#but I don’t actually read anything back over myself once I’ve finished it before posting

[heavenlycloud]

the veil~ ღཾཿ༉ ༘჻ღཾཿ჻

two: oh that bitch GAY ‧₊˚ ⋅ ༘☆*.ﾟ

warnings: swearing

pairing: huh yunjin x aespa 5th member! fem reader

summary: yunjin learns more about y/n than she did before with the bullying encouragement of her friends. small things are revealed, and simple promises are made...all complemented by both yunjin and y/n being useless gays.

author notes: i will be including dancer, rapper, vocal claims in coming chapters for y/n. however, these are NOT face or body claims! they're simply for a visual reference to for reading the fic. additionally, i might have some more vocal claims for yunjin that AREN'T her just bc it fits the moment in story best. so please work with me if it doesn't exactly sound or look like her in whatever media i add in. this is a work of fiction after all! lastly, feedback, comments, reblogs, questions, literally anything but hateful speech is welcome and very much appreciated!

̟ ̇ ˖ಎ˚˖࿔ masterlist 𓂅୨⊹ ₊˚๑

the practice room was quiet as your members took a quick break from the day-long practice you all started in the early morning. you watched your reflection in the mirror as you danced with salty & sweet playing in your head. jimin wandered back to the middle of the floor near you catching your attention when her eyes landed on you. a smug grin tugged at the coner of your lips as you teasingly mocked her part, “run run run kitty kitty run run.” your leader rolled her eyes and leaned over to push you, “ugh you’re so annoying!” the two of you bickered back and forth before your other members came back and your choreographer had you all run through one more time for the night. final run throughs were definitely the most relieving part of group dance practices, and were often your favorite part. simply because you ended up staying an hour or two extra to dance alone as a way of destressing. 

minjeong and jimin were the first to leave once everyone was dismissed with aeri following close behind them. however, judging by the way she was giggling at her phone before running off, she was probably about to go hookup with someone instead of actually going home. yizhuo decided she wanted to head down to another room to practice her vocals for a solo schedule she had coming up. that left you alone in the practice room to do whatever you wanted for the next hour before someone came and told you to head home for the night. it had been a while since you filmed a dance cover so once your playlist was on shuffle, you set up to record a few things. first on your playlist was Ay-Yo by NCT 127 which you’d learned weeks ago only hours after it came out. you danced to eight songs before yizhuo came back into the practice room just to see you dancing along to Left Right by XG. she watched from the back of the room until you were finished then asked, “why don’t you post more covers of you dancing?” you shrugged and responded, “i just like keeping some stuff to myself…but i’m ready to go let me just turn everything off.” yizhuo waited for you by the door and followed you out after making sure the door locked behind you. 

a muffled ping sounded from your pocket followed by the vibration from an incoming phone notification. you glanced down at your phone and smiled dopily at the message notification as you opened The Veil. while you were responding to the message, yizhuo peered over your shoulder to sneak a peek at the conversation. she laughed and teasingly cooed, “aweeee look at you all giddy over a text message.” you snatched your phone away and wiped the smile from your face, “i am not, and stop reading my texts!” yizhuo pretended to believe you and pried, “so what’s going on with the two of you anyways? i’ve seen you giggling and texting all week but you haven’t given me anything to work with here.”  there was a slight bit of disappointment in the small pout on yizhuo’s face because she was right. the two of you shared everything with each other but you’ve been tight lipped about you and your match since the first night. 

you looked at your best friend who shot you her best attempt at puppy eyes before you caved, “fine, i’ll spill.” yizhuo linked her arm with yours as you all started the walk back to your dorm, “we just talk to each other when we’re both free. it’s honestly like the way you and i text each other. a bunch of tiktoks, some memes, and those random questions i ask that make jimin and minjeong block me because it ‘makes them think too hard at night’ or whatever.” yizhuo stared at you and clarified, “so you haven’t figured out who she is yet?” you shook your head and said, “nope, but i might figure it out this weekend because we’re watching movies together.” 

those words alone made yizhuo stop dead in her tracks, “YOU’RE DOING WHAT?!” your best friend shouted, drawing attention from a few passerbyers on the street as you headed up to your housing unit. you unlocked the front door and kicked off your shoes as you explained, “it’s not that big a deal, ningie.” she mimicked your voice with rolled eyes, “iT’s NoT tHaT BiG a dEaL’ yes it is! this is practically a date- oh my god you have a date!” just then minjeong walked into the hallway, “who has a date?” yizhuo answered for you, “y/n has a date.” jimin called from the kitchen with pure shock in her voice, “Y/N HAS A DATE?!” she was followed by a voice from her phone where she was on facetime, “did you just say y/n and date in the same sentence?” 

you let out a huff of annoyance and blurted out, “everyone hush! you-” a finger pointed at yizhuo as you continued, “stop reading into things.” you turned to your other two members, “no i don’t have a date because i don’t date, and more importantly i don’t even think she likes girls.” you added on after a second, “and ryujin get out of my business!” from jimin’s phone, ryujin laughed and cheekily replied, “whatever you know you love me okay.” yizhuo asked curiously, “well since it’s not a date why don’t you tell us more about this thing that’s totally not a date?” you shrugged and responded, “i’m just watching movies with the girl i matched with on the Veil. we’re just gonna stream them at the same time, i’m not even gonna see her face.” jimin asked, “well what movie are you two streaming?” you answered simply, “Harry Potter. she’s making me watch them with her because i’ve never seen them.” minjeong looked at yizhuo who looked at jimin who looked at her phone, then back at you, everyone agreed at once, “it’s a date.” you groaned and walked off to your room before heading to the bathroom to shower. 

the warm water hit your skin and you closed your eyes as heat cascaded over your tired limbs and torso. small moments of peace and quiet like this were hard to find these days due to living with your four members, and the fast paced schedules that dictated your every move for months at a time. after you finished in the shower you changed into a pair of pajamas, specifically the mildly overpriced pair yizhuo gifted you because your mix matched ones ‘made her eyes hurt’. another notification appeared on your phone from the Veil app and you quickly slid up to respond to the question sent.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚✭・彡♡・✫.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

yunjin stared at the laptop at her desk as she talked on voice call with a few of her best friends as they grilled her about her match. the blonde haired girl on the other end of the call asked, “wait- bro you said you haven’t figured out who she is yet?” yunjin shook her head and the blonde’s eyes lit up, “are you gonna reveal yourself? if you are let me know cause i have ideas!” the black haired girl shook her head, “no, som’ i’m not doing that. besides, the mystery keeps it fun.” somi scoffed playfully, “whatever you’re boring!” there was a few seconds of silence as the girls sent messages in the text chat before someone unmuted and turned their camera on. soobin asked curiously, “so, besides you two having a friend date thing this weekend to watch Harry Potter … has she sent you anything juicy?” somi wiggled her eyebrows and hummed while a few other people giggled into their mics which prompted the soobin to tack on, “I DON’T MEAN NUDES OH MY GOD YOU GUYS ARE SO IMMATURE!” the entire call erupted into a fit of laughter as somi defended herself, “i didn’t even say anything!” yunjin answered before the two could start bickering, “um… well i know she likes to read books when she’s not working, and she’s either the main dancer or lead dancer in her group. i haven’t figured out which, but she mentions dancing more than singing and rapping so that’s my guess. OH and- andddd she went to Hanlim but she didn’t say which class she graduated from.”

 suddenly someone else turned their mic on, “girl we don’t care about high school- does she like GIRLS?” somi pointed to her camera, “thank you keeho.” yunjin stayed silent for a moment and unsurely mused, “ummm…” this time jisu spoke up and asked, “wait you didn’t ask?” somi and keeho started talking over one another, also asking how yunjin hadn’t tried to figure it out yet, while two other friends, beomhan and chaeyoung, typed in the chat asking the same thing. the entire conversation went silent as they moved from talking in the video call to typing in the chat instead. 

two minutes passed before yunjin sent the screenshot for her friends to see your conversation.

somi unmuted herself and mused, “i wonder what kind of gay she is?” chloe asked with genuine curiosity in her voice, “do hey mamas gays read Harry Potter?” jisu snorted and said, “yes. ryujin is living proof of that.” the entire chat was just yunjin’s friends throwing out ideas of what you could be like based on the limited information they had received. yunjin just sat and listened, lost in thought as she tried to see if she agreed with anything they were saying based on your past conversations. she paid attention to her friend group until she got another notification from the Veil app with Jasmine 🌿 at the top of the banner. immediately she hung up on her friends and texted the chat to say why she left suddenly.

yunjin slouched into her seat as she put her full attention onto texting you before it was time for both of you to sleep. she grew fond of these late night conversations that for the past two days, bled into early morning hours. a stupid smile plastered on her face when she opened the chat between the two of you to see the typing bubbles as she waited for a reply.

wildside- jasmine.mov

yunjin stared at her phone as she watched the video of you dancing three times in a row before she could actually text you back. the control and sharpness you had on every move while still making it look effortless left yunjin in awe. she wondered what you looked like dancing when you were performing seriously. if this was you just ‘goofing off in front of a camera’ then what did it look like when you were in front of an audience. she watched the video over again and furrowed her brows, there was something so familiar about you but she couldn’t put her finger on it. there was a part of her that was grateful she didn’t immediately recognize you, but she couldn’t ignore the way her heart raced in anticipation at the thought of knowing you one day. 

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚✭・彡♡・✫.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

here with me- lyra.mov

you laid in bed and waited for your body to finally give into the sleep you so desperately needed, but your mind was racing. mindlessly scrolling through videos and posts from your friends grew boring and you just wanted to rest. your thoughts returned back to trying to match the voice of your mystery girl to a face, and you found yourself back watching the video she sent you earlier. 

honestly, you didn’t know what you were expecting to receive from her but it wasn’t what she sent. the soft ukulele chords with the gentle cadence of her voice made everything else on your mind go silent. all you could focus on was the comforting sound of her singing against your ears. for a split second you swore you’d heard the voice before, but just as quickly as you recognized her, it was gone. your eyes began to droop as your tensed body finally relaxed into your bed and pillows. you almost missed the way your heart skipped a beat when you thought about meeting her one day, and hearing her sing just like this to you instead of a camera. 

‎♡‧₊˚˘͈ᵕ˘͈‎ 彡♡ ༘*.ﾟ .·:¨༺ ʚ♡ɞ༻¨*:·.﹢࿐ ☆

bonus: some tweets from both yunjin, y/n, and their moots (+ minji & hanni)

taglist: @https-f4iryjin @awkwardtoafault @seungspolaroid

authors notes: i was thinking of making a post that elaborates on the friend groups for both y/n and yunjin. there are a lot of side characters so let me know if that's something you'd like to see!

#kpop imagines #kpop reactions #kpop scenarios #kpop fanfic #girl group imagines #girl group fluff #girl group scenarios #girl group reactions #girl group angst #lesserafim reactions #lesserafim imagines #le sserafim scenarios #le sserafim #le sserafim au #social media au #yunjin x reader #huh yunjin #kim chaewon #nakamura kazuha #sakura miyawaki moodboard #hong eunchae #aespa fanfic #aespa fluff #aespa ningning #aespa karina #aespa winter #aespa giselle #aespa scenarios #aespa fanfiction #aespa imagines

[yourfavoritebookclub]

WINGLEADER: A Xaden Riorson POV Fanfiction

CHAPTER 3

I'm alone at the bottom of the turret now, all the candidates having made their way up the stairs in the last few hours. I’m walking so fast I might as well be running, but I have to find somewhere to piece myself back together.

There’s a small alcove at the back of the Healers Quadrant, and I throw myself into it before anyone else can witness the panic that’s radiating off of my body. I throw up a wall of shadows and shrug out of my jacket, letting it drop to the stone floor.

My whole body feels tight with adrenaline. 

I don’t do this. I don’t lose control.

I can’t afford to lose control.

I can’t afford to lose 107 lives.

I twine my fingers around the back of my neck, and my thumb brushes over one of the scars on my shoulder.

For them, I’ll keep it together. 

I’m so close to getting back so many things.

I can’t let anything get in the way of that.

I won’t let anything get in the way.

Not even Brennan’s sister.

I care for Brennan, and the sacrifices he’s made, but that does not mean Violet is worthy of my care. 

I press the pads of my fingers into my eyelids until I’m seeing spots. 

Two breaths. 

I blow out the last, shaky breath, pick up my rain soaked jacket, and step out of the shadows into a suddenly sunny day.

…

I make it up to the Rider’s Quadrant long before the parapet trial is over.

Leadership is supposed to meet in the courtyard once the last of the candidates' finish, but if I go now Panchek will wonder why I left my post early.

Instead I wind my way up the spiral staircase to the third-year dorms, letting my shadows unravel behind me. 

My signet doesn’t actually create shadows. It pulls from the shadows that exist in the world around me, anchoring them to me so that I have control over them. Keeping them contained is often more exhausting than allowing them to roam. 

I open the door to my room. 

I’ve tried to make it mine. I was taught meticulously to respect the space I occupy my entire life.

My father reminded me often,

“Xaden, your room is yours, and yours alone. Treat it with care, keep it safe, sanctimonious. Your mind is the same.” He taps his temple with his pointer finger, “You will need it when you become a rider. Practice now and you will find your feet firmly planted when you’re ready.”

I hear his voice so often when my control begins to slip. 

A reminder of what I lost, of what I have to do to regain the scraps that are left. Of why I read in the wide seated armchair by the bed the way my mother used to.

Three deep breaths. 

I smooth out my hair and straighten my flight leathers before walking to the door and twisting the knob. 

Sgaeyl, always passively present, says quietly, “Remember who you are now. Let go of the girl, of Brennan. It is done. And it is not important.”

I swallow the lump in my throat.

For all of her ferocity, and endless desire for perfection in battle, she knows when to use a gentle hand.

And I appreciate her even more when she doesn’t wait for me to respond.

•••

The day has warmed considerably since I made my way to the quadrant an hour ago. I find Bodhi leaning against one of the stone archways at the edge of the courtyard.

“Garrick still at the parapet?”

He nods, a mischievous grin spreading across his face, “I just got here, he got stuck ushering the first-years.”

I manage a small smile, and I mean it as I picture the tall, imposing rider stuck with all the babies.

Bodhi softly clears his throat before shifting his body to the right and staring at something over to the side.

Rather, someone.

Fucking Bodhi. 

At the front of the Healers Tents is Violet, standing next to Dain Aetos. 

Her skin is concerningly pale, and she looks weary as hell on her feet, but she’s still standing.

It’s not a secret that Aetos’ father and General Sorrengail have been close friends for almost two decades now. 

Aetos is a good Squad leader. An absolute shit, with no nuance when it comes to the rules, but I respect his drive. Though his conviction would be more respectable if it was channeled to the right side of the rebellion.

Bodhi clears his throat again and I cut a sideways look at him. 

“I heard your new friend made quite the display after she crossed the parapet.”

“I’m sure you’ll continue to tell me about it.” I scowl.

“She stuck a knife in between Jack Barlowe’s balls and essentially told the little shit to fuck off.”

I feel the corner of my mouth tip up, “That spells a bit of trouble, doesn’t it.”

I do a quick scan of the crowd of new first years and then glance down at the floor, toeing the stone beneath my feet. The only indication of the anxiety that’s coursing through my body.  

“Is Liam…?” I trail off.

“Yes,” his breath snags and I know he’s as relieved as I am,“ Yea, he’s here. It’s part of the reason I left early. I didn’t want you to have to wait to find out.”

I smile at him.

Fucking Bodhi. 

Before relief can set in, the clock tower bell rings a clear, echoing note, and Bodhi and I begin moving.

We stick to the shadows, and I pull just a touch of them around our bodies to go unnoticed as we make our way to the back of the group. 

Garrick is standing behind the line of cadets. 

He hits us both with an annoyed look. “Aren’t you two a sight for sore eyes.” He mutters. 

Bodhi breaks off to join the other second-years throwing a cocky grin over his shoulder.

Garrick narrows his eyes at Bodhi's retreating form, "You let him get away with too much Xaden. Someone might think you're being nepotistic."

"Oh, I absolutely am." I say with a grin.

Garrick and I continue walking over to the side of the dais. We sidle up to the rest of the wingleaders and stand in formation. Chin up, spine straight, and hands behind our backs. We symbolize a "unified front" according to Panchek.

These are the moments where I sink into myself. I stand firmly in who I am, and who I aim to be.

I am a leader. And I am good at what I do.

Panchek begins speaking, a near identical speech to the one he gave our first year, “Three hundred and one of you have survived the parapet to become cadets today.” He pauses, scanning the crowd, “Good job. Sixty-seven did not.” 

Pancheck raises both hands towards the crowd in a dramatic gesture and says, his voice booming, “As the Codex says, now you begin the true crucible! You will be tested by your superiors, hunted by your peers, and guided by your instincts. If you survive to Threshing, and if you are chosen, you will be riders. Then we’ll see how many of you make it to graduation.”

Three hundred and sixty-eight people attempted to make it to the Rider’s Quadrant this morning. Almost twenty percent more than my first year. 

“Your instructors will teach you. It’s up to you how well you learn. Discipline falls to your units, and your wingleader is the last word.” I smile, just a bit. 

It’s not that I desire power, but I know how to harness it. How to use it effectively. 

Power is a weapon just like anything else.

“If I get involved…You don’t want me involved.” He threatens with a smile. “With that said, I’ll leave you to your wingleaders. My best advice? Don't die.” Then it’s just us on the stage and we’re all sizing up the newest cadets. 

Nyra, our senior wingleader introduces herself, “I’m Nyra, the senior wingleader of the quadrant and the head of the First Wing. Section leaders and squad leaders, take your positions now.” 

The Wingleaders divvy up the cadets until everyone is in their proper squads. 

I’m not paying attention to the squads though.

I find myself watching Violet again.

Her gaze drifts up to mine like she can feel my stare. She lifts her chin, just the smallest display of defiance.

I just want to see what might happen. What she could make happen, if she harnesses all of that potential.

If she has enough of Brennan in her.

It’s a dangerous gamble. I can’t shake the hate that roiled between us earlier. But Brennan’s description of his youngest sister painted her as empathetic, someone who seems morally aligned with us. “She’s a skeptic as any scribe should be.” he said during one of the late nights we spent on the hills of Aretia, trying to reconcile the lives we left behind.

I can work with that.

But first I need her in my quadrant. 

I want it bad enough that I’ll put up with Dain.

It’s a simple ask, and I have enough pull among the Wingleaders that there’s only the briefest of objections before everyone agrees that there’s no point in arguing with me.

We all turn and I can’t help the small, triumphant smile that’s now on my face.

Nyra inclines her head towards Flame Sections Second Squad, “Dain Aetos, you and your squad will switch with Aura Beinhaven’s.”

A minute later, Violet Sorrengail is standing in the Fourth Wing.

My wing.

Nyra’s done giving orders and I step forward to the front of the stage.

“Take a look at your squad.” I don’t have to try to keep my voice clear and steady anymore. I know every syllable needs to portray my authority to each one of these cadets. 

“These are the only people guaranteed by the Codex not to kill you. But just because they can’t end your life doesn’t mean others won’t. You want a dragon?” A few of them nod.

“Earn one.”

There’s a smattering of cheers that grow louder as I say, “And I bet you feel pretty badass right now, don’t you first-years? You feel invincible after the parapet, don’t you?” I’m shouting now, drowning out every arrogant cheer. 

“You think you’re untouchable! You’re on the way to become the elite! The few! The chosen!” They cheer like they’ve won something. I can’t help but feel a little smug at their naivety as the thunder of wings grows louder. 

The dragons fly overhead and bank, a great gust of wind pushing through the crowd. 

A few screams pierce the air and I feel just a little pity at those who will die in the coming minutes. There’s always a few.

Saegyl is easy to pick out as she lands in front of Violet and the rest of the Fourth wing.

The dragons all sit atop the walls.

I know the names of each one, have seen them everyday for almost 3 years, and it still never fails to steal the breath from me.

My eyes snap forward as a cadet breaks formation and races toward the keep. 

And I can’t help but sigh inwardly as one of the dragons opens its mouth and reduces the recently awarded cadet into barely there ash.

“It’s better he goes now rather than later,” Sgaeyl exhales with the same sigh. 

There are more deserters, and a few more piles of ash before everyone has learned their lesson. 

“She is hurt all over.” Sgaeyl huffs. 

I sneak a small glance to where Sgaeyl is perched, assessing Violet.

“Wh- where?” There’s an involuntary edge to my voice, making my thoughts stutter.

“Her stance would suggest everywhere.”

“Do you wish to be her healer, wingleader?” Tairn chortles. 

I close my eyes, biting down on an exasperated groan. I direct my thoughts toward Tairn, “Are you contented to mock me today?”

“Yes.” 

I sense surprise, and…delight? From Sgaeyl.

My dragon is playing with Violet. Or trying to scare her. Whatever Sgaeyl has seen on Violet’s face has impressed her.

A rare occurrence.

“She will be interesting indeed.” And I have to stifle another groan at my meddling dragon. 

I block out both of them before addressing the crowd again, “Anyone else feeling like changing their mind? No? Excellent. Roughly half of you will be dead by this time next summer.” The formation grows quiet. “A third of you again the year after that, and the same your last year. No one cares who your mommy or daddy is here. Even King Tauri’s second son died during his Threshing.”

A few have started outright crying.

“So tell me again: Do you feel invincible now that you’ve made it into the Riders Quadrant? Untouchable? Elite? Because you’re not untouchable or special to them.” I lean forward and point at Sgaeyl for emphasis, “To them, you’re just the prey.”

•••

I’m getting antsy. 

I managed to catch Imogen in time to have her give Liam my room number, but it always takes a while to get the first-years settled. 

I haven’t stopped pacing, and I’m starting to get light headed as my breaths become shallower and shallower.

I need to breathe. I clench and unclench my fists, letting small tendrils of shadow pull away from me before walking over to the armchair by the bed.

I force myself to sit down. Counting my breaths in an effort to regain a scrap of control after the events of today.

My shadows have started edging their way down the hall when there’s a single rap on the wood. I’m practically sprinting toward the door.

I snatch at the handle and open it a fraction.

All I can see is blonde hair and bright blue eyes as Liam Mairi slips through the door, closing it softly behind him.

He turns towards me and I stand rooted to the spot, taking him in.

He’s gained muscle.

He took my advice and kept training, and while he looks exhausted, and a little older, he looks strong and healthy.

His presence still feels the way it did when I left.

We both stand frozen for another heartbeat, taking in the changes.

Before I get a chance to move, Liam has me in a tight, back breaking hug. I wrap my arms around him, and my eyes start to sting. Only Liam could reduce me to tears like this. 

“I missed you, bud.” I say, ruffling the hair on the back of his head.

“I missed you, too.” He says, before pulling out of my grip.

He’s got a broad smile on his face and it takes me a minute to work past the crushing joy I feel at seeing him in front of me.

“You look like shit brother.” He says it with a smirk, but I can see the worry in the slant of his brow.

Before I can respond he walks over to the armchair by the bed and sits, giving me a few more seconds to be frozen in the moment before he gestures to the foot of the bed, “Tell me everything.”

#fanfiction #fourth wing #violet and xaden #violet sorrengail #xaden riorson #xadenviolet #rebecca yarros #fantasy fanfic #actoar #throne of glass

[stillsimpingforaymeric]

Kaidan Alenko and the importance of visual storytelling

(Since this post was unable to appear in searches on my old blog, simpingforaymeric, I have chosen to repost it here on my new one)

1. Introduction

One of the most prominent criticisms leveled against the character of Mass Effect’s Kaidan Alenko is that he is, in a word, boring. It’s a comment that seemed confusing after first playing the game and falling almost immediately in love with the character, but gaining some distance after ten years and playing the games more critically than before, starts to make more and more sense.

Don’t get me wrong - Kaidan Alenko is perhaps my most favorite character across all Bioware games. He is by far the one I relate to the most. The following… experiment? Thesis? Elaborate soap box? Is therefore not meant to convince anyone that, Actually, He Is Boring, or even criticize the character of Kaidan Alenko in that sense, but aims to explain why “boring” is the gut reaction of so many (often slightly more casual) players. I want to propose a theory of what issues there are, why they appear across all three games and finally propose a range of edits and changes that might alleviate them. And when I say changes, I in no way mean to change anything about the character of Kaidan Alenko - but to change how that character is communicated to the audience. 

I will preface this by saying that this post is roughly ten years in the making and does not reflect just my own personal observations, but relevant input from other fans across social media, from the BSN, to twitter, to tumblr. Many of these people have moved on, many of them have changed blog names so often it is simply impossible for me to look them up. So while I can no longer source any person in particular for any specific observation, I still want to make clear that this is the result of many thoughtful and insightful posts from many thoughtful and insightful people over a span of years. I have no intention of taking the credit for myself, I am just trying to bring it all together in one project. Once we get to the “How to fix it” part, I will only discuss the ideas that I’ve come up with myself over the past few weeks of replaying the trilogy. 

If a post like this already exists and is already in circulation, please let me know. I have not been active in the fandom for some years and would be very interested if anyone has done a write up similar to mine before. 

Also, this will likely include spoilers for most titles in the Dragon Age and Mass Effect game franchises (not books, or comics, though), so if you haven’t quite finished Inquisition, ME3, or any other game, you may want to hold off on reading this. 

You may also want to hold off on reading this because it’s honest to God 19 pages long. I like this character a normal amount. 

2. The core issues

If there is a thesis statement to this, it is that Kaidan Alenko sounds like an incredibly interesting, multifaceted, uniquely skilled and powerful character who you never see fully represented on screen. My own particular love of Kaidan comes, if I am honest, less from the cutscenes the game actually puts him in and can instead quite often be traced back to deep analysis of dialogue, codex entries and tracing and connecting implications of the two. 

To give a concrete example, I know for a fact that Kaidan Alenko is a very powerful biotic. Most companions in the first game can remark upon this fact and all of them seem impressed. His powers don’t just contribute to an ambiguous Coolness Factor, though. They also impact his personality significantly. They weigh heavy on his conscience, something we learn when he states in early ME1 party banter that he has been deliberately holding himself back for fear of hurting someone. He learned the hard way that his powers are a massive responsibility when he accidentally killed Commander Vyrnnus, something he confesses to you in one of his more powerful conversations in the first game. It’s also a physical burden as we hear from Dr. Chakwas that he suffers from chronic migraines. On top of that, his unique power and his suffering both come from the L2 implant he wears, an outdated model that is considered dangerous. Kaidan has debilitating migraines, but he is one of the luckier ones; other children suffered anything ranging from severe mental disabilities to fatal brain tumors. During the timeline of ME1 there is a serious legal battle raging in the background, of the surviving L2 biotics trying to get reparations for what was done to them. And finally, he is one of the first human biotics to even exist, wearing only the second generation of implants that allow him access to manipulating dark energy. Human biotics are essentially space mages and are socially ostracized and feared by much of humanity. 

It’s safe to say that the entire character of Kaidan Alenko hinges on his biotics. His abilities are a fundamental part of him. They have shaped his personality, his ethical code and his sense of personal identity. Kaidan Alenko as a character simply does not make sense without his biotic abilities. 

The problem is that you can count the amount of times Kaidan Alenko, one of the most powerful human biotics in the alliance military, actually uses his biotic abilities, on one hand. In fact, you can count them on one finger, because there is exactly one scene  - a very simple, not particularly impressive use of Throw on two random goons in the Citadel DLC. Not only is this cutscene not particularly reflective of Kaidan’s extensive ability, it only happens for people who have already locked in his romance and therefore made the game prioritize him. The specific scene could theoretically happen with most other characters. That means anyone who isn’t already completely and entirely sold on the character of Kaidan Alenko, to the extent that they ship their personal OC with him, will likely never see this. I’ll get into why he doesn’t have those scenes a little later. 

You can extrapolate this basic issue for most of the other fundamental cornerstones of his character: 

Kaidan’s morality is strongly rooted in the concept of Paragon, that is to say, he is not an “ends justify the means” kind of guy. He will often try and resolve things peacefully, like when he talks down his fellow L2 biotics from committing homicide during UNC: Hostage in ME1. But because of how the game’s companion system works, Kaidan is never afforded the ability to do more than politely disagree with a renegade Shepard who happily commits war crimes. Voluntarily leaving the squad, as companions in a Dragon Age game might, is simply not on the table. In fact, his personality is so malleable in the first game that it takes one conversation to turn him into more of a renegade and, by proxy, a xenophobe. This option likely exists to ensure that players of a renegade Shepard have a choice in surrounding themselves with companions that do not fundamentally disagree with their ethics and choices, but it significantly weakens a character we are told values integrity. 

Kaidan is an officer. He held the rank of Staff Lieutenant with over a dozen special commendations in ME1, putting him barely one rung below Shepard. The reason Shepard’s initiating dialogue is “Just trying to get a sense of where the crew’s at. Thoughts?” is that Kaidan handles staffing issues and is for all intents and purposes in charge of the marine detail of the Normandy. This simply does not come up. The only thing that is even peripherally mentioned is that Kaidan was the one who recommended getting Ashley Williams on board after Eden Prime. By ME2, he is Staff Commander and outranks Shepard. By ME3, he’s a Major, which is equivalent to the rank of Captain that Anderson held in the first game. As a Major, Kaidan was specifically put in charge of a spec ops team of human biotics. We will never meet them, never see Kaidan commanding them or even talking to them. Never be able to reflect in any way how this changed or affected Kaidan, who was himself abused in an alliance military project under a bad teacher. The game sometimes even forgets that he holds a significant rank at all and will generally consider Shepard to be his superior officer. And I haven’t even gotten into the Spectre stuff.

Kaidan is a chronic pain patient. You will never see him actively suffer the effects, unless we count an idle animation in the first game.  Kaidan values self-control. He will never be put into a position where that self-control is tested and he either overcomes or lets loose. Or, at the very least, highly emotional scenes that could tempt his self-control, simply don’t.

3. The importance of visual impact 

Kaidan Alenko is a very interesting character. On paper. Anyone who doesn’t spend the extra effort reading codex entries, reading character meta on tumblr and investing a considerable amount of time into wrapping their head around the particulars of his character will likely miss a great deal of his personality, because it’s just not on the screen. It used to be my instinct to argue that, well, reading codex entries is important and putting in a little effort to understand a character is fine and dandy. Anyone who isn’t doing that is simply cheating themselves out of appreciating some wonderful fictional guys. And in some cases, I think it is generally fair that not every aspect of a character need be spoon fed to the player. Fans engaging with the text, rather than passively observing it, is a natural part of media consumption.

However, I have to admit that at the end of the day, video games are a visual medium. Furthermore, the old adage of “show, don’t tell”, still applies. And when a character is fundamentally underrepresented, when even the most basic, core concepts of a character are simply missing from the screen, then I can no longer fault anyone for not immediately connecting to a character who is for all intents and purposes absent.

If you are having trouble wrapping your head around the importance of visual input in video games, let’s contrast Kaidan’s lack with other characters’ plenty.

If you don’t think showing Kaidan’s biotics would contribute much, then think about how Samara’s biotics are serene, precise, beautiful. Picture her sitting on the Normandy carefully meditating, shaping a perfect, beautiful little galaxy between her hands. Now contrast it with Jack, violently and impulsively ripping through three heavy mechs to escape her prison. Biotics aren’t just technically something these characters are capable of - their personalities are reflected in what situations they use them in, how they use them and what they look like. 

If you don’t think it matters if a character is afforded an opportunity to show a strong sense of morality, then think about how most companions in Dragon Age do not follow blindly, how big choices like templars vs. mages can cost you the loyalty of one or more companions, if you didn’t invest enough time into forming strong relationships with them. Think about how even in a romance, even at 100% approval, Alistair will leave the party if you choose to spare Loghain. How he will never even consider making that choice if he is put up for that final duel at the Landsmeet. Sure, you can toughen him up a little, you can give him a different outlook and in so doing have some impact on his potential epilogues, but the player is never afforded the opportunity to fundamentally change him. If Alistair leaves, it’s not just a codex entry or a mention on the side. He will confront you and he will walk out on you. 

If you don’t think seeing Kaidan in command of his troops is important, then think about how Cullen’s leadership in Inquisition is reflected on screen. How, at the temple of sacred ashes, in one of the very first cutscenes you may meet him in, he is shown carrying his own wounded soldier off the battlefield. How he is present in some way for almost every major battle in the game. In practice Cullen is stuck behind a desk for most of the game so the player can talk to him, but you don’t feel like he is a passive observer. You know that when battle rages, Cullen leads from the front because you have seen that happening consistently throughout the story. 

I could even be more concrete and talk about how much Jack manages to develop as a character when you see her interacting with her own gaggle of biotic students in her very own mission. How much care is being depicted in how fiercely she protects those she has come to view as “her own”.

If you don’t think it might be relevant to see Kaidan suffer the migraines we’re told about, think about the gut reaction you have when you see a character like Cullen double over in pain at his desk, how he breaks down, visibly shaking in front of you when he is overwhelmed with the debilitating effects of his condition.

And if you don’t think seeing self-control depicted on screen would be all that impactful, think about how you reacted when you first watched Anders visibly fight to control his power. How his own anger, his own suffering cause him to struggle with his abilities, blue light literally pouring through the cracks in his veneer.  You cannot adapt any of the above mentioned scenes 1:1 to Kaidan. He has neither the perfect asari control of the centuries old Samara, nor do I think he has quite the raw power of a royally pissed off Jack. Kaidan is not afforded the opportunity to walk out on Shepard due to how companions work in the trilogy. Kaidan is not in charge of a whole army like Cullen, nor is he likely ridden with trauma quite as intensely as him, since his pain manifests differently and there are modern treatments available to him. He’s not literally possessed by a spirit, like Anders. But all these characters showcase the potential of how a character can impact an audience. They show what can be visually communicated, when care and resources are spent on portraying a character on screen, rather than purely through dialogue and world building.

4. How did we get here

I promised earlier I’d circle back around to the why of it. For all three games, the causes are slightly different and often the result of what I generally call gameplay or story “technicalities”. That is to say, certain aspects of the game or story are simply constructed in such a way that they do not afford Kaidan (and often by proxy, Ashley) the opportunity to do much of significance, if they get to act at all.

I’ve already mentioned how Kaidan’s morality is entirely malleable in the first game based on a mechanic that has less to do with strong characterization and more to do with affording the player the ability to essentially customize their squad. The same applies to Ashley - though I reckon we see her conversation as a little less glaring since turning Ash into more of a paragon generally aligns her morally more closely with most players, while very few people are likely to enjoy turning Kaidan into a raging xenophobe. 

The first game offers up little opportunity for Kaidan to display either his biotics or his position as Staff Lieutenant of the Normandy. The latter is easier to explain - the marine detail of the Normandy are just NPCs. They aren’t relevant to the story in any meaningful way, so leading them isn’t a particularly relevant job for Kaidan to be doing. In theory it’s incredibly important to keep an entire detail of soldiers in line, especially when the CO decides to mutiny three quarters through the story, but the plot is driven by Shepard and the squadmates, not the marines of the Normandy. Therefore, there is no real opportunity to showcase Kaidan’s abilities as a leader of soldiers. 

The first is a bit more difficult to explain and seems to me like plain oversight. Kaidan doesn’t actually have any character introduction scene. The scene where we first meet him on the Normandy is not his introduction, it’s Joker’s. Joker is being characterized as our snarky, cynical pilot - Kaidan is just the person he is being contrasted against. Every other character on the Normandy has a strong introductory scene. Ashley is seen fleeing the geth, before we see her determinedly reload her rifle and turn back to enact some good old fashioned vengeance. Garrus is first seen arguing with his boss, marking him as a not-by-the-book kind of cop, then established as a crack shot by resolving a hostage crisis with a single precise shot of his pistol. Tali is seen negotiating with shady dealers, shown to be self-sufficient and clever enough to know something is up, characterizing her as intelligent and resourceful. Wrex is hilariously unintimidated by the space cops on the Citadel and thus presented as a certified badass. Finally, Liara is our traditional damsel in distress. And Kaidan… well. Nothing. There isn’t a Kaidan-specific scene in the first game. 

At a guess, Kaidan might have played a bigger role in the cut segments on Eden Prime. For those not in the know, dialogue from the game files indicates that the Eden Prime level used to be longer (look for DanaDuchy’s “party banter” video on youtube and start from around 28 minutes. I had it linked originally, but it seems it prevented this post from showing up). Maybe there was a cutscene somewhere here that introduced new players to the concept of biotics in general and Kaidan’s abilities in particular that eventually ended up on the cutting room floor when the Eden Prime level was shortened. Maybe it’s just a general oversight and it truly never hit anyone that a) new players to the universe might want a crash course in what the heck is up with that space magic thing or b) players might need a strong, effective cutscene establishing Kaidan as a character. 

(Incidentally, that cut dialogue from Eden Prime also states that Kaidan was originally intended to be vegetarian, which is, if nothing else, damn funny in hindsight.)

In ME2 the issue can be summed up summarily as “missing out on content”. Kaidan isn’t really afforded any space to act in the story. The one brief moment of involvement he has in the plot - Horizon - is once again reduced to mere dialogue. The one scripted cutscene he has, he shares with Ashley, in which both are fruitlessly shooting at a swarm of insects, trying to protect colonists, but are immediately and forcefully removed from the plot via convenient sedatives. They only return for yet another dialogue-heavy segment, which a lot of people dislike for understandable reasons, but is to me one of the few moments in which the characters display a firm moral stance. I might hate the scene because I hate Shepard and Kaidan fighting and the dialogue itself leaves a bit to be desired, but I like it in the sense that it provides decent characterization by making both Virmire Survivors stand their ground, even against someone they respect or possibly love. 

To make things worse, thanks to the loyalty mission concept, ME2 was actually the game that best handled its character driven storytelling. Every squadmate is afforded the care and resources of a completely unique mission that tells us something important about them and provides ample characterization through their motivations for the mission as well as its outcome. Liara manages to circumvent the problem of not being there for those loyalty missions by getting her own story-driven DLC, which pushes forward her character development and resolves the lingering tension between her and Shepard, whether in a platonic or romantic sense. Kaidan and Ashley are not afforded the same opportunity. 

Some people have pointed out that it is a positive thing, that Kaidan and Ashley do not need a loyalty mission, that their loyalty is gained organically and through actions throughout the trilogy rather than in one specifically scripted mission. I agree with that interpretation, but it does gloss over the fact that loyalty missions are not just a sign that a character is struggling and needs or wants something from Shepard, but an opportunity to spend time with a character on a mission tailored completely to them. Resources and time are dedicated to their portrayal and in so doing communicate what the character is all about to the audience. And Kaidan and Ashley lacking that kind of content is not a net positive. 

In ME3, the preceding issues are not addressed and compounded by new decisions. The lack of a strong, initial cutscene remains unsolved. Kaidan’s introduction in 3 is short and dialogue-heavy, before he is once again forcefully removed from the plot, so Shepard and Anderson can shoot their way through the combat tutorial. When he reappears to effectively save Shepard with the Normandy, he doesn’t do much more than fire a standard assault rifle at a bunch of husks. He briefly returns for the segment on Mars, where the dialogue begins to meaningfully address the tension that was resolved for Liara in the preceding game, but he is then forcefully removed from the plot a third time, getting punched straight into hospital. Even the Citadel standoff, one of the few scenes the VS gets with some general plot-relevance, is undercut by the fact that it has to accommodate both Kaidan and Ashley - two characters who are very different. This is where the problem with the biotics really kicks off.

You see, the reason Kaidan is never using his biotics prominently during cutscenes is because he shares a majority of his cutscenes with Ashley, who isn’t a biotic. Outside of the few romance and friendship scenes, such as the Citadel dates, cutscenes for the Virmire Survivor have to accommodate two characters who are fundamentally different. Ashley is more renegade, Kaidan is more paragon, Kaidan has biotic abilities, Ashley does not. Their personalities and skills are almost at opposite ends of a spectrum, but because any one player of the series will only ever be able to keep one of them alive, fewer resources seem to have been spent on each character individually and their biggest, most important scenes have to operate on an ambiguous middle ground. Ashley is impulsive, a renegade and only has her gun at her disposal, so if Shepard hesitates to shoot Udina during the Citadel standoff, Ashley will shoot him for them, same as she did with Wrex in the first game. For her, this is a fine scene. But Kaidan in contrast is supposed to be calm and controlled, has a strong paragon personality and a range of abilities at his disposal. If the cutscene reflected him truthfully, this scene could diverge significantly for Kaidan. He might choose not to kill Udina and instead wrap him in a stasis field, both to spare his life and so he can be interrogated. These are options Ashley does not have, so the cutscene can’t go there.

In general ME3 gave me the distinct feeling that a majority of cutscenes are written with Ashley in mind first and then dialogue is adapted for Kaidan. Liara’s comment about the Virmire Survivor becoming “very capable” makes some sense for Ashley, who started out as gunnery chief and was new to serving aboard a ship, alongside aliens and operating in deep space. Ashley was a bit of a rookie in some sense. Kaidan starts the series as an officer, already in charge of a significant number of soldiers. He already had over a dozen special commendations. I’m certainly not offended on behalf of the character, but this commentary doesn’t make sense unless you ignore everything the world building and codex establishes about Kaidan and just see him as any other soldier, some kind of raw recruit who was looking up to Shepard. Instead, it is Shepard who is afforded several opportunities to ask Kaidan, three years their senior, for advice on both tactics and politics in the first game - and Kaidan who looks out for Shepard in turn. Liara’s commentary is simply not reflective of Kaidan’s role in the story up to this point, or his relationship with Shepard. 

His role as Major is undercut on several occasions. After the Citadel standoff, the game briefly forgets that Kaidan outranks Shepard by now, as Joker complains that Kaidan “almost shot a superior officer”. His leadership of the spec ops squad is mentioned and party banter even indicates he finds at least one squad during the game, but we will never meet them. This time I really don’t understand it. I can easily see that you can’t rewrite the entire structure of ME1 to give the marine detail of the Normandy a more active role to play in the story just to better reflect Kaidan’s rank - but I honestly don’t know why there isn’t even a small cutscene involving Kaidan in the Normady’s communications center just talking to his spec ops squad. It’s a huge wasted opportunity to not put names and faces to his students (like we do for Jack). If we don’t have the time or money for a full loyalty mission (which at this point may be sorely needed) that’s one thing. But to choose to ignore the one, cool new thing that is unique to Kaidan, to not spend five minutes on exploring that aspect of his character? It feels like such an obvious problem in hindsight.

His chronic pain barely comes up, which again just feels a bit odd. If you ask me, ME3 is the perfect opportunity to showcase some vulnerability, to display your companions cracking under the pressure of the end of the world. The game does that quite admirably with Shepard, in fact. It doesn’t have to be a scene where he breaks down the way Cullen does, but it wouldn’t take that much to show some of the facade starting to crack. 

You can easily add the issue of self-control to that. It might have been interesting for Kaidan to be put into a situation where that self-control could be on display, where a difficult decision might make or break him. It could intensify his romance, to really portray the emotional difficulty of finally reuniting with the person he watched die after two long years.  

If you ever catch me complaining about the date at Apollo’s or even the scene in the Citadel DLC, this is why. I don’t hate the idea of Kaidan cracking jokes about his Canadian-ness or his fondness for steak and beer. It’s that these are the things the game chooses to spend time on, to spend money on, when the more fundamental parts of his character are left either entirely on the cutting room floor or restricted to off-handed mentions. There isn’t anything fundamentally wrong with having a cutesy home cooked dinner scene. I could and would even argue for the fact that this kind of normalcy is a great contrast for a character who didn’t have much normalcy in his life. What bugs me about it is the knowledge that money and time were devoted to a custom beer clink animation when the character of Kaidan Alenko, after several years of game development and an entire trilogy, does not have a single cutscene where he prominently displays the extent of his biotic abilities. What bugs me is that the lighthearted and fun stuff ends up taking precedence over the deeper, more meaningful cornerstones of his character, rather than flesh out the strong foundation that could already be there. 

Even the fans who really enjoy Kaidan in ME3 seem to be at least tacitly aware that Canadian in-jokes and memes about Kaidan’s fondness for steak and beer feel like a little much. They don’t technically take up that much time - it’s only two cutscenes - but because the character lacks so much on every other front, they become overwhelming. They don’t become a cute contrast of normalcy to a character who has lived a life that was anything but - they become the fundamental cornerstones of his character. They become the thing that people take away from the story. They displace and overshadow everything else that was not prominently featured on screen. And even those of us who have dissected his character to hell and back, who know that a strong foundation is there if you dig deep enough into every codex entry, every smidgeon of dialogue - even we are not immune to the impact of visual storytelling. And even we can end up feeling like there’s a bit too much memeing about Canada, too many discussions of steak and flavors of alcohol. 

In the end - what about Kaidan was visually presented on the screen?

That he’ll spend a disconcerting amount of time aimlessly shooting at insects. That he’ll shoot Udina if you won’t. That he really likes steak and alcohol. Anything else, we just don’t see.

If you take all of this together, is it any wonder the main takeaway from a more casual observer is that Kaidan is some relatively uninteresting, painfully average kind of guy?

5. So what?

It’s one thing to identify the issues and even how we got to those issues, but another thing entirely to provide actual, constructive feedback on how to do things better. So I want to spend the next and longest part of this cry for help thought excercise by finding ways to address the issues identified earlier. I’ve already alluded to a few ideas but I want to bring some structure into it. 

As such, I want to outline a script, an editor’s note of the existing franchise. I want to brainstorm some basic ideas for cutscenes and interactions that untangle Kaidan from Ashley, that give Kaidan a bit of a space to breathe and develop as a character and in so doing, create better contrast for Ashley, making the choice between the two seem a bit more meaningful. 

What I want to avoid is airing my own personal grievances with the way Kaidan was portrayed in ME3. I do not intend to win any arguments over who the “real” Kaidan is. Kaidan is a fictional character who was originally conceived by one writer and then adapted for the third game by another. Small inconsistencies, differences in creative decisions and focus are often unavoidable, so I am uninterested in fostering some kind of bizarre fan civil war. Some people prefer Kaidan in ME3. Some people prefer Kaidan in ME1. I cannot objectively prove which version of the character is better - some fans might never even have felt a tangible difference - so I won’t. And I won’t try and change anything about ME3’s Kaidan that I believe to be my entirely subjective preferences, or result from the kind of differences in style of writing that are inevitable under a new character writer. 

Instead, I aim to limit myself to critiquing only those scenes which I believe don’t so much portray Kaidan as “ooc”, because that can mean something different to every single person, but instead simply fail to portray him at all. The scenes that do not provide strong characterization either way, the scenes where I feel like time and money could have been allocated more wisely. I will try and explain my reasoning for why these scenes are often not bad, but achieve less than they could. 

I also limit myself in what can feasibly be displayed on screen, if we consider that games are made under time and budget constraints. I will not do anything that would require large rewrites of any of the games. I will try to achieve as much as possible with as little as possible and won’t replace quiet, dialogue-heavy scenes with busy, animation-heavy scenes. I will try to think as a game dev and writer might, with the caveat that a) I am not actually in game dev and might over- or underestimate certain issues and b) I’ve had the past 10 years to think about this in hindsight with the input of an active fanbase, which is a very different environment to be in, than a game dev who’s been given a certain number of months to come up with or adapt someone else’s fictional guy. 

This is why I am also uninterested in discussing questions of writing competency, or talk about things in terms of “bad writing”, because I do not feel comfortable rendering that kind of judgment on people working in a field I have no tangible experience in and who worked under conditions so very different from the ones under which I am able to comfortably analyze and critique their choices with a decade of hindsight. 

Ultimately, my proposed edits are just my own personal thoughts, though. The idea behind this is to analyze how you visually represent certain characteristics. If you don’t end up liking any of my proposed solutions, if they don’t really match up your interpretation of Kaidan, I hope they at least provide a decent framework for you to come up with your own. 

With all this in mind, let’s see what we could do to address the existing problems.

6. How to fix it:

I will be writing this segment mostly with a paragon Shepard in mind. Renegade dialogue options are often confrontational or shut down a conversation, rather than extend it, so for now I am uninterested to also include an “and you can tell him to shut up too!” option at every turn. In a realistic scenario I would of course need to script a full dialogue wheel including diverging paths, but this is already embarrassingly long for a thought exercise. When actions, rather than dialogue, are supposed to reflect a specific morality, I’ll accommodate both paragon and renegade options, but for conversations I will outline a simple click-top-right-on-the-dialogue-wheel path.

ME1:

All we really need in the first game is a Kaidan-specific cutscene during Eden Prime, affording him the minimum amount of time and resources that are afforded to every other squadmate in the game. I propose the following: As the team encounters the husks for the first time, during the cutscene where they slowly descend from the dragon’s teeth, Shepard, Ash and Kaidan almost get swarmed. Kaidan manages to pull a barrier around them all, pushing the husks out and smashing some of them against the prefab homes. Combat starts after that. Dialogue back on the Normandy will reference this and Shepard can comment on Kaidan’s extensive abilities. 

I would also plainly cut both the conversations for Ashley and Kaidan that allow a player to modify their morality. This change is not really reflected in later characterization of either VS, so it has become redundant in retrospect. Removing it makes both characters seem less malleable and more firm. Any character development or change they might go through would be on their own terms.

ME2:

I suggest altering the Horizon segment and extending it by a little bit. A lot of this comes down to extending dialogue and adding concrete consequences. 

In the initial cutscene, neither Kaidan nor Ash stand around firing pointlessly at a bug swarm. Both of them attempt to cover the colonists, but upon realizing their shooting doesn’t accomplish much, they follow the colonists, shooting at the swarm once or twice (Kaidan maybe even remembering to use those biotics that he has), but ultimately run with them to the nearest prefab house and hunkering down.  Shepard, partway through the colony, breaks into that exact house and finds themselves face to face and gun to gun with the Virmire Survivor. They are disbelieving, but there is not much time to ask questions, similar to how we first encounter Tali. To gain their trust, Shepard can share the swarm-countermeasure with the VS, at which point the path diverges depending on which VS is alive and if they have been given the countermeasure:

If Kaidan is alive:

If given Mordin’s countermeasure, Kaidan decides to head back out and try to find as many survivors as he can. He has figured out by now that his biotics can slow the swarm down and barriers hold them off effectively (as we see in the suicide mission later on), so he focuses on protecting people. A paragon Shepard will agree with him, a renegade Shepard may try to get him to focus on killing Collectors instead, but ultimately Kaidan is immune to their influence right now and will move forward with his plan.

Later, when hitting the Collector ship, more of the pods will be empty, but the ship is almost fully staffed. Companion banter indicates that Kaidan protecting the colonists has saved more lives than initially thought. More paragon inclined characters will note their approval, more renegade inclined characters will bemoan that it’s a hollow victory if they don’t finish the rest of the Collectors off. Shepard’s agreement or disagreement depends on their own alignment. 

If Ashley is alive:

If given Mordin’s countermeasure, Ashley decides to head back out and shoot as many Collectors as she can. She has enough explosives to blow a decent amount of them to hell and wants to slow them down, so they can’t hit the next colony like they hit Horizon. She lacks the biotic abilities that would let her meaningfully protect the colonists. A renegade Shepard will agree with her, a paragon Shepard may try to get her to focus on protecting colonists instead, but ultimately Ashley is immune to their influence right now and will move forward with her plan.

Later, when hitting the Collector ship, more of the pods will be filled, but the ship is running only a skeleton crew. Companion banter indicates that Ashley going after them has taken out more Collectors than initially thought. More renegade inclined characters will note their approval, more paragon inclined characters will lament that a lot of colonists are dead now to give them this advantage. Shepard’s agreement or disagreement depends on their own alignment. 

After the final battle on Horizon, if Shepard gave the VS the countermeasure, they are slightly more amicable in the ensuing dialogue, but ultimately do not join Shepard, still citing distrust of Cerberus and still not fully convinced Shepard isn’t just a clone or a particularly clever VI. They will say that they will share the countermeasure with the Alliance and bolster other human colonies against the seeker swarms. In the debrief, the Illusive Man will be pretty ticked off for sharing such useful tools with the Alliance, but ultimately agrees since this saves human lives. This will also count favorably towards the Citadel stand-off in ME3. 

If Shepard did not give the VS the countermeasure, they were unable to participate in the fight, forced to remain locked down with the colonists. They are even more distrustful in the ensuing dialogue and do not join Shepard, still citing distrust of Cerberus and still not fully convinced Shepard isn’t just a clone or a particularly clever VI. Without the countermeasure, human colonies will remain vulnerable to Collector attacks, but a renegade Shepard’s reasoning is that they will put a stop to the attacks themselves. The Illusive Man will compliment Shepard on being discreet and sticking to the mission plan, revealing perhaps in some sense that his care for humanity only goes so far. This will count negatively towards the Citadel stand-off in ME3. 

ME3: 

Vancouver

To provide one more, at least marginally stronger initial cutscene for the VS, I would involve them a bit more in the flight from Earth. I would have most of it play out as is but modify the touchdown of the Normandy, giving Kaidan and Ashley something more interesting to do than providing broad, unfocused cover fire.

If Kaidan is alive, he could use his biotics to protect Shepard, raising a barrier and pushing away husks similar to how Jack/Samara can push out the seeker swarms in ME2’s suicide run. This is not just to use the same idea twice - if my proposed scene from ME1 is added, this could be an effective callback. 

If Ashley is alive, she could use her marksman ability (her tactical scores are, according to dialogue in ME1, exemplary!) and protect Shepard from husks with a few well-aimed headshots, similar to how Legion protects Shepard during the derelict Reaper mission in ME2. 

The important thing is to visually portray both characters as distinct, with unique abilities all to themselves.

Mars

I am fine with a majority of the dialogue on Mars (barring earlier criticism of the “very capable” conversation as it applies to Kaidan). 

The main change I propose on Mars is that during the final cutscene where the VS is attacked and almost killed by Dr. Eva Core, rather than shoving Liara out of the way, the VS should be shown visibly protecting and saving Shepard. Dialogue later in the game seems to indicate that this is the scene’s intent. Shepard is later portrayed as concerned, possibly guilty over the VS’ injuries and in some dialogue outright states that the VS “got hurt protecting me”, but this is just not what is reflected on screen. Sure, it sounds like pedantry to even bring this up, but players identify strongly with their avatar and a scene in which a character visibly gives their life for the player’s avatar has a very different impact than a scene in which a squadmate visibly protects another. 

So, in my opinion, it should be Vega helping Liara away from the fire, while Shepard and the VS approach the shuttle. When Dr. Eva Core turns out to be alive and tries to attack Shepard, the VS pushes Shepard out of the way, after which the VS gets grabbed, affording Shepard enough time to get up and into position to fire at Dr. Eva Core. The rest plays out as is. 

This has the added advantage of turning the scene into a more obvious parallel for the events on Eden Prime that kick off the first game. Where once Shepard pushed Kaidan or Ashley out of the way and they had to carry their commander’s unconscious body back to the Normandy, the VS finally gets the opportunity to save Shepard at the risk of their own life in turn. 

(Optional: None of the scenes on Mars can be adapted to truly reflect Kaidan’s biotic abilities without fundamentally altering how they play out. For example, the encounter with the turret would have to be amended considerably if Kaidan could meaningfully impact this scene with a biotic barrier, since it’s a tutorial on how to move from cover to cover. Therefore, I am omitting this. If we want to really be sure that no one shouts “plot hole!” just because, dialogue later in the game can posit how Kaidan was tapped out biotically after the fighting in Vancouver and on Mars and therefore was unable to construct a strong barrier when facing the turret or Dr. Eva Core. But that is rationalization of scenes via dialogue and those things missing are not the games’ most glaring issues. Not when contrasted against the missing visual impact of certain cutscenes. This scene is made impactful by Kaidan being severely injured, being pedantic about how he got put into that position isn’t helpful in this case, provided he has ample opportunity elsewhere to show off his abilities.)

Priority: Citadel

I suggest adjusting the Citadel standoff as noted in one of the earlier sections, with one additional change. The Citadel standoff primarily works for Ashley and in my opinion requires no great adjustment. But I would enable Kaidan to make a different choice. Since the standoff is a big emotional scene I would have it test Kaidan’s self-control and show Kaidan’s biotics flaring slightly when confronted by Shepard, then once again more dangerously when Udina pulls out a gun. In a twist, Kaidan, instead of attacking, uses his biotics to trap Udina in a stasis field, allowing Udina to be taken in alive. Maybe that achieves nothing in gameplay terms, maybe Udina is just not high enough up the chain of Cerberus to carry valuable intel, but it would still show that if pushed, Kaidan will remain calm and controlled, take charge of a difficult situation and try to preserve what life he can as a Paragon would. 

A renegade Shepard can still choose to shoot Udina anyways. This gives the resulting recruitment dialogue more possibilities too. Kaidan can be grateful that Shepard extended the same trust to him that he has extended to them, enabling them to resolve the standoff peacefully. He might butt heads with a renegade Shepard who shot Udina, as his current dialogue reflects. 

By contrast, Ash might butt heads with a paragon Shepard who was hesitant, but might approve of the quick reaction time and decisive action of a renegade Shepard, who shot Udina themselves. 

The standoff can largely function as it currently does because it’s not a bad scene in theory - it’s one of the most meaningful the VS ever gets - it simply needs to provide stronger and more distinct characterization for either VS. Two fundamentally different characters should not be making identical choices. 

The Normandy

To better display the impact of the war on Kaidan and his chronic pain, I would add visible pain to the very first conversation on the ship, the one about his parents. The scene is already suitably heavy and Kaidan is already voiced to be deep in thought and in emotional turmoil, so it wouldn’t take much. Slap in the idle animation from ME1 of him rubbing his head, add a line of Shepard asking him if he’s doing ok and bam! - players can see the stress of the war getting to him. 

There are a number of ways to diversify how this plays out. Maybe a romanced Kaidan puts in more effort to hide his pain, maybe Shepard is shown to quickly cut through his bullshit. Perhaps an opportunity could be offered for a Shepard to reach out and attempt to comfort him in the form of a paragon interrupt, falling into familiar motions from before the Normandy went down. It can be a little tense, a little awkward, a little emotionally fraught. 

Most of those ideas hit better than the very general “there’s strength in camaraderie, in empathy” line. This is the first interaction for Kaidan back on the Normandy. It should be a little more personal than that. 

(Re-) Initiating Romance

In a more controversial decision, I would toss out the dinner date at Apollo’s entirely and replace it. I’ve said that I would not remove scenes based on personal preference and this is one of those cases where I just don’t think the scene provides adequate characterization. 

The basic idea of the Citadel date is a sanity check - a break for Shepard and Kaidan. The restaurant, the food and the drinks are vectors to communicate that idea, but the vector is not the important part, the message is. 

Moreover, while a date is cute, this is the scene that potentially reunites Shepard and Kaidan. Whether we’re talking about a female Shepard who romanced Kaidan in ME1, a male Shepard who was never afforded that possibility but for whom the lingering romantic tension can finally blossom into a real relationship in ME3, or a new player who is trying to make sense of two characters who, romantically or platonically, clearly have a history - this scene is pretty significant. Does a romantic dinner date provide useful contrast or does it undercut the potential emotional intensity of what actually happens? Your mileage may vary, but for me, it is the latter. 

And that is why I propose a change. Kaidan’s love for steak and beer will a) return in the Citadel DLC anyhow, where food and drink are not just a vector of a message but part of a message. Namely they set the backdrop for a moment of domesticity and normalcy, providing a valuable contrast to the rest of the games and their more emotionally heavy, serious scenes. And b) it returns at least one more time as a throwaway line, which is better suited for that. Food preferences are almost always communicated in small mentions at the periphery of a character. Fandom made a big deal about Alistair’s love for cheese, but that’s one, maybe two off-handed lines in the first game. 

(Maybe Kaidan’s original writer was somewhat aware of that idea when he wrote that “I’m glad I’m a vegetarian.” line to play on the sidelines, rather than devote an entire cutscene to it. Maybe it’s entirely incidental. But either way, I think it was the right idea.)

My proposition would be to take that break at a location that is significant to Kaidan and Shepard from the first game. My mind almost immediately went to the scenic view from the wards where Shepard, Kaidan and Ashley first have their moment to just talk. It is the first instance of flirting between Kaidan and a female Shepard, symbolically turning it into the place where their relationship kicked off and making it an emotionally significant location from which to pick that same relationship back up. The locale presents some difficulty from an animation standpoint - the wards weren’t put into the game for ME3 - but the game already reuses assets from the first game when talking to the Council and I see no reason why we can’t do the same here. The location can be polished up with new assets and the view over the ward arms exists in the game, in ME3 you just see it from the docking bay. 

With refugees pouring into the docks and shortly after the coup on the Citadel, this part of the wards could be comparatively quiet, empty streets reflecting a Citadel during war time, with people either spending time with their loved ones or letting loose in clubs. Dialogue could clarify this to set a scene of quiet reminiscing and establish that, just as the Citadel’s residents, Kaidan and Shepard take a moment to spend time with the people that are important to them, platonically or romantically - each other. 

The conversation would be nostalgic, looking back to their first day on the Citadel, reminiscing about Ashley and bonding in their shared grief. Regardless of specific lines, I think a nostalgic, contemplative mood a) reflects Kaidan as a character better, b) has a heavier, emotional impact on the player (esp. with that incredibly sad music that suddenly overshadows the cozy mood of Apollo’s) and therefore better fits into the narrative arc of ME3, c) better communicates the characters’ shared history, both to returning and new players.

The confession can play out rather similar to the original date, but I would support the emotional tone a bit more with animations. Rather than the calm hand kiss we see, I want to showcase Kaidan’s self-control one last time - this time, by breaking, rather than maintaining it. Regardless of whether this is a returning or a new romance, I think I can justify an impulsive, sudden kiss between the two, initiated by either Shepard with an interrupt, or, if missed, by Kaidan, finally and symbolically giving in (possibly once again) to his feelings for Shepard. If Shepard initiates the kiss, it mirrors the kiss in ME1 on the flight to Ilos. If Kaidan initiates it, it becomes a parallel that maybe indicates some measure of character development on his part has taken place - here, at the end of the world, he’s finally, truly letting go. (Can you tell I like parallels?) A harmless flare of his biotic corona underlines this idea and could give rise to a bit of jokey flirting. 

Animation-wise, think Solas’ first kiss in the Fade or Cullen’s first kiss on the battlements. If that’s not in the budget, maybe they can reuse it from the first game? This is where it probably shows that I am not in game dev and therefore cannot properly estimate how easily animations are converted from one game to another, so it’s entirely possible that this kiss is a bigger challenge than I think it is. But a hand kiss is a unique animation too, costs money and time to make too, so I like to think a regular kiss would not be completely out of the question or out of the budget.

One criticism that can be leveled at this idea is that this isn’t as much of a break - not as much of a sanity check as the original date at Apollo’s, but for me, creating strong characterization is more important than sticking to any one writer’s original plan for a scene, even if their original idea was good on paper. If you feel very strongly about the date at Apollo’s, if you have an emotional connection to it, I understand if this seems like an unnecessary and unwelcome change. I hope it’s at least understandable why I think changes like this are valuable, even if any one person does not agree. 

Biotics Division

The only thing we’re missing now is something that adequately portrays Kaidan as an officer, teacher, leader of people. I’ve already said I won’t script additional, animation-heavy content like, say, an entire mission (loyalty or otherwise) and want to come out under or within the current scope. So I am replacing another scene that isn’t fundamentally wrong or “bad writing”, but underutilizing the character. 

I’m specifically talking about the Cerberus debrief after Jacob’s mission. While I think it’s a decent portrayal of Kaidan’s character - he is shown to be introspective, thoughtful and empathetic - I don’t think it adds enough to really justify its existence. Kaidan reflects on Cerberus and comes to the realization that some people in Cerberus might have been “good” people. Which doesn’t seem like the kind of epiphany he needed to have. 

This kind of dialogue implies we’re supposed to believe Kaidan had an extremely simplistic “evil bad people” view of Cerberus as an organization, which undercuts his intelligence. He was already pretty insightful about politics, especially when it came to the distinction of “pro human” and “human supremacy”. Dialogue about Udina, about humanity and its place in the galaxy and his responses to the presidential candidate from Terra Firma already establish Kaidan as savvy enough that he probably shouldn’t be so completely blindsided by the idea that some people working for Cerberus might have been doing so for the right reasons. Several of those people are already on the Normandy, including Kenneth and Gabby, Joker, Dr. Chakwas - and the person he is literally talking to right now. For Kaidan to have this epiphany only now and in such simplistic terms, visibly stumped by a morally complex situation, seems almost condescending. 

In short - ideas are being communicated that a) don’t need to be communicated from a player’s perspective, who is already submersed in the moral complexity of working with Cerberus in ME2, b) wouldn’t be particularly useful in providing context for the new players and c) doesn’t communicate an idea that Kaidan would really be struggling with at this point. And if it doesn’t do any of that, then it seems arbitrary to have it and I feel no great sense of loss by replacing it with a scene that is absolutely sorely needed - an introduction to Kaidan’s spec ops squad. 

With the upgraded communications room and the fancy new blue holographic imaging, the choice feels rather obvious. Shepard gets a message to join Kaidan for a call when they can. Biotics division has made contact with Anderson as they are currently fighting on Earth, who put them through to Kaidan and Shepard.

Shepard walks in mid-conversation as Kaidan is talking to the holographic images of his XOs; maybe Anderson makes an appearance too, bringing them all together. The particulars of the dialogue are once again not that important. I would simply include something that reflects Kaidan’s intelligence and tactical know-how, giving his people advice on things - maybe how to secure rations, maybe how to approach a specific mission. The important thing is - you are seeing Kaidan leading. Some informal banter between him and his squad can cement an emotional connection Kaidan has with his people. 

There’s probably space here for both light-hearted banter/flirting, or other more emotionally heavy conversations about hope, tough calls and the end of the world. Kaidan could reflect on his position and how he feels about it after everything Vyrnnus once put him through. I don’t want to settle in favor of any specific idea because like I said, I don’t want to script out the exact dialogue wheel, but rather set the stage for a general scene that can go a variety of ways, be used in any manner to communicate something fundamental about the character. The important thing is seeing Kaidan having a relationship with his squad and Shepard, not me dictating what that relationship looks like exactly. 

Aaaaand that’s it! There’s nothing else I think is in desperate need of extensive editing. The Citadel DLC scene can remain happily as it is - because now it has become a bit more stand-out, a bit of a better contrast to the rest of the games’ content. Anything else I might note would be based on my own personal preference, rather than meaningfully contribute to visual characterization.

7. The core issues: resolved? 

After all that, let’s do a recap and see what original issues we have addressed and how we’ve addressed them. 

Characterization through biotic abilities: 

Added the display of biotics in all three games, mostly focusing on defensive abilities (barrier, one of his core abilities), showing us a more protective, caring Kaidan. When he uses offensive abilities, it is ultimately in service of protection, which is fitting for a sentinel - the resident tank class. The use of his biotics displays a character who is calm and in control of himself and the battlefield.

Cementing Kaidan’s morality: 

No opportunity to change Kaidan fundamentally. He is his own person.

Paragon morality is depicted in both the main interactions in which Kaidan is presented with a choice - Horizon and the Citadel standoff. When Kaidan is permitted to act, he acts like a Paragon.

Displaying Kaidan’s leadership: 

In ME2, Kaidan is shown doing his utmost to protect the residents of Horizon. That may not be leadership in a military sense, but it does show that he can take responsibility for other people’s lives and take charge of a situation.

In ME3, Kaidan is shown interacting with his students. While we still can’t see him in action without more extensive changes, we can get a glimpse of what he might be like as a leader based on how his troops interact with him. 

Empathizing via pain: 

Kaidan is now shown at least once to visibly strain under his migraines. It also affords Shepard the opportunity to emotionally connect with him in this moment of pain. 

Maintaining self-control: 

Kaidan now showcases strong self-control even in a very tense, high stakes situation during the Citadel standoff, using his abilities to pacify and control the situation, to avoid harm. It becomes an inversion of his original fight with Vyrnnus. Kaidan’s an adult now and he chooses to use his abilities to prevent harm, not cause it.

On the flipside, because he manages to resist the loss of control here, it makes it feel more significant when he finally loses it in the romance scene. It underlines how strongly he feels about Shepard and how liberating their relationship is for him. 

8. I think we might finally be done here

In the end, your mileage may vary on how much you like my proposed changes. I am not the original writer of Kaidan Alenko, I can only give my interpretation of the character and at best speculate about narrative intent. Other fans might interpret characters differently, might prioritize different things. The things that I see, value and love in Kaidan Alenko might not be the things you see, value and love in Kaidan Alenko. The scenes I suggest removing might be so important to you that you can’t get behind the idea of changing anything about them. And that’s ok.

My goal with this… whatever the fuck this is, is not to prove what Kaidan’s characterization is or should be, but to illustrate how characters in video games are characterized and use that technique to construct a characterization for Kaidan. You can use the same thought exercise to come up with scenes that better reflect your Kaidan Alenko. Maybe you really just enjoy the character as he is and don’t think anything needs fixing, in which case, boy I hope you didn’t put yourself through reading this entire thing. 

In the end, I made this mostly for myself, because I enjoyed it as a creative exercise and because in a way it allowed me to exorcize (get it? Exorcize, exercise? ) a lot of the things that have been itching in my brain for the past decade. 

I may in the future fully script the proposed dialogue scenes, as another creative exercise and will happily post them here as well. If anyone else manages to get a kick out of it, that’s fine and dandy. 

And with that, I rest my case. 

TL;DR

Kaidan Alenko is one of the most interesting characters in the Mass Effect universe on paper. Because he lacks a number of character-specific cutscenes, misses large parts of the plot and ultimately shares a large part of his scripted animations with another character, players cannot pick up much of that character while playing the game. Seemingly small parts of his personality, like food preferences, do get screen time and become almost overwhelming, rather than provide additional detail to a well-defined character. The result is a character that requires a not-inconsiderable amount of time and effort spent dissecting dialogue and connecting codex entries to find the real personality underneath. 

#Kaidan Alenko #Mass Effect #Mass Effect 2 #Mass Effect 3 #shenko #character meta #meta #let's see if it lets me post it this time

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

@allvalley100

Prompt: Superstition

Pairing: Hawkmetri

The rest of this AV100 prompt that I didn't have time to finish before the prompt closed XD This one is a 7-parter--700 words total! Only fitting they should get a happy ending for the last AV100 post I write for them <3

***

Day 38

Talked to Eli about his…interesting new lady friends. They’re making me miss when he was hung up on Moon, honestly.

Anyways, turns out they’re just some exiled lesbians he took pity on. Families disowned them for kissing women, growing fangs, etc etc. Last I heard, Yas is single—maybe she’d want their numbers?

Woke up with a couple (bite?) sores on my neck, so I asked Eli about his pest control situation. He says everything’s fine, but I have my doubts.

Side note: Are metal allergies possible? Had to toss that silver crucifix—damn thing gave me hives.

*

Day 40

Confession: I’m worried about Eli.

There was an…incident a few days ago, and I hoped if I mulled it over enough times, it’d start making sense. Wishful thinking.

Was shaving the other morning when Eli barged in. Funny, I didn’t see him coming in my shaving mirror—can those things glitch? Thought that was only Smart Mirrors™️.

He started ranting about how “mirrors are for pussies,” and threw mine out the window??? Incredibly inconsiderate.

He insisted I didn’t need to shave because I’d look hot with a beard. How do you tell if someone’s joke-flirting or actual flirting?

*

Day 45

Have I mentioned Eli’s weird about blood now? Unsure I like it.

Cut myself on some loose board (this castle needs renovation), and he freaked out. Wouldn’t even look at it! Wailed about “blood being too precious to waste” and ran away. Huh.

Townsperson banged on the door today, telling Eli to stop eating people. I opened to tell him that was nonsense, but I noticed he smelled...appetizing? Like a gyro wrap.

He made himself scarce before I could say anything, but…kind of hurtful, honestly. I know I’m a bit gangly, but I’m not that ugly, am I?

*

Day 47

Finally got a wifi signal in here! Only took 4 hours of fiddling to make Eli’s TV work.

We binged Castlevania today. Eli’s favorite character is Dracula, supposedly because he’s “such a badass and is gonna kick the asses of every one of those lame humans.” I think it has more to do with Dracula having a soft spot for a smart, good-hearted human who he goes absolutely batshit avenging, but Eli’d never admit to this.

Side note: Is it hypothetically possible for one’s reflection to gradually grow more and more translucent and dead-looking? Asking for a friend.

*

Day 50

Bad news: Eli ate the mailman today, and I…may have helped.

Walked in on him draining the guy’s blood, and naturally demanded an explanation. Eli said to settle down because “there’s plenty to share!” What an insane suggestion.

But since the mailman was already dead...

In my defense…best AB positive I’ve ever had. Not that I’ve had much. I’ve dabbled a couple times, but who hasn’t?

In better news: Wearing the “amnesia” down! We’ve been reading through the library together, and Eli’s instinctively remembering what kinds of fantasy and sci-fi I like. He remembers me—I FEEL it.

*

Day 60

Okay! Know what’s going on now.

We were reading Buffy comics when Eli clutched his head and started shrieking. Everything came back at once.

After I calmed him down, he spilled everything. Getting involved with a Kung-Fu-practicing vampiric “organization” promising nigh-unlimited badassery. Being taken to Europe, undeadified, and given a blood-only diet…none of which sharpened his memory.

Admitted I’m not inheriting a Greek estate, and I only came to find him. He tearfully told me that’s a shame. He imagined us building a life there. Maybe raising some goats?

Fuck it—if he wants, I’ll make that happen.

*

Day 140

Been a while! Busy, busy!

Surprisingly easy talking “distant family members” into giving us a land plot. Maybe it’s superstition. Maybe it’s healthy fear. Regardless, people don’t like saying no to weird, sharp-toothed out-of-towners.

Made Eli promise he’ll discuss with me before joining any new martial arts-related cults (especially ones that strand him in isolated castles as soon as he “isn’t evil enough”). Now he only feeds every so often! We’ve gone through some neighbors, but it’s an improvement over Transylvania.

Also, our eldest nannygoat gave birth! Eli named the kids Hellraiser, Slayer, and Wrathchild. I love them.

#allvalley100 #amnesty week #hawk x demetri #demetri x eli #binary boyfriends #hawkmetri #hawkmeat #elimetri #demetri x hawk #eli x demetri #demetri alexopoulos #demetri cobra kai #vampire!demetri #(spoilers lmao) #eli moskowitz #hawk #vampire!hawk #vampire!eli #cobra kai #dracula au #vampire au

[thedemigodoracle]

Please read:

Ok, so as I jokingly said before “I’m back.” - I’m not joking, I am back.

Not entirely yet but here are some things to wait for in the near future.

Before I list it I need to browse fast through the real life stuff first so bear with:

- one of the reasons I did go missing from art and fandoms in general wasn’t just the ammount of books but also family situations, depression, relationships and in the last few years I lost grandma, grandpa and even my mother to a disease they don’t have it diagnosed yet because it was so rare.

Obvsly took a major hit to my mental health and the ability to write and just have energy kinda left me. I’m handling it I’m in therapy. This is all we need to talk about it.

- it’s been over ten years since some of your fave fics have been updated and while both Clichesbullet on ff.net and thatu on DA will be there and won’t be deleted HERE are what’s to expect:

1. My endgame here is reading the books back and forth again, as well as other source

Material for other fandoms I will

Be publishing for.

-updating the old fan mixes and uploading it to Spotify so it’s more accessible and going back (when possible to art).

- I will use AO3 some new aesthetics and user name (though probably just thatu) and edit a lot more to fit what I believe is better not because the world changed in general but because so

Did I.

Some of the racism and homophobia will still be there are these are the characters having flaws whose arcs weren’t complete but lots of it will also be changed because I’m 34 now I also the world is changed and some stuff just wouldn’t fly and I kinda hate it (but the old material is still there available on the old

Accounts).

- I’m not sure technology will be adapted but some references will here and there and I can clearly deliver something better now that I’ve taught English for over half of my life and am taking a masters degree on translation studies.

- real life will get me too busy sometimes so please I hope you’re excited but I know lots

Of you also have jobs or even families. So leave reviews and keep

Me company but also understand I was bad at updating before even with better time

Management this is will be a ride.

- I’m doing this to prove myself I can do and make good things.

- This site as well as the thatu blog will be updated.

- if you were a follower and have deleted your tumblr or changed usernames please leave a reply with who we were because I’ve had an eventful few years. I remember most of you, but I may need a nudge.

- both my writing and art style have developed and so did my world views - stuff will look different but hopefully still bring you comfort. And laughter.

And tears…?

- there will be some one shots posted focusing on stuff like grown up characters and new knowledge

We now have though the characterization will still follow the book ones as that’s how I kinda got used to it.

- I’m back but I’ll be getting back slowly and posting updates here. Tell ur friends who haven’t been here in a while but used to be part of our group of

Weirdos.

- I missed being a fandom person and hopefully now I can find solace in you guys back again.

- some new fandoms will pop up, as will

Some

Ships (see what I did there? Find solace? Will some ships? Hehe).

-Some extra texts will be added to whatever adaptations I make especially regarding transphobia and HP though I do intend to finish my Hannah/Neville story.

- maybe I’ll write original

Stuff too who knows?

Also, I missed you, spread the word. There’s a brand new old me in town. New ships, new views, new one shots, edits, a very different music taste (actually no I just added more stuff) and a lot of improved knowledge of vocabs and world geography.

Please spread this to whoever you think might be interested. It’s not popularity or anything, I’m trying to get back some pieces of me I lost along the way and writing and drawing used to be FUN and help me make FRIENDS.

I’ll keep u posted once everything is at least remotely ready to go.

And omg you’ll finally know what Silena had on clarisse.

Oh and I’m still not for writing smut but there will be more Adult/Mature like material as some ships require it and I am older. No minors having descriptive s*x

Of course but u know it’d feel weird to talk about these huge ass long relationships and not bring it up naturally.

Anyway, reply to this with whatever. Leave a like or something too but mostly leave a reply so we can start this journey together -

New younger fans are also welcome I’ll make my best to keep this space as safe as possible!! I teach kids and teens and I’d kill for u to have a place to be you safely.

Also there will now be additions on author notes for whether a ship is canon or fanon what I adapted and new fandoms new ships and trigger warnings before sensitive chapters that deal with stuff that before I wouldn’t.

Love, I’ve missed this,

thatu.

#calamity clarisse #Percy Jackson and the olympians #PJatO #leu a #clarisse la rue #Chrisse #thatu

[farfromstrange]

Hello everyone,

Putting a read more for those who are not interested and just want to stop scrolling. This is a life update from me to you.

But I’d be happy if you read it because you’ve been a part of my life and this journey into becoming an adult in my early twenties with me and I just want you to know what’s been going on. Don’t worry, it’s not a goodbye.

I’m so sorry for being MIA. Life’s been a mess. But I got the apartment I took a look at last week and I’m about to sign the lease, which means I’m going to move out of my childhood home in the next six weeks. It’s three hours away in a different State, and I’m starting college in October too, so now I have to figure out how to actually be an adult. I need to organize the move, get all the paperwork done and find a job while also figuring out how college is gonna work. I’m a bit stressed and slightly emotional, but I’m hanging in there.

I haven’t had the time to properly write, but I have some drafts I finished before the stress started and I will take some time to reread and maybe post before I disappear from view completely.

I saw how active you all were, interacting with my posts and stories even though I was gone for almost two weeks there and didn’t put anything new out, so thank you all for that. It makes me feel so appreciated, you have no idea. And those who checked up on me, I love you more than I can express.

I just came home from watching Barbie and decided to take some time to go through Tumblr now because I’m a writer Barbie and I can do anything I set my mind to. I’m powerful. I feel like what’s about to come for me is going to change everything, but in a good way, and I can’t wait to finally set a foot out into the real world and just be me. Live life by my own rules, you know. It’s what I’ve wanted for so long. And I can finally do what I want and study what I want. I can do what I’m good at. And I’ll find a way to give writing a bigger role in my life as soon as I’ve moved out because I’ve also dreamed of this day for a long time now, even though it’s still a little scary, but as Taylor Swift once said “You’re on your own, kid. You can face this.” And I strongly believe I can, even while doubting myself sometimes.

Honestly, Barbie was so inspiring to me, someone who’s been told I can’t live my dreams because they’re stupid dreams and I have to be like everyone else, make money without being happy, please my family and everyone around me, and fit into the shoe box, which isn’t true.

This movie healed my inner child and it gave me a good smack over the head. I’m going to struggle before fully realizing that my independent Barbie girl era starts now, but I think I’m ready and I think I can do it well. I hope so. And I can live my dreams. I don’t have to be what everyone else wants me to be. Playing it safe is so boring.

Thank you all!

I love you 🩷

(Also, I’ve packed a few boxes already, and three of them are just books and Funkos. That’s so funny to me. But it’s also kind of hard to say goodbye to this room, you know?)

Next on the list is my wall, and it’s gonna be painful to take it all off and transport it without destroying any of the pictures.

(Thank you to everyone who gave me ideas for prints I can hang in my new apartment, I’ve found a few already.)

Now this is all. Thank you! Sending hugs and kisses your way. I’m gonna try to post something (probably Mikey content because that’s what I’ve got stashed away) tonight or tomorrow, and then I’m gonna get back into writing as soon as I’ve got my life organized.

Yours,

Lizzi 🩷

#lizzi talks #lizzi updates #barbie is such a good movie #that being said #life is hard #i’m sorry #that sounds so dramatic #it’s just a life update and some words about my projects nothing more #don’t worry #matt murdock #michael kinsella

[too-many-rooks]

Writing procrastination game!

Thanks @lastlymatt for tagging me, I got rambly so I’ll put this under a ‘read more’

Tagging @pigandpepper @known-concepts @countessrivers

1.) what’s the name of one of your wips?

My doc names are usually very boring 95% of the time I finish a fic and think it’s ready to post and realise I need a title. How about ‘Yassen Bedroom Visit’?

2.) Describe a Wip in the format of __+__=__

SCORPIA heir Alex + totally normal kidnapping and drugging in the middle of the night get to safety orienteering exercises = childhood trauma

3.) What tags/warnings will one of your Wips need if you share it?

Forced child seperation?

4.) alternative title to a wip?

I don’t really have alternate titles! Titles tend to come pretty late in the process!

5.) which wip are you most likely to update/finish next?

Probably one of my s3 aus I’ve got brewing, there’s a longer thing I posted the first chapter of today but I also have some one shots, one where Yassen gets wounded fighting off Alex’s enemies and Alex basically has to hold him down to say he cares about him, and another where Yassen comes to chat to him in the middle of the night (while Alex is sleeping) and they catch up.

6.) what is one of your wip’s document title, not what it’s name is but what you have it saved as?

Again, extremely boring. Some examples - ‘Tom/House introduction’, ‘stables’, ‘the ball’, ‘heir apparent 1-9’, ‘hunting’ ‘hostage’ ‘orienteering.’

On reflection, these are very badly organised. But, hey Ho.

7.) post any sentence from your WIP?

Okay this took me forever to decide bc I want to share like, all of my sentences, but here’s a sentence from my SCORPIA heir Alex thing where Yassen just tries to take a day off, but is interrupted by Alex sneaking out of school/the country and mountain his school is on

‘Rubbing his eyes with his forefinger and thumb, he blocked out the little blonde headache sat before him, and sighed, already imagining the state of his email inbox when he got back to his laptop, which he’d sworn would stay folded in its case for the rest of the day.

“And how long ago was this? When should I start expecting panicked calls from your father?”‘

8.) a scrapped idea from your WIP?

Not necessarily a scrapped idea but evidently one I forgot about and rediscovered as I was flicking through google docs - originally a pre-season 3 idea (but could work post s3) where Yassen retires, and decides it’s time for Alex to retire too, even if he doesn’t want to. Very “congratulations you are being adopted! Do not resist.” Meme with Yassen that I’ve seen on here, the bit I’d written was him contemplating the least traumatising way to kidnap him, to make sure they’re a happy family unit post-kidnapping

9.) what’s a story you would love to write but have yet to start?

Alex sees dead people AU - Ian knows, when he dies his ghost becomes bound to Alex, and helps take care of him/watch over him in the field, Alex bumps into Yassen at Point Blanc and immediately recognises the ghost bound to him as his father, especially as he begs the assassin to stop pretending like he can’t hear him for once and let him see his son, to protect him.

10.) how many WIPs are you actively working on?

Four - regency fic, darker Alex s3 au, two other s3 aus I mentioned earlier. Suprised myself by how much of this longer ‘SCORPIA heir’ Alex thing that I’d put off for a while I’ve actually written. That’s one that I really want to finish before I start posting bc I’m bad at doing work without an immediate emotional reward/it’s a longer than anything I’ve written before and I don’t want to give up on it when it’s half published. I had been delaying it till after s3 but maybe time to get to work (will try and finish regency fic first)

11.) is there a scene your struggling to write now?

Oh I mean so many but the most immediate stumbling block is with the regency fic, chapter after this one they go to a ball and that’s almost basically written and so is a lot of the next two chapters but there’s things I need to thread into this chapter that just don’t want to be threaded - I need Alex to start being a bit more suspicious of Yassen, and remember that whole thing about his uncle being murdered now he’s a bit passed the initial princess diaries revelation moment.

I was thinking like Alex waiting up for him on Christmas Eve or something and falls asleep then is woken by Yassen sneaking back in and Alex noticed he’s got blood on his clothes or something and Yassen just shrugs him off and reacts more strictly/authoritatively than he has before. But the scene is a bit sludgy I my mind atm.

12.) Not a question but a second kudos!

#Alex rider #tag game

[i-am-beckyu]

I posted 534 times in 2022

That's 534 more posts than 2021!

108 posts created (20%)

426 posts reblogged (80%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@brick-a-doodle-do

@orchid-harmony

@squishys-soft-stories

@colossal-red

@poprockpanda

I tagged 169 of my posts in 2022

#nmw - 42 posts

#mcyt g/t - 28 posts

#mcyt gt - 21 posts

#g/t - 19 posts

#g/t community - 15 posts

#beckyu answers - 14 posts

#beckyu arts - 13 posts

#gt community - 13 posts

#brick my beloved &lt;3 - 13 posts

#gt inktober - 12 posts

Longest Tag: 132 characters

#i have literally never tired art in this style nor in g/t so i'm actually flippen proud of myself for how well this came out asdfghj

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Don’t forget to mention that...

Well I never expected this to be the first finished bit of writing I posted here. I promise I’m still writing that other one I’ve hinted at, I just want it to be perfect!! I actually wrote this back in August and was re-reading it and thought: huh its not bad so edited it a bit and here we are. (this is literally the 2nd fanfic I’ve ever written as well as g/t piece and I haven’t even finished the first so please be kind qwq)  This was inspired by an artwork that @dingbatnix created! Original post here  I hope you like it ❤️

cw: mcyt g/t, soft, slight panic, mention of death man I hope that’s right

word count:  2375

“A nap in the sun would be nice right about now.” George said as he made his way to the top of a big red toadstool. Winter was fast approaching and the time for napping in the sun would soon be over while the cold months of snow and ice overtake the world. George didn’t mind the thought of snow though. I mean, when you’re 2 inches tall, snow isn’t exactly your friend when even a light powder can have you buried and frozen alive. It was going to be tougher to find food and shelter soon too. Part of him wishes he hadn’t left the colony; that he had stayed with his own kind rather than travel the vast world. But he had lost his parents long ago and had never made any real friends back home, so what real attachment did he have in staying? So George had instead chosen a life of adventure. He’d been wandering the forest and plains for a few years now. Learning about its hidden wonders and knowledge unknown. While he wasn’t exactly born for magic, he had certainly picked up the odd spell or two. He had once befriended a size-shifting fire-born demon named Sapnap, that he had spent the winters with in the past and learnt some basic spells anyone with enough practice could use. Although he had never actually seen his friend's bigger form, he missed Sapnap dearly. He had left to go meet with an old friend of his for a while and George had decided he wanted to continue to explore. But whilst George was curious and loved discovering new things, he tended to stay away from anything larger than a bush. Or if he was being more specific; Humans. When you live in a world that’s 100x bigger than you, sentient beings 100x bigger with it are terrifying. He’d seen the destruction beings of such caliber could cause. If they wanted to, they could tear through trees with massive iron blades, light fires and cause havoc in an instant. But at worst? They’d stamp out life in a heartbeat. And while you think they may only be stories told to young children to keep them within the safety of the colony walls, George had seen it first hand. His parents had hidden him in a small grotto before leading the monsters away. And because of that, he’d never actually encountered a human in person. That was definitely something he could be grateful for. He’d only seen a little of what had happened to his parents before they had passed and he had opted to drown out the sounds of destruction rather than watch it in horror. Who knew it would be the last time he would ever see them. He missed them dearly but was thankful that in all his time traveling, he’d never seen a human and hopefully never would. Hope might have been an understatement….

George placed his little toadstool hat to the side of him as he removed his satchel from over his shoulder. He brushed over it lightly, a small smile gracing his face as he reminisced in fondness. He had fought with Sapnap over how to do smaller stitches rather than big uneven ones that left room for holes, rambling on how his attention to detail was just George being picky similar to his other friend. George then smoothed out his moss cloak to lie on and laid back onto the toadstool, resting on his back using one hand to cushion his head. His other hand fiddling idly  with his light blue shirt. He adjusted his white rimmed goggles on his face with delicate care and closed his eyes as the warmth of the evening sun shone upon him. It’s ray’s practically dancing along his skin as it warmed each cell of his very being. It was nice. On rare occasions he would find himself being able to enjoy the sun like this. Too often this world was out to get him and yet somehow he would find the odd times that he could let himself drift away in bliss. Drift away…. Maybe to sleep? Yeah, that sounded nice. 

George continued to keep his eyes closed and began to focus on the sounds around him. Despite his loud and rowdy personality, Sapnap had shown him how to enjoy moments like these. He missed him dearly. Perhaps their paths would cross again during the winter? It was unlikely since he could size shift and had said his friend traveled around a lot, but George was happy for him. A small part of George wished he had stayed with him. Sapnap had even offered for George to accompany him and meet his friend, always saying how he thought they would get along so well and how much he knew they would just love George. But the fact that Sapnap was a size shifter implied that his friend was also one and that scared George. He wasn’t ready for that no matter how much Sapnap insisted that they wouldn’t harm him. George shook away those thoughts for now though, because he was going to drift away. Just for a bit… 

The sounds of rustling leaves in the breeze began to get fainter as George felt himself lulling off to sleep, the sun continuing to blanket him in its warmth. He was almost asleep when he suddenly felt the surface beneath him move. ‘Probably the wind’ he thought. Then it moved again. ‘Okay maybe there’s a deer nearby. That’s ok.’ And again. George opened his eyes slowly. “So close to a nap” he grumbled. The toadstool shook again. George’s mind quickly came back to reality. He could hear the steady sound of massive footsteps approaching as his world began to shake over and over. “Ok, maybe not a deer.” George said out loud as he slung his satchel back on and his hat. Whatever was coming was big and that was never good. The footsteps continued to come closer and the shaking worsened. The steps were timed and even, something that animals rarely did. Whatever this was wasn’t an animal. “Oh no.” George said as the realization dawned on him. “Please don’t be that. Oh please anything but that.”

George raced to slide off the top of the toadstool. He was practically exposed if he didn’t get off there fast enough! He managed to make it off the top and landed to the ground with a thud as the sound of tree branches parted. The sound of footsteps ceased right in front of where George was hidden beneath the toadstool. Not a single sound followed. Carefully, George peered his head around the side of the Toadstool and let out a small gasp. In front of him mere inches away was a giant boot. Starring up and up at the giant being before him was his worst nightmare. A human. The man wore a bright green hoodie, blonde hair just in view peeking out from behind a white smiley face mask that covered most of his face from view. But the most terrifying thing about this being was the black shiny purple axe he held in his hand. He’d seen weapons like that before. It was an enchanted netherite axe: one of the most dangerous weapons in existence, and it was held by a human. 

“Hello? Is someone there?” It said.

George slapped himself in the face as he clasped his hands over his mouth. What a fool he was. He was trapped with the only cover being the toadstool. The next closest cover was too far away to run too without being exposed and even if he ran, the human would probably reach him within seconds. He stayed perfectly still. It felt as if he moved even slightly the toadstool would disappear and he’d be discovered. The human had yet to move. George could only imagine it was scanning the area searching for something. Someone. Him. Carefully he peered out from under the toadstool, trying to get a better idea of what the human was doing. Said human had its back turned to where George was and as predicted was scanning the area looking and listening intently. He watched as the human turned its head slowly as it scanned the area once more. As it began to get closer to looking in his direction, George ducked back out of view. His breathing picked up a little as he did so but he focused on the matter at hand. There’s no way the human saw him right? Right?!? Without warning, the toadstool was suddenly yanked up out of the ground and into the air. George shrieked, eyes wide as his only cover was ripped away leaving him completely exposed and at the mercy of the human. The human and George suddenly fell deathly still, shocked by each other’s presence. Even though the human wore a mask, George could still feel the human's eyes burning a hole through his soul. It had found him. What was he going to do now?

“Wow.” The human whispered in amazement. “Look at you.” Well George didn’t care how amazed the human sounded, his words were enough to snap him out of his frozen state and make a dash for cover. “WAIT! NO! Come back!” The human yelled as he suddenly made a move for him. George ran for the closest bush he could find. He didn’t care where he hid, anything was better than being in the open at the humans mercy. Unfortunately, he didn’t make it far before a large hand gripped itself around his body. He wasn’t held overly tight but it still felt suffocating. It was too warm, too big, too strong! All it would take is one good squeeze and the human could pop George’s head off! 

George tried kicking and thrashing in the Humans hand. His arms were pinned to his body so he was limited but anything was better than nothing in hopes of getting the human to let him go. He felt gravity shift as the human lifted him up higher and higher from the ground. Sapnap had tried to take him flying on a bird once and he had not enjoyed it being up so high. Finally, the grasp loosened around George and he found himself sitting cupped in both the humans massive hands. The human still wore the mask but while he couldn’t make out the human's eyes, he now felt as if it was studying him over. Taking in every last detail of his appearance and it was terrifying. “You’re actually real.” The human said as he poked him with a finger. George hugged his legs to his chest and curled in on himself, willing himself to just disappear. “Please let me go.” He whispered out. He could feel tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. He didn’t want to meet the same gruesome fate his parents had. Maybe if he was obedient it would show him mercy? “I’ll do whatever you want, please just let me go!

“Hurt you?? Oh no, is that what you think I’m going to do?” The human said the sound of disbelief coating his voice. “I just can’t believe you’re actually real. I thought all this time he was just making you up.” George dared to open his eyes. The human still had its mask on but somehow he looked calmer, gentler. “But still, he never said just how small you were. You barely even fit in the palm of my hand.” 

Now it was George’s turn to be in a state of disbelief. This human was speaking as if it knew George but couldn’t believe he existed. That someone had told him about himself. “What do you mean ‘He’ was making me up? Who on earth are you talking about??” George asked. “Oh Sapnap did. He kept going on about how he met this tiny person called George and that you used to live together.” The human replied. “He always goes on about how much we’d get along and how much I’d like you.”

Sapnap? SAPNAP?!?! This was the friend he was always talking about?!?!?! A human friend. How had Sapnap failed to mention the one most important detail that his friend was a human? Sure he’d said that his friend wouldn’t hurt him but never once had he mentioned or implied that his friend was Human. George began to fume. “I’m going to murder him first chance I get!” George yelled. “He never said you were a human! He always said the same thing to me too about how great you were and that we could be like some dumb Dream Team!” George said steaming.

“Really? I rather like the name Dream Team.” The human said, laughing a bit at the end. “Then again, I’m biased with my name literally being Dream.”

“Wait, your name is Dream???” George said as he stared up at Dream, the apparent human. “Wait he didn’t tell you my name? Oh Sapnap’s an idiot I swear.” George laughed in response. “Oh don’t I know it.” They both laughed for a bit at the dumbness of their friend. “Well it’s nice to meet you then Dream. I’m George, but I’m guessing you already knew that huh?” George said as he began to relax. Dream shifted George into his left hand as he grabbed his mask with the right and lifted his mask. A face dotted with Freckles adorned with a mischievous grin and bright green eyes looked back into his own brown and blue eyes. “Yeah I knew and man I’m gonna mess around with Sapnap for not telling you more about me when we get back.” Dream said as he turned and started to make his way out of the Forest.

And as the two trekked back to where Dream and Sapnap had set up camp, George couldn’t help but be at ease. Even though Dream was a human, he couldn’t help but feel safe in the human's grasp thanks to Sapnap and all those stories he had shared. Even if he’s never told him once that his friend was a human, he knew he could trust Sapnap and that was enough. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I actually finished a story. I never thought this day would come T-T. I really hope everyone enjoyed this it was a lot of fun to write and I’m glad I did get around to finishing it. Thank you @squishys-soft-stories for reading the draft ❤️ Stay tuned for the first fic I’ve been writing tho!!! I’m dying at not just sharing it now but its not far off being done!! I promise its going to be worth the wait! Thanks all again if you read to the end ❤️❤️❤️

60 notes - Posted October 30, 2022

#4

Crimeboys it is.

And would you know it, it be a fluffy Crimeboys prompt with an instinct driven Giant Wilbur and a human Gremlin Tommy.

The prompt starts with Wilbur not letting Tommy go as he woke up with instinct begging for him to take Tommy everywhere he goes.

Tommy tries to bite Wilbur's fingers so he can put him down but Wilbur ain't buggin anytime soon.

Anywhere Wilbur goes, Tommy is right there since Wilbur isn't letting him go.

Like you can have Wilbur be at work and he still brings Tommy with him as an example.

Just make it as fluffy as you can, you can add anything you want.

If you're up to make this prompt then pog, that is if you want to do it.

Also, if you wanna send me a random g/t prompt that u have, go for it.

Quack

This has been in my inbox since I joined Tumblr.

Orchid gorgeous!!!!!!!!! I've rewritten this twice!!!! It took me awhile as I got stuck at one point BUT! I had a new idea today so while its short, I'm very happy with it! I hope I did the prompt justice and you like it!!!

Mine to hold close

cw: mcyt g/t , soft, fluffy, tiny tiny death mention. Words: 607 [One shot]

“Can you put me down you prick?! I’m not gonna freeze I swear!!!” Tommy said with huff as Wilbur scooped him up.

“After the last time it snowed? I don’t think so.” Wilbur responded as he tucked the little human close to his chest. 

“But Wiiiiiiilllll!! I’m not even outside this time!” The giant always tended to get extra clingy around this time of year. His instincts in high gear and on Tommy the second he was awake, worried that Tommy wasn’t warm enough. Tommy didn’t blame him though. Not when he literally met Wilbur in the midst of a snow storm. He hadn’t meant to lose the trail and get stranded in Giant territory, but stuff like that always seemed to follow the Great Tommy Danger Kraken Innit! He’s just lucky that the giant had found him in the snow before he became a frozen popsicle. And even luckier that this Giant didn’t eat humans. So yes, Tommy understood that Wilbur was going to be a little extra cautious about him almost dying of Hypothermia again. But he didn’t have to be so damn cuddly and touchy all the f***** time!!

“Wilbur I’m fine! I’m not gonna get cold! The fires going and keeping everything nice and toasty warm, so stop being a d*** and put me down!!” Tommy said as he squirmed in Wilbur’s hold.

“Tommy. You are literally the most chaotic little gremlin I’ve ever seen. If I put you down, I guarantee you’ll be screaming for help in less than five minutes trying not to freeze your a** off!!” In retaliation, Tommy started biting and scratching at Wilbur’s hand. It didn’t hurt of course, but Wilbur found it cute watching the attempt at escape. He loved Tommy like a brother and ever since he found him had sworn to protect him no matter what, his instincts often being a little overbearing at keeping the chaotic child safe. And if that meant holding onto him for hours at a time, then he’d happily oblige. So what if he had to do his work with one less hand? He’d take holding Tommy any day. That and his instincts kept screaming at him to keep the human close.

After a few minutes Tommy eventually resigned himself to his fate and just chilled in Wilbur’s hand. Though he’d never admit it, he secretly loved it when Wilbur would hold him. He felt safe knowing nothing could hurt him when he was with the giant. He didn’t have to worry about anything and could just be content with his pseudo brother. Staying with the giant being the best decision of his life after their first initial meeting. 

Tommy stayed in Wilbur’s hand all day. They chatted while Wilbur did his chores, Wilbur singing songs to Tommy, Tommy sharing wacky insane ideas with Wilbur, all the while the giant's instincts to keep the human close not faltering once. As day turned to dusk and dusk turned to night, Tommy eventually curled up in Wilbur’s hand. Snuggling in as he fell asleep, hugging one of Wil’s fingers close. Wilbur had to resist the urge to coo at the small sleeping human in his hand. Tommy was so small, so fragile but you’d never guess he had such a boisterous personality and was as lively as what he is. Slowly and carefully, Wilbur made his way to bed, getting in and tucking the human close to his heart. He sighed contently knowing nothing could hurt his brother, his instincts finally satisfied. 

“Good night Tommy.” Wilbur whispered quietly as he drifted off to sleep. The brothers comfortable in each other’s warm embrace.\

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO I MADE ANOTHER FIC!!!!! THAT'S 2/3 POSTED!!!!!

I swear I'm still writing the other fic! I swear! I swear! I swear!!! It's gonna be worth the time its taking! PROMISE

64 notes - Posted November 13, 2022

#3

I finally did it!!!!! I got one of these miniature sets!!!! I know people have done them before but this one’s mine with a few personal touches as I didn’t quite do it ‘By the Book’!! That and my silly brain also won’t allow me to glue any of it down either because it’s like: But what if you meet a tiny person? Then they can’t move anything 😭!!!!! So yeah I’m happy!!!

See the full post

72 notes - Posted August 6, 2022

#2

Day 5 and 6 of @aaytaro-gt gt Inktober!!!!!

Yes I missed the day to post 5. but anyways we have Dance and Jar!!

Jar also features one of my fav people @a-tiny-frog-girl love ya Froggie 💚

See the full post

75 notes - Posted October 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

So I have found another thing to give a shot in amongst everything else I’m doing this month! I’m going to take part in g/t InkTober using @aaytaro-gt prompt list! I want to take the opportunity to practice drawing certain positions and I’ve never really tried to draw gt art before so here’s to hoping I stick to it and make some improvements 😊 might switch between traditional and digital art who know.

Day 1. Acorn

See the full post

85 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #the only thing that matters in this whole review is that I got the funny number #Also the fact that my top tag was nmw shows how little I post lol

[cheri-translates]

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers from calls which have not been released in EN! 🍒

 This call accompanies R&S (罪) but there is no need to read it first~

[ First Call - 00:00 - 01:18 ]

Gavin: Why’d you buy me a huge bag of snacks?

MC: HAHAHA, are you very surprised?

Gavin: A little. After all, you confiscated several boxes of my cup noodles.

MC: Cough cough. They’re actually slightly different in nature! Although Captain Gavin has been eating punctually these days, it's very easy to forget about taking care of yourself when you have to go on sudden missions... That’s why I bought little packets of snacks that are convenient to carry around~ But I picked healthy snacks, so you can rest assured!

Gavin: [laughs] I would have actually preferred if you picked some less healthy ones.

MC: ...

Gavin: Cough. I was just kidding. I’ll bring some of the snacks along with me every day.

MC: Hehe, it’s okay to bring a little more. Once you’ve finished them, I’ll fill the bag of snacks again~

Gavin: Sure. Tang Chao, what are you doing? Look at the signature on the box and put it back right now.

MC: Pfft! Did Tang Chao take the box of snacks away?

Gavin: ...yup. He thought it was from the STF.

MC: In that case, I’ll buy a little more and send them over~ Everyone can get a share.

Gavin: It’s okay, don’t mind them. The cafeteria is enough to fill their stomachs.

MC: Does Captain Gavin plan to hog all the good food for himself?

Gavin: Not really. But they contain your sentiments. Before I take the first bite, no one else is allowed to touch them.

[ Second Call - 01:21 - 02:42 ]

Gavin [this line isn’t voiced due to an error]: Why aren’t you asleep yet?

MC: Well, you aren’t asleep either~ But weren't you a little too quick? You called right after I liked your post on Moments~ I recall that you don’t have any missions today... are you having insomnia?

Gavin: Mm. I’ve tried lots of methods but they’ve all failed. So I called you, because talking to you makes me feel the most relaxed. You don’t even have to say anything. As long as I know that you’re here, I feel at ease.

MC: Since you’ve put it that way, should I talk or not?

Gavin: Talking will be better. I really want to hear your voice. I’ve been going on missions lately and didn’t have the chance to call you.

MC: In that case, let’s make up for lost time~ Why don’t we start by resolving Captain Gavin’s insomnia?

Gavin: Sure, I’ll go along with you.

MC: I came across an article which said that if you can’t sleep, don’t force yourself to sleep. The first thing to do is be in a comfortable state, and not focus on the insomnia.

Gavin: Understood. Are you feeling tired?

MC: Me? I might have slept too much in the day, so I’m feeling okay. What’s up?

Gavin: In that case, I’ll go over to your place right now.

MC: Right now??

Gavin: Yup. Since you said that I shouldn’t force myself to sleep, I won’t sleep. As compared to making a phone call, I want to see you even more. I’ll be there very soon.

#mlqc #mlqc cn #mlqc spoilers #mlqc gavin

[fallout-lou-begas]

Less people know me on tumblr than they do on twitter so I feel a bit safer using this as, like, yknow, a blog that is personal, and something that’s been eating at me for a while is that the pencils to the first two pages of the next IKROAH have been done for a while but when I tried to ink them I fucked it up so bad that I’ll probably just have to completely redraw them, and I don’t think anything that discouraging has happened to me before since I started drawing back in 2020. It’s just been really hard to motivate myself for the mulligan when I’m already worried about messing the inks up again, and also I’ve been under a heat advisory for the past week and change so I’m already too hot and sweaty to be motivated to do much of anything lmfao

I remember when IKROAH first started I would put out issues every two weeks or so, and then once per month, and treated that as almost like a schedule or a deadline, which was insane! All while working the same full-time job that I do now! Admittedly that pace was only achievable because frankly my art was worse and sloppier and while impatience is definitely still my biggest weakness as an artist, I have undoubtedly improved over time but at a certain point making art better means taking more time on it. It’s created this weird conflicting feeling where art and comic pages aren’t something that I can just bang out in a day or a few days anymore, and even relatively small projects are pretty big time and attention investments. Obviously I could revert this by just embracing drawing more shittily but, like, come on, I have my own standards. And this isn’t insurmountable and doesn’t mean that I hate drawing now, not at all, but this change in my relationship to my art and my art-making has definitely been on my mind a lot, especially as I’m aware of how much I’d rather just play video games or hang out with my husband whenever I’m not at my job. Because that’s a big part of it, the increase in how much art feels like “work” means I don’t want to do it as much in my leisure time. It’s good work, it’s work that I love doing (much more than my actual job lmao), but it’s still work and lately I haven’t wanted to work!

It’s another funny balance. A wise friend of mine once said, bluntly, that you do it or it doesn’t get done. This applies to making and finishing art of any kind, reading books, cleaning house, developing skills, etc., and applies even if you’re sick or busy or distracted by myriad other things. If the only people who ever made and finished art were the idle people with the luxury of all the time in the world, we’d only have pretty shitty and boring art. So unfortunately the only way to get good art or to make it is to power through feelings of overwork or sickness or exhaustion or whatever is ailing you and make it anyway. Intellectually, I know this, but emotionally(?) I’m just dealing with a real lack of steam ever since I finished a zine at the start of May. It’s not like I depend on commissions or print sales for income or anything, anyway, so it’s not like I have an urgent need to be drawing, either, the way some other artists might be.

These thoughts don’t really have a point. I suppose I’m just self-conscious about falling off such a meaningful hobby to me for so long, about not Making Things, especially as someone who generally figured that she Makes Things? But it doesn’t feel like burnout or loss of interest, it just feels like I’m doing what I want to do and enjoying it and I just don’t want to make art as much as I used to. Maybe if I got paid my current salary to work on comics eight hours a day instead of doing data entry I’d get a lot more art done but that just goes back to the previous paragraph lol. I don’t really need any kind of “chin up lou, i’m sure you’ll be able to draw again soon” or “it’s okay take all the time you need” kinds of comments because I feel like I know these things already and I’m just Posting Through It

Anyway how’s your summer going

#louposting

[kaz3313]

for the fanfic ask game, F and L 👀👀

L: how many times do you revise your fic/chapter before posting?

This really depends on the length! If it’s a single fic around 1k or under I’ll usually write everything, revise once, post, read it over in case I need to edit anything real quick. I usually leave it for a few hours to a day so I have “fresh” eyes to look over it.

For longer fics I tend to read through parts of it as I go/revise as I’m making the fic. So if I’m at the end of a scene, and plan on writing another scene, I’ll look over what I have, revise, and then write more. I Also do read through the whole thing afterwards- and unless I’m on a time crunch I give myself at least a day after “finishing” it to revise.

F: Share a snippet from one of your fav dialouge scenes and explain why you’re proud of it:

(Everything is under a readmore because tumblr format makes things quite lengthy)

So I shall share two!! One from a fic I’ve posted and one from one I have not :)

(Snippet from Pit of Sorrow, Pit of Comfort):

“It could definitely be worse… Though I mean not to offend you, if it wasn't for Quan Yizhen I would’ve gone to Yin Yu. At the same time, he is far too subservient to me. You have a bit of a bite to you. What if I was left without either of you? Then who would I seek out?”

Seek out- there, the beginning of Hua Cheng’s only way to “cry for help”. Seeking out people he couldn’t care less for (their relationship was strictly business after all-).

“Crimso- Hua Cheng, would you like to do something to help your mood?”

“Yes, I’d rather this encounter be enjoyable. What would be the point of it otherwise?”

Instead of offering what was in his mind or anything he wanted to do Hua Cheng stood there- He Xuan, if not for his good judgment, would strangle him. Why couldn’t he just be one bit normal?

He, of course, would be expected to think of something.

“We could go beat the shit out of The Green Ghost?” He finally offered.

(Snippet end)

I really enjoyed when I wrote this and posted because I’ve seen miscommunication used a lot for angst (understandably) but I really enjoy using it for humor. Tbh I really love the dialogue in this fic in general because of Hua Cheng’s nonchalant attitude and He Xuan’s bubbling worry about him while also trying to keep himself more neutral. It was a fun piece to work on!

Snippet from (Part two in a series and fic unnamed). Please note is rough draft so descriptors will be added when I do post it:

“Randy, we need you back. Soon as possible- you can come in tomorrow even. You don’t have to go on the bullshit training, you know your shit, and same hours as before.”

“Is it cause I’m the only one who’ll work with crazy-“

“We can’t find anyone else who’s willingly to work with Karen,” He sounded oh so desperate.

“And people have been-“

“I can’t believe it but people have been asking about you. You know seemingly know every actor, plot, and directors of every movie here”

“Yeah, also I enjoy cl-“

“And of course you’ll have to close again on weekends but you never minded that. So how about it?”

“Under a few conditions. Number one, I get my keys back, the keys I used to have don’t try to pass someone else’s on me.”

“Done,”

“Fifteen cent raise,” He stated.

“Five.”

“Ten’s my final offer. Otherwise I’m not coming back,”

“… Alright. Ten cent raise.”

“And! If you fire me again and rehire me I get another ten cent raise and a bonus.”

(Snippet end)

This is actually an incredibly angsty story so I really enjoyed making this type of witty/non serious dialogue in between everything. I think even for the most serious of writing a bit of lightheartedness is needed (whether he from internal dialogue, external dialogue, or even just a humorous scenario among all the more serious ones). Also it is quite hard to write angst with nothing at all inbetween (for those who can massive kudos)

#ty for the ask #I see the other one so I shall answer that one too <3 #ask games

[lovemesomesurveys]

This time last year, what was happening in your life? It’s pretty wild to look back at this time last year and have absolutely how badly things would take a turn in a couple months. I really wasn’t doing well health wise, but I never thought I’d wind up in the hospital for 3 months with everything so out of whack and almost dying twice (I did once).

Did you/will you have coffee or some other form of caffeine today? Of course I will. Ya’ll should know me by now. I have my Starbucks Doubleshot white chocolate energy drink right now.

Who did you last have a text conversation with and what was it about? My mom. She had asked me to do something for her and I had some questions about it. I also had to show her a couple things. 

Are there regular trains in and out of your town/city? Yeah.

Do you bathe your pets regularly? She gets bathed every few months. It’s actually better not to do it too often.

Do you have a mailbox or do you collect your mail from the post office? We have a mailbox. 

What was the last animal you saw, and was it a pet? Yes, I last saw my doggo. 

Have you ever had an ear infection? I have. They’re quite unpleasant. 

If you could watch any TV series right now, what would it be? I want to finish the rest of the new season of You. I watch it with my mom and brother, so with their varying schedules it can take us awhile to finish a show. If I were watching it by myself, I would have been done in two days (one day for the first half that was released and another day for the rest).

Would you have any clue when your best friend last got their hair cut? I think my mom cut her hair a couple months ago.

Someone messages you just as you’re about to go to sleep. Do you reply? A text message? I likely wouldn’t even check it. Or, I’d read it and not reply until later on. 

Do you grind your teeth, and if so, why do you do it? No. My doggo does and it’s really cringey because you can hear her teeth grinding together. 

Have you ever been hospitalized due to dehydration? Well, dehydration was part of it. It was a small part of many issues I had going on. 

Is there anything you need to remember to do before the day ends? Hmm. Nope, don’t think so. 

When you listen to music with headphones, do you keep the volume low enough to hear surrounding noise faintly, or do you blast it? I like to be able to hear a little background noise to be aware in case something important happens or someone calls me. 

What’s your favorite online radio site? I very rarely use them anymore, but I do like Pandora. 

Do your parents have any authority over who you date? I mean, no, seeing how I’m 33 years old, but that being said their opinion very much matters to me. It’s important to me that my parents like them and they like my parents. If there were any issues or concerns, I’d want to hear them. Ultimately, it’s my decision but I would listen to what they had to say and take it seriously. I’d want to be able to work it out and not have any issues. 

How many different shades of nail polish do you have? Zero.

What did you have for breakfast this morning? My usual Cream of Wheat. 

Are you lucky enough to have an ice maker in your refrigerator door? I wouldn’t consider myself lucky if I had one or unlucky that I don’t. I don’t even use ice, so it doesn’t matter to me.

Are you the type to wake up before the sun has even risen? Some nights, even having taken my sleepy time meds, I wake up a couple times before the sun comes up. It’s super annoying. Thankfully. I typically go back to sleep, but I love the nights when I’m actually able to sleep all the way through. 

Have you ever watched an anime series, start to finish? I have, actually. I can’t remember what It was called at the moment, but it was a show a friend had gotten me into. 

Do you feel the need to rant about anything right now? If so, go for it. I mean, I certainly could, but I’ll spare you for now. 

Do you have a favorite towel? What color is it? No. 

Have you seen any films with Judy Garland in them?: I’ve only seen The Wizard of Oz. 

How did you feel when you woke up today? Why? >> tired. kind of sad. because that's just how it is sometimes? I don't know, man. <<<< Oh, do I understand that feeling all too well.

Who was the last person you messaged on Facebook? My mom.

When was the last time you saw them? This afternoon before she went to work.

Do you have a friend named Nick? What’s his favourite food? No.

What are you listening to? A YouTube video about Disneyland ride history. 

What year are you/did you graduate? I graduated with my BA in 2015.

Are you obsessed with anything? I tend to get that way with shows and movies I really enjoy.

Do you prefer waffles or pancakes? Mmmm, waffles.

Do you prefer non-diet or diet soda? Non-diet.

Do you like seafood? Blech, no.

Are you craving anything right now? My Doritos Locos taco that I’m about to eat.

Do you dress appropriately for your age? I think my leggings and oversized graphic tees are appropriate attire.

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you buy them? Yeah, I think I would.  

How long is your hair? It’s choppy and short. My ends barely reach my neck.

Do you like your neighbors? I don’t have any issues with them. I don’t even know them.

What’s your school motto? --

Has a bird ever flown into your window?  Nooo.

Which word did you say first, mama or dada? I think I said, “mama”, first. 

How old were you when you learned to walk? I never got to that stage thanks to my accident at 7 months old that left me paralyzed from the waist down. 

What was your first pet’s name? His name was Buster.

How many kids were in your class in kindergarten? I think there were like 30 or so of us.

Who was your best friend in elementary? Back in the early elementary school days best friends kinda changed all the time. It was a very loosely used term. I’d say my real best friends I met in 5th grade. 

Who was the best athlete in your freshman class? I don’t recall. I didn’t pay attention to the sports stuff.

What teacher did all the high school boys/girls have a crush on? There wasn’t one to my knowledge.

Where do you see yourself in a year? I hope by this time next year I’ll actually be able to do things again, travel, and gain back my independence. 

If you were able to change one thing about yourself, what would it be? My stubbornness. The amount of issues its caused me that could have totally been avoided...

Are you content just blending in with the crowd? I never want to stand out in the crowd. I just want to do my thing, pay no mind to me. 

#personal #text #survey #surveys

[daburuwosagase]

Guess I'll do a year review for the heck of it.

2022 sucked badly for me and for many loved ones (you know who you are). It's been very trying from start to finish. A lot of my coping mechanisms just did not work. There is no silver lining in losing family and friends. There were so many awful circumstances popping up without rest that left me feeling powerless. Dates are arbitrary, but I have been looking forward to the end of the year since March.

In the coming year, I want to get off the internet and go outside, get a job in the field I'm actually trained for, focus on one-on-one relationships, whatever else will make me feel like I'm progressing with my life. I've been very thankful to have physical stability all this year and last. But it's time to get back up.

Recounting all the awful stuff would just be a downer, so I'll list off the positives:

Graduated after six years! Got oodles of qualifications! Sure would be nice if an employer took notice! I worked my butt off to actually get good grades in the last semester and boost my GPA over that 3.5 threshold. I think I'd have been really frustrated if I had ended up at 3.49. So I'm proud of myself for pouring effort into my own future for once.

(Technically) finished up the biggest translation project I've ever done. I'm not taking on that much unpaid solo work ever again. But wow, I think I deserve street cred forever for that one.

Got foot surgery after four years! Now that I'm *literally* back on my feet, it's...

...actually, I'm gonna derail this post and talk candidly about that. I just did my exercises for the night and my legs are feeling great. I bounced up the stairs with a spring in my step earlier today, and moderately quickly at that. I've been able to go on walks around the neighborhood and still have strength after getting back home. I can just STAND. Back in the summer, I couldn't even stand around normally without some pain.

I'm frustrated with myself for not getting help earlier, for always thinking "yeah it was pretty bad last week but it's feeling better, so no need to call the doctor, right?", for taking so long to progress to surgery even when I finally DID see a doctor. It shouldn't have taken four goddamn years when, according to what I'm reading, surgery can be considered after six months for what I had.

If you're reading this right now and you experience chronic pain: please schedule an appointment. Don't wait for the next flareup.

Anyway, it got so bad that I just couldn't walk. The pain wasn't like constantly walking on spikes — it only felt like that for brief moments here and there, as if that's much better. But it WAS constant, and eventually would hurt even when sitting down. And I was wondering if I was going to be stuck in pain for the rest of my life, not able to go anywhere, not able to do anything about it. And I *did* give up on going outside and standing in the kitchen long enough to make a meal.

When the doctor explained surgery as an option to me, it sounded too good to be true. Nothing else had worked, yet this method was supposed to be a total cure? She made it sound pretty damn perfect though. So I scheduled a date, put my life on hold for two months, and actually started to feel hopeful. Only a month left of grinning and bearing it, only a few weeks, a few days...

...and like I thought, something just HAD to go wrong. Just like every other thing this year. One stupid false positive test and eeeverything got rescheduled, and the month-long timer got reset, and I was heartbroken. It hurt so much and I was so scared that it'd happen again.

But as you know, I *did* get the surgery. I was insanely anxious in those last three days beforehand, but by god, afterward, there was NO pain in the places where it'd been constant before. Sure, I could only crawl for two weeks, and I'm still relearning how to walk properly, but holy crap! I can move around! I can stand around aimlessly and it doesn't hurt! I could probably run, though I haven't tried! I managed to walk around for two hours on uneven ground last month and see the sights of a nearby national park, and it was beautiful and unbelievably peaceful and it's a memory I'll treasure for life. We're planning to revisit the same place next month, and while I know it won't be the same as that perfect first time, I'm still so excited for it. I can plan in advance again! I have things to look forward to again! All of this seemed impossible a few months ago!

I'm still holding my breath a little because this year has just burned me over and over again. But the groundwork has been laid for things to get better.

#personal #cw: medical #oops! turned into a different post halfway

[the-travelling-witch]

Okay so I started writing, HOW DO YOU WRITE?!

I am trying to think of things to write but it is literally impossible to think of things to say. I know what I wanna write, but when it comes to typing it I'm completely lost

ah yes, the eternal question which strikes both reverence and absolute terror in creators far and wide

“where do i begin?”

[everything below this cut was written in a sarcastic 2am frenzy, read at your own risk]

i guess it depends on what you already have: is it a character, a setting, a plot or a dialogue prompt; sometimes you might only have ✨a vibe✨ but none of the formerly mentioned, which is, to put it lightly, the absolute worst in that case i pray upon thee good luck my friend

i mostly start off with a line of dialogue because that’s just what usually comes to me first, everyone’s a little different in that regard though and there’s absolutely no right or wrong answer to what motivates you

from what i have i try to fill in the rest of my blanks, mainly “who could say that?” and “in what context could this line be said?”, often enough i can imagine a scenery and a rough story line around that already; if not, it’s though luck and i procrastinate until the missing puzzle piece just comes to me, forcing it wouldn’t help anyway

it can also really help to bounce your ideas off of someone else; even if they don’t contribute anything new or helpful at all, voicing and describing your thoughts to someone else can help visualise what you’re working with and often enough inspiration strikes you in the process; also every now and then, others do have a sensible thought too jsjsh /lh (to everyone who’s ever had to listen to me ramble about me fics, you’re a god-sent, i love you, mwah mwah <3)

that’s when i usually sit down and prepare to meet my arch nemesis: the first sentence

my tip: just rip the band-aid off; you have to start somewhere and contemplating the first five words for hours on end does absolutely nothing but hold you back and you can come back and edit it later anyway (i almost never actually do that bc spoiler alert: the first sentence won’t make or break your fic; a “bad” first sentence won’t make it unreadable but a neat one also can’t save what is unsavable)

then i proceed to word vomit onto the page, have a couple mental breakdowns every now and then, finish about 95% and procrastinate the ending again (same tip as before: just get it over with, not writing it is not finishing your fic either; also, believe it or not, the end is changeable as well)

i continue by promising myself i will go over and rewrite the abomination again, then i throw it at my best friend so she can tell me that a) i’m in fact not delusional and people won’t think i’m completely weird for writing that and b) yes, i have in fact used the language known to most as “english”; although, deep down, i know i mainly do it so i can further procrastinate actually posting my fic and opening myself to potential criticism from people i do not know

if i’m feeling particularly motivated, i might actually start formatting my tumblr post, putting in the tags and writing the head of the fic (summary, pairing, warnings, author’s note etc)

i receive feedback from my friend, reread my fic a bajillion times just to miss a bunch of typos and grammatical errors, proceed to break my promise and not change my fic at all, paste it into tumblr, and hover over the post button for a disgustingly long time

once i’ve actually decided to press the damn thing, i immediately close tumblr and bring a safe distance between me and the app

now all that’s left to do is wait for validation from strangers on the internet in form of tags, comments or asks

those were a lot of very sarcastic words to basically say that you should just get started and not worry about it too much; every fic is different and sometimes the words seemingly don’t stop flowing and other times it feels like you’ve never seen a word before in your life; you can also flip-flop between these two stages within the same fic

at the end of the day, we write because we like torturing ourselves visualising our ideas on a page so we can share them with others; art is hard so this is the next best medium to share the headcanons and the brain worms and the rants and the incoherentscreaming the voice in your head does when you see your favourite character

we’re no professionals, we’re just silly little people on our silly little blogs sharing our silly little stories with other silly little people on their silly little blogs who in turn share their silly little stories with us

this is my guide to how i write 90% of my stories; why only 90% you ask? because every now and then a monster comes by, takes up all your brain space, ends up being 11k+ words and you just know you would’ve gone absolutely mental writing it without some form of planning before hand

if you don’t write anything like that, the dumpster fire above might help (mainly the beginning because it just got weirder and weirder with every added paragraph)

to close this off, i’ll leave you with some wise words

roses are red,

violets are blue,

don’t ask me for advice,

i ain’t got a clue

this is your sign to never let me write a writing guide, ever

#coffee & tea break #letter from: the lovely yourloc lgh0st ✿ #it started off good #and turned weird really quickly #blame it on anything but me #i do hope this somehow helps #and if you didn’t think i was a complete and utter idiot before #how’s your perception of me now? #if you came here looking for actual advice #i’m sorry #i might sit down and write a more serious guide if people are interested #i’m trying to demystify the process of writing with some sarcasm #it’s really not that scary

[jmflowers]

Fic questions… 4 and 7 please!

4. answered here

7. Writing habits:

I wrote a genuine novel in response to this, which is less habits and more my method, so... it’s below the cut.

           My process is kind of weird, but it works for me. Right now, I’m at the start of a new project, so I’ve been letting myself rest after finishing the last big thing I worked on – watching a show, reading, relaxing. I’ve been taking notes on ideas I want to play with and screenshotting prompts that have been sent my way so I can look at them on my phone whenever I want. The other bit of my preparation is listening to music – when I’m in a project, I build a playlist and typically only listen to that, but in between projects I try to listen to music I haven’t heard in a while to see if a theme or a lyric hits me as important for the next project’s playlist. I’ve also been researching words that don’t translate to English for titles.

           Next, I’ll dive into writing my first draft. As I’ve said in other answers, I try to spend as little time as possible on the first draft and focus instead on just getting the words out. If I get in my head and start worrying about phrasing, it’s over. The first draft is often only dialogue (half of which gets cut in edits), only movement, or a fuckton of duplicated words. I throw 90% of this draft out by draft two, so I just need a basic image of how the scene is going to play out.

           I typically start on draft two before draft one is fully completed, I don’t know why. I think I get bored. This is where I end up typing way more than I actually use, because I use the HP half screen magnetizing whatever-you-call-it feature and place the draft one doc on half my screen and a new, blank doc for draft two on the other half of my screen. I never, ever just copy and paste what I’ve written into a new doc (even if I’m posting to tumblr, tbh): everything gets typed out again. As I re-type things is when my brain comes alive and I start formulating better phrasing or new ideas or add sections that weren’t present to begin with. Sometimes the scene takes on an entirely different shape, sometimes it keeps the same rhythm and just gets bigger. If I get stuck during this, I go back a few paragraphs and start over. During the powder room scene in Travel Light, I initially wrote Carina tired, but the further I went down that path, the harder it was to make the conversation between her and Maya happen, so I threw it all out and started over. This is where I start to get ruthless.

           Often, I tumble into a third draft from here. Again, I don’t necessarily finish draft one or two before starting three. This is also a moment when I pin the previous doc to half my screen and start in typing on a new doc on the other half. (This is a weird habit of mine that I wish I could explain.) I retype everything once more. This is tedious and exhausting and probably why it takes me so long to get shit done, but I have no interest in changing my method. Draft three is where I get highly, highly critical with my stuff. I cut any dialogue that is redundant or potentially out of character or too telling. I read everything spoken aloud to make sure it sounds authentic to how I’ve heard people communicate with each other. I never, ever want my characters to say exactly what they’re feeling because I don’t know a single person on earth who does that. I cut anything that could be construed as my own regional slang if my characters aren’t from where I live. In Canada, we love to say we’re “heading” to things and that pops up in my work a lot before draft three. When I wrote for Charity/Vanessa, this is where I would add more British slang – budge up and torch and tuck in. And if any word shows up less than three paragraphs from where it was used before… I change it. That’s a silly pet peeve of mine.

           Finally, I read it over and over and over again. I read it on different screens or in different fonts, attempting to catch every typo or grammar mistake or punctuation error. I do this until it feels like my eyes are bleeding. I do this even after I’ve posted. It’s stupidly important to me that my finished work is as polished as I can make it.

           For fun habits… like I said, I build playlists. I usually pick up some little thing that helps me settle into writing for the specific characters I’m dealing with. During Extraordinary Measures, I had a coconut candle on my desk that I would smell while writing to put the scent of Arizona’s shampoo in my mind. While writing for Charity/Vanessa, I would make myself a cup of tea before I sat down to write and anytime I hit a wall (I drank so much tea that I developed sensitive teeth). For Maya/Carina, I think I’m just attached to my laptop; as long as I have it to work on, I can and do write anywhere and everywhere. My coworkers on the farm have gotten used to me typing during lunch breaks.

           I’m in a rhythm right now where it’s very easy to hammer out 700-1700 words in a single sitting. That brings me immense joy. If I write any amount within that range in a day, I’m content with my efforts. Whenever I feel like I’ve had enough, though, I stop and do or work on something else.

fic writer asks

#I don't think this actually answered the question... but whatever #fic writer asks #janelle's asks #thank you #englishstrawbie #counting this as my writing for the day so

[sesamestreep]

Fanfiction writing asks: 8, 36, 42, 68, 72!

#8: Post an out-of-context spoiler from a wip.

With the right person, Microsoft PowerPoint can be its own love language.

#36: What fic are you proudest of?

okay, not to be super self-important or whatever, but i think it would have to be stack the deck with wild cards. maybe i am just thinking about it because of the current clusterfuck in the us over roe v. wade, but i’m genuinely proud to have written a story that casts abortion in a neutral/positive light (not that i’m conflating writing my little story with political action or anything!!) and i had so many wonderful conversations about that with people in the comments and i felt that it came out exactly the way i wanted it to. it also was my first experience with writing multi-chapter fic and i posted all of it the week of my birthday and it was an amazing experience overall. i just think that that story is emblematic of the kind of writer i want to be all the time.

#42: What’s your favorite title that you’ve come up with?

this feels like cheating because i take all of my titles from song lyrics, so i don’t really come up with them, but i guess if i had to choose it would be how many acres, how much light, which gets its title from the song “Mushaboom” by Feist. i very rarely pick a title for a fic and stick with it (i usually go through three to five ideas for every single one before just giving up and picking the most recent idea when it’s time to publish), but for this one i was determined to finish the fic because i knew i wanted to use that specific lyric as the title. that song means so much to me, with its message of looking forward to all the joys that will come your way in the future even if they're not here yet, and i was delighted to have an excuse to use it for something. i also just think it suits that fic perfectly.

#68: Are there any fics that influenced you to write the way you do?

i mean, i’ve read so many great fics in my life, across like hundreds of fandoms, lots of which have inspired me or informed my writing in some way, but to avoid writing the longest answer possible, i’ll stick with just one example. basically anything @kaikamahine has ever written has made me want to be a better writer, but i reference maisie makes a deal constantly. it’s outsider POV, which is so hard to write (i still haven’t gotten up the courage to try it myself) and elizabeth does it so so well that i honestly wanted to just keep hanging out with her OCs at the end, forget about captain america and [reads smudged ink on hand]…. binky?? is that his name?? the way she writes is so lyrical that her prose feels like poetry, it’s so economical and gut-punchy. it makes me want to take more risks when i write and go for the imagery when it feels right and just trust the readers to follow, which i think is good advice for writers. also her fic probability engine was so good that i spent a whole week trying to think of a comment i could leave to express how much i loved it and how much it kicked my ass and instead i would just get too emotional about it all over again and need to sit down and i just never actually left a comment (sorry, elizabeth!!) …this is the short answer to this question, if you can believe that.

#72: What’s your favorite writing compliment you’ve gotten?

someone once commented on stack the deck (linked above) that they’d read each of the chapters (which i was posting daily) as they got ready to go back to college and that it had helped distract them and kept them from getting stressed out, and that has always stuck with me. i think the best we can hope for of the things we make and choose to share with others is that they can function as a metaphorical hand reaching out to provide comfort or solidarity or even just recognition. my reach in this space (and in the world in general) feels/is very small but with that comment, that person let me know that it was enough to reach them, and to be there for them when they needed someone, even in some small way. that made me so happy and it still cheers me up to think about now.

#this spoiler will be disappointing to you zainab because you have read most of that scene already #sorry #this got very tender and emotional I’m sorry for that too #thank you for the questions 💖💖💖 #ask #firstelevens #writing ask game #homelywenchsociety #i realize maybe the compliment question was supposed to be more concrete compliments #But this is my favorite thing anyone has ever said to me about one of my fics #so it felt like the right move