#and my own feelings being a burden

[mayhemspreadingguy]

“I need a father. I need a mother. I need some older, wiser being to cry to. I talk to God, but the sky is empty.” ― Sylvia Plath

#The Chosen One #anakin #anakin skywalker art #anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker fanart #sw #star wars #star wars art #mayhem art #my thanks to magnusbae for helping me choose the perfect quote to fit with the art <3 #also this time I feel like saying a word or two about what I was going for with this one #lately I find myself gravitating toward the ideas of Anakin in religious context #this one was inspired by statues and stained windows of praying saints and it is the beginning of my religion themed sw art #some other wips are in the owen already so hopefully i will finish baking those someday :) #but more about this one #I wanted to capture the immense burden that was put onto Anakin's shoulders by being labeled as the chosen one by the Jedi #he was made into a symbol representing the hope of the prophecy #he stands surrounded by people. people with expectations. people who lay their hopes in his hands. who gaze upon him. who celebrate him #yet he stands isolated. lost. #deified. pushed towards his own downfall #he's searching for his path. he's searching for guidance #for a shoulder to lean on. to cry on. after the loss he has suffered and for the torments that are yet to come #he's exeptionally strong yet so fragile and vulnerable

[uncanny-tranny]

It's really frustrating being trans sometimes with cis loved ones because other cis people will go, "oh but it's such a huge adjustment for them! They're grieving for your pre-transition self/they aren't used to the change yet/it's hard on them!"

It's just so frustrating that people forget that trans people's feelings on this matter, too. Cis people aren't the only ones who have adjustments to make. Frankly, as much as I sympathize with cis people in this position, I can't help but be really jaded about it because so often, cis people jump to the defense of other cis people and they will seemingly forget to or refuse to give the same grace to trans people.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #like at what point is it 'they aren't used to it yet!' and it morphs into 'that person is actively refusing to acknowledge you' #i'm at a point now where i have been out as trans for half my life. at what point is this willfully refusing to see *me* #it's just amazing that it doesn't matter what the trans person could do because it's their fault for bringing 'burden' onto cis people #i UNDERSTAND that it can be hard for family for instance to flip a switch with their trans loved one... #...but i can't help but notice that so often it's because they *refuse to try* #why is it that cis people can do almost anything to trans people but trans people must be perfectly understanding and perfectly... #...content with whatever cis people in our lives have to say about how hard it is on THEM... #...like that's insulting to me. imagine being so willfully incompassionate... #...i'm worried about if i'm safe in my own workplace or in my gym or in a medical setting... #...i feel like we need a sense of scale about who is most affected by transness in this scenario... #...because i would RATHER be grieving over somebody's transness than worrying if i'll be hatecrimed... #...there's a difference in the experience between a trans person and the cis people in that trans person's life learning to adjust to... #...that person's transness. which is why i don't think it's comparable to say that cis people have it just as hard in this case #transphobia #transphobia tw

[variksel]

takes a drag of my coolguy cigarette I dont know man the fact that all of the s1 dads' original dad haha funnyman tropes were at first only jokes to make fun of middleaged middleclass middlebalding cishet white american men with but the second their fathers and the traumas of the daddies' pasts stepped into the plot they tied themselves into the initial premise and dad tropes so fucking perfectly i mean TAKINGANOTHERBIGINHALE darryl the christian who married his highschool sweetheart and started living the picket-fence "kid-and-a-house" american dream relatively young while idolizing his own dad has a father who died before darryl had properly talked with him and found out more of his faults and nuance henry the pacifist pretentious vegan dad has a father who thinks hes better than everybody else and wants his son to repress his anger and anxiety because he feels he is morally above emotions glenn the distant but cool rocker dad who tours the country without his son on christmas eve has a dad who glenn wasnt even sure if he had died back on earth because it had been so long since he had heard of him ron the emotionally detached stepfather who doesnt seem to care to remember his stepsons name or a single fact about his personality has a father who used everything in rons life to hurt him including his love for his dog AND his love for his father when he asked him to go fishing with him knowing despite all hes done ron would still somehow desperately want to make his father proud fuck me running anthony burch doesnt get enough credit

#darryl wants to be everybodys shield and- #not realizing that he cant do that and also people wont let him if he doesnt share his own burden #this podcast makes me insane #also while i was writing this my brain went he doesnt see himself as a good enough father so he tries to act as someone who tries to carry #he feels like hes failed as a father because his marriage is on the rocks despite marriage being forever. he thinks he shouldve had his- #happily ever after already but things keep going and life keeps moving and not everything is perfect and he doesnt know how to deal w it" #thats all i just really had to like put this all out there #dungeons and daddies #dungeons and daddies spoilers #dungeons and daddies odyssey #dndads s1 #dungeons and daddies season 1 #darryl wilson #dndads glenn close #glenn close #henry oak #ron stampler #paeden bennets #oakworthy

[abimee]

hey I just wanted to say that b&g is one of my favorite pieces of undertale art in general. I'm muslim and the way you depict toriel reminds me of my own mother and other older muslim women that I meet a lot. It's very comforting. I don't see a lot of depictions of middleaged muslim women with dignity and respect that often. Of course, I love everything about your au and how you write all the characters, but toriel specifically really hits home for me

aww im really happy to hear that anon thank you :,,---( i remember Toriel originally wasnt supposed to be that big in my B&G world but with other characters getting their own time to shine (Kris and Susie about being teenagers trying to handle their struggles on their own, Undyne in being in her 20s but stuck in the past, etc) Toriel started developing in my mind, and her story is sort of an amalgam of all sorts of mothers and women ive met through babysitting and my own mother (though my mom isnt muslim as im a convert, so its all in just personality) so hearing someone else sees a little of their own mother in her warms me heart :,---] ty again

#i really wanted to tell a story with toriel of how often mothers feel like they have to give away their life for their children #not in that their children are burdens but in how isolating it can become to be a mother especially in the boomer/millenial era #my own mother talked a lot about how she didnt regret having us but she just couldnt pursue things about herself after being a mother #and toriel was going to be about how society and the culture around parenthood is so isolating and demanding #and her divorce from asgore was freeing her up to all these experiences she thought she was never going to have #because even though she lost what she thought was her support she was going to find it in the people around her #like undyne looking after her children and her making new friends in her older age #and her just finding community and realizing she has so much of her life ahead of her #it all just sort of comes back to watching my own mother grow through her divorce and how much it never really affected me #because while my mother Was struggling she was still her own person and not just My Mom or my Dads Wife #and she had a life she wanted to live And children she wanted to care for #boys & girls #fanart

[lyriumsings]

baldurs gate is so funny it’s just

laezel &shadowheart: let’s break you outta this religious cult!

wyll & gale: let’s break you outta this unhealthy relationship!

astarion & karlach: let’s break the people who broke you!

that’s it that’s the game

#halsin is like let’s break you out of this monumental weight you keep putting on yourself #i could write pages on halsin tbh like #he really glosses over his own pain and like he’s not looked after #like the comments you can make about him being good for helping carry stuff #the way he can say ‘my heart can wound’ #if you end things with him and then take it back (i reloaded the save i just wanted to see DJSJS) #and it broke my heart like people just see him as this big strong guy to push responsibility on to #who can protect everyone all the time and he can but like no!! i’m protecting YOU get in my pocket #acknowledge your past trauma don’t gloss over it #he’s very similar to astarion imo #in the way that both kind of seem like they don’t need help #or act like it rather but to different extremes #halsin cares about everything all the time and shoulders the burden #astarion elected to not care about anything ever and preserve himself bc no one else would #i’m obsessed with their poly and how they both desperately need to be cared for in vastly different ways that are somehow still so similar #lyriumsings txt #bg3 #spoilers #anyway this was supposed to be a silly post i got lost in my feels DKSJDJDJS

[silenthillbunni]

🐰🌧️

#so on my way home.. #i walked by a school and besides the fact that i felt so depressed bc just looking at these kids and adults i have NO hope for the future #i saw two boys on a bench as i walked by... and i just thought they were talking. and too late i realized that no one of the boys were #bullying the other boy. the bully walked away and the other boy just sat there looking so lifeless and dejected #a teacher came and sat down w that boy and i just kept walking. even if i wanted to say smth it's like what would i even do abt that situati #that made me so sad both bc that boy.. he looked so dejected and used to it. that anxiety going to school knowing you're bullied is awful #and like i imagined talking to him and saying heyyy if you're lucky you'll grow up to be 25yrs old #live like a parasite off your mom and be on wellfare and never have had a job :) #you'll have no education or highschool diploma :) you will still struggle to finish hs even at an easier level :) #you will also not have had friends in 10yrs and you'll be terrified of ppl and getting close to anyone and even going outside!! #you'll have no interests and hobbies and skills! you'll simply be a waste of space loser being a burden on everyone around u! #whoop whoop stay alive buddy it will only get worse ❤️ #god i just wanna cry. how did i let my life turn out this way??? i used to be full of dreams and life and passion and HOPE #i used to believe in things and in people. i had so many dreams and i wanted to try and do so many things #now all i can think is 'i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die'. im miserable wherever i go lmao #there's this bridge over the highway i have to cross when i walk to school and every time i look down at the trafic and when a truck drives #by i feel my entire body vibrate. i just wanna jump and get mauled by it. #or i dont *want* to but i feel so deeply and desperately that it's the only way for me #only way to make it stop hurting. and i am weak. i dont know how to just 'stop' or take control of my life. thats why i wanna die #bc i know that i wont be able to. that my life will never amount to anything #for fuck's sake my dream now is just to have my own 1bedroom apartment and have a shitty job - like in a grocery store or whatever!!!!! #not even that can i make happen! bc im so worthless i cant do anything. im also stupid so i wouldnt be able to do my job right #i dont know... i dont know... these feelings and thoughts are too much i just wanna relax #but i cant bc my ribs hurt and idk if it's heartburn or an ulcer 💀 why am i even alive???? what am i doing all this for? 😭 #my thoughts ran away but i meant like seeing that reminded me of how much of a failure i became #bc of my circumstances and all the shitty ppl around me thru out my life

[soldier-poet-king]

I need to go thrifting and overhaul my wardrobe I need to go thrifting and overhaul my wardrobe sososo bad

#the duality of fran #yes im whining and being vain at work #but like. im just. burdened with guilt abt clothes for various reasons #and i would rlly feel better about life and myself if i dressed the way i wanted #i miss being close to things! i want to pop into thrift stores on a whim and find perfect pieces and be me #im tired of making do with things given to me that i feel obligated to make use of. or that dont sit right #or that are hyperfeminine and never my style anyway #where are the earth toned masc clothes for short broad hipped round tummy people #i did round 1 of a purge this weekend. if im still feeling antsy ill do round 2 tonight #problem is i always feel guilty and end ip keeping shit i know i wont wear #i have to. kondo it. in the sense of. does this spark joy #at least for my clothes. its the only way to fight the brain guilt #no i do NOT want this sundress in fact if it were up to me i wouldnt own more than 1 summer and 1 winter dress #that's it!! where are my fuckin pants and button ups

[zarovich]

pretty sure things from my past fucked me up so bad that nobody will love me. and even if they do, deep down ill still be afraid they may be lying

#personal #platonic or romantic. im too fucked up for a human to love me. animals do but thats different animals are easier for me to understand #i mean animals dont look at me in digust for being covered in scar tissue cuz cutting myself is the only way i can keep myself alive #or look at me with pity. to them im just a big creature even the wild animals who run away. theyre just scared i understand cuz i am too #i often feel like i am a feral animal. idk how to socialize i isolated myself so bad that everything isay seems wrong and foreign #im losing time lately too. ill realize days have past and i dont remember much of the on between this happens often and its bothers me #idont remember making that post yesterday at all my brain is like perpetually foggy #i feel as if i shouldnt talk about this tbh like even just on my own blog i feel like a burden and everyone wants me dead idk #im veryconfused

[licorishh]

Most people really don't seem to understand that friendship is a two-way street.

They expect you to wait on them hand and foot as they rant about and constantly pour on you either their issues or their passions and when you finally have something you'd like to talk about you get a "Man that sucks :/" or a "Cool" in return.

Find somebody who doesn't do that. Then you'll have your best friend.

#i know i ramble sometimes and i'm extremely grateful that my best friend puts up with it :') #but see then in return i do the same for her because it would be completely unfair for me to expect her to act like a wall for me to talk a #or when i wanna show her something and i can tell she's being polite and it doesn't personally strike her fancy I MOVE ON #and she does the same for me and we have way frickin better communication and we have a frickin rad friendship #it's give and take #and also can we bring back the idea of being able to work through some things on your own? #like i am ALL FOR having a support system that can encourage you when things go wrong but some things can be solved on your own #i shouldn't be bearing the burden of figuring out your life for you you know? #i'm absolutely willing to help but if you're just going to spend all your time complaining to me and never ever take my advice #then there comes a point at which i'm literally just acting as your therapist and that's not how friendships are supposed to work #i've become kind of the designated therapist in a lot of friendships throughout my life #and it is exhausting constantly being complained at (sometimes over very minor things) #only to have that person or people COMPLETELY ignore your advice every single time you try to give it #that's not friendship my dude that's using me because you just want someone to complain to #like i said. support system good. treating your friend like an emotional punching bag to let out your problems 24/7 very very bad. #like when i was feeling completely unlike myself and irritated and frustrated for three dang years straight #i didn't really talk about it much because i knew it wasn't the kind of thing advice was going to fix #so i wasn't in the discord servers every two seconds “MAN I REALLY JUST DON'T FEEL GOOD :///” #because when other people do this to me there comes a point at which i'm like “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT” #like i've given you all the advice i have and you have taken absolutely none of it nor have you taken any action on your own #so now i'm just here to make you feel better about yourself and that's really not my job #emotional support is necessary. patting you on the head when you refuse to do anything to better your situation is not. #tl;dr people who refuse to do anything to better their situation other than complain to ME about it 24/7 drive me nuts #and it drives other people nuts so please don't do it to anyone #don't bottle up your emotions but also don't let them come crashing down and drown everyone you know #just because you can't be bothered to put ANY effort forth to contain them #emotional regulation is attractive~~~ #society today has built such a culture of “it's not YOUR fault and if you cry about it hard enough someone will fix it for you” like no sir #sometimes it IS your fault and sometimes you DO need to take responsibility #and if it is your fault then absolutely no one but you is obligated to fix it

[coccolithophore]

well at least i’m recovered from my cancer treatment enough that i can literally run away from my problems

#the lack of support my family gave me during my cancer treatment is also on my mind #like i know they felt bad but pigeon took care of me every day #i really could have used rides to appointments and emotional support from them #so the entire burden didn’t fall on my partner #but alas even literal cancer wasn’t enough to make them think about my feelings #or get past their OWN feelings about my life being in danger to get over it and make emotional sacrifices for me #*drags my hands down my face* #like that’s the main thing with them #they Do love me and they Do care but nobody can get past their own issues enough #to make any type of emotional effort for me if it makes them uncomfortable #vs that’s been expected of me since the moment my stupid dad died #sorry lol #not really sure what to do with all these feelingd after Scaling a Mountain #perhaps eat a meal? #part of this is probably because they wouldn’t know how to emotionally function if i kicked the bucket so they can’t even think about it #ok maybe that’s dramatic but i’m very mad rn

[charlotterenaissance]

having an almost comically bad couple days so i'm microdosing on all my fixations by alternating episodes of kids in the hall, night court, h2o just add water, and conan o'brien remotes. just having a normal one

#the fun part of being the child of my alcoholic dad and junkie mother is that my form of vice is old tv shows #as i try to zone out while stone-cold sober #i had a bad day at work which was the capstone to a rough couple weeks #which is why haven't really been on here #and i'm pretty sure i can't trust my own vision or whatever because i look at things and get told i'm wrong #and then i found richard moll died so i'm not doing so great #i am so sad #i'm just so so sad and scared #all the time and i hate this so much and i hate being a burden to the person i love #and i just feel so alone and not good at anything and not good enough for anything or anyone i'm just not worth anything #it's my fault for only being able to conceptualize relationships via the familial bond #so i take my boss who is normally sweet and patient with my stupid worthless self #yelling at me as rough as you can possibly imagine #she didn't even yell at me specifically but every time she came by i flinched and any time i said something she got mad and yelled at me #i don't know i'm sorry #i just want to disappear #i'm also on my period one more cosmic corkscrew of pain

[pepprs]

i need to move out 😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹

#purrs #if i didn’t live here then there would be enough bread and you wouldn’t have to wake up early in the morning to take me to work. lole 😻👍 #like you made this problem and it is not a priority to you to teach me to drive or whatever so like. you made this bed now lie in it 🙏🏻💕‼️ #i would really really appreciate not being made to feel like a burden by my own family. unfortunately that is impossible

[oldshrewsburyian]

Even though I continue to be a wimp about horror, I am increasingly into Chapelwaite (and halfway through the series, which turns out to have 10 episodes instead of 6. Still more chances for people to become Less Okay! Help.) It's primarily a gothic horror show, but the characterization is so interesting. For instance:

the hypocritical minister™ is also genuinely trying to be a good man, and to fight for a version of his community where neighbors are more genuinely loving to each other

the dour minister's wife™ is also a grieving mother who is depressed and anxious and who feels estranged from her husband and doesn't know what to do about any of this

Honor, the sweet and solemn eldest of the Boone children, is negotiating her own place on the cusp of adulthood, but still possessed of a childlike innocence, even impulsivity sometimes. Also it turns out that she will fire a rifle at a crowd of racists trying to kill her dad (#goodforher)

I also love her siblings: Loa who is grieving and angry and not quite in her teens yet, and Tane who runs wild in the barn and garden and fights in school but also is still young enough to hold his dad's hand. I'm feeling guilty for preemptively deciding these kids were Unnecessary Additions To The Narrative because now I'm invested. And at the halfway point, Charles is practically trembling with the nervous strain of trying to protect them from isolation, grief, racists, vampires, and his own incipient madness. I am not okay about it.

Also, the acting is strong all around, and when Jennifer Ens gets her breakout role I will say aha because I love her so much as Honor. I was glad to see that Adrien Brody was nominated for an award in this because I can't decide whether watching him in this role counts as therapy (Aristotelian theory of tragedy) or requires an invoice for therapy (Tumblr theory of tragedy) but either way! There was a scene in the latest episode where we see him, in a long shot, confronting... something, we know not what. And we see his breathing change. And I started saying "nonononono" out loud, because whatever was making him look Like That...!

#chapelwaite #this has been out for years so i'm not worrying about spoilers #also i won't give away horror spoilers™ for those who might... uh... want to be scared by surprise vampires? and body horror? #not me!! #i'm presuming that charles won't die in precisely the same way as in the book but. uh. #i am not expecting him to survive #i continue to be irritated by anachronistic dialogue #at one point honor says of her father 'he hasn't grieved' #aside from that being a silly way to frame grief in any period: GIRL #your father is still in a non-minimalist definition of full mourning #he is not sleeping well #he is. um. high-functioning and trying not to burden his children with his emotions (good job charles!) #but grief is the atmosphere through which this man MOVES #it absolutely affects his readiness to threaten to kill a bunch of racists (good... job... charles?) #and beat a racist up before spitting the man's own whisky into his eye (extremely sexy of him. not. um. extremely well-advised.) #this man is gaunt and pale; trembling and hollow-eyed #'he hasn't grieved'??? what else is he DOING in the long lamplit hours of his solitude? #anyway as i was saying: adrien brody. therapy. some relationship to. #my insomniac chapelwaite diaries #loa suspects her dad of having feelings for the governess. i do not #but somewhat to my disappointment (narratively) it turns out she does have feelings (of some sort??) for him #she says 'he's the most interesting story that ever walked into my life' and yeah! sad possibly-cursed possibly-insane widower sea captain! #but that does not mean you are in love with your Solitary Employer miss morgan. even if he does have devastating bone structure.

[ninawolv3rina]

Every few months I become possessed with the desire to draw Asa in [redacted] form so now I have like 3 versions of that tucked away where I can never post them

#the burden of being unable to spoil my own book lol #maybe in 10 years when its been out long enough that i wont feel bad

[grymmdark]

eaaughhhhh siblings are so hard to have sometimes.....

#grymms spectacular fucking posts #my sister is an incredibly frustrating person to live with #she spends all day either at her computer playing games or in her bed #she has back and knee pain that makes it so she cant bend over plus general chronic pain so she doesn't do a whole lotta chores. which i get #but she also complains about our parents not doing enough to take care of the house. like they both have fulltime jobs and have to take care #of 2 disabled kids. it's not fair to expect that they can also regularly do chores ontop of that #and if she spent her time putting in a bit more of her fair share of housework then I'd be a bitmore understanding but she doesn't do that #much. like i have chronic pain and i go to school 5 days a week and i do more chores than her #and she's an incredibly stubborn and emotional person who will flip out at anything and so i feel like im walking in eggshells talking to he #r #one time i was upset and said that if our parents went to jail for me skipping school I'd just dumpstedive for food and she said she didnt #wanna do that and i said she didnt have to. and she took me saying that as saying i wanted her to starve and didnt talk to me for a month #like if i cant even say something small and stupid when im upset and she's the one whose egging me on by saying stuff while im upset then #what can i even say around her aughhhh #anyways i know that shit like this is why i have a therapist but there's genuinely nothing i can do about this because she is the problem #and she's the one who isn't doing anything and aughhhhhh she makes my life so much harder just by being around #and i love her i want her to get better and move out for her own good but it's so hard to love someone who is nothing but a burden who #refuses to be responsible

[kummatty]

internal battle, wondering who is gonna take care of me and responding to myself, no one is coming to save you.. get up and attend to the work at hand

#i feel stupid too asking the question bc its not like im carrying my family on my shoulders or bearing that much burden #i should be more generous in helping out my parents #i dont mind being my own mother and all that i'd just like a break from time to time #maybe its not about anyone coming to take care of me as much as it is it gets tiring and heavy doing it all #and i can acknowledge that and carry it until it returns to the background