I often think back to what the hell was going on through Hanzo's head on that unfortunate day with Genji. I remember someone pointing out in the written lore from Blzzrd, it was never clearly stated that the elders gave the order for Hanzo to eliminate Genji. They said "the tension led to a violent confrontation" and "Hanzo was forced to kill him."
(I find it annoying sometimes in the English language, separated sentences can cause ambiguous meaning.)
So this led me to think,
Scenario A
If he truly was "forced by the elders", how pressured and broken was Hanzo at that moment that he had no other choice but to do that? How scared does one have to be to not make a decision on their own? Maybe his own life was on the line? I can understand someone choosing their own life over another. And well, they're just brothers I have to remind myself my shipping hc is just fanon lol. I think it's easy enough to choose yourself over a sibling, especially if said sibling is not helping. Dw Genji I love u no matter what
If this was what happened, I imagine he would... convince himself it wasn't entirely his own fault at that moment, because it was an order. I imagine it would be easier for current him to forgive himself because Genji would emphasize it wasn't entirely his fault.
Scenario B
But if the "tension grew to a violent confrontation" and Hanzo wasn't ordered by the elders, instead he lost patience at that moment... I imagine it would be infinitely harder for Hanzo to forgive himself. Because I'm pretty sure everyone has experience anger so strong they wanted to hurt someone, even if it was their loved ones especially if it was a loved one, even if they know they don't truly want to hurt them. Because they know the other person won't leave them.
And if Hanzo wanted to hurt Genji at the moment, it would be understandable if the self-loathing was infinite.
I imagine he made an impromptu slash to Genji. One cut across his torso, not as brutal and as many as other headcanons, but deep enough to cause multiple failures in Genji's body. After, he'd realize what he has done, leave the crime scene in a hurry, panicked as he was not planning to kill.
The elders would tell him Genji died. Whether or not they saw OW take his body, I don't know, but they probably want Hanzo back in work as soon as possible so they agreed he was dead. And that was that, there was nothing left for Hanzo to do but work until he decided to run away.
In this scenario, what was there for Genji to say to help Hanzo forgive himself? "You were pressured to do that," or "I was a brat at that time and you were mad," okay, external input would be helpful. But Hanzo himself knows he wanted to hurt Genji then. And that will forever haunt him. He may still heal slowly, but that thought would probably come back sometimes and ruin his day.
I wonder if Hanzo would ever tell Genji this, let the burden out of his heart, finally lay everything bare? Genji would still say it's okay, what happened has happened and they can try to be better, and that his forgiveness will never leave Hanzo. But your true enemy will always be yourself. I hope Hanzo finds genuine peace at one point.
Hanzo probably didn't wanna repeat the same incident with another human being, so he kept his distance. Make friends, yes, but never too close, never too familiar. So he can remind himself to keep his temper in check. Never too comfortable.
This also cause me tho think about him and Illari. I know I can't compare the both, as everyone has their own burdens and different limitations.
But IF what happened to Hanzo was Scenario B and he somewhat still have control over what the did, his grieving would probably be... easier to process than Illari's. Not any less heavy, but at least it's a more tangible thing to process. Because he still had someone to blame, someone to focus the hatred on.
Illari never intended to hurt her people. The accident was simply the universe being a bicth to her. Who was there to blame? She can't keep blaming herself even if she wanted to, cuz she didn't ask to be born with such strength. It's not fair. And now she's making up for something that happened because the universe decided to fuck around. Hanzo can strangle himself, but who can Illari strangle? The feeling of having no focus for the hatred is what I think would weight heaviest on Illari's shoulder.
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Old news but the fact that Cody was manager at hot topic is so unexplored in fandom. Like he wasn't some shithead employee he was the boss
Entry level retail workers are so rarely promoted to manager nowadays, like, was Cody just that good at selling/managing the store? Also, managers make good money. Okay, haha, it's a hot topic, but store managers make like 70,000$ a year (CAD). They have health insurance. So Cody was actually doing pretty well. It's kinda weird to pretend he was on the same level as his friend with just a standard sales associate position, even if that friend was also full-time. Like the power and responsibility that Cody actually had is kind of impressive especially for 28.
AND then! To become a carnie! Like sick move and also Cody lost all his money anyway but the financial disparity! Was Murph probably thinking of like an assistant manager position which would make more sense with Cody's vibe? Probably. Is it funnier to imagine that Cody had to make sales reports to corporate and design store planograms? Absolutely.
Cody was management.
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