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sly-merlin · 3 years

Text

KILLING ME- 14

pairing : law student!reader + yuta

genre : (fluff) angst , mafia au/ arranged marriage au.

warnings of this chapter : cursing, mention of drugs, character death.

words : ~4k

summary :

“life’s never fair y/n. realise it as soon as you can . it is the only secret for living a regretless life.”

“ curiousity got the cat hitched”

K.M masterlist

K.M 13

TAGLIST : @kpop-choco @moon-yuta @kawaiiayasan @btm-taeyong @exfolitae @lanadreamie @cheersskznct @hyuckiesgf @theworld-accordingtocasey @simplybree

@yiyi4657 @sorrywonwoo @sillywinnergladiator @minejungwoo @leesalts @mal-nakamoto23 @ro2424 @itlittlefangirl @nctzens-world @bl–ankhaeji @jeaneteflo @nuoyii @bralessmermaid @minhoseyeliner @tyongpoetry @swimmingkpopblog @jkjkseo @orphicmoon @floralescapes

A/N : this chapter marks the celebration of this blog surpassing 600 followers! thank you so much for all the support! also for minor readers, the sfw versions of nsfw chapters are given at the end of the masterlist so check those properly before reading.

•••••••••••••

y/n! Are you sleeping?”

Registering his words, you replied in a groggy voice,“What the fuck do you want?”

“Your phone. I left mine in the medical room. I need to call Mark right now.” with some authority, he spoke.

Whining loudly, you fell back on the bed. It was only due but flailing your arms and legs like a kid in a toy store, you let out a screech full of annoyance, cursing your fate.

Were you really going to babysit him now?

"Have you suddenly lost your hearing? Stop with this sick attitude and open the door."

A puff of air left your nose, your chest moved rhythmically with your stomach and you relaxed your arms beneath your head, eyes fixed at the fan above and ears ringing with his voice. He kept calling you and after a number of shouts, you started humming to distract yourself, afraid that you'd end up helping him otherwise. That was something, naturally, you were not interested in. Last time he had ignored your voice and now nature had presented you with an opportunity to return the favour. Just with a bit less flavour.

"Are you dead?"

"Hmmm. To you, yes I am." Mumbling, you yawned and pushed yourself up to reach your side table and fishing out your earphones from the bottom drawer, you untangled them and fixed them comfortably in your ear, hiding yourself underneath the sheets.

Sonata no.14 instantly transported you away from the noise and the stress that was your unwanted husband, yuta. The smile playing on your lips widened as you realised that you were his only mode of communication at the moment.

But You were going for a nap. Until then, he could wait. And thrash. And cry. Or die.

Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, you rotated the handle of the door to walk outside but your little trip was interrupted when your body collided straight into a wall. No. The obstruction was too soft for a wall.

Opening your eyes properly, you saw yuta standing stiff. Surprised at the sudden appearance, you immediately stumbled back and in hurry, hit your spine on the wooden door. The glare of his eyes, that always spoke more than you could comprehend, coupled with a clenched jaw, was not a very pleasant sight for sure yet you found it harder to dart your own eyes away from him.

"Your phone" he seethed, breathing deeply.

"Huh?" You croaked out.

He raised his brow and in an instant, the previous scenario played like a short movie in your head. Snapping your head down, you regarded his leg with pity. He obviously noticed it immediately but seemed to ignore it and refrained from saying anything. Good for you, you thought.

"Are you deaf?"

Your furrowed brows met his eyes and with a roll of his own, he picked up his finger to force his demand but you managed to walk back inside your room before he could've done that.

Your back faced him as you contemplated your options while slowly stretching your arm to reach for your phone on the other side of the bed.

should you even be giving him your phone?

You had more trust in Taeyong than the man you shared a roof with so there was no way you were doing that.

Unbeknownst to you, yuta was watching your movements intently and the way you bobbed your head, he knew you were scheming something so he decided to be polite for a moment. Only until you were needed. Or your phone was needed.

Once the phone was in your hand, another thought crossed your mind.

"Wait. Where is the house phone?" Crossing your arms, you asked him slyly, already knowing the answer

"You fucking never got it installed. It's still in its stupid package" he seemed rather impatient.

"And you could've called reception through the door telecom. He would have phoned Mark for you. These rich apartments certainly have more hospitality tha-

"I CAN'T GO AROUND DISTRIBUTING AN UNDERGROUND CRIMINAL'S CONTACT NUMBER TO EVERYONE"

He inhaled and exhaled and you just watched until he opened his eyes again, hand reaching out to you.

"Chill. I've every right to be sceptic especially when you are the one asking for it."

Finding Mark's number on your phone, you called him.

Yuta's hand threaded through his rough hair as he noticed what you were trying to do.

"Hey mark!" Your chirpy voice resounded in the room and yuta was sure this was some different spirit speaking. You sounded too bubbly for the way you were investigating him just a second ago.

"Yes yes. His phone exactly.i don't trust him enough to hand over my phone so that's why I'm calling you myself. Just hurry up if you can or you might have to clean up a dead body in the next few hours."

With that you cut the phone. Without meeting yuta's gaze and resting your hand on the handle, you mumbled,

"He'll be here in an hour."

You were about to close the door when he stopped it with the palm of his hand, alerting you with the force.

"Tell him to get some food too."

And limping, he retired back, to the couches.

Sighing, you messaged mark. Had it been for something else, you'd have ignored but your own stomach had signalled you that it needed some good food so you chose not to fight against your own body.

Now, only the taste of the food could decide how many days you were going to tolerate that barbaric human.

"Are you still going to that stupid internship?" Johnny hesitantly murmured from your desk chair while taking big bites from the plate.

"It's not stupid please! I’m just waiting for them to actually pay attention to my awesome capabilities so they can transfer me to the main branch. This is not bad either but”, you stopped to lick your forefinger and tasting the sauce, continued, “but I really wanna go into the criminal unit. That’s where the actual fun is. As long as i’m being paid decently, i’ll suffer with the stupid research work here.”

“With the tongue as sharp as yours, I think you should be getting ready for a demotion instead” he laughed, showing you his fake bunny teeth in the most annoying and childish way.

“Ha ha ha ha. Some well wisher you are! Thank you so much for looking out for me but I'll be fine. Who knows the gatekeeper’s pay package is more than me. So it’d be a win-win in that case too I guess?” when you did a drum roll with your chopsticks to stress upon your point, he laughed harder.

"So being broke is the new black?" Rolling his eyes, he dragged out, "I swear you kids don't know how this world works."

"And you, grandpa of the century, knows?"

"I'm aware of what I need for my survival and from what I've learnt, you can either take risks or look for job security. In your case, " he fake coughed, "where the proportions of risk taking have already exceeded the acceptable limit, a job security is the best and safest option to choose."

"And that would justify my greed and desire to work for the biggest company of this city."

"Kun. The security you need and the independence you seek would be given by kun. Chois are hmm how to say? Cheap? Yeh cheap. They have no work ethics. "

"Have you worked with them, johnny?"

"No. I'm ju-

"Then was your ex a choi?" You saw his eyes comically and cutely widening at your remark.

"No. My ex wasn't a choi and that's not what I'm saying and you know that."

"Oh. So your ex wasn't a choi. Then a lee? Kim? Im? Oh my god! Look at your cheeks seo!" You dragged out. He shook his head as you kept wiggling your brows at him.

"She was a kim but that doesn't mean I would hate all kims dude. That's baseless and stop ignoring the topic. I want you to apply in Kuns. It's the best option. Do it as soon as you-

"Yeah yeah we'll see about that. First take that bitch back. I can't even nap in his presence. "

"Umm. Yeah. You gotta tolerate him. And besides he's injured. Injured yuta is like a gun without a bullet. He's gonna shout for a day or two and then peace out. He'll be sleeping and reading in his room and you won't even know if he's alive or not."

"Now that's bullshit. What is he going to do here anyway? I hope he can hop himself on one leg because even if the sun rises from the north, I am not going to do a single task for him. He can die hungry , for all I care.”

“Do you think you can endure him for some tasty dinners?”

Clicking your tongue, you quipped, “Do you really think you can buy me with a few homemade meals?”

Day 1

Yes. you were sold. The moment the tasty noodles had melted in your mouth, you knew you had no dignity. And you were indeed ashamed of yourself.

Earlier, Renjun had called you to inform you that he had delivered the food and medicines for yuta and had left your dinner box but he had failed to mention the special and endearing note that was pasted on the glass box. In the curvy letters, it read bitchy piglet and you swore the only person you’d be killing before yuta would be jaehyun. But you were going to use jaehyun to build up your tolerance instead.

When you went out to clean your dishes, he was playing some game on his phone, excitement evident from the way he was laughing every other second. Maybe if he remained occupied, he would not be so insufferable.

Day 3

"Oyii! Oyii!"

No. You were wrong. He was very very much insufferable.

At midnight, his voice echoed, disturbing your sleep. You cursed at the cool atmosphere that had prevented you from using the air con which otherwise would have blocked his annoying screeches. But it seemed like bad luck wanted to change its name to y/n instead. With your name being called like a broken record, it was a fight between you and him that you were not going to lose. Shuffling to your side, you covered your ears with the other pillow and tried to drown out the annoyingly demanding and hoarse voice. There was no way you were giving him the satisfaction of having any power over you. He could cry for all he liked!

“What the fuck do you want at this hour?”

Attempting a glare at him through sleepy lids, you spewed with irritation. Unlike you, he was very much awake, breathing with the sole purpose of making you question your whole existence.

“Pillow” scratching his non-existent beard, he mumbled.

Your nostrils flared and jaw clenched at such inconvenient command.

“You summoned me for a pillow? A pillow that can normally be found on a person’s bed? Can you please rectify your demand or did I just simply hear something wrong?”

The opened curtains and the moonlight that drenched the room was the only source that illuminated his face for you and even with drooping eyes, you could see how serious he was and yet you couldn't hold your tongue back because he simply deserved every shit you bestowed him with.

“Turn the lights on and count the pillows on my bed! And when you are done, get me some pillows from your room.” he simply stated.

“Why should i give you my pillow? I need them!”

“Because I don't use a pillow and I need it asap!”

“Then why do you suddenly need one? To disturb my sleep? Oh that makes sense.” and suddenly, your eyes had synced with your body to side with your fight mode.

“I need them for elevating my leg. The bandage is too tight and it’s not comfortable.”

“Then why don't you walk out of the room and get some cushions for yourself!” you raised your volume.

“Because my leg is in pain and i’m unable to get up? What makes you think I'm dying to see your ugly face at this time of the night. I dont wanna have nightmares of you as well but i can't help it ok!”

“you should have kept them near you. And who are you calling ugly hmm? You poop fac-

“Okay scream for all you want! But get me a pillow when your battery dies down!”

“What the fuck d- are you covering your ears? Wow ways to be generous!”

Stomping your foot, you left the room to get the hardest cushion on the couch.

“Here! Next time call Mark if you want anything. Don’t raise your voice ever again to call me because unlike you, i have work in the morning and hence I need some sleep..”

Just when you were about to leave after shoving the cushion in his hand, he spoke up again,

“This is damn hard! I asked for your pillow specifically and not th- AHH!”

A scream left him as you harshly removed the support , leaving his leg to painfully meet the mattress.

“How about you fix your attitude before fixing your leg?” suggesting, you dropped the cushion on the floor and left.

He didn't call you after that. Nor that you cared. However, the sleep in your eyes somehow vanished. Dancing on your sides didn’t help. Neither did drinking a glass of water. So, with a groan, you listened to your conscience and picked up your extra pillow that was sadly too perfect for your enemy.

Padding to his room, you tried your best to scrutinise and hearing his heavy snores, you placed the pillow right under his thigh and the cushion under his calf. Scoffing at his sleeping figure, you internally groaned to remind yourself that you hadn't done it for him. It was just a debt. For the blanket he had once covered you with. Nothing more and nothing less.

Day 5

You just wanted him out of your hair. He was just being a load on your head. At first, only the work was kicking your ass, then jungwoo was kicking you like a punching bag for an hour straight and adding to your distress was yuta.

"I'm not your maid! Stop piling up the dishes for me. I've had enough mercy on you. From today onwards, get a cleaner for yourself or buy disposable cutlery. I'm not going to clean after you!"

With a roll of his eyes, he had ignored you.

And so did you. Pasting a warning note on the sink tap, you had left for the library with a dying hope that maybe the kitchen would be spotless on your arrival or you'd be dialing some numbers in the evening.

For someone who despised the solemn atmosphere of libraries, you had successfully spent 11 hours in the said hellish room. It was 11 p.m and you wanted to sleep, more than anything but here you were, waiting for yugyeom so he'd just pick you up for a good drinking session that you were dying to have.

Fortunately, you weren't the only one who had missed living these past days. Everyone, for different reasons, was suffering so you felt a little less bad for yourself even though you knew your troubles were far more grave than their academic burdens.

"Wake up shorts" someone whispered in your ear. Squirming on your seat, you whipped your head in your sleepy state and found jungkook caressing your head, goofily smiling at you.

"I thought you wanted to hang out till the next morning" air quoting the last words, he picked up your bag.

"Yeah. Let's go. I'm all ready for a night full of vodkas." You yawned out.

"Definitely. No. You are going home. We can have a small get together me and yuggy are done with our final project." He dragged you out into the parking lot.

" I feel like it's been years since we got drunk together. You are never here anymore!" You whined at him, complaining your heart out.

"I will be. Soon. Then we can celebrate your little choi job as well."

"Oh please. Don't even mention it. If I had penny for every time they rolled their eyes at me, I'd be richer than your parents kook." You huffed out and as his gentle laugh surrounded you, you closed your eyes resting your back against the seat, expecting to be up by the time he'd park.

But the next day, you woke up tangled in the sheets of your bed, unaware of the events of the previous night.

When you had warned yuta about the dirty dishes, you hadn't expected him to fill the corners of the kitchen with disposable containers. It looked like you had missed a whole drama while sleeping in the library. The kitchen was shining except for the new utensils. But as long as you were not babysitting him, you were fine with anything. You didn't want to jinx your relief, however, you were glad you would be able to get some work done. finally.

You had spoken too early for your own good. Just when you sat down to write your paper, passionate and enthusiastic howls of that man pierced through your earphones and once again, you opened the window and hopped outside, in the balcony, ready to drown him out. Sipping on your lemonade, you gaped at the scenery the not so distant traffic provided you with and somehow, your thoughts wandered to the only person these horns reminded you of. Johnny.

What are you doing? Your fingers hovered over the text but once again, you deleted the message, declaring it to be too childish for someone as mature as him. Maybe you were just being silly. Maybe you were not. But who was going to put a stamp on your maybe?

Tears pricked your eyes as the harsh words of your senior thundered in the room. He kept shouting and you had no option than to consume each and every word he directed at you. Even if you were being insulted in front of your twenty other co-workers, staying quiet was the best option, you ascertained. so along with your saliva, you gulped your explanations down your throat.

Howsoever unconscious, you were still in the wrong. There was no excuse as to why you had mailed the wrong bills, apart from the headache that was caused by the person possibly lying on the sofa and watching t.v back home. No matter how much you tried to run away from his existence, he had somehow managed to let himself inside your head.

Glaring at the kid who asked for his turn on the park swing, you pushed yourself a little higher, letting the wind greet your stinging eyes as it hit your face in waves. Your phone buzzed in your pocket and you chose to ignore jungwoo for a day as it was the time, you decided, to let all the lessons that the past few months had taught you sink into your mind, to bleed into your soul so you won’t ever be able to deviate from them. Ever.

Only if that was so easy. You knew blaming others for your problems was no solution but trivialising them by not paying heed wasn't a smart move either.

When you reached home, your frustrations had died down. So when yuta simpered and pointed towards your empty container, telling you how he had already finished your supposed dinner, you simply rolled your eyes at him, robbing him of whatever he wanted to achieve by riling you up. Heating up the water, you were about to open the noodles packet when yeong called you.

You stared at the shattered phone screen in disbelief as the endless tears ran down your cheeks. As you verbalised the words to yourself again, your body met the floor with a thud.

Jungkook. Drugs. No more.

Three words had silenced the screeches in your head and your mind busied itself in rejecting what you had heard for it had to be a lie. But what how were you going to ignore the heart wrenching screams that yeong had let out. How were you going to dismiss the truth.

How were you all going to accept it?

••••••••••••••••

next update: Some day between 5-7 June.

#nct-writers #neowritingsnet #cznnet #kafenetwork #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct fluff #nct x reader #nct smut #nct angst #nct mafia #nct reactions #yuta scenarios #yuta imagines #yuta smut #nct arrange marriage #yuta angst #yuta mafia #johnny scenarios

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cowboy-like-mee · 4 years

Text

a soulmate who wasn’t meant to be

summary: y/n deals with the aftermath of harry leaving her

warnings: angst af!!!! possible ED tw

word count: 2k

a/n: i was really sad so i started writing this to try to relieve some of the emotions built up in my body :))))))

this is based off the song “a soulmate who wasn’t meant to be” by jess benko. lyrics are spread throughout this in bold and italics so hopefully it isn’t too confusing!!

masterlist

Nothing hurts more than pretending like everything’s okay, when you’re falling apart on the inside. When you want nothing more than to be with your love. Hold him in your arms and give him little kisses whenever you want. Dance around the kitchen and sing songs from your youth.

Harry. Beautiful Harry. Your boy.

He’s not yours anymore. You have to remind yourself.

You’re miserable without him, but he’s better without you. The pain of being with you was much greater than the thought of leaving you.

So he left.

You’ll never forgive yourself.

Everyday seems to get worse. The days blend together.

You fall asleep, not sleeping well. You wake up, regretfully, tired from another restless night. The day drags on, never seeming to end. You walk around like a zombie. Daydreaming about going home to the love of your life, instead going home to an empty apartment and an empty fridge.

You can’t bring yourself to eat. You can’t bring yourself to even try to watch TV. You go straight to bed and stare at the ceiling till you eventually fall asleep. And then it repeats. And repeats. Again and again and again.

You can’t even remember what day it is. You don’t know if you’re supposed to go to work or if you’re off. You wake up anyway. Anything to distract yourself from the never ending cycle of numbness and loneliness. Self loathing and empty stomachs. The nagging feeling in the back of your mind telling you things could have been different.

Maybe if you had done things a little different. Maybe if you had smiled a little more. Laughed at a few more of his jokes or hugged him a little bit tighter. Maybe if you had started accepting his offer to go on walks with him. Or watched a few more movies with him.

If you could go back you would never say no to anything he requested.

You would gladly sit through any of the god awful romantic comedies he’s obsessed with. Or drink the terrible black coffee he has every morning.

But no. Things change and people change. You drifted apart. You’ll never have him again. The giggles and late night love making. Him singing you to sleep or washing each other’s hair in the shower.

Sobs wrack your body for the first time in months. You hadn’t cried like this since the day he left. The memories seep back into your conscious, haunting you.

His bright green eyes flash behind your eyelids. His voice is ringing through your ears. You can feel his lips on your neck and his hands wrapped around your body.

You stand up, shaking your head and pulling at the roots of your hair. Trying to rip the memories straight out of your brain. You’ve never felt this kind of pain. Pure anguish. The reality finally setting in that he’s gone.

He had finally had enough of you. What he once loved and adored, he loathed.

He was far too gone once you realized. You were far too selfish to realize the man you love was slowly falling out of love with you.

“Y/N?” He had called your name gently.

“Hm?” You hummed, not looking up from your phone where you had been texting your friend for the last half an hour.

He took a deep breath, trying not to snap. “Can we talk?”

This got your attention. You looked up, brows furrowed, and set your phone down on the couch. “What?”

“I-I...I think we should take a break.

Your heart dropped to your stomach.

“Wh-what?” You whispered, feeling tear prick your eyes.

“I...want to take a break from each other.”

You stared at the man sitting in front of you. You noticed how different he looked from the man you fell in love with. He looked sad. He looked exhausted. You didn’t know at the time it was because of you. You thought maybe he was having a rough time with himself. But now it’s crystal clear.

You changed. You weren’t the same woman he fell in love with. You two barely went on dates. You hadn’t had sex in months. You two hadn’t even been going to bed together. You would always go to bed first. He would sit in the living room, crying over his broken relationship. He would eventually crawl into bed, laying as far from you as possible. You hadn’t even noticed, being too caught up in your own life, not noticing your boyfriend slowly crumbling apart in front of your eyes.

So you agreed. You agreed to take a break from each other for two months. You wouldn’t date anybody or sleep with anyone, but you two had to stay apart from each other. It was easier for him than he hoped. He felt like he had freedom. He felt like he could breathe finally, not suffocating in his own home.

You had a different experience. You never realized how much you relied on him. The dishes piled up and your laundry was never washed. The fridge never got full of groceries at the beginning of the week. You had no one to cook you dinner or ask how you looked in a certain outfit. You missed him.

The two months was almost over and you had already planned out everything you were going to say. Your apology and your speech on how much you appreciated and loved him. You knew you fucked up and you knew you had to own up to your mistakes. Your negligence to him.

And then you got the call.

Stranger, that's all I see

The piercing sound of your phone ringing cut through the silence of the apartment. You jumped in your spot on the couch, where you were folding your clothes.

When I look into your eyes

Harry’s contact flashed across the screen. You didn't know if you should feel relieved or terrified. Did he finally have enough of this break and was ready to come running into your open arms?

You hesitantly slid across the bottom of the screen to answer.

“Harry?”

He cleared his throat. “Hey, Y/N.”

“Hey, I’ve missed you so much, Harry.”

He winced at the sentence, his eyes already beginning to water and his throat feeling tight. “Listen, Y/N. I have something to tell you.”

A soulmate who wasn't meant to be

Your heart stops beating at the tone of his voice. “Okay...”

You heard his breathing over the line for a few heartbeats before he finally spit it out, “I’m moving back home.”

Your heart leaped put of your chest. “Harry! I’m so happy. I can’t wait to see you. I’ve reorganized a lot of our place. I’ve had a lot of free time-”

“No, Y/N. I’m moving back to England.” He cut you off.

Your mouth hung open. A lump immediately formed in your throat. You attempted to swallow it down. “Oh.” You let out shakily, trying to hide the sound of the trembling in your voice.

“Yeah.”

You both sat in silence for a minute, not knowing what to say.

“So, when are you coming back?”

He tried to refrain from rolling his eyes. You were always so stubborn, and that was one of the things he used to love about you.

He sighed loudly, “I’m not coming back.”

“Are-are you breaking up with me, H?”

He squeezed his eye shut and shook his head. No matter how bad you are for him, he still loved you, and it still fucking hurts to do this.

“Yes, Y/N. I’m breaking up with you.” He said as steadily as he could manage.

Stranger, who knows all my secrets

You covered your mouth with your hand to stifle the cries leaving your body. “I can’t believe you’re breaking up with me over the phone!” You yelled into the phone, unable to control your emotions any longer.

“We haven’t seen each other in months, Y/N! You should’ve known this was gonna happen eventually!”

“I thought this break was supposed to make us come out stronger, not tear us apart!”

“We’ve been torn apart for a lot longer than you think.”

You didn’t know how to reply. He was right. You just never realized it. He had been feeling this way for a long time. This was inevitable.

“I’m so sorry, Harry. This is all my fault. I love you so much. You’re the only thing that holds me together. I know I fucked up and I ruined our relationship and everything good we had. Please, please, please, don’t do this. I'll do anything for another chance. We can take it slow. Anything. I can’t lose you, baby. You’re the love of my life. My light.”

He shakes his head and blinks away the tear threatening to spill over. “Y/N, no. I can’t keep doing this. We haven't been good for a long time. I‘m broken. I can’t keep going in circles. I need time for myself. We’ll find other people. I love you and I’ll always love you, but I can’t be with you anymore.”

You cried harder at his words. Nothing hurts more than knowing he’s leaving because you hurt him so bad. He still loves you.

The thought of Harry loving anyone else fucking hurts. The thought of him kissing another person and giving them the secret touches you used to share. You’re breathing is shallow and quick, sobs wracking your body.

“H, please. I-I can’t-”

“Goodbye, Y/N. Maybe one day in the future we can talk again, but I have to go. You’ll be okay.” He hung up.

Can pull me apart and break my heart

You immediately tried to call him back, ready to plead with him to try again with you.

The call didn’t go through. He blocked your number. You threw your phone across the room, hearing the glass shatter as it hit the wall then the ground. You dropped to the ground, loud cried of misery leaving your body.

It went on like this for days, weeks. You eventually had nothing left to cry. Your mind going numb. Everything reminded you of him. His smell lingering in your once shared apartment. The stuff he ever bothered picking up still sitting around your apartment. Even looking at yourself in the mirror reminds you of him. The way he would compliment very feature on your face, making you develop the confidence he had instilled in you.

All of that leads to now.

The empty apartment and the grumbling stomach. You can’t remember the last time you had a proper meal. Nothing wanting to stay down.

So there you sit. In your empty home. Surrounded by long lost memories of the love you once shared with Harry. Your heart shattered into a million pieces. Feeling uncapable of ever loving again. Thinking of your lost love, thousands of miles away. Missing a piece of your soul, never to be replaced again.

But you’ll be okay. He said you would be.

A soulmate who wasn't meant to be

pt 2

#harry styles blurb #harry styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles fic rec #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles angst

445 notes · View notes

chusui00 · 3 years

Text

Not Meant To Be

Word Count: 2,107

Pairing(s): Anthony Bridgerton x reader, Simon Basset x reader

Summary: The Bridgerton family and the Duke have been invited to a picnic that was planned by yours truly. Tensions begin to grow, and things don’t go quite as you hoped they would.

TW: none

Part 2/6

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

Today’s weather of sunshine and blue skies called for a picnic. I gave clear instructions to Cook that he should prepare a delicious meal and treats, including Simon’s favorite of gooseberry pie. I would never forget something so important about him because it always came in handy.

I then go to find our butler, Charles, and say, “Please send invitations to the Bridgertons and the Duke of Hastings, Charles. There will be a picnic at the park, and do tell them that it will be late at 1pm.” He bows in response, and repeated my words before he left to complete his tasks.

With a nod of satisfaction, I left the main floor then up the stairwell to change my attire. What I was currently wearing fell short of today’s planned event, and I needed to win Simon back. Once inside my bedroom, I closed the door and quickly strode to the wardrobe to see my options.

My thoughts roamed to the man who promised that we would spend the rest of our lives together, which made my blood boil with rage. Men these days were either too dense or too arrogant or had little backbone. Simon was a mixture of having a huge ego and vulnerable when he opens up to the people that know his true personality.

None of this was my fault whatsoever. I left for only a mere three months to study abroad in France, then I return to the ‘wonderful’ news of his engagement to a girl named Daphne Bridgerton. A trip to London hadn’t been something I expected for myself, but I came to the city for him and no other reason.

In truth, Simon technically was still my fiancé, although I knew there was an explanation for everything that took place while I was absent. As a matter of fact, he brushed off the situation like it was a speck of dust that ruined his perfect image to the desperate mamas and equally egotistical lords.

“Good heavens, I’m going to get wrinkles if I keep thinking about the “what-ifs” and not do anything to change them.” I huff in exasperation at my own foolishness, a bit disappointed in myself for having such thoughts when the damage had yet to be done.

After endless decision-making, I chose to wear a yellow dress with a simple pink floral design from the sleeves to the hem of its skirt, and I twirl in front of the mirror with a bright smile. It wasn’t a ball gown, but this would surely make Simon realize that he wants me more than anyone in all of Grovensor Square. It just had to.

I had to admit, the dress itself was too revealing for a lady of my status. Well, at least it would be just myself, Simon, and the Bridgertons alone for a picnic. A reminder to cover my legs repeated itself over and over in my mind, yet I had a feeling that I would catch the attention of everyone’s eyes anyway.

The clock rang the second its big small hand reached 12pm, which meant there was an hour left for preparations and riding to the park. “Marianne! Please call for the carriage, and tell chef to hurry!” I shouted into the air, and I heard Marianne reply from down the hall. Perhaps I was rushing for punctuality-sake, but a host or hostess must never arrive later than their guests.

It was a good thing that mama had long left for tea at Lady Farland’s estate, and papa was probably gambling at the gentlemen’s club again. I certainly wouldn’t be surprised if he came home with news that he either won lost of money or lost a majority of what he gambled. No one could tell me that the picnic was meant to open Simon’s eyes and see just me in them rather than that so-called “flawless” Bridgerton girl.

Nonetheless, I had to get going before they gossiped of my tardiness if I wasn’t already at the location. Time seemed to blur from when I scurried down the stairs to gather everything I needed to when I got into the carriage and made it safely to the park. The next thing I knew, I was trying my best not to laugh at a discreetly explicit joke Benedict had shared amongst ourselves.

Anthony looked like he was going to strangle his brother or maybe he was going to give him a pat on the shoulder? I couldn’t tell because I was too preoccupied with devouring my favorite sandwich while I brushed my shoulder against Simon’s. Of course this got his attention, and he whispered into my ear, “Now is not the time nor place to play, y/n. Behave yourself.”

His warning provoked something inside of me, but there were too many people who would witness the indecency behind my innocent act. “My apologies, your Grace. I’ll be a good girl for you.” I whispered in reply, then continued to enjoy my delicious sandwich as though I did nothing wrong in the first place.

I knew what I was doing to him, and he liked it. He knew what would happen if I went further, and I was fanning the flames with fervor. “Is Daphne aware of our relationship? Sorry, I meant, what it was supposed to become? You know, such as getting married? Living together and in the country?”

Simon’s jaw clenched just like when he used to have me underneath him, calling his name and coming undone by his touch as I squeezed tighter around him. Those nights were by far the best I had ever experienced, and he treated me with such tenderness after we were spent.

“Don’t you remember the great times we had, love? Everything fell apart when I came to London and found you dancing with the red-headed girl in the moonlight.” I scowled under my breath, then I slowly calmed myself down before I could ruin this lovely picnic with a beautiful family and my old lover.

I needed a moment alone, so I stood up and sheepishly excused myself from the blanket before walking away. It was almost as though the night I found myself standing at the lake was repeating itself again, but this time, I knew where I was going and no tears would shed. No, this time was different than last. Instead of crying because I couldn’t control some situations, I chose to think about I would take back Simon for myself.

Seeing Simon chuckle and comment on every little thing Daphne said created small cracks on my heart. I couldn’t think of when he used to do that with me, and I close my eyes to forget all of the recently bad memories. Heavy footsteps approached from behind, but I was too distracted by the wrong Simon had done to me.

“Y/n, are you alright? You left so suddenly, and everyone is worried about you.” Anthony softly called out to me, his hand resting on my shoulder to turn me around and see the miserable state I was in. “I’ll be better, my lord. There’s no need to waste your worry on me.” I mustered a fake smile to dissipate his concern for me, but apparently he had dealt with heartbroken maidens before.

The Viscount gently pulled me into his arms, and rocked our bodies back and forth. I was speechless for I had no idea what he was doing, and yet I didn’t want him to stop. It felt pleasant to be comforted by a warm embrace that held a promise of always being there when it was most needed in times of anguish.

“You are a strong woman, y/n. You don’t need to act as though nothing can break through your walls. You’re still human, and that’s okay. Believe me, I know what it’s like to feel helpless.” He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, and smiled when I pulled away to stare at him with wide eyes. I always knew what kind of man he was, but the side of him that I admired truly was a rare sight to behold.

What felt like an eternity of comfortable silence was interrupted by Eloise who came searching for her brother and I after he had been gone for too long. “Mama won’t stop spouting nonsense that you’ve gotten lost, brother. We had to stop her from creating a search party.” She snickered at the fresh memory, and it stopped when she realized that Anthony was hugging me unusually close to his chest.

I caught on and quickly pushed myself away, then I fixed my dress before thanking her. “Thank you for taking the responsibility, Eloise. You’ve found us alright, and I believe we best return to your family.” Anthony cleared his throat, a big embarrassed that the particular sister of his had seen something she would never let go.

“Yes, Miss Denbow is right. Let’s return before mother actually gathers a search party for three people.” He leads the way, and I smile awkwardly at Eloise as I walk past her. I then let out a breath I didn’t know I had been holding in since she found Anthony and I, but I hoped that she wouldn’t mention it when we got back to the picnic.

Once there, Lady Bridgerton literally shed tears of joy as soon as she saw my face and brought me into a hug. What was with the Bridgertons and hugging? I could see Simon lean over to Anthony, his mouth forming the words, “Thank you for bringing her back safely.” Anthony nodded in reply, then sat down in between Colin and Benedict before he grabbed his glass of wine to take quite a long sip.

Well, it was back to where I started. I didn’t want to ask questions and make matters worse, but I knew that the current engagement wasn’t going to last for long. According to Lady Whistledown, Queen Charlotte was not convinced of the proclaimed love that everyone said Simon and Daphne shared.

I had to say it. Otherwise, I would lose the love of my life to a woman who gained Her Majesty’s favor, and I would be lonely until the day I die. “The Duke and I were once lovers, but now he’s going to marry Miss Bridgerton.” Complete and utter silence. I take in a deep breath before I continue.

“I had traveled to France for three months, and the Duke asked me to come see him here, in London. I truly thought that he was going to marry me, but I was proven wrong and a fool. He’s pretending as though we didn’t have a beautiful relationship before he chose to help her and she him.”

Lady Bridgerton was the first to break, and she began to stumble over her words while overcoming the insurmountable shock that I gave to everyone. Eloise tried what she could to stop herself from laughing, Benedict smacked her arm while he was struggling to do the same.

Colin couldn’t find the right words, and Anthony spat out his wine. Except for the two youngest children who were playing in a flower field, we adults all sat together with no help to describe what our mixed emotions were. “What is the matter with you, y/n? Did you even think this through before you babbled on about the past? If I had known that you were so childish, I would’ve left you a long time ago.”

Simon glared cold daggers in my direction, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The man who I loved was now a stranger with a much better woman than I, so there was nothing I could do now to take him back. “You’re right, Simon. I’m such a child, and I don’t know any better than to tell the truth when living a lie is all the more tempting.”

I gave my deepest apologies to Lady Bridgerton, promising her that I would make up for my demeanor with tea and a visit to the spa one day. I then said my farewells to the Bridgertons, but I didn’t spare the slightest of glances to Simon who looked like he was going to let out a fury of anger.

It served him right for playing with my heart, and if he was so play a part not meant for him that would end in heartbreak, then so be it. I knew someone who could help me make him regret losing me, and they were a professional when it came to such lengths.

Just you wait, Simon Basset. Just you wait.

#bridgerton #simon basset #bridgerton imagine #duke of hastings #reader x simon basset

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harrypotterbrainworms · 4 years

Text

Valentine’s Doom

Summary: A very oblivious young boy has caught the loving eyes of Remus Lupin, but how can one express his feelings if every time (Y/N) opens his mouth, Remus melts like a box of chocolates in the sun.

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Male Reader

Key: (Y/N)- your name, (H/C)- hair colour, (N/N)- nickname

Words: 2587

A/N: I spent way to long on this, almost a week ;-;. I hope you enjoy it!

“Remussss, please. Pretty please with a cherry on top. I promise I’ll make it up to you” (Y/N) pleaded Remus to let him copy his homework. He had completely forgotten to do his own which was mostly Sirius’s fault, keeping him up all night.

“You do realise you have to do your homework in order to graduate, right? It’s a basic skill to have.” He cocked his eyebrow, looking up at the pleading boy in front of him.

“I know, I know, Blah blah, if you don’t learn you’ll never survive in the “real” world. I know the spiel.” He rambled on, motioning a small Remus puppet with his hand mocking the tone of his friend’s warnings.

He had spent the whole night playing tag with Sirius and racing around the courtyard like the drunk children they were. Remus knew this of course, waking up every so often to look down at them being idiots from the tower.

“And yet you still go on late night joy rides with Sirius” He sighed and closed the book he was reading as he watched his friends stuff their faces with toast and eggs.

“Please, Moony.” He begged once more, pulling the sweet and innocent face he knew Remus couldn’t say no to, even adding a slight quivering lip for dramatic affect.

The shorter boy pressed his fingers against his temples trying his best to distract himself from the sweet face of his friend, but gave in.

“Fine, last time I swear to Merlin.” He repeated the same line he always said when (Y/N) or any of his friends asked. He always managed to give in too soon to the pleads.

“Thank you!” (L/N) chirped up giving Remus the warmest smile he could, taking the few pages Remus handed him then took his seat again.

“Y-You’re welcome.” He stuttered out, blushing a bit. James wiggling his eyebrows at Remus, receiving a death glare in return.

“Padfoot, get your ass here! We have t-minus 20 minutes to copy it all” He pulled Sirius’s arm to climb over the table and sit next to him. Both of them pulled out paper to start.

“Wait you didn’t-“ The flustered boy said, not being able to finish his retort before he was interrupted again.

“Thank you again, Moony. We appreciate this so much” Remus could barely get any words out after that, only being about to nod his head in response. (Y/N) did look like he appreciated his friend’s effort to help him stay in school.

James gave him a knowing smile before continuing to devour his breakfast plate while Remus just sighed looking at the two boys copying his homework.

“You lads are gonna be the death of me.” He finally said, opening up his book again and continuing to eat his own meal.

Remus always thought he fanced boys a lot more than girls, but he knew for sure when he set his eyes on (Y/N) for the first time. They were never that close, not that he had tried to get closer. The taller boy just seemed to take a liking to Sirius more than anyone else in the group, always fooling around and getting into trouble more so than himself and James.

He spent many nights awake with James, while the other two snuck out, talking about (Y/N) and how much he liked everything about him.

The day passed by quickly as they always did, pranks and studying. Waiting for the next moon adventure.

Remus sat in the dull light of the common room that evening, relaxing to the sound of the fireplace when (Y/N) burst through the door as chaotic as ever. Collapsing on the sofa next to him.

“Hi, Moony” He smiled nonchalantly, taking a peak at the book he was reading. Remus partly ignored him, giving him an acknowledging hum.

“Oh, I see you’re reading one of my books. Do you like it?” He said while bending over to read the cover. (Y/N) as dumb as he could be, enjoyed reading just as much as Remus did. A lot of the time they spent together was in the library or reading together.

“I do, rather exciting. Didn’t expect to enjoy it this much, but thank you for borrowing it to me” Remus smiled, making (Y/N) blush a little.

“I’m glad!” He said, thumping back onto the sofa. Now trying to keep up with the pace his friend was reading at. He yawned softly, he was quite exhausted from a long day of school. He was about ready to take a nap.

Laying his head lightly on his friend’s shoulder, he asked Remus to read aloud so he could rest his eyes.

As much as (Y/N) was a pain in his ass, he was a joy to be around. A light in his life unlike the light of his other friends. The heat on his face didn’t help either.

“Is the spring coming?" he said. "What is it like?" "It is the sun shining on the rain and the rain falling on the sunshine...” He spoke in a hush tone, narrating the book for (Y/N).

“I love this part, it’s so nice” (Y/N) smiled, getting comfortable for this afternoon nap. Remus stopped for a moment looking at his soft (H/C) hair and sleep ready face.

“Why did you stop? Was it me? I’ll shut up now” He said half asleep, waiting for his friend to continue the story again and that’s how they both fell asleep that late afternoon.

His book laying over his chest, his hands wrapped around the smaller boy like two cats huddled under a sun beam.

The next week was stressful with Valentine’s Day approaching and love in the air, it was all James could speak out.

“Oh Lily, a name so sweet just like the flower. A scent so alluring, oh Lily, my love, oh how can live without you. Life is , but a muggle roller coaster going up with you” He sighed, hugging the small envelope in his arms. Sirius gagged and pretended to throw up while Remus and (Y/N) laughed at his attempt at poetry.

“This is the year, boys. This is the year Lily Evans will be mine” He looked up at the great hall’s morning sky, his eyes twinkling with the love in his heart.

The other Marauders were painfully single, as was James, but the way he talked about Lily you’d think they’re already married. Lily however looked as though she would vomit at any given time James looked at her.

Tomorrow the whole hall would be filled with hearts and love potions. He was sure someone would slip one of them a potion, it happened every year, last year they had to nurse Peter to health ‘cause someone thought it would be funny if Peter fell in love McGonagall.

“Merlin, Prongs. One more word about Lily and I might curse myself” Sirius sighed and hid his own small envelope under his robe.

“How can I?” James sighed once, looking over the Lily who was sitting with her own friends pretending he didn’t exist. He rested his hand on his arm, sighing loudly and dramatically.

The day passed once again leading the five back into their common room, all tired of classes. The conversation immediately leaped to what would happen the next day.

“I bet Lily will finally accept that we are soulmates separated by a tragic past life” James said proudly once again pulling out the small heart littered envelope he had been carrying all day.

“I bet it’ll be another Valentine’s Day alone for you, dear Prongs” Sirius said in a soft and sweet voice, not mirrored with the evil little smirt of his face.

“Fine. Let’s make a bet then. All five of us, come on” James challenged the boys in the room who looked angrily at Sirius who always started these silly bets.

“Okay, Moony? Wormtail? (N/N)? You in?” Sirius chirped

“No way, last time I had to change my hair green and silver.” Remus said shaking his head profusely, Sirius looked at him and (Y/N) with his puppy dog eyes. Almost considering changing himself into a dog to guilt trip them.

“No need to convince me twice, I’m always in for a bet”

“I’m always in too” Peter chimed in, though no one was surprised as he just did whatever James asked anyway. “Fine, I’m in. What’s the bet?” Remus finally gave in after the whole group joined in, he felt as though he was gonna regret this.

“All us dashing young men need to find a date tomorrow. Anyone who’s rejected has to spend the night on the Quidditch pitch, no blankets, no clothing. Only underwear”

“Deal.” Sirius said quickly, shaking James’ hand.

“How do we always get dragged into this?” Remus sighed and let his head fall back onto the sofa, his arms over his face.

The next day was grueling work, everyone already had a date. James hadn’t asked Lily anything yet, his anxiety suddenly overcoming him, Sirius had been slapped in the face about 5 times, (Y/N) remembered he didn’t know anyone else, Peter had actually acquired a date out of some miracle and Remus was nowhere to be seen.

“Anyone see, Moony yet?” Sirius sighed, a small ice pack on his face. All the men looked completely defeated except Peter who had practically skipped over to them with the news he had gotten a date.

“Nope” (Y/N) quickly looked around the great hall as they sat for lunch, he was a little worried about him. Maybe he was brooding somewhere alone. Maybe was crying that he couldn’t find a date, maybe he was-

“I’m gonna go look for him” He stood up quickly, speed walking towards the closest boys bathroom, then the next and the next. He couldn't see him in any of the bathrooms. He was a little more worried now, well a lot more worried.

A little tired and defeated with the next bell ringing, he got to the next class first and to his surprise and relief Remus was there.

“Idiot. You scared us, we barely saw you today, what the fuck?” He came up behind him and flicked his forehead scolding him. He apologised and said he had to fetch a special package from the owlery alone. (Y/N) didn’t ask anything, just glad to see nothing bad happened.

“Any luck on a date?” He said, still waiting for the other classmates to arrive.

“Not yet, might look at real estate on the pitch” He chuckled, his eyes crinkling in his wide smile, flushing (Y/N)’s cheeks a bit.

They chatted for a short while before the last three troublemakers burst through the potion room door. Peter still has a bright smile on his face.

“Why so cheery, Wormtail?”

“He’s the only one of us with a date” James sighed loudly, still clutching his letter for Lily. He looked a lot less confident than yesterday, Peter deflating his ego even more.

The day passed and soon they were sulking on the sofa together, all now very painfully single besides Peter who was happily owling the Hufflepuff girl he had asked out. James finally had the courage to give the letter to Lily who just gave him a small smile before immediately b-lining out of potions. He was crushed, a broken shell of a man, at least that’s how he described it. Sirius had received about ten more slaps across the face. The other two had just accepted they would be huddling for warm on the pitch or so they thought.

“Here guys, we deserve it” Remus stood up suddenly grabbing the mysterious bag he was hiding under the couch.

He handed each one of the boys a small box of handmade chocolate, Remus’ specialty. They all lighted up suddenly at the prospect of chocolate except for (Y/N). Who got discreetly given a slightly bigger box and when he opened it, they were all heart shaped unlike the other threes’.

“Thanks so much, Moony! What would we do without you” (Y/N) smiled brightly, causing Remus to stiffen up a little.

The other two very quickly realised their chocolates were different than the (H/C) boy’s were. They know what was up, but (Y/N) was not in the loop.

“I’ll be back.” Remus quickly said, doing a 180 turn towards the porthole, leaving the others.

“I hope Moony’s okay. Maybe he got rejected.” He frowned looking at the closing door. He wanted to check up on him, but maybe he just wanted to be alone.

The other two in the room looked at each other, at their chocolates and back at (Y/N). They both decided it was about fucking time, if Remus wasn’t gonna do it. They would.

“You really are dense, (Y/N). He likes you, isn’t it obvious?” James said not looking up from his homework as he sat on the desk in the common room. Sirius shrugged in agreement and (Y/N) looked a little shocked.

He looked down at the box of heart shaped chocolates in front of him, everything finally clicking in his mind as he face palmed his brain.

“Oh my god. Wait really?” He questioned again, the thought had never crossed his mind that Remus would feel the same way he did. He never thought Remus was gay like he was though now that he thought about it, it was kind of obvious.

“You really didn’t know?” Sirius said while struggling to unwrap the ribbon off his own valentine chocolates. (Y/N) really felt dumb as a rock.

“Fuck.” He cussed under his breath, quickly exiting the room to find Remus.

He saw a flash of light hair belonging to the boy on his mind, he raced toward him in a fast walk. Quickly catching up and grabbing his shoulder.

“Moony! Wait! I’m sorry, I didn’t know these were those kinds of chocolates” (Y/N) said a little out of breath still clutching the box in his hands, looking at them briefly before turning to the taller boy.

“It’s fine, (N/N). I don’t think you would’ve accepted them anyway.” Remus sighed softly, what looked like a few tears running down his face which (Y/N) immediately wiped off with his finger gently.

He smiled widely at the crying boy next to him, then gave him a huge hug.

“Yes I would have! I would’ve loved getting chocolates like that.” He said brightly, gripping onto the taller boy’s neck tighter. Not wanting to let go.

“You would?” Remus sniffed quietly, barely speaking over a whisper. He breathed into the (Y/N)’s necks, smelling the sweet smell of his coconut shampoo and cologne.

“Of course! I’m sorry I’m a little oblivious sometimes. I do like you, though… a lot.” He said sheepishly, blushing into the crook of Remus’ neck.

“You do?” He questioned again, his crying stopped and he felt very warm and fuzzy. The butterflies in his stomach beating him up.

“YES! Now come eat these with me. We won the bet.” He let go of Remus and grabbed his hand, pulling him back to the common room again.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me” Sirius said as he saw his two friends hand in hand.

“Looks like we’re sleeping outside” James sighed, looking at the pitch from outside the window...

“So cold.”

#Young!Remus Lupin #young!sirius black #young!james potter #young!peter pettigrew #Young!Remus x Reader #remus lupin x male reader #Remus Lupin #remus lupin x reader #Marauders #marauders era #marauders fanfiction #hp marauders #harry potter fanfiction #Harry Potter #hp #x reader #x male reader

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stayextrafrosty · 3 years

Text

I'm Dying for a Taste of You: Chapter 7

Chapter Title: Love, Sex, Death

Chapter Summary: important discussions of feelings and about where Michael was. There's a new plan to take down Caber.

A/N: This is finally coming to a head! The end is near... There's a new playlist for this story featuring all the music I used to pick chapter titles and songs that fit the mood of the story.

Warnings: heavy blood drinking, mild self injury

Read on AO3 / Masterlist / Playlist

Michael froze in his movements, blinking at Alex as though he never expected for a moment that was something he would say. Alex rubbed his thumb over the stubble on his jaw. He refused to look away from his eyes. He didn’t care what Michael’s response was. As long as he never left him again.

Then Michael was closing the distance between them, pressing his lips to Alex’s. His heart soared as he melted against him. Michael’s fingers dug into the muscles in his back, holding him as close as possible. Alex nibbled on his bottom lip gently and felt him smile in return.

Every kiss was sweeter than the last until Michael pulled himself away with what seemed like some difficulty. He only succeeded in staying away for a few seconds before nuzzling his face into the crook of Alex’s neck.

“I’ll uncompel you I promise. Just let me have you all to myself for a bit.” Alex sighed and shook his head.

“No. I don’t want you to. I love you Michael,” he insisted again. A brief expression of pain crossed his features. Alex kissed him quickly. “I would love you even if you didn’t compel me.”

“Alex. You don’t have to—” He pushed him onto his back and sat on top of him, rocking his hips gently.

“I love you, Michael.” Alex leaned down, pressing gentle kisses to his face. He listened to him sigh softly as his hands found their way to his waist. Alex placed another kiss on his lips, mumbling, “I love you.” He trailed his hands down over his shoulders and arms. He took his hands from their spot, holding them down to the mattress. “I love you,” he said again as he began to kiss down his neck.

“Alex,” Michael breathed out, his cock twitching inside of him. He just hushed him as he moved from his neck to his chest, squeezing his hands and continuing the slow rolling of his hips. Alex repeated the words between every kiss, eventually working his way back up to Michael’s lips.

“I’m exactly where I want to be, understand? I’m all yours. Have been since we met.” A moment later, Michael was pushing him back and sitting up. Alex released his hands and wrapped his arms around his neck. Michael grabbed his waist and moved him faster, making him moan softly.

“I love you, Alex. I love you so much it scares me. I have never wanted anyone the way I want you. It’s not even a want, it’s a need.” Alex whimpered as their lips connected again. They continued their steady pace as Alex traced his tongue over Michael’s teeth, pressing just hard enough to draw blood.

“Fuck, Alex. You really want to be here all night don’t you?”

“You were the one who said to make up for lost time.” Michael just groaned in response and captured Alex’s lips again.

Michael did have him up the rest of the night. By the time the sun was peeking through the window, Alex still hadn’t gotten nearly enough sleep. Every time he started to doze off, he would feel Michael’s mouth on his neck or shoulder, leaving fresh hickies that he would need to cover up somehow.

Alex did end up falling asleep around six in the morning but still woke up again by eleven. He was wrapped in Michael’s arms, and the rest of their limbs were tangled together. He pulled his eyes open to watch Michael sleep, his curls messy as they fanned out on the pillow.

He traced his fingers over the lines of his face and jaw, remembering the wounds he had shown up with at the door. There was no mistaking them for anything but bites from another vampire. Michael groaned softly and hugged Alex tighter. Slowly his eyes cracked open and Alex just smiled at him.

Michael loved him. Wanted to be with him. This beautiful man was all his. Michael leaned in, nuzzling into his neck while his hands wandered over Alex’s bare skin. His eyes fluttered shut again as one of Michael’s hands moved to massage the thigh above his missing leg.

“How did this happen?” he mumbled. Alex didn’t know how to respond for a second. Had they really never talked about it?

“I was out on an assignment. Took a vampires ‘meal’ practically from his mouth. He retaliated by breaking my leg and trying to get at me instead.” Alex flinched at the memory. “His teeth ripped tendons and muscle and it just wasn’t repairable.”

Michael’s lips were soft against his skin as he rolled to cover Alex with his whole body. His kisses trailed lower and lower as Alex ran a gentle hand through his hair. He nipped at his hip quickly before moving on. He placed kisses down his thigh to his knee. Alex’s heart fluttered at the sweetness.

“I’m sorry. I wish I could fix it now.”

Alex tugged him back up his body, wrapping his legs around his hips. He pulled their foreheads together, holding Michael’s face tenderly.

“I love you,” he said. Michael’s mouth twitched up into a smile before he closed the distance between them. Alex sighed in bliss, tasting Michael’s tongue as it swept past his lips and over his own.

As much as he wanted to continue like this for the next eternity, there were some questions he couldn’t put off any longer. He let himself get carried away yesterday. Allowed himself to be completely consumed by everything that was Michael.

He pushed him back gently, propping himself up on his elbows. Michael seemed confused for a moment but then he just nodded and turned away from Alex and rolled off of him. He stared at the ceiling and the way his muscles tensed made Alex want to forget about it. But he couldn’t.

“Where were you?” Alex asked softly, reaching over to trace patterns on his chest. Michael took a deep breath.

“Not far. Chasing down Caber. Went all the way to Albuquerque before I was able to trace him down. Whatever your cop buddies shot him with, it did serious damage.” Alex’s nose twitched in annoyance. He was less than five hours away and he couldn’t just ask Alex for help?

“I hate that you went after him by yourself. You didn’t even tell Max and Isobel where you were,” he scolded gently, controlling his urge to yell.

“They knew. I told them not to tell you.”

The silence could have cut through steel. Alex had no response for him. He wanted to scream. Maybe cry. Curse him for days. Isobel and Max had known and they did nothing to help him. They saw him suffering and they did nothing.

“Please don’t blame them Alex. I begged them to keep you out of it.” Alex could barely contain the way his voice shook with anger.

“I don’t blame them… I was in pain Michael. Absolute agony. You left me with nothing. No information about how I was supposed to survive without you!” He ended up snapping toward the end. Alex shoved himself into a sitting position and ran a hand through his hair. The weight shifted next to him and the rough skin of Michael’s hand ran over his back.

“I know. I didn’t think—”

“Damn right you didn’t think! How could you ever think I would be better without you? You knew that I would suffer and you did it anyway.” He felt Michael’s lips press to his back and shoulders. “You were cruel.”

“I’m so sorry Alex.”

“Was it Caber that gave you those wounds?”

“No. A group of vampires controlled by an elder were after me.” Alex turned toward him, eyebrows drawn together.

“What do you mean?”

“At any one time there’s a handful of vampires that are the oldest. That group of four or five is granted special abilities. One being the ability to compel other vampires. All I know it that Alayna is the oldest. I haven’t met the others in my time alive.”

“So Alayna is sending hordes of vampires after you to what? Kill you?”

“I mean we don’t know if it’s Alayna for sure. The others could be anywhere. Maybe I insulted one without knowing it.” Alex gave a humorless laugh and shook his head. If the way Alayna acted was any indication, the elders were cruel and full of themselves. Wanting everyone to know exactly who they were. Vampire hierarchy didn’t tolerate disrespect. Alex knew that first hand.

“It’s nothing to worry about, ok? I took care of them. They seemed like they were new.” He ‘took care of them?’

“You killed all of them,” Alex mumbled out, almost in shock. New vampires that were turned for the sole purpose of hunting. Nausea settled in his stomach. Michael wrapped his arms around his shoulders, pulling him against his chest and leaving a trail of light kisses on his neck.

“It was me or them Alex. They weren’t going to stop.” Alex let himself relax back against him. His eyes fluttered closed as he enjoyed the sweet attentions Michael was giving him.

He had always been surrounded by death, such is the nature of hunting vampires for a living. Being with Michael had just brought it to the front of his mind.

Michael’s hands drifted lower, scratching over his chest and abdomen. His tongue licked at the skin on the back of his neck before kissing and biting into the spot with blunt teeth. Alex sighed as he sucked another mark into his skin.

He let this continue longer than it should have. Michael’s hands were teasing on his waist and inching toward his thighs. Alex could feel the way Michael’s thighs squeezed together around him and the hardness growing against his back. Alex’s fingers twitched. He wanted to run them through his hair and hold his mouth against his neck.

“Is this your attempt at distracting me?” Alex mumbled.

“Only if it’s working,” he replied, nipping at his skin. He tried not to laugh but a small chuckle escaped anyway.

“One more question. For now at least.” Michael’s arms immediately moved to wrap around his waist, stopping his teasing. Alex weighed his words carefully, though there really wasn’t a different way to ask his question.

“Why now? Why come back now?”

Michael was quiet for a long time. Alex only felt his heartbeat against his back.

“I needed you. More than I ever thought.” He paused, squeezing Alex against him. “I was going crazy when I left you behind. I made it a couple weeks without feeding from a real person.” Alex’s jealousy spiked. He had fed from someone else. He tried to pull away but Michael held him close, wrapping his arms around him tighter.

“Don’t misunderstand. The blood bags weren’t working as well as they used to. I was hungry all the time. I wasn’t at full strength and if I wanted to take down Caber, I needed to be. So I went to a blood ball to feed, thinking having you around made me spoiled.”

Alex stared at a spot on his bed, fighting off the jealousy that threatened to make him explode in anger. He understood Michael’s position. He knew that if he didn’t feed, he would be weak. Alex forced himself to stay quiet.

“It was then I realized that it wasn’t enough. It didn’t matter whether it was in a bag or fresh. It wasn’t you. My body depends on you. Drinking from a bag or from someone else kept me alive. You keep me strong.”

“Why didn’t you come back then?” Alex asked quietly.

“Because I couldn’t. I couldn’t come back to you without getting rid of the reason I left in the first place. I couldn’t fail you like that.” Alex just shook his head.

“I wouldn’t have thought that.”

“Maybe. But I needed to protect you. And if Caber were to overpower me while you’re nearby? I could drive myself into bloodlust just from imagining it.” Alex let his shoulders relax. “You’re my person Alex. And I can’t let anyone else have you. For any reason.”

“None of that really answers my question you know,” he pointed out. As much as his heart was pounding after his confessions, he needed more information. He felt Michael nod.

“I started getting attacked by the newborns after about two months of tracking Caber. It started as small groups that seemed more like vampires that were high on the new power, not realizing I was stronger than them.

“But they just kept coming. More frequently and in larger groups. I found Caber about two weeks ago. He was building his strength again, leaving a trail of bodies behind him. I tried to kill him but he ran. It might have been my only chance to fight him as an equal and I let him get away. I assumed he came back here to finish his ritual so I came back. I’ve been watching you from a distance for a few days. You seemed like you were happy and I couldn’t just crash back into your life.”

“And yet?”

“A group ambushed me. One tried to inherit you from me, which is why I had all those bites on my neck.” Alex spun toward him as much as he could. The question didn’t have time to leave his lips. “It’s a process where if a vampire drains another and then poisons their heart with their venom, they can take the vampires power and anyone they have claimed. It’s not easy, and not something a new vamp would know about. So he was told about the process by someone much older and compelled to attempt it.”

“Why are you assuming he was compelled?”

“Because the power difference should have been obvious to him. He wouldn’t have dared to even try if he was sane. The only reason he got his teeth in me at all is because I was outnumbered and weak.”

Michael unwound an arm from his waist. Lifting his hand to brush the hair off Alex’s forehead, his eyes searched his face, looking for any unasked questions. His fingers trailed down Alex’s face to his neck and to the mark. Alex tilted his head to the side as his eyes fluttered closed. He heard Michael suck in a sharp breath before his lips were pressed to his throat, kissing gently.

“Why did you fall off my roof when you had already knocked on the door?” Michael’s arms tightened around him.

“Because I had a moment of clarity where I was going to run. I saw the way you reacted to me. The way your mark hurt you when it sensed I was near. I don’t want to hurt you. But I had lost too much blood and I lost consciousness. The next thing I remember is you kneeling in front of me, pulling me closer. And I just couldn’t control myself anymore.”

Alex traced his fingers over the arms wrapped around him. Control. Everything about vampires was about control. And he wanted nothing more than to push him far enough so he lost it. If Alex wasn’t human… maybe he would stop holding himself back.

“I’m still the most dangerous person for you to be around. If I lose control again…” Michael mumbled against his skin. Alex stopped his voice by pulling him closer. A hand threading through his hair and holding his mouth against his throat.

“You won’t. And even if you did, it’s you. So I wouldn’t mind.” Michael groaned and suddenly Alex found himself on his back again. Michael hovered over him, lips just brushing against his. His wrists were pinned on the bed next to his head.

“You are just asking to be devoured Alex Manes.” Alex grinned at the threat.

“Promise?”

His back was killing him the next day. Alex knew he should have taken Michael up on a bath and massage but that also came with the risk of making it even worse. Michael had kept him in bed all day apart from the necessary food and shower breaks. Though the shower hadn’t been much of a break either. So instead he sat at his work desk, trying not to bend his back. He flinched as he turned to face his computer.

“Afterglow is one thing, but maybe you should tell whatever partner you have to take it easy on you,” Kyle commented, leaning against his desk. Alex glanced up from his screen to roll his eyes at him.

“And I thought you left for Roswell already.” Kyle had showed up in his driveway this morning as he was getting into his car. He had said there was something important that he needed to take care of before leaving. Not that he didn’t appreciate the company but hiding the fact that Michael was back was much more difficult when he was actually around.

“Chief has a lead on Caber.” His fingers froze over the keys.

“Why are you telling me?” his voice steady but suspicious.

“Because he wants you to be a part of the plan to take him down.” Alex should have been elated. He had wanted nothing except to get back out in the field for months now. If only as a distraction. Now it was different. Michael was back and Caber could be stronger than ever.

Caber (as far as Michael knew) wasn’t an elder but that didn’t change the fact that he had connections to them. Alex couldn’t shake the feeling that this was all connected to Alayna. But why would she want to hurt Michael? From what Alex could tell, she actually liked him. Then again maybe she didn’t like anyone.

“When’s the briefing?”

“Right now.” Alex shot up from his seat. Probably too fast as a sharp pain ran up his spine. Alex did his best not to flinch but Kyle chuckled at him. “Should we put you on medical leave now?”

“Fuck off,” he scolded as a smile settled on his face.

Michael hadn’t gone easy on him. But Alex had kind of egged him on more than was probably necessary. He remembered the way Michael’s hand gripped his hair, pressing his head into the mattress. The overstimulation had been too much after a while but Alex had just wanted him more.

“I think you’ve lost your touch Michael,” Alex taunted. Michael’s eyes glowed red. “I’m not begging yet.” Michael gave an evil laugh as he tightened the rope around Alex’s wrists. He yanked him down by his ankle so Alex was completely stretched out.

There was no warning when he wrapped his mouth around his cock. He had already cum at least four times since waking up and he wasn’t sure how many more he had in him. Alex moaned anyway, attempting to thrust himself deeper into his mouth. Michael held his hips still as he pulled on the ropes around his wrists.

“Lost my touch you say?” Michael teased back as he dragged the tip of his tongue over the underside of his cock up to the head before sucking him in again. His whole body shook and he bit his lip to keep his moans in.

Michael pulled his legs apart and pushed them up, exposing his hole that still dripped with cum and lube. He couldn’t hold back as Michael’s tongue started tracing the rim. Alex’s back arched as much as Michael would allow. He tasted blood from his lip as he groaned and pulled on the ropes. Michael’s fingers gripped his thighs as his tongue slipped inside his ass.

Alex tried to grind himself onto his face but being bent in half kind of inhibited that. Instead Michael tortured him, slipping his tongue in and out of his hole but never enough to be satisfying.

“You know to make it stop,” Michael taunted, nipping at the sensitive skin of his thighs. Alex took a shaky breath and smirked down at him.

“I won’t beg. You’ll eventually give me what I want anyway.”

It was then he was flipped onto his stomach, arms twisting as Michael yanked his waist up and spread his cheeks. Alex tried to push himself onto his elbows at the least, but Michael was gripping his hair, forcing his face into the mattress.

“I think you’re forgetting exactly who you’re dealing with.”

“Manes! Let’s go,” Kyle called, waving a hand in front of his face. Alex shook his head and felt the blush creeping onto his cheeks. Damn him for being his every waking thought.

Alex followed Kyle to the meeting room where a small group of officers sat around a glass table. Some drank coffee and others fiddled on phones. But they all looked up when he walked into the room.

Dan stood in front of a blank white board they used for mapping out theories and clues. His arms were crossed as he tapped his fingers against his skin. Alex ignored the stares as he stood in front of his boss.

“Welcome back to the field, Manes. I would have kept you on desk duty longer but we need information that Kyle believes only you have.” Alex didn’t know if his annoyance showed on his face but he felt his eyebrow twitch.

“I’ve told you before, Sir. I’m perfectly fine to go into the field. Have been for months.” He just nodded in response and picked up a file, handing it to Alex.

“What information do you have on Caber? Why is he obsessed with sacrifices? And why did he come after you?”

“Why would I know why he’s doing sacrifices? I know about as much as you do maybe less because you haven’t kept me in the loop. And the only reason he came after me was because I got in the way of a sacrifice.”

“There’s got to be something else. What about the Vampire that claimed you?” Alex raised an eyebrow.

“What does Michael have to do with this?”

“Is he back?” Alex hesitated to answer, worried that they were looking into him as a suspect again.

“No. I haven’t seen or heard from him in months.” Dan looked Alex up and down and then nodded.

“We had reports of a group of vampires roaming the streets only to find all of them dead in a ditch. We all know that vampires are very protective of their claimed and I thought maybe he was trying to protect you.” Alex still wasn’t seeing the logic. He should have no reason to connect Michael to the case.

“I’m not following sir.”

“Caber tried to use you as a sacrifice right? Your vampire got in the way of that. As revenge he must have sent a group to find you.”

“With all due respect sir, I thought we were going to fill Alex in on the plan to take Caber down,” Kyle interjected, sounding just as confused by this line of questions as Alex felt. Dan cleared his throat and nodded.

“Yes, my apologies. In short, Alex, we want you to be the bait. Whatever reason it may be, revenge or fascination or otherwise, Caber wants you. Sorry for the interrogation, I just don’t want to go in blind or risk your vampire swooping in to protect you and ruining the whole operation.”

Michael would not be okay with this plan. Being that it was practically the same one that they tried five months ago and that one didn’t pan out right either. The difference was that they would be prepared this time. With enough back up and anti-vampire weapons to make sure they put an end to him.

“What do you need from me?” Dan gave a small, proud grin and pointed to the folder in Alex’s hand.

“A detailed action plan is laid out in there. We plan to move tomorrow. We have reason to believe that he will be performing the final sacrifice.” Alex flipped through the pages, skimming them before looking back up at Dan.

“How do you know it’s the final one?”

“It happens to be in the center of all the other sacrifices. I could be wrong of course. But better to treat it like it’s our last chance than to drag this out any longer.” Alex stopped on the page with the list of known sacrifice locations. A detail jumping out at him that he hadn’t noticed before.

“And you’re positive that these last five were sacrifices set up by Caber?” Dan raised an eyebrow.

“Almost certain. They match the pattern. Why?”

Something Michael had mentioned. He said he chased Caber all the way to Albuquerque months ago and only recently had he come back. Caber wasn’t even in town when these were performed. Alex gripped the folder.

Caber wasn’t the only one making sacrifices.

“Do we think he had help? He was critically injured from our last encounter wasn’t he?” Alex asked, still trying to keep Michael a secret.

“He’s a vampire. He must have fed shortly after and healed himself quickly. If you have another lead I’m all ears.” Alex’s eyebrows drew together. He wanted to say that Alayna might be behind it, but he couldn’t imagine her getting her hands dirty for something like that. She turned a group of vampires just to hunt down Michael. She wouldn’t perform sacrifices herself.

“No. Just a thought.”

“Absolutely fucking not!” Alex had expected this reaction. Michael stood from the couch in a huff, running a hand through his hair. “How can you think even for a second that I would stay out of it?”

“Because I’m asking you to,” Alex said firmly. Michael scoffed and shook his head. “It’s different this time. We’ll have weapons and adequate backup.”

“It’s no different! You’re going to end up dead and I’ll hate myself for the rest of my life. I can’t let you go in alone.” Alex stood slowly, inching toward Michael as though he were a wild animal that would run away.

“I’m worried about you Michael. If they find out you’re back, you might become a suspect again.” Alex took his hand gently, threading their fingers together. “My boss already suspects that you’re the one who killed that roaming group of vampires. I told him I hadn’t heard from you.”

Michael cursed under his breath and pulled away from Alex, pacing through the living room. His heart ached watching him. He appreciated the concern but this needed to end. He wasn’t thrilled about being the bait either but Caber did seem to have it out for him. Even if it was just to get back at Michael.

“Come on baby,” Alex tried. “Trust me. I won’t underestimate him this time.”

Michael just shook his head and crossed the room to stand in front of Alex again. He took his face in his hands, running his thumb gently over his cheeks. He rested his head against Alex’s and took a deep breath.

“I can’t lose you, Alex,” he mumbled. Alex covered his hands with his own and closed the distance between them. Michael kissed him back sweetly, chasing his lips as he pulled away after a few moments.

“You won’t lose me. And I don’t want to lose you either. So please stay away from the operation.” Michael kissed him again without answering, encouraging his lips to part as he swept his tongue over them.

Alex allowed himself to be distracted, opening up for Michael and running his hands down his arms to his waist, pulling him closer. Michael took full advantage of his willingness to comply. He pushed Alex back until he hit the wall, hands shifting to grab at the short hair at the back of his head. Alex’s hands slipped under the t-shirt, gripping his waist. It was when Michael nibbled on his lip that an idea came to him.

“Turn me,” Alex breathed out as Michael ran his lips down to his throat.

Michael went ridged. He pulled himself away from Alex almost violently, as though he had been shocked. His eyes were wide as he watched Alex. Red creeped in at the edges.

“No, Alex.” Alex clenched his fists and stepped toward Michael.

“You’re so worried about my safety then why not just turn me and reduce the risk?”

“Alex, I told you not to say that to me.” His voice shook as he backed up. He turned his face away, hiding his eyes. Alex remembered his warning from when they first met. Now he was betting on the temptation working in his favor.

“Why? I love you Michael. You love me.”

“It’s because I love you. I can’t subject you to a life like this.” Michael’s back hit the opposite wall as Alex continued to walk toward him slowly. He just hoped Michael wouldn’t run from him again. But based on his inability to go anywhere except backwards, he figured he was too distracted by Alex’s offer.

“So first it was because you didn’t love me and now it’s because you do?” Michael covered his mouth but not before Alex saw his fangs poking out from his lips. He groaned as Alex continued to move closer.

“I have never not loved you Alex.” His heart pounded as he stopped an arm’s length away from him. “As soon as I saw you, I knew I was fucked. Then you let me taste you… Let me claim you. It was the first time I didn’t curse my existence; didn’t hate what I was. Because I knew I found my perfect match.”

“Built from the same star some would say,” Alex mumbled, having read it in a book a long time ago.

Michael finally met his eyes again. His glowed red as Alex closed the last of the distance between them, grabbing his wrist and moving it from in front of his face.

“I told you not to hide from me.” Alex lifted his wrist to his mouth, kissing the pulse point before nipping gently. “Turn me Michael. I want to be with you forever.”

Michael slid down the wall to his knees, his arm slipping from Alex’s grip. He took Alex’s hand instead, pressing kisses to the back of it and eventually turning it to kiss his palm and fingers. Michael looked up at Alex, tears threatening to fall.

“I don’t deserve you,” he mumbled. Alex fell to his knees in front of him, crushing their mouths together, determined to prove to Michael that this was real. That he wanted this. Wanted him.

They grabbed at each other, Michael literally tearing the shirt from his body. His nails dragged roughly over Alex’s skin, making him flinch and gasp. Michael tossed the scraps to the side as his tongue darted between his lips. Alex wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him away from the wall and eventually laying him on the ground.

He straddled his thighs as his fingers fumbled with the buttons on his shirt. Michael’s hands moved to his waist, pulling their hips together and rocking him gently. Alex groaned against his lips before gasping in a breath. He finally pulled the last button free and shoved the shirt off Michael’s shoulders. He sat up briefly to shrug the clothing all the way off before Alex was pinning him to the floor again.

Alex only held Michael’s arms in place for a moment before dragging his hands down to his jeans, yanking the belt open then the button. Michael sighed and ran his hands up Alex’s back, fingers digging into the muscles.

Alex leaned down, pressing open-mouthed kisses to Michael’s collarbone as he slipped his fingers into the waistband of his underwear. Michael grabbed his head, holding him against his skin. Alex wrapped his hand around his half hard cock, stroking it slowly. A low groan fell from his lips as his hips rocked up into his fist.

Alex moved his free hand next to Michael’s head, holding himself up as he moved his kisses up his throat. His own jeans were far too tight at this point but he wanted to focus on Michael and convincing him that this was what was supposed to happen. Living an eternity together.

“Turn me,” he breathed over his pulse point.

“Alex…” Michael moaned as his hand squeezed his cock, bringing it to full attention. “This isn’t fair.”

Alex sank his teeth into his skin. Michael’s whole body arched against him. His nails scratched his scalp, calling out his name again. He sucked on the spot, making sure to leave a dark mark just like Michael had done to him the night before. He pulled away to rest their foreheads together, so they felt the breath of each other. Michael panted and tried to kiss him again but Alex pulled himself back.

“I can handle it Michael. We belong together. Turn me.”

“Damnit Alex.”

Suddenly Alex was the one on his back. Michael hovered above him, holding Alex’s hand on his cock that was mostly out of his underwear. With his free hand, he pushed the fabric down his legs, kicking it to the side when he finally got it to his ankles. Completely naked and Alex still had to keep himself from drooling at the sight.

“You never get tired of pushing me into bloodlust do you?” His eyes glowed as he allowed the movement of Alex’s hand again. He unzipped Alex’s jeans and pulled them down but only enough that his cock was free of the fabric.

The air made Alex gasp and the cool touch of Michael’s hand didn’t help. They stroked each other, Michael inching closer so they could rub against the other. Alex cursed under his breath as his eyes fluttered closed.

He only heard the sounds of their panting and small whines. Eventually Michael’s lips found his, swallowing the groan that slipped out when he started rubbing his thumb over the tip. He spread the pre-cum over the head and down the sides. Michael pushed Alex’s hand away, instead holding them together and jerking them both off. The wetness leaking from the tips eased the friction.

Alex reached around Michael’s waist, dragging his nails over his back. Michael’s eyes glowed as he leaned over him, his breath brushing over his lips. Alex pushed himself up on his elbows, pressing their mouths together. Their hips rocked together, steadily increasing the pace.

“I need more,” Alex mumbled out, clenching his hands into fists.

“More of what?” Michael taunted back, breathless.

“Of you. I need all of you.” He felt Michael’s grin against his lips. He pulled away, releasing his cock and grabbing the waistband of Alex’s jeans instead. He yanked them down to his knees and Alex scrambled to turn onto his stomach.

He pressed his face into the wood, ignoring the discomfort that came with it. He reached behind him, spreading himself open for Michael’s hungry stare. He reached out and teased a finger over Alex’s hole before running his hand over his ass and thighs.

“Fuck me Michael. Use me. And don’t hold back,” Alex pleaded. A low groan escaped Michael’s lips as he leaned forward, pressing his tongue against his ass. Alex pushed himself back against his face with a whine. Michael traced the rim, pushing the tip just past the entrance, letting his saliva coat the opening. Alex tried pushing himself back again but Michael was pulling away.

“I oughta get a gag for that pretty mouth. You have this tendency to rush me,” he said, trailing kisses up his spine. Alex’s cock jumped at the suggestion. “You want me to stop holding back? Is that why you want me to turn you?”

He pressed his leaking cock against his hole. Alex didn’t dare respond to the question. Just bit his lip and tried to push back onto him. Michael kept himself settled right at his entrance.

“You want me to turn you so I can ruin you? So I can fuck you for days and never have enough? So you can get high on my blood and venom?” He pushed the head in slightly. Alex could only moan in response.

A loud banging on the front door had both of them jumping. Alex’s eyes darted to the locked entrance and then to his torn shirt on the floor. He felt his face heat up as he tried to crawl away from where Michael was still pressed against him. The pain from the pressure on his knee became noticeable as sense re-entered his brain. Michael grabbed his hips before he could move too far, pressing the head of his cock just past the rim of his ass

“Ignore it,” he growled. And god Alex wanted to. Michael teased him with his cock, just barely pushing in before pulling back out. Alex’s legs shook and his cock was harder than ever. But just as he closed his eyes to let Michael take control again, the knock returned, more insistent.

“Michael, I have to answer it.” Another three knocks and a muffled voice.

“Alex, open up.” Kyle’s voice brought him back into the real world, pulling away from Michael no matter how much his body screamed for him to do the opposite.

Alex scrambled to his feet, pulling his pants up as he went. He looked back at where Michael sat on the floor, seeming unconcerned with the fact he was naked and more annoyed that they had been interrupted. He looked Alex up and down, tracing his tongue over his fangs. Alex twitched in his jeans and tore his eyes away from him. He didn’t trust his body to resist him when he looked like that.

“Go upstairs and hide. I’ll see what he wants.”

“You’re going to answer the door like that?” Alex heard the jealousy laced through his voice.

“You ripped my shirt. And it’s just Kyle. Now go upstairs.”

He heard the shuffling of his body and then his hardness was pressed against his lower back. Michael licked a teasing trail up his neck and nipped his ear. Alex barely let out a sigh before Kyle’s knocking became panicked.

“Come on Manes this isn’t funny! I will break down this door.”

“Don’t make me wait too long,” Michael whispered next to his ear. Then he vanished.

Alex chanced a look behind him and he was nowhere to be seen. His clothes and the scraps from Alex’s torn shirt were gone. Alex shook his head and rushed to the door, unlocking and pulling it open.

“Breaking the door is not necessary,” he said as his eyes met Kyle’s.

“Damn dude. You’re seriously going to give me a heart attack one of these days.” Alex stepped to the side to let him into the front room. He watched his eyes as they ran over everything, making sure nothing was out of place.

“What are you looking for exactly?” Alex asked when he started pacing the room. Kyle stopped and took one more glace around. His shoulders seemed to relax as he slipped his hands into his pockets.

“Nothing. Just worried about why it took you so long to answer the door.” Alex looked away to hide the blush.

“Well I was going to get in the shower when you started threatening to break down my door. I don’t exactly move very fast when I don’t have my prosthesis.” Kyle looked him up and down and a grin settled on his face.

“Right… can you tell whatever bed buddy is here that we have some things to discuss and to come back later? Not that I don’t appreciate the view Manes, but you never answer the front door with unbuttoned jeans and fresh scratch marks.”

Alex looked down at himself for the first time. Kyle was right. His jeans were unbuttoned and his arousal was still plainly obvious. Light pink lines were forming on his waist and hips where Michael had grabbed him. Alex sighed and ran a hand through his hair, which he now realized was probably messed up too.

“Look,” Kyle started, lowering his voice. “It’s not my business who you sleep with or how often. But if you’re using this as a way to replace Michael, I promise it’s not going to work. Find someone who cares about you.” Alex was touched by the concern. He smiled and nodded at Kyle.

“Who, like you? Change your mind about being straight, Valenti?” he teased. Kyle snorted.

“Dude, the way you look right now, I might have to bend just to put you out of your misery. You seriously look wrecked.” Alex only had time to roll his eyes before a low growl reached his ears and arms wrapped around his waist.

Michael yanked him back, away from Kyle who’s eyes were blown wide as he recognized him. Alex squirmed in Michael’s arms, trying to see exactly what Kyle was seeing.

“I suggest you stay there or you can kiss your chances of ever having children goodbye,” Michael threatened lowly. Alex watched the way Kyle clenched his fists to stop himself from trembling. Michael held him tighter, slowly pulling him backwards.

“Michael stop. What’s going on,” Alex tried asking. Kyle’s hand inched toward the gun at his hip. He struggled in Michael’s arms again finally succeeding in turning around.

His eyes glowed in a different way than before. His pupils slit and the red bright instead of muted. Anger rolled off him in waves. His fingers dug into Alex’s skin as he hyper focused on Kyle. His teeth we on full display, longer than Alex had ever seen them. Low growls slipped from his mouth.

Alex grabbed his face, forcing his attention to shift. He pressed their foreheads together, making soft hushing noises.

“Hey, everything is fine. I’m fine. He wouldn’t hurt me.” Michael’s eyes darted back and forth, trying to see around Alex. He held him steady, brushing his lips against his.

“He said wanted you…” Michael mumbled out. Alex sighed and pressed his mouth to Michael’s briefly.

“No baby. It was a joke. I’m yours, ok? I’m all yours,” he whispered comfortingly. Michael tried to pull away but he held him steady. “All yours. I’m yours and you are mine. I don’t want anyone else.”

Michael’s grip on his skin loosened slowly. He slowed his breathing to match Alex’s as his eyes dimmed back to their normal shade of brown. Michael closed the distance between them, kissing him firmly and teasing his tongue over his lips.

Alex didn’t know how long they had been standing there, but the sound of Kyle clearing his throat suggested longer than he should have allowed.

“Well this explains some things,” Kyle said, trying to sound nonchalant. Alex turned back toward him, holding onto Michael’s hand.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything,” he offered.

“Why? I get it. The chief wasn’t exactly subtle about considering Michael a person of interest again.” His eyes shifted from Alex to the man standing behind him. His eyebrows narrowed as he crossed his arms. “But I won’t pretend to not be pissed at the guy who quite literally ruined your life for five months.”

“Stay out of it Valenti,” Michael snapped.

“Screw you! You weren’t here! You didn’t have to see the way he was falling apart. Literally. He could hardly get out of bed most days. You didn’t have to see the physical pain you put him through. So no. I’m not going to stay out of it. And let me be clear that if you ever do something like that to him again, I’ll kill you myself.”

Alex felt Michael grip his hand but he didn’t respond. He squeezed his hand back briefly and rubbed his thumb over the skin. They would have to talk about this more later.

“Just keep this between us ok? I don’t want the chief knowing he’s here.”

“Because you’re worried he’ll be targeted as an accomplice,” he stated matter-of-factly. Alex nodded. “The chief thinks Caber has help. And when you brought it up in the meeting… it was obvious you had outside information from somewhere.” Alex cursed under his breath.

“Caber wasn’t even in the area when the sacrifices were performed. Someone was acting in his place.” Kyle nodded.

“But without any leads you can’t exactly bring it up.”

“Exactly.”

Kyle started to pace, running a hand over his jaw. Alex looked back at Michael, trying to gauge his reaction to all of this. His face was emotionless as he watched the other man. He glanced down at Alex. His face didn’t change but he squeezed his hand.

“Chief claims he doesn’t have any leads either but I think he might be considering Michael.”

“But why?” Alex demanded.

“I wish I knew. All those questions about him today… He’s definitely considering him for something.” Kyle stopped pacing and looked at Michael again. “Which is why you need to stay far away from the mission tomorrow.”

“You don’t get to just waltz in here and tell me how to protect my claimed,” Michael growled, stepping in front of Alex. Kyle rolled his eyes.

“I’m not. But you showing up tomorrow would ruin the whole plan. And I don’t need you being taken in by police and throwing Alex into another spiral.” Michael took a threatening step toward him, a low growl just barely audible.

“Oh knock it off, both of you,” Alex snapped, yanking Michael back. He sighed as he looked between them. “Look, Kyle it won’t be a problem. Michael won’t be there to mess it up.”

“When the hell did I agree—”

“Michael, we will talk about this later,” Alex cut him off. He glared at Michael, daring him to argue.

“Alex, I just wanted to make sure you knew what you were walking into. There’s a very real chance you could get seriously hurt.” Alex smiled at him and stepped forward, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“This is my job Kyle. Just like it’s yours. I know the risks and if it’s to protect people then I wouldn’t choose anything different.”

“… Did you read the operation plan yet?” Kyle asked hesitantly. Alex glanced to where the manila folder sat on an end table. He had flipped through a few pages but hadn’t looked in depth.

He moved to grab the file but Michael was there faster, practically ripping the paper trying to open it. His eyes scanned the pages and Alex watched as they flashed red. He took a deep breath before shutting the file and shoving it into Alex’s chest. He stormed upstairs as Alex watched his back.

“You’re bait Manes. You knew that. What the Chief didn’t tell you, was that you would be alone. That he’s going to let Caber begin the sacrifice with you and while Caber is high on your blood, then we would move in and attack.”

“Why is he so certain that Caber will drink my blood at all?”

“He’s not. But if our theory is correct in assuming he wants revenge, he’ll most likely revel in it. Be too distracted with theatrics to pay attention to us.”

“Vampires are stronger after they feed. Caber could wipe out the whole team.”

“Which is why you’re going to drink a poison our lab created. Remember that girl you saved? Liz? She’s working with us now. Turns out she’s a biomedical engineer. The poison won’t harm you but any vampire that drinks your blood will, in theory, enter a state of paralysis.”

Alex glanced over the papers in his hand and swallowed. They crinkled in his hand as he gripped them tighter with every word he read. He looked back up at Kyle.

“So I ask again. Are you sure you want to do this?”

Alex stared at his own closed door. He knew why Michael was pissed. He wasn’t exactly thrilled about the situation himself. He always had the bad habit of jumping into things without thinking them through first. He laughed at himself. That was exactly what got him into this situation in the first place. But then again, if he wasn’t like that… he wouldn’t have Michael.

He grabbed the doorknob and pushed it open. He looked around the room and found Michael standing and staring out the window. The sun was setting but still shown directly into the window. Michael was gripping the window sill and his skin was red, as though he was burning.

Alex blinked before he realized what was happening. He jumped toward the vampire, pulling him away from the window and yanking the blinds shut.

“Michael! What the hell are you thinking?” Alex grabbed his shoulders, looking over his bare chest and arms as the red started to fade as his body healed itself.

“I needed something to control myself,” Michael mumbled. Alex’s eyebrows drew together as he shook his head.

“You don’t need to hurt yourself!”

“I did.” Alex ran his hands up to rest on his face, holding him gently. “I wish I could properly convey the anger I feel when you have complete disregard for your own life.”

“It’s to help people.”

“Why are they more deserving of life than you?” Michael snapped. Alex flinched back as Michael’s gaze pierced through him. He watched as tears pooled in his eyes and his jaw clenched to keep them from falling. “I can’t lose you. Not to something as stupid as trying to stop a piece of shit like Caber.”

The tears spilled over and Alex wiped them away as they fell. Michael’s hands found their way to his waist and pulled him closer. Alex pressed his forehead to his. They stood for a while, breathing each other in. Their lips occasionally bushed together but neither pushed for more.

“You won’t lose me. I promise.”

“You can’t promise that. Not with a plan that puts you at the mercy of a revenge hungry vampire.”

Alex wouldn’t deny being nervous. Things could so easily go wrong but what other choice did he have? He couldn’t back out when lives were at stake. And if Caber was gone, that would be one less threat to Michael.

“Michael. Please just trust me.”

“Alex—”

He kissed him then, stopping any further protesting. Mouths slipping over each other. Hands wandering over his bare skin. Alex pushed him back slowly, nipping at his lip and tangling his fingers in the untamed curls.

Michael’s fingers dug into his skin as he sighed. He pulled Alex on top of him as he stumbled back onto the bed. Alex sat on his lap, trapping his head between his arms as he held himself up. Michael’s hands ran up his back, grabbing at his skin and kneading his muscles.

Alex rocked his hips against his at a steady pace. Their lips separated as they both sighed from the friction, foreheads pressed together. Rain wrapped around Alex as he breathed Michael in. He wanted to smell more of him. Alex dragged his lips over his jaw, occasionally nipping at the skin. He pressed open mouthed kisses to his throat, tongue teasing at the pulse point. Michael’s head rolled to the side to give him better access.

He couldn’t help but moan at the way the simple action drove him crazy. And maybe he was finally understanding why Michael couldn’t resist him when he did it. His most vulnerable spot, all for Alex’s taking. He could kill him and yet all he wanted was to press his lips to the skin and mark him as his own.

So he bit into the skin gently, taking Michael’s hands from his back and pressed them into the mattress. Their fingers entwined as Alex refocused on his attentions on the mark he had left earlier. Michael pressed his body up against him, a small whine sneaking out from his lips.

“Hey,” Michael mumbled out. Alex removed himself slowly, sitting up so he could see his face. “Go get that knife on the dresser.” His voice shook with barely contained need. Red creeped in at the edges of his eyes, fangs poking out from his lips.

Alex looked over his shoulder at his knife that he had on the first day they met. It hadn’t moved since they used it in a situation similar to this. He pushed himself up from the bed and grabbed it. He sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at it.

Michael took it gently from his hands and pushed himself back until he was sitting up against the headboard. Alex turned toward him and watched as he undid the button on his pants and pushed them down before kicking them off the side of the bed. Alex looked down at his own pants and stood again. He pushed them down his legs along with his underwear. He stumbled slightly with his prosthesis but Michael didn’t seem concerned. He stood at the edge of the bed completely naked, looking down at the other man in his bed.

“Come here,” Michael demanded lowly.

Alex crawled onto the bed and toward Michael, staying on all fours until they were face to face. He pressed his mouth to Michael’s and lifted a hand to drag it down his chest to his groin that throbbed when his fingers wrapped around it.

Michael groaned against his lips but pushed his hand away gently. Alex held himself up instead, jumping slightly when Michael leaned forward into his kiss and his fingers brushed over the edge of his prosthesis. His other hand pushed Alex to the side, forcing him to sit next to him on the bed. Michael kissed him again as he started to release the pressure. He let his fingers brush against his skin at every opportunity.

He eventually tugged the metal and plastic limb off, pulling away from Alex’s lips only to set it on the floor next to the bed. Alex pushed himself up onto his knees again, swinging his leg over Michael’s, sitting on his thighs. He grabbed his face, pulling at the hair as he ran his fingers through it. Michael wrapped his arms around his waist as their lips came together again.

Their bodies fit together like puzzle pieces. Every arch of Alex’s body, Michael mirrored with his own, keeping their bodies connected at as many points as possible. Alex slipped his tongue between Michael’s lips, tracing the point of a fang before running it over his tongue. He moaned and gripped his hips hard enough to leave bruises.

Michael pulled him closer, forcing their cocks to rub together. Alex rocked his hips, loving the feeling of it. He didn’t get to enjoy it for long before Michael was releasing him and pushing him back slightly.

Alex stared into red eyes. He tugged his bottom lip between his teeth and he could have giggled in delight at the way Michaels eyes followed the movement.

The sound of metal clicking drew his attention. Michael held the knife in his hand, pressing his thumb against the sharp edge. A small dribble ran down the blade and he lifted the knife to Alex’s lips. The warm liquid dripped onto his bottom lip and he immediately licked it away. Alex ran his hand over the arm holding the knife before carefully pressing his tongue against the blade where Michael’s blood dripped.

The coppery taste sent an inferno burning under his skin. His mark throbbed and he flinched, pressing too hard against the blade, opening a small cut on his tongue. Michael pulled the blade away immediately, panic crossing his face for only a moment. Then he reached up with his free hand, holding Alex’s face delicately. He brought the knife to his own throat, running the tip over the skin and then opening a small wound. He flicked the knife closed and turned his head to the side again.

Michael watched Alex as he pulled his head in to his neck. Alex checked his eyes, looking for any hint that he didn’t want this.

“Are you sure?” he whispered.

“Yes. My life is yours.”

Alex leaned forward, kissing his jaw a couple times. He felt his own blood pooling on his tongue. He moved down and hovered over the still bleeding wound for a moment before pressing his tongue against it. Michael’s hand flew up to scratch at his back. Alex moaned as he let his lips completely cover the wound. He bit gently around the area and Michael’s nails bit into him.

Visions flashed through his mind…

Him and Michael. Bodies burning as they moved together.

Michael drinking from his wrist.

Alex, teeth prominent and sinking into Michael’s shoulder.

Both of them with glowing eyes.

Fighting.

Living…

Both as vampires.

One of Michael’s hands grabbed at his hair, holding his mouth to his throat. Alex’s hips grinding against Michael’s only moved faster as he stroked them both with his free hand. Michael moaned loudly as the blood slipped down Alex’s throat.

His mark was insisting on the roles being reversed in a different way. Michael’s blood ran through his system, overtaking everything. The fire in his veins demanded a change. Something to cool it. To complete the transition.

Alex pulled away, panting and capturing Michael’s mouth instead. They tasted each other, no clear distinction of who was who anymore.

Then Michael was pushing him back and standing from the bed. It was as though time slowed as he watched Michael. He hadn’t even finished taking a breath before Michael was back on the bed with a bottle of lube, pulling Alex on top of him again.

But he had seen every step he took. Every flex of his back and arms as he opened drawers. It was less than a second of time but his eyes were sharper now. He could pick out the individual flecks of gold hidden under the glowing red of Michael’s eyes.

Their lips came together again and Alex could only whimper at how sweet Michael tasted. He tasted like sex and the smell of rain only enhanced it. They could have been in a forest covered in damp moss and Alex wouldn’t have known.

Michael’s fingers slid over his hole, the coolness of the lube a shock to his overheated body. His fingers slipped in easily. Two stretching him comfortably as he groaned against Michael’s lips. He felt him smile as he moved inside him slowly but with purpose. He pressed against the sweet spots of his walls and Alex’s cock could only throb in response.

“You saw what I wanted right? How badly I want to keep you with me forever?”

“Forever is a long time,” Alex teased, breathy and desperate. He pushed himself back on Michael’s fingers.

“I’ll just keep finding more ways to want you.”

Michael pressed against his prostate and Alex yelled out as pre-cum leaked from the tip of his cock. He swallowed his moans as he kissed him again. Michael’s fingers scissoring him open as he rolled his hips in time with his strokes.

Alex’s whole body was shaking by the time Michael removed his fingers. Their kisses had turned sloppy and desperate. Biting and licking at the other’s lips. Michael grabbed Alex’s hips, adjusting him so he was positioned over his own member.

“Head back. Hands on my shoulders,” he ordered. He began to pull Alex down so the head of his cock pressed against his entrance. Alex moaned and tipped his head back, turning it to the side slightly to expose his mark. He gripped Michael’s shoulders to stop his hands from shaking.

Then Michael was at his throat, pressing kisses and sucking more bruises into his skin. He pulled Alex down more so he slipped past his rim. Alex moaned and tried to sink down faster but Michael held him steady.

“I love you,” tumbled from his mouth, like he couldn’t control his words anymore. He whispered it again and again, with every new kiss Michael pressed into his skin.

It was when Michael finally sank his fangs into his mark that he was pulled down fully onto him. He choked out a whine and moan as he dug his nails into Michael’s skin. His venom raced through his body. More visions danced across his eyes. Visions of him and Michael far into the future and exploring the world together.

Turn me… Please… turn me so I can spend forever with you.

Michael gripped his hips and lifted him slightly before pulling him back down. Alex gasped as his legs shook. Michael repeated the motion but faster, the head of his cock rubbing roughly against Alex’s prostate. Alex’s hips jerked and he grinded himself down.

Michael’s groan vibrated on his skin. He licked the wounds closed and met Alex’s lips as he turned his head to face him again. They panted against each other, Michael controlling the speed of his hips as he bounced on him.

“I love you.... I love you… turn me,” Alex gasped out. Michael whined and groaned, dragging his hands from his waist and up his back. He yanked Alex against him, his own hips jerking up as Alex was sinking down. Alex cursed and grabbed the headboard as his head fell to Michael’s shoulder.

“Not yet. Be patient.”

Alex groaned as his cock rubbed against Michael’s abs. He teetered on the edge but Michael kept him from moving too fast. He bit into his shoulder, earning another jerk of his hips right into his sweet spot.

“I’m so close. I need more, please,” he begged. Suddenly Michael’s hands vanished from his back and were pulling his face up to rest against his forehead.

“Take what you need. And don’t stop until I fill you up.” Alex let out a shaky sigh as he was given full control of the pace.

The headboard knocked against the wall as he lifted himself and sank back down until he was as deep as he could go. He shuddered as every curve of him hit all the right places. His hips rolled and learned the rhythm to push him closer to the edge.

Then Michael started matching his pace with thrusts of his own. Harder and harder as their moans and gasps grew louder. Alex moaned out his name as the creaks of the bed only spurred him on.

Michael whispered hot encouragement against his lips. Taunts and dirty words. Heat coiled down and Alex stumbled forward, kissing Michael roughly. He gripped the headboard tighter and grinded down against Michael, his rhythm breaking with every downstroke.

“I love you, Alex.”

Michael grabbed his hips, moving him faster than he could manage on his own. Alex groaned loudly as his orgasm rushed at him full speed. His legs shook as cum spurt out between them. Michael kept him moving as the last of his fluids ran down the length of him. His moans were broken as overstimulation kicked in.

His cock twitched as Michael’s own gasps and moans filled his ears. Michael shoved himself in to the base a final time as he started pulsing inside Alex. The warmth was enough to make Alex grind down even though he was spent.

Alex collapsed against him, breathing in his scent. Michael rocked him slowly as he came down from his orgasm. He could feel the liquid leaking around his rim but couldn’t bring himself to move from his place.

Eventually, Michael started tracing mindless patterns on his skin. But even that couldn’t distract from the pain in his knees for long. As though reading his mind, Michael wrapped an arm around Alex’s waist and slid them both into a lying down position.

Alex laid fully on top of Michael, using his chest as a pillow. He listened to his steady heartbeat and he could have fallen asleep to its rhythm.

“My blood is in your system. It won’t fade for a few days. So don’t you dare die. Understand me?” Alex adjusted so he was resting his chin on his hands. He smiled sweetly at Michael.

“I promise.” Michael ran a gentle hand through his hair, brushing it off his forehead.

“I want to be the one to turn you when the time is right. But I want you to think it over more.”

Alex was confident that he wouldn’t change his mind. He wanted this. Michael was the only one he would ever want. They were made for each other and nothing could convince him otherwise.

“Caber will smell me on you. Tell him I’ll come for you. That might distract him enough to give your team extra time.”

“I said I didn’t want you anywhere near this,” Alex started to argue.

“I have to be nearby Alex. I won’t interfere and Isobel and Max will be with me. I wouldn’t forgive myself if I let you do this and you died.” Alex watched his eyes and the way the never wavered away from him.

“Ok.” A surprised look crossed his face but then he nodded. “And I’m already sure of what I want. I don’t need to think about it anymore.” Michael gave a half laugh and pulled Alex in for a soft kiss. “I love you more than anything else in the world.” A blush dusted over Michael face as he smiled.

Everything was going to be fine.

#malex fanfiction #malex vampire au #roswell new mexico fic #michael guerin/alex manes #michael guerin #alex manes #malex #malex fic

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queen-of-my-goofball-army · 3 years

Text

Glittering Prizes And Endless Compromises (shatter the illusion of integrity)

Hi everyone! This is my latest one shot that I have taken a small detour in doing. I have decided to change my mind on my Sk8 The Infinity fic and instead shrunk Haru and Sakura's ages. This is post-series and I thought that it would be cute to do Sakura x Miya. I hope that you all enjoy this fic! I have the song list if anybody is interested as well.

Haru: Thirty Three by the Smashing Pumpkins.

Miya: Limelight by Rush

Sakura: Spirit of Radio by Rush

The sun shone through my window in the early morning and I instantly rolled over softly hissing at the idea that it was way too early for anybody to be awake. It was a big day for me though. Today was the tryouts for the professional skateboarding team. It was time for me to show that I was worthy of Miya’s love and affection. I knew that I could do something really special with my board and my love of Rush. So I themed my skate around my favorite song. Very few skaters actually skateboarded to music it was seen as a distraction and something that brought them out of the experience. For me though, music grounded me and it reminded me that I wasn’t in front of a hundred different people. I loved performing through skateboarding to me that’s what it was. It was a way of expressing the way that I felt about a handful of things but mainly about the way that my favorite band made me feel. The different emotions that lyrics brought to me through skating. I slowly rolled out of bed and grabbed my skating gear that I would wear today. Reki had apparently made a brand new board that was special for this day. I had no idea what he was planning on doing but I willed myself to just be surprised. Putting on my FullMetal Alchemist themed hoodie I remembered why I was doing this.

“I’m doing this to prove to Miya that he doesn’t have to do this alone. I’ll always be there for him to support him and catch him if he ever happens to fall. This isn’t a battle that he has to fight alone. I want to make him happy. In order to show him that I can this is what I need to do.” I tied my hair into a braid and tossed it over my shoulder with a small smile on my face. I looked over at the picture frame that was on my desk of Miya and I when he was first teaching me how to skate. It brought a smile to my face every time that I saw it.

“I love you Miya, so much. Today I’m finally going to tell you just how much. I don’t care that you don’t like me back, all I want to do is prove myself worthy of your love and affection. This is more for me than it is for anything else.” I encouraged myself with a bright smile on my face. I tied my high tops around my ankles and put my headphones around my neck.

“Sakura?” My brother looked up at me from down the hallway and I waved to him tentatively coming closer to him.

“What are you doing up moron? You have a big today too if you want to skate and get yourself a spot of the Japanese Nationals team.” I told him lightly and he just hugged me tightly to him. I stiffened in surprise. I was usually the type to hug my brother not the other way around. Even then it was rare that he would hug me back preferring to keep me at arms length as of late.

“I love you Sakura…” He reminded me and I felt tears come to my eyes at the admission. He truly did love me I could tell. For as much as we fought and bickered I knew that I would never have anybody in my life quiet like my younger brother.

“I love you Haru. Where’s this coming from?” He showed me his board and I smiled softly at my signature that looked really frayed and choppy.

“I just was looking at my board and saw your signature there from when we were kids. I miss those days.” I smiled softly at my brother and he hugged me tightly. I hummed under my breath the song that usually got my brother back to sleep.

“Were you listening to Thirty-Three as well? It’s too early for you to be awake officially idiot. Get back to bed.” He just sighed against me with a small smile on his face. I carded my fingers through his green curls humming the Smashing Pumpkins song that I knew got my brother through the day. Where I had grown up loving Rush, my brother took a shine to the band that our mom had skated to as a teenager. It always made me laugh when I thought about my mom skating to screaming heavy metal music.

“I was. I woke up from a nightmare and had to go to take a leak.” I pushed my brother away from me playfully gagging.

“God you are the most disgusting pig that I’ve ever met. I’ve got to get going. I wanted to get an early skate session in before dad makes breakfast. Knowing him we’ll be having a full course meal when I come back. You try and get some sleep seaweed brain.” I teased lightly ruffling his seaweed colored hair and he just chuckled a little bit at me.

“I’ll try to go back to bed. Good luck skating, be safe out there and don’t get hurt. I know that you’ll be alright sis. It’s just a reflexive response.” I pulled my headphones on over my ears seeing the sun barely rising in the sky. It was so early that the rest of the world was still asleep like I should have been. I went through my playlist knowing that Geddy Lee would get me awake and moving.

“Begin the day with a friendly voice a companion unobtrusive plays that song that’s so elusive and the magic music makes your mornin’ mood…” I could always count on the beautiful lyrics of Rush to call out to me like an old friend wrapping me up in a warm embrace and reminding me of how much I loved music. I skated to the song pulling out all my tricks that I would be doing for today’s show outside of the shop. There was something really specific that this song in particular meant to me. It was about childhoods spent in long car ride with my dad as he introduced me to the band that changed his teenage years. It inspired me to go out there and change the world through the beautiful song lyrics that I had grown up hearing. Geddy’s voice called me to like no other ever had and it had me tearing up now that I was older.

“Man it’s too early for me to start crying…” I heard my phone buzz and I took my phone out of my backpack that I was skating with. It was an early morning text from Miya.

Miya: Turn around, your music is too loud. I’ve been calling you for the last three minutes. I whipped my head around seeing the familiar green and purple cat hoodie and the boy that had the most beautiful sea green eyes that I had ever seen.

“You nervous?” He asked me and I nodded my head. He parked his board next to me bumping his shoulder with mine.

“Sakura if anybody is even close to my level it’s you. You’re going to amaze so many people out there today just by showing them what you’re made of.” He reminded me with a light smile on his face when I nodded my head with a small smile.

“I’m not just doing this because I want to beat you Miya. There’s another reasoning behind it. I’ll tell you about it later. Just know that I’m going to do the best that I can. My brother is too, he’s been skating a lot recently. He still hasn’t told me what to just like I haven’t told you what I’m doing for my song. Are you finally ready to spill your beans?” I stretched my arms over my head and I saw the small smirk on my best friend’s face.

“That is for me to know and you to find out later this afternoon. I think I have a good idea of what your brother is doing, how is he?” I nodded my head smiling softly thinking about the softness that he had when he hugged me earlier.

“He’s good! He hugged me this morning, I think that he’s just really excited about today. He hasn’t hugged me a lot lately. I wish that I could make everything better for him just by magic. Give him the body that he’d be the most comfortable in and maybe then he’d hug me more…” Miya put his arm around my shoulders and the scent of apple and deodorant came over me that I had loved since I was eleven years old. I was fourteen now and I still couldn’t think of a better scent to wrap myself up in.

“He’ll open up to you it’s just that well as you often call him he’s an idiot. Speaking of idiots, are you sure about letting Reki make you a new board for today that you have never in your life skated on?” I laughed a little bit at my best friend.

“I’m positive about it, I trust him. I know that he’ll make a board that I’m able to skate with. I’ve had this one for the last three years anyway and it’s looking pretty bumbish at this point.” I joked and picked up my Beauty And The Beast board.

“Do you think that this one will be Rush themed? That would be really cool and it would suit you in some degree. Your a misfit and they are the band for misfits.” I smiled softly at the support that my best friend had always given me to pursue my interests.

“It would be amazing if that’s what he came out with but at this point I have no idea since he wants for it to be a surprise. You’ve had your board for even longer than I’ve had mine. When are you going to trade up?” I teased lightly and he just gasped playfully at me clutching his board tighter to him as if I would wretch it from his hands.

“I would never give up my baby like that.” I rolled my ruby eyes playfully at him shaking my head at his ridiculousness.

“Fine, be an overdramatic baby for all I care. I’m just trying to be useful.” Miya looked at me with a small smile on his face lightly leaning against my side.

“You are useful Sakura. This isn’t about that at all it’s about you trying to just make small talk. You only do that with me when you’re really nervous about something and you don’t want to talk about your feelings because they’re too big for you to handle.” I looked down at my high top sneakers not expecting to have woken up this morning to be totally called out.

“You want to tell me what’s really wrong with you? If you don’t want to tell me then that’s fine. You’ll tell me eventually and I don’t want to start a fight with you today.” Miya argued and I felt the color drain from my face.

“It’s just, there’s this person that I really like. But at the same time I feel like I have to push myself to feel like I’m worthy of them. Because why would somebody as incredible as they are want to be with somebody like me?” My best friend slowly stopped walking next to me and I turned around to look at him.

“It’s Kayla, isn’t it?” In my head, my brain was laughing hysterically. Kayla was one of my friends that I had met through band, she was an electric guitarist and I was a bass guitarist. I basically saw her as the Alex Lifeson to my Geddy Lee so to me this was the funniest shit ever at three in the morning.

“You don’t know them, it’s not Kayla. Geez, she’s basically my sister don’t be gross. I met them in my art class.” I lied through my teeth and Miya looked at me with one skeptically raised eyebrow. I had always sucked at lying to my best friend.

“But you flirt with Kayla all the time…” I cocked my head to the side thinking about the relationship that I had with my friend from my band class.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about she’s basically the Alex to my Geddy.” My best friend caught up to me and I could see the sprinkles of doubt in those eyes that I held so dearly.

“Don’t they flirt too even though they’re both straight?” I laughed at my best friend bumping my hip with his.

“Well they’re mostly just a super open friendship where they can admit that they love each other than insist that one of them is an idiot five seconds later. Seriously, you don’t know them. I never talk about them with you because I thought that you would mock me for it. They’re a cartoonist in my art class that I’m taking.” Miya sighed heavily running a hand through his dark black hair with a small frown on his face.

“What’s their name?” His voice took on that sad tone that I knew all too well when he would talk about his own parents.

“It’s Jacob. He’s a transfer student from America.” It wasn’t a complete lie, there was a transfer student in my art class who was from America. However, I had barely talked with apart from acknowledging that we were both interested in the same types of art. Due to my just in general social awkwardness it was rare for me to talk to anybody other than Kayla or Miya. I only talked with Kayla because she talked with me first when she realized that I was playing Fly By Night.

“You told me a little bit about him, he draws the superheroes right? I think you should go for it Sakura. Anybody in the whole world would be lucky to call you their girlfriend. Do you know if he likes Rush? I happen to know for a fact that not liking Rush is a relationship deal breaker for you.” I couldn’t help but laugh at my best friend.

“It is not a relationship deal breaker for me! It’s just something that I look for. I love music and I like to talk about it probably way more than I should. But that’s only because the two friends that I have were adamant about either getting into it or already knew it when I met them. I don’t know if he knows Rush. I don’t know a lot about him. It’s mostly a crush from afar and I don’t know how to talk to him.” Miya just looked at me skeptically.

“Sakura Nanjo, the most popular girl in our middle school class, voted kindest girl, doesn’t know how to talk to somebody? Not buying it.” He mentioned as an afterthought and I sighed heavily pulling my hood up past my pink hair.

“Well better start buying it, I’m socially awkward at the best of times. I’m just nice there’s nothing really all that special or unique about being nice.” My best friend stopped walking and looked over at me thumbing over my cheeks.

“Just try talking to him about what he’s interested in. I know that you can do it Sakura. I feel like the two of you will have a lot in common. Do you want to talk about something else?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. Miya supported his arm around my shoulders with a small smile on his face.

“Yes please.” My best friend got out his phone so that he could show me something that he had found to make me laugh.

“Do you remember when I told you that my old friend was starting to talk to me again? He hasn’t been on a board in over three years and this is what happened.” I laughed softly at the image in front of me at the boy that my best friend had told me had hurt him so badly in the past.

“How is that going by the way? I’m really happy that you managed to make a friend other than little ol me.” I teased lightly pinching his cheek and he just swatted my hand away playfully hissing at me like a small cat.

“Don’t discredit yourself Sakura. You’re an amazing best friend who changed everything for me. I know that you wanted to make better friends with Kayla due to your shared love of a certain progressive rock band that basically stole your heart. It’s actually going good, he’s coming out today to watch us skate.” I smiled softly at my best friend who had been there for me pretty much since he met me.

“I’m glad to see that he’s trying. I know that what he said and did really hurt you even if you didn’t talk about it with me a lot of the time. I got used to it eventually and knew that you’d come to me whenever you had problems that you needed to talk about.” I reminded him lightly and he just snuggled against my side with a small smile on his face.

“Your forgetting, I’m friends with you because you make good food and you have good taste in music.” I rolled my eyes lightly with a fond chuckle.

“Well nice to know that you’re best friends with me because of my wonderful personality you piece of shit.” I ruffled his black hair the familiar feeling of the soft strands wanted to make me bury my hands in there and just never leave.

“Nah your personality is hot garbage and you yell a lot I think I’m good.” He hugged me even tighter to him and I smiled sadly at him.

“I know I get frustrated and yell a lot. Especially at Haru. I wonder if he blames me for it.” Miya just stopped walking and officially hugged me for the first time that day. He had grown a solid four inches taller than me within the last couple of months and was now able to rest his chin on my head.

“I don’t think that your brother blames you for it in the slightest. I think that he’s just going through a lot and won’t accept help from anybody other than himself. He struggles a lot with the transitioning period and I did research and saw that a lot of people who are transitioning especially as harshly as he is that they struggle with depression, body dysphoria, and anxiety.” I nodded my head with a sad smile on my face thinking all that my brother had to struggle with.

“Why did you look that up?” I asked him and he just thumbed a lock of my pink hair into my braid with a small smile on his face.

“Because he’s your brother and I wanted to know what he was going through so that I could better help you. You’re a really touch affectionate type of person and I think that also makes him just the smallest bit uncomfortable. I was just teasing you when I told you that you yelled a lot. It’s not a bad thing to get annoyed and start yelling. Your mom does the same thing so it’s genetic probably just like his anxiety is for you.” I sighed because he just had to go and try to make this situation logical. I couldn’t help but smile softly at my best friend as he supported me throughout everything. He was always there when I needed for him to be to remind me that I hadn’t messed up too poorly with my brother.

“I don’t mean to get mad at him, I just want to help. But he won’t even let me help him at all… I don’t know what he’s thinking or why he’s doing what he’s doing. We used to be so close and I don’t know when it happened. When he went too far for me to keep up with him.” Miya just pulled back from the hug cupping my cheeks in his warmed gloved palms.

“I know that you just want to help and that you’re scared of one day him not needing you anymore. He might be experiencing self doubt and gender envy because you weren’t humiliated with the body that you have like he was. How did he come out to you again?” I closed my eyes at the familiar memory. It had been just a normal day for me running the restaurant and making sure that people left with full bellies and happy hearts.

“I had been making the bread for that day’s restaurant service. He came out to me first and he just asked me if I ever felt like I wanted to be a boy instead of a girl. I told him no but if he felt that way than I would encourage him. I’ve always just wanted to support him and have him be the best person that he could ever dream to be. But sometimes that’s easier said than done.” Miya put his arm supportively around my shoulders.

“He’ll come to you if he ever needs your help. He probably thinks that asking for help isn’t the “man” thing to do. It wouldn’t surprise me if your idiot brother was getting too sucked into his own head or if he was just sad about something in particular. Has he had a crush lately and been turned down?” I shook my head because as far as I knew my brother had never felt that way about anything. It wouldn’t surprise me if he came out to me again as aroace and told me that he wasn’t interested in relationships at all.

“Not that I know about, he’s always thought that my random crushes that last for like a week were super dumb. He used to tease me all the time about it when we were younger but he hasn’t lately. I’m sure that he’ll come to me when he wants to talk. It wouldn’t surprise me if mom just forces him to talk to us. He hasn’t been talking to him at all either as far as I know.” Miya leaned his dark head against my bright pink hoodie sleeve.

“Well maybe then it’s just something else and he’ll come to you when he feels ready Sakura. You can’t force your brother to talk to you it’s something that he needs to do whenever he feels ready.” He reminded me and I sighed a little bit.

“I know that already. It’s just that I worry about him even though I know that Haru is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. Maybe he’s just been hyper-focused on today more so than you or I.” I still had no idea what my brother was planning on skating to but I knew that he was going to amaze everybody with his rod actual talent.

“You’ve been practicing a lot lately to, more than normal. What’s going on inside that big brain of yours?” He asked me and I shrugged my shoulders trying to maintain my usual picture of nonchalance that I was used to.

“No particular reason I just love boarding that’s all. Making up for last time since I haven’t been able to skateboard for nearly as long as you or Haru has been able to. I’m able to skate because of you and I don’t think that I ever truly thanked you. Thank you Miya.” I thanked my best friend and he just smiled brightly at me.

“I didn’t do really much of anything I just taught you everything that I knew. You were a really fast learner and even learned how to ollie in record time. You mastered that within a month and it was amazing to finally see you soar high above everything else.” I smiled softly at the boy that had come into my life and taught me everything that I would need to know about freestyle skateboarding. The life of a skateboarder was something that I never knew that I would be able to have.

“That’s just because before I actually got on a board I knew all about the mechanics of how it all worked. I’m a natural fast learner but I took to boarding like a fish to water once I was finally able to with these bad boys.” I gestured to my skateboard that I was carrying and I smiled softly at the design. Reki had talked to me about getting the training wheels off of my board so that I could be able to skate like everybody else for the performance today. It was going to be my second surprise for Miya by the end of the day.

“Well yeah you kind of did go above and beyond. Was that for Haru when he was younger?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face.

“It was. Skating has always been his special interest of choice and I was encouraging of it from a young age I just wanted him to be happy. It’s probably going to take a few years for him to be really genuinely happy but that’s still all I want for my brother.” Miya just sighed a little bit running a hand through his black hair.

“Can I come over for breakfast? My parents are having one of their let’s pretend that I don’t exist phases.” I nodded my head looping my arm around my best friend’s shoulders pulling him in closer to my side knowing that was what he needed.

“Course, you don’t need to ask if you can come over for breakfast. My parents are better than yours anyways. You’d think that they’d be more encouraging because you’ve got a big day today. Do they not want you to board anymore or something?” I asked him quizzically and he just shrugged his shoulders with a small sigh.

“Who the fuck knows anymore what my parents want for me to do. At this point I just do whatever and let them deal with the consequences. They’re not going to stop me from boarding even if this doesn’t work out. I think part of it was because they didn’t agree with how I’m doing today’s skate. They told me that I should take it more seriously.” My best friend sighed kicking a rock with his boot clad foot and I could tell that the talk that he had with his parents had gotten to him in some way.

“Did they find out what you were doing before even I did?!” Miya just chuckled softly at me shaking his head at me.

“I told them like an idiot what I had planned to do when they asked. Do your parents not know?” I shook my head making a fifty fifty hand motion.

“I’m sure that they have some idea that it’ll be to Rush since I can’t not skate to them but they haven’t specifically asked me what I’m doing yet.” My best friend just smiled softly at me keeping his head perched on my shoulder.

“What do you want for breakfast?” I asked him and he hummed a little bit from where he was rested against me.

“Frittata maybe?” I nodded my head since that was the perfect weekend brunch breakfast for when we had company over.

“Might have to stop at the grocery store then. I’m not sure that I have everything that I need to do for that. What kind of sides do you want? Fruit salad?” He nodded his head and I heard a soft mutter of house potatoes against my shoulder.

“You got it hun, come on. Let’s race to the store.” I got a head start on my board and heard the call of hey that’s not fair coming up from behind me as I started my playlist again. Trees was one of my favorite Rush songs because it was calming but at the same time energizing and invigorating. I saw the store up ahead and I rounded the corner seeing Miya coming up just behind me and he quickly cut me off just before I got there.

“You son of a bitch I was literally so close…” I whined getting out my phone and seeing that my mom had texted me.

Mom: Darling, your father wants to know if you are still making breakfast. There isn’t a whole lot of food at the house and considering that you are already out for the morning could you please do the weekly shopping for us? I’ll pay you back and then some. I smiled softly tilting my phone up and taking a screenshot of the market.

Me: Already here mom! Miya is coming back with me for breakfast today. He wants a frittata, home fries and I might make a watermelon salad. Miya just smirked a little bit at me seeing that I was texting my mom.

“Is it okay with Cherry that I come with you?” I smiled softly shaking my head at my best friend running a hand through my fringe.

“Of course it is, I don’t even need to ask him anymore. He already treats you like you’re his second son. Come on dummy, let’s get the shopping done.” I lightly hit his shoulder in retaliation for saying such a stupid and ridiculous thing.

“Do you want watermelon salad? It’s watermelon season so if you want that I can make that.” He nodded his head and I grabbed a cart quickly wiping it down.

“This might take a little while since I have to do the weekly shopping. Did you bring your switch?” He nodded his head and I saw the familiar red and blue portable gaming console in his hands.

“What kind of protein do you want in your frittata?” I asked my best friend and he handed me thick cut bacon and I couldn’t help but smile at him.

“But bacon makes you fat Miya…” I lightly teased and he just rolled his eyes at me with a small smirk holding the item way too far over my head.

“I like the way that you make it. You can make just about anything and I’ll eat it and then some. I’m not the same skinny kid that I used to be.” My heart melted and I couldn’t help but smile at my childhood friend.

“I know babe, I’m just messing with you. I’m sorry if that joke was a step too far. Come on, help me pick out a watermelon. Remember the way that I taught you?” He nodded his head and led me over to the summer fruit as he rapped his knuckle light on top of it.

“This one sounds good.” He handed me the big fruit and I lightly tapped it hearing the juicy sound and I nodded my head.

“Good find, I just need cucumber and then some feta for my watermelon salad! I have all the herbs at home in our kitchen garden.” My dad insisted on growing his own spices for the restaurant so we had a small greenhouse in our kitchen.

“Do you want anything else in your breakfast?” I asked the boy and he went off to the vegetables coming back with mushrooms, spinach and grape tomatoes. He also did me a favor and grabbed me some potatoes and onions.

“Good job! This will be delicious, come on, now to do the rest of the weekly shopping. I’ll also stop at the bakery for some fresh bread. I didn’t have enough time to make any lately. I know it’s not the same as mine though…” I whined and my best friend put his arm around my shoulders with a small smile on his face.

“It’s fine if you didn’t have enough time to bake lately. Baking bread takes a lot of time but the bakery stuff is still delicious. There’s just something special about your bread specifically that I love. Probably because it comes from you and I love you.” I felt my cheeks flush a bright pink as I just pushed the cart ahead of me. I checked my phone seeing that my mom had sent me a list and I quickly took care of everything that was on it.

“That’s everything, we can head to the bakery and then home James.” I joked and my best friend just smiled softly at me. When we checked out he took the heaviest bags as per the usual before I could even stop him.

“I can carry stuff on my own I hope you know.” I reminded him and he just picked up his board putting his hoodie down his inky black hair all in disarray from being inside of his hoodie for so long.

“I know that you can it’s just that you don’t need to carry it. I want to be useful to you and this is the only way that I can think of to be helpful.” He wants to be useful to me? Just like I want to be useful to him? Why was I having a hard time believing that.

“Fine do what you want but I can help you carry that watermelon. It has to be heavy.” He shook his head at me balancing it on one arm.

“I have been trying to bulk up a bit more mostly to get better at skating. Not like your dad or anything he’s a bit ridiculous.” I laughed at the idea of Miya looking anything like my dad shaking that image from my head.

“I think he’s the only one who could pull off the muscly himbo aesthetic. I love my dad he’s the best but that is not my type. It’s just my mom’s type.” I laughed a little bit at the idea of the two of them together walking down the road next to one of the most important people in my life.

“I admire both of your parents in very different ways. They’re both amazing people and they raised two of the most amazing kids possible despite the fact that they were working and boarding the entire time.” I smiled softly since a lot of people didn’t give my parents the credit that they deserved for raising my brother and me.

“You’re right and you should say it louder for the people in the back. Did you catch the last episode of Demon Slayer?” I had gotten him hooked on the demon hunting anime and he nodded his head with a bright smile on his face.

“It was really, really awesome. It’s such a good show! It’s kind of like if FullMetal was about demons instead of about science.” I snapped my fingers with a bright smile on my face. My best friend was always really good at noticing the similarities of certain things. Especially manga and anime.

“Especially when you consider the fact that they both were manga’s made by biological women! Even though Gotogue identifies as nonbinary. I still think it’s wicked awesome! More people other than men writing manga we love to see it.” I joked and my best friend just laughed a little bit for my bad joke. Talking about everything and nothing was always easy with Miya. I loved hearing his opinions about the things that had captured my interest. Whether that be a Rush song, a chapter of manga that I was obsessing over, a show that had stolen my heart I introduced them all to him and he always listened to me. It was one of those things that I loved about him the most.

“I mostly just started it because you were so passionate about it. That’s pretty much why I get interested in anything these days other than boarding.” I felt my cheeks color a bright pink as I walked next to the boy that had stolen my heart with one single look of his sea green eyes against my ruby ones.

“Wh-What?” I stuttered out in surprise and he just sighed a little bit looking out at the world around him. He shook his head with a small smile on his face rubbing the back of his neck.

“Don’t worry about it Sakura, it’s nothing. I promise you I’m fine I guess I’m just really getting hungry.” I laughed a little bit at him since that made all the sense in the world. I waved him behind me as he walked.

“The bakery where I buy the bread for the upstairs is this way. It’s the closest thing that is to my baking but mom usually won’t let me bake the bread that we eat. He told me once that it was too much work for me to be doing simply for our family to eat when it’s just as good from a local bakery. And it’s supporting a small business which he’s always encouraged.” He took my hand in his and I felt my face flush a flaming bright pink so grateful that he was behind me and couldn’t see it.

“Your bread does take you forever to make but that’s why I love to keep you company while you’re making it after school.” I couldn’t help but grin at the memory of him sitting at the bar while I worked on making the bread for he customers that night. When he was first getting into Rush I would play individually because that’s how I got interested in them. Then I started to play his favorites. Those early days of him simply sitting there and enjoying my music were ones that I looked back on with fondness.

“That’s why dad told me that I should just work Monday’s on bread and that I should make four times the recipe so that he could bake it throughout the week keeping it fresh. He also decided that he should give out much smaller baskets.” Miya squeezed my hand softly as I stopped in front of a traffic light and I looked ahead of me.

“Can we get a fruit tart as well?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. I knew that my dad was planning on baking strawberry shortcake tonight but my best friend loved fruit tarts and he was nearly impossible for me to say no to.

“You can pick it out while I’m doing my bread thing okay?” I held the door open for him since I was ahead of my best friend and he instantly went rushing for the bakery case. I went over to the bread with a small smile at him taking a picture of the bright smile that was on my best friend’s face texting it to my mom.

Me: We’re at the bakery now! He’s getting a fruit tart for our dessert for brunch. I know that dad promised a strawberry shortcake but we’ll get plenty of exercise today. My mom sent me back a series of teary eyed emojis.

Mom: Have you asked him out yet or will that be done later? I felt a trickle of panic go sousing through me.

Me: How did you know that I was planning on asking him out?!

Mom: Sweetie, I’m your mother I know these things. I know that you are terrified of losing him but you won’t and he’ll still love you no matter what.That boy has been enamored with you since he was a smart mouthed 11 year old. I put my phone away so that my best friend would be no wiser as to what I was talking about with my mom. I grabbed the bread that I wanted three loaves of it and went up to pay for it at the front counter while my best friend was staring at the pastries.

“Do you want cream puffs or fruit tart?” I asked my best friend and he pointed to the nectarine fruit tart. I smiled softly at him nuzzling against him.

“Can I have the nectarine fruit tart please?” The worker smiled softly at the two of us and wrapped up the tart that I wanted.

“Of course! You’re both extremely cute together. It’s nice to see young lovers together.” I felt my cheeks flush a bright pink and I wanted to protest.

“We’re just friends ma’am it’s cute though that you would think that we were dating.” Miya explained a little bit to her. The woman’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment as she sputtered out apologizes.

“No worries we get that a lot but I’m just super clingy with her. I can’t help it, if you were my age wouldn’t you be?” I felt my cheeks stain a bright pink color but I couldn’t help but positively melt under the affection of my best friend.

“There you cuties go! Good luck today!” She encouraged the two of us and I picked up the tart Miya picking up my bread and putting it into his bags from the grocery store.

“Have a nice day!” I waved to the bakery owner with a bright smile on my face. Miya looked over at me and I cocked my head to the side.

“What’s up?” I asked him and he looked at the hair that I had tied back into a braid on my left side of my face.

“Your hair is getting longer, I was just noticing how beautiful it looked in this lighting. I think that it just looked really pretty and I wanted to tell you how pretty it looked.” I flushed a bright pink lightly shoving my best friend’s side little bit.

“Stop it you big flirt, you’ve been hanging out with my dad too much it’s starting to mess with your brain.” I mocked and he just sighed a little bit looking at me with one black raised eyebrow at me.

“I’m being genuine that’s not being flirty Sakura. Your dad’s compliments to your mom are always genuine.” I looked down at my sneakers that I had put on earlier. I didn’t know what to do whenever Miya flirted with me because it was a rare occurrence but whenever it did happen I wound up wanting to both treasure the moments and bury myself into a hole.

“I never know what to do when you flirt with me hun it’s so embarrassing…” Miya laughed at me a little bit poking lightly at my cheek.

“That’s why I do it to see how you react. Do you think that you can help me study for the history exam tomorrow?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. I always helped him to study for tests whenever he asked me.

“Of course, you don’t even have to ask me I always will. History is one of my better subjects too. I might not be a very gifted writer or calligrapher like my brother but he sucks at history.” My best friend laughed openly at my bickering relationship with my younger brother by five minutes.

“You both have your strengths and weaknesses. It’s why it’s fascinating being friends with both of you since are so different.” I smiled softly at my best friend as I walked next to him. The walk back home was spent in comfortable silence. Miya was one of the few people that I didn’t need to talk to in order to feel comfortable with him. He held the door open to Sia De Luce for me and I smiled up at my best friend.

“Thank you, alright time to make the grub for the fam.” We walked up the stairs together and I heard my family talking from the kitchen.

“We’re back and I’ve brought the other slacker!” I toed off my sneakers and Miya muttered softly I am not a slacker causing me to laugh and ruffle his dark hair.

“You did help me to carry the groceries that’s more than Haru.” I teased lightly hearing my brother’s call from the kitchen table.

“I carry the freaking groceries!” He fought back at me and I put the food items that I would need for my breakfast. “Morning beautiful flower.” My dad kissed my forehead standing above me to get mugs for coffee. My mom hugged me with a small smile on his face.

“Morning sweetheart, hello there Miya.” My mom waved to our shirt member of the family who was relaxing on the couch.

“Hi Kaoru, thank you for having me.” My mom kissed his forehead lightly with a small smile on his face. My dad made his coffee and brought it over to him with a gentle kiss.

“Of course it’s always nice to have you over. Did your parents and you get into another fight?” Miya leant against my mom’s side when he put his arm around his shoulder’s.

“Yeah they’re not a fan of me right about now. I stupidly told them that I was skating to music when they asked me what I was planning. So it’s been a lot of fighting with them lately. I wanted to stay away from them this morning so it was lucky running into Sakura.” I smiled softly at my best friend getting a mug of hot chocolate to my best friend on the coach.

“It’s not your fault that you told them what you were thinking about doing. If anything it’s your parents fault for getting pissed at you for no reason. I skated to music all the time when I was your age. It’s how I got into Rush.” My dad reasoned sitting next to my mom as he leaned his head against my dad’s shoulder. I went over to my brother to make sure that he got more sleep.

“Did you go back to sleep Haru?” I asked him looking at my brother to make sure that he was telling me the truth.

“I did don’t worry about me. I’ll be able to skate perfectly fine without falling off of my board.” I smiled softly at my brother ladling him up some hot chocolate and adding the fresh whip cream and cinnamon on top just the way that he liked it when he wanted to spoil himself.

“I was just making sure hun because you looked pretty ragged when I ran into you this morning. Are you… okay? You know that you can talk to me if you ever need to. I’m here for you.” I squeezed his shoulder and he looked down his green curls in front of his face.

“I’ve just been going through a lot on my own and I don’t need any help with it. I can handle shit on my own.” He went up and went over to the living room and I buried my head in my hands feeling tears come to the corners of my eyes. What was I doing wrong? Why couldn’t I be a better older sister? One that he can trust and lean on. I heard a soft pitter-patter of footsteps and a warm arm go around my shoulders as I was pulled into my mother’s side.

“Carla, play Sakura’s Best Of Rush Playlist on shuffle.” He told the AI that we kept on the table when he wasn’t skating.

“Of course master, playing Sakura’s Best of sparkle Rush sparkle Playlist.” I couldn’t help but chuckle softly at the fact that the AI pronounced the emojis instead of just leaving them out like anybody else would.

“Your brother does love you Sakura. It’s just that you know that he needs to figure things out on his own sometimes. He wants you to be proud of him. That has always been the goal that he strives for. That’s why he’s been pushing himself so hard lately. He wanted you to be proud of him today that’s why he shut himself off from you. He has also just started taking T on the doctor’s requirements and she warned him that it could make him become irritable and moody. I assume that he’s taking it out on you because you don’t hate your body the way that he does. I’d recommend just letting him work through his issues and remember that he does love you. I love you Sakura. You’ve made me very proud of you not just today but everyday.” He reminded me lightly thumbing over my nose with a small smile on his face. I closed my eyes at the feeling of my favorite band coming over me.

“I know but he told me that he would try not to get angry at me for no reason because he knows that I’ll wind up fearing that it something that I had done.” He kissed my forehead with a small smile on his face thumbing over my knuckles.

“Just wait until you see him skate today and the decide whether or not your brother hates you okay? Do you need anything from me?” I shook my head and Miya peaked his head into the kitchen pressing his index fingers together lightly.

“Can I keep you company Sakura?” I looked at my best friend skeptically wondering if he had heard the conversation between my brother and I from the living room.

“I think that’s a lovely idea Miya. I am going to try and talk to my wayward son and help him figure out why he’s so angry.” I stood up from the kitchen chair that I was sitting on and my best friend took my hand in his pulling me into a tight hug.

“He’s not mad at you Sakura, it’s just an alternative reaction from the T…” He reminded me the same thing that my mom had just told me.

“But what if he is mad at me? He has every right to be if he is angry at something that I did. I’ve messed up so many times, I always yell at him when he’s had a bad day, I’m a bad sister…” Miya just lightly shushed me hugging me even closer to me.

“You are not a bad sister. You’re the best sister in the entire world and Haru couldn’t have thought of a better one even if he wanted to. He loves you it’s just the hormones that he’s adjusting to getting him into a bad spot and a serious case of gender envy. Didn’t he recently get onto the boys basketball team for high school?” I nodded my head and my best friend just rubbed soothing motions into my back with a small smile on his face.

“Then that would explain some things, he’s around biological males all the time now and he’s getting all pissy because he wants to be one so badly. But he knows that he isn’t hence the gender envy thing. He’ll apologize to you in his own special way and it’ll remind you that your brother always has your back.” Miya pulled back from the hug drying my tears with the pads of his fingers lightly. He got me a cup of hot chocolate putting whip and rainbow sprinkles on it.

“Here you go take some deep breaths for me…” He handed me the cup and I followed his instructions taking deep breaths and the warmth of the drink calmed me down instantly.

“What’s first on the itinerary, is it chopping the watermelon? I want to do it!” He exclaimed and I looked at my best friend as he cut into the water melon getting all of it off of the rind.

“Want one?” He asked me stuffing a piece of it into his mouth and the watermelon rind made it into a smile. I couldn’t help but laugh at him as I took my own slice and made my own smile with it.

“I’ll start cutting the vegetables and frying the bacon for the frittata.” My best friend told Carla to turn up the music as he tapped his foot to the familiar drum solo on Limelight his favorite song. I got out a pan and sheeted the bacon on top of it. My dad came into the kitchen and smiled softly at the two of us.

“I was going to see if you needed any help flower but you seem to have everything handled.” He leaned against the kitchen counter and I looked up at him.

“I’ve got it Kojiro, thank you though. I’ll take good care of her.” My dad fluffed Miya’s hair and got the familiar batting away that my best friend gave to him.

“You always do kid that’s why you’re the only guy I’ve ever let hang around my daughter.” I flushed a bright pink and my dad just smirked at me winking in my general direction on his way out.

“Sakura? You okay?” I nodded my head with a nervous smile on my face dusting my shorts around my leggings.

“I’m fine, just my dad being an idiot again. He’s exhausting…” He laughed at me openly his sea green eyes sparkling with enthusiasm.

“Does he really do that with every other boy that comes to the restaurant?” I nodded my head because so many people from my class had come to ask me out. Before I even told them that I wasn’t romantically available my dad would give them the shovel talk and the kick your ass out the door treatment.

“You have no idea he has done it so many times that it’s honestly one of the most annoying things that he does. You wouldn’t believe me I told you and I don’t have any videos. Haru has all of those.” Miya instantly texted my brother and he got several videos back.

“I will definitely be watching those later with a bowl of popcorn.” I sighed heavily. This was the boy that I had decided that I wanted to be good enough for and that I was proving myself for.

“Who’s side are you on here?!” I asked him exasperatedly and he just laughed openly at me lightly hip checking me.

“The side that makes the most jokes at your expense that’s what side I’m on.” I rolled my eyes heavily at my best friend.

“Fine be that way asshole…” Miya looked at me with a worrying expression on his face. He put his arm around my shoulders comfortingly.

“You only call me an asshole when you’re in a bad mood and I push it too far. Do you think that you’re going to be alright? For skating today?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. I heard probably one of my favorite songs from the synthesizer era of Rush and I lightly closed my eyes just letting Geddy’s voice wash over me.

“I’ll be fine thank you for worrying about me though. I know that I can handle this. I’m stressed out and worried about Haru but I think that eventually I’ll make it through. He’ll come to me when he needs me and I’ll try my best to be a good listener and the best older sister that I can.” Miya leaned his head against my shoulder and carefully cubbed the watermelon so that it would fit into the salad slicing the rest into a Tupperware for later use. “

That’s my girl.” I couldn’t help but smile softly past the high blush on my cheeks ignoring the feeling of heartbreak in my chest that reminded me that I wasn’t his anything. I just minced the vegetables in companionable silence with my best friend not sure what to talk about at the moment. I just wanted to enjoy the silence.

“What are your plans for the summer?” Miya asked me and I brushed a lock of pink hair behind my ear with a small smile.

“I have no idea really other than probably seeing you every day because you never leave me alone. I’ll also probably jam with Kayla a lot as well. Other than that we’re not going anywhere special. Last year was a rare occasion.” Last year my family had gone to Italy for a good chunk of our summer break. Miya had whined about it the entire time leading up to the trip.

“That’s good, I was super lonely when you were gone. I know that you had a great time with your family and I didn’t want to stop you from having fun with your family. I just didn’t know what to do with myself.” I smiled softly at my best friend at the fact that I had made such a big impact on his life that he got like this whenever I needed to leave for any length of time.

“Other than the usual festivals and things like that we’re not doing anything special. Trips to the beach as well!” I cheered at the idea of the yearly found family trip to the beach. I hadn’t seen a whole lot of Reki and Langa lately outside of when I visited Dope Sketch.

“Oh geez that’s right summer found family beach trips. Do I have to go? Whenever I do Reki always teases me and I hate it…” I fluffed the back of my best friend’s dark hair with a small smile on my face.

“He only does that because he loves you and he likes to get under your skin Miya. It’s in his nature to be teasing, he does it with me too in case you’ve forgotten. It’s impossible to get away from teasing Reki Kyan.” My best friend sighed muttering fine that he would come and it made me smile that I had managed to convince him.

“Good, now can you hand me the eggs? You’re closer to the fridge than I am.” He handed me the eggs carefully and I cracked the amount that I wanted into the bowl also adding the half n half, bacon that was crispy, and vegetables into the frittata pan.

“Can I ask you something? Do you think that you’re going to do band club again after break?” I nodded my head since I had gotten my offer to come back the other day.

“I got the offer to come back so I’m going to keep coming back as long as they need a bass player and they want for it to be me. I had fun there this last semester. I know that you were waiting there for me until it was all over but you don’t need to do that.” He thumbed the corner of my nose lightly booping it and I just pouted at him.

“I wanted to wait for you and I’m going to continue to do so every day after school. My parents couldn’t care less about me right now and I’d rather wait to spend time with the person who means more to me than anybody else than go home and be ignored.” My heart squeezed at the admission and I looked down at my Disney themed socks nervously.

“Thank you for that. I know that it took a lot of guts to tell me all of that but you’re getting better at being honest about what you’re going through. At least better than me. I’m still trying to shoulder the world and only relying on people when I have to.” Miya just smiled softly at me helping me to pour the egg mixture into the baking pan that I would need cutting the cheese and putting the cubes into the eggs. When the oven dinged he carried the pan over to the oven and scheduled the practiced cooking time.

“I think that you’ve gotten a lot better at taking breaks than when I met you a few years ago. You’re working out the kinks in your problems. Hey it’s Presto!” He cheered with a bright smile on his face and I hummed the familiar tune that I had grown up hearing.

“What a fool I was for you!” I sang along with the iconic lyrics of the song thinking about about how true they really were when it came to my best friend.

“These are some of my favorite lyrics of Neil’s…” He wrapped his arms around my waist resting his chin on my head.

“I love it too, they are really pretty. You comfortable up there?” I asked my best friend who pressed a kiss to the top of my forehead watching the flush down my cheeks.

“Yes I am your hair is a great pillow. It’s insanely soft…” I felt the blush start to travel from my cheeks on downwards and I just shook my head at his ridiculousness. I was used to the goofiness that my best friend exuded and how tactile he was. Once he learned that hugs, cuddles, and just genuine affection were basically considered normal I became attached to his hip.

“Hey Sakura, do you think that you would ever go out with me?” I froze instantly looking up at him feeling my heart lurch at the idea that we were having this talk now when my dad crashed into the room.

“Hope I’m not interrupting anything!!” Miya leapt away from my hair and where he had been clinging onto me and I sent my dad my death glare.

"N-Nope we’re totally fine.” He squeaked and I couldn’t help but chuckle a little bit at him as I chopped the potatoes.

“Have you had any cocoa yet Miya?” I asked him getting a mug for my best friend as he shook his head and I ladled him up a mug topping it with whip cream.

“Anything else?” He reached for the purple sugar dust and I couldn’t help but chuckle lightly at him. Some things would never change, like the fact that he preferred his foods in childish colors. His favorite being the childish purple.

“That’s so good…” He sighed with a small smile on his face. He put his mug next to mine lightly clinking it.

“My dad makes it the best, I’m still learning how to make the perfect hot cocoa. We’ll continue that talk later you asshole. I can’t believe you sometimes. I was going to tell you something after you got onto the Japanese Nationals team and I tried out for it. It’s something that I’ve kept inside of me for a really long time.” He squeezed my hand with a small smile on his face. My favorite of his smiles. The one that was reverence and comfort, it was days spent watching Disney movies as he helped me to pass a level on Pokémon.

“Are you gong to profess your undying love for me?” He teased lightly and I felt the colors go across my cheeks looking down at my socks. Oh you absolute adorable dumbass, you have no idea how much I love you. I just hope that you don’t hate me by the end of the day. The song changed to one that always made me want to sing along with. It was the song that my parents danced to at their wedding when they renewed their vows a few years ago, Closer To Your Heart the lines etched around their ring fingers in tattoos. My dad bolted out of the room probably to go and find my mom and my heart warmed when I saw them dancing in our living room.

“I love them so much…” Miya muttered and I smiled softly at my best friend leaning against his side. I got out my phone so that I could take a video of my dad spinning my mom around.

“They’re the best parents that I could have ever wished to get. They’re basically your parents too since yours suck ass.” He just laughed at me putting his arm around my shoulders with a small smile on his face.

“I’d rather them just be my uncles thanks. That would be creepy. As much as I joked a few years ago about them being my mom and dad. Mine are okay it’s just that I wish that they took the time to know me more than they actually do.” I smiled lovingly at my best friend running my finger around the bridge of his nose booping it lightly. I watched his sea green eyes widened in surprise at the sudden attack when he just laughed at me.

“You can’t sneak up on me like that!” He whined and I laughed at him swatting him with my spatula that had used to cook the vegetables for the frittata.

“You do it to me all the time!” I fought back and he just cackled with laughter, that delicious sound that always lit me up from the inside.

“That’s because you’re usually spacing out when I do it and that’s the only way to possibly bring you back.” He reminded me and I sighed running a hand through my hair with a small smile on my face. These were the moments when I was reminded of how lucky I was. I got to have two amazing parents that loved me and were proud of me at every moment, an amazing brother even if he didn’t want me to help him out, and most of all the most incredible person in the world to call my best friend. Throughout every changing whirlwind Miya was there for me so that I would make it through okay. I was so grateful for him at every turn that he was there for me with a lightly teasing remark.

“I’m sorry about what I said Saki…” My brother’s voice brought the two of us out of bickering match that we had fallen into and I looked over at him with red-rimmed eyes. I knew that my brother was genuinely sorry about what he had said to me and that he didn’t mean it in the long run. The use of my childhood nickname that he rarely used nowadays as a way of talking to me.

“I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself for feeling this anger building up inside of me at every waking moment. The T has been making my emotions act up, it’s been keeping me up at night, that’s not an excuse. You deserve a better brother than me. That’s why I’m going to make you proud when I skate today. I’m not skating to a traditional skating song.” I blinked at him in confusion and he just shook his head with a small smirk on his face.

“That’s the only thing I’m telling you about my skate. You’re not getting anything else out of me and you’re going to have to just wait until this afternoon. I left my post for just a second to hug my brother tightly.

“It’s okay Haru. I know that you’re going through a lot right now that I couldn’t even begin to understand. You’re going to be okay though. You know why?” He shook his head against my shoulder and I just kissed his forehead gently.

“Because I’ll always be there for you. Even when you’re angry with me and you hate me I’ll still be there for you to support you and love you. I know that I yell at you a lot but it’s only because I care about you and I hate being left in the dark about what you’re going through. I’ll try to tone it down a thousand though.” He just laughed softly against my shoulder as I ran my hands through his hair with a small smile on my face.

“Carla, switch to my calming Smashing Pumpkins playlist.” I told the AI sitting on the other side of the counter as the music changed and I just lightly swayed with my brother.

“I love you Sakura. I could never, ever truly hate you. I might say so in a fit of rage against this medication that I’m on now but it will never be genuine.” Haru’s golden eyes looked at me and I saw the rawness and general vulnerability that he usually covered up.

“I know that you couldn’t it’s just that sometimes I hate myself because I feel like I should be a better sister…” He shook his head with a small laugh escaping him. He held me closer to him and I could feel the binder through his shirt.

“I think that I got really lucky. I got the best sister in the entire world. I could only ever love you Saki you’ve worked so hard to make everyone proud of you even if you rain yourself into the ground. I’ll always be here to help even if I can be a bit of a lazy ass when it comes to the restaurant business.” I squeezed my brother tightly. It had been so long since he had last hugged me this tightly and damn if I wan’t going to savor every second of it.

“I love you Haru, so much. You’re my brother and the only one that I’ve got and I want you to remember that I happen to believe that you’re perfect just the way that you are. I want you to remember this always that no matter what you’re older sister, by ten minutes, will always love you.” I threw in the age gap between the two of us to lighten the mood and he just scoffed at me a little bit with a teasing smile on his face.

“You might be older but just because you were born first doesn’t mean that you got all the brains or the good looks.” He joked and I lightly shoved his side with a small laugh looking over at Miya who was holding up his phone.

“I had to record that because you so often over analyze the hell out everything Sakura. This way you’ll have video evidence of your brother saying that he loved you, hugging you, and telling you that you were the perfect big sister.” I looked up at my best friend gratefully when my phone buzzed and I saw the video sitting there.

“Sakura… this is not your fault okay? You aren’t a bad sister just because I keep losing my temper. It’s my fault if anything and I’ve said so many mean things to you…” I lightly ruffled my brother’s curls with a small smile on my face.

“I’ve said just as many back to you, we’re siblings that doesn’t mean that we have to get along idiot. I was just over analyzing that you might hate me because I am constantly getting on your case about things that you don’t want to be doing.” He put his arm around my shoulders with a small smirk on his face. I sighed a little bit mentally smacking myself for ever thinking that my brother would hate me. I would do anything to keep my brother happy and healthy. Sometimes even at the expense of my own mental and emotional health.

“Things are going to get better between us. I can’t promise when they are going to be but I do know that they will eventually. It’s been a long hard road for both of us but one day I’ll be able to apologize and actually make it better with more than just words. Need any help?” I shook my head a light teasing glare coming from me.

“You’d just burn it, leave the cooking to the professionals.” I mocked and he sighed heavily muttering that it was just one time that he burned water.

“Once was enough for me to never trust you around a stove again. Now sit your ass down or get out.” Haru sighed before sitting at the table getting out his switch. Miya leaned against my side resting his cheek on my shoulder.

“That went well, don’t you think so?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. It had gone better than just about every situation I had played in my head.

“I do think so! I’m sorry for freaking out on you earlier. I think that slowly but surely we’ll get better.” He nodded his head with a small smile squeezing the hand that was getting a sheet pan out for the potatoes.

“This kind of thing doesn’t just wake up and one day it’s different you can get along now. I think you know that just doesn’t work. To have a good relationship it takes effort from both sides consistently.” I smiled sadly at my best friend thumbing his cheeks lightly.

“And now we’re talking about your parents. Do you want to talk about your parents?” He sighed heavily but I could tell that there were some things that he did want to get off of his chest.

“Mostly just that I wish they tried more like Kaoru and Kojiro. They are constantly working together to make sure that you two get along and that you’re both happy. It’s not an easy job but they’ve never complained about it even though they can bicker until the world burns itself out. I just wish that they talked to me more. Not talked at me.” I wound my arms around my best friend’s waist in a tight hug. I always hated his parents, true they’ve never liked me all that much either. Claimed that I was a bad influence on Miya and that I would make an awful girlfriend. True, what did they know? They didn’t even take the time to know their son.

“Sometimes they do disagree about big choices that they want to make about me or Haru. It’s just really, really rare. They have other things that they would much rather get into bickering arguments about. I love them but sometimes it does get annoying. I know that they love each other but when I used to watch sitcoms of loving families I wished that was me.” Miya just lightly laughed a little bit at me nuzzling my nose against his.

“Well you did get one sitcom parental unit as your parents, remember your love of the Dick Van Dyke show?” I laughed openly at the comparison nodding my head since yeah, that was accurate to how my parents were. Constantly playfully bickering with one another when it was obvious how much they worshiped one another and getting stuck in petty disagreements all the time before they made up faster than you could say what happened.

“I still love the DVD show okay, leave that man alone he’s a national treasure from the States.” My best friend just laughed openly at me rolling his sea green eyes at me.

“I caught her rewatching some of the episodes just the other day on her box set of all of them. I watched some of them with her even. That was fun.” Haru mentioned off handedly and I couldn’t help but grin at my brother.

“You’ll have to watch more with me at some point!” He nodded his head with a small smile on his face. The oven dinged and I took out the frittata. It looked perfectly made and smelt just as amazing. Miya looked at his favorite breakfast food nearly drooling and I lightly rapped his shoulder.

“Not yet, you have to let it cool. I already know what you’re thinking and it’s my job to talk you out of it.” Miya sighed pouting a little bit as I carried my potatoes over to the oven with a small smile on my face washing my hands one more time.

“It looks delicious Sakura. You really did come through for brunch yet again. I’m proud of you.” My mom doted on me and I couldn’t help but grin at him.

“I just did what I always do, I had to stop this one from digging in already.” My dad looked at the frittata with a smile.

“It looks amazing flower, great job. I can tell that you put a lot of love into this.” He told me and put his arm around my shoulders.

“Are you nervous about skating today love?” My mom asked me looking me over just making sure that my brother and I had patched things up.

“I’m not that nervous. It’s mostly just excited butterflies in my stomach than anything else. How about skater boy? How you doing?” I asked Miya and he just leaned his head against my side with a small smile on his face.

“I’m good, I’m looking forward to skating my heart out and doing my best. I’m not going to let what my parents and I have been fighting about get in the way of doing what I love.” He reminded me and I pounded his fist with my left hand.

“I hope that you bring your A-game Haru, I’m going to totally whip the floor with you.” He lightly threatened and I could see the spark of competition in my brother’s eyes.

“Oh it’s so on cat boi, you’re going down.” I sighed heavily shaking my head with a small smile on my face at my two favorite boys in my life.

“Save it for the competition, I can’t handle this much toxic masculinity in my life.” My mom lightly threatened and I couldn’t help but chuckle at the two of them. My dad carried the watermelon salad and frittata to the table.

“I already have to put up with the oaf gorilla I don’t need to deal with the two of you.” I smiled softly at the three of them shaking my head.

“I can’t help you mom, I’ve tried to get them to stop. They just constantly try and pick fights with each other. It’s the teenage boy in both of them.” Miya patted the seat next to him that I easily took without needing to think about it too hard.

“Well they can keep it to themselves or to the competition later.” He complained and I couldn’t help but laugh softly at my mom as the potatoes finished and my dad gave them our coveted fork test.

“These look good to go!! I’m proud of you two for getting breakfast ready, I thought that I would have to do it today.” Miya put an arm around my shoulders with a small smile of encouragement. He ran a soothing circle into my shoulder and I positively melted into the touch.

“I always make breakfast on the weekends, it’s part of my job around here. I prefer to help as much as I can. Bon appetite!” I dished everyone their individual portions and Miya sighed at the taste of his favorite breakfast.

“Delicious as always.” He praised and I felt my cheeks turn a bright pink color. I did that. I made him love food as much as he does now. That idea alone made me proud of myself because when I had met him he had been so terrified of food and weight gain that it squandered how food should be. Food should be delicious and it always made me light up from the inside when he told me that my food was.

“I’ll be the judge of that…” Haru tried one of our potatoes that we had both made and he gave me a double thumbs up his bracelet jingling around his wrist.

“Another home run sis, this will definitely fuel us up for competing later. Are you ever going to tell me what you’re skating to?” I shook my head with a small smirk on my face. If he wasn’t going to tell me than I’d prefer to surprise him as well.

“You’re going to have to wait and see what I’ve got planned. You have not told me what you were doing either so in general I do not have to tell you.” Miya’s comforting circles continued and I couldn’t help but melt into the touch of affection.

“Touché Saki, touché. Are you two going to study tomorrow? Can you help me too?” He whined and I nodded my head. History was one of the few areas in school where I outdid him in terms of grades.

“You did a really, really good job on breakfast today Sakura. Thank you very much.” My mom thanked me with a patient smile on his face.

“It’s no problem really. I love cooking and if my cooking can make people happy that’s all that I want.” I glanced over at Miya who had a contended smile on his face around a mouthful of watermelon salad. I’ll keep cooking for you, introducing you to new flavors and dishes. Just please, don’t move forward without me.

“That was why I opened the restaurant too, it was to feed this one since he is constantly forgetting about a little thing called quality nourishment.” My mom sighed at him and I couldn’t help but laugh at my parents interacting with each other. I knew that there was nobody in the world who loved one another more than they did.

“That’s why your portions are always so outrageously big you continue to try to make me look fatter than I already am you food pusher.” I laughed at my mom openly shaking my head. For all that my mom protested he was still really, really skinny. Almost scarily so for somebody that had basically all but retired from professional skating after his beef with Adam a few years go. I heard recently that the creep finally wound up in prison and part of me wished that he would rot there for the rest of his life.

“Can you pass me the bread please Haru?” Miya asked my brother bringing me out of my thoughts and he cut a slice of it handing it to me.

“Bread for you, bread for me.” I smiled softly at my best friend as he put some of the honey butter that we bought from the bakery. Most of the brunch was spent just with the three of us with us hyper focused on what was going to happen when we skated this afternoon.

“You’re remarkable quiet sweetheart, are you nervous?” He asked me and I nodded my head with a small smile on my face.

“A little bit. Most of the time I’m just scared that I won’t be able to achieve what I’m going after.” Miya squeezed my hand with a small smile on his face.

“I just want you to do your best out there. I love you Sakura and you’re going to be amazing out there.” My mom reminded me with a small smile on his face. I knew that he was encouraging me but I just wanted to make myself proud and Miya. It might have seemed dumb if anybody really knew why I wanted to skate today but I mostly just wanted show him that I was on the same playing field as he was.

“He’s right flower, you’ve been practicing for over a year now all on your own and even though you were a beginner skater you’ve accomplished a lot in a little amount of time. I know that you can go out there and kick some ass. All three of you can.” My dad reminded me ruffling my hair lightly with a small smile on his face.

“Are we driving you up Miya?” My best friend nodded his head sadly and I sighed a little bit. That already answered my question that had been bothering me for the last few hours, his parents weren’t going to show up.

“They’re watching it on the television at home. At least that’s what they told me, some parents right?” I clenched my fists in sheer rage but his hand squeezed one of mine.

“We’d be glad to take you with us Miya. Then afterwards we’re all coming back here for a celebration!! You are not cooking a damn thing. You already busted your cute butt making us breakfast. Dinner is my job tonight.” My dad teased me lightly and my mom swatted his lower arm lecturing him about being a creep.

“Alright dad, I’ll stay out of your kitchen tonight then. Thanks for everything.” I thanked him and he just hugged me tightly to him.

“I’m so proud of you flower. You’ve been able to do everything and manage your time so well. You’ve been working so hard while maintaining your grades as well. I knew that you could do it if you just put your mind to it. It’s been a lot for you but I know that whatever goal you’re after you’ll achieve it.” He reminded me kissing my forehead lightly before pulling my brother into the hug as well.

“Both of my kids growing up into their own individual people, I couldn’t be prouder of either of you. I know that whatever dream you both have you’ll be able to achieve it by just doing your best out there. I say that all three of you grab your boards because we’ve got a long ride ahead of us.” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face picking up my skateboard.

“Are you going to sit next to me?” I tapped my chin lightly considering Miya’s question with a small thoughtful hum.

“Well gee I don’t know…” He shoved me and I couldn’t help but laugh at my best friend putting my hands into my pockets.

“Of course I’m going to sit next to you, it’s not like I have anything else to during this hour car ride.” My best friend smiled softly at me leaning against my shoulder with a small smile on my face.

“I was just wondering if you’d rather sit with Haru…” My heart warmed at his consideration but I knew that if I sat with my brother with the way that things were right now we’d end up fighting.

“I appreciate the sentiment, thank you for checking with me first. But we really should just keep our distance for right now as much as we can anyways. I think that a majority of this car ride I’m just going to sleep if that’s alright. I’m really tired and slipping into a good food coma.” He smiled softly at me hugging me to him.

“I’ll look after you while you nap. I’ve got my friend the switch so I’ll be totally fine.” He reminded me and I went down the stairs with a small smile on my face. I slid into a booth with Miya next to me while we waited for the rest of my family. Haru came down carrying his board and I saw sloppy signature again on his board.

“Do you think that Reki will get there before us so you can test out your new board?” He asked me sitting down next to me on the other side of me.

“He’s already there! He went there last night to make sure that the board worked. Apparently him and Langa stayed in a hotel.” I heard the familiar bickering about who was going to drive before my mom yanked the keys out of my dad’s hands.

“It would be better if I drove you stupid gorilla you would just get us lost.” I laughed a little bit at my dad and his pout. My dad’s shoulder went around my shoulders with a proud grin.

“How you doing flower power? Need some sleep on the road?” I nodded my head and he pushed a lock of pink hair behind my ear.

“I’m going to sit by her.” Miya was already racing my brother to get the car and my mom sighed muttering teenage boys.

“You gotta love them mom, I call dibs on the way way back!” I climbed into the backseat of the car with a small smile on my face. Miya climbed next to me and put his arm around my shoulders as I snuggled into his side taking off my shoes.

“Any music requests?” My mom asked and I heard my dad tell him nothing too loud right as I started drifting off to sleep. I slept on Miya’s shoulder throughout the whole ride until he lightly shook my shoulder.

“Good afternoon sleeping beauty! We’re here, oh shit here comes Reki. He looks excited brace yourself he’ll probably start talking a mile a minute.” I opened my ruby eyes yawning a little bit but I saw my favorite redhead.

“Reki!” I exclaimed climbing out of the car to give him a tight hug. The bubbly redhead instantly hugged me back just as tightly.

“There’s my favorite kiddo, I’ve got your new board right here!! Check it out!!” I looked at the light blue board in front of me turning it upside down as tears came to my eyes.

“Reki…” On the bottom of the board the Fly By Night owl stared back at me. It made me feel verklempt with emotion that was riding way too high for this situation.

“That is so badass! Oh my god, the slime ball actually managed it.” Reki yanked lightly on the hem of Miya’s hoodie glaring half heartedly.

“I thought that we were past the oh he’s a slime phase.” He impersonated my best friend’s voice and I saw the stadium in front of me that looked terrifyingly intimidating.

“You can do it Sakura. If I can do it then so can you.” My brother reminded me lightly and I looked at my new board seeing a lack of foot grips on it.

“I’ve upgraded you!! You won’t need those foot grips anymore I should have taken them off way earlier.” Reki rubbed the back of his neck a little bit and I could see the excitement in his eyes when I was able to ride my new board just as well as my old one.

“Thank you Reki, so much. I don’t think that I’ll ever find a way to repay you.” He smiled brightly at me and I saw the strong and quiet Langa who was looking at the atmosphere around him.

“The board looked good. You did a great job.” He praised me and I gave him a thumbs up. My mom led my brother, Miya, and me into the stadium and got us all signed in. It was loud and extremely chaotic inside but I just put on my headphones and tuned out the rest of the world through the sounds of Rush.

“Hey, I’m up next. Come and watch! Your brother is right after me.” Miya took my hand shaking me out of my nervousness. He led me through and I saw the ramps that I would be skating on.

“Our next contestant is quite a promising one, 14 year old, Miya Chinen!!” The announcer exclaimed and my best friend grinned at me waving a little bit. I watched as he stood at the top of the ramp and the obstacle course that we would be skating.

“I decided a long time ago that I was going to skate to a song if I ever got this far. I’ve learned a lot through the person that got me into this band and they opened my heart to a whole new world of experiences.” He explained to the audience and I heard the familiar sounds of “Limelight” play across the room. I felt tears erupt in my eyes and I couldn’t keep the sob past my teeth.

“You idiot… you can’t just do this to me and expect me to ever feel good enough for you…” My brother lightly thwacked me upside the head.

“You should be calling yourself an idiot for even thinking such a ridiculous thing. He chose this because he loves you. He changed your life and brought laughter into it. You changed his life by bringing food, comfort, affection, and family into his.” As Geddy’s vocals started to ring across the arena I couldn’t help but marvel at how amazing of a skater my best friend/skateboarding teacher really was. I knew that he was good but before now I had never known what his skating would look like when you put it to music, especially not to Rush.

“This song actually really fits him when you think about it. A child prodigy at skating from too young of an age, put into the spotlight and forced to do things that no child ever should have to do. He had to put up walls around himself until you came into his life and told him that was no way to live.” My brother noted and I couldn’t help but bury my face into my brother’s side. He just wrapped his arms around me as I continued to watch Miya’s skate.

“I can’t believe that he did this for me… he didn’t have to pick Rush… he could have skated to anything.” My brother laughed at me a little bit lightly pulling on my cheek as I tried to bat his hands away from me.

“Maybe this is the way that he thought of to tell you that he wants to be more than friends with you? That he loves you?” He noted and my eyes widened as I looked at my best friend out there skating his best. Could that really be what he’s trying to tell me? Everything seemed to add up in my head. All the touches, the flirting, the constant need to look after me and make sure that I’m okay… all of it was trying to tell me in his own way that he loved me.

“And she finally gets it nearly two years later…” I shoved my brother’s side with a small smile on my face shaking my head at him.

“Well, what do you want from me? He’s gorgeous, and I’m just me.” I gestured to my hoodie, shorts and leggings. He laughed at me shaking his head lightly tutting at me.

“And to him that’s more than enough to be remarkable.” I rolled my eyes with a small smile on my face. This boy was going to be mine by the end of the day, I swear it.

“Alright, my turn, better take notes because I’m about to kick this competitions ass to the curb.” My brother bragged and I blinked owlishly as Miya came over to stand by me nervously avoiding my gaze.

“You were amazing! I was totally surprised when you pulled Limelight out. Why-Why did you do that?” He sighed a little bit running his hand through his helmet hair that he had now.

“I was trying to tell you something earlier, when your dad came in and interrupted us. But it can wait! I don’t want you to miss your brother’s skate.” He quickly shifted topics and I watched as my brother got to the top of the ramp.

“I’ve been skating since I was really little. My parents have always joked that I was born riding a board. But they couldn’t always take me when I wanted to go around the neighborhood. That job was left to my amazing older sister who has always been there for me. Even when I yelled at her or she got under my skin, even when we can’t seem to get along no matter what we do, she’s always been the person that’s believed in me the most. The one with the most encouragement that I would succeed. This skate is for her.” He explained and I heard the soft tones that I was so familiar with at this point from all the times that I had to listen to Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness in the car. He smiled at me his eyes lighting up like little stars as he began to skate to the quiet song that I had grown up loving. The tears that trickled down my face were ones of infinite happiness. He had chosen this song with the purpose of me knowing that no matter what he would always be there for me. Even when I yelled at him and he yelled back, that all together meant nothing. We were siblings, we were going to fight and we were going to disagree about things often. But that also meant that we would make it through to the next day and continue to love one another as much as we did.

“He planned this out with a purpose that you’ve probably already figured out. He’s amazing…” Miya mentioned and I nodded my head as he handed me a bag of tissues that were in his hoodie pocket with a small smile on his face.

“He really, really is. I know that if he gets the offer that he’ll turn it down. This was so that I would know how much I mean to him. Is my dad recording this?” I looked up seeing a familiar mop of green hair and saw the video camera in his hands. My mom was sniffling and his eyes were red-rimmed. We could all be proud of Haru today because he had come out on top. Through everything that he had been through he had remained my overly confident younger brother. I would always do everything within my power to make sure that he knew how proud of him I was. I hugged my brother so tightly to me that I could hear him mutter too tight in a higher pitched and more breathy tone.

“Deal with it you asshole, you just made me bawl my eyes out.” I lightly flicked his forehead with a small loving smile on my face bouncing back and forth on my heels.

“We will now be doing the tryouts for the girls nationals team!!” I took a deep breath going up to the platform and suddenly the bright stage lights just hit me and I blinked at the onslaught of light.

“While most of my competitors have been skating for their entire lives that wasn’t possible for me. I had bad balance and bad visual spacial skills for a majority of my life so it made my balance flighty and weird. I learned how to rollerblade so that I could keep with my brother and so that somebody could go skating with him. I was lucky enough to have an utterly amazing teacher to educate me on the proper way to board. My teacher became my best friend and he’s the prime reason why I’m standing here today. He taught me everything I know not just about skating but how to make real genuine friends.” I explained my backstory of how I had gotten here today feeling tears come to my eyes but quickly blinking them back when I heard the intro guitar to the song that I had picked. I saw my brother laugh a little bit with a fond sparkle of I should have known written all over his face as I went down the ramp. I picked my song out of consideration for comfort over anything else since I knew that I would be nervous about what would happen if I got this far and had a sensory overload.

“Begin a day with a friendly voice, a companion unobtrusive plays that song that’s so elusive and the magic music makes your morning mood. Up on your way hit the open road there is magic at your fingers for the spirit ever lingers undermining content in your happy solitude….” Hearing Geddy’s voice along with the clapping of the entire stadium as if they had known exactly why I had picked this song above all the others lit me up inside. It hit me that a majority of these people were probably Rush fans. I was probably surrounded by the biggest congregation of Rush fans in my entire life. I did a rail slide down the ramp and landed it with practiced ease flying through the air as I went up the ramp. The wind in my hair had always been one of the countless reasons that I had loved skating so much over the last three years. It was something that could ground me but it could also compel me to do crazy things. Going through my entire routine and hearing the roaring applause from the audience, especially from the fourth row in the middle where I saw Reki, Langa, my dad, and my mom. I grinned broadly at my found family and I waved to the camera.

“That was quite the show that you just did. You will get your results after every other girl goes. Good job.” The head judge told me and I knew that even if I didn’t make it, I would still be immensely happy. I had achieved what I had come here to do. I had done my entire routine that I had practiced for so long and I had performed on the same course that Miya did. I was now on his level and I could meet him where he stood. I ran into my best friend’s arms and he caught me easily his bright beaming smile spinning me around tightly in his arms.

“I love you…” I admitted for the first time in three years and I saw his eyes widen with a small smirk on his face.

“I can’t believe that you beat me to it Sakura, don’t you know that there’s a line for these kinds of things? That the person who’s liked the other for the longest is supposed to confess first?” I blinked at him in confusion.

“How long have you-“ He laughed a little bit nervously rubbing the back of his neck with a small smile on his face and a bright pink blush.

“Since that first time you talked to me about skating…” The sheer shock of the confession caused a surprised laugh to leave me.

“I thought that you hated me back then.” He shook his head at me his sea green eyes making contact with mine I looped my arms around his neck.

“I never hated you, I thought that you were really cute. That’s why I didn’t want to be your friend at first because I thought that somebody as cute as you wouldn’t want to be friends with a moody thing like me.” I laughed brightly at him realizing just how stupid we had both been.

“Idiot…” He smiled softly at me lifting my chin up so that I could look at him, his sea green eyes flowing with emotions.

“Your idiot now, good luck getting rid of me.” He kissed my cheek with a bright pink blush on his cheeks and I heard the snap of a camera.

“Had to commemorate the moment!! You two have been making me nauseous for the last three years running it’s about time that I started to get my revenge.” I flipped my brother off and he just laughed at me.

“I’ll send you the picture and you can make it your new phone wall paper?” He offered me and I nodded my head with a small smile.

“Oh god, no not your wallpaper!” Miya put a hand over his eyes dramatically but I just smiled softly at him shaking my head. I turned my head in his arms so that I could watch the other girls skate. Most of the others definitely had more practice than I did since they were doing it for longer and could do more tricks than I could in their sleep. After all the girls had gone the judges talked amongst one another for a few minutes before they came over the loudspeaker.

“We have reconvened as your judges for the day and have come back with the people that will be on the Japanese Nationals team. This has been a rare year where two boys and one girl will be on our nationals team because a lot of us were blown away by what we saw.” I stiffened in my best friend’s arms and they tightened around me with a small smile on his face.

“That means that you have more of a chance baby!” I felt my cheeks flush at the pet name and he just smirked a little bit.

“I thought that you might like that one.” I lightly swatted his shoulder with a small sigh. I couldn’t help but have this nearly palpable nervous energy.

“For the boys we have chosen Miya Chinen and Haru Sakurayashiki.” My brother’s eyes widened and I cheered loudly for him.

“You did it Haru! You get to go on to the national team!” I encouraged him and he looked over at the stage as I retracted from Miya’s arms.

“Go and get your plaque my love.” I told him lightly pushing him forward and laughed a little bit when he adorably stumbled forward and turned to glare half heartedly at me.

“For the girls we were pleasantly surprised by one of them. Miss Sakura Nanjo, while not the most technically advanced is clearly passionate and wants to be better than those around her. She loves the sport clearly so she will be our girl to move onto the Japanese nationals team.” My eyes widened. Why had they picked me out of all the girl’s that were clearly more capable than me? I wasn’t that great technically yet and I was still mostly just learning how to do the trickier jumps. I could feel the other girl’s harsh glares sent my direction. I moved forward my knees shaking and Miya quickly handed my brother his plaque before helping me up to the podium.

“They picked you because even though the other girls were all technically very skilled they lacked the passion that you skate with. If you need me to speak personally with any of them than I will be glad to.” I smiled softly at my best friend as I took my plaque from the lead judge.

“I love you.” He told me and my heart threatened to beat right out of my chest. It went flying into the hands of somebody that I knew would take good care of it. I wound my arms around his neck and gave him my first kiss. While there were not fireworks going off in that moment every inch of me felt warm and contented. I felt the zings of happiness and electricity going between the two of us that made me feel all warm and sticky like melted caramel.

#my fics #sk8 the infinity #ocs #sk8 the infinity fic #music

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deliciously-yeeted · 3 years

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I was in desperate need of some beel fluff, so i wrote some. As one does. Uh, ive never done this,(posting fanfic, i normally jus write small things for myself tbh😅) before so please have mercy lol

I hope ya like it though, it put a smile on my face so im hoping it does the same for you♡

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You started filling the hem of your shirt with snacks, as many as you could fit in the scrunched up fabric that is, a tired but playful grin on your lips, as you thought over what you planned to do, mentally prepping yourself.

Normally, you're not so bold about seeking out comfort and such, feeling shy about showing vulnerability...but today, ugh, today had you particularly worn down. You needed something, affection preferably. You'd settle for a warm bath and some melatonin if you had to. Though, you really didnt want too.

You were tired of self soothing all the time. And Asmos care packages could only help so much. But you knew how to make it all magically better. There was only one option in times like these .

You worked quickly, excitement bouncing around in your gut, making your hands a little shaky.

Having grabbed all you could you carry, you practically dashed from the kitchen. Your mind set on finding a certain big demon. Last you heard, he was headed to his room for a bit. You hoped he was still there.

When you finally reached his bedroom door, you found yourself in a tad bit of a pickle. Your eyebrows furrowed, the realization that you wouldn't be able to open the door making you frown at the closed door briefly. You cursed yourself slightly, for not thinking that far ahead. You forgot in all your excitement.

Briefly you considered trying to use you feet before dropping the idea. Guess you've got no choice.

Dang it! You felt kinda bummed that you'd be losing the element of surprise, but the grin soon returned, thinking about seeing Beel always you happy, regardless of the circumstances.

"Beeeeellllllllllll!" You called out, letting a bit of a whine into your voice, hey, who knows? Maybe it'd get him in front of you faster?? He tended to be on the slower side of answering his door, sometimes he simply didnt hear it. Especially if he was working out or watching tv.

Apparently, whining his name did not speed him up:(

You were about to call out again, worried he hadn't heard you, when the door clicked open. The mere sound making you feel slightly giddy. Your eyes snapping up to meet his briefly. You soaked in as many details of him as you could, without just straight ogling him, before flicking your eyes back up to meet his.

"Y/n?" He seemed pleasantly surprised, dressed in a black tank top and grey sweats (you were happy to see him wearing them, because while he looked like a whole ass meal in them, it also meant he had no plans of leaving the house tonight).

His eyes were quick to find the odd lumps wrapped up in your shirt, as well as the bit of tummy peaking out. The position you held your shirt in had caused the bottom of your stomach to show, something you had worried about on the way here, anxious about a different brother catching a glimpse of you. You could feel his stare burn against your skin, he was about to say something, but then his nose twitched, and his eyes fixed on your bundle of snacks instead.

Not that you minded his staring your stomach, not with Beel.

The others...maybe.

Your tummy was one of his favorite parts about you, he's hands finding their way under your shirt to touch and squeeze the soft flesh more often than not. Always gentle and non intrusive. I think he'd full on cry if he accidentally upset you somehow tbh.

Boy had absolutely no shame about it, once he learned you didnt mind much.

Especially when you seemed to be a bit shy about showing your stomach, with the others, or just in general. He made sure to let you know how much he loved your squish. Be it at RAD or just casually in the house.

The only person who ever raised a fuss over it was Mammon, although, he tended to fuss over everything you did anyways;; His protests did absolutely nothing to deter you or Beel, much to his dismay.

Sometimes, if Beel was hungry and needed a distraction or a quick 'pick me up', he'd scoop you up and just shove his face into your tummy. (Much like what I do with my cat when I'm bored and/or sad) Then he'd just hold you there until he absolutely had to let you down.

Relishing in the feel of your softness and you heart racing under your skin, fluttering so delicately under his lips, pressing his face against you was an instant mood lifter for him.

You loved it, a surprised but delighted laugh always ripping from your chest, almost subconsciously. You couldn't hide your happiness in his affections, not that you would want to (thats a lie, you cant help but be embarrassed at the end of the day by the intensive joy you felt whenever you looked at him). Which only seemed to motivate him even more, and soon each time he scooped you up, he'd kiss all over your tummy, making you giggle because it tickled, before hugging you close with a small sigh.

"I brought snacks, and some cuddles. So uhm, can I nap on you for a bit? 'M tired. Unless your busy or something..." you beam up at him, starting to hesitate toward the end, suddenly a little unsure.

"Pretty please?? I wont bug ya, I promise." You plead, pulling your best puppy dog eyes, shifting from one foot to the other nervously. His eyes widened as his brain processed what you said, and the cute sight in front of him. If he was being honest, it made his brain stop for a split second.

He chuckled at you and lifted you up by the back of your knees, holding you carefully to his chest, mindful of your full shirt. A small startled squeak coming from you as he did so, a sound he never got tired of hearing.

You glanced in the room as he closed to door, he had papers sprawled over the small coffee table in the middle of the room, and a few (you spotted more in the trash bin in the corner) empty food wrappers around his work space. He plopped down in front of the table again, taking only a few steps to reach it. You were kind of jealous, your short legs never being a fair match against his. Luckily he enjoyed carrying you, which solved that issue right quick.

"You can keep me company while I finish my homework." He says, shifting you into his lap and keeping a loose hold on your lower stomach, fingers splaying out to get a small feel of your exposed skin. Glancing around, you dont see belphies mop of hair in his bed, he was probably sleeping in the attic or the observatory, you quietly hum to yourself, abit happy to have Beel all to yourself for the moment. Shifting forward, Beels hands refusing to let you go and setting on your waist, you hold your shirt above the edge of the table, and let the snacks spill from your shirt before smoothing the garment back down, missing Beels frown as he looses sight of your tummy. Quickly moving to organize the snacks a bit, so that they were within reach and not scattered all over his papers and in the way.

"Thank you, your the bestest!!" You say, the dull ache in your arms more than worth the effort in your opinion.

You tilted your head back so you can look up at him. Making eye contact with him made your brain kinda just...mush. Your hands slowly squeezing his on your waist, lifting them so you move a bit.

You tore you gaze from his, before turning around and wrapping your arms around his nack and your legs around his torso,(like a koala in his opinion).

Scooting as close as you could get away with, (your not as stealthy as you give yourself credit for, he knows, he just too nice to tease you for it, and he doesn't want you to stop), so you could snuggle up to him and be comfy at the same time. Which wasn't all that hard to do with him, being the teddy bear he is.

Your eyes glazed over slightly, and you were distracted as you mind pulled your attention away.

Ah, you were in pure bliss, you could die happy like this~

You had grabbed plenty of snacks, being sure to vary in your choices, knowing Beel would like to have options, and hoping to be able to buy some extra time with him and a cute Beel smile as a reward for your effort. Tho, youd do it anyways.

Not that you'd ever admit to that. Nuh uh, no way. Unless he asked nicely, you'd give in embarrassingly fast if he ever did, the realization making your face heat up.

But...

Embarrassment be damned, youd never tell Beel 'No'.

He looks down at you, face going all blushy and soft at your slightly dazed and flushed expression. Your thoughts getting the best of you for a moment. Shaking your head slightly and letting out a resigned sigh.

"Of course you can," you snap out of it when he speaks up, looking up at him, quick to give him your full attention. "I love when you cuddle up with me, it helps me focus a bit. You didn't have to bribe me, though, as long as its you, my cuddles come free-" wrapping his arms around your shoulders, giving you a snug hug, he moves to continue. "Not that I'm complaining-" you cut him off, feeling slightly guilty about it. You were already flustered, and his sweet words weren't helping your predicament one bit. That was until your eyes actually focus on his face, oh sweet hell, hes so precious!!! Your heart thumps nearly painfully for a moment, nerves biting into your thoughts.

Your face was definitely beat red now, you could feel it at the tips of your ears even. Yet you refused to move, your eyes locked on his. A rare occurrence, one you could tell he was basking in, his eyes were glued to your face, studying it. His flush deepening slightly.

Squishing his cheeks and "shushing" him gently. Your basically cooing at him, to tired suddenly to care much about how your words or actions came off. The nervousness slipping away from your voice and movements. "Its not a bribe hun, I just felt like seeing you smile before I fell asleep on you. Heh, your smile is my goodluck charm for good dreams, ya know?" You tiredly rub his cheek with your thumb, eyes lit up happily and content. Giving him a small breathless laugh at the end.

He really did calm you down, your mind slowing down as the excitement started to fade, a fact you became overly aware of quite suddenly, your eyes feeling quite heavy now that you felt safe.

You yawned, your weariness catching up to you.

Beels quick to notice, taking note of the bags under your eyes. Dont worry, he'll make sure you get some good sleep, no bad dreams were gonna plague you on his watch. He glances over at the snacks you brought, unbelievably happy. Seeing you so cutely curled up to him, the fact that you brought him as much food as you could carry(a sight he nearly died from when he saw it) and your sweet sweet words, it definitely warmed his heart to say in the least.

He loved that you actually came to find him, just so you could cuddle. His adoration for you is bottomless, just like his hunger.

So, Beel wraps you inna big bear hug, pulling you closer and peppering the top of your head and face with kisses. He gives you a big grin, his eyes sparkling happily. "Nap, I'll wake you up when I'm done and we can hangout till dinner."

You tiredly nod, relaxing against him.

Grabbing a baggy of chips, he smooches your forehead, before tucking your face under his chin so he could munch, and see his work(not like that was much of an issue, beels a big boy after all👀), without completely covering the top of your head in crumbs (you'd told him you didn't mind, especially since he always ruffled your hair to get then out, and you loved that...but he still feels bad about it and tries to avoid it to some extent) and being able to rest his chin on top your head was just the cherry on top for him.

💗Happy beel mode activated💗

Sighing happily, you close your eyes. Beels cuddles making all your stress melt away, just like they always did. Slowly, you start to drift off, listening to the soft scratch of his pen as he starts to work and his deep breathing, letting it lull you into sleep.

I dont know why my brain wanted me to got all out on this. I literally jus couldn't stop tweaking with it. Imma post if before i decide to change it. Imma just conveniently forget i wrote this now, maybe ill like it more after a week or two... :/ also if theres any spelling or grammar issues plz tell me, its like 2am rn so im sure i missed something

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carolyncaves · 4 years

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Oh, it’s happening - WWX goes to Gusu: Part 4. 10171 words, continued underlying vague mental illness from WWX, angry wedding planner JC, elder sibling appreciation hours now including JYL as well as LXC, shotgun-wedding-related drama, wedding resolution, Yunmeng sibling feelings and fluff, gratuitous Wangxian

part one | part two | part three | also on ao3

When Wei Wuxian woke, full bright light filled the jingshi and his body ached with too much sleep. It was late. Lan Zhan’s five-in-the-morning wasn’t even in the picture. For all he knew, it could be after noon.

It was, he discovered slowly and hazily, just after lunchtime. Lan Zhan had ordered him something and was going to wake him if he didn’t wake on his own soon.

He would have thought he might feel better, finally getting a powerful dose of the rest he’d lately been deprived of. Instead he just felt a different sort of unwell. But it faded to the background as he ate his lunch and worked some life back into his limbs.

It came to him distantly, nearly halfway through the meal, that he was married. Not quite, but at the same time more than he’d need a lifetime to process and believe. He should be doting on Lan Zhan. Being happy with him, and letting Lan Zhan – always so grim, so restrained – be happy in return. A husband had a number of duties, really, and Wei Wuxian had fulfilled none of them. He’d laid in bed for twelve hours and was now being dully led through the necessary task of eating as if he were a child.

Some portion of this train of thought must have shown on his face, because Lan Zhan said, “No talking during meals.” This prompted Wei Wuxian to actually look at him, and he looked frowny. “Unless …” Lan Zhan bit himself off mid-thought, as if realizing he himself was breaking the rule, and then after a brief vacillation was apparently unable to restrain himself. “Unless you have regrets.”

Did Lan Zhan think it was possible Wei Wuxian was sorry they were married? Was that the most likely explanation he could conjure for whatever dissatisfaction had touched Wei Wuxian’s face? The snort escaped before Wei Wuxian could contain it. “Lan Zhan. The only regret I could possibly have is that I am so unworthy of you.” He waved his hand, trying to banish Lan Zhan’s deepening dismay. “But for whatever reason, you want this with me regardless, and for that I will be grateful and as worthily unworthy as possible all my life. It’s too late for you now, Lan Zhan, you’re stuck with me!”

Relief. The softening of Lan Zhan’s face at that statement was relief. Wei Wuxian wanted to give him all the water in Yunmeng. He settled for asking if Lan Zhan had eaten his fill, and serving him a little more when he didn’t say yes, as if this wasn’t Lan Zhan’s house and every morsel of this meal wasn’t his to begin with.

It was all right, though. This next part would be where Wei Wuxian got to give something to Lan Zhan, hopefully over and over again for the rest of their lives.

The relief fell away too fast, and Lan Zhan parted his lips once more. But he didn’t actually speak – he simply closed them and turned back to his meal. It was as if he’d decided whatever was still bothering him wasn’t worth breaking the rule of silence for. Only Wei Wuxian’s worries measured that high.

“Lan Zhan, what about you, though? Do you have regrets?”

Lan Zhan’s bowl hit the table hard. “Never.”

Wei Wuxian allowed himself to drink in the powerful balm of his certainty for one moment before smiling and pushing back. “Lan Zhan, I’m think at some point in your life you’re going to have a regret, however small.”

Lan Zhan looked unhappy at Wei Wuxian. “Never this.” He looked unhappier at the table. “But.”

Wei Wuxian wasn’t even bothered by the dull ache of that drop. “But what? You have to tell me, since I’m your husband.”

Lan Zhan shook his head, and of course Wei Wuxian was joking anyway, but he did answer. “You were promised two weeks. I forgot myself, in my eagerness.” He hung his head, all beautiful and ashamed. “You should still have them, if you want them.”

Wei Wuxian had in fact been carefully ignoring that he was going to have to go back to Lotus Pier today. Their marriage was actually a fabulous excuse, a very distracting conceit, to keep him from having to think about having to conduct himself like a person again in front of Jiang Cheng and Shijie and Lotus Pier and the cultivation world, to leave this delicate bubble of quiet and rest.

A heavy dread stirred low in his belly, and he smothered it down – a dance so familiar he couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed it had been absent for several days. It would be better this time, though. He would be better at talking, better at being, better at ignoring the dark pit at his center and getting on with the things he had to do – and as well, Lan Zhan would be there. Lan Zhan had done this thing so he would always be there. Wei Wuxian’s heart bloomed, or rather felt some feeling that was wonderful even though it hurt, and he said, “Lan Zhan, do you not think the rest of my life is a great deal more than two weeks?”

Lan Zhan looked up at him.

“I don’t have any idea why you want to do this. I still think you must be mad – are you sure you haven’t been tying your headband too tight? Maybe your fifteen layers of robes are too constricting and you haven’t been getting enough air. Nevertheless, you have to understand that it’s everything. Do you think I wouldn’t do anything to make it happen? For you to have what you want, and for me to have you?”

Lan Zhan was staring at him, leaning forward, as if the small tea table between them was an intolerable barrier – and then apparently it was, because he moved, gathered his robes and shuffled around it until he was right beside him and he could pull Wei Wuxian into a slow, firm embrace.

“You should still have them, if you want them,” Lan Zhan repeated – not like he actually thought he could convince Wei Wuxian, more like he wanted to make sure he knew he really did have the option.

“Please, Lan Zhan, I have to get you all tied up before you come to your senses. I’d be willing to leave for Lotus Pier this instant, except we’re in the middle of a meal and I’m sure there’s a Lan principle about that.”

“Mm,” Lan Zhan said. He released him but sat very close next to him, the same way he had for Wei Wuxian’s first meal after he arrived here those few days ago.

Wei Wuxian reach across for his bowl and set it in front of him. It occurred to him this was going to be Lan Zhan’s last meal in his jingshi – at least like this, with him living here and not visiting as a guest.

“Of course, if you’d rather linger, we can,” Wei Wuxian said. “This is your home, Lan Zhan. I’m not trying to drag you away from it.”

Lan Zhan was quiet for a moment, like he was building up to a confession, and Wei Wuxian was ready for him to ask for a few days. But then he said, “I’ve already prepared,” and moved the edge of his sleeve aside to reveal a qiankun pouch. “There are disciples waiting to pack the remainder of my belongings and send them after us. Once we’ve departed.”

The gentle, happy flush on Lan Zhan’s cheeks and ears made Wei Wuxian feel like the insane one.

They finished their meal together, and Wei Wuxian laughed at him, and perhaps also got teary-eyed and clung to his husband (he was going to say it counted). When Lan Zhan escorted him from the jingshi and along the walkways of Cloud Recesses, it was in mutual triumph.

Lan Xichen was actually standing around in front of the hanshi as if he were waiting for them.

For a moment, Wei Wuxian felt ashamed himself – for being the reason all this upheaval was necessary in the first place, and for sleeping so long and making Zewu Jun wait. But he looked so pleasant, and not irritated at all – he was certainly well-suited to his position as sect leader. Wei Wuxian forced himself to smile as well as he said, “How are you doing on this beautiful day, Zewu Jun?”

“I am content.” He looked vaguely puzzled at Wei Wuxian – who wasn’t even sure himself why he’d chosen the title instead familial address. Maybe it was that now, in the light of day and without their red robes and dizzy urgency, it seemed ridiculous to presume Lan Xichen would recognize him as his family. But Lan Xichen replied, “And yourself, Dixu?”

Wei Wuxian was sure some measure of his thrill at being invited to address Lan Xichen in that way seeped through in his grin. “I’m plenty more than content, Da-baizi.” And what a miracle it was, for both him and Lan Zhan, that the good and lofty Lan Xichen was against all reason in favor of him.

“Xiongzhang,” Lan Zhan said, with a slight bow. “I will miss you, Shufu, and Cloud Recesses, and I know I am meant to cry, but I am not very sad.”

Lan Xichen’s responding smile overflowed like the most silver moon. “I’m glad, Wangji. I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

These two exchanges, right on each other’s heels, connected a sticky and muddy pathway in Wei Wuxian’s mind – the possibility that Lan Xichen’s approval was somehow related to Lan Zhan’s quiet desperate joy. That inexplicably he, Wei Wuxian, might somehow truly add happiness to Lan Zhan’s life.

He would have to try very hard. He would have to be diligent, and careful, and true. There was something precious in his hands, and he’d dropped everything he’d ever been asked to hold, but … not this. Please, let him not drop this.

“Let’s go, then,” he said suddenly, before he could second-guess himself. “If you’re both ready, of course, esteemed Twin Jades – take out your swords and let’s depart.”

Lan Zhan immediately abandoned his fond gaze at Lan Xichen to squint at Wei Wuxian. “We will walk to Caiyi town and go by boat.”

“Lan Zhan, a boat would take forever! Of course we’ll fly.” The fear – the exposed horror of being high in the air on someone else’s sword, the memory of the plunge – was already stirring in his belly, but he disregarded it.

Lan Zhan assembled his response for a long time. “You would suffer,” he said finally. “That is counter to the purpose of this.”

“Lan Zhan, it’s one little sword flight. It could hardly be called suffering – believe me. How could we not go as quickly as possible to Lotus Pier? We’re, you’re …” Lan Zhan was married out of his own family and was not yet married into Wei Wuxian’s. That couldn’t stand.

“I am fine,” Lan Zhan said obstinately.

“So am I, Lan Zhan! Believe me, it would be very nice if we had been betrothed for years and now finally I had sent a luxurious palanquin for you on Yunmeng Jiang’s grandest boat and you could be borne to Lotus Pier in luxury, but we’re far beyond that. You can’t rush us through your half and expect me to let us amble around aimlessly for mine. Come on – you can hold me close on Bichen, and we’ll be there before you know it.”

Lan Zhan looked like he wanted to argue further – but luckily he also wanted to be married to Wei Wuxian.

Lan Zhan wore his regular Lan headband on his forehead – they still had to negotiate the betrothal with Jiang Cheng, so he could hardly show up in conspicuous wedding adornments – but Wei Wuxian took the red one and tied it around Lan Zhan’s wrist, where it would be hidden by his sleeve. It wasn’t a fine silk veil, but it would have to do. Then Lan Zhan drew Bichen and took Wei Wuxian onto its blade.

As they climbed into the sky, the terror began to shriek in Wei Wuxian’s chest – but he’d meant what he said. A single flight was nothing for Lan Zhan. The Burial Mounds was not waiting at the end of it.

Lan Zhan would not drop him. Lan Zhan would return him safely to the ground.

///

Wei Ying did not speak a word after they left the ground, and within a quarter of an hour he was curled stiff and catatonic into Lan Wangji’s chest. Lan Wangji felt himself going wild with concern and fury – at Wei Ying, paradoxically, for advocating for something that would so clearly harm him, and more rationally at himself for giving in. This had been his first test at caring for Wei Ying in his new capacity as his spouse, and he had failed it. He would have to learn from this. He would do better. Perhaps he should land the sword now and insist they complete the journey on foot.

But they were already well beyond Caiyi town, which would have been the most reasonable place to get a boat. It seemed unthinkable to turn back, to force Wei Ying to retread any of the terrain he’d covered at such high cost.

Lan Wangji looked at Xichen. He flew with Wei Ying to Cloud Recesses, and would have witnessed the extent of this fear. Could he not have warned him?

Xichen inclined his head in apology. When he spoke aloud, it was to Wei Ying directly. “Dixu, I feel I must express my gratitude to you. You and I both know Wangji has extended himself greatly on this matter out of a true and unselfish devotion, and as the one who allowed him to do so, I will be quite anxious until he is safely ensconced on the other side of it. I hope neither of you will find anguish in your care for one another, in small things or in large ones, so I regret you are doing so now; nevertheless, it does comfort me to know his commitment is returned in full measure.”

Wei Ying made a quiet noise in the back of his throat, and his hand gripped more tightly at the front of Lan Wangji’s robes – but they were passing over a mountain that dropped off precipitously, so it might have been a coincidence.

Lan Wangji held him and tried to feel loved. He did, he supposed, after some thought. Wei Ying was miserable, so there was no joy in it.

///

Wei Wuxian would have vowed he would never ride on a sword again, but that was likely to be impossible. He was a cultivator, whatever his method, and associated with cultivators who used them. He would probably have to ride on swords regularly. Perhaps even recreationally, because how could he deny Lan Zhan the easiest way to visit his family and his childhood home?

Wei Wuxian instead vowed to invent a talisman that would blank his mind and senses. He could stand unthinking and unfeeling in Lan Zhan’s arms and make whatever journey he had to. It would be substantially the same as this, except perhaps without the sickening, drenching fear that by the end of the journey consumed every inch of his limbs.

Wei Wuxian supposed they landed before the gates of Lotus Pier and Lan Zhan guided him to step off Bichen, but only because he eventually realized he was standing on the wood of the boardwalk and Lan Xichen was conferring with a servant at the door.

Lan Zhan still had his arm around him, and his low voice vibrated soothingly in his ear. Wei Wuxian leaned into him. After a moment, Lan Zhan shrouded him in a more intimate embrace.

“Jiang-zongzhu and Jiang-guniang do not know we are wed,” he murmured in Wei Wuxian’s ear – likely an argument for them separating and holding more space between them – but he didn’t eject Wei Wuxian from the shelter of his arms. His too-many robes were comfortable padding. He, Lan Zhan, was the safest place to be.

“There is really no need for Jiang-zongzhu to receive us formally,” Lan Xichen was saying. “I believe Wei-gongzi” – it was interesting hearing the distant title fall from Lan Xichen’s lips, after earlier, hearing the familial one – “was going to speak with him about a personal matter.”

“Jiang-zongzhu was very clear,” the disciple said nervously. “He will receive you all in Sword Hall immediately.” His anxiousness was uncharacteristic, from all Wei Wuxian knew of him. He would only expect it if something were wrong.

He had only been gone for a few days. How could anything be wrong?

Wei Wuxian extracted himself from Lan Zhan’s hold, and they crossed the courtyard of Lotus Pier as if they were their own instead of each other’s.

Jiang Cheng had the flint-cut face that meant he was mad.

Wei Wuxian had not even been here. How could Jiang Cheng still have found a reason to be angry at him? Was he still upset that he’d left at all? That seemed unfair – it had already happened, and they’d discussed it at the time. Wei Wuxian did not know if the accumulated weight of all his past sins and mistakes was something he could bear.

Shijie stood at Jiang Cheng’s side looking a little wilted, and Wei Wuxian hoped that was only the summer heat. She wouldn’t meet his eyes. Jiang Cheng’s eyes raked over each of them in turn – Lan Xichen, Lan Zhan, Wei Wuxian himself.

It would be better for Shijie to be upset with him than for her to be unwell. If that was what was happening, Wei Wuxian would gladly accept those terms.

Jiang Cheng gestured at the tables that lined the room – they had been set, ominous in a way Wei Wuxian had not expected. Wei Wuxian took his place beside Shijie’s at the front of the hall, though Shijie did not come join him. Lan Zhan sat on his other side instead of across the aisle with his brother. Hopefully that wouldn’t be too conspicuous, since Wei Wuxian could hardly call attention to it by shoeing him away. They were known to be close. Wei Wuxian had gone to Cloud Recesses to be with him.

“I thought I told you to be carrying your sword when you returned,” Jiang Cheng opened, and his voice was acid and ice. “Though you’re back so quickly, I can’t help but wonder why you even left.”

Suibian was all the way back in Gusu, in the sword rack in Lan Zhan’s jingshi. It belonged there, after all, in Lan possession. Wei Wuxian had given it over to Lan Xichen, an elder member of Lan Zhan’s family. Lan Zhan had accepted it and offered his open hand in return. A more treasured return gift Wei Wuxian couldn’t imagine.

“I suppose we should feel blessed that Lan-er-gongzi has been relieved of his pressing duties to his sect. Mere days ago, he was so bound by them he could not have dreamed of visiting Yunmeng.”

His vitriol was bizarre. It meant something, certainly, but Wei Wuxian could not even begin to imagine what.

“How kind of you to return Wei Wuxian to my keeping early, Lan-zongzhu, after I let you take him from me temporarily as a favor. How fortunate he’ll be able to resume his post, and my A-jie won’t have to keep handling all his duties.”

Lan Zhan bristled and tensed to rise. Wei Wuxian clenched his fingers around his arm. They were not yet married by Yunmeng Jiang’s reckoning.

“Jiang-zongzhu,” Lan Xichen tried.

“A-Xian,” Shijie said, the first thing she’d spoken, and it was very much a warning.

“Jiang Cheng, let’s talk privately for a second,” Wei Wuxian finally got out. “I have something I really need to discuss with you.”

But Jiang Cheng was staring claws and daggers at Lan Zhan – at Lan Zhan’s wrist. “Is that red I see under your sleeve, Lan-er-gongzi? I thought you only wore mourning colors.”

Lan Xichen opened his mouth, but didn’t speak. He seemed to be warring between defensiveness of Lan Zhan and nervousness of Jiang Cheng’s mood.

Wei Wuxian tried to step in. “What do you mean, Jiang Cheng? Lan Zhan can wear what he likes, can’t he? I mean it, let’s go outside for a moment while the Lans get served some tea.”

“Lan-er-gongzi, raise your sleeve,” Jiang Cheng seethed, and that was when Wei Wuxian understood beyond any doubt that Jiang Cheng knew somehow and it was not good.

Searching for any information, he looked to Shijie again, and this time he finally was met with her eyes. They looked back at him with such sadness someone might as well have plunged a sword into his chest.

He had done something terrible. He couldn’t quite understand how – the thing he’d done was something that had made him feel more free and hopeful that he had in almost longer than he could remember – but he’d set out from Lotus Pier to try to drag the tattered scraps of himself more together so he could help Shijie and Jiang Cheng better again, and instead he had managed to cause them further grief.

Lan Zhan slid back his sleeve, revealing the red-and-gold ribbon.

“So it’s true,” Jiang Cheng choked out, eyes going wider with fury. “It’s true. You and Wei Wuxian are married.”

“Did you send disciples after him?” Lan Zhan asked frigidly. “Spy on the Lan sect?”

“We didn’t need spies! Zewu Jun sent a small army of disciples to Caiyi town yesterday, scouring the streets to find red fabric and auspicious decorations and any wedding clothes that might fit two young masters on immediate notice. They were shouting it up and down the canals. My sister heard it from her handmaidens, who heard it on Yunmeng’s docks in the evening. The very last people between Yunmeng and Gusu to know there was a wedding being held in Cloud Recesses yesterday were the two of us!” The spots of color on Jiang Cheng’s cheekbones had blossomed from faint impressions to full angry blooms. “Then, of course, we turned to the spies – what choice did we have? You had spirited Wei Wuxian away from us mere days before, apparently on false pretenses. For all I knew, you were forcing him into vows with a minor Lan disciple or bartering him over to some worthless Jin subordinate in a bid to remove him from Yunmeng Jiang. But no – from the spies we learn that gossip among the junior Lans indicates Lan-er-gongzi and Wei Wuxian were seen weeping in one another’s tender embrace the night he arrived at Cloud Recesses! Which makes it seem as though he and you were conspiring against me right to my face that day, so you could take him away from here and carry out some secret wedding neither I nor my A-jie knew anything about. We tried to tell ourselves there had been some mistake, some other conclusion to draw that we were missing, but we received word this morning confirming their tea ceremony last night!”

“Jiang-zongzhu, there has been a grave misunderstanding,” Lan Xichen said.

“Then Wei Wuxian is not married to Lan Wangji, and all that I have heard otherwise is in error?”

“He is not,” Lan Wangji intoned, before Wei Wuxian or even Lan Xichen could respond. “Wei Ying is not married to me. Yet. But I am indeed married to him. Xiongzhang means there was no deceit.”

“No deceit? How could he have left here three days ago to pass a short visit with Lan Wangji and come back married to him, without any premeditation?”

“Wei-gongzi and I truly had no ulterior motives when we left Lotus Pier that afternoon. Wei-gongzi and Wangji spontaneously decided they wanted to wed.”

“And they also spontaneously decided to do it immediately and in secret, and without my permission? And you along with them? Why, Lan-zongzhu, so you could carry his amulet off to Gusu for yourself? What do you take me for?”

“Wei Ying will not come to Cloud Recesses,” Lan Wangji corrected. “I will join the Wei Ying in the Jiang sect at Lotus Pier.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be a secret,” Wei Wuxian said to Jiang Cheng, to Shijie’s stunned gaze, begging them to believe him. “It was only to save time. So we didn’t have to travel back if you agreed.”

“That’s why we’re here now, Jiang-zongzhu, with minimal delay – to negotiate the betrothal with the Jiang sect.”

“To save time?” There was a pause. Jiang Cheng was visibly rocked when he finally decided they were telling the truth. It didn’t seem to calm him. “To save time? Wei Wuxian! And what if I don’t agree? What position do you put me in now?”

“It’s my fault, Jiang Cheng,” Wei Wuxian said, because whatever else it was, it was surely that. “Shijie.” Did she believe him? “It all happened suddenly, and I thought …” Wei Wuxian looked for the rest of that sentence, but it wasn’t there. What had he thought? The inside of his mind was the same thick grey as the air in the Burial Mounds. Maybe he hadn’t thought at all.

Lan Zhan’s arm appeared around his shoulders. “Jiang-zongzhu, the responsibility is mine,” Lan Zhan said, close by his ear. “I pressured Wei Ying to perform the ceremony before we came here.” Wei Wuxian tried to shake his head.

“In that case, how dare you, Lan-er-gongzi – but do you really claim Wei Wuxian should have allowed himself to be swayed? Since when would he not stick up for his own family?”

“Wei Ying is … tired,” Lan Zhan said. Wei Wuxian’s own mouth was still stuffed with cloth.

“Tired? In what way does ‘tired’ justify this?”

“Jiang-zongzhu,” Lan Xichen interjected, “the fault in this case truly lies with me, and I owe you, Jiang-guniang, and the Jiang sect my deepest apologies. Their only crime was to be eager in their affections, which I believe are deep and true. I, as sect leader, should never have allowed them to rush into this without negotiating your approval.”

“That’s right – you shouldn’t have! And you, Lan Wangji, you, you … But Wei Wuxian. Lan-er-gongzi says he will join you in the Jiang sect – not that he has my leave to do so – but it really seems as if you decided to go off and make decisions with him and the Lan sect, and never mind us one bit!”

“That’s not true,” Wei Wuxian intoned, prayed. “Jiang Cheng, it’s not true, I …”

“It is true!” Jiang Cheng snapped. “He wears red for you, and neither I or A-jie are involved.” He launched himself from the carved lotus throne. Shijie startled, but didn’t move or stop him. “If the Jiang sect means so little to you, don’t pretend to seek my permission. If you really feel so little respect for it and for my family, there was no need for you to return!” Jiang Cheng had to struggle with his cape for a moment, but he subdued it and stormed out of the hall.

Wei Wuxian stared after him. Every word he knew he’d never say sat on his tongue, heavier than lead or gold. It rendered him dumb.

///

Lan Xichen had not even considered the gossip.

He had indeed broadcast what was happening at Cloud Recesses; he had not even instructed the disciples to be circumspect. He had known they would travel to Lotus Pier immediately afterward, to close the circle with the Jiang sect. It had never occurred to him that news travelled on winds faster than any sail.

Wei Wuxian looked dazed, like he’d been struck. Or like he’d just been passed down a terrible sentence.

Wangji rose swiftly to his feet.

“Wangji,” Lan Xichen said, but he ignored him completely. Wangji strode with rigid purpose after Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Yanli had looked pained when they arrived, which turned tentatively relieved when it appeared the Jiangs’ worst fears were unfounded, then increasingly dismayed at Jiang Cheng’s escalating fury. Now she watched Wangji’s egress with true panic. “A-Xian.” She darted from her position on the dais to Wei Wuxian’s side, shaking his shoulder. “A-Xian, you have to go after them. You can’t let them argue.” He wasn’t rousing himself fast enough, and she dragged him to his feet.

Lan Xichen made to rise also, but she said, “No! Ahem, Lan-zongzhu. Please allow us to handle this within the Jiang sect.”

Her request was flawlessly polite and reasonable and she was halfway out the door with her shidi when she said it, so Lan Xichen reluctantly sank back into his seat, alone in the Jiang’s Sword Hall. He had, perhaps, done all he could do for now.

If Jiang Cheng could not be mollified, if this marriage had been ruined by their impulsive preemption, Lan Xichen will have done far too much.

///

Jiang Yanli dragged A-Xian along the walkways of Lotus Pier. He was too limp, sluggish and slow, and they could not afford that now. A-Cheng had not had too great a head-start, but he would be quick from his ire, and Lan Wangji was certain to find him before they would.

He did. When she and A-Xian rounded the pavilion, they stood facing each other on the uncovered platform before the ancestral temple. A-Cheng had obviously been heading there, to seek privacy, feel his anger and move through it, but Lan Wangji had stopped him on the boardwalk, and A-Cheng was bristling the way Zidian might.

“Lan-er-gongzi,” Jiang Yanli called out. It was vital that a wedge not be driven between them. For the time being A-Cheng was just momentarily upset. The thing he was most upset about, A-Xian’s apparent betrayal, was not true. But if he and Lan Wangji said things that could not be unsaid … A-Cheng could be as stubborn as their father and as venomous about it as their mother. The thought made her want to cry. A real fight now could sour the chances of A-Cheng relenting forever. “Please, Lan-er-gongzi, if you would go back to the hall. Let us discuss this matter as a family.”

“Yes, Lan-er-gongzi,” A-Cheng sneered. “Despite your unsanctioned tea ceremony, Wei Wuxian’s family matters do not concern you.”

Lan Wangji did not back away. He stood rigid and unyielding, his hand iron-tight around his cold white Bichen.

“Lan-er-gongzi,” Jiang Yanli repeated, almost desperately. She shook her didi. “A-Xian, say something.”

Lan Wangji fell to his knees.

Jiang Yanli felt her feet lurch to a stop, a few paces away from them. This tugged A-Xian still as well, and he swayed back beside her. A-Cheng gaped – there was no other word for it. “Lan Wangji … You …”

“Jiang-zongzhu. This cultivator begs you to allow him to marry Wei Ying.” Lan Wangji set the luminous Bichen down on the weathered wood of the boardwalk. He circled his arms, straightened them, and bowed all the way to the ground at A-Cheng’s feet.

“Lan Zhan,” A-Xian croaked, which made A-Cheng’s gaze snap up at him. He stared back and forth between them in bewilderment – at Lan Wangji, in supplication at his feet, and over his head at A-Xian, who stood limp and hollow in the crook of Jiang Yanli’s arm.

“Wei Wuxian?” A-Cheng asked, in a very small voice.

“This cultivator understands the disrespect shown to the Jiang sect by our premature ceremony,” Lan Wangji continued. “This cultivator knows how and why it transpired. This cultivator begs Jiang-zongzhu to lay it at his feet alone.”

“Wei Wuxian?” A-Cheng asked again.

“This cultivator will accept any punishment Jiang-zongzhu would administer. This cultivator will do anything if Jiang-zongzhu will allow him to marry Wei Ying.”

“Lan Zhan ...”

“Stop!” A-Cheng’s voice was high and thin, like only his anger was keeping him from bursting into tears. “What is the meaning of this? Why is Wei Wuxian tired? Why is Lan-er-gongzi on his knees in front of me? Why did you want to save time? What’s happening?”

“Wei Ying was injured during his time in the Burial Mounds,” Lan Wangji said, and Jiang Yanli felt A-Xian jerk in her arms at the mention – the two combined sending a shiver of horror down her spine.

She’d known in some ways that A-Xian was different when he reemerged from his disappearance. She had … only suspected about the Burial Mounds. She had been afraid to think about it precisely, the what or how or why. She had been afraid to ask too often or look too closely. She had not wanted to make things harder for A-Xian. She had been giving him time and space, and waiting for him to go back to the way he belonged.

Now Lan Wangji was kneeling at A-Cheng’s feet over it, and she forced herself to consider – shamefully, for the first time – whether that might not ever happen.

“He is my counterpart, and I would give him my support. Please, Jiang-zongzhu, permit this marriage. I wish to stand always at his side with the Jiang sect.

“He was injured? He came back months ago. Wei Wuxian, what’s he talking about?”

“Jiang Cheng, he’s making too much of nothing, I’m fine, just fine, I …” But A-Xian had rarely been less fine in his life. That had been clear all along.

“A-Xian,” she murmured, stroking his arm gently. She was careful to avoid the touch of his Chenqing, the powerful and dark thing he now carried with him always, but she tried to lend him comfort regardless.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” A-Cheng asked him. “Why did you run off to Gusu to get Lan-er-gongzi to marry you instead of telling me you were hurt?”

“I didn’t go there to marry him,” A-Xian said. “It was just to visit. And then he asked, and I knew, and I …”

“Jiang-zongzhu, I care for Wei Ying. Please allow me to marry him.”

“Well, does he care for you? Wei Wuxian, you don’t have to do this for some desperate reason. You could just ask me for help. You could always have just asked me for help!”

Jiang Yanli thought of the thing A-Cheng had told her last night – they had been pacing the floor sleepless while, as it turned out, a great distance away A-Xian was getting married. He’d told her of how he’d made the choice to leave her to A-Xian’s care after the fall of Lotus Pier, how he’d given himself up to the Wen soldiers so they could get away. How A-Xian had let him down by going back for him instead of taking care of her, just like he was letting them down now by abandoning them in favor of Gusu Lan. She’d heard the underneath-story – the story of how he would do anything for his lifelong brother, and he couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t do the same in return – at least the way A-Cheng saw it. She looked at A-Cheng now. His face was flushed, and his eyes were bright. He was fighting back tears because A-Xian had kept all these things to himself. Because A-Xian had gotten married without them.

She also thought of A-Xian, and how his whole life the thing he’d been told was to always, always help them. He was her didi, not her shidi, and she had tried to live it so thoroughly he would believe it even if she had never really able to speak the words – not as able as she should’ve been, not as able as was right. But she glimpsed, at moments like this, how impossible it was for him to see himself as their equal. She knew he used his dark new power, the one that put a worrying terror in Lan-er-gongzi’s eyes, to protect them – and she felt uneasily responsible. She believed he would carve off pieces of himself, just like A-Cheng would, if he were asked to, only he would never feel entitled to anything in return.

Had it even occurred to him A-Cheng would be upset? Not because it flaunted his authority as A-Xian’s sect leader, but because he would want to be involved?

A-Xian stepped out of her grip – his hand trailing down her arm and squeezing her fingers, a silent ‘thank you’ – and went over to stand next to Lan Wangji. “Jiang Cheng.” He sank to his knees, head high and tilted back, tiredly. “Jiang-zongzhu. I will always return to the Jiang sect. I would never abandon my duty to protect and serve it. I … you … it means very much to me.”

Jiang Yanli pressed her hand to her chest, to both capture and restrain the feeling of those words. A-Cheng’s mouth had opened slightly, a silent plea for help. He was so silly, so dear, unable to bear hearing the thing he most wanted to know.

“I do care for Hanguang Jun, very much. Somehow, miraculously, he is willing to join our family and be with me always, and there are few things in the world I could ever want more. So please, forgive my disrespect, and I beg you to allow me to marry him.” Then he also began the gesture to bow at A-Cheng’s feet.

A-Cheng grabbed him by the arm before he could get that far, physically preventing him. “What do you think you’re doing?” he seethed wetly. “Both of you, get up off the ground and stop embarrassing yourselves. Two of the greatest heroes of the Sunshot Campaign, acting like maidens who’ve read too many love poems.” He practically hauled A-Xian to his feet. “I can’t believe I wish you were drunk,” he muttered, and gave him a shove. It was surely meant to be affectionate, but A-Cheng’s emotions were high and A-Xian staggered back.

Jiang Yanli reached one of A-Xian’s elbows and Lan Wangji surged up and caught the other, and together they prevented him from falling. She sensed Lan Wangji move in unison with her to stare pointedly at A-Cheng.

For his part, A-Cheng looked a little startled. He stared closely at A-Xian. “You’ll let him take care of you, then, won’t you? You’ll let all of us take care of you?” He scowled in desperate worry. “Is it that flute?”

A-Xian was paying no heed as he continued, stuck in growing elation at the first of A-Cheng’s statements. “You mean …”

“Of course! You can get married to the most stuck-up Lan alive if you want to. Bring as many illustrious spouses and concubines into the Jiang sect as you please. If you regret it and come whining to me later, see if I care.”

A-Xian sagged against Lan Wangji. “Just the one will do.” His eyes tracked over to Jiang Yanli, and he grinned. “Shijie, I’m getting married! Though maybe I should apologize. You really should have been first.”

That wasn’t why he might have needed to apologize, but Jiang Yanli would not hold ill will over that. She felt her own gaze draw up to Lan-er-gongzi’s face. He returned it steadfastly. His arm was circled protectively around A-Xian, strong and sure, and he would not easily let him go.

“There’s no need to apologize,” Jiang Yanli said, letting her relief spread a smile across her face. “I’m so happy for you, A-Xian – and you as well, Lan-er-gongzi.”

He nodded at her respectfully. He was quiet and perhaps odd, but for all A-Cheng’s scorn, she’d never found him objectionable. He was good, polite. He would be a fine person to have as a brother-in-law.

He already was, in some ways. “Shall we call for tea now, then, if you two are in such a terrible hurry?”

“Yes,” A-Xian said, his somewhat-husband nodding in agreement.

“No!” A-Cheng exclaimed. “You think is the Lan sect, and you can just drape some red bunting around your shoulders and call it a wedding? This is Yunmeng Jiang. We have some self-respect.”

///

Jiang Cheng made them wait three entire weeks to finish get married.

Lan Zhan was outraged – but where Lan Zhan had been able to sway Lan Xichen and Lan Qiren, since when it came down to it they loved him and wanted their dour young Lan Wangji to be happy, Jiang Cheng did not care one bit about Lan Zhan, so he dug his heels in and would not budge one single inch.

He did ostensibly care about Wei Wuxian, but that didn't seem to matter either.

“We need time to have robes made, time to decorate, time to plan the banquet.” He spoke as if Wei Wuxian was a five-year-old shidi who didn’t know his sword forms. “You’re lucky I don’t make you wait three months, so it would be after the Group Hunt and we could invite the other sects. As it is, we can’t upstage the Jin sect by holding a surprise event beforehand, not without insulting them, and I’m not about to jeopardize A-jie’s invitation from the peacock’s mother on your impulsive behalf.”

Wei Wuxian would never want that either, his low opinion of the peacock notwithstanding, but he also certainly wasn’t going to wait or make Lan Zhan wait three entire months. He tried to take the three weeks as the gift they were.

In fact, Wei Wuxian suspected they were more in deference to Lan Xichen’s uneasy heart than either his or Lan Zhan’s. Once everyone’s tempers had calmed, the two sect leaders had a very long, very sect-leadery conversation in which Lan Xichen once again expressed his apologies for any disrespect, and Jiang Cheng circuitously admitted he had probably gotten angrier than necessary considering everything that had happened had been done in good faith, and the Lan sect was a valued ally of the Jiang sect, and if for some reason Lan Xichen was willing to marry his younger brother to Wei Wuxian – which he clearly was – he himself was honored to welcome the Second Jade of Lan into the Jiang sect. In other words, he of course approved of the match, and he hoped he had not offended his new and powerful in-laws too terribly much with his outburst or the overt acknowledgement of the spies all the major sects had but pretended not to, please and thank you.

Lan Xichen was of course endlessly gracious about it. Perhaps this was simply due to relief that everything had worked out all right. Perhaps it was because he was Lan Xichen.

Once it was all settled, Jiang Cheng was deliriously happy for Wei Wuxian, in his own way that involved a lot of punching and shoving and rude words.

“How dare you, Wei Wuxian – we spent our whole childhoods planning the most extravagant wedding of the age for A-jie. How could you think I would ever let you do something slipshod for your own? Between you and Hanguang Jun, this should be an event the cultivation world talks about for generations, but you decide you can get married in front of me and the lotus stalks and that’s a grand enough wedding for Yunmeng Jiang?”

“We did that because Shijie is our beloved, beautiful, perfect sister!”

“Yes, and you’re a disaster – who even thought you’d get married at all? You’d need twice the pomp and grandeur for it to seem grand enough to be my head disciple’s wedding.”

Wei Wuxian had an emotional feeling when Jiang Cheng said that. He began to understand, possibly, where he had gotten things wrong.

Jiang Cheng kept haranguing him, but Shijie said something about it just once – “A-Xian, I wasn’t there to fix your hair, or help you decide to get married and prepare.”

“Shijie, you’ll be here this time, you’ll fix my hair when the day comes. That was mostly just Lan Zhan’s part, and he had his family there to help him.”

“You poured tea too, didn’t you? You made a promise to them. Weren’t you nervous?”

Wei Wuxian had been terrified. He remembered sitting in the jingshi, writing messy notes on Lan Zhan’s nice paper, trying to get his thoughts in order. When Lan Zhan had walked in, when he’d seen him, he’d decided everything was actually clear … but it would have helped, surely, to have Shijie there with him. Jiang Cheng too, even if he would’ve been intolerable about it.

“What I’m most nervous about is that Lan Qiren will decide he really can’t take it and come kidnap Lan Zhan back before I can secure him properly.”

Shijie smiled and laughed and consoled him over his agonizing wait, and made extra lotus and pork rib soup for Lan Zhan and Zewu Jun, and even helped Wei Wuxian evade Jiang Cheng’s extremely unnecessary sentries and sneak into Lan Zhan’s room at night.

That was an important balm, because being back at Lotus Pier was harder than Wei Wuxian would have thought, even with the blessed distraction of the wedding. Jiang Cheng wanted his help with everything – planning and preparing for the ceremony, Sect business, even picking what tea to serve the Lans at dinner in the evenings. This was probably an effort to make amends, for missing that Wei Wuxian was unwell, for needing Lan Xichen to come and whisk him away to compel him to acknowledge it. It was Jiang Cheng’s way of spending as much time with him as possible – but it was exhausting. Wei Wuxian tried to lean into and match his enthusiasm, but he was a tired person. His betrothal to Lan Zhan had not made a new golden core spring to being inside him, or made the seething darkness he’d replaced it with any less demanding.

So he poured all his energy into Jiang Cheng, and at the end of the day Shijie ferried him to his almost-husband’s side and he collapsed on the floor beside the tea table so Lan Zhan could pour him a drink, or lay with his head on Lan Zhan’s lap, or sat on the bed and meditated while Lan Zhan played him music – and even though beside that last thing this was objectively no different from relaxing or lying still in his own room, it was a thousand times better, because Lan Zhan knew he was tired and it was all right. He didn’t even seem to mind.

When one evening Wei Wuxian rubbed at his shoulder and called Jiang Cheng a barbarian, Lan Zhan looked very serious and told him he would come up with a way to stop it from happening. That doing so was, in fact, why he was here.

“Lan Zhan, you’re here because you enjoy my thrilling company, and also to kill low-level ghosts and monsters with your sword so I don’t have to use my cultivation all the time, not to defend me from my family. What can we say? ‘Jiang Cheng, please stop using your spiritual power to hit your shixiong and running him ragged with robe fittings, he’s a fragile man and can no longer take it’?”

“Yes,” Lan Zhan said. “We told them you were injured at the Burial Mounds. We can imply that is the reason. We cannot spread this story to other sects, because strategically you must not be made to appear weak, but among your family, it is a version of events that will let us do whatever we need to do.”

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian said, impressed. “You’re an esteemed Lan, and your brilliant solution is for us to simply lie?”

“Is it entirely a lie?” Lan Zhan asked severely, and Wei Wuxian was forced to admit it wasn’t.

They slept together, usually. Wei Wuxian lay with his head on Lan Zhan’s chest, listening to his heart beat. He curled around Lan Zhan possessively, running his fingers through his hair. He collapsed boneless on the bed while Lan Zhan got undressed, and was unconscious before he joined him.

Sometimes he made himself go back, sleep alone in his bachelor’s quarters. He felt like he should, for some reason – like he didn’t have the right to lie next to Lan Zhan at ease yet. Not without reservation, anyway.

He was unhappier that way. He thought Lan Zhan was, too. He didn’t like it, itched against it. Soon, soon.

Lan Xichen and Jiang Yanli took tea together nearly every afternoon. Sometimes they would invite one or all of the rest of them to join them, but more often they wouldn’t. A small part of Wei Wuxian hoped these intimate meetings would spark some romantic connection – he would much rather marry Shijie to the First Jade of Lan instead of some tasteless Jin. But probably that was a hopeless prospect. When he pretended to needle her about it (a clever ruse for actually needling her about it), she told him they were simply becoming fast friends over their shared experience being elder siblings to completely hopeless young men.

“That’s not a very nice way to talk about Jiang Cheng,” Wei Wuxian joked back.

Shijie laughed at him. His heart was full.

“If that peacock isn’t as nice to you as Lan Zhan is to me, you can’t marry him,” Wei Wuxian told her.

“A-Xian, very few people could claim to be as devoted as your Lan-er-gongzi is to you,” she said, amused. “But I do take the two of you as an example – that rarely pure things can exist, and as a worthy ideal against which to measure my companionships.” She smiled. “It will only be ten more days now.”

“Jiang Cheng is torturing me! He’s abusing his power. Perhaps you should be Jiang-zongzhu.”

“So it’s mutiny, now,” Jiang Cheng said from the door. “The disrespect grows without cease.” He rolled his eyes so far back in his head Wei Wuxian wondered if he was looking for a nonexistent speck of kindness or mercy in his brain.

Wei Wuxian got properly finally married on a beautiful day. The air was muggy and thunderclouds rumbled over Yunmeng, but it was beautiful because Wei Wuxian put on fine, crisp red garments and went to the gates of Lotus Pier, and Lan Zhan – in ethereal robes and a red weimao – was there waiting for him. They stepped across the threshold of his home together and walked across the courtyard to the joyful din of firecrackers, and bowed in front of Jiang Cheng and Shijie, and bowed to heaven and earth and his ancestors at the Jiang ancestral shrine, and returned to Sword Hall to pour more tea, and then bowed – finally – to each other.

Then they had the greatest banquet of Wei Wuxian’s life. It wasn’t substantially different from other banquets he’d attended in terms of the refreshments or the guests – though Jiang Cheng had done an exceptional job on both, considering he only had twenty days and couldn’t invite anyone from the other sects. It was the greatest banquet of his life because Lan Zhan was sitting next to him in the most elegant crimson clothes, and the thing they were celebrating was that they could keep sitting next to each other forever.

Wei Wuxian was not required by tradition to cry, which Lan Zhan kept quietly reminding him, but he had to periodically wipe a tear off his cheek all the same.

When it grew late and it was time for them to leave their guests and retire, there were no petty guards between him and Lan Zhan. They could walk before every eye in the world to the same quarters, and no one alive could make an argument they should instead be apart. The bed and the room had been dressed in red and hung with symbols of happiness, and there were dates, oranges, lotus seeds, and wine laid out on the table.

Shijie had taken him aside and given him a gentle, private talk about wedding nights. When she’d brought it up, he’d asked her what she might possibly know about his and Lan Zhan’s wedding night, in a reflexive, panicked effort to either turn the situation toward the ridiculous or prevent the conversation entirely, and she’d replied very matter-of-factly that she’d asked Lan Xichen all about the considerations of other anatomies so she would be able to adequately advise him. This had been the most horrific revelation of Wei Wuxian’s life, on a list that included a number of quite horrific things, because it meant he now had to picture Zewu Jun and his Shijie – two luminous and pristine people – sitting at their tea table pragmatically discussing the explicit particulars of things that would be shredded into confetti if they were printed in a lewd book and presented to a younger Lan Wangji in the Lan Library Pavilion.

It was all for nothing, too, because nothing like that happened on Wei Wuxian’s and Lan Zhan’s wedding night. It wasn’t that Wei Wuxian had no interest in such things, either in general or with Lan Zhan (beautiful, lofty, his) in particular. It was just that they were both so relieved to be married they weren’t really worried about anything else. They sat very close together in their half-undone wedding clothes, and shared fruit, and drank wine (well, Wei Wuxian drank wine). Lan Zhan kept looking at him like he was shocked he hadn’t disappeared yet, and Wei Wuxian kept touching Lan Zhan’s hand, and arm, and knee, and hair, because he was right there and he could. Lan Zhan kissed him once, fast enough Wei Wuxian wasn’t entirely sure he hadn’t imagined it, and then they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

Wei Wuxian woke up the next morning, long after five, in that soft tangle of red sheets and red-and-gold robes and half-combed-out hair and a discarded weimao, and found himself gazing into Lan Zhan’s luminous eyes. He couldn’t imagine a more auspicious start.

Wei Wuxian spent the next few days showing Lan Zhan around his home. Jiang Cheng whined that he’d gotten used to Wei Wuxian’s assistance with things, and Shijie shushed him – which meant Wei Wuxian didn’t have to. He took Lan Zhan out on the lakes, they frolicked in the lagoons and pools (well, Wei Wuxian frolicked – Lan Zhan ‘enjoyed the natural beauty of Yunmeng’), and they visited the nearby townships and perused the towns.

Lan Zhan kept almost meeting him halfway and then drawing back. When their hands were close, their fingers would bump and then Lan Zhan would pull his own away. When they sat side by side in a small boat, Lan Zhan would put his arm around Wei Wuxian, shift even closer so they were almost very intimately embracing, then shift away so only his hand was on the small of Wei Wuxian’s back. It was a little maddening and very hard to read. Was Lan Zhan feeling out his own boundaries, or Wei Wuxian’s? Wei Wuxian didn’t know, and he was giving the situation a little time to run its course in case maybe he wouldn’t have to summon the energy or courage to confront it. They had all the time possible, after all. If Lan Zhan needed some, Wei Wuxian would not rush him.

On the fourth day, he had run through most of the things he thought Lan Zhan would particularly enjoy, so he took the excuse to show Lan Zhan his favorite wine house – halfway between the docks and Lotus Pier, near enough to easily walk even when pleasantly drunk but far enough Jiang Cheng might not bother walking that far to fetch him back to do real work. It was well into the afternoon, and he had no responsibilities except being with Lan Zhan, so it was a perfectly fine time to get into his cups – and Lan Zhan kept pouring for him with the most delightfully soft almost-smile, so he kept drinking with little reservation. By the time they left, he was warm all over and feeling very light, and when they reached Lotus Pier proper, he was swaying a little bit. Not because he couldn’t have righted himself if he absolutely had to – but because it was nice and he was having fun. Lan Zhan took his hand, then took his elbow, then released him entirely, then took his elbow again. And some combination of Wei Wuxian’s heart only being able to take so much of this treatment and the more uncertain pieces of his mind being anesthetized with baijiu made him say, “What’s the matter, Lan Zhan?”

This brought Lan Zhan to a halt. He hesitated. He let go of Wei Wuxian again and moved a terribly distant half-pace away.

“Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian peered at him.

He looked very worried. “Wei Ying. I am not sure what you want for us.”

“What do you mean? I want us for us.” If the problem was he was worried about Wei Wuxian’s feelings, well … “You can do whatever you want with me, Lan Zhan. I think you own me, soul and body.”

Lan Zhan stiffened, aggrieved. “Wei Ying. No.”

“I don’t mean it like that, not like I’m obligated! I just mean, you don’t have to hold back with me, Lan Zhan. You’re mine, and I’m yours. Anything you want, I’m going to want as well.”

“Not anything.”

“Sure anything. I can’t think of any things I wouldn’t want.”

“It’s only you who can’t think of them.” Lan Zhan was giving Wei Wuxian a very harrowed look. “There surely are things.”

“No one’s ever accused me a lack of imagination before, Lan Zhan. Why don’t you try me, if there’s something you’re worried about?”

Lan Zhan was at first very still, but after a moment, he drifted toward him like a moth to a flame – a destruction he couldn’t resist. He cupped one hand at the base of Wei Wuxian’s skull. He looked long at him, searching. He kissed his lips to Wei Wuxian’s – lightly, like he was afraid Wei Wuxian would bruise like old fruit. Lingering, like he didn’t think he was going to get another chance. Then he pulled back.

He looked at Wei Wuxian mournfully, as if to say, see? I told you.

Wei Wuxian felt a smile tug at his lips, even if it was rude to laugh at him for being honest and vulnerable. He curled his hands around Lan Zhan’s shoulders, reeling him back in so they were chest to chest. “We’ve done that before, Lan Zhan, of course I could think of it. Try again.”

Lan Zhan held Wei Wuxian. “Wei Ying,” he said, pained, imploring. Don’t toy with me. Don’t tease. I can’t take it. Then he kissed Wei Wuxian again, and it was not light.

Wei Wuxian unsealed his lips and tried to follow along. He’d done this once or twice, with random people he hadn’t really cared about, and he didn’t know what he was doing – but Lan Zhan probably didn’t either, and they only had to get good at kissing one person (each other) so anything other than what Lan Zhan was doing was irrelevant.

Right now Lan Zhan seemed to be trying to devour him, mouth and teeth and grasping fingers, and Wei Wuxian … Wei Wuxian would gladly be consumed. He slumped a little, hanging on to Lan Zhan’s steady shoulders. Lan Zhan held him up.

It broke off suddenly. Lan Zhan stared at him, eyes terrified, chest heaving. Was I right? Was I too much? Do you despise it?

Wei Wuxian held that precious face in his hands. Why was this person so foolish? “Now I’m supposed to ask you to try a third thing, to complete the pattern, but we’re in the middle of Lotus Pier and I’m almost positive whatever’s next would be indecent. More indecent, anyway.” If a servant had seen them kissing passionately like that, it would get around like wildfire, and Jiang Cheng would probably whip him with Zidian. “I expect we’ll be happier to have a bed for it anyway. Am I right?”

Lan Zhan shook his head, and Wei Wuxian felt the brief drop of disappointment, but then Lan Zhan leaned in again and kissed him a third time. This one was slow, like the first, but deep – even deeper than the second. It moved, and moved, and moved, and Lan Zhan’s hands were in his hair. Then he drew back just far enough to kiss his cheekbone. Once, twice, three times. Each one purposeful, worshipful, sure, and he held and maneuvered Wei Wuxian all the while. He kissed his hairline. Kissed his jaw. Down the side of his neck. Across his shoulder.

“Mm,” Lan Zhan hummed in satisfaction into the top of his sleeve, while Wei Wuxian tried to put his heart back into a box that now seemed too small for it. Then, “There are some things I think of that would require the bed.”

“Me, too,” Wei Wuxian breathed, and Lan Zhan nodded serenely.

part five

#mdzs #cql #the untamed #fanfiction #wangxian #there will be one more part which will deal with the baifeng mountain group hunt and jinlintai banquet aftermath #‘i can do this in 1-2 more parts’ she said #yeah 2 parts and only if one of them is 10k #writing is just ‘I played myself’ as a lifestyle #I highly recommend it #so with jc and jyl having heard the gossip from caiyi town abt the shotgun wedding #if we’re being real it would probably take a boat at least 2 or 3 days to get from gusu to yunmeng #so the speed of news transmission here is probably a l i t t l e dramatic #maybe they have magic boats #maybe laypeople have talismans they buy from sketchy street vendors they can use to send messages #maybe a rogue cultivator or some disciple knew the news from caiyi and happened to travel to yunmeng that day #it’s dramatic bc it’s for the drama please roll with me #again with the wedding and cultural disclaimer: i know nothing and this is probably all wrong #my fic #lxc #jyl #jc

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not-majestic-bluenicorn · 3 years

Text

Puzzle || Ink Prints JohnKun Chapter 4

Fandom(s): NCT (127 & WayV)

AU: Soulmates AU

Genre: Romance, Fluff

Relationship: Johnny x Kun

Language: English

Status: 5/5

Chapter WC: 4,413 words

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, Bruises (someone falls of a bike), Divorce.

Chapter Warnings: Divorce

Summary:

“Hey,” Johnny said, snapping Kun’s attention back. “Can I ask you a weird question?”

“Uh,” Kun frowned a little, “sure?”

“Can I like…” Johnny cleared his throat, “hold your hand for a moment?”

AO3

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Tagged: @queen-of-himbos

Johnny left his room and walked all the way to the living room, where his mother was sitting watching TV. At fourteen years, he was already very tall, but he still hadn’t fully grown into his limbs, which made him look a bit uncoordinated and gangly. His mother looked up and smiled, seeing him all dressed up.

“Are you ready to see your father?” She asked, patting the sofa next to him.

“You know he’s not gonna come,” Johnny muttered, taking the place next to her.

He couldn’t see it, but he could feel how his mother tensed up. He could easily imagine her severe rictus and displeased look. She looked at him like that a lot those days. Johnny knew he was right though, because she wasn’t denying it, and because it was already past five in the afternoon and his dad still wasn’t there to pick him up for the weekend. He was okay with that, though, he didn’t actually want to see him anyway.

“Could you take me to see my friends?” He asked. “We made plans.”

“Why would you make plans with them? You know your father is going to come for you!” She reprimanded him.

“He’s not!” He yelled, throwing his arms up. “He misses his ‘turn’ with me almost every single weekend. I want to go see my friends.”

“Then why don’t you spend the afternoon with me?” Her voice softened, and she grabbed Johnny’s hand. “You’ll see them at school anyway.”

“It’s not the same,” he turned his eyes, pulling his hand away. “And what would we even do together? We don’t even like the same things, just take me to see my friends.”

“I can’t take you today,” she took his hand again. “Let’s just stay at home and watch a movie or something.”

“Fine, I’ll go by myself!” He stood up, yanking his hand away.

“John Seo!” His mother yelled.

“Don’t call me that!” He retorted, turning around. “God, you’re so annoying.”

Johnny stormed out of his house in a rush, forgetting his phone and keys. He was angry. His mother was always prohibiting him all sorts of things, and it made his life so difficult. Moving to the neighborhood had been difficult enough. Their apartment was small and cramped, the classes sucked, and Johnny was still struggling to integrate into the new friend group. His father being an asshole didn’t help.

He didn’t quite understand why his mother was always so intent on denying him everything. It was like she was against fun. He didn’t want to be angry at her, but it was so hard when she refused to at least listen to him. The worst part was that he didn’t even know where he was heading to. He had made a scene, and for what?

Stopping in his tracks, he glanced around. The anger seeped from his body and he began feeling unsure. He knew where his friend lived, but didn’t know how to get there. Maybe he should head back to get his phone and call his friends. It was most definitely not the guilt of leaving his mother like that. He just didn’t want to get lost.

The way back took him longer than he would have liked, because he hadn’t been paying attention while running away from home. Once he recognized the area he was in, he ran. The door was still unlocked, so he pushed it softly and tried not to make noise, to not claim his mother’s attention. However, it didn’t matter, because she was currently distracted with something else.

“Can’t you just come see him like you promised?” His mother asked, dropping one hand to her side. “He still needs you.”

Johnny ceased taking off his shoes and sat at the entrance, listening in to the conversation. He knew he wasn’t supposed to do that, but he felt entitled to some answers about the man supposed to be his father. His mother sounded hurt and desperate, and he felt the guilt spill out of his chest into the rest of his being, because he had upset her before, and now she had to deal with his father.

“Then can you at least give me the money?” She asked, lower this time, defeated. “I know you’re still looking for a better job, but Johnny asked me today if I could take him with his friends, but if I do that we won’t have enough gas for the week and I have the money counted.”

He felt his heart constrict in his chest. That was not what he had expected. His mother had never once complained about struggling with money or about his father not paying them the amount he had promised at court. He knew they were trying to save a little by living in a smaller apartment, but he hadn’t realized the situation was that bad.

“What do you mean he shouldn’t go then?” She raised her voice. “He’s a teen, he needs his friends at this age!” He could hear her pace around the room. “No, it’s fine! We don’t fucking need you!”

The cellphone collided with their two-place sofa with a soft thud and his mother sighed. Johnny decided to leave his hiding. He took off his shoes and walked to the living room. His mother was sitting on the sofa with both hands covering her face. She looked so small and tired, and Johnny felt guilt crawling at his throat.

“Mom,” Johnny spoke in Korean, his mother’s native tongue. He hadn’t used it in sometime, as a sort of rebellion for how things had been going between them.

“Youngho-ya,” she raised her head in alarm. “Did you hear all that?”

“I’m sorry…” he kneeled in front of her, grabbing her hands. There were tears in his eyes, but he didn’t want to cry. It was his mother who was hurting the most.

“I imagine you didn’t make it to your friend’s house?” She chuckled, but she was crying too.

“I’m really sorry, really,” he repeated, squeezing her hands.

“I know, it’s okay,” she squeezed his hands back and smiled. “You’re at the right age for rebelling, I’m glad you were able to recognize it was wrong though.”

“Should we watch a movie together today?” He didn’t care about meeting his friends anymore.

“Let’s do that,” she nodded, sniffling a little. “What is that on your cheek?”

“My cheek?” Johnny rubbed at his right cheek, but he didn’t feel anything.

“Wait, let me look,” she gently turned his face and let out a gasp. “Your marks!”

“My marks?” Johnny stood up and ran to the bathroom, where they had a mirror. He got there in time to see the small red panda and bunny hiding under his shirt. He turned around and hugged his mother tightly, knowing that her sacrifice was the reason behind those marks.

“I love you,” she whispered into his ear. He was already her height.

“I love you too.”

Johnny woke up late and ended up rushing to the meeting room. The foreign students were having another conference about how the dorms worked and whatnot, and Johnny was supposed to be there to mentor his peers. He ran to the door and stopped right in front of it, taking a deep breath and making sure his clothes and hair were in order. Kun was in there, he needed to appear chill.

He cleared his throat and walked into the room in silence, mindful of the other mentors in charge of that day’s meeting. Johnny spared one glance at the audience and instantly found Kun, who was looking at him. Kun smiled, and Johnny tripped over his own feet like a fool, almost falling to the ground. He caught himself right on time to avoid breaking his face, but the damage to his pride had been done.

“Are you okay?” One of his friends asked.

“Yeah…” Johnny nodded, but he could feel his skin burning with embarrassment.

He looked up to find Kun covering his mouth as he took notes. It looked like he was trying hard not to laugh, but his shoulders betrayed him as they shook softly. Johnny smiled despite himself. Kun had seemed very serious at first, and Johnny had worried that they wouldn’t be able to get along. But the marks didn’t lie, and it seemed like Kun was slowly opening more; not only to him, but in general.

After the meeting ended, all of his group approached him. They exchanged a few words as they asked him questions they had about the system and whatnot. At some point, Kun sneaked next to him, and when he was done answering questions, he felt a tug on his shirt. Kun was looking at him expectantly, and with a small smile on his face.

“Let’s go eat together?” It was a question more than a suggestion, since they had agreed on nothing, but Johnny nodded enthusiastically.

“Oh? What is this?” Alex asked with a raised eyebrow, leaning into their space. Kun immediately let go of Johnny’s shirt, a little taken aback.

“Kun? You can’t go flirting with our mentor, I’m sure that’s illegal!” Junhui exclaimed, looking half like he was joking and half like he was scandalized.

“Actually-” Johnny didn’t get an opportunity to say much.

“He’s not a teacher Junhui, stop,” Kun rolled his eyes. “Besides-” Kun grabbed his arm where it was uncovered, and it didn’t take long for the others to open their eyes in surprise.

“You’re soulmates!” Yanan exclaimed, a big smile on his face.

“Now this is a surprise,” Handong chuckled, “when did you find out?”

“Like two days ago, actually,” Kun shrugged. Johnny was still looking at him, marveled at his tenacity. “So, should we eat together?” Kun asked again, this time looking back at Johnny.

“Yeah,” Johnny smiled, understanding that he wanted to get away from their friends’ teasing, “let’s go.”

Johnny ended up guiding him to a little restaurant that had homemade style meals. It was small but nice and outside of campus, which meant they were less likely to encounter the others. Kun wasn’t yet quite familiar with actual Korean meals, so Johnny did his best to choose a good variety from the menu so that he could try food to his heart content. Food was, after all, the way to a man’s heart (or something like that).

“I was not expecting you to do that back there,” Johnny said as he observed food put a spoonful of kimchi jjigae in his mouth. The spice didn’t seem to bother him too much as he hummed in delight.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t stop to think if you wanted to show others about our marks,” Kun apologized as soon as he had swallowed his bite. “I should’ve asked you before.”

“It’s okay, I don’t mind, actually,” Johnny shook his head. “To be fair, I thought it would be you who wouldn’t want to tell anyone.”

“Hyung, we’re trying to make this work, right?” Kun smiled. “Keeping it a secret is not the way. Besides… I don’t like being teased.”

“Note taken,” Johnny chuckled, digging into his own food.

The next day, on Friday, they also went out to eat together. Johnny promised to take him out during the weekend and show him Seoul, since they wouldn’t have any meetings to attend or activities to participate in. What they were doing was a surprise, but Kun guessed it would be related to water at the very least, because Johnny advised him to take swimming trunks with him.

When Saturday arrived, Kun met with Johnny outside of the university. They took a taxi to the Han River, and Kun very quickly understood why they were there. It was the middle of summer in Korea, and as it was very hot, water sports rose in popularity. He had never really tried any of those, but the idea seemed exciting to him.

“This is a suggestion,” Johnny explained as they started walking down the river. Kun looked around, admiring the beauty of the place, “but I was thinking we could do wakeboarding, and whoever lasts less on the board pays for today’s meal.”

“Oh, you want to challenge me?” Kun chuckled, looking back at Johnny.

“I’m pretty sure I can win this one, actually,” Johnny smiled, softly pushing Kun with his shoulder. Neither missed the way his red panda tattoo reached towards Kun since he was wearing a sleeveless shirt, but Kun’s shoulders were covered.

“I’ll let you know that I’m pretty good at everything I do,” Kun scoffed.

“Of course, Mr. Perfect,” Johnny’s smile widened, almost turning into a laugh.

“Have you tried this before?”

“One time when I first came to Korea, but I haven’t since,” Johnny shrugged. “It’ll be fun.”

It did end up being quite fun, even though Kun lost by a few seconds. He then convinced Johnny to ride the banana boat with him. By the time they were done, they were completely drenched, but their chests were light with laughter. They sat together by the docks while they waited to dry off a little before going to get changed.

“Turn around,” Kun commanded as he took the towel off of Johnny’s hands. “You’re going to damage your hair if you continue rubbing it like that.”

Johnny turned around and closed his eyes as Kun gently dried his hair. It felt like a massage, and helped him relax. Even after he was done drying it, Kun continued carding his fingers through Johnny’s locks. He had wondered if his long hair was real, and was pleased to find that it was. His roots were starting to show through the blond dye, but it still looked good on him.

“I like your hair, it’s pretty,” Kun smiled, carding his fingers through one last time before sitting back down.

“Thank you,” Johnny turned around, also smiling. “I should probably dye it again soon.” Kun nodded.

After they finished drying and had changed back into their clothes, Johnny guided them back to a picnic area. He put down a blanket while Kun ordered the food. The oldest had insisted they get chicken, because apparently Korea had the best chicken in the world. Kun used the chance to order some more snacks he was curious to try out. They ended up with a blanket full of delicious food, which they somehow managed to finish.

They walked for a while, towards the Banpodaegyo bridge, because Johnny wanted to show him something. The sun began to set while they made their way there. As they came closer to it, a spectacle of music, lights and water started. The bridge lit up in a beautiful display, and Kun let out an exhilarated laugh. Johnny smiled and guided him to a spot where they could see the show better.

“This is really pretty!” Kun exclaimed, turning around to see Johnny staring at him.

It was a little weird, because it seemed like Johnny just liked to look at people. Almost like he was able to learn all about them just by observing. Kun wasn’t sure he was worth being observed like that, but it made him feel a little flattered that Johnny wanted to know more about him, despite the circumstances in which they had found each other.

“Hey,” Johnny said, snapping Kun’s attention back. “Can I ask you a weird question?”

“Uh,” Kun frowned a little, “sure?”

“Can I like…” Johnny cleared his throat, “hold your hand for a moment?”

Kun opened his eyes in surprise before letting out a light laugh. He extended his arm towards Johnny, who grabbed his hand gently. Johnny’s eyes were trained on their tattoos, following them around their skin, marvelled by the sight. Kun looked too. It was a beautiful sight, one he had never thought he would get to see, because finding your soulmates could be hard.

“You don’t have to ask to hold my hand next time,” Kun said after a while, the water show long forgotten. “You can just take it, if you want.”

Johnny looked at him and smiled, squeezing his hand softly. They went back to walking shortly after, this time holding hands. It felt really comforting, despite how little they knew each other still. To Kun, having Johnny there was like an anchor; a sign that maybe he wasn’t making the wrong decision. To Johnny, it was a sliver of hope that maybe things wouldn’t go like they had with his parents.

“Why did you come to Korea, Kun?” Johnny asked him as they made their way back so they could take a taxi. They hadn’t stopped holding hands.

“I’m not sure, actually?” Kun hummed. “I don’t know if I was looking for something, or maybe running away from something… I just kind of woke up one day thinking it would be a good idea, and now I’m here.”

“Hmm,” Johnny nodded, looking down at their linked hands.

“Why did you come here?” Kun asked in return, because he was curious. Johnny had mentioned he missed his mother once, but aside from that, he didn’t know much more.

“I suppose this is as good of a time as any to unlock my tragic past,” Johnny’s voice went dead serious, but then he smiled and broke into a laugh. “Don’t look at me like that, it was a joke.”

“A terrible one.” Kun clicked his tongue.

“I simply came because I wanted to know more about my mom’s culture. She’s from here, my dad is from America though,” Johnny shrugged. “I thought she would want to come with me, but she’s happy over there; and she’s gotten on better terms with my dad after the divorce.”

“I see,” Kun squeezed his hand softly. “Thanks for telling me.”

“Don’t mention it,” Johnny smiled. “Should we head home now?”

The weekend went by fast, and so did the following week. Between meetings and activities, Johnny and Kun found the time to go out and get to know each other better. Johnny showed him all that he knew about Seoul, and it was a lot of fun. It felt, simultaneously, like they had all the time in the world and like they were running out of it.

The Friday of the second week, Kun found himself worrying. His flight back to China was the next day, but he still didn’t feel like he knew Johnny enough. He didn’t feel the certainty that he wanted to feel. Plus, there was the issue with his second tattoo, which he was still keeping a secret.

He was so focused on his feelings, that he completely missed the end of the meeting. He didn’t realize it had ended until Johnny sat next to him and gave him a little nudge. Kun turned to look at him and smiled, putting everything back into his backpack. Finally, the long introductory course was over, but Kun felt like it hadn’t lasted long enough.

“Are you okay?” Johnny asked, looking a bit concerned.

“Yeah,” Kun nodded. “I want to talk to you about something though, let’s go outside.”

Johnny followed him suit to the grounds of the university. They walked a little until Kun found a comfortable bench and sat down, patting the place next to him until Johnny had sat as well. There were two concerns in his mind, but Kun couldn’t bring himself to talk about both of them when he saw Johnny’s worried expression. Instead, he chose the most urgent one.

“I have to go back tomorrow,” he explained. Johnny’s face dulled with realization. “Don’t look so sad, it’s just a few months until the semester starts anyway.”

“Yeah but-” Johnny clicked his tongue. “I completely forgot, I kind of got used to you being here.” He put his head on Kun’s shoulder and sighed.

“I did too, but again, it won’t be for long.” Kun patted his knee.

“Can’t you just stay here until the beginning of the semester?” Johnny asked, a tad hopeful.

“That is illegal, I’m pretty sure,” Kun chuckled. “Besides, I would like to spend some time with my parents before coming here for the next… four years, or so?”

“Fair enough,” Johnny conceded.

“I’ll tell you what, though,” Kun perked up, turning around to face Johnny. “I’ll cook for you tonight, I’ll make it special.”

“I’d love that!” Johnny immediately perked up as well, grabbing Kun’s hand unconsciously.

“Where can I cook, though?” Kun smiled, letting out a small laugh at Johnny’s enthusiasm.

“There’s a kitchen here in the dorms,” Johnny stood up, pulling him along.

“That’s not very romantic hyung,” Kun scrunched his nose, displeased with the idea.

“You’re not going to propose to me, Kun,” Johnny huffed, “we can just have fun.”

Kun ended up agreeing, and Johnny took him shopping for the ingredients. He wanted to try making both Chinese and Korean dishes, so he and Johnny made up a menu on his cellphone and bought everything that was needed. They ended up choosing three main dishes and a bunch of sides to accompany them, although Kun was almost certain he would end up cooking way too much. Especially because Johnny seemed way too excited about trying his food.

When they arrived at the dorm’s kitchen, they found it empty. It was nice, because that meant Kun could cook with ease. He put on an apron that Johnny had insisted on buying and then helped Johnny put on a matching one. Even though Kun had insisted that he could do everything on his own, Johnny wanted to assist him, so he ended up accepting.

Cooking was, in short, a little bit of a mess. Kun wasn’t used to the appliances, and Johnny was very confused when given instructions, but by the end of it they managed to not burn any dishes and have a table full of homemade food. Johnny was ecstatic, to say the least. Kun, instead, was nervous. He worried that his cooking skills wouldn’t be up to Johnny’s expectations. Of course, the worry was unwarranted.

“This is amazing,” Johnny let out a pleased sigh as he put the spoon in his mouth.

“Really?” Kun looked at Johnny with expectation.

“I’m serious, it’s so good,” Johnny chuckled. “Let me try this one next.”

They ate to their hearts’ content, and to Kun’s surprise, they ended up finishing almost everything. Johnny immediately offered to clean the dishes, but Kun insisted on helping him anyway, so they did it together. When they finished, Johnny walked Kun to his dorm room. It was kinda late, and they were both sleepy after having eaten that much, but they still fell into quiet chatter.

“Will you come to the airport to see me off?” Kun asked as they reached his door.

“Naturally, I don’t want your parents to think badly of me,” Johnny muttered. Kun laughed it off.

“See you tomorrow then,” Kun smiled.

“See you.”

The rolling of his suitcase numbed Kun’s hand as they headed over to the gate. His flight was boarding at that moment, and Johnny was following him like an anxious puppy until the last point where they could be together. Kun’s heart was divided in half. He was feeling a bit homesick, and wanted to get home to his parents and tell them everything that had happened in those two weeks. At the same time, he didn’t want to leave Johnny behind.

“I can’t go any further,” Johnny muttered, grabbing his hand.

Kun stopped walking and turned to look at him, letting out a little sigh. Johnny smiled. His eyes mirrored what Kun was feeling. Without saying a word, he opened his arms, and Johnny smiled excitedly as they shared a hug for the first time. An actual hug, because they had held hands before and put an arm around each other’s shoulders. It was nice, and it made Kun feel certain that he was doing the right thing after all.

“I’ll see you in a few months,” he promised. Johnny nodded before letting him go.

The distance didn’t last them much, because they talked basically all day everyday. Kun’s parents often asked about Johnny, and he was more than happy to let them know what he was up to. They had even talked through a phone call once, with Kun serving as a translator. Johnny had also gotten creative with the virtual dates, finding all sorts of games and activities to do while they were apart.

They often had movie nights, and even cooked together sometimes while wearing the matching aprons they had gotten before. Johnny had even decided to go visit his mom, and introduced Kun to her. Those two weeks Johnny had spent back in America had been the most painful ones, because the time difference was a lot, but once he came back to Korea, it was easy to settle back into their routine.

Johnny-hyung: what are u doing?

Kun: studying Korean, why?

Johnny-hyung: your Korean is really good, don’t do that

Kun: what should I do instead, then?

Kun rolled onto his back with his phone on his hands, smiling to himself. He had taken to seriously studying Korean while he was at home, wanting to make sure that he wouldn’t be behind his peers once classes started at the university. Plus, it made communication with Johnny easier, without much use of an online translator.

Johnny-hyung: pay attention to me

Kun: that’s not nearly as productive

Not even a minute passed and Johnny was already calling. Kun let out a laugh as he answered the call, having known fully well that Johnny would do that. The oldest immediately complained, arguing that talking to him was far more productive because he could practice his Korean and talk to his soulmate at the same time, which was a big advantage. Kun conceded, still laughing to himself.

They talked for a little while until the sun set, and Kun began to feel sleepy. He was about to ask for the call to end when Johnny’s tone changed. It immediately woke him up, feeling as if the air had turned heavy around him.

“Hey Kun…” Johnny cleared his throat. “There’s something I haven’t told you, and I wanted to be honest with you before, but I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“Well,” Kun felt his heart drop inside his chest. “It’s okay, you can tell me.”

“Okay, right,” Johnny took a deep breath, before letting it out. “I have a second mark.”

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razorblade180 · 4 years

Text

Twin Snowflakes pt14:Getting ready

It was the middle of the night and Veronica was still awake. She sat on the floor of her happily swaying her tail side to side as she admired her own tailoring work. ‘Not a bad job on such short notice if I do say so myself.’ She thought while rubbing her stomach.

A low growl came from it. Walking away from dinner was a mistake. Veronica looked at the clock to see it pass midnight. ‘Technically it’s breakfast time.’ She decided to poke her through the ground to see what was underneath her. Sad to say, it was a bathroom. A very fancy bathroom, but not a kitchen. Still, it had to be on this floor. Veronica phased through the rest of the floor; landing in the shower before exiting the entire room to the hallway.

It didn’t take her long to find the kitchen. Her eyes might not work in the dark but her nose was just fine. Veronica stared at the various options in the fridge and got a little tempted. They had smoked ham; cured smoked ham. The smell alone made her eyes constrict, becoming cat-like until she shook her head. ‘Don’t even. If you start then you won’t stop. Self control Veronica, self control.’ She took her attention off of it and saw someone had wrapped up her unfinished meal along with Summer’s; Yang’s doing no doubt.

Veronica grabbed the plate and took it out. She was tempted to eat the pasta cold when the unexpected flick of a light blinded her. Veronica instinctively hissed and shielded her face. “Ow, who the-”

“Oh, you’re here. Now things make sense.” Said a familiar but entirely different voice. Veronica felt the hair on her tail stand up and she looked to see Summer there. Except, the sensation she was getting immediately told Veronica that it wasn't Summer, but Shiva. The frosty girl rubbed her eyes and walked closer until Veronica was forced to move around to the other side of the kitchen. Not taking any chances and walking across the counter top. Shiva opened the fridge and grabbed milk, ice cream, and parfait filled with fruit.

Shiva:You know...walking up there is very unsanitary right?

Veronica:.....

Shiva:Okay, do whatever you want. Can you pass me a spoon though? First cabinet below you.

Veronica did nothing for a second before Shiva held out her hand. Veronica slowly reached for a spoon and tossed it into her hand. Shiva smiled and got busy grabbing a cup and started making a milkshake. Veronica didn’t move. This was the first time she had actually seen Shiva. Nick had told her about the physical difference thankfully but that wasn’t all. Shiva’s voice held a certain distortion like faint cracking ice. Then there was her smell. It was different from Summer's. It was… disgustingly fresh; like the feeling of chewing a mint in the cold while the wind blew. Against her better judgment, Veronica got back on the floor.

Shiva:Finally coming down Veeeerrr… Veronica? That’s your name. Sorry, Summer May think about you from time to time but that doesn’t mean I have to pay attention or am around. I gotta say, I thought you’d be taller.

Veronica:What the hell is going on?

Shiva:I was wondering the same thing before I walked in here. Summer never forgets to turn on her heater. She wasn’t even under her covers; that’s a new level of recklessness. “How could she be so exhausted and distracted” is what I was thinking. My guess, a total accident because she was distracted. You say something to her?

Veronica:(Of all the fuc-) The dumbass was probably pouting after our little chat and dozed off.

Shiva:Yeah she's like a bicycle wheel. Her mind runs pretty well until you throw something in between the smokes. I however, am more like a monster truck.

Veronica’s body tensed as Shiva reached for the milkshake. ‘Is she trying to get colder?’ That could get bad. Yet Veronica was strangely okay. Her ears faintly hearing the rest of the residents soundly snoring. Then something clicked.

Shiva:I can’t remember the last time this body even had a milk-

Veronica:Let her go.

Shiva:Huh?

Veronica:You heard me. *cracks knuckles* Let Summer go.

Shiva:Well then, someone went from spineless to bold in no time. I’m just trying to enjoy-

In the fraction of a second there was no longer a milkshake or parfait near her. Instead she was looking up at Veronica who stood over her with a glare just as frightening as her own. Shiva couldn’t help but smile out of intrigument and agitation.

Veronica:I was never scared. Startled for sure, but never scared of something like you. In case you didn’t know, Summer’s never beaten me in a fight and you’re giving me the perfect excuse to hit her in the face.

Shiva:You’d have to be real stupid to think it would be easy to-

Veronica:To what, beat up a body that’s starving for food and apparently calcium. I know when Summer’s at her best so believe me when I say I can knock you on your ass in five seconds and catch her body before she wakes up; something you definitely wouldn’t like right now.

Shiva:.....Hmph, I like your eyes. They’re broken like hers. Count your blessings you aren’t the one with dust in their veins. Now that. Would be interesting.

Veronica:You really are insane if you’re comparing me to her.

Shiva:And you’re dumb to think I’d try anything in this place again. So many thermostats, so many loved ones and ground to cover. I couldn’t make it out this place on the coldest day; especially with your pain in the ass of a mom.

Shiva chuckled as Veronica grabbed her shirt. ‘They are definitely similar, and yet..” Shiva couldn’t put her finger on it but there was something about Veronica she particularly hated. This girl she just officially met had instantly become number two in her list of people to deal with if she got the chance. But for tonight, Shiva was out of time. Not like she actually had a plan. A milkshake was the goal because yes, this body needed calcium.

Shiva:Can you do me one favor since you ruined my night? Seriously, get this girl some milk or something. The cold has a way of screwing with bones. The fool knows this and purposely does it in fear of me taking over. She would have broken something today if not for me.

Veronica:You almost sound like you care.

Shiva:Her health is my health. You know what they say, your body is a temple. And from the way you were eyeing the ham it looks like I’m not the only temple that isn’t being well kept.

Veronica:Tsk, do me a favor and fuck off already.

Shiva:That answers that. Goodbye Veronica. For your sake I hope you never stand in my way. I might enjoy myself too much dealing with you.

And with those words, Shiva fizzled out. Leaving nothing but a sleeping Summer Schnee that fell into the faunus girl’s arms. Veronica stood there a moment to collect her thoughts. This was far more excitement than she was looking for at night. Worst part was she wasn’t entirely sure what to do. The situation was handled, so should she wake someone anyway? Does she tell them later?

Veronica lifted Summer like a bride and looked at her before looking at the food left out. ‘I guess I’m having a cheat day today.’ Her eyes looked at the milkshake as she came to that conclusion. ‘Since I’m destroying evidence, maybe it was best to keep quiet? If this encounter was my fault then that means I can control it so it won’t happen again.’ She reasoned. Carefully she started the walk to Summer’s room with a look of pure displeasure. ‘Just another reason to be on my best behavior I suppose. Tsk, as if I needed any more.’

xxxx

The night might’ve been eventful for Veronica but to Summer, it was over in a wink. The girl’s body had naturally woken up and she stared into the darkness of her room that barely had any light coming through her blinds and the red dot on her heater.

“Still early” Summer groaned, “even by Nick’s standards most likely.” There was no real reason to get from underneath her cozy covers just yet. A shower could wait for a bit. Besides, Veronica had her uniforms; there was no rush to see her so early. Valerie definitely wasn’t up this early. The mental list of people to chat with quickly shrunk. There was one person possibly awake Summer thought, and she actually should’ve called them yesterday.

The girl rolled over near her nightstand and grabbed her scroll, hitting a custom icon in the shape of a cane.

Oscar:Hello?

Summer:Hey Oz. Sorry if I woke you up, and for not facing timing for my appointment.

Oscar:Don’t feel bad about it. Yesterday was a busy day for you from what I saw.

Summer:Man you wouldn’t bel-....saw?

Oscar:Penny showed me the video.

Summer:Ugh! *covers face*

Oscar:I heard a face palm. Everything okay? And I mean really okay?

Summer:.....No, no it isn’t. I completely blew it yesterday. All that training over winter break, no, all the training this year and I’m not strong enough to stand on my own. Nothing is changing. I fight, get overwhelmed, Nick steps in; this time with a new ability. I’m the one who’s an expert with glyphs and yet he completely overshadowed me with summoning. Not only that, but now I have Veronica to deal with for a while. Who probably is eavesdropping right this moment. I feel like I can’t get a win! Even my music doesn’t feel up to par recently which is terrible considering I have to perform soon. What if I-

Oscar:Summer!

His shout stopped her from spiraling. He couldn’t see her face but he could hear her sniffing. Oscar waited patiently, listening to the girl trying to calm herself down with deep breathing exercises they had practiced day in and day out. Summer’s camera turned on and Oscar was greeted with rosy cheeks and slightly red eyes.

Oscar:If you gotta cry then go ahead.

Summer:I’m sick and tired of crying. What good is it anyways?

Oscar:Hey, crying is great sometimes! I cried a lot whenever I got frustrated traveling with everyone.

Summer:Really?

Oscar:Hell yeah. I was stressed and overwhelmed constantly because I felt weak. Also I constantly dealt with Qrow being dumb.

Qrow:You’re alive aren’t you!?

Oscar:Sir, I’m in the middle of a session. I’ll be with you after. *smiles*

Summer:Hehehe, I forgot Winter said something about him tagging along.

Oscar:He’s not the only one. Adrian wanted to tag along and then of course you know who’s ship we ended up on.

Summer:!!!? You're on Sparrow’s ship!?

A loud voice off screen answered her question. “Did someone say my name!?” The voice cried out. Oscar rolled his eye playfully as he flipped his camera to show Summer that Qrow and Adrian was fishing right next to a man. A young man that was barely in his twenties and wearing captain’s uniform, as if he was running some fancy cruise liner. Complete with the hat.

His face was clean shaven for once and his wavy brown hair that matched his eyes was put up in a bun. He looked over at the camera and immediately greated Summer with the goofiest smile he could make.

Summer:Hey Sparrow, it’s been awhile. How’s the sea life?

Sparrow:Better now that I’m not in the military!

Qrow:I’m telling Winter you said that.

Sparrow:Stop, she’s already mad I didn’t stop by in between jobs.

Adrian:Catch a giant fish and maybe you’ll buy our silence.

Sparrow:You’re on!

Oscar:Your cousin is the only sailor crazy enough around here to go searching for the gods. Also he’s extremely affordable; helping family is free of charge.

Summer:Thanks, all of you. Personally I wouldn’t want you all to go this far for me but-

Sparrow:You’re family. Since when the hell is there a price or distance on that?

Adrian:He’s right.

Qrow:If I taught this numbskull anything, it’s that right there.

Sparrow:Beer pong too.

Qrow:Ssssshhhhh

Oscar:Getting back on track, progress wasn’t made in a day. Sometimes it’s not even made by training. I’ve watched that video at least a hundred times already.

Summer:I wish you didn’t tell me that.

Oscar:My point is that progress just happens in an instant. A moment that makes everything click or demands your body to push beyond what it couldn’t do. Don’t trick yourself into thinking Nick got this moment in wanting not to waste yours and Valerie’s efforts. So he dug deep in order not to disappoint you both.

Summer:I….I know this. We’ve always pushed each other along; the ultimate duo. Yet I’ve always felt like he’s not only giving more than I can give, but he’s preventing me from giving all I’m able to give.

Oscar:Oh?

Summer:Hey...can I say something? Something you won’t write down?

Oscar:Go right ahead.

Summer:For awhile now I can’t help but feel...like he’s in my way. And it makes me so irritated to see that no matter what, my big brother is right there. Always ready to put things on hold for his baby sister. I’d rather take a loss than see him do damage control.

Oscar:You feel like he’s smothering you? Have you told him?

Summer:Almost, then I lost the nerve. He’s so patient with me and understanding. Yet I wish he’d be upset with my mistakes and hold me accountable. I wouldn’t mind him raising his voice at me or calling me out like-

Oscar:Veronica?

Summer’s eyes went wide. Is that what she wanted? No, well...no. Not exactly.

Summer:That would be a little much I think. I don’t think I could cope.

Oscar:But you do realize that maybe you continue to associate with Veronica and egg her on because you admire her confidence and you desire some form of tough love?

Summer: I mean...I do admire her confidence; not to mention her looks. Tough love though? That’s sugar coating it I think. She hates me.

Oscar:Maybe. I’d love to talk to her one on one at least once. I can’t say what her exact opinion is on you but it could be possible that you think she hates you way more than she actually does? Now may be a good time to figure it out.

Summer:I think I would need about a hundred journals to even express what one day of being around her would feel like.

Oscar:Speaking of journals, have you gotten a new one? I’m not letting you slack on this.

Summer:All my journals are underneath my bed. Including the new one. Not sure how much it’s helping. Writing down my personal feelings, it scares me. Like the words might jump out at me.

Oscar:...I may be out of line here and off base but, Summer, don’t hesitate to call me or Penny for anything. And I mean anything. Life is a precious gift.

Summer flinched at those words. The look on his face was one of complete calm and concern all at once. Summer got the message clear. Playing dumb would be an insult, and yet she smiled anyways at him.

Summer:You worry too much Os. Things are bleak but not that bleak. Don’t worry your pretty little head; honest.

Oscar:...Okay, I trust you. I just wanted you to remember that people can only help so much and help so effectively, depending on how much you let them in. Walling us off from anything important, it could be risky.

Summer:Thanks for your concern but I promise you that I’m fine. I should probably start getting ready for school now. Call you again, Regular appointment time?

Oscar:I’ll have my scroll charged and ready. Have a good day at school. Remember-

Summer:One step at a time. You say it constantly. Penny really needs to finish this baby chamber thing she’s making. I think you have baby fever or something. Always doting on me.

Oscar:You’d be jealous the moment Penny and I have a baby.

Summer:I would. Take care of yourself...uncle.

Oscar:!? Did you just call me-

Summer hung up immediately. Yeah she meant those words, but saying it out loud was too embarrassing to deal with. Not even out of her pjs yet and she was already a little drained; and she still had one more person to talk too!!!

‘Let’s get this over with.’ Summer hopped out of the bed and quickly made her way to Veronica’s room. The faster she gets there means the faster it will be over.

It only took a second Summer to stand at the door. She only got two knocks in before the door swung open and Summer was greeted with tired eyes. Veronica’s hair was ruffled and her tail was frizzy around her waist, yet she was already fully dressed in the uniform she borrowed. Veronica made it fit like a glove. Even in the simple white button up and black skirt, she looked gorgeous. Veronica bent down to fix her black calf high socks while keeping eye contact.

Veronica:I take it you’re here for your clothes? Give me a sec.

Summer:H...how long have you been up?

Veronica:Don’t know. A couple hours? Had to make sure I could readjust the size of this when I gave it back.

Summer:You wrap your tail around your waist for school.

Veronica:What’s with all the dumb questions so early? It’s your uniform. Cutting a hole for my tail would be stupid; I’m giving this back. Unless you want people looking through a hole in your skirt?

Summer:*red* Now look who’s asking dumb questions?

Veronica:Shut up and be productive. Strip and try on the clothes while there’s still time.

Summer:S-Strip? We don’t have to. I mean it’s no big deal if whatever you did is a little-

Unamused eyes glared at Summer, shutting her up. Of course Veronica’s designs were a big deal. Everything is a big deal with her. Summer didn’t put up a fight and walked in, closing the door behind them.

Summer:Can you at least turn around until I’m finished?

Veronica:That doesn’t do me much good. I intend to make sure I have your proper measurements. Suck it up and deal with it. We’re both women and don’t you have P. E. as a class? Undressing shouldn’t be a problem.

Summer:I...don’t undress typically. If I do I try to do it alone. The eyes on me are unnerving.

Veronica:You’re a performer.

Summer:That’s completely different and you know it. I display my voice on stage. Not my scars.

Veronica:This again?

Summer:Tsk, I don’t even know why I try with you sometimes. Of course you wouldn’t understand this. Must be really easy to say the things you do when your body is perfect.

Veronica:If you’re assuming that I judge people by their body or appearance, then everyone gives you too much credit when it comes to how smart you are. Only scum would ever be so shallow and daft. Since when the hell have I ever belittled you about your scars, something you couldn’t control?

Summer:......

Veronica:Think before you speak to me like that again.

Bickering was normal between them. This is how it’s always been. So why did Summer feel guilty about it this time? More importantly, why did Veronica sound so defensive? The only other thing she said after was asking Summer if she had permission to touch her. A question that confused her for a moment before she nodded. Maybe it was a designer thing.

Veronica grabbed the sleeve of Summer’s shirt, as well as the waistband of her pants. There was a brief moment of nothing happening that confused Summer. She almost asked what was going on until Veronica tugged on the clothing and it passed right through and off of Summer’s body; making the girl yelp. Just what else could Veronica do with her semblance? The faunus was entirely too good with it for someone who doesn’t wanna be a huntsman.

Summer had no time to think about it however since Veronica’s warm hands on her Summer’s hips snapped the girl back into reality. Veronica took her time with whatever she was doing. It was definitely more than measurements. Her hands gently traveled down each leg, feeling the muscle groups and gently touching each scar on the way down. Sometimes her thumbs pressed a little harder in certain areas.

Veronica could feel different spots of tension and the cold dust that ran through each scar. Her hands finally started to go up after examining Summer’s feet. The accent went to the waist and upwards. Each digit rolling over a rib. Veronica made sure to be very thorough and listen to the sounds Summer and Summer’s body was making. The sounds told a story and Veronica’s ears could listen to it. Last place was her chest and back which Veronica gave a little more force over places like Summer’s spine and scars. Summer oddly felt like she was being sculpted out of clay.

Veronica finally let go and grabbed the tape measure. That only took a few seconds though. Summer figured it might’ve been because those numbers weren’t high to begin with unfortunately. Step three of this process also went quick. Veronica grabbed one of the uniforms and phased it right on to Summer’s body perfectly. The length remained but all the excess baggy material was apparently tucked in or removed. Nothing felt too tight or loose as Summer moved her body around. Even that felt lighter. These adjustments were outstanding. All this progress in a night!

Summer:Woah, this is….disturbingly comfortable. Form fitting around my arms, but not tight.

Veronica:The only thing disturbing is how impressed you are about clothes that fit. Any complaint you have about the skirt length you can fix with simple leggings.

Summer:...Thanks for this, and sorry. I was out of line a moment ago.

Veronica:Hmph…...I prefer actions rather than words. If you really feel that sorry about it then I expect compensation.

Summer:What…? You want me to pay you as an apology?

Veronica:Your money is worth absolutely nothing to me. You are going to help me with a variety of tasks I need in order to make the best outfits possible. Then you’re going to wear them.

Summer:Oh, So you want my influence and connections to get free self promotion?

Veronica:This kingdom has its eyes on you. Someone is bound to talk about who’s doing your wardrobe. Considering how one of these outfits happen to be your tournament outfit, I think offering to lift a finger or two wouldn’t be too much to ask.

Summer:I thought it was finished?

Veronica:Not with the measurements I just got from you. Too small for you and I have some ideas to improve it now. So do we have an agreement or not?

Summer:.....

Veronica:You hurt my ears yesterday.

Summer:Fine, don’t have to guilt trip me.

Veronica:Perfect, you can start right now.

Summer:What!?

Veronica:From now until I leave I expect you to stretch your entire body when you wake up and before bed; dynamic stretches that focus slight tension around the ligaments in your left wrist and right knee especially. I could feel how worn out your body is. I expect better from a fighter that can pay for any spa. The unnecessary stress in your shoulders need to be fixed too.

Summer:(She got all that from just touching me?) Why does this sound like a health care routine and what does it have to do with-

Veronica:Questioning my methods won’t get you any closer to understanding them. Just do it.

Summer:Next you’re going to tell me what to eat with demands like this.

Veronica:Milk, at least two cups a day. Vanilla, regular, chocolate, warm, I really don’t care.

Summer:I wasn’t being serious!

Veronica:Well I am. Your bones need calcium from what I could feel. If I punched your ribs right now they would probably crack like a glow stick.

The way she worded that made Summer scrunch her face in pain. She could feel them ache already.

Summer:Fair point, but I have this thing against dairy-

Veronica:Are you going to keep making excuses, or are you actually going to give something your all for once? Not that I care. I can use a few more videos of you getting flung like a rag doll.

Summer:That’s not going to happen again.

Veronica:Less words, more action. I’ve said my peace, now I’m heading out.

Summer:School isn’t for another two hours.

Veronica:I’m aware. Perfect time to explore a little and find something remotely inspiring.

Summer:I don’t think Yang would like you walking around all-

Veronica:Summer, have I ever listened to you before? Like at al?

Summer:....

Veronica:Exactly.

On that note, Veronica grabbed the scarf she was given and fell through the floor, their conversation over. It went pretty well considering all things. They bickered and said a few choice words but strangely, Veronica wasn’t as mouthy. ‘Maybe mornings aren’t her thing.’ Summer concluded. They definitely weren’t hers.

Summer pulled out her scroll and decided now was probably a good idea to pass the baton to Nick instead of keeping quiet about Veronica’s plan to galavant around.

Nick:Hello? Summer, why are you calling me so early? Wait, why are you calling me?

Summer:Too lazy to walk. Just thought you should know that Veronica decided to go exploring around the town.

Nick:I’m sure she can find her way around.

Summer:She’s in a school uniform. Not to mention she isn’t wearing a bow or anything. It’s only gonna take one stupid person making a tasteless comment and-

Nick:Our school ends up taking heat.

Summer:To be fair, she looked pretty quiet and not very energetic. Just thought you should know.

Nick:What’s your plan?

Summer:To let you deal with it. I’m going back to bed for awhile. Feeling a bit drained.

Nick:I’m pretty sore myself. I’m sure she’ll be fine.

Summer:If you say so.

Their call ended immediately and Nick rubbed his eyes before laying face down on his pillow. ’She’ll be fine.’ He told himself whilst trying to go back to sleep. At least ten minutes had to pass before he flipped over on his back. “.....”

Nick silently cursed under his breath and hoped out of bed, annoyed by his troubled mind. It’s not that he didn’t trust Veronica, but it would really suck if something did happen. Especially after Yang asked him and Summer to keep an eye on her. “Looks like I’m getting dressed early today.”

His morning routine wasn’t long, or even complicated. In half an hour he was physically ready for the school day. The cold air outside should wake him. Nick was about to leave when he smelt something cooking the kitchen. He poked his head around to see Yang cooking some eggs. Nothing unusual, but he’d be lying if he didn’t say he was more than a little uncomfortable with how short her shorts were and loose fitting tank top. He wondered if she forgot that this wasn’t her house.

Nick:Ummm…

Yang:Oh, Hey Nick! You’re up early.

Looks like she just did not care. Now he knew Veronica got a trait from Yang that wasn’t physical

Nick:Yeah I couldn’t sleep any longer.

Yang:Well if you wait a little longer before leaving then I can make you some breakfast? I’m hoping the smell of eggs and some ham will get Veronica down here. With you she’s bound to eat it.

Nick:Uhhh Summer said Veronica left like forty minutes ago.

Yang:She wha- that little sneak!!! I bet she knew what I was planning. Sigh...damnit…

Yang cracked an egg a little too hard and it splattered on the stove. The yoke that got in her hand started to sizzle faster than in the pan. Then look in her eyes wasn’t anger though, but concern.

Nick:Is breakfast a big deal for you?

Yang:It’s not breakfast that matters, but the food. It’s been like three months since that kid has eaten actual meat.

Nick:I’m...not sure I see the problem. Does this have something to do with the kind of faunus she is. Actually, now that I mention it, I’ve never seen Veronica eat meat.

Yang:Because she intentionally doesn’t eat it around people or tries to avoid it in general. Can you keep a secret, or at least keep it within this house? Weiss and Jaune already know.

Nick:Yang, keeping secrets is like my best quality. That actually sounds bad out loud. Second, it’s my second best quality.

Yang:Hehehe. Look, having two faunus traits isn’t as simple as dealing with a tail and ear problems; her very genes are turned up to an eleven. Her hearing is better than Blake’s by a wide margin and even her sense of smell is extremely sharp. It sounds helpful but…

Nick:It’s overstimulating?

Yang:She’s gotten pretty good at honing it early on, but not so much with other things. Different faunus have different...impulses. Their fight and flight reflexes are even different than humans because of whatever animal instinct they have. Blake is a feline, a panther. If she’s angry, she gets angry. When she craves food, it’s typically fish. Any urge she has is related to that of a panther.

Nick:Okay, that’s not exactly new to me. So Veronica feels these “urges” or “instincts” in certain situations, but it’s more intense.

Yang:Let me put it to you like this. Blake on her worst day is still very much in control of her actions. It’s simple for any faunus to stave off any particular urge because it’s basically the same thing as refusing to act on adrenaline. Veronica’s worst day makes her as intense as Ghira fighting for his life. Regular days are Blake’s worst days.

Nick:That...explains a couple of things.

Yang:Basically, her hormones are a little frazzled. Veronica gets around this little hurdle by choosing to not indulge in what feeds those instincts. Panthers are predators…

Nick:So she rarely eats meat. The way you talk makes it seem like that’s very bad.

Yang:Image being a grimm coming at you and telling your body not to do the instinctual thing and move. She represses those instincts because she finds them uncivil and deplorable. Pushing it down only builds tension however. Veronica is naturally hot headed and scrappy but being irritated and having a short fuse comes from her eating habits.

Nick:Indulge too much, and she feels like she becomes essentially feral. Don’t indulge at all then…

Yang:She’s a bomb trying not to blow up about every little thing.

Nick:High school is gasoline then!

Yang:That’s why I wanted her to eat! Once she gets actual food that her body wants then she can control that temper way better and think clearly. Her eyes and nails even stop being feline like and just go back to normal.

Nick:Why didn’t we know any of this before?

Yang:It’s a lot for people to handle, and Veronica hates people knowing. I try helping her with this sort of thing but it’s not like I can exactly understand what she’s feeling. She only really comes to Blake about it. All I do is find ways for her to expel all that tension through boxing and anything else. Eventually we get her to eat normally but then she goes back to her regular routine until the urge becomes too overpowering.

This really did explain a lot. Nick wondered if he'd actually seen Veronica function at a hundred percent. He could recall a couple times he’d seen get out of hand, furious about one thing or another that ended in a fight. Nick vividly remembered her and Valerie giving each other black eyes. That was years ago. Yeah, she’s definitely gotten better in comparison.

Nick:Well I’m actually about to go chase her down and just make sure she’s okay. I got worried something could happen to her.

Yang:*smiles* It’s terrible how accurate Weiss praises you. (I can also see why Veronica is head over heels for you) I hate to be a bother but-

Nick:I’ll make sure she eats something fatty. School doesn’t offer much vegetarian options so it shouldn’t be hard.

Yang:I owe you big time for this. I mean it.

Nick:I’m paying it forward. Veronica is always in my corner. Being in her corner isn’t anything new. I’ll try to not tell her you told me all this either.

Yang:Trust me, she’ll figure it out. I pray for your success!

Nick gave a thumbs up and ran out the door. Yang started to clean up the mess she made. A long sigh escaped her lips as she continued thinking about her daughter and the kind boy willing to try. A twinge of guilt hit her heart. She couldn’t tell if it was because she talked about affairs Veronica didn’t want people to know, or because she didn’t tell Nick everything. Not the most important pieces. No one knew the important pieces. Yang wiped a tear from her face. Even she knew that she was missing an important piece. She was sure of it.

Yang:(Maybe…just maybe, she’s what he needs right now. Obviously I’m not.)

Part 13

#rwby #rwby au #rwby twin snowflakes #veronica belladonna #summer schnee #nicholas schnee #yang xiao long #oscar pine #qrow branwen #adrian cotta arc #sparrow branwen

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my-brothers-corrupted · 4 years

Text

My Brothers, Corrupted

Chapter Three : Section Eight : Places to Find Home

Chapter One l Chapter Two l Chapter Three

Trigger warning for discussions of abuse.

While Henrik struggles to cope with the knowledge he’s gained about defeating Anti and revisits a familiar site, Red and Dapper push and pull against the idea of trusting Max, who offers to take them to the store for some of the necessities they’ve been missing for days. Dapper finds fault with his master’s taste in clothes. Ro can’t keep his thoughts fixed on the merchandise.

Places to Find Home

A day later and Henrik has not left his room. Whether sulking or numb or simply too distressed to draw himself out of his fear, you’ve watched him turn down three meals, sit up through a whole night, and have one dead-faced shut-down without requesting help from anybody.

He’s still got that book on his lap, running his fingers over the picture of the white-eyed girl. He’s read every book in here now and there will be no need for him to revisit the pages. He will remember every word as if it were before him.

Someone’s knocking on his door but he doesn’t sit up, gazing glazedly down at the picture. He really misses… anybody. Dapper to squirm under his arm, begging attention just to distract him, or Blue to come into his room to bring him his cooking and kiss him, or maybe even Red, if he were in a kind mood, to talk at him and stand defensive over his body until he felt well enough to stand. Most of all he wants Trick. Warm blankets and his hushed reassurances from the other side of a mattress. Hands that know all the places he likes to be held. The trust in the air between them. Stillness.

“Henrik,” grouses Nina at the door. “Come on, medico, come out for a while, let’s get you some sun and some food.”

He finds it difficult to move.

immabethehero asked: Hey Henrik? So there is one such solution to the Marvin problem, I just don't know if it would work in this world.

“Yeah,” mumbles Henrik, chewing on his nails, looking exhausted. “I… can Anti even die? Can he bleed back what he took from Blue? And how… how could I ever bring myself to kill him?”

He rubs his face, digging his glasses into his nose. “Maybe someone else would know more about blood pacts than me and I could ask. But fuck, fuck! Anti really… Anti really…”

He’s going to cry again.

“He really did this, didn’t he? Made Blue sick just so he could control him better? Made him permanently sick, almost killed him! Fucker!”

The book collides with the other side of the room.

“Magic fucking sucks!” he shouts. “Anti was cruel, he was monstrous! He did this to Blue just because he was magic and Anti wanted it! And I let him, I let him! I wish none of my family was magic at all! Now I can’t get Blue’s magic back and Anti is being torn apart.”

“Henrik,” comes a sigh from the door. Genesis this time. “Come on, man, come out, we’re worried about you.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Hey Hen? Maybe you should leave your room a little. The change of scenery might do you some good. Even just give you a bit of a breather.

“Ugh,” groans Henrik, letting out a deep sigh. Alright, he knows you’re probably right.

“You can come in,” he croaks, getting to his feet. Oh, shaky. But he can do it.

Genesis pushes open the door, Nina behind her, and they both give Henrik twin looks of exasperation. He is reminded, for a moment, of Red and Blue, and he almost laughs despite his distress.

“That’s a great idea,” says Nina, nodding at the camera. “Get out a little.”

“Sure, walk around the garden one more time,” sighs Henrik. “Just as helpless as I always am.”

“You are being a sourpuss,” says Genesis, because she heard him use the word the other day and she loves it.

“Why don’t we get out even farther than that?” suggests Nina, crossing her arms over her chest.

Henrik and Genesis both exchange glances and turn to look at her in surprise.

“What - really?” asks Henrik, a little breathless.

“Yeah,” says Nina, with certainty. “As long as we convince Emmanuela it’s alright for you to go, and you promise you won’t try to do anything stupid. There’s something I want to show you.”

“What?”

“Guess you’ll have to wait and see,” she smirks at him. “What do you say, get outside a little? Short trip? Or did you want to talk to somebody around here?”

spicydanhowell asked: let's get some air, henrik. you heard the ladies. time to eat and stretch your legs. we'll worry about this again later, promise.

Henrik nods at you and Genesis beams, taking his hand. He flinches a little, but he’s getting used to her, and he doesn’t mind her hands. In a bizarre way that makes him feel guilty, the neat little scars still healing on her skin remind him of Dapper. He’d been just as distressed as she had after that short, horrible session of torture, but he doesn’t know how to turn something like that into a useful apology. She seems to have forgiven him anyway - though she will, if he’s brought up, still refer to him as “dapper little motherfucker” in her thick accent.

“We got to go through the mirror to get out of this place,” she tells him eagerly.

“Go through the mirror?”

“Hold up,” laughs Nina. “I gotta get us some food packed and then talk with Emmanuela. Henrik, you aren’t going to try and run away or anything once we get up there, right?”

Ah. Well. His brain knows it’s stupid but… goddamn, there’s a temptation there.

“No,” he tells her meekly. “That would be… bad.”

She sighs a little, but she won’t argue. “Maybe you guys are going to have to help me convince her,” she warns you, taking you when Henrik offers you up.

“We’ll get settled in the car,” promises Genesis. “See you in a second.”

“Okay.” Nina carries you off to Emmanuela’s room.

“Come in,” answers a voice at her knock.

Emmanuela’s room is small and modest and bathed in so much light it’s almost hard to see for a minute.

Stained glass makes the room glow in red, blue, purple, gold. Emmanuela herself seems to have some light in her and her long black hair gleams more than ever, straight and heavy down her back. She is standing. From this angle, she is a great bulk of a woman, heavy and tall, and on the wall behind her, you see the axe-like weapon she once brought down on the skull of a frothing black dog burning with stolen magic.

“Hola,” she says, glancing at you. “What is it, Nina? How is our guest?”

Nina laughs wearily. “He seems unwell.”

“Oh?”

“They could probably explain it better than I. I’m not sure what’s upset him so badly.”

Emmanuela sits down at her desk, steepling her fingers on the table in front of her.

“Good,” she says. “I’ve been meaning to talk with them.”

cest-mellow asked: emmanuela! nice to meet you! we were thinking of having henrik go with nina and genesis for a walk farther out, hes really stressed out about his brothers stolen magic. he’s really sick.

Emmanuela softens for a second, grinning at you. “Hi,” she says. “Okay, he can go. Why not? He’ll stay with her, won’t he?”

“I’ll watch him,” promises Nina.

“Watch him carefully, the both of you,” Emmanuela warns. “We don’t always do what we expect ourselves to do.”

Nina gives you a look at her cryptic phrasing, but says nothing.

“I am concerned, however,” says Emmanuela. “That he continues to struggle with the reality of what the monster is and has done to him and his family. I fear the manipulation is very deeply set and I would like to see just where it starts and how far it goes. And so you must do something for me. Will you convince the doctor to come see me and let me take a look into his head? It will be frightening to him, but I am worried.”

She drums her fingers against the desk. Abuse is not a foreign concept to her, and neither is recovery from it. But Anti’s hypnosis and memory glaze introduce new elements for her.

“The way I see it, the next step must be to get the rest of his family away from the monster and destroy it, but I fear it will not be so simple, and we may not be able to help as much as we want. I need to speak with Henrik. I fear the thing that haunts him is not, at our hands, mortal, and if we cannot kill it… we must make preparations for if it comes to take him again. How will he defend himself if it wants to hurt him again? How will he get help in another country if he’s stolen? The monster - I will not lie - is very powerful. Will you tell Henrik, then, to come see me soon? And is there anything I can do to help you?”

Anonymous asked: sra. emmanuela, ma'am, with all due respect, we care a lot about henrik's well-being, too. and we don't know you quite so well. you seem very powerful, and very charismatic, and those can be very dangerous qualities in a stranger in command. can you promise us that you mean henrik no harm, and you will do your best to help him and not hurt him, however he responds to your request? are you willing in any other way to assure us of your intentions?

“This is a wise request,” says Emmanuela. “And it’s good to be cautious, or you will not be capable of protecting him in the future. First of all I shall tell you that here, I am in charge, and so that Henrik has stayed with us and been cared for at all has been at my command. And we are happy to do it. We don’t turn people away here, do we, Nina?”

“No, Emmanuela.”

“Even if they’re not magic?”

Nina laughs. “Don’t tease me!”

“I am powerful, you are correct, I try to own it, I must match the arrogance of men if I am to lead,” she says. “I am a dichotomous magician - rare, you see, a lot to deal with, for a magician to have two different powers. I burn darkness with light and possess a form of telepathy. I cannot prove it, but I assure you I no longer use it without permission, not even to my enemies. I learned from experience - when I was young, I made many mistakes, and I hurt a great many people.”

Nina looks surprised to hear her speak this way, but she does not interrupt.

“I am not a tyrant now,” finishes Emmanuela. “And I have no desire to hurt anyone at all. I have caused enough harm to good people in my lifetime. Anyway, Henrik is getting along well here, making friends. He seems like a nice boy.”

Nina bursts into giggles. “He’s like thirty, Mama.”

“I will call anybody ‘boy’ if I want to, I’m the boss…”

Nina is laughing and you shake in her hands.

cest-mellow asked: thank you! we’ll definitely try our best to get him to agree. i think the best help you can offer is just try to make henrik feel safer here, the monster does plan to come here at some point to get him back. maybe you should tell us a few things about yourself so it’s easier for him to trust you into his head, we can tell him things he can relate to and latch onto for comfort!

“Mmh, clever, I enjoy it,” says Emmanuela. “What do I say, Nina?”

“I don’t know, Mama,” says Nina, smiling at the game.

“I’m getting to be an old woman soon enough. I’ve been the head of this organization since I was a girl. Sixteen, in fact. And since then there are always people needing help. Those who live here have mostly come to me in need of it.”

Nina shuffles on her feet. It is true for her. She needed somewhere to go and Emmanuela had been there, with JP, Hermann, Genesis, Christofer, and Jose.

“Power is awakened, not inborn. So it is that many magicians arise from homes where there is trouble enough to create the need for magic within him. So more than one of the people here, you will find, have had cruel or neglectful parents, or no parents at all, or some other horrible trouble, more than what a child should bear. Legally, I’ve adopted many of the younger magicians in this country. Silly as it sounds, someone has to be on the legal documents, and someone should be checking in on them like a parent! Everyone deserves to have a place they can call home. Most go on to live on their own, though they stay loyal to the order. Others stay here with me. Yes? Hermann, Genesis, and my little ones, Rosie and Basilio and Benigno. Basilio is my biological child. He’s ten now. No power has awakened inside him and I am glad. He has never had a need for it to awaken. I have kept him safe and happy. What else matters?”

Anonymous asked: the core of the demon's manipulation comes from brotherly love, we think. all five of the brothers love each other fiercely, and the demon turns that towards himself, first by coaxing surrender by holding them over each other's heads, and then by installing himself as a brother. which, in a way, he sort of is? he does have kind of an innate connection to them, though explaining just how would necessitate... a lot of time. but henrik does believe, whole-heartedly, that the demon is his family.

Emmanuela pauses, pressing her knuckles against her face, turning away from you. She looks up again after a moment, cool and severe.

“This is the sort of thing I have a fear of,” she says, her long, perfect nails picking at her desk. “It means the monster was not just forceful but intelligent.”

She takes a deep breath. “Nina, perhaps you’d give us a moment?”

Nina glances at you, but she trusts Emmanuela, and she obeys.

“Hypnosis, you must understand, is often very surface-level. You place a truth within the mind and force the mind to accept it. There, it’s done. But if the mind is reminded of old truths or pauses to consider the foreign thought, it can be very easy to realize the flaw and pop it back out again. Like that! Simple for both parties. But this is not what your monster has done.

“He has buried himself in deep truths. Do you understand? He took a falsity and he coated it in the truth of the rest of their family. What’s more, he erased the memories that came before so there was nothing left to contradict the new thoughts, and then he built an entire family system to support his lie. And so I am guessing you have seen, many times, your friends pause and realize that something is wrong - but they cannot find what. Because there is no past to tell them what is true and what is false, and, moreover, their love for each other has become entrenched in their love for the monster. If the monster is false, the rest of the brotherhood seems false too, and they know the rest of the brotherhood is not false. The rest of the brotherhood is true. Your brothers all love each other and the demon has hidden himself within that truth. Worse… even without magic or hypnosis, his manipulation is extensive. Even if I could pierce the hypnosis, he would still wield power.”

She sits back in her desk. Drumming her nails. Her eyes are dark and endless, but not like Anti’s. There is no way to describe this difference. Maybe there is not such a difference after all. To be a monster is a choice too, and Emmanuela had the option to choose it many, many times in her life.

But here she is.

“Soon the monster will be here,” she says. “And I fear your doctor will insist on returning to what he knows is truth, even if he can tell, now, that there is a falsity hiding inside.”

She turns to her stain glass and her face becomes red in the light of it.

“I will make preparations,” she says heavily. “To protect him if he chooses to return. And I must discover what this monster is. I’ve never seen anything like it. I must find a way for them to kill it.”

She looks up at you. “Tell him to come see me. And watch over him when they leave this place. Freedom can miss the chains that bound it.”

She calls for Nina to come back in. If you’re ready, you can go, or speak longer with her.

cest-mellow asked: i think that’s all we’ll need, unless you have something else that could help convince henrik. the info you gave was great!! it’s nice to meet you finally :D

“Don’t get too sweet on me,” warns Emmanuela. “Or I will adopt you too.”

Nina is still tittering as she carries you back down the hall towards the others. She ends up picking up a couple quick lunches from Juana in the kitchen before she makes her way out towards the car.

Genesis was right - you have to go through a mirror to leave or enter the convent building. Between time travel, heists, and all sorts of magic, this is still one of the weirdest things you’ve experienced.

The mirror is nailed to the front doors of the convent on either side. Nina steps up to them without pausing and whispers a password she doesn’t let you make out - and then everything shifts, like your vision was flipped, and you’re somewhere else.

In the middle of the city, actually, standing outside a decrepit old convent, worn down from years of misuse. Henrik is in front of you, still staring around himself as if trying to get his bearings. Glowing office buildings miles into the sky and rows and rows of apartments with open patio doors surround him. Traffic races by just outside the gate of the ancient convent. Genesis is playing with the radio in the car.

“A little disorienting?” Nina calls to Henrik.

He turns and smiles nervously. “Ah - no, no, not at all. I’m very used to magic, you see.”

Nina chuckles and directs him towards the car with her hand.

“I heard you talking about how magic fucks a lot of shit up in your life,” she says, as Henrik settles into the passenger seat of an old Cadillac. “Can you guess where we’re going?”

“No idea, I’m quite sure,” he says. “But I expect to be impressed!”

She laughs. “I hope you will be. JP thinks I’m too pregnant to be making this hike but I told him to take a hike of his own.”

“Ah, fuck’s sake, you’re going to make my tired old bones walk, aren’t you?”

“Maaaybe.”

“Oh, dear…”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Where to, Nina???

“You’ve been here before, many times!” she says. “Genesis has too, but just once. Come on, can you see it in the distance?”

Henrik glances around. Towering churches, KFCs on every corner, swarmed street vendors, marketplaces, statues, gorgeous yellow government buildings, memorials, clock towers, fountains, theaters, museums, and - oh, above it all, surrounding it all, on every side, crying out from above the city - the heights of the proud Peruvian mountains, covered in the colorful dredge of the slums, where water must be fetched from the delivery truck each morning, where stairs are a rarity and the hot stone cuts your shoes apart, where there are too few doctors and so many, many people.

His heart stutters in his chest.

“Oh,” he says frailly. “Home.”

cest-mellow asked: you feeling okay, henrik?

“Uhh,” he says, clutching you to his chest.

He needs a second to think about that. Is he? Does he want to do this? To stand in the places where his family used to stand, and know that they aren’t here anymore? To know that after all this, came the pain?

“Hey,” says Nina, putting her hand above his wrist, not quite touching him. “Things have changed. I’d really like for you to see it, if you’re willing.”

He looks ahead of him. They are climbing closer to the mountain now. He can smell the bitter smell of chickens and bodies and dry mountain dust and he wonders just when it is that even this smell began to feel homey to him.

He had… liked living in the mountains. It takes him a minute to realize it. Usually it is better not to form an opinion when you know how quickly you must leave again, but he had liked it. Up the stones. With the people. Henrik had liked Peru. Had liked people coming to see him for medicine and help. Had liked to be a doctor again.

“Why’d you bring me?” whines Genesis.

“Hey, you were the fool who came poking around here without permission!” chides Nina. “Come on, you okay?”

“Okay, I do want to see, actually. I’m going to smash all his cameras!”

“There, that sounds productive. Henrik, you okay? You good to go up?”

Is he? Is he?

“Yeah,” he finds his voice, staring up the side of it.

He wants to see. He does. He wants to see his little home again.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Two hands pat at his shoulder and arms, both of the girls leaning in to encourage him, and he snorts, taken aback by the support they always give him, by the goodness of them all, by all the effort these people have given him.

Much of his life has been pain, and many people have hurt him. But Peru - oh, Peru has been kind to him.

“Oh,” he adds, turning his head as they pass by the little shop at the head of the last of the road. “There is even grass and flowers this time of year. I did not think anything could grow here.”

Genesis and Nina exchange smiles in the rearview mirror.

“Maybe there’s more if we keep going up,” suggests Nina.

“Okay,” he whispers.

He knows the places where the rocks slip and the places where the earth is sturdy. He clutches a rock in his hand to ward off the dogs that live near the basketball court. The chickens clucking to him are Tomas’s; the baby he hears crying must be the one he and Trick delivered the day before Blue’s fire started. It feels like a hundred years ago now, and all of it is so familiar, and so very strange. Yes, all in all stepping up the mountain feels like he imagines it must be for Dapper when he rewinds.

Except one thing.

“What happened?” he breathes, moving pace by pace, his eyes full from the shock of it. “How is this possible? This side of the mountain has always been barren.”

No longer.

Desert trees and cacti leap from the earth in green and brown bloom, dotted with pink and red flowers. Grass has poured out over the dusty sand along the paths, helping to hold it steady. Fruit bushes have pushed their way up from the ground to offer chirimoya and granadilla. The chickens feast on dropped seeds. Children race barefoot across the grass and past the sagebrush. Flowers coat the bitter smell of the slums in fragrance and hummingbirds have found their way so high up to suck on fervent orange and pink and yellow blossoms.

“Es el medico!” someone calls, a child in an open doorway, and his siblings race out to look with him. Women come out from behind the curtains of their homes to get a look at him, and when they do, their faces grow with smiles and they call out to him, medico! The men give him the same begrudging nods as always and offer him Spanish greetings he has learned to understand without understanding. Genesis is laughing at the attention and waving while Nina is calm and smiling beside him, keeping a steady hand on his waist when he grows tired. It’s been a long time since he was able to exercise regularly and this walk was always grueling for him. One day, he hopes to have his strength back.

And the clinic at the top of the hill?

Most all of it is swallowed up by plants, but the medicine inside has been left to the people. No one has looted it, though some is gone. Everyone is taking what they need. Even with his family gone, the clinic will still be a place of healing, and the whole mountain is green, and he doesn’t know why it makes him cry.

His and Trick’s room is covered in grass and flowers peeking up through the floorboards. He sits down where he would always sit by the window, and he runs his hands across the plant life, and he sees, and he remembers, and everything, he thinks, is beautiful, and not so lonely after all.

“I wanted you to see this,” says Nina. “How beautiful your brother’s magic is.”

Blue’s flowers. Blue’s plants. Blue’s power. Henrik stands in the doorway of his room, red-eyed and weepy, and regrets that he ever let it be stolen away.

“The other side of the mountain that used to be fertile,” she says. “His fire burned it all away. No the rich man’s land is dead and these people have some life. So you see, then, medico, that magic’s just a tool, and it can be used in good ways or in bad ways, and that’s nobody’s fault but the person manipulating it. Okay?”

“Okay,” he says. “Okay.”

“Your brother,” she says. “The monster. He stripped this beauty away from your Blue. The monster is not your family, Henrik. The monster is just a monster. And he will hurt you again if you let him.”

He’s left alone for a long time to sit with the memory of it.

He’s left alone for a long time to sit with the truth of it.

He’s glad he came up here.

“Hey,” says a voice after a while.

“Hey,” he answers Genesis.

She sits down beside him, her shoulder against his own. He doesn’t mind.

“Is it hard for you?” he asks. “To be here?”

“Mh,” she says, glancing around. “No. I like to see that it ended up all being for something good, at least around here. Weird how that can happen. I mean, it doesn’t always. In my life, most of the bullshit just turned out to be bullshit. But sometimes it can be fertilizer. And I think the times when it is are important to hold onto. These people are happier and healthier because you and your family were here.”

He sniffles and laughs and brushes at his eyes, letting out a deep sigh.

“Hey, can I say something?” asks Genesis, pushing against his shoulder. “Something kind of sappy?”

“No, I’m already all teared up.”

“Not my fault you are a big, German baby.”

He snorts and shoves her away from him and she laughs at him, settling down on his shoulder, and he thinks it’s okay, really, when she hugs him. She’s smaller than him and she seems to fit, somehow, against him.

“I’m sorry magic has been used to hurt you,” she says. “And that even the brothers you have who are loving have been used and hurt and controlled because of it. But it can be beautiful too. And important. And I hope someday you get to appreciate all that. Not just magic shit. But just the way that sometimes, the things bad people use to hurt us, well, they’re good things to good people. I hope someday you get to be somewhere where everything is beautiful, and nobody tries to hurt you.”

She’s warm like Trick.

“You’ve been very kind to me,” says Henrik. “Even after what we did to you. Thank you.”

“Henrik, you’re my brother and I’m your sister for as long as you need me, okay? If you need a family while you figure yours out. If you’re waiting for a new home. You can stay here with us. You can be our family too.”

There are crocuses growing up through the floorboards.

“Okay,” says Henrik, putting his head down on hers. “Okay.”

Crocuses and peace lilies and roses and more. It’s beautiful now. It’s beautiful.

This was Blue’s magic.

Anti took it away.

Henrik will not forgive him for it.

Henrik will not forgive him.

--------------

Red wakes up with Dapper against his chest and is stunned by how good it feels. How scary it isn’t. He almost laughs, hugging Dapper’s hot fond weight to his ribs.

“Hey,” he whispers, to wake him, and Dapper shuffles sleepily, pressing his matted hair against his chest. “Come on, wake up. Do you want to go out and about a little bit today?”

Dapper leaps up so fast Red gets elbowed in the chest and lets out a shout.

“Out, out, out!” Dapper all but flaps, zooming out of bed and tearing the covers off Ro’s warm body. His big brother groans.

“Dapper! You tiny fucker, come on!”

“Get out of the room? Get out of my room? I can go? I can get out of my room?”

He’s zipping around the room, trying to adjust his hair and his clothes and his shoes all at the same time. Red groans and then laughs, burying his face in his pillows and trying to ignore the buzz of nervous excitement in his own stomach.

“Five more minutes… oh, I gotta make sure I remember everything we need… and Max wants to talk more about everything…”

spicydanhowell asked: where's max, red? you sure it's safe to go out when you're.... wanted?

“Max should be on his way. He took my clothes to wash them the other night.”

This looks to be a huge relief to Red, who beams just at the thought of it.

“For the police stuff, I… don’t know. But I don’t think we can just hide out here much longer, especially with Dap the way he is. I think he has a hard time in his room when he’s on medication already, so being psychotic and trapped in a room is like…”

He glances warmly over at Dapper just in time to be tackled back onto the bed by him.

“Hurry up!” demands the little brother straddling his waist. “Slow, slow, slow!”

He grabs a pillow and starts thwacking Ro in the chest with it. Red hollers and grabs him in a headlock, throwing him onto the bed and drawing heaving laughter out of Dapper, struggling playfully in his grasp.

“You two good?” calls a voice from outside their door, vaguely amused.

“Coming, Max!” calls Red, a little color entering his cheeks, but Dapper goes very still in his brother’s arms, clinging to the bedsheets, his smile flickering away.

bupine asked: you alright, dap? you don't need to be afraid of max, you know. he used to be friends with red, he won't hurt you! he'll get you guys food and stuff!

“Yeah, Dap, just be chill, okay,” says Ro softly, brushing his brother’s fringe from his eyes and patting his knee before getting up out of bed. Dapper sits up on the bed, regarding the door coldly, his hands trembling a little.

“Red,” he calls after him. “No one’s supposed to see me. Anti will be angry.”

“Just a second, bud,” says Red, back to him, opening the door.

Max is standing there with his backpack overflowing with clothes, a carton of coffee in his hands, and his tie drawn up to his neck as immaculately as ever. He smiles at Ro.

“Hi,” he says.

“Hi,” says Ro, smiling back.

Dapper scowls at them, grabbing you and pulling you closer, re-reading your message with suspicious eyes.

“He will get me things? Am I supposed to be convincing him to get me things?”

Dapper pauses, thinking, and then relaxes a little. “And then we kill him afterwards? I can do that.”

whydoilovesomanyvillians asked: No dap we dont do that afterwards

“No one lets me have any fun,” scowls Dapper, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Dap, get your shoes on, didn’t you want to go out? We can head out once we get dressed.”

Dapper shakes his head and throws the covers back over his head, burrowing back into the mattress, hiding from the intruder.

Red sighs and comes to sit on the bed beside him.

bupine asked: you don't need to convince him OR kill him. no killing. max likes you guys and he's been trying to help you for a long time. he'll do whatever he can to help you, and you don't have to beg or anything that you normally do with anti. max is a lot nicer than anti is, i swear.

“Hey,” calls Red, getting down beneath the covers with him. “They’re right. Come here, look at me. We don’t - I don’t think we have to follow all the rules right now. You know? I really think we can trust him. And Anti’s not here to punish you for anything, alright?”

Dapper tears at his hair, his teeth clenched together, shaking himself back and forth on the bed.

“Stupid,” spit his hands. “Anti’s always here to punish me.”

Red breathes out a long sigh and scoots a little closer to him, thinking. He reaches out to pull Dapper to his chest, stroking his thumbs over his shoulders, ignoring the growl on his little brother’s face. He’s going to have to play by Dapper’s rules for now.

“Hey, listen,” he whispers. “If we play our cards right, we can get this guy to buy us a bunch of shit we need. Anti doesn’t mind. We’re just playing games. We need him right now so Anti will understand.”

Dapper stares at him, relaxing a little.

“Am I your big brother?”

“Yes,” nods Dapper.

“Am I supposed to let anything bad happen to you?”

Dapper shakes his head.

“Who’s in charge?”

Dapper taps Red’s chest, his mouth twisting a little.

“Okay. So I say we’re going with him, alright? Just for a little while. And you have to play nice so he gets us things.”

Dapper blinks and shrugs. He’s good at playing pretend.

“Hey, come on. You were so excited! We’re going to go outside, right? That’s good. Let’s go, come on.”

It is a little exciting.

Dapper sits up, brushing his hair back into place.

“I got you tea,” says Max, putting a cup from the tray on the dresser. Dapper tries not to glare, looking away.

He’s afraid and he doesn’t want the stranger to touch him. If he does, Anti might punish him. It’s against the rules. And not only that, but he knows what Anti has always told him - if anyone ever finds out about you, they will hurt you, steal you, and take you far away. You need to stay close to Anti and obey.

He pushes his clock down further into his pocket and reaches out to grip Red’s hand, gritting his fierce teeth in his mouth.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Aw, what's the matter, Dap? It'll be a whole lot of fun to get out for a bit! Think of the sunshine, and the pretty sights you'll get to see!

Right, right. Dapper nods quickly, trying to convince himself again. Red says it’s okay so it’s okay. And he does want to go outside. The walls feel thick and glaring around him, like they could lean forward to squeeze his ribs into his lungs at any moment. His paranoia is very high. He hates feeling like a coward. Like the whole world is conspiring to hurt him. Red holds the cup of tea out to Dapper and he takes it, clutching the warmth between his fingers, but he can’t quite bring himself to drink. He’ll need a few minutes to adjust. Was Max here yesterday? He thinks he was, and nothing bad happened.

Red and the stranger are chattering eagerly to each other, their bodies angled towards each other, a smile on both their mouths, and for some reason, it only makes Dapper more nervous. He remembers… something faint and distant. A nice girl with dark eyes, smiling at him. A nice girl with blond hair, talking to him through a window. It never ends well.

But he’s trying to have a nice day, so he lets Red help him through the motions of getting changed into freshly cleaned clothes. The warm smell of laundry and detergent calms him down a little. He takes a sip of his tea.

Ro leads him outside.

Dapper’s joy seems to come rushing back to him. He’s all but vibrating in Red’s hand, trembling as he follows Red and Max down the hall. He thinks he might faint if he gets out under the sun. He loves being out of his room. He loves being out of his room. He hates Anti’s rules. He grips Red’s hand and steps slowly after him, clutching his tea.

Anonymous asked: This is so exciting!! Where will you go first?

“It is exciting!” Max’s face is bright and he can’t stop smiling. He keeps looking back at the two of them behind him. “Where do we want to go, Ro? Clothes, you think? Maybe we just go to the mall and then get some lunch? And anything else you need we’ll find.”

“Oh, I didn’t even know there was a mall.”

“It’s on the other side of the city. This place is a little seedy, honestly.”

“Ha, yeah…” Red glances around at the motel. He’s packed all their stuff into his backpack so nothing gets stolen. “I - I’m sorry,” he hears himself say.

“What? What for?”

Red shakes his head, his cheeks flushed, and winces for a second. “Nothing, let’s just… yeah, I want to get clothes. I want to get everything he needs.”

Dapper looks back at him, eyes wide, but trusting.

“You know,” says Max. “It’s not your fault you ended up in this situation. You did the best you could. And now you don’t have to worry so much anymore. Okay?”

Ro bites his lip, a slight smile coming back to his mouth.

“Thanks, I needed… yeah, thanks. Okay, uh. Haha. Mall?”

“Sounds good,” says Max. “Take a bus?”

“Let’s do it.”

bupine asked: like it or not, anti can't see you guys right now. blue's magic in his body has messed him up and he can't access the cameras. we'll let you know if that gets fixed, but for now, anti can't see you and will never know about anything you do or say.

“Yep,” Max tells Dapper, turning back to smile at him as they head out into the streets. “No Anti, okay, bud?”

Dapper’s gone a little spacey and confused in the sun, smiling at everything around him, clinging more loosely to Red’s hand. Everything feels more safe and free when he’s not trapped in the room, though he’s still shaking with nerves. Red chuckles and pulls him close. “Doing okay?”

“Doing okay, Red. Anti’s not watching?”

“Nope.”

“Odd, odd. Like that day I had my churro. We can talk about anything, huh?”

“That’s right, buddy.”

“We can talk about anything we want to. Odd, odd.”

bupine asked: do you have anything in particular you'd like to say now that anti can't hear you?

“No, no,” says Dapper quickly. “Tell him I’m being good, I’m being very good.”

spicydanhowell asked: hey jamie, you're not with anti, okay? he's not gonna be mad at you for talking to max. max loves you, and he's going to help you whether you try to manipulate him or not. all you have to do is be here. please try to be nice? he and red really care about you, and so do we. we wouldn't tell you to talk to someone dangerous.

Dapper glances down the pavement at Max from behind Red, observing him all over again. Max catches him looking but politely turns his eyes away just as quickly, allowing Dapper to look, pretending he didn’t see.

“Your name?” He and Red are talking. “Oh, shit, you went by so many different names, haha.”

“What? You’re telling me you were friends and you don’t know my name?”

“Ro! Please,” laughs Max, bumping their shoulders together as they walk. “Look, doc was an illegal immigrant, you were a vigilante, your whole family was shady as hell. I didn’t ask a lot of questions, okay? You went by Jackie McLoughlin sometimes, or Jackie Brody, or you said Jackson was your last name, shortened to Jackie, and Bayard was your first.”

“Bayard? No, you take that back. My name is not Bayard.”

“Hahaha! Well, you always went by Jackie, but I’m pretty sure you picked it out!”

“Aw, whatever, Max, now you’re just teasing me…”

Dapper cools a little at the sound of Red’s laughter and chattering, turning his eyes away from Max, taking a second to just bask in the sun. Eventually, he takes a little sip of his tea. It’s good. Fuck, it’s - how long since he had tea? He has a vague memory of a dark wood table and people talking around him. Old things he’s not supposed to remember.

But Anti’s not here to reinforce it.

He can reminisce, if he wants to.

He listens quietly to Red and Max and he thinks.

spicydanhowell asked: you guys think jamie's gonna be able to get medication soon? also jamie, little mans, can you think of anything that might make you more comfortable or help you cope a bit better? i know it's kinda hard to think of what you need sometimes, but this is a good time to try!

“I made a couple calls about that,” says Max. “But, uh. I don’t know, really, how to get him anything without making an appointment with a psychiatrist.”

Dapper shrinks down beside Red, shaking his head. Red puts an arm around him. “No, we can’t do that,” he says quickly. “Not safe.”

“I know it’s not a viable option right now. I don’t know what else to do.”

“If you would help me, I could - ”

“No more stealing stuff,” Max interrupts him quietly. “Please. I can’t watch you get hurt again.”

Ro goes quiet. Eventually he nods.

“Well… I bet Dok could help.”

Max’s smile comes back. “I miss him. It would be good to hear from him again. I need to know that he’s safe.”

“Yeah,” says Ro. “Yeah, me too. I wish we could call him.”

“Well, I have a phone,” says Max.

Red perks up. “Oh, yeah? I… I don’t know, maybe he could get to a payphone or something. He’d know what to do. I think. I guess I usually stole his supplies for him…”

“I want to see Dok,” says Dapper, picking up on the conversation a little belatedly. “I can’t talk to him on the phone!”

“I’ll translate for you,” promises Red.

“When will he come home?”

“I’m not sure, bud. Hopefully we’ll see each other again soon.”

Anonymous asked: Do you know if the mall or the bus will be very crowded, Max? I think maybe Dapper doesn't want anybody who's not a brother touching him right now, is that right Dap?

“No one is allowed to touch me,” agrees Dap nervously. “Against the rules. Bad. I’m not really allowed out of my room at all. But sometimes! Like Norway. We had fish, Red, are you going to get me fish?”

“What? Months stuck in your room and fish is what you want?”

“It’s Friday,” says Dapper devoutly, putting his hands together as though in prayer, and Red can’t tell if he’s being teased or not.

Getting closer to the bus is more crowded. Red glances down at Dapper’s hand in his own. “Are you going to be able to handle this, Dap?”

“If no one is touching me, it’s okay,” says Dap, looking around. “As long as I know who my enemies are I can be fine.”

“Who are your enemies?” asks Max, frowning.

“Oh, everyone.” Dapper touches the knife in Red’s backpack fondly. “They are not scary because I know how to hurt them.”

Max frowns and opens his mouth for a second, but he doesn’t end up saying anything.

“We went by bus a lot in Peru,” says Red. “Do you remember?”

“Blue would hold my hand. It would be crowded. But I had my big brothers.”

Red flushes slightly. “Alright, you little kiss-ass.” He leans in to hug Dapper quickly and Dapper giggles, gripping at his palm. “Okay, then, we’re going to get on the bus and I’ll hold on to you and everything will be okay. I got you.”

“Are you okay with the bus?” asks Max, glancing at Red.

Ro stops short on the pavement, blinking.

He never really thought about it.

“Oh, I - I’m - I.” Blushing at his own stammering, he shakes his head to clear it and straightens up again, pulling Dap along. “I’m used to it. No worries. Buses are better than like, underground subways, so it’s fine. And I got Dap to hold onto.”

He grins at the joke, but Max’s answer, when he gives it, is in earnest.

“You can hold on to me, too,” he says, continuing towards the bus. “If you need.”

Max is wearing gloves even in the heat. No skin. No contact. Red could hold his hand if he wanted to.

Dapper glances between the two of them, frowning, and sticks out his tongue.

“Don’t give me that look,” grumbles Ro, bumping into his shoulder and pulling him along. “I’m not actually going to.”

Anonymous asked: Hey, Max, you're a detective. Do you know anything about the case of Natascha Kampusch? It's a case I think Ro and Dapper need to hear about. A paranoid, physically abusive abductor with certain moments of tender coddling, being isolated and kept in filthy conditions, being given special things and items to keep you attached to your abductor, being kept in a cell and being starved or denied food/medicine if you don't obey... Seems familiar to them I bet.

The bus is hot and purring with gasoline, but it’s not so crowded that Max, Ro, and Dapper can’t sit down together, Dapper kept protectively at Red’s side against the window. He stares out through the glass at the world he is so rarely allowed to be a part of, his nerves dying down, though his paranoia won’t ever let him rest entirely. In the middle, Red holds the camera on his lap, frowning over at Max at the message.

“Uh,” says Max, blinking. “Hm. Well, yeah, I could look that case up if you wanted me to, I suppose. I could - ”

“Let’s just have a happy day,” blurts Red, turning away from him. “Let’s not… let’s just be okay.”

Max goes quiet, looking at him, waiting for him to turn back to him. Waiting for him to be ready, because he knows, after all these years, when Jackie is trying to speak.

“Look, I… I know… that Anti is manipulative,” he says, very softly.

Max nods quietly, his hands clutched in his lap, aware that Dapper must be listening too.

“I know that he doesn’t treat us well. That he could take better care of us if he wanted to. That he chooses not to and never gets help for his temper. That he’s… abusive. I think I’ve always known. He’s never manipulated me quite the same way as the others.”

The bus rattles along. Dapper is staring out the window. Max’s hand is close to Ro’s.

“But, Max, I just - couldn’t leave my family. And Anti is - was? - Anti… I couldn’t leave him behind either. He’s family too. He’s a part of me. And it was either with him or against him, and I - I love him, Max. Even if he doesn’t love me back, I… He doesn’t like me. I know. And he says we’re not a family. He told me, ha. At Christmas, he told me it was just a concept, and that I should know that. That we weren’t a family. But I can’t - I don’t know how to change the way I feel about him, Max. I don’t know how to stop feeling like this. In theory, it’s all well and good. In practice, it’s impossible.”

A gloved hand brushes against Ro’s fingers.

“Jackie,” says Max.

Ro turns his gaze back up to him. Tiger eyes.

“It’s not impossible,” he says. “It just takes time, and help, and courage. And Jackie, Ro. I want to give you the things that I can, and help you find the things I can’t. You’re already here. You’re already putting trust in someone other than Anti. You’re already breaking the rules.”

Ro stares at him, his heart tight and aching.

“It’s not impossible. It’s a hard journey. But you’re already stepping down it. That’s what just having a nice day is, Ro. A nice day without Anti. A nice day where we don’t need him to be happy, or healthy, or okay, if only for this one day. And you have to choose, Jackie - if you want to go back to where you were or keep coming down this path.”

Dapper is looking back up at the both of them. Ro lets his eyes turn away from Max. It’s not a decision he should make because of him, or even because of Dapper.

He thinks maybe this is a decision he should make for himself. For his own needs. For the things he wants.

He thinks maybe it’s okay to make decisions like that.

“I - I do want that,” says Jackie. “I do want a nice day without Anti. I do want to not need him. I do.”

Max’s mouth is made for smiling. Wide and glowing.

“Okay,” he says, very soft, very warm. “Okay. We can.”

Jackie smiles right back at him.

Against the window, Dapper is shaking his head.

Anonymous asked: What about you, Dapper? What do you want?

Dapper sighs and glances over at Max and Red, their faces and their hands too close, their mouths too proud with smiling. He takes his hand away from Ro’s, but he hardly seems to notice.

“He is going to get hurt,” signs Dapper. “Anti never lets things like this last. He is jealous, possessive. Does not share attention. We should go back to our motel room and just live like we were. Better to be hungry than infatuated. I don’t want to watch my big brother get his heart broken.”

“Hey, Dap,” says Red, turning his attention back to him suddenly. “Come on, we’re here.”

He takes his hand again and leads him up. Dapper lets himself be lead, sulking a little, but the more he watches Ro and Max laughing and talking, the less he can hold it against him that he’s allowing himself these small moments of happiness with somebody he likes.

The truth is that Dapper would like to be happy, and for Red to be happy, and even for Max to be happy, maybe, but he doesn’t believe it’s possible anymore.

But he’d also like some new clothes and some lunch. He takes a deep breath in and tries to steady himself.

“Thank you for asking,” he adds. “Please make sure to keep Red safe. If he wants to have a nice day I want that for him too. My big brother.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Dap, we're not going to rat you out to Anti or anything. Enjoy yourself!

He sighs and tries to smile at you. Okay, okay, you’re right. They’ve got some money and they’re outside the room. That’s good! He is excited, really, or he was before he got so into his head. He needs to try and calm down. It’s okay to have a nice day. It doesn’t mean anything.

“I’m okay,” Dapper reassures himself, stroking his own hair for a moment. “I’m okay, this is okay.”

“Should we start with some clothes?” suggests Max. “Dapper, is there anything you want?”

Dapper looks at him, confused.

“Dapper.” Red pushes at his shoulder. “What do you want to get?”

Bewildered now, Dapper looks up at him, eyes flickering around the store.

“Shirts? Pants? Shoes?”

Dapper’s hands flex and then close again. He stares up at Red, beginning to get stressed.

He hasn’t picked out his own outfit in more than a year.

Anonymous asked: Would it be easier to choose something between two options, JJ? There's no wrong answer here, and no answer you can't take back either. You can change your mind as much as you want, plus you'll still have the clothes you have now.

“Yeah, Dap, deep breaths,” soothes Red, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder, looking confused. “You, uh - is this hard for you?”

Dapper’s eyes flicker around the store. There’s rows and rows and rows of clothes. He could cry.

“Just pick them out for me!” he begs, tugging on Red’s shirt. “You and Anti always get my clothes for me!”

“Because you were always stuck in your room!”

“I’m not supposed to - I - I know you say Anti’s not here, but I’m still not supposed to, I - ”

“You know what,” interrupts Max, before things can get too out of hand. “I think two options is a great idea. Why don’t we start with shirts, yeah?”

Dapper stares at him, breathing a little fast. Looking at him now, he almost seems familiar.

Dapper nods shortly.

“Okay,” says Max calmly. “Should we look at long-sleeve shirts or short-sleeve shirts?”

“I always wear long-sleeve shirts.”

“Okay. But do you want to wear long-sleeve shirts or short-sleeve shirts?”

“I’m not allowed to - ”

“I’m telling you you are allowed to,” says Red softly, touching his hand. “Come on, little man, take it easy. You can get whatever you want today.”

“When did you decide you were against all of Anti’s rules?”

“Come on, Dap. Let’s not do this. You were with me. You just get a little lost. I think you know what you want, buddy.”

“I don’t.”

“I think you do. Do you want to wear long-sleeve shirts or - ”

“I want to wear t-shirts!” shout Dapper’s hands.

Red’s mouth curls into a smile, a little laughter bubbling in his chest. “Okay. We - ”

“We’re in motherfucking South America! It’s like forty fucking degrees outside! Do I look like I’m goddamn cold-blooded?”

Red is trying not to crack up, his hand over his mouth.

“Am I headed to the opera? Am I seducing women at the king’s ball? Why the fuck do I have to wear a dress shirt every! Single! Goddamn day!”

“Your name is Dapper, even, he really likes you wearing - ”

“My name is Dapper! My name! He made this my brand! I don’t want to wear dress clothes and these horrible tight little shoes every day! They’re for special occasions! They’re supposed to be my nice clothes! For fun, for fancy days when it’s supposed to be fun to dress up! He’s ruined it, it’s not fun anymore, I used to love dressing up like this. Now I’ve killed people in these shoes! I’ve run for miles in these shoes, run until my feet bled in these shoes! Motherfucking high-collared shirt choking the life out of me, I’m like those French aristocrats with the puffy collars, black pants in the heat looking like a government agent or a classical harp player, motherfuck! Teaches me it’s stupid to talk like I’m from the 1920s, teaches me to swear, but thinks I’m at my cutest in an over-sized hoodie or a goddamn dress shirt. Does he - is it a kink, is that what it is, why does he make me - ”

“You are killing me, Dap, stop!” Red is heaving with laughter. “I’ve never seen you talk this much in your entire fucking life.”

“What is he saying?” asks Max, bewildered.

“He wants to wear - ”

“I want to wear T-SHIRTS,” sign-shouts Jameson, grabbing Red’s hand and dragging him towards the casual wear. “I want to wear T-SHIRTS and SNEAKERS and SHORTS, it’s hot as hell outside and I don’t have to be cute, I don’t want to, I’m - how old am I?”

“He wants to know how old he is, Max.”

“Oh, he’s like twenty-eight?”

“I’m like twenty-eight! Don’t have to be cute, goddamn! Buy me a t-shirt.”

“This is the best day of my life,” howls Red, grabbing Max’s hand on instinct to lead them after him. “I had no idea you could rant like that, baby brother, oh my fucking hell. Okay, we can get you whatever you want, haha, we can, can’t we, Max?”

“Whatever you want,” repeats Max, a little star-struck, hurrying after them with his hand in Red’s. “Yes, whatever you want.”

Anonymous asked: Dap you’re allowed happy moments too, okay? Don’t forget that. It’s good that you’re watching out for your brother, I would have done the same thing, but today is an easy get some air day, okay? There’s nothing wrong with staying vigilant but don’t stress out to much

“That’s a great note!” says Dap, and he does not why there’s tears in his eyes. “Yes, I can, I can be happy too, I’m not here for anybody else’s happiness, I can make my own choices, I - I want this t-shirt, Red, with the flowers on it.”

It’s white with hundreds of tiny black flowers repeating in row after row across the fabric.

“Okay,” says Red. “Okay, you can have it.”

“I can have what I want. I can have what I want!” He punches Red’s shoulder suddenly, without knowing why, panting, but his brother only chuckles and reaches out to take his hand again.

“Why doesn’t anybody treat me like an adult?” he asks, hurt panging through his chest. “Why don’t I get to do this all the time?”

Ro sighs, pulling the shirt off the hanger for him. “I don’t know, buddy. I’m sorry I haven’t helped you better with it. I’m sorry I haven’t always let you be what you needed to be.”

“Is it because I’m psychotic? Would you treat me like an adult if I weren’t?”

“I think Anti just decided you’re the baby,” Red replies. “I hope you don’t ever have to feel like we don’t think you’re an adult just because of the psychosis. I know that would kill me, if nobody respected me just because I was autistic.”

Dapper sighs too, taking in a deep breath of the shirt. Clean cloth and store smell. He likes it.

“I respect you,” he says. “Maybe more for the ASD.”

“Thanks, Dap, that’s… good to hear. You too. Pick some more out, okay?” Red encourages. “We’ll get you shoes and some pants too. Comfortable stuff. Pajamas, even.”

“Okay. Yeah.”

Dapper picks out another t-shirt with two grey rhinoceros putting their horns together - “they’re in love!” he exclaims to you, hugging it to his chest - a less suffocating blue button-up with little ships printed on it, and a plan white t-shirt with something he doesn’t understand written in Spanish on the chest pocket. Black off-brand running shoes. Clean white socks and a few pairs of boxers. A three-set of gym shorts he and Red can share, a pair of jeans that can be rolled up at the ankles if he gets too hot, and yellow denim shorts with a pair of smiling suns on the front pockets. These, admittedly, are a little cute after all - but he’s allowed to be that too, and it doesn’t have to be for anybody but himself.

Anonymous asked: fuck yeah jamie!! excellent choices, they're awesome clothes, and they make you happy which is the most important thing. those are your clothes now! you own them, they're yours, only yours, to do whatever you want with! you're a grownass man who can buy his own kinda clothes, and fuck anyone who says otherwise!

Dapper laughs in a way you haven’t seen him laugh hardly ever, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. He holds the clothes close to his chest.

“Yeah, yep, you’re right, you’re right. I wish it was our own money, but maybe someday we can pay Max back.”

He pauses, looking over at Max. He does seem familiar, again. Dapper tilts his head, thinking about him, but he only gets vague images.

“Nice of him,” he says, looking much calmer. The store is mostly quiet at this time of day and he feels unbothered and protected. “He is nice.”

Anonymous asked: do you both wear the same size? just curious actually because jackie you've been going without for him :(

“Ah,” laughs Red nervously. “I… I haven’t been going without, really, I don’t need the jacket most of the time. Rather he had it. But, uh, yeah, well. I’m a little - ”

He cuts himself off with a snort. “Was going to say thicker, haha. I’m allowed exercise and shit like that, so he’s a good deal smaller than me, locked up in his room all day. But we’re just as tall and, like, hips and stuff are the same, so mostly we fit into the same. He drowns a little in my hoodie but he never seems to mind. More places for the little gremlin to hide knives. But, yeah, it’s nice that we can switch it up if we need to.”

He glances over at Max, rifling calmly through some shirts. Red’s pretty sure he’s trying to give them space to make their own decisions, but he feels nervous every time he looks at a price tag. This is going to cost so much money. He blows out a long sigh.

“But it’s fine,” he tells you, nodding. “It’s fine. He wants to get us stuff and he has enough money and he told me to get things I wanted. Hell, well… what do I want?”

Anonymous asked: Ohhh!! Ro what if you got some nice cargo shorts? Or like a t-shirt that’s made of soft material? Maybe a new hoodie? Make sure to check clearance if they have it lmao that stuff might be a bit cheaper than the in season stuff.

“Okay, okay,” nods Ro, considering. “Actually clearance is a great idea.”

He wanders over to the little circle of clothes on clearance, his hands brushing through for material he likes. There’s some fabrics he just won’t wear, and scratchy tags or seams are equally problematic.

“I would like a new hoodie,” he says. “I love the old one but it’s so worn. It’s - oh.”

He stops, turning his head a little. There’s a clean blue hoodie on sale at the back of the mediums.

He puts his hand on it, his fingers running over the surface and the zipper and the strings of the hood. It’s soft to the touch, but not too soft, not too giving. The fabric is thick - hot, to be sure, but good for bearing the brunt of scrapes and scratches. He pulls it between his fingers.

He’s only ever had red and black hoodies. But he doesn’t have to. He doesn’t have to.

He really misses Blue.

He sighs deep through his nose, burying his face in the soft fabric for a long moment. He’s been putting it off. Refusing to think about it.

But he misses him every day.

“I’m sorry I left you behind,” he mumbles to no one. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” says Max, coming towards him. “You okay?”

Red looks up. “Yeah,” he says.

“You sure?”

“I just wish the others were all here too. That we all had a chance to choose what we wanted.”

“You will,” promises Max, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You will, okay? I’ll help you find the others.”

Ro looks up at him, but suddenly he doesn’t feel grateful. It’s too much kindness. He’s too good to be true.

What does Max want from him?

No, Ro, don’t start thinking like this, please. He can’t take it, not when something good is finally happening to him.

“Can I get that for you?” asks Max, gesturing at the hoodie. “The color’s really nice.”

“Thanks,” he says. “Yeah, if you don’t mind, I’d really appreciate it.”

“I’m really glad to have a chance to get you things again,” says Max. “Maybe some shirts and a pair of shoes, too, and then we can go get you guys some lunch, yeah? If there’s anything else you need, we’ll pick that up too.”

“Okay, okay,” nods Ro, considering. “Actually clearance is a great idea.”

“I would like a new hoodie,” he says. “I love the old one but it’s so worn. It’s - oh.”

He stops, turning his head a little. There’s a clean blue hoodie on sale at the back of the mediums.

He’s only ever had red and black hoodies. But he doesn’t have to. He doesn’t have to.

He really misses Blue.

He sighs deep through his nose, burying his face in the soft fabric for a long moment. He’s been putting it off. Refusing to think about it.

But he misses him every day.

“I’m sorry I left you behind,” he mumbles to no one. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” says Max, coming towards him. “You okay?”

Red looks up. “Yeah,” he says.

“You sure?”

“I just wish the others were all here too. That we all had a chance to choose what we wanted.”

“You will,” promises Max, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You will, okay? I’ll help you find the others.”

Ro looks up at him, but suddenly he doesn’t feel grateful. It’s too much kindness. He’s too good to be true.

What does Max want from him?

No, Ro, don’t start thinking like this, please. He can’t take it, not when something good is finally happening to him.

“Can I get that for you?” asks Max, gesturing at the hoodie. “The color’s really nice.”

“Thanks,” he says. “Yeah, if you don’t mind, I’d really appreciate it.”

Anonymous asked: Hey Ro, it’s okay to be cautious. You’ve learned to second guess things since you’ve been with Anti as a defense mechanism. It’s alright to do that, hell I do it all the time! It helps you think realistically, but don’t let it consume you to the point where you can’t experience anything new or fun because you’re too scared it’s not gonna be real. If It’d help, maybe try talking to Max about it? Your concerns? Communication might help eliminate some of the anxiety you feel towards all this.

Red bites on his lip a little, thinking about it. Communicating - how does he communicate something like that? ‘I’m scared you might be here to kidnap my time traveling little brother? I’m scared you might arrest me after all? I’m scared you want something from me but I don’t know what?’

He takes a deep breath and lets it puff out. Max wanders politely away again to let him shop in peace.

It’s okay to not trust him right away. They can work on it.

But he wonders, somewhere in the back of his head, if he’s letting himself be guided more by the way he feels towards Max than what’s really true or safe for Dapper.

And that has to be the first priority.

Right now, though, Max is helping him take care of Dap and he has everything he needs, so it’s okay for Red to get things too. He calms down and finds himself some nice sweatpants, a pair of good running shoes with green stripes down the sides - a part of him insists Anti will get him even nicer ones when he gets back to him, but he shoves it off - a pair of jeans, cheap sunglasses to help with his overloads, and soft black gloves. He grabs a green flannel-pattern button-up to wear outside some of the t-shirts he already has and then, as a bit of a treat for himself, he gets a nice red and white t-shirt with elbow-length sleeves and a circle of pelicans around his heart.

Max gets everything for them. Red stands beside him, buzzing with nerves, but Max never shows a hint of irritation or regret. In fact, he seems to only get happier as the day continues - he talks more and more. And more and more. Actually, he kind of talks a lot.

Red loves it.

A stream of white noise in Max’s soothing voice, eagerly communicating his excitement to him at all times, making everything feel happy and enthusiastic to him. Max chatters about pelicans and food and Colombia and the places he’s tracked him to and books and movies and everything he’s missed while he’s been with Anti.

“At this point I was in a hotel in Budapest,” says Max. “Still undercover, hadn’t heard from you in two months, thought you were safe at home, thinking about how you’d probably gone to see the new Black Panther movie without me. And it was so horrible at the time, but it seems funny now, cause I got back and you were gone and I was so lost, so lost. So scared for you. But I just remember in the midst of like a complete fucking breakdown I had this thought - well, he probably didn’t see Black Panther 2 without me, we can go together when I find him.”

Max shakes his head and laughs at himself, moving with them down the mall. Dapper is engaged in everything going on around him - people, shops, colors, lights, smells, food, merchandise. But Red - Red is just fixated on Max.

They pick up everything they need from a little general store. Shampoo, soap, deodorant, toothpaste, new toothbrushes - Ro could cry at just the thought of his teeth feeling clean - and combs, sunscreen, a bag of tea and a bag of coffee, more beef jerky for an eager-looking Dapper, a camera to make new IDs, stylist’s scissors, a burner phone, vitamins and a first-aid kit, charcoals and a drawing pad - the list seems endless to Red, but he feels grateful again, just watching Max, and Dapper seems calm and happy, racing around to get things off the shelves.

“And I haven’t like been having a ton of fun without you, you know? I’ve been looking for you, mostly alone, and I just - I just really want to catch up on everything with you, I do. So we should see Black Panther 2 sometime, that’s all I’m saying. Oh! And there’s another one out soon, you know, we’ll see everything. I’ll take you wherever, we can do whatever. I found you, you’re okay!”

Max whirls on him suddenly and Ro almost jolts at the sight of tears in his eyes. Max looks at him like he’s something so - so -

Red turns his head away, unable to bear it. Max looks at him like he’s something so wonderful. So worthwhile. So good. Max is crying tears of joy just for him.

“Um,” he says, squeezing Dapper’s hand. “Where did you have in mind for lunch?”

“Oh, anywhere,” says Max reverently. “I’ve just been cooking at my place. I’ll get you anything.”

“We should try real Colombian food,” says Dapper. “I never get to try anything actually ethnic and I’ve been to so many countries.”

“Sure,” says Max.

“Can we get something to go?” asks Ro. “I don’t want to be out in public any longer than I have to.”

“Also a good idea,” says Max. “Let’s pick something up and head back. I love ethnic food from like, everywhere. I’ll make you Indian food sometime, okay? I know you love curry and naan and stuff, and we can get everything we need again, cause it’s been so long since I had a stocked kitchen and everything, I’ve just been looking for you…”

He moves back into a long trail of talking, looking years younger than he did the night Red saw him in that greenhouse. Red feels younger too.

--------------

“And I figured, like - at this point if it’s not Anti, then I have bigger problems than him, because the power outage was incredible. Whole country was a wreck, the national government got involved, and I’m guessing for sure that’s Anti, got to be, but now I think about it, honestly you must have helped far as I can reckon, because the hacking that must have taken - ”

“I don’t remember that at all,” says Ro, trailing after him back towards the motel, smiling. Dapper’s swinging their food back and forth in hand, listening to the padding of his new shoes down the concrete.

“I really don’t understand, still, entirely the reason behind it, but then again I figure - ”

And then Max is grabbing Red and shoving him into an alley, pinning him down against a wall. Red screams aloud and grabs his wrist to break it, terror bursting against his veins, and then Max hisses, “Jackie, police, police!”

Heart still pounding, Red turns his head around and sees a pair of police cars parked directly outside of the motel where they’ve been staying.

Dapper shoves Max bodily away from Red, hissing through his teeth, putting his body between theirs.

Anonymous asked: Dapper, it's okay, he wasn't trying to hurt him. There's police there, be careful, now isn't time for fighting, it's time for running.

“They’re right, we have to go,” murmurs Max, tugging on Red’s sleeve.

“Where?” stammers Red. The red and blue lights aren’t even flashing and the sight of them is still paralyzing. His heart feels thin and rapid in his chest. “I can’t - he can’t sleep on the street anymore, I need a place for him.”

“You can come stay with me,” says Max gently. “I have a nicer hotel room with a little kitchen and everything. There’s two beds.”

Red pauses, staring at him.

He shakes his head.

Clears his throat.

“Why’s there two beds?”

“I was hoping to find Jameson. You know that.”

Red’s stance is stiff and wary.

“Right… Yeah.”

“I don’t want to sleep with him,” protests Dapper, hiding against Red’s shoulder. “This isn’t safe. Convenient timing for the cops to get here, detective.”

“I can’t tell what he’s - ”

“He said this was convenient timing for the cops,” Red translates sharply, wrapping an arm around Dap. “Cops you’ve been talking with.”

Max lets out a nervous laugh, shaking his head. “You - you can’t think I would actually - I helped you get away, don’t you remember?”

Red sighs, loosening his grip on Dapper a little.

bupine asked: guys, max wouldn't sell you out. why would he have bothered taking you shopping? i can get why you're paranoid, but that doesn't make sense. if max wanted you arrested, he'd have done it by now.

“Right,” says Ro, and you see his cheeks fill up with blood. He turns his head away. “Fuck, I - I’m sorry, Max, I just - ”

Max is turned slightly away from him, gripping his gloved hands together.

“I’m just paranoid.”

Max turns his gaze back up to him, shaking his head a little.

“Ro… Jackie. This isn’t easy for me either, really. I don’t know if Anti’s going to come back for you. I don’t know if he’s in your head or if he can see us through these cameras. But I don’t want to hurt you. I want you to be okay.”

“It’s just all too sudden and random. It’s like winning a lottery I didn’t know I bought tickets for.”

“There are people in the world who care about you, Ro,” Max insists, managing to smile for him again. “Not just you, your whole family. Stacy, Marvin’s club, the rest of the Kamenyes…”

Dapper stiffens slightly.

“Let’s just try going back to my place, okay? The beds even have a wall and a door between them. You and Jameson can have your own room and privacy and you can lock me out if you need to.”

“Okay,” says Ro softly. “Thank you.”

“It’s my fault, really. I should have known that if I could track you, so could these cops.”

“But slower,” adds Red. “Guess you’re the better detective.”

“No, Red, I can’t go!” Dapper cuts them both off. “I need my bear!”

“What? I thought I packed the whole room. I always do.”

“He’s behind the curtains on the window!”

“Why would you put him there?”

“He tells me if Anti’s coming!” cries Dapper, tugging on his shirt. “I need him!”

“Dap, we can’t go back just for a bear. I’ll get you a new one, buddy. You love new stuffies.”

Dapper shakes his head furiously, scrambling to get his knife out of Red’s backpack. He’ll go through the cops himself if he has to.

“Blue got me my bear to look after me while he’s away!”

“Dapper, come on! Don’t make me handcuff you again!”

Max’s eyes widen, his hands gripping suddenly together.

Anonymous asked: Hey, Dap, it's okay. The police don't know there's anything special about your bear. They don't even know he's yours, right? No way to track him. They can look in the room, but if Jackie didn't find your bear, they probably won't either. You guys can take some time. We'll be keeping an eye out for Anti too, and we can tell you if he's coming in the meantime. And maybe later, once the police leave and it's safe, one of you can go back to get your bear? Can you go just a little while without him?

“I don’t want to be in a room with him without my bear,” whines Dapper.

“Dap, listen to what they’re saying. We are going to protect you, not the bear. You’re having a delusion, Dapper, that thing isn’t real.”

Dapper’s face whitens, his hands gripping shakily together.

Red sighs, leaning forward to touch him. “I’m sorry, just - please, give me a couple days to try and get it back?”

Dapper hides against his collarbone, sighing.

Anonymous asked: maybe max can get the bear for you, dap

“Don’t touch my bear!” protests Dapper, whirling on him.

“No, that’s perfect,” says Max gently. “Can I have the keys, Ro?”

“Yeah, sure. Thank you, shit.”

“I don’t want it if he touches it,” grumbles Dapper.

“Okay, Dap,” snaps Red. “Now you’re just being a brat.”

“Ro,” Max cuts him off. “Can I talk to him for a second? Just the two of us?”

Red blinks, startled. For a second, his hand tightens on Dapper’s arm. But he looks between the two of them and makes his decisions.

“Red, Red!” Dapper complains, trying to follow him. Max stands quietly in front of him, biting on his lip.

“Jameson,” he says. “Jameson.”

“That’s not my name!”

“Is Dapper?” asks Max, exasperated.

His hands go silent, turning bitterly away.

“I wanted to apologize,” says Max. “If I’ve been too focused on Jackie. We were closer, we were - but the two of us, you know, we got on well too. I’ve missed you. I came here thinking you were the only one left alive, Jameson.”

“Please,” he begs. “Don’t call me that.”

“Is JJ alright?”

“Fine. I don’t care.”

“JJ, I keep thinking - ha, I don’t know. It feels like you remember me even better than Ro does. But you won’t even look at me. Don’t you remember me? Weren’t we friends?”

JJ doesn’t look at him.

“I remember you. I remember that you worked at a veterinarian clinic during the week and that you helped build houses for people during the weekend. I remember that you were learning ASL and could understand most of Henrik’s German. I remember your violin playing for so long Chase would go drag you out of your room before you made your fingers bleed. Charcoal art pinned up all over your wall and an antique clock collection all across your room. I remember you, JJ. Other people remember you too. Other people still love you.”

JJ has turned slightly back to him, his eyes faraway.

“I lost that person,” whisper his hands, slow so Max can follow.

“It’s okay to change,” answers Max softly. “That doesn’t mean that the person you were is completely gone.”

JJ stares at the ground, his face ashy.

“Let me go get your bear for you,” Max asks.

JJ doesn’t answer. Max waits one minute, two. Finally he sighs and turns to get the keys from Jackie, and goes to get his bear.

“Hey, don’t cry,” whispers Red, coming back to his brother and taking his hand again. “What’s wrong, buddy? Come here. It’s alright. It’s alright.”

Anonymous asked: Just stay calm everyone alright? Think about this Dap, that bear has a lot of meaning to you but compare that to the possibility of sleeping In a cold cell if you went back for it. Maybe they won’t find it and you can come back for it later? The priority right now is not to get caught and if you go back there Anti will find you. Go with Max and Ro and stay out of sight bud, come on, please?

“Exactly, exactly,” agrees Ro, stroking his shoulder. “You’ll come back to Max’s place, right, bud? Better than sleeping in fucking jail. I’m going to keep you safe. I wouldn’t let anybody hurt you, would I?”

JJ shakes his head. Now he just looks exhausted.

“If Max can get the bear back, great. But hopefully we can get you medicine soon so you don’t feel like you need it and the paranoia isn’t so bad. Right?”

“This isn’t where I’m supposed to be,” he answers, staring around him. “It was never where I was supposed to be. Such an odd and terrible timeline.”

“Um.” Ro looks around. “Well. Gotta do our best with what we have, right?”

“I think I’ve lost… great parts of myself,” he says.

Ro scoffs and kicks his foot across the ground. “I feel you, bud. I feel you.”

Anonymous asked: It's just like what you said about Ro, JJ. You were never dead, just sleeping. Just forced into dormancy by a monster.

JJ laughs quietly. He likes that imagery, really. You know him by now - reflective and introspective, thoughtful and often lost in his musings and tortured confusions. Never dead, just sleeping. How Biblical. How hopeful.

He wants some of that back, some of that hope. Some of that person who played music til his fingers bled and could come and go as he pleased.

But he comes and goes so often. He sleeps and dies and wakes and rises and falls again.

Anonymous asked: Awe, I'm sorry JJ, I know it's really rough right now. It's hard when you lose things, especially such important parts of yourself. Thank you for trusting Max and Ro in this. It'll turn out okay. You're really brave, JJ, and really strong.

“Hey,” calls Max, returning, and there’s the bear in his hands. Ursa Minor, Ursa Major. Marvin used to call him Asteriscus. He remembers. Bits and pieces. Friends and home.

“Thank you,” JJ tells you quietly, taking the bear from him. It’s hard to lose pieces but they’re not all gone.

And if he’s not brave, he wants to be. If he’s not strong - no. He is. He has been. For a long time. He’s alive, isn’t he? And there are still parts of him - still parts of him, not dead but asleep. Still parts of him that wake up every now and then and fight like hell. He remembers slapping Anti right in the face and he wants to laugh and hide at the same time.

“Ready to go?” asks Ro, squeezing his shoulder. He nods and they move away, keeping close to crowds and shadows, heading towards Max’s room.

Anonymous asked: Max, do you see something? What's wrong?

Max did, in fact, notice something.

He trails behind Ro and JJ, feeling tired himself, though he tries to stay happy and calm for their sakes. He’s got to. He’s got to earn their trust back.

It’s just one more thing he lost the day he lost everything.

“You were my family,” he almost wants to say. He wants to shout it. “In more ways than one. You held me when my father died. You celebrated holidays with me. You took me to the hospital when my appendix burst and Henrik hit another doctor with a clipboard for trying to perform on me without him. You knew me and I knew you. It’s not fair that you’ve forgotten. It’s not fair that I had to hear you threaten to handcuff him. He’s psychotic and he’s scared and he’s your brother and you threatened to handcuff him. You would never do that. Jackie would never do that.”

But he doesn’t say anything. And he tries to stay happy and calm.

“Stop being selfish,” he wants to tell himself. “Stop thinking about what you want. They’ve been through hell and you need to help him find himself again instead of mourning like an idiot over who he used to be.”

He always promised himself that whatever had happened to JJ, he would still love him. He would still forgive him and help him come back to himself.

But seeing Jackie as Red - much as he wants to help - is not something he expected.

The promise he made to Jackie was to save Jameson if Jackie wasn’t there to do it himself.

Max stops suddenly in the middle of the pavement. Ro notices him stop and turns around, frowning.

“Max?”

Max beckons him closer. Ro pauses, glancing at Dapper, and drops his hand long enough to come back to Max for a moment.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

Max touches the string of his hoodie, just for a second.

“Don’t ever threaten to handcuff him again,” he croaks, unable to meet his eyes.

Ro blinks at him, confused.

“Ro, promise me. Don’t ever threaten him at all again.”

Shame in Ro’s face. Shame filling his face up. He looks away, reddened.

“Jackie, promise - ”

“I won’t,” says Ro, soft and bitter, closing his eyes. “I… I won’t. I promise.”

“Okay,” whispers Max, his throat burning. “Good.”

He walks ahead of them. He hears Ro call his name again, but he doesn’t answer. He needs a minute.

He knew it would be this hard. Why does it hurt so much worse than he thought it would?

He takes a deep breath in and finds his smile again. Calm and happy. Calm and happy. He has to help them find themselves. He won’t watch them get hurt anymore.

Anonymous asked: Are you alright, Max?

“Oh,” says Red, startled, as they enter the little hotel room. “It is nice, Max. I didn’t know there were places this nice in this part of the world.”

Max smiles wearily, a little sad from the statement, because truthfully it’s just an average little hotel room, with clean floors and beds and little bottles of shampoo in the shower. But Jackie hasn’t had nice things in a long time and Max wants to give him - anything, everything, everything he wants. He doesn’t know how else to say I still love you without saying it out loud. And Jackie isn’t ready to hear him say it. Jackie’s barely ready to let him buy him shoes at the mall.

The way anger and hurt and “it’s not fair!” are boiling in his stomach, he thinks maybe he’s not ready to say it again either. Not yet. But he still wants to. He wants to say and do so many things. Wants to touch him again, wants to -

He shakes his head and laughs at himself as Red settles Dapper down to eat the food he bought them. They’ll have rice and meat and vegetables, so much all three of them get full, really full, for the first time in weeks.

That’s good. It’s good.

Yeah, he’s fine. Not really, okay, but he can be. He shoots you a little grin and a thumbs up. He’s flushed from the heat and his eyes are bright. Dark hair is curling into his eyes. He just wants to be happy they’re here. He wants to give them both anything they need. Right now, that’s all he can do, and he’s proud to do it.

“Should we get some food?” he asks them, and JJ hefts the bag of take-out, hugging his bear to his chest with his free hand, and yes, everything’s alright, everything’s alright.

Everything’s better than alright, because even if he’s not the man he was, Jackie is here, Jackie is alive. Max is with him again. The rest is semantics. Stop being sad, dumbass! he tells himself.

He takes a minute to himself in the bathroom while Ro and Dap settle in. And when he comes out, honestly, things are better in his heart, and he’s okay. He is. He’s alright. There are triggers for bad emotions and by fuck does he have them, but there are also happy triggers. And dinner with Jackie and JJ - Jackie’s face and the thought, even if not spoken out loud, the thought I love you directed at him, directed at his blue eyes and dark hair and his honest, smiling face -

Max is happy in a way that goes down deep, past the hurt and the fear and the loss and the grief. Max is happy.

“We’re going to have food,” he says.

Ro smiles at him. Eyes bright.

“And I’m going to put on your favorite music.”

“I don’t remember what that is,” Ro laughs.

“And we’re going to be okay. And we’ll sit on the bed and watch a movie and everything will be alright. Okay?”

“Okay,” says Jackie, very soft, his guilt melting away in the face of Max’s joy for him. “Okay, that sounds good.”

“Sounds good, JJ?”

“Sounds okay,” says JJ, leaning against Ro’s shoulder. “Sounds pretty okay.”

“Okay.”

He sits down with them right there on the floor of the hotel room.

He’s alright. They’re alright. I love you, he does not say, but he means it. He means it.

Anonymous asked: Even if you are "Dapper", even if you've been forced to be a baby, forced to simper and play puppy, you are also always still Jameson Jackson. Always still the man who fought like hell against his tormentor, always still the man who bitch slapped Antisepticeye, always still the strong person who's still kept parts of himself alive and well even after all the manipulation and pain and torment. Nothing the demon does can truly take away who you are.

Max puts a pork crackling in his mouth and almost chokes on it. “You bitch-slapped Anti?”

Dapper hides against his box of white rice, grinning just a little. “Maybe…”

“Don’t remind me,” groans Ro. “He and Dok both got in so much trouble.”

“I did fight, though,” says JJ softly. “I did, I do not give in easily, I do not give up easily. I did not want to wear my little - I want to go put my t-shirt on!”

He gets up and yanks it right out of Red’s backpack, ducking off to the bathroom to change.

“He must get hot in that.”

“Honestly I don’t know how he does it. Like Norway, maybe, but Peru?”

“He is tough, he’s a tough little guy. He always has been.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, totally. Not scared of anything.”

Ro chuckles and picks at his brisket.

“Um… hey, I’m sorry I threatened him. I just - have a lot of issues with the, like… hierarchy we have, and I just… I’m working on it.”

“We’ll work on it together,” says Max, and Ro smiles shyly at him. “You haven’t had a chance to treat him like a real brother in a while.”

JJ comes back in his rhino shirt. He sits a little closer to Max than he did before.

“I’m tough,” he says to himself, taking a piece of Ro’s brisket and making him laugh. “I am.”

He looks torn between nervous and elated, his eyes distant with memories. Letting himself reminisce. A time traveler never really forgets, even if his brothers do. Even if a demon tries to take him away from himself.

Anonymous asked: Max, bud, your emotions and responses are just as justified as theirs. There are such things as second hand victims. You might not have gone through things at the same degree that they did, but that does not mean you have not suffered or that what happened has not affected you in any way.

“I’m so full,” whispers Ro.

“I probably should have cut you off at some point for your own health,” Max whispers back.

“Shut up,” laughs Ro, smacking his shoulder, and they dissolve into quiet laughter over the remains of their meal.

Dapper is asleep across Ro’s lap, hugging his bear. Max’s laptop is playing a movie Red hasn’t paid attention to on the mattress in front of them. And they’re sitting close together, just talking.

Cause it turns out “talking more about everything” didn’t mean reliving months of trauma when Max said it. He just wanted to talk. And it’s easy. It’s easy to talk to Max.

“Everyone’s really okay?”

“I mean… we’re never great, you know? But we’re alive.”

“I really thought you were dead.”

“That’s horrible,” says Ro. “I’m sorry.”

Max smiles softly at him.

“They’re right, you know. You… you matter too, Max.”

Max looks down at his feet, still smiling unhappily.

“Have you been alone this whole time?” asks Ro, almost afraid to know the answer.

“I left England almost right away,” Max whispers back. “Don’t have any family. Cut off contact with my friends. Scared Anti would notice me. And I’d just been undercover for months, so I was already… I don’t know.”

He laughs miserably, shaking a hand through his hair.

“I did bad things over those months, you know. Really bad things to keep my cover safe. I got the head guy, in the end. It was good work. But it felt horrible. Still feels horrible. And I spent the whole time thinking about how I’d come back to you.”

“To me?” asks Ro.

“Um. To - to all of you,” adds Max.

“Right.”

“It was hard. But it doesn’t matter now. I’m with you again.”

He looks up at Red. There’s an explosion on the screen and they both flinch and then laugh, hiding their faces from each other for a second, leaning a little closer with the weight of their laughter.

“I want a chance to heal alongside you,” says Max after a beat, and their eyes are flickering between each other’s eyes and hands and mouths. “I want to have a chance to be with you again. That’s all I want anymore. Forget the past and we’ll rebuild.”

But Ro is shaking his head slowly, looking up at him.

“Max,” he says. “I’m not the person I was.”

“Does it sound like I am?” Max returns quickly. “Jackie, I know what it’s like to feel broken.”

“But you’re so good,” answers Ro, his voice raw. “You’re so… I don’t… Max, soon you’re going to see what I really am, like you got a glimpse of when I said I’d handcuff him. I’ve done worse things than that. Someday, you’re going to see who I am really, behind all this, and then you’re not going to want me anymore. Max, I’m just going to hurt you. I’m not your friend anymore. I’m some shell of him. I died and Anti made me over again. You should go, Max. You should go before you realize Jackie’s really gone. And Red - he isn’t worth you sticking around for. You’ve already wasted so much of your life on us. You don’t have to waste your friendship too.”

“Waste,” says Max, low and reverent. “Waste.”

His hand has come to rest just beside Red’s stomach in the space between them. He didn’t notice it getting closer. He can hear his heart in his ears.

“I don’t know how to tell you,” begins Max softly, certainly, trying. “How… I… Waste. No. No. You are worth anything.”

Ro hears himself laugh. His eyes sting. He turns slightly away.

Max takes his arm and pulls him back. He doesn’t force him to look him in the eyes, but they do come close again. They do breathe in the same air and their hands rest beside each other on the bed. And Ro could touch him. Ro could touch him and he thinks, suddenly, that Max would allow it, and he is afraid.

“I don’t care what you’ve done,” says Max. “I don’t care. I’m not going anywhere, Jackie. You are worth anything I have to offer. We made promises, you and me. I guess you don’t remember, but it doesn’t matter. I’d give you anything you asked for, I would, I don’t care. I don’t care if it sounds naive. I knew what to expect if Anti ever got his hands on Jamie again. I know the way he uses people. I know the things you must have done. I don’t care. I’ve done them too. You can’t surprise me. You can’t drive me away. I… you are my family, Jackie. Ro. Whoever you are, you are my family. And that’s all that matters.”

And Ro wants to say something, to do something, to touch him, maybe, if he could. He’d like to tell him that he’s wrong, but also that he’d do anything to make him right. He’d like to tell him that he’s sorry and that he wants to be his family too, but he doesn’t know how. He wants to tell him he’s trying to believe him. He wants to push him away and hold onto him at the same time. He wants to touch his hand.

“I think I’m going to go to bed,” he says instead.

Max’s face falters with the grief of it for a moment, but then he is smiling again, calm and happy, calm and happy, and Ro is sorry, because already he is showing Max all the things he really is: too cowardly to talk to him, too cowardly to touch him, too broken to be able to have conversations like him, too lost in his own self-pity to even try.

“Get some sleep,” says Max warmly, smiling at him. Smiling so warm at him.

Ro nods and scoops up Dapper in strong arms, taking him to the bed in the other room. His little brother wakes up long enough to glance at him and see the upset in his face, but Red just shakes his head and tells him to go back to sleep, and JJ is too tired to protest.

Ro lies down, waiting for his own self-deprecation to begin attacking, attacking, eating him alive.

But strangely enough, it doesn’t, not know.

Maybe it’s warm food or a warm bed or a warm hand close to his own, but he doesn’t feel cold.

He lies awake and thinks, over and over again:

“You are worth anything. I don’t care what you’ve done.”

Max’s smiling mouth.

Jackie falls asleep.

End Section Eight of Chapter Three: Places to Find Home

#writers of jack #chapter three

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rightsockjin · 4 years

Text

flight to Paris

Description: You and Namjoon get into a fight after you overheard something you weren't meant to hear and things head for the worst.

warnings:

ANGST! you have been warned

Normally we weren’t the type to fight, or argue, or raise our voices at each other, but today seemed to be different. I went to his studio after work as per usual, taking with me our dinner and a drink so that Namjoon didn’t have to worry about getting fed. Since their new album was coming out soon he had been extremely busy, most of his time was spent in his studio and the dorms, which I didn’t mind because it was his job and his passion, so I took it upon myself to make him more comfortable with whatever he was doing. I would make sure he drank water, made sure he was eating, that his back wouldn’t stay tense, that he was getting enough sleep and countless other things to care for him, because I knew he wouldn’t do it himself.

Finally, I get to the lobby of the building that houses his creativity and use a special badge he gave to me to be able to reach his studio. I take the elevator and scan my badge which takes me to the hallway where the guys and him make music. I knock gently and slowly start to open the door knowing that he probably wouldn’t hear me even if I did knock any louder. I heard his voice and what sounds like Yoongi and Hoseok, on the other side of the door. Their tone made it seem like they were talking about something important, so I stayed frozen behind the door which was ajar. Namjoon pov “I don’t know man, there is something about her, she beautiful, and confident, she’s funny and smart, but she’s been so clingy lately. I need to work, so I can finish this. She comes everyday and she’s always asking me if I’ve eaten or slept but it’s getting annoying, like yeah cool I get she’s trying to take care of me… but I know what I’m doing. Skipping a meal or two won’t hurt me. As long as I don’t make it a habit you know.” I say with an exasperated sigh “I know her heart is in the right place, but I need my space.” I look at the guys for confirmation, but they don’t seem to want to give me their opinion. Yoongi opens his mouth as is if to speak but closes it again rethinking what he was about to say. “I get what you mean, but I think you’re taking it a bit far man, like yeah she’s gonna be like that because she cares. Don’t take advantage of that. It probably feels so great to be taken care of. I wish I had someone to care for me like she does for you.” He looks at me his eyebrows are furrowed, and he seems like he’s slightly upset. He was right she cared, and I loved that about her, and I was just being a jerk and I wasn’t appreciating her. “Damn-” the door to my studio slams shut. Confused, I walk to see who was outside. I open the door and to find the hallway empty. I walk back to my chair and finish my thought. “You’re right Yoongi, I’m just being an ass.” y/n pov Annoying. He thought I was… annoying? I didn’t know that loving him and caring for him was “annoying”. I stay by the door my thoughts drown out everything. Their words sound muddled. Tears well up in my eyes. This was one of my biggest insecurities. Ever since I was little people would say I was “annoying” so as I grew up, I tried to keep quiet and out of people's way. Trying my best to not be obnoxious, but no matter what I did I was always that girl. Always. I reground myself and notice I’m still standing by the open door. ‘I’ll give him what he wants then, ill give him his space.’ I thought. I slam the door and run back to the elevator. I step in quickly and repeatedly hit the close door button, through the slit between the elevator doors I see him walk out of the room and look around. The doors close before he’s able to notice me. I breathe deeply to try and undo the knot in my throat. I quickly shuffle out of the lobby and rush to my car. There I can finally let my emotions out, I let myself cry. Sobs fill my car, nobody notices, but then again nobody ever does. Namjoon pov Its been a few hours since the chat I had with the guys and I’m sitting alone in my studio. I feel off like something was missing, then I check the time 8:07 pm It was late I was starting to get worried. She hadn’t come to visit me, my stomach growled, and I looked at my phone. Sent: 4:31 Princess: Hey Love I just got out of work I'll be on my way soon I am going to pick up some food for both of us. Love you see you in a bit. ‘Shit. Was she the one who slammed the door? I should call her?’ I click her icon and press the call button; it rings twice, and I get sent to voicemail. “Hey, princess why didn’t you come by the studio today? I missed you, honestly, I’m a little anxious I just want to know that you’re okay. Uh… I love you… so much… please know that. Please call me back.” Worried I stare at my phone for a while hoping to get some reply from her. I tap my pen against the table and wait. I wait, and I wait, and I wait for what feels like forever. Yet, my phone doesn’t ring. Quickly I save my progress and pack my things. I walk out of my studio and rush back to our apartment. I run about twenty minutes until I reached our quaint flat. I get to the lobby and jam my finger into the up button for the elevator. I wait a few seconds for the door to open, but in my anxious state, I decide to take the stairs. Finally, I make it to our door and take the keys out of my bag, adrenaline was coursing through my veins which caused my hands to shake. I unlock the door, and I notice the apartment feels much cooler than normal, all the lights are off, and the house was eerily quiet. Did something happen to her? Did she get hurt on the way to meet me? Oh my God, she’s hurt. I look at my phone and check for her location, thank God we decided to get the locations tracking app. My mind tracks back to that day. That day had been terrible, everything was going wrong. It had rained and I forgot my umbrella, then the lights in the studio had gone out and my work hadn’t been saved so I lost all my progress, then I lost my card in my lightless studio, my phone was on the verge of death, and to top it all of my home the car I decided to take had broken down. It was 2 in the morning when I finally got home. I had decided to walk all the way back after the incident with the car. Finally, when I got to the apartment, I hear her sobbing in our room. I rush to her, ignoring my sore limbs and kneel next to her side of the bed. she had just moved to Korea and was stress about the change of setting. Her phone was in front of her, she was on a facetime call with her younger sister. She was wearing my favorite yellow sweater. “Hey, what’s wrong?” she refused to look at me and I took her phone and talked to her sister. She explained that she was stressed and that she was just feeling useless amongst other self-deprecating things. I calm her down and I get her to talk to me. “Honestly, I thought you left, I didn’t think you were coming back, or that something had happened to you. I was scared that you got hurt.” She lets out a few other concerns from her quivering pout and my heart broke. “First and foremost, I would never leave you. Ever. You mean the world to me, and there is noting that can make me think otherwise. And two, the car I took home had broken down, so I walked the rest of the way home and my phone was about to die so I decided to not use it, in case I absolutely needed it. I should have told you anyway, I’m sorry gorgeous.” I wipe a stray tear from her cheek. “Okay well I don’t want to sound super controlling or anything but when I was younger my parents had this app that would track my location in case something happened to me and my sister. I think it’s a good idea to maybe get it in case something like this happens again. Yeah?” I smiled at her worry and agreed to get the app… I check her location on my phone and notice that she isn’t too far away from our loft, so all an uber and head down again, this time taking the elevator. I stand outside the lobby and find my ride. It’s about a ten-minute ride. I recognize the building as we used to come here often. Her sister was living in some dorms while she studied with an exchange program at the university. She must have come here. I pay the driver and walk to the building. I go to the elevator and click the floor number and anxiously ascend to her dorm. Y/N pov I walk up to apartment 512 and use my key to get in, even though I had been here often it still seemed very foreign. I had texted my sister after I calmed down in my car, she told me she was free all day and that wed have a girls’ day so we could talk. I had briefly explained what had happened and what I had heard. I walk into her small apartment and throw myself onto her couch with an exasperated sigh. She walked out of her restroom with some fuzzy socks, a headband, and a matching robe, I smiled at her she responded with an apathetic smile. “you wanna talk about it or do you want me to distract you?” she hands me the fuzzy clothing. She’s not usually the type to be sympathetic, but she had a soft spot for me. I didn’t answer, but she knew what that meant. “Okay, so I got us face mask, ice cream, and other American snack you probably miss.” She quickly skips to the kitchen and walks back out excitedly holding something behind her back. I raise an eyebrow at her she smiles and pulls out a large Dr. Pepper. I smile at her and take the large bottle. We settle in and watch Friends on Netflix. Time goes by quickly and we decide to order some food. It's around seven when we finally began to talk, I had told her that I had overheard that Namjoon was getting annoyed of me, that he thought I was clingy and that he said he needed space. “He said he needed space? Hmm wow, what an ass but okay.” I vented to her for a bit even though I had talked to her about this insecurity before she was attentive. “How about you give him space? I have a week off school, all my professors are going to some convention… how about we go to Paris?” I looked up at her in disbelief. I had always wanted to go but I had never had the opportunity due to my, and Namjoon’s, busy schedule Paris had seemed like just a dream. “How are you gonna pay? Do you have enough to get a ticket and hotel fair?” She gave me a smug smile “I have my ways” she answered “don’t ask questions” she added quickly after. Her small feet patted at the wooden floor as she ran to her room to get her computer. She came back setting the laptop in front of us, she looked for tickets from Seoul to Paris, we decided on one and started to input our information. We were giddy and excited talking about all we could do together amongst other things when there was a knock at my door. “Yay! I think that’s the food.” Excitedly she runs to the door to grab our food. I was too engrossed in our planning to pay it any mind. Namjoon pov As I walked into their hall, I saw a guy stand outside of their door, I noticed his hands were full of food and paid him and took the food from him. I knocked on the door, anxiously I waited for it to open. I hear a high-pitched noise come from the other side and smile hoping it was my girl. I was slightly disappointed when her sister opened the door, she seemed bothered at the sight of me. She pushed me away from the door gently and closed the door behind her. “What did you do?” she whisper yelled at me “ she called me crying, what the hell did you say? You of all people know that being called annoying is one of her biggest insecurities, even if you didn’t think she would hear you, you shouldn’t have said that. She loves you so damn much…way too much for you to say shit like that.” I looked down at the ground, I was embarrassed at my behavior. I really was being an ass. “She doesn’t need another man-baby in her life if you can’t see that…” I interrupt her. “I love her, I realized that a while back, and I’ve been meaning to tell her, I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I don’t want her to think that I don’t appreciate her, or that I don’t love her, because I truly believe she’s my soulmate.” She looked at me with wide eyes, a small smile graced her lips. “Fine… go talk to her,” she said with a roll of her eyes. We walk into the apartment I kept my head down, and my steps light. “Someone is looking for you” her sister takes the food from my hand and took it to the kitchen. I saw her look at me then back at her computer she clicked a few buttons and returned to me. “What are you doing here?” her voice was like ice, it came to me like daggers, her words were harshly articulated, her normally smooth intonation was gone. She stood and walked towards me. I reciprocated her actions and took a step towards her but she took a step back. She looked like she was afraid of me, what had I done? The blood in my body drained to my feet, my heart ached. It suddenly felt like there was an invisible wall between us and no matter how hard I tried to break it, it stayed and persisted. “I thought you needed space? That’s what you told Hoseok and Yoongi. That I was getting too clingy,” she said nonchalantly, “I’ll stop doing that, don’t worry.” Her voice steadily grew in volume, she had never yelled at me. She was always soft-spoken and preferred to talk to defuse a situation. For her to raise her voice at me, I must have really hurt her. I knew that denying what I said would just make it worse. “Oh… so you heard that-“ she cut off my sentence with a loud sigh I decided it was better for me not to say anymore before I knew she calmed down. She took a deep breath so I continued. “I regret saying that, Yoongi pointed out that I was lucky enough to have a girl who really cared about me, and cared for me… because of all the stress… the new album brought… I didn’t even pay attention to all you’ve been doing for me… f-for us…” my voice came out weak and pathetic, I tried to swallow the knot that was logged in my throat but to no avail, the pain it caused lingered “I… can’t thank you enough… for all you do for me, and for us. You mean the universe to me. You are my universe, p..please” I fell on to my knees into a deep bow “forgive me, please.” My words stumble out of my mouth, my breathing was shaky, and you could hear it as I spoke, for once my voice betrayed me, cracking in unusual places making me seem even more pathetic than I was already feeling. I couldn’t bear to look at her, I wasn’t good enough to look at her. This was worse than any pain or worry that was caused by my job. She was my life, and I might have just messed it up. I could feel the tension building as if I was watching a movie and this was the part where the audience rooted for the girl to dump the guy. I was usually among those people but now that I am on the other side, I understand the difficulties. “I’m almost done with the album, all the time after that will be dedicated to you. I’ll reflect on what I did, and… and learn to appreciate you… because…because you’re not expandable” my voice calmed a bit. I hear her shuffle down to the ground, she kneeled next to me and grabbed my chin with her perfect delicate hands. She, even in my state of duress, still brought me immense comfort. She raised my head to look at her. Even with black circles under eyes, and with her unruly blond curls, she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, I looked at her eyes, the honey color now seemed dark and cold, pain lied behind her pupils, and I was the cause of that. A single tear streaked down her face and I saw more tears building in her doe eyes. I could see myself reflected in the pools, but I was disgusted. Was I really so ungrateful that I was willing to sacrifice the single best thing in my life? “I think…” her voice was quiet, she spoke to me, in the same manner, one would speak to a crying child, “I think I need a little bit of time, for… for myself. What you said really hurt, and I need a bit of time to think things through. Just because you’re stressed doesn’t mean you can take that out on me. I just got some tickets for us to go to Paris for a few days.” She pointed at her sister and herself. “ I need some time to breathe and when I get back we can talk, okay?” her beautiful full pout was downturned, oh how I missed her smile. It always warmed me up after a long day and now I only felt cold. “I’m not mad… I’m not mad at you, but right now…” she breathed “know that I love you, and that hasn’t changed, but I don’t like you right now, you really hurt me. You may not have meant for me to hear that, or even meant what you said but…I can’t right now.” Pain ran through my body, I fucked everything up, my whole world was crashing down, I sobbed into my palms and broken apologies escaped my mouth I broke down in front of her. My body seemed to revolt with the pain of what she was saying. It felt like I was running a fever and no medicine could stop it. No, while she was away from me. Her sister walked back into the room she handed us both a bottle of water and some toilet paper to clean ourselves up. I shakily took what she handed me but couldn’t make myself take a sip of the water. I only clutched the bottle to my chest as I struggled to stop embarrassing myself further. “I uh… called Yoongi to pick you up Joon, we’ll be here if anything happens.” She said awkwardly then left to her room. There was a knock at the door, as the love of my life walked to it and let Yoongi come in. He pulled me from the floor with a heavy sigh, wrapping an arm around me for support. He walked me to the door and closed it behind us. “It's all going to work out” he reassured patting my head affectionately which made me think that maybe it wouldn’t be okay. It was very out of character for him and this was a rare side to him. At that moment, I knew that however long it took, I would wait for my princess.

y/n pov

“Uh, hey… someone is looking for you.” She walks back into the room and behind her stood Namjoon, he was caring what seemed like our food. I looked at him then back at the computer I clicked the check out button and quickly paid for the tickets. “What are you doing here.” All my pent-up anger had finally come out of me. He said he wanted space so why was he here? Did he come to rub it in my face, and lie to me? Had he been lying to me this whole time? Did he even like me? He walked towards me and I took a step back. “ I thought you wanted space? That what you told Hoseok and Yoongi. That I was getting too clingy. I'll stop doing that don’t worry.” My voice was in a steady crescendo, my initially calm tone had grown into a more aggressive, and assertive one. “ Oh… so you heard that?” he looked down at his feet and scratched the back of his neck. My heart sank, he didn’t even deny it. I look around to see my sister she gave me a steady nod and raised her arms as if to tell me to breathe. I did as she told me and took a deep breath. “I regret saying that, yoongi pointed out that I was lucky enough to have a girl who really cared about me, and cared for me because of all the stress the new album was causing I wasn’t even paying attention to all the effort you put into us and…” his voice wavered and he swallowed the knot in his throat “I can't thank you enough for all you do for me, and for us. You mean the universe to me. You are my universe, p…please” he fell onto his knees “forgive me, please.” He says, his usually smooth voice was given a slight vibrato, it cracked and his breathing became labored. I looked down at him, his crestfallen demeanor hurt me. I hated seeing him in any type of pain, and this opened my eyes. “I’m… I’m almost done with the album, all the time after that will be dedicated to you. I'll reflect on what I did and learn to appreciate you because you aren’t expandable.” His voice seemed a bit calmer, and he looked up to me, his eyes were swollen, and his nose was red. I knelt down to his level and grabbed his chin. “I think…” my voice cracked, “I think I need a little bit of time… for myself. What you said really hurt, and I need a bit to get over it. Just because you’re stressed doesn’t mean you can take that out on me. I just got some tickets for us to go to Paris for a few days.” I pointed at my sister and me “ I need some time to breathe and when I get back we can talk, okay?” I sent him a frown “I’m not mad… I’m not mad at you, but right now…” I paused “know that I love you, but I don’t like you right now, you really hurt me. You may not have meant for me to hear that, or even meant what you said but…I can’t right now.” He apologized between broken sobs. My sister came into the room with some water for us, and a roll of toilet paper for our runny noses. “I uh… called Yoongi to pick you up Joon, well be here if anything happens.” She said awkwardly then left to her room. There was a knock at the door, I walked to it and let Yoongi come in. he took Namjoon from the floor and walked out the door. After I heard the door close I feel once again to my knees.

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