#but at least a couple of times a year there's some shit like this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bad268 · 3 days

Note

Hii can I request a Paul Aron x reader? Maybe like they went to school together and she was known to keep to herself but he finds out she drifts cars as a passion outside of school. Maybe a cute interaction after he watches her and he's with a couple friends too?

Drift to Survive (Paul Aron X Drifter! Reader)

Fandom: RPF/F2/3

Requested: Clearly (haha I speedran this, but I learned a lot of shit about drifting <3) (Also, off-topic but LOOK AT HIS HAND)

Warnings: None

POV: Second Person (You/your)

W.C. 1132

Summary: Drifter! reader decides it's time to share the infamous after-school activity.

Join my 1K Celly

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

What had started as an after-school activity turned into a fully-fledged career after a while. You had started drifting back when you were younger. Your dad used to compete in Drift Masters (DM), and you had always been interested in it since he would take you to the rounds.

By the time you were 10, your dad was taking you out to open fields or empty tracks to drift, and when you reached 15, you started competing in lower levels. It was difficult managing a full-time career on top of finishing school, but it would be worth it in the end.

Somedays you wish you had told your school friends about your passion for drifting, but then you remember how critical people are of different interests. It was better to keep it on the down-low until you got better at least.

Well, to say you were getting better would be an understatement. You started competing in Formula Drift earlier this year, and you were dominating. You just found out that if you secured the championship, you would be offered a seat in DM.

Since there was a race for you this weekend, you decided to bite the bullet and invite a couple of your closest friends. They were racing in Formula 2 or Formula 3, and you knew they did not have a race that weekend. Surely, they were free.

You sent a quick text to the group chat that included Dino, Ollie, Jak, and your best friend, Paul. Maybe you wished Paul was more, but right now, your focus was on your career, especially since you just graduated and were moving up in the world. That was something you could pursue another day.

They all accepted immediately, intrigued at the prospect. They did not really attend a race where placement did not matter, so they were interested to learn about it. Also, they did not think it was something you were interested in. You were just so quiet. They did not expect you to be interested in their type of racing, let alone a more dangerous branch of it.

The day of the event came, and you were feeling more confident than ever. You had done a few practice runs with your dad again, and he was confident you would get that DM seat. Your friends arrived at your room early that morning since you all agreed to carpool together.

You all loaded in the car. You drove. It was after much debate from the guys, saying they were the racing drivers, but you rebuttled with how Ollie could not pass his driver’s license test. Plus, it was your car that your dad drove over for you. You did not plan on letting any of them take your car.

Paul sat in the front, Jak and Ollie took the window seats, and Dino sat in the middle despite him saying he was too tall for it. Granted, he was the shortest of the three, so his argument was invalid.

You let Dino have control over the music, so he would shut up. Thankfully, he did have good taste in music. You made it to the track in no time, and you drove around to the back where drivers and the teams would park. The boys looked at you funny as you showed the garage passes to security, but no one asked anything until you parked.

“You never told us,” Paul started as he climbed out of the car and followed you toward the boot. You were grabbing out a bag that had some of your essentials like team merch, hat, and snacks. All of your racing gear was already with the team. Paul closed the boot for you after you grabbed the bag out. “Where are we sitting?”

“You guys are sitting in the garage,” You answered as you locked the car after Ollie, Dino, and Jak clambered out of the car just in time to hear your answer. They all gaped at you before Dino made a connection.

“Wait, where will you be?’

“In the car,” You said simply as you handed them the badges and walked down toward the entrance. They all stood in shock for a minute before running to catch up. You led them around before parting off to your garage. Ollie, Dino, and Jak decided they wanted to explore a bit more, but Paul said he wanted to stick with you. Plus, he really wanted to look at your car.

Call him a nerd, but all cars are interesting to him.

You did just that. It did not take him long to realize that you were the “amazing”, “talented”, and “once-in-a-generation” driver that everyone talked about. You used an alias while driving, so he never made the connection before. You showed him your car, let him sit in it, and showed him your special helmet. Since this event was so special, you did a specialty helmet based on your dad’s helmet. If you could secure your DM seat with your dad’s helmet, it would have come full circle since he was the one to help you get there.

“Wow, this is incredible! I never knew you did this,” Paul said in awe as you explained a few more things in your driver's room while getting ready to get in the car. “It suits you though.”

“Thanks, Paul,” You laughed at that. “No one ever asks what I do outside of school, so I never said anything.”

“Well, now I’m gonna make it my mission to learn everything about you,” Paul said in a soft tone as he wrapped his arms around your waist to pull you into his body. He used one of his hands to do up the zipper and velcro of your race suit before resting his hand against the side of your neck, “If you’ll let me, that is?”

“I’d always let you in, Paul,” You whispered back as you slowly leaned in to press your lips against his. It did not last long as one of your managers knocked on the door, telling you it was time to get in the car. Reluctantly, you pulled away from him as you pulled your balaclava on and grabbed your helmet. “That’s my cue. Time to drift to survive. You better be watching from the garage. I need all of the energy I can get.”

“I manifesting that win for you,” Paul laughed as he followed you out to the car. As soon as you were situated in your seat, he leaned in one last time to give you a last piece of motivation, “You’ve got all of us behind you, just breathe, and you’ll do great as always. I’ll be waiting for you at the finish line to take you out for victory drinks.”

~~~~~

46 notes · View notes

soullessjack · 2 days

Note

🔥 jack

oh my godddd I have so many unpopular opinions where do I even start….HOLY DISCLAIMER BATMAN!

anyways so in no particular order or tier system:

✯ i don’t think jack would wear anything feminine im sorry spn fandom. for lolz he has same-outfit-pattern-everyday autism and for serious it’s like. Really weird how fandoms tend to HC/portray non-binary amabs (and men/transmascs in general) almost exclusively as GNC or fem-presenting…like DGMW that is a real and valid form of self expression but it’s not the Only type of non-binary expression that exists. and honestly…**dare I say that most fandom/queer spaces just need to realize that queer masculinity exists and it doesn’t always have to be a matter of breaking gender norms??

** genuinely do whatever u want idc I can’t stop you i don’t want to stop you yada yada. paint his nails and put him in a skirt all u want but Please recognize patterns yall 😭

✯ more headcanon complaints (see disclaimer above ⇧) but I promise to switch it up soon. anyways every time somebody on this lil website says something along the lines of “Jack can’t handle/doesn’t like [insert violence, scary or adult-oriented thing], he prefers [soft or blatantly childlike things]” I shrivel inward like a dead spider. It’s annoying, it’s completely inaccurate to his canon personality and interests, it’s annoying ˣ2, and whether ppl wanna admit it or not—it stems from infantilization. not necessarily ableism, as infantilization is not exclusive to disabled people, but still just about the same thing.

honestly all I see of majority jack headcanons are ones that set him back to just being a child or otherwise being treated like one. for example, the one about him being able to shapeshift is pretty cool...until it just becomes about him deciding to age regress, yknow, to an age set he canonically chose not to go through, showed no desire to be in, and is more offended than anything to be considered as such. all of his interests have to be some shit like bluey or animal crossing, and he drinks apple juice from a sippy cup instead of beer. BARF.

I’ve lessened on my keyboard warring over babyjack in the past year but I have not lessened in being a hater. and I’ve said this before, but the baby-jack au already breached headcanon containment a long time ago when it’s not only so widespread that ppl take it for canon and it makes having any intelligent conversation about him nearly fucking Impossible, but it also lead to harassment and accusations of being a fucking predator, to anyone who dared find a whole grown man attractive. any potential jack ship, like jackharper? automatic grooming case to them. it’s like the fandom is just so dead set on this idea that jack really truly is a child in every aspect you can think of, and for what? if it’s just a headcanon, something you know is not part of the actual show, then don’t go Travis the Chimp levels of apeshit when you see him being treated like he is canonically 💀

unpopular opinion numero 3 which is slightly connected to 2:

✯ baby-jack and a handful of the domestic au’s are BORING (see disclaimer again ⇧), not just on a surface level to my suiting, but also because I feel like it just ..misses the point of the show?

the ragtag untraditional found family is now as nuclear and traditional as the Atomic Age. Dean and Cas are the most heteronormative “who wears the pants in the relationship” gay couple ever, Sam is demoted to the uncle that gets written out of his own family, Jack is just there to make his gay dads look cute and emphasize that they’re a gay family (while still being very heteronormative), and at least 5 of them could be found in a California gated community. everything that made any of them unique or defined their personalities is just scrubbed off, even for an AU.

so much of the later seasons focus on Sam and Dean realizing that they don’t have to make a hard splitting decision between the lives they want to live; that they can find a balance; be happy and have good things—namely families—without giving up hunting (and vice versa, that they can have hunting without giving up on family or happiness). everybody loves the gay hunters from S10(?12?) and what they represented for Dean, but I almost never see that be put into practice in the fandom.

THEY’RE ALREADY DOMESTIC!!! AND WITH THAT PERFECT BALANCE!!!! Season 13 quite literally gave Team Free Will a surrogate son to raise and established them as a family; highly untraditional, largely dysfunctional, overall not fitting of a family family, and yet they are a family still. Dean wears an apron and cooks and bakes for everyone; he built himself a man cave and established two separate family night events that they all ritually keep up; Sam has a morning jogging routine and visits his girlfriend every so often; Jack was taught how to drive, has normal chores like washing dishes, and gets groceries. And they didn’t just have that while fighting monsters—they had that while fighting a whole fucking archangel. Even if it did go down the gutter by the end, they still had it: domestic familial bliss and violent messy hunting without having to trade one for the other.

✯ I truly genuinely think Jack’s relationship with Dean is the best, most interesting and most misunderstood out of the three, and I also think that the problems with his relationship to Cas and Sam are hugely overlooked by the fandom—granted they are very small, especially if you’re comparing it to Dean, but they’re still there and I think we should bully Cas and Sam about it more. I shan’t elaborate because it’s 5AM and this was an impulsive add-on ❤️

✯ getting normal now…his plaid pattern jacket from the first half of Ouroboros is ugly as SHIT i have never liked it and don’t think I ever will. but I cannot deny it; he got that shit on.

✯ most unpopular opinion of all, I wanna do insane shit to his cervix 🙌

22 notes · View notes

dont-offend-the-bees · 2 months

Text

We need better fucking care infrastructure. I should not be trusted with anyone's care ever 💛

#thing is caring for myself? I'm not GREAT at it but i can scrape by #i know my limits i know how much or little i need to survive i know that i can usually more or less bounce back after a tough time #i think if my life fell out from under me i could probably scrape it back even if i wound up doing a lot of couch surfing in the meantime #i genuinely don't know how I'll survive if i have to be fucking sole carer for someone #dad's on his way back now and he's been prescribed antibiotics and hopefully that's that #but at least a couple of times a year there's some shit like this #an awful cough or an infection or a fucking insane choice to like do some diy on the outside of the house standing on the windowsill #he fucking nearly chokes on his food once or twice a week #maybe he's just one of those cockroach type motherfuckers who'll never die no matter how the universe steps on him #but I'm fucking PISSED that he's taking that for granted and won't even sit and fucking talk to me about what happens when his luck runs out #I've been looking after mum alone for what four hours today and I'm already so tired and frustrated i wanna die #i am. a deeply impatient and unsociable creature.#i can be infinitely patient with friends! those are my fave people i chose to have them in my life I'd wait like a fucking mountain for them #mum and i were.... already sort of At Odds before all this started.#i'm the kid she never 100% really wanted and who never really 100% wanted to be here #and now we're stuck together and one day possibly sooner than any of us want it will be. just the two of us.#and i just. i don't know what that looks like. i really don't.#anyway. mental breakdown over hopefullly.#with a bit of luck dad and i actually fucking TALK before the next one #idk man. i never really knew what i wanted to do with my life but i thought I'd have time to figure it out #but maybe I'm just. the unqualified burnout with covid memory damage and a whole ass other human to care for #the exact thing i set out to avoid when i decided never to have kids #anyway. enough oversharing.#thank you anyone who's read my spiralling tag rambles in solidarity i love you #mr. bees speaks

5 notes · View notes

camgoloud · 17 days

Text

you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons

#‘out of nowhere’ she says like she hasn’t been doing a lot of reading/thinking recently about various tragic messy breakups #and the later regrets of the parties involved #anyway. tell me not to text her #it’s been over two years since the last time we talked… absolutely no reason to break that streak now. lord give me strength #she was really fucking mean to me! like objectively intentionally unwarrantedly cruel! it ruined an entire year of my life #and fundamentally changed me as a person on a deep level! there’s a lot of things i used to like about myself that i don’t think i’m ever #going to get back #and yet every once in a while we have to do the whole ‘maybe i could make things right’ song and dance 😔#the thing is most of the time i’m not even really angry with her anymore like enough time has passed since all the shit went down that #really i just sort of look at her behavior and feel sad. both because of the impact on me but also because of the ‘that’s really how you #felt you needed to act towards someone who cared about you? you couldn’t have just expressed your feelings in an honest and productive way #instead of just lashing out in the cruelest possible way and ruining the entire relationship beyond hope of repair?’#and i feel bad and sorry that it went that way and honestly i kind of pity her and hope she’s gotten some of her shit worked out #so i’m not like. actively pissed off at her anymore. but also i can’t think about her without thinking about the worst year of my life so 🙃#i don’t actually feel that trying to reopen that door would be very healthy for me at least #we did try a Reconciliation of sorts a couple of months after the initial falling-out and while it was kind of helpful for me in that she #like. apologized lmao. and affirmed that i wasn’t crazy and she did in fact On Purpose say the most hurtful things she possibly could have #said to me given the information she had at her disposal. and that i really had not done anything to her that could warrant that. etc.#it also left a sour enough taste in my mouth that i just don’t see a future where the two of us spending time together is enjoyable for me #and yet… the regret will always live inside me i think. maybe if i were a stronger person…#caseyposting

12 notes · View notes

running-in-the-dark · 4 months

Text

every time I'm like 'I'll stay away from tumblr for a while' (for my mental health and all that), I end up being on here more than ever before. 🙃

#but like I don't know how to leave #like I just thought that my feet are cold. and instantly I think hmm no it'd be weird to post that on tumblr right 🤔#but I considered it! for a second!#I just have this unstoppable need to share every damn thought that goes through my head (oh god imagine if I meant that literally. no don't #actually. I would die. and so would everyone who read most of that. god. what a horrible thing to think about 🤮)#but damn dude here I can just write that shit and no one is forced to react to it! the alternative is that I say all of it to my one #friend who isn't weirded out by the amount of messages I can send. and by the things I say. but they're not always around and also I don't #want them to get sick of me. they've only known me for a couple years. there's still time for them to realise how fucking annoying I am #so. gotta post at least some of it on here. the alternative is. idk. running into the woods and screaming.#personal

3 notes · View notes

sapsolais · 6 months

Text

-

#oh google. how do i fight the Melancholic Aches #y'know i'd nearly forgotten it was fall #until i got sick. n it was actually cold for about two or three days in a row sdkfjghfdg #n i dunno #something something your body remembers things before you do #n it feels. like if emotions were waves and i were standing at the shore. the waves were calm up till now n #now it feels like i was pulled in out of nowhere and my lungs are full of saltwater and it's sloshing around my heart and weighing it down #it's always this time of year #is that like a universal thing? or is it just coincidence #it's like this every year. (i mourn the previous) and just generally get caught up missing things #and then you couple that with all the other given circumstances and how *lonely* it's been lately. i mean how Really. lonely it's been #because like. the years up til now (i thought) were manageable. like 2020-2022 #(even though shit kind of hit the fan anyways. dfkjhfdgh. it's at least a little easier with people you love around. and it's at least a li #easier when you think they'll stay)#n now i'm just a lil lost and scared. and tired and i ache. and i am just a little sad #...#i try to make the best of things nowadays but it's just a bit much today n that's okay. there's always tomorrow #m'gonna go make some tea #sap says #i've been thinking of making a separate blog for poems and thoughts but quite frankly i can't be bothered rn. skdjfhgf #maybe sometime though

2 notes · View notes

hella1975 · 1 year

Note

hella I keep getting edits with some sort of original version of waiting room?? on my fyp and I'm gonna be honest waiting room wasn't a song that did me in quite as badly as the rest of you but this version I keep hearing literally rips my heart straight open😭😭 like I've been planning on fixing the no waiting room on spotify issue by taking it into my own hands🏴‍☠️ but now I know it's gonna have to be this version I'm not even bothering with lost ark waiting room. it's just gonna be waiting room og bc what the fuck?? "I never grew up with you, and you're not my waiting room" what the fuck??? with the haunting background noises literally WHAT THE FUCK????????

OMG IVE SEEN THAT ONE everyone keeps going on about the vocals of 'and you're not my waiting room' but i really cant get over 'i never grew up with you' like what??? WHAT??????

#for some reason i rlly connected this song to a childhood friend of mine that im pretty sure ive at least vaguely mentioned on here before #but basically we were INSEPERABLE for years of my childhood and he was about 2 years older than me #so i think i was 5 and he was 7 when we met and we stayed friends until i went up to secondary school so SIX YEARS #and we literally spent all day together we'd play in the gardens and run about the place and we were both really outdoorsy #and obvs it was before proper tech really started coming in so it was when kids literally just got shoved outside for the day #and left to their own devices and it was GREAT like i remember him and that time so fondly #but he was also really messed up like he'd come from a lot of foster homes and he'd had every kind of abuse #and he'd finally been adopted by the couple on my street who just couldn't handle him bc their answer to his issues #was to spoil him and give him what he wanted so he just got worse bc he had a real violent streak in him #and obvs if you let that grow in a boy they're not gonna wake up one day and it'll be gone like. it's going to get malicious #and low and behold he started getting like actually dangerous like he choked his sister once and he got kicked out of school #bc he threated to BEHEAD A GIRL WITH AN AXE like really fucked up shit #but i was in a pick me moment bc he was always really nice and respectful to me until he wasnt #and even then ive never ever blamed him for it bc we were both young and he was so traumatised #and sooner or later we stopped hanging out and my mum was relieved bc that's how bad he was getting #and ive literally never spoken to him again. but he's just one of those people i think about all the time????#like idk if it's bc of what went down or bc of the age i was but he was a HUGE deal to me and my development #and for some evil fucking reason i think of him when i listen to waiting room especially the 'i know it's for the better'#bc i KNOW it's for the better i got away from him before he got really bad but still i so desperately wish i couldve helped him yk?#especially now i understand what abuse actually means and what he'd suffered which i had no idea about at the time #SO TO ADD 'I NEVER GREW UP WITH YOU' WHEN I FEEL LIKE I ABANDONED HIM AS CHILDREN?? STOPPPP #PHOEBE PLEASEEEE #anyway unnecessary rant over rori pls pirate this song for the masses pls pls the world needs you #ask

13 notes · View notes

dreamlogic · 1 year

Text

...

#shit chat #medical cw #meatsuit renno #finally worked up the guts to message the surgeon who did my hysterectomy like #hey i know it's normal to experience pain and stiffness for a while after this surgery like at least a couple months #but uuh. it's been 8 months and i still wake up feeling like shit most days?#pretty sure regular shooting pains where my right ovary used to be aren't normal almost a year after surgery?#like i could be wrong but i feel like i probably shouldn't need 1200mg of painkillers a day to manage constant throbbing abdominal aches #after i've hit the 'maximum recovery window' for this surgery uuh [checks calendar] ...nearly three times?#at least the fatigue has finally started to go away. i feel my vitality returning slowly but steadily #but i'm still not back to my pre-op activity or mobility levels cause OOF OUCH MY ABSOLUTE PELVIS #and i've been noticing an abnormal amount of abdominal bloating that doesn't seem to correlate with indigestion or other factors #and isn't fat from weight gain like i initially thought it was #idk maybe i'm paranoid but i read an article a while ago abt someone who had a 15lb cyst in that nobody noticed for over a year #bc they were AFAB & our pain is chronically underreported and not taken seriously when it is #like did y'all leave some forceps in my gut and now i'm growing a mass around it?? wtf????#idk if i hope it's nothing so i don't have to deal with more medical bullshit or if i hope it's something to legitimize my experience #godddd it would be so satisfying if i got to tell my boss's boss who's been hounding me relentlessly about proformance and Managing Burnout #HEY JACKASS TURNS OUT I'M A VICTIM OF BOTCHED SURGERY AND YOU'RE A DICK FOR NOT GIVING ME ACCOMMODATIONS

10 notes · View notes

non-un-topo · 9 months

Text

At the crossroads between wondering if it's worth it to basically completely rewrite all my WIPs or just take a break from writing for the rest of the summer

#i noticed every summer i get progressively worse lol #like not in terms of writing but in terms of everything else goin on in my head #i mean if anyone is craving some dark and depressing shit i've got bits and pieces here #it's like i'm writing for an audience even in my own mind. can't finish anything because it's __ __ __ etc and my niche is too niche.#did my last fic really burn me out that much?? i mean it was basically 30 thousand words and there was a LOT packed into it #maybe i should finally respond to comments and i'll feel better.#something's been going on with me for the past couple months (maybe longer) and i'm just annoyed ALL the time #feel like i want to give up everything and stop talking to everyone. ((it could be my out of whack hormones mind))#so if i haven't been as active and haven't drawn or written much that's why. i'm pulling away and curling in like an atrophied limb.#my brain is just permanently in school mode. i can feel it gearing up for the oncoming year that's going to be super intense.#like would it even matter if i post any more work before september? idk why i can never seem to chill or take a break for even a minute.#i still have drawing projects i want to finish at least! taking me literally all summer because of surprise health problems.#partner was consoling me about how i feel for writing '''weird''' stuff with almost no focus on romance #saying that SOMEbody has to write what i write so that should keep me going. i just tell myself that it could be worse -#- i could be primarily a femslash writer. they are the real heroes and they get no respect.#idk why i'm getting so angsty #i think i might be romance/sex repulsed atm. not in real life at all but in fandom. i'm bored of it. and i'm bored of conversations about i #i'm sure i'll change my mind in what two weeks or so.#maybe i'll try to write something original #i have things in my ask box i should respond to. like asks about my writing. i just haven't been feeling well #so i haven't had the right brain to respond :( but i see the asks and i'm grateful <3 #anyway peace and love

6 notes · View notes

she-toadmask · 1 year

Text

People who delete old videos/set them to private because 'I'm not that person anymore uwu' (not for queer reasons) go fuck yourselves

#vent #untagged #delete later #i felt this way when s*ky was saying they would delete everything (at least it was getting moved and then undone)#i kind of feel this way about un nus an nus but not as much because i wasnt there and everyone was already archiving that #i specify not for queer reasons because this is just someone shifting from musical theater content to original music #queer stuff is still sad but that's like a real reason if it's for identity/privacy shit go ham #i have been anti-deleting internet content since before i really understood the size of the internet #the sadness and despair of trying to find something and not being able to find it and realizing it's gone is fucking pain #all of my old wattpad shit is up there and the stuff on my youtube that doesnt have my face is still up there #i unlisted some stuff that had my face some years ago because i decided to not have my face online #anyway the person that privated their stuff. i hope she forgets to tune her string instrument properly next time she flies 🩷#there's not even an animatic for it a couple of her mashups someone did lil animatic/storyboarde for so they're still out there #at one point i had thoughts about one. i wish i had downloaded the video to try.

4 notes · View notes

storm-of-feathers · 1 year

Text

playing with god by pouring out nyquil and whatever comes out is what i take

#im combining it with a couple other things #which you generally shouldn't do but god if i die i die #and its mucinex which. holy shit idk what they put in that stuff #but for a good and calm 20 minutes earlier i was fine #anyways #ill be sleeping soon probably or at least trying to #but in the meantime im trying to figure out my blanket arrangement here #my fever capped out around 102 but its come back down #but im like swinging wildly between reliving the time i was on a fire and reliving the time i fell through ice #and i HATE IT #god i hate being sick sm the last three years have spoiled me tbh #bc of masks and vaccines and not going outside and the like #i almost never get sick anymore #but i was recently in a crowded boy scouts hall (with a mask dwdw) for my dad #and man. something got me #and ofc combine that with only having slept ab 5% of this weekend lmao #anyways pray for me im so tired and sick :(#they call me mr blue the way im sore and sick and sad for some reason

4 notes · View notes

jonny-b-meowborn · 1 year

Text

me when I'm normal <- experiences an hour long on-and-off sleep paralysis

#couple days ago i took a long nap and it happened #wild shit #i mean. ive been experiencing sleep paralysis for at least five years now so im used to it #for like half of those years it wasnt even. anegative experience #cause ive had it so much it just stopped bothering me at some point #its just a bit annoying #ive learned how to break from it and i can feel when its gonna happen and prevent it #but also i can induce it or keep it going for shits and giggles #yknow to see what my brain comes up with #but this time it was kinda bad #like. i have a cold and a stuffy nose. was taking a nap and woke up from it but was still very sleepy so decided to keep sleeping #and i knew that if i go to sleep now i will experience sleep paralysis #but because of my stuffy nose and my brain still being foggy i felt like if i get this paralysis now i wont wake up #like. it will also paralyse my breathing #but i was still too sleepy to fully wake up and prevent it #so i just tried to lie in a position where my nose and mouth arent blocked by anything and i can breathe comfortably #and then i just. had weird dreams #cant even remember them but i kept switching back to semiconsciousness still paralysed #and usually when i get those they last at most ten minutes #but when i fully woke up after that and looked at the time almost an entire hour had passed #wild #bee buzz

2 notes · View notes

ghostparadoxa · 2 years

Text

hey! i haven’t used this blog in forever again - im way more active at @devilsflowermantis if you want to check that blog out

#i came back here because i was not ok #this blog reminds me of bad shit #it seems i only use it when my bpd symptoms are at their worst #i was psychotic and hallucinating last time i used it #obsessive #having multiple meltdowns daily #i was suddenly thrown into a debilitating chronic illness after being unlucky enough to get covid in march 2020 #nearly fainting many times a day and seizures and confusion and bedridden #the meds im taking help it at least #i also lost many friends #one who abandoned everyone because after a decade long friendship with me decided they hate lgbt people #i fucked some stuff up too.#i did start going outside more and have a tan for the first time in my life! lol #and i started on T which has helped me tremendously #didn’t know just how bad my dysphoria was until i started it - it was literally physically painful.#i’ve learned a lot these past couple years and i’m liking the person i’m becoming #like truly.#shits been hard but im doing what i ca n #i just needed to vent in the tags lol

11 notes · View notes

wrappedupinlight · 2 years

Text

@vandbaerer asked: “ i’ll be coming for you, anyway . ” ( from chrissy to eddie / maybe about the band? about a dnd session? something else entirely? up to you! B) ) // ” ❥ 𝟖𝟎𝐬 𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐒 [ 𝚂𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙴𝙽𝙲𝙴 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙴𝚁𝚂 ] still accepting!

There’s a part of him that knows he could be cocky about this. Every fiber in him tempted to twist the words and make a joke for her out of it like it’s more than it is: but instead he’s left with this... oddly sanguine strum and thrum in his chest. Flutters in his stomach that he hasn’t gotten since, well, forever ago. (Not unlike the ones he had at that talent show with his crew, under searing lights... where the only thing that seemed to tether him in the now was a memory of a girl that shattered his nerves beforehand, all with soft-spoken complements and a toothy smile.)

. . . Maybe she’s not just pulling the other one. Maybe there’s a (slim) chance that she genuinely wants to show up. Probably just for old times sake, his brain supplies useless, like the jerk that it is.

“Wait. So... huh. So you’re not just messin’ with me. You really wanna kick it with the freaks,” it’s not so much a question as much as he’s reinstating the truth to himself and allowing it to echo in the space between. (his heart picks back up in his chest, loud and consistent like an encore he didn’t ask for.)

Worried that he’s been quiet too long, (laid it on too thick) he clears his throat and continues, “The invitation’s still yours, of course! No take backs-- It’s just,” He runs his nails over his shoulder, feeling strangely reticent even when he knows it’s her he’s talking to.

“I’m saying it’s not too late to back out... if you decide you change your mind. Turn the other cheek. I wouldn’t blame you, really.” and he means that honestly. Not as some ploy to make her feel bad, never; more that he feels it’s just him being realistic. (Even when the idea of her not showing up causes an anxiety in him so strong that he’s not sure how to handle it. A fear of rejection he expects by now. Hell, screw knowing. By now he should know that it’s an inevitability. Anyone else would tell him that Chrissy Cunningham would rather be caught dead slumming it with someone like him.) She’s surprised him before though, right? Why should this be any different.

#vandbaerer #;eddie munson #( ok first off.... sorry for how long this got but here?? bunch of meta-y eddie for YOU friendo~)#( *sniffles* im a normal amount of fucked up over this i swear )#( no one touch me im feelin shit )#( he's a little weak in the knees your honor!!!)#( like honestly i have a TON of different thoughts about how their infamous 'hang out' went??#all varying from like #they only glanced at eachother a time or two over the years like ships in the night #or that they did actually meet up during a couple rehearsals for the talent show #which im sure both migthve been true in some way??#least in my memory of the one time i signed up for a talent show as a kid lol )#(ANYWAYS RAMBLING ASIDEEEEEEEEEE <333)

3 notes · View notes