#both with their own big issues | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

heartbeatbookclub · 2 months

Text

I was looking at a few posts about autism (as one does) and it just suddenly clicked into place a fundamental thing about Yuri's character that I'd been grasping at, but hadn't really been able to adequately identify. I still have a much longer and more thorough analysis going through a whole lot of my thoughts on Yuri's character and her experience of autism that i'm working on (of which this will likely be a component), but I thought I'd share this separately just to emphasize.

Post I saw which made this click for me was making fun of the fact that most media depicting impaired empathy in autistic characters explicitly depicts them with this unflappable confidence of never having been rejected by people they love. The crux of this is that in actual reality, autistic people almost always have that experience at some point, for some behavior, for reasons they don't really understand. "There is an invisible line where people will get sick of you, and you have no warning of when you're about to cross it." So frequently, autistic people attempt to ride a razor thin edge, walking on constant eggshells to desperately attempt to avoid crossing that line.

Very often autistic people will attempt to avoid doing anything at all which could be considered weird, or off-putting, and will try their absolute hardest to do things in a way that is acceptable to other people, sometimes to the point of outright suppressing their emotions, because they are afraid that they'll say something just wrong enough that the people they care about will push them away, and they don't understand WHY it happened, but they know it's THEIR fault. Sometimes masking is fighting to appear aloof all the time because you can't regulate your emotions in a way that is acceptable to other people.

And holy fucking Jesus, that fits the exact mold of what I've been trying to talk about with the particular way Yuri's anxieties manifest.

It really feels to me like Yuri has this constant fear of breaking the "rules" of socializing, despite not really understanding what those rules even are. She's constantly afraid of saying something wrong, when she doesn't even know what wrong would be, she's just sure everyone ELSE will know it when they hear it. I think a huge part of her social anxiety comes from her own understanding of herself as a very weird person who doesn't really get a lot of how to socialize, and it seems to me like she's probably dealt with her fair share of social rejection and isolation based on those traits. She then felt she had to take responsibility for those traits, probably because it's the one thing she can change, and she is the one common denominator in all of these bad situations (This is something which is pretty common, actually! "Everyone else can socialize just fine, and I have so much difficulty with it! I must just be broken in some way. I have to try super hard to be normal to make friends!")

I think a big part of why it's so apparent in the Literature Club is because she really thinks she's found a place where she can make friends in spite of all of her issues, so when she starts...being herself, and receives even the smallest HINT of pushback, she overcorrects and tries to rein all of herself in to fix her "mistake", because she really wants to make friends here, and doesn't want them to reject her as well.

She's had this experience of others pushing her away for being weird so often that, coupled with her acknowledged trouble for reading situations, when anybody responds poorly to something and she recognizes it, she immediately overcorrects out of fear of being an annoying burden to everyone around her, and that "correction" consists of suppressing herself into being "normal" (or at least "less weird"), because she believes nobody could actually like her just for being who she is. There's something wrong with her fundamentally, and to make friends, for people to like her and want to be around her, she has to "fix" herself.

it's just, like...

it's really hard for me to interpret Yuri's character that doesn't involve her being somewhere on the spectrum, bros. she's written with such delicately constructed autistic coding, despite the appearance of just being a hackneyed weird girl visual novel trope. she deserves the world.......

75 notes · View notes

forgotteneithne · 2 months

Note

arthur/eithne: "why are you talking like we'll never see each other again?"

Eithne took a deep breath before speaking again.

"That's not what I meant to imply," Eithne answered slowly. "I just..." she paused. She'd had this conversation again and again over the past weeks but she had known with him it would be different-- with him her heart would hurt in a different way than it had when she'd seen the despair on her sisters' faces.

"You will always be welcome, of course, at Malconaire. My husband-to-be and I would be honored to host you and your family as our first guests after our wedding."

"Your husband-to-be?"

"I'm marrying Cassimir."

Arthur was rendered speechless and Eithne was ashamed at her next action: she fled into the garden, unable to stand the silence. He was following her within seconds.

"Why? What does he have over you to convince you to do such a thing?" Arthur demanded, grabbing Eithne's arm to stop her as she made a beeline for the chicken pen. Eithne whipped around to face him.

"Nothing. This is my own decision," Eithne answered sternly. Arthur seemed unconvinced.

"I won't let this happen. He doesn't deserve you."

"There are reasons I just cannot explain. You have to believe me-- I am doing what is best for myself. My family. My home."

"So he does hold something over you!"

"No, you're not listening--"

"I'll challenge him. For your honor," Arthur proclaimed. Eithne wrenched her arm out of his grasp.

"You will do no such thing!"

"You cannot tell me what I will and will not do-- I am your prince!" Arthur snapped suddenly, almost without thought. The words hung in the air between them and you could see the regret on his face as he realized what he had said. Something ended in that moment-- they'd been balancing on a precarious edge for months now and with that one sentence, they'd slipped into the abyss below.

"Eithne..."

"My most sincere apologies, Your Imperial Highness," Eithne answered, taking a few steps backwards from Arthur. She looked up and met his eyes-- he was silently pleading with her but she knew this was how it had to be.

"I am due to be in the village this afternoon," Eithne continued, trying to keep her voice even. "My step mother and step sister should be home by now-- I am sure they will be more than happy to receive you for tea should you wish to have some refreshments before your trip home."

"Eithne, please," Arthur was walking towards her, arm outstretched. She shook her head and he stopped. "Eithne..."

"Good afternoon, Your Imperial Highness," Eithne sank into a deep curtsey before turning and fleeing through the garden gate before he could see the emotion flooding her face.

#arthur varmont #ask meme #drabble #welp just some normal every day heartbreak drama #no big deal #how torn is valentina rn: eithne is marrying her son but that opens up a prince for her daughter?#also rereading this I realized it kinda made Arthur out to be the issue #and I meant it more as they both are… like neither is communicating well for their own reasons #and eithne just straight up keeping running away #so the bubble is definitely broken

32 notes · View notes

puppyeared · 17 days

Text

Ouhhhh friendship I love friendship……..

#I’m reading volumes 14-16 of the ouran manga OOUGHHH MY HEART #I love this weird little friend group so much its unreal #like u have this charming sweeps you off your feet prince but he’s actually a huge lovable idiot with a kind heart and his friends #who are all misfits that he reached out to and drew in because of his kindness and own weirdness like that shits TIGHT BRO #and the trauma part where he has some deep seated issues with love bc he thinks that itll break a family apart like with his mom #how his family isnt allowed to be together because his mom and dad fell in love and how he says he wants to build a big house #so that way one day everyone will get along as a family like. all he wants is not to lose everyone and the only way to do that is #by maintaining a certain order.. he both wants a complete family so bad and doesnt want anything to sour between anyone #so he assigns each of his friends a family role based on how he sees them and YEAH its mostly played for giggles and tamakis #already weird so its his way of showing theyre close to him but. god damn this boy has LAYERS #it also feels kinda meta towards how found family tends to get thrown around to assign characters as 'siblings' or family roles instead of #using it to describe characters who are close enough to be each others family. cuz tamakis doing that EXACT THING in a way tht #ties in with his character and i have to say its fascinating using that within the story itself and its completely plausible #theres a lot of things i can say about ouran that are good bad and questionable but. god i love it when characters are niceys to each other #i remember i really liked the mall episode bc kyoya and haruhi got to spend time together and their relationship isnt very close #but it was really nice to see their personalities bounce off each other. i think i also wouldve liked to see haruhi alone with kaoru #i also firmly believe all of the hosts are at least a little in love with haruhi and this can be anything like endearing romantic cuz like #who DOESNT love haruhi. kyoya i think would want to study her under a microscope like his fascination with her draws him in #but im fucking obsessed with whatever haruhi and tamaki have going on because YES hes obsessed with her YES he jumps at the chance to #put her in a cute costume but haruhi? she just fucking goes with it because she knows hes fun to be around even if hes a little wacky abt i #theyre all so. NNGGHHHH #ouran #ohshc #yapping

29 notes · View notes

revelisms · 11 months

Text

Braindumping about Silco and Vi, because these two are such fantastic narrative foils for each other—and, in the same breath, completely cut from the same cloth.

I keep wishing they had more scenes together, another square-off, something to put them head-to-head—because there's so much potential for them to counteract the layers of each other.

At the root of it all, Vander's looming between them, this monolith of a presence that ties their pasts together. But above that, still, we have Jinx—who not only is their driving tension, but their greatest possibility for reconnection.

Here, we have Vander's daughter—someone who, for all intents and purposes, has become what he wanted, but who has also been someone he saw too much of himself in; who he did his best to reshape, instead of enable, and who put him on a pedestal, and truly saw him as hers, more than perhaps anyone (except, well, Silco).

Vi treasured Vander, fully looked up to him as her father—and losing him shattered her. In between all the layers of it, there's this underlying thread in his actions towards her, a tension that just sits with her through Act 1—Do as I say, not as I do (or, rather, as I did).

Here, we also have Vander's partner—someone who knew him before, knew what he was, what he resented, and what he became, instead; and who bears the scars of what all their fallout grew to be. Someone who holds the memory of him tangibly, in multiple respects, as though it is something he physically cannot sever: Vander's knife, the Drop—and even, in some ways, Jinx.

Silco is still clinging to the idea of Vander, throughout the entire series. To the potential in their reunion at the cannery; to the reassurance of what he knew him to be (I knew you still had it in you; Vander wasn't the man you thought he was); to this need he has to still speak to him, even after everything.

But Vi was raised with the burden of being the eldest; being the one most capable of providing protection—and, as a consequence, with the burden of responsibility.

She's not only a sister to Jinx. She's a guardian to her—and in many respects, a stand-in mother. And Silco, as a surrogate father, is standing right in the middle of that. A roadblock between "Powder," as Vi knows her sister as, and "Jinx," as Silco knows his daughter to be.

Right at the forefront, we have so much conflict here. Vi is so similar to Vander, to the point that she is nearly his spirit incarnate—so much so that having her resurface from a presumed grave just sets fuel to fire for a vendetta Silco has never been able to snuff out.

But beneath that—far beneath that—they have so much in common. Vi's headstrong rebuttals in Act 1 about going against Piltover and striking them down, about being made to feel lesser her whole life and needing to fight against it, just sings with Silco's anger in the cannery (You'd die for the cause, but you won't fight for one?).

These are two kindred spirits, two revolutionaries willing to do anything for their city and those they love, and who aren't afraid to fight for it. Who want to fight for it.

But trapped between it all, we have Jinx. Someone Vi is not willing to sacrifice (i.e., her memory of Powder), and who Silco, by the end of the series, isn't willing to sacrifice, either (i.e., his loyalty to Jinx).

Vi, of course, could never fathom Silco being a father to Powder (how could she, after he is the reason Vander was taken from her?)—and looks for justifications for her hatred, in everything he does.

But the unfortunate truth of the matter is that for all Vander cherished and nurtured Vi as a vision of himself—so has Silco, to Jinx. He sees himself in her. He has empowered her, cherished her. He is so incredibly tender with her, in his own ways. And—for all his absolute faults, his skewed morals, his tunnel-visioned zealousy to achieve Zaun—he is a good father to Jinx, just as Vander was a good father to Vi.

The question I keep finding myself mulling over, though, is whether these two could find elements of that, once again, in each other.

There are so many things Silco isn't—not only in Vander's shadow, but simply in the character that he is. He doesn't come in swinging; he plots, he strategizes, he fights with words. He isn't a warm presence, or a jovial one; he's chilling, he's dry, he's distanced. There are countless contradictions one can draw between the two of them—and so many layers one can tease apart, on how their opposites attracted each other, how they worked (a balance that will no longer ever be).

But there are so many things Silco is. He's critical, he's fiercely rational, he knows how to weave a crowd around his finger with a single intonation. He admires the outcasts, the scrappers, those that have dredged through society to claw for what they can. He surrounds himself with them—and he operates alongside them, as an equal as much as an usurper.

He's a flavor of parenthood Vi didn't receive, but could have—the one that would have validated her need to fight; who would have taught her that strength comes in numbers, not in one's single ability to protect; who would have seen her snarkiness, her quick wit on her feet, and taught her to use it to her leverage.

The tragedy of the whole series is that Jinx needs them both to have balance in her life—to keep the tether of her child self and her trauma from splitting her apart at the seams—yet for Silco and Vi, as the narrative destines them for (and as it destined Silco and Vander for), any semblance of a connection between them is doomed for destruction.

There's too much they hold fiercely to themselves, in their own traumas, that they cannot set down—even for the sake of Jinx's needs. They are equally selfish, in that way. They want the version of Vander that they are not willing to let go of; and they want the version of Jinx that they know her to be.

But they could change. They could.

Silco did, by the end. Chose his daughter, his legacy, over the cause, over his vision of progress. And Vi did, too. Chose "peace," chose to set down the gauntlets, chose politics (and—arguably—complacency, in the same way Vander did) as the path forward.

But what if they set it all down, for Jinx? What if they became what she needed, on both sides? A father who sees her, nurtures her, like Vander saw and nurtured Vi—and a sister who loves and protects her, like Vi loved and protected Powder; who could learn, maybe, to love and protect "Jinx," too?

And maybe—just maybe—Silco and Vi could learn to appreciate each other, for all their surface hatreds. Find mentorship, find balance again, in each other. And through it, Vi could learn that protection, responsibility, isn't the only quality to strive for. That even she can be nurtured again, too.

#yes this is rapidly becoming the entire basis of heron blue and yes this is the central premise of the WIP i'm working on #shhh #listen these two are just #hhGHGHGH #silco and jinx have that special dysfunctional flavor of daddy issues out the roof #but let's just talk about vi with all that for a second #like????#yes she will loathe silco until her deathbed for taking vander from her but like...vander gave this girl parentification issues for DAYS #there's some complications big time on both sides #arcane #rambles #arcane meta #arcane vi #arcane silco #arcane vander #i know i have completely left caitlyn out of the equation here #honestly - i could see their relationship developing more...genuinely's not the right word but?#separate from the context of vi being freed from prison?#something that comes more naturally from them seeing each other in their own contexts/working environments #and admiring/appreciating each others' opposites all the more for it #also just like #this is what jinx NEEDS it is the whole shakespearian tragedy of the entire conflict with these three #and the total angst ball of what that *could* be is just divine

106 notes · View notes

alder-knight · 4 months

Text

the Dems are fumbling a fucking GENOCIDE and the far right is going to win in November because of it

fuck all these power-drunk motherfuckers

#please let me be wrong #bc on some issues both parties are equally heinous #and on others they most certainly are not #and that is a big fucking problem #I don't want to vote for fucking genocide joe #my own fucking congressman is being s huge fucking bitch about the banner drop at his office today #can you people please fucking get with the program! it's genocide! the math is not difficult on this one!!!#anyway ignore me #ask to tag #personal #doomposting #the carnage

4 notes · View notes

sonknuxadow · 1 year

Text

going to invent a time machine just so i can go back in time and stop the op of that post thats like "sonic is canonically trans now because he has a girl clone thanks ken penders" from ever posting that. the damage that post has done is insane i still to this day see people repeating it as fact and it's so painful

#to be clear. the problem isnt people saying sonic is trans. i think sonic is trans too #the problem is that post was FULL of misinformation . which wouldnt be that big of an issue if it only got a few notes #but it blew up and got reposted everywhere and now thousands of people think what was said in that post is true when its not #both sonic fans who just dont research things before accepting them as true And people who know nothing about sonic #and didnt even know surge existed before seeing that post believed it and still spread the misinfo...#surge the tenrec is not a clone of sonic. she was not born from his dna or anything. her being a girl does not prove sonic is trans #also ken penders didnt design scourge he created anti sonic who would later become scourge thanks to other artists and writers #so surge's existence is Not thanks to ken penders. she has nothing to do with him #also i hate that that post makes people think of surge as just girl sonic or girl scourge. shes her own person..#in ops defense i think they posted that before surge's true origins were revealed #but that doesnt make the impact of that post any less frustrating

27 notes · View notes

commsroom · 10 months

Note

Happy belated birthday! Just wanted to hop in again saying I love your posts about Wolf 359. They’re all so good.

I’m on a relisten again and am at the end of season 3. And I’m thinking about how fascinating it is that Hera remembered the Thanksgiving with her at the table physically. And in a post if yours I read recently or you posted recently you talked about Hera getting a human body and I think that scene kinda hints at maybe wanting to be physically there? Idk.

If you’re up for it you can share your thoughts on this. I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday and leave you with some of my Wolf 359 thoughts.

Sending you good vibes over the internet.

thank you; you're always so sweet!! 💙

we're absolutely on the same wavelength here, too!! that scene in particular is a big reason why i feel like hera would want a body - what it says about her self-perception, sense of physicality (even without experience to contextualize it), and... as a result, that she experiences physical loneliness. and, notably, that all of those things are subconscious framing in what she misremembers. i've posted about that scene before here, and in my... way too long essay about hera here, which i'll try to paraphrase a bit. and in other places, too, probably! i think about it a lot.

so: i think there's a big difference between existing differently (which can be isolating in itself, but... through lack of understanding) and feeling like she's always being kept away from the others - somewhere else, physically. she clearly conceptualizes herself in that space as within the hephaestus, separate from it and the systems she runs, the same as everyone else. that's the difference between "other people need to change their attitudes" and... well, other people still need to change their attitudes, but there is also something fundamental about her circumstances that she's unhappy with and needs to change.

(and, obviously, like... because you know i see hera as a trans woman, i think some of the parallels you could make to medical transition are pretty clear in that framing, too.)

minkowski says “you weren’t here with us [...] we were over here, and you were over there” but minkowski would never actually say that - from her perspective, hera was as there with them as she's ever been. but if hera doesn't feel that way - if - like the sound design suggests - she's always hearing their voices the way they hear hers... if she's always felt that she's somewhere else... then it's hard for me to imagine there's a way to resolve that without giving her the autonomy to physically interact with the others, to be seen the way she sees herself - and that's something i think is really highlighted in the finale, too.

#wolf 359 #w359 #hera wolf 359 #asks #like i get why some people don't want AI Characters in General to have human forms but i think the circumstances are soo different for hera #and denying that that physicality is a part of her and that her lack of physicality is both like. a social frustration and #and issue of autonomy for her... i think would be missing some really major parts of her character. that are really important to me #for. as usual. trans and disability related reasons in particular.#you know? like there are ... themes here that i think would be better explored if i could tell it as a story. as opposed to writing meta #but i think there's really something about what hera having a body would highlight about those experiences and just. bodies in general #in the context of wolf's themes about humanity. like. that having a body won't fix all of the problems she might hope it would #that it would equalize her experience in some way and make her realize she wasn't that different before. that some of the limitations #might be frustrating. but also that... the way it would broaden her ability to experience things and be really present in her own life #by limiting her perspective to those very tangible mundane things... i think that's really in line with wolf 359's discussion about #'the big picture' as opposed to personal connection etc.#i think it is just very personal for me as someone who does feel so disconnected that like. i dunno.#i like to think it would be worth it for her.#well. thank you for asking. i'm always happy to hear from you!!

13 notes · View notes

synthshenanigans · 16 days

Note

there’s one on here currently and they’re bringing back up old controversy (jashshipping)

Yeaa I saw that. They also seem to post a bunch of CJ related things, so I might make the daily photos one since there isn't one for just CJ screenshots/photos

#im gonna be a fait bit busy today so I cant make it rn #also wont be making it tomorrow as there's another strike happening then [ill make a post on that later too btw]#but i want there to be an account just of stuff from the vids or of the ones he posts on twitter #as for the shipping thing #i wish ppl wouldn't be so rude with things sometimes man #my stance is basically the same as CJs. interpret it however you'd like just don't show it to ppl who are uncomfortable with it #also don't harass or be a dick to people who do or don't ship it #im glad it died down since then at least & that there's not a bunch of hate going around #this fandom is simultaneously really nice to be in & also really draining sometimes #tho it definitely isn't the worse. ive been in a lot of ones that are a LOT worse than here. big & small #place is actually quite nice mostly. despite some things that deserve needing to be called out [like some of the ableism toward Heart]#I think things would be a lot better if people just let others do their own thing. as long as its not like. fuckin illegal or offense #or against CJs boundaries. just let others vibe out in there own corner #ain't that what we all said when TH purists complain about CJs covers? No ones forcing you to consume the content. is all good #just stay where you're comfortable! if anyone's forcing you to look at their stuff then they're the issue. and that goes both ways #again just listen to what the guy said. don't show it to people that don't like it. don't harass people who do it don't like it. an like #just be groovy #sorry for the rant this has just been on my mind for months now #im generally very neutral on things but i hate everyone just yellin at each other when there doesn't need to be yelling in the first place #again this place is hell of a lot better than other spaces ive been in #its a main reason this is the first fandom I've actively participated a shit ton in #im actually using discord & talking [a bit] to other ppl for once lol #idk man i like it here. Just don't make a reason for people not to like it here #again apologies for the rant op. this has just been on my mind for some time & i really don't want shit being blown up again #also apologize if anythins spelled wrong or sounds like nonsense #shitty keyboard + dyslexia + not being able to edit tags can make dumb results lol #moss rants #[atlas asks]

4 notes · View notes

bluest-planet · 7 months

Text

Language and Shape.

A bit taken out from this earlier part. Anyways onto cute, Flood Vanitas! Ft. Illiterate Yoruhua lol.

"Nothing's changed! I've done everything you've told me to do, and none of it works." Vanitas complains.

He pouts, arms crossed as he looks at them like they're some kind of traitor, which... Was technically true on multiple levels, but not here.

"This kind of thing takes time, Vanitas, you can't force something as personal as your body to shapeshift that easily."

A deep sigh escapes her, "Érebos, it might even take at the very least, a year. And that's looking on the extremely bright side, it took me years to properly develop a Clavat- eh, human, form- Over my years, I still am." Yoruhua replies, face still buried in their books and journals.

'Sol ardenti! Why does this have to be so hard?'

Why did language and writing have to become something barely unrecognizable? Thank Érebos, that Yoruhua was at least conscious and hearing enough within Void Gear to evolve and understand spoken speech over the eons. Enough time linked with their previous wielders was the only thing saving them now.

Trying to get back to their work- because if they were able to learn this, then Orichalchemi would have one less thing to worry about when they got her back- they paid no mind to Vanitas wandering around their space.

So Yoruhua buries himself in all kinds of syllables and scripts…

'So the characters are completely different here... And none of them are using glyphs anymore?! Until Ori can repair Quiet Regalia, I'll just have to learn this the hard way. Okay... This looks the closest to the descendant of my language…'

"-hua."

'The TL sound doesn't really exist anymore, I... Think. It's either a K or L…'

"-ruhua."

'This is.. entirely incomprehensible... Without glyphs they just use entirely different, unique words to describe something instead of adding suffixes and prefixes? Oh this'll take me centuries to understand-!'

"YORUHUA!"

She jumps in her seat, frantically trying to catch herself so she doesn't fall, "Ack-! What in Érebos' name, did something happen-?!"

He turns to see what all the fuss is about, only to not see anyone.

"Vanitas? Vanitas, where did you go?" Yoruhua rises from their seat, but yelps when something pushes up against their shoe.

"Hey, watch it! I'm down here, ogre!" A familiar, muffled voice yells.

"Vanitas! I'm so sorry!" He quickly lifts his shoe and back away, only to see a small dark red flood skitter away from them.

He kneels down to meet him, but even then Yoruhua is a lot bigger than the tiny Vanitas. If anything, this only made their jarring height difference worse, like comparing a lion and a housecat, downgrading Vanitas from lynx.

"Yeah, you better be sorry! You almost crushed me, freak! Now help me up!" Little Flood Vanitas hisses.

Sheepishly, they reach out for him to hop onto their arm and get a better look at him. Carefully bringing him over their desk.

"oh wow... Look at you! You did it!!" Yoruhua broke into a wide smile, "this isn't what I imagined when I first brought it up shapeshifting, but this is fine! Certainly intriguing for a first shift..." She muses.

Vanitas stomps his little foot and grumbles, "are you done gawking?! This isn't what I wanted-why am I so small- Tell me how to undo this!"

She coos, enamored by his transformation and little tantrum. He reminded her of some of the younger homunculi she cared for in the past. "aw...but you’re so precious, so soon?"

Vanitas screeches, "YES!"

"Okay! Calm yourself!"

"I AM COMPLETELY CALM!"

She smiles to herself wryly, "uh-huh... Of course you are. Ahem, just take a deep breath and blank your mind. Stop thinking so hard about what you look like." She tries to coach.

The little flood squirms under her gaze but eventually settles, "this better work."

Vanitas' chest rises and falls as his eyes close and he stills, Yoruhua intensely watching in bated anticipation.

They wait a few seconds, then about a minute before Vanitas growls and groans, "this is impossible! It didn't work, again, fix this!"

They shake their head, "it shouldn't be that hard to go back. Being calm and not worrying about appearances is key. Your body should just relax and go to the default you're used to. With the body you're most comfortable in."

"but mine never has been!" He yells.

Yoruhua's eyes widen, "what-"

"-my body has never been just mine! I don't..." Vanitas' tiny form crumbles, sinking into a pitiful puddle on the desk, "I don't- I've never had a body I was... Completely comfortable, in. I lost that a long time ago and I'm never getting it back."

They frown, "Vanitas…"

The puddle shrinks, "why did you think I wanted to learn in the first place...? This was stupid, and now I can't even go back. Nothing ever goes my way."

Yoruhua stays silent, unsure how to comfort him. Their own form was not one they were ever unsatisfied with, not when shapeshifting came so easily to them. And, despite the fact they technically shared and understood Orichalchemi's odd relationship with having an inorganic body- this was an entirely different issue.

Yoruhua, as a homunculus, going between a monstrous form and more 'human-like' appearance, not including sharing fusion with Ori, or even body swapping with her on one occasion... all were just him in the truest way possible. Just a reflection of who he's been since birth, changing with time. Unrestrained, chaotic, self expression, like any other form of Darkness.

How and why Vanitas didn't have a decent grasp on half of that as another homunculus-

"oh." She says audibly, hitting her palm with her fist when it hits her.

'He wasn't always made of Darkness, neither was he raised in the Realm of Dark for any of this to feel natural by Light's rules. That's a tricky one to handle...'

Red eyes open and peer at her from the puddle, "...what?"

He dips his hand into the puddle and dredges Vanitas up by the scruff.

He squawks, bunging around in her grasp, "what do you think you're doing?! Let me go!"

Yoruhua huffs, "oh relax, you used to toss me around like this all the time in Void Gear, actually, I'm sure you did worse than that on occasion." She cups him in her palms, scratching under his fuzzy, yet staticky chin with a thumb, "it's okay though, this makes it even."

He half-heartedly pushes it away, "I guess…"

"Listen, I honestly have no idea how to comfort you, nor do I know how to 'fix' you."

"Tsk, I don't need your pity-" Vanitas begins to argue, but Yoruhua cuts him off.

"-but! You're right, you don't need me to. If you were able to shapeshift in the first place, then I believe you'll be able to go back eventually. Let's just ride this out, don't give up yet and don't be so hard on yourself." They encourage.

He glares, "but I don't wanna to be stuck like this."

Yoruhua gently pets him with his fingertips again, soothingly tracing down his back, "I know, but trying to force yourself back will do more harm than good. Don't worry, I'll keep you safe and sound!"

Vanitas can't help but cringe as she babies him, but a small part of him embarrassingly rumbles at the nice petting.

His sister quietly laughs to herself, earning another glare, but she feigns ignorance, coughing behind her glove.

Vanitas crawls away from her hand, "Well, since I can't do anything-" and instead hops up onto her sleeve, till he reaches her shoulder.

He brushes up against her cheek and pushes past her surprisingly soft hair, drawing a ticklish snort out from her.

"-I guess I'll just have to help you with this, your handwriting is awful." He snaps, pointing a claw at her handiwork.

Yoruhua immediately frowns, "I'd like to see you try going from millennia old glyphs to modern written words! I'm doing my best, punk."

Flood Vanitas bristles, "oh I get it, think you're too good for my help?! I'm never offering to help you again, hag."

His sister's voice goes high with indignation, "hag? Hag?!"

Vanitas squeaks when he's pulled away from his comfy perch, immobile in her grasp, "H-Hey! Not again!"

Yoruhua flicks him upside his muzzle, looking very offended, "I'll have you know I was one of, if not the most sought after Prince of Night in my era!" She gestures at her hard work, "I was a master in calligraphy, languages, chaotics, and mathematics you couldn't even conceive of, zygote!"

Vanitas hisses, and manages to nip their bare arm and points at their journal, "you spelled 'realm' wrong right there, genius."

Yoruhua's face blanches at the mistake, "oh. Um. Right. Guess some help wouldn't be entirely unwanted. You know, because you're from this era, you're my best resource." And unceremoniously drops Vanitas back down again.

Flood Vanitas mentally rolls his eyes and skitters up to their head this time, nesting on her fluffy hair, "at least like this, I get a front row seat to your mistakes."

"Hey, rude."

He scoffs, "and you used a 'k' instead of a 'c'- stars, wait, this worse than I thought, how have you been navigating the maps if you're this bad?"

Yoruhua stays silent.

Vanitas stills, "Hold on- have we been running around blind this whole time?!"

"It's not blind if I'm following a trail! I, um, recognize most worlds from your travels anyways! You never said anything-!" She tries to defend,

He lets out a loud groan and leans over their head to berate them to their face, "STARS ABOVE, it's a miracle we haven't gotten lost- you suck at everything! Teaching, reading, explaining, and now directions?!"

She sheepishly tugs on her hair, "uhm. To be fair. Orichalchemi was always the better navigator… heh, ha, she was an actual caravaner, I only ever watched while I was in her shadow… or made plans on the map we had in the castle…"

Vanitas can't believe what he's hearing, "...I'm just going to pull a rat, and take the reins from here. I may not have my body back, but I can still tell you what's what if we're taking a break from shapeshifting."

She looks up at his beady, glowing red eyes and sighs, "alright, can you read over this for me?" Offering up their notes to him.

He perks up at the distraction and lays on his smug attitude, "of course, your majesty. Now, pay attention- time for the student to take the role of the master!"

Yoruhua hides a smile under the shadow of their head, letting Vanitas do exactly as he says.

'Let him have his fun, he can learn his lessons later.' He thinks. Unaware of his bad habit, indulgence, getting in the way of resolution.

But for now, he takes genuine joy in being taught something new for the first time in ages.

#kh #kingdom hearts #kh vanitas #kh oc #kh fanfic #starry stories #ugh this one really did not want to work with me. originally meant to be kinda angsty but i didn't want jt to be so it was editied #honestly maybe it should've stayed cut im not 100% with this one #but whatever its done and now ill take what i like and what i dont for good storry purposes #anyways FLOOD VANITAS #ugh so cute! maybe ill keep him like this lil #got another one cooking ✌️ had a mental health crisis but now im okay dbfbf #mas or menos that is #anyways Yoruhua is struggling out here. Ori spoke old greek & Yorhu has a mix of Nahuatl japanese spanish and latin so its all a mess to he #him*#anyways Yoru is struggling between being a good big sibling and their intinctual loyalty as a literal sword #like. that fucks someone up lol yoru has some issues and way of viewing vanitas that needs to be worked through #but at least its better than Xehanort like. theres hope for em both this time lol #they're at least both able to heal in their own way being nice and vulnerable to each other #and caring about someone new other than themselves #anyways later!!!!

6 notes · View notes

littencloud9 · 20 days

Text

STOP STOPPP IM SO CONFLICTED OVER WHAT TO SHIP IN THIS DAMN SHOW

#LIKE SHIT. THAT WAS SO CUTE. i was really against v.anijeanne at the start because of how. Weird their dynamic is #plus v.anoe was just so romantically coded i could not read their relationship as anything else #but that scene!!! of vanitas alone and jeanne being the one to come up to him!!!!!! and the HUG AW #and THE CHEEK KISS #i always wince when v.anijeanne have a bloodsucking scene because yeah it's hot but i find that to be the worst part of their dynamic lol #BUT THEN SHE WENT OFF AND VANITAS HELD HIS CHEEK LOOKING ALL DUMBSTRUCK #LIKE THAT WAS GENUINELY SO SWEET I DIED #but then theres v.anoe. who own the entire op and their dynamic is fascinating and i fr think vanitas has a crush on noe that he hasnt #quite figured out yet bc of how closed off his heart is #god. never fucking mind vanitas has two hands he can date both of them #but ARGH!!!! this is like struggling between s.skk and a.tsulucy all over again lol #i like them both but i cant picture atsushi dating both bc i think aku would not be able to stand it #same here. i dont think noe could stand it. especially cause jeanne's mark is on vanitas. i think therell be BIG jealousy issues on his end #sigh. why did i pick the most bisexual anime ever. even IM conflicted and im not vanitas #lena watches vnc

3 notes · View notes

gromky · 1 month

Text

well <3

He needed his big brother to help him say goodbye to his baby. god.

3 notes · View notes

abstract-moth · 7 months

Text

for once I would like to be struggling academically bc my brain actually struggles to comprehend the material and not bc I have some dumb*ss sh*t going on in my personal life

#I got club stuff eating all my time #had to become the RA at my dorm #all my friends dropped out of my program so all those relationships are evolving #one of my best friends for the past two years is acting badly and I may have to stop being his friend #have to address some long standing medical issues #ofc my family issues have not gotten better at all #need to start therapy again and ik my therapist and I don't click but hey she's covered by insurance and I'm tired of looking #stupid beginning of the year bureaucracy to deal with #ppl at my dorm went to a big party and now everyone is slowly getting sick #president of my club is assigning me more work and the only solution is to tell her to do it instead but then SHE will have too much work #so I guess we both gotta suffer #plus I gotta lead my own team this year and get back to some assignments I told them to do #missed my German class 2 weeks in a row and have my first class tomorrow REALLY BEHIND bc I haven't studied German since May #also haven't been keeping up with French #and I really gotta do well academically this year #and probably find a job #and go to the gym #and not end up in the hospital again #university shenanigans #original post

5 notes · View notes

byakuyasdarling · 10 months

Text

I do facepalm when reading art drama frequently. Artists can use references; artists can trace over photos of real people to break down shapes before adapting it and stylising it all when redrawing it in their art. As long as they’re not directly tracing over another person’s artwork, I really don’t see an issue. Literally people in the industry learn like that, I have no clue why people expect artists to come up with material from thin air.

#trust me I’ve done the ‘drawing from imagination’ and from reference. I learned from both.#a lot of my big pieces are mostly my I #*imagination with some vague references #but I encourage doing anything you can to learn as long as you’re not directly stealing.#you can learn a lot from tracing in your own PERSONAL time. shape language is important to learn.#as long as the pieces you share online are your own WHAT IS THE ISSUE?!#sorry I’m bad at phrasing but tbh this is ridiculous #you can tell if a person traced immorally or referenced in a good manner BY LOOKING AT THEIR ART. IT IS NOT HARD.#IT R E A L L Y won’t look nice if it’s traced immorally.

8 notes · View notes

bravewolfvesperia · 3 months

Text

/ so I've been thinking about how to handle Transgressor Yuri in terms of his canon, and like... I really can't do much with it. I'm probably just going to toss what existed as far as my muse goes because like... after the tree was destroyed we:

A: had no confirmation it was Yuri who did it or if he was just there at the time (i.e. could have been trying to stop someone from doing it)

B: had no confirmation on why he did it if he did (and how long it'd be before we even saw him again or if he or Lloyd's group would have run into Kanata's group) and why he would be working with Kasque unless he knew something Milla somehow didn't in this context (i.e. Milla having the wrong idea about the trees and what they're there for/what they do). that or he was doing it because he was in a situation of being forced to do it for some reason (bc basically I can't see him just being on Kasque's side because he agrees with her, and without further context I'm stuck)

I guess it really depends what the manga does as far as the trees go at this point, because the manga has skipped so much content and is literally making chapters 5-7+9 happen simultaneously and it's honestly a mess. they've skipped crossover related stuff too (without putting in replacements), which the trees were relative both to Kasque and crossover content, hence why I don't know what they'll end up doing with them and if I should wait for them to get there and cover that stuff.

they've already added in the whole "explosion we're gonna blame on you guys" thing despite Sonia not even existing in the manga as of yet if she will be, so I really have no idea what's being kept and what's not (because at this point they've already tossed a slew of non crossover content out the window - if I sound bitter it's because I am LOL).

that said if they do get to the trees and keep them and have a replacement for Yuri (which I'm doubting they will at this point), I'll probably be able to figure out what to do with him better. if they ignore that aspect since it's partially tied to Milla (and Lloyd's side story and evidently Lloyd's group's main story), I'm probably just gonna yeet it for my muse because there's literally nothing I can do with the information we had before the game shut down. most unfortunately too, that was the legit last fucking thing that happened before the story was canceled.

#{ bravewolf mun }#/ like seriously is it too much to ask of them to actually give a shit abt this cast and story #the manga is a shell of what the game was and that's not even including the legacy chars #the manga is like... okay on its own but when compared to the game it's just #kinda a disappointment to me. I know they wanted to go the cheapest possible route #to continue the story but... if they'd made it an anime ppl would've bought it #if they made it a crossover too ppl would've LOVED it. I just wish they didn't half ass #this manga so badly bc I keep seeing ppl say it's doing poorly #and like yeah no fucking wonder. it's hardly what the game was and what people loved it for #but ofc if this manga also fails and gets canceled they prob won't pick the title back up #deeming it two failures when rly it wasn't a failure in the game bc that was... a WHOLE other issue for why it ''failed''#anyway yeah I'm salty and I want the game back that had such a deep rich story #with loads of lore and things HAPPENING around the WORLD #not just with our main cast. so many Talesy things and they were like little secluded versions #all happening around the world while Kanata is having his journey #Yuri probably would've been a semi big part based on how they introduced him #unless they wanted to go the ''it's not actually Yuri'' route bc normal Yuri appeared in a single event lol #but him and Milla seemed like they'd be influential in the story and I'm really bummed they both got tossed like that /

2 notes · View notes

mars-ipan · 1 year

Note

Ya got any rants stored up? Long-burning hatred?

i FINALLY found one i’ve been holding onto this ask waiting for the opportunity.

i HATE how people treat people with anxiety disorders. it’s endless pity mixed with complete incompassion

like ok. obligatory i have generalized anxiety disorder here. a lot of things make me stressed and when i’m having bad anxiety attacks (which can last days and sometimes put me into month-long spells of misery) i get physically sick, to the point of throwing up and fever. i also tend to go nonverbal/low-verbal during these periods of time (usually bc i’m nauseous.) i’m also very prone to migraines and have a tic and wear a night guard due to jaw clenching etc etc you get the point it affects me.

when i share these symptoms with people (assuming they don’t have similar symptoms) i get a lot of frowny faces. “owh i’m sorry :( that must be awful how horrible“ and the like. and it’s never said in a way that’s actually kind. it’s said in the way people talk about those aspca commercials. and it’s never actually come from a place of genuine concern- it’s superficial pity apparently meant to placate me. i hate it

and that’s assuming i even get that reaction at all! usually when i try to explain to someone that i’m experiencing symptoms of some sort like “hey i’m sorry i can’t really be productive right now, i’ve got a lot of brain fog” i am ALWAYS dismissed. EVERY time. maybe it’s because i’m quite skilled at coping and masking. maybe it’s because my panic attacks don’t (always) look like wailing and thrashing and choking on air. but for some reason people don’t seem to understand that yes my anxiety disorder is actually disabling for me sometimes. i will ask for an accommodation i need, be compared to someone else with different needs from me, and then be told i need to just suck it up and deal with it. and i am SO! TIRED! OF! IT!!!! the amount of times i’ve told people “hey please don’t say that to me i’m prone to paranoia about xyz” and then been yelled at because “it’s not that serious take a joke” is ABSURD. hey maybe stop telling me my cough is covid bc now i have to spend the next 3 hours reminding myself that i don’t have any other symptoms asshole!!! jesus

and THEN when i actually DO find a way to cope or utilize the way my brain works or god forbid crack a fucking joke about it people get mad at me. “see i knew it wasn’t a big deal” or “so you’re actually fine” or “that’s not funny” i am. so tired of it

and then i go online and see people saying that disorders like anxiety and depression have been destigmatized and we’re treated basically the same in neurotypical society. motherfucker i did not go undiagnosed for 17 years with several doctors telling me it “wasn’t anything to worry about” despite my family history and clear signs from a young age just to be told my disorder is respected. if i say my anxiety is a disability i get called dramatic and am told to stop taking attention away from people who need it- or not to call it a disability because “it’s not that bad” and i’m fine because clearly having a disability makes every second of your life miserable of course of course. hell anxiety is demonized too! not as badly as many other illnesses but it’s still demonized!!! if i tell people “hey i have anxiety so please be careful with xyz” they act like i just asked them to let me do anything i want without consequence. there’s literally a whole fucking stereotype of people using “anxiety” as an excuse to be lazy or an asshole or entitled. as someone whose anxiety manifests in depressive spirals (freeze response) and rejection sensitivity (doom spiraling) this is Not Great!!!!! like i am hypervigilant about enough things i do not need to add “will these people get mad if i explain how my brain works” to the list

and about the rejection sensitivity. i HATEEEEE when people judge me for crying because they’re upset at something i’ve done wrong. “mars if you’re in the wrong then you’re not the victim” who the fuck said i think i’m the victim???? i cry because my brain takes “can you pls stop doing this it genuinely bugs me” and turns it into “you’re a horrible person how could you do this to someone they hate you.” but just because that happens doesn’t mean i’m not capable of rational thought!!! i KNOW realistically that my friends are good communicators and share that stuff because they like my company. i just need to cry about it as well. that doesn’t negate my logic or say i won’t actually try to improve myself. i’m just upset that i made the mistake. obviously i’m gonna fix it. that one REALLY pisses me off esp when i warn someone in advance that i do that. like calm the fuck down i’m not even pointing out that i’m crying rn this isn’t about me stop making it about me.

ANYWAYS. it’s really frustrating to deal with this shit from nts and then go to an online nd space for community and hear people talk about anxiety disorders like we don’t face ableism. just because it’s quieter doesn’t mean it isn’t there. that AND the “it’s barely an issue” girlie i was told i wasn’t disabled enough by doctors my whole damn life i am NOT about to start hearing it from you too. you can drown in the ocean or a swimming pool or a puddle. doesn’t fucking matter. the hypocrisy irritates me so bad

#ask #ghost #marzirants #i am sick of being told i’m normal and then getting yelled at for being myself #if anyone is an ass on this post and doesn’t consider the context or nuance within i will kill :)#anywho thx ghost. that one’s been simmering for a but #a bit* whoopsies #once before i got dxed i was trying out a new therapist #and after an in-depth explanation of my fear around driving and the built up shame i had from still just having my permit #she told me to ‘just get in the car and drive’#girl do you think i didn’t try that. my whole issue is that i can’t ‘just’ do it i was hoping we could work on the THREE MENTAL BLOCKS there #anyways i never went back to her. i still seethe a bit when i think abt it #anywho. sick and tired of being denied help and then chastised when i survive anyways #like yeah i’m alive. be a lot FUCKING better if you just gave me a hand though #but noooo because i’m not falling apart in front of you clearly i’m dramatic #tbf i have an incredibly high pain tolerance and have been an expert masker since i was a child #but still. not all disability is visible asshat. am i supposed to be able to function on my own or not why is there no right answer #anywho i’ve always felt a lot of connection to those with chronic fatigue #probs bc we both have deal with ‘it’s not that big a deal’ or ‘you’re being lazy/sensitive’ or ‘just suck it up’#not to mention constant anxiety is EXHAUSTING. fight-or-flight takes up so much energy dude

9 notes · View notes