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mypoisonedvine · 2 years

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𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 || billy knight x nurse!reader

𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 || during his time in hospital, billy couldn't help but fancy the sweet but headstrong american nurse taking care of him. it would've been harmless if it weren't for your own growing crush on your patient: the quiet, gentle man with those brown eyes that made your heart flutter when he looked at you like that.

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩 || 9.5k

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 || smut (18+ ONLY!!, male masturbation and brief oral m receiving), medical ethics violation so kinda dubious consent but trust me it is very much wanted, fluff, some angst, touchstarved billy, american reader, mentions/discussions of psychosis and other psychotic patients, brief mentions of SA, hopeless romantic billy, yeah just lots of sweetness with some filth in the middle

"It's important that you stay calm."

That was what made him look at you, scared and confused, before he seemed to finally notice the hand you'd laid on his shoulder to try to soothe him: that was always a risk, touching them without permission, but he'd woken up with a start and been so clearly upset and disoriented, you didn't know what else to do.

Thankfully, as he looked at your hand on him, he stilled, hesitantly leaning back onto the propped-up bed. The doctors thought it would be better for him if the bed was partially upright while he began to exit his coma, preventing too much blood pooling near the wound at his chest.

You took your hand away as he stilled, and he looked around the white-and-beige room. "Where am I?" he asked.

"Saint Anne's, South London," you answered. He raised an eyebrow at you and you figured why he asked.

"Did you think you'd somehow woken up in America? Because of my accent?" you snorted.

He blinked self-consciously; "Err— I guess not."

"You wouldn't be the first," you assured him.

"What's an American nurse doing in London anyway?" he wondered.

"Not much," you shrugged, "just healing the sick, feeding the hungry— generally being a saint."

He smirked a bit, and you smiled at him in return.

“I’ll be your day nurse while you’re here,” you explained, “so if you need something, you can press this button here— and it’ll be me that comes, most of the time, if I’m not too busy and have to send somebody else. Anything you need, I’ll do my best to help you, alright?”

A moment’s hesitation was followed by a nod, and he seemed too nervous to even look right at you— he would take these little glances over you, then up at your face, then back down to his bed again. He wiped his fist under his nose quickly.

“William, is it?”

“Erm, Billy,” he corrected. “Jus’ Billy.”

He cleared his throat dryly as his voice cracked, and you tilted your head. “Would you like some water?”

He nodded again, and thankfully you already had a cup of chilled water ready for him— the big kind with a handle and straw, and markings on the side so you could monitor how well he was hydrating. You picked it up and held it for him, guiding the bendy straw to his chapped lips so he could drink.

You knew already what kind of patient he’d be— the kind who didn’t like to ask you for anything, so you had to figure it out on your own. There were definitely more like that here than back in America where you’d first started nursing; patients in the States seemed to have a much easier time asking for what they needed. Here, there was usually some rigamarole to get them to admit they needed something— unless what they needed was painkillers, everyone’s pretty vocal about that.

“Is that better?” you asked quietly as you took the cup away, and Billy swallowed as he nodded. “I’ll set it here where you can reach it, just be careful with that IV,” you explained. “How’s your pain? Is your chest hurting you?”

“N-no, it’s fine,” he promised, “can’t feel a thing… I’m guessing that won’t last long, though.”

You nodded in agreement. “They’ve still got you on the good stuff. They’ll switch you to Tylenol by the end of the day,” you explained.

“Afraid I’ll become an addict?” he assumed.

“Not quite,” you chuckled, “afraid you’ll get too constipated— side effect of the morphine.”

Billy choked, face turning a little pinker. “O-oh.”

You only rolled your eyes in amusement as you turned around to fiddle with one of his monitors. Patients, and Brits, were pretty shy by your standards; you preferred to be brutally honest, because there isn’t much need for prudishness in a mental ward. “If your heart rate gets too high, or too low, it’ll page me,” you explained. “Anything else, press this button here and I’ll be on my way— got it?”

“Yeah,” Billy hummed, “thanks.”

“Oh, don’t thank me,” you dismissed, “it’s just my job, and I love it. I’ll be back to check on you later, but Nurse Tilly’s bringing you lunch at noon. You’re not vegetarian, are you?” He shook his head. “Great! Do you want the TV on? Oh, uh, the telly, I mean…”

He shook his head again, and you nodded, leaving the remote on his bedside table in case he changed his mind. You could feel his eyes on you as you left, somehow, and his image was still in your mind as you shut the door behind you. Even as you went about the rest of your shift, checking in on your old patients and meeting some new ones, Billy in room 3041 was in your thoughts.

You didn’t know too much about the circumstances that brought him to your hospital— no one did, because he’d refused to tell police or paramedics who stabbed him. His chart gave a colorful history— psychotic breaks, episodes of delusion and paranoia, on and off medication for years— but his behavior was so… gentle. And very few of the people you’d encountered in this line of work were dangerous, despite the harmful stereotypes; but Billy was even more delicate than the usual, even more reserved. Maybe he’d brighten up a bit when he wasn’t freshly awake from surgery.

Shaking the thoughts of him away and trying to focus on work, you figured it was just a little infatuation with a handsome patient— happens to everyone, right?

It had taken quite the effort to get the woman to sit down— she’d been pacing and chewing her nails, and you finally convinced her that it would be better if she was sitting, and she did. After dodging some questions and looking around at the space behind you as if something was there— which, yes, was kind of unsettling but something you got used to— she finally got on with it and told you why she’d come to the hospital.

"They've put wires in me," she whimpered.

"I've never heard of that happening before," you admitted. "I wasn't even sure if aliens are real…"

"They are," she insisted.

"And how do you know there are wires in you? Did you see them put in?" you asked. If she said yes, you'd know her hallucinations were severe, but she shook her head; you took a note of that on her chart.

"I can feel them," she replied instead. "I can feel the electricity. They're making me like— like an antenna. For their ships, y'see? And it hurts."

Your heart twisted. "That would be terrifying," you agreed, "and painful—"

"Please, someone's got to take their wires out," she begged.

"Hold on," you tried to soothe her, "I'll check for entry wounds first, okay? To see if I can tell where they've put them in."

She shakily nodded, looking down at the floor where her feet shuffled around on fleck-patterned tile.

You carefully lifted her hands to examine her fingertips and wrists. "I haven't seen anything yet," you offered her quietly.

"Th-they hide them," she explained, "so the doctors can't see."

"Tricky, those aliens," you frowned as you nodded thoughtfully. "They don't want you to get any help, do they?"

She shook her head.

"But we can help you," you promised. "If we can't find the wires this way, we should do a CAT scan."

"What's tha'?" she asked suspiciously.

"Just a bunch of X-rays taken all at once," you explained. "If there's anything metal in you, it'll right up. They are metal wires, right?"

She nodded, already seeming to soothe a little at the prospect of a surefire way to find the wires she was feeling inside her. It made you feel better, too, that you could help her somehow just by listening.

"I'll have the doctors give you a thorough scan," you nodded with a smile, "and we can see what we find, okay?"

It seemed like a great idea at the time. You started to question it now that it was a few hours later and Dr. Humphries was glaring down at you.

"You ordered a CAT scan for a woman with schizophrenic delusions?" he snapped, looking up from the chart and back at you with a red face and flared nostrils.

"Uh, well—" you started to defend yourself.

"She doesn't need an MRI, she needs to be fucking medicated!" the doctor spat at you.

Straightening your back, you frowned as you took offense to his tone. "You think I don't know that?" you returned with just as much intensity as he'd thrown at you. "She's not going to take any pills we give her if we don't take her seriously. A CAT scan will take a half hour and it might give her some peace of mind."

"Believe it or not, nurse, the purpose of that million dollar machine is not 'peace of mind'."

"Don't you mean million pound?" you rolled your eyes.

"No— you're such a dolt, I know if I'd said that you'd've asked how I knew what it weighed," he sneered, all too proud of his wit no matter how minimal it was.

From inside his room, Billy watched the argument unfold; he couldn't hear much, but he could see you crossing your arms and puffing your cheeks and getting right back in the face of the man in the white coat while he barked at you. Another nurse was tending to his linens, and she caught a judgemental glance of the spat outside before shaking her head.

"Quite American, isn't she?" the nurse scoffed. "Can't back down from a fight— or keep her mouth shut, ever."

Billy smiled a little.

"And she's got no clue how to make a cuppa, either," the nurse added, "can't even use a kettle. Not sure how she plans to find a husband if she can't figure that out!"

Billy felt his chest warm, and not in the painful way he was used to with his healing wound. He didn't think you'd have much trouble at all.

He could tell you were in a worse mood than usual when you came in— even though he could also tell you were trying to hide it. “How are you feeling today?” you asked him, a little exasperation tinting your tone.

“Better,” he nodded.

“Not too much pain? Any soreness?” you continued interviewing him, but his chest deflated a bit as he watched you go around the room without ever really looking at him— you were just going through the motions, he was just another patient.

“Are you alright?” he asked you, and it seemed to break you out of your trance. You looked at him, and you looked tired— not something he’d tell you, because it would sound like he was saying you looked bad, which you didn’t. You looked a little sad, really, in a breezy sort of way like you were trying to shake it off.

“Oh, I— I’m fine,” you promised.

"Is that doctor giving you trouble again?" he wondered. The question seemed to catch you off guard, before you glanced down shyly and then over your shoulder at the window into the hall.

"You saw that, huh?" you noticed.

"He seems like an arse," Billy decided.

"He's not so bad," you sighed, "he's really smart— problem is he knows it, and he thinks it makes him better than everyone. Thinks us nurses are basically just maids, too, or secretaries. I swear, if he walks into the break room one more time and asks where his tea is, I'm telling him it's in the fucking harbor."

Billy snorted at your comment, stammering through his next question. "Don't have anything against Brits, do you? 'Cause you picked a bad place to live."

You sighed, stopping your work for a moment. "Well… no, I don't. But I do have a bone to pick, I guess. I moved here for a guy— this amazing, too good to be true guy. Thought we were gonna get married and stuff. I only thought that 'cause he told me so! But he, uh… he had a few of us going, actually. I was the only one who moved this far to be with him. But after I found out, I didn't have anywhere to live, and I can barely make rent as it is so I can't afford a ticket home… so, yeah. Stranded across the pond. Because of some fucking guy."

Billy shrunk a bit inside as he looked at you— he could tell you were trying to be casual and silly about it, to hide how much you were still hurting. "We-we're not all like that," he blurted out, and you looked up. He felt even more stupid for saying it now that you were looking at him. "Englishmen," he clarified.

Your lips slowly curled into a smirk. "Not all juggling a half-dozen girlfriends at once?"

"Some of us are lucky to just get one!" Billy agreed, and you laughed. Your laugh was fucking angelic, he thought; it made him want to jump right out of this blasted bed and hug you, as bizarre as that would be. Ever since he saw you he imagined you'd be nice to hold, but every day it only got worse— and you were so pretty and sweet, you probably had every patient wrapped around your finger. You probably thought he was another dirty, sick stranger; you probably thought he was work. And he couldn't even blame you.

"I guess I'll have to give y'all another chance, then," you shrugged. Y'all. How quaint.

"You can probably get a lot of guys' attention with that accent," he suggested. And that arse. But he didn't say that.

"I don't really want a lot of guys' attention," you sighed. "Just the one."

"Which one?"

"The right one."

His heart hurt because he knew the feeling, the one he saw on your face, the one that made your eyes sparkle differently for a second.

"But I don't have much time for that anyways," you shifted topics quickly, "working all the time."

"Must be tough," he nodded.

"I like it, actually," you corrected, "I always keep busy. And the people here…certainly keep me busy."

He felt a little self-conscious when you said that. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"No, not you!" you clarified quickly, leaning closer and reaching out apologetically like you might touch him again. He wanted you to, so badly, but you didn't. "I mean the staff more than anything. The patients are what make me want to come back every day, even the tough ones."

"Am I one of those?" he wondered.

"No," you smiled. "Don't tell, but you're my favorite."

Oh, you shouldn't have said that— it only hurt him more because he wouldn't let himself believe it. "Bet you see crazies like me all the time," he shrugged dismissively.

"Crazies? Yeah," you laughed lightly. "But I've never met anyone like you."

His face flushed briefly and he looked down at his lap under the white woven blanket.

A page startled you out of the moment. "That's my cue," you hummed. "Ring if you need me, please."

He nodded and watched you dart away as quickly as you'd arrived, wishing he could keep you here forever but knowing it was better to let you help the others, too.

“Knock knock!” you greeted as you leaned into room 3282 to see the patient gathering her things. It had been a while since you saw her in street clothes— not since you’d admitted her and ordered that infamous CAT scan— and she looked so much better than she had then. Her hair was brushed and she was smiling at you, visibly less disoriented even when she was just standing beside the bed. “I’m glad I could catch you before you left— I came as soon as I heard you were discharged.”

“I feel like we’re sort of meeting for the first time, now,” she explained. “You saw me a few times the past couple days, but I wasn’t really myself…”

You nodded in understanding, and she bit her lip for a second; you could tell she was getting a little self-conscious remembering how dysregulated she was.

“It felt so real,” she breathed shakily. “I could feel them watching me…”

“I know,” you nodded. “That’s how powerful our minds are— everything we know comes from that squishy pink brain, so if it gets the wrong idea, it’s gonna convince you to believe just about anything.”

“You must think I’m an idiot,” she decided, “to ever believe that.”

“Not at all!” you promised. “Listen, Miss Dougherty— it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You came here for help, that’s what you should be proud of.”

She nodded, but didn’t seem to really believe you, looking down at the floor.

“Honestly, people believe all kinds of ridiculous bullshit,” you announced, and the crude language got her attention if nothing else. “Far, far too many people think that the Earth is flat, or that the polio vaccine could cause autism, or that immigrants are somehow both lazy and stealing jobs— or that you can look like Kim Kardashian with just some tea from the internet and portion control.”

She laughed a bit, and you laughed too, even though you were perfectly serious.

“At least we can give you medication for believing what you did! Those people just have to live with it, that’s the really sad thing. You take one of these with breakfast every day and you can be normal,” you explained as you pointed at the bottle in her hand, “they’re stuck with whatever they’ve got. You’re the lucky one.”

“Thank you,” she nodded. “I’ve been to hospitals before— but you really listened, even when I didn’t make any sense.”

“Hey, it made sense to me,” you shrugged, “I’d’ve been scared, too. Keep up with the prescription, okay? Don’t wanna have to see you here again— no offense.”

She laughed in agreement; “I will.”

He was halfway through watching something terribly mediocre on the telly when you came in; he jumped up to grab his fork and try to pretend that he’d been eating his dinner, but he started to frown shyly as soon as he caught your disapproving look. “Billy, you’ve barely eaten it,” you noticed; it was obvious, with three quarters of the chicken breast still on the plate and the green beans untouched. “Didn’t she bring that an hour ago?”

“Erm…”

“Is it the medication?” you asked, quieter, stepping further into the room. “It can suppress your appetite.”

“D-don’t make me change to something else,” he blurted out, “I like this one. I can actually think straight.”

You smiled patiently, and he couldn’t even look at you while you did it— you were so fucking pretty when you smiled like that, it hurt to look at it. “I won’t make you change medications just because you haven’t finished your chicken, Billy.”

“I was worried Dr. Humphries might—” he began, cutting himself off with a hum. “He said he was worried about me eating enough on this one, and that he’d change it if I lost any weight— b-but I like it…”

“We’ll just tell him you didn’t like the chicken,” you decided. “If I bring you an extra slice of cake, will you eat that?”

He had to fight his smile from getting too big. “I can try.”

“Easier to get down than dry chicken, that’s for sure,” you winked, putting the plastic cover back over his plate and grabbing the tray to set aside somewhere else. “What are you watching?”

“E-erm, some melodrama, I think. She’s been cheating on her husband with his evil twin,” he explained, just as the advertisement ended and an inquisitive musical sting indicated the show was back on.

“Don’t you hate when that happens, huh?” you offered sarcastically. Your eyes stayed on the screen as you sat down on the edge of the bed, right by his hip; his heart fluttered with you so close, the warmth of your body just one pesky bedsheet away. “Mind if I watch it with you for a minute?”

“N-no,” he assured, voice thin and wavering as he tried to act natural. “Stay as long as you like…”

Unfortunately, you were interrupted almost immediately as a male nurse swung the door open— Billy somehow felt like he’d been caught doing something bad, when he wasn’t really doing anything. The nurse said your name and you perked up. “Been looking all over for you,” the nurse said, with a tilted grin that seemed a little flirtatious— maybe any smile would seem flirtatious when you’ve got perfectly white and straight teeth like those, and sparkly blue eyes and perfectly quaffed hair— Jesus, was this guy a model or something?

Billy hated imagining you spending time with this guy, selfishly. “S-sorry,” you mumbled as you stood up, “I was just taking Mr. Knight’s dinner tray.”

“Tilly can do that,” the other nurse dismissed with a shrug.

“But she’s busy,” you noticed.

“Could you come out here?” the man asked you, and when you turned over your shoulder, Billy gave you a quick wave as his way of approving your departure. You smiled at him one more time as you followed your coworker into the hall, just outside Billy’s door.

“Listen, I’ve been meaning to talk to you…” he heard the man’s voice continue, right before the door shut all the way.

Billy furrowed his brow and turned the volume on the telly down, hoping to hear the conversation better. He could still barely make it out— and he was afraid if he muted the show, you’d notice.

“...since you came here, and actually, I was thinking—” he heard part of a sentence, but it sort of went in and out. He couldn’t tell anything else for sure until he heard your voice again.

“I prefer to keep my work and personal life separate,” he heard you say, distinctly, and he couldn’t decide how to feel— excited, that you seemed to be turning his guy down for a date? Or heartbroken that he would never have a shot with you because of this policy you held?

You never had a shot with her anyways, his inner voice told him. Well, at least Mister Handsome Nurse Man didn’t either. Misery loves company, or whatever.

It had been years since Billy felt something warm. He was all too familiar with his hand, rough and shaky— all too familiar with using his imagination to get himself off. Of course, back at his flat he had porn to ease the way, give him something to picture… here all he had was the telly in the corner and the unending thoughts of you you you.

Just the other day you'd leaned over his bed and he could smell your hair. He wanted to hold your head and bury his nose in it, breathe the sweet scent of you.

Once he caught a quick glimpse down your shirt before he looked away, out of nervousness as much as gentlemanly discretion. But he wasn't feeling so much a gentleman now, after waking up in the middle of the night from a dream of you in a more compromising position.

He'd never had an orgasm from a dream, only gotten hard and woken up unsatisfied. There was a monitor clipped to his finger on his hand— so he took it off and moved it to the other, so he wouldn't have to worry about it or the IV while he did this.

He already had to bite his lip just from slipping his hand into the hospital-issue pants, just from wrapping some weak fingers around his aching cock. He'd made a bad habit of wanking frequently at home— not much else to do when you're trapped and alone, and it was the only thing he liked doing just as much whether he was off his rocker, or semi-stable, or medicated. Thankfully, he wasn't on the kind of medications that removed his libido: that, or his fancying of you was just that powerful.

The room was incredibly dark with the shades shut, only half the lights in the hallway on, but even then he couldn't make out any light except for the dots where the strings ran through the blinds. He watched that window when his eyes were open, but sometimes he shut them— it didn't make much difference, either way all he saw was you.

As he jerked faster on his cock, letting his hand tighten occasionally, he pictured you climbing on the bed and straddling him, resting your hands on his chest (even though that would hurt). Remembering your hand on his shoulder when he first woke up made it easier to imagine, but he couldn't even conjure up how you would feel inside, how your body would take him— he just had to think about how it would look.

He grunted your name to himself, shutting his eyes tight, trying so hard to think of the way you'd moan as your hips rocked above his. He wanted to watch you as you picked up your pace, so desperate for pleasure that you couldn't slow down. You'd be such a wild thing, he decided, just as brash and shameless in bed as you are at work— if not more.

He would give anything to make you say his name in that exact way, that needy hungry way just like he mumbled your name now. His hips were starting to rock up off the bed, and he imagined his skin clapping with yours as you moaned louder and louder. As unrealistic as it was, he was imagining you showering him in praises, so good, Billy, you're so good, fuck! but he couldn't always get your accent right in his head. Please don't stop, god, just don't stop, need t'come—

"All yours," he answered you under his breath, "not gonna stop, feels so fucking good…"

And then he couldn't stop himself from imagining you admitting, in bed or otherwise, that you'd wanted this. That you had thought of him the same way— fuck, what if you touched yourself, too? That'd be too fucking rich. Billy wasn't really sure if girls did that— obviously they did in porn, sometimes, but he knew a lot of that wasn't real. He heard that most won't do anal, either, but that's different; touching yourself is more normal, more natural, and fuck how bloody natural you'd look on your back with your legs spread, rubbing your needy cunt, begging to be touched, desperate for a partner— for him, for Billy who could fill you so nicely and make you sound so pretty.

He was already so close, in part from having taken a few days off from this, mostly because the thought of you was making his cock fucking throb.

As he got closer and closer to the peak, his mind raced with images of you— but not in the poses of the girls in dirty magazines, not how he pictured you naked, no. It was different. The way you'd look in normal clothes, or dressed up for a date. How it would feel to watch you sleep next to him as the sun's coming up through your bedroom window. Not just his name on your lips in pleasure, but in casual conversation with others— my boyfriend, Billy— or in a cackling yelp as he made some joke you hated to laugh at, maybe while he tickled your ribs to see you smile— Billyyy, stop it!

Holding the back of your head while he kissed you, your little whimper as you tugged him closer because you needed more. Putting a necklace on for you, hopefully one he'd bought or made for you, and touching the back of your neck. Kissing you there— and everywhere— and hearing you hum with satisfaction. Don't do that, we don't have time before— oh god, Billy, we'll be late if you do that… hm, okay, just a quick shag before dinner. No wait— just a quick fuck before dinner— the American way.

The intimacy, which sex was only one of his favorite parts of, was what he was imagining. Cuddling up on the sofa, sharing popcorn at the cinema, cooking for you… that's what he was imagining as he realised he was going to come.

He panted and squinted his eyes shut as he fucked his hand faster and faster, heart pumping hard and fast as well, hand shaky but determined as he chased pleasure right around the corner—

The door swung open and you burst in in a flash, running to his bed, but you stopped dead in your tracks as he pulled himself off— well, not in that sense, like he had been a half-second ago— rather, pulled his hand away and pulled the blankets up, scandalised and stammering.

"Oh, fuck m'sorry— I—" he began.

"N-no, I'm sorry," you insisted, looking down awkwardly, "I thought— your monitor, it was— I thought you were having a fucking heart attack."

His baking-hot face turned down sheepishly, and he noticed the thin sheet and blanket did nothing to hide his unsatisfied erection, the fabric clinging to every contour so you could see basically the whole thing. He coughed and put his hands over himself atop the blankets.

"I should've knocked— but I was worried you needed immediate attention—" you explained hoarsely.

"I didn't know you were on tonight," he mumbled, like that mattered. Not as if he wanted any other nurse running in on this. But it was different, more shameful, knowing he'd just been getting off to the thought of you.

"Wasn't supposed to be, but someone asked me to— doesn't matter," you shook your head. "Sorry to burst in on you…"

"I wasn't…" he began, questioning if he should say it but going on anyways. "I wasn't doing… what you probably think I was."

"I-it's nothing I haven't seen before, Billy," you promised, seeming a little surprised, if not irritated, by his obvious lie. "You're a free man, got every right to take care of yourself—"

"Don't—" he pleaded, before he interrupted himself with a mumbled, "Jesus…"

"I'll go," you decided, "and leave you to it—"

"Christ!" Billy added, almost as if he were just now finishing the curse. "S'not like I could… do that now, is it?"

"Seems you've still got everything you need to do it," you smirked, and he choked.

"God, don't tease me, said m'sorry an' all," he pouted.

"Not teasing," you shrugged. "It's natural, everybody does it."

Even you? "Y-yeah, s'pose…"

"Not much else for you to do here anyway, stuck in bed… can't help if you get horny—"

"Not horny, okay?" he spat out suddenly, and defensively. "M'just— god. Just lonely."

He wouldn't normally admit something like that, but it was so late and his chest hurt in a sense totally unrelated to his wound.

When he heard the door shut, he worried you'd just up and left. How cold that would be, to leave him alone as he said how lonely he was.

He only knew you were still on this side of the door when you stepped up to his bedside again, your shoes clicking on the floor.

"You should go back to sleep," you noticed. Then why'd you shut the door?

"I— even if I take care of it, I don't think I can," he admitted. "Sometimes I have—"

"Nightmares," you finished. "It's in your chart."

"Please stay," he whispered. "It's easier with you here…"

"Sleeping, or…?"

"Sleeping! God, sleeping," he coughed. "I mean, both, but—"

"I can stay," you offered.

"That was the first good dream I've had in months," he told you, easier to confess these things in the dark. "The one that made me… like that."

"Very good dream," you agreed with a smirk.

His oxygen monitor beeped softly behind it all. "Y-yeah…" he mumbled. "It was— well, I bet you know it was you."

"Oh— how would I know that?" you sighed.

"Because you must have been able to tell I'm proper mad about you," he explained, "aside from just mad."

"I… I wondered if you were," you replied, softer. "I hoped you were."

Billy, unsure what to say, turned to look up at where he was sure your face was in the room— and he could barely see it, his eyes still readjusting from the door being opened. Your features were softened when they were lit up in light blue by the monitors behind him.

"I came in here to take care of you," you promised with a whisper. "It's my job. Just tell me what you need."

"I need— god, I can't say it," he whined.

"If you can't tell me, then show me."

Your hand rested for a second on his shoulder, and he couldn't stop himself from grabbing it. After debating it for a moment, he pushed the blanket and sheet down again, and sighed with a wide open mouth as he guided your hand to his throbbing cock. It bounced up into your fingers before he'd even finished putting it there, so needy for your attention, so greedy to be finished off after being brought up to the edge like that. Billy had never had the patience or fortitude to tease himself, the closest he'd ever come to edging having been those times he was on a certain type of meds and could jerk off all day and never come.

He had the exact opposite problem as he hesitantly let go of your hand and watched you do it yourself, slow and gentle brushes over him, almost reverent in the way you touched him where he needed you most. He almost didn't want to let go of your hand, he wanted to keep holding it just for holding it's sake, but he wanted you to act on your own: to not feel trapped or forced. You were so delicate about it— he was so worked up you absolutely didn't need to be that gentle, he probably would've still blown his load if you tried to tug the bloody thing off— and he could see in the dark how little sighs fell from your mouth as you stroked him.

"God, I'm not supposed to do this," you breathed. "S'it sensitive? Your heart rate's spiked again…"

"V-very," he murmured out. "God, you're— god."

"Fuck— I'm really not supposed to do this," you repeated again. "But I— I've been wanting to for a while… no one's gonna come in while I'm in here, but shit, if someone did…"

It would be a huge mess, for sure, but sort of hot. Even better if it was somehow another patient who thought they were the only one with affections for you. Even better if it was that nurse who was hitting on you. "Never— fuck— wanked a patient before, right?"

You laughed. "No, haven't given a hand job in years, actually— feels a bit high school, doesn't it?"

"Fuck, wouldn't know," he groaned. He meant it both as in 'you wouldn't know because you're so good at this' and 'I wouldn't know because nobody was wanking me in high school'. "Your hand f-feels good. I-I don't deserve this, I definitely don't deserve this— pretty sure I'm dreaming actually—"

"No, it's real," you promised, "I know it's real, 'cause in my dreams I've never got my work uniform on."

"Y-you don't have your work uniform on in my dreams, either," he joked.

How desperately he wanted to reach out and touch you with one of his hands— it didn't even need to be somewhere scandalous, though he wouldn't mind a chance to feel you up under your shirt. Even just to hold onto your hip, or even to hold your hand, would be so perfect right now. But he didn't want to take this too far and ruin it. It was already too good to be true.

"F-fuck," he sighed as your hand twisted gently when it reached the ridge of his head. He couldn't remember the last time anything felt this good, just being touched by you.

"Like this?" you asked in a meek voice— how precious, you asking him how he wanted you to wank him. Even just you asking made his toes curl under the blanket.

"Yes," he hissed, "l-like that… little slower, maybe?"

You followed his command, and his chest reverberated a groan. He liked it best like this, savouring every second— normally he'd just be beating himself off senselessly by now, desperate to come, chasing pleasure with reckless abandon. But this was so different, and he never wanted it to end, even if his balls were tight and aching with the need to release what he'd been holding in for much too long.

"I… I can't believe this is happening," he blurted out as he watched with better-adjusted eyes your movements in the dark. Your pretty, tender hand squeezing his swollen tip, giving his whole length nice, long strokes.

It was incredible enough, then you pulled your hand away— and he was about to whine pathetically, beg you not to stop, he even thrusted his hips up in the air in search of more— and spit in your palm quickly before getting back to it.

"Oh god," Billy moaned, his head falling back on his pillow as your hand smeared your saliva all along his hot skin. Your strokes were smoother now, and you could grip him tighter without tugging the skin the wrong way— and he couldn't stop fucking moaning, couldn't stop himself from trying to buck his hips up and fuck your hand. The sensation was incredible, but the raunchiness of it was what really did him in. Spitting in your hand so you could jerk him off better, really giving him the proper treatment; his whole body was sort of overheated and numb at the idea that you cared so much about doing this right. With a dry hand it felt more like you were doing him a favor, but after doing that he was sure you wanted this for your own reasons. He couldn't imagine what those would be, but he dared not question them.

"How's that feel?" you asked, almost clinical in your tone, the same way you'd asked when helping him stand up or after giving a fresh dose of painkillers. And yes, he had imagined something like this when you asked him that before, so good to know he was on the right track.

It was sort of silly that you asked when he couldn't stop moaning and writhing in the bed, but he nodded as he answered: "R-really fucking good. You're so good…"

He heard you hum a bit, a tiny pleased laugh, and he whined pathetically. You seemed to be revelling in how little you could do to him to make him so desperate.

"So good," he said again under his breath, cock pulsing in your grip. He was so close but he couldn't let it go yet, he couldn't finish now and just have you clean him up and go: he'd fight it off all night if it meant keeping you here, feeling you, being pleasured by you this way.

"I— I'll get fired if they catch me," you reminded him. "But I just— sorry, I've been wondering about your cock for a while."

Jesus, she keeps saying things like that and I'll lose it in a second.

"And it's bigger than I thought."

Jesus! He screwed his eyes shut tight in hopes of staving it off further— he didn't want this to end, you'd just barely started.

"I'm so fucked, fuck, might as well— oh god, you know the saying, right?" you prompted. "In for a penny—"

"In for a p— oh, fuck, fuck!"

You'd bent down and captured him in your mouth, still stroking at the base with your hand but bobbing your head on the rest.

"Baby," he whined, bucking up into that perfect wet heat encompassing him, "baby, I'll come, god, I'm so sorry— I'll fucking come—"

You hummed around him. You didn't even stop, didn't even flinch, as he began to spray his come on your tongue. He grabbed your head and tilted his own back with a loud moan— dangerously loud— as his whole body seized up for a second. Each wave of it seemed to hit harder than the last, especially when you sunk your lips down further and he could feel you swallowing it, god you were so sweet and you acted like a proper slut given the chance. He couldn't have made you more perfect if he built you himself.

"Oh, fuck," he sobbed, looking down at you in the dark again, petting your hair, keeping you there just a bit longer as he basked in the warmth of your mouth. Drool was sliding down his cock and balls in droplets, maybe some of it was his come you hadn't gotten down. "Fucking perfect," he blurted out.

He felt you smile slightly around him, before you carefully slid your mouth off of his cock and popped back upright again. "There you go," you said chipperly as if you'd just tied his shoes for him or something— not like you'd just given him his first non-self-induced orgasm in years and easily one of the best of his life, with only your hand and a couple seconds of a blow job.

"I— fuck," he choked, "you— thank you, I— oh my god… I'm sorry, I—"

"Sorry?" you repeated. "What for?"

"Just— dunno, m'sorry, if I made you think you had to do that…"

"Well I had to do something to get you back to sleep," you joked, making his face heat up even more. "Of course I didn't have to— actually, I think it might be, um, illegal, so… don't tell, I guess."

As if he could even imagine doing anything that would interfere with the chance it could happen again. He had no idea if it would happen again either way— but he didn't care, he was still riding the high from it happening at all. "I— I tried not to come that fast, but your mouth—" he began awkwardly.

"It's sexy," you promised. "It's cute."

He blinked bashfully, as if he had any right to be bashful now. "You're sexy," he returned, "really, really sexy, god. You know how many guys' fantasies you just fulfilled?"

"Not interested in many guys' fantasies," you quipped. "Just the one."

He beamed. "Which one?"

"C'mon, Billy, I just swallowed your jizz, don't be coy with me," you frowned.

"S-sorry…"

You leaned down and gave him a gentle peck on the cheek. "I've gotta get back to work—"

He grabbed your head and forced a kiss on your mouth, hungrily slipping his tongue between your lips and groaning as you relaxed your jaw to let him in.

He hadn't kissed like this in ages, either, and the last girl he'd managed to go home with after some pub crawling hadn't even kissed him at all; he groaned against your mouth as he moved his hands from your face to your neck, your waist, your back… anywhere he could reach, he wanted to touch you.

He got lost in it instantly, you had to push pretty hard on his shoulders to peel him off, and he cleared his throat nervously. "S-sorry," he said again, "I— I just had to kiss you, sorry."

"Even after that?" you chuckled.

"Especially after that."

"Even with the, you know, taste?"

"Oh," Billy smiled, "so that's what that funny flavour is…"

"You never tasted it before?" you realised.

"No," he frowned, "why would I?"

"I dunno— I've tasted mine," you shrugged.

"Oh— Christ," Billy choked. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to stop imagining you pulling two fingers out of your cunt after using them to make yourself come, bringing them to your slack lips and kitten-licking the cream off your hand…

"Really gotta get back to work now," you insisted, "try to get some rest—"

"Wait," he begged as he grabbed your wrist. "Stay a little longer— we can just talk, if you want— I should return the favour though, shouldn't I? Are you, erm… are you turned on at all after that? If you stay I can help you, too— you can get in the bed with me and I'll make love to you—"

You snorted out a laugh. "We don't have time for that, Billy, I've already been in here too long, there are other patients—"

"Don't go yet," he insisted again, squeezing your hand in his.

"What more do you need?" you asked, and the question made his heart jump.

"Just some time with you," he explained. "Just— was that— are we—?"

He stopped as you leaned in and kissed his face again— the side of his nose specifically— gently. "I'll check on you again in the morning before I go, okay?"

He pouted a little, reaching up to hold your shoulders for a second, before nodding and relaxing back into his bed.

You tucked him in carefully and encouraged him once more to get some rest. "I'll be back just before shift change at seven," you assured.

He fell asleep so quickly, so exhausted even when his mind was wired, that it only felt like a few moments before he woke up again with a jump as the door opened. He expected to see you come in, but he frowned at the back of Nurse Tilly, bringing the breakfast cart. "Good morning, Mister Knight!" she greeted, and he sighed as he glanced up at the clock: 8:30. He'd slept right through shift change.

"Morning," he greeted her flatly.

"I've got good news," the doctor smiled at Billy, tilting his head; somehow it almost seemed condescending. "You're cleared for discharge. You’ve healed well and you’re responding just how I’d hoped to the new medication.”

“But…” Billy started to protest.

“What’s the matter?” Dr. Humphries wondered.

“Could I stay longer?”

“Erm, well… it’s a hospital, not a hotel, Mister Knight,” he frowned. “What makes you want to stay?”

“I just— is my nurse here?” Billy asked instead.

“Which one?” the doctor asked before seeming to realise something. “The American?!”

“Err…”

Dr. Humphries scoffed quickly. “She’s just had a twenty four hour shift, she won’t be back until Thursday. You certainly can’t be here another two nights with no medical need for hospitalisation. I’m guessing you’d hoped to say goodbye?”

“Yeah,” Billy nodded.

“And you were hoping to ask her on a date as well, I presume?”

Billy choked, glancing self-consciously at the other nurses present— one of which was the handsome male one from before. That face had a sort of sneer on it— subtle, but noticeable— as if to say yeah, good luck with that, mate. “I— I just wanted to thank her,” Billy lied. He honestly hadn’t been sure if he’d ever get the courage to ask you out, but now he’d never know.

“I’ll pass along the message for you,” the doctor offered, though he didn’t sound too enthused about it.

Google, delete history, chew nails, repeat. illegal for a nurse to have sex with patient, can you lose your nursing licence for sexual contact at work, is masturbating a mental patient crime UK...

The search results were a mix of inconclusive and unencouraging. They kept talking about why you shouldn’t have sex with patients— as if you didn’t know— but rarely clarified the exact consequences of your exact situation. You didn’t know if the hand job counted as sex, anyways, or if it really mattered since you were both consenting adults of sound mind (well, some not quite as sound as others, but still), or if this rule really only applied to doctors who had a genuine power over patients in a way nurses didn’t exactly— they just gave more and more scoldings to anyone considering ‘beginning a relationship’ with a patient. They gave examples that were obviously violations— like a doctor who was tried for sexual assault after convincing a patient that an invasive physical exam was necessary when it was actually elective and not related to their condition, or a nurse who was fired after touching an unconscious patient, stuff like that. Billy had wanted you to touch him, that much you knew, he put your hand there himself; god, just the memory made you shiver, and you shook your head as you cleared your history again. There was no real chance anyone would see what you’d been searching up, but the shame that burned in your gut every time you saw your own history was worth avoiding.

The really concerning thing was how little, after all that Googling, you actually regretted it. Yes, you were fully aware at the time how risky it was, why it was a bad idea, what would happen if you were caught. But for all this searching up about nurses and patients, it didn’t feel like that at all… it just felt like two people with a basic human instinct surrounded by insanely complicated circumstances.

It wasn’t like you at all, either, and not just because you’d never made an advance on a patient before: that was obvious. You usually didn’t do that much even with your actual dates, even with guys you’d met under exactly the right conditions. Usually, a hand on yours guiding you there would make you shudder and jump away; usually, you wouldn’t even think to touch somebody like that on the first date. You hadn’t even gone on one date with Billy, though the amount of time you spent imagining it was almost like you were trying to delude yourself into thinking you had.

You’d been daydreaming more and more since you met him about that sort of thing, about what it would be like if you met in some random way after he was discharged from some other hospital, one of those cute ways like in the movies where he helps you get something from the top shelf at the grocery store or you find his lost dog or he just sees you on the street and has to tell you that he thinks you’re beautiful—

Groaning, you shut your laptop and stood up; you were gonna be late for work if you kept torturing yourself with these fantasies.

Oh god, I’m actually mental— more than usual, he realised as he stood there, holding the pathetic arrangement of cheap daisies; the plastic around them crinkled as he relaxed his grip slightly from the sadness sinking in his gut. She does me a favour, takes care of me for nearly a week and wanks me off once and I start stalking her— she’ll think I’m a creep.

He’d been waiting all morning by one of the entrances to the ward, hoping to catch you as you walked back in to work on Thursday, but as the hours passed he became more aware of how disturbing his behaviour really was. You probably knew you wouldn’t see him again when you did that, that was probably why you did it— so you wouldn’t have to worry about exactly this happening, about him wanting more from you. Hadn’t he taken enough?

Slumping his shoulders, he stood up from the bench and contemplated what to do with the flowers. He was about to toss them away when he saw someone exit the building, an older woman, crying into a handkerchief as she talked on the phone. “He’s gone,” she informed whoever was on the other end of the line. “They just told me— he went this morning.”

“Ma’am?” he asked her, not quite getting her attention at first. He stuck the flowers out towards her and she looked at him with a hint of confusion. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“O-oh… thank you…” she breathed, and he nodded at her as he turned and stuffed his hands in his pockets on his way towards the car park. “Y-yes, sorry, someone just gave me flowers…” she continued as she talked on the phone, harder to hear as he walked away, “no, I don’t know him— some man outside the hospital— they’re daisies…”

He smiled a little to himself as he hopped across the street, jaywalking in a break between cars zipping by. He’d nearly turned the corner when he heard your voice.

“Billy?” you noticed him, smiling wide as he turned to look at you, standing on the street— walking to work, apparently. You were wearing your uniform already, and he’d almost missed it, even with how much he’d been dreaming about seeing you any other way.

“O-oh, erm, hi,” he stammered, wondering if he should pretend it was a coincidence he ran into you.

“You’re… you’ve got jeans on!” you noticed, and he looked down at his outfit— just the aforementioned jeans and an old t-shirt, with his hoodie on top for the chilly weather.

“Not much of an improvement from what you’re used to,” he mumbled nervously, rocking back on his heels.

“No, you look good,” you insisted. “H-healthy, I mean— maybe I shouldn’t have said that, it could sound… forward.”

“Forward?” he repeated.

“Well, I was hoping to talk to you today,” you admitted, chewing the inside of your cheek. Oh god, I’ve heard this talk before— ‘I like to keep my work and personal life separate’. “I wanted to apologize.”

“Eh?”

“I shouldn’t— we can’t— I’m sorry,” you started over a few times, “if I exploited any… dynamic, that we had. I don’t want you to think that because I’m your nurse, you couldn’t say— that you can’t say ‘no’ to me.”

“You’re not my nurse anymore,” he noticed, “I’m not a patient— I’m…”

He wanted to say it quickly, before he lost the courage, but with you staring at him expectantly he couldn’t keep his thoughts in order and he sort of just spit it out all at once.

“I’mjustsomeblokewhocan’tstopthinkingaboutyou,” he rushed.

“Huh?” you frowned, understandably unable to parse what he’d said.

“Oh, Christ,” he groaned, “doesn’t matter— y’don’t need to apologise, i-if anything I was gonna thank you again.”

“Well, you don’t need to do that, either,” you mumbled quietly, a shy smile crossing your face. “We’ll call it even. You got a happy ending and I get to keep my job.”

“Not quite even,” he recalled, face getting warm as he pictured exactly what he’d have to do to make what happened that night completely fair. “I want something else.”

“Oh…?” you wondered, tilting your head.

“Your number, maybe?” he finally asked, heart pumping dangerously fast, and you smiled.

“Okay,” you agreed.

“A-and I could call you sometime.”

“Okay,” you repeated.

“And ask you to dinner.”

You smiled wider. “Okay.”

“O-or I could just ask you now…”

“Okay,” you laughed.

“But maybe I should wait!” he decided suddenly. “Maybe it’s better to do it later— I don’t know, I don’t do this very often…”

“I noticed,” you smirked, and he blinked at you shyly.

“I-I’m not totally helpless, y’know, I got you flowers,” he informed you proudly.

“You did? Where are they?” you asked.

“E-erm, over there,” he pointed across the street, and you raised an eyebrow in confusion. “I’ll get you different ones, better ones—”

“I don’t want flowers, Billy,” you replied, “I just want you to come pick me up when I get off today— my shift’s over at—”

“I know,” he interrupted with a beaming smile, “I’ll meet you by that door and we can go somewhere nice.”

“How about your flat?” you recommended.

“W-well… it’s not very nice…” he admitted, biting his lip as you stepped closer.

“I bet I’ll like it,” you purred, and he couldn’t resist the urge again— he grabbed your face and kissed you, way too needy and passionate for the seemingly-mundane situation here on the street by the hospital. But you hummed into it and kissed him back; he knew he couldn’t blame that first kiss on it being the middle of the night anymore, being all sleep-deprived and desperate, because he felt the exact same way at eight in the morning on a Thursday in the middle of the pavement.

Again, you had to push him back gently to cue him to stop, and he looked at you as your eyes fluttered open and your bitten lips smiled at him.

“Not gonna run me late to work, are you?” you challenged.

“No,” he promised, “I-I really want to, but no.”

“That’s a shame,” you jokingly pouted as you lowered yourself from your tiptoes and started to cross the street. “See you tonight!” you called as you went on your way, and he wanted to say something back— something smooth, but anything would do, really— but he just got mesmerised watching you go, knowing the next time he saw you would be for a date.

He could hardly believe it was real, that he’d gotten this lucky, but he decided not to question that anymore and just accept whatever gift from the universe this was supposed to be. He was almost tempted to just stand outside and wait for you for your entire shift, but he decided instead that he could at least go and pick out some new flowers for you, despite what you’d said about not wanting them… better safe than sorry.

#billy knight x reader #joseph quinn x reader #billy knight smut #billy knight strike

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floatyflowers · 2 years

Text

The Adopted Princess| Dark! Targaryen and Velaryon Boys x Reader (Aegon II, Aemond, Jacaerys, Lucerys) Part IV

Part III

You stand in between your father and Aegon, feeling sad as they throw Laena's body into the sea.

Yes, you never met the woman but it saddened you to see her family's state, especially her daughters'.

On the other hand, Aegon tries to sneakily touch your hand, but you slap it away without anyone seeing anything.

Well, Alicent did notice the interaction and is staring at you...but not with hate, more like a stare filled with sorrow as if she remembered something.

Or someone.

Alicent tried to speak with you once by sending someone to bring you to her chambers, but Rhaenyra didn't allow you to go and said you were sick.

It always feels like your mother and the queen are hiding something from you.

You grab into the necklace Aemond gave to you, playing with it nervously, wanting all of that to end quickly, just to get away from the unempathetic Aegon.

Daemon looks at your mother and two younger brothers then at you, his eyes linger on you before he chuckles.

You frown in confusion at this strange behavior, not understanding what is funny at his wife's funeral.

But you know why he is chuckling, it must be because Jacaerys and Lucerys don't look anything like their father, Laenor.

You honestly, don't like the man, you have heard rumors about him, one of which is that he killed his first wife.

Daemon stares at you once again, but this time you can't read what is written on his face.

It seems like everyone considers his staring normal except for you as if they know something you don't know about at all.

꧁𑁍꧂

"You seem sad"

Aemond says, standing beside you after finishing his conversation with his brother

"That's because I wonder if I'm to meet the same fate as her one day, dying at childbirth is very common nowadays" you admit, playing once again with your necklace in nervousness.

This is surely a strange habit for the Targaryen prince to see.

His mother would scratch her fingers until they bleed if she is faced with pressure and worry.

"Don't worry, I'm sure you are strong enough for this duty" you smile slightly at his words.

"Children are not just for duty, Aemond, they are meant to be cared for and loved" you assert your point of view.

"Adding to that, I feel sorry for Helaena for ending up with Aegon"

He only smiles at you, ready to speak once again, but stops once he sees Daemon signing for you to come over to him.

You also seem to notice this gesture which made you surprised.

"Is he signing to me?" You question, wanting to be sure just not to embarrass yourself.

"I believe so" Aemond replies.

"I will see what he wants, speak to you later, my prince"

With that, you walk toward Daemon, feeling nervous with each step you take toward him.

"Y-you wanted to speak with me?"

Those are the words you stutter out, the moment you reach him.

"The last time I saw you, you were just a baby held by my son, you also have his eyes"

Now, you are perplexed by the older man's words, not understanding what he is trying to imply.

"Your son? you have a son-"

"I had a son, Rhaeger was his name, him, Rhaenyra, and Alicunt were friends "

You ignore the horrid nickname he gave to the queen as you finally come to realize what he is trying to say to you, that you are his granddaughter.

That's why your mother adopted you, not because she didn't have the heart to see you hurt and alone.

But, because you are her friend's daughter.

"What about my real mother, is she alive?"

"Your mother was from house Dayne, she died giving birth to you"

You gulp, trying to process the new information in your head.

The dragon egg only hatched due to the fact that you are Targaryen.

You are a Targaryen and your adoptive mother kept this fact hidden from you for some unknown reason.

Your red eyes look around the place to not meet that of Daemon's, but meet the worried ones of Rhaenyra.

"I thought you only had two wives" you mumble, returning your gaze to him.

"I married the first time when I was young, she was also a Tully"

Silence follows afterward, however, it doesn't last for long.

You walk away from the rough prince without saying anything to him.

Nevertheless, you catch a strange sight at the end of one of the stairs.

It was Aegon and Lord Hightower, it seems like the Targaryen prince has fallen drunk.

You were about to walk away until you see Otto hit his grandson with his foot angrily.

Aegon has always told you about his grandfather's bad treatment toward him, but seeing it now with your own eyes, made your blood boil.

Forgetting Aegon's misbehavior towards you, you quickly and without thinking, you descend the stair until you reach them.

"What do you think you are doing, Lord Hightower" you spat out, glaring at the said man.

The hand of the king looks back at you.

"The prince seems to have a little too much wine" you raise an eyebrow at him.

"Does this give you the right to hit him?"

Otto narrows his eyes at you.

"I-" you cut him off.

"If you don't want to lose your position again, I would suggest you start treating the prince with respect"

Otto quickly takes his leave after you threaten him, leaving you alone with Aegon.

If people see you with Aegon, rumors would spread about you, yet, you don't care.

"(Y/n), you are here, my beloved (Y/n)" Aegon speaks in a drunk tone while you help him up.

"Let's get you sober, Aegon"

꧁𑁍꧂

You can't believe that you allowed things to escalate so quickly, you were supposed to protect Jacaerys and Lucerys.

Baela, Rhaena, Jacaerys, and Lucerys all got in a fight with Aemond for him claiming Vhagar as his own.

You tried to stop what was going on, but Aemond hit you accidentally with a rock when he was trying to aim at Jace instead.

Which caused Luke to slash him across the face causing him to lose an eye.

And to make matters worst, Viserys thought it would be a good idea to engage you to Aemond to lessen the heat between the greens and blacks.

And You were to return with them to king's landing, so when the time comes you and Aemond would marry each other

That's all after it's revealed who your real father is.

You felt like you are being held hostage.

Aemond was happy, he felt like it was fair to lose an eye just to get a strong dragon and marry you.

And your mother was not allowed to object, even Daemon who was angry about the proposal wasn't allowed to state his opinion.

Surprisingly, Alicent didn't say anything about the matter as if she didn't mind.

Right now, you are standing in front of Rhaenyra, while she looks at you with sadness in her eyes.

"Why didn't you say anything about my father?"

Your mother grabs your hands into her, to comfort you with her upcoming words.

"Your father is the one who requested that, he didn't want Daemon to raise you"

Her hands lay on your cheeks, looking straight into your soul.

"You are my daughter no matter what, (Y/n)"

A/n:Why do you think Alicent didn't object to the idea of Aemond being engaged to you? I would love to hear your opinion.

Part V

Taglist:

@lazystrawberrypenguin @aims02@ietss @hamaeditzs @nebulaemo @pentaknati@katipie67@thatsusbitch@moonchild-cupcake @badwicht @keepingupwiththesile @siriusblaclrunmeover17@akinatrix @littlekoumiss @watermelonsugarsigh @crazylokonugget @babyblue-chaos

#tw: toxic relationships #house of the dragon #aemond targaryen x reader #yandere house of the dragon #aegon ii targaryen x reader #jacaerys velaryon x reader #lucerys velaryon x reader

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jqhotchner · 4 months

Text

quest

nine

tik tok tik tok

the clock was definitely mocking you. waiting patiently for aaron to arrived while you sat across from the woman that was about to listen to you about your marriage, divorce, family, and more.

she just smiles at you. soon enough you sigh in relief when aaron walks into the room.

you clears his throat as he sits right beside you. “sorry im late.”

“that’s okay. shall we get started?”

aaron hums. “what brings you two in today?

the two of you look at one another. aaron was the first one to speak. telling the doctor your story. it made you uneasy when she just nods and writes down the information.

“how does that make you feel mister hotchner? finding out you have three other children that you didn’t know about?”

“in the beginning i was livid. knowing that she took two years away from knowing my children. our children! it made me angry. but i realized i was just angry at myself. i did this to us. i ruined that relationship.”

“how do you feel yn?”

“i feel guilty. maybe if i just—maybe if i just stayed and listen to reason none of anything would have happened. i blame everything that happened in the last two years on myself. maybe then he wouldn’t have died.”

your biological father. aaron didn’t know you felt this way. you took all that blame. all that heartbreak that should have fallen on your dad. it wasn’t your fault. he needed you to know that this wasn’t your fault.

“darling, this isn’t your fault. none of this is on you. im sorry if i have ever made you feel like this was on you.”

“but you haven’t.”

“but i have though. ive been so short with you since you’ve been home. im not use to talking about how i feel.”

“why is that aaron?”

aaron turns to look at the doctor. he sighs. rubbing his hands onto his face.

“i would say it’s my job. that with what i do we always have to stay alert and keep how we personally feel aside. that may be the case but i think it’s deeper than that.”

“what do you mean?”

“growing up, my father, he wasn’t exactly a nice man. he would come home after working a case and he’d shut us down. verbally abusing us until we felt small and weak. he would call us that too if i recall. my mother was never really around. she didn’t really want children. my father was a traditional man though. marriage, kids, you name it. the physical abuse didn’t happen until he was sick. cancer. my mom would come back home just to take care of him. i assumed he felt emasculated. having his wife take care of him because he was getting weak by the day. so he took his anger out on sean and i. i took the most of it. not wanting my brother to suffer like that. if i showed any sighs of weakness while he hit me it’ll just make him angrier and hit harder. over time i became emotionless to his rage. that angered him ever more. over time he—he was too weak to hurt a fly. my mother continued to take care of him while i took care of my brother. over time my father died. we didn’t even have a proper funeral. just buried him next to my grandfather who beat him before because despite everything, that’s what he wanted. he still loved him. and in a way, i still loved my father. he was still my dad despite everything. but i showed no emotions. it’s not what he would have wanted. my brother on the other hand cried.”

“what about your mother?”

aaron scoffs. “she fell out of love with him the moment she married him. my father was known for cheating on my mom. she didn’t care much. she was different from my father. she grew up wealthy. only marrying my father because she got pregnant with me. her father forced them into marriage so she wouldn’t be labeled as the town whore and ruin their reputation. my father worked hard for his money. growing up lower middle class he had to. in a way my relationship with my mom was far worse than my father. at least my father showed some kind of affection. my mom was emotionless. only caring about her reputation and how she was perceived. i believe that’s why she took care of my father in the first place. instead of hiring someone to do it. so she could brag to her posh friends about how much of a great wife and mother she was.”

“is she still living today?”

aaron hums. “haven’t spoken to her since she met my late wife, haley. she didn’t like haley. never wanted me to marry her.”

“why’s that?”

“because—because she wasn’t as wealthy as us. she was middle class, haley. because of that my mother didn’t find her worthy. she didn’t want me to have a loveless marriage like hers. her words exactly. she doesn’t know a thing about my life. she doesn’t know about jack, haley’s passing, me getting remarried. nothing!”

“do you think she’d like yn?”

aaron avoid your eyes. he wanted to avoid the question altogether. he knew she wouldn’t. the why is what pissed him off and made him feel ashamed.

“aaron?”

he clears his throat. “no.”

“and why not?”

“because—my mom wasn’t racist. not in the sense you would think. she never called anyone who was of color a slur. but she was raised to believe that you should marry your own kind of people. that mixing up your ‘values’ with others would only confuse your children in the end.”

you had no idea aarons mother was that way. only knowing the details he explained about his father. he never talked about his mom. now you understand why.

“aaron, i had no idea. why didn’t you tell me?”

“because i felt ashamed. ashamed of having her as a mother.”

“you shouldn’t feel that way though aaron. she doesn’t speak for you or for our kids.”

aaron holds your hand.

“listening to you both and hearing your family history, i think it’s safe to say that you, yn, you have a hard time listening to others. you’re so afraid to find out the truth because it could potentially hurt you. it’s why you stopped talking to your siblings in the end. you knew they knew something about your father. it’s why you ran when your biological father told you the truth. and it’s why you left aaron. you were afraid if he came home that night and you pressed him on the issue he would admit his feelings for his ex wife and leave you. it’s why you left first. you didn’t wanna face the reality that the one good thing in your life for the longest time would end.”

you look at aaron. knowing what she was saying was absolutely true.

“and you aaron, you’re afraid of being yourself. showing any emotion is a sign of weakness all because of your father. you also don’t wanna end up like him. to raise your kids that way. it’s why you most likely teach them it’s okay to express themselves. showing them that having emotions and feelings is part of being human. you have this fear that your marriage could fail again and maybe your mother was right. maybe mixing classes and culture could ruin a marriage. but it makes you feel guilty. one of the reasons why you pushed your first marriage away and tried to push your second marriage away.”

aaron grabs your hand. he gently rubs it. feeling all kinds of guilt with what the doctor states.

“but neither of you are seeing the reality of it all. you both willingly came to therapy because you want to fix this marriage. you want this to work out. not only for the kids. but also for yourselves. i noticed that the moment the both of you spoke. have you ever stopped to notice you’re both still wearing your wedding bands? and you still call each other husband and wife, despite being divorced for the last few years? it’s because a piece of paper doesn’t determine your love for one another. you two are still married and have been even with the separation.”

the two of you look at one another lovingly. you loved each other. despite the past, the despite your childhood, despite the divorce, the drama! you loved him and he loved you.

i changed the story title and also made a playlist! each part will have a new song added to it. it will be titled the same as the song

anyway there is a tiny bit of a foreshadowing here so 👀

hoped you enjoyed

if you wanna be added or unadded to the taglist please let me know

taglist:

@ivebeenthearchersstuff @shergoretzxx @slut4ethan @rosiehale23 @madesavage05 @whotfskai @vodkori @zaddyhotch @14buddy22

#aaron hotchner x black!reader #aaron hotch fic #criminal minds #aaron hotch fanfiction #aaron hotch imagine #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner x female reader #hotch #hotch x you #hotchner x reader

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cultofdixon · 11 months

Text

Please, don’t leave

Daryl Dixon • She/Her Pronouns • Falling in love has its moments. With you and the youngest Dixon? Neither of you knew the other’s feelings. Life started to block that out…until the outbreak shook everyone still standing. Then as the gates opened, there you stood. • ANGST/SFW • TW: Anxiety Attacks / Past Abuse / Injuries / Scars / Canon Violence / Messy confessions • Flashbacks

Requested by: @ravenrose18

Once Y/N had finished barricading the door, she dropped her pack up against it before finally relaxing after running from a few mercenaries—at least that what she thought they were, and an approaching herd. Hence the barricading of the house she’s held up in until it passes.

She tiredly threw herself onto the couch in the room she was in, finding herself staring at the ceiling for an unknown period of time. Her exhaustion was starting to get to her the longer she laid there.

“Remember runnin’ from my old man?”

“How could I forget?” Y/N laughs bringing an arm behind her head for support. “Running from your dad was easier compared to mine. He didn’t like you”

“Mm. Yeah but at least I didn’t break your cheekbone before prom night” the youngest Dixon sat himself up against the couch fiddling with what looked to be a piece of tied string but it was a friendship bracelet he refused to wear. “Yea think you’ll make it out of here?”

“I’m still looking for you aren’t I?”

“Wouldn’t have to be looking if you didn’t run away in the first place” His words hurt, even if they were hers as she slowly fades into unconsciousness. “I’m still out there, bunny”

“You’re still out there…”

The youngest Dixon, Daryl Dixon, had one best friend in the world. Y/F/N Y/L/N. As sad as it was, you shared a lot in common with the whole abusive parent(s) making your life a living hell. But you had each other. It made life worth living having someone who understand and a gateway from the harsh reality.

But one night, Y/N ran away. From all of it. Leaving Daryl alone in the world to end up helping his brother with his illegal nonsense up until the outbreak happened. When he lost him too, he thought this was it for him.

Especially when his own arrow impaled him and the blood loss was too much.

Daryl did his best to keep awake, even if the world was sort of spinning due to the blood loss. He laid back for a moment, just a moment.

“You seem to be in a bit of a pickle, baby brother” Merle laughs kneeling to his side and resting his head in his hands. “Is this for Y/N? Searching for her again like you did countless times before we got stuck with this group”

“We…weren’t stuck with this group…they’re good people”

“That’s good. You deserve good people”

Daryl turns to the opposite side of his brother finding Y/N looking at him with that beautiful smile of hers.

“I came out here…for Carol’s daughter. She’s lost…and I can’t find her”

“She’s somewhere, D” Y/N reassures, at least what he needs to hear. “You’ll find her. And me”

“Why’d you leave” Daryl sobbed laying back into the dirt. “Why’d you leave me all those years ago…”

“Oh Daryl…” Y/N frowns bringing herself close to Daryl resting her hand on his chest. “You’re only going to hear what you want to hear…which will only be a possibility”

“Please don’t die…” He sobbed and next thing he knew, he was fighting off a walker.

The hours turned into days as Y/N didn’t know she was moved from her spot. Surprised she was even found. But when a certain someone who’s known to get in and out of places without a trace comes through the neighborhood in search for items, he managed to get into the house she barricaded herself in.

Next thing Y/N knew, she was waking in an unknown location without most of her clothes and an IV in her arm. Which only made her panic and rip the thing out. Because it’s the apocalypse, she hasn’t ran into those bastards yet. But she can believe that there are some sick fucks experimenting on healthy individuals with the undead walking around.

It didn’t click to Y/N that she wasn’t wearing pants and a shirt when she ripped the IV out and sprung up out of bed because again, she thought she was being experimented on. Being a horror fanatic in the old world sucks now. So when she stumbled out of the building…or trailer she was in. The community outside in that moment stared at her in her underwear and tank top which lead to her realization and quickly stumbling back into the trailer.

“Where the fuck am I” Y/N frowns pressing her back against the door before spotting a pile of neatly folded clothes on a chair. Something better not burst out of my chest (Alien) She thought as she approaches the clothes finding a note along with the pile but she ignored it to get re-dressed. Or a fucking little reptile jumping me and eating me alive (Jurassic Park) She groans realizing her arm was bleeding from her stupidity ripping the IV out and took note that she was in the medical trailer.

Once Y/N patched her arm up, she finally read the note that instructed her to go to the only actual house in the community to talk with whoever saved her…and more.

“Ah! You’re awake” The unfamiliar man rose to his feet approaching Y/N when she entered the Barrington House. “I should probably explain how you got here”

“If I had my knife I’d threaten it on yea to tell me that information. But I honestly just wanna know where the fuck it is” Y/N frowns as the man quickly drew himself back to the couch he was sitting on and picking up her belongings handing it all to her. “Okay…maybe I won’t threaten you for how nice you’re being. But I have questions”

“Okay, I’m here to answer them”

“Your name?”

“Paul Rovia, but everyone here calls me Jesus” Jesus smiles sitting on the arm rest of the couch watching Y/N hug her backpack. “Uhm. Yours?”

“Y/N. Just Y/N…uh. How did you find me?”

“My group and I were on a run to look for medicines and frankly anything that could help us. We have a garden going on but you can’t speed the growth to those things so yknow. Scavenging. But I went to this one house that was barricaded. Only the front door was so I found my way in and saw you lying unconsciously. You looked like you were in poor condition and we have a doctor here.” Jesus explained watching her tense shoulders relax. “Yeah he’s an OBGYN but yknow you have to go through—-“

“Residency so you explore your options before picking a specialty.”

“Well we are certainly benefitting by your presence if you are also a doctor”

“I dropped out of med school, but I know enough” Y/N shrugs. “And what makes you think I want to stay here…I…I’m kind of looking for someone” she frowns realizing how impossible that’s going to become as she makes her way to sit on the single loveseat diagonal from Jesus.

Jesus noticed the change in emotion as he thought of something that could lighten her mood. “How about we make a deal? You help out with the community, and you can come on runs with me. During those moments we can look for whoever it is that you’re looking for”

“It’s gonna be hard”

“How so?”

“He knows how to be untraceable. He’s a hunter”

“Your husband?”

I wish

________

“Why are you giving me this?” Y/N laughs a bit confused and not entirely surprised that her best friend gave her a survival multi-tool with the signature piece being the knife.

“Self defense from that bastard of a father you’ve got” Daryl scoffs taking a hit from the blunt they were sharing, as he kicked his feet at the end of the dock.

“I will keep this in mind when he hits me next…but I know I can’t win those fights”

“Well yknow to run away to the lake house if yea need me” He nudges her gently, handing the blunt to her as she took the offering then a hit after.

________

“Is he alright?”

“Just adjusting to the new people. He said he needed a minute alone” Carol tells Rick as the two were watching the archer sit in the middle of the field looking up at the stars. “I’ll check on him in a bit”

“Alright…I’m gonna turn in, keep me posted” the retired sheriff squeezes her shoulder on his way into the prison leaving her to continue watching her best friend sit alone.

Daryl frowns thinking about how she could be out there…scared and alone for all he knows. His anxiety started to eat at him while he unconsciously tugs at the bracelet he was wearing.

“Merle’s gone…you can’t be gone too”

“Who can’t be gone?”

Half expecting Carol, but was met with Carl and his curious self. Daryl shook his head ignoring the young Grimes as he plopped himself down beside him.

“How’d yea go unnoticed by Carol?”

“Oh. So you know she’s stalking you?”

“Wouldn’t call it stalkin’. She’s worried about me, I know that much”

“What exactly does she have to be worried about?” Carl asks, even more curious as he sits beside Daryl at a respectable distance. Eventually looking up at the stars and finding how calm it is.

“Promise yea won’t say anything” Daryl asks listening to the quiet yes from Carl before getting into it. “I wanna leave. Not forever. But just until I find someone”

“You lost someone out there?” Carl frowns looking at his friend watching him nod. “But what’s the issue? Knowing you it wouldn’t be that hard”

“The thing is kid? I’ve been looking for years. Way before the outbreak” Daryl frowns continuing to tug at the bracelet. “So it wouldn’t be smart to just. Wander aimlessly in a walker infested world.”

“…You think that this person is looking at the same stars we are? I can find comfort in that”

“Sometimes, yer smarter than yer old man.” Daryl laughs slightly, laying back down in the grass staring up at the stars.

“How’d you get up here?”

Y/N turns to Jesus as he found her on top of the trailer she’s currently living in. She smiles with a small laugh as she returns to looking at the stars.

“I’m not revealing my secrets”

“Well guess I ain’t sharing either cuz I think I know. Given I got up here” He laughs bringing himself to sit beside her staring up at the stars. “You thinking about that special someone?”

“Yeah. Hopefully he’s looking at the same set of stars as I am”

“Cheesy. But I like it” Jesus smiles laying back to look at the stars a bit better. “You know. Ever since you came here, you’ve been a big help with thriving the community. Maybe when this other half of yours comes by, he’s willing to also help”

“Maybe” Y/N smiles continuing to look at the stars, watching Jesus point out a shooting star.

“I bet I can guess yours and this guy’s wish”

I wish to see her again

I wish to see him again

________

As Daryl drives his truck into Y/N’s neighborhood, half expecting no activity at the hour he came by in. The other half expecting Y/N to be waiting for him on the curb. But once he turned into the cul-de-sac he was met with police sirens in front of her home. He decided to pretend he was just somebody using the road to turn around in but as he got slightly closer he noticed her mother sobbing and her father yelling at the cops they were talking to.

Even if they were abusive to the only person he cared about on the planet, Daryl couldn’t help but feel for them and realize.

Y/N chose one of her nuclear options.

It didn’t take him long to get to the lake house they would sneak off to to escape the world. Given he didn’t care for traffic laws. She didn’t have a car so that couldn’t give her away, the hue of little light they’d have from lanterns wasn’t noticeable, and honestly every sign he tried to come up with that would tell him she was there—-weren’t there.

“Y/N!” Daryl yells upon entering the place as he immediately went to the living room, then the outdoor porch, and even ran to the end of the dock. Not like it wasn’t obvious when someone would be there, but he went down the mental list of where the two hang out most.

Upon re-entering, Daryl finally noticed the little light coming from a small lantern in the kitchen. He quietly approaches it and the moment felt staged. The light hit a note written to the youngest Dixon as it was accompanied with one of those string friendship bracelets that he told Y/N a number of times that he would never wear it. But he ignored that for the time being and read the note.

I’m tired, D. I couldn’t take it anymore and I had to leave.

I love you and I’m sorry

Y/N

The tears came on strong, burning his eyes, and making him want to rub at his eyes until they stopped. But they never did.

She’s gone

________

Gone forever…huh

Jesus, of course, gets himself into trouble and especially with the main group that aren’t going to trust someone easily anymore. But with the promise of going to his community, came a road block of a few of his own getting into an accident.

“If this is another trick, hear for my whistle. And then shoot him” Rick tells Maggie watching her nod before entering the building first as the rest follow.

Leaving the two alone for a moment.

“I didn’t mean to get in trouble with your leader. My community just. Our leader got stuck in a predicament. Lost some people and supplies”

Maggie frowns lowering her weapon knowing internally he wasn’t going to do anything. Expect stand there with her, waiting for her group to help with part of his.

“You look tense. More than the start of the ride over”

“My best friend was in this group. She’s one of the only good fighters we’ve got…I’m just afraid that something worse happened to her after getting out of the crash. I made a promise to her. It will eat me alive if she died and I didn’t give the one thing she wanted out of years of knowing her”

“My family knows what they are doing”

Jesus turns to Maggie with a small smile and hoping even harder that nothing happened.

His people were simply hiding away for a moment, in hopes more of their own would come and get them. Thankful for the people that Jesus ran into.

“Come on, let’s go” Daryl tells one of his people as he held his hands up to him and Glenn but didn’t budge.

“I can’t leave without my friend. She got hurt in the crash” He nervously states watching the two look at each other for a moment but they knew they weren’t leaving without all Jesus’s people.

Abraham’s mind has been in a fog for a while that when he ran down the hall to take out a walker. He was met with a woman cowering slightly with his intense presence, especially when her life was almost met with an end.

“Sorry”

“It’s cool. I’m a. Used to it by now” Y/N’s body continued to shake as she was dealing with a bit of road rash and a head lac.

“Come on!”

No…

“Abraham, let’s go. Carry her out if she’s in shock” Glenn chimes on his way past following the man Y/N was currently fixated on the voice. Before Abraham could grab her, she immediately ran after the first voice she heard other than the man that almost killed her.

Once Y/N stepped out of the building, looking a bit like Carrie with the amount of blood on her. Most was hers. Other was…well, they are stuck in the crashed vehicle. Jesus instantly beamed.

“Oh thank fuck you’re okay Y/N”

Y/N. Wait a fucking minute Daryl quickly whipped his head toward the woman slowly and cautiously approaching him. She hasn’t really changed…except for a few more scars and her hair being longer. She was still his Y/N.

“I thought you were dead…after the first few years, I really thought you were—-“

“Daryl…I don’t. My adrenaline is fading…so it’s kind of really hard to…believe this is…real or another hallucination” Y/N stumbled a bit and before she completely collapsed, Daryl quickly caught her picking her up bridal style and going back to the RV to let Harlan take care of her with what he has.

Daryl’s eyes haven’t left Y/N’s person the entire ride back to the Hilltop. Of course the two reunite when something bad happens to one of them. But he knew she would pull through from this, she’s a fighter.

Once the RV reached the walls of the Hilltop, the group stepped out and followed Jesus inside as Daryl followed Harlan the entire time he picked up Y/N, got her out of the RV, and started to make his way to the infirmary trailer which he informed Glenn and Maggie about on the ride over. Part of Daryl stuck with his group but his mind was elsewhere when he entered the Barrington House. Expecting Jesus to point it out, Maggie did.

“Go to her, Daryl. We’ve got this much covered” Maggie tells him as his eyes looked over to Rick watching him nod. Not that he needed permission. But it was a new community to them. He also wanted to meet this leader…that was problematic all on his own.

Right as Daryl approached the trailer door, Harlan stepped out and quickly gave the archer a smile.

“Just the man I’m looking for. At least, by patient’s request”

“She’s awake?”

“Yeah and you were the first thing she asked about. She also made me make sure she wasn’t concussed…but she is a bit. So. Don’t pinch her if she asks “are you real?” or not. She’s taken more than just a head lac and road rash” Harlan warns mainly for them to be a bit careful with a more conscious reunion.

As the doctor stepped away from the trailer letting Daryl step in and stare at Y/N like he’s seen a ghost. She had the same stare toward him before breaking the silence.

“I really thought you died. But uh. Not until after a year in the outbreak”

“…why’d yea leave?” Daryl frowns, immediately touching that topic as he leaned against the adjacent wall from her seated position on the cot.

“I mean…we are adults. I shouldn’t have to sugarcoat anything to you”

“Did your dad hurt yea badly again? Or your mom? Is that why you left”

“Yes…and no. I was…heartbroken and dealing with more than just that. That I had to leave. I know now how selfish that can be given I could’ve just gone to you and we would’ve…I don’t know”

“We would’ve found a way out together” Daryl states avoiding the distance and sitting beside Y/N feeling her hand instantly rest on his knee as the look of relief in her face washed over her. He’s real. This isn’t you saying what you want to hear.

“My dad found out that I broke up with his best friend’s son, and the reason why I did…because I obviously didn’t love him or even liked him for the matter…” Y/N frowns keeping her eyes toward the ground to avoid his. “He…pulled my arm out of my socket when I tried to run away the first time. To avoid anything further, once I got it put back in…with an injured healing arm I got the fuck out of there. Couldn’t call you because I left my phone at home. Left everything he and my mother could find me with and just. Went West until I came back in hopes to talk to you…then the outbreak happened”

Daryl felt her hand tremble slightly as she pulls away but he carefully took said hand that was once on his leg and into his hand for her to squeeze.

“What was the reason…cuz yer old man would’ve just found another suitor”

“I was in love with my best friend” Her words hit him like a truck as he squeezed her hand carefully, feeling her other rest on top of their conjoined ones. “Of course he thought I was gay and I know his homophobic ass wouldn’t like that. But I corrected him. Because I wanted my family to know who my best friend was and how important he was to me that he stole my heart instantly��I was just too afraid to say anything until now”

“why didn’t you say anything sooner…or runaway to me?”

“When you go to the lake house, and hear your best friend in the throws with another woman.” Y/N felt the tears slowly fall off her cheeks as Daryl tried his best to ignore his threatening his waterline. “You didn’t want to tell him that you left for more than just your parents. You left because…you thought you would never be good enough for him”

“You’re good enough for me, you’re more than good enough” He scoffs. “I’ve always been in love with you, I was too coward to say anythin’”

“It’s been years…and you still do?…as much as me?”

“More even” Daryl lifted his head to look her in the eye as she knew she was crying but notice the stray tears that fell here and there from his own. “I never stopped looking for you. Only times I did was when I was runnin’ from the horrors of the old and new world. But you never left my mind. All I wanted was to be with you.”

“And here we are” Y/N sobbed pressing her forehead against his, feeling the cot shift when he brought himself closer wrapping his arm around her. She eventually brought both her arms around him moving her face to the crook of his neck as Daryl caged her in his embrace keeping mind of her injuries even if she first didn’t care about them.

“Please, don’t leave me again”

“I’m stuck to you like glue, D. I’m never leaving again”

#the amount of times I deleted and re-write this one #I deserve a reward #jk jk #I’m just happy I finally got a route I liked for this #cultofdixon #the walking dead #daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon fanfiction

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catholic-character-tournament · 11 months

Text

Round 1 - Side A

Galahad art credit @spiralstain

Propaganda below ⬇️

Junk Rat

I wish his Catholicism meant if he got killed in game it would take him 3 days to respawn

Galahad

OKAY SO . "Galahad (played by Jonny d'Ville): a travelling preacher/religious zealot who is told to sit in the Siege Seat by Merlin, and discovers the fact that Fort Galfridian is falling into the star Avalon. He sparks the quest for the GRAIL, and willingly goes to his death to overcome its final defences." DUDE SAT IN THE CHAIR THAT IS KNOWN FOR KILLING PEOPLE BECAUSE HIS CRUSH [MERLIN] [AKA HANGED MAN] [AKA DRUMBOT BRIAN] TOLD HIM TO . SORRY I THINK THATS REALLY FUNNY. he found out the whole shitshow of a spacestation he lived on was gonna fall into the sun and he went around yelling about it incomprehensibly and got fucking gunned down trying to get the GRAIL and just kept going through the gunfire because of how Religious [tm] he was . he died . in once and future king it just "galahad's blind faith" . also hellfire goes really hard . he is the definition of going insane with the knowledge of the universe . also jonny dville played him thats bonus points

There was a prophet. The prophet gave three separate people three separate instructions. 1. Stop being racist 2. Love your son 3. Sit in the Chair That Makes People Insane Galahad received number three. He was the only one who followed the instructions. He sat in the Chair That Makes People Insane, saw the sun for the first time, and immediately starts preaching about how everyone will burn in hellfire

i dont know anything about this guy i just wanna help make Kai happy please dont like not count my submission just because i dont know anythinf except for the Kills You Chair im trying my best im sorry 😭

his themesong is called hellfire and it slaps btw go listen to it. anyways he is my blorbo blingus he is Deeply unwell i could fix him but also whatever is wrong with him is incredibly fascinating to watch. a robot dude who's been hanging from the gallows since forever told him 'hey go sit in the Chair That Kills People Who Sit In It' and he was like 'I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT MY ENTIRE LIFE'. the getting-his-brain-fried thing definitely made him worse but he was also clearly kind of fucked up before that. his death is probably one of my favorite scenes in any mechs album. maybe just straight up my favorite. ahem. SAY WHAT YOU WILL ABOUT FAITH, BUT IT CAN HAVE POWERFUL EFFECTS ON THOSE THAT HAVE IT. IT CAN KEEP YOU FROM FALTERING AS THE BULLETS START TO SLAM INTO YOU. IT CAN KEEP YOU WALKING AS YOU LEGS ARE SHOT TO BLOODY STUMPS. IT CAN KEEP YOU LAUGHING AS YOUR LUNGS ARE FILLED WITH SHRAPNEL AND LEAD. IT CAN KEEP YOU SMILING AS HALF YOUR FACE IS BLOWN AWAY. IT CAN KEEP A MAN LIKE GALAHAD STANDING TALL UNTIL THE GUNS. CLICKED. DRY. anyways go listen to high noon over camelot <3

my friends my people my... flock I HAVE HAD A VISION!! A VAST FIERY ORB FLOATIN IN AN ENDLESS VOID!! and there so small so feagile US!!! BUT FALLIN FALLIN FALLIN INTO THE FLAMES!!! your soul is connected to the world youre in youre draggin it down with the weight of your sin surrounded by temptation and y'just give in we're fallin into the flames OF THAT FIRE THAT FIRE THAT HEEEEELLLLLLFIIIRE YOUR BROW BECOMES SLICK AS YOU PERSPIRE YOU THINK YOURE THIRSTY NOW WAIT TIL IT GETS DRIER AND YA FEEL THE HEAT OF THE FLAMES OF THAT FIRE THAT FIRE THAT HELLFIRE YOUR SICK AND SINFUL LIES WILL BUILD A FUNERAL PYRE YOUR PERVERSION SCARS THE STATION SON ITS GONAN FRY HER AND WE ALLLLLL FALL INTO THE FLAMES... oh i have SEEN DAMNATION MY BROTHERS!! ive FELT its searing heat within my VERY BONES !!!!!!! but there is a way me be saved... "OH TELL US FATHER GALAHAD, TELL US" I HEAR YOU CRY "IS IT PIETY IS IT PURITY IS IT VIRTUE?" NO!!! ONLY WAY TO SAVE US NOW IS THE HOLY GRAIL ITSELF... HAHAHAHAHHAAAA.... WELL THAT ORB OF DAMNATION MAKES THE SUN SEEM PALE YOURE QUITE CORRECT TO QUIVER YOU ARE RIGHT TO QUAIL THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE US IS TO FIND THAT GRAIL OR WE ALL FALL INTO THE FLAMES OF THAT FIRE THAT FIRE THAT HELLFIRE YOUR SKIN STARTS TO SIZZLE AS YOU EXPIRE YOU CLAIM TO BE VIRTUOUS BUT YOURE A LIAR !!!!! AND YOU FEEL THE HEAT OF THE FLAMES ... i said HEEEELLLLFIIIIRE HEEEEEEEELLLLFIRE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLFIIIIIREEE HEEEEEEELLLLLLFIIIIIIRE OF THAT FIRE THAT FIRE THAT HELLFIRE AT THE HEART OF THAT INFERNO THAT WILL NEVER TIRE IVE SEE THE END IS NIGH AND DAMNATIONS NIGHER OH WE ALL FALL INTO THE FLAMES

Ok i know this is kind of a shot in the dark because hes so obscure but i need to speak my truth. Hes so insane. The narrator calls him a “holy roller.” He has a vision which is meant to tell him that the place they live is LITERALLY going to get burnt to a crisp because its slowly falling into the sun. But hes like Oh my god i just had a vision of hell i need to save everyone from eternal damnation. And he happily gets killed and turned into a pile of slop because he believes its what he was “chosen to do” he quite literally dies for his religion. Hes also quite funny. I like him. Thank you

#junkrat #overwatch #junk rat #High Noon over Camelot #The Mechanisms #Galahad #cct polls #tumblr tournament #tumblr bracket #tumblr polls

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jamiesfootball · 28 days

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Word Game Wednesday:

Sick

Note: I'm very sure I've posted some of this one before, so to make up for it I'm just posting it in a bigger chunk :D

Someone’s hand was on the crown of his head. It was a nice hand, warm. It moved softly, brushing his fringe back from his forehead so the owner could examine Jamie’s face. “Amigo?” Dani. Something hot seized at the core of him, and Jamie struggled to keep his face blank. To keep his eyes closed and keep Dani from realizing he was awake, because if he did then he’d stop and- Fuck, he missed Dani. “I think he is waking. Jamie, can you hear me?” A new hand joined Dani’s. This one cooler to the touch, with gentle knuckles that tested the temperature of Jamie’s skin, and now the burning feeling was building behind his eyes, because as badly as he didn’t want to get up, who was he to disappoint Sam Obisanya? “Yeah, I’m fine." His voice didn't come out right; all gruff and clogged, sounded like he was putting on his best Roy Kent impression. “Must’ve dozed off for a moment, but don’t worry I didn’t lose any time. We can keep going—“ Sam’s hand on his chest stopped him from getting up. “We are in the treatment room.” What? Jamie tried to open his eyes, only to squeeze them shut with a sharp gasp. “Hold on. I will get you something,” Sam said softly. He left, and Dani hovered closer, murmuring quietly in Spanish -- Jamie knew enough of them now to know they were curse words. Bit of a secret between them, that.

Fuck, he missed Dani. He reached up, trying to find some bit of Dani to hold onto - wrist or arm or even a hip - anything that would afford him a grip and keep him nearby, where Jamie needed him. Familiar and calloused, Dani's caught his hand of his own freewill. His thumb rubbed circles over the back of his knuckles. “Shhhh. Shhhh. It’s alright, amigo.” Was Jamie making a noise? “Here we are,” Sam’s voice returned, and that was all the warning that he had before a cold towel was laid across his forehead. Jamie groaned. A tear leaked out of the corner of his eye, dripping into his hair. He couldn’t be bothered to wipe it away. He hadn't realised how much it was hurt until a little relief made it worse. “Fuck. Do I have a concussion?” “No,” the dual answer came quickly, without hesitation.

"Then what?"

"You passed out from low blood sugar, you twit."

Jamie jumped. He hadn't even noticed Roy was in the room. He tried to open his eyes, only to turn away when the light stabbed him for his efforts. Sam readjusted the towel on his head, and Jamie tried to bat him away -- not because he didn't want him there, but because he needed to sit up, needed to get back out there, couldn't stay down when Roy expected him at training-

A sharp pinch caught him in the crook of his elbow. He hissed, inspecting the spot where the IV port was plugged into his arm until the feel of the needle under his skin made him queasy and he had to look away.

Sam made that tick noise he did with his teeth when he was disappointed. It made Jamie want to crawl under a blanket. He didn't even have a blanket. Dani gently maneuvered him until he was lying back down. The damp towel hadn't even budged from his head.

"You also have a bump on your temple," Sam explained gently.

"And a fever," Roy growled.

"You should have told us you were sick." Great, now even Dani sounded like he was frowning.

Outnumbered, Jamie fought through the throbbing pain behind his eyes to argue his case: “But we have Leeds tomorrow.”

"Jamie," sighed Sam. "They are at the bottom of the table."

#word game wednesday #jamie tartt #sam obisanya #dani rojas #roy kent #writing snippet #i shall finish those holiday gift fics one day I super duper promise #cw needles #(just in case)

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anjaelle · 6 months

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White Light | Part VIII

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Pairing: Ghost!Aaron Taylor-Johnson x Black!Reader Warnings: DEATH, BLOOD, mentions of drug use. Graphic depiction of death. Word Count: 2.3K Summary: Darkness falls... A/N: Two chapters left.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

When he ran his fingers over the guitar strings, you could see the longing in his eyes and in the clench of his jaw. You knew very little about instruments. You saw it collecting dust in the corner of a thrift shop, lonely and in desperate need of repair, and you took it. You didn't even know if he'd be able to use it. If he could take it to the other side with him when he inevitably left.

None of that mattered to you. You just knew he'd need it. When it came back to you, repaired and good as new, you rushed home to give it to him.

"I know you said you played bass," you rushed to say as he grasped the guitar neck in shaking hands, "But I also remember you saying that you used to play guitar too. At least for a little while. And...yeah..."

"Why?" He asked, softly, cradling the guitar like it was a newborn in his hands.

"I don't know," you admitted, "I just figured I'd--you needed something good. Just for once."

He swallowed hard, and let out a short laugh before running his fingers through his curls and turning away.

"It's so...wow. I mean...Shit."

You fidgeted with your fingers as he took a moment to collect his thoughts, unsure of what to say next. And as he turned to you again, golden hour washed over you both, casting you in a warm glow that made him seem more alive than you'd ever seen him.

"Thank you." His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat then laughed, "I need to re-learn how to play this thing. It's been a while."

You watched the mirth dance across his face and leaned against the windowsill in satisfaction, "Mhm. Because you owe me a song for my troubles. Maybe even two."

In the blink of an eye, he pulled you in for a deep kiss, cradling your face in his warm hands. His thumbs swept across the apples of your cheeks before his hands slipped down to the back of your neck, down your shoulders, your chest, and finally slipping around your waist to pull you in closer. You didn't remember draping your arms around his shoulders, or curling your fingers in his dark curls. Like muscle memory. Like in another life you'd done it a million times.

He pulled away only to pepper your face with more kisses, something you felt like he'd wanted to do for so long by how his hands grabbed your hips.

"I'll write you a library of music." He breathlessly said, kissing you again, "Whatever you want."

─ ·𖥸· ─

You stared at the stained wood floor, numb to the reality of what you've just discovered. It felt like the old, brown stain was growing in width, crawling towards you like you called to it. The ringing in your ears, and the sharp, shallow breaths you took nearly drowned out the sound of the intercom when it rang.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" You asked him, finally forcing yourself to look directly into his face and not at what remained of his body spilled onto the floor. He looked...sick. Pale. Very much dead. And it startled you. How many times had you both walked over this spot. Could he feel it underneath the layers of varnish and paint? If he could, he hid it well. But judging by the way he worked his jaw and avoided eye contact with you, you didn't think he knew any better than you about what the landlord may have done.

You asked again, "Aaron, are you sure you want to do this?"

His eyes flickered over to you, dull and lifeless, before refocusing on the stain, "Yeah."

The intercom rang again and you hesitated before pressing the buzzer to let the visitor in. You could almost hear your heart thrumming in your ears as the footsteps creaked on the staircase and echoed down the hall.

You tried to practice what you'd say when they finally arrived, but you weren't entirely sure if it was worth it to rehearse. After all, you'd probably sound like a crazy person.

It was worth a try.

A heavy knuckle rapped against the door, pulling you from your thoughts as suddenly as you slipped into them. You shot another glance at him, and then dragged yourself to the door. And as your hand hesitated over the doorknob, Aaron cleared his throat behind you.

"Do it. I need to know."

You nodded and took a deep breath before pulling the door open. Danny--Aaron's childhood friend, former bandmate, and one of the last people to see him alive--looked you over with a furrowed brow of concern.

"Shit, love, you look like death."

You felt like death.

You forced a faint smile that instantly fell and you shook your head in an effort to get your thoughts together. What little thoughts you had, anyway.

"I...this isn't going to be easy. I couldn't really tell you over the phone. So thank you for coming."

You took a step back to allow him into your space. He seemed to pause before crossing the threshold. You could imagine it was a surreal experience to be in a place you made so many memories in, so long ago.

"It feels the same. Though you're loads neater than we all were." He chuckled softly to himself, lost in his memories for a moment, "Do you still have that one burner on the stove that you need to kinda rev up to get going?"

You smiled at that. Mildly annoyed that the landlord never bothered to change the kitchen in 20 years but also mildly charmed by the idea that you and your visitor had another thing in common with one another.

"Yeah, I hate it. I try to avoid using it as often as possible."

"We did too," he added wistfully. You could see his eyes starting to water, and he turned away to collect himself. "Is this gonna be a tough chat?"

You wanted to say no. Maybe spare the inevitable pain his close friend would feel in having to relive the night--and the follow up--all over again. But then you glanced over at Aaron standing at the window, still and closed off like an old Gothic statue of a biblical martyr. This wasn't about you. This wasn't even about Danny. You straightened your back and forced the words out.

"I found his blood. On...on the floor. A-and the windowsill." You shakily admitted aloud for the first time. You saw him visibly stiffen at the admission, and his eyes widened.

"Who's blood?"

"Aaron's. I found it."

"He's playing dumb," Aaron suddenly said, beside you, "he knows what happened. Ask him."

You weren't sure if he saw your eyes flicker to the space beside you registering everything the unseen entity was saying.

Danny shoved his hands in his pockets, anxiously, "How do you know it's his?"

You took a deep breath, steeling your nerves, and asked pointedly, "How did he die, Danny? What happened that night?"

"Why do you care?"

"Because he's here." You plainly stated, motioning beside you at the shape he couldn't see.

He gave you a strange look, and sneered at you, "You're sick. You're fucking sick, and this is a terrible thing to do."

Aaron rolled his eyes, "He's so full of shit."

"Fine ask me something only Aaron would know. Since I'm supposedly a liar, it'd be easy to prove wouldn't it?" You calmly asked.

"I'm not entertaining this." He grumbled, turning to leave.

"Tell him that you know he stupidly bought drugs off some guy in an alley in California and accidentally snorted fiberglass and baby powder after the Berkley show. I was the only one that sat in the waiting room for him."

"He did WHAT?" You blurted out.

"What?" He turned again, looking at you like you had three heads. You briefly glanced at Aaron again, who motioned for you to share what he said.

"Um..." you swallowed, slightly disturbed by the new information you were given, "He says you accidentally snorted fiberglass and baby powder after the Berkley show? And that none of your friends waited in the hospital for you but him?"

His eye twitched and you felt like he might yell at you, instead he took a deep breath, "Who told you about that? It was fuckin' Natalia wasn't it?"

For fucks sake.

"I've never even met Talia, but I know she was there that night wasn't she? Come on, help me out here."

He stared at you for an uncomfortably long time.

"Who are you?"

You chose to ignore that question, "I know there was an argument that night, Gavin hit him over the head, and he was dead after that. What. Happened. That. Night?"

Danny sighed and took a step towards you, "You know, I hadn't thought about Gavin in ages. Not until he died, anyway. Overdose. Not surprising, but still sad all the same. We separated on pretty bad terms. He got too big, decided he didn't need us. I make the effort to talk to his kids at least once a week, even though he was a piece of shit in the end. Talia took it hard. But even then, I rarely thought about Gavin."

"From what I heard, he was hard to be around sometimes," you said. Aaron snorted, leaning up against the wall.

Danny quirked a brow at you, "From what you heard?"

"He's in denial," Aaron sighed. "Can't say I blame him. I didn't believe in that crazy ghost shit either. But, y'know, here we are."

Danny glanced in Aaron's direction like he heard him, but you were sure he couldn't have. The younger man pushed himself off the wall and walked up to Danny, circling him in examination. You saw his shoulders visibly tense.

"I told you, Aaron is literally here." You carefully reiterated, motioning to where he was standing.

"What else has he told you?" Danny asked.

"That he was in love with Talia, that Gavin was jealous. Considering how things turned out, I guess he wasn't too far off with that assumption." You tried to hide the hint of shameful jealousy in your voice. "I assumed that's why Gavin killed him."

He said nothing. Aaron sidled up beside you, looking him over suspiciously.

"He's acting weird." He murmured.

"You think Gavin killed him over a girl?" Danny plainly asked.

"I think things like that are sadly very common. Jealousy, drugs, money, love. People will kill for a number of things." You subconsciously found yourself taking a small step back.

The red-headed older man sighed deeply, "I loved Aaron, man. I know I said I didn't think that much about Gavin before he finally fucked off to Hell or wherever he ended up. But I think about Aaron every day. He was the one that taught me how to write sheet music, y'know? I'm still not very good. I try though." He scratched the back of his head. You were having a hard time following the conversation, "We knew we were fucked. The minute it happened--when he stopped moving--we knew...what the fuck were we gonna do? It was so stupid. Just an accident."

"Accidents happen." You carefully whispered, taking another small step back. His eyes caught the movement.

"Accidents do happen. All the time. But our apartment was filled with drugs, we were about to get our biggest break yet, we had so much to lose. I--we loved the guy. We did. But we could always get another bassist."

Your heart sank, "Why would you do that to him? Your own friend?"

"Don't act so self-righteous. Have you ever had anything to lose? Have you ever been desperate?" Danny took a step towards you, "Have you ever been hungry? You do what you need to."

Alarm signals went off in your head, and Aaron appeared behind him, "You need to leave. Now."

It didn't make sense to you, "If it was an accident, why hide it? Why not just admit what happened?"

Your words died in your throat when you noticed how close he was standing to you. Your blood ran ice cold, paralyzing you in fear you'd never felt before. You locked eyes with Aaron over his shoulder as he leaned over you.

"Then again," you whispered, "I could be wrong. It could just be a mistake--"

It felt like you'd been punched in the stomach. You wondered why he would do that to you when he was so much larger than you? When you'd been so nice to him? When you both loved Aaron as much as you did?

Then the pain doubled. You clutched your stomach just as he pulled the blade out, and your hands were covered in blood. You didn't register Aaron screaming for you and pushing Danny into a table across the room, or the sound of breaking wood and glass.

Your knees buckled under you, your vision darkened. You tried to drag yourself across the floor. To what? You weren't sure. You just wanted the pain to stop. You wanted someone to find you and make everything better.

You thought of your grandmother, your friends, and your parents. And as the blurry visage of Aaron appeared in front of you, you started to cry.

"Please, please, please. I don't want to die," you tried to say as your vision blurred.

If he was saying anything you couldn't understand it. You felt yourself struggling to breathe, you tasted blood on your tongue.

This couldn't be it. This couldn't be how you fucking died. You were angry. So angry that you could scream and punch the floor.

And then...

He grabbed you in his arms, and you were falling. Through the floor. Through the veil that separated you from the rest of the world.

Into darkness that enveloped you both.

#aaron taylor johnson #atj x reader #aaron taylor johnson x black reader #fic: white light #atj x black reader #jae writes

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the-bjd-community-confess · 3 months

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I joined the hobby with my sister in early 2003. We both got our first dolls at the same time but I hated my doll (she arrived blank) and I decided to not join the hobby because I hated the doll so much. My sister stayed active, but passed away in 2016, in which I got my first doll back when they were passing the inheritance and arranging everything. That was my reintroduction into the doll hobby, to connect with my sister in a way.

Enjoyed making friends with people in the community, generally found the community peaceful and positive. I liked playing and taking pictures of my dolls and was interested in trying OC and the biographies people posted because it looked fun.

in 2022 the rest of my family passed away in a car crash. Its been difficult for me to accept this and I keep going into states of "if this" or "if that", and I tried to connect to the hobby but I couldnt escape reality. It didnt help that my fathers side of the family were relentlessly trying to put a conservatorship on me, have me put in a mental hospital and seize control of me, my assets and finances forcing me to go to a psychiatrist and take medication just so I can have freedom and avoid them.

I decide to try and cheer myself by going to a doll event on holiday and get a chance on a doll that is coveted by a niche in the community, as in limited to a few dolls a year that you can only get in person in a certain location on certain dates by a lottery. This is a doll Ive been obsessed with getting, having won two YJA auctions for her (you arent supposed to buy them secondhand or sell them), only to have the sellers always refund the proxy. I won this doll, on my first lottery entry and I feel nothing.

I met two people and one was extremely kind, and the other that I thought I had a connection with was just disappointing to meet in person. Gossiping about people the whole time, including the person that was also there with us, always talking about why they were better than so and so because they did x. Talked about entering the lottery many times but always losing and not to get my hopes up because they dont pick nonresident foreigners. She also suggested I bring in someone to increase my chances, but I said I wanted to play fair and she shocked me when she said good answer; like it was a trick suggestion or she was waiting for an aha moment.

The pure anger on her face when I was called the winner, and then the comment about them picking the lottery winner like I was supposed to feel bad that I was picked instead of randomly chosen was weird to me. I just brushed it off as me being paranoid. Its not jealousy of the doll, but I think anger that they picked someone she saw as unworthy (me). She even called me a whale, but I just ignored the comment because I know Im not even remotely chubby back then.

Then she said something about how maybe this was the universe giving me a present because my whole family passed away a few months ago (at that time). This was the first time I told someone in the hobby about my familys passing and I felt completely emptied? deflated? by the comment. They may have not meant it to be negative, but I felt repulsed. TBH, I havent even taken the doll out of the box since getting her because I keep remembering that comment made. They probably didnt mean much, but it stuck to me. I cant even look at the doll's box without feeling sick. I just remembered this because its been a year + and I saw someone being annoyed that a oneoff winner didnt post an opening even though its been a few months, and now I feel worse because its been a year of her in the box.I was just waiting until I felt happy again so I can at least have the box opening be special. I dont know what to do because that comment; the universe giving me a doll in return of my whole family dying? I cant disassociate it and I wish I never met that person because I feel like it has made the doll hobby unenjoyable to me, but I also know its unreasonable to think this way because Ive met so many that are so nice and kind. I think Im reading into the comment more than its worth. I honestly feel pathetic for letting it affect me this much.

Sorry for writing all of this. I just wanted to get it out of my chest so I can maybe get back to normal. My friends dont like listening to this, because Im a man and am supposed to be more mature, and I also dont like holding on to anger, and I dont usually do, but I feel angry and sad all the time, when I know I should be grateful because I have a lot of blessings. Some might know who I am, and I hope they dont take it as a sign of me needing help, and more of just me venting if they read all of this, that my disinterest in a lot of things isnt them, its just Im not back to normal and I want to be.

~Anonymous

Mod: I'm so sorry anon, you've been through so much. 💗

This person sounds insecure and jealous and imo you should dismiss everything they said to you, it was not coming from a good place. You deserve to have joy and happiness in your life.

#BJD #ABJD #BJD Confessions #Community Confessions #BJD Lottery

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hearts4juzi · 5 months

Text

Weird Thoughts and Bad Things

Michael makes a! Choice! And drags Evan down with him. OR Silly au scene ive had in my head. Evan's about 17, Mike is 20-22

Evan was on his laptop when he heard a knock on the doorway to his room. He turned to see Michael, who was leaning on the doorframe with a rather aloof expression. Almost aloof, actually. He was fidgeting and looking side to side occasionally, like he was nervous.

That was never a good sign.

“What do you need?” Evan said hesitantly, “Did something happen?”

“I need your help,” Michael said.

“My… Help? Why?”

“I just do, come with me,” He pressed.

“Get Elizabeth to do it, Mike, I’m busy,” Evan said. He didn’t like this, and especially not how Michael kept pausing to look around, like someone was after him.

He took a deep breath, “Ev, come on, just help me out, okay?”

Evan gave him an unamused look at the nickname, and Michael rolled his eyes.

“Just help me! Get off your ass and come with me!” Michael grabbed Evan’s arm and pulled him halfway out of his chair before he could catch himself.

“Dude!” Evan hissed.

“Now! It’s important and I… I can’t tell Liz.” He said the last bit in a hushed voice, before looking around again. Now Evan was really uncomfortable. Now he was concerned.

“What happened?”

“Just come on!” Michael snapped.

They walked down the hall in silence. Michael was wringing his hands, something Evan recognized as a nervous stim of sorts. Michael used to do that a lot more when they were kids. He was also being slow, slower than he normally was. If Michael wasn’t rushing everyone in the house, he was either tired…

Or he was scared.

Michael led him to their father’s office—a place they weren’t allowed in, Evan noted suspiciously—and paused at the door.

“You can’t freak out,” He said.

“Why? What’s in there?”

“Promise me you won’t freak out.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

Michael grabbed Evan’s shoulders, “Promise,” He said harshly.

Evan stared at him. He knew Michael, despite how much his brother would like to pretend he didn’t. He knew that something was wrong. Very wrong. Actually, the past month has been weird for Michael. He wasn’t even really being a dick, he just seemed… Tired. It was a weird kind of tired, more that he’d avoided everyone and been a lot quieter. Unless it was to their father, who almost always had something to argue with him about.

Evan felt a bit guilty for not trying to reach out to Michael, but he could imagine what Gregory would say.

“It’s not your job to fix whatever he’s got going on, especially not before you’ve fixed whatever you’ve got going on,”

The thought made him feel a bit better, actually. Maybe Gregory was a stronger influence than he’d thought.

“...I promise,” He finally said.

Michael slowly opened the door and the first thing Evan noticed was that everything on their father’s desk was strewn about. Oh and also there was blood everywhere. And their father on the floor, covered in it…

Oh.

Oh, he felt like he was gonna be sick. When he turned to Michael he’d lost the calm collected look and now had a mixture of discomfort and a bit of remorse plastered on his face.

“What the hell happened?” Evan hissed, “Why- We need to call somebody Michael what the he-”

Michael grabbed him again, “NO,” He snarled, “We are NOT calling somebody, are you insane!?”

Evan’s brain took a moment to catch up, so he stared dumbly at Michael trying to understand.

“I killed him, dipshit!” Michael said in a hushed voice.

Oh. Joy.

“And you need to help me clean this up!”

Even better!

“What!? Why?” Evan gasped, “No! No way! No way in hell no nope never nuh uh no way no how never!”

Michael didn’t let go of him, instead tightening his grip, “Listen, Dad was an asshole, I’m helping all of us,” He said, “you wanna snitch to the cops? Fine. But I hope you know it’s not worth it for our dad, Evan. And if you don’t, you’re already an accomplice because you KNOW I did it and you’re not telling them, so you might as well help me clean it up. Nobody has to know, nobody will miss him, listen to me Ev!”

Evan stared at him, then at the body on the floor, then back at him. “But you can’t… you can’t just kill people, Mike, please, please listen to me, Mike we need to tell someone we can’t just-”

Michael grabbed his wrist, “I’m not above killing you too if it shuts you up!”

Evan’s mouth snapped closed with a click and he stared at Michael in disbelief. His brother just handed him a bottle of disinfectant, “Let’s clean this up now.”

And so he did. They cleaned in silence, and then took the body and buried it in the woods behind their house.

While Michael dug the hole, Evan stood off to the side anxiously. He hadn’t said anything since Michael threatened him, but now that he thought about it, he didn’t think he’d actually go through with it. At least, he was pretty sure. 90% sure. 50% sure… He was pretty sure! He knew Michael sucked but he seemed at least a bit shaken up about this and… And Evan hadn’t done anything wrong, right? Nothing worth killing him over… Right?

“Put it in,” Michael said, and Evan did. It felt wrong, very wrong, for whatever reason. Evan didn’t like his father. He hated his father, in fact! But even so… Something wasn’t right. But at this point he wasn’t sure if that was about his father… or if it was about Michael…

And then they went home, and Evan sat back down in his chair and continued using his laptop. But his chest was tight and he felt sick and everything felt wrong all of a sudden.

But Michael was so weirdly calm about it, if not a bit freaked out at the idea of getting caught, and he was shaken sure, but not as much as he should be. As if this was nothing! As if he didn’t just kill someone, and threaten to kill Evan and…

He needed to call Gregory, he didn’t wanna be here tonight. He certainly didn’t feel like sleeping here.

#my writing #fnaf #michael afton #evan afton #fnaf au #kill ur dad au #The title for this google doc was just “I killed dad Ev” and it made me giggle

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defrosted69 · 1 year

Text

Only You

IVE Rei Fanfic

"Ahhh fucking colds.. Damn it.."

You annoyingly said as you were laying on bed doing absolutly nothing. You hated how you were feeling weak and sick that your time was wasted laying in bed instead of doing something productive. You sigh and stared at the ceiling of your room. You have nobody to look out but yourself as you were now living in your small apartment. There was nobody that could aid you up and you prefer it like that. You didn't want to be a bother to anyone else besides you were also at fault for being sick.

yesterday's rain was something and you didn't expect to rain that much so you brought no umbrella. Thinking you made the right decision, you obliviously went around the city without an umbrella. You were tasked to help send some fliers for your group project and you had to go around the city giving fliers to the people. Eventually, the weather caught up to you as a sudden downpour shocked everyone even you. Your fliers were soaked in the rain as you tried your best to look for a cover from the harsh rain but you couldn't find anything.

You eventually decided to head home and call it a day. You were soaking wet when you arrived at your dorm and felt so disgusted at yourself. You threw away your clothes in the washing bin and Immediately took a shower. You were waiting for the warm water to splash your face but nothing came. You turned the faucet over and over but no water came. At this point, you were frustrated that you had to boil water from the kitchen as that was your shower. That was a very wrong decision because while you waited for the water to boil. Your body began to shiver and soon you were already sneezing and coughing. You had thought that it was nothing but it eventually got worse after you took a shower. Your body become so sour and your back felt so heavy. You could feel your body warming up.

You eventually called over to your friend, Mina about your situation. Of course hearing your croaked voice immediately made her worry for you. You smiled hearing her worry for you as you joked around saying you were alright. Mina Myoui was your childhood friend and best friend since birth.

You practical share each other's stuff and secrets. You were her pillar and she was yours. Both of you were practically each other's safe place. But even though she wanted to aid you, She was very busy with her schedule and couldn't come to you even for tomorrow. But she promised you that she'll do something to help you.

A smile appeared on your face and thanked her. If there were someone you can count on, it will be her. But that was yesterday. Today was the worst day and you couldn't even move your body properly because of how sore it is. Your stomach was growling and you could feel your starving stomach hate you as small pain in your stomach was evident.

“Damn it! I need to make some noodles for me-"

CLICK

You heard your door open as this made you shocked. There was no other people who knows about your room password except yourself, parents and Mina. So it was strange that someone was able to enter your room so easily

"Ah Hello Jaeyoon Oppa. God you don't look so good."

A familiar face was seen coming over to you as you sigh and smiled at her.

"Rei. What are you doing here?"

"Nursing you duh? Can't you see?"

"What did Mina said to you."

Rei just chuckled and hummed her response. Rei was Mina's younger sister and she was 2 years younger than you. You would often see her whenever you visit Mina at her home. The first time you met her was in middle school. She was wearing an adorable uniform which you complimented the young Rei.

Even though you never thought much into it. That was the moment Rei fell in love with you/

Yes, Rei's first love was none other than her sister's best friend. Of course she was able to tell this to Mina around she started Highschool as Mina was shocked. Mina was smiling ear to ear knowing that her little sister likes you. I mean Mina practically knows that you were famous in school not because you were talented or anything but because you were nice to everyone.

You were always helping people that even your teachers appreciate you. Mina knows that you were a very kind person but you were oblivious when it comes to someone liking you. You have always though that they wanted to be friends with you as Mina could recall her frustration toward you.

Through the following years, Mina helped Rei in every possible way but you were either busy helping others or you were doing your own things. And when Mina though that all hope was lost, This opportunity appeared as she immediately contacted Rei about it. Rei was a bit hesitant at first considering its been years since she gave up that feeling long ago. She knows that even if she tries her hardest, you will only see her as a little sister of your best friend. But Mina promised her that this time will be different. So Rei decided to try for the last time. If it works, then maybe she can continue but if not. She can give up.

"Ah by the way Rei."

"Hai?"

"How's your debut going? You're agency isn't a scam right?"

Rei laughed softly as she makes Ramen for you which you loved the most. The smell of her cooking made you walk to the kitchen with your blanket covering you. Rei blushed seeing how adorable you looked.

"Awee you look so cute in that Oppa."

You groaned as you didn't like how Rei teased you but hearing her laugh was music to your ears.

"Anyway, to answer your question. No they are not a scam. They are a legit company."

"Ohhh so you're following your sister's path huh? That's good."

Rei smirked as she asked

"Well aren't you a bit worried about me?"

"Of course I'm worried about you. Why wouldn't I be?"

You said those words nonchalantly yet that made Rei super red as her heart raced so fast. She immediately turned her back on you not wanting to make eye contact with you.

"Do you know how scary a Kpop idol is right now? People in social media are ruthless. And I don't want you to face those criticism Because your so talented."

At this point, Rei was redder than a tomato as she quickly made the ramen and gave it you. Your eyes sparkled seeing her ramen as Rei sat opposite to you. She was a bit nervous because she wasn't that confident with her cooking skills. Yet when you took a bite of it, it was enough to close down 5 ramyeon shops nearby.

"Woah! This is so good! You make the best Ramen Rei!"

Your compliment made her shy as she looked down In embarrassment yet she was smiling ear to ear because of your words.

"Hey Rei. Have some."

You suddenly called Rei over as this surprised you.

"N-No it's okay Oppa-"

"Come on. The chef should taste her cooking."

Even though Rei wanted to decline, your chopsticks were already filled as her heart began to beat so loud. She got close to you as you gently feed her food. Rei's eyes only focused on you as you were smiling at her seeing her eat a lot of food. You were afraid that she might lose her weight and you didn't want to see that. Rei on the other hand shy looked away from you as she gulped her food down.

"I-It's good.."

"Told you... Wait hold on.."

"Wha-"

Your soft hands grabbed her cheeks as this action made her redder. Her eyes were wide as the moon as you wiped the excess noddles off her mouth.

"Geez Rei, you eat like a kid.”

You chuckled at her but Rei was silent. She was too mesmerized by what was happening that she didn't know what to do. So instead of talking, she just let you wipe the noddles away as every second felt like an hour for her and she didn't want this to end soon. But good things does come to an end. You removed your hands away from her cheeks as she immediately missed your warm hands around her cheeks. She felt a little sad that it ended so soon.

"There we go. All cleaned up."

Rei could only just sigh as both of you talked trough out and when you were finally sent to bed, Rei made sure to wipe your body first in order to calm your temperature down. Now it was the opposite as you were the one who's shying away. This made Rei laugh and tease you.

"Ohh is Oppa scared of water? Ewwww he'll stink."

You wanted to speak up but Rei shut you up as she washes your arms which made you shiver from the cold. You were expecting Rei to roughly wash your body but surprisingly, she was so gentle and relaxing that it almost made you asleep.

Once that was done she tucked you in bed as you felt like a little baby with her touch. It sounded a little embarrassing for you but you actually enjoyed Rei taking care of you. Even though she was younger than you, you felt like you were being taken care with love like how your mother took care of you.

"Feeling comfortable Oppa?"

You nodded your head at her as she smiled at you. She felt satisfied and proud of herself as you looked so comfortable on your bed. Her heart was beating loudly as your sweet smile was making her heart flutter.

"Say Rei."

"Hai"

"If you became a famous Idol someday. Will you forget about me?"

A simple question yet hard to answer. Some would say yes in a heartbeat but Rei Hesitated because she knows that becoming famous means all eyes will be on her. She didn't want to ruin the bond you and her built but she also didn't want to make you a stranger because of her fame. But will she forget about you?

Absolutely not, but will she sacrifice her fame for her love for you? That's a big asterisk for her.

"Oppa, why would I forget you? You're always with Mina Unnie anyway so there's no way I'll forget you."

She sweetly smiled at you as you smiled back.

"That's nice to hear."

Even though Rei said those words, she felt like she wouldn't see you much anymore. Mina knew that since Rei was gonna be a kpop idol, her time for meeting you will be lessened to the point both of you will have no time for each other. A bittersweet smile appear on her face as she stroke your hair gently.

She began to sing a lullaby as her angelic voice somehow made you feel relaxed and at calm. You might be able to understand the lyrics she was saying singing but hearing the emotion on her voice somehow made you feel sad. Her singing made you feel like she was trying to say something but couldn't figure it out.

As the song ended, sleep had already took over you as Rei smiled seeing you peace sleeping.

"I'm sorry Oppa... I probably won't see you again and this might be the last time we can see each other..."

She felt her tears forming in her eyes as she wiped them away not wanting to wake you up.

"So.. For the first and last time Oppa, I'll say this.."

She leaned towards your face as she smiled sweetly with a few tears forming in her eyes.

"Aishitemasu"

She gave your forehead one long peck to finally say what she felt towards you. This was the goodbye between her feelings as she ventures into a new chapter of her life. She gave you one longing look before leaving you completely asleep in your comfortable apartment.

TIMESKIP 2 YEARS LATER

Tired and being worn out physically and emotionally is normal for an adult like you as you laid your body on your bed not even changing your clothes. Hectic as it sounds, it was your daily life to work because without it there was no way you would have a roof above your head to stay at. Before you thought that being an adult and doing the stuff you wanted to do was fun but now, you wished that you never grew up and just stayed being a kid.

"Uh, I wanna vacation so bad...."

You wished upon yourself a good get away from the stress of life and just unwind for a bit. And your prayers were answered by a call from your co-worker.

"Hello?

"Yow, Jaehoon you still awake?

"I was about to knock myself out. Why?

"I need help...

"Why? Your wife kicked you out?

"Kinda, anyway I need help

"Fine, I'll be there...

You ended the call and decided to washup a little to wake yourself up. Maybe a few alcohol will make you forget about the stress even for a bit as you left your apartment and went to your friend. You were familiar with the street as you found him on his favorite stall, drinking alone. He waved a hand at you as you sat opposite to him.

"So what's your hold up?"

You asked him as you pour a drink on your small glass.

"Well, my girl thought I was cheating on her with our coworker. I was just helping her and now this."

"Wasn't that newbie kinda flirty with you?"

"No, I though she just was being nice."

You chuckled as you dranked your glass and filled it again.

"Anyway, how's your love life?"

You could only sigh as you recalled the many blind dates you went through. Most of the girls you met were all nice and preety but nobody just clicked with your personality. There was no chemistry with them as if they were very far away from you. What they like is different from what you like. You tried your best to match their best interest but it just want worth it.

"I can't even last 4 months in a relationship. I'm hopeless in that department."

Your friend looked at you with a sad expression as you dranked a whole bottle of soju.

"Come on, you're not. I'm sure there's someone for you."

You scoffed as a painful yet bitter memory flashed in your mind. You couldn't believe the day would come where you would recall her. The very first person you loved and the very first person that made realize how love can be painful. You finished one bottle which surprised your friend aa you ordered another one

"Well there was one girl, which I thought would last..."

He saw how devastated you look as he was all ears

"Finally going home"

Yunjin said as everyone sight a relief in their company car. Their day has been very busy and they barely had time to eat or breath.

"Aren't we gonna go to lotte world tomorrow unnie?"

Liz asked as Geul nodded her head at the younger one.

"Yup, maybe we can enjoy our time there while shooting."

Yunjin said as the car errupted in cheers. They needed some sort of getaway from the stressful schedule of an idol because their fame was really on the top. IVE was a success right from debut and was a success with their music too. They were charting and producing bangers after bangers and was got the kpop industry in their hands.

But success comes with stress and tight schedule which was bad for the health especially for them with all eyes on them. As their car drives them home, Rei looked over the window watching the night street of seoul. She was reminded by how japan night streets looks so familiar with seoul as a small smile appeared on her face. A faint memory suddenly popped into her head as she smiled shyly. Though this was noticed by Leeseo as she smirked.

"Rei Unnie, is smiling by herself."

Her voice alarmed everyone as Rei immediately blushed hearing the comment of Leeseo.

"Yah, you-"

"Oh my Rei, got a guy problem? I'm the love expert."

Yunjin said as Rei just covered her face in embarrassment.

"It's not-"

"Come on Rei, I know it's a guy problem when I see it."

Liz added as Rei couldn't do anything. She was cornered as Wonyoung just smiled happily seeing the chaos unfold.

"Could it be... You like a male idol?!"

Yunjin gasped as everyone widen their eyes. It was gonna be a big deal esport considering how famous their group was.

"No!!"

Rei's sudden raise in voice silenced everyone as even Rei was surprised by her sudden changed in voice.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to scream like that."

Rei apologized immediately as her members accepted it. They too realized they might have gone over board with teasing her.

“Yeah we're sorry about that too But back to the topic. Who were you thinking about?"

As the atmosphere around them calmed down. Rei's blushed appeared once again as she her mind immediately went to you.

"I was just... Thinking about my... First love.. T-that's all."

Her members melted seeing how cute she was as they were intrigued to know more about her story.

"So. What's he like?"

"Umm.. Well.. He-"

Her eyes glimpsed at a familiar figure as her heart arched seeing that person.

"Manager-nim can we stop for a second?"

"Huh? Umm sure?"

Everyone was confused by Rei as her manager pulled over to a nearby stop by as Rei hurriedly open the door and runned back.

"Rei! Come back!"

Geul said as her members followed her running towards her as Rei didn't care if her face was seen on the street.

"There's no way... Please..."

Rei's thought was filled with sad thoughts as her legs finally stopped running. Her heart arched seeing how pitiful you looked. Until her eyes landed on the person aiding you.

"You... Get your hands off him."

Rei marched towards the girl as she successfully snatched you away from the girl.

"Rei-"

"Don't Rei me you scumbag!"

Her members finally caught up to her and was about to go to her when they hear her say

"DIDN'T YOU CAUSE ENOUGH DAMAGED TO HIM! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM HIM!! ISN'T BREAKING HIS HEART ENOUGH FOR YOU?!"

Giselle was silent as she knew that she was at fault. Rei hated her and probably even Mina at that. She knows how much damaged she cause and that guilt has been with her ever since then.

"Rei, It's not like that.."

"Then what?! Tell me!"

"Rei! Calm down."

Liz finally appeared infront of the girl as the rest of her members calmed Rei down. Yunjin went to Giselle and apologized on Rei's behalf.

"I'm so sorry Aeri Unnie."

"It's okay Yunjin. I understand Rei. What I did was unforgivable to her, to Jaeyoon and probably even to Mina...Can you please say this to Rei at least."

"Oh,uhhh of course."

"Please tell her I'm sorry."

Yunjin nodded as Giselle gave you and Rei one last look before she walked away from the scene.

"Wow, That's the first time I saw you legit angry."

Wonyoung said as Rei took in deep breaths before looking at you.

"Baka..."

You managed to open your eyes as what you were seeing were blurred and spinning pictures as this made you feel dizzy.

"Where... Am I..."

You said as this alarmed Rei as she immediately stared at you. You were confused at first as you couldn't see her at first.

"Oppa. It's me Rei, can you see?"

"R.. Rei?"

"Yes that's me-"

"The cute little sister of Mina? Of course I know you. You were very, very cute back then..."

You were spouting nonsense as your mind was in autopilot saying all what you remembered about Rei. Your sudden statement suprised everyone especially Rei who was red as a tomato. Yunjin and Geul were shocked by this as Liz and Leeseo both had a smirk on their faces.

"Yah, You're drunk Oppa. Come on. Let's go.”

"Where... Where we going Honey?"

The last word took everyone off aa Rei was frozen on her feet. Her face slowly turning red as she looked down in shame. she could feel the smriks and teasing stares her members were giving her as Rei thought

“This idiot...”

“Ughh..where am I-”

“So your finally awake huh?”

Rei’s familiar voice awoke you as you look to where the voice was coming from.

"R-Rei? How did I end up on your.. Bed?"

You found it comfortable how her bed engulfs your body making you sleepy once again.

Rei saw how your eyes were closing as she Couldn't help but chuckle at your cuteness.

"You're at our dorm Oppa. You were kinda wasted last night."

You gasped as you felt embarrassed by your action. It was embarrassing enough that you were drunk but for Rei to see your pathetic state only emberassed you further.

"Oh god what have I done.."

You covered your face with your hands covering your flustered face. Rei smiled softly as her hand touches yours as she wanted to see you closer.

You found it weird that Rei was shining infront of your eyes and was looking beautiful than ever.

"Oppa, why are you staring at me?"

She smiled brightly as you blushed and looked away avoiding her gaze.

"It's nothing.."

Rei chuckled sweetly as her lovely laugh sent a warm yet fuzzy feeling down your stomach making you feel happy.

"Oppa, you shouldn't be drinking a lot. You could have gotten into trouble if I didn't see you."

Rei clenched her fist in anger remembering seeing Giselle with you. Her blood bloid remembering how she broke you completely.

She still remembers how jealous she felt whenever you talk about Giselle with Mina and she wanted to just dissappear. But when news broke that they broke up, Rei was the happiest girl alive thinking she might finally have a chance with you but seeing you so devastate made her heart shatter into thousand pieces.

She promised herself that day that she will make sure that Giselle will never touch you again or even interact with you. And she did live out to that promise.

She made sure that Giselle has no opportunities to talk to you as Rei would go out of her way making sure she doesn't even breath the same air with you.

She though that by now, Giselle would give up on you yet seeing her close to you once again only provoked her even further.

"Sorry Rei, I just remembered Aeri all of a sudden then-"

"She what?"

"She appeared on the shop tired and broken I just. I can't bear seeing her hurt and all that."

"Oppa, do you still like her?"

Rei held your hands as her eyes stared into yours. She wasn't gonna hold back anymore, She wanted to know the truth. Now.

You saw your own reflection on her eyes and saw something that you once saw in the eyes of Giselle.

It was love.

"Rei, who's your first love?"

Rei was taken back by your sudden question as this time, she was the one feeling flustered.

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"Believe it or not my first love was your sister Mina."

She couldn't speak as she didn't expect this revelation that came out of nowhere.

"You liked Mina Unnie?"

A hint of sadness can be heard from her as you nodded your head.

"She was caring, always there for me, smiles brightly, makes me feel appriciated. Your sister have it all in what a girl I like."

"I-I see..."

Rei looked down as she didn't what to do. One part of her wanted to congratulate her older sister for being her crush first love. But one side also wanted to cry knowing that her older sister captivated you and she didn't.

It was painful enough that she lost to Giselle but hearing that her older sister was who he liked made it even sadder for her. She felt like there was no hope for her.

She did all she can in the game called love. She had enough bets to gamble and what did that result in? Failure and nothing in return. She lost more than what she can gain.

"Aeri made me feel those so when I found out that she was cheating on me, I was broken because I didn't expect that would happen to me. It was painful."

You held your fist holding back those painful memories to flood your thoughts.

"I thought I would never found it. I though my ideal girl was impossible to find. Yet.."

Rei's heart started to race faster as she saw how different his eyes looked compared to earlier. It was soft and dreamy, the look she dreamed of seeing from you.

"... I found it in you Rei."

Her cheeks flushed red.

Her heart raced so fast.

Her breathing stopped.

She felt like time stopped temporarily as both locked at each other's eyes.

"You were caring, you were almost with me looking out for me and cheering me whenever I feel down, your smile never lost it's warmth even after you achieved your dreams, and you make me proud seeing how far you have gotten."

"O-Oppa.."

"Rei, I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner. I'm sorry. All I asked for was with me from the start. I-I'm not worthy for you anymore Rei-"

And just like that, Rei shut you up with her warm soft lips. It tasted like caramel. A sweer sensation that you will forever remember.

Fireworks blew off as Rei locked her lips with yours. Both of your hearts were contented with each other as both pulled apart leaving a blushing mess.

"Baka, Who said I don't deserve you? I deserve you more than you deserve me Oppa."

"But-"

"No but's. You don't need to down yourself anymore cause I will give you the love you deserve. The love that will keep you moving forward. The love that will make you smiling. The love that will make you remember the name Rei."

Rei poked your nose as you chuckled at her. You pulled her closer to you giving her a warm hug as Rei hugged you back.

There was no doubt about it. You were sure about your choice as she was sure about you.

You were each other's only love.

#IVE #fluff #kpop fanfic #rei naoi #rei ive #fanfic

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megalony · 1 year

Text

Look at us- Part 7

sHere is the next part of my new Henry Cavill series, thank you all for the lovely feedback so far, I hope everyone is enjoying it so far.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez-blog @jonesyaddiction @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @hellsdragon @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh @onceuponadetectivedemigod @ceres27 @avyannadawn @dreaming-about-fanfictions @afro-hispwriter

Series taglist: @kingliam2019 @slytherinlyn314

Masterlist

Summary: After losing a baby a few months ago, (Y/n) is still suffering horrible back pains that she needs strong painkillers to manage. But she has to be okay and in control to look after her family and she knows she is relying too much on pills to gain back her life and control.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Y/n) didn't like this.

The room felt like it was on fire, the heat surrounding her was scolding and even when she breathed, she could feel heat radiating around her like she was sitting in the centre of the Earth.

She didn't know what time it was, she felt like she had been sleeping for hours and hours but the bright lights in the room made (Y/n) doubt whether it was late at night or not. This wasn't where she remembered she had been when she arrived. (Y/n) was ninety percent sure she had been down in A&E for quite a while, but this looked more like a room on a ward than the emergency room cubicles she had frequented often.

It took a few moments to realise she had an oxygen mask strapped to her nose and mouth, but as soon as (Y/n) realised what it was, her tired, groggy hands were moving to rip it away. She wasn't keeping that on when it was making her feel like she was suffocating.

A wave of sickness washed over (Y/n) when she tried to sit up but she did her best to ignore the feeling. Where was Henry? Was he with the kids, were they all okay?

She wanted to go home.

Draining the dregs from his coffee, Henry threw the cup in the bin and put his phone back in his pocket when he reached (Y/n)'s hospital room. The hospital food and drink was never anything Henry would have unless he was desperate and with it being nearly six in the morning, he needed some source of caffeine to keep him awake.

It had taken until eleven o'clock last night for (Y/n) to finally get the MRI she needed- which Henry had argued with a nurse about because they wouldn't put her on a ward until she had it meaning she had to stay sedated in A&E until they finally moved her.

It was past midnight by the time she was settled on a ward so Henry got a few hours of sleep after that before he decided to give up and just stay awake and wait until (Y/n) woke up.

Surprise flooded his face when he walked in the room and saw (Y/n) trying to sit up. Since she had been sedated earlier in the afternoon, she hadn't woken up. She'd stirred and mumbled a few times but other than that Henry had been watching her sleep and ringing his mum every few hours to check the kids were all alright. Mainly Jesse, he didn't settle well if he didn't have either (Y/n) or Henry with him and Henry knew Jesse hadn't slept last night without one of them being there.

"Hey baby, how do you feel?"

Henry sat back down in the armchair next to the bed and pulled it closer so he could reach (Y/n) but he found his smile dropping when he realised she looked panicked. the oxygen mask was hanging on the edge of the bed and she had thrown the cover away to try and move her legs off the bed but she seemed too groggy to get very far.

When (Y/n) reached for the IV on her hand, Henry was quick to grab her hands and pull them to his chest. He was going to have a struggle ahead of him.

"No, no baby you need that. Take a few deep breaths, calm down for me."

"Home... t-take me home."

A wave of sickness plundered through (Y/n)'s chest and made her throat tighten until breathing became hard. She rested her forehead against the back of Henry's hand which was surprisingly cold and soothing against her burning skin. She wanted to go home and lay in her own bed and have the kids with them and Henry's arms around her. This wasn't home, this was foreign and held horrid memories and (Y/n) didn't want to be here.

Sighing to himself, Henry kissed the back of (Y/n)'s head and leaned his cheek against her hair for a few moments. He didn't want to upset her and have her panic or get distressed but he couldn't lie or even dare to take her home right now. It wasn't an option.

"I can't take you home just yet, sweetheart. You're not well."

(Y/n) stayed laying on her side but pulled back so she could rest her head on the pillow and look up at Henry who leaned over to be as close as he could get.

"What time is it?"

"About six in the morning, you've been out for nearly twelve hours."

"What happened?" (Y/n) really dreaded asknig because she wasn't sure if she wanted the answer or not. She remembered being in horrid pain yesterday and then being sick, and flashes of memories of being in A&E came to mind, but that was it. She couldn't remember what she had said or what anyone had said to her last night, it felt as if her mind was clogged with water but then again that might be whatever medication they had put her on.

"You crushed some tramadol tablets yesterday, it made you overdose but they put some narcotics in your IV and kept you on oxygen and it's flushed you out. You had an MRI last night too, one of the vertebrae in your spine has come out of place, that's why you're in so much pain."

Henry had been surprised, relieved and infuriated all at once when the doctor came to talk to him after the MRI.

One of the bones in (Y/n)'s spine had come out of place and was pushing down on her spinal nerves which was causing her drastic pain levels. If she had been examined months ago and had scans before now it could have been sorted out with physio and some medication. But with how long it had taken, they needed to do surgery now to fix the issue.

(Y/n) had been kept in agony all this time because the GP couldn't be bothered to do his job and examine her or take her pain seriously. She had to overdose on medication to be taken seriously and examined. It was ridiculous and it made Henry's blood boil that this had to happen. (Y/n) could have been seriously worse off and something could have happened with the baby because she was neglected.

"S-so what do they do?"

She didn't mean to. (Y/n) didn't want to overdose. She couldn't remember taking the tablets but she knew for certain that she would never want to overdose even if her pain had been extreme. She had the kids to think about, she couldn't risk her health and make things worse for the kids by overdosing.

But it was a relief to have a reason behind her pain. It wasn't a figment of her imagination or something drawn from the grief of losing Lilah. This could have happened even if Lilah was carried to full-term and born healthy. It was a big weight from (Y/n)'s shoulders to know she didn't have to blame her grief for the pain she was feeling.

Henry held (Y/n)'s hands a little bit tighter and pressed them to his lips while he debated what to do.

If he told her how they had to fix the problem, he knew what would happen.

(Y/n) was going to try and leave or have a panic attack and want to go home and Henry would have to calm her down and make sure she didn't try and slip out the hospital.

And if he told her she was pregnant, it would make things a whole lot worse. He didn't know what her initial reaction was going to be, she might faint, she could go into a severe panic attack or break down or go into denial. But he knew for certain that she wouldn't want the operation to fix her back if she knew she was pregnant.

"The doctor said that since painkillers and rest haven't made it better, he needs to operate."

"No, Henry-"

"Sweetheart, please hear me out. You can't carry on like this, it won't get better without surgery. He said they need to take out a disc in your spine to relieve the pressure and fuse two vertebre together so it doesn't happen again and it will keep your spine strong. You need this operation."

Decompression surgery was what (Y/n) had to have and it was the next resort when painkillers and rest didn't work.

Doctor Warren had told Henry late last night that he couldn't put (Y/n) on painkillers with how she had been addicted to tramadol and wound up here. They should have helped but her vertebre wasn't going back into place on its own and the only way to fix it was surgery. They needed to take the pressure off her nerves and fuse the bones together so they wouldn't push out of place again and cause a repeat problem.

Henry couldn't let (Y/n) go home and not have the surgery because she was afraid. He understood her fears, (Y/n) hated operations and hospitals were plagued with Lilah's horrid birth and death.

But at the same time, Henry couldn't take (Y/n) home and go back to seeing her crippled with pain. It affected every part of her daily routine and her quality of life and it needed to change. Surgery was the better option than crippling pain and having to sleep in the armchair and be carried up and down the stairs. There was no choice to make, she needed this operation.

"No, Henry that's big surgery, I don't want to be here." A sob burned at the back of (Y/n)'s throat and her eyes welled with tears.

Surgery would make her more at risk for blood clots than she already was and the recovery time could be massive. (Y/n) was a mum, she couldn't be laid up in bed when she had the kids to feed and wash and take to school and Jesse couldn't be left alone even when he was playing in case he choked on a toy he tried to eat.

A cry passed (Y/n)'s lips before she sat up and grabbed at the back of her left hand where the IV tube was.

"No- sweetheart don't do that- if you take that out I'll call for the nurse I mean it." There was a warning tone in Henry's stern voice but (Y/n) couldn't force herself to take heed of what he was saying.

The small wire was pulled from her vein before Henry could stop her and it made a deep growl emminate from the back of his throat.

He scrunched up the bedsheet and pressed it against (Y/n)'s hand when blood started spurting out of her hand like a tap and he pressed the emergency button at the back of the bed. The IV was giving her fluids since she hadn't eaten or drank anything in over twenty four hours and it was giving her painkillers straight into her blood to keep the pain away in her back.

"She's taken her IV out."

Henry locked eyes with the young nurse he had seen do a few hourly checks on (Y/n) through the early morning.

Moving round, Henry gently sat (Y/n) up and sat down on the bed behind her with his arms around her chest. He pulled her to lay back into him and he held her good hand to her chest when the nurse took her blood-covered hand to fix it up.

(Y/n) didn't have the willpower to fight the nurse, and she couldn't do much when Henry was binding her to his chest with both his arms across her chest like barriers preventing her from moving. The nurse managed to get the tube straight back into the same vein and she wrapped a long bandage around her hand and up her wrist so she couldn't try and do it again without a lot of effort.

"Doctor said they're going to do the operation this morning so the anaesthesiologist is ready to come and prepare you for surgery. Is now a good time?"

"Sweetheart," Henry looked down at (Y/n) but all she did was curl up in his arms like she was trying to disappear. He knew she wasn't going to disagree because deep down, (Y/n) knew she couldn't carry on with this pain. They had been praying for a solution and this was it. "Now's fine."

"I'll go let them know."

When she was out the room, (Y/n) tilted her head to look behind her up at Henry. "I can't be stuck in bed for weeks to recover from spine surgery, I need to be up and able to look after the kids, you're on press tours soon."

"The doctor said you will be up and walking within a few days of surgery and I don't have to attend all of the tours. We can't afford not to have this surgery when you were keeled over in agony."

Silence enveloped them for a few minutes until Doctor Warren and an older lady they figured was the anaesthesiologist came into the room.

"How are you feeling, (Y/n)? It's nice to see you awake finally." The doctor stood towards the end of the bed and he looked vaguely familiar to (Y/n) but she didn't want to talk. If this needed to happen she wanted it all out the way and erased from her memory.

"Drowsy,"

"That's expected. Now, your scans showed one vertebre is very out of place but the surgery is quite simple. We will take out the disc below to make some room for your nerves so they aren't crushed, and then we will fuse the bad vertebre with the one below so it stays in place. The surgery shouldn't take more than two hours and you will be up and walking hopefully two days after surgery."

"What about recovery?" (Y/n) had to have a speedy recovery, she didn't do well on bed rest and she couldn't do that when they had three kids at home to care for. Henry couldn't do everything.

The kids needed taking to school, dinners cooked, the house clean and tidy. Jesse needed supervision, help being bathed, fed, and he liked being constantly active and entertained. He wouldn't sit in bed with (Y/n) for hours unless it was late at night.

"You can go home a few days after surgery and being active will help you recover. Just no heavy lifting and you need to take things slow and easy for about four weeks. With your risk of blood clots, you shouldn't be on bed rest you need to keep moving around little and often. It's a light surgery so recovery won't be too strenuous. And with-"

The look Henry suddenly gave the doctor made him hold his breath and clear his throat before he smiled.

Henry hadn't said anything about the baby yet, he couldn't risk distressing (Y/n) right now.

(Y/n) nodded, it didn't sound too bad. she was supposed to keep active and moving which would work well around the kids and if she could go home within a few days of surgery that was even better. She didn't want to be on bed rest it would only made her irritable and she couldn't handle people fussing and having to do things for her.

"Okay, if you have no questions I'll leave you with doctor Hastings to get prepped."

Why did it have to be now?

Couldn't (Y/n) have a little more time to prepare herself and try and build herself up to doing this? But then again, more time would only serve to make her more anxious and she would be more likely to want to leave and chicken out.

Operations weren't something (Y/n) liked. Anaesthesia never agreed with her and she always ended up feeling rough when she came out of it and it served to make her sick. There was always that worry as well that she might not wake up from the deep sleep it put her in or that something might go wrong. That was (Y/n)'s biggest worry, that a complication would happen and something would go wrong. And the thought of everything going black and her mind shutting down made her feel sick just to think about how deep her mind would sink.

"Okay, do you have any allergies?" Doctor Hastings was a slightly older woman whose attention was focusing on the clipboard in her hands.

"Penicillin." (Y/n) mumbled quietly before she turned her head to brush her face against Henry's bare arm and press a kiss against his skin.

(Y/n) found out the hard way she was allergic to penecillin. After getting an infection just after Brodie was born, she was given the antibiotic through her IV and Henry had almost fainted when (Y/n) suddenly went blue in the face and couldn't breathe. It had been one of the scariest things to happen to her, to suddenly become breathless and feel like her lungs were pierced and popped like balloons.

"Noted. Have you ever had a bad reaction to any anaesthesia before?"

"No," (Y/n) didn't like it but she'd never reacted badly to it, she was told feeling groggy and sick when waking from an operation was fairly normal.

"Hm, well you haven't eaten anything yet which is good, and yesterday's blood results look good. We'll take some more now just to be safe, then I think we should be fine to get you put under and sent up to theatre."

Oh God, she was really going for spinal surgery soon. It was happening, they were going to send her into the blackest, numbest, worst part of her mind for hours and just hope she would come back out unscathed.

A tremor shuddered through (Y/n)'s nerves and tingled in her blood when the doctor advanced towards her with a needle the size of her finger and two viles she got from a side drawer. (Y/n) didn't want her blood to be taken, she just said they took some yesterday which must have happened whilst she had been asleep. Shouldn't that be fine? Didn't they take enough when she was asleep?

Henry gently hummed against the top of (Y/n)'s head and brushed his hand up and down the side of her waist with his other hand holding her free hand to try and calm her down. He watched the doctor with a glare in his eye when she roughly grabbed (Y/n)'s wrist and yanked her arm out, shaking the limb until (Y/n) realised she needed to lock her elbow and keep her arm straight.

A whimper escaped her lips when the needle pushed up into the crease of her elbow and she shut her eyes tight, shrinking further into Henry's chest wishing she could disappear. Two little viles of blood seemed to take a lifetime to fill and (Y/n) felt lightheaded when the needle finally left her skin.

"Can you get off the bed please?" Her impatient eyes looked at Henry who sent a glare burning back her way but he complied either way.

With a kiss to the top of (Y/n)'s head, Henry slowly slid off the side of the bed and stood up, straightening out his back but he kept tight hold of (Y/n)'s hand.

"(Y/n), you need to lay down on your back." The doctor removed the pillows and threw them in the corner of the room before she busied herself searching below the bed for something. She fiddled around with the oxygen machine attached to the base of the bed and stood up with a tube in her hand which made (Y/n) shrink in on herself. She had seen them before, it was a tube that went down her throat to make sure she kept breathing and it pinned her tongue to the bottom of her mouth so she wasn't at risk of choking during the procedure.

(Y/n) prayed they wouldn't leave that in her throat when she woke up, it felt horrifying to wake up and choke on a tube that went right into her lungs. Usually they took it out and left her with an oxygen mask which was less frightening for someone coming out of a deep slumber.

"I feel sick," (Y/n) mumbled quietly, shrinking closer to her left towards Henry and away from the woman towering over her who looked more menacing by the second.

"You're fine, now lay down."

Shaking her head, (Y/n) felt a tear track down her cheek before she turned over and leaned over the bed, feeling her stomach churning. Henry was quick to grab the cardboard sick bucket, holding it in front of (Y/n) just as some water spewed from her lips. She hadn't eaten since dinnertime yesterday so she had nothing but a little water to throw up but it still burned the back of her throat nevertheless.

"You're gonna be fine, sweetheart, just lay down and when you wake up, you'll find me right here." Henry kneeled down and folded his arms on the edge of the bed, brushing a whisp of hair behind (Y/n)'s ear before he gently folded her hair up into the cap the doctor handed over to him.

He kissed (Y/n)'s temple, wishing her worries away before he helped her to lay down on her back. But (Y/n) continued to shake her head at him, unable to stop the tears from falling down her face or the murmurs from bubbling past her lips. Why couldn't she just fast forward time and skip to where she was awake and everything was fine and done with?

"Breathe this in deeply and you'll be asleep."

A gasp escaped (Y/n)'s lips when a mask was suddenly thrust over her mouth and bashed forcefully into the side of her nose. The action was so sudden and unexpected that she let out a scream and swatted at the hand trying to smother her. Last time they gave her an injection of anaesthetic to send her to sleep because she told them she didn't like the feel of the mask over her mouth.

Moving her head, (Y/n) shuddered and coiled her head down towards her chest with her arms over her face. She didn't want to do this, she didn't want to be knocked out and wake up with a stiff back that was going to take weeks to heal. But she didn't want to be in constant agony either.

"Right, I'll go and get some nurses to restrain her."

"No you fucking won't."

Henry's instant response was barked back at the woman with venom in his tone. His hands clenched at his sides like he was gearing up for a fight and his upper lip curled in disgust when the doctor huffed and frowned at him like he was wasting her time.

"If she's going to fight then I want her restrained."

She spoke as if she was talking about some sort of criminal or as if she didn't realise she was talking very rudely about Henry's wife. She clearly didn't realise how deeply his love for her ran through his veins and made his heart beat rapidly in his chest. No one was going to restrain her while he was around, no one was going to lay a hand on his wife. She was petrified and rightfully so, she didn't like hospitals or procedures and that was okay, she needed to be calmed down and treated like a human being with respect, not cruelty.

"You just try and I won't be responsible for my actions, I don't want you or anyone else laying a hand on my wife." Henry pointed his finger at the woman, just daring her to go ahead and see what he would do if she even attempted to restrain (Y/n). "Give me the mask. I'll calm her down and do it."

Reaching out his hand, Henry waited impatiently and snatched the face mask away from the woman before he bent his knees and crouched down beside (Y/n).

"Sweetheart, I'm here and I'll still be here when you open your eyes. Just take a few really deep breaths of this stuff and as soon as you know it, you'll be looking at me again, I promise. Do it for me, baby."

Henry slowly raked his fingers up and down (Y/n)'s neck and shoulder, slowly and sensually making patterns into her skin. He waited patiently until (Y/n) nodded and let him carefully place the mask over her mouth and nose. He took a deep breath, encouraging (Y/n) to copy him while his hand pressed to the back of her neck and his thumb brushed up and down her chin.

"Good girl," He kept the mask over her lips for a few extra seconds after she went limp before he stood up and handed it back over to the woman he now despised with good reason.

His arms folded over his chest and his foot started to tap anxiously against the floor whilst he watched the doctor open (Y/n)'s mouth and carefully insert the oxygen tube. She made sure it was taped in place before she moved (Y/n) to lay on her left side, ready for when they got her into theatre.

Thank you," She mumbled quietly, clipboard in hand as she turned around, about to go and get someone to transport (Y/n) to the theatre.

"Don't talk to my wife like that again."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"There look, mama's waking up." Turning his head, Henry gently bounced Jesse on his hip as he walked into the singular room, a smile on his lips when he looked over at (Y/n). He didn't know what was running through Jesse's head or if he had any understanding of where he was or what was going on but he guessed Jesse didn't know since he was very calm.

Henry couldn't leave him with his mother any longer, he was throwing tantrums, screaming, crying and launching toys everywhere. It was unsettling for him to be away from both parents for more than a day and even Brodie couldn't calm him down from his tantrums. So Henry went down while (Y/n) was in surgery and checked on the kids and decided to bring Jesse back to the hospital with him.

He knew Jesse wouldn't be too unsettled because he would be in a room with Henry waiting for (Y/n) to wake up so he would generally be rather at ease. He had a stuffed dog toy in his arms and a chew toy hanging on string around his neck and a beaker of juice on standby.

"Mama, mama. Mama." A few mushed up sounds followed but a smile worked its way onto Jesse's lips as Henry sat down on the seat next to the bed and put Jesse on his lap.

He had taken to pace up and down the corridor when (Y/n) finally woke up so doctor Warren could assess her and make sure she was okay and not in any pain and no paralysis.

"Hi, baby." (Y/n)'s voice was hoarse and her throat felt like it had been butchered from the oxygen tube but she still smiled at her little boy who was smiling back with a streak of drool hanging from his lower lip. His brown curls flopped about his head and sitting there on Henry's knee, he looked like the younger version of his dad.

"You feeling alright?" Henry gently leaned over and sat Jesse down on the floor so he could play and Henry could move a bit closer to (Y/n) and take hold of her hand.

"Rough."

"Hm, I'm not surprised," A small tight-lipped smile worked its way onto Henry's face and he looked down at their entwined hands for a few seconds. "So, I have to talk to you about something but if you're not feeling great or you just want to sleep, it can wait."

"What's wrong?" (Y/n) leaned up a bit straighter against the many pillows she had been given to ease her back. Her hand reached out and brushed against his cleanly shaven jaw as worry flooded her eyes.

He didn't look panicked or upset or like something had just happened or gone drastically wrong which eased a few nerves in (Y/n)'s stomach. But the way he worded that and his tone of voice set something off inside of her. What did he want to talk about? Was it the kids, had something happened while they had been here in hospital? Had something happened during her operation that the doctor didn't tell her about?

"You were having bad stomach pains yesterday when we arrived so the doctor did an examination and a scan to check you over."

"Baby you're worrying me,"

"You're pregnant."

Henry had never seen so many emotions wash over her face in such a little amount of time. He had never witnessed her eyes flash with horror, confusion, love, joy and terror like that before. Her eyes seemed to light up and then dim completely. Her mouth twitched and moved and tremored, unsure whether to smile, laugh, cry or scream.

She seemed to decide on choking out a cry instead.

"H-how far along are we?" (Y/n) brushed her shaking hand beneath her eyes to catch her fallen tears that were building up so badly that she could barely see Henry.

"Fourteen weeks, give or take. I know we had a small talk about wanting a baby, are you... okay, about this?" They had a few brief talks but nothing big or substancial and now they didn't really have much of a choice because it had happened already.

(Y/n) didn't know what she was thinking, or what she was supposed to say. She wanted a baby, in fact, she was desperate for a baby. But she didn't want to lost another baby. She didn't want to wait around in agony and give birth and hold her baby for two hours and then give her away to be buried and forgotten.

She wanted a baby she could bring home and cherish and kiss and feed and cuddle and shower with love.

"We're having a baby." The way (Y/n)'s lips curled up into a smile made a weight lift from Henry's chest and he let out a breathless chuckle.

Standing up, he towered over her and cupped his hand around the back of her neck so he could bring their foreheads together. He took a moment to relish in the close contact and brought his other hand up to cradle her cheek, smiling when he felt her hands coming up to rest on his chest. He kissed her like she was his oxygen he was trying to devour. Their lips meshed together and (Y/n) could taste the coffee on his tongue and his cold lips felt heavenly against her flush skin.

"We're having a baby."

#henry cavill #henry cavill imagine #henry x reader #henry cavill fluff #imagine #pregnancy #pregnant! reader #look at us

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poetrylesbian · 6 months

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not to be a bummer but i need to rant about this to someone and what better someone than this blog

i am very sad lately and it is mostly because my grandpa is not well and i don't know how long he has left. a year ago i was living with him and he was pretty good, occasionally forgetful sometimes but ultimately himself. but i haven't seen him in a month or two and now ive found out he's had a lot of problems and was actually keeping it from everyone.

backstory is that this is my paternal grandfather and even though my parents got divorced 20 years ago he's always stayed close with my mum, and ever since dad moved overseas my mum has insisted on being very present in his life even more because she's lowkey pissed that dad went and moved overseas when he had sick elderly parents. which was driven home 5 years ago when my granny died. so basically my parents do not get on and barely interact now that their kids are adults but my dad's entire family still gets on with and cares about my mum and vice versa.

so yeah. a month ago my mum visited my grandpa to pick up something of mine from him place bc i was in melbourne and she was worried because he seemed to be thinner and less himself. usually he always invites her in for coffee but he didn't. it was weird.

she texted my dad (even though she hates to lol) and dad asked my grandpa and basically we found out he'd spent some time in hospital and told NOBODY, not even his son who still lives in brisbane, and gotten a pacemaker put in.

basically fast forward to now and he has been in hospital since sunday. my mum was having trouble finding out what happened bc she's obvs not the next of kin and my uncle, who is, is not a great communicator (just like most of the men in this fucking family lol) and was not super clear.

basically, he's had a few falls. the most recent one I think he fell over and hit his head. and it must have been very bad, because he is not well at all. mum and my brother and i went and visited him two days ago and it was like he had dementia. he kept thinking he was back in england. at this point we didn't know why he'd gone to hospital in the first place so we asked him and he said he got a taxi to the airport and took a plane. he asked us about our flight because he thought we had flown to england to visit him. he was worried about losing his permanent residency in australia. he also kept forgetting my granny, his wife, had died five years ago. it was horrible. he said he'd called my dad and he hadn't picked up, then he said he'd called her and she hadn't picked up. at one point when i went to find my brother who had just arrived, apparently my mum asked him if he remembered what had happened to granny and he got upset and said he didn't, and cried. i dont think any of us have ever seen him cry. my mum explained what happened and he thanked her for telling him, because his oldest son (my dad, mum's ex, we don't think he remembered his name) wouldn't have told him that. then ten minutes later he'd forgotten and mentioned granny visiting again.

he also had to ask my brother all about his apprenticeship (poor tom came straight from his job at the quarry and was covered head to toe in dust from fixing a rock crusher) even though of course he should know all about it

he's also very very weak and not eating. when he left he kept trying to stand up to see is off but he couldn't get out of his chair and we had to ask him to stop trying in case he fell again.

but he did have his sense of humour. he was making jokes. there were moments of lucidity. but mostly he was confused and it just made me feel so helpless.

i know things like this are normal when people get older. he's 82. i get it. but it's not something that happened gradually - last time i saw him was only couple of months ago and this is so bad, so suddenly. it's not dementia.

and i feel awful. he's been living alone for the last five years, after spending 7 years caring for my granny 24/7. i am certain he was depressed but he'd never tell anyone. i can't stop thinking about all the times i told him id visit on the weekend and i fucking forgot because im so fucking forgetful. i cant stop thinking about how in 2019 he and my uncle and aunt were planning to rent a house with a granny flat or whatever for him and then covid happened and they basically used that as an excuse not to. and they left him alone, even when he'd had falls, even when he had to wear one of those emergency things around his neck that could detect when he fell and he had to fucking email my uncle every day after he showered to tell him he was alright.

anyway that's my rant.

i stayed in his house for 2 months last year and it was nice but i wanted to be closer to uni and my friends so i moved out when i should have just stayed and payed him rent and helped him and kept him company. and i should have visited way more often after i moved out in december and not fucking let my stupid stress get in the way of making him a priority.

oh also now my mum is telling me i need to beg my dad to visit earlier (he's supposed to be here dec 27) but i don't know! i tried to tell him how bad it was. but i don't know if he really got it.

#this can be summed up by my grandpa is not well and i am sad and guilty about it

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yearningandpatheticaboutit · 9 months

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CHAPTER 14: I CANT STAND THIS ANYMORE

wc: 6054

tags: violence, attempted s/a, smut, angst, drugs

a/n: this chapter might be triggering for some people, read at your own risk.

prev chapter

yaera

i havent been to one of these events since i was fifteen. that doesnt sound like a long time, but considering my sister was still alive then, it certainly felt like forever had passed.

the dress i was given is pretty at least. its black, has long sleeves and looks like it was designed for a sexy vampire. one good thing came out of this shitfest.

but the best part is, i can hide san's drugs within my outfit. im not stashing them in matching black purse because it'll get searched, but the tiny ziplock bags fit perfectly in my sleeves and boob area. this will truly be the riskiest thing ive ever done.

irina and the others even messaged me not to forget the stuff. im so focused on just getting that money the fear i had buried inside me hasnt completely resurfaced yet.

im staring at myself in the mirror, looking at my smokey eye make up. the black hair dye really gave me a morbid yet sexy aesthetic that im not bad about. if i could describe myself in two words, it would be exactly that, morbid and sexy.

the sexy part is what bothers me. i know there are people who would agree all too willingly with that. and its not my target audience.

my room door swings open and my mother walks in. theres a strange look on her face as she takes me in. we say nothing to each other for a few moments till she breaks the silence.

"bellisima," she says, almost under her breath. "we can really never go wrong with santo. he made you look like a princess, even if you look like you are going to a funeral."

my insides squirm at the mention of his name. i tried to ignore it, but the fear i felt in that bathroom is coming back full swing. im seeing him tonight. he'll be waiting for me.

"please don't do this again this year," i stiffly begged. "you need to find someone your own age Santo. I'm...I'm not the one."

santo cocks his head to the side and smirks. "and who told you that? who said you're not perfect for me?"

"i don't fucking want you," I hissed. his eyes widen slightly, more out of sick arousal instead of offense.

he advanced on me and i blinked, finding myself pressed against a stall. i whimpered and tried to wriggle out of his grip, but my arms were pinned to the side. oh my God, I'm going to be sick.

"but I want you, and you know that. so why don't you stop playing games," he whispered dangerously close to my ear. i shivered and my nausea kept tugging at my stomach.

"i'm your only chance at a respectable man. your parents already love me. so why don't you accept the love I have for you? you'll never find anyone like me, tesoro."

"i fucking hope so," i whispered, pinching my eyes closed. he moved his face infront of mine, hovering his lips over mine. I whined and wriggle, but he isn't fazed by my struggling.

"you're a big girl now, right?" he said lowly. "i think it's time you feel like a woman."

i snap out of that awful memory when my mother clicks her fingers infront of my face. "come on, hurry up! we are only waiting on you!"

i cant leave san's side tonight. no matter what.

when i get downstairs, my nearly feel the breath getting knocked out of me. he's standing there, looking more handsome than i've ever seen him. black hair slicked back, eyebrows done. the suit is sitting perfectly. its like he's the model here and not me. god i think im going to be sick.

he gives me a small smile but says nothing.

"doesn't she look perfect, amore mio?" my mother says to my father, who only gives an awkward smile of acknowledgement.

"the two of you can sit at the back of the limo. your mother and i will take the two front seats," my father says, then turns to san with a pointed finger. "dont get any ideas, boy. i know your headmaster personally."

san awkwardly laughs. "i would never, sir."

i try not to wonder how true that is. we pile into the limo and my parents keep looking at us through the rearview, making sure there's a significant gap between us. i look over to him and all the anger i felt before is just gone. i think im fucking whipped.

hes the most beautiful man ive ever seen.

"san..."

"you look really pretty," he tells me before i can say anything. saying that with the most expressionless face makes my face drop.

"oh-"

"i just wanted to say that. you really do."

i dont know what to say. the limo is dim so i dont know if he can see how flushed i feel. he leans forward and i think hes about to kiss me. i hope for it. i dont even care if my parents are nearby.

"where are you hiding the stuff?" he whispers. oh right, his drugs.

i show him my sleeves, how the pills are pressed finely between the folds. then i point to my bust. "others are in here," i say.

he chuckles lowly. "creative. you can give me some if you need more space."

if san gets caught with this my parents would end him. everything he worked to achieve would be gone in less than 2 days.

"i think i should keep it. just in case anything happens. you know, rich girl immunity."

san nods and leans back away from me, making me feel empty. "of course."

no words are exchanged between us for a few moments. so we're really going to pretend like the party didnt happen? did that mean it was never going to happen ever again. i dont want to sound desperate but my head is screeching for answers.

but i focus on what matters tonight. putting on a show. getting irina and the others their drugs and collecting payment. and most of all, escaping santo.

"san, can you do me a favour?" i ask.

he hesitates but nods anyway.

"dont leave my side tonight. please."

he rubs the back of his head nervously. "well, i am your date. and i dont know anyone else here."

god. he doesnt realize how bad i need him.thats the thing, i need him more than he needs me. i can never delete what i have on him. i never know when this will go sideways.

the party is at some hotel. when we get there, i can tell the reception is intimidating to san. the cameras, the flashing lights. the security. i grab his hand and he doesnt protest as we go inside. both of us get patted down by security guards, of course the drugs go undetected.

we go inside and the dinner set up is fancy as fuck. i look at san and i cant tell if hes forcing the coolness to not have a panic attack, but his face is blank. i spot irina and the others at a table and wave, my mother dragging us to a separate table with our name on it.

theres a stage with a massive projection screen, where a slideshow of the lingerie collection plays. i know at some point the pictures from the shoot will play out as well. im hoping to sneak off before then because i cant handle the embarrassment.

"so this is your life huh," san mutters next to me. i frown, his tone sounds disappointed.

"whats wrong?" i ask.

"nothing. just...i cant believe it sometimes."

hes been acting so weird. is he insecure? fuck i.dont even know where to start placing questions. my stomach sinks a little at his tone. i guess he'll never get it. he doesnt understand what im really running from. i doubt he ever will. that class disconnect will keep beating our ass.

to him, anything is better than being in a gang. i guess hes right. but that doesnt mean there arent things out there that would make you want to kill yourself. i would know.

santo walks out on the stage and everyone starts clapping like this is the oscars. "good evening everyone, buenos noches, buonasera, and everything else! welcome to the launch of the new Cosa Pericolosa brand. a brand distinct for its dangerous yet delicate beauty, made of the finest Italian lace and silk. i want to thank everyone for coming to celebrate and enjoy this milestone. there will be dancing and there will be a party, saluto!"

as soon as he gets off that stage, i see his face find my parents table. hes coming straight for us. i instantly grab san's hand under the table. he turns to me utterly confused, but i cant deal with that right now.

"mi famiglia!" santo loudly says and kisses my parents on the cheek. he gets to me and does the same, his kiss lingering on me longer than i wanted. i suppress a shiver. "tesoro, you look beautiful in the dress i picked! im so glad to see everyone here!"

"we could not have done it without you, santo!" my mother gushes. "you look so handsome!"

"ah, you are making me shy. it is really you people who are stealing the show, wait till you see how the pictures turned out!" he laughs obnoxiously, turning to smile at me.

"im so glad you are here, tesoro. it is good to finally have you back. your sister would be proud of you."

"thank you, santo." i force a smile. when really i want to scream. dont fucking bring her up, i want to scream it. but i force a stupid, docile smile. fuck if this night goes on for any longer, i might end up doing these drugs myself.

"hold on, who is this," santo finally acknowledges san. he holds out his hand to him. "i am santo falcone. but you can call me santo, you are?"

"that is yaera's date," my mother chimes in as san awkwardly takes his hand. "san choi. he is a classmate."

"oh," santo's smile tightens and he glances at me. "just a classmate?"

my father forces a laugh. "of course. do you know me? she can meet someone when it is time to get married."

santo grips san's hand for an uncomfortable amount of time till he ends up needing to rip it away. "nice to meet you, san choi. excuse me, i will return to you all. i have to greet the other guests and then have them run the music. you all enjoy the night."

he leaves, giving me a weird look before going. is he fucking jealous? does he seriously think he owns me? i dont know how my sister worked with him. hes so fucking creepy and somehow that never came up between us.

irina and the others arrive at our table next, greeting my parents with hugs and kisses. "can we steal yaera for a second? she looks so gorgeous!" claire says, gushing.

"no really, i want to rip that dress off you!" anya says. my mother rolls her eyes and laughs.

"please girls, bring her back in one piece for the show." my mother says. a smirk i know to be devious grows on irina's lips.

"oh we will, dont worry, mrs marino."

im so happy to get up from that table. san grabs my dress and looks up like a lost kid. "where are you going? dont leave me by myself here," he says under his breath.

awww hes so awkward. "ill be right back. dont miss me too much."

his eyes are desperate and his smile is so forced its hilarious. "youre really going to leave me with your parents?"

"dont worry she'll be back!" anya tells him, noticing him holding my dress. "your boyfriend is so clingy, yaera."

i can tell san is trying not to murder her with his glare. not more can be said because im whisked away. we end up in the bathrooms that look like something out of the louvre. anya and claire start taking mirror selfies while irina starts putting the money down on the sink.

"all of it is here, you can count it yourself. now where are the stuff?" she says. i start unrolling my sleeves, taking four of the bags out, getting the other five from my boobs.

anya and claire quickly come scrambling. "oh god, finally!" claire says. "we've been waiting so long."

"is it really that good?" i wonder, their relief is crazy to see. "better than what you already do?"

"alone its okay. but together with what we already do? a fucking trip to the skies," irina shakes her head with a smile. "ive never been so glad to know you, marino."

mixing drugs. that doesnt sound smart. but what do i know? im not the addict.

i smile and take the money, folding it back into my boobs. "youre welcome. and you know if you need more, where to call me."

"of course. and you better answer."

"your boyfriend is so fucking hot yaera," anya says with a sigh. "hes literally gorgeous. where did you find him?"

"careful, you cougar. you cant be talking about an 18 year old like that," i joke.

"im not even twenty three shut the fuck up!" she shoves at my shoulder.

"so he is your boyfriend?" claire smiles. the three of them coo like children when i start blushing.

"im getting there guys," i say. "hopefully soon."

"what do his parents do? he looks like a model himself." claire says.

"you know this is yaera, hes probably crazy as fuck. like the last one, what was his name?" irina chimes in with a snort. "i bet this one is the reason she has drugs in the first place."

i scowl at her. shes right but i hate that she read me so easily. "bitch, just enjoy my services. goddamn it you people are nosy."

she raises an eyebrow. "am i right though?"

i roll my eyes and start to leave, saluting on my way out. "im getting back now to my date now, goodbye ladies."

luckily when i get out, theres music playing and people are on the floor. san is sitting alone by the table, taking random sips out of a champagne glass. im so excited. i actually got money back for us. i throw my hands onto his shoulders and smile widely, unable to hold my excitement.

"so guess who collected their first payment?"

san's eyes widen. "all the money there?"

"every last note. so i think to celebrate we should dance."

san frowns and cringes. "i dont dance. im fine here."

i roll my eyes and grab his hand, pulling him up with a hard tug. "is it a sin for you to do ANYTHING fun? the music is playing and we have something to celebrate, come on."

he sighs and gives in with a lame smile. "fine."

i lead him to the dancefloor, swinging my arms around his neck. san's hands drop to my lowerback as we sway and i cant ignore the happiness bubbling in my brain. i cant stop smiling.

"you seem really happy," he notes. "you're getting a big head from your first payment huh?"

"of course. its just what i needed to prove myself to you. that i can pull my weight and that im not just some liability."

"i never said that-"

"yes you did san. many times." i remind him, and his cheeks flush from.embarrassment. "i can even quote you on it if you want?"

"please dont," he chuckles under his breath. "fine, i guess you can pull your weight."

his dimples are piercing through. i stare at him mesmerized and i cant even hide it. i bet if i was a cartoon in this very moment, i'd be having stars in my eyes.

"you're perfect, you know that?" i say without thinking.

san's eyes widen, then darken in seconds. "what?" his voice is just barely together.

"i want to kiss you again," i admit. "i think its all i'll want for a really long time."

i lightly stroke his cheeks, seeing them go rosey. this is all i have. the only thing that shows me that i do affect him.

his eyes dart down to my lips and i shrink the distance between us, till we're just barely a centimeter apart.

"i dont want you to think about it," i tell him. "just do whatever you want in the moment. thats all that matters."

"yaera..." he gulps, then takes a step back. "i-i dont know about this. lets just...this isnt good. for either of us."

"says who?" i scoff.

"says me. you and i should just stay business partners. strictly business. anything else wont end well for either of us."

hearing that makes my heart shatter and my stomach drop. fuck i can feel my eyes filling with water. i try to choke.it down but i know its obvious.

"so you're just gonna.pretend we never kissed at that party?" i lay down my arms from his neck. "youre just going to pretend that never happened?"

san stops dancing and gives me a curt nod. "i think its best we do. we both know i just represent something to you. something forbidden. thats why you want me right? because im someone you cant have."

i laugh bitterly. "i cant fucking believe you."

i feel a tear drop. san sees it and frowns. "yaera wait-"

i swat his hands away from me. "you are such a fucking dick."

i get off the dancefloor and run somewhere. i dont know where. im just walking, looking for a place to break down and sob. god this is so embarrassing. im so fucking pathetic.

i stop infront of a random room and twist the door handle. its unlocked, thank god. i go inside and fall onto the bed, my chest instantly getting wrecked. i start sobbing horrifically, unable to believe how awful i feel right now.

whats wrong with me. what is legitimately wrong with me. why was he so cold? am i not pretty enough for him or something? this cant just be about the business. i refuse to believe it. and even if it is, why do i feel so worthless?

everytime jongho has rejected me and made me feel like nothing but a stupid slut flashes infront of me. the feeling stabs me like a knife.

that must be it. thats probably what he sees me as. a stupid, desperate evil slut. all i do is throw myself at him. even at that party, i couldnt wait to be all over him. im pathetic. and desperate. i should just die.

my gloves are soaked. i cant believe how much im crying. maybe i should go back to therapy. maybe i wasnt coping as well as i thought i was.

i look up into the mirror stand, seeing my make up absolutely ruined. my entire face is red, and my hair is sticking to my soaked cheeks. i look like shit.

suddenly i remember why i stayed away from men in the first place. because im too fucking sensitive. my mood depends on them. my self worth is a reflection of how much they like me. they control whether i feel emotional highs and emotional lows.

i start laughing at myself. i cant believe i got myself into this kind of fuckery again.

the door opens suddenly, making me jolt. santo comes in and closes the door behind him, smiling tightly. i jerk up and start stumbling back, backing myself into a wall to be far away from him.

"what are you doing here?" i ask, my voice shaking.

"i saw you dancing with that...child," he slowly laughs, his tone sounding bitter. "you have no business being with someone like him, tesoro."

"santo-"

"do you know how fucking sick i felt?" he snaps, stalking like a dangerous animal. "seeing you with him? while you wear the dress i picked out for you?"

being alone was a mistake. i try to dart for the door but he grabs me and picks me up, covering my mouth with his hand. he throws me onto the bed, forcing his bodyweight on top of me. im frozen, i cant move. every karate class ive taken, all my knowledge on hurting someone just vanishes. hes on top of me and i cant move.

im sobbing again. he presses his finger to my lip, hushing me.

"i should be the only one who takes this dress off you tonight," he whispers. he starts lowering the top, leaving the top of my chest exposed. "dont cry, tesoro, you'll feel so much better after. ive been waiting for this for so long..."

"no please, santo," i beg through my tears. "please just leave me alone. please just-"

theres a few knocks on the door. "yaera, is that you? can i come in?"

that's san's voice. santo clamps his palm over my lips again and i scream.through them. its muffled. i start struggling and kicking but he wont get off me. he forces his hand harder. "fucking stop," he growls at me.

the door swings open anyway. san barges in and santo quickly jumps off me, suddenly on the other side of the room. san looks between us, frozen in his feet.

"what, did anyone say you could fucking come in?" santo screams. san stays staring between us, his face absolutely blank. santo scoffs and adjusts his suit jacket before storming out and slamming the door.

i sit up on the bed, looking at san through blurry eyes. i cant even find my voice. i cant even deal with what just happened.

"did he try..." san trails off, shaking his head at me. he rushes to sit down next to me. i cant help it, as soon as he wraps his arms around me i start bawling again.

"i cant fucking breathe. san please i just want to get away from here. please can we just leave."

he softly rubs the side of my head as he holds my face in his chest. "lets go. we'll go away from here. far away from.here. anywhere."

***

san

i dont even know where to start.

yaera and i ordered an uber from the hotel, disappearing with the permission of her father, saying she felt sick and she needed to go home. they werent happy but yaera's distraught face convinced them. they have no idea what the fuck happened tonight. they were sitting with that same guy that night.

hell, i dont even know what happened. but i could put two and two together.

yaera and i havent said a word to each other. shes passed out on my chest all the way to my apartment. i have to carry her on the way in. i have to put her down on her feet when its time to go into my apartment, and she hangs on my arm the entire time.

"you sure you fine with this?" i ask her. she nods wordlessly.

i let her inside, and she makes her way to my bed where she falls hopelessly. i go and sit down beside her, not knowing what to say. i dont know any words that can fix what happened tonight.

i know so much about her, but tonight...it made me realize i know nothing.

"this isnt the first time it happened," she says, her voice low and defeated. "the first time he did it...i was fifteen. he touched the inside of my thigh in a dressing room and kept trying it till i never went back. i never told my parents...or my sister."

i dont say anything. i let her speak.

"he told me he would never let me go. that he was in love with me. he tried so many times. at my own house. and everytime i would end up in the hospital...my parents would blame me. they would say that i was acting out. i didnt know how to tell them. they treated santo better me and my sister. hes a saint to them."

i feel my head heating up. a rich prick predator piece of shit. he deserves to disappear. he deserves to fucking rot.

i bet miss A could make a bastard like him disappear really quickly.

i take her hand and gently rub my thumb over her knuckles. i feel terrible. the only reason he was able to follow her was because of me.

"so thats why you asked me to not leave your side," i realized. "so you wouldnt be alone with him."

"he gets jealous of every man who comes near me," yaera's tears leak onto my pillow. "i thought if he saw you...he would really leave me alone this time. but it just...it made him more aggressive. he tried to..."

i pull her up and bring her into another hug, gripping her tightly. it felt like if i let her go that i'd never hold her again. that feeling terrifies me. i hate it so much.

"i'll never let him hurt you again," i swear. "i'll fucking kill him. just say the word and i will."

"i want him off my skin, san," she tells me pleadingly. "i dont want to feel him ever again. i want to scratch my skin off and be clean. i want to feel clean again."

"you arent dirty, yaera. hes the fucking filthy one for putting his hands on you," i hold her face in my hands. shes delicate, like porcelain. her eyes, that are usually so menacing and careless are filled with sadness. "youre perfect. you dont deserve that, dont for a second blame yourself. you're perfect, do you hear me?"

"if im so perfect then why dont you want me?" she whimpers. my blood runs cold. fuck how can she hit me with such a heavy loaded question.

theres no point in lying anymore. this is the last situation where i can lie.

"im scared," i admit. "im scared of you. and this. and everything. ive never had something like this, ive never had someone this close to me. i dont know how to handle it. ive been alone for so long i dont know how to let anyone be near me. i never let myself have anything. i always let go."

"please let me be there," she whispers in a tone i cant refuse. "please dont let me go. let yourself have this. let yourself have me."

my chest hurts. this night isnt going at all how i thought it would. its too much. i dont know what to say to yaera. i find my eyes feeling heavy. she takes my face in her hands again and i know she wants to kiss me. fuck it, this is the worst time. but at this point, there isnt ever a right time.

i go in for it and kiss her first. her lips are soft and velvety, and she melts against mine instantly. we start to lose our softness, with yaera pulling me closer and closer. its like she wants to take all the oxygen out of me. her kiss is hard, like a cry for help, like im all the air she'll ever need.

she breaks the kiss and drags her lips down my neck, making me shudder. yaera makes her way onto my lap and i dont fight it, her legs wrapping around me tightly as her dress rides up her thighs.

the kisses turn hot and i feel my brain losing sense. this wont end here, i know it. i want to stop it. i drag my willpower from the floor to break our kiss and she stares at me, frowning with swollen lips.

"is this really a good time?" i ask seriously. "you're really emotionally vulnerable right now. after what happened tonight, do you really think-"

"san," she interrupts me, pressing another kiss to my lips. "my life has been one big emotional fucked up moment, i want to forget. i want to have this, im so fucking dead inside. i want to feel alive again."

she stops showering me with warm pecks and looks me dead in the eye. "will you give me that?"

i hold her face again. my chest feels warm thinking about how no one sees her like this. her pain. but she trusts me enough. she lets me see it.

"i'll give you whatever you want tonight. i promise."

those words were all she needed. yaera slides her hands over my chest, pushing the suit jacket off. her hands move fast, flicking open every button till my chest is bare.

she presses her lips to mine again, her fingers tugging at my hair. i moan at the pull, surprising myself and her. she breaks the kiss and smiles down at me.

"i could get used to that sound," she teases. something stirs in me. she's so hot.

i move my hands to the back of her dress, finding the zipper. i dont break eye contact, and her smile only grows as the dress starts falling apart on her.

i slowly drag my lips down her neck, and she lets out a shiver. i fight my smile and continue to leave hot, soft kisses down her shoulder, moving down to her barely hidden cleavage. yaera harshly pulls the dress down, having rolls of money fall out and exposing her chest.

***

yaera

san stares at me after my boobs stare at him. there's a dazed look in his eyes that disappears once he lowers his mouth onto my one boob and grabs a hand full of the other.

i throw my head back, lost in a cloud after feeling his warm mouth. he starts sucking and massaging, rolling circles over my nipple. this is heaven. or something close to it definetely.

i feel my thighs tightening, warmth seeping down from my lower stomach. i try to stifle my moans, my mouth just barely gasping. he looks up at me, pausing on his motion. "you dont have to hold back. i told you i'll give you anything you want tonight," he whispers.

i hold his face with both my hands, feeling like i could cum from just staring into his eyes. "i only want you," i admit direly. i'll take anything he gives me. "but rubbing on you would be nice too."

he leans back, making me yearn. "okay, open wider."

hearing those words just makes me hotter. i get up from his lap and completely remove my dress, both of us just ignoring all the money on the floor. san's eyes hang on my every movement. im in nothing but black lace, and i dont waste time in throwing myself on his lap again, legs parted and ready.

he brings his lips to mine again, both softly and yet completely taking them as his own. his hand slips between my thighs, slowly trailing up like hes carressing fragile ceramics. i shiver as he gets closer to me, his hand finally slipping onto the base of me. he drags his thumb down my clothed folds, wrapping his arm around my waist to pull me closer.

i try to focus on kissing him, dragging my teeth down to his neck. i lose myself when he starts rubbing me with both fingers, feeling that jolt of warmth coursing through me.

my mouth is parted as my face is buried in his neck, pathetic whimpers pumping out of me. san starts going in circles, right in the perfect spot. i do myself the favour and move the fabric to the side, his warm fingers completely melting inside me as he pumps them in and out.

i know im doomed when i hear myself squelching. his rhythm is perfect, not too slow and not too fast, just enough for me to completely feel him and fade cloudily. i feel my high coming, my thighs starting to tense and my grip on him tightening. i start to kiss him frantically, till san keeps pushing his fingers faster. i feel like a hot coil, going and going till before i know it, im dripping all over his fingers.

i collapse onto his lap and he slowly drags them out, and i hear him prop them into mouth. i look at him with an accomplished smile on my face, shaking my head.

"you sick fuck, did you just taste me?"

san shrugs with a small smile on his face. "yeah, can you blame me?"

i cant contain myself, i kiss him again. i dont even feel close to done. "let me do something for you now?" i say against his lips.

"mmm mmm," san shakes his head, gently gripping my waist. "i just want you to feel good. do you?"

i nod. "i feel better than ever. but really, you dont want anything?"

he lets out a heavy sigh. "i didnt want to tell you this, but you feeling things makes me...feel things."

oh he just became ten times hotter.

i realize it now, while sitting so close to him, i can feel his massive boner poking me through his pants. i smirk to myself, getting an idea.

"oh no, you have that look on your face again," san mutters, moving my hair back. "what are you thinking?"

"readjust your friend. so i can sit on him."

san goes quiet, but i can feel him pulsing underneath me. its sensation is sending me into fucking heat all over again.

"i dont think we should go too far," he says. "dont get me wrong, i want to. i really do. but i dont think you're feeling hundred percent...after everything."

my smirk drops. i dont want to think of him. not right now. not while i have san's hands all over me. but i guess its not a good look if i do just jump his bones after everything that happened.

he holds my face in his hands and squeezes after i say nothing. "and dont think its because you're not pretty or anything. seriously, i dont know why you would even say that."

i shrug. my black and white state of thinking has never really helped me.

san picks up a pillow up and tosses it against the wall. "come on, lets fall asleep. we can talk again in the morning."

"okay," i mutter. i dont know what else to say. i get off him and and crawl into his bed. san follows after, his hot skin completely blanketing me as he puts his arm over my body and draws me against him.

"are you gonna act like nothing happened tomorrow again?" i ask.

silence.

"no. stop worrying."

his curt words dont register in my brain, because he places a warm kiss on my shoulder. it doesnt take me long to completely drift to sleep.

***

wooyoung

wooyoung knows he fucked up. he knows its all fucked up, he just doesnt know when he's going to tell san about it.

miss A is looking at him with cold eyes, he cant even utter a word because of the fear inside him. seonghwa is sprawled out on a broken couch, horrific burns all over him. hes barely alive, but he had it in him enough to tell everyone about what went down at the warehouse.

"changbin is dead, you know this right?" miss A tells him.

"yes, ma'am," he utters pathetically.

"so you know what you and lucky have to do."

he knows he cant stay a bitch in this gang for long. he knows its going to get real. petty stuff is all wooyoung is used to. extortion, scamming people. when he watched yunho die, a fear he thought was so far away just flashed infront of his eyes. he knew he'd come to be on the other end someday.

"you find that man...and you bring me his hand. or else, i'll have yours."

***

A/N: pls this chapter was a mess im sorry and it took forever to write , the next will be better 😭😭😭😭

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