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hakasims · 2 years

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The Ultimate And Entirely Correct Ranking Of Every Single Luca Marinelli Movie Love Interest

This post is exactly what it says in the title: I take every single movie Luca has ever been in, extract every single love interest of his and rank them all from worst to best both as characters and as love interests to those specific Lucas. The ranking is 100% biased. Of course, I’ll do my best to rationalize the placement of this or that character, but sometimes I just hate a bitch and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

Also: Feel free to call me out on my blatant misogyny, since it’s pretty obvious that I actually genuinely hate women instead of bad writing, incompetent directing, underwhelming acting or just plain offensive character work.

Ok, let’s go. Obviously, spoiler alert for Luca’s entire filmography.

22. Antonia (Tutti i santi giorni)

This. This is a bitch I hate. She may or may not be the sole reason I’ve even decided to make this list. I hate her so much it made me hate her actress as a person, even though I have no idea what she’s like. The fact that this movie feels like her vanity project with this character as her self-insert doesn’t help, of course.

Why is Antonia the worst? Because she is aimless, entitled, bratty, whiny, envious, controlling, abusive, self-centered, self-pitying - and she never changes. She has no character arc to speak of, she never apologizes or redeems herself for all the shit she pulls (i.e. kidnapping a pregnant woman’s child and cheating on her boyfriend for the sole purpose of hurting him, even though she was already planning on leaving him anyway) and she gets a happy ending she doesn’t deserve. People might say she is traumatized by her past domestic abuse and miscarriage, but this is bullshit because: A) her ex-boyfriend beating her in the past is never treated seriously by the narrative, nor is the abuser himself portrayed as a monster (he’s more of a goofy dumbass, classy); B) usually when a character does something cruel because of their trauma, it happens in the first half of the movie, giving them a chance to work through their shit and move on a better person, whereas Antonia does it fifteen minutes before the end of the movie, and there is zero work involved. She doesn’t even get Guido’s forgiveness because he’s never mad at her in the first place. She hurts him and he begs her to come back. The movie literally tells us she doesn’t have to become a better person, nor does she need to overcome her trauma. She just needs to get married, i.e. something she specifically didn’t want to do at the start. I guess that’s what constitutes for an arc around here. Fuck Antonia and fuck the people who defend her.

Ok, now that I’ve lost half of you, let’s continue with less controversial takes.

21. Claudia (Lasciati andare)

This one is easy. Ettore robs a jewelry store and goes to prison for that, with the jewelry still hidden. Claudia steals the booty from him, fucking KEEPS IT and lets him go back to prison for that! What a bitch! Not to mention she’s insanely annoying. The only character worse than her in that movie is the curmudgeonly main character. This film is unberable, you guys.

20. Antonella (Slam - Tutto per una ragazza)

She isn’t so much Valerio’s love interest as she is his ex, but this is my arbitrary list, and I find this bitch annoying enough to want to mention her. She’s a Cool Mom and she’s dumb as a rock. I hate everything she says, does and stands for. Literally zero redeeming qualities.

19. Elena Orsini (Martin Eden)

I find her so annoying I actually made a Martin Eden/Legally Blonde gifset with her as Warner. She is snobbish because she’s rich and educated but she has no idea how useless and pointless she is as a person. She is literally a tiny piece of nothing. Fuck her smug little face and fuck Martin for being dumb enough to build his entire life around wanting to please her.

18. Nina (Nina)

She is sinfully bland and boring and her wardrobe is that of a child.

17. Edward Pilaster (Die Pfeiler der Macht)

Mickey Miranda is a world class slut and he wasn’t happy at all with having to fuck this guy, which is saying a lot. Edward is needy, pathetic, talentless, worthless, and he has the audacity to be entitled because he’s rich. He didn’t deserve to be manipulated and used the way he was, but he’s no sugar plum, ok?

16. Augusta Pilaster (Die Pfeiler der Macht)

The mother of the aforementioned, she’s quite bad, though in completely different ways than her son. She’s cruel and scheming, and people have died because of her, but I give her points for girlbossiness her son doesn’t possess.

15. Alice Della Rocca (La solitudine dei numeri primi)

She didn’t really do anything wrong. She just annoyed the shit out of me.

14. Vittorio (Non essere cattivo)

Let’s not argue whether he counts as a love interest. He does, moving on. I just want to make things perfectly clear: I don’t hate Vittorio because he stopped using and left his best friend behind. Drug addiction is complicated, and helping addicts who don’t want to be helped is basically impossible. No, the reason I hate Vittorio is his treatment of the women in his life. He is a total dick to Viviana, having no issues insulting and humiliating her in front of other people. At the same time, he becomes a limp, spineless slug as soon as Linda waves her sandy vag in front of his dumb face, and then he basically spends the rest of the movie being her little bitch. Fuck Vittorio, for real. (Fuck Linda too, btw, if she qualified for this list she’d be right there with Antonia.)

13. Mia (Il padre d’Italia)

Part of me agrees that nobody asked Paolo to play a white night to some random pregnant lady he doesn’t know, but the fact that Mia is so dismissive and ungrateful is annoying. Not to mention it’s kinda uncool to drink, smoke and take drugs while you’re pregnant. Mia is trashy, but she isn’t as bad or as annoying as the people before her.

12. Fulvia (Una questione privata)

That “got nothing in my brain” Taylor Swift meme is about her. Also she called Milton ugly.

11. Florence Stalworthy-Pilaster (Die Pfeiler der Macht)

She is Edward’s young wife and a sweet, naive girl who became a pawn in Augusta and Mickey’s scheme. She didn’t do anything wrong and she didn’t deserve any of this shit.

10. Eva Kant (Diabolik)

Seeing how much I hated this movie, I’m very surprised Eva is so high on the list. I attribute this to her basically carrying this whole so-called plot on her shoulders and actually doing stuff.

9. Enrica “Puny” Rignon (Fabrizio de André - Principe libero)

She’s positioned as the worse of Fabrizio’s two wives but really, what did she do wrong? Knew her worth and hated being cheated on? Honestly, Puny is perfect. It’s not her fault she wasn’t her slutty husband’s One True Love.

8. Lei (Ricordi?)

She’s sweet and cute and perfect and she’s played by Linda Caridi. What more do you need?

7. Mario (Il padre d’Italia)

Who else is enough of a saint to continue being a shoulder to cry on for their ex? The same person who is ready to sacrifice a lot of time and money to travel across the country to fetch that same ex and bring him back home after he got his heart broken, that’s who.

6. Margherita (Martin Eden)

Take Mario’s saintliness and apply it to a love interest of a character who is way more of a pill than Paolo. Margherita deserves to have streets and bridges named after her.

5. Viviana (Non essere cattivo)

There’s literally nothing wrong with Viviana. She’s wonderful: loving, supportive, caring, and resourceful. She deserved the world.

4. Maria (Maria di Nazaret)

She’s THE Mary, Mother of Jesus, but her biggest achievement is not murdering her useless piece of shit husband. She deserved Oscar Isaac but instead she got one of the worst-written Luca characters in history.

3. Dori Ghezzi (Fabrizio de André - Principe libero)

As the actual One True Love of the main character, she gets to be quite high on the list, not to mention her patience, loyalty, bravery and literally her perfection.

2. Joe aka Yusuf Al-Kaysani (The Old Guard)

Whaat?! Joe isn’t number one?! But he’s literally perfect! Yes, I know. I told you I was biased.

1. Leonardo (Trust)

It’s not a movie, and Leonardo isn’t Primo’s real, canonical love interest? I don’t give a shit. He’s smart, resourceful, level-headed, loyal, and Primo totally wants to bang him. This is my list, and Leo is number one.

Do you disagree with my ranking? Please make your own list and send me the link or share your opinion in the notes. Don’t forget to like and subscribe!

#luca marinelli #and his movies #and his love interests

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backslashdelta · 1 year

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Hi tumblr user backslash delta. What fob song would you assign to each of your fav glee ships

Hi tumblr user twinskeletxns. What an excellent question!

Relatedly, you might be interested in the time I assigned each album to a Glee character, or I picked a FOB album and assigned every Glee character to one of its songs, or my thoughts on Puck as a FOB fan.

I feel like I should do this without using the songs I've already giffed lol, that feels like cheating. But since it's on topic, I do definitely see Kurtbastian as Fourth of July and Klaine as Disloyal Order.

But let's suppose I can't use those, just for funsies. I'm gonna do 4 ships but if you have questions about a specific ship not included lmk! I also didn't have any of these in mind ahead of time, so I figured this all out just now flipping through FOB's discography. I reserve the right to change my opinions at any time lmao

Kurtbastian: Of All The Gin Joints In All The World

This is from Sebastian's perspective. And I'm obsessed. Sebastian talking about how Kurt doesn't know the real him, and if he did then he wouldn't want him. They ARE making out (maybe not inside crashed cars, but whatever)!! He never really cared about another person, he just wanted to live his life, but now there's KURT and that's all he dreams about now. Sebastian is definitely bad at talking about his feelings but he can definitely show Kurt how he feels about him ayyyy. He will NEVER be the same, not after Kurt. And Kurt is kind of untouchable - not in a literal sense obviously, but he's so strong, all of the things about Sebastian and his life that he thinks might deter Kurt, though don't, they can't touch him.

Actually, on further thought, I think FUTCT might be a Kurtbastian album... going to resist the urge to make a gifset series because I don't have time but it may happen eventually

Kelliott: The Last Of The Real Ones

You know I feel like this is very much a "everyone is fake but you're not, you're real, I was kind of alone in this big world and then I found you, other people might see you and think they need you but they don't really get you, not like me" vibe and that feels very them? Like they're both really unique and special and they see through people's bullshit. They are real ones. Even the "you were too good to be true, gold plated" I feel like is Kurt seeing Elliott for the first time and being like "ugh no this guy cannot be for real" but like he IS. And then Kurt SEES that finally and is like oh shit what was I thinking.

Klaine: Miss Missing You

This is very specifically season 6 breakup Klaine. "Sometimes before it gets better the darkness gets bigger, the person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger" HELLO????? Kurt breaks Blaine's heart and Blaine is CRUSHED and they go through HELL but they had to go through those dark times to come back together and be better!!! Literally it's just them. It's them!!!

Klaine (but happy this time): Heaven's Gate

Literally this song is just talking about how much they love each other and they would give everything to each other and they will keep coming back to each other always, anything other than being together would just feel like a substitute, like a placeholder for each others' love. Anyway. Yeah.

Pizes: Favorite Record

This is very Puck just wanting Lauren, you know? "You were the song stuck in my head, every song that I've ever loved, play it again and again and again and again" which I feel like is very him just going after her and her being the only one for him even when she was making it difficult for him, you know? "And I spin for you like your favorite records used to" honestly she kinda has him whipped lmao but like not in a bad way! He'd just do anything for her. "And when you ask me, 'How I'm doing?' Like you know how much better off I am," like she knows he is a better version of himself with her, you know? And he knows. They both know. He can't remember how to forget how he feels when he's with her.

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it-begins-with-rain · 1 year

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if you dont mind me asking, when did you get into seventeen? i've been following you for years now (back when i was still into tog/acotar), got into svt just over a year ago, and now find it a cute coincidence that you listen to them too!

Ooo! Maasdom follower who is also SVT fan!!

So... I want to explain something first to explain something second, lmao.

FIRST::

I've had an ear to kpop since about 2008, part of a fandom I will not name but your hint is they are famous for how overwhelmingly toxic they are.

Fell in love with the Korean language and dramas, actually lived in Korea in college and Seoul is the most beautiful city on the planet (I lived in Wonju which isn't bad, but isn't as amazing as Seoul).

And then the group that I had been following entered their... how to say... image-destruction-phase. It was like they were addicted to saying shit that exposed how rude and arrogant they were IRL, one guy just let his homophobia hang out there for the whole world to see and waved it around proudly.

Amidst all of that (the homophobic one actually came out as homophobic a week after this, so it hadn't happend yet but it was the nail in the coffin) I had somehow become a fandom leader against my will, known for being able to play CSI: Fandom (because of an emotionally unstable former friend I had to keep talking off ledges by getting to the root of scandal rumors). It was exhausting and people were fucking stupid. My stance on idols is they’re grown ass adults (mostly). Who the fuck gives a shit if they’re dating someone or whatever? Honestly I was so sick of the bullshit.

Anyways

A former member of the group released a solo album and it just... wasn't my taste at all. I didn't say anything against it by any means, but someone sent me an ask saying they'd noticed I wasn't reblogging.

I said ONLY "It's just not my genre, but I wish him luck" and within 15 minutes I had 12 messages either threatening my life or telling me to kill myself. Because of those words.

That was when I was like "You know what, fuck all of this" and bailed. That was around 2012-ish. I refused to go anywhere near kpop with a 10 foot stick after that. If I saw news, it was because it hit CNN or BBC (so the tragic deaths and the Burning Sun Scandal which was just INSANE, like, omg). But that was it. And btw I still dont' listen to that group I used to listen to. I fully will not touch their stuff.

SECOND:

So that was a big ass mountain blocking me from being willing to even consider kpop. But a dear friend of mine was very much into it and just like once in a blue moon I'd notice a post on my dash that was kpop from her, but I ignored it.

In mid-2020, a fuck ton of bad shit went down even on top of all the COVID stuff. Like, at one point I genuinely considered driving into a wall (except I was buried alive under responsibilities) and it just got incredibly hard and incredibly dark. My personality- I can't ask for help. I just can't. IDK why, it's a huge block for me.

So that friend, my darling Sarah, who reblogged kpop stuff I rarely saw, a GIFset came across my dash that I was just so exhausted and defeated I didn't even have the energy to scroll past and decided to read it. It was Seventeen in that group blitz episode of Going Seventeen where they hit the inflatable obstacle course.

And it made my heart feel not quite as heavy for a few seconds. Maybe I even cracked half a smile.

I kept dragging myself on, and I saw the GIFset again and in another defeated day, I looked it up on Youtube (had to play it at 70% speed, those psychos talk FAST) and watched it.

And... it made me genuinely smile.

So I watched all of Going Seventeen over the next several months. Then about 6 months in I decided to listen to one of their songs (Hoshi- Spider) and loved it. Started listening to more of their music, found out Carat are actually extremely chill and extremely dorky, the opposite of the fan club I'd been part of before.

So I joined Carat formally (i'd never done that with the Fandom That Must Not Be Named, Carat is my first fanclub :) ) and I just... enjoy them.

They got me through some really incredibly dark times, just being able to watch something lighthearted and simple and funny. Like, I know it’s cliche to say, I know they'll never know that, they probably wouldn't give a shit, they probably hear it 150,000 times a day. It doesn't matter. The dumbassery helped me a lot, and I'm grateful for that.

And this year I got to go see them live in concert with my darling Sarah, the same week I got the news that my mother's cancer (which we were told was terminal) was in full remission and she's one of only a few cases her doctors have ever SEEN to go into remission, and just...

That was way more info than you were asking for, but that's it. Their dorky, probably-licks-bus-windows charm was just simple and yet funny enough that it helped me breathe when that felt impossible, and so I like them :)

#ask #seventeen

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sylvies-casey · 2 years

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i have mixed feelings about the fact that they left brettsey open-ended and just them in general after the finale that i finally can somewhat put into words so pls enjoy reading my anger <3

after watching the scene over and over again, i came to conclusion that they didn’t break up but just didn’t know where they stand (well that’s how i’m understanding it). no doubt these two love each other but honestly i get it, long distance is so fucking hard. you’re not seeing the person you love everyday. i think it was heartbreaking hearing matt say he wishes sylvie could stay in portland forever, with him (i cried lmao). he genuinely wants sylvie to be there with him and idk i feel like deep deep down sylvie wants that but like she said, her family is 51, her life and work is in chicago (i will get to this below because im so annoyed at the writers lol). you’re 2000 miles away from the person you love. you’ve been pining over each other for three years and suddenly one of them has to leave. but i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again, i still truly believe that if anyone can do long distance, it’s matt and sylvie and i’ll forever keep saying it. aside from that, my issue is with the writers and the writers ONLY. matt literally said in s7 he’s a chicago guy and basically he’s forever going to be a chicago guy. did they forget that? i’m sorry but i did not like the fact that he’s basically saying he found a life in portland and he’s happy yada yada yada. it was completely ooc for me and i just don’t have any words. his family is literally 2000 miles away...there is no one in portland, aside from the boys, that he considers family (like yeah he could have friends or wtv). also, i did not like the way matt reacted when hermann asked when is he coming back (and pls don’t come at me saying it’s probably nothing of whatever, this is how i’m seeing it 💀). i get it, matt is there for three years, he needs to actually settle down temporarily or whatever but idk the way they made it seem like he’s perfect in portland makes no sense to me. it’s as if the writers completely forgot he said he’s a chicago guy (which they didn’t because derek literally mentioned it in the muam interview lol, it’s just…bad writing.) also i still don’t understand what that look between the two of them when matt was hugging violet was. made no fucking sense whatsoever, like his smile literally dropped. i’m convinced that either there are scenes missing in between or it’s just weird ass writing once again. what was the point in matt saying i dont know?? like okay, i get it you cant tell but he didnt even bother reassuring her like he did in 10x05 (someone else mentioned this in my gifset as well). did the writers completely just forget everything that was said between them in the 200th episode? it's like we're back to 9x02 when matt said i dont know, like don't piss me off. when sylvie said its not her life blah blah, i almost think i threw my laptop out the window...everything that happened in s9, everything they've said to each other made it seem like they were it for each other, basically they cant be without each other etc etc, like miss me with that bullshit. haas and co. seriously forgot every single shit that happened between these two characters and are throwing unnecessary angst at them. like okay i get her family and work is in chicago no doubt, but when she said her life..i found it ooc and ill forever hate the writers for it for the rest of my life. this 55 second scene (i waited seven months for them to have a fifty fucking five seconds conversation lmfao) will annoy me for the rest of my life because of how stupid and angst hungry these writers are. i do not know what haas has planned for brettsey. i don't know whether or not they just left brettsey opened ended because they were gonna use hiatus to figure out whats going to happen. i dont know if theyre just gonna have them break up off camera and have sylvie mention that they did. i did not know there was a text limit so i will end it here but i am the number one derek haas anti <3 thank u for coming to my ted talk

#brettsey #half of the shit prob doesnt make sense but lol

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calliopecalling · 2 years

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QOTS Rewatch - 3x11 - Diez de Copas

This episide is NOTHING BUT PAIN. It's one of the most painful episodes of the entire series to me. I did not enjoy rewatching it 😂 Even though I know it all turns out okay it's like--this episode is where it really starts to tank for Teresa. I mean I guess 3x10 really was where it started to tank and this is the one where the tanking accelerates and really shows how bad it's going to be. I don't like it. I don't like watching her suffer, or James suffer; I don't like seeing her past coming back to haunt her in a way that it is so damaging to herself and her happiness. It's just so painful and not the pain of 2x11 or 2x12 either, where it's so hard watching her walk away from James and then watching James walk away from her but you can still admire her strength. In this episode though, it's almost like her strength is exactly what gets in her own way and it's not something to admire, but more to pity, or even (if you're a less generous person towards her than I am, lol) to resent. Like maybe if she were a little softer, she wouldn't have isolated herself away from James so devastatingly. But... that's not who she is. Not at this point in her trajectory.

Soooo because it's so painful, I'm genuinely going to try to keep this shorter than usual. I've said most of what I want to say about it in gifset tags already and I'll just rehash a few of them here in one place. I don't even want to go through my usual bullet list of basic series of events in the episode because IT HURTS OKAY.

So here's the first thing I want to say about the terrible pain.

I BLAME KELLY ANNE AND POTE.

Seriously. Kelly Anne may be a pitiable creature and surely she's not "strong" in the way Teresa is strong but for her to sit there, James having outed her as the mole, and try to insist to Teresa that her feelings for James were blinding her? Fuuuuuuuck no ma'am. She was definitely put in a terrible position by Devon so I could've forgiven her for falling for his bullshit, even though it almost got Teresa killed. But I can't forgive her for sitting there trying to blame James, and Teresa's feelings for James. (If she hadn't lied so egregiously to Teresa there, I think Teresa might've actually spared her, too.) It's just a whole other layer of appalling. As Teresa says to her: "I trusted you. I don't trust anyone." 😭 First horrible thing about this episode then: it makes Teresa--the one who has already admitted to not being able to trust people--even less likely to trust anyone.

And Pote. FUCKING POTE. Pote is just not smart. He is muscle. He does not deserve to be involved in any strategizing or for Teresa to seek his counsel in any serious matters. I feel like it should've been fairly easy for him (but it obviously wasn't) to use his rational brain, the one that Teresa doesn't have access to because she's in trauma response mode, to be like hmm, let's see, there are numerous people around who might have access to Teresa. Yes, James is one. So is Kelly Anne. So is Charger. So is Lil T. Taza. Etc. Not that I want to go around pointing fingers at innocents, but Pote needed to use his rational brain to be like, hmmm, James is Mr. Loyalty himself, so does it really make sense for him to be the mole? Or at least, does it make any more sense for it to be him than any of the others?

I mean: the surface answer here is yes, it does make more sense for it to be James. I think their assumption is that the mole would have to be someone in the inner circle and would have to be someone really smart and really skilled at deception. Obviously James meets two of those three qualities, and if he were the mole, he would've clearly been really skilled at deception, too. But as I said in my tags on this gifset, rationally, it just doesn't add up for James to be the mole. James has consistently displayed that loyalty is his number one value. Above all else, he has integrity with respect to his sense of duty and honor to the person he serves. This is why (as I interpret what the source material has to say about the original tracker issue) he ultimately used the tracker on Teresa in season 2--because he worked for Camila, and Camila ordered him to track Teresa down. As soon as he did, he resigned, because he couldn't any longer reconcile working for a woman whose enemy was the woman he'd accidentally fallen in love with. And then he showed up to work with Teresa and everything he's ever said on the matter just reinforces how important loyalty is to him. (It also makes me remember his comment to Guero in 2x06, "you have no idea what loyalty is.")

So for Teresa and Pote to suspect him of being the mole, they are going wildly out of character in their interpretation of James, lol. For Teresa, it's an emotional hot button issue. She sees the tracker in Bolivia and all her alarm bells go off. I can't blame her for that. But I think she did start to back off it, I think she did realize she was wrong (like in the car scene with Pote, waiting for James to show up to their trap) and yet Pote dug in his heels. Pote who had allll the same information Teresa did and yet who couldn't possibly fathom anyone other than James would be capable of betraying Teresa. Pote who sneered at Teresa for sleeping with James as he blames her for being blind to what she was letting into her bed. Fuck off, Pote. And the worst part is he never apologizes. Not to Teresa, not to James. Not even slightly. Not even a sign of remorse to Teresa! For digging in his heels and insisting it must have been James and thereby throwing a major wrench in Jeresa's personal relationship.

To Teresa's credit, though, she at least apologizes, to James. I'll talk more in the 3x12 meta and gifset reblog tags about her feelings and why she can't just open all the way up to James at this point, but I feel like at the end of 3x11 she feels so heavy with what she's put him through that she honestly just believes him that he wants space. I can't imagine really that James wouldn't have forgiven her pretty fast--after all, he knows what her trauma is (at least a lot of it, if not all of it) and he knows she has trust issues, partly due to all the trauma and partly due to her relationship history (*cough Guero cough*). He must understand that getting almost killed because of a mole would be enough to severely unnerve anyone and force them to look at the people they actually do trust the most and see them differently. And he loves her so much I don't think he could possibly hold a grudge (in fact I suspect he already knows he's going to have to go with Devon at this point). But yeah... for the moment, at least, he needs space. He's hurt, and understandably so. And she is not only feeling remorse for having doubted him, but is obviously also grieving Kelly Anne (and assuming he just killed her on top of everything else). So there'll be more angst and pain next episode with all of her trying in various ways to get him to stay while still holding back a little.

Just gonna end this with a gif of that kiss, because that kiss is such a sweet, gentle, achingly tender moment if you strip away all the context. Please get back to this ASAP guys. Even though I know you won't 😭😭😭

Ok I thought I was done but I just want to say one more thing. James told her on the balcony at the end of the episode that she should've come to him first. I actually disagree with him here. I don't really understand how she was supposed to "talk to James first" if he was a candidate for being the mole… because if he WAS the mole, it would've made everything since his return to Malta a lie, and thus talking to him first would've been stupid. She was in no way trying to be duplicitous with him. She felt genuinely afraid. But at the same time there was the part of her that knew it couldn't be him, and this part of her also didn't want him to know that she suspected him, because she knew how badly it would hurt him. She was just all twisted up in knots. And their relationship is so new--and she told him she couldn't trust people--I mean how much clearer could she be? Did he deserve her trust? ABSOLUTELY. But is it understandable that she thought, yikes if he's the mole, we need to be super careful? Yes. I mean, James is a dangerous, dangerous person.

What do I think Teresa should have done? Honestly... I don't really know. I really don't. I have been thinking about it all week and I still don't. If he were the mole, then telling him she knew there was a mole and suspected him--the communication he was asking for--could have been extremely dangerous. The whole thing about a mole is that it destabilizes any kind of trust because a mole is by its sheer existence unpredictable, dangerous, untrustworthy. And James would've understood that. So I guess what he's upset about is that there was even any question at all in her mind that it might've been him. Yeah, that's super painful for a man who is deeply in love with her and has been showing her that in all the ways he can find ever since he found her in Malta. And given what we know of James and loyalty, I think they should have been way more certain than they were (they being Pote and Teresa) that he had nothing to do with it. But 100% certainty? Man. I just don't think that would've been smart, either, not for someone with so many potential enemies out there.

Okay that really wraps it up. I thought this was going to be short, but it is actually impossible for me to keep things short, so my sincere apologies.

#queen of the south #qots #qots s3 #3x11 #2021 rewatch #txt post #qots reaction post #qots meta #the other big thing in this episode is Camila going down #Loya confesses that he was playing her and tries to get her to become a witness for the DEA #literally the way trust plays out for them is opposite and parallel #Camila puts too much trust in both men who surround her this season and ends up getting played by both of them #(meanwhile she herself is manipulative and calculating and untrustworthy)#and Teresa doesn't put enough trust in James #which ends up hurting her in a different but ultimately equally damaging way #anyway Camila's story finally gets interesting to me again next episode #because it intersects again with Teresa's yayyy

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spiralingsights · 2 years

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okay just saw a gifset from mass effect 3 and honestly. i have some thoughts about the scene it was showing. in mass effect 1 you have to choose whether to save Kaidan Alenko or Ashley Williams. i always choose Kaidan bc he [ checks notes ] doesn't fucking hate aliens for existing. anyway after this you can romance whoever you chose, depending on the gender of your Shepard. so i play fem! Shepard exclusively and always save Kaidan- therefore i can romance him

i've only romanced Kaidan once. i'll explain why i will NEVER do it again.

in mass effect 2, you work with cerberus because they brought you back from the dead and can directly help you bring down the collectors (the big bads of me2). during one of the required missions, you meet up with Kaidan again. he says a bunch of bullshit about how he can't trust you anymore and it's fucked up that you're working for cerberus, whatever. basically he doesn't join your crew and he stays pissed.

in mass effect 3 he becomes a companion character again. you're required to have him during the mission on mars (one of the first in the game) and there's a whole fucking scene in the beginning where it's just you and him. and- i kid you not- he spends the WHOLE scene talking about how he "can't trust you anymore" and "can't tell if cerberus is controlling you through your implants". at this point, YOU HAVE SAVED MORE HUMAN AND ALIEN LIVES THAN YOU CAN FUCKING COUNT. YOU HAVE KILLED TWO REAPERS. YOU ARE GOD. and this country ass motherfucker looks you dead in the eyes and goes "i just don't know if you're the woman i fell in love with 🥺" SHUT UP. SHUT UP YOU WHORE.

anyway apparently Ashley spews the same "holier than thou" bullshit and it pisses me off

thanks for coming to my tedtalk

tl;dr: Kaidan Alenko and Ashley Williams are the worst characters to romance in the mass effect trilogy because the second you don't fit into the idea of the perfect "Commander Shepard" they've built, they drop you and call you a bad person

#oooh they make me so angry #i love all the characters in mass effect EXCEPT these two #anti kaidan alenko #anti ashley williams #<- adding those tags bc tumblr is homophobic and will show this post to the fans #so hopefully they have those two tags blocked and won't fucking attack me for having an opinion #like they do every time someone has one of those #also #jack.rant #god they are the worst romancable characters in the whole triology

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okami-zero · 1 year

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So saw a gifset of Alexstrasza in Dragonflight, and she looks so freaking pretty. Like, a lot of the visuals have come along by leaps and bounds. And as neat as all the new stuff is... Like, I was excited when it came out, was kind of building into my hype... and then I remembered Shadowlands. And to a lesser extent, BfA. And I just... can't. The story went fucking sidewise in BfA, and then Shadowlands just kind of threw everything out the window to the point a novel had to be written to make sense of a MAJOR PLOTPOINT. Actually, no, more like a major plot THROUGHLINE, because it informed the shit that went down in BfA, too. And, since it impacted the game, it should have been IN. THE. GAME. And nothing came of any of any of it (except robbing some excellent villains of their agency, which was bullshit)! The novel came out after the fact and while I hear it is good, a retroactive fix is not enough to get me back in. Besides, I had stopped playing in...June? Of 2021 - none of my former guildmates or other friends were ever online while I was on (the guild kind of just...faded away halfway or so through BfA) and pugging in WoW is absolute bullshit. I managed to do...one dungeon, I think? Managed to snag a friend to heal, and while we are doing this run, my very first tanking run of this dungeon, one of the DPS tried to vote to kick me because I wasn't facepulling. And that is a WHOLE OTHER RANT, right there. I digress.

However, that does not mean that my WoW characters are gone or have stopped. Especially my main, Xanotos, who has existed very nearly *as long as WoW itself*, in one form or another and on various servers. He, his partner and my rogues' gallery of other various characters are now RP-only, existing in chat RPs and in a neat little private server that is primarily RP. Like, no combat stuff at all.

For me, Legion was the neat little bow that tied off pretty much all of Warcraft 3's loose ends (despite the absolute twaddle in ads about Shadowlands being the end, fuck you new writing team). The folks I poke around with kind of pick at BfA for the good bits and leave the rest out and we kind of ignore Shadowlands. But yea, Xano is still going, doing his thing in Azeroth, albeit not in the main line.

And, like, maybe someday, they'll do something that might get me to look at the game again, but the taint from Shadowlands BS and to a lesser extent, BfA just...no. Y'all shat all over 15+ years of lore and didn't even manage to give a satisfying end (or memorable villain) for the effort. So Xano is not gone, and most certainly not forgotten.

My focus right now is FFXIV and Akagi and that is where most of my energy and focus lie. But The Beast of the Black Wald is still kicking and there are plenty of tales I need to tell with him.

And I will not yuck anyone's yum here. If you are hype about Dragonflight, please enjoy it! I'll not decry what is fun for you, just because I don't enjoy it anymore. And don't let anyone else naysay you, either. Get out there and fuck up whatever bad dudes show up! For the Alliance, For the Horde, For Azeroth.

#okami rambles #wow rambles #I did my best to keep this from becoming a rant #I have ranted in circles about my dissatisfaction with the game's story #And for now i need to get back to Eorzea

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demcnsinmymind · 1 year

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most important headcanons/char beats for my blog nav/pinned post and easier understanding

another master post? why?

after working on my blog nav I’ve realized that my blog is filled to the brim with wordvomits upon wordvomits about Lance and my ideas for him, so I figured that next to my very lengthy headcanon masterlist, I’d make another shorter-ish post with the most important bullet points that I consider essential for possible threads and interactions with the boy.

Two most important headcanons

The lore is somewhat canon divergent on my blog. The building was alive and sentient with an agenda just like in canon, but my most important headcanon is that the entity possessing and distorting it has been H.P. L/ovec/raft’s demonic outer god Azathoth instead of just some nameless invisible thing. (see detailed possession lore and azathoth info)

Azathoth is bound to Lance on a physical and emotional level and it’s the only thing keeping him from turning into this - a severely impaired, insane and numb shell. (more here)

- The cut him being trapped in 1948 plotline is canon on my blog and I will die on this hill because it’s so awesome!!!!!!!!!!!! =(

Lance

- Lance is not a villain character. He’s not a hero either. He is a grey character and very flipfloppy. He can be the most loyal and protective friend, but he can also be the most selfish, vain, outright asshole. He’s very complicated, but I cannot stress it enough that he’s not a bad guy. (Best said by Sean (the actor who plays him) in this gifset. See more detailed HC posts about it here or here or here) Read: there is no need for excessive hostility towards him. When Azathoth’s in charge? Totally fair game. But him? Consider him more of a victim, please.

- Pre-canon, he did not believe in the paranormal. He wasn’t an outright denier, but pretty much a skeptic in need of some serious convincing. So even though he’s making an entire show about ghosts and the paranormal, off camera and out of character, he’ll tell others it’s all bullshit and think they’re bullshitting as well if they start talking about it being real, or reveal that they themselves are in fact supernatural. That is pretty much canon (see more here) Read: Pre-canon, he’ll react surprisingly douchy and somewhat naive to anything involving his own genre. However, a part of him wants to believe, so he’ll need little convincing :)

- Lance has Stockholm’s syndrome and is trauma bonded to the building/thing possessing him aka Azathoth. (See more here) Read: There will be questionable reactions on this blog that might sound defensive of the thing/trauma, might even play it down. But that is on purpose. Not me condoning what happened to him. The opposite. He’ll work his way through this and learn sooner or later that it’s bad to defend it. However, be prepared to see him get angry with the helper instead of the abuser at first, which might be perplexing at first. He’ll need a lot of convincing on that front.

- He’s filled to the brim with charisma and fake friendliness and he does have a silver tongue, but he does not have many friends be that before or after canon, pretty much none post canon after losing his team inside Collingwood and losing 13 years to his ordeal. Read: He’s all talk and no bite. Expect a lot of bitter sarcasm and a lot of pushing back. He isn’t used to the idea of people caring about him. He’ll get there.

- I headcanon him to be aromantic. Couple that with his lack of interest in deep and lasting relationships, and you got someone who is very prone to casual hook ups and what not. He has no interest in anything romantic, and neither will he ever pursue the family/marriage life. (See more here) Read: I won’t write romantic plots. Smut and regular booty calls with very tight friendships behind them are more than fair game, I love them. But there won’t be any exclusive monogamous ships here.

- He’s incredibly guarded. I don’t know the right word/explanation for it and “emotionally unavailable” doesn’t quite match how I portray him, but basically one of the most important aspects about my portrayal of him post canon is that it will take a lot to break down his barriers. It’ll take a lot of patience and time until he starts trusting people, and even more of it until he opens up to them and accepts help. This is due to his obvious trauma, not due to toxic masculinity or the fact that he’s incapable of emotions or empathy. He has a whole palette of both, but he keeps that under very tight wraps. (see more here or here or here) Read: He’ll react like an asshole when it gets down to people offering their help and comfort at first. This is not because he is one and wants to hurt anyone, but because he’s very afraid of being vulnerable and getting hurt. But it is a fact that he very much wants help and needs help and that you’ll get him there eventually. It just takes some time and trust. Kind of like a kicked wet cat in an alley.

Azathoth

- Azathoth is an it. Please do not refer to it as “he”. It’s a thing that looks and acts like however it wants to be. It is called the nuclear chaos. It is so beyond our human comprehension and most certainly beyond the idea of genders. Read: Azzy isn’t male. It’s a chaotic wildcard. It won’t ever be refered to as “he” by me and I’d very much appreciate it if you kept that in mind =)

- As stated up above, the most important thing to keep in mind is that Azathoth is like a plug in Lance’s brain. If you pull it, he’s a goner. They both know it. Thus, they’ll react harshly and negatively to any attempts of banishing it from his body. (read more here) Read: Unlike most other depictions of possession in media with the possessed being helpless victims horrified by the ordeal and more than grateful to see their possessor gone, Lance won’t react the same way to the prospect of getting rid of it.

- Azathoth is a demonic outer god that was once exiled beyond time and space. It more or less adheres to some of L/ovecraft’s lore and canon, not to any Supernatural or biblical canon. It has no weaknesses and cannot be exorcised. It can only be bound to other buildings/universes/places beyond time or put back to sleep with ancient flutes. (read more here, also see cool videos like this) Read: Azathoth is an overpowered Mary Sue. Please do not assume it can be put in demon traps or hurt with holy water/hex bags and what not. That’ll just get Lance’s clothes wet and dirty and piss the both of them off. Fear not though, I very very rarely write out its OP powers and am more than happy to piss it off.

- It has a lot of cool powers. Though it technically isn’t canon that it’s what did all the things, whatever is possessing Collingwood did do a lot of cool things. See here. Read: Just me wanting to share my fav gifset hehe

#text post #mobile resource

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blackbatpurplecat · 1 year

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I posted 1,268 times in 2022

57 posts created (4%)

1,211 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@batman-is-me

@injusticebrucewayne

@hellcheertrashman

@animusrox

@nightwingcouldyounot

I tagged 1,266 of my posts in 2022

#comic - 489 posts

#batman - 343 posts

#catwoman - 228 posts

#batman x catwoman - 203 posts

#fan art - 200 posts

#gifset - 197 posts

#purple catwoman - 196 posts

#black catwoman - 146 posts

#bruce wayne - 112 posts

#jim balent catwoman - 106 posts

Longest Tag: 121 characters

#hey tom king didn't you write selina hating being pregnant and hating the baby? at least be consistent with your bullshit

My Top Posts in 2022:

Great.

You watch ONE little gay pirate show and all of the sudden you’re obsessed and can’t stop going back to episode 1 once you’ve finished episode 10.

Why did no one tell me? Why wasn’t I informed that this would happen? I’m in the mood to draw, to write, to edit videos. This wasn’t the deal!

Anyway

GO WATCH OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH!!!

I promise you’ll feel totally normal afterwards. It doesn’t change you at all.

10 notes - Posted April 9, 2022

Does isn't bother you that Batman and Catwoman never last long?

It's always the same,they are together for a while,they break up,they give Selina Kyle a bad relationship and then she returns back to Bruce again only so that then she can leave and move on again,either make the relationship permanent or do the opposite,she gets her own stuff done well and gets no ties to batman

Oh it absolutely bothers me! Especially over the last few years it's been infuriating me. I think the worst low in recent years was the wedding fakeout, that one was such a ruthless middle finger to the fans.

Unfortunately, DC have been quite successful at slowly suffocating my interest and burning passion in the characters and the ship with all their bad writing and bad decisions. No content is watering my BatCat plant so it's withering. There's been nothing positive for me to feed on so BatCat is absolutely no competition when other ships I adore e.g. have gotten their happy ending (MCU), are sailing towards their happy ending (OFMD), or are about to get more new and good content (Gargoyles).

At DC, it's always always always the same, rinse wash repeat. And it's getting tiresome for this fan who's been watching/reading DC content for decades. It's probably alright for new fans as they haven't seen the repetition often enough yet so everything's still new and exciting.

The characters don't evolve, they don't grow, they don't learn, it's always the same, just dressed up differently. (That aspect makes Cat-Tales so fascinating because those stories show us what could happen IF the characters developed and learned.) If it was Lois & Clark, it wouldn't be as bad because their default state seems to be dating/married so they are happy which is good for them and great for their shippers!

Personally, I'm still longing for an Earth-2 comic book or a sequel to the Telltale Batman games. That would definitely water my crops. But as for now, I'm resigned to the fact that we will never get anything new. There's only fight, kiss, break up. Rinse Wash Repeat.

10 notes - Posted November 16, 2022

12 notes - Posted August 19, 2022

Alright, Mr. Waititi.

I bought my ticket.

I'm in my seat.

I'm wearing my Our Flag Means Death t-shirt.

It's about to start.

Hit me with your new super gay movie!

12 notes - Posted July 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

What makes you like Selina's purple costumes the best? And how would you rank her Catwoman costumes throughout the years from best to worst?

Hi Anony! 😊 So lovely of you to drop by!

I wrote a little piece on the Balent suit a while back, I'll quote myself here to explain why I like it the best:

I love purple. [...] The purple outfit is just the prettiest to me. The color, the gloves and boots, the cowl, it’s just gorgeous! And in a way an expression of what Selina is: very feminine, seductive, playful, and classy. Purple is the color of royalty, female cats are called “queens” - Selina’s the queen of the night, the world’s best thief. It just IS her color.

Also if you go up against the big bad Bat, what’s the best way to defeat (or in her case, escape from) him? Short-circuiting his brain! So all he sees is a curvy lady in skin-tight leather, wearing an inviting yet dangerous smile, throwing innuendo at him… Tell me that he can still concentrate on his mission, I dare ya!

[...] it’s also so much more… subtle. Yes, it’s skin-tight but it covers her up entirely and leaves something to the imagination. It might be just me but I prefer this over the cleavage that practically jumps at you. [...]

(I once tried to explain it like this: current Catwoman is a like stripper, raw and sexualised; 90s Catwoman is a Burlesque dancer, sexy and playful).

The suit’s even very funtional. Purple is harder to spot in the dark or when the light from bright neon signs on buildings reflects off of it. She’s wearing comfortable and light boots she can run and get a hold on edges with (yes, I’m talking about the version without high heels), not those heavy motherfuckers she could never be silent or soft-footed with! [...] And no goggles means no glass that can crack and get into your eyes. (or make you look like a bug)

Tl;dr: The Balent suit just expresses Selina's personality the best and, on a personal note, is the most aesthetically pleasing one.

Now over the past decades, we've had doooozens of Catwoman suits. I don't know if I can rank them all. 😅 I doubt anyone's ever done that.

But I can do a personal top 10 list if that's okay with you!

#1 - Jim Balent's 90's suit

As I said, it's just perfection. I love it!

#2 - Batman: The Animated Series suit

See the full post

13 notes - Posted March 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#personal note #tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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shinydixon · 1 year

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Steddie anon. They never showed the actual question he was asked in the new gifset I watched so since the "I didn't think that as Eddie" came immediately after talking about Steddie you can see how I got confused but my bad. Also mainly came back to just say that I also find Hellcheer's bullshit equally annoying. I didn't watch the entirety of season 4 until after Volume 2 had been out for a few days. So I came into the fandom a bit later than most. But that also meant I missed the height of Hellcheer (I imagine it was a nightmare after Chrissy's one and only episode came out) and came in at the height of Steddie. So I do apologise if I insulted your favorite ship or made you feel like I'm not equally annoyed by all the shippers who lean too heavily on what the actors have to say. I've heard Hellcheer is bad for it. But I guess most of them left tumblr and went to twitter where I have no presence so I'm only bombarded with Steddie.

Don't apologize nonnie it's fine 🤍

And you didn't offended the ship it's totally fine having an opinion; I was just pointing out that I saw a lot of hate towards steddie since Joe made that statement and that when he did the same with hellcheer it wasn't met with such hate 💀

Now you're bombarded with steddie because it's something that just happened so they're loud.

At the same time I get that people are annoyed by shipping in general, sometimes I'm getting annoyed too, but it's something you can't avoid in a fandom 😩

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neuxue · 4 years

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With expressions like these, who needs dialogue

Yunmeng Trio reacts to Jin Zixuan's arrival (The Untamed ep25)

#back on my bad gifset bullshit #the untamed #theuntamededit #cqledit #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #jiang yanli #just love the brothers like #'wtf why is he here'#'idk just roll with it'#neuxue makes gifs

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elivanto · 3 years

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war. it’s all you’ve ever known, isn’t it? you were so young when you survived the clone war. no wonder you’re as equipped in spirit to fight as well as you do. war is… in your blood. i study the art of war, work to perfect it. but you, you were forged by it.

#MAY I INTRODUCE… HERA SYNDULLA #REBEL PILOT FREEDOM FIGHTER AND MILITARY LEADER #DAUGHTER OF YOUR NEMESIS… CHAM SYNDULLA #i am BACK ON MY BULLSHIT #i think i need to make a gifset of this scene just to get it out of my system LMAO #hanna.txt #i don’t know what to tag this 🥲#thrawn #star wars rebels #obligatory bad word so this doesn’t show up in the search: bitch

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horsesandhockeyplayers · 2 years

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A Not So Southern Christmas-- Part 5

This is obviously a rewrite of my old fic. I have been feeling romantic and Christmasy, so I figured it was time to bring back my favorite holiday couple. Title banner by the wonderful @whatishockey. The center photo is from a gifset by the amazing@powerblais

Synopsis: When Adelaide Thibodeaux finds her husband to be diddling the wedding planner in the Church before their nuptials, she walks out and is determined to take her dream honeymoon by herself. Until she gets a seat upgrade to first class and ends up next to Hurricanes Defenceman, Joel Edmundson. Holiday shenanigans ensue.

Author's Notes: Rushed to get this done for Christmas, so ignore any typos please. THAR BE SMUT AHEAD. This was written in early 2019 before Eddy went to Montreal as a free agent. I will be tagging both teams. It's been a while since I've posted a dual POV so reminder that *~*~*~*~*~* delineates a change in POV.

Tag List: @leafs-foreverr, @pagirl6866, @colecockfield If you would like to be part of the tag list, please let me know.

Part 5

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When I woke up in the morning, I could tell the snow was falling heavy. Daylight was trying hard to penetrate the wall of blizzard outside and failing.

Sometime during the night, I had flipped Adelaide over my body and she was curled into my chest as I faced the wall of windows on “my” side of the bed. She was snoring softly and had gotten rid of the sweatshirt sometime during the night. Probably because I was a human furnace when I slept.

That was fine by me as I lifted the covers to take a peek at her pajamas that drove me insane. She burrowed into me more as the cold air hit her skin and I let the coverlet fall and wrapped my arms around her. I was awake, I had to pee, and I was horny. I was definitely looking forward to the day where I could wake her up in the morning with my cock sliding into her hot wet cunt. The thought made me swallow, hard.

She snuggled into the hollow of my throat which didn’t make me want her less, but I was doing this “in the moment” bullshit now so I wrapped my arms around her even tighter as I hugged her to my body and watched the blizzard swirl outside the hotel windows.

I lifted my wrist to check the time and it was just after seven in the morning. I had no idea what the streets below looked like but based on what I could see falling in the muted morning light, pending a Christmas miracle, we weren’t getting out of Chicago today.

There was a grumble somewhere around the vicinity of my throat and phone started to vibrate on the side table. Reaching over the dark haired badger making unhappy noises into my throat, I picked up the phone.

If the majority of my blood wasn’t in my dick, if I didn’t have a beautiful woman snuggled into my body, and if I had been awake more than two minutes, I probably wouldn’t have answered a facetime call from a number I didn’t recognize, but I did.

When I hit accept, I had less than a second to 1) realize the caller was Adele and 2) Notice Adelaide’s dark head was clearly visible under my chin before her sister let out a shriek that could have awoken long dead Egyptian Pharaohs.

The noise made Adelaide bolt upright, her head snapping me in the chin so hard my teeth smashed together, and when her sister was able to clearly see what she was wearing, that got another shriek of joy of which any toddler in the world would have been jealous.

My phone was snatched out of my hand and Adelaide threw it across the room where it landed harmlessly on the carpet, her voice a harsh whisper, “What the fuck, Joel?”

All of my blood was still not where it was supposed to be and I was having a difficult time processing everything that just happened in the span of three seconds.

Stretching my jaw, I moved it side to side with my fingers, tongue running over my teeth to make sure they were still there. That would have been an embarrassing story to tell the boys. Adele’s voice was tinny from across the suite and I pulled Adelaide back down in the bad and pulled the duvet over our heads as I feverishly whispered, “What the fuck just happened?”

Her hands started running over my body, like she was checking me for injuries and it was NOT helping the situation in my boxer briefs. “Why did I just wake up to my sister shrieking like she just opened new Louboutins?”

I snatched one of her roving hands and placed it not so subtly on my dick, “Because I woke up three minutes ago wrapped around a beautiful woman wearing the lingerie you’re wearing, making badger noises into my chest and all my blood is here.”

Her fingers trailed idly over the hard length and I couldn’t help the noise I made in my throat. She didn’t seem to notice, “Badger noises?”

I swallowed and struggled for control, grabbing her wrist, “Adelaide, your sister is still talking into that phone across the room and unless you want my dick so deep inside you it’s coming out your throat, I need you to stop. Please.”

The little minx didn’t stop, she actually smirked. I wouldn’t have thought Adelaide could smirk, but she did and she slipped her fingers into the waistband of my Calvins and she wrapped her entire hand around the shaft and stroked.

I swallowed and sank into the pillows, “Fuuuuuuccckk.”

Suddenly her face was in front of mine, “You have to stay quiet until Adele hands up, which, she knows we are in the same bed, and she wants deets OR to see you naked, so don’t bet on that.”

Holding her wrist still, I hissed, “I do not know what you did with the sweet southern woman I picked up at the airport, but this is not appropriate!”

She smirked again uncharacteristically, “She woke up curled around a very very hot half naked man and she decided to stop being stupid. So do you want my mouth on you or not?”

Propriety was NOT my strong suit and I had made an unsuccessful attempt at being a gentleman, so I gave in. I let her wrist go and settled on my back, folding my hands behind my head, “I’m a man in bed with a gorgeous woman, who wants me in her throat? If this is some kind of test, then I fail.”

Placing her lips on mine, she gave me a gentle kiss and released Little Eddy before hopping out of bed like an adorable long legged doe.

I sighed and pushed up into a seated position, the headboard supporting my back as she picked up the phone, “Hi Dellie bye Dellie!” She hit the end button with a jaunty wave and turned the phone off before tossing it back on the bed. “Give me a minute?”

“I’m not going anywhere, Lady,” I said, gesturing to Little Eddy making a tent under the duvet.

She disappeared into the bathroom and i put the phone on the nightstand. She didn’t take long but I was staring out the windows, lost in my thoughts when she returned. Climbing on the bed, she straddled my hips and pulled the covers up around her waist, “Open your mouth.”

Her breath was minty fresh and I knew she had brushed her teeth in the bathroom and I was suddenly self-conscious about my own breath. It was a new feeling, I was never self-conscious about anything.

I opened my mouth, and like she had read my thoughts she placed a breath strip on my tongue. In that moment it was my heart and not my dick that twitched.

Settling my hands on his hips, I shifted so she was perfectly stradldling my hard on and I arched up into her. She sucked a breath through her teeth, hands coming to rest on my bare shoulders.

When I spoke my breath was also minty fresh, “Are you sure, Lady?”

Rolling her hips against me, she shyly bit her lip and I felt my self control shred. “Lady?”

Letting her lip pop out from between her teeth she answered, “Yeah, I’m sure.”

I lifted my hands to hold her head, thumbs under her chin and I held her for a kiss.

She was the one to deepen the kiss, her tongue slipping between my lips and an absolutely feral sound originated in my throat. Holding her to me, I flipped us and she gave a small squeak as her back hit the mattress. I had an entire buffet of Adelaide and her lips were just round one. Breaking the kiss I started to nibble down her neck.

Her hands trailed up my spine, her voice breathless, “holy shit Eddy.”

“What?” I replied between kisses. I was trying to decide if that silken pajama set was going to hit the floor now or later.

“You just threw me around like a feather.”

I chuckled against her skin, “Trust me you’re not a feather, but you’re not another 240lb hockey player in full pads either. You’re not nearly as big as you think you are.”

She didn’t answer, just gasped as I nipped her nipple through her cami, my free hand plucking at the other. I suddenly made a decision and lifted the shirt up and over her head, red silk and white lace hitting the floor before I laid her back down again.

Her fingers threaded through my hair as I sucked a nipple into my mouth and swirled my tongue around the nub. My fingers rolled her other nipple between them before I trapped it and started to squeeze with increasing pressure until Adelaide arched her hips into me with a moan.

Her voice was barely a whisper, “oh my god, Eddy.”

I hummed against her as I continued kissing down her body, “hmmm, if that’s all it takes to get an ‘oh my god, Eddy.’ I’m looking forward to the rest of this.”

She flinched when I started kissing across her stomach and I’m pretty sure I actually growled, “Whatever dumb insecure bullshit you just thought of, knock it off.”

I kissed across her belly again, tongue dipping into her navel before my fingers found the waistband of her shorts. They too hit the floor and suddenly she was laid out in front of me completely naked. She was just as spectacular as I thought she would be.

“Fuck, you are beautiful.”

Her pussy lips were glistening and I traced a finger down the seam gathering her juices before I let it slip between them. Watching her face, I slid my finger over her clit and pressed down, rolling it against the pad of my finger. She gasped and her hands fisted in the sheets.

I let my finger slide down her folds, adding pressure as it found her entrance and I pushed it inside. She was so wet and warm, I needed to taste her. I moaned as I licked her clit; she was so tight and her cunt sucked my finger inside her. She arched off the bed and buried her fingers in my hair, gripping the strands as I lapped at her cunt and fucked her with my finger.

At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to see this beautiful woman cum. I sucked on her clit and slid a second finger inside her and she gasped. Twisting them inside her I pressed the tips to her walls, searching for her g-spot and her hips lifted when I found it and she gyrated in the air trying to get more stimulation.I fucked her with my fingers then, dragging them along the spot, clit trapped between my teeth as I sucked. She was panting as I fucked her, chest heaving, breasts moving with every breath.

When she started to beg, I almost lost it. “Eddy, oh my god. Please. PLEASE.” I pushed a third finger inside her and bit down on her clit with increasing pressure until her back bowed off the bed and she was scratching at the headboard with her free hand. Her pussy convulsed around my fingers and I let her clit go, lapping at it with a flat tongue as I fucked her through the orgasm, cunt rippling around my digits.

Her juices were running down my hand and I needed to be inside her. Untangling her hand from my hair I pushed it above her head and gripped both of her wrists in my hand as I levered over her, shoving my underwear down my hips. My cock bounced free and I shifted, dragging the head through her dripping pussy until it notched at her entrance.

My voice was more forceful than I intended for it to be. “Are you on birth control?”

She nodded, hands still pinned above her head and I slid into her body with a hard thrust, feeling the crown of my cock drag against her walls. Even after an orgasm and good finger fucking she was still tight and it took few thrusts to get all the way in. I held my dripping fingers to her mouth. “Suck.” Her lips stretched around all three fingers, tongue running over them, tasting herself.

When I was buried inside her to the hilt, I felt the tip of my cock pressed against her cervix and she rotated her hips, trying to get me deeper. Taking my hand out of her mouth, I supported my weight with it. She squirmed under my body and she whined, her voice needy. “Eddy, fuck Eddy, you are so big, I need more.”

I bent down, lips latching onto her skin below her collarbone and I sucked hard as I slammed my hips into her repeatedly. I did this for a few minutes, sucking a bruise into her skin, marking her as my hips set a slow forceful pace. The only sounds were her whimpers covered by the fervent slap of our bodies together. When the mark was an angry purple, I turned my attention to her nipples; my cock was slamming into her so hard that her entire body shook, which had her boobs bouncing in my face.

I latched onto a nipple, my free hand trapping the other between my fingers and I bit down and squeezed at the same time. She arched up into me with a string of curses, legs wrapping around my waist and that was my undoing. I braced both hands on the headboard and I fucked her hard and furious, our bodies sounding like applause through hissed expletives.

Her orgasm seemed to catch her by surprise as I shifted my hips, the shaft of my cock dragging along her clit as I fucked her. Watching her face as she came was my breaking point and I felt my balls tighten as I shot stream after stream of cum into her cunt.

I braced my weight on my forearms trying not to put too much weight on her, because I didn’t want to pull out just yet. I wanted to stay inside her hot wet warmth forever.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

My voice was breathless like Scarlett O’Hara had run a mile, “Holy Shit Eddy.” He refused to put any weight on me, but refused to move as well so I wrapped my arms around him and tugged.

His voice was muffled in the crook of my neck, “No Lady, I’m too heavy.”

“Let me be the judge of that will ya,” I said, pressing a kiss into his temple. I tugged him down again and this time he obliged, settling his weight carefully on top of me, his softening cock still inside me, filling me. I wanted to stay in this moment forever.

We laid there, sweat drying on my skin, pussy still fluttering anemically around his cock as he nosed my ear pressing gentle kisses along my neck. “That was perfect, you’re perfect. God, I don’t even know when I’ve cum that hard.”

I sighed and hugged him tight, “One of the drawbacks of living in the moment is wanting to stay here forever, never wanting to go back to reality.”

He propped himself up on an elbow and kissed me sloppy and deep, our tongues lazily entwining until he had his fill and he pulled back, pressing his wet lips to my face in soft kisses. “You think when Christmas is over I’m just going to go away? You are sorely mistaken. I just became addicted to you Lady.”

I sighed again, relaxing into the heat his body produced, “You say that now, before we have to go back to the real world.”

He pulled back, lifting his hips to watch his dick slide out of my body, followed by a trickle of his cum. I watched him as his fingers gathered it and bit my lip as he shoved it back inside him. It was so crude and possessive, I almost came again before he brought his finger to my lips, his voice commanding, “Suck.”

Opening my mouth, I drew them in, sucking our co-mingled juices off his skin. He uttered a hissed, “Fuck,” and pulled his fingers from my mouth as there was a knock at the door

He kissed me, tongue invading my mouth like he was trying to lick our cum off of my tongue. Sex with Dan had never been like this. We had only done it a handful of times but they had been fumbling, hurried, unfulfilling events in the dark with him grunting and thrusting erratically and I had nothing else to compare them too. If this was what sex was supposed to be like, I understood why Adele was so insistent I get out an “get some.”

There was another knock, “Room service!”

He broke the kiss and pressed our foreheads together, “I ordered coffee and breakfast last night.”

I gave him a soft kiss on the lips. “Mmm, that was mighty thoughtful of you.”

His eyes were soft and almost a little wistful, “Is it weird that I’m hoping this blizzard lasts a few more days and instead of going home I can just spend the next three days fucking you in increasingly depraved ways?”

I gave him another chaste kiss. “Go get breakfast before my ass deflates.”

He pouted and kissed me again, “We can’t have that, it’s one of my favorite parts about you.”

I gave him a small shove. “Go.” He responded by tucking the covers around my naked body, his cock limp and shiny against his thighs as he pulled his underwear on and walked to the other side of the bed for his joggers.

There was no way to hide the smell of sex in the room and I wanted to pull the covers over my head and hide from the employee delivering breakfast.

How he managed to pull on his sweats and gracefully hop across the suite, I don’t know. I would have crashed into 14 pieces of furniture and probably needed stitches and a trip to the hospital.

“Can I pay for the tip, or…” I asked, after clearing my throat. He snatched his wallet off the table and rolled his eyes at me, clearly not dignifying my request with an answer.

I threw a pillow at his retreating back and huffed, “You’re such a jerk!”

A smirk covered his face as he reached the door, “Yeah, according to Don Cherry, I’m part of a bunch.”

I flopped back into the remaining pillows and pulled the covers over my head, he was impossible, “Well Don Cherry is a dinosaur in completely awful suits!”

I stayed under the duvet for the transaction and wondered if I could just hide out under the goose down forever. Soon the smell of bacon smothered the smell of sex in the room and I peeked out from the safety of the duvet only to find Joel wafting the smell toward me with a napkin.

His grin was wide, “Mmm. There’s my Lady. Come eat.”

I rolled my eyes, clutching the sheet to my chest, and trying to find the pajama set to put on.

He poured me a coffee. “Lady, just wrap the sheet around you and come eat, because getting dressed is an act of futility. I’m just going to strip you naked again as soon as we are done eating.”

Somehow I managed to gather the huge sheet around my body in some kind of toga and not trip on the ends as I made my way to the table. When I sat and started to chew on a piece of bacon, my voice was dry, “What makes you think you’re going to get me naked again?”

A smile stretched his face, but his eyes were dark. “Because I’m gonna put on the antlers and you’re gonna put on the elf hat.”

I tried to resist the whole body shiver that snaked down my spine, but based on Eddy’s gleeful smirk I wasn’t sure how successful I was.

Picking up a fork I pushed the eggs around on my plate. “Speaking of that… we didn’t um.. Use protection.”

He paused chewing and swallowed before he spoke, “You said you were on birth control.”

“I am… but like pregnancy isn’t the only STD”

He choked on his coffee at the implication that children were STDs. “I haven’t been with anyone since I was last tested.”

Frowning, I put down my fork. “Oh yeah? What about me? I could be a giant… slut!”

He gave me a dry look, “The fact that you had to search for the word slut in you vocabulary tells me all I need to know, but please stop me if at any point this becomes inaccurate. You met Dan three years ago. It took him almost six months to get into your pants. You’d have sex two to three times a week at first, you were engaged by your second year together, by the third year you were down to once a month at most, none at all leading up to the wedding. You figured the wedding would change things.”

My frown became a scowl and I pushed the eggs around on my plate some more. I didn’t want to tell him he was off the mark but not in the way he would be expecting and that my experience was actually much much less than that. He looked awfully pleased with himself as he finished his stupid egg white omlette. I hoped it tasted like sad kale.

“We actually only had sex a few times and it wasn’t like what we…” I trailed off and pushed my food around some more.

I could tell he didn’t know what to do with that information, so he changed the subject, “Stop frowning and start eating.” He finished his plate and grabbed his phone off the nightstand.

While he disappeared into his device my eyes strayed to the windows and the city of Chicago. We both spoke at the same time.

“The snow stopped.”

“Our flight wasn’t cancelled.”

Suddenly, I was faced with the reality that life existed outside of this suite and I was going to bumfuck nowhere Manitoba with a professional hockey player to crash his family’s Christmas.

He pointed at me, the rest of his fingers still curled around his phone, “Stop it.”

I frowned and pushed the eggs to the other side of my plate, just to change it up for once. “What? I didn’t do anything.”

“You’ve suddenly realized you said you’d go home with me and you’re feeling some sort of way about it and that way is not jumping for joy,” he said as he refilled my coffee up with his free hand.

It was creepy how easy could read me, he barely knew me, “Joel…”

He practically growled. “I hate when you call me Joel. When you call me Eddy you’re all cute or turned on. When you call me Joel, inevitably, something I’m not going to like is about to come out of your mouth. New rule, you’re not allowed to call me Joel.”

He started clearing his side of the table, putting things back on the cart. “Finish your breakfast. Our flight was moved up an hour. They want to try and get us out of here before the skies clear completely and the temperature drops 20 degrees and the runways are covered in ice instead of snow.”

I managed a few bites of the eggs, ate another strip of bacon and gave up on breakfast. My Momma would have been cluckin’ and feeling my forehead. Wrapping my hands around my mug of coffee, I stared out the window. The oppressive snow clouds started to lift and once again the Chicago street below me started to buzz with cars and people as the city began to dig out from the storm. My mind joined them, wondering what each one was doing with their day.

I felt pressure on my wrist, when I looked down Joel was carefully unwrapping my fingers from the mug and he tugged me out of my seat. When he spoke his voice was soft, “Hey, do you still want to come home with me?”

My shoulders lifted so high I could've sworn they brushed my earlobes before I dropped them in an exaggerated shrug. “I like you, I like the way you make me feel. I’d follow you to the ends of the earth to keep feeling this way but, everything just seems to be processing finally.”

He stepped closer, his fingers and palms grazing the line of my jaw before his hands buried in my hair. He lifted my chin with his thumbs and pressed a kiss to my lips. “No pressure, you know. We can go to Toronto or I can take you home to Alabama and crash your family’s Christmas.”

I managed to stop my eyes mid roll, because Joel in Alabama would be a disaster, “I’m just worried about what people will think, what your family will think. You already posted that photo to instagram, people probably think I’m some holiday hooker or something.”

He rested his forehead against mine, “Adelaide, no one with a soul can dislike you and why do you care what people think? No one on Instagram thinks you’re a holiday whore, they think you’re my girlfriend. So if that addressed all your concerns, in a perfect world where would you be right now?”

“On my honeymoon with a man who loved me and inbetween sightseeing and sex I’d be worried if the new towels matched the shower curtains for the house.” The thought escaped before I could stop it and he sighed.

“Well, I’m wayyyy better than Dear Old Dan, but Manitoba is a poor substitute for Toronto, so we are batting 50/50.”

I placed the hand I wasn’t using to hold up my sheet toga up, on his bare chest. I knew it wasn’t possible but I felt electricity flow between us. “But you’re going to be in Manitoba, so Manitoba wins.” He lifted my chin and kissed me again, this time his tongue sliding between my teeth.

As we kissed he backed me up against the bed and I yelped, my mouth ripped away from his as I fell ungracefully onto the mattress.

Joel didn’t flop around like a beached sperm whale, his descent to the bed was controlled and graceful as his arms landed on the bed on either side of my head.

His head tilted, brows arching as he looked at me, “A weird expression just crossed your face.”

“I was momentarily jealous of how graceful you are.”

“Is that what that expression was?” He looked amused.

“Yes, bu this expression is me remembering there’s at LEAST two videos of you on youtube sprawling on the ice because you forgot to take your skate guards off and that made me feel better about myself.”

He sat up against the headboard and hauled my sheet-toga clad body against his. “I’m glad those seriously embarrassing moments in my life give you peace.”

Unwrapping my body, I settled the sheet over both of us and rested my head on his shoulder. After a moment, he cleared his throat and when I looked up at him, he was wearing the reindeer antlers. “I believe I have a fantasy…”He plopped the elf hat on my head with a hopeful waggle of his eyebrows, “What do you say?”

I didn’t answer, just trailed my fingers down his body, the tips dipping into the valleys of his abs, feeling the muscles contract at the sensation. I wondered how much he worked out to get a body like this and I figured it was a million hours per day and I knew he sacrificed bacon and egg yolks. His body was nice, but God, at what cost?

His cock jumped, already hard, as I licked his sex lines and slipped my fingers around him giving a firm tug. Living in the moment was something new for me and apparently it took practice. But I was fully flexing that tiny little muscle now and fully prepared to chase my own pleasure while using this man’s body like an adult playground.

His cock still had that musty after sex smell clinging to the skin and I wanted to taste it, taste us. Leaning over him I ran my tongue around the mushroomed crown and he let out a breath through his nose, one of his hands sliding into my hair, “Fuck, Baby.”

I licked the length before taking him in my mouth and sucked until my lips met my hand. When I let him go to take him in my throat his hips lifted and I thought he was going to fuck my face. Instead, his hand fisted in my hair and he gently pulled me off his cock. “I’m too close. I don't want to finish in your mouth.”

He pulled me on top of his body as I licked my lips. “But what if I want to taste you?”

“Mmm you can suck it off my cock after.” His hand slipped between our bodies and I suddenly found myself full of his fingers, “But my cum belongs here.”

“Oh.” I didn’t know what to say to that but I felt my walls ripple against his digits and I rocked on them as I got wetter.

His smile was wicked as he removed his fingers and lined up his cock, gripping my hips and rolling them slowly until he was buried inside me. “You like that idea? Being full of my cum?”

I bit my lip and nodded, rolling my hips again, feeling him deep inside me, head snug against my cervix he was so deep. The pressure was arousing and intense and I wanted more even though there wasn’t anymore of him or anywhere for it to go. Bracing my hands on his chest I let him take my whole weight, feeling so full of his entire length pressed inside me.

Letting go of my hips, he palmed my breasts, hefting them and holding the weight of them in his hands as I rode him. “I’m going to remember this forever.”

I was so turned on, my entire body felt flushed as his dick slid in and out of my sopping pussy. I mewled when his fingers plucked at my nipples and rolled my hips to shift the angle of his cock inside me, trying to get friction on my clit.

When he pinched my nipples, I gasped and increased my pace, “Fuck Eddy, I’m so close.” My voice was breathy and my hair was sticking the sweat on my neck.

Releasing one, the blood rushing to the tip was a sensation I felt right in my clit and his hand slid down my belly, his thumb seeking the bundle of nerves that so desperately wanted stimulation. One of my nipples was still pinched between his fingers and he increased the pressure rolling it between the pads of his thumb and forefinger as his thumbnail scraped my clit and I fell apart, bucking hard on his cock, as I had the hardest orgasm I had ever experienced.

His hips shot up as my walls fluttered around him, fucking me through it. “That’s it. Cum on my cock, Lady.” His fingers teasing my nipples and clit didn’t stop until I couldn’t hold myself up anymore and my elbows buckled.

Before I knew what was happening, he was out from under me and I whimpered as he pulled out, but he then he was behind me, pulling me to my knees and he slammed back in, fucking me so furiously that a second orgasm followed on the heels of the first, and this time his thrusts became erratic as he slammed into my cunt, cock twitching as he spilled inside me for the second time.

His long fingers were gripping my hips so hard I was sure there were going to be bruises and he was pressed as deep as he could be as the final ropes of cum shot out of him.

He stayed in me, pelvis flush with my ass as he ran a hand up and down my sweaty spine. “When you cum it feels like your pussy is literally trying to milk the cum from my balls. Is it weird that I like fucking you bareback? I never fuck women without a condom,” his voice was rough as he finally pulled out and I felt some of his cum dribble out. His fingers scooped it up and he held it in front of my lips. I lapped at his fingers as he flopped next to me and hauled me against his chest.

I made some sort of noise that indicated the negative to his question and ran my fingers down his chest. The asshole wasn’t sweating or winded and I felt like I needed a drink and a cigarette and 20 hours of sleep.

His phone vibrated on the side table and he reached over to grab it, “Your sister is trying to call again.”

I buried my face into his chest. “You have to change your phone number now. I have to change my number too. Does your mom want a daughter?”

Declining the call, he set the phone back on the table and wrapped his long arms around me, “I already got a DM from a cousin asking if the woman in the photo I posted was my fiance. There were apparently some wires crossed between my mom and aunt and the words ‘daughter-in law’ were used in some capacity and honestly, I don’t know the whole story but if we eloped no one would be happier than my mother.”

I didn’t know what to do with all that information and I just sighed, listening to Joel’s steady heartbeat beneath my ear tracing figure eights around his nipple with my fingernail.

He swept my hair over my shoulder. “Are you just going to ignore that?”

“YUP. No idea how to process so didn’t happen. I heard nothin’.”

His fingers continued combing through my hair, “It’s almost 9:30. We still need to get up and showered before we check out so we can get to the airport on time. And your phone has been off since last night according to the angry text I just got from Adele, so maybe turn it on and call your family before your dad kills me and no one ever finds the body.”

I rolled my eyes. “Are you sure Adele isn’t your type? You’re both giant drama queens.”

“Ma’am I am a drama KING.”

I tried to use my liquid muscles to sit up. “Ok Mr. Crop Top Man.”

A yelp escaped as he suddenly flipped us, his narrow hips between my thighs, arms caged around my head, lips on mine as his tongue lashed into my mouth. I was halfway turned on again when he lifted his head, “I just made you cum like four times in the last two hours, are you seriously questioning my virile masculinity?”

“If I say yes will you make it five?” I said with a smug tone.

He groaned, burying his face into the crook of my neck. “You’re a vixen. I would love nothing more than to spend the day in bed, enjoying your body, making you scream my name, but that has to wait until All Star break. Maybe I can whisk you away to someplace with a beach and little umbrellas in the drinks, but right now, you have to get your beautiful butt outta bed and I don’t mind you smelling like my cum, I prefer it actually, but other people might not like it.”

When I spoke my voice was soft, “All Star break? Some place with a beach?”

“You heard me. Now, let’s go.” He rolled off of me and I was being hauled to my feet and directed to the bathroom still trying to process his comment about the break.

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