#c rambles

[drarrily-we-row-along]

So I was doing my annual dumping of fics from tumblr to AO3 since we’re almost to the end of the year and went to take a peek at my stats and

“A Kiss to Build a Dream On” has over 20,000 hits… how has this happened? Like how have this many people visited it this many times?

I’m just feeling really emotional about that. If you’re one of the people that has read this fic, thank you so much. My whole heart is absolutely, overwhelmingly delighted.

#c rambles #in shock #thank you 😭

[cardinalcopulate]

(18+ ahead; gender neutral)

thinking. thinking about copia eating you out for the first time. thinking about him being excited but oh so anxious because he's been wanting to do it for so long and doesn't wanna fuck it up. his hands tremble when he runs them up your thighs. he licks his lips before trailing kisses everywhere except the place you need his mouth the most. his long nose dragging against your sensitive skin. his mustached upper lip twitching as he tries to control himself and take his time when he finally puts his head between your legs. but he just...can’t. the moment your scent hits him, the second his tongue touches you in a tentative taste, he loses himself. he just buries his face into you and eats you out with so much passion and fervor. his tongue would lick long stripes up and around your hole, dipping inside occasionally. he'd devour you like it's his lifeline. his nose bumping against you in all the right ways. his sideburns leave a delicious burn on your flesh. whether he's eating pussy or ass, he'd give it everything he has and never want to stop.

#hi im alive #just busy and uninspired #but ive had copia on the brain alot as per usual #should i post a little drabble about this on ao3? #c rambles #the band ghost #ghost band #papa emeritus iv #cardinal copia #ghost #ghost fanfiction #the band ghost fanfiction #ghost fanart #papa emeritus iv x reader #cardinal copia x reader

[justpassingbyoursht]

across the spiderverse spoilers!!

the whole Miles being an anomaly bc he was bitten by a spider from another universe got me thinking... Miles from 1610 was bitten by the 42 spider... and yet he is fine? you’re telling me he got alternate universe spider venom shot into his veins and that in itself is fine?? It did not fuck him up even a little bit? he is stable?? should he not be glitching on the principle of having alternate dimension spider gunk running in his veins???

That machine that sent things back to their correct universes by reading their dna read Miles 1610 dna and saw the 42 spider dna in him... how can those two things co-exist when beings from different universes glitch when in an universe that is not their own??? shouldn’t that have potentially out right killed him??

Miles is an anomaly. He should not exist. and yet he does . . .

if this is not a set up for new dimension/alternate universe/reality bending powers i—

#atsv spoilers #atsv #across the spiderverse #across the spider-verse #if they dont explore this idea i will be very disappointed #its right there #thonk emoji 🤔 #i suppose the fact he is a mile morales might help. since 42 miles was meant to get it but still #also very interesting how even to this level he is an anomaly #also makes you wonder wtf went wrong with miguel's. theres stuff we dont know yet about how universes come apart #also also. look at spot for reference. he got mixed up with that machine and came out all wrong #the machine built for dimensional/au travel. sure there was that open rift between realities or whatever #how is alternate universe spider juice just peacefully chillin in his veins like that? #he just got some spider powers from that... just /normal/ spider powers... suuure #c rambles #spiderman

[thecarefulcatalyst]

"How long do you think Wammy's would last if we were left wholly unsupervised? Because I'm imagining ritual offerings and the building burning down..."

#c rambles

[blindedbythedarkness]

Am I sad I never knew how good and simple and safe life was back before 2020? Yes.

Am I mad that I took it for granted? No, because someone with hope could never imagine a world like this.

#c rambles #grief #grieving #mourning #loss #bereaved #bereavement #covid #covid conscious #covid cautious #covid-19 #pandemic #covid isnt over #covid is not over #sars cov 2 #sars2 #wear a mask #clean the air #long covid #shielding #depressed #depression #suicidal #suicidal thoughts #depression thoughts

[wmjustyellowmw]

just realized i forgot to change my age on here even though my birthday was months ago....

#woopsie #c rambles

[fostopia]

hi............. if you are up to it i would very much like hearing about your ocs

** 11/20/23 edit: IM USING THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO POST THIS

* Funfact! I only remembered about this ask now because my friend asked me about the same ocs and it came to mind so I’m picking the old draft back up

Anon you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into

Fun fact about me dear readers I have over 278 oc’s (11/20 edit: now 347) and counting all are fully developed too. However, we’re gonna focus on the ones I posted previously

The ask to make my day OKAY

BACKGROUND

Was on a whiteboard with a bud and he made the joke about throwing a baby he was holding, I told him to do it and drew ‘C supports baby throwing’ which lead to the "#cforpresident" hashtag being drawn by him. This silly little thing promptly dissolved into a full fledged au because none of us are capable of being normal

There’s three universes sorta associated with this au, and there’s no actual name to it— it just.. exists.

PRESIDENT C

The first version of this character in this AU, C (no real name here, just C) is the President [It’s sorta unconfirmed what the fuck he’s the president of but we kept making the joke of him being POTUS so maybe the canon world in this is just… our irl world.] My man’s Vice President is unconfirmed because my bud Sarah who ‘ran against me’ swapped to swat last second so.. guess there is no Vice President. C had a husband (Ace), got married before he entered office and got unlucky cause his spouse is fucking dead. He’s sorta just tired of this shit™️. In this world monster begins aren’t rare but they’re not exactly accepted, even more so if you look dangerous. C is a shapeshifter with his default look replacing his head with a ball of black matter; it’s an odd substance, as it gives off a look of a black hole but you could literally shove your hand into his face and bam your arm is in a weird kind of pocket dimension (this can only occur when he allows it though, so don’t try it you’ll punch the President.)

His other look, however, is much more human but simultaneously is used far less. That look is defaulted to a demon, and although he can change aspects none are permanently and he’ll always revert back to the demon look Oh yeah President C is morally good but he has cannibalized a vampire-bat shifter so, sometimes his morals are off.

His backstory is pretty sparse, I don’t have any ideas for his family life before presidency; he just showed up running for President and gained popularity real fast. He’s very advanced with his shapeshifting, he can use it to become people and even objects or full animals. His main team consists of Orin, the swat captain, and Sarah, who’s a rank below Orin. Sarah’s very responsible and very underpaid while Orin is horrible irresponsible and uses Sarah’s payment on Panda Express. President doesn’t let that slide when he finds out; but otherwise he has a good connection with them both.

TYRANT C

This one was a ‘what-if’ personality/role swap of the President C au; instead of being the morally good, demon presidents— Tyrant C (still just C here) is the morally corrupted, sheep president. Just like President, he’s a shapeshifter with the base for being the black matter head one; however he generally uses the humanoid sheep one more often as a way to seem more innocent and harmless— like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

He’s fuuucked up, his whole point is gaining power and he’s lucky that the force that follows him is so loyal. In this one he had a husband as well, Zander (Ace’s alternate universe self), however the two married purely for tax benefits, the fact that it would help C’s campaign to be a queer president. They were a tragic case of right time, wrong person. Although both of them had truly loved each other to an extent (C didn’t know what love felt like so he hasn’t realized at the time while Zander was constantly bouncing between love and hate) both of them kept fighting. Tyrant was the one to act first but trust me, if Zander had lived longer, he might’ve killed Tyrant first.

He gets away with it because corrupt fucker, however he quickly finds that he needs somebody else to fill in for the spot that Zander had earlier; somebody to bounce ideas off of— and who better to than his SWAT captain, Orin. Orin is a huge simp. He’s actually responsible here however Sarah’s personality doesn’t swap and instead she just doesn’t like Tyrant too much. So, Tyrant decides to seduce Orin to get him wrapped around his finger because really; if he’s got the swat captain he’s got the power of his team too… yeah no, he falls in love on accident. Then he’s forced to acknowledge that this is what love feels like.

He’s a lot less good with his shapeshifting; only able to shift between his void matter and the goat one with even that taking to much energy as he wasn’t able to use them as he grew. He’s a man cut off from the world, however not from sorrow and guilt the same way President did.

Tyrant’s meant to be much more complex than President; his backstory includes shit like abuse from parental figures, cult shit, and with him having been raised with so much negativity he’s completely convinced that this is how everything has to be. Violence and evil have always been his normal; he was a kid groomed into a mindset that never left until he felt something beyond anger for the first time. He’s fucked up, he’s done some real horrible shit, but he doesn’t know that being good is on the table. He’s at a point where learning to grow won’t do anything to reverse years of trauma and anger. Tyrant has regrets he can never voice due to his nailed in beliefs, he will never be able to fully accept that he had loved Zander, that the king sized bed in his home feels too empty. He can’t acknowledge the way he makes two cups off coffee sometimes, one just the way his fiancé used to drink his. He can never come to terms with the fact that he regretted killing him. He can never accept that he misses his parent despite their abuse, that deep down he wishes he were still their little boy oh so willing to help mom and dad out with their ‘buisness’. Tyrant wants to, really, he does. However, some people aren’t capable of accepting that reality. He grew up within a world that called him a monster, and he was merely giving back what they had started.

#c talks #c rambles #c’s oc multiverse #I LOVE THEM #twins au not included bc lazy

[captivating-commands]

Lips aren’t shown the detailed appreciation they should be.

Lips hold a unique shape, shifting and crafting the perfect picture as practiced sounds and perfected cries slip past.

The talent of them are what I’m hooked on.

The ability of your lips to form such twisted, cruel words then actually repeat them for my tuned in ears- it’s exhilarating. I get to watch how they move, imagine what they’d look like bloodied and bruised from a heated kiss, or broken and cracked from harsh winters, or plump and glistening from a gloss. I get to study what makes those lips curl back into a smile, or open in a wet cry. Their sounds are only half the interest; as unique and creative as they may be, there’s simply an under-appreciated aspect to what they do while producing said noises.

Do you understand what I’m explaining angel? Or are you too, falling victim to the addiction of viewing my lips as more than a vessel for communication?

I cannot wait to wring every last ounce of raw emotion and thought out of those gorgeously gifted lips.

#c speaks #d #c rambles #semi-sfw

[cryptic-sso]

tumblr is anti-sso wtf

#can't believe this #top 10 anime betrayals #but tumblr-san we gave you so many cursed images of the magic twink! #sso #c rambles

[charlewiss]

if I was a wag I'd have a tumblr too like you're all sooo talented i would definitely show him shit to tease him lmaooo

#wag talk ??? #never tagged something along these lines here lmao #c rambles

[drarrily-we-row-along]

Hey everyone.

Maybe some of you have noticed that my writing's been super sporadic since like June (if you haven't that's very okay) but I just wanted to write a little bit about what's been happening in my life because it's had a pretty big impact on my writing.

It turns out that I'm actually ace.

So, if you happen to notice an uptick in me writing fics with ace characters who still get to be loved, I'm just trying to process a thing.

Please feel free to skip the rest of this post if you're not interested in the harrowing journey of self discovery. I am absolutely giving too much information about my life, I'm just really working at processing everything and I'm hoping writing it out will help. And honestly, there have been some beautiful souls in the Tumblr community who have given me some beautiful encouragement (including but not limited to @basicallyahedgehog who answered an anon ask I sent them the other day with so much kindness and encouragement because I'd bawled my eyes out about one of their fics featuring ace Harry/Draco.).

(Anyway. If you want to read a ramble about all of the things I'm struggling with at the present moment, I'm gladly accepting advice and kindness at this time. Please read below the cut and chime in if you have anything hopeful to add.)

For most of my life I've pretty comfortably called myself a "picky bi" and in the past couple of years have labeled myself "demisexual" because I'm not sex repulsed; I've had sex, it was fine/good when it's with someone who I'm in love with. I moved on from the labeling, content with the label I'd given myself and whatnot.

It's been a minute (read: 8+ years) since I've been in a relationship that got to the point where I've considered having sex but I didn't really think all that much of it. In retrospect, I think this is largely because I've grown a lot in terms of self respect and honoring my own autonomy. Somewhere around 25, I started saying no when I didn't want something and if the other person didn't respect that decision they were not worth my time.

Anyway, it didn't really occur to me that perhaps going nearly a decade without thinking about/wanting to have sex with anyone (and without experiencing even vague aesthetic attraction to someone with only the odd exception here and there- some of you saw that post a couple of months ago, apparently just having the thought that someone is pretty isn't the same as attraction that allo people experience- so that panic now seems pretty unnecessary. It literally boggles my mind that people can just see a person they've never met and want to have sex with them. Anyway, I'm digressing.) Apparently, it's not a common occurrence even among demisexuals to go that long without thinking about sex if you have emotional intimacy with people (which I do). So fast forward to June when I went to a conference for lgbtqia christians and started listening to people talk about attraction.

To say that my experience of attraction and desire for sex is profoundly different than that of nearly all of the people that I talked to at that conference would be an understatement.

After that conference, I started talking to a lot of friends about their experience of attraction and their desire for sex (eventually this also included some new friends who are demi/ace) and have been a little flabbergasted by their responses. Suddenly, in light of the fact that my body doesn't interpret a lot of things the way that other peoples' seem to, a lot of things started to make sense.

I've been called a flirt (at best, and a [cock]tease in more unpleasant moments) my entire life because I always want to give people gentle physical affection; I love holding hands, touching people on the arm while we're having a conversation, playing with peoples' hair, hugging, leaning, the list is long- none of those things have ever felt like flirting to me. Every one of those actions was the end in itself, there was no artifice in my touches, no desire or even thought for more, but APPARENTLY that is not the thing that happens in a lot of peoples' bodies. It is incomprehensible to me that simple, affectionate touches are not something that everyone just wants to do to anyone that they harbor platonic affection for. This also applies to the way that I communicate with people. Again, I've been called a flirt, been told that I'm intense, been told that I'm trying to 'steal' peoples' boy/girl friends simply by being friends with them. APPARENTLY, showing "too much" interest in other peoples' lives and hobbies is flirting. APPARENTLY, getting really excited for people who are excited and doing cool things is flirting. Because (or so I have been told) the emotional energy I expend is too much to just be friends; surely, I have another angle.

Next, in terms of attraction, I experience attraction to beautiful things in nature in the same way that I experience it to people. If I'm being honest, nature makes my heart sing in a way that people usually don't. I can get caught up in the beauty of the world; the vastness of the ocean for literal hours, in the majesty of the mountains, the strength of trees, the way water carves a path through the rocks in glens and waterfalls. The world takes my breath away, it makes me weep just to exist in nature. Apparently, this in not everyone's experience of nature and apparently, many people who want to have sex don't think that trees, or bodies of water, or mountains have as much (or more, in my humble opinion) appeal than humans.

It's come to my attention that even the way that I have experienced heart break from relationships where I was "in love" and having sex is not the way that people typically experience heartbreak. All heart break feels the same to me; grieving leaving a job, grieving the death of a loved one, grieving horrible things that happen to my students, grieving the loss of friendships, and grieving the loss of a relationship feel like the same heart break. (Like some of those things hurt worse than others but the heart break over the loss of a relationship isn't worse.) One of my friends mentioned that I grieve the passing of summer into autumn (I fucking hate the winter) like the loss of a relationship and I wish I could say that she is wrong. I've been told my whole life that I experience my emotions too big and I just can't help but wonder if there is some sort of correlation there, but I digress.

The literal dream for my life is to have someone who wants to get in the car or on a plane and travel with me. Someone who I can make coffee for in the mornings and who wants to cook me dinner at night. Someone who wants to sit on the couch after a long day at work and talk about nothing, or watch a show, or just exist together. Someone who wants to dance with me in the kitchen, and hold my hand while we walk, who wants to smile at me while I ramble about nature. I want someone who wants to hold me when I cry, who wants to listen to me when I'm mad, someone who will remind me to take a break when I'm working too hard. The only thing that I actually want from a partner is just someone to do life with. It's not that I'm opposed to sex, it's just that it literally doesn't matter.

(So many things in past relationships, so many fights, so many of the reasons that I was left, so many things that I JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND make sense now. Or at least they're starting to.)

So. In the process of understanding this complete fuckery, of trying to put all of the pieces that haven't quite made sense in my life into order, in the end of July my best friend told me that she's in love with me.

And on the one hand, I'm fucking over the moon, delighted, honored, speechless, crazy-happy. She's literally the best person I have ever known, she's the kindest, sweetest, most loyal, loving, amazing human being to ever exist. She loves me so well, so completely, like all of the things that I said above that are my dream; that is her. We road trip together, and she lets me braid her hair, and we snuggle on the couch and watch movies, and we talk for hours (literally hours, when we road trip we go for 7-10 days at a time and I like do not shut the fuck up for more than like 5 minutes total the entire day and she loves me; loves listening to me talk about whatever is in my brain), and when I'm going on and on about how pretty things are in nature she looks at me like I'm the pretty thing (when I say, 'oh my gosh. that mountain, tree, lake, ocean, etc. is so beautiful.' she literally says 'you're so beautiful' and I am deceased, my heart can't take it, I can't fucking stop smiling- I don't even want to), and she lets me info dump about whatever I'm learning, and she loves my brain and my stupid adhd, and she plays me sappy love songs and sings them to me (and she sings in my car, sings to me even though she doesn't sing in front of people) and and and... she makes me feel like I'm good. She makes me feel like I'm all of the things that other people have said I'm not.

And I am constantly terrified of hurting her.

There are a variety of reasons we're not planning on having sex (partially because it's not really something that I want) that I'm not going to get into but I'm afraid of being what I've been to other people. I'm afraid of her feeling like I'm pushing her buttons because I just always want to be touching her (very platonically) like just having our shoulders bumping while we walk, or putting my head on her shoulder when we're on the couch, or letting our elbows press against one another while we're in the car. BUT what happens in our bodies when we're touching like that is really different. Like I described above, for me any type of touch is really the end goal in and of itself (if I'm braiding her hair, it's safe to assume that that is all I want to be doing. If I'm leaning against her on the couch, that too is what I'm wanting.) But that's not always how her body wants to interpret touch, even if she logically knows that I'm not intentionally teasing (she would never say that she feels like I'm trying to tease her, for the record, it's just the easiest way for me to articulate what it feels like could be happening).

And I love her so much, like so much; I'd do anything for her but it's not the same kind of love that she feels for me. By which I mean that she is just really gay and actively attracted to me emotionally/physically but for me if she started dating someone else, I'd be actually fine with that. If she was dating/having sex with someone I wouldn't be jealous, as long as we still get to be friends. (And maybe her dating would necessarily change the dynamic of our friendship and that would be really hard but that's a different mental exercise.) This isn't the way that she feels.

She is so special and important to me but even the way that we are aware of the other person's presence is different. For me, if I'm in a group of people and she's there, I'm aware of that on some level but it's not at the forefront of my mind. My brain is always sort of 'triaging' the people around me when they're my friends; who's being too quiet? who has been going through a rough patch with work/family, etc? who has an exciting new thing they need someone to squeal about with them? who hasn't been included in the conversation in too long? (see the paragraph above about flirting. haha.) She's there but she often isn't the first person I'm thinking about because I talk to her almost every day, I get to love her every day, and odds are good that we either drove together or will talk on the phone our way home from the event- I see the other people there less, so my brain just prioritizes them since I have less time to love them. (This is actually really good, healthy progress for me in terms of healthy attachment and not forming a codependent relationship. My therapist and I are really proud of the work I'm doing, but I'm digressing again.) For her, though, she always knows exactly where I am. It is work for her to pay attention to other conversations, work to be in a different room. In most situations, I am the person she defaults to thinking about and wanting to be near and she has to actively choose other things if she wants to. (And I don't mean to sound like an absolute asshole, it's not like I ignore her or anything, and I'm delighted for us to be in the same conversations, it's just a different way that we engage with the world.)

I love her so much. And I'm afraid of messing everything up. Of hurting her. Of asking too much of her without asking for anything at all. I try to let her be the one to initiate physical touch (or I ask first) because sometimes it's too hard on her body and that's fair. I feel frustrated with the different ways that we experience love for each other because the way that she loves me feels so good and safe to me and it makes me feel so happy. I'm afraid that the way that I love her doesn't feel as nice for her, that it feels less than, that the way I express my love and devotion isn't as good. I'm afraid that the way she loves me is going to wear her out. She always says she knows I love her just as much as she loves me, it's just different. She says she's okay, she says that the way I love her is good for her and she's happy. But it's hard to believe.

I'm afraid that she'll fall in love with someone else who can love her the way she loves and I won't matter to her anymore (partially because that's been my experience of people who have said they're in love with me). I'm afraid.

Is it even fair to entertain the idea of maybe having a whole life together? (we're already entertaining the ideas, already daydreaming about 'what if we lived together', where we're going on our next road trip, etc. And I'm terrified.) Is it asking her to give up too much? I would spend the rest of my life with her. I'd be good and kind to her, I would love her with so much tenderness. But is it enough? Am I enough with just the things that I have to give? Is it actually possible for someone to love me for just me and not for the ways that I could contort myself to be something I'm not?

I recognize the irony in what I'm asking. I know that that's what all of these hundreds of stories I've written here say, it's what I want to believe. But is it even possible when it's reality?

I don't know. Does anyone have any good advice? Any ace people out there living with a person who's in love with them? Does anyone have something that's lasted?

#please send help #c rambles #i'm ace and i'm having a hard time with it #genuinely- I do know this is way too much information #I won't blame anyone if no one reads all of this #but i'll love you forever if you reply with something that makes me feel a little less lost and terrified #ace

[cardinalcopulate]

thinking about copia <333 thinking about copia <333 thinking about tying myself in ribbon all bondage-like to rile him up and have him unwrap and rail me as his yule gift <333 thinking about copia <333

#c rambles #the band ghost #ghost band #papa emeritus iv #cardinal copia #ghost fanfiction #ghost #the band ghost fanfiction #grrrrr /pos

[shadow-of-wonder]

it's been so long since I've live blogged and I really loved doing it again. it was fun to be able to enjoy the show along w y'all who were also actively live blogging on here as well and maybe I'll continue w it bc it was a vibe

#summerslam 2023 lb #summerslam 2023 #summerslam #wwe #c rambles

[islesnucks]

i swear im alive and im back!!

I know i havent been here in forever, sorry i was studying abroad and the time zone thing really fucked me up, but im back home back to my usual time zone and ready to be as annoying as ever!!!

I missed yall so much!!!! and also im pretty sure i missed so much on the hockey world so yeah a lot of keeping up to do

Anyway love you and im so glad im back <3

#whats up back to being annoying here #c rambles #i really missed using tags

[blindedbythedarkness]

I am grieving the life I was raised to believe I would lead. A life where hard work was rewarded; wars were a distant thought; the world was free to be traveled; hunger and poverty were rare; where plagues were a medieval event and where we didn't have to scream and beg for the most basic humanity. I am grieving.

#it so much harder to live in the present than i ever imagined #i was raised to believe real struggles were a thing of the past #hah #c rambles #depressed #depression #grief #grieving #mourning #bereaved #bereavement #growing up #raising kids #poverty #hunger #struggles #pain #capitalism #classism #social justice #climate change #humanity #pandemic #covid19 #covid #war #crisis #disasters #plague #plague island

[wmjustyellowmw]

i think saying Hussie actively despised the fanbase and did everything they could to disappoint them is wrong but saying he didnt hold some resentment towards it and did some things out of spite is also wrong, at the end of the day Hussie made a story, some parts good others bad, and no one can deny that

#homestuck #shrug #c rambles