#and maybe pass out in the process

[alsoyooraiyah]

laying here alternating between om thoughts and genshin thoughts and wishing so bad that i can just make this all appear in comic form like its nothing

#will take a mutual’s suggestion to just write it all like a script instead of prose and ngl #i think i’ll do it tonight #and maybe pass out in the process #since it’s also probs the easiest way to get ideas down when i cant just quickly try to lay down panels #cannot believe i have reasons to trudge though what i dont like abt om nb but ughhh #the part of brain that loves putting dola in situations latched onto an idea and wont let go

[jellydragons]

tetra is having a Day

#my posts #my art #the legend of zelda #wind waker #tloz #tloz wind waker #tloz ww #wind waker fanart #like imagine you break through a window cool as to save your sorta bestie #only oops oh no some dude the size of a mountain wearing a bathrobe has you by the neck and is saying some wild stuff about whatever #and you very reasonably pass out on account of the being strangled #next thing you know you wake up on your sorta bestie’s talking (!) boat not dead which is a definite plus #but also UNDER THE LITERAL ACTUAL OCEAN. OKAY. #so the talking (!!) boat is like ‘go find the whatever’ so your sorta bestie takes you on a quick jaunt through this MASSIVE building #like this thing is bigger than windfall island and just under the ocean?? this whole time apparently?? #anyway so it’s pretty chill you go down into the basement there’s some sweet statues and then a dude in ANOTHER bathrobe appears #yada yada says some stuff turns out the talking (!!!) boat was actual the ghost of some long dead rando who’s like a king ig and THEN #HE FIDDLES WITH YOUR MUM’S TRIANGLE NECKLACE AND SUDDENLY YOU’RE IN SOME MUSTY DRESS WITH MORE LACE THAN SENSE AND ALSO A PRINCESS?? #which. okay. take a second to process THAT mess and huh if you’re a princess and the dead boat dude is a king wouldn’t that mean- AUGH #this takes place over like maybe 5 hours including the time you were Passed Out On Account Of The Strangulation #AND THEN YOU GET LOCKED IN THE BASEMENT LIKE???? #anyways tetra should’ve systematically smashed every stained glass window in the place. she deserved it for having the Worst Day Of Her Life

[sergle]

since I'm just speaking into the open air abt my reduction recovery, I'll do that again some more today--- I AM SO SO VERY TIRED. my pain levels are pretty okay!! I'm keeping up on my pain meds also, but I'm just taking the basic, otc stuff. the pill guzzling is Real though. they've got me on fuckin. 7 diff types of non-optional pills. (optional being the ones to treat pain). I've got muscle relaxers but I'm not really dipping into them.

anyway, once again, I'm not high on the pain scale. but the EXHAUSTION. I'm dizzy so much of the time. I slept for 12 hours and then still felt tired all day. I've been informed I'm ghostly white, like a little dying victorian boy. body's obviously clocking some hours here.

#I'm also really really fucking thirsty. #the INCISIONS. near my underarm are PISSING ME OFF #those ones are really making themselves known #I'm doing my best to take care of my incisions and put The Cream on them like I was told #but I think doing it 2x daily is a pipe dream #the process of changing my dressings and applying the cream takes so long and is so taxing #and the last time I did it I almost passed out #I think once a day is maybe more realistic #sergle.txt

[featherymainffins]

Me:

Still me:

A part of me nobody has ever heard of and whose thought processes are an enigma: Maybe I would fuck the new DBD killer

#dbd #dead by daylight #dbd the unknown #dbd unknown #like hello??? me??? what the hell??? #actually i get the thought process it's because people on Reddit were like 'Finally! Maybe people WONT smash this one' #and i was like 'How funny would it be to ruin that?' #like no you don't get it i need to do it for the bit. please. it'd be so funny. but like a lot of us think that because #i see people bang out the 'monsterfucker permit' reaction image in like every comment section #like we're all brave troops doing this for the bit. it's needed. it's my duty. i am nothing but god's silliest jester. #the only problem i see is that nobody can prove that the unknown passes the harknes test #that's a bit of '95 Theses on the church door' in my plans

[wigglebox]

Colors 🌈✨

#spnfanart #destiel #destiel fanart #spncreatorsdaily #spn fanart #dean Winchester #castiel #wiggleart #this just started as a doodle on a destiel sketch page I was doing yesterday morning and decided maybe it’d make a cute simple pi3ce #usually I color the backgrounds first before the main characters because it helps decide what colors I’m going to use #but I colored them first and I used a muted palette #thinking I was just going to have like a heart red glow coming From between them #because I’ve done that a couple of times already #but then I did the background after coloring them and well yeah #so I had to color them again #and then I didn’t like the first pass I had with Cas so I had to re do him for a second time before I started on deans first recoloring #so it was a process but I figured it out lol I think #and honestly I always want to do halos like this now at least for elaborate pieces #simple ones can stay like how I usually do them but with elaborate pieces I think I want to do stars #it was so much fun #anyway happy Wednesday!

[endlesslytired]

So WOW. So much. So so much. Mei ritual accidentally went overdrive.

Bonus: That scene.

#needless to say a lot happened in that stream that made my brain fry #I've been waiting for Acheron since the reveal and my god she's even more than i expected back then #was tempted by black swan and yes i will get her next time #(i say that about many characters. i have a lot of passes saved up rn but im planning on getting robin if things work out but maybe!) #i haven't included it but i did talk about how much i like aventurine. my second fav hoyo guy #unfortunately i wasn't able to process a lot of what was talked about him because of what preceded it #but i got myself together when they spoke about his boss fight and im HYPE #gallagher is also neat. he's kinda a less emo batman diluc #another male healer! #overall im hype as hell and cannot wait #honkai star rail #hsr acheron #hsr black swan

[teeth-draws]

Couldn’t sleep so sketched formal/ball!trouble from @shepherds-of-haven || view full size bc I don’t care to check ratios before I upload aaaa

#shepherds of haven #trouble alder #cog games #clochus is the demon I hate most of all because due to my stats I have to miss the ball and go with chase to avoid using a WOP #i would much rather be dancing n looking fine n you know maybe knocking over expensive things on purpose…! #this picture exists in a fantasy timeline where mc is not passed tf out and they find trouble somewhere after the party #he’s processing what just happened but also trying to figure out if his distaste for the grandeur of the party is something he can get over #we see how much party food we can ‘confiscate’ and have it distributed to the masses #thanks prihine!!! #so generous! #i know I don’t have any consistent art style right now like this was just a sudden sleep deprived need #and the hair…? teeth vs trouble’s hair vol. 39 #this party is the catalyst to shaving it into a mullet #torn between wanting to look hot and resenting conforming to the beauty standards of nobility #can you imagine him saving a bunch of nobles from a rabid demon and they look up towards their newfound hero and he’s sporting a mullet #look in his eyes like ‘I just saved your life I dare you to say something lol’ #love u trouble ur a g #+ honestly thinking about how he’s not just dense and gos with the most romance flags in the game #his low self-worth actually saves him from a lot of heartbreak considering more often than not mc DOESNT like him back in ‘that way’ #in favour of (often) his 2 best friends #BABES DW YOU HAVE FANS I PROMISE YOU #also do you think trouble weaponises puppy dog eyes or is he unaware of his most powerful weapon…

[magical-xirl-4]

the way that i truly am just non-binary still... idk, surprises me? like, i forget that i am, so i have to remind myself that while i am trans, i'm not a man. at the same time, i'm not a woman. i'm just floating out as something else. something totally new.

but that's why it's so hard for me to affirm myself. there is no exact language to describe me that truly encapsulates my experiences. there's very little representation about what it means to be non-binary. it's why i think about it so much, it's why i fixate on it.

the world is extremely binary, and it's influence over my thoughts is still very strong, despite my gender identity.

it can be lonely. it can be confusing.

my bodily dysphoria is so strong but my social dysphoria is ten fold. to a vast majority of people they will never see me as non-binary no matter how many times i say it, and that haunts me.

i know not everyone will be able to instantly see me as my true self wherever i go and whoever i talk to, but the two binary genders are something that we are innately trained to recognise.

if a person recognises me as 1 or 2 and never 3 instantly, it feels. wrong.

why can't you see me as that? no matter how hard i try; why?

maybe HRT and top surgery will get me there, maybe, hopefully, one day. i want to be seen as androgynous, ambigious, first and foremost. someone who perfectly toes the line of masculinity and femininity. i feel like i am that as a person already but i just want people to be able to see that as soon as they see me.

but ultimately what i truly want is reformation of society. i want- no, need, trans acceptance, and abolishment of gender roles and heteropatriarchy. it's the only way i'll ever be able to thrive and feel comfortable. it's easy for you to people to see man and woman, but i wish it were different. i wish it were more that that.

i still haven't changed my name legally, or moved away from my family, so i'd say i'm in the worst of it. i'm just barely getting enough air to breathe. when i change my name, when i move out, when i go on HRT and get top surgery i will feel better.

but those systems put in place to hold up cisheteronormativity will still exist. i'm not sure how i will feel once i'm up to that point. i'll definitely have more air to breathe. but i can't even picture it right now. i'm still looking up from the well. why do i still have to endure more darkness once i'm fully free to be me?

i really hope for a day where that well won't exist and we'll be able to be on equal level a plain and open field. where we'll get to sit next to each other in the warm gaze of the sun, feeling loved, safe, protected and cared for. where we don't have to fight to exist and feel like ourselves. no conflict, no fighting, no hardship. just ourselves and the purity of it.

#non-binary #nonbinary #ugh. fucking. vent #dysphoria #i think what i also need to get over is my insecurity over being non-binary #specifically. feminine non-binary. it's still a whole process #because i experience such intense dysphoria over being percieved as female i want to just be so separate to any femininity #which is why i think 'maybe i'm just a trans man' #no. i know i'm not. my dysphoria is just so intense #i think when i pass as something other than female and i move out i'll feel a lot better about being non-binary #point is: i am definitely non-binary. i'm just extremely averse to being percieved as female while being feminine #WHICH IS A WHOLE OTHER BAG OF WORMS #I LIKE BEING FEMININE. IT'S WHO I AM. SO IS MY MASCULINITY #DOESN'T MEAN I AM A WOMAN OR A MAN THOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!! #abolish gender roles rn i am SO serious #an aside: I’d rather we just not attribute gender or fem/masc to anything at all. please. just see me as me. not as a gender or signifiers

[words-be-upon-ye]

There are a couple tropes I really love in the space of Miraculous Ladybug fan works, but quite possibly my favorite is when the miraculous holders just get creature from using their powers.

Like yeah, I would say that hosting the power of an abstract concept given sentience, that got shoved into the shape of an animal and bound to a piece of jewelry, would kinda mess with your body a bit.

The little bit of this we get in canon is basically that Adrien loves being a cat and the whole Tikki munches incident.

But I love it when people give them ears and wings and tails, give them eyes that aren't quite human anymore. Fuck with their gender and their sense of body. Sometimes it's body horror, sometimes it's just aesthetic. Love it either way.

I just think it's so fun, a lot of the time it's combined with the like "when a holder and the kawami really respect and bond with each other there's nothing that can be done except having magic bleed into the holder" I think that's fun, but also just making the animal of the kwami a bigger deal is fun. Like if you're going to make it a ladybug you might as well give her wings and antenna and mirrored eyes.

#yes I do like ml #there's just so many characters I like to mess with in my head #also sue me I'm trans and have a certain respect for body horror. for the forced change of your physical self especially when you chose it #anyway I alwasys ramble in the tags #I set up this side blog to hide random writing thoughts I had and oh boy do I have a lot and none of them are on here #and recenetly (and by recently I mean like the past year) I've been hit with so many ml thoughts) #they're all gay #and some of them are cohesive #actually a lot of them revolve around chloe and au's where she gets a meaningful improvement arc #give that gay girl intresting stuff #miraculous ladybug #ml #although one of my ideas is also my very fun very gender take of ml where to conceal their identities ladybug and chat start pretending #to be different people under the masks like they don't need to like explicitly say. they just #switch costumes a lot and they like slyly hint at maybe theres dozens of people who pass around the miraculous to make sure that their #Identities are always safe #and to support the act they also start changing the genders they present as as holders. everyone is like “it's clearly multiple people” #and during this process marinette and Adrien are both like slowly having personal gender revelations #and gabe is like tearing his hair out over having to fight this secret group of superheros that he can never find or catch #but he's still just getting his ass kicked by two kids who're doing the world's most successful costumes change bits #it's like those “fake dating” tropes where they're like “oh but we really do love each other” but with gender #“oh I've got a great idea lets pretend to be different genders sometimes” #cut to “hmh ok so I think I'm not pretending anymore” #oh I do always ramble in the tags

[daddy-ul]

WHY YELLOW?

I had ready a big post with all the screenshots of lyrics and stuff, but I guess I don't need to convince anyone anymore... bc it's true dndjdn

But truly!! Go back and read the lyrics again, one by one, just like the team for the concept art did. What did you notice?

>>>> how many times the word 'light' comes up? Or something that it's related to light, like the sun or lightning? (and i mean 'lux' is light in latin, two songs in one album with the word light in the title)

And it's a different light from previous albums, it's not the light from a halo who is on fire. Well, maybe it would be more accurate to say that it's the same light as before but... In a different phase.

Maybe you can still fear the light, it still feels dangerous, BUT in the end... You turn it on. And if there is still darkness, even with the light on... Then it's okay, accept me, lean on me! (did you see what I did there?)

As you can see, the black is still very well there, there is no mention of light in 72s (the song) if not for black light, it's midnight. This is the inciting incident, the cradle, the explosion that charred the object around us. And the object and the cradle itself... cast shadows. But the light is surrounding everything, right in the center, AND IT'S WARM, not white but yellow.

#(d)jinn all'opera #metallica #72 seasons #meta-llica #rip my og meta i guess snsjsjsjsjsj #i was basically done. then today while i cooked lunch i thought 'is james interview out yet?' and it was! and i read it!!! AND I WAS RIGHT #skkssksk so i dont have to convince anyone i guess?? sjsjsjsj my friend who just yesterday listen to me rambling abt this told me that #they'll testify abt my idea being born before reading this djejejsjsj thanks rem #so this is written not so tightly djdjd ops i don't have to guide anyone throught the process #im just happy that it passed through well enough that it was immediately clear to me. even without reading the interview #i maybe still do the 'THIS IS ACTUALLY A HOPEFULL ALBUM. MORE THAN A DARK ONE' #meta..... but it feels like a useless effort rn djdjdjdjdjd #james hetfield #so what!

[eithernich]

#when will i stop staying awake for 30+ hours at a time i am surely causing irreparable damage to my brain #i say this like it's a choice the reality is i blink and whole days have passed when my dissociation is especially bad #i feel so far from everything it all feels wrong and unfamiliar then again that feeling itself is familiar #might put on that james spader audiobook on low volume (low enough volume that i don't start focusing on his voice and keeping myself awake #in the process......) #maybe that'll help maybe it'll make it worse #i have a habit when listening to it where i'll hear him say a certain thing and think i Have to write down a timestamp to go back #to it haha #and that would keep me awake #i almost started a fire earlier accidentally while testing out one of those big ol tv's from the aforementioned (like a month ago) moldy #house down the street #the second i switched the power on it started popping and zapping at me and i swear i smelled smoke so i panicked and unplugged #it and lugged it outside and now i'm paranoid that somehow a slowly burning internal fire will start while i am asleep and spread from the #porch to the house. i mean not Start but Continue. if there is one to continue somewhere in there....... #it's a solemn life i lead #i need to try to sleep now. so i can wake up #so on and so forth #i need to purchase a fire extinguisher.

[moshieee]

Ew, essays :[

I miss the old days of kindergarten when we attempted to color butterflies and ate erasers and glue

-🎁

I hated kindergarten

Essays may suck but at least now I'm not the weird kid in the corner wishing I had friends

However yes I absolutely despise essays with all my being... in fact!

Achievement unlocked: you somehow found a topic moshie hates enough and on a bad day to start them ranting in the tags...

Warning there are curse words, poor spelling, and caps locks

Sorry in advance

#asks #off topic #seriously tho i hate essays so much #one of them is already 5 pages and thats just the rough draft #i better get a fucking high pass on that shit or i will scream #shes actually making us focus on out writing process and OH HO.HO BOY IS MINE A MESS #I SWEAR ITS LIKE TRYING TO MAKE A SKETCH BUT YOU KEEP PAINTING CERTAIN PARTS BECAUSE IT HAS TO LOOK NICE #ONLY TO RELIZE OH WAIT MAYBE THAT DOESN'T GO THERE AND I SHOULD ACTUALLY SHIFT IT AROUND #OR MAYBE I COULD SWAP THIS TOO BE THAT LOOKS AWFUL AND IT JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE AND WORSE TILL ITS A RIVER OF BLOOD AND PAINT #AND SHE WANTS TO SEE MY ROUGH DRAFT??? HONNEY YOU WOULD HAVE A BETTER CHANCE AT READING THE MARIO SUNSHINE SPEEDRUN CATEGORY BACKWARDS THEN #UNDERSTANDING WHAT THE FUCK IM TRYING TO WRITE ITS WHY I HAVE TO WRITE IT ALL IN ONE GO OTHERWISE I HAVE TO LOOK BACK AND UNDERSTAND WHAT #WAS GOING THROUGH MY HEAD WHILE LOOKING THROUGH THIS MESS!!! OOOHH WHAT? YOU WANT ME TO ORGANIZE THIS WELL SHIT THATS GOING TO TAKE EVEN #LONGER YOU ALREADY GOT ME WRITING WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE ME STOP MUCH LESS MAKE ME SWITCH SUBJECTS TO ANOTHER ESSAY HALF WAY THROUGH OH BU #AND GUESS WHAT!???? ONE PAGE! DOUBLE SPACE! AND IM NOT GOING TO GIVEN GIVE YOU A DIRECTION TO WRITE IN JUST ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT WE LEARNED #IN THESE LAST TWO WEEKS! TWO WEEKS FUCKING HELL DO YOU KNOW HOW INDECISIVE AND FORGETFUL I AM??? MUCH LESS THE FACT KTS ABOUT ETHNICS #I DIDNT EVEN EANT TO TAKE AN ETHNICS CLASS I WANTED ETHICS I FUCKING HATE EVERY SO MUCH RIGHT NOW #LIKE YEA SURE I KNOW THEY'RE IMPORTANT BUT I STILL HATE ESSAYS and j know my teachers are trying their best... #but jeese ethnics is such a difficult topic because on one had yea i relate to what these people are going through im part of the LGBT #are statistics are very similar but im also bery much a white person and not openly trans/non binary i dont want to look like some stuck up #white person going oooo look at the poor minorities i can TotAlLy relate and now im going to talk about me #because im genuinely scared of coming out idk whos accepting and whos not at least online im safe and can block people... #jeese im sorry for the rant i shouldn't have gone on that much less my art blog #this is supposed to be a positive blog but i just need to put this somewhere or i feel im going to cry out of frustration im sorry #rant post #system #oops moshie got emotional

[mothram]

#diana's music diary #good morning #i slept early #it was nice #very cozy #I only slept like 4 hours though cause I had to get up for a delivery... also I'm posting this a couple of hours after waking... #as is becoming usual for these... I've been kind of vibing to music pretty much... #anyway yesterday was good but so exhausting... played lethal company with friends like I'd said which was really fun!! was a little bit of #process getting my bearings in it since I'd seen maybe one second of gameplay before but after a day or two in game I picked it up I'd say! #I mostly just ran away when I saw something scary but I tried scanning a monster and it opened the door which made me scream once ahaha #after that I was a lil tired but we ended up having a session of the project moon ttrpg I'm in kind of out of nowhere #it was short but v fun to play Frei again he kind of completely shut down the distortion singlehandedly which was surprising considering he #has no combat capability.. incapacitated them and read its mind which helped us figure out what we needed to do to resolve the distortion #-peacefully! my partners character did the actual resolving cause Frei is terrified of going near anything as gross as that distortion was #(it was a giant gross greasy burger monster. who was just bob from bobs burgers. he ended up in a polycule with linda and teddy after.) #Frei also read my partners characters mind a bit and maybe upset him a little by mentioning his daughter (her character is divorced lol) #anyway yeah... I was tired after both of those so I kinda got in bed and passed out quickly while listening to music... #idk what I'll do today I'm a bit sore still and I'm v sick and tired rn so I'll probably just relax a bit... #let's make today nice and cozy and good... love u friends thank u for reading <3

[akchually]

.

#so there's this girl #and there's this conversation I had where I told Prettyboy about a coworker whose version of polyamory is #'she says she needs me back in Washington but I don't have a job there. I keep telling her to get another boyfriend while I'm out of town #just make sure he's not around when I visit so I don't have to fight anybody' #That tickled me. And the conversation ended with me getting like a third of a hall pass. I gotta call if anything happens. #Call so Prettyboy feels like he's part of my romantic life even when the romance isn't him #Which is the opposite track of the one I was giggling about okay yeah #But like my best friend here is. Super pretty. Ridiculously pretty. #And kind and works hard and takes care of the people she loves. She's always finding ways to help me. #And she's vegan and loves my cooking and that's my love language okay #I wanna make sure she eats I wanna see what happens if she's given full reigns on dominance I want I yearn #And we talk for hours about nothing but it's been weeks since I've been like one third available and I dunno how to tell her #Or if I should or if I'd be just another person in her life who wants her for what she can do for them #I think my intentions are good but it's lonely. The long distance and the seasonal work and the isolated town up in the mountains. #And maybe I just want to be held. #I know she's grey ace and a lot of the romantic relationships she's had in the past were very manipulative and not what she really wanted #Maybe that's what's pulling me in so hard like am I just insecure and want to prove myself yet again #I've always been drawn to flaky people #I wanna be the one person they show up for #This is the thing that I actually need to process in therapy and can't just lsd the anxiety away #Though that worked for most things #Take hallucinagens. Once. #I'm such a hugger but only worked up the courage to hug her a few days ago. #We've been talking (lowercase t) for months. #And I know she has her own long distance unicorn relationship back in Kentucky. I'm hoping the subject will just surface again. #And then I can say hey #I think you're really pretty

[cimicherrychanga]

SO fucked up that when u study languages they also make u study architecture history and ant biology and economy and european politics hierarchy so by the end of the semester i still cant tie a proper sentence in any language but sure i can differentiate the neo gothic style from rococo or tell you what a bull market is

#shut up dave #im tired im tired im tired i dont care abt any of this #i mean i do enjoy architecture and art periods. i dont want to be required to know all of them #i have an exam tomorrow and one on sunday and one on wednesday and one on next saturday #then on monday and tuesday and the following saturday and monday too #and frankly. im only confident i can pass 3 maybe 4 of them #for the rest??? idk ill need to study and im very bad at that #but hey we got the grades back from the first exam!! the one i took last week and i got a 9 yippeee #that is out of 10 #it was in german interpreting n like. genuinely. im good enough at consecutive interpreting that i dont think theres a way 4 me to fail #like even if i mess it up i cant do THAT bad #i had to do it 4 english today and i think i fucked up sooo big it was so embarrassing. but then we got to the critique of my performance #and. it was all the usual nitpicks? like few word choices #the occasional discordance with adjectival conjugation. few points that 'havent clearly come across' #in my mind i had missed like a whole half of the speech but apparently it was p good still #now the problem is. same prof who teaches that subject also teaches specialized languages #and im. very bad at that one for simple reason that i have not processed any information all year #um maybe next time dont make your class about the stock market? idk just a suggestion. i dont care for wallstreet or whatever. #tho to b fair i didnt care for the european parliament last year either so ig u just cant win me on those terms #but if we get to specializing on the judiciary field i think i wouldnt be able to keep ignoring it. because of the circumstances #i have two more shirt designs to finish before the month ends but as u can see school wants me dead at the same time #one of said designs is a full 7 character thing :/ #and the other. well ive already made 3 thumbnails for it and nothing rly clicks the way i want it to

[pepprs]

#to translate this post: someone liked this post i made (on the upper left) on AUGUST 28 having a moment of self awareness that i was running #away from my whole life and not moving or learni ng to drive or anything. it is now march 8. it has been almost 7 months. and i have made #basically zero progress. and there is nothing stopping me but me. i could read the drivers manual and whatever whenever i want. but i am not #doing anything. and i don’t know how to get myself to start. #purrs #i know it’s a cop out excuse but i truly do think it’s covid. i think being in lockdown for a year and a half made me just let go of any #sense of progress. made me scared to take steps forward. and i mean i did bc i lived on campus for a while after that but it’s like.. EVERY #part of my life is stagnant rn it seems. and it’s not just me it’s my siblings too. we’re all getting older but none of us is trying to move #out or gain our independence in any way and my brother isn’t even looking for jobs even though he needs one. we’re all just getting older #but we’ve lost (or maybe had knocked out of us by covid and our mom being so strict) any sense of moving ipward and spreading our wings. #forgotten we have wings at all. and ive done important things like going on a house tour or traveling with my besties (<3). but i have only #made it to page 8 of the drivers manual and i truly do not want to read the rest of it. i have only been on one house tour and im longing to #move out but how much am i really because i can’t bring myself to schedule another tour and start searching for a new home in earnest. #i just come home every day UTTERLY exhausted and spend all my free time trying to process or rest. and im not making room for myself to use #my wings. and it’s truly terrible. why are we all okay with living like this. my younger self would be HORRIFIED if she saw how much i had a #atrophied since graduating and moving back home. my brighton self would be HORRIFIED. i told myself i wouldn’t and then it’s exactly what i #did. and ik im being harsh and ive spread my wings in some important ways during this time but… these are so obvious. such low hanging #fruit in some ways. bc any 16 year old can take this test and pass it so why can’t i at 24? why won’t i let myself? dont i want a nice cozy #home i make my own where i can eat what i want and sleep when i want and have control over sounds? then why am i not running for it? #delete later #i am wasting my youth i am wasting my youth i am wasting my youth 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 my one precious life 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 #also LMFAOOOOO the next tag on that aug 28 post was that i need to get a new campus id card… guess who hasn’t done that either ♥️