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bytheangell · 6 years

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Congrats on 100 followers! What about a warlock camping trip for a drabble prompt?

(100 Followers Prompt Celebration!) (Read on AO3)

Catarina rolls her eyes but says nothing when Magnus, after ending his relationship with Camille, throws himself immediately into a tryst with Woolsey Scott. Ragnor pretends to believe him when he says that he’s fine, the rebound burning fast and bright before burning out entirely. But Magnus can’t be alone and he refuses to sit still, bouncing from mundane pubs to private parties to underground downworlder clubs, rarely sober and never spending more than a night in any one place with any one person, and that’s when the two of them know they cannot stand idly by any longer. Magnus acts like it is all in good fun but this is the beginning of a spiral that Catarina and Ragnor both know too well by now.

They show up outside the room he’s staying in. When he finally opens the bedroom door (after sleeping through several minutes of Ragnor’s insistent knocking) they throw a bag already packed with some clothing and personal items on the floor in front of him.

“What’s this?” Magnus asks, words coming slow in the hazy mixture of fading sleep and lingering intoxication. Cat’s nose scrunches up involuntarily at the strong odor of alcohol that clings to his clothing, a smell only amplified by his breath as he stifles a yawn.

“This,” Catarina starts pointedly. “Is an intervention. You’re coming with us.”

Magnus looks dubiously down at the bag before back up at Cat. “You aren’t seriously trying to throw me in rehab, are you? I’m fine, I keep telling you–”

“Of course not, don’t be stupid. We’re going camping,” Ragnor clarifies.

Magnus pulls a face. “That’s even worse. On second thought, I’d prefer the rehab.”

“Oh shush.” Cat scoffs. “You have five minutes to change and then we’re leaving, so hurry up.”

Magnus makes a show of not liking this idea at all but he does as he’s instructed, returning to where Cat and Ragnor wait for him dressed in comfortable travel clothing with the bag they brought slung over his shoulder. “Alright then. Let’s get this over with.”

It takes several hours of travel just to reach the start of their outdoor adventure, and at this point Magnus is finally suffering the dull ache in his head after sobering up entirely from the night before.

“One of these days Henry and I will have all the kinks of the portal worked out,” he promises. “And we’ll never have to take a carriage again.”

“Pity you hadn’t been doing that all week instead of going out and getting soshed,” Ragnor comments casually.

“Life can’t be all work and no play,” Magnus defends, which was much easier for him to say than for Ragnor, as he wasn’t the current High Warlock of London and lived a life with much more leniency towards frivolities and dalliances.

Magnus tries several times along the start of the trail to convince them to turn back. He bribes them with entry to exclusive clubs, with personal favors, with promising to not speak again for the next 24 hours. That last one almost gets Ragnor, but he inevitably turns it down after a disapproving look and punch to the arm from Catarina. Eventually Magnus stops trying, and walks in silence behind the pair of them for a little while while they go on eagerly, taking in the views, admiring the beauty of the nature around them.

Despite their friendly chatter it’s too quiet for Magnus. He needs the noise of the city, the distraction of lights and horses and music, of too-loud voices in small rooms… he needs the things that keep his mind from returning to Camille over and over again. He misses her in the quiet of the forest, thinking of how she would disapprove of this just as much as he did. And he must be quiet for too long because soon he finds himself sandwiched between Cat and Ragnor as they walk, engaging in questions about Henry and Charlotte and the other Shadowhunters, about his current freelance work, about the possibility that maybe some travel away from London would do him some good, so long as it isn’t to Peru.

When the sun starts to set they begin to make camp, with Magnus cheating and using as much magic as he can get away with even though Cat insists it’s more fun to do things the mundane way as ‘part of the experience’. She starts a small fire with the same care and patience which have become the very trademarks of her personality, while Magnus and Ragnor set up the tent and lay out packs to sleep on. They eat and laugh and share stories around the fire, and for a little while Magnus is able to forget why he’s here in the first place. But when he grows lost in his thoughts again, falling uncharacteristically quiet and reserved, Cat excuses herself with a small sigh and comes back with three bottles of wine.

“You get one hour,” she tells Magnus, passing over a bottle full of deep red wine.

“And then I never want to hear that lying tart’s name ever again,” Ragnor ads, taking his own bottle from Catarina who keeps the third for herself. They know how this is going to go and don’t bother with glasses or cups.

Magnus rolls his eyes but there’s a grateful smile on his face that betrays how much this gesture means to him. The next hour is mostly Cat and Ragnor listening, chiming in with a hum here or brief interjection there, but mostly just allowing Magnus to talk. And talk he does, his emotions ranging wildly from fond reminiscing over nicer moments spent with Camille to anger over her lies to personal frustration for giving so much of himself over to her just to have it returned in shattered pieces. The bottle is emptied long before the hour is up. He laughs even though the happier memories are tainted now. He cries when he can’t hold back the tears stinging his eyes in anger and frustration and sadness any longer. He knows he should hate her much more than he does but he can’t help the part of him that still loves her. The part of him he’s terrified always will. But saying it out loud seems to take away some of the power it holds over him, and he feels himself finally starting to come to terms with it all.

Once the worst of it is out of his system and the three of them retreat into the tent for the night Magnus is surprised to find a sense of peace come over him at the realization that just because his heart is broken doesn’t mean it is entirely incapable of love; because he feels nothing but love in this moment.

“Thank you,” he says quietly into the dark of the tent, unsure if either of them are even awake to hear his soft admission of gratitude. And while neither of them say a word he’s certain he feels them shift closer on either side of him, shoulders touching, surrounding him with a warmth that will comfort him for centuries.

#ragnor fell #magnus bane #catarina loss #Shadowhunters #the shadowhunter chronicles #thank you so much for the prompt!#I really enjoyed writing this - it was a nice break from all the Malec I've been doing lately!#not that I ever get sick of Malec but #I do love me some warlocks <3 #and if you also love you some warlocks I adopted half my headcanons for these three from the lovely writings of themimsyborogove #so go check her writing out if you want some amazing warlock adventures! <3 #sorry these are taking me forever and a half to get to since writing Support System accidentally took over my life!!#ask rune #themimsyborogove #elle writes a few deadbeat lines

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khaleesiofalicante · 3 years

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Historical Inaccuracies

So, remember how we all yelled about Alec finding out about Magnus inventing the portals with Henry? Yeah, so it led to this ;)

You can read the fic here on ao3 too :)

“I’ll never get used to it,” Alec told his husband as they returned home from Cirenworth. “Sure, the runes are amazing. The angel blood is pretty cool. But portals. Damn!”

Magnus only chuckled, setting down the box of cookies Jem and Kit had baked for the kids.

“Sometimes I really pity the mundanes,” Alec continued, taking off his shoes and jacket. “I mean, we live in New York. I can’t imagine travelling without portals. Oof!”

“Alexander, you have been spoiled!” Magnus chuckled harder.

Alec winked at his husband. “I wish I could make portals. Then I can go anywhere I want anytime I want.”

“You 're married to a warlock. You already do,” Magnus pointed out. “Besides, you can’t make portals without a warlock. You need our magic and panache.”

“Clary can though,” Alec pouted. “How can she make portals without warlock magic? It doesn’t make sense.”

“She got herself to engaged to Jace,” Magnus pointed out. “A lot of things Clary does doesn’t make sense.”

Alec giggled at that and flopped down on the bed, his t-shirt discarded on the floor. Magnus walked sat down next to him.

“Alright, think of it this way,” Magnus said. “What Clary does, that’s pure magic. Straight from the angels. But what we do…It isn’t just magic, it’s also science.”

“Oh,” Alec said, propping his face on his palms.

“Henry created the portals only after tinkering with them for weeks. It was an experiment, you see? It was a combination of science and magic. While Clary’s powers are no doubt fascinating, I’ve always preferred warlock portals. It’s a combination of nature and nurture. A fine balance of how all things should be. Actually, back in the day-”

Magnus stopped abruptly, but only because Alec was giving the biggest heart eyes in the world.

“Stop it!” Magnus blushed.

“I can’t help it,” Alec grinned. “I love it when you talk about magic. It’s like watching Simon talk about movies or Jace talk about weapons, but 100 times better and it doesn’t make me want to jump off the balcony.”

Magnus laughed. “Anyways, I’m saying you’re right. Portals might be the coolest invention because they combine science and magic. See how much we can achieve when we allow to entertain mundane thoughts?”

Alec smiled. “I wish I was there when the first portal was made. It must have been so badass!!”

“It was actually rather terrifying,” Magnus said. “We were off to defeat Mortmain. We didn’t know if it would work. Knowing Henry, there was an equal chance of us ending up in the Thames. But it all worked ou-”

“Hold up,” Alec interrupted. “What do you mean ‘we’?”

Magnus blinked.

“Magnus,” Alec said. “Were you there when the first portal was made?”

“You’re welcome,” Magnus winked. “Now, what should we have for dinner? I’m craving ba-”

“I don’t understand,” Alec looked stunned. “I didn’t know. How could I have not known? I should have never slept during the history lessons!”

“You shouldn’t have,” Magnus chuckled softly. “If it’s any consolation, it wouldn’t have mattered if you’d been awake either. Contributions of warlocks such as myself are not usually a part of the Nephilim curriculum.”

Alec only stared. "But that's ridiculous. Surely it must be in the Codex. I remember there is an entire subsection on portals.”

“Alexand-” Magnus called, but Alec had already jumped off the bed and was going to Rafael’s room.

He came back a moment later, flipping through the pages furiously.

“The first successful portal was created in 1878, a collaboration between Henry Branwell, then head of the London Institute, and a warlock whose name history, unfortunately, does not record.”

Alec looked up from the book.

“This is bullshit. BULLSHIT!”

“Alec-”

“Whose name history unfortunately doesn’t record?” Alec repeated. “Well, that’s fucking convenient, isn’t it?”

“It’s just an oversight,” Magnus shrugged.

“This is outright bigotry and discrimination!” Alec yelled. “It’s racist!”

“Alec,” Magnus called. “Shh! You’ll wake up the kids.”

“Good! They should hear this! In fact, everyone should,” Alec took out his phone.

“What are you doing?” Magnus asked, getting up from the bed and walking to his husband quickly.

“I’m texting the group,” Alec said, punching the buttons as if he was punching a demon. “Everyone should know about this. I’m going to send mass fire messages to every shadowhunter-”

Magnus grabbed Alec’s phone away. “Darling, it’s midnight. You need to calm down.”

“Calm down?” Alec asked incredulously. “Magnus, I’m pretty sure, No-I’m 100% certain that none of us would be alive if it wasn’t for you. I’ve heard enough stories from Jem and Tessa to know what you have done. And this is what you get back in return?”

“I never did any of those things hoping I’d get something back in return,” Magnus pointed out. “It doesn’t matter to me.”

“But it does to me,” Alec replied. “It matters to me that your kindness is valued. It matters that your power is respected. It matters that your contribution is acknowledge. It does matter, Magnus.”

Magnus only sighed and sat down on the bed again. “What do you what me to do?”

“You don’t have to do anything,” Alec said, his voice softer now. “You’ve done enough and more. It’s us. Nephilim need to do better.”

“Nephilim need to do better,” Magnus chuckled softly. “Could be your slogan for a reelection campaign.”

“Magnus, I-” Alec faltered. “If this is the how the Clave operates, then I'm not sure I want to be a part of it.”

“Alec, no!” Magnus said forcefully. “Don’t you ever say that. Many Consuls wouldn’t have even bothered about this. You do. Shadowhunters need a leader like you.”

“Someone who didn’t even know his husband invented the portal?” Alec mumbled.

“Someone who gives a shit,” Magnus smiled. “Someone who cares – not just about the shadowhunters but about all of shadow world.”

They were quiet for a moment. The only sound in the apartment was the windchime from Max’s room.

“I’m sorry,” Alec said quietly. “I’m sorry they did this to you.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Magnus caressed his husband’s cheek. “It’s not your fault.”

“It isn’t,” Alec said. “But downworld erasure like this exists because no one bothered to question it. I did know a warlock helped Henry but I never bothered to look it up. It didn't matter to me.”

Magnus kissed Alec on the cheek. “It’s alright. I never cared for credit anyway.”

“I know, Magnus,” Alec smiled. “But I...I got the Codex from Rafe’s study table. I don’t want our son learning from a book that only documents half of what happened. It isn’t fair.”

Magnus’ face softened at that. “Okay. If it matters so much to you. Then I will talk to Rafael in the morning.”

“No,” Alec said. “This isn’t just about Rafe. It’s about all the kids.”

Alec looked away, as if he was ashamed.

“You know I wasn’t always like this. I was bigoted too – in my own way. And I think…If I had known…If someone had taught me, it would have helped. If shadowhunters had been taught history as it is, and how it should have been…We could have avoided wars. We could have avoided so much loss.”

“You could have,” Magnus said quietly. “It isn’t just warlocks who are erased. Faries, werewolves, vampires…even mundanes.”

Alec looked pained. “Ignorance breeds hatred. We can’t go on like this.”

“I agree, Alexander,” Magnus said. “But sending a mass fire messages in the middle of the night or spamming the group chat isn’t going to fix this. You said it yourself. This attitude is discriminatory. Discrimination and racism can’t be erased overnight. If you really want to fix this, then you need to sit down and think about this properly.”

Alec was quiet for a moment. A long one.

Then he held out his hand, clearly asking for his phone. Magnus sighed and gave it back.

He started pressing the buttons rapidly again before throwing the device on the bed. “Alright.”

“Did you just scream at the entire clave in all caps?” Magnus laughed, a little nervous.

“No,” Alec said, pulling Magnus into his arms. “Just texted Diego and Simon. I want to talk to them first thing in the morning.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow.

“I’m going to ask Simon to analyze the existing curriculum at the Academy. Catarina should help him. I want to know what the future generation is learning. I want to know how much of it is the truth,” Alec said. “And I’m going to ask Diego to put a team together to rewrite the codex. We’ll make sure we have representatives from the downworld. If we are going to teach history, then it needs to be as accurate as possible. The Codex should be a book of truth, not carefully worded propaganda.”

“Lots of people might not like the truth,” Magnus said quietly.

Alec kissed him the forehead and shrugged. “Too bad. They picked me as the Consul. Now they gotta deal with it.”

Magnus laughed, his voice becoming softer as it was filled with unending happiness.

“Nobody gets left behind,” Alec promised. “Not this time.”

“Thank you,” Magnus smiled.

“For what?” Alec chuckled. “Giving a shit?”

Magnus shrugged and hugged his husband close, never wanting to let go.

“Thank you,” Alec whispered. “I know the Codex doesn’t say it. But thank you. For all that you do. For all that you are.”

#they own my heart and soul #malec #malec fics #malec fanfiction #tsc #dani writes stuff

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themagnusbane · 7 years

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Happy Birthday to my bae of life, my tumblr bestie, the ever-amazing @maiabaneway. Here’s a BatMaia drabble, dedicated to you like you requested because you deserve the world and so much more.

“Oceanography and Marine Biology. An introduction to Marine Science.”

Maia looked up from the beer she’d been building and met warm brown eyes twinkling back at her. Bat nodded as he ran his fingers over the front page of the textbook Maia had brought with her with the hope that she’d get some reading done in between her shift and be able to pull off her assignment.

She hadn’t gotten any reading done.

“I didn’t know you were a student,” Bat said.

“Yeah well. I’m taking classes online. Hopefully I’ll be able to transfer to Columbia sometime this year.” Her hand reached to self-consciously rub at the scar on her neck, but stopped when Bat’s fingers wrapped around hers, his expression one of concern, awe, and that lingering appraisal that she always skirted away from. She knew that look. Had been the recipient of that look for way too long. Except, there was something about the way Bartholomew Velasquez stared at her that made her breath catch, sent tingles down her spine and had her swallowing.

She did right then, tongue flicking out to whet her suddenly dry lips.

Bat’s eyes caught the movement and darkened, before they flickered up to meet her. And then he schooled his expression, smiled, released her hand and stepped away from the bar. “You should be proud.” At her confused expression, he nudged his chin at her textbook. “Not many people would continue with their dreams in light of…” He gestured at the Hunter’s Moon and the numerous Downworlders that filled the bar.

Something about the tone had Maia look at him sharply. She’d had that exact same expression shortly after she’d been turned. It took Luke pushing and prodding her to keep at her dreams and sign up for school. And even with that, she’d wasted months believing that her life was over and there was no way she could have a semblance of a normal life. There was no way in hell she was going to let Bat fall into that same trap. “You can have it all you know,” she murmured. Bat braced both hands on the bar and leaned forward, the scent of his sandalwood aftershave washing over her in waves. She so didn’t need to know what the man smelt like.

“I can have what,” Bat asked, his gaze not wavering from her face.

“You can be a werewolf, follow your dreams, hell even stay as close as you possibly can to your family.”

He scrunched his nose and eyed her warily in a way that made her chuckle. “Really. You can have it all. Trust me.”

“Like a lot of people are interested in having a werewolf DJ for them,” Bat muttered.

“You want to DJ?” Maia asked.

Bat nodded.

“I know someone who might be able to offer you a gig,” Maia replied, and chuckled when that made Bat perk up. “We’ll talk about it later,” she said and Bat nodded.

He walked away after that and Maia concentrated on stocking up the bar and attending to the customers that poured into the Hunter’s Moon. As she worked, she felt him, that stare that burned right through her from whatever corner of the room Bartholomew Velasquez had chosen to sit at.

“He’s in love with you, you know.” The words came from behind her, in a voice she hadn’t heard since Luke had taken her to Beth Israel Hospital to be treated, shortly after she’d turned and attacked a mundane.

She whirled around with a giant grin, laughing at the smirk on the other woman’s face. “Catarina!”

Catarina Loss chuckled and slid onto the stool across the bar, taking her seat beside Magnus, and making a face at Magnus’ choice of martini even as she reached for the beer Maia extended towards her.

She twisted the cap off, chugged down half its content, burped, loudly, and then set the bottle back on the bar. “How are you love?”

“Good. Good.”

“Heard you got a boyfriend, and then broke up with him.”

“Yeah Simon.” Maia shrugged. “We decided it would be best if we just remained friends.”

Catarina tsked and turned around, leaning her forearms on the bar behind her as she studied the crowd at Hunter’s Moon. “You should have brought him over to the hospital.” She turned to look at Maia and shook her head at her. “I can’t believe I lost my chance to meet the daylighter.”

“He’s not missing or dead you know,” Magnus grumbled. “You would get to see him well enough if you visited me more often.” When Catarina glared balefully at him, he took a sip of his drink. “It’s not my fault either that you weren’t home when I sent him and Raphael to come see you.”

Catarina rolled her eyes. “Yeah well, I blame you anyway.”

Maia snickered, and gave a shrug when Magnus glared at her. She calmed him down though by refilling his martini. That got her a wink and she chuckled.

“So tell me about Bat.”

Maia’s eyes automatically sort Bat and sure enough there he sat at the back, several tables away from Russell and his gang, a soft smile on his face as he stared right back at her.

Maia found her lips smiling right back, something in her heart clenched as she looked at the man.

“There’s nothing to tell,” she muttered, even though she couldn’t look away from him. “I just broke up with my boyfriend and Bat is…” she trailed off, the smile growing wider as Bat held up the copy of Paradise Lost that she’d left on the table.

Can I read it? He mouthed at her. She nodded, and studied him as he kept one finger in the page she’d stopped at, and flipped the remaining pages to the beginning so he could start reading. “He’s just a friend,” she finally finished, refusing to meet the knowing looks on both Cat and Magnus’ face.

He’s just a friend. Nothing more.

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bane--lightwood · 7 years

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I LOVE CATARINA LOSS OKAY I LOVE HER AND I WILL PROTECT HER SHE IS MY FAVORITE CHARATER NOW AND I’VE NEVER STANED A CHARACTER SO HARD AND SO FAST IN MY LIFE.

#FUCK I LOVE HER #I WAITED SO LONG FOR THIS #SHES AMAZING #shadowhunters #catarina loss #spoilers

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gummybearzgocrazyagain · 4 years

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MALEC FIC REC POST, vol.3

vol. 1

vol.2

Media AU

Society Rules by @Tiger_Tiger_Burning_Bright [it is apparently based on films i’ve never heard of - The Philadelphia Story / High Society - which does not make it any less entertaining. malec are childhood friends, who had a falling out 5 years ago, and now Magnus is back from London to interrupt Lightwood wedding, aka the social event of the season]

Making my way to you by @asharee_arie [woah, what was that??? is the correct answer “a perfect fanfic”?? what a muthafuckin delight, where has this gem been hiding this whole time??? i was on the floor, rolling around and squealing like a newborn piglet. Intended as some kind of Office AU, this piece does not necessarily follow the outline, but who cares, when the story, and characters, and author’s style are all that perf??? i am in luv]

Mistletoe and Margaritas by @nevermetawolf [this is legendary, and i mean, muthafuckin epic - Office AU so authentic you’d feel it in yo old bones... author calls it a crack fic, although it was anything but!!! major must read for those, who’s ever loved office, allllllll the kudos]

Once Upon a Time in the Clouds by @Fatale (femme) [one of my all-time fav authors, every time i come by a piece i have not read yet, is like a huge YAY, what a talent. so this piece is an AU of something called “sky high”, which i have no idea about, but luved it nevertheless, Alec is born to a family of Supers, and is going to school for children with superpowers, but he himself is yet to manifest any.]

Quite Magical by @lorenzobane [Hogwarts AU, and what an adorable thing it was! granted, i’ve never actually read any of HP books, this was such a delight though... alec is bad at potions, and magnus has to tutor him *wink*]

Chef AU

the way to a chef’s heart by @lecrit [okay, the GIANT SMILE one’s face acquires when one finds out there is a new lecrit fic ≧◠‿◠≦ ≧◠‿◠≦ ≧◠‿◠≦ was reading it, and legitimately squealing like a feral piglet all the way through, cause i fucking luv every single word this woman writes, is like a tiny endorphin explosions in my brain. i know am a hopeless fangirl, but i’ll die on this hill. the way she gets malec, and every variation of them in her works just makes me go (❁´◡`❁) every. single. time.]

kids in the kitchen by @perpetual_journey [cuteness personified, malec are both chefs, and magnus is a single father of max and rafe, and go and read ittttttttt, its that soft content we all need in our lives sometimes]

Knives at the Ready by @harrysglasses [restaurant AU, that is supposed to be a malec rendition of Burnt (am guessing it’s a movie...?), and what a sweet treat it was! i liked author’s style, this is the kind of smooth, unproblematic content one would require to take repose from all the heart-clenching longing i’ve been reading lately... delightful piece to ease thy soul]

Single Parent AU

I Knew From the First Time by @KlaineJane [emmm, excuse you, dear author, who gave you the right to use Rafe and Max to get to my heart, and be generally so fucking cute??? Alec is a single dad of both rascals, that has a meeting with the High Warlock of Brooklyn, and Chairman meets new friends]

And Then I Met You by @everydayfandom [malec are single parents of max and rafe respectively, and alec gets called in to school about the accident max was involved in...who doesn’t luv them some gud ol’ sweet piece of kidfic? those are like a soothing baths for your soul, and lightwood-bane kids are incapable of being anything less than extremely adorable in any interpretation, so]

College AU

Don’t say goodnight by @alistoney [this the kinda lighthearted content i am always here for - College AU]

One year and a bottle of whiskey by @CryptidBane [yassssss, yet another version of the College AU, but with malec as both clueless and pining professors, this type of fic i can read endlessly]

All is Fair in Love and War by @LadyOxymoron [aaaaaaaa, what was this adorableness *major heart-eyes* what a piece, mashallah, college professors AU, where magnus is new in town, and malec is engaging in an elaborate prank war, which, undoubtedly, is nothing more than a prolonged foreplay (c), what a gem]

Canon Divergence

oh, i’ve waited for you by @manticoremoons [so, the fic is happening a little bit further in a timeline, than the books or the series, and Alec is around 30, and... married to Lydia. i know, i know, it almost stopped me from proceeding, and boi am i glad it hasn’t completely, cause it is a damn good piece!]

Hey There Demons, It’s Me (Your Dream Boyfriend) by @thealmostrhetoricalquestion [how many recs of this author can i make, without being deemed obsessed? cause y’all should go and read every single thing they wrote, stat. this adorableness is outta this world, literally - magnus’ summoning went sideways, and the loft ends up populated with the teenage ghost-demon, who is very clearly enamored with alexander... all kinds of fluff ensue]

Something Else verse by @CryptidBane (Impetus) [maybe it’s my fever talking, but i am such a sucker for memory loss AUs, and SH fandom has the richest canon base for those, yay! this time, it’s an AU verse after 3x10: rather than asking for his magic, Asmodeus curses magnus by taking away memories from everyone who’s ever loved him, in exchange for freeing jace from lilith’s thrall... oh, what a beautiful and delicious angst ensues]

Home by @otppurefuckingmagic [waaaaaaaaat... *sits with her mouth open* how did you....? how did he...? damnnnnnnnnn you authors in this fandom, stop being so talented!!!! this is uncannily brilliant]

I’ll hold on until you’re home by @alistoney [how dare you sir, right in the feels... the missing scene in the midst of 3x18/3x19, when magnus realizes what his idiot of a boyfriend has done, and confronts him about the Asmodeus deal]

First time for everything by @nebulein [“Nowhere in a Shadowhunters’ job description does it read ‘must look adorable while infatuated with the local High Warlock’.” - series of firsts written with such tenderness and adoration for characters, that it warms your heart while reading, - it shows how much the author cares for them. it is not finished, but whatever has already been written, is gold]

Fake dating AU

The Great Repression by @CryptidBane (Impetus) [although it might not be exactly my regular cup of tea, i still appreciate this author’s style so damn much, and the way they do malec dynamic overall, so it’s here. magnus is a camboy, and alec is hired to protect him from a stalker]

Friends to lovers

Family is Family by @hexicity [my brains are fried by the covid, so any coherent rec would be unlikely right about now, but the softness of this <333 alec sees an ad about a free room, and when he moves in, he finds way more, than he bargained for... gave me a bit of a “happy, shiny people everywhere” vibe, and that’s an automatic rec in my books, so]

Spinning Around In Circles by @lemonoclefox [my fav friends to lovers/mutual pining trope, here you are, and what a pretty pretty wrapper are you wearing - absolutely amazing interpretation of a trope, that seems to has been done to death, and yet here i am, never able to get enough of it <3]

If it walks like a duck by @thealmostrhetoricalquestion [this. i was reading this. and after every single word. all i wanted to do was get down on one knee and propose to this person. i dunno who the hell you is, but.... how did you do this? it was... another level of fanfiction.]

Neighbors AU

Meow 17:1 Love Thy Neighbor by @high-warlock-of-brooklyn [again, not a fan of drabbles, but who could resist such softness??? Neighbors AU, where Chairman takes some lessons he learnt from “Parent trap” to heart, and alec is a stumbling mess, but he gets shit done, kudossssssss]

Various AU mix

Solid courage by @thealmostrhetoricalquestion [how goddamn CUTE was dat???? answer - the cutest. mashallah people in this fandom can write]

Paper Love by @thealmostrhetoricalquestion [it would not be an exaggeration to admit i thoroughly fell in love with this author’s style, i mean, all and every version of their malec is all kinds of awesome. this one is no exception - catarina works in the library, and malec have to take madzie out to a coffee shop, cause their obnoxious flirting is too loud for the quaint environment of catarina’s workplace.... it’s tiny and so so sooooooo sweet]

make no bones by @ohfreckle [yaaaaaaaaay, what a cutie, tiny preciousness about magnus having an awful day and taking it out on a no-good useless building super, simply delightful]

Freud is a Dick by @sanctuary_for_all [Alec works in IT firm, and accidentally sends someone else’s dick pick to his boss, whom he has a crush on... do i need to say more]

shadows in moonlight by @kaeg [damnnnnnn, son, that was a ride!! something exquisitely soulful, tender and so, so poetic... young malec meet in summer vacation home, and it will take your breath away in the best way possible... warning, it is unfinished, but whatever was written, is absolute preciousness]

For the Love of the Game by @TicklemyPickle [Hockey AU, where malec were childhood friends, but had a falling out, and were not in touch for the last 7 years, until magnus gets traded in to alec’s team... i was somewhat unsure about reccing this, as some of the choices author made regarding their dynamic did not exactly resonate with me, but decided to go on, because, god as my witness, one thing this world definitely needs more of - is malec Hockey AUs, word upppp]

Love Is A Gamble by @la-muerta [i myself do not completely understand, why has it taken me so long to get to the “The importance of elsewhere” author’s most famous piece, but i finally have, it was amazeballs, like, the world-building...? off the charts. the language, the moral struggle, what a gem. alec is a grumpy and surely sheriff *duh!!!* of a tiny town, and magnus strolls in being all... well, magnus-y, and opens a gambling house, the potential!!! anyway, i highly doubt this piece needs recs, so imma zip it]

@ohprongs [this author has too many tiny pieces i like to name them individually, but as far as reccing goes, they should def be mentioned here for their effortless, seamless style, and clear love for the characters in all interpretations, that simply shines through all and any AUs they choose to put malec in]

special mention:

@theleftboobgrabber [i wasn’t aware that at this stage it was still possible to come by someone like this. the author, who’s style would impress me so. that unbelievably glorious Mafia AU, absolutely delightful and literally perfect My mama don’t like you series, and something that went straight to my top-5 - MI6 AU ohhhhh, that MI6 AU... i have no coherent words to express the depths of my appreciation, this is unbelievable fucking talent for writing malec]

#malec #malec fic rec #malec fic #shadowhunters fic rec #shadowhunters

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egelantier · 3 years

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Yuletide Recs

Having had two days of more or less nothing but reading fics, I come bearing recs!

First of all, my amazing gifts:

The Goblin Emperor

For Thy Principles

The nohecharei of Edrehasivar VII were unparalleled in their defense of his person, but there were limits to even their prowess. When Maia first developed the fever, Cala quickly determined that it was not the end result of a magically-based assassination attempt – and from there it had to be left to the court physicians.

Maia falls ill, and Csethiro protects him as best she can.

Beautifully gentle Maia sickfic, with Csethiro holding him together. For me all for meeee.

Benjamin January Mysteries

Dry as a Bone

“Oh. Well, I’ve been better, maestro, been a hell of a lot better to tell truth.” Shaw stared at him for a long moment, and he was stunned to see honest to God grief in his eyes. Even when Shaw had just lost his brother he had been so much more himself than this lost man currently standing before him. “Not that I mean to put anything extra on your shoulders, I’m sure you’ve got enough of your own shit going on at present moment, but it seems like I’ve just lost my job.”

Shaw loses his job, and finally confronts Ben about trust (and lack thereof) between them. It’s GREAT.

The Tarot Sequence - K.D. Edwards

A Distraction Worth Losing

They may never be together, but the gods would have to move heaven and earth to split Rune and Brand apart.

Brand, Rune and The Kiss incident. (Poor messed up babies, somebody save them.)

And fics of the collection:

17776, Astreiant, Raksura, Frederica, The Gentlemen, The Goblin Emperor, Hades, Innkeeper Chronicles, Jeeves, Kate Daniels, King Arthur the movie, My Next Life as a Villainess, Nirvana in Fire, No. 6, Psmith, The Secret Garden, The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty, Swordspoint, The Tarot Sequence, Teixcalaan Series, The Temple of the White Rat verse

17776: What Football Will Look Like in the Future

so far, so fast

When Manny gets a craving for some fancy meal he had once, over ten thousand years ago, Nick decides he’s gonna fulfill that craving, no matter how hard it is. Because real romance is about making the impossible happen for his husband.

Goddamn transcendental.

Go Get It

Sometimes you start out just planning to get some groceries with your husband, and next thing you know, you’re committing to join the most hopeless team in college football.

Nick and Manny decide to play. It’s perfect.

Afterlife

A young man dies six months before the end of human death; his loss saves five lives, which end up much longer than anyone expects. (A series of worldbuilding vignettes about original characters in the 17776 setting.)

Made me cry, in a very cathartic way.

Astreiant Series - Melissa Scott & Lisa A. Barnett

April dressed in all his trim

A quiet evening in spring.

Sweet little slice-of-life with lovely sensory details.

Books of the Raksura

The Second Consort

“When Glow arrives, be friendly and welcoming,” Ember said. “Not scary.”

“Why does everyone think I’m going to scare him?”

Chime said, “They can see your face when you look at him.” He paused, glancing over at Moon. “That face, that’s the one.”

Ember sighed. “I remember being in his position. It’s pretty nerve-wracking coming to a new court and not knowing what’s going to happen to you there - whether they’re going to welcome you or shun you, whether you’ll make new friends, whether a queen is going to claim you…” He came and put a sympathetic hand on Moon’s shoulder. “Glow is probably worried about all of those things, and missing his home and clutchmates, and it’s our job to try and help him relax.” For a moment Moon thought he was just being soft-hearted, until Ember added, “He won’t open up and tell us what’s really going on unless he’s relaxed.”

Jade takes in a new consort, on Moon’s permission, and everybody is delightfully adult about it.

Frederica

Lady Alverstoke

Frederica commences her first Season as a married woman by planning a ball, promising most straitly that her husband will have nothing whatsoever to do …

Sweet and funny slice-of-life post-happy-ending for canon.

**The Gentlemen (2019) **

Even

The week after he intercepts Fletcher, that squirrelly little cunt, outside the London Miramax office, Raymond reluctantly ventures down to Brixton.

Under normal circumstances, Raymond tends to give this part of Brixton a wide berth, but he has unfinished business that needs attending to. Of course, that doesn’t mean he has to like being accosted by the overwhelming smell of greasy fish and chips when he pushes the car door open, doesn’t mean he has to be pleased about stepping into a piece of chewed-up gum the moment he sets a foot on the kerb.

But then, he can always take a shower after an errand in Brixton. The deep-seated discomfort of unfinished business doesn’t wash off that easily.

Raymond tries to pay Coach back for saving his life, and it doesn’t quite go as planned :D

The Goblin Emperor

The Archduke’s Discovery

Prince Nemolis goes on a journey, and learns a bit more than he wanted to know.

Really great point of canon divergence, and true and precise character voices.

Hades

all the spaces between us

For a place full of the dead, crammed with ghostly shades and nothing but the endless lull of eternity unchanging, gossip sure travelled fast in the Underworld.

Or, Zagreus mulls over his relationship with Thanatos while the rest of the Underworld get overly invested.

Slow, slow, slowest of burns.

Innkeeper Chronicles - Ilona Andrews

A Quick Trip

“It’ll be a quick trip,” Maud said, more to herself than to Arland. “No one will even notice we’re gone.”

Pirates are plaguing an ally, just outside of vampire space. Maud and Arland don some aesthetically beat-up armor and try to get more information from the pirates themselves. Of course, plans only last until you meet your enemy. Or your enemy’s giant alien attack boar.

Excellent canon voice, action/adventure sprinkled with badassery and hilarity.

Jeeves & Wooster

August Thirteenth

Discovering that this is not the first August thirteenth that he’s lived through, that certainly was a head scratcher. Luckily Bertie has the stalwart presence of his man’s man, Jeeves.

Very, very great and satisfying use of the time loop.

Kate Daniels - Ilona Andrews

lookin’ like a snack (cake)

It took Barabas a while to figure it out, because he wasn’t used to not being taken seriously.

Barabas considered several ways to phrase it, and finally settled upon, “Do you have a thing for twinks?” Christopher knocked his head back against the headrest: once, then again. “Is that a yes?”

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017)

When Goosefat Bill finds himself in a difficult situation, the last thing he wants is the King to show up and “help”, in his own unique and unexpected way.

Goosefat Bill does not need to be rescued by his King. But he might just enjoy it a little.

My Next Life as a Villainess (Anime)

All I Have To Bring Today

Catarina and Sophia had been discussing the latest in the Devilish Count series, and Sophia had mentioned how romantic the surprise picnic the count had planned for his lover was and how she wished for someone to surprise her like that.

“What about you, Catarina? Have you ever wished for someone to sweep you off your feet?” Sophia had asked.

Catarina makes a choice! As sweet and as hilarious as the canon.

Nirvana in Fire

Adverse Event

What a pitiful man must he have become, if the only thing he could provoke in bed was a monologue on his character flaws.

: or, the famous strategist mei changsu plays xanatos speed chess against truth serum: the fic.

Mei Changsu gets hit with an accidental truth serum; it doesn’t stop him from lying to himself, but it does buy Jingyan a clue.

Records of the Land of Xiang

There was something of Xiao Jingyan there, in the firmness of his jaw, the unforgiving slash of his brows, and most clearly in the eyes that neither saw nor conveyed deception. But Long Zhan was not Jingyan, could never be, no matter how much Changsu might wish otherwise, because Jingyan was dead.

In service to a very-much-alive Prince Qi, Jingyan dons a Jianghu-typical disguise and infiltrates the Jiangzuo Alliance to suss out this Mei Changsu fellow and see if he might be useful in helping them re-open the Chiyan conspiracy case. Basically, a slightly ridiculous premise where everyone is running around the Jianghu with masks, multiple identities, and secret agendas.

Fascinating and fun AU scenario that delves, among other things, into Mei Changsu the jianghu chef, not Sir Su the court schemer.

suffering as I suffer you

The first time Jingyan stays the night at Su Manor, he discovers an uncomfortable truth about Mei Changsu.

Excellent extrapolation of Mei Changsu’s illness into his nightly routine - with Jingyan watching…

Here, In Our Arms

With the world put to rights, however briefly, Xiao Jingyan and Mu Nihuang take the opportunity to make a fuss over their beloved Lin Shu, and will not take no for an answer.

Sweet moment of comfort.

Find the Coals Amid the Ashes

Despite Changsu’s assertions, Lin Chen is a well brought up person. He would never violate his host’s privacy during a social call. It would be inexcusable, for example, to break into a marquis’s private alchemy lab in the middle of said marquis’s birthday party, in order to search said alchemy lab for certain hard to find medicinal herbs, which one has reason to believe can be found therein. These would be the actions of a man without honour, of a man who has only desperation to his name.

Lin Chen crashes a party and makes a new friend.

The best team up ever :D

Dead Letters

Mei Changsu isn’t the only schemer in Da Liang.

Fei Liu fixes things, in the most Fei Liu way imaginable, and it’s great.

No. 6

All Good Things

In the midst of a crisis for No. 6, Nezumi returns to Shion’s side.

A reunion! And cuddling.

Psmith

The Psky Is The Limit

“As this ship’s Orator, my mission is still as it was in the beginning and shall ever be, world without end. It is to hail any message sent by comrades from outer space and pass it on to you verbatim. Well! The hour, I say, has come. The Word has come into being. Here comes Psmith, bearing news of great mirth: the intercom has spoken.”

(A Mike and Psmith Space AU)

Psmith in space! Hysterically funny Psmith in Pspace, at that.

Psmith Pops In

Psmith reached over and solicitously loosened Mike’s scarf, his fingers brushing the skin of Mike’s neck, and that young man, to his horror, felt heat creeping up from where gloved fingers brushed his bare skin. Really, this blushing nonsense was getting out of hand. Ever since Psmith had tried to take the blame in the case of the painted dog, Mike had developed an inexplicable habit of turning hot and cold around him, and these odd responses had become more and more frequent.

Very funny! And then very tragique! And then jussssst right.

The Secret Garden

The Space Garden

When Meri La Nix was sent from the Mars colony to live with her aunt at Missiles Wait Manor, nobody said she was the most disagreeable-looking child ever seen. But some of them thought it.

Beautifully inventive space retelling - with gardens, still.

The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty

The sky spinning above him

In which there’s a jewellery thief on the loose, Tang Fan plays dress up, gets a mild concussion and also a boyfriend.

Frothy, sweet, well-grounded and hot. Also hilarious (check the end note!)

truth in fiction

Three days after Wang Zhi leaves the capital, bits and pieces of his extensive library begin arriving at Sui Zhou’s house.

Sui Zhou is really committed to research and accuracy in Tang Fan’s porn. It’s delightful.

Time don’t fool me no more

“The electrician is a Tang dynasty spy,” he says, dumping some of his eggs in Tang Fan’s bowl.

Tang Fan nods, shovels more food in his mouth, and starts talking again.

Past or future, Tang Fan has Priorities. And Sui Zhou is weak.

Meeting at the End

Sui Zhou knew he never should have let Tang Fan go alone. He knew he should have gone with him.

Really, really great and desperate whump. Super satisfying.

clever boy

Tang Fan never spares a smile for any of the girls at Wang Zhi’s establishment, he’s noticed. That’s alright, though. It means Wang Zhi gets his attention for himself.

Wang Zhi falling, falling hard; it’s delightful.

a bold and brilliant sun

“You’re sure you didn’t do something to it? They don’t usually stall out,” Sui Zhou says. He looks away from Tang Fan, out the windshield at the endless rust-red of the planet.

Tang Fan pouts at this, and slumps down on the edge of the console, feet propped up at an absurd angle against the pilot’s seat. “You think I’d fake a mechanical issue just so that they’d send a sexy Fleet crewman out here to rescue me?” As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he giggles. “Okay, I would do that, but I promise that this time the problem is real.”

Space AU! Most excellent space AU condensing all there is to love about the canon in one perfect package.

Blind Taste Test

Wang Zhi invites Tang Fan to evaluate Joyous Brothel’s chefs — but it’s Tang Fan and Sui Zhou who are really being tested.

Wang Zhi, ever helpful :)

Authorial Intent

Sui Zhou and Tang Fan end up in hot water yet again. Kinky sex ensues.

Hilarious, kinky, heartfelt, and in character.

Swordspoint Series - Ellen Kushner

Chrysopoeia

It struck Alec that this would have been much easier if their positions were reversed. Richard would have known what to do if he’d been dragged back here with a hole in his gut. He was quite simply not supposed to be the one on this end of the equation. In fact, it was possible he had done something very bad to deserve this.

Richard is wounded, and Alex is coping. Excellent h/c and excellent bloodplay and sharp, painful slice of Alex’ POV, excellently rendered.

At first — this was just like him — he thought he was hearing god. But it was only the man in the bed, whose face had turned toward him on the ragged pillow.

The Tarot Sequence - K.D. Edwards

Third’s a Charm

Addam asks a favor of Brand.

Addam asks Brand for help, which ends up being exactly what Brand and Rune need.

Pretty good

Five times Brand crawls into Rune’s bed and one time Rune crawls into Brand’s.

Brand and Rune, through the years.

Teixcalaan Series - Arkady Martine

Also in the Act of Reaching

When Three Seagrass arrived at Lsel Station, she was, officially at least, traveling as a private personage. She had missed Mahit and the possibilities they’d both chosen to turn away from. She also had– would always have– a gaping hole in her life where Petal had once stood.

It was simply that, left on her own, Three Seagrass wouldn’t have let either absence drag her to the ass-end of beyond.

Reunion, metaphors and realigment. Subtle and clever and just right.

The (concept of the) World Was Wide Enough

Yskandr Aghavn comes to the world like a drowning man comes to shore, but he is living on borrowed time. Teixcalaan has so many wonderful things to choke on.

Teixcalaan has had his heart for all of his life, has elevated him, corrupted him, and discarded him.

It is Lsel that he thinks of as he dies.

Temple of the White Rat Universe - T. Kingfisher

If Grace Is Too Much

Zale is given a case by Bishop Beartongue which turns out to be more complicated and personal than a holy advocate-priest would prefer.

Clever and sweet and carefully shocking, but in a very right way.

Outreach

“We don’t generally assess the… cursédness… of objects, trees or otherwise,” Beartongue said.

Utterly delightful.

#17776 #astreiant #books of the raksura #sleuth of the ming dynasty #nirvana in fire #white rat universe #telxcalaan series #the tarot sequence #swordspoint #the goblin emperor #psmith #the secret garden #benjamin january mysteries #yuletide recs

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malec-ao3feed · 4 months

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The Lightwoods a Royal family

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/oiH2WQx by ritalaura2000 Let us start this new adventure. Alec here is the crown prince of the Shadowhunter kingdom, the beginning is rather difficult for our Nephilim, but clearly, he will meet his soulmate who will obviously help him. As always it is already written. I will post every Monday. Thanks to my beta Irene, you're amazing. Words: 2974, Chapters: 1/14, Language: English Fandoms: Shadowhunters (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: M/M Characters: Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane, Jace Wayland, Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood, Simon Lewis, Jocelyn Fairchild, Luke Garroway, Maryse Lightwood, Robert Lightwood, Max Lightwood, Catarina Loss Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Prince Alec Lightwood, Shadowhunter Alec Lightwood, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Smut, Falling In Love, Angst with a Happy Ending, Minor Character Death, Inspired by Young Royals (TV 2021), Hurt Alec Lightwood, Protective Magnus Bane read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/oiH2WQx

#IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #shadowhunters #tmi #malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #magnus x alec #malec fanfic #the mortal instruments

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echo-bleu · 3 years

Text

take me back to the start (3)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Read on AO3

For @moonlight-breeze-44 Ready for more angst? This was betaed by @jeanboulet who did an amazing job as usual 💙 Chapter warnings for description of depression and canon levels of self-harm.

Alec lowers his center of gravity, wincing when it pulls on his hip, and turns to face the petite form of Helen Blackthorn. She looks back at him steadily, taping the wrapper around her wrist in place.

She was transferred with him from the overflowing Alicante hospital to the New York infirmary after the battle, along with many other wounded Shadowhunters — Catarina probably saved hundreds of people single-handedly that week. Helen stayed in New York to recover and they became good friends, helped along by Aline who, as Alec discovered, followed wherever Helen went. She’d managed to get her mother to assign her as permanent Clave liaison to the New York Institute.

“Ready?” Alec asks.

Helen just nods and slips into a fighting stance. They’ve been training together as she learns to adapt to the loss of her lower left leg. Now eight months in, she’s already back at the level of most fifteen-year-old Shadowhunters, thanks to Izzy’s creative rune work on her prosthesis and her own stubbornness. She’ll be ready for the field soon. Alec sometimes feels pangs of jealousy as he struggles to keep up, knowing that his shattered hip will never let him get back to where he was before.

“I’m slowing you down,” he says as he picks himself up from where she just threw him on the floor. “I should assign you to train with someone else. Maybe Izzy? She’ll understand the readaptation process.”

Helen offers him a hand to stand back up. “You’re not slowing me down,” she says, shaking her head. “Sure, maybe I could keep pace with Izzy, but I think you underestimate the value of what we’re learning together. Being aware at all times of what the other is feeling, what our bodies are telling us. It’s like...parabatai training, but without the rune. I don’t want to stop training with you.”

Alec blinks in surprise. “I hadn’t really thought about it that way,” he says.

“I don’t have a parabatai,” Helen says. “I dreamed about it as a kid, but I figured out pretty quickly that no one would want to be bound to a half-Seelie. But I wanted to know someone so well that I could tell how they were doing at all time and be known in return.”

“It’s not exactly like that,” Alec says, rubbing at his parabatai rune. He hasn’t opened the bond in months, and yet he knows that Jace still feels the pain that leaks through. There’s so much pain, now, for both of them.

It’s a strange kind of irony, that they would both lose their lovers to amnesia, only weeks apart. Clary still remembers nothing, going about her mundane life, and Alec knows that Jace spends too much time watching over her. Alec avoids Magnus, now. It’s not hard, since Lorenzo Rey is still the High Warlock of Brooklyn, and Magnus hasn’t tried to contact him since he healed him.

Clary was forced to leave their world, and Jace hangs onto the hope the angel they summoned gave him, that she will be forgiven eventually.

Magnus made his own choice. Or rather, both Magnus and Alec made choices that led them here – separated and alone. There’s no going back.

“Being parabatai… We feel each other, but that doesn’t mean we know each other”, Alec says. “Jace didn’t know I was gay for the longest time. The bound was made for battle, to make parabatai the best warriors.”

Helen nods. “I’ll never have a parabatai, but I like training with you. I don’t want to stop.”

Alec opens his arms in surrender. “Fine, okay, I like training with you too. I’m getting a feel for your style, finally. And you’re starting to really take advantage of the way your body moves.”

“Seelie flexibility,” Helen winks. “You should try sparring with a full Seelie.”

“Yeah, well, right now I need a break,” Alec says, limping back to the bench at the front of the training room. “How are things with Aline?”

“She’s freaking out,” Helen laughs. “The wedding’s in two months and we’ve barely started planning. I don’t care, I’d elope to Vegas with her, but she wants it to be a symbol.”

“The first official Nephilim gay marriage,” Alec mutters. He swallows, looking down at his hands.

He had all these dreams, once. He wanted to marry Magnus in front of the whole Clave, show the world that relationships like theirs could work. It would have been beautiful. The first gay, inter-species marriage recognized by the Clave.

Now he’ll have to leave those firsts to others. Helen and Aline. Izzy and Simon. Hell, at this pace, even Underhill and Lorenzo Rey. Alec will get to watch them and see through them everything he gave up.

Alec’s dreams went up in smoke the day he made that deal.

Helen lays a hand on his arm. “I’m sorry, Alec.”

Alec shakes his head. “You don’t have to apologize that things are working out for you.”

“No, but I know how you miss Magnus.”

“I was going to propose to him, you know?” Alec sighs. “I had all these dreams about our wedding. And then I broke up with him the next day.”

They’ve talked about it, a lot. When Alec was in the hospital and his siblings had to handle the Institute, Helen was there with him. They have things in common that Jace and Izzy will always struggle to understand.

“You tried to help him,” Helen says.

“I broke his heart so badly that he couldn’t stand to remember our time together,” Alec murmurs. He nervously runs a hand through his sweaty hair.

Even now, there’s a knot in his throat so large that he can barely breathe. He hasn’t had a chance to heal. For five months, his whole life was reduced to the venom slowly overtaking his body, to the knowledge that he would not see the end of the year.

When he was dying, it was easier, in a way. He could tell himself that it would be better for Magnus not to remember. He could tell himself that his own suffering would soon be over, anyway.

Now he has to learn how to live without Magnus.

“Alec,” Helen says slowly, after a long pause during which she supports him silently, a hand on his arm. “I would understand if it’s too hard for you, but I want to ask you to be my suggenes.”

Alec chokes on his breath and coughs. “Me?”

“Yes. You’ve been...you’ve been my best friend, these last few months. I don’t know how I could have made it through all this without you. And...it seems like a good way to show that we’re both still standing. Together.”

Alec swallows and opens his arms to hug her. “Of course I’ll do it,” he says in her ear. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you,” Helen says, hugging him tightly.

Just as they pull apart, all hell breaks loose. They hear a commotion coming from the outside, at the back entrance just below the training room, people shouting like there’s a fight going on. Helen jumps to her feet and Alec follows as quickly as he can, grabbing his cane. He takes his bow and quiver from the weapons rack as he goes.

Two Shadowhunters are fighting by the elevator against three people clad in all black, including ski masks, wielding swords. Seraph blades. The intruders are also Shadowhunters. By the time Alec makes it there, Helen has joined the fray, making the match more even.

Alec lets his cane clatter to the floor and nocks an arrow. The closest intruder, the one now fighting Helen, is an easy target, and Alec shoots him in the shoulder, trying to incapacitate rather than kill him. The arrow flies a bit to the side and almost misses, but it gives Helen the time she needs to bring her opponent to the floor.

Underhill is already sitting on his own opponent, roughly pulling his arms behind his back. Alec concentrates on the third man, who is fighting an unarmed Jens. Jens is Alec’s second-in-command who handles the administrative life of the Institute, and he’s an older Shadowhunter who hasn’t been in the field in years. Against a well-trained opponent armed with a sword, he doesn’t stand a chance.

Alec’s shot flies wide. Jens’ opponent throws him to the floor and turns to Alec, rushing toward him blade first. Alec parries with his bow, but he’s quickly forced to let go of his bow and duck another blow. The blade glances off his shoulder, slicing through his shirt and his skin. Alec hisses and swipes at his opponent’s feet, making them both fall to the floor.

Alec cries out in pain as his hip gives out. His vision black around the edges, he struggles to get out from under the other Shadowhunter, who isn’t moving.

“Alec!” Helen calls from somewhere above him. Alec feels the dead weight of his opponent being lifted, and he scoots back hurriedly. Helen’s blade is protruding from the man’s back. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Alec says, though he doesn’t try to stand up. He tries to stop the flow of blood from his shoulder with his hand. “Thank you.”

Helen nods and digs her blade out of the body.

“Alec!” It’s Jace this time, who must have felt the pain. Alec can block the constant hum of pain from the bond, but not sudden bursts – that’s what the bond is for, after all, having each other’s back. Jace kneels in front of him.

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” Alec repeats. “Remove their masks,” he tells Helen. “We need to find out who they are. And how the hell they got in.”

Jace already has his stele out, and he hitches up Alec’s shirt to draw an iratze. It stems the flow of blood, but the wound is too deep to heal completely. That’s fine. Alec can deal with it.

(Magnus would have healed it with a swipe of his hand.)

“Let’s get you to the infirmary,” Jace says.

He guides Alec’s arm around his shoulders and hauls him up. Alec bites hard on his tongue as his hip seizes violently, and he hops on his good leg for a couple of steps. Jace gives him time to get his bearing. They’re good at this, by now. They’ve done this too many times.

Alec gives out orders all the way to the infirmary, even as he struggles to walk, and only reluctantly lets Izzy take over once she gets to the scene, after she’s fussed over him for a good five minutes. He lets one of the medics bandage his shoulder, as it doesn’t even need stitches after two iratzes.

Once they leave him there, sitting on one of the beds as he waits for someone to bring him his cane, he groans in frustration and runs a hand through his hair, pulling at it.

“Alec, what’s wrong?” Jace asks. Damn. Alec thought he’d left. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”

Alec shakes his head. His injuries are minor, something he’d usually shake off and go on like nothing happened. But unknown Shadowhunters somehow got into his Institute and attacked his people. “I missed,” he says.

“What?”

“I shot at him, and I missed. And my first shot was way off the mark. I’m not good for anything anymore.”

“You’ve missed hundreds of times,” Jace says. “You’re the one who keeps telling me that. In the middle of the battle, more arrows miss than reach their target. Things move too fast.”

“He wasn’t moving fast,” Alec protests. “I had a decent shot. But my balance was wrong. I shouldn’t have missed.”

Jace sighs. “You’re not back to a hundred percent yet. That’s okay.”

“I’m never going to be, Jace!” Alec snaps. “This,” he points down to his hip, “isn’t going to heal anymore than it already has. I’ll never go back to the field. I’m useless as a Shadowhunter.”

He’s useless, period. He hasn’t had his head in the game in month. Since Alicante. Since Magnus. He’s lucky that nothing major happened to the Institute since Jonathan’s death because he’d probably have messed up everything.

“So you’ll focus on the political stuff. You’re good at that. Practically no other Head does fieldwork anyway, especially in an Institute as large as this one.”

Alec shakes his head. The political stuff, as Jace puts it, has largely consisted in arguing with the new Inquisitor – an old-school homophobic asshole named Goldstream – and desperately missing Magnus at every Downworld Cabinet meeting, unable to focus to the point that the Lorenzo Rey has been threatening to stop coming altogether.

“I can’t, Jace,” he says, hating the unsteadiness of his voice. “I can’t do it. I should step down, let Izzy take over. She’s got the head for it.”

“Alec, you’re the one who created the Downworld Cabinet. You’ve always been the best at this. I know you miss Magnus, I know you’re hurting, but don’t throw away your career.”

“I’m never going to have a career,” Alec sighs. “The whole Shadow World knows me as the Nephilim who fell for a warlock. Most Shadowhunters think I whored myself out and the Downworlders hate me for breaking Magnus’ heart. Not very conducive to good cooperation.”

Jace closes his eyes in dismay. “Alec—”

“Whatever,” Alec waves dismissively as Helen knocks on the door. “Let it go.”

He steps down from the bed. His hip is still more sore than usual, but it will hold. “Any word on who those Shadowhunters are?” he asks Helen.

“We’ve identified them,” she says. “They’re separatists. Not Circle members, but part of this fringe of Nephilim who think we should stop dealing with the Downworld altogether. They swear that the dead one was their leader, but they couldn’t have been working alone. The wards shouldn’t have let them through, for one.”

“After the mess with the Forsaken, Dad had Magnus update them to let in only authorized people, rather than all Shadowhunters,” Alec says. “If they weren’t on the list, they shouldn’t have been able to get inside. Either the wards are weakening for some reason, or they had help from a powerful warlock.”

“Someone more powerful than Magnus?” Jace asks. “There aren’t many.”

“Or someone who knows how he works,” Alec points out. He learned a lot about warlock magic, dating Magnus for over two years. He takes a deep breath. “We need to call him.”

Jace tilts his head. “Are you sure?”

It took Jace and Izzy a long time, after Magnus had healed Alec, to accept Alec’s decision to stay away. They still think they could have convinced Magnus to take his memories back.

Alec doesn’t even know if it’s possible. Magnus is nothing if not thorough. He might have erased the memories completely, just so he wouldn’t be tempted to take them back. To hurt like that again.

Unbidden, Alec thinks of the stack of letters in his desk. Sheets upon sheets of paper detailing each moment of their relationship, the good and the bad, everything Alec can remember. He hasn’t looked at them since he woke up in Magnus’ loft.

He needs to learn how to live without Magnus. It will hurt, maybe until the day he dies, but Alec will do it for his family, for this Institute, for whatever good he can still do.

“He’s the only one who will know how the wards went down. And we need him to pull them up again.”

Seeing Magnus, though… Alec is tempted to hide, to let Izzy or Jens handle it and pretend he’s occupied elsewhere. But he can’t do that. He’ll need to learn how to function around Magnus, too, as long as they live in the same city. Even if it feels like a hundred stab wounds to his heart every time Magnus’ eyes cross his.

There’s a terrible kind of comfort in knowing the pain will never end. Like any grief, it will fade with time, until it doesn’t feel like he’s dying every time he thinks about it, but it will never go away fully. Nephilim only love once.

Alec feels a surge of sympathy for Lydia, who stood with him at the altar and would have married him, with her heart in shambles like Alec feels right now. She hugged him tight, when she came to visit while he was in the hospital, and back then Alec didn’t fully comprehend that she understood him like no other.

But Magnus isn’t dead. Alec still has his number in his phone, their endless thread of loving text messages now another gaping wound. He doesn’t pull out his phone, and instead asks for some pen and paper. He sends Magnus a fire message, formal and distant, and stares after the vanishing flames.

“You gonna be okay?” Jace asks.

Alec nods. Helen squeezes his arm and hands him his cane. His injured arm is thankfully not his cane arm, and his hip seems to be holding up. He hobbles out of the infirmary and down to his office to start dealing with this mess.

Magnus doesn’t reply for several hours. Alec figures that he must be with a client, or maybe the Institute has simply dropped to the very bottom of his priorities and he won’t bother coming until tomorrow. But in the early evening, he gets a fire message back. I’m outside.

He painfully drags himself over to the Institute’s entrance. His hip has seized up again, and even mundane painkillers aren’t doing much to help.

Magnus is waiting at the bottom of the steps, his outfit sharp and almost too shiny – armor. Alec can recognize it easily, the way his make up is a bit too pronounced, the unnatural shine in his hair. That’s how he dresses when he’s unsure and scared.

Alec hates that he notices it all, when all Magnus probably sees about him is the cane. He waves at Magnus to come up the stairs – he doesn’t think he could walk down and back up if he tried – and lets him in. He summarizes the events while they walk into the ops center, keeping it business-only.

“Alexander,” Magnus stops him, reaching out to put a hand on his arm. Alec flinches back, because the name feels like a balm and a match to his heart at the same time. He doesn’t know what he’d do with Magnus actually touching him. “How are you doing?”

Alec frowns and leans away from him. “I’m fine,” he says. Right, Magnus wants to know if his healing stuck. “Free of venom and all recovered.”

Magnus’ eyes travel down to his cane. Alec swallows under his gaze. He keeps wondering how it might have been, to have Magnus beside him as he got used to this new reality – that he’s never going to go back to the field. Never going to walk unaided again, to run, to move without pain. He wonders what Magnus – his Magnus – would have said and done.

He doesn’t want to hear what this Magnus, this version of him that Alec doesn’t know, has to say about it. “This has nothing to do with it,” he says curtly, gesturing at his leg. He turns away, waving at Izzy to come over. “Can you check the wards?”

“Of course,” Magnus says. “I will need some time to get through all the layers, if you want me to be thorough.”

Alec nods. “You can give me your bill along with your report when you’re done. I’ll see that it gets expedited. Thank you for coming so fast. Izzy, will you show him around?”

It’s hard, to remain all business like that, but it’s better than any alternative Alec can come up with. He watches Magnus walk away with Izzy and he can’t help noticing the little details, the way Magnus’ longer hair sits on his head, or his blue-painted nails. He aches to holds these hands in his own.

It’s been eight months, and the pain isn’t quite as fresh as the first day, but it’s not gone, either. He’s not at the point where he can fondly remember Magnus and not ache fiercely for what he has lost. The way he misses Magnus is visceral, and he can barely stand it some days, the way his insides feel twisted. He struggles to get up in the morning. He struggles to eat anything, and he knows he’s lost weight, even since his body is free of the demon venom. He sees himself gaunt in the mirror, and he can’t bring himself to care.

The worst is trying to sleep. Alec has never been a sound sleeper, but it’s gotten worse. In the year before their breakup, he and Magnus slept together every night, and any bed without him feels cold and empty. His nightmares feature the break up most nights, or the battle of Alicante, a mix of all the stress and trauma of the last few years – Angel knows he has enough bad memories to fill his nights.

But it’s the good dreams that Alec dreads. The ones where he’s in Magnus’ arms, all warm and soft. Because then he has to wake up to an empty bed and remember what he’s lost all over again.

“Sir?”

Alec starts and almost overbalances, catching himself on the corner of the ops table. “Sir, are you okay?” It’s Underhill, who is frowning in concern.

“I’m fine,” Alec grits through his teeth.

Underhill doesn’t argue. “This came for you from the Consul’s office,” he says, handing Alec an envelope. “I put the rest of your mail in your inbox, but this seemed important.”

Alec takes the envelope and quickly opens it, while Underhill politely takes a step back. He skims through the letter from Jia Penhallow, then frowns and reads it again, more carefully.

It’s a job offer. An entirely unexpected one.

Alec stares for a moment at the letter, a little stunned, then he slowly folds it back into the envelope. It doesn’t call for an immediate answer, and he has a lot to think about – not to mention urgent issues to fix, namely the intrusion, before he can even start to think about it.

“Put this on my desk, I’ll deal with it later,” he give it back to Underhill, who watches him curiously. “If anyone looks for me, I’ll be in the training room.”

“Sir, are you sure you should?” Underhill dares to ask, hesitant.

Alec just glares at him until he backs off. “I want detailed report on the interrogation of the intruders,” he says instead of answering. “Yesterday.”

He’s rarely this stern with his people, but he’s too tired and frustrated to police his tone. Underhill straightens and nods formally. “Yes, sir.”

Alec turns away and makes his way to the training room. He changes into sweats, careful of the new bandage on his arm, and takes out his bow and his quiver.

He tries not to think about Magnus being in the building. The attack on the Institute just showed him that he’s been resting on his laurels far too much in the last few months, since Clary killed Jonathan. They haven’t had any major threat, nothing beyond the usual demon nests sprinkled over the city and Downworlder/Mundane issues to settle, and Alec has lapsed in his duty. He hasn’t asked anyone to take care of the wards, or implanted the exercise routine he was working on before Alicante, before he broke up with Magnus. He’s let his personal life interfere with his duty.

Worse, his performance today was abysmal. Alec has had to adjust his expectations of himself a lot since his injury, but missing his shot like that… It shouldn’t have happened. If he can’t fight enough to defend himself, he has no business running an Institute. He’s a liability.

Jia’s letter comes to his mind again. If he’s to accept her offer...

He empties half his quiver into the fifty yard target. His arrows all hit the target, but some of them are nowhere near the bullseye. Alec groans and tries to focus, taking a painful step to align with the second target, at sixty yards.

In a practiced move, he nocks an arrow, ignoring the way his arm stings. He draws the string up to his chin and settles there, paying attention to his posture. His hip isn’t strong enough to take most of his weight anymore, and too stiff – he has to lean on his left leg, throwing his whole body off balance. He’s started to adjust to that, but his posture is still too unstable.

He lets the arrow go. It hits almost an inch off the bullseye, and Alec sighs in dismay. He empties the rest of his quiver, taking the time with each arrow to adjust his posture, and his aim gets progressively better, but still nowhere near his previous level.

Yet another thing he’ll have to get used to.

The walk up to the target to retrieve his arrows and back is painful and harrowing. Alec leans into the pain almost in spite of himself, letting the burn in his lungs and the throbbing of his hip feel like punishment.

After two repeats of this, he’s holding back tears of frustration and pain. His entire body is sore, his shoulders aching from the undue strain and his hip sending shooting pains down his leg and all the way up to his neck. He powers through until his aim is good enough to satisfy him, even temporarily, then stops caring and keeps shooting for the sake of shooting. He gets a second quiver of unruned arrows just so he won’t have to walk all the way to the targets again and shuts out the outside world, narrowing it to just the tip of his arrow and the target.

It’s easy. It feels good, even if he knows he’s abusing his body in a way he’s going to pay for. He can’t bring himself to care.

He’s almost forgotten that Magnus is even there when he’s interrupted mid-draw.

“Alexander! I’m all done.”

Alec’s arrow flies wide and he curses under his breath. What kind of archer is he if he gets distracted so easily?

“Magnus,” he says, lowering his bow but not looking at his—at him. “Did you find anything?”

“A warlock helped take down the wards, but I could not identify them,” Magnus answers. Alec squirms under his stare. He hates that he both wants nothing more than to be somewhere else and wants to hug Magnus and never let him go. “I pulled them back up and fortified them, so that a similar attack cannot happen again.”

“Thank you,” Alec says. “Is there really no way to know who it was? Wouldn’t they have to be more powerful than you to take down your wards?”

“Or know my patterns,” Magnus agrees. “But in this case, they exploited a flaw that was there because the wards hadn’t been updated in too long.”

Alec grimaces. It’s his fault. He knew the wards needed work, it’s been on his to-do list for months. He put it off because…

Because it required calling Magnus in.

He put the whole Institute in danger because he can’t keep his personal life separate.

“Do you need a little warlock TLC?” Magnus asks.

Alec looks up sharply, the flashback jarring. Magnus must take his shock for confusion, because he gestures to Alec’s arm. “Your sister told me that you were injured in the fight.”

“My sister should mind her own business,” Alec mutters, trying to hide the pit opening in his stomach.

“She was simply recounting the events, as it is,” Magnus defends her. Alec doubts that Izzy lost an occasion to meddle at least a little, but he doesn’t comment.

“I’m fine,” he says instead.

“You don’t look like you’re fine,” Magnus insists. His voice is gentle, though it lacks some of the warmth that Alec has come to associate with him, the familiarity that his heart is weeping for.

Alec stares for a moment, eyes riveted to Magnus’ lips, to the curve of his nose – everything but his eyes, too intense and soulful, unbearable. He’s about to turn him away with something scathing, but he almost wants to—

He wants to hug him, to feel safe like he never has outside of Magnus’ arm, to let go for the first time in months. He wants to cry his heart out and be held.

He wants Magnus.

“I don’t know what to do,” he murmurs.

It’s a bad idea, and he knows it. He’s staying away from Magnus for a reason. He has to respect Magnus’ choice, especially now that Magnus doesn’t even remember making that choice. Anything else is abusing his trust.

But now that the word are out, Alec can’t stop. “It’s like...everything’s been turned upside down. I’m trying to run this Institute, and work with the Downworld Cabinet, and it’s everything that I dreamed of growing up and yet...I can’t do it, Magnus. I can’t be what they expect me to be. I can’t—I can’t live like this.” I can’t live without you.

“Alexander,” Magnus starts, but he trails off. He reaches out, and this time Alec lets him, leaning into his touch. It’s just a hand on his arm, light and unsure, but it feels—

Wrong. They can’t do this. Not now, not like that. Alec would give almost anything to go back in time, to fix this, to stop Magnus before he removed his memories, but – no, he wouldn’t. Magnus is happier with his magic and without his memories. What Alec feels doesn’t matter.

“I don’t know what to do,” he repeats brokenly.

“You can’t change things outside your control, but you can change your own life, Alexander,” Magnus says compassionately. “Do what’s in your heart.”

Alec makes a strangled sound and closes his eyes, stepping away from Magnus. “I can’t,” he chokes out.

He flees. As much as he can when he first has to put back his bow and get his cane. His arrows stay scattered on the targets, and he abandons them and Magnus, limping to his bedroom.

He hops into the shower, cursing at the time it takes him to undress and walk in. He runs water directly over his face and lets it hide the pouring tears. He collapses onto the recently installed shower seat, sobbing.

He can’t breathe. He swallows water and tears, choking, and hits his head hard on the shower wall. He hasn’t broken down like this since Magnus healed him of the venom – maybe since he was in the hospital in Alicante. Since the day Maryse quietly announced that Magnus didn’t remember any of them.

He doesn’t know how long he stays in the shower, but when he finally calms down, there is no light coming from the tiny window in his bathroom and his hip is killing him. He narrowly avoid falling on his ass as he gets out, hopping on his good leg, his head swimming from exhaustion.

He goes through the motions of drying himself and pulling on clean sweat pants, groaning when his body refuses to bend. He hates how hard everything has become, even dressing himself. He re-bandages his arm and runs the towel over his face a few times, trying to erase the redness of his eyes to no avail.

When he comes out of his bathroom, Izzy and Jace are both sitting on his bed. Figures.

“Alec!” Izzy welcomes him with too much brightness for it to be genuine.

Alec doesn’t answer and collapses between his siblings. They scoot over until they’re all lying on the bed, with Alec in the middle. He slips his arm under Izzy’s head, relishing the pressure of her weight on him.

“Magnus was here,” Jace starts in a low voice. Alec wonders how long they’ve discussed what they’re going to tell him. He knows they’re worried. They’ve had a rough year. He wishes he could erase it all, make things easier for them. Erase the concern, the fears, the pain.

Erase himself from their lives.

Alec blinks against the thought and breathes through his mouth.

“Yeah,” he forces out, his voice hoarse.

“How did that go?”

Alec shrugs, his shoulder hitting Jace’s. The wound on his arm stings.

“He was concerned,” Izzy says. “I walked him out. He said you ran away.”

“He—” Alec trails off. He doesn’t know how to express it. “Seeing him, it’s hard. I’m not ready.”

Izzy sighs.

“Look, I know we’ve had this conversation a dozen times, but I still don’t get it,” Jace says. “Why don’t you just tell him everything? Asmodeus is dead. All of Edom is gone. Your deal doesn’t hold anymore.”

“You don’t know that,” Alec sighs, not in any mood to rehash this again with his siblings.

“Come on, that’s a bogus argument and you know it. You only broke up with Magnus because of the deal. Doesn’t he deserve to know that?”

Alec shakes his head. “I need – we need – to respect his decision.”

“But he wouldn’t have made it if he knew about the deal!” Jace exclaims.

“You don’t know that,” Alec repeats.

He doesn’t believe it, not completely. Things would have gone down differently, had Magnus known about the deal. But that’s exactly the issue: he didn’t. They don’t know what could have happened, and they can’t make decisions based on that.

“Alec,” Izzy starts quietly. “What’s the real reason why you won’t tell him?”

“He’s okay,” Alec says in a low tone, almost a whisper.

“What?”

“He’s happy. Or he will be. He has his magic back, and he can go on with his life. All I brought him was pain and heartbreak and danger.” Alec swallows. “Even if we’d managed to be happy together, it would have been just a few years, a blink in his lifespan, before more heartbreak. It’s better that way.”

“But what about you?” Izzy asks. She has that same look on her face, as the first time she asked him that. But she was sad and resigned, then. Now she’s...angry.

Alec shrugs. “I’ll survive,” he says.

“Bullshit,” Izzy says through her teeth. “Surviving isn’t enough, and you’re barely doing that.”

“You think we can’t see how badly you’re doing?” Jace asks, now just as angry. “You’re not sleeping, Alec. Not eating. I can feel your pain, twenty-four seven. You can’t go on like that.”

Alec closes his eyes. He’s just admitted the same thing to Magnus, but hearing it from Jace and Izzy, from the people in his life who actually know what’s happening…

“I have to,” he murmurs. “It will get better, eventually.”

He doesn’t believe it, even as he says it.

“Will it?” Izzy asks doubtfully.

Alec doesn’t answer and buries his face in his pillow.

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