#bc they think i am trying to be young and trendy

[hellsvestibule]

People talk about how meme brain can poison people’s ability to interact with artists who post online but it’s also kind of endemic even to how people approach academic texts or classic literature at this point and it’s frustrating bc when the persons primary vantage point is already ironic detachment and dismissal, You look like the “pretentious” asshole for asking them to be more nuanced and considerate. Especially when we are talking something with cultural or subcultural significance to a group of people most of the people joking about it don’t belong to. And maybe on an individual level memes are harmless and genuinely funny, but when in greater numbers this constant dismissal starts to feel dreadful, to the point where you feel reflexive hostility towards the meme bc oh my God can we fucking talk about something else? Ever?

it’s not fun to be obsessed with something people meme on or even obsess over for a singular facet. Just bc it’s something vaguely understood in cultural consciousness people will joke about it as if they have equal authority on what its about as you, someone who has dedicated days or weeks of your time studying this in its entirety and like I can’t entirely blame you for wanting to be included and not necessarily understanding the full span of this thing or my knowledge of it but a lot of people are actively resistant to learning more, they are literally just here for the sense of intellectualism or trendiness being able to dismissively meme about an intellectual or cool thing brings them, which ultimately serves the purpose of trivializing something you really like or at least something you wanted to dedicate your time towards understanding in a deeper capacity, and which had cultural significance for its place and time for a reason. And it’s like. I don’t need you to be Like Me, I don’t think having a more involved perspective of everything is always necessary or productive for everyone, but gdi does it suck when people talk past you about something they’ve engaged with far less than you and even get irritated by you being genuinly knowledgeable and enthusiastic about it, letting you know they don’t care and in fact are actively hostile towards caring. They want to wave the flag that says “I read the most popular book in high school, I listened to the most popular song, I am vaguely aware this important thing exists ” and presume suddenly this gives them equal authority as someone who read all the books or has listened to the musicians entire discography.

And it’s equally frustrating knowing what it’s like to be on the other end and trying not to be that pretentious nerd who is always like, fuckin, loyalty testing randos and shitting on them for only reading one adaptation of the thing or only liking a musicians most popular songs. Bc sometimes you engage w the totality of something a genuinely pretentious nerd insists you have to engage with before you’re allowed to talk. only to be like yeah it’s really not worth it, I genuinely just like the most popular installment and wish you hadn’t wasted my time with all that lol.

A lot of it just amounts to getting annoyed at childish behavior often from young people who don’t know any better, and are insecure, and project this insecurity by alluding to having greater knowledge of something and then cutting it down.and it’s not even a clear cut line between genuine appreciation from a fan who just makes the joke from time to time, and someone whose entire perspective of this thing is A Joke

[denkisauce]

📕

oo okay okay okay young eraser mic raising shinsou fic 😮😮😮😮 so it starts with aizawa in high school, hes gets switched into a new foster home and befriends this really cool girl that goes to a nearby school in the neighborhood. she has purple hair and she’s super sarcastic and has a telepathy quirk 👀👀 she can read surface thoughts and communicate back! they get along really well and one thing leads to another and they sleep together 🫢 this is shoutas first time and it leads to a panic that holy shit, he is not into girls and he freaks out and totally ghosts her which is not the best thing to do but he’s 16 and freaked the fuck out!!!!! he goes to his best friend yamada and this leads him to be like oh my god am in love with my best friend??

flash forward six years and him and hizashi are 22 and just started dating. it’s like three months in and new and fun and pretty casual. but then aizawa gets a phone call!!! a whole bomb dropped on him all at once 🫢 the girl, shinsou, was killed in a villain attack and her son is at the hospital. she had cut ties with her family and aizawas name was on his birth certificate so they called him. aizawa goes to the hospital and there is just!! a little purple haired six year old who looks just like him 🥺🥺 mama shinsou cut ties with her family bc they were all scared of shinsou when his quirk manifested and she wasn’t having any of that. she never reached out to aizawa bc he ghosted and she had a clue of what was going on and knew he wanted to be a hero and she didn’t want to mess up his chances. she believed in him!!! the hospital ask aizawa what he wants to do and there’s no way he’s letting this kid go into foster. he doesn’t really have family of his own to help him out but he’s a hero, and if he can’t save this kid then what’s the point?? so now he’s 22 with a six year old and a crappy apartment and he’s just like. um okay. he calls hizashi and is like. hey um can you pick me up from so and so hospital. i’m a dad. and hizashi is like???? but obviously comes to pick shouta up. hizashi is like thee definition of ride or die he’s like yooo whaddup little dude!! shouta is like WHAT AM I GONNA DO and they make the chaotic plan to just. raise a kid together. 3 months into a relationship and 22 let’s gooooo 🫠🫠🫠

they move in together because they’re doing this. right??? right. they’re both pretty broke so moving in together and combining their $$ and time is the best way to do this. coparenting okay. alright. at least they can sell one of their beds and furniture and shit to buy kids stuff because! wow yeah. fully living together after three months. right yeah. this wont take any getting used to. both super protective and love shinsou but i imagine it being absolute chaos!! just a story of two dudes who are suddenly dads and have NO idea what they're doing and theyre simultaneously raising a kid and figuring out their own relationship??? they’re like Not that good at parenting but also very good ykwim?? they’re like hey hizashi 6 yes old is old enough for coffee right? hey shouta idk what to do hitoshi keeps trying to play with knives and my hands are full im just gonna put him on the fridge for a while?? i’m sorry i couldn’t think of anything else. it’s 3 am and aizawa and shinsou are in blanket burritos watching jackass* mic walks in and is like “shouta…. I don’t think 6 years should be up this late?” “says who” mic takes shinsou places to take trendy pics for instagram. gets mad at shinsou for not being good at taking pictures “shinsou, daddy needs the right angles, try again!!!” agdjfjsjdj i just want a story about aizawa and present mic being so chaotic and falling in love while raising a kid and shinsou slowing coming out of his shell 🥺 also when he does get more comfortable he’s a MENACE

#okay wow that was long!!! #idk why this was the first idea i wanted to share its very random #not a main ship for me even i just like this idea 🥺 #but i have lots of ideas so send more asks! #idk maybe i can write and put up fics in short form bc i do actually write outlines a bunch #erasermic #present mic #eraserhead #aizawa shouta #erasermic family #yamada hizashi #shinsou hitoshi #hitoshi shinsou #my stuff

[orchidsangel]

ro i just need to tell you that i love your writing so much i literally explode everytime you post and i’m in love with you i think ! The way u write jason is literally how i want my dream man! I don’t even want men! he’s so scrumdiddlyumptious and i am so glad that i found yr writing Tbh

thank u for being The Jason Todd writer ever and i can’t wait to see what else u have in store :33!!!!

(also i think i have to hear what went down between mattel and mga that caused the downfall of bratz now!! ur making me curious with that one thing on ur sideblog ⁉️)

i really don't know what i've done to get so many kind messages from all these people, it kinda feels a little surreal like woah...u like me? i am in love with YOU for sending me this sweet n kind message like, should we get married now?

i am a man hater till the day i die, but i unfortunately am attracted to them :( too bad they fucking suck. ughhhh i've written him as my dream man too (accidentally set the bar too high for myself so fml) and i'm soooooooooo glad you find joy in my writing, it means the world to me, and i hope you continue to find joy in it <33

as for MATTEL v MGA...

(this is a really shit summary and all from memory so i could be wrong about some things but this is the general gist of what happened and i'll try to find a good article or video with much more accurate info)

basically in may of 2001, MGA entertainment released the original/main 4 bratz dolls, a group of four girls consisting of cloe, jade, yasmin, and sasha. bratz, similarly to barbie, was advertised towards young girls, but the biggest differences between the two doll lines were the diversity & the fashions. where barbie was typically shown with a pale complexion, blonde hair, and blue eyes; each original bratz girl was a different race. cloe was white, jade was asian, sasha was black, and yasmin was a bown hispanic. aside from the diversity of these four girlies, they were also dressed to the NINES !! head to toe in fashions that were unique and trendy for the time period, and to this day they absolutely devour like they're on moodboards for every fashion girlie and it's literally been 20+ years, like talk about longevity.

anyway, i'll skip most of the mumbo jumbo about their releases (even though i could literally give a list of my fave bratz lines of that era), but they became BIG, releasing literally hundreds of dolls and continuously expanding the ever-rotating list of side characters to go along on the core four adventures. some of the more notable releases are the ever iconic rock angelz dolls (my literal 4lyfers), pretty n punk (which came from that same movie), tokyo a go go, slumber party and nighty nite, etc., and aside from those dolls, they had movies, merch, electronics, albums, food, cosmetics, etc. like they were MASSIVE despite so much controversy surrounding them. sooooo massive that they surpassed barbie, and one thing mattel doesn't play about is fucking BARBIE (literally nerfed monster high bc they were gaining too much popularity, and that was THEIR brand).

here's where it all goes to shit. so naturally, when faced with a fierce competitor, mattel filed a lawsuit after discovering that carter bryant was involved in the creation of bratz. who is carter bryant? well, not only the creator of bratz but a FORMER MATTEL EMPLOYEE !!! and that's why shit hit the fan; mattels lawsuit was basically over the rights to bratz. their argument was that because bryant was employed under mattel at the time of his big idea, that bratz was technically mattels property. this legal battle lasts like literal ages, and there were a lot of layers to it that i can't really understand because legal jargon hurts my brain, but there's a book that goes into great detail called 'you don't own me' i believe. mattel won the lawsuit in 2008, and ownership of the bratz brand was to be handed over to them, but at some point between 2008 and 2010, mga took their case to the court of appeals and won, meaning they regained ownership. during all of that time bratz fashions had become less stylish, releases weren't as often, the hair was shit (but that was also cuz of mattel bc those fuckers play dirty), and overall the brand just wasn't the same. imo, the best way to see the decline in quality is to go to the lookin bratz site and see how different post-2009 releases were (and even then, some of those were...like cowgirlz was, imo, the last really good bratz line, but one could argue it was dance crewz)

they continued producing dolls through 2014, even creating their own version of monster high called bratzillaz (i should also mention that myscene was mattels version of bratz). then, in 2015, they completely rebooted the franchise with a new line titled 'hello my name is'. this line featured the original 4 girls plus a new girl named raya. and that whole...that entire thing was BAD to me, but some people like it.

anyway, there was never like a "real" downfall, but they had some pretty bad years lmao. they're back tho so we up!!!! i have a collection of fashion dolls, monster high, bratz, rainbow high, and hopefully barbies soon. literally my favorite collection (i have a lot)

#☆ messages from friends ☆

[x-h3kk3ning-x]

White parents: you are my child. You know nothing of racism. You are just following these youth trends, I did too back in my younger days.

Their kid: I'm 30, mom.

#am i wrong #you can replace this with any age #i put 30 bc i am 30 #and i know my family will not listen to me #bc they think i am trying to be young and trendy

[kithmet]

I think another contributing factor to how polarizing characterization takes can be in this fandom is how it can be so hard as an author to break into writing DNF and receive much acclaim for it, regardless of how good the writing is, if you do not either a) write the tropey stuff, the trendy AUs that the young ppl drool over or b) have the Twitter/Tumblr clique to drum up hype for longer, more considerately characterized works. Those are the 2 options. So good, new writers get iced out often.

Just as an example of what I mean, people love sftws, and rightly so bc it is incredible. But I know you probably had some fear over people thinking you were being a Sapnap anti at first, thus the reminder that it is a conflict driven work that will show people as flawed. I'm glad the response has been positive. But I've seen people who fawn over sftws in other writers' comment sections calling them antis for having conflict between dnf in their fics or not characterizing them as perfect people.

there's so much to say and unpack here i don't even know where to start. i have a lot of thoughts (mostly neutral opinions) on this. i did laugh at 'young people' and 'twitter/tumblr clique' though, that felt oddly pointed, lol.

first, yes, it's daunting to write in this fandom. even still, i get freaked posting, especially when i'm changing things up and taking a risk (see: sftws and everything there is about it). the sheer number of fics in the tag, the nature of the writing community -- there are a lot of pre-formed groups of writers, or even people well-known who take on writing and have a huge backing; it can be hard to start, and obviously there's the desire for validation that every writer on earth has inside them. seeing this and feeling envy is normal and natural.

my experience with writing in this fandom is very different from others, because at least for me, i wasn't initially a well-known writer. i just kind of came out nowhere and hoped for the best. these days i definitely have a good following, but when i started i was kind of throwing shit at a wall and hoping people would vibe with it, putting my everything into my work and crossing my fingers that people heard what i was trying to get across. it was only when i got boosted by other writers and readers that i gained attention and i am greatly thankful for it. but it's also why i try to put the same energy back into others -- when i read work that deserves being boosted, i share the hell out of it everywhere i can. i also didn't want to write tropey things, at least not at first, only wanted to write banter and everything floating up in my head (which was a lot of character analysis and development and ngl, porn, hence cagi and tbwdakq which are fics about essentially nothing, super simplistic concepts). i think passion and thoughtfulness are really obvious when i read someone's work. when i read something that is really meaningful, i can Tell the kind of person the writer is and i often befriend writers that i connect with and think are trying to do the same as me (i.e. put something Real into the world).

i don't think it's a fair assessment to say that people are being 'iced out' here; i actually think this writing community, as a whole, is very supportive and enjoys reading new stuff -- at least in my own experience -- and i try to be really supportive of new writers, especially underrated writers, and boost them to others. there are some things that i've read and didn't vibe with characterization-wise that did lead me to questioning interpretation and conclusions, but i also love reading stuff that pushes the boundaries. it's all about the nuance for me, and the evident consideration and care that a writer puts into their work. i hope that comes across when i write things and i try to make it clear, but maybe some people interpret some characterization choices and see it lacking thoughtfulness. i don't know, i don't speak for every reader alive. i will say though, i love reading characters as flawed, it's my favourite thing -- as long as their intentions are clear, there's in-character backing behind their words and decisions, etc. there also comes the hard truth, which is that no matter how good your work is, sometimes it just passes people by. this happens so much and even as a reader it frustrates me seeing some of my favourite fanworks not getting a billion kudos, lol.

i guess it's the way of writing fanfiction, but i will give you this last piece of advice: write for yourself, to make yourself proud, not to impress other people or for the statistics. it's what i promised myself before writing in any fandom, and i genuinely believe it's half the reason why i don't regret a single thing i've put into the world. i write for the love of the craft, not for the reception. though obviously, good reception is validating as fuck and really nice. hahaha

#this is very long but i just didn't know what to say #tl;dr i think your frustration is valid #but i also don't know if i agree with all of it #replies #anonymous

[tottymatsuno]

Pink Angel From Hell (Osomatsu-san: Todomatsu x Reader) Chapter One

Author: Roro (halfeviltotty)

Chapter One: First Meeting

Fandom: Osomatsu-san

Pairing: Todomatsu x reader

Category: character driven, romance, lovers to friends to lovers again, first love, host au

Rating: T for now

Summary: Would you risk it all for the bottom of the barrel at the host club or would you leave him there to rot?

Word count: It's long ig.

Warnings: hes an asshole and emotionally manipulative (AT FIRST) and the reader is very naive and a bird at first lol

Commentary: I'm not playin with yall this time watch this or do not say shit to me. bc tumblr is a bubblegum strung up piece of garbage im gonna have to reblog this with the videos theyre REQUIRED READING. I stole lines from it so if u have an issue with Tottys characterization take it up with the staff >:/ enjoy the character development or dont, im doing this for free

| Oneshots | All Fics | Multichapter Fics | Entire Series

Next Chapter to be uploaded soon.

Being a foreign exchange student is hard; you've been learning about the Japanese culture since you were young but nothing in your studies could've prepared you for the scene playing out in front of you. At Keigo after classes your new friends Chiyo, Eri, and Seiko have finally invited you somewhere that wasn't going out to get Josei manga and otomes. You definitely didn't want to seem rude or uppity so you quickly agreed to go to a host club with them. Since you've felt so indebted by their hospitality and kindness when helping you adjust to the culture it only made sense you'd be the designated driver. When you first walked in the whole thing seemed like a blur as the flashing lights, loud music and company of multiple good (and some average) looking men flocking to your table. The distracting lights burn your eyes and even though you couldn't trace its origin you swear you can see fog clouding your vision. The second you walked in you were surprised that anyone would want to stay for long in such a place. Talk about sensory overload. After the whole club cycled through your friends were stuck on stupid for an average looking duo. The two that stood out the most and who introduced themselves as twins. Karamatsu and Todomatsu.

Needless to say everyone except you were smitten with the men. At first you weren't really interested in either man but Karamatsu in particular was popular at your table. "Kyaa~, Kara-kun! You're so charming!" Seiko squealed while Chiyo hurriedly drank another beer when Karamatsu glanced her way. Of course the loud man noticed and attempted to monologue about it, "Hmph! Of course you would fall for me, my Karamatsu girls! It was enviable as I am a guilty man who exudes -!" "Ne, ne, Kara-kun what are you doing after this?" Eri asks cutting him off with her award winning smile. Eri's pretty popular at school and super down to earth so Karamatsu's probably grateful that your friend is flirting with him. With her girl next door aesthetic it'd be hard to turn her down. Now that you think about it all of your friends are super cute and charming! Chiyo has that whole chubby and shy thing going on with all of her adorable accessories, plus she's foreign born too so you both get along really well. Then there's Seiko who's super trendy in the 'geek-chic' sorta ways. Each one of them knows their niche and works it well. You sit there laughing quietly at your friends' antics with a fond gaze. You do notice in the corner of your eyes a largely forgotten Todomatsu keeps losing his nerve after attempting to jump in the conversation. It's because your friends are all trying to get into Karamatsu's bedazzled pants. At this point Todomatsu has now flirted with your girlfriends and with varying levels of success, but ultimately his older brother steals the show. "Hey…" You suddenly feel Todomatsu whisper closely to your ear. This entire night he hasn't paid close attention to you, maybe because you're not drinking alcohol or something. But whatever his reasoning is Todomatsu's regarded you with little to no flirtiness. Until right this second. You feel the goosebumps rise on the back if your neck as he sensually hums the word into your ear. "Look at me." He commands gently and you can't help but to whip your head around with eyes wide. It's like the music goes quiet, the lights soften and you're barely aware of your friends laughing as Todomatsu stares into your eyes warmly. You thought of him as girly and cute but you might’ve had him pegged wrong. This is when you fall for him. "Talk with me?" He asks sweetly, "I noticed you're not drinking with Karamatsu-niisan and the others? Are you not enjoying this?" Sweet and gentle are the words you would use to describe his voice. Your own vocal cords strain in your throat, he's so...so…! You can't even think. "Uh…" "Cute." Todomatsu props his cheek up with his closed palm as he peers into your infatuated eyes with his own looks of affection. Shitshitshit! Don't fall for him, you'll never see him again anyways! If you do you'll only be living in a sweet

fantasy. Mariah Carey be damned! "I'm okay with this, I think. I can't drink even if I wanted to. I'm driving everyone home." You wish you had a drink right about now to quench your thirst. Instead all you're thinking about is swallowing something else. NO!! What do you mean swallow something else?! What are you gonna do, PAY him for the privilege of putting his...Y'know…! In your mouth?! Your face is on fire and it doesn't go unnoticed. "Ehh, Y/N-chan? Are you thinking dirty thoughts? Your face is all red." Seiko asks before announcing to Karamatsu that she certainly is. Shut up!! Don't tease me! You think embarrassingly, wanting to curl up in a ball. "No…" You meekly say instead and cover up your face. Todomatsu laughs at you not mean spiritedly but in a casual and familiar type of way. Like an inside joke between two friends. He’s doing a really good job at making you feel a little bit more comfortable with this situation. "You have a car then? Maybe you can take me for a ride." Even you someone with little experience with guys knows what he means by that. You laugh awkwardly feeling the heat creep into your collar. “Y/N-chan! Take a picture with us!” Eri calls out to you interrupting your stilted conversation with Todomatsu with a flushed face. “Yeah, we wanna take a group picture with Kara-kun!” Seiko giggles out while Chiyo fiddles with her zipper trying to avoid looking at Karamatsu because she’s so shy. "Chiyo-chan get a little bit closer in the middle so everyone can fit." Seiko tugs her as you scramble to the other side of the table. “Ah, alright?” You try to situate yourself into the group and you catch Todomatsu looking very offended to say the least when Seiko hands her phone. “Please be careful, Totty-kun. Make sure you get Kara-kun in the picture.” You can’t help but notice the way his smile seems forced, and his twitching eye as everyone except you cheeses and hangs off of Karamatsu’s arms. After the picture Todomatsu flirts with you three times as hard during the short time you had left together. As if he’s afraid that his job depends on it...though that very well may be the case you think. "Why don't we drink something to loosen you up? It doesn't seem like we have much time left together." "Aha...I really wish I could but like I said before I'm driving." “You should come back later then,” Todomatsu suggests; you’re not used to all of this male attention so you swallow thickly when you hear the following words, “Alone next time.” You giggle nervously, “W-what do you mean?” Todomatsu scoots even closer, with graceful practice Todomatsu throws his arm around the seat and leans in as if he was going to kiss you. Instead he says, “I want to spend more time with you.” You explode with a tingly sensation that isn't foreign but never happened out in public. You subconsciously straighten your skirt out and close your slightly parted legs. This doesn't go unnoticed by Todomatsu whose eyes lingered but he chooses not to embarrass you further by bringing attention to your actions. Instead those big brown eyes trail up from your thighs and become half lidded and stare right into your soul. "You're so adorable, Y/N-chan.” "Y/N~ I'm so tiiired…! I'm ready to go home now…" Eri whines, stumbling to stand up out of her seat. "I'm going to the restroom." Chiyo finally speaks for the first time since arriving and nearly dies when Karamatsu addresses her with, "My dearest Karamatsu girl! Your voice sounds like a thousand songstresses in the choir of love! Let me hear the symphony of your sounds!" Chiyo literally runs away while Seiko and Eri drunkenly fawns over Karamatsu. You end up paying the bill with Seiko and Eri promising to pay you back since you're the only one with a credit card. Your knees buckle when you ask Todomatsu to let you out of the seat. Laughing nervously when you fall over to pay the tab for your inebriated friends. After another blur of interactions with your friends trying to say their last goodbyes to Karamatsu you stand there a little awkwardly. Todomatsu waits for you to

say bye first but you can't bring yourself to. Todomatsu watches you curiously but waits a moment with expectancy hanging heavy in the air then another passes without you doing anything Todomatsu covers his mouth and giggles to himself, "Y/N-chan~," He calls out to you. "Y-yeah?" Your voice squeaky and heart palpitating. Todomatsu takes your hand and puts something in it. As he holds your hand Todomatsu looks into your eyes and asks, "Will I see you again?" "Yes…" You dreamily sigh out before you could think about it. "Bye bye for now then." Todomatsu brings his lips to your fingertips and gently kisses your knuckles. Todomatsu leaves much quicker than you thought he would you would've loved to linger and watch him retreat back into the club but Chiyo gets back from the toilet and demands to leave before she dies. You stand there stunned until Eri begins to gently shove you through the door.

#osomatsu san #ososan #totty #matsuno todomatsu/reader #todomatsu x reader #todomatsu x si #multichapter ososan fic #pink angel fic #pink angel fic ch1

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Actually i don't get Reki at all. Like even in the first ep he was worse even than Shadow and i'm not talking abt Cherry, Joe and Adam. And he was ok and loved skating. But like... if your friend is better than you, then you get depressed and making your friend feel guilty abt you not being good enough? I didn't even ship Reki and Langa, they are just giving me only friendship vibes, but i'm still sad, wtf writers did with his character?

Yeah, same. Like, sorry, I just don’t think Reki’s character can be redeemed for me personaly at this point.  

Like what should I even stand for in his character? I do not respect his life position at all. Like I dislike Makoto for being a shadow and not wanting anything in his life, but hey, at least he’s genuinely happy for Haru’s success. I adore Rin who never gave up and dove into the hardest challenge possible from the start to get on Haru’s level, cause he wanted to swim with him for the rest of his life and he got there. And then there’s this..  it’s like.. he loves to skate, but apparently not enough, cause his doesn’t want it, if he isn’t the best at it, so he’d rather... not skate at all? He wants to be as cool and on the same level with “naturally talented ones” and wants to compete with Langa, but he doesn’t want to do anything for it or search for his own unique style or smth to beat them in another way? And on top of that he’s also sad about seeing Langa succeeding? The whole thing is... like.. no, thank you?

Like are they really gonna go with the “you made me want to be great at this like you, but if only you are great at this, than screw both you and this?” lolz. Even if they will go with the psychological block bc of his friend’s injury, it’s gonna be lousy af now. It’s like is there even a route left which could make him look...ahem... presentable at this point? Idk.

I also was right about the fact that he’s the type who prolongs the whining instead of doing things, unlike some other characters who were in his position too; realistic maybe he is, but I don’t want it, honestly, like I see such things every day and I do not like it.

From what I’ve seen in the tag some are already trying to apply here like 50 mental disorders to excuse him and stuff like “it’s realistic” and at this point I’m honestly used to people on the internet using mental disorders not for spreading awareness, but bc they’re thinking it’s “trendy”, which is a cringe galore and shame on you. But it still makes me kinda sad all the time. Also there’s nothing unrealistic about not giving up and getting where you want, it’s just harder for, to say, “ordinary” people, that’s why most rarely choose this option (although it’s for you to decide if you’re ordinary or not, cause everyone can be extraordinary, you just need to find it in you). Anyways, drowning in a self pity is not the trait I’ve ever found appealing in people, along with the constant comparing yourself to others.

Sadly many prefer to use these excuses to get out of everything along with being lazy or jealous, esp the young generation. At this point, it’s like the same thing as with this other fandom. Like, sometimes when someone is trying to hit someone because he saw that he’s more talented than him, that just means that he’s an asshole, there’s no need to come up with ridiculous excuses to justify this and try to make him a hero. And sometimes ppl are just jealous, as simple as that. And no, not everyone is like that. At this point ppl on social media are like... fuck your hard-working characters, who are inspired by talent and do not give up on trying to prove yourself even if the whole world is against them. Let’s promote being emo and how it’s okay to spend your life on walking around telling everyone how you’re a useless trash, like this will help you in life.

Also if seeing someone succeed, esp your best friend, makes you sad, might want to reconsider the way of living your life. Just saying.

Also since when you have to be the best just to enjoy doing what you love doing? I’m like... personaly I do not get it. Looking at my vids 10 years ago they look like utter trash, but I tried and tried and yeah, I might not reach some levels of mega talented ppl, but hey, I’m still trying and searching for stuff I can improve all the time and watch talented ppl tutorials like “holy fuck, you can do that?”.

But hey, at least he doesn’t want to only make boards, he wants to compete... (or does he? I’m honestly not sure at this point lol)... I mean, there’s... that. but I thought, when he’s gonna realize it, he’s gonna be back on track, but n.o. xD back to self pity. ok then. Some go like “its only been 3 episodes” and I’m like “this... ain’t a 24 episodes anime tho..(?)”.

So far I’m just confused about what are writers intentions with some characters are. Like the most interesting ones at least for me are technically a background for some reason idk. I was literally sad about the wasted amount of screentime on Reki being.. well, nothing new.

Sad part about this is that people like this also need a constant reassuring to the point of them just sucking your life out of you, too, so I honestly do not know how to deal with this life position. Ppl like this have a tendency to never be happy, so Langa would just have to run after him and feed him with compliments for the rest of his life to water his tiny self-esteem or say smth “don’t give up, don’t give up, fighting”? It’s like... well, ok. Friendship, yeah, but ship? Nah, not for me. Also I do not smell any huge romance there tbh, and from Reki’s side this is all just a mess tbh.

The saddest part was that he saw that Langa won after his yelling and he didn’t care for that. Like Rin was mopping bc he wanted to swim with Haru, so when he saw that Haru wanted to swim with him, too, that was it for him. And that’s the problem all the viewers who watched Free! got hit with while watching this. My DMs are literally all about “why do I not feel anything about them?” or “sometimes cute, but smth doesn’t hit me shipping wise”. Cause I think most expected for some reason that he would also put Langa first, but at the end, they’re not on the same track, bc their priorities are different.

I actually think it was just mistake for all of our Free! hommies including me to go at it from the wrong point of view and from the beginning expecting it shipping wise to be like that one other Utsumi’s work. I mean, she’s just a director there, not also on the storyboard or anything else. Should’ve gone watching it with a clear head. The main ship just does not hit any spots for me either. And my heart does not lie there at all. I do blame Free! for this, cause it’s like impossible to compare bc of those our scenes, I keep seeing, but at the same time, they do not hold up not to the dynamic, not to anything at this point. Like I do not know where they’re going with them, but this is just not my type of a ship in general and definitely not the one I can go crazy about. I honestly do not think 3 episodes can change that. It’s says a lot if at this point I do not even care much for their reconciliation, I’m like.. tell me about the seniors’ drama tho xD So I’ll stick with my side ships.

Also, unrelated to the question, but did Adam seriously just went and hit Cherry with a board in the face?!!!! (THE FUCK DUDE?) Like, this was definitely not how I thought this was gonna go. I also kinda felt like Cherry was in love with Adam in the past. All in all this was like a... strange episode, at this point I just feel sorry for my baby Langa, Joe and Cherry were very cute (esp at the end) and my god Cherry is hot, but like I also want something complex pls, so idk I’m  still waiting for the Adam/Tadashi shananigans.

At this point I’m like “I love watching this, but what am I watching?” haha supernatural skating soup opera it is then. 

Also I just love Langa my dude, my man. How he’s such a puppy in real life, but so freaking hot when he skates??!!! T_T 

#answered #anonymous #sk8 #sk8 the infinity

[ofcmckenna]

new york’s very own mckenna asher was spotted on broadway street in jimmy choo romy pumps . your resemblance to taylor hill is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-first birthday bash . while living in nyc ,  you’ve been labeled as being materialistic , but also devoted . i guess being a taurus explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be wrists covered in makeup swatches , a perfectly blended halo eye ,  and never being seen without perfectly manicured nails . ( i once made a fake account to expose information about myself just to get more followers ) & ( cis-female & she / her  )  +  ( lia , 19 , she / her , cst . )

hello , loves ! it’s me , lia ( i also play margo ) back again with another trash child that i’m hoping you’ll all love as much as i do <33 i first came up w kenna many years ago and haven’t had the opportunity to write for her in a long long time , so i’m really excited to bring her here ! as always , if you wanna plot go ahead and LIKE THIS and i’ll happily come love you down . if discord is more your jam , hmu there too @ 𝐛𝐛𝐧𝐨$𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥#1904 . love y’all !!! 💕💓💕

S T A T S ↴

-- * FULL NAME : mckenna sophia asher -- * NICKNAME(S) : kenna ( preferred name ), kenny , ken , mick -- * AGE : twenty-one -- * D.O.B : may 10th -- * ZODIAC : taurus -- * GENDER : cis-female -- * ORIENTATION : bisexual biromantic -- * HEIGHT : 5″7 -- * NATIONALITY : american ( has dual citizenship in america and wales ) -- * BIRTHPLACE : colwyn bay , wales -- * OCCUPATION : youtuber / makeup artist -- * TRAITS : devoted , ambitious , hard-working , materialistic , stubborn , patient , sensual , reliable , organized , possessive , imbalanced , attention-seeking

B I O G R A P H Y ↴

honestly i am........ too lazy to make this a nice bio so plz forgive me for settling on bullet points ,, but at least that’s less reading for you !!!!

mckenna’s father is from wales and works as a plastic surgeon for the rich and fabulous and her mother is from new york and works a beautician and stylist for celebrities . together they had 5 children in total , the kid in the very middle being kenna . the family spent most of her childhood living in wales before moving to new york just before mckenna started high school

all of her siblings are really talented . it must be in their genes or something to have an affinity for the arts . her older brother is in a popular band . her older sister is a principal dancer . her younger sister is an incredible painter . and her younger brother is like six so he’s still coming into his own but there’s no doubt that he’ll be a prodigy at something

and what about mckenna ??? well she tried following in her brother’s footsteps by learning a bunch of instruments but none of them clicked . after that she tried to take dance classes with her sister but it was clear to see that she had two-left feet . she could barely draw a perfect circle , so painting like her younger sister was out of the question too . eventually she tried to pursue an acting career , auditioning for tv shows and movies but never booking anything more than a handful of commercials

so she spent a majority of her life feeling pretty inadequate compared to her siblings . she just wanted to be good at something , anything really . and she wanted to be praised for it . luckily , she eventually found her thing . though it was sorta unconventional : kenna figured out that she’s good at makeup . it’s basically an art form in itself and since she had the time on her hands to practice , she got pretty good at it

she started posting her looks on social media , gaining a little bit of attention on her instagram and later even starting a youtube channel ( at the time it was called pinkglitter2234 bc she was like 13 and cringey ). doing makeup and making youtube videos was her new favorite pass time and pretty much all she did throughout high school . kids in her school started recognizing her as “the the girl who talks funny and makes youtube videos” ,, so that’s pretty cool ig

it really wasn’t until her senior year that her channel gained a serious following . by the time she graduated she worked her way up to 1m subscribers and just a few hundred thousand away from having 1m on instagram too . CRAZY . and since youtube had become a serious job to her that she wanted to continue doing , she figured that she’d take a gap year off just to focus on that and building her personal brand . so she moved out and got an apartment in the city , paid for all by herself ( though mommy and daddy’s money certainly helped furnish it with all her lavish stuff ) and got to WORK

that ONE gap year turned into a gap... three years ??? she never applied to university and honestly she doesn’t plan to anytime soon ! her social media career has never been more poppin’ tbh . she has like over 8m subscribers on her main channel ( now called makeupmckenna ) and just a little bit under that on her vlog channel . she’s had various partnerships with different makeup brands , colourpopcosmetics , morphe , and lancôme just to name a few . on her channel she also does fashion / styling videos , which has gained her attention from several brands that have sent her pieces to promote and invited her to see their shows at fashion week and whatnot . big money moves basically !!

okay now for her secret : basically ,, kenna is hard-working don’t get me wrong , but she’s also obsessed with increasing her following and is willing to do anything if it means signal boosting herself and becoming more successful . so basically , at one point she made a fake account that posed as one of her “haters” “exposing” her-- and since no publicity is bad publicity , it got more people talking about her and following her . she even made a sob story youtube video in response to the “hate” she was getting and the rumours that were sparking because of it . the account has since been deleted but that doesn’t mean that the screenshots of the rumours aren’t still circulating the internet . it’s been a few years since the “scandal” but that doesn’t mean that it still doesn’t get talked about from time to time

P E R S O N A L I T Y  &  F U N  F A C T S ↴

personality-wise : kenna is a sweetheart ! at least on the outside ! like she lowkey has selfish motives sometimes when it comes to gaining online popularity , but outside of social media she is genuine and goofy and a good friend i swear . would give you the designer clothes off her back if you’re close to her . also affectionate because she’s from a big family that actually has a healthy relationship with each other ( minus kenna’s minor jealousy she used to harbor as a kid... she’s kinda grown out of it now as a young-adult who’s successful in her own right ) so she loves to love . super materialistic though . loves shiny things and owning the newest trendy stuff . definitely thinks that money can buy happiness and she’s super stubborn so you cannot convince her otherwise . loves attention , will do just about anything to get it but if it doesn’t fit her “pristine girl next door” image then she’ll have to do it in secret . and since she has made a name for herself as being “innocent” , she doesn’t party too much . just not a big fan of that lifestyle

just bc she never went to college DOES NOT MEAN that my girl is dumb  .. she actually likes to keep learning new things by constantly reading and trying out new skills . she’s v much a jack of all trades but a master at none . minus her ability to beat her face and talk to a camera lol

she’s fluent in both english and welsh , and used to have an accent when she was younger but has since taught herself to sound super american . she thinks it makes her more appealing idk

very family orientated and keeps in close contact with her siblings and parents despite the fact that they live all around the world doing their own things

has collabed with loads of famous peeps not just for youtube videos but getting to do their makeup for gigs . she’s gotten to a point in her career where she’s able to bridge the gap between influencer and professional artist y’know what i mean ??

loves dogs . has a dog named tate who frequently makes appearances in her posts :)))

consumes an unhealthy amount of caffeine daily

doesn’t know how to drive . doesn’t even have a license or anything and who knows if she’ll ever learn tbh

she’s bisexual but has only come out to her close friends and family . hasn’t outwardly said anything to her following but they can probably make assumptions considering who she’s been seen getting close to . like it’s not a big deal to her , she likes who she likes , but also doesn’t think it’s anyone else’s business besides whoever she’s dating / sleeping with at the time

W A N T E D  C O N N E C T I O N S ↴

EDIT : i have in fact made a wc page so peep that here if ya want ! xox

#wealthyhq:intro #oh yes MA'AM we are in business now #plz plot w my baby i'll love you forever

[beigebees]

I wanna ask,, all the things from the Hozier thing but that would be too long SO Foreigners God and Shrike

whelp seeing as self isolation has me mega bored I might as well answer them all !! I can’t find the original ask post though so I found a new one !! thank u for asking these r keeping me busy !!

I’m a thirsty bitch - what do you yearn for?

I yearn to spend my evenings sat on a quiet berlin underground train and wearing brown blazers and reading german glamour magazines

i will use these powers, for evil - if you could have any kind of superpower, what would your first action be?

invisibility and I’d get an mi6 spy job

suffer my carefree bops, planet earth - do you think there are more positive or more negative things in this world? Why?

I think everything in the world has positives and negatives, but more people choose to interpret things negatively, especially here in england where we’re kinda raised to look on the dark side lol

what dreams may come when we twerked off this mortal coil - what trend brings you joy and why?

I love blazers idk they’re kinda becoming trendy aren’t they ?!? also I’m sure if I had a switch then animal crossing would bring me a lot of joy

recognising them as the sovereign heralds they are, my dog rushes to me on hearing the words `nom nom` - what absurd nicknames (would or does) your pet(s) have?

my dogs called badger but I call him dog

phone is being real judgy today - do you like living in this generation? Why (not)? Which generation would you prefer?

not really I feel like this generation is far too technology driven and it feels like a lot of people are trying to grow up too fast - I would’ve liked to have turned 18 in the 80s I think that would be fun

perilous mistake - what is humankind’s greatest sin in you eyes? 

humankind doesn’t commit sins everyone’s an individual everyone has their individual faults there’s not one thing that humankind has collectively done that’s inherently bad or good

hurtling skinless into your dms - with who (dead or alive) would you like to spend an evening? What would you do?

my best friends I’m missing them in isolation :((

jump yourself. into that flipping sea. before summer leaves us - name something you like about each season and why

autumn - berlin season babyyyy also cinnamon

winter - ???? I don’t like her but christmas and my bday are good

spring - easter whoop whoop chocolate season

summer - warm :”””””)))))

World domination is bones - describe your day if you were to obtain world domination for 24 hours

oh lord I’d get rlly overwhelmed then like ,,, change the world national anthem to my favourite song??

toxic has always been (will always be) banger my friend. A banger. - if you could make one song nr 1 of the Charts right now, which one would you choose and why?

about love by marina give my gal some recognition pls

little Ho Peep - what would your drag name be?

elijah wood ;) (the winky face would b part of the name)

your hair would make my hair its bitch - name your most prominent feature and what you like about it

my hair is mega curly so that’s probs most prominent but also my teeth r cool bc they’re wonky

give me a chance to let you down - have you ever been let down by anyone/ anything? How did you overcome it?

course I have I just have dreams about getting in fights w them then I feel better in the morning

I am a panderer. an absolute pedlar of muck - what item in your life could you never sell? Why does it have so much emotional value?

piglet he’s my stuffed animal I got him at disneyland when I was 3 and he’s been my no1 ever since

I didn’t know what a man bun was until people started asking me about my man bun -  do you feel young or old?

so so young I’m 18 but I’m mentally like,,, 12 at a push

Hope some men show their boobies too - describe your go to fashion choice

depends how I’m feeling ,, day to day is brown dress trousers, floral shirt, brown docs ghibli socks ,, going out is a dress, chunky platform heels, big brown scarf, lots o makeup rlly loud eyeshadow

That was her best effort of drowning me - who do you describe as family? And what makes them so special?

my best friends I love them sm

I’d take that love harem. I’d be the bastard child of that strange sexual union - if you were to choose a celebrity as a parent, who would you choose?

hugh grant bc my mum wants to marry him

One of the few things that make life very worth living is loving somebody. Or being loved. coffee, chocolate and sex are also very, very enjoyable - what makes your life very worth living?

breakfast??? I get up in the morning for breakfast

just a for the fuck of it - give a ted talk on a topic of your choice

uhhhh ?? stop being mean to toads ?? they have good morals and they like to exist just as much as frogs do

#elizaanswers #hozier #hozier asks #asks #ask meme

[funkyfatbabe]

i really wanted to do this makeup questionnaire!! you could say i was tagged by @cacupid (but not really dshjka) so here i am 🥰🥰🥰

What foundation/concealer do you use? 

currently i dont use a concealer bc i havent found one i like and i feel like concealer generally looks a bit cakey on me since i like light coverage, but i use the Too Faced Born this Way Foundation in the shades snow and cloud (mixed together) although i’m thinking of looking into the new Fenty Pro Filt’r Hydrating Longwear Foundation since I know they have my shade (tried the matte formula) and I would rather support Fenty than Too Faced! Not gonna try it till ive used up all of my BTW though 🥰

What do you think of fake eyelashes?

i think they can look super pretty! but i also dont like using them myself bc i have deepset eyes and they generally cover all my eyeshadow ! i will use them if im doing a campy / editorial sort of look but im so bad at applying them its barely worth it sometimes fhadsjfak 

What makeup tools do you use in makeup application?

I use mainly a brush set i got from BH cosmetics which are great quality as well as some Ecotools brushes i got from Coles. i also use a cheap makeup sponge i got from kmart bc it does the job and its ridiculous to spend $30 on a sponge that is no different than cheaper sponges!! 

What makeup do you currently wear every day?

i don’t wear makeup everyday but when i do and its not like a ~special~ look i generally use no primer (besides moisturiser), the foundation I mentioned set with my Australis HD Translucent Loose Setting Powder which I’ve only just started using and i like it so far, really finely milled! for my brows i use my Rimmel Wonder’full Brow Gel in 003 Dark Brown since it darkens my brows perfectly bc if I do it too much I look like a neanderthal lmao (love that deep set eye prominent brow bone combo). For eye shadow I generally use my Anastasia Beverly Hills Norvina palette or my BH Cosmetics Love Signs palette followed by my Elf H2O Proof Eyeliner Pen (not the greatest eyeliner but since i only do wings and dont fully line my eye it works for me!) I then curl my lashes and apply the Benefit Roller Lash Mascara (the sample sizes last so long). If I’m doing blush it’ll be my Revlon Insta Blush Stick in Nude Kiss or Maybelline Fit Me blush in Rose! Finally i’ll generally use one of my NYX Soft Matte Lip Creams since I find them super comfy and set with Morphe Continuous Setting Mist!!

What do you think of makeup?

I enjoy makeup as a way to express myself creatively since i suck at traditional art lol but i also think it can be dangerous and that the current insta glam makeup that is trendy now is dangerous - no one can look that perfect!!! i also think it fosters self esteem issues with much of the marketing bc thats how they make money, by shaming people!! i also hate when im expected to wear makeup i think its a problem when it gets to that point where someone has literal anxiety about being bare faced, like it can really be traumatic ! also the trend of having tons of makeup i mean that shits expensive and you really dont need that much, it shouldnt be normalised AGH. i also hate how a lot of brands sexualise their products which theyre promoting to young girls !! its disgusting!!! dont call your mascara better than sex or your blush orgasm i get so heated over this, they shouldnt think to use makeup to make them ~sexy~ theyre young girls this makeup makes them look like theyre in their 20s they shouldnt be worrying about their appearance in this way theyre kids AGH

  What cosmetic products have you always wanted to try but still haven’t?

I really wanna try some colourpop products, nothing in particular but i hear their quality is great for the price and if that doesnt draw me in idk what does!

How often do you shop for makeup?

not very often, i usually buy makeup if i need to replace a staple in my routine, or if i see a palette i really like and am in the financial position to buy it / can’t dupe it with my current collection

Who are your favorite bloggers/vloggers?

i LOVE Smokey Glow and Nisipisa, they’re great if youre looking into makeup with a critical anti-consumerism eye

Do you like multifunctional products like lip and cheek stains?

yes! i use my cream blushes for lip stains sometimes and they look very nice 

Do you subscribe to any beauty boxes?

nope! idk if there are any in australia and id rather just buy stuff i want than buy random things that i might not even like

Favourite recent beauty buy?

probably my Sugarpill Fun Size palette! the colours are so unique, but i was rly disappointed in the shade Twitch it under-performed compared to the rest :(

All-time favourite beauty item?

probably my BTW Foundation bc it was the only foundation I’ve ever used that doesn’t sink into my pores and cling to my dry patches

Any beauty brands you won’t support?

Jeffree Star Cosmetics, Kat Von D, Kylie Cosmetics, KKW Beauty, most influencer brands, Huda Beauty, Limecrime, Morphe (when I finish my setting mist I won’t be buying again)

I tag anyone who wants to do this! i dont really know anyone on here so just go for it  💖 sorry that this doesnt make heaps of sense i struggled putting my thoughts into words haha

#ari talks #makeup #makeup culture

[gotatext]

PREFERRED NAME — nora. i think i started going by it in like, 2009?? my full name is eleanor but i hated it n thought it was way too pretentious n i never felt like it fitted me so when i started writing on forums i decided i’d be a nora rather than eleanor and then my school friends called me it and it just kinda stuck, the only person who calls me eleanor is my mum

PRONOUNS — she / her / ethereal being beyond comprehension

AGE — 23 but i tell everyone im 21 because even tho time is literally fake im desperately clinging to that fleeting thing we call youth trying to catch it like smoke in my hands

PINTEREST — i actually have two. this one is my main one where i just cram all my shit n i’ve had it for years and some of its super unorganised. then i also have this one which is one i made for exclusively female characters. it started as mythological figures but now its like, women in literature and the occasional oc as well. variety is the spice of life!

DISCORD — lindsay lohan’s meth#8664

TUMBLR (PERSONAL/MUSE/RPH) — i used to be froseths but now im pvrscphones cos ya gal is a fucking whore for mythology 

OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — oi oi guvna ere’s me twitta. also here’s my letterboxd n my goodreads if anyone still uses tht

MYER-BRIGGS — enfp / infp border .... the classic profile of a lit student

HP HOUSE — hufflepuff, am fuckin mad. 

ZODIAC — libra which is a joke because i am in no way balanced but i guess i AM indecisive and a peacekeeper so?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — i believe it when it says good shits gonna happen in my life and blame it if bad shit happens but i don’t strongly follow it i just find it interesting

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — maybe like 14?? my first rp blog here is literally so embarassing i wrote as clove from the hunger games n my best friend irl wrote cato :/ it was wild

WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — like 9 years ago?? 2010 maybs

NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — me n my friend ellie made this really cool group the summer before we left for uni which was loosely based on a concept mentioned mayb once in the divergent series, but it gave us loads of freedom to make it our own thing. it was called the fringe n it was like..... this dystopian society where people with different genes were cut off from the rest of society n lived in overrun slum cities where different groups had like, a monopoly over weapons, produce, etc.... my character jack was the leader of this lost-boy-esque tribe called the wolf pack who were hunters n used to run across the rooftops wearing the skins of animals they’d killed and engage in tribal rituals with sacrifices to the gods n shit. sounds lame but everyone there was so invested in their character arcs that it was a shame to see it go. but ! it kind of reached its end point so we blew it up w nukes n they all died. tragic.

WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — a fox?? do ppl keep foxes? idk i’ve always just felt a sense of connection w them like when a fox stares at me im like this shit is life i am living and breathing in this bitch.... visceral

NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — everbody party tonight by cobra man n summer girl by haim..... not my usual stuff but big summer chillin vibes,.....

NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — lord of the flies and also the handmaid’s tale. one of assignments was to write a chapter from another character’s perspective n i chose moira

NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — skellig. fuck off with ur asprin ugly bat man i don’t care. also of mice and men. don’t care about the rabbits or curley’s goddamn wife.

WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? — im not a big binger bc i find it jst makes me depressed if i watch tv all day but im nearly finished stranger things season 3 n i recently finished euphoria (big rec but proceed w caution as quite triggering content)

FAVOURITE QUOTE — cool girl speech from gone girl. but also “there’s something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls” i know its like.... such an overused quote but it really encapsulates this kind of feral girlhood that a few of my characters like bridget n greta have tapped into. i also loved the line “i feel like i could eat the world raw” from song of achilles, that really captures this kind of.... pure n childlike enthusiasm tht i wanna achieve w rory 

LINK TO A VINE THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — this is my energy completely am always covered in glitter n staring broodily out of the windows of ubers at 4am like im in the sad bit of an indie film 

DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — uhh.... not as much as i shd.... i want to be a writer so i shd be makin some effort to get my stuff Out Into The World but im just not.... lol. ive done a lot of poetry collections . i wnt to finish a novel @ some point too.

THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL TRUST — bold of you to assume i trust any youtubers

A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — id literally die for saoirse ronan n timothee chalamet :/ chance perdomo also owns my ass. 

EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — i once high-fived dani harmer, the actress who played tracy beaker. today my sister text me tryin to make me guess what celebrity she just saw on holiday in wales and for ages she let me think it was timmothee but it was actually bradley walsh from the chase :/

WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — i am in a bomb ass crop top and mini skirt, several scrunchies in my hair, glitter all over my face, wearing cowboy boots. we eat dinner in a trendy but affordable pub that doubles up as a cocktail bar n then we drink zombies or sex on the beaches n go to a rave where everyone is on the same wavelength n i share drugs with girls in the toilets and we swap numbers knowing we will never text each other but its ok bc in that moment we feel like we are soulmates and everyone is super drunk n touching everyone else n its all very visceral and we walk through the woods when the rave ends and lie in the grass because we wish to suck out all the marrow of life 

A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — princess diana was murdered 

ARE ALIENS REAL? — maybe the real aliens are the friends we made along the way

PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — love island game im addicted and way too invested in my fictional relationship with bobby, a cartoon

WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — bold of u to assume i remember my childhood. but if we’re talking last 10 years angust, thongs n perfect snogging is so so cringe 

DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — pairs of glasses belonging to other ppl when they break / get new ones even though i can see perfectly well. 

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — mythology...... always a craving and a wish i’d read like ancient texts but my school wasn’t good enough to do greek or latin or any of that shit n even tho i could read english translations i cant be bothered. also criminal psychology

THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — italian, french and latin

MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — ladybird, about time, angus thongs, shrek 2, what we do in the shadows, the history boys, atonement, coraline, the breakfast club, ferris bueller’s day off

NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — cecilia lisbon. rue in euphoria. alison brie in glow. adam parrish in the raven cycle. richard papen. olivia cooke’s character in thoroughbreds. allen ginsberg in kill your darlings. lily in sex education. holliday grainger’s character in the film animals --- i too am an aspiring writer who never writes and just gets drunk instead .

DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — no. cba

HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — i go to the movies basically every day bcos i work in a cinema. im also a voracious reader n i occasionally do theatre or costume making

PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — where the wild things are (film by spike jonze).  animals. beats. the book fen by daisy johnson and a girl is a half formed thing by eimar mcbride. andy warhol’s biography from a to b and back again

WHOSE BRAIN WOULD YOU LIKE TO PICK, ALIVE OR DEAD? — phoebe waller-bridge on how i get her life. carey mulligan on how she got to be such a good actress n how i can become her. maybs wes anderson. maybs gillian flynn. i tend to listen to podcasts w the ppl i really wanna pick the brains of.

TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? — edward :/

LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — blinded by the light n i lovd it

DO YOU STILL READ? — when i finished uni i kinda got out of the habit but this week i finished two books so ive set myself the challenge of a book a week.

IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? — i finished song of achilles yesterday n i also finished call me by your name yesterday. started circe by madeline miller today, im also partway through milkman by anna burns and the plays of annie barker

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – 3 i didnt hate it bcos at heart i am self-indulgent and love fashioning some sense of self when i feel lost in a world that is scary and constantly changing 

#wshedtask002

[canimal]

I wanted to write a time travel fanfic and about Evan Rosier/Hermione Granger as a main pairing but... I'm stuck. I didn't choose the most redeemable character (Rosier was killed by Moody after a magical fight) and it's complicated bc how Hermione can fall in love with someone like Evan no matter how charming and smart he is ? How did you deal with that (Hermione, Death Eater and their ideology) ? All I can see is something like Jaime/Brienne (GoT) and a very slow burn. But it still feel wrong.

(Please bear with me as this is going to be a super long response.  I’ll put it underneath the cut so those who want to read it can read it and those who want to scroll past it can do so quickly.)

To be perfectly honest, if a story feels “wrong”, you shouldn’t be writing it.  Trying to force something that you don’t feel comfortable writing and don't fully believe in will not only make for a story that feels forced and unnatural to the reader, but it will also become a story that you will not enjoy writing.  (Never forget that this is our hobby, not our job.). Eventually, you would likely hit a wall where the story was unable to progress further and you’d be stuck.  Lots of writers try to write a story with certain elements or pairings that are “trendy” and end up stuck because they forced a story.  Writing should flow fairly smoothly.  I’m not saying that writers should never stumble or feel blocked, but I am saying that if you’re not allowing a story to remain organic and grow naturally, you will find you quality and likely your own enthusiasm and enjoyment in writing the story suffer.

Why do you want to write a story with Evan Rosier?  Is it because you find his character fascinating or you want to uncover more about him?  Or is it because he’s not a character that’s written about a lot and you’re hoping to stand out in a growing sea of Death Eater stories?  

I promise I’m not trying to be rude or condescending, even if it seems like it.  This is an honest question.  If your answer is on the first couple, awesome.  Go for it.  

But, if you’re hoping writing about him will get you instant recognition and a large number of followers on your story immediately, I’m sorry to tell you that that probably won’t happen.  Most readers don’t want to take a chance on unknown characters.  They just don’t.  I’ve mentioned this many times, but when I first started writing Thorfinn Rowle as more than just a one-dimensional bad guy in the background in first, The Dark Mage’s Captive and then Parolee and His Princess, I frequently got PMs and reviews asking me who the fuck Thorfinn Rowle even was and that I might actually get more people to read my stories if I didn’t write such weird pairings. 🙄 (Let’s not forget the troll who commented “This should’ve been a Dramione” on literally every single chapter at least twice.  Sigh.) So it’s both amusing and incredibly frustrating to have readers in the fandom announce that Thormione is their OTP when most of them wouldn’t have given my stories the time of day when I was writing them and they were the ONLY Thorfinn stories in existence on FFN for certain and probably everywhere else.  Because so few people were interested in reading a story with Thorfinn as the main love interest when I was actually writing Parolee and His Princess, if I was only writing the story in an attempt to stand out and not because that was the story I wanted to write, then I likely would’ve gotten frustrated and quit before I ever finished.

So, if you’re serious about writing an Evan Rosier story because it’s what you want to write, I wish you the best of luck.  It’s always challenging to write a character with little to no background info in canon.  Challenging can also be a great deal of fun.  If we never challenge ourselves as writers, we won’t ever get any better.  Writers must be willing to learn and try new things if they want to get better.  Practice is crucial.  Too many writers (professional and otherwise) get to a place where they don’t believe they need to improve and their writing gets stagnant.  It’s sad.

Now to your question about how or why Hermione might fall in love with someone with such a different and dangerous ideology... there are many different ways this can be tackled.  I must stress thought that you make sure the decision you make makes sense within your story.  Don’t try to force something.  Let it grow naturally.

First of all, I don’t believe anyone is unredeemable.  (Or irredeemable. Same meaning, right?) Perhaps it’s because of my own personal faith and religious beliefs, but I don’t believe anyone is wholly evil or wholly good.  Yes, even in this hyper-partisan world we now live in, I don’t believe that anyone (even those who might disagree with me) are pure evil.  This has actually gotten me a lot of grief from angry trolls and super sensitive former readers alike.  I’ve been accused of being an “apologist” for all manner of depravity including, but not limited to, rape, violence, murder, racism, all the bad things ever, etc. simply because I believe that no is unredeemable... irredeemable.  Ugh, whatever.  You know what I mean.  

Everyone has good qualities in them, even those who appear to be nothing but evil.  Far fewer good qualities than most certainly, but still there.  I’m also a firm believer that people, even really bad people, can have an existential change of heart and want to be a better person.  Many just have to be given the opportunity to change.  Of course, I don’t believe that they shouldn’t be punished for their crimes or they should be excused just because there’s something good about them.  I’ll never understand why I’ve been accused of being an apologist.  🙄 Some people are truly exhausting.

For every story about a Death Eater falling for Hermione, there’s a different explanation.  If you’ve ready any, you’re probably already familiar.  Because I try very hard to make every story I write unique from the others I’ve already written, I’ve mixed it up.  Antonin only joined for knowledge and power without realizing until too late what was really happening.  Rodolphus was pressured by his wife in one and his grief and depression made him fall further in than he meant to.  Sometimes the Death Eater was pressured by family to follow in their footsteps; others by their peers.  There are countless reasons why people join these kinds of groups.  Disillusionment, looking for a place to belong... you really could make it anything.  I’ve known people who were drawn in and brainwashed by cults because they were desperate for purpose, for belonging, for a feeling like their life actually mattered.  It can be super easy to get sucked into a cult and takes years to get out... if you can.

JKR wrote the Death Eaters as being simply bad for bad’s sake.  They’re almost all one-dimensional.  No person is actually one-dimensional.  They have hopes and fears and dreams just like everyone else.  Maybe they thought they believed in the sort of pro-Pureblood world that Voldemort imagined, but once they got in they were in over their head.  Reality rarely meets our expectations.  People grow and change.  Even my own beliefs have changed as I’ve grown older.  What I used to think was important no longer is and there are issues I have done a complete 180 on as I’ve grown up and begun to live in what I call “grownup reality”.  (Life is much different for me than it was even when I was just in my twenties and how I see the world has changed drastically in some instances.). So if experience and time has been able to shape and change my beliefs and even my values to a minute degree, why could the same not be said for a Death Eater who discovered all was not as it seemed when they were recruited?

It’s also important to remember that no one thinks, acts, or believes like everyone in their set group one hundred percent of the time.  Each individual has their own thoughts and beliefs.  Maybe they joined because they hated Muggles, but then they realized they were wrong to do so.  Maybe their family pressured them to join but they didn’t agree.  Maybe they were afraid to die so they joined.  I know a lovely man whose father died in World War II fighting for the Nazis - not because he was an admirer of Hitler and believed in everything dreadful and evil the Nazi party believed in.  No, his father was conscripted into the German Army and fought because he would’ve been arrested in the best case scenario and executed in the worst.  His young wife and their two small children could’ve also been in danger had he refused.  It’s a terribly sad story.  And hardly the only one.  That’s just one example.  History has countless other incidents all over the world when scared people fought and fell in line with a terrible leader because they had no other choice. Or at least it seemed like they had no other choice.  Not everyone is strong and brave enough to stand up to injustice and evil when their lives are on the lines.  Humans by our very nature can be quite cowardly at times.

It’s possible that a person who has done evil deeds or believed just absolutely atrocious things could want to change and be a better person.  Though it wouldn’t be easy, someone like Hermione could choose to forgive them for their past.  Especially if they’re truly remorseful.

Of course, it’s also unfortunately true that there are sometimes relationships that are just absolutely toxic.  Love can make idiots of us all.  How many women (and men to an extent though not nearly as often) see the potential in a man and want to change them into something good and perfect?  It happens so often it’s a cliche.  Woman falls in love with bad boy.  Wants to change him.  Stays with him with hopes and dreams that he’ll stop being so awful.  Is disappointed over and over again.  Have you ever known someone who fell in love with a truly terrible person and even though their relationship wasn’t healthy whatsoever never seemed to quit them?  Kept going back for more even when everyone told them it was a terrible idea?  I’m pretty sure you have.  You might’ve even been in one of those relationships yourself.  I know I was.  No, he might not have been a murderous minion of a madman, but he certainly had his terrible qualities that I thought I could help him get past.  Tale as old as time.  

I could go on and on and on about reasons why Hermione might fall in love with a completely unsuitable man who might even wish her dead, but there’s no reason.  It could be for a thousand reasons.  And don’t forget, Hermione isn’t exactly some innocent paragon of virtue herself.  She’s pretty dark even in canon.  Trapping a lady in a jar?  Cursing a girl’s face possibly permanently?  Leading another witch into a forest knowing there are centaurs in there who are dangerous?  And those are just the things that unobservant Harry noticed!  Who knows what she was doing off-stage?  She has her own darkness and her own demons to fight.  She’s not perfect nor is she some pure angelic creature who only uses light magic for good.  Nah, she’s pretty twisted at times. (On a side note - Please don’t try to write her as being all-powerful, perfect, and never do anything the least bit bad.  That’s not her character at all.  It bothers me to see her written as some sort of pearl-clutching virgin who has never done anything bad in her entire life.  That’s NOT the Hermione I read in the books.)

You just have to find the right motivation in your own story.  If you’re not forcing the story and allowing it to develop naturally, you’ll figure it out.  If you’re forcing it, I’m afraid you’re going to stay stuck.

I hope this can be so some help!  Sorry I’m rambled on and on and on.

[slamsheadontableinrapidsuccesion]

Happyhoganon: Which memes do you find "meh"?

Idrk what Happyhoganon mean but i have no awareness of anything at all at anytime so

I dont know if they count as memes? But atm those like "vsco girl" posts or as they used to be called "basic girl" posts that were like

Making fun of teenage girls for being teenage girls? Some of the jokes really are harmless but i see it bleeding over to an actual problem

where it really is just an outlet for misogyny but covered up and accepted bc its the trendy thing to say.

I think the e-girl trend was trying to do the same thing but they just gained popularity in a good way,,, u know like ppl embraced it

but nobody wants to be a vsco girl because its just like the "basic" of now because nobody really uses basic anymore.

Like vsco girls have all of the stuff that was popular at the time,, teenagers, mostly teenage girls were using phrases like sksksksk and and i oop because it was fun, and scrunchies bc the 80's thing was coming back due to a popular show and idk,,

But it definitely corresponds to how teenage girls used to be shamed for even looking in the direction of a starbucks pumpkin spice drink, or uhhhh leggings,,

It jus sucks overall, and creates toxic environments for young girls, who trash all their interests and avoid popular stuff cause they "dont wanna b like other girls" and thats a whole thing

hating popular things just because they're popular,, even if its just for the jonks,, is n o t

a personality

Wowie u did not need an answer this long huh it is six fourteen o clock am

Anyway thats just my opinion

Also memes that i wasn't in the know abt when they were popular feel super foreign to me so i don't rly get them

Hhehehehe big kermit the frog is always funny in my heart tho

Sorry for ur essay,,, ummm,, i think im either gonna pass out or throw up now,,, just send another ask if this isn't what u meant lol

[void-official]

“Micro-identities/’Mogai/ya’ll literally just be making shit up now” OK. i’m sorry im stuck on this and this is the last i’ll talk about it today bc fuck it. I’m gonna be Real for a second. And it’s going to be awkward, and it’s going to be long, and I’m gonna Lose Follower bc defending micro-labels is Cringe. Whatever. I get it. go ahead and unfollow. The rest of you who actually care. and in the spirit of Pride Month, as someone who feels like they’re almost never allowed to express Pride in who I am? Here we go.

I’m bi. Most of you can probably tell, im not exactly subtle about it.

I’m bi. But

my actual interest in dating or having sex with Anyone has been pretty much negligible for my entire life. I just don’t Care. I never have. Dating and sex seem like a hassle to me and I don’t feel like i’m particularly missing out by not taking part in them. It doesn’t negate my enjoyment of peoples bodies necessarily, nor does it mean I never get crushes on people it just means at the end of the day, my desire to go out there and find people to have sex with and/or date has always been like. really really low. Even if the opportunity was there. And i’ve come to terms with this. I accept this about myself.

There is actually a great deal of overlap between bi and ace identity. all those ‘weird little terms’ like ‘demisexual’ you guys hate so much were originally created for people like me, who feel like they are fundamentally not allowed to call themselves something straightforward like ‘bi’ (or straight/gay/lesbian) without people inevitably screaming at them for Doing It Wrong. So they can describe how they feel in a brief word, instead of having to go through the pains of explaining the complex relationship they have with sexual attraction to every fucking person who asks what their sexuality is.

saying ‘well you should just be able to say bi and leave it at that’ doesn’t actually account for the experiences i have when i Just Say i’m Bi. Even me Just Saying ‘im bi’ i’ve always gotta deal with harassment from people whoget weirdly agressive about -why- i’m not out there fucking or dating the people i claim im attracted to. Am I a prude? a Tease? Just an ‘Acey’ lying for brownie points? Am I Actually Just Traumatized? (They ask in a really aggressive condescending way, like thats actually how you should talk to someone you think is potentially traumatized) But by the standards of this discourse, i’m not allowed to call myself ace either, because then people are going to yell at me that if I experience the tiniest smidgen of sexual attraction or romantic inclination sometimes, or post pictures of sexy video game characters, clearly i cant be that either  I literally can’t win. there is not a thing I can call myself that won’t earn me the ire of LGBT people on tumblr who think they know me and what i should call myself better than I do. And believe me i hate talking about this More than you do. I’d rather just shut up and let people Assume i’m whatever they want me to be sometimes but then mutuals i thought i trusted will inevitably openly make fun of the people who outwardly call themselves demisexual or whatever microlabel is trendy to shit on currently, and usually i bite my tongue cause at the end of the day its Just Words, right? I don’t even use that word, right? Its just words and some words can be interchangeable and not everyone knows what they mean which can feel alienating and unnecessary to people who don’t understand them. I -get- why people ‘cringe’ when they see like 10 terms they don’t understand in someones bio. why do you think i don’t even list anything about my sexuality in mine other than my pronouns?

but I always remember like. just bc that label isnt For Me, it doesn’t mean there might be someone in a similar position to me who doesnt feel comfortable just calling themeslves bi, and prefers the label ‘demisexual biromantic’ who feels like that phrase puts them in a place of peace and contentment, and I wouldn’t argue with them about it. Bc thats their fucking choice. Them being happy with who they are takes priority over my personal opinions of the language they use. same with gender nonconforming people who dont want call themselves trans or nonbinary. Thats fucking Fine. I’m not telling you to have to use the same words as me if you don’t feel like they’re necessary or accurate. I literally don’t give a rats ass what words you use to identify yourself so long as they’re not being used to hurt other people. I just want to be able to have Words, for myself, that describe how I feel, that don’t result in people treating my entire identity like some shitty discourse Meme. And right now I have none. No matter what I call myself, people choose tell me it’s not accurate, or its too complicated.

As for all these shitty fucking posts about people ‘forcing’ young people to take up labels. This. This doesn’t actually happen? (OK I won’t say it doesn’t happen ever on an individual level? but that its not something enforced or encouraged by any group as a practice, and that distinction is necessary, bc saying it happens on a large scale literally implies predatory intentions from a massive group of people instead of members of the group behaving poorly as individuals)

Demisexual people as a whole have literally never told me i had to call myself demi just bc my sense of how i experience attraction might be similar to theirs. Ace people as a whole don’t usually tell people whose lack of sexual attraction is caused by trauma or who havent developed enough to experience sexual attraction that they -have- to call themselves ace. Most Bi or Pan people are fine with the fact that their labels have a lot of overlap and that the line between these things can be murky, they arent actually constantly ready to tear each others throats out over whose terminology is correct. All of this shit is made up by hateful people, or people taking a few examples of poor behavior out of context as an excuse to shit on everyone else, and well meaning people keep falling for it bc it -seems- helpful to be. reactive. I guess? to people you’re constantly told are hurtful to the causes of marginalized people. but im telling you. its not true. literally nobody forces you to call yourself any of these words, they just Exist out there in case you want them, and if you think thats somehow a threat to other peoples identities or to Minors just like, conceptually, for existing, for being Too Specific, im sorry but what other word is there for your reaction than phobic? If an individual derails a conversation about Y to be like “You didn’t include _X_” or tries to force their views on a minor who hasn’t developed a stable sense of identity yet, that is an Individual behaving in an inappropriate manner, not an invitation for you to throw the whole group under the bus. I hate to tell you but if you’re using examples of individuals on tumblr who say stupid shit, everyone on tumblr says stupid shit and butts in conversationally where they’re not welcome. Universally. It’s how tumblr is formatted. Trust me, I have like 4 viral posts going right now.

i’m just tired of it at this point. im not cool with people who stretch to make fun of micro-labels all the time and think they’re being woke allies or w/e to the ‘real LGBTs’.  Even if a lot of the time I personally don’t care for all the labels and wouldn’t choose them for myself, I still feel like If you can’t treat people like individuals and assess their character on a case by case basis, i don’t trust you. I don’t like people who stereotype and LGBT people are not immune to this behavior. Like i don’t say it often but it fucking hurts, and it hurts other people I’m close to who I know have similar complicated identities and struggle coming up w/words to describe themselves that the whole of tumblr LGBT+ will approve of and agree with (clearly an impossibility because there are still people who don’t want bi and trans to even be in there). I might tolerate the constant jokes and not block on principle of knowing not everyone has ingested and thought about this discourse in the same way I have, and im a big tough adult, ultimately i can take it. but inside i know no matter what i call myself, if i were earnest with some of you about how i feel I’d probably be just another ‘special snowflake Delusional mogai creep’ to you, and i can’t deny that fucking hurts to think about. I try not to talk about it openly bc it embarrasses me, bc i dont think my sexuality should have to be battle ground for discourse for people who are supposed to be on my side. But there it is. I think most of this discourse is Trash, and clearly not for the reason most people on here say its trash, not bc theres ‘too many specific words, y’all just be Making Shit Up’ but because so many of you are more caught up in the words than the substance of the arguments or the needs of people whose experiences might have a lot of overlap with yours regardless of what word they’re using to describe it.

Anyway. happy pride to LGBTQA+ people who still dont really feel pride in themselves or their identity. I’d say you’re valid, but you don’t need my validation or anyone elses to understand that you’re a person deserving of respect and compassion. You exist as who you are, and you have to come to terms with who that is, regardless of whether or not you feel like you’re accepted for it. if not pride then, settle for confidence in who you are.

#........./ #....../ #././ #././/./ #/././.. #long post

[claire-de-macarune]

Get ready kids because somebody called for all the Hayley Kiyoko asks

sleepover: have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them? if it was in the past, do you wish that you told them?

Ugghhhh yea. I’ve told some and not others. The current one is rough because she’s straight (?) and we talked about her boy problems and i just wanted her to be happy, so i worked some fairy gaymother magic and now they’re dating which is… yeah.

I just kinda sucked it up and made a playlist into which i deposit all my sad gay pining. It’s about three hours long and Sleepover is the first track.

curious: do you drink? what’s your favourite drink? what drink isn’t your thing?

I am a connoisseur of fine juices. ;)

I’m a big smoothie girl, so a mango smoothie bubble tea is probably my fave. I like sodas or bitter things, for the most part. I’m a wine mom type and definitely think that it will be my alcohol go-to once I’m of age,

girls like girls: what’s your sexuality? how did you discover it? or have you just always known?

I’m a lesbean. :)

My first crush was Daphne from Scooby-Doo (i’ve given you that information, now use it wisely. by which i mean, don’t use it. please god.), so that was a landmark. I kind of always subconsciously know, but growing up I didn’t actually know what being LGBT+ was because my parents never made a big deal about it. We have straight friends, we have gay friends, so I wasn’t aware that sexuality and discourse around it was even a thing until I was around twelve. 

feelings: how do you think others perceive you? how do you perceive yourself? 

People find me intimidating because I’m confident, intentional, verbose, and organized. That’s how I like it.

I alternate between between our class emotional support animal and class cryptid, and it’s the most fun thing ever. I am both mom and monster muahahaha

gravel to tempo: have you come out to anyone? if yes, who was the first person you told? if no, do you want to? who would you tell first?

I don’t actually remember first coming out to anyone in particular. There was one time when my group of friends (3 other girls) and i were having a sleepover and they were all like, “we’re bi” and i was like “what’s that” and they were like “we like girls too” and i was like “cool. i mean, personally i think boys suck and look like potatoes carved by a toddler and when i entertain the notion of kissing or marrying one i would literally rather eat sandpaper for the rest of my life, but cool” and they were like “how are you so comfortable with this? a lesbian GOD!” and i just went with it.

(for the record, it wasn’t a trendy thing and they were really scared and all felt really gross about it bc their religious families taught them that being gay was wrong and didn’t talk about bisexuality at all so i went out and did some research and came back and assured them that everything they were feelign was valid and okay and we were really safe spaces for each other in that shitty middle school time when everything is just awful. nothing but love and respect for my first priestesses and bi babes!)

pretty girl: who was the most recent crush you had? do you still like them? did you tell them/do you want to tell them?

(see sleepover. this song is also on the playlist.)

what i need: who are your favourite gay artists? what are your favourite gay songs?

Well, Hayley Kiyoko (obviously), Janelle Monae, and King Princess are the big ones. I’m always open to hearing more! Honorable mentions to “Know Your Name” by Mary Lambert, “Crimson and Clover” by Joan Jett, and the soundtrack of Fun Home (even though it’s got some problematic things with predatory gays) because I cry every time I listen to it, especially on “Changing My Major”, “Days and Days and Days”, and fuckin “Telephone Wire” (“Come to the Fun Home” is a whole bop. Only gay in that I, a certified gay, enjoy it.)

ease my mind: what makes you feel at peace? what is your perfect future like? what do you do at the end of a long day to unwind?

Reading, writing (in theory lol), drawing, and singing relax me (dance too, but I’m not allowed to do it anymore cuz I’m broken). I also recently started teaching myself the guitar.

I don’t really have a set perfect future, but honestly, I’d take one in which we avoid nuclear winter, world war III, and climate change. The more I think about growing up, the more skeptical I become about whether I’ll actually get to do it and that’s insanely scary.

let it be: who was your worst heartbreak? have you ever been in love? do you even believe in love?

TW: suicide

One of my best friends (⅓ of my nervous bi darlings) ended her life almost two years ago. So that fuckin’ messed me up.

I don’t know. Usually, I’d say I think I’m kind of young to really even know how, but that’s not quite true. I guess I’ll say that I have loved but I haven’t yet been in love. Theoretically speaking, there’s so much of my life ahead of me that the probability of having that experience so early, especially with a limited romantic pool (being a queer poc in the south), is low.

And I’ve just recently fallen in love with myself, thus heightening my standards. I’ve been awful about getting into relationships in the past because i was afraid of saying no and hurting that person’s feelings, but lately i value my own happiness above the appeasement of others to my detriment. I just feel like I’m still learning and getting comfortable in that space, and the opportunity hasn’t really presented itself yet. But i think that it’s possible, someday. I’m a hopeful hopeless romantic.

cliff’s edge: what’s on your bucket list? where would like to travel? what makes your heart race?

I want to try everything at least once. I want to learn how to be the truest, most fully-realized version of myself I can. I don’t have a set list of life, I just hope it will be some kind of spectacular.

I want to see the world. Everywhere. But beyond that, I want to be a part of it. I want to be a true global citizen, experience a life past myself every day. I dream of having the freedom to continuously explore and grow in hopes of doing some good, internally or externally, along the way.

he’ll never love you: were you ever in denial about your sexuality? were you ever in denial of a crush? do you like to talk about your crushes to your friends?

Not denial, per se, I just didn’t know what was going on. It was a pretty straightforward, comfortable call once I had the information I needed.

I’m able to employ logic in most situations and strip myself of an unwanted crush using that, but most i’m aware of and suffer in silence.

Yesss. I’m bad at making those kinds of decisions by myself and having people who genuinely care ask me questions or even just talk to me about it helps me process. Often, this results in being teased about said crush, but I don’t mind.

wanna be missed: how dependent or independent are you in a relationship? do you like a lot of space, or a lot of intimacy? how do you feel about electronic (vs face to face) communication?

Ummm, I kinda tend to lead, just because that’s what I’m accustomed to. It’s a role I fill because everyone else avoids it in the other arenas of my life, so I’ve mostly been independent and directing in my relationships. This last one actually threw me for a loop because the dynamic was flipped; they were so sweet and thoughtful and proactive in romancing me i didn’t really know what to do with myself. I’ve gotten over the initial shock (now, what, 5? 6 months later?) and found that I liked that too.

I like a healthy balance of distance and closeness. Fun fact: my love languages are quality time and physical touch, so when i’m with someone i pretty much just want to cuddle with them all the time. I don’t know, it really depends on the person and the relationship and whatever is going on with me individually.

I’m cool with digital communication, but i’m also a granny when it comes to technology so I can have a little trouble with more nuanced text/social media culture. Also, my phone is always on silent (not even vibrate, because i’m wacky like that) so if you want an immediate answer, face-to-face is better. Also the physical touch thing, also that way i can read expressions better.

Bonus: i can also hold your hand and kiss your cute face!

under the blue/take me in: are you happy where you are right now? if you could change one thing about your life, what would it be? what’s your favourite aspect of yourself?

I mean, I’d rather not be in constant debilitating pain, I (apparently) have some tangling with anxiety i need to do, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. I’m a lot better than I have been, and I’m grateful for that. I don’t know if true happiness is a consistent, determinable state, but I take what I can get.

I don’t think there’s one big thing I would change. It’s more like a handful of small things. But if I had to choose, I’d fix whatever is wrong with my spine/neck/whatever. I feel like I’m on the cusp of my life finally beginning and I’m trapped by something as trivial as my body. It’s exhausting and I really need it to be over. It feels selfish, but I could do the most good for myself and others if I could put this behind me.

Favorite aspect of myself? That’s like asking me to pick a favorite book! Or child! Impossible: that’s a trick question. Sure, she’s a batshit, messy bitch, but I love myself. She and I are in it for the long run. ;)

palace: who is your favourite memory? what’s your favourite story with/about them? why don’t you two speak anymore?

The first girl I ever loved is mostly a memory now. It’s hard to pick a favorite story about her, but our first kiss story is pretty soft and gay, kind of like something out of a fairytale or a tropey fic, so I guess I’ll say that.

We had just finished seventh grade. 

Some background: That April, we went to D.C. for our annual class trip. There were ten of us and only four girls, so we all shared a hotel room (and they were roommates!) We split the beds (we’d all known each other for seven years, it was just like sharing with a sister) and stayed up super late, intermittently playing truth or dare and talking about life. She and I philosophized into the early morning (there was only one bed!!), she told me she liked me, and I fell asleep before I could do anything about it. Apparently, we ended up cuddling, because when I woke up, i was warm because she’d wrapped around me (and drooled down my collarbone, but whatever).

Okay, so, every spring, after graduation, our school had a picnic at the park down by a shallow length of the river where the kids would swim after lunch. We hadn’t done anything about our feelings yet, and I was leaving for another school. She took me around the bend in the river and we swam into the basin there. She wasn’t as strong a swimmer as I was, so she put her arms around my neck, and I held us both up in water deeper than both of us were tall. She said she was going to miss me, and then she kissed me. For a while.

Then, we saw a snake and frantically flailed to shore, laughing until our lungs hurt.

We don’t talk anymore because she became mentally unstable soon after that, and it wasn’t safe for either of us to continue interacting. I’ve seen her a few times since, but I don’t anticipate that we’ll ever be that close again, and that’s okay.

mercy/gatekeeper: what was a difficult time in your life? what did you do/what are you doing to get through it? who has been the most helpful?

&

molecules: have you ever lost anyone close to you? if yes, how did it feel at the time and how does it feel now to talk about them? do you fear death?

TW: suicide

One of my childhood best friends killed herself in the first month of our freshman year. It was totally out of the blue, and the timing was absolutely horrible. I was just getting everything I wanted, I was having the time of my life and then everything just stopped in its tracks. Except it didn’t. The world kept turning and she was gone and I had lab reports due and she was gone and there were play rehearsal and holidays and deadlines and life incessantly barreling forward and she was gone. I woke every morning with a pit in my stomach, I didn’t sleep, I didn’t eat. It was like something had been cut open inside me and life was just pouring out behind me but I couldn’t feel any of it. And no one else around me seemed to care. Every day I felt like I was dying. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t breathe, and everyone else had a smile on their face and laughed like it was nothing and complained about stubbing toes and bad grades and fighting with their parents.

I don’t really know how I got through it. I mean, I went to therapy, but it didn’t really help. I couldn’t talk to people about it, even when I wanted to. I couldn’t cry for the longest time. I wrote about it some. I left her voicemails. I raged through glass recycling. I guess I just trudged on, dragged myself onward because stopping wasn’t an option. Because if I did, even for a moment, I wouldn’t have enough strength to start again.

I’m better now, I guess. I can talk about it and her and I feel mostly human most days, but it’s still a presence in my life I wish I could escape. I still don’t know where they buried her.

I do not fear death.

one bad night: do you like casual or serious relationships? have you ever done anything illegal, wrong, or stupid for the sake of love?

Hoo boy, I’m bad at casual relationships. I get too attached (*feelings plays in the background*), and it becomes serious. Oddly enough, it doesn’t really scare people away. The older I get the further I’ll probably get from playful dalliances, but every once in a while, as the stakes are low, I’m down for just having fun and enjoying someone’s company.

palm dreams: do you like parties or quiet nights in? would you want to/did you stay in your hometown after moving out? what’s your ideal saturday night like?

I am an introverted smol, and big parties make me nervous. I can handle and even enjoy the odd bash here and there, but too many too often wears me out. Smaller groups are better, but my favorite size is a book or maybe one other human.

Nooooooo, man, I am going to college out of state, far away, and I am not moving back here. I love my city dearly, but I need to find my own corner of the sky. :)

I love a night at the theatre, preceded by a quiet dinner with a couple close friends and followed by something sweet, some tea, and reading a good book with my feline.

#answer #s #wow #that took a minute #here #have my life story and emotions #@cremlim #thank you thank you #this was fun #i may or may not have cried #in other news #i love hayley kiyoko #don't mind my inconsistent Capitalization

[calteahood]

30 Questions

t like to read unless it’s for my english class, 30 questions challenge

Rules:

-tag the person who tagged you

-answer the questions

-tag 20 people

I was tagged by @5-secondsofcolor  <3

1. How tall are you? 5ft

2. What color and style is your hair? i’m a natural redhead, not bright red but still red, shoulder length, and i’m actually about to get a beachy wave perm bc all the natural curl in my hair is gone :( (it’s a long story)

3. What color are your eyes? green

4. Do you wear glasses? yes, i can hardly see without them. but, i wear contacts most of the time

5. Do you wear braces? no, but i def need them :(((

6. What’s your fashion sense? i really like what’s trendy. rn i’m into baggy t-shirts a lot, the color red as well as dusty pinks, and yellows. i like funky stuff too. and cool shoes, like the vans x mickey stuff

7. Full name? it’s a secret

8. Where were you born? california

9. Where are you from and where do you live now? california and yes!

10. What school do you go to? i go to the community college in my town

11. What kind of student are you? i procrastinate a lot and don't like to read unless it’s for my english class but i do try my best to get good grades

12. Do you like school? high school had its ups and downs but senior year was great, and now college is a bit tough but i enough the freedom college gives. and the free money

13. Favorite school subjects? english and (in high school) choir 

14. Favorite TV shows? ink master, big mouth, say yes to the dress, and that 70′s show

15. Favorite Movie? scott pilgrim vs the world (i know, i’m basic)

16. Favorite Books? it’s this book called “between shades of gray” & i read it in 8th grade and still love t to this day. it’s historical fiction about a lithuanian girl during the time of stalin and it's so good (and so sad)

17. Favorite pastime? listening to music, watching youtube, playing with makeup, and making crafts/DIY stuff

18. Do you have any regrets? sooo many

19. Dream job? english teacher and doing creative writing, or working for a creative writing company. backup plans are piercer and makeup artist

20. Would you ever like to be married? i for sure want to, just not right now bc i’m still young and way too busy to plan a wedding

21. Would you like to have kids? 100% yes

22. How many? if i can, 2 biologically. i also want to be able to foster and eventually adopt, bc i don’t think my body could handle pregnancy well and i dream of adopting a couple kids. giving them a great life. and a puppy, bc we’re going to be a dog family

23. Do you like shopping? for makeup, yes. for clothes, yeah but after awhile i do get a bit discouraged bc nothing ever fits me right :( for shoes, yesss

24. What countries have you visited? none yet!

25. Scariest nightmare you have ever had? i have anxiety nightmares a lot. not demons or ghosts. just anxious situations where i watch things around me crumble or people hate me :)))

26. Any enemies? i wouldn’t say enemies, bc that sounds silly, but there are a few people i don’t like

27. Do you have a significant other? yes! a year and 9 months so far <3

28. Do you get along with your family? yeah for the most part. i’m really good with my parents, my mom is my best friend. i’m good with my sister and aunts. my brothers are okay

29. Do you believe in miracles? i do

30. How are you? i’ve been better, i’ve been worse. i am super sleepy though. i fr could sleep forever

i don’t know 20 different people so i’m just going to tag a few mutuals and people i love to read from (ily all). don’t feel pressured to do this, i just did it bc i thought it was cute & fun!

@softforcal @heartachecth @youngblood199456 @caffeinatedcalum @thicc-bread @cal-puddies @lovhood @gigglyirwin @flannelpunkcalum

#tag challenge #heres a bit about be for all my followers :)