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temilyrights · 4 years

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watching you, watching her (chapter three)

Jack Sloane x Reader

Word Count: 3476

A/N: The third and final chapter! Mixed feelings about this one >.< but i hope you enjoy and as always, feedback is welcome and appreciated :)

Read on AO3

Chapter Two

The offer comes a week or so later. You’ve been headhunted a couple of times since you started working at NCIS 5 years ago, but you’ve always turned them down without a second thought. However, when the call comes through this time you listen to the DOD agent’s whole offer and agree to think about it. The second the call ends guilt churns through your stomach as you think over what it would mean to actually leave NCIS.

You enjoyed your job but Ellie was right that you weren’t happy there anymore. You couldn’t be, not when Jack was around you constantly. Everything felt duller and there was no excitement turning up to the office each day. Most day’s just consisted of you trying to keep yourself together every time she appeared, which was often, and it was affecting your ability to work, your instincts were slacking and even if the others were too polite to say anything they’d definitely noticed.

On the better days, you could get through without much incident. Jack had been the same with you since the night at the bar, and despite the pain you felt every time you saw her, you could never say no to her and that was what would be your downfall.

A fresh start didn’t sound like a bad thing. It wasn’t like you’d never see them again. You’d still be in Washington and it was common enough for the DOD to interact with NCIS so you’d probably cross paths with them on cases. You’d see them outside the office as well. Ellie had been taking weekly yoga classes with you for the past year anyway. It would just give you a break, time to heal and get over your feelings because working with Jack every day was just cutting you apart. You couldn’t do it anymore.

You don’t realise you’re crying until it becomes difficult to breathe. Your arms wrap around your waist as tears stream down your cheeks. You grieve that night. Grieve for Jack, grieve for the team, the family you might lose. The thing was it didn’t feel wrong, It didn’t feel like you were just running away. It felt right, like it was time to move on.

When you get the chance to tour around the DOD a couple of weeks later, being shown what could possibly be your office and bribed with the promise of having a team of your own, you know it’s time to tell Gibbs.

----

The whole drive to Gibbs’ house your nerves are in turmoil. His door is, unsurprisingly, unlocked and with a shout of his name, that receives no response, you head to his basement. He’s working on his boat and barely spares a glance in your direction as you descend the stairs unable to control your fidgeting hands. “Hey, Gibbs.”

He pours 2 glasses of whiskey as you slowly make your way over, placing one in your hand. “Thanks.” You take a slow sip using the delay to gather your thoughts. You’d planned a whole speech but now, standing in front of him, none of it felt good enough.

“Got somethin’ on your mind?”

You square your shoulders at his words, pulling together all the confidence you can muster. “The DOD has offered me a job...And I’m thinking of taking it.” You down the rest of the whiskey in one glug to avoid looking at the man in front of you, dumping the glass on the table.

“Ok.”

Eyes narrowing you look back up to him. “Ok?”

Gibbs shrugs. “I can’t say I’m surprised...Doesn’t mean I won’t miss ya though.” Tears instantly fill your eyes and Gibbs pulls you into a tight hug. You bury your face in the fabric of his t-shirt as tears trickle down your cheeks. “Just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons.”

Huffing a laugh you pull back from his hug. “What are the wrong reasons?” His steel-blue eyes stare at you. “I can’t be around her every day. I know I’ve been half the agent I usually am the last couple of months. I’ve tried so many different ways to get past my feelings but every time I start something happens that sends me spiralling back to square one again.” You choke a laugh, voice catching in your throat. “Y-you should change rule 12 to never fall in love with your coworker.”

Gibbs sighs, pulling you back into another tight hug. He places a kiss on the top of your head. “Just make sure you tell her.” You aren’t sure if he’s talking about you leaving or that you’re in love with her but it doesn’t matter, you just hug him closer.

----

You accept the job offer at the DOD the following week and the next morning you hand in your resignation letter into HR.

Tim, Nick and Ellie are laughing together in the bullpen when you arrive. A sad smile crosses your face and Ellie’s laughter falters when she sees you. She’s up from her desk in seconds. “What’s happened?” The other two’s laughter trails off as they turn to face you. Faces filled with concern, confusion and dread look at you. You were really going to miss them.

“I uh, I just handed in my two weeks notice.” Ellie’s pulling you into a tight hug before you even finish talking. You were pretty sure she’d suspected this was coming for the last few weeks.

“Are you leaving DC?” Nick asks, hand resting on your shoulder. You shake your head, wiping away a few tears that had escaped.

“No. I’ve got a job with the DOD. My own team, you know? So I’ll still be close. Don’t worry you can’t get rid of me completely.” You try for a joke but it falls flat at Nick’s sad expression. He pulls you into a hug and then seconds later Tim is doing the same.

“Oh come on guys, I’ll make sure to keep bugging you once I’m gone and I’m sure we’ll get to fight over jurisdiction.” Tim releases a sad chuckle. Your eyebrows furrow as you notice Ellie smiling sadly as she stared at something behind you.

You turn around, gulping when you notice it’s Jack. Her eyes are filled with unshed tears. “You’re leaving?” The disbelief in her voice makes your heartache.

“Yeah. Two weeks.”

“Why?”

“The DOD offered me-”

“No.” Jack shakes her head, tone sharp. Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “No. You’ve had job offers before but you’ve always turned them down. Why are you leaving?”

“Jack-” You can’t look at her as your voice hitches, very aware of the fact that you were currently standing in the bullpen and people were watching. “I’ve been here for 5 years. I thought it was time to move on.”

Jack huffs at that, shaking her head. “I-” Her voice cracks and you blink quickly, looking upwards to stop your tears from escaping. “You aren’t telling me the truth.”

The accusation in her voice makes you flinch as your eyes meet hers. Even from this distance, you can see the anger swarming in her. You sigh, all energy leaving your body as exhaustion sweeps through you. “Does it matter why?”

Jack’s mouth hangs open in disbelief. “Does it matter? Of course, it matters!”

“I’m leaving. It’s already done. Can’t you at least pretend to be happy for me?” God knows I’ve done it enough for you. Jack huffs and storms off. You release a loud groan, throwing yourself into your desk chair.

“Well, that was certainly something.” Nick quips and you glare at him prompting him to hold his hands up in mock surrender. “Just saying.”

You sigh, dropping your head to your desk and release a long whine.

----

She stalks around the office for the next 3 days. She barely even speaks to you and when she does it’s with a short clipped tone. It pisses you off and after she decides to take the stairs instead of sharing an elevator journey together, you’ve finally had enough.

That evening you storm up to her office, slamming the open office door behind you and relishing in the way she jumps in shock. “What the fuck is your problem?” Jack doesn’t react to the venom in your tone just stares back at you as she sits at her desk. “I tell you I’m leaving and you’ve done nothing but rage around the office since! If you’ve got a problem, be an adult, and speak to me about it!”

“What, so you can just lie to me again?”

“I told you. I want a change, is that so hard to understand?” You’re pacing now, walking the length of her office as you try to calm yourself down.

Jack stands from her desk, walking around and cutting off your path. Her eyes narrow as she stares at you. “You’ve always said you love it here. Why would you suddenly want to leave?”

“It’s not sudden. It’s just you’re only just finding out about it.”

“And when did we stop talking about stuff like this? Why didn’t you say you were unhappy here? I could’ve helped!” Jack shouts, eyes flashing with hurt and anger.

“I don’t want your help!” You roar. There’s silence as Jack steps away. She looks as if you’ve slapped her and honestly you might have well had. Rage courses through you as frustrated tears fill your eyes.

“What the hell do you want then? Because there’s no way you want to leave. These people are your family!”

“Don’t you think I know that? I was in tears when I told Gibbs but he understands. Everyone understands apart from you!”

“Because they seem to know the real reason!” You weren’t doing this. You weren’t telling her. There was no way she could ever know.

“I’ve told you the reason! Why can’t you just accept it?” You’re spluttering and Jack shakes her head, looking away as tears escape down her cheeks. All the tension drops from your shoulders. “Please Jack, please don’t make this harder than it already is.”

She turns to you, her hand brushing away the tears rolling down your own cheeks and you squeeze your eyes tightly shut in response. She lingers a couple of seconds, before dropping her hand and stepping away as she sighs. Her touch always had the ability to ground you but at the same time set your body on fire. Today it just made your heartache. You don’t understand why she keeps doing this...does she not understand what she’s doing to you?

You don’t look at her, just make your way to the couch to put some distance between the two of you. She stays by her desk, eyes tracking you. “I don’t want to lose you,” Jack speaks barely above a whisper and your eyes snap to her.

“You won’t.”

“I feel like I already have.” You look away at that. She’s right, everything has changed the last few months. She’d been just as distant with you though so you’d assumed she’d been too preoccupied with Sarah to notice. You’d been in a constant fight with yourself with wanting her close and wanting her as far away as possible and it was tearing you apart. “Did I do something?”

The vulnerability in Jack’s voice makes your mouth wobble. “No. I just- I can’t stay here anymore.” You were scared she’d outright ask you to stay because if she did you weren’t sure you’d have the power to say no. Your willpower was already diminishing every minute you stayed in her office. She moved to the couch, sitting close enough that your legs touched. Your hands are squeezing the fabric of your trousers and Jack reaches out and covers one with her hand. You instantly relax at the touch and she grips tighter, rubbing soothing circles on the top of your hand. You watch her closely, questions swarming in your eyes.

“Why?” Her eyes bore into yours.

“Please don’t make me say it.”

“Y/N...” Jack says your name so softly that tears spring to your eyes. She’s so close, her eyes fluttering over your face before focusing on your lips. You quickly pull away, ripping your hands from Jack’s grasp and moving to the other side of the room, fists squeezing tightly as you try to control your swirling emotions.

“You can’t keep doing that.” You listen as she gets off the couch and steps behind you, her hand reaching out lighting touching your back causing you to flinch away. Your eyes plead for her to understand, desperation seeping into your voice as you turn to face her. “It’s not fair. You touch and you hover and you care and then 2 seconds later mention your girlfriend.”

“Y/N, I-”

“No! Do you not get how hard I have been trying to keep myself together these past few months? And I was finally getting somewhere, I was finally making progress and then you go and almost kiss me! And you were drunk so I couldn’t be mad but it hurt so much Jack. It hurts and I still don’t know what any of it means!” Tears stream down your face, you can barely see her but you feel when her arms wrap around you. You try to pull away but she just holds you tighter, her hands running over your hair and her tears seeping into your shirt, all your fight leaves you and you relax into her arms.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Jack repeats over and over again as she clings onto you. “I didn’t think you felt the same way.” She sniffs. “I was so tired of pining over you. I spent so much time trying to focus on Sarah, distancing myself from you, but no matter how hard I’ve tried I’m always drawn right back. I started to realise maybe you felt the same but by then I thought it was for the best, that maybe you were better off without me.”

You pull away, tear-filled eyes stare back at you. A sad sigh escapes your lip as you shake your head. “I could never be better off without you.”

“Y/N, I’m messy and complicated and too angry and you deserve someone who doesn’t come with all my baggage. You deserve someone who’s better.”

“But that’s up to me to choose Jack. It’s not up to you!” Jack goes to protest but you hold your hand up, halting her. “It doesn’t matter anyway, because you chose Sarah.”

“Because I was too scared to choose you.” You look up, blinking quickly as you take a deep breath to try and control the onset of tears threatening to break free. “We broke up. A couple of weeks ago.” Your eyes snap to Jack, your mouth hanging open in shock. “After our almost kiss I couldn’t get you out of my head and Sarah had finally had enough. She broke up with me and I didn’t tell anyone because I was embarrassed and ashamed and-”

“She’s gone? For good?” Jack nods. “A-and you want me? You’d choose me?”

“Yes, but Y/N-” You don’t let her finish, grabbing her left hand and pulling her towards you as your other hand cups her cheek and brings her lips to yours. Jack gasps but you swallow the noise. Her fingers dig into your waist as she pulls you flush against her body. The kiss deepens, your tongues fighting for dominance as your tears mix together and your hands find their way to Jack’s hair, you grip it and she releases a deep moan that sets your whole body on fire and sends heat straight between your legs.

You only pull away once the need to breathe becomes too strong. Foreheads resting together as you both gasp for air. “But what?”

“Huh?” Jack’s dazed expression brings a smirk to your lips. “I-I don’t remember.” Her eyes fall back to your mouth, her tongue darting out to wet her own lips in the process. You reach out, tucking a strand of her behind her ear. The next kiss is softer and slower as you take the time to explore each other’s mouths. You nip at her lip enjoying the breathy noises you can bring out of her. Jack pushes you backwards by your hips until your bottom hits her desk, you don’t hesitate to spread your legs so she can stand between them. Your hands move to her waist as hers hang around your neck as the kiss deepens. A deep moan that rips from your throat as she pushes her thigh between your legs and her tongue sweeps against yours.

“Jack” You breathe, pulling your mouth from hers.

“Mm?” She hums, her mouth goes in search of yours again but you pull back with a laugh.

“We should stop.” Your eyes flick to the office door and Jack sighs, her bottom lip jutting out in protest. “Anyone could walk in and as much I’m enjoying having you between my legs,” Jack grins and you lean in to whisper in her ear. “I want to take my time exploring every inch of your body and I can’t do that here.” Jack groans, swallowing roughly, her eyes almost black with desire.

“Right.” She coughs, stepping back slightly but still within your grasp. Your hands sit loosely at her waist.

“So, what happens now?”

“Well…I’d like to see where this goes, I assume you do too,” You roll your eyes playfully, nodding. “Then we do that. You can start by letting me take you out on a date.”

You grin. “I think I can manage that.”

“Good.” Jack smiles softly. You see the hesitation wash over her face and you frown. “And...the job?”

You swallow roughly. “All the paperwork has already gone through. I’ve signed the contract with the DOD.”

“I can get Leon to pull some strings, you wouldn’t have to leave.” You bite your lip. Jack’s face drops and she steps back out of your grasp. “Unless you want to?”

“I don’t know. I need to think about it.” Jack nods but the disappointment and confusion are clear on her face. “The original reason for me leaving was, uh...”

“Because of me.”

You nod slightly. “I’ve been distracted, my instincts slacking because I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” You release a self-deprecating laugh at that.

“I’m sorry-”

“Don’t apologise, it’s not your fault I fell hopelessly in love with you.” Jack gasps, her eyes watering. You clear your throat awkwardly, ducking your head as your words catch up with you. “I shouldn’t have said-”

“I-I love you too.” Your own eyes shine with tears. Jack reaches forward, her hand brushing your cheek as she presses a soft kiss against your lips. You smile softly at one another. “Sorry, uh, you were saying?” Jack doesn’t pull away as far this time.

“Right...It really is a great opportunity and I think I want to at least see where it could go.”

Jack nods. “The DOD is great and your own team, I understand the appeal.”

“But you don’t want me to go?”

“Of course not.” Jack smiles softly at you. “But you should, your face lit up when you spoke about it and anyway NCIS will always be here if you want to come back.”

“They’ll replace me-”

“I can have you back with one phone call to Leon,” Jack smirks and you break out into laughter, you pull her in close and place a kiss on her lips despite both of your wide smiles.

“So you’re okay with it?”

“I mean...I don’t love it but I love you,” Your heart flutters in your chest, it feels weird to hear her say those words again. “and I want to see you happy, so yes, I’m more than okay with it.” All your tension seeps away, your eyes watering as you smile.

“Thank you.” You breathe. As much as you’d like to pretend it didn’t, Jack’s opinion meant a lot to you and you don’t know what you’d have done if she hadn’t agreed with it. You huff a breath. “Today’s been quite a day huh?”

Jack laughs. “I wouldn’t change it, not when I now have you in my arms.” She rolls her eyes at herself. “God, that was cheesy.”

You smirk. “I like cheesy.”

“Well don’t get used to it.”

“I wouldn’t dare.” At Jack’s smile, you can’t help yourself, you pull her in for another kiss. Making sure to draw it out, kissing her softly and slowly before pulling away with a nip to her bottom lip. “Could get used to that though.”

Jack hums. “Now who sounds cheesy.” She doesn’t give you time to respond, instead, pulling you back in for another kiss.

Mmm. You could definitely get used to this.

#jack sloane x reader #jack sloane #jacqueline sloane #multi chap #watching you watching her #ncis #maria bello #reader insert #writing #fanfiction #fanfic

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ripuels · 4 years

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For @outreotter <3

(Another one that got way out of hand, also I haven’t managed to read over it mine soul is on Jupiter locked in a fridge sorry. Posting it as text under the cut because tumblr remains awful about my ask box~)

“If you're in some kind of trouble, you can tell me.” Christopher doesn't steer far from her hip as he welcomes her into the lounge room and she falls into the couch.

“What makes you think I'm in trouble?”

The responding look is one of disbelief, he hardly has to be reminded who he's talking to.

“Okay, okay sure. I'm avoiding someone, and your- the door wasn't locked, and I thought-” Amanda sees the incredulous synthetic stand opposite, arms folding across his chest, “oh my God, this was such a bad idea. I'm just- yeah, I'm gonna go.”

“Wait!” Samuels catches her with urgency, she freezes at the edge of the couch. “Stay, for a tea? I haven't seen you in a year, it's been odd to say the least, and concerning- the radio silence after all we've been through, and suddenly you're in my hallway, I- it would be nice, to catch up.”

She sits back down, nodding slowly. “Tea never hurt anyone. But just tea, then I gotta get back to work.”

“Amy- Ripley,” he corrects himself as she flinches to a microscopic degree, “it's Sunday.”

She knows what he's getting at, calling her out on any reason to leave in a hurry. “Is it?” Her voice drags with a heavy sarcasm even Christopher couldn't miss. “I had no idea. Mostly because I've been working non-stop for about five weeks. Fucking staff cuts left us with half the crew and double the work, and I can't even complain because I'm one of the fortunate ones who still has a job. And-”

Samuels watches as she sinks comfortably into the couch pillows, ankle crossed over the other knee. It's funny that such a simple movement reminds him how flexible she is, especially her hips.

“Sorry,” she groans and scrubs at her eyes, “that's exactly what I'm doing right now isn't it?”

“It’s quite alright. I'm interested and happy to listen.”

“It’s just, my whole crew was made up of contractors, once their time was up, they didn't want to bother renewing and The Company saw the opportunity to save some dollars.” Amanda huffs, “fuck all the rest of us I guess.”

Samuels nods compassionately, pacing over to the kitchen to put the kettle on, leaning over his elbows on the bench. It's amazing how unique this synthetic has developed compared to all the others, since the breakup she had never struggled to speak to other Samuels units, though identical, she never saw his face in them. But him, Christopher, he could be standing amongst a hundred others and he'd be the sole blip on her radar.

“You're obviously not easily replaced,” he means it in more ways than one, “maybe take it higher to HR, they could always steer you in the right direction. I’d be happy to help, if you needed anything from Legal-?”

Ripley smiles, pulling her hair over her shoulder and sliding her forearm behind her head. “Any excuse, you haven't changed a bit,” she laughs, definitely joking though not far wrong, “but I don't want to bug you for help. You've done enough for me after everything, and I already owe more than I could pay you back in years.”

“We had years,” Christopher says simply, fondly, an ease in his voice that Amanda can't tell is reminiscing or final. Or which one she would prefer it to be. “And they were good years. Consider your debt paid. However nonexistent it is.”

She gently scratches her fingertips in the hair behind her ear, letting out a resigned sigh as he prepares a few mugs.

“How long have you been back?”

“Two months.” She says with a hard stare. He doesn’t look upset or surprised by the fact that she hadn’t called around to visit, but curious. “I moved in with- with someone, in the hab units, y’know the permanent accommodation ones? By the bay. Nice view, but really quiet.” By that, she means lonely. “Figure I may as well set myself up if I’m going to be around for a while.”

“Oh, I see. Have you…” He starts, taking a moment to compose himself a little better, stripping the desperation out of his voice. “Have you found someone? Human?” He adds a little unnecessarily.

After him? Hell no, she thinks. She had her shot at love, at life, at everything, and she blew it. What the fuck would she even do with a new lover but silently wish they were someone else? Someone in particular.

“No, God no. I've just, been around.” She says nonchalantly, which isn't a total lie. A few dates, made a few more friends, he always said she needed more of them.

“Anyone right now?”

Amanda doesn't mean to laugh, a little sadly, looking directly at him. “Always.”

“Oh.”

The synthetic doesn't seem surprised by the revelation, in fact, he doesn't look anything.

“Dammit, Chris. Have you turned your emotional programming off again?” Amanda knows him, and knows he is smarter than to lie to her, so he stays quiet. “You're getting worryingly good at faking it. Even convinced me for a while there. Why the hell?”

Samuels tugs his tie loose with a finger, a movement usually telling of his synthetic measure of anxiety. This time however, it looks more habitual. His face is icy, unbothered, his eyes relaxed under a numb brow. “I found it easier to function.” To cope. “How did you know?”

Ripley gets up and wanders to the other side of the bench, hands wringing at the edge of it. “Because this isn't you, Samuels. Even before you met me you were emotional, sentimental, and now you're just- just like all the others. But worse actually, because you're choosing to be.”

As if she hadn't spoken at all, he finds another subject. One he would experience an immeasurable amount of panic over had he been able to feel anything at all. “Did you ever find any more answers?” His controlled hand pours boiling water into two mugs. “To the whereabouts of Ellen?”

“No, and turns out I didn't want them anyway.” Amanda doesn't need to try to sound convincing. “It's a huge universe out there and I could look for my entire life, waste- my entire life, and not even get a net to the bottom. I'm finished. It's what she would have wanted, I think.”

“I believe you're right. It's what we all wanted for you. To find some peace.”

“Closure.” She smiles weakly and he nods. “I’m getting there. One step at a time. First things first, I still gotta settle into my new joint. Make it, I don’t know, comfortable. Like this place.”

“You're always welcome to stay here. It is half your house too.” Christopher stops himself from saying home, something it hasn't been in over twelve months. “There is a spare room or two.”

“I couldn't intrude like that. You probably have a whole social group, a girlfriend, boyfriend, both, who knows. Feels wrong to kick your door down so suddenly,” she says, a little downhearted. The synthetic opens his mouth to assure her he absolutely doesn't, but she trudges onward. “Thanks though, Chris. I’ll keep it in mind.”

He resigns to nod, knowing first hand that corralling this woman never ended well in the past. “Offer isn't retractable, not that you won't let yourself in anyway. Clearly.”

Amanda takes her tea with a thankful smile, leaning on her elbows. The man across mirroring her. “Hey, yeah.” She rests the rim of the mug to her chin. “Why was the door unlocked?”

“It’s silly, really.” He finally looks away, perhaps considering dishonesty. “I haven't locked it since you left, since I didn't know if you still had a key or not. I'm not sure what possesses me to do it, but I thought of this place as a safe haven of sorts, for if you ever need.” He finds himself looking into the face of a woman who knows her soul is being x-rayed. “Good thing too, came in as a handy sanctuary, from mysterious pursuers.”

At this she rolls her eyes. “Okay, you got me. There wasn't actually anyone, I just wanted to drop in but something came over me. It was as if-” she takes a sip and shrugs, “it was just dumb.”

“As if what?”

“As if- I was coming home I guess. I was just going to knock but before I knew it, I was standing in the hallway, and then you were there and, yeah, I panicked.” She finds herself smiling along with him. “You should turn it back on, by the way. Your feelings. It's not fair that I'm here all shaky knees and racing heart and you're just a slab of limestone.”

His face falls. “I don't think that's a very good idea.”

“Why? What's wrong?”

Samuels straightens off the bench. “It just isn't.”

Amanda doesn't push. “Y'know, if you need someone to talk to, support, I'm here. I might not have always been but, I am now.”

He thinks for a moment, remembering the times when his ex-lover would break down between his legs in the bath, against the wall of the hallway, when he came home to her tiny frame hunkered behind the couch, terrified, knife in her defensive hand and sweat beading on her forehead. She'd always let him be there, let him in, and he never allowed her the slightest room for guilt.

It had been months since Samuels felt anything, since he became lost in processing grief, regret, anxiety. Why would she leave? How could she? Would she ever come back? But above all, could she ever come back? He knew Amanda would follow the trail until the end, whether it be of the line, or her life.

If he were to tune into all of that now, should the dam crumble, he doesn't think she should be around to see it. But if she leaves, it may be for good, truly, this chance as fleeting as her.

“Amanda, I- I would, but I haven't- not in a long time. I have reason to err on the side of caution, that it may not be something you want to witness.” Samuels' report is composed, even as he fidgets with the mug handle. “I have no clue what to expect, but suspect it will not be pleasant.”

“Keeping shit bottled up is only going to break you. I’m not going to push, but let me help you, if you need. Anything. No expiry date.”

Samuels rubs his hair back, disturbing the perfect form that somehow always defied not only the weather, but her playful tussling. He seems defeated by the fact that he has nothing to lose. “Could I-” he starts, placing his drink down, “Could I just trouble you for a hug?”

Amanda recoils, she doesn't know why her reaction is of surprise, not until she remembers where they stand. Square one. Or perhaps more accurately, not even on the same tile at all. “Yeah, course you can.”

She takes the initiative to wander over and feed her hands under his arms, dragging them together tightly around his chest. Without hesitation he takes her around the shoulders.

He hasn't changed a bit, still warmer than he should be, still wearing the same deliciously oaky cologne she brought a few Christmases ago. The one he wore because he was convinced he smelled of chemicals. Like new silicone baking trays. Amongst other things. And he still holds her as if she is vanishing before his very eyes.

Now more than ever, she thinks. Even at her scariest, most dire moments, when his hand was the only thing holding her to the face of the Earth, he never squeezed so desperately.

“Samuels,” she whispers, turning her face from his shoulder to nestle into the crook of his neck. His grip eases as if foreseeing the 'you're hurting me' or 'that's enough now' coming. “When was the last time you had a rest cycle?”

“Since the morning.”

“You sleeping every day now?” Amanda steps back hesitantly, her thumbs rubbing his forearms.

“No,” he clarifies. “The morning I woke up and you were gone.”

Her heart gives a punishing ache, but presented with the opportunity to make things right, she wasn’t going to screw it up again. “’Kaye. C’mon. Bed with you. Now.”

“I'd rather be here. You're due to go to work soon and I haven’t seen you in-”

“Fuck work. You need me. You need somebody.” She wriggles up behind him shoves his waist forward. “Rest cycle for you, then if you want, I'll duck out and pick up some dinner. Maybe Italian and a bottle of wine, and if you're really lucky, or the wine is good, I'll stay the night. But only if you’re prepared to turn everything back on over dinner and we talk about this. Properly.”

“Wait, you'll truly stay?”

She nods her head as he peers over his shoulder. “Couch or spare room. Or would you prefer I went home? Just figured, you might want the company.”

“No! No, of course I do. Please.” He's not even able to change out of his work suit before he's pushed roughly on the bed, the throw rug at the base is dragged up to his chin. Amanda at least unfastens a few buttons of his shirt and unhooks his tie. “What will you be doing while I rest? It'll take-” he seems to calculate, discomfort and disappointment falling over him, “four hours, twenty-five minutes.”

Ripley flops down the the bedside chair, pulling out her phone. “I'll just be here, for when you come to.”

“Alright.” Christopher hums, rolling onto his side, his eyes fluttering closed. Looking as close to a dead battery as she had ever seen him, though physically at full charge. “Before I- I am out, I want you to know, I’m so happy to see you, Amanda.”

“Happy.” She teases gently. “And how can you tell without-?”

“They’re already back online.”

#i may or may not have fallen asleep on my keybort during this #pls tell me if there is just a huge patch in the middle of ggggggggggggg forrever #thank you

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desert-recipes · 4 years

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Gluten-Free Lemon Bars

A basic lemony shortbread crust with a tart, refreshing lemon custard, these gluten complimentary lemon bars are so simple to make. Perfect for any kind of event, from potlucks to cook sales.

Smooth, luscious and tart classic gluten complimentary lemon bars appear to be cherished by virtually every person. If you don't enjoy them, or anything lemon flavored, then this recipe is not mosting likely to be for you.

If you're a lemon lover (as well as if you are, then you have to attempt our lemon extra pound cake and our lemon meltaway cookies), you are going to love these bars. The crust is the perfect mix of chewy and crunchy, and the custard is lemony cool and fresh. There are several other Gluten-free candies that you must have had since your childhood and can still continue having them which are mentioned in this article in FoodWellSaid.com

Guarantee you'll make use of newly squeezed lemon juice Standard lemons are offered year-round, however we do have a tendency to get the ideal ones in the dead of winter season. Meyer Lemons, which are assumed to be a cross in between oranges and also lemons, aren't available year-round.

All this is to claim ... there is truly just no justification for utilizing bottled lemon juice. I'll never ever have the ability to expand my very own lemons, yet I'll bake with them for life and also ever before because lemon-flavored things are virtually as globally loved as chocolate-flavored points.

I oath never to utilize bottled lemon juice in baking (or otherwise for that matter). Cooking and also cooking mean using heat, and also heat magnifies tastes. Simply wait until you bake with it if the taste isn't terrific at the start. Anyhow, you'll need at the very least one fresh lemon for the lemon enthusiasm so your crust, and not simply your dental filling is pucker-worthy. These lemon bars are seriously. You'll never perplex them with any kind of other flavor. I think the term is ROBUST. How to make these gluten totally free lemon bars. Ingredients. For the Crust. 2 cups Bob's Red Mill Gluten Free 1:1 Baking Flour. 1/2 mug powdered sugar (confectioners sugar). 1 mug salted butter, cubed as well as chilly. For the Filling. 6 large eggs. 2 1/4 mugs granulated sugar. enthusiasm of 2 lemons. 3/4 cup fresh lemon juice (about 3 lemons). 1/2 mug Bob's Red Mill Gluten Free 1:1 Baking Flour. Instructions. 1. Preheat oven to 350 levels and line a 9x13 inch cooking dish with parchment paper.

2. Add the flour and also and powdered sugar to the bowl of a food mill. Pulse to blend then add the butter and also pulse till integrated and the dough starts to create into a ball.

3. Remove the dough from the food processor and also press into all-time low of the ready frying pan, spreading it out equally and also to the sides. Bake at 350 levels for 18-20 minutes or up until the edges are a little gold.

4. To make the filling, whisk with each other the eggs, granulated sugar, lemon zest, lemon juice, and flour till totally integrated. Pour over the baked crust and bake at 350 levels for 25-30 minutes or until the sides are set as well as middle is still slightly jiggly.

Amazing totally on a cord rack then refrigerate at the very least 2 hrs or even overnight. Dust with extra powdered sugar before offering.

Notes. Add 1 tsp when making the crust as well as 1/4 tsp when making the filling if you utilize a flour mix that doesn't have xanthan gum.

You can mix up the loading while the crust is baking. You do not require to cool down the crust prior to you include the filling as you will be baking it again instantly after.

Store in an impermeable container in the fridge approximately 1 week.

Standard lemons are offered year-round, but we do often tend to get the best ones in the dead of wintertime. I oath never ever to utilize bottled lemon juice in cooking (or otherwise for that issue). Anyway, you'll need at the very least one fresh lemon for the lemon zest so your crust, as well as not just your filling is pucker-worthy. These lemon bars are no joke. To make the dental filling, whisk with each other the eggs, granulated sugar, lemon passion, lemon juice, as well as flour up until totally combined.

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collegewriting2 · 5 years

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Pepperoni Lasagna

by Travis G.

My recipe I chose to make a tumblr post about is one that holds a place at my family’s dinner table and is specifically made for me. Holiday food is something many people look forward to when that time of year comes around. People get excited for the turkey and mashed potatoes and third and fourth helpings of stuffing at Thanksgiving. Christmas also brings many special foods that each family prepares whether it be a traditional dish or cultural dish. However, for me holidays always meant I had to eat before we left to go to whatever house was hosting. I am not a fan of turkey, ham or any of the traditional holiday dishes many people serve at the gatherings. Nothing against any of the cooks who prepared the meals, I just have a very peculiar pallet and a particular taste for things. I have always been a picky eater no matter how hard I tried not to be. Some people were more understanding and some told me to just suck it up and eat what was there, which is what happened most of the time.

Then one Christmas, around nine or ten years ago, my grandma Carolyn formed an idea. She is such a sweet lady and is always trying to make sure everyone is taken care of and comfortable. She never was a fan of hearing me say that I wasn’t having anything because I already ate because she wanted me to not feel left out. This lead her to make me something special for me so that I could have something to eat as well. I am a huge fan of pizza and I love her homemade lasagna. She combined these two things that I like and she knew I ate into one dish. She found pepperoni lasagna recipes on the internet and surprised me with it on Christmas. It was revolutionary to say the least. Not only was it a big hit for me, but everyone else was a fan of it too. So now there is a family tradition, and a little running joke, that grandma makes pepperoni lasagna for me when it’s actually not just for me, but it’s for everyone.

This was very significant to me and my holiday experience from then on because I always did feel a little left out when it came time to eat. I would always sit there awkwardly just drinking whatever beverage I had while my brothers and cousins would be chowing down on all sorts of different foods. No one would ever make fun of me for not having anything to eat, but you could tell that everyone was kind of curious as to why I wouldn’t be eating. The fact that my grandma went the extra mile to make it so that I was part of the group and didn’t feel like I wasn’t part of the holiday festivities. Even better was the fact that she did it in a way as to never make me feel that I was burdening her with making something extra.

There are several great things about making pepperoni lasagna. I chose this also because it is a very simple and minimal effort dish to make. I am a huge fan of food that is easy preparation and you can just toss it in the oven and forget about it for a while. Also this dish is very customizable as you can add or take out whatever ingredients you want without straying away from being still being pepperoni lasagna. The dish allows for some creativity as well as being a very cheap option. This is not going to bust the bank to make and you are able to make a decent amount of it to feed several people. Overall the dish can take from 30 minutes or longer depending on how “done” you prefer your lasagna noodles. This way it is not an all day project but you’re getting more out of it than something you toss in the microwave. As a broke college student this was always a go to meal of mine and it always gave me that nostalgic feeling from being that special dish my grandma made me for Christmas.

First, gather up all of your ingredients.

Then comes boiling the lasagna noodles. You do this for about 7-9 minutes to cook the pasta until almost done.

Next, start layering your lasagna in your tray. I prefer to use tongs for this part because I don’t like touching the slimy pasta.

Now you start pouring in your pasta and have your mom take a not so flattering picture of you while doing it. I used a spoon to help spread the sauce evenly over the layers of noodles.

Following the sauce, I layered the pepperoni over top of the sauce. You can layer as much pepperoni into each section as you want, but I prefer to keep it lighter and to one layer.

After the pepperoni layering I started with the cheese. If you are like me I like to use a lot of cheese and this is ok, no one will judge you.

Now you repeat those steps of pasta, sauce, pepperoni, and cheese layering until you have used up all of your pasta and finish with some sauce and cheese on top.

You now have your beautiful finished product. Doesn’t that just look delicious and ready to eat? Well if you’re thinking this, stop right there because you have to cook it first.

Put it in the oven at 375 degrees for around 45 minutes. Now you can pull that hot mess out of the oven and give it some time to cool. You’re ready for some lasagna and to enjoy the food you worked semi-hard on.

Blazy’s Pepperoni Studded Lasagna

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/guy-fieri/blazys-pepperoni-studded-lasagna-recipe-1946752.amp

Total: 1 hr 35 min

Prep: 20 min

Cook: 1 hr Yield: 8 to 10 servings

Ingredients Salt 1 pound lasagna sheets 8 ounces sliced pepperoni (about 2 cups) 4 cups Tomato Sauce 1 pound ricotta 1 pound shredded mozzarella 2 pounds bulk Italian sausage, cooked ¾ cup grated Parmesan

Directions Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Boil 6 quarts of water, add a pinch of salt and cook the pasta to almost done, about 7 minutes. Remove from the water and shock in an ice bath. In a medium saucepan, add the pepperoni and saute over medium heat until crispy, about 10 minutes. Remove from the heat and drain on a paper towel. In a 10- by 14- by 3-inch baking pan or dish, pour 1 cup of the Tomato Sauce in the bottom and around the sides. Layer lasagna sheets on the bottom of the pan, overlapping by ½ inch. Add one-third of the ricotta and one-quarter of the mozzarella, sausage, pepperoni and Parmesan. Spoon 1 cup of tomato sauce over the top. Repeat this two more times. On the top sheet, finish with the remaining cup of tomato sauce, mozzarella, sausage and pepperoni and dust with Parmesan. Bake until the cheese bubbles around the edges and the top is melted and light golden brown, about 45 minutes. If baking the dish from the freezer, add 15 to 20 minutes to the cook time, or until it’s bubbly. Cover loosely with foil if it’s browning too quickly. Remove from the oven; let sit for 15 minutes. Cut and serve immediately with more sauce, if desired.

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pinkrocketimagines · 7 years

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British Puns and Greasy Hair: Part 3

(Cole Sprouse X Reader X Tom Holland)

SUMMARY : You’re off to a breathtaking island with the entire crew to shoot more segments of the show, including a kissing scene with Tom himself! Cole can’t seem to get his mind off you while Tom has you giddy everytime he’s around.

A/N : Guys! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. Thankyou for all the love :) I hope you enjoy reading this one as well <3 Do reblog it, if you feel like, idk, it’s a freeee world x

You’re in a private plane, hired by the Riverdale Productions, on your way to an Island, which Mark has refrained from naming yet, to shoot the next segments of the show.

You’re pretty excited since you’ve never really travelled this far for shooting. Your script said you would have a kissing scene with Tom today. Kissing scene with Tom Holland in an Island? Hmmm.

Everybody is on board, including Tom, Cole, Lili, KJ and Cami. You’re cuddled next to Camilla while Cole’s hooked on a certain novel he had brought along for the trip. Lili is in a deep slumber while Tom, hm, you’re not sure where that 10yr old hyperactive man has gone.

“So, Tom is pretty cute, huh?” Camila cheekily grins at you, nudging your arm.

You scoff,” What’s with that grin? You look absurd, Cami” you fire back at her.

“Oh come on! You know what I mean,”

You turn away from her, still scoffing,”I have absolutely no idea whatsoever,”

“Aw, please don’t tell me you’re still hooked on Cole!”

“Quiet! You’re so loud,” you check to see if anyone has heard her. Your eyes meet Cole’s gaze. He gives a small smile and you return the same.

“It’s too soon to tell,” you quietly murmur into Cami’s ear.

“TOO SOON? (Y/N), IT HAS-“

You immeidtaely cover Cami’s mouth before she lets another word slip through it. “Cami, you’re … nevermind. I’m taking a nap now. Not a word about it, you understand?”

“But-“

“Not a word,”

“Ugh, you’re such a bore! I’m going with KJ,”

“(Y/N),”

“(Y/N)”

(Y/N)”

Angered by the sudden interruption of your nap time before it even began, you roughly pull out your eye mask, “WHAT???”

“I’m bored,” Tom answers in a sad tone, leaning his head onto your shoulder.

He is…adorable. But annoying. Gosh, is he annoying.

“Tom, I’m trying to sleep!” you put your eye mask back on.

He quickly pulls it out again, “I’m SO bored, (Y/n). Captain said we stil have 2 more hrs to go. I swear if I-“

You sigh,” What do you want from me?”

“I was thinking we could, hmmm,” he takes out his phone,”Lets see what we have got here,”

After much deliberation, he finally blurts,” Dubmash?”

You laugh a little too loudly,”Dubmash? Are you-“

His stern look stops you from completing your question,

“Alright, alright. Dubmash it is,”

The next 30 minutes quickly went by with you and Tom laughing like mental! and making fun of each other’s horrible attempt at lip syncing.

“See? I told you this was fun,” he confidentely grins,”Is it okay if I post one on my instagram?”

“Not until you pay me $1 million dollars in cash,” you sternly answer him.

He scoffs,”Pff, I was going to post it anyway! Like I need your stupid permission,”

You roll your eyes and yawn. You’re still tired, you haven’t napped yet since Tom disturbed your precious time.

“Oh look, Zendaya says you look really-“ he pauses after noticing that you had already fallen asleep.

“Over here,” he quietly whispers as he carefully lays your head on his lap.

Stroking your hair as he watches you fall into a deep slumber, he says,”Sleep well, darling,”

You slept like a baby throughout the plane ride, until Tom finally, reluctantly, woke you up to the most beautiful island you had ever set your eyes on-The Seychelles.

Mark has really outdone himself this time.

The rest of the day seem to have gone in a blur- with the producers giving you very little time to get your stuffs settled in the hotel rooms and thereafter, directly heading for the shoot.

You and Tom had the same set location while the rest of the cast had their shoot in some other location in the island.

You’re now waiting for Tom outside his hotel room so you guys can go shoot some steamy scenes! “HURRY UP, YOU BEAUTYQUEEN!” you bang on his door, frustrated. You’re already 10 minutes late!

Finally, the door knob clicks. “Finally!” you groan,”What were you-“

You’re greeted by the sight of fresh-faced Tom Holland in a tight white vest, his muscles puffing out like crazy, and camouflage short pants. Very cooly putting his glasses on, he says,”Missed me too much, darling?”

You roll your eyes,”Pffff, you took extra minutes to put on a farmer’s outfit? Put a shirt on at the least!”

“Aw, I know you like what you see,” he starts showing off his muscles.

“You’re so-“

Out walks in Cole from his hotel room. His eyes widen at the sight of you and Tom.

“Cole, mate!!” Tom happily walks towards him.

Ah, why is Tom always, always, always excited to see everyone?

“Hey,” Cole intimidatingly shakes his hand,”Hey (Y/n),”

“Hey,” you awkwardly wave at Cole.

“I should be leaving, see you guys at the bonfire?” Cole takes his leave,”Bye Tom, Bye (Y/n)”

Ah, encounters with Cole are so awkward now. Quite sad when you think of it; there was a time when the first thing you did at the sight of Cole was run up to him and give him the biggest hug while he returned the same. But now, there’s nothing more than hollow hi’s and easy goodbyes.

Damn it, Cole.

“(Y/n)! Snap out of your reverie, we’re getting late!” Tom loudly blurts.

Ugh, you can’t believe this boy. You roll your eyes,”Look who’s talking!”

The location given to you and Tom to shoot is absolutely stunning. So much so, it has you confused whether the jitters you’re feeling is from the view itself or from the kissing scene you’re about to shoot in some few minutes. You’ve already shot half of the talking scene and you’re now sitting on the resting booth admiring the view of this spectacular island.

“Beautiful,” Tom comments.

“Indeed”

“I was talking about you, actually.”

Wait what. You shoot him an odd look.

“Just joking,” he stretches his body whilst taking in the beautiful view of the sea,”The view is beautiful,”

You roll your eyes,”Why do you always have to annoy me?”

“(Y/n), (y/n), watch this!” Tom , then, runs down the sand and pulls up the most spectacular flip.

You gasp. You swore he was going to fall flat on his face!

“I know, I know,” he proudly takes a bow.

“I didn’t even say anything,”

“I can see it in your eyes, darling.”

Again with the eye roll.

“TOM! (Y/N)!” you hear one of the crew members call.

“That’s our queue,” you get up from your chair, “Let’s go,”

“(Y/n),” Tom puts his arm around you as you walk towards the cameras. You’ve gotten quite used to him putting his arm around you, literally, everywhere you go.

“You know,” he continues,”There’s nothing to be nervous about,”

You push his arm away,”What do you mean?”

“I know it’s your first kissing scene onscreen, Cami told me”

Cami? Gosh, this girl never knows when to keep her mouth shut.

“What?” he chuckles,”Don’t be shy, c’mon”

“You are literally undoubtedly the most annoying person I’ve ever met,” you fasten your pace trying to hide the fact that you’re completely intimidated by him.

Mark instructs the kissing scene to the two of you. Since all the other scenes are done, once the camera starts rolling, basically Tom is going to kiss you until you hear the word ‘CUT!’ and that’ll be the end of it. Sounds easy, yeah?

Tom takes your hand and walk towards the specified spot. They’re still adjusting the lights. While that’s being done, you notice KJ, Cole, Lili and Cami pull out from a minivan.

Ah, so now they’re going to watch my first onscreen kiss live?

“Whenever you’re ready!” Mark shouts

“Okay,” you nervously look up at a grining Tom.

“What?” you ask him,”What’s with that grin?”

“You know,” he gently strokes your face, much to your surprise,”Your breath really stinks,(Y/n).”

“YOU EVI-“

Tom easily dismisses your protest by cupping your face and pulling you in for a deep kiss. It may have been one of the smoothest kiss ever. He was soft, he was careful, he was warm. His hands slowly move towards your waist, gently pulling you closer towards him.

You can already hear the coots and woots from Camila and KJ in the background.

“Tom,” you try to talk whilst he’s still busy kissing you.

“They alre-already said Cut,” you finally breathe out.

“Oh,” he cheekily breaks the kiss, placing his forehead against yours with the most adorable smile on his face.

“Great shot!” you hear the crew members yell.

“See you later, darling” Tom kisses your forehead before running off with KJ to do more flips.

Wow, that was actually amazing.

“(Y/n)!!!” Cami excitedly runs over to you,”What were you saying to me in the plane abo-“

Her voice faded once you met the eyes of Cole himself, staring at you with his weak greenish-blue eyes.

It’s 10pm, everybody is gathered around the bonfire, KJ is playing ‘Summer Paradise’ while Tom attempts to sing in an American accent, everybody looks like they’re having a good time. You’re cuddled next to Cami, smiling lovingly at Tom; he is , although really annoying, the most adorable person ever. The way he tries to make everyone laugh, the way everything he does is cute without him even being aware of it, the way he’s ridiculously good at everything he sets his mind on, the way-

“(Y/n),”

“Uh-huh,” you turn around to find Cole, awkwardly standing behind you.

“Can we,um, talk?”

“Are you cold?”

You’re taking a walk with Cole along the lines of the island, far away from everyone.

“Nah, I’m good” you smile politely at him.

“Here,” he places his jacket over you.

Uhm, okay.

“So, um, what did you want to talk about?”

“(Y/n)…” the sound of his voice already answered your question.

He grabs your hand and pauses the walk.

“I can’t stand it. I can’t stand seeing you with someone else. I thought I could but it’s killing me, (Y/n). You don’t understand, I-“

“You cheated on me, Cole!” you finally allow all your anger to pour out,”You knew I would’ve given up everything for your love. I loved you. With every bit of me. And you chose Lili…”

“No!” he protests,”(Y/n), I didn’t choose Lili. I never chose Lili. I don’t know what I was thinking, I’m so sorry. I’ll always be sorry. I’ll be anything. Anything you want me to be. Anything. I’ll do anything. Whatever it takes to have my (Y/n) back,” you can feel his emotions by the tone of his voice.

“Cole, I can’t-“

“(Y/n),” he cups your face,”I’m still the same guy who you liked to dance with at 2am near the refrigerator light. And I know you’re still the same girl who liked to ruin my hairstyle more than anything.”

You chuckle at the last comment.

“Please tell me you’ll think about it,” he quietly pleads.

“We should get going now. Everybody has already left,” you try to avoid his plead as you start making your way towards the hotel.

“(Y/n)?”

“Yes, Cole?”

“Will you think about it?”

“I-I- will,”

“Tom?”

On your way to your hotel room, you’re unexpectedly greeted by the sight of Tom sitting on the floor against your door.

“Goodness (Y/n), where were you?” he quickly gets up from the floor.

“Geez, Tom. I was-“

He pulls you in for a sudden hug. “Wow, I had no idea I was such a worrier. But you didn’t answer your phone, I didn’t even see you leave the bonfire, I-“

“Tom,” you look up at him lovingly,”I’m fine. I was just having a small talk with Cole,”

“Okay,” he slowly breaks the hug,

”You should go to bed now,” he says as he gently strokes the side of your face and looks deep into your eyes like you’re the ony one he sees. That’s the thing about Tom, he could just look at you, like just look, and make you feel like the most beautiful person!

“Okay,” you unlock your room. “See you tomorrow, Tom”

“Goodnight, darling.”

You stand at the side of your door as you watch him leave.

“Um, (Y/n)?” he turns back.

“Yes, Tom?”

“I don’t have to worry about anyone stealing you away from me now, do I?”

You snicker at his silly question.

“’cuz I would go bonkers trying to find someone else to annoy” he cheekily completes his statement.

“You’re an idiot, Tom. A complete nutcase,”

“Aye, but you still love me!” you hear his voice fade as he slides into his room.

This boy has no idea what he does to me.

A/N: So who would you choose? The guy you’ve been in love with for the longest time, who kind of broke your heart along the way but is adamant to mend it anyhow because he loves you so?

Or the cheeky brown-haired guy from London who makes you feel like a giddy 12year old everytime he says the word ‘darling’.

General Taglist ~ @xbobaaa @riverdrew @dandelions-inthewind @ashleyykabob @bernaboredom @thevioletmarkey @punkrockandchemicalx @acidbabytears @ceruleanjones @riverdalemami @simbatastisc @caitsymichelle13 @allthelove-marz @butterybra @margauxthemuse @tcmhollnd @desicookie @calums-band-tee @pinkglitterycactus @laa-rose @moonlight53 @oceantostars @jasmineeee85 @1022bridgetp @peachy-jordyn @prtmnstr @nano-fantasy @theweaknessstories @castellagreen @louloudeug99 @tear-in-my-heart14 @imstillinlovewithyou @flopmalum @mypotronus @hehaditcoming @jugheadjonnes

#cole sprouse #cole sprouse x reader #cole sprouse imagines #cole sprouse fanfic #cole sprouse imagine #riverdale #riverdale fanfic #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom Holland fanfic #Peter Parker #Peter Parker imagines #peter parker x reader

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geniuscloud · 7 years

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Sunrise- Jinyoung Oneshot (GOT7)

This was a request made by @insignificants0ul I hope you enjoy it!

Also I never edit my stories, but I will eventually. Excuse any mistakes.

Group: GOT7

Genre: Fluff

Paring: Jinyoung X Reader

“Baby, wake up” Jinyoung whispered softly into your ear. He shook your shoulder gently trying to wake you from your sleep.

“What time is it?”

“5:30am, the sun will be coming up soon. Do you still want to see it? it is our last day in the cottage before our vacation ends. We won’t get another chance to see it here.”

“Yeah, I’m coming. I’ll get the coffee made, can you please go set up the swing with blankets?” You smiled hanging your arms around his neck as you sat up from the bed.

“You really want to use the swing on the porch, or do you want me to set up chairs on the balcony?”

“Couch swing please, it’s more romantic.” You placed a soft kiss into his lips before he walked off to the living room with some blankets. Half asleep, you stumbled across the carpet, using your phone as a flash light to make your way to the kitchen. Jinyoung and yourself had booked a weekend away in a small cottage far away from the city, overlooking the countryside.

With GOT7 working on another album, and preparing for another tour; as well as you finally had some vacation days to use up. You two felt it was time to escape the city for a few days and just relax. It had been quite some time since you both had time alone, especially since you two had gotten engaged a few months back. That was really the last time you had more than a few days to focus on your relationship.

You poured the coffee into two matching mugs, and pushed your way through the door leading to the porch. Jinyoung sat on the porch swing, which you had been accidentally been calling a swinging couch. Jinyoung liked to tease you on your mistakes, which this was another one of them he would use to mock you; lovingly of course. He loved your relationship, and the way that you two could openly joke with each other without causing either to become upset. He admired your playfulness, as well as you sweet and nurturing personality.

Jinyoung grabbed the coffees from you and set them down, while you snuggled up under the duvet beside him. He wrapped his arms around you, kissing your exposed shoulder after your sweater had slid off a little. “Do you know how much I love you?”

“How much do you love me?”

“I love you to the moon and back” Jinyoung smiled.

You buried your head into his chest while he continued holding onto you, keeping you safe in his arms. It was silent, and the air was chilly. The smell of pine trees, and rotting earth filled the air as the seasons changed from summer, and fall started approaching. You could see your breath every time you exhaled, slowly melting the frosted dew, which has glazed over the grass, as well as the metal on the swing.

“Y/N?”

“Yes?”

“I’m glad I found you. I’ve never been this happy in my life, or more in love than I am right now. I feel like I fall more and more in love with you every day, and I hope it never stops.” Jinyoung spoke, breaking the silence. He passed your cup of coffee over to you and continued on, “You know, I have this dream about our future together.”

“Tell me” you whispered.

“I want us to live in a nice house of the outskirts of the city, with our kids and maybe even a pet. Maybe when we are older I wouldn’t be touring as much, but I can still make a good living to support us. You can continue working, or you can be a stay at home mom if you like. We’ll take turns being home and caring for the babies, and you wouldn’t ever feel like you are raising them on your own. I want to be with you every step of the way. Then we can grow old together, have dinner parties with our friends, and… Oh my God, you’ve made me soft.”

“You were always soft, you were just really good at hiding it under all your sass. I guess you can say I brought the best out in you” you laughed in response.

Jinyoung just looked at you with a smug smirk plastered on his face, “I hope we continue being this happy after we get married as well, and it’s coming up soon. How long is it until the wedding now?” “1 month and 3 days” you smiled while taking a sip. The sun had just started to rise, the rays peeking over the hills below.

“One month is too long, I want to marry you right now and start a family. God, I want to be a dad so bad.”

“Really? How many kids do you want?”

“Two or three would be a good amount. One baby at the very least. I want to spoil our children, but just enough that they know how much we love them. Not too much though, they need to be good kids.”

You put the coffee down, and stood back up. Jinyoung looked a little confused as you slid away from his grip. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong, I just… I’ll be right back. One second.” You returned a moment later with a small box and handed it to Jinyoung before sitting down with him again.

“What is this?”

“It’s your birthday present; I know it’s two weeks early but I think now would be a better time.”

He looked at you puzzled, and started pulling at the small knot. The box was small, but inside contained another small ring box. “You got me a ring for my birthday?”

“Just open it.”

He opened the ring box, hiding that the foam holder was discarded. He pulled the item out of the box, holding the pacifier by the handle. “What?”

“Happy early birthday! I got you something I knew you really wanted…”

“You’re pregnant?”

“Yeah” you smiled, tears starting to form in your ducts.

“Are you serious? You-you’re… I mean we… A baby? Really?” He choked.

“Yes, I know we weren’t really planning to yet but, surprise!”

“How far along are you?”

“3 weeks, almost four.”

“Oh my God, I’m going to be a dad. I can’t believe it!” He cheered pulling you in close, kissing your forehead.

“We’re going to be parents, and we’re getting married soon as well. Best of all is you won’t even be able to tell when we get married since you usually don’t show until you are like 3 months or so. From what I’ve read online.”

“Who cares if you show or not! You’re creating life! You’re absolutely beautiful no matter what.”

Looking into his eyes, which now had tears forming made you heart start racing. The two of you had both just shared an extremely intimate moment in your lives, and you couldn’t help but forget about your surroundings. So much love was shared between the two of you, and even though this morning had been about watching the sunrise together, it had turned into something much more beautiful. There was no number of beautiful sunrises that could match this perfect moment you two shared while the sun’s bright orange and red colors lit the sky.

“Jinyoung; you are the love of my life. I’ll fall in love with you over and over again, until the end of time.”

#got7 #got7 scenarios #got7 fanfic #got7 reactions #got7 smut #park jinyoung #jinyoung got7 #got7 jr #mark tuan #im jaebum #jackson wang #choi youngjae #bambam #yugyeom #jinyoung

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sightful-tangents · 7 years

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july 22, 2017

It’s been an interesting week.

1. I started the week in a huge funk. One of those bad brain funks, and I’ll be honest I was in one last week as well. I try and describe it as a mix of restlessness and kind of numbness, I wouldn’t necessarily call it anxiety or depression, but I just feel unhappy and desperate and kind of stuck. And homesick.

2. I try and be self-aware of my problems, and I also try and address my problems. I also kind of recognize it when I start spiralling (in which it felt as if, minus a few lapses here or there, I’d been spiralling for a couple weeks), so I try and correct it. I think I overcorrected, because when I’m in this type of funk, I kind of grasp for control. And the way I did this was to set up a goal to wakeup at 7 and start work at 8 (basically an hour earlier than my normal routine), and pack my schedule with lots of things/people (and I really try never to flake, so later-in-the-week me sometimes resent early-in-the-week me’s plans). Sometimes it’s only upon reflection that these goals I make aren’t exactly arbitrary, but maybe a bit about being in control of my body and dragging it through the week in an exhausted state because lols what is self care.

3. So like, I’m doing this morning routine where I’m exhausted, and since I’ve been so busy I haven’t done groceries and so I’ve got very little food and too much coffee, and this isn’t exactly the greatest combination. So my body kind of feels numb and tired (and I hate the numbness feeling. Hate it.) Anyways, I’m kind of curious about the fact that the way I deal with brain funks is to fuck with my body, but huh, the more you know about yourself…

4. So Monday goes by, I text dude I’d been seeing that I didn't really want to see him anymore (I know, worst) but I agree to meet up with him later that evening to talk things out because it’s definitely the right thing to do. He’s super nice and good about it, thankfully. I then Skype my best friend back home just to get a bit of semblance of home since I’m so weirdly homesick.

5. Tuesday I find out my company got this contract that I’ve been working on for over a year. It’s kind of a big deal and I was totally thrilled. I grab dinner with a university friend and we’re talking about dating (lol) and he’s like “oh I saw your online dating profile” (omg let me just kill myself now) but he was also like “I would totally date you except you’re a vegetarian” and that’s got me backtracking real quick because I do NOT want to date this guy and did not want him to get the wrong idea (sigh, my life has too many instances of guys having the wrong idea). So anyways, that’s fun, and now it makes me kind of uncomfortable since I don’t want to mislead him or anything. But, then I find out my friend had adopted a cat so I go over and visit, and the cat is absolutely adorable, guys. I’m so happy.

6. Wednesday, I get a message on the worst business social networking site (won’t name names here) but it’s from a cofounder of a company and he was reaching out to set up an intro phone call about maybe doing some consulting work, and I later chatted with him in the afternoon and it sound really promising. I’m actually really excited about it, but I know there are few more hoops to jump through before this is something that will actually happen (basically, we’ll start around 5-10 hours a week, just to trial run and see if we’re a good fit), but I really want to work with this company and I think I can do a good job. Cue all the insecurities about my actual skills though. We’re having another phone call next Wednesday to discuss rates and work and ahhh I hope it goes well. Also, I went to (or more like, invited myself to) my friend’s apartment buildling BBQ where I got a free veg burger and got to hang out with one of my fave friends. Then went and met up with a different guy I’m kind of dating (don’t you judge me) and had drinks and watched a movie and yadda.

7. I’m still waking up at 7, guys, and I am fucking exhausted when Thursday comes along. So on Thursday the weather is fucking annoying, because I’d walked to a cafe about 30 mins away from my house (considerably far) in the morning and it was beautiful but around 11 it started pouring rain (totally did NOT see it coming), and the most annoying bit is that I’m wearing Toms canvas shoes so obviously they’d get soaked. But then my boss calls me and asks to meet (I try and postpone the meeting, as well as ask him to do a phone meeting, but he insists on meeting in person) so I trek out, about 20 mins walk, and of course, shoes are soaked. BUT, hey, good news… I got a raise and we talked a lot about my role in the company. The raise is nice (and expected, as I had hoped for, since I had joked about it during the year-long contract process that if we won it, I’d want a raise). But to be honest, I’ve been looking into other jobs recently (see point number 6) and I’m kind of ready for a change, so I’m a little apprehensive of the roles my boss sees me in. I don’t know if he senses this in me as well, but he’s really nice about things and he’s always like “we’ll get you on projects that you find interesting, and make sure you’re happy” so maybe he knows I’m slightly over it lol. In the evening, I meet up with my old roommate for dinner (she asks me exactly 2 questions about myself. I’ve realized over the years how… either not good at conversation, or maybe just self-centred she is?). I go home and do laundry, and I also buy a beautiful painting I found second hand online for $30, and I am over the moon. The painting is kind of abstract-isa, but it is so “me”, totally the type of shit I love. I also have been avoiding decorating my room for nearly 2 years since I moved in (minus the postcards) since I’d assumed I’d be moving soon, but I’d put “wall art” on my Wishlist (there’s literally only 6 things on my 2017 Wishlist). I’m so, so glad I bought it though, it makes me very happy. Also, chatted with my mom and then had a nice convo with her boyfriend, who’s a senior project manager and I wanted his advice about #6. It was kind of shocking because he told me to set my hourly rate at an outrageous number (lol, thanks for having so much faith in me), but it really got me thinking and I think I will be asking for a (slightly less) outrageous number so really, we’ll see where this goes. Still excited about this opportunity, but I know I gotta do some prep work. Oh, and yes, this is a long-ass day and I’d been up since 7 (maybe running on 5 hrs sleep and too many coffees? My body is dead at this point).

8. Welcome to Friday, and another 7am start. I saw on a video somewhere about how someone had framed consulting work as a leisurely pace with a few sprints throughout the year, and it is how you handle the sprints that really shows how well you work, and fuck it man, it feels like I’ve been sprinting all week. But anyways, starting work early, and we’ve got several new projects coming in and it’s gonna get kinda cray in the future. I’d originally planned on taking my friend out for lunch for her birthday, but she was feeling sick so we ordered mcdonalds (lol, her choice, go for it). Then I had a client meeting and I had initially planned on ending my day after (around 2ish) since I was so tired, but I then had a long meeting with my boss as we’re finalizing more things (although I did get to sit in on several interesting business-y/politic-y meetings which is always fun, since my boss is quite well connected). Anyways, I’m reviewing contracts at 4pm and tired and hungry and finally go home at 5, hang my painting, and nap. Then groceries (finally??), then just crashing so early because my body is so tired and my brain is trying to handle all the different thins happening and juggle different shit in my life. And I sleep for 8.5 hours and it is glorious.

9. So, in summary, it’s been a good week I guess? In the sense that I’d gotten good and interesting news and my friend got a cat and I got a painting and the dude I’m seeing is quote-unquote “not terrible” (my gradation of guys is essentially: no, eh, okay, not terrible, fine). But I got very little sleep, drank too much coffee, am fighting a brain funk, am still homesick (but maybe a little less), I’ve got my friend’s bday party/gathering/whatever today and plans with a friend Sunday… I knew I had completely packed my calendar this week (is it because if I think I’m busy all the time I won’t have time to deal with my brain? Or do I think hanging out with friends will make me feel way better, although I know I’m an introvert at heart? Because let’s face it, vegging out on Friday night was the best fucking decision I made) so I might take it a bit more easy next week (doubtful) and a LOT of upcoming work (as always) but yeah. I don’t really know where I’m going with this. I don’t often write long-ass entries but it’s 9am on Saturday and I’m feeling much more rested than I’ve felt in a long time.

Time for breakfast.

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iknowiambecauseisaidiam · 7 years

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A Year of Change: aka How Kpop changed my life!

So I haven’t really posted on here much....ever... but I felt like it was time. Part of that is because I’ve looked back on the year I’ve had since last May and I can’t even believe everything that has happened.

Last year was my step into the real world, I graduated cosmetology school, I had loans to pay, a job to find. I spent the first 3 months terrified that I would mess up, or be told I wasn’t cut out for this. I remember being sick to my stomach every time I got a color, so terrified that I would mess it up.

Then it was announced that Got7 was going to be touring... In the US! Anyone who knows kpop knows, that that doesn’t always happen. So I saved up, and me, my sister and our friend Kelsey got ourselves ready. They had already been to a Shinee fan meet in Chicago (leaving me behind : ( because I had just started my job) But this was a concert! A concert with probably our biggest bias group!

So in July of 2016, I got to go to New York City for the very first time because of Got7! To this day I can barely believe that this is real. The boy’s put on an especially amazing show, being their amazingly goofy selfs. I ended up crying during Just Right, because it had been the song that first got me into them. We had bought tickets to both shows, My friend managed to get p1 for the first show and p2 for the second, me and my sister for p2 for both. I still can not believe how beautiful they are in real life. I still can’t believe they’re real.

After the second show, as we sat in the seats at the back of the venue, watching them break down the stage as we waited to hi-touch our boys, I thought how sad it was that it had to end. Sure we had spent two days waiting 10 hours on the sidewalks of New York city waiting for this. The second show we even had a couple people pass out from heat exhaustion before the show had started. But it had been the best three days of my life. Getting to see Time Square, getting to see an amazing concert and be with my sister and our friend. It was an absolutely amazing experience...

And it was over.

We didn’t know when we would see the boys next, or any kpop concert honestly.

I’m not ashamed to say it made me kind of sad. Really sad.

But we had our memories and our little videos of them that we could watch.

What we thought was the end was just the beginning of a crazy year.

Because in September Got7 announced a fan-meet, but no US locations were announced. The closest to us was going to be in Toronto, Canada. So, being the crazy people we were, we decided Toronto must be lovely in November, and if we’re there anyways, why not see Got7... two more times... (You might be able to see how real the addiction is at this point, we sure couldn’t)

So it November of 2016, I got to see Canada for the very first time. It was my very first time leaving the country.

We got P2 for the first show, but got the cheap seats for the second. It was kindof nice to get to sit back and watch them. It can be a bit hard to see with standing room.

The Kelsey’s (my sister and our friend) ended up being filmed by the Real Got7 crew when we were in line, and Bam Bam complimented my sister’s tattoo during the hi-touch.

While we were in Toronto be got to go to Korea town and found an amazing music store that sold a bunch of Kpop. Needless to say we left more broke then we already were.

Again, it was over. The Kpop depression was pretty real at this point. We had gotten so lucky being able to see our boys, twice within the same year, Two concerts and two fan meets. There was no way we could be any luckier.

Then BTS decided to peek it’s head into the US. December 14th of 2016 we officially had tickets to see BTS! December 17th, we sunk ourselves deeper by getting tickets to the Washington DC fan meet of Got7.

As if all that wasn’t enough, which it definitely was, Shinee announced a concert as well... the same weekend that BTS would be. And only in Texas, which was the day of the BTS concert we were attending, and in LA two days after...

But we’ll get to that in a second. first was the Got7 fan-meet in D.C.

January 21st 2016 I got to travel to D.C. for the very first time.

I still can’t believe it.

We ended up finding a restaurant named Mandu that had amazing Korean food!

Leading up to the concert I had drawn a comic panel of the boys

I had made a bunch of copies and passed out some before the concert while we were waiting in line. Until it started to pour... 10 hrs, in the rain. Well not raining the whole time, but a lot of it.

Anyway we ended up meeting some amazing girls in line. We’re still friends even now. We bonded over our love of the Got7 boys and all our other mutual groups too. They had even gotten Tickets to BTS in New Jersey too! So we exchanged Instagrams and stayed in contact.

The Fan-meet itself was amazing, Got7 definitely has a way of making every fan meet different.

At the Hi-touch, I was holding one of the comic pages as I went through the line. I don’t know if most of the boys understood it, but the line got held up a bit when I was just in front of Mark (I nearly dies XO) and he read a bit of it and said it was cool!

Also both Kelsey’s told Bam Bam he was fabulous, he asked them if that was a good thing. So be sure to tell Bam Bam he’s fabulous!

On the way home we went to a Korea town in Virginia and got some albums and ate at a bakery.

Again, another fan meet was over, the sadness of not seeing Got7 again for a while was still there, but we still had concerts on the horizon.

So like I said earlier, BTS concert was March 24 and Shinee only was going to have two shows. Dallas was out because we already had BTS tickets.

It started as a joke... Jokes are dangerous. We kept telling each other, oh we should just go to both hahahahahaha.

I didn’t expect it to happen...

So we were going to LA for Shinee, the same weekend we were going to New Jersey for BTS...

This post is not meant to brag, it’s more to reflect on this past year of events.

So on March 24th we headed to New Jersey, meet up with our D.C. friends, and spent the day waiting to see our Boys.

Oh also KENNY was sitting a couple of rows in front of us!

You can see us in his BTS vlog in the background lol.

ANYWAYS~

BTS has by far been the most emotional one for me. Yes I had cried alittle during Got7 but BTS was a trainwreck of emotions. Jimin’s solo had me alittle teary eyed, Suga’s First Love had tears coming... But as soon as Jin started Awake... WATERFALL! The girl next to me at one point asked if I was okay! I wasn’t, but I just nodded.

And just seeing the Rainbow ARMY Happen, in real life, it was so beautiful!

I pretty much had tears through half of the concert, if not more!

I was still crying after the concert!

Then we went back to our friends hotel room to relax for a bit when one of the girls came back and said she got off on the floor above us and hear BTS was staying in the room above us. Not totally sure if that’s true, but I can dream lol.

So after a couple of hours, we headed to JFK airport in New York and waited for our 7 am flight to LA.

First ever flight, First time in LA!

Luckily I slept through just about the whole flight there, since we hadn’t gotten any sleep that day.

But then we landed in LA at 10 am!

I got to see my first real Palm Tree!

We spend the first bit of the day just wandering around and went to Korean BBQ that night. We also found Music Plaza, a full Kpop store!

Needless to say, again we spent way to much money.

We had some amazing seats, we were in the balcony off to the left side. We were just before this private little balcony that was blocked off.

My friend nudged me and pointed, we could see into the balcony area and Evan and Steven from Buzzfeed were there! We might have fan girled a bit over that! Not gonna lie.

And Then Shinee!!!

They put on a ridiculously amazing show, obviously! You really can’t expect anything else from Shinee!

As the concert wrapped up, we saw the private balcony start to clear out, and we knew they’d have to go right behind us. I watched the balcony, waiting. Then I saw Steven and Evan make their way out. I turned to fast and just waved, “Hi Steven Hi Evan”

I think it took Steven a second to realize we recognized him, but Evan immediately smiled at us! (Steven did too! It just took him a second)

It was definitely such a crazy weekend, but I wouldn’t trade any of these experiences for anything.

And soon the adventures are going to continue!

July 14th of 2017 I’m going to MonstaX in New York at the same place it all started with Got7 and it makes me get butterflies just thinking of being there again.

July 27th of 2017 We’ll be seeing G-Dragon in Brooklyn, NY. New venue, new experiences!

I can’t wait for the new adventures to happen!

If you’re going to be at either of those concerts, or if you were at the concerts I mentioned, leave a comment or message. You can never have to many Kpop friends!!

If you read all this , Thank you for letting me share this adventure with you! It means a lot just to get all of this out!

Have a beautiful Day, and just go find an adventure!

Bye~

#got7 #kpop #bts #shinee #monstax #gdragon #travel #new experiences #a year in the life #a year later #got 7 #kpop changed my life

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miss-awesome0948 · 7 years

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Have a Trial Marriage with Husband, Demanding Extra Effort Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Han Yu Fan, You Can Really Be So Ruthless!

An international model, she hadn’t thought that far, she just wanted to enjoy the present…

… and let Han Yu Fan and Mo Yu Rou pay the price.

12 o’clock the next day, for a long time she waited for Han Yu Fan, who unexpectedly took her to the basement level of a restaurant. There, surprisingly enough, was a candlelit table for their lunch. Watching the red roses and candle light contrast against each other, Tang Ning quietly, with the help of Han Yu Fan, sat down at the table.

“There are some Sirloin steak for you on the table…”

Tang Ning was surprised for a moment and did not speak. Her former relationship with Han Yu Fan lasted for five years, yet he actually did not remember her preferences.

“How do you not like it?”

Tang Ning tried to speak, but a tall man dressed like a western chef suddenly came over to them and spoke, “Miss Tang, here is your favorite Filet Mignon, I, on behalf of our restaurant Delphi 1, would like to wish you newly weds an enjoyable time…”

Han Yu Fan’s smile tightened, his complexion changed, however it would be no good for him to flare up, leaving him no other choice but to bear the embarrassment. He gestured for someone to switch the meals placed in front of Tang Ning.

“Your taste changed?”

“Thank you, but we are not married!” Tang Ning did not care about Han Yu Fan, she only looked at the chef standing in front of her and explained, “If you really are being considerate of me, then please remember it.”

The chef politely left, and then Tang Ning turned back to Han Yu Fan.

“Next time I will remember… anything my wife loves to eat!” Han Yu Fan seemingly said to himself.

“Let’s just eat quickly, then you can give me the speech script!” Tang Ning, in her heart, sneered at him, although her outside face was still calm as always.

Suddenly though… she received a message entitled 0819, when she opened the content, she found that it was Mo Ting who sent it.

The meaning of 0819, that is, the date that they married.

“I had my men send you some steak, my chef sincerely wanted to express good wishes.”

Tang Ning felt the urge to laugh out loud, although she didn’t in the end. Glancing at her phone underneath the table, she messaged back, “how do you know where I am?”

“If you want to know, try and figure it out,” Mo Ting calmly sent back this sentence.

Tang Ning held her phone in one hand and looked all over the restaurant, but she didn’t see Mo Ting. Although she didn’t know how Mo Ting could send her a message so close to her, Tang Ning still felt that he… in the presence of someone who was like an emperor, said person could not be ignored, nor could they be refused.

“Tang Ning, what are you looking at?” Han Yu Fan reached out and interrupted her line of sight, his maroon eyes full of questions.

“Nothing…” Tang Ning shook her head, and, in a moment, smoothly changed the topic.

“When are we having the re-registration of our marriage?”

“As soon as this affair passes. As you now, Mo Yu Rou is in the top selection for the top ten models, it is a good opportunity for her to rise. Fortunately, Tang Ning, you are there for her, otherwise, she would be slandered!” Han Yu Fan poured red wine for Tang Ning, even toasting her.

“I will then take double of what you owe,” Tang Ning smiled gently and beautifully, her shallow dimples showing, making her look even more lucid and elegant than ever.1

But even though he was in front of her, it was as though Han Yu Fan could not register it in his head, his nerves already being worn out by Mo Yu Rou often using him as a pillow and endlessly chattering to him. He did not pay attention to Tang Ning’s words.

“Tang Ning, you’ve been suffering…” Tang Ning knew that this was him giving her her pot with sweetness in it, before poison infiltrated it.

“Yes, after the press conference, you should contact Sister Long, as it seems, that the only way to deal with her kind of people, is to take legal means.”

“Alright,” Tang Ning said sweetly, thinking, wanting to change Sister Long’s mind, that was impossible!

2:30 P.M., in the hall of Day Arts Entertainment, everyone in the fashion media was assembled. They were all quite interested in Tang Ning’s public statement.

Because, whether it was for when she suddenly retired in the past, or when she signed with Day Arts, or for the affair with Mo Yu Rou, after Tang Ning retired, she stayed low-key, making it exceedingly hard to find black material on her.

At 3 P.M., Tang Ning appeared, dressed neatly in muted colors, a bodyguard accompanying her. She walked up the stage, and turning elegantly to face the media, she began to speak, sending the reporters into a frenzy.

“Tang Ning, your name is being searched up fervently on the internet, did you do this or not as advertisement?”

“Tang Ning, you and Mo Yu Rou are both models of Day Arts Entertainment, however in the past months only Mo Yu Rou has been active in the industry, is it or is it not true that you have been secretly harboring hatred towards her fame?”

“Tang Ning, was this done to hype your name or not?”

In the face of the chaotic scene, the company team blocked the reporters, in order to keep the order and let Tang Ning speak.

“First of all, I would like to apologize to the public, because I personally caused damage to the company’s reputation, as well as Mo Yu Rou to the outside world, for merely a bit of my speculation. HF crown star’s catwalk was my own idea, without the knowledge of the company and other parties. Miss Yu Rou’s unauthorized appearance, all this with my company they had nothing to do with it.”

“I did do this… to hype myself up. But my agent knew nothing, she just felt that I was being used at the time, I will also take all responsibility, thank you everyone who supervised me, thank you.”

Tang Ning’s words fell, and there was instantly an uproar in the audience. Reporters were restless, because there had been no artists in the past like Tang Ning, who, with her neat appearance, would admit their own mistake. Others were anxious to write it off, emphasize her innocence in the whole matter, believing it so that Tang Ning did this due to so much guilt, and that Mo Yu Rou and the company really had no knowledge of the matter.

Tang Ning then thought that it was over, but she did not think that Han Yu Fan would make to move to fully put on her back the blame of the situation. Han Yu Fan let the artist director deliberately go over to her side, and, facing the media reporters, say, “this is not the first time, but… I and the company, we’re willing to give you one last chance, Tang Ning, hopefully you have learned your lesson, be a proper model.”

Not for the first time indeed, they wanted her to use it to overthrow Sister Long’s statement, and accuse her of using Mo Yu Rou’s show as hype for herself.

Han Yu Fan, you could really be so ruthless!

Tang Ning did not speak, but deeply bowed to the media, and then under the protection of the team, left the hall…

This time, on the internet, they all began to condemn her again, but after all, Tang Ning was quite intuitive, the public could only see the surface. They treated the whole affair as a joke.2

In another place, Mo Ting finished a meeting, and hearing about the event, turned his head and looked at his assistant who whispered about Tang Ning’s conference event.

“President, what do you want to do with miss Tang?”

“No need for the time being, soon we’ll see her response,” Mo Ting replied. As he had already been persuaded by Tang Ning, he was only now curious of what she was going to do to the two. With this, he would also further see her true capabilities. His wife could truly plan out schemes that could knock someone down their pedestal.

--!--!--!--

ahahahah, so this may have been posted a few hours on a Saturday morning... I’m sorry QAQ

I can’t actually translate for a while, final exams are coming up next week, and apparently we’ve got a play going on for Love’s Labour’s Lost on Thursday, so there’s a lot to do with school next week. I’m sorry! It seems like there’ll be no updates next week and until after school eases up.

On another hand, I wonder why Tang Ning went along with Han Yu Fan’s plan at the press conference. Hopefully she’ll get her revenge soon.

我会让你加倍还回来的 (I'm really sorry I'm only kinda half-sure about this.) ↩︎ ↩︎

一时之间，网络上骂声一片，毕竟唐宁是最直观的承认，大众很容易看到表面的东西，愤怒不已，甚至于海瑞内部，都把这件事当做笑柄讨论。(Even more so at this one like I stared at the monitor and gave up for a while before resuming, ahahaha.... It's close to the meaning though, that's for sure.) ↩︎

#Have A Trial Marriage With Husband Demanding Extra Effort #novel translation

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thisispsychogirl · 4 years

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I’m tired.

So very tired.

I work for a company that doesn’t appreciate me doing a job I never wanted to do in the first place. It was my major but nit the branch I wanted to focus on but when you’ve just graduated college, a job in your field is a job in your field.

I’ve been working there for 4 years and they’ve done so many illegal things. Giving people jobs without posting them, rescinding job offers that were accepted but then offering them a lower hiring start rate.

I can’t stand this company.

I’ve been trying to leave for 2 years. Coming up on my 4 year anniversary in a little while.

I’ve changed my resume a million times.

No interview offers yet. Not a single one.

There was a company that wanted more information, but it didn’t go anywhere.

I want to leave my hometown.

I have bills that I can barely pay because my job for not pay me well. I’ve done my market research. I should be making at the very least an additional 10k doing what I do with my skills and experience.

I feel so unwanted. And so stuck. I keep telling my Bf to get a job in one of the cities I could easily find work in that way I can move there and have quicker access to job opportunities. He doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life. So he’s staying at his job that he loves.

He finally has friends, good friends. Good influence on him. He gets paid almost twice as much as me and never even finished college. Maybe I’m feeling a little resentful - I do have two degrees and I’m not even making 40k a year. Plus he loves his coworkers and his boss. I’ve doesn’t want to stay here forever, but in my field, the longer I wait to get into it, the harder it becomes to be successful.

I have a small business that I run. And I’m right now I’m running into the ground because my full time job takes away so much of my energy. Like a dementor sucking the soul from my lips.

I used to come into work on time. Only 5 minutes late. Now I struggle to leave before my shift technically starts. I get such a bad feeling going into that building. Another day of getting taken advantage of by an evil company that’s made a lot of negative press.

It’s quarantine time now. I get to work from home. Something that my job has always told me was impossible in my position. They made it happen in 5 minutes. I struggle to even get through the day. At first it was fine, but then they added even more work on top of what I’m already doing.

I had my review in March. My boss says to keep up the good work. Just gotta go a little faster. I was supposed to get a raise that took effect in April. It’s May. I understand the cut backs from COVID-19 - but I still feel like I should have gotten my raise. I know at least one of my other coworkers did, along with a shiny new title.

Yeah he got promoted. Which is great for him. Doesn’t actually mean much other than the raise and the title. I’ve been trying to get a promotion for 3 years. Usually the same roll but I always lose to either other men at the company or outsiders.

I want to cry right now. I’m in the middle of my shift - yeah I know not great but I need to pour this out before the tears come.

I’m the only girl on my team besides my boss. I am one of the only people of color that works in the whole company.

I’m so tired of trying so hard for this company.

Everyday I wake up wanting to quit. Each night I lay awake, unable to sleep, knowing that when the alarm goes off, it’s another day at the office.i was such a hard working employee until about last spring. Almost exactly a year ago actually.

Two new hires right out of college. I was supposed to train them. I trained everyone except for one guy on my team. I’m the second most senior staff. They were hired on at 40k - and I had gotten a little raise to 36k. Oh but when I found out (one of them was my friend and I asked with complete honesty of my intentions), that’s when it took HR a week to straighten it out, call them up and recind their offer and only offer them 35k. They said it was a paperwork error. I know it wasn’t. I know who has to sign what in order to make that call.

The first time I tried to get a promotion, I trained for the positio and was almost fully qualified. It was great. I was in year in and really moving through the company. Then when the position “opened,” and by that I mean the woman who trained me switched positions herself in the company and I was the only person in the running and she was recommending me, her former boss said that someone else was given, yes given, the position. He knew I had been training for this job and coming in every day just for it. Everyone knew. But he was just given this position and I was left in the dust. There was no job posting, no interview process. It’s just what her former boss though “made the most sense.”

Ouch.

I’m dying inside. I’m a creative who is boxed in. I’m trying to claw my way out, but the world seems so against me.

Every time I submit a job application I stop and think- will they not accept me because I’m a woman? Because I’m black? Is my name too black sounding? Or am I actually not good enough?

Very few of the applications I have put in give me an email back saying I wasn’t selected. At least then I knew. I knew not to hold out any hope on what seemed to be the perfect position.

I’m in a relatively smaller town. Not small, there is a lot major university here. However, not many people have actually heard of our twin name. Are these big city companies afraid to hire a “small-town-girl” like me?

I crave diversity. I crave the fast-paced environment. Every time I go there, I feel at home. Comfortable. I come back to my apartment and I’m sad. It doesn’t feel like home. It feels like a long-term AirBnB.

I’m so tired. I started crying while writing this. I’m not usually allons in my apartment so I don’t really get to cry when I need to.

I don’t want to work here anymore. All my friends that have left this place praise about how much better their new jobs and situations are. Their jobs have their ups and downs, but it’s nothing like what whatever hell this place is. Everyone who leaves here is happier, full of life, energy, and genuine smiles. I miss that.

I miss the days where I was just so excited to get back to work. So excited to get in and use my creativity to solve my work problems and “save the world.”

I miss getting off work and going to the gym because I was noticed and still had energy to burn. Now about 2 hours into my shift I pray to whatever diety may be listening and beg them for a miracle. And I’m not a religious gal.

I don’t learn a lot of stuff at my job. There really is t time anyway. I dont really grow there. There is no up for me. I’ve tried. 3 times.

I don’t have passion to do my best. Hell im writing this raw fucker on the clock. I don’t take creaks anyway so I guess this counts?

Oh we used to have 60 minutes breaks, they reduced that to 30. Now I can’t have lunch with my dad anymore. But that’s a me problem.

Everyday I “joke” with my boyfriend, “what if I quit?” “What I’d if they fire me? How exciting would that be?”

Why can’t I seem to even land an interview. My former boss (management switched halfway through my career here - 2 years ago almost) told me in a joy to interview and I would do well at any company that I applied to. She said she’d write an outstanding recommendation letter for me. So there is that.

A former employee friend of mine was laid off into her contract. (She has ground to sue but is not). She told me how two faced her side of the company is. How they are so controlling over the women and the men can do no wrong.

That’s exactly it.

This company is not a place for women unless you’re a back-stabbing, two-faced cunt. If you aren’t willing to put other women down (that’s the only real requirement for any female hire-ups/management) then you stay at the bottom or get the boot. Or if you still have any sanity and a prayer, quit.

I’m so upset. Most of the time it seems.

I know the world is an unfair place naturally. I know that the world doesn’t revolve around me.

I’d like yo think that one day I can make the world a better place and that I will be successful in my field.

I’d like to think that someday, I’ll have a job that doesn’t make me think about suicidal thoughts because I’m trapped and I can’t get out.

Now the job market is gonna be even tougher.

I feel trapped in my job and in my own apartment (I have a roommate and live with my boyfriend).

My Bf says it’s all gonna be better someday. When is someday? I’d like to leave my hometown, not live behind my high school, and finally have a job that lot only appreciates me, but also insipires me to be my best.

I’m afraid to ask my male coworkers if they all got raises this year. If they all did and I didn’t, I’m afraid I’d quit immediately. I’m not dealing with this bullshit again. Not worth it. But that’s not the best financial desciok right now.

Why the hell am I not good enough for these companies? I’m one the best on my team. Even on my worst days, I produce quality work.

Why can’t I get out of this cage?

#i know why the caged bird sings #i dont feel like me #i died and went to hell #life

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actually--olivia · 4 years

Text

18 January 2020

Day eight: more like day GR-EIGHT

Thea,

I am proud to say that I am NOT capitalism's bitch anymore! We had a bit of a wild morning. We were scheduled to meet for "class" at 9 am today, but at 8:50, Dr. K came in and told us some fun news. There's a dive shop/community that hosts reef cleaning events, so we were given the option of exploring the local gift shops (most of which are owned by a cruise company, but that's delving into a whole other injustice for the reef), or diving for trash. I will say, the thought of a free morning was very tempting, but I ultimately sided with jumping into the harbor so salty, that when drying off, visible chunks of salt were left atop my skin.

Why did I have to question whether I'd go? I was the only one from my house that tagged along, so there was some obvious "oh shit, is it ok if I indulge myself in some rest?" vs. "I have an obligation to my home. And this is my home."

We arrived early, and there were around 100 divers, ready to volunteer their morning to sorting out issues that are overlooked by those who use the island as a resource. I was talking to the lady running the event (and so help me, all I could hear was, "interview her and run it in the Observer!"), and she told me the dive community hosts maaaany regular clean-ups: the large one we went to today was their Quarterly clean-up (every 3 months, and it's typically off the piers where cruise ships dock [remind me to tell you the TEA about cruises!!]) ; every member will do a weekly clean-up of their home reefs (off of their own house); every other week they host a "community" clean-up for larger beaches, where there's usually about 20-30 divers.

Next to these large organizations, I feel so insignificant a factor in the fight for ecological justice. I don't know how I am to fight against those who only see value in what can be sold. I have a while to figure that one out.

After the clean-up, we were watching the volunteers sort through the trash, piling beer bottles into one recycling bin, corroded metals in another. There was something peculiar happening on the edge of the water, however. There was a man with a huge hollow tube, emptying the water from it. He then proceeded to pour (roughly) 15 lionfish onto the cement, pick one up, and began cleaning (gutting) the fish into the ocean. I must say, I've never seen someone so fearless or so efficient. He spoke mainly swedish, and with the help of the lady standing next to him, we had a good chat. Lionfish are an invasive species in the pacific, and they have no natural predators. He explained that after 15 years or so, there's one or two native fish who are beginning to hunt them. Because they're invasive, there's no regulation on fishing them, so he's been fishing lionfish since 2009, when the crisis went very public. He was a cool guy, with many stories to share, I wish we had the time to sit down for a bit longer.

I just want to learn from finding people who intrigue me and asking questions, and just exploring how it is they do what they do. People are so fascinating.

In the afternoon, we snorkeled off a beach composed of the softed sand on the island. Most of the beaches are chunky pieces of shells and have large pieces of coral washed up. This reef was the healthiest we've seen so far (and probably at all). There was an article published in 2011 about how the reefs of Bonaire were the last "healthy" reefs anywhere in the Caribbean; from what I've seen, there are no healthy reefs left here. There's a coral genus called Acropora, and the two most abundant in that category are critically endangered. On any given shoreline, there are chunks of washed-up staghorn and elkhorn coral, which has caused major shifts in the three-dimensionality of most of the reefs. White band is a disease that has devastated the reefs and almost completely eliminated its natural presence. I saw some today! Staghorn, to be exact. We saw the damage the disease had done throughout the week, but we were finally able to see the beauty which it has destroyed. They were growing through graveyards of its fallen relatives: piles and piles of bleached corals. Hopefully there's something inspirational to be said about overcoming what has broken down hundreds of ecosystems before.

This is my water for the day. I like to think that one day the river will slow and I'll learn to channel what it brings me. For now, all I have is my leaky boat to see what I can keep; however, I just wrote in my last email about learning to understand that there is beauty in what cannot be contained. Perhaps this is our uncontained beauty. We can strive to retain it all, but there will always be knowledge to seek, and knowledge forgotten.

I miss you, Thea.

yours,

olivia

(PS: hello this is wholesome again, could you possibly/maybe/definitely send me your Tshirt size just for funsies I just want to know for future reference there may or may not be birds involved, thank you in advance)

(PPS: You should definitely tell me so I can find something I can pull over your head before my hands slide down your body and my mouth follows their path)

——————————

Day eight: joie de vivre

Captains log:

Seven days until I can hold an Angel

Fun fact: Did you know that Spanish moss is called that because native peoples thought it looked like the hair of Spanish conquistadores’ beards?

This morning, I was privy to the conversations of the Tickfaw State Park’s canopy. I walked with the birds and observed the transient hours between night and day. I heard one avian neighborhood wake up as another drifted into the quiet hours.

Waiting to receive my destiny

Maybe this is it, that this shall be my life: to protect and know and serve these communities with all I have, for as long as I shall live. Although I am new to this area, we are not strangers. I have known these organisms with all the intimacy of textbooks and nature documentaries. We are mine, and I am theirs.

Robin Wall Kimmerer says that naming is the first step to justice. When I learn these species’ names, I feel like I am closer to who I’m supposed to be. And like I’ve made a new friend in the process.

To be surrounded by the presence of __ trees on all sides — that is holy and right. The peace I’m experiencing here that tempers my small fear of the unknown is unlike any I’ve known before aside from the circle of your arms.

I gave everyone nicknames by campfire last night, and I’m hoping they stick: Po’Boy, Bubba, Scout, Mudbug, Old Man River, Swamp King, Papí Tierra, Smokey, Chaps, Yessir, Big Ben, Ducky, Daddy Longlegs, Oregano, and Noodle. I’m Giggles. I think I would name you Ma Cherie.

Here’s a list of all the species I heard and/or saw today: palmetto, slash pine, gum cypress, barred owl, great horned owl, northern cardinal, swamp chestnut oak, duckweed, black willow, button brush, possum haw, hyacinth, salvania, Spanish moss, cormorant, great blue heron, great egret, penny wort, nut grass, October daisies, myrtle, and red-winged black bird!

Look at me, baby! Louisiana’s makin me a birder.

Some more movin pictures:

Captain Kim crackin jokes and tellin hunting stories and demonstrating four different osprey calls in a boat with thick nylon netting all around the bow to minimize the deadly risk of jumping Asian carp, which can get up to 50 lb. He’s grizzly and real sour about the “son of a guns” who fuck around the bayous (which means “little river” in Choctaw): doin highly illegal shit, leaving their plastic duck ponds, shooting gators and leavin ‘em to rot in the water. But it’s clear he really loves this place. After 17 years in army aviation, his home is the Atchafalaya with his 90 year old father and son, all of whom are boat captains. He’s also a Taurus!

Watching the carpet of nut grass and penny wort and hyacinth in Bayou Filip sway under the wake of our boat and seeing your face in the wonder of every petal the light touched

Treading softly on the earth of Whitney Plantation — the only plantation in Louisiana that focuses on the enslaved rather than the slave owners — after our tour guide said, “We don’t know where enslaved people are buried, so please have respect for the grounds.”

Stopping at Dollar General after our plantation tour and getting strawberry ice cream on a stick because yes we all ate our feelings

Listening to the St. James Infirmary Blues and cutting my eyes across the yellow ruderals popping up from the highway medians, which Louisiana folks call “neutral zones”

We walked the land that enslaved people were forced to serve and I have not completely come to terms with how I’m feeling yet.

It is just... land. I found myself shocked to recognize small white waters and rose bushes peeking up from the soul. There are nests in the myrtle trees and flocks of red-winged blackbirds making songs above slave quarters. There is the same sawgrass I touched in the Everglades growing next to thick tracts of sugar cane. I expected the land to bear some sort of brand: a scar that marked this place as the site of great suffering — great evil.

But the grass grows over all of us in the end. And maybe none shall know that we were ever there: what tragedies became of us, what victories we celebrated...

This land is flesh. This land is body. This land is struggle as much as it is earth. Our tour guide, Henrietta, can trace her ancestry back to a grandfather who sharecropped the land in the ‘70s (not nearly so long ago) and a white great-grandfather who was ostracized by his community for marrying a black woman. when she gives tours, she visits the quarters of her family.

There is still pain here and in the heart of this country, which tries to forget at all times its foundation of fear in order to escape reparation and personal responsibility.

We go to the Louisiana University Marine Consortium (LUMCON) research center tomorrow, and I am keen to have a day of rest (if you can call kayaking after a 3 hr car trip “rest”) after all this time. It feels like we’ve been here for months already.

I’ll see you soon, baby. Tell the coral I say, “hiiiii!”

Your girl,

P.S. (NSFW - like,,, filthy)

I could go stupid thinking about the slickness between your thighs, the smooth parting of them after I wrest the roughness of your jeans from you. I swear I have been struck dumb by the thought of cupping the front of those jeans while I mouth at your shoulder, lest you forget that everything beneath my hand is mine. I crave the snag of your panties underneath my teeth and the grasp of your fingers in my hair as I adore you from the inside. But most of all, I long to identify the meaning of each whimper, each moan, each “please” and hope that you’re ready to learn how to beg.

P.P.S.

I’m a medium or a large :) What is YOUR t-shirt size?

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topicprinter · 5 years

Link

good evening fellow redditers!tks in advance for reading the following tale and for any advice you may have! buckle up, its a long one (although hopefully our collective wisdom can come up with a few lesson to help others).---So, 2.5years ago i joined a startup active in the autonomous robotics field, focused in increasing efficiency in renewable energy maintenance and ops. Clearly, a very specific niche, completely b2b and whose clients are ultimately rather large organizations - but in a very "exciting" and "upcoming" tech space blending hardware/software, iot, etc...The company actually began 4 years ago by a friend of mine who was solo founder, but backed by a public-private investment firm that only funds renewable-related startups - (apparently this made valuation go from 0 to 1M kind of "magically", before any prototype or really, any actual product work was started. clap-clap?).As the entrepeneur in this case had a science background (i myself am a business major and have worked in different countries, for organizations of different sizes, and had my own business in the past) we actually spoke at length during the process he went through setting up the business, getting his first coupe engineers, and actually having an MVP. When he needed to create a board of directors, he asked me to join, as his "delegated" director (4 members, founder has casting vote).At that moment, the company started getting its first enquiries from potential clients, and since they could finally afford paying a salary, i was invited to "officially" join the pre-client, pre-revenue startup as their "COO" (LOL, i know! :D wtf does that mean anyway!?).The actual job was to ensure all the daily operations of the business run smoothly. This meant creating and maintaining systems from acc/fin to HR admin/hiring to marketing to ops, and I even helped in the tech/IT admin side as I find that calming! :) I thought "hell, why not? these guys may actually be on to something but they clearly dont know a lot abt running a business, and i know i can help" - so i said yes, even though pay was shit (literally minimum wage!!!) and NO EQUITY WAS OFFERED AT THE TIME (the usual "lets talk about it latter" scenario... i think you may know where this is going now! :D)After i joined the company (sept 2016), we won a few awards and grants, from applications/submissions i wrote (and stellar pitches given by the founder/ceo!!), got our first client (i went to a different continent to deliver the 20k usd kit to equip the client's robots and link up to our software, then did it again last xmas when his operation doubled in size) and hired a few more engineers. Tech wise, we're still using 2 year old version in "production" - suffice to say shit runs on ubuntu 14!!! theres only 3 engineers fulltime, all above average, but only 1 (!!!) is actually a computer scientist, the other are engineers who code... but the product does work, we've served over 1000 "units" of it, and feedback from industry has been pretty great (although its clearly still seen as a "nice to have" and not a "must have" kind of solution)Fast forward to 2019 and the company is kind of stuttering even though we had our best year last year in revenue (100k,,, :/) and have actually signed up two new clients in Q1 - but the industry is moving fast, our CEO spent most of last year depressing about a failed fundraising round, then on a "startup accelerator" program abroad to "recover his mojo",,, and finally the competition has MUUUUCH deeper pockets (couple of companies,, have raised dozens of millions from vc and work with some of the same enterprise clients we have). Basically he spends most of his time selling, as he should, but unfortunately most of it is spent selling chunks of his company, rather than his companies products/services. In the meantime, I've actually been crazy busy building his business, haven't taken a proper holiday since I joined (literally, 4 days off in 2.5 years!!) and never felt this close to burnout (but im a horse,,, and can handle it "well"-ish. just gimme my caffeine!)"Fortunately", there finally seems to be a new investor in the picture, and a binding TS has been signed for a 1M round at aprox 4M valuation. (YAY??). Now here's where the fun stars,, right? Well, in truth, the 4x members of the core team, myself included (but excluding the CEO and current 66% (!!) owner) have been feeling increasingly uneasy with the "overworked and underpaid, but too busy to talk about equity" routine and have started to care less and less - at least, i see clear signs of this in the team. I've brought it up with the CEO and he seems to think that its "my opinion" and that "the team is fine"... so, after much talking and little doing over the years (everyone is always "so busy",,,,) CEO finally found sometime to prepare a 7 slide presentation that concluded with a table that was borderline funny, if it wasn't so tragic!!He listed our 4 names in the columns (myself, and the 3 engineers, which he now deems the "core employees", and the rows were: "percentage of my equity", "money value of that equity" and "cash bonus". The percentages was around 4% each,, then he had the nerve of multiplying that by the valuation of the upcoming round (!!!) and presenting us a dollar value in the hundreds of thousands... the cash bonus row on the other hand read "8 thousand". The "cherry" on the cake? 50% of the shares on offer were actual shares, from his stash... the other 50% were actually to come out from a "to-be-created-eventually" esop, WITH TWO YEAR VESTING!! :D:D:D:D:D:DNaturally, I left that meeting and went on a two-week "vacation" immediately.Which brings us to the present day. I came back from holidays, all is "business as usual" he keeps saying that "end of next month" the deal should close (and paperwork signed,, making us 4 "official shareholders", and "getting a Mill in the bank", while "maintaining control" (barely,, like 50.01% counting with us 4). We are about to start another season of field operations, meaning ill be out of the office most of the time actually "bringing home the bacon", while him and the engineers keep "daydreaming" next-version-features back in the office.Ok, now, all bitterness aside (hard, yes, but i think I can do it), i actually think this is mostly just the work of an unseasoned and naive entrepreneur, who CLEARLY, has never done, nor thought abt any of this before (before going on holiday, i told him to read "hard thing about hard things", which he actually did for once - first business book he has completed in years!!! likes to say hes a "slow reader"!!!) - and NOT the work of some evil genius visionary. The team is almost as "oblivious", none of the engineers ever heard or really understood what an esop even is!! (ye, have i mentioned we're a loooooooooong way from silicon valley here?)Which brings me to my options:A) "fuckit!" you know how Jared from Silicon Valley always has his resignation letter ready to hand in!?! :D well, I've been carrying one in my pocket for the two weeks I've been back. Just need to date and sign it and done! but there goes the 1%, give or take, of common stock i'd end up owning after this round. Then go start/join new projects in completely different industries, etc.. (is the ICO craze still going on!?!?! :D)B) "take a job with the competition" Im pretty sure I can walk into a job with one the leading competitors, at the middle-management level. funny thing is that job would pay me around 5x what i take home today as "COO" :D However, that would get me back to working for "the man", which is exactly what I thought I was "escaping" from when I joined this startup! :PC) "show him how its done!" Not being one that likes to admit defeat, I thought if there are any "checkmate" moves available to me. Here's what I came up with.. (warning: the following is VERY Machiavellian! :D) Remember how I said the whole team is pretty inexperience? well, turns out neither the company name, nor the main brand that the company uses was ever registered neither in the US, nor in the EU, only in home country. I can incorporate a delaware company using the name of his company (but that name is then "taken" for business, as a japanese company owns that trademark), then register the trademark of his company's product name (which is available also for incorporation), then buy a bunch of related domains and URLs - perhaps even file a utility patent, just for that "patent pending" stamp :P. Then I could either turn around to his company's competition and offer this corporation (effectively blocking his entry into US market without a major rebranding/marketing/legal costs) or offer it back to his company - for the 10% total ownership he should have offered me in the first place!! (im cheap, i know! ;)D) ... you tell me... how do i keep my dignity, not to mention my motivation, to stick with this prototype of a company when clearly, the owner is looking for employees and staff,,, not co-owners and partners?et pour la piece du resistance*,*the CEO and I are high school friends, have been in each others lives for decades, and very much enjoy each other's company outside the professional setting. I actually "miss" just hanging out, as you can imagine this whole mess has put quite the strain of the friendship. There's a saying in a funny language,, that translates to smtg like "you can lose the friend, but you can't miss the joke". Ideally, I'd like to keep the friend, but the joke DEFINITELY won't be on me...ok,, you did it! thanks for reaching ::: THE END ::: go get a cookie before you get busy replying! you deserve it!! :DHave a great weekend!---TL,DR? hmmm founder of startup i helped build to 100k revenue over last 2.5 years offered me less than 1/5 of the amount ive put in sweat,, a.k.a abt 0.5% at NEXTs rounds valuation

#/r/startups #reddit

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talldarknsexy · 5 years

Text

Sudan: Cycling the Sahara

Crossing the border to Sudan was a huge relief. Everything was even less developed. And I waited in the immigration building with the one other tourist and the squeaking fan rotating slowly overhead. Susan's ATMs do not connect with the outside world and so, the only option is to bring hard currency in US dollars. Not having Sudanese pounds yet, and having to pay a registration fee, the government official had his friend lead me to the black market money changer in order to get 50:1 as opposed to the 25:1 that the banks offer as it is an artificially controlled currency. I rode into Sudan and was able to breathe so much easier. Ethiopia has about 100 million people as opposed to Sudan's 13 million (in a larger land mass.) At the first roadside opportunity, I pulled over and had some goat meat at a local restaurant. After about 20 minutes, I'd realized that there was no crowd around me, no beggars, and no children staring at me. It was serene. For about 2 hours I laid there on one of their benches. I was listening to a podcast on my phone pressed against my ear when I noticed people started to take notice and act unusual. Eventually, an English speaker, probably police came up and asked me "Camera?!" It took me a minute to understand what he was asking and convinced him no, I wasn't filming, just listening to audio and he was appeased. But nonetheless, I realized there was an oppressive backwards reason why I felt so free here. Anyways, I set off and getting into sunset was eagerly looking for a place to camp. In the distance I spotted something unusual. I couldn't tell if it was a cycletourist, two motorcycles, or a fucking donkey and a wheelbarrow. Anyways, it turned out to be Alex and Merlin, two British lads on a tandem whom I'd been following on their journey, training local medical workers on optical medical devices. This was their first long bike trip. They flagged down a truck for water and we camped in the bush off the road. I had a few days riding to the capital of Khartoum. Lots of desert, but in the south there's plenty more agriculture. The Sudanese are incredible friendly and helpful. They'll invite you for tea and meals and won't let you pay. And if here, unlike much of Africa, you're in need of something like directions or advice, they'll actually help you without looking for something in return. Because of a collapsing currency, everything was also incredibly cheap. Meals were usually 50-60c though we're typically just bean paste and flatbread. Petrol is cheaper than bottled water and costs something like 50c/gallon (12c/L) And a hotel could be something like $3-$5. In Wad Madani I paid $6 and had a suite with king sized bed, air con, refrigerator, and kitchen. In Khartoum, I reached the youth hostel and to camp there was $1. I Had a few days to kill and so went to the pool, changed more dollars, and visited Ahmed, a Syrian guy I'd met a few days prior. I got a taxi to his town and met up with his friends. Some were Sudanese, but most were Syrian or Yemenite. Sudan has since welcomed refugees from various crises. We had dinner, went to a shisha bar, and chatted, largely through google translate voice. They were good fun and very generous hosts. It got late though and they wouldn't let me take a taxi back so I crashed at their place. It was fairly basic and I'm used to that, but on my own terms and with a mosquito net or tent, neither of which I had. They'd all gotten malaria at least once, so I didn't get much sleep. Up all night in a room with 5 other guys, I realized I was having a sober sleepover with 5 ~25 yr old (presumable) virgins. Something I hadn't experienced in probably 15 years. Gracious for their generosity and friendship, but realizing maybe it was time to start thinking past Sudan. Indeed, even bringing up the idea of girls or women to guys here sent them into giggles. But the more mature ones like to ask you if you fancy Sudanese woman. I have no fucking idea I tell them... I've never seen more than their eyes, let alone talked to one! On Friday in Kharthoum I went to see the Sufi dancers. It's a tradition that has been going on for centuries influenced by the Ottoman Empire, but with its own distinct Sudanese practices. The Sufis burn frankincense, sing, chant, dance, and some will spin on axis until they fall down in order to achieve a vertigo of feeling closer to God. As this is a popular tourist attraction, it attracted all the tourists in Khartoum. About 15 to be exact... It was high season after all. Some I'd met there lived there for work though, and to get back to the city I shared a taxi with 3 Scandinavian embassy workers. It was interesting to hear some very informed intelligent outside, but inside perspectives on the Sudanese Government as well as those of surrounding countries. Also, them being embassy employees, had a stash of contraband alcohol. We brought some pizza up to their rooftop and I ate and sipped champagne with tall, attractive, whiter-than-white, Scandinavian folks. A bizarre, albeit enjoyable experience that was highly unexpected. On the walk back I met three American cyclists just on the street. It was probably 10pm, but they were headed to camp at the same hostel. They'd gotten Sudanese visas at home and it had cost them almost $250 as opposed to the $70 I'd paid. The next day I set off as I was looking to meet up with Will and Wendy, an older cyclist couple of rode with briefly in East Africa. I was now entering the Bayuda desert. A very desolate section of the Sahara that strays from the Nile. Here things were a bit more remote and I carried quite a bit more water and food. Some stretches were flat, hot, and unstimulating. Others passed through varied terrain with desert scrub or picturesque dunes. I'd listen to music or podcasts, but frankly after a few days, the Bayuda was quite mind numbing. I ended the third day riding into the sunset with Pink Floyd's Time playing as I watched the road continuously slip below the shimmering horizon. I felt like time indeed was standing still, and with the visual in front of me, could easily understand how people saw mirages. Only for me, my hallucinations were of eating Chipotle. Specifically a double wrapped chicken burrito: spanish rice, pinto, fried veggies, lettuce, salsa, corn, cheese, and sour cream. I spent days riding 10km/hr into the wind with occasional stops for water or fowl, a bean paste served with flatbread. In fact, this was about the only food I ever encountered on the road. And getting diarrhea one stretch, with only fowl as sustenance was like pouring gasoline on the fire. Somebody's idea of a cruel fucking joke. I had a solid day playing carnival games with a squat toilet and fertilizing patches of the desert, but soon enough I was fine. People in Sudan are incredibly welcoming. There's endless offers for chai, conversation, and selfies. And one day I was invited over by two Bedouin goat herders who were cooking lunch not too far from the road. It was an interesting exchange as they were both about my age, but didn't know a word of english. We cooked and ate and laughed at whatever and the younger one crashed trying to ride my bicycle. After a few days, I crossed back onto the main highway where there were more villages as it was on the Nile. There was one in particular that stuck out. On the side of the road, there were three kids and one launched a rock past me. This was rather unexpected and annoying so I stopped and hurled one back. Just in this one village, this reoccurred five times. The PTSD from Ethiopia finally kicked in on the last and I exploded, sprinting after a series of kids and sending rocks flying. These were isolated to just this one area, but for a few days still served to shatter the comfort and trust I'd had. This was usual for Ethiopia but very bizarre for Sudan given the authoritarian government/police/education. I was told later that a child's punishment for such activity was 20 lashings by camel hide. I did finally catch up with Will and Wendy in the town of Dongola. Maps.me brought me to their hotel or so I thought. It was a very nice building, but with no sign. I asked a teenager standing "Lord Hotel?" He gave me one of those Indian headbob answers and followed me over to help me get my bike through the gate. Upon rounding a corner, the un-burka'd woman's look on her shocked face was enough to assure me was in the wrongg place. Someone pointed me around the corner to a very obviously signed guesthouse. I spent a day off the bike with Wendy, Will, and Tomás, a cyclist headed south. I had tea, falafel, and chicken with them and spent a good time finishing the book Quondam that Alex and Merlin had given me. It was about an Irish guy who rode down Africa in 1980. It was an incredible journey and had been fascinating to travel through the same places in a now much different world, and on paved roads. I then passed the book on to Tomás as he was also Irish, the same age, traveling the same course, and meeting his girlfriend in the same place. It was another two days riding before I caught up with Will and Wendy again and we both stayed at a nice guesthouse along the Nile. The owner came by and offered me to join him and some workers for food. "Eat much" he insisted, "the night is now longer than day." The north was filled with interesting desert terrain. You could camp almost anywhere and it was mind boggling to stare out in one direction and know that there was absolutely no humanity for hundreds of miles. After another two days of this I reached the town of Wadi Halfa where Wendy and Will had arrived. I had a change of heart though and decided to take a longer ferry than they were planning. I was kinda burnt out and it went across lake Nasser to Egypt and cut out 3 days of windy desert riding with only one shop. Again, I wasn't originally planning on it, but I happened to arrive to the port just an hour before the ferry set off for the week. There was plenty of hoops to jump through. I bought the ticket from one line, luggage with another, another line for a form, another for customs, immigration, security, etc. This isn't too different from any other port of entry or airport, but in Sudan it's complicated by a foreign passport which almost everyone blankly stares at upside down. They'll invariably ask me my name, nationality, and details anyways, which will be transcribed to Arabic script. We took off as the sun set. The ferry was packed with some 200 Sudanese guys all headed to Egypt for work or trade. The young ones were eager to chat and I was invited down below for dinner as well We chatted, the older men prayed, and the janitor heaved out the buckets of trash off the stern. The good-intentioned holy man approached me later and introduced me to the way of Islam. I had a few questions on fate, marriage, and theology. But he was more interested in giving me examples on hand washing and how God determines on decision day whether you live or die- this I assured him was also represented in Judeo-Christian practices. And when I respectfully told him that I was in no way planning on converting to Islam, but wanted to know what takeaway was most important to be a better person... He told me to be Muslim. It was an interesting atmosphere- mostly all young men looking for better prospects in a different land. I had enjoyed my time in Sudan, the desert was pristine, the people unbelievably friendly, and the bean fowl was plentiful. But after 3 weeks, and less than $2 worth of hard currency left, I too was ready for a change and looking for new prospects as we made port the next day in Aswan.

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olusegundare · 5 years

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The one change that would actually help women: “Fund them, back them, pay them” By Leah Fessler

Kathryn Minshew is goals—literally.

She’s the co-founder and CEO of career platform The Muse, which aims to help millennials and women early in their careers navigate the ever-intimidating, often-confusing world of job hunting and professional development. She encourages young people to put a premium on their personal value by setting concrete goals and then identifying the pathways to achieve them.

“When people tell me I can’t do something, I immediately wonder why and then think it through. It only makes me more motivated to prove them wrong,” she said in an interview last year.

Minshew’s own professional path was something of a roadmap for her business today: She started her career thinking she’d be a diplomat and worked at the consulting firm McKinsey; she then introduced new vaccines into Africa with the Clinton Global Access Initiative. She realized diplomacy wasn’t her thing, but she wasn’t sure exactly what she did want to do. She saw an opportunity to help other young women in a similar predicament, and decided to do something about it.

Minshew co-founded The Muse with Alexandra Cavoulacos and Melissa McCreery in 2011, and quickly built the site into a signficant business. “It’s often the subtle, unintentional stereotypes and biases that are the hardest thing to deal with,” Minshew said about the challenges of being a female founder in the male-dominated world of venture capital. “People assume you don’t really want to build a massive company…that your ambitions are small or cute.”

Despite the prejudice, Minshew has grown her company into a professional-development empire that has raised $28 million in funding and draws over 50 million users each year. She and Cavoulacos have also written a book, The New Rules of Work, which aims to help people discover and prioritize their career values.

In an interview with Quartz, Minshew talks about embracing the changing nature of work, putting a priority on inclusive company culture, and the value of relentless persistence.

1. What’s your big idea that other people aren’t thinking about or wouldn’t agree with? Why is it so important?

Work is becoming more human. While the statement itself might not sound controversial, the ideas it represents are rocking the HR industry, which has long been a fairly transactional space. Think of the legacy “job boards” that return 5,732 crappy, indistinguishable results from a single search. Work as a transaction—my time and labor—for a paycheck alone is an antiquated concept for most knowledge workers, especially millennials.

That’s one reason why it’s harder than ever for companies to attract and retain great talent. Job seekers are more aware of their options and are changing the power dynamic with potential employers. As a result, talent professionals are moving away from transactional job-filling, and companies are looking to understand and articulate their internal cultures, build relationships with potential hires long before they’re looking to make a move, and make interviews a two-way street so both sides can decide if it’s a good fit. In this process, talent/HR is starting to look a lot more like marketing, branding, and relationship-building.

2. What behavior or personality trait do you most attribute to your success?

Persistence and the ability to find a way around any obstacle. I just assume I can always, always, always make it work, and we’ve climbed over some pretty serious mountains as a result.

3. If you could make one change to help women at work, what would it be?

Fund them, pay them, back them. Women can’t build game-changing businesses at the same rate as men when they continue to receive just 2.19% of venture funding (yes, 2%), and when many forms of the pay gap still exist.

For investors, read up on unconscious bias and actively seek out founders from diverse backgrounds. Then don’t just mentor them—fund them as well.

For employers, make sure you’re doing compensation benchmarking at least once per year, ideally alongside reviews, where you look at pay against market rates, as well as breaking it down by gender and race, to make sure that unconscious bias hasn’t seeped in for people doing the same work.

4. At the start of your career, what do you wish you had known? What, if anything, do you wish you had not believed?

I wish I didn’t think I had to be someone else’s version of what success looks like.

T hat took a lot of forms for me. The first suits I bought for my job at McKinsey were boxy and androgynous, because I was afraid that looking female would make me seem weak. (Guess what: They could still tell!) I also discounted things about myself because I didn’t fit the norm. For example, one of my greatest strengths is my intuition, yet some of my early corporate environments didn’t value that as a skill. The people who were successful in those environments all had other strengths, and as a result I doubted or downplayed some of my own strengths for a long time, wondering if they were even strengths at all. It took me a few years, a career switch, and several badass role models to see it differently. 5. When in your career did you feel most despondent, and what did you do to turn it around?

M y lowest moment was probably when I lost my first company. I’d poured my heart and soul into it for over 10 months, plus my life’s savings. Within a few short weeks in June 2011, I went from being on top of the world (we won a major industry award!) to devastated, as power jockeying between business partners brought the business to a halt. I was crushed, broke, and couldn’t imagine moving forward at first. Yet only a few short months later we launched The Muse, and business grew faster than I’d ever anticipated, mostly due to the lessons learned from my first company. It wasn’t easy—my co-founder Alex and I sometimes joke that we alternated between the fetal position and the whiteboard—but it was worth it in the end.

6. A key part of success is building strong professional relationships. What practice do you use to cultivate them with your colleagues?

I genuinely enjoy getting to know and helping people, and I think that’s been useful in business. In any relationship, I try to first focus on the person: Who are they? What do they care about, and what motivates them? If there’s a way for us to work together or for me to help them, great. I wouldn’t be where I am today without so many people helping me, and I love to pass it on. Being willing to go out of your way to help people when you can is a powerful thing.

7. What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?

T his is a funny question, because what sprung to mind first was the “best” advice I disregarded.

W hen I was starting The Muse, nearly everyone in a position of power or influence suggested I was crazy to mix jobs and content. “Just be a job board,” they said. “Kill the content. Doing two things well is too hard.” I was offered investment if I’d drop one half of our business, and I turned it down.

What I realized, however, is that the magic was in the mix between disparate elements. The advice to cut down my business was pervasive, insistent, and delivered by some of the most powerful people in the industry represented the establishment perspective, and it made me realize that others were blind to the gap and opportunity I’d perceived. That, or maybe I was a lunatic. Luckily, it seems to have been the former!

Now I often counsel entrepreneurs to get advice from a wide set of people, listen openly and thoughtfully to all of it, but be comfortable disregarding that which doesn’t apply. You might just be seeing something that they can’t.

8. If there’s one thing men can do to improve women’s life at work, it would be…

T o spend at least one hour researching and reading up on the ways that women are still treated differently in the workplace so that you’re more aware of the biases and issues, both intentional and not, that still exist. In the tech and VC space, here are a few places to start:

We recorded VCs’ conversations and analyzed how differently they talk about female entrepreneurs

Two women entrepreneurs invented a cofounder named “Keith” to be taken seriously. It worked

The enduring reason you believe all nurses are women

Here’s new ammunition from McKinsey for women fighting for equality in the workplace

And when you finish reading, send the 13 pieces that were most eye-opening or relevant to another man, and suggest he complete the same exercise.

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