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#as an adult she uses that as best she can.
writingroom21 · 1 day
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The Nanny
Pairing: rafe x nanny reader
Summary: Being Wheezie's nanny was great. The only downside is dealing with the oldest Cameron, Rafe. What happens when his fascination with the nanny becomes a reality?
Warnings: 18+, oral (m receiving), p in v, unprotected sex (Practice safe sex), cream pie, slapping, chocking, squirting, use of daddy
Wc: 5.3K
Chapter 3: Guess we're both broken
Waking up the next morning, you tossed over to the otherside, noticing the sheets were cold. Peaking through sleep coated eyes you realize that Rafe is gone. Sitting Up you look around the room, his shirt and shorts gone as well. Not surprised that he was gone, a sinking feeling is in your chest, he used you. Once again you are left knowing that you shouldn’t have thought anything else. Should have known him being on his best behavior recently was just another ploy to sleep with you, knowing that he won. 
The rest of the day was spent moping around Tannyhill, grateful that you didn’t need to see him. Sarah being the only person you see when she stops by to get some of her things before running off again to stir up trouble. The day was so uneventful that you even decided to go to your parents cookout. Which turned out as awful as you expected it to go.
Reaching your childhood home you can see your neighbors scattered around the lawn. You notice your dad on the grill talking to one of the other dad, most likely talking about what rub or glaze he used this time. Walking around you greeted a few people who stopped you to ask how work is going. “That Cameron boy is causing you any trouble is he?” If only you knew, you thought. “No he’s not. They are all really respectful to me.” In hindsight it wasn’t a lie, they have been really nice making you feel welcomed. If the past two nights hadn’t happened you wouldn’t be so apprehensive to say it, but they did happen.
Everything seemed to be going well until you reached your mom. She was talking to some of her friends when she saw you walking their way. “Well if it isn’t my precious little angel. Hardly recognize you since we never see you.” She chuckles, trying to mask the insult with laughter. Taking a deep breath you give her a hug. “I know, I’m sorry. Been trying to visit but it’s been hectic.” Saying hi to the rest of the group was met with few words, some of them not replying at all. “How much work can it really be? The young one is practically an adult herself.” Your mom has a way of making everything you do seem insignificant or an inconvenience to her, your job being one of them. 
“You’d be surprised. Wheeze is a saint but she does give me a run for my money. I should go say hi to dad before he feels left out.” With that you walked off to greet your dad. The rest of the night was a never ending cycle of your parents making small jabs at you. Making you and the rest of the party uncomfortable every time they spoke. The cherry on the cake was when they pulled off to the side just as you were about to leave. “Sweetie, we need to ask you something and before you start getting mad you need to agree to hear us out.” Your dad says sitting on the couch looking at you, your mom next to him nodding along to his words. “Okay.”
“So you see we really need to fix up the house. You know how bad the AC is, you would have better luck keeping the fridge door open then that thing working.” Oh god you can already see where this is going, eyes rolling waiting for them to ask you for money. “Don’t roll your eyes at us, we are your parents.” Your mother scolded. “Anyway.” your dad continues. “We don’t have the money to get it fixed. The mortgage is barely even being covered as it is, we just need you to spot us some money. Just enough to get us going.” Taking a deep breath and cooling your nerves. “How much?” you ask.
“4,000.” Your eyes widen at the price, that's a whole month's worth of pay, let alone you don’t have that on you right now due to helping them out. “4,000? You need me to give you 4,000 dollars? By when?” The questions shootout at them. “Yes 4,000 and we need it now preferably.” So that’s why they invited you today, not because they miss you like they claim but because they need money. “I don’t have that kind of money on me or in my account.” “What do you mean you don’t have that money? What’s the point of working for some kooks if they don’t pay you well.” Your dad scoffs turning and looking at your mom. “What did I tell you? I told you she wouldn’t help us.”
This really can’t be happening right now. You have been working since you were 14 to contribute to the bills, every paycheck going straight into their hands. “I have been helping you. I’ve been helping you for the past six years with every bill in this house.” “We never asked you to do that.” Your mother rebuttals, taking another sip from the glass of wine in her hand. “Yes you have!.” you exclaim. “You are literally asking me for 4,000 dollars as we speak. Every time you ask me for money I hand it over without making a fuss, but this I can’t do. I have my own expenses, you know.”
“What expenses? All of a sudden you live in a fancy mansion and you’re too good to help out your parents.” Your dad’s words hurt you. You have tried to be their perfect daughter your whole life. The perfect grade, the scholarship, then declining the scholarship because they begged you not to go. Every life choice you’ve made has been to cater them and their wants. “Yes, dad, my expenses. I have my own car that I pay for by myself, a car loan as well, I even have to buy my own groceries. Then on top of that I send the both of you practically all of my paychecks. I’ve been scraping by trying to make it all work, why can’t the two of you just realize I can’t do this.” Your pleas fall onto deaf ears as they both get up from the couch. “If you aren’t willing to help us then there’s nothing left to talk about. You know where the door is.”
Watching as the walk away tears threaten to spill from your eyes. The drive back to Tannyhill seemed longer than it usually did. The conversation played on repeat throughout the whole drive. Parking your car you rush to the front door, all you want to do is lay in your bed and cry. Tears are already falling from your eyes as you close the front door. “Well what do we have here, country club? This that nanny you keep hiding from me?” You recognize the voice, you’ve seen and heard him around Tanny when Rose or Ward is gone. Barry is his name you think not really caring to find out you just walk down the hall. “Not much of a talker I see.”
“Leave her alone.” Rafe’s voice makes your ears perk up. Even though every muscle in your body is telling you to keep walking and not to look at him, you cave. Eyes meeting he can see the tears in them. “You okay, sunny?” You can’t do this right now, can’t get caught up in him just for him to leave once again. Without saying a word you brush past him, bounding up the stairs to the second floor. But before you can slam your bedroom door you can hear Barry talk. “The fuck you do to her?”
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The next morning you had yourself locked in your room just thinking. First about your parents and then about Rafe, then your parents and Rafe once again. It was torture having to sit in the room replaying ever interaction to see where things went wrong. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to tell you about the Rafe situation but it might for your parents. 
Looking at the clock by the bed you see that it's almost one in the afternoon. Deciding that you can’t sit her a mope for the rest of your life, you get up and get ready. Ward had given you a membership to the country club when you first started, he thought it would be better since you can accompany Wheezie when she goes. A nice relaxing day at the club, eating the fancy food is just what you needed.
It didn’t take long to get there or to find a seat by the pool, most of the people are on the golf course anyway. The only people by the pool are the wives that have kids and the teens who were there for the lifeguard. Stripping from clothes you are left in the red bikini you wore, you put on some sunscreen before laying down on the lounge chair soaking up the rays. 
The sun feels nice against your skin, the heat relaxing your tense muscles finally being given a break. After about thirty minutes you flip over allowing your back to tan, not wanting to be uneven. The sound of kids laughing and the busy club lull you into a peaceful mind. So what if your parents are upset? You have done more than enough to help them out over the years, you can’t keep digging them out of their messes. Who even knows where most of the money you send them goes, it’s definitely not toward the house.
So what if Rafe is a dick who just uses girls and dumps them to the side? You can’t control who he is and clearly he just wanted to hookup nothing more. All that you can do now is just keep to yourself, it’s better to protect your peace then being his new play thing. Then why does it hurt? Shaking off the thoughts you notice how hot you started to get. 
The sun is beating down on you, sweat forming on your skin causing you to stick to the chair. Getting up you head into the pool, the cold warmer cooling you off as you float. You didn’t know this but a few feet away on the dining patio sat Rafe with Topper and Kelce. Rafe was half listening while the two boys talked about something he didn’t care about. His mind kept bringing back the picture of your crying face from last night.
As soon as Barry left he went straight to your room but the door was locked. He sat there for a second and heard nothing from the otherside of the door, assuming you went to bed he left for his room. When he woke up this morning it was all that he could think of, seeing you like that hurt him. You looked like he did after his dad made him feel less of, the thought of you feeling like that made his blood boil. But showing you he cared shows that he needs you, that he actually cares for, that’s not who he is.
No Rafe is the type of guy that fucks everything in his life up, dropped out of school, is a failure to his dad and in relationships. That's what he’s good at, you’ll see it eventually so why even try? Looking out to the course, he can see the pool from here, looking at all the bodies laying around. The red swimsuit draws his eyes down your body, recognizing you as you walk out the pool. The water drips down your stomach, down your legs, but the droplet in between your breasts has him staring. 
Rafe isn’t the only one staring, the few teen boys are staring, then there’s the lifeguard. Rafe remembers him from school and doesn’t like the fact he’s staring at you. He watches as you dry yourself off, putting the shirt and shirt you wore back on. Looking as you gather your things and escape his view as you leave, the boys gather his attention. “Dude are you even listening?” His eyes move back to them “Yeah.” 
You make your way through the halls, carding through your memory to remember how to get to the dining. As you walk, members of the club look at you, judging you for the way your shirt has wet spots from your swimsuit and hair. You decide to sit at the bar not wanting to deal with anyone today. “How can I help you m’lady.” You put the menu down to meet JJ’s gaze. “Oh my god! Jayj hi.” You squeal, catching the attention of patrons including Rafe. 
“I haven’t seen you in a while. Joining the darkside has really changed you.” He looks around before leaning a bit closer. “How is it on the other side? Miss us already?” He teases. “Of course I miss all of you.” You playful push his shoulder, JJ raises his hands up in surrender before resting his body weight on the bar counter arms next to yours. Rafe stares in shock at the scene playing in front of him. You, his girl, flirting with fucking Maybank of all people.
He sees JJ push a piece of hair behind your hair and you giggle. The chair scraping against the floor alerted the boys, he didn’t even realize he was even up and walking over to the two of you. “Where are you going?” Kelce calls out to him. “I’ll be right back.” As he gets closer he can hear your conversation more clearly. “You should come to the bonfire this week. I’ll make it worth your time.” JJ flirts, Rafe coming up right behind you, the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. Looking over your shoulder you can see the look of anger on his face and the smirk painted on JJ's face. 
“Sunny! I didn’t know you were going to be here. Maybank why don’t you run along and get me another drink.” He says with a condescending tone, glaring at the blonde boy. “Rafe.” You say as a warning, already seeing how this is going to end. “What? I’m just asking the help to do his job. Right Maybank?” “I was actually helping out this beautiful customer. Ain’t that right baby?” JJ remarks getting closer to you. The look on Rafe’s face could probably kill JJ if he tried hard enough.
Rafe leans against the counter, his body facing you. “You really slumming it around with this loser? You like being around trash?” His comment made you see red.  How fucking dare he? You knew he kinda took the kook and pogue thing seriously but to call them trash. It’s like he forgets that you are also a pogue, that if it wasn’t for his father you would still be living on the cut with the rest of them. Which is true, he doesn't see you as a pogue or the help. 
To him you’re a kook, you belong with them, with him. “Yes I do. Now this trash is going to take itself out like the “help” do.” You say quoting help as a reminder that you also are the help. “I’ll see you around Jayj.” You tell the blonde looking at you with worried eyes before storming off. “Yeah see ya.” He calls out looking at Rafe for a moment. “Man I knew you were dumb but god damn. That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever seen you do.” He laughs and walks away to go serve other customers. Rafe knows he’s right, potentially just fucked up whatever the two of you had before it actually really started. More than he has already done by ignoring you for the past day and a half.
He makes his way back to the table, the guys watching as he takes out a wad of cash and throwing it on the table. “I gotta go.” He exclaims, rushing to try and catch you before you have the chance to fully leave. Racing out of the building he sees you in the distance looking for your car. Jogging he catches up to you grabbing your arm and yanking you back to him. “Let go of of me!” You yell at him turning and pushing his chest hard. “No! Come one just talk to me.” He exclaims fighting you to make you stay and hear him out. “Are you kidding me? Talk it out? You just insulted me and my friend.” “No I insulted him. I wouldn’t do that to you.” 
You scoff pulling your arm free from his grip. “So calling him trash just because he’s a pogue doesn’t insult me? I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m also a pogue. I came from the cut just like he does. Does that shit actually really mean something to you? Are you that fucking stupid?” Rafe’s been called stupid many times in his life, from Ward, his sisters, hell even Rose has called him stupid. He knows that he makes things difficult and not many people like him. But hearing you call him stupid fills him with more rage then seeing Maybank think he can have his girl. “Hey don’t you fucking dare. Say whatever every the fuck you want but I ain’t stupid you fucking hear me.” 
He grips your cheeks, pinching them together. “Don’t you ever call be stupid again got it?” You should be scared, you’ve seen his temper before, seen him throw shit around the house or get into a fight with people at parties. You don’t know what to do being on the receiving end of his anger, then his words ring in your ear making you angry all over again. That ache in your pants is ignored as you wrench your head out of his hand. “I don’t know what your problem is but if you put your hands on me again you’ll regret it. You think just because everyone else is scared of you that I will be too? News flash buddy I’m not.” “Don’t call me buddy.” His voice was weaker than it was when he was yelling. 
“You don’t get it.” He states turning away from you and letting you go. “You’re right I don’t. You don’t talk to me for two days completely ignoring me after you got what you wanted. Then when I’m catching up with a friend you come in guns blazing as if the world is about to end. What’s wro-“ “He was touching and flirting with you.” He cuts off your rant, stunning you into silence. “So what if he was?” Rafe’s eyes darken hearing you defend him, telling him you actually enjoyed the attention that you were getting from another guy. “So what?” He laughs differently from his normal one, darker than what you are used to.
 “You really think I want some other guy touching you? Do you fuck him too?” “You’re jealous?” You meant it as a statement but it came out more like a question. “Yeah I’m jealous. All those guys in there would give up all their money just to get a chance with you. You don’t know them like I do, they would jump at the chance to get with a beautiful girl.” This is the third time he’s insinuated you are beautiful in some way. “Well maybe I should give them a shot. You obviously” His lips crash to yours, not allowing you to finish. This is different from the other kisses you’ve shared, more intense. He’s trying to tell you he’s scared of losing you, a crazy thought considering you aren’t even his.
How can he feel so strongly for you than he already did? It’s no secret that he’s always had a thing for you but this is different. The thought of you leaving him for another person actually terrifies him. Everyone has left him and he can’t stand the thought of you being another person who walks away. You try fighting him again but all efforts die when his tongue makes its way into your mouth. Rafe has this effect on you that you can’t explain.
There was always this soft spot for him but now that the lines have muddled together it’s hard to separate your feelings. Arms wrap around his shoulder pulling the two of you closer to each other, bodies pressed together. He pulls away from you for a second allowing the two of you to catch your breaths.  “Get in the car. I’ll meet you back at the house.” Fully pulling away you straighten out your clothes that got a little skewed from making out. He goes to walk to his truck, you stop him. “You can’t just get upset like that and make a scene. If this thing between us is going to work you have to talk to me, okay?” Eyes softening looking at your expression he takes a step forward placing a kiss on your forehead. “Okay.” With that he walks away leaving you standing in the middle of the parking lot wondering what the hell just happened.
The both of you race back to Tanny, Rafe’s truck behind your car. Reaching the house, you make your way inside waiting for him to get here, you lost him at a red light on the way over. You go to the kitchen to get water, the sound of the front door opens, Rafe’s footsteps echoing through the hall. “You think you can just go around and flirt with people?” He’s standing in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, white polo stretching around his biceps. “I thought we talk-” “No I’m not done.” He enters the room, staring at your body with dark eyes. “Strip.”
The grip on the water bottle tightens. “What?” Rafe is now in front of you, taking the water from your hands, whipping the stray drop on your lips. His thumb gently pulls your bottom lip before releasing it. “Strip and get on your knees. I need to teach you a lesson, I don’t like people thinking they can have what’s mine.” You look at him before following the instructions, staring up at him as he unbuttons his pants to take his dick out.
“Open.” You do without a second thought. “Good girl.” He mumbles, forcing himself in and setting a brutal pace. You have to catch yourself on his thighs just so you don’t fall, his hand holding you in place. Hips thrusting into you, your throat gladly accepts the intrusion, gargling on his length. Tears pooling on your bottom lashes, spilling down your cheeks, making Rafe go harder on you. “Look at you. A mess of spit and tears for my cock. Think maybank can do this for you?”
He’s still on about what happened at the club, to tell the truth you were too. His jealousy causes mixed emotions in you. On one instance you like seeing how possessive he was for you, on the other he resorts to insults to get his way. You give him a rough suck, eyes meeting his. “Fuck.” Rafe pulls out, yanking you up and bending you over the kitchen island. His body covering yours as he lines himself up, you're so wet that you aren’t worried about the pain. You were sure that he would fit, no preparation needed. “Told you I would bend you over and fuck the shit out of you.”
With that he slammed into you, moaning at the feeling of your walls stretching to accommodate his size. He halts when he’s ball deep, giving you a moment to gather yourself, only a moment. His thrust pushes you further into the island, sure enough to leave marks on your hip tomorrow morning. You don’t even care, he feels too good, the feeling of him stretching you is overwhelming. Whimpers keep leaving your mouth. Rafe grabs your arms, using them as leverage to fuck you harder as he keeps them pinned behind you back by one hand.
“Harder.” You moan out. Your body tingling from all the pleasure he’s giving you, your peak creeping around the corner embarrassingly fast. “Yeah? My little slut wants me to fuck her faster?” The degradation goes straight to your clit, walls fluttering around his length. He goes harder for a few minutes before pulling out, a whine of protest leaving you. “You don’t get to cum yet.” Rafe’s hot breath in your ear, his body heat leaving you too. 
He turns you around and hoists you onto the island, spreading your legs to step in between them. Left hand going to guide himself back into you, gliding across your fold to get you hip and bring you closer to the edge. In this angle he hits you deep, pushing against your cervix with each thrust.
Wrapping a hand around your neck, he squeezes lightly just enough to have your mind all fuzzy. You roll your eyes back grasping onto his bicep, manicured nails digging into his flesh leaving crest shaped marks. Rafe hisses at the sensation enjoying the flash of pain radiating in his arm. He starts fucking you hard, pounding into you having his dick spear into your g-spot. His unoccupied hand takes hold of your hair, pulling you till your foreheads are pressed together. His watch digging into the back of your neck, chested firmly pressed to each other, sharing each breath.
 “Squeezing my dick so fucking good baby. Can you hear how bad your pussy needs it?” Rafe moans out. You can, you’re so wet that every time he fucks into you squelching fills the room. You open your mouth but a particular thrust makes you moan instead. The hand in your hair retracts, your head leaning back slightly, it comes down on your cheek. It wasn’t hard enough to really hurt but enough to have pain heat your face. You moan liking the feeling of the smack, mostly just enjoying the fact that he lost himself to the point of causing a bit of pain. 
“You like me hitting you baby?” When you moan he smacks you again, annoyed that you won’t speak. “Use your words.” Rafe’s hand cupping your jaw staring at your fucked out expression, the hand around your neck tightens as his pace increases. You’re wetness mixing with his pre-cum leaking out of you, making a mess between you two. “I like it sir.” It comes out more like a breath but it counts. “My good little girl. You gonna cum for me? Hmm cum for daddy.” The new nickname was the nail in the coffin, the tightness in your belly finally snapping.
 This feeling was a new thought. It was so intense and it didn’t feel like an orgasim that you’ve had before. Your walls squeeze rage so tight that it pushes him out of you, your release gushing out getting everything wet. “Did you just fucking squirt?” Rafe pushes his dick back in, fucking you harder than before. “Such a dirty fucking slut, squirting and getting everything wet.” Moans keep getting pulled from you, pouring out into his mouth as he sloppily kisses you. “Oh fu-fuck… I’m gonna cum. Where do you want it.” “Inside please.” 
If telling him to cum inside you didn’t make him cum, it was the please that did it. Rafe ruts into you, hips stuttering as he fills you with each squirt of him cum. The warm feeling making you moan and flutter against him. He rides out both of your highs, hips finally stopping when they met yours, keeping you plugged. He want to stay there, wants to just feel you, wrapping his arms around your body. He’s enjoying knowing you are stuffed full of him, that his cum is so deep that it's forced out around him. Pulling out slowly you both hiss, you at the feeling of him spilling from you, and him as he’s fixated watching it come out. 
Kissing you for a moment, Rafe pulls away walking to the sink, wetting a rag before going back to clean you up. The touch is so gentle that it barely hurts. He helps you put your clothes back on dragging the both of you over to the living room. He throws himself down on the couch taking you along with him, pulling you closer . “What happened last night.” You hand playing with his shirt stops. “Huh?” Moving your head to his shoulder you look him in the eyes. “You were crying last night. What happened?” 
“Oh” Trying to shift away from him, being blocked by his arms tightening keeping you in place. “It was just some fight with my parents. It’s nothing.” “It is something, it made you cry.” You wish he would stop trying to pry, it’s not as if he cares. Honestly you expected him to flee once your clothes were back on. Pulling you to the couch was unexpected but asking you to talk about your parents was too much. Too personal. The lines of friendship and having feelings are already getting muddled as it is, this would just push it further. 
“Hey.” It’s soft, lips brushing my forehead before he places a kiss there. “You said we have to communicate, right? Talk to me.” With a sigh you tell him everything. How since you were barely able to work you gave them all your money last night. “They expected me to just hand over 4,000 dollars like it’s nothing. Then when I finally put my foot down I’m a disappointment. Nothing I do anymore is right.” Rafe’s hand rubs your arms trying to soothe you. 
“You aren’t a disappointment. If they can’t handle the fact you have your own life then fuck them.” You slap his chest lightly. “I’m serious. You’ve done more than enough for them, if they can’t see that then it’s their loss." A moment of silence, his words soaking in as you both lay there. “Thank you. I” You don’t know what else to say, fingers tracing shapes along his chest. 
“I know what you’re feeling. My dad um he always lets me know how much of a fuck up I am. I know what it’s like to be a disappointment, you don’t even come close.” The confession felt foreign on his tongue. Rafe never opened up to anyone about his feelings, anytime he tried he was met with a “man up” or “this is how a man handles things”, he’s scared of what you will say. He feels you slip from his arms, closing his eyes not wanting to see you leave him alone, trying to calm the burning behind his eyelids. 
“I don’t think you’re a failure.” Blue eye’s open to meet yours, there’s a hint of vulnerability from what you can see. You lean down pecking his lips, pulling away to get a better look of him. “You’re more than what he sees. It’s a shame he doesn’t take the time to notice.” It was your turn to leave him without words. He’s searching your eyes, your face, for any sign that you were lying. That you were pitying him after he devolved a hidden secret. He knows you’ve heard his Dad yell at him but this is different. 
He can put on a mask after talking to Ward when he has to see you. This time he tore the mask off, wanting you to see him without the facade. “I don’t think that about you.” “Huh?” You respond with confusion filling your face. “I don’t think that you’re trash. You are probably the best thing to come out of Outer Banks.” He’s not lying or at least you don’t think he is. The look in his eyes tells you that he actually means it so you smile down at him. “The best thing huh.” You tease. “Don’t push it.”
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I gotta talk about FourDogs (again)
It's barely about her, though. I think "he's so lucky his dad was brutally murdered" and "people with trauma need a second handicap because they're too motivated" are such absolute-the-fuck-ly bonkers takes, they're not even worth the time it took me to get mad about them, which was immediately. This time around, I have way more to say about audience reception. I'll try to keep it civil.
It feels like a lot of us are responding from increasingly personal places because these are characters with which a lot of us identify, or we see traits in them that remind us of people from our real lives. And hey! Another performance and storytelling slay on the part of one Brennan Lee Mulligan. Who else can invent 50+ characters every year and play them to the point where any one of them can evoke both an "omg that's literally me!" and an "omg that's literally Dani, the girl that bullied me all of freshmen year until I punched out her front tooth in the student parking lot and got in-school suspension for a month!". And whether Kipperlily reminds you of Dani, or reflects your own anxieties about potential, ability, and trauma, an important thing to remember is this: she is not real!
Brennan made her up! Brennan made her up to tell a story, and when he made her up, he made her annoying, petty, antagonistic, and he gave her not just opposing goals to the the protagonists we know and love, but the explicit goal of ruining The Bad Kids' lives, specifically.
Now, I'm not saying she's fictional to be a dick, or dismiss any deeper readings on her or any of the Rat Grinders. I'm bringing it up because the way I'm seeing people talk to each other about these characters is starting to get a little wild and it's in danger of waking up The Olde Gods™ (i.e. the special brand of Tumblr Self-Righteousness that lives inside us all).
It's important to remember Kipperlilly is a character in a fictive work so that different interpretations of her don't get treated as stone law. Each reading of her is personal and valid, but none are gospel. The "Kipperlilly is but a victim" take is not the only correct one, nor is radical empathy for her as a character the only correct reaction. Also, even if I consider her sympathetic that is not incompatible with an opinion like "Kipperlilly needs to get roundhouse'd in the head by a lesbian in a tracksuit and/or a wizard in a jean jacket, posthaste". Sure, you can say that anyone who doesn't feel a deep and eclipsing empathy for Kipperlilly above all other emotions is immature at best and sociopathic at worst, but then I can just say anyone who demands solely empathy for Kipperlilly and excuses her literal crimes and bass-ackwards world view because she's insecure and has anger issues, is probably also someone who has a history of weaponizing whatever minority status they may or may not occupy to talk over, silence, or harass people of color.
They're both just opinions. And also, like. Y'know. A bit much.
To engage in the long and rich tradition of measuring character trajectories against those in the Avatar: The Last Airbender cartoon, let's compare Kipperlilly to Azula. Azula had an incredibly sympathetic backstory and untreated mental health issues. Azula was also a danger to herself and others, as well as profoundly manipulative and abusive (although, it was a children's show so Azula never killed anybody for whatever that's worth). Do I wish that fourteen-year-old girl had an Iroh-type in her life? Literally one adult who loved her genuinely and advocated for her best interests? Of course I do. I saw the Ember Island episode, I watched that one video essay! Does that mean it was any less satisfying to watch Zuko and Katara kick her absolute ass? No! And it was non-lethal anyway, children's show, duh.
That brings me to my other thing; Kipperlilly is a character in a fictive work that is not finished. And I know that point will age poorly, but I'm thinking it won't be the only one (hey-o). Remember the people that were calling The Bad Kids bullies? And then we learned that Kipperlilly hated Riz because his fucking dad fucking died?? And that was a full academic year before getting reanimated by a rage god?? I'll do a tame one; remember when Gilear wasn't cursed?? He was "just a guy"?? The show is serialized, gang, the world is still building! Clerickiller is not done yet, y'all need to let her cook! I'm sure we'll tune in next week to see her graduate from "unhinged" to "unaffiliated with the door frame or any frame-like structure". Reprimanding people on Tumblr will not change the trajectory of this character who, by the way, has not expressed remorse or any desire for a path other than violence. You look me in my black face after your blorbo slits a kid's throat and say "help her"?? Kipperlilly doesn't want get better right now, she wants one thing and that's for Kristen Applebees to go fuck herself and die!! You were there, you heard it!! When the fictional behavior changes, as it often does in stories, so will my opinion. There is no fore-forgiveness. Without an actual redemption arc I will continue to see the villain as a villain.
Speaking of, I think what some people have an issue with is the level of hate Kipperlilly's getting and how aggressive it is. But like.... isn't that allowed?? Because of all the stuff I said but also because like, mama said that it was okay! And by "mama" I mean Siobhan Thompson who said Kipperlilly belongs under the jail. Sure, in the real world, adults don't tell kids they belong in the ground that's crazy fucked up, but all these kids are played by adults and Emily as Fig joked that she was gonna smite the sixteen-year-old girl played by the thirty-something man. You're telling me the antagonist antagonizes the protagonists, and the protagonists go "boo, hiss" and then I, the audience, go "boo, hiss as well" but I'm wrong? I'm wrong, somehow, cool checks out.
"They're XP Levelling*punches a locker*!!"
"That girl is worse than Kalvaxus."
"Littledoggy Girlcollar"
Am I not engaging with the narrative on it's own terms if I say "i'd tell Clerickiller to die mad, but she clearly already did, Jojo Siwa head-ass, in reference to that fuck-ass ponytail and your toxic yuri" Do I need to draw a little caitmay-style OC to say it for me, would that be better?
God-forbid, we have fun? Must we discourse, always? FourDogs is tragic, FourDogs is compelling, FourDogs is Dani from 9th grade. She is Azula from Avatar and Clare from Fleabag and Brennan Lee Mulligan from my dreams and that is something that can be so personal. But no one else has to participate in your parasocial relationship. What's crazy is, I actually like Kipperlilly! As a character. I mean, the "trauma is privilege" obviously hit a nerve with me because of real life stuff, but the image of her over the rogue teacher's grave?? With a backhoe and a "gotcha, bitch" expression??? Come on, that is fresh-off-the-vine Cunt™. Even more so than I imagined that moment to be when we first heard about it. Her ending up in a Ragh or Aelwyn place would be way more satisfying than a Goldenrod or Penelope Everpetal place, BUT IT WILL ALSO be satisfying to see whatever Kipperlilly's version of the locked-in-a-chokehold-and-being-gaslit-into-thinking-you-shit-the-coach's-pants-scene is. In addition to the non-lethal ass-kicking that proceeds it.
Y'all can chuck the insinuation that something so clearly subjective is actually objective and has moral implications that make me bad, directly in the garbage. What is this, religion, hey-o.
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pinkestmenace · 2 days
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WOOOO! Done just in time! @kirbyoctournament
Name: Olympea, the Pummeling Peacekeeper
Gender: She-himbo, She/Her
Age: Never ask a woman her age! (She's an adult.)
Occupation: Warrior/Hero of Yore
Species: Puffball/Starborn/Star Child/whatever the Kirby species is called.
Uh-oh, due to a temporal anomaly the Hero of Yore Olympea suddenly finds herself transported alive and well from Ancient Halcandra to the Kirby OC tournament! She doesn't know what's going on, but she'll roll with the punches and treat it like a fun dream vacation of sorts. She does like meeting all sorts of new people and trying new foods, weapons and technology. She'll have so many stories to tell her friends when she returns! It's probably for the best if she doesn't learn what disaster befell the four heroes in the regular timeline, though...
Some ground rules, just in case:
I would love seeing people's OC's interact with her! Asking Olympea questions is okay, but this is not an ask blog/rp blog and I'm not looking for extended roleplay. I may not answer your question. If I see potential for an interesting interaction I may draw it, but I can't promise anything. (Keep in mind if I don't respond right away -> 1: I'm timid and get anxious easily. 2: I may not have figured out that part of her story/the history of Ancient Halcandra yet. 3: The answer would have contained a spoiler for my fics. 4: I'm very slow at drawing.)
I'm joining this tournament for fun, so thank you for understanding!
Overview:
While she's not very big, intellectual or attuned to magic, she is unbeatably chipper and physically strong. She loves fighting and gleefully uses a variety of lovely accessories/weapons like a giant club, enchanted glaive, magitech gauntlets, etc. Her left glove allows her to access a dimensional storage. Teases hard, punches even harder. Actually quite feminine when off the clock. Loves magitech gadgets a lot. Doesn't think science or magic is better, because their society needs both. She's definitely not insecure about her height. She'd also never conjure a giant squeaky hammer to bop you over the head if you call her short.
Likes: Vegetables, Nectar, Trying new foods, The colour green, Flowers, Butterflies and moths, Pretty/cool/badass women, Her club, Brass knuckles, Tinkering, New gadgets, Teasing her friends, Seeing a certain winged magenta knight open up and feel genuine joy
Dislikes: Being mistaken for a child, Being called stupid, Stuck-up people, Seeing her friends being hurt, Strangers flicking her antennae, How much dust and scales her wings leave behind
Abilities: Able to fly. Very physically strong. Innately has access to Suplex and Hammer, but mainly uses her trusty club. Her boots and gauntlets let her emulate elements of Hi-jump, Laser and Mecha. (The boosted jump, laser finger guns and palm blasts, respectively.)
Weaknesses: Can't fly quickly. Stubby little arms limit her great strength with little reach. Distractable and a little naive. Can't resist eating strange and exotic snacks no matter the source. Seeing cute girls (she HAS to show off).
Fighting Style:
Her gauntlets are good for punching and the palms can release blasts of energy as well. They're mainly so she can hold large weapons well, since her actual hands aren't very big.
Her moth wings aren't very big either, so while she can normally fly and can still break her fall when she's armoured, she prefers to zip around close to the ground. It's often faster and easier to run and jump when she's fighting. Especially when she's wielding her heavy club. Her boots help her boost and maneuver quickly.
Don't make the mistake of thinking that because she prefers close range combat and isn't proficient with magic she can't attack at a distance. Her gauntlets possess finger laser guns and she can use her left glove (which she also wears under her gauntlet) to access her weapon hoard at all times. Who knows what else she keeps in there?
Even her civilian outfit isn't harmless. She still has access to her innate Suplex and Hammer abilities, after all. And those shoes have steel toes! Of course, the platform heels are just to keep her delicate wings from scraping across the ground when folded. No other reasons. (Like being taller.)
Design Thoughts:
Olympea is the first of the Heroes of Yore who came to me. I was thinking about how to describe the Heroes of Yore and knew I wanted at least one to be a woman. Suddenly her name resounded through my head! Then I just started associating. Olympea sounds like Olympics, so she must be strong. Pea calls to mind small, round and green, so what if she's (mostly) the same species as Galacta Knight? Peas are famous for research on genetics and alleles, so what if she was born, not formed like him? Maybe she doesn't have a lot of magical affinity. Then she needs weapons. Pea, peace, pea shooters, peas in a pod, peacemaker, pea-smacker. Let's give her a hammer, no, a club! She's strong, so what if she packs a punch? How about some gauntlets for punching? She can have a gun, wait, let's put the gun (pea shooter!) in her gauntlet's finger! She needs storage for her weapon hoard (girl needs to accessorise!) so what if her enchanted gauntlets let her access dimensional storage (peas in a pod)? Hmmm, does she have wings? There's a bug called a pea moth, so she has moth wings now. Her ponytail is twisted like a dried pea pod and not-so-coincidentally looks a bit like a cocoon when down and a boxing glove while up in a bun.
I maaay have gone completely overboard with the whole pea thing, but such is life. Although there is a bit of Hammer Lord in there as well. She doesn't hate magic, she just doesn't have a lot of affinity for it. She does enjoy tinkering and building weapons. This is how she ended up relying mostly on technology instead of magic.
She's not a knight and has no mask, because while many people depict all adult puffballs as masked knights (probably influenced by the Star Warriors from the K:RBAY anime) I personally don't think this has to be universal for their kind. How sad it would be if all they were destined for was fighting! ...And then I made her a warrior anyway. Oh well.
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naoko-world · 3 days
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My opinion on the Percy Jackson tv show season 1!
So I watched season one of the Percy Jackson tv show as it was released and now here is time for a quick review!
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Sorry I wanted to finish this drawing before, hope you like it! (To be honest i didn't draw the drawing on the shirts, I just used what was used on the Disney store, but I draw the rest.) You can see it on my Instagram too, without the review
SPOILER WARNING
I'll start my review of season one by talking about...
The characters
Well, first I wanna say I like how the three main characters are being portrayed here ! Percy is a very loving and kind character while Annabeth is a smart girl desperately looking for recognition from her mother. As for Grover, he's a kind and clumsy satyr who really likes Percy and it shows. Basically these three characters love and trust each other and it's incredibly obvious ! Even Annabeth and Percy, who start their relationship by not being that much trusting in each other. I really like how their quest improve their relationship !
What I love too is how the adults are shown, especially Sally and Poseidon. Sally, who was shown as a perfect mother in the book, became a woman who is doing her best to raise her son in the series and I find it so interesting ! The book is in Percy's point of view so it's obvious that he would see her that way, but the tv series isn't exclusively from his point of view so it can show her turning desperate because she don't know how to effectively protect her son. I can say I really like her scene with Poseidon too, that was so touching!
Just a word about Gabe, who is way less clearly abusive. A lot of people thought it was a problem, that he was too nice, but I thought it made him even more scary because if he's not physically violent against Sally, he's still clearly psychologically abusive. Though it seems like Sally is able to manage him a bit.
Just remember that abuse isn't always physical, that you can be abusive without hitting anyone.
The gods
I can say I like how the gods that appears in this first season are portrayed!
Dionysus is so manipulative and bitter, I love it! Even if we never say it in the series (from memory), it's obvious that he doesn't want to take care of the demigods, and I love it!
Ares is wonderfully portrayed as a being who has a real passion for the war ! For example, we see him having fun on Twitter and, later, Grover succeed to convince him to talk to him by talking about less-known wars. He also has that wonderful vibe of "don't mess with me or I'm going to beat you to death".
We don't see Hephaestus a lot but again you feel it's someone confident who is a very skilled blacksmith.
I love that as soon as we meet Hades he's very welcoming and behaving in a very "I don't care about what's happening with my brothers" way. He just want to protect the underworld and, again, it's obvious.
Zeus is incredibly intimidating which, again, I love so strongly ! I can understand why no one would stand to him.
Finally, Poseidon is a very loving dad who can't do much for his son but is trying when he can try. I also love how, at the end, he ends up standing to Zeus to protect Percy. Then the very awkward interaction he has with him because the didn't talk much, Poseidon was mostly absent, but he still love him.
The adaptation
Now, of course I'll talk about the adaptation. And I'll start this part by a very personal story: how I discovered Percy Jackson.
I started my discovery with the movies. Actually with the first one only, I didn't want to watch the second one because I didn't understand why it would have a sequel. I thought it was enjoyable, though very cliche, but far from the best movies. As I didn't know the original story I thought it must have been an adaptation of a very average book series who must have gotten a bit of success and has been adapted because Hollywood didn't have any idea anymore.
Then I finally read the books because a friend insisted it was good, and Internet was talking about how it was full of representations... And now I hate the movies ! Because I considered we could have gotten incredible movies out of the books ! But we didn't...
Honestly I'm not angry that the tv series made so many changes. Because it wasn't exactly my problem with the movies. My problem was it made changes that didn't make any sense, transformed the story into something very cliche and sexist, and wasn't respectful of the mythology when the book was.
I'll only give one example that angers me a lot: Grover's case.
In the book Grover is a very sweet, kind, brave and goofy character who love his friends and even more his girlfriend Juniper! He's very likeable, and a good protector for the demigods he's in charge of.
In the movie he's not likeable at all. He's a goofy character and likes Percy but he isn't sweet and only think about girls... Like you have a scene where he decides to stay with Persephone because she's hot... He clearly isn't sacrificing himself at all. Overall I don't think he's likeable, I thought he was kinda useless and annoying.
In the tv series... He's kinda goofy but not too much, and he's sweet, kind and brave. More than that, he's considerate and I actually like that he's clearly intelligent in this show because he lived longer than Percy and Annabeth. He's not entirely faithful to his book counterpart but the changes make sense and he's still very likeable and I want to hug him so hard !
For now, I'll conclude there. I'll probably rewatch it and make a new review later but I don't want to say I'll surely do it so I won't have pressure. That first season wasn't perfect but it was pretty enjoyable and I can't wait seeing what they're doing next. To be fair, The lightning thief wasn't the best book of the series so I understand it wasn't as fun as the last books.
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puppybearuniverse · 4 months
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thinking about the tragedy that is never truly getting to be close with my family. i feel guilty about it sometimes. but then i remember how hard I've tried, my entire life, to connect. and i remember the things they did to me in return. and i remember that it's okay not to have a relationship with them.
#especially my sister. we were so close when she was younger.#then she fell down the alt right pipeline#then she got better! and we got along really well!#and now she lies and schemes and manipulates like it's her job. almost everyone i know fell victim to her wake in some way#and it sucks you know? because i feel like i knew her heart. but one day she just changed.#trying to kill me for having a friend over while she was at work was my last straw.#i spent years and months begging her to spend any amount of time with me. and when she entered her manipulate era i tried to distance#but i still felt so much love for her. i still felt the need to have some connection.#and then came november. after a month of me being gone - one of the first things she did was try to kill me.#because i had a friend over. while she was at work.#now i feel a dislike for her like i would anyone who acted so horribly.#i feel disgusted when she talks to our mother all sweet like she doesnt lie to her every day.#growing up she was the favourite and anyone can tell.#as an adult she uses that as best she can.#she's been watching total drama lately. i can hear it from her room. it used to be my favourite show when we were young.#i wonder if she remembers. i wonder if she cares.#it's so strange to feel the way i feel about all of this.#i want her to mourn our relationship the same way i do. i want her to remember that i tried and she had every chance to reciprocate.#i don't know. it's all so complicated. and sometimes it still hurts.#wiggle
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If nothing else Koenma is a Kuwabara stan and I'm right there with him o7 (I need to write the kuwameshi fic that goes with this fr)
#maybe one day i'll write that au i have sitting in my head#ever since the comment he made about making kuwa spirit detective instead ive been thinking about it#like...what if yusuke is still recruited same as canon but like#kuwa was already spirit detective? doing assignments for the guys upstairs and all#and they made yusuke help him after his resurrection instead of going solo#and it's hilarious because they still have the ''rivalry'' set in place so it's like#now i gotta be coworkers with this guy i was in a fist fight with last week?#yusuke is like you can't be serious you want me to fight DEMONS with the guy who cant even beat ME? lmaooo okay#kuwa would be more in tune with his powers atp in this au and super offended like hello#why would i use my reiki on a FELLOW HUMAN CHILD you DICK i can hold my own on my assignments just fine#but he's actually really excited to be able to spend time with yusuke doing something besides getting his ass handed to him#they're both genkai's students (she's endlessly annoyed but they grow on her)#i just think it'd be fun cos like#it'd be harder to exclude kazuma from shit if he's literally been involved in this shit before he even met#kurama and hiei#kuwabara isn't really told about yusuke's resurrection so things go mostly the same up til he's brought back#they're both called to koenma's office and it's the spiderman pointing meme 💀#it's koenma's first time seeing kuwa in person as he usually just sends assignments with botan#yusuke has already seen him cos of the resurrection arc#and koenma is SUCH a fanboy ''kuwabara it's such a pleasure. you know you're my best worker 🥺''#''um urameshi am i seeing things or is that a fuckin baby'' yusuke will NOT stop laughing#it fucks koenma up so bad he makes sure he's in his adult form when he's around kuwa next#cos he wants to be the respected boss but also guy that you can chill with!! he's so cringe#okay yeah i need to write this it's such a fun concept#kuwameshi#yu yu hakusho#kuwabara kazuma#yusuke urameshi#koenma
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luckydcooking · 3 months
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Hm.. I feel as though judging by the quick pacing and instant introducing all the characters at once instead of waiting a few eps later or the next seasons, and how the story is going so fast that no one's able to understand what's even going on.
Could be telling me that Am*z*n wants to get this show over with so they can move onto other things which makes sense, and I don't blame them since season 1 will have only 8 eps from what I've seen by the leaks.
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I just went to dinner with family and was blindsided by several other guests that my mum failed to inform me were arriving so I just got slam dunked into a social situation I was not prepared for
but they were old family friends and thankfully one of them brought her kid along, I love this kid, he's adorable, he's maybe ten years old now and I've known him since he was a baby, I don't see him often but when I do I know it's gonna be a good night because now I don't have to stress about having normal adult conversations
I just gotta lend this kid a pen, watch him draw on some napkins for a bit, and then ask him what he's drawing
this kid will spend an entire evening giving me the complete rundown on some insanely creative magical creature that he made up all by himself
last time it was christmas lunch and he told me all about these evil hell dragons that all had different ways of torturing their victims' souls for all eternity, and the dragons had their own islands containing civilisations that also had complex political ties with each other that were all impacted by the dragons they had to deal with
tonight it was a fire based critter that started off really small but had several extremely creative evolved forms, some of which branched off depending on the creature's mental state when evolving, and should these creatures be lucky enough to reach their final forms, they can go from being ten times the size of the world's largest mountains, to becoming so large it destroys the planet its on, and then it becomes a new planet
why the fuck would I wanna talk with someone about them moving into their new house when I could talk about torture dragons and planet crushing fire beasts
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eddis-not-eeddis · 8 months
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HAH! Aced the math portion of my exam! Messed up once, because I mixed up how many feet were in a mile. (I put in the amount of square feet in an acre instead. -_- In my defense however, that was memory error and not actual math.) It was all fairly easy math, but as someone who literally sobbed her heart out over percentages in high-school and had to pay the entirety of her month's salary for a math tutor, I feel accomplished.
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orcelito · 1 month
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Having lost my cat, my uncle, my great grandmother, my grandma's best friend (& one of the people who helped raise me), AND my dad all within the span of 9 months,
I have little sympathy for people who use deaths as an excuse to be an asshole. I get it, it sucks. Get the fuck over it. Your grief is not an excuse to treat others like shit. What the fuck.
#speculation nation#this isnt anything personal. im just reacting to a post that kind of pissed me off.#to be fair i was never close with my great grandmother so im not particularly broken up about that one#but it's still yet another death in the family within such a short period of time.#my cat is on this list bc he was the first one and it majorly fucked me up. so yeah it deserves to be here.#the others. well. my grandma's best friend makes me sad but at least she was getting up in years#my uncle and dad though. especially my dad. yea those have fucked me up the most.#im never gonna be the same after experiencing all of this in such short succession.#it sucks in a major way. and things are still continuously tumultuous.#but you dont see me lording it over people and using it as an excuse to be an asshole.#maybe i make people uncomfortable with how casually i mention it. but like whatever. it's simply my truth.#that's still just like. me just talking about what ive been up to. that kind of thing.#idk acting like someone needs to be treated with the most tender of touches after experiencing a major death#to the point where you cant even tell them when theyre being a manipulative little asshole?#i dont fucking think so!#yeah okay all grief hits different but ive pulled myself up by the bootstraps and kept my head on straight#even after i experienced death after death after death after death after Fucking Death#whats your excuse? youre Sad? we all fucking are. thats just life.#it's horrible and awful and it sucks that we have to live with this but you CANT let that affect how you treat other people!!!!!#and here i am making my own post venting about it instead of replying to the aita post that sparked this#bc the person the post was about just made me so angry to hear about.#but i am... a reasonable adult who separates themselves from situations before reacting in anger...#and so im making a tumblr post to get the emotions out instead of getting emotional at random strangers lol#anyways i actually had a pretty good day today. but in the way of grief. the smallest things can trigger moods sometimes.#but i am letting the emotions flow... here they are... i have expressed them... and i shall now release them... amen...#negative/#i guess lol. i sure did rant enough for it.
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forgottenwyrm · 2 months
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me when Caledonia's concepts first dropped cause i doing a good playthrough: she's good. Probably chaotic good a bleeding heart maybe
Me as I get deeper into dragon lore and white dragons and every headcanon: oh no she's spiteful she's funny she can be mean she can be influenced and persuaded either way, chaotic neutral, easily tipped scale in either way based on who she ends up with during tadpole days, a true blank slate but there is some pre written, likes humor but also vengeful, spite what wrongs her or wrongs you, prideful
Its fun. Honestly. She's silly and very cerebral in thought still. Still friendly. Like.you can't take that out, but like she really does not view certain things on a morality scale.
Doesn't necessarily do evil for evil sake or gain of power. Doesn't necessarily want control, but like if you were a problem to her or someone she liked. You could end up dead. Doesn't necessarily do good or search out to the greatest amount of goodness.
Now she does like faerun as is, so she'll take action to keep things the way they are, or if they disturb the peace of her life or the people, again, that she likes. So good characters will influence her to do things cause well they'd be happy about it. Just as if evil characters, well, yeah the same can be applied.
There is a certain thing about as long as she maintains a sense of control over herself and power in a friendship or relationship; she's fine and will do just about anything. But like she is always affectionate in the same way toward either kind of party.
True Caledonia run if I played the game, if you removed the level system, like she'd skip so much of Act One if she was leading. If she made all the decisions. Like the Grove dies because she doesn't even go to goblin camp. She'd end up at the githyanki cutscene and go straight to creche. Skipping like so much. She'd do the bare minimum of Act Two.
Act Three. It's just immediately like okay. Fuck up orin immediately. Fuck up gortash immediately. She'd try to save as many in iron throne just cause. Boy she doesn't like this thing called cages. Or anyone being captive. Like she's a kill or let go. Take no prisoners.
But like in the end? All of this? Ends up solidifying her true nature as dragon. Causs they don't just do anything without a reason, without usually someone persuading them to this action. She goes after the Dragon Cult cause one guy from it personally wronged her and now it'd all bad, which I mean it is an evil cult, and she doesn't feel beholden to any God.
Its very fun, finding what stays the same, but realizing how flexible Caledonia is to based on literally who she is written against.
But also like there is a whole personal story with her too, and her memories and The Tiefling; who admittedly was doing evil for her father's sake and maybe her own, who did have a major crisis cause she got attach to the captive dragon she's known since she was five; and really the core of Caledonia is tied to; she realized she cared deeply for this tiefling, like a big sister; but she doesn't know what would honor her memory most; and feels survivor's guilt; so she keeps wearing her face cause it is her face now. And if the tiefling couldn't live, then she'll live for her; at least for a little while.
But she doesn't actually know what would truly honor who the tiefling was or what the tiefling would make decisions (which the tiefling would have done evil route but coming from a place of being literally raises this way and in an abusive cycle herself)
And, just I can't wait to write more on the tiefling and drabble of caledonia's memories aprund her years captive, and the tiefling girl talking and caring for her. And the ways in which Caledonia grows to be persuades and manipulated by the tiefling girl in a way and cares / like Caledonia absolutely went on hunger strikes while being chained and kept under a concoction of so many spells and then drained for her dragon blood; and the tiefling girl convinces her to eat.
But like, Caledonia has been so fun write cause she is an exploration of "how influences make a person" I hope this all reads well in my writing and creation, and everyone enjoys the character.
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thschei · 3 months
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(I feel like I should say, my mom did notice right away that I was having night terrors after my dad died [while struggling to work multiple jobs as a single parent of 3, and being the only one to take care of my grandma despite 😀🔪 having 4 siblings 😀🔪] & took me to a therapist
The problem was, the therapist very clearly thought of me as an annoying brat who was acting out for attention. I didn't necessarily think my mom wouldn't believe me about that, but knowing that she had so much on her plate, our money struggles, combined with knowing almost none of the other adults in my life would take me seriously as a 4 year old... I didn't think it was worth the effort of an uphill battle, broaching the topic only for my mom's friends, coworkers, siblings, etc to dismiss it as me being "sensitive." I also didn't want to look for another therapist, have another bad experience, and then have all those adults I listed insist that I was lying about it for attention. Nor did I want my mom to keep paying for a therapist who was disrespectful and therefore a waste of time and money, when those things were very limited.
So . I did what any sane (slash sarcasm) already-neurotically-anxious, overthinking-until-I-got-a-stomachache 4 year old facing trauma would do, and told my mom that I was feeling fine now, actually, so she could stop taking me to therapy.
I'm sure I wasn't particularly convincing; I was a toddler. My parents started noticing signs of anxiety in me when I was two, and that was before god said "give that child severe separation anxiety." But I don't remember being questioned about it, and whenever we talk about the period of time where I saw a therapist, my mom has never called me on lying through my teeth about it. As an adult, I've never spilled that I was lying or my motivations, because I don't want to retroactively give her more to feel guilty about from that time. And I was relatively (?) successful at like, no longer having night terrors through sheer will. We can chalk it up to the therapist making me so mad that it gave me something to focus on as a distraction and motivation to steel my emotions into something useful. Don't unpack the last part of that sentence <3)
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dorkicon · 11 months
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bitching abt homophobia n shit at my job in the tags o7 happy pride
#so i voluenteer at a library n work there through a 3rd party job center over the summer. ive volunteered there for like 5 yrs so i know --#--the staff there p well#anyway yeah so like last year our pride display got taken down bc someone complained. our director didnt really contest this.#our pride display got taken down again. this time with the board threatening to cut funding if we put it back up.#no contesting yet again#its literally just the corner of a 3 sided display podium with some gay books or whatever#some guy comes in and tears up our lgbt author rec list. the director removes those as well#there r 2 bi clerks and one genderqueer clerk and me! the fag gopher and she still doesnt feel it pertinent 2 stick up for the ppl who--#work there#or maybe she does right? like i want to believe she does bc ive known her for 5 maybe 6 actually years. ive gone to christmas--#parties at her house. shes been someone i can count on before and yet here she is letting us all down#bc its not just me or the gay ppl who work there right its for the ppl in my shitty fucking southern town who have basic common decency#shes someone i thought was some kind of ally HAHAH...like that term feels lame but#.....yeah yknow?#she even said shed be moving picture books with gay parents and shit into a quote quote adult matters section into the juvenile section#i assume on request of the board bc obvs being trans or gay or whatever is of course an adult matter that will taint our beautiful little#tow headed bastards#we even had the guy who requested the pride display be taken down come in today and CHECK to make sure no faggy books were out#ive been very angry about it and i just need to ...spit it up somewhere. maybe a transformers blog isnt the best place for it but whatever.#sorry about my language lol.#shes my boss and its going to be a real issue for me bc she laughed saying id have to start cleaning bathrooms this year and i legitimately#--nearly had to leave the room. like haha really funny. glad you can laugh about shit. did you know im a fucking queer.
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arbitrarystrawberry · 4 months
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#my brother is one of the best people ever#he's funny and creative and smart and sensitive and thoughtful and generous#and I love him so FRICKIN much#and people being mean to him makes me want to PUNCH THINGS#the frickin bus monitor for the bus he drives made him cry yesterday#she's such a MISERABLE HUSK of a woman#and I hate how she treats him#and I know he's capable of a lot more than I sometimes think#I know he's a grown adult and he can handle himself#but GAH this fricking WOMAN#he tried to do the right thing he tried to be a mature responsible person and talk to her directly but she was just MEAN#I'm just glad that he didn't get to say everything he'd been planning to (even though he was upset about that)#bc he'd been planning to tell her that he's autistic#I guess to try and help her understand where he's coming from#(also related to the fact that he drives a special needs bus and one time a few weeks ago she screamed at one of the kids)#(which obviously made my brother uncomfortable)#(but he was scared to say anything bc he said 'if she has no problem yelling at an autistic 5-year-old#she'd probably have no problem yelling at an autistic adult')#but yeah I can't see her being respectful about it if she knew he's on the spectrum#would probably try to use it against him since she's already been complaining about him to their boss#(which is why my brother finally tried talking to her yesterday)#(bc he's acting like an ADULT and trying to discuss with her directly instead of going behind her back like she's doing)#and gaaaaahhh I just HATE this for him#can't vent about this on the discord since we're both in there and I don't want him to know just how upset I am about this#I know he worries sometimes about burdening people#but he's just so GOOD and wonderful and I HATE that there are people who don't see that#I hate it I hate it I hate it#this fricking woman#personal
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oflights · 5 months
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for ao3 wrapped: 12, 18 and 28 - don’t feel pressured to answer all three if you don’t want to :)
hi!! thanks!
12. How many WIPs do you have in your docs for next year?
hmm. if we go by a strict definition of WIP, then i guess it's just one, because i don't think i'll finish star splitter up by january (even though i want to!!) i (usually) only write one fic at a time, so i don't typically have a bunch of WIPs going!
as for what's on deck, ideas-wise, i have a few! there's a cute mpreg one i want to do (sort of to make up for the fact that along each garden wall was more about getting pregnant than being pregnant lol), plus the gilmore girls AU, and i think i'm going to do kinkuary in february! i have this idea where, as a side effect of a potion he has to take, harry can hear people's loudest thoughts unless they're actively occluding them. he starts to hang with draco, who occludes all the time...except for his very loud, very kinky thoughts about harry. 😈
18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?
okay, i feel like the answer to this is always going to be hermione lol. i really struggle with her! i chafe a bit against the most common characterizations of her in fandom, so i'm always trying to do something different, but i don't always feel like i have a handle on that.
28. Favorite work you wrote this year?
hmm i won't count Close Behind because i technically wrote that in 2022, just finished posting in 2023. so i think i'll call it a tie between find a new place to be from and The Star Splitter. 😊
send me AO3 wrapped asks!
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the-busy-ghost · 2 years
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You know I used to beat myself up a bit for not reading/studying enough, and especially for wasting time during my teenage years because I stopped reading/trying and now have to catch up when it no longer matters or can do any good. 
But I’m slowly realising of late that there are a lot of books I’m glad I never read before I was ready to seek them out myself. Currently reading “Wuthering Heights” and I am so so glad I didn’t read that book in high school- I would have wildly misinterpreted the premise (even if I liked it), and that would have been a great disservice to the author and the book itself. Now I can really try to understand it on a different level and I think I will only grow to appreciate it more in time.
#Also- I'm not quite finished it so I might be wrong in this but don't think so- having read it myself#I feel like social media and popular culture (or at least the opinions I have heard personally) do a real disservice to Emily Bronte#She often gets painted as if she were romanticising Cathy and Heathcliff's relationship for some bizarre reason#The narrator may be an unreliable one but the whole tone of the book shows that there are sooo many problems with their relationship#I won't say Emily Bronte CONDEMNS the relationship- I doubt she would do anything so stuffy and Victorian#But she's very clear about showing us how toxic their relationship was (and Heathcliff's character  in particular)#But also how it stems from longstanding childhood abuse and neglect as well as issues of class and gender#And how nobody in the book no matter how nice can really claim to be exempt from blame on some level#As they all participate in a society that treats children as property and turns a blind eye to abuse#Or at the very least washes its hands saying 'well it's sad but that's the law and it's really the parent/master's problem'#And that abuse and neglect turns Heathcliff into a genuinely abysmal and horrifying person#Cathy's not in the same league but she's still a rather unpleasant person in the grand scheme of things#That being said! They are both sympathetic in different ways even as adults#They have some good qualities even under all that horror and Cathy in the end really does cut a pitiful figure#Let her breathe in the open air#Also like I think Bronte gives us a good idea of how things wouldn't necessarily be solved if Heathcliff and Cathy had stayed together#The effects of their childhood traumas have shaped them#Heathcliff sees anyone who isn't absolutely for him as being against him and would expect Cathy not just to be loyal but utterly partisan#Cathy must have her way and I don't think she would take kindly to Heathcliff disagreeing with her idea of what was best for them#Maybe I've just been reading the wrong media but because of its popular image I went into this book expecting to have to struggle through#some bizarre romanticisation of a toxic relationship where the reader is expected to totally fall in love with Heathcliff and excuse him#Or where Cathy is some kind of author's self-insert or the twentieth-century stereotype of how All Women Are Repressed And Only Want Sex#How lucky I am that a) that's really really not the case and b) that I am reading it at an age where I won't misinterpret it#Or allow my own judgement of the book and its merits to be clouded by some English teacher's Accepted Intepretation of Literature#Not that other people's interpretations haven't been absolutely fascinating and helpful#The pop culture view I was given was definitely based on only one particular type of interpretation of the novel#Also why do so many film/tv adaptations of the book seem to leave out the second bit of the story with the children etc?#I didn't even know that it isn't set in the Victorian era but the late eighteenth century! (Even if Victorian mores are important)#And god I love an old Yorkshire farmhouse with a cavernous kitchen and a date on the door lintel and a strange family history#reading log
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