#but now my roommate is fucking pissed at me bc the schedule we all had for almost a year is gone and he doesn’t know how to adapt

[forest-king]

Love feeling like I’m not welcome in my own apartment bc my roommate doesn’t know how to deal with his own emotions and exist around other people

#ffs i hate it here #he makes his mental health my problem and our roommate’s problem #bc he won’t go to therapy #idk why he won’t #his job also treats him like garbage #and he just stays bc he likes the owner #when the owner is too busy or whatever to take care of the shitty coworkers he has #he literally told me that he can’t decompress when i’m at the apartment #and i don’t have a lot of options for where i can go #bc my closest friend is an hour away and works at a school #closest like distance-wise #and i’m a homebody anyways #i don’t do bars #or clubs #and i’m autistic so loud environments are bad for me #the city is a half hour away #and i’m broke bc i’m unemployed #i’m trying to find a job #but now my roommate is fucking pissed at me bc the schedule we all had for almost a year is gone and he doesn’t know how to adapt #which is NOT my problem #literally the only place i can go is the library bc it’s free and close #don’t i have every right to my own apartment? #i paid rent for this month #all my shit’s here #i’ve picked up on chores where i can in the meantime #this is so frustrating it makes me want to pull out all my hair

[elijahlittle]

Toxic Craigslist!Roomate Eren/Reader (Headcannons)

I SENT THESE TO MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE ACCOUT @ringpop-poppy AND THEY LIKED THESE HEADCANNONS A LOT, SO I'M GOING TO POST THESE HEADCANNONS ON MY TUMBLR. IF YOU WANT QUALITY, AND I MEAN Q U A L I T Y, SHIT PLEASE ON GOD FOLLOW THEM. I am crying and throwing my hands on the table, I cannot express to you how good their account is. I will say this until the moment I DIE they are the BEST blog on this site. Thank u.

so my friend and i were shooting off some headcannons and we came up with this idea and one second i just need a moment to recuperate myself and that's super shitty NIGHTMARE craigstlist roommate eren yeager and when i tell you it has RUINED my life i mean it has RUINED my life.

so like imagine, you're hard up for a roommate and so you hit up craiglist b/c you know the state of the economy is absolute SHIT and you are kind of in a rush. you end up moving into this two bedroom apartment with some dude on craigslist (eren) whose roommate just moved out.

you don't know it but eren can't keep a roommate to save his LIFE. it's because he's just such an AWFUL roommate. like plays videogames all day. homie has a shit ton of money but literally NOBODY knows where it comes from or where he works. he just disappears and comes back he says it's "work" but never actually says where he works.

throws his feet up on the coffee table and shit, doesn't wipe off his feet when he comes into the apartment, leaves cups out, just does not pick up after himself. eats the last bit of your food but gets mad when you do the same to him, uses your extra toothbrushes, just overall leaves a mess.

the worst part? his room is IMMACULATE. he is FULLY capable of keeping clean, he just likes to crack open a can of whatever the fuck he drinks on the couch, throw his feet up on the table, and watch you bend over and pick up stuff in an angry huff with very steely eyes. this man's eyes are on you ALL the time.

for the most part u put up w/ it because you're just that hard up for a roommate, but the final straw is when he leaves his dishes in the sink for like a week straight

you storm from the kitchen into the living room in an absolute angry huff, face scrunched up from anger, and start just laying into him about doing the fucking dishes like "it's just not that hard!"

the entire time you're raving, he just sits back - hands behind his head. "you done?"

stands up, puts all the dishes up - in a way that you HATE that's not even CORRECT because he has studied the way that you put up the dishes like in the few months he's made living for you hell he has picked up on your small habits.

now he's sitting down on the couch again and you're still ranting and raving at him. he looks super pissed off now.

also did i mention the sexual tension between u two is IMMACULATE?

while you're in the middle of raving, kicks over his soda that's on the table and gets it all over the carpet.

now you're pissed and just raving and bitching. because who the fuck does that?

pushes u on ur knees, bends you over, presses his cock into your ass and keeps u there for a second - grabs a rag from the table, stuffs it in ur mouth, and know what this fucker says?

"clean it up. you might want to get further on your hands and knees -" presses his cock into you, which is obviously very hard against u, "make sure to get nice and deep in there"

leaves to go to his room leaving u shook as fuck. obviously u clean it up b/c holy fuck

tension builds up over the next several weeks and u get closer to levi and erwin, ur local next door gays (or roommates, depending on if u ship them or not). levi won't admit it but he loves u a lot and so does erwin.

eren being really unhappy b/c ur spending so much time with the next door neighbors and not letting him terrorize you

starts banging on levi's door one day, demanding to know where u r. levi answers the door. obviously he can see you over levi's short ass head but homie is a real one and is like "she's not here"

"i can see her she's right -"

levi wacks eren several times with the broom until he goes away.

so u come in late that same night and homie is seething. this is where the sexual tension BUSTS.

so u open the fridge bc you're looking for water, right, bent over and he comes in b/c he heard u come in (he's been waiting for u to come back all night).

very stealthily slips behind you, presses his crotch against ur ass, and gives a nice comfortable shove - wedging u in the fridge

reaches over u, his chest pressed against u, grabbing the water you wanted.

sits there with his crotch pressed into u, slowly drinking the water while ur sitting there, squirming, trying to press ur way out of the fridge, but his hips have you pinned there. u don't know why ur turned on but holy HELL you're turned on. ur pressing ur ass into him and everything, trying to grind into him a bit. you claim to do it b/c ur trying to push him off but he knows why you're really doing it. the entire time u r stuck there, water from the shelf above is just dripping on you. it's cold as fuck bro and ur nipples? hard b/c it's cold.

gets halfway through the water and go "i don't think i want to drink it anymore" dumps the other half of the water on u.

you are dripping in water, t-shirt clinging to u. homie is marveling at how tight ur shirt is clinging to you, how cold you r when ur shivering.

pulls you up by the neck from behind and closes the fridge so he can press u against it

he's whispering in ur ear, asking if u had fun fucking the neighbors b/c "you seem like the kind of slut who would enjoy something like that". it's not like that at all but homie is a jealous guy.

oh yeah did i mention he's a jealous guy?

has his fingers in his mouth while he fucks you from behind for the first time, head pressed against your work schedule that's pinned to the fridge, asking you a slew of shit like

"do you like that?"

"i bet you like cleaning up after me like a lil maid"

i mean he is absolutely ROCKING you against that fridge, fingers in your mouth snapping his hips against urs

"you've just been playing coy w me the entire time, i bet u've been thinking about this for months - i know you have. i can see the way u bend over to put on a show for me when you clean up after my mess like a good lil housewife. good girls just don't wear panties like that and bend over not expecting to get fucked. bet you been waiting for this, dirty whore" ext. ext. ext.

thank u for ur time.

#eren yeager smut #snk #aot #aot smut #bully eren #craiglist roommate eren #eren yeager x y/n #eren x reader #eren x you #aot x you #drabble #eren yeager/reader #eren yeager #snk/reader #aot/reader #aot headcannons #snk headcannons #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #shingeki no kyoujin #smut #roommate eren yeager #aot x reader #attack on titan #eren fluff #eren smut

[binunus]

college bf!eunwoo

a/n I LOVE HIM !! I WOULD LITERALLY RISK IT ALL FOR HIM !! also rip to the disappointing hookup experience I had that made an appearance in this headcanon...yes I’m still angry about it.

→ pairing: eunwoo x f!reader

→ genre: smut, fluff, fwb to lovers

→ tw: hookup culture, mentions of drinking and drug use, implied almost SA, this is a bit heavy compared to the other ones like please be a cautious a little when you’re reading this

→ word count: 5.6k

_______________________________

here we go ladies and gents

i had something completely different planned for this

and it was super angsty and dramatic

but i had a monumental experience last night so I’m changing this up

and okay okay

i usually try to write all my stuff gender neutral but bc of the idea I have for some of this plot, it’s gonna be a female reader

im sorry to all my male identifying loves :(

and back to our regularly scheduled program

cha motherfuckin eunwoo

lee fuckin dongmin

he doesn’t go by dongmin, he prefers to go by eunwoo, only his family calls him dongmin

as soon as he stepped foot into the university, everyone knew him

and I mean everyone

he’s so attractive

but don’t get it twisted, eunwoo’s the humblest, sweetest bean

he gets very embarrassed when people compliment him for his looks

applied for random roommates his first year and got paired up with swimmer!bin

he and bin become besties and end up rooming together their entire college career

major: music performance, specialty in piano

most people (besides those in the music department or astro) would have never thought eunwoo was a music major, especially since he was incredibly smart and athletic too???

usually gets mistaken for a STEM major

often helps the boys (especially rocky and sanha) with their studies

and oof when he tries out for–and makes it into–the basketball team

everyone ???? floored

eunwoo has game on the court...now with dating??? eh not so much

(at least not sober shh)

he’s tried dating before, at least in the first year or so

the basketball team kept trying to set him up with people

but it never got anywhere substantial and eunwoo always trusted astro to really give the vibe check and no one ever passed

and so he settled for hookup culture every now and then

his emotions are guarded :’(

yes he’s very easy to talk to and always so nice and well mannered

but he’s only himself with astro

now, where do you come into this???

you’re a cheerleader

you and eunwoo know each other by association

you cheer for his home games, you’ve been in a couple of classes together, you’ve seen each other at parties

but would you call yourselves friends?? not really

now you know it’s highly unlikely for you to have a lasting boyfriend in college, especially with your affiliation as a cheerleader, so you also opt for hookup culture

less messy feelings, less drama, less commitment, all that fun

so the first time your paths really intertwine with eunwoo is at a party

the basketball team won a big game and they were out celebrating yuh

and ofc since it’s his team, eunwoo popped out

he only really attends parties hosted by the basketball team bc he feels a bit obligated to go LOL but he always brings swimmer!bin for support 

and it’s chill bc bin is also an athlete–yes it’s exclusive like that

but this time, bin couldn’t go so it’s just eunwoo hanging with his team

and yes, you can guess it, you and him get partnered up to play beer pong together!

that’s so cliche omg

but ah ha you hear your opponent, one of eunwoo’s teammates say to one of your fellow cheerleaders: don’t worry baby, I’ll carry you through this game

and you cringed a little ugh men

eunwoo turns to you like: ah sorry if we lose, it’s all luck with me. The guys usually pick to play me bc I’ll probably lose. I’ll drink the cups for you though if you want me to.

you get a little fired up, like aw why do they pick on him that’s not fair

you: well I’m not horrible at pong, so let’s try to crush em

he played pretty well ok! you both got balls back twice in a row right in the beginning

your team was on a roll

you and eunwoo won three games back to back

you were feeling a bit bloated and hazy from the beer that you and him had to drink, but you were still pretty self aware

and you and eunwoo were just chilling after playing the games, you two were on a pretty good wavelength and you wanted to continue it after joking around in between plays

alright now obviously you don’t go into these parties just strictly looking for a hookup, you go to have fun and let loose

but if the person and situation arises??? you wouldn’t necessarily turn it down, especially if that person was cha eunwoo

and yeah, eunwoo was entertaining the idea too, it’s been a while since he vibed with someone like he has with you

basically by the end of the night, you brought him back to your place–you’d rather eat shit than hook up at the basketball house, it was messy and musty and just nope

your place was closer than his

and ~yuh~

it was pretty damn good

he didn’t stay the night, bc well this was a hookup, so after you both had your fill it was a casual alright see you around!

oh lord the fuss your cheerleading team gave you at the next practice asking how your hookup with eunwoo was

the news spread like wildfire

eunwoo didn’t hook up very often so every time he did, it was like breaking news

which is honestly a bit fucked up, but seriously this is how college is

alright so your sex drive skyrocketed after fucking eunwoo 

you hook up with another guy at one of the following parties

but it didn’t compare to eunwoo rip so you were pretty disappointed

and you were sorta wondering like hm? should you hit him up? but decided against it 

and then! you saw him at the gym working out with literally all of astro

bin probably forced the other 4 to come with him and eunwoo sksksksk

and you were like shit why does he look so good

not gonna lie, just in case he was looking over, you tried to make your ass and tits pop out a bit more, you know squats and shit

unfortunately, it caught the attention of other guys at the gym and not eunwoo grrr

and you were literally just planning to stop being a coward and go up and talk to him, but a guy blocked your path

and he was lowkey being very creepy and way too close for your liking

but you weren’t having it, hell no you ain’t a damsel in distress

being a cheerleader taught you how to defend yourself against predatory men

so you were basically telling him to fuck off and leave you alone, but he was being really damn persistent about it

and just as the guy was about to put a hand on you, eunwoo steps in and he’s like: dude, she’s clearly not interested, fuck off.

after a bit of a stare off, the guy leaves and wow you’re face to face with eunwoo again hehehe

his eyes switch from a glare to a soft worried look and he’s like, hey are you okay?

and you’re like a little giddy, maybe also a little bit turned on bc he’s still like fresh from a workout, his hair was brushed back revealing his forehead, his arm muscles were really defined right now, and just he’s so hot? 

but you smile nonchalantly, you genuinely could have just slapped the shit out of the guy or kicked him right in the baby factory, but eunwoo stepping in was also a pleasant surprise, you weren’t complaining

you: yeah. I could have handled it, but thanks for helping

and he just grins, your confidence?? attractive

the two of you just like look at each other for a couple seconds and you’re yelling at yourself in your head like don’t cop out this is what you were waiting for !!

you: so...you’re here with your friends?

eunwoo: yeah, me and my roommate forced them to come work out with us haha. did you come by yourself?

you: yeah, I usually work out with my teammates, but I decided to come alone today

eunwoo nods and you see him like look at your neck and you immediately get a bit shy bc you knew there was a hickey there from your last (very disappointing) hookup: you’ve been having fun recently?

your face flushes: the last one was embarrassing really, so honest to god no

eunwoo: why was it embarrassing? if...you don’t mind me asking

you immediately facepalm: no, yeah I don’t mind telling you...ugh, eunwoo I was literally catfished. this guy really talked mad game about his dick and then when I agreed to hook up, he asked me to suck him off and it literally only took him less than ten minutes. and after he came, he just pulled up his pants and said “damn you give really good head” like the fuck? he didn’t even offer to return the favor or anything, and when I asked him “wait, are we gonna fuck?” he just said “maybe next time.” maYbE neXt tiMe?? I was played so hard, you have no idea how pissed I was, eunwoo. and now I have to wait for his dumb fucking hickey to heal so that I can literally just repress that hookup even happened.

his jaw literally dropped: he didn’t give you anything?

you shook your head, you were getting pissed again 

eunwoo couldn’t believe his ears, he glances back at astro for a second and then he clears his throat: well...what are you doing after the gym?

you: nothing, just going home and taking a shower. My roommate’s not gonna be home tonight so I’m probably gonna wallow in my sorrows about that hookup again

he laughs: well sounds like you have a fun night planned, but if you want some company?? I’d be more than happy to come over and help you forget about the sad disrespect of that hookup.

who said eunwoo couldn’t flirt ???

and he was thinking about hitting you up again too before but he didn’t wanna seem like a fuckboy or anything

but seeing you defend yourself against the guy?? lowkey was a bit of turn on for him

obviously you agreed hello

eunwoo going up to astro: so uh...imma head out first...I’ll see you guys later. :)

sanha: hyung so scandalous *O*

you and eunwoo fuck again

and after this time, the two of you have a little bit of pillow talk

basically you tell him that fucking him ruined all other guys for you bc he was just that good

and eunwoo usually gets shy from compliments, but his ego with this one??? he felt a bit proud ohohoho

and he’s like: honestly, you’re the only person I’ve fucked in six months, but I gotta agree that our sexual chemistry is pretty good

so where do you two go from there?

friends with benefits baby, full on fuck buddies

you both talk and agree that you two weren’t looking for relationships at the moment, but the sex was good

i’m gonna get into specifics later, but for now a little more plot

obviously, you and eunwoo talk a lot more now that you two were basically fucking each other at least once a week

the guys notice that he’s so much more?? carefree?? less stressed out?? ever since you and him started your little agreement

and they’re already scheming by themselves, like eunwoo would not get into a situation like this unless he trusted you as a person

and at first it was really just, call each other over, have sex, stay for a little bit longer, then leave

neither of you ever stayed the night bc that’s just an unspoken rule

until there was this one party, a group of people were in one of the rooms at the basketball house and they told you to come join them and ~do drugs~

don’t dabble kids, I’m serious

and you were chilling with eunwoo and bin for a bit until they called you over and you were like: wanna try too?

eunwoo and bin didn’t do it obviously, but you were curious so you went and told them you would be back in a bit

eunwoo was worried about you, bin could see it from a mile away

he kept glancing back at the room and one by one people started to come out, but none of them were you

bin nudging eunwoo: go check up on her

eunwoo opens the door to see you being like pinned down on the bed and he turns livid

he pulls the guy off you and punches him right in the face like: what the fuck do you think you’re doing? what did you give her?

you’re noticeably out of it, sobriety? not there

the guy basically laced something in the drug he gave you, omg you were roofied??

bin comes in and he literally has to hold eunwoo back from beating the shit out of the other guy

the two take you back to their apartment and were making sure that you didn’t die or something shit

literally cannot believe the first time you slept over at eunwoo’s place was when you were drugged up

you wake up the next morning, nauseous, body weak, and confused

eunwoo also wakes up because of your movement: hey y/n, are you okay?

you: eunwoo...what...what happened last night??

he sits up and gives you a recount of the party and you just like hug your body tightly when he brings up the drugs and start crying

he’s a bit shocked when he sees your tears, but he just pulls you in for a hug to try and comfort you, obviously that must have been a bit traumatic

eunwoo: hey...it’s okay...I’m just glad I checked up on you before something worse happened

you: I’m such a fucking idiot...I can’t believe I let myself get put in that situation again...no wonder people think I’m a just a dumb whore.

~trauma~

you and him spill your deepest darkest most traumatizing secrets that morning and you just feel more connected to him

you: I honestly never really told anyone...thanks eunwoo, you’re a good friend.

he feels more protective of you after that??

you start hanging around with him and astro more

and the guys really like having you around !!

you’re very easy to get along with, you also joke and tease eunwoo with them, they love you !

you even become really friendly with the other guys’ partners

about half a year into your fuck buddy relationship with eunwoo

everyone: why aren’t you dating y/n yet?

eunwoo: what do you mean?? we’re just friends...with benefits??

before you even know it, you’re spending literally all your time (when you’re not training or practicing or at class) with eunwoo and his friends

you sleep more at eunwoo’s than you do at your own apartment

honestly you two are already acting like a couple

except for the fact that you only kiss each other when you’re fucking, or you don’t hold hands in public, or you don’t say the L word to each other obviously

but the cuddles? the jokes? the hanging out? if you two are seen together there’s still a little form of physical touch––like a hand on the waist, or resting his elbow on your shoulder––something that tells other people that you two are a bit exclusive to each other

and maybe it’s because both of your emotional capacities when it comes to relationships are akin to a pubescent thirteen year old, but you and eunwoo?? don’t really realize that you’re both basically in love with each other

and it’s also the fact that catching feelings in a friends with benefits?? forbidden

but what if both people catch feelings?

you don’t realize you like eunwoo until a year of fucking each other

damn a year?? y’all really suppressed those romantic feelings hard

you and him were hanging out, per usual, but in the piano rooms of the music building

eunwoo had to practice his repertoire for an upcoming performance and you were free so you decided to come along and keep him company

you knew he was a music major and that he played piano, but you never actually heard him play

you were just chilling by the window, scrolling through your phone, and then he just starts playing and your jaw?? literally dropped

it was so intricate and fluid and elegant, you looked over to the keys and his hands just moved so expertly over them

you were put in a trance, it was so beautiful??

and then you look up and his concentration? seriousness? he has honestly never looked more attractive to you than in that moment

and then eunwoo meets your eyes and he smiles a little: is it bad?

you: no, you’re amazing actually...

and your stomach does a triple somersault and your cheeks start heating up, like why is your heart going haywire???

you start spacing out and obviously he notices

eunwoo calls your name and pats the space next to him on the piano bench

eunwoo: what are you thinking of, hm?

you: n-nothing. keep playing, I wanna hear more

and so he does and your heart just won’t chill out, especially now that you’re literally sitting mere centimeters apart from him

he’s still playing and you just can’t stop thinking about how much you want to kiss him–and not in a sexual way

and that honestly scared you, so you panicked and put your hand near his crotch

eunwoo jolts in surprise, but he doesn’t say anything, he just chuckles and continues playing

do you have sex in the piano room to try and distract yourself from whatever you were feeling? yeah

you hide your feelings for a little bit, but the more time you spent with him, the stronger they got, and you honestly didn’t know what to do

so you tried distancing yourself, you gave eunwoo the excuse that cheerleading competitions were coming up–which they were, so it wasn’t a complete lie–and you needed to focus and have time to yourself

it was so weird for you not seeing him and astro all the time, you barely responded to his text messages or calls, and when you saw him around campus, you would immediately try to avoid him, and it hurt but you were ~scared~

eunwoo’s a smart boy, he knew something was off with you

but after a week of trying to contact you, he didn’t wanna seem annoying or a bother, so he tried not to

even though all he wanted was to see you or talk to you, like it was beyond sex at this point

he missed you, he thought he was going to go insane

he didn’t realize his feelings for you until he saw you talking to a guy in the athletic building

he had basketball practice, and you just finished your cheerleading practice

you were talking to this one guy from your philosophy class, basically joking around and talking shit about your professor

and eunwoo saw you smile at something the guy said and he just felt jealous

his fists clenched, he hated seeing you smile and laugh with the guy like how you used to do with him

and it also didn’t help that you and him haven’t really talked in two or three weeks and he just missed you so much :(

he tried not to think about it during his practice, but it didn’t work, he was off his game for this one, even his teammates and coach noticed it

he went back to his place after practice and called over the boys and basically vented his frustrations

jin: eunwoo. you like y/n

eunwoo: I know...fuck what do I do

bin: tell her, obviously

eunwoo: and risk our?? friendship??

myungjun: you’re a fucking idiot if you don’t see that she likes you back

rocky: yeah...I mean why else do you think noona started distancing herself from you?

eunwoo: maybe I’m just feeling like this because we haven’t met up in a while and I saw her talking to that guy and I don’t know? I’m horny?

sanha: hyung...you sound indenial and jealous.

bin: you like her. we’re surprised you didn’t realize this earlier.

anyway, the day of the competition comes, and the guys and their partners decide to pop out and support you

and seeing them actually made you feel so warm, you wave at them brightly and you meet eyes with eunwoo and you smile at him even though the butterflies are back and at full force

the group is so proud watching you and your team compete, their cheers are debatably the loudest and you literally have to stop yourself from laughing in the middle of your routine

your school places first yuh

and after talking with your team and discussing celebration plans, you go to the group

you were having such an adrenaline rush, you immediately run up to eunwoo in a crushing hug and you kiss him

eunwoo doesn’t even hesitate to kiss you back

astro and them: ohohoho hey

you: I’m so happy you all came! I can’t believe we actually won!

you were going to celebrate with your team bc you knew they were throwing a party, but celebrating with eunwoo and astro/their partners seemed way more appealing to you

you all go out to dinner and drink a little bit casually and it’s all such good vibes

you missed hanging around with them all and it just felt so right

eunwoo rested his hand on your thigh the whole time throughout dinner, he missed you alright, and just seeing you so happy with all his friends? he was hooked

when the group parts ways, it’s just you and eunwoo heading back to his place bc bin is spending the night at his partner’s apartment

and honestly the tension is so thick between you two

you barely make it past the door before you’re both latched onto each other, making out and all that steamy stuff

after you have sex, the two of you are having that post-sex cuddle in his bed and your heart is pounding so loud

you: hey...I’m sorry if it was weird that I kissed you earlier at the venue, I don’t really know what came over me, I was just so glad to see you guys

eunwoo: you don’t have to apologize for that y/n...I missed you

you roll around so that your back is to him bc you do not have the strength to look at him in the eyes right now

eunwoo hugs your waist and pulls you in his chest, he’s spooning you and he has no plans on letting you go any time soon

you: uh...eunwoo, I-we-uh maybe we should stop this...thing from going any further

he literally freezes: ...did I do something wrong?

you: no! it’s...I...fuck I don’t know how to say this...I know we’ve been hooking up for a year but just recently I...think I have feelings for you...and it’s not fair for either of us to continue this if we’re not on the same page.

eunwoo: y/n, I–

you’re rambling now, you’re scared of what he has to say: and honestly you’ve become someone I really don’t wanna lose in my life. You’re an amazing person and friend, and I don’t wanna fuck that up by having feelings for you, especially since you probably don’t feel the same. I just...can’t have casual sex with you anymore...I’m sorry, it would break me.

you’re like trying to get up and you tell him that you’re going to go to the party your team’s hosting but he just tightens his grip

eunwoo: don’t go...please

you: eunwoo, I can’t stay here–

eunwoo: you don’t even know what I feel, y/n...why are you so sure that I don’t feel the same way as you?? because I do...honest to god, y/n, I like you so fucking much. the month that you didn’t talk to me was like hell and I don’t ever wanna experience that again. I missed you so much I thought I was going crazy...please don’t go.

you roll around and face him again

you: y-you like me? you’re not just saying that because you want to keep having sex?

eunwoo: I’m not just saying that because of the sex...I promise

you: so...what does that make us now?

eunwoo: well would you do me the honors and be my girlfriend?

god finally you two are dating

you realize that not much really changes after the two of you make it official

the pda does increase though, you actually hold hands and kiss each other in public now

and you two are more cutesy with each other

yes astro pretends to gag whenever they see you act all coupley

petnames!! you call each other baby, sometimes you call him minnie!! as in dongminnie !! im screaming!!

a poster couple, the basketball player and the cheerleader

literally when you’re both wearing your uniforms and you kiss each other, it’s like one of those teen movies

lots of forehead kisses especially right before bed

eunwoo’s a clingy cuddly boy, especially now that you two are together

lots of study dates?? he is a scholar after all

you’re each other’s biggest supporters !! you always go to all of his recitals and basketball games, he always goes to your competitions

he’s very soft okay, will never stop showing you off or telling you how much you mean to him and how much he loves you

the first I love you came shortly in the relationship, and that’s because you’ve known each other a year prior and the feelings were really just building up since then

you were in the piano room again and he was just playing for fun, but you always loved hearing him ~tickle those ivories~

he was playing a song and singing along and you swear you had heart eyes for him, his voice was so soft and gentle and just wow

you’re sitting next to him and you just hug his waist while he’s playing

eunwoo’s smiling so wide and then he’s singing to you 

he doesn’t even get to finish the song, because you’re grabbing his face and kissing him 

he’s laughing in between kisses and you can’t help but laugh with him

grrr he’s so cute!

and then you two are just looking at each other

eunwoo: hm? 

you: I love you, minnie

he doesn’t miss a beat: I love you too, y/n

you and him have a lot of deep talks together, especially right before bed

it’s the time when he can just let out all the frustrations of the day and just be with you

he actually holds a lot of pressure and worries, but knowing that you’re by his side, comforts him a lot

the two of you have so many pictures together it’s so cute

eunwoo’s a bit possessive alright, not in the toxic way, but will he tighten his grip on your waist if a guy seems to be getting a little too friendly with you? yeah

not gonna lie, you get possessive too, it’s hard especially if your boyfriend is cha eunwoo, he’s the fucking perfect package god dammit

you both tell each other that you don’t have to worry about other people bc y’all are just both so whipped for each other

but it’s still cute when either of you are jealous

he’s actually pretty into couple items, but it has to be like minimalistic-style

like matching plain color hoodies or matching pajama sets

will not wear a “he’s mine, she’s mine” shirt or something

but it’s okay bc neither would you sksksk

will he wink at you if he makes a three pointer during his game? yeah.

literally loves when you wear his clothes or fuck, his jersey?? a turn on

and here we go !! I’ve been talking about sex so much but let’s get into it !!

in the beginning, like before you two started dating, when it was just your fuck buddy friendship, it was sexy

and not saying that it’s not sexy now that you two were in a relationship, but before it was just lust

eunwoo’s a freak alright, you can’t convince me otherwise

he’s a little kinky

definitely into food play, you two use whipped cream during foreplay a little too much...

100% into anal

you know how much he loves ass, has a very nice ass himself

and we already been knew, but yes he’s an ass guy

s p a n k i n g

eunwoo seeing you in your cheerleading skirt? immediate turn on

will literally fuck you while you’re wearing your skirt...just your skirt.

alright alright, you have a hand kink...was it awoken by watching eunwoo play piano all the time? yes

does eunwoo use that to his advantage? yes

the amount of times he’s fingered you??? vaginal and anal??? lord have mercy

very much into overstimulation, will keep fingering you until you squirt

and yes im bringing back my the choking kink

literally if his hands make any contact with your neck area, even when he’s just kissing, you will drench

but ugh you and eunwoo making out and you know how he like cups the back of the neck?? i know y’all have seen it from the true beauty kiss scenes, and then it gets heated and his grip just moves to the front and squeezes and when your mouth opens in a gasp, he shoves his tongue down your throat

that’s so sexy

do you like choking on his cock? probably more than you should

does he make you deep throat until tears are literally streaming down your face? most definitely

he loves marking you?? it’s just a tell tale way to show everyone you’re his

he’s a bit feisty...will he manhandle you during sex?? yeah

eunwoo is a dom. I am 100% convinced that he is a dom, you won’t be domming him honey

daddy and babygirl kink...I said it...

okay he’s a bit of an exhibitionist...would probably be down to have sex anywhere as long as you don’t get caught

piano room sex? locker room sex? library sex? movie theater sex? restaurant bathroom sex? yes you’ve done it all

will he finger you while you guys are having a movie night with the guys? yeah

eunwoo’s a tease, he’s a little shit, will tease you until you’re literally in tears begging for him to just do something

favorite position is doggy, it’s the view of the ass for him

although you two both do like experimenting different positions, especially if it has to do with “training your flexibility”

will pull your hair while he’s fucking you from behind, and will plug your asshole with his thumb–don’t knock it until you try it...it’s...a pretty good feeling

sometimes wakes you up by eating you out

very much a giver ugh king

the type to grip your thighs tighter when you try to push him away from overstimulation just to force another orgasm out of you

believe it or not, he’s a gasper/grunter/groaner

nothing is hotter than hearing eunwoo groan right when he’s about to cum oooof grrrr bark bark

okay but soft gentle sex with eunwoo is so passionate

all you feel is the love and sincerity, especially when he’s just looking in your eyes

the love making happens a lot more obviously when you start dating

he’s just so in love with you alright

gives the best and sweetest after care ugh

cleans you up, gives you massages especially if it was a rough session, cuddles you, draws you a bath, brings you water, everything

always makes sure to tell you he loves you after sex

i would risk it all for eunwoo like please ruin my life

anyway

ugh I just wanna put the idea of protective eunwoo during a party in your head

his hand is always on you. waist, thigh, shoulder, anywhere casually

you don’t fight?? but you do argue

arguing is healthy, and you both would rather let it out and bicker with each other in the moment than let it bottle in and build up into something worse

but when you do have a disagreement, no matter how big or small, you two always make sure to never go to bed angry with each other

communication is very important for the both of you

you’re his better half :’) all the things eunwoo struggles with, you help him with it and vice versa

he figured out you were the one for him during one of your deep late night pillow talks

he was worried about what he’d do in the future after graduating, like he was genuinely having a crisis about it

but you just talked so calmly to him: baby, no matter where you end up after graduation or what you end up doing, you’re going to be fine. You’re such a hard worker and I know that you’ll succeed...no matter what, I’ll be here for you minnie. I believe in you, you’re future is going to be great.

and he just kisses you so sweetly: will you be in my future, baby?

you’re smiling and you just giggle at him: if you want me to be...I’d love to be a part of it.

ugh y’all are so whipped for each other !!

astro always teasing you two, even when you’re all older

you and eunwoo are equally ticklish so basically y’all are fucked when they wanna mess with you

both of your families love you and him instantly

they push marriage immediately after you both graduate college

even astro’s like: we know you two are probably gonna tie the knot first...when’s the wedding?

not gonna lie, you and eunwoo probably get married probably 2-3 years after college, pretty young age

sidenote: eunwoo 100% cries at your wedding, especially when he sees you walking down the isle in your dress

and he has huge baby fever so you bet y’all had kids fairly young too

the best dad !! ugh he loves kids !! ugh so domestic

im just gonna say, y’all have beautiful children

trusts bin and jinjin to babysit your kids the most...he’s scared of the rest of the boys watching over his children

anyway eunwoo literally deserves the world and I just?? love him so much?? happy ending yay hehe

_________________________________________

2-21-21

#college bf!eunwoo #college bf!astro #cha eunwoo #eunwoo #dongmin #lee dongmin #astro #astro eunwoo #eunwoo scenarios #eunwoo fluff #eunwoo fic #eunwoo smut #eunwoo au #eunwoo headcanons #astro scenarios #astro fluff #astro fic #astro smut #astro au #astro headcanons

[poppy-metal]

okay i know you're rightfully on some maid eren shit which is VALID and i LOVE it but i have this bully eren idea my friend gave me and on god i am about to BUST i have to share it with SOMEONE. it's part of my shitty nightmare craigslist roommate eren yeager cinematic universe i have in my head

you don't have to respond to this, even keep it to yourself if you like it, but i just! have to get it off my chest. i might post it to my blog but i just feel like you would appreciate it, so i wanted an opinion from the CHRIST of eren yeager headcannons themselves.

so my friend and i were shooting off some headcannons and we came up with this idea and one second i just need a moment to recuperate myself and that's super shitty NIGHTMARE craigstlist roommate eren yeager and when i tell you it has RUINED my life i mean it has RUINED my life.

ALSO I HAVE NEVER SUBMITTED MY SMUT HEADCANNONS TO SOMEONE BEFORE? SO IDK THE ETTIQUITTE SO I AM SO SORRY IF I MADE U UNCOMFY. IF I HAVE PLZ IGNORE ME.

- so like imagine, you're hard up for a roommate and so you hit up craiglist b/c you know the state of the economy is absolute SHIT and you are kind of in a rush. you end up moving into this two bedroom apartment with some dude on craigslist (eren) whose roommate just moved out.

- you don't know it but eren can't keep a roommate to save his LIFE. it's because he's just such an AWFUL roommate. like plays videogames all day. homie has a shit ton of money but literally NOBODY knows where it comes from or where he works. he just disappears and comes back he says it's "work" but never actually says where he works.

- throws his feet up on the coffee table and shit, doesn't wipe off his feet when he comes into the apartment, leaves cups out, just does not pick up after himself. eats the last bit of your food but gets mad when you do the same to him, uses your extra toothbrushes, just overall leaves a mess.

- the worst part? his room is IMMACULATE. he is FULLY capable of keeping clean, he just likes to crack open a can of whatever the fuck he drinks on the couch, throw his feet up on the table, and watch you bend over and pick up stuff in an angry huff with very steely eyes. this man's eyes are on you ALL the time.

- for the most part u put up w/ it because you're just that hard up for a roommate, but the final straw is when he leaves his dishes in the sink for like a week straight

- you storm from the kitchen into the living room in an absolute angry huff, face scrunched up from anger, and start just laying into him about doing the fucking dishes like "it's just not that hard!"

- the entire time you're raving, he just sits back - hands behind his head. "you done?"

- stands up, puts all the dishes up - in a way that you HATE that's not even CORRECT because he has studied the way that you put up the dishes like in the few months he's made living for you hell he has picked up on your small habits.

- now he's sitting down on the couch again and you're still ranting and raving at him. he looks super pissed off now.

- also did i mention the sexual tension between u two is IMMACULATE?

- while you're in the middle of raving, kicks over his soda that's on the table and gets it all over the carpet.

- now you're pissed and just raving and bitching. because who the fuck does that?

- pushes u on ur knees, bends you over, presses his cock into your ass and keeps u there for a second - grabs a rag from the table, stuffs it in ur mouth, and know what this fucker says?

- "clean it up. you might want to get further on your hands and knees -" presses his cock into you, which is obviously very hard against u, "make sure to get nice and deep in there"

- leaves to go to his room leaving u shook as fuck. obviously u clean it up b/c holy fuck

- tension builds up over the next several weeks and u get closer to levi and erwin, ur local next door gays (or roommates, depending on if u ship them or not). levi won't admit it but he loves u a lot and so does erwin.

- eren being really unhappy b/c ur spending so much time with the next door neighbors and not letting him terrorize you

- starts banging on levi's door one day, demanding to know where u r. levi answers the door. obviously he can see you over levi's short ass head but homie is a real one and is like "she's not here"

- "i can see her she's right -"

- levi wacks eren several times with the broom until he goes away.

- so u come in late that same night and homie is seething. this is where the sexual tension BUSTS.

- so u open the fridge bc you're looking for water, right, bent over and he comes in b/c he heard u come in (he's been waiting for u to come back all night).

- very stealthily slips behind you, presses his crotch against ur ass, and gives a nice comfortable shove - wedging u in the fridge

- reaches over u, his chest pressed against u, grabbing the water you wanted.

- sits there with his crotch pressed into u, slowly drinking the water while ur sitting there, squirming, trying to press ur way out of the fridge, but his hips have you pinned there. u don't know why ur turned on but holy HELL you're turned on. ur pressing ur ass into him and everything, trying to grind into him a bit. you claim to do it b/c ur trying to push him off but he knows why you're really doing it. the entire time u r stuck there, water from the shelf above is just dripping on you. it's cold as fuck bro and ur nipples? hard b/c it's cold.

- gets halfway through the water and go "i don't think i want to drink it anymore" dumps the other half of the water on u.

- you are dripping in water, t-shirt clinging to u. homie is marveling at how tight ur shirt is clinging to you, how cold you r when ur shivering.

- pulls you up by the neck from behind and closes the fridge so he can press u against it

- he's whispering in ur ear, asking if u had fun fucking the neighbors b/c "you seem like the kind of slut who would enjoy something like that". it's not like that at all but homie is a jealous guy.

- oh yeah did i mention he's a jealous guy?

- has his fingers in his mouth while he fucks you from behind for the first time, head pressed against your work schedule that's pinned to the fridge, asking you a slew of shit like

- "do you like that?"

- "i bet you like cleaning up after me like a lil maid"

- i mean he is absolutely ROCKING you against that fridge, fingers in your mouth snapping his hips against urs

- "you've just been playing coy w me the entire time, i bet u've been thinking about this for months - i know you have. i can see the way u bend over to put on a show for me when you clean up after my mess like a good lil housewife. good girls just don't wear panties like that and bend over not expecting to get fucked. bet you been waiting for this, dirty whore" ext. ext. ext.

anyways i am so sorry if this made you uncomfortbale?

again, haven't submitted anything like this in my life before?

oop.

thank u for ur time.

#ask #EXCUSE ME???? #HELLO #U SENT TBIS TO ME FOR FREE??? #Im so turned oh my god #HIM HOLDING U AGAINST THE FRIDGE #JUST HIM BEING A MENACE OH MY GOD #CALLING U A MAID #FUCK #eren jaeger smut #bc this is a whole drabble in itself

[fruityutas]

requested ~ for anon

roommate!hendery x gn!reader

genre ~ e2l, fluff

not proofread

synopsis ~ hendery was a pain in the ass, but you couldn’t afford to move out. what if he was being a pain bc he liked you?

warnings ~ cursing

the front door slams shut, tearing you from your study session. you sigh in annoyance.

“hendery! can you please not slam the fucking door when you come home?” you yell it through your closed door, imagining the roll of his eyes. you barely hear him mumble a reply, his bedroom door closing soon after. hendery was your roommate, and he was an absolute shithead. he always found ways to piss you off, whether it be loud music at ungodly hours of the night or leaving his dirty dishes in the sink.

you decide you’ve had enough when he turns his loud music on. he knows you’re studying right now, you’ve told him your schedule many times before. you huff and stomp over to his door, ready to knock angrily, when the music stops. you stay put, being as quiet as you could. you could hear him speaking through the door.

“i can’t just tell them, they kinda hate me man.” hendery’s exasperated voice flows through the cracks of the door. what is he talking about? “i only do all that so maybe they’ll come and talk with me, and ya’know... i could say something.” you can’t hear what the other person is saying, no matter how hard you try. “because that’s just the plan i came up with i dunno man!” you sigh and knock on his door, asking to come in. “ah shit... i’ll call you back. uh, come in!”

“what in the world are you doing? i’m trying to study and you decide to play loud ass music. it’s like you want me to be angry with you!” he usually has something smart to say back but it’s silent this time. you give him a pointed look, waiting for an answer.

“well the thing is... um i just really...”

“kunhang please spit it out.” he blushes and avoids eye contact with you, fidgeting with his hands.

“i just, really.. like you.” you catch what he said. you stand in front of him, stuck in place. was he talking about you on the phone?

“you... like me?” he nods nervously. “then why in the hell do you go out of your way to annoy me? to get my attention?” another nod from the boy. you walk over to him and grab his hand. “you know, you could have just told me. i kinda... i think i like you too, but you always make it hard for me to want to talk to you. so how about we start over?”

“i think that’s a good idea, y/n.” he pulls you closer into a hug, and whispers in your ear. “i think you look pretty when you’re mad, by the way.”

#nshitty frathouse #neoturtles #nct #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct drabbles #wayv #wayv scenarios #wayv imagines #hendery #hendery x reader #hendery scenarios

[alexawynters]

TW

Venting. Don’t take this too seriously it’s fine I’m fine.

So my recent ex gf of 8 months (I count the time we were fucking around as well as dating bc let’s not lie I caught feels early because I’m pathetic) who broke up with me a little over two months ago is now hooking up with one of my closest friends.

Its cool. I still cry myself to sleep, have nightmares, and wake up crying throughout the night but it’s fine. I spend more time drunk than sober (I had been doing so well! It was two years since I was last an alcoholic) and replaying every red flag, every moment where I thought to myself “you know, I don’t think she really likes me, you don’t treat the people you like this way right?” And then my dumb desperate ass was like “no we’re going to overlook this because surely she would tell me right? Besides I’m asking for too much, I should just be grateful she even expressed any interest at all. Stop being needy. Stop asking for anything other than what she is giving you because you’re lucky she’s even with you, what’s wrong with you?

Like. The first two months we were together? I called my besties every other week crying because I felt like a human sex toy. She didn’t even seem to want to do relationship things. I didn’t understand why she even asked me out, I had told her before we got together if all she wanted to be was fwb that was okay. But she asked me out so I was like okay cool. You want to date me. As in be in a relationship. I’m excited for this. Let’s do relationship things. We didn’t often do relationship things. We did sexual ones instead.

Then after two months suddenly the sex all but stopped. I thought to myself okay cool every relationship hits a plateau, and levels out. This is normal. Little did I know that was the slow death of us. The. I was calling my besties every other week again, still crying, begging to know what I was doing wrong. Why wasn’t I good enough? Why didn’t she seem interested but was still with me? What was I doing wrong? What was I not doing enough of, or too much of, or just not doing right? What was wrong with me that I couldn’t seem to interest her beyond the bare bones minimum?

I found myself begging for her to spend time with me. I lived with roommates who were our friends, and it always felt like she wanted to spend more time with them than me. I had to ask her if we could have some “just us” nights which, rarely were ever actually just us unless we went out. There were times she would literally, every five minutes look out the window to see when my roommates were home, and I was like ???? Do you not want to spend time with me? She would go to the kitchen to get something and be gone for twenty minutes to an hour at a time, having gotten distracted and hanging out with them. Which isn’t inherently bad to be clear but it happened so often and I wondered. I never forgot about her when I was leaving the room and got stopped for a conversation. If I knew I was going to be long I would text her to invite her or let her know.

I had even told her if she wants to just hang out with them, she could. I genuinely wouldn’t have minded that. Have fun with your friends, you should. I could hang out in my room and be me (I’m incredibly introverted, autistic, and have anxiety, and the living situation had me ~*stressed*~ out) but she didn’t want to do that.

If we were out on a date, she was almost always texting, or snap chatting somebody else. I always tried to make it a point to focus on us when we were in dates, but it never felt reciprocated. I brought it up and then felt like an asshole for already asking for just us time, and now to please not be on your phone when we’re on a date. She looked so sad, like I had scolded her. I would replay it over and over in my head - I tried to be gentle and polite, not accusing or angry. I checked my words carefully and ran them by multiple people to try to be as non aggressive and non accusatory as I could before I ever spoke them to her. Clearly I didn’t succeed.

She has OCD (nothing against it and I usually found it endearing) and would sometimes go into a loop. I always tried to help her but usually just ended up frustrating her. She snapped at me on occasions including in front of my friends and didn’t often apologize for it. Something my friends brought up after she did it in front of them, and I made excuses for it. She was stressed out, I would be too, stop being so hard on her.

She never planned anything with me, I always had to do it. I brushed it off as her having anxiety and not liking planning, but when she asked me “oh we’re still doing that?” for the trip for my nieces wedding in which I was taking her to meet my (extremely judgey) family, the trip that I had been updating her on weekly about the plans trying to get any input from her on, the trip that I had to pull in favors for and grovel to get the time off to go to? I should have said never mind and cancelled it.

She didn’t even help plan my birthday. My best friends did, and showed me the texts where they were getting frustrated with her lack of input on it because she’s my girlfriend and surely she would want to participate in that? Want to help surprise me? It was my first surprise party ever. I told her thank you and she acted like she had absolutely had a hand in planning. Meanwhile my friends all got together while she and I were gone to vent about how pisses they were at her for her lack of effort.

I have some childhood trauma and I don’t like to be touched sexually. I’ll touch my partner and even enjoy it but I don’t like being touched. It triggers me. But she said no less than three times to different people “yeah I’ve still never gone down on a girl or anything” which made me feel like I wasn’t being a good enough girlfriend. So I got sex therapy. I worked through it as best I could. Not for me. I didn’t want to be touched that way but I wanted my girlfriend to be happy. I wanted to do right by her and give her everything she wanted or needed in a relationship. Right about this time is where the sex stopped. She also stopped flirting or doing things she used to do before we started/right as we started dating that were clear indicators that she liked me. (I am an oblivious idiot)

I started to get worried. Why was I working this hard if she didn’t actually want to touch me? I was happy not being touched, but now I was starting to think something was wrong. I was starting to feel like she didn’t even want me. I started asking for sex as reassurance that she was still interested. Still attracted.

She called me a horn dog.

Not just to me but also later to my best friend. I was so mortified I wanted to jump out of the window and run into traffic. *I* was a horndog? All I wanted was affection and reassurance. She said her love language was physical affection and so was mine but she rarely gave me the cuddles I needed. I would ask her for “pets” - where she would play with my hair or just run her hand up and down my arm. This for me is intimacy. I had no problems doing it for her ever but she would get annoyed when I asked, saying it was hard for her to focus on the tv.

Okay? So? I’m not asking much, I didn’t think. I stopped paying attention to the tv when I was petting her. I made her my whole focus so she would feel loved. I mean unless it was like Harry Potter but I would be mindful to alternate so she wouldn’t be left out.

She only introduced me to one of her friends (who I thought was pretty cool but I worry she hates me so I just don’t talk to her now). At first I thought this was because she was in the closet. To be clear I never had a problem with that. I would never push someone to come out before they were ready and I hate movies and media that have the partner doing that. It’s shitty and dangerous. If she felt safer in the closet more power to her. I actively went to bat for protecting that secret for her. Sometimes our friends would forget and tag her in shit that would out her. I would be in their texts and calling them immediately explaining the situation and asking them to untag or take the post down. I’m not saying that as any sort of bragging. That’s literally the least I could do. I’m saying it to illustrate that I don’t have a problem with her being in the closet. But then she told me her friends knew about us. So I was like okay cool you’ve met all of my friends and are part of the group. I’d like to meet your friends. “Um.. they’re just really busy”. I mean. Yeah so are my friends and I didn’t mean like right now I just meant maybe mention it to them and we can some time schedule a hang out. “They’re just really busy”. Red flag but okay. Gonna just. Overlook this one too. It’s fine.

I spent more nights when she visited waiting for her to fall asleep so I could cry myself to sleep over how worthless I felt. Why was I doing this? Everything hurt but maybe I was just asking too much. Had my expectations too high. I’ve been told that before. Usually by people who have left me, those who stay (and my therapist) insist I’ve been asking for the bare minimum. To this day I still don’t know. If all you get is nothing , surely you are nothing? You don’t deserve to ask for more.

By June I started thinking she’s not happy with me. I’m not the one she wants. I don’t think much of myself. I don’t think I’m worth anything. I wrote her a letter that sat in my desk at work, basically saying that she deserved to be happy. She deserved to be with someone who sparks excitement, joy, and romance in her. Someone she wants to introduce to her friends (that she’s out to). Someone that she wants to spend time with and forgets about anyone else (within reason obviously, not like actually forgetting the world friends and responsibilities). Someone she is actually excited to spend time with and looks forward to. Someone that makes her not want to cancel every other date. She shouldn’t settle, even if it’s for me.

It broke my heart to write that letter. I was going to give it to her after her birthday because I didn’t want to be a sick and break up with her right before/on her birthday. Turns out she beat me to the punch and dumped me after I took her home.

I don’t know why I was surprised. The entire relationship things didn’t feel right. I always felt like I was doing something wrong. People in my life always seem to like the idea of me and then when they get to see the real me suddenly it’s like oops too much I’m out. Or alternatively they just.. they think I’m interesting and then lose interest.

My birth mother rejected me not once but twice. My adoptive mother was thrilled at the idea of me until I got to be about 4 and she realized something wasn’t quite right. My dad doesn’t care enough about me to stop drinking. Almost every single best friend I’ve ever had growing up has left usually because of some stupid shit I’ve done or because they’re embarrassed of me. Cheryl thought I was some monster out to hurt my friends (even when said “hurt” friend who was actually there went to bat for me and confirmed that I was literally just in the wrong place at the wrong time). Holly stopped caring. Brie never cared. Johanna only cared when she could use her affection of me to hurt someone else she was being petty with. Lissa only wanted someone she could bully, and even once she had me it wasn’t enough. Jerika definitely didn’t want me, and even my closest friend of 17 years Amy left for three months in which I genuinely thought she wasn’t coming back because I had the audacity to try to help her out of a panic attack. Jocelyn couldn’t stand me for more than a week at a time and roxii didn’t have the time of day for me after Americorps.

I feel like my whole life has just been a game of measurements that’s found me wanting. I tried. I tried so hard and I know I didn’t succeed I know there were things I could have done differently with my latest ex. Things I could have done better. I’ve never wanted anything to work so much in my life. Never tried so hard and still I wasn’t enough. I’m never enough.

I watched her, the woman that I was in love with, slowly lose interest in me over the course of about 4 months. Do you know what that’s like? What that does to you? The more I tried, the quicker she seemed to fade. I kept thinking if I just try harder, I’m just not doing, saying the right things. I read every book on relationships I could get my hands on (blatantly ignoring the parts that told me I should see the red flags for what they were and step away). I took notes. I watched therapy videos. I put to work every therapy technique I had ever learned. I wasn’t perfect but I was going to give this everything I had. Just once I didn’t want anyone to be able to say I didn’t try. I wanted to be as healthy, loving and supportive of a partner as I could because I loved her and didn’t want to hurt her. I knew that I had a lot of personal growth that I had been working on before I met her and I wanted to really ramp that up while I was with her to be good to her. To be good for her.

I’m not even mad. My friends say I should be. They’re mad on my behalf and I’m the one telling them to be nice, and defending her. Part of me thinks they’re right but mostly, mostly I think I’m just a steaming pile of shit and I deserved this.

I wasn’t enough. I’m tired of not being enough. I’m tired of fighting the universe showing me over, and over, and over, and over, and over again how absolutely worthless, not shit I am.

When she broke up with me I told her I felt like I was losing one of my best friends. She said we’re still friends I’m still going to be in your life and we will still talk. Turns out that’s only if I initiate and usually shortly after she shuts it down. So. I guess not.

I asked her one thing and that was when (not if because obviously when, I mean if you saw her you would understand) she moved on if she could just not bring the new person around for the first few months so I didn’t have to see it immediately I would appreciate it and she was like yeah for sure. I told her I wanted her to be happy and I meant it. I just didn’t realize it was going to be barely over 2 months and with one of my good friends.

To be clear she can date whomever she wants. I just thought there might have been more time between them showing up publicly and honestly? Even if her friend was single, interested in me, and I interested in her, I wouldn’t have dated her friend. Even if the positions were reversed and I actually broke up with her first, I wouldn’t have dated her friend. I would imagine that would hurt and I never want to hurt her. Ever. I just.. I wouldn’t have done it. And then she told my one best friend to not tell my other best friend or me and I’m like?? So you know this is a little shady and you’re still gonna?? Like you literally couldn’t wake a couple more months? Just til after Friendsgiving so I don’t have to come to a group event and plaster on a smile when it makes me want to stab myself in the heart.

Alright. Well. Good for her. And I mean that. I just.. can’t see that right now so I’m not seeing any of them. I heard the song Reminds me of you by Kim petras today “cut off all my friends because they remind me of you” and literally felt punched in the gut. Like yep. Too right. Because what am I supposed to go go hang out with my closest friends, where she and her new partner are, and fake a smile? I’m barely holding it together. There’s literally not a day in which I don’t want to kill myself.

Not because she broke up with me. Because I’m tired of being worthless to everyone I care about. Like why the fuck am I even here? Is this what I was born for? To be trash? To be used by people until they find someone better? Or to be someone’s quirky new friend until they find out my quirks are not an act? Or for people to think Im interesting only to slowly realize that I’m not and want nothing to do with me?

I think about all the things I’ve survived that I shouldn’t have and get frustrated because wHY? Why couldnt I just have died and been done with everything? I said to Nathan the other day that at some point I have to realize that the common denominator here is me. Clearly I am the problem. Clearly I am worthless and it’s time to fucking accept that. His reply was that it’s easy to think that you’re the common denominator when it’s your life but that’s just because you’re stuck in it. Idk man. I don’t think I have just extraordinarily shitty luck. I think it’s just me.

I am worthless. Not shit. To anyone. There are some who have stayed but it’s literally just a matter of time until they leave. It’s inevitable, and I’m tired of trying to pretend it’s not. I’m tired of trying to pretend I’m worth something to anyone. I’m tired of begging people to care about me, family, friends, partners. I’m just tired. So tired. Im tired of being tired.

Fuck my life insurance policy. The majority of the people on it don’t care about me anyway, so fuck it if it doesn’t pay out. It wouldn’t be my problem. Sitting here trying to think of ways that wouldn’t traumatize my roommates, would be guaranteed, relatively pain free, and wouldn’t put anyone else at risk. And then I remember I’m a coward and if I fuck it up then there goes what little I have made of my career, I’d lose my job (not that I’m thriving anyway), I’d probably be permanently damaged in ways that would then make me a burden to my parents.

Maybe I can’t kill myself, but somebody else sure could. I could find somebody abusive and just throw myself into that until one day they take it too far. That’s about what I deserve. And then my policy would pay out and the people I live most would be taken care of, regardless of how their treatment of me makes me feel. Maybe I could do some good in this world. The only good I’ll have ever done but it has to count for something right? Who am I kidding nothing I do counts for anything but I’m crazy and keep doing the same things expecting different results.

It’s funny. The one person who wants to leave me the most, can’t. I wish I could though.

Don’t take this too seriously I’m venting. it’s fine, I’m fine.

#God I wish that I could do that #Good for you #TW depression #I’m fine #tw suicidal ideation

[ohbyunhunn]

Good morning bitches I’m gonna vent for a bit first of all I fucking hate how my company’s director is in the staff WhatsApp group, trying to micromanage us when she doesn’t know shit about how we operate God sent her from hell tbh thinking she knows everything when she DONT every time I do stuff as we were trained to, she said I’m doing them wrong so every time I do it in accordance to her taste, I’M ALSO WRONG BECAUSE NOT FOLLOWING PROCEDURE honestly fuck you bitch I’m working on minimum wage with zero appreciation I even had to go thru a counselling session bc I didn’t answer a WhatsApp message during my break time do you fucking think I’d give a fuck abt doing things right in this economy????? And NOT FIGHT YOU????? I already did actually and her response was “I hope this is not how you talk to clients” haha bitch if they act like u why wouldn’t I maybe I’d also throw in a punch or two for that after sales service right wink wink

And then I came back to my rental house after a 12 hour shift, to a messy room bc my roommate doesn’t know how to fucking sweep the floor and she lives here most of the time (I only sleep here for 3 days a week at most) which means she’s the one who has more time to get her shit together and IT’S STILL ME WHO GOTTA CLEAN UP THE MESS THAT SHE MADE WHILE I WAS GONE honestly Idk how she steps on the floor, feeling how bloody dusty it is and thinking it’s fine?????? Her fan is collecting rolls of dust, the floor is coated with her talcum powder, 1/3 of the room is packed with her clothes and she’s fucking 30 years old with no common sense no wonder you’re still living at this shitty apartment and the only person you’re speaking to at night is your mom I mean no offence it’s great that you have such a wonderful bond with her but to still be sharing stuff like “mommy 🥺 i th-think this c-cute guy at work likes me uwu 🥺” at 30 yo, man I can only pray to God to make your life a bit more interesting, at least let you have a cat or sumn Idk or maybe a sex toy

AND I wanted to shower and use the toilet when I got back but yes of course my other roommate HAD to use it too at the same time and she took fucking forever doing Idk what in there and what pissed me off a lot was the fact that I am rarely here but Idk how every damn time I wanna use the toilet, she’d be in there, doing God knows what for the longest of time as if she’s the only person with a bladder in this house but yknow I was like ok fine the universe wants us to have the same potty schedule, no worries, its sense of humour is already shitty anyway so I understand so I decided to eat my breakfast first while watching a show on Netflix while waiting for her and oh my fucking— WHEN SHE CAME OUT OF THE TOILET SHE STARTED USING THE WASHING MACHINE AND IT MADE THE LOUDEST OF NOISE BUT THATS NOT HER FAULT SO I BIT ON MY TONGUE AND HELD IT IN BUT HOLY. Fuck. SHE THEN CAME TO THE SINK AND WAS WASHING WHATEVERFUCK WAS IT AND???? MADE MORE LOUD CLINKING NOISES AND OH MY GOD I WAS THIS 👌🏻 FUCKING CLOSE TO SMACK HER and I really can’t stand loud noises so Fuck me I just wish I can have some soju now and yeet myself out of the company and this house after burning everything down thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

#how much is too much cursing in one morning #oby brain dump

[fuck-customers]

Holy Shit Buckle Up Y'all

(TW: mentions of transphobia, racism, and self-harm)

A little backstory:

In November we hired three new people to help with our workload around the holidays, and we've kept them on. Two of them are very hard workers, have great personalities, and nice work ethics. The third, who I will be referring to as J.....does not.

She constantly asks to switch shifts instead of putting in for time off or changing her availability (said that its "inconvenient" for her to change it), if you're even a minute late to covering register for her when she's supposed to get off, she'll just abandon the register and clock out and then shop for thirty minutes, and she is constantly walking away from her post bc she's "bored" and "doesn't feel like working" when there are literally people in line.

So about two weeks ago, she scheduled for five days off. Sweet, shes learning. She then proceeds to call off the day before her five days and the day after. So now she has a week off. Dick move, but I can't say no one has done it before.

Her scheduled day back is a Wednesday. She texts one of my coworkers, P, and asks her to take her shifts for Wednesday AND Thursday. P agrees because she wants more hours, but all of us, including the managers, are irritated now. This is now nine days off she's gotten.

On Wednesday, I got a text from her asking if I could take her shift Friday. Now as of this point, I've been sick all week - hacking my lungs out, not able to breathe, but working bc we're short staffed (bc of her) and bc I need the money. I had Friday and Saturday off for the first time in MONTHS so no way in hell was I gonna take it. I just said no, firmly.

She continues to pester me, asking why, since I don't work Friday I should be able to, etc, and I kind of snapped:

Which, okay, maybe I shouldn't have snapped like that. But I was exhausted and frustrated and so sick of her getting to do this that I just couldn't take it anymore. I expected her to call me a bitch and then ignore me but hoooooo boy nope. (Names are blacked out) (and if this many photos aren't allowed feel free to delete this submission)

First of all, the racism comment:

She was buying cigarettes and even though shes a coworker, I have to ID her bc she's 19 and I can get fired for that shit. She told me she had lost her ID and asked to just put her birthday in. My manager said it was fine, so I did, and I made the offhanded comment about how she should get a new one so she didn't get pulled over by a racist dick while driving. We live in an area where the cops just looovvve to profile people (if you know Ohio, you know where) and I'd had that conversation with so many of my friends that I didn't even think about it, I was just concerned about her getting home safely to her kid. She didn't react negatively at the time, just said "oh I didn't think about that, thanks" and we moved on. If she had really had an issue with it she would have spoken to our managers, so clearly she's only bringing it up now to scare me. I just.....I mean obviously if I am being racist I want someone to tell me so I can fix my actions, but I didn't even think that came off that way in the moment. Maybe I was out of line, but the same thing has happened recently to my 16 year old cousin (he's fine dw) and so its been on my mind.

Second, no, I am not a manager. But aside from four other employees, two of which only work part time, I am one of the oldest members of staff (time wise, not age wise, I'm 23). So the managers put me in charge of a lot of shit, which means that I end up being in charge of people. Which apparently she did not like.

And third no, I do not have a kid. I'm not married, I don't have a partner, and I barely have the income to make half of rent with my roommate sometimes. I would not bring a child into this world if I could help it, and it pissed me off that she would imply that if I had a child, I'd be more mature. I wanted to scream at her and tell her that if having a kid makes you more mature, it clearly didn't work for her. I feel so bad for her kid; he's like two, and she's already constantly using him as an excuse for not doing things and not going to work. She lives with her mom and her boyfriend, so she has a support system (her mom is retired, and a very sweet lady). Like again, I don't have a kid, but all my coworkers who do don't pull this shit ever.

Anyway

I was physically shaking by the end of these texts, crying, because I HATE when people yell at me, especially when they know me IRL. And especially cause she was accusing me of some nasty shit. I sent them all to my manager in the least professional set of texts I'd ever written and then two hours later had to go to work.

My depression was up, my anxiety was through the roof, and as soon as our floater manager asked me if I was okay I burst into tears again. I showed her and the closing manager the texts and they were both appalled but then

They fucking started trying to "comfort" me by making racist comments!!! "Oh, thats just what her people are like" "you know she grew up in the ghetto part of town" "that girl is straight up hood" like!!!!

I was furious. I was so mad it wasn't funny, but they're my MANAGERS and i need this job and they're both old, so they don't think what they're saying is wrong. I tried desperately to derail it by saying things like "where she grew up had nothing to do with it" but they just kept going and I just....that made it so much worse tbh I just walked out of the office to do my fucking job.

A couple hours later, right as I've started to calm down, one of my coworkers started making really transphobic comments about one of our old coworkers who I'm still friends with, deadnaming her, saying that she's allowed to deadname her bc its part of her religion, etc etc.

Y'all I just....walked behind the photo counter and had a fucking meltdown on the floor. I dragged myself to the pharmacy to get their trash so I had SOMETHING to focus on and as soon as I got there the tech took one look at me and held out her arms and I just lost it again.

I go to my manager and basically just ask to do trash and go home. I was supposed to close, and I have left early only once in my life, when we were too dead to need me, but I had just mentally had it. I knew that if I didn't leave in that moment I wasn't going to make it to the end of the night without hurting myself.

She agreed, I finished trash, and got one of my friends to come pick me up.

My GM texts me the next morning (Thursday) and says she's giving me PTO for the hours I didn't work Wednesday night and for my day off on Friday. I almost cried again bc I was so stressed about the money.

Fast forward to a week later, today, and J still has a job, but she has now also called off 16 days in a row. Claiming she's still stuck in Texas with her kid (which was why she was asking to trade shifts last week).

I don't know how much longer my GM can hold out before firing her. I really don't.

Tldr; coworker asks me to take a shift for the hundredth time after calling out for a week, I say no (albeit a bit rudely), they start screaming at me via text, and I have a mental breakdown.

#fuck co-workers #fuck coworkers #fuck managers #tw: racism mention #tw: transphobia #submission

[lookwhatilost]

in case anyone cares

people who followed me winter ‘17-’18 may or may not recall that i had a rly bad falling out w my best friend, to the point where i seriously thought it’d be the death knell for that entire relationship. since i’m incapable of dealing w any kind of stress, my drinking, binge eating, and drug use rly spiraled out of control in that time. it’s also the time i got a lot closer to ev. definitely not a coincidence.

usually in this time period, i would start drinking somewhere as early as i could, and then go back to ev’s and we would kill fifths and order food and i had the disposable income to swing it bc i was still living at home etc. timing permissive, i usually would start at the brewery that i still frequent a lot, and around the time this all happened, a new bartender started there. it was always pretty dead at that time in the afternoons and i would chat w him pretty often and i kinda started looking forward to that more than the drinking? i dnt think i was crushing on him rly. i definitely recall a few stray thoughts after more than a few beers like “if only he was single” bc he mentioned a girlfriend on a few occasions, but i kind of chalked it up to the isolation speaking. but it was nice, yknow. made me feel a lot less alone. by the time i’d buried the hatchet w my best friend 3 months later, and i’d gone there w them, he was gone.

and you know how it is w bartenders, they stop working at a place you’re at a lot, and for all intents and purposes they disappear into the void. and i honestly kind of missed him lol. fast forward 6 months, i’m at a restaurant w my mom and sitting at the bar, and the bartender looks familiar, and he asks me if we know each other from somewhere, and i think a little, and i’m like “justin?” and lo and behold, it’s him. we catch up, it’s nice, i’m happy. i run into him there a few more times w my mom, and eventually he adds me on fb and asks me on a date. i’m rly kind of hostile and conflicted abt the idea at first, but i rationalize, hey, i’ve always rly enjoyed talking to him, he’s sweet, he’s older than i thought he was but i dnt think that matters too much. so i agree, but we both work a lot and weird hours so scheduling has been sort of like pulling teeth. so he sends me periodic msges like “i havent forgotten abt this im jst overwhelmed w my job rn” and i honestly dnt rly mind bc i’ve never actually been on a date before so it’s all very intimidating to me, and im also stressed from work a lot so it’s kind of a relief that we are on the same page abt that.

so friday night, kinda late, ev calls me while he’s on a date at justin’s job ranting abt how one of the bartenders put a lime in his drink which he’s allergic to and he asks me “which one is the manager you talk to?” and i describe him while begging ev not to make a scene bc he is notoriously a customer service terrorist and he’s like “oh. i need to talk to you abt something when i get home” and i was prying him for more details but he was jst like “you aren’t going to like it” and hung up. so i start stress drinking and i’m like barely coherent on the couch when ev and josh (guy he was seeing) come back to the apt. and ev describes the hell he raised at the restaurant and i get pissed at him bc i specifically told him not to do that bc he knows we are roommates and it reflects very poorly on me. and he’s like “it dznt matter. you know he’s gay, right?” and i’m kind of like Oh God, Can We Not Do This bc he’s one of those ppl who think his ~gaydar~ is real and impeccable and i’m kind of barking at him abt this when josh interrupts me and tells me that they overheard him talking to his coworkers abt bringing a boyfriend over to thanksgiving and how said bf got rly drunk and made a huge ass out of himself. and at no point in this discussion did he say anything to indicate that this was an ex, which is rly the part that i’ve been hung up on.

like i obviously dnt care if he’s bisexual, and i’d frankly be more comfortable dating a bisexual man than i would a straight one bc i feel like they’d be less likely to weird and fetish-y abt the whole thing like my ex was. but like it’s troubling to think that he might be w someone else. like i guess it’s hypocritical for me to feel this way, but w brewery guy, like there weren’t any secrets there. i knew it was what it was from the getgo. this time, provided this wasn’t jst a misunderstanding, it’s being hidden. at least brewery guy is honest.

i’ve been running thru it over and over in my head, and honestly it would clarify a lot, esp where his unavailability is concerned. if you’re having to balance this w not only work, but having to sneak behind a partner’s back, you’re going to be pressed for time yknow? but on the opposite side of the coin, thanksgiving was a while ago at this point, and “getting too drunk and being a dick in front of your boyfriend’s family” seems like the kind of fight that has the power to severely fuck up if not end a relationship. and like it’s been 9 odd months since we ran back into one another, so him seeing someone then and being single now could attest for the timing of this whole thing? i dnt know. like i’m very confused and hurt and i rly dnt know what to make of it all. haha. life.

#blog #it's fine it's fine it's fine #god's in his heaven

[silenceofthemongooses]

hi! I hope I'm not bothering you but I can see ur attending CU. I'm planning on applying to either the school of art or engineering, but I'm leaning more towards art. I'm really at a loss when it comes to applying, home tests,and the general enviorment of the school.. and what to do after I graduate so I was just curious on what that's all like :0 sorry for making this so long .. thank u for ur time!

OMG THIS IS THE ASK I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR MY WHOLE LIFE I LOVE TALKING ABOUT COOPER

i’m putting it under a readmore bc it got crazy long??? i’m not even to the part where i yell about applications yet and it’s like ten paragraphs lmao

so. 

first things first. 

i applied to cooper in the first place because when i took the tour (best fucking college tour i took the whole time, by the way. all of the guides LOVE cooper and they love telling you about it, so if you get a chance, defo go on the tour bc theyre way more honest and you get a better feel for the school than on any other tour) one of the things that they emphasized was the student community., one told me that once when she walked into the EE lab and asked to borrow someone’s phone charger because hers had frayed so badly it wasn’t working. not only did someone give her a charger, but they fixed her charger until she could get a new one. 

and when i got here, it’s totally fucking true. cooper is a community in every definition of the word. everyone is totally willing to help you in any way that they can, because that’s the kind of people that cooper admits and then fosters that behavior. 

now. the reason they foster this behavior is because it’s a fucking hard school. the standard course load for a freshman engineer first semester is 18.5 credits, spread out over 7 classes plus a professional seminar. and yeah, some of those are only one or two credit classes, but they still have homework and class time. it is a rigorous schedule that only gets harder. professor alan wolf (physics, more on him later maybe? i have him next semester, we’ll see if the Rumors are true) said at an engineering faculty panel that he wants physics to be moved to first semester of freshman year (instead of second) because the transition from “an easy first semester” to a semester with physics and calc 2 was too difficult for a lot of students. everyone around me groaned when he said the first semester was easy. 

and this is just the engineering school! the art school is hard as hell too. keep in mind that what i know about the art program is just synthesized from talking to art students and not at all from personal experience. but. 

the first year of art is a foundation year. they assume you don’t know anything, and break you down to basics. the art ra in the dorms said her freshman year was incredibly hard for her both as an artist and as a person just because she was confronted with all these other talented people and having to face that she wasn’t The Artist in school anymore. i regularly leave the student lounge (menschel) at two in the morning only for art kids to walk in, holding all of their materials (although, not anymore, since someone got charcoal all over the tables in 3a lmao) and settling in for another all-nighter. 

cooper is a culture of intense rigor and stress, and there is no overcoming that. but it’s also a culture of community and supporting each other. it’s a really specific kind of school that some people find just isn’t for them. 

also, cooper is like, really small. like. very small. here are some of the things you will encounter because of cooper union’s limited budget and facilities, and which you basically have to accept:

no dining hall. there’s frankie’s cafe in the new academic building (also known as the engineering building, most commonly referred to as the nab) but otherwise there is absolutely no meal plan. frankie’s has like, sandwiches and muffins and bagels and (terrible) coffee, but it is in no way a full college dining hall. 

no gym. i think at one point we were allowed to use nyu’s facilities? no longer. almost everyone i know belongs to a gym. i myself visit the planet fitness on union square maaaybe once a month when i guilt myself into it. blink is a popular option. if you’re willing to spare the cash equinox is also there. crunch is the one that everyone kind of makes fun of but like it’s super close so go for it if you want. 

small supporting staff. this is both a blessing and a curse. i know everyone in the student affairs office by first name and usually they know me. i think at this point i’ve met everyone in the financial aid department. cool, because it means that they know me. bad, because it means i’ve had to talk to all of them to figure out what the hell is going on with my scholarships and how much money i actually know. this is not a school where there are online systems in place to fix any problems you have. you have to be your own advocate to the administration, and as much as they desperately want to help you, a lot of the time it comes down to just making sure your paperwork goes through. good news is you almost never have to make an appointment to talk to someone you just show up. 

very little interaction between the schools. there are three schools. art, architecture, and engineering. engineering is by far the most populated, followed by art, then architecture. if i didn’t live with two artists, i would never talk to anyone in art or architecture. yes, the hss classes are multidisciplinary, but just statistically, engineers far outweigh the artists. there weren’t even any architects in my hss1 class. if you don’t make the effort to reach out beyond your school, it straight up doesn’t happen. 

sometimes when you go to the basics plus to get some hangers because you ordered too many shirts online and now they’re just kind of shoved in your drawers and when the cashier asks if you have a student id and you pull out your cooper id she’s like “oh! is that local?” and you have to smile and say yes and when you walk out of the store you can see the foundation building down third with absolutely no problem

there’s more and i’ll think of them later but this is good for now

ANYWAYS i have a lot more thoughts on the culture of cooper??? but i think i’m going to leave it here because this is a decent overview of how i feel and what the most important parts are. 

now.

for applying.

again, i applied to and am in the engineering school. everything i know about the art school is based on talking to art students

also, i am in no way affiliated with the actual admissions department and the following is just based on my experiences as someone who applied and talking to other people who applied

also at first i thought you were applying this cycle and i was like. honey. this is not enough time for either application

BUT THEN i put an ounce more thought into it and realized not everyone younger than me is a high school senior lmao

anyways!

both applications are really intensive. to get art out of the way (sorry art) it’s a series of prompts that you have to create a piece in response to. some artists i know got crazy super stressed about it, and pulled so many all nighters, and skipped a lot of homework to do it, and overall just did not enjoy it. one of my artist roommates, however, said that she actually really enjoyed the process? she just let herself create without worrying “is this what will get me in?” and felt that it was a really great experience. 

either way, you’re going to have an interesting experience. 

for the engineering writing prompts, it’s a goddamn marathon. there were nine, i think, when i applied? i applied to eleven schools and i had to write seventeen supplements. the ratio of supplement-to-school was way off and its all cooper’s fault lmao

there isn’t a word minimum, but there is a word maximum per essay, a fact i discovered as i was copy-pasting mine into the commonapp from my googledocs file. i think the max is 500 words? not positive tho don’t quote me

anyways they’re all fairly standard questions. like, nothing out of the blue like chicago’s or whatever. but keep in mind that this is honestly where you’re going to get admitted. a lot of people apply to cooper. and a lot of those people will have the same exact stats as you (btw, sat/act scores and gpa matter slightly more for engineers than for artists and architects) and the way to distinguish yourself is through your writing. cooper admits you as a person because they believe you’ll add to their community and then to the world, not because you got a perfect score on whatever. 

so i, at least, let myself be a little freer in my cooper essays than in any other supplement. some of them i could answer right away (why cooper? why engineering?) and some of them i had to think about for a few days. the last one i wrote was the “tell us about something you read recently”. i wrote about staying up until three in the morning reading a novel and crying. i wrote it the next day because i realized that’s like, exactly who i am as a person. 

the biggest tip i have for writing these essays in general (not just for cooper) is to watch food network star or something similar. the contestants get prompted on how to hook an audience (hey, you want to do that too!) in a short amount of time (word count) and tell a story that relates to both them and their food (a story that relates to you and and why you’re going to be a bombass cooper student) like, just watch a few, and then you’ll kind of have the flow of it down, and you can figure out how to work it into your own writing

just like, really show who you are. i know it can be tempting to put on this facade, and to a certain extent you should (do not, for example, tell them about the time you got so drunk you pissed your pants) but do your best to express yourself, in either application. 

um anyways i am always down to talk about any aspect of The Cooper Union for the Advancement of Science and Art, so if you ever want any more info on anything, hit up my inbox!

my points of expertise include the dorms, classes, stanislav mintchev the greatest math professor in the history of the world, ray’s pizza, sitting in the engineering student council meetings and listening to all the Hot Goss, and more

i mighttttt end up putting up like “a week in my life” post at some point because i always think those are cool and maybe it would be neato

we’ll see

(if anyone want to see that…… or anything else……. lmk……..)

#ask #cooper union #literally anyone at anytime should talk to me about cooper #i love this damn school #hashtag problematic fave

[whippedkoalas]

I love what ruby write about Chris and William talking about noora, I love to see William talking about noora with his friend bc it’s exactly where we can see how he really feel about her. I really want to see more about William talking about noora and ESPECIALLY the times when he figure out that he was in love with her. REALLY want to him confessing and telling this to Chris that he is in love with a girl for SRSLY and it is noora

Hi!

Ruby, look, you’ve got mail! (It’s about the tag, btw)

I tried to write you something, but I hope you won’t hate me too much, it’s quite angsty. It’s partially set during season 2, so… yeah. Anyway, here it is. Thank you for your prompt. Hope you’ll enjoy reading it. 

(I know the 5+ 1 fic is a classic but I really thought it worked well with this story.)  

5 times William talks about Noora

1.When Chris spots William on the bench, he’s smiling. He sits down next to him and looks at him. « So what happened? Tobias told me a girl called you out in front of the whole school? »« yeah » William replies. « that’s what happened. »« who? Why? what? Why do I miss all the good stuff? »« I don’t know her name, it’s the blonde girl who is friend with that girl you talked about. Vilde started saying that I treated her like a trophy and had a little speech about our hoodies and I asked her what was her name again. Then I told her that I couldn’t treat her like a trophy because she wasn’t enough or something, I don’t even really remember. »« Harsh » Chris said, laughing. « It’s the first thing that came up but, then, her friend, the blonde one, stood right in front of me and told me off. »« really? What did she say? Why did I have to miss that? » Chris asks. « that I was a cliche, mostly. A wonderful little speech, honestly. If you had seen her. She was beautiful »« wow wait » Chris interrupts him. « you’re not mad? »« no that was cute. You have to have guts to stand up for a friend like she did in front of the whole school »« and? »« and she’s the most beautiful girl in the world. Like honestly. I couldn’t even think about what to reply »« what did you say then »« I asked her who she was but she didn’t answer »« Okay. »« I need to find out who she is » « You want to fuck her? »« Nah Chris, I’m gonna marry her someday »Chris burst out laughing. « Yeah, yeah, if you say so »« Just watch me, » William says, standing up.

2. Chris knew that calling William because they had been beaten up by the Yakuza was risky, at best. He didn’t have a choice, though, because he’s the only one who wasn’t there and could help them.He expected William to be pissed, but not to that extent. He hasn’t said a single thing to him since Friday night. « Come on William. I didn’t know who to call. I would have called someone else if I could »« I know » « So, why are you pissed at me? »« I’m not pissed at you. »« Yes, you are. » Chris sighs.« No. I’m just… frustrated. » William clarifies.« Frustrated? »« They were looking out for me » he sighs. « And I wasn’t there. » « Bro, it wouldn’t have changed a thing. They would just have beaten you up too.»William sighs and shrugs. « It had to happen the day I had convinced Noora to go on a date with me » « how was it? You didn’t talk about it »« She’s so… lovely. Fascinating. She saw the date as an obligation, though. I don’t think there will be another one. » « Oh, hm… Sorry, bro. » Chris says, nudging William. « There’s our party next Friday, we’ll find you a cute girl! »« Chris, » he rolls his eyes. « No. »« Why? I’m sure Sara or Ingrid would be up for it »He gives Chris a disappointed look. « I don’t care about them. » « They’re fun and they don’t expect anything from us » Chris points out.« Then call them, Chris, » he says, taking his phone in his pocket.« And Vilde? » « Seriously? You really, really think that hooking up with Vilde of all people will help my case? » William says drily. « Maybe not » Chris agrees. « So, you’re really into that girl then? »« Yeah, you can say that yes. » William smiles.« I hope it will work out for you then » Chris smiles at William.« Me too, bro. »

3. Chris: Did you finally get it on with your girl ????????  William: NoChris: But you threw me out because she was still thereWilliam: she slept here but left before I woke upChris: And you didn’t do anything?William: NoChris: You tried?William: NoChris: ??????William: I take it slow Chris: And? how is it going?William: great, I think she might be more interested than what she wants me to believe 😏Chris: why?William: She told me that she couldn’t go home because her roommate wasn’t home but that was a lieChris: !!! She likes you William: Yeah Chris: what did you do then?William: we talked, she was flirting I thinkChris: William, you know how to TALK with a girl????? SHOCKING William: shut upChris: sorry but you’re not exactly known to talk with girls William: it’s different with Noora Chris: how so?William: I’m in loveChris: Really?William: 😎

4.The Penetrators are waiting for William. It’s unusual for him to be that late, but since their « Help the Penetrators » party, William kind of disappeared so they don’t really worry. When he shows up, the boys smile smugly. « Hi » William greets them. « Sorry I’m late »« Where were you? » Elias asks with a smirk. « I was studying » William answers, sitting beside Chris. « sure » Elias replies.« So? What do we have to do? » William tries to create a diversion. « Are you in a hurry? » Theo asks   « No but like, we have to prepare our Russ, » William says.« We have all night to do that » Chris points out, sharing a knowing look with the others.« You might have all night, I don’t. » William sighs.« What do you have to do? »  Seb asks.« You really want my schedule or what? It’s none of your business but my dad want to Facetime me » William says. Shit. He’s a good liar. William continues: « Do we know how much money we have from the party? »« Yeah, » Borkis says. « You would know if you’d have stayed at the party » he adds.Chris can’t help but laugh. « That’s right! Where did you go? » Elias asks William, trying to sound naive.« I just wasn’t into it, » William says. « Is this a questioning or what? You’re suddenly policemen? » « Defensive much? » Seb laughs.« You weren’t into it, okay. So it didn’t have anything to do with Noora’s disappearance, right? » Chris says. He can see the exact moment when William understands that he’s trapped. Great.« What do you mean? » William replies.« Vilde was looking for Noora that night, too. And Eva told me that she doesn’t hang out as much with the girls as before. Which coincides weirdly with your behavior these past few days.»William shakes his head.  « And? »All the boys look at him. « William, » Borkis says. « We saw her following you outside. »« Don’t play dumb » Seb adds. « It doesn’t suit you »« Just admit that something is going on between you two, goddammit.» Theo scoffs.« She wants to keep it low key » William admits. « She doesn’t want Vilde to find out » he smiles.« I knew it! » Chris says. « Come on, shoot! »William chuckles. « You won’t say ANYTHING to ANYONE, okay? I don’t want to fuck it up. Not even to Eva, Chris »They all nod. Chris says « Yeah, noted. I won’t tell Eva »« She kissed me on the bridge. Then we went back to my apartment. We’re spending time together. A lot of time together. »« And? » Chris asks with a smirk.« And nothing, Chris. » William rolls his eyes. « We’re just spending time together, for now »  « You’re like, official? » Seb asks.« I guess so. I try not to ask too many questions »« Oooooh. » Borkis mocks him. « She seems cool ».« She is.» William says. « She’s beautiful, man » Theo chimes in. William smiles and nods.« It’s like, the real deal right? You seem so smitten » Borkis says seriously.William looks at his drink and plays with his hands, visibly a bit embarrassed. « Yeah, I think I’m really in love with her. » Chris takes him in his arms. « Oooh, Will! » They all smile at him. Borkis raises his glass to him. « You deserve to be happy, man, you really do. »Theo smiles and says. « Before we get all sappy, just so you know, it was totally a trap. We don’t really need you now, so if you want to meet your girl, go »

5.« William! Where the fuck were you? » Chris shouts when he sees him.« With Noora » William replies.« Can’t you like, answer your phone? We tried to reach you so many times. It’s Russ time, come on. You will be able to spend all the time you want with her this summer. » Chris sighs.« Shut up, Chris. I spend my time however I want. You don’t need me to get drunk and hook up with girls, okay? » William says, harshly. « But you’re a Russ once in your life. You can’t miss Russ for a girl. You’ll regret it! » Chris says, rolling his eyes.« She isn’t just a girl, Chris! That’s what you can’t seem to understand. I’m IN LOVE with her. Get that into your head, bro. » he shouts, glowering at him.« AND WE’RE YOUR FRIENDS! We’ve been here for you for years, okay? We’ve worked hard for our Russ, and you just don’t care anymore. »« That’s why I’m here with you now. But yesterday, Noora needed me, so I stayed with her. It’s not that I don’t care, Chris. It’s just not that important, okay? » « Be careful. If you run every time she calls you, you’re not her boyfriend but her dog. She certainly can understand that you’re a Russ. » Chris sighs and takes a long drag of his cigarette. « Shut up, Chris. » he warns him. « We wouldn’t be in this situation if you hadn’t organized everything to fight the Yakuza when I told you to drop it. »  He shakes his head in disbelief. « You smashed a bottle on this guy’s head, not me » Chris points out.« You’re exhausting. I’m not here to fight with you, Chris, think whatever you want » he says a bit more quietly and then leaves.Chris waits for him to be far enough and then shouts: « She must be damn good at sucking your dick! » William turns over and comes back. He pushes Chris against the wall behind him. « Stop Chris. Don’t talk about Noora like that, ever, if you don’t want me to punch you » he tells him drily.« Speaking about a girl sucking your dick never bothered you before » Chris says, standing up a bit to show William that he’s not afraid of him. William sighs. He tries to breathe a bit to calm himself. « It bothers me now » « A cute girl with red lipstick looks at you and suddenly you’ve changed? » « Be careful, I might think you’re jealous » « Don’t worry, she’s not my style! » Chris replies with a smirk.Borkis arrives and grabs William by the shoulder to push him back a bit. « Stop. You really want to fight now? » he says. « Come on! Chris, William is here, now. William, Chris was worried sick yesterday, okay?. Here, can you just drop it? »William leaves. He stays with some of the boys and tries to enjoy himself. He’s worried about Noora and doesn’t like arguing with his best friend so it’s a bit difficult to get in the mood but he really tries.An hour later, Chris comes and sit down next to him. « I’m sorry, » he says.« Me too. » William replies. « It was a difficult week for me. I really thought that Noora wanted to break up and… I went to see her yesterday and she was really not in a good state of mind. I couldn’t leave her alone to go to some party, okay? I should have warned you, I’m sorry »Chris smiles. « Are you okay? »« Yeah, I’m fine. » he puts his beer on the floor and looks at Chris. « Chris, you’re my absolute best friend, okay? but I’m really in love with Noora. Like, really. I don’t want to lose her. I’ve never felt like this before and I need to do everything possible to make it work. If I have to choose between her and a party, I think it will be always her, you know. Everything seems so pointless, now. I’m sorry if it confuses you but like… Noora is a really great and smart girl, with a lot of morals. I fucked up more than once with her and she still wants to try so I have to prove her that it’s worth it, you know? She makes me so happy, man. I didn’t even know I could feel that way… I’m starting to feel like I deserve happiness and I want my relationship with her to work. You’re still my best friend. I’m sorry if I let you think otherwise »Chris messes with William’s hair. « Okay. I get it. I’m sorry I overreacted. » he puts his arms around William’s neck. « You’re my best friend and I will always be here for you. If Noora makes you this happy, then great! Of course, you deserve happiness, man. I hadn’t realized you two were having a rough time, I thought you were just fucking in her apartment… I’m glad you worked things through. Next time, tell me what’s going on. It’s the first time my best friend is in love so I’m adjusting, but I can be there for you too. » William smiles. « Of course, yeah. »« I’m proud of you, bro. Always. I’m sure she would be too. »

and one time he doesn’t need to

1.

William: I received an E-mailChris: When do I have to pick you up at the airport?

#noorhelm #William and Chris #The Penetrators #drabble #I think i might be proud of me #I'm sorry though #I just really believes Chris had a hard time dealing with W/N #Not necessarily because he doesn't get it #but because it's the first /real/ relationship #and it happened during their russ #the last she is his sister #it's not clear but it isn't supposed to be #anyway I also think Chris knows how toxic Niko is #more than anyone

[jacquclyn-blog]

hi my guys ! name’s honey, i’m 19 and i’m actively doing everything in my power to keep from going back to campus to get my books because that means classes are about to start and...yep, no thanx. anyways, i’ve been eyeing this bad boy and when i saw lizzie the loml got reopened i’d figure hell yeah, let’s do this thing, so here i am and honestly just accept that you’re never getting rid of me. beneath the cut is more on jackie, ofc, so feel free to hmu or just like this and i’ll come to you !! #buyrainbowonitunes

——— woah! wait, was that ELIZABETH OLSEN i just saw walking down mainstreet? no, of course not. that was just JACQUELYN VANCE. they’re TWENTY-SEVEN years old and identify as CISFEMALE. they have been in Alder Heights for TEN YEARS and work as a MAGAZINE EDITOR. i’ve heard they can be OBSTINATE and PEDANTIC on their bad days. but don’t be put off, because JACKIE can also be FERVENT and DISCERNING. no wonder people around here call them the AMARANTH.

born in los angeles, california, jackie grew up very comfortably; both parents are lawyers and during the clinton administration, jackie’s father served as the us ambassador of france. she was nine when they first moved, and was seventeen when her father’s run overseas was finished, and being back home was an interesting transition for her, since she felt like the odd man out considering she’d fallen in love with the french way of life, i guess? she didn’t really want to leave when the time came, but it wasn’t entirely up to her (her least favorite president is w. bush, 3 guesses why lmao) 

instead of going back to la, they moved to alder heights, since her father wanted to continue pursuing a career in government/politics, and it was much closer to dc than la was. her two younger sisters adjusted to life back home a lot easier than jackie did; she wound up completing the last little bit of high school online, since she’d had an accelerated course schedule overseas (she loved school) and would’ve rather been eaten by wolves than go back to public school tbh. she started classes at georgetown uni (rich parents lmao) at seventeen and for awhile, her major was in political science since she had every intention to follow in her father’s footsteps, he was her hero after all

and then somewhere along the line, she realized she didn’t really like political science, she liked having an opinion on and discussing politics, so she moved over into mass communications and her parents weren’t thrilled at all, they totally thought they were going to have a vance legacy and be able to start some family dream team thing and being the oldest, they expected her to be the one to fulfill this, and it definitely started a few fights but they eventually shut up about it just because arguing with her is arguing w a brick wall tbh — they are still slowly coming around, they’re not crazy about it but they still support her, things are Tense, fun times

so she graduated, went on and got her masters, blah blah, fast forward to where jackie finds the job of her dreams at an unnamed, v popular magazine (it’s unnamed bc i want it to be lmao, givE ME TIME but if you need a comparison, think cosmo) and she chased after it hard, like all she wanted to do was be a writer and after spending roughly two years as an assistant, she got promoted to a writer and she loved it, absolutely loved it. got to write about the things she was passionate about, loved the people she worked with, she was living the Dream 

and after a few years of just really, really enjoying her job her higher-ups were like “hey, we’re gonna promote you if you want” and in jackie’s mind she was like, hell yeah, more responsibility, more control, all the things she loves tbh and she took the job as the lifestyle department editor since it was broad and encompassed a lot of the stuff she’d enjoyed writing for and of course, Loved it...to a point

jackie is married to her job, and it’s highkey unhealthy tbh, she’s very very hard on herself and now that she’s moved up in the hierarchy of things she’s beginning to see what they ask of their employees and it’s not always stuff she agrees with? it’s a lot of pressure and she’s beginning to fall out of love with all of it in general, the writing, being responsible for stuff, etc and part of her is like fuck this, i’m over it but at the same time, she’s forcing herself to stick w it because she wants to prove to her parents she can too see their successes in the career path she chose

basically, she’s currently conflicted as hell when it comes to work and is currently a don’t ask, don’t tell type of situation

has begun doing freelance writing on the side?? she doesn’t post or share any of it since most of it is just her rambling and she’s not got that much time to dedicate to it as it is but it’s kinda keeping her sane in the moment and reminding her as to why she loves what she does

her label is the amaranth, one of my faves, which p much means that they’re hard to forget and leave an impression and that’s certainly jackie lmao, she’s got a very strong personality that makes it hard for you to confuse her w anyone else

y’all see the traits up there in that app....that’s Her. she’s the kinda person you want in your corner, not the person you want opposing you bc she will end you and show no mercy

is a sagittarius 

can sometimes let her emotions get the better of her??? she’s stubborn and gets conflicted very easily and that basically just leads to disaster, she’s great at making problems in her life that aren’t a big deal a Big Deal and what she wants, she’ll get it even if she’s got to step on toes or scream really, really loudly for someone to hear her; her parents taught her to never settle and settle she does not

also bilingual, speaks fluent english and french. usually only slips into french when she’s pissed so...beware

connections i’d love to see for jackie (but aren’t limited to, i just know it’ll be a hot second before i get a page up and running!):

best friend  —  self explanatory, obviously, but just give me someone who jackie can sit on the couch and drink wine with in her pajamas, someone who’s got her back if they go out to a bar, her go-to if she’s ever got a company thing and she needs a date last minute, someone who’s gonna butt heads with her when there’s a conflict in either of their lives but they still love one another no matter what *cue true friend by hannah montana in the distance*

sibling like relationship  —  another self explanatory one but jackie’s got a mad mom side to her, she’s v protective of the people she loves so give me someone that might as well be a long lost vance, they do dumb shit together, have each other’s backs, try (and fail) at matchmaking for the other, having a toothbrush with their name on it at their apartment, the works

summer flings!!!!! someone jackie met while she was on vacation or even off on a business thing and they like hooked up and she never in a million years would’ve expected to bump into them back in alder heights......except, she did

tbh just give me a friends-esque group of people for jackie where they all hang out and eat and act like their lives aren’t constantly falling apart, that’d be N*ce too

exesssss!!! the good, the bad, the inescapable, the ones with lingering feelings, the ones that swear they’re over but have a problem every time the other even looks like they’re about to go on a date w someone else, this is free range

college friend   —  basically someone that she met back when she was in college and was the first bit of american companionship that she’d had since she was like, nine?? like i said, she started classes at seventeen, and hadn’t really interacted with anyone since she did online schooling for her senior year; this could’ve been a roommate, someone she had a class with, someone that she met on campus and got coffee with, we can talk this one out obviously but you get the gist!

angst  —  idk what, idk how, i just live for it and i want it thanks

someone who lives near jackie and whether it’s really weird stuff like coming over to ask for some milk to put in their coffee since they’re out and forgot to buy some or they like hang out and have dinner together a few nights a week, switching off and stuff, i think this could be Fun

family friend  —  jackie’s parents are both lawyers and her dad’s been involved in politics for awhile so i can imagine jackie’s gone to her fair share of parties and whatnot, meeting clients and coworkers and all kinds of people so this would ideally be someone she met because their parents were acquaintances/friends; they could’ve met as kids, stayed in touch while jackie was overseas and resumed their friendship years later when the both of them found themselves back in dc, they could’ve met on the more recent end of things, they could totally understand the other’s pain and get along gr8 because someone finally gets it, they could lowkey hate each other bc their parents are rivals/ they’re trying to work through it...the possibilities are endless

and while i’m on the topic of past connections: jackie occasionally had to come back to the us and visit dc while her dad was serving as ambassador (aged 9-17) so if you’re interested, we can totally work something with that

a plot where they’re acquaintances at best, they’ve maybe got mutual friends and therefore they hang out a bit but they’re always arguing w one another for whatever fucking reason, they both probably annoy each other but they’ve got mad sexual tension going on?? maybe they act on it, maybe they don’t, but either way, they lowkey enjoy the bantering and being at one another’s throats even if they act otherwise

#「 •• 𝓗𝓔𝓡𝓞𝓘𝓝(𝓔) ; mun. #alderintro #this will not show up in the tags but Hoe well *throws confetti*

[cementpizza]

is it okay to ask what happened with your friends? maybe it will help to talk it out

i’ll preface this by saying that i’ve already talked to them and things are worked out now so that’s that.

here’s the setup: i have to wake up at 5:20am for work mon-fri. i leave the house at 6am and won’t be back from my jobs until 7pm that same day (if i’m lucky). and again, that’s mon-fri. i’ve been telling all of my roommates this and making a big deal about it specifically so they know that i’ll be asleep early, waking up early, and gone pretty much all day. i’m working 2 different summer camps, one in the morning/afternoon and one in the afternoon/evening, so i come home extremely tired. my weekends are my only free time and even then i’m likely prepping for the next work week, doing laundry/other chores/cleaning, grocery shopping, and preparing to move since i’ll be officially moving out the weekend of july 8th. so essentially i’m always busy.

one of my roommates had her sisters in town visiting and staying at our house, and she had essentially promised them a party at our house while they were there (it was like mon-fri or something). meanwhile, i can’t stay up late and can’t drink/get hungover (especially bc i work with children). my bedroom is the only one in our house that’s downstairs, meaning anytime there’s a party i’m kept up super late by all the noise - especially when people are drunk, which they were planning on. she chose wednesday nigh for some reason and invited all of our friends. knowing that it wasn’t gonna work for me. so i had to go stay the night at my dad’s house and not only miss out on hanging out with our friends, but take an hour or so out of my already tight schedule to pack my bag and drive over. during that hour i could’ve been cleaning, doing work that i needed for friday, sleeping... any number of things that needed to be done. but no.

so i was already kind of pissed going into the next day.

i came home on thursday after work and the entire downstairs (save my bedroom, thank god; i’d left my door closed as always and i’m really thankful that either no one went in or at least no one messed with my room if they did go in) was a disaster. the kitchen had dishes, trash, and food fucking everywhere. the living room had dirty laundry, trash, empty bottles, empty solo cups, dishes... you name it, it was pretty much everywhere. i could see stains and spills of various things that hadn’t been cleaned up. we have a couch that pulls out into a bed, and that was still pulled out from the night before (remember that by the time i get home it’s past 7pm). and the bathroom. that was the worst part. makeup spilled all over the counter and in the sink. trash everywhere. things that should have been on the counter, like the tissue box, were knocked over on the floor. the rugs were crumpled up in the middle of the room. again, dirty laundry scattered around the room. stuff was knocked over in the shower and on the floor. and my little bottle of bath salts that i’d opened literally the day before was 1/4 spilled behind the toilet, just sitting there in a big pile, and the bottle cap was cracked open. two of my other roommates were sitting out in the living room, watching tv, doing literally nothing to clean up the mess. i half cleaned up the bathroom just to feel comfortable enough to shower, packed my bag, and announced that i was leaving due to the mess. walked out crying from anger. stayed with my dad for the second night in a row.

then comes friday. i got a half-day with my jobs; i only had to work the first camp due to a special event day schedule with the second camp. i was really excited to get home early - about 1pm! until i walked in, and nothing had changed from the day before except for the bed being folded up into the couch; in its place, all of the blankets and sheets were piled in front of the laundry room. if anything, everything looked worse, actually. on wednesday and thursday i had been ranting to my 4th roommate about everything that was angering me in this situation, so i immediately texted her all angry again. and i took pictures this time. i still have them. but she told me that she had been doing some cleaning and that if they’d re-dirtied everything (which they had) then she’d be pissed off too. god, i was livid. it was fucking disgusting. it had been almost two days since their party and the house was still a wreck. i again decided not to stay at the house, but this time i made the decision that i wouldn’t be staying at the house again until it was entirely cleaned up. i re-packed my bag for the third time - for the whole weekend, this time - and also packed up a bunch of my non-essentials to start on the moving process. i was grabbing things from all around the house; all-in-all, i got probably 1/4 of my total moving done, if not more. after leaving i texted our roommate chat and told them that i was angry and not coming back until the house was clean (and to expect to see some of my stuff gone from around the house as i’d started moving).

it is now sunday morning and i haven’t been back yet. i was promised that the house would be clean by yesterday. we’ll see.

i honestly don’t care if y’all think this is dramatic or a petty complaint. i know i’m moving soon, but it’s still my fucking house too for the next 3 weeks or so. i still pay rent to live there. i deserve to be able to participate in plans with my friends; i shouldn’t have to leave my house due to someone else’s poor scheduling. my roommate should have consulted all of us and taken our schedules/needs into account before promising her sisters a party. that was really inconsiderate. and then to not even clean up the house for two days? fucking unacceptable. i should not be coming home from my work days to that, and especially not to people sitting around doing nothing when they were a part of the mess. i was absolutely disgusted and felt incredibly disrespected and angry about the whole situation.

so. that’s it.

#long post #rant #personal #anonymous #elly answers asks

[whatitdobabybew]

Anxious and stressed

I’m so anxious. It’s like I can never catch a break with myself.

I put what seems like unrealistic goals infront of me and just hope I can actually pull through it. Like right now I’m stressing another apartment because I’m unsure if my roommate is going to want to room with me anymore. Every time I bring the topic up she gets quite and I just can’t live like that, like I need to know. I need security I hate having my future up in the air. It makes me resent her a tiny bit honestly.

So with that I have this unreasonable fear of having to move back to my parents house and that’s something I can’t do. And I think that’s where all my anxiety is stemming from. I love my family. I do. But my parents relationship is so unhealthy and my father is seriously the worst person to live with.

I sometimes wonder if I’m like him. Like with my roommate. I don’t want to be like him towards her.

Sometimes I get annoyed because she’s just careless and doesn’t clean up after herself at all.

She was having a couple of glasses of wine with her boyfriend and then goes upstairs and leaves the glasses there on the floor. I wanted to call her downstairs and be like look bitch these are the things that I’m talking about. But honestly it’s not even worth it. She gets super defensive and has a nasty little attitude.( or maybe I’m just fucking sensitive) And I just don’t want to deal with that bullshit. I sometimes laugh to myself and think damn this is my karma, because I was the exact same way at my house. But I was comfortable in doing that.

Maybe my roommate is just comfortable in being messy. But I’m not. Don’t leave the living space a mess. Clean up. Even if it’s not your mess. She is so careless that she forgets her own messes and idk if I should just laugh about it or get upset. I honestly don’t even know what to do. I can’t talk about it with anyone because she’s my friend at the end of the day and with out her I wouldn’t be where I am. Like I have an awesome town house apartment with rent being cheap as fuck for Miami. I guess this is the price I pay. But it’s worth it. I would literally prefer having to pick up after someone than live with my family again.

Wow this feels great. To actually write out my thoughts. And reflect. It gives me insight on myself I feel like I can read this back to myself and then just give myself advice. I mean I give everyone advice why can’t I reflect inwardly and do the same?

Ugh idk I’m a mess, also on the brink of getting my period so god knows my emotions and sensitivity is at a all time high. I hate being understanding. Sometimes I just don’t want to be. But it’s common sense. If I think things logically and not let my emotions get the best of me then I’ll be ok. But that’s easier said than done you know. I’m a wreck if I can’t talk about things like this with someone. I mean most of the time I just need to talk to someone just so that they can hear me out and let me know I’m heard or maybe if I’m being to irrational or emotional, I need others perspectives from time to time but ultimately I’ll always side with what sits right with me.

Like the other day I did something I wish I wouldn’t have. I went to my superior at work because I was upset and felt uncomfortable with my manager. But lowkey I really wanted her to get reprimanded. Whatever she ended up not really getting told anything and then me and her had a talk and then I pulled tears out of my ass to just have her overlook everything. I know I’m a manipulative asshole but that bitch controls my schedule and my money. I don’t think I’ll ever do that again tho to be completely honest. Sometimes you just got to take the L and let karma or whatever force or entity you want to call it just take care of it. Plus she’s a mother raising her son and who the fuck am I to fuck her life up like that. That brought me a bunch of guilt, not only that but my roommate was pissed because she didn’t want to be in the middle of it because she knows how petty my manager is. I should have listened to her honestly. I wish I could talk to her openly about things but idk I don’t think she cares.

Oh and last but not least of my anxieties..... drum roll please .... ITS ABOUT A GUY.

I know surprising right? Haha

Yea so I’m obsessed with this guy who has been coming into the bar I work at frequently.

I don’t know what it is about this guy but I’m soooooo enticed by him.

But Venus is in retrograde ahahhhhhhhh I’m over it. Like whyyyyyyyy. Whatever I’m going to have fun writing this out so here we go. Btw there are two guys actually maybe three or four? Actually I really shouldn’t be stressing right now because I’ve just realized I have so many other options that if this one didn’t work out I could totally just go to any of the other guys and be completely content for the moment being. Whatever, I guess I use guys but I just want to be loved and wanted ok. I have major daddy and mommy issues.

ANYWAYS this guy lol

So it was just an average shift on an average day of the week. Like nothing significant or different besides that this day I actually did my make up and my hair was looking fabulous. Besides the point. I was feeling myself and was very confident somewhat. So I was behind that bar working it , I knew I was going to at least break $200 easily. So I wasn’t to worried about anything back there. UNTIL this fucking guy walks in. And my god when I saw him I just was like omg. Idk I was instantly attracted to him and of course like the stupid idiot that I am I didn’t talk to him at all. Haha I was way to nervous. This guy was so cute. He has such a gorgeous smile and his eyes idk I was super infatuated from the moment I saw him I even had my manger check him out for me like who am iiiiiiiiiiii.

Anyways I couldn’t tell if he was tall so I figured he was short so I just canceled him and payed no mind to him. Mind you I’m 5’8. I’m working the bar and my other coworker is talking to them and whatever and he’s like lowkey trying to get my attention with out being to obvious but come on I notice everything. Or so I think I do. But I pay no mind to him or his friend. Then as they leave I notice how tall he is and instantly my attraction to him grew. As they were leaving we teased them and was like why are you guys leaving and they tell us that they will be back. I didn’t really believe it like how and why would this guy come back he’s so out of my league. But guess what he comes back and this time with two more friends. Long story short I ignore them again. Take care of everyone else but them. And that’s when he starts saying things. He talks loud enough for me to hear him but then gets quite when I look. Childish but extremely charming. It’s playful and fun and I love a good tease. Even if it’s innocent. So whatever they’re talking to us and he asks me where I’m from, nonchalantly. At first I thought he was asking my coworker but then he was like no you where are you from and then I told him, then he told his friend that he liked “Becky” which happens to be my name. And I causally nonchalantly say yea most guys do, and I walk away lol. His expression was priceless. I loved it. Later we get on the topic of age and I tell them I’m 24 and he kinda seems shocked like yea no way. Then I ask him how old he is and he won’t tell me he just smiles and looks away and I tease him and tell him that he seems to be taking quite a while to tell me his age, what he doesn’t know how old he is? And he just doesn’t say anything so I notice that I put him on the spot so to ease it I start asking his friends and they go down the line and then when I get to him he asks me to guess, I guess to see what I think about him, and so I answered that he was 12 and moved on to his other friend and they all started laughing. That’s my way of flirting with him. So then they are all laughing and he tells me that I got the second number right, so I ask him 22? And he just nods his head and says yea and I just go all out and talk baby to him. I’m like ahhhhhhh how cute look at that face he’s only 22. I know he got shy when I did that but I loveddddd it. He was trying to show me that age was nothing and that he was a great time. When I handed him his check he asked me if that was my number and I laughed and said yea and him and his friend both went to grab it. Haha I was kinda like in shock by that reaction. But then I teased and said if you want my number you’re going to have to ask for it. Lol

His friend was like he wants your number just give it to him and I said he has to ask me and that I would eat him up , referencing to his age. And he was just next to him acting like he didn’t hear me. And so I write my number and give it to my coworker and she hands it to them and idk what happened I got shy and went to the back, I didn’t even say bye. I was scared of rejection more than anything

So they left that day and I just couldn’t stop thinking about him. I text my roommate all about him and she’s like an FBI agent, we looked up his universtity and luckily he was on one of the sports team which thank god Bc there was no way I would ever have found him. So we look at the roster find out his name and boom I find most of his social media. By the second day I just couldn’t hold myself back and added him on insta and he added me immediately back.... I was in shock. Then he comes into my job again for the third time in a week and he’s with his family this time. He tells his waitress to tell me that he’s there, so I go to the table and it was awkward af he tried to play it cool but I definitely put him on the spot lol so whatever he tells me he ordered a drink and that he wanted me to make it. So I do and give it to him. And then that’s it. As he’s leaving I see him and I wave goodbye. And he waves bye too and all his boys are rubbing his shoulders like he won something it was cute.

Fast forward a couple of days he’s in my DMs not to consistent but consistent enough. And we talk a couple of times back and forth. Then he asks me what my work schedule is. And so the next time I worked guess who showed up? His two friends, I recognize them and greet them and take care of them get there bill discounted and as they leave I tell them bye nice seeing you guys again, and just as they were leaving I tell them tell your friend I said hi, and they were like oh we will but he’s going to be here later we will be back. And then later came and he was there. AND I GOT SUPER NERVOUS AND MADE MYSELF SEEM BUSY. Ugh . He would call me over occasionally just to talk and his friends just ruined it lol saying he was playing backwards. That he was playing hard to get and I jokingly say well aren’t I supposed to be playing hard to get and he’s just quite put on the spot and I can tell he’s uncomfortable so I just laugh it off and change the subject for him. But uh he was winking at me and flirting so hard and I had no where to hide because hello I work At a bar that’s shaped like a horse show.

So whatever he leaves and I get kinda sad and am like wow you’re leaving? And he tells me he would be back the next day and well he never did. But then guess what today he went in and my coworkers obviously know who he is because hello he’s been coming in for me lol. And they said he was looking for me like looking around and I thought that was really sweet. But idk what am I to do? That’s it

And here I am letting it get the best of me. I start doubting myself like maybe he doesn’t like me ? Maybe I’m just way to over my head reading things incorrectly but then again why would his friends just say all of that. Idk I hope he comes in again or something I want to get to know him I want to know what’s his deal. But I’m super nervous. That anxious little voice gets the best of me. And I just need it to stop. I need to stop slef sabotaging myself. I always do this. I did the same thing with manny, I was doubting him so much, like why would he want to be with someone like me? And I demanded that he would tell me how he felt about me I needed him to constantly re assure me that he liked me and honestly, if I met someone who was like that with me I would really curve that like I can’t deal with that. So I don’t blame for that relationship to end the way it did.

So I need to stop. Just let things go and stop over reading the small details and just let things happen naturally, if he really is interested I feel like he will show it and I know I will reciprocate. But time will deal all of this.

I wish I could just get a little glimpse of the future or some reassurance. But I will never get that. I can’t think that I can control everything. So I kinda need to fucking stop.

So yea there are my lists of anxieties and what’s been occupying my mind the most. I would talk about the other guys but they’re not that important yet.