#apologies to everyone who’s followed me from this

[createdbytragedy]

MY GIRLFRIEND (2)

(1)

Pairing: Choi Beomgyu x reader

Genre: Fluff, crack

Warning: Established relationship, cursing , idol! au, Hueningkai is referred to as only kai because I didn't know his spelling (lol), a brief mention of Yeonjun's gf

"Me and (y/n)'s going on a date this Saturday," Beomgyu announced, entering the room with eyes on his phone where he was probably texting his girlfriend.

"This Saturday? I thought we were all going out together to get ramen at the old shop again," Soobin chimed, looking up from his phone.

"Yeah," Yeonjun added, " we haven't been there in a while. You remember how we used to go there when we were trainees?"

"With sweat and bruises on my knees, yes, I do remember." Taehyun added, earning a few chuckles from the boy beside him.

"The owner invited us. Who knows, we might get a free meal," Kai resorted.

"We're not saying you should cancel the date but -," Yeonjun said and grinned," unless you wanna miss the heavenly ramen."

"No, it's okay," Beomgyu said, flopping beside Soobin," (y/n) would be mad if I cancelled with you guys. "

"Wouldn't she be more mad that you cancelled on the date?" Taehyun questioned, raising a brow. Beomgyu shook his head, picking up his phone to send you a text.

"No, actually, " he said, eyes on the phone and fingers typing, " She actually got more mad when I cancel on you guys. Says I should bond with my "boys" often. " He chuckled, mind wandering back to the moment.

"She's so sweet. Such an angel." Kai added, resting his head on Beomgyu's shoulder to peer at his phone.

"So you mean she doesn't get angry often?" Yeonjun asked, looking pretty surprised at the statement.

"No, she's really patient," Beomgyu smiled," she usually tolerates everything."

"Unlike you." Soobin snickered followed by the others.

"So, like, you guys don't argue? " Yeonjun questioned, now looking really shocked as if Beomgyu had suddenly asked for both of his kidneys, " Me and my girl argue over the smallest of things. She hasn't talked to me in 3 days and maybe I should apologize."

Beomgyu turned off his phone and looked at Yeonjun, " Me and my girl don't argue. She tells me to shut the fuck up and I do," he added, pointing his phone towards him.

"You never shut up when we tell you to," Soobin countered, "That's cause she's my girlfriend. She gets privileges, " He replied, getting up to walk out the door.

"Your corny. Get out of my sight. " Taehyun mocked, pushing Beomgyu out by the shoulder.

"I don't wanna be with singles like you people either. I'm gonna go face time with (y/n)!! " He exclaimed, shoving Taehyun off his shoulder.

"Tell (y/n) noona I said hi," Kai adds, peeking over Taehyun's shoulder.

"Get out already," Soobin shouted earning a glare from Beomgyu.

"Fine! I am going to my room," He shouted angrily, loud enough to wake up a person sleeping if there were any," don't you dare come in at midnight to snatch your charger or snacks or socks or I'm gonna lock you in the closet till morning, get it?!" His voice was still clear even though he was out of the room and was walking in the hallway.

"Goodnight, hyung!," Kai shouted from the door.

And from the other side of the room they could hear Beomgyu yell," I'm only wishing a goodnight to (y/n), rest of you can have nightmares!!"

And with that, a door slammed shut and laughter erupted in the room.

"Gosh, he's down so bad," Soobin laughed, slapping his hand on Yeonjun 's shoulder.

"He wouldn't survive a day without (y/n). " Taehyun said, shaking his head.

"We wouldn't survive a day without (y/n). Apparently, she's the only one who can keep his ego in check and make him shut up without having to stuff tissue papers into his mouth," Yeonjun concluded, the other nod.

"But, they look so happy," Huening smiled.

"Yeah, sure they do. Maybe I should also start shutting up when my girl tells me to," Yeonjun said, earning a laugh from everyone. Then they heard another laughter joining them from the other room.

"Only (y/n) can make Beomgyu laugh like that. "

#Beomgyu #choi beomgyu x reader #choi beomgyu #txt #txt drabble #txt x reader #txt fluff #fanfiction #kpop #txt post #txt scenarios #beomgyu fluff #beomgyu x reader

[ironvy]

Vestiges Of You.

Aventurine x fem! reader; not proofread, this was supposed to be a 300 words drabble lmao?? wordcount; 804.

everything i feel returns to you somehow, consuming me to the core, i'll be gone by midnight; goodbye.

There is a bit of you at the beach.

Aventurine gazes whilst the sun gradually inches down, orange in hue, it mildly kisses the horizon; two souls intertwined. Standing on top of a building in the city, a March spring breeze wafts past him, and the smell of oleanders trails it.

The scene is familiar, to a distant one on the beach. The solitude, the oleanders you used to grow, the sun cozily inching down your wall, the ripples of the waves against the shore, the medley accompanying it, as you pluck the strings with a plectrum, pressing strings against frets with your opposite hand simultaneously.

Your black cat leaps on his lap, it purrs against his stomach, and he strokes it.

‘remember when we first met?’ you pause. ‘we had plenty to discuss. Now, only silence remains…’

‘you know,’ you continue. ‘I guess, the moral of time, is that… you never became jaded by my presence; our meaningless conversations, or this comfortable silence.’

Aventurine does not reply. He merely grabs your hand, and squeezes it reassuringly, pulls it towards his lips as he plants a kiss.

There is a bit of you in April.

Your window flung open, the breeze emerging in carries a scent of peach, a warm sun beams at your back, at your oil paint-stained white shirt. The neighbourhood is extremely quiet, everyone’s inside their home, with fans nudging the cool air at their faces.

‘don’t you feel like going back inside yet? It’s hot,’ Aventurine starts. He anticipates a response from an instance, but you appeared rather too resolute on your painting—it was of an orchard of apricot trees, the leaves and branches shimmering with heat-haze.

‘I don’t think so, I’ll finish this one first,’ you mutter, cautiously painting a cloud. ‘I love April. In it, my ideas are always inventive, sharp, and tender. Do you get it?’

Aventurine hums as he nods. His gaze wanders off toward the market nearby—a mother with brown sunglasses on exits with her young child, who’s wailing. ‘Icecream?’

‘Yeah, vanilla flavour please.’

There is a bit of you in black polished heels.

‘I’ve always loved the sound of heels against the flooring,’ you mutter, bending over as you tie the ankle straps of the heels—black, polished leather; a gift from Aventurine. When you’re done, you tap continually on the floor, and it sounds akin to an exaggerated film soundtrack. ‘it sounds like learning to walk away, from what was never mine to ever have…’

Aventurine raises a brow, ‘did you have a tough past?’

‘Partially, though what am I if not a little hardship? Which reminds me, you never told me much about your past…?’

He offers a half-hearted smile, as he averts his gaze. ‘…The heels suit you, are you sure they are your size?’ ( I apologize; I don’t want to bring it up, I don’t want you to pity me. )

‘Yeah…’ you half-heartedly mutter, removing the heels. ( do you not trust me? )

There is a bit of you in his muddy teacup.

‘Regrets,’ you mumble over the counter. Aventurine stares as you fiddle with your teaspoon—like lifting the world’s edge, like unravelling its threads, apathetically, perfunctorily. His teacup simply lies before him, long cold, and muddy-looking. ‘I have many… so do you.’

A train passes over the railings nearby, quick against the steel, unlike your stagnant manoeuvres, followed by a mysterious silence of what hangs in the atmosphere, and remains unspoken. ‘are you not exhausted of lying?’

‘I never lied to you about a single thing,’ he replies.

‘But you don’t trust me, with anything, at all— regardless of who is in your life, you still seem to have the same disgusting thoughts about yourself; it never stops, it never goes away. I wish I could…’ You place the teaspoon down, the tone of your voice gradually creaking. ‘Take away your blues. I have.. many selfless wishes for you. I wish you would take care of yourself, I wish you would cherish every instant of this ephemeral lifetime, I wish you would relinquish the past; that was then, this is now. Yet you’ve always been a bitter man, and it makes me bitter, too. I hope you will understand, that is all I have to say…’

Reality begins to melt away, in the darkness, akin to a candle’s wax, in the heat of a flame. Everything feels as if it occurred a long time ago, in a far-off world, out of reach. Or, is it occurring in the future, in an alternative far-off world?

( have you seen my lover? The one that owned the beach, April’s beauty, the black leather heels I purchased, my muddy teacup, my dreams, my heart? )

There is a bit of you in all he is.

ironvy, 2024. do not copy, share, repost, or re-upload my work on any website without prior consent.

#hsr #honkai star rail #aventurine honkai star rail #aventurine x reader #hsr aventurine #hsr x reader #aventurine #aventurine hsr

[fuyukohasnocreativity]

-date-

featured character ☆ itoshi sae

tag(s): fluff! ☆

apologies if this is out of character, again TT TT

______________________________________________________________

༊*·˚

        It was two o'clock in the morning and you couldn't fall asleep. Sae, who was next to you, his head, nuzzling against your back, was sleeping peacefully. It was cute to see him soundlessly sleeping against you but that's not the reason why you couldn't fall asleep. You grabbed your phone from the wooden night stand next to you and started going on Instagram. You were scrolling and saw that some of your friends were posting pictures of places they were going with their partner. But of course, Sae always comes home late, either training or having a soccer tournament. What are the chances of him spending quality time with you or go on outings? Quite rare to be honest. You then go on Google to search up "Things to do for couples", the results were going to a cafe or hiking, maybe going to an expensive mall but obviously you don't need anything from expensive malls since they're all Chanel or Louis Vuitton, fancy fancy fancy brands...  You could feel Sae shift positions. The next thing you knew, he was awake, rubbing his right eye. Although your phone's brightness was on the lowest, he still somehow woke up. "Y/n? How come you're still awake?" he asks, perhaps still half awake. He then turns on the mini white ceramic lamp next to him. You turn of your phone and held it tight, "Um... The thing is, I couldn't fall asleep. Because I wanted to do something fun with you tomorrow, like a date. But I mean, you don't have to go with me and I'm aware that you don't have much time either... I was just researching places to go, nothing else." You let out a small, weak smile, in the process of battling the urge of wanting to cry a little since you barely got to spend time with Sae. Suddenly, Sae got up, walked to the nightstand next to you and kneeled down. He opened the lowest drawer and got out a folded sheet of paper, written with black ink. He then hands the piece of lined paper to you. "Here, it's a list of all the things we could do together. The front has outdoor and indoor activities and the back has things we could do at home..." Sae looked away, from slight embarrassment. His cheeks were lightly tinted with a shade of pink, and he definitely avoided eye contact with you.

        Your face instantly lights up, eyes widened completely. "When did you have time for all of this?!" "I wrote it during breaktime, since I was bored. Everyone wanted to know what I was writing..." You bursted out laughing, "What did you tell them? I'm so curious!" "I told them directly that it was for you..." your face was instantly flushed with pink. There was a long pause of awkward silence until Sae pointed at the list of activities "Go ahead, you can pick anything." you nodded, to agree. Still, it was quite shocking that he told everyone that he was dating you, etc. You looked at the sheet of paper and the following list of activities listed. You then made up your mind, wanting to go to a café with Sae. "Hey, should we go to a café and walk around after?" "Anything you'd like." Sae smiled. You jump on Sae and gave him a big hug, smiling with joy. Sae gave you a kiss on the lips, and your cheeks. The two of you continue to stay in each other's embrace. 

       "Say, when do you want to go to that café?" you ask curiously, looking up at Sae. Sae didn't answer until ten seconds later, "Today. At ten o'clock, we'll leave." "Sounds like a plan." a few minutes later, your eyelids start to feel heavy and you doze off, still embracing Sae. He gently strokes pieces of your hair, tucking a piece behind your ear. "You need to regain energy first before getting all excited..." he whispered then let out a soft chuckle. 

______________________________________________________________

ty for reading!! just a short drabble i wanted to write, not very long or detailed either.

-fuyuko

©fuyukohasnocreativity do not copy, repost, or translate. likes and reblogs are accepted and appreciated!

#fuyuko-writes #blue lock #anime and manga #anime #manga #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #blue lock x you #bllk x you #blue lock fluff #bllk fluff #bllk x y/n #blue lock x y/n #bllk #blue lock imagines #bllk imagines #itoshi sae #sae itoshi #itoshi sae x reader #sae itoshi x reader #sae x you #itoshi sae x you #blue lock manga #blue lock anime #short drabble #fluff #sae itoshi fluff #itoshi sae fluff #bllk x female reader #blue lock x female reader

[astroyongie]

What are you choosing ?

Note: hey everyone! This is  little something that I have constructed in a way for you to see if you really know yourself but also as a way to heal and understand your inner desires and needs. This is a part of what we call shadow working, hopefully it will help. you are free to do this quietly, or if you want to share with me, feel free to do so <3

How it works?: please choose one option between the two and try to argument within yourself why you chose that 

This or that ?

Question 1

an apology from your father 

a hug from your mother

Question 2

being loved

being able to love

Question 3

your father choosing family over work

holding your childhood pet one last time 

Question 4

a good night kiss

your hair getting brushed and braided

Question 5

the ability to forgive yourself 

finally being heard and understood in your family 

Question 6

“i am proud of you” from your mother

“i love you” from your father

Question 7

reading you favorite childhood book for the first time

a letter from that one friend you one day never heard from again

Question 8

crying in your mother’s arms 

yelling at her all the things you were too afraid to speak out loud

Question 9

not feeling constantly lonely

 not feeling constantly misunderstood

now please choose one number between 1-6. pick the one that you are currently feeling most attracted to. and read your message: 

1- Yeshe Tsogyal: you will be able to overcome all of the obstacles you are currently facing. allow your spiritual guides to guide you through this and trust the process, the path that you are in. surround yourself with the people you know bring you only light into your life, allow yourself to trust them more and to trust yourself as well. by working on your spiritual side you will be able to overcome your shadow self.

2- Yogoni: Of course there’s a lot of changes happening in your life at the moment, but keep in mind that sometimes a door will close in order for another to be opened. trust your path and tell yourself if thighs aren't meant to be because life is trying to limit the pains in your life. stay faithful to yourself and your healing oath, as long as you stay authentic to yourself, you will be able to overcome things 

3- Terra Mater: your mental and spiritual path does not unfold like most people, it is taking a different way but you need to trust the process, as your spiritual guides love you unconditionally and they will help you find peace of mind. follow the new ideas and accept the changement that is happening in your life. your manifestation is strong, use it wisely. you know that goal you have? grasp it. Even if people say that it's stupid and impossible for you to have it, don't let it go and fight for your desires.

4- Beatitude: don't be afraid to show the true you. The only way to heal your inner conflicts and the pain is by accepting and loving who you are. even when things seem so hard to reach, keep walking down the rightful path and trust life. all the difficulties are going to bring you to wisdom and the right path.  

5- Biche: You are only a child that has been hurt. I am so sorry that you had to go through this hard thing. but your energy is able to overcome all of this negativity. you don't need to become something that you are not, your spiritual light is already warm and soft. keep yourself true to your inner core and things will become easier 

6- Volva: your spiritual power can heal your dark self way better than what you think. It's time for you to travel through the spiritual world and engage yourself more. don't try to control what is happening and allow it to unfold before you. instead work on something tangible, on something that will help you healing from all the pain you have suffered

#this or that #psychology

[kernyen-xo]

Here we go. It’s a long one.

My aunt is dying. Any day now, her son told the family. So, everyone flocked to see her, including mom, which entailed a 17-hour train ride from San Diego to Sacramento. My brother and I usually meet up in Bakersfield to deliver the momster because she refuses to fly and now refuses to take the train. Of course, doing the Bakersfield thing is a pain, especially if you’re not a morning person because I have to leave by 4:30 am to make sure I’m in Bakersfield by 10. Now, really, I’m glad for it in the end because I’m back home by 2:30-3p.

This time around, mom had to take the train because she was afraid her sister would die before she got to see her. So, mom was insistent she had to leave asap, which meant no Bakersfield trip since my brother and I had to work.

Easy-peasy.

That is, except this last weekend. Mom arrived Friday night near midnight (17-hour train ride, remember?). The next day we see Auntie Sally. That night, I go to the birthday celebration for me, the kid, and grandkid. Mom didn’t want to go.

Anyway.

I assumed my brother and I would meet up in Bakersfield the following weekend, which is a-ok. I have plenty of time to rest and mentally rev myself for the trip, which is something I need to do. Otherwise, without this precious time, I don’t handle it well.

Guess what? Mom wants to leave the next day. I’m like, wait, what? But, I just say ok and quietly freak out inside. This really changes everything. I tell my granddaughter, who is staying the weekend with me to shower at night, that all she has to do is roll out of bed the next am and get in the car where she can sleep.

Easy-peasy, right?

Except, when we arrive in Bakersfield, my brother is not at our meeting place. He’s always there first - always. The guy is an extreme morning person, up every day by 4am. In fact, I thought it was weird that he didn’t call once asking me for an update of my progress.

Long story short. I know, too late.

He thought the mom delivery wasn’t taking place until the following weekend. I was thinking, ok, we’ll head back home and try this again next weekend. But mom? No way. She refuses to go and suggests I leave her there to wait for my brother. Really? Like, I’d do that, and she knows I’d never do that.

So, after drinking a lot of beverages, shopping at WalMart and Nordstrom’s Rack, my brother arrives. He must have booked it because what’s usually almost a 5-6 hour drive, he made it in 3.

The grandkid and me were home by 6:30. I apologized to her for how the day went. She said, what a day! I agreed. We really didn’t get to spend quality time together. I was supposed to take her home that night, but I was so exhausted that I asked if the kid could take her instead, which she did.

The last-minute trip was hard on me. I remember the days when I could drive in a pinch no problem! Those days are gone. I missed work on Monday to recuperate. Ya, this old gal ain’t what she used to be.

And now, I need to get ready for work.

Thx for reading.

Have a good day :)

Toods!

#this has been a kernyen update #20240425

[egg-oo]

crowley mentions ducks a lot

#Like at least 6 times #good omens #crowley #good omens fanart #my art #< which isnt a tag i have #becuase i dont really post my art on tumblr #edit: waaaa tumbl put me in a post 🥺🥺 honoured #apologies to everyone who’s followed me from this #i really dont post much art let alone gomen stuff

[smallerdelusions]

yeah, i've been like, really into that one japanese series with the blonde, red-jacketed hero with a mechanical arm who's trying to help his brother. He's really self-sacrificing but he's trying his best. The world draws inspiration from western and catholic themes and involves a lot of violence, which our hero stands firmly against.

bonus brothers under the cut:

i don't think Knives and Alphonse would get along...

#fullmetal alchemist #trigun stampede #tristamp #trigun #fma #fmab #im rereading fullmetal and just rewatched trigun stampede which is where this came from #again apologies to everyone who follows me for dragons #it's my blog i'll be cringe if I want to #i also forgot how fucking short ed is he's smaller than meryl #vash the stampede #edward elric #millions knives #alphonse elric #my art #2024

[lyxchen]

"I'm so normal about David Tennant" I say and then I reblog every possible picture of him on an award show in his amazing outfit

#like the little freak i am #to everyone who follows me #i will never apologize for spamming you with a bunch of david tennant pictures all in the same outfit and from similar angles #david tennant #lea's random thoughts

[impishtubist]

You know what would be perfect for Valentines day? If Sirius AND James took turns breeding Remus 💖

That WOULD be perfect for Valentine's Day! I think Remus's present to them both would be to take a fertility potion and let them go to town on him.

It would also be the perfect Seed Moon Fest fic, I'm just sayin'.

#seed moon fest #the informal fest to knock up remus for the seed moon on april 23rd #wolfstarbucks #breed that old man 2024 #i'm not sure what's bringing all the valentine's anons to me but i'm having a great time today #apologies to everyone who follows me from the angel/demon fandom and the dragon fandom though #truly i am so sorry

[tabooiart]

yall KNOW i had to draw the outfit swap they pulled last night

#my art #fanart #beetlebab3s do not interact #beetlejuice #bjtm #beetlejuice the musical #lawrence beetlejuice shoggoth #lydia bjtm #lydia deetz #while i was drawing this i realized i unintentionally gave them reverse eyeshadow from each other in my designs #which is very cute #also i would like to formally apologize to everyone who followed me for beetlejuice. i love u all.

[pushing500]

Comparing 2015 OC art to 2023 OC art

I'm kind of just doing this so I can see the difference, but y'all can look too if you want ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Angsty 2015 vampire OCs (The Berardi brothers). I'd been writing stories about these guys since 2013 but was still working out what I wanted them to look like. Originally only Pascal (the youngest) and Antioco (the oldest) had names, but in my melodramatic teenage scrawling I named more of them and decided that, one day, there would be one hundred vampires in this family...

And so in 2023, I made teenage Gracie proud and drew/came up with backstories for 100 vampires (they're half-vampires now though).

Most of these guys aren't around in the "main timeline" of my oc universe, but there's more than enough art and story on my laptop set in the aptly named "Berardi Timeline" when they were all still alive.

The surviving ones are this bunch here, my lovely boys~

Yeah, I think I can see some improvement in my art. 😂 Hopefully, by the end of 2024, I can look back and see even more!

One day I swear I'll get down to business and write an actual story about one or more of my 600+ OCs, buuuut... not today. Rimworld go brrrrrrrr

#gracie's ocs #art #my art #traditional art #original characters #the Berardi timeline #2015-2023 art comparison #I think teenage Gracie would be proud of me #apologies to those of you who followed me for rimworld content lol #Y'all gotta put up with my cringe ocs from highschool every now and again #They might be cringey #But by god did I have fun drawing them #I love them all so much #I think everyone needs comfort ocs #Maybe not 100 of them but you know #the more the merrier #Have a great day everyone! I love you <3 <3

[pocasu]

finals week 6/12 ootd. morning vs evening

#it got stuffy so i took off the cardigan. and also put longer pants on (WHY IS IT SUDDENLY SO COLD 2 WEEKS INTO JUNE) #i went from riddle to leonacore this is so funny. the former was intentional the latter was not #i apologize to everyone who followed me for art and have only been getting selfies #poca chat #poca face

[crabbypalsart]

ᯓ★ Thank you for following me!!!

No problem, and thank you for following me! 🦀

#I try to follow back everyone I can from my followers list when I have the time (with the exceptions of bots of course) #(As well as just people who like--I don't want interacting with my content as per my carrd--but that's a given.) #Recently though--I have just now learned that I hit the freaking 1000ish follower milestone and I had no freakin idea man! #I hadn't had time to make a post about it--but to all who follow--just know that I am very thankful and appreciative of it! #Its very awesome to know that people enjoy what I make! :•) #I apologize though if you followed me for one specific thing I haven't been making art for though--my interests change when least expected. #X•D #I hope everyone is doing well! Happy Friday! #Me? I got a lot of school work done today and I am exhausted. X•D

[seventh-district]

i feel so bad for the people who follow me for the approximately 2 and a half fandom-related posts i make per year only to then probably realize that i spend the rest of my time vent-posting and oversharing in the tags

#Seven.txt #fr tho shout out to everyone who follows me on this blog specifically. y’all r gods strongest soldiers #and also i’m sorry for being like this lmao #i feel less bad for the ppl that obviously only follow me immediately after i post a selfie. y’all can learn ur lesson the hard way #if u follow me bc u think i’m cute without doing the research to learn that i am also insane.. well buddy that one’s on you #but i do apologize to my fandom girlies (/gender neutral girlies) #i shall be offering up an excerpt from my 40k Astarion fic sometime soon hopefully. as penance #penance isn’t the right word but i’m not retyping all of that #when will tumblr let users edit tags on mobile #and also apologies to my mutuals. i will respond to ur messages eventually i promise. just gotta wait until the horrors of life let up #then my capacity for conversation will return

[eldrai]

Different

This isn’t the most polished or well-rounded but it’s been sat in my drafts for a while as a blueprint for an important scene in another fic so have the beta version, if you will. Still got some bugs to iron out + there’s a wider context missing, but I think it stands all right on its own.

Inspired by (surprise) the dialogue prompt do you wish I was different?

1.5k words. Hotch & Haley. Autistic!Hotch but neither of them know it yet.

‘Do you wish I was different?’

‘No,’ she says. ‘Where’s that coming from?’

‘I don’t mind if you do.’

‘I mean, – I could do with you actually emptying the dishwasher when you run it,’ Haley says. ‘But I don’t want – different how?’

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘It matters enough you asked,’ she says. ‘I just don’t get what’s brought this on. Have I said—’

‘Not you,’ he says. ‘Nobody’s said anything.’

‘Different how?’

He shakes his head, and she can feel it slipping through her fingers like sand, something else he’ll refuse to address and bottle away and if this cropping up years later is any indication, this is something they probably shouldn’t ignore.

Haley comes up behind him, rests her chin on his shoulder. He tilts his head to let it lean against hers.

‘It’s nothing,’ he says. ‘I’m overthinking.’

‘You? Never.’

She wraps her arms around him and his hand clasped over hers is cold. Waiting him out doesn’t usually go well – Aaron is good at taking the uncomfortable subjects and burying them and keeping his face stubbornly blank, all traces of the associated emotions just gone, and he’ll do it until they have no choice but to move on to whatever else they have to talk about. ‘C’mon. I’ll tell you if you really are reading too much into it.’

‘You wouldn’t know,’ he says. There’s no annoyance, no malice. Just a fact: she won’t.

‘I won’t if you don’t tell me what we’re talking about,’ Haley says.

She tilts her head against his neck, feeling the faint thump of his pulse, and can all but hear him thinking. If she’s lucky she gets maybe a quarter of the thoughts running through his head at any given time – still a quarter more than anyone else ever does. And she’d be lying if she said she never wished he was more open, but it has never been about her. She can’t help Aaron if she doesn’t know what he’s asking for.

That he’s said anything at all is a confusing mix of relief and worry – it’s been bothering him if he’s gone so far as to mention it to her, but she doubts he’ll bring it up again after this.

‘You know how to talk to people,’ Aaron laments. She feels the tension bleed out of him, air rushing out in a quiet sigh. A weight off his shoulders.

Except that… doesn’t make sense.

‘So do you,’ Haley says. ‘You’re better at it than I am—’

He pulls away. ‘Not in the right way.’

‘What do you mean?’ she asks. ‘Is it about earlier? I thought you were getting on fine with the guys, you seemed like you were enjoying it.’

Aaron paces. She perches on the edge of the bed, smooths out the covers just to do something with her hands.

‘I could do it,’ he says, ‘but none of it’s real.’

‘Small talk?’

He inclines his head. Kind of. ‘This is the part where you tell me I’m thinking too much.’

‘I still don’t understand what you mean,’ Haley says. ‘Small talk is kind of fake, yeah, I’m just not sure what about it is so…’

‘It’s not small talk,’ Aaron says. ‘I know it doesn’t mean anything. I don’t see the need for it but it’d be fine if that was all it is. But it isn’t. It isn’t supposed to be hard to just – talk.’

She listens.

‘I can do it, I know what I’m supposed to say but only because I remember it. It isn’t natural. And everyone else seems to enjoy it and – and I want to – but—’ Aaron stops. ‘This is going to sound ridiculous.’

‘I don’t think so,’ Haley says.

‘Remember whenever someone snuck drinks after rehearsals?’

That takes her back and – oh, she’s got some kind of idea where this is coming from, if he’s thinking back to high school. To the names the boys called him and the ones the girls did too, just quieter. ‘Yeah.’

‘And we’d be fine until a teacher was coming and someone would say ‘act natural,’’ Aaron says, watching her reaction. She nods. ‘And you knew what normal was because you had been acting natural up until that point, and you thought you were but someone says that and you realise that you know what you need to be – how you have to act – but you can’t. You know what natural is and you know what you should say and do but there’s always something just in the way of letting you actually be normal?’

‘Yeah,’ she says. ‘I think I get it. That’s always what it feels like when you first meet someone.’

Aaron glances away and back at her, but he only meets her eyes briefly. ‘And once you get to know them, it feels natural?’

‘Yes,’ Haley says, and it feels like the wrong answer.

His mouth presses into a thin line and he goes back to his pacing. Even facing the other way she can hear him swallow, exhale raggedly; she wants to stand with him but she isn’t sure if he’d want it.

(She loves Aaron but sometimes, sometimes, she thinks she doesn’t really know him. Not when it matters the most.)

Her mouth is dry and her voice uncertain. ‘Aaron?’

‘It’s never natural,’ Aaron says. ‘Except you. But everyone else – it should be, but it never is. Doesn’t matter how long I’ve known them. It never gets easier.’

She wants to give him a reason. An explanation. She wants to say something more than a platitude, a hollow reassurance, wants to say anything at all.

‘Just tell me I’m overthinking,’ he pleads. ‘I need to know everyone feels like this and we’re just refusing to talk about it.’

‘Sometimes,’ Haley says. She can’t lie – can’t tell him what he wants to hear, but can’t tell him she’s never felt like that either.

‘I thought it was everyone,’ Aaron says like he hadn’t heard her. ‘I knew it wasn’t but it wasn’t anything wrong with me, it was because I was living with him.’

‘And it was going to fix itself when I moved out,’ he says. ‘When he died, it was because I had lived with him for so long. And when we finished high school, it was because college was so different. And there was always an excuse for why I was still like that but it didn’t matter because it was going to – I’d change. I’d be different.’

He runs a hand through his hair.

‘I knew it shouldn’t be easier in court than talking to a stranger,’ Aaron says. ‘I’m not stupid. I thought it would get better.’

‘Since high school?’ Haley says softly. ‘You’ve felt like this school?’

‘Before,’ Aaron says. ‘It was fine. There was a reason there was something wrong with me.’

‘There’s nothing wrong—’

‘What else do you call it?’ he says, and if his laugh wasn’t so bitter the shine in his eyes would give him away. ‘It’s not good. I can’t talk to someone without feeling like I’m pretending to be someone.’

‘So maybe it isn’t normal,’ Haley says. ‘So what?’

‘Why wouldn’t you want me to be different?’

‘Is that what you meant, then?’ she says. ‘Normal? Because I don’t wish you were different, I didn’t and I still don’t.’

‘Maybe you should,’ he says. ‘I know what I’m like. People think you deserve someone who isn’t as cold.’

Cold hangs in the air like an echo of every awful thing she’d heard thrown at him. At sixteen, ‘cold’ would’ve been considered merciful. And that is only the things she knows, the things he’s told her.

She swallows, her eyes prickling. Maybe she’s said to Jess that he’s hard to read, that she’s irritated with him because those things happen when you live with someone, but not when he’s around. They’ve had their arguments but their apologies are more sincere than whatever they’d said in the heat of the moment – she’d thought. This idea he’s got, she doesn’t think she’s fed into it, but if she has?

He hasn’t ever said. How is she supposed to know?

‘I love you,’ Haley says, tries and fails to keep the hurt from her voice. ‘That’s why. I don’t know what I’ve done that makes it so hard to believe.’

‘You haven’t,’ Aaron says. ‘You never have. It’s—’

She steps in front of him, on the straight line he’s walked up and down and up and down their bedroom, presses her hand against his, trembling in midair. Laces their fingers together and stands close; his breath is warm, his eyes wet and stormy.

Frightened.

‘There’s something wrong with me,’ Aaron says. She feels it in his chest more than hears it, a low rumble between his thumping heartbeat. He swallows. His voice is still strained. ‘I don’t know what it is, or why.’

‘I know,’ she says.

‘I don’t know what to do,’ he says. ‘It never stops—’

‘I know,’ Haley says. She hugs him hard and his fingers curl in the back of her sleep shirt, little bursts of wet heat on her shoulder as he buries his face against her neck. His hair brushes her cheek. ‘It’s okay.’

‘Sorry,’ Aaron chokes out. ‘Sorry.’

‘It’s gonna be okay,’ she promises. ‘Whatever it is, it’ll be okay.’

‘Sorry,’ he repeats.

Haley runs her fingers through his hair as he sobs, blinking back her own tears. For him, for her, for everything which makes him think it warrants his apologies.

#fuck it i guess we're projecting tonight #my apologies to everyone who just recently followed me #cm fanfic #autistic hotch #pry that headcanon from my cold dead hands #hotch #haley #my fanfic #queue #criminal minds fanfic #cm fanfiction

[yooniesim]

This is not my anon but this is exactly how I feel. I've made my own mistakes but that was never why they were in the convo. They saw how badly I was suffering and swiftly took the opportunity to kick me while I was down and that's just the truth. The quick pivot into easily transitioning the anti-blackness conversation into absolving themselves and all their friends from their mistakes & various acts of bigotry by discrediting my voice in a few decisive moves was legendary. The priority & focus of the conversation was no longer about the important issue and became an almost sadistic pursuit of my "downfall". It was fucking dirty and manipulative to the point where i almost have to admire it. And emphasized to me that empathy just isn't their strong point.

We all have bias including myself and that was clearly at play here. Some of the shit I saw said about me was simply not true or completely misrepresented and I was brushed off for pointing that out in the replies. And the fact that plenty of people believed it at face value with no proof whatsoever was acceptable to them and even people that saw what really went down with their own eyes but wanted to save their own reputation with these simblrs went along with it. They even chose to believe the word of a known racist over me because it fit their narrative. Once again the vague post + wave of hate from followers method was deployed, but this time I was already at my limit before it even began. I was degraded & talked over by several white people and essentially silenced and blamed for my own violent & bigoted harassment because i hurt people's feelings on simblr and was too "annoying". I was the subject of some pretty awful shit both here & IRL to the point where I was at one of the lowest points of my life and I was basically told to eat shit for asking for time and empathy. Even after apologizing and admitting what I had done wrong, they continued to pile on and beat the dead horse because the fact of the matter is they just want me gone and ostracized & have ever since I first slighted anyone in that friend group. Which solidifies to me that another one of my mistakes was to expect any of this on simblr to be based in actual ethics or a sense of morality.

For it to be about the racefaker & anti-blackness, I didn't see 1% of the anger and name-calling towards that being from them compared to what was thrown my way & it only exploded after I had apologized for that situation and that being was long gone from simblr and kicked from my server. And it was clearly because no one was angry enough at me for their liking. "We got a racefaker in the community yeah but oh no look, that negro uses kpop gifs and was too aggressive and bitchy towards us!" Shit. As much as my reaction to the situation was never about corpsetrait & all about my own feelings and situation I was going through, which was terribly wrong of me & I still apologize for, it was clearly a similar thought process with them. And many of the posts and actions I've seen have been purely performative when you consider the nonexistent (and even mocking) reaction to what happened to me compared to the people they liked. Whereas I've spent quite a bit of time defending & trying to see other people's perspectives when I simply should've never wasted my own time or mental energy. Trust i will never make that mistake again.

I took the opportunity to apologize further and delete the channel in my server because I've seen how it was a bad idea & how it negatively affected others and me as a person, and there's nothing like being at the bottom of the barrel to humble a dumb bitch like me. But y'all better not make the mistake of thinking you're better. I know exactly what kind of chats you got, as well as the anons & messages you send, and you ain't slick nor fooling anybody taking that moral high ground. Especially while saying some of the worst things about me out the other side of your mouth. The difference between us is that I can say I was wrong, and I've never seen y'all do that once this entire time. I'm going to work on myself, and I highly advise y'all to consider the same. And if you hate me, if I annoy you, you're just going to have to block me. Because I'm not going anywhere because of you. And if you got some vile bullshit to say, I'm blocking & ignoring you. Period.

#text #ceci speaks #nonsims #petty #the irony is palpable #nearly broke for a min but now im medicated so i dont care anymore #yall are dirtier than any simsecret anon #tho some of the specific talk i saw there in the past makes me think ur there too #fucking vultures the lot of u #at least i know i can get beaten down to this extent and still be here #still aint deactivating from ur age old tactic #im made of tougher stuff than that and probably all of u #im gonna work on being less petty but im not gonna be silenced in general #dont apologize to people who hate u bc they dont care #im only sorry to: #the people in the server and my followers disappointed by my response #my friends especially ones that are black that i didnt protect #and veone for calling her out of name and reacting with anger and fear instead of empathy #everyone else can eat my ass #ill also keep in mind how much and who i use gifs with #but no one is taking away my special interest bc u have a personal vendetta #and a need to grasp at straws on how to hurt me