#anyway sorry for all the personal info

[bettsfic]

oof sorry for your arboreal crisis, hope all is well soon!

thanks, i appreciate it!

minor update: my mom's husband broke his nose, wrist, arm, and hip, and is having multiple surgeries tomorrow. upon finding out this news (my mom, sister, grandma, and i were on a group call), my sister said, "if he'd broken one more bone he would have gotten his next surgery free." when we figured out he was trimming a tree on a ladder without any safety gear whatsoever, my grandma said, "should we start advertising his tree services?" then, when my grandma asked why he would be so stupid to do something he has no experience doing, my mom said, "oh, he's trimmed dozens of trees. he's just gotten injured every single time."

so, yeah, it's awful but he's well enough my family is roasting him at least. and my mom is so pissed that she's insisting on having my birthday party no matter what. i've done my annual birthday viewing of cool hand luke and i had a good sandwich, so even if tomorrow goes awry, i got my usual birthday stuff checked off the list already.

#i don't mean that to sound self absorbed #i just cannot emphasize enough this guy is just a guy to me #he's been in my family ten years and i barely know him #he's a republican evangelist and trump supporter #but ironically he treats my mom better than my dad ever did #who was as left-wing cop-hating anti-establishment as you could get #which is #you know #weird #anyway sorry for all the personal info #working on posting lemon now! #ps when i say birthday party #i mean i go to my grandma's house and hang out with my family #we eat ice cream cake and talk

[not-poignant]

Recently I was passively listening to something about D&D lore and it mentioned that wielding hellfire is very difficult and can drain the user’s vitality or something like that. I thought about Astarion in Palmarosa wondering if the hellfire ritual was taxing for Raphael.

I don’t remember which edition of the game it was talking about or where I heard it because I was multitasking. I was just wondering if that was the case in your story and if it was the reason Raphael seems kinda spent and in need of a long rest. Did he use the last of his strength and/or non-cantrip magic for the day to protect Astarion?

It’s also cool if you don’t want to answer that/give anything away. I was just curious about the lore in this story and figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask. Thank you for such an enjoyable story and hope you are doing well!

Hi anon,

Tbh I don't really see wielding hellfire as being that taxing for Raphael comparatively with other fiends because his father is the unrivaled master of hellfire, and is known as the Lord of Hellfire, and no way did Raphael grow up without a decent amount of mastery at it.

That doesn't mean using it doesn't tax him, it's just... not really comparable, because most fiends were not birthed by, and then raised by, the most adept devil re: hellfire in Ba'ator.

That being said I don't really know all the different versions of lore etc. and I'm not really thinking about cantrips or anything. I think Raphael's tired because he was doing a whole bunch of stuff before he even returned back to see Astarion under one of Verillius' curses, and is moving quickly / on not much energy because he's a true cambion again and doesn't have the energy reservoirs of an ascended pit fiend behind him like he used to.

Generally speaking you can assume that aside from BG3, and some research here and there, I don't actually know much at all about D&D and am just writing fanfiction for fun and so making a lot of stuff up as I go! A lot of the lore in the story will be 'cuz I felt like it' (such as who is staffing Mephistar, and the layout) and then the rest is 'because BG3 said this happened / there's dialogue supporting this' and 'blue Mephistopheles is hotter than red Mephistopheles imho' dsalfksa

But yeah, Mephistopheles is the Lord of Hellfire! Mephistar is made of ice and yet perpetually warm because of hellfire, and even Raphael uses it fairly casually for things like locking and unlocking his vaults (in the story), because even he knows how much it taxes other fiends to use it. Imho that ritual was taxing less because of the hellfire (which he has casually summoned around Astarion in the past) and more because of the intensity of the ritual itself and the fact that he didn't really want to kill Astarion in the process.

I think my dude's just really tired tbh

#asks and answers #palmarosa #thespectaclesofthor #bg3 raphael #by 'i don't really know all the different versions of lore' i really mean #i just researched what was personally interesting to me #and ignored everything else #and also most of this stuff isn't online anyway #because it's all copyrighted #so even the wikipedia is very sparing re: it's info and #i have already paid for the game and cannot afford to pay for #worldbuilding materials when i can just make up my own sdlkfjdas #i'm sorry anon you have encountered a lazy author T.T

[eliza-makepeace]

it seems to me like eldest tries really hard to make it seem like arya has a lot of personality and complexity as a character and frankly it's not really working imho. like. there's a scene that really frustrates me. where we're told that she and eragon sit and talk about their families, their lives and whatnot, but that dialogue just. doesn't exist. how the hell am i supposed to see her as something other than a clear attempt from paolini to create "ideal woman who is so perfect and wonderful and yet will eventually fall for our protagonist"? give her some depth! make it make sense to me that eragon would be interested in her, aside from the fact that she's oh so beautiful. paolini makes him literally say to her that he cares about his friendship with her, but tbh i don't think any of us do either because their friendship has never been properly developed. most of the time it's eragon's inner monologue going "wow she's so pretty and wonderful and has such stealth and her figure and her hair and omg she'd never be with me :(" and her being mean to the dwarves or smth.

#fes rereads eldest #yea i'm sorry the way arya is written infuriates me #nasuada is allowed to be her own person as a character in a way that arya is not #and that's the tea #and tbh i kinda like that murtagh is all like 'oh she's just so clever and elegant' it feels like he's actually adding info #every time eragon starts praising arya on the other hand i'm a bit skeptical tbh #and i'm not the biggest murtagh and nasuada fan myself #i've accepted that's where we're going tho #but the whole arya thing... hopefully she'll get a bit more depth in brisingr... i think she did but i don't remember #she seems to me like the kinda character a teenage boy would write about as a 'fantasy' thing #oh....wait....hold on a minute.... #i also just find the elves really pretentious and i can't really stand their holier-than-thou attitude #and arya has that all over #its clear to me paolini wanted to make the elves just wiser and more knowledgeable than anyone else #but he accidentally made them into self-righteous hypocrites #shit this post has turned into elf-slander #sorry :) #maybe i'll write a proper elf-slander post at some point #i think someone already wrote one that was absolutely wonderful and accurate but i can't really remembmer #anyway

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ever sit like a corpse in your own body? #im doing a job i wasnt designed for. theres this funny thing we do in academia where we beg for money. write in consise phrasing why we #deserve funding. what it is about our project what it is about our personhood that makes us deserving. what we're doing in our present to #give back and ensure a better future. and i can pull together a description of a nervous kid who couldn't read but loved to learn anyway. #who didnt kno how to hold proper a conversation until college and so tried and got better at ppl. who wouldnt let a language problem get in #the way of information gain. who cares about making complicated info visually digestible. and that's a nice story. but it falls apart when #projected into the future. what r u doing for the future? im just trying to continue existing #dont u want to help other ppl like u? sure but i dont have anything nice to say to them. does it ever get easier? no. it probably never will #ur brain was not built for reading. sometimes things r just terrible and u have to accept that. develop a crippling mental disorder or do #something where u dont have to read. see. not helpful. bad attitude. im just too full of blood and broken glass. all my achievements r #stained red and it hurts to look at them. to get myself to function i have to squeeze so tight i can feel the strain in my head. and even #then its not enough. do u kno what its like to spend ur whole life building something only to watch it burn to ashes in front of u? just a #broken machine rotting away underground where no one will see it. but dont let things fester. speak up if somethings wrong. and say what? #lmao i wrote this last night and then today when my advisor was like: hows it going? do u feel like u have enough time to get everything #done? and i had the gall to be like *voice strained high to prevent crying* its alright i think ive got enough time. bc yea technically i #think there r enough hours in yhr day that if i really tried i could get it all done. but that doesn't count the time i spend laying with #thr absolute desolation of my mind. so no. there isnt enough time bc im not doing well. but there's nothing he can do abt it so ya kno #whats the point in talking abt it except to say ya sorry im such a wretched miserable person. i dont kno how to fix it. my enthusiasm is #hidden under layer upon layer of pain. i burnef out before even getting here and im only making it worse #but whatever ill see my therapist Tuesday #unrelated

[flovverworks]

after a billion yrs i added a lil line about my gbf verse.....<3 one day i might flesh it out to something in-universe, but since gbf is so "oh ure from another world? ya that happens..." i....am gonna keep w that..........(also cuz i do think discussing the different ways of magic, moon-enemy & this n that is more fun like this

#stardust speaking ! #i do wanna write but im unsure when ill do so #anyway i need to talk abut that one 1.5 moment with that weird car horn sfx after murrs fancy speech cuz i #was thinking about it again due to one of the descriptions in the alterego event #i still didnt check the website btw is it available info why snows adult and whites a kid or is that a waiting game cuz #that..... #sometimes when i think abuot paradoxroid i think about them. that one was fkd up #snow&white r so fascinating to me #snow & white & figaro & oz are even more fascinating #oz who only started learning abut the world because arthur asked things about the world................. #oz who made arthur pancakes................................. #they make me ill. figaro feels like he should be the most welladapted cuz in some ways he IS. guy who lies about his power and age and love #humans and that one offhand line in 2nd anni about how he has cared for kids!??!? dude i need to reread 2nd anni did that ever get brought #up again #but figaro & love is................guy who leaves when he thinks he isnt loved anymore #<-guy who was taught by snow&white who valued e/o the most #2nd anni makes me lose my mind. figaro and fausts convo. both who felt like it was the other who left LIKE FIGAROS SURPRISE WAS UNREEEAAALL #somethings deeply wrong with him i am so intrigued #i need to go reread his pt2 parts like what the actual hell dude #the mental gymnastics he does in one part is ? id like to study u and the twins under a microscope #this is all shallowly/casually speaking about it btw theres a lot of things left&right about all of these topics that makes them very yummy #i think what gets me the most about pt2 is that a lot of it is things that we alrdy knew regarding characters feelings etc. such as figaro #but seeing them say it themself makes me faint #OH MY GOOODDDDDD THE FLASHBACK CONVO WITH OZ AND FIGARO? ABOUT WOULD U SAVE THE PERSON U LOVE OR THE WORLD #AND HOW FIGARO ENDS UP FALTERING DEAR LOOOOORRRDDDDDDDDDDDDD #fucked up family (affectionate) #i need to think of modern aus again i thought about arthur calling snow & white granpa for one second and everything hrut #ok im sorry i dont know what possessed me. i promise ill be rereading stuff soon #one more thing. fausts part in pt2. god. but in this cursed world the sage trusted me...

[piplupod]

yet again i am trying to figure out how much to tell the counselor/therapist about how bad things are getting bc the considerations i must take into account include:

1) will i be put into the psych ward for this, and

2) will telling a professional actually help me, what kind of help would actually be available for this, and

3) are they going to give me more medications that don't actually address or fix the root of the problem while still giving me awful side effects that I'm just supposed to deal with and hopefully not end up in the hospital for

#i am going to try to not be around much on here but djfjdkdl that never happens for very long #on one hand i need to not be online bc it's fucking w my head a lot and im teetering close to an actual Episode #but on the other hand. i have no other sources of socializing other than the dbt group once a week #and socializing helps anchor me in reality but. it has to happen online. which fucks w my head bc im just holding this magic little device #and having to trust that theres an actual real person on the other side and that its not all just some made up program I'm talking to #esp w how ai is rn. even video chats could be made up!! i don't know!!! #but honestly even in person im getting a bad feeling like everyone is fake and im making this all up. so. ha. goody goody great for me :))) #also i am really sorry for staying so quiet about current events but i am struggling to avoid this possible psychotic episode #if i can get my shit under control then i will be looking into things more and helping spread info !!! #I'm just really struggling to keep my head firmly in reality rn and maybe that's not a good enough reason idk #but i just... really want to avoid being put into the psych ward or my parents catching wind of me having these reality issues fjfkdl #anyways wah wah poor me I know sorry. i promise i am trying to look at things when i can. hopefully i can engage soon #paranoia tw #delusions tw

[cereusblue]

Hey yall, happy reminder that if your doctor/therapist/psychiatrist treats you like shit? Drop em. Like dead fucking weight. There's a difference between them telling you some hard to swallow information and them being a straight up asshole. Take care of yourself. I know it can be hard to distinguish between hard to swallow information and them being rude, and if you're having a hard time with it then maybe attempt to reach out to them and see how they respond. If they double down and do not take your feelings into consideration, dump em. If they seem apologetic and want to understand and help you feel more comfortable about the information you were given? Then hang on, you may have misconstrued some words. There ARE doctors who care and want to help you. The medical field isn't wholly evil, I promise. I work in it too, I know there's some rules we can't bend and some things we have to do but.. All in all, it's all about giving patients the care they need to live a better life. Please, please take care of yourselves out there. When it comes to your mental health, the only one who can truly take the best care of you is yourself. In the sense that you have to make the decisions to make changes, take leaps, and ask for help. Be good to yourself 💙

#i just finished a virtual appt where my dr would roll her head back and smile incredulously any time i didnt have all the info she wanted #because said info is 7+ or 20 years old and i no longer have it #she was very cold and unfeeling the entire time and had no tact in going about very sensitive information #i took 40 minutes to calm down after she ended my session 20 minutes early #called the company and reported her ass for unprofessional behavior #i described everything to the scheduler in more detail #and even she was like #oh my god im so sorry! #immediately was pulled from that persons schedule and added to someone else as well as not charged for the shit visit i just had #thats not the rule for all places but it was the rule for this one #she was just very sweet in helping me get my stuff changed #take care of yourselves #the person who can take the best care of yourself is you #at least when it comes to your mental well being #anyway im rambling #have a good day everyone

[quickhacked]

favorite moments from last chapter under the cut because i need to talk about it or i'll explode. sorry i need attention hiiii

#1): panam and vincent banter. they're besties and i keep forgetting about it because i didn't write about the in-game events a lot #but oooghfh they're such good friends and i love the way they talk to each other and i need to write more about them fr #2): heist parallels. any mention of jackie and t-bug makes me insane because at this point in time it's been a year since they died #3): vitali once again needing to make tough decisions. it's worse because it's also the wrong decision but. this alone is already ouch #he's trying so hard to make the right decisions but nothing works out for him :)))) a #4): american accent vitali because he has a special place in my heart <3 SGHFJGHDFGDHJ #vincent has southern roots and sometimes his accent will shine through a bit and vitali can perfectly mimic it. important info #5): >:) the man himself. hiiii <3 sorry i'm allowed to be a freak about him i know more than all of you #6): >:) vitali should burn things actually. might make him do that #7) + 8): very cinematic bits that i cannot explain to you. the Vibes. it's about the Vibes scoob #9): yeah. [gestures vaguely] yeah #something changed alright. things are happening #anyway hiiii i'm normal about this chapter i swear. so normal #gonna be even more insane about next one possibly. who knows #sorry in advance but again. i'm in the need of attention i'm like a cat. an annoying one #personal

[jigencaps]

#jigen #lupin #goemon #pink jacket #iii31 #hi im gonna tell a story because i love talking about myself so this is a great opportunity to share personal info on the internet #so if u read my tags u may know that this is my last semester of undergrad. this week is finals week and my commencement is on sunday #and tomorrow actually its probably today since im queueing this #so thursday im gonna get lunch on campus for the last time ever w my bf and im sad because our little cafe closed :( #before we were dating he knew i would get breakfast there before class so he would LEAVE HIS CLASS EARLY SO HE COULD BE THERE BEFORE I WAS #just so he could hang out w me #i understand how this might come off as stalkerish but it was very sweet and it worked it just took like. two years after he did that #my go to order was an egg and cheese breakfast sandwich on a bagel and i would get a chocolate chip cookie with it <3 #and i always had more money left to use on my mealswipe so i would get him hashbrowns #we literally dated for two years before we started dating <3 #sorry i love him and i love talking about him and also me #anyway. i may or may not cry on campus thinking of eating my greasy breakfast sandwich and cookie by the window seat #if you read all of this i applaud you for making it through and i wish you well #for you astrology bitches i am a leo sun aquarius moon and cancer rising i believe you can see all three of them in action in this mess

[orcelito]

Also me loosely researching the classical music industry in japan and finding some westerner getting ripped to SHREDS in some reddit post. I was legit reading this comment aloud to my coworker bc I was aghast at how brutal they were being (but also kinda amused bc they were. Kind of right.)

#speculation nation #i say loosely researching bc im not going for 100% realism in my self indulgent band au fanfic #but i still wanna have an idea of what the real life music industry looks like #the original asker was someone who was like 'i wanna combine my dreams of being a professional musician & living in japan. any tips?' #tho like much longer than that. talking about the plan they were thinking of and all that shit #there were ppl who were like 'literally Why Japan'(bc of anime probably) #& then the brutal reply from someone living in japan that tore INTO it #one of the biggest things being that Most people in professional orchestras in japan are japanese. for several reasons #like paying for visas not being smth the orchestras would wanna do. just easier to keep with ppl from japan #this response detailing how they could Possibly go about this if they were legit serious #but then being like 'but thats not why you want to do this is it?' & calling out the weird glorification of japanese culture #and i was just like Dammnnnnnnn #me and the employee both being old anime fans who are learning japanese for the enjoyment of it #but neither of us having any illusions about japan being the end all be all & thus wanting to Move There #id love to visit someday but i dont want to Move There. it's apparently pretty hostile towards foreigners overall anyways #but yeah i almost felt bad for this person. but Also. this response gave me some very useful info for my research #like yes sorry OP that u just got murdered. but this person just supplied the info i was looking for so Hell yes

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

that's another thing though, isn't it? because i can go on and on about how he's dating someone who's been a fan of him for years and how fucked up that is and no one will listen but we (meaning the human collective) have just barely learned that some relationship dynamics are fucked up despite the ages of the participants. when one of those vine sauce boys was just having one night stands with his fans people were uproariously angry... and that's not AS bad for various reasons but still bad in a way that is now being ignored. it is never okay to take advantage of your status as a content creator to enter into any type of relation/situationship with someone, especially when you're as popular as He is. however, i'm aware relationships have certain contexts and, as an outsider, you can't and *shouldn't* try to come up with that context that you'll never know for sure... BUT, as i've said a billion times in the last year or so, knowing that someone has been watching you and a fan of you for a majority of your career should AT THE VERY LEAST make you step back and question whether or not to pursue a relationship with them. if at all.

#i can't help but be negative about their relationship not because i am a schizo nutjob but because of all of the information i've found out #about her and her past relationships. I DID NOT HAVE TO DIG DEEP TO FIND THIS INFO BTW i didn't stalk anyone but abt half a year ago a few #anonymous ppl came out and said some very eye-opening shit about her... i did try to inquire further and maybe prod and see if at least one #of them was lying but they never responded. perhaps all of the 3 ppl who had stories abt her were lying and perhaps none of them were #either way idk what they hoped to gain about coming out with their info anyways except for maybe just. finally having a reason to say it? #because they know she's dating a popular content creator idk. like i said you should take that all woth a grain of salt even though #at least SOME of that information has been proven. anyways none of that matters honestly she could be the best person ever who cares #the point i'm trying to make here is that jeremy should be disappointing people by doing this but the percentage of people who were #bothered by this doesn't add up with the current amount of sjw tumblrinas in his audience. i honestly wish all of his old 4chan misogynist #fans came back but that bridge has been burned LMFAOOOO honestly i wish i could just get over him and his stupid bullshit but i can't for #whatever reason. i'm sorry for always going on and on abt it when i half of you still adore him and want me dead everytime i talk abt this #and the other half could not give a single fuck less but. yeah. that's all i have to say really

[ieropski]

i kinda didnt wanna buy an electric guitar until i was like fairly okay at guitar but guitar center has some big sale going on right now and im like ... 😳

#i guess i just dont wanna be in like the situation where i spend hundreds of dollars on a guitar and then i stop playing it #unfortunately its the kind of person i am #which is why the tag is #wazo guitar journey take 2 #like ive tried to learn guitar before and bailed on it #i also dont wanna like. have guitars for vanity ...??? if that makes sense #i do not know how to explain this #actually i think its fine to be a casual player and have a few because they're nice #you can be the worst player in the world but enjoy playing it. and id be like yes girl (gn) own a billion guitars #no different from like. having a ton of sneakers so long as you wear them every now and then #im a staunch 'if you buy it you should enjoy it' believer #but like i dont want to own guitars and never play them you get me??? #i would like this to be a decades-long hobby for me #the problem which ive talked about before. is that i suck at sucking at things #anyways. #all this to say guitars are sexy and cheap right now #when i say sexy i mean like a guitar is a beautiful cool looking object #well. cheaper than usual i mean. #that was a lot of info that made no sense sorry #again. mute wazo guitar journey take 2 if you'd like #i like that most guitar buying guides are like 'start with the shape. you will become biased towards shapes and fall in love with shapes.' #instead of like 'this brand is xyz better in abc ways.' #anyways im thinking that les paul and jazzmaster and jaguar all look nice. sg's are hideous sorry. #edit: im gonna talk some more #i think im like set on this 'i have to be good at acoustic before electric' mindset become it seems more 'correct.' like how youre supposed #to read the book before watching the movie. but idk that that really applies to guitar? like most amazing guitarists today prob cant read #musical notation. which might seem 'correct' but who tf cares. if youre able to learn from tabs and youtube videos and sound amazing #much love to classical guitar (capricho arabe my beloved white whale) but my end goal here is to play the woody the woodpecker laugh LOL #sorry if ive been rude (?) here to acoustic/electric/classical/self-taught/lessons-believers alike. i just think its all pretty sick #also not saying any of those are mutually exclusive.

[theoretical-tactician]

Posting a quick life update here since I know my circumstances have been keeping me from being active on my blog and will continue to do so.

Baaically, I’ve been enjoying my time teaching and have been pretty busy. Combine that with plans for getting top surgery and a cancer scare and I haven’t really had time to be here. And I likely won’t be too active anytime in the future as my whole cancer scare is on-going (I have a rare tumor type that’s fast growing and can become cancerous at any time). So, yeah, might not be too active for some time. I’ll respond to asks and mentions, but might otherwise be gone.

#personal #mmmmmm gotta love my family’s genetics fucking over the women #but there are some good things coming from this #like my doctor taking in the info that i want top surgery and needing to remove the tumor #and just #suggesting and working towards trying to have a two in one procedure #so i recover from a tumor removal and top surgery at the same time #anyways #sorry for the info dump #just wanted y’all to know why i’ve been so quiet and all #and so y’all are aware of my situation in case i up and stop posting entirely

[autism-corner]

no one gets it like i do.

#wrong take. banned. #its like people forgot about the first game and threw all that info out <3 #characters are only allowed one trait what do you mean :)) (<- stupid dumbfuck person) #im sorry im pissed because. that is so clearly not the case. please. #i will not tell you what this is about. that would be mean. but. cmon. #(<- guy getting upset about a singular post he saw)(<- me) #augh. #i just dont get it. how can you be SO wrong. #anyway this is not what its about but i also saw lucifer's apparent mbti classify him as an extrovert??? #im sorry? did we play the same game?????? #someone please explain. #listen. i do not like lucifer. but even i can see that hes not a fucking extrovert?? what agenda are you pushing on him??? #i. no. #i shant. #augh. suffering. #sillyposting

[satoruxx]

pairing: gojo satoru x reader summary: bestfriend!satoru has returned, fluff, pining, slightly angsty bc of pining, simp satoru hehe, oblivious reader is back again, satoru loves you !! rheya's note: continuation to this drabble bc bestfriend!satoru is everything to me !!

bestfriend!satoru who insists that you have him on speed dial because "he's the most important person in your life" but really it just satisfies him to know that he's the first one you'd call if you needed anything.

bestfriend!satoru who started off being a bit of an ass when you first met. not because he was trying to be but because he's got an ego and doesn't know how to control it, until you call him out for his shit and it sends his heartbeat all out of wack.

bestfriend!satoru who doesn't trust anyone else around you. it's not out of concern or anything, oh no. but in his expert opinion only him and the people he trusts (like suguru, shoko, or nanami) should ever get within six feet of you.

bestfriend!satoru who waits outside every class for you, leaning against the wall with a bag of your favorite snacks in his hand, glasses perched low on his nose. the smile that crawls onto his face as you walk out of the classroom and join him is practically blinding.

bestfriend!satoru who grows older thinking of nothing but you. the person most important to him, the person he would move galaxies for. and no, it's not romantic or anything. he's just your best friend.

bestfriend!satoru who realizes that he's not the only one in the world who knows that you're attractive, and has to clench his fists with a scowl as he sees other men noticing you. then he has to stop and check himself because, why on earth is he mad about it?

bestfriend!satoru who starts openly staring at you because he can't even control it anymore, eyes soft and overflowing affection as he watches you indulge in silly mundane tasks. and when you turn and catch him looking all he can do is give you a dreamy little smile. he's got no excuses but he's gonna play it off like it's something you shouldn't worry about anyway.

bestfriend!satoru who makes you his number one priority, who doesn't care about anyone else when you're in front of him. and even if you aren't around, he can't bring himself to look at anyone else. if someone comes up to him on the street, mumbling something about how he's their type and they'd like his contact info, all he does is give them a breezy wave, saying "sorry. i got someone waiting for me."

bestfriend!satoru who, when you're trying to explain something and someone speaks over you, gives you a resolute "no i'm listening." and doesn't take his eyes away from you until you've said all that you needed to. don't ever think that nobody is listening to you because you always have his attention.

bestfriend!satoru who grits his teeth as you tell him about another unsuccessful date with a man who didn't even know how to treat you right. and how could they, when they don't even know how you like your coffee or what side of the bed you prefer to sleep on? they don't know what your favorite movie snack is or about your obsession with plants or your most precious pair of fluffy socks. not the way he does.

bestfriend!satoru who has to hold himself back during your ranting, who has to keep himself from just letting go and spilling that you weren't going to find someone who loved you more than he did. to stop himself from leaning down and kissing you so hard it takes your breath away, because he's wanted to do it since he was sixteen. he was just too stupid to understand it back then.

bestfriend!satoru who chooses to wait instead, knowing that he'll be stuck with these feelings for the rest of his life, so he'd rather wait for you. because he'd hate himself if he made you uncomfortable, and if he lost the relationship he had with you now over his silly little heart. no instead, he'll keep proving himself, staying by your side and showing you even just of fraction of the devotion he knows he has for you, if it means that you'll be by his side. and hoping that one day, maybe, you'd tell him you feel the same.

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