#catherine when shes with david: oh my god. this fucking guy again

[nat-20s]

I fucking LOVE that Donna is not immune to being a little starry-eyed over The Doctor in the way that many of us get a little starry-eyed over our best friends but she IS immune to being that way in front of them lmao. Double love that this appears to also be Catherine Tate and David Tennant's dynamic

#catherine in solo interviews: davids a phenomenal actor and genuinely one of the best people ive ever worked with and a dear friend #catherine when shes with david: oh my god. this fucking guy again #donna talking to wilf: hes absolutely brilliant and honestly a little magical and i miss him a lot i think we should be at each other sides #donna the second she sees the doctor: SUP DIPSHIT #doctor who #donna noble #tennant doctor

[greytoiletpaper]

Out on Allen Street, it’s 7 in the Morning

Set in the same-ish Street Siblings universe as First Contact by @cryptids-and-muses and @a-sketchy-character @streetsiblings (they’re awesome), I present my own built-on concept. It’s a bit angstier but sue me I’m an angst ball

AO3 | Deluge

Chapter 1: Drizzle

Jason Todd loved the rain. He remembered it pattering on the roof as he dozed off into the night, curled up with Sparky. Times spent splashing in puddles. Drawing a rare smile from Catherine as bright as the morning sun. Days without Willis, his head stuck in a worn copy of Huckleberry Finn and the ambience set only by the rain as it tracked ran down the window he leant on.

It was raining when Jason woke to his mother’s lax corpse, ears drowning out every sound except the rain’s as it plinked in time with the droplets that dripped down her arm.

--

In front of her, Faizul’s corpse is still. So still that Cassandra Cain can almost block out how the man’s body only radiated pain and fear and agony so strong-and-she-did-that-with-her-hands-her-hands-so-red-and-.

But she can’t, her head is still drowning in the memory, and all she can think about is the fear emptiness that settles in her body. Her gift to understand movement as if it were a language, she learns, is nothing more than a curse when Death comes by her hand. She wrings her red fist, as tainted as her soul because of what she had done. She looks away.

Father David has his arms outstretched, a smile so sharp and so bright that if he were any other man, she would have thought he was proud. He is, but underneath, Cassandra can see nothing but sick and profound glee at what she can do. The decision is easy.

As Cassandra springs out the window, its hinges blew wide open, her father David keeled over, the sky crackles and runs with the long red rivulets off her arms.

--

Now, five months later, Jason ducks his head under the fire escape in an empty alley, the rain in a duet with the nightlife of Gotham. He allows himself some respite as it steadily washes the grime off his surroundings, a pleasant ratatatata above the ambient din that is the dark of Gotham. He is so tired, but he’ll have to move soon if he wants to stay out of sight of kidnappers and killers and whatever else haunts the shadows of Gotham.

A howl slices through the Gotham night as some mug gets his face slammed into a wall. Jason knows this because he can see it right now as the same mook gets decked by a – a girl. Anyone on the streets knows that girls can hold their own but seeing some thirty-something-year-old man get his ass handed to him by a pixie of a girl – he thinks she’s his age, somehow – is something else. Seriously, the guy looks terrified out of his mind as he runs with his tail between his legs after a particularly nasty hit to his crotch.

As if sensing his gaze, the girl snaps her head to him, locking him in place.

“Uh… Hi?” Jason raises his hand in an awkward wave which the girl mimics, albeit a bit stilted, her head on a tilt. The silence between the two of them stretches until the girl seems to see something in him and nods. Out of ideas, Jason digs around his bag and produces a fresh enough apple.

“I’m Jason.” He points to himself.

A beat, and then the girl repeats the gesture.

“Cuh, cuh, cuh,” She struggles with the words, her forehead pinched. “Cuh, ah, ssss.”

“Cass?” The girl nods again, this time rigorously. Unsure of himself, Jason raises the apple to her. “Well, nice to meet you, Cass. You hungry?”

Cass grins, her eyes twinkling as she bites into the apple. Around them, the rain lessens. Just a little.

--

She watches two of her most precious children draw closer, children who will laugh and cry and burn for her love. Gotham watches them come, raises her arms, and weeps with her joy.

“Jason and Cassandra against the world,” Is what Gotham would have said if she had a voice. For years, the city is content to watch her children. She observes Jason and Cassandra as they starve, as they fight, as they grow. On one night, the weather nothing but pluvial, she witnesses them come across the strange car in the alleyway owned by her first child. On that night, she watches as the Dark Knight comes across her most perfect pair of children.

--

“Cassandra,” She looks up at the man they had been living under for the past two months, Bruce. She makes no answer, only staring blankly at him–they were betting on seeing how long it took for the man to get uncomfortable when she does that–who stares back. He continues as if they had not been staring for a full minute, which is not to Cass’ benefit. “Do you know where Jason is?”

Cass, willing to keep trying, keeps her gaze unrepentant. Under her scrutiny, the Dark Knight’s demeanour finally cracks a little. Internally, Cass is ecstatic, but she still really wants to milk it as she keeps up the act.

“Someone call for me?” Jay comes down the stairs. Finally, Cass can break her façade.

“Good morning, slob.” The slob, honest to god, freezes.

“No,” He grinds out of his teeth.

“Yes,” Cass gives him a crooked smile. “slob.”

“Am I missing something here?” Bruce is frowning. Oh right, he was ignorant to their scheme.

“Slob,” Cass repeats with feeling and delights at Jay’s fuming. “S-L-O-B. It means Stupid-Loser-Of-Bets,” She looks Jay dead in the eye again and calls him by the name.

Bruce frowned even further (his body projects such honest confusion that Cass almost laughs). “I was not aware you two had made a bet.”

“A bet I lost because of you, old man!” Jay pipes up, suddenly fuming at Bruce. “You’re Batman, and you can’t even keep from cracking when some girl stares at you for longer than a minute?”

Cass does not hold in her laughter anymore, something she broadcasts to all gathered. Bruce sighs, but at least he waits for her to calm down before he gets to his point.

“Regardless… I need you two to come with me to my office,” As the man leaves, the two share a glance.

“You gonna go after him?”

“You first, slob,” Jay grumbles the entire way to the office, where Bruce waves them in.

For a few seconds, the man awkwardly shifts before he pulls a sheaf of papers from behind his desk.

“I… I quite enjoy having the two of you here. With me,” Bruce admits, looking both of them in the eyes. He takes a deep breath. “I do not want to force this on either of you, but I would love to have you here with me for longer.”

“Permanently, even.”

Bruce lays out the papers on the desk, ‘Adoption Applications’ printed at the top. The letters draw a sharp breath from Jay, and Cass is confident enough with reading to understand what it means.

“Yes,” They both say immediately, and Bruce’s face goes softer than either have ever seen it.

When he asks for their surnames, Cass thinks about saying Cain. Instead, she says Todd.

Shyly, her russet orbs meet his azure ones expecting anger, but everything about Jason only projects love and acceptance. Her grin, something she had not got right yet, is almost identical to the one her brother wears.

“Always wanted a sister. Can’t do much better than you, eh, Cass?”

“Yes Jay,” she pauses. “slob.”

Outside, the sky is open in a light drizzle.

--

If there is anyone in the Waynes that Jason thinks is his favourite, it would be Alfred. An opinion he thinks Cass would be hard-pressed to disagree with. Of course, Cass is still in awe about the fact that Bruce Wayne is Batman (and isn’t that just fucking crazy), so it’s understandable. Conversely, Jason still remembers his first memory of the butler, a kind smile and welcoming arms that promised care for both of them.

“Master Jason,” The boy had looked up to see a crinkle in Alfred’s eyes that he had only ever seen from Catherine. The butler continued, somehow even softer than his usual. “Would you like me to fix that for you?”

Alfred gestured to Jason’s battered copy of Huckleberry Finn that he had cradled self-consciously to his chest. He refused, unsure why the butler seemed to be delighted to see Jason in the way only Cass and his Mom did. But there is something so trustworthy about the man that part of Jason is sure Alfred would do things like that no matter what he asked. So, automatic favourite.

--

Their older brother, Dick (“Aptly nicknamed,” Jay mutters under his breath.), yells whenever he comes to the manor. Most of his visits tend to cycle between him screaming at Bruce or yelling about them. He does make an effort to be a little quieter when he’s talking about the latter. Although, he still looks at Jay with an indecipherable mixture of emotions in his eyes. A pool caught between anger and something unknown to them. It’s not something that upsets Cass, but it puts both of them off, nonetheless.

On the other hand, Barbara is a little more forward in her dislike of the new kids. More often than not, her ire seems aimed at Cass specifically. Privately, Cass thinks Barbara was still angry about Bruce taking her role as Batgirl and giving it to Cass. But, she can see how every time the older girl gets less hostile, another part of her body was long past the role anyway. So, she doesn’t hold it against Oracle.

--

“C’mon Cass, repeat after me,” Jason waves the pages in Cass’ face, which elicits a giggle from his sister. Her giggling unbalances the both of them, so they have to waste another couple of minutes to make themselves comfortable again.

“What’s the use you learning to do right when it’s troublesome to do right and ain’t no trouble to do wrong, and the wages is just the same?”

Cass repeats the words, but she struggles at ‘troublesome’, so Jason repeats it for her. Silence, and then.

“What mean?” He thinks she isn’t asking about the word.

“Well, Mom used to say that it was just that. It might be harder to do the right thing, but it’d be better since you at least did it properly,” Satisfied, his sister merely nods and tries the words again. This time, she only takes three tries until she gets ‘troublesome’ right.

“I think she would have liked you,” He murmurs between phrases and instantly regrets it when Cass’ head turns to him so sharply she jostles him. He is about to brush it off when she nods her head shyly, snuggling closer to Jason.

He thinks, as they keep reading, that things are going to turn out alright. He has Robin now, and Robin gives him magic. Not only that but he’s also got Cass as Batgirl. Sure, she has that weird stitch mask covering her face, but it’s so fitting that he cannot imagine Cass with any other kind of costume. He knows her, and she knows him. For years she has been the sister he never knew he needed.

Together, Jason muses, they’re going to shake the whole damn world.

--

Whether they're from the Justice League or otherwise, everyone is always ready with a snide comment directed towards them. Or, more specifically, Jason. They use words and insults that don’t make sense to her, but she can see them affect her brother. When she asks, all he does is brush her off with lies and platitudes that they both know are fake. It isn’t until Troia huffs and says something that has waves of hurt rolling off Jason’s body that Cass decides she’s had enough.

“Honestly, I can’t believe you’d think you’d ever be like – ow!” Troia, poise flooded with nothing but condescension (she’s too angry to be elated at remembering a word Jason taught her) that Cass quickly corrects with a sharp jab. Like a deer in headlights, she turns and somehow has the gall to look indignant (another word). “Who did – Batgirl?”

“What, are you doing?” Troia fucking blinks. “Why are you treating my brother like this?”

She doesn’t even look guilty.

“Oh, don’t worry about all that. I don’t think it’s anything you’d understand anyway,”

She bends down towards her, apparently not noticing how still she is. Anyone who knows anything about Cassandra Todd knows her stillness means Death. Evidently, Troia is an exception. She's the only one in the room that's relaxed.

“Some people are simply born for this role. No street rat can ever hope to achieve that.”

Cassandra moves before anyone even blinks, her arms a flurry of jabs and punches and vicious kicks as she catches Troia off guard. Even when she finally regains her footing, the Amazon doesn't stand a sliver of a chance as Cassandra lays into her.

A block from Troia awards a savage stomp on her shin. A punch ducked under and followed through into a sequence of blows to the Amazon’s chest. When Troia grips her lasso and tries to restrain Cassandra, the girl only slinks her way past and wrestles it from her hands. Quickly and efficiently, she wraps it around the Amazon’s waist and pulls. For someone so small, Cassandra manages to lift Troia with the lasso with enough strength that when she releases it, the Amazon goes flying into a pillar in the Watchtower with a sharp crack.

Cass picks up her brother and shields him from the Leaguers, indifferent to their shocked and judgemental eyes.

The message is clear.

Even though they’re lost in a veritable sea of people, it still ends up being just the two of them, and Cass is more than okay with that.

Next chapter

#street siblings au #jason todd #cassandra cain #fanfic #fanfiction #my fic #robin #batgirl #red hood #black bat #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #dick grayson #barbara gordon #donna troy #ok i know people might not like what happens to donna #but guys cmon #she was honestly such a dick to jason in the early comics #cass and jason find each other #some things change #other things don't change at all #dc comics #fluff #angst #dc #batfamily #character study

[graduate-of-juilliard]

I am so happy for you!!! can you tell us more about THE EXPERIENCE™

I can but you should know that the can you opened with this ask has an ungodly amount of worms

-met both David and Kerry at stage door, Kerry said she liked my sunglasses (I painted them and she thought they were official merch at first) and when I told David adam was my favorite character he said “MINE TOO!”

-“sometimes puppet shows are sad :(“

-the person at stage door who gave me a plastic baby

-miss 👏 Argentina 👏 talks 👏 like 👏 this 👏 meme 👏

-Delia dabbing

-Delia dabbing the second time

-Delia fortnite dancing during no reason

-“never change Charles” “I think I already have” “oh. Then go fuck yourself”

-“and THAT is how I- “made nachos” with Catherine Hepburn!”

-“he’s so MEAN TO ME! I’m his 5th wife!/I was STOMPED ON by a dressage horse”

-god the chase scene in the netherworld was incredible

-the fucking SET I COULD GO ON FOR HOURS it was so cool how it moved and the attic and the sign and the lighting the LIGHTING and the pyrotechnics

-“Delilah.” “Delia!” “we didn’t hang out much”

-every time beej talks about his mom

-i entered the theatre with my parents. 3 people total. We left with 7 playbills

-spent 165 on merch because it’s pricy!

-beej’s hair.

-Charles and Delia’s relationship

-the knife pig!

-“this guy knows what I’m talking about”

I’m gonna stop now because this list is already so long it was incredible and I already wanna see it again

#hi! i’ll be your guide! #dan speaks #it was incredible.

[sailorzakuro]

SCD Week 1 Thoughts

So they’re uploading the videos now so HERE WE GO.

Alex and Neil - In the words of Frankie Boyle, they were surprisingly rubbish XD. Idk I guess I expected more from Alex considering how hyped she was but fuck that was... disappointing. Her posture felt weak, her arms in hold were just floppy and she didn’t have the right poise for a quickstep. She had the energy but she just looked awkward. I mean I’m happy for Neil getting a partner and all but doesn’t mean I have to like her XD.

Chris and Karen - MY KING WAS ROBBED FIGHT ME. Yes of course it wasn’t amazing but my god there were a few I thought were worse than him but the judges absolutely tore him apart I was shocked. He was loose and his posture and hands were lazy, but I thought his footwork was pretty good. He had amazing energy and I loved his “push out stomach” (you know when they do the open move in cha cha cha the pros always push their stomachs out and their arms are right behind them, celebs don’t usually do that but Chris did), I think the judges were a little harsh on him, and he’s a king and I love him.

Catherine and Johannes - It was a very sweet dance and Cath isn’t that bad. Her top’s a little stiff and she did seem to stumble a little bit out of hold but overall she was quite nice.

Saffron and AJ - (why do I have to watch this again ugh) OVERMARKED fuck I hate her attitude, she had the complete wrong energy for a tango it felt like a gimmick. Her “tango hand” was meh okay but she looked like she was going to fall over a few times. I think the choreo itself let them down though it was just... BLAGH. They played on her internet youth too much for it to be a serious tango.

Mike and Katya - K honestly I have no idea what the judges were thinking that looked bloody awful where I was sitting. He had energy and stamina and... that was it? He was stiff, his movements didn’t flow, he was flying about all over the place, he had no balance or coordination. His legs moved and his top half just kind of moved with it. It even made Katya look unbalanced, it had no grace whatsoever. Entertaining but fucking shocking.

V.Emma and Aljaz - I loved them feeding David James in the VT that was sweet XD. Ngl warming to V.Emma a little bit after this, I’m liking her energy XD. She was maybe TOO graceful for a cha cha cha? It wasn’t sharp enough, her technique and footwork was pretty good but she lacked hip action and body movement. However, would love to see more of her.

James and Luba - Aaaaand the winner of stupidest song choice goes to... wow this was bad XD. He looked like a grumpy father who was forced to dance with his daughter at her wedding. His posture was like me during exam season, he seemed to just kind of walk around with Luba?? I don’t think he had a tango face it was more of a... resting bitch face.

Kelvin and Oti - Wow the guy who comes in late beats everyone how much has that got to suck? XD. And I thought the guy had no chance OTI DELIVERS A GREAT SAMBA AGAIN. Only thing I would say is that his arms were a little stiff sometimes but HOLY FUCK KELVIN HAS SNATCHED MY WEAVE. Sometimes I didn’t quite know what was going to happen but shit man, just... I have no words.

David and Nadiya - And these 2 win funniest dance concept of the night. I don’t think he was too bad actually. He certainly lacked dynamics, especially in comparison to Nadiya, and his head seemed a little stiff but his footwork was pretty nice. I wanna see more of him.

( @missemperor ) Michelle and Giovanni - Okay I’m sorry I know she’s an American and Gio seems intimidated and I shouldn’t like her but I’m kind of loving her XD. Her attitude was PERFECT for a cha cha cha and she really surprised me. Sometimes I felt her upper body could have a bit more flow, her arms sometimes could move a little backwards so there was more shape to her body but I LOVED her dancer hands XD. It always baffles me when people don’t have nice hands on their free arm cos I’m so used to doing it XD. Overall I think she was pretty good!

Dev and Dianne - Omg he really surprised me XD. His footwork was amazing!! His hold was pretty nice too. I was just DESPERATE to push his shoulders back a little bit XD. His upper body was a little too upright and lacked a slight shape to it but overall he did really well!! Go Dianne! XD.

Anneka and Kevin - First of all THEY CHANGED THE LYRICS TO ANNEKA INSTEAD OF GLORIA I’M SCREAMING XD. K Anneka was pretty much exactly what I expected of her, pretty bad XD. I think two fours were generous XD. She did the moves but there was no performance at all. She had no dynamics, her balance was terrible and her entire body had no shape to it. Can’t see how anyone could find something redeemable in her performance honestly.

Karim and Amy - OH HIS BODY HAD SO MUCH FLOW IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. All his movements just flowed through every joint it was a DELIGHT to watch XD. I would say his posture could have been a bit better sometimes and there was a couple bits that looked awkward but omg he was so surprising and he just looked like a dancer. AND HE HAD THE PUSH OUT STOMACH THAT MAKES ME HAPPIER THAN BRUNO ON BATH SALTS.

Will and Janette - WILL IS STILL THE MOST PRECIOUS I LOVE HIM. And he really surprised me! His energy was just outstanding holy cow. I feel like Janette’s choreography let him down though, there was a whole section that looked really static and awkward? But that’s not Will’s fault at all and he did his best at that bit anyway XD. His legs had so much bounce and spring to them it was amazing! His hold was a bit stiff but honestly I think he did so well and... I love him XD.

Emma and Anton - Oof they couldn’t let Anton be happy for long could they XD. I think they were a bit harsh on Emma! It reminded me of Faye and Gio’s jive last year, great footwork but a lack of energy. Her arms sometimes had no shape but her legs were pretty nice. She needed to be a bit looser but her alignment was sooooooooo beautiful on certain moments. She deserved better and hopefully they’ll be nicer to her on a ballroom dance cos I feel like she’d really do well there.

And that’s it! Apart from stating that Motsi is a queen and Claudia is iconic. That’s it.

#strictly come dancing #yes i watch strictly #strictly come dancing 2019

[truthofherdreams]

is this clickbait? (1)

also on ao3 + read the first instalment

SURPRISING MY GIRLFRIEND’S SISTER WITH A SHIBA PUPPY!!

Peter Kavinsky • 3.5M views • 4 days ago

 “Hello Catherine,” he greets her the moment she opens the front door, putting the camera in her face to distract her from what is happening in his minivan behind her.

Thankfully for him, Kitty eats this shit up as the resident extrovert of the Song-Covey household. “Well hello there, Vogue.”

“Are you ready to answer 72 questions?”

“Sure, let’s go!”

Lara Jean was the one to submit the idea, to have an excuse for Kitty to parade in front of the camera without her suspicions being raised. Peter can’t believe it’s working so well – she accepted the idea immediately and even pitched him questions he could ask her, to the point where he actually kinda feel bad about tricking her into believing all of this shit is real.

Kinda. Not really though.

“Where are we exactly?”

“This is the house where Lara Jean and I live and work. Pretty, right?”

“Amazing,” he agrees, playing along. “So, what’s your favourite thing about video editing?”

“Having a special folder for bloopers,” she replies with an easy grin. She’s apparently been compiling bloopers about him too, and he’s not exactly looking forward to what she’ll do with the footage. “But mostly the storytelling process. How editing and music can change an entire video.”

“Any interesting projects beside LJ’s cooking videos we should know about?”

“Maaaaybe,” she teases. She sent an application for a film school last week, but the information isn’t public yet, not until she gets an acceptance letter. “I’m working with Chris on her gaming videos, too.”

“Woah, that sounds fun!”

By now they’ve made it to the kitchen, Lara Jean in the right corner of his camera, sitting at the island with her laptop. He winks at her and she grins back. He wonders how long it will take before people comment on that – probably five minutes.

“Are you ready for a little dare?” he asks, focusing back on Kitty.

Bless her little kitten heart, she doesn’t notice anything wrong yet, simply offering him and smile and a shrugs as she exclaims, “Sure!”

With the hand not holding the camera, he grabs the small scarf tucked into the back pocket of his jeans and shows it to her. “I need you to lie down on the floor and put that on your eyes.”

She freezes.

Her face falls.

“What’s this? David fucking Dobrik?”

Peter can’t help but laugh out loud, especially with how Lara Jean is laughing too now. So much for keeping this video PG, thank you very much Little Covey.

“What is it? Is it a spider? Is it a snake? Is it a spider?! Cause we found out I’m allergic to spider bites when we were in Korea so–”

“It’s not a spider,” he replies, trying but mostly failing to be serious. She cracks him up so much. “Just cover your eyes, okay?”

“I hate you,” she states coolly, even as she snatches the scarf from him and wraps it around her head. Immediately, Lara Jean dashes outside to help Gabe. “I hate you so fucking much.”

Still, she sits down on the floor of the dining room, arm stubbornly crossed over her chest, and pouts in his general direction, before she lies down. She doesn’t move, only startles a little when the front door slams – well done, guys – but otherwise doesn’t even reach for the piece of fabric above her eyes.

Gabe shows up with the puppy, the cutest little furball he’s ever seen in his life, all roasted marshmallow levels of adorable. Gabe moves closer to Kitty, whose head moves at the sound. Thankfully, the puppy doesn’t whine.

“Okay, we’re gonna put it on you so don’t be scared.”

Which is exactly the opposite of what she does, wiggling a little as she gets herself worked up again. “I don’t care that you’re dating my sister, if it’s a snake I’m going to – oh my GOD, PETER, WHAT IS IT?” She breaks into a scream when Gabe drops the puppy on her chest.

The puppy starts sniffing around, wet nose against her neck, and she yelps again. Even Lara Jean is losing it now, leaning against Peter for support. He doesn’t even think twice about it when he wraps his arm around her shoulders and pulls her closer to him.

“Okay, open your eyes.”

She all but ripes the scarf from her face, only to freezes at the sight of the puppy’s face so close to her face. It sniffs her a little, then licks her chin, but she’s too shocked to properly react.

“It’s a puppy,” she says, slowly.

“She’s about to cry,” Lara Jean whispers, low but now low enough that the camera won’t catch it. “Just watch.”

Kitty is sitting up, puppy now in her arms, and she looks up at Peter with wet eyes. If she starts crying he might do too, and it’s only going to end up messy and overly emotional.

“Merry Christmas, Little Covey.”

“You got me a puppy?!”

And then, yeah. She’s crying. Big tears and loud sobs, hugging the puppy to her as it licks her face and whines happily at being cuddles. Its little tail won’t stop wiggling, which is the cutest.

Lara Jean laughs, and it comes out wet too. When he looks down at her, she has tears in her eyes. He kisses her temple without really thinking about it, holding her a little bit closer.

“Do you like her?” he asks Kitty.

“It’s a girl?” she asks back, holding the puppy up to check. “This is so much better than a spider!”

 CovinskyIsLove 5 hours ago

like if you’re crying

View 15 replies v

 HearMeRoar 3 days ago

when lj started crying too and peter comforted her i felt that

View 8 replies v

 groffsauce 2 days ago

My sister’s boyfriend is a dirtbag who doesn’t even pay for their dates and this motherfucker gave Kitty a puppy? What the shit???

View 15 replies v

…

 QUEER IS THE WORD

Lucas Krapf • 1.8M views • 5 days ago

 “So people have been blowing my mentions since last video because of point three seconds of Peter and LJ in the background,” Lucas announces to his camera, one hand holding it while the other rises to rub against his hair. “And people keep asking if they really are that cute all the time. So, here. Look what we have to deal with on a daily basis.”

He’s walking toward the kitchen now, where most of the gang is gathered. Unsurprisingly, Peter and Lara Jean are side by side, bodies glued to each other. It’s nothing unlike what has been going on during the past few months, but Lucas still noticed the slight differences since New Year’s Eve – they’re more comfortable around each other, especially LJ. It’s almost unnoticeable, especially when you don’t know they were faking it before that. But Lucas knows. And he notices.

“Look at that,” he exclaims, camera zooming in on Peter’s hand in the back pocket of LJ’s jeans, like it’s the most natural thing in the world to do. Which, it isn’t. They’re the only two idiots in this world to be that lovely cosy with each other all. the. freaking. time. “What kind of heterosexual nonsense?”

LJ and Peter both turn at the same time, and his camera zooms out and moves up to capture their twin expressions of surprise. Peter’s hand still hasn’t moved, because they’re disgusting like that.

“Who are you calling heterosexual?” Peter asks.

Chris lets out the uglier, loudest cackle in the history of humanity, because that’s just how Chris rolls on a daily basis. Homegirl has no sense of modesty or etiquette, she’s wired like that. And he loves her for it. “Peter Pan!” she exclaims, holding her hand up for Peter to high five.

“Peter Pan!” he replies in the same loud, cheerful voice, hand slapping hers above the kitchen island. He turns back to Lucas then, more serious. “But don’t film my girlfriend’s butt, thanks.”

“Why?” LJ asks, falsely innocent. “It looks great on camera.”

Lucas cuts on Peter’s dumbfounded face and another cackle from Chris.

 …

 Calling Chris’s bedroom a “bedroom” really is about semantics. Like, yes there is a single bed in a corner, so technically it qualifies. But Chris’s room is her video games room, first and foremost. Her TV setting takes over most of the space, what with how many consoles she owes. Two full walls are floor-to-ceiling shelves of video games in their boxes, Funko Pops and other geeky paraphernalia. There’s her computer and her gaming chair in a corner. More cameras and recording material than Lucas knows what to do with it. So, really. Not a bedroom.

And the best thing is, she always has snacks for when she’s playing and for when people are playing with her. She’s taken to stocking Pocky boxes for LJ, next to her own gummy bears. Freaking adorable, how close those two girls are now. Like sisters. White and Asian sisters.

They’re playing Mario Kart, and Lucas is just filming, ‘cause he’s bored and he needs content. LJ getting competitive over nothing is always fun, not to mention clickbaity. So yeah, Mario Kart, camera, Japanese snacks. The best of the best.

Chris is getting worked up over the Rainbow Road, like you do, when her phone starts lighting up like a Christmas tree. Which is weird – she’s usually so very good at not having her phone around when she’s playing, because it keeps her focused not to have to worry about her notifications. The only times she purposefully has her phone around is when she’s doing a special Twitch live and she needs to check her donations.

So Lucas’s attention zooms in on her phone, obviously. “Who’s Veronica?” he asks.

It’s an innocent enough question, but Chris tenses and LJ is distracted enough that her Yoshi falls down the Rainbow Road. “Wait, Veronica Veronica? RomanticRonny Veronica?”

Chris does a very bad job of pretending to be chill, her eyes never leaving the TV screen but her shoulders tense as shit, her knuckles white around her controller. “Yeah, we’re texting,” she replies, fake casual. Damn.

“Didn’t she make a come-out video like, three months ago?” Lucas asks, just to watch her squirm. He can always edit this part out if Chris asks him to, that’s chill. She’s just as open with her sexuality as Peter and Lucas are, but it doesn’t mean he will post about her crush if she doesn’t want him to. Privacy and all that, they’re pretty good at this stuff with each other.

“Did she now?” Chris replies-asks, with a shrug. Bad Acting 101. “Not that it matters or shit.”

“She’s texting again,” Lucas points out, when her phone lights up again.

“How about you shut up, Krapf?”

He only laughs.

 SapphoBitch 2 hours ago

is2g if any of you comes with a ‘queer is a slur’ because of the title i’m going to cut a bitch bc Peter identified as pan AND queer in his coming out video and Lucas and Chris are both chill with it too so stfu u ignorant terf-sounding assholes

View 39 replies v

 Song Bakery ✓ 4 days ago

7 billion people in the world to choose from and he picked me. Of course I am okay with that aspect of Peter’s identity, why wouldn’t I be?

View 73 replies v

 PizzaSlut 3 days ago

we stan one (1) progressive, unproblematic squad

View 9 replies v

 …

 Who knows me better? challenge (boyfriend vs sister)

Song Not-Bakery • 3.7M views • 2 days ago

 “Hi everyone and welcome to my second channel!” Lara Jean greets the camera with a little wave. “It was a long time coming, and it’s all because those two right there bullied me into doing it.”

“Kindly,” Peter clarifies. “We bullied her kindly.”

“Cause that makes it so much better,” she tells him, forcing herself not to grin when he wrinkles his nose at her adorably. This man will be her undoing. “Anyway, it’s all Kitty and Peter’s fault and they’re both extra competitive, so what better way that to start this channel than with a competition about me?”

“Which I’m going to win, because I’ve known her the longest,” Kitty chimes in.

“We’ll see about that,” Peter replies, hand already hovering above one of the two call bells Lara Jean bought for the occasion. Peter was playing with it for ten minutes before they even started filming, and she made a mental note to hide them well once they’re done, for her own sake.

“Each question gives you one point,” Lara Jean explains, all business, ignoring how Kitty and Peter are flexing and silently talking shit at each other from across the table. Most competitive people she knows, indeed. “And the winner gets one favour from the loser, as long as it’s decent.”

“Peter buying me Taco Bell every day for a moooonth,” Kitty singsongs.

���And healthy.”

“Peter buying me by Chloe every day for a moooooonth,” Kitty amands.

“Better,” Lara Jean replies, while Peter tries his hardest not to burst into laughter, all tight-lips and puffed cheeks. “Okay, get ready! Question one! What’s my Hogwarts house?”

Kitty hits the bell so fast it flies across the table. “Hufflepuff!”

“Point Covey!” Lara Jean agrees. “Which movie did I quote in my high school yearbook?”

Peter and Kitty share a look, before he tentatively rings the bell. “Amélie?”

“Correct! Point Kavinsky,” she replies, smiling at his preening.

“How do you even know that?” Kitty asks him, suspicious.

“Your dad showed me all your embarrassing childhood pictures,” he replies with an easy shrug. They went to visit two months ago for her dad’s birthday, his official meeting with Peter. Which went really well for the two of them, not so well for Lara Jean when he dad got all the family albums out. She had to steal Peter’s phone from him so he wouldn’t do anything stupid, like share with the world. “You look cute with pigtails, by the way.”

Kitty pokes her tongue out at him.

“What’s my birthday?”

They both attack the bell, but Kitty is faster. “May 15th.”

“Point Covey. What’s my favourite colour?”

Peter is faster. “Blue.” Then, turning to the camera, “And she looks super pretty in blue.”

Lara Jean barely manages to hide her blush behind a laugh as she moves on the the next question. As expected, Kitty and Peter get more and more worked up with each question, yelling their answers and sending the bell flying more than once. She can’t help but laugh when Kitty throws herself above the table to try and steal Peter’s bell, to prevent him from winning. He holds it above his head, too high for her to reach even when she jumps.

They go on like that for half an hour, Lucas keeping track of points behind the camera and holding his laughter back all through filming. Not all heroes wear capes, after all. She’s almost done with her questions when he shows her the mini whiteboard, announcing 12 points each.

“Okay, it’s a tie, so last question to win the game.”

Kitty points to her eyes with two fingers, then to Peter, then to her eyes again. Both their hands hover over the bell, ready to pounce on it. The tension is thick in the room.

“Who’s my dream guy?”

Peter yells the answer before he even hits the bell, “Gilbert Blythe!” Then, ignoring Kitty’s look of pure disbelief and horror, he turns toward the camera with a smirk that shouldn’t be quite as smug as it is, given what he is talking about. “Because he’s smart, and handsome, and loyal, which makes him Lara Jean’s dream Hufflepuff boy. Kavinsky out!”

“Kavinsky win!” she agrees, grabbing his wrist to hold it like he just won a boxe match instead of a little Youtube competition.

Kitty makes a big deal of pouting and folding her hands on her chest, the perfect image of a sulking child. It only makes Peter laugh harder, of course, because he can be a real jerk when he puts his mind to it. Not a mean jerk, but he knows how to push Kitty’s buttons, how to make her snap just enough to make it entertaining to everyone involved, even Kitty.

“So that’s it for today, guys. Check out Peter’s channel and Kitty’s Instagram account, links in the description, and don’t forget to like and subscribe for more videos like this one! Bye bye!”

 CovinskyIsLove 2 hours ago

Smart, loyal and handsome? Wonders who that describes perfectly hmm hmmmmmm… Not fooling anyone, LJ!

View 19 replies v

 TeenageNinjaTurtle 9 hours ago

Kitty is so fucking hilarious she needs to be in all the vlogs! More Kitty!

View 6 replies v

 MrsKavinsky 2 days ago

The Gods of Youtube have listened and given us LJ’s second channel, we are so blessed!

View 12 replies v

#covinsky #covinsky fanfic #covinsky ff #to all the boys I've loved before #fanfic #ff: tatbilb #ff: do it for the views

[aion-rsa]

The Silence of the Lambs: Brooke Smith on Surviving Buffalo Bill

https://ift.tt/37cOLgW

Brooke Smith has enjoyed a career spanning more than three decades across the big and small screen. She’s starred in the cult classic Series 7: The Contenders, had roles in blockbusters including Interstellar and featured prominently on Grey’s Anatomy, Ray Donovan, and Bates Motel to name but a few. 

Yet to some, she will always be remembered as Catherine Martin, the daughter of Senator Ruth Martin who winds up being kidnapped by Jame Gumb, aka Buffalo Bill, in The Silence of The Lambs. Not that fans always immediately realise it.

“I don’t get recognized for it that much compared with something like Grey’s Anatomy,” she tells Den of Geek. “With The Silence of the Lambs, it’s more like ‘wait a minute, how do I know you?’. I would get that at the school my kids went to. They knew me but they just couldn’t quite figure it out.” 

Smith was a relative newcomer to acting when she was cast as Catherine back in 1989 having spent her formative years as part of the CBGB New York punk scene. But she possessed one crucial quality: she was fearless. “I was just a gung-ho young actress who wanted to do something I didn’t think I could do,” she explains.  

The role of Catherine certainly presented a worthy challenge. While the majority of Jonathan Demme’s film focuses on Jodie Foster’s FBI-agent-in-training Clarice Starling and her attempts at coaxing Anthony Hopkins’s dangerously disarming cannibal Hannibal Lecter into helping track down Buffalo Bill, played by Ted Levine, Smith took on the crucial role of the serial killer’s hostage, trapped down a disused well in the basement-turned-dungeon of his seemingly ordinary suburban home. 

It’s her welfare and fate that provides the emotional heartbeat of an otherwise dread-fuelled psychological thriller. As time wears on, Catherine’s increasingly desperate and distressing state only cranks up the tension with audiences aware of the horrifying fate potentially awaiting her.  When Demme first met with Smith to discuss the part he had one important question for Smith: “Why on Earth would you ever want to do this?” 

“I did not audition,” she explains. “That would never happen now. They would never just hire an unknown actor for such an important part. He brought me in and explained to me what he had in mind. He didn’t have to convince me much. If anything, I had to convince him that I was going to go all the way. That I was really going to go as far as I could go as Catherine.” 

She saw some parallels between her relationship with her mother – trailblazing Hollywood publicist Lois Smith – and that of Catherine and her own high-profile politician mom. 

Smith also credits her friend at the time, Michelle Pfeiffer, with helping her get the part. “My mother looked after Michelle Pfeiffer, which was how we met. She was considering playing the part of Clarice. She had done Married to the Mob with Jonathan. She told him about me.” 

Pfeiffer was Demme’s original choice for the role of Clarice while he initially approached Sean Connery for the role of Lecter. Both turned the film down, with Pfeiffer deciding the subject matter was too dark.  Smith does wonder what the film might have turned out like had she signed on to star. 

“I think of Jodie as very intelligent and analytical. There is something about her being so analytical that made Clarice so fascinating. It would have been different with Michelle, maybe more emotional. I’m not sure.” 

While Pfeiffer rejected the chance to star in The Silence of the Lambs, there were some trying to dissuade Smith from her involvement. “There was one agent in particular who said I was forever going to be known as the fat girl in the pit. Which is…partly true,” she jokes. 

Eager to immerse herself in the role of Catherine, Smith prepared herself for the experience of being trapped in a pit by locking herself in a wardrobe while ruminating on the “worst possible circumstances” someone would face in such a situation.

“It was a basement closet. I went in, closed the door and turned the light off. I thought about what it would be like to be in those circumstances. Stuff like what would it be like if your contact lenses dried out or if you had your period. I stayed in there for about an hour at a time.” 

Part of Buffalo Bill’s modus operandi in the film saw him target plus size women. That created the first major challenge for Smith who was required to put on 25 pounds for the part.

“Because I had been a heavy teenager and lost all the weight to be an actress, to then have to gain it all back really messed with my head,” she says. 

There were positives and negatives to the experience though. “I was in an acting class with Vincent D’Onofrio and he had just done Full Metal Jacket where he gained like 75 pounds. I remember him saying ‘make sure the studio gives you a credit card, you shouldn’t be paying for your food’ which I would never have thought of. They did actually give me a credit card and I remember taking Ted Levine to dinner most nights when we were shooting.”

But just as with any role that requires a drastic transformation, putting the weight on proved a challenge.

“It was physically exhausting though because of the weight,” she says. “And after it was done, it was difficult as an actress struggling with how I was supposed to look and getting the weight off. I ate a lot of ice cream and pizza and milkshakes. Stuff like that. It sounds amazing to most people but it did put me off that kind of food a little bit.” 

Reading Ted Tally’s Oscar-winning script ahead of filming, Smith felt a sense of fear and intimidation for what lay ahead. 

“There was this one line that scared the hell out of me,” she says. “When Catherine sees the fingernails on the side of the pit – the fake nails that have come off – in the script it just said ‘screams and screams and screams.’ I just thought ‘oh my God, I don’t think I can do that’.” 

Despite some initial confidence-sapping struggles with continuity and hitting her mark during the scene where Catherine first encounters Buffalo Bill, once her character is confined to the basement pit, Smith was in her element. Getting in and out of the pit was something of a complicated procedure, so Smith would often stay down there between camera setups, taking care not to drink too much water in order to avoid any unnecessary bathroom breaks. 

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“I would get myself worked up before we shot. Every day I set out to achieve something and if I got it all out, I felt great. It was like primal therapy. Just going as far as I could and releasing it all…I wonder if I could do it again,” she says. “I remember doing a real mind fuck on myself. At certain points they would take some of the wall away from the side of the pit and be down there filming my misery. I remember getting into this headspace where I would be thinking ‘not only are these people not helping me, they are actually exploiting me and filming me in this horrible space.’ It was just this crazy, extreme thing that added to it all.” 

Occasionally, Smith’s suffering went beyond psychological. 

“I ripped a toenail. It was nasty.  The pit was made out of some kind of fiberglass. They had told me to go crazy so I did and then suddenly there was blood. It took a while for that nail to grow back.” 

Though she suffered for her art, Smith credits Demme with fostering a brilliant atmosphere on set that motivated everyone to bring their A-game. “Jonathan treated us like we were the best people for the job, whether it was Jodie or the people in craft service. He had a way of making everyone want to do their best.” 

As a director, Demme also wasn’t afraid of coaxing more out of his cast, and she says that he. “never thought it was possible to go too far.” 

“There was a guy on set from the FBI who said he had seen similar things in real-life and I remember Jonathan saying that I should try to do it for all the people who are in horrible situations and could not get out. So, no pressure or anything.” 

Smith recalls one particularly strange and intense conversation held in the pit when Demme looked her dead in the eyes and said “You know that feeling when you’re in prison?”  “I had to be like ‘um, no,” Smith says laughing. 

Away from Demme, Smith also found support among her fellow cast mates. Though she didn’t interact much with Hopkins (“Tony sort of stayed in his own world”), Foster proved invaluable in helping her understand the intricacies of filmmaking and things like “overlapping” on dialogue. 

She formed her strongest bond and friendship, however, with Levine, despite the adversarial nature of their relationship on the screen. 

“I respect him so much as an actor. When the camera was on me and it was my coverage, he gave just as much, if not more. He just had my back. At times I was in awe of him and asking how he did things.” 

Levine has long since stopped answering questions about his breakthrough performance as Buffalo Bill in The Silence of the Lambs but Smith is able to offer some insight into what went into his terrifying portrayal. Levine famously drew on real-life serial killers like Ed Gein and Ted Bundy, but also offered up another, more unique perspective in his discussions with Smith. “I remember him saying he had a toddler at the time and he had observed how extreme their behavior could be. They act like they are going to die one minute and are then just so happy the next. I think he was tapping into something there.” 

Smith remembers the moment she first saw Levine’s terrifying solo dance number as Gumb and how it blew everyone away.

“I saw it in the dailies and Ted did not go. I saw him after and told him it was amazing. I don’t think that was in script. He just came up with it. It’s totally terrifying.” 

She does empathise with Levine’s decision to close the book on The Silence of the Lambs too, having herself endured the “strange” experience of fans heckling her with shouts of “it puts the lotion on the skin” a line said by Buffalo Bill to Catherine as he prepares her for her eventual murder. “It’s really hard when people only see you as one character and I can understand not wanting to be seen as Jame Gumb. I think he maybe feels like he’s said all he wants to say.” 

Ultimately though, she credits the experience as one which helped her work through personal issues.  

“It got me in touch with some stuff in myself that I had to work on,” she says. “At the time it wasn’t so easy for me to fight back as Catherine. Working on this film made me think ‘wait why wouldn’t I fight back that much, what’s my problem with me?’ I wrote a letter to Jonathan thanking him for helping me get in touch with that. I came upon some self-worth.” 

A critical and commercial hit, The Silence of the Lambs went on to sweep the board at the 1991 Oscars, becoming only the third film to win Academy Awards in the top five categories for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress, and Best Adapted Screenplay.  The film’s success “thrilled” Smith and only added to a sense of vindication in her decision to pursue a career as an actor.

“My mom knew how hard it was to be an actor. There was a discussion between us like ‘Are you really sure you want to do this?’ The Silence of the Lambs ended that. She had great taste in actors. To see her be proud was nice.” 

Demme would go on to further acclaim with his next film Philadelphia as part of a directing career that continued until 2015. He passed away in 2017, aged 73. Smith last saw him, by chance, at a yoga class. “He was just his usual, sweet, positive self.”  

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“Jonathan was such a great guy. The whole experience felt like he was throwing a party and you were lucky to be invited. It was a really special project.” 

The post The Silence of the Lambs: Brooke Smith on Surviving Buffalo Bill appeared first on Den of Geek.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

[dinoalexander]

Your Moment of Zen: The Gourmet Academy’s Semi-Quotable 2020 Quotedown Quotetacular

The following blog entry are intended only for mature audiences. Reader discretion is strongly advised. Although it goes without saying about three quotes in, this is neither an incendiary nor defamatory tribute to the year past, although if someone were to put together such a “tribute”, I’d completely understand. Thank you. And enjoy the show. Because you helped make it.  Ladies and gentlemen and non-binary conforming life forms across seven star systems... the Gourmet Academy’s World Famous Get Down Like a Hound Party ‘til You Puke Semi-Quotable 2020 Quotedown Quotetacular begins in five... ... four... ... three... ... two... NOW. === “This video is dedicated to touching.” -Harry Styles “Welcome to America's last public gathering.” -Jenna Riedi, the host of Geek Bowl XIV “Daniel’s New Year’s Resolutions 1) say something so brilliant, so irrefutably mind-bogglingly wowful that it makes the Quote Wall 2) organize the basement.” -Daniel “Didn’t you used to be Bill Simmons?” -Greg channeling Justin Lollie “Something new? Shouldn’t be trying it but I’m d-e-d today.” -Carl “This could devolve into something amazing.” -Jeremy “Good feeling: a Patriots loss. Better feeling: a Patriots loss in the playoffs. Best feeling: a Patriots loss in the playoffs in Foxboro.” -Travis “You are the master of the swerve.” -Klaussie “There once was a man from Nantucket.” -Ethan “Neighbor and I both have our windows open, and I refuse to do one more thing tonight until I figure out which episode of “Cheers” she’s watching.” -Adam Nedeff “Is there anyway we can CGI Matt Lauer out and replace him with Christopher Plummer?” -Greg on Matt Lauer on SNL “What’s the favorite network of the 2017 Houston Astros? BUZZR!” -Klauss “Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, Lost her virginity to Tom Jones.” -Sara “That’s not unusual.” -Megan “Oh look, goats! (Whiff) Oh god, goats.” -Q “The Whiteface on the Joker poster is a pretty good representation on the Academy Award nominees this year.” -Gordon “If you spend your life with a paper bag over your head, do you also need to wear a mask?” -Kevin, on the Unknown Comic "He Gay - He Christmas in Macy's Window Gay" - Mercedeze - The Circle. “Spock is gonna slap your ass.” -Greg on Zach Quinto in “The Slap” “Smeargle!” -C “I’m at the Battle of Atlanta, usually I’M the one on fire.” -Greg as Time Traveling Rip Taylor “Sexual Game Show Chocolate.” -Cyndi’s nickname for Chico “He has exact change! What was I supposed to say.. No?!” -Q “WLTI has been brought to by the Tom Brady Laundry Service - when you need stuff to be washed and blown....you know where to go.” -JB “It’s like shitting in my hand and clapping.” -Q “Let’s do that GOAT.” -C “Does Q know you’re into bestiality?” -Chris • the subject: Jeopardy! The Greatest of All Time “In 2020 I’d like to set more things on fire.” -Megan “Tonight, William Shakespeare, Henry VIII, the sun god Ra, Archimedes, Rip Taylor, and Rudolph Valentino on the Loooooooove TARDIS.” -Greg as Ernie Anderson (hat tips to Mike & Chico). “Christmas Day: Email notifying me I don't need to come to the courthouse on Monday. Monday: Phone message notifying me not to come to the courthouse on Tuesday. Tuesday: Phone message notifying me not to come to the courthouse on Wednesday. Wednesday: Phone message notifying me not to come to the courthouse, period, because my week of service includes two holidays. For anyone who's never been called in for jury duty during a pandemic, I highly recommend the experience.” -Adam “This version of 2020 has a virus in it. Can I get it reinstalled?” -Catherine “Take care of y’all chicken.” -Marshawn Lynch“ No link, because (EXPLETIVE DELETED) that (EXPLETIVE DELETED).” -Joe “There’s the Wendy’s.” -C “Where where where where where?” -Q “There there there there there.” -C “The Houston Astros scandal has spilled into the world of game shows...evidence has surfaced that “Jeopardy!” contestants had wired buzzers at their podiums.” -Adam Nedeff “ "Having an English Accent in America is like having a 12" dick” -David, a contestant on Too Hot To Handle. “We are all Disney... and Disney is all of us.” -Kevin “Here comes this Donny Osmond-looking motherfucker.” -C “The coronavirus is the least dirty thing I’ve had in my hand. There’s not enough hand sanitizer in the world. That’s why I drink vodka.” -Michael "That bird just straight up moonwalked and died!" -Neumann “You think Jimmy Kimmel would buy the Walgreens brand?” -Q “I don’t make Jimmy Kimmel money!” -C “President Trump sent me a letter. I respond with fire.” -Kyle “Sense AND Sensibility? In this economy?!” -Liz “He committed the ultimate sin. He insulted the WWE in his promotion!” -Cyndi “Today was draggin’. It was very draggy. It was an episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race. It was so draggin’ that Wink Martindale encourages me to avoid it. I was watching Dragon Ball Z in the cockpit of the Dragonzord while playing Double Dragon with Don “The Dragon” Wilson and listening to Sisqo’s Unleash The Dragon. Somebody better call Emilia Clarke, because, uh.... dragon .... joke.” -C “Name a people that animals breed.” -Bressler “Put your Facebook balls away, Karen. It’s unbecoming.” -Cindy “Pizza is yes.” -Drago, Animal Crossing New Horizons “Prahstitute.” -Klauss • the password was “hookah” “It was a one-eyed one-horned flying purple Power Ranger.” -Gordon “I'm gonna start painting people yellow and send their asses to Springfield because I'm seeing a LOT of Simps, SON!” -Katie “Bill Belichick took the box on the display floor and got a couple of plush dolphins...would’ve had a new car behind curtain #2.” -Carl “Twenty-one seasons of winners and not one of those faces looked like mine. So when I walked through those doors, I had that desire, that determination to be that very first face to give hope to those behind me who have the desire to come in here and play this game. Not seeing a face that looks like mine is very discouraging, it’s hurtful and it does make me feel like maybe it’s impossible. But I’m wrong about that because it’s definitively possible. We can do it. It just hasn’t been done yet… I want to acknowledge every African American who has walked through those doors with the same desire to be that face that I have. I see you, I salute you and I appreciate you. You came in here, you knew the odds were against you, you knew it was going to be an uphill battle and you still fought and you fought like hell. For that, I love you, I admire you and I acknowledge you all today.” -Da’vonne, Big Brother “Waldo should find himself. I don’t have that kind of time.” -@FunnyOrDie “What we wanted was Cam Newton. What we got was Wayne Newton.” -Gordon, right before everyone broke out into “Danke Schön” “You can go ahead and put "Nuh-uh! Don't eat Jesus, you monster!" on the list of things I didn't think I'd have to yell today.” -Wingo “Not only is he a chicken magnate, he’s also a chick... magnet. Amirite?” -Klauss“ Please excuse me if I don't participate in the Dolly Parton Challenge, but I'd rather my wife didn't know that I have a Tinder account.” -Prof. O “The table has had enough of your shit.” -Brian “If you work hard enough I’m sure someday you’ll reach the top of the intelligence bell curve.” -Jess’ insult “Any squirrel can find a nut once. Let’s see you do it again.” -Q “This is the kind of chaotic horniness I’m here for.” -Megan “Behold the power of the fat guy touchdown.” -Cyndi “It’s the kind of peppermint candy that can give me natural 20s.” -Jenni “The wonders.... of weed.” -Mary “Metallic testicles.” -Jimmy Kimmel “Well, it's 65° again today. I ran 3.5 miles yesterday so I chose to walk 4 today. If next year it is not 65° on this day in February, I'm quitting Ohio.” -Wingo “I see the Incelabteilung spent a productive weekend.” -Rick Wilson “You know why the RTF head writer is now hosting? Because he's now eligible to join the Actors Guild, which means he'll have potential work when 1. RTF goes down in flames, 2. The WGA agreement goes down in flames. 3.A combination of 1. 2. and RTF keeps trying to convince us that King Kong should be worth 1,250 points per ticket.” -Gordon “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” -Jessica “Of course any team could have had 14 players test positive for COVID three games into the season, but the fact that it’s an entire roster of Florida Man is just so obvious.” -Arianna “Anna Roisman is very much in love with her butt.” -C Phleb: Are you following me? Q: As if you’re cool enough to have a stalker. As IF you’re cool enough for that stalker to be me. “I’ve seen enough.” -JD “Okay Dave Wasserman.” -C -subject: NLCS “Curse your sudden but inevitable colonization!” -Blue from episode 2 of the Overly Sarcastic Podcast “I haven't watched the Super Bowl halftime show, but from the online conversation today it is clear that people do not know just how many layers of costumage it takes to look "naked" onstage. #Showbiz” -Shannon “Adolf Titler and Areola Braun.” -Kim “I don't follow sports at all, but "And then Florida screwed it up for everyone" is the least surprising thing I could have seen in the news.” -Adam “If you think 2020 has been wild so far, wait until the dragons are released in the finale!” -Bruce Q: “I need a lighter.” Clerk: “Which one?” Q: “I don’t care. As long as it produces fire.” “Today we say a not fond farewell to Adobe Flash....we will NOT miss you very much." -Carl “It’s ridicarus. It’s so ridiculous, it flies in the face of normality until it melts on the wings of its own ridiculousness.” -C “I’d like to be proven wrong 99 times out of 100,000.” -Cyndi “The wenches of Watson.” -G’s nickname for the Chasers “Paula Deen. I don’t give a toss about the woman’s politics. But there’s one thing that we both agree on. MORE BUTTER!” -Q “Do you think you could be my Korean food mule?” -Jenni, to Chico re: Korean restaurants  “This is what I told you about Travis. You’ve got to stop eating buffalo wings before you go to bed this is going to keep happening!” -Brian “The NFL Draft Takes way too long. If I wanted to watch 32 picks in 3 hours, I’d watch Jameis Winston play.” -TyFo “I think I’d win this easily.” -Greg, on “Too Hot To Handle.” “Hit me daddy, I’ve been bad.” -Q “I haven’t been bad, but hit me anyway.” -C “I hope a million Dodger babies are made tonight and their mamas name them all MOOKIE.” -Arianna “That’s tackier than a Louis Vuitton purse from downtown LA.” -Kimberly “Defense wins championships, but offense sells soap.” -Nikki “It’s like there’s nothing good on Netflix anymore.” -Alex Alvarez (Marcel Ruiz) on the Pop premiere of One Day at a Time “Let’s see what this bitch can do.” -C

“Man we have now been quarantined for 60 full days. Stuck inside with nothing but our families and our devices, filled with fear and anxiety. And we still don’t want to watch Quibi.” - Mike Shields (@digitalshields) “I love Peanut Butter. I love Africa.” - Bill Walton "So in the last 3 days Tom Brady has violated social distancing guidelines and broken into somebody's house. The media laughs it off. It pays to be white." - Barry McCockiner “BREAKING: I have decided to follow @James_Holzhauer on Twitter, since he’s been following me on Jeopardy all week.” - Ken Jennings “I was debating who had a worse night in Vegas — Mike Bloomberg or Deontay Wilder. I thought it was Wilder but it wasn’t. He didn’t have to show up a week later and get his ass kicked all over again. #DemDebate2020” - Jelani Cobb “What in the name of God’s ass is on Linda Dano’s head?” - Quisla “My 13 year-old self with my hero in Nov '83, Boston, MA. According to local legend Mr. (Tom) Baker toured the  sites at Lexington, and then Concord, site of the “shot heard round the world;" he strode up to the first American he saw and said “Sorry about all that you know!”” - @petervintonjr​ “At long last, our 4-year national nightmare is over & @SteveKornacki can finally get some sleep.” - Mark Hamill “I think I just saw The Greatest American Hero be a complete and utter perv.” - Chico “Not gonna lie. I kinda wished they'd filmed the Chicago production of Hamilton so I could see Wayne Brady kill Lin-Manuel instead of Leslie.” - @RealLordDalek “Thanks Jon, when we come back Denise is gonna go for $30,000 and I want to find out, really, if you take half of my ass and you put it on my bald head, if it’s going to create new hair. We’ll find out about that after this. ……. more after this.” - Mike Francesa’s evil Earth 47 Half Brother Louie Francesa played by Klaussie before the MG-HSH Super Match “Rebooting The Santa Clause where instead of Tim Allen killing Santa Claus and becoming Santa Claus, Santa Claus kills Tim Allen and becomes Tim Allen” - Bridger Winegar “Ted Cruz is in another Twitter war with Mark Cuban. As a coach I was always looking for mismatches. If I could ever find a mismatch as great as Cuban over Cruz the game would be easy.” - Stan Van Gundy “Just turned on the XFL.Kicker missed a field goal and they immediately interviewed him on the sideline asking what happened haha. That’s tough.” - JJ Watt “Jeffrey Toobin gave a whole new meaning to the word “laptop.” - Gerard Mulligan “No matter how gloom things things get, there's always the future, even the United States of America used to have a future. They tried to us Americans the sky’s the limit, so we destroyed the sky. Where’s your limit now? Oh! burning with toxic poison? Suck that limit!” - Xavier: Renegade Angel “Everything good espn ever did was copied from the George Michael Sports Machine.” - @[email protected] “How is the @WWE not calling this #Wrestlemania36 In Your House?!?!” - Marty DeRosa “When people complain about "cancel culture," they very often mean: I want to live in a world in which there are abundant social and economic rewards for saying and doing certain (but not all!) controversial things, and no social and economic penalties for those same things.” - David Frum “Herb Abrams left this world doing what he loved. Cocaine and hookers." - Brian Blair “Rats.. and I was looking forward to the empty arena NBA Team Challenge Series.” - Lollie “Wow breaking: Jay Glazer is reporting that cleatus the FOX NFL robot has been arressted for double murder outside a Houston strip club. Details to come” - PFTCommenter “Michael Moore is the Michael Avenatti of Anthony Scaramuccis.” - @blackbeltbirder “Will you accept this ass?” -Jason “The Bears are two tight ends away from a firefighter calendar.” -Cyndi “Come on, Quis. Plating is 5 points.” -C “They say you should spend three months income on your wife’s engagement ring. I spent June July and August from the summer that I turned 13… But in my defense it was a wet summer and I mowed a lotta grass, that should count for something.” -Brian (ladies....) “You can’t fuck with Ed Lover.” -Greg “You thought that it was bad now? Wait 25 years. Today's children are tomorrow's leaders; and they will have been have been homeschooled by day drinkers. Let that sink in.” -Q “Doo wah didn’t didn’t, dumb didn’t do.” -Ian “So we were talking about why cereal was invented.” -C “Y’all stop showing me The Needle. I have a visceral reaction to The Needle.” -Anne “Five dollars on a Daily Double? What are you doing, buying a sandwich?” -Q “Sometimes I wonder... what made you think that style of facial hair works for you?” -Mary Jane “Everyone’s a critic.” -C after someone closed the blood bank door after blowing his nose “You raise your kids, you will spoil your grandchildren. You spoil your kids, you will raise your grandchildren.” -Nikki “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.” -Joe’s son “Ctrl-F, am I right?” -Klauss “Mmm, mmm-mmm-mmm...” -Kim “I’ve been around enough mothers to know what THAT means.” -C “This is now the 5th straight night I've heard one man complain about another man's holes and balls. No one needs sloppy disorganized holes or balls. #pause.” -Gordon “You know... We grew up watching Kamen Rider & Super Sentai wanting to be masked heroes. Pretty sure this isn’t what I had in mind.” -D “Some of y’all have not been chased around the house by your sibling with a knife and it shows.” -Jenna “At least it wasn't real maple syrup. Based on the bottle and consistency it appears to be maple-flavoured sugar liquid spread.” -Dane, on Gritty drinking breakfast syrup “And who decides Lacey Chabert should be the voice of love? She was hardly the voice of Meg Griffin!” -C “That is one UGLY ASS FISH!” -Cat "CBD infused deep dish pizza now available at White Sox games." -Carl “Gordon Pepper You're a psychotic Macaulay Culkin? I fear and respect you.” -Dom “Now I don’t even have to leave my home to not watch a movie.” -Kevin, on HBOMax “Fuck your widgets.” -Klauss “I told Galileo to stop working on his telescope. He’s not fooling anyone!” -Greg as Time Traveling Rip Taylor “Chris Wallace failed so badly that Mike Wallace also failed, and he’s been dead eight years.” -Kevin “Yay for fat shaming.” -Amberlee “Philip Rivers: Miami Dolphin?” -Carl “I don’t have enough black leggings for this shit.” -Shannon “You ever have shrunken beef?” -G “Phrasing.” -Aaron “You put the brain in Vibranium.” -Matt Richards “Several flaws in his argument, most notably that while he is correct that the meat in boneless chicken wings doesn’t come from the wings, neither does it come from the “tender”. And chicken nuggets aren’t made from a chicken’s... um... nuggets. That said, it is Nebraska, and this is what happens in that God forsaken state when they cancel football.” -Kevin “I never got spanked. We were very good kids growing up. Dad threatened us a different way. He reminded us as he was a famous person if we screwed up we would see it on page 6 of the ny post.” -G “God’s perfect idiot.” -Ryan Reynolds “You can’t clean house with a filthy mop.” -Kevin "Four." -Course Manager Joe translating Sir Goph to the crowd at Holey Moley. “May (Tim Tebow’s) marriage last longer than Million Dollar Mile.” -C “They were so offended, they weren’t.” -G “Meanwhile I can't choose a fuck fish...” -Kimberly “I have questions.” -Bressler “Do not insult the good name of Bowzer, damn it!” -Greg “Hiya Barbie! No Ken. He’s sold separately and I’m cutting unnecessary spending.” -Eden as Barbie “I’ll be at the bench if you need me. Please don’t need me.” -C as David Tennant as Scrooge McDuck “Fayetteville gonna Fayetteville.” -Jordan “Why you gotta go make good employees angry? You think another decent phleb is just gonna pop out of nowhere like a State Farm agent? ... 🎵 Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there! 🎵 POOF!” -C “I like my men like I like my commuter car: silent.” -Robin “The fact that I had to put "Real Email -- Not Wingo SPAM" in an email subject line tells you a lot about how I comport myself with my colleagues.” -Wingo “Savage Question Song! Y’all fucking FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU GOT IT WRONG! YOU ARE DUMB! No, I’m kidding, you’re not dumb. You fucked up, it happens. That’s life.” -Matt Richards “You know, bucatini. It’s like spaghetti... with goals.” -C “Love like you’re Jesus Christ. Wash your hands like you’re Pontius Pilate.” -Brian “Show me on the tackling dummy where the illegal touching happened.” -Nikki “Get cable. Discover Disney Junior. Muppet Babies. Weird. So weird. #NotMyMuppetBabies.” -Paul  “Take the swabs. Leave the cannoli.” -C “Facetyfacetyfacetyfaaaaaaaace!” -Nikki “If you win, you may smoke it. WHEN you lose, you must eat it. I don’t make the rules.” -Erskine “The internet discovers that Wendy Williams is a terrible person once a week.” -Adam “¡Carajo! Errbahurr!” -me, upon looking at a full parking lot “In these increasingly uncertain times, I want to be absolutely clear on something. I never *don't* want pizza. It is never a bad or inappropriate time for pizza. I will never, in any way, be displeased by receiving pizza. And, at no time in my life, will I ever say "no, that's fine, personally I don't want any pizza." I hope I have made myself clear.” -Brian “That’s a terrifying prospect. Goddamnit, I’m in.” -Kimberly “My dream from December 2020 involved a previous neighbor and his two-mouthed dog. Not two-headed, but two mouthed. Imagine a Doberman crossed with a Big Mac.” -Evil Travis “Sounds like SOMEONE is jealous of the awesome sex her witch friends are having, just saying. #StellaImmanuelOnlyDoesMissionary” -Shannon “Why does Ken Jennings get applause for his use of a buzzer during championship rounds but the Astros are vilified? That’s Double Jeopardy in more ways than one!” -Jess “That's Roman's new move...the Bowel Movement" -JB After Roman tips Corbin over in the potty during Royal Rumble “Smoke my weed.” -Kyle “Tomorrow on Personal Injury Court: "You destroyed my vagina!" Me: "Continue."” -Klauss “Vernon Valley/Action Park on line one.” -Gordon’s one-line review of “Cannonball” “There’s no substitute for good old fashioned know-how.” -Prof. O “So a coworker says she’s pro-gun, pro-God, pro-LEO, pro-Trump, pro-life and that all lives matter. I say to her, quoting Colin Firth, ‘I’m a Catholic whore who is currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. So hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam.’ See? I can flex for rubes on social media, too.” -C “Boy. Smoke really let himself go.” -Caleb “SUPER MATCH on tonight’s MGHSH: ______ LOVER $1000: Red Hot $500: Lousy $250: Latin.... I’ve been called all these things. At the same time.” -C “BREAKING: Massachusetts Lottery names Tom Brady its spokesman for its new lotto game -- Pick 6.” -Doug “If music be the food of love, then umami is the food of food!” -Heather “We already have artificial intelligence in the announcers booth… His name is Joe Buck.” -Brian “I don’t have the time or the crayons to show you how you did that wrong.” -Q “Okay so about Herve Villechaize’s dick.” -Klauss “Sharon after two Proseccos is the funniest motherfucker alive.” -Matt Richards “There’s tired, and then there’s Disney tired. He’s worn out!” -Terrie “Who the fuck is Mickey Rooney?” -Greg’s older brother when he was 8 “Remember, exercise causes endorphins. Endorphins make you happy....” -Michael “And happy people don’t kill their husbands.” -everyone  “Peace, love, dope! Now get the hell out of my house!” -Evil Travis “My sister is being disgusted!” -Shannon’s sister “I already have my picks to replace Condfederacy monuments/statues and other members of the slave trade/colonialism. 1. Spock 2, Any Pokemon 3. Columbo (Specifically for Christopher Columbus) 4. The lead singer of GWAR 5. Dolly Parton” -Dane “Having said that, KEEP STAYING INSIDE. Let’s put this in easy terms: did you ever have a teacher say “If you’re good the entire week, we’ll watch a movie in class on Friday”? And when you made it to Thursday, everybody kind of had an eye on the dipshit in the class who was probably going to screw it up for everybody? Okay, right now, as far as COVID goes, it’s Thursday. Keep an eye on Adam. Or...I mean, whatever the kid’s name was in your class.” -Adam “I'm at the level of drunk where everything is HILARIOUS and I'm very pleased with myself... now I’m having a second drink and wearing this VERY NECESSARY hat.” -Arianna “May your 2020 be like ABC’s, shaky at first, but getting stronger.” -BB “A bunch of Goofuses and nary a Gallant.” -Ian “Hard and Stormy - the next pornhub film from Michael Avenatti.” -JB after Chico tried mistakenly to say “Dark and stormy” “With a name like Joe Exotic, expect more fingers than teeth.” -Chico re: Tiger King “I’d rather offend someone by showing up, by trying to understand and trying to care, than offend someone by not showing up, by refusing to understand and for appearing indifferent.” -Christina “If you feel the need to throw shade from behind an anonymous Twitter account... Don’t. Say it to my face or don’t say it at all. Don’t waste my time. It’s 2020. We’re not on here wasting people’s time. Stop it.” -Anne “His shake brings nobody to the yard.” -Jess re: HQreeper “Did Bill Cullen do Blockheads?” -Q “OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!” -C "I do normally have energy, but I did just win the Space Jam, so..." -Neumann “So watching the NFL Playoff game and my first thought is that I wonder how the Houston Astros were able to show the Texans how to steal all of the KC Chiefs' signals from their playbook.” -Gordon “Does anybody here have a dollar?” -C “No but I have a chicken!” -Q “You know what borders on insanity? Canada and Mexico.” -Chelsea’s friend Cathie “A 1 followed by 100 zeroes is known as a Googol. A 1 followed by 1,000 zeroes is known as the number of e-mails you will receive from 1-800-FLOWERS in the week leading up to Valentine's Day if you've ever bought even one bouquet in your life.” -Adam “I think I hate everything and everybody, so I’m going to get drunk on beer that’s been brewed in an old sheep carcass and then I’m going to stick my tiny penis in a dead dog I found in a ditch to make hate-babies or something because I am actually more stupid than mud.” -Alucard, impersonating Trevor Belmont, Castlevania “10/10 for entertainment and entry level gaming abilities. Gratuitous gore and endless ammunition. You will literally cry from laughing. Especially if you're as good at being bad at it as I am.” -Becca “I’m trying to eat better. After work today I’m going to have myself a nice salad. That’s right a nice Caprese salad with tomatoes and mozzarella cheese, and croutons… Well OK one crouton… One very large round crouton. Pizza. I’m going to order a pizza.” -Brian “Coming to theaters in January 2021: 2Jeopardy 2 GOAT.” -Evil Travis “You overthought it!” -Michael “You know me, Michael. Overthinking is kinda my thing.” -C “I had a baby.... in my king cake.” -Kathryn “hear me out: a cross between a heating pad AND a weighted blanket. *become* the hot pocket.” -Chelsea “Guessing both Foxes (New Fox & Disney) are catching onto the reality that Seth (MacFarlane) only has one idea, which he keeps trotting out in different disguises.” -Kevin “How’s your Wednesday?” -Wingo “Oh you know, places to go, people to see, lives to save, asses to cover. You know, a Wednesday!” -C “That’s why I don’t hold grudges, because I can’t remember shit.” -Joey “Brainvision has been brought to you by the Fire Me Please Sporting Division Showdown! Who will win? The Cleveland Browns? The Houston Astros? The NJ Devils? The NY KNicks? It will be fun to find out! That's the Fire Me Please Sporting Division SHowdown!” -Gordon  "I have sent a dick pic. I didnt mean to do it. Mom, I'm sorry.” -contestant on The Circle “You can make excuses or you can make game moves. Pick one!” -C “He who hesitates is sacked.” -Nikki on Tua “Merry Crimbo!... I mean, Merry Chrysler!... I mean...” -Statboy “Welcome to this edition of “Faith in Humanity”, brought to yo by Bleagh. 🤮” -Gordon “Ass trumps feet, count it.” -VRM “On the Season Finale of St. Patswhere, Chief Surgeon Brady suddenly realizes that time has caught up to him and can't accurately perform like he as done in years past. Director of Medicine Belichick talks to his staff and is irate that instead of researching Vrabel-Tannehillitis, they brought him documents on Bunglaria. He punishes them by making them work on back cases and organizing them by bacteria count. In the operating room, time is not on the side of the staff as the patient is also suffering from Henry Syndrome where he rushed for 182 yards and a touchdown. To further accentuate the problems, Belichick finds out that Vrabel-Tennehillitis eats up the time left in the patient, despite his efforts to make time stand still. With time running out, Brady tries to push through his decline and makes a dangerous surgical operation. Sadly, the operation would turn to be fatal for the patient as Brady slips and cuts through vital organs and the scalpal is intercepted by the heart. The patient dies on the table and leaving both Brady and Belichick wondering if they still have what it takes in this new era of medicine. Will our dynamic duo return? find out next season...on St. Patswhere.” -Cyndi “That looks nothing like Tom Villard.” -Mike, anytime someone mentions Chris “Captain America” Evans as “America’s ass” “Okay, no no no no stop halt quit it cease desist. I will sign off on an Anglicized live-action remake of Ranma 1/2 before I approve of this.” -me reacting to a Fresh Prince reboot “Welcome to the Absolutely Fucking Crazy Championship game! With your analysts Tom Brady and Lamar Jackson. Tom: “Hey Lamar, how come we’re not playing in this game?” Lamar: “Cause we suck, man!” • Carl “Politicians are temporary. Wu-Tang is forever.” -@PressedNC “Coffee is not meaningless. Coffee is everything.” -LiyaZee “in the grand scheme of things, aren't we ALL between a sex store and a crematorium?” -Chelsea “You can cancel the show. You can not. Cancel. The culture.” -Chico “Go be bitter elsewhere.” -Hannah “Happy holidays ... and you’re welcome.” -Wayne Brady.... after telling us he’s not wearing underwear. === May our collective 2021 not suck as much as this year did. Seriously, I tried to burn my calendar and it wouldn’t burn.  Anyway, here’s to 2021... Come together, just think of tomorrow.