#but i’m so tired of distracting myself

[x-itzzzzzz-x]

i am so truly sick of life i hate feeling this way i just want to be normal i just want to be happy

i can’t take this anymore

#i miss weed #idk how to cope #i want to die #but i’m so tired of distracting myself #nothing works #i feel like i’m losing it #autism #lonelly #social anxiety #tw vent #tw sui ideation

[mochiwrites]

blegh

#delete later #this is me just yelling into the void for a moment #but god I think I need to look into doing smth about my meds #:))) been on a steady mental health decline since at LEAST august #and it’s only gotten worse since the new year started cries #I’m trying to do homework and I can’t even focus on it #struggling so bad #but I don’t. trust anyone to actually talk and I’ve been pulling closer to myself #so I just bury myself in school and writing and distractions (there aren’t many) #I don’t know I think I’m tired #really tired of how things have been #how alone I feel #life has genuinely felt exhausting lately #all of my relationships feel so superficial with the exception of like. a small few #I want deeper connections but lately I feel like I’m just not built for friendship #it really feels like I’m just not supposed to have friends because I’m not a good one or I’m not a good person and I just Exist #in loneliness #and that hurts SO bad #can it please get better already #please #between online and irl I am at my limit T-T #ANYWAYS. back to being productive and doing stuff

[channelworldbluez]

How can you see someone clearly asking for help and ignore them?

#me #txt #bitter #anyways whatever I’m gonna go watch Spiderman 2 it’s my comfort movie #maybe I can distract myself #I tried playing basketball earlier to let out some energy but I just feel so tired and numb #first rule of the internet: no one gives to fucks about you lol I forgot

[aceofstars16]

I’m not even sure how to phrase stuff, but mentally, spirituality, and emotionally (and physically if you count cold sores and being tired) I’m just…not doing great. I don’t really want to get out of bed in the morning, things I know I should be excited for, it’s hard to feel happy about. I’m just tired of being pushed down again and again, and I don’t have the care or energy to fight.

It started with church stuff, and that is the main reason I’m not really doing great again, but it was getting hard to motivate myself even before then, and now it just feels all pointless and I’m tired.

I don’t even know what to ask for prayer for because I feel so empty, but yeah, prayers appreciated I guess 🫠

#prayer request #I’m so tired of this #like two years of trying to work through stuff then what? four months (if even that) of doing slightly better #and then it all just breaks again #and I don’t feel like I have the faith to care or trust or believe anymore and I’m so tired of feeling like this #but I don’t have the strength to fight #I’m gonna sleep now but I’m just…really broken and empty and I don’t know what to do anymore #and it’s frustrating cause it’s little but the chosen sometimes did remind me of things and encourage me #but now it’s just like ‘oh more of the same kind of storytelling that I’m tired of’ #like the things that made it comforting and a breath of fresh air were flushed down the drain in s4 ep 3 #and sometimes I do okay if I’m drawing to just…distract myself but honestly that didn’t even help today

[ghoulfr13nd]

immmm really. not great rn

#im so tired #i dont know who to talk to #i tried distracting myself but it’s not really working #everything feels so dull #i hate my job. i’m tired. i want to go home #i’m at home. but. idk #it doesn’t feel like enough #idk what to do #i really seriously thought about just straight up quitting today #i just. feel so empty. and drained #i’m either stressed or i’m angry #but rn i just feel. like. white noise ig? #and i have been trying very hard to grasp onto anything #but nothing is really. doing it for me #haha anyway how is everyone else

[officialbabayaga]

cramps so bad that i’m literally just laying here groaning in pain

#i’m so tired but i’m watching d20 instead to try to distract myself bc there’s no way i could fall asleep in this much pain #waiting for the painkillers to kick in i waited too long in between doses :( #zoe stuff

[babyfairy]

my blog currently just alternating between bg3 posting and being openly Sue Of Side All is a little funny truthfully

#really wanna *** today btw it’s all i can think about. LOL #i feel like i’m putting on a performance interacting with anyone around me #and it’s so draining. i’m so tired of pretending and keeping up appearances when i don’t want to be here anymore. i can’t imagine doing this #shit for decades longer #like i just can’t do it LMAO #anyway. living for bg3 currently and after that’s done i’ll find some other bullishly thing to keep my mind busy #that’s all i can ever do anymore 👍🏼 just distract myself and wait for it all to finally be over #*bullshit

[heartbreakfeelsogood]

i’ll be going through the motions and then boom

anxiety.

#op #my tummy hurts :( #i’m not anxious about anything in particular i’ve just been having a lot of anxious thoughts all day #and i’ve tried to distract myself and was partially successful but i don’t feel good rn #i keep having thoughts like what if i or someone i care about dies #and ​i just got hit with the ‘everyone thinks i’m annoying’ stick #i also keep thinking i don’t do enough for other people and it makes me feel worthless #i feel so tired. it’s like 8:30pm

[mars-ipan]

ohh i have good friends

#marzi speaks #was gonna go get dinner with my brother and a friend tonight #they weren’t able to respond for a few hours so i assumed plans fell through and went forward with that mindset #then they and my brother were able to decide on smth last minute #i am. low spoons socially rn #and i was struggling to decide whether i should go or not #friend gets here. they talk with me about it #i’m getting frustrated bc i can’t form the words i wanna form #i want to spend time with them but i have all this shit to do and god i’m tired but i want to hang out with my friends #i cry a bit. they hug me and encourage me #eventually i (through a tight throat) go ‘i think i need to sit this one out’ bc i’m at a point of distress where it just won’t be fun #and they hug me again go ‘no worries there’s always next time’ and head out with my brother #that’s a good fucking friend. they wanted to spend time with me and when i recognized a limit i had reached they respected it #anyways. i need to cry a bit. give myself a distraction. maybe a meal of some kind #and then i can get back to work. but they were really sweet and i wanna make sure i internalize that i’m cared about

[devoutjunk]

I can’t tell why I’m freaking out but I can’t stop. The reaction feels totally disproportionate/disconnected to what triggered it which like, duh, that’s anxiety, I guess but in some ways it’s a little easier when there’s something specific I’m anxious about even if it still feels awful. I hate this nebulous, ambient sense of SOMETHING WRONG with nothing to tie it to, no way to talk myself down from the ledge or reason myself out of it

#personal #tbd #I want to sleep bc I’m tired and I don’t want to waste tomorrow sleeping in #but I’m scared to sleep bc when I stop doing things to distract myself I start crying again and now it feels “too late to sleep bc #I’ll be tired anyway and oversleep so my stupid brain things I should just stay awake so I don’t oversleep #but then I’ll crash tomorrow afternoon and feel guilty

[x-itzzzzzz-x]

i keep trying to give myself reasons to keep going but i just can’t take it

nothing changes and nothing makes me happy

i’m so tired i just want everything to stop

i just want to be normal and be happy but i’m not , no matter how hard i try i’m still just me at the end of the day and nothings going to change who i am and where i’m gonna inevitably end up

#no new things #or plans #are gonna change how i feel #just distractions #and temporary fixers #but i’m so tired of distracting myself #of having to constantly put in more effort just to function #i’m exhausted #i need something more then this #im just rotting #i’m never going to get better #it only gets worse #from here on out #so i should just kms #i’m tired #autism #lonelly #social anxiety #bpd #tw vent #tw sui ideation #tw sui vent

[deathxproof-archive]

I just need you guys to hear about my past 36 hours:

— my partner got a concussion at like 11 PM at night

— I officially stepped down as a manager at work for my mental health the next morning

— I got a call at work that day because my partner got fired without any notice, real explanation, or warning (VIA A FUCKING EMAIL)(they still haven’t heard a fucking word from their ex-bosses)

— I end the day telling my boss I’d like to stay as a manager if possible

— We go through everything the next day after unemployment and realize we have a serious case for wrongful termination

— I get hit with a big fucking unexpected bill which isn’t make or break but I am still fucking pissed about that too

— Another employee quits my partner’s ex-store and we’re all officially good friends and not just good-friends-plus-coworkers

— We realize that there is some FUCKSHIT going on with this company

— I set up a legal consultation for. So many things.

— Today we realize that a lot of the town is already lowkey aware of the fuckshit and we’re not crazy

— Also job hunting is a thing for everyone in our apartment now

— And now we suppose it can only go up from here

#I’ll be around more the next few days UNLESS SOMETHING HAPPENS though because GOD I need to distract myself #its been. god it’s been a long fucking week. #I’m so tired. I’m fucking exhausted and can’t turn my brain off at all the past few days. #Like. We’ve just discovered some gross and unsettling shit alongside the terrible business practices. Feels bad man. #AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH #ooc

[un-pearable]

anyone got exec dysfunction hacks this assignment is stupid long and my usual strats have run out

#usually i can vibe with gum/crackers/smthn + very specifically one of three OSTs i can completely zone out to and get my shit done #OR deadline anxiety is good enough. but i’ve already blown past this deadline AND used up all of my listening things to the point of #annoyance and i can’t listen to my new music (w vocals) playlist bc it’ll distract me #so i’m just sitting here like an idiot doing anything but the writing #hell. i’m very good at writing essays i have a formula a strategy i may do them last second but i get them DONE and i get good grades #this stupid shit????? this field notes narrative-prose-as-much-detail-as-possible is KILLING ME bc there’s no solid way to track my progress #and the end feels a thousand years away AND i have write about my own personal experiences with activates the MEGAanxiety and i’m #i’m a week late now. hell. the teacher even emailed to ask me #i’m so fucjin tired and not even for a reason. i knew this class would suck #to be delete but fr any advice #it’s not that writing is hard. it’s that i’m overwhelmed and can’t even get myself to start and stick with it for long er than a damn minute

[eorzeanflowers]

apologies for the lack of original content. it’s been a rough few weeks since my boss is laid up with shoulder surgery recovery and I’m doing the job of two people on my own

#the rare leigh #I’m so tired #its not that hard of work either tbh #I’m just not used to it by myself #bg3 is also being a really healthy distraction #tldr; work sucks solo and the Leigh is le tired

[shirkers2018dirsanditan]

in reality and from experience i know that getting invited to go drinking or dancing or partying would not be more enjoyable for me because ultimately i am trapped in this reality that i’m too much of a loser to be invited out and then on the very rare occasion i do (usually a birthday or milestone celebration in a group) i don’t have any fun because i am. still a loser on the outs (recently a friend told me she forgot i was even at a mutual friend of ours’ grad dinner/drinks and we ubered there and back together…we met at her house before…) and also eyem ugly so now i avoid even these rare occurrences because i know how they go but also going out is how you meet people especially romantically speaking but AGAIN there is no reason for me to be upset about that because that kind of thing does not happen for me platonically and DAMN SURE not romantically because again EYEM ugly but also there is some sort of deep repulsiveness within me that seemingly everyone including family can pick up on. so at the end of the day i guess it all cancels out. so WHY am i still sad about it then!

#nothing sucks more than being told about these things without an invite or shut down when you try and suggest something #i remember one time my friend was talking about a day party and how she wanted to go but she had ‘no one to go with’ and she never asked me #LMFAOOOO #on the occasions when i’m not literally just hanging out with myself i may be #being told about fun events by people who do not even think about me like that #slay #when my friend was planning a fun outing to distract herself from this big thing that’s happening but when she suggested a date that would #be when i was in nyc for my sisters graduation she was like #oh so then we can just go to the park or something #🙄 #not to be a bitch but im tired of it like no i dont want to go to the park or to get lunch or whatever bullshit just to be used as a #soundboard #im tired of being so inconsequential!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #but beggars can’t be choosers fr #so i’m just sucking it up

[milo-is-rambling]

I am so high I love you dabs I love you big bong rips I love you huge heavy bong I love you only having 20 dollars to my name and no plans but getting high and ignoring it I love you oh no I’m thinking about it

#I want to take an ice cold shower and scream and smoke a whole pack of cigarettes and lock myself in a closet for 72 hours in the dark with #no distractions to figure out what I actually want to do with the rest of my life and to face every bad thought I have and struggle to #ignore even years later like ugh I just need to be at the bottom of the ocean floating sinking alive dead in between for like a month and #then pull me back up and either I’ll be normal or I’ll be so fucked up they just put me back in there #like either way I am vibing at the bottom of the ocean (I have been desperately imaging a sensory deprivation tank all day) #(put me in a fucking sensory deprivation tank until something in my fucking brain rewires and I get worse or better than I am now this #inbetween stage is fucking killing me like what do you mean I’m not a horrible person but also what do you mean I struggle every day but I’m #normal but I have things about me other people don’t and alienate me to the point of near total isolation but also this is just how humans #are and I need to take meds and actively struggle to fit into a perfect little box of what a person should be like god damn I am so tired of #getting better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and I’m miserable and I’m happy and I’m sobbing and #I know a month from now I’ll be depressed again or I’ll be the best I’ve ever been and it’s so fucking horrible to be in the middle stage #where I actually have to step up and admit shit is wrong and face it like why can’t I just lay in bed forever until I become the bed and not #like get a job and have a future. ugh. depression is so fucked esp bc most things in my life are normal I guess or like easier than my #friends like we all have seperate challenges but I’m the only one still living off their parents (ha. parent. forgot for a second.) and the #only thing wrong with my life is the mental health issues but I won’t step up and deal with it bc I feel like I’ve been depressed for so #long I like fucked up the foundational shit and like I know it’s fine but also I feel so behind and I feel like I’ll be behind and unhappy #forever even when im happy I know the next depressive episode is right around the corner and I give up again. ugh. I hate knowing that’s #what’s wrong with me but still not having the energy to step up and fix it. im so pathetic I want to cry. my brain is me but my brain is #destroying my life. anyways. im high and now im sad and have dry mouth. I think im gonna drink ice water and change into shorts+lay in bed)