#anyways ill stop procrastinating and get back to work </3 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

2manyfandoms2count · 3 years

Text

I love you (not) - Chapter 3

@marichatmay's prompt for today was "dirt", which legally requires Chat to eat dirt, right? Anyway, that happens. His brain is a little distracted, you see. Hope you enjoy!

First | Previous | AO3 | Next

---

Chapter 3: In which the universe might not be working against Chat breaking up with Marinette, but the author sure is

This has gone too far , Chat thought as he marched determinedly towards Marinette’s skylight. However fun lunch at her parents, and then their little movie hangout had been, he couldn’t let this… “relationship” go any further. His speech had been stalled enough, by a whole week and a half, and not entirely because of him; sure, he’d procrastinated it a little, but Nathalie and her zeal for filling his schedule were the main culprits, as well as a couple of ill-timed Akumas and last-minute Kitty section band practises. It was like the universe didn’t want their budding romance to end.

He pushed the thought aside. There was no romance between him and Marinette, or at least, not on his side. Which is why he needed to talk to her: he needed to prevent her from getting too invested in their relationship. She’d only end up getting hurt, and he would never forgive himself for it.

But what if she gets upset now ? A little voice piped up in his head. He came to a halt, and traced back his steps. Then you’ll be there to protect her from the butterflies , the reasonable part of his brain chimed in . He turned around and started walking again.

But what if that doesn’t work? Will you be able to fight with the knowledge that it was all your fault? The first voice nagged again. Yes, since I’ll be able to fix it. Ladybug and I will do what we usually do and save her.

He paced the balcony as the figurative angel and demon bickered on his shoulder, both making fairly good points as to why he should or should not break up with her.

It’s not a real relationship, just ghost her, she knows you have other stuff to do.

That wouldn’t be right and you know it.

What if this is a bad time, though?

But what if this is a good time?

His dilemma was so loud that he didn’t think about what it might have sounded like for Marinette, if she was in her room. His indecision was getting so infuriating that he stopped looking where he walked. Why was this so difficult?

What if you stopped being stupid and realised that you actually like her? The thought blindsided him, and not just because he could have sworn that it had been formulated in Plagg's voice. It caused him to miscalculate his next step, and before he knew it he was tripping on a potted plant.

Both him and it came crashing down with a loud thunk and a yelp, and he realised with horror, as he scrambled to his feet, that the plant it had contained not only had its roots out, but that it had landed right under him, and didn’t look too healthy.

“Crap…” He shot up and tried to repair his mistake, but soon realised the pot had broken in its fall.

He looked around him to see if there was a spare pot lying around, but failing to spot one, changed his strategy. He started pushing the earth into a neat pile to cover the roots and also to make sure the balcony didn’t look too messy. He wondered if there was a flower shop, or any shop where he could buy a replacement container nearby, and if maybe he could just pop out before anybody noticed, what on earth could he even do with all this-

“Chat Noir? What are you doing here?” Marinette had cautiously peeked out of her skylight when she’d heard the commotion, anticipating an Akuma and trying to figure out what to do if there was indeed one, and had pushed it all the way open when she’d realised who it was who’d been lurking on her roof.

Chat Noir panicked as he heard her voice, and did the only logical thing that came to his mind to get rid of the mess: he took the handful of earth he was holding, and shoved it in his mouth.

“No, Chat!!” Marinette voiced the thought that his brain deigned to formulate just as he tasted the dirt. His eyes widened and he spat it out, barely registering Marinette hopping out of her room and coming to pat him on the back to help him. “What on Earth were you thinking?”

“I don’t know,” he wheezed.

“Hang on, I’ll get you some water.” She disappeared through the trapdoor and was back before he could put his escape plan to action. It was just too embarrassing to stay.

He gargled the contents of the glass and spat it out, wincing at the... green taste that remained. There was no better adjective for it. He supposed it was well deserved.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, looking at his feet sheepishly.

“For what?” Marinette asked, before her eyes landed on the plant. The lack of pot and her frantic attempts to help him had destabilised it, and it lied horizontally again. The colour drained from her cheeks. “Oh. Uncle Wang’s Magnolia.”

Chat winced at her worried expression. “Can I do anything to help?”

“I think I might have a pot downstairs that I can replace it with. I just need to be discreet, if Maman finds out that it survived its journey from Shanghai, but that it couldn’t survive a day on my balcony…” Marinette nervously chewed on her bottom lip.

“She’d be rightfully annoyed.” Chat nodded. He felt his guilt pink his cheeks.

“Okay, here’s what we’re going to do…”

Chat Noir wasn’t sure involving him in a plan was a great idea after the mess he’d made, but he followed Marinette’s instructions nonetheless, anxious to repair his mistake.

“There.” Marinette rubbed the dirt off of her hands when they were done with a satisfied smile. There was still tension in her shoulders, though. “I think I might have to hide it a little for the next week or so, just so she doesn’t notice the wilted leaves, but it should be okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, don’t worry.” She relaxed a little as she saw his pleading eyes. “Anyway, you literally preferred to eat dirt rather than answer my questions, what brings you here?”

“Oh, erm, I needed to talk to you about, well, erm… us.” Chat twiddled his thumbs awkwardly.

Marinette froze. She’d looked out for Chat Noir during the days after their “date”, and had been relieved not to see him around. She’d prodded the topic slightly as Ladybug, and given his lack of response, she’d concluded that Chat had given up on their relationship, and had filed the whole ordeal in a “we’ll laugh about it someday” part of her brain. She’d thought that the next time she’d see him as a civilian, they’d be back to normal. She realised that she might have been a little too prompt in moving on.

Chat noticed his friend tense up again, and decided he couldn’t go through with his plan. Hey, I came to tell you that I don’t love you and that I’m breaking up with you - and by the way, I almost killed a plant that came from half a world away. Bye! Really didn’t sound so great.

“Us?” Marinette prompted.

“Yeah, us.” Chat shook away his thoughts. “I, er… Realised that I haven’t been in touch much recently, and I wanted to apologise.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve been really busy too, so, I understand.” Marinette smiled sweetly. It did sound like her kitty to not ghost a girl, and maybe this was the moment he would give her a little speech about how packed his superhero life was, and that he preferred not to keep her waiting and-

“Maybe we could get coffee sometime soon?” Chat blurted.

“Coffee?” She tilted her head, her smile tensing a little. What are you up to? The exit was right there!

“If you like coffee? Tea’s perfectly fine, too, or hot chocolate. Or a coke, or anything. My treat.” He patted her shoulder. Why do I sound so awkward? he cringed inside.

“I guess that would be nice.” Marinette blinked a couple of times. “Shall we set a date now, or…”

“Yes! A date! That’s it! The day after tomorrow? 5pm?” I need to calm down, Chat smiled tightly.

“That works for me.” Marinette eyed her partner cautiously. He seemed overly excited. Had there been something in the earth? Should she call some kind of medical service? “Did you have a place in mind?...”

Chat Noir paused. He didn’t go out enough to be able to recommend a café off the top of his head.

Marinette saw his hesitation, decided he was probably more flustered than poisoned, and decided she should probably help him out with his invitation. “I heard le café des chats was quite cute, it’s not too far away… If you’re not allergic to cats.” She added with a twinkle in her eye.

“That sounds purr-fect!” Chat grinned. “Right, so now that we’ve got that settled, I guess I should go.”

“I guess so.” Marinette smiled. “See you soon, then?”

“Yep, later, Princess! And sorry again about the Magnolia.”

She waved his concern away and then leaned on her balcony railing to watch him vault away. Her smile fell when he’d disappeared from her sight, and she realised what she’d just agreed to.

A real date. In a café. With Chat Noir.

This is going too far, she thought as she hid her face in her hands.

#how embarrassing it appears i've written the title wrong on these posts #marichat may 2021 #marichat may #miraculous ladybug #the miraculous tales of ladybug and cat noir #ml #miraculous fanfiction #miraculous fanfic #marichat #marinette dupain-cheng #chat noir #day 3: dirt #elle writes #love you (not)

34 notes · View notes

kvgehiras · 3 years

Note

waaaa i'm sure whatever you have typed up is great!! if you ever decide to post it, i'll look forward to it ♡

cough cough SO UM,,, ik this is oddly specific but i hope you don't mind aha .. a character of your choice with someone who has some important exams coming up soon, maybe?? i've like ... procrastinated like all of my work and slept through the entire few weeks before,, so i'm currently on the brink of eternal sleep (my fault, wholly, really) i don't mind who, just pick your favourite/s!!

thank you in advance!! qwq

hello again anon!! THANK U AAAA i might post it after the current event ends bcs im busy grinding lately lol but i will post it soon so i hope u like it ehe ;; as for ur schedule PLS SLEEP !!!! i do know the feeling off not doing any of ur work nd just resting but sometimes it's ok anon! studying when ur not feeling like it will only feel like a chore nd u probably wont be able to retain any of it. so study when u want to, bcs while exams r important, so r u hehe <3 anyways here r the charas!! wrote a lil scenario for mika, leo, nd rei!! hope u like it <3

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

KAGEHIRA MIKA

• mika overworks himself alot, mainly bcs he just wants to prove, to himself and others, that he is worthy of being a part of valkyrie

• but he still likes being a lil spoon when yall r cuddling (o˘◡˘o)

• while he is a powerful artist when hes on stage, he just melts when hes in ur arms yk!!!!

• so he doesnt mind it when lately u seem to be slacking off a bit more than usual bcs he gets more cuddles from u !!!!! #mika1stwin

• but when u suddenly stop out of nowhere nd even refuse to come out of ur room at times bcs uve procrastinated ur work too much nd if u do not finish going through ur material then ur doomed to fail nd oh lord-

• "(y/n)?"

• u look up at ur bf nd hes standing beside u- w his stuff in his hands.....?

• "ah ya see.....ya've been lookin' a lil stressed lately so i thought abt.....helpin' u like this! idk what is troublin' ya, but im here to always listen! :D"

• u break into a grin, one mika had missed so much, nd grab his cheeks to plant a kiss on his cheek

• nd still keeping ur hands where they are, u pull away to look at his bright red face

• "thank u mika... ill always be here for u too, ok?"

• nd he quickly nods, scared to meet ur eyes, esp bcs of the close proximity of ur faces rn

• what a lil baby

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

TSUKINAGA LEO

• leo is honestly the last person u want to see when ur trying to finish learning ur material,,,that too in a rush

• like!!!!! u love him u rlly do but this bitch will start doodling abt his inspiration nd all nd ur brain just cant focus yk

• that, nd also that if u dont give him Any attention At All he will literally wither away nd basically refuse to sleep nd WILL stare at u till u give him kissies (nd he alrdy doesnt sleep enough........ sigh)

• so when he wakes up in the middle of the night (the one night u managed to somehow get him to bed) nd doesnt see u in the room a part of him panics

• he quickly calls out for u nd when he hears u respond from the study room, he opens the door to see u slowly turn around from ur chair, tired, shoulders slumped over

• immediately rushing over, leo tightly wraps u in a hug, a hand running through ur hair

• "(Y/N)!!!!!!!!! WHERE WERE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I THOUGHT THE ALIENS KIDNAPPED U!!!!?!!???!!!!!!! DONT LEAVE ME AGAINNNNNN ｡･ﾟﾟ*(>д<)*ﾟﾟ･｡!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

• "leo it's 2 am.......nd also i didn't leave u, u know? im right here!"

• the exhaustion was very evident in ur voice, so much so that leo pulled away only to squint his eyes at u nd go "r u not ok? u sound tired ...... gasp r u DYING????????? NOOOOO U CANT DIE UR MY INSPIRATION!!!!!!!!"

• "leo thats v sweet nd while yes i Am dying im not leaving u it's ok"

• leo smiles, which turns into a grin, nd then he suddenly gasps again nd oh lord what idea is it this time

• "(y/n)!!!!! how abt i sleep here????????"

• ".....huh?"

• "YEA!!!!!! didn't u leave that room so u wouldn't disturb me?????? but im lonely so......ill just sleep on ur lap then, ok? ok! good nightttt!!!!!!!!"

• nd then he places his head on ur lap, the other half on his body relying on the chair he was previously sitting on for support

• while he isnt wrong abt the disturbance part.....he does look content here.......nd he does feel lonely so ......

• mayb u just gotta learn today what u can wing everything at this point...... it's gonna be ok . probably....?

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

SAKUMA REI

• unlike the other two, rei wouldn't even have to guess that ur not doing ok, he would just Know

• nd what does he do to help? flirt w u nd get u to let him teach u obv!

• he Knows it's not rlly teaching, nd so do u, but what can u do when he looks at u w those puppy eyes of his, nd says that he'll do anything nd everything in his power to always help u

• so when he does take in whatever u have to study he..... he realises he's Also bad at this

• good job rei rlly helps out a ton!

• anyways to make up for it, nd also stick w his promise to help u, he tells u to go through the material, nd explain it to him! he heard somewhere that it works bcs it forces u to rlly understand the concept instead of memorising it nd u think it should work

• but oh god how is it supposed to work when rei keeps looking at u w stars in his eyes, nd his hand suddenly grabs urs nd he circles his thumb on the back of ur hand nd IS HE FLIRTING IN THE MIDDLE OF A STUDY SESSION

• rei playfully quirks an eyebrow when he sees u get flustered nd just . lay ur head on the table w sigh nd just whine

• "REIIIIIIIII I HAVE TO STUDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

• he chuckles bcs he does realise what hes doing to u nd honestly he loves ur reactions so he keeps doing it

• "fufufu.....sorry love, i'll be quiet now. go on, do ur thing." (liar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ur too flirty for a study session!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

• tip : never keep him in the same room as u when u have work to do . keeps flirting . too much distraction .

• ratings : 200/10 . the additional 200 points is bcs hes too cute to say no....... god he rlly has u wrapped around his finger huh

29 notes · View notes

marauder-exe · 4 years

Text

Sweater- Remus Lupin

Request: Hey boo! Love your writing, and that prompt list? Aaaaamazing. Maybe you could do one with remus with 54,64 and 79 from prompt list #2?? If not that's totally cool, I Don't know, just got that idea last night:) Lots of loveee.

Prompts:

54. “Would it be all right if I borrowed your sweater? It smells like you.”

64. “Your bedhead is really cute”

79. “No, like…. It’s just, I can’t believe you’re actually wearing my clothes.”

Word count: 1.6K

You where so Absolutely, Undeniably, Indubitably tired. You had stayed up the previous night studying, and you had to pull n all nighter later tonight to study for a shitty potions exam, my god you hated N.E.W.T.S. The rest of your friends, the Marauders, Lily, Marlene, Dorcas, everyone had already studied and got an early night, while you procrastinated, so you had to cram the night before. This is hell, why do you do this? But you decided to take full advantage of the empty common room and decided to set up shop down their for the night. It was 10Pm, you where fresh faced, full from supper and have a cup of tea. How hard could Potions be to grasp?

It turns out very hard. All of the stuff that actually went into your brain just got muddled up, and it just wasn't going well. Your tea had been left to go cold, and the entirety of your notes had been spilled out over the common room table. It was getting chilly, and you needed some more tea anyway, so you decided to take a break. How you hadn't gotten colder earlier is a mystery, as you where wearing biker shorts and a tank top. You grabbed your cup, and stood up, when the cold sent a shiver down your spine and goosebumps rose on your skin. Then an idea popped into your head. Every day since you met him, Remus Lupin had worn the exact same, comfy looking, sweater, day in, day out. And to be honest, that's something you could use right now. You crept up the stairs, closer to the boys dorm, and quietly knocked on, you waited a few seconds, but there was no reply.

“Rem?” You whisper-shouted.

Then almost instantaneously, the door swung open, revealing none other than Remus Lupin, with no shirt, plaid pyjama pants and a book in his hand. Of course. He gave you a warm smile as he opened the door for you to step into the room. Man he looked so damn adorable in the low light.

“(Y/N)? What are you doing up, its like 2Am?” He gave a questioning look.

“I'm sorry, its what?” Since when did it get that late, you could've sworn you'd only started studying an hour ago. He nodded toward the clock on his night stand, which, in classic Remus fashion, was also drowned in old books and chocolate. You let out a quiet giggle.

“Guess the time just got away from me. I was wondering...” You chuckled nervously, why was it so damn hard to ask this man for a sweater. Right, he was Remus. “Would it be all right if I borrowed your sweater? It smells like you, and I could really use the comfort right now?” He just kinda stood there, jaw slack, fumbling over his words, trying to explain how much he would love to give you any sweater he owned, without sounding creepy of course.

“If you two are gonna shag, could you maybe do it quietly? I'm trying to sleep here” The grumbled voice of Sirius came from the end bed. Remus threw a pillow at him as you both blushed profusely.

“Yeah.” He said abruptly. “I mean yeah, of course you can, yeah, yeah, of course, yeah” He repeated, with a nervous laughter.

“So, can I borrow it?” You questioned sarcastically with a laugh.

“Yeah, ill go get it” He laughed lowly. He tried to be as smooth as he could but when you where around, he had the function of a paper plate. Trying to retrieve the jumper from his trunk, he slipped a few times, laughing and mumbling a quiet ‘sorry’. How can one man be so cute. He quickly jogged back over to you, about to hand you the sweater, when he stopped to admire your beauty for a second, your face lit by the candle light. Well what he thought to be a second but was more closer to a minute, being snapped out of his daydream by a quiet ‘Rem?’ Coming from you. God he loved that nickname. He laughed and apologised, handing you the sweater.

“Don't stay up too late though, love, you wont be able to focus if you have no sleep” he lectured. “You want some chocolate to take down with you?” You gratefully accepted his offer, marvelling at the mass amounts of chocolate he had. He gave you a variety. You knew he had given you his expensive chocolate he had gotten for his birthday. But you pretended not to notice and thanked him for the gesture with a kiss on the cheek as you quickly ushered out of the room. Scared if you stayed too long, you'd do something you regret. Of course, you left so quick, you just missed the deep blush that appeared on Remus’ face as he held a hand against his cheek where you had just kissed. He heard a low “Man, you are soooooo whipped” From Sirius, but just threw a pillow at him. He lay back down on his bed, dreaming of you.

After your sweater and chocolate exchange with Remus, you decided to duck back into the kitchens for some more tea. A quick caffeine top up is just what you needed. As you got back to the common room it was quickly approaching 2:30Am, You decided to get a few more hours of study done, but now in Remus’ comfy sweater. Obviously it was wayyy to comforting, because you ended up nodding off on the common room couch at 4Am, engulfed by the sweater and surrounded by the smell of Remus.

While you slept soundly downstairs, Remus looked up at his clock. 4:45Am. Sleep alluded him lately much to his chagrin. His dreams were usually filled to the brim with you, wondering what his life would be like if you two where together. But recently, he had been thinking about doing something about it, causing him some sleepless nights. He though you liked him, he was 90% sure, okay more like 60%. But the marauders had him convinced that she liked him back. Hell even lily knew that the Gryffindor princess was smitten for Werewolf Boy. He just wanted you to be his, and for him to not be a bumbling, stammering, blushing mess around you He lay in his own head space for about 45 minutes, until he realised you where still downstairs. He was worried you might work yourself to death at this rate. So he quietly shuffled out of his bed, making his way down the stairs. What he saw when he got down there was, perhaps, the one thing he’d want to see for the rest of his life. You where curled up around a pillow on the common room couch, Remus’ sweater drowning you. You where bathing in the Dawn sunlight, and you looked absolutely ethereal. He thought if there was heaven on earth this would be it. If there where big, cartoon heart eyes in real life, he’d definitely have them right bout now. He stood there staring at you, with his big, cartoon heart eyes for a solid five minutes, until you began to stir and wake up. He tried to busy himself looking over your papers and other miscellaneous things on the table.

“Hey, Remmy, not stealing my notes are you?” You giggled in your cute morning voice. He stood, frozen and slack jawed. How could one woman be so perfect? “Rem? Oh no, what's wrong? Is it my terrible bed head?” You panicked trying to flatted your crazed hair. He quickly shook himself from his daydream.

“No, its… Your bed head is cute” He mumbled lowly, you giggled. “Its just… I cant believe your wearing my clothes.”

“Well yeah, that was why I asked for it, it smells good” You breathed In the scent of his sweater, and Remus looked at you. Sat there, with a bed head, sleep deprived, having just woken up, still looking like an angel on earth. Why was he doing nothing about it? To hell if he was gonna let some douche get you before he could.

“Rem?” You questioned, blushing under his abnormally long stare. And before you knew it he had immediately rushed to you, his lips attaching to yours, passionate but hungry. He pulled away, his forehead resting against yours. “Ive been wanting to do that for a while” He laughs and you giggle. But you where cut short by a slow clap ensuing from behind you, you both turned to see Sirius on the staircase, classic smirk and everything. Remus was about to scold Sirius and warn him not to tell the boys but Sirius already knew it. “Don't worry. ‘Remmmmyyyy’” He said in a dreamy voice. “I wont tell the boys” Remus released breath and started counting down.

“3...2...1...” You furrowed your brows to question him, but it was soon answered by Sirius clamouring up the stairs screaming James’ name, probably about to tell him what just happened.

“Back in a sec, love” He said before rushing after Sirius, his werewolf traits no match for Sirius’ dog ones. You just stared after him, before shrinking down into the couch, sighing dreamily.

#Remus Lupin x reader #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin fanfic #remus lupin fanfiction #marauders masterlist #marauders #marauders era #marauder era

507 notes · View notes

fictropes · 3 years

Text

oh boy i sure did write many words in 2020

Hi! I am copying people due to i want to. This is a lil (well... 63) round up of all the fics I wrote this year! Cos i’m very evil @ myself and writing fic and think i’m either not doing enough, or not doing it good enough, so i wanna full list of what I actually did so I can see my own accomplishments and can maybe... clap 4 myself for once. And honestly writing has helped MASSIVELY with my depression so.. that’s a bonus.

ALSO. this is a big huge thankyou to everyone! I only joined here + started writing in august and you’ve all been so so nice and welcoming and supportive <333 ;_; and I know they say write for yourself... but honestly peoples comments and excitement about my stuff has just been really, really lovely and I would never have written this much without all of you cheering me on<3.

so here is a list of everything i’ve written, organised by length and everything, so if you find yourself bored over the holidays... have a lil browse. (Sorry if u are on mobile and this doesn’t show as a read more)

Chaptered:

Can we try again? series (M) Complete - 35k - “Yeah, Phil. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Dan answers, softer than he’d wanted because he already knows what he’s about to do next.(or Dan doesn't turn up in 2009 and bumps into Phil 11 years later at a youtube convention 2. I like cupcakes, especially the gay variety (M) Complete - 30k - Firstly, Dan was 29. How was that a mature student?Secondly, his actual book was on the university fucking syllabus.(or the one in which Dan tries university again in a desperate attempt to prolong his procrastination, and his lecturer Phil is apparently something of a fan) 3. 7 Letters series (M) Complete - 9k - Your penpal can be the person you live with, actually. 4. There's Beans in Here (T) Complete - 2k - Phil has his wisdom teeth removed; Phil says many questionable things. 5. Roadtrip (E) Complete - 8k - “Exactly. I am right, as always.”“As always.” Dan agrees.Series 6. night shift, please (E) Wip - 27k I PROMISE THIS WILL COME BACK IN 2021 - Ten years and he’ll never get over how early he has to get up sometimes. In all honesty he prefers the night shift. 7. Still Not Calling it Fate (M) Wip - 14k - It’s become a bit of a thing, a bit of a thing that everyone he crosses paths with takes the piss out of him for 8. when i met you, a blue rush began (M) Complete - 5k - They end up in a small restaurant overlooking the sea, everything here is so blue. The sky, the sea, Phil’s eyes, the shirt he’s wearing buttoned up all the way to the top. 9. Luggage Tags (E) Complete - 2.5k - Just because it looks like your suitcase, it doesn't necessarily mean that it is. 10. Demon in the sack (E) Complete - 2.5k - Dan’s leg jiggles beneath his desk, knee hitting the table as he tries to force himself to hang up and ring the number he was supposed to ring— he doesn’t, he can’t. Long ( for me) oneshots (3k+) 11. Electronics and the Phil's who break them (M) Complete - 9k - The first time’s an accident, a proper accident— a Phil forgot how to hold his cup and now he’s watching his coffee seep into his keyboard type accident. 12. A Letter of Specifics (T) Complete - 4k - You'll know it's your soulmate because no one else on earth could be doing what they're doing. 13. The Benefits of A Weak Floor (M) Complete - 4k - He quite literally falls through Dan’s ceiling. 14. 10:35 on a Thursday (E) Complete - 3.7k - He’s tapping his pen against the paper, acting as though he isn’t asking Phil to take a sex quiz at 10:35am on a Thursday morning. 15. 2009, catboys (T) Complete - 3.2k - “You have your own ears, can’t have four.”“Why?” 16. Wrong Room (T) Complete - 3k - “Congratulations!’’ And he was expecting to hear a cry, or at least his mother telling him to be quiet because a certain baby was sleeping. Instead he heard the deep clear of a throat, a rustling of sheets. 2k-3k oneshots 17. Dinner with a stranger (T) Complete - 2.5k - @amazingphl hi! second year of doing this, sooo if anyone has nowhere to go for Christmas dinner I am once again offering..my flat (and by extension me) ;oSeries 18. Easy Lover (M) Complete - 2.4k - ''Yeah. We're always fine.'' It was always fine. It was always easy, despite always behind hard. 19. Cold Season (M) Complete - 2k - Dan is ill, insatiable and another word beginning with I. 1k-2k oneshots 20. Morose men on rooftops (T) Complete - 1.9k - “Dunno, maybe chatting up morose men on roofs is my thing.” He laughs, and it’s a nice noise. 21. Love with tongues of fire (T) Complete - 1.7k - So when Dan waltzed into the room, declaring his hunger Phil thought nothing of it. Just another night for another takeaway. 22. Your Rocks are my Rocks (T) Complete - 1.7k - Phil wants a new rock for Norman, Dan wants a peaceful life. 23. Joint Content (M) Complete - 1.6k - It started of a as a joke— a Joint Content joke. 24. 24/7 Fantasies (M) Complete - 1.5k - He thinks about Dan 24/7, constantly in two separate fantasies 25. A Conversation in Multiple Hallways (T) Complete - 1.5k - You're still here then? 26. Sharing Space (T) Complete - 1.5k - It's 2010 and dan has had a day. 27. The Obvious (T) Complete - 1.5k - "Can I use that?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, already scrawling it beneath the only three words he currently has— I love you. 28. I'm Thinking of Ending Things (T) Complete - 1.5k - Dan hears half a conversation, jumps to one whole conclusion. 29. Love Language of the Tactile (T) Complete - 1.4k - “I’m just— that’s a hypothetical.” Dan leans in this time, takes the touches that Phil always so freely gives away. “Can’t kiss in secret rooms if I leave.” 30. Don't Let the Self-Doubt Ruin You (T) Complete - 1.3k - “I’m here.” “Yeah, you’re here.” 31. Conflict Resolution (T) Complete - 1.3k - Following recent events we’ve decided it best we take a combative approach to your current workplace issues, we have booked you into a conflict resolution class this Thursday afternoon - we will not be paying you to attend. 32. when it comes to love (i want a slow hand) (E) Complete - 1.2k - And there it is, the refusal of anything in return. This is just for Dan and it always will be. 33. You're Still The one (T) Complete - 1.1k - “What’re you thinking about?” “You.” 34. Teach Me, Dad. (T) Complete - 1k - "Do you think I could be the next Mozart?” 35. The Logistics of a Clone (M) Complete - 1k - “I don’t think that’s a clone, though, like maybe more of a Doppelgänger.” Dan doesn’t know why they’re delving so deep into this, why he’s so damn bothered about being right. “It’s just literally you.” 36. All's fair in Love and Monopoly (T) Complete - 1k - Phil does not play by the rules, Dan lets him win anyway. Under 1k oneshots 37. Hide out in your heart (E) Complete - 0.9k - The second time Dan comes to visit it’s different. 38. Oh, there you are. (G) Complete - 0.9k - So after all this, after everything, he doesn’t think anything of it when someone else slips into his dms. 39. The Boy has Attitude (T) Complete - 0.9k - “You didn’t tell me you looked like this.”“Like what?”“This!” Phil’s waving a physical copy of the magazine in his face— so that’s where he’d been. 40. Hairties (and how not to use them) (M) Complete - 0.8k - “Why would you do that? Let us settle in, nice and slow and— gently does it.” 41. The Second Apartment. (T) Complete - 0.8k - It’s a stop-gap apartment, a we’re going to get our forever home after this. 42. Japan, 2019. (G) Complete - 0.8k - NO summary, just an obviously I was going to write this after phil's post 43. Doting Man (T) Complete - 0.7k - They’re both drunk, Phil more so— definitely more so.Series 44. Imposter (T) Complete - 0.7k - Among us is.. a bastard. 45. Ratemyprofessors.com (M) Complete - 0.7k - ‘Maybe if that Phil bloke from the English dep he’s always staring at fucked him he’d stop being so uptight’ 46. Failed Attempts (T) Complete - 0.7k - Dan enlists the help of Phil for his latest Instagram. 47. Bonus Prize (M) Complete - 0.7k - Phil Trash Number One 48. Feels like home (G) Complete - 0.7k - Home is where the Phil is. 49. We can make Forever work (T) Complete - 0.7k - It’s a moment of realising forever may sound too much to people, but we’ll get through everything together— we don’t have any other choice. 50. Scene in the Kitchen (T) Complete - 0.7k - New place 51. 4'11 (T) Complete - 0.6k - Dan is baby 52. Pillow Imprints (T) Complete - 0.6k - Dan is a menace, and Phil loves him anyway. 53. Parachute Jacket (T) Complete - 0.5k - Dan thinks Phil is obsessed with them Those few times I thougt I was goddamn Ri**ard S*ken 54. Home (G) Complete - 0.7k - It’s their forever home, because their actual forever lives inside of it. 55. secrets spoken in empty rooms (T) Complete - 1k - So he wants to be the same, but he wants Dan more. 56. Separately Together (T) Complete - 0.9k - Phil’s soft hands and even softer words. It gets harder to leave. Gets to the point where Dan turns off an alarm just so he misses the train. 57. It's not hard to fall (T) Complete - 0.7k - Still a little bit of your words I long to hear Some more Epistolary (apart from 7 letters) 58. A Play in One Act (T) Complete - 1.1k - [Manchester Piccadilly train-station, midday, October 19th, 2009.] 59. R/AITA (T) Complete - 0.8k - AM I THE ASSHOLE FOR MAKING MY BOYFRIEND BE A WORM?Series 60. Lonely Hearts (T) Complete - 1.8k - I will not say you were crying on the tube (out of politeness) 61. Conversations of the Lazy Kind (T) Complete - 1k - eggs? wot? Smells like eggs

50 notes · View notes

elizaisthetruehero · 3 years

Text

Singing Like a Bird 'Bout It Now Chapter 1

So, I started writing another Eureka fic. Even though I have a WIP that isn't finished yet. What's probably going to happen is I'll get stuck on one and then switch to working on the other to beat procrastination. That's the plan anyway.

But here's the AO3 Link, that I posted there last night, and forgot to put here and on FF.Net. I'm doing FF.net because Eureka is an older fandom, and I think there's a couple people there who never made the switch.

Summary: Jo rushes into the Sheriff's station after 1947, and is greeted by a Zane who does not remember proposing to her that morning. But they're definitely still together. It just seems that Jo can't figure out what they hell they are, and why he's still going on dates with other women.

Zane doesn't understand why Jo's suddenly done an about face, but if it gets her to stop acting like nothing's going on between them, he can work with that. He just wishes he knew why she looked so sad when she looked at him.

Chapter 1

Jo strode into the Sheriff’s station, heart hammering against her bruised ribs, terrified of what she would find. The statue had changed. God, she hoped that was the only thing they’d changed. It would be a ridiculous change they would have made, back in 1947, but one Jo would have no problem living with.

There Zane was, sitting in her cell like he’d been that morning, casual and cool, like she hadn’t ripped his heart out and thrown it in his face. Hope bubbled up in her chest, and Jo could feel it showing in her smile. Maybe they’d be okay. She could feel the weight of the ring still in her pocket. They could still have their happy ending, walking into Café Diem, congratulations from all their friends, phone calls from their parents. Everything would be okay.

“Zane. I can't believe you're still here.”

He didn’t even look up at her, just kept thumbing through his magazine, “Where else would I be?”

“I thought after the way that I reacted,” she broke off sighing, not sure what to say about what she did that morning, or how to fix it. She’d never been good with words. “I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe I was just thinking too much. You know, I... I do that sometimes and...”

He cut her off, disinterest in his tone, “Lupo, what the hell are you trying to say?”

“I'm trying to say, ‘Yes.’”

“Yes? Yes, you’ll what, stop hogging the covers? Seriously Jo, what’s gotten into you?” he asked as he threw down his magazine.

“What we, this morning, you,” she cut herself off, dread filling her stomach like a weight. She looked around the room and saw that while Zane was in the cell, it was empty. None of the trappings or reminders of how they met that had been there when she'd first walked in that morning, before 1947. No framed poster, no bedding on the cot, no damn Panini press, no, no Liza’s box. And… Oh.

The cell door. It was locked, likely with the key that was on her belt loop. Why the hell was Zane in a locked cell?

“This morning you kicked me out of your bed at 3 am when I asked you to stop hogging the covers. And then this afternoon you threw me in jail.” Her bed. She’d kicked him out of her bed. Not their bed anymore. They didn’t live together?

Jo sat down at her desk, no able to look Zane in the eye while she tried to process everything that had happened. "Yeah, well, you shouldn’t bother me when I’m trying to sleep. You should be smarter than that," she said, forcing a smirk to her face, slipping into the familiar biting banter she and Zane had when they were fighting. Had she and Zane never gotten serious? He certainly wasn't looking at her the same way he had that morning.

“Look, Dungeon Master, when am I getting out of here?”

She played with her hands, picking the dirt out from under her nails, “I don’t know, what’d you do?”

“Nothing, you just like throwing me in jail,” she fixed her least impressed look in his direction, careful not to look in his eyes, but just above his head. If she did that, she might do something irrational and ill-befitting of a Deputy of Eureka. Like start beating prisoners. “So I unlocked a few cages, those monkeys deserved some freedom. Look, could you just let me out? I’ve got a date."

What? "Really? A date? With who?"

"Yeah, I'm meeting the blonde chick with the Ph.D. in Reproductive Biology. We're going to play doctorate," he smirked, without any of the soft and nervous affection he'd had that morning. Just the sarcastic bravado he’d had when he’d bought her lingerie to get under her skin. Did he even remember doing that anymore?

"Seriously?"

"Come on, Lupo, don't start acting like you care what I get up to or who with. We both know what's going on here, and what we’re not." No, I don’t know what we are, or why you’re sleeping with me but going out with other women. Why the hell wouldn’t I care about that!

She rushed to his cell door to unlock it, desperate to get him away from her, “Go. Get out.”

“You gonna taze me in the ass again?” and there was that grin, charming and handsome, that had caught her eye two years ago. Obsession with firearms can be a sign of an unfulfilled sexual appetite. I'm not saying that's you. But if it is, I'm at your service.She’d had to be talked out of shooting him back then. Now she wanted to shoot him, whatever blonde chick he was meeting up with, and maybe herself.

"Just get out," she snapped at him, blinking back tears that she couldn’t let fall. He walked out the door, facing her, clearly puzzled, his eyebrows drawn together in a way that she normally found cute, but right now, made her want to punch something. Anything would do.

The door shut behind Zane with a click, and Jo leaned against the cell bars, took a breath, and winced. She’d managed to clean up the blood on her face while Henry and Fargo were repairing the phones, but her ribs still needed to be taped, and the scrapes on her hands and head needed to be cleaned. She should still have an almost full tub of GD-grade bruise gel at home. Hopefully, it was still there.

Jo unlocked her door and stepped into her house, shutting the door behind her before leaning against it, letting her breath rush out of her. She took moment to close her eyes and just breathe after the chaos of the day that wasn’t even over yet. But she knew her peace couldn't last. She would have to go through her house to try to put together the pieces of the picture that made up her life, and figure out where everything went wrong.

Well, she had her minute. Time to face the music. She pushed off of the door, opened her eyes, and headed to the kitchen. She glanced around, her fingers trailing along the cool counter, taking it in. Didn’t look any different than it had when she had left that morning. Except…

She peered into the dishwasher and sighed in disappointment. Gone were Zane's plates with dried-on eggs, or his TARDIS-shaped mug, and she didn't think that was because he'd washed them already. They were probably at his old apartment, the one he'd barely spent any time at after they got together. Oh, they hadn't officially moved in together until after he'd gotten home from the Arctic, but that had been a formality, almost. Like he'd thought his question that morning had been. So let’s make it official. He’d really wanted to marry her. Spend the rest of his life with her, like she was the obvious choice.

Jo shook her head. She couldn’t think about that, the proposal that had never happened. She didn’t know how to fix the timeline, so she had to deal with this Zane in the meantime, if not forever. She really hoped she didn’t have this smarmy asshole forever.

She moved onto the living room. It looked like it had before Zane moved in, same décor, same pictures, and the same piano along the wall. The books on the shelves and her coffee table were just her books here, no physics journals or sci-fi novels or comic books. Just the thrillers and murder mysteries she liked to read on the rare occasion she had the opportunity. And, she checked the ottoman with the small storage space, some romance novels with shirtless men on the cover that she did notpull out in public. Zane had teased her the first time he’d seen her reading one, but she’d come home early one day and saw him on the couch, curled up with the blanket his mom had sent as a housewarming present, reading one. He insisted he was just being a good boyfriend, taking interest in her interests. And then he cracked a joke about the cowboy on the cover and positions. She’d been mad at him, but he made up for it.

She moved over to the stairs, heading up. At the very least, she would have to get changed and clean up, get 1947 off of her as quickly as possible. Hope that when she got out of the shower and back to town, Henry would have figured out a way to fix this.

Jo opened the door to her bedroom and stripped off her costume, heading straight for the en-suite bathroom. She showered quickly and efficiently, noting that, like most of the house, Zane's belongings were not there. She got out, wrapped the towel around herself, and headed to the sink to check the scrape on her temple. She applied GD's liquid band-aid to the cut, ignoring the sting, and went to put it away in the cabinet when she stopped, heart in her throat.

A used men's razor. She lifted it off the counter delicately, noting the short dark hairs caught between the blades. Zane's. Jo took stock of the rest of the vanity and felt a glimmer of hope that she hadn't felt since Zane spoke, back in the station.

Two toothbrushes in the holder. A can of his shaving cream. His aftershave, cap off because he could never remember to put the lid back on. She checked the shower again, and saw the bar of soap in the corner of the caddy, the kind that she never used, but, had clearly been used by someone.

Okay. Zane didn’t have any of his stuff downstairs, but he was over often enough that he had some space on her bathroom counter. Though not over enough for them to be exclusive. She really hoped she didn’t have to see him on his date. Her self-control was good, but not that good, she thought as she taped up her ribs and smoothed gel over her bruises. Those needed to fade, and quickly. The last thing she needed was someone asking what happened to her arms.

After giving the gel a minute to dry down, Jo walked back into her bedroom and got dressed, jerking open her drawers to see what was in each one. Her underwear, tank tops, T-Shirts and sweats all still in drawers. She yanked the last one open, wondering if it was empty if it was still being used for her sweaters, or…

Zane's clothes. Not all of them, his wardrobe probably had more than just a pair of jeans, two pairs of boxers, a couple of V-necks and, a crumpled-up plaid shirt. But he kept clothes here. Not enough to be living here, which the bottom floor had told her. But clean clothes for those rushed mornings when he wouldn't have time to run home before heading to work. He'd probably shown up to GD too many times wearing yesterday's clothes, thick stubble on his face.

Who had suggested it? Had she cleared it out and offered it to him? Had he brought them over in a backpack or duffle, slipping them into the drawer with a nervous grin? Were they the result of lazy weekends spent in her bed, ignoring the world outside?

She pulled her jeans on before picking up her dirty clothes and bringing them over to her hamper, and right on top of her clothes, was a pair of his boxers. Just more evidence that Zane was part of her life, but she didn’t know how she fit into his. If she went over to his apartment, would she find similar signs of her presence? Travel-size versions of her shampoo and conditioner, a change or two of clothes, maybe part of a spare uniform? Would her robe be there, or, no, she caught herself. He was fucking other women. If she got cold over there, she’d borrow one of his hoodies and a pair of his sweats.

And that was if she even went over to his place. She really needed to stop dawdling and get back to town so she could talk to Carter and Henry, see what was going on, and if they could fix this. And if they couldn’t, well, she’d been a Special Forces operative and was now a Deputy in Eureka. She could adapt. Maybe she could get Zane to adapt with her. Maybe, she thought as she slipped the ring onto a chain and placed it around her neck, not willing to be without it in case Henry found a way to fix this, maybe he’d even try to put this ring on her finger again. But that wasn’t happening tonight. Because she froze.

#eureka fic #eureka #jo lupo #zane donovan #a town called eureka

8 notes · View notes

cloneslugs · 3 years

Note

yayoi + shinada + saejima

saejima i did forever ago just bc ik if i answered yours firsy w all 3 this would be ill but it still got too long bc im a sicko but anyway thank you this made me smile to write (:

Lady Dojima

Sexuality Headcanon: bisexual

Gender Headcanon: 🙈 lady . this actually fluctuates depending on how indulgent i wanna be but usually i just go cis woman -_- just bc that's my mom who would love and support me

A ship I have with said character: erm.. *blushes* kashiwagi >_>

A BROTP I have with said character: kashiwagi as well :) that's her best friend thats her buddy, she has a really good relationship w kiryu too but it's different it's like a different tier entirely it's more familial in a sense but it isnt but it is, i also would like to explore her relationship w nishiki (apart from kiryu) but that is just (:, her and haruka would be cute too just bc <3 extended family

A NOTP I have with said character: sera just bc the theories around it get on my nerves, any other man people pair her w tbh besides my beloved <3

A random headcanon: shes kind of a weird girl outside of professional settings i think the blunt way she talks is kind of offputting outside of those and also she just doesnt censor herself not that shes crude but she wont stop herself from saying weird or mean things, she has a really sarcastic sense of humor she delivers everything really dryly so it's hard to tell if shes serious or not also she doesnt laugh a lot you'll probably only make her laugh if you are close w her and even then she is just ._., daigo picks up a lot of his mannerisms from her if you see them next to each other in the same situation they are very very close and similar, she likes strawberry shortcake but shes very particular about it her like former bff ran a bakery and it feels homey and nice to her so <3 fond memories but now shes particular, her favorite flower bouquets are roses + hydrangeas but she doesn't really like roses on their own, she likes cats, she doesnt like cooking but she isnt bad at it, shes very meticulous about how she presents/looks, she has a similar academic bg w daigo, shes self taught w a katana mostly + she practices w it to destress, shes not social but shes kind of chatty if you catch her at the right time but she mostly just asks a lot of questions and doesnt engage in convo well, she likes dresses/skirts but mostly dresses <3, very close w daigo i think he really was one of those kids who was like "my mommy is my best friend <3" but they're very close that's her baby shes very proud of him and they are still close now, shes otherwise not very good w kids i think kind of awkward daigo was her exception everyone else she is just kind of … … …, she likes to sing/hum (: but only when alone/doing menial tasks

General Opinion over said character: i looooove her shes my everything i just care so deeply about her i cant even call her my friend i respect her too much shes a little bit above me but <3 hi lady dojima ik ive said this before and its so embarrassing but i get like >///< *blushes irl* if i think about calling her yayoi or god forbid a milf or anything it feels too disrespectful im so >_> anyway hiii i love you

Shinada

Sexuality Headcanon: homosexual but hes so so repressed but he loves men

Gender Headcanon: trans guy (:

A ship I have with said character: 😏 daigo

A BROTP I have with said character: not including daigo um akiyama (: the whole 5 party really saejima likes to look out for him and kiryu is also there and hed be a cute big bro to haruka

A NOTP I have with said character: mine but its almost allowed bc of how laughable and mockable and ridiculous it is also any polyam ships that involve well. you know..

A random headcanon: autism (: baseball special interest that started when he was like 7 and never went dormant ever, hes bad w time and remembering things he just loses track of everything, he sleeps a lot and can sleep anywhere but if hes not sleeping he has to be doing something like anything, he likes to paint his nails mostly green but sometimes he lets daigo do black, bad at math but he likes writing a lot just in general sometimes he writes little notes/poems/thoughts/stories on his scrap paper when hes procrastinating work they're nothing special so he doesnt even really acknowledge that he likes writing he usually just scraps them or forgets about them it's just for fun, he likes to impress people if someone mentions being into something he tries to get into it too i think hes just a people pleaser, he likes to sing (: also just for fun he doesnt care about being good he'll do it when walking around or when doing literally anything he doesnt care about being loud/obnoxious in public if hes in a good/energetic mood, he cant cook mostly bc he has trouble paying attention to things for a while he gets bored and forgets about stuff, he forgets to cut his hair a lot so it gets long sometimes and he just ties it up until he actually gets around to doing something about it, very friendly he says hi to everyone and is the kind of person to not disclude people ever hes just very kind, he doesnt hold his alcohol well he gets sick pretty fast, hes very good at talking baseball/batting specifically but not very good at teaching or hes not very practical about it at least hes actually better at giving pitching tips, he has weird volume control i think its actually the opposite of daigos, hes a hugger (:, kind of really bad w social cues hes really social but can be awkward he tends to talk too much, he procrastinates a lot but hes also just a "drop everything to come and help" kind of guy maybe he doesnt prioritize well but he just cares about people like he is kind of finicky for money but hes also the type to give up his jacket if someone needs it or lend things out when he can, hes not good at picking up hobbies sometimes girls/friends get him stuff like a plant or some kind of craft kir or something and it's not like he doesnt take care of it/do anything w it he just cant hold an interest he wanted to get into music/instruments once though but it's expensive and then he eventually stopped caring/forgot, he shares his food w street animals when he can, he can either sit through movies or he can't it's either like "if im idle too long ill die" or just intense focus, he smiles a lot it's like his default face but he also smiles/laughs when hes nervous, he takes lots of pictures hes the kind of person to just message out of the blue w a pic saying it reminded him if you even if you dont make the connection and maybe it's just bc he thinks about people when walking around and he'll see something pretty/nice/cute or that just makes him smile so he needs to share it w whoever was on his mind he does it w the rgg5 crew and akiyama doesnt get it but hell send like a thumbs up or some blingee bedazzled stupid pic back + kiryu usually ignores him but deep down he thinks its sweet and maybe says "thanks." but feels too awkward to send a pic of the kids or the beach back + saejima usually sends a cat picture back or just says "okay" or ignores it + haruka always sends something back and kind of does the same thing w shinada now where she'll send him things if she thinks of him bc he started it

General Opinion over said character: he makes me so happy i love him so much hes just sweet and <3 i love you you make my heart feel <3 nice and sweet and kind i love you you mean the world to me you make me so emo i wahhhh i love you <3

#asks #rgg txt #<3 i love you <3 im glad i got to do my faves w you they make me (: loses it a little..#SORRY I DIDN'T KNOW THE SHINADA ONE GOT SO LONG WTF #i was like okay dont add more on lady dojima now it will be obnoxious but i kept going okay just one more for shinada .. but wlel um..

4 notes · View notes

thecreelhouse · 4 years

Text

I wanna get better

Paring: Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: your mental and physical health issues are a struggle enough the way it is, and you never imagined locking down for safety in your own apartment would make it all worse. thankfully, your’re not in quarantine alone, and ride it out with your roommate/best friend, Steve Harrington. (AKA: self indulgent quarantine comfort fic that absolutely nobody asked for. modern!AU, obviously.)

Word count: 3.9k

Warnings: depression, anxiety, chronic illness/pain, brief mentions of suicidal thoughts, lots of fluff n comfort to make up for it all though, I swear !!

A/N: hiiii! Long time no see!! I wrote this a week or two back (idk, time is fake anymore.). Read, or don’t, this was ultimately written as a way to keep busy when I was struggling recently. If you struggle with mental and/or physical issues, I see you, you’re not alone. Hang in there. I hope this brings some comfort to someone else, at least <3 the spoon theory is mentioned in this, and if you’re not familiar, I highly suggest looking it up. Enjoy!! (title is from ‘I wanna get better’ by bleachers!)

It’s spring. Still light out. Not sure on the exact day or the time, though. You lost your care and worries to keep track awhile ago, back when this whole pandemic started.

You’ve been in quarantine for at least a month now, maybe? Something like that. Sure. The entire world’s been on a lockdown; life actually came to a stop, something you’d never imagine actually bearing witness to.

To you, the quarantine was both a blessing and a curse. A blessed and cursed image. A “blursed image”, if you will. Blessing you with extra free time, time to be used on more sleep, more self care, more entertaining activities, less stress spent on your shitty job. A curse, because all this time on your hands, and you still couldn’t manage it properly, if even at all.

That couldn’t entirely be blamed on you and your procrastination; it stemmed from somewhere, after all. That source just happened to come in the all-too-common form of depression, anxiety, and chronic pain. So, your brand new free time was balanced between your moods and energy; how many spoons you had that day determined how your precious free time was spent.

“You wanna flip the record over or should I?”

Laying face up to the ceiling fan, you groaned, not wanting to get up from the floor cradling you and your drained weight.

“Is that your final answer?”

You tilted your head towards your best friend over on the couch, and pouted. “Maybe.”

Steve pushed himself off the cushion with a soft grunt, and dragged his feet across the floor, over your legs, and to the turntable. As he lifted the needle and flipped the record, he asked over his shoulder, “Low spork day?” Lowering the needle back down, the sounds of the B side of Jack’s Mannequin’s Everything In Transit continued softly through the speakers.

That misfired reference lifted a worn giggle from your lips. He tried, he really did. You tried teaching him the spoon theory ages ago, when you were first diagnosed. He got the concept, and that’s what mattered most.

“Sure, sporks. Close enough.” You said, smiling up at him as he began shuffling past you, heading towards his spot, but he stopped, reaching his hands out, grabbing yours. He gently began tugging you forward and up off the floor, something that felt like it was much harder than it should’ve.

Social distancing was supposed to be in place, sure, but the two of you weren’t as stuck on the specifics, being two now unemployed, long time best friends, who also happened to be roommates. At least neither of you were alone in this.

“Maybe you’d chin up a bit if we listened to some happier music.” He teased as you trudged over to the couch, flopping into the cozy, worn cushions. Steve sat next to you, pulling a blanket over the two of you. It’s always been like this, like clockwork, one comforts while the other works through the hurt. Lately, though, it’s been more suffering on your part than you wanted.

“Hey, I could’ve picked something much sadder than this.” You taunted back, tilting your head onto his shoulder, curling up into the safety of the comfort both Steve and the surroundings offered. “At least it’s catchy and upbeat. We could be crying to Phoebe Bridgers, or some shit.”

“You mean you could’ve been crying.” He countered again, pulling an arm around your shoulders, bringing you closer to him. You knew he was joking, but you didn’t have the energy to laugh along. You felt yourself spacing out, something you did when the pain, mental or physical, got too rough. If socially distancing counted in emotional ways, you’d be an Olympic medalist.

Steve noticed the beat of silence where you’d usually follow with more teasing his way, and nudged into you gently. “Hey, what’s up?”

You snorted at that. “You ask like life’s been eventful.”

“I mean, it has been, we’re living through shitty history, you know.” He said pointedly. “You have every right to feel whatever you’re feeling right now.”

You nodded, knowing of where the conversation was heading, but never being able to absorb the advice for yourself. It was always the same. Your feelings are valid, your pain is valid, you’re allowed to feel what you feel- only now, it was the quarantine edition.

“Yeah, nothing different, though.” You mumbled. “I just wanna sleep.”

“You always want to sleep. You’ve been sleeping too much lately. Maybe a trip the grocery store will help? Get up and out, stretch your legs.” He offered, knowing it wasn’t much, but something in times like this.

“They only want one person per trip anymore, remember?” You reminded him, and he groaned, nodding. “I’ll go tomorrow, or something. I know we’re low on some stuff. Just... tomorrow, okay?”

Steve sighed, letting the conversation go, not wanting to irritate you further. Your breathing fell in time with his, and the rhythm of that along with the music softly playing was enough to make your eyelids heavy. In no time, you felt the safety of your surroundings guide you into sleep.

———

“God dammit!”

The sounds of grumbles and cursing down the hall pulled you from your nap, eyes blurring out of focus as you looked around the room. It was dark and rainy out, now, and only a small lamp was on, dim, in the corner of the living room. You heard shuffling and frantic movements, and more cursing, and knitted your brows together in confusion.

“Steve?” You called out, throwing the blanket off your body and onto the floor as you pushed onto your feet, still feeling worn, but not as drained. Still, you let your feet drag across the floor as you slowly shuffled down the hall towards the noises. The door to your room was ajar, light pouring out into the hallway, the noises following out with it.

Peeking in, you saw Steve standing on your bed, jumping to touch the ceiling with one hand, and his phone in the other. You were only baffled further, tilting your head as you could only stare, focusing on what was in his hand; plastic glow stars.

You felt a smile curl up on the edge of your lips. Steve continued to bounce lightly on the bed, sticking the plastic stars against the ceiling as his hand got close enough to the surface. He wasn’t short by any means, but the ceilings in the apartment were just ridiculously tall.

Steve would glance at his phone every so often between placing stars; it held a photo of a constellation on the screen, and he was trying to copy it onto your ceiling. You felt something tug at your heart and pull laughter out from under the depression that laid deep in you. Startled, Steve jerked his head in your direction mid jump, and slipped, falling safely onto your bed.

“Wait! Don’t look yet!” He said, scrambling off the bed towards you, reaching out to cover your eyes with his palms. You laughed some more, pushing his hands away. “It was a surprise!”

“I already saw, you goof.” You admitted, laughter echoing out of you for longer than you expected. Steve couldn’t help smiling bashfully. “This might be the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for me.”

“Yeah, well, we gotta let them charge up anyway, or they won’t glow later.” He said, shrugging off the blush creeping up his skin. “I was hoping you’d still be asleep so I could finish sticking them... but...”

“How long was I out for?” You asked, rubbing your eyes, and he spun you around, pushing you back out the door and down the hall.

“Four hours. Figured you needed the rest.” Steve answered, continuing to direct you down the hall and into the tiny kitchen, flipping the lights on. “So, I went to the store.”

“So... technically we should be social distancing... right?” You questioned, half joking, knowing you couldn’t keep apart from being glued to one another’s sides.

“If I get sick, I’m bringing you down with me. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.” He quipped back, shrugging again as he pushed past you to open a cupboard. With a dramatic wave of an arm, he showed off the spot where you both kept your cereal, and your eyes landed on a new box of Fruity Pebbles. Your absolute favorite.

“You didn’t.”

“I did. It’s not a lot, but I hope that and the stars make you sm-“

Energy rushed through you, and you pushed yourself towards Steve, hugging him tightly. It wasn’t a lot, no, but you didn’t need a lot, didn’t need grand gestures to know your best friend cared about you.

“Thank you.” You mumbled into his shoulder, feeling his arms wrap around you in return. Your heart fluttered, but you shoved the feeling aside, knowing this wasn’t a two way street. That’s how it’s always been.

“How’re you feeling?” Steve asked, voice soft and filled with concern. Always concerned. Always caring. That’s just him being your best friend, though. This is just how it’s always been.

“Better than earlier, still riding it out, though.” You admitted, still feeling the dull sting of sadness trying to creep back in. You pushed out of his grasp, not wanting to overstay your welcome in his arms. It’s always been this way. It is what it is. Always what it will be.

Brushing past the awkward energy that fell between you two, the night carried on as it’s been nearly every night now, watching comfort movies you’ve seen plenty of times before, catching way too many sea bass in Animal Crossing, and losing track of time trying to learn TikTok dances.

“How are you moving your arms that fast?” Steve questioned as he stared as you danced, completely lost on the first few moves. Somehow you had it more together than he did, which was saying a lot, considering how you physically felt most days.

“You dance like a dad, Steve.”

“I can’t move like these kids!” He exclaimed, throwing his hands up. “They’re too bendy, like Gumbo.”

You stopped, glancing at him with raised brows, “.... you mean Gumby?”

Steve shook his head, putting his hands on his hips before insisting, “Uh, pretty sure it’s Gumbo.”

Killing boredom continued in the form of a blanket fort competition, one you were certain you’d win, when your walls of soft, fuzzy blankets came crumpling down around and on top of you. Steve’s terribly muffled laughs echoed through the living room.

“What the fuck, Steve! That took me an hour!” You yelled, flailing through the pile of blankets. As you felt your face surface, something hit you square in the forehead, leaving a dull sting.

Your eyes crossed to glance up, noticing a goddamn nerf dart stuck to your skin. Your eyes slowly narrowed back to Steve, holding a nerf gun and grinning too confidently.

“I’ll kill you.” You hissed, half joking, but still pretty pissed about your fort.

“Good luck, Y/N.” He shrugged before tossing a nerf gun your way, and bolting down the hall. You tore your way out of the blanket pile, grabbing the nerf gun and chasing after him as best you could, before he slammed the door to his room, locking you out. You pounded your fists against the door.

“You’re a shithead!” You yelled, trying to hold back your laughter. “This isn’t fair! I’m siiiiick!”

“You don’t get to play that card in quarantine!” He yelled back through the door. You crossed your arms with a huff, and retreated back to your room, slamming the door behind you. You waited, ear pressed to the door’s surface, hoping to hear any movement, but no such luck.

Cracking your door open, you carefully peeked down the hall, only to see Steve doing the same from his room, holding his gun out towards you. You acted lightning fast, shooting first, nailing him in the nose before he could pull back.

Slamming your door, you yelled loudly, “Karma’s a bitch!”

Silence fell in the hallway for a few minutes, before stomping echoed through apartment, and your door was flung open, shoving you aside in shock.

Steve stood in the doorway with a pillow tied to his forehead with shoelaces, and another tied to his torso with a formal tie. You couldn’t help but choke on laughter at the sight of his homemade armor.

“What the fuck are you wearing, Harrington?”

“Go ‘head, shoot me, see what happens.” He laughed back, holding his nerf gun up in defense.

You held your laughter down for a moment. “I won’t hesitate, bitch.”

The Vine reference caught Steve off guard, causing him to laugh again, and you ran forward, pushing him aside and out of the doorway to make your escape.

“Unfair!” He called out as you ran to his room, slamming and locking the door behind you. Footsteps, then banging against the door followed, and you ignored it, bent over in pain from the quick movements.

“You can’t just lock me out of my own room!” He yelled like a child, and it pulled a smile out of you through the pain. Still, the room began to spin as your heart rate caught up to your body, delayed.

“Give me a sec’, I’m really dizzy here.” You managed to breathe out, just loud enough to be heard, as you started to sit on the floor, legs giving out as you got closer to the ground.

“Oh, wait, shit, you alright?” He asked, and you could hear plastic echoing off the floor in the hallway, before the doorknob began jiggling. “You’re not fuckin’ around, are you?”

As you laid on the floor, your ears began ringing and your vision tunneled, narrowing into a point in the ceiling above you. Your limbs felt fuzzy, like TV static. Still, in a shaky voice, you joked back. “F- fuck around and find out.”

Pushing past a snort, Steve yelled back, “Seriously, Y/N, are you on the floor at least?”

“You betcha’ bippy.” You answered back, breath shallow. This happened, this was normal, for you. This was life. Complicated definitions aside, your heart didn’t like to keep a proper heart rate, especially when you actually were active, or even just moving, really.

Between that and the mental health mess you dealt with, it was just a cycle of fuckery that kept you constantly in a struggle, one way or another. Over time you’ve learned to deal, but sometimes shit like this just happened. It wasn’t necessarily life threatening, but it certainly got in the way of things in life you once took for granted.

Through blurry vision, seeing double, you noticed Steve standing above you, and laughed weakly. “How’d you get in?” You hadn’t even heard the door open.

Steve, breathless and panicked, crouched down closer, feeling your forehead for a fever. “Robin showed me how to open doors with Bobby pins forever ago. Found some in your room.”

You pushed his hand off your skin. “I’m not infected, idiot. Just give me a second.”

“You sure? I- I just wanna be sure, that you’re okay, and stuff, better safe than sorry.” He stumbled over his words; over-explaining would be where he won his Olympic medals, that’s for sure.

Eyes shutting, you nodded, feeling drained, more than earlier. Like any and all energy had been shoved out of your body. “I promise I’m okay. Just the usual tachycardia nonsense. Not dying. Not sick-sick, okay?”

“Right. Yeah. Of course.” He said, biting his lip, glancing down in worry. He shifted himself to lay down on the floor next to you. “I’m just... gonna hang here. Until you’re okay. I left the nerf gun in the hall.”

“I heard it drop, but I appreciate the reassurance.” You replied, eyes closed still, but at least the rapid heartbeat and ringing in your ears had finally begun to quiet down. Your heavy breaths began to slow, too, feeling more normal again. Steve gently laced his fingers between yours, catching you off guard. “I’m not dying, I told you. Chill.”

“I know... it just... you just...”

“Spit it out, dork.” You joked, and he sighed.

“You scare me sometimes.” He replied, voice just above a whisper. He rushed to correct himself. “Not- not like you, so much. Well... maybe, sometimes, first time we met I was scared shitless because of you-“

“Get to the point, Harrington.” You laughed, softly squeezing his hand, reassuring him to continue.

“I’m scared I’ll lose you to any of this shit.” He breathed, and your eyes shot open, carefully turning to glance at him. “You’ve got so much to worry about, and you’re strong, but it doesn’t mean I don’t worry that it’ll break you someday.”

Rolling over onto your stomach, you propped yourself up on your elbows, staring down at Steve. “Hey, I’m not going anywhere. You know that, right?”

Steve looked away, and you could swear you saw a glimmer of sadness in his eyes. “Sometimes you don’t get out of bed for a long time. Sometimes you’re in so much pain you can’t even walk properly. Sometimes your thoughts are so rotten to you, and I wish I could, like, punch them, or some shit... I don’t know.” He sighed deeply before shutting his eyes tight. “You’re my best friend, and I don’t want to lose you to any of this. To anything, ever.”

“Well, you know we all die someday, right?” You said, and he opened his eyes to roll them at you. “Seriously, I’m not going anywhere. I’m sorry for alarming you. This whole pandemic bullshit has me-“

“Don’t say it-“

“- Upside down, sorry.” You finished, cringing, but a smile curled at the edge of your lips. “It’s true, though. It’s magnified all my bullshit by ten times, at least. I’ll admit, I haven’t been doing the best with self care to make sure it gets any better.”

“Why won’t you let me help?” Steve asked, and it freezes your entire body up.

“Because everyone else has their own shit going on, including you. Why would I burden you with even more nonsense?” You replied, wanting to drop the subject. “I let you distract me with silly things, and that’s already much more than you need to do for me.”

Steve sat up a bit, leaning back on his elbows, looking you dead in the eye. “I hear you crying at night sometimes. You don’t tell me anything anymore. Distractions only help so much. Why won’t you talk to me? To somebody? Anybody?”

You shifted, pulling your knees to your chest and rested your chin onto the tops of them, ignoring the tears trying to break. “This whole thing has me exhausted, and I feel guilty. I don’t have a reason to feel drained. Not a real reason. I don’t fight this thing on the frontlines. I’m unemployed but safe at home, how the hell can I justify telling you or anybody else that I’m so tired, and I just don’t want to be here anymore?”

As silence followed, Steve’s eyes grew wide at your confession, and you couldn’t stomach the guilt you felt for already admitting this, looking away. Steve shifted to sit closer to you, and immediately pulled his arms around you, hands reaching up to cradle the back of your head and thread through your hair.

“Your reasons for feeling so drained and tired are valid.” He affirmed, voice shaking as he spoke into your ear. You felt the tears finally break and slip down your face. “You have literal medical reasons as to why you feel that way, and that’s okay. Staying home is also a big fight, and it’s hard on a lot of us. It’s hard on me too.”

You pulled back to look at him, and saw Steve’s eyes were red and holding back tears.

“I’m sorry.” Was all you could manage to get out, and Steve shook his head.

“Don’t be. I just don’t want to lose you. I love you, you know?” He said, rubbing the tears out of his eyes, before holding you again. “You know I wouldn’t want to be in this stupid quarantine with anyone else, right? All the awful shit aside, spending this time with you has been some of my favorite memories we have together.”

“You’re just saying that ‘cause we live together, but I love you too.” You snorted, and he shook his head again.

“No,” Steve shut his eyes quickly before looking back at you. “I mean I love you. ... I’m sorry the timing’s shit. I just hate that you feel like you have to fight this alone, when I’m here for you as a best friend, at the least.”

Your heart dropped and eyes grew wide. “You... you what?”

“Sorry- shit. Fuck. That was really bad timing, I’m sorry, Y/N-“

“My ears stopped ringing a few minutes ago... did you really say that?” You asked, stunned.

Steve’s eyes darted away and back to yours, “.... Maybe. Unless it’s gonna make our friendship weird, in which case-”

“Steve.”

“- we don’t have to talk about this, I don’t want quarantine to get even weirder because of what I said, in fact, we could just forget-“

“Steve.”

“- my timing was probably super selfish anyw-“

“Oh, my god, you never shut up do you?” You grumbled as you wrapped your arms around him, pulling the two of you closer together. Your lips landed on his, quickly bringing his verbal train of thought to a halt. Surprised, he froze for a moment, before softly moving his lips against yours, smiling through the kiss. You pulled back, heart pounding and thoughts buzzing in a blissed-out daze.

“I should ramble more often.” Steve mumbled, blushing, and you giggled, leaning forward to kiss him again, soft and slow.

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” You mumbled against his lips in between kisses. “I love you, too.”

Steve pulled away, overwhelmed with happiness, scrambling to his feet before taking your hands and gently pulling you up and off the floor. “When this is all over, I’m taking you on a real date. I mean it. Anywhere you wanna go, we’re going.”

“Even Disney World?” You joked, and he snorted.

“Maybe on the second date.” He joked back, hands steadying you, making sure your balance was normal again. “You good? You okay, or do you need to lay back down?”

“Hm, maybe... I got an idea for that first date.” You said, smirking, before tugging Steve along as you walked back to your room. You pulled him into bed, and shut the lamp off, letting the plastic glow stars illuminate the room softly. You noticed the constellations he put up were the two of your zodiac signs.

“You’re such a cheeseball.” You teased, climbing under the covers, and pulling him towards you. Steve climbed in next to you, shrugging with a laugh.

“You love it.” He teased back, curling his arms around you. The two of you molded together, cuddled up as you always have. It’s always been this way, and you realize now things can stay the same and transform all at once, and that’s okay. It’s always been this way, and that’s okay.

“Yeah, I really do.” You replied, pressing a kiss to his jawline before snuggling closer into him, gazing up at the handmade starry night hanging over the two of you. “I really, really do.”

———

Taglist!! - @harringtown @harrington-ofhawkins @jxnehxpper (if u wanna be added just lmk <3)

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington fic #stranger things x you #stranger things x reader #stranger things fic #my fics #i wanna get better

94 notes · View notes

disconnected-from-reality · 4 years

Text

Fanfic Rec: 00Q Part 3

It’s been more than a year! I have totally been procrastinating in doing this if I’m truly honest. A lot of things happened in my life as well! There are good and bad things, but what matters most is that I still have a number of fics to recommend for you! I haven’t stopped reading, don’t worry.

Also I think it’s a good time to post my list. The next Bond movie has released its trailer and the 00Q crumbs we got from the trailer got a lot of shippers back on board. If you’re that person, you might want to check these fanfics out!

To see the other parts, click here for part 1 and for part 2.

Let Love In by dhampir72 [Words: 21,437 | Teens and Up Audiences] They're still learning that love is more of a journey and less of a destination. [A series of interconnected vignettes].

Ulysses by girlbookwrm [Words: 89,065 | Teens and Up Audiences] “Paperwork for the new head of Q-Branch,” Tanner said. “Of course.” The words were like glass in his throat. Smoke inhalation was a bitch. His brain felt slow and foggy, like it was full of smoke too. “Who shall I take them to?” M lifted one white brow. “They’re for you, Quartermaster.” Bond and Q are drawn together by names, work, and a certain Aston Martin. In which Q is kidnapped once, Bond is poisoned twice, and Eve is a badass on at least three occasions. AKA that time I tripped and wrote 80,000 words of 00Q. All titles unapologetically stolen from Alfred, Lord Tennyson.

Espionage is a Family Affair by nagapdragon [Words: 78.403 | Mature] It's common knowledge that angels make good weapons and terrible soldiers. They're hard to kill, hard to catch, and leave a swathe of destruction wherever they go. That's why MI6 likes them. James Bond, Agent 007, is one of the most devastating weapons MI6 will admit to having. Explosions follow his every whim and he's nearly impossible to kill, despite the best efforts of terrorists worldwide. He's second only to the weapons MI6 pretends don't exist- archangels are only a theory, after all. Aren't they?

Bond to You by therunawaypen [Words: 5,749 | Mature] Bond isn't a name. It's a rare breed of people that have designated soulmates, to whom a Bond will be eternally faithful to. Every child dreams of being a Bond's Chosen soulmate. James uses his status as a Bond to seduce many a mark into thinking they're his Chosen, while deep down he resents his identity because he has been unable to find his Chosen. Then he meets Q that fateful day in front of that painting.

How Q Hacked Online Dating by JayPendragon [Words: 23,836 | Explicit] “How does that lead to…?” Eve waves her hand at the mess behind Q’s back. Q feels his expression morph into a sly grin. “I have a new plan. I’m going to stay on these dating platforms, but I’m going to treat them as databases. Rather than waiting for an algorithm to set me up, I'm going to try reverse-engineering this entire system.” In which Q works in the private sector, still winds up friends with Eve, and applies science to his love life. Obviously, Eve gets involved.

Leading Edge by Batsutousai [Words: 7,251 | Teens and Up Audiences] All fae-born were raised on stories of how cruel dragon-borns were, how they had no care for anyone outside themselves and their greed, that they would sell their own mother's soul to the devil before allowing themselves to be hurt. They were told that all dragon-borns were to be killed on sight, and taught spells that would do just that, if ever given the chance. It would be just Q's luck that one of his agents was dragon-born.

Pen and Paper by Salios [Words: 5,300 | Teens and Up Audiences] Q wrung his hands anxiously, teeth gnawing at his lower lip. It was a bad habit, biting his lip, but he couldn’t help it when he was nervous. And he really did have reason to be nervous. Well, excited to the point of nearly crippling nervousness, actually. Today he’d finally get to meet his boyfriend of three years. For the first time ever.

people can surprise you (or not) by pdameron [Words: 10,538 | Teens and Up Audiences] “I’m not you, Bond. I don’t exactly have a technique for getting rich strangers to like me.” “Just do your naive cute puppy thing, and they’ll be doting on you in no time,” Bond replies as he pulls up to the grand estate. “My what?” Q asks incredulously. Bond doesn’t answer, simply giving him an indulgent smile. The fucker. (or: 00q meets Gosford Park. Except not really.)

A Common Solution by SailorChibi [Words: 17,654 | Teens and Up Audiences] Bond has been ignoring his biological needs. Boothroyd is retiring and MI6 is in need of a new Quartermaster. What do these two things have in common? They both have an easy solution... if only M can get Bond to extract a certain hacker NOTE: This does not have the “James Bond/Q” tag, but I’ll add it in my list anyway.

Taken by Nana_41175 [Words: WIP | Explicit] Or, the cheating fic that *nearly* is! Q is engaged to be married, but not to Bond. Excerpt: Bond blinked. “Boyfriend? What do you mean, boyfriend?” “I mean exactly that,” said Moneypenny. “Honestly, what’s the matter with you? Q’s been seeing someone for over a year. And if I’m not mistaken, Daniel is going to pop the question on him this evening. Dan asked me for advice on the ring, after all.” NOTE: This is currently a WIP fanfic, but it’s almost done with 2 chapters left to be posted. Would be a bummer if I don’t add it, right?

His Keeper by Nana_41175 [Words: 45,482 | Explicit] Protecting the Quartermaster entails a special set of circumstances, and Q is the last one to know. Excerpt: “Your identity has been compromised,” M said as he leaned forward in his chair, his features grim even as his tone remained even and calm. “I am standing you down from all your duties in Q branch. Kindly hand in all personal computers and devices. I am placing you on administrative leave, effective immediately. You need to disappear for a while, Q, for your own safety. Think of this as the holiday you never had these past two years. We will get down to the bottom of this and repair the damage done; otherwise I shall have to ask you to step down. ”Q gaped at him, finally speechless. “At any rate, quartermasters are entitled to double-O agents as bodyguards, when the need arises, and he personally volunteered,” M continued as though he’d not just dropped the equivalent of a bomb and a death sentence through slow torture rolled into one, “and I do agree that under the circumstances, 007 would be the best choice as your bodyguard.”

Daddy and Uncle James by 1MissMolly [Words: 26,115 | Teens and Up Audiences] James Bond can remain cool and collected in the most trying of circumstances. He is an expert at hand to hand combat and marksman with numerous weapons. He can seduce any woman or man he chooses. He has the highest success rate at achieving his goals, and he has his sights on the young Quartermaster. The only thing standing in his way is the only thing that will surely defeat him. A six year old girl named Elizabeth Park. Bond's planned seduction of Q is interrupted by the arrival of Q's daughter, Lizzie.

Treason, Traitors, and Treachery by Kryptaria, zooeyscigar [Words: 63,230 | Mature] All James Bond wanted was a quiet holiday on his luxury motoryacht on the Costa del Sol. Time to recuperate and think about his future with MI6. But his plans get hijacked when a traitor to the crown returns, bringing news of an even greater threat to MI6. And the traitor isn't working alone.Thankfully, neither is James.

Playing the Part by ElektricAngel [Words: 23,116 | Teens and Up Audiences] James Bond comes into Q Branch after a mission with all of his equipment accounted for and in tact, and a complete mission report in Q's inbox. Q is pleasantly surprised and more than a little suspicious. Rightly so, as it happens, because Bond makes an unusual request of him. And yet, his license to kill is not the only thing that makes the man difficult to say no to...

Breathe With Me by Flantastic [Words: 7,575 | Explicit] When James Bond goes back to MI6 following his disastrous relationship with Dr Madeleine Swann, Q wants nothing to do with him. Then there's an accident in Q-Branch...

Bittersweet by dr_girlfriend [Words: 14,229 | Explicit] The first time Bond flirted with Q, it was purely out of self-defense. The second time Bond flirted with Q was largely manipulation. The third time Bond flirted with Q, he just wanted to feel something. The fourth time Bond flirted with Q was out of sheer boredom.Somehow, flirting with Q became something of a habit for Bond.And then, it became something else.

A Bond of Matrimony by enigma_kar [Words: 12,691 | Mature] The one where Bond’s next mission involves going undercover with Q. Includes: banter, fake marriage, espionage, car chases, life-or-death situations, and Moneypenny taking far too much delight in the whole affair.

as permanent as stone cathedrals by pdameron [Words: 6,002 | Teens and Up Audiences] Q has been in love for two years, six months, and twelve days when James Bond walks away, leaving him with a bleeding head and a broken heart on a dark and noisy London bridge.

just like old times (please don’t ever change) by Rosslyn [Words: 5,173 | Teens and Up Audiences] Sometimes when Q is alone in his workshop and there is an experiment that needs to be supervised and he can’t go home and he can’t sleep, he watches Bond’s vitals.

How Much Love Can the Weight of Water Carry? by 00QEros (Dassandre) [Words: 39,549 | Explicit] Though Bond returned to MI6 after his ill advised jaunt around the globe with Madeleine Swann, Q still struggles with his own feelings for the agent in spite of the fact that Bond is clearly not the same man as the one who walked away from their friendship on Westminster Bridge. James regrets having left London and MI6, but it is nothing in comparison to the remorse he feels for abandoning Q. However, James has made repairing their friendship his primary goal in the hope of gaining something he never realised he needed as badly as he does. But Bond really hasn’t had a good time of it lately. Breaking his leg in a freak accident, James camps out at Q’s flat when the white-washed, soulless walls of Medical become too much for him to tolerate. Unfortunately, his leg is only the beginning of Bond’s health problems, and Q is conscripted into being James’ caretaker. Confined to the close quarters of Q’s flat, the Quartermaster finds himself opening back up to the agent, but will the two men find their way to one another as they should have done years ago, or is time no longer on their side?

So I guess that’s it for now! I still have a couple in my belt, but most of them are still WIP so I’d keep them for now. I’ll be adding them once they are finished.

#00Q #James Bond #Q(James Bond)#fanfic rec #fic rec

227 notes · View notes

meerkat-studies · 3 years

Text

why we can’t always rely on feeling motivated (and tips on finding motivation again!)

It’s been nearly a year into the pandemic, and starting my a-levels during a time when it feels difficult to focus has taught me one thing:

motivation is volatile.

It just seems to ‘evaporate’ away, and we’re not really sure when it’ll return.

Many of us don’t feel the motivation to study every single day of the week, and ‘natural’ motivation isn’t always enough to help us get our tasks done.

Motivation is temporary. We can never force ourselves to feel motivated, and motivation tends to only properly come when we start doing productive things.

Of course, there’s days where we can’t study at all (whether it’s illness, needing to rest etc.) but on days where the lack of motivation is the only thing stopping you from completing your tasks, the best thing you can do is:

Tip #1: Just Get Started!

Many advise you to complete your most difficult tasks first, and get them out of the way. I tend to ignore this.

If I don’t feel like doing anything, I start with fairly easy tasks (like reading an article, tidying or making brief notes on a textbook page). This tends to put me into a productive, motivated mindset.

Chances are, you’ll fall into a flow of ticking things off your to-do list, and before you know it, you’re back to work. You might even start to enjoy this newly found sense of productivity.

But, if you still don’t feel like studying, chances are you just need to rest.

Tip #2: Don’t Overthink It!

Even getting started on your easier tasks can feel like a lot, since most of the time you have to overcome the dreaded p-word (procrastination). You might even be putting off your tasks right now, by reading this post.

I tend to compare getting started on studying with getting out of bed.

Your bed feels like the best place to be in the morning, and anything other than being in bed seems miserable and too much. The hardest part of waking up is leaving the warmth of the blankets, but you soon realise that it’s not that bad being awake, and all you’re missing is a few extra minutes of sleep (that would likely be disturbed by your alarm anyway).

Starting with work is exactly the same. Scrolling through our infinite Instagram feed is just like the warm covers of our bed. Studying seems like the most boring and tedious thing. When you close the app, (and maybe start a Forest timer), you realise that it feels much better to be studying, and there was really nothing valuable about those posts on Instagram.

It comes with practice, but the best way to overcome procrastination is to stop overthinking it, and remind yourself that there’s always an easy solution to breaking out of the procrastination chain, and getting on with your work.

Throw your phone onto the bed, away from sight. Switch off Netflix, and promise yourself that after an hour of study you’ll watch another episode.

If you generally enjoy your subject(s), remind yourself of that. A task that seems boring at the time is just one part of your journey to learning something that you’re likely really passionate about! School/uni is, of course, bound to have its good days and bad days. Think of hitting a motivation-slump as just another bad day, that will be met with many good days.

Tip #3: Finally, Remind Yourself That:

It shouldn’t be your goal to work constantly.

Just the fact that you’re on studyblr, and you’re striving to find ways to improve your productivity, shows that you take your tasks and studies seriously.

You’re probably already doing the right thing!

~~~

Best of luck for whatever you’re trying to accomplish next.

(Oh, and a quick disclaimer: I’m not really qualified to give study advice: I just thought I’d share my ideas, in case anyone stumbles into this and finds it useful! We all have different circumstances, and of course some find it easier to find a sense of motivation than others.)

4 notes · View notes

aliceslantern · 3 years

Text

Give/Take, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, chapter 3

Ienzo has been too busy since the war to be overwhelmed by the past. But with little progress to be made in his work with Kairi, old nightmares start to invade.

Riku is a glorified housesitter. Lonely and faced with no choice but to wait for a way to find his friends, he eagerly accepts when Ienzo asks him to help do repairs around the castle. Before long, the two strike up an unlikely friendship, united by their dark pasts and their attempts to be better people.

But just as they begin to consider something more... Kairi wakes up.

Ienzoku (Ienzo/Riku), post-Melody of Memory, slow burn. Updates Thursdays until it's done.

Chapter summary: Riku gets sick, which ends up having worse consequences than it should.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

Ienzo tucked another blanket around Kairi. The air in here was quite cold--despite the oncoming winter, the AC was running to keep their equipment happy. He knew she couldn’t feel anything, but he hoped the position she was in wasn’t uncomfortable. They’d done the best with what they had.

It was getting dark, but there wasn’t anything for dinner in the castle; as in, they’d even eaten all of the auxiliary cans of soup. It might be nice to stretch his legs. He put on his raincoat, picked up an umbrella, and set off.

He thought that shopping would irritate him, being another one of those necessary human activities. But he actually found it quite soothing. The food here seemed fresher, richer than what he was used to. He picked up what they needed for a few days and started to head back. It really was raining rather heavily, making him a bit jumpy in the early evening, despite the bright flashlight of his gummiphone. He still had magic, but that didn’t mean he wanted to use it.

In the darkness of the construction site, he thought he saw a figure. He tensed, trying to find that magic, only to see that it was “Riku?” Still in the rain, without a proper coat. “I suppose you found something to fight, then?”

“...You could say that.” His voice was unsteady, and Ienzo thought he saw him shaking.

“Have you been out here in the cold this entire time?”

“I’m alright,” he stuttered.

“I can both see and hear you shivering.”

“I’m really fine.”

Ienzo frowned. He knew that line through and through. The last thing he needed was for Riku to collapse on them. “Why don’t you come inside and get dry and warm?”

“No, it’s alright. I’ll go--back to the castle.”

“You shouldn’t leave while it’s dark.”

He squinted at Ienzo. There was a flush in his face. “I’ll really be okay.”

“...And it’s not pouring buckets,” Ienzo said dryly. “We have the room and frankly, you look like you feel ill.”

Riku trembled, clearly trying to come up with an excuse.

Ienzo sighed. “You want to run yourself into the ground, fine. But neither Kairi nor I appreciate it. It won’t help make you feel better, that’s for sure.”

“W-why? You b-been there?”

Ienzo chuckled. “Between my reformation and Demyx’s delivery of the replica for Roxas, I don’t think I slept more than an hour a night. And then I crashed in front of Aeleus and it was very humiliating.” He twirled his umbrella. “So really, I’m trying to help you save face, here.”

Riku considered. “W-well if you put it like that.”

He bobbed his head towards the door. “Come on, then.”

Unfortunately the only extra bedroom that was in any livable shape was the one that had belonged to Xehanort. Ienzo gathered some clean sheets and extra blankets for Riku, who was still shivering rather insistently.

“I’ll bring you something dry to wear,” he said.

“You don’t h-have to, I’m sure once I get dry I--”

“Riku, if I let you stay in those wet clothes then I may end up getting the rest of us sick. I’m making soup for dinner. I do hope you’ll come eat it.” He told him briefly where the kitchen and bathroom were.

“I’d hate to intrude--”

“The only thing I particularly hate right now is that you’re refusing help when you clearly need it. It’s fine. We want you to be comfortable.” Insofar as he could be here, anyway.

He dropped his eyes. “...Thanks.”

“It is the least I can do.” He nodded once, curtly. “Dilan gets upset if dinner is not served precisely at seven-thirty. You better be there.”

“Or w-what?”

Ienzo cocked his head. He didn’t know what that tone meant, other than the fact it made his heart skip a little. Nerves? Discomfort? Indigestion? “Then I’m afraid you’ll miss my gourmet cooking, which is a shame for you,” he replied, equally. “Get changed. Quit procrastinating.” He shut the door on Riku before he could protest further, and tried not to ponder the nervous little seed that was now growing in his chest.

It had been a while since he’d had banter with-- anyone , and fighting with Even didn’t count . They were all too busy walking on eggshells around each other. That was why, right? A friendly moment with someone who was nigh-identical to his murderer?

Ienzo shook his head and went to start the soup. He enjoyed the neat order of cooking, its innate harmlessness. They’d been taking turns cooking for everyone; Dilan was a good cook, Aeleus passable. Even couldn’t do much more than boil pasta, nor did he care to do more. Ansem preferred to “support local business” and get takeout. He kept chopping vegetables, making his broth, readying bits of beef. It’d take some time to simmer, so he tried to catch up on his coding on a tablet.

Ienzo was starting to get sick of numbers.

---

Riku was starting to get sick. He felt it. That was dumb, he thought, wincingly. While a warm shower and the blankets on the bed helped with the worst of the shivering, it was only just beginning, an ache in his bones. A potion might at least help him be functional, but one was all the way across the room in the pocket of his pants, which were drying on the radiator.

This room reminded him too much of the one Maleficent had given him the last time he’d stayed here. The furniture was the same style, the walls the same green. He wondered dizzily if this was that room, but this one had a window and the other had not.

Ienzo had left him a set of linen pajamas, but knowing who they belonged to nearly kept him from putting them on--at least until the bone-deep cold reinvaded. He huddled under the three or four blankets he’d been given.

Nice one, idiot, he thought. He’d known that fighting in the rain was a bad idea, but he’d done it anyway , and now he was out of commission for at least a few hours, until the dizziness faded enough for him to travel-- not home , but to the place he’d been living.

It seemed to take a long time, but finally, finally the shivering stopped. The bed wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable as he’d thought, and he found himself drifting, trying desperately to stay awake. The soup. He’ll be mad if I don’t eat the soup. The notion of trying to stomach something just made him feel nauseous. Riku tried to sit up, but the wave of vertigo that overcame him was so intense he had to lay right back down.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so terrible to fall asleep…

Riku dreamt.

The buildings and alleys of a city in the rain, full of bright pulsing neon and he was searching, so desperately, so desperately, for Sora, and time was running out--

The dream warped and changed.

The castle had seemed darker then, its smell muskier, Heartless wandering the place in droves. He’d hear them fighting each other as he tried to sleep; he remembered that being surprising. At first the pulse and pull of darkness inside of him had felt exhilarating, like he could do anything, like he was unstoppable.

Then he started blacking out.

The loss of time had been a few seconds, minutes at most, like he’d simply zoned out or lost his train of thought. But slowly, over the course of those days, Ansem’s grip on him tightened, and the minutes became hours, and he’d be left in the darkness of his own heart, a sensation that threatened to drown him if he didn’t consciously fight it moment for moment. It had burned, felt hot, and now and again he could twitch his own fingers, take a few hesitant steps in his own body. Even once Ansem had theoretically been purged from him, he still felt that pull, itching, aching, not helped at all when it was quite literally awoken.

Castle Oblivion wasn’t dark. It was bright, white, piercing, despite the fact that it was underground and had no windows. The only darkness came from the Heartless, from the shadowy figures that lurked within--

“Riku?”

I know who I am.

When did that happen? You were always terrified of the dark before--

“...Right. I see. I’ll leave it here for you.”

A clink of metal and glass, a cool hand touching his forehead--

Then I shall make you see that your hopes are nothing but a mere illusion!

Riku grasped Zexion’s wrist hard, and heard a startled cry. A lamp light clicked on.

Not Zexion.

In his hazy state, it took him a long, long moment to realize what had happened. The walls of the room were wobbly. Ienzo was clutching his wrist, gasping and breathing hard. “I-I’m sorry,” Riku stammered. “I didn’t mean--are you hurt?”

But Ienzo didn’t respond. His head was bowed low, and his grip had shot up to his throat. Riku tried to reach towards him--

“Do not .” The words were harsh, almost animal-- with panic , Riku realized dizzily. “Don’t touch me, don’t--” He choked for breath for a moment longer before he darted from the room.

Perhaps it was the fever, but Riku reeled with confusion. Their battle, to his knowledge, had been tough but ultimately mutual. Why was Ienzo reacting this way?

Either way, he’d messed up again , and he felt too awful to try and make more sense of it. He saw that Ienzo had brought him some of the soup, and some tea and medicine, and the guilt only tightened.

His exhausted mind swept him back under.

---

Riku woke with a jolt. He wasn’t sure if the fever had broken or not; he was uncomfortably sweaty in all these layers. He could tell he’d been having dreams, intense, difficult ones, but they all dissolved in the morning light.

Lying on his side, he saw the abandoned soup bowl, the now-cold tea and medicine. A stab of remorse made his stomach clench. In that moment the fever really had made him think Zexion was attacking him, but that didn’t make hurting him any more right.

And--squinting hard--had that grip made Ienzo panic ? Why?

Either way, Riku had a lot of apologizing to do. He warmed what he’d been left with a spell and ate, the prickles of guilt getting worse.

His clothing was dry by now, so he got dressed and folded up everything he’d used. He was still a bit shaky, but he’d be fine enough to get back to the Land of Departure. He hardly ever got sick like that. But he hadn’t been able to sleep well lately, and there was the cold and the rain, and he probably wasn’t eating well either. He’d run himself into the ground. Riku had to get better control of this, if so just to prevent all this from happening again.

He set off to find Ienzo, his heart beating hard with anxiety. Just say sorry. Just say sorry. There had to be something he could do. He hoped he hadn’t hurt him; he knew too well the ache of broken bones.

He headed back to the lab, trying not to talk himself out of it. He mentally rehearsed what he had to say-- you were so kind, I acted completely out of turn-- but when he got there, Ienzo wasn’t even in the room.

“Good morning, Riku,” Even said, and Riku wondered if he was imagining the coolness in his voice. “I see you’re up and about.”

“I’m so sorry about yesterday. Thank you for letting me stay.” He cleared his throat.

“I don’t think any of us are strangers to overwork,” Ansem said. “You’re welcome here any time.”

He dropped his eyes. “...Thanks. Um. Where’s Ienzo? I wanted to thank him for the dinner.”

Again, that stab of paranoia--was the pause too long? “He had a few things to tend to in town, I believe,” Even said. “But I will pass on the message.”

“...Oh. Thanks.” He looked back at Kairi, still deeply asleep. Would she be ashamed of him? “I guess I should… head out, if there’s nothing I can help with here.”

“I don’t believe so,” Even said, without looking up.

“Take care,” Ansem said, with that same old man smile.

Riku returned to the Land of Departure, to the silence.

#give/take #ienzo #riku #ienzoku #ienzo/riku #ienzo is trans

2 notes · View notes

astridflowers · 4 years

Text

Pins and Needles (SacklerxReader) (1/?)

This is my first attempt at writing but I felt inspired x I Hope you enjoy.

https://my.w.tt/povTqX0rq9

"Flowers!" mark called from the kitchen in your studio. Mark was the senior artist at the studio, Eye of the Needle. He liked to call you flowers as you had recently dyed your hair purple and he said it made you look like Ramona Flowers from the Scott Pilgrim comics, which you took as a complement overall. "What's wrong ?" You called back putting down your sketchbook and rising from the sofa that was near the entrance at the shop. It was usually reserved for customers as they waited but was a great spot to curl up in and just draw when you had a quiet day like today. "When is anything ever wrong" he replied whilst walking towards you with two steaming cups. " I thought you would just like a coffee you've been sat in your nest for hours" he smirked. You took the mug from him and took a big sip. You all but moaned at the warm comforting taste. "Your too good to me" you sighed. "Yeah,yeah I know your eviction notice is in the post" he winked. You gave him a glare then sat back down on the couch. You worked in a small tattoo studio in New York. It was you mark and two other artists Rebecca and Phil but they weren't in today. You moved to New York a year ago from England so your accent was always a conversation starter and ice breaker to new clients you worked on. Apparently having a british accent in New York made you pretty much an alien and you got a lot of requests to repeat words back to them as "everything sounds soo much better with your accent". So far you loved New York and you had a few regular clients but your social life was all but none existent out side of the shop. You lived in an apartment by yourself with your German Shepard dog Bear and your bearded dragon Eggy who you had recently rescued and besides coming to work,the store and the occasional trip to the gym you didn't really get out much. It had just turned four PM and mark let out a loud sigh as he stretched and walked over to the front desk."You don't have to hand around here flowers, ill probably close up a little early as I doubt they'll be many walk ins today". "It's ok I honestly have nothing else on " you smiled not looking up from your drawing you finished a while ago and we're just procrastinating shading in parts you already had. "Nah not allowed a young thing like you needs to be out,live a little go see your friends" he started to make shooing motions with his hands you looked up and flared at him "yeah that's not me" you replied. "Come on Y/N you seriously have nothing else you'd rather be doing then on this sofa listening to me". "Besides here home and gym I don't do anything and I like my routine" you smiled. He made a disgusted face "can't stand those gym places you'll never get me in there and look at me the picture of fitness" he flexed his heavily tattooed arms making you giggle. Mark wasn't unfit in anyway if anything he was quiet attractive he was a good bit older then you and he had long hair in a low pony tail,usually sporting black T-shirts and jeans with sleeves on both his arms they covered in beautiful artwork he'd acquired over the years and often told you stories about they're meanings and the artists. "You should try it" you laughed back "it's fun". He looked at you with a serious face "you disgust me flowers" his voice was monotone but you could see his mouth smirk slightly. You in no way were the image of a gym bunny with a height of 5ft 3 and your body was quite curvy. You didn't mind though you actually loved your hips and butt, you mainly went to the gym as you liked the excersize it made you feel good. "Well I suppose I could go there for a hour it's been a while since I've done any sort of workout" you thought. "Ok then if you want me gone soo badly, I know where I'm not wanted" you dramatically got up from the couch and marched to your leather jacket on the hook."good your scaring away the customers" he winked as you put on your jacket and grabbed your keys. "See you tomorrow grumpy" you laughed as you started to walk back to your apartment.

You got in the door greeted by an excited bear and grabbed a bag and started to pack a towel your water bottle and your gym clothes. "I know buddy it's good to see you too" you scratched behind the dogs ear "I'll be back in a hour I promise" you said as you made your way back out of the apartment.

You arrived at the gym and you were soo happy to see it was quiet in there too just a few people on the weights and a few more on the treadmills but overall not busy. You didn't mind when it was but you just felt like you could get more into your workouts with a quieter atmosphere. You did some squats, light weights and were now doing a fast walk on the tread mill when you heard a familiar accent "I thought that was you Y/N!" Jessa, a frequent client of yours ran up to you. You slowed down your machine to a stop and then jumped off to talk to her. "Oh my god hey" you smiled Jessa was in a vest and shorts with her long blonde hair in a messy bun, how the hell did she always look so effortlessly pretty you thought. " I didn't know you came here" you smiled. "Oh fuck no,well not usually" she laughed "Adams been trying to get me to excersize saying I'll feel better and he gets a runners high but I dunno I'm not feeling it" she shrugged looking around the room. She was physically tiny and didn't look like she'd sweat at all. "Well I guess it's not for everyone" you laughed. "Yeh but after least I can say I've tried it and he'll get off my back" she laughed. Adam ? Oh now you remember Jessa had mentioned a on and off again partner she had during one of your sessions. "Adam ? That's your boyfriend right" she nodded " yeah , well currently we're kind of off and on for a while now but we're good" she shrugged again you just smiled and nodded. "Wanna get out of here and go for a coffee or something " she asked. You thought about it for a second before marks voice in your head appeared maybe you did need to socialise and have friends. "Erm sure sounds good just need to change" you smiled she nodded and you both walked to the changing room.

Jessa went into a one of the shower stalls saying she wanted to have a quick shower even though she didn't look like she's sweat at all. You started to change in-front of your locker as there was no one else in the changing room. You stripped and changed into your clean underwear you'd packed a loud bang of a door somewhere outside startled you but after standing for a minute with silence you continued and slipped on your new shirt. Another loud bang,a door a bit closer to the changing rooms. You again paused but then grabbed your ripped jeans out of your bag and bent down to slip them on. The changing room door swung open behind you and you heard a "oh ..wow fuck" you spun round quickly pulling up your pants fast to cover your bare ass. You were greeted to a beast of a man easily over 6 foot with long shaggy dark hair and a goatee. If you hadn't just flashed this guy you'd say he was gorgeous. His voice broke you out of your staring "Erm sorry, shit erm " he was rubbing his facial hair as he spoke clearly embarrassed or nervous. "I didn't mean to , I'm not meant to be i here clearly , I was, there was no one out there I was trying to get into the gym" you had to smile at how clustered he was or maybe it was because you were extremely attracted to him. "Hey don't worry you were a few minutes too late for a full show don't worry about it " you laughed and winked pulling your leather jacket over your shoulders trying to make light of it to calm him down. He met your eyes and smiled "well damn" he laughed showing his strong dimples. He was still looking you over, now it was your turn to be nervous. "Erm yeh well the main gym is straight down the hall big doors" you smiled still mentioning the staring competition he was just about to open his mouth to speak again when Jessa's voice broke your stare "Those showers are fucking freezing I'm not kidding" she was walking over with a towel over her head drying her hair when she looked up at the man who was still on the doorway. "Adam!?" Shit. "That's Adam?" You almost choked.You got in the door greeted by an excited bear and grabbed a bag and started to pack a towel your water bottle and your gym clothes. “I know buddy it’s good to see you too” you scratched behind the dogs ear “I’ll be back in a hour I promise” you said as you made your way back out of the apartment.

You arrived at the gym and you were soo happy to see it was quiet in there too just a few people on the weights and a few more on the treadmills but overall not busy. You didn’t mind when it was but you just felt like you could get more into your workouts with a quieter atmosphere. You did some squats, light weights and were now doing a fast walk on the tread mill when you heard a familiar accent “I thought that was you Y/N!” Jessa, a frequent client of yours ran up to you. You slowed down your machine to a stop and then jumped off to talk to her. “Oh my god hey” you smiled Jessa was in a vest and shorts with her long blonde hair in a messy bun, how the hell did she always look so effortlessly pretty you thought. “ I didn’t know you came here” you smiled. “Oh fuck no,well not usually” she laughed “Adams been trying to get me to excersize saying I’ll feel better and he gets a runners high but I dunno I’m not feeling it” she shrugged looking around the room. She was physically tiny and didn’t look like she’d sweat at all. “Well I guess it’s not for everyone” you laughed. “Yeh but after least I can say I’ve tried it and he’ll get off my back” she laughed. Adam ? Oh now you remember Jessa had mentioned a on and off again partner she had during one of your sessions. “Adam ? That’s your boyfriend right” she nodded “ yeah , well currently we’re kind of off and on for a while now but we’re good” she shrugged again you just smiled and nodded. “Wanna get out of here and go for a coffee or something “ she asked. You thought about it for a second before marks voice in your head appeared maybe you did need to socialise and have friends. “Erm sure sounds good just need to change” you smiled she nodded and you both walked to the changing room . Jessa went into a one of the shower stalls saying she wanted to have a quick shower even though she didn’t look like she’s sweat at all. You started to change in-front of your locker as there was no one else in the changing room. You stripped and changed into your clean underwear you’d packed a loud bang of a door somewhere outside startled you but after standing for a minute with silence you continued and slipped on your new shirt. Another loud bang,a door a bit closer to the changing rooms. You again paused but then grabbed your ripped jeans out of your bag and bent down to slip them on. The changing room door swung open behind you and you heard a “oh ..wow fuck” you spun round quickly pulling up your pants fast to cover your bare ass. You were greeted to a beast of a man easily over 6 foot with long shaggy dark hair and a goatee. If you hadn’t just flashed this guy you’d say he was gorgeous. His voice broke you out of your staring “Erm sorry, shit erm “ he was rubbing his facial hair as he spoke clearly embarrassed or nervous. “I didn’t mean to , I’m not meant to be i here clearly , I was, there was no one out there I was trying to get into the gym” you had to smile at how clustered he was or maybe it was because you were extremely attracted to him. “Hey don’t worry you were a few minutes too late for a full show don’t worry about it “ you laughed and winked pulling your leather jacket over your shoulders trying to make light of it to calm him down. He met your eyes and smiled “well damn” he laughed showing his strong dimples. He was still looking you over, now it was your turn to be nervous. “Erm yeh well the main gym is straight down the hall big doors” you smiled still mentioning the staring competition he was just about to open his mouth to speak again when Jessa’s voice broke your stare “Those showers are fucking freezing I’m not kidding” she was walking over with a towel over her head drying her hair when she looked up at the man who was still on the doorway. “Adam!?” Shit. “That’s Adam?” You almost choked.

#adam sackler imagine #adam sackler #adam sackler x reader #adam sackler smut #adam driver imagines #adam driver fic

5 notes · View notes

tapedeck-archive · 4 years

Text

20 questions tag

tagged by @lovely-tea-petals thank you! ily <3

- what do you prefer to be called name wise? just my name, Emma lol! tho i’m not super comfy with how fem it is

- when’s your birthday? july 10 :)

- where do you live? indiana, US

- three things you are doing right now? procrastinating my hw! thinking about hannibal, eating a bao bun :)

- four fandoms that have piqued your interest? i’m not sure if this is asking what i’m interested in getting into, or which fandoms im in right now! but rn i’m super into hannibal, killing eve, community, and psych. from the outside looking in, i’m interested in the owl house, gentleman jack, the magicians, and gotham ig

- how has the pandemic been treating you? ok ish, i mean i’m not very social anyway so it hasn’t affected me too much. i’m back at uni, too! the hardest parts of quarantine had nothing to do with the pandemic, more about some Tough Shit happening in my life

- a song you can’t stop listening to right now? You Are the Apple, by Lady Lamb! hm also though, billie eilish’s more recent songs (bc of h*nnibal)

- recommend a movie? The Old Guard (netflix), and Hustlers !!!

- school, university, occupation, other? I go to DePauw University. i have a job too, i work for the university as a sewist. right now we’re just making masks for the singers

- do you prefer heat or cold? cold!! i love layering, and the weather is just a lot nicer to me

- name one fact others may not know about you? my friends know everything about me lmao! but for my followers who don’t know me as well, the fun fact I always tell people is that i was a baby model in Japan lol

- are you shy? i used to think i was, but i’m just introverted. if i don’t need to talk to someone, i won’t. if i have to talk to someone out of necessity, i will! but if i want to talk to someone, it’s harder to get there because i have anxiety lmao

- biggest pet peeve? not really sure. right now, since i’m frustrated with my homework, i’m most peeved by academic gate-keeping. i hate that academics use such big words and complex sentences to sound smarter. just say what u need to say pls lol i can’t read

- rate your life 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be: weird question! idk, 5 i guess

- what’s your main blog? this one~

- list your side blogs and what they’re used for: 👀 the one i’m most active on right now is @shawnisbi and it’s multifandom but mostly hannibal. i also have @uglybrother for random stuff. i have other sideblogs that are just for personal organization so u don’t need to know lol. i have another account tho! @willowcreme for dark academia and cottagecore, and @packhunters is another sideblog for quotes n shit

- is there anything people need to know about you before becoming friends? just a disclaimer: i am mentally ill lol. SO i get anxious replying to the simplest texts, it takes ages. and i struggle with expressing emotions and just communicating in general.

I'll tag @magdalenas, @purdymow44, anyone else who wants to do this! i’d love to read your responses if you do

#tagged #sorry it took so long to do this i didn't forget!#i just am so stressed rn lol

2 notes · View notes

nehawriter16 · 4 years

Text

5.11.19 - my life is falling apart and other updates.

Hello internet.

Just wanted to talk today. I like Tumblr because not many people I know follow me on here. Also there isn’t a word limit, and sometimes a girl just wants to rant.

So this is me releasing all my thoughts into the world today.

1. ACADEMICS

I quit chartered accountancy. Just woke up one day, and told my parents I couldn’t do it anymore. That was a long week at home, and I know they’re disappointed in me. All along I’ve been a bright student, somebody who never disappointed and they could brag about at dinner parties. But this course cut me open. It hurt me, it sent me crumbling and it dragged me through hell. In the movie Dear Zindagi, Alia Bhatt is in therapy and Shahrukh Khan tells her that sometimes we keep doing the hard thing because we think we have to. And we forget that its okay to pick an easy way. I guess that’s what I’m doing. I’m choosing the easier way because the harder way made me unhappy, it made me unhappy to the point where I didn’t want to be alive anymore.

So the new plan is that I will give my GRE and apply to Masters in Finance courses in the US. Preferably in the STEM field, because its easy to get a work visa after graduating if you’re a STEM graduate. Do I think this is the perfect career path for me? No, absolutely not. But do I think it will do me good to finally move the fuck out of home, have a change of continent, meet some new people, and have the college experience I always felt I missed out on? Yes.

So this is what we’re doing. My GRE is in 12 days. I am barely prepared.

2. DRIVE/PASSION

I always had a passion for writing. I knew when I discovered it that it not only brought me joy, but I was pretty damn good at it. Unfortunately being brown, and coming from a family of people who had all built their career from scratch by making practical decisions, because they didn’t have a choice due to their humble backgrounds, I was always told that writing was a futile thing and would just be a hobby, not something to be looked at as a career option. I disagreed. Having made a bit of money from it now, I still disagree.

But I’ve been brought up in the lap of luxury and I have a pretty high standard of living. I like my weekly Starbucks and I go to bars that don’t have happy hours. I enjoy the bimonthly staycation in a fancy hotel, and I hate repeating outfits and thoroughly enjoy fashion, so I’m always buying new clothes. It makes me happy to look good.

So yeah, I agree that since I haven’t had the liberty to pursue writing full time, I haven’t yet found a way to make a living from it. Maybe it’s a risk, and a back up plan is advisable. But all I know is writing is the only thing I feel like waking up to do. Even now, when my life is falling apart, it’s the only thing that makes sense to me.

Growing up I was always a hardworking student. And if I wasn’t, my Mom made me that way. She would yell if I got bad marks, and she always encouraged that I at least be in the top ten in class. Even the school I went to was pretty much only concerned with academics. And so due to the environment and brainwashing, I did well. I stayed in the 90 percent lane all my life, all the way up to twelfth grade. In my junior college I had two of the worst years of my life. I was molested by my co caption for months on end, and I couldn’t escape him. It was constant mental, emotional and physical turmoil, more so because I couldn’t tell anyone. Despite how insanely difficult it was to spend six hours every day in the place where my molester showed up every day, I still managed to keep my grades high. I scored 92 percent, and my parents were happy.

I had no passion for finance, but since I had proved to be so bright, my parents said the only thing to do now was four years of Chartered Accountancy. After that, my life would be sorted. I passed the first level by studying for 2 months, while other people attended classes for a year. I passed the second level too. I got into one of the biggest global multiconsulting firms in the world for my internship, and my parents were happy. My life was on track, and it didn’t matter that I was crying in the cabs home from work because I was so miserable. It didn’t matter as long as the plan was being followed. After all, the plan was being followed and I was so goddamn close to the finish line.

Two years into my internship I decided I needed to quit, or at least shift to a smaller firm. The pressures in this one were too much and I was so sad I could barely make it out of bed. So I told my parents I needed to study for my finals, and they got me out of it. My mental health was derailing – but oh boy, was this just the beginning. I moved to a smaller firm and pretended to stay home on the weekends and study. Instead, all I did was lay in bed with YouTube videos playing on loop because I couldn’t bear to be alone with my thoughts.

2017 was the year my boyfriend broke up with me too, so all kinds of shit was hitting the fan at the same time. I was fucked up in every way. I started using alcohol to fall asleep, to wake up, to do pretty much anything actually. To engage in social situations, I’d carry around a quarter in my bag and drink it in the cab. It eased my anxiety and helped me smile at people in a more convincing way.

2018 sucked. So did 2019. These two years are a blurry flatline in my head. I have been drowning like the ground I walk on is quicksand, and the more I struggle to get out, the more it pulls me in. When I look back at my life’s work in the past two years, I see nothing. Nothing that counts as an achievement anyway.

I wasted them while everybody else was putting in the work to get into ivy league schools or pass exams, get their first real jobs kickstarted. I lay in bed and watched every tv show there was to watch with the curtains drawn. I ran through horrible men and gave my body up to practical strangers that I felt nothing for, and the ones I liked left me, like they always do. Yeah, I wrote two books. Made enough money to support my alcohol addiction, my shopping habits, my vacations and staycations. I blew it all off on the temporary ride of whatever would bring me happiness in the moment.

I lost myself. I lost myself to illness and addiction and worthless friends and denial. I’m still lost. I used to have a drive in my body, something that said wake up and get things done today. Instead, I’ve been doing the zombie shuffle through my own life. Sometimes I wake up and my first thought is – “How long till this day is over.” I count the hours until I can crawl back into bed, till its an acceptable time to go to sleep. Because the only place I don’t feel like my brain has a fucking dense fog rolling through it is when I’m sleeping.

I used to be brilliant, and I’ve lost my shine. I’ve lost my willpower, my ability to be the hardest working person in the room. I have gotten self destructive to the point where I procrastinate and procrastinate and then it’s too late for everything. I am so fucked up, you have no idea.

I don’t know what I should do to bring that feeling of wanting to do something perfectly back. You know, the feeling of studying so hard you know everything on the test. The feeling of being the best, no questions asked. The feeling of answering questions in class and submitting assignments on time and just…enjoying the process of academia that I used to love so much. But I guess in depression, your brain sort of grows old and tired. It can’t remember things. It doesn’t want to move, or think, or do anything difficult.

My memory is deteriorating and the moments I’m supposed to remember and the information I should retain? It gets lost more often than not. And I am so scared to assess the scale of this incompetency that I just don’t even try because whenever I do, it’s all so overwhelming and all the trauma from Chartered Accountancy comes swirling back to hit me in the head.

3. BODY IMAGE

As a result of my constant sadness, I had to find ways to make myself happy. The periods of happiness lasted for a short while, but I rode the highs to the fullest because I knew the darkness would be back eventually. I turned to alcohol and marijuana and nicotine, to the point where every three or four days I would need one or the other, if not all three in combination. I would drink every night to be able to fall asleep. In my cupboard there is a special collection of all the wine bottles that have acted as sleeping pills.

I also began to eat junk food, because carbohydrates make you happy before they make you feel like shit. All addictions are like that, actually. Swiggy was my best friend, and my array of lovers : greasy Chinese, McDonalds, any dessert place – just whatever was bad for your skin, fattening, but would be brought to you by a wonderful man on a bike no matter what the weather was, and was easy to eat and throw all evidence of out later and forget that somewhere on my body, this food would settle into another ugly layer.

In the middle I got sick of myself and went to the gym, started going at it hard. My body improved and the endorphins were definitely helping, but a few months in I stopped waking up. My brain said it didn’t want to anymore, and I, the slave to my depression, caved and listened. I haven’t been since. The swiggy orders keep coming in every day and I keep throwing the containers into the trash, changing quickly from one outfit into another so I don’t have to see what I look like naked.

But I know. I somehow hate myself for the disgust I have for certain parts of my body, and then for the part of me that knows it wants to “fix” them all, but is in constant battle with the part of me that says I shouldn’t feel guilty for taking up space or for being a curvy girl. But body positivity isn’t about a number on a scale, its just about whether you like your reflection in the mirror, whether it makes you happy. Mine hasn’t made me happy in a long time. But then again, what the fuck has?

Sometimes I’m in trial rooms with harsh lighting and I just stare at myself and call myself horrible names. I keep the lights off when boys come over and the clothes come off. I keep saying, “I have to lose 10 kgs,” but I keep ordering from Swiggy every time a depressive episode rolls in to make it go away.

I keep setting deadlines, like, “After this month, I will cut out sugar!” and “After this exam, I will go back to the gym!” but then I fuck up and I’m like, oh well. Maybe next month.

The bottom line is I despise my body and the way it’s started to look. It doesn’t help that my Instagram feed is full of women with perfect skin, defined abs, and perky butts with chiselled features. I want all of that. I want to feel beautiful, and beautiful is hard work. Which, of course, my brain pines after, but never actually lets me get out of bed to do.

4. DATING/LOVE

My last serious relationship ended in 2017. I briefly dated somebody exclusively in the beginning of 2019, but he turned out to be the biggest asshole of them all, and “didn’t realise” he was using me to get over his ex-girlfriend. He broke up with me over text, pretty much cheated on me, didn’t even explain himself until I found out from some mutual friends. After that I was done, I couldn’t take love anymore. I couldn’t let anybody in because every relationship I’ve ever been in has ended with me being the second choice or me being dumped or betrayed and left hurt and broken for years.

The trauma is too much. So I decided I was never going to let anybody leave me again or enter my life and find a permanent place in it. I became the biggest fuckboy of them all, despite my conscience that has always been a good, kind and sensitive thing. This player thing really isn’t for me, but it was fun for a while to trump boys and play mind games and make them feel inadequate about themselves, to stand them up and never call back and ask them to leave my house after I had gotten what I wanted, to only call when I wanted it again.

I purposely picked out the worst, baddest ones. Then I tamed them by being even worse than they were. In May I began speaking to somebody who was fun and hilarious and good looking and well off and who made my brain feel alive again. Every time he texted me I caught myself smiling, and all our conversations consisted of saying witty sarcastic things to each other. We went on one date and he kissed me in the car, but for some reason in real life his life was so different from mine, that I declared the kiss good (he put his hand in my hair and grabbed, in a non hurtful but very I’m-super-into-this way, ooofff) and the date a disaster. I don’t know whether I was just in denial of my now strongly sprouting crush, or whether I actually hated it.

As the months passed, I tried to get him to go out with me again. I’m not much of a pursuer, because I have always been the one who gets pursued. But this boy was different. We would talk a lot over DM and we would make fun of each other and his life was fabulous and exciting and I watched from the outside, and built him into a much grander version of who he is in real life. I do that. What made him even more attractive was that he didn’t want me, and I couldn’t figure out for the love of God why not. I thought I was the whole package, and I even started to act out a little bit in the psycho way he told me he liked his women, which is SO TOXIC but I had actually felt something for somebody after so long that I didn’t even backtrack. Anyway, it soon became clear that it was not going to lead anywhere because he just disappointed me, didn’t show up, and my ego took a hit. I let it go, mostly. Or I will, as time passes.

I think I deserve love. Not the makes you feel good and carries your bag when its heavy kind. I deserve the love that I am ready to give – the grand romantic gestures that would be so dumb, but somehow he makes them work. The cant live without you love. The we’re best friends and teammates and nothing, not even distance, not our past demons, will keep us from making it work. I want the kind of person who is so sure of who they are, so internally confident, and so absolutely sure that I am their soulmate that I convinces me. I don’t want to meet a lot of wrong boys, goddamnit. I’ve done my fair share of the wrong boys, I’ve paid my dues for the amount of hurt one person is supposed to have. Now I just want the right one.

Deep down, I know he’s not here. Not in this city, because that would just be a cruel joke. Imagine meeting your soulmate and then having to go to college in six months. Fucking shit. If the universe even pities me a little bit, it wont do that to me.

I sometimes wonder if my life only stays on track if my romantic life is going well. I mean, when I dated my last serious boyfriend, I had it all – I was skinny. I had a prestigious internship. I was passing my exams. The writing was flourishing. This is a very scary thought, because I don’t want to depend or co exist on somebody else for my happiness in any way. But I cant deny the fact that my entire life fell apart when that last boy, who I loved with all my heart, broke up with me. It hasn’t been quite the same since.

His life is going spectacularly well, though. Lots of women and a great job and enough money to buy plane tickets to different cities to meet these women when he wouldn’t even drive down three hours to see me in a neighbouring town. I hate how unfair life is. He’s found some amazing people that he has feelings for, that like him back, even though he’s the one who broke my heart. And I still haven’t found a single person who even makes it to the second date, and the only one who did was just using me as a placeholder while his cheating ex girlfriend took a vacation from their relationship. So how the fuck is that fair? Am I being given the worst kind of experiences because my broken heart produces a special brand of my best writing? If yes, then I’m tired. I’d rather be a mediocre writer, but I cant spend my whole life being abandoned and cheated on and dumped and taken for granted, especially when the kind of love I can give is loyal and abundant and pure.

That’s it. Those are my issues, or some of them. Honestly I’m tired of typing and want to retire to my safe space that is my bed, and the deep dark comfort of unconsciousness. I just thought I might feel better if I could release this into the world, before I feel a little better and write another post manifesting what I envision my life to be next year.

If you made it to the end, you truly love me and care for me. Thanks for sticking with me, I guess. I hope things get better. I used to say that the good thing about rock bottom is that there’s nowhere to go but up. I wish there was some kind of tracker that told you when you’d actually hit rock bottom, because all I do is keep on fucking sinking deeper and deeper.

#personal #life update #writing #fucked up

4 notes · View notes