#but life doesn't stop for almost

[morrigan-sims]

And I forget sometimes I'm just flesh and bone.

As he stands in the ruined bathroom, all Rook can think is, At least now I can breathe.

#ts4 #ts4 edit #the sims 4 #sims 4 edit #my edits #ts4 render #my renders #blender render #oc: Rook #dnd sims #ts4 dnd #please I beg of you open this in a new tab and look it it. it's 2080px across and I spent way too long on tiny details. #(like the blood on the shards of glass on the sink. and the mirror alone took well over an hour...) #augh I love my boy so much #he's really going through it right now tho #poor bby #but when he's going through it I'm having fun playing him so... #yeah #blood tw #tw blood #so this is scheduled to go up right as we're starting our session picking up from exactly this point. #I thought that would be thematically fitting #please listen to this song it's so good and it's very Rook. #I almost put the lyrics right after this line (''I saw my reflection on the street that night / he said I got something to change your life #/ he said you don't look wrong but you don't look right'') #bc yk mirror shit. But I ended up going with this line instead because it's VERY VERY fitting for the conversations going on w/ Rook. #specifically about his reckless endangerment of himself to the point where some of his party members consider it to be self-harm. #(and obviously punching a mirror intentionally is self-harm.) #but like Rook doesn't see it that way and he's so confused as to why the party is so upset with him. (esp. his mentor and the gunslinger.) #god I could talk about this ridiculous man for hours so I'll stop here.

[sanjarka]

no but peeta was being a dick after the first games. yes it's understandable why he overreacted but it doesn't change the fact that he did overreact, and that it was him who created the distance between himself and katniss. which is exactly why he was the one to apologize (and another reason why the movies suck because his line if i stop acting like i'm wounded is changed into if you stop acting like i'm wounded).

#everlark #it's not that i think his reaction comes from cruelty or naivety #and at first you're confused #cause why is he even mad #he and haymitch started the whole bit #but then she saves him #that conversation before their first ''real'' kiss #when peeta says that katniss isn't doing him any favour by sacrificing her life for his #and katniss tries to use that as an opportunity to sell their love story and how she did because he matters #but then stops and fumbles because he does matter to her #because the love is real was always real #and what does peeta do? #he says (and this is so important) then i'll have to fill in the blanks myself #this is where he starts to see it as something more than performance #and then she almost dies for him #so he assumes she has feeling for him to #and he's not wrong #but katniss is confused and she has every right to be confused and it's not even that he thinks she doesn't #and then haymitch appears and makes everything worse and now peeta's doubting everything #now he's questioning everything to the point of being irational #was everything just a plan haymitch made and katniss knew how to follow #did she save him because she knew it would work or because she wanted too #and he knows it shouldn't matter and that he should be grateful but he's being selfish in this moment #and then he's also traumatized and scared and hurt and embarrassed #and nobody needs him right nobody needs him and nobody cares for him and nobody protects him - his family didn't his mother didn't #so why would katniss #he's worthless really and how didn't he see it coming he's supposed to be in control cool calm collected mild but he wasn't and that's scar #and now he sees that he's not being fair and it would really help if katniss was yelling at him and telling him how ungrateful he is but no #instead she's hurt and she's sad but now he's confused and maybe it's all just guilt but whatever it is it's already to late to fix it #so he leaves and vows to keep living as he always had - with a too comfortable of a distance from others cool calm collected mild

[taegularities]

some men are textbook villains fr

#tw religion? #kinda need to rant.. kinda wanna explain what's going on #some ppl are part of humanity but don't know how to be humane... like the guy i started talking to almost 2 weeks ago #liked him a lot bc he was funny sickeningly sweet mature and understanding.. until he was not #tl dr version is that we somehow drifted to the topic religion and i told him im not too religious and don't believe in superstition much #i was extremely respectful and even when he said that he does believe a lot i was like 'thats cool!! different people believe in different #things!!' and at first it was a normal convo until man went all psycho on me (after one damn week!!!) and started talking about how #id have to be religious in a relationship with him.. my dude i barely know your fav food can we not talk about relationships yet #but he says he doesn't even need a woman who cooks/cleans just someone who believes.. n im like i get it but i can't change myself like that #and then guy moves to marriage and is all 'well my entire family is religious' n my mom and sister (who's 16) would be putting pressure on #you n force you to pray etc.. and I'm like???? who can force anyone to a thing like that are u kidding #things escalate and my absolute STUPID ass tells him about my deepest fkn trauma to explain what made me abandon religion bc #life just never got better and this trauma remained for yrs... and he gets so angry that he says he wants to stop talking to me just to spam #me all day next day.. he'd keep messaging me switching between 'i still want you we shouldn't throw this away i have feelings for you' #AFTER A WEEEEEEKKKK!!! and then goes back to 'i wasted my time with you you were so unnecessary im in a bad mood bc of you' #even said 'you'll never find a guy with a trauma and mindset like this. i will find a religious girl but no one will love you like that' #and the worst thing is that he told his friends and mom about the trauma i had just to spite me.. note that he promised to never tell anyone #(and then still asked for forgiveness and for me to rethink whether we want to end this after telling me 473626x he wanted to end it) #(nothing even ever started you bitchass) #also note that his mom knows my mom n basically most of my relatives.. so i was here trembling for days fearing they'd get to know about it #mom somehow convinced her to not tell anyone bc it's important to me and very very fucking personal.. #but he harassed me all day - i wouldn't answer and he'd send 55 messages.. multiple missed calls like dude i got so fkn scared #my heart jumped whenever he texted he was so fkn aggressive and SO MEAN #'you just needed to adjust and we would've been okay' 'tell me are u gonna fkn be religious or not????' 'you ruined everything' kinda mean #i just :') it was the worst time and i don't think i've ever seen someone degrade me so much or make me feel this defective #but.. it's finally over. his mom called my mom and mine was like pls teach him some manners.. n since i couldn't and wouldn't text him back #and literally avoided whatsapp bc of him she ended it all for me and now it's hopefully done forever #anyway i saw jks gcf performance yday n him singing still with you put a genuine smile on my face.. ill stick to THAT boyfriend honestly lol #def gonna delete later #but ty for reading if u did <3

[cloudyvulpine]

i hate it here how tf am i supposed to violently hate valentino to the point of watching episode 4 will raise my blood pressure but then ship him and vox like there's no tomorrow 😭 h e l p i can't be the only one

#i literally hear the voice of angel in my brain and if he finds out i enjoy vox/val i don't know if he'll forgive me 😭😭😭 #like seriously i want to rip valentino to shreds but put vox in the room and i start chaning my mind lik eNO #GRRRRRR I WANT TO KILL VALENTINO STOP MAKING HIM CUTE WITH VOX #fighting for my life ong #HELP I PUT THIS IN DRAFTS BC IT WAS LATE AND I DIDN'T KNOW IF I WABTED TO POST IT OR NOY #BUT THEN ANGEL CAUGHT ME LOOKING AT VOXVAL SHDSDBDJSBDVF #my to-do list for today is literally draw; write why i think i need therapy; and write an apology to the angel dust that lives in my head #voxval #help their so cute together but their so awful #hazbin vox #hazbin valentino #cw valentino #doing this for angel's sake bc he doesn't like seeing any positive valentino content 😭 love him for that #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel valentino #voxval is my guilty pleasure and by god do i feel guilty #staticmoth #STOP CAUSE THEIR SHIP NAME IS CUTE #I ALMOST SAID SHIT NAME SJHDBDVSBXHDN

[syn0vial]

yes, jango genuinely and absolutely loved boba as a son. yes, he also left boba posthumous instructions to seek out dangerous individuals with the express intent of destroying his trust in others by exposing him to harm and possibly death at their hands.

understanding jango's character means understanding that he would not even REMOTELY consider these two facts to be contradictory <3

#boba fett #jango fett #listen. it is not nearly as interesting (and also not supported by the text imo) to conclude that jango fett is incapable of love. #he loved boba. hell one could convincingly argue that he loved ZAM too #and not only did it not stop him from doing any of the things he did—in many cases it expressly MOTIVATED him to do them #jango's the sole survivor of a massacre twice over who is essentially trying to correct his own ''mistakes'' through his son #to make a version of him who never trusted anyone and never cared for anyone and therefore never suffered through what he did #trying to mold his son into a perfect solitary ruthless killing machine is 100% an act of love in his mind #plus it makes it 10000x more devastating when later in life boba is convinced he's incapable of caring for or loving anyone— #even though it's almost comically obvious to the reader that this isn't the case— #bc /he doesn't love them like his father loved him/ #never realizing that uh. that's not necessarily a bad thing... #boba fett meta

[dmc-questions-anon]

Poll for whitebeakedraven

#I haven't particularly thought about the twins lifespan tbh #I think that full demons are immortal #I'm still working on demon lore but I think that demons grow up quicker than humans do and at a certain point stop aging #like when they're in a human equivalent of their mid-late 20's or early-mid 30's they stop aging and stay that age forever and can't die of #old age #But I'm not really sure about half-demons #The twins & Nero seem to be aging normally #Not rapidly #And Dante definitely doesn't appear to have stopped aging at any point? #I'd argue he even looks older than he really is #Maybe they can choose to age or not? #Or if they are immortal they stop aging later than full demons? #Or maybe they just have a lengthened life span but can die of old age they'll just live longer than regular humans? #Or maybe they have a human lifespan #I'm honestly not sure #I think Trish is immortal and that honestly makes me feel bad for her #I almost want to say they are immortal just for Trish's sake #But then Dante Vergil and Nero will have to watch the humans they care about inevitably be sweeped away by old age #Same as Trish #I'm honestly really not sure #Devil May Cry #DMC #Dante DMC #Vergil DMC #Nero DMC

[fromthegraveyard]

why didn't anyone make a destiel meme about spn possibly coming back i can't believe i had to find out about this the normal way

#destiel #spn #supernatural #also dear god why won't you let this show DIE? #it's almost funny that the characters that kept being brought back to life against their will #are part of a show that keeps coming back to life against everyone's will #did you read that?? ALMOST #listen i love spn so much i grew up with this show it is so special to me and recently i've been getting full on obsessed with it again #BUT IT'S OVER LET IT DIE #the ending was absolute shit so just leave it as it is #stop trying to add on to it “the winchesters” made it clear that it doesn't work #just please leave spn alone you guys have fucked it over again and again after season six just let it REST #that said yes i will at least try to watch if it does come back #but i couldn't get through the first few minutes of “the winchesters” so possibly the same thing will happen again

[brittlebutch]

it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time

I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world

And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with

#N posts stuff #one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety #now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body #but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself #like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao #bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something' #like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with #is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again #and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than #'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it #which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that #so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :) #if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively #like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away. #and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered #like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?' #dimension 20 #d20: stupendous stoats #tula #d20lb

[clowndensation]

x if anything about this feels like it doesn't fit, that's because you don't understand the profound effect charoum and gorty have had on each other.

#'vinnie why is gortash's icon a pink crown that says 'princess' on it?' #how about we stop talking for a little while. #key points: i don't think you can want to become archduke of bg and NOT crave attention. he wants to be the specialest guy in the universe #however his desire for attention is an ego thing. #charoum wants attention because he am feel uncomfortable when things are not about him? #similarly gorty is definitely MORE cautious than charoum. but you can't be TOO cautious and also want to take over the world. #recklessness is required to accomplish big things. #charoum is overconfident and believes he can be reckless and survive so he's further on the scale than gorty #similarly taking over the world is not something a typically exhausted person undertakes. that requires energy. #kinky/vanilla TBH i don't think gorty particularly cares. he needs to be mentally engaged. everything else depends on the other person #that said i don't think he'd be mentally engaged with a person who's ideal sex life is missionary sex with the lights off. so. #also jealousy: neither of them is ACTUALLY that jealous because they have egos the size of the sun and are certain they hold an important #place in each other's lives #charoum randomly decides to get jealous when he's bored and in the mood to be annoying #gorty almost full stop doesn't get jealous at all. although he will get possessive at times and force that onto charoum #which i'm lumping into the jealousy stat #ascended astarion i GENUINELY don't think has what it takes to worship anybody. #however there's a hole in the triumvirate that needs filling. and by god if ascended astarion doesn't know how to fill a hole- #charoum

[paradoxikaa]

hey. elias hodge autistic headcanon, hm?

more in the tags, mild spoilers of ep 2

#mentopolis #i like this headcanon :) can't get over how compelling elias is as a character #of course he doesn't have to be interpreted as autistic but for me at least #like. burnt out overachieving teacher's/boss' pet who's gone through life somewhat disassociated from certain parts of his psyche/senses #trained himself to run on constant cortisol and self-denial/punishment to fulfill expectations and fulfill the potential people see in him #able to almost completely check out from workplace politics and hyperfixate on work and ambition #like come on. neurodivergent gifted kid who didn't burn out or get disillusioned quickly enough to stop him from becoming an employer's tool #not to mention some of conrad and the fix's social awkwardness being super relatable #like arghhh. my god. the amount of lying to and numbing and controlling himself he might have had to do to keep a place in his society #the way he took that skating incident so much to heart and locked up a part of himself so rigidly to try not to be hurt anymore #in those ways i relate to the fella i rlly do

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

I'm not sure how to put this exactly, but. In some episodes, we really get to see Stan show some qualities, we get to see why Dorothy still had some good times with him, and that makes the whole 38-year-marriage-turned-bitter-divorce worse to me. Because it means he had it in him to be a good person and a good husband all that time and he just didn't choose to be.

#once again thinking about dorothy's marriage. it truly is my roman empire #this thought was sparked by watching s4e10: stan takes a wife #and he is genuinely not that bad in that episode! he's cheap and wears a girdle #but he's also supportive of dorothy. sweet. he helps her get much needed information on sophia. (though he did get her favorite food wrong) #and his fiancée seems to genuinely love him so he can't be that bad to her #but then this is the same man that made 38 years of dorothy's life horrible #cheated on her all throughout their marriage #insults her often and happily #left her for a young girl without even having the decency to tell her in person #and it's just. if he was horrid all the time it would be one thing #but *some* times he actually behaves like a decent person. so he knows how to do it! #he just doesn't think it was worth it to be that person for dorothy #and that feels so much worse to me #anyway. kudos to blanche and rose for stopping dorothy from making the biggest mistake of her life in the most hilarious possible way #they were a pleasure to watch #(this is also why the s6 plot where dorothy almost marries him again was always so strange to me?? like. i don't think they'd let her) #(or they'd at least try to convince her otherwise) #the golden girls

[2undial]

.

#you know that post where op's mom keeps turning a wilting sunflower away from the window #and op says it's almost too on-the-nose a metaphor to be happening in real life #that's how i feel every time my mom starts cutting up and throwing away photos #she has early-onset alzheimer's. she's losing her memory already. she doesn't need to be literally throwing them away too. #i say 'im gonna throw up' as a joke a lot but right now i really do feel sick to my stomach #mostly because there's nothing i can do #i can't confront her about it because she'll get confused and defensive #and i can't do anything to stop her from getting worse other than help her with her meds (yay degenerative disease) #there'll be one day where she won't see me as her child anymore #i'll just be a person in her house #and i won't have pictures to show her anymore #because she'll have thrown them all away #and i don't think anything has ever scared me as much as that inevitability.

[thebleedingeffect]

.

#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere #one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions #so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so #despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself #and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral #it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me #not understanding that I could’ve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared #and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her #I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else #but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult #and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side #to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side #she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences #and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control #religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk #having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe #she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough #I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike #and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends #because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting #now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side #it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks. #ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-

[candyskiez]

Man the grief is a hole thing really helps. But unfortunately now I am realizing my own patterns. Fuck.

#i am trying to shove other things into the hole #i am making the hole wider because I'm shoving too many things into the hole #I'm scared everyone else doesn't have a hole and is going to leave me behind because theyre sick of me being like this #and thus making the hole worse by trying to force them to like me #the hole won't get smaller but i cant stop trying to fill it #i just. fuck #i feel so goddamn empty #and I'm making it worse! i know I'm making it worsen #if i stay i rip myself apart if i leave i get replaced #i dont know what to do #and maybe im overdramatic. maybe they actually care and me going would hurt them #but i just #im trying to force them to fill the void in my life and it's going to kill me #it almost killed me actually #genuinely it almost killed me #but if i leave i get a bigger hole #i know I'll grow bigger than it if i stick it out. #but the thing is. i dont know if I can #i don't know if Id live if i lost anyone else #genuinely #so. #candyskiez vent #tw suicide #if you make a sex joke i will eat your organs

[maraeffect]

there is literally not a worse feeling that exists than the feeling that you just annoy people.

#just doesn't exist. I'm so fucking isolated right now i absolutely hate it. and the people that ARE close to me? #i feel that i annoy them the most and one of them is actively pushing me away #i can't find anyone to be friends with me IRL here in Jersey. it's been almost nine months here #and I don't have a single IRL friend. i try online apps and support groups but nothing clicks #and the people that chat with me on the apps stop answering after 2 messages. #my own best friend of like 8 years won't even fucking talk to me. not bc she hates me or anything #but she is so fucking caught up in her own head that she literally avoids me. so that sucks!! #i know she's suffering bc she is so worried about me but. it's a really big slap in the face that #we've supported each other thru thick and thin the past 8 years. and i dropped everything for her more than once #but in my time of biggest need when I'm the most alone I've ever been in my adult life??? #she cannot show up for me. that fucking sucks. #and I've distanced myself from my only close family bc they've severely mistreated me so. #all i have is my partner. who means the world to me and sacrifices so much to help me!! #but it comes at the cost of CONSTANTLY feeling like a huge fucking annoyance to the only person in my life #who is genuinely able to show that they love and care for me. that's literally awful to feel. #we just had our 5 year anniversary and i needed something really celebratory so badly. #and it didn't happen and our ''anniversary'' was just at home #and our official anniversary of starting dating is on veterans Day. and we won't even be in the same fucking region #so I'll be alone with my shitty family. #i hate it i feel so unappreciated and unwanted and like nothing about me is ever enough. #negative #audio

[maidmythics]

thinking about the line “if i relaxed my body now, i’d fall apart. i’ve always lived like this, & it’s the only way i know how to go on living. if i relaxed for a second, i’d never find my way back. i’d go to pieces, & the pieces would be blown away.” & remilia tonight .

#because she has lived her life in so much fear & grief & guilt that she doesn't know how to *not* live life like that u know . #safety to her (& feeling safe) is SO new to her. for so long she was the prey in the corner now she's Not & she's wondering: #when will this safety stop? when will the pain begin again? what if everything goes back to how it was? #how she's almost obsessed w remaining tragic because that's all she knows & she doesn't think she will survive without it ... #like .... who is she without this sadness of hers? but also: who is she without this prophecy????????? #without this prophecy she's nothing . she would have died alone & unmourned #GAHHHH