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#The effects of their childhood traumas have shaped them
the-busy-ghost · 2 years
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You know I used to beat myself up a bit for not reading/studying enough, and especially for wasting time during my teenage years because I stopped reading/trying and now have to catch up when it no longer matters or can do any good. 
But I’m slowly realising of late that there are a lot of books I’m glad I never read before I was ready to seek them out myself. Currently reading “Wuthering Heights” and I am so so glad I didn’t read that book in high school- I would have wildly misinterpreted the premise (even if I liked it), and that would have been a great disservice to the author and the book itself. Now I can really try to understand it on a different level and I think I will only grow to appreciate it more in time.
#Also- I'm not quite finished it so I might be wrong in this but don't think so- having read it myself#I feel like social media and popular culture (or at least the opinions I have heard personally) do a real disservice to Emily Bronte#She often gets painted as if she were romanticising Cathy and Heathcliff's relationship for some bizarre reason#The narrator may be an unreliable one but the whole tone of the book shows that there are sooo many problems with their relationship#I won't say Emily Bronte CONDEMNS the relationship- I doubt she would do anything so stuffy and Victorian#But she's very clear about showing us how toxic their relationship was (and Heathcliff's character  in particular)#But also how it stems from longstanding childhood abuse and neglect as well as issues of class and gender#And how nobody in the book no matter how nice can really claim to be exempt from blame on some level#As they all participate in a society that treats children as property and turns a blind eye to abuse#Or at the very least washes its hands saying 'well it's sad but that's the law and it's really the parent/master's problem'#And that abuse and neglect turns Heathcliff into a genuinely abysmal and horrifying person#Cathy's not in the same league but she's still a rather unpleasant person in the grand scheme of things#That being said! They are both sympathetic in different ways even as adults#They have some good qualities even under all that horror and Cathy in the end really does cut a pitiful figure#Let her breathe in the open air#Also like I think Bronte gives us a good idea of how things wouldn't necessarily be solved if Heathcliff and Cathy had stayed together#The effects of their childhood traumas have shaped them#Heathcliff sees anyone who isn't absolutely for him as being against him and would expect Cathy not just to be loyal but utterly partisan#Cathy must have her way and I don't think she would take kindly to Heathcliff disagreeing with her idea of what was best for them#Maybe I've just been reading the wrong media but because of its popular image I went into this book expecting to have to struggle through#some bizarre romanticisation of a toxic relationship where the reader is expected to totally fall in love with Heathcliff and excuse him#Or where Cathy is some kind of author's self-insert or the twentieth-century stereotype of how All Women Are Repressed And Only Want Sex#How lucky I am that a) that's really really not the case and b) that I am reading it at an age where I won't misinterpret it#Or allow my own judgement of the book and its merits to be clouded by some English teacher's Accepted Intepretation of Literature#Not that other people's interpretations haven't been absolutely fascinating and helpful#The pop culture view I was given was definitely based on only one particular type of interpretation of the novel#Also why do so many film/tv adaptations of the book seem to leave out the second bit of the story with the children etc?#I didn't even know that it isn't set in the Victorian era but the late eighteenth century! (Even if Victorian mores are important)#And god I love an old Yorkshire farmhouse with a cavernous kitchen and a date on the door lintel and a strange family history#reading log
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saraswritingtipps · 11 months
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When writing about childhood trauma in a novel, it's important to handle the topic with sensitivity and nuance. Here are some quick tips to consider:
1. Research and understand: Take the time to research and understand the specific type of trauma you're addressing in your novel. This will help you portray it accurately and respectfully.
2. Show the impact: Explore how the childhood trauma has shaped the character's thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Illustrate the long-lasting effects it has had on their development and relationships.
3. Use flashbacks sparingly: Utilize flashbacks strategically to reveal key moments from the character's past that contribute to their trauma. Ensure that the flashbacks serve a purpose in the narrative and provide deeper insights into the character's experiences.
4. Depict coping mechanisms: Show how the character has developed coping mechanisms to deal with their trauma. This can include avoidance, dissociation, or seeking control in certain areas of their life.
5. Allow for healing and growth: Give your character opportunities for healing and growth throughout the story. Show how they confront their trauma, seek support, and gradually find ways to overcome the impact it has had on their life.
6. Avoid sensationalism: Handle the portrayal of childhood trauma with care, avoiding excessive graphic or gratuitous details. Focus on the emotional journey of the character rather than relying solely on shocking events for impact.
7. Show support systems: Include supportive relationships and resources that aid the character in their healing process. This can involve therapists, friends, or mentors who offer understanding, guidance, and empathy.
8. Highlight resilience: Illustrate the character's strength and resilience in the face of their trauma. Show how they find ways to persevere, grow, and rebuild their lives despite the challenges they have faced.
9. Offer hope and redemption: Provide a sense of hope and the possibility of healing for your character. Allow them to find moments of redemption and transformation, demonstrating that healing is attainable.
10. Approach with empathy: Approach the topic of childhood trauma with empathy and compassion. Treat the characters' experiences with respect, acknowledging the complexity and individuality of each person's journey.
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novlr · 11 months
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How do you write a flashback? When a character remembers something they’ve forgotten?
How to write flashbacks
Flashbacks are a powerful tool to deepen character development, create tension, and unveil hidden truths. They have the unique ability to transport readers to pivotal moments from the past, adding layers of richness to your story
Why are flashbacks useful?
Flashbacks serve various purposes in storytelling, each contributing to the overall narrative in its unique way. Here are some of the most common ways flashbacks are used:
1. Deepen character development and provide backstory:
Flashbacks allow you to delve into a character's past, unveiling formative experiences that shaped their personality. By revealing childhood memories, past relationships, and significant events, you can provide readers with a deeper understanding of the character's motivations, internal conflicts, and complexities.
2. Create tension, suspense, or surprise:
Flashbacks offer a powerful tool for building tension and suspense. You can strategically use them to foreshadow future events, creating anticipation and keeping readers on the edge of their seats. Additionally, flashbacks can introduce surprising revelations, challenge readers' assumptions, and add unexpected twists to the plot.
3. Reveal hidden motivations or secrets:
With flashbacks, you can peel back the layers of your characters and expose their hidden motivations and secrets. By delving into the past, you can uncover buried secrets that impact their present actions, unveil the true nature of supporting characters or antagonists, and provide readers with a deeper understanding of the characters' complexities.
4. Highlight character growth or transformation:
Flashbacks are excellent tools for showcasing character growth and transformation. By contrasting past and present versions of your characters, you can illustrate their development over time. These glimpses into their past can reveal pivotal moments that trigger significant changes in behaviour, allowing readers to witness their journey of self-discovery and personal evolution.
5. Provide historical or contextual information:
Flashbacks offer an opportunity to provide historical or contextual information that enriches your story. By exploring past events, you can offer insights into the historical backdrop or cultural context of your narrative. This enhances the authenticity of your world-building and provides a deeper understanding of the setting in which your story unfolds.
6. Surface a forgotten memory:
One fascinating aspect of flashbacks is their ability to surface forgotten memories. By resurrecting your characters’ buried experiences, you can explore the impact of past traumas or significant events in their lives. This allows for emotional depth and character growth as they confront unresolved issues and find closure.
What makes a good flashback?
A good flashback is relevant to the main narrative, providing crucial insights into the character's motivations and conflicts. It evokes strong emotions and utilizes vivid descriptions to immerse readers in the past. A well-executed flashback contributes to character development and maintains a balanced narrative flow, seamlessly transitioning back to the present story.
Choosing a strategic moment that adds depth or context to the story.
Using sensory triggers from the present moment to initiate a transition to the past.
Having a clear transition in and out of the flashback.
Ensuring the flashback doesn't disrupt the overall pacing and narrative, and that it serves a functional purpose.
Connecting to the present with an object or a sensory experience that triggers the flashback.
Bringing flashbacks to life
To make your flashbacks come alive and immerse readers in the memory, effective descriptions are crucial. Consider these six quick tips for engaging descriptions within flashbacks:
Use vivid language to paint a picture of the scene.
Incorporate sensory details like sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and textures to immerse readers in the memory.
Focus on details that are relevant to the plot, character development, or thematic elements of the story, avoiding excessive tangents or unnecessary descriptions.
Choose words and phrases that reflect the intensity of emotions experienced during the flashback.
Instead of relying on exposition, use action, dialogue, and interactions for characters to reveal information.
Highlight specific moments or key aspects of the flashback that contribute to the overall narrative.
Emphasise body language and gestures to draw attention to the emotions and reactions of the event.
Demonstrate character development by highlighting changes in behaviour, belief, or attitudes.
Showcase conflicts and resolutions, allowing readers to witness how they were resolved or left unresolved.
How to fit flashbacks into your story
There is no hard and fast rule for the best way to incorporate a flashback. But here are some interesting ways you can work it into your narrative, each with a different feel depending on the type of story you’re telling.
Consider shifting the narrative perspective when transitioning to a flashback. For instance, if the main story is told from a third-person limited perspective, you could switch to a first-person perspective during the flashback to immerse readers in the character's direct experience.
Switch between past and present-moment reflections to create a sense of urgency. This can be done by having the character contemplate the significance of the memory or showing immediate connections to a character’s present situation.
Adapt the voice of the flashback to match the character’s age, knowledge, and emotional state during the flashback. This helps differentiate the narrative style and adds depth to the character's past experiences.
Blend flashbacks seamlessly into the main narrative by incorporating them into the character's thoughts, dialogue, or actions, rather than separating a flashback out into its own scene.
Use clear markers, such as chapter breaks, section headers, or formatting changes, to signal the beginning and end of a flashback to keep it contained within a scene.
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hayatheauthor · 9 months
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The Dos and Don'ts of Writing Flashbacks in Fiction
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In the realm of storytelling, flashbacks serve as powerful tools that allow authors to delve into their characters' pasts and enrich their narratives. However, crafting effective flashbacks requires finesse and precision. In this blog post, I will explore the dos and don'ts of writing flashbacks in fiction.
Understanding the Purpose of Flashbacks
Flashbacks play a crucial role in fiction writing, offering various benefits that can elevate your storytelling to new heights. Let's examine the primary purposes of incorporating flashbacks into your narrative:
A. Emphasizing Character Development
By utilizing flashbacks to unveil a character's past experiences, traumas, or significant events, you can offer readers deeper insights into their motivations and actions in the present. This creates multidimensional characters, making them more relatable and compelling to your audience.
Example:
In J.K. Rowling's "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix," the flashbacks showcasing Severus Snape's troubled childhood and his complex relationship with James Potter help readers understand his motivations and the complexities of his character. 
B. Building Emotional Depth
Well-crafted flashbacks have the power to evoke strong emotions in readers. When you transport them to a pivotal moment in a character's past, you intensify their connection to the character's journey and the overall storyline.
C. Advancing the Plot
Flashbacks can serve as valuable tools to reveal crucial information that propels the main plot forward. They can provide context, clarify mysteries, and offer insights that impact the present-day events in your story.
Example:
In Gillian Flynn's "Gone Girl," the well-timed flashbacks provide readers with essential information about the characters' pasts, which ultimately shapes the unfolding events and twists in the narrative.
Understanding the underlying purposes of flashbacks allows you to harness their potential effectively. Before incorporating a flashback into your writing, consider how it contributes to character development, emotional depth, or plot advancement.
Dos for Writing Flashbacks
Now that I’ve covered the significance of flashbacks in fiction, let's explore the essential dos to ensure your flashbacks are compelling, seamless, and effective:
Seamlessness and Clarity
One of the key factors to keep in mind when writing flashbacks is to ensure they are seamlessly integrated into your narrative. Avoid abrupt transitions that can confuse readers. Instead, provide clear cues or signals to indicate that a flashback is beginning.
Utilize phrases like "In the past," "Years ago," or "I remember when" to smoothly introduce the flashback. Another tip is to employ italics or a change in font style for the flashback section to set it apart from the present-day narrative. 
Relevance and Significance
Every flashback should have a purpose that contributes to the overall story. Avoid incorporating flashbacks solely for the sake of backstory or exposition. Each flashback should offer valuable insights into the characters, their relationships, or the plot.
If your protagonist is struggling with trust issues, a flashback depicting a past betrayal or a moment of broken trust can add depth to their present-day challenges. 
Engaging Descriptions
To immerse readers in the flashback scene, use descriptive language that brings the past to life. Engage the senses to paint a vivid picture of the setting, characters, and emotions.
Instead of stating, "She was scared during the incident," show the fear through actions and sensations: "Her heart pounded against her chest, and her hands trembled as she clutched the edge of the table."
Limitation and Balance
While flashbacks can enhance your story, overusing them can disrupt the narrative flow. Limit the number of flashbacks and their length, ensuring they complement the main storyline without overshadowing it.
If your novel spans several years, consider using only a few carefully chosen flashbacks to highlight the most impactful moments in your character's past.
By adhering to these dos, you can create seamless and impactful flashbacks that add depth to your characters and enrich your narrative.
Don'ts for Writing Flashbacks
As with any writing technique, there are pitfalls to avoid when incorporating flashbacks into your fiction. Steering clear of these common mistakes will help ensure that your flashbacks enhance your story rather than hinder it:
Avoid Info Dumps:
While flashbacks are an excellent tool to provide backstory, be cautious not to overwhelm your readers with lengthy info dumps. Instead, sprinkle relevant information throughout the narrative to maintain a steady flow.
For example, rather than presenting all the details of a character's childhood in one extended flashback, reveal crucial information gradually through dialogue, memories, or short flashback snippets.
Steer Clear of Randomness
Ensure that each flashback is purposeful and directly contributes to the understanding of your characters or the plot. Avoid including flashbacks that feel disconnected or irrelevant to the central storyline.
For example, if your story revolves around a murder mystery, avoid incorporating flashbacks that focus on unrelated events unless they have a direct impact on the mystery's resolution. A flashback scene about a suspect’s childhood friendship with the victim might seem relevant, however, unless this flashback reveals a new dynamic outside of what is already established it might not be important.
Mind the Chronological Order
It is essential to maintain a clear and coherent timeline when using flashbacks. Confusing readers with inconsistent chronology can disrupt the flow of your story and lead to misunderstandings.
For example If a character's flashback reveals a traumatic event, ensure that it aligns with the character's age and the sequence of events in the present-day narrative.
Minimize Flashback Within Flashback
While flashbacks can be a valuable tool, nesting multiple layers of flashbacks within each other can become confusing and disorienting for readers. Limit the use of "flashback within flashback" techniques.
Instead of presenting a character's memory within a flashback itself, narrate the original flashback and then transition back to the present.
By avoiding these pitfalls, you can ensure that your flashbacks remain engaging and seamless, enhancing your storytelling rather than detracting from it.
Techniques to Enhance Flashback Writing
To master the art of writing flashbacks, consider employing these techniques that will make your flashback scenes more engaging and impactful:
Show, Don't Tell
As with any narrative element, "showing" rather than "telling" is a fundamental principle of good storytelling. Use descriptive language and vivid imagery to immerse readers in the flashback scene, allowing them to experience events alongside the characters.
For example, instead of stating, "He was heartbroken when she left," show the heartbreak through the character's actions and emotions: "He clutched the crumpled letter in his trembling hands, his eyes welling up with tears as he read her farewell words."
Blend with Character Voice
Maintaining consistency in narrative voice during flashbacks is essential for preserving the authenticity of the characters. Ensure that the language and tone used in the flashback reflect the character's voice at that particular moment in their life.
This is especially important for childhood memories. If your protagonist is recalling a childhood memory, the language and narration style should match their age and level of maturity at that time.
Foreshadowing and Subtlety
Use flashbacks strategically to foreshadow future events or provide subtle hints about upcoming plot developments. This technique can create a sense of anticipation and intrigue in readers, keeping them engrossed in your story.
For example, in a mystery novel, a flashback showing a brief encounter with the antagonist before they become the primary threat can add suspense and anticipation for the eventual confrontation.
Break the Rules Intentionally
While it is essential to follow the dos and don'ts of writing flashbacks, there may be instances where intentionally breaking the rules can create unique storytelling effects. For example, if your protagonist suffers from memory loss, using fragmented and disjointed flashbacks can mirror their confusion and contribute to the overall atmosphere of the story.
By incorporating these techniques, you can craft vivid, emotionally resonant flashbacks that deepen your readers' connection to the characters and enrich your narrative.
I hope this blog on The Dos and Don'ts of Writing Flashbacks will help you in your writing journey. Be sure to comment any tips of your own to help your fellow authors prosper, and follow my blog for new blog updates every Monday and Thursday.  
Looking For More Writing Tips And Tricks? 
Are you an author looking for writing tips and tricks to better your manuscript? Or do you want to learn about how to get a literary agent, get published and properly market your book? Consider checking out the rest of Haya’s book blog where I post writing and publishing tips for authors every Monday and Thursday! And don’t forget to head over to my TikTok and Instagram profiles @hayatheauthor to learn more about my WIP and writing journey! 
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ozmatippetarius · 11 months
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I am once again asking you to put some respect on Charles's name. He's bewilderingly under-appreciated as a character despite being really complex and well-developed. I see a crazy number of people say they hate him completely without nuance, for a novel where reading deeply and questioning everything is the entire point. Anyway, here's something you might have missed if you shotgunned the book and then have lived off of fanon ever since until you forgot what was actually in the text.
Charles is almost certainly a CSA victim
A major motif of The Secret History is the extent to which childhood trauma has shaped these characters' current actions. Henry was neglected by his father, so he latches onto Julian now. Francis has a codependent relationship with his addict mother that has obviously shaped his actions with Charles. Richard grew up in an abusive family and finds himself forced into a mediator role now; he grew up in poverty and latches onto the first wealthy group that will accept him.
For some reason a lot of readers seem to think that the twins' issues instead developed totally in a vacuum? That they just spontaneously developed an incestuous relationship in adulthood, for the drama of it?
You all know that would be bad writing, would be awful. But you refuse to examine it any closer. You say "the incest is gross" and decide you're just not going to think any more about it, because it makes you uncomfortable.
So let's see if we can ferret out a better explanation. What are some of the risk behaviors we see from Charles?
Substance Abuse - shouldn't need much of an explanation, I think pretty much everybody picked up on this.
Eating Disorder - seems to have been missed by a lot more people, but a major part of why Charles ended up in the hospital is that he simply stopped eating. When Richard and Francis take him to lunch after getting out, he refuses to eat even when they are begging him. Afterwards, we're told he's subsisting entirely off of peanuts for the rest of the novel.
Sexual Risk Behavior - his relationship with Camilla, clearly.
Trust Issues - his relationship with Richard is dripping with this. He spends the entire second half of the novel begging Richard not to betray him ("You're my friend, aren't you?" "You wouldn't go behind my back, would you?") and at the final showdown, Richard is the person he is most angry with, for breaking that trust.
Revictimization - y'all aren't going to like this, but his relationship with Francis is absolutely this.
What do all these bullets have in common? They're all common long term effects of childhood sexual assault.
Hey, remember that sequence shortly before Bunny is killed where he's antagonizing every member of the group individually by taunting them about their secrets he could expose? For Henry, obviously he's threatening to expose the farmer's death. For Richard, his lies about his wealthy background. For Camilla, her incestuous relationship. For Francis, his homosexuality. So what about Charles- what's he threatening to expose here? He wouldn't randomly leave out one of the group, right? Well, let's roll the clip.
If he treated Henry with deference, it was the rest of us who were forced to bear the wearing, day-to-day brunt of his anger. Most of the time he was simply irritating: for example, in his ill-informed and frequent tirades against the Catholic Church. Bunny’s family was Episcopalian, and my parents, as far as I knew, had no religious affiliation at all; but Henry and Francis and the twins had been reared as Catholics; and though none of them went to church much, Bunny’s ignorant, tireless stream of blasphemies enraged them. With leers and winks he told stories about lapsed nuns, sluttish Catholic girls, pederastic priests (“So then, this Father What’s-His-Name, he said to the altar boy—this kid is nine years old, mind you, he’s in my Cub Scout troop—he says to Tim Mulrooney, ‘Son, would you like to see where me and all the other fathers sleep at night?’ ”). He invented outrageous stories of the perversions of various Popes; informed them of little-known points of Catholic doctrine; raved about Vatican conspiracies, ignoring Henry’s bald refutations and Francis’s muttered asides about social-climbing Protestants. What was worse was when he chose to zero in on one person in particular. With some preternatural craftiness he always knew the right nerve to touch, at exactly the right moment, to wound and outrage most. Charles was good-natured, and slow to anger, but he was sometimes so disturbed by these anti-Catholic diatribes that his very teacup would clatter upon its saucer.
His Catholicism? Charles, the group member most morally affronted by the idea of killing and also the most affectionate towards Bunny, comes around to the idea of murder because Bunny is making fun of his Catholicism, something that hasn't been mentioned before and never will be again? Something that has been consistently shown to bother Francis and Henry more?
Connect the dots, here - Charles isn't triggered to the point of physically shaking because Bunny is making fun of Catholics, something we know that he's been doing for years. He's triggered because Bunny is taunting him with stories about adult men molesting young boys, in front of everybody.
Anyway, this isn't a defense of Charles's treatment of Camilla. Obviously "hurt people hurt people" isn't meant as an excuse or a hand-wave. But it is an explanation. Charles is, like every other character in this novel, a flawed person who does some terrible things with complex motivations, and he deserves the same amount of respect you give the other flawed characters who do terrible things with complex motivations.
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acosmicventure · 11 months
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Scars of Your Survival Instinct in Birth Chart
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SURVIVAL INSTINCT MEANS...
Survival instinct is a natural response to imminent danger, where your body responds by triggering a fight, flight, or freeze response to keep you safe.
The fight response involves confronting the threat head-on, the flight response involves escaping or avoiding the threat, and the freeze response involves hoping that the threat will pass.
However, being in this state for prolonged periods due to trauma can have damaging effects on our physical and mental health.
HOW STRUGGLES OF CHILDHOOD MANIFEST HERE
When faced with difficult upbringing and authority figures, a child often learns to build a wall to protect him/herself from the world.
This protection mechanism acts as a behaviour of emotional unavailability, anger issues, passive aggression and depression.
Slowly, your body starts keeping count of your trauma which leads to major health issues like high blood pressure, heart illness, diabetes and more.
IN MEN
It can lead to a highly complex ego where you seek external validation through superficial status, short-lived relationships and a running away mentality. Also, an extremist mentality.
IN WOMEN
It can lead to a high inferiority complex where you people please or are hyper-independent, focus too much on external beauty and couldn't assert yourself. Also, a victimhood mentality.
IN YOUR NATAL BLUEPRINT
Your ancestors survived many calamities so that you can break the patterns of the sufferings you are carrying within. These patterns can manifest as...
HOUSE OF ARIES AND MARS
Whichever house Aries and Mars are located in, that house shapes the way you survive the most challenging battles and bullying.
HOUSE OF SCORPIO AND PLUTO
This house shapes the way you transform yourself after going through ego death. Shadow work here brings immense healing to your ancestry.
HOUSE OF CAPRICORN AND SATURN
Whichever house Cap and Saturn are located in, that house shapes the way you learn karmic lessons and channel ancestral gifts to achieve legacy.
SUN-SATURN ASPECT, SUN IN LIBRA/ AQUA
This aspect makes you learn lessons about your identity, soul and heal inner criticism.
MARS-SATURN ASPECT, SAT IN ARIES
This aspect makes you learn lessons about your assertiveness and how you show up. A prominent survival instinct that needs nurturing and stability.
MOON IN SCORPIO, VIRGO, CAP, AQUARIUS
This aspect makes you close your heart space due to difficult childhood. Your healing begins when you prioritise self-care and emotional consciousness.
MOON-SATURN ASPECT, SAT IN 4TH HOUSE
This aspect makes you learn lessons about your emotional boundaries, home life and ancestry. Here, you heal by redefining what home/ family is.
PLUTO-MARS ASPECT, MARS IN 8TH HOUSE
This aspect makes you hyper-aware of the energies around you. Trusting your intuition is needed here.
VENUS-SATURN ASPECT, SAT IN 7TH HOUSE
This aspect makes you isolated from partnerships (business or love). This is also an indication to not repeat parental patterns within your relationship.
VENUS-PLUTO ASPECT, VENUS IN 8TH HOUSE
This aspect asks you to heal patterns around power struggles, abuse, finance, ancestry and intimacy.
VENUS-NEPTUNE ASPECT, VEN IN 12TH HOUSE
This aspect makes you learn about the importance of boundaries and not justifying destructive habits, especially within partnerships.
HOW YOU THRIVE INSTEAD OF SURVIVE
Practice cognitive reframing by challenging negative thoughts and replacing them with more positive and realistic ones. Set realistic goals.
Engage in activities that promote relaxation and stress reduction. This can include deep breathing exercises, therapy or mindfulness techniques.
Be gentle with yourself throughout the healing process. Understand that it takes time to recover from a prolonged state of survival instinct
© A COSMIC VENTURE
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v3nusxsky · 1 year
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Hello Mars!! Hope all is well. Hoping to request a student agere Larissa fic!
It’s parents weekend and r is a shapeshifter and when stressed or nervous she regresses to the age she feels. R’s parents come and they know (or don’t know, up to you) that R regresses which annoys them and tell her to grow up. So when R is feeling overwhelmed, they run to Larissa in tears and regresses in her arms. Maybe R stays in her arms while Larissa finishes her work and basically loves R like her own🥺
-🐈‍⬛
Precious Angel
*Authors note~ I love this idea sm and I can't wait to write it *
Trigger warnings~ age regression unsupportive parents shapeshifter r
Prompt~see ask^^^^^
✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿
Regressing was something you tried to keep private from your family, they weren't the most supportive parents in the world, especially when you told them about your sexuality. They'd practically disowned you at this point. So that's why when you were told they'd visit for this parent's weekend all you felt was dread. Why now? You'd attended Nevermore now for three years, so why on earth would the visit now after leaving you here three years ago and telling you to forget their existence, you were a ward of the state as far as they were concerned. Nothing more than a freak.
You still remember it as clear as day and yet now you'd have to face them again. The trauma they had caused you was the whole reason why Doctor Kimbot explored the idea of regression, your shape shifting ability adding an element that allowed you to reclaim that part of your childhood. Larissa was the only other person who knew you regressed, she caught you in your toddler state crying and stumbling your way through the Nevermore halls late at night. And that is when she met Oaklyn. You decided to give her a name that you think would've fit you well and it helped separate your mindsets.
Larissa and Oaklyn hit it off, Larissa falling in love with the little girls toothy grin and infectious giggles. She immediately took on the caregiver role for Oaklyn and you knew if you needed to let Oaklyn out she would always be safe with Larissa, her motherly instincts made both you and Oaklyn feel incredibly safe.
Your parents had been at Nevermore a total of two hours and you were already stressed beyond belief. Their constant nitpicking and comments where driving you insane and making your ache with a sadness you thought was long gone. You could feel Oaklyn wanting to slip but with them here it felt near enough impossible for you to let her. That's when they found Oaks box. Larissa had gifted the little girl the box made out of oak wood, painted a nice Saige green with her name in gold letters. The box contained all of her little items.
When your parents followed you to your dorm and spotted the box you felt your stomach sickly twist with fear. To say they hit the roof was an understatement. Your dad went redder than a tomato and your mother began to throw Oaks items on the floor, effectively breaking a few and scuffing the beautiful hand made box. You lost your control then and there, Oak slipped, tears streaming down the two year olds cheeks as she looked up to see your mother and father breaking her items.
That was all it took for the little girl to burst out in tears and flee the room, followed by insults being hurled her way. The little girl instinctively found her way to Larissa Weems office, without knocking she pushed open the semi shut door and stormed in. She was hysterically crying and picking at her clothes which was scaring the headmistress. "Hi baby" the blonde greeted the little girl only to be met with a teary "momma" cut off by hiccups and her hands outstretched in her signature "grabby hands" motion.
"Oh baby, come to momma" was all the toddler needed to hear before slamming her tiny body onto the older woman's. "Momma, mean people broke special box" she sobbed clutching onto Larissa like a life line. "Oh baby your box is broke? Momma can try fix it or get a new one okay? What caused the slip love?" Oak pouted and took a few deep breaths, "parents mean things going leave me sad" you mumbled as you nuzzled into the woman.
She scooped you up into her arms and moved back to her desk, settling you on her lap as you snuggled impossibly closer. "You're okay my love bug, thank you for finding momma darling, I'll make sure it's all okay don't you worry. Mommas so proud of her girl, you just rest pretty baby" she murmured rocking you gently which happened to soothe the two year old to sleep as she clung to Larissa as if she'd disappear. "I'm here love bug, I'm never gonna leave you. You don't deserve those awful parents darling. Mommas gonna protect you" she promised with a sweet kiss to your forehead.
Word count~ 853
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laidee-flegman · 5 months
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Shadow work prompts for dealing with anger
The Blaze Within: Reflect on a recent moment when anger flared up within you. What triggered it, and how did you express or suppress it?
The Roots of Rage: Explore your earliest memories of anger. How was anger expressed in your family, and how did it shape your current relationship with this emotion?
The Volcano Effect: Describe a time when your anger erupted unexpectedly. What were the consequences, and what deeper emotions were fueling the eruption?
The Mask of Calm: Identify situations where you tend to mask your anger with a calm exterior. What fears or judgments are you avoiding by doing this?
The Inferno of Injustice: Recall a situation where you felt a strong sense of injustice. How did this injustice trigger your anger, and what actions can you take to address it constructively?
The Fire and Relationships: Reflect on how anger influences your relationships. How do you express anger with loved ones, and how can you improve communication during heated moments?
The Ember of Self-Anger: Explore instances where you directed anger inward. What self-judgments or criticisms trigger this self-directed anger, and how can you practice self-compassion instead?
The Thunderstorm Release: Consider healthy outlets for releasing anger, such as physical activity or creative expression. How can you incorporate these outlets into your routine to prevent emotional buildup?
The Tsunami of Triggers: Identify recurring triggers that consistently ignite your anger. How can you address or reframe these triggers to diffuse their power?
The Echoes of Childhood Wrath: Reflect on how anger was expressed in your childhood home. What patterns have you carried into adulthood, and how can you break or transform them?
The Shadow Self: Explore the aspects of your personality or desires that you suppress or deny. How does acknowledging and integrating these shadow aspects influence your experience of anger?
The Smoke Screen: Consider moments when you used anger as a distraction from addressing deeper issues. What emotions or truths were you avoiding, and how can you confront them directly?
The Inferiority Flame: Examine situations where anger arises from feelings of inadequacy. How can you work on building self-esteem and addressing the root cause of these feelings?
The Blaze of Betrayal: Reflect on a time when you felt betrayed. How did anger manifest, and what steps can you take to heal from the betrayal without letting anger consume you?
The Phoenix of Forgiveness: Explore your resistance to forgiveness. What beliefs or fears prevent you from letting go of anger, and how can forgiveness liberate you?
The Heat of Expectations: Identify situations where unmet expectations trigger your anger. How can you adjust your expectations or communicate them more effectively to avoid unnecessary rage?
The Infernal Internal Dialogue: Examine the way you talk to yourself when angry. What critical or harsh words arise, and how can you reframe your internal dialogue to be more compassionate?
The Wildfire of Projection: Reflect on times when you projected your anger onto others. What insecurities or unresolved issues were you avoiding, and how can you address them directly?
The Flashback Flames: Explore whether past traumas contribute to the intensity of your anger. How can acknowledging and addressing these traumas help you manage anger in the present?
The Avalanche of Accumulation: Consider the impact of suppressing anger over time. How does accumulated anger manifest in your life, and what steps can you take to release it in a healthy way?
The Cooling Waters: Imagine a scenario where you navigate anger with calmness and clarity. What tools or strategies can you implement to achieve this state in real-life situations?
The Smoke Signals of Boundaries: Reflect on your relationship with boundaries. How does setting and enforcing healthy boundaries contribute to managing anger?
The Firewalk of Acceptance: Explore the concept of accepting anger as a natural emotion. How can acknowledging and accepting anger without judgment transform your relationship with it?
The Firefighter's Compassion: Consider how you respond when others express anger. How can you cultivate empathy and understanding instead of reacting defensively?
The Ember of Grudges: Examine any lingering grudges you hold. How do these grudges fuel your anger, and what steps can you take to release them for your own well-being?
The Quenching Rain: Identify activities or practices that soothe and calm your anger. How can you integrate these into your routine as preventive measures?
The Inferno of Control: Reflect on situations where a lack of control triggers anger. How can you embrace uncertainty and release the need for control to manage anger more effectively?
The Lighthouse of Reflection: Consider journaling as a tool for reflecting on your anger. How can regular journaling help you gain insights, track patterns, and manage your emotions?
The Cauldron of Creativity: Explore creative outlets as a means of expressing and transforming anger. How can engaging in artistic or expressive activities help channel your emotions constructively?
The Bonfire of Release: Imagine a ritual for releasing pent-up anger. What symbolic actions or ceremonies can you create to release and let go of anger in a transformative way?
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hausofneptune · 4 months
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[the astrology of pedro pascal] - hard saturn aspects (major) | saturn square pluto
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hey y’all! in this series we’ll be covering major hard/challenging aspects (squares and oppositions) to pedro’s saturn. he doesn’t have any minor soft aspects to his saturn, but minor challenging aspects to his saturn (semi-squares/sesquiquadrates and semi-sextiles/inconjunctions) will be covered in an upcoming series, as well as the rest of the major and minor aspects to the rest of his planets, and asteroids in his chart! i also want to note that when it comes to these aspects, they have to be examined through the lens of the entire chart, as they’re influenced by a myriad of factors within it.
disclaimers | masterlist | ask
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saturn square pluto (4°31’)
– discussions surrounding plutonian themes can be heavy so content warning for violence, (childhood) trauma, death, and abuse. nothing detailed or explicit, just an advisory for those who want to avoid these topics.
in this aspect, the planetary bodies are in conflict with one another. saturn is representative of long-term goals, how we approach those goals, and more specifically the restriction and difficulty we face in meeting these goals. most often you’ll hear saturn referred to as the “teacher” or the “father” of the planetary bodies, it is the “bar” you set for yourself. pluto is considered the co-ruler of scorpio in modern astrology, and is representative of sexuality, the taboo, fears, death, control/domination, destruction and rebirth. pluto is also a generational planet, and stays in the same sign for 12-32 years, therefore people born within that time frame will all share the same placement. 
life for those with this aspect can entail a great deal of discipline and sacrifice. these natives can experience episodes of depression and may struggle with imposter syndrome. they may have a tendency towards stubbornness, a trait that on one hand can manifest as  determination towards meeting their goals, but can also result in stagnancy if it becomes a resistance to change. regardless, these natives are extremely strong and resilient, especially when they come to terms with the fact that the things they’ve been through and the things they’ve yet to accomplish don’t represent their worth as human beings.
the effects of this aspect manifest similarly to the sun square saturn, sun opposite pluto, moon square pluto, moon opposite saturn, and jupiter opposite pluto aspects pedro also has (this man is an extremely plutonic/saturnian person if y’all haven’t caught on by now). there’s a common theme among these aspects that manifests as these natives potentially facing abuse or neglect in youth, or experiencing some form of a tumultuous childhood. this turmoil shapes and molds their outlook on themselves, on life, and their relationships. 
in adulthood, their trauma may show up as having a general distrust of others, all the while craving respect and affirmation from those around them. aspects to saturn and pluto are usually marked by a deep need for control, usually to avoid ending up in situations where they feel submissive, rejected, or humiliated. any sense of vulnerability can make them feel anxious, as though they’re “re-experiencing” the distress they felt in their youth/past. 
in the context of saturn square pluto, the father/paternal figure (or any relevant authority figure in their childhood) plays a significant role in their lives. this can manifest as having a father who’s lived experience was plutonic in nature, he may have experience some form of trauma or turmoil in his life, and/or worked to care for or to help people who were sick or struggled with addiction (i.e. medical industry, rehabilitation workforce, therapists/social workers, etc.). in the case of pedro’s father, he was a fertility doctor, and he allegedly did some scummy shit during his career. i feel like there’s a point to be made there about plutonic themes but i don’t want to come across as insensitive so if you get it, you get it. 
in more extreme cases, the father/paternal/authority figure may have been a source of trauma for the native, and he could’ve been abusive or neglectful towards his child(ren). he may have been more heavily dedicated to his work/career than he was to being a father, and could’ve have set high expectations that the native may have felt they couldn’t meet. this could also manifest as the father being sick or disabled, struggling with addiction, or passing away. 
this can also manifest as having a childhood or lived experiences that were marked by being in environments that sought to “control” the native’s identity, thought process, or behavior. the native, or those around them, may have felt inclined to rebel against the restrictions imposed upon them by the system, and were therefore punished or outcast as a result. 
they strive to maintain control in all facets of their lives, and may find a sense of “power” in their careers. success typically doesn’t come easy for these natives, as they can encounter many obstacles that keep them from progressing in both their lives and careers. they may have an aversion to authority, and could experience power-struggles with their employers or bosses, or find conflict between themselves and the people they work with. they typically benefit from having a career that they’re extremely passionate about, but may have a tendency to over-extend themselves at times and not prioritize rest. they should be mindful as to not use their work as a means of escapism or to distract themselves from implementing any adjustments needed in their lives. 
their past tends to hold the most influence over the way they navigate through life. while their endurance and strength shapes them into hard workers that don’t budge in the face of setbacks, operating through the lens of the pain they’ve experienced can hinder their growth and negatively impact personal relationships. they may repeatedly ignore repeated advice from their partners and loved ones if they’re especially stuck in their ways, and potentially lose relationships and miss out on opportunities in the process. 
though it may take time and maturity, they’ll come to realize that rebirth is a recurring, necessary theme in their lives, they eventually must confront their fears and embrace growth in order to reach their full potential. their personal evolution is significant, and they would benefit greatly from introspection and working on the parts of themselves that need healing. their spirituality plays a large role in their journeys, they’ll encounter lessons that guide them to recognize and unlearn the habits that keep them stuck in cycles of self-sabotaging behavior.
ultimately, these natives should work on their discernment when it comes to navigating their relationship to the world around them and more importantly, their relationship to themselves. with this aspect, it can feel as though the weight of the world is on their shoulders. they should tap into their spiritual side, and work towards healing the pain housed within their subconscious to make the frustrations that come alongside this aspect easier. they should work towards not being too hard on themselves, and would benefit from having a mentor, life coach, or therapist to prevent them from “getting too into their own heads” and providing them with a sense of guidance. 
as always, if anyone has any of the placements or aspects mentioned in this post i’d love to hear how it personally manifests in your own life and how it impacts your personality, or if anyone has anything to add in general feel free to reach out and let me know!
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arkham-dossiers · 3 months
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Patient File: Edelgard von Hresvelg
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This is a patient whose life has multiple outcomes, but only one root.
The root in question is that she is one of many children borne by Ionus von Hresvelg IX, the Emperor of Fodlan's Adrestrian Empire. During the first few years of Edelgard's life, she was instilled with a sense of imperial pride...and imperial responsibility. This on its own would be unremarkable given her circumstances, but said circumstances soon changed drastically. After an internal coup effectively removed Emperor Ionus from power beyond that of a figurehead, Edelgard and her siblings were locked in the palace dungeon and experimented upon by a shadowy collective of mages.
The cruelty of the experiments, which turned Edelgard's hair white and cut her natural lifespan in half, also caused her great psychological and emotional trauma, as did the suffering and eventual deaths of her siblings around her. As the only one to achieve the desired result of the mages' experiments, the ability to bear two Crests rather than just one, Edelgard holds massive survivor's guilt. All of this - in tandem with one of the few childhood memories prior to the experiments that she vaguely retained, where she was gifted a dagger by a relative and told to cut out her own path in life beyond what's expected of her - is what shaped Edelgard into who she is now and influenced the extreme actions she took.
In several timeline branches, Edelgard allies herself with the mages in order to serve their purpose while also scheming to betray them once she has obtained the requisite power and knowledge to efficiently do so. Living a double life as a student at the Garreg Mach Monastery's Officers Academy and as a masked terrorist known as the Flame Emperor, Edelgard manipulated her classmates and cut deals with criminals in order to bring instability to Fodlan, particularly the Church of Seiros that runs Garreg Mach and holds sway over most of Fodlan's society and governing bodies, with the end result being her as the newly crowned Emperor of Adrestria declaring war on the Church and its allies so that Fodlan may be united under the Adrestrian banner. In one timeline, she prevailed, while in others she was defeated and slain, although the results of the war still led to a changed Fodlan and a united government full of societal reforms.
In other timeline branches, however, Edelgard was able to betray the mages early on. As a result, she dropped the Flame Emperor guise and was instead able to manipulate the Church into acting as the aggressor toward Adrestria, now justifying a war in retaliation. Sometimes she prevailed, sometimes she didn't, and sometimes a compromise was reached, but in all cases she was able to survive.
What all of these timelines share in common is Edelgard's almost monomaniacal focus on her end goal: destroying both the Church of Seiros and the mages, and unifying Fodlan under the Adrestrian Empire so that it can be completely restructured for the better, abolishing the nobility and Crest system in favor of a meritocracy. In contrast to most warmongers, Edelgard has no intention of holding onto power. Once her end goal has been achieved, she plans on appointing a successor and stepping down to live out whatever years remain in her shortened life in peace. It's a peculiarly selfish brand of selflessness she has: ruthlessly forcing her will and ideals upon the population of Fodlan all so that they and future generations can reap the benefits rather than herself. She similarly rationalizes all the deaths her war causes this way: many will die, but if her reforms to Fodlan are put in place many more will live. There will be little chance of anyone else having to suffer the way she and her siblings did.
That is ultimately what Edelgard's motives boil down to: the desire to prevent future victims of what she was put through, by eliminating every factor that led to her suffering. The Church of Seiros, the system favoring bloodlines and the power of Crests that it perpetuates through its false gospel, the corrupt nobles, and of course the mages...Edelgard hates them all for what happened to her and her siblings, but she does not seek their demise out of a desire for vengeance. Having accepted what is done cannot be undone, Edelgard instead focuses on the future, with the past and even the present firmly pushed behind her. This is what grants her the ability to emotionally detach and repress even her own moral compass to an almost sociopathic degree in order to do what she believes is necessary. As she herself puts it: "My regret. My grief. My whole life. I've thrown it all away...into the darkness..." She is fully aware that others will see her as a villain for this, but she is willing to embrace that label so long as she can change Fodlan for the better.
Edelgard's greatest fear is forging personal attachments to others. Not only does she fear losing people she grows close to like she lost her siblings, but she fears being close to people will be a greater burden on her conscience, making her hesitate and second-guess the path she's taking even when she whole-heartedly feels it's a path she needs to stick to. In the worst case scenario, Edelgard isolates herself so much that she is consumed by her lack of self-love and her need to prevail by any means necessary, transforming herself into an inhuman monstrosity as a result. Conversely, in the best case scenarios, Edelgard discovers that being close to people willing to share her path with her and taking input from them even if it goes against what she believes is achievable and healthy, leading to her showing more emotion and vulnerability rather than stoically take on every burden by herself. This usually comes about through Byleth, the human avatar of the reincarnated Nabatean goddess Sothis.
Diagnosis: Taken on the whole, Edelgard appears to suffer from a frighteningly potent combination of post-traumatic stress disorder, high-functioning avoidant personality disorder, and mild dissociative tendencies. Her past is both everything and nothing to her simultaneously, having shaped her psychology even as said psychology centers around fixating upon the future at the expense of all else. Depending on what point of her life she's at, treatment and improvement is possible, although victims tragically unpreventable.
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This patient is not dangerous if approached in peace.
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quietwingsinthesky · 8 months
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Dean is such a paradox for me because on the one hand, I have been actively triggered by him in the show, there are moments where, intentionally or not, the writers managed to create a portrayal of manipulation and abuse and control issues that it sets off actual alarms for me. And on the other hand, I would not have him any other way. There is something — not comforting, that’s too soft a word — about knowing where Dean’s actions stem from, having seen and learned all that we do about his childhood neglect and parentification and the trauma he goes through repeatedly in the show, and that he doesn’t come out clean. He comes out a goddamn mess who ends up hurting the people around him in reaction to his own pain!
There’s a reality there that’s. Almost nice, actually. Distressing to watch, but it is a fucking mess, it’s a good mess! He’s got zero healthy coping skills and a healthy relationship with say, his brother, is terrifying because it leaves him open to abandonment!
I’m not sure I’m wording this correctly. There is a way to be a good abuse victim. Take the pain, martyr yourself on it, and then, even if you have no support or idea how to, then you have to become a Good Person who never hurts anyone the way you have been learning to your entire life. Simply toss everything that shaped you out the door and emerge a saint with a tragic backstory. And Dean is not that. And that’s so fucking good. Everything that he has gone through continues to effect the way he treats the people around him, and he can’t fight the behaviors he might recognize as harmful because he also sees them as protecting him (or protecting Sam by keeping Sam with him.)
And sometimes, idk. It feels good to see a guy who didn’t heal the “right way.” Who mostly didn’t heal at all, just keeps the wound open because it’s easier that way.
#there’s a whole other bit to this about how like. it’s hard for fandom to hold the idea that someone can be both a victim and abusive#at the same time. that the ways someone has been hurt don’t always shape them into kindness and wide-eyed sympathy. occasionally it just#makes them hard to live with. and I think most obviously is the thing that a lot of what Dean does is an expression of love. of protection.#he’s very much his father’s son in that way. that’s why Sam. the guy he’s been Told to protect his whole life. is also the person he ends up#hurting the most. it’s tragedy. it’s realistic. it’s a good fucking mess.#and that’s why I don’t get interpretations of dean that are determined to shave off the ugly parts of his character. to me those are the#parts that make him a character worth revisiting. he’s so full of love. and he uses it to hurt people. he means to sometimes. a lot of the#time he doesn’t but hurts them anyway. he has been shaped by violence his whole life. and it’s just. I get why someone might take this#part of him away. to make him easier to love. because I get that he’s stressful to watch also like I get that. but he is.#he is compelling. in his anger and his controlling behavior and his strangling love. he is compelling in all the ways he has become this.#Dean’s degradation into these behaviors can be both a failure of a show that ran to long but also the believable trajectory of a man who#can’t heal. and I love him for that. I love him for emerging from pain as a angry sharp thing. I love that it brings the glimpses of him#being gentler and recognizing his actions as bad into stark relief. I love that this recognition often only lasts until he is hurt again and#then he backpedals into the safety of behaviors he knows will allow him to control a situation through force or manipulation.#it’s good fucking mess. you know? dean winchester everybody.#maybe I should have put all that in the main post. oh well. too late now.#spn#dean winchester#tw abuse
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cebwrites · 1 year
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“men don’t cry” (law, drake)
a/n: i was gonna stop at just the first one, but of course i got a hankering for law’s headcanons on this too so here we are- 🙈💖
masc reader, he/they genderfuck law word count: 1k
Law
Although Law never took that sentiment to heart consciously, it’s definitely permeated in the back of their mind in slower, more subtle but overall effective ways (that said he ages his feelings by never expressing them like fine wine)
Law put on a persona to make them seem cruel and heartless, unhinged even, telling himself that this was all to build a reputation that would bring in strong pirates for his cause - taking down Doflamingo 
Of course not accounting for the fact that they’d end up getting attached to these goobers, or at least caring enough to not want to see them hurt at Doffy’s hands, and ultimately leaving them on Zou where, in his mind, they’d be safe from harm 
Law kept it up for months, playing it up for the sake of appearing as a fearsome pirate, even indulging in darker parts of their brain that they’d usually ignore - but the second the lines between personal and persona started to blur, the moment that this whole charade registered a little too close to that accursed bird; they stopped leaning so heavily into it
He’s still very emotionally guarded, though, Law has and always will be - they were never the most sociable as a child even before a hundred metric tons of government issued trauma, and Doflamingo, that demonstrably just made everything to do with their emotional state worse
Getting Law to open up is like pulling teeth, you’d have better luck trying to draw blood from stone - at least the cuts from each slash would tell if you were making progress or not - there are few and far between who actually manage to do it and it’s definitely not easy
Law’s crew, or at least a few notable members, have been painstakingly trying to get their captain to open up for years, by god they know Law needs the emotional support
So if Law were to lean on anyone, it’d have to be someone who’s been at their side for a while - someone who didn’t necessarily start out with romantic intention but now that they’re here is in it for the long haul
Platonic connections are important to, Pen and Shach almost wept in relief when Law started showing the first signs of vulnerability with them about two years after leaving Swallow Island (Bepo’s always been Law’s best friend and squish, though)
To their own surprise, Law finds that their love language is physical - not necessarily sexual, but sensual affection, especially in small to medium doses throughout the week with plenty of space in between for them to recoup is essential - it’s a comfort to know that when words fail him, Law can turn to simply holding his partner while they air out all their grievances in his arms, rubbing a reassuring palm on their back
Law would need a man understanding of their emotional struggle without judgement, someone ideally in the same boat recovering from the same toxic masculinity - maybe even joke that, sure, men suppose don’t cry, but in that case Law can thankfully fall back on the fact that they’re not a man and laugh when their captain shoots them the flattest look imaginable, followed by exasperated but loving kisses, laughing when their respective facial hair tickles each other
Drake
Drake considers his emotional state to be relatively stable and, especially in comparison to the other disaster here, it kind of is - but only by proxy
Drake was raised by a single father who was loving and kind in his early childhood but, due to reasons unclear and untold to him, grew into a day-drinking useless bastard by his teens and turning to piracy to make ends meet - to an extent, that was true; some days their choices would be down to stealing something or starving after Barrels lost his job as a marine
This would obviously trickle down into how Drake grew up, shape the young, bright-eyed marine who swore to take down corrupt people in this world like his shitty father so no one would have to suffer like he did - that’s what he told others, but Drake’s internal monologue wasn’t so naïve after what he’d been though, he wanted to believe it though, oh he so desperately did
Sengoku swung around every now and again to check up on him as a budding marine but it was hardly anything that could be considered parenting; Drake doesn’t blame him, he was the Fleet Admiral at the time and couldn’t afford to put all his focus into raising some kid they picked off an island ravaged by some lunatic pirate, those were a dime a dozen 
He appreciated the effort, though, and still holds the old man in somewhat high regard even if Drake’s been at least somewhat disillusioned with the idyllic Marine Dream™ at this point
Growing up in the navy, Drake was praised for his ‘cool headedness’ and ‘bravery on the battlefield’ or in other words, lack of emotionality - Drake was used to growing up quickly under his father, and with his superiors’ approval on this pattern of hiding vulnerability, he didn’t see a reason to stop any time soon
It’d be hard for him to open up to a partner, entertaining the idea of a partner is already awkward on it’s own (it’s not that Drake doesn’t want companionship, romantic or otherwise, but he knows that it’s a lot of work to build something like that from scratch and he just doesn’t have time for that right now, so he doesn’t go out of his way to look for it)
If Drake did find someone, it’d be a person whose connections completely snuck up on him; a person who he was so comfortable with that Drake wouldn’t even realize the years flying by - maybe it’s a man he shared an infantry with, or just a shopkeeper he ran into often on his daily routes before being sent off to Wano as a double agent
Drake would pine for them unknowingly, yearning for their touch at night without consciously thinking about it; it’d come in the form of an itch in the back of his mind that he just can’t pinpoint to scratch, but when the time comes for him to see them again?
Gosh
The moment that man runs his hands up the small of Drake’s back, whispers sweet words of how much he worried and missed him, lizard man is going to crumble
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ellaspore · 2 years
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When is a mirror not a mirror anymore
From the second half of episode 11 to the beginning of episode 13 Vegas and Pete remain in a self-reflecting bubble of their own doing. They both see, notice, understand and reflect each other’s emotions, it’s a two-way correspondence, a “recognition of the self within the other”(@hael987).
At the beginning of episode 13 the bubble is about to burst, there are different signs from the 1st scene that something changed, shifted, that there are cracks forming
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The cracks
THE HANDCUFFS. Acting as a security blanket for Vegas, as @lutawolf pointed out they also act for him as a proof of commitment, as "wedding rings", as solid proof that Pete wanted to remain, because Vegas also left Pete with means of escaping(the bolt cutters); at the same time, at least for a period of time, they also act as an excuse for Pete to stay, at least until the childhood abuse surfaces and the self doubt creeps through.
THE FIRST CONVERSATION. “I only live in the present” “You think I’m a good guy”, Pete views himself and what he feels as something both ephemeral/transient and not having positive value. This does tie in to how many abuse victims feel and think about their self-worth and the value they have in connection to others. What this conversation also highlights is how while Pete presents a strong facade, and in some ways has found ways of dealing with his abuse, he has not completely moved past it. In a situation where he has shed all his masks and opened himself up to be vulnerable, a situation where unhealthy patterns can resurface, where he gave power over himself and opened himself up to feeling, the undealt trauma is just waiting for the chance to come out.
THE WORD “FOOL”. This word triggers something in Pete’s mind, the first wiggle of self-doubt, self-worth making his way through. Also the first sign of him shuttering Vegas out as he takes the hand Vegas was keeping away
THE ABUSE. Vegas made that food for Pete with care and love, because he recognised something was wrong. And his labour of love is completely destroyed by his father, and it’s at this point that maybe for the first time ever he stands up to his father and all he obtains is getting a slap to the face.
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The effect
Now I think the juxtaposing sequence of the both of them in emotional turmoil are meant to make us understand that they are both caught up in their own head. Vegas destroys everything, like his father just did, the destroyed food as a metaphor that love is not for him; that even when he tries the results go to waste. Pete begins to question everything; the hand on his heart, the difference between what he says rationally(I don’t like it) and what he feels(he loves Vegas); what Vegas feels for him, did he really make a fool of himself? Did he give his heart away and for what? “Why didn’t I say no?” is said while looking at the chains. Because Pete is the type of guy to care about others opinion only if he cares about them and he never cared before whatever Vegas told him because he had all his walls up. (And I would even go so far as to argue that the only person he really showed himself without the mask is Vegas)
This creates the perfect ground for the emotional storm. Because, until now, Vegas and Pete functioned as two mirrors reflecting each other and it worked until now because even if Vegas was blurred(lost in his turmoil), Pete could still see him and, when Vegas’ mirror cleared, a reflection of himself.
But if the two mirrors are blurred at the same time, nobody will be able to provide the recognition and the reflection.
Them both and each other and the reflection they see blurred out of shape, no recognition to be found anywhere
The bubble bursting
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Now before everything went to hell, there is this look they share, that feels to me like a grounding look, a tethering, both of them trying to feel secure and safe, to see the other and themselves back. And the key is they were both trying,they were both trying to reassure the other(the food, the advice). But then there are so many triggering words being thrown around(the main family, choice, pet) and that is what makes the whole thing escalate, because they both tried to pretend to be well, but they were both together too broken in that moment and so bubble shattering and bursting.
The difference from all their previous interactions, the real difference here is Pete. Because all the other times previously he provided solid ground, but this time he is sinking too.
And Vegas, at this time, cannot provide the reflection, the grounding back because he still remains under his father’s thumb.
And as Pete can neither trust or see himself or Vegas, the only solution is for him to go away. Because, as much as Vegas craves control, it is also Pete that craves control but not over others, over himself. And being with Vegas cracked him open, the facade does not work anymore and he still doesn’t have a clear view of what this new version of him means yet.
The resolution
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In the end, however, Vegas did manage to provide the emotional stability that Pete needed. (For a complete breakdown of this scene go read @lutawolf's amazing post)
In that last scene, he forced Pete to confront him, asking “Don’t you want me to disappear?” trying to get Pete to kill him “Shoot me”, telling him “I don’t think you can” and then "and you know why". And the thing is Vegas did not go there with this intention, he just wanted the chance to apologise. But he was clear enough to recognise and reflect Pete and his emotions.
Because Vegas knows Pete and Vegas knows himself, but also Pete knows Vegas and should finally admit to know himself.
And at the end the mirror that cleared before and showed back the reflection again and forced the reflection back it's Vegas and Pete accepts that, Pete accepts the grounding and the reflection of Vegas and himself back.
And the end proves that the reflection, the recognition can always be found again, but this time it's both of them doing the work. A new stable form.
Let me catch you when you slip
I will let you be the mountain if I am the storm
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night-wyld-system · 4 months
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how can i know if im intersex? do you have any tips? my doc says i cannot say i am because of the effects of testosterone. my body changed too much for them to tell. she said "you have a body of a intersex person, but we cannot confirm these characteristics were present before the hormone use" or sum to that effect. im kinda lost.
Hey sorry I didn't get to this sooner!
For me it's been a kinda weird discovery about myself. I had a very weird childhood with my typical development with the added context of the trauma of childhood. Some basic stuff that lead to suspicions...
I was almost put on hormones as a kid because certain things were being delayed and I was having atypical development
I'm afab and my periods were always just weird in ways I don't want to get into but are not common for most perisex or able bodied people
I have reason to suspect I may be infertile
I always had to shave my face even pre-T because I would grow facial hair. It isn't to the same extent I do now but it was more than others around me who were perisex
The way my puberty worked in general was very odd and did not fall into many typical things
In general just more body hair than perisex girls
Both as a child and a pre-teen before socially transitioning I was seen as masculine not only through social reasons but physically and bodily and it was pointed out a lot and I got picked on for it
One of the big things that really just made me decide to bite the bullet and straight up say we were intersex was when we finally got some more blood work and labs done and our current doctor urgently required we lower our dose of HRT by 21% because our levels of testosterone were so high we had an overproduction of both T and E as well as a massive risk for liver issues. We have spoken to many other AFAB people who are on T (primarily transmascs) and found out that among the perisex ones our dosage is bordering on a microdose. It's not all the way there but it's close. To our understanding even with the higher dosage it should have been impossible for us to have T levels that high if we were perisex which was part of why the doctor was so deeply shocked and concerned because it wasn't a high level to be taking but the blood tests were showing a threat to our health.
For a bit more context our original doctor when we started HRT at 17 never ran tests to see what our T level was before the first shot. I have absolutely no idea why that would be done considering that obviously seems to likely be the source of the problem for me but apparently somehow we just had the doctors slip up with us and if I hadn't gotten that new doctor I could be in a lot worse shape.
(Said new doctor is also great because he ran extensive tests when I first came in and I'm looking into endocrinologists for help with hypothyroidism and plausible hashimotos. My cholesterol is also around 200 and has been causing my vision to spot so finally having an answer for years of high cholesterol no matter what I ate and vision spotting is a relief especially knowing I can possibly get medication to help with that)
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chloroformcurry · 1 month
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A more detailed overview of coagula, a predominating species in Carbon Copy.
COAGULA (SPECIES)
- Possess the ability to transform their blood into a weapon symbolizing their trauma, regardless of direct involvement or presence of a weapon.
- They are an allotrope of humans, needing substantial traumatic events (metaphorically "striking" them) to trigger their transformation, similar to igniting a match where all matches are compatible with ignition. However, Coagula cannot transform back into uncoagulated humans because the chemical alterations causing their transformation are permanent. Nonetheless, coagula are still essentially human and have the choice to use their abilities responsibly, integrating into society like any other person. (Some exceptionally powerful coagula like Cap possess regenerative capabilities that make them virtually invincible, primarily due to their high “intact moral compass-to-potential for moral corruption” ratio. Their regenerative prowess only weakens if they turn to evil, a path Cap vehemently rejects. Thus, he seeks the Anti-Coagula, an entity capable of erasing genetic material at its core, to facilitate his own demise.)
- The emergence of coagula was facilitated by Guita; the coagula gene is an integral part of human genetic makeup and cannot be altered. There are beliefs among some that Guita created coagula to incite humans into inflicting more suffering; however, the actual intention was to foster altruism, self-sufficiency, and aid in ending their forced feeding by starving them of suffering.
PSYCHOLOGICAL ASPECTS:
- Coagula experience social marginalization akin to the stigma faced by individuals with mental illness, often viewed as threats to society. This discrimination is deeply rooted in racism, compounded by experiences of racial trauma, economic disparities, and societal taboos against seeking help. As a whole, many coagula shy away from seeking help because discussing their trauma may make people suspect that they are a coagula.
- Coagula must confront and process their trauma to trigger transformation; those who remain indifferent to their trauma are unable to undergo coagulation. (Chanel's unique status as an uncoagulated human is not influenced by the numerous genetic mutations present in her body. When Sibyl used Chanel’s severed tongue to examine her genome, it became evident that the coagula gene remained fully intact. Chanel's uncoagulated state is attributed to her distorted perception of reality, shaped by her upbringing in harrowing circumstances, which is extremely rare.)
- The extent of their regenerative abilities is influenced by altruistic behavior rather than the magnitude of suffering; abusive coagula, despite physical prowess, are notably weak. An abusive coagula might assert that they are unaffected by their trauma due to their heartless actions, but this stance presents a paradox. Coagulation inherently requires experiencing significant trauma, and the choice to perpetuate rather than break the cycle of suffering signifies a lack of mental resilience and strength. As a result, their regenerative abilities are limited.
- Physical characteristics prior to coagulation are typically retained, including childhood scars, unless their powers are used for positive purposes, which can lead to healing. (While being a pcoagula can have both positive and negative aspects, powerful coagula typically exhibit few visible scars. In Cap's case, this lack of physical evidence is detrimental because he avoids discussing his trauma, making it difficult to discern the depth of his suffering. His body, devoid of scars, fails to reveal the layers of his past like a palimpsest would. However, if Cap were unable to regenerate but also unable to die, his body would resemble that of a charred corpse due to the cumulative effects of his experiences.)
PHYSIOLOGICAL ASPECTS:
- The iron content in their blood solidifies externally to mold their weapons; precautions must be taken to avoid anemia, which is a concern for both coagula and humans in general.
- Coagula have the ability to blend their blood with that of others to create larger weapons while decreasing the risk of hypovolemic shock, but compatibility in terms of blood type is essential.
- The physical regenerative abilities of coagula primarily rely on blood, which the body depends on for various functions. If a coagula loses blood and cannot properly filter it through their body when retracting their weapon, they could face potential risks such as severe immune responses due to contaminated or incompatible blood, or experience significantly delayed regeneration, which could potentially lead to death.
- In some cases, variations and underlying conditions can confer advantages or disadvantages to coagula.
- The term "coagula" originates from "coagulate," which describes the process of blood clotting or solidifying. They are named "coagula" because they can convert their blood into weapons, utilizing iron and other organic materials within to shape and stabilize these weapons, similar to how blood coagulates.
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enjomo-arch · 5 months
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𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄  to  my  ace  rambling  hub.  this  post  will  contain  posts  and  links  towards  metas  and  headcanons  that  i  find  helpful  for  my  mutuals  to  read  up  whenever  they  search  for  actual  reference  and  knowledge  over  how  i  portray  ace  on  my  blog.  each  will  be  divided  in  sections  and  have  a  brief  one  sentence  description  what  the  headcanon  is  about.  the  content  is  triggering  and  i  will  put  a  content  warning  so  you  can  not  read  it  if  you  find  it  causing  discomfort.  UPDATE : 12.12.2023
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no time to go through this stuff ? it's alright because i have a small post cointaining MOST IMPORTANT things to remember about my portrayal !
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𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐏𝐒𝐘 one  of  ace’s  conditions  he  suffers  from.  narcolepsy  is  a  sleeping  disorder  that  makes  him  find  it  hard  to  stay  awake  for  long  periods  of  time  which  causes  him  to  fall  asleep  suddenly  and  randomly.  
𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐗𝐘 a  condition  that  goes  along  his  narcolepsy.  cataplexy  is  basically  is  a  sudden  muscle  weakness  that  occurs  while  a  person  is  awake.  eg.  ace  throwing  his  head  back  suddenly  while  laughing.
𝐑𝐒𝐈 / 𝐄𝐋𝐁𝐎𝐖 𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐄 two  posts  about  the  elbow  brace  that  ace  wears  on  his  left  arm.  he's  been  suffering  chronic  pain  since  childhood  and  the  elbow  brace  reduces  his  chances  of  inflammation.
𝐃𝐘𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐗𝐈𝐀   a  post  talking  and  explaining  ace’s  untreated  dyslexia  due  to  poor  education  during  his  childhood.
𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐔𝐌𝐀 + 𝐀𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍 ace’s  trauma  related  to  the  fire  happening  in  grey  terminal  as  well  as  his  tendency  for  arson  and  pyromania.
( 𝐓𝐖 ) 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 - 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌 & 𝐃𝐄𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍   a  post  explaining  ace’s  scars  and  how  he  feels  about  them  as  well  as  his  tendency  to  harm  himself  when  he  was  a  child  to  achieve  a  temporary  anger  and  stress  relief
( 𝐓𝐖 ) 𝐒*𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐃𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒   a  small  post  explaining  ace’s  borderline  thoughts  about  falling  into  the  sea  on  purpose  which  considering  his  devil  fruit  will  likely  end  his  life.
( 𝐓𝐖 ) 𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐃𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐏𝐒𝐘𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐈𝐒 & 𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐒 explanation of ace's depression becoming sleep paralysis, early stages of developing narcolepsy and psychosis.
𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 how ace actually expresses interest in someone by showing random acts of gentleness
𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 explanation about ace's tendency to be overly possessive.
𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐒 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 various describtion of ace's possible reactions to being met with words like you matter / i love you.
𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂 𝐁𝐄𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐑 post about ace's animal traits and features he adapted since being a child in dawn island's jungle.
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𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐑 𝐌𝐀𝐏   a  drawing  of  mine  showing  the  mapping  of  ace’s  scars  across  his  body  as  well  as  his  body  hair.  (  slightly  ns/fw  warning  )
𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐑 𝐓𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 post  explaining  ace’s  hair  texture  and  how  they  feel  when  touched.
𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐑 misc  post  about  ace’s  beard  and  facial  hair  growing  process.
𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊 𝐎𝐔𝐓 ace’s  working  out  routine  and  what  does  it  leave  as  effects  on  his  body
𝐆𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐕𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐒 about  his  veins  glowing  after  mera  mera  usage
𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄 a  post  not  only  about  singing  voice  but  my  voice  reference  for  ace  and  how  his  voice  is  described.
𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐘 𝐁𝐔𝐈𝐋𝐃 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐒 a post + video reference in the link about ace's body shape and strength.
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𝐀𝐖𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐀 my  own  canon  related  to  ace’s  fruit  awakening  post  timeskip
𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐍 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐎 explanation  how  does  demon  inferno  manifest  in  my  canon  related  to  the  novel  a
𝐓𝐄𝐌𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 post  explaining  ace’s  indifference  to  temperature  due  to  eating  the  flame  flame  fruit  and  it  being  one  of  the  fruit’s  side  effects.
𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐘 explanation of how ace's flaming body looks and works visually when turning into flames.
𝐌𝐎𝐃𝐄 : 𝐅𝐔𝐃𝐎 𝐌𝐘𝐎𝐎 similar  to  luffy’s  gear  5  fudo  myoo  is  an  absolute  awakening  of  ace’s  fruit  that  turns  him  into  a  god  of  flames.
𝐀𝐂𝐄 & 𝐒𝐄𝐀'𝐒 𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐍𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂 𝐖𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐒 a  post  explaining  the  way  ace's  fire  body  is  able  to  read  sea's  magnetic  waves  without  using  a  triple  log  pose  while  in  new  world.
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𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐒 𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐊𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄 a  post  explaining  the  memory  ace  holds  over  his  red  beads.
𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐀𝐒 𝐀 𝐓𝐄𝐗𝐀𝐍 a  post  explaining  ace’s  tradition  and  things  related  to  being  a  texan.
𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐒𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐘𝐒 a  post  to  explain  more  or  so  the  meaning  behind  the  two  smileys  that  ace  wears  on  top  of  his  hat’s  brim.
𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐁𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 a  bunch  of  headcanons  related  to  ace’s  addiction  to  gambling  and  playing  cards.
𝐇𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐊𝐍𝐈𝐅𝐄 theory  crafting  on  my  part  about  ace’s  hunting  knife  and  where  did  he  get  it,  where  did  it  come  from.
𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐑𝐀𝐅𝐓 ace’s  hobby  about  handicraft  and  bone  jewelry  making.
𝐇𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 a  post  about  ace’s  love  to  hunt  since  it  grew  on  him  a  lot  during  his  childhood. ( tw for blood )
𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 a  post  explaining  ace’s  damn  awful  handwriting.
𝐇𝐎𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 ace being a hoarder type of a person because he's connecting memories to items.
𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇 𝐈𝐒𝐋𝐀𝐍���� a post about my own creation of ace's and rouge's birth island + concept art
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𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 : 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐆𝐀𝐑 𝐋𝐀𝐖 post  related  to  ace’s  connection  to  kiriage’s  trafalgar  law
𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓: 𝐑𝐎𝐆𝐄𝐑 a  post  explaining  ace’s  feelings  towards  his  biological  father.
𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓: 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐑 a post about ace's emotional connection with his boat.
𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓: 𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐄 important part of my canon about rouge being alive and taking care of ace for 5 years. additional posts containing flashbacks one / two.
𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 : 𝐙𝐄𝐃 & 𝐉𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐀 ( 𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇 𝐈𝐒𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 ) npcs important to my personal canon for ace and his and rouge's connection to them.
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