#and it’s ALSO okay to recognize that you’re a sexy badass bitch | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fekst-fucker · 4 years

Note

Uh Jeff, Ben, Masky, hoodie, Ej, habit, and Jason with a s/o who has insecurities and kinda doubts if they love them-

If I catch u being insecure… come into the dms for a pick me up, I love you guys 💖🔫👀

Jeff

- He’s so offended lmfao

- He keeps going on about how “I, a total babe, would not choose just anyone to date and love wholeheartedly. You must be equally, if not more sexy- check- and I must be madly in love with you. Also check. What the fuck am I missing”

- He’s kinda aggressive about it, but in a very supporting and endearing way. Think the “I love you, bitch!! I ain’t ever gonna stop loving you, bitch!!” vine

- But in all seriousness, he does stuff to convince you he loves you. Brings you little teddy bears, non-stop cuddles, tries to make you cookies or something sweet. Emphasis on tries

Ben

- He literally doesn’t understand where any of this is coming from

- Not in a bad way! He’s just not a very insecure person, so he doesn’t really get people being insecure about… anything

- He sits you down and lists the facts very bluntly. You are very pretty. I am in love with you. You make me laugh. I like giving you hugs because your body feels nice in my arms. Why do you think I don’t love you

- It’s kind of ridiculous, and you end up laughing in the end, with him giving you lots of kisses all over your fave and promising not to let you get insecure again

Masky

- He can tell something has been wrong recently, but he doesn’t really know what it is

- He’s definitely one to take initiative and sit you down to talk about it- he likes sitting on the mansion’s wrap around porch with a hot cup of coffee and you curled underneath his arm

- It’s much easier to open up, for some reason. With nobody else listening, the hot coffee or cocoa, and the cold air, it just feels like a camping weekend getaway

- He’s good at opening up to you about any insecurities he has, too. You’re both human, and this is a time to really connect and realize that even with fears or insecurities, you’re there for each other

Hoodie

- He can see why this could happen, especially since he doesn’t talk much and never really takes his mask off. He still feels soul-crushing guilt about it, through

- He has one thing he knows he can show you- a photo album, full of pictures of you, some of them with you and him together. He really didn’t want you to see it, since he took some photos without you knowing, but it’s the most genuine thing he could think to show you

- Is it a little scary? Maybe. Is it really cute that he somehow got markers and stickers and put them all around pictures of you like a little scrapbook? Yes

- Even after you laugh and thank him, he excitedly sits you down in his lap and points out all his favorite things about you in each picture. You can’t help but feel better by the end of it

- Hm. He is. You’re gonna have to sit down with him and tell him what you’re feeling

- He’s not super great with distinguishing emotions. He can smell something is wrong, but he can’t quite tell what. He doesn’t like bothering you, he trusts you to come to him if you need help

- When you finally do, and tell him you’re a little worried that he might not really love you, he’s like “me??? Not really love YOU?? I was afraid YOU might not like ME!”

- This devolves into a very long heart-to-heart, with you cuddled in his arms and his chin resting on your head. He likes having these talks with you, it clears the air and to you both feel very relieved afterwards

Habit

- He’s a lot like Jeff, with his “I am a powerful ass demon, and you think I’m just gonna settle? Nah, fuck that, I’m with you because you are perfect, because you designed for me, because I love you, yadda yadda”

- Sir, I am a human person, not a kitchen display you saw at Lowe’s

- He’s really good at making you feel better in a pinch. You don’t know what it is, just something about the way he looks you up and down with a little grin and says “still look good to me” just makes you swoon every time

- Even if he’s busy during the day, he makes the time to casually tell you how much he genuinely appreciates you. He has to do it causally, bc being upfront about it might mean losing his coolness 🙄

Jason

- He’s also very confused. His whole thing is that he’s possessive and jealous and protective of you

- When you bring this up to him as he’s drinking his morning tea or coffee, he gives you a quizzical look and says “darling, I’ve murdered the last three men who have looked at you. What do you mean, you don’t really know if I like you?”

- Jason does know one thing that can make most people feel better, and that is- shopping spree! Or making you a fun new piece. Whenever you’re feeling a little down or insecure he always, without fail, is like “let’s go find you something you’ll feel hot as fuck in”

- He’s also very found of hand-written love letters, with the wax seal and little decorative flower and all. It’s so extra, but the effort and love that went into it really helped to reassure you

72 notes · View notes

yourwitchmama · 5 years

Text

The History and True Nature of Witchcraft

This post might piss a lot of people off, but I can’t help but give you an accurate picture of what witchcraft actually is after seeing falsities time and time again... I am kind of nervous to share this, but here is the history of witchcraft:Shamanism.That’s where it started.Without shamanism, there is no witchcraft. The idea of white British witchcraft as many think of it today (Wicca) is a remnant of Celtic spiritual traditions. But the whole Harry Potter “wave a wand and make potions” kind of magic is bordering on fantasy.It’s rooted in shamanic principles which involve animism, (the belief that objects, places, and creatures all possess a distinct spiritual essence.Potentially, animism perceives all things—animals, plants, rocks, rivers, weather systems, human handiwork and perhaps even words—as animated and alive.)spirit working, and an extremely Buddhist concept of “we are all connected and everything is alive, there is no distinction between us and the rest of the universe.” Buddhism and shamanic thought are identical. The only difference is the shamanic concept of spirit working. In traditional cultures a “bad shaman”(someone who used spirit working/magic for selfish and harmful reasons, like cursing people)Was killed or banished because of what was to be thought of pious and impious at the time. The idea of an evil, cursing witch didn’t start with the witch hunts in Europe.“Bad witches” have ALWAYS been thrown out of society because they prove to be irresponsible, disrespectful and dangerous.The idea of a badass aesthetic witch who curses her ex-boyfriend and sacrifices cats to Baphomet is actually a Christian one.It’s witch hunt-era Catholic propaganda.So when people ascribe to that image,they’re ascribing to something that only existed in witch hunter’s pornographic fantasies.It’s not real. The whole “satanic witch” thing is a Christian invention.I get so sick of those kinds of witches because what they’re practicing is a dualistic, Christian-created pseudo-witchcraft that was never actually practiced.People don’t want witchcraft to be shamanism,and they don’t want to have that squishy Buddhist “we are all connected” mentality because it’s not dark and edgy enough, but that’s what real witchcraft is.In fact, the whole idea of “witchcraft” is a misogynistic one. It’s used to describe a woman who isn’t docile or subservient to men.If you’re an independent woman with solitary spiritual beliefs and a LOT of knowledge (about nature, spirits, medicine, women’s bodies, etc) you’re branded as “bad” and “ungodly” That’s where the term “witch” came from. It was actually first used by the Inquisition.The whole idea that intelligent, knowledgeable, autonomous women are bad and scary “witches” is a misogynistic ideology.Witches DO include things like darkness and death and decay and disease in their practice, but it’s with the knowledge that everything is connected, sacred, and has its place. The problem is, with dualistic Catholic doctrine evolving into modern western culture, we’ve fetishized death. Death is now something scary, morbid, and edgy. Same with darkness, nighttime, etc. those are all remnants of Inquisition-era witch hunters. Because those things are associated with women. So likeDeath and darkness and all that ARE witchy things. But in a much nicer, sacred way. Not in an “oooh skulls are so scary uwu I’m gonna drink blood and be a demon lol” kind of way. Do you know how Buddhists and Hindus do things like meditate in graveyards to contemplate impermanence?It’s like that. But no one wants it to be like that because that’s not nearly as thrilling and edgy and morbid. Like, most people want witchcraft to be the Catholic version of witchcraft when in reality it is MUCH more similar to Buddhism.Witchcraft is practiced all over the world too,EVERY culture has their version of a witch/shaman, and so there are lots of different cultural variants with nearly identical philosophies. If you visited a Mongolian wise woman, you wouldn’t be like “ooh she curses her ex-husband and celebrates Samhain by partying in graveyards”Like, no, bitch. The Mongolian wise woman is NOT like that. Why?Because that image is a Catholic one. It’s propaganda. The same would be true if you visited an African Orisha priestess,a South American curandera (I can't spell it omg), a Siberian shaman, or a voodoo priestess. There’s a book called “Grandmothers Counsel the World” and it’s a book about like 13 different wise women and shamans from all over the world who come together because all of their cultures had the same prophecy about world peace.You can see how each of these grandmothers are shamans.And even though they come from all over the world, their beliefs are almost identical.The West has a really skewed view of witchcraft because we WANT it to be fetishized into something edgy and sexy and cool, when in reality that’s all a fantasy made up by the Inquisition. You can still wear black and like dark and edgy things, but when you forget what witchcraft IS and you forget the roots or the spiritual component, you’re not really practicing something real. That’s why when people ask me how to get started with witchcraft, I recommend books on shamanism and cultural differences in witchcraft all over the world. It’s important to know WHY witchcraft works and HOW to do it before you jump in and think that your sage is gonna protect you but you don’t know why or how to treat the sage with respect Like, ok, I swear I’m almost done ranting,But the entire premise of witchcraft is that you’re someone with a lot of knowledge. In most cultures, their word for “witch” translates to “one who knows” or “one with knowledge”. At its core, witchcraft is about being well-informed and knowledgeable—about the wisdom of nature, medicines, science, and spirits. Armed with knowledge, an independent woman is scary to a lot of people. She’s opinionated and can make good, educated decisions. The problem is, when modern witches do things like worship “the Goddess” or smudge with sage and stuff, a lot of them don’t say why. Who is the goddess? Why are you worshipping her? Who is she to you? If you just decide to worship a goddess without knowledge of spirits, you’re just blindly following a religion without questioning it. That’s the opposite of witchcraft. Witchcraft encourages direct revelation, meaning you learn from personal experience. If you don’t listen to your intuition or allow yourself to challenge your perceptions, willing to grow and change as new information comes along, you’re just following a pattern of confirmation bias.Witchcraft is scary because there is no cushy, comfortable assurance that you’re 100% correct about everything. You’re constantly being challenged, broken apart, and changed so that you can grow. It’s no coincidence that all the shamanic gods and spirits are also spirits of death, change, and transformation. When you think about it, the universe is in constant flux. Nothing is static. Everything is always changing. If witchcraft is about attuning yourself to nature, then you’re destroying the idea of permanence and attuning to the constant changes of the universe. That’s a potentially scary path. But it’s the most liberating and potentially enlightening. THAT’S what witchcraft is. Its recognizing that the universe isn’t predictable or always safe, and learning to attune yourself to that with the trust that it’s going to benefit you rather than hurt you. You have to be willing to change whenever change is necessary, to grow into a new person when it’s time. People who identify as witches should not incorporate their personal fashion and art into their actual witchcraft. It is okay to create an aesthetically pleasing altar/blog/bedroom but the whole wearing a witch hat and actually believing that what you are doing is actually witchcraft is not real. Again, what they’re practicing is a dualistic, Christian-created pseudo-witchcraft that was never actually practiced. You can separate your artistic expressive self and your witchcraft. It is not only embarrassing to the witches who want to be a part of this culture because it is plain wrong, but it is also enforcing the Catholic Church's propaganda.Again, I am not saying fashion and aesthetic is bad. I am saying SOME witches think that the creepy edgy thing is real witchcraft, and they spread a false message to baby witches who need to be guided by a witch who knows their stuff. I am not sure what kind of energies that would bring into your craft.

#witchcraft #witch #witchblr #witchy #green witch #baby witch #witch tips #advice #history of witchcraft #crystal healing #esoteric #aesthetic

1K notes · View notes

miraculousmidnightreviews · 5 years

Text

There will definitely be an explanation for my review of reputation

Album: reputation

Artist: Taylor Swift Rating: 5/5 stars

I would first like to preface this review with one fact: reputation is my favorite album by Taylor Swift. It should be noted that I did not rate this album based on the average of each individual song rating. (If I did, the actual album rating would be 4.5 stars.) But I felt that this album deserved more. So much more.

What I admire most about reputation is its honest introspectiveness. I think it’s safe to say that no one predicted this album to be The Next Taylor Swift Album. The lead single is distinctly not like previous Swift singles, providing an unexpectedly darker side to Swift. And the album cover is devoid of Swift’s usual bright or pastel colors. Yet what people brushed off as a risky and failed move designed to turn around Swift’s career, her reputation, became the most truthful album of her discography.

At this point, whether you’re a fan of Swift or not, you can’t doubt her abilities. She knows how to create chart-topping hits; she knows how to pen heart-wrenching ballads; she’s done it before. And she’ll continue to do so for the rest of her career. But reputation was never meant to be the next 1989, the next record-breaking financial success (although it was to some extent). This album was meant to be something else entirely: an admittedly risky exploration that only Swift could pull off.

And I respect that immensely. This album is honest, and it’s brave. It might not be her most sonically cohesive or lyrically complex album, but it wins anyways. I love that the songs are in chronological order as they pertain to Swift’s life, and while that means it can be hard to listen to the songs without skipping around, the album itself is a journey through Swift’s year of solitude, through her mind space and blossoming relationship, through her life away from the eyes of the public and the media. To me, it’s clear Swift wrote reputation not because she needed to stick to her schedule of releasing an album every other year, but because she just needed to cope with events in her life. I appreciate that maybe even more than the honesty: that Swift wrote this album because she needed it; she wrote it for herself and no one else.

In anticipation of Lover coming out on Aug. 23, I will be reviewing each of Swift’s albums up until the forthcoming album’s release. I can’t wait to listen to new TS music, and I hope these reviews will provide a wistful and refreshing glance at past eras as we look forward to a brand new one.

Continue reading below for my review of each individual song.

1) ...Ready For it?

Rating: 4/5 stars

*clears throat*

At first listen, I was unsure of the mix of rap and singing. But it’s now one of the songs from this album that I play when I’m in That Mood™.

Did I mention Taylor raps?!?

The pre-chorus is so “Wildest Dreams”-esque that I can’t. I just can’t. (Also, sexy!)

That Elizabeth Taylor reference!!! I love it when artists make pop culture references in their works. It gives me a dopamine rush.

As always, it’s nice to hear Swift play with the perception of herself. She’s just so great at turning her reputation as portrayed by the media into a clever and witty line or song.

i’M So vERy TAme nOW (Sarcasm on point. She did that.)

2) End Game (feat. Future & Ed Sheeran)

4/5 stars

Taylor raps! Pt. 2

BIG REPUTATION

I love the features on this one, and I’m very surprised by Future. But that’s Taylor Swift, keeping us on our toes.

This song includes the first of many references to alcohol from this album. A first for Swift, but all those who are surprised need to grow the fuck up. Because Swift certainly did.

Also, notice “End Game” has the first mention of gold, a motif that will continue throughout the album.

3) I Did Something Bad

Rating: 5/5 stars

Probably my favorite song from this album. The live performance was also my favorite of hers.

badass vibes all the way

IF A MAN TALKS SHIT THEN I OWE HIM NOTHING

I am absolutely in love with the feminist-y witch metaphor in the bridge. Iconic.

Also cool that Swift was inspired by Game of Thrones for this and other songs from this album.

4) Don’t Blame Me

Rating: 5/5 stars

All the gospel feels

TAKE ME TO CHURCH, TAYLOR!!!

THAT high note

Once again, the honesty

5) Delicate

Rating: 5/5 stars

When the album first came out, this was the song that I immediately played the most and connected to. I just adore how she was able to take these universal feelings and put them into a song that anyone just starting a relationship can relate to.

The music video is so underrated. It’s so cute and happy and I just love it and her so much.

1 2 3, LET’S GO BITCH!!!!!!

The repetition of “isn’t it?” to reflect anxiety is, once again, an example of Swift’s lyrical genius.

6) Look What You Made Me Do

Rating: 4/5 stars

YOU’LL ALL GET YOURS

A lot of people did not like this song when it first came out and some still don’t. I happen to like it a lot. While the chorus is not my favorite, the verses bite with amazing zingers and that’s what hooks me.

I think when everyone first heard this song, we assumed the rest of the album would sound similarly: dark and filled with vengeance. But with the exception of a few songs, I would consider reputation to be one of Swift’s happiest albums. There are certainly dark overtones, but at its heart, reputation is an album about love and acceptance in the aftermath of Swift’s metaphorical death. If you consider 1989 for comparison, the composition of its songs (and even the album cover) present a romantic and hopeful facade, when actually, many songs have depressing lyrics about the fate of romantic relationships.

The bridge is so reminiscent of the bridge from Blank Space in a way. They give me similar vibes, except LWYMMD’s is the follow-up to that of Blank Space.

This song has one of my favorite music videos ever. I love when artists tell stories through their music videos, and Swift never fails at storytelling. (Also, a fantastic lyric video!)

7) So It Goes…

Rating: 2.5/5 stars

I feel like this song embodies what everyone expected from this album at first glance: dark, techno pop.

This one doesn’t really do much for me, but I enjoy the extended metaphor of the magician.

Too much techno, in my opinion.

But sexyyy—“scratches down your back”

8) Gorgeous

Rating: 3.5/5 stars

This song gives me old Taylor vibes, just with a new production.

“Gorgeous” does such an excellent job at conveying the thoughts and feelings surrounding first attraction between two people.

“I guess I’ll just stumble on home to my cats.” Relatable.

Give the original lyrics a listen from Swift’s the making of a song video. They’re heartbreaking.

9) Getaway Car

Rating: 5/5 stars

Now this bitch is DEFINITELY old Taylor storytelling at its finest.

That Tale of Two Cities reference!

THat BRidGE!!!

“And a circus ain’t a love story. And now we’re both sorry.”

Just the complexity of feelings portrayed in this song is utter perfection.

Bonnie & Clyde!!!

This is one of those classic Taylor songs that you turn all the way up while driving down the highway at 70 miles per hour, screaming at the top of your lungs. GO GO GO!!

(not that I’ve ever done that. I follow all speed limits :))

10) King of My Heart

Rating: 4.5/5 stars

The only reason this song doesn’t get 5 stars is because I could have done without the added production (less techno plz).

The beginning always gets me. This and “Call it What You Want” have the saddest beginning lines on the album.

Overall, this is just cute af. Pure fluff.

“jAguARs”

The drums on tour were a wonderful bonus.

Also, the bridge. Swift writes some damn good bridges on this album and just in general.

11) Dancing With Our Hands Tied

Rating: 2.5/5 stars

This song, like “So it Goes…,” doesn’t really do much for me, even though it seems to be a fan favorite. I really preferred the acoustic version of this that she played on tour.

But I appreciate the versatility of her song topics as well as her voice.

12) Dress

Rating: 5/5 stars

First reaction while listening to this song: OMG TAYLOR!!! sexyyyyyy

Her voice *heart eyes*

The pre-chorus is so much fun to sing!!!

“I’m spilling wine in the bathtub” gives me high school party vibes for some reason lol

13) This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Rating: 4/5 stars

I really love everything about this song, except for the chorus. It just wasn’t as fun to sing along to as the rest of the song. (Although purposefully making it sound childish was an effective way to get her point across).

That Gatsby reference!

love Love LOVE the tongue-in-cheek attitude

She missed the parties :(

14) Call It What You Want

Rating: 5/5 stars

so soft & pure

A recovery song is what we really deserve. I love that Taylot took this time for herself.

My heart just bursts when I hear this song.

That feminist bridge tho—a mature and fulfilling continuation of “Love Story” in a way

15) New Year’s Day

5/5 stars

Bittersweet—the perfect closing song to this album

This song perfectly showcases Swift’s heartachingly beautiful songwriting talent.

“please don’t ever become stranger whose laugh I recognize anywhere” really gets me.

With this conclusive song, I can say that Taylor Swift is truly happy and okay. And I’m so proud.

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this review! Check out other reviews here!

19 notes · View notes

seenashwrite · 7 years

Text

Nash’s 200th Follower Celebration Challenge!

Get your spy gear ready.

We’re gonna take inspiration from Archer, y’all.

I haven’t personally seen this used in a challenge [at least in my circle]. It is so full of potential, from snark to sexy times to knock-your-socks-off shock. Even if you aren’t familiar with the source, the prompts are so very tasty, I can’t imagine each & every writer won’t find at least ONE to gobble up.

*** 120 Prompts! So just one writer apiece *** ---> YOU KNOW WHAT?? SCREW IT! Send me THREE!!!!

But! There’s a challenging bonus at the bottom [#121] with NO LIMIT TO THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WHO WANT TO TRY IT!

I’d recommend just a “scene” versus an entire fic, or tack it on to your actual entry in a weird prologue or epilogue, something of that ilk. It’s nuts. I’m not overselling the nuttiness, here. Weave some magic. EXAMPLE

Full guidelines at the bottom.

THE ONES THAT TOTALLY COULDA BEEN IN AN SPN EPISODE:

1. "Team Live Badass"? That's the best you could come up with?

2. Oh, I thought we were laughing at the dead people we set on fire. @wrenwritesometimes

3. AHHHH! The dust! It's like being shot in the eyes by a glitter gun!

4. Oh, you don't look like a whore... an idiot, maybe? Or both! Yes! A whore-diot! @jalove-wecallhimdean

5. --- What is this herpes business? --- Bad joke... and a false alarm. @itswitchcraft-not-googlemaps

6. Wanna try yanking on the pipe?

7. You ass, for the love of all that's green, take me and the rabbit to the lettuce store! @wrenwritesometimes

8. Eat a buffet of dicks. @hannahindie

9. --- And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go kill some evil clowns. --- [long awkward pause] --- Do you have an erection?

10. You're just gonna leave him with a grenade stuck up his ass?

11. It would be rude not to eat her pie, which I assume is not only hot, but also moist... although hopefully not flaky.

12. Nothing can make up for almost killing me over a briefcase of what I can only assume is either plutonium or a human soul.

13. Oh don't worry. He may be a vain, selfish, lying, and quite possibly alcoholic man-whore, but gambling is one vice he doesn't have. @fanforfanatic

14. I want it on record that I think this is a terrible plan.

15. They say the devil's in the details... and silk pajamas.

SNARK-A-PALOOZA:

16. All I've had today is, like, six gummy bears and some scotch. @wrenwritesometimes

17. For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God. Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now and at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen. @butiaintgonnaloveem

18. --- Every single time we come here, we have to help you get rid of a dead body. --- Well, you've only been here twice. @senselesssamii

19. Swear to god, you people make me want to pump nerve gas through the vents. @impalaimagining

20. Why is your instinctive response to run toward explosions? @impandagrl

21. On second thought, I very much prefer to be taken alive. Just let me clear the ol' browser history aaaand...

22. Is it murder if they were my own clones? I'm seriously asking. @littlegreenplasticsoldier

23. I've always wanted to fight on top of a moving train. @amanda-teaches

24. I've never seen an ocelot! You guys, look at its little spots! Look at its tufted ears!

25. If this doesn't work, we just paid a hundred bucks for liquid fart.

26. Oh my god - I'm gonna die in a toilet stall, just like the gypsy woman said!

27. I swear, if you throw that computer on the floor one more time, you’ll wake up in a mental ward with total amnesia under someone else’s name! @idreamofhazel

28. You just killed, like, ten pirates.

29. -- Grilled cheese. -- What? -- Grill me a cheese. -- I'm not grilling you a cheese. ME!

30. The Russians turned me into the unholy abomination of metal fused with flesh that now stands before you.

31. --- I swear, if anyone saw me in this awful van... --- How could they, with this illegal-ass window tint? Dude, this van is like, rolling probable cause.

32. Not really the explosive climax I thought it was gonna be.

33. There's a zoo here?

34. What in the name of pre-paid venereal disease do you think you're doing?!

35. Are you not rampaging? I thought you were rampaging. ---> AVAILABLE AGAIN!!!!

36. Hundred people surveyed, number one answer's still on the board: Name the douchebag who's in charge! @roxy-davenport

37. Why would you think it's okay to share that?

38. You do realize there's a finite supply of Vaseline in the universe.

39. --- So then it's settled. We're a-go on Operation... what should we call it? --- Dick Sledge.

40. I saved her life! Go ask that dick I set on fire!

41. You want me to take a baby to a murder? @impalaimagining

42. You do realize you're in huge trouble - and now I have to spend my first Friday off in forever devising some bizarre punishment for you? ---> AVAILABLE AGAIN!

43. Have you no sense of decency? That bathroom’s like a… a war crime.

44. Hey, you awake? ‘Cause this is about to get weird. @klaineaholic

45. That's disgusting - if I wanted to look at your bare feet, I'd sneak in and do it while you were asleep.

46. Better pill up - you're assisting with the surgery.

47. --- Frickin' head's poundin', I'm sweatin' booze and my mouth's killin' me! --- You're the one who stuffed four pool balls in it.

48. Holy shit, you geeks are badass. @uselessace

49. You're ruining your life, you idiot! And making it hard to drop a deuce.

50. Right, because you walked into Strippers’ Discount Warehouse and said, “Help me showcase my intellect". @butiaintgonnaloveem

51. I've had good results with Ether.

52. Hey, will you choke me a little bit? @littlegreenplasticsoldier

53. That stolen lemur bit one of your prostitutes right in the face and she says she can't go to the hospital because she's, quote, "tripping balls”.

54. --- Jeez, you're still taping bum fights?! --- No, now I'm into something... darker.

55. That is my foot in your face - smell the embarrassment.

56. Oh! And, uh, by the way, try not to be unconscious for too long - it's super bad for you. @withstarryeyes

57. Both of you imagine shutting up! @uselessace

58. Idiots doing idiot things, because they’re idiots.

59. --- Please tell me that's a smoke grenade. --- Okay... it's not, though. ----> AVAILABLE AGAIN!!!!! :)

60. Sorry - I was picturing Whore Island. @kayteonline

61. Somebody smells like they ate the ass-end out of a northbound cow.

62. I don't know... sometimes I think I'd like to adopt a little baby... so I could abandon it at a mall.

63. Well, he died doing what he loved - getting shot. @withstarryeyes

64. Baby, I was emotionally shattered - which turns out to be kind of a panty-dropper. @hannahindie

65. Now what am I going to spread on my toast? Your tears?

66. Sorry, that’s just a, uh, sympathy boner. @pinknerdpanda

67. Holy shit! Yogurt is amazing! Why have I never tried yogurt?! @littlegreenplasticsoldier

68. Seriously, call Kenny Loggins - 'cause you're in the DANGER ZONE. @kayteonline

69. I’m afraid the lemur got into the pudding cups.

70. I'm sorry, are you addressing me? Because your authority is not recognized in Fort Kickass. @kittenofdoomage

71. Does internet porn know you're cheating on it? @klaineaholic

72. No, it's too dirty - it's full of whatever alligators shit out, which I can only assume is people.

73. Oh my god! What shade is that? Crack whore red?!

74. Man, if I don't get some spaghetti and meatballs, I may literally die.

75. You used-panty vending sons of bitches!

76. Thank you both for all that you did do which, again, was nothing. @pinknerdpanda

77. Damn, dog! That’s inappropes!

78. If a single one of these has left the building, I will personally sew you into a canvas bag full of rats and throw that bag into the river. @littlegreenplasticsoldier

79. Who do I have to murder around here to get this damn thing to make some ice? ----> AVAILABLE AGAIN!!!! :)

80. I'm sorry, what's that? I can't hear you over the sound of my deafening awesomeness. @amanda-teaches

81. Don’t try to body-shame me, dog tits.

82. Is it just me, or does it smell like finger?

83. Ahahaha, man, you never rent a mule - ya lease that surly bastard.

84. When we first started going out, I may have... injected a tracking device into your body. @fanforfanatic

85. And I don't want another one of your sullen whores using my medicine cabinet like a Pez dispenser.

86. Because I've been lying in scorpion piss for two hours in the sun-blasted shit-hole which is Texas, waiting for a stupid truck.

87. If I cared about what you do on the weekend, I'd stick a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes. ME!

88. Punk-ass bitches! ----> AVAILABLE AGAIN!!!! :)

89. And instead of doing my job, I was here - half-drunk and having amazing sex.

90. Well, no wonder this all went tits-up.

91. Right? And I know it sounds crazy, but I like them as much as cocaine!

92. Next time, remind me to get shot in the head. ME!

93. You were the one yapping your head off about my damn teacup pig!

94. Who wants their ass beat first? And before you decide, keep in mind that I'm gradually going to get more tired, but also gradually more Berserker.

95. So you're not planning to blindfold me and hide me in a bomb shelter with limited oxygen and send my family cryptic notes about how to find me in a race against time for my life?

DEFINITELY CLASSY:

96. Who are you supposed to be, Topper Bottoms? Stern yet sensual skipper of the U.S.S. Rough Service?

97. You better pray to god it wasn't you who hit me. Because whoever it was hits like a little bitch of a girl, who was born with some kind of bitch of a birth defect, so that instead of a fist, she just has this tiny bitch of a nubbin.

98. I don't care! Having said that, would you please come into this dirty toilet stall and have sex with me?

99. Because you - prolapsed rectum that you are - are infatuated with her, whose cobwebby old snooch, by the way, I can smell from here! @butiaintgonnaloveem

100. --- The thought of me dying gives you an erection? --- Just half of one - the other half would have missed you. @kayteonline

101. I swear to god, you could drown a toddler in my panties right now. ME!

102. Stop - my penis can only get so erect. ME!

103. Can you not rub your dick in my mother's pantyhose, please?

104. --- Oh my god! You killed a hooker! --- Call girl! She was a---- --- No, when they're dead, they're just hookers!

105. Vincent Van Go-fuck-yourself.

106. Okay, we're off to get our scrotums waxed!

107. --- Well, maybe you're lame! --- Maybe you should shut your dick holster.

108. You’re a large-diameter dickhole.

109. First, see if he wants a beej...

110. Water? Oh, never touched the stuff. Fish fuck in it. @kayteonline

111. --- Oh god, it tastes worse than it smells! --- Man, if I had a nickel for every time I heard a guy say that.

112. Who, me?! No! No, I've been up here the whole time, having some phone sex! Just jackin' it, on the telephone. @fandommaniacx

113. I am literally wet with jealousy. @klaineaholic

114. Why does this chair have no seat... and WHAT IS IN HIS ASS?! And unless it was the creepy-old-people-bondage-sex police, why would anyone break in here and shoot him?!

115. Because I have sex with actual women! My girlfriend's not equal parts the internet, a tube of Kentucky jelly, self-loathing, and a sock. @hannahindie

116. And what part of your job, exactly, is groping my ass? @wideawakeandwriting

117. --- Maybe you should've thought about that before you blew it! --- I blew jack shit! --- Name-dropper.

118. After this, I am going to go home, watch NCIS, and masturbate until my fingers bleed. @itswitchcraft-not-googlemaps

119. --- Was that before or after you got caught fondling a teenager? --- Well, obviously before - after, it was all French Armed Forces and dick stitches.

120. You can't put a price on good pussy. @wideawakeandwriting

AND IF YOU ARE UP TO THE CHALLENGE:

121. No no no no - Like, a big, sweaty fireman carries you out of a burning building, lays you on the sidewalk and you think – Yeah, okay, he's gonna give me mouth-to-mouth – but instead he just starts choking the shit out of you, and the last sensation that you feel before you die is he’s squeezing your throat so hard that a big wet blob of drool drips off his teeth, and just – flurp – falls right onto your popped-out eyeball.

Bravery incarnate(s): @kittenofdoomage @fanforfanatic @uselessace @butiaintgonnaloveem

1. Supernatural only, please-and-thank-you [adjacent is fine, too - such as having O.C.s carry the bulk of the dialogue weight because we’re seeing the story through their eyes while, say, being hunters working with S & D or Jody & Donna or whatever your heart desires]

2. Pick your faves & any back-ups [and if you’re gonna take a run at #121] ---> shoot ‘em to me at DEAR NASH & I’ll hit you back with a confirmation

3. Write & post your thing ---> don’t forget to tag me somewhere & use this in your first handful of tags: #Nash200

4. Have it in between June 11th - June 17th [about 6 weeks from original posting] ---> TAKE TIL JULY! SOUND GOOD???? ;)

5. Definitely Do: the “theme” you are most comfortable with / feel you write the best / have the most fun on - these prompts lend themselves to snark and/or sexy times, but lord knows y’all angst-devotees will find a way [that’s fine, too!]

6. Hard Pass: dom/sub; “kinks”; alpha/beta/omega; Wincest/any incest; real person fic [no Jensen/Jared/Misha/etc.]

7. Length can be anywhere from haiku to vignette to... well, keep it around the max length that you’d want to read if it were your challenge, ‘k? And don’t you dare spend more than a weekend on it - if it becomes laborious for you, holler at me, we’ll find you another prompt or you can drop out, no worries.

PS: If you wanna stick Archer characters into the mix? Bring. It. On.

PPS: Walls of text & bulk of text not behind “read more” = An Unhappy Nash + An Unhappy Dash

P3S: And because it’s my party, if Dean is in your story and he calls someone “Sweetheart” ? If it isn’t in a jerk-face, patronizing manner, I’m gonna foam at the mouth

THANK YOU for coming along with me on this ever-evolving funtastic SPN fandom ride! -Nash.

#supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfic #SPN Meets Archer #Archer Meets SPN #Nash200 #SeeNashWrite's 200th Follower Celebration

71 notes · View notes