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#girl do you think i didn’t try that. my whole issue is that i can’t ‘just’ do it i was hoping we could work on the THREE MENTAL BLOCKS there
mars-ipan · 11 months
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Ya got any rants stored up? Long-burning hatred?
i FINALLY found one i’ve been holding onto this ask waiting for the opportunity.
i HATE how people treat people with anxiety disorders. it’s endless pity mixed with complete incompassion
like ok. obligatory i have generalized anxiety disorder here. a lot of things make me stressed and when i’m having bad anxiety attacks (which can last days and sometimes put me into month-long spells of misery) i get physically sick, to the point of throwing up and fever. i also tend to go nonverbal/low-verbal during these periods of time (usually bc i’m nauseous.) i’m also very prone to migraines and have a tic and wear a night guard due to jaw clenching etc etc you get the point it affects me.
when i share these symptoms with people (assuming they don’t have similar symptoms) i get a lot of frowny faces. “owh i’m sorry :( that must be awful how horrible“ and the like. and it’s never said in a way that’s actually kind. it’s said in the way people talk about those aspca commercials. and it’s never actually come from a place of genuine concern- it’s superficial pity apparently meant to placate me. i hate it
and that’s assuming i even get that reaction at all! usually when i try to explain to someone that i’m experiencing symptoms of some sort like “hey i’m sorry i can’t really be productive right now, i’ve got a lot of brain fog” i am ALWAYS dismissed. EVERY time. maybe it’s because i’m quite skilled at coping and masking. maybe it’s because my panic attacks don’t (always) look like wailing and thrashing and choking on air. but for some reason people don’t seem to understand that yes my anxiety disorder is actually disabling for me sometimes. i will ask for an accommodation i need, be compared to someone else with different needs from me, and then be told i need to just suck it up and deal with it. and i am SO! TIRED! OF! IT!!!! the amount of times i’ve told people “hey please don’t say that to me i’m prone to paranoia about xyz” and then been yelled at because “it’s not that serious take a joke” is ABSURD. hey maybe stop telling me my cough is covid bc now i have to spend the next 3 hours reminding myself that i don’t have any other symptoms asshole!!! jesus
and THEN when i actually DO find a way to cope or utilize the way my brain works or god forbid crack a fucking joke about it people get mad at me. “see i knew it wasn’t a big deal” or “so you’re actually fine” or “that’s not funny” i am. so tired of it
and then i go online and see people saying that disorders like anxiety and depression have been destigmatized and we’re treated basically the same in neurotypical society. motherfucker i did not go undiagnosed for 17 years with several doctors telling me it “wasn’t anything to worry about” despite my family history and clear signs from a young age just to be told my disorder is respected. if i say my anxiety is a disability i get called dramatic and am told to stop taking attention away from people who need it- or not to call it a disability because “it’s not that bad” and i’m fine because clearly having a disability makes every second of your life miserable of course of course. hell anxiety is demonized too! not as badly as many other illnesses but it’s still demonized!!! if i tell people “hey i have anxiety so please be careful with xyz” they act like i just asked them to let me do anything i want without consequence. there’s literally a whole fucking stereotype of people using “anxiety” as an excuse to be lazy or an asshole or entitled. as someone whose anxiety manifests in depressive spirals (freeze response) and rejection sensitivity (doom spiraling) this is Not Great!!!!! like i am hypervigilant about enough things i do not need to add “will these people get mad if i explain how my brain works” to the list
and about the rejection sensitivity. i HATEEEEE when people judge me for crying because they’re upset at something i’ve done wrong. “mars if you’re in the wrong then you’re not the victim” who the fuck said i think i’m the victim???? i cry because my brain takes “can you pls stop doing this it genuinely bugs me” and turns it into “you’re a horrible person how could you do this to someone they hate you.” but just because that happens doesn’t mean i’m not capable of rational thought!!! i KNOW realistically that my friends are good communicators and share that stuff because they like my company. i just need to cry about it as well. that doesn’t negate my logic or say i won’t actually try to improve myself. i’m just upset that i made the mistake. obviously i’m gonna fix it. that one REALLY pisses me off esp when i warn someone in advance that i do that. like calm the fuck down i’m not even pointing out that i’m crying rn this isn’t about me stop making it about me.
ANYWAYS. it’s really frustrating to deal with this shit from nts and then go to an online nd space for community and hear people talk about anxiety disorders like we don’t face ableism. just because it’s quieter doesn’t mean it isn’t there. that AND the “it’s barely an issue” girlie i was told i wasn’t disabled enough by doctors my whole damn life i am NOT about to start hearing it from you too. you can drown in the ocean or a swimming pool or a puddle. doesn’t fucking matter. the hypocrisy irritates me so bad
#ask#ghost#marzirants#i am sick of being told i’m normal and then getting yelled at for being myself#if anyone is an ass on this post and doesn’t consider the context or nuance within i will kill :)#anywho thx ghost. that one’s been simmering for a but#a bit* whoopsies#once before i got dxed i was trying out a new therapist#and after an in-depth explanation of my fear around driving and the built up shame i had from still just having my permit#she told me to ‘just get in the car and drive’#girl do you think i didn’t try that. my whole issue is that i can’t ‘just’ do it i was hoping we could work on the THREE MENTAL BLOCKS there#anyways i never went back to her. i still seethe a bit when i think abt it#anywho. sick and tired of being denied help and then chastised when i survive anyways#like yeah i’m alive. be a lot FUCKING better if you just gave me a hand though#but noooo because i’m not falling apart in front of you clearly i’m dramatic#tbf i have an incredibly high pain tolerance and have been an expert masker since i was a child#but still. not all disability is visible asshat. am i supposed to be able to function on my own or not why is there no right answer#anywho i’ve always felt a lot of connection to those with chronic fatigue#probs bc we both have deal with ‘it’s not that big a deal’ or ‘you’re being lazy/sensitive’ or ‘just suck it up’#not to mention constant anxiety is EXHAUSTING. fight-or-flight takes up so much energy dude
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kombuuuu · 11 months
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Miles 42 headcanons?
no one asked but i’ll deliver !!
Miles!42 x Fem!Reader random headcanons
also a lot of snippets :)
You/Reader: Blue
Miles Morales: Purple
Mama Rio/Rio Morales: Pink
Uncle Aaron/Aaron Morales: Orange
Random/stranger: Black
gift giving love language duhhh
Will have you walk with him through malls and whatever you look at for a second too long he buys
You don’t catch on until you’re both eating at a nice restaurant, absentmindedly staring at some plant when a lull in conversation happens.
He purchases the plant.
“Fuck you mean I can’t buy it?”
“Sir, the plants aren’t for sale, this is a dining establishment.”
“Establish the fact I’m gettin’ that plant.”
“Sir—“
50 bucks down and a plant 🆙
He will damn right die if you refuse him. He’ll get all grumpy and pouty when you say he should save for a house, not for you.
convinced you just get shy when bought things (you do).
is even more motivated to buy things
“Miles, baby, you need to save up. Not spend on me!”
“This would look so good on you, Ma.”
“Are you listening??”
“Fuck, and this.”
“Oh my god.”
gets so jealous it’s unbelievable
but only when someone goes too far with you
it’s like 1–100 real quick
he’s not usually the prowling type (ha)
but when someone pushes the line he loses his shit
other than that he’s a supportive bbg all the way
“Wanna go home with me, butterface?”
“Fuck you just say?”
“Nothing homie just get outta here.”
“Say that shit again ‘homie’.”
“Chill the fuck out. Let the lady speak for herself.”
“I’ll fucking speak for my girl all I want, homeboy.”
maybe got a liiiiittle bit of an anger issue
guy went home with a broken nose and a missing tooth
better hope he can afford fill ins
he would never get mad at you though
he gets frustrated you don’t listen sometimes, but it’s never to the point of anger
feel like he has the patience of a fucking SAINT
calm and collected baby u know the deal
“Mami, we gonna have a problem?”
“”
“Didn’t think so.”
a SWEETHEART at times
stand by him being raised right
mama rio taught him to be a romantic
wanted him to take after his dad
so flowers and gifts and chocolates
followed by lovin of any kind
probably a baby for affection but doesn’t show it
so when you get all emotional about being gifted roses for the first time
and hug him and smother him
give him stupid little kisses all over
he’s fainting
poor boy doesn’t know love like u show him
“Baby, are these for me?”
“Yeah, Chiquita. They okay?”
“Wh… They’re perfect.”
“Are you cryin’? I can return ‘em.”
“No! No, no, don’t do that.
I love them, C’mere.”
when you guys get rlly comfortable, like a year and some dating, he ends up getting more chatty
willingly talking w you for hours
feels like you’re the only person he can rlly do that with
rambles so rarely that you kind of just sit in awe when it happens
doesn’t catch himself until he’s trying to name your future kids
“I’ll marry you one day, we’ll have like two, three kids. Get all nice an cozy.
You want a boy or girl? I kinda want both. Definitely not girl first, never having a girl without a brother to protect ‘er.
You’d be such a good Mami.
What’d you wan’ name ‘em? I have a few ideas—“
“..”
“But you could choose the girl cause I don’t know any pretty names. And i’ll choose—“
“..”
“..”
“You gon’ let me keep goin?”
“I love your voice.”
“Tranquila, mami.”
Takes you to every family event he ever has
sits you regularly with Rio and Aaron
they insist you call them uncle and ma
you do, obviously
miles doesn’t need to meet your family if you don’t want him to, but if he ever does he’s totally suave with them
like weirdly smooth
able to get on ur carers good side quick
when you meet his extended family they’re just as loving
his whole family is this bright dash of colour
and you fit right the fuck in
“¡Oh, hija estás preciosa!”
“Dice la estrella de la fiesta!”
“You flatter me, Hija.”
“Miles, come get your girl.”
“You look nice too, Uncle Aaron.”
“..Thanks, kid.”
“Hey Mami, havin’ fun?”
“Aight, I’m out.”
when you find out he’s the prowler you’re not really shocked
he’s hella nervous to tell you and kinda puts it off for a while
as long as you’re not in harms way, nothin matters, yeah?
no
the guilt eats him alive
he’s already lost so much, if he doesn’t do things right with you, then loses you too
he’d probably lose himself
so he tells you
“The Prowler?”
“Yeah.”
“The.. Panther guy I keep seeing on the news-?”
“Mm.”
“Miles are you—
..—Are you killing people?”
“Mami, it’s not like that—“
“oh my god.”
“These men— I kill,”
“Oh my god, oh my god.”
“,They’re bad, you understand.”
“Miles..”
“[Name]. Do you understand?”
“Yeah.. Yeah I understand.”
“You can’t tell anyone.”
“I won’t.”
“…”
“Are you mad.”
“I’m not happy.”
“Okay.”
you’re kind of devastated he’s killing people
but you eventually get it
like it takes a while
say a month or so
but you forgive quick
i mean, who knows what those men are doing, right?
(ur delulu but it’s ok)
he lets you have your space but talking with mama rio when she realises your absence knocks some sense into him
mans is going to GROVEL
he will fucking beg on his damn knees
knocks on your door and is already kneeling
will plead with you to come back to him
like i said a whole ass romantic
you know what’s romantic? a man who can get on his knees
he will suffocate you in gifts and affection
oh you like (insert sanrio esc character) ? look over there at that lifesize plushie woahhhh wonder who that’s forrrrrr
“Hello?”
“Mami, don’t close the door.”
“Miles, go home.”
“And please stop kneeling, the floor is dirty.”
“I’m not leaving ‘til you hear me out.”
looooong sigh
“Okay, fine— whatever, come inside. You have two minutes.”
“God, I missed you. You’re so beautiful Chiquita.”
“Three minutes.”
You talk it out easy, he’s a real smooth talker when he wants to be
“Okay Miles, I’ll see you tomorrow yeah?”
“Yeah, Ma. See you soon.”
“Wh—.. What is that?”
“Ohhh…”
“Why the fuck is it so big?”
“It said “Life Size” on the site? I was thinking like two feet tall.”
“You bought that?”
“Yeah.. I was thinkin’ you wouldn’t let me in. Would have to bribe you.”
“…That’s really cute.”
Annnnnd that’s all i can come up with i’ll probably do more later :P
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thehighladywrites · 30 days
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— “I’m just a girl!”
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☀︎ — pairing: nerd/tutor azriel x bimbo/ditzy reader
☀︎ — summary: you tell azriel you don’t know what taxes are, and that you haven’t filed them ever
☀︎ — warnings: fluff, dramatic reader, azriel being sweet and educational
☀︎ — amara’s note: man i wish i was her rn💔 also this is so fucking real bc what on earth are taxes???
series masterlist
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“Baby, please, you have got to grasp the gravity of this situation. Not filing your taxes is no joke. You could end up behind bars for tax evasion! There was a whole mandatory course last semester, didn’t you take it?” Azriel's tone is firm, his concern painted all over his face as he stands infront of you.
When you revealed that you didn't know what taxes were or how to "file" them, Azriel got worried sick, emphasizing the importance of understanding basic responsibilities like this.
He brought you into the living room, seated you on the sofa, and stood in front of you, carefully explaining step by step why not filing taxes was illegal and how to fix the situation. However, no matter how hard you try, you can't focus on his words, your attention completely consumed by his built muscles. Your mind goes blank as you find yourself daydreaming about him taking off his shirt.
Azriel knows you’re not focusing on his words, he knows you’re ogling his body, and even though he gets warm and loves it, he needs you to focus on the topic, at least for a few minutes.
“Are you paying attention, baby?”
You honestly don’t get it at all. Like, if they take tax from you when you’re shopping, shouldn’t they already know how much you owe or whatever? And who even are the IRS? Can’t you just live your life without all this complicated stuff? Why does Azriel have to make everything so...ugh, what's the word? Complicated?
“Oh my god, Azzie! Stop it, I don’t wanna do this and I don’t understand anything. Please, I’m just a girl!” you exclaim dramatically pulling your knees to your chest as you hide your face in your hands, tears prickling in your eyes. You’re feeling completely overwhelmed by the situation and the sheer thought of dealing with stupid taxes.
Azriel sighs deeply, his brows furrowing as he takes off his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose. If he doesn’t have a gray hair by the end of the week, he’ll consider it a win. As much as he wants you to understand what is wrong with basically committing a crime, he doesn’t want you crying, he feels sick to his stomach seeing you so sad but he just has to fucking ask.
“You’re—You're just a girl— sweetheart, what does that even mean?” he asks gently, completely flabbergasted by your statement.
You fold your arms over your chest, chin held high as you say, “Ya heard me, m’just a girl. And that means i should not be doing any of this, i should be living my best life instead of thinking about whatever taxes are.”
Azriel just looks at you with raised eyebrows, man you’re stressing him the fuck out. Luckily he caught your illegal activities early otherwise you would have gone to prison for sure. Even though he thinks it was ridiculous for a person to have never done their taxes ever, he doesn’t hold you against it. He just slumps his shoulders, taking a breather. Azriel can never be mad at you, never at his sweet angel. Especially not when you look so upset, big sparkly eyes looking at him with worry.
It’s in that moment. That tiny moment, he decides to never confront you with your mistakes. Sure you almost went to jail, but Azriel is here now. He is intelligent enough to think about the more serious issues for the both of you. And he will for the rest of his life, not because he has to, but because he wants to. He wants to take care of you.
“You’re right, my love, you shouldn’t worry about this. I’ll take care of it,” Azriel assures you, his tone gentle as he tucks a strand behind your ear.
You look up at him, eyes shiny with unshed tears as your face lights up before you stand up and jump into his arms, showering his face with kisses, your excitement bubbling over.
“Awe, you're the best baby, I love you so, so, soooo much!” you exclaimed, your words flowing freely in your ditzy excitement.
He laughs shyly, still getting nervous when you show him affection. “I love you too, beautiful.”
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theemporium · 3 months
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Honey, I’m so so sorry. But it happens to every artist at some point.
I had a smallest idea, Lando and his girl workinv on her gag reflex, doing some training 🥵🥵
And he’s trying to be sweet and caring BUT his dominant side takes over for a moment or two???
thank you for requesting!🫶🏽
.
As stupid as it sounded—and trust me, he knew how it sounded—Lando thought the determination in your eyes might’ve been the hottest thing about the situation. 
Not the fact his cock was down your throat. 
But, fuck, it drove him fucking crazy. It drove him crazy when you walked into the living room, brows furrowed and lips pursed like you already had a game plan. It drove him crazy when you told him to take his sweatpants off, zero explanation or context given. It drove him crazy when you kneeled down on the carpet before him and pressed the palm of your heel against the bulge in his boxers. 
Now, Lando wasn’t stupid or oblivious. He was big. He knew he was big. He was fucking cocky about it. And truthfully, he didn’t really care about his size—at least, not in the way you seemed to. If anything, there was almost a shot of pure, ego-stroking cockiness that flashed through him when past partners had failed to take all of him in their mouths. 
Lando didn’t even think you had an issue with it. He certainly didn’t. Fuck, to him, it never mattered if it was just the tip or half his cock, your mouth just felt heavenly and drove him to the edge every single time in minutes.
But something had tipped you over the edge. Something had made you determined. Something had made you want to take Lando’s cock down your throat, every single fucking inch like it was a challenge you were going to complete no matter what.
And that fucking ambition might have him coming and ruining your whole challenge in seconds with the way you were looking up at him, eyes wide and glossy and so fucking adamant that it made his breath hitch.
“Shit, shit, shit,” he chanted breathlessly, slumped back against the couch as your tongue ran over the slit on his tip. “Shit, baby, I’m already hard. Can’t keep pulling tricks like that if you want me to last.”
Your hand continued to pump the rest of his length as you pulled off, grinning at him with those red and swollen lips. “But I like the sounds you make.”
His eyes fluttered shut. “Fuck.”
“Can’t wait to hear what noises you made when your cock is down my throat,” you continued, pressing light kisses along the length of his dick that left his hips bucking into your hand. “Can’t wait to feel how full you make me.”
“You’re a fucking menace,” he breathed out, muttered out with a soft cry as you licked a long strip from his balls to his tip. 
“You say that like you don’t want it just as bad,” you retorted, flashing him an innocent smile that he almost would have believed if it weren’t for the fact your chin was slick with drool and his precome. 
“Of course I want it, baby,” he muttered as he reached his hand out, brushing his fingers along your cheek before his fingers raked through your hair and remained there. “Can’t fucking wait to feel that pretty mouth around my cock, feel you squeezing me tight.”
Your face heated at the desire burning in his eyes as he guided your mouth back to his cock. You followed without hesitation, obeying the silent command as your lips wrapped around him again.
“So fucking determined to be the first, hm? To be the one to take all of me,” he cooed, something about the smirk on his face making your thighs clench together as he began to control your movements, control the speed your head bobbed up and down. “Just wanna be good like those girls in those videos you think I don’t see you watching, huh?”
You let out a pathetic noise around his cock, something quite like a whimper that made him grin wider. 
“My good girl wants to be like one of those fucking pornstars, huh?” Lando moaned as his hips jerked up, as those teary eyes stared up at him with such purpose.  “Shit, baby, gonna let you practise until you’re so much better than them.” 
You whined, your eyes fluttering shut as a soft gagging noise sounded through the room as his cock hit the back of your throat.
“Shhh, doing so well, baby,” he cooed, sounding almost patronising as you let him continue to fuck his hips up into your mouth. “Atta girl, baby, gonna be taking me all in no time.”
.
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kittykattropicanna · 4 months
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it's 2 am and i should sleep but i just read your prison penpal!ghost now it's rotting my brain!!!! ><
reader would so try to send him gifts if they're allowed. special holidays aren't miserable for him anymore as he would be accompanied by reader's sweet little presents!!!
Sleeps for the weak baby, sleep when you’re dead ;)
Of course you're going to look after your man, he does so much for you, the least you can do is send him some money to treat himself!!! maybe a gift or two you dirty girl :3
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I know I promised to upload this last night after work but I was sleepy. IM SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME
TW: edging, Si fucks himself with your dirty panties, smut, masterbation (Reader and Simon) its just fucking disgusting and dirty, but also kinda sweet <3
PrisonPenPal!Simon masterlist
Regular masterlist
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Absolutely, holy shit. After your first phone call, you’re his, he makes that so unbelievably clear through his next letters. :)))
Telling you how much he craves you, how you’re the only thing on his mind, describing in intimate detail how his gonna touch you, kiss you, fuck you :((((
His so fucking desperate for you, to the point he actually gets enraged knowing he can’t touch you. Just the thought of you being on the other side of the wall makes his skin crawl, you’re right there, only thick cement dividing him from you :(( 
Its even worse knowing that he can’t do anything about it >:(
Si’s a problem solver, he prides himself on being able to weasel his way out of practically any situation without a problem, if that’s  reducing his sentence down to basically nothing or getting away with his little late night phone calls with you. He always finds a way to make it work, but for the first time ever, he can’t fix this, his stuck here. No exceptions, no sweet talking to get what he wants, no amount of calculated manipulation could get him out of this situation, and it makes him go absolutely mad. 
At this point he has a year left of his sentence, his so fucking close to being let back into society, so close to finally being with you :(((
Letting his emotions (and dick) cloud his judgment, driving him to think about making stupid decisions such as an attempted jail break would be absolutely the worst idea of his entire life.
Ohhhhh, but its so tempting :(
But it would just put more time between you and him, as much as he wanted you now, he knew it was only going to rip him away from you again in the long run :/
And that’s if his even successful, one night with you would mean the world to him, but it wasn't worth being thrown back in jail, only separating the two of you for longer :(
He just needed to sit tight, let the days roll on and try not to think about your soft moans through the shitty speaker of the prison phone. :(((
He absolutely asked you to be official after speaking to you for the first time. It drives him crazy knowing when guys try and hit on you at the bar, you smile brightly and tell them that you're his, his to keep. 
One of the guards asked him what’s the first thing his going to do when he gets out, with a dopey smile he chuckles a little
“See ma’ missus mate” his so fucking cute, his actually so obsessed with you, so proud that you’re his ;))))
Of course the other inmates wouldn’t know, and technically he most definitely shouldn’t of told a guard, news spreads, but he couldn’t help it, it slipped out, and you know what, he was fucking proud of it :)))
You 100% would send him money and gifts, Si makes a little money, about £35 a week either cleaning, laundry duties, basic maintenance, basically anything the job program can offer him. 
The only issue being when he first signed up, he made sure that all his money was payed into Price’s bank account. He didn’t want to risk using it, the whole reason he started the work program was because he wanted to try and set himself up once he got out, at least have some type of savings waiting for him on the other side. Every now and then he regrets it, but he knows its for the best :/
Learning that Si was so strict with his money that he didn’t treat himself to anything didn’t sit well with you….and its not like you’re struggling financially, you work a good job and your daddy is always willing to send money if you ever needed it!!!!
A hundred odd pounds a month isn’t going to leave any sort of dint in your bank account, so of course your going to send Si some money to treat himself!!! You’re such a sweet, sweet girl :(((, his sweet, sweet girl. 
You start sending the maximum amount each month which comes out to about £150, its the least you can do!! His your boyfriend! he might be a felon, a little perverted and rough around the edges, but to you, his perfect :)))
His so grateful as well :(( treating himself to snacks :((( chocolate bars, skittles and gummy’s, buying himself a book or two, replacing his flat, stained pillow and ratted blankets, getting himself some actually nice soap and a new toothbrush, buying clothes that actually fit him!! 
His muscles have grown so much since being locked up :3 there’s nothing else to do besides lift weights, work and sit around :((((
“Sweetheart, I want ya’ to know, the second I get out of here, imma treat you real nice, give ya’ everything I can, look after ya’, protect ya’”
and
“The minute I get ya’ home, its all about you, yeah? Imma lay ya’ down and eat ya’ like a starved man, overstimulate that little cunt till ya’ beggin’ me to stop, fuck ya’ so deep and hard that you’ll forget ya’ fuckin’ name, whatever ya’ want darlin’ its all yours, been lookin’ after me so well….. imma show ya’ how much I appreciate it, as ya’ can probably tell, i’m more a man of action, poetry an’t ma style baby ;)”
Definitely learns origami from other inmates, makes little paper swans and hearts for you, the paper always being a little stained from his dirty fingers, obvious crease marks showing his folded it the wrong way and had to reattempt :))))
God he knows how to treat a women :33333
But what I really want to get into are the gifts you send him…..;)
As I established in my last fics about you sending things to Si, you absolutely send him innocent gifts. 
Photos, one of your favourite gold necklaces, an oversized tee that smells like your perfume…. Cute little personal things so he can have a piece of you, nothing crazy :3
I feel like you were reading a spicy romance book. It mentioned the main character stealing his lovers used panties out of her dirty laundry basket, very quickly and idea clicked in your brain :((((
You wanted it to be a surprise for him :(((( you didn’t mention it to him in your letters, only telling him your working on a little something that’s crafted just for him ;))
Waking up in the morning you make sure to fuck yourself with your fingers :(( 
Covering your panties with your juices, making sure their absolutely soaked in your cum :((
Rubbing your thighs together while you’re at work, soaking through your panties with your arousal :((( thinking about Si eating your pussy just like he promised while in important meetings, loosing focus…. your boss pulling you aside and asking if you’re okay :(( 
Scrambling to find an answer to explain your distracted behaviour and flushed cheeks >:(
He ends up sending you home because you’re distracting everyone with your aloofness :(( putting the rest of your team behind because you're a selfish girl with a dirty mind >:( can’t even focus in your workplace because Si’s dirty words have taken over every aspect of your thoughts >:(
At the end of the day your panties are ruined with your slick, soaked  all the way through and smelling of your orgasm just like you planned ;))
And when Si received your thong obviously used??? :000000 he let out a low grunt....
Just the idea that you did this for him, fully confirming in his mind that you wanted him, craved him just as much as he craved you made something animalistic set off in his mind….
Because he received your package in the middle of the day, he couldn’t hide and tend to himself like normal >:((((((
He needed you now, he needed to fuck his cock NOW, not wait till his cell mates were asleep, his heavy balls ached and he knew if he didn’t relieve himself soon, his blue balls would become unbearable >:(((( aching and hurting with each step, uncomfortable and frustrated :(
Purposely being a dick and coursing havoc with his inmates so he can be locked up for his disruptive and disrespectful behaviour ;)))))
A shit eating grin when his in handcuffs being walked to his cell, knowing your panties are tucked into his boxers ;))))) his won yet again ;)
Like I’ve said before, and I’ll say it again, he ALWAYS gets what he wants :)))
The second his cell locks his ripping his hard, leaky cock out and wrapping your used panties around himself :((((
Pumping his fat dick, the friction of the fabric making it that much more satisfying :((((
Closing his eyes and imagining you walking around all day, turned on and flustered for him >:((((( the idea of you restricting yourself from fucking other men because you're his, knowing all you want is to be filled with dick, have the feeling of a real cock fucking you, not your cold, rubber dildo >:(
His precum mixing with your juices only turns him on more, knowing that this is the closest he’ll get to fucking your cunt for now :(( 
As his big hands slowly pump his dick, wanting to savour the moment, he lets out animalistic grunts, slowly speeding up and then slowing his pace, he edges himself almost whimpering when he refrains from his release yet again :(((
Something about holding back satisfies him, his training himself for you, getting ready for when he fucks you for the first time, wanting to hold out long enough that he can rip orgasm after orgasm out of you, forming a white rim of your cum around the base of his cock :(((
Grunted whispers of your name falling from his lips as he tries to hold back yet again, legs twitching and face getting hot as uncontrollable ropes of cum finally release from his vainy cock :(((
His never cum that much in his life, your panties damp with his semen, dick so sensitive that even the feeling of the fabric from his boxes makes him flinch >:(((
You’re such a good girl, always knowing how to please him, feels like you know him inside and out already ;)
You just wait until he gets his hands on you sweet girl ;))) 
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Y'all are so fucking obsessed with each other I CAN'T
PrisonPenPal!Simon is open for requests so feel free to send them throughhhhh, add to the AU, ask me expand on certain topics, whatever floats your boat >:)
!Disclaimer! - Above is NSFW content - MDNI - If you follow my blog without your age in your bio, you will be blocked - If you are under the age of 18, you are not welcome here, otherwise, enjoy :)
Cat divider sourced by @positively-mine from Pinterest - Pink line divider by @eloquentreverie - MDNI divider by @cafekitsune
Basic blog housekeeping -  fic requests guidelines, boundaries and my rules for minors
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smooth-perceval · 4 months
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“Merry Christmas wherever you are.”
Charles Leclerc x Reader
Summary: Reader attempts at soothing their child- and when all fails she calls the one man they both need.
Warnings: Self-Doubt, fluff, Google translate, Charles being cute, not every Christmassy… NO PROOF READ!!
Key: Y/N (your name) Y/L/N (your last name) Juliette (Yours and Charles kids name) Jules (her nickname)
Word count: 744
A/N: I’m sorry… I didn’t stick to my schedule I really have a bad timing issue- infact schedule issue. Sorryyyy! But to make up for it I got some good fics coming 👀
Or so I think are good. Also sorry this isn’t as Christmassy…
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I wanted to cry, I was on the verge of tears and crawling into a corner… Juliette had no way of settling- in fact she was practically screaming the house down.
The one thing I didn’t want to do was call for help- because I’m her mother I can do this… but yet I still found myself picking the phone up and dialling the one man I need right now.
“mon chéri? You okay?” (My darling) A panicked Charles picked up the line before the first ring, and if Juliette wasn’t screaming so loud I probably would’ve sat and twirled my hair at how cute he is.
As soon as I heard the words ‘you okay’ I bursted into tears along with our baby. “Charles I don’t know what to do… she won’t stop crying!” Taking heavy breaths I gently placed my hand onto of Juliette’s tummy trying to soothe her.
“Chérie… breathe- take some deep- just one minute.” (Darling) I heard him rustling around and a door click shut on the other end of the call, he must’ve had to run away from the team for my breakdown… gosh do I feel like the worst mother and partner…
“Let me FaceTime you-” sniffling I moved the phone away answering Charles FaceTime call.
“hé ma jolie fille…” (hey, my pretty girl), even though he was across the waters- seeing his face washed a sense of relief over me… and oddly enough Juliette’s cries got quieter slowly- crazy huh, her fathers voice is the answer to both our prayers.
“I’m so sorry… I know your busy- I just I don’t know what to do…” sniffling once again I looked down at Juliette who was also sniffling… eyes opening and closing slowly proving to me she is tired yet has been fighting it this whole time. “Family always comes first how many times do I tell you this.”
“I know I just feel like a terrible mother I can’t soothe my own child…” and now I’m setting off again, tears rolling down my cheeks- lip quivering. Which also to my expense set Juliette back off.
“Y/N you’re the most perfect mother- Our Juliette is so lucky to have such a perfect woman in her life. Now stop doubting yourself, okay?” Nodding slowly I wiped away my tears taking another deep breath. “show me our gorgeous girl.” Smiling a little I turned the camera so they can both see each other.
“Hé mon bébé!” (Hey my baby!)
And just like that she calmed back down again, her dad has that effect on us both I guess. “I’ll be home soon princesse.” (Princess)
The most adorable yawn escaped her tiny body, legs and arms both kicking up and down and the smile back on her face. “Now’s time for you to sleep Jules… no more crying. Go to sleep princesse.” (Princess)
My finger danced over her face delicately, and soon she was falling asleep. “bébé?” (Baby?)
Humming I turned the camera back around, relief washed all over my face. “I’ve got to go now mon amour… are you going to be okay?” (My love) Looking down at Jules who was practically in a slumber, eyes opening every now and then. I paused for a moment, before taking a deep breath and nodding at Charles. I’ve got this- I’m her Mother, I’ve got this.
“I’ll be okay… thank you.” Lying back on the bed I looked at the FaceTime, hand resting on Juliette’s belly once again. “Don’t thank me… I’m sorry I’m not home for Christmas, especially the first as a family.” Sighing he moved the screen closer to himself. “Just means we get two huh?” Smiling a little I leaned forward kissing the camera of my phone. “I love you Charles Leclerc, come home to us soon.” Smiling a little at him, his eyes seemed to well just a little, a small sight of tears. “As soon as I can mon chéri… I love you more.” (My darling)
Then the screen went off, and silence engulfed the room… Juliette’s soft snores were the only thing heard.
And when the silence becomes a soothing lullaby, and the twinkling of the Christmas decorations become a trace, I placed a gentle kiss to my fingers- waving it off into the air. “Merry Christmas, wherever you are.”
Little did me and Jules know- our favourite person was waiting on a flight home and would be here when we wake, our Christmas miracle.
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strniohoeee · 6 months
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Disdain
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Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader ⚠️SMUT⚠️
Synopsis: Matt wants to keep Y/N, but won’t be her man’s, so what happens when they go to a Halloween party, and Matt sees something he doesn’t like🫠
Warnings⚠️: This is straight up SMUT. There’s smacking, degrading, manhandling. It’s just filthy sooo read at your own risk
Song for the imagine: Drama-Roy Woods ft. Drake, Thong Song- Sisqo
This story is 18+, so if you’re a minor DO NOT INTERACT⚠️
Matt and I had been in this weird gray area of being a couple, but not really being a couple. Like he was so sweet to me, and would take me out on dates and treat me like his girl, but then wouldn’t call me his girlfriend or be with me publically.
I hated it so much because he would treat me like I was his, but really I wasn’t, and anytime I brought this up he would go on this whole rant of “it doesn’t matter . Who cares about labels” My issue with that was he’s had girlfriends publically in the past, so I wasn’t sure what changed when it came to me.
About a month ago when he and I were doing really well, and acting like a real couple we decided we wanted to be Jessica Rabbit and Roger Rabbit for this Halloween party his brothers and I got invited to. Slowly I started looking into buying the costume parts, but when he started pissing me off I had only purchased the red sparkly strapless dress.
About two weeks before the party I decided I was no longer going to match costumes with him, but I didn’t tell him I wanted him to look like an idiot. Just how he made me look like one
The night of the party I had went over to the triplets house to get ready with them. Still Matt didn’t suspect a thing, but I had been distant these past two weeks not really talking to him or hugging or kissing him. He just assumed we were on our “break” and he didn’t really care. Not shocked
The party started at 11, and we were all finishing up our costumes. We decided to all walk out one by one and show them off.
Nick was Corlines other dad, and Madi was the other mother, Chris was Steve Harrington, and Matt came out dressed as Roger rabbit.
The only person who knew I changed my costume was Nick, and he was trying to keep his composure looking at Matt dressed like a fool.
“Okay Y/N come out” Madi said clapping her hands together
I walked out in my strapless sparkly red dress that pushed my boobs up nice and high, and the slit was from my bikini line down to my ankles. Sadly I wasn't going to be going commando as my whole ass would be out with a slight movement, so I had on a red thong. I had a gold leg garter that had a red heart on it, and my black stiletto heels. I had my makeup done like a sad flapper
“What do we think” I said spinning around
“BETTY BOOP” Chris screamed jumping up and down. Betty boop was one of Chris weird cartoon crushes
I nodded my head at this giving them a slight spin around
“You look so fucking hot” Madi came screeching over to me and grabbing my hands
“Y/N this costume is too good” Nick said in a giddy way
“What the fuck” Matt finally says with a straight face
“Oh I forgot to tell you I didn’t want to do a matching couple costume since we aren’t a couple” I said giving him a fake frown
“Ouuu she got you good” Chris said laughing at his idiot brother
“Whatever I look like an idiot, and I’m changing my costume” he said standing up abruptly and going to his room
About 10 minutes later he came back downstairs dressed as a cowboy. He looked hot I can’t deny, but he wasn’t my man so fuck him
We had all piled into the car as Matt drove us to the party at Larrays house. We knocked on the door and Larry opened it
“BITCHHHHH yall look so fucking good” he said letting us walk into his house
“Okay matty poo with the slutty little cowboy costume” Larry said, and to this Matt gave him a half smile, and then he walked away from us
“Oh what crawled up his ass” Larry said looking at us
“Y/N decided to not match costumes with him, so now he’s all pissy” Chris said
“Oh boy bye, Y/N you look so hot like Okayy with the red thong I see you” he said, grabbing my hand and spinning me around.
“Thanks baby” I said hugging him
We were at the party for a good two hours at this point. I had drank two drinks, and was feeling so confident, and decided I wanted to dance. Initially I was looking for Matt, but when I saw him he was shooting darts into my eyes with his arms crossed over his chest, and his jaw clenched. I just rolled my eyes, and looked for someone else
I had grabbed any random influencer I saw, and asked if they wanted to dance. Of course they did a random girl wanting to grind on them? How could they say no
As we got to the dancing area Thong Song started playing
Immediately I started jumping in excitement
“This is my fucking songggg” I screamed and pushed us to the center of the “dance floor”
At first I was dancing alone, running my hands all over myself swaying my hips while I sang the song. A circle had opened up surrounding me dancing. I grabbed Madi and we started dancing on each other, and then I grabbed
Chris and Nick also dancing with them in a friendly way.
“LARRAY COME DANCE” I said reaching for his hands. He immediately jumped into the circle and started dancing with me while everyone cheered us on. That’s when I saw the guy I initially brought to the dance floor
“Come on hottie let’s dance” I said grabbing him. I turned around so my back was against his chest, and started to grind on him wrapping my hands around his neck as our hips swayed together
“Bitchhhhhh FUCK IT UPPPP” LARRAY screamed clapping his hands together
“SHAKE THAT ASSSSSS” Nick yelled at me
This whole time Matt was in the corner watching Y/N intensely with a straight face. Fuming that she had the audacity to even grind up against someone who she didn’t know. When his hands started running down her waist, she threw her head back laughing. Matt got so pissed he pushed himself off the couch, and started to stomp over to them. Just as he reached them the song ended, and it got quiet
“Let’s fucking go” Matt said to Y/N going to grab her arm
“Fuck no” she said pulling away
“I didn’t ask! WE ARE LEAVING NOW” he said yelling the last part and yanking her away from the boy
Everyone in the crowd is watching with a shocked face
“BYEEEE, and cute boy find me I wanna take you out” Y/N said looking back at him, and to this Matt yanked her harshly to walk in front of him
Matt brought the girl to the car opening the passenger side door for her, and throwing her in
After he got back in the car and turned it on he turned the car on, and put it into drive quickly taking off
“Aww what a gentleman opening the passenger side for me” Y/N said giggling at him
“Shut the fuck up” Matt said clenching his jaw not even looking over at the girl
“What crawled up your ass” Y/N said
“You grinding on another guy” he said bluntly
“Not like we’re a couple” she said rolling her eyes
“Doesn’t matter” he said looking over at her
“Oh but it does. YOU ARE NOT MY MAN I CAN GRIND ON WHOEVER I WANT” I said lightly
“Watch your fucking tone” he said scoffing
“Or what? You gonna hit me” She said looking at him
“Want me to?” Matt asked as they pulled up to a red light
She started to lean in like she was going to kiss him on the cheek, but instead said “go fuck yourself” she said leaning back away.
Matt looked over at her, and smacked her across the face. Harshly but not enough to actually hurt her. It was more of a sexual smack
“Don’t fucking smack me” Y/N said and smacked the boy back in the face. He grabbed her hand and yanked her in closely
“Put your hands on me again, and I’ll fucking make you regret it” he said pushing her away as the light turned green
“Don’t touch me” she said back to him, and he grabbed her hand once again and brought it down to his bulge
“Do you see what you do to me, you make me so fucking hard” he said sighing as her hand came into contact with his dick
“Oh do I?” She said palming his dick, and he slightly threw his head back
“Fuck you’re gonna make me crash” he said
“So pay attention to the road, and let me take care of you” she said taking his dick out of his pants
She spat on the tip, and slowly started to jerk him up and down
“Shit that feels so good” he said gripping the steering wheel with his left hand
She slowly took his dick into her mouth. Swirling her tongue over his tip, and deep throating him. As her head was bobbing up and down Matt grabbed her hair moaning and thrusting his hips up. Y/N gagged at this
“Sorry baby I can’t help myself” Mat said moaning, and to this she moaned on his dick
“Fuck this I need you now” he said, and slowly pulled over to a secluded empty parking lot
After he threw the car in park Y/N took her heels off and jumped to the back seat, and Matt followed.
Immediately crashing his lips to her in a heated sloppy make out session. He pulled her dress down a little bit allowing her breasts to fall out. He started sucking and groping her breasts. As her back was digging into the handle
“Fuck Matt don’t stop” she said throwing her head back a little bit
“Look at you in this slutty dress with such easy access” He said squeezing her thigh
“Matt please I need more of you” she said pushing his head back. He backed up giving her a once over before nodding his head.
He went down to her thigh and grabbed the leg garter with his teeth pulling it down and off her leg, and putting it on the arm rest
“Open your mouth” he said lightly smacking her face, her mouth opened and he shoved her middle and finger finger in her mouth
“Get them nice and wet for me” he said watching her through half lidded eyes
Y/N swirled her tongue around his fingers, and he pulled them out. Pushing her panties to the side he rubbed her clit, and slowly slid both of his fingers in
“Oh my god” she said grabbing his arm
“You hear how this pussy sounds for me” he said slamming her fingers into her, all you could hear were the most obscene sounds coming from her pussy
“Matt I’m gonna cum if you keep speaking like that” the girl said as her eyes rolled to the back of her head
“You’re not cumming on my fingers” he said, and pulled his finger out her and smacked her pussy
She jumped at this and whined. Matt slid his pants down just enough for his cock to spring out. He pumped his cock a few times before spitting on Y/N pussy
“You’re getting fucked like a slut” he said as he slid his cock up and down on her pussy
“Please Matt I need it” she said moaning and breathing heavily
He slid into her pussy completely bottoming out. They both sighed at this feeling
“This pussy is mine” he said as he harshly grabbed her breast
Matt was relentlessly pounding into the young girl. Her back banging into the door handle, and her head slightly hitting the window
“Matt please harder” she said pulling his hair
“Shut the fuck up” he said as his hips snapped in an even fast faster
All that could be heard was skin slapping, moans and the banging of Y/N’s head on the window
He started to rub her clit as he pounded even harder into her
“FUCK MATT OH MY GOD” she yelled grabbing onto his hair for support
“Shut the FUCK up” he said looking into her eyes
“I can’t Matt you feel too good” she said moaning
He repositioned her hips, and started slamming into her at an ungodly pace
“MATT MATT MATT” she started screaming
“I said SHUT THE FUCK UP” he grunts out loudly as he smacks her across the face
“Fuck Matt” she said whining
He was getting close so his thrusts started to become deep and hard. Slamming into her with no mercy. He hit her G spot really hard, and Y/N was sure she died
“FUCK MATTTTTT” she screamed
“You don’t learn do you” he said as he grabbed her leg garter and shoved it in her mouth to keep her quiet
Matt continued to pound into her, and when she started to shake he knew she was about to cum
“Come on baby cum for me” he said furiously rubbing her clit. It didn’t take much more of that. She came on his cock moaning and weeping with tears falling down her face as her thighs started to shake
“Matt cum in me” she said coming down from her high as she removed the leg garter from her mouth
Immediately after that Matt came inside her with his brows furrowed and his mouth hung open. Pumping her full of his cum. After he came down from his high he pulled out and she slid her panties back on and pulled her dress up
“Fuck that was so hot” she said fixing herself up
“You’re mine” Matt said as he finished readjusting himself
She looked over at him confused
“Whatever it is you want! I’m yours I’ll be your man, your husband, your boy toy whatever you want I’m yours” he said looking at her in a fucked our expression
“Damn you’re so pussy drunk” she said laughing at him
“Don’t push it” he said with a straight face
“I can be your girlfriend I suppose” She said shrugging her shoulders
“Don’t play with me” Matt said looking at her
“I’m kidding. Yes Matt I’d love to finally be your girlfriend” she said kissing him on the cheek
“Good because I’m never letting you go” he said kissing her on the lips
“Alright let’s head home” Matt said as he helped Y/N back to the passenger seat
“Yeah my back is fucking hurting after being slammed into the handle non stop” she said laughing
“Im sorry baby” Matt said laughing with her
“It’s okay you were fucking me so good the pain went away” she said winking at him
He just looked down shyly and then drove back to the house.
The End
This was so fun to write🤪🤪 Now I’ll be working on my request I got, so expect to see that shortly🫶🏽
-J💅🏽
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rimunagenius · 12 days
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I loveeee your writing! could you write some head canons about Caitlin clark dating a famous pop star think Sabrina carpenter and her just being obsessed with reader, talking about her non stop in interviews ect
hi anon! i love this idea and thank you so much!💕
Caitlin Clark x Pop Star!reader
you met the most cliche way but super cute nonetheless
you had been sitting court side at an iowa game after the wrap of your tour
you had been a basketball fan since you were a little girl; you played growing up and in college as well before pursuing your music career
she had caught your eye, you having a little crush on her (her confidence through the TV when you followed on tour, enticed you insanely)
your relationship is definitely she fell first and she fell harder (you fell first and she fell harder)
Caitlin loved your music, putting the whole team on you so when she saw you in the crowd, courtside, she came to impress
you just so happened to show up on the biggest night of her career (she broke all those records and she’ll say it was her playing…her teammates would say your presence contributing to her ambition to break the records quicker)
after the game, you stayed behind, talking to your other friends in the music industry who had been there when some of the team came up to you asking for pictures
Caitlin had press interviews, and when they were over so you asked to take a picture with her
“I should be asking you this question, shouldn’t i?” She smiled at you before putting her arm around your waist, and you to her taking the picture
“My biggest flex is I met my celeb crush.” You told your crowd at your small venue show. “I met the Caitlin Clark, and she’s so much prettier in person.”
You treated your fans like your friends. doing a lot of crowd work and have conversations. You told them the real meaning behind ‘because i liked a boy’
a fan had recorded and leaked the footage, it everting around everywhere and inevitably reaching Caitlin
Jada had showed Kate, who had told Caitlin
That’s when Caitlin had it bad
For the next several weeks after that clip went to the media you and Caitlin went back and forth sharing posts to your story of eachother with “stunning” (directed to you) and “i’m your #1 fan” (directed to her)
you didn’t try and hide it your lyrics more controversial than admitting you had a crush a Caitlin
then you both were at a event, you shooting your shot and inviting her as your date
You guys talked more after the stories so inviting her seemed like the right move to you in starting your evolving relationship
you guys definitely were close that night…
i’m talking paparazzi getting shots of you where Caitlin just so happened to have her arms or hands on your waist
then she started appearing more at your shows wether they were small venues or big arenas
Caitlin definitely was starting to get more confident and cocky with you
“this wouldn’t be an issue if you were my girl already”
“oh, so you got something to ask me?”
“no because you already know you want me, and you know i want you.”
Cait obv asks you to be her gf despite this, and it was very intimate and romantic
the hard launch went absolutely bonkers too because both of your fandoms were so large
you made ten times more appearances at her games, courtside, and repping her number loud and proud
you wrote songs about her, and they did so well because you guys were the model couple
“So how do you feel now that you’re dating the Caitlin Clark?” you’d get asked that so frequently the answer was automatic
“Like the luckiest girl in the world.” It was cheesy but it was true
your dream come true
you were subtle; no matter how cocky Caitlin had gotten and how she was usually the most dominant one (Cait is definitely a top and the more masc one when she’s put in a wlw relationship…can’t change my mind)
but was your biggest cheerleader and wouldn’t stop gushing about you when you came up in press interviews
she’d find ways to bring you up like
“oh, me and my girlfriend…”
“my girlfriend would’ve thought that was funny…”
“my girlfriend…”
you two were literally meant to be
two big careers matched you both
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lowgothree · 2 months
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008. ༺AND I LOVE HER༻∘
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a/n: it's been a minute sorry y'all i had no energy to write lmao 😭😭
summary: after getting unexpectedly left by your roommate, you find yourself in need of a replacement.
contents: paige is down bad. rushed (sorry).
previous. next. masterlist.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
she was wearing paige’s hoodie. smiling up at her from where she sat. on the edge of her bed, legs dangling off the side. olivia tilted her head to the side, watching as paige walked up to the bed in front of her. 
paige was smiling too but it felt more forced cautious. olivia hasn’t been this way since they first got together. paige missed it desperately but now that she had it back it felt…disappointing. 
when paige left you, she went straight to olivia’s place. for closure, is what she told herself but she knew the truth. so did you. she was running. back to what she knows, away from something new that made her feel something she never had. back to olivia. the blonde didn’t quite know what to expect but she didn’t expect what she got. olivia apologized immediately, which was already enough to shock paige but then she took the time to listen to all of paige’s concerns and then shared her own. it was too late mature and necessary and overdue.
“do you wanna watch a movie?” olivia’s voice is pure honey, sweet and thick. she reaches for paige’s hand, and paige lets her grab it but is almost repulsed by the touch. she forced herself to relax into the feeling of olivia’s skin on her own, but she couldn’t help but compare it to yours. 
do you wanna watch a movie…a simple task that she couldn’t bring herself to agree to. it’s something she used to do with you. even before olivia ended things with her. that was something for the two of you. doing it with olivia now felt like betrayal and it made paige shake her head. “no, i’m tired. can we just lay together?”
olivia smiles impossibly brighter and it makes paige’s heart sink –– guilt eating her alive from the inside out, bones and all. she pulls the blonde onto the bed beside her and takes paige’s arm and wraps it around her own waist. 
“i really did miss you…” olivia whispers, bringing a hand up to caress paige’s cheek. 
the blonde smiles slightly, opening up her mouth to say something unconvincing. “me too.”
olivia chuckles shyly. “that’s it?”
“what?”
olivia sighs and bites her lip. “is something wrong? you’re being weird…”
paige couldn’t deny it. it’s true. she couldn’t get out of her head. she didn’t want to. she wanted to stay in her head forever to avoid the problem. the thoughts of you. but she couldn’t exactly admit that she can’t stop thinking about you either…so she lies through her teeth. “no, babe…nothing’s wrong.”
olivia doesn’t pry which paige is grateful for, she simply lets her thumb rub the blonde’s cheek more. “i really want this to be different this time.”
“yeah, so do i –– ”
“no, i’m serious –– i know that our relationship was very rocky in the past and I know that I have jealousy issues. and commitment issues. and anger issues.” olivia rambles, staring 
paige’s whole face pools in confusion at olivia’s words. what the hell? “...olivia?”
“no…hear me out, okay?” she clears her throat. “i want to work on all of that..with you.”
the confusion is still prominent on paige’s face as she blinks at the girl in front of her. 
“god, i’m so bad at this.” she sighs, clearing her throat again. “i’m trying to ask you to be my girlfriend. officially.”
the blonde’s mouth becomes dry, her heart beating so hard she can hear it. the entire room goes quiet and she opens and closes her mouth a few times. this is all paige has wanted to hear from her. for so long. this was all she wanted. but it doesn’t make her happy like it should. she feels nothing but unwavering guilt. 
“i can’t.” paige sits up abruptly, feeling like she as olivia’s jaw drops. “i’m sorry…i can’t.”
“what?” 
“i slept with her.”
she isn’t sure why she chose right now to tell olivia that but it’s the only thing that came to mind. olivia was finally willing to give paige all she wanted but all she could think about was you.
“your roommate?” olivia sighed defeatedly.
“yes.”
the silence is palpable. extremely awkward. 
“it’s okay. we weren’t together…and you only did that cause i left you, right? i forgive you. we can be happy now.” 
paige sighs, this was way harder than she wanted it to be. “no…i –– i can’t be with you. i’m sorry. i can’t stop thinking about her and –– “
“what?” olivia puts her hand on paige’s arm but the blonde just shakes it off. “we can work through it…”
“no..i love her.”
FROM: SEAN
I bet you miss tina, huh? 
TO: SEAN
you’re awful
so very awful
FROM: SEAN
I know
I’m sorry
I’ll buy you lunch?
TO: SEAN
forgiven
FROM: SEAN
she hasn’t been home at all
TO: SEAN
nah she’s too busy with olivia
FROM: SEAN
Booooooo
TO: SEAN
exactly
FROM: SEAN
Do you want me to come over later?
TO: SEAN
no
it’s okay
i need to get my shit together 😭
you ended things off with ellie before they even really started, you didn’t wanna use her as a rebound. she understood, she wished you the best in your departure. now, you were just laying in bed. contemplating life. 
then there’s a knock on the door that makes you pause and drop your phone. who the hell –– ? 
you walk to the door, checking the peephole and freezing when you see her. you open the door, staring at her in shock. 
“hi…” paige looks nervous. very nervous.
“what are you doing here?” you scoff. “things didn’t work out with olivia?”
“no, actually…it was great.” paige shifts awkwardly on her heels. “she’s been great. we haven’t argued, she apologized for all the shit we put each other through. she even asked me to be her girlfriend.”
you blink up at her in confusion. that’s everything paige wanted from her. everything. “so what’s the problem?”
“she…” paige shakes her head, biting her lip and shoving her hands into the pockets of her hoodies. she looks so vulnerable. so desperate, guilty, and shameful. it makes your palms sweat. you almost don’t want her to answer your question, you almost shut the door in her face just to calm your rapidly beating heart. but you don’t. you can’t. 
“she isn’t you.”
182 notes · View notes
ursuburbanmother · 23 days
Text
I’m On Fire, But I’m Trying Not to Show It || Chapter Two
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Pairing: Angus Tully x fem!reader
a/n: Hi guys! Back with chapter two!! Thank you for all the love last chapter! You guys are too sweet! I hope you like this chapter as well, although we get a little angsty in this one oops. Also author note at the end!
Word count: 5k.
Find: Part 1
Enjoy!
December 17th, 1970. Still.
Paul Hunham didn’t think his luck could get any worse but then that moron at the Janie Patrick's Girl School had to go make his problems, his. Then at the young lady’s arrival Angus Tully practically had hearts popping out his eyes like those cartoon characters on TV. That would be an issue. An issue he had to deal with at once.
As the boys grumbled and moaned on their way to the infirmary, as if they were the Athenians sent to march to Marathon in 490 BC, he made his way to the kitchen, looking for a certain cook.
“Hello, Mary,” he greets. She sits at her desk with a cigarette between two fingers, writing something down in her notebook.
“Mr. Hunham. I heard you got stuck with babysitting duty this year. How’d you manage that?” Her tone tiptoes on the edge of teasing.
“Oh, I don’t know. I suppose I failed someone who richly deserved it.”
“The Osgood kid? Yeah, he was a real asshole. Rich and dumb. Popular combination around here.”
“It’s a plague. Uh, and you? You’ll be here, too?” God, he hopes she is. He doesn’t think he will be able to survive as the only adult on the school grounds.
To his relief she nods her head, “All by my lonesome. My little sister Peggy and her husband invited me to go visit them in Roxbury, but I feel like it’s too soon. Like Curtis will think that I’m abandoning him, you know. This is the last place my baby and I were together, not including the bus station.”
Paul pursues his lips, unsure of what to say. “Well, maybe you won't be completely alone. How would you feel about letting a female student sleep in the staff common room? We could push some couches together, I'm sure. Make a nice bed that way.”
“Female student? What do you mean?”
“I’m unsure about the exact details, but I have been entrusted by the idiots across the lake with taking care of one of their students.”
“Ahh,” Mary is beginning to understand.
He nods, “Her name is Y/n L/n, I think she and Tully are in cahoots somehow. You should've seen the way he looked at her.”
“Oh no, don't do that though. You can’t have that poor girl sleep on a lumpy couch all break. She needs a bed.”
“I just want this whole ordeal to go smoothly. If I can keep those two as far away as possible, I believe all will be well.”
“Please that Tully boy wouldn't try anything. Sometimes he is the only one to say thank you when we place the food down on the lunch tables.”
Paul mulls it over for a second. “I suppose I could give it a try. Not that I think it is wise.”
Mary smiles slightly, “I know those kids are hard to handle but hold out hope for them. Some trust too. It's not too late yet. Their brains are still moldable or whatever corny crap you teachers say.”
Paul smiles slightly, his attention pulled to the bottle of bourbon on her desk, “You mind if I uh…”
“You want some of that? All right.”
“Thank you.”
“You know this is a necessity,” Mary says as she pours the liquid into a mug for him.
“Oh yes,” for life, love, pain or the next two weeks. Paul understands too well.
“Put the bed farther away Angus,” you say, your arms on your hips and you watch him struggle to drag his bed closer to yours.
“Why? Do I smell or something?”
“It's already a stretch to think he might let us sleep in the same room, he's definitely not going to let your bed be that close to mine.”
Huffing he begins to scoot it back to its original place, “Fine.”
Music has started blaring loudly from where Teddy and Jason are bunking in. Park and Ollerman are minding their business in their own space. You are across, what you think will be the place Mr. Hunham will stay in. Your hope is that him having an accessible view will make him more lenient towards you and Angus, despite his earlier warning of having you be on your own.
You situate your lavender near the window and begin to unpack your things. Angus does the same and you can hear his rustling get faster.
“What's wrong?” You ask.
“My…” He trails off. Suddenly he storms off like a man on a mission. You ignore the magazine you were flipping through and let it fall on the floor as you get up to follow him.
You see him head directly towards Kountze. “Where’s my photo?”
“What photo?”
“I think you know what photo, and you stole it.”
“I resent that baseless accusation.”
“Give me my goddamn picture!” Angus shouts.
“Hey man, if you took the photo just give it back,” you plead exasperatedly to Teddy, already tired of his whole innocent act.
“Stay out of it Y/n, it's alright,” Angus assures you and you move back to lean against the doorway. You sort of hope Angus socks him.
Kountze leaps to his feet and stalks towards him, “You need your girlfriend to defend you now? Seriously, what's your problem, Tully? Homesick? Maybe the little boy misses his mommy?”
“Fuck you, Kountze. Leave her out of it. And hey, why are you even here anyway? Where’s your family?”
“We’re renovating our house. It’s all torn up. They’re storing the tools and stuff in my room.” “That’s what they told you? It’s winter, idiot. Nobody renovates their house in the winter. Your parents don’t want you around because you’re a fucking insecure sociopath.”
“Hey, take it easy, guys.”
You can see Angus getting angrier. His shoulders are tense and in a last ditch effort you go up to him and whisper in his ear, “Punch him later. In private. Hunham won’t even hear our reasoning for rooming together. He’ll punish you by punishing me.”
Misery loves company, right? That was the saying at least. In your mind, suffering with Angus was better than the alternative. You didn’t want to spend these two weeks inside a glass case. From what you had seen, Hunham would have no problem in making you sit at your own lunch table or study in a separate classroom. You know that is what Ms. Orchard would have done if she was forced to take in the boys. She would have locked you in your dorm and insisted it was because you would “distract” them.
You can see the gears turning in Angus’s mind. He bites the inside of his cheek and finally nods before turning back to glare at Kountze. “You’re an asshole. I just needed you to know that.”
He turns around to retreat back to the room only to run straight into Mr. Hunhams chest. Angus leaps off and leans his back against the wall. Your own eyes widened, you hadn’t even heard the man's footsteps.
He surveys the room and notes all your disheveledness. Teddy's face looks flushed while Angus is still trying to control his heavy breathing. Everyone is completely silent and too scared to even make a move.
“What is going on here?”
“They weren’t fighting,” Alex squeaked. Mr. Hunham only seems to grow more suspicious. He shifted his sights to you and his eyebrow begins to raise, “They weren’t bothering you were they.”
“No. We were just talking,” you swallow the lump in your throat.
“What about?”
“Hmm?” You hum, straightening up.
“What were you all discussing mere seconds before I barged in on what, I am sure, was a highly intellectual conversation.”
“Shocking Blue,” you blurt out and Hunham turns his head as if asking for clarification. “The band that was on the radio.”
“Yeah, we love Shocking Blue,” Angus nods. The rest of the boys chime in, faking their agreement.
“They’re so good.”
“I listen to them all the time.”
Mr. Hunham continues to look unconvinced. Without a word he walks out, and you all collectively let out a sigh of relief. For a moment, you all stare at each other with giddiness. Like when you're a kid and get away with stealing a cookie from the cooling tray. You let yourself relax but shrivel back up upon the echo of Mr. Hunham's haunting voice, “Mr. Tully, Ms. L/n, in here. NOW.”
You frown, gazing up at Angus, “I think he found the room.”
After a stern talking to, Mr. Hunham begrudgingly agreed to let you and Angus sleep in the same room. He took a string of jingle bells that hung from a nearby Christmas decoration and tied it around Angus’s bedpost so that if he dared to move, he would hear it. You two were just fine with that.
Later you were escorted to the large dining hall. Mr. Hunham sat at the head of the table as the rest of you indulged in mindless chatter. You and Angus were on your third round of rock, paper, scissors, competing for nothing, when a lady came in to set down a platter of chicken, potatoes and asparagus.
“Lovely. Thank you, Mary.” the older man says.
You wait for the initial rush of grubby hands and pushing elbows to pass before you serve yourself, when you find that Angus already did it for you. He sets down the plate in front of you and then gets himself a serving of the green vegetable on his own dish.
“Didn’t we already have this for lunch?” Jason asks.
“And it was crappy then,” Teddy says through his eager chewing. You gag at the scene.
“Consider yourselves lucky. During the third Punic campaign, 149-146 B.C., the Romans laid siege to Carthage for three entire years. By the time it ended, the Carthaginians were reduced to eating sand and drinking their own urine. Hence the term punitive.”
The woman from earlier, that you now know is Mary, returns with some water. You give her a passing smile which she returns.
“Mary, maybe you’d, um, maybe you would care to join us,” Hunham stumbles through his words.
Kountze looks up from his food then glances at you with alarm. Like he can't fathom the idea of sitting with the cook.
You think Mary can sense his disdain when you notice her demeanor sour after a glimpse in his direction. “No, I’m all right. Thank you.” She escapes through the kitchen doors.
Teddy pipes up, “I mean, I know she’s sad about her son and everything, but still, she’s getting paid to do a job. And she should do it well, right?”
The chewing and scraping of silverware halts. You and Angus gauge each other's reaction, both of you completely shocked and slightly horrified. That boy for some reason just never knows when to shut up and continues, “But I guess no matter how bad a cook she is, now they can never fire her.”
“Will you shut up!” Mr. Hunham yells loud enough for you to flinch. He slams his fork and knife down. “You have no idea what that woman has… For most people, Mr. Kountze, life is like a henhouse ladder -- shitty and short. You were born lucky. Maybe someday you entitled little degenerates will appreciate that. If you don’t, I feel sorry for you, and we will not have done our jobs. Now eat!”
You're on your bed and catching up on some reading and soaking in the orange hue that the bedside lamp offers you. The boys are still getting ready for bed, and you were graciously offered the first shift in the showers. You’re waiting for your hair to dry when Angus walks in with his pajamas on, and a towel draped over his shoulders.
“You look very dapper,” You smirk.
“Thank you,” he plops down into his mattress. “You think Walleye is still mad?”
“Probably. I don’t blame him.”
“It made for a pretty awkward evening though.”
“Not one of the worst dinners I ever had. I’d rather endure another night like this than any dinner with my parents.”
“Oh yeah,” he sighs, “Your parents... You never did tell me the reason why you’re here holding over.”
You shuffle around in your bed and bring your blanket up to your neck, “Doesn’t matter.”
“Come on, it's just me now. Tell me. I told you!”
“It's no big reason, just small ones. They didn’t specify. I didn’t want to go home. It's complicated.”
“Okay you just gave like four different excuses right there. What happened? Is it super embarrassing? Did they forget about you or something,” he laughs.
You wince at his words and pray that the world opens up and swallows you whole. Realization dawns on his face, “Oh shit. Did they?”
You nod solemnly and begin picking on the thread of the blanket, trying to make the threading come undone.
“How could they do that? The same assholes who always make a huge deal about RSVPs and invitations. Seriously?”
“It’s alright. I’ll live. I mean what would I have done if I was there? I’d be in my room and waiting for them to drag me out so they could introduce me to people. They’d act like doting parents, ditching me a second later to play blackjack with their friends.”
“I’m sorry. I wish you would have told me, we could’ve… I could have done something.”
You smile, “I didn’t tell you cause I know you. You would’ve cursed them out the minute you had hold of them. Anyways, maybe it was faith to get stranded at Barton.”
“Or bad luck,” he quips, “maybe the universe wants us to die of mundanity together.”
“Either or,” you grin. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Let's go to bed.”
Angus nods and spreads his long limbs across the bed exaggeratingly before turning to face the wall. “Whatever you want. Goodnight, Y/n.”
“Goodnight,” you go to turn off the lamp, wondering if you're being paranoid in sensing something off in the way he says your name.
Day 4 - December 20st, 1970
The last few days had been the same grueling routine. Mr. Hunham would wake you up with the banging of bedpans and you would groan and try to shove yourself deep into your pillows.
“All right, you fetid layabouts,” he would say, “It’s daylight in the swamp. Arise!”
In the quad you were all forced to run laps. You hadn’t anticipated doing exercise, so you were forced to wear some joggers from the lost and found. You had been able to convince him that walking would be better suited for you and your imaginary cramps. His face had completely paled, and he hadn’t even let you finish speaking when he said you walking would be just fine. Men and their immaturity, you think.
When Angus and the rest of the boys would pass by you, he would glare jokingly at you while you would stick your tongue out and wave him goodbye as he flew past you.
During study hall, you would read some more and ignore the ongoing feud between Kountze and Angus. In the span of the last few days, you must have read three entire books. There was a lot of downtime in between recreational time with Mr. Hunham and dinner.
Today you had all decided to walk along the river. You can hear the church bells in the distance signaling the fact that it is the afternoon. Angus is swinging around a branch while Teddy and Jason pass around a football. You steer clear of both. You walk in sync with Alex and Ye-Joon. You’ve taken a liking to them. They remind you of the little sibling you always wanted but never got.
“What about your car?” Angus suggests, “We could take it, go somewhere. Boston maybe.” Jason shakes his head, “Nah, we’d get in so much trouble. Face it. We’re stuck.”
“If we just had some way to get out of here. Just split,” Angus kicks a pile of snow.
“Well, you could put a chopper down right in the Quad.”
“A what?”
“A helicopter, dumb ass,” Teddy snaps, “His old man’s CEO of Pratt & Whitney.”
“Got his own bird,” Jason confirms, “Takes it from Stamford to the city every morning. Lands right in our backyard. Pilot’s name, Wild Bill.”
“Wild Bill?” Ye-Joon awes.
“Yeah. Flew up to Haystack with it. Took the presents and everything. Minus me,” he shrugs.
“Flying with presents, like Santa Claus,” Alex comments with glee.
“Yeah. Just like Santa Claus.”
Jason whistles and tilts his head for Teddy to “go long.” They play catch, getting farther from the group as they go.
“If I was back home right now back in Provo, it would be really warm inside, and my mom would be making baked apples, and the whole house would smell like cinnamon and brown sugar,” Alex reminisces. You smile sadly at the boy.
“That sounds so nice,” Ye-Joon agrees.
Kountze runs back suddenly and grabs one of Alex’s gloves and throws it into the river.
“What's wrong with you?” You intervene.
“Hey!” Alex says simultaneously.
“That’s what you get for ratting me out, little Mormon,” Teddy laughs, not an ounce of regret at what he just did. You tap Angus’s shoulder as you go trailing after the young boy, “I’m going to go help.”
“It’s gone! My glove’s gone!” Ollerman shouts. You continue searching for it through the clearing.
“Twisted fucker orphaned that glove on purpose. Left you with one so the loss would sting that much more,” Angus shouts back.
Ollerman looks to be on the verge of tears. He stares down at his hands and starts walking down a snowy ramp. He throws the other glove before you can do anything to stop it. He watches it disappear downstream as you make your own way down.
“Did your mother make you that?”
He nods. “It’s alright. I know where he keeps his wallet. We’ll steal it and buy a new one.”
You manage to bring out a muffled laugh from him. You consider it a win.
Angus wakes up in the middle of the night to see you knitting. He gets up from the bed to see your progress.
“Oh hello, grandma,” he scoffs. “When did you learn to do that?”
“Girl scouts before I quit. You guys had a bunch of yarn just rotting behind your auditorium stage. Did you know that?”
“No? Are you making that for the kid?”
“Yeah, I feel bad.”
“That looks like crap,” Angus chuckles as he messes around with the gloves fingers. You swat his hand away.
“I never said I earned the badge. Besides, it's the thought that counts.”
“I’m going to get a glass of water. You want some?”
“No thanks.”
Angus leaves the room, only to return a couple seconds later.
“Ye-Joon is crying,” he whispers. You furrow your eyebrows and get up to follow him. His cries become louder, and you turn the corner to see the poor boy shivering.
“Are you all right?” You ask.
“I had a nightmare,” You crouch down so you can hear him better.
“Don’t worry we get nightmares too. Right Angus?”
“Yeah, I’m always falling. Or drowning.”
“Also, I had an accident,” he weeps.
You motion for Angus to check. He doesn't have to look far.
“Yeah, you did. Shhh. Stop crying. If they hear you, they’ll crucify you. Which would be ironic, since you’re Buddhist.”
“I know it’s an excellent school, and my brothers went here. But I miss my family, and I have no friends,” he sobs full-on. You hush him gently.
“You have plenty of time to make friends. You’re like a freshman, right? I would start worrying when you're fifty and living vicariously through your kids.”
“Yeah man. You could have a thousand friends and not like any of them. What would be the point of having them then,” Angus adds.
“We’ll help you hide the sheets in the morning, all right?” You wipe his tears with a tissue from a Kleenex box nearby. “Find a dry spot and try to get some sleep.”
“Thank you,” Park smiles consoled. Before going back to bed you ask him one last thing, “Hey do you like gloves?”
Ye-Joon gives you a quizzical look. …
Day 5 - December 22, 1970
Once again, you’re all studying in silence in a fancy room with portraits of dead white guys on the wall.
Mr. Hunham clears his throat loudly and Jason leans in to mutter in disgust, “Are you kidding me? It’s only eleven and he’s already lit. I can smell the whiskey on him.”
“Can you blame him? It’s freezing in here. It’s fucking Greenland in here,” Angus retorts.
From outside you hear the faint whirring of a machine. Not a car but something else. You all approach the window and spot the helicopter flying above the trees. It lands in the quad just like Jason had said it could. An older man steps out and he looks like one of the men you imagine roam Wall Street.
“He finally caved, the big softie!” Smith exclaims. He all but skips to the door and turns to you all, “Hey, any of you guys like to ski?”
You and Hunham stay behind as the rest go racing after him, filled with hope for what must be the first time in days. He goes to subdue the riot they make as they whoop down the hall, but you stop him by grabbing a hold of the end of his sleeve.
“Uh, sir? If Jason is inviting us, would you have to call our parents?”
“That would be proper protocol, yes.”
“Oh. Is there a way I could stay here then? I never cared for skiing and my parents would say no anyway.”
“Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I’d have to ask Woodrup about this first. Come on along,” he clears the path for you.
Grumbling, you find your way to the administrative offices. Hunham, Jason and his father shut themselves in a room. The boys along with Angus all try to listen in on the conversation by pressing their face as close as humanly possible against the glass. You watch from the sideline as Jason gives you guys a thumbs up. The hallway erupts in cheers and a minute later Mr. Hunham steps out with an announcement, “Gentlemen, good news. I was able to reach Dr. Woodrup and your parents. Most of them, anyway.”
Paul glances at Angus and you. Angus expression falters.
As the rest pack, you find refuge in your room. You can, however, hear Angus’s pleads.
“Try calling again. Just one more time. Please.”
“There’s no point. The desk clerk said no one’s answering. He says they’re away on some excursion.”
“Excursion,” he repeats.
Mr. Hunham scoffs, “I’m as disappointed as you are, if not more so. I could be spending the rest of my vacation reading mystery novels.”
“Maybe they’re back by now. Just call again.”
“Okay,” he gives in and marches down the corridor.
Ye-Joon had wished you goodbye a moment ago and now does the same for Angus, “Happy Holidays.”
“Same to you.”
“Take care, Tully.” Smith follows Park, giving him a pitiful pat on the arm.
You catch Alex as he is about to exit. You’ve wrapped the gloves you worked on endless last night in newspapers. “This is for you. Try not to get them stolen by Teddy again. I don’t think my fingers can handle another round of knitting.”
Ollerman smiles genuinely, giving you a hug you didn’t expect. You’re unable to return it as he has your stiff arms completely glued to your side. You follow him out, and Angus scowls in your direction.
“Why aren’t you more upset about this? That was our only way out and we blew it.”
“Don’t be so dramatic. Did you really want to go skiing with Kountze that badly?”
“No, I wanted to get out of here badly. Your parents seriously didn’t answer either?”
“Um-.”
“Hey, you know what! Maybe Hunham can call them again and they can take us both in!”
“Angus no-,”
“Yeah, come on! Let's go ask,” he tugs at your hand to get you through the corridor.
“No Angus. I don’t want to.”
“What, why?”
You run your hand through your hair, “I asked Mr. Hunham not to ring them.”
“Wait. So, you didn’t even try to leave!”
“No! I thought I was clear the night we talked about why I didn’t want to go back to that house. If they answer they’ll pull the victim card and be all ‘I can’t believe you guys kept my child from me! Who do I sue?’ before coming to fetch me and berating me all the way back.”
“Listen, I wasn’t going to say anything because I could tell you were upset but you could have at least let them know for both our sakes. Then we could have spent the holidays in a hotel in Boston or something! We didn’t have to stay with them.”
“I knew you were off that night!” You curse the way you’ve managed to read him. “Anyways, with what money? To do what?”
“I don’t-, I don’t know… we could have figured it out.”
“I can’t believe you're getting mad at my decision.”
“It’s a pretty selfish one,” his eyes widened like he couldn't believe the words that came out of his mouth.
You gasp and hit him harshly at his side. “Ow!” he yelps.
“You’re being an asshole right now. I’ve never been madder at you in my entire life.”
“Really? What about that time I spilled mashed potatoes all over your dress? Your face was beet red,” he mocks.
You go to swat at him again only for him to dodge you. You try once more and fail, almost falling onto the floor but stopping yourself by putting your hand on the nearest wall. If you weren’t so angry this would have reminded you of the times you would wrestle when you were eight. Especially now and the way he holds you back by putting his hand on your forehead to keep you at arm's length. You give up with a huff and you b-line to your room.
“Tell Mr. Hunham I won't be at dinner tonight!”
You hear him groan behind the door you slammed shut and then the sound of his footsteps fading. In your solitude you collapse on the bed, letting out a scream into your pillow. Even though it's muffled, you hope Angus can feel it from where he is. That it reaches him and causes goosebumps to arise all over his stupidly long arms. …
You had skipped out on dinner like you said you would. Although Mr. Hunham had been polite enough to bring a plate down to the infirmary. As he handed it to you, he said lowly, “I’m not sure what that little deviant did, but I’m sure it's related to his foul mood and your absence tonight. Let me know if I can do anything.”
You almost wanted to cry at his politeness. Later he invited you to the kitchen common room and claimed there was a TV there. Considering you had only stared at words on a page for the last few days, you jumped at the offer. You saw Mary there and to your displeasure Angus had been forced to tag along so that Mr. Hunham could supervise him.
Your eyes were glued to the television, not letting Angus’s burning stare get the best of you. They were watching “The Newlywed Game” and drinking from mugs. It was not half-bad. In fact, it was starting to get pretty good to see these couples have their relationship crushed within a thirty-minute runtime with ad breaks in between.
The boy had begun throwing pieces of balled up paper at you and you picked them off your hair and tried your damnedest to not pay him any mind. You could hear him tear a new page from that magazine of his and finally you snapped at him. “Will you stop it? You’re wasting paper.”
“Thank God. You’re talking to me,” he stood straighter in his seat. “Here's the thing, I'm sorry. I should have never said that you were selfish. Cause you’re like, not. You’re honestly the most unselfish person I know.”
“I don’t want your apology right now. I’m watching TV.”
“I just got caught up in the moment is all. The truth is that-.”
“Angus, I said I don’t want to hear it!” You raised your voice loud enough to catch the attention of both Mr. Hunham and Mary.
“Everything alright back there?” Hunham takes the pipe out of his mouth to ask.
You get up, brushing invisible dust off your skirt. “Can I be excused. I’m pretty tired.”
“That’ll be fine.”
“Thank you,” You pick up your discarded book from the nearby coffee table before leaning down and whispering in Angus' ear, “Don't follow me.”
As you stomp away you hear Mary say, “We need to get those two onto this program. Win us a trip to Bermuda.”
Mr. Hunham lets out a suppressed chuckle, embracing it soon after along with Mary. You roll your eyes at the pair and their drunkenness. You’re comforted by the fact that they’ll have a big headache tomorrow. …
You’re shaken at a frantic rate. You went to sleep early but were awoken now by a mischievous looking Angus. He dangles a set of keys right in front of your face.
“What are you doing?” You squint under the harsh glare of the flashlight.
“Inviting you on a night of adventure. Walleye is completely blacked out. He won’t even notice us gone.”
“No thank you,” you turn away from him and drape your blanket over your head. He tugs it back down.
“Come on. Please?”
“I’m still not in the mood. Plus, now I’m tired.”
“Y/n,” he whines.
“If you find a cookie in a pantry somewhere you know what to do,” you murmur, already being lulled back to sleep by the warmth you feel under the covers.
“Y/n,” he says more seriously, “I am sorry.”
“I know,” you sigh. Maybe you had been too harsh. You prop yourself up on your elbows, “It’ll be better tomorrow. We will talk then.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
He embraces you tightly in a hug. As he parts away, you two are face to face. You’re able to notice his eyes gleam under the light of the moon. You wonder when his eyes got to be that dark of a brown. Those same eyes flicker to your lips. You stare at him wearily as he clears his throat, scratching the back of his neck. He walks backwards to leave, his back bumping into a nearby lamp. “Shit. Sorry. Uh, goodnight. Bye.”
You were probably disorientated. Sleep deprived most definitely. Or maybe that secondhand smoke finally got to you. Surely you were just seeing things. Because surely, your best friend hadn’t just looked at you the way songs and books always seemed to describe love.
a/n: Thanks again for reading! Just to clarify some things, obviously Y/n knows about Angus’s dad, but just like in the movie, he doesn’t let it show how much it affects him. That’s why Y/n is unaware of why Boston is such a big deal. Anyways bye :)) until next time. Let me know your thoughts.
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erwinsvow · 2 months
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sometimes the boys keep you in the dark about what they’re really up to—they think it’s easier than trying to explain everything to you. you’re real sweet, almost too nice and too sweet, so they know you’ll have your own issues with their plans. and besides all of that, you’re still a kook princess deep down, and when you get the sense that anything even remotely illegal is going on, you make the jump to panic immediately. 
so they don’t always tell you what’s going on-recon missions late at night are now exploring trips.
“why can’t we explore during the day, again? when it’s sunny?” you question, while jj shines a flashlight at your face, making you whine and cover your eyes. pope and john b share a glance.
“‘cause, princess, it’s more fun at night. otherwise pope couldn’t use all these gadgets. and it’s spooky, right?” jj throws in, hands wrapping around your stomach from behind and tickling. you start laughing, and they think they’ve avoided your question well enough for now. “see? havin’ fun now, arent’ya?”
“don’t worry, pretty girl, we’ll protect you.” you comply a lot more once john b says that.
at the chateau, when they’re all pouring over dusty old maps and books, you sit and flick through your phone until you’re bored enough to ask what they’re even looking at. the boys all exchange a glance—they do that a lot, you think absentmindedly. 
“uh, john b?” jj asks.
“um, well-” john starts, but gets interrupted by pope.
“no, jj went last time, so it’s my turn now-”
“well, i can go again, if you guys are occupied with this-”
“not gonna steal my turn, jayj.” pope walks over to you, leaving the pages behind. you smile at the attention, happy just to not be alone.
“should i go make lemonade for everyone? will you keep me company, pope?” and he nods, looking back at the boys a final time.
“sure, sweetheart, let’s go,” and he takes your hand in his, guiding you to the messy kitchen. 
just as you start cutting the lemons, you look up at pope, wanting to ask about what they were all so hyper-focused on—instead of being focused on you.
“will you tell me what they’re talking about?” you glance at pope shyly, always embarrassed since you worry if he thinks you’re dumb. 
“it’s nothing to worry your pretty head about, sweetheart. just john b’s stuff, and we’re tryna help him, s’all.” 
“can i help with anything?”
“you’re helping right now,” he reassures, and you feel giddy, starting the juice the lemons. “we all love your lemonade.” you come back with a pitcher of lemonade and a big smile, content to just lay around and watch them work into the afternoon. 
if you find out they’re gonna be on the boat, and they didn’t tell you, it’s a whole nightmare on its own. so when they finally have the perfect calm day to go use the underwater drone, they pick you up. 
you’re dolled up since it’s your absolute favorite—boat day! you’re wearing a flimsy yellow bikini and one of pope’s button ups over it, sporting john b’s old sunglasses and your matching shark-tooth necklace from jj. you climb onto the boat with your little pink cooler and the romance book you’ve been reading this week, before they take off into the ocean. 
“uh, princess?” jj asks, and you look up. he gestures at your cooler. “didn’t peg you to pack bait for us, but i mean, i’m grateful-”
“ew, jayj, no. it’s snacks!” you look at the others excitedly, opening the pink lid and taking out sliced fruit and carrot sticks. you pass them to john b, who passes them to pope, who then hands it to jj, who starts eating. “there’s also ranch for the carrot sticks, but i made it myself so it’s a lot healthier than the store-bought kind. and sandwiches for later. i love boat days.” 
you curl up with some apple slices and your book on the little seat, the boys looking at each other. a little while later, when they start what they really came out here for, john b catches jj and pope staring at you.
“i’m gonna propose. today.” 
“not if i do it first.”
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Real Love, Baby
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pairing: frankie morales x plus size!fem!reader
rating: F (talks of body image issues/insecurities/maybe a kiss of inner angst bc i’m self-soothing here, but mostly just Frankie wooing us)
wc: ~1k
frankie masterlist
Growing up curvier than all of your friends had somehow brainwashed you into believing romance had a weight limit on it. Even into adulthood, you found yourself perpetually single, watching and playing wingman to your friends who, by the grace of genetics, seemed to always have a line of suitors waiting for their shot only to be turned down.
While you admired and adored your friends for knowing that their league was far above some random dude in a bar, you couldn’t help the slight twist of jealousy blossom in your stomach every time they shooed another suitor away, simply because you couldn’t even remember the last time a man tried to talk to you in a bar.
It wasn’t the attention you wanted—hell, it wasn’t even the men that you yearned for. You simply longed to feel like all of the other girls, to experience the things they experienced, to be desired by someone without being fetishized. To live the life that every “conventionally” attractive woman got to live, one full of experience and romance and heartbreak.
It wasn’t any surprise that when the day finally came, you were severely unprepared, and truthfully, a little rude.
“Hey,” a voice sounded from behind you as you stood at the bar, watching your friend’s purses as they danced the night away with a man they’d just met that night. Expecting the usual, you sighed and pointed at the seat beside you.
“Look, if you want to talk to one of my friends, you’re gonna have to do that yourself,” you said, hardly even looking at the man who’d found his seat beside you.
“What?” he chuckled, though genuine confusion was thick in his tone.
You brought your eyes to his finally and sighed at how handsome he was. Why is it that you always find yourself attracted to the kind of men that look like they would have bullied you in middle school?
“My friend—“ you started, but the furrow in his brow cut you off. “What?”
“I didn’t come over here to talk to your friend,” he explained with a chuckle. “I came to try and talk to you.”
You couldn’t help the laugh that fell from your lips at his words, but the confusion written all over his face silenced your amusement.
“Sorry, I just—“ You shook your head and looked down at your drink, swirling the black straw inside of it around the glass. “I can’t remember the last time someone tried to talk to me in a bar.”
“Me either,” he said, offering a friendly smile that instantly made you feel safe with him even when you knew nothing about him at all. Holding his hand out to you, he introduced himself. “I’m Frankie.”
You slid your hand into his and shook it, smiling shyly as you gave him your name.
“So, Frankie,” you spoke through your fluster. “What brings you out tonight?”
“My friends,” he replied, swiveling on the barstool to point across the room at a table of muscly, masculine men who began to whistle the minute you turned to look at them. “Sorry about them. They collectively share one brain cell.”
“Ah,” you nodded and smiled again. “What about you?”
“I’ve got at least five, I think,” he said, flashing that winning grin of his. “I don’t wanna sound like a creep or anything—“
“Oh no,” you winced, making him laugh.
“No, nothing too creepy, I promise. I just,” he sucked in a breath of courage and suddenly looked endearingly boyish to you. “I’ve just seen you around a few times before, but I’m not the best at this whole…flirting thing so I never came over.”
You feel your cheeks heat at his admission.
“What finally gave you the courage?” you asked, attempting to play things cool just like your friends always did.
“My friend Pope said that if I didn’t come talk to you, he would,” he said. Turning around again, you smirked as you looked at the men who’d gone back to their conversation.
“Which one’s Pope?” you asked.
“The short one,” he said dryly, earning a laugh.
“Pretty cute,” you teased, smiling as you watched Frankie roll his eyes.
“He’s loud. He snores. He’s got shit grammar—“ Another laugh. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d connected with a stranger like this, so quickly and naturally. “I’m saving you a headache, really.”
“Well, thank you,” you grinned. “I hate loud snorers with shit grammar.”
“Oh yeah? What do you like, then?” He was really going for it now, even pulling out the casual eye drop to your lips tactic that you’d seen so many men pull on your friends before. Only now, it was working.
“I like…” You bit your lip as your eyes bounced across his features. “Brown eyes,” he nodded as though to check it off the list. “A beard,” another nod. “But mostly, I just like a man who can make me laugh.”
“Sounds like you just stumbled upon the man of your dreams,” he grinned.
“You stumbled upon me, dream boy.” Frankie laughed and nodded in agreement.
“Is there any way we can stumble upon each other again?” he asked, that nervous smile finding its way back onto his face. “Maybe for brunch?”
“A man who eats brunch,” you fawned, making a show out of fanning yourself off. “I’d be a fool to say no.”
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“Hey,” you smiled as you approached the patio table in front of the breakfast spot Frankie had picked out for your brunch date, finding him already seated and nervously bouncing his knee.
“Hey!” he chimed, a wave of relief washing away his nervousness as he stood to hug you and pull out your chair. “Thought maybe you’d changed your mind.”
“Definitely not,” you chuckled, sitting down and scooting yourself closer to the table as he resumed his seat in front of you. “Just had to give myself a pep talk in the car that forced me to run a little late.”
“Why on earth did you think you needed a pep talk to come and see me? A guy?” he laughed, his brown eyes meeting yours.
“Because you’re a very handsome guy and I’m…” You shrugged, not wanting to voice the insecurities that sat like a weight in the pit of your chest.
“You’re what? Way out of my fucking league?” he asked with a half-smirk.
“I haven’t heard that before,” you replied honestly, lifting your glass of water to take a sip.
“Well, that really fucking sucks, because you are out of my league,” he said sincerely. “Out of every guy’s league.”
“What a line,” you playfully rolled your eyes.
“It’s not a line,” he promised. “I think you’re beautiful, and on top of that, you’re really fucking witty and quick.”
“Thanks,” you blushed and swirled your straw around your cup. “Not used to being complimented this much.”
“Well, if you decide to keep me around, I’d like to try and get you used to that.”
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Five Years Later
“Jesus,” you groaned, leaning into Frankie’s side as the two of you walked into that bar where you first met, the room filled with younger people that made you question your spot here. “Are we old?”
“I’ve been old for a while, baby,” he joked, placing his hand on the small of your back as you weaved your way through the crowd to the table where Frankie’s friends sat.
“There they are,” cheered Pope.
“Aw, the newlyweds make an appearance!” Benny added with a teasing smirk.
“Maybe we shouldn’t have,” you quipped, watching Frankie pull your seat out before sitting down. “We need to find a spot to drink with people our own age.”
“Hey,” Benny said. “Just because all of you are old and settled down doesn’t mean I am. I still need to find my princess.”
“You’re going to find your ‘princess’ in a sports bar?” his brother, Will, teased.
“Frankie did,” he argued.
“And to think,” Pope mused, playfully throwing his arm across your shoulder to hug you into his side. “What could have been if Frankie never got the courage to talk to you.”
Frankie, sitting on your other side, swatted his friend’s arm off of you before pulling your chair closer to his.
“Thankfully, we’ll never know,” he said, leaning over to kiss your shoulder. “I’ve got her locked down now.”
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rainylana · 1 year
Text
“My angel baby, I’m here.”
Eddie Munson x female reader
summary: eddie finds out that you self harm.
warnings: reader self harms and is severely depressed, undertones of poor eating habits but very brief, language, lots of tears, blood, angst to the max, mentions of periods.
a/n: this is the longest that i’ve posted yet since getting back into writing and i’m super happy with how it turned out! it is a sensitive topic so it won’t be for everyone. this is dedicated to all the ones who can relate to this fic. i hope you all have an eddie in times when it gets too much. please let me know what you think. it means the world and more than you can imagine.
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You knew that what you did was not healthy. You knew it was sick and messed up. You knew that if anyone found out, they’d think that you were insane. The scars you gave yourself had no real reason to be there. You blamed yourself for that. You didn’t know how to deal with your issues any other way. The moment you were alone you’d drift off to the bathroom, turn the shower on and begin your twisted ritual of self abrasions.
Life for you was difficult, but still, marking your self up was no excuse. You had tried to quiet, of course. Many times you had, but it was a habit you could not break. You were too used to doing it. It was an everyday thing. It was like breathing. You breath to live. You can’t not just breath. So for you, cutting yourself was like breathing. You didn’t think you could stop. It helped you deal with your pain.
If you’d have known what the evening was going to hold for you, you would have slit your throat the moment you woke up.
Darkness clouded your mind. Sitting in class, the fog you knew well was storming your brain cells, making everything else fuzzy and hard to understand. Everyone looked blurry, their faces funny and distorted. They sounded odd. Your heart ached and sunk into the pit of your stomach like it always did. You had no way of explaining what this feeling was and what it meant, but you didn’t like it at all. Once it got you, it had you.
You didn’t try to share any of this with Eddie. You didn’t want him to know how much you struggled. Scaring him away was your worst fear. It was why you never let him see the tops of your thighs. Sex was always under the covers. Lights off. Eddie didn’t complain of course. To him, sex was sex.
And god, did you love him. You loved him with your whole heart and soul. You’d be devastated if he knew your secret. It felt awful to bare, this huge burden you carried on your shoulders. You wondered if any of your other classmates shared it too. There was a darkness in your heart that was eating you alive.
“Babe,” A warm, thick hand grabbed your shoulder, pulling you from sinking to the bottom of the pool you were drowning in.
“Huh?” You said a little louder than you’d realized, blinking rapidly as your vision spun around the room. “What?”
You turned around in your seat to find Eddie’s doe eyes narrowed. “You good?” He whispered, leaning closer. “You’ve been staring at the floor for fifteen minutes.” Your class wasn’t even doing anything important. You had a sub, so everyone was doing their own studying or reading. Eddie had been talking to you until you drifted off.
“Oh, yeah.” You nodded with a swallow, grabbing his hand that still laid on your shoulder. “Sorry, Ed.”
“Just checking on my girl.” He gave you a wink that made you blush. “You coming over tonight?”
“Yeah.” You whispered with a fake smile, exhaustion taking over. He could see the way your lips had faltered. You turned back around and laid your head on your desk, arms being your pillow.
Eddie stared at you.
He might not have been the brightest bulb in the shed, but he knew you weren’t the happiest girl in the world. He knew you were sad and weren’t telling him about it. He didn’t know why, but he wasn’t going to pressure you into it, but still, he was worried about you. He wished for one night that they both could talk about you instead of his problems for a change.
Maybe tonight could be the night.
You must’ve gotten your period, he figured. Here it was four o’clock in the morning, and for some reason he couldn’t sleep. He had gotten up to get a glass of water but stopped when he’d seen blood seeping through the tops of your sweatpants, the blankets kicked down below your feet.
“Babe,” He said groggily, giving your shoulder a light shake. “Y/n, wake up.”
You hummed back asleep.
“Y/n, I think you got your period,” He rubbed his eyes, leaning over you to switch on the light. “You’re bleeding.”
That woke you up. “Huh?” Your eyes went wide and you sat up. “Oh,” You gasped upon seeing the red leaks of blood seeping from your sweatpants. An inhumane shock of terror left your throat and you leapt from the bed to disappear into the bathroom, slamming the door shut.
Eddie, thinking it was your period, thought it was a little funny, even if he was exhausted. He got up and followed you to the door. “Baby, hey, it’s fine, don’t worry about it. I’ll get some new sheets from the closet, alright? It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
You didn’t respond. He waited for a moment to see if you would. He even knocked a few times before giving up and switching out the sheets on the bed. In fact, he did a lot before you actually came out. He changed the bed entirely, knocking again until you muttered a shaky response that you’d be out soon. He bit his thumb nail and paced for another five minutes before he went out for a smoke. He remained seated on the bed when you finally came out.
When he saw you, he knew something was deeply wrong. Your face was white and you were visibly shaken. Your face was stained with dried tears, your eyes bloodshot. Your heart felt like it was broken. This was too close. Nobody had ever gotten this close of finding out. The idea of him knowing made you feel sick. It was your burden and yours alone. It was yours. As sick as it was, it was who you were. Who were you if you didn’t do this? You were so used to it. It was routine for you. Half of the time you did it just to….well, just to do it, to feel something. You were addicted.
“Y/n,” Eddie glanced you over. “what’s wrong? Are you alright?” He stepped toward you, grabbing your elbows lightly. “Hey,”
You sniffled and nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s go to bed.” You dismissed, now wearing a pair of dark leggings.
“Wait— babe, you’re crying,” He followed you to the bed, watching as you fixed the blanket over yourself. “Are you sick?”
“No, Eddie, I’m fine.” You adjusted your pillow, your body shutting down into survival mode. You needed the situation to be dismissed, shut down. “I’m sorry about the blood, was just my period.”
He sat down on the bed by your thighs. “Don’t be sorry bout’ that, honey. Just want to make sure you’re alright. You need anything? You want some water or something?”
“Eddie, I’m okay.” You stressed, laying down and turning your back to him. “Just forget about it, please.” Your voice broke.
He absolutely did not want to forget about it, not with the way you were trying not to cry. He sat there in the same spot for almost three minutes, eyes glued to your cheek. “Y/n,” He said again. “You gonna tell me what’s wrong?”
You groaned into the pillow. “Damnit, Eddie, lay down!”
“See, I know you,” He shook his head. “You would never be this bothered over your period. Hell, last month you chased me around with your tampon!” He said bewildered, chuckling slightly. “Something else is wrong and you’re not telling me, and when something makes my girl cry, I want to know what it is, so tell me what’s got you so worked up, huh?”
You let out a sob and curled into yourself. This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be. God, you were so stupid. You shouldn’t have cut so deep.
“Baby,” Eddie frowned, leaning down to lay his torso on you, his chin laying on your shoulder so he could look at you. “Did I hurt your feelings today? Did I say something?”
“No.” You cried into your pillow. “No, Eddie, it’s not you. I promise, it isn’t you.”
He thought maybe he should just drop it, let you go to sleep and maybe it would be okay in the morning, but you were still crying, little puffs and pouts here and there. He couldn’t just dismiss that.
“It’s me.” You found yourself saying, out of the blue.
“What?” He missed what you had said. “I can’t hear you, honey.” He strained his ears to hear you.
“It’s fucking me!” You sobbed into your pillow, chest heaving with a heavy breath that made him jolt. “I’m the fucking problem!”
He had no idea why you were so upset. He didn’t know what to do. He gulped harshly. “Y/n,” He cooed, shushing you gently. He scooted closer, holding you tighter to place a kiss on your temple. “I’m here, baby. Shh, shh, I’m here.”
You let go, sobbing in his arms and into your wet pillow, you broke down in sobs. Most of it was just because you were purely exhausted and you were emotionally drained, depressed. This week you were in a deeper funk than what you’ve normally been in. You hadn’t been eating properly to start. Your showers consisted of laying on the floor and imaging yourself drowning. The idea of Eddie knowing your secret made you want to die, yet you spoke anyway.
“I’m so sad.” You whimpered while Eddie rocked you in his arms, his hands stroking your hair.
He’d thought maybe you’d fallen asleep. You’d been quiet for several minutes. “Why, baby?” He kissed your shoulder.
“I don’t know,” You thought, a crinkle in your nose as you tried to reason why you felt the way you did. “Something is wrong with me, Eddie.”
You were starting to scare him. He’d never heard you talk like this before. He swallowed hard, batting his eyes across the room like his answers were a poster on the wall. “Y/n, if you tell me maybe I can help you.”
God, was help possible? Could you stop? Did you even want to? Who were you if you didn’t have that one constant in your life?
The idea brought on a wave of fresh tears, your lips turning down in a blubbering frown. “You’ll think I’m disgusting.” Your back shook against his broad, bare chest. “You won’t— you won’t ever look at me the same. You’ll think…fuck, you’ll think I’m disgusting.” You sobbed broken-hearted.
Eddie started at your face, features masked in concern. He didn’t know what to do to make you feel better, and his mind was flashing the worst things that could’ve made you so upset, his imagination getting the best of him.
“Sweetheart, I promise whatever you think I’m going to say or do isn’t true.” He leaned over to wipe a tear. “I’m going to love you no matter what you say. That’s how this works, remember? Please, baby, tell me. You’re worrying me.”
Guilt made your heart pound. You let out a long mewl, curling up like a cat so you could cry. Eddie still didn’t let you go. This was your nightmare, yet you, yourself, were making it come true.
“I didn’t get my period.” You said with wet lashes.
“What do you mean?” He narrowed his eyes down at you.
You let out a sob, holding a hand to your stomach. “I mean, I- fuck, I didn’t get my..my- period!” You hyperventilated through your breath.
“Shh, calm down, sweetheart, you don’t have to rush,” He soothed you, rubbing your arms. “Come on, sit up with me.” He gently lifted you by the torso, your hair cascading down your back. You looked like a scared little girl. Your eyes were wet and your face was soaked like you’d been laying in the rain. Eddie sighed, his mouth in a frown as he tried to help you.
“Breath, honey,” He fixed your hair, smoothing it down in rough places.
“I’m so sorry.” You whimpered, grabbing his hands tightly, squeezing them.
“Don’t be.” He shook his head. “Nothing to be sorry for, angel. Just want you to tell me what’s got you so upset. What is it that you want to tell me?” He knew whatever it was, you wanted to tell him. And deep down, you did. Maybe that was why you couldn’t shut the hell up.
“I’m so scared.” You shuttered a breath. “I’m so scared that you’ll…what you’ll think of me.”
His heart was beating loud in his chest. “You said that you didn’t get your period,” He tried to question you gently. “What does that mean?”
Did you really want to do this? Did you want to just let it all go within a blink of an eye? Truthfully, yeah. Yeah, you did. You couldn’t do it anymore. At least not alone.
You sat up slightly, fingertips grabbing the waistband of your sweats as you tugged them down to your knees. You didn’t look at him as you sank back down to sit on your ankles.
“I cut too deep.” You wept, staring down at your thighs. It was your canvas, your target area. They were scared on every inch. Some white and faded with age, some angry and red.
When Eddie saw them, it connected all dots instantly. His eyes widened in horror at your legs. They looked absolutely terrifying. He couldn’t help let out a gasp. “Oh, god, y/n,”
His large palms ghosted over them, and he leaned down so he could examine them closer. “Jesus,” His own eyes blurred with tears, his bottom lip quivering with emotion.
“I know,” You shook your head shamefully. “I know, Eddie, but I can’t help it.” You lifted your head up as you shuttered out a tearful breath. “I can’t stop no matter how hard I try. It’s the only thing that helps me.”
“God, y/n,” He traced your scars with his fingertips, jaw fallen slack in shock.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” You bawled. “I’m so…I don’t know, I’m just- just- so miserable and it’s the only thing that seems to help. I’m just so used to doing it and I don’t think I can stop!” You blubbered, snot dripping onto your cupid’s bow and dipping into your lip.
Eddie’s head snapped up. “Oh, baby, come here.” He grabbed you and pulled you into his lap. You crawled to him immediately. He cradled your back as you threw your legs around his waist, your chests flush together in a bear hug. You sobbed into his shoulder, his kisses peppering your neck. “I’m here, I’m here.” He repeated.
“My angel baby, I’m here.”
Your body wracked with moans and groans of heartbreak, but you couldn’t deny the amount of relief that left your soul. It finally wasn’t alone on your shoulders. “God, Eddie, I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t.” Eddie hushed you. “You have nothing, nothing at all to be sorry about. I should be apologizing. I should have realized. I had no idea you were unhappy.”
“I’m so fucked up,” Your voice muffled against his skin. “I don’t even know why I’m sad I just- I just am! It doesn’t make any sense!”
“Stop saying that.” He held the back of your head with his palm. “How you feel is perfectly understandable. I’m glad you told me. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, okay? Baby, I’m so sorry you’ve been going through this alone, but I’m right here now, okay? I’m gonna help you through this. I’m gonna help you rise above this because you’re so strong and you don’t even realize it. But you’re my girl and I know.” He rocked you in his arms, cradled you like a baby as you cried. “I know, baby, I’m here, I’ve got you honey.”
“Please, help me.” You fisted his curls, your chest hollow, yet heavy with emotion. “I need help.”
He nodded, whispering soothing words of encouragement as he fought off a wave of tears. “You can get past this. I did.”
You pulled away, your face an absolute mess. Red, snotty and tearful. Your lips pulled down in the deepest of frowns. “Oh, Eddie,”
He turned his elbow in a 90 degree angle, and angle you’ve never exactly examined, and cried when you saw the faded white scars. You went right back to his chest, holding him like a teddy bear. “Oh, Eddie, I love you so much. I’m so sorry.”
He held you close and kissed your shoulder, allowing one singular tear to spill that you didn’t have to see. He stopped when he met you. You were his saving grace. He’d be sure and do the same for you. His angel baby.
1K notes · View notes
probably-writing-x · 8 months
Text
Questioning.
Summary: Hi!Love love love your writing🫶🏻🫶🏻Could you write some angst?Like where reader and Conrad argue maybe? Have a good day❣️
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You weren’t sure when the irritation had started today. It was just… one of those days. You’d woken up and there was no milk left for your coffee, and the last slice of bread had been eaten. The toothpaste was running low, too, and you had to squeeze the last remains out of it. Nobody had bothered to go to the store yet and your car was blocked in by Jere on the driveway. Someone else had already put their clothes into the laundry but hadn’t bothered to turn the machine on, and you were certain not a single person in this house would ever decide to empty the dishwasher. It was just the little things, and they were irritating when you were living in a house of this many people.
Perhaps it wasn’t any of those things causing the issue. They were just ways of you avoiding what was really stressing you. Last night, Conrad, you and the others had been at a party. You’d left early with Belly when she’d had too much to drink and the boys had stayed. It was just a party at the beach, nothing crazy, but you’d woken up to a text this morning that had turned your stomach sick.
Hey girl! Feel like I need to be honest with you, Conrad was all over Nicole last night. I’d want to know if I were you.
I’m pretty sure I saw them kiss.
Even thinking of the words again made you nauseous, they were rotating over and over in your head. All over her.
“Hey babe,” Conrad speaks softly as he comes downstairs, swinging an arm around the bannister as he turns into the kitchen.
“Hey,” You glance up, trying to scrub a stain out of the countertop.
You couldn’t look at him, too fearful that you’d break down into tears right then and there.
He comes behind you and wraps his arms around your torso. You force yourself to not tense up under his touch, letting out a shaky breath before you say;
“I need you to go to the store,” You comment.
You feel his arms slip from you, “What?”
“Jere’s boxed my car in so I can’t go but we need a whole bunch of stuff. I’ve made a list so I’ll send it to you and-“
“Good morning to you too,” Conrad practically grimaces, stepping back to lean against the counter.
“Sorry, Con, but we’ve got stuff to do today. Susannah and Laurel will be back tomorrow and you know they’ll hate it if the house is in a state.”
“I think they’ll just be glad we didn’t burn the place down,” He scoffs, crossing his arms over his torso.
You turn around and set down the cloth in your hand, wiping your hands. He raises his eyebrows at you like he’s waiting for something so you step forward and stretch up to press a kiss to his lips.
“Please,” You smile.
He narrows his eyes, a smile tugging at his lips, so you kiss him again. This was normal. This was him. The boy that would never hurt you.
“Alright fine,” He agrees, opening up his arms to place them around your waist, “If you insist, your royal highness.”
“Thank you,” You force yourself to smile again, “I’ll send you the list, I’m going to clean the bathroom whilst you’re gone and then-“
“And then when I’m back we can actually enjoy our day? No more stress cleaning,” He encourages, brushing a lock of hair away from your face.
“Okay.”
He leans down and kisses your jaw, once twice three times before stepping away from you to grab his keys. He’d never hurt you. This boy would never hurt you.
“Send me that list!” He calls back to you, disappearing around the corner.
It was all fine, right?
———
Conrad gets back an hour later, carrying in bags and bags of groceries all exactly from your list. You help him put them away and then start busying yourself with tidying up the lounge.
“(Y/n) come on, we’re going surfing,” Conrad encourages, reaching out his hand to you from where he was laying on the couch.
“I don’t-“ You clear your throat, looking away from him, “I don’t really feel like it today.”
He pushes himself up onto his elbows, “Come on, you agreed you’d be done after I got back. The other three are capable of helping too, you know? Just tell Jere to clean.”
You glance at him and quickly glance away. You couldn’t get the words out of your head, as much as you’d tried to avoid them. Everything felt so normal this morning, but it was becoming impossible to convince yourself that it couldn’t be true.
“I-“ You shake your head, tears brimming at your eyes when you look at him, “I can’t today.”
“Woah, woah, woah,” He sits up fully, “What’s going on?”
You let out a shaky breath and shake your head again, “Sorry I just… um… I think there’s dust in my eye or something.”
You hurry off into the nearest bathroom and lock the door behind you, leaning back against the locked door. You can’t fight off the tears at your eyes anymore as they start to trickle down at the corners. In the moment, you catch sight of yourself in the mirror, your eyes glazed over and your lip quivering with each exhale.
When you and Conrad first got together, you’d always thought he was too good for you. You knew who he’d been with before you, and you didn’t feel anything like them. You weren’t one of the country club girls, not one of the girls who’d throw themselves at him if he gave them the chance. You just fell in love and he did too. And, as much as he reassured you that you were blind to think he was too good for you, there was always just this little piece biting at you every time you thought about it for too long. Would you ever think you were good enough for him?
You walk over to the sink and look closer at yourself in the mirror, dragging your fingers under both of your eyes to wipe away the remaining tears. Your eyes looked a little red now and your cheeks felt puffy but you ignore it, drawing your shoulders back before walking back out of the bathroom.
Your steps come to a halt when you almost bump into Conrad, stood only a metre from the door.
“(Y/n) why has Shayla just texted you?” He holds your phone out towards you, “And why does it-“
“You looked through my phone?” You question, snatching it back from him.
He scoffs, “It came up on your lockscreen, okay? I didn’t think anything of it. Until I see that it’s Shayla and she’s telling you ‘Id be worried if I were you’.”
You look down at the screen and see the message still sitting there waiting to be read. She’d be worried. Should you be?
You look back up at him, “Well, should I be?”
“Should you what?”
“Should I be worried, Con?” You return, trying to avoid the tremor in your words.
“What are you talking about?”
“You know what, forget it, I shouldn’t have said anything,” You shake your head, pushing past him to walk down the corridor.
He hurries after you and his hand reaches out to grab your arm, turning you around, “No, talk to me (y/n). Why did Shayla text you that?”
As you turn around, it doesn’t feel like the same Conrad looking back at you, but it only lasts for a second. His face is so full of worry you’re sure he could break there and then.
“Wh-“ You stop yourself, “What happened after I left last night? At the party, what happened?”
He frowns, his eyes looking between each of yours, “What are you talking about?”
“Tell me what happened.”
He blinks like he’s completely lost but continues, “Okay, you left with Belly. We got a few more drinks, Steven rang Taylor, Jere saw this guy he hooked up with last summer, the keg ran out and it got cold, we walked home.”
You purse your lips together, “Nothing else?”
“(Y/n) if you think something happened I’d rather you just say it because I can’t think of a-“
“Were you with Nicole?”
He raises his brows, “Nicole?” He practically scoffs over her name, “You can’t be serious.”
“Answer the question, Conrad.”
“Okay, yes, I saw her there,” He shrugs, “I didn’t realise that was an important part of the story, I saw her, we said hello, I didn’t see her for the rest of the night.”
You swallow the lump in your throat and pull out your phone with shaking hands, unlocking it and pushing it into his hands, “That’s not what it seemed like to Shayla.”
His eyes scan quickly to read the message and you watch his shoulders drop.
“Is it true?” You ask shakily, tears brewing once again.
“(Y/n)…”
For a second, you’re convinced he’s going to admit to everything and you’re going to feel your heart break beyond words.
“Is this really what you think of me?”
You stop before speaking again, “Conrad I woke up this morning to that text and I-“
“And you believed it?” He half laughs over the word.
“Why wouldn’t I believe it Conrad?” You exclaim, your words catching in your throat.
Conrad pauses.
“I know how things were when you were with Nicole. They were easy and fun and you didn’t have to think about anything. I’m not like that,” You shake your head, biting your lip to stop it from trembling, “I know I’m not who people expect you to be with and I know this isn’t… I just know that people see you with Nicole and they think that’s who it should be, not me.”
“(Y/n),” He looks at you so strongly you’re sure you could crumble, “I chose you. I chose this. And I still choose this. Every single fucking day I choose this. Why can’t you see that?”
“I just… I can’t get the thought of you and her out of my head.”
He laughs, “There is no me and her! There was no me and her last night! But if this is what you think of me (Y/n) then this is a really sad conversation.”
Before you can speak, he swallows the lump in his throat and walks past you, his shoulder bumping yours. You listen to his footsteps receding until the door slams and he’s gone.
Without another thought, every emotion spills from you, dropping to the floor as you sob.
In seconds, the bedroom door opens and Jere and Belly step out, both of them crouching down to wrap you in their arms, holding onto you as much as they were holding you up.
———
You leave the house almost an hour later, forcing yourself out of bed and down towards the short walk to the beach. On your way, you’re already certain that that’s where he’ll be. The place that made him think more clearly. The place where he’d first kissed you.
As you expect, Conrad’s sat just a little way down on the sand, his knees at his chest and his arms draped over them, a burgundy hoodie wrapped around him.
You sit down without a word and his eyes look up from the sea to watch as you do so, following you down until you’re beside him.
Both of you are silent, neither of you willing to break that just yet.
“I’m sorry Con,” You exhale, “I shouldn’t have just jumped to conclusions.”
He shakes his head, looking out at the moving sea, “I should be apologising.”
“What do you have to be sorry for?” You feel the lump form in your throat, as if part of you is so sure he’s about to admit to your worst nightmare.
“I would never cheat on you (Y/n). I’d never even think about looking at another girl like that,” He explains, “But if I’ve made you feel like there’s even the slightest possibility that that’s something I’m capable of, then I’m doing something wrong. Because you shouldn’t feel like that. And you shouldn’t have felt like that today.”
“Con it’s not your fault.”
“It is my fault,” He returns, “Why do you think I would cheat on you?”
You take a deep breath, reaching out to take his hand into yours, watching him visibly relax at the contact, “I love you Connie, and I always have, and you’ve made me feel loved since the first day you kissed me and every day since. But, even with us together, there’s always this part of me that’s so sure I’m just… not enough. And that one day you’ll realise that too. And that’s not you, or Shayla or Nicole or anyone that’s causing that, it’s just me.”
“But (Y/n) I-“
“I know,” You squeeze his hands, “I know you might think it’s stupid and you might think you need to be doing more but it’s just… sometimes it’s hard to believe that you feel that way about me.”
He shifts in his spot so that he’s facing you, reaching both of his hands out to cup your face, “I love you, (Y/n) (Y/l/n). And I don’t care how long it takes, I’ll spend the rest of my life if it takes that long for you to be sure of that. Do you understand me?”
You let out a laugh and tears prick at the sides of your eyes, his thumbs shifting instantly to catch the tears as they fall.
“Now how could I not love you?” He grins, leaning in until his forehead presses against yours.
You rest there for a while, as if you’re breathing in every ounce of love he can offer you, letting out an exhale of every worry of the day.
“Do I love you?” Conrad raises his eyebrows.
You giggle, “You love me.”
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deathsweetblossoms · 2 months
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The Prisoners Throne thoughts
Spoilers beneath cut! Heads up for a critical review but a positive Jurdan review 😂
Also did anyone catch the Roiben and Kaye mention? It was subtle but it was there..
I’m a little all over the place with my initial thoughts on the whole thing, but here are my main takeaways:
The pacing was weak, especially in the build up (or lack of build up) to Oak’s discovery of The Ghost being the main poisoner of his mother. In the span of two chapters, Oak goes from incandescent rage towards Ghost and his sisters/family, to then processing all of that because of the Ghost’s death?
My issue here is we never really saw Oak talking to his family despite his POV lamenting that they avoid uncomfortable topics. He’s right. They do. And so I would’ve liked for a genuine heart to heart.
On the topic of the Ghost’s death — what the fuck? Also incredibly weak. We didn’t spend enough time getting to know Garrett for that death to be impactful in any way (unless you are me and you’ve been crushing on the Ghost for years). The attitude around the entire thing was so blasé that I genuinely thought he was going to be brought back to life in a few pages.. I just don’t understand what Holly was trying to do here.
Overall this probably needed to be a trilogy so she could develop more of these ideas, because even the romance with Oak and Suren felt a little off kilter to me.
Otherwise, every Jurdan scene was incredible. Cardan, despite his few appearances, carried this whole book on his back for me. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE OAK. The tragedy of his upbringing, the way he was supposed to have a happy childhood but was turned into a monster by Madoc is so bittersweet.
I think the abdication of being heir was solved a little too easily? But it did leave the door open for some speculation about a Jurdan baby 👀
I was right about the political problem being about the Undersea and I’m really wondering if she’s going to write that from Jurdan POV or from Nicasia.. so that’s exciting!
I wish we had more *Elfhame* in this book. Where was the magic of TCP? I just felt something was lacking and I can’t put my finger on what.
Suren having a rebirth moment like Cardan only adds to my criticism that Oak/Suren has too many similarities to Jurdan that I wish had been avoided — BUT. I love the imagery of it and I’m happy our monster girl got the happy ending she deserves.
A lot of these Cardan moments had me going absolutely insane — him protecting Jude? Him playing with Leander? Oak pointing out that Cardan is brave and picked up a sword to fight in the end as well? Omg!!
How do I feel? Weird. I’m NGL, I feel kind of strange about this book. Perhaps I need to reread the duology or the entire series.
Some other odd things I noticed:
Lady Asha is still alive and kicking it at court? Lol.
Oak thought Taryn was the kind hearted sister who wanted a gentler world
The amount of dead deer imagery (the deer heart in the Citadel, the dead deer on Madoc’s clothes) that made Oak feel ill at ease was equal parts cute and sad LOL. My sweet hoof boy 🥹
The removal of Valerian’s curse and the confirmation that there was, in fact, a curse. What does this mean for Jude going forward?
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bellarkeselection · 3 months
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can you do a cole walter x y/n in the rain storm scene.
cole and y/n get into a fight and y/n get out of the car in the pouring rain and cole comes out too to try and solve the issue and they argue and then kiss at the end??
Rainy Night Confessions
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The car ride was the most silent it had ever been in my whole life of knowing the Walter family. Even though it was just me and Cole it was still strange as hell. Normally he would talk about something, make a teasing joke to try and get on my nerves. But in this moment there has been nothing said. Shifting in the passenger seat I did my best to face him. “So are you going to talk to me or are we just going to drive in silence?”
“I didn’t think you wanted to talk with me after you stormed out of the cafeteria at school today.” He pointed out keeping his eyes on the road.
Shifting my gaze to the front of the road I recalled what he was talking about. I had stormed out of the room after seeing him and Jackie spending time together. I got mad because I have basically had a crush on him for years but never had the guts to tell him. “I just didn't want to talk right then.”
“Do you want to talk about what happened now? I mean I can do a quiet drive but as your friend I thought you knew you could talk to me about something that upset you.” Cole glanced over at me and I could hear the hurt in his voice.
Tapping my fingers on my legs I started to say something to him but decided not to. “Cole, there's something I should have told you a long time ago. I have…forget it.” I grabbed the door handle and jumped out of the truck where he had to slam on the brakes so he didn’t nearly run me over.
“What the hell!” Cole cursed under his breath watching me standing out in the pouring rain. He gets out of the truck standing in front of the headlights. “You wanna explain why the hell you just jumped out of a moving vehicle on me.”
Wrapping my arms around myself I was now soaked from head to toe. It was likely I’ve even caught a cold out here but I couldn’t take being in a confined space with him. “I don’t wanna talk right now, Cole. Just leave me alone please.”
“I can’t do that. You’ll get a cold out here. So can we have this conversation inside the truck otherwise my mom will have my ass if you get sick.” He offered an alternative, not understanding why.
I throw my head back growling in his face. “You know everyone talks about the Cole Effect and how you are such a people person. But I don’t understand it because you clearly can’t see how I feel about you.”
“How I feel about you. Are you telling me that you have feelings for me?” He asked me slowly, walking towards me.
Slapping my hands over my eyes I growled kicking up some gravel with my shoes. “God, how blind can you be? Of course I have a massive crush on you, you idiot!” Stomping towards him I didn’t give him the chance to respond when I crashed my lips up onto his since he was taller than me.
Cole paused in his actions taken back by how forward you were in the moment. He was usually the one with girls to make the first move while they fell all over him but you were never that person. He put one hand on my waist and his other rested against my cheek kissing me back.
I gripped his jacket in my fingers leaning up on my toes deepening the kiss. Cole moaned into the kiss when one of my hands threaded into his dirty golden locks. He pressed his body up against mine where we searched for a way to be closer but couldn’t seem to find another way and sadly we needed air so we had to break both staring at the other heavily panting. “I didn’t say anything because I thought you just saw me as a friend.”
“So then why was Erin so upset the other day after school. I saw you two talking before she slapped you the other day.” I asked him resting my hands on the material of his jacket, while the rain was still pouring down on us.
Cole looked up at the sky dragging me back toward the truck opening my door quickly. I climbed back into my seat and he got in on his side shutting the door before he ever said something back. “I broke up with her for good this time. I finally realized the only person I wanted to be with is you.”
“I can’t believe you actually like me. And I’m sorry that I had to confess my feelings out here in the pouring rain.” I apologize to my friend and now boyfriend you can say to me with such joy.
Cole draped his arm over my shoulder and started turning the engine back on so we could go home and not get stuck out in the storm. “It's okay, darling. But please don’t do it again or my mother will have both our asses if we come to her house sick.” He kisses my forehead feeling me snuggling my head against his chest.
Comments really appreciated ❤️
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