#be better or stay bitter

[tejasvkris]

I don't think im supposed to be posting this but I need a space to vent and since Tumblr is my safe space ...here we go.

I'm feeling like a useless fat fuck because I'm supposed to be studying but I just can't get it out of me to start like my book is open I'm at my table but I just can't find it in me to start, I'm sitting over here wasting my life in a YouTube short a scroll and I'm ruining my attention spam.... I know what to know I know how to do it, what the fuck is wrong with me, you know what imma say fuck you to myself and start studying right now because I don't want to se my parents sad and I need to make my life a beautiful thing so I can adopt 2 big dogs and have a loving husband and a kid that looks cute but will eat your insides if provoke but is the sweetest thing ever.

Ps I have a long post in the drafts I'll post it later

Pps y'all don't need to worry I'm going to be okay. I just needed to rant

Ppps wtf does ps mean

Toodles

#desi #desiblr #desi tag #desi teen #studying #study motivation #death scroll on youtube #be better or stay bitter

[motivatedxblogger]

People that wronged me aren't glowing up. They still look the same tbh. I honestly think that as long as you aren't working on your inner self, you can't glow up.... at least not naturally?

#like think about it #hurt people hurt people #you can't glow up when you're still bitter and full of hatred #be better or stay bitter #if you work on yourself you vibe different and you automatically look and feel different #I mean that's just my theory #motivatedstudent speaks

[swiftcast-selene]

Day 2: Home

sometimes it's hard to think of the shadow of a castrum as "home", but... it's much harder to deny the effect the Shroud and its people have had on him.

#miqomarch #miqomarch 2024 #ffxiv #ffxiv miqo'te #final fantasy 14 #there's no canon location for O that i've managed to find so #i imagine them being basically. between gyr abania and the shroud #used to cover a pretty large territory between the two #a long time ago before the ala mhigan invasion #and as it was they eventually. settled on staying in gridania. purely because it was safer there #and they didn't want to side with ala mhigo for fear of like. invoking the ire of the elementals #and it was fine for a While. until negi's father just sort of made a mess of the tribe. #got a big head about it and thought he was invincible and slowly whittled away at relations with gridania in general #until there was no trade and they just stagnated #negi was one of his last kids and as a twin he inherited most of the issues o'kovhi didn't get #so there's something a little... bitter about childhood for him. the feeling of being stuck between a rock and a hard place #he left eventually for gridania proper to study as a conjurer (which didn't work out very well) #but without all of it he wouldn't have met selene.. wouldn't have found his calling during the calamity... #he wouldn't be himself! #and he does love the Shroud. it is his home for better or for worse #his.... roots ;) ;) ;) #m: negi

[soracities]

I'm 3 days late to this but I just saw that anon about being anti makeup and i want to thank you for articulating so concisely and patiently why certain women are against makeup. mostly because if i were in your place i absolutely wouldn't have the patience to deal with it lmao. mostly because I've been trying to articulate this stance to my friends irl and the most common reaction to this ime, in real life as well as online from women who disagree, is "but I like it 🥺 what about me? 🥺does that mean I'm a bad person? 🥺 but it's fun and cute and girly 🥺" and they just refuse to engage with any of those ideas because for them it's just harmless fun.

and after running up against this response enough times you just start to get sick of it. a lot of this (most of this) is my own personal exasperation talking but it's frustrating to try to make structural critiques and people are so individualistic they can't think past their own preferences.

I think some women, on some level at least, probably are aware of these things, or they have an inkling of them--if not consciously then subconsciously--but it isn't something they are willing or ready to confront, which explains why some can get incredibly defensive about it. We have this whole thing where your individual choices have become linked to, or representative of, your identity and so any comment against those choices is taken as a personal attack because in a sense, for someone living within that framework, it is. I completely understand your exasperation because I've felt it, too. But I think I'm at a point where, for me personally, I'm not trying to argue with people or convince them because trying to make people see or hear what they aren't willing to will only make them double down harder.

I agree with you and I wish there was a way to actually have these conversations in an open manner without getting stonewalled, but the best thing I can do right now is stay true to my own stance and embody that through example and hopefully I can be open enough through this that it allows others to see they can do the same--or that, at the very least, they have the option to.

#tbh i try to assume that people ask things in good faith so in those scenarios i try to be as open as possible (even though i've been guilty #of failing at that too). we have a deeply fucked up world so everyone comes away with deeply internalised ideas bc of that but i also hold #to the notion of “people do better when they know better”. and i try to add to that if i can. but i also accept that i cant take #responsibility for how people apply that knowledge or their willingness to hear it. i just stay open and sincere in my own stance #bc i dont want exhaustion to lead to bitterness #ask #anonymous

[detransraichu]

broooo not my ex making posts abt how hard it is to come to terms with being conventionally attractive while having low self-esteem issues and how wild it is to get compliments randomly on their appearance when they go out and how they're worried that their new transmasc boytoy is only into them bc they're hot -_- i'm tired... meanwhile i'm just seen as a gremlin now that i'm not hyperfem... they truly have the biggest issues in the world lol

also they were like "omg turns out i'm not ace i just needed a bf lol" and i'm like yeah. i know. you've been lusting after male characters for years. you were horny as fuck just not for me bc i didn't transition. you only made moves on me when you were bored, lonely or drunk. i always asked if that was the case and you were like no baby it's just your insecurities i don't need you to transition uwu. for 5 years. my trust issues are thru the roof now yayyyyy /dies

#lay text #i'm being mean and petty ugh #my heart kinda hurts but talking w my counsellor abt it helped #it rly helps to have a neutral third party to vent to #also i still think my ex is a good person i don't actually hate them i love them as a friend. but i do hate what they did to me #i hate that they went along w us dating bc they're too much of a doormat. i hate that they thought abt breaking up w me for years #but never told me bc they were worried i wouldn't survive without them financially or emotionally #feels so fucking infantilizing #now i'm so much better off without them despite being broke #that was my first and only real relationship my first time my first everything. i'm so embarrassed wtf i was RIGHT i was right all along #i was right it wasn't just insecurities they straight up never wanted me they wanted future transitioned male-passing me #it was all lies!!! from the get-go!!! meanwhile i did so much romantic bullshit and i was wearing rose colored glasses!!!! #and i was a big dyke. being with a woman who identified as a woman would've made me 2000x happier anyway. we could've just stayed roommates #i'm so bitter guys. i feel so jaded but i'm trying not to be :/ #and now they have so much luck in their love life #and i'm just a lonely gremlin dyke who only attracts polyam/casual girls who only want me on the side #where tf is my love story :'( i've been trying SOOO FUCKING HARD to gain my ex's affection for 5 freaking years i was the most loveydovey g #i deserve a love story i think i've really earned it by now!!!!! #so much love to give #now they have it so easy wtf. feels unfair ngl. i'm happy for them obviously they deserve happiness too. but i am still bitter >:/ #trying to process these feels instead of repressing them for once. i have a tendency to bottle up angst bc i think i'm bad for being mad #but nope those r healthy emotions!!! i can work thru this #it just sucks #if you read all of this bs i give you a cookie 🍪 <3

[caeslxys]

maybe I interpreted this wrong, but I truly don't understand the argument that this was a peaceful exit for laudna.

she died confused. confused. another message to someone instead of her own person. the raven queen's embrace actually being delilah, her murderer and manipulator, pulling her back, being the last embrace she'd feel. FCG's gentle repose stopping something from happening to her body. that is not peace.

#words #critical role #laudna #also I think if you're making the argument that she should stay dead #another take I do not fucking understand but whatever. gold coin to you for preferring realism in dungeons and dragons I guess #but if you wanted her to stay dead. I actually think ignoring this is detrimental to the story you're trying to say is better. #the fact that it was not peaceful is part of the tragedy of this #it's not like vax. it's not like vax. it's not even like molly. #anyway I just suddenly saw a bunch of takes saying this was a good exit for her character and I'm sorry but absolutely no it is not #at least not if you take this out of it. not if you actively try to make this tragedy bittersweet instead of just bitter #also I do think delilah was bringing her back as a deathlock a la avantika which. ow #anyway I just needed to Say Something bc thinking abt her still makes me ill....my blorbo come home

[accio-victuuri]

It’s already past 11:30, his performance was like 10:00 something but he is still #1 on hot search as well as the Entertainment section of the HS. You can really try and add all the bells and whistles to a performance but the audience know what’s genuine. The people just don’t get moved anymore by being loud— the way Yibo was so vulnerable and raw in this was so special. Thank you for showing this to us. I mean, look at the other nye shows — with the celebrities all dressed and made up — then Yibo. No make up at all. A simple black and white attire. So simple but so much impact.

No one does it like him. He is ahead of the game. A true performer. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 He deserves to be onstage not only because he brings “traffic” but he really sets the standard on what a celebrity should offer in shows like this.

#wang yibo #king yibo! #king shit #everyone else can stay bitter — yibo is only getting better 😌😌😌

[tytrack]

ok im actually on the same page as everyone now because even though he's been protecting his brother yaman is kind of a gigantic pushover coward whereas ateş literally fights any chance he gets and this creates a massive difference between both of them when it comes to loving/protecting faraye. so

#also of course he's going to spiral once ateş and faraye get married and the double standards will kick in for him blah blah blah #i was rooting for him but there were too many moments in the episodes where he stayed quiet when he should have spoken #i understand that potentially killing someone is something you want to keep close to your chest but not standing up for yourself at all #means that he wouldn't stand up for faraye either #also the intro scene where he would rather get shot by her than explain what is happening is such a cop out move #he's kind of the definition of self martyrdom like really not doing anything about his circumstances but getting angry at #everything else around him #i really do hope they keep building his character and he doesn't become a hollowed out bitter villainous brother #it wouldn't do him justice as a LOVER #idk.......i want better for him #he shouldn't have folded so quickly and gone straight to big brother if he couldn't handle the murder situation imo #anyways the show is fire. it's insane the amount of intensity and drama is like a full 7 course meal #safir

[bunnbunn]

Ted Lasso was about the power of love, friendship, forgiveness, family.

But it also was a long long con, it took us up the mountain of wholesome writing and then drop kicked us off it on the last episode.

It reminded us with great joy that a show finale can suck so bad, it undoes every growth arc a character has had and turn them back into their Season 1, Episode 1 selves

#ted lasso #jamie tartt #roy kent #its sad that ted was right about it not being about him #because he basically is the same man he was in S1E1 #i dont know who those people were on screen today but it was not the jamie and roy i know #ted missed beard's wedding #thats the level of concerning were have reached #rebecca and sam had more potential for a romance than the dutch stranger please #yeah please tell that astrologist that her predictions are a pile of shit #something Ted Lasso writers forgot is no matter how much a father loves their child and compromises for them and tries to make them happy #if they are unhappy inside with themselves then it leaks out and turns into a cycle of guilt #remember when michelle and ted learnt that she was trying to stay in the marriage but that was also making her unhappy #yeah where did that lesson go #bitter bitter ending #not an ounce of happiness or accomplishment or joy (yes he was excited to see henry but did that look like a man ready to leave?) #this better be just the season finale cliffhanger and not the end of ted lasso #somebody said the Beard wedding was Ted having a dream (nightmare) and i am now hoping it was just that #but also how sad if that were true #ted dreams of his bestie and everyone else moving on without him

[yuridovewing]

Keep thinking about the Darktail twist and man I still think that Onestar was such a random choice for “has an illegitimate kid”. when imo Blackstar makes wayyyyy more sense. Like, consider, Blackfoot has a fling with Smoke when he’s still in exile during TPB. Smoke is wayyy more dedicated to him than he is to her, he actually looks down on her for being a kittypet.

By the time she’s pregnant though, he’s rejoined ShadowClan under Tigerstar. And oh man. Xenophobia is rife and alive and outspoken. And when Smoke tells Blackfoot about their kits, there’s no room for weakness. He lashes out at Smoke, maybe even outright attacks her (remember this guy killed Stonefur) and threatens her, telling her to either get off of his land forever or he’ll take care of their kits himself.

She’s either pregnant at that point or she’s had Darkkit and was trying to introduce them. Maybe the latter cause Smoke would not be coming back to ask ShadowClan to take him. Plus it’d be a formative memory to Darkkit that sticks with him for the rest of his life. Instead, she runs back home, Darkkit in tow. Warning him as he grew up to never go into the forest, lest his father find him and get rid of him.

Smoke lives out the rest of her days paranoid and distressed, Blackfoot knows where she lives. It gets worse when she hears that he’s become leader and could potentially send cats after her. Darktail grows up, angry and bitter that his mother was traumatized so. And he vows revenge. He trains himself, learns from the remnants of BloodClan how the clan cats fight. When Smoke dies, he leaves their twolegs to follow the clans, long gone at that point.

Revenge has consumed him, dedicating his life to unleashing his wrath onto Blackstar and his followers. He fantasized about how he would gut Blackstar and rip out each of his nine lives, dangle his dirty little secret over his clan and threatening their oh-so-fragile pride. He was going to make sure he would be considered Blackstar's worst mistake- that would be his end.

He sets up the Kin among some of the cats he trained with, some being former BloodClan cats. At first, it's formed in honor. He wanted to live with his friends was all, and this way they'd all be fed and healthy. But it slowly took a dark turn as Darktail still prioritized revenge above all else. He quickly grew manipulative, and while he still valued his cats, he began to view them more as pawns in a game of chess. A game he was always playing against Blackstar- even if Blackstar didn't know it. He took in vulnerable cats, promising them power and prestige, when he really was only concerned with how they could benefit his schemes. It takes him so long to get to a place where he can release an onslaught on his father’s clan.

… But when he arrives, Blackstar is dead. He drowned a year before Darktail arrived. He was buried, ShadowClan moved on, that was that. Darktail felt numb. It was all for nothing. Revenge on Blackstar, the thing that had driven him for so long, was gone. There was nothing left... except for the clan that Blackstar had built.

And it seemed plenty of the young, slighted, and immature apprentices were struggling at the change in power as well.

That was fine. He'd come this far. If he couldn't have Blackstar's skull, the rest of his clan would have to do. And as he witnessed the other clans' pride, he figured they could go as well. To hell with them all. He was gonna terrorize the clans just as they had terrorized his mother so, and he was going to relish every second.

So TLDR: Blackstar's crimes, and Brokenstar and Tigerstar's reign, still haunt ShadowClan to this day in the form of Darktail. Something about how when you die, some of your sins will be passed on to your loved ones who will be forced to deal with it in your stead. Darktail, try as he might, will never be satisfied with his revenge. He is now aimless, lashing out at everyone in sight because he missed his chance to kill the one he hated most.

#tbh i do like mama’s boy darktail but i dont like ‘’oh smokes a bitter ex she made her son hate his dad cause reasons’’ #but in this context it feels better cause like… yeah shes just terrified #btw my ideal avos au doesnt include skyclan at all. yeah ik theyre a good chunk of the arc. idc. theyre staying in that damn gorge #razorverse #why not #also uhhh said drowning cause that happens in canon but since im cutting the time gap between avos and the last hope #i might have it just so he dies in the great battle instead #maybe tho... he still gets drowned but by a dark forest cat #and thats what causes darktail to use drowning cats as punishment #hes trying to kill them the same way his father was killed. cause he wishes he could have done it

[vvanessaives]

no but thinking of violante's manic state following her murder of ruven and that sick game of association-replacement played by gortash where he acts just like ruven did, picks up some of his behaviours and mannerisms and speech patterns he specifically used with violante and that he knows of well bc he observed and studied them interact, so that he can fill up the now empty spot left by ruven's death.

#rena.txt #LIKE THE LAYERS. vio is visibly not. alright. it's all about 'i'm alone without him' so he plays a role. takes advantage of the weakness so #to devote her to him like she was devoted to ruven. vio could've killed for ruven and now more than ever she's a powerful asset to have on #your side. plus she showed she can and will kill. she took out the only person she cared for (in their twisted ways) in the world so she's #useful but dangerous. a double edged blade. no better moment than now that vio is so unstable and lacks purpose and a sense of community #to lure her on his side for his future plans. there's smth about the manipulation in it that makes me lose it like #i know this is what you desperately need rn and i know you know you will never have it back so what if i showed you i can be that thing #you're missing? that sense of loneliness is what he's pressing on the most. and the loss too. and vio notices ofc she recognises when he #speaks or acts in a certain way. she's aware but willingly letting his plan work bc god. she does miss ruven so sickly much and the comfort #in a lie is preferable to what's going on in her mind in that moment. #there's exploitation and there's a lil touch of loneliness on his side too and it's bitter to pretend to be someone else to convince her to #stay but he won't ever admit it. genuinely think that if vio didn't leave without saying a word his plan would've worked. she'd willingly #pretend he could replace ruven. it would hurt less probably #that devotion that could lead her to do great horrors...both her weakness and strength 👍 the illusion of free choice 👍 #it's past 3am if i could elaborate better i would but i feel like i'm having visions at this point.hit me with a giant hammer so i can slee #i 🫶 toxicity in my characters dynamics btw

[spotsupstuff]

i love your suns interpretation so much tbh. can I ask what your take is on NSH's relationship with them, out of curiosity? i feel like I don't see NSH be angry to SRS enough.

like, yes, NSH avoids conflict, but there's no way he doesn't know what SRS did. he's not stupid! like, they're both FP's seniors, and NSH knows they both have responsibilities to keep stuff like that from happening.

sorry if i'm ranting a lil lmao, it's just something that annoys me slightly about NSH interpretations that they all blame FP. as much as the guy is an idiot SRS is also to blame here

oh preach, the whole... NSH blames Only Pebs annoys me a ton too

Nish is still angry with Pebbles, because after all Pebbles isn't fault in this, but yes, he's angry with Suns too. his relationship with them was initially pretty good! Suns was basically their first Gen 2 and they didn't like Moon so Nish as the second senior of the group took it upon himself to be the one to give the newbie an intro to all of this

pretty quickly he figures that there's a defect in Suns when it comes to his emotions. so even though at this point he isn't yet all that Extremely emotional (the extreme is a result of research done by the Ancients into the emotional aspects of Iterators. Nish was pretty emotionally adept but not as much as he is later), he still offers to kind of like... Tutor? Suns? through emotions? and emotional understanding and conncetion between Iterators and Ancients and such

so the two are very close because of it! Nish isn't anything sort of a mentor™ to Suns (that's be Innocence), but he's a good older brother who tries his best to help Suns live well. so Suns starts to build a certain character of himself. the ruse that Pebbles ends up looking up to. and Nish thinks that it's Suns putting their time spent together to good use and are getting better. but Suns is failing to integrate the lessons and explanations all that well without knowing that they are failing at it n both think that everything is going well in their own idea of "going well". and at some point Suns starts to kind of lean off from the lessons and Nish being respectful let's it happen trusting that they know better now

after all that happens with Pebbles... well, canonically already Nish gives Suns shit for everything at least a little. after Spears campaign they grow more distant cuz... well Moon is going to die. the most important to Nish will be just gone so he's dealing with that. n then she collapses and he has a lot of shit to work through as the group's new senior, he doesn't have Time to be angry at Suns anymore, really. so the responsibilities mostly beat it out of his head. he's bitter with Suns and distant (this affects Suns pretty bad)

then Hunter comes around and Nish becomes somewhat happy again. Spears is quite old at this point, but Nish still contacts Suns for the sake of their scugs getting to meet. so Hunter can have some proper parent figure of her species and someone to learn fighting from. their interactions are awkward, they don't talk much

after Spears dies, Suns withdraws even more than before. after Hunter dies, Nish becomes embittered and a very different person who he was. another relationship that has ended in finality just like Suns n Pebbles' has. just quieter and more drawn out

#spot says stuff #rw #i feel like Nish wishes he could be angry but hes just. so tired from losing his closest friend n only elder sibling + pebs that he cant- #-really muster up the energy to. so he mostly stays bitter. someone better emotionally capable could tell that he isnt putting his all- #-into the conversation between the two anymore but suns is blind to it #in the off string au with tarrows i think Nish would forgive pebbles quite quickly. hed still need time to heal n rekindle their- #-relationship cuz the hurt still happened but outta the two suns would def be getting the harder time IF they were around at all

[bayofwolves]

struggling with how to address the nature of conor and abeke's relationship in path of the heroes. it deeply saddens me that coneke will not be happening, even though shaneke has always been my endgame. even so, conor and abeke have a really special relationship that i don't feel can be brushed off as simply platonic. i'm keeping the forehead kiss and all the other tender moments they shared before that. in fact, shane is supposed to notice how close they are, which causes doubts to form in his head.

i was thinking of having a scene where conor and shane just talk about this, but this is where the struggle begins. i'm not sure if i want there to be explicitly romantic feelings between conor and abeke. i fear it could needlessly complicate things, especially with the fact that i plan for conor to end up with someone who is very close to abeke in particular! plus, the love triangle is a tired concept -- a perceived love triangle that ends up all being in one guy's head is much more fun. like, shane spending literal years (since seeing them together in the second devourer war) stewing in repressed jealousy and doubt all for conor to cheerfully break the news that he and abeke never felt that way about each other and shane never had any competition? that's great. it's just great.

i feel like this path would be a lot more satisfying and less awkward than if conor were to say he did have feelings for abeke but he won't pursue them for shane's sake, or he knew abeke would choose shane over him, or some "maybe in another life" type shit. that, or they just start fighting over her for real. this would make the reveal of conor's endgame partner feel very odd, which i really do not want because i love the dynamic and potential these two have. it's become one of my favourite rarepairs and i cannot wait to explore it. but if conor did have feelings for abeke prior to this, their relationship would be... questionable, i'll put it. (and no the mystery person is not soama! don't worry! i could not care less about her)

so yeah, obviously i'm leaning towards the first option, but like i said above -- i can't say with certainty that conor and abeke can be called platonic. since taking up this project, my view of their relationship has slid very far into platonic territory (compared to how i used to ship them romantically), but it's clearly still something a lil bit more! i just can't label it for the life of me.

besties who cuddle and forehead kiss to help with the Trauma? besties who have deep talks for hours into the night when everyone else is asleep? besties who are intrinsically connected in a way that makes most people think romance but they know for a fact it isn't? platonic soulmates??! platonic soulmates. i found it. i found the term. conor and abeke are Platonic Soulmates.

this is what i love about making a long tumblr post as i think. i figure things out along the way

** i also feel the need to note that the shane-conor feud will not take up much of the plot at all. no matter how you execute it, jealousy subplots are too overdone. shane's real rivalry is with rollan.

#platonic soulmates or qpps it's whatever you want lol #honestly with how i'm doing it i'd say the four are queerplatonic-coded already minus the obv romantic reilin #i'll reveal who conor ends up with in due time hehe #probably gonna write a mini fic and introduce them to y'all that way #sorry to all the coneke fans out there 😔🙏🏽 #i am a firm believer that shane is the jealous one and not conor #conor grew out of it and matured but shane - despite all his good qualities - is still prone to bitterness #he's much better at hiding it than conor was in fire and ice #after the war with the wyrm when he's chill with abeke and the rest he'll play nice with conor to save face #all while feeling ugly inside #and it takes him a long time to admit what he's feeling is jealousy. #he tries to stay away from the other boy as much as he can #text #spirit animals #spirit animals books #spirit animals series #path of the heroes #abeke #conor #shane #rollan #coneke #shaneke

[local-redhead-bookworm]

If Billy is supposed to be nothing more than a one-dimensional bully, then why make us sympathize with him? Why show him getting ready for a date, then being abused by his dad? Why tell us he was good with kids and was giving them swimming lessons? Why show him absolutely terrified and breaking down in the showers before the Mind Flayer sinks its teeth in all the way? Why have him beg for Max to believe him? Why show him constantly fighting off the possession? Why show him either crying or holding back tears in almost every scene? Why tell us about his mother and his home life? Why make his final act a sacrifice, a choice to protect? Why have him desperately apologize to Max with his final breath? If he’s not meant to be redeemed, then why show us that he wants to be?

#billy hargrove #stranger things #stranger things analysis #I’m bitter about him and I’ll stay bitter #he deserved so much better #billy hargrove was an 18 year old abuse victim who lashed out but ultimately just wanted someone to care #that’s why El was able to reach him. she cared #duffer bros explain yourselves #and why have everyone afraid to even say his name in S4 #he wasn’t a monster #something something William meaning protector and Billy’s final act being a choice to protect #the growth and interaction we could have had #we were robbed #my posts

[herawell]

.

#i still can't read fics for most of my favorite fandoms or pairings #because i still feel like all existing fics are better than my own writing #and i get very very bitter and i have to step away because that is Not a headspace i want to go down #i think i'm just going to have to take an extended break from fandom #and continue my hiatus of 2-3 months by this point #i think finishing college and starting my first job and moving out have taken more out of me than i realized #after 3 months of a 3hour commute i'm finall living 15 min from my workplace but even with that gone #i still have very little energy #and also #other stuff about fandom and my abillity to formulate opinions and have convictions #which i cannot and will not articulate here because that's like level 10 friendship/therapists only #so i just avoid writing #but yeah #step back and stay back it is #negativity cw

[katyspersonal]

Cool.. Our rent price got raised. :') I did not know it was even possible to get even MORE poor than me and mom already were, but here we are. Guess I'll start surviving on literal bread and water at this rate.

#/vent #personal #no but when will things stop getting worse? #in moments like this I feel especially bitter thinking about that asshole that went to me like: #'wahh wahh katy i won enough money in the court to buy everything I want but it doesn't matter because I can't buy YOU uwu' #*ten days later* 'actually I don't want a friend/sister anymore can you please stay in your bum spot and simply be my- #-online friend and listen to me ramble about my interests without any regards to yours and show off how cool my life is to you like always? #like no I am not materialistic but when people make dramatic promises of this kind they better stick to them #'nooo but you MUST get out of russia!!!' bitch how? I can hardly afford enough food let alone travelling and living abroad #anyways yeah I am done using the guy that pretended to want a better life for us both and then turned tail as a core for venting #sorry it just makes me angry #not so much living in powerty and not being able to crawl out of debt and my life state no matter what #but more about a very consistent trend of having friends that one day get RICH and dump me as 'lower class' right after that happens #he is not the only one like that in my life he is just the most recent one #really speaks about how unlikeable I am if people lose interest in me as soon as they can buy happy things instead #shows that my worth as a human being is super low and I only work as entertainment when people can't buy something to do that instead #like videogames food travels objects books etc etc... #I am just below those things and less interesting than those things and I'll die early hahaha lol #hopes are that supernatural luck power that doesn't want me to escape easily will send me something to help. because yeah my situation- #-is B A D.