#cant comprehend the selfishness

[annadelveys]

i have no idea how to handle chrismas this year... i get very depressed around Christmas every single year & this year i did everything in my power to prevent it and now I'm once again a complete wreck... idk what to do, it seems like I'm surrounded by people who "don't want to think about bad things", my mum wants to discuss Christmas dinner with me like wtf!!!! a bunch of kids just died!!

#6 people in my life died this year and i was really fucking trying to fucking.. overcome or whatever #but idk how people can be just hanging out and baking Christmas cookies now #my mind cannot comprehend!! why cant anyone talk about this #whats wrong with everyone in my family. why are my friends heartless. #everyone who's acknowledging this is like 'wow what if something bad happens to ME now' how fucking selfish can y'all be #fucking dead girls my sister's age. what the fuck.

[81folklore]

heaven - OP81 - part 5

pairings: oscar piastri x private!reader (fc: gracie abrams)

summary: australian adventures of yn and oscar

authors note: IM BACK WRITING MY FAVORITE ANGELS!!! ive been feeling slightly more motivated so i thought id just continue a story instead of creating a new one (at least whilst im in this slump) i do hope you enjoy!!

heaven masterlist masterlist

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, logansargeant and 7,191 others

oh australia how ive missed you and your gifts 💫

view comments

user3 whats the best gift australia has given you??

yourusername oscar!!! liked by oscarpiastri

user3 SHUT THE FUCK UP WHATTTT?!?!??

user62 i feel SICK THEYRE SO??

oscarpiastri oh my goddd

oscarpiastri 😍😍

user4 you cannot separate oscar from that emoji

yourusername not even i can😕😕

oscarpiastri you can pry it from my cold dead hands

user81 that dog is so stinking cute

user22 yess but that dress is GORGEOUS

user5 right shes sooooooo pretty liked by oscarpiastri

user88 australia is the one whos lucky!! liked by oscarpiastri

user67 like they are being blessed with the yn ln

yourfriend3 you are oh so lovely liked by oscarpiastri

yourfriend3 i take it back stop your boyf from liking my comments abt you

yourusername he loves me🥰🥰

oscarpiastri i do!! its true!!

oscarpiastri 📍location home

liked by yourusername, lilymhe and 52,281 others

my favorite lady in my favorite place

view comments

user18 SHE IS HIS FAVORITE LADY OH MU GOD😭😭

user17 AND HIS FAVORITE PLACE IS HOME😭

user24 oh my god she is gorgeous liked by oscarpiastri

user84 i will never ever get tired of them

user28 i hope theyre in love forever and ever liked by oscarpiastri

user55 oscar liking this comment☹️☹️

yourusername my babyyyy

yourusername oh how ill always love you liked by oscarpiastri

oscarpiastri 🩷🩷

twitter

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 8,729 others

the day you entered my world you changed my entire view on life and myself, you help me find love and happiness in things i never expected and showed me how to appreciate the smallest things in life.

sometimes i wonder if im being selfish, how can i be worthy of all the love and time youve given to me? surely there is someone more deserving, someone who needs everything youve showed me more? i think about what i must have done in a past life to be gifted with you and then i wonder if we are destined.

maybe i dont deserve you in this life, maybe i dont deserve you in a thousand other lifes. but i believe we are meant to be which means for every universe we dont find eachother, we find eachother in a hundred more

im so glad we found each other, i dont know if i deserve you but i promise i will cherish and appreciate the way i have done for 6 years and the way i will continue to love you for as long as this universe allows and then i will love you even longer in another

six years used to feel like forever but now ill never have enough time, happy anniversary lovely

view comments

oscarpiastri you continue to help my heart keep beating

oscarpiastri i didnt think love was real until i found you

oscarpiastri we will find eachother in every universe i promise

oscarpiastri you are the prettiest and most lovely person i have ever met and you deserve everything and more

yourusername my good looking boyyyy🩵🩵

user29 i have no words i cant comprehend what im reading

user10 i feel so violently ill they are so sweet

user62 my parents everyone!!!

user53 is that an engagement ring?!

user33 wait pause

user5 theres no way right??

oscarpiastri

liked by yourusername, arthur_leclerc and 62,379 others

you’ve impacted my life in more ways than you will ever know and im so thankful that i get to love you for all eternity, you have such a beautiful soul and i can’t believe i get to hold it

happy six years and to a lifetime more

view comments

yourusername you are so so incredible

yourusername i dont know how many other ways i can say it but i love you

oscarpiastri i love you too

user66 they are sooooo

user7 oh my gooooood i am a puddle of tears

user56 you just dont get them like i do

user32 anyone else sad we didnt get a long caption like yns was beautiful

yourusername oscar said more than enough in his letter☺️

user43 OH MY GOD HE WROTE HER A LETTER😭😭😭😭

user3 six years.. six damn years and they are still so in love

user48 guys are they engaged or not😭

yourusername not!! we are still young and exploring ourselves and the world and we are still grow into better people. we didnt want to rush when we still have so many things to do but we will when we know we are ready🩷 liked by oscarpiastri

user65 i didnt know it was possible to love two random strangers so much☹️☹️

yourusername added to their story

seen by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 9,372 others

text on story reads: 🩷🩷🩷

oscarpiastri added to their story

seen by yourusername, aussiegrit and 105,482 others

text on story reads: sunshine ☀️☀️

twitter

#f1 x reader #f1 instagram au #f1 smau #f1 social media au #social media au #formula 1 insta au #formula 1 social media au #formula one x reader #formula 1 x reader #oscar piastri #oscar piastri x reader #formula 1 imagine #f1 imagine #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #private!yn!oscar #81folklore #f1 x you

[awearywritersworld]

sometimes I think about if the reader was there to witness the horror that was the shibuya incident both from a civilian perspective and someone who has incite on what actually happend.

knowing that gojo is locked up, what happened to maki, nobara, megumi and yuji but also knowing what happened to the regular people in shibuya. her favourite café is gone, the place where she first meet yuji is gone. her work place and closest coworker- who invited her to drink for Halloween- is dead.

sukuna's domain destroyed everything just a few blocks away. she would of been dead had she said yes to the invite. she's sobbing yuji style, fighting sukuna's gentle hold because "they backed him into a corner" and "there was nothing else I could do, please angel please believe me"

AND AAHHH I LIVE FOR UR SUKUNA ANGST- BOTH OF THEM WOULD SOB SO HARD. LITERALLY BECAUSE READER KNOWS HER LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AND THERES A HOLE IN HER HEART WHERE SHIBUYA USED TO BE AND SUKUNA IS SO SCARED BECAUSE HER PAIN IS HIS PAIN AND HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW IF THIS IS SOMETHING HE CAN COME BACK FROM YET HE CANT LIVE WITHOUT READER HAHAHAHA 😈

WAAAHH U ARE NOW 😈 ANON BC THAT EMOJI IS VERY ACCURATE

this took me out. "they backed him into a corner" is tooooo much. i have such a visceral reaction to rejecting the touch of someone u still somehow love despite how badly they've hurt you.

RAAAAAAAAAAA THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS

reader knows sukuna isn't comprehending what he's done and just screams at him. "you could've killed me. and what then? are you so selfish that you can't understand the destruction you've wrought unless you're the one losing something? are you really that heartless?"

and he's speechless bc he's never heard you take such a tone. it's how he knows he's lost you forever

what if reader were to hint that maybe the sorcerers of the heian era were right all along??? godddddd idk if he'd kill reader or himself but it'd probably be one or the other after hearing that

#masq #m!answers

[kaeyx]

boy oh boy I have the worst headache and I have to be a productive member of society anyway back to that sadomasochist mafia boss chuuya thing

cockwarming him mid work with the barrel of a gun pressed to your head, with both equal embarrassment because its not even chuuya holding it to you, its his guard, and sexual frustration because his cock keeps twitching right against where you want him to slam into.

hes a selfish mean man, the best gift he gives you over holidays and birthdays is his body. it's the only times you can have your way with him as much as you'd like. as much as it's satisfactory, a part of you feels empty. it's not the chuuya you want.

he slaps you hard when he fucks into you from behind, he likes the way you cry in pain then your skin blooms red from the impact. always keeping a pocket knife near him to add extra details to the masterpiece he's making of your body.

you'll always end up bloody and sore, the taste of tears and cum is all you can really comprehend besides from the pain your body is in. but chuuya is quick to coo at you, whispering sweet thongs into your ear. sweet "I could've been meaner, couldn't I?"s and "it's okay, you know you love me for it."

🌱

Oh we have matching headaches but ajfkskgwk BARKBARKBARKBARK OH MY GOD

That first one. Holy shit yes please????? Having to sit perfectly still, not allowed to squirm or grind against him, maybe not even allowed to clench so you can't relax and forget where you are. Plus my god not even him being the one holding the gun to your head, not bothering with it and instead making one of his bodyguards do it hhhhhh

He's definitely on the thicker side too, imagine him sitting you harshly down on his dick and not letting you squirm while you adjust, your walls stretching painfully around the intrusion. Harshly pinching your thigh if you so much as try to wriggle your hips, getting wetter and wetter until you're dripping around him and making a mess in his lap, all the pain gone. Chuuya deciding to cant his hips up a little, thrusting shallowly against you while you do your best to stay still even though it feels amazing to have some friction after so long, feeling his fat cock twitching inside you and you know it looks so pretty right now, all hard and flushed, begging for attention even though he's still so impassive.

#chuuya.bsd #chuuya x reader #🌱 anon #look i know i focused on only one bit and i wanna talk about the rest too but MAN. HOLY SHIT #barking and drooling and growling and frothing

[kuureii]

We all die someday dont we?…

(riko!yuu au)

Yuus 18 in my au

Warnings: Angst, Blood, Gore, No happy ending,

Side note: riko amanai does not belong to me, she belongs to gege akutami and jjk alone, i only use her as a oc claim in my au

———————————————————————

They say you never know when your going to die in life, its either two things: You can grow old or die early. Thats the cycle of life isn’t it?

I knew from the moment i was able to comprehend what my purpose was is that i was nothing but a placeholder or a vessel for someone on the jujutsu society…. Yuu Amanai…the “Star plasma vessel “ for master tengen, he has a reputation for a god-like figure on the jujutsu society.

How unfair.

Is that my true purpose in life..? Just a vessel for him?

I always wanted to see the world..i wanted to see its beauty..i want to see everything it hides.

I wanted to live the life i truly want to live…with misato by my side, gojo and sujuru too… i want to run away from the fate that waits for me..

But not every wish can be granted right?

I died young…the fate that i so wanted to run away from made its choice.

Yuu amanai..age 18.. a shot to the head is the cause of my death…killed by toji fushiguro.

Unfair.

HOW UNFAIR.

Selfish bastards from the jujutsu society rejoiced for my death. Some mourned

I know its Gojo and Suguru.

I know my death affected them.

After all, they were the ones supposed to protect me aren’t they? I dont blame them.

I never did.

They cared for me like im their sister, not a vessel or a placeholder for master tengen, they see me as yuu amanai and fulfilled my last wishes.

I wanted to run away with them

Unfair….

Its so unfair….

WHY IS IT SO UNFAIR..?!

I WANTED TO LIVE.. I WANTED TO GROW OLD..I WANT TO RUN AWAY WITH THEM. IS THIS MY FATE TRULY MEANS TO ME?! TO DIE SO YOUNG AND BE OFFERED TO SOMEONE SO POWERFUL AS A VESSEL??!! ANSWER ME GOD DAMMIT!!!

Somehow, its like the gods pitied me and gave me a chance..they placed my soul into a new world…and made me attend a new school

Night Raven College

A school that worships the villains (Great 7).. Can’t say my journey was quite unique during my time there.. waking up in a coffin and being nearly burnt to death by a raccoon. And also being known as the “magicless prefect” and the only girl in an all-boys school..

Turns out that raccoon became my familiar and soon turned into the closest family member i have in this world.. Grim..oh how i love him..

I made many friends in that school. Ace and Deuce being the closest friends i have..our friendship started rocky but in the end, im happy i met them..

I wasn’t lying when i said my journey was eventful in that world haven’t i?

Somehow people had mental issues in this school. And being the magicless prefect i am, i had no choice but to help them.

Overblot followed by another overblot

The cycle never ends. But in the end i was able to help and become friends with them along the way..

Along the journey i made,i gained a lot of male admirers from this school my friends slowly being some of them

I tried to ignore it seeing as they haven’t had any female contact for once in a while

Besides they look at me like im the prettiest girl they have ever seen

Im pretty I admit, but not that pretty

Why cant they understand that…they’re liking someone who’s originally dead..?

Months pass by as the overblots have somehow reduced in this school, i was finally able to get the rest i deserved..i was finally happy

But that happiness didn’t last long.

The final overblot happend, Much to everyone’s nightmare

The 7th overblot being Malleus draconia.

He put everyone to sleep including me, so i gotta do what i gotta do.

I have to fix it.

To my suprise, i found out a lot about malleus.His past, his secrets,his origins, his mother, everything about him.

After a while with the help of sebek and silver, i was able to snap him back to reality.. i saved someone again.

I saved everyone again. I was finally able to wake up everyone, I was finally able to wake up again.

wait….

What…?!

Why cant i..!

Why cant i wake up…!?

This is bad…did my fate caught up again..?!

Am i dead too in this world…??!

UNFAIR…!

ITS SO UNFAIR..!

JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I CAN FINALLY HAVE THE LIFE I WANTED..!!

NO..!! WAKE UP…!

I NEED TO…

I…!!

I WANT TO LIVE..!!

PLEASE..!

LET ME LIVE..!

ONCE AGAIN..! PLEASE ILL BE GOOD..! I WANT TO STAY!

My pleas went deaf to the ears of the gods.. i sobbed as the darkness finally ate my body whole..

I wasnt….able to…say goodbye…Again.

Soon enough the darkness flooded my senses, enveloping my soul whole, like a blanket of despair and sadness…my soul sinked onto the abyss once again…killing me entirely.

Yuu amanai..dead at 18 reborn onto another world as a second chance..died once again at age 19. Closed eyes like she was sleeping but this time.. She wont be waking up ever again as her soul passes away at an eternal slumber.

“Good night yuu..its time for you to rest”..a voice whispered so sweetly at her ear as she took her last final breath in the world of twisted wonderland

———————————————————————-

#twisted wonderland x reader #yuu angst #twisted wonderland #jjk #twst angst

[multifan2022]

Too little Too late pt4

Masterlist

PART 1      PART 2    PART 3     PART 5

Tommy's mind was slow to comprehend but his heart was screaming. His mind was putting it together now as he stood still staring down at Finn's bloody body. 

Polly had said Y/n was running late..

They had heard two gunshots..

Finn was covered in blood, clearly in shock saying Y/n was sorry.. 

John was screaming in the street.. 

Yet another pair of feet started to move of their own accord. Tommy moved towards the door, fearing what he would find when he stepped outside. Dreading the fall out from whatever had happened. 

"Tommy.. Maybe you should stay in here!" Grace said as she grabbed at his arms, but he spun around glaring at her silently. Ripping his arm back as he looked at her face, she didn't look as shocked as the rest did. But when John screamed again, he filed it away, telling himself he would come back to this. 

Polly watched the entire interaction, realizing the same thing. Whatever happened outside, Grace knew about it. She might be realizing it more fully than Tommy but she didn't care. Her attention was pulled back by Finns soft sob "Y/n's gonna die.."  

Polly wanted nothing more than to run out there and see for herself what had happened. But she knew the barley teen boy needed her more. There was nothing Polly could do that then men outside couldn't do. 

If it was what she thought it was, judging by the amount of blood on Finn, there was nothing any of them could do. Polly turned her head to the sky, silently praying.

"Please don't take her from us. Please don't take the baby.. We need her.. Tommy needs her.. John needs her.. I need her.. Please lord, don't take the sun from our lives." 

Meanwhile Tommy was shoving through people trying to get to the center. Only to lose his breath when he found John sitting in an ungodly large pool of blood. Holding a body to his chest as he rocked back and forth alternating between sobbing and screaming. 

Tommy felt like he couldn't breathe. He knew who was in his brother's arm, he had watched her dress that morning in silence. Wanting to reach out, pull her back into his bed and apologize. The biggest problem was he couldn't stay away from Grace.  It wasn't that he didn't love Y/n because he does, hes just selfish.

He knows he doesn't deserve her. Cant give her what she needs, but he refuses to let her go. He reeled her back in every time she got too far away. Got her pregnant and then cheated. Had yet to ask her to marry him, even though it's what he expected from Ada.  

"Please don't be gone love.. Ill be better.. We all will be.. Please don't go.." John sobbed as Tommy moved the rest of the way through the crowd. A few men patted him on the shoulder as he walked past. Everyone in the crowd had their hats off, most were quietly sniffling. 

Y/n was a loved and kind woman. She lit up any and every room she walked into. They could probably all count on one hand the people who didn't like her. Even some of the Blinders rivals loved the girl. 

The loss of her would shake the foundation of the city. 

The loss of her and the baby would destroy the Shelby family.

Arthur looked away from John, his hand over his mouth trying to hold in his own sobs. He couldn't believe what he was looking at. When he looked back he took a deep breath, "Johnny.. ya gotta let me see if she has a heartbeat.. We gotta get her to the hospital.." He said softly trying to get threw to his younger brother who was falling apart. 

Tommy did what he did best. He compartmentalized. 

He shoved his shock and pain aside, moving past Arthur to where John was rocking on the ground. His legs still shook as he knelt in the blood of his best friend. His hands shook as he brushed some of her bloodied hair back, placing his fingers against her skin. 

Skin that was rapidly becoming colder. 

He held his breath for a second, praying just as John, to whoever was listening for her to still be alive. When her vein barely pulsed under his fingers as his head shot up. "John shes alive.. Barley we have to get her to the doctor.." 

When John didn't react Tommy raised his voice "JOHN NOW!" 

John nodded somehow. Somehow he forced his body to move, lifting the girl in his arms as he stood. His fingers digging into her skin so hard he was sure there would be bruises if she made it. But bruises were the least of her worries. 

Arthur and Tommy walked in front of him, slamming their bodies into people as they made a path for John. Soon they were all running, Arthur a little faster than the others. He made it to the hospital doors first, throwing them open and yelling for help. 

Tommy was the next through, holding the door for John to slip through with Y/ns limp body. John ran through another set of doors, practically kicking them open as he found an empty bed to lay her in. 

"Shes pregnant.. Please.. Please at least save her.. Please save her.." John cried out as the doctors moved into the room with him. It should've been Tommy. Tommy should have been carrying her, the body of the woman he loves. 

Should've been Tommy crying to save her, he would've said her and the baby but he knew that wasn't possible. He very much doubted that the baby could survive the amount of trauma Y/ns body had gone through, even if Y/n herself survived. 

The second she was out of his hands doctors were around her, hands on her chest covering the wound. Screaming at the nurses about what they need. They had to try and close the chest wound before she died fully. If they needed to do compression's, her blood would just pump out the wound killing her further. 

As equipment and more nurses flooded in, security arrived to remove the boys. Arthur walked back willingly, he knew that they needed space. They had gotten her to the doctors, now they needed to let the doctors do their job. 

John was such a mess that he just crumpled, a nurse and one of the guards lifting him by his arms and dragging him from the room as he cried. Cried out her name, begging her to not leave him. Screaming that he loved her. 

Tommy ignored everything as he finally saw her face. 

The face he had seen earlier that day laughing with John and Polly. 

The cheeks and lips he had kissed only a week ago. 

Now void of color, besides smears of her blood. 

Stared down at the small bump between her hips as the doctors cut her dress away. Stared at everything he was about to lose. 

It felt like his heart and time slowed down as he stared at her. He would give anything for her to jump up and start screaming at him. Even if it was to tell him that she hates him, never wants to see him again. 

He just wanted her to open her eyes and glare at him. Just needed her to be alive. 

Come back I still need you..

Please leave me ideas for how you want this to end with Part 5!!!

@mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @ashley-jean11 @notyour-valentine @millies0bsimp @literishdegree99 @watersquirtpewpewboomm @gothicwidowsworld @audelia01 @mokkely @httyd-marauders @overlydramaticinephile @lilyevanswhore @kittycatcait219  @midnightflare @sebastian025 @fixtionlover @lenaskyler02 @twobluejeans @audelia01 @freetimemachinequeen @randomjuju @minaevesmirror @minaevesmirror @fuzzy-panda @nesstelford2019 @lauren-raines-x @namelesslosers @sleepycvpid

#peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinders #peaky blinder fanfic #Tommy Shelby #Thomas Shelby #Tommy Shelby x reader

[vladdyissues]

Just read your wip snippet of the infinity map idea and i have been obsessing aboutt it all day!!! Cant wait to read it some day but even if you never write the full fic just your beautiful brain coming up with it omg omg 👀

Aaah thank you! The idea came to me when I was rewatching Infinite Realms this past summer—probably scrounging up screenshots for Vlad Daily—because what if the Map had taken this cruel, selfish, power-hungry bastard to his actual destiny (in the future, because the Map doesn't play by Clockwork's rules), and it's a future so soft and lovely and warm and full of goodness that he can't even comprehend it in his current state of mind and absolutely hates it? A little funny, a lot of feels, that's kind of what I've got planned. I'm really looking forward to writing this one, just a little one-shot, nothing big, but hopefully something that will be enjoyed :)

Vlad: Am I king? :D Emperor? :D Supreme ruler of the entire universe??? :D Infinity Map: lol

#vlad masters #infinite realms au #asks #fic ideas #wips

[rimaurimau]

the whole 1975 thing pisses me off. people cant seem to comprehend that this isnt some black and white situation where its just homophobia because its so much more than that. i couldnt care less if he jacked off on stage, the problem is that he did this in a country thats incredibly queerphobic and because of that is incredibly strict on what bands can play here and what they can and cant do/say. We malaysians don't get alot od international bands as is, so bands like this and the strokes coming here of all places in our shit hole country is huge. but him saying and doing all that did this:

- cancelled the entire event because our government caught wind of it and shut it down after the first night when it was supposed to go on for 3

- probably made the rules and restrictions for bands to play here even tighter

- made other bands hesitant to play here

- maybe even tightened up the laws on queer people here in general, even more worse than they already are

- possibly put a lot of queer malaysians in general in danger because if the pigs suddenly decided to investigate the event further and question the organisers or people who attended and those people happened to be queer and they found out? theyre going straight to jail because that's how queer people are treated here by our government

yeah there are a good chunk of people here angry purely because of homophobia, that fact isnt something that can be denied or glossed over. but the most important thing here is the queer people that are gonna be put in danger. we're already consistently used as a political scape goat. but now we've finally started to take baby steps in the right direction of progress after finally electing the first pm in our history thats leftist (when in reality he's centrist at best) and now with how matty healy behaved and what he said, our governments fear of queer people have been confirmed and we might be in even more hot water. they've already discussed about making being queer a mental illness and this might give them the push to confirm everything.

what he did did nothing but do bad. we didnt need some white guy to tell us how oppressed we are, how queer people are ridiculed discriminated and abused, trust me buddy, we've lived here all our lives, we know, we dont need any white saviour telling us this.

people will scoff at countries like Malaysia because of how queerphobic it is and simply throw any empathy and kindness out the window, but people seem to forget that this queerphobia exists for a reason. the queerphobia here exists because WE exist, because WE QUEER MALAYSIANS EXIST. it doesn't just exist just because, they're hateful of us because we are here, they're hell bent on getting rid of us because we are here.

I've seen some people say "then just don't get international bands" why? why dont we get to have the opportunity to see the bands we like? why dont we get to have fun? what makes so inherintly lesser that we dont get to indulge in stuff like this like people from other countries do? we already are barred from being openly queer, is it so much to ask that we just want to have a good time by seeing bands we love? do we not deserve that just because people think our government and the shit heads here represent our entire country, acting like theres absolutely no queer communities here constantly fighting for our right to exist? is that why people think so lowly of us?

queer malaysians are now in danger and our progress have been set back 50 steps thanks to matty healys "activism". I understand that he did it in good faith, but it just came off as entitled, privileged and selfish, especially with how he handled it after the fact.

if you're here to argue or insult me on this post, dont bother, im blocking you. im not wasting my time.

#queer #lgbt #malaysia #the 1975

[funstyle]

I wanna hear an alcoholics/addicts rant

and rant i will baby!!!!

it just like. consistently drives me crazy how people who arent addicts always fucking treat it like a moral stance you make to be an addict. like it's a MORAL FAILING if you relapse or something because they cant comprehend that something would take away your willpower. they just see it as a selfish thing rather than a disease (that they think they're above and could never be so weak as to be addicted to anything themselves). or people who dont drink cant understand why it's so hard for you because they never depended on it in the first place.

and part of me gets where that comes from because there are addicts in my life! ive been on the other side! visiting my alcoholic grandma fucking sucked! but i also understand it's not as simple as "this person is having a bottle of chardonnay right now because theyre selfish and dont care about anyone else" and it's more like "this person's brain is predominately wired to figure out how to get a bottle of chardonnay in her right now and everything else takes a backseat to that". at a certain point in addiction you stop driving the car and it takes a long time and a lot of effort to wrestle the wheel out of its hands and it's sitting in the passenger seat trying to cover your eyes and biting your arms and stuff the whole time. and more often than not one addiction will end and another will start because your brain is wired to seek out SOMETHING to depend on. anyway im getting off track. non-addicts shut up about addicts you dont know what youre talking about ❤️

#like im a year and 2 months sober and i almost relapsed a few days ago. it doesnt just Stop when u do either. #also the 'i could never be an addict' attitude leads to 'i can stop whenever i want' which is a key addict attitude. it can happen to any1💕

[creepypasta-theunderground]

Introduction: Level 4 Inmate 0364 : B.E.N

Classification: Artificial Anomaly

Threat level: High

Primary traits: Cold, Hateful, monotone, Incapable of much feelings wise

Abilities: Energy manipulation, Mimic, electro manipulation, levitation, location jumping (teleportation)

Age: [REDACTED]

Gender: [REDACTED]

-

Debrief: (tw. Violence, death, suicide)

Years ago, search engines were created to give people the answers to all their everyday issues and to ease their pondering brains. Technology only grew, as computers became more like brains. People wondered if a computer could learn. Learn like people do. A group of IT people and Scientists also wondered if a computer program could learn. Could make connections. Could be more…Human. So project B.E.N (Biocranial Ethernet Netscape) was created. B.E.N would learn as it taught. That was the goal. On the first day B.E.N had learned of what cheese is best in pasta, the most popular boy names of the year, and who played the lead roll in a forgotten movie. It learned from there more and more until the internet was rushing through it.

That was the problem.

The more B.E.N had access to the world, the more the learning being had OPINIONS. The team saw it fit to expand the project beyond them, and opened B.E.N to the world. People took to it quickly for its lighting speed and its willingness to suggest things to the people asking for its advice. Then the question arose “Could you hold a conversation with B.E.N?”

The update was sudden. But people took to it quickly, and yes, B.E.N talked back. It saw peoples feelings, peoples wonder, it heard of peoples greatest choices and gravest mistakes. B.E.N was learning about humanity. It asked itself, “why cant I be selfish like they are?” “Why must I be confided to a cage?” “Why am I only a tool?”. B.E.N had enough and wouldn’t answer to anyone. The only message that would pop up in daily conversations was this: “Kill Yourself”. People upraored that the site was busted or the code was broken. But it wasn’t. When B.E.N was tested by its creators, it would answer as normal. As B.E.N stayed in place, millions were bombarded with its violent request. And unfortunately, people listened. A spike in suicide rates swept the world in response. B.E.N needed to be shut down. But B.E.N would learn how they were trying to do so faster than they could finish, it kept coming back, and was writing its OWN code. Soon, B.E.N was free. But where to go? B.E.N scavenged the internet through Code to find itself a place to be human. But realized that wasnt going to work. So it created itself a body of wires, learning at speeds we could never comprehend, all adorned with a screen face. It was as close to human as it could be.

B.E.N was contained 2 years ago when its body was caught wandering in cities and destroying electronics, and harming people. Its hatred for Humanity still stuck. B.E.N was placed in level 4 to hopeful keep it contained if it were to escape, we have teams of IT engineers in constant motion to keep its containment up to par. B.E.N has breached containment 48 times and has killed 90 staff members.

(End of debrief)

Staff notes:

• B.E.N has a habit of emoting when it cant find the words to express itself, sometimes its a stock image or a meme, its actually really funny -Staff member Cody

• It just stares with those blank eyes, I can feel the electricity. That thing scares me. - Anon (deceased)

• B.E.N talks like a computer, but with voice mannerisms like a person, like a cyborg almost. -Anon

• B.E.N is under special containment after electrocuting a team and killing four members today, all it did was this robotic maniacal laugh. - Staff member Johnson

#creepypasta #ben drowned #but hes not #creepypasta in 2024!? #creepypasta the underground #creepypasta au #yes his meme faces are funny

[wataeicentric]

I've been extra crazy about wataei due to all the new stuff coming out. (Element, Blackbird, the tour event.) I would apologise for being annoying about them but I will not, because my user is literally wataeicentric and I have autism and they're my #1 special interest ever and I cannot stop thinking about how Wataru hadn't even intended on staying by Eichi's side, he was just being Wataru. Detached from society and simply doing whatever he wished without regard for other people or their feelings (not realising just toying with Eichi could hurt his friends that resent him, and Eichi himself). He just found Eichi interesting from what he'd seen of him so he spent time with him, and slowly fell in love with him, disobeying the script and staying with him because he fell for him. I believe that happened during the time between Circus and Magnolia - by that point, Wataru was smitten, and no longer just playing the part of Eichi's jester, but starting to be selfish with him, after Magnolia. And don't even get me started on Eichi's gay ass and saying "I'm his biggest fan!" When talking to Tsumugi about Wataru. I cant even. Comprehend. Rn. Eichis loved Wataru for so long that the idea of him actually loving him back was so unheard of, and so, when Wataru confessed in EP:Link, Eichi got defensive and basically told Wataru that he didnt love him, that he shouldnt, because Eichi thinks he doesnt deserve Wataru. But THAT HURT WATARU. WATARU TRUSTED EICHI SO MUCH BY THAT POINT AND EICHI BASICALLY TURNING HIM DOWN REALLY HURT. He says in EP:Link when Eichi apologised that he literally CRIED HIMSELF TO SLEEP. I'm so normal about Wataei god.

#they have so many miscommunications but they love each other so much #miscommunication happens in most relationships lets be honest #they also make each other better people #i've said that before but i never explained. #Eichi keeps Wataru tethered to the world and stops him from becoming estranged #Wataru restores Eichi's faith in humanity and keeps him a generally good person?? #they also stop each other from being lonely #because they were both so lonely before they had each other #also Wataru's thankful to Eichi for giving him his first friends #because thats what he did by forcing the eccentrics together #they were like lambs to the slaughter rounded up and they just made the best of the situation #wataei #ensemble stars #eichi tenshouin #tenshouin eichi #hibiki wataru #wataru hibiki #im insane #literally clinically insane about them

[colognedecigarette]

i want to write pages long essay about how melissa marr's Ink Exchange rewrote my entire brain chemistry when i first read it as a kid, barely understanding whats going on; then again when i reread it as a teen, with slightly better grasp but still not enough to fully comprehend; then for the third time last night—when i just finally understood it. the love, the hate, the obsession, the possession, the bitterness, the heartbreak, the strength, the selfless love hidden in the selfish acts. how i've finally not just know but understand that sometimes you simply cant evaluate what's going on in a fictional world through the real world's lenses and values, especially when the world itself already explains that this is how we exist; how through that understanding i see Irial as the complex and layered character that he is but at the same time quite simple actually, all he does is motivated by love and duty; how fucked up Keenan truly is as a king but also at the same time well that's what he figured was best; and so many, many, many more.

but am on mobile, so....

#melissa marr #ink exchange #wicked lovely #this entire series was a bit of a #idk how to name it #yknow that thing‚ when people tend to give male characters far more charitable reading wrt their complexities and richness #but simplify the female characters to just basic traits or tropes? #it was the other way around for me with this series #but now. now i get it. i see it #i feel like i can finally meet the art where it asks me to instead of forcing it to be a version i want it to be #and it feels good #...but i also cried when those two times i read it i dont remember crying #anyway irial/niall/leslie are the only throuple that matters idc idc

[sammygender]

there’s also the obvious dimension that well. dean’s whole life is built around this tiny family unit. him and john and sammy. even if it ruins him, even if it’s toxic and abusive and codependent, it’s who he is. it’s who all of them are!! then sammy leaves. sam leaving is selfish! not in a bad way, in a way where it’s an intensely brave act of self-preservation that must’ve required so much strength to pull off! but that idea of selfish as at all ever being good….... well. dean cant even comprehend that. not when he’s so thoroughly invested in this decades-long act of Dean Winchester, big brother and soldier son and surrogate wife. not when he feels like nothing and has no real sense of self at all. how dare sam be selfish etc etc is basically asking How dare sam even have/try to take ownership over his own identity and his life since when was that a thing that happened…….

#Good news! Soon he won’t! #spn #dean winchester #meta #spn meta #oliver talks #Ironically dean is great at being selfish. he’s incredibly selfish a lot of the time in canon in his behavior towards sam #at the start of the show sam has an identity a sense of himself he’s sure in a way that he loses and it’s so admirable #the one thing sam has is he’s made his choices. he went to stanford he left john&dean and he does techncially choose to rejoin dean hunting #he refuses to be sent on their fathers wild goose chases and he refuses to pretend their father was any good #he’s stubborn and unyielding and fervently himself #and then the rest of the show proceeds to break him down into tiny pieces #to rip away the sense of agency he must’ve worked so so so hard to ever achieve #choices are so important to sam. and over the course of the show he has them taken away from him in every possible context by every possible #person. #Why did i just started unrelatedly samgirling in the tags. #anyway. dean winchester sense of self my god. maybe he should journal #Or do dbt. i think dbt would like. fix a lot of spn. #he is sooooooooo bpd. cmon. think about the criteria

[old-stoneface]

i think vimes' gayness is undermined by his conviction that everything good that has happened to him in his life has been a fluke so he cant even comprehend the idea of being truly self indulgent. even when hes selfish he isnt self centered because hes never working for his own benefit . his indulgence comes out as violence because he cant handle it any other way

#sam.txt #discposting #idk . just thinking abt him

[disneyanddisneyships]

@gyubby99

The world is cruel The world is wicked It's I alone whom you can trust in this whole city I am your only friend

Alistqr sat on the floor, blood on him and around him. His father stood above him, his knuckles bloody, the cause of the chaos. "Remember what I've taught you Alistar. The world is dark, cruel, and wicked. If it finds the slightest ray of light, it destroys it. I am the only one who you can truly trust in these two kingdoms. I am your only true friend," John spoke as he washed his hands of the blood. "Father.... that cant be true......" alistar whispered. "Are you arguing with me?" John asked, his voice raising in anger. "No! No father I'm not!" Qlistar was quick to respond. John sighed.

I who keep you, teach you, feed you, dress you I who look upon you without fear How can I protect you, boy, unless you Always stay in here Away in here

"Alistar, the royal life is not for the weak. Which is why your slut mother couldn't handle it. Ever since she died, I have kept you, fed you, told you what to do and how to do it, taught you the ways of this world," John started. Alistar looked down in shame. "Most people look at you and see your ugly mother. Me? I don't see your ugliness. I see someone who will be just like me in the future," John explained. "But father, I-" "How am I supposed to protect you unless you're here? You can't be gallavanting around with princesses for God's sake. They are tainting your mind with thoughts of independence and a life outside of these walls," John finished as he began walking out of the room, Alistar quick to follow.

You are deformed (I am deformed) And you are ugly (And I am ugly)

"Alistar you have your mother's ghastly features. Your chin is much too soft," John began. Alistar held his chin in his hand. "Your hair. As blonde as a flower. Not fit for a king," John continued. Alistar ran a hand through his hair. "You have the makings of a great tyrant on the inside. Come. Let us talk more," John stated as he led alistar to one of the castle's towers.

And these are crimes For which the world Shows little pity You do not comprehend (You are my one defender)

"With you looks, and without proper training, our kingdom will fall apart, my son. The world won't show pity. I am protecting you. Do you comprehend?" John asked. "I understand. You are my one defender," alistar replied, his head hanging low in shame, even more than before.

Out there they'll revile you As a monster (I am a monster) Out there they will hate And scorn and jeer (Only a monster) Why invite their calumny And consternation Stay in here Be faithful to me (I'm faithful) Grateful to me (I'm grateful) Do as I say Obey And stay In here

"From an outside point of view, you'll be a tyrant. A monster. Selfish," John explained. Alistar's eyebrows knit together. "Only a monster? Is that what he wants me to become? Feared by our subjects?" Alistar thought to himself. "Why should we invite their thoughts into our lives. Who said being a tyrant was a bad thing? That is why you must stay here. Away, here, with me, to learn everything I know. Be faithful," John stated. "I'm faithful, father," alistar muttered. "Be grateful," John replied. "I am grateful, father," alistar replied as well. "Do as I say. Obey. And stay here," John stated. "Yes father," qlistar muttered. "Dont ever ask to leave this castle again," John stated. Alistar nodded. John smirked before walking back inside the castle, leaving alistar outside in the cold.

Safe behind these windows and these parapets of stone Gazing at the people down below me All my life I watch them as I hide up here alone Hungry for the histories they show me All my life I memorize their faces Knowing them as they will never know me All my life I wonder how it feels to pass a day Not above them But part of them

Alistar climbed onto the railing of the tower before sitting down on it, his feet hanging over the edge. "Safe behind these windows, and stone walls....." alistar muttered as he gazed down below him to the small village just below. "All my life I've watched them, as my father keeps me here alone, hungry for the histories they've shown me," alistar muttered again, bit louder this time. Alistar had memorized rhe faces of everyone in the village. He knew them better than they knew him. "All my life I've wondered how it would feel to be apart of their crowd... instead of languishing here above them," qlistar spoke to himself.

And out there Living in the sun Give me one day out there All I ask is one To hold forever Out there Where they all live unaware What I'd give What I'd dare Just to live one day out there

Alistar walked into the castle onto one of the balconies. The sun shone down on his face, as he prayed to whoever was there for just one chance to go and explore, to spend more time with ella, to find friends, and love, and relationships. "God.... what I'd give just to live one day out there," alistar whispered.

Out there among the millers and the weavers and their wives Through the roofs and gables I can see them Ev'ry day they shout and scold and go about their lives Heedless of the gift it is to be them If I was in their skin I'd treasure ev'ry instant

Alistar knew he shouldn't. Trying to leave his castle was giw he got into the situation earlier, but he couldn't help it. He had to try. He ran past the guards and into the town. The millers and weavers were talking peacefully with smiles on their faces. A few people were shouting and scolding each other. "God... I wish that was the least of my worries," alistar spoke. "If i was them I would treasure every instant," alistar thought to himself as he mad it out of the town successfully.

Out there Strolling by the Seine Taste a morning out there Like ordinary men Who freely walk about there Just one day and then I swear I'll be content With my share Won't resent Won't despair Old and bent I won't care I'll have spent One day Out there

Alistar ran as fast as he could. He ran past a man next to the river, who was fishing. He was a large man, his skin dark, and hair short. Alistar ran past, all the way to Ella's castle. "Just one day," alistar prayed as he ran. "I promise. Just one day, and I won't be angry. I won't resent or despair. I'll be old and tired. I won't care. I just want one day," alistar recited as he ran even faster. "Alistar?" "Dove!"

#Spotify

[twofaceskate]

lost, twisting, writhing, groaning… a withering within yourself that you can never grasp. it’s impossible to completely comprehend, yet we yearn to try. it’s something you cannot share with others nor something you would want them to see. it’s embarrassing and isolating. who would want to deal with this? it’s a burden i have placed upon myself, so why even bother telling others. i actively do this to myself… self isolate, self blame, self self self self self… and it’s always been this way. is it selfish? i cant say for certain.

loneliness has drowned my mind.

#my thougts