#and trying to find the motivation to keep on going for like

[catmask]

do you ever find it hard to just....Keep Drawing? what keeps you motivated? what keeps you inspired? i've been finding it hard to pick up a pen lately despite loving drawing and wanting to do it more than anything, how do you do it? also, i hope you have a nice day!!

oh i absolutely do. i think like.. last night i was having a bit of a rough one. and talking to my boyfriend about it.

sometimes motivation for anything (not just art) feels like if i stop moving, ill fall flat on my face. its difficult for me to get going, especially if i get interrupted or get suddenly thrown into a social situation.

on one hand, drawing has always been my stim/self soothing activity of choice (as im autistic). but 'work drawing' can sometimes be difficult when im scared i might be interrupted in the middle of the day, or if someone might need me to like 'be a person' suddenly.

all this to say, i try my best to stay motivated by taking care of my body and my brain, because if those things go out of whack then i know for sure i wont be able to draw well. and then, in terms of artistic motivation... i look at other people's art, and i go on walks a lot.. and i spend a lot of time alone with my brain/feelings.

art sort of is just like... an engine through which i am taking the outside world, processing it and pulling it through to show everyone how i feel about it. sometimes its as simple as 'this thing was beautiful, i want to show you' 'this thing was cute, i want to show you' but sometimes its also 'this is something i learned, let me teach you' 'this is something that hurt me, let me heal it with you'

... in a lot of ways if i dont keep drawing, i dont know how id communicate with other people, really. so i guess, i have to keep drawing because id get very lonely otherwise.

#mailbox

[lowgothree]

𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ━━ ❛ 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄 ❜

chapter no. 000!          

𝗈𝗈𝗈.                 ⠀CONTENT : angst-ish. reader is lowk insecure and paige is lowk not good at reassurance (its for the plot trussst)

𝗈𝗈𝗈. ⠀      WORD COUNT : 637

𝗈𝗈𝗈.   ⠀AUTHORS NOTE : lmk if yall like this or not!

THERE WAS A TIME WHERE PAIGE KISSING YOU, having you underneath her warm lips, was the best thing that could happen to you. you loved how human it was. how natural it felt for her to be on top of you, her body heat engulfing you. whenever you were together; it was like you entered a little bubble…one where only you and her existed. 

but everything is temporary, (including humanity, apparently) because one november night, she had you pinned against her bed and all you can think about is how much you hate the feeling. you’re alone together now, in the private comfort of her apartment. the blinds were drawn shut but it wouldn’t matter because by now midnight had already rolled in and everyone looking in was most likely sleeping. you had her to yourself, finally –– nothing about the setting was unusual, most of the alone time you and paige had was past 11pm. she only loved you in the dark. 

but it wasn’t enough anymore. 

perhaps you had gotten greedy, finding yourself wanting to hold her hand in less private spaces. you’d been with her for months, six to be exact, and yet it felt pointless. she wouldn’t tell anyone. she said she loved you but she couldn’t tell anyone. and it didn’t help that she was possibly the biggest flirt most likely ever. she pulled away, noticing your lack of usual enthusiasm. 

“is something wrong?” three words that jump started the end of the relationship—if you could even call it that. it was inauspicious at best, nonexistent at worst. that was your greatest fear when it came to the two of you––that there was really nothing there. those three, almost dismissive words, completely shattered you. 

you bite your tongue but it’s futile. when you open your mouth again the words escape before you even realize it, much less stop yourself from saying them. “why did you say that?”

“cause you’re being weird and i wanna know what’s up?” she says in an obvious tone, confused as to why you’d even question her motives for trying to know what’s wrong with her girlfriend. 

“no, not that.” you sigh, realizing your vagueness. “earlier.” 

paige’s confused expression doesn’t lift for even a moment, in fact, it seems to increase. 

“to the girl at the shop. when she asked if you had a girlfriend.” you reply simply, annoyed that the situation clearly meant nothing to her when it meant everything to you. at the moment, at least. “you said you weren’t looking for a relationship.”

“well, that’s not exactly a lie.” she’s mostly joking but it’s clear that you didn’t take it that way. your hand, which was running up and down the length of her spine subconsciously, stops abruptly. her words are spoken lightheartedly but they suffocate you.

“i just mean…i’m kinda with you, y’know? so i’m not actively looking.” she doesn’t know why that’s what she chose to say in that moment and those words would prove to haunt her for long after.

“would it kill you to call me your girlfriend?”

she pauses, tensing like she always does whenever you talk labels. her silence is the worst answer. her silence is indifference. she doesn’t care, of course she doesn’t. why would you even expect her to? it was clear she only wanted a good time from you.

so you decided to make this easy for her. by saying what she never ever wanted you to say to her. you sit up, standing from the bed. “i think it’s best if we don’t keep seeing each other.”

she hates how formal you sound. she hates even more how she can’t say anything. she hates how she can’t speak even when you gather your things to leave her. she let you go, too frozen to stop you.

#anything but you ✹ꯣ #paige bueckers x reader

[calicoheartz]

could u do hcs of paige with a lax player gf? also i LOVE your work

Netted Hearts ; Paige Bueckers ᥫ᭡

summary : paige bueckers x lacrosse gf hcs !

warnings : none ! just pureee fluff

disclaimer : i do not play lacrosse , so i tried my best to accurately represent it in these hcs!

my master list ㇀♡

a/n : aww tysm anon!! i really hope you enjoy these hcs , they were very fun to write ! enjoy ◡̈

team support ;

Paige’s basketball team and your lacrosse team are all like one big happy family !

you guys often attend each others games, which creates a strong and supporting atmosphere for the both of you 🥹

shared passion ;

With both of your shared passion for sports, you try to help eachother as much as you can with game strategies, especially by watching each others tapes.

You both often offer insights and advice to eachother in order to improve!

injuries ;

ooooof best believe if you get injured during a game, yk our girl will be fighting the refs in order to get to you!

You’re HER baby , and she wants to take care of you in any way she can

Whether that means icing your bruises , kissing your scrapes , or just running you a warm bath, she will do anything for you ❤️

surprise visits ;

despite both of your conflicting schedules , she tries her best to surprise you with visits

she will definitely randomly show up at your lacrosse practice and start screaming your name, handing you your favorite snack during break time ◡̈

and you will often try to go to Paige’s basketball games sporting a hand-made sign

balance ;

balancing sports and academics can be quite a challenge , but you both definitely tackle it together

You two definitely study together , help eachother with school work , and loveee to keep eachother motivated

training sessions ;

you typically join eachother in the gym for back to back training sessions for your respective sports

Paige helps you with specific basketball skills such as ball handling and shooting , while you typically help her with agility and speed, drawing from your lacrosse experience

supportive dynamic ;

you both have a very deep and passionate supportive relationship.

again , despite your conflicting schedules , she will always find a way to cheer you on at some of your games. Always always always cheering loudly from the stands

(you obviously do the same for her)

competitive spirit ;

you both are fiercely competitive , so it’s natural for the both of you to make everything into a competition. Who can clean the dishes the fastest , racing from the car and into your apartment , who can finish laundry the fastest , etc.

this competitive nature helps keep your relationship fun and exciting , and keeps you on the tip of your toes

personal growth ;

through the ups and downs of your relationship , you have been able to benefit the both of you in your respective sports.

You both have learned valuable lessons regarding teamwork , perseverance , and communication ; which has helped you both on and off the field / court

random hcs ;

She will definitely hit you with a lacrosse stick just to piss you off , maybe even a basketball too if you’re unlucky enough to

Will make you get up in the mornings to practice your stick skills

Gets you lacrosse themed goodies as a way to say she’s proud of you (yall are matching)

Paige would be such a good gf istg 🥴 anyways, as always tysm for reading !!

#wlw #wlw imagine #wcbb #paige bueckers #wcbb x reader #headcannons #my hcs #paige bueckers x reader #uconn wbb #uconn huskies #uconn women’s basketball #uconn vs iowa #paige buckets #lacrosse #women’s lacrosse

[definitelynotafurinasimp]

Eula with a reader that’s full of kindness

characters: Eula x gn!reader

warnings: none

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Eula

There weren’t all too many people in Mondstadt that were ready to lend someone like Eula not only an ear, but even went so far as to offer her kindness and friendship from the beginning. And yet you did.

Eula wasn’t proud of saying this, but she couldn’t help but be very suspicious at first, trying to keep you an extra arms length away from her, trying to figure out your motive for trying to cozy up to her the way you did, only to find… nothing. Once she noticed that there was no secret scheme of yours however, she started to also notice how your kindness wasn’t just limited to her. And before she knew it, she started to appreciate it more than she probably had any legitimate reason to.

It was cold, snow was falling from the skies and covering every inch of surface as far as the eye could see. It didn’t take any kind of magical heat vision to see her own breaths every few seconds. And still, you were nowhere to be found. Did you stand her up? No, that was impossible, not even someone as cynical as her could believe you breaking your promise. Probably got yourself into some sort of weird situation again…

Just as she finished her thought however, you appeared in her vision, hurrying over towards her with your hands pressed between your armpits.

“I hope you didn’t have to wait long, Eula. I… met an old acquaintance”, you lied as obviously as you shivered, an uneasy smile on your lips that made her want to groan. As the weather got colder, you managed to bump into old acquaintances more and more frequently, only for your gloves, scarves and other winter wear to coincidentally go missing.

It didn’t take a master detective to figure out what was going on, and frankly, Eula felt a bit insulted you thought you’d fool her for even a second.

“Which made you so busy that you forgot to bring along gloves, I see”, she stated, her sarcasm not exactly subtle and yet all you did was awkwardly smile at her. Dear Gods, what was she going to do with you?

“Just because you grew up in a wealthy household doesn’t mean you can just gift your stuff to whoever you see. Or did you forget your family is far from affluent now?”, Eula gave you a brief lecture, before letting out a sigh and pulling off her right glove, holding it out to you.

"Put this on.”

Just as you were about to protest about how her own hand was going to get cold however, she shut you up by grabbing yours, keeping both of them warm.

“Let’s go, we don’t have all day.”

#eula #eula x reader #eula x y/n #eula lawrence x reader #eula lawrence #eula imagines #genshin x reader

[stingynugget]

Lost Kingdom Bowuigi Prompt

An idea I had for Bowuigi, though I'm not sure how to flesh it out (so any ideas are welcome lol):

Luigi is in the Lost Kingdom from Mario Odyssey, looking for a balloon his brother hid. He gets caught in an acid rain storm, so he goes to a cave to hide... only to find Bowser already there. However, Bowser is acting strange. He won't open his eyes, and he doesn't get up when he hears Luigi enter the cave. (Maybe somehow a poison film covered his eyes, and one of his legs got dipped in a poison pool and got eaten down to the bone.) Cue injured Bowser x Luigi story, but one where Bowser doesn't recognize Luigi for either a while or until he's healed and is at the Mushroom Kingdom for a party. Could have some Cinderella/Little Mermaid elements as Bowser looks for the man who saved his life, but he has no idea what he looks like.

I started this idea off, but I lost motivation haha:

Luigi pushed aside a particularly dense area of vegetation and breathed in the earthy scent of the Lost Kingdom. Tropical trees and plants surrounded him, along with stretchy wigglers and klepto birds. He was looking for a hidden balloon, as part of a hide-and-seek game between him and his older brother Mario. 

His compass, which told him what direction the balloon was, pointed down into a nearby pool of poison. He’d been trying to figure out if Mario actually hid the balloon in the poison or some nearby location for the past hour, but he still couldn’t find it.

To make matters worse, clouds were starting to form overhead. The Lost Kingdom was notorious for its horrifying poisonous rain. 

Luigi sighed. Did he just give up and try again tomorrow? But Mario was already at Blue Balloon rank, and Luigi was still stuck at Yellow Balloon. He needed to catch up soon, before he lost the month-long game altogether.

He felt a sizzling pain on his arm. Crying out, Luigi looked up to see the rain had already started to fall. Luigi frantically looked around, until he spotted a path that he knew led to a large, dry cave. He made a dash for it.

As he rounded the corner, the cave came into view. However, the last being he expected to see was sleeping there: the King of the Koopas himself. 

Bowser deeply snored, his head resting on his arms as he curled up in the cave. His spiky shell nearly touched the top of the cave, though the cave was deep enough for the rest of his body. He wore his usual spiked armbands and choker.

Luigi froze. He glanced behind him, at the sprinkle of acid rain that was now a downpour, and back at Bowser. Maybe… he could just sneak in quietly, and Bowser wouldn’t even know he was there. Just until the rain stopped.

Luigi took a small step forward and immediately tripped on a protruding rock. The sound of his shoe scuffling and his body thumping on the ground resounded throughout the cave. 

Bowser stirred and sniffed the air. “Who’s there?” he growled. 

Luigi’s heart hammered in his chest. He tried taking a small step backwards, but he didn’t get far without nearly getting poison on him. Right. The whole reason he was in this cave was to get out of the rain. But now he was stuck with Bowser. Which option was worse?

Bowser chuckled lowly. “I know you’re there. I can smell the sweat on you.” His eyes remained closed, which Luigi thought was strange.

Luigi squeezed his hands and desperately tried not to panic. But he was panicking. What should he do? Say “hello” to the Mushroom Kingdom’s biggest problem? Or just wait it out? More sweat dripped from under his hat and onto the tip of his round nose.

“You have three seconds to say something before I fry you.”

Luigi gulped. “Um!” His mouth chattered. “S-sorry to bother you. I was trying to g-get out of the r-rain.” He waited for the inevitable plume of flame that would be headed his way.

Bowser smiled. “There. Was that so hard?”

Luigi blinked in surprise. What was Bowser playing at? And why was he keeping his eyes shut? Did he just want to go back to sleep? Because Luigi would really like that.

“I w-won’t be a b-bother,” Luigi said. “Once the rain stops, I’ll be out of your hair.” Red hair, to be specific.

Bowser hummed. “Or… I throw you into the rain right now.”

“W-what!?” 

Bowser chuckled darkly. He didn’t move from his spot, though. “In exchange for letting you stay here, you will become my servant. Being an underling of the King of the Koopas is quite the honor.”

“B-but—”

“Just until I’m out of this awful kingdom. Though, if you do well, I’m actually recruiting right now. Lost a lot of minions from my last escapade. That's why I’m here in the first place.”

Luigi had a feeling that by “last escapade,” Bowser meant the last time he tried to kidnap Princess Peach. Mario and Bowser had a huge battle in the Moon Kingdom, with Mario winning of course. Luigi was just glad Mario hadn’t dragged him on this adventure. Flying in The Odyssey sounded like a nightmare, especially since he had acrophobia.

And wait, Luigi thought about the other thing Bowser said. “You… want me to join your team?”

“Were you even listening? That’s if you serve me well.”

Luigi frowned. He studied Bowser, who was still curled up on the floor of the cave. Bowser’s eyes, now that he looked at them closer, seemed to have a thin purple film covering them. 

Luigi tiptoed to the other end of the cave, but Bowser’s head didn’t follow the movement. He waved his hand, and Bowser just continued to “stare” at the rain falling outside.

“The pay’s good. Same with paid time off,” Bowser continued, when Luigi didn’t say anything.

Luigi shivered at the thought of working for Bowser. “I’ll, uh, consider it.” 

“Now, servant, what is your name?”

Luigi flinched. “Uh…” Shoot. He definitely shouldn’t give Bowser his real name. “L… Luis.” This was never going to work. He was so bad at lying.

“Luis… Sounds kind of familiar…”

“Er, it’s a common name.”

“Hmm… I see. Well, servant, your first action will be seeing what you can do about my leg.”

Why did Bowser even bother asking for his name? “Your leg?”

Bowser growled. “You think I’d be in this cave if I could help it?” He gestured behind him with his chin. “Get to it. And if you cause me any pain, I’ll fry you.”

“B-but—” He wasn’t a doctor! How was he supposed to know what would or wouldn’t cause pain?

“Stop dilly-dallying and get to work!” Bowser roared.

Luigi straightened his back and cried, “R-right!” As he crept around Bowser, he considered just running as far down into the cave as he could. Though… while Bowser couldn’t move, he still had his fire breath—and Luigi had plenty of experience to know that stuff had a wickedly long range. 

#bowser #bowuigi #bowser x luigi #luigi #luigi x bowser #fanfic prompt #fic prompt #bowuigi prompt

[arson4kids]

𝒜𝓇𝓂𝓎 𝒟𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂𝑒𝓇𝓈 ⋆

warnings: sorry y'all this fic is ANGSTY, multi-part series (it's gonna get better trust), bad writing (sue me), mentions of heavy drinking & (light) drug use, mentions of depression, mentions of blood & death, PTSD/panic attacks, ellie needs a hug, more closed off ellie and reader, ellie and reader were never really friends, reader isn't masc or fem (sorry), eventual smut. NOT PROOF READ.

wc: 1620

approx. read time: 12.5 minutes

a/n: sorry i disappeared to those who follow me/read my fics on occasion. i've had zero motivation to write lately. this is more to set the stage for the rest of the series so there isn't much dialog. go easy on me yall i barely write stuff on here.

synopsis: Ellie, having been gone in Santa Barbara for so long, doesn't get the warm welcome she was hoping for. In fact, she's become more of a stranger in her own home that she wonders if she should have never come back. Without means of escape from this new hellish reality...she turns to you for help.

The day she came back couldn't have gone worse. Everyone thought she had died, and you were starting to wonder if people wished she did. Her arrival into Jackson was met with nothing but hostility. Dina refused to speak to her, let alone look at her. The sight was surely something to behold. A once beloved member of the small survivor's community now shunned and shut out. You couldn't say you were surprised.

The day she had left Dina had taken up her things and her young son and marched right back into Jackson. She wasted no time telling everyone exactly what happened. It was safe to say Tommy and Maria didn't last long after that. People stopped regarding Ellie as a mourning girl trying to find closure. She was looking more and more like a monster in the eyes of the town the longer time passed. People began to blame her for the death of Jesse and Dina's growing depression. Some people even came to blame her for Tommy and Maria's separation. The town was already in shambles before she came back. And it was safe to say her return didn't help.

Now, you couldn't say you knew her personally. Sure the two of you hung out and got drunk on occasion after patrols. She would invite you over every once in a while to watch cheesy action movies with her. You'd help her in the stables when she needed it. You considered her a friend of sorts, but you two weren't close by any means. You couldn't even recall her favorite colour. But that didn't prove to soothe the dull ache in your chest as Maria yelled at her openly out in the town's square. You swore you saw a tear drop from the auburn haired girl's eye. She had gone through so much, but who were you to comfort her? That wouldn't get you anywhere. Once Maria finished speaking Ellie held her head up despite everything, marching past you and the others without a second glance. You didn't know how long this would last. Hopefully not long.

.

.

.

Despite her efforts, she couldn't do anything anymore. She was forbidden to go on patrols. Maria even refused to put her on farming rotation. She was forced to live fully isolated from everybody. Even when she did leave the house, nobody treated her like they once did. A passing glance from an older woman. Children bowing their heads and diverting their gazes. Dina pulled her curtains shut when Ellie so much as looked in her direction. Even Kat was avoiding her like the plague. So when you were the last one on the block that wasn't turning and running...you gave her a small smile.

At first, she didn't seem to care. She'd bow her head or give you a small nod. Possibly a passing grunt. But as time went on she began warming up to you. Maybe it was because she had no one else. Maybe she was desperate. Whatever it was, you were all she had. Well, not really. All she had in her mind was her whiskey and her thoughts to keep her company. You could smell it on her breath when she walked by. You could sometimes even pick up traces of...weed? Was she ever sober anymore? You doubted it. You almost couldn't blame her.

The days began to fade into weeks and Ellie got no better. She barely left the house anymore, when she did it was merely to get wasted and go back home. You could feel your stomach twisting into knots whenever you saw her stumbling back out onto the streets some afternoons after your patrol. She barely looked like herself anymore. She was thin. Her once fair skin now holding a sickly glow to it. The circles under her eyes only got darker the more she drank. She'd surely drink herself straight to the grave at this rate. Could she even care? You couldn't be sure.

Despite your friend urging you not to, you followed the pale girl into the bar one evening. You had to see the end of this. You couldn't give a flying fuck what people thought about you after this. You weren't going to sit by and watch this once spirited girl drink herself away just because everyone else could. How could you live with yourself if you did?

It didn't take you very long to spot her once you were in there. The bar was mostly empty as it usually was on weekdays, only a few drunk men were silently slumped over tables or aimlessly chatting each other up. The dull buzz of conversation didn't distract you as you watched her sitting alone in the back corner. Her hand on her cheek, she sat silently as she tried to eat some crackers, an already empty glass of whiskey by her left hand. The sight was so pitiful in itself you almost couldn't watch.

Taking a deep breath and forcing all your doubts aside, you slowly approached her table. Her eyes were quick to follow you even before you got close enough to speak. It made you uneasy as you took the seat across from her. She furrowed her brow, maybe out of confusion. You couldn't tell. You quickly cleared your throat to hopefully ease the sudden tension between the two of you. It hung heavily in the air, much like the smoke of an old cigar. Overbearing. Suffocating.

"Hey." You finally forced yourself to choke out, trying to play it cool. Ellie set her cracker aside, meeting your gaze.

"Hey." She replied, her tone much like yours. Unsure. You felt bad for her. How could you not.

"How's it going?" You asked, as if it wasn't already obvious. You wanted to kick yourself as you heard the auburn haired girl scoff and straighten herself out in her chair. You half expected her to yell at you and tell you to leave her alone so her response caught you off guard.

"Y'know. Just great." She laughed bitterly. Your heart swelled with guilt. Maybe this went deeper than you thought.

"Do you maybe want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

You thought a moment before responding, swallowing a lump in your throat you didn't even know was there.

"What happened...out there."

Ellie furrowed her brow as you spoke. You could hear her tapping her heal against the cool wooden floor of the bar.

"You mean in Santa Barbara?" Ellie simply shook her head.

"I don't think so."

Her response, while you were slightly disappointed, was expected. You didn't expect her to open up to you.

"Well is there anything I can do so you don't have to do this?" You asked, gesturing to the empty glass of whiskey. Ellie glanced up at you. She almost seemed surprised you brought it up. A nervous pit formed in your stomach as the silence returned. Her sudden shift in attitude told you all that you had to know. She couldn't trust you. And you wouldn't force her to. You stood to leave and almost yelped when you felt a sudden warm hand clasp around your wrist. You were saddened when you met Ellie's near desperate gaze when you looked back over to her. Her grip on you tightened as her eyes suddenly welled up with tears.

"Please..." She nearly whimpered. "Don't leave me alone."

You never expected this from her, considering how aloof she was normally. You gently loosened her grip on your arm.

"Do you want to come home with me? We can watch Jurassic Park or some shit."

.

.

.

When you invited her back to watch a movie, you didn't think it'd end with her sobbing into your chest as she spilled all the gruesome details of the past few years to you. She told you about Joel's death and how that led to the events of Seattle, her time at the farm with Dina and how she thought she would stay there forever before she left for Santa Barbara. With each of her hot tears against your skin brought a new story from her. You almost thought she was having a panic attack thanks to how much and how long she had been sobbing. You didn't have the heart to stop her. All you could do is hold her against you and hope that you were providing her with a small amount of comfort just by being there. You would have sat up with her all night if she asked you to. You almost did until the poor girl ended up falling asleep right in your arms from sheer exhaustion. You didn't have the heart to push her away.

.

.

.

From that night on, Ellie stayed with you. She had made herself at home slowly in your guest bedroom. She finally started to heal. People were starting to lessen up on her, even if it was only slightly. That almost didn't matter to her anymore thanks to your ongoing support. She even had the chance to formally talk to Dina and see her son again. All of this started to lull Ellie into a form of peace she never thought she'd reach again. It brought you peace as well.

While all of this was going on, you couldn't help but notice how much closer Ellie was getting to you. It started with friendly greetings and holding your hand to her talking to you late at night while she played with your hair. You were stating to question what she meant to you. What you meant to her. You almost felt guilty for thinking you were anything more than just a friend to her. But, only time could tell, right?

#Spotify #multiple part series #ellie x y/n #ellie x reader #ellie williams #ellie tlou #ellie the last of us #ellie x you #idk what else to tag #can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars #? i guess #angst with a happy ending

[xxswagcorexx]

thinking about that ashswag testrun ep......

#listen 2 me. as someone who has a passive interest in the youtube algorithm #and likes to hear people talk about 'optimizing' it sometimes #and Also as someone whos very involved in fandom culture #its so!! fascinating to listen someone who has a fandom talk about the meta of their work! #like #when i think of 'ashswag' i automatically think of the fandom. i think about the thousands of words and dozens of art about spite and rage #but. ashswag (the guy) refering to 'ashswag' as a brand that can be optimized #its. a Really jarring disconnect as someone who thinks of the fandom First #esp when parrot and ash talking about the longevity of their channels #and talking about other creators and eventually going #'yeah i wish my content will grow with me as a person so i wont beat youtube like a dead horse and not enjoy it :/' #is. so interesting. #esp bc later they talk about off sourcing their editing to dedicated editors so they can be consistent #and trying to find the motivation to keep on going for like #5 years #and about how their goals are numbers based but also 'i wanna make meaningful content' #like. bud. yall already are #as someone whos talked with lots of members of the lifesteal fandom: yall are making art that inspires you! #it isn't just content that can be optimized. your videos inspire other people to create and connect #and be. human with each other. #and i Do think thats where fandom shines best #artists celebrating other artists #and ive been trying to go into this mindset myself: but youtubers are artists man! #theyre just using a new medium!! #and it sucks that youtube sees them as profit machines!! and punishes you for taking breaks bc youre human!!!! #but. listen man. when i think of ls s3 #yes i do think of the traps and pvps #but i also think about something else #i think about the trust. i think about how in a server that punishes you for being bad at the game

[rosiesriiveters]

Rosie at the flak house is like... he's compartmentalising... he's holding it together, but he's scared that if he stops, actually stops, he won't be able to get in the saddle again. That if he actually thinks about Munster, then he won't be able to stop thinking about it.

It's Rosie keeping to himself almost the entire time he's there, watching from afar - watching his men laugh together and cry alone - but just that, watching, and never with them. It's Rosie not sleeping, it's Rosie and this underlying sense of dread of how the hell he's going to get back in the plane.

Then - it's Rosie's conversation with the doctor. Rosie's the drummer, and yes, he has to keep his own beat, but he has to keep everyone else's beat too. If Rosie's rhythm is disrupted, then his crew's rhythm is disrupted. And it's only then, that pushes Rosie to pull up a chair and sit with and comfort his crew at the flak house.

#i really felt like from this whole episode that rosie couldn't really admit it to himself that there is a #Possibility that he might not be ok but the love his men trumps everything and he realises he needs to be there for them #like rosie keeps everything inside #he really is a brick wall sometimes and doesn't give much up #so the scene of him finding the rhythm to get back in the plane was so good and felt so real to me #the doctor read him so well tho #realising he's not going to get through to rosie through trying to convince him he needs to take care of himself but instead using rosie's #crew as motivation to help rosie process what happened to him #rosie loves his boys and he may not be able to acknowledge his own trauma but he will love and care for the others (and by doing that he #also is able to do a better job at taking care of himself #rosie rosenthal #robert rosenthal #masters of the air #tv: masters of the air #ch: rosie

[bitegore]

So seriously: if you have a serious recoil/disgust factor at uncommonly eaten parts of an animal being in any kind of food context (eg: whole fish being served at a table) and you want to work on minimizing that reaction, I really really recommend eating "normal" versions of those unusual foods, like for example deli-sliced tongue. I know I'm talking out of my ass here, but things like liver and haggis (organ meat), tongue (tongue), and probably a whole lot of others I've never had can be pretty easily made into forms that taste real good and don't look much like a weird lump of flesh you can recognize, and being able to get from "that's weird and gross but I want to get it" to "that's weird but it tastes really good and I want to get it" will probably make building up momentum easier when you move on to less "common" pastures.

Good luck, by the way. I believe in you.

#red rambles #i'm doing this with bugs for the record im not like JUST talking out my ass. I have a full on phobia of dead bugs #I can and have eaten live bugs! I've eaten and really enjoyed cricket-flour chips! I'm working my way up to "whole preserved scorpion in #chocolate'' type desserts but I haven't gotten there yet #so I know for a fact that there's a kind of person who has this sort of instinctive repulsion and also really really REALLY wants to get #over it. and also i didn't even realize this was a thing because i grew up with whitefish and tongue and so on #anyway im not sure if people like. KNOW that you can get like... liver *spread* or prepared tongue or brain or w/e #being able to go 'oh that is actually delicious' is a big thing or at least it is for me! it's very motivating! #you're the only one who is going to really 'push' you on these things- god knows my immediate family and friends mostly wants me to #STOP trying to eat bugs LMFAO (this is due to my behaviors but also like my dad told me I was not to keep cricket snacks in the house) #(so it's a bit of both but mostly because i cannot be trusted not to just eat a random ant because they are delicious these days) #but like at least in my experience the second you step out of the 'culturally normative' fold people stop being like 'yay stop being picky! #and start going 'no stop go back to being picky' so it's really really important to find your own motivators and not rely on other people

[wordstro]

so apparently the key to actually getting writing done was going to coffee shops and writing? who knew? anyways i have hit the last couple scenes of got au, tying things together and feeling like i’m gonna cry because i’ve finally been able to write!!!

also i have just finished the percy jackson show and my god i used to love that series so much…. perhaps a percy jackson ateez au is in the works (specifically in my brain rn but i am thinking of demigod ateez and 😭) 👀

thank u everyone for checking in i promise u i have not gone mia 😫 life has been putting out hit after hit and i am unfortunately not gods strongest soldier but we are so back

#i think coworking has been the key to writing blocks this whole time…. or it’s just adhd LMFAO #also not to be that person but ever since i got medicated for anxiety relearning the habit of writing has been hard #like tmi i guess but writing was always used as a way for me to procrastinate on other things #or distract myself or as an outlet for emotions that now that i feel much more regulated #i have to actually make the conscious effort to be consistent and WANT to write instead of waiting for a motive #it’s been such a wild thing to try to navigate through :( #feeling like that stan account meme that’s like ‘sorry guys no longer a stan bc i’m medicated 😝’ LMAO #but i do love writing and def don’t want to let it fall away to the wayside so 2024 is the year i find a way to keep going with this #not fic

[ennuidays]

i actually cant do this

#im literally the dumbest person i know #everyone else works so much harder and they get so much done #even the way they talk is motivated even if they say its not #everyone is so smart and im slow and cant get anything done correctly or on time #i wish i got straight a's i wish i had something to prove myself #all i have to go on is numbers that dont even matter because nobody takes them #im just some lazy piece of shit who happens to be good at test taking #i dont know anything #im failing my clasdes again #i can barely keep myself above a 3.0 #how much time will it take to get me fixed ???? everyone says its a slow process and you have to find what works for you #but i dont know what works for me and neither does anybody else #every therapist i talk to is at a loss w wht to do with me #am i trying ??? am i worse off than i thought???? #i tell myself i can function like anyone else but i cant even prove that #im undeserving of what i have #i get stressed when anythinf good happens to me whrn other people would kill for this opportunity #God strike me down ive wasted my years here i cant keep this up #i ddont deserve the painful death i want #Haha okay im over it

[thethingything]

okay I took painkillers an hour ago so I'm a little out of it but I just realised after how bad this month hit us with various stuff and how bad our depression's been, we have managed to start getting back on track with stuff:

changed our bedding (which was a big task we hadn't had the energy for in a while)

started getting the motivation to draw again

caught up on a bunch of journaling over the last few days

cleared off part of our desk

joined a party on Habitica which seems to be helping with getting the motivation to do stuff again

started getting back into language learning a bit more (we've kept up with it but only like, the bare minimum)

and probably other stuff I'm forgetting...

but anyway like, our mental health is still kinda fucked, but we're at least doing things, and that little burst of starting to do more after struggling to keep up with anything is usually a good sign for us

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #happy posting #currently zooted #we've simultaneously vented about stuff and yet possibly not actually let on how bad our depression's been #but I've noticed that even while we were struggling more with not having much motivation for anything #we were still making to-do lists and trying to find things to keep us occupied and make sure we were busy and talking to people #which is probably a lot better than the thing we used to do where we'd start being less social and end up isolating ourselves #I've noticed we tend to get the urge to go and talk to people instead of isolating when we feel bad now #I mean we still get the urge to isolate sometimes but we end up going ''no that's unhealthy'' and trying to be more social instead #we've also gotten into the habit of going ''I need to do this so future me will have an easier time'' #and then when we realise we did something earlier so we don't have to worry about it now we say thank you to our past selves for it #and that's kinda nice. like oh past me did this task so I don't have to do it now. that's very nice of hir

[lil-cherubb]

I made 2 crochet snowflakes today as Christmas tree ornaments for my mom. Kinda sad I didn't work on the amigurumi stuff but I mean bro I'm getting fucked in the ass by school rn so ill just be a bit sad I'm not gonna be hard on myself

#I keep having my moments of like “I'm never going to get anything done at this rate” and then I'm like #wake up you stupid bitch its the middle of October you have until end of December!!!!!!! #literally I'm so hard on myself about it :( #I'm doing good and I'm actually motivated to be crocheting for once #I do need to find a newer pattern to make for my dad tho #I might make three things. but prob two for my dad #bc I'm making two for my sis #and one for my mom + blanket for my mom #and two for my grandma #And then I'm trying to finish a couple projects I have in the works for myself so I can like #make myself Christmas presents lol #and have them all done so I can open the presents and show them to everyone #Which by that I mean my knit blanket and POSSIBLY MAYBE A CARDIGAN #bc I got some new yarn and I rlly rlly wanna make a cardi with it :)) a knit cardigan specifically #Anyways gn I'm just ranting in the tags now lol

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#god. do u ever just look out at a landscape and think: there are layers and layers of history buried under that strip of sidewalk #creatures lived and died and lived and died and changed morphologically like a meandering river. into the sea back onto land #diverging and convering evolution. building changes through ever branching phylogeny. its crazy. literally unfathomable #it's so painfully clear rn that my astrobiolological interests are entangled in understanding how life works. i want to know the tiny #details. i want to look at traits across different branches within a phylum and understand where differences creep in and what we can learn #about the past from the present. i want. i want. i want a project where it doesnt feel like im bleeding myself dry. i want to produce data #that doesnt feel like its a symptom of a disease. i want to cultivate knowledge out of love. not in an effort to drown myself. not out of #some frantic Compulsion. i want to look up at the stars and not feel the weight of all the time i have to keep moving when im never going #fast enough. exhausting. but here i am again. spiralling. bc i spent all day drawing not reading even tho i was learning thru audio all day #slacker. an excuse. irrational. im self aware! and yet that doesn't seem to make things easier. never relaxed. always guilty. #sigh... my dad txted me that he missed me today. theyre up on that lake brimming with fossils and dead fish and broken glass. i wish i was #there too. watching fireflies and crawling around for algae and lichens. anyway i digress... i should find a phd project i say for the #thousandth time. maybe ill have the motivation now. maybe ive recovered enough i say like i didnt spontaneous burst into hysterical tears #Friday morning for no descenable reason. maybe. maybe. youll never kno if u dont try #unrelated

[bfdifan26]

burner fear garden

#rosey is the murderer and it’s brought on by a string of events that involve #the recovery cube disappearing for unknown reasons and that putting everyone on edge #rosey experiencing nightmares because of this #her stumbling upon an undiscovered entrance to the cave and finding a beautiful area inside it thats lit up by unknown crystals #bugs and plants etc #and finally her finding spraypaints knife on the ground #the first victim would be either hanger or limey or playdoh. or maybe she’d save him for last or something #and at first she’d think that record would be one of the easier kills but she tries it and in like a split second she sees a flash of purple #next thing she knows she’s slammed into the wall like on the other side of the room and she’s like Oh shit #and the whole time its a rush because rosey Knows the recovery cube is gonna be back eventually at any moment #and she Knows that it punishes contestants #pilly is the one who stresses out over trying to solve the murders #dependibg on how early limeys killed off that could be his main motivation #hanger if she isn’t killed for the majority of the thing would play the role of coiny but /p #OR peanut since he also has a relatively good relationship with rosey #it would also be way harder for rosey to actually do since the realm is a very open area #like if she went into a specific room to kill she’d still have to go through all the others to get back and go to the cave #also daddy long legs wouldn’t do anything i imagine. hes already intimated by small things in canon so i cant even imagine how he’d handle #something like this #but also rosey HAS to keep him alive bc if he dies then. its gonna be like hfj one all over again am i right guys #odiespeak #burner

[yuyu-bubu]

little peek at my current work in progress..

its gijinka time baby >:)

#Tumblr user valerie yuyu-bubu actually posts art for once??? not clickbait??? #kirby #lawl lite #its more than just kirby btw #and fluff.... #you all should know by now that i shoehorn him into everything i draw #but im designing quite a few characters at the moment!! #mostly because i like drawing pretty outfits and i need to motivate myself into learning anatomy #god looking up style inspiration for the gay little outfits im going to shove all these characters into was so fun #especially since i chose a specific aesthetic that unifies them all #trying to find a way to incorporate elements of that while also keeping the personal vibes of the characters themselves was really fun #i love fashion and i love kirby #combine those together and you get motivation to actually start drawing again #yuyu thoughts not clickbait