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yooniesim · 6 months

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this as a prime example of what is wrong with simblr (and tumblr in general). this ask was sent to me within like less than a day of that post about cf going up, while I was away for the weekend and not at pc for days. I did not even see the post until right before I got this ask. yall are so damn terminally online that you lost the gd plot and cannot comprehend someone not keeping their finger on the dying pulse of the performative activism headquarters of the internet. and you definitely can't comprehend waiting for complete info or maybe just a full day before starting some reactionary bs. just peeking in here since yesterday i see that simblr is yet again so hyped up on smelling its own farts that it's turned an issue of genocide into yet another dick measuring contest of who can reblog more posts than one another the fastest so they can look more empathetic and better than anyone else. and call themselves "real activists" for being able to click the reblog button. not to mention the usual spamming anons to random people minding their own business. yall are weird as fuck and need to get a firm grip on some grass. stop making the horrific suffering of others about yourselves for once.

that being said, let me get serious for the people on here that are actually normal. for those that don't know by now, this anon seems to be referencing this post about cf, which talks about overwolf (the company that owns curseforge) donating to the IDF. But I also found this tweet by OOP made after that post that explains they have since received DMs from Overwolf stating that they have shifted their relief efforts to aiding victims that have lost their homes from the Hamas terrorist attacks exclusively and do not fund the IDF. this is a much better cause as the victims of terrorism definitely deserve to be helped, and it makes sense they would do this as an Israeli company. The DMs also clarify that it is donation based and nothing uploaded to cf (cc/mods) contributes to this effort whatsoever. As well as Overwolf/Curseforge revenue in general. So simply using curseforge does not mean that you fund or endorse genocide. OOP calls their new efforts commendable in that tweet but I am still looking into and keeping an eye on this matter since, as we know, more information could come out later that contradicts this. And since I have been away im still catching up on everything that has been posted relating to cf.

here are the pics for those that may not have Twitter. do I still support a boycott for those that want to? oh, absolutely. I know that many will still want to boycott regardless, and I'll be working to add alt links to my cc uploads as soon as possible (the ones that don't already have them) for those that don't want to use it. However, everyone I've seen wanting to boycott seems to want to do it because a) they believe overwolf is funding the IDF (apparently is not true) b) they believe having their uploads on cf or downloading from there will fund the IDF (apparently is not true) or c) overwolf itself is an Israeli company (is definitely true). therefore based on the new info we now have some may decide not to boycott after all or will still do so, it is a personal decision. will I be deleting my account there? for now, no.

to be completely honest, I'm in a really bad place financially right now, and while it isn't much, the little bit I get from cf downloads has been exclusively going towards my meds and dr appointment bills. I don't have the option right now to turn down the small amount of added income when I am currently living day to day, especially with the updated knowledge that simply having cc uploaded there does not contribute to their donation efforts in any way. I do not paywall my cc and never will and I do not ask for donations myself, so my options are somewhat limited. although I do not make cc with the aim of getting paid, I ultimately wouldn't be able to justify the sheer amount of time I spend on it if it wasn't helping me with my medical bills currently, as I am already caregiving with the majority of my time. I'm not reliant on cc making or cf to live, and I never want that to be the case god forbid, but in full transparency it is helping me with my healthcare expenses atm and I cannot afford to neglect my health anymore than I have. especially since, as established earlier, using cf does not contribute to the IDF in the first place. so I personally do not judge anyone that continues to use cf for this reason.

also, for the record so there is no confusion on my personal views, I fully support the freedom of Palestine and condemn genocide first and foremost, as well as terrorism and antisemitism. The current situation in Gaza is abhorrent and I encourage all my followers to not only reblog posts, but educate yourselves on the situation and bring it irl as you are able. Speak with the people you love as well as those you are acquainted with and bring this to this to their attention (if you feel safe to). Attend protests if you can. If you cannot, make the calls and emails to your representatives, sign petitions, and donate as you are able. I have been seeing that even spreading Palestinian culture among your loved ones and peers is helpful. So even if you are in a bad place mentally, that may be an option to spread the positive message of the Palestinian people in your everyday life. I'll be reblogging the posts I already did earlier and some new ones too so you can find those updated links. I will be tagging it with palestine so that it can be found easily on my page.

In addition, be kind. To others and yourself. Try to see the full damn picture instead of a snapshot. What someone posts on tumblr of all places does not reflect an entire person's being, or their efforts, or their heart. Yelling your head off on this dying website does not equal activism, and running your mental health into the ground taking on the weight of the world doesn't give you any more control over the issues we face- I learned that the hard fucking way, believe me. By all means share as much as you like, every bit helps (especially if you have a lot of followers), but keep in mind that it certainly doesn't make you better than anyone else. I know it's extremely difficult to feel helpless and you want to feel like you're doing something, but just make sure you're doing the right things for the right reasons. Please do not fucking attack random people for not responding within one business day of the latest info coming out. And take time away from all this shit to breathe. You can't help anyone if you're fucked up yourself. especially for those of us that already face discrimination and bigotry every day irl, I know it is exhausting. Remember to also care for yourselves through all this.

#ceci speaks #nonsims #asks #anonymous

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cbk1000 · 2 months

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Hey, so kind of a general writing/not been on tumblr much update (because apparently I'm so perpetually online people will ask me if I'm ok after a few days of me not posting as much lmao): I have been having some health issues. I haven’t really mentioned them aside from updating a couple people I talk to daily on why I've been so quiet because a.) I felt too poorly to do anything other than marathon sitcoms I've seen a bazillion times, and b.) I didn't know what was going on.

The tl; dr is that, after getting diagnosed with strep throat a few weeks ago, and feeling mostly normal aside from some minor irritation in my throat, I started feeling horribly weak and overall just fucking terrible, and I was having bad tachycardia. Like a heart rate in the high 130s just standing, and a sitting heart rate of like 110 (my normal resting heart rate is in the low 70s). Three trips to the ER later, a bunch of normal labs and cardiac tests, and my boss (ER nurse for 20 years) pushing for an echo, and I finally got a diagnosis of pericarditis, which is inflammation of the sac around your heart. It's most commonly caused by viruses. The ER doc suspects my strep throat was misdiagnosed and I had a virus that caused the inflammation of my heart, although I think bacterial infections can sometimes cause it as well. I've been put on high dose ibuprofen and some acid reflux meds to protect my stomach while I'm on such a high dose of ibuprofen, and I have to take it easy for at least the next week and then be careful and play it by ear. I have been too weak to even sit up much for the past several days and cannot stand for very long, which is infuriating as someone who does one-armed push-ups for funsies.

Anyway, all this is to say, I'm still alive, the next chapter of Book of Merthur (for any of you following it) was coming along just fine but for obvious reasons is a bit postponed now. I'll probably be off work all next week again and hopefully will feel strong enough to get in a bit of writing. (And for any readers about to say, 'Oh my God, don't worry about that, take care of yourself!!' I am literally gnashing my teeth to go back to writing and am furious that my last week or so has consisted of me being too exhausted even to read. I've been marathoning sitcoms I've seen a bazillion times, I'm not even much of a TV watcher, and I'm going crazy. Yesterday I lifted two books to get to the one I wanted underneath them, and was so exhausted I went straight back to bed. THEY WERE PAPERBACKS. AND NOT WAR AND PEACE PAPERBACKS.)

#personal #also Mr Jenn is a gem just throwing that out there

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nanistar · 3 months

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What are your thoughts on Rootspring, and/or Alderheart? I personally despise both of them…

Alderheart mainly because of the fact that he was written just SO blatantly to push Sparkpelt, who *very clearly should’ve gotten his arc*, to the sidelines, and also because of how blatantly wrong fanon interpretation of him is. His anxiety? Gone by the second book of the arc. He’s not interesting, he’s not realistic, he’s just… generic tom that the writing of she-cats around him bends to his whim for. I also dislike Twigbranch and Violetshine, though, but to a much lesser extent - with them, it just feels as if their writing is incoherent and all over the place.

Rootspring because of how much he derailed Bristlefrost’s arc, AND also because of the fact that Needleclaw isn’t even allowed to *be a character in her own right* because Rootspring is apparently just *that special*. I find him to be kind of an uncomfortable protagonist, too, because he doesn’t seem to take ‘no’ for an answer with Bristlefrost, and pressures her to like him back… and is rewarded for that by her eventually reciprocating, apparently. The fact that Bristlefrost’s death involved her thinking of becoming a mother and wife to him was just a big misogynistic cherry on top, considering that *was never something she wanted prior to this*! She wanted to help her clan, her family… making her sacrifice about loser sadboy Rootspring just felt like a spit in the face at that point. I love Bristlefrost, but she was done dirty in the latter half of the arc…

yeah, i mean. you pretty much summed it up.

i don't like either of them but i think i dislike alderheart even more just because i hated that whole arc.

despite my love for sparkpelt, by biggest issue with him is that his ineptitude caused sandstorm to die. she went on the journey to find skyclan with him and then nicked her shoulder on a fence and died of infection because he couldn't remember the herb... makes me SO angry. sandstorm was one of the best cats, and she couldn't even be buried with her family. squirrelflight and leafpool don't get to say goodbye. she should have died at home surrounded by loved ones, or she should have died in battle despite being an elder because that's what she would have wanted.

the worst part is he didn't even grow from it. he's like oh sad i killed my grandma for like 30 minutes and then literally never thinks of her again. he should have fully devoted himself to his studies and poured himself into his work memorizing ever plant by taste, scent and sight. he should have specialized in infection and learned to detect it long before any other med cat. and then he should have asked to be named alderstorm in honor of his grandma so he could always remember her sacrifice for him and for skyclan.

#hate that man #rootspring is so nothingburger to me #bristlefrosts death was stupid and narratively made no sense. it should have been shadowsight but WHATever

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bunnyseahorse-blog · 2 months

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I don’t feel like my therapist is listening, so I fired him, and I don't even feel bad.

I have half a dozen serious mental illness diagnosis and medical issues. When I applied for disability I was approved in three months (usually takes longer from what I'm told) and almost immediately moved from their metaphorical “she might get better” to “she’s going to be receiving benefits for life” pile.

The doctor I saw from age 7 to 30 advised me not to drive because of my condition that causes me frequent fainting.

She suggested I not live alone because I have delusions, mood swings and sometimes need to be hospitalized. I saw this doctor for 23 years, and also went to other specialists that agreed with her. I saw her until she was retired.

My general doctor says that even though I am overweight she is pleased with my glucose and cholesterol levels. My old, and also my new psychiatrists agreed with her.

My parents say I can live with them and have support. They are actually creating an expansion on the house so I can live on my own sort of and still have them nearby. My eldest sibling is inheriting the house when my parents die and they will rent to me until I die. We don't always get along, but I am trying, and we are navigating our unique dynamic so we can make it work.

This new therapist I’ve been seeing keeps insisting I go off disability, get a job, move out of my family’s house, live alone, and lose weight. Because I’m too old to “mooch off my parents.” He made comments from the get go about my weight. I am overweight yes, but he's not a doctor or nurtritionist. I am not experiencing any health issues because of my weight, which is partly due to my medical conditions and my meds. He made a comment once that i should show some pride in myself and not wear a beanie to sessions "do something nice with my hair." He told me once my shoulders looked smaller and I must be doing better. I was thinking.... do I have fat shoulders too??

I am going to a session today to explain to him nicely that he needs to let me set my own goals, and also educate him on how my life really is. I don’t think therapists should require educating. If he doesn’t get it, I’m leaving the session but I’m giving it a shot anyways.

I’m scared and I’m angry. Wish me luck? I don't want to be a project for him. I want to talk about things in sessions that i need to, not what he considers on his own agenda.

EDIT: I went to the session and voiced my concerns about he got a little defensive, but eventually seemed to see what i was saying and switched his focus to what I told him my goals were. However... I wanted a therapist to help me work through my abandonment issues and trauma, not a life coach to push me. I think i might find someone with a different focus is good. (plus him getting defensive isn't a great sign to me) he also insinuated that my little sister, who he has heard off, never met and never examined, is mentally handicapped because of one of her birth parents. We've had her tested, and everyone seems to be saying she's very sharp and doesn't have what her birth mom has. He also asked what my doctor of 23 years even did for me. I was like... diagnosed me with everything I have? Oh but according to him, diagnoses aren't relevant. I have a condition similar to schizophrenia, and yes you should know if you have that....

Also... I signed something saying he could have access to the last notes of my previous therapist, since I have extensive history but he apparently never got it, never told me he didn't get it, and wants me to go through the process again. I feel like the office dropped the ball, because I signed it already.

I think it might be time to move on... I canceled my next appointment. I feel like I should be able to find someone who listens better, and is there to help me, not fix me into things I am not capable of. Having him insist I am wrong and lazy for excepting my limitations, after the long grieving process that came with becoming permanently disabled at 26, has been upsetting, because I keep doubting myself, even though I know I have done the right things.

#Therapy #Personal post #mental heath #disability

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jedi-hawkins · 9 months

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Shockpack - WIP - Hunter x f!jedireader

Summary: Just another day in a spaceport as f!jedireader and the Bad Batch go about repairing the Marauder, when something goes horribly wrong. Happening at some point during the Clone Wars pre-Echo.

~1.5k words

Pairing: light insinuation between Hunter x f!reader

Warnings: CPR/AED usage, cardiac arrest, sounds of breaking bones, physical trauma, medical treatment, some cuteness/fluff

Notes: This is my first time posting any of my writing. Just a segment of a WIP for my oc (which I may introduce here at some point). Originally written in third person, I changed the pov to second person, which I don't normally write in, so sorry if it seems choppy!

Thank you for reading! please reblog if you liked it so I can start working on more writing to post!

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"Hunter, that needs to be more to the left."

Hunter brings his head back out of the engineering bay he and Tech are working on. Both brothers have removed their upper armor to make it easier to reach into the tight spots. "Tech, why did you ask for my help if you're going to correct everything I do?"

"Because, I need an extra set of hands, Hunter. The General is busy plotting our next mission and you sent Crosshair and Wrecker out for supplies."

You chuckle at the two arguing brothers before turning back to the holomap in front of you.

"Well if you keep telling me what to do, then you'll have to grow the extra set of hands yourself." Hunter snaps back.

Tech sighs. "I'm just saying, if that component is not at the optimal angle, then it may not remain stable-"

"Stow it, Tech. It's attached to the ship. What's next?"

Footsteps signal the return of Crosshair and Wrecker, the latter sets down two large crates as his brother hefts two packs from his shoulders.

"The med supplies are in here, General." Wrecker says, pointing to one of the large crates.

You give him a smile, "Thanks, Wrecker. You guys get everything else?"

"Apparently ration packs are in short supply in this sector, so bars will have to do for now." Crosshair says. "Much to Wrecker's disappointment."

His brother grumbles in response as a few metal clanks and choice curses from Hunter float over from the side of the Marauder.

"That seems fun." Crosshair says, placing a toothpick in his mouth.

You roll your eyes. "Yeah, I think Hunter is getting close to strangling Tech with one of the exhaust hoses."

Wrecker chuckles. "He is particular."

Before anyone can say anything else, a large bang comes from the Marauder. You, Wrecker and Crosshair run over to see Hunter is lying on his back, eyes closed and Tech is shaking his shoulders.

"Tech what happened!?" You shout, sliding to a stop on your knees beside him.

"I-I don't know General. I told him that component could become unstable at the wrong angle."

Your eyes follow Tech's finger that's pointing to a small metal part lying a few feet away from Hunter.

Your eyes widen and you elbow Tech out of the way, nearly causing him to fall over. "Move." You lean her cheek close to Hunter's face and holding two fingers to his neck.

"It happened so quick, it must have hit him in the chest." Tech stammers out.

Wrecker's brow furrows as he watches you place your hands over Hunter's sternum. "What are you-"

"Hunter's heart isn't beating. Shock pack in the med bay. Bright orange. Go." You say.

Wrecker disappears as you start leaning all your weight onto your Sergeant's chest in rhythm. Crosshair can hear you muttering under your breath.

"fifteen... sixteen... seventeen..."

Wrecker returns with the case and sets it down at Hunter's side opposite you. "Now what?" he asks.

You stop pressing on Hunter's chest and whip out a vibro-blade which you use to cut the Sergeant's upper blacks straight up the front. Immediately, you go back to trusting your hands into Hunter's chest. "Open it. Put the pads on his chest like the picture and turn it on. Work around me." You say, your breath starting to become labored.

They falter for a moment when you suddenly press your lips to Hunter's. After a couple seconds you go back to pushing into Hunter's chest and the three brothers realize you're breathing for him. Crosshair and Wrecker quickly work together to follow your instructions. They peel the backing off the sticky shock pads and press them to Hunter's chest. Wrecker presses the green 'on' button and a smooth voice comes from the shock pack.

'Device on. Do not touch the patient."

You stop your movements and holds your arms out to keep the brothers back.

'Analyzing heart rhythm. Shock advised. Do not touch the patient. Deliver shock.'

You reach across Hunter and press a big flashing button on the shock pack and Hunter's body jolts with electricity.

'Continue Compressions.'

You immediately jumps back to Hunter's chest, sweat beginning to bead on your forehead. "Come on, Hunter. Come on." You mutter under your breath.

A few sickening cracks comes from the Sergeant's chest and Tech adjust his goggles. "It appears you have broken his ribs."

Crosshair balls up his fists. "She just broke his what?"

Tech peers over her shoulder. "Are you sure-"

"Of course. I'm sure." You snap as you continue pressing on Hunter's chest. "I've done this. Before."

You lean down and presses your lips to Hunter's again. The brothers look on helplessly as you return to compressing Hunter's chest. Strands of hair fall into your face as you mutter under her breath.

"Come on Hunter. Breathe. Come back." You feel a pull in the Force and you reach out for it, pushing it through you into your Sergeant.

A tear falls from your face and hits Hunter's cheek and suddenly he takes a gasping breath. His brothers immediately lurch forward to be closer to him as you take your hands off him in surprise.

Hunter's eyes move frantically around him to get oriented. "Wh-what?"

He tries to sit up but you press a hand to his chest to keep him laying flat, shushing him gently, "It's okay, you're okay. Just lay still a second."

Hunter blinks. "What happened?"

You give him a weak smile. "Your heart stopped."

"That component that you fitted blew off the ship and struck you." Tech remarks. "What I don't understand is how it caused this."

You stroke a few strands of Hunter's hair and respond without moving your eyes from him. "Commotio cordis. When an object hits someone in the chest in just the right spot at just the right time in their heartbeat, it causes the heart to stop."

Wrecker's eyes widen. "That can happen?"

"It's rare, but yes." You nod as you peel the shock pack pads off of Hunter.

"That's what I get for taking my chestplate off." He says sarcastically.

A laugh escapes you as you shake your head. Hunter tries to sit up again but groans in pain and lays back down.

"I get my heart stopped, but it's working now. Does someone want to tell me why my chest hurts so bad?" He moans.

"The General broke your ribs." Crosshair says simply.

Hunter looks back at you and you make an apologetic face. "Broken ribs or death. Those were your options." You simply reply. "Bacta patches should be on the ship. Do you think you can get up or do you want us to bring one to you?"

Hunter shakes his head. "No, I'm good. I can get up."

You offer Hunter your hand and support his back with the other as he gingerly sits up. Another groan passes his lips as he stands with additional help from Crosshair. The perma-bunk in the Marauder's med bay creaks slightly as you and Crosshair sit him down on it, leaning him back on a mountain of pillows.

"I'll leave you to it, General." Crosshair says. "Try to not break anything else."

You roll your eyes as the door slides closed behind him and you move over to the med cabinet to pull out the tin of bacta patches. After fishing out the correct size, you turn around to Hunter who's watching you intently.

The bunk creaks again as you sit down on its edge. You peel the backing off the patch and gently press it over the center of Hunter's chest where you felt his ribs break. Hunter hisses at the pressure.

"I know, I'm sorry." You say, tossing the patch wrapper in the trash bin.

Hunter shakes his head. "Don't apologize. You saved my life. In the most literal way possible this time."

You give him a smile as you reach over to grab some trauma scissors off the counter. "These blacks are spent, I'm assuming you don't want them?" You say, gesturing to the his upper blacks cut straight up his chest.

He laughs, "I don't know. This could be my new look."

You roll your eyes as you cut up each sleeve, allowing the fabric to fall from Hunter's figure. He leans forward with a grimace to allow you to pull the shirt out from behind him.

"You're going to need to rest for a bit before you're back on your feet. With the bacta a couple hours should be enough." You say, standing up from the bunk. "Here, I can take your armor off to make you more comfortable."

Hunter nods his consent and you gently slide his feet out of his boots and undo the fastenings on his lower armor pieces, leaving him in just his lower blacks. You turn to leave the med bay, but Hunter grasps your wrist.

"Stay?" He asks, pleading wide eyes.

Smiling, you sit back down on the bunk and scoot in next to Hunter. He turns his body to curl into you and rests his head on your chest, breathing in your scent deeply. Your arm wraps around his back and you leans her head back to rest it on the wall behind you, closing your eyes.

Hunter's breathing slows into little puffs of air like it always does when he's sleeping. You just play with his soft curls and let Hunter's soft breathing wash over you.

He stirs for a second and mumbles something you can't quite hear.

"What was that?" You ask.

Hunter lets out a little huff of air, "Tech is never going to let this go."

You let out a giggle before pressing your lips to his forehead. "Next time, I'll work on the ship with Tech."

#star wars #the clone wars #tcw #tbb #the bad batch #the bad bath hunter #tbb hunter #bad batch #tbb oneshot #tbb tech #tbb crosshair #tbb wrecker #tbb fanfic #sw tbb #sw tbb fanfiction #i don't know how tags work am i doing this right?

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actualbird · 1 year

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woop i guess here i go− does it ever bother u how they don't really ever quite explain what's going on with luke's illness other than "aAAAH he'S sUDDENLY in PAIN!!1!1!" and some sort of nerve damage and what not... not that it doesn't make it any less sadder... BUT!!! sometime ago i looked up the symptoms of nerve damage and apparently it says stuffs like sharp pains (which we see happen often to luke through out) BUT ALSO numbness, tingling, loss of muscle strength, and suddenly dropping stuff??? so i'm just wondering if you have any headcanons on luke's illness? DO YOU THINK HE'S JUST IN CONSTANT STINGING PAIN, AND HIS PAIN KILLERS ARE SO STRONG IT JUST NUMBS HIS WHOLE BODY??? OR DO YOU THINK HE ALTERNATES BETWEEN FEELING NUMB AND SUDDEN SHARP PAINS??? this has been my personal hc ever since jfjsjd i'm sorry you could see i'm a luke stan cause all luke stans are angst enjoyers /hj i just wanted to share my brain rot to the world thank you

hi anon!!! first off, i deffo wanna say uve come to the right place both abt luke hcs (because im a luke enjoyer first, a human being second) AND thoughts about his illness

tho i wouldnt say im bothered by how they dont explain the symptoms of his illness much since narratively, i can see how this would be necessary to maintain a certain amount of suspense on the NXX drug

however, ur so right in bringing up those other symptoms, bc ive got a bunch of thoughts and feelings about this!!

for context, i also have a longtime undiagnosed-after-years-of-tests neurological condition, but it's not serious and more just a lifetime inconvenience. i experience muscle myoclonus, which means that at any time without warning, my legs, arms, or neck can suddenly jerk into movement and ive actually got a bunch of those symptoms u mention haha!

but enough about that! lemme go thruuuuu

some of my thoughts/hcs on luke's illness

wc: 1.7k

before i start, this is whole thing is going to be mixing fiction (tot's story) and fact (IRL information on certain illnesses, medications, etc). the fiction bit is important because while tot describes luke's condition and shows us its effects, does Not name what it is, and the whole thing is still shrouded in a lot of mystery. but the fact bit is important because there are real conditions out there that are similar to what luke has, based on what we know.

among them, Fibromyalgia seems like the closest real world condition to what luke has got, but since it's not outright stated in canon, i'll be making some stuff up. still, it's important to me to have like, a somewhat sensible system in making stuff up, which is why im laying down all this ground work jhvjdhsfd, and because in the hc portion of this post i'll be riffing off of some of my own experience

anyhoo, let's REALLY start with what we already Know

what we know of luke's illness thus far from all the available story information from the global server

key words in that above title are "global server", because im aware that main story episode 9 in the cn server looks like it'll give us more info on this, but i dont like to or want to spoil myself for tot's future main story. so i'll be working within global server parameters!

so heres everything we know (...or rather, what i was able to remember in the course of me writing this response HAHA), as its been outright said and confirmed in canon:

luke's condition is currently diagnosed as terminal

luke's condition mostly manifests in sudden pain episodes that happen randomly and without warning. these pain episodes are not described to be coming from any specific body part, just that it's pain in general.

these pain episodes happen without any external trigger (i.e. luke doesnt have a pain episode when somebody bumps into him suddenly, but he can have a pain episode out of nowhere just doing something as passive as sitting or standing)

immediately after a pain episode, he takes his meds

these meds are analgesics (painkillers) and he was prescribed them by his previous doctor (the one who was handling luke and his condition before aaron)

even now that aaron has taken over as luke's primary physician, luke still takes painkillers immediately after any pain episode to manage the pain

luke's condition was caused by the NXX drug. after a mission where his team was attacked with toxic gas, he was the only survivor and the medicine he was given was somehow contaminated with the NXX substance

the NXX drug causes damage to the central nervous system, and luke's condition is confirmed to be related to his nervous system because in SSR Under The Milky Way, he describes his condition very specifically with the lines "[The contaminant] caused irreversible damage to my nervous system." and "[I] will constantly suffer from intermittent nerve pain."

hcs on The Experience Of The Condition

the main physical symptom we see in canon is pretty clear: sudden and randomly occurring debilitating pain. i like to think it's of the stinging variety!! but dialed up to 10000000 because it's always shown to be intense enough that always luke reacts to the pain. and luke's pain tolerance is High. in personal story 4, he didnt even flinch when mc was stitching up his gash, but he did double over in pain, trembling and shaking, when he got hit with one of the pain episodes.

in addition to the pain though, i totally second the motion on the symptoms of numbness, tingling, loss of muscle strength (which then leads him to train more to compensate for any loss, because luke is a madman with low self worth and one of his skills is his physical strength so he needs to keep that up for as long as he can), and suddenly dropping stuff, the ones you mention. a

those are my thoughts on possible physical symptoms. but with a condition as heavy as this, there will be psychological/emotional ramifications too

because of how tot's canon shows luke experiencing the Pain Symptom, the pain itself is put front and center. but personally i also think that the fact this symptom occurs Randomly, Suddenly, and Without Warning is on the same level of "oh god why this" as the pain

in general, not being able to know when your body is going to start working against you really really sucks! you cant prevent it, you cant avoid it, and you cant see it coming. sure you Can prepare for its random eventuality through out the day, which is what luke does by carrying around his painkillers everywhere with him, but even then, that only alleviates the specific instance currently happening and not the overall trend of It'll Happen Again! When? Secret....

it's hugely frustrating. in my case with involuntary movement, eventually i tried to constantly and impossibly try to expect it so that when it does happen, i dont knock over glass to the floor or fall down the stairs

but always trying to expect something you cant predict causes tension and anxiety.

luke's condition is much more severe and painful than my quirk. so keeping a mental background program, so to speak, always running and looking out for a pain episode of his condition must suck bigtime.

because he'll basically always be bracing himself for pain, even when nothing is happening.

and on a metaphorical level, being constantly braced for pain even when things are fine is something luke does A Lot. luke is always worried and preparing for worst case scenarios, luke is always trying to think ahead to have various backup plans to ensure people's safety, and luke seems more used to pain and bad things than he is prepared for happiness and good things.

bracing himself for pain gives luke a semblance of control over something that is terrifyingly out of his control completely. at least if hes always thinking about its inevitability, he'll have things that can help mediate its effects. but the price for that control is a constant tension and dread building inside of him every second, because hes always waiting for the other shoe to drop

my ideal hope for luke's story when a kind of treatment for his condition is found

i dont actually want for the condition to be completely cured. like, dont get me wrong, i obviously want the Terminal aspect of his condition treated because i love him and want him to live a long and happy life, but i dont want all of his symptoms gone. personally, i'd find it much more compelling narratively if his condition is treated and will no longer kill him in a few years, but still causes him pain that needs to be managed with meds and other treatments. and why i want this is because:

1 ) given the sheer struggle of his condition in the story thus far AND the fact that luke himself literally said the damage done to his nervous system is Irreversible, having a medical miracle like that happen feels a teensy bit like a deus ex machina to me. (sidenote: ofc, ur free to disagree with me! and feel free to disagree with this whole post in general, we've all got different opinions and thats chill)

2 ) in general with stories, i am less drawn to super neat resolutions and im more drawn to resolutions that are more like "and things werent perfect and they never will be, there will always be problems, but our characters will be okay and theyll keep getting better and better, and it's in this push and pull of struggle and learning and progress and getting through where their happiness lies"

ever since luke was a kid, even before he developed his condition, hes had the fear of being a burden to his loved ones. and when he does get his terminal condition, this fear is worsened and he starts to see his existence in other people's lives as a whole as a burden of pain and grief that isnt worth the trouble. and...i dunno, i just like the idea of him continuing to live but also continuing to have these problems that still spark fear inside of him and still take so much work to manage every day. and out of habit, he braces himself for pain, not just for the kind his condition gives him but from Life because Surely, His Loved Ones Will Get Tired Of All Of This, Of Him and The Problems He Comes With, Right?

but surprise surprise, they dont. because they care about him. because this should not and is not a dealbreaker for them continuing to care about him.

aaron creates treatment thats more on the preventative maintenance meds angle so luke doesnt have to just wait for a pain episode to pop up and then dry swallow painkillers every time. it's not infallible , but sometimes luke can have hours, even a whole a day sometimes where the pain hes bracing himself for doesnt come.

mc always reminds luke to take his meds whenever luke gets too busy or caught up in a case. he worries at first that it's an inconvenience to her for her to have to remember his routines for him just in case, but that worry becomes quieter as luke realizes she reminds him in the same tone as she says "good morning" or "have you had lunch yet? wanna join me?", just this casual and loving thing thats now integrated into both their lives

the team are always ready to help too in their own way. when luke gets a pain episode in hq, marius offers distraction in the form of idle chatter on (harmless) internal pax gossip while luke waits for his painkillers to dull down the stinging. when luke feels uncomfortable tingling crawling across his whole body while out with vyn, vyn subtly helps luke move from a crowded area to a quieter one where outside stimuli cant further overwhelm luke's senses. when it's a bad grip strength day and all luke wants to do is punch something and fuck his useless hands up even more, artem tells luke about custom silicone grips that exist for things like pens or knives or such and that they could look for some next time they go shopping.

it is not perfect. but luke's life, even with the pain, is still worth living. everybody is trying to help and eventually, luke learns how to start helping him self along with them too.

soooo yea theres my thoughts!! thanks for the ask, anon :D

#tears of themis #luke pearce #tot luke #xia yan #sorry this ask took forever for me to answer btw huhu...im always ded these days orz #asks #anon

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glittertomb · 7 months

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Very personal but important question(s?) regarding chronic health issues and disability

So I’ve had fibromyalgia and Gastroparesis for about a decade now, and I try my best to self-manage these issues (in addition to the expensive meds they give me that don’t really provide relief), but it becomes severely difficult for me to work a full schedule, particularly when my job drains me physically, mentally, and emotionally. I spend my days off in complete recovery mode, absolutely bed-ridden, afraid to do anything social or physical, because I risk going into a total Fibro meltdown. Which is a nightmare, but I’ll spare you the details.

I’ve been considering applying for partial disability because I think working 3 or 4 days instead of 5 or 6 would be much better for most humans, honestly, but particular for someone like me who deals with chronic nausea, discomfort, and pain on the daily. I’ve been putting it off for ages though because I know that disability can be very difficult to get and a horrible process and I can’t work myself up to it or afford a disability lawyer to help me. I tried being a little more aggressive this past summer and collected “documentation” on my fibromyalgia in the hope of preparing to submit it, and literally all of my documentation says “fibromyalgia?” because apparently none of my doctors believe me after years of testing and thousands of dollars of office visits trying to get this diagnosis. To be honest, using fibromyalgia as my reasoning for disability needs was a dead end anyway because lots of doctors still don’t believe it exists, so I doubt the government would find that a good reason either. And I really doubt they would take the Gastroparesis seriously either, even though both of these conditions are dehabilitating at times.

So one of my friends recommended I go through the avenue of my mental health issues. At different points of my life I’ve been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, bipolar, ocd, adhd, etc, and who knows what the real answer is, but she’s a mess. I’ve been realizing over the past couple years that I’m very likely autistic, and that would actually explain a lot of these things, but the past 6 months have been crazy, and even though I’ve been working a bunch, I’m poorer than ever because of the rising cost of everything, so I cannot afford to get a formal diagnosis yet. But I know that I told my most recent psychiatrist all these horror stories about my anxiety, so I decided to get done documentation for her too, and guess what? Generalized depression and mild anxiety. Girl, huh? (Tw: blood and dermatillomania coming up) I showed her evidence of scars on my hands from picking my hands every night til I bleed everywhere, I described how I get overwhelmed and cry at work several times a week and often fight back panic attacks at work and in my private life, I told her than I struggled to fall asleep and stay asleep and only got collectively about a few hours every night, I told her that I literally could not socialize without using alcohol as a crutch but I can no longer do that because of my digestive issues so I self-isolate, I told her that I struggle to maintain eye contact and panic when people give me eye contact… so many stories like these. Mild anxiety smdh

So that comes to my first question cause I guess I decided while writing this that I have a couple:

1) How do you, as a female-presenting person, get a diagnosis for severe anxiety? How wild do my stories have to be without accidentally committing myself?! I have an ex, amab, who basically pulled a john Mulaney and was like, “I get nervous on planes sometimes” and he legit got a prescription for Xanax or one of those other big ones, and another who is on a dose of gabapentin 5x the strength of mine because he gets social anxiety sometimes, so this is especially frustrating that I can’t even get a dang proper diagnosis on anything after ten+ years of therapy, doctors, tests, everything.

2) What is the process like for getting an autism diagnosis and are there cheaper routes you can go that would still be credible? I’ve exhausted my expenses from years of jobs not paying my worth combined with money poured down the drain trying to get any sort of help with my kaleidoscope of issues, and at this point I’m too broke and demotivated and burnt out to figure out a way forward.

3. Has anyone been able to get partial or full disability who would be willing to hold my hand through the steps and keep me motivated? I know it’s a huge ask but I honestly get so anxious even thinking about the process that I completely shut down. At the very least, maybe you could explain what worked for you or how you would approach it better next time? I just moved far away from my support group so I’m feeling alone and even a word of caution or encouragement would help.

I know I’m not really as connected to this community as I used to be, but I’m hoping someone will get to the end of this and even a kind word or a smidge of sympathy/empathy would be nice. And please do reach out if you have fibro because I don’t meet many and it would be nice to have friends who can relate. Thank you for listening! 💜💜💜

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samueldeckerthompson · 6 months

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My mother, Cassandra Decker, died yesterday, and I'm not sad about it.

Mom wasn't an evil person, she wasn't even a bad person, in fact, she was extraordinarily sweet, kind, and giving, and she always did her best to be the best mother that she could be to her three children.

Unfortunately, she also inflicted untold trauma on me for the vast majority of my life.

These statements would seem to be in opposition of each other, but they are both true, she did indeed try her best, I have no doubts about that, but her severe mental illness almost always stood in the way of those efforts.

When I was still in elementary school my Mom began to do a lot of strange things;

She randomly dressed up as a clown at a soccer game, ran out onto the field and stole the ball from the ref.

At my baseball game when I made all-stars she stood in the crowd yelling vile insults and taunts as I tried to pitch, causing me to walk three batters in a row and hit the fourth.

One Christmas I received the most amazing toy car from an Uncle who lived in France, she forced me to destroy it with a hammer, saying my Uncle was a warlock and the car was possessed with an evil spirit.

One evening she picked up our heavy solid oak kitchen table and flipped it over on myself and my little sister, the cops were called, and they wrestled her out of the house as she screamed and wailed with rage in just one of many instances where I'd witness her being arrested for bizarre and sometimes violent behavior.

At that point she was diagnosed as being paranoid-schizophrenic and bipolar-manic depressive. She spent a couple months in an institution and although her meds would help intermittently, she was never the same again.

From that point forward, she'd generally have at least one major mental break each year of her life and spend a month or two in the looney bin.

Visiting her there as a child and young adult was just horrific, sometimes she'd be strapped down, other times doped up and almost comatose, another time I remember her holding a big ole palo verde beetle and absentmindedly petting it as if it was her favorite cat.

The last straw for visits there was the time she suddenly decided to cover herself and the visiting area in her own feces.

The tragedy was she'd always try to get her life back together after these episodes, but each time she was starting from scratch, during the time she was away she'd have lost a job or been evicted, all her stuff would get ransacked by roomates or stolen by neighbors if the cops didn't lock the doors when they took her away.

At one point she even went to beauty school, obtained her license, and opened her own salon. I was so proud of her, she was doing well, but it was in a rough part of town, hard to make a profit, and eventually the stress there caused another episode and she lost that too.

My sister and I each tried having her live with us at different times, but I couldn't make it work as I just wasn't willing to subject my kids to the same trauma I experienced.

The final time my mother lived on her own I showed up to check on her after not hearing from her and found her completely naked, sitting in her kitchen shivering and starving, babbling about how an imaginary government agency she called AARDVARK was monitoring her and she couldn't move from the floor or she'd show up on their radar and they'd know she was there.

The last thing she'd eaten was a rotisserie chicken that had apparently been on the counter for many days as it was rotting with bugs and maggots all over it. I vomited in the sink, and then helped her get dressed, she was so frail and feeble. An ambulance came and from there she mostly became a ward of the state, living in group homes for people with mental health issues, which was horrible for her during the months when she was sane, but surrounded by the lunacy of the other patients.

I tried to keep in touch, take her out to lunch, let her see her grandkids, had her over for Thanksgiving, birthday parties, and stuff like that, but as she was aging she started to become abusive, saying all sorts of awful things, and I began to withdraw and detach myself from her so I could protect myself and just focus on my children.

The last time I really interacted with her was not too long after my big brother died, which affected me profoundly, and she kept feeling the need to tell me that my brother was an evil person and would definitely spend eternity in fire.

I'm an atheist, but her insistence on repeating this led to me just cutting her off.

From there she developed dementia/Alzheimers and really seemed to go downhill quickly, and this ultimately led to her death.

Last night my eldest daughter was asking me if I had any happy memories of her grandma, and I just couldn't think of one in that moment, every memory that came to mind throughout the entirety of my life with my mother was bad, 100% trauma, dark thoughts just overshadowed everything,

but today I can remember that way back in the beginning she was a realllly good mom. She was an incredible cook, like world class, and I remember her teaching me things in the kitchen. I remember her helping with my homework, doing arts and crafts projects, and she'd sew clothes for us, and even make incredible pro-level costumes for Halloween and school plays. One day I came home and said I needed a bull costume with really big horns for a school play, she went out and bought fur and sewed me a full length costume with a long tail and somehow used paper mache to make this super realistic bull head with horns and everything. When I showed up for the play all the other kids just had horns cut out of paper that were clipped to their hair, and I was moved to the center of the stage to become the focal point of the whole play. It was incredible.

Also, she is the one who taught me to love to read, we used to all just lay on couches for hours and read, so much so that in 4th grade I was testing at post-college Ievels in reading comprehension and grammar.

My mom also taught me the beauty in writing poetry, and how cathartic it could be. Her poetry was actually the first I read as an adult. Unlike my pithy poems, hers flowed gorgeously and was dripping with flowery language in the old style of centuries past.

So, in the end, that's how I'll try to remember her, as a loving, caring, and talented mother who just got sick and never recovered. Hopefully in time I'll learn to let go of the bad memories and more good ones will come to me, but at the very least I'll always owe her a debt for giving me the gift of poetry.

I'm glad you finally have peace, Mom.

Cassandra Estella Decker

2/2/50 - 11/1/23

PS: I'll never get over how strange it is that such vivacious young people eventually become this decrepit older version of themselves as you see my mom devolve into in this last photo. Life is such a tragedy.

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starlightiing · 15 days

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Sighs

Today is the day of mess ups apparently. I made a tiny mistake at work and someone on my team was very quick to toss me right under the bus about it, even though I had already owned up to the fact that it was my mistake, because I do not blame other people for MY mistakes and never have - and that really got under my skin. She like panicked and sent all these emails out about how "Well Jessica assigned it I didn't assign it." like girl, relax, they KNOW. I literally said that it was my oversight, on the same email thread you were CC'd on. Relax.

I messed up something trying to have a conversation earlier - also entirely my oversight. I've apologized and we've moved on but it's really eating at me that i've made such an oversight. That's in no way on them at all, of course, I've got to figure out how to deal with that in my own head.

I have nightmare disorder and I had 3 nightmares last night, one of which caused a bit of a panic when I woke up. It's not done well for my mental state today either, I know it's making things 50x worse than they actually are in reality. Again, my brain issue, figuring out how to work through that.

Been quite upset by a few things with a few of my friends recently - I don't want to go into too much detail really, but I've been really hurt by one and I'm still navigating figuring out what to do about that as well, because it's not something that's worth bringing up. Then of course there's the issue with my ex-friend who sent me that really nasty email? Nothing of what she said bothers me at all, what bothers me is I still care about what happens to her and I know she's going through a huge mental break despite what she feels about me or what she's said to me/about me I still like, hope she's okay?? Even though I can't check in on her or help her in any way.

Generally just not a vibe today. I have a very "roll over and take the kicks" sort of submissive attitude today which is very unlike me. I'm not a vicious fighter by any means but I don't usually just take punches. I don't have the energy to do anything BUT today.

I doubt anyone's read this anyway, I don't really have much of a following here which is why I choose to vent here, as I assume I can just scream words and they won't really be found. But if you have read this, thank you, and I'm sorry. I'm lonely, I'm tired, my meds aren't working, I'm amped up, strings of mistakes are softening me today, I just want to be held and my fiance is in Scotland so lol on that. I just. Need people.

#vent post #i don't expect this to be read #just feelings tossed into the atmosphere before i shut the fuck up for the day and just idk #disappear into fandom posts

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stormcrow513 · 1 year

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Jesus, some people on here are just messed up, like I'm just bored clicking around get on this one person's account bout to go back cause boring boring boring...

Like holy fucking

This was one of the most half incoherent bat shit rant I've read in a while, that left me feeling confused upset and like unfairly attacked,

Like they start off being pissy about '21 somethings who can buy weed legally'

And then jumps to us in Colorado specifically,

Which starts to piss me off right there I love my state, as much as I get wanderlust time to time and like to try living elsewhere I'm born an raised like I wanna say fifth generation? Coloradan

This is my home,

It's one thing when people make Mile 'high' jokes those are usually in good humor and I think they're funny,

But this person just going off about us in particular about how 'easy' we got it

Oh I'm sorry how easy 21 somethings got it cause apparently they don't realize us 'old' folk also buy the legal drugs,

And all our options and how people from their state are coming here and bring our 'poison' into their state,

The 'poison' they apparently are so pissed they don't have easy access to, 👀

And how their state could have make much better 'poison' 😕

And then I think it stopped with wishing we all get hit in the head with a hammer!?!?!

I mean sorry to clog up y'all's dash with this but I really gotta vent on this cause of all the fucking things to go off about,

And specifically all the things about Cannabis to go off about,

Like that there are still people in prison in legalized states for cannabis charges,

That we still haven't dropped calling it marijuana despite the racist origins of that name (mind you I still fuck up and call it that too sometimes,)

The whole bat shit 'marijuana' plot that sounds like it should be a cooky conspiracy that is 100% factual,

But instead this person is getting pissed cause it's legal in my state,

First off asshole Colorado isn't the only legalized state,

Next even if it was, guess what dickhead I can't control your state,

mine voted it into law to legalize cannabis and I'm super proud of that,

Um also just cause it's legal dose not equal easy, you have to have cash, and it's not fucking cheap,

I've been experimenting with cannabis edibles and have been finding how amazingly helpful it is for me,

I have a shit load 'wrong' with me that's undiagnosed will remain so, and even if I was diagnosed and looking into meds they likely wouldn't work for me, I have something wrong with me that taking any kind of medication more then a couple days even as prescribed down to the exact hour, fucks me up,

I get start getting really bad side effects like day three, I was on fucking aspirin for a bit while super sick a few years ago I got tendinitis so bad I wanted to die for like two days,

I've even avoided being on shit what's the anti pregnancy pill called, um fuck, I've avoided it cause im not having sex and my periods are real good, I worry what I'll do if I ever get into a romantic relationship with a dude, probably will only be able to be with someone whose clipped,

I was on sleeping pills for a bit, one of the side effects was suicidal thoughts, guess who got that and all the fucking other ones, including dry mouth so bad I thought I'd die,

For some reason cannabis doesn't fuck me up at all, it helps it really fucking helps me even if I'm on it a lot,

It's the only thing that has ever fucking made my mind a not just okay place to be, but a great one,

And money is right so I can't have like constant access to it, I may at some point be able to get it at all,

And this dickhead thinks I should get a hammer to the head!?!

I try to let internet stuff slide off me but fuck if reading that didn't just royally upset me,

Just, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you pig fucking, dildo humping, cum sucking bag of broken sticks shit on by cats with the runs, mother fucker,

hope you step on cat shit every day of your life and that your hated by corvids everywhere,

Okay I feel better and yes I did block them they had another post that seemed a bit suspect especially after reading that post and no I didn't say shit to them what's the point

Edit looked at it again, it was ceiling fan fall on your head not hammer

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trixree · 10 months

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Hey i just visited your blog after binge reading several of your star wars fics and saw you've got POTS + assorted chronic medical fuckery. My spouse has the unholy trinity of POTS/EDS/MCAS (featuring guest artist Migraines) and boy do i feel for you if your combo is even a little bit similar. Crossing my fingers for you that the neurologist is a good fit! They tend to have their shit together when it comes to dysautonomia (and hopefully know a lot of the good med combos). I'll also put in a recommendation for electrolyte drinks -- i think it's not uncommon for ppl with POTS to have electrolyte/salt deficiencies, and i know it's been helpful for my spouse to chug 20-30 oz of propel or re-lyte water every day. Compression garments (esp. tights) have also been helpful for POTS, but not always great for digestion if they go over the stomach. Medical grade compression starts at 20-30 mmHg.

For appetite stuff, since I'm not sure what the underlying cause is for you idk if this will be helpful/applicable, but when it's hard to convince your body to eat I'm generally in favor of just going for anything that sounds appetizing to you even if it means eating ice cream 3x a day :P if it's a nausea thing, though, spouse may have some better recommendations, and I'd be happy to ask or send you their way. Best wishes and take care!

Per my last post, I'm catching up on old Asks, AO3 comments, and messages received during my hiatus! (Psst, go do my Fanfic Poll) This is so so so sweet of you, thank you SO MUCH! I rambled on quite a lot below the cut about my health journey the past year re: POTS and GI stuff, in case folks are interested in how I've managed. Disclaimer that I am NOT a medical professional and this is absolutely not medical advice, these are just my experiences and things that have worked well for me.

First off, what a DELICIOUSLY FAMILIAR COMBO of things! I was told at my last immunology appointment that I "almost certainly" (his words, not mine) have EDS (my mom has it, too, and my hips are constantly popping out of place) but 1.) I can't afford to go get diagnosed (see: unemployment, medical trauma) and 2.) one of my friends has been stalled for MONTHS trying to get a clinical geneticist to confirm her EDS diagnosis because, apparently, there is a great deal of resistance to testing folks for EDS right now given the increased visbility of EDS patients on TikTok. My partner is in med school and we've had really long conversations about the so-called "TikTok Triad" (POTS, EDS, and gastroparesis - which are all conditions that are acutally linked together with the clinical data we have) and how it's impacting both how physicians practice and the care that patients receive. This reddit thread is a good example of how this plays out, if you feel like braving reddit on this fine afternoon.

My neurologist is amazing and has done a lot to help me with my migraines... unfortunately the GI stuff is still kicking my ass. All of your recommendations are things that I've started doing over the last year to manage symptoms: my compression socks are my BESTEST FRIENDS and Drip Drop is my favorite electrolyte powder - they've got the best flavors imo and isn't as PAINFULLY SWEET as Liquid IV. I've also adopted a really high-salt diet. As far as appetite goes, my management strategy has been to smoke a lot of weed (I live somewhere where recreational use is thankfully legal, so it isn't difficult or unsafe to get ahold of it) but that's unfortunately expensive and can actually make persistent nausea and appetite loss WORSE over time (see canabis hyperemesis) so I've recently gone cold-turkey off of pot to see if I can manage the daily nausea and appetite loss with pharmaceuticals alone (namely phenergan). I'm seeing my GI in the next week and I'm going to lobby my ass off for a prescription appetite stimulant. I've lost a lot of weight in the last year (and I was already pretty small to begin with, so the weight loss has made my chronic pain a lot worse unfortunately) and I am a firm believer in following one's cravings in order to eat. I order a lot of take out and cycle through the same "safe" foods (usually some kind of cereal with soy milk, an Ensure protein shake if solids are an absolute no-go, and simple rice, potateos, and chicken works). The other night, my partner tried to entice me to eat an oreo ice cream sandwich during a bout of brutal nausea and I cried because I fucking love oreo ice cream but my body HATES having things inside of it <3 I've also found that excercise can SOMETIMES (not all of the time) help my appetite. I have a stationary bike and a basic set of weights at home. Stationary bike in particular is something I'd HUGELY recommend for anybody with POTS that deals with excercise intollerance. Sitting down to get my cardio is WAY BETTER than anything else I've tried in terms of how badly my symptoms get triggered. I'm also currently medicated for my POTS (I take ivabradine and it's made a big difference for my quality of life on the whole, especially with regards to the fatigue that having a constantly elevated heartrate will generate.)

I do appear to have some sort of motility problem (most likely IBS-C) and I'm taking medication for it that has HELPED, but not nearly enough. I poop more than once every twelve days now, which is awesome, but I'm still constantly nauseous more often than not (Zofran, Dramamine, and Phenergen are my bestest friends) and my appetite is nowhere to be found. Hopefully I can get my hands on some appetite stimulant. As for the nausea, I've been informed by my electro cardiologist that many, many POTS patients report diminished appetites and chronic, debilitating nausea, but that "the mechanism relating the two is unexplored and largely unknown." So basically he said, "that sounds ROUGH buddy. Good luck though!"

(Hence me sharing my strategies cause I know, colloquially, that lots of us are dealing with this.)

#trixree speaks #health stuff #POTS #EDS #chronic health conditions #disability tag #asked & answered

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organchordsandlightning · 2 years

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trivia tidbits from the Reanimator novelization

‘so I’m not usually one for movie novelizations, but I heard pretty decent things about Jeff Rovin’s Re-Animator: The Novelization! and I wanted to find more Re-Animator content that doesn’t involve me actually having to watch Beyond Re-Animator.

and it was pretty good! some of the expansions of lore in the novel were fun, especially with the side characters. it also included a few bits of trivia that made me laugh and/or feel, and thought it’d be cool to include them all in a little post! obviously these aren’t Canon Canon, but some of them are fun to play around with.

- Herbert West was raised in Canada - at least until a chemical fire (implied to be caused by him) burned down his home and killed his parents, upon which he was placed in a foster home. At some unspecified point, he made a serum that turned his foster home roommate’s semen green.

- He went to NYU before going over to work with Dr. Gruber in Switzerland.

- Speaking of Dr. Gruber, Herbert explicitly refers to him as being like a father to him. Dr. Gruber returns the sentiment. He willingly kills himself so that Herbert can test the formula on him, but the dosage is too high.

- Some fun hospital lore: it was created as an endowment by a chemical company as apologies/ass-covering for poisoning the river, it gets the overflow from a Springfield hospital, and they’re understaffed themselves.

- Dr. Hill has a Jaguar car.

- Dan doesn’t drink milk because the first time he touched a corpse, the skin texture reminded him of a milk carton.

- Dan’s former roommate, Eddie Grimley, had a wealthy father and Eddie spent lots of money on both of them. Eddie dropped out of med school to become a dancer.

- Herbert is straight up like ‘you have a basement? cool. I’m turning it into a lab’

- Before Dan moved in, the owner died in the basement. His name was Phillips, a horror writer, and his family let Dan sign a four month lease so long as he didn’t get rid of Phillips’ junk.

- Dan and Meg have been exclusively dating for six months.

- West is 24. With 4 years in New York and 3 years in Zurich, that makes West 17 when he enrolled in NYU.

- Very odd interlude where Dan admires Dr. Hill’s hands (during the famous pencil-breaking scene). He concludes that Dr. Hill must be a doting lover with those hands.

- A test subject (a student) died in Dr. Hill’s study while he worked with Dr. Gruber. He was cleared of any wrongdoing, but had to leave because professors were not allowed to date students.

- Herbert left money for whatever he uses - a buck in the toilet paper and two bucks in the Meow Mix.

- Both of Cain’s parents died in a car crash when he was little, leaving him to be raised by an aunt.

- Dan used to have a bat problem in the house. He poisoned some in the attic and nailed their bodies outside the house.

- Meg is 20.

- It’s heavily implied that Meg’s Dad would actually be thrilled if she and Dr. Hill started dating, and that he brings professors around as ‘suitors’ of sort for her.

- After the talk where Herbert gets kicked out and Dan gets his loans rescinded, all he wants to do is go home and smoke weed.

- They’re both questioned after the first reanimation (where Halsey died). The officer asks if they’re lovers. Dan snickers and says he’s engaged to be married, Herbert’s gaze falls to the floor.

- West used to balance encyclopedias on his head as a child to make up for the neck strain from looking through a microscope.

- There’s a funny line where Herbert remarks that Dan would make a good husband. It’s clearly meant to be ‘a good husband in general’, but, y’know.

- Apparently, there hasn’t been a murder in Arkham in six years.

- When West and Cain go to the hospital to stop Dr. Hill, they’re stopped by the same officer who questioned them again. Cain says he thinks he has AIDS and that he’s going to be tested.

- THEY CHANGED THE ‘GET A JOB IN A SIDESHOW’ LINE. LIKE IT BASICALLY SAYS THE SAME THING BUT IT’S VERY CLUNKY

- When Herbert is about to be lobotomized, he begs Hill to not to. ‘Leave me my brain!’

- He claims that his stated goal with Gruber was to end suffering.

- Herbert does explicitly die at the end [they find his body]. Dan and Meg (or Meg’s body, it isn’t made clear) escape, nowhere to be found.

Overall the book takes a very middle-of-the-ground road with Herbert’s characterization. They show him having a lot of heart with Gruber, thinking that he’s a father figure, but tend to phrase any bonding moments with Dan as pure manipulation.

#to my podcast mutuals: i'm so sorry we're gonna have to ride this small hyperfix out for the next 5-7 business days #I wouldn't even recommend it as a film series. it's not Good. and yet it compels me #herbert west #reanimator #herbert west reanimator

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icedmetaltea · 10 months

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HelO am back. So yesterday we waited 2 HOURS IN WAITING ROOM and then I got shuffled into the containment™ room, spent about 5 hrs there sitting on a bed and talking with like 5-6 ppl. Despite it being a scary environment (it was a bland room with grey walls ((the grey walls were the best part, they were the perfect shade of grey and I loved it)), there were beds with a pillow and nothing else, there were other ppl walking around, one guy screaming and hurling profanities at staff occasionally, overall rlly loud cause ppl kept walking in and out) the staff/counselor were super nice. Nobody made me feel like I was being dramatic or anything.

They got me hooked up with new meds that same day and should contact me about a counselor within the next few days (which I've been stressing abt nonstop but apparently they accept medicaid so I won't have to worry abt surprise fees), gave me food to bring home, gave me a sheet with 100 coping mechanisms as well.

Ultimately they said I should be fine to go home that same day since the type of self-harming I was doing wasn't with the intention of killing myself but dealing with guilt and rlly fucky emotions due to the friend breakup/hopelessness abt future/mega anxiety, plus I'd always care for the wounds afterwards so that signaled it was more a subconscious cry for help that I'd been ignoring for too long, BUT that I should maybe spend the next night or two with family and possibly long-term if the stuff with my sibling worsens or if my mental state in general declines again, so I spent the night with my older sis who drove me there (we cuddled and watch the Mitchells vs. The Machines lol... it's been so, so long since I've been able to do that with anyone. Didn't realize how touch-starved I was)

Everybody was really reassuring that I'd done the right thing and that I wasn't at all overreacting and hhhhHHHH I guess I rlly needed to hear that. After the whole friend breakup thing I've been feeling like the cruelest, most manipulative, horrible person in the world after having that sentiment floating around in the back of my mind for months due to many things and it turns out it's a mix of shock from such big changes in my life (breakup with close friend, possibly moving, possibly transferring college, hell even climate change and constant political strife) and clinical depression™ (like I knew I had anxiety but turns out I was wayy more depressed in general than i thought... like washing dishes isn't supposed to be something I have to syke myself up for for for days)

So yea I started the day entirely hopeless and ready to jump off a bridge and while I still have a lot of shit I'll have to work through in therapy, I'm so, so much better now now than I was.

I also got 1 hr of sleep last night since I was so exhausted from it all (funny how that works) and the fact that it was loudly storming all night, so ima slep now g'night

#irl stuff #vent #kinda #mental health #tw anxiety #tw depression #tw suicide #tw self-harm

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vergess · 2 years

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An adult human in my vicinity went for ADHD dx. She had a call that had a lot of standard ND screening questions and got a prescription for both Wellbutrin and Zoloft, and told that she needed acomputer test for a proper diagnosis and actual ADHD meds, plus blood work. Is that normal? Do you know anything about antidepressants and ADHD?

I mean, it's definitely normal, yes. Whether it's good is much more debateable.

But it's extremely normal, because we live in a fuckign hellscape and the government in this country likes to arbitrarily gatekeep life saving medications like pain relief and stimulants to prove they're "tough on drugs" even though it literally makes the problems of addiction, street drugs, and overdose related death much much much MUCH WORSE.

/ahem

Anyway, it's very normal for a medical practice to either say outright "we don't treat ADHD here at all sorry" or to put access to stimulants behind a bunch of weird obtrusive hoops. For example, I have to go to my doctor every three months for a physical, a mental health screening, and to sign a stupid fucking contract that says I'm Contributing To Society In The Legally Mandated Ways before I am allowed to get the medicine that literally allows me to feed myself or clean my own body.

The computer screening in particular sounds Very Legit to me, because a lot of the time they're going to end up using the same diagnostic exam you can fucking take online, but monitoring you while you do. Advise your friend to always describe their most extreme ADHD symptoms when taking the screener. If they've ever "forgotten an important work task" she needs to put that she constantly forgets them, like the maximum fucking amount. Stuff like that.

Okay the actual question now.

Wellbutrin+Zoloft is a common enough treatment for ADHD when your doctor is averse to stimulants for whatever reason. In a normal society, this would be "because you have a history of heart problems or have tried stimulants and found them unhelpful," but we don't live in that world. It's what's called a second-line treatment, which basically means it's supposed to be tried second, after first-line (stimulants) have failed.

ADHD is generally believed at this point to be a fault in the way neurotransmitters bind to neurons in the brain. They take 'too long' to bind, and end up getting cleaned up instead of transmitting their message. Since the cleanup system is being constantly triggered, you also make less of these neurotransmitters since there's an apparent oversupply. (This is a WILD oversimplification)

Stimulants cause you to make more neurotransmitters, bringing production up high enough that the transmitters have a chance to bind before the overzealous cleanup systems eat them.

Wellbutrin slows down the cleanup process of one neurotransmitter (noradrenaline, I believe). Zoloft slows down the cleanup of a different one (serotonin). So, they're often prescribed in concert.

But, they literally cannot help you produce more neurotransmitters so they fundamentally have limited overall utility in ADHD. Not no utility. Plenty of people who cannot take stimulants find this combination adequate to live with.

But in almost all cases stimulants will work fucking better.

The fact that our goddamn War On Drugs bullshit has made it this difficult to get them is disgusting and is also specifically the fault of Joseph Robinet Biden, who takes great personal PRIDE in having created this medically destructive hellscape during his pre-presidential career and now seems to take great joy in doing nothing to clean up his own goddamn mess.

Okay so!

Yes, SSRIs, NDRIs, and other reuptake inhibitors (cleanup slowdowners) are definitely An Option for ADHD, but they're SUPPOSED TO BE A SECONDARY OPTION FOR A FUCKING REASON AUGH

ETA: You can also be prescribed secondline treatments in addition to firstline ones, if you for example need stronger management of symptoms, etc etc there's a lot of nuance this is a rage fuelled over simplification.

#Medical ableism #medical gatekeeping #war on drugs #Fucking god fucking damn it #My doctor is relocating to a larger town btw #And the nurse replacing him is 'willing' to fill my prescriptions for the 3 months on my latest checkup #BUT THEN WHO KNOWS ITS A REAL MYSTERY #FUCK YOU JOE FUCK YOU ENTIRELY DROP DEAD YOU FUCKING FILTH MONGER

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princepipper · 2 months

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in one of your replies about abby and Gabe you said that his parents failed to help him when he was mentally ill and i'm confused because i thought his dad was really strict in canon? like telling him to take his meds and having curfew, and that he went to the hospital too, isn't that helping?

Ah! I double checked my replies and I think I found what you're talking about, the section in this ask that reads, "...Gabriel would be the first one to not only notice, but do what his parents failed to, and help her right away."

So yeah to clarify, in both my verse and canon, it isn't that Gabe's parents didn't help him at all. We see on One's blog that Gabe has a strained relationship with his dad, mainly caused by the stress of having to raise and care for a teenager so unstable. But despite the harsh words, his dad does bring up the matter of taking medications on time, worrying about Gabriel's whereabouts, asking if he needs to talk to his doctor again... I wouldn't say that his dad is always nice or understanding to Gabe, but he absolutely is trying to help his son, even if it's not the perfect method.

I'm about to ramble, forgive me for how long this is, it's going somewhere I promise!!

I have my thoughts on Daniel Kell, canon-wise I mean. In One's verse, we know that his dad commits suicide when One is a kid, sparking the drastic difference in the life paths that he and Gabe follow. Daniel is described as a busy working man, and the stress of his job paired with his own mental health is what killed him in that verse. But for Gabe, his dad does not die, and we get some context as to what he's like as a parent here and there. Gabe says his father works as a businessman of sorts, and doesn't know anything else- that tells me right away that they are not close, as most children at that age would know the deeper details of their parents' lives and vice versa.

In another scene, Gabe's cellphone rings from incoming texts: his dad starts with all caps, demanding to know where Gabe is and that he needs to come home. But it is immediately followed up by regular texts calmly apologizing for yelling and asking Gabe to call him. Gabe doesn't do that and instead expresses exasperation at the idea. This is further insight to the dynamic of their relationship: Daniel, while harsh, understands that yelling at his son will likely cause more issues, and tries to remain calm (somewhat). Gabe doesn't like to talk to his father and prefers to stay away from situations dealing with him. It's a very strained relationship, there's no trust between them, and it's clearly stressful. And then of course, when Gabe does come home we have the interaction where his dad refuses to listen to him, scolding him for being out past curfew and even mocking him slightly for implying he has real friends instead of hallucinations.

Lastly, after Gabe gets beat up, he says that he lies to his father about the bruises on his face and claims he fell. His dad apparently laughed at him for that, and Gabe brushes that off and states that "It's ok, I laughed too!"- again, worrying behaviour, his dad shouldn't find his son's injuries to be amusing, even if it was due to clumsiness. And Gabe laughing with him is downplaying his own feelings, trying to fit in a mould of sorts for the sake of his father.

Overall, in canon, Gabriel Kell isn't exactly abused by his father, but definitely lives in a less-than-satisfactory environment. The lack of trust is one thing, but I think it's safe to say that Gabe is scared of his dad in a way, though not explicitly stated. Gabe likes to act tough and rebellious, but that's about all it is- an act. From watching his language, and the fact that he's been sheltered (which is not entirely due to his dad, but also his social skills...), Gabriel Kell is really not in much better a household dynamic than One is with his alcoholic mother. I think in general, both of the parents are neglectful in certain ways, and to get to the core of my point here...

...Owl once clarified that when One and Gabe started to show signs of being unwell as kids, their parents ignored them, until it became a larger, disruptive issue.

*wheezes* OKAY, now, my verse is a little different again, based on these ideas but not exactly mirroring them.

In my AU Daniel Kell is still a strict parent who had a lot of trouble raising Gabe, having to care for him alone after he divorced Ivy. The father-son relationship is rough, but the change really comes as Gabe gets older, maturing a bit, and him and his dad are able to better understand each other and get along. Part of this is actually because of Pipper- she's a big impact on Gabe after all, and her friendship with him is always surprising to his dad, teaching him that his son is not a total mess after all. Not only that but Pipper's kindness and patience with Gabe through all the hardships in their time together helped Gabe grow up to be more confident, happy with himself and more sociable in general. He's not a totally different person than in canon, but those changes are pretty significant, y'know?

And so anon, finally I will wrap it up by saying that all of these little factors are what make my version of Gabriel a good dad towards Abby. Because he knows what it's like to feel lost in your own head, to feel alone, to not have parents who you can talk to or who will listen. He doesn't want that for Abby, and even if she never experiences any mental problems, he vows from the get-go that he will be there if she does. He will not repeat the cycle of ignorance, and he will always be there for Abby, because he knows she needs him!!!

#LONG POST #sorry I know that is so much info #i just hate to leave things vague and i wanna delve into my thoughts on the deeper bonds of these characters!#ask #ths #gabe #abby #scarygabe #gonna tag this with canon stuff since it does talk about it a lot

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