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heavyhitterheaux · 2 months

Text

Got Me Thinking

Part 3: Kiss it Better (NSFW)

Synopsis: Jack ends up getting into an argument with Kelsey and quickly makes it up in his mind to visit you in order to take his mind off of it. Little did the two of you know that those feelings that had been buried all those years ago would come straight up to the surface.

Pairing: Jack Harlow x Reader

Read Part 1 and Part 2 first

Do not engage if underage

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

Jack let out a frustrated sigh thinking about the argument that had ensued between him and Kelsey that morning as he was now currently on a plane to California for Druski's premiere. All that he asked of her was to be a little more supportive as he had been under a lot of stress lately and wasn't taking his feelings into consideration and that sent them into a full blown yelling match with her accusing him of saying that she wasn't supportive of him at all.

Shaking his head and trying not to think about it, he pulled out his phone to text you and see what you were up to since he wanted to see you before leaving the state. Druski's premiere was later on that day and he didn't plan on doing anything after except being with you if you were available.

Ever since the two of you reunited at his birthday party, you were all that he could think about. For the entire week that you were there, he spent about every day with you and it was safe to say that he missed your presence and being around you.

And his feelings that were buried deep down had made their way to the surface and had hit him like a ton of bricks.

Yes, he married Kelsey. But did he love her? When they got married he definitely did, but he didn't love her as much as he loved you and knew that no one else on the face of the earth would be able to fill your shoes. He was hurt when he found out you got married, but what could he had done at that point? The two of you hadn't spoken for years and even though he wanted it to be him, he was happy that you found happiness and would never try to ruin that for you. But now hearing about how Xavier had been treating you, he wanted to get you away from him as soon as he could. He knew you were trying to plan everything out, but he didn't want you to have to deal with that situation any longer.

Jack Jack- What are you getting up to tonight pretty girl?

You- Eating and sleeping. My all time favorite pastimes.

Jack Jack- Hmm, now you can't do that if I'm coming to see you, now can you?

You- 👀

You- When will you be here!?!?

Jack Jack- In about an hour or so. I know you're still working but I'm going to Druski's premiere and I wanted to see you after. So around 11 tonight? Is that too late?

You- Never too late when it involves me getting to see you. Now I'm hoping the day goes by a little faster.

Jack Jack- Aww does someone miss me?

You- Don’t push it lol

Jack Jack- Been having a shitty week but I know seeing you will make it better.

You- Oh no. My poor baby. Tell me all about it later. Just text me the address of your hotel and the room. I know how reserved you are and highly doubt you want paparazzi in your face.

Jack Jack- Can't wait to see you

Clay looked over at Jack and immediately asked what had him in such a good mood since he had literally been pissed off less than ten minutes ago.

“Who are you texting that has you smiling like that?”

“Well we know it's not Kelsey.” Urban muttered and Clay couldn't help but to stifle a laugh.

“My guess is Y/N, since he hasn't stopped talking about her.”

“The person that you should have married.”

“And how many times are you going to remind me? What was I supposed to do? Make her divorce him so I could marry her? We hadn't even talked in seven years at that point!” Jack exclaimed while looking at both of them.

“You should've been like I OBJECT!”

“I mean…… that plan could work because she had straight googly eyes when yall made eye contact.”

“And she didn't leave your side the entire night.” Urban added.

“And you don't like your wife. None of us do.”

“I… not too much on Kelsey now!” Jack said while attempting to defend his wife, but all they did was look at him.

“Bruh… DIVORCE.HER.ASS.”

“Because we're legit confused on how and why you married her in the first place. We told you not to and now look, sitting up here miserable and unhappy.”

“I care about her!” Jack said, defending his actions.

“Notice how you said care and not love? Yall argue every waking hour and you are always grumpy. You haven't been grumpy and in a mood since you basically spent your entire birthday week up Y/N's ass. Well except for today when you know, got into an argument with that woman who shares your last name.”

“Wait…. did yall… fuck? As in you and Y/N?”

“NO URB! I didn't cheat on Kelsey and did we forget that Y/N is married too?”

“What is that supposed to mean? We don't like him either. Don't even know shit about him, but he's not you and you and Y/N belong together. Don't make me start singing Mariah Carey.”

“And Kelsey treats you like the gum on the bottom of her shoe.”

“Facts, no printer.”

“Yall just don't know her like I do.”

“And we don't want to.”

Jack sighed and ran a hand through his curly hair because he knew that they were exactly right.

“Think about it like this. Your own wife didn't come to your birthday party yet, your EX-GIRLFRIEND from when you were in HIGH SCHOOL did. What does that tell you?”

“And who is she married to?”

“His name is Xavier.” Jack answered as he pulled up your instagram and handed Urban his phone.

“Oh.”

“Oh? What do you mean oh?” Jack asked as everyone had now gathered around Urban to get a glimpse.

“If this is the dude you're competing with, you can take him.”

“Maybe we could set up a boxing match.”

“Jack is definitely a lover and not a fighter. He wouldn't make it to the second round.”

“HEY!”

“Don't get mad at me because it's true.” Clay replied while holding his hands up in defense.

“But the thing is, Y/N told me she's divorcing him.”

“Good! Then ease your way in!”

“And he's about to have a baby on her.”

“Well got damn. HE CHEATED? ON Y/N? LIKE… JACK IF THAT WASN'T YOUR GIRL…”

“Don't finish that sentence, but yes.”

“Well divorce the wicked witch of the west so you can marry her.”

“Clay! Stop calling her that!”

“Why? It's funny and she's evil so it fits her personality.”

“Not the point!”

“Oh, so you agree?”

“Look, I’m going to try and make it work with Kelsey.” Jack told them, but at this point he didn't know if he was trying to convince them or trying to convince himself.

“I think I threw up in my mouth a little.”

—

You couldn't wait until your last case of the day since that would then let you go home and sleep until It was time to meet up with Jack. It was nice since Xavier was now on another one of his business trips, but you knew all that meant was his was with the woman who he was cheating on you with. He had hid it well when he first stepped out on you, but within the last year he had grown sloppy, but he still had no clue about you knowing.

It was still early in the afternoon when you decided to shoot Jack a quick text to let him know that he could now come over to your house seeing as your husband was nowhere to be found and went off to take a shower to wash the long day off of you.

You saw Jack's reply once you stepped out of the shower and he said that he would let you know when he was on his way. There were still a few more hours left to kill so you decided to take a short quick nap before he got there. But as much as you wanted to, your mind just wouldn't turn off.

The thoughts that consumed your mind consisted of Xavier and Jack and how you never should have ended your relationship with Jack because you knew for a fact that you would have been a lot happier. But, you loved Xavier too despite what he's doing to you even though it hurts to no end. He barely showed you any affection anymore and if he did, it felt forced. But when Jack did it? Felt like something out of a fairytale.

You simply wish you could fast forward to the part where you were happy.

Startled by a sudden knock on the door, you lifted your head to peek at your phone and noticed it was around 11:15 and instantly got excited because you knew it was Jack.

Once you opened the front door, you immediately tackled him into a hug as he kissed the top of your head.

“Hey Buttercup.” Your heart instantly fluttered hearing the nickname that Jack had given to you when the two of you were fifteen and the smile on your face couldn't help but to get bigger.

“Hey, I think the day went by extra slow because I couldn't wait to see you.” You replied as you stepped to the side to let him in.

Once he was in the foyer, he was taken in by his surroundings.

“You mean to tell me yall got this big ass house for only two people?”

“The goal was for it to be filled with little ones but that dream has quickly gone out the window.” You quietly answered and it looked like he was about to say something, but stopped himself.

But it came out anyway.

“You wouldn't want to be tied to someone like that for the rest of your life anyway. You deserve better than that.”

“I… I know. I just feel that I'm in a difficult position. But moving on because I know you didn't come here to hear me whine about him. Let me give you the grand tour.”

“It doesn't bother me. If you need to vent, I'm always going to be there to listen. No matter what time of day or night it is.”

“I really appreciate you saying that.”

Moving throughout the house, you showed him everything there was to see and you simply left your bedroom and closet for last knowing that he was going to spend at least an hour admiring your shoe collection.

Once you opened the double doors to the master bedroom, he simply laughed to himself.

“What in the world is so funny, Jackson?”

“I can tell that you designed this, didn't you?”

“He let me have at it so I simply did what I want with it.”

“So this is where the magic happens?” He asked, wiggling his eyebrows and you rolled your eyes.

“Magic? As in me using my vibrator because that is literally the only magic that happens here. Anyway, let me show you my closet because I know you'll definitely like it.”

“So, we're just going to skip over the vibrator part that you mentioned?” Jack asked and you simply shrugged.

“Not every guy is in tune with his wife's body and knows how to please her, but that's a story for another day.”

“He definitely should be and there's no excuse for that.”

Jack then followed behind as you led the way into the walk-in closet and he immediately took note of your shoe collection just like you knew he would.

“I… Well damn. Maybe you should be an ambassador for New Balance too.”

“I can't help it. I literally buy a pair every time I go out. And a lot of that time is spent thinking about how my life is a hot ass mess. Sorry I'm doing it again. Now what had you upset earlier?”

“You don't have to apologize and it was Kelsey.”

“What happened?”

“All I asked was if she could be more supportive since I have had a lot going on and been kinda stressed out. She took it upon herself to accuse me of saying she's not supportive at all and it turned into a screaming match. Well her screaming at me really.”

“Did she not comprehend what you were saying?”

“As of lately, it seems like she's not comprehending anything when she used to not do that. Clay calls her the wicked witch of the west.”

You couldn't help but to immediately laugh.

“I'm sorry, but that is hilarious.”

“It's sad to say but I've gotten used to it.”

“Why? You shouldn't be used to arguing with your spouse all the time.”

“No, but… I don't know. I always say that I want to try and make it work between the both of us but when I replay these incidents over and over again it makes me think that it might not actually be worth it.”

“Then if it isn't worth it, let it go. Why would you want to be married to someone like that anyway?” You said which was similar to what he had told you earlier.

“Hmm, you want the honest answer?”

“Of course I do.”

“Only because my real bride was already spoken for.” He answered while looking directly at you.

You didn't answer him as he had quickly gotten distracted with something hanging up in your closet.

“Wait… Is this my hoodie? You've had it all this time?” He asked while holding it up and inspecting it.

“Yeah, it was comfy so I decided to steal it and never give it back.”

“Hmm, how does your husband feel about you having your ex-boyfriend's hoodie?”

“Well it's a good thing he doesn't know now isn't it? It still smells like you too believe it or not after all these years. And why should he even care? It's not like we're having sex with each other because that's exactly what he's doing and ended up getting her pregnant.”

“We're not, but it definitely sounds like you need someone to please you because he's not doing his job.”

The two of you were now dangerously close as Jack once again started playing with the ends of your hair as the hand that wasn't occupied cupped your face. Before you knew it, he leaned in and his lips were on yours. After kissing him back you immediately pushed him away from you.

“Jack… we can't and you know that.” You said not believing your own words for a second.

“Is it the fact that we can't or the fact that you don't want to admit that you feel the same way about me as you did when you were fourteen?” He asked you as he closed the space in between the two of you once more.

When you were quiet, he asked you once again and your thoughts were running rampant.

“Y/N, do you want me to stop?” He asked as he began to kiss down your neck and you could feel the river that was beginning to form between your thighs.

“No.” You breathed out before bringing his face back close to yours.

His hand reached under your shirt and was surprised to find out that you weren't wearing anything underneath and began to massage them and roll your nipples in between his fingers instantly making them hard as he kept his mouth on yours.

You broke apart from him as he was simply staring at you with his thumb grazing your cheek.

No words were spoken as you led him back into the master bedroom with both of you trying to strip out of the clothes that you were wearing at a rapid speed.

Once you were left bare underneath him, he slowly inserted two fingers into you seeing how wet you were and he immediately smirked as he leaned down to kiss you.

You moaned into his mouth and that was when he increased his pace moving his fingers in and out of you.

By this point your eyes were closed and you rightfully gasped as you felt him take one long lick across your folds. Jack then spread your legs to the point where they were behind your head so that he would have enough room.

“I don't think your husband would take it too well that I'm fucking his wife in his bed but clearly someone has to do it since he can't get it right.” You heard him say and you let out a quiet laugh before you once again felt his mouth on you.

You couldn't even remember the last time that you were in that much pleasure, but knew that Jack was only getting started.

Between him using his mouth and his fingers, you knew it wouldn't take long in order for you to reach your peak and you decided to speed up the process by playing with your pierced nipples.

As you loudly moaned his name, Jack then went to suck on your clit and you knew it was only a matter of seconds before you were going to hit your peak.

“Oh, fuck. Right there, stay right there.” You said as your hands were now tangled in his hair in order to be able to keep him as close as possible.

“Baby, I’m about to…”

“Then do it.” Jack said as he broke away from you to answer but went right back to his original position.

Your orgasm hit you like a ton of bricks that your legs were shaking, but Jack hadn't stopped eating you out which quickly made you go into having another one.

No sound was coming out of your mouth as Jack let you ride it out before detaching from you and crawling back up your body with him planting kisses on your skin along his path.

Once he reached your lips, he gave you several pecks before you felt his fingers now massaging your clit and he was now smirking at you.

“You ready for me, sweet girl? I can tell that your body is, but I need to hear you say it.”

“Been ready for you.”

As you noticed the precum leaking from the tip, you sat up and quickly took him in your mouth, making him hiss and throw his head back in pleasure.

You used your hand for where your mouth couldn't reach and you soon felt him twitch and took that as a sign that he was growing closer to hitting his peak when he suddenly lightly pushed you away from him and you quickly looked up at him confused.

“There's no way I'm about to last much longer and I need to feel you.”

“I'm on birth control, so it's all good. Nothing to worry about.” You said as you got settled once more at the top of the bed as he took hold of your hips and slowly entered you, leading to a moan escaping both of your mouths.

“You feel so good around me, but you have to relax baby and give me some room. Just relax, I got you.”

It was definitely easier said than done.

But once you did and the two of you got in a comfortable rhythm, your arms went around Jack's neck as he buried his face in your shoulder.

Hearing him moan in your ear let you know another orgasm was right around the corner as you then reached down to play with your clit. Your hand was soon replaced with his as you then heard the garage door open.

“Fuck, he's back early.”

“We're not leaving this bed until you scream my name, you understand?”

You immediately nodded your head as Jack then increased his pace as you were hoping to not get caught by your husband. But at this point in time, you didn't care.

The thrill of being caught got you excited.

“That's it. That's it, pretty girl. Are you going to cum for me? Cum all over my dick.”

Without another word, both of you hit your peak at the same time with you loudly moaning in his ear. As he was letting you recover, he placed kisses all over your body before planting one more on your lips which immediately made you smile.

“We need to hurry up and get dressed before he comes upstairs? Don't you think?” Jack asked but not before taking one of your nipples in his mouth and lightly sucking.

“Don't start because now we definitely can't finish.”

“Hmm… to be continued.”

Once the two of you slipped your clothes back on and made your way back downstairs you were now sitting on the couch with the television on as Xavier walked in.

“Oh hey, you're back early.” You said as he leaned down to kiss you which now left a sour taste in your mouth.

“I figured why not since I wanted to spend time with my wife. And who do we have here?”

“Jack this is my husband Xavier and Xavier this is Jack. We went to high school together and he was in town so we decided to catch up.”

“Nice to meet you Jack.”

“You too.” Jack replied as he was taking in meeting your piece of shit husband in person for the first time.

“Doesn't surprise me you two are still catching up at 3 in the morning. Y/N has always been a night owl.” He said in a somewhat accusatory tone, but Jack quickly shut it down.

“Well I had a premiere to go to and didn't get finished until late, but I was just leaving since I have an early flight.”

“Well next time you're here, we all should go out.” Xavier offered and Jack quickly agreed.

“Sure thing and I can bring my wife so it will be a double date.”

Hearing him say that immediately made your stomach go into a series of knots.

“Come on Jack so I can walk you out.”

Once outside and by his rental car, the two of you immediately busted out laughing.

“I don't think I've ever gotten dressed that fast before. That had to be some type of record.”

“I mean he could have always come in to get a few pointers from me.” Jack replied and you lightly hit his arm.

“What? You know I'm telling the truth. When's the last time he made you feel that good?” Jack asked as he whispered the last part in your ear and slipped a hand in your shorts.

“Babe…”

“I take that as the answer being never.” He said as he removed his hand and brought it up to his mouth to suck on his fingers.

“Taste so good and you are making it so hard for me to not fuck you again right here and right now.”

“Behave, Jackman!” You exclaimed as he quickly began playing with your hair and the two of you stood in a comfortable silence.

“Until next time, buttercup.”

“Until next time, Jackson.”

“Oh and I hope you don't mind me taking these?” He asked as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out the purple thong that you had been wearing earlier before it got discarded on the floor.

“You know purple's my favorite color.” Was all he said before he placed a kiss on your cheek.

After Jack had drove off, you went back into the house and the realization of what you had just done hit you.

You just cheated on your husband with your ex-boyfriend.

And didn't regret it one bit.

#jack harlow #jack harlow fic #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x black reader #jack harlow fanfic #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow smut #jack harlow fluff #jack harlow fanfiction #jackman thomas #jackman thomas harlow

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omegalomania · 2 years

Note

Wait why does everyone hate brendon urie again?

i was tempted to just say "google it" but honestly panic's pr team is working doubletime to sanitize this bastard so here's a quick primer for those who are out of the loop.

this got long so i’m putting it under a cut. as a warning, this is going to have discussions and screenshots of people saying and doing extremely morally reprehensible shit, including racist, homophobic, and transphobic language, sexual harassment of minors, and more. tread with caution.

i'm also going to top this off with the caveat that brendon has a history of saying generally stupid and casually shitty things that a lot of people have noticed and called attention to, but these were largely unremarkable in the sense that they were the sort of things that i was not surprised to hear a privileged cis dude say. so while that's definitely a factor - the guy has said very shitty, openly racist, gross things, etc., numerous times and on numerous platforms and i do not want to overlook that - i also don't want to pretend like that’s the only thing going on here because there is a lot of other heinous shit at work.

i’m also not going to go into the intricacies of song meanings or lyrics and the like aside from a couple touchstone examples. it’s pretty public knowledge by now that i don’t know how but they found me (henceforth referred to as idkhow, fronted by dallon weekes, who worked/toured with panic for a good eight years as its bassist) has quite a few numbers that take implicit and explicit aim at panic, most prominently the video for their single “do it all the time,” which featured dallon setting fire to all the suits he used to wear on tour with the band. it’s an open secret that dallon was not treated very well during his time with panic, but we’ll get to that. the point here is that i don’t want to focus on conjecture of speculation when we have a wealth of very hard evidence at our disposal.

so let’s get into it.

the real Poop started up late 2019 iirc, when numerous panic fans started passing around stories about zack hall, panic's bodyguard and security guy who had been with the band since the fever era. as the only person who had actually been with the band as long as brendon himself, zack had a fair amount of sway with the fans and was notably very very close with brendon. as more and more people spoke up, it became apparent that zack had done a whole lot of things that i would term as "incredibly fucked up" over the years with people being generally afraid to say anything. it’s been pointed out to me that these accusations only picked up traction around that time; fans have been raising flags about zack’s behavior for years without any reaction from panic’s management.

around this time, discussion began circulating that brendon himself had sexually harassed/assaulted multiple fans (many of them minors at the time). some of these accusations, such as his attempt to solicit nudes from fans, have proven to be way muddier to and harder to confirm, seeing as brendon was allegedly not in charge of his socials for some of this time and one of the people using his handles to solicit fans for nudes was reportedly a former stalker of his, chelsey lynn.

i think it is worth noting that brendon has brought up his history with “stage gay” with founding member, guitarist, composer, and lyricist ryan ross and mentioned that brendon’s attempts to get handsy on stage were not always taken kindly (emphasis mine):

For our first headline tour I would go up to Ryan our guitar player, and like kiss him on the neck or kiss him on the mouth and he would be so mad. I was like, I just want to kiss you bro.

(that’s also the interview where brendon tried to both-sides the issue of roseanne being a hideous fucking racist. so, fun stuff.)

in any case, it took brendon four months to respond to any of the accusations leveled at him and zack. he ended up doing so by filming a two-minute apology on his twitch account (which was locked to subscribers only, meaning it was essentially monetized) [twitter thread summary for those who can't stomach it], only to say that he was just too anxious to say anything and that while zack had been removed from his position, he and brendon would remain close friends. he did not respond to any of the allegations against himself, and proceeded to basically go completely radio silent on all social media until reemerging in 2022 to promote viva las vengeance.

(contrast to this to how speedily he fired touring guitarist kenny harris in 2018 when multiple allegations arose that he was soliciting underage girls. he was removed from the tour in less than twenty-four hours. while the expediency of this was praised at the time, it retroactively raises a lot of questions as to how much brendon and/or zack knew about this behavior beforehand and were simply waiting for a good PR call to do something about it.)

brendon seeing no issues with zack’s behavior and only doing something about it when backed into a corner is very much not a good look, and is suggestive of the possibility that he’s complicit in or at the very least tolerant of this kind of fuckery.

but wait. theres more.

beyond the genuine fucked up behavior, brendon also has a history of severely mistreating his bandmates. we could get into the politics of the infamous schism that split founding member ryan ross (along with bassist jon walker) from brendon and the band’s drummer, spencer smith, but that is its own bag of worms and this post is long enough already. that drama is very well-covered. however, i think it’s worth noting that out of every single member of the band that has come through it, both creative contributor and touring member, the only former member to depart the band amiably was spencer, who took his leave because of struggles with alcoholism. he’s the only one who remains on good terms with brendon to this day, but he’s also technically brendon’s boss at this point since he helps manage the label dcd2, of which panic at the disco is a part.

most apparent and well-documented of brendon’s spotty history with his own bandmates is his treatment of dallon weekes and his wife, breezy weekes, while the former was writing and touring with the band. in that little zack hall clusterfuck above you can see places where breezy talked about being repeatedly harassed but electing to keep quiet so that dallon wouldn't risk losing his job. reportedly they both went to panic's management to put a stop to it, but the bad behavior continued, with both zack hall and brendon’s wife, sarah urie, as propagators. there was public outcry as people insisted that dallon and breezy were making this up for attention. however, eventually former touring guitarist (from 2009-2012) ian crawford (along with his sister), both spoke up to corroborate that zack's behavior (and brendon's enabling of it) were very much recurring issues and were part of the reason that ian left panic in the first place. ian's twitter is no longer active, so all i have are screenshots on tumblr for this one.

dallon has not spoken of his time spent with panic with much fondness. he replaced bassist jon walker in 2009 and contributed creatively on both vices and virtues (2011) and too weird to live, too rare to die (2013). for the former, he was responsible for the concept and album art. for the latter, he got writing credit for all but two of the tracks (casual affair and end of all things), and you can even find an early version of "far too young to die" that was originally penned for one of dallon's earlier projects, the brobecks. the controversial track "girls/girls/boys" (as well as “all the boys”) from too weird was written for dallon's wife, breezy, as a celebration for her pansexuality. the finished product would end up being about an alleged threesome brendon had.

in 2015 dallon stated that he would no longer be involved in panic’s writing process but would continue to serve as touring bassist before departing officially in 2017 and focusing all his efforts on the aforementioned idkhow along with former falling in reverse drummer (and former fellow brobecks bandmate) ryan seaman. while dallon has remained relatively cagey about his time with panic (as is entirely within his rights), he has on occasion commented that he often felt bullied and belittled in the workplace, and once referred to zack hall as "the actual worst person [he had] ever met."

breezy has been more frank about what dallon had to deal with during his time with the band and over time, dallon has been more up front about this as well. turns out dallon was underpaid to the point where he had to take up a second job cleaning carpets while touring with panic, and working side jobs and donating plasma for gas money between tours. this continued well into 2010 and possibly for longer. the ratio was reportedly something like $400 a night compared to brendon's $15k paycheck, so take that as you will.

that's most of what i can remember. i tried to sauce everything i could but please let me know if i missed anything. i also tried to embed the images but doing so kept breaking the damn post cause this is a webbed site so you only get links SORRY

tldr brendon urie is self-absorbed prick who hoards credit, mistreats his musicians, shelters predators, and may very well be a predator himself. fuck him.

also, while i definitely don't want to downplay the severity of just how horrendous a lot of this shit is, in the interests of not wrapping this on a totally down note i do want to mention that people were writing brendon and panic out of the "emo trinity" legacy as early as mid-2019 because everyone hated pray for the wicked that fucking much. after having to endure the musical travesty that is high hopes innumerable times during every single 20-minute grocery store run i was ready to chalk up my dislike of him to sheer annoyance so you can imagine my surprise when i learned that not only was this annoyance justified i wasn't actually hating him nearly enough.

#panic at the disco #brendon urie #yeah whatever ill maintag this just in case people arent aware #also yes you can reblog this as a general rule i never put something on this blog im not ok w people reblogging #have fun go wild whatever but people looking to pick a fight WILL be blocked #i was watching a lot of this going down in real time but there arent a lot of useful consolidations of all this information #and i'd like to stress that this is a fraction of a fraction of whats out there #theres also a lot of discussion on tiktok reportedly?? idk i dont have a tiktok and never will #if anyone feels like adding anything feel free but do please source it #i have had to fight off TOO many intrepid discoursers with a pointy stick to deal with unsauced claims currently #askin hours #anon #SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG also i have been drinking quite a bit at this point hopefully this is all coherent lol

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aldryrththerainbowheart · 1 year

Text

Guts SFW alphabet

Fandom: Berserk

Relationships: Guts x reader

Note: Gaaagh...Finally! It's done. My message box is swarming with ideas and asks and I had to get this done before doing anything else. Again, I'm posting a random pic instead of Berserk related pic because I can.

-Aldryrth

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Sorry, Guts’ range of affection is caring whether you live or die. That being said, the man would at least try if he end up in a relationship. Hard life toughens people up, but it also makes them more sensitive, and tender in some places. Like scar tissue that has never been completely restored. There are moments when Guts needs you. He survived many of these battles with his mental health somehow intact because there was always your voice, bringing him back from the dark corners of his mind, reminding him why is he fighting.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Protective. You’re not getting into any fights or following your stupid ideas as long as Guts is around. He’s the type of friend you’d ask for a huge favor and all he’d say would be: “When?” and “Whaddya want me to do?” He’s a constant, reassuring presence in your life. It’s difficult to gain his friendship, but when you do it’s for a lifetime.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

The mans a cuddler, even though he doesn’t know it. He may not even realize what he’s doing is cuddling or he may do it unconsciously. Whether he leans on you after a long day of traveling or drapes an arm around you when sleeping. Guts gets more cuddly the more he is tired, so I advise you to take advantage of that.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

All Guts know is to swing a sword, but if the war ended and Griffith would be defeated, there would be no use for mercenaries like him, so he would be forced to settle. Changing your life is always easier when you have someone adapting with you. He would need your help and support when accustoming to this new lifestyle. If given the right instructions, there are not many Guts couldn’t do with his hands. I see him as the type to build a house he’d live in with his partner and family. Occasionally his hands would itch to hold a sword handle, so you could find him in the backyard of his home swinging with that massive blade of his.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He would approach the matter the way he does everything in life, straight ahead, bluntly, and to the point. He thinks you deserve that the matter is dealt as painlessly and quickly as possible, without any shitty excuses.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quickly would they want to get married?)

Guts never thought about marriage before. That goes against his credo which is: to plan only for the next day ahead. The lives of mercenaries tend to be short and unpredictable, so there’s no reason for any big plan such as marriage. Another reason why Guts may not rush into engagement is he is not used to such big commitments. Technically, the last time he gave away his life to someone it didn’t end well. He may be worried about leaving you alone in this world if he were to die. It may not even occur to Guts that he could marry someone he’s considered a partner for some while. His comrades would have to probably knock some sense into him and tell him it’s about the time most couples get married by this point.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

The black swordsman is the definition of Not Gentle in any sense of the word. Now there’s something that needs to be said. When a person is accused of lack of gentleness or outright called brute, we usually envision someone inherently cruel and mean. With Guts, it’s a mix of his personality, background, and severe trauma that caused his overall roughness. Gentleness had no place in his life. He never encountered it, nor he had any use for it. The reason he’s such a skilled mercenary is exactly his toughness. This goes so far that Guts is confused and defensive when given a shred of kindness. However, people who were not treated kindly and were forced to be tough by their environment are often those most sensitive. He may not know how to be gentle, but he can teach, observe, absorb, and even reciprocate if given the right pointers.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Addressing the previous text, Guts is tougher than nails mercenary swordsman. Hugs is not something he usually participates in. In anime and manga, he even pushed people away when they got into his personal space, specifically telling people not to touch him. It’s a defense mechanism. Most of the physical contact he got in his life was in a form of combat and he doesn’t know how to feel about other kinds. He’s scared of being vulnerable with someone, understandably. Give him time. Be careful with him. Take small steps. First, get him to allow you to stand close to him. Then, casual, fleeting touches. Until you wrap your arms around him. Better yet, ask him if you can touch him and wait patiently for consent, or open your arms and prompt Guts to embrace you on his own terms. Your first hug is endearingly awkward. Guts kinda woodenly wrapping his arms around you, not really touching you, with the two-inch distance between your bodies. Until he slowly presses his body into you, standing there like a statue, unsure what else to do. While you have time of your life, smushing your face into his pecs and caressing his back.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Probably never. Guts may never tell you these exact words, but he would show you with his actions. These words just don’t come to him easily. He’d rather say: “You’re important to me” or “I can’t lose you”.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

The black swordsman may actually get quite jealous and possessive. He would tell you that he’s not possessive, merely territorial over something that belongs to him. Most of the time he doesn’t overstep your boundaries unless he’s truly feeling threatened. He had to fight tooth and nail for that handful of possessions he has, you bet your ass he’d always keep a check on you. For Guts, it’s not that he thinks you would cheat on him, but more that other people might get funny ideas. He’s also competitive as hell, I don’t think that’s being talked enough about.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

The flavor of Guts’ kisses depends on the situation and the stage of your relationship. In the beginning, the kisses will be hesitant and soft, due to Guts’ lack of experience, mixed with his nervousness and clumsiness in anything intimate. He quickly presses his lips to yours, hoping you wouldn’t notice the slight tremble and pause before his lips met yours. And yes, Guts’ is really nervous about messing up your first kiss. He would die first before admitting it tho. After he gets confident in his skills and his position in your relationship, his kisses would get more passionate and powerful. This guy is big on I-haven’t-seen-you-for-some-time-and-I-have-to-have-you-now kinds of kisses. The ones when he stalks to you in powerful strides, dark eyes boring into you. Unknknowing bystanders would think he wants to kill you from his body language. Although Guts has some stabbing in the plan, as he sweeps you into his arms and his mouth devours yours, ignorant about where he is or who’s watching. If that’s the case everybody better get the fuck out of his way because he’s been craving you for months.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Not really, Guts are not good with kids. He doesn’t know how to interact with them or how to treat them. Not to mention he finds their weakness and innocence triggering. However, in the manga, he clearly tries his best to take care of that little kid. As he grows older, he might associate a family with the stability he never had, and when he holds his child, an incredible sense of protectiveness washes over him. Extremely protective parent who treats his children like they are made of glass, even as they get older. He’s the type of dad that doesn’t always communicate and connects well with his kids, but they know he means well.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Guts usually wake up before you to start the day with a bit of sword training. When he gets to the point in his life where there’s no imminent danger or quest, he likes to laze around for a day. Good luck getting anything done when he decides it’s one of these days because the man is not spending that time in bed alone.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

In an established relationship with Guts, things quickly fall into a routine. Once you actually have a place to live in, evenings become your favorite routine. As you both prepare for bed, you watch muscles rippling in his back as he pulls his shirt over his head and he brushes your hair, you two settle for bed. You don’t go a single night without sharing a kiss goodnight. When he sleeps, Guts always unconsciously touch some part of your body with his.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Phew…that’s a tough one…Very, very, very late into the relationship. Obviously, there are things that are extremely hard for him to talk about and then there are things he talks about matter-of-factly and flippantly without realizing how awful and traumatizing the event was. Sadly, Guts doesn’t have all the standards as to how he should be treated. He also has major memory lapses and remembers only chunks of twisted versions of moments from his past.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Well, he is a berserker. Patience or serenity is not his forte. Then again he took upon a Sisyphean task of defeating Gods’ Hand and Griffith. I’ll say he has short temper for short-time things, but when he sets his sight on something, he goes a long and strenuous way to get it. With his partner, certain things just boil his blood. Not listening to his orders, getting injured or pestering him with questions, and sometimes having pretty reasonable demands. Guts go-to emotion is usually anger and then he actually thinks about it and realizes he was a bit too harsh, or not. The mans stubborn as hell. He just won’t budge on some things.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Guts surprise you with how many things he knows and remembers about you. You feel sometimes like he doesn’t care about you the way you do for him, but you’re wrong. He’s always watching, always listening even if it doesn’t look like it. He always keeps checking on you, especially in crowded places. He can be talking to anybody or looking the other way but his senses will be always acutely aware of your presence. Before you two got together he listened intently to your chatter with others, looking like he couldn’t care less or even that the noise annoys him (brat).

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Your first time. It may sound silly but your first time was literally the definition of perfect, at least for him. It was after a battle with one of the apostles. They were dead but at the price of Guts’ wrecked body and mind. You were changing his bandages at the moment you carefully treated his wounds with a contracted stomach. You were a superb healer, but you can’t do miracles. Then, you noticed him shaking. You dropped everything and held onto him until he calmed down. After that, he suddenly pressed his lips against yours and start to pull at your clothes. The last thing he remembers is you urging him to be gentle, otherwise, he’ll open his wounds. And he was, in fact, he remembers that moment to this day because the Black Swordsman is not a soft man, but back then he loved with all the softness he didn’t even know he possessed.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Extremely protective. One of the few signs of him showing affection. I’m pretty sure as Berserk fans we can all see and agree on strong protective urges for this man, but only to certain people. Now what needs to be talked about more is how weak it makes Guts when someone is protective of him. The older he gets, the more he learns to appreciate that, especially after Eclipse.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

His partner would have to be the one keeping track of these things. Guts would even think it’s nonsense. You love one another, why address it with such frivolities?

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Guts is unadaptable and stubborn. This man will probably hurt your feelings a lot before you get together. Guts don’t mince words and when it comes to empathy he’s like an elephant in a porcelain shop. Many times he watched you leave angrily or in tears with a thought Was it something I said? Ugh. Good luck if you try to talk him out of something, the man won’t budge, no matter how wrong it is. Compromises don’t work with this guy. He’s an insensitive fuck. Part of it is his trauma, and part of it is just him being a jerk. There’s a reason he never had a partner, Guts has a charm of a tree stump. Guts also likes to throw himself in danger mindlessly, to the point where you are not worried for him anymore, just annoyed and frustrated. His idea of heroism is confused with stupidity. Impatient. Whatever it is, he wanted it done yesterday before he even thought of it. Very private guy, to the point where he’ll budge only when your relationship is at stake. Sorry to tell you, but being with this guy is just not easy. Guts knows he’s a bit of an ass, all the more he appreciates that you give him the time of your day.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Guts don’t give a rat's ass about how he looks, as long as he doesn’t smell bad in front of you. He doesn’t consider himself attractive. His blueprint for an attractive man was always Griffith, considering how everyone swooned over him, and since he’s his exact opposite, personality and looks wise, he’s gotta be ugly right? That doesn’t bother him any. He always perceived his body in terms of functionality, not appearance. He’s big and sturdy enough to withstand most blows and strong enough to wield his sword, that’s what matters to him. Not if he meets someone who considers him attractive and is pretty vocal about it well…Needless to say, your words of admiration occupy his mind even if he brushes you off. If he ever catches you watching him, he maybe, maybe preens a little and would throw in an extra flex for some more appreciative looks. Now he understands why Griffith enjoys them so much.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Depends on the depth of your relationship. For me, it’s very difficult to say how Guts would handle his loss of you. By experience, he would power through it and would do his best to move on because no amount of grieving would bring you back. The longer the two of you would be together, the more he would feel the lack of your presence in everything he has, everything he sees, and everything he experiences. Even the smallest of things. The empty space on shelves where your stuff occupied it. The plant that you used to take care of is now wilting. Your smell starts to dissipate from your sheets. If Guts misses you, he’ll never shows it in front of others.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Guts has social anxiety and doesn’t know it. This is medieval times we’re talking about, so the concept of mental health didn’t even exist until the 19th century. His avoidance of social gatherings and large groups goes beyond his lone-wolf persona. The mans anxious and scared. Whenever he’s in a large crowd his heartbeat picks up, he gets overwhelmed and disoriented and has to get himself out of there. His partner knows this and they’re his support the same way cheetahs have support dogs. You make this more bearable just by him being able to sense your presence through your joined hands.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Lack of character. You Gotta learning how to Stand up for yourself. He can't dote on you and watch alternativní you all the time. Guts doesn't have patience with shy and meek People.

People that talk about themselves 24/7. The royal country was swarmed People like this and all they ever earned from Guts was a .ocking scoff. Let him Děčíně if you're worthy of his time with actions rather than words.

People who have constant need to prove something about themselves. cough Griffith cough

Clingy people. The quickest way to turn him off. He loves you he chose you, there’s no need for you to follow him like a lost puppy all the time. He’s bit of an ass. Guts will consider even general affection between two lovers as clinginess. You come up to him to take his arm and he’ll rips it away like you’ve bruned him. Relax, jeez.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Depends on time and place, he can be very heavy sleeper. If he's wrought out after battle, he'll sleep like a log. Most of the times though, he's alert even in his sleep. Not even a mouse gets past his. Also, his night tend to be mostly his curse with one or two hours of sleep. If he's able to fall into deep sleep in your presence it's a sign that he trusts you. Lot's of tossing and turning. Whoever sleeps with better watch out or they'll end up with black eye.

#berserk x reader #berserk anime #berserk manga #guts berserk #berserk #guts x reader #fluff #sfw alphabet #i love this gif he looks so carefree

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last-ofthe-starks · 2 years

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HOTD episode six easter eggs and thoughts

Out the gate I immediately noticed the difference in the cinematography, the first two scenes are all one take and it’s incredibly impressive. As the show runners stated, this was meant to feel like a new pilot episode for the series as we reboot with new, older versions of actors. As a book reader, it worked for me. As a non-book reader, I’d be curious how it felt to watch.

The relationship between Rhaenyra and Laenor is established so quickly and with so few words. Their conversation following the birth of Joffrey makes it very clear that not only is Laenor fine with the arrangement they have, but he is often tone deaf and oblivious to Rhaenyra’s daily life. We see that the two are companions but it’s made clear that Rhaenyra is still the stronger of the two personalities, and understands the larger game being played here. It was also interesting to see that the naming of their third son was not a mutual decision in which Rhaenyra agreed and showed great sympathy for Laenor, but a last ditch effort by Laenor to have some input in his own life.

Fuck you Criston Cole. His smug face just irks me, so very well done by Fabien Frankel. The one critique I have over this is that his clear and utter hatred of Rhaenyra and her children is not properly fleshed out. Right now with the time jump, it doesn't give a clear motivation for his anger; many viewers of last weeks episode still interpreted his anger at Rhaenyra incorrectly, and believe it was due to him being in love and heart broken. In reality it stems much deeper than that, and I think the viewers would have benefited from at least one conversation (likely between Criston and Alicent) where he makes it very clear that it was not so much his heart being broken by Rhaenyra that turned him, it was her disregard for his honor and his perceived understanding that she did not care for the consequences of their actions. In reality it takes two to tango and you could see very clearly that he had many opportunities to stop and didn’t so, sorry Criston. I do not feel bad for you.

Moving right along, fuck you to Alicent and her faux concern when Rhaenyra enters her chambers. WHAT A SCENE and introduction to Olivia Cooke’s Alicent. Her character has an interesting arch over the course of this episode, starting with sheer cruelty in order to make a point that her husband refuses to entertain or acknowledge. Because of this rejection of the truth, Alicent is closing in on wits end. In her mind, the search for honor and truth trump the love a father has for a daughter, and Viserys dishonors them all by allowing Rhaenyra to get away with her actions. And I can’t say she is wrong, because Rhaenyra has dishonored her family, and has been able to get away with a lot thanks to Viserys’s protection. But he is the King, and Alicent will do everything in her power to try and undermine and sandbag him, including this shitty scene where she pulls Rhaenyra from labor to present her child to her. To me there is no excuse for that.

Ah, Viserys. Man is looking ROUGH in this episode and Paddy Considine deserves an award for wearing all those prosthetics. Viserys is a wonderful grandfather and father in this episode (in that he clearly loves his children and grandchildren beyond measure) and it’s a shame how in the dark he is. Or rather, how keeps himself there by choosing to look the other way when it comes to Rhaenyra. There are still glimpses of him not being completely oblivious (like accusing Aegon of being the mastermind behind the pig), but overall he continues to create problems for himself and everyone around him.

Speaking of the kids and grandkids, this is the new era of this show finally appearing on screen and I have to say, I wasn’t disappointed. With 10 years between this episode and last, there is a ton of information missing here, but they showed us rather than told us who these kids were. They allowed us to see their personalities in the short amount of air time each had individually and the dynamics of them all were clearly presented.

Jace and Luke are adorable little fire crackers, and it’s interesting to see how they appear to get along fine with Aegon and Aemond at the beginning of the episode. Then we start to see that they tend to side with Aegon since he is the clear leader, and alienate Aemond. Aemond is presented as a very insecure, shy boy and that is what motivates his storyline moving forward. With next to no dialogue I picked up on that. Next is Helaena, who is depicted as a very learned girl with interests likely considered perverse for the time. She is an important character and this is the first time we see her properly so I am curious how she will be presented next time. She also makes an interesting comment “he’ll have to close an eye” which is incredible foreshadowing.

Aegon is a twat. But I do like that we can clearly see that before Alicent’s interference, he was friendly with Rhaenyra’s kids and a typical oblivious teenage boy with no real understanding of his role. The actor did a great job with him.

The CGI on Vermax in the dragon pit is incredibly well done, once again they are killing it with the dragons, including our first sighting of Vhagar.

Daemon and Laena are a power couple like no other and I love the sequence of them racing their dragons, looking all happy. It only that happiness were lasting. Similar to Rhaenyra’s storyline, all looks like Daemon’s life has been happy and care free for the past 10 years, but the longer we watch the more cracks we can see in their relationship.

The triatchy has made an resurgence, and the lords of Pentos are offering Daemon and Laena a home, and their loyalties in exchange for the protection of their dragons, and while Laena wishes to leave Pentos and return to Driftmark to raise their children and return to the responsibilities they inevitably hold due to their ancestral houses. Laena wants her children to be raised Dragonriders amongst her people, not the Lady of a large home in Pentos that does not truly belong to her. Alternatively, Daemon is clearly enjoying the peace that Pentos is offering him, and whether that is because he wishes it for himself, his family, or simply feels the need to stay away from Rhaenyra is still unclear.

In the books, it is said that Daemon, Rhaenyra, Laenor and Laena were all friends, especially Laena and Rhaenyra. It was said they would spend a great deal of time together, and that Rheanyra would visit Laena and Dameon on Driftmark often. With the show, it is implied that none of them have seen each other in all the time that has passed, and likely that Daemon and Laena fell off the face of the earth, with few people knowing their true whereabouts. This will effect how next episode is portrayed because Rhaenyra was grieving Laena as well when her and Daemon meet again. In the show, it looks like that might not be the case (unless they imply that Rhaenyra and Laena had seen each other in those 10 years and had been friends).

The whole episode starts off by making it seem like Rhaenyra and Daemon are both doing okay within the lives they chose, but it’s clear by the end of the episode that this was a.) not the case and b.) certainly isn’t now. During their conversation on the roof, it is clear that Laena and Daemon marriage is not perfect. Far from it actually. And it seems like it’s slowly been unravelling over time. Like we saw in the previous episode, Laena was aware that she was not going to compare to Rhaenyra for Daemon, and had come to peace with that. I hope we see more insight into Daemon’s feelings about the marriage in the next episode, and that he is able to repair his relationship with his daughters.

Speaking of which, this notion that the episode has a lot of false portrayals of happiness is mirrored in Daemon’s relationship with his daughters. The first time we see this family they all look so happy, we see Daemon teaching them how to speak High Verlyrian, kissing his wife’s belly and unborn child, and seemingly being a good father figure to them. But then Rhaena lets it slip that he ignores her, and you can tell something is going on with Daemon beyond his political desires to stay in Pentos.

When Laena is giving birth to their third child my heart broke. This whole scene was explained very differently in the book. In Fire and Blood, Daemon and Laena are already back on Driftmark when she goes into labor. And she does give birth, to a stillborn son who died only a few hours later. After the birth, she is so severely weakened that she remained in bed for three days until she died. It was rumored she attempted to fly Vhagar one last time but collapsed before she could reach her, and that Daemon carried her back to bed. I don’t know how I feel about the change made on the show but with her earlier comment about dying a Dragonrider’s death, I get it. But choosing to make this character commits suicide rather than letting her pass away the way she had in the books seems like it was done for shock factor more than plot.

They really went for a one two punch with Laena then Harwin leaving, and then the fire at Harrenhal. Honestly, justice for Harwin in more than one way. This dude was an amazing man, the scene with him and his father made me feel for him so deeply. Then the scene in the courtyard where he defends his two sons against Criston was another great scene where he did so much without saying hardly anything. You can tell that in an alternative world, he and Rhaenyra would be raising those boys together, teaching them how to be brave warriors and living a happy life.

Lyonel Strong resigning as Kings Hand is SO BAD for everyone wow wow wow. Larys is quickly learning how to play the game and it’s clear he has no issue breaking and bending the rules to get himself in a better position. By arranging meetings with the Queen, he has his finger on the pulse of Kings Landing and can see where he might be of use in furthering the chaos. His allegiance is with the moment. When he arranges the murders of his father and brother, it is so that Alicent is in his debt. She did not directly ask for him to commit this crime, but he twists her words and implies that it was for her benefit so that Otto can be restored of hand of the king. As a retult, Larys has the ear of the Queen and is now the heir to Harrenhal in one move.

Lastly, I love Emma’s portrayal of Rhaenyra, I couldn't take my eyes off of them, I found them to be wonderful. Olivia Cooke was great too, but her version of Alient definitely felt a lot different than Emma’s. I could recognize Milly’s portrayal in Emma's moreso than Olivia’s. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing but an observation.

I also needed more Daemon in this episode, so I guess we will wait for the next one, which looks wildly good.

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jerzwriter · 11 months

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You are so fucking disgusting Elsa. Using your bland ass straight white bitch MC to be the MC of the Month for Pride Month.

You’ve gone really low

Good morning, Nonny.

I'd like to say hope you're having a good day, but clearly, you're not.

I was 50/50 on putting this in my "delete because Nonny is a bitter troll who doesn't deserve the attention/exposure they desperately crave" file. But this anon goes beyond the usual "I'm a pathetic human who hates someone on the internet who has zero impact on my life so much because of (insert stupid/insane reason here), so I'm going to be a vile bully and send them anonymous hate because - IDK - I can't find a good therapist? I'm off my meds? I'm just a vile piece of shit?" See, I no longer waste my time or energy on those.

But I decided to answer this because a) you're wrong, and b) you're engaging in bi-erasure - something that happens in the fandom and in real life every day, and I'm not going to pass up a chance to educate your ignorance and address your bigotry.

Casey was picked at random - the same way all MCOTMs and WOTMs are. I grappled with the decision to highlight her bisexuality... because of people like you. In the end, I decided to be true to the character. I've been dealing with people like you my entire life - in my personal life - never mind fandom. So let's educate.

Bisexuality is real - people.

Your ignorance in understanding it doesn't make it any less real. I am proudly bi, but trust me, it feels like a pretty shitty thing to be at times. You're never queer enough for many in the queer community, but you're too queer for those who aren't. There is no real safe space outside of a precious few who get it. And I mean few.

Your straight friends talk shit about you "doing this" to be "cool/get attention" or whatever... and they're "relieved" when you're in a hetero-presenting relationship. Your queer friends are happiest when you're with a same-sex partner, and if you're not, they accuse you of lying about who you are or "hiding." It's awesome. You know, instead of just having friends that are fucking happy if you're happy. People CAN BE and ARE attracted to more than one gender and the feelings/love we have toward both are real, valid and do not have to be explained to anyone.

Anyone who follows my MC (and I don't believe Nonny has) knows that Casey has been presented as bisexual from the day I entered this fandom. If some choose to ignore that, that's on them, not me. The fact that she is half of a pairing that is hetero-presenting does not make her any less bisexual. How ignorant are you?

Her profile clearly states she's bi. I've written about her being an activist for LGBTQ rights and about her reluctance about coming out to her parents (because she doesn't believe she should have to "come out," why is straight the default?). I've introduced her ex-girlfriend, Jessica, in fics and text fics, and discussed Casey's identity at length in numerous asks over the years.

So, yes, her current partner is a man, and he ends up being the love of her life. GUESS WHAT! THAT HAPPENS TO BI PEOPLE! And, TRUST, we know the privilege that comes with being in a hetero-presenting relationship. I've never once had someone throw something at me or hurl slurs when I've held a male partner's hand in public, but I've had it happen when my partner is a woman. But no one bi is "suddenly straight" because of it! And asking us to parade as hetero just because we're with an opposite-sex partner is pushing us into a closet - and I'm sorry, but fuck you - because no one belongs there.

Last June, I deliberately avoided all pride-related events in the fandom (NOT in real life). I did so because I was coping with the guilt that is tantamount to being bisexual. The "Should I put it out there. I mean, there are others who are more queer, right? I have no right to do this? Their characters are more important than mine, right?" And yeah, I've felt that way in real life, too. THIS is what it's like being bi. I'm out for decades, I'm comfortable and proud of who I am, I counsel younger people in the community that they are valid - and I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes right now because with all of that, THIS SHIT STILL CREEPS IN - largely because of s-bags like this Nonny.

So you know what, I'm not grappling with it anymore. It's pride month, and in real life, I'm celebrating to the fucking max. And you know what - I'm doing it in the fandom too. Casey is going to be as out and fucking proud as I want her to be, and if it makes your ass uncomfortable, well, that's not my fucking problem.

Re-read your ask, Nonny. The only disgusting person in this exchange is you. Do fucking better.

#playchoices #choices fandom #bisexuality awareness #bi erasure #hate anons #open heart choices #do fucking better #your ignorance is showing #pride

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gengarghast · 3 days

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Howdy, folks!

It has come to my attention that an anon may be going around and dropping hate messages in my mutuals' askboxes, claiming that I am a pedophile and a sex freak!

Continued below the cut- This is gonna be a long one. TLDR, they're either making shit up, exaggerating things and taking them out of context, or bringing up stuff that happened in the past.

TW: Pedophilia mention, kink discussion, drama.

Note: I didn't censor the word in the top line, the person who told me about this did and didn't wanna tell me what it said.

These are not new accusations, unfortunately. I've dealt with them before, and I promise this is 100% just a smear campaign fuelled by a personal vendetta.

The 17 year old they reference here is my good friend and ex, @/manix-valentine, who I do not have romantic or sexual feelings towards- Our relationship is purely platonic. Well- They COULD be talking about someone else, but it's highly unlikely.

As for the "disgusting fetish" they claim I need to "satisfy"... It's hypnosis. I got a hypnokink. Which I used to do with Val when we were dating, because- And I feel like I must emphasize this- It was consensual. She wanted me to do it- I'm not some kind of hypno-rapist like you see in the pornos. Consent is extremely important to me, and I would never force someone to do erotic roleplay with me. Regardless, Crushon.ai would be my go-to should I ever need to "satisfy" my fetishes- Not my ex who is also a minor.

The anon also mentions my Twitter- Which you wouldn't find under the name 'Gengarghast' because that one was suspended a couple of years ago because I told too many zoophiles to kill themselves. But that's beside the point- What they were referring to with my Twitter were the unsavory things I did there when I was 16 years old, namely lying about my age and pretending to be an 18 year old to erp. Which, yes, shitty fucking thing to do, but that was 2 years ago- I have grown and changed since then, and I don't lie about my age to erp with strangers anymore.

Of course, there are other things I've done- I've been an unfaithful internet partner, a crummy friend on occasion, and I've done some other things that I am deeply ashamed of, but can explain or rationalize. However, I personally think that I do not deserve to be hunted down and have smear campaigns launched at me wherever I go.

And yes, this is a smear campaign. Both Valentine and I have gotten similar messages from an anon, Valentine's message shaming her for her own kinks and telling her to delete her account. The message I got was about Valentine, claiming that she 'stole her name from someone else' and that she was 'obsessed with me' and 'stalks an adult user she used to be friends with'- All three being complete lies or exaggerations, same as with this new message. Both times, the anon spoke as if they knew the person beforehand, which gives me all the reason I need to believe that this is intentional slander and an attempt to paint myself and her as morally disgusting people in order to get us driven off Tumblr with mocking and hate from people they turn against us, as I was from Twitter.

I don't have a way to close out this way-too-long post, but- I'm really fucking tired of getting called a pedophile because I just turned 18 in January of this year and still have underage friends. I mean, I even got called in to the fucking principal's office over this.

So! If you receive a message similar to this, don't respond to it. Just screenshot, delete the message, and let me know about it- Preferably alongside sending me the screenshot. I would be happy to answer any questions you have to the best of my ability.

#Gengarghast #Important #Long post #Drama

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vegasandhishedgehog · 1 year

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I've held off posting for a long time about the issue regarding Build and Poi.

A lot of things have rubbed me wrong about the way it went down, how the people involved handled it in the beginning, I am severely allergic to Twitter, and all in all, it's been so much to take in and digest over the past few weeks. I have no real understanding of law for any fucking country and I am not a source blog for news or updates or translations. Speaking in support of anyone, to me, seems perfectly inappropriate and useless. As much as I have my own personal thoughts and feelings, I'm aware of biases and that's no basis for an open conversation.

That, and well....I've been here before. I don't mean with the thing about the dug-up tweets that caused a riot a few months ago. I don't even mean controversial celebrity trials in general. I'm talking about people I personally knew very well being in a lawsuit where some hefty accusations were made and the community got split over their feelings about it. It's a fucking nightmare. I don't need to repeat those details because it was a different case and projecting any of those circumstances onto the one in question would be wrong.

So I'm only going to say this once.

Cut it out.

Stop being self-righteous. Stop taking extreme positions and cutting off friends whose thoughts and views vary. I don't care how convincing one side or the other is to you right now - we do not know the truth and there is a fairly long wait for us to have it laid out for us. If you look at those supporting the opposite side as you and don't think of yourself as also potentially supporting a guilty person, please take a moment to reflect. What is your goal by acting that way? To be right? To feel right? To "weed out the idiots"?

Curate your experience all you like, but cutting people off to such extremes is going to make for very small corners and very nasty echo chambers. This fandom looked itself in the mirror and got so ugly the mirror shattered and we're all just shards now. Little pods of pro-this, anti-that, unsure-something-or-other, etc. There's still so many unanswered questions, and evidence to be reviewed and cross-examined. Some of you will still choose to deny the outcome because it doesn't match the narrative in your head. But before you reach that level of desperation, I simply ask that you put your energy toward making and keeping this fandom a place where people can come for escape.

I won't judge you for being open about who you support here, if you have chosen a side. But attacking and othering people really doesn't make you the better person and you're not gonna get some kind of badge of honor for being woke. A lot of us are just people who come to fandom because it's what brings us joy in a world that is very fucked up, so coming into that space to start fires and burn bridges is really shitty. Making people feel uncomfortable to speak up because they might be attacked or cancelled for merely wanting a proper discussion is awful and I've seen enough.

For those of you who could really use a shoulder to lean on, my offer is here. I can't promise to be a perfect support, and if you're looking for some kind of mediator in an argument that won't be it. But I encourage anyone who needs to get their thoughts and feelings out to take that opportunity privately. Take a step back or a break if you feel like that's gonna help. If you're still unsure, do not hesitate to use any resource you can think of until something works. This has been hard on mental health for some people and it deserves to be acknowledged and given the attention necessary to help people recover.

I still love many people in the KinnPorsche fandom. I still love KinnPorsche. I would love things to heal, regardless of whatever comes out of this lawsuit. I would still love another season of the show if it were possible, for current and upcoming BOC projects to do well, and for the other actors and creators impacted to still enjoy happy lives and careers. I hope this post encourages thoughtfulness and honesty, and most of all, unity. If you've read this far, thanks for at least considering my input.

#kinnporsche #build jakapan #poi patchayamon #be on cloud #boc

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festeringfae · 9 months

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Soooooooo mad that Ace Attorney: Apollo Justice introduces the concept of judicial reform when by the time the original trilogy is over, all these characters have been so thoroughly fucked by the legal system that they're not only primed for abolition, they would probably wouldn't be opposed to burning the relevant buildings to the ground. Maya Fey has been falsely accused God knows how many times, has had to stumble across her sister's corpse because the local legal community repeatedly decided it wasn't worth risking their professional reputations to stop a blatantly dangerous and incompetent individual, and now that same legal community is sending the only person within it who cared about this fumble to jail (or possibly death), even though he already died once via trying to carry out justice through that very same the system.

Phoenix only joined the legal system to rescue Miles from it, the system that frames cases as having a "winner" and "loser," thus creating the mindset that rewarded Manfred Von Karma's behavior. Miles spends Game 2 babbling that crap about finding the truth that is no way supported by the system (likely huffing copium tbh) but regardless, by the time Game 3 rolls around, even he accepts that he will have to commit fraud in order for justice to be served, aided and abetted by Franziska. And they get away with it super easily, because the system is as incompetent as it is inherently, purposefully unjust.

And then AA4 has the audacity to ask us to believe a JURIST SYSTEM will help at all?

You think a JURIST SYSTEM would acquit ADRIAN ANDREWS, an unknown, mentally-ill woman, heavily implied to be sexually active, who fans of Juan and Matt would see as disloyal to both? A woman who not only cultivated the persona of "ice bitch," but followed it up with the PR mortal sin of letting her ice bitch persona crumble into tears and begging for help? You think a jurist system would acquit HER, compared to Matt "Refreshing As A Spring Breeze" Engarde? The only reason she gets acquitted in canon is because Gumshoe-- not a cop anymore-- steals from cops, and Franziska voluntarily decides to bring in the completely illegal, stolen evidence, and even THEN, they know they can't get justice from the system. They have to ask for justice from a hitman, who grants it, because even a killer for hire has more potential for morality than the legal system. Maya's rescue and Adrian's exoneration happen not because of the competency of the police system or the court system, but rather, explicitly in spite of standard legal procedures.

So YOU'RE telling ME that when Phoenix gets DISBARRED, not only does he want to get back to law, but his solution after 7 years of scheming is just...the shitty justice system already not working in the real world? REALLY? All this shit happens, and Klavier Gavin is MORE committed to being a lawyer instead of rebranding as an ACAB solo act? REALLY?!?!??

(I cannot even get into the hellscape that is Ema Skye feeling an OBLIGATION to this system in ANY CAPACITY, LET ALONE...)

"oh we made a sequel to the trilogy--" you fucked up a perfectly good narrative accidentally demonstrating why the law does not exist to keep us safe, is what you did! Look at it! It's got undermining neighborhood conflict resolution in favor of increasing the narrative support for copaganda!

#yes i am aware this is a children's video game but COME ON #that doesn't excuse ANY OF THIS #ya ruined my fantasy of ppl trapped in a parody of legal systems who all (correctly) hate it!!!#NEITHER PHOENIX NOR FRANZISKA HAVE EVER DEMONSTRATED THE LEAST BIT OF ENJOYMENT OR APTITUDE FOR THE ACTUAL JOB PARTS OF THEIR JOBS.#do not get me started on Interpol.#a rant for no one but me as i procrastinate #franziska would order a hit on kristoff & get diplomatic immunity from maya its really that simple #simpler actually bc everyone would be like 'yeah those r whip marks but she hates phoenix so no motive COLD CASE'

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lakesbian · 5 months

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TBH I've always responded to people I follow having painfully bad takes by sending them anons with worse versions of their takes in the hopes that it'll reverse psychology them into having bad takes. sometimes it works in the short term but like. obviously not this time lmao; wasn't putting my best efforts in this time. anyway I realize at this point I'm a sunglasses-wearing clown honking sad insults at you from a gutter I have withered away into but like. pretty unserious of you to say "it is very possible to talk things thru if u actually give me a conversation to work with instead of a brusque worst-case assumption about me lmao" about an interaction you initiated by accusing a stranger of misogyny on extremely dubious grounds. IMO

yeah that only works if the person receiving it has no actual preexisting opinion and is just passively reacting to whatever is set in front of them. i think the main disagreement here is really just about the dubiousness--i don't know about you guys but i am not exaggerating when i say that my hour long journeys through the parahumans subreddit in desperate search for good crumbs of art have led to me seeing at least a dozen or more posts about taylor being awful/manipulative/power-hungry/etc, incl. many comparisons to walter white (unsure why comparing her to walter white is a genre of parahumans post), and elaboration on ops reason for seeing her that way has Never Not Been Misogynist. i.e. its never not been treating her highly uncharitably compared to male characters using misogynistic language in a way actually comically similar to brians in text misogynistic accusation that she's intentionally trying to outperform the rest of them to make them reliant on her (when in reality shes just a woman who is more competent than him and he feels threatened by that).

so from my perspective the language used in the post in question was, like, a blaring red siren level of indicator in terms of its similarity to other posts I've seen use that phrasing and then go on to reveal a deeply misogynist thought process behind it. if i was wrong in assuming it was part of that pattern then good, i would love 2 eat crow on finding out smth i thought was likely coming from a place of prejudice was actually just regular wrong and not wrong (shitty). big fan of when things are not actually misogynist. but whether or not i was right aside i hope it makes sense why it read as a fairly common sense leap to me based on my prior experiences. (and on a tangentially related note, op liked my response clarifying that i was suspicious of implicit misogyny and explaining why, so i doubt that they're even particularly offended by it)

#ask #this still does not solve the mystery of who the previous 'we should sterilize wb' anons were from and why. Much to think about #should also probably clarify that due to. This time the blaring red siren did not actually indicate disaster. u r correct #that the grounds were not as firm as i thought they were & i shall be more generous w/ that going forwards to avoid being unfair 2 ppl #so lesson learned there yeah i just wanted to be clear abt Why i felt it wasn't dubious

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classicslesbianopinions · 6 months

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I think for me it's like - sure, I'd be sad if Lloyd won, because I love Antigone, I wanna talk about her, and I want others to know (or learn!) about her and love her like I do! But there's no real gain to winning a silly Tumblr poll other than a but of happiness. So the fact that the second Antigone pulled ahead everyone immediately went "oh, those shitty Greek mythology fans, they WOULD pull a cheat like this to get ahead, especially after how they've been treating Ninjago fans this week".

Because, like, I'm not gonna say there haven't been some jerk Antigone voters in the notes. But first of all - nearly all the 'mean' Antigone voters in the notes are saying things like "How are we losing to a Lego ninja show??" which, while not kind, isn't exactly worth the demonization to immediately assume we're obsessive shitheads who would get bots together OR SPEND MONEY (what classics tumblr user has money to spend on dumb stuff like this, are they real, how can I live like them, let me know blease) to freak out over a. a Tumblr poll. (I'm not talking abt the people who are saying watching a kid's show makes you immature or uncultured, that's silly and wrong.)

Second of all, for as many mean Antigone voters, there are JUST AS MANY Ninjago fans in the notes going "Wow, vote Lloyd to fuck over Greek mythology fans" (augh Antigone isn't even Greek mythology, stop conflating everything that's old and Greek with mythology. Actually, stop conflating everything that's Greek at all with ancient Greece and mythology, but that's a tangent-), "These pretentious shitheads deserve to lose", "Greek tragedy enjoyers are classist and no one even knows who Antigone is these days, vote Lloyd because they deserve to lose", that kind of thing. Like, nothing TERRIBLE, but it's wild to me the leaps in logic right over their hypocrisy. It's shitty to shit on someone's interests because it's media intended for a younger audience, and it's shitty to shit on someone's interests because its media written a long time ago. But now that thoodleoo and Friday Afternoon are swinging in all these Antigone voters (because surprise, just because a story is over two thousand years old and some of us had to read it in school doesn't mean no one likes it! People have always been people, regardless of their time period, and people have always written stories worth reading that people will care about! It scares me seeing so many of my generation reject classic works out of hand! There's a kneejerk reaction to call something old pretentious, dull, irrelevant, and/or problematic, without actually engaging and understanding why it has been so long-lasting, and it's also scary seeing my generation refuse to understand that they are not inherently better just because they are newer, humans have always been writing beautiful and meaningful works!!! Sorry this was also a tangent!!!!!!) suddenly it's "Wow, with the way Antigone voters have been treating Ninjago fans, it's no wonder they're awful enough to rig a vote."

It's just this - hypocrisy, I think, for me. A lot of these people have come to the conclusion that because they are fans of children's media they are being persecuted, but on Tumblr, that's really not true. Most of active Tumblr watches children's media and cartoons, and that's great! There's a lot of good shows out there for kids that have great stories and messages! But they refuse to see they're doing the exact same thing they're accusing us of doing - rejecting a work and a work's fans because of how they generalize the culture. IE, classics culture has to be petty, pretentious, and shitty. That's what's making me upset. I know we have a bad rep for a reason (behold, the scores of shitty cishet rich white men and what they do with classic asethetics and work, good lord) but the same can be said of shitty kid's cartoon fans (I will not go into that kind of person but you know what I mean). There's always going to be bad people who like good things! But equating all people who like what has been a revolutionary and culturally germane tragedy for two thousand years because it is personally relevant and important to them with snobbish jerks who hate you just because you like cartoons, and then deciding there can't possibly be enough of us to win so we have to be cheating... Ugh. Sorry for the rant in your inbox.

yeahhh i just feel like people are making a lot of assumptions which like. yeah that's what people do. but it's frustrating, and also honestly if you reject ancient literature out of hand you might miss out on stuff you'd like! which i mean is also true of just about any media, like i'm not really into kids' shows but also if i mocked and refused to watch any kids' show i would be worse off for it.

there definitely are some antigone voters being genuinely nasty (and particularly in the replies to the poll there are a couple people who really feel the need to belittle people) but i also feel like i've seen pretty nasty stuff from both sides and it's just like... well it would be nice if it weren't like that! And Also most of what i've seen has been pretty lighthearted/all in good fun. so i don't really get the point of acting like either side is 1. a monolith and 2. universally acting in bad faith

i do think it would be silly for antigone to lose in round three of a poll about who's the most tragic character but it's not that big a deal 😭 and also yeah like. who's paying for this. i'm a phd student and i have to pay rent i am not out here buying tumblr votes

#mod felix #tragedy poll

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undisputed-queer-a · 8 months

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Trans Rights are Human Rights, or why I struggle to boo CM Punk

Ok the title is sort of a lie. I certainly didn't struggle booing him on Sunday live in Wembley. But in all fairness he was facing Samoa Joe who is one of those wrestler that I just care about always have for damn longer time than I have liked Punk. I, like most of the British crowd, was chanting my lungs out for Joe and yes might've booed Punker but my attitude slightly changed during the post of of this amazing if slightly predictable match. After the match, as pictured, CM Punk posed with a fan holding a sign that said "Oi Rishi! TRANS RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS" this is the latest in a string of support Phil has made towards the trans community including but not limited to a cool charity t shirt that I own but do not have in my possession.

I was at All In with a friend and when that happened he turned to me and said "THAT'S US!" as we both screamed and cheered CM Punk. I supported CM Punk in this moment even though he has given me so many reasons to think he is a twat. I cheered him because if I'm honest being a trans wrestling fan is hard.

These events are pretty recent and are still upsetting to me so I will try to make this section brief. Unfortunately I couldn't find a date for this particular event since none of the articles mentioned one so, at Wrestlecon Giselle Shaw, a trans woman currently wrestling in IMPACT was accosted by wrestling legend Rick Steiner. Brother to Scott Steiner and father to Bron Breakker. Steiner hurled lots of insults towards Shaw including slurs. I’m not going to read it out but Shaw’s tweets I will link below so you can hear the story from her. This is possibly the most extreme example I have of LGBT+ issues still being prevalent in wrestling today and the worst thing Rick Steiner has done since the Chucky segment. It makes me sadder than I can express that Giselle shaw can’t go to a convention without people being shitty.

There was a second after me and my friend had that exchange at All In where I thought "Am I okay saying that? It's London it's not like I'm in London that often. Is it safe to say I'm trans?". Obviously I am okay, I got safe and was not shanked up at any point but I was scared. And I think this fear is heightened by the fact that I have seen a wrestler, a wrestler I look up to, experience harassment due to their gender identity.

I felt safe at All In, it was incredible and I loved being a wrestling fan surrounded by wrestling fans. But there have been times where I have felt uncomfortable or unsafe in this fandom. I think that there are worse ones and that I feel generally more accepted in the wrestling fandom that I perhaps might expect but I shouldn't have to feel like this, ever.

So that's why I struggle to boo CM Punk, and why that moment was one of my favourite of the night, because CM Punk made me feel like I could be a part of the wrestling fandom. That I wasn't out of place. That I was accepted and I will forever be grateful for that.

In conclusion, on Sunday CM Punk has helped me and I hope that you can do one thing for me, just one. Go watch a match with a trans or non binary person in it. Please, it shouldn't take long. It could be Gisele Shaw, it could be Nyla Rose, Kidd Bandit, VENY, Max The Impaler, Jessica Love, Sheik Khan Abdi, Abadon, you could watch an old Kagetsu match if you want. I would love to see trans or non binary wrestlers get recognition and appreciation. So go off, watch that match. and if you do retweet this and say what match you watched and what you thought of it.

This has been Undisputed Queer-a.

Slay The System, certainly Shock The Cis-tem, sorry I'm a day late, I will see you next Monday (probably, hopefully, should be)

#aew #all in #cm punk #samoa joe #gisele shaw #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #wrestling #professional wrestling #wrasslin #all in 2023 #aew all in #blog #undisputed queer a

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beevean · 7 months

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That anon hate is ironic as fuck considering the original post was in reference to me who proships to cope, especially cope with sexual trauma and abuse 😭

Like they really wanna put *wrote two minors exploring their sexual identity* in the same group as people who did horrible, disgusting things to real children? Infants even? Anti mentality is weird if you actually look at it for more than half a second… Why don’t we lock up horror movie actors in prison for murder? Because it’s fictional! And literally no one is stupid enough to think the actors are actually promoting murder! But if you make it sexual everyone freaks out… We’ve created a society where sex is more taboo than murder which is really fucking weird

Yeah, honestly I'm not in the mood to go through all the typical points, "blah blah blah if you write gross things you're an actual criminal and you should kys" "but what about the ones who cope?" (which usually gets the answer of "you are a bad victim and you're coping in the wrong way, go to a therapist to become normal", which is why I didn't bother. I know all of these arguments by heart now. It's boring.)

You know why CSEM (not "child porn", it's nowhere near in the same ballpark as actual porn with adults, no it's EXPLOITATION) is illegal? It's not because it's icky. It's because an actual child, made of flesh and blood, has been harmed to produce that content. There is a real, breathing victim involved. Even if that material is never put on the internet, is never shared, that child stays hurt and traumatized.

While if I, hypothetically, wrote a shitty disgusting rape story and kept it in my computer, guess what? Nothing happens! No one got hurt! That is the difference!

And yes, as I mentioned, it's always about Pedophilia & Incest. No other crimes exist. Where is the moral crusade against Cupcakes and the dude who wrote it? Why do we accept that reading about a character being horribly tortured won't convince you that actually kidnapping your friend and dismembering them is A-OK, but somehow so many people think that a few incest/underage fanfictions would immediately rewire our brains? That's not how psychology works.

And if you think that someone writing "bad" things automatically means they have loose morals, please go back to the times of the Hays Code. You are literally no different from the out-of-touch moms being terrified that GTA would turn their children into criminals.

(also personally I'm still laughing at the implication that I wrote "child porn", a perfectly normal assumption to make from my og post for sure. Aside from all the problems with that statement, it reminds me of when as a preteen I was accused to be a lesbian because I dared to say that gay people deserve the right to get married 😂 god forbid we stand on the side of people who are not like us, empathy is overrated these days)

#also i mean this in the best of ways #but 'proship' is not a verb!#it means literally 'to be in favor of ships'#someone *is* proship in the sense that they don't judge people based on their ships #then whether they indulge in 'problematic' ships themselves is another thing #i know what you mean ofc but the term already got bastardized a lot

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tumbleweedtech · 9 months

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Forgiveness

There's something that's been bothering me, for a long while. Well over a year. I'll put it under a cut because it's quite long.

It's in the way people apologize, and what they expect to come from it. If you harm someone, either deliberately or by accident, you owe them an apology. I'm aware that within courts of law this has consequences. I'm not talking about that level of harm or responsibility. The social contract is, when you harm someone you apologize, and attempt to right the wrong done. I was raised in a heavily catholic family, in a christian-centered community. I am not religious anymore, but I'm aware this informs my experiences, so please note I'm leaving the floor open to anyone else who has experienced a culture who treats apologies differently. In a very christian viewpoint - apologies aren't the important part. The forgiveness is. They insist it makes you christ-like, to forgive those who have harmed you. It's what Christ did on the cross, right? They know not what they do. Your god will forgive you if you apologize (confess) and attempt to right your wrongs (repent). This, I feel, has seriously tainted how people raised in a christian culture view apologizes to each other. I was abused as a child. I have been told, many, many times to forgive. Forgive my abuser. Because that forgiveness makes you christ-like, right? My forgiveness matters. Not that my abusers ever apologized or even recognized the wrongs they did. But that doesn't matter. They even try to twist it. "Doesn't living with that anger twist your heart? Forgiveness is freeing! You don't have to carry it around!" Actually, no. It protects me. I have not and will not forgive them, even if they were sorry. It reminds me that I must never, ever go back. That I must treat people better than I was treated. But where am I going with this? In a Christian-centric perspective, an apology is assumed an absolution. You have apologized, therefore the other person not only forgives you, but your faults, your sins, your crime? Are wiped clean. As if you confessed to your god, apologizing to your friend for hurting their feelings, the harm you have caused has been erased. Christ has risen again, your friendship has been repaired. In a christian perspective, there is no harm that is irreparable or irredeemable. Christians Parents have forgiven their children's murderers. This is a perspective entirely alien and unfathomable to me. But in the eyes of their god, in their religion, they have done what is right and holy. Their relationship with their god is safe

But relationships with other people does not work that way. Your relationships with other people are not your relationship with your god. When you harm someone, and you apologize, you do not automatically get forgiveness. It's not assumed. Especially if it's a shitty fucking apology. I've seen some incredibly shitty apologies. Refusal to take any sort of responsibility, blaming their mental health, their variety of diagnosis, even blaming the person they've harmed for reacting to shitty behaviour.

It's entirely possible to apologize for only your part in a situation in which you have both done wrong. "I'm sorry for accusing you of X. I should not have assumed Y of you, and when I said Z I was out of line." The other person may have responded with hurtful or harmful things. Hell, they may have even started it. But your feelings, your reactions, your words, are all your own responsibility. I have friends with plenty of diagnosis. Bipolar disorder. RSD. ADHD. Autism. Depression. Anxiety. None of this has stopped them from being kind, thoughtful, caring people. It hasn't stopped them from checking in, from apologizing when accidentally causing harm. I also know people who use their diagnosis as a weapon. They have X, Y, Z diagnosis, that's why they behave like an asshole. They make being a selfish, self serving, and thoughtless asshole a part of their personality and insist that because of that you should just understand and accept that. And if, in the rare instance that type of person attempts to apologize, it's never a good one. It's always "Well, you made me mad." or "You upset/triggered/annoyed me". Don't get me wrong - triggers are big and valid and a whole other discussion - but it's a word that's thrown around sometimes as a shield to explain why someone is not responsible for being nasty to someone. I'm off in the weeds. The point I'm coming around to is that these people surround themselves with reasons why you cannot criticize their behaviour (to a reasonable degree, ofc) and then they apologize.

Which in a christian-centric society, they not only feel like should solve any interpersonal issues that came of the disagreement/argument/harm, but should absolve them. I've said absolution quite a few times. But what does it mean? It means that they believe that it removes any consideration from this in the past, or in the future. As far as they're concerned, it no longer ever happened, because they have been forgiven and it will not be brought up again, nor will it impact the relationship they have with the person they are apologizing to. This is not how relationships with people work. If you harm them, an apology will be considered a step towards repair. Changing your behaviour to not harm again is a big step in repairing the relationship and trust. If the person forgives you, it does not mean your behaviour will be forgotten. It means you're being given a chance to prove that you will be better. It does not mean that your behaviour will be forgotten and everything will time jump back to before you made a bad choice. And it does not mean you get to harm them again. Because if you keep behaving that way? Keep harming people in the same way over and over again? You're not actually apologizing. And if you keep the same behaviour repeatedly, you do not deserve forgiveness (or absolution), because it's proven that you don't mean it. You will just keep on going, over and over. And when that's the case? Well. People need to stay angry at you, to remind themselves that you do not mean your apologies. You just want the chance to harm them again.

#Long post #I was thinking about forgiveness today #and what people expect from it #and why people get so angry when they've apologized and people are still hurt

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missinconsistent · 3 months

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Man, I have so many mixed feelings about the "statement" that was made by Elira, Vox, and Ike.

There's a lot of debate if the three were forced to speak on the situation, and I really don't know what's true. But they've burned their bridges with Selen, and it's just really shitty seeing friends have such an awful fallout, and it all being aired to the public of bad actors to jump in and send hate.

I feel disappointed because I do believe the livers should be allowed to speak their side, defend themselves from the harassment and accusations made towards them, and they're allowed to be upset. I think it's understandable they'd feel scared their personal information and jobs are at stake. But there is no proof that the legal documents would ever go public to dox them. They only incriminated themselves further by mentioning they thoroughly went over the legal document shared with them, which was meant to be private.

Vox particularly had a certain attitude that really rubbed me the wrong way. I could understand where Elira and Ike were coming from, regardless if you agree with them, but Vox just sounded so fed up and too combative.

He spends too much time defending management about The Last Cup of Coffee video but the issue of Selen's termination was NOT that she had failed getting all the permissions because, other than some bad actors, a lot of us already understood she broke that rule. But it was literally everything else about the termination and the culmination of events that people are mad about.

Even though Vox said they don't take Selen's "attempt" lightly, it isn't proven with how they spoke about her and the whole situation. It really did feel like they were more focused on trying to paint Selen as a bad person than showing any bit of understanding for her mental health. Imho, they are allowed to be mad at her AND also show her some sympathy. But Vox, only saying they aren't taking her attempt lightly, is basically all we get. Everyone had reached out to Selen after hearing of her attempt, and getting updates through her emergency contact isn't proof that they handled the situation with care. It almost comes off as they were worried about how it would reflect on the company more than Selen's wellbeing.

It is morally grey that Selen had recorded Vox without his permission to get some kind of dirt out of him (even if it is legal in Canada), but using a very specific instance of when Selen broke Vox's trust still doesn't amount to what she went through that drove her to commit an attempt. Vox going to that moment just felt petty because it made HIM hurt that something like that happened to HIM, and HE was willing to graduate with Selen even though HE would never feel that way if it wasn't for Selen pulling his strings..?

With Ike and Elira, they, too, are both guilty of painting a bad picture of Selen in an attempt to save face for the company and their own careers within Niji. I don't like how they did that, but I understand how Elira would be worried about herself and her two close friends in Niji being doxxed. And Ike, as someone who was considered a friend of Selen, would just feel generally hurt and confused about the situation going on. It's not a black and white situation. But I wish they would have been able to express their negative emotions without feeling the need to speak badly of Selen's character.

Even though this is clearly a tough time for them and everyone in EN, I think that video would've come out a little better if they weren't so focused on trying to paint Selen as the bad guy. As a Niji fan, I wish the company- and the livers- knew how to speak neutrally. They could've just been ambiguous and say they felt upset and betrayed, but they are going to keep working with the company bc that's the choice they stand by, without pointing fingers or especially talking about confidential legal documents.

As angry as everyone is, neither of the livers deserves to be harassed. There has been incredibly dehumanizing shit said and done, and if anyone is sending hate or doxxing them, then you are no better than Anycolor. Selen is not the only person to have mental health struggles, and, she's already asked people not to bully or harrass anyone because she knows how shitty it feels. We don't need to push another liver to their breaking point and act like that is any favor to Doki, to Nijisanji, or any community.

Me venting my frustration isn't meant to be harassment towards Elira, Ike, or Vox. I think they're also victims of their management's incompetence. As a fan, it's just disappointing they blamed Selen for all the problems. And even if they never meant to harrass her, shutting down her frustrations and pressuring her to do what's told of her or else she'd been hurting everyone else while no one looked out for her, is probably what led her to feel the way she did. It shows the company hasn't been doing any introspection and are continously having their livers stick their neck out to avoid doing so.

Nijisanji is lucky that a lot of people are giving the three the benefit of the doubt that they are sharing their true feelings and are only forced to have made the video by management. And it would be nice if, for once, management would take the bullet for their livers other than the other way around and just take some responsibility for their actions without throwing their talent under the bus or using them as a shield. Then, if Elira, Ike, and Vox do choose to leave the company, they'd still have a reputation after Niji after everything they've been put through.

#nijisanji

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