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creweemmaeec11 · 3 years

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My favourite prompts:

A list of my favourite prompts that I’ve posted in the past, all curated into a huge list just for you guys!

Finally, the day has come. The villain is thought to be dead. The hero has won.

Until suddenly the hero learns the villain left them EVERYTHING in their will. Made them the owner and operator of all their illegal business.

Obviously, the hero plans to shut everything down immediately. But they quickly realize just how many people the villain employed… how many family’s they fed…

“You kissed me,”

“I did… and?”

“What-!? What do you mean and!?,”

“What more do you want?”

“An explanation would be a good start!”

“…or I could just do it again…”

*other person turns bright red,*

“Or… or that, I suppose,”

“What the hell are you doing here!?”

“I think the better question would be what in the hell are you wearing,” the villain replied, amusement clear on their face, like they were struggling to keep from laughing.

“What- it’s-” the hero blushed, remembering what they were wearing, “their pajamas! What are you-!”

“Oh my god…” the villain replied, like they were struggling to come to terms with what they were seeing, “the hero of the city not only own, but wears a onesie,”

“Excuse me!” The hero snapped in defence, “They’re comfortable!”

“They? You have more??”

“I gotta say hero,” The villain mused as they casually moved toward the cell bars, “I’ve been called many things in my life: monster, villain, outcast, loser, scoundrel,” they tilted their head, examining the hero before them, “but ‘our last hope?’” *clicks tongue* “that’s a first,”

You live in a world where anyone born with superpowers must become a super hero. It doesn’t matter what the power is, or how small it is, it is mandatory. It was deemed that having anyone with superpowers work alongside regular people was “unsafe” and “unfair.” Every year, dozens of superhero’s with powers useless for fighting are killed. You’ve managed to make it this long with nobody finding out you have a superpower. But how much longer can you hide in plain sight?

The city’s villain mysteriously disappears and hasnt been seen in a week. The people are celebrating, but the hero is worried. What if the villain is planning something big? Determined to stop whatever evil plan is brewing, the hero tracks the villain down, but they dont find what they expected. Instead of evil plotting, the villain:

-Has been taking care of a sick pet -Come down with the flu -Been helping arrange a friends wedding -Found out they were pregnant -Is getting married themselves -Mourning the death of a loved one -Has adopted a young pet and been occupied taking care of them -Has been helping one of their lackeys who’s in a desperate situation -Has been feeding the homeless and offering blankets

You’re the most wanted villain by all highest ranking authorities, but all the heros “just can’t seem to catch you” (they always let you get away) because all your crimes are things like stealing expensive medication and then donating it to hospitals, robbing toy stores and donating to orphanages, robbing banks and giving to charity, robbing grocery stores and feeding the homeless, ect

A hero/villain with the power to materialize their own tattoos. Got a wrench tattoo? Now you’ve got a wrench. Got a tattoo of wings? A bomb? A get away car? Well…

Dragon tattoos have always been popular, havent they?

Write about a genius inventor villain who, while watching the news, learns about a sick child in hospital doctors arnt sure they can cure. The villain realizes something theyve invented could cure the child. Now the hard part is convincing them to let the villain help.

The villain starts to notice the hero is feeling more down the usual, so they start leaving the hero little notes to cheer them up. All is going well until the hero figures out who is sending them.

In a world of magic users where everyone is divided into the 6 eye colours, and the colour of your eyes represents what your powers are. Each colour has an elemental power, can talk to a certain type of creature(Invertebrates, fish, amphibians, reptiles, birds, mammals), and has 3 other powers. For example, blue eyes control water, can commune with fish, etc. Everyone in the world has either red, orange, yellow, green, blue or purple eyes. Except for you, you were born with black eyes. Everyone is afraid of what your powers will be, but they should be more worried about the kind of creatures you can talk to…

A hero and a villain (and maybe their sidekicks, up to you) trapped in a haunted house or haunted location.

-One is scared so the other comforts them. They are both scared but trying to act like they aren’t. -One doesn’t believe in ghosts, and the other has the power to communicate with them or see them. -Ghosts aren’t real, but one continues to try and freak the other out, who claims they aren’t scared. -Ghost wingman. I need’ d say no more -One gets possessed, so the other has to do the whole ‘kiss to break a curse’ thing to bring them out of it. -The classic Person A thinks ghosts aren’t real so they prank Person B to scare them. Then shit gets real, but person B doesn’t believe person A, thinking its just another prank.

“I trusted you! You promised!”

“I kept my promise! I got you your results! Don’t question my methods from a top that high moral horse or yours, especially when the only reason you made a deal with me in the first place was because you were too much of a coward to do what needed to be done!”

The local wildfire has been growing out of control, forcing the city to have to evacuate. Suddenly, the villain with water powers shows up to lend a hand to fire fighters.

“Tell me hero,” the villain spoke, chains jangling from where they hung on the villains wrists as they walked up to the bars of the jail cell, “If you wanted to skip a press conference, could you?”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re sisters getting married, but your needed for a big event at the hero academy that day. Would you be allowed to attend the wedding? What about if your brother stole a pack of gum. Could you let it slide? Not would you, but could you?”

The hero paused. Could they? They had responsibilities! They had commitments to the city, and to the serving of justice!

The villain laughed at the heros silence, “I may be in jail, but you’re more chained then I’ll ever be,”

“So tell me,” the villain drawled, dragging a finger across the heros skin, making them shiver, “what changed your mind?”

Hero discovers the villain has a day job. It isnt at all what they expected. (Day care, animal shelter, etc)

“What are you going to do if you beat me, and suddenly the city dosent need a hero? What are you going to do if you get hurt and can no longer fight, and the city forgets about you just like all the heros before you? Who will you be when your legacy crumbles under the weight of all those who follow? Will you take up knitting?”

The hero stared unblinking and frozen as the villain took a step forward.

“Sure, your a hero. But what are you without that?”

The villain took another step forward.

“Your nothing, heroism is all you have. That pathetic title you curl up to every night. But without it?” They looked the hero up and down, “Absolutely nothing…”

A villain retires from villainy and gets plastic surgery (or simply never showed their face) so they can live a normal life without being recognized. While living their new life, they bump into the hero, and the two start falling for eachother. But the villain is terrified of the hero finding out the truth

The hero slammed their front door as quickly as they could, eyes wide, heart pounding.

The villain. The villain was outside their door.

“Well that was rude,”

A hero with magic powers, in a world where magic is unheard of. They have always kept their powers a secret, fearing they would be shunned, or tested on. They never use their powers in battle.

One day, while practicing their magic alone in the woods, the villain appears out of nowhere.

Before the hero can explain, the villain asks, “you have powers too?”

A hero dies. Or at least, they think they do. The next thing they know they wake up at their own funeral. And the only person there? Is the villain.

“The worst part, is you had the nerve to call it love”

#hero x villain #prompts #prompt #writing prompt #writing prompts #story prompt #fic prompts #hero x villain prompts #hero x villain prompt

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styleiconoscarthegrouch · 4 years

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The thing that is pissing me off the most about Ian and Mickey’s storyline is that it is so painfully unnecessary. There is plenty of material to mine from Ian and Mickey being ex-cons without any of the Paula hijinks.

Here’s how I would play out the season, still accounting for the need for comedy, without Paula. If any of this inspires you to write a fic please do! I certainly won’t.

Episodes 1 and 2 play out the way 2 and 3 did. Minus the stupid fucking nazi scene.

Episode 3 Ian gets out of prison. The episode would start with a short goodbye scene between Ian and Mickey. They both tell eachother that they’re committed to making it work, but it’s clear they’re anxious about being separated. Mickey thinks he still has several years left on his sentence and it’s unclear how much contact they’ll be allowed to have with one another, since as a parolee Ian isn’t supposed to have contact with other felons. The major story beats about the rest of the Gallagher’s not being home when he gets out play out the same way they did in episode 5. The biggest change is Paula. Instead of being crazy and corrupt, she’s just overworked and kind of an asshole. Ian ends up with some shitty menial job that is boring and kind of demoralizing (the Kash and Grab would be a nice full circle because it would emphasize the ways in which prison set his life back).

Episode 4- I think this would still be an Ian light episode and I wouldn’t include Mickey so that we could really emphasize his absence. Ian is struggling to readjust to being back in the real world. His job sucks, his family isn’t really around and on top of all of that he can’t even talk to Mickey. If the goal by the end of the season is to get them married then right now we want to be laying the foundation that Mickey is Ian’s family now, not his siblings (the same way the show is actually doing this with Tami and Lip). The point of this episode is to really emphasize that Ian needs Mickey.

Episode 5- Mickey gets out! This time he doesn’t try and brake out and we’re given an actual explanation for why Ian doesn’t pick him up- he legally can’t. We can even still get the scene of Mickey climbing in Ian’s bedroom window, but this time it’s not because he’s scared of the cartel, but because he doesn’t want his parole officer to know he’s seeing Ian. We get a longer reunion scene and a scene where they talk about the future. There’s a lot of joy because they’re both out, but Ian is really worried, they can’t legally see each other, how are they supposed to have a relationship? He’s worried it will be like when they had to hide from Terry. Mickey will reassure Ian that it will work out because it has always worked out in the past, but it’s clear to the audience he’s also a little unsure. It’s important that the audience see Ian voice his concerns about how they’re going to make it work, so that the seeds for his proposal are planted. It needs to be clear that Ian is actively looking for a solution, but it also needs to be phrased in a way that Mickey could misinterpret it, so that when they go to get married the first time we can have a big misunderstanding and brake up.

Episode 6- Secret domestic Gallavich! Mickey adjusts to being on the outside. Legally he’s living with his cousin Sandy, but he’s trying to spend as much time as he can with Ian. He gets a parole officer that is over invested and we can get the sitcom hijinks the writers want from the two of them sneaking around trying to see each other. Also some domestic cuteness. The episode ends with them getting caught by Mickey’s parole officer. They’re able to buy him off but it’s wipes out any money they had stashed, if they get caught again they’re screwed. Now we’ve raised the stakes for the audience.

Episode 7- Ian comes up with the idea to marry Mickey. There are laws that allow parolees to have contact with other felons who they are legally related to so Ian comes up with the marriage scam. Mickey is unsure about this plan (they would still need to get a judge to agree and write an exception into their respective parole agreements) but he loves Ian and agrees to go through with it.

Episode 8- Failed courthouse wedding. Ian and Mickey are getting ready to get married when Mickey gets cold feet. We finally start to deal with some of Mickey’s abandonment issues. Maybe Lip makes a joke about Ian saying “fuck no” to marrying Mickey back when he first got out of prison (this is honestly something i think the writers might do). We get a big dramatic ugly couple fight that brings up two important points, 1. Ian has left Mickey more than once when things get hard, and 2. Mickey has never had a relationship outside of Ian. If their scam marriage fails Ian still has his family, Mickey has no one else and that’s a scary prospect especially because Ian doesn’t even actually want to marry him. The episode ends with Mickey giving Ian the ring back and leaving with Sandy. Ian is heartbroken

Episode 9- This episode starts with Ian at the Gallagher house, he and Lip have been fighting because Ian blames Lip for Mickey calling off their wedding. Ian is already wearing the ring on a necklace. Because they didn’t get married (which their parole officers know about) Ian really can’t contact Mickey so he’s using Sandy as a go between. Sandy says that Mickey needs space and that Ian needs to back off. We then switch focus to Mickey. Sandy, who is out and proud, is determined to help Mickey rebound. Mickey doesn’t really want to rebound but he still feels like shit from their fight in the last episode (all the times Ian cheated and the dudes he dated after Mickey was locked up definitely came up) so she lets her make him a Grindr profile and or take him to a gay bar.

We get several very bad dates/conversations but just as it looks like all is lost we meet Vespa guy and he’s funny and charming and kind of reminds Mickey of Ian when they first met and yeah maybe he’s also kind of boring but he’s nice to Mickey and Mickey deserves that. They go on a date and it’s going pretty well when they run into Ian. It is instantly clear that Vespa guy is just a poor imitation of Ian, but Mickey sees this as a chance to make Ian jealous. It works and Ian ends up proposing dramatically. Mickey says no but agrees to give Ian another chance. Vespa guy just sort of leaves annoyed because it’s clear that nothing is going to happen between him and Mickey.

Episode 10- Ian is determined to win Mickey back! Things are still awkward between Ian and Mickey after Ian’s failed proposal, but Ian is determined to prove his love. The episode starts with Ian convincing Mickey to go on a date. We follow Ian and Mickey on their date around the city (we need hijinks so they are once again trying to avoid Mickey’s parole officer) and they finally start to talk about their relationship. After spending all day together, they once again end up at the dugouts. Mickey is still feeling a little unsure about their future but Ian gives a big romantic speech about how Mickey is the only person he’s ever really wanted and how lonely he was when he got out and Mickey was still in prison. Ian proposes again and makes it clear that even if Mickey says no he’s going to stick around and keep asking. He’s going to ask Mickey everyday until Mickey believes that he’s serious. He’s going to wait as long as he has to because Mickey is the love of his life and he isn’t willing to live without him. This time Mickey says yes and they go to the Alabi to celebrate their engagement.

Episode 11- Ian and Mickey start to plan their wedding. Ian is a little surprised Mickey is so invested in the process, but Mickey explains that his first wedding was horrible and he wants to make sure that his wedding to Ian is as different as possible. He’s maybe a little bit of a bridezilla but it’s fun and clear that he’s just super excited to make Ian his husband. Unfortunately Terry finds out the wedding and burns down their first venue. Mickey is devastated, and Ian is worried that the trauma will make Mickey reconsider their marriage, but it actually just makes him more determined to have the biggest gayest wedding he can.

Episode 12- Mickey and Ian get married! It’s Ian and Mickey’s wedding day and everyone is rushing to get everything ready. As Mickey is getting ready to leave for the venue, Terry shows up and they have a confrontation. Terry leaves but there’s still a chance he’ll try to do something to ruin their wedding day. The wedding goes off without a hitch and Ian takes Mickey’s last name because it’s what we DESERVE. The reception is underway when Terry makes one more apearence. This time he is run off by the Gallagher siblings before Mickey or Ian can even talk to him because Mickey is family now and the Gallagher’s take care of their own. The season ends with Ian and Mickey riding off into the sunset.

#ian gallagher #gallavich #mickey milkovich #ian x mickey #shameless

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jess-rewatches-prodigalson · 4 years

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Episode 15: Death’s Door

Here we go. Edrisa is a treasure. (NOTE: This was written on April 19, 2020. Episode 19 had not yet aired.)

Thoughts and spoilers ahead.

0:27 - Malcolm is really scared here. He’s guilt ridden, sad, and scared. Listen to the way he apologizes to Dani. Yikes.

1:00 - I feel so bad for Malcolm here. Power of attorney and medical proxy? Martin is screwing with Malcolm’s emotions even while in a coma. Malcolm looks close to tears here and Dani looks like she wants to give Malcolm a hug.

1:55 - This isn’t what Sophie is wearing in the 1x17 flashbacks. Sooo this truly is fake right? At least most of it is? Ugh. I want answers so badly.

3:02 - Gil is not having a good day. He does not like this turn of events. He’s shocked that this has happened. He thinks Jessica is covering for Malcolm AND he’s super worried about Malcolm, Jessica, and Ainsley.

3:30 - I find the interaction between Ainsley and Gil in this scene interesting. It’s not familiar. They definitely had a relationship as Ainsley grew up. Maybe Gil and Ainsley aren’t/weren’t as close as Gil and Malcolm but Ainsley is definitely comfortable around him.

3:40 - Jessica trying to protect Malcolm is really sweet but it’s still scary. I wonder if Gil is getting in trouble because this was an incident that was directly related to his case.

3:51 - Holy hell. In the precinct lighting Malcolm looks...awful. He’s exhausted.

4:40 - I love Jessica’s gentle concern for Malcolm here. She’s usually pretty intense when she’s worried about her children. It’s really nice to see the softer, more nurturing side of her motherhood. ALSO - JT knows something’s up. Look at his expression.

4:46 - Can we just all take a moment to appreciate the comedy of this episode. 1 - Malcolm stabbed his father in the heart. hahaha it’s just so ironic. AND 2 - Jessica has Martin’s defence attorney listed as “The Devil” in her phone. This woman is vicious and I respect the hell out of her.

5:05 - hahaha OMG. Edrisa telling the 4th precinct to move over because her team is coming. hahaha Dani looks so amused by Edrisa’s antics. I love it. AND Gil. Dude that man doesn’t get paid enough - he’s a full time father, full time detective, and full time peacekeeper. He looks so done when Edrisa tells him what she’s done.

5:35 - OMG. Edrisa looks like she’s going to explode with excitement here. hahaha she’s freaking precious.

6:25 - This crime scene is whack. Straight up.

6:54 - hahaha JT and Gil simultaneously say “Don’t say it.” Does that mean that Bright brings up necrophilia a lot? Because he only really mentions it a couple of times in the first few episodes. DANG. Now I have a headcanon that the team has a text thread and Malcolm just keeps spewing facts about necrophilia on it and the whole team is done with it.

7:00 - This is concerning. First of all - Malcolm looks super manic and way too excited about necrophilia. Why is Malcolm so interested in necrophilia? I mean - I guess it’s kind of an interesting phenomenon....but super gross?

7:13 - JT and Gil look like they want to put Malcolm on a psych watch right now. They really think Malcolm’s mental health has spiralled to the point of no return. They’re very concerned. ALSO - JT expressing verbal concern for Malcolm is everything. Let’s hear it for character growth.

7:30 - Edrisa looks way too into this conversation.

7:40 - See that. JT knows. JT thinks Malcolm tried to murder his Dad. JT actually looks sad about it.

8:20 - Huh. So Everett Sterling got Martin his fancy cell and consulting privileges. Does that mean that Sterling works for Endicott? Sterling sounds like a super high end lawyer. Martin was a well-paid doctor but he definitely didn’t have access to Jessica’s wealth during the trail. I don’t think Martin could’ve paid for a lawyer like Sterling. So, maybe Endicott was paying Sterling extra on Martin’s behalf.

8:41 - Oh no. Oh no. Poor Jessica looks terrified.

8:55 - “Could be about your dad.” Gil looks concerned, bitter, and angry. He’s angry because the Carousel Killer put his kids, co-parent in a really bad position. He’s angry because he knows that Malcolm is lying to him. He’s concerned because he’s about 90% sure that Malcolm stabbed Martin. He’s concerned because he knows Malcolm’s mental health is taking a nasty nosedive right now. He’s bitter because he’s not Malcolm’s Dad and he couldn’t protect Malcolm from this.

9:23 - Listening to Malcolm and Edrisa nerd out about embalming is adorable. Malcolm actually looks happy, albeit a bit manic, for a moment. It’s just icing on the cake when Gil reigns Malcolm in from his impending long rant.

10:40 - Not cool Ainsley. Not cool. You just about gave your brother a literal heart attack simply because you want information. As usual, Ainsley neglects everyone’s well-being when she’s on the hunt for information.

11:30 - This is an interesting scene. Ainsley and Malcolm are concerned for their father’s health - and they feel guilty about it. They know he’s a terrible person. They don’t respect him. They don’t like him. But he’s their father and they’ll always love him. That’s a really hard thing to wrap your head around - I know from experience. This scene portrayed that effectively and accurately. Mad props guys.

12:45 - Even if this whole hallucination is a fake - it’s really upsetting to see how easily Martin could transform between monster and good, kind, loving husband. It’s so messed up.

13:05 - I love that JT, Edrisa, and Malcolm walking in together implies that they rode in the same cop car. I can just imagine Edrisa and Malcolm nerding out while big brother JT drives in exasperation.

13:50 - Dude. Malcolm is definitely projecting here. “Struggle making relationships in the real world” Yikes. The team sees it too - they look concerned.

14:14 - Edrisa’s excitement at being included in the part of the investigation that doesn’t involve dead bodies is so freaking precious.

14:25 - Yo. Malcolm is on the verge of a panic attack. I do not like this.

15:11 - “Your Mom is the one who stabbed him.” - Malcolm looks like he’s going to cry as soon as Dani says that line and my heart breaks.

15:35 - I love this. Malcolm looks so concerned and sad for Dani when she tells him about her Dad. Dani really trusts Malcolm enough to tell him that. Dani looks like she’s going to cry here - which just about kills me. I know they’re fighting here - but this is a really important moment in their friendship. Conflict is a part of life and they’re reacting to it like mature adults.....also I would now like more info about Dani’s family. Is her mom alive? How’s their relationship? Does she have siblings?

16:15 - OMG. Can someone please get Malcolm out of this building? He is not looking good. This is maybe the worst place for him to be right now.

17:08 - Dani is a hero. She’s pissed at Malcolm right now but she still comes out of the woodwork to rescue Malcolm from his emotional turmoil.

17:41 - Tilda insinuating that Malcolm is damaged is so out of line. He’s a stranger to her. Dani looks so taken aback and pissed at Tilda here. Malcolm looks ashamed and sad - as though Tilda is already confirming his thoughts about himself.

19:07 - How does Ainsley know how to contact Sterling? She was 5 when he was her father’s attorney? ....never mind let’s just assume she did some investigating as usual.

19:16 - “Quiet for a moment while I focus on my traitorous offspring.” hahaha OMG. Comedic gold. Jessica is straight up vicious and I love it.

19:20 - This conversation between Jessica and Sterling is kind of amazing. She’s right - this dude sucks. He got a serial killer off of death row and actually got him a super cushy life. I’m sure he didn’t intend to have Martin continue to make Jessica’s life hell - but he has and that’s partially Sterling’s fault. What annoys me the most about Sterling - is that he doesn’t even look sorry about what Jessica has been through. He’s a total snake. He’s involved with Endicott somehow. Mark my words.

20:24 - He’s a really good manipulator. Look at how he almost has Jessica convinced. Ugh. Gross.

21:40 - Gil is done. You can tell that he’s alarmed and concerned bu he’s like “OMG. I have two idiots. Why did I keep the two idiots with me? I could’ve sent one of them with JT and Dani.” Malcolm looks alarmed too. I wonder if Malcolm is realizing that this is how other people feel when he does stupid, reckless stuff without thinking. Malcolm also looks just a tiny bit amused that Gil is mad at someone who isn’t him. As someone with a brother let me tell you when Mom/Dad are mad at the other sibling for once - it’s a good feeling.

22:16 - Poor Edrisa. This girl has some non-sexual performance anxiety issues. I can relate. It’s crippling.

22:35 - Awww...Malcolm is such an idiot. He’s an idiot with a good heart but he’s an idiot. Look at how pissed he is with himself when he realizes his words came out wrong. Gil looks pissed at Malcolm too. Poor Edrisa looks hurt by it. :(

23:13 - I love how Gil is so panicked that he empties the mini-bar. Look how much booze he brings. hahaha

24:00 - OMG. Gil looks like he wants to hug Edrisa as her shaky hand removes the booze from her mouth. <3

24:15 - Gil and Dani’s conversation about Malcolm is really sweet. They know that they’re the two people (besides Ainsley and Jessica) who are closest to him. They’re so worried about him. And can we all just take a moment to revel in the gorgeously delivered line “Dani. Keep an eye on our boy.” Ugh. I have so many feelings.

26:30 - So does this mean Martin feels guilty about the crimes he committed? I thought psychopaths couldn’t feel guilt?

27:07 - OMG OMG OMG. I HAVE A THEORY. What if (in this hallucination) Sophie is a placeholder for Endicott? I mean - what if Martin’s subconscious is afraid of Endicott but, since Endicott and Sophie are linked in his mind, his subconscious is showing him Sophie? What if Martin is really afraid that Endicott is going to kill Malcolm, Jessica, and Ainsley? The way Sophie is talking here “I’m coming for your family.”/”Your boy dies first.”/ “You know exactly who I am Martin. I’m a very real person” it feels like Endicott is tied up in this. What if Endicott was Martin’s partner and he betrayed Martin?!?

27:55 - Gil is super concerned about Malcolm here (which is normal for him and totally makes sense in the given circumstances). BUT you can also see that Gil is really struggling with Martin in the hospital too. Martin tried to kill Gil. Gil has watched Martin manipulate and traumatize his children and ex-wife for the past 20 years. Gil hates Martin. Gil also hates watching Malcolm suffer. Gil is torn about how to feel regarding Martin’s current condition.

28:40 - This is such a great moment. It sheds some light on the very real, complicated relationship that Ainsley and Malcolm have with Martin. Yes - Martin is a super scummy person. Yes - they don’t respect him, like him, or support his past decisions. However, he’s still their father. Part of Ainsley and Malcolm will always love him because of that bond. As much as they hate him - they also love him.

29:15 - This is a super sweet mother/daughter moment. I wish Jessica were this good a mother to Ainsley all the time.

30:13 - Anyone else concerned with how openly Ainsley is admitting to being purposely manipulative?

30:33 - Why is Malcolm in the interrogation room with Gil and Tilda? IDC. It’s a cool dynamic.

30:50 - “Freeze their relationship like it once was.” ....oh boy. Malcolm you are projecting. Does this mean Malcolm wants to go back to before he stabbed Martin? OR wayyyy back to before he turned Martin into the police? The latter is hella concerning.

31:15 - “It’s not worth your life.” Dang. Now Gil and Malcolm are having a secondary conversation in front of Tilda. This is great! Gil basically just told Malcolm that he knows Malcolm and Jessica are lying to him. He just told Malcolm that this mistake isn’t worth his life. This is perfect. I’m in love.

31:45 - Malcolm looks deeply grossed out at the mention of the necrophilia. This is good for his mental health. BUT he was so stoked about it earlier? I guess he finds the idea of it really interesting but the reality of it super nasty?

32:44 - AGAIN. Props to Malcolm for being a mature adult. He goes out of his way to call Edrisa and apologize. He knows he screwed up and he’s taking responsibility. Why can’t all humans do this?!?

32:50 - I love how obviously Dani is hovering so she can listen to Malcolm’s conversation. She’s super concerned and it’s precious.

33:05 - Look at how sad Malcolm looks when he’s talking to Edrisa. He’s concerned about Edrisa’s lack of confidence and the fact that she isn’t interacting with him as usual.

33:20 - hahaha I love how the thing that Dani pulls from Malcolm’s list of things wrong with Edrisa is the fact that Edrisa didn’t want to talk to him.

33:35 - Ugh. I hate Eve. She’s such a double-crossing b**ch. However, I will admit that I’m happy that Jessica finally has a friend. I just wish she could find a less shady friend.

34:45 - deep down?!? DeEp dOwN?!? Girl! Malcolm is a good dude. He has trauma and he’s a little weird but he’s such a good dude......just more reason for me to hate Eve.

35:00 - Look at how relieved Jessica is. This isn’t relief because she’s secured a lawyer. This is relief that her only friend isn’t going to abandon her like everyone abandoned her after Martin’s arrest.

35:21 - Well. At least he called for backup. Baby steps.

36:36 - Awww... Edrisa is being so brave. I am so proud. I’m also super proud of her for very subtly continuing her fight with Bright. Malcolm looks so sad btw. He knows he messed up.

37:50 - Malcolm is projecting again. He’s also showing visible signs of having sympathy for a killer (as usual).

38:50 - So does this mean that Malcolm is going to tell Gil the truth? That’s what his projecting sounds like.

39:22 - Awww...Edrisa is so proud of herself and JT giving her a compliment is so sweet. Especially since he usually has no patience for Edrisa’s antics.

40:15 - “You’re the one I like talking to.” ahhhhh my Brightwell heart is soaring. Look at how vulnerable both of their faces are. They are so happy to have each other as friends. They’re learning to trust each other and I love it. Malcolm apologies for being a jerk to her too - I’m telling you : This. Is. A. Responsible. Adult.

41:01 - Ten year old Malcolm’s room is cute. You can tell that he wasn’t a typical little boy who loved sports. He has a globe and pictures of animals on the walls. He has a model of a castle. This little boy is a tiny, nerd. He’s curious and bookish.

41:35 - So this means that Martin was abused by his father right? Am I supposed to have sympathy for him - because while I despise child abusers and abuse in general, Martin killed people. I feel bad for the little boy Martin used to be who was abused. I don’t feel bad for the monster he became.

42:45 - “I’m always in control” So...if Sophie is really Martin’s subconscious’ projection of Endicott does that mean that Martin is the one in control of that relationship?

Thanks for hanging out!

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sambart93 · 5 years

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2019.02.04 and 8th Amakuhanaize 3 [Review]

Official Website here Official Twitter here Official Online Store here Press Coverage 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

CAST and CHARACTERS

Itokawa Yojiro as Amami Annojyou Sakata Ryuichiro as Amakusa Tenshiro (10 Jin Actor) Futaba Kaname as Kakao Chiyota Futaba Yuu as Kakao Masubee Domoto Shohei as Sakamushi Manji Magoshi Takumi as Anou Kikai (10 Jin Actor) Matsushima Yunosuke as Haniitera Kazu (10 Jin Actor) Kajihara Hayate as Ogura Kanyou Mitsutake Shinnosuke as Origo Touji (10 Jin Actor) Yashiro Takuya as Kurumi Yuzunosuke Nishihara Kenta as Ameyatsu Nekichi Sekioka Mark as Clotted Scone (10 Jin Actor) Oribe Yoshinari as Shougoin Korekiyo Urashimantarou (Guest Act for Tokyo) Sato Chuuki as Kuzukiri Kuromitsu Nagome Jin as Taffe Natsu Shogun Aoki Shunsuke as Abekara Shinobu

As you can tell a lot of their names are things from dessert or sweet things (that's the whole theme and point xD)

NON-SPOILER REVIEW

Overall: This is the first time I’ve been somewhat disappointed in a Bancho stage. It was bound to happen eventually! Every time they’re one-upped, one-upped their performance, their stories, the quality, so we were bound to get to one sooner or later that just doesn’t quite reach the bar. This one is it. Don’t get me wrong!! It’s still: a very good play; lots of good comedy, lots of great acting, lots of really memorable moments, very funny, very enjoyable. But some aspects just weren’t good enough or at the standard of previous stages. I personally felt like there was too much exposition and explanation about the history and time period they were in (I found it unnecessary). I also felt like this was one big advertisement for 10 Jin Actor; I noticed pretty quickly that ALL the scripted comedy and all the major spotlight moments were given to them. Even though Yojiro and Kaname are supposed to be the main leads, I saw more scenes and more moments from the 10 Jin boys than from anyone else. So it definitely felt like this big 2 hour advertisement and push for their popularity. I also felt like it was their least funny play. I still laughed A LOT but you would expect a silly play like this to always be cranking out the laughs. I didn’t really laugh much during the first hour or so, but the final hour to 90 minutes are very funny. However, that first half is just a lot of character and history set up. The Bancho Boys themselves really got to shine during all the adlibbing. They pretty much adlibbed most of the time and of course they were more than capable, and got a lot of laughs not only from the audience but from the rest of the actors on stage which is great -- I personally love when actors break out of character and can’t stop laughing themselves, it just proves how much fun they’re having too! I have to say, seeing them (especially Yuu and Kaname) break into laughter on stage was the biggest reward for me and my favourite moments. Rating: 7/10 - Not their best but definitely not a bad play either.

SPOILER REVIEW

MAIN STORY

So Kaname plays a struggling chocolatier who has many worries as Valentine’s Day gets nearer. He falls asleep at a shrine after praying for his work to go well. When he wakes up, he’s back in the beginning of the Meiji Period (late 19th Century, 1868) in Fukuoka where his ancestors are from. He meets his ancestors and a range of characters who are trying to get through life during this difficult time of Japan’s transition to modern/western styles. In usual Amakuhanaize style, there is a food battle between the two opposing groups.

That’s the basic premise. I’d probably break the characters up into different groups though:

Running/Staying at an Inn and Minding Their Business: Kaname, Yuu, Domoto, NishiKen, and Magoshi.

Modernising Japan Team: Oribe, Hayate, Origo, Mark, Urashimantaro, Chuuki, Nagome, Aoki Shnusuke

Want to Protect Japanese-ness Team: Yojiro, Takuya

Converting Christians: Sakata, Yunosuke.

So there are really four different groups but some band together and that’s how we get two rivaling groups towards the end, a few of them switch sides and such too throughout the play, but this is at least how they start.

GENERAL COMMENTS

Depending on who wins the chocolate battle -- there is a 10 minute break towards the end of the play where we can try the chocolate they 'made' for that show and then vote which we prefer -- the ending is a little different. I was lucky that I got to see each person win between the two shows I went to! So I'll quickly write the difference between them:

1. If Amami/Yojiro Wins: Tenshiro walks off depressed but Kazu/Yunosuke runs after Tenshiro and tells him he'll always be there for him and Tenshiro feels better. 2. If Tenshiro/Sakata Wins: Yojiro comes back on stage and attempts to commit seppuku with an icing knife (is that what they are called? *googles* ... nope it's called an Icing Spatula! Well now we all know don't we ^_^) but obvious he is not serious about it and he tries to be positive about it.

Either way in the end he is able to open a pastry shop and welcomes in customers and has a grand opening. So the very last scene doesn't change just the scene immediately after the Win/Lose moment.

There is one part that is higawari and it's the night before the chocolate battle when all the boys in Yojiro's group have to answer some questions. The two questions are: What to Say When You Get Choco, and Choco You'd Hate to Receive.

My favourite scene without a doubt was the matsuri/festival scene and the opening dance number. In the matsuri they have this super fun dance number which just left me smiling from side to side. They looked to be having so much fun and were smiling too and the song had a great beat and the dance looked so much fun too! It was/is definitely my favourite scene out of this stage!

I have so many feelings about the characters in this. I enjoyed quite a lot of the character (why are we not surprised) so I'd like to just flail about them a little.

Character Break Downs and Comments

*I'll refer to them all with their actual real names though! Sorry if that's confusing.*

☆ Yojiro: Is one of the last remaining Samurai who are trying to hide from the changing political powers in Japan. I honestly don't know what to say about Yojiro... even though he's supposed to be one of the main roles, he had hardly any time on stage. And when he was on stage, he was playing a character I've already seen many times before from him. He didn't play anyone interesting; he didn't play anyone new; he had a very safe character and there was nothing amazing at all about his acting this time around. He was just alright both in terms of character and acting.

☆ Sakata: Catholic/Christian Priest in Japan. I went in really thinking I was gunna fall for this guy, but I ended up not liking his character at all. And just like Yojiro, he's advertised as a main role but was hardly in it! I can only remember about 2 scenes he was properly in. I am upset he ended up being an uninteresting character because Sakata himself has such a fun auro about him. He seems like a really nice and a really fun guy! Also he plays priest who is trying to spread the word of God... I am personally not a religious person and I prefer my stories not to have religion in it so this is just a me thing. His character IS a nice and good person but I just wasn't interested.

However, there is one good moment I liked from Sakata. There is a scene where he is capture and locked up but while talking to the guard, he all so easily opens the jail gates and gets out. But then like the good person he is, at the end of his scene, he gets back in the jail and closes the gate again xD

☆ Kaname: Chocolatier from Present Day Tokyo who Time Slips into 1868 Fukuoka. I really fell for his acting in this!! I really, really enjoyed his acting and his character! Also his dancing is very good! You can tell all that Tenimyu training really paid off! He character was fun and he had some ridiuclous moments and sometimes unfortunate things happen to his character too which was funny! And of course there were some classic moments with him and YuuKun which created hilarity too!

☆ YuuKun: Kaname's Mother and Ancestor, Also an Inn Owner. On my first viewing, I was 99.99% sure he plays a female this entire play but actually he just plays Kaname's mother in the beginning but then in the time slip he's a male ancestor of Kaname's family. But it would totally make sense if he played a woman the entire time. He has his onee-san voice for the entirety of the play! Also his character in the past is obsessed with a male Kabuki actor, his personality is very faint and soft and weak-looking, it would've made sense to have him as a girl the entire time xD SO in my mind he DOES play Kaname's mother and great grandmother the entire time hehe I absolutely loved how he plays a fan. He plays a Kabuki obsessed fan and he said a lot of stuff that the audience could clearly relate to and the way he flailed over stuff and spoke so passionately about his oshi/bias was so relateable and so much fun to watch! He was GREAT!

Once I saw the play, I soon understood why Kaname and YuuKun had both dyed their hair back black. YuuKun had to because he was playing a historical role, and I guess to make to MORE obvious they were playing family relatives xD

☆ Domoto: A Drunkard Who Lives at the Inn. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t ACTING drunk for this role xD his drunk acting was great! I also really loved this one scene bewteen him and Takuya:

- Takuya pretends to be a simpleton passing by when Domoto attacks him and of course Takuya, being a samurai, can dodge the attack and Domoto is super impressed and responds 'oh you not just a normal person at all. No normal person can avoid and react that well' but Takuya thinks Domoto will sell him out to the police but Domoto's character is a good boy so stays quiet and protects him. It was such a simple moment but I really liked this scene.

Also Domoto's eye makeup is so nice up close!!! I got a good look when I took chekis with him and it really is nice! There is one other moment from Domoto that really hit home for me. Lately, I've been having a really rough time mentally but this simple line from Domoto gave me so much strength: "None of my friends made it through the war. They can't drink stupidly. They can't wear flashy over the top clothing. I living their life as well as mine." It really hit home but it gave me strength that I really need right now.

☆ Magoshi: A Crazy Inventor Living in the Inn. His character had two very funny personalities: when his goggles were off he was very confident and very sane. But whenever he wore his goggles, he became geeky as F. He gave everyone many many laughs with his flawless switching between the two roles! He did very well! His name was also a play on words. His name is Anou Kikai which means 'That Chance' but also 'Ano' is what you say when you want to say something, it's the English equivalent of 'ohhh / ahhhh / ummm' when you want to start saying something. So many times Kaname's character wanted to offer to help or wanted to suggest things but he always started with 'Ano = Ummm' and Magoshi would immediately butt in like 'Anou Kikai shall do this task!' and Kaname always looked so sad every time he got shot down xD

☆ Yunosuke: Sakata's Disciple. He has a very interesting story arc and his character development is very fun! I don't quite remember how he ends up like this but Yunosuke very quickly joins the 'money' side of society and gets obsessed with gold and flashy jewelry and he is very ridiculous and very hilarious. He gave me a lot of giggles with his overconfidence and with his loud voice and his ridiculing of others! But then towards the end, he sees Sakata give guidance and attention to someone other than him and he just completely explodes with jealously, which again he does in a very hilarious way. I thoroughly enjoyed his character! And he is beautifully tall and very good looking. It's a shame he's only 19 because he was gorgeous. I really liked his character and how he looked!

☆ Hayate: A Reporter. He was a reporter who turns from a dirty gossip reporter to a report who actually wants to do good for the people. He gives Oribe a run for his money because he's constantly following him and trying to get the true story. Hayate showed off his skills throughout this play with his acrobatics and his flips. He would make an entrance by flipping, or in some fights he got caught up in he would do a flip, or during the dance scenes he did some hiphop spin moves. So he really find many chances to show off what he can do; I assume this is part him personally enjoying doing these stunts and part him showing what he can do incase casting directors turned up to the stage.

☆ Mitsutake: Oribe's Henchman/Guard. I absolutely loved that he got nicknamed 'Beard / Hige' by Sakata in this. It gave everyone giggles everytime he was called xD I also loved his character arc too! At first he's on Oribe's side but thanks to Sakata, he has a change of heart and decides to do the right thing and starts helping us just because he should, because he wants to, and because it's the right thing to do.

☆ Takuya: Yojiro's Disciple/Follower. Takuya is getting so damn good looking as he gets older! I don't know why but as soon as he came on stage in the semi-modern samurai attire and his sword, I was in LOVE! I absolutely adored his look! And with is now longer hair!! OH MY!!! Seriously, he's gunna be dangerous soon. He's still only 19! *cries*

☆ NishiKen: A Neighbour Near the Inn. Luckily there was no black face or racism in his character this time xD he was just a neighbour who is slightly strange. He's dressed like a fox and helps out at a local matsuri/festival. I really liked the opening scene which is just him and wooden blocks and with the blocks he starts a beat and gets everyone in the audience clapping and singing We Will Rock You but then is like 'you're so loud! Shhhh!' which is ironic. He's always the most loud xD

☆ Mark: British Politician. I really really enjoyed his pompousness and the stereotypicalness of his British character. Also loved the American Accented English words he would speak. He was a fun character, he had this funny way of walking too; he would skip or spin in and out of his entrances which were very amusing. I also loved his outfit and his hat.

☆ Oribe: Japanese Politician/Leader. He had a very small role which made me upset but he was still good! I like how he spent most of his time running away from Hayate but then the moment he realises someone else's corruption he runs to Hayate like 'I'll tell you everything! Just please protect me!!' xD he looked very dashing in his suit!! But again, I was like 'damn how are you STILL only 18?!' xD His dancing during the two major dancer parts were wonderful!

Now onto some differences between the two shows!

First Show

☆ There is a scene where Yuu pushes Kaname to the side. But at my first show, Kaname went flying the end of the stage and into the stage light because of Yuu’s push, and Yuu threatened to do it again but Kaname was like 'No it's okay! I learnt my lesson! Just don't do it again!' he was half smiling as he stood up and rubbed his back and butt xD

☆ Akira and Shuji were sat two rows in front of me and during a scene where Hayate runs around the theatre, he spotted them and was like 'you look very familiar... aren't you (enter their Amaku Character's name)?' but both of them got really nervous and shy and denyed it, hoping he would leave quickly xD

☆ For the Higawari scene, I remember Mark having a drawing of Domoto, and YuuKun's answers were always baseball references xD

Second Show

☆ The second show was a hot mess of hilarity! Everyone, the cast AND the audience, were just high on giggles. The entire play there were so many line mess ups and the boys couldn't stop laughing for most of the time. Even when they tried really hard, they ended up breaking halfway through their lines and such. It was so much fun seeing all of them completely break xD I'm glad it was my second viewing and not my only viewing of it. Maybe if it was my only viewing I might've been a little miffed but because it was my second viewing I could just enjoy the ridiculousness that went on!

☆ YuuKun didn't push Kaname as hard this time so when Kaname asked for the chocolate back, YuuKun just gave it back nicely hehe

☆ For the scene where they had to give an answer to: What to Say When You Get Choco, Mark's answer was all in Filipino and everyone was like '????? what did you just say?!'

☆ Because everyone was high on something, during Sakata's very important line of serious, he held it together right well until right at the end of his line and he just broke into a squeal of laughter. Everyone was dying.

NEGATIVES

A lot of these points are just extensions of what mentioned in the non-spoiler section:

☆ I realised very early on that the 10 Jin boys were getting more lines and more moments and more comedy than our Bancho Boys so it really did feel like an advertisement for their acting group.

☆ Also this is the first time I’ve been somewhat disappointed in a Bancho stage. This is a SOLID installment but it was just the weakest one I’ve watched of theirs so far. Especially after the amazingness that was Nemurenai Hitsuji and Saraba Gold Mountain (review) that we got last year.

☆ I was very much expecting for myself to really like Sakata Ryuichiro (especially with the whole blonde look -- we ALL know how I feel about blondes!), but I ended up finding his character really, really boring, and he was playing a heavy Christian believer (side note: I am Agnostic after being brought up in Catholic education for 12 years) so I personally lost all interest in him straight away.

PHOTO & CHEKI TIME

I got chekis with my usuals: YuuKun and Domoto! As usual they're both just so great! Even though it's a small, minute moment, it still means a lot to me.

So first I went to YuuKun and can he get anymore perfect?!?!?!?! He's just the sweetest fucking thing every time! And he always takes the lead and asks me questions and such xD So our conversation was:

Me: Otsukaresama desu / Thanks for the good work Yuu: OH! Thank you! I asked to do the heart pose but just before it's taken, he prods me, 'hold on. let's move over here, it's a better place. Is that okay? Are you ready?' so naturally I was like 'oh, okay. Yes! I'm good!' so then we took the picture. Y: Did you have fun? M: Yes I laughed a lot! Y: Don't forget our lives too! M: I already have tickets! Y: Oh thank you! M: And I'll come back on Friday (to see this) Y: Oh really? Thank you! *hands me the cheki* bye! *waves* M: Bye! *waves*

Then with Domoto...

M: Otsukaresama desu / Thanks for the good work D: Thank you! You too! Do the heart pose and take chekis M: I'm really sorry I was too sick to come to your birthday party. D: Oh don't worry about it! It's fine! Please don't apologise! M: Really? Oh thank god. *hands me cheki* M: get home safely! D: You too! *mutual wave*

I finally got to properly apologise to Domoto which made me feel a lot better xD Also I love how awkward he is in the chekis. He has such an awkward adorableness hehe

At the end of every show too there was a 'Photo Time' so here are some I took:

And that’s that!

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sahmommamang · 5 years

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What is on your mind, Mang?

Something Facebook ask every single day when I am on it the first thing in the morning.

What is on my mind?

Friday is on my mind, Chloe is on my mind (she just called for mommy), bills is on my mind, Texas is on my mind and the current song I’m listening to is on my mind; Tequila by Dan + Shay.

Honestly, I thought today was Friday. I wish it was Friday. Brike and I are heading out to a surprise birthday party. Super excited about it. It’ll be a night away from the kids, but I know they will be in good hands with my sister. So you know about a year ago, I had a mental breakdown (I was drunk, I’ll admit that, lol) in front of my sisters and sister-in-laws. I cried and cried on how stressful, depressed and lonely I’ve been and how much I've shut down and how much I’ve thought about committing suicide.

After that night, I’ve never been so alive! I got the biggest hug ever from my sisters and I felt relief.

So my little sister told me, she’ll grant me a “babysitting your kids once-a-month” so you could get your sanity back and just because you deserve a little break. And you know what? I look forward to these once-a-month thing. I feel so much better. It could be a dinner date, going over to friends or maybe even out of state! My little sister has been so loving and let me allow to do something little for myself while she cares for my babies. The most is going out a night with friends and we’re home first thing in the morning. I know it’s only a one time a month kind of thing, but is that too much for a mom? For some odd reason, that stumble in my mind.

“Am I going out too much?” “Is staying overnight too long?” “Is that okay?” “Will take make me a bad mom?” “Do I need to just stay home?”

Yeah, those things pops up in my mind. I know, I might be crazy to think that, but I don’t know. Maybe because I’m bound at home 24/7, I feel a guilty leaving my children behind for a few hours/a night to have a little fun. You know? Does that make any sense? Tell me I'm just crazy and not use to it. Sigh*

I mean, we don’t do anything crazy. Just going to a friend’s house and have a few drinks. Laugh, laugh some more, play card games, maybe dance a little if I am feeling the groove, sleep, wake up and head back home. Haha, it’s nothing too extravagant! Not hitting the clubs at all. Sometimes we do go bar-hopping and that’s it. Yeah, I really don’t know how to have fun, but that’s fun to me. Maybe because my friend is also a mom too!

Anyways, that’s what has been on my mind lately and I just needed to jot it down in my blog.

Other than that, TEXAS has been on my mind.

Only 4 people know about it. Not including Brike, because he’s on it first. Not me, but HIM. Yes, him!!!

On that note, we might relocate our little family to Texas. You know, follow my sister Yer and her little family. They moved since summer and we are thinking about moving to there too. Texas has been so good to my sister! Like, they are balling. They are not struggling how they were when they lived here in North Carolina. Even when their rent is $1,400....they still have extra money to splurge! Like what even? Who doesn’t love that?

When they lived here, rent was only $400, but they were struggling so much. They lived paycheck to paycheck & was trying to make ends meet. They couldn’t splurge at all. They couldn’t do the things they are doing in Texas. They are happy now. My sister told me that for the first time in their life, they don’t have to worry about not having enough money anymore and THAT’S WHAT I NEED. That’s what Brike and I need. We want to live comfortably and not have to worry about not having enough money, not having to count coins and exchange it at coin star and not have to keep asking my brother for a few bucks because we are short on bills or need groceries. We want to live the life my sister is living and has been planning to move to Texas so we could have that life too.

So, if all goes well, we will making that BIG move over the summer. Wishing all will go well. Praying for many good blessing our way and for my little family.

Sigh* my fingers are about to fall off typing this, but I’m glad I got it off my chest and mind. I feel relief. I need to blog often. It’s my happy place. My happy place.

Oh, did I mention that Brike got a new job? Again? I know. He isn’t driving an hour to work anymore!! He’s down the road now. 60 minutes versus 8 minutes? HECK YES. It’s so good to have him home for lunch now. It makes the day go by extra faster when he is home for lunch! It’s so easy to have him home right away if there’s an emergency. It’s so good to have him close by home now and I absolutely love it! The pay isn't good, but he will hustle harder to get us going by. I didn’t like it, but it is what it is and that’s okay.

I’m just happy that things are slowly falling into place. Kinda. I mean, we did went back to square one, but we will work our way back up again. I cannot wait, but good things come to those who wait. Everything will be alright, as long as Brike and I have each other, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. Anything.

Last but not least, Brike and I celebrated 8 years of wedding anniversary not too long ago. I still cannot believe that we have been together for that long. It surely felt like we were just newly wed and I guess that’s the good part. It keeps the fire burning....hehe. I love him so much and I know he knows that. I think I remind him too much, but you know, it’s okay.

Alright, I’m heading outtttttt.

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oneweekoneband · 6 years

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Look at these dweebs with these yellow outfits and mullety, spiky hair. How young and innocent. I think this is from March 2006, about five months after debut, so their ages range from 18-22 in this. I’m going to helpfully use it to introduce them to you! It’s a long post, but there’re a lot of members; bear with me.

1) Yesung (Kim Jonghoon). Best singer in the group, at least for the first several years. Has not been taking care of his voice, got vocal cord nodules, got them fixed, didn’t improve his technique afterward so is probably going to get them again. Known for doing his “octopus dance” whenever he is prompted to dance solo. Says that Super Junior is not actually friends, but they succeed as a group because they have good working relationships with one another. This is patently not a statement blanketly applicable to everyone else in the group.

2) Kim Ryeowook. Currently #2 best singer in the group according to your writer. Maknae, if you can still call him that, now that he’s 30. Is a tiny elfin little man who wears comically high lifts in his shoes. Tends to generally strike me as “your weird little brother,” and in defiance of his general image, has a history of performing the most “adult” solo songs in Super Junior concerts. Is possibly the least successful member of the group at looking or acting “tough” and “hard.” He is currently in the military (all South Korean men are required to complete around two years of military service at some point).

3) Kangin (Kim Youngwoon). Singer with a voice that’s consistent but not too exciting, kind of like the person you see at work every day who greets you in the exact same way each time. Probably the most successful member of the group at looking and acting “tough” and “hard”. Got in an actual bar fight in self-defense and has two DUIs. After the first one, they sent him to the military; after the second one, he’s on what seems to be perpetual hiatus. Not sure if they are ever going to let him participate again. I have mixed motherly feelings about whether he should ever be allowed to.

4) Lee Sungmin. Singer and sometime featured dancer. The cute chipmunky one who does lots of Chinese varieties of martial arts, and also the only one who is married. Despite being the most traditionally “cute” one, he’s struck me for some time as the most serious member. Some part of the fanbase is mad at him for being married, and for blatantly prioritizing himself and his fiancé/wife over ELF. Even his mom thinks he deserves it. Could he have been more sensitive about it, almost definitely, but does it merit ELF insisting that he not be allowed to participate in anything, and SJ/SM bowing their heads and acquiescing? Iiii don’t really think so. Do these things happen because SM thinks the hardcore semi-aggressive Korean fans (#notallKoreanfans) are all that remain or all that matter, and if they leave, there will be nothing left? You have lots of international fans who are much more chill, you maroons.

5) Kim Heechul. Singer and occasional rapper. Does not normally have hair this spiky. Is well known for running his mouth on TV, on all of the TV actually, and for looking like a girl. He doesn’t really do the girl bit much anymore and sanded off some of the rougher edges of his personality after coming back from the military, probably because being in the military gave him enough free time to grow up a bit. Basically went from “asshole” to “jerk with heart of gold”. Has several cats, loves Anna from Frozen, and is friends with lots of women in Kpop. Had a nasty car crash in 2006 that shattered his left leg, and it never healed quite right; dance routines are hell on it and he’s admitted that it’s caused him significant worry and shame as Super Junior prepares for their latest comeback. My second-place bias.

6) Leeteuk (Park Jeongsu). The oldest member and leader of the group; better at dancing than at singing. (tw: violent crime) Publicly struggles with depression, and this terrible thing that happened didn’t really help. Is a strong big brother who really works hard to make sure the group functions as one. Is simultaneously someone who has a tendency to say sexist crap.

7) Eunhyuk (Lee Hyukjae). Lead dancer and lead rapper. Bestest of the best friends with Donghae. Has the gawkiest face and compensates for this by doing the sexiest dances. Was acting leader of the group while Leeteuk was in the military, which coincided with a huge argument in the fandom about Zhou Mi and Henry, and he ended up having to make a statement about it at a concert, and then later when Leeteuk was back, Eunhyuk did an angry solo song and dance in the next tour about how fake fans would never understand him. I’m sure that wasn’t related at all!

8) Shindong (Shin Donghee). Secondary dancer and rapper, and occasional SJ music video director. Does a lot of hosting on TV in his spare time and was a comedian before joining SJ. Is the “fat one” of the group, and has therefore participated in many, many embarrassing fat jokes. Not embarrassing that he’s fat, just embarrassing for whoever had the idea, that they kept putting him in those situations. His weight has seesawed around for the last several years, but he says fat girls are gross, so that pretty much makes him an ass. Don’t be an ass.

9) Kim Kibum. Rapper and maknae. Went on hiatus in 2009 to focus on his acting career, and never came back. To be honest, probably the member of SJ that I feel the least about, because even prior to 2009 he was not a super-active member of the group musically; he didn’t feature much on songs, and he wasn’t in any of the subunits. His contract expired with SM in 2015, and therefore I don’t technically count him as a Super Junior member anymore. He has a surprisingly beefy neck in some videos, and had better English skills than probably anyone else in the group while he was still active as a member.

10) Han Geng. Former lead dancer. The only non-Korean member of the original 12, he is actually trained in 56 traditional Chinese dances. His Korean speaking skills were notoriously bad, which made it awkward every time they went on variety shows. Was visibly a lot more comfortable on Chinese TV. Eventually SM worked him so hard that he developed kidney problems, so in 2009 he sued SM, broke his contract, and went back to China, where he went on to have a successful acting and performing career. If this sounds familiar, then I’ll mention that I think EXO was originally intended to be a reboot of Super Junior, which makes it ironic that they had the same issues.

11) Choi Siwon. The “face” of the group. Probably the most famous member of the group to Western audiences, as he has appeared in a Jackie Chan movie! and got killed in it! Has a lovely chiseled masculine face and is rather tall and has many abs. Does more acting than any of the other members, to the extent that he sometimes does not appear in the dance portions of music videos because he didn’t have time to learn the routine. Always tours with Super Junior though and is as committed as everyone else. Also is super-mega-evangelical Christian and says he wants to be a missionary when Super Junior retires. Recently went through this scandal regarding his dog, in which I mostly want to shake Siwon by the shoulders and yell at him a lot. Is not on hiatus per se, but is skipping promotions for the new album.

12) Lee Donghae. Singer, dancer, occasional rapper, and bestest of the best friends with Eunhyuk. Known for acting like kind of a dope, and also for looking a lot like Amber from f(x), or vice versa. Lots of people ship Eunhyuk and Donghae because they are so close, and they ended up having to adamantly refute it on Chinese TV when the presenters started teasing them. Third-place bias because look at that faaaaace.

But that is not of course everyone, because that’s only 12.

13) Cho Kyuhyun. #1 best singer and #1 best bias thank you. Joined the group in 2006, because he had already been set to “rotate in” before SM decided to scrap the rotation concept altogether. “Evil maknae” because he likes to give the older members shit. I’ve seen subtitles of Korean shows call him “pessimistic;” I think “grouchy” might be a better word for it. Was involved in a terrible car crash in 2007, along with Shindong, Leeteuk, Eunhyuk, and Heechul; Kyuhyun nearly died and his voice was only spared because his father spoke up for him. He spent most of 2015-2016 promoting his technically-great-but-also-really-corny-and-boring ballad EPs (I hate that anyone even had the idea for this concert series) and I suspect he was getting burned out much like Heechul was; Kyuhyun is in the military now and I’m optimistic that he’ll come back refreshed. I wrote a much longer thing about him, which you can read here if you’d like. Suffice it to say, I identify with him a lot.

14 & 15) Zhou Mi & Henry Lau. Listed together even though obviously they are separate people, because they are the two controversial members of the group. This is because they were added in specifically for the Super Junior-M subunit, and ever since that day there has been much dispute about whether they are “real Super Junior members” or not. I think they are; SM-via-Eunhyuk says officially they are not, and for the sake of not ranting for paragraphs, that’s all I will say. Henry is Chinese-Canadian, can play pretty much every single instrument, and complained loudly enough about SM giving him nothing to do that SM gave him four singles in five months of 2017. He’s also best friends with Amber from f(x) and they’ve appeared together on songs. Zhou Mi is Chinese, is taller than Siwon, and is a sparkly sugarbun of cuteness with a gorgeous smile. Seriously, his legs are like six feet long on their own.

Now that we’ve gotten who’s who out of the way, we can move on to what Super Junior has to offer!

#super junior

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confessions-of-a-former-fat-guy · 7 years

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Confession 21: A boy, the Open, and that weird spinny feeling.

So that’s it. The 2017 CrossFit Open is over. I feel like I speak for most of us when I say, whew. A big sigh of relief is necessary for many this year, it seems. I don’t know if it was that all of the workouts (aside from 17.3 if you sucked like me) were long or if it was just that they were insanely hard (as they’re supposed to be), but I am beat up today. I’m proud of myself, as all of us should be, but I am beat up. I had a number of goals this year. The first was to do every workout as prescribed. Last year I only did two of the workouts Rx because there were so many movements I hadn’t figured out yet and weights I knew I couldn’t lift. It’s a year later and I’ve figured out most of the movements well enough to do at WOD speed. I’m stronger, so most of the weights are manageable. This goal I achieved and I’m really, really proud of myself for that. That in itself shows I’ve made a ton of progress. These are super hard workouts designed to test the fittest people on the planet. Now, I was nowhere even remotely close to performing the workouts at the level of a Games athlete. I don’t care. It has never been and never will be my goal to be a Games competitor. But the fact that I can complete these workouts that the fittest people on Earth are doing makes me feel pretty damn good. Whether you qualified for Regionals, did every workout Rx for the first time, or did every workout scaled, completing these workouts in any capacity is an achievement in itself. It’s impressive. And if you’re reading this and just finished your first Open or your tenth, be proud of yourself. You are impressive and strong and fit and a goddamn force to be reckoned with. You’re amazing. Give yourself all the credit in the world. These are tests and we passed and we came out on the other side better than we were. Go you. Go me. 17.1 was a burner. The introduction of the dumbbell to the CrossFit Open. I’m really glad they dropped the hints leading up to the Open (even if it was to sell out Rogue’s inventory) and our coaches had the wherewithal to program the dumbbell snatch in a WOD before it showed up in this workout. I did this workout twice because I was so close to finishing the 225 reps under the time cap that I just had to. I was 19 reps short my first try and 7 reps short my second try. Close, but not quite there. I was super bummed that I couldn’t get it done, but it was a new movement with a new piece of equipment and I wasn’t sure what to expect in the first place. Oddly enough the dumbbell snatches weren’t the problem. It was those goddamn burpee box jumps that blew my soul to pieces and left them scattered across the gym floor. F those things. Zortmans are not jumpers. When colossal d-bag Dave Castro announced 17.2 I was both excited and terrified. Dumbbells showed up again in the 100 lbs in the front rack walking lunge. Gross. Who thinks this is a good idea? I guess the guy who spent 7 days with corn rows at the Games last year, that’s who. But, the saving grace, the thing I was excited for, was bar muscle-ups. I just somewhat recently got my first muscle-up and was really happy to see them show up in an Open workout. Getting to them was another story. Those stupid lunges wrecked me and took far longer for me than they did for just about anyone else, it seemed. I struggled hard to get through the three sets of those before I could tackle the muscle-ups. I did, though, and I ended up getting 6 muscle-ups in that workout. My goal was 5, so I beat that. Yay! Gluten/sugar/frosting/taste free cupcakes all around. Through two workouts I was still feeling strong, excited, and confident about what I’d done so far in the Open. I was in the top third in the world and state for men. Much improved on my top 60% (or bottom 40% if you’re a dick) from last year. I felt really good about that. Another goal of mine was to be in the top 50% in the world, so to see myself in the top 33% felt really satisfying and kept my spirits up after two really hard workouts. Then, 17.3 happened. Strangely, this is the workout I did best on in terms of where I stood compared to the rest of the world, but it is the one that broke me. Chest to bar pull-ups, fine. Squat snatches? Not so fine. Probably the most technical Olympic lift and the one that haunts my dreams and leaves me waking up in a pool of sweat. My shoulders and groin hurt just thinking about them (and after 17.3, my pride). I knew going into this workout that if I got to the round with 185 lb snatches I was screwed. The heaviest I’ve ever done is 165 and that was as ugly as any snatch has ever been (I’ll leave that alone). I felt OK about the rounds of 95 lbs and 135 lbs, though. How disgustingly optimistic of me. I got through the rounds of 95 lbs fine enough, then struggled and failed on my first two or three attempts at 135, a weight I know I can do without many issues. I finally settled in and got through one round at 135 before my time ran out. This was the shortest workout for me since I didn’t get through the three rounds at 135 in under 8 minutes, but that’s all the time it took to crack my confidence. I fell apart after that workout. I came back the next day to try again and couldn’t get 135 as high as my waist. I struggled and failed for four minutes and stomped out of the gym ready to never come back. I wrote a long post about how I wasn’t sure I want to do this CrossFit stuff anymore. That I’ve lost my motivation and my love for it (see two posts ago). A lot of people stepped in and set me straight and I saw the light. I do still love CrossFit, but I needed rest, which isn’t something I had been able to admit to myself before. I’d also been having some issues with dizzy spells for a couple weeks, but they were very brief and weren’t causing me any issues, so I sort of just ignored it and went about my business. Leading up to 17.4 they had started to get a little worse. They were lasting minutes instead of seconds and were becoming much more frequent. So, at the urging of my girlfriend and many at the gym, I took a couple days off before I came in for 17.4, which I was excited about because it was a repeat from a workout in the 2016 Open that I knew I could improve on. My head wasn’t feeling great when I got to the gym that day, but I went ahead with the workout anyway. And I did better than last year. A lot better. But not as well as I know I could have. 55 deadlifts at 225 lbs, 55 wall balls, 55 calories on the rower, and 55 handstand pushups in 13 minutes. Last year I got through 27 calories on the rower before I hit the time cut off. This year I got through the entire row with a minute to spare. Awesome! 28 reps better in a full minute less. I’d have 60 seconds to work on handstand pushups, which I’ve never done in a workout before. Not so much. The second I stepped off the rower I almost passed out. I could hardly stand. Everything was spinning and my vision was going in and out. Instead of trying for a couple handstand pushups, I spent that minute (and about 15 after) trying to stay upright and conscious. Not good. I’d never felt that way after a workout. Not when I weighed 315 lbs. Not any time between then and now. It scared the crap out of me, so I took the weekend to rest. I had been feeling better and hadn’t had any issues all weekend, so I went in for the normal workout on Monday, which was fine. I didn’t have any issues before, during, or after the workout. Then, at work the next day the dizziness hit and never went away. I spent the whole day (and the next three) sitting at my desk in a fog trying to focus on my work and not falling to the ground. Something was pretty obviously wrong. I was, admittedly, terrified. So much so that I sped home in the middle of the day one day, woke up my girlfriend who was in the middle of working 6 out of 7 overnights (learned a lesson there), and told her I was pretty sure I was dying. I took the rest of the week off training because I wasn’t sure I could get through a workout or if it was even healthy for me to be out there. I went to everyone’s favorite chiropractor and felt much better. I didn’t have any issues with dizziness for almost three days, so I decided it should be OK for me to go in and do 17.5. As luck would have it, the dizziness came back about an hour before the workout, but wasn’t nearly as bad as it had been. I had made it this far and was committed to finishing the Open and doing this workout as prescribed. 90 thrusters and 350 double unders…yeah, all that up and down should be fine for someone dealing with dizziness issues…totally fine. OK, not so much. Somewhere in round three the dizziness kicked in HARD. My vision was going in and out and focusing on what I was doing was becoming seemingly impossible. I gutted it out and finished the workout, which I’m proud of. It took me probably 6-7 minutes longer than it should have since I spent so much time trying to rein my eyesight in, but I finished it and there it was, my goal of doing every workout as prescribed this year. Today as I write this I’m not sure where I stand in the world, state, or inter-gym rankings. I don’t care, honestly. I imagine I fell after 17.5, but it doesn’t matter because I hit every goal I had for this year’s Open. My body hurts and my head is still cloudy (which I’m being treated for), but I feel really good about what I was able to achieve. My body is truly capable of things I never thought possible, even when I’m not feeling anywhere near 100%. The improvement in what I can do over what I did last year is evident, obvious, and pretty freaking amazing. I did not qualify for Regionals. I did not finish in the top 10 in my gym (we have amazing athletes at Viral – you guys are animals). I probably fell out of the top 33% in the world. Whatever. I really do not care. This Open was hard. Much harder than I remember last year being. That may be credited to the fact that I did all the workouts Rx or cool guy Dave Castro upping the ante. I don’t know the exact reason, but it was freaking hard for everybody (except maybe Matt Fraser, but he’s a psycho – I mean that with the utmost respect). It was hard for me. I went through some stuff during this Open. A major blow to my confidence and self-esteem. Questioning if this is all right for me. Questioning myself as an athlete. Fighting through what, to me, has been a really scary health issue. It was hard. But as hard as it was, it was worth it. I proved some things to myself. I can overcome setbacks. I can push through pain and fatigue. I can take some rest when I need to. Hopefully others can relate or celebrate other successes. Maybe you PR’d your squat snatch. Maybe you got your first muscle-up. Maybe you were top in your gym of all scaled athletes. Maybe you showed up and did your best for all five workouts. Whatever it was, you did it. You should be proud. I know I am. I’m also very ready to get back to regular programming and training to do even better next year. Here’s to another Open season and to a clear head going forward.

#crossfitopen #crossfit #fitness #dizzy

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unixcommerce · 5 years

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Quiz: Is an Employee Stock Ownership Plan Right for My Business?

Employee Stock Ownership Plans, or ESOPs, are a terrific type of employee benefit plan. They are also a way for a small business owner to cash out and exit the business — and save on taxes. The quiz below will help answer the question “is an Employee Stock Ownership Plan right for my business?”

About Employee Stock Ownership Plans

Currently, about 6,500 companies offer ESOPs in the United States, covering over 14 million employees. About half of the companies offering ESOPs are small businesses, according to the National Center for Employee Ownership.

Under an ESOP, each employee can “earn” shares of stock and become an owner in the company. Think of an ESOP as an employee benefit plan designed to motivate and reward loyal employees. ESOPs are regulated by the Federal government as a retirement plan.

Here’s how an Employee Stock Ownership Plan works. The business sets up a trust to hold stock shares. Shares are granted to employees in trust. Within three to six years, the shares vest. Once vested, employees are entitled to the value of their vested stock after they leave the company. The company must buy back the employee’s stock at fair market value.

From the small business founder’s standpoint, ESOPs are a way to cash out and exit the business. If the owner can’t find an outside buyer, then setting up an ESOP can extract value from the business and transfer ownership to employees.

ESOPs have attractive tax benefits for the company, the original owner and employees alike. ESOPs are not the answer for every small business. But they have their advantages.

This informative quiz is an easy way to learn about how these valuable plans can benefit owners and employees alike. At the end of the quiz, you’ll see the answers explained.

Quiz: Is an Employee Stock Ownership Plan Right for My Business?

Results

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Awesome, you passed! Scroll down to see more details about each answer.

Thanks for taking the quiz! Scroll down to see correct answers.

#1 Does employee stock ownership lead to better company performance?

Yes, it can

Yes, when employees have a sense of ownership it translates into better performance.

According to one study, the adoption of an Employee Stock Ownership Plan led to 2.4% better sales annually. Productivity improved 2.3%. See data.

#2 Which of the following is NOT a good reason to offer an ESOP?

I want to motivate and reward my loyal employees.

I want the special tax benefits an ESOP provides.

I want to exit my company by transferring ownership to employees.

My business is in deep trouble and I expect my employees to bail me out.

Employee Stock Ownership Plans can do much good for the business owner, the company and employees. Here are 3 good reasons to set up an ESOP:

Reward hard-working and loyal employees by giving them extra compensation tied to continuing to work for the company. They get compensation based on the value of the company.

Help a small business owner cash out of the business, while still maintaining control for a time. This may be advantageous if it is hard to find an outside buyer for the business.

Provide tax benefits to all involved. ESOPs are employee benefit plans that have considerable tax incentives and financial benefits for the company, the owner and the employee.

However, ESOPs are not for companies in trouble. They are best offered by companies that are fiscally sound. According to the National Center for Employee Ownership, ESOPs are almost never used to save a troubled company.

Here’s why an ESOP is not a ‘hail Mary pass.” A company in trouble may have urgent needs beyond the ability of an ESOP to solve. Plus, almost all ESOPs are benefit grants by the company, rather than employees contributing money out of their pockets to buy in to the company. A struggling business won’t have the earnings to afford the contributions to fund the plan.

Read more about the benefits of ESOPs.

#3 Do employees have to pay cash out of pocket to buy shares in an ESOP?

Yes

No, usually not

In almost all ESOPs, the employee does not pay any money out of pocket to buy stock.

An Employee Stock Ownership Plan is really a type of retirement plan. Don’t confuse it with a stock option plan or a plan that lets employees buy public stock at a discount. It’s neither of those things.

In an ESOP, the company typically covers the cost of providing stock ownership rights. The company treats it as part of its total compensation and benefits package for employees.

#4 Can I pick and choose which employees to grant stock to in an ESOP?

Yes

As a general rule, an ESOP has to be open to all full-time employees over 21 who have one year of service, according to Federal ESOP rules. You cannot pick and choose certain employees to offer stock to.

In other words, you cannot decide to include some employees, but exclude others in an Employee Stock Ownership Plan.

There are also rules on setting a formula for allocating stock. Usually you have to pick a formula that applies to everyone. For example, you might grant the same amount to everyone or base it on relative pay levels.

#5 Is an ESOP expensive to set up and run?

Yes

Actually, yes, ESOPs can be expensive to set up and operate.

The National Center for Employee Ownership estimates the cost at around $60,000 to $100,000 to set up. You must pay for legal documentation, government filings, a valuation of the company, and the cost of an outside trustee.

If you have to finance the plan (i.e., have to borrow money to purchase shares), the lender’s requirements and interest may add tens of thousands more.

Then, once the Plan is set up, the ongoing plan administration can cost many thousands of dollars additional each year. See this break down of potential cost ranges.

Generally, you need at least 15 employees before an ESOP is worth it, according to the Center.

#6 Is an ESOP the same as offering a 401(k) retirement plan for employees?

Yes

No. There are a few similarities. But the plans are very different.

Similarities: Both an ESOP and a 401(k) plan are retirement plans. They both must meet Federal legal protections for employees. Both provide a benefit for employees.

Differences: There are many differences between them.

In an ESOP the company usually pays for the full benefit — the employee pays nothing. Under a 401(k), on the other hand, the employee has to contribute his or her own funds and the company merely matches a certain percentage. So an ESOP is better for employees who cannot afford to contribute anything toward retirement.

But an ESOP is not diversified. All funds are invested in the company. In a 401(k), employees can usually choose from many different investments.

For a good comparison between an ESOP and a 401(k), see this chart. And remember, companies can offer both types of plans.

#7 Do I have to give up control of my business with an ESOP?

Yes

Some owners want to give up control, exit immediately and do so. Others want to stay around for years. If you want to remain with the company and remain as CEO or on the Board, you can set it up to do so. ESOPs are flexible in this way.

#8 Does an ESOP give every employee a say in every decision?

Yes

No. Employees do NOT get a say in every daily business decision. It’s a common misconception that ESOPs create a big democracy where every decision is voted on. That is not the case. With an ESOP you still have a management structure.

Of course, one of the benefits of an ESOP is furthering an ownership mentality among employees. A good company with an ESOP adapts its management structure to be more participatory. It empowers employees to make decisions within their daily activities to do what’s right for the business. It creates a culture where employees think like owners. But that is not the same as voting on everything.

That said, employees do get some voting rights as ESOP shareholders over a limited number of major corporate decisions. For example:

Employees in an ESOP would have the right to vote on whether to shutter the business or be acquired.

But on the other hand, let’s say, the employee works as a checkout clerk in a grocery store. He or she would not get to vote on whether or not to raise or lower prices for products.

#9 I don’t have a successor to run my company. With an ESOP, do I still need a successor?

Yes

Yes, you still need a successor and succession planning! If you do not have a good successor to run the business as CEO after the owner exits, start recruiting or developing one.

Employee stock ownership typically does not mean that every employee gets a vote on every decision. Management is still necessary to provide leadership and make smart decisions.

Yes, an ESOP can help support a succession plan by giving an incentive for top managers to remain in place. But remember, an ESOP doesn’t change your basic management structure and is not a substitute for management bench strength.

#10 Which one of the following brands does NOT have an ESOP?

Davey Tree Expert Co.

Southwest Airlines

Gore-Tex

United Airlines

Publix Super Markets

Clif Bar

All of the mentioned brands have employee stock ownership plans — except United Airlines.

It’s no coincidence that many companies with ESOPs are known for their excellent customer service. A number have won awards for being a best company to work for.

Interestingly, United Airlines did implement an ESOP back in 1995. But after a short honeymoon period, the plan soon became a highly-publicized failure. The ESOP ended and the airline filed for bankruptcy in 2002. The company went from being the poster child for employee stock ownership, to become the poster child for “employee ownership doesn’t work.”

What went wrong in United’s case? Why did its ESOP fail so spectacularly?

It turns out that United entered into the plan for the wrong reasons. It wasn’t committed to the idea of employee-owners in the first place. The company never tried to foster an employee-ownership mentality. Even worse, the company used the ESOP as a club to gain worker pay concessions, which were opposed by unions or got only grudging support. It was using stock ownership to rescue a troubled company, without fixing the underlying issues.

Business consultants Bill Fotsch and John Case nailed it when they wrote in Forbes:

“What’s the difference between successful employee-owned companies like these and failures like United? One difference is that United’s plan involved those big wage concessions, which left a bad taste in a lot of mouths. By contrast, most successful ESOP companies distribute stock at no cost to employees.

Moreover, nearly all the research on employee-owned companies points in one direction: if a company doesn’t have participative management structures, if it doesn’t help employees learn to think and act like owners, putting stock into their hands doesn’t make much difference.”

finish

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Mark your calendar: October is Employee Ownership Month! Use hashtags on social media: #EOMESOP or #ESOPTOBER

Image: DepositPhotos.com remix

This article, “Quiz: Is an Employee Stock Ownership Plan Right for My Business?” was first published on Small Business Trends

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funface2 · 5 years

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The Dark Knight: 10 Hilarious Memes Only True DC Fans Understand – Screen Rant

It’s actually strange to think about how many dark and gritty comic book movies have come out in the past few years because that entire style of filmmaking pretty much originated with the astounding Christopher Nolan cinematic achievement better known as The Dark Knight. The Dark Knight was a complete game-changer for a lot of different reasons, and it’s the kind of movie that comic book haters can enjoy almost as much as comic book super-fans because it really is just that good.

RELATED: 10 Ways The DCEU Would Be Different If It Started With The Dark Knight Trilogy

And although now the film and TV marketplace is absolutely flooded with comic book inspired works, The Dark Knight still remains in a class all it’s own. Comic and movie fans alike still hold this film up as the gold standard of comic movies. So even though the film has a few years under it’s belt now, it is of course still the subject of hundreds of internet memes. And here are ten of the best.

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10 At Least It’s Excellent Cosplay

Batman is one of those kind of brilliant superheroes because while he does fit into a lot of stereotypical superhero ideals, he also seems like a complete lunatic sometimes. And Batman’s whole character arc in The Dark Knight seems to embody that pretty well. We mean yes, the Joker is obviously a malicious crazy person, but it feels like half the time that Bruce is pursuing him he’s only a stones throw (or as the Joker would say, a little push) away from completely going off the deep end.

But at least Mr. Wayne can always say that his cosplay is the sickest of all time.

9 There’s A Reason He’s Called The Joker

Look, saying that a penny for your thoughts is an obvious overcharge is rude as hell, but undoubtedly everyone on earth would rather be dragged by the Joker’s insults than literally dragged by the Joker. And let’s get real, this is the internet.

RELATED: The Dark Knight: 10 Hidden Details Everyone Missed In Nolan’s Batman Trilogy

You can’t charge for your thoughts anymore in a world where things like Twitter exist. Almost everyone on earth with working electricity is now sharing their thoughts for free even if no one wants them to, so anyone who is planning on making a living or even a decent side payout off of their brilliant ideas should maybe rethink their life strategy.

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8 Relatable

How are people still asking other people what their plans for the future are? If we’re lucky we’ll wind up in a world set on fire by someone like the Joker, but it seems more likely that we’ll all be eating cockroaches after a nuclear, robot, or zombie apocalypse. But honestly, the Joker should give himself more credit too.

He’s not a big planner to be sure, but he at least has enough personal investment in his appearance to keep up on his makeup and hairstyling. And if everyone is being completely honest with themselves, that still makes him a better planner than half the people on earth.

7 The Joker Was Undoubtedly A Cat Person

Dogs definitely have the kind of chaotic vibe that the Joker really thrives off of, but they’re far too sweet and well meaning to really be the Joker’s type of pet. They’re the chaotic good of the animal world, while Joker is the chaotic evil of the human world.

Cats aren’t so much chaotic or evil, but they do have a clear diabolical attitude along with a misanthropic outlook on life that matches up with the Joker quite well. Plus, there are few things that are more iconic in this world than the greatest villain on earth dramatically petting a cat like a creep.

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6 Maybe No Open Bar Then

There are two types of people in this world. The kind that needs quite a bit of liquid courage to get up and give a speech at a wedding, and the kind who needs to be sequestered from every drop of alcohol on earth before making any kind of public appearance.

RELATED: Every Christopher Nolan Film, Ranked By Their Rotten Tomatoes Score

But if everyone is being real, would having an unhinged Joker-like character at a wedding really be so bad? Most weddings are incredibly boring and unmemorable, but if some drunk dude showed up in full face paint screaming about someone called Harvey Dent then at least that would be some solid and memorable entertainment.

5 You Never Go Full Nic Cage

Heath Ledger’s performance as the Joker in The Dark Knight is one of the most beloved and iconic movie performances in the history of film, and with good reason. His willingness to commit to the role was so intense that he really did come close to going full Nicolas Cage. But you never, ever go full Nicolas Cage!

Only Nicolas Cage can go full Nicolas Cage, and even the man himself really shouldn’t do it half the time. Joaquin Phoenix seems like the kind of actor with the skill set who can at least avoid paling in comparison to Heath Ledger’s Joker, but it would have been interesting to see Mr. Cage tackle that role too.

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4 Gotta Grind Though

You know, a lot of people love the Joker, especially the Joker in The Dark Knight, for a lot of different reasons. But something that the Joker never seems to get his proper accolades for is his pretty solid work ethic.

We mean he talks a big game about creating complete chaos and embracing your inner madness, but he’s always making some pretty big moves. And of course, big moves usually require a lot of planning and work. So next time anyone is struggling to motivate themselves then it’s always good to be reminded of the fact that even the Joker has got to buckle down and grind sometimes.

3 So Kat Stratford = Harley Quinn?

Because honestly, Kat Stratford being the alternate universe version of Harley Quinn is an idea we can really get behind, especially considering how dirty Harley was done in Suicide Squad. Don’t get us wrong, Margot Robbie is amazing and Harley is too, it’s just… her relationship with the Joker in Suicide Squad was lacking to say the least.

RELATED: The Dark Knight Trilogy: 10 Questions We Still Want Answered

And Heath Ledger’s Joker may be a complete maniac, but we don’t think he’d be near the level of abusive creeper that Jared Leto’s Joker was for Harley. Kat Stratford could truly the feminist icon Harley Quinn that we all deserve.

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2 The Hug-xpert

Okay, while we appreciate anyone’s ability to put a good value on their skills and abilities, this particular meme raises a lot of questions. To be more specific, what in god’s name is a deluxe hug?

This is actually a beyond brilliant business plan, because two dollars is not a lot to ask and it seems like a safe bet that a lot of people would pay that two dollars just to learn what in the hell a deluxe hug actually is. And maybe that is supposed to be the joke! So this meme has really achieved some meme-ception here. And Inception is also a Christopher Nolan movie so the meme-ception has been meme-ceptioned!

1 The Sickest Burn

Watching Batman and the Joker square off in The Dark Knight is undeniably one of the most fun experiences that anyone can have in the cinema, and there is a good reason why The Dark Knight is still held up as the be-all, end-all of comic book movies even though there have been dozens of DCCU and MCU films since.

However one thing that The Dark Knight was sorely lacking was a simple game of the dozens, Bruce Wayne versus the Joker. That may have been an unfair fight though, since Bruce is downright humorless and the Joker undoubtedly has decades worth of yo momma jokes saved up for just such an occasion.

NEXT: Every Batman Movie, Ranked By Rotten Tomatoes Score

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makemoneyonlineprofit-blog · 5 years

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12 Retail Examples That Will Inspire You to Run a Better Business

https://120profit.com/?p=2340&utm_source=SocialAutoPoster&utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=Tumblr One of the best ways to get inspired in your retail business is to see merchants like yourself who are killing it. So for this post, we’re putting the spotlight on retailers that are doing a great job at running their stores. We handpicked a number of retailers (mostly SMBs) from various industries and highlighted some their successful business practices in this post. Our hope is for you to leave this page brimming with inspired ideas to implement in your business. Dive in below or select an industry from this list: Examples of fashion and accessory stores Do you run a fashion or accessories boutique? Here are some retail examples in your market that are worth checking out: 1. Gossamer & Grace Bra Fit Studio: a lovely shop that sells bras for women of all ages, sizes and body types Founded by Kelly Franko, Gossamer & Grace Bra Fit Studio (formerly Kelly’s Elite Boutique) in Cortland, OH, originated after Kelly grew tired of watching her mom struggle with finding a good-fitting bra. “I decided to start a new journey into bra fitting,” she said. “I love helping my customers find what they need. There are few places that offer what we do or provide the service we provide.” Retail practice we love Gossamer & Grace Bra Fit Studio is more than just a bra store. This boutique has professional Fit Stylists that handpick selections for each client. So, every woman who walks into the store enjoys a curated assortment of products as well as remarkable customer service that can’t be found anywhere else. According to Kelly, “I soon realized that I wasn’t really selling bras, I was selling confidence. Women often come in feeling unhappy with the way they look. Once supported properly, their outlook changes and they leave my store with a new confidence about their image. It’s a great way to serve others.” 2. Solfire: an athleisure apparel company with a big focus on building their community Solfire is a Brooklyn-based active retail company that launched just a few short years ago. Their goal? To create a strong athleisure apparel brand that brings together individuals who are passionate about fitness. Retail practice we love Two things make Solfire successful: first is their solid commitment to producing high-quality products. The company only works with manufacturers that meet their standards to ensure that everything they sell is top notch. Another thing we love is the effort that Solfire exerts to build a community and cultivate relationships with patrons. In their brick-and-mortar store, for examples, they set up a juice and smoothie bar along with a “fitness oasis” — an area for clubs to meet and exercise. Additionally, the retailer set up a community board to showcase “all the studios, all the places people sweat, all of that within the area around the store.” The folks at Solfire also gather customer details so they can further engage them. They do this by handing over their iPad POS at checkout, so shoppers can fill in their information. According to Solfire, they have a near-perfect customer engagement rate. Almost 100% of shoppers input their details so Solfire can stay in touch and inform them of happenings in the community. 3. Dresden: an eyewear retailer that sells personalized and sustainable products Dresden isn’t your run of the mill eyewear store. The company produces upcycled eyeglasses and sunglasses made from plastic waste and discarded fishing nets, then sells them at affordable rates. Retail practice we love In addition to selling great products, Dresden also offers an interesting in-store experience. Unlike other eyewear retailers that sell ready-made stuff on their shelves, Dresden lets shoppers create their own pair of eyeglasses or sunglasses. Starting from just $49, customers can get lenses and frames made up as they wait. They can choose their frame styles and color combinations, which means they can get a pair that’s made just for them. Key takeaways Ponder what you sell beyond your products. For example, at Gossamer & Grace, Kelly doesn’t just sell bras, she sells confidence. Apply the same thinking to your business and use the insights you gain to improve your customer experience. Focus on your community. Think of ways to bring people together in your store. Can you hold classes or events? Perhaps you can set up in-store facilities like what Solfire did with their smoothie bar. Can your incorporate personalization into your business? Is there a way to let customers “build” their own products through mix and match and other tactics? Personalization is growing trend. Consider exploring how you can use it in your business. Retail examples of homeware stores and gift shops If your store sells gift items or products for people’s homes, here are a couple of similar retailers that you can draw inspiration from: 4. Christmas Elves: a holiday store that grew 250% in three years Christmas Elves, as its name clearly states, is a holiday store that sells Christmas trees, lights, decorations, costumes, and more. The store’s owner, Jason McIntyre always loved Christmas, so when the chance to own a holiday store came up, he left his job as a software architect to follow his retail dream. Retail practice we love Jason implemented several action steps that led to the growth of Christmas Elves, but the thing we love most is his clever use of retail data and reports. Specifically, he looks closely at his sales velocity — i.e. the speed at which products are selling. “I have to place my Christmas orders in January or February each year, so we pretty much get one shot at purchasing. If I under-purchase and sell out then I lose sales opportunities. But if I buy too many or the wrong types of products then I’ll have to look into discounts and promotions.” That’s when the sales and velocity reports come in, he says. By looking at when sales spike and which products are selling the most, Jason and his team can get a clearer idea of how many units to order. Jason says he looks at sales velocity reports for specific products and their overall categories, and this allows him to figure out what items to order and if there are any related products that he could purchase. 5. MyDIY.ie: a multi-channel retailer that sells home improvement products MyDIY.ie is your go-to source when it comes to your home DIY needs. Whether you’re looking for power tools, decorating and wood care, or workwear, MyDIY has you covered. According to Alan Grant, owner of MyDIY, his business has experienced 30% year on year growth, and he attributes that success (in part) to smart inventory management. Retail practice we love Expanding their product range was one of the top actions that led to their growth, said Alan. “We’ve expanded our range by probably about 40%, but we really haven’t expanded our stockholding because we have to keep our stocks nice and tight,” he shared. “That has been a massive help for us. Before we would order 6 or 12 or 48 units of a product. But by looking at our inventory information from Vend and the previous years’ trading, we’re able to stay on top of stock purchasing and keep our inventory levels optimal.” Doing this also helped them offer more choices, which shoppers loved. “We offer a customer experience that gives them more options. If they’re looking for a hammer, they don’t have a choice of just three, they have seven different hammers.” Another great practice? The store uses their loyalty program to sell slow-moving products. According to Alan, they offer double or triple loyalty points when shoppers purchase items that the store wants to move. Doing so helps them move inventory without resorting to huge discounts. And since the effort is tied into their loyalty program, shoppers have an incentive to buy and come back. 6. TheSuperCool: a gift emporium that curates interesting objects from all over the world Based in Melbourne, this six-year-old retailer has a brick-and-mortar shop, an ecommerce site and a mobile store that serves as TheSuperCool venue for pop-up events. Retail practice we love We truly admire TheSuperCool’s commitment to “supporting small business makers that offer organic, fairtrade, and handmade products and helping their small family businesses grow.” TheSuperCool is also very in touch with their community and they use social media to drive word of mouth and traffic. “We’ve been in business for nearly six years, and we began as a mobile emporium that went to the people. We had no fixed address and would use social media to keep our fans on their toes with our next location. We’ve been fortunate to be recognized locally and internationally with awards for innovative retailing and visual merchandising,” says co-founder David “Noonie” Nunez. “Fast forward to now, and we’ve had 30-odd pop-ups in various locations, from two-day events to 12 months! We now have a huge emporium within the design space (SO:ME Space) of the iconic South Melbourne Market. And in the last two years, we’ve expanded into TheSuperCool Kid (offering all those SuperCool families a place to shop for their kids!).” Key takeaways Forecast demand by looking at the speed at which your products are selling. Pay attention to your sales and inventory reports and use the data to make inventory decisions. Do you implement loyalty in your business? If so, use your loyalty program to help move lingering stock. Strive to support other businesses that stand for something. It could prove to be a smart move for your company, as shoppers increasingly want to align themselves with businesses that focus on being ethical and real. Examples of sports and outdoors retail Looking for examples of sport and outdoorsy retailers? Here’s a couple that you’ll find super interesting: 7. Sitka: an environmentally conscious surf retailer that sells socially responsible goods Founded in 2002, Sitka was started by two friends shaping surfboards out of their garage. The business has grown quite a bit since then, and today, Sitka designs and sells clothes as well as outdoors goods that are sourced in the most environmentally responsible way possible. Retail practice we love We love how much passion and purpose goes into each of Sitka’s products. According to Sitka’s Managing Director Andrew Howson: “At Sitka, the products we create are unique and purposefully designed, and everything we make has a story behind it. Almost all of our decisions are based on environmental stewardship, encouraging others to learn about the environment, and teaching them how to become passionate about it. This, in turn, inspires many and puts a smile on my face.” 8. Rockets & Rascals: a bike-shop-slash-cafe that helps people fall in love with cycling Based in the UK, Rockets & Rascals is a bike emporium and cafe that sells high-quality bikes while serving top-notch coffee. According to Steve Toze, Marketing Director at Rockets & Rascals, their purpose is to share their love of bike riding with the community. Retail practice we love Aside from the huge focus on their creating a strong biking community, we love how Rockets & Rascals implements their loyalty program. The retailer uses a simple structure where shoppers earn loyalty whenever they spend money at the store. Best of all, the store doesn’t use physical cards. The entire loyalty program runs on their POS platform and all shoppers need to do to earn and redeem their rewards is to give their name to the cashier. “It’s a wonderful lifesaver for a cold, wet cyclist that’s come in without their wallet,” shares Steve. Key takeaways Be more thoughtful with your product assortments. See to it that each item has a story and purpose. This will help your merchandise stand out. And when shoppers can relate to the stories you tell, they’re more likely to become customers for life. Make it easy for customers to participate in your loyalty program. And if you’re still using physical cards, do yourself (and your patrons) a favor and switch to a digital solution! Retail examples in the food and beverage sector Moving on to the food and beverage space, here are some F&B merchants with delicious products (and awesome retail strategies and tactics): 9. Grain & Vine: an omnichannel retailer that sells boutique wine and spirits Grain & Vine’s purpose is to give people a better way to shop for beverages. Their spacious and easy-to-navigate store features a curated assortment of drinks from all around the world. Grain & Vine currently has 10 employees, two New York outlets, and an online shop. Retail practice we love Grain & Vine is truly an omnichannel retailer. They sell in-store, online, and on mobile through same-day delivery apps such as Postmates, Minibar, and Drizly. All of their sales channels are tightly integrated, so inventory and product data are synced across all platforms. How do they juggle their POS, ecommerce, and delivery apps? Two words: tight integrations. Grain & Vine takes advantage of the solid integration between Shopify and Vend to ensure that they’re able to stay on top of sales and inventory. The two systems can “talk” to each other and share data in real-time — so when orders come in, Grain & Vine’s inventory is synced across its physical and digital stores. As for the different delivery apps, they use an XML file to sync their inventory with the apps. According to Michael Nagdimunov, the shop’s owner: “We’ve created an XML file that constantly pings our Shopify platform for inventory updates. And because Shopify and Vend integrate almost natively, both inventories are always in sync. Those XML files are then being sent to our providers [i.e. delivery apps] and they, in turn, have constant access to updated inventory. That way, we’re never in a situation where they sell something we don’t carry.” 10. Collingwood Olive Oil: an olive oil and balsamic vinegar tasting bar and retailer Collingwood Olive Oil is run by Alex Yuen and Cheryl McMenemy, a husband and wife team based in Ontario, Canada. Founded in May of 2014, they source and sell the freshest extra virgin olive oils, along with a selection of natural balsamic vinegars. Retail practice we love Collingwood Olive Oil is all about the customer experience. According to Cheryl, customers can taste any product before buying, and they ensure that their employees are well-trained and are true product experts. Collingwood Olive Oil has won plenty of awards because of this. They’ve earned accolades such as Small Business Owners of the Year, Innovative Business of the Year, Metroland Reader’s Choice: Favorite New Business, and #1 Retail Shopping in Collingwood on TripAdvisor. Key takeaways If you’re selling food and beverages, let your customers experience your products through taste tests. It’s a fun experience! Plus, it will help shoppers find the best product for them, which in turn leads to higher satisfaction! Are you selling on multiple channels? You should. A study of 46,000 shoppers found that 73% have used multiple channels throughout their shopping journeys and those shoppers are more loyal and spend higher amounts in-store and online. Check our in-depth guide (with detailed steps) on how to seamlessly sell online, in-store, and on mobile. Examples of electronics retail Now it’s time to put the spotlight on high tech retail. Here are a couple our favorite electronics stores. 11. LifeLine Repairs: a retail chain that offers repair services for your electronics LifeLine Repairs is a chain of 20+ stores that provides repairs for electronic devices including smartphones, tablets, and computers. Retail practice we love LifeLine’s local expansion strategy is remarkable. With over 20 stores across the US, LifeLine has managed to strike a great balance between brand consistency and localization. According to Kestas Masanauskas, the Chief Operations Officer at LifeLine Repairs, they’re able to achieve consistency by standardizing their processes and equipment. For instance, all of their stores use the same point of sale system (Vend) and their headquarters shares and uploads products to the various locations. They also have standardized procedures and use guidelines and flowcharts to provide information on things like equipment handling, inventory storage, and more. As for their local strategy, Kestas says they do a ton of research when expanding to a new location. Then, Kestas and his team cook up unique outreach initiatives for each market. For example, when they established a new store in Boise, Idaho, the LifeLine Repairs team discovered that the location has an incredibly strong biking community. So to grab their attention, the retailer ran an event where people can borrow bikes for free. 12. Sennheiser: a brand that uses retail to help customers experience sound in a whole new way Sennheiser is a leading global brand specializing in the design, production, and retail of both consumer and high-fidelity audio products. Retail practice we love Sennheiser is known for their amazing concept stores in various parts of the globe, but some of our favorites are the popups that they set up in New York City (one in SoHo and another in the Westfield World Trade Center) in 2016. Both stores allowed New Yorkers to experience Sennheiser sound first hand through their products and innovations. According to the press release: The new SoHo store has been designed to transport visitors sonically and visually: Stepping into the store guests enter via the sound tunnel, which has been carefully engineered to damp external noise levels bit by bit – making the buzz of the city streets outside recede as you go further inside. This transition in sound is complemented by what you see. The tunnel brings visitors into an area where large screens show the company’s core: the Sennheiser logo, a milestone product from the company’s 70-year history and Sennheiser’s vision to shape the future of audio. Key takeaways If you’re running multiple stores (or are planning to), be sure to find the right balance between brand consistency and localization. Check out what LifeLine Repairs is doing and see if you can apply their tactics to your business. Make your store more experiential. Find a way to make people feel like they’re entering a new world when they walk into your shop. Your turn We talked about some amazing retail examples in this post, but now we’d love to hear from you. Can you name retailers that are thriving in today’s market? What are some of the things that they’re doing right? Let us know in the comments. About Francesca NicasioFrancesca Nicasio is Vend's Retail Expert and Content Strategist. She writes about trends, tips, and other cool things that enable retailers to increase sales, serve customers better, and be more awesome overall. She's also the author of Retail Survival of the Fittest, a free eBook to help retailers future-proof their stores. Connect with her on LinkedIn, Twitter, or Google+. 120profit.com - https://120profit.com/?p=2340&utm_source=SocialAutoPoster&utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=Tumblr

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flauntpage · 5 years

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Please Do Not Blame the Officiating – Ten Takeaways from Cowboys 29, Eagles 23 (OT)

Don’t let the God-awful officiating distract you from the real reasons why the Eagles lost this game:

the offense was appalling for the better part of three quarters

the play calling again disappointed

the kicker missed a crucial extra point

the defense eventually ran out of steam after a Herculean early effort

It’s not to say that the officiating was amazing, because it wasn’t. It was utter shit. But for whatever reason, we as Philadelphia sports fans generally default to the most rudimentary and emotional reactions, and last night the reaction was to blame the referees and casually ignore everything else this team did wrong.

Of course the Dallas Goedert “pass interference” and non-fumble on the opening play really hurt, but the Eagles also:

went 1-9 on third down

didn’t do enough with a +2 turnover margin

got crushed in time of possession

did not/could not run the ball

fumbled in the Dallas half of the field

All of those things contributed more to the loss than two bad calls by the officials. These issues comprised multiple plays over multiple series over multiple quarters. The referees made two obvious screw ups on two plays. The former is a larger sample size than the latter.

The most reasonable take, therefore, is this:

The Eagles got screwed yesterday but did nothing to help themselves.

Story of the season, yeah? They did nothing to help themselves.

With that, the charade is over. This team was likely going to get hammered in Los Angeles next week anyway, especially with the Rams coming off a bad road loss. They might have had a chance at home against the Texans before likely going down to Washington to beat up on Mark Sanchez again.

This is a patchwork defense featuring some guys who weren’t even on the team four weeks ago, so that does that continue to hold up? And even if they did get into the playoffs at 9-7, then what? They maybe scrape by Minnesota or Seattle and then get smoked in New Orleans or LA?

This was supposed to be the “new norm.” The new norm is not 9-7 and a playoff win. The new norm was returning to the Super Bowl. It was taking your franchise quarterback and building a dynasty. The bar was raised this year and they failed to clear it. The injuries piled up. They didn’t make the big plays when necessary and they lost a lot of close games.

Shrug.

It happens to a lot of defending champions. 9-7 was never good enough in the first place, so now we move on and look forward to next season.

1) Passing and/or running

I believe this ended 35 to 11 in called passes vs. called runs because of the short-side option that Carson Wentz ran for a loss in the first half.

Therefore, the Eagles finished with a 76/24 split in terms of passing and running.

You just can’t win a football game that way, not with this personnel. And it’s not like the Eagles fell behind early and had to abandon the run game. It was a 3-0 at the end of the first quarter and 6-0 at the end of the first half, so there’s no reason they couldn’t have tried to establish the running a game a bit more, especially after an opening series in which Josh Adams ran the ball for 30+ yards on three carries. Losing Corey Clement probably dashed whatever they were going to do in the screen game, though they could have tried to use Darren Sproles a bit more. He only had four touches on the day while Adams finished with a whopping seven carries.

Last week the Eagles pulled off a really nice 60-40 pass/run split while showing various shotgun and under center looks. It was a nice blend, and it wasn’t like they were playing with the lead the entire time. Washington went up on the 90-yard Adrian Peterson run, right? You have to commit to running the ball in a one-score game, otherwise you end up with what we got last night.

2) He can’t put together a complete game

If you’re Carson Wentz, a strong finish can’t make up for a poor start. If he actually did something in the first two quarters, maybe this game wouldn’t have turned into a mad scramble for overtime.

Carson just does not look as… I don’t know what the word is… aware? He doesn’t seem to have the same pocket awareness and sense of urgency that he did last season. He is not “feeling” backside pressure and he’s very flat on his feet when setting to throw. He’ll often take a snap, turn, and go completely flat-footed when going through his progressions.

There was one play specifically where he saw a blitz coming and missed Nelson Agholor on a flat pass that would have gashed the Cowboys for 10+ yards. He missed Goedert wide open on a short flag route in the first quarter and then almost killed Alshon Jeffery in the third quarter when throwing a slant about a yard behind him.

The storyline coming into this one is that Carson had to go out and prove that he was a big game quarterback by giving us a great performance, and we didn’t get a great performance. We got three touchdowns and a 69 completion percentage, but we also got a bad fumble and just one third down conversion on nine tries. Dak Prescott, who threw two horrible interceptions, made up for it by completing 42 of 54 passes (77.7%) and hit two receivers in stride for critical scores. Dak had two touchdown throws that were better than anything Carson did on Sunday, including the pass that found Agholor on the one-yard line and saved the Eagles’ bacon.

Carson just hasn’t been situational Carson this year, and that’s the key here. He’s putting up good numbers and you’ve seen flashes of brilliance here and there, but he’s not the third down guru he was last year and he’s not the same quarterback in the pocket. You can’t go out and play 1.5 quarters of decent football.

3) The defense

They played an incredible game, all of them except for Sidney Jones, who looked like the hamstring was bothering him a lot more than I originally thought. I have no doubt that it played a role in his second half struggles.

This is a depleted defense that forced three turnovers after creating just nine in the prior 12 games. The tackling was excellent on Sunday, spearheaded by future safety Rasul Douglas, who made a couple of key stops in the first half that gave the Eagles’ loser offense a chance to stay in the game. The defensive line made some plays in the fourth quarter as well and put the Cowboys into a 4th and 1 in overtime. They did everything they did while spending a ridiculous 45 minutes on the field, which includes back-to-back drives to end the fourth quarter and begin the extra period.

I don’t blame them one bit for not getting the stop in overtime. If the Eagles offense actually did fuck-all in the first half and moved the chains, the defense wouldn’t have been cooked by the time we got to the fourth.

If you want to criticize Jim Schwartz for anything, criticize him for putting De’Vante Bausby 1v1 with Amari Cooper on that killer play in the second half. I know he doesn’t have a ton of options with all of the injuries piling up, and Corey Graham needs to take a better angle on that play, but there’s very little margin for error when deploying guys who weren’t even on the team four weeks ago.

4) Things that make white people comfortable

I have not given enough props to Michael Bennett this season. He’s been a monster on the defensive line.

In this game alone, he had two massive tackles for loss and a forced fumble to go along with five quarterback hits and seven tackles.

I also loved the patience he showed on that Prescott keeper, where he held his ground and didn’t bite. This is such a savvy play:

For everything Howie Roseman got wrong this offseason, he definitely got this one right.

5) the NFL overtime rules are a joke

There’s no justifiable reason for allowing a game to end in overtime without both teams getting an offensive possession.

You can say, “well the defense has to get off the field,” and of course that’s true, but we’re gonna sit here and rely on a coin toss to determine who starts with the ball? After four quarters? That’s what we’re gonna do? Just tweak the rule to make it like college. If a team scores any points on their opening possession, then the other team gets the ball with a chance to at least match it.

If you want to understand how ridiculous the rules are, try applying them to another sport, like basketball.

Say the Sixers are playing the Nets. You flip a coin and the Nets win the coin toss. If they score a three-pointer, they win. But if they hit a two-pointer, the Sixers get a chance to match it. Spencer Dinwiddie comes down the floor and hits a contested three-pointer. Game over.

How is that fair?

Baseball:

The Phillies get to bat first. If they hit a home run, they win. If they score on a sac fly, the Mets gets to bat. Hitting and fielding teams are decided by a coin flip.

How about that? Does that make any sense?

It’s just a head-scratching way of deciding a football game. At least the college rules allow for matching scores in a fair way, and that’s how I’d approach the professional game. I would just move the starting points back to the 50 yard line or something like that.

6) Two of the dumbest calls ever

Alright, here they are, in all of their glory:

First, it was the non-fumble on the opening kickoff:

Looked like a clear fumble and and then a recovery by Kamu Grugier-Hill pic.twitter.com/HiPSJTKQny

— The Bitter Birds (@AdrianFedkiw) December 9, 2018

The explanation was that the officials didn’t have clear evidence that there was a recovery on the play, which is ridiculous to me, because there literally are only green Eagle jerseys on top of the football.

Here’s an explanation on that decision, confirming the fumble:

Official Clete Blakeman: "We’ve got to have clear evidence that there was a fumble, which we did. ..The second component of it was there a clear recovery? And that’s just what we couldn’t confirm with the angles we had on video to make it a clear recovery by Philadelphia.”

— Zach Berman (@ZBerm) December 10, 2018

More from Clete Blakeman: "I mean it's really hard unless we have somebody with clear possession and control of it before the pile up begins and then we give it to them. We just didn't have that on this one."

— Zach Berman (@ZBerm) December 10, 2018

Who did you think was controlling it? Surely not the Cowboys. The officials basically could not determine which of three Eagles were controlling the football, so they gave it back to Dallas. It might be the worst call I have ever seen in 25+ years of watching the NFL.

Malcolm Jenkins on the play:

“Whoever is watching that in New York should stay off the bottle. …Again, common sense. You saw Kamu come out with the ball. …That was, in hindsight, a big play in the game.”

It was a big play, yes, but it’s not why they lost. Even if the Eagles score there to go up 3-0 or 7-0, you’ve got 58 minutes left in the game, 58 minutes in which anything could have happened. All we’re doing from there is playing the “what if?” game and relying on conjecture to flesh out bogus arguments.

Here’s the Dallas Goedert “offensive pass interference” play that wiped out a touchdown:

Here is the video of the offensive pass interference on Dallas Goedert that took away his 75 yard touchdown

pic.twitter.com/JxBpANKFmZ

— John Clark (@JClarkNBCS) December 10, 2018

That’s not offensive pass interference; he’s just cutting back to the inside on his route and there’s some contact with the defender, who bumps slightly inside of five yards. The Eagles were denied a touchdown on the play and went on to score on the drive anyway with the help of one makeup call and one justifiable illegal contact flag against Dallas.

Here are some national perspectives on the Goedert play:

What a cowardly penalty against the Eagles. No zebra in the world should interfere with that catch.

— Michael Wilbon (@RealMikeWilbon) December 10, 2018

That’s an extremely weak OPI call on Philly. Yikes

— Geoff Schwartz (@geoffschwartz) December 10, 2018

That is a terrible call. Again.

— Ross Tucker (@RossTuckerNFL) December 10, 2018

I also found the Zeke Elliott lowering helmet penalty to be kind of lame also. Every running back lowers their helmet to brace for contact. You could literally call that on half of the plays in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE.

Dallas ended up with 11 penalties for 111 yards, which was double what the Eagles were flagged for. The refs tried to correct their mistakes with some makeup calls, but nothing they whistled was as damaging as the opening kickoff or the Goedert OPI.

7) Auxiliary stuff

I actually want to start with how the Eagles did in the first Cowboys game:

lost time of possession battle, 33 to 27 minutes

-1 turnover margin (interception)

4-10 on third down (40%)

0-2 on fourth down

allowed Dallas to go 8-16 on third down (50%) and 1-1 on fourth down (fake punt)

lost 10 yards on two sacks

2-3 success rate in red zone

zero penalties

And here’s how they did this time around:

lost time of possession battle, 45 to 22 minutes*

+2 turnover margin

1-9 on third down (11%)

1-1 on fourth down

allowed Dallas to go 10-19 on third down (52.6%) and 1-1 on fourth down

lost 6 yards on two sacks

3-4 success rate in red zone

five penalties for 49 yards

They got hammered in time of possession both times out. The Eagles are generally phenomenal in TOP, but Dallas had early success running the ball again while the offense could not move the sticks, therefore the defense was pretty much gassed by the time overtime hit. That 45 minute number for Dallas is bloated because of OT, but in regulation the Eagles still got absolutely obliterated. 22 minutes worth of offensive possession and a 93-48 total play margin is a recipe for losing.

You can’t go out and turn a +2 turnover margin into 250 yards of total offense while going 1-9 on third down. You can’t win football games that way.

8) Doug’s best call?

4th and 3, I really liked the combination pick play and wheel route out of the backfield for Darren Sproles:

Well executed, though they honestly could have flagged Alshon for that. It’s just a judgment call for the officials, i.e., is the receiver making a genuine effort to run his route, or does he move his body to set a screen? This time they decided not to throw a flag.

9) Doug’s worst call?

2nd quarter, 3rd and 1 – you run a short side option with a quarterback who tore his ACL one year ago?

4th quarter, 3rd and goal – you throw a five-yard slant that lands five yards short of the goal line?

I don’t get it. Multiple calls just didn’t do it for me yesterday.

Also, and this one is more on Duce Staley, but when Wentz audibled out of a pass play at the goal line, Wendell Smallwood ended up running the ball. I don’t have a problem with Smallwood at all, but Josh Adams and Darren Sproles are your #1 and #2 guys right now. Smallwood is out of the rotation entirely, so I’m not sure why he was even in the game at that point. He hasn’t touched the ball since week 11.

You can put Doug’s overtime timeout usage, or lack thereof, in this entry as well.

10) The broadcast

I admittedly was not paying too much attention. I feel like the Eagles have had Troy Aikman and Joe Buck for something like five games this season. Seriously. Has it been that many? It feels like it has.

One thing that jumped out to me was the discussion at the beginning of the fourth quarter when Randy Gregory was flagged for roughing Carson Wentz. Aikman didn’t think it was a penalty, which Eagles fans probably interpreted as some kind of pro-Dallas bias, but I didn’t see it that way. The guy is a quarterback, so is he now anti-quarterback for disagreeing with the call? He played in an era when defenses were allowed to do a little bit more and weren’t whistled for every single minor transgression, so I think that’s where he was coming from with that.

That said, Mike Perreira came on and explained the two-step rule, saying “That’s what was called and that’s what it is.” So whether or not Aikman felt it was a penalty is ultimately irrelevant. Perreira also disagreed with the OPI on Goedert while Aikman didn’t seem passionate about the call one way or another.

The one thing I thought Aikman did that was kind of corny was when he complained about the Eagles’ touchdown celebration, which was admittedly lame. You played like shit for most of the game, so just spike the football and get off the field. The celebration seemed tone deaf to me.

But, ironically:

Troy Aikman, who played with Michael Irvin and Deion Sanders, is concerned about celebrations

— Franzke & LA (@FranzkeLA) December 9, 2018

FOX also didn’t give us an explanation for why that mystery flag was picked up late in the game.

Shrug.

That’s all I’ve got.

The post Please Do Not Blame the Officiating – Ten Takeaways from Cowboys 29, Eagles 23 (OT) appeared first on Crossing Broad.

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winstonhcomedy · 5 years

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How’d Winston Do Last Night? 10/31

Last night was a spooky night of salacious comedy. I definitely had a moment last night where I was probably at my scariest.

Last night was Home Sweet Home and I don’t think that’s an open mic I’ve had the opportunity to talk to you all about. It is every first, third, and fifth Wednesday of the month in Richmond.

It is hosted by my really good friend Jacob McFadden. Jacob used to run an open mic at a spot called Pie before it closed down. I unfortunately never got to do that show, but I try to get to HSH every chance I get.

Jacob is a really strong comic who unfortunately isn’t out as much as he used to be. I’ve booked him on some shows and he always follows through with a strong set. Right now he is going through a super tough time, because his baby niece passed away suddenly. This was the first time I’d seen him since then but he did seem in good spirits but def more somber than usual. I don’t usually do this, but if your heart compels you click this link and donate money to the ASPCA in her name. I know it would mean a lot since she absolutely loved animals!

https://www.gofundme.com/gopupmezsuzsi?fbclid=IwAR2CF2kq1dFs8Uvt5d__gP6L3GW7CuNEUC8jIFHE37pjCXKZSm1IO9bPVhs

Thanks guys!

HSH is a grilled cheese restaurant and bar with an upstairs loft area where the comedy shows take place. Everybody gets about 5 to 7 minutes, and there are never any content restrictions. The crowd can be hit or miss, but it is usually a productive mic.

I got to the show last night dressed as Calvin and Hobbes, and got to chill with Francesca Lyn and her boyfriend/good friend of mine Clay Shoaf. Fran had mouse ears on and Clay was wearing a graphic hat, bit jacket, and was carrying a joke book of “hilarious one liners”.

Clay used to come out and do comedy a lot more, and in all actuality he was the very first person in the Richmond comedy community who was not only nice to me, but that I considered a friend. He also performed on the first Clash of the Comics that I was on.

When Clay was going up every night and really hitting it hard you could always expect some interesting and funny takes from him. He is definitely a comic who modeled himself after guys like Doug Stanhope, but the difference is unlike most of the people who try to copy that style; Clay had a unique take and strong joke writing ability. There were countless times where Clay would bomb don’t get me wrong, but even then I always looked forward to hearing what new shit he had to talk about.

Since he has put comedy on the back burner for the last year or so I’ve come to really appreciate when he comes out to mics. When he is out it usually means something inventive/weird/offensive/wild is going to happen. Which I always love to see. Clay isn’t everybody’s cup of tea and I fully understand that. But there is literally nothing that brings me greater joy than seeing a group of new comics see Clay Shoaf for the first time.

It was kind of a light crowd but nothing too bad. The people were a little talkative, but they were into it. Danny Dunlea went first and didn’t have the hottest set. People were still shuffling in, and seemed disinterested.

Next was my set. Jacob likes to have fun with intros so I got brought up as a white nationalist which was exciting. I did a little light crowd work and got some good pops then started working on my jokes. I referenced Jim Crow and a dude was like too soon, I told him a white guy dressed as Kanye West for Halloween doesn’t really get to make that call. That got a good laugh and I kept doing my material. It went well. Definitely felt like I started to get them into it. I ended with a brand new joke, and it went well. I’d give this set a B-. It was fun and spooky!!!!!

Afte me was Francesca. She did a sweatiest I gave her and it went ok. She got some laughs out of some interesting premises. She had a good line about Lunchables and Andes Mints, and she closed out about how she only sleeps with Wiccans. All in all pretty good set for the crowd.

After her was Clay. Clay was doing a character called Comedian Big Lil’ The Comic. He was a grizzled hacky road comic. He came up shit on the room a bit, sat down, and read out of a joke book. By the end of it he was pitching his bumper stickers, and begging people to buy from him. It was a great character and my favorite set that I got to see of the night. He had sunglasses and a ridiculous hat on and it just sold the whole thing.

After his set my buddy Bryan Williams went up and did ok. He talked about how small his dick is since he is asian which is a joke he knows I hate. It got some laughs, but he’s a new dude who is still struggling to find himself on stage. He talked about being Bi which is my favorite thing he talks about because he doesn’t look like a stereotypical bi/gay guy. He will figure it out, but he’s always a good hang. I love the dude.

After him was Mu Cuzzo. Funny new comic who was trying to work out his crowd work. He is doing ok for 2 minutes until he points to a girl in the audience and starts talking about her “slutty” outfit. She took this to mean He thought she was a slut so she got up and is yelling at him for being rude and calling him a slut. It was crazy uncomfortable. It was also hilarious to see someone who has their ass cheeks hanging out arguing the differences between her “naughty” schoolgirl outfit and a “slutty” schoolgirl outfit. She wasn’t crazy or mean, and she went the route of trying to embarrass him. Telling the audience, “I hope you laugh at this man’s jokes. He’s a bad man.”

She left and took her bf with her, and Mu kept doing crowd work. Rule #1 of crowd work is ladies don’t like being referred to as sluts. It was a good learning experience for him. Crowd work is a lot harder than most comics give it credit for. 90% of comics who shit talk it do not have the ability to do it. Joke writing is amazing and important but crowd work is a difficult and important skill to master.

During this whole thing I walk upstairs and caught Bert Martling going through my stuff and flipping my backpack inside out again. I had already told him that if he did it again I was going to fight him. I had reiterated this several times over the past couple weeks.

I caught him while he was in the middle of it and Mu was still on stage. So I just started yelling at him. I got so heated, and it was the angriest I’ve been in a long time. Bryan and Francesca were right next to it when it was happening and they looked mortified. Especially Bryan. The look on his face was hilarious.

I don’t like resorting to yelling, but that is a super personal boundary to cross. I legit carry everything in that backpack. I have my MacBook, my headphones, all of my joke books, my glasses, my wallet, and lots of stuff from work including drawings from my students; and quite honestly I don’t want or think anyone should go through anyone else’s bag. That is an invasion of privacy, and super messed up. Especially after already saying it was off limits.

Now some people are going to be like, “that’s not a big deal Winston. I don’t know why you’re freaking out rn.” Well screw you guys. I had to leave last night because I double checked in the bag and one of the drawings my students made got ripped when he was doing it. I had to leave or I was going to absolutely lose it again.

To me it was the equivalent of going through a lady’s purse. It’s such an invasion, and a line that in my opinion shouldn’t be crossed. I can legit take a joke about anything. You can joke about me, my joke, my family, my religion, who I date, what I believe in, and I will laugh right along with you. But if you invade my privacy like that I am not going to be ok with it, and quite frankly I don't think anyone should be.

After this happened I watched Jameson Babbowski do a weird ass set as a Geraman dude with a ridiculous hat. Like just a wack wizards cap. He had a Bose speaker playing some German techno song but it was so low literally no one could hear it. He had fun, and it was super weird. This is the kind of thing I love to watch. People did not get it, but he committed.

So I left and Bert eventually sent me an apology message and I accepted it and moved on. I don’t hate Bert, I’m not mad at Bert (anymore), and I don’t even dislike him. I just felt violated, a boundary had been crossed, and I didn’t feel respected as an individual or a man. I accepted the apology and he and I are on good terms now.

After leaving I got about 7 or 8 messages from people asking about it. Literally nothing travels faster than gossip in the comedy community. I love all of my fellow comics, and I love all of you laydees/baybees!!!

This was a dramatic but fun night. Tonight I”m off to Baltimore and can’t wait to hopefully have a good show. I’ll be back to recap tomorrow. LOVE YOU LAYDEES!!!!! xoxoxo KISSES!!!

#comedy #love #jokes #halloween #Calvin and hobbes #improv #open mic #hilarious #yelling #fight

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thornburgrealty · 6 years

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eelgibbortech-blog · 6 years

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Writing a sales email campaign? Use 3 little-known persuasion triggers

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48 hrs left…

24 hrs left…

12 hrs left… I’m about to close it!

8 hrs… you’re REALLY gonna miss out

4 hrs… I SWEAR I’m not effing around this time.

2 hrs… this might be your last chance ever!

10 min…. LAST CHANCE… do it now or you’re a terrible human.

Welcome to the final 48 hours of pretty much every launch, funnel or email marketing campaign on the internet…

Where the countdown timers work overtime.

Where online marketers get more dramatic than Nic Cage in a direct-to-Netflix disaster flick.

And where the urgency and scarcity get spread on thicker than the Nutella on a diabetic’s breakfast sandwich.

You don’t feel good sending those.

Your prospects feel worse getting’em.

And the only reason you still order the Mailchimp monkey to fire them off at your subscribers is cause you’ve been tricked into thinking they’re the best way to maximize revenue in the final hours of your email campaign.

Those last-chance cart-closing don’t-miss-out emails are a necessary evil, right?

Not so fast. Truth bomb time. In the last 48 hours of your promotion:

You’re not actually “selling urgency”…

Yes, yes…

I hear you, dear marketer.

And I’ve read Cialdini’s Influence as many times as you have.

But I’ve also spent the last half-decade engineering 7-figure product launches for world-class coaches, course creators and respectable business leaders who wouldn’t dare let their closing emails look like a K-Mart liquidation bin.

And after helping generate tens of millions of dollars in “final day” revenue for peeps like Amy Porterfield, Todd Herman, London Real and others….

Here’s what I’ve realized.

Urgency is NOT the most powerful thing you should be “pushing” in the final hours of a sales campaign.

Instead, your job is to trigger a far more subtle and powerful precursor that empowers your prospect to say “yes.”

How do you do it?

By “coaching decisiveness” in your email

That’s right.

Decisiveness.

It’s a lesson I learnt when I hired my first business coach, Marc.

I was three days out of the stroke ward, dead broke from my previous 30K/year agency gig, and sitting in the middle of a doughnut shop when my soon-to-be biz coach asked:

“Here’s the investment. Are you to ready to commit to 3 months of one-to-one coaching?”

There was no “deleting” him from existence (legally).

No shoving him to a chrome tab.

No retreating to the safe confines of a funny cat meme.

Just Marc.

My soon-to-be food stamp reality.

And a decision that had to be made.

He didn’t threaten to “close the door” or spontaneously combust if I didn’t make a decision in 15 seconds. Instead, he coached me into a decision I felt confident enough to make.

And therein lies the secret.

If you take a closer look at why 1-on-1 selling boasts a 10X close rate over your overly dramatic “the sky is falling” emails…

…you might just tap into a much more powerful, authentic and value-giving way of leading your prospects beyond their resistance, and into your checkout process.

Obviously there’s a level of responsiveness and adaptability that CAN’t be replicated at scale… no matter how ninja you get with your behavioral triggers and automations. But if you extract a few of the more powerful (and repeatable) principles at play. You can start making profitable strides in bridging the 10x gap between the 2-5% conversion rate your closing emails are probably getting you…

… and the 20-50% that the world’s top enrollment specialists get to brag about.

Ready to make this practical?

Want to see how you can take your next campaign (or an existing evergreen sequence) and coach decisiveness in the final minutes to boost profits?

Here are 3 Conversion Triggers I use to “Coach The Conversion” and Boost Sales in the Final Hours of Every Email Campaign

Get a free launch email template and tutorial here

Conversion Trigger #1: Minimum Viable Commitment

“I only want you joining my super expensive program if you’re 110% committed”

“Tire kickers can go screw themselves”

“You have to be willing to invest 18 months, your first born child, and your vintage rock t-shirt collection”

Holy commitment batman.

Marketers have this pesky habit of either setting the commitment bar ridiculously high… or non-existently low (looking at you SaaS trials).

Problem is, if humans only took action when they were 110% certain, there’d be like 6 married people in the world – with 5 of them being pre-arranged.

When you ask for 110% commitment, you’re going against billions of years of neural wiring.

What feels safer?

“I know we just met, but let’s hitch a ride to Vegas and get married now.”

Or…

“I like where this is going. Let’s test things out. If they continue to go well, we’ll keep doing them for as long as it feels right.”

Buying your product shouldn’t feel like a “massive step” forward.

It should feel like a natural step forward, propelled by the momentum generated through your previous interactions.

Where to use Minimum Viable Commitment?

MVC feels most at home In your CTA’s and your risk reversals.

Here’s how we plugged it into the “Perfect for You If” closing email template that we used in our February launch of Copy School. Have a read:

What do you see?

First, actually, let’s talk about what you don’t see.

You don’t see “you need to drop everything in your life to make this work.” And you don’t see the copy creating absurd, unrealistic expectations.

What you DO see is a quick display of empathy around our prospect’s current mental/emotional struggle. What you DO see is a stress-free invite to give things a shot.

On a more subtle note, this allows you to take potential objections like “being unable to dive in for a few weeks” and make that INCLUSIVE in what makes a perfect buyer. When you do this, you set the bar just high enough so that your prospect feels good about their ability to clear it. Yet low enough that they can still make the jump even if they have a 10 pound bowling ball of resistance shackled to their feet.

So try this formula in one of your closing emails:

Maybe you’re [time or value objection]

Maybe you’re [unsure of being a fit objection]

Either way, you totally appreciate having [guarantee length] to put [Product] to the test to see if you can [achieve most desired outcome or overcome most crippling pain]

Oh… and a note about the so-called “tire kickers.”

Stop procrasti-shaming them.

The hyper-committed bought the second you said “go.”

If you’re down to the final 48 hours of your promotion, chances are good that all you have left are the “tire kickers.”

Don’t kick them out of the car lot.

Give them an ice pack for their swollen feet, and show them why driving is more fun than kicking a tire or two.

Conversion Trigger #2: The Quickest, Most Valuable Win (QVW)

Ya… ya…

I know your product or service can do some pretty uh-mazing things when used to its full capacity.

The problem is, for many products, the “big win” or “ultimate outcome” won’t come for weeks, months or even years.

aka…when your prospect’s changed their hairstyle, gone keto, and barely recognizes themselves in the mirror.

aka… a reality which is EXTREMELY difficult for them to project themselves into no matter how many senses you engage in your expert level “future pace”.

So how do you get around this?

How do you get your prospects excited about an imminent outcome that they can actually see themselves being an active participant in through your product?

I introduce to you, the QVW (Quickest Valuable Win)

This is a concept I developed as the love child between two brilliant thought leaders.

The first one being world-class performance coach, Todd Herman who suggests that any goal we set outside of 90 days is too far beyond our “horizon line.” In other words, the further out we try to envision a potential outcome, the blurrier it appears – the less we feel connected we feel to it – the less inclined we are to take action towards it. This has immediate implications for any marketer. Cause the further out we need to future pace an outcome for our prospects – the more “out of focus” and out of reach it will feel.

But to counteract that phenomenon, it’s not enough to simply shorten the timeline of the buyer’s experience to what they’ll get to experience in the next 90 days.

We also need to be strategic about which outcomes we choose to future pace.

To do that, we lean on the research of Stanford Professor and behavior expert BJ Fogg, whose concept of “easy wins” suggests this:

For people to be motivated to continue pursuing any action, they need to experience a set of immediate and observable wins.

Not just the low hanging fruit…

But the lowest, juiciest, most immediately satiating fruit.

The combination of both is what I call the “Quickest, Valuable Win” (QVW).

Want a few examples? Happy to oblige.

The QVW for a driver who’s run out of of gas isn’t a full tank of premium quadruple grade nitro…

… but a few drops of WETF will get them off the right shoulder of the freeway.

The QVW for a 40-year-old tech entrepreneur who’s going to the chiropractor to fix an achy back ISN’T being able to do cartwheels on her front lawn – but the quick little spinal adjustment that will allow her to sit for more than 2 hours a day to do her most important work.

Here’s how the QVW played out for our signature program, Copy School:

Copy School includes 3 FULL courses and close to 100 video lessons, with the ultimate goal of turning you into a world-class conversion copywriter with the chops to parlay your skillset into premium rates or high-paying in house gig.

But what about right now?

What about the quickest, most valuable win that you can achieve this weekend while life is still pretty much the same?

For that, we led with the library of 29+ templates, any of which could be written in about 30 mins and cover your ROI on the spot (selling your own product or writing for a client) in a single weekend.

Quick? Check.

Valuable? Check.

Win? Check.

So the question you need to answer is this:

What’s the quickest, most valuable win your prospect can gain from using a certain feature of your product?

Or… flipping that around, what’s the most painful wound you can patch up in minutes?

And while you ponder that, let’s move on to your third trigger…

Conversion Trigger 3: Binary Choice (and how my step dad became my step dad)

In 1997, when my mom and now stepfather were 3 years into their relationship, she finally gave him the world’s oldest ultimatum.

“Are you in or are you out?”

A few months later, they were trading nuptials and stomping on wine glasses, essentially putting an end to the world’s longest nurturing sequence.

Cute story, you say, but what does this have to do with bumping up my “final minute” profits?

If you’ve implemented the first 2 parts of this post, then…

… you’ve made the decision feel safe (MVC)

… you’ve made the outcome feel palpable and imminent (QVW)

… and in doing so, you’ve earned the right to get hyper binary.

Yes or no with absolutely zero in between.

Remember, most leads who fail to convert do so NOT because they’ve said “no” but because they’ve said nothing at all. Sales teams estimate that approx 60% of all lost sales are lost to “no decision.” Not to the competition. Not to the cheapest kid on the block. But to no decision whatsoever.

They abdicated their responsibility to act.

They let your cheesy countdown timer hit zero before shrugging their shoulders and saying “whoops, guess I missed it.”

The greatest culprit to your conversions isn’t a “no.” It’s the absence of a decision altogether.

So when the time is right – that is, after you’ve engaged your leads, presented the problem, positioned your offer and given them multiple chances to take you up on it… aka the last hours of your promotion or launch – you no longer need to dance around the issue. Stop dancing. Start closing with real questions that require real answers. And with real statements that require real reactions.

So how do you do it?

Nothing ninja about it.

Don’t throw more sales arguments against the wall to see what sticks.

Instead, position against indecision. Literally call it out. And give your prospect a binary choice, with clear stakes and outcomes for each divergent path.

Because examples help clear this idea up and make it more likely to stick the next time you write an email, here’s how a recent 10x Launches student executed the “binary choice” in his cart-closing-soon launch email. Take a sec to read and see what he’s doing:

Bonus Trigger: Give a damn (and don’t write until you feel like absolute sh*t)

So you know how, back in the day, salespeople were told to “smile on the phone” cause the person on the other end could supposedly “hear it.”

Ya, I used to think that was a bunch of BS too.

Until I realized that my highest converting emails were the ones in which I brought myself to feel the pain as deeply as my prospect would.

As if I was right there in the eye of the hurricane with them.

Desperate to solve the problem as if it were my own life or death situation.

Here’s what I’m getting at…

FOMO shouldn’t just be the thing you ask your prospect to feel in the final minutes before your offer or promotion expires. It should be something you feel on behalf of them when you sense their opportunity to overcome a pain or solve a problem quickly slipping away.

There’s no template or swipe file for this last one.

But if you expect your prospect to give a damn about your expiring cart…

Might not be a bad idea for you to take the lead.

Your subscribers want you do to this next

These triggers are just a few of the ways you can “coach the conversion” in the final 48 hours of any drip campaign, product launch or evergreen funnel.

If you’re feeling good about sprinkling these triggers in your “final day” emails, by all means… skip “go” and dive straight into your email software so that you can start profiting ASAP.

But if you want to get a new stack of high-converting sales emails written fast.

And I mean… fast…

(by leaning on 25+ high-converting email templates)…

We just pulled our TWO best selling email copywriting programs out of the vault and joined them at the hip to form our craziest training bundle yet.

You can get it here until this Friday

~ry

Featured image by Florian Klauer on Unsplash

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almostsuperdream · 7 years

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Biggest Takeaways from Podcast Movement 2017

For the fourth year in a row Podcast Movement brought podcasters from around the world together to learn, share and experience what it means to say the words “I am a podcaster”.

While not everyone at the conference identified as a podcaster, including Payne Lindsey from the hit true crime show Up and Vanished, along with the trio behind Undisclosed, the vast majority celebrated the fact that with a voice, a microphone, and value to share, you can make a huge impact.

But unlike previous years, it wasn’t all about the numbers in Anaheim, CA.

If you’re a podcaster, then you know what it’s like to sign into Libsyn, and then proceed to hit refresh on your stats over,

and over,

and over.

But this year’s focus didn’t have anything to do with refreshing your stats.

As Dan Carlin put it in his keynote Wednesday afternoon, “It’s not about how many people are listening, but about who is listening.”

This is a quote that stuck with me, and even today I continue to remind myself of this fact.

Without the connections we have with our audience – those who are actually tuning in to listen – what else do we have?

What went down at Podcast Movement 2017

To help set the tone for what we knew would be an incredible three days, we hosted a pre-conference workshop sponsored by the #1 online community for podcasters, Podcasters’ Paradise, called From Idea to Launch, and Beyond.

During the 8 hour workshop we shared actionable steps plus proven strategies to help the 60 podcasters who signed up to spend the day with us how to do just that: go from idea to launch, and beyond.

But way before we created the workshop outline, John and I knew that with the help of other podcasters – those who are currently in the trenches and have great experiences and lessons to share – we could deliver tenfold on the value.

And so we invited five other podcasters to help us cover different topics within each of the four sessions in our Workshop: The Idea, The How, The Launch, and Beyond.

Weeks of preparation, three group calls, and a lot of worksheets later, we took the stage to share every last detail for podcasters both old and new.

Some of the biggest takeaways for the attendees included the importance of having a launch strategy, how easy it is to get setup with the right equipment, and why building a funnel for your business is critical to its success.

Here’s JLD’s Funnel Formula he shared during the Workshop:

The morning and afternoon came and went, and before we knew it we were headed to the hotel restaurant and bar to host our annual Podcasters’ Paradise meet up!

With about 100 podcasters from the Paradise community in attendance, we were able to meet a lot of members who we’d previously only communicated with online.

After the Paradise meet up we made our way over to one of the event rooms to catch a screening of The Messengers Documentary, which went live on iTunes at midnight that night!

Big shout out to Chris Krimitsos and his crew for delivering a very important message: podcasting is a medium unlike any other; one that will allow you to share your message with the world and impact millions in the process.

Our last stop of the night: Bowlmor, and bowling alley just a few blocks from where we were staying.

This is where the Podcast Websites meet up was hosted, and we closed the night out strong wearing stripped shoes and knockin’ over pins. :)

Wednesday at Podcast Movement

Wednesday started off with a huge bang: Amy Porterfield, Pat Flynn and yours truly, JLD, took the stage together to chat about what’s hot in podcasting right now.

Amy chatted about the importance of batching and how that has helped her not only stay on schedule and consistent, but also how it has helped her grow her audience and brand.

One of my favorite tips from Amy: every single time she sits down with her team to create episodes outlines, they run each of them through a checklist to guarantee what she’s about to create will be a high level of greatness.

Pat chatted about standout episodes – the best and the worst – and it was cool to hear from each of the panelists what they thought was their best / worst.

Amy shared a 2-part series as her best: the first episode was a mini-training (how to), and the second episode was with one of her actual students who had put into practice what she had just covered.

You can check this 2-part series out on Amy’s podcast, which focuses on her pre-sale strategy: episode 149 and episode 150.

A really cool idea for anyone thinking about leveraging a 2-part episode series to help promote a product or community!

Pat focused on his top-downloaded episode, an interview with LeadPages founder Clay Collins. Clay talked about “laddering up” and shared some incredible insights on how he built a 7-figure business, step by step.

JLD chatted about funnels and the importance of taking your avatar – your ideal listener – on a journey. You can check out the JLD Funnel Formula above :)

Next up on stage? Me! And I received one heck of an intro from Shey Harms, founder of Lake Zen.

Incredibly nervous and standing in front of a crowd with standing room only, I clicked ‘right’ on a brand new presentation: Audience Growth and Meaningful Monetization with Podcasting Systems.

Through covering the 3 things every podcast needs to achieve this, I gifted 3 very different systems, each of which consist of 5 simple steps.

Those 3 things:

1. Valuable Content 2. Consistent Content 3. Purposeful Content

The most important thing to consider when it comes to implementing any – or all – of these 3 systems is COMMITMENT.

If you can commit to doing the 5 steps listed below under any given system – making these a habit for you and your podcast creation – then you will make progress when it comes to audience growth and meaningful monetization.

Valuable Content

Step 1: Define avatar – your one perfect listener Step 2: Identify niche – niche till it hurts Step 3: Go find them – online communities, events, conferences Step 4: Ask them – Skype chat, SpeakPipe, email, comments Step 5: Listen – what are the recurring struggles & questions?

Consistent Content

Step 1: Plan it – theming vs. batching; 1 month ahead Step 2: Schedule it – take out your calendar Step 3: Record it – plug in your mic – it’s go time! Step 4: Edit it – my fav editing hack Step 5: Publish it – upload & schedule to go live

Purposeful Content

Step 1: What should they do? – rotate 5 CTA’s in your eps Step 2: Map out your ladder – what happens next? Step 3: Create a series – content outline + a plan Step 4: Create the funnel – email campaign with content + offer Step 5: Create the next step – proof of concept, then create

That afternoon I hopped around to a few different presentations, but mostly focused on spending some time at our booth in the main hall and meeting others who were also sponsoring the event.

The biggest difference between this year and last was that our booth was actually a booth that sat front and center by the main entrance.

We were also very lucky to have 3 sets of helping hands this year:

Zach Hesterberg of So Zesty, a social media marketing company

Travis Chappell of the Build Your Network podcast, and

Berto Laguna

Knowing there was great representation sharing The Freedom and Mastery Journals with attendees took a ton of stress away and allowed us to make the most of our conference time.

By 3pm that afternoon we were settling in for the first two keynotes of the event: the trio behind Undisclosed, and then, Dan Carlin from Hardcore History.

While it was interesting to hear how Undisclosed got started, I can’t say there was a ton of value being shared through the presentation. At one point, there was even confusion around where everyone actually lived – something you’d think you would know about your co-hosts.

Dan Carlin on the other hand was very high up on my short list of favorites, which I have to assume was in part due to his amazing stage partner, Andrew Warner of Mixergy, who was leading the conversation.

Value bombs from Dan included:

“It’s not about how many people are listening, it’s about who is listening.”

“If it’s not for the listeners, it’s for no one.”

And something along the lines of “don’t cheat your listeners out of receiving great content. The quality of your content is so important.”

We capped Wednesday ON FIRE with a dinner at California Pizza Kitchen and an after party put on by iHeartRadio at The Fifth, a roof deck bar overlooking Disney Land.

While I was incredibly tempted to head back to the hotel around 11pm, I found myself on the roof deck until close to 1am catching up with friends both old and new and enjoying being outdoors for the first time all day.

Thursday at Podcast Movement

Luckily, I don’t have trouble sleeping, because Thursday morning brought another full day!

To start the morning off, I attended a session by Jodi Flynn of Women Taking the Lead. Her talk was all about how to avoid “podfading”.

Just in case you haven’t heard the term before, podfading refers to those who launch a podcast, then within a few weeks or months drop off the face of the earth with no explanation.

Jodi put together an easy-to-follow and super smart plan for making sure this doesn’t happen to you.

It included 3 checkpoints you can review if – or when – you start to wonder whether or not you can continue on with your podcast.

Those 3 checkpoints:

1. Your Why 2. Your Community 3. Your Goals

After Jodi’s talk I hooked up with 3 incredible podcasters who I’d be sharing the stage with for a panel later that day called Cashing in on Content: How to Leverage Your Niche Audience.

The trio of greatness:

Josh Brown, host of Franchise Euphoria

Vanessa Merten, host of The Pregnancy Podcast

Kara Lamerato, host of The Wedding Planning Podcast

We ducked into the speakers lounge to review the flow, and by 1pm I found myself on stage for the third time in 3 days!

This awesome pic is compliments of the PM17 App newsfeed:

The theme we stuck with throughout the panel is the idea that niching down allows you to stand out.

With a laser focus on providing the most amount of value possible, the panel shared what they’ve learned post-launch about the importance of niching down and engaging with your audience to help your show grow.

And because each of these podcasters has monetized their show in very different ways, it was incredibly valuable to hear how they each got there.

For Josh, his podcast has helped him bring in at least 23 new clients for his business, Indy Franchise Law.

For Vanessa, her podcast has given her the opportunity to bring on sponsors that have relevant offerings for her niche audience: pregnant women.

And for Kara, her podcast audience asked, and she listened! Just this year Kara created The Wedding Planning Video Vault, a video series to help newly engaged couples navigate every step of their journey to wedding day.

After the panel I couldn’t help but be drawn to Payne Lindsey’s room – the guy I mentioned earlier who doesn’t identify as a podcaster (even though he has a hit podcast that actually helped solve an 11-year-old cold case of a girl gone missing in Georgia).

Because I had just recently binged the entire podcast it was really cool to see him on stage and hear him talk about the process he followed in order to create and produce such an intense, high-quality and engaging show.

However, I couldn’t help but challenge him on the fact that he didn’t identify as a podcaster – he was on stage talking about the success and impact of the podcast with a t-shirt that read: “I am not a podcaster”.

While I didn’t get a straight answer from him, I guess I can’t argue how someone else feels.

Although it would be great if those who were leveraging the medium to create such amazing content – content that is having a huge impact on the real world – would proudly identify with being a podcaster. The medium and industry could certainly use the good press! Spreading the word about podcasting is the only way it grows.

Friday at Podcast Movement

Bright and early Friday morning I was front and center to see our Podcast Websites partner, Mark Asquith, present!

Mark talked about dominating your niche with series podcasting, which was extra appealing to me since a couple of years ago I moved to seasons on my podcast, Kate’s Take.

Mark brought out a ton of great points regarding how your podcast is published depending on whether it’s a series podcast or just an ongoing one.

For example, he recommended pushing your season to its own feed once published (while also keeping it live on your “main feed”).

This gives those who might just be searching podcasts for a specific topic an opportunity to find targeted, focused episodes on exactly what they’re interested in.

Mark also mentioned the sponsorship opportunities for a podcast that has focused seasons on niche content, which is something I hadn’t really thought about before.

After Mark it was on to the final two keynotes of the event – the first one by Aaron Mahnke of the hit podcast Lore.

I’ve heard a ton about this podcast – it’s always at the top of the iTunes charts and it comes highly recommended. But for whatever reason I haven’t tuned in yet – until just a few days ago.

Not only was he an amazing speaker on stage, but he had so much passion and feeling around the topic of podcasting and how to do it right. It was an amazing way to wrap up the event.

Aaron talked about there being 5 things every podcaster should focus on, and those 5 things are:

1. Be consistent

Set listener expectations

If you want podcasting to be your full time job, act like it

Don’t disappoint your listeners with your schedule, format, frequency, or quality

2. Be prepared

You’re taking people on a journey, and you have to be prepared in order to do that

Everyone is a storyteller behind the mic – no matter what their podcast is

3. Be respectful

Time, money and attention are our most valued and limited resources

Your listeners are tuning in for a reason; deliver it already!

If you have a sponsor, be respectful of them

4. Be original

Don’t copy – be unique!

5. Be focused

Your job is to make a damn good show, not to find out how to make money

Podcasting is like flying a kite. If you build a crappy kite, it won’t fly.

To close it out strong Podcast Movement brought back Shannon Cason of Homemade Stories.

Shannon focused on WHY people podcast.

Throughout his presentation he had audio clips from other speakers and attendees who were at Podcast Movement.

He asked them: “Why do you podcast?”

The range was wide – everything from “Because I like to hear my own voice” to “Because I have a message to share and an impact to make”.

I guess it goes to show that everyone podcasts for a different reason, and it’s important to remember why we do what we do.

Biggest Takeaways from Podcast Movement

After Podcast Movement I reached out to our podcasting community who attended and asked them:

What was YOUR biggest takeaway from Podcast Movement?

Here’s what they had to say…

My name is Jaime Jay and I host a podcast called Stop Riding the Pine.

My #1 takeaway from PM17 was that I really need to be open to new ideas.

I met so many awesome people that are doing great things in the podcast world. Just when I think I’m getting ahead, I learn more new things that keep challenging me to get better.

This event served as a great reminder that I need to keep pushing forward. It was a blast seeing old friends and making new friends. I loved this event and am very happy to have attended!

My name is Josh Brown and I host the podcast Franchise Euphoria.

My #1 takeaway from PM17 was that my podcast needs to now become the Hub from which all my digital and social media efforts spoke off from.

It became abundantly clear at PM17 that rather than having a social media campaign that includes just sending out my Podcast as part of my marketing efforts, I should make my Podcast the central hub from which all of my social media content flows in terms of topic, focus, etc.

As an example, if my next episode on my Podcast regards franchising a restaurant, then all of my social media marketing should revolve around that focused topic.

This may seem obvious to a lot of people, but it was certainly an “ah ha” moment for me at PM17.

My name is Mary Albee and I host the podcast Pure Dog Talk.

My #1 takeaway from PM17 was the smart tech opportunities coming with Alexa, Apple Homepod and Google adding optimized podcasts to voice searchable content.

My name is John Lee Dumas and I host the podcast Entrepreneurs On Fire.

My #1 takeaway from PM17 was that everyone needs to be Podcasting with a purpose.

Just turning on a mic and talking is not a winning strategy.

Your Podcast should have a funnel, which is the journey you take your listener on that ends with some kind of product, service, community, or VALUE BOMB.

Strategic planning wins.

My name is Mark Asquith and I host the podcast The 7 Minute Mentor.

My #1 takeaway from PM17 was to be a story teller!

It doesn’t matter your niche or focus, you have to captivate people with stories that MATTER!

My name is Shawn Park and I host the podcast Be Your Own Nerd.

My #1 takeaway from PM17 was to “Just Launch” my podcast.

I need to stop over planning, overthinking, and need to stop making sure everything is perfect because it will never be.

My name is H. Guthrie Chamberlain, III and I host the podcast Wisdom-Trek.

My #1 takeaway from PM17 was that it was a privilege to speak on the PMx stage and get to meet 11 other excellent speakers and hear their presentations.

It will help to improve my speaking opportunities in the future. Also, the networking and connections made are invaluable.

My name is Paula Chamberlain and I will host the podcast A Quilter’s Life.

My #1 takeaway from PM17 was that there was strong support for my soon-to-be-released podcast A Quilter’s Life, where I’ll be interviewing quilters and sharing their stories on why they quilt and how that passion integrates into their overall life stories.

If you attended Podcast Movement 2017 we hope you enjoyed it!

If not, there’s always next year! Podcast Movement 2018 will be in Philly, and we can’t wait to see you there!

The post Biggest Takeaways from Podcast Movement 2017 appeared first on Entrepreneurs on Fire with John Lee Dumas.

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