#like I understand it can feel like you are constantly being abandoned or rejected especially if you have rejection sensitivity | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

zoeykallus · 7 months

Text

The Bad Batch x Reader HCs - Abandonment Issues

As requested by @golden-nyx-ghost I hope I'm not too far off the mark 😅

Warnings: Mentioned Anxiety/Implied Traumatic Experience/Hurt/Comfort/Also; Crosshair (I mean strong language)

_________

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

_________

I had to do a little research on that topic and thought I'd share what I found.

Abandonment issues is an informal term that describes a strong fear of losing loved ones or of them leaving a relationship. This fear can result from trauma, anxiety, and other mental health conditions.

Most common “symptoms”

worry that friends or partners will leave them

constantly look for signs that others do not really like them

need frequent reassurance that others love them

always try to please others, even at their own expense

give too much in relationships, or have a lack of boundaries

stay in unhealthy relationships due to a fear of being alone

What it can do to a person:

Have anxiety: Both children and adults with fear of abandonment may feel chronically anxious, especially if they feel a relationship is about to end.

Experience relationship challenges: Anxiety about abandonment can alter a person’s perceptions of their relationship, causing them to see problems where none exist. They may be sensitive to any sign of rejection, or find it difficult to trust that their partner will not leave. This can result in clingy behavior, which may impact the relationship.

Communicate poorly: People with abandonment issues may develop harmful communication techniques to ease their anxiety. For example, they may engage in attention-seeking behavior to get the love they feel they might lose.

Engage in harmful behavior: People with a fear of abandonment can sometimes try to prevent their partner from leaving them through manipulative or even abusive behavior. For example, a person may try to prevent someone from socializing with others. This is a form of coercive control.

Source

_____________

AC: Of course, there are different forms of this problem, and it doesn't have to go to the extreme right away. At this point, we assume that no chronic, negative (harmful) behaviors have manifested yet.

_____________

Hunter

He is often quiet, introverted, but unlike you might think, he listens very carefully, is alert, attentive. He does not miss when your mood changes, and you are suddenly unsettled. Hunter reads your body language, notices every little thing. But he doesn't want to barge in, so he first tries to find out what makes you tick, to learn something about your past.

Gradually, he realizes what's bothering you, why you're sometimes so tense and overprotective when you communicate with him, why you sometimes barely let him out of your sight.

"You're afraid," he says unexpectedly.

You look at him, startled; you weren't really aware of it yourself. But now that he brings it up, you feel it abundantly clear.

"You won't lose me, you won't lose any of us. You won't get rid of us that easily."

You blink and say softly, "I've heard that before."

Hunter sighs softly, but smiles at you.

"You will see and learn with time that your past can't determine your future, it can only if you let it. You can count on us"

He grabs your shoulder and looks deep into your eyes.

"Do you trust me?"

You can't help but nod, Hunter's eyes, his expression, you feel so close to him.

"Good, have a little patience, that feeling of security you crave, it will come with time".

Echo

With him, you can talk openly about everything, he is a good listener, and he will always try to find a solution to the problems discussed between you. Echo can well understand what this fear of being abandoned or losing people is and how it feels. As a soldier, one inevitably deals with it a lot. Echo lost a great many of his brothers, not only to war, but also to Order 66.

"Some things we can't hold on to, no matter how hard we cling to them. That's a realization that's hard, but it comes eventually. You have to come to terms with it, make friends with it."

You wrap your arms around your body as if you need to hold on to yourself.

Echo sits down next to you and continues, "None of us want to leave you, but sometimes that's not in our power to decide. Voluntarily, we will never turn our backs on you. But you have to come to terms in a healthy way with the fact that some things are beyond our control."

You sigh softly and say, "I know, I just care that you don't seek distance from me because of me."

Echo laughs softly and says, "You're not getting rid of us that easily."

Wrecker

This cheerful guy is also a good listener and a good distraction. Wrecker can always carry you away and get you out of your darkest worries and thoughts. But he can also listen to you seriously and calmly when you need it.

He is attentive and much more empathetic than some might think.

Wrecker listens and nods in understanding.

"I know it's not the same, but I also sometimes fear losing my brothers. Well, as a soldier, you just worry about the things that might happen in the field. But you can't let that make you crazy."

You smile wryly at him.

"We certainly won't let you down on purpose," Wrecker says with conviction.

"Are you sure?"

"You're not losing us, we're here for you, every one of us," he says with a smile, thrusting a box of Mantel-mix into your hand.

You look up at him and say, "I've thought that about other people too."

Wrecker says perkily, "But we're not other people, we're Clone Force 99, and we deliver what we promise."

Tech

"Change is a fundamental part of life. People come and go, sometimes even those who are particularly close to us. That is quite normal. To be afraid of it is pointless."

You frown and say critically, "Aren't you afraid of suddenly being alone at some point?"

Tech goes into himself for a moment, thinks, then answers, "Not really. It's relatively unlikely that I'll suddenly find myself all alone at some point."

"Couldn't that theoretically happen to anyone?" you ask.

He frowns and says, "Well, theoretically it can, but there's also a probability factor."

You raise your eyebrows.

"Are you trying to tell yourself that right now because you're actually afraid of it too?"

Tech looks at you indignantly.

"I'm not afraid. There's no reason to be, and there's no reason for you to be. Why would we abandon you?"

You shrug, scenarios coming to mind.

"It's enough when priorities change, meeting new people in someone's life, that's often enough to split groups," you say seriously.

Tech hesitates.

"Well… yes, that may be true…"

"But?"

He sighs and says, "If you let that anxiety consume you, you can't enjoy the time you have with the people around you at all. This constant anxious tension is unhealthy"

"That may be," you admit quietly.

Tech hands you back your holopad he fixed for you.

"Here. Good as new," he says with a small smile.

"Thanks Tech, and thanks for listening".

"Anytime."

Crosshair

He has already recognized your behavior and that you cling does not agree with him at all. He can't handle it very well. Crosshair at least tries, in his own way.

"What do you want me to say? People leave us sometimes, and sometimes they leave us behind".

He himself has already had this painful experience, and actually he knows exactly how it feels.

"Hurts like a bitch, but it will pass. You can't let that define your life"

"That's easy for you to say," you sigh, dropping into your bunk.

Crosshair sighs deeply before sitting down on the bunk across from yours that actually belongs to Hunter and looks at you.

"No, I'm not just saying that. I've been through this experience too, I know it sucks, and I know you can get through it if you don't let it consume you."

You sit up and look at him questioningly.

"And how did you do that? How did you deal with it?"

Crosshair sighs again, shakes his head, and says grumpily, "You might not want to take an example from that"

"Why not?"

"My approach was unhealthy, too," he says reluctantly.

As you look at him questioningly, he continues, "Echo would probably say I'm stubborn as shit, but that wasn't it, not quite."

"Then what was it?" you ask cautiously, sensing that you're on sensitive ground here.

Crosshair looks around as if to make sure the two of you are alone. Finally, he looks at you again.

"I didn't cling to other people, but to being a soldier, to my supposed duty. The reason why my brothers and I actually parted ways to begin with. I plunged deeper into it, so deep that soon I was no longer myself. The whole process was painful, for me and others, you should not take an example from that".

You don't say the question that is on the tip of your tongue, but he answers it anyway, as if he felt it.

"Enjoy what you have, hold on to the positive things, not the negative. Deal with it, but deal with it sensibly. You can't force anything, neither that people stay with you nor that old wounds heal. Everything needs time and some work. But you can be sure, we would never abandon you willingly, none of us".

@rintheemolion

@andyoufollowyourheart @clone-whore-99

@brynhildrmimi @kaliel2310

@misogirl828 @tech-deck

@meshla-madalene

@chxpsi

@thebahdbitch

@nahoney22 @ladykatakuri

@darkangel4121

@ttzamara

@arctrooper69

@padawancat97

@agenteliix

@allsystemsblue

@palliateclaw

@either-madness-or-brilliance

@ortizshinkaroff

@andy-solo1

@hunterssecretrecipe

@heyitsaloy

@greaser-wolf

@extrahotpixels

@hated-by-me

@hunterxcrosshair

@malicemercy

@bebopsworld

@echos-girlfriend

@cpnt616

@dangraccoon

@jediknightjana

@pb-jellybeans

@antishadow2021

@sleepycreativewriter

@projectdreamwalker

@1vlouds

@starwarsnerd111

263 notes · View notes

fernlessbastard · 8 days

Note

im the psychotic wilbur anon (forgot to note im paranoid schitzo and i see myself so much in him ANYWAYS) BUT CWILBUR BPD FOR THE WORLD. (< ALSO BPD.) hottest take is that him and quackity are bpd4bpd and a huge part of their relationship is a learning curve figuring out how to navigate communication with each other and each others splits and such. i also think that wilbur tends to black split on HIMSELF more often, and quackity tends to black split on OTHERS more often. i also think that wilbur white splitting on quackity would be a whole nother thing they have to deal with, with wilbur suddenly being like "you are literally god to me and the only person who loves and cares about and understands me you are the greatest human being alive please let me worship you i love you so much" and quackity just being like "woag dude" LIKE. also im so so so for real wilbur has so much paranoid schitzo swag i dont know how to explain that this man is fucking TEXTBOOK paranoia and he has so many paranoid anxiety habits that make me feel insane. i think he always makes sure to lock the door and check the lock like six times when he comes home and he cant sleep at night if hes alone in the house so he barely slept in paradise and didnt sleep right until he moved in with quackity, i think he has really severe paranoia about imposters and intruders and also barely slept and was constantly on high alert in pogtopia and he could only really sleep when quackity visited or if tommy or technoblade shared a mat with him, i think he also has delusions of grandeur that he has to deal with a lot and reality checking him can be really dangerous especially coupled with his bpd because he then SNAPS to black splitting on himself so hard he makes himself sick, ohhhh cwilbur my sickly man i adore you so sorry for being insane in your inbox

The first ask in question

(Ok so as a disclaimer obviously headcanons are personal and there's no wrong ones and you're valid for reading it this way)

With Wilbur I very much agree, but I don't see bpd in Quackity tbh. It more so looks like ADHD alongside shit like abandonment issues, being invalidated his entire life, being generally overworked and having no healthy outlet for his feelings, having trouble identifying said feelings in the first place, etc - all of which are very common in/characteristic of ADHD. I don't remember him ever splitting. His shitty love life makes sense with ADHD too - deficiency of dopamine makes it very easy to mistake the dopamine boost from "new person to talk to" for a crush (believe me). Hypersexuality is also common in ADHD, as well as emotional dysregulation, alexithymia (difficulty/inability to identify one's own emotions), overstimulation, shutdowns, etc, which can occasionally resemble splitting, but is very different, and works through exhaustion and frustration rather than delusions. Various types of paranoia as well as heightened irritability are also very common, especially when your senses are clouded by sensory/information/emotional overstimulation. And especially the splitting outwards part just doesn't sit right with me - maybe i missed a stream or sth but I haven't seen anything like that in him. Furthermore I'd actually say he generally points negative feelings/breakdowns etc inwards for the most part - and when ADHD is being pointed inwards it usually leads exactly to developing/heightening shit like paranoia, rejection sensitivity, hypersexuality, emotional dysregulation, alexithymia, etc. He can snap and isolate himself, but it's very different to splitting. ALSO - very important part - Quackity doesn't exhibit mania episodes. He occasionally exhibits the type of hyperactivity and excitement representative of ADHD, but it's never this state of delirium with feelings of grandeur, delusions, etc. Wilbur does exhibit mania episodes - pretty heavily at that - and the contrast makes it pretty apparent that Quackity's case is different.

THAT BEING SAID I don't have bpd, so for a perspective from someone who does, here's a rant from @octobre-ackedia: <<On so many levels, Quackity doesn't show bpd symptoms. Not all abandonment issues are borderline personality disorder. I don't think I need to say it, but bpd takes over the entire life of a person, it's not just trauma. And I don't really have much to elaborate on with the ask, mostly showing Wilbur's bpd traits but that's for an entirely different rant, and I need to chill out. Quackity doesn't black split on others. It was not shown a single time. He slowly loses trust in people, he builds walls, but that's not splitting. He doesn't start to irrationally hate everyone around himself, think that people are just cruel and bad, and more importantly don't care about him, suddenly becoming aggressive towards them. He backs off a little bit more with each disappointment in people around him, ending up not so much hating, as avoiding human relationships. And he doesn't have a favourite person, not even Slime who was just so perfectly there to be an example of that. Quackity learnt how to trust the guy, building a friendship, but never became truly "obsessed" with him. He grieved his death, tried to save him, but FFS, that's not a favourite person, that's how human relationships work (or more so, hybrid relationships haha). He doesn't get manic. You could say he becomes strongly confident, hypersexual or overworking himself, but the important part in it is the reasoning. He doesn't start believing he is some sort of a saviour for the world and can build a perfect country, or that he doesn't need anyone for that. He starts a project and might go overboard with it, but it's never this... aggressive as with bpd. With the 9 most visible symptoms, he has maybe 3 of them, which are all clear reactions to specific situations. Unstable relationships? Schlatt became an abuser, Karl and Sapnap abandoned him, he never really influenced any of that happening. The abandonment issues and feeling of emptiness are simple reactions to that trauma. His moves are calculated, he doesn't really show any mood swings, he has a quite clear image of himself, he doesn't experience any suicide ideation or shows extreme examples of self harm/putting himself in danger. And what about the part of splitting when he pushes people away after getting scared of becoming too close? He always stays, in the end. Even when he tried so hard not to get attached to Slime. Where's the white splitting? Where's anything, really. I still stand with the headcanon of them having to navigate a hard relationship, with both of them experiencing severe mental issues, but it's not bpd4bpd. Q is my depressed ADHD bitch, who struggles with trauma.>>

Also I'd say Wilbur's heavily autism coded too - as a bonus it does frequently "strengthen" bpd cause of the type of trauma autistic people experience. Q I see as very much ADHD but I also low-key hc him as somewhere on the spectrum too, though I'm not as heavily set on that

Tldr while Wilbur absolutely clearly has some severe mental issues, Quackity's seem (to me at least) to be more easily and consistently explainable by a combination of ADHD (maybe low support needs autism) and some (pretty damn severe (canonically - looking mainly at all the abandonment + sa hints)) trauma

38 notes · View notes

morsesnotes · 9 months

Text

A little ramble about Joan and Morse...

[There will be spoilers if you haven't finished Endeavor]

A common take I've seen in this fandom is that Joan was waiting around for him. That Morse had all these chances he didn't take to express his feelings. So her shutting him down in S5/S6 was totally his own fault. I disagree with this and don't really understand it.

Here's why:

They only start getting to know each other properly in S2, and Morse has a girlfriend at that point.

Morse becomes aware of his feelings for Joan at the end of Coda, and he went to the Thursdays' house immediately after. It seemed like he intended to talk about it with Joan, but she was clearly traumatized, and not in a place to deal with romantic declarations. She'd already decided she was leaving. What if he said how much he cared and then she was gone? When you think about the abandonment issues this guy has, and the fact she is literally leaving him in that moment, can you blame him for being afraid?

Nevertheless, he's openly welling up in front of her (a very odd thing for a man in the mid-60s to do) and telling her if she needs anything to let him know. There's no way a woman wouldn't pick up on this. Not to mention constantly putting her life before his at the bank.

When Joan contacts him in the vaguest form possible, it's enough for him to do exactly what he said he would. He goes out of his way to find her and indicates there's something between them that can happen. He tells her he cares what happens to her and whether or not she's in his life. Joan makes him leave.

Morse proposes to her. She says no and specifically cites her dad as a reason it would be a bad idea. When the phone rings, Morse is willing to let it go. She's the one who picks it up, brings it to him, and leaves before he can do anything about it.

Even though he doesn't stay at the hospital, the Doctor presumably would've told her he stopped by.

When she moves back to Oxford, he gives her some space, which is entirely correct given what she's been through. He takes up her invitation to her party and makes sure he is there. He's clearly eager at the chance to spend time with her. But then she tells him she wants to set him up with someone else.

Eventually Morse can't take any more rejection, especially with Claudine having left him. He's gotten the message Joan was sending him and lets it go. This is when Joan decides to ask for a coffee. It's the first time she actually initiates something and given the context I think it's perfectly understandable for Morse to turn the offer down? It's fair enough if he doesn't want to get hurt again, isn't it? Idk, Joan's timing here rubbed me the wrong way. It was the mature thing for him to do and showed he saw her as more than a rebound.

Finally, a few weeks later Morse realizes in Icarus that life is too short and takes her up on it, but now she says she's sick of waiting around.

The fan reaction I saw with that moment was, "Yeah you tell him Joan! Fuck him!" And it made me go "???". It's true it wasn't the best timing on his part, but it's not as if he had a habit of turning up when it suited him. She was the one stringing him along, wanting his attention one minute and then rejecting it the next. She could've said she was busy and they could do it some other time in the week. Her reaction was way too harsh.

Don't get me wrong, I love Joan and am by no means the type to view Morse as a poor little Meow Meow who can do no wrong. However, I feel like it's super unfair to put it all on him when Joan was going through her own problems and has her own difficulties expressing herself. He gave her countless opportunities to open up, and she pushed him away. At a certain point, it'd be weird if he ignored her wishes and kept attempting to pursue her. It wouldn't be a good look if he tried stopping her from marrying his friend either. As far as he knows, she's moved on.

Morse may have had trouble saying it out loud, but his actions spoke volumes. Surely that counts for something? He also wrote her that incredibly romantic letter in Zenana and straight up said "Please believe me to have been yours, always". Keep in mind again this is a British man in the 60s-70s and the men around Joan so far have been deeply repressed. Seems pretty forward to me! I simply don't believe this wouldn't spark curiosity in Joan to figure out what he meant. That she'd just wait around until Morse came to visit her to ask about it, and that seeing him in the state he's in, she'd leave it there. This woman who wants passion, who's independent, who cares about the people in her life, who knows how it feels to be saving face while suffering inside, and her literal job involves helping children come to terms with their trauma. Her total passive behavior towards Morse doesn't make sense! Like it doesn't even have to be romantic! They can interact as friends!

He carries a ton of trauma and emotional baggage which makes him terrified of losing what he has with her. Not to mention his respect for Thursday. I don't see why we can't have empathy for both of them.

And yeah, he was being a dick in S6 but again, he's allowed to be angry and in fact it's healthy for him to actually let it out rather than having this idealized view of Joan forever or holding it in like he usually does.

Btw, with his previous behavior taken into account, him not showing up in Uniform was highly unusual and should've been a "What's happened to him?" moment for Joan. Not, "Classic Morse. Works comes first."

Anyway, sorry for the essay and thank you if you read all of it. I just wanted to get all my thoughts together in one place.

#endeavour #endeavour morse #joan thursday #morse x joan #itv endeavour #thinking thoughts

36 notes · View notes

path-to-nowhere-headcanon · 1 year

Note

Hi! Can I request for a platonic hc gn!reader with Zoya, Nox, and Countess Chelsea (separate)? Like given that they are sinners and us as the chief, how would they spend their time with us just doing normal stuff.

Thank you😘❤️

No thank you for being my first ask sorry if things look a little wonky gotta work with mobile limitations for a bit!🥹

Zoya

Zoya would take a moment to check in on her gang and how things are going down in syndicate if given the chance.Depending on how much they trust her/ how much freedom they want to give her I can see there being just a moment of clam where it’s just a big group chill out session with Zoya, Horo, and Earl.

Though if we were talking about her joining on the day-to-day I feel like zoya would have a lot to say about the chief's methods around the prison and how things could be improved.She can come across a little nitpicky at times partly because she does like to get under the Chiefs skin but also because she actually does care about the treatment of the other sinners here.

Now the real juicy stuff is if we’re talking about just normal everyday things like running errands, going shopping, that sort of thing.From what I’ve seen I feel like Zoya would fit right in with the chief going from place to place when it comes to shopping I feel like a lot of her input would be more practical you see it a lot in her food choices. I feel like she would pick out things that wouldn’t spoil very quickly, things that could last a long time regardless of how much money she actually has.She does feel pretty prickly walking around especially In possibly higher class areas since I feel like there’s still a lot of resentment towards the people who kind of abandoned syndicate.

Nox

Now on the day-to-day aspect I feel like it wouldn’t be too bad walking around in the prison with her. There are definitely people who are afraid of her and do kind of cower away as she walks by but it’s nothing new people have seen sinners and some of them are sinners themselves. Though due to Nox's reputation people are more on edge than usual.She's very supportive surprisingly though she mostly keeps to herself dropping only a soft good job or thank you for your hard work.

If you ask her to go somewhere with you, she’ll follow, no questions asked, but she does sort of stick out like a sore thumb when trying to do normal activities and she seems to be a bit out of her element. Not fully grasping human concepts in her mind she half understands them as someone who is using faded memories of another person. She also doesn’t seem to like loud crowds very much.

As for Nox’s own request she wouldn’t have many, if any actually. She’ll reject the offer kindly at first believing this is where she belongs,but the more time she has to dwell on it the more time she has to think and probe through faded old memories she’ll one day ask if the two of them might visit an old church she remembers.That day would be quite peaceful as the two them stare at faded stain glass widows, and broken walls overtaken by Ivy.

Chelsea

If you take her out on the town be prepared she’ll be dragging you from shop to shop with no time to rest. Any plans the chief had are thrown out the window. Any shops they wanted to visit forget about it. She's trying to spoil chief, with lavish outfits, some are a little bit exposed to put it mildly from every shop in town. Even though they politely refused and almost had a heart attack when they caught sight of the price tag Chelsea is really trying to play her hand of getting them to be sugar baby seriously. They can’t help but feel like they're somehow in a game of chess where accepting even one of Chelsea’s gifts means losing.I don’t know why but I get the feeling the pair would also stop by into a lot of hole in the wall restaurants and cafés .

Now the day-to-day rounds around the prison I feel like Chelsea is more of a hindrance than a help. She constantly tries to distract the chief, finding the day to day grind just a bit too stale for her tastes. There's so much more fun to be had elsewhere but alas, she can’t pull them away from work. So she settles in and just watches as they do their job.

#path to nowhere headcanon #Zoya #Nox #Countess Chelsea

57 notes · View notes

canonicallyobserving911 · 2 years

Text

Buck & Eddie: Eddie takes care of Buck

Even though Buck has previously been in romantic relationships, Eddie his proven to be the only person who knows how to take care of him emotionally, mentally and physically. He's comforted Buck many times over the past few years and the truth is he's probably the only one who can. The nature of Eddie and Buck's relationship is built on trust which allows them to share a deep level of intimacy that couldn't be experienced with either of their romantic love interests.

Examples of those who didn't support Buck

1. Abby abandoned him after he choked on a piece of bread while he was on a date with her and he ended up being hospitalized in 1x6 "Heartbreaker". She looked disgusted at the thought of having to take care of him while she sat in his hospital room. When Bobby arrived he saw the look on her face and said, "I can stay with him if you want to leave" (foreshadowing for when she actually did leave him in 1x10 "A Whole New You").

2. Ali abandoned Buck too, right after his leg got crushed by a ladder truck in 2x18 "This Life We Choose". She said it was due to his job but he told her that's what he was doing when they met.

3. Taylor's number one priority was and always will be her job. Since they really didn't know each other, the three times he needed comfort, she wasn't able to provide it. In 5x4 "Home and Away" after Chimney punched Buck, he called Eddie for emotional and physical support. The advice or emotional support she tried to provide to Buck in 5x5 "Peer Pressure" only confused him because he couldn't relate to it. Finally in 5x6 "Brawl in Cell Block 9-1-1" when Buck returned to his loft after being injured, he rejected her advances to physically comfort him.

Buck had an unusually difficult childhood due to his trifling parents and the reason they decided to conceive him. He has always exhibited a need for validation and to have people like and accept him. He wears his heart on his sleeve and he genuinely wants to help others. While he usually appears to be a strong firefighter, he's constantly filled with self-doubt and self-worth issues. He willingly sacrifices his own safety for victims when they are in danger. That's why he should be in a relationship with someone (Eddie) who not only knows him, they also need to be able to support and understand him.

Examples of Eddie supporting Buck

2x1 "Under Pressure" Eddie complimented Buck regarding his ability to help him remove a live grenade from a victim's leg while in the back of an ambulance.

3x1 "Kids Today" Eddie offered Buck mental support by checking on him after he quit his job due to an embolism. He brought Christopher to Buck's loft so that Buck could spend the day with him. He wanted Buck to stop feeling sorry for himself and to stop being depressed.

3x3 "The Searchers" After the Tsunami, Buck was mentally struggling after he and Christopher got separated. Eddie brought Christopher back to Buck so that he could care for him as a way to prove that he still trusted him. Buck thought he failed them but Eddie reassured him by saying, "There's no one in this world I trust with my son more than you".

3x18 "What's Next?" Eddie asked Buck "Are you ok?" after Buck saw Abby leaving with her new fiancée. He offered Buck the emotional support he needed.

4x4 "9-1-1 What's Your Grievance" Eddie emotionally supported Buck while his trifling parents were in L.A. He told Buck it was ok to feel upset especially if his parents caused him to feel that way. He said "Did you say anything that wasn't true?" Buck said "No!". Then Eddie said "Then what do you have to apologize for?".

4x13 "Suspicion" Even though Eddie was physically hurt after he got shot, his main concern was if Buck was hurt. He asked him, "Are you hurt?" while Buck was trying to stop Eddie's shoulder from bleeding.

4x14 "Survivors" After Buck visited Eddie in the hospital and said, "I think it would have been better for him if I was the one who got shot", Eddie immediately devised a plan to stop him from spiraling. When Buck came to pick him up when he was going to be discharged, he told Buck about the will. He said "No one will ever fight for my son as hard as you and that's what I want for him".

5x4 "Home and Away" Buck called Eddie after Chimney punched him; therefore Eddie was able to provide him with emotional, mental and physical support. He allowed Buck to share his side of the incident and offered him sound advice on how to handle it. He said, "You're the guy who likes to fix things. But sometimes things don't need to be fixed".

5x18 "Starting Over" Eddie emotionally and mentally supported Buck by offering sound advice regarding Buck's need to end his toxic relationship with Taylor. He also provided a therapeutic perspective on Bobby's rising guilt over the Jonah situation.

Whenever Buck needed to be comforted by any of his previous love interests, they abandoned him and didn't know him well enough to provide any of the types of support that Eddie effortlessly provides to Buck. Eddie truly knows Buck which means he can offer support from every aspect to help Buck feel valuable and worthy. He also listens to Buck and remains interested whenever he rambles about random facts which helps him to feel seen and heard. Eddie's ability to comfort Buck is one of the many reasons why they are perfect together as work and life partners.

123 notes · View notes

eriexplosion · 1 year

Note

I have no real crosshair meta, this is just a pet hc but I feel like the member crosshair was closest to in the batch was wrecker, just from tcw eps. Wrecker is first to defend him, reflex dives to save from from falling off that pipe even with his fear of heights, bullies him with lula (lol) and they seem to constantly friendly compete. He's also visibly angry and hurt back in the kamino fall that he 'didn't even try to come back'. Do u have any thoughts on crosshairs dynamic w tbb before 66?

Oh yes, your pet hc absolutely matches mine on Wrecker & Crosshair being close, and they really do seem to have something special - cutting for length because I have a lot of headcanons about Wrecker & Crosshair specifically before also getting into the rest of the batch.

I feel like Wrecker is the bond that comes easiest to Crosshair in many ways, like he's close with all of the batch but Wrecker seems to be the one he's most open around and the one he gravitates to the most. Probably because Crosshair fears rejection and abandonment, especially from those he loves, and Wrecker has never been casually judgey in his life. He loves the whole batch, they've been together for ages! But Wrecker is the only one that he doesn't occasionally have freakouts about whether he might Leave him somehow.

Which is another reason for Wrecker to back him up through literally anything, even when Crosshair is blatantly in the wrong. No he's not leaving, he's right in here with Crosshair on the stupidest bullshit imaginable. Let's be real, Crosshair has been S P O I L E D by Wrecker letting him get away with shit lol. Hunter defends him on the ship but Wrecker full on refuses to let Crosshair experience a single consequence. Spoiled little bitch. (I love him <3)

Also, I think that their bond is interesting because when you think about it, of the original batch, they're the ones that would have been most trained to act as Weapons. Crosshair is precision targeting, Wrecker is brute force. Hunter is trained as a tracker and a leader, Tech is the engineer and technician. But Crosshair and Wrecker were trained primarily as weapons. Solo trainings would have focused on that for both of them, and it's just another reason to gravitate towards each other. I think they've been together the longest, to the point that they don't really remember exactly when they became a Couple just that it's kind of always been like that.

Which of course means that when Crosshair shoots him, Wrecker is going to have no idea how to handle that. He plays it off but you know it haunts him, that the same man that he's protected through so much fucking shot him.

But where Wrecker is the one that Crosshair is the most emotionally open with, I think Tech is the one that understands him most on an intellectual level. Tech is the one that knows how he thinks and how he processes, even if he doesn't agree with it he follows Crosshair's logic most clearly. So if Crosshair has an actual problem he needs to talk out, I think he was most likely to go to Tech to talk it through. (I also headcanon them both as transmasc, so that's just another way in which they get each other)

I think the latest episode was fascinating with the potential depth it gave Tech and Crosshair's relationship just from one namedrop, because it says that the way Tech can most express his care for Crosshair is to respect his decisions. So before everything went down, it probably manifested in that if Crosshair came to him to discuss something, he'd respect whatever conclusion Crosshair came and decision he made, even if it's one that he thinks is a bad idea.

They understand each other on a pretty basic thought process level but their different emotional expressions can clash weirdly, and they probably took a while to get together because Crosshair would have been PETRIFIED by the thought of Tech not returning the feelings or, god forbid, letting him down easy. He would rather get yelled at than get what he would probably interpret as Pity. It probably took a lot of urging from Wrecker to get anywhere.

Hunter and Crosshair's dynamic interests me because obviously we see them fight a lot in TBB but that is entirely absent in TCW. Like, Crosshair doesn't argue a single order, he follows Hunter without question. I'm reminded of Tech saying 'Maps can be wrong, Hunter never is' which yeah is about his electromagnetic senses but given how they fall in behind Hunter despite clearly having no real respect for authority? They trust him, completely, Crosshair included. When he stepped in to talk shit to Rex, he did it right after Rex pushed back on Hunter's opinion. Kind of like how he tried to throw down for Cody, I think he was doing the same thing for Hunter.

Which is why his rage in TBB is so focused on Hunter. Because with that kind of trust, the first mistake Hunter made is going to hit them both like a fucking freight truck. And of course he makes mistakes in TBB. Hunter has no reference point for what's happening, this isn't what he was trained for, he is completely out of his element. Hunter can't be Perfect in this scenario and combined with the strain he's under with the chip and its aftereffects, Crosshair really just lets his hurt get carried away into this huge wave of upset. And since he's never encountered this from Crosshair before, Hunter has no idea how to deal with it. The whole thing just spirals.

Before that though, I think that Crosshair was fairly yielding to Hunter unless he was intentionally playing with him. Crosshair has huge Brat Sub energy, so he did sometimes act up for fun but Hunter was In Charge and that was probably the only authority Crosshair respected.

And, lastly, Echo is interesting too because even though Crosshair has his whole 'I would have left him behind too' thing but when it comes to actually interacting with Echo? He never actually has a harsh word for them lol. He doesn't join in on the distrust in the fourth episode, he puts his hand on their shoulder in the firefight, and he's perfectly happy to have Echo join after everything. Which is a big deal from Mr. "We don't usually work with Regs" and not really the reaction I expected to see when going back to watch the TCW episodes after going through all of TBB. It's like seeing Echo and seeing how much they won't fit in with the other regs just made him do a completely 180 on his opinion. They're adopted now, no questions.

Which I guess makes sense, Crosshair is guided a lot by his emotions even if he doesn't want to admit that he is. He wants to come off like he's just making reasonable decisions but. He is a feelsy little bitch. He absolutely saw his batch in Echo and that's why he's so quick to accept them in.

Anyway that's my general rundown of how I think he interacted with everyone pre-Order 66. Crosshair was always a little harsh but only to those outside of his in-group, because he would rather put up the knives than risk getting hurt. The batch probably got his more pliant side, especially Wrecker, but that just means that when Crosshair was turned against them they had no idea how to react and Crosshair has no idea how to handle their perceived rejection.

Unfortunately I think this means it's also going to be very hard for the batch to mend, at least the three other OG members. Now that Crosshair is perceiving them as having rejected him, after they were the ones he was closest with for so long, he is going to keep putting up walls to avoid being hurt again. It's probably going to need to be Echo (someone he likes and trusts but hasn't known as long) or Omega that has to reach out to him and bring him back into the fold.

#Eri Answers #cloneshipping #the bad batch #Thank you for the chance to rant I have a lot of Thoughts #I don't think this is the most coherent I've ever been but

11 notes · View notes

timeskip · 1 year

Text

Tempest clings to things like water clings to glass--they let go slowly, never wanting to drop.

Tempest starts out loving Ry.

The two of them are twins, though Ry says poetic things like halves of one whole. Mother Nature whispers truths in their ears, tells Tempest the facts--that they are the successor to the God of Storms, that Tempest has this weight on their shoulders. They give themself a name after Storm.

They don't know Storm. The dead god is an unknown variable, but Mother Nature tells them that they could remember Storm's memories.

Ry crackles and shudders under those memories. Their name is not like Tempest's--the two of them are the same, but they're also entirely different. They don't have similar names but they share similar titles as Gods of Thunder and Lightning. Ry sparks at the very mention of Storm, and the name of their predecessor rests uneasily on Ry's tongue.

And Tempest still loves them despite it.

They love Ry, their twin who keeps changing , scattering light as though possessed. If Tempest asks, Ry will just say that they remembered things about Storm. Tempest is more than a little jealous of that, since their memories from Storm feel coated in a thick fog.

So Tempest clings to two things at once--to Ry, and to Storm.

Storm is, as with all things Tempest doesn't understand, a fascinating being. Even as the other gods whisper things about their monstrosity, their arrogance and inability to change. But Tempest and Ry are young gods, constantly changing, and the older gods look upon them with kindness, if not pity. Pity for having to carry the burden of Storm's legacy, something Tempest takes in their hands and holds onto. Even if it hurts, it's the only thing they were born with that they can believe in.

Especially if it hurts.

Their heart is pulled from their chest when Ry leaves. They look at Tempest with lightning strike eyes just like Storm's in the mirror, clouded though that memory is--and Ry says they're done following Storm's footsteps.

Tempest clings to things like this: they grab Ry's arm, two halves of one whole, and try to fuse themself into Ry once more. "Why? Why?"

"...There's no reason." Ry keeps their eyes on Tempest. "Storm was a monster. You've heard Araceli talk about them, so why do you still look up to them?" They're like an echo of everything they've been taught--that evil exists, that it dwells within their souls, that Storm is rising in them and contorting them, changing Ry into someone who will leave.

But Tempest will stay. Tempest will cling to them even if it kills them, because they love their family--a dead god who haunts them despite no longer existing, and a twin who wishes to forget it all.

"I look up to them because I have to," they say, sick to their stomach. "They're all we have--we were born with their memories, and they were trying to make things better. I can't just abandon someone like that."

"They were a bad person."

So why does Ry look just like Storm does? They're under the sky that has held them for as long as they've been gods, the Realm that cradles them since before they knew how to exist. They are gods, through and through--followers of the past, retreading those steps over and over. Even if Mother Nature destroys them, Tempest will continue to follow the God of Storms.

And even if they don't know it, so will Ry.

So Tempest tries to cling harder. They want to keep their family close until the day it ends under the clouds. A shock-wave deep within them, a storm unable to end.

Ry walks away, throwing Tempest off of them.

That is their beginning; twins torn apart, and a raging storm in Tempest's chest that crushes everything. They don't want to drop this, they want to follow Ry to the ends of the earth--and yet, doing so would be rejecting Storm, and all the memories of them that Tempest still hasn't uncovered.

Tempest will remake themself whole. Tempest will fight for themself. But still, they watch Ry leave the Realm of the Gods--and wonders if Ry is more of the God of Storms than Tempest will ever be.

#oc tag #tempest #ry #storm #(kind of lol)#my writing

3 notes · View notes

cultleads · 2 years

Text

casually monologuing my experience as a LGBT / mixed race person growing up in a heavily religious household as a child, sticking it under a cut & tagging cause y’know justin case, perfectly understandable trigger in all honesty. I guess I just wanna know if there’s people out there who relate, or maybe I can make somebody with similar experiences feel not - so -alone

It’s really such a bizarre thing when I think about it. Replying to mine & my fiancé's rp thread just now it got me thinking about my own experiences. Like most Amuricans I was raised in a Christian household so like... full church experience, endless nonsense shoved down my throat from the moment I was born. It was always wild to me how church (and as I entered my teens, youth groups and church camps etc) were the places I met some of the most vicious, judgemental, awful people I’ve ever known. I was told some pretty awful shit as a child and it’s a place where I experienced a lot of rejection & exclusion.

I had the standard queer kid upbringing where I knew my parents knew I was different, but they didn’t know in which ways, so instead I was constantly silenced, “corrected”, and told to be and do this n that. You know... YOU CAN’T DO X CAUSE YOU’RE X, YOU SHOULDN’T BE LIKE X BECAUSE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE X, YOU CAN’T BEHAVE THAT WAY AROUND X GENDER BECAUSE YOU SHOULD SHOW INTEREST IN X GENDER (even as children so like...funny how they accuse Lefties of being gr**mers when they literally say that shit and encourage heterosexual interactions between kids because believe me THAT DID GO ON), blahblahblah.

It was absolutely WILD to me that later in life, I found out the church allowed in a previously convicted p*doph*le and let him teach the SUNDAY SCHOOL WHICH I WAS IN, and he was forgiven because he “found god”, yet my brother and I were treated like crap because we are (mostly) latinos and were the only people in the church who weren’t 100% white and we were both born with last names that align with our Mexican-Navajo heritage. Like...we were kids, dude??

Also absolutely wild to me that my mother’s best friend in America (my mother is Scandi-British) could forgive her husband who served 25 years for murdering a 16 year old (the perp was an adult btw!) but absolutely could not look me in the eye, ‘forgive’ me, or accept me any longer after my mom told her I am LGBT.

I don’t get all these people who told me and millions of others like me that we were wrong somehow, for wanting to be our authentic selves and live in peace. For just being who we are, loving who we love... And punishing us for it. Because even as a child, none of that felt wrong to me. What felt wrong was the hypocrisy and the madness I could see in the church even from a young age. They could forgive the p*doph*le and the murderer but they hated me & everyone like me for being LGBT, and then later belonging to a single mother who had no money and they let us be homeless.

Thankfully after moving to the UK to get help from my British grandmother (and flee my ‘father’) when I was 11 my mom’s religious discipline started to go down the drain especially after she was treated with disdain for divorcing my “father” who is...downright evil. I’ll leave it at that lmfao! I think when her “friends” abandoned her over it, scolding her for “going against god” rather than putting up with his evil for any longer, she started to see religious cultism for what it is. Not to mention that my bio “father” after committing a HUGE crime (I can’t say what it is, sry for no deets) apologized TO A REVEREND ABOUT IT, not to my mom, the reverend said “you’re forgiven, your only crime is marrying a woman who left you for your sins” LMAOOO There’s so much nuance and torment growing up in a heavily chri*sti*n household. Especially if you are / later realize you belong to a marginalized group they don’t like. Like I haven’t even touched the tip of the iceberg with any of this, but y’all get it. There’s a reason both my brothers and myself grew up to be heavily, heavily resentful of Chr*sti*nity. But truthfully? Peoples’ faith is not my business. As long as people aren’t using it for oppression or bigotry, I truly do not care or hold against them what they believe. I just have A LOT of trauma and fear surrounding it and I feel myself become ferally aggressive when nearing a church. But the most insane part of it all is that to this day, when backed into a corner and when in a dire situation or one of desperation, I still find myself praying for help & mercy. THAT is how ingrained this shit goes lol.

I will forever lack understanding as to why something so vague and non-scientific can rule the lives of so many, and why it’s used as such a driving force for evil. Religion is inherently not good. It is separate from faith, that I do believe. Quite literally it is cultism and that’s it. I think my stance & views born from my experiences are easily summed up by this lyric (sorry to quote this guy but it’s an accurate line) : I never really hated the one true God but the God of the people I hated

#✧ ⭒　𝚒𝚛𝚕　𝚌𝚞𝚕𝚝　𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛　╱　ooc #religion cw #I just thought it was relevant to current events #and y'know it's the inspiration behind this character too #but I wanted to remind people of similar upbringings that there's so many of us out here

1 note · View note

sionnaigh · 11 months

Text

“While a best friend can be an FP, it’s usually so much more than that… a favorite person is someone you have an emotional dependence on, who can ‘make or break’ your day.” [20] “You place the responsibility of your happiness onto them. They can make you feel on top of the world, or in the deepest pit depending on whether they are paying attention to you or not.” [21]

“The only thing is it feels SO much like I love him… I keep telling myself how I feel for my FP isn’t real, but hell does it feel like it is. It’s a very confusing place to be in.” [22]

“It’s not really your choice. And, to be fair, it isn’t the other person’s choice either… it takes a lot for someone to suddenly stop seeing you as their FP.” [22] “That’s a scary and difficult role to take on, especially unwillingly… I want you to understand the position that I have involuntarily put you in…” [25]

Individuals with BPD commonly describe FPs as someone caring, sympathetic and understanding, and so on. FPs are always there and reassure them when asked. FPs accept those with BPD as they are so that the latter feel free and express themselves around their FPs without fearing being judged and feeling like a burden. Their FP is a good listener, easy to talk to, and takes the time to understand and make them feel better, always being supportive.

“First, the person has to be sympathetic and understanding. Second, I have to feel like they get me. Third, we need to have emotional things in common.” [26]

Because FP is someone who the person with BPD feels stable and safe with, who is more likely to calm them down than fight back when they get emotional, they often get to the point where they believe their FP would rescue them. The more time they spend together, the more obsessed the individual with BPD becomes.

“It’s like they are all I need, like my life is complete as long as they are constantly giving me attention…feel like I am totally worthless unless someone is validating me. I have it with all my friends and my wife to an extent, but it’s worse with an FP.” [26]

The way FPs behave—constantly giving attention, validating and reassuring whenever they are asked—unfortunately, makes BPD symptoms worse, especially when they are not around. Individuals with BPD have to deal with intense jealousy, for example, when their FP spends time with other friends or does not answer their calls or messages immediately. While people with BPD need constant attention from their FP, they tend to internally analyze their interactions, looking for signs of rejection. Even though they know that their FP has the right to see other people and have alone time, they still consider that their FP is trying to drift away and no longer cares about them.

“It’s hard for me to tell myself that your world doesn’t revolve around me, … not hearing from you makes me anxious and paranoid, thinking you decided to abandon me…” [25]

Whether intended or not, FPs know how to comfort their person with BPD and reassure that they are not leaving, which reinforces these insecure attachment patterns. Those with BPD struggle with what is known as “splitting” on their FP, constantly shifting between idealization and devaluation; the shifting goes between these two extremes. When they are in the idealization phase, their emotional attachment toward their FP is strengthened. However, when their FP fails to fulfill their expectations, they are immediately devalued, causing anxiety and depression, sometimes anger and panic attacks.

Individuals with BPD keep actively trying to be accepted by their FP and fit completely into their FP’s life. For example, they tend to gradually change who they are, what they like or dislike, and the way they behave, trying to become like their FP. FPs are expected to be entirely honest with them and constantly let them know that they do not mean to cause any misunderstanding that could upset them.

“The loss of them is so much to bear that we would do almost anything to keep them. A changing self-identity is a symptom… very present within FP relationships.” [23] “You promise me you’ll never leave… I ask you at least once a day if our friendship is OK… You remind me that I mean as much to you as you mean to me.” [30]

The FP–BPD relationship often gets worse with time, as the person with BPD needs more attention and validation from their FP to get the same feeling of being cared for.

“My BPD thrived on her attention. The more attention she gave me, the more I got hooked on it and the more attention I needed to get the same “high” I felt.” [31]

The relationship gets to the point where it stops being a good friendship and turns toxic and destructive. Those with BPD can get too reliant on and obsessed with their FP to get out of the relationship but the emotions they experience, simultaneously, are too intense to stay secure and healthy in the relationship. Therefore, they often feel like having no control over the relationship.

“[They’re] like my drug. Whenever I get their attention, I’m happy for a while. But when I don’t, it’s like the world’s falling apart…” [20] “I have other friends, …but things were healthier. I didn’t rely on them the way I did with my FP, … I was happy not to have that intense bond with anyone else.” [33]

#bpd #personal #reminder I'm not alone :)

0 notes

panharmonium · 3 years

Photo

this is legitimately one of my top five favorite kakashi scenes.

i love seeing kakashi break the rules in the name of doing the right thing, and this scene especially is particularly satisfying to me, because his moment of defiance here is, to my mind, long overdue.

one of my eternal frustrations in early naruto is how the leaf village administration gives kakashi the job of caring for a group of super high-needs children and then continually makes that job as difficult for him as possible. they task him with being solely responsible for the development and well-being of three twelve year-olds - a group that includes naruto (a walking disaster with a god’s power trapped inside his body) and sasuke (a genocide survivor fixated on killing his own brother), BOTH of whom are being hunted by different groups of supercriminals - and then the village keeps getting in kakashi’s way or dropping the ball or actively ordering him to prioritize other things.

so much of what goes wrong with the kids in this period is the result of other people interfering with kakashi’s work or being negligent or endangering the kids/putting kakashi in impossible positions. team 7’s first big mission sets the tone for everything that comes after, with someone else’s lie putting kakashi in a situation where he has to single-handedly protect not just the client who deceived him, but the three children who were supposed to be the clients’ other protectors. and after that, the list just multiplies:

ten anbu operatives can’t manage to protect sasuke’s hospital room from orochimaru’s minions, so kakashi has to do it himself and then whisk sasuke out of the village for a month, leaving naruto in the hands of a substitute and sakura with her parents

genma orders sasuke to chase after gaara when the chunin exams blow up, saying “you’re at chunin level already,” which forces kakashi to immediately dispatch more kids to bring him back, because “ffs NO i do NOT want him out there doing that why the fuck would you tell him to do that?!”

aoba runs his mouth off about itachi when sasuke is standing RIGHT THERE, instantly undoing all the work kakashi just did to prevent itachi and sasuke from coming anywhere near each other (and thus sending sasuke to that disastrous first encounter, the outcome of which ultimately leads to sasuke’s defection)

jiraiya decides he should let sasuke try to fight itachi himself, “out of respect for the boy’s feelings,” leading to sasuke ending up in a tsukuyomi coma

tsunade orders kakashi to drop his teaching work and leave the village on a mission even though a) he’s just gotten out of his own torture-induced coma and b) sasuke is having a crisis that kakashi is trying to manage

and then when kakashi gets back from that mission and finds out that surprise, all of this meddling has led to a disaster, tsunade tries to order him away AGAIN

but this time - he just says no.

he walks right out of her office. he turns his back on her. and there is NOTHING i love more than seeing kakashi embody the philosophy that he’s chosen to adopt as his guiding light: those who break the rules are scum. but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum.

it’s not that he doesn’t understand where tsunade is coming from here. but he knows she’s wrong. she’s making her decisions based solely on concerns about the Leaf Village being in a tight spot - feeling like they can’t turn down missions because they’ll appear weak and thus become vulnerable to attack when they’re already operating at half strength. she sends a group of twelve year-olds to bring sasuke back because supposedly the village can’t spare anyone else, “even if it means letting the sharingan fall into orochimaru’s hands” - but like. it’s not the sharingan. it’s a child. sasuke isn’t just a repository for his hereditary jutsu; he’s not a pair of eyes to be passed around from one wielder to the next. he’s a human child.

tsunade doesn’t know sasuke. she’s new to the situation and doesn’t know enough about it to understand how serious it is. i don’t even think she was still in the village when the uchiha massacre occurred; the timeline makes it sound like she left long before that. she doesn’t really understand who sasuke is or how much trouble he’s in - she makes her decision because she feels like her first priority has to be the well-being of the Leaf as a whole, not the individual people who comprise it. kakashi, though, who a) lives his life by a very different philosophy and b) does understand sasuke’s situation, would not have dealt with the issue like this, and if the village had let him do his job from the beginning, things wouldn’t have gotten to this point in the first place.

kakashi is horrified that tsunade sent a bunch of twelve year-olds out to fight orochimaru’s ninja, and i think he’s also probably angry and/or frustrated about having been ordered out of the village in the first place. he was dealing with the situation before tsunade sent him away. he interrupted the fight between sasuke and naruto even though he himself had literally just gotten out of the hospital, and then he continued addressing the issue with sasuke privately (unlike jiraiya’s non-attempt to address it with naruto, when he said he was going to give naruto a talking-to but actually flaked out). kakashi knew sasuke was struggling, and he was doing all the things a teacher is supposed to do to address it, but then he was ordered away, and even though it was just for two days, it was enough time for everything to go to hell.

if people would just let him do his job - if the administration would let him focus on the task they themselves assigned to him - things would be different. but everybody wants him to do everything. they want him to be everywhere. they want him to protect the nine-tails jinchuriki (who is also kakashi’s dead teacher’s son), and train the last surviving uchiha (which is a task only kakashi and his sharingan can perform), and give equal attention to a third kid, for good measure, and they want him to do it without stepping away from any of his other burdens, all while other people around him constantly frustrate the progress he makes.

so this time, when tsunade tries to send him away, he refuses. he disobeys her orders and walks out of the room. he doesn’t care about the rules or what he’s “legally” obligated to do. he knows what the RIGHT thing to do is, and so he rejects his new mission in favor of rescuing the kids.

i love these moments. i love when we’re shown so clearly the person kakashi has chosen to be - someone who does what’s right, not just what he’s told. he made an active choice many years ago to adopt that philosophy, and he’s been living by those new rules ever since. he's wiser now than he was when he was a child - sometimes you have to break ranks to do the right thing. sometimes you have to buck the system, even if it means you might face severe personal consequences.

he had one of two choices: either save the mission or his comrades. of course, according to the law of the village, you cannot abandon a mission. but to save the life of his comrades, he put the mission on hold.

kakashi may have spent a good chunk of his childhood trying to reject everything the subject of that story stood for, but none of his attempts to harden his heart ever stuck. he is, in the end, his father’s son.

#naruto #pan watches naruto #meta #i got lost on the path of life #*#anyway i just LOVE seeing kakashi break the rules #gives me so much satisfaction #he's worked so hard to become who he is today #and he's grown so much #on the other hand...#i HATE seeing kakashi take all of his frustration with how the village has mishandled things #and immediately turn it around upon himself #'i was too naive'#'i'm too late'#'it was my cowardice that drove the three of you apart'#'i'm sorry you have such a careless sensei'#none of that is even REMOTELY true #literally the last thing kakashi ever was with these kids was 'careless' or 'cowardly'#the deck was stacked against him from the beginning and he still did EVERYTHING he could #but he blames himself for all the things that went wrong #even when they were completely out of his control #and that's why i maintain that the last hurdle kakashi is going to surmount in this story is guilt #that's the natural progression of his character arc #the one thing he has never been able to do -#despite all his other achievements and hard-won personal growth -#is let go of his guilt and shame #that's why his character design looks the way it looks #the way he wears that headband isn't a fashion choice. it's a symbolic representation of how he hasn't cleared this obstacle yet #he has never released himself from blame or forgiven himself for anything #maybe someday...but i guess i'll just have to wait and see

3K notes · View notes

linkspooky · 3 years

Text

Dabi’s Self Suicide

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but Dabi is someone who has a tendency to make things about himself. In the League of Villains which is identifiably a group dynamic, Dabi takes every available opportunity to insist that he is alone, he is just along for the ride. A single man, with a single conviction, should be enough to change the world. He has a tendency to act like he’s the most important one here, he’s the one whose going to bring an end to hero society all on his own and yet at the same time he has no sense of identity. He has no self. He doens’t even have a name. Hawks asks him his name and he literally responds with [redacted]. I think this paradox of Dabi’s is at the core of figuring out who he is, and who he is not.

1. Father Feelings

There’s something important to understand about Dabi, and just like always it starts with the family. I don’t think a lot of people realize how truly unfeeling, callous, cold towards Dabi Endeavor really was. I know we all, even I have used the golden child / scapegoat dynamic to describe Dabi and Shoto, but one important detail is that Dabi wasn’t always the scapegoat, he was the golden child at first.

More important than Endeavor’s own feelings, is Dabi’s in this flash back. From the start, Dabi thought he was a normal kid in a normal family. He thought he had a normal dad. He even liked his super cool hero dad. Dabi wanted to train with him, wanted his attention and time, but these are just things a normal kid wants.

However, Dabi was conceived of for very abnormal reasons. From the start, going into the whole affair, Endeavor’s intentions were wrong. Dabi was expected to carry on Endeavor’s legacy for him, he was the center of his attention, the center of his world. Dabi tried his best to carry all of those expectations as much as he reasonably could.

However, there is literally nothing Dabi could have done in that situation to satisfy Endeavor. It’s not even about being born with the wrong quirk. It’s Endeavor who was wrong. From the start, Endeavor wasn’t interested in having a child or loving a child, but rather having a miniature Endeavor, Touya was just a vessel, to carry all of Endeavor’s hopes and dreams and live vicariously through him. However, that’s impossible.E ven if Touya had been born with the right quirk, that was impossible. You can’t live through another person. Touya’s success never would have been Endeavor’s. Endeavor would hae resorted to the exact same abuse, manipulation, control. Touya was never meant to be his own person, and that’s why even now, even becoming Dabi who is the rejection of everything Endeavor is, he still forms his entire personhood around Endeavor. It’s not that kids choose to form their personhood around their parents, they have to form themselves around their parents, we literally learn how to be people by interacting with other people especially during the developmental years. The same ones that Touya died during.

Endeavor’s actions towards Touya is that he not only made Touya carry all of his emotions for him, he made Touya bear the brunt of his hurt feelings, all of his expectations, but then when Touya couldn’t carry them He blamed Touya. He tossed him aside. He made Touya feel, that something was wrong with Touya, and that was why he was no longer getting his father’s attention. It’s not anything Touya did, or anything Touya could do about, Touya was literally born wrong.

It’s literally what he crawled to Natsuo asking. Yet, still Touya tried to fix himself. He was the golden child, now he’s the scapegoat, and Touya feels he did something wrong, so he keeps trying to fix himself, keeps trying to train on his own, and it doesn’t work because it could never work until it results in his eventual suicide and then how does Endeavor refer to it.

Touya was just another tragic accident. Just a little mistake, along the road to creating Shoto. I’m not trying to explain away any of Dabi’s actions, just explain the way that Dabi regards himself, rather, Dabi literally has no sense of self at all. It’s been completely smashed to pieces. It’s ash. it’s dust. It’s just gone. Dabi’s name may as well just be [redacted]. There was also once a time that Shoto worried that he was more like his father within himself, but he got help from the people around him to realize he’s his own person, help that Dabi never got.

2. Sins of the Father

So it’s like a genetic trait in the Todoroki family to be completely self absorbed, and dense to the emotions of other people, to the point where you don’t really see other people’s feelings. Like father, like son, like other son. However, Endeavor’s just like that, whereas Dabi and Shoto were made that way. Imagine what it was like to be Shoto, to be constantly told, you’re different from them, you’re the special one, you’re the chosen one. To the point where you couldn’t even play with your siblings, or be a part of everyone’s normal lives, no you were forced to be special. Shoto is oblivious to other people’s emotions because he was literally forcibly separate from other people, and even his mother who was his strongest emotional tie during literally most of his developmental years.

Empathy is literally formed by interacting with people. You can’t form it or even have it, if your interactions with people are cut off and severely limited. You learn about how other people feel by normal social interaction, something that both Touya and Shoto were eventually cut off from. Touya from dying, Shoto from his mother being hospitalized. After that their ability to form connections with others was severely hampered.

One funny thing about Shoto is he kind of acts like he’s the protagonist of his own narrative. So does Bakugo. That’s why he goes “Get out of the way all you extras.” Shoto’s the one with the tragic backstory. Shoto’s the one with this motivation to defy his father’s wishes. However, Shoto’s not the main character, he’s not the hero of the story, and it’s actually important that he’s not because the literal setting of the story is a society where everyone has the potential to be a hero. Kind of like how the point of Miles Morales story is that everyone can be spiderman. Shoto, also doesn’t really want to be a main character, or special boy, all Shoto has ever wanted was to connect with his siblings, to have the normalcy that everyone else has. In a society where everyone, even his own father is so desperately trying to stand out, Shoto wants the safety and security of normalcy.

So you kind of have this paradox in Shoto’s head. Shoto kind of thinks of himself as a main character, even though that’s not really what he wants to be, just because that’s what’s been forced into his head the entire life. The emotional isolation of an abusive parent still ahs an effect on you, even when you’re aware, like Shoto was, that what Endeavor was saying was wrong. No one can grow up properly in isolation, that’s why kids need to interact with other kids and grow up together.

So, I think the utlimate explanation for Dabi’s attitude towards the rest of the league is this. I’m the main villain. I’m the biggest threat. I’m the one who is going to bring an end to hero society all on my own.

Once again this ties back to Shoto’s trauma, and Dabi’s. Touya didn’t want to be the special one, he was forced to be. Touya thought he was a normal kid, with a normal dad until he suddenly wasn’t. Then, Touya tried his hardest to be the special one until he literally broke his body, and his dad went no nevermind, turns out you were an extra.

Saying Dabi is just doing this for Endeavor’s attention is oversimplifying. There’s a need to give a narrative to pain. Shoto even does it. Shoto literally narrates his life, he dumps his life story on everyone who will listen. People who are traumatized, want to give some sort of special meaning to their trauma, they want to feel important, because that in some way might justify what happened to them. If they can’t feel loved, they can try feeling important, like someone who mattered. Otherwise, Dabi is literally just someone who died and got forgotten. Otherwise, he’s just a sad little mistake, the same way his father regards him. Dabi can’t let the league in, because he has to do this on his own to prove he’s special.

Dabi has this very individualistic and self centered approach to changing the world. He has to do it all on his own. He has to play mastermind. He was to orchestrate Endeavor’s rise and fall, and once again these are coping behaviors. Touya couldn’t control his abandonment, he had no agency in that, so he tries to pretend he’s in control of everything now. Even Dabi burning himself, his self-harming,it’s pain he’s in control of because he’s doing it to himself, father isn’t forcing him to train until he breaks anymore.

Shoto sees himself as a main character. Dabi sees himself as the main villain.

However, at the same time. Dabi hates himself. He loathes himself. It comes out in his self loathing behaviors, but more than that every thing Dabi does is an act of self destruction. Dabi has no feelings, no friends, no family, because he’s trying to destroy all those things.

Dabi has no sense of self, because Endeavor has ruined him to the point where he’s still Endeavor’s empty vessel after all these years of separation from him. Dabi has no self, and also he doesn’t want one. He doesn’t want to grow past this point.

Dabi has entirely fictionalized his life. That’s why he makes a dramatic reveal. Hee wants to turn his life into a tragedy, where he is the main character, where he is the one that Shoto and Endeavor cannot save. Because at least this way, he will not be forgotten. Unable to grasp for love, he tries to grasp for some kind of improtance, to change the world instead. In that scenario, it makes sense Dabi would distance himself from the league. I don’t think Dabi knows what his true feelings towards theleague are. In fact, I don’t even think he thinks about them. Who cares about what his feelings are? They are entirely separate from what he must do. Any feelings he has, any regrets, are going to burn away when he explodes like a bomb to ruin his father’s life.

Dabi’s wavering motivations, his constant flipping between different emotions, like he’s channel surfing, I dont’ believe we’re supposed to read into every single thing he says, but rather notice how constantly he’s changing what he’s saying, because Dabi has no stable sense of self. We’re also supposed to see why he has no stable sense of self, because he’s all alone.

This is the climax of Dabi’s big revenge play, it was supposed to end here, with the tragic protagonist dying. However, I think it’s actually really important in this arc that Dabi gets upstaged. Dabi is not the main character, Dabi’s not even the main villain. He’s not even the only character whose the descendant of a hero. It’s also, really important that Compress is the one who upstages his reveal.

What’s that? You thought I was a background character! It turns out I had this important motivation all along. The pacing is weird but it does achieve the intended effect. Dabi thought this was his moment, but that was actually bad for him. Dabi’s main flaw is that he tries to do all of these things along, but he’s not the only one who dreams of a better world. Dabi, Toga, Shigaraki, Mr. Compress says that all of their dreams are important at the same time. They are all simultaneously main characters.

Dabi doesn’t get to have his moment, but I think it’s narratively important that he didn’t get to have it, because Dabi does no favors for himself by cutting himself off from the league. It’s meant to be a character flaw, Dabi shouldn’t get his revenge play, because his revenge play ends up with him dying at the end to spite Endeavor one fainly time. Dabi can’t achieve his dreams, because he hasn’t figured out who he is, or even who he wants to be yet. He just knwos what he doesn’t want to be. He just knows what he’s not. He’s not Endeavor. However I don’t think there’s going to be some big twist reveal about his character where he’s like, I secretly cared about the league, or my family all along, I was secretly a soft guy at heart. Those feelings are there. It’s not a problem of being unfeeling with Dabi, rather that Dabi has no central sense of self to stabilize all those feelings around, thus we see him swinging wildly back and forth. I think while Dabi obviously has feelings towards both of those groups of people, a self is something he’ll have to develop over time when he finally introduces himself to the league. When he’s forced to live, past the tragic ending of his play.

Who will Dabi be when he realizes he has to live past his imagined revenge, who can he become? I think his development from this point will be incredibly interesting to wait, watch and see.

#touya todoroki #dabi #lov meta #mha meta #bnha meta #league of villains #league of villains meta #todoroki touya

651 notes · View notes

ships-bynoa · 3 years

Text

more thoughts:

i know some find yorick annoying (fair) because he makes stupid choices, but he is so precious to me because he feels real, no? it's the end of the world. he is the only man with a y chrom left alive as far as we know, of course he is going to struggle to adapt. he should. he didn't even get a choice and he's scared he won't be able to live up to what's expected. what i love about him is that he's so vulnerable and open in juxtaposition with his traveling companion, 355. they're going to balance each other out, hit a stride and then they'll find beth or something.

when yorick said, "i got you," to 355 in ep6 as he led her back to bed he really meant it. he thinks they're in this together and that's why he defends her to allison when she suggests leaving her behind. imagine the hurt and disappointment when 355 rejects him being her partner - because that's what he's proposing when he asks for a real job. in the loft he was there to protect her for once and cause he sees a glimpse of vulnerability, a peek into more of her, he reaches for her before she is ready.

he's asking to do more to lessen the burden on her (and he should be doing that anyway), but needs more from her too, an incline they're a team. remember in "Karen and Benji," when he apologizes to 355 and then confesses, all the changes are a lot? it really is a lot, and how else are they supposed to cope with them all without each other, not just physically going on this journey together, but emotionally. i feel like in some ways he's stronger than 355 emotionally. he doesn't hide the fact that he can't cope, and while that may mean he makes dumb choices because he's a desperate human being in desperate times, they're kind of understandable.

when he predictably goes with allison's plan after 355 blows up on him, it's typical yorick, responding emotionally, "fuck her" is personal. it's heavy. he feels rejected. he's tried to help, he wants to be more involved with protecting them and he thinks they're friends. (They are) what isn't typical is 355's emotional response, though it's expected because he hit a nerve.

if he's offering her help then it means she is failing at her job, the one thing she is good at and that defines her. yes, she's putting herself between yorick and danger, but it's more about her than him. she's lost and alone and afraid. she isn't used to navigating relationships that aren't a means to an end. her life before yorick was simple; disciplined, clinical and routine and now she has no one telling her what to do next.

the hundredth thing i love about the dynamic between 355 and yorick is, he has a better sense of who he is than she does, he can't help but be himself. whereas she has to constantly keep who she really is or was, or is rediscovering in check. she doesn't like being vulerable, so for him to confront her about her sleepwalking makes her feel exposed. naked. that's why she attacks him where it hurts - his need for connection and companionship - reminding him she's not his sister or girlfriend is her basically telling him she's off limits. when he asks for a little credit, i don't think it's as much as about what he said to allison earlier in her defense as much as it is about how he's come to actually care about her. he didn't bring up her sleepwalking to expose her but to open the floor to the possibility of sharing the burden of their survival.

with a little time alone 355 realizes shutting yorick out isn't sustainable, especially for the longevity of their trip which requires them to have a functioning relationship. for once and maybe for the first time she owes yorick an apology, and you can even see her practicing what she's going to say (she's so precious) as she comes down the stairs to find an empty basement. that's a blow no matter how she rationalizes it; whether she thinks it's ungrateful, selfish or dangerous which it is, or she feels abandoned and rejected (the way she rejected him earlier) it's a blow. and if it's all of the above, if she feels even a fraction of any of it then he's already in. we can see it when they're in the woods, the devastation on her face when she gives him a real job. (thank god. let him take part in assuring his own safety and yours)

that long look between them, the silence so pregnant even allison gulps, says so much. he's regretful, he acted rash and he hurt her and he can see it, so he tries to make amends but she shuts it down. yet she uses her anger to cover the hurt that is so clear in her voice when she scolds allison.

in truth, yorick did give up too easily, but i don't think, or at least i hope he won't do that again in a hurry.

i don't know if their unspoken burgeoning friendship is back to square one, i hope not. i think it's growing pains of figuring each other out while dealing with an apocalypse and the danger he is in. boundaries, trust and vulnerability is a must and that's what they're navigating. i'd like to think this hurtful moment is the beginning of growth for both of them.

#y the last man #y: the last man #noa posts #agent 355 #yorick brown #ashley romans #ben schnetzer

86 notes · View notes

angstyantoinette · 3 years

Text

Yandere! Armin Arlert Headcanons

AGED UP I REPEAT ALL CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP-

This little blonde ball of curiosity is verrryy toxic in my Yandere version.

Armin knows how innocent he looks to other people and by playing on this, coupled with his practical and analytical genius status, boy is it so very easy for him to gain the trust of his comrades, friends and especially his Beloved.

I feel as if Armin wouldn’t be picky with a particular type, but never being attracted to an unkind or particular person he would be disgusted by in any way.

He may fall for someone who is slightly colder, or who doesn’t really know how to respond to kindness. In that scenario, Armin would be overjoyed, but very patient and giving with them; if he wasn’t Yandere.

I see him as very touch-starved and wanting, but afraid to be clingy for fear he would drive his Beloved away. In this case he would dote on you as best he could in his environment, making you fall for him even more.

You would him as endearing, and like most, innocent. Armin is smart; one might say way too smart for his own good, and being a Yandere, I feel this makes him just as dangerous as those willing to use physical violence/methods on their Beloved.

He knows that you just love his little quirks and his way of thinking. If you tell him this, he may think you only see him as valuable because of his skill for strategizing. But when you reassure him that you just love him for him, he just falls in love with you even more.

He’s worrisome about you. Every time he makes practise with your ODM gear until you’re bruised, and exhausted, ready to run into his awaiting arms. Rewarding you with cuddles and affection, Armin’s love isn’t exactly conditional; but it still isn’t normal.

But that’s if you accept his feelings, with Armin being a Yandere or not, and with your knowledge or ignorance.

If you don’t accept his feelings, whether it being for your personal reasons, or because you…um, like someone else, to put it nicely;

YOU’RE FUCKED.

He’ll smile, nod his head, maybe try a little too hard to act like he’s okay with your decision. But you understand, after all, it’s not like you haven’t been rejected before.

“We can always be friends, Armin! I’m here for you okay?”

“Yeah, Y/N, whatever you say…”

About a few weeks after his rejection, with all of the support from Eren, Mikasa and the others, Armin is slowly descending into a deep depression.

He was so sure of his feelings for you. They were his most prized possession. You made him laugh, you made him blush and god you made his pitiful life seem so much more worth living. You were the ocean, and he just wanted to drown myself in you. Like the sun he saw so rarely, you were the ray of pure light that made his body burn.

He lay awake at night, taunted and enthralled with the thoughts of you in so many different scenarios….maybe in particular, different positions.

[Yes, those kinda positions. Armin’s not always that innocent, y’all.]

He knows that the more he thinks of you in these appetizing ways, in these hurtfully satisfying scenarios, he’s never going to be able to get over you.

Rather, he’s not even going to try.

Being trapped in his fantasies, Armin is horrifically aware that these feelings are incredibly toxic, for the both of you. He just won’t let you go. Whatever it takes, Armin will commit whatever crimes he must to keep you in his life.

He sees you as being misunderstood, especially if you’re typically a colder person, hard to read, detached. Some people compare you to Levi, but Armin just knows that you, like the Corporal, have far more depth than you let on.

His intrigue doesn’t let up for a long while, as you’re constantly surprising him in new and amazing ways. You’re used to his deep interest in you after a while, but you still don’t understand him.

Armin thrives on your confusion at first, but if it drives you away from him, he’ll go into tactical mode. Staying up all night,figuring out who is calling your attention to them rather than him and what his next move should be.

With his intelligence, Armin keeps his sizzling bafflement and envy under wraps. He tells himself that maybe he had unerved you a little. He can get like that sometimes, surely you understood him well enough to know that?He obviously did find you interesting and he was willing to momentarily abandon Eren and Mikasa just to fuel his endless curiosity.

Keep in mind, this is after you reject him, and his desperation to just know you and love you is greatly overwhelming him to the highest degree. You just won’t allow him to really see you, to understand you.

Eventually, he snaps. Just not in the typical yandere way. We all know that Armin feels as though he is a nuisance, a self-proclaimed burden so he keeps most of his feelings inside, and lets them loose to either prove a point, or while under stress.

It takes a minute for him to decide what to do with you, because he knows that once he has made a choice, it has to be the right choice. He has to know and map out a detailed plan, whether it’s doable, whether he’s able to pull it off by himself, etc.

His analytical skills come into play, and he plans everything from the location, time, the equipment needed at exactly what time. By this time, he will have comepletely left you alone; abrupt and brash, and just as he planned, you were surprised. Yes, he wanted to get to know you, and you couldn’t help but feel even slightly violated and maybe even disturbed.

Your like anyone in the world, have natural curiosity and interest in just about anything. But the unfamiliar feeling of unsettlement around Armin just felt…off.

You secretly knew of his deep infatuation; people always seemed to determined to figure the silent types out, to crack them open, decipher their many secrets. In terms of this analogy, you sort of understand, maybe even sympathise with his endless novelty toward your character, but even so…just why?

Maybe it was the fact that you felt bad for him, in a sad, puppy love kinda way. Maybe you saw him as a traumatized individual, just putting his assumed coping mechanism to work, with you just in the innocent line of fire.

If he kidnaps you at all, Armin will smother you. Telling you how much you mean to him, explaining that only he can access your wonder and intrigue. Because, after all, he worked this hard to get you; why would he ever share you with anyone else?

Although he will be stern, he’ll always be nice about it, rewarding you or not.

You’re an enigma to Armin Arlert, keeping him guessing, testing his patience with all of your being. You don’t know it, but soon you’ll be in his possession.

I headcanon him as seeing your refusal, your blatant rejection as some kind of ‘disease.’ You haven’t even seen the best of him yet, why make up your mind about something that you know almost nothing of? Oh well, you’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other very soon. He’ll bare his injured soul to you, and you’ll have mo choice but to do the same for him. It’s what married couples do after all, right?

Just let him love you, Y/N. Let Armin adore you. It’s the best thing to do if you want everyone to live.

Glassy, still sapphire eyes simply stared at you in the weak light of a stolen candle. You couldn’t quite pinpoint what they were saying, those beautiful, dangerous, albeit loving eyes. But yet, they also held malice in their abyss’. Endless, bottomless, simply divine they were. That was all you knew.

“Why…do you lie to me?” he murmered. A small, rough palm came to rest against your hollowed cheek, fingertips gently tapping against the skin. Realising how close he truly was, you tried your hardest to get away, shifting in your place in the surprisingly plush, old bed, but all it took was a flash of blonde hair to whip past your face, before he succeeded in holding your arms down.

While he never did this explicitly to punish or harm you, Armin always knew just how to exert his power. Never mind the boundaries that he installed in you the day of your arrival; he didn’t care for them as much as you had to pretend to.

This Armin was unhinged. Normalcy could never be considered in this relationship. He could never understand the pain he put you through. To Armin, it was all in the name of his devotion. All of his interest had been rooted in one fact; you refused to love him.

Once he figured out that you wouldn’t couldn’t love him of your own accord, he became enamoured with something he just knew he could never have.

He had never even thought about taking you, drugging you, dragging you to a secluded spot in the woods, or an out of bounds room, derelict over many years.

“I never intended to take you like this, bunny.”

Swallowing hard, you tried to look him in the eyes, gently lifting your head higher and higher until his blue pools of mere unhinged insanity met your own pained orbs. Seeming to like this, he smiled.

His perfect teeth looked more like fangs in the dim, weak moonlight. It had felt like he had managed to suck every molecule of beauty from even the most simple of things.

His voice sounded like the devil; harsh, unforgiving lilting tones of false hope daring to stroke you face and make you think you had a good chance at happiness.

You didn’t know when he stopped being Armin and began being a monster. You didn’t know if the lines could be blurred any further.

“I never wanted this, Armin-”

“Don’t play with me, bunny,” he snapped. His slender fingers wound themselves in your clean hair, twisting and searching for a soft spot to pull. When he found it, he lightly tugged; barely, but you still winced from the thought of the last time he did this.

You still wanted to believe that he was quiet, sweet Armin who still had an unstoppable fascination with you, but he was harmless then. Or was he? Was he faking his intentions? Did he have it planned from the very beginning?

You wanted to choke yourself for believing his simple demeanour, his dedication to the cause of the Survey Corps just like everyone else. He was a liar. He was a predator in all ways, ensnaring you, his perfect prey.

Only now had Armin realized just how confused you were.

You didn’t understand his love for you. You thought he hated you!

Now that wouldn’t do.

Armin could have have kicked himself. All of his stern discipline and rules stemming from his love and protection meant that you mistook for him being cruel. He was doing this out of his devotion!

How could he assume you would understand if he never told you, if he never proved his love?

“Armin, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything, I swear-” You took a deep breath, cutting yourself off. Now was not the place or time to be losing your composure; you still were trying to get used to the fact that you were being held against your will.

“Hush”, he suddenly murmured, gently taking your chin in his fingertips, before moving them to tenderly cup your face, his eyes darting anywhere that he could lay his gaze upon.

The gestures were so tender you found your cheeks erupting with a wild blush, the burning shame hitting you moments later when your hatred and slight fear hit you like a slap to the face.

Your embarassment only got worse when you felt his soft lips kiss your throat, his warm breath flush against your skin. His hands found themselves back in your hair again, stroking it, petting it, twisting it round and round his finger. His right hand caressed your nape, spreading his fingers so that they only just covered the width of your neck, and he pulled you closer, so that your head was nuzzled into his neck, buried beneath his love and fascination.

It all clicked.

Armin wasn’t just interested in you.

He was obessed with you.

Obsessively in love with you.

You felt pathetic. You felt weak. But in a strange way, you also felt loved.

You had no choice but to resign yourself to his touch, letting your head fall limp as he cradled you to his chest.

“Good bunny.”

#yandere aot #yandere snk #yandere armin #armin arlert x reader #attack on titan #yandere #headcanons #yandere attack on titan #Headcanon #hc's #armin x reader

338 notes · View notes

frosteee · 3 years

Text

Re-reading Junji Ito's awesome adaption of Frankenstein got me thinking about the Creature again, particularly his request for a female monster from his creator.

When I first read the story, waaay back, I felt sympathy for the Creature wanting a partner like most people do, and angry at Victor for destroying the female creature and the Creature's hopes with it.

But re-reading the scene - from the original novel - I see it differently. While you can still understand the Creature's position (all alone in the world, feared and hated because of his appearance), his belief that having a partner would magically make him both happy and harmless is naïve, toxic and, ultimately, doomed for failure.

Naïve

I think this can be partly attributed to his creation/nature. He was shunned at birth and left to figure out his own origins and mull existential questions on his own - and the answers were terrible. He had no guide or protector - that was Victor's job, and he rejected that instantly - and so was constantly trying to fill the void, like a child would. The Creature is, for all his eloquence, still an immature child in a monster's body.

Equating marriage to happiness might also be attributed to his experience with the blind man's family, where the Creature truly gained a sense of self and concept of relationships in general. He sees the positive effects the introduction of Safie has on the blind man's family, especially Felix, who loves her:

"The presence of Safie diffused happiness among its inhabitants, and I also found a greater degree of plenty reigned there."

The Creature clearly connects this experience with his vision of life with a female partner. The blind man's family were poor, but content, because of Safie, so the Creature presumes - hopes - that the same will apply to him.

Toxic

There is an enormous amount of selfishness in this request. He is demanding another being exist to be just as miserable and alone as he is, simply so that it makes him a little less so.

The Creature is actually aware of this - he says (my bold for emphasis):

"It is true that we shall be monsters, cut off from all the world; but on that account we shall be more attached to one another. Our lives will not be happy, but they will be harmless, and free from the misery I now feel."

The Creature knows what kind of life will be in store for his female companion, but his priority is his own comfort and he simply does not care. He later states "O Creator, make me happy!", contradicting his earlier statement and suggesting that while his partner will be unhappy, he will be happy with their lot in life.

Doomed to fail

He is the misery that wants company. He constantly looks to external forces to ensure his own happiness - the blind man's family, Victor, the hypothetical female creature - but has no ability, or desire, to find his own form of happiness.

Edit: Also, a union based on shared misery is HELLISH.

At this point in this story, the Creature has suffered enormous damage to his mind as well as his body. He has killed (innocent) people in blind rage. Behaviour and thoughts like that can't just flip on a dime. He has severe issues with anger, abandonment and envy, and it has escalated to murder.

He is not at peace with his own existence, and a female version of himself (which is essentially what he wants) can't give that to him. It needs to come from within.

But again, the Creature is looking for betterment in external factors. He constantly describes himself as ugly and incapable of being more than a miserable murderer because of how he looks and how he is treated, becoming his own self-fulfilling prophecy in the process.

Having a partner just as ugly as him would not make him less so. In fact, it would only serve as a constant reminder of his own ugliness and isolation from the world. Ultimately, he would still have his insecurities and identity issues. The only difference would be that he would have someone to complain with!

Speaking of the female partner - as I said before, the Creature is aware of the kind of life she would be living, but does not consider this important enough to think twice about it. His comfort and 'happiness' trump hers. He doesn't think about what the female partner think about being created purely for his satisfaction, doomed to life of loneliness and secrecy. He doesn't consider that she might, justifiably, resent the Creature like he resents Victor Frankenstein. He doesn't consider that she, as a thinking being, would simply not like him, or not like him as much as he would want her to. He doesn't consider that he might not like her either. He doesn't consider that the violent negative emotions and trauma he suffered will have long-term effects and negatively impact his partner or humanity.

To him, the female creature is simply a means to an end. Victor destroying the creature in the novel does not take away the fact that the Creature was naïve to think that having a companion would make him truly happy, and unfair to play god just as his own creator had done. There are just so many factors and issues that the Creature either ignores or deludes himself about for the female partner to have done him or the world any good.

In Junji Ito's version - as with The Bride of Frankenstein - the female creature is completed and animated, but she rejects the Creature on sight - and it goes exactly as badly as you would expect. He blames Victor for deliberately making her that way, not caring how irrational this thought process is (the Creature was an unintelligent, animalistic thing when he was first animated). He refuses to acknowledge his own unrealistic expectations and desires, pushing all responsibility onto Victor (not saying Victor doesn't share blame as well, he does) and vows vengeance.

Ultimately, in any version, the Creature simply was not equipped with the right tools, had the right mindset, or in a position to have a partner like he wanted. It was wasn't ever going to end well, and that's the tragedy of it.

#Thoughts #analysis #literature #Victor Frankenstein #Frankenstein #Mary Shelley #Junji Ito #junji ito

75 notes · View notes

hezuart · 3 years

Note

That anaversary aizen looks absolutely fabulous, he looks like a figure skater xd.

I heard along time ago the last arc of the anime was being animated finally bc they pulled a 90s sailor moon were the last season was not either animated or dubbed untill decades later.

I recall near the end of the current 366 episodes there was an episode were the creapy demon ppl woke up in hell and we're all bitter, and there was the other guy who was like, iM cOmEiNg FoR u IChIgO, but then is never mentioned again after and I'm like,why? Why is lt there just plopted randomly into a different arc that seams unrelated.

And locking aizen up underground seems ok, but It deff won't hold, and he will. Escape, and he will kill, you either need that one spell from star, dubbed, the darkest spell of moon the undaunted, a powerfull dark spell that killed immortal beings, that came from best character, eclipsa, the queen of darkness.

We need that.

Or stick him I'm crystal like eclipsa was in star. Is there no one who could trap him in ice or crystal for all eternity.

How about throw him into the centre of a volcano trapped and caged , forverr being killed by heat?

I assume there's space travel, send I'm into a black whole, were a black whole don't fuckin care if your immortal or fat, you will die

Yes, I love anniversary Aizen. His original octopus-butterfly hollow design was ugly so I'm glad he's back to being the fashion icon he is.

Locking Aizen up underground once is one thing, doing it twice after saying he got more powerful by just sitting there, and he escaped to battle the Quincy Soul King God... is another. I think he should have escaped at the end of the Quincy arc. That is the only feasibility.

I heard the anime is coming back for the Quincy arc as well, but because of COVID its probably going to be delayed. (I'm not gonna watch it until the Rain section of the arc then I'm dipping out. I'm only here for Zangetsu)

and funny that you mention that hell scene in the manga :)

-> spoilers for the new BLEACH 73 page anniversary chapter / thoughts/critique on it

So hey you had a premonition! Syazel .... returned? And his hole is outside of his body??? for some reason???

(I didn't understand the explanation or why / how that happens and what that means for the hollow)

And my friend and I were laughing because out of ALL the things. Kubo could do in this anniversary. He gave Syazel his dick back after going to hell. That is iconic. (that's where his hole was located, and now that its not on his body ... well...) This is the funniest thing Kubo has EVER pulled. Kudos to you, sir.

The entire internet is freaking out over Ukitake being in hell. Honestly Kubo has done far worse, and we've established that Soul Society is a corrupt system that hasn't changed, so I'm not surprised he would pull something like this.

At the same time, Kubo 1. cheated his audience. 2. continues to prove me right that he cannot bring himself to kill his characters

1. Hollows who have commit murder in their human life are sent to hell. Syazel and Aaorniero are two of these hollows, and yet, when they are killed, there is NO gates of hell scene. We see them there later in the hell chapter (which was more of a promotion for the fourth movie and I didn't believe it would hold any merit)

But the same goes for Ukitake. We never see the gates of hell take him. What, was hell late? Did hell's gates get lost like an uber before picking him up? It's bull. Withholding such vital information from your audience, not showing the gates of hell when they should pick up this soul IMMEDIATELY is ... I mean its a lie. Kubo lied to his audience.

2. Now we are told powerful shinigami are sent to hell when they die. First of all that sounds like a security threat. Wouldn't shinigami want revenge for that? Or attempt to escape? Why would they still hold loyalty after being sent to a prison of eternal suffering?

Also "Yhwach and Aizen" were the only ones keeping Hell's gates closed is way too convenient and doesn't really make any sense. I feel like Aizen should have deliberately gone to hell to retrieve powerful shinigami / hollows for his army instead of keeping it /closed/.

This is definitely a Kubo-doesn't-know-what-he's-doing-and-is -making- stuff-up-as-he-goes, but it might have a pinch of merit because of previous plot lines.... but either way, there's some big plot holes here, but again, its Kubo, so I expected nothing less.

Again, he can't kill off his characters. He introduced zombification, he introduced immortality through the hougyoku, he has Orihime and Hachigen's reversal / rejection abilities. He brought back Luppi, friggen.... a character who's entire upper half of his body was incinerated. Like.... come on. No. He's dead, you can't bring him back like that. That's a cop out and just weird. You're taking away consequences and grief.

(Also Yamamoto and Unohana deserve to be in hell far over Ukitake, they've done some fcked up stuff in their pasts unlike him)

Also Kubo's favorite character is Mayuri, which.... you're allowed to have a favorite problematic character. But Keeping said character alive and bared from the consequences of abusing his daughter, murdering innocents, and experimenting on your own squad members? Nah. Nope. Kill him, Kubo. Kill this dude.

(his weird attachment to Mayuri is probably why he keeps bringing Syazel back, since Syazel is Mayuri 2.0, but Syazel is the bad guy who does face consequences for his actions while Mayuri is not)

Also, I'm certain Kazui and Orihime are going to be THRILLED that their precious husband/dad is going to hell when he dies :)

(I just... Rukia teased Ichigo about leaving Orihime at home. She teased him about having a house wife who he leaves all the chores to. Orihime had two panels. She checks on her son who promised he would be at home and sleep. Kazui fcking breaks his promise like it never mattered to him and JUMPS out the window after pretending to sleep in front of his mother. ... An 8 year old... alone... in the middle of the night.)

Orihime is abandoned. She is not invited to SS, she is not informed of what is going on, her son leaves her.... I...

Orihime is a side character. She doesn't matter anymore. She hasn't mattered for a long, long time.

A part of me is glad she had little screen time, since she tends to waste it, but another part of me is embroiled with rage.

I've even see people try to defend this. "Orihime and Ichigo can't be together ALL the time, that's an unhealthy relationship!" and I'm like guys... that's not the point. The point is Orihime is not part of Ichigo's other life. Any shinigami stuff from now on is none of her business. She's going to stay at home while Kazui and Ichigo go off and save the world. Ichigo is going to be fighting by Rukia and Renji while Orihime watches from the sidelines, or worse, doesn't even know what is going on with her husband and son. Orihime is going to be uninformed and abandoned, because she has not proven she is capable of fighting by their sides(go on, @ me. I will fight this. She's a failure.), and also because she prefers a human life over a dead one. Which is ironic, because she married a dead man. Ichigo is a shinigami, and he will be one forever. god forbid she ever meets his Zanpaktou. She would tremble in fear at the monsters her husband harbors in his soul, especially when she realizes they don't care about her and would rather see her dead. (Zangetsu would absolutely kill Orihime. Not sure about Kazui, but Orihime has not accepted Zangetsu, she does not like either of them, and the feeling is assuredly mutual.) frick now I want to make a comic about this

Also still frustrated over Zangetsu's shikai / bankai regression. Kubo once again lied to his audience. Ichigo has no bankai. How ridiculous is that? The main character of BLEACH doesn't have a bankai. Insulting.

(RIP to Chad. He doesn't exist anymore. He's just gone. No mention, no cameo. Gone.)

Kazui is a demon child. That character from the novels? Hikone? They're the same character. Literally same personality, same power level. Its worse because Kazui is a liar. He constantly goes behind his parents' backs. He can summon creepy fish and creepy eyeballs and open portals like is ANYONE aware of this? How has SS not kidnapped Ichigo's son and experimented on him / locked away his powers yet? All substitute shinigami require a reiatsu controlling / spy badge to keep them in line. Where is Kazui's? Or is he just a weird fullbringer?

I was worried Kubo was gonna try and pull a knock off Boruto but luckily he kept the focus on Ichigo and the others. But that being said, Ichika and Kazui are now just... sort of there? Kazui was kinda just.... having his own adventure that doesn't matter to the plot at hand, and Ichika had some nice characterization at first but she just hid behind her dad the whole time.

I have a feeling Kazui is gonna step in at the last minute or do some major behind the scenes thing that indirectly interferes with the main plot so no one will realize how powerful and dangerous he actually is. Its sad because Ichika is the superior character in personality and likability, but she clearly is not going to have a bigger part in this.

Ichigo having a normal life after everything still feels extremely boring and uncomfortable to me. Everyone's like 'I'm still bLEACH!" but.... BLEACH just... doesn't feel like BLEACH anymore. It hasn't for a while now.

~~~

There's two new shinigami characters. Didn't care for the girl, but the Sign Language kid who talks to animals is adorable ... however... he just reminds me of Chad, and I just... it hurts knowing Chad has essentially been deleted. Chad and Orihime are officially benched. They have chosen the human world, and Orihime has given Ichigo his spawn so she has no more use/purpose to him anymore... ////sigh

~~~

Also. This is claimed to be a new "arc". So is the BLEACH manga coming back? What is happening. I thought Kubo was tired and didn't want to do BLEACH anymore. I thought Shounen Jump cut him off. People made so many excuses for Kubo and why the past two arcs have been so badly written the past 6 years and now almost everything they've attempted to defend him with has been revoked.

BLEACH is going to continue to screw up its plot lines and characters, so Its probably best for it to stay dead but I've seen a lot of Kubo stans drooling over this content, they're desperate for BLEACH's return, but its already given out all its possible revelations. There's really nothing else to top here. It's just going to make things up as it goes along ,and I'm not really here for half-assed writing like that, especially since the damage of rushing the previous manga has already been done. Kubo and Shounen Jump are riding off a money nostalgia. None of this was planned.

Honestly though.... overall feeling of this chapter, not as bad as it could have been.

Syazel stole the spotlight, and he's my friend's favorite character, so that's all that really matters.

#bleach #bleach spoilers #spoilers #text post #anti bleach 686 #anti ichihime #ask #tite kubo #technically anti renruki too but #ichihime destroys the plot more than renruki #renruki feels like an after thought #they're only together for kazui and ichika's existence #but if these two are lacking in use if BLEACH were to continue then why have them at all #even tho ive tagged this as anti ichihime #interestingly enough there is no ichihime interaction or really mention at all in this chapter

81 notes · View notes