#and he heard neil's voice

[grooviestguru]

sometimes i think about how neil's first words to the foxes after baltimore was to immediately ask where andrew was, and i wonder if andrew heard him

#i wonder if andrew was already hustling back to the room #and he heard neil's voice #maybe it didn't matter what neil was saying #it just mattered that it was neil speaking #but like... if he DID hear neil say 'where's and-' #i wonder if he even had the emotional capacity to process that he was neil's very first concern above all else #i'm normal about them #andreil #andrew minyard #neil josten #aftg

[henry-fox-biggest-stan]

Since most people here don’t have TikTok (and honestly, I don’t blame them) they haven’t heard all the dps musical snippets, so I figured I’ll transcript them

(None of the songs are in any specific order) (when there are several snippets, they also aren’t in any specific order)

"Another New First Day"

From the lyrics and title, I figured this would be the first song. It’s possible I’m incorrect.

Sang by: all the poets simultaneously (except Todd)

But l'm still hopeful that it might just get better / Some senior fun 'til my acceptance letter / Nothing really grows, despite how I wish it would / I've got friends enough to know this place brings some good / No use combatting destiny, the history that's bound to be / Sit back, settle down, and give in / It's set in stone, you're set for life / This is your life, now live in it / Predictable in its way, you know how it all goes / You'll feel it in your bones / The feeling you can't shake / Everything that you should want is waiting for you at the top / Another fresh start, another pathway, another new year, another first day / Another new first day

“Desk Set”

Sang by: Neil and Todd

Snippet 1:

(Todd) How do l know this is really the truth? My lines get blurred when it comes to you / And I don't wanna play the madman in this mad show made for two

(Neil) I wouldn't hurt you Toddy. I couldn't if l tried / l've never met somebody who makes me feel half as alive as you do / Half as alive as you do / Beyond my mind

(Todd) Outside my head

(Both of them) I've kissed you once lets kiss one thousand times again / One thousand times again.

Snippet 2:

(Neil) I can't make sense of sleep-talk / I can't declutter the strangeness / I'll always be weary of wishing and its dangers / I twist and turn in panic / I think ‘til I come to / I've held it back, but damn it, I'm thinking about you / Clouds pass and bring sunshine through our window / Waking, blinding me, but setting you aglow

(Both of them) I tend to imagine and get lost in that space

(Neil) I can't help but sleeping because I determine my fate / Determine my fate at the sound of turning pages, at the sight of your face / I could spend days in the worlds I create in my head

(Both of them) Let's kiss one thousand times again and again and again and again and again / One thousand times again

"Choking On The Bone"

Sang by: Charlie

Spare me the tough love, this just can't be how the kid grows up / Is this now my epilogue? ls letting go really growing up? / Will growing ever be enough? Or is it worth just giving up? / Head first into the ebb and flow, having no say in how l go / Drowning in the shallow, sucking out the marrow, and choking on the bone

"I Can Hear It Now"

Sang by: Chris and Ginny

(Both of them) There is nothing I can do to make myself feel relevant next to him / 'Cause it's his world and we're all just living in it / My potential can be fatal / It's my living breathing downfall / Haunting moments / Stuck in corners / Keeping me cut from the picture / It's his portrait / It's his moment / And I'm here as a silent accessory

(Ginny) But silence can feel more like death to me. Fade in into the background / The black behind fluorescent lights / There's music ringing through the room, but I’m counting on silence tonight

(Chris) A moment of deep recollection / Make me feel / Make me seen / But this is the way things oughta be, for this is how they’ve always been

(Ginny) There is nothing I can do to make myself feel relevant next to him

(Both of them) Cause it's his world and we’re all just living in it

(Both of them) (in a round) My potential can be fatal / It’s my living breathing downfall / Haunting moments / Stuck in corners / Keeping me cut from the picture

(Both of them) It's his portrait / It's his moment / And I’m here as a silent accessory / But silence can feel more like death to me

"At Your Will / Choking On The Bone"

Sang by: Charlie and Cameron (they both sing at the same time, not after the other)

(Both of them) They throw me into the fire and I don't feel a thing

(Charlie) The blizzard has burnt me more than the flames / They want all of my innocence wapped up like presents / But you can’t cover up neatly what ended in ruins

(Cameron) For the first time, I don't get it / For the first time, I doubt I ever will / For the first time, I’m giving up on getting it / So crucify me at your will

"Father Made It Clear (Reprise)"

Sang by: Neil

Father made it clear / He leaves no room for hoping / I stare out of the window / The ground beneath me frozen / Snow white and pure, the pearly gates of heaven / Maybe I'll arrive to find the curtains open / Or maybe I'll arrive to find out he was right / *pause* / But father made it clear / There's no room for me here

“God Of The Cave”

Sang by: the poets (snippet 1, 2, and 4) + Chris and Ginny (snippet 3 and 4)

Snippet 1:

(Neil, spoken) Alright, alright, quiet, gentlemen. We must behave ourselves in the presence of a guest.

(Pitts, spoken) What guest?

(Neil) Who is this, that enters our sacred ground? / It's a guest, a visitor, and one of great renown! / Do we have any guesses? / C'mon give it a go, champ

(Pitts, spoken) God, Neil, I don't know, it just looks like a lamp.

(Cameron, spoken) That’s ‘cause it is just a lamp.

(Neil) See, that's where you're wrong / Gentleman, friends, men paving the way / There's a divine force here today meet: / the God of the Caaaaave!

(The poets) …

(Neil) God of the Cave, brotherhood incarnate / We follow your lead as as you set the path straight / Get on our knees, bow in faith, light and shade, praising you / God of the Cave

Snippet 2:

(Neil, spoken) Take it away Todd!

(Todd, visibly struggling) …

(Todd, spoken, to Charlie) Will you read it with me?

(Todd) We are dreaming of tomorrow when tomorrow isn't coming / There's today and there's the end / And everything is sudden

(Charlie) And still we sleep

(Charlie) We are dreaming of a glory that we don't really want / We keep it up our sleeves to preserve what we are taught.

(Todd) And still we sleep

(Both of them) We are dreaming of a new day when the new day's here already / Exalt, sob, live, take your time, and keep it steady

(All the poets) And still we sleep

Snippet 3:

(Ginny) I know exactly what I'm grateful for / I'm out on my own / Exploring the outdoors / A girl in the wild, how crazy, how vile! / Nobody by my side to babysit all night / Or compare myself to ‘til my heart's black and blue / Not scared of being in second place

(Chris) Being allowed to take up space

(Both of them) And finding home inside a cave!

(Chris) Being wanted for who I am alone / And for once not only who l know / So thank you again for inviting us / Tonight you've all provided us / A new reason to smile / And all the while / Let's be true to the people we knew we could be

(Ginny) More than a sister / More than a shadow

(Chris) More than a girlfriend / More than a sideshow / So, thank you for today / And, thank you, God of the-

(Simultaneously)

(Ginny) Out on my own

(Knox) Under her spell

(Charlie and Todd) And still we sleep

(Chris) Who l am alone

(Cameron) Use of my skills

(Meeks) No more blues

(Pitts) Living in my prime

(Neil) Paving the way

(All) Caveeeee!

Snippet 4:

(All) God of the Cave / brotherhood incarnate / We follow your lead as you set the path straight / Get on our knees, bow in faith, light and shade, praising you / God of the Cave

(Knox) I think you’ve got the right idea / Praising God for friends / I've got new and old beside me / And truth be told tonight reminds me / How I feel sitting here / Every time one is near / She's smart / She's kind / Funny and stunning / Warm like sunshine / Beautiful inside / And out just as well / One word from her lips / And I’m under her spell / Heat that expels and won't let the cold in—

(Chris, spoken) Well who is it?

(Knox, panicked, spoken) Uh Nolan!

(Chris, spoken) Nolan?

(All) Nolan?!

"Paper Ripping Song"

Sang by: the poets

(Neil) A hum from outside the window / A consistent buzz and pound / Whispers of desire ring low / I feel what I hear in that sound / I wanna be the train in the distance when it races

(Neil and Cameron) I wanna feel the gain as I'm put through the paces

(Neil, Cameron, and Todd) There's a light in the shadows of doubt / Nothing leaves you without a mark / If you haven't grown up by now / You'll be forever, forever in the dark / Who will I be...

(All the poets) Now it's all up to me, and l'm clueless / Been told what to do / But not how to do it

(Background, spoken) Rip, shred, thread!

(All the poets) My life is a maze, I can't cut the corners / Maybe today I might move forward / I'll be what I am, whoever that may be / And when I meet them l'Il see with utmost clarity

“Phone Call From God”

Sang by: Charlie

Snippet 1:

(Mr Nolan, spoken) Whoever the guilty persons are, this is your only chance to avoid expulsion from the academy

*phone rings*

When a phone rings, we're taught it's rude to hold off / So l hear a … and figure it's polite to respond

(Spoken) Mr. Nolan, it's for you. It’s God. She says we should have girls at Welton

I know it might sound crazy, but I know God when I hear her / That voice rings, booms, and stuns. She’s offering us the answer! / She's gifted us advice to repent us from all sin. There's a way to avoid all hell, yes! / lf you let girls into Welton / God herself is begging, pleading with a crackling voice / How are we to see the world if it's only seen by boys?

Snippet 2:

Now I can’t help / That I was born the chosen one / Hand-picked by the father, the holy spirit, and the son / So when they call me a prophet / What can I do but agree? / I guess the blessing of a goddess has forced a spotlight on me / And yes, there's pressure, handling it all on my own

(Ensemble, aka unnamed students) He talks to God!

But I take it in my stride and I take it over the phone

(Ensemble) God has a rotary - it makes sense if you don’t think about it too hard

Are we?

(Ensemble) Yes!

I wasn’t finished yet

(Ensemble) Sorry!

Are we ready to be the reason that God's plan falls through?

(Ensemble) No!

Then what should we do?

(Ensemble) We'll listen to you!

"Party Of Seven"

Sang by: Knox and Chris

*telephone sounds*

(Chris, on the phone, spoken) Hello?

(Knox, nervous) *hangs the phone abruptly*

(Charlie, spoken) What was that pussy-move about, Knoxious?

(Knox, spoken) She's gonna hate me! The Danburry's are gonna hate me! My parents are gonna kill me!

(The poets) …

(Knox, spoken) Alright, jeez. Carpe diem, even if it kills me.

(Chris, spoken) Hello?

(Knox, spoken) Hello, Chris?

(Chris) Yes, who am I speaking with?

(Knox, spoken) Hi! This is Overstreet! Well, no, it's Knox. I mean Overstreet is a part of my name but not all of it. It's Knox Overstreet in full, but I just go by Knox.

(Chris) …

(Knox, in a lower voice, spoken) Hey, it's Knox.

(Chris) Hi, Knox. I'm glad you called.

(Knox) She’s glad I called!

(Chris) I was actually gonna call you about Ginny's party to promote the play / I was hoping I could count on seeing you Friday.

(Knox, accusing, towards Neil, spoken) Ginny's having a party … and she didn't invite Neil … because if she DID he would've told us about it, right?

(Chris, spoken) Well, if you can't come Knox, that's totally okay.

(Knox, spoken) We'll be there!

(Chris, spoken) We'll?

(Knox) Of course! / What kind of party would it be / Without the hell-raisers of the academy? / We are going to that party / We'll do what the cool kids do / Like smoke and drink and talk to you

(Chris, spoken) What?

(Knox) Nothing! / The Dead Poets will be in attendance / That much you can count on / We've been waiting for something like this / Something to…. / Get our groove on

(Chris, spoken) All of you? That is … great!

(Knox) That is great / Just you and me / And six of my closest friends

(Chris) Well, it's this Friday at seven / So I'll see all seven of you then

(Knox) The Danburry's house / Friday at seven / I'll be there / All seven of us will be there

"Puck's Celebration"

Sang by: Neil

Snippet 1:

Years of waiting and pining have finally lead to this feeling / Happiness that's mine to keep / Nobody else I've gotta be

(Spoken) But that shrewd and knavish sprite called Robin Goodfellow. I’m Puck! I'm playing Puck!

(Background, spoken) Puck you!

Just a bed of bliss / Just to lay my head in / Just one thing that's really mine / Just one thing, just one time / God, I’m happy / Really happy / Don't think I’ve felt this kind of happy before now / Not even when I was barely ten, and my dad got me that toy train and / I played with it for days on end / I would sit and play with it / Well, play with it ‘till I broke the back engine / I guess I never did have steady hands / So much for being a surgeon then! / I still loved that train and, yes, I was happy / Happy despite the broken back engine / But this happy is different from back-engine-happy / This time I'm happy and it's just for me / With no despites and no tiny print / No more back-engine happy and no more restrict…ions

Snippet 2:

If father could see me now he'd see this smile on my face / and maybe he'd be proud of the happy boy he raised / I'd hug him and weep and say / "I love you, thank you for seeing me through" / And he'd say, "son, if you're happy, then l am too" / And he'd mean it / Each show I'm in, he'd see it / He'll buy flowers and stand in the aisle / Shouting "that's my boy!" with a genuine smile / I'd jump in his arms, he'd cradle my head, just like I'm a younger child again

“Starlit Smile”

Sang by: Chris

What is it about / His smile, his words, his gift — no, his curse / He beams, he shines / It seems he's mine if I want him to be / So, what's stopping me? / God, what's wrong with me? / But how can I know what's wrong or what's right / If I'm always running without giving a try / To the bright, warm joy of the moonlit boy

“Desk Set (Reprise)”

Sang by: Todd (talking to Neil)

Here, now I find you, abstaining from dejection / But know you don't have to be locked down by perception / The world will seek joy to crash upon, a light to bash until it's gone / But I've seen your unclouded days, your unlighted nights / I'm here for you always / I'm here now by your side, by your side

(Spoken) You’ll be alright

“At Your Will”

Sang by: Cameron

(Cameron’s villain song)

Drag my name through muddy waters / Make my face rough with blood / At least I'll know I took a stand / I followed through a steady plan / I faced it head on like a man / I did it once, l'Il do it again / They kiss the ground of this "great poet" / They sit here and leave me for dead / They weep and sob over teachings / And learn to abandon a friend

(Mr. McAllister, off stage, spoken) Gerard Pitts

My apologies for being neglected, unfair / Make me the enemy / And see if I care / Bully me, silence me, mock and ignore / They tried to brainwash me, but not anymore! / My apologies for winning, living right inside the grey / Success in dignity, morality in vain / For the first time, I don't get it / For the first time, I doubt I ever will / For the first time, l'm giving up on getting it! / So crucify me at your will

#btw if I don’t say it was a spoken line then it was sang #sang? sung? #sing sang sung #MAYBE I’LL ARRIVE TO FIND THE CURTAINS OPEN #OR MAYBE I'LL ARRIVE TO FIND OUT HE WAS RIIIIGHT #the way Neil's actor pronounces ‘and the happy boy he raised' scratches my brain #the ‘he talks to god’ is the funniest thing I ever heard #so happy they kept the puck you joke #Charlie’s actor has such a good singing voice it’s incredible #dps #dead poets society #dead poets #dps musical #dead poets society musical #neil perry #todd anderson #anderperry #charlie dalton #knox overstreet #chris noel #ginny danburry #stephen meeks #richard cameron #gerard pitts

[simptasia]

astarion has one of the most socially repugnant english accents i've heard and yet he's still desirable. that's incredible

#when i first heard astarions voice i wrinkled my nose #but then i was relieved that neil wasnt putting on that terrible american accent he does #plus starry's voice is Funny #to be clear i mean starry sounds like the type of pom who hunts foxes. awful posh dandy #and yet. and yet. he's fuckable. neil the talent that you have

[royboyfanpage]

re: roy’s voice, my mind immediately went to the english va for gojo from jujutsu kaisen. generally a light-hearted, laidback tone that can pitch up when he’s teasing or drop when he’s angry/being menacing.

(you’re also making me want to go hear neil newbon’s other performances because i’ve only heard him as astarion).

Ngl I had to look up a clip for the Gojo english dub (I'm not very into anime), but that's such a valid take on how his voice sounds!!

(Also would recommend the other games he VAs in, but I'd definitely rec RE8 more than DBH. Detroit: Become Human was my first real hyperfixation that lasted multiple years. It definitely isn't an unproblematic piece of media and has a lot of flaws in the way it presents the topics its discussing, also fuck David Cage and Quantum Dream, but the characters are likeable and the multiple endings aspect is fun. Resident Evil: Village is just a really fun game and you don't really to play the other games to get into it, RE7 is the most relevant but it still works really well on its own. Also not to be gay on main but Neil Newbon's character is-

Yeah)

#ask #also check out Octopunk Media's Detroit: Evolution #gay ass fan film i love it #fun fact first time i played re8 i heard Heisenberg and verbally went 'NEIL???' #fucking love Neil Newbon #favourite voice actor ever #one of my friends met him at a con not knowing who he was and I'll forever be mad #you met my favourite voice actor and didn't even say hi because you didn't know him smh

[fantasiavii]

I honestly highly recommend the Sandman Dreamcast, it is very soothing and wonderful to fall asleep to, but also I have never heard a single thing Desire says because I am always already asleep 😭

#sandman #last night i got through Neil Gaiman’s intro started losing the plot while listening to Morpheus and didn’t even make it to the library 😭 #i heard like 2 seconds of Abel talking though and then I was OUT #anyway i am a connoisseur of Things To Fall Asleep To bc insomnia baby #i also recommend: anything else Neil Gaiman narrates he has a very soothing voice #I loved listening and falling asleep to Norse Mythology and Fortunately the Milk #I also love the Tired Punks and Little Puffs playlist when it gets to the mtv unplugged version of Take On Me *chef’s kiss* #also space oddity and dreamer’s ball are great to listen to as you fall asleep if you’re still awake past take on me #any audiobook in general is good (remember to put a sleep timer on so you can easily back up instead of having it run all night!) #i used to listen to specifically a tale of two cities and other classics a lot and also hp but ahem. no so much anymore #there’s also a podcast called Sleep With Me which is basically just this guy talking to you in a reallt lulling way about things #until you fall asleep and it’s great #usually i bring that out if nothing else has worked #personally i also like not exactly asmr but you know those quiet crafting or cooking videos #you know that guy who makes knives out of random stuff? so soothing puts me right to sleep

[all-thestories-aretrue]

.

#uuuuugggghhh #writing long things with plot is so hard #how do u people do it!!!! #neils voice is also very difficult to capture via text i feel the way he talks is so full of incomplete sentences and filler words #that if i wrote it the way i heard it it would be unreadable #so trying to find the balance between reading isnt painful and having it still sound like neil is 🫠🫠🫠 #AND he stutters way less when hes high it seems based on the solo episode even if his tone is more emotionless and distant #this is just me complaining about self inflicted writing #and my inability to write everything perectly on the first try #*clenches fists* remember shitty first drafts theres a reason you read it four times in college #p

[justhereforthemeta]

Romantic expectations and the story we didn't see: A magic trick hiding in plain sight

Here's a hopeful meta for all my fellow celestial brainrot sufferers out there. Cheers! :)

This idea started as a dead end, trying to track the movements of Crowley’s sideburns/tattoo because I thought time travel shenanigans were afoot. I had to abandon that theory when it was pointed out that David was simultaneously filming as the sideburns-having Fourteenth Doctor, and in-universe Crowley can do whatever he wants with his facial hair whenever he feels like it. But hey - null findings are still findings!

On the bright side, pausing the show to make notations in a spreadsheet forced me to slow down and notice other changes I'd overlooked the first time around: acting choices, costuming choices, references to book lore. And possibly a few surreptitious flicks of the wrist, in places where we’re meant to be focused on the magician’s other hand.

@amuseoffyre and @ineffablefood had a great exchange recently about romance and “the significance of misdirection and three-in-one (magic) tricks” throughout the show. I suspect Neil has done something brilliant with the audience’s long-standing expectations (since the 1990s, really) for the love story between Crowley and Aziraphale to develop. And while it is a wonderful story indeed, playing to this expectation lets Neil distract his audience from the blink-and-you'll-miss-them seeds he's planting for the final chapter.

Continued below the cut...

Let’s start at the beginning of Episode 2. First, context: In the previous installment, Crowley stormed out of the bookshop, was whisked away to Hell by Beelzebub where he learns about the Book of Life threat to Aziraphale’s existence, then returned to the bookshop to dance a little apology dance and hide Gabriel with an unintentionally massive joint miracle. In S2E2, we and Shax catch up with Crowley as he's snoozing in the Bentley.

Shax: “You’re in trouble”

A. J. Crowley, cool as a cucumber: “Obviously. Former demon, hated by Heaven, loathed by Hell. How will our hero cope?”

Interesting! Sarcastic? Yes, absolutely; but that’s also a good 4500 years and an averted apocalypse away from “I’m a demon. I lie,” wouldn’t you say? Someone is sounding a whole lot less depressed and aimless and navel-gazey (do snakes have navels?), and a whole lot more like he’s got a project to focus on, since his "what's the point?" ruminations on the park bench in E1.

And of course we all noticed the costume change right away. Hello, black turtleneck. Feeling cute today, thought I’d cover up my graceful long neck? That sounds unlikely. Let’s put a pin in this one.

There’s also an interesting acting choice going on here. Crowley speaks to Shax in a funny, drawling, too-cool-for-you voice that we haven’t heard in a while. Specifically, not since 1967. If you go back and give the S1E3 scene in the Dirty Donkey a listen, you’ll hear it (and if you know of another instance of it that I've missed, please let me know!). In S2E2, he keeps up this odd voice (if anybody knows what kind of affect this is supposed to be, please do tell!) throughout this dialogue with Shax, except for the brief moment when she first surprises him about the joint miracle having been detected.

1967 was a fun year. Crowley masterminded a heist! And seemed like he was having a ball doing it, right up until his little caper was called off after Aziraphale brought him the thermos of holy water. Crowley spoke to his co-conspirators in that same funny, very 60’s-caper-film voice. He wore a hip 60’s turtleneck. He bought petrol for the only time ever, so he could get those sweet James Bond bullet hole decals for his car (per the book, seen on the Bentley in the show).

Those James Bond bullet hole decals would of course have been part of a promotion for this 1967 release, which you just know our film-enjoying demon went to see in the theater:

Starring this suave, be-turtlenecked guy:

And now - begging your forgiveness - a brief rant.

There are a number of posts out there that refer to Crowley’s S2E2 turtleneck as a flirtatious sartorial choice - actually, ‘slutty’ seems to be the favored accusation. There are even a few posts floating around commenting on how sweet it is that Crowley swaps out his slutty, kinky, throw-me-over-your-desk-and-take-me turtleneck for a more dressy and appropriate collared shirt specifically to attend Aziraphale’s Jane Austen ball. 

Now this is all in good fun, and Crowley does indeed look fantastic here, and I do love a good fangirling sesh as much as the next person. However, fandom’s collective tendency to interpret what we are seeing on the screen through the lens of romantic expectation can, at times, give rise to a kind of blinkered enthusiasm that obscures the original text in a haze that is part Mandela Effect, part unrestrained horniness, and part in-group code talking and identity reinforcement.

Respectfully, Crowley’s black turtleneck does not appear at all in S2E5: The Ball. In fact, it never appears again after the end of S2E2.

For Someone’s sake, let’s collectively pull our heads out of the romantic fog/gutter for a moment and focus on what we are actually seeing in the book and on the screen. For Crowley, this is an uncharacteristic within-period costume change. There is a surreptitious flick of the wrist happening here, out in broad daylight, and we are all missing it.

So here’s a thing. Aziraphale appears to have settled comfortably into life on Earth, his neighborhood, his books, using Crowley as an outlet for sharing his good deeds that he would once have reported to Heaven. Meanwhile, at first glance, Crowley appears stuck in a rut. There he slouches on a park bench with Shax in S2E1: a guy who lives in his car, stagnantly clinging to old familiar habits, mulling over the pointlessness of it all.

Setting aside the bit about living in the Bentley (I’m going to attribute this to well-documented issues between him and Aziraphale, discussed in many other excellent metas, and move on), Crowley has at least two very good, proactive reasons for maintaining his contact with Hell through Shax. First and foremost, it’s a source of information he can use to keep ahead of potential threats to Aziraphale and himself.

But also, I would posit…he kinda likes it.

Recall that book GO was first conceived as a parody, with Aziraphale and Crowley as spy-against-spy (but not really) field operatives in an ages-old cold war between Heaven and Hell. Their entire book dynamic is rooted in the trope of two opposing agents who have been in the field for so long that they now have more in common with each other than with their respective head offices. Their St. James’s Park meetings among other spies and ministers trading secrets are a sendup of what was once a well-known Cold War-era cliché. 

Our contemporary Crowley still likes slick outfits and hellaciously expensive watches and high-performing vintage cars and pens that write underwater while looking like they could break the speed limit. He coaches Shax on how to blend in as a demon on Earth, and he helpfully redirects the wayward contact looking for the Azerbaijani sector chief. He loves improvising and getting away with shenanigans under the institutional radar. And boy golly was he impressed with Jane Austen: master spy, brandy smuggler, and mastermind of the 1810 Clerkenwell Diamond Robbery. 

And if you look at it a certain way, for as long as Crowley has considered himself to be on “[his] own side” - going at least as far back as Job - he could almost think of himself as a sort of double agent. It’s actually a very romantic sort of notion, befitting our hopeless romantic of a (professedly former) demon; but it’s romantic in a very different way than we, the audience, have been primed to watch for.

In other words, in a very “on my own side” kind of way, Crowley really gets a kick out of being a spy. Or at least, dressing up and accessorizing as one, and moonlighting as a good-doing double agent when he can get away with it. And also being a plotting criminal mastermind. Two sides of a coin, really. Just look at Jane Austen.

My point is: No, Crowley did not wait around for Shax to come find him in a turtleneck so that he could go flirt with Aziraphale later. He’ll flirt with Aziraphale no matter what. No, this:

is actually this:

Much like the one he wears to the Dirty Donkey in 1967: 

whilst holy water heist-plotting. Here's a clearer shot with gratuitous Bentley, because I love them:

…and which he'll wear again, with appropriate camouflage, while infiltrating Heaven in S2E6:

That is the 1967 planning a HEIST turtleneck for committing ESPIONAGE and STEALING THINGS in. Because turtlenecks are what modern human master spies wear to get their hands dirty - after all, he saw it in a movie once. 

Crowley dons his tactical turtleneck sometime during the first major break in the action (which doesn't happen until after the joint miracle to hide Gabriel) after he learns about the threat the Book of Life poses to Aziraphale. Loverboy started mentally preparing himself to go after that book immediately upon learning that it was in play as a genuine threat. 

Now let’s pick up at the S2E2 Dirty Donkey scene, reading the story from this angle. Of course, Crowley enables Aziraphale’s delusions about Heaven by hiding information from him, and does not disclose the Book of Life threat when they meet again. They go into the pub, Aziraphale shamelessly paws Crowley’s chest like the seductive Bond Girl he is, and Crowley gets to act all smooth and suave and intimidating as he chases off the interloping Mr. Brown (or Mr. Collins for the Pride & Prejudice fans, take your pick).

Ergo, theory: beginning in S2E2, Crowley is already thinking of himself as a Jane Austen/James Bond action hero (“How will our hero cope?”), psyching himself up to rescue Aziraphale by getting his spy game on and stealing the Book of Life.

Now, watch closely...This is where Aziraphale and Crowley brainstorm their plans to solve the problem they both know about: getting Maggie and Nina to fall in love and thereby get Heaven off their backs. Crowley’s vavoom plan is drawn from yet another movie (“Get humans wet and staring into each other’s eyes - vavoom, sorted. I saw it in a Richard Curtis film.”). But Crowley also implicitly shares his solution to the problem he hasn’t told Aziraphale about. And true to form, Crowley’s Jane Austen solution isn’t the same as Aziraphale’s Jane Austen solution. 

Two solutions that fail by the end of Season 2, and a secret third one that might still work...and there's our magic trick of three.

‘“I’m lost. Am I doing a rainstorm?” Yes, babe. And a heist, too - just not until season three. Can I get a wahoo!? 

I won’t spend time on A Companion to Owls during this meta, except to note that in all three minisodes, we get to watch stories that involve Crowley acting as a double agent on “his/their own side” - successfully making Hell and Heaven think he’s fulfilling their will while saving Job’s goats and children; failing to fool Hell when he does a good deed in Edinburgh; and of course, collaborating with Aziraphale whilst evading detection as an infernal turncoat during the Blitz.

(Because this is getting long, I'll also skip over Crowley's interrogation of Jim in this episode - I'll probably come back to that in another meta. But interrogating is a rather spy-ish thing to do.)

When we catch up with Crowley again later, he’s already slipped out of the bookshop, having left Aziraphale to his biblical reverie about Job. He saunters snakily down Whickber Street as usual, but with a very pointed and swift glance over his shoulder (see pic above). This demon is up to something - possibly something we didn’t get to see, something that may have happened offscreen while he stepped out. In any case, knowing there’ve been unfriendly angels in the neighborhood that morning, he’s rightly concerned about being spied on.

From this point until the beginning of episode six, there isn’t a whole lot of opportunity for Crowley to make any next moves. He babysits the bookshop, during which time he manages to wring some crucial information out of Jim; he follows his Crowley’s Angel around like a puppy, and downs a bottle of red like a good old fashioned lovesick boy once that’s been pointed out to him. If any plotting or scheming is underway, this occult being is keeping stumm for now.

This has been a long one, so I’ll wrap up with Crowley’s infiltration of Heaven with Muriel. The turtleneck disguise works (Archer fans, be vindicated!) long enough to gather some information that will be crucial not just to the denouement of S2, but also to Crowley’s journey in S3 (previous post on Crowley's Fall, Saraqael, and memory wiping). And Aziraphale gets to enjoy that view exactly zero times. The point isn’t oh, a turtleneck! How flirty! So cunty! So cute! Y’all. Everything matters. The costume change was a deliberate choice. In-universe, Crowley’s decision to wear his special spy turtleneck for spying in is a signal that he is out doing spy things, even as we watch.

In sum: Beginning in S2E2 and continuing through the end of the season, Aziraphale and Crowley are actively living out the scripts of two parallel, concurrent, and completely different Jane Austen stories. But you and I, dear fellow audience member, we came here for a comedy with a hefty jigger of romance, and that’s what Neil gave us to focus on. And right up until the Final 15, that was the only story we saw.

Meanwhile, Special Agent A. J. Crowley doesn’t have time to mope around at the end of S2E6. He’s kicked down, but he’s not out. He's got a Book of Life to steal, a very serious bone to pick with a certain memory-wiping angel, and his Angel and the world to save. 

“‘Heigh ho,’ said [romantic, optimist, former demon, hero, master spy] Anthony Crowley, and just drove anyway.”

#so honestly #I think the biggest mark against this conclusion is that Crowley sees his mirror Maggie taking a nap at the end of S2E6 #there is a strong chance of a depression nap before any further spying gets underway #but I am counting on Muriel to be a dorky ray of sunshine and snap him out of it with Clues #good omens #good omens meta #good omens 2 #crowley in a turtleneck #demon bookseller plantdad spy

[mypoisonedvine]

𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐥𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 (part two) | neil lewis x reader

read part 1 first!!

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 | you've been best friends with neil basically your entire life, and secretly in love with him almost as long. now, you have to wonder if it's time to move on... or if that's even possible.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | 10k

𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | smut, angst, pining/unrequited love - 18+ only

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | hangovers, jealousy/mega angst, smut (finally; unprotected sex, bondage mention, crying during sex/slight dacryphilia) and fluff/emotions

You were draped over the couch limply, groaning as you held a frozen bag of peas to your head— and used it to cover your eyes, because everything was just too fucking bright.

“You look like one of those weed commercials,” Jonathan informed you with a frown.  “Like, the one with the deflated girl.”

“Those aren’t commercials for weed, dumbass,” Lucien snarked.  “They’re PSAs.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Jonathan shrugged, “I only watch TV when I’m stoned.”

“How are you even alive right now?” you asked Jonathan with a whine.  “Like, how are you doing anything more than this?  ‘Cause I’m just doing this and I think I’m dying.”

“The secret is not being a lightweight,” Jonathan explained.

“Don’t listen to him,” Neil warned, “his liver’s like a rotten egg.  You should be proud to be a lightweight— actually, I’m still not sure why you got so wrecked last night.”

“You’re just jealous you weren’t invited,” Jonathan quipped, and you were too busy keeping your eyes shut to see if Neil actually reacted to that.

“Are you actually planning to do any work today?” Lucien wondered.  “Or are you getting paid to lay around complaining?”

“Are you getting paid to be so bitchy?” you shot back.  “Just make it my paid sick leave.”

“Sick, yes; paid, yes,” Jonathan noticed, “but you didn’t actually leave.”

“If she wants to spend her sick day here, she can,” Neil decided, “it’s not like she’s contagious.”

“She might be, if she talks you all into coming out again tonight,” Jonathan laughed, but you barely let him finish.

“No fucking way,” you interjected instantly, “I’m never drinking again.”

“But the best cure for a hangover is liquor!” Jonathan insisted.

“That’s the most alcoholic advice I’ve ever heard you give,” Lucien scolded.  “Next you’ll say you should drink in the mornings to perk up.”

“Actually, that’s not a bad idea,” Neil decided.

“See!” Jonathan yelped triumphantly.

“No, not booze— kid, you want me to get you a coffee or something?” Neil offered instead.  You could tell he’d stepped a little closer from the sound of his voice— and he was speaking a little softer, too.  You hesitantly peeled the bag off your head— just partially, that is— and squinted one eye open; thankfully, his head was blocking most of the overhead light as he looked down at you.  “There’s that place on the corner, I could just run and get it real quick—”

“I’m okay,” you smiled back, “but thanks.”

“Not even a hot chocolate?”

You already felt warm inside from him saying that, no hot beverage required.  You shook your head and he shrugged as he walked away.  “Just let me know, okay?”

“Okay,” you hummed.  You liked this, actually— him taking care of you.  It wasn’t the first time of course, you’d gotten sick your fair share of times while knowing him and he’d usually come over and help how he could (which was mostly in the form of takeout soup and entertainment).  But now you imagined it a little… cozier: him wrapping you up in a blanket and then in his arms, checking your temperature by putting his hand to your forehead, letting you drift to sleep on him while he read to you or something.  

You probably could’ve dozed off as you imagined that little fantasy world, if it weren’t for Neil breaking the silence a minute later.  “You know, I was thinking about changing things up a bit,” he said suddenly.

“Please, please, do not try to grow a goatee again,” Lucien begged.  As you and Jonathan erupted in a chorus of disgusted agreement, Neil spoke over you all.

“I meant the store!” he promised.  “The shelves— and maybe some of the posters, I don’t know.”

“Or you can finally take my idea and start renting porn,” Jonathan offered.

“First of all,” Neil explained, “technically, some of our inventory is considered erotic—”

“No no, not your weirdo French experimental softcore— the good stuff: college babes, horny stepmoms…” Jonathan began to list.

“And second of all,” Neil continued, but Jonathan was still going.

“Norwegian twins coming to America for a foreign exchange program—”

“Norwegian twins?” you repeated with a confused grimace.

“And second of all,” Neil began again, louder and with a scowl on his face, “we don’t have any good way to disinfect the tapes after people return them.”

“That’s a very good point,” Lucien noticed.

Much later in the day— after a few customers had come and gone, and Jonathan had left for the day, and the UPS guy had come by with a delivery of some new (old) movies to add to the store’s inventory— it ended up with you and Neil in his office.

You hadn’t tried to be in the same office at the same time, really… if anything, you were kind of avoiding him at the moment.  Not that you could actually avoid your boss while at work in such a small place— even if he wasn’t your best friend— but you’d been dodging the elephant in the room this whole time.

He sat at his desk and leaned back in the chair, putting one foot up against the desk to tilt back even further as he looked through the stack of mail.  For a minute, there was just silence, aside from you both just working.  Of course, it couldn’t last forever.

“You, uh, told me you were going back to yours last night,” Neil noticed as he sorted through the envelopes— you figured it was a matter of time before he mentioned it, unless he had a serious lapse of memory, but you still winced.

“Yeah, um, sorry, I just—”

“No, it’s fine,” he shrugged, not looking up from the mail, “you didn’t have to take me out with you— I was pretty beat anyways, I just… I’m just not sure why you didn’t tell me?”

“I— I was going home, really,” you explained, “I got there and I couldn’t sleep, and wine always makes me tired but I didn’t have any so—”

“So you did whiskey shots with Jonathan?”

God, you almost thought about saying it, even if it wasn’t true, just to piss him off.  Yeah— and we went back to his place and did the horizontal tango.  Would you like me to bring you the register?

Instead, you cleared your throat and set down the tapes.  “I don’t have to explain myself to you,” you told him; he looked up at you with a sort of deer-in-the-headlights look.

“I-I know,” he stammered out, “sorry, I was just… I’m curious, that’s all.”

“Well, maybe what Jonathan and I do is none of your business,” you replied, looking back down at the tapes as you fought down a smirk; you could feel his stare piercing through you, but you didn’t give him the satisfaction of meeting your gaze.  Is that cryptic enough for you?  Maybe I should say something about how I don’t kiss and tell.

You almost hoped he’d go in for the kill— make some shitty comment about how you were a slut or how Jonathan was probably thinking about Norwegian twins the whole time— cause if he did, you could yell at him and you’d both get all worked up and maybe at least one of you would finally get out of control enough to say what you were really thinking.  Instead, he got sweet again; and that was even worse, because you couldn’t resist it.  “Wanna make cookies tonight?” he asked, randomly, softly.

“Yeah,” you smiled, “can we put potato chips in them?”

“You know, kid, I think you’re sort of an evil mastermind,” he grinned.

“Just a creative glutton,” you shrugged.

~

With the Jonathan thing behind you— if that was even really a thing— things felt back to normal with Neil.  Honestly, they might have been even better than they’d been in a while, since he wasn’t with Denise anymore.  Denise had never been jealous of you— she was just as confident as you were that you weren’t any kind of threat whatsoever— but she did whine about Neil spending more time with you than her… that is, when she actually wanted to be around Neil, which wasn’t always.  Sometimes, she seemed to appreciate you taking him off her hands, giving him an outlet for all the interests she found irritating.

But, anyways, she was gone, and you were giving up on dating (again), and Neil wasn’t being weird and you guys made cookies and it was great.  It was easy to remember how you'd survived in this cycle for so long.  Because as much as you were probably not the world's best person, you absolutely were not pretending to be Neil's friend because you had a crush— no, he really was the most important person to you, you just also wanted to touch him in all those ways that friends weren't supposed to.

You were almost giddy, high on how good it was to be back to your usual; the night before had been just perfect, like the old times, like high school— in all the best ways.

You'd probably seen him every day for the past two weeks— either at work, at his place or yours— and you had no plans to stop.  That was pretty normal for you two anyways.  You had the day off from work so you hadn't seen him yet; yes, you had considered stopping by the store anyways since Jonathan came in when he wasn't working, but you'd been too busy with your own errands and catching up on tasks at home.

Figuring it was a matter of time before Neil called you and asked to come over— or just showed up— you gave him a call around nine (knowing the store had just closed) and felt yourself get even just a little more energized when he answered.

"Hey, kid," his voice came from the other end, low and dreamy.  He was speaking softly, like it was a secret conversation, and that just made your heart beat a little faster.

“I think I’ve found the perfect movie to go with the last of the leftover cookies,” you grinned.  “I was going through my old tapes and— do you remember that weird Italian movie we watched in high school?  I think it must’ve been senior year because I remember we watched it while everyone was doing skip day— and we thought it was the funniest thing we’d ever seen— and I found it again!  Maybe it’s not as good as I remember, but I’ll bring it over and we can cover up the subtitles and see if we can guess what the hell they’re talking about.”

“Yeah, actually—”

“Oh!  Also, is it cool if I crash at yours after?  I’ll bring my own pajamas this time— and toothbrush, sorry about having to borrow yours, but—”

“Listen, um,” he coughed, lowering his voice even more, “that sounds great— but I, uh… I sort of have company for the night."

“Oh?” you blurted out, like you’d been punched in the gut— it sure felt like it.  “Oh, that’s… anybody I know?”

“No, um, we met today,” he explained.  “She, uh, came by the video store and we got to talking.”

Whore.  “Let me guess, showing her something from the private collection?” you asked— and you really did mean to refer to his literal DVD shelf, but he let out a sort of salacious chuckle.

“If all goes well,” he replied with a purr.

“R-right, well, sorry for calling—”

“No no, it’s fine,” he promised, “we’ll talk tomorrow?”

Tomorrow.  Yes, tomorrow, because I always come back, no matter how bad it hurts.  “Yeah,” you breathed.  “Good luck.”

“Thanks,” he returned, and you kept holding the phone to your ear long after the click and dial tone.

You knew you had absolutely no right to be jealous.  Honestly, you weren’t— well, you definitely were, but that wasn’t why you ran to your bed and sobbed into it.  You did that because of the hate you felt— some for Neil, some for little miss I go back to video store owner’s apartments, but plenty leftover for yourself.  You had only been through as much as you put yourself through; as much as you allowed to happen.  You stayed by his side all these years and let your heart get battered around… it wasn’t always this hard, and you used to be sure that it would be harder to stop being his sidekick.  But you couldn’t do this anymore— it was just humiliating, and useless.

You thought about calling Jonathan, but you felt guilty dumping any more weepy girl problems on him.  And, you know, that wouldn’t actually fix anything.  There was only one way to fix this, but you didn’t think you were strong enough— you knew you weren’t, actually.

It was hard to say why this one hurt so much— it’s not like you thought Neil was a virgin or something, or genuinely expected him to stay chaste after breaking up with Denise— but you suspected it was because you yourself were recognizing how long you’d been stuck in this cycle with him.  You remembered crying in your bed just like this when he got his first girlfriend junior year; you realized how little you’d changed since then.  How little you’d grown up.

So, no, you weren’t just crying because you were that jealous he was going to have sex with some random woman.  But you had to admit that was definitely part of it.

~

"Hey boss," Jonathan greeted as Neil walked in; you looked down at the tapes on the shelf in front of you, suddenly making yourself look very busy.  "How's the walk of shame?"

"I prefer 'stride of pride'," Neil replied.

“So that girl really came over after close?” Lucien realized.

“Yeah, she, uh, wanted to see The Seventh Seal,” Neil explained.

“I’m suuuuure she did,” Jonathan purred, raising his eyebrows repeatedly.

“Girls never wanna watch that,” Lucien assured.

“Hey, that’s not fair,” Neil scoffed, turning to you.  “You like it, right, kid?”

“I, um… yeah,” you mumbled— whatever you had to say to end this conversation.

“Well, did she like it?” Lucien wondered.

“Uh, we… we didn’t actually finish it,” Neil admitted, and Lucien laughed as he shoved him on the shoulder.

You glanced at Jonathan, but he was already looking at you— and you hated the pity in his eyes, so you looked away again.

They kept talking, but you couldn’t hear it over the sound of… whatever sound it makes inside your head when you’re trying not to cry at work.

~

You didn’t do it that same day: it would be too suspicious, and you didn’t want to make a rash decision while you were still so upset.  Part of you was still hoping to get through this phase and go back to the ignorant bliss you’d had so recently.  But you didn’t, and you could tell that Neil sensed something was wrong— you had been sort of avoiding him for a few days while you tried to decide what to do.

But now, you’d decided.  You reached up to knock on his office door— Neil Lewis, P.I. embossed on the frosted glass— but you sighed and dropped your fist, just opening the door instead.

He was so focused on what he was working on that he didn’t look up— and he didn’t even seem to fully process that you had come in, or that you were standing there right in front of him.  Obviously he knew you were standing there, but he let you stand there for an awkwardly long time without asking what you wanted.

You appreciated it, though, ‘cause it gave you a while to watch him uninterrupted, wondering if you might never see him so relaxed again.

“Hey, Neil…” you mumbled, and he didn’t look up from his desk.  “Um…”

Not sure what else to say, you just handed him the paper.  He finally gave you a sliver of his attention to take it, smiling in slight confusion as he looked up at you.  “What is this?”

“It’s my two weeks.”

His smile fell.  “What?”

Oh, you hated doing this— it broke your heart, seeing that look on his face.  “I, uh, I just think it’s better if I—”

“No, wait,” he breathed, standing up, “you— come on, you can’t.  It’s— what’s going on?!”

“Nothing,” you insisted as you shook your head, “I just need, uh— nothing’s going on.”

I just need some space, you were gonna say, but you knew that would just open up more questions.  “Well, are you gonna work somewhere else?” he asked.  “Are you still gonna come by, or will I just see you on movie nights?”

“I— well, I wasn’t sure about movie nights either, actually,” you admitted, and he laughed— but it wasn’t a happy laugh, it was a confused, breathless, almost angry sort of laugh.

“What the fuck are you talking about?!” he snapped.  “I— you’re my best friend!  Did I do something?  ‘Cause listen, I wasn’t serious about you offering to date guys who come into the store— I swear I was joking— god, I’m an asshole—”

“No, Neil, it’s not that, that was weeks ago,” you sighed, crossing your arms.  “I just… think maybe we’ve been friends so long, you know, and it’s like— why?”

“Why?” he repeated.

“Like, maybe we just think we have to be friends because we’ve always been friends,” you continued, “but maybe we should be like normal people and— and grow apart over time.  We were really close in high school because we were the losers that everyone ignored and now… now I think we should just… grow up.”

He looked bewildered— he looked devastated, actually.  He shook his head, breathing out a quick sigh, and you weren’t sure if he was even really listening to you but you kept going.

“Sometimes I think I can’t get a boyfriend because guys are weirded out by you— I mean, not like that,” you backtracked slightly.  “Well, kind of… but I meant, like, they don’t get that we’re just friends, and they think that you’re just trying to sleep with me—”

“Well, fuck them!” he shouted, a little louder than you would’ve preferred since everyone else was on the other side of that door.  “I mean, if they don’t get us, then who fucking cares?  They’re idiots, then!”

“Yeah, but—”

“I mean, you think I’d date a girl who didn’t want me to be around you?” he returned.  “You shouldn’t be with somebody who thinks like that.”

“Well, that’s easy for you to say, but—”

“But what?”

“But I’m lonely, Neil!” you shouted, immediately reaching to cover your mouth after you said it— mostly to hide your quivering lip.  “God,” you choked, lowering your head down to cover your watering eyes instead, “I’m just fucking… tired of being alone, okay?”

“So, what, you’re gonna leave all your friends?” he said, softer.  “Because you want a boyfriend?  That’s kinda… shallow.”

“What do you expect me to do?  Wait around forever?"

"Wait?” he repeated, giving you a confused look.  “Wait on what?"

You bit your lip.  You couldn't answer that— you couldn't admit that you'd been waiting for him all this time.  It's not like he'd asked you to, or expected you to, so you really couldn't be mad at him.  You wanted to be, of course, but you couldn't.  "I just need to leave, Neil," you whispered, knowing you'd sob harder if you spoke any louder.  "I'm sorry.  I just need to leave."

You turned, reaching for the door, and his hand suddenly came to your shoulder. His voice was needy and quiet: "You can't go, kid—"

"Don't fucking call me kid!" you spat, shoving him away as you cried harder.  "I hate when you call me that!"

I love when you call me that.  I hate that I love when you call me that.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I didn't know, okay?  Whatever I did wrong, I'm sorry.  I guess I should let you go, right?  Or I'm just making it worse…”

You weren’t sure what you wanted, really.  You wanted just as much for him to finally give you the dignity you’d been craving and let you leave, as you did for him to grab you and hold you tight and tell you that you had to stay, that he needed you to stay.

“If you wanna quit, you can quit— no two weeks needed, we’ll be fine,” he promised.  “But… are you still gonna come back tomorrow?”

He wasn’t asking about tomorrow— he was asking about every day.  Tomorrow, the next day, the next, the next after that: he was asking you to rot your life away on that couch watching weird old movies with him.  And in a way, that was all you wanted.  That part you really could do forever.  But watching him get new girlfriends, get dumped, get over it— that cycle was just going to get worse and, god forbid, you’d have to see him really truly happy with someone else.  It just wasn’t fair to anyone anymore.

You didn’t answer his question, you just looked at him again.  He looked back at you in disbelief— you hadn’t meant to blindside him like this, but it was the only way to get a semi-clean break.  You hadn’t meant to cry either, though, but that was pretty much unavoidable.  “You’re really leaving?” he said quietly in sober realization, and you bit your shaking lip as you nodded.  He looked around for a moment, as if he’d find answers somewhere in this office, and raised his hands before dropping them defeatedly.  “Why?”

You thought about how to answer that for a while— longer than was natural in a conversation.  There were a thousand things to say, but only one came out, as quiet as a whisper.  “I don’t want to hurt anymore.”

"I never wanted to hurt you," he promised.

"I know," you breathed, finally turning the knob and stepping out.

You tried to act natural, but that was impossible with tears streaming down your face.  "What's up?" Jonathan asked, more neutrally than you expected, and you broke: you hid your face and ran towards the door, bolting out of the store and down the street.  Just before you stepped out you heard Jonathan ask Neil, "Dude, what did you say to her?!"

"I didn't say anything!" Neil insisted, but you didn't care to stay to hear the rest, you just wanted to be as far away from Gumshoe Video as possible.

~

When you heard a knock at the door, you paused Casablanca and brushed the used tissues off your coffee table.  “Who is it?” you called out, sitting up slightly on the couch.

“Um,” you heard Neil’s voice from the other side, and you groaned as you curled up in a ball, “I was just checking in—”

“Go. Away.” you warned sternly.

“Can’t you just let me in?” he whined, but that’s when he tried the knob, and realized the door was unlocked.  You heard the door open and shrunk up tighter into your fetal position as he entered.  

“Hey, I, uh,” he began nervously, raising his hands in a wave but then slapping them down on his legs when he didn’t get a response, “I just… wanted to talk to you…”

You didn’t respond, and in the tense silence, he must have glanced at the TV.

“Good choice,” he noticed.

“Did Jonathan tell you?” you asked right away— because that was the worst thing that could happen.  Him coming here just because he felt bad, because he found out you loved him, not because he really loved you.  The last thing you needed was Neil talking himself into liking you just to keep you from leaving him.

“Tell me what?” Neil said earnestly.  You peeked your head out and looked at him, assessing with narrow eyes.  “Seriously, what does Jonathan know that I don’t?”

“Nothing, sorry,” you shook your head.  “You can, uh… you can say whatever it is you came here to say.”

“Oh, well, I… I kinda didn’t plan that part,” he admitted with an awkward chuckle, scratching the back of his neck.

“You said you wanted to talk to me,” you remembered.

“Yeah, but I didn’t really have any steps after that,” he sighed, and you groaned as you hid your face again.

“God, Neil, that is just like you!” you whined.

“Well, sorry!  You haven’t been talking to me, I wasn’t sure you’d let me in!” he defended.  “What am I supposed to think!”

“You’re supposed to have some kind of… speech, or something!” you explained.

“I can’t believe I’m finally the one saying this,” he said, smirking a bit, “but life isn’t like the movies, kid.”

You showed your face again, and you looked at his, and you couldn’t think of a better word for his expression than just sad.  Not a beautiful word, not a very interesting one, but the best way to describe him right then.  He looked just as miserable as you felt— and that, weirdly, comforted you a little.  You’d wondered if he was just fine without you (not that you really thought he was, with how dramatic he could be).  “Why can’t it be?” you asked quietly.

He sighed and sat down on the couch beside you; you moved your feet closer to make room for him.  “I don’t know,” he admitted, “I kinda thought our life was a movie— best friends, running a small business, getting into shenanigans…”

“Shenanigans?” you repeated incredulously.

“Well, you know, something like that,” he replied.

“It was like a movie, kind of, for a while,” you agreed.  A sad movie about a stupid lonely girl.

“I just always thought—” he began, but you tightened your jaw and interrupted him.

“What was the plan, huh?  What did you really expect to happen?” you snapped.  “That we could just… do this, forever?”

“Yeah, basically!” he shouted back.  “Why not?”

“Why not?!” you repeated.  “Neil, didn’t you think I’d ever find somebody?  Did you think I could fall asleep on your fucking couch with a husband and baby at home?”

“I— I don’t know,” he admitted, losing some of his nerve as he seemed to watch his own logic fall apart.  “I just figured you wouldn’t be with anybody who didn’t, you know, understand us!”

“I don’t understand us anymore!” you whined, setting your legs back down on the floor so you could face him better.  “It’s like— it’s just like it was in high school!  You know, I could’ve been popular if it wasn’t for you!”

“Yeah, if it wasn’t for me, and that pesky ‘who you really are’ thing!” he scoffed.  “Is that what you wanted, to be fake like everyone else?”

“No,” you admitted, “but I’m saying it’s the same thing— I could have a real life, you know, if you weren’t always around!”

“Well, Jesus, I’m sorry for ruining your boring, normal life with my weirdness,” he offered sarcastically.  “See, this whole time, I thought you were cool, but I guess you’re just a poser!”

“Oh my god,” you groaned, hiding your face in your hands, “that’s your dig?  Poser?  Are you fucking fourteen?!”

“I’d rather be a little immature than be fake,” he decided, crossing his arms proudly.

“Okay, well I’d rather be fake than be alone,” you replied, anger melting away into sadness once again; you bit your shaking lip and looked away.

“You shouldn’t have to choose,” he sighed, leaning in a bit closer to you.  “Of course I figured you’d find somebody, someday— somebody who really appreciates you, you know?  Somebody cool.  And he and I could be friends, too— I always figured he’d have a really cool name like… I don’t know, like Augustus or Rutherford or something.”

“Rutherford?” you repeated with a small grimace.

“That’s not the point— I just mean that he’d be kinda pretentious but, like, fun.  And rich.  And you could invite me over to swim in your pool and play croquet and stuff.”

You laughed a little, then sniffled.  Of course that’s what he thought rich people did.

“And you’d have kids, and they’d call me Uncle Neil,” he continued, “and I’d get them on the really cool stuff, you know— none of that Disney Channel crap, they’d be watching indie flicks and German expressionism before they even hit high school; gotta start ‘em early.”

“But what about you?” you asked.  “Where do you end up?”

“I… I don’t know,” he shrugged.  “I guess I just figured I’d always be here.”

You found yourself moving in a little closer— close enough that you had to look up at him slightly even while just sitting on the couch.  “So you really never thought about it?” you pressed, biting your lip, and you clarified even though it kind of seemed like he knew what you meant.  “Us, together?”

“God, are you kidding?” he snorted.  “Of course I thought about it, I mean… yeah, I thought about it…”

His voice changed a little the second time he said it, and your heartbeat sped up just a bit.

“But every time I thought about it, I just got so— I don’t know— scared, I guess,” he said quietly.  

“Scared?” you repeated.

“‘Cause, you know… it’s me and you,” he explained, smiling a little.  “It’s us.  And I figured that if you and I got together… that would be, you know… that would be it.”

As you looked at him, you wondered if he could see everything in your eyes right then.

“And what if I wasn’t good enough for you, right?  What if I fucked this up, like I fuck up everything, and then we’re not even friends?” he sighed, shaking his head.  “And then— and then what am I supposed to do?  Just, like, not have you in my life?”

You opened your mouth to promise him that he’d always be in your life, that you could never really go on without him— even if you’d just threatened that and stormed out of the video store— but instead, only a wistful sigh came out.

“C’mon— I don’t even know who I am without you, kid,” he laughed, and your heart jumped.

“Okay,” you agreed quietly, “but what if you don’t fuck it up?  What if we’re perfect together, and happy, and it just makes sense?”

“Then that’s even worse!” he announced with a grin, and you laughed.

“What?” you giggled, letting him pull you a little closer.

“Then we get together, and you move in, and we get married and have a bunch of babies— and then that’s it!  Me and you, heading towards oblivion,” he described, pointing forward with his hand like it was a straight path to the end, “being, you know… grown-ups.”

You dropped your forehead onto his shoulder, laughing in exasperation.

“I know it’s stupid,” he admitted, “but that’s… that’s what scared me, I think.  And I guess I just liked how things were so much— well, that’s not totally true.  There were days where I thought I really couldn’t take it anymore, that I just had to be with you, but…”

“But you’re kind of a pussy?” you finished for him, and he laughed as his arm wrapped around you.

“Yeah,” he agreed, “very much so, actually.”

You looked up at him, and the way he looked back at you was painfully perfect.  And now that you saw it, you realized it wasn’t new— he’d looked at you like this before, when he woke you up on the store couch in the morning or when you made fun of him in front of everybody or when you helped him pick what to wear for a party.  How come you hadn’t seen it before?

It seemed like you’d been scared, too.  You could’ve just told him then, you could’ve just kissed him— but maybe you were both a little too afraid to rock the boat.  “I mean, your little future plan sounds nice, but…” you hummed, “I don’t want Rutherford.”

“Don’t rule out Augustus,” he warned, tilting his head and pointing his finger at you, and you laughed softly.

“I want you, Neil,” you breathed, feeling so many emotions at once as you finally said what you’d been terrified to admit for the better part of a decade.

He took a deep breath, too— like he’d been waiting a long time to hear that.  “I want you too, kid,” he admitted.  You could’ve asked him to stop calling you that now, but since it made your knees a little weak (thank god you were sitting down already), you let it slide for now.

“Okay, well,” you decided, scooting closer to him on the couch again, “let’s agree on something.”

“Okay,” he whispered.

“Let’s get together,” you said, trying to keep your nerve, “and I’ll move in, and we’ll get married and have a bunch of babies— but we’ll never grow up.”

He laughed a little, finally seeming a bit nervous, and reached up to touch your face: his knuckles rested on your cheek while his thumb pet your temple gently.  “Okay,” he said again.

Your heart raced as he moved in a little closer, turning himself towards you on the couch, and your eyes moved back and forth from his eyes to his lips to his eyes to his lips— he’s gonna kiss me.

Just when you were about to shut your eyes and let it happen, he pulled back slightly.  “Sorry,” he laughed nervously, “I— sorry.  Been thinking about this since I was seven, it’s a lot of pressure.”

Your heart warmed to hear him admit that.  “All these years and you never thought to just man up and kiss me?” 

“I did kiss you!” he defended.

“New Year’s doesn’t count,” you scoffed.

“Good,” he sighed, “because then there’s still a chance for our first kiss to be perfect.”

“Like the movies?” you asked hopefully.

“Yeah,” he agreed softly, holding your chin and tilting it back gently.  “Like the movies.”

It did feel like a movie; you could’ve sworn you heard dramatic background music alongside the pounding in your ears.  You took a deep breath in through your nose as you kissed him back, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him closer.  There was no point in acting coy now, he knew the truth— and you were totally helpless, this was all you’d been imagining for years and it was real: in that way, it was so much better than a movie.

His hands found your back and pulled you into him, until you hopped up and straddled his lap— holding his face, running your fingers through his hair, kissing him as desperately as you could get away with.

He certainly didn’t seem to mind, in fact he just held you tighter and kissed you harder and even pulled your hips down into his lap where you gasped at the feeling of a firm bulge in his jeans.  “You’re already hard?” you noticed, pulling back just enough to speak, and he laughed breathlessly.

“Jesus, you’re already making fun of me,” he coughed.

“I’m not!  Sorry,” you laughed, “I just— we only started kissing a minute ago—”

“Yeah, but— come on, kid, you’re gorgeous,” he sighed, “and you can’t pull me towards you with my shirt like that without expecting a reaction…”

“I really wasn’t trying to get you worked up,” you cooed, “I just need you that bad.”

“Fuck,” he laughed, running his hands up your back, “you can’t say stuff like that either…”

“I can’t?” you pressed with a smirk as you ran your hands over his chest through the t-shirt.  “Or what?”

“Orrr I’m not gonna have very much patience,” he explained with a grin, “and I’ll just have to make love to you on this couch right now.”

“Oh, make love,” you repeated, shimmying your shoulders a bit, “you don’t have to be so formal, Neil.  You can just fuck me.”

He growled and grabbed you tight, throwing you down on the couch as you beamed and he descended upon you.

You tugged at each other’s clothes hungrily: you had on some baggy old shirt that he tossed aside quickly, he was wearing band merch that he barely stopped kissing you long enough to let you get over his head.  You’d seen him shirtless all the time when you went to the beach together or he just changed shirts in front of you (‘cause guys can just do that, your sanity be damned), you’d even felt him shirtless before due to playful wrestling in the pool, but wow it felt different to have his bare torso pressed against you, and you loved it already.

You know what else felt different?  Neil staring down, mouth slightly open as he panted, at your tits.  You almost felt self-conscious until he grabbed your waist and latching his mouth onto one needily.  

“Fuck,” you groaned, gasping as the tip of his tongue flicked over the bud of your nipple.  His hand squeezed the other one with just the right amount of roughness— his hands were big, and hot, and you’d put quite a lot of consideration into how they’d feel running over your skin.  They were lovely, as were his fingers pinching lightly at your nipple until you squirmed.  “Neil, c’mon—” you started to beg.

“Hold on,” he groaned against your skin, hot breaths tickling where his spit wet your breast, “been waiting a while to do this.  Wanna savor it.”

Well, he could savor all he wanted, but you had been waiting too long to have any patience left; you reached down and got his belt open with a little finagling, pushing his jeans down his legs with your feet.  His boxers, annoyingly, stayed up, but he smiled at you and started to pull your shorts down, too.

So there you were, laying together on your sofa— him on top of you, you staring up at him in amazement— both in just your underwear.  And socks, technically, but you weren’t really worrying about those at the moment.

“Are we gonna do this like they do in the movies, too?” you asked with a breathless laugh.

“They don’t show this part in the movies,” he replied quickly.

“Not those movies…”

He got your drift and grinned a little, but shook his head.  “No, not like that.  I want this to be, you know, special…”

“Neil, I’ve been in love with you since I was twelve.  It’s gonna be special no matter what,” you promised, holding his face for emphasis.  “Doesn’t mean it can’t be, you know, kinky.”

He raised an eyebrow in intrigue.  “Kinky?” he repeated.  “Would you mind clarifying that for me?”

You bit your lip and looked away shyly.  “Well, you know, I’ve thought about, like… like maybe how it would be if you tied me to the bed…”

He grinned.  “Alright,” he replied expectantly, waiting for the list to go on.

“Or if you bent me over your desk at the store,” you added, heart racing with nervousness to admit that fantasy, “and had to cover my mouth to keep me quiet…”

“Fuck,” he groaned in agreement.  “What else?”

“O-or, you know, that thing where you just keep someone inside you for hours,” you breathed, “and don’t even move, just keep it, you know, warm— we could watch a movie like that—”

“Jesus, kid,” he sighed, “you, um, you really thought this through…”

“Yeah…” you admitted, moaning softly and holding tighter onto his back as he leaned down and kissed your neck.

“I had no idea you were so dirty,” he laughed against your skin.  “Whatever movie we watch like that, it better be shit ‘cause I have no chance of paying any attention.”

“W-well, you said you thought about it too,” you remembered.  “What did you think this would be like?”

“I didn’t think about that, I’m too romantic,” he denied proudly as he hovered above you again, “I just thought about, you know, taking you on dates and buying you flowers and stuff.”

“O-oh,” you choked, embarrassed.

“Just kidding,” he winked, “I’m not a saint.  I thought about how you’d look riding me.”

You giggled slightly, glancing away as you were forced to imagine that, too.  

“And how these lips would look,” he continued, softening his voice and running his thumb over your slack bottom lip, “wrapped around my cock—”

“Fuck,” you whispered, nearly overwhelmed by the look in his eyes.  “I thought about that too…”

He growled and kissed you hard, reaching down to roughly tug your panties lower.  “God, I wish I had the patience for that now,” he mumbled, “but I just need to be inside you—”

“Okay,” you agreed happily, pressing yourself against him as you hugged him closer.

Sliding your hands down his back, you pushed his boxers down his hips and gasped when his cock sprung out and brushed over your inner thigh.

You reached down and grabbed a hold of him— mostly so you’d have a chance to get some idea of what he was about to put in you— and you both gasped for different reasons.  You couldn’t speak for him, really, but for you it was a sound of disbelief at how big he was.  Not, you know, concerningly massive or anything— you were thankful for that, in fact— but thick and long and curved and oh look you were already guiding that fat tip to your opening because you couldn’t wait anymore.

Clearly he was struggling with a similar impatience because as soon as he felt your entrance he shoved his hips forward and pushed inside— finding some resistance, just from his size, but then you went limp under him and just let it happen.

You were both breathing heavy like you’d run a mile, when you’d barely moved at all; he was only halfway in, and you already felt so full…

“Fuck,” he moaned at the feeling, “you’re so wet, fuck—”

But then he pushed in the rest of the way and you winced just from the intensity of it— it didn’t hurt, really, but it was… a lot.  In every sense of the word.  "Oh my god," you gasped, holding on tightly to his arms.  

He moaned louder, dropping his head into the crook of your neck; he put a hand on the top of your head to keep you steady (and close) as he pumped into you a bit faster already.  “You’re so fucking wet,” he said again— it would’ve made you self-conscious that he focused on that so much if it wasn’t obvious that it was driving him wild.  But you couldn’t really justify pointing out his sudden boner before when you were soaked like this, could you?

Fortunately, it seemed like he had long since forgotten about that…

It seemed like he never looked away from you, hardly ever even shut his eyes— he just watched your face, with a few detours to look at the way your breasts bounced with each thrust.

The pace was steady and simple, there were no fancy moves or dirty fantasies: he just kissed you sometimes, and watched you the rest of the time.  You didn’t say much until you started to feel the pressure building in your gut— up until that point, nothing needed to be said— but the way he was making you feel suddenly compelled you to start running your mouth.

“So good,” you blurted out, and he groaned a little in agreement.  “You feel so good, Neil…”

“Yeah?” he confirmed.  “Feels like we were made for each other.”

That was not only the most perfect thing you’d ever heard, but undeniably true: the curve of his cock seemed to fit right inside you; he was just big enough to push to the end of you without making your stomach hurt; every movement stretched your walls exactly how you’d craved for longer than you wanted to remember; and you were soaking him, and probably yourself, it was like you just couldn’t stop.  Every movement made you feel more insatiable and yet more perfectly satisfied— it was impossible, but it was happening.  That’s how it felt: impossibly good.

“Doesn’t it?” he asked, like he was worried you didn’t agree, but you only hadn’t said anything because you knew how loud you would be if you opened your mouth.

“Yes!” you cried out, dropping your head back— see, that’s exactly what you were worried would happen, but he just growled and fucked you deeper.  “Yes, fuck yes, Neil—”

“Uh huh?” he encouraged you gruffly, holding you a little tighter, watching you with darker eyes.

“Yes, oh my god,” you choked out, whining and digging your nails into his back sort of unintentionally.  “S-so deep…”

“Yeah,” he agreed, “and you take it so good— you feel so fuckin’ perfect, kid…”

Wow, yeah, you really should’ve hated being called that in a moment like this, but you enjoyed it a little too much.  "Fuck, m'gonna—" you began your warning.

"Come," he finished for you— no, it was a demand.  "I want you to.  I wanna see it."

"O-okay," you breathed, "just don't… don't stop…"

He shook his head, fucking you a little faster as he panted.  "Not gonna stop," he promised, "not until you're so fucking full—"

"God, Neil," you whined, the pressure in your gut building more and more, making your legs tighten around his hips.

"Until I've given you every drop of come," he continued with a grunt, "and it's fucking dripping out of you—"

"Fuck."

"For days—"

"Fuck—"

"Tomorrow at work—" he mentioned specifically, and your back arched as it hit you; jolts of energy crawled up and down your back, your walls clenching rhythmically around him.  

You definitely said something but you were too fucked out to keep track of it.  How was it your job to know what you said?!  It was something with oh my god and Neil somewhere in there for sure, but that was all you knew.  He didn’t even slow down, by the way, just keeping his pace and mumbling praises to you with a rough voice.

As the raw pleasure faded, you found a new feeling swelling within you— a sudden mix of all sorts of emotion, growing faster than you could fight it off.  You’d never felt like this, at least in this specific way, but you knew all too well what was coming: you were about to cry.

You weren’t sad, you were anything but sad, but apparently there were just too many pent up feelings and recently-released hormones coursing through you for you to do anything but cry.  It happened so suddenly that you couldn’t even think about how you should handle it— if you should warn him or suddenly get up and run away so he wouldn’t see you like that.  You were terrified he would be confused and overwhelmed by it, but you were out of options; you bit your lip as it started to shake, tightening your hold on one of his shoulders, and sniffled involuntarily as tears welled in your eyes.

“Oh god, baby, are you okay?” he breathed, his movements coming to a halt, and you nodded your head feverishly.

“I’m okay,” you whimpered, “I’m fine— I’m really good, I’m just—”

He sat up and pulled you up with him, sort of perching you in his lap, and you looked away as you tried to will yourself to stop crying but failed miserably.  “Do you want me to stop?” he asked softly.

You shook your head, hugging him so he wouldn’t see your wet face.  “N-no, don’t—”

“What’s going on?” he asked, smiling a little even as his voice was heavy with concern; he kissed the side of your head as he pet your hair gently.

“I’m just— m’just really happy,” you breathed shakily.  “I just can’t believe this is happening— in a good way.”

He beamed and pulled back to look at your face, holding your cheeks and wiping your tears away with his thumbs.  “Yeah,” he agreed, “I know— that’s how it feels for me, too.”

You choked on another sob, and he soothed you softly, holding you a little closer.  “Don’t stop, please,” you whispered, “you said you wouldn’t—”

“Yeah, but I gotta make sure you’re okay,” he laughed.

“I am, really,” you insisted, with a sniffle, “it’s happy tears, I promise.  Y-you can keep going, unless all the crying is turning you off…”

“No, it’s okay, kid,” he promised with a little laugh, leaning down to look into your eyes when you tried to glance down, “hey— it’s sweet, okay?  And I always thought you were kinda cute when you cried— um, not in a creepy way, but, y’know, like… when we watched sad movies and stuff, and you would hide your face in my shirt—”

You whimpered and shoved your face into the crook of his neck.

“Kinda like that…” he mumbled, rubbing your back as he laid you back down on the couch.  “Hey, shh, it’s okay… m’gonna move again, alright?”

You only nodded a little, holding onto him tightly, still crying but managing to get a moan out when he carefully thrusted into you again.  He found his pace again, though slower and gentler than before, and lifted himself partially to hover above you.  Pushing away some hair that had clung to your face, sticky with sweat and tears, he smiled down at you.

“Hey,” he whispered, “look up at me…”

Afraid to face him like this, you hesitated but blinked quickly as you looked back at him.

“You look beautiful,” he promised quietly.  “This is how it was supposed to be, okay?  This is how it always should’ve been.”

You nodded in agreement, starting to cry a little harder— though it was pure joy, there was no other way to describe it.

“And this is how it’s gonna be now,” he assured, “you and me.”

“Yeah,” you whispered under your breath, reaching up to run your fingers through his hair.  He kissed you again softly, and the rest of it was like that: more gentle and patient, shockingly tender, until you two were just melting into each other and you shamelessly gave into every emotion and sensation he guided you through.

~

Today, the store was running a special on cop movies— so you and Neil were, obviously, dressed appropriately in fake uniforms he got on clearance at the costume shop.  Was yours technically a reconstituted ‘sexy cop’ with fishnets and a tight latex skirt?  Yes, but you at least ditched the fuzzy handcuffs…

You were sitting on the front counter, swinging your legs and watching Neil as he roamed the store, your eyes lingering on the way those navy blue pants did his ass more than a few favors… the whole outfit was working for you, shockingly.  The badge, the aviator shades— you were even beginning to see the appeal of the fake mustache.

He seemed to notice you looking, and he smirked at you proudly as he set down the tape he’d been holding.

“Hey,” Neil purred, taking off his sunglasses somewhat dramatically— he sauntered up to you, putting his hands on the counter on either side of your legs.  He had that sparkle in his eye as he looked you up and down, and you bit your lip.  

“Hey,” you returned, reaching up to drape your arms over his shoulders.

“You look cute,” he hummed at you proudly.  “Who picked out this outfit for you?”

“Oh, that would be my super weird boss,” you smirked, your fingers tracing the neckline of Neil’s semi-unbuttoned uniform shirt and the slightest hint of chest hair peeking out from it.  “He makes me dress up to promote our specials.”

“He’s probably got a crush on you,” Neil suggested with a grin.

“You think so?” you cooed as you leaned down, kissing him with a smile still on your lips— but you made a little face and pulled back.  “The mustache feels weird…”

“Mm, but you’re still gonna kiss me, right?” he assumed proudly— he knew damn well you found him totally irresistible.

“Yeah,” you admitted with a giggle as you kissed him again: deeper, and longer, but still slow and sweet.

The front door jingled as Jonathan walked in.  “Woah, hey, workplace!” he groaned, covering his eyes for a minute, and you laughed as you broke away from the kiss, shoving Neil aside and hopping off the counter.  “How are our resident lovebirds doing?”

“Horny,” Lucien answered in a thoroughly unamused tone.

“Well, why don’t you let us take over for a couple hours?” Jonathan suggested with a shrug.  “Me and Luc can manage and you two can, you know, take a long lunch and shake each other down.”

“What?  No,” you grimaced, shuddering at the idea of Jonathan and Lucien waiting for you two here and knowing exactly what you were doing a few blocks down at Neil’s apartment.

“Alright,” Neil agreed at the same time, but quickly changed his answer to a rushed “n-no, yeah, definitely not.”

Lucien smirked and Jonathan shook his head.  "Suit yourselves," he replied as he walked away.

You planned to walk away, too, and finally get back to work, but Neil wrapped an arm around you and pulled you into him.  You smiled and hugged him back, leaning your head against his chest with a satisfied sigh.

When he let you go, you lingered for just a moment longer before finding the strength to pull away and get back to work— yet again, he stopped you, this time by touching your face to turn it back to him and softly mumbling ‘hey’.

“What is it?” you asked quietly as you looked up at him expectantly.

“I love you, kid,” he said gently, petting your cheek for a second.

“Wh-what way do you mean that?” you wondered, and he furrowed his brows with a smile.  “Like— we used to say that sometimes,” you went on, awkwardly stammering as you looked down again, “but, you know… we never meant it like that—���

He interrupted you with a soft whisper of your name, getting your attention once more, tilting your head until your gaze met his.  “I only ever meant it one way,” he admitted.  “That way.”

one year later…

You wandered through the crowded video store, doing lots of waving and greeting and patting of shoulders— thanking everyone for coming out to celebrate with you.

A gaggle of women suddenly descended on you with giddy delight, and you took turns hugging them and repeating your practiced line about how you were so glad they could make it.

“You look great,” Helen informed you, and you dismissed it with a wave of your hand.  “No, really, it’s so cute!  You look good in white.”

“You think so?  I was worried it would be weird,” you admitted as you looked down at the silk cocktail dress.

“No, it makes perfect sense,” Priyanka said, “and it’s so cool!  Is it real vintage?”

“Yeah, you know how we are,” you shrugged and laughed.

“Well, let’s see the ring!” Helen insisted with a squeal, and all three women yelped happily when you brandished your left hand for them to get a good look at it. 

“Oh my god, it’s gorgeous!” Georgia gasped.

“Thank you,” you beamed, “I can’t imagine where Neil got the money for it— god knows it wasn’t here, I’ve seen our margins!”

The ladies all seemed to grab your hand at once and yank it closer, tilting your finger to watch the stones sparkle in the light.  As they fawned over it, you looked over and found Neil watching you, beer in hand, looking totally smitten.  You waved with your free hand and got a small wave back, making you smile even wider.

You split away from the girls after a while, soon stopped by one of Neil’s only friends who actually had this whole adult thing mostly figured out: Marcia, though her husband and baby were across the store meeting the many, many guests who wanted a chance to hold the precious thing.

“I always knew he loved you,” Marcia insisted as she winked at you.  “I’m so glad he finally figured it out.”

“Yeah, me too,” you agreed with a laugh.  “It’s been great— like, really great.  All the fun we had before, but—”

“But you get to have him all to yourself?” she assumed with a grin.

“Well, sure,” you admitted, “but not just that.  He’s changed a lot, you know.  He’s still the same Neil I always loved but…”

You trailed off, but she nodded like she understood.  “But he’s grown up,” she finished for you.

“We got together on the condition that we wouldn’t grow up,” you explained, “that we wouldn’t change and get, you know, boring.”

Marcia rolled her eyes, making you feel much younger than her than you were.  “That’s what you figure out eventually,” she replied, “that growing up is a lot more fun when you’re growing together.”

Her unexpectedly sage advice was still in your head almost an hour later, when you and Neil reunited at the back of the room.

“You ready?” he asked you softly, and you nodded with a smile.

“Been ready for this for a long time,” you replied.

Neil got the crowd’s attention, motioning for the guests to gather in a vague semi-circle facing you and him; you squeezed his hand, feeling your heartbeat pick up just a bit.

“We just wanted to thank you all for coming,” Neil explained, “I mean, it’s so special to have everyone we love gathered in our favorite place…”

You looked out at the crowd filling the store and noticed that, all together, it was a lot more loved ones than you realized you had.

“And with that in mind, we do have a little announcement,” he continued with a beaming smile.

“Pregnant!” Lucien blurted out, and you glared at him as a fellow guest slapped him on the arm.

“Not that,” Neil laughed, “maybe I shouldn’t have said it that way but, uh, anyways…”

“This isn’t just our engagement party,” you admitted with a grin, “it’s our wedding!”

You pulled the mini-veil out from where you’d hidden it in a fake VHS clamshell and quickly clipped it on, the crowd clapping and gasping, and you motioned for Jonathan to come forward to do the honors.

“The bride and groom have prepared special, joint vows,” Jonathan explained as he stepped up beside you both, pulling notecards out of his pocket.  You and Neil faced each other, holding your hands together between you; he even swung your hands a little as he smiled at you, and you laughed softly.  “Do you take each other in marriage, for life, no takebacksies?”

“We do,” you both replied.

“Do you swear to tell the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?” he asked, and you gave him a confused look.  “Sorry— wrong line.  Watching too much Law & Order…”

Your spectating friends and family chuckled, though some seemed nervous with Jonathan making a joke like that during your literal wedding ceremony— but you thought it was perfect.  You wouldn’t have asked Jonathan to officiate if you didn’t want some ill-timed, goofy joke.

“Do you promise to keep each other close in body and spirit, to share your joy and pain, and to face every day together as best friends and life partners?”

“We do.”

“And do you swear,” Jonathan went on, suddenly getting very serious and lowering his voice, “to always, without fail… be kind and rewind?”

The crowd chuckled, and you and Neil agreed enthusiastically: “We do.”

“Then, by the power vested in me by a very shady website that I think might have been some kind of minister license scam out of Estonia… I now pronounce you husband and wife,” Jonathan beamed, throwing his notecards in the air triumphantly.  “Now kiss each other, ya idiots!”

It was one of those wedding kisses that went on a little too long, a few whistles and whoops from the crowd alerting you that it might be too steamy for such a public moment— but damn, was it perfect.  As much as you just wanted to grab onto your husband and never let go, both of you were instantly swarmed by loved ones wanting hugs and to offer their congratulations.  You obviously obliged, thanking everyone you could for being a part of this impromptu ceremony… and basking in the joy when most of them said something about how they always expected this or couldn’t believe it took so long.

“Congrats, man,” Jonathan mumbled to Neil as he grabbed him by the shoulder.  “I think this is the part where she fucks me and kills Lucien.”

“Shut up,” Neil scoffed as he shoved Jonathan away, but he couldn’t stop smiling— and he couldn’t stop staring at you. Here's looking at you, kid.

#neil lewis x reader #neil lewis smut #watching the detectives #cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy smut

[amuseoffyre]

With all the loving pastiches and tributes to films and media that Douglas and Neil threaded in through so much of Good Omens, it got me thinking about the way the Metatron has been presented.

The first time we encounter him in S1 is when Aziraphale contacts heaven through the summoning circle and the Metatron appears as a giant floating head:

In season 2, we get the same thing when Crowley is in Heaven, seeing the evidence of Gabriel's trial, but when he shows up in a human form, none of the angels recognise him and Crowley is the one to say he was "a big floating head".

But first time he showed up, my very very first thought back in 2019 was of this bozo:

Oz, the Great and Powerful, from the Wizard of Oz. aka a fraud, someone pretending to have all the power but actually having none of it. The big floating head is a trick, an illusion, an impression of power for the man behind the curtain.

When the Metatron came back in S2 and threw a spanner in the works, I was abruptly reminded of the Wizard getting Dorothy and her friends to go off on a mission to get him the thing he wants. He manipulates them, preying on their deepest wishes, to get them to do dangerous things on his behalf.

And then we have the Metatron coming to Aziraphale and saying "I can give you the power to protect and restore your friend if you just come back to Heaven and do this little job for Almighty..."

Given that God's voice has not been heard by any of Her angels in the canon of the show, except in passing when Crowley and Aziraphale heard Her talking to Job in 2500BC is HMMM. This is allegedly God's Great Plan, but the fact that this shady fella is the one handling everything - and everyone - makes me suspicious.

#good omens #good omens spoilers #the metatron #good omens s2 #good omens meta

[britishchick09]

1888 rewrite christine: “he’s not a ghost or a phantom… he’s a man!”

1889 rewrite erik:

#did i meme right? #two in one night! ;D #i just wrote christine's part in the rewrite #in '88 rewrite erik would agree that he's a man but a year later it's a bit more than that! ;) #he's a man who identifies as a woman but calls himself a lass! (because it's a scottish word most wouldn't catch that it means girl) #he's complicated but comfortable! :) #when christine said that he had no idea! #even though they experience a lot of growth in the main rewrite story there's so much more to come in short stories/mysteries! :) #also i heard 70s neil sedaka on the radio (so different from 60s him!) and his voice has rewrite erik vibes! (same with wayne newton!) :D #poto rewritten

[neil-gaiman]

Greetings, Mr. Neil! I don't even know if you'll answer, but to start, I wanted to tell you that I love your job. I love your shared work with Mr. Terry, the book I consider a masterpiece. I'm also sure Mr. Terry is looking down at you from up above, smiling, with a pleased face, because he is proud of you that you managed to make his wish come true alongside a great group of wonderful actors and directors.

I wanted to share with you this little thing that means a lot to me. It was the year 2019, I was going around various cities to do visits and check-ups for my mental health problems, when one day I decided to enter a bookstore, and there I saw "Good Omens" for the first time. I picked it up and looked at it, but I was in a hurry so I didn't buy it. On the night of that same day I had a dream, a very realistic dream where I saw myself enter that bookstore, pick up the book, pay for it and come out of that store with it in my arms. I didn't pay much attention to it, but then, the next night, I had the exact same dream. I had this dream three nights in a row. On the fourth day I had to go back to the city where that bookstore was, and I finally decided to buy the book. Since that day, I haven't had that strange, all too real dream. It was as if the book itself was calling me. It was an eerie feeling but also very beautiful and intriguing. I read the book and then found out that a TV series was coming out soon! I bought the book of the series, the DVD, and recently also the Script Book! I'm a huge fan, and I'm very proud of being one. Good Omens has helped me a lot in particularly difficult moments and continues to help me to this day.

Now, the question... I have so many I can't make up my mind, but... it's about when Gabriel remembered something for the first time.

He remembered what God had said to Job. He said it, too, but his voice was kind of distorted, and in that distortion, I could hear the voice of God overlapping. Why is it? Was it meant to be heard? Because I remember you saying you didn't need God's voice for this second season...

Thanks for reading this far, and thanks again for bringing such a masterpiece into the world together with Mr. Terry. <3

That's Frances McDormand as God, yes. I didn't need her voice as narrator, but we needed it as God in Episode 2...

[thebearer]

love, i found you |carmen berzatto x reader|

prompt: how anchovy berzatto came into your and carmen's lives. or the story of anchovy berzatto, dumpster kitten turned spoiled cat.

contains: mentions of animal being abandoned/ stray kitten. small, malnourished anchovy but nothing graphic (i won't do that to you i promise). mainly fluff. language. richie being a hater a little lol.

word count: 2.9k+

“Chefs, keep the stations clear-” 

“-Has anyone seen Richie?-” 

“-Jeff, I need more branzino for the seven fishes-” 

“-Heard, Tina. There, uh, I think there’s some-” 

“-Carm, have you seen the books for tonight?-” 

“-Has anyone seen Richie? Richie! Where the fuck is he?” 

A chaotic melody of screams meshed together in some kind of disarray of harmony, one speaking over the other, the sound of pots and pans clashing, hisses of sizzling food in them a backtrack to the madness. 

“I’m right here, Sugar.” Richie scoffed, buttoning the front of his jacket. He patted your shoulder in passing, cheek pressing lightly to yours, muttering, “How’re you, sweetheart? Doin’ good?” In passing. 

He was the first to notice you, even over Carmen. The rest of the staff bustling through the kitchen prep, trying to squeeze everything in before the family meal. Carmen had invited you to family, but you were starting to regret agreeing, feeling useless and in the way in the face of the hectic nature. 

“Where have you been?” Sugar huffed at Richie, heels clacking in a stomp towards the office. “I have a million fucking things- oh, hey.” She paused, eyes lighting in a greeting when they landed on you. 

“I didn’t know you were here. How are you?” Sugar hugged you, a soft side hug in greeting that you returned stiffly. 

“I’m good. How are you?” You muttered, eyes still scanning the kitchen. 

Sugar let out a dry laugh, pressing a hand to her forehead. “Ask me in about an hour.” She shook her head. “I have a million fucking things to do as I was telling Richie.” She turned, eyes narrowing pointedly at the man. “Only two dishwashers showed up tonight.” 

“You’re shitting me.” Richie groaned. “That fuckin’ jagoff- take a chance on me, bullshit.” 

“Yeah, so Neil needs to wash utensils tonight between the floor, ok?” Sugar jabbed a manicured nail into her clipboard. 

“Is there anything I can do?” You squeaked, much smaller than you meant it to. Richie and Sugar turned to you, both blinking, like they’d forgotten you were even there. “Carm invited me to family, but I can help. I can wash dishes if you need me too. I don’t have anything else to do.” 

“That would be-” Sugar nodded in a sigh, a small smile spreading across her face. “Did I ever tell you I love you? Seriously.” She turned to Carm, who was passing behind her. “Carm, don’t ever fuck this up with her, you hear me? I’ll kill you.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Carmen muttered, and you knew by the drone in his voice he wasn’t listening, too consumed with other things, discarding vegetable scraps into the trash. 

“This thing is fuckin’ full. Can they not- Oh, hey.” Carmen’s features softened at the sight of you, spine straightening gently. “When’d you get here?” 

“Just a few minutes ago.” You leaned forward, his lips brushing your cheek softly in greeting. “I didn’t want to disrupt. You seemed… busy.” 

Carmen snorted. “Yeah, uh, that’s a word for it. Busy, out of my fuckin’ mind because this trash is fuckin’ full!” He boomed at no one in particular. 

“Now, I gotta take this out and replace it, and that puts us back, and every second counts, does it not, cousin?” Carmen rambled, glaring at Richie, yanking the sides of the trashcan off the rim. 

“Look, I didn’t know that the two didn’t show-” 

“-No, of course you didn’t. Can’t pay attention to shit-” 

“-Alright, let’s bring it down.” Sugar lifted her hands, eyeing Carmen with a slight nod of her head towards you. 

“Sorry.” Carmen muttered, eyes lifting to you. “Sorry, cousin. I-I’m just, we’re fuckin’ booked, an-and I’m so far behind-” 

“-I’ll take it.” You squeaked, a little too eagerly. Carmen’s brows furrowed, you cut him off before he could finish. “No, seriously, you’re all busy. I’ll go take this out and then I’ll help make sure the utensils are ready.” 

“N-No, I can’t ask you to do that. That would be shitty.” Carmen shook his head, pulling the trash bag out of the can. 

“Good thing you didn’t ask me. I offered.” Your hand wrapped over his, squeezing his closed fist gently with a tiny grin. “Go, I got it.” 

Carmen beamed, cheeks tinging pink. If he wouldn’t have been in the middle of the kitchen prep rush, he would’ve kissed you, pressed you right up against the wall and smooched you sloppy. Instead, he let you take the trash. 

“Gary!” Richie called behind you. “Make sure you let her back in, alright? Just knock and he’ll let you back in. You’re a fucking life saver, y’know that?” Richie beamed, pushing the heavy steel door open so you could duck under his arm. 

It was surprisingly warm- well, warm-ish for Chicago in the winter. No snow, no need for a heavy jacket but brisk enough for a chill. The dumpster lid was already flipped over, and you were thankful for that, slinging the bag over the edge, turning to go back inside. 

You stopped, halting just as you’d turned. The tiniest squeak of a cry, desperate and alert. You turned scanning the alley walls, the corners by the dumpster until you heard it again, that same pitiful whimper echoing off the metal of the dumpster- inside the dumpster. 

You hesitated for a moment. You couldn’t leave it, whatever it was, it sounded pathetic and in pain. Your eyes flickered back to the building, you could see Gary in the small window, head turned towards the others. They were so busy, you couldn’t ask Carmen or even Fak. 

“I’ll be right back.” You cooed towards the dumpster frantically. “Just hold tight for me, ok? I’ll get you out, one sec.” It was silly, but you felt the need to say it, even if just for yourself. 

Sprinting towards the door, you knocked on the glass rapidly. Gary pushed it open. “I need your help.” You stopped him before he could walk away. “J-Just for a second. I promise.” 

Gary’s brows furrowed. “Yeah, are you- you’re ok?” 

“Yeah, I mean,” You turned towards the dumpster. “There’s something in there. I think it’s a cat? I think it’s hurt.” 

“A cat?” Gary’s eyes widened, still, he followed your furious pace towards the dumpster. “Wait, I-I don’t think- Lemme get Carm-” 

“-No, he’s busy.” You shook your head. “It will just take me a second. I just need you to help me get down.” 

Gary paused, watching you in complete awe- maybe horror- push off a discarded crate towards the ledge of the dumpster. “This is- no, this is fuckin’ crazy, I’m sorry. You don’t know what that thing has-” 

Your small gasp cut him off, eyes rounding in awe. There in the piles of trash, a fuzzy blip of orange fur nestled into the black bags- a tiny, scraggly kitten, mewling helplessly. 

“Oh my God,” You muttered. “It’s a baby.” 

“A baby?” Gary gawked. 

“A kitten baby.” You corrected, lip jutting. “I have to get it.” 

“I really don’t think you should be doin’ this.” Gary looked back at the door then to you. “You can’t go in the dumpster, c’mon.” 

“You want to go in instead?” You huffed, eyes rolling at his disgusted snarl. “Just- I’ll do it.” You leaned to the side, taking a deep breath of fresh air, swallowing down a gag at the expected smell. 

Holding your breath, you let yourself fall into the dumpster, the squishy bags of trash uneasy under your feet. The small kitten whined, crying at the shift of your weight. 

“This is fuckin’ insane.” Gary muttered, shaking his head. 

“Aye, Sweeps, what the fuck?” Richie’s voice boomed, the slam of the door making both of you jump. “Take your smoke break later, you jagoff, I need your-” 

“-I’m not-” Gary huffed in annoyance. “She’s in the dumpster.” 

“Who?” Richie asked. 

“Me!” You swallowed a retch, the pungent stench of the trash filling your senses as you crouched closer towards the kitten. At least it wasn’t summer. 

“Why the fuck is Carmen’s girl in the dumpster?” Richie roared. “Carmen! Get out here now, cousin!” 

“Why is she in the dumpster? Why the fuck are you in the dumpster?” Richie’s furious stomps were muted from the outside. You cringed, still trying to hold your breath, coaxing the small kitten into your hold. 

The poor thing, so small- so fucking small. Shaking in your hold, crying and whining, but turned into the warmth of your palm. A cry bubbled from your chest, mixing with a gag at the smell. 

“Cousin, what? What the fuck is-” Carmen bounded outside, stopping when he saw the top of your head pop up, out of the dumpster. “The fuck?” 

“Your girl’s in the garbage.” Richie shook his head. 

“Yeah, why the fuck- Baby, w-why are you- What are you doin’?” Carmen jogged towards you, hoisting himself over the side of the dumpster, arm extended for you. 

“She found a cat.” Gary rolled his eyes in annoyance. 

“A cat?” Richie repeated. 

“A kitten.” You showed Carmen, pulling the small thing from your chest, where you cradled him close to you. 

Carmen blinked at you. “You went in the dumpster f-for a cat? A cat?” He shook his head, confused. “Baby, that thing could have diseases a-and rabies and shit-” 

“-He’s starving.” You countered, lip jutting in a firm pout. Carmen hated the way he could feel himself melting. The determination in your glare, ferocious yet soft. 

“I could hear him crying, a-and I couldn’t leave him.” You shook your head, petting the tiny kitten’s soft fur. 

“So you climbed in the trash?” Richie snarled in disgust. 

“Climbed right in the dumpster.” Gary nodded. 

“Alright.” Carmen looked over his shoulder at them, a pointed glare on his face. “Just- Lemme get you outta there, alright?” 

“Here,” You handed him the small cat, carefully cradling him. Carmen hesitated, a grimace in his scowl. Your eyes narrowed at him, a warning. “Hold him gently.” 

So he did, of course he did, it’s what you wanted. Passing him to Richie with the same snarl of instructions, pulling you out of the dumpster, a firm hold on your waist as you climbed back over. 

Richie was passing you the kitten with a grimace of disgust, dusting his hands off dramatically. “There. There’s your garbage cat that can not come back in the restaurant. Cousin,” He glared at Carmen. “We don’t want another fuckin’ C. Get shut down for havin’ fleas or shit.” 

Carmen glared at him. “No, he’s right.” You nodded. “Can you bring me my purse? I’m going to see if I can get him checked out. I’ll be back.” 

“Let me come with you.” Carmen offered, motioning for Gary to go get your things, untying his blue apron. 

“Carm, no. You’re busy. I can do it.” You shook your head. 

Carmen rolled his eyes. “No, I’m comin’ with you. Last time I let you do somethin’ alone. End up in the fuckin’ garbage.” He snorted playfully. “Besides, I think there’s a place down the street. The vet has been in a few times. I’ll see if I can, y’know, coerce him to squeeze us in.” 

“Coerce?” You lifted your brows playfully, petting the tiny kitten gently, trying to still his quivering. 

“Yeah, coerce.” Carmen rolled his eyes, swapping his apron out for his jacket, handing you yours. “Give ‘im a free dinner or somethin’.” 

“No fuckin’ way, no.” Richie shook his head. “Cousin, you’re already late- Sydney is pissed, and you’re not bringing that fuckin’ flea bag in here.” 

You held the small cat close to your chest, still damp from his bath at the vet. Carmen’s coercing had worked, Dr. Vallenti had took the bribe happily, squeezing you both in for a check up. The tiny kitten, barely two pounds, malnourished and positively pitiful. You didn’t even have to ask, Carmen knew from the way you held him close to your chest, eyes rounding just barely when the vet asked if you’d be keeping him. 

“Of course,” Carmen nodded easily, squeezing your knee gently. “Just give him whatever he needs for right now, and what we need t’get. We’ll get it.” 

“He doesn’t have fleas, Richie.” You sneered, cradling the small cat in your jacket to keep him warm. His shake was down to a soft tremble, not as constant but still there. 

“Yeah fuckin’ right, rabies then-” 

“-Cousin.” Carmen sneered. Richie stopped with a huff, throwing his arms up and muttering something as he stormed away. 

“Here,” Carmen muttered, a hand on the small of your spine, pushing you into his office. “I’ll grab you a bowl and a plate for his food, alright? You just, just stay in here, ok? Richie’s right, he can’t be out.” 

“I’ll keep him in here.” You nodded, sitting in the small chair. “Do you have a towel?” 

“Yeah, I’ll grab that too.” Carmen slung his jacket off, running a hand through his messy curls. “I, uh, I gotta get scrubbed up and put my stuff on, but if you need anything just yell, alright?” He ducked out to the small closet, snatching a towel and two dishes off the drying rack. 

“I’ll be alright.” You hummed, fingertip tracing down the kitten’s tiny head. He purred under your touch, made your chest burst with warmth. 

Carmen’s lips pulled in a smile, putting the dishes on the ground for you, shedding his own shirt. You were entirely enamored with the cat, that was for sure, not even a sideways, ogling glance at Carmen’s shirtless figure. 

“Shit.” Your head snapped up, wide eyed at Carmen. “I forgot the dishes. I-I’m so sorry, I can-” 

“-It’s alright, baby.” Carmen dropped his pants, biting back a smirk at how your eyes did drop this time. “Tina got her son and his friend to come in. We’re good, baby.” 

“Oh.” You nodded, eyes lingering on his boxer clad ass, before back to the kitten. “Good.” 

Carmen shrugged on his chef’s coat, walking over to you. “It’ll be kinda a late night.” His eyes softened in apology. “I’ll have someone run you a plate when we get outta the weeds, alright?” 

“Thank you.” You muttered, head tilting back for a kiss. Carmen obliged, your lips pulling him in for a longer kiss than he expected, sweet- left his body burning with heat. “Thank you.” You repeated, eyes shining sweetly. 

“C’mon.” Carmen whispered gently, shaking his head at you. “You know I would do anythin’.” He pressed a kiss to your head, looking down at the small kitten before he left. 

“I think he likes it?” You whispered, on your stomach next to Carmen. 

It was nearly two in the morning, the two of you just returning back to the brownstone you called home. Lying on the freshly laid tile of the kitchen, you watched the small cat explore the space. 

“Yeah, think he’s gettin’ used to it.” Carmen muttered, shaking the small stick so the feather danced over the kitten, grinning when he’d scrunch and bat at it clumsily. 

You pressed your head into your hand, watching the kitten prowl, ears finally perked up instead of flat back in fear. “We have to name him.” You blinked, looking up at Carmen. 

“Yeah,” Carmen grinned. “Yeah, that-that would be a good idea, right?” He beamed playfully. 

You smiled, gently petting the kitten’s back, smiling at how he arched into your touch. “I think it should be something kinda with the restaurant.” You suggested. “Since that’s where we found him.” 

“Yeah? Like Bear?” Carmen muttered. 

Your nose crinkled gently. “He doesn’t really look like a Bear.” 

“No,” Carmen agreed, shaking his head. “More like a Garfield.” 

You snorted lightly, rolling your eyes. “That’s such a gimme name.” You shook your head. “Maybe not the restaurant, exactly, but… similar?” 

“Yeah? Like Trash Can?” Carmen muttered, lips curling playfully. 

You gasped lightly, smacking his leg playfully. “No.” You huffed. “Something maybe with food?” 

“Carrot?” 

“No.” You pouted lightly, head tilting towards the small cat, occupied with Carmen’s sweatpant strings. “What about, like, Anchovy?” 

“Anchovy?” Carmen snorted in amusement softly. 

“Yeah, like the fish.” You shrugged softly. “And cats eat fish- well, in the cartoons they do, y’know?” 

“Yeah, I know, baby.” Carmen grinned softly down at you. “You think he looks like an Anchovy?” 

The small kitten turned, perking towards Carmen, padding happily over to him. Your face lit, glowing with beaming pride and adoration as Carmen scooped up the small kitten, let him rub his face into his chest sleepily- sweetly. You thought you might melt into a puddle on the floor at the sight. 

“Alright.” Carmen laughed lightly. “Think you’re right. Think he’s an Anchovy.” 

“Anchovy Berzatto.” You hummed, crawling between Carmen’s spread legs, petting the tiny cat. You smiled so brightly at Carmen, his own cheeks burned, flaming under your radiant affection. 

Your lips caught him again, pulling him in for a sweet, longing kiss over the small kitten’s head. Your hands in Carmen’s hair, pulling him closer and closer, kissing him like a lifeline- it made his head swim, chest swell with adoration. 

Anchovy chirped, teetering on a meow and yawn, little paw stretching in Carmen’s hold. Your forehead pressed to Carmen's, you ducked down to coo at the small kitten, moving to sit in between Carmen’s legs, your back to his chest. 

Home with your little family, complete with the little kitten, Anchovy Berzatto.

#thebearer #bearblahs #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto x reader #the bear #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto fluff #anchovy berzatto #richie jerimovich #sugar berzatto #sydney amadu #natalie berzatto #carmen berzatto ​x fem!reader #carmen berzatto x female!reader #carmy fluff #carmy berzatto fluff #the bear fic #tina the bear #the bear fx #the bear hulu #the bear fanfiction #carmen berzatto fanfiction #carmen 'carmy' berzatto #carmen berzatto blurb #camren berzatto x female!reader #carmen berzatto angst #carmen berzatto smut #pete the bear #jimmy the bear

[joycrispy]

I found the quote I was trying to remember earlier:

Terry looked at me. He said: “Do not underestimate this anger. This anger was the engine that powered Good Omens.” I thought of the driven way that Terry wrote, and of the way that he drove the rest of us with him, and I knew that he was right. [...] And that anger, it seems to me, is about Terry’s underlying sense of what is fair and what is not. It is that sense of fairness that underlies Terry’s work and his writing, and it’s what drove him from school to journalism to the press office of the SouthWestern Electricity Board to the position of being one of the best-loved and bestselling writers in the world. [...] Terry’s authorial voice is always Terry’s: genial, informed, sensible, drily amused. I suppose that, if you look quickly and are not paying attention, you might, perhaps, mistake it for jolly. But beneath any jollity there is a foundation of fury. Terry Pratchett is not one to go gentle into any night, good or otherwise. He will rage, as he leaves, against so many things: stupidity, injustice, human foolishness and shortsightedness, not just the dying of the light. And, hand in hand with the anger, like an angel and a demon walking into the sunset, there is love: for human beings, in all our fallibility; for treasured objects; for stories; and ultimately and in all things, love for human dignity. --Neil Gaiman, Sep. 24, 2014. theguardian.com.

These paragraphs have stuck with me for almost a decade. I read this article the day it came out, and it struck a chord that's still ringing, to be honest. Back then, I'd only read maybe 5 books of Discworld; this article was the first I'd heard of Good Omens.

I think of this --'do not underestimate this anger'-- literally every time I think of Terry Pratchett. I certainly thought of it when I finally did get around to Good Omens a few years later --as an audiobook, borrowed from my library. I listened for the sound of the engine.

Posting this here to remind myself to keep listening.

#about me #thinking about injustice thinking about human dignity thinking about what is fair and what isn't #thinking about anger as the engine; but love keeping that anger on the side of the angels #thinking about greatness of spirit and what that looks like #thinking about #good omens #naturally #gnu terry pratchett

[otdiaftg]

The King's Men - Chapter Eight

Day: Friday, January 19th Time: 6:40 PM EST

Neil pushed the brothers from mind and followed the men into the changing room. He twisted his combination into the lock on his gear locker and pulled the door open. There was a split second of unexpected resistance, then a sharp pop of something breaking. And then—blood. It exploded in his locker, triggered by the door opening, and Neil recoiled as it cascaded over everything inside. The smell of it was so thick it clogged his throat and choked him. Neil's shock only lasted for a white-hot second before panic took over. He dove at his locker, grabbing for his uniform and gear. It was too late and he knew it, but he had to try. His jersey squelched in his hands like a swollen sponge, spurting blood all over his fingers. He dropped it and scrabbled for his helmet. His fingertips grazed hard plastic but couldn't latch on before Matt grabbed him. "No," Neil said, but Matt hauled him away from his locker. "Wait!" He dug his feet in, but the tread of his shoes were soaked and slid across the ground. The blood had hit the bottom of his locker and was now spilling onto the floor in a swiftly-spreading puddle. Hanging from the top of his locker was an empty plastic bag, rigged to tear open when the door pulled too wide. It looked big enough to hold at least two gallons; it was more than big enough to destroy every single piece of gear Neil owned. "Nicky," Andrew said, "get Coach." Nicky bolted. Neil elbowed Matt as hard as he could. Matt cursed as he lost his grip on Neil. Neil ran back to his locker, skidding a little as he got closer. He had to catch himself on the neighboring locker to keep from falling. As soon as he had his balance he frantically unloaded everything piece by piece. He couldn't tell his Home and Away jerseys apart anymore. Even the padding on his armor was wrecked. Neil picked his helmet up and turned it to watch blood slide off the hard plastic face guard. "Neil?" Matt asked. Neil dropped the helmet to the pile at his feet and punched the back of his locker. His fist hit plastic instead of metal, and Neil wrenched the broken bag off its hook. When he turned to throw it Andrew caught his wrist. Neil hadn't even heard Andrew cross the room toward him. Neil stared at him and through him, heart pounding in his temples. "It's ruined," Neil said, voice ragged with an awful rage. "It's all ruined." Wymack burst into the room with Nicky on his heels. The sight of so much blood stopped him short for a moment before he strode for Neil. "Is that yours?" "Coach, my gear," Neil said. "It's—" "It's not his." Andrew let go of Neil and went back to his own locker. "He's fine." "Peroxide," Neil said. "Does Abby have any in her office?" When Wymack just looked at him, Neil started for the door to find some himself. Wymack put an arm in his way to stop him. "I need to clean my clothes before the blood sets or I won't have anything to wear tonight." "And I need you to derail that one-track fucking mind of yours for two seconds and focus on the fact that you are covered in someone or something's blood. Are you okay?" "Andrew already said I'm fine," Neil bit out. "I'm not asking Andrew," Wymack said. "I'm asking you."

Art used with permission by Sam. Thank you @02511213942!

#aftg #all for the game #neil josten #tkm #the kings men #the foxhole court #andrew minyard #palmetto state university #psu foxes #andreil #on this day in aftg #otdiaftg #palmetto state foxes #otdi all for the game #nora sakavic #the foxes #on this day in all for the game #kevin day #nicky hemmick #aaron minyard #coach wymack #abby winfield #matt boyd #dan wilds #renee walker #allison reynolds #artists #02511213942 #CW: Blood

[slut4thebroken]

Tease

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Pairing | Neil Lewis x girlfriend!reader

Summary | You show up to work wearing something he’s never seen on you before and, because of his reaction, decide to tease him for the entire day.

Warnings | Smut, 18+, sexual content, kissing, lowkey public sex?, thigh fucking, groping, grinding, misogyny?, a tiny bit of angst, sexual tension, creampie hehe, humiliation, praise, overstimulation, orgasm delay/denial, Neil is down bad for reader lowkey (highkey).

Words | 6.1 k

Notes | idk I just like horny simp Neil.

Ao3 link | <3

Masterlist

“W-what are you wearing?” He choked out, almost dropping the stack of tapes in his arms. 

“What?” You asked. He glanced at your legs as you walked closer, then turned around as you passed him to go clock in. 

“What the hell are you wearing?” He tried again, firmer this time. You turned around, your brows furrowed in confusion, and his eyes kept going from your legs to your face. 

“What? Neil, they're called shorts. It’s literally the middle of summer.” 

“Those,” he held the tapes in one arm and gestured wildly at your legs with the other, “are not shorts. Those are practically underwear for fucks sake.” The door suddenly opened and you both turned to the customer walking in. 

“Hi, welcome!” You called out, giving him a warm smile. He murmured out a response then started browsing the shelves. “We can talk about you and your fragile masculinity later.” You whispered to Neil, making his mouth fall open. 

“Me being concerned about my girlfriend showing off her ass does not mean I have fragile masculinity.” He hissed back. 

“It’s not even out and you don’t decide what I fucking wear, Neil. Get over yourself.” You spat. 

“Yes it is!” He yelled, but quickly lowered his voice when the customer looked over. 

“No, it’s not.” You seethed, then reached for the waistband of your jeans and pulled them up even more, giving yourself a minor wedgie just to spite him. “But now it is!” You said with a saccharine smile as you flipped him off and turned back around to continue what you were originally trying to do. You heard him choke behind you and you knew his whole face was red from anger and arousal. The thought made you smirk. 

You didn’t intend for him to react this way. You just woke up late and threw on the first pair of shorts you could find. Sure these were from a few years ago… but they didn’t fit that much differently. Or so you thought. But it’s more fun to tease him like this. 

After setting down your bag and clocking in, you walked to the back to grab a box and start shelving the returned tapes. Neil manned the register, sometimes clearing his throat and stuttering if you were in his eyeline. The store was empty again and he grabbed a few tapes to start putting away. Once you knew he was about to be behind you, you bent over to put a tape on a lower shelf, then almost immediately heard a loud crash. You stood up and turned around, finding him clutching one of the racks to keep it from tipping over as the tapes in his hands laid scattered at his feet. 

“Are you okay, Neil?” You asked innocently, making him look at you again with a scowl. “Let me help you with those.” You walked over and dropped to your knees in front of him, then got down on your hands to stick your ass out as you collected the tapes. You grabbed a few and leaned back up, holding them out for him, but he was frozen, staring at you with wide eyes and parted lips. His gaze wasn’t even on your face, it was on your low cut tank top that had slipped down a little and exposed the top part of your bra. 

“I’m not going to sit here forever, do you want them or not?” Almost as if he was in a trance, he raised his arms, letting you set the tapes in his hands. You leaned back down, sticking your ass up farther this time, and collected the rest of the tapes. You stayed on your knees as you handed them to him, but got back up once the door opened again. You greeted the person and Neil continued gawking at your body. Honestly you almost started to feel bad for him, but this was too amusing for you to stop now. 

The day dragged on slowly. You ended up cleaning the floors and the couches a little, collecting all of the trash and pieces of popcorn lodged in the sides and between the cushions. You leaned down to look under the couch and spotted more trash, but it was too far back for you to reach it. 

“Hey, Neil?” You called out, sticking your ass up and arching your back more. You heard a loud stomp, as if he had tripped, then he muttered curses to himself, making you smirk. You looked over your shoulder at him, still staying in that position, and his eyes were practically glued to your ass. 

“Y-yeah?” He asked, voice cracking embarrassingly. He cleared his throat and forced his gaze to your eyes. 

“Can you just move the couch back a little? I can’t reach the trash under here and I’m not strong enough to move it myself.” You are. He probably knows that. But he agreed anyway. 

He stepped forward and pushed one arm of the couch back, then walked over to the other side to do the same thing. You shuffled closer on your knees and arched your back even more to press your chest flat on the ground so part of your shoulder could get under the couch— You weren’t lying when you said you couldn’t reach it, but you could’ve used a broom or something. 

“Almost.. got it…” You groaned, reaching farther. “Fuck— c’mon… I’m so close.” You muttered, but in your bedroom voice. Your fingers brushed the trash, but you didn’t grab it yet, wanting to drag this out a little more. You let out a whine of discomfort at your position and tried to reach further under the couch. “Almost there… so close— so fucking close.” You all but moaned, wiggling your ass a bit. You were being pretty obvious by now so he had to have known what you were doing, but he still didn’t say anything. 

Deciding to be done now, mostly because your knees were actually starting to hurt like this, you moaned quietly and pretended to reach further. Once you grabbed the trash, you let out the noise you usually make when you lay down after you finish riding him— a mixture of a huff and a groan. You scooched back out, shaking your ass a bit as you did so, then leaned up with a heavy breath. You held up the trash with a proud smile. 

“I got it!” He was completely frozen, lips parted, eyes wide, entire face and neck flushed, and you could see the large bulge in the pants now. You stood up finally and placed a hand on his bicep. “What would I do without my big, strong boyfriend to move couches for me?” You said teasingly, giving him unnecessary praise just to fuck with him more. 

“I— You… That..” 

“Hm?” You tilted your head a little, giving him a chance to try again. The door opened again and you greeted the customer before taking a step away from him. 

“But— you…” He all but whined, giving you puppy dog eyes as you started backing away. 

“Neil, we can’t just stand here all day. We actually have to work.” You said with a quiet laugh and a warm smile. 

“Excuse me?” A man called out, so you walked over to him. “I was just wondering what action movies you’d recommend?” You could feel Neil’s eyes on you as you walked over to that section and pointed out different films that you liked until he picked one. “What about comedies?” You walked over to that section, him trailing along behind you as you started listing out different titles and descriptions. 

The only response you were getting was “uh huh” or “yeah” so you turned back around just in time to see his eyes snap up to your face. You brushed it off and kept talking until he picked one. 

“Will that be all for today?” You asked. 

“No… I have one more question actually. What adult films do you recommend?” Your eyes widened as you stared at him, thinking he was joking, but he was completely serious. 

“I-I’m not really sure I’m qualified to give you a good recommendation for that.” You said awkwardly. 

“I’m not interested in watching something a man likes. I’m asking you so I can learn what women like— maybe pick up a thing or two.” It was hard to tell whether he was smiling or smirking. 

“Oh. Then uh… I guess I can help.” You glanced at Neil, who was already watching you, then cleared your throat and led him to that section. “If you want something that accurately portrays female pleasure, I’d recommend this one.” You pointed to it and the man nodded, waiting for you to continue. “That’ll probably be your best bet for learning new stuff.” You shrugged. 

“What’s your favorite though?” Now he was definitely smirking. 

“Um…” You cleared your throat with a blush and turned toward the shelves. “I’ve seen this one once or twice.” 

“That’s not what I asked, sweetheart.” He chuckled. You were suddenly really regretting wearing the clothes you chose today. 

“Need some help?” Neil asked and you all but breathed a sigh of relief. The man’s expression dropped as he turned to face him. 

“What, you don’t trust a woman to help me pick out a decent film?” He tried turning the situation into something it’s not, but Neil didn’t budge. 

“Not because she’s a woman. She’s new, barely been here a week. As the owner, I’m sure I’m more than qualified to help you though.” He gave the man a fake smile, making him scoff and roll his eyes. 

“Whatever. This store is weird as shit and you’re a fucking tease.” He spat, dropping the films to the floor and walking out. You quickly pulled your shorts down as far as you could and crossed your arms over your body. God— you felt so stupid. In what universe would dressing like this in public ever end well for you? This could’ve easily been done on a day off, spent at home where no one can see. 

“What a fucking creep.” He muttered, breathing a sigh of relief. 

“I- I think I’m gonna look in the back for something to change into.” You said quietly, feeling like you were about to cry. Honestly you just wanted to go home, but it’s only you and Neil today. You can’t leave him on his own. You kept your head down as you walked past him, but he gently grabbed your wrist to stop you. 

“Hey— wait, baby.” You took a deep breath and bit your trembling lip as he turned you around to face him. When he cupped your cheek, you couldn’t hold the emotions in anymore. 

“I’m sorry, Neil. I- I didn’t… I was just trying to have fun but,” A choked sob cut you off and he shushed you as he pulled you into him, wrapping his arms around your body tightly. 

“It’s not your fault. If it were your fault then every customer would have acted the same way. That guy was just a dick.” He cradled the back of your head as you buried your face in his chest. 

“If you really want to change, I’m not going to stop you. But if you want, I’ll give you my shirt and you can stay behind the counter for the rest of the day.” You still.. technically wanted to continue whatever game you were playing. But you just felt so unattractive and gross and stupid and turned off. “Or you can go home, baby. There’s only a couple hours left and weekdays are usually slow anyway.” 

“No. No I can’t… I can’t leave you here alone.” You croaked, lifting your head up to look at him. “I- I’ll just wear your shirt.” Honestly you wanted to wear sweatpants and a hoodie right now, but his scent was already starting to calm you. Maybe it could calm you even more while you finished working. 

“Are you sure?” You nodded and stepped back, sniffling as you subconsciously covered your body again. He only hesitated for a moment before unbuttoning it and taking it off, leaving him in just a t-shirt. He helped you into it then gave you a soft kiss on your forehead, making you blush. 

The rest of the day went by slowly. Only two other people came in, one of which was a man, but you felt safe hidden behind the counter and in his shirt. Neil finally locked the door and turned the sign to say ‘closed’ while letting out a heavy breath. He walked back over to you and stood on the other side of the counter, leaning his elbows on it to get closer to you. 

“Can I help you?” You giggled, getting flustered by the proximity. 

“Why yes actually. My girlfriend had a rough day today and I want to bring home a film to cheer her up. What would you recommend?” Despite the reminder of what had happened today, a small smile creeped up on your lips. 

“Are you sure she wants a movie? There are plenty of other ways a guy could cheer a girl up.” You said suggestively, trying not to laugh. 

“Really? Well, do you have any recommendations for that?” He continued playing along, doing much better at containing his laughter than you. 

“She might like a kiss. That’s always a good start…” You said quietly as you glanced at his lips. 

“And what should I do after that?” He rasped, leaning even further across the counter. 

“I have a few ideas… but she might want you to surprise her instead.” Your voice was getting embarrassingly breathless now. 

“She hates surprises.” He whispered. 

“Not this kind.” You said, just as quiet. You were subconsciously leaning closer until you could feel his breath fanning your lips. Your eyes fluttered shut and your nose brushed his for only a moment before he finally connected your lips. Letting out a quiet sigh, you leaned even closer to him and brought a hand up to run through his hair. He pulled back far too soon and you whined as you tried to pull him closer by his hair, but he just let out a breathy chuckle in response. 

“Let’s go to the couch.” 

“We should go home, Neil… People can still see inside and it feels wrong to fuck on a public couch.” You said with a quiet laugh, even though you wanted him now. 

“Who said anything about fucking?” He didn’t let you get another word in before walking over and plopping down onto the couch. You followed, but he stopped you as you started to sit. “No. Continue your little game from earlier.” You blushed and averted your gaze, suddenly getting shy. 

“Neil…” But you didn’t know what to say. 

“I think there’s a tape stuck in the VHS player. Can you try getting it out?” There was no tape, his tone made that obvious, but so did the bulge in his pants— he wouldn’t ever have you do something work related after hours, especially while he’s horny. “Or it can wait until tomorrow and we can head home.” He was giving you an out, letting you stop the scene if you were uncomfortable, without feeling awkward about it. 

“No, I’ll give it a try.” You smiled, then shuffled over to the tv on your knees. Putting one hand on the ground, you stuck your ass out just the slightest amount while your other hand pretended to do stuff on the device. “Any suggestions?” You looked over your shoulder and his eyes snapped up to your face from your ass. 

“Maybe there’s a cord unplugged or a cable loose or something.” He gestured to the floor, so you lowered your chest down and pretended to look at all the wires down there. “Anything?” 

“Not that I can see.”

“Try getting a little closer maybe.” You shuffled closer, then wiggled your hips a bit as you ‘searched.’

“I don’t know, Neil… Everything looks normal.” 

“I’ll call someone about it then. Thank you for trying, baby.” You leaned back up and turned to face him, still on your knees. 

“Anything else you need me to do?” You asked innocently, making him chuckle. 

“I’m not gonna overwork my best employee. Come up here.” He patted his thigh and you scrambled to your feet to go straddle him. Your hands settled on his shoulders and his grabbed your hips. “You should wear my clothes more often. They look good on you.” He murmured, leaning forward to trail kisses over your neck. 

“Better than my own clothes?” You smirked, making him laugh breathily against you. 

“Definitely not.” He kissed up to your ear, then down your jaw until his lips brushed yours. This time you leaned forward. When he squeezed your hips tighter, you moaned quietly and brought your hands up to tug on his hair. The kiss was messy and desperate, releasing hours worth of pent up sexual tension in just that one simple action. 

His hands snaked around to your ass and he groped you almost painfully, making you gasp out a moan. He took the opportunity to slip his tongue inside your now open mouth and licked into the kiss. You were panting as much as you could while being kissed and he started pulling your hips to grind on his covered cock. You whimpered and tightened your grip on his hair, making him let out a low groan and pull back enough to speak. 

“These fucking shorts…” He gruffed, pulling you harder against him. “Were you trying to kill me? Honestly I should have you arrested for attempted murder.” You giggled at that— his humor during moments like this were your favorite. When he suddenly pulled his hand back and brought it down hard on your ass, you yelped embarrassingly in surprise. He was back to groping you, using his grip to help you grind on his bulge. 

His hands snaked up to the waistband of your shorts and he pulled them up even further, making you whine and bury your face in the crook of his neck. The motion gave him a better view so he grabbed your ass again and tilted it up more, arching your back almost uncomfortably to get a good look. Even if you weren’t currently grinding on him, the seam of your shorts would’ve been enough to leave you panting and moaning, desperate for more. He slid his fingers under the leg holes and pulled them up even more, then started moving your hips even faster. 

“Let me see your tits, baby.” He whispered, making you whine, but lift yourself up anyway. He never stopped moving your hips as you reached for the top button on his shirt and slowly worked your way down. “I can’t fucking take this anymore, please let me see.” He whined, his hips bucking up into you now. Once his shirt was unbuttoned, you shrugged it off, letting it fall to the floor. You were practically spilling out of your bra and he removed one hand to tug down the front of your tank top and expose even more of you. 

“Fuck…” He groaned, leaning forward and kissing across your chest. He started mouthing at your nipple through the bra, making you whine at the lack of real stimulation. 

“Neil…” You tried to beg. 

“You did this to yourself, baby. Dressing like this.. bending over for me and sticking your ass out… kneeling and giving me a perfect view of your tits.” He landed a rough smack on your ass, making you jolt. “That was all you. Now it’s time to accept the consequences of your actions.” 

“Please!” 

“No. Get up.” You pouted, but stood on shaky legs, watching him lay down. “On my lap facing away from me.” He ordered. You tentatively crawled onto him and straddled his hips, looking back at him over your shoulder as you waited for the next command. 

“Give me a show, baby.” You whined once you understood what he wanted. Placing your hands on his thighs to brace yourself, you started rocking your hips, grinding on his bulge. He groaned quietly behind you. 

“Stop.” Your hips slowed to a stop and you waited in anticipation. “Pull them up more,”

“But I already basically have a wedgie, Neil!” You pouted, moaning when he slapped your ass again. 

“Up.” He growled. You huffed, but moved your hands to the waist and pulled them up more. “Now hold them there and keep going. Faster.” You whined as you adjusted your position to start grinding on him without being able to steady yourself. “Higher.” He spanked you again, forcing a whimper out of you. You lifted them even more until it was almost starting to hurt. 

“Good girl.” He groaned. Your thighs were starting to burn, but every time you slowed, you got another spank, each one harder than the last. After a while he huffed— and probably rolled his eyes. “Lay down.” You finally let go of your shorts and leaned forward so you were laying between his legs. He groped your ass, pulling your cheeks apart and pushing the shorts up to expose more skin. When his thumb ran over your mound, you jolted with a startled moan. 

“Holy fucking shit.” He chuckled, making you stiffen. What the hell was so funny? “You soaked through the fucking jeans!” He laughed loudly and your whole face flushed in embarrassment. “Oh my god this is priceless. You’re really that horny?”  

“Stop teasing me, Neil.” You whined with a frown. 

“I’m sorry, baby.” You could tell by his tone that he wasn’t. 

“You’re being mean.” You pouted and he rubbed over your clit a little harder now, making your hips flinch back toward the pleasure. 

“I’m being mean… It’s not like you spent the entire day teasing me…” 

“I’m sorry.” You whimpered, hips squirming. He shushed you and removed his hands from your body, making you whine quietly. When you heard his belt, you paused. “Neil?” You asked quietly, but he ignored you. Clothes were rustling and he was shifting under you until he grabbed your thighs, pushed him together. 

“Thighs together. Feet over my shoulders.” He demanded and you finally realized what was happening. 

“Neil, no. I’m sorry— please fuck me.” He smacked your thigh this time, making you cry out. You dropped your head onto the couch with a whine, but moved into the position he wanted. His cock was pressed firmly between both thighs and against your covered heat, and you left out a long, bratty whine to protest. It cut off into a yelp though when he slapped you again. 

“Stop it.” You felt like a child with the way he reprimanded you. His hands settled on your hips and he lifted you a little, giving himself just enough room to thrust up into you. “Squeeze my cock, baby.” You whined, but squeezed your legs together and he started bucking his hips, fucking your thighs. 

When you tried to slip a hand between your bodies to rub your covered clit, he slapped your thigh again, much harder this time. 

“Hands behind your back.” He demanded, making you whine. 

“Neil, please! I said I’m sorry— please just fuck me…” Your voice trailed off into a pathetic whimper toward the end of your begging. 

“Hands behind your back or I’ll come like this and we’ll be done.” He warned. You sobbed out a moan, but put your hands behind your back. “Good girl. While you’re at it, pull those shorts up more.” With a quiet whine, you moved your hands down to grab the waistband of your shorts and pull a little. They were already up so high, there wasn’t really anywhere for them to go, but Neil wasn’t satisfied. 

“You wanted to parade around and show off your ass so fucking show me.” He growled and you tried pulling again. 

“Can’t, Neil.” You whined.

“If you want me to fuck you then you need to figure it out.” You wanted to cry out and kick your feet— throw a tantrum basically. But that wouldn’t get you what you wanted. 

You reached down a little more and grabbed each leg hole, then pulled. The fabric was digging into your cunt in a way that was pleasurable for a while, but was quickly becoming painful with the more force you used. It was also just uncomfortable having a wedgie with something so thick. 

“Better.” You knew he meant ‘better, but not good enough’ so you pulled them up more. 

“Hurts..” You whined with a pout. 

“Poor baby.” He cooed condescendingly. “If only you hadn't been a tease all day.” He started bucking his hips up faster and grunting quietly as he panted. It sounded like he was close and you frowned at the realization. “More.” He ordered breathlessly. “Pull them up until your eyes get as wet as your cunt and you’re begging me for mercy.”

You cursed under your breath and bit your lip as you pulled even harder. It was so hard doing this to yourself. If he had done it, then you probably could’ve endured the pain, but you were having a hard time doing it to yourself. 

“I don’t hear any crying or begging.” He hinted. With a quiet whine, you yanked the shorts hard enough to make the sound turn into a pained cry. More than half of your ass was exposed now and even though this was painful and degrading, it was making you needier. Needy for his touch, his praise… needy for him. So you kept pulling, letting out a strangled sob and burying your face in the cushion, trying not to think about the fact that this is a public couch. 

“Good girl.” He groaned, tightening his grip on your hips and bucking up even faster now. “God these shorts are so fucking hot…” He moaned breathlessly. “Maybe I’ll start enforcing a work uniform…” You didn’t have to look at him to know he was smirking. “Since you seem to love showing off your ass so much.” He removed one hand from your hip to spank your ass, then immediately put it back. You let out a startled moan and instinctively squeezed your thighs tighter together when your body tensed up, making him choke on a moan as his thrusts faltered. 

“Holy shit… Keep squeezing me like that, baby.” His voice was even more breathy now. You kept your thighs firmly pressed together, even as he cursed and moaned loudly when his orgasm finally hit. Most of his come landed on your thighs but some of it covered your ass and shorts as well. His sounds quieted and he loosened his grip on your hips, letting you lay on him as you relaxed your thighs. 

“Neil…” You whined, on the verge of tears. 

“I know, baby.” He said through a breath as he continued panting, trying to calm down. “Lean back up.” You let go of your shorts and moved your legs forward so you were kneeling again. “I’m not done looking at your ass in those shorts and I need a minute before we can continue so ride my thigh.” 

“Neil, please.” You sobbed out, trying to turn around but he grabbed your hips again. 

“Stop fucking complaining and just do it.” He gruffed, making you whine. 

“Please! Please just fuck me already— I can’t take this!” You cried, vision going blurry with tears. 

“Fine.” He huffed, pushing you off of him as he sat up, but remained facing the center of the couch. He grabbed one of the pillows and threw it on the couch beside you. “Ride that instead.” Once he saw your expression, he continued. “Ride it or we’re done for today.” Your gaze shifted between him and the pillow as your bottom lip started trembling. He sighed and scooched closer to cup your cheek. 

“I know you’re needy, baby. You’ve been such a good girl for me. Can you keep being good just a little longer? Then I’ll give you what you want.” He said softly, making you practically melt. Hesitantly, you gave a small nod, biting your lip. “That’s my girl.” He whispered before leaning closer and giving you a gentle kiss. You tried not to frown when he pulled away then moved back to his position on the far end of the couch. 

With a quiet sigh, you turned around and straddled the pillow. His come was already staining it— you’ll have to remember to take it home to wash. You closed your legs a bit to keep it in place, then slowly started grinding on it, spreading the mess. Honestly, the jeans were doing more for you than the pillow was, but you had to be good. You wanted to be good for him. He cursed under his breath, so you sped up a little, trying to put on a show for him. 

“Fuck, baby…” He groaned, making you blush. You were whining now, speeding up and letting out quiet whimpers and moans each time you rocked your hips. You needed more so badly. 

“Neil,” You murmured, still trying to be good while vocalizing how you were feeling. 

“Is it not enough?” He cooed, almost sympathetically, and you shook your head with a quiet sob. “Okay, baby. Take them off now.” You could’ve cried in relief when he finally gave you permission. You removed the shorts quickly and discarded them and the pillow on the floor. “Underwear too.” You complied eagerly, then you were facing him, staring at him with wide, pleading eyes. 

“Please fuck me.” You whimpered. 

“Lay down.” He said softly, moving off of the couch to give you more room. He stroked his cock a little, bringing himself back to full hardness. Once you were laying down, he crawled over you, forcing your legs open as his body settled between them. 

“You’re such a good girl.” He whispered, giving you another kiss. This one was longer and a little more passionate than the last. He pulled back but kept his face close, his nose brushing yours as you both panted. When he lined his cock up with your drooling hole, your breath hitched. He pushed in slowly, forcing you to feel every inch as he filled you. “Fuck you’re so wet.” He said through a breath, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against yours. He took a moment to compose himself, only moving when you started whining and squirming. “Okay, okay. I know.” He chuckled quietly, making you pout. But the expression left instantly when he slowly dragged out before pushing back in at the same speed. 

“Neil,” You gasped out, clinging to his shoulders and digging your nails into his skin as you whimpered. He hissed and his hips stuttered before he sped up a little. 

“So good for me…” He whispered, voice barely audible. “Take my cock so fucking good.” You whined loudly and pulled him down to bury your face in the crook of his neck, trailing sloppy kisses over it since you could barely focus. He kept the pace slow and sensual for a while, panting lightly and caressing you softly. 

“Please.” You whimpered, feeling your orgasm quickly approaching. “Neil, please.”

“I know, baby.” He said through a breath, speeding up a little more. “Your little pussy’s just aching to come on my cock, huh?” He snaked a hand down and started rubbing your clit. That action, along with his words, had you mewling and arching your back up into him, desperately trying to get closer to the edge. 

“Please,” Was the only response you could give. 

“Be a good girl and beg for it.” He said teasingly, making you let out a long, bratty whine. 

“Please make me come, Neil. I need it.” You whimpered, giving him puppy dog eyes. “Please— it hurts.” 

“Oh, it hurts? You poor thing.” He cooed mockingly, holding back a smirk. 

“Please! I’m sorry for teasing, Neil. Please let me come.” His fingers sped up on your clit, forcing a choked moan out of you. “I’m so close… I’m so close— please,” You started babbling out senseless pleas, getting closer to the edge. 

“Okay, baby. You can come now.” You almost cried in relief. 

“Thank you! Fuck.. thank you,” You moaned. By now your hips couldn’t stop moving, trying to get more pleasure out of his thrusts and his hand on your clit. He didn’t reprimand you for it though. When he leaned down and started kissing your neck, the knot of arousal in your stomach finally snapped. 

You cried out, clinging to him desperately as hours worth of pent up arousal finally exploded. Tears were brimming in your eyes from the intensity and you could just barely hear his moans through how loud your own were. 

“Good girl.” He murmured, kissing your neck just below your ear. Your body trembled as he worked you through it, only moving his hand away from your clit when you finally sagged into the couch. You whined when he started thrusting faster and he shushed you. “I know, baby. I know it hurts, but just hold on for a little longer.” He begged and you couldn’t help the strangled sob that escaped you. It was too much. 

“Neil,” You whimpered. 

“You’re okay. Just a little longer, I promise.” His voice was getting breathier and more desperate as his thrusts became frantic, chasing his second orgasm. He pressed his lips to yours and he sped up even more somehow, making you cry out into the kiss. 

“It hurts,” You sobbed quietly, making him pull away from your lips, but not stop thrusting. 

“I’m so close, baby. Just let me come— let me come and I promise I’ll be done.” Even though he was technically “asking” you to let him do that, you knew he wasn’t really asking. “Fuck— fuck, I’m…” He choked out, cutting off into a whine as his hips stuttered, then finally slammed all the way in. Your whimper wasn’t heard over his loud groan each time he bucked his hips, trying to go impossibly deeper. You could feel the heat of it inside you, making your clit just barely start throbbing again. His movements finally stopped and he panted against your neck as he recovered. 

“Fuck…” He breathed, laughing quietly. You couldn’t help but laugh a little too. “Are you okay?” He finally leaned up to look at you, getting concerned by the tears still in your eyes. Instead of responding, you pulled him down into a kiss, feeling his cock give a little twitch inside you. When you pulled back, there was a love-struck smile on your face. 

“Mhm.” You hummed and he chuckled at your response. 

“We shouldn’t have done this here because now you’re sleepy and you’re gonna complain the whole time when I make you get up so we can go home.” He said amusedly. 

“I absolutely am gonna complain the whole time.” You smirked, making him scoff teasingly. He slowly pulled out and both of you hissed because of how sensitive you were. He pushed your legs open more to watch his come trickle out of you. Letting out a low groan, he bit his lip and shook his head in disbelief. 

“I will never fucking get tired of this sight, I swear.” You blushed in embarrassment and looked away from him. When his fingers swiped through your folds, you jolted. He didn’t do much else other than keep his come from dripping onto the couch, but he quickly grabbed your shorts and put them back on. 

“Wait— Neil, I kind of need underwear.” He was undeterred and continued until they were around your hips, making you cringe at the feeling. 

“We’re gonna go home and you’re gonna stay covered in my fucking come until we get there and I can give you another load.” His voice was low and somehow still thick with arousal, making your stomach flutter. 

“Too much of a coward to do it before we get there?” You smirked, daring him. It’s dark out now and there are plenty of places you could stop on the short walk home. 

“That’s cute.” He deadpanned, making your smirk widen. “Stand up.” He put his length back in his pants and buckled his belt as you got to your feet. As soon as he was standing next to you, he grabbed the back of the jeans and pulled them up, making you let out an embarrassing yelp. Once a decent amount of your ass was hanging out of the bottom, he let go and put his shirt back on, leaving you in what you came in with so you couldn’t cover yourself. 

“After you.” He smirked, smacking your ass when you turned around to head for the door. 

Taglist (join here)

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#neil lewis smut #neil lewis x reader #neil lewis #watching the detectives #cillian murphy

[tremendum]

heaven is a place on earth ; joel miller

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au (pre-outbreak, altered ages), Joel Miller x fem!nanny!reader series. 

synopsis.

↬      it's 2000. you're freshly single, three weeks away from being evicted, and your coworker knows a hot, single dad who is hiring for a nanny. you'll take anything you can get.

tagged 18+ for eventual smut and mature themes. MDNI. check individual chapters for warnings.

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↬      prologue ; i'm a loser, baby!

↬      01 ; as long as you don't care

↬      02 ; coming soon.

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from the river to the sea, palestine will be free. this blog supports palestine - please DO NOT support neil druckmann - he is a zionist. do not purchase the remaster, tlou2/1, or any naughty dog games. stand with palestine, boycott, let palestinian voices be heard.

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#joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #joel miller series #joel tlou smut #joel x reader #joel smut #joel the last of us #joel tlou #joel miller #the last of us x reader #the last of us (tv)