#carrying the weight of everything!!!

[psychopomping]

ok I'm catching up and i know i wondered why sklonda was upset but i get it now in scene. for her her son seems to be taking so much weight why doesn't it seem like his friends ! why is he always carrying stuff for everyone else why is he focusing on the wins of everyone not reaching for his own accolades you know??

#does this fucking make sense #but like #i get her #a moment of doubt is all you need #esp since riz is so sincerely and truly himself #so like it would be easy to take advantage #d20 #fantasy high #fhjy #sklonda gukgak #riz gukgak #basically i get her i get her worry and she does love his friends because omg friends and they're sweet #but as a mom u will always worry about your child #also ily riz it's so true though #carrying the weight of everything!!! #share some of that with your friends #echo chamber

[angelicdevil24]

God David cares about Angel so much I’m going to pass out

#no matter what happens #he always puts their thoughts and feelings above everything else #and he wants them to talk about what they’re feeling honestly #and he’s understanding about the fact that they’re divided in two different worlds #but he never makes them feel bad about it #instead he wants to help them carry the weight of it #bc he just wants them to be okay :( #redacted david #redacted angel #redacted audio #redacted asmr

[chirp-featherfowl]

am i makinnng. any FUCKING sense.

elaboration in tags maybe if it's comprehensible. no promises

#trafficsmp #life series #ouh god the ship names #smallidarity #flower husbands #rancher duo #is that the ship name or the duo thing #what's the difference #i don't think grian and jimmy have one #oh ueah elaboration #im not commenting on any others but i WAS considering some other options #scarian auspistice with the 'get em a marriage counselor' comment #majorwood or treebark moiraillegence #but i think one of the things ppl can't reconcile when thinking abt troll romance is that a good chunk of shit just won't be romantic #it's probably a solid amount! #a point could wven be made there if you really wanted #about what's the difference. carries the same weight and everything. it's just got a different labelslapped on it because we've #unceremoniously fuckin plopped troll societal norms from a dumbass webcomic hussie was working on and in 2011 or something he decided to #change the internet forever #didnt even finish the sentence. plopped troll societal norms on a bunch of minecrsft youtubers #what was i saying #i dont know Okay goodnight. god im so fuckin tired #ask me about joel and jimmy

[lgbtlunaverse]

I'm a little bit insane about how in novel canon the whole xiyao ending where Jin Guangyao wants to die with Xichen, who accepts, which then makes jgy change his mind and pushes him away at the last second isn't actually explicit. A lot of adaptations chose to make it so but in the novel this is all VERY up for interpretation.

Here's what actually happens in the text: Lan xichen stabs jgy, jgy moves away from lan xichen, xichen follows him, wwx realizes jgy is about to open the coffin and calls "watch out!" to lan xichen. Jgy unseals nmj, pushes xichen away, nmj kills jgy and they are both dragged into the coffin which is sealed again.

Here's what wei wuxian, our narrator, thinks is happening: Jin Guangyao wanted to lead lan xichen to his death out of revenge for stabbing him. Lan Xichen, unaware, simply followed Jin Guangyao to try and stop him from getting away. Wei wuxian's warning came too late, but Jin Guangyao- for an unknown reason- changed his mind at the last second and pushed lan xichen out of danger before lan xichen had any idea of what was going on.

Here's what most fans as well as the teams behind several adpatations think is happening: Jin Guangyao leads Xichen to nmj's coffin to die with him, Xichen accepts, because of this acceptance, proof xichen still cares for him, Jin Guangyao pushes him out of harm's way. Wei Wuxian just doesn't get that gay people who aren't him or Lan Wangji exist.

Here's what ALSO MIGHT BE HAPPENING: Jin guangyao wants to die in a different way than he is currently dying. Maybe he's afraid of what'll happen to his body after his death like he was scared for his mother's, maybe he wants to confront nmj one last time now that there's nothing more for him to lose, maybe - if he can't take her body with him- he'd at least like his final resting place to be where he buried his mother. Lan Xichen thinks he's trying to get away and follows but Jin Guangyao, who despite everything doesn't want him to die, pushes him away. Xichen doesn't know what happened until it's already happened. What he would've wanted if he had known remains up in the air.

Or, alternatively: Jin Guangyao's reasons are as above, but unbeknowst to Wei Wuxian, Xichen DOES know what jgy is about to do and either misinterprets this as an invitation to all die together, or inidividually decides he, too, is done, and wants to join his sworn brothers in the grave. To Jin Guangyao this has nothing to do with Lan Xichen, and he still doesn't want him to die, so he pushes him away against Lan Xichen's wishes.

Every single one of these interpretations is unhinged and they are all supported by the original text. It's like a choose your own adventure of tragic gay endings.

#mdzs #mdzs meta #meng yao #jin guangyao #lan xichen #nie mingjue #3zun #xiyao #rs: i wish it could've been you #honestly which is worse for xichen. Being denied his wish explicitly or only realizing he wanted it after it'd already been denied for him #OR genuinely not wanting to die but being forced to live with the fact that even after he essentially killed him jgy still saved his life #just another way he's in his debt #like no matter what he's not coming out of here okay #i switch between a bunch of these all the time but actually favor the last 2 because they're very underexplored in my opinion #I like it when 'i never even thought about hurting you' remains true to the bitter end. He never even considered it #also I just... have a lot of feelings about that being his mom's coffin #do you remember that in the novel the coffin was so heavy only sect leaders could bear the weight? #so for the burial a group of sect leaders had to be the pallbearers... the SYMBOLISM GUYS!! THE SYMBOLISM! #jgy dies in infamy but despite everything it's the highest of cultivation society who carry the coffin he's buried in #he's in the same coffin as a great sect leader!! As nmj!! After a whole life fighting an uphill battle finally in death they are equal #it's not justice and it's not fair but it's... something #wwx's interpretation is the one i favour the least. sorry bro you remain an unreliable narrator to me. #it feels rather uncharitable towards jgy which makes sense for wwx's pov but makes it not my favorite #there's an alternative version of that intepretation where jgy THINKS he's doing the coffin trio pact and thinks xichen accepts. #and has the same realization of oh no he still cares I don't want him to die and pushes lxc away #meanwhile lan xichen hasn't actually processed any of this because it all happened in about 0.4 seconds #i like that one slightly more but it's still not my favorite #there's tragedy in the misunderstanding but it's a bit convoluted.

[kqluckity]

actually bad being the only person to kind of have all the facts straight is the demonstration that every closed community needs at least one very invested gossip that knows everything

#carrying the weight of the server frfr he needs to start writing everything down #qsmp #mcyt tag

[lyriumsings]

baldurs gate is so funny it’s just

laezel &shadowheart: let’s break you outta this religious cult!

wyll & gale: let’s break you outta this unhealthy relationship!

astarion & karlach: let’s break the people who broke you!

that’s it that’s the game

#halsin is like let’s break you out of this monumental weight you keep putting on yourself #i could write pages on halsin tbh like #he really glosses over his own pain and like he’s not looked after #like the comments you can make about him being good for helping carry stuff #the way he can say ‘my heart can wound’ #if you end things with him and then take it back (i reloaded the save i just wanted to see DJSJS) #and it broke my heart like people just see him as this big strong guy to push responsibility on to #who can protect everyone all the time and he can but like no!! i’m protecting YOU get in my pocket #acknowledge your past trauma don’t gloss over it #he’s very similar to astarion imo #in the way that both kind of seem like they don’t need help #or act like it rather but to different extremes #halsin cares about everything all the time and shoulders the burden #astarion elected to not care about anything ever and preserve himself bc no one else would #i’m obsessed with their poly and how they both desperately need to be cared for in vastly different ways that are somehow still so similar #lyriumsings txt #bg3 #spoilers #anyway this was supposed to be a silly post i got lost in my feels DKSJDJDJS

[trainingdummyrabbit]

wait. i lied. im not done. thinks really really hard about the way Childishness is expressed in conjunction with angelas development, and how its never looked down upon but rather accepted as a stepping stone into understanding. how angela is allowed to have these so called "childish" traits and methods of expression as a vital part of her growth, a vital part of reclaiming herself.

something about the expression of childishness in contrast to a childhood she never got to have, growth she was never able to take, and an openness she was never allowed to express.

haha anyway who said that

#UGHH.... I CANT . STAND HER. GIRLIE #projmoon #piktalk #am i making sense. is this thing on. the thread. can you see it. are you seeing this shit. am i making sense #ooohh worlds greatest ai built to manage a huge corporation and a plan spanning thousands of timeloops #yeah?? youre a vessel meant to carry on the weight of this worlds future suffering alone for the greater good??? #go play in the rain or something IDIOT!!!! find joy in the mundane and insignificant DORKUS!!!!!!!!! #experience whimsy untethered to the baggage of everything before you and everything that will come after you... NERD!!!!!!!! #is this thing on. is this thing on. gripping th sink. #*the subtle act of rebellion in allowing yourself mundane enjoyment in the long unending thread of hardship Is This Thing On--*

[anti-dazai-blog]

see the thing that makes stories interesting is conflict. Which is why audiences don’t tend to enjoy it when a story goes “plot twist! there was never any conflict to begin with!”

#This is about Chuuya not being a vampire in the first place #And Dazai pulling the “I knew everything all along and it was all according to plan” #plus any emotional or psychological conflict both of them would have had over the entire situation #it’s just. Eurghhhhhh #bad. #it’s. not enjoyable to most audiences unless you like it for reasons of personal taste #Because “there was never any conflict to begin with” carries just about the same weight as “it was all a dream” #Oh that thing that I thought happened? The thing that made the story interesting? Yeah it never happened. #my GUY. why tell a story if not to tell it sincerely. #like I said before this is the same as marvel movies killing their sincere moments with quips and one-liners

[thisisadonaldduckblognow]

i also think the take that leo’s post-movie character shift long term is to distance himself and ~hold himself separate~ from his brothers and treat them a little differently and train all the time etc simply Doesn’t Track btw

doing it as a major initial overcorrection bc of guilt and having to be like intervened with, i can see happening, and overall getting better at buckling down/communicating w his team for sure yeah

but like the idea that that is a change he makes to himself forever going forward (especially if it means his brothers/april not clocking it and calling him out on that nonsense, especially especially if it involves splinter noticing it and ENCOURAGING HIM to keep holding himself apart like that’s so not rise splinter at all) just does not feel right

for me it undermines the core statements that the series and movie are going for: you are not alone, we do it together, he hasn’t seen what we can do when we work together, this isn’t about you (i think this one in particular bc what is withdrawing from your loved ones and holding yourself in a different category bc Must Be Leaderly if not making things about yourself just in a different way to how you were doing it before?)

#rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt movie #rottmnt leo #rise leo #so so much of the message of the narratives are ultimately about love and togetherness #how self sacrifice can come from a place of love but it is still damaging #how no one can or should carry the weight of everything alone! bc they are not alone! #more than any other tmnt iteration that is what they drive home; the togetherness #one of the emotional high points and triumphs of the finale! is raph realizing all this! #that it's not just on him that they all carry it together and that makes them stronger! #that was like his biggest struggle wanting to shoulder things and be there for everyone #without thinking it was fair of him to ask to lean back on them too (even though they would and did in a heartbeat catch him!!!) #baby leo reached for splinter leo reached for karai when they left her he was in FRONT reaching for raph in the trust fall #he reached for krang zombie raph when they had to leave him behind too like #he's insecure and scared and has a habit of masking his vulnerability but like #he's not gonna withdraw in that way while everyone goes oh well haha thats just how leo is now no they'd fuckin... talk to their brother #idk what im even getting around to anymore im just bummed

[lunarharp]

lazy scribbling of my baldur's gate 3 characters

#*emerges from 430 HOURS of life-changing playtime blearily like a lost and confused kitten* #i lost my interest in drawing bc everything is too sad & horrible right now. it was a luxury and privilege to lose myself in this instead #what follows will be my personal and trivial emotions about that #i'll do better proper drawings later. for me. they are both so very dear to me... deeply dear...unforgettable journeys of fate #truly have played like one possessed for the past few weeks. you have no idea. what do i do now. what do i do. #their personalities are so vivid to me though they mostly made the same choices. both intersex and they/them - canonically <3 #i missed out on FOUR PARTY MEMBERS in my first playthrough due to not understanding anything whatsoever. #gloaming ended up with wyll and pavane romanced karlach and astarion. and ended up with the one i did NOT plan on. this wasnt the plan #one of the most fulfilling romance paths i've ever..i cant say more..it all got too immersive and now i have to just.. MOVE ON ?????????? #live in THIS world where i can't gut imperialism personally and emerge alive from that? #without Long Resting? without my character requesting a kiss from their beloved after a tough day ?? #without preparing my little spells? without channelling divinity from my death god to keep us all alive? #without dyeing my man's clothes fancy colours for him? without him Approving whenever i lie and double-cross our enemies #without sharing clothes with my ex? without choosing to eat the heavy food first so that the weight is easier on her Carrying Capacity? #without orchestrating ways for all of my friends to kill the abusers that ruined their lives for a decade or even 200 years? #without experiencing degrading horrors on a daily basis but in a cathartic way where we always make it back to our rooms at the inn #WITHOUT SPEAK WITH ANIMALS??????????? #at least there's music. just like with persona 5 that will always be with me. always #like how p5 melodies take me back to those feelings. those rich and personal feelings.... BUT THIS WAS A WAY MORE NUTS EXPERIENCE #i thought i would hate it. i did at times. thought it would desensitise me to various things. it did. but there was so much more..it was... #Well anyway *continues my life* imagine if dnd was real..something to think about

[hooned]

i need two business days to recover OH i just love sunghoon so much you guys do not understand :((

#text post #for someone who doesn’t even cry in front of his friends and family #how heavy was the weight he was carrying all on his own for him to just burst out crying in front of thousands of people ? #he’s given so much of himself ; sacrificed too much of his youth #& not once have we heard him complain or say anything ill about anyone. not even those who’ve forsaken his name #even to those who were unkind— he offered nothing but warmth #it takes a lot of heart to remain kind when the world isn’t & yet sunghoon chooses to do so every day #sunghoon you are one of the best people i’ve ever had the grace of knowing #i love you for everything you were— you are— and everything you are yet to be #i’ll always follow your star little one #YOU WILL ALWAYS BE LOVED BY ME. ♡

[mister13eyond]

honestly i love this stupid kirby meme for the dumbest reason:

which is that "i want to dead" has lodged itself as permanent echolalia in my brain, so when i'm Spiraling it becomes the despair mantra my mind is chanting, which like

WOULD be harrowing, but i keep picturing this sad little low poly kirby saying it and i'm just patting his angular little head like "i know kirby, i know, but the horrors persist and so must my juicy ass"

#externalizing my impulsive spiral thoughts as a separate entity was only step one #step two was making that entity a charmingly pathetic little guy who must be treated with compassion #broke: yelling at the imaginary personification of your suicidal thoughts for being a loud dick #woke: seeing this sad little kirby and sagely comforting him #tw sui ideation #mental health #also it's worth noting that like #i've come far enough that these days 'i want to dead' doesnt carry nearly the weight it used to #like yeah it's bouncing around my brain like a frantic echolalia every time i'm upset and overwhelmed #but i know low poly kirby doesnt ACTUALLY want to dead #he want to turn down the volume of everything happening and it's the only way he knows to express it #the kneejerk impulse will probably never go away #i spent too long with my immediate reaction to every struggle being 'i wanna die' for the habit to ever fully vanish #but i can't get mad at my brain for saying it #it's just a sad little low poly kirby ok #be nice to him. he's so low poly

[vaguely-concerned]

thinking about how augustine puts all the blame for what happened to alfred on cristabel and by extension mercy, because if he didn’t direct all his anger that way he’d have to be angry with john......... and even, most painfully and fraught of all, with alfred himself. and that is so deeply incompatible both with his devotion and loyalty and love and with his immense eternal-life-long guilt. (it somehow feels like there’s something alike here to the dynamic that happened between harrow and gideon after the suicide of harrow’s parents to me -- the trauma-weight shifting blame and guilt and responsibility around to wherever will hold it when it’s too painful to look at straight on -- though I can’t actually explain it properly yet, and in that situation there wasn’t also a notorious deific gaslighter involved to intentionally muddy things up even further over centuries lmao). augustine is definitely not a reliable narrator of what happened back then because of all of this, but notably mercy never really defends cristabel against this particular accusation of being the instigator of the suicide pact either, for all that she clearly loved her immeasurably and will fiercely defend her against any other criticism. so it appears they’re more or less in agreement about what happened back then, they only differ in what they think it means? I don’t know honestly haha I have only Vibes here and from the outside it’s of course easier to spot that at the end of the day the real blame lies with john and the system of empire he set up around him anyway.

there’s also a really interesting contrast between mercy and augustine in how they relate to their cavaliers in the now -- mercy sort of keeps cristabel alive, she keeps bringing her up in conversation, makes idle observations about what she might think of things; to her cristabel seems to be very much still present even in her absence. meanwhile augustine, during the divine threesome dinner party (I love these books), describes being prompted to talk more about alfred and what happened back then as ‘oh very well, then, just dig him back up’, like he wants to at least let him rest in peace, considers him dead and buried in some way that’s of course at odds with the fact that he’s kept forever alive inside him as fuel. (which are also the opposite impulses of what they envision for themselves after their bout of some light recreational mutual deicide -- at that point mercy wants to be buried with cristabel in death, and augustine feels the obligation to keep himself and alfred alive at least until they’ve done what little they can to mitigate the damage they’ve caused. I love how they trade roles back and forth like that at the end of the book it’s so neat. ‘mom said it’s my turn to have the hysterics so you gotta keep your shit together for a few minutes before we switch again’)

mercy says ‘she’s still here’ and augustine says ‘he’s gone’, and they’re both right and they’re both wrong. and this is the system john put in place at the start of his new world: a world where nothing is truly alive but grief.

#the locked tomb #the locked tomb meta #harrow the ninth #mercymorn the first #augustine the first #john gaius #cannot WAIT for nona the ninth to punch me repeatedly in the face while going 'stop punching yourself! stop punching yourself!' honestly #I did this to myself. no one forced me to get attached to the horrible old war criminals #I must admire john's ability to frame himself as both in the wrong for everything in general but nothing in particular at the same time #like yeah he carries the weight of the universe on his shoulders but also nothing is ever actually his fault. just happened like that. #no one could have done anything to stop it. oh alas. what do I know I'm only god #he's so awful <3

[applespider]

It’s fucking sobbing over Jaiden Roier and Tilín hours again fucking fuck

#qsmp #THAT WAS THEIR KID!!! HE WAS JUST A LITTLE BABY AND HE’S GONE. FUCK. THEY WERE SO GENTLE SO LOVING. #FFUCK #FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK #GODDAMNIT #She was their little baby #She was their little baby and they took care of her when Quackity was away and she’s gone #She’s gone #I’ll never stop sobbing over these fucking kids man #They deserve so much #Roier and Jaiden lost three kids and I’ll never stop crying about it #I’ll never stop crying #I want to hold them #caps in tags #god. #They were little babies and they’ll never meet their little brother and sisters #Now their big brother and sisters #How much weight do those kids carry? Pomme and Richas #Knowing their little siblings are gone #I want to hold them and tell them everything will be okay #I want to give everyone on that god forsaken island somewhere safe where they get to be happy and loved #They deserve to be okay #They deserve to relax and heal and be a family #They deserve to be safe!! The kids deserve to have fun and be stupid and be kids!! #The grief is crushing #FUCK #I’ll never stop crying over them

[qbebou]

ok not to be like he’s just like me fr…. but chayanne is just like me fr…..

i’m also the oldest child with one younger sibling who needed a lot more care when we were kids and therefore was deprived of certain needs in favor of my brother. i also had a parent that was missing a lot and depended almost solely on my dad. obviously tallulah needs more help than chay, with her asthma and lesser fighting skills, not to mention she had only been playing minecraft for like a month? or two before wilbur found her. and chay knows that! he knows that she needs more help than he does he knows he’ll do anything for her he knows he has to be the strongest to protect her. my brother and i are only a year apart but i was forced to grow up very very quickly bc i was on my own a lot as a kid while my brother was sick. phil doesn’t worry abt chay when he runs off bc he doesn’t need to, chay can take care of himself. hell, he took care of all the eggs when they first left. but at the same time, it’s comforting to know ur parent is looking out for u even when u don’t need it. phil’s not a smothering parent, he’s attentive, but not smothering. but let’s be real he can also be emotionally constipated LMAO but that leads to situations like the argument and frustration between chay and tallulah when dapper was kidnapped. in his defense, he’s never been a parent before and had 2 children thrust upon him to raise on his own. he didn’t have a lot of time to adjust to parenthood like ppl in real life do, he suddenly had 2 children who had their own thoughts and opinions and emotional needs, he didn’t get the time it takes to LEARN abt how to provide that specific care and while some ppl have that innate knowledge there is a lot of learning and navigating when it comes to emotional vulnerability and regulation esp when it comes to children who are figuring it out as well. i feel for chay when he thinks he needs to be the strongest. i feel for chay when he had to make the decision to gather the eggs and leave. i feel for chay when he had to take blame for bad things happening. and i feel for chay when he realized tallulah doesn’t need him as much anymore. my brother and i are both adults now and we had a …… tumultuous relationship as teenagers for reasons that were both our own and caused by problems outside our control. but i still remember exactly how devastating it was the moment i realized that he was fine on his own. that he didn’t need me anymore. and it caused a rift between us; on my end bc i was frustrated and felt tossed aside and on his end bc he NEEDED to be independent to keep growing. i see so much of myself in chay and i desperately wish he and tallulah had a better mediator for their argument, or at least someone who could truly understand why they were so upset. i don’t think phil clocked that tallulah was so upset and adamant abt looking for dapper bc it was just her dapper and ramon surviving on their own. just bc phil didn’t witness it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and it doesn’t mean that they don’t have a much tighter relationship than they had before purgatory. and when chayanne said everyone was blaming him for the decisions he made phil was quick to tell him that no one was blaming him but also phil doesn’t know that! he doesn’t know if any blame was put on chayanne when it was just the eggs together. chayanne made the decision for the eggs to run and they trusted him bc he’s the oldest and he’s strong and he can be a leader but by running he also put the eggs thru a lot of pain and fear that they may not have gone thru if they stayed with their parents. and even if the eggs didn’t explicitly say that they blamed chayanne im sure he blamed himself for every little thing that went wrong. we’ve already seen him open up a tiny bit abt how he was questioning his decision to leave. but phil told him that chay made the best decision he could have given the information he had at the time which is true! but when ur the oldest and everyone is looking to u, all of the responsibility lies on ur shoulders. chayanne has been carrying SO much weight on his shoulders for so long it breaks my heart.

#lex.txt #qsmp chayanne #qsmp tallulah #qsmp #i have so much more i could say abt chayanne tallulah and their relationship but unfortunately ! i am not allowed to write more than this #please excuse my rambling run on sentences and lack of proper punctuation #i type the way i speak in my head and usually that means no pauses no breaks everything flows like word vomit i apologize if things #don’t make sense #i think if this was happening when i was younger i wouldn’t have all these feelings but like #my brother has a toddler that i’ve been helping raise since he was born #that is MY baby i spend the most time with him he’s the closest to me out of anyone #and i think that if i didn’t have any parenting experience i would also handle things a lot like how phil does #i think the several years of therapy have also helped with my parenting LOL #anyways i wrote this a while back and it’s been sitting in my drafts #chay is so sacrificial and i think a lot of it comes from phil putting pressure on him to be strong #he literally said he should’ve been the one to die instead of empanada!!!!! he thinks the eye attacks are his fault #i just wish he could be a kid and do the things he wants to do without worrying that he or his siblings will die #poor sweet boy :( he shouldn’t be carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders but he doesn’t think he has the option not to

[feynavaley]

My life is a comedy.

I'm on a business trip with my superior, so I've been spending a lot of time with her even outside of work hours. Today, during a casual conversation, I let slip that I have a huge crush on that other coworker I've written about in the past.

To be perfectly honest, I thought everyone knew by now. The women, at least. I've been doing my best to be subtle, of course, but I've been on the other side as well and I know -- hiding something like this is impossible. Even if you don't do anything in particular to make it obvious, there's the way your eyes literally shine when you look at that person, the adoring expression, how you blush and/or stutter when you interact... Every person is different in how they react to this, of course, but from the outside, you can tell when there's such a strong interest.

...except apparently, I've been doing a much better job at hiding my feelings that I thought for my superior was flabbergasted.

Her first reaction was a gasp, followed by, "You're jocking, right? You must be jocking!"

Feeling rather foolish at that point, but thinking I was too far in to back down, I assured her that no, unfortunately, I wasn't jocking. Nevertheless, I'm definitely able to keep up a professional relationship and pretend my feelings don't exist.

Turns out that wasn't what my superior was concerned about. Apparently, what everyone has been noticing and commenting about behind my back is that he is completely smitten with me. He has never explicitly denied when confronted about it, either, just veered the conversation to a different topic. Which -- is not a denial.

Not to mention, it would be completely understandable if he didn't want to make a move without knowing how I felt about it -- after all, I'm much younger than he is and he's also technically one of my superiors, even though I'm not directly under him. Being the sensible person he is, he is aware the situation would be quite uncomfortable for me if I didn't reciprocate his interest.

...but I do. And I can't believe this is happening, but it is. I don't know if this will turn into anything concrete, still... Wow. Moreover, my superior is absolutely thrilled about this and she said that as soon as we're back, she'll make sure he somehow gets the input he can make a move.

#about feyna #sorry for the rant but I'm so happy I'overflowing #I *needed* to talk about this but all my close friends are busy today lol #on a different note #turns out I wasn't just imagining things and I actually *can* read people #I had noticed he often seemed to be staring at me #and then there was that time he got behind me when saying goodbye before leaving #and he was clearly about to touch my shoulder then froze for an instant #and touched the back of my chair instead #which means thar gesture had a meaning for him -- that touch carried a certain weight #not thoughtless #otherwise he wouldn't have frozen and waited a moment before reconsidering #but I thought it was impossible that somebody like him could like me back #so I just thought I was overthing everything lol