#but it feels like a step. so. Yay?

[thechildisgone]

just realized it’s the 9th! anniversary of my car accident. well i’ll try not to think about it. failed that immediately

#ugh such a mess #i’m obsessing already #it’s almost been a decade and i’ve kinda recovered but i still hurt and can’t walk long distances without hurting #but i finally got a job and i walk more steps every day it keeps going up anyway #ugh i remembered bc my mom was talking about yay finals bc she teaches community college and i was like o yea it was right before finals #bc i was anxious going home to do something and anxious about the finals thats why i almost got killed so stupid stupid mistake #oh well #that’s life at least i’m alive i guess #i remember waking up in the hospital like pls let me be able to feel my legs. i was so relieved lol #well at first i was rly pissed i didn’t die but. now i have the shelter and the library #and prissy #i already had prissy poor bb was stuck in my apartment for like a day before my mom could rescue her #oh and i still have crippling car ptsd i can’t even be in a car without being anxious but i do it #that’s why idc what ppl say about my parents still driving me around they’re willing and i almost died like idgaf honestly #i should move somewhere with better public transportation maybe when they die or if i ever get a gf #that would solve that problem #lol #i didn’t even get my license until i was like 20 lmaooo i only had it like 3 years 😭 and i got in other little mistakes before #i’m not meant to drive

[coquelicoq]

after spending the last week very stressed out and losing sleep over how much i regretted giving my number to a stranger, and after talking to several friends who all gave me the same very wise advice ("decide first what YOU want out of this and make decisions based on that" sounds obvious now but honestly blew my mind), i saw food truck man again today and he asked me if i have a boyfriend, told me he's all alone, hugged me twice, and tried to kiss me. i texted him after to be like just to be clear, i don't want a boyfriend, but i hope you find somebody! and he texted me back: i don't need a girlfriend. i'm married.

#AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA #i was actually so upset after he tried to kiss me. technically he did kiss me but not on the mouth because i would not turn my head lol #but i was like you know what i am an adult and i am going to be soooo mature right now. watch how mature i can be #and sent him this text #and then got that response and honestly now i feel a lot better about everything?? for some reason #i am not really understanding all of my reactions to this situation i need some time to process #but ultimately i have learned some new things about myself (or i probably will once i have processed lol) #and i'm actually quite proud of that text because i could have psyched myself out too much to send it #which i think would have just made me continue to be stressed about this #but i didn't!! i wrote it and i sent it and i didn't overthink it. yay me #sorry 2 everyone who wanted me to have a sexy time but it turns out i did not want to have a sexy time! #and i decided to take some advice that i should only do things i want to do <3 thank you to all my wise friends #it is a work in progress because he asked if he could hug me and i didn't really want to do that but i said okay #baby steps! working on it! #i feel insane though because i usually have a much easier time saying no than most people i know #so i don't know what's happening. it's because i gave him my number. i felt like by doing that i had consented to other things #but i hadn't. and even if i had i can withdraw consent at any time. yes. i do know this

[panspy]

hmmmmmm.................vent post under tags...... feel free to give advice or dont¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#i think this is an autism related thing #but i genuinely feel like i wasnt made right for the world we live in #like something is just missing from me that ive never seen ppl talk about #and i know this is going to sound entitled and privileged and i KNOW i know i promise and im so lucky i can even be thinking about this but #it feels weird to have the privilege to be scared #this is specifically in regards to working #like having a job. like going to work #i feel like im missing an extremely important part of my brain or my BEING that is capable ot going through the motions of participating #in society. i never felt that switch of wanting to get a job in high school to make money for myself and get that experience #i feel like there's something i MISSED where everyone took a class on how to apply and go to interviews and write resumes and not be scared #like i NEED to be walked through every SINGLE step because i dont know HOW #and i see my peers and the literal entire world around me participating in this atmosphere and i dont know where to start #im fucking twenty three years old and ive only ever been an intern and an assistant #not even a full year of working #i cant drive and i probably wont ever because thats a whole other can of worms #and that means i have to rely on other people to even get to wherever it was i needed to go #i feel like a fucking child because im missing this knowledge that everyone else seems to have #ive tried i really have but none of it seems simple and its all so much and there arent steps to follow #i mean there ARE but its like 1) look up job 2) apply 3) interview 4) yay you're employed #and im talking about each micro step inbetween #what am i missing #and then theres the fucking demand avoidance that slaps me across the face whenever my mom brings it up to me like i KNOW youre being #supportive and encouraging and its not your fault my brain turns off and decides im full of shame bc i cant CONFRONT ANYTHING #jesus christ #manf i know u can see this maybe dont bring it up to mom i can do that on my own maybe #i WANT to help i just want to help at my own pace but unfortunately the world isnt built around individual paces and nothing revolves #around me. i know this #i want to help my mom i want her to never be stressed about money and to retire and never work or help me pay my student loans but i #genuinely feel like theres a switch that never turned on in my head and im being left behind and i genuinely dont know how to. like be alive

[queerstudiesnatural]

hello! :•D

#i don't feel like dying today! #my stomach is still a bit upset (i need to watch what i eat) but i don't feel so dizzy #i can walk ! without falling ! #yay #i'm staying with my grandparents bc i can't be alone rn i literally can't do anything #and they keep talking about their friends and having their friends over and it's like :) i fit right in :) #we're all talking about how we can't take ten steps without falling down and how we need at home help lol #<3 #anyway i still need help (can't cook and i need to be very careful about what i eat) #(and also if i stay alone with my thoughts for more than five minutes i'll start behaving like a rabid dog) #but i feel better so yay :) hopefully i'll keep improving #and be well enough by the time i get back to work on tuesday 😬 #rain.stuff

[naenaex0xx]

maybe I'm comfortable with tumblr because I get to say things I don't usually tell anyone

#like how my day is? or what dumb stuff im doing lol #my “safe space” where i got to meet people somehow (and theyre very cool :3c) #well. im happy if i get to do it now #cmon nae! sympathy points wont do you any good !! #okay so. tumblr gets to be my little planner too cause i get to write things in the momoment #so im writing things im proud of! #brushed my teeth for more than two mins today #n i actually washed a lil! its embarrassing writing this here because i dont want anyone thinking im dirty.... since its gross #but anyways.. im getting better at putting my phone down at night! #that means fixing my sleep right? i just have to sort out the mornings since i lose track of time #and struggle to leave bed (its too comfyyyy >.<) #and oh. i want to start going on walks.. #itll be hard since the house is getting done n stuff but. anytine if the day. i feel like taking walks woukd be better for me #just to keave the house. my eyes always hurts when i steo outside #n thats not good :< #those are my goals for now. i do wanna get closer to my friends. and actually make friends! #ive had no friendships for nearly a year at college lol #its just been 'oh well' but i have actually felt lonely... oh well- #i guess i wanna get closer to people? #and.. talk to ny old friends too #i feel to guilty #im not good with this stuff. it drains me #but anyways. baby steps right? who knows #maybe ill make a friend on the trip! or next year too! that sounds good #ik nobody'll probably read this cause its word vomit lol #but basically yay yippee im feelin kinds alright #<333 #posts.nae/rambles

[brb-on-a-quest]

Personal Headcanon that the Burr v Hamilton Duel took place near a fictional Gotham, New Jersey (bc it was in New Jersey, just Weehawken New Jersey) bc that would be so on-brand for it.

#Like so many things giveth “gotham” vibes #the fact that dueling was/is illegal in New York so they had to step across the river to fight #the fact that dueling was pretty much a song and dance and about honor rather than actual murder #very few people died from dueling (which like yay! but also i feel slightly disappointed about this false advertising #And Burr straight up told Hamilton he was like "I do not care if you shoot at me or not #and Hamilton was like Aight and still shot up in the air #And Burr shot Hamilton for criticizing him in the press #Hamilton died the next day bc of Burr's Bullet in his Liver #And the fact he wrote hatemail about the wrong person #but that is politics #brb-learning #i need to come up with a consistent tag for the school posts #that will be a later me prob

[titan-god-helios]

oh no oh fuck what happened to tumblr is my computer just fucking up or did the site actually change pleasetellmemycomputerfuckedupi'msostressedrightnowihatethis

#now there have been two (2) minor to others but major to my autistic ass changes today #one is that genshin impact fucking changed their party setup layout and i very much despise the new one i loved the old one it was perfect #and so neat and had everything you needed and then they CHANGED IT and i feel like crying everytime im reminded #because that fucking shit is my comfort game i love it so much and then they had to go and make it changed and new and uncertain #the autism goblin freaked out so hard earlier but fontaine soothed it a little because yay !! new place to explore !! i love exploring !! #key word: a little #AND NOW THIS SHIT WITH THE HELLSITE AGAIN #ADMINS #PLEASE #STOP CHANGING SHIT #YOU'RE STRESSING THE FUCK OUT OF THE AUTISM GOBLINS #i look at the layout and i just feel like crying and rocking back and forth so hard ohmygod its actual real pain im not even exaggerating #its like someone's showing me a recording of something so viscerally wrong in every conceivable way that my eyes feel as if they're being #stabbed and i break out into a cold sweat and i'm in actual fucking pain right now why is being autistic so fucking PAINFUL always #give it a week of slowly introducing it to my brain like how you introduce a new cat to your other cats and i'll get used to it #but that doesn't matter right now i would rather step on legos for a minute straight i hate it so much i am in so much fucking mental pain #hjgshgdsuygdsyudghjdgsjdfgdsgdjdf #autism #neurodivergent #actually autistic #asd #its the neurodivergency #actuallyautistic #neurodivergencies #actually adhd #being autistic #adhd #genshin impact #tumblr staff #bad staffelstein

[wickedhawtwexler]

i always knew that i was neurotic but the adderall shortage situation has really illuminated how much i physically cannot handle any change at all lmao

#(says the woman who moved halfway across the country last year) #ANYWAY. the good news is i was able to pick up medication for the next month! #the bad news is i got moved back to instant release because my pharmacy was out of extended release #and it's 10mg so i'm gonna have to split it in half and i don't have a pill splitter #the logical part of my brain is like fuck YEAH i got MEDS i don't have to stress for another 30 days!!! #but i'm tense and my chest feels tight anyway!!! because this is not what i was anticipating!!! #this is a New Experience i was not prepared for AND now i have to go buy a pill splitter!!!!! #and like now this adds a whole extra step in my morning routine. a step i AM going to forget about #anyway. YAY i was able to get medication! i got the last 30 pills my pharmacy had too 😬 #m.txt

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

.

#ooooof i'm tired :'( #full day of training for the new position by my predecessor who's retiring #and the way she works is so unstructured and she wasn't involving me in so many steps i was so lost #it made me panic to the point i literally thought i was gonna cry #and that feeling stayed with me the rest of the day #now i still have a whole entire workday tomorrow like #i need to get this out of my system first how can i rest #jfc it's a lot to get used to working full time and learning everything from scratch #can't wait till i can see the forest for the trees #i hope i can cry now lol. and then sleep yay #the expected wall after this new start has been hit

[d1anna]

went to the gym for a little bit and i’ve never felt so stared at 😐

#it was a student gym but it wasn’t too busy at first #it was just another girl and me #and then she left 😔 and it was okay for a little. until i realized there was another guy in there who had been there the whole time #and then only boys started coming in one after another and i was like damn is it just me 😵 or do i feel like a piece of meat #i was attempting to peacefully watch my telenovela and then this guy near me kept trying to get me to look at him #but i valiantly refused because 1) i’m shy. and 2) i didn’t feel like eye flirting with some dude when going to the gym #is already nerve wracking enough #anyway i got 12 thousand steps in today though!!! so yay 😁 #dianna.moon

[ifeelfreewithoutmyshoes]

I hate writing essays

#i really dont have the motovation for it #yesterday was really just one of those days #it hasnt gotten much better today #at least i got a bit done today #i just dont know where to start #and its one of those where everythign i write seems wrong #and i cant figure out the setup/layout of everthing #and when i write something it feels like the watered down version of it but idk what else to write #ughhhhh #i hate this type of essay #the ones with so much theory in it #also bc i find the subjet suber fucking boring so i have zero motivation besides getting it over with #today is gonna be a meh day as well propably but better than yesterday #im reading soem of the theories agian #next step might be rereading the exmaples bc now i have actually written smt to compare them so... #me #uni life yay

[catladysim]

News from another ex 👀 Zeno’s father, Lyle, is getting married and apparently becoming a dad again! For the third time actually (he already had another kid from a woman he never saw again). In fact, Rayara seems to think, from experience, he is not responsible enough for this and he will probably mess up this family too.

#new simblr #ts4 #simblr #robertson legacy #robgen1 #ts4 gameplay #the sims 4 #lyle robertson #i used to like lyle. now hate him #empathizing too much with yara #also feeling bad for elliana. poor woman she doesn’t know who she is getting married to #i forgot to mention she already has a child so yeah lots of step siblings yay

[acrosstimeandspace]

throat coat tea my beloved

#fae’s mumbles #i’m getting lozenges delivered tomorrow and my step ladder (yay!) #also the throat coat tea tastes like good licorice and feels so nice on my throat #i do have to do a run for a thermometer and some other cold supplies #but after i was peer pressured by my family i’m calling out of work #but i do wish an f/o was here to cuddle with me or just hold my hand in comfort

[weirdgrrlgerard]

finished 'tis by frank mccourt and. ough. idk how big people are into memoirs but 'tis and angela's ashes had me in a vice grip. something about the dry and sometimes humorous way he writes is captivating enough but then he'll have one paragraph that is infused with every wild emotion in the world and suddenly i'm trying not to cry </3 ough

#pip.txt #sorry for not talking much. real busy week #going to this jazz concert as a date i think? he needs it for school but didn't want to go alone #then friday the unveiling ceremony for the literary magazine i've been editing will be here finally <3 yay <3 #i only have a couple weeks left but i'm so burned out -_- these next couple of months will be a nice reset for my brain #i toured another school last friday and it's wild how i'm almost done with the first step but also feels like i'm somehow stuck on square 1 #sigh. ah well i can overthink all i want starting may <3 yay <3

[apocketfullofmuses]

(( Hello! I'm around for a bit, and will be trying to wake the muses up a bit for a couple of hours.

I'm no longer in limbo about health stuff which is good, but there's not actually anything that can be done to fix what's going on, so I'm just trying to adapt to a ton of nerve damage in my legs and hands. They can't tell me if it'll get any worse, so for now it is what it is.

I've started learning to crochet this week as well lol

So, I might reblog some memes for short things to wake the muses up before I attempt to look at anything in my drafts for now. ))

#ooc | kells speaks #(( basically once I walk about 10-20 steps my legs loose 70% sensation from my feet up my calves #and feel like I'm trying to drag sandbags rather than legs #the hand stuff intermittent tingling and numbness #both hands get it but my right is slightly worse #I also have a level of numbness in my lips #kind of like after dental work when the numbing stuff has almost worn off #it's all kinds of weird but doesn't stop me eating and drinking normally so far at least #I do know that my heart runs a tiny bit on the fast side but is otherwise healthy though :D so yay for that

[syrinq]

my ass turning into the moai statue 🗿 with accompanied *VINE BOOM SOUND EFFECT* when i realise i took ''a symptom of autism is taking things literally'' literally as in sarcasm/jokes/metaphors only but it.

yeah no it turns out it's more than that. wow who could've guessed

🗿 *VINE BOOM SOUND EFFECT* *VINE BOOM SOUND EFFECT* *VINE BOOM SOUND EFFECT* 🗿

#COMORBID SYMPTOMS MY FUCKING BEHATED!!!!!!!!! WAUGH #sy.txt #prime example is apparently doing a uni assignment different than anyone for the 1st time in the entire history of the course #and it was told to me aS IF iT wAS a bAD ThINg #'oh we should hangout some time'. WELL WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCKING SAY IT WAS NICE TO TALK INSTEAD OF. YOU KNOW!!!! GOD!!! #my 11yo? ass when i'm supposed to note down my step-by-step thinking guide on how i got my answer in any maths test ever. WELL TELL ME DAMN #i'm going to fucking smash everyone with a rock walking around that damn bush #or the entire 'it's a dick move if you talk about yourself too much' ME CONSTANTLY GAUGING IF ME TALKING ABOUT MYSELF IS TOO MUCH OR NOT #IN ANY CONVO EVER. WAIT IS IT APPROPRIATE TO DO??? UH. ITHINK SO???? #🗿 *VINE BOOM SOUND EFFECT* FEELING RESTLESS ISN'T ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY HAVING THE ZOOMIES YOU DIPSHIT #🗿 *VINE BOOM SOUND EFFECT* NOR DO YOU FULLY KNOW THE MEANING OF ANY FEELING EVER UNLESS IT'S LITERALLY EXPLAINED HOW IT'S EXPERIENCED #🗿 *VINE BOOM SOUND EFFECT* DO I FEEL ACCOMPLISHMENT? DO I FEEL STRESSED OUT? DO I FEEL BURNOUT? IDK YOU TELL ME BUDDY! #🗿 *VINE BOOM SOUND EFFECT* IF I PHYSICALLY CAN'T BE A KILLER ROBOT OR WHATEVER I GUESS IT'LL DO IN MY BRAIN LIKE THIS???? *KIDS YAY! NOISE* #FUCK I JUST RMEMBERED. MIFFY THE BUNNY (NIJNTJE IN DUTCH) WAS ORIGINALLY MADE BY DICK BRUNA #HOLLAND WITH A STORE CALLED 'BRUNA': WAIT SO YOU MEAN THE STORE MADE THE BUNNY. OOH. OH OK #LIKE IT MADE SENSE TO ME BECAUSE IT'S A BOOKSTORE AND NIJNTJE HAS BOOKS SO LIKE. YOU KNOW. 5YO ADOPTED A HEADCANON THAT DAY