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lazyalani · 9 months

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| Ciel Phantomhive × [F!Reader]

| Well, it burned

| written from lizzy's point of view, well kind of, still from third person but focuses on lizzy, no twins au, angst, so much angst with happy ending, swearing, it gets worse before it gets better, ciel and reader end up together, lizzy watched their love die, she watches as ciel falls inlove with reader, tried to keep it as short as possible cuz making it long would make it a full blown lizzy fic, not accurate but this is the best i can do without ruining my own writing style and ideas >_< sorry for the long wait, this fucking broke me as a hard cielizzy shipper

A request from: @imhereiguess420

| Summary: In which Lady Elizabeth gets too close to the fire. And what happens when you get too close? You get burned.

| Kuroshitsuji Masterlist

| Main Masterlist

sometimes, i wake up by the door

It was supposed to be just a mission. She were supposed to be just a mission.

Perhaps she was too naive.

Or perhaps she was too ignorant.

Or maybe both. Lizzy thinks, no, she knows.

After the events of Campania she was sure Ciel and her had become closer. They were. Until she came along.

Stupid. Stupid. This is all your fault. She tells herself. You were the one who insisted to take care of her, you were the one who agreed to let Ciel help. She scolds herself again and again. So why are you complaining now?

She can feel her tears rimming on her eyes. She can feel her mind going in a haze. She can feel her emotions rampaging, uncontrollable. She can feel her brother's pity filled stare.

When the Queen had gathered the knights of the kingdom to protect a noble lady being targeted by a country they were in tension with, Elizabeth had volunteered herself to directly take care of them as she were near her age, and let the others take care of dealing with other forces of the mission. She figured she would also be more comfortable with someone her age.

She was a kind person. But as she lays out her suggestions towards the plan for the mission, she can't help but think about someone else. She reminded her of someone. Ciel. She smiled, oh, she just had a great idea.

Who would've thought it would take things for the worst?

She remembered how she barged in to the Phantomhive Estate to ask Ciel for help.

"I'm sure you'd get along with them! She's really really smart like you, and you both speak in riddles sometimes!"

He sighs, "Do I need to?"

"No, but pleaseeee? It would really make me happy to make her comfortable and safe!" She pouts and gives him the best puppy eyes she could muster.

The Earl shakes his head with slight red cheeks and sighs again. "Alright, I'll see what I can do." He looks away, but she could still see his red cheeks. And she smiles, feeling a lot more giddy.

Who knew those were one of their last moments?

that heart you caught must be waiting for you

She crumples another paper and throws it away, picking up another and began writing again. What was she writing about again? Fuck, the ink got smudged by water. Oh, it wasn't water.

Her face scrunches with the pain she feels on her chest as she hold her forehead, trying to control her breathing. She can still feel her brother's hesitant and concerned stare from the opened door of her room.

She shifted in her seat a little. She didn't want her brother to see her like this.

So pathetic.

"[Name]! This is Ciel, my lovely fiance!" She, jolly as ever, gestures to the Earl who sighs again and lifts up his hand.

"Earl Ciel Phantomhive, it's uhh, nice to meet you..." He awkwardly says as he glances at her expecting expression.

She smiles and giggles. He might sigh a lot around her, but she knows he feels just the same as she did. She's happy to see him try to be nicer for her.

She nodded and took his hand to shake, introducing herself as well, "... the pleasure is mine."

Ciel and her gazes were both calculating, observing each other, almost wary. But Lizzy didn't mind, it was their first meeting afterall, she was sure they would get along just fine. They were alike, afterall.

Oh my, fair lady, too alike.

She wanted to shout when another paper gets smudged by her tears, crumpling it and throwing it away again.

"My lady...." She hears Paula's worried voice from beside her brother.

She ignores it and picks up another paper, her grip on the pen almost breaking it from the force.

God, she was close to breaking. But she couldn't let her brother and Paula see more of her disgraceful side. She writes and writes. She didn't even know what she was writing anymore. Those words, those phrases, every sentence had different words all over. But they all have the same meaning.

Please don't do this.

Please don't leave me. She silently begs.

even now when we're already over,

Oh, fair lady, how low had you fallen?

I don't know, I don't care! She wanted to scream. Getoutgetoutgetoutofmyhead...

Ciel. Ciel. Ciel, please.

All those wandering gazes, stolen glances, secret conversations. Reading someone from their eyes was something she was also good at. But reading her fiance's was a different story. And so was hers.

Or is my fair lady just ignorant?

i can't help myself from lookin for you

Shutupshutupshutup! She screams into her head, her nails digging in to her desk.

"My lady! You'll hurt yourself, please!"

"Ciel! Do you want to go to the new park with me? Father said it was really pretty!" She holds his hands with a happy mood.

"Ah, uhhh," he glances at her with a subtle hesitant look, "we can't leave her alone, Elizabeth. Maybe another time?" He offers instead.

Lizzy can see through that unbothered facade in his glance.

But she ignored it.

i set fire to the rain

"Brother said he could look after them this time! Can we go to the park, pleaaaase?" She pleads at him with her usual puppy gaze that would always make him red.

He sighs and nods, seemingly giving up. "Alright, then."

He wasn't flustered like he always was. She ignores all the voices in her head and smiles, taking his hand in hers and lifting them together.

"Yay! Ciel is really the best!" No reaction again.

watched it pour as i touched your face

"Sebastian, have Snake stay here." He turns to her. "Let's go, Elizabeth." He offers his hand for her to take.

She ignores how her name is back to Elizabeth.

She smiles again and takes his hand. "I'm excited!" But the bad feeling in her stomach says otherwise.

And she ignores the alarms in her head when he looks back at her before entering the carriage.

well, it burned while i cry

How could have she missed those? She ruffles her hair agressively, messing her pigtails slightly.

"Lizzy...." She hears her brother.

Oh, fair lady, you didn't miss them...

Shutup! She screams in her head again.

... you chose to ignore them.

Get the fuck out of my head!

Why?

Getoutgetoutgetout!

Why is that?

You're not real!

Why the ignorance, my fair lady?

Stop putting things to my head! She writes more aggressively, the paper is starting to tear.

"My lady, the paper is already..."

"Lizzy, that's enough..."

Are you trying to turn that paper into you?

Shut the fuck up. She ignores everyone and continues writing.

To my Ciel,

Torn?

'cause i heard it screaming out your name

Everyone but that voice.

Ofcourse you do, fair lady, afterall....

Her Ciel is really a danger magnet. A moment, they were just walking, and then another, they're suddenly solving a case.

"Murdered for revenge, then." He concludes. "Let's wrap this up---" He was cut off by her.

"It's not over yet, Earl." She said, staring at the corpse with an observant look.

"Are you saying I'm wrong?" Ciel didn't look offended nor insulted, infact, he looked.... interested and amused.

She ignored it. She worried that he might get offended with whatever she would say.

Oh, fucking stupid could she be?

She smiled to the eye, "Oh, not at all, my lord, by not over yet, I meant," when she opened her eyes, there was something to it. There was something that changed with her smile, her eyes. "there's someone else behind the scenes."

She shivered.

She felt chills on her spine. This was the kind of face her Ciel made when he perfectly solves a puzzle or wins their games.

Ciel raised a brow. "Oh, a third party?"

The look on his face made her want to vomit.

Ciel, why are you looking at them like that? Stop making that face, stop looking at them like that. Stop looking like that if it isn't for me. Stop looking at them. Stop... Just stopstopstopstop

But she ignored it.

i set fire to the rain

"Elizabeth, let's go."

"Elizabeth, what are you doing here?"

"Are you alright, Elizabeth?"

"Ah, this is Elizabeth, my... betrothed."

"Elizabeth, where is she?"

"Elizabeth...."

NO STOP CALLING ME THAT! IT'S LIZZY! LIZZY! WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME LIKE THAT AGAIN?!

When did it start going back to how it used to be? When did it start to fade? When did it start to fall? When did he stop loving her? When did he stat loving her?

Oh god, save my sanity..... She begged anyone above.

...I'm the only reality you have left.

and i threw us into the flames

She had tried everything. She had tried to convince him not to break their engagement, disguising it as for the sake of their family's convenience. For the sake of their reputations. For the sake of his parents. For the sake of their titles. For the sake of her sanity.

He hadn't lied to her. But he hadn't told her everything either.

He had told her he doesn't reciprocate her feelings anymore. He had told her that his desire for his goal was stronger.

He had told her every shared feelings they had were back when they were kids.

Now that, was a fucking lie. She almost smiled bitterly, she did in her head.

She had seen his tolerance of her become fondess. She had seen his frowns turn to genuine smiles. She had seen his lifeless actions turn to sincere efforts.

But then again, it had all changed when she came, didn't it?

when it fell,

Elizabeth wanted to curse her. To swear her name to every possible creature there is. She wanted to scream at her. To shout. To yell. To accuse. To beg her.

To beg them not to take away her Ciel again.

But she can't do that to her friend, can she?

She doesn't want to lose him again.

Not again, please. Not again. I just got him back. She cries.

She feels her brother begin rubbing her back. "Lizzy...."

She had done everything.

Yet why had he still sent a letter breaking off everything they had?

"Elizabeth, this is for the best."

You're cruel, Ciel.

"Lizzy, I'm sorry."

You're so fucking cruel.

something died

Something inside her snapped as she screamed and stood up, throwing everything off her desk, crying.

"Elizabeth!" Her brother exclaimed, trying to stop her.

"Milady!"

"No! Stop calling me that! Stop calling me that!" She screams again, struggling in her brother's grip.

"Lizzy! Lizzy, alright, alright, I'm sorry... I'm sorry." Her brother's voice cracked. It hurt him to see his beloved sister like this.

She cried and cried, now sitting on the floor, a hand on her forehead. Her pigtails were ruined, her face was red.

"Why? Why?!"

Edward stayed silent, sitting beside her and pulling her into his embrace and letting her vent.

"Why, brother? I had done everything. I would do anything and everything. All he needs to do is to ask. I had done everything to make him— us happy. And I would do everything all over again to make us happy. BUT WHY?!"

Edward burried her head on his shoulder, letting her cry against it. Tears were rimming his eyes, how had his sweet, jolly sister come to this? He wished he had an answer for her, but even he did not know.

He had witnessed everything his sister planned just to make her fiance smile again. He had witnessed everything she had done just to make him reciprocate her actions, her feelings.

He had witnessed how broken she was when the Phantomhive Manor burned down. He had witnessed her go back to her jolly self when Ciel had come back. He had witnessed her force herself to be optimistic despite Ciel's subtle rejections. He had witnessed her telling herself not to give up. He had witnessed her cry everynight. He had witnessed her cry herself to sleep when she's tired. And he had witnessed her come back again when she finished resting.

And no one knows how heartbroken he was when he realized his sister's rest was crying.

Everything she worked so hard for, the things she poured her whole heart and soul for, vanished in just a blink of an eye.

And now it's back to square one again. Except,

The other steps are now ashes.

'cause i knew that that was the last time

The voice in her head had faded.

Was it because she's broken her delusions now?

But the price to pay was her broken self.

"Brother, I don't know what to anymore..." She cried and cried again. But what could she do? Everything is gone now.

Everything fell into ashes.

"Please..... help me..."

He didn't want to see her burn with the remains of his cousin's old self.

Please, save my sister...

So he begs with her.

the last time

And now, she stands with everyone as they witness the becoming of the new Countess of the Phantomhive Household.

Now, she stands with so many people as she witnesses the union of the people that broke her before.

But now, she stands with her healing self, witnessing the wedding of the two people she hold dear in heart.

Now, she looks at them without breaking.

oh, oh, no

She smiles as she remembers how she reacted when she received an invitation to their wedding in France.

After the events in her room years ago, her brother took her to France as an attempt to calm her nerves.

It was hard, so hard, to not think about everything that had happened. Whenever she sees herself, or anything that remind her of herself, she remembers everything. But he had grown to love France, and had decided to stay there. It wasn't easy, but it was easier than being in London.

For several years, she had studied and had let herself heal there. She trained and trained, venting out her sadness, anger, her frustration inti the force of her sword. She let herself become someone new.

Sometimes, she thought about what she would do if she ever comes face to face with them again. Would she scream? Would she cry? Would she curse? Would she just smile?

So when she received an invitation, she didn't know what to feel.

And so it brought her comfort when she came to a realization that she didn't feel anything.

It wasn't what she really wanted. She wanted to heal and be able to feel happy for them. But it was something.

It was better than nothing.

And so she stares at them with nothing a but smile. She stares at them with a smile that has nothing.

She felt a little guilty that she couldn't feel happy for them. But she felt happy for herself.

She felt happy that she doesn't hold any bad feelings against them anymore.

She couldn't be happy for them, but she isn't mad either. And it was enough for her. Baby steps, she thinks, and smiled again.

She feels nothing as she was introduced as her maid of honor. She feels nothing even when she tells her Elizabeth was her one true friend, as she didn't have a life of an extrovert. She feels nothing when Ciel greets her. She feels nothing when both of them come to hug her. She feels nothing as she walks through to church. She feels nothing as she greets everyone with a smile that held nothing but happiness for herself.

She feels nothing as she gives her speech as the maid of honor.

And she feels happy as she only thinks of herself now. She feels happy as she lets herself feel nothing to heal. She feels happy as she only cares for herself now.

She feels happy because she gets to do what she couldn't do for herself before.

She placed ointments and medicines to her burns herself, and she wasn't going to let herself go through that painful fire anymore.

And now, she stands before everyone as Lady Knight Cordelia.

So let her feelings burn along with her old self.

let it burn

#black butler x reader #black butler #kuroshitsuji x reader #kuroshitsuji #ciel phantomhive x reader #cielizzy #elizabeth midford #ciel phantomhive #kuroshitsuji x you #kuroshitsuji angst #ciel angst #kuroshitsuji imagines #request: imhereiguess420 #lazyalani

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