#codependents anonymous

[guiltyidealist]

BPD & codependent Samarie edits! Feel free to use with credit (just a namedrop is fine)

Both flags are BPD awareness flags. I PNG'ed the Samarie overworld sprites myself but snagged the other three from her page on the wiki. The codependent emblems are a symbol of CoDependents Anonymous, extracted from their website (coda.org) and edited

#fear and hunger #f&h #f&h termina #f&h2 #samarie #funger #funger termina #fear and hunger 2 #fear and hunger termina #samarie fear and hunger #samarina #f2u with credit #guiltyedits #codependency #codependent #recovering codependent #codependents anonymous #cluster b #bpd #headcanon #nd headcanons

[atthecrossroadsoflifeanddeath]

I'm going through the CoDA workbook slowly, one question at a time. Hence, I'm still on step 1, because I journal about one question and then have to let it process for a while. I did question 2 of step 1 today, which asks, "What is the difference between being powerless and being empowered?"

I had just gotten off the phone with a fellow CoDA member. She and I were coincidentally talking about this subject, about what we're powerless over and what the difference is between that and empowerment could be.

"I flip flop on step 1," She said, "I can understand it when it comes to being powerless over others, but when it comes to the lines about being powerless over my obsessions and compulsions, I get scared. It makes me think, what's the point of recovery work if I'm so powerless?"

I could see what she meant, and I definitely related.

After all, what is codependency if not a desire for/obsession over/compulsion of control? The thought of not having control IS scary. And if we're not careful, our fear of powerlessness can cause us to become even more entrenched in unhealthy patterns and (ultimately self-destructive) defense mechanisms.

As I journaled on this, I wrote, what I'm powerless over IS the fear, the anxiety, and I'm powerless over the defense mechanisms I have the urge to fall into when I have those feelings. Because really, emotions are just messengers, right? They're ourselves sending a message to ourselves, and our history (especially childhood history) creates the defense mechanisms our brain is ready to deploy at the sight of the messengers. "There's the messenger! Kill the messenger!" the trauma brain cries. I can't control that my brain does that. I'm powerless over the fact that I feel feelings and have trauma responses.

But. But.

Maybe empowerment is like being a witness to my thoughts in meditation: I do what I must to become a loving but objective, non-judgmental observer of my own humanity, with all its limitations. Maybe I achieve this with prayer to my gods, with yoga and exercise, with meditation, art, CoDA fellowship - but somehow, I must find a way to connect with my higher power and sit beside them as a witness to my powerlessness. In this way, empowerment paradoxically occurs. I realize I don't need to control the uncontrollable. I don't need to fix my feelings, or condemn my trauma responses - or fix other's feelings or condemn their trauma responses.

When I'm empowered (spiritually connected thanks to self care practices), I don't need to desperately find a new way to be better at controlling myself and others and the universe. Empowerment is feeling all of what makes me and others human - emotions and trauma and all - and breathing into it. No resistance. Just acceptance.

And in the acceptance, my gut relaxes. The tension drains from my face. I become aware of the beauty surrounding me. And, a lot of the time? By doing nothing and turning my focus inward to a space of trust and peace inside myself (or at my altar), the situation resolves itself. It always ends up working out, sometimes without me lifting a single finger.

I feel like Frigg is right beside me as I learn all this. She loves me learning to find the magic in the mundane, and learning to accept what I can't control. She helps me with my issues with controlling the uncontrollable, and Odin helps me with my anxiety about the unknown. Loki helps me be playful and the best mother I can be, and Hel helps me feel motivated to live in a way that honors my death. I am not spiritually alone on my road to having fully healthy and loving relationships, with others and myself.

#heathens in recovery #norse pagan #norse witch #norse paganism #heathen #heathenry #norse gods #norse heathen #lokean #CoDA #codependents anonymous

[grahamstoney]

12 Signs You're Addicted To 12-Step Meetings

New Post has been published on https://grahamstoney.com/spirituality/12-signs-youre-addicted-12-step-meetings

12 Signs You're Addicted To 12-Step Meetings

A lot of my friends tell me that they’re struggling with addictions of various sorts. Some of them describe themselves as “sex addicts”, and a surprising number of those are female. Of course, I never meet them until they’re already “in recovery”, do I?

Play 12-Step Roulette. Pick a group, and go!

Everyone else I meet seems to be either alcoholic or codependent. They don’t have time to hang out with me because they’re always too busy “going to a meeting”.

So just to prove that I’m not bitter or anything, here are 12 signs that you’re addicted to 12-Step meetings:

You decided to stop attending 12-Step meetings for a week, but only lasted a couple of days

You wish people would mind their own business about the meetings you go to, and stop telling you what to do

You’ve switched from one 12-Step group to another in the hope that this would keep you sane

You find you have to attend an “eye-opener” meeting early each morning just to get kick-started for the day

You envy other people who can go to 12-Step meetings without getting into trouble

You’ve had problems connected with excessive 12-Step meetings during the past year

Attending too many 12-Step meetings has caused you trouble at home

You find yourself meeting other 12-Step group members at parties because you just don’t ever get enough

You tell yourself you can stop attending 12-Step meetings at any time, even though you keep going when you don’t mean to

You’ve missed days of work or school because of 12-Step meetings

You have “blackouts”: extended periods you can’t account for, during which other 12-Step group members tell you they saw you in meetings

You feel that your life would be better if you weren’t spending all your fucking time in 12-Step meetings

#12-step groups #alcoholics anonymous #codependents anonymous #sex & love addicts anonymous #Spirituality

[silverskye13]

For the first time throughout RnS, I have slightly shifted my opinion from "Tanguish needs to be protected at all costs" to "actually someone needs to talk some sense into this headless chicken of a self preserving punk" and I mean this with so much positivity. I live Tanguish as character a lot because he at a glance is harmless and kind, and while he is pretty sweet, he's also pretty self serving at his core. A survivalist who will use whatever tactics he can to make his life as comfortable as seems feasible. He's just a little guy whom I love, but also needs a bit of insight into other perspectives and I'm so excited for the next chapter.

He's just a little guy! He's just a little guy and he needs people! Needs-- like he needs-- like it's a problem he needs people.

But you're absolutely right! He is trying his best, that's evident. Everyone can sympathize with the idea of loneliness, and of not wanting other people to hurt themselves, and of needing companionship. The issue is when his need for companionship overrides both his ability to be comfortable alone, and everyone else's ability to live their own life. He's really good at figuring out how people work, why they do the stuff they do, and right now he's using it to feed his codependency problems.

But! He's learning.

#answering asks #anonymous #thank you anon #the plot point of 'how do i teach Tanguish codependency is bad and he cant just replace Tango with HK' #has fueled 90% of my rewriting last chapter #as well as how do i justify Helsknight not flying off the handle and punching his poor little face #the answer turned into: put them both in public and Let Them Fight [kaiju music plays] #and then Martyn appeared and i was like. hey wait. i can use you very well i think... #and now i think i know how the next chapters are going #its a hard balance ive been trying to strike keeping everyone in character while still driving the plot forward #we wobbled on the tightrope a bit but were fine now i think #[knocks on wood crossess all my fingers etc etc etc] #rns asks

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is:

“You’ll get a crush someday!”

Five years later, seventeen years old, no crush and forced into a toxic relationship because your mom is toxic

I'm sorry that that has happened to you. To you, and anyone else in these situations:

You know yourself. Even if your current aromanticism is a phase, that doesn't mean people should be invalidating your current feelings and intentions. You deserve to be listened to and respected.

As much as is possible, establish boundaries in your relationships. I will always advocate that a boundary is not "Do not do this", a healthy boundary looks more like "If you do this, I will respond like this." For example, in toxic relationships, there is often an expectation that you will drop everything for the other. It may be useful to say "If I tell you I cannot hang out right now and you insist I should regardless, I will silence notifications from you for an hour." If they disrespect your boundary, enforce your reaction. If they tell you this is extreme, unreasonable, anything of that nature - remind yourself: I am respecting my time. Even if I would like to be hanging out, I cannot, and being pressured to find excuses or being shamed for circumstances I cannot change in this moment is unreasonable and harming me.

Things will get better, and that is a promise. I know at 17 I wanted to reach through the screen and strangle anyone that told me that - but seriously. My life at 23 isn't perfect at all - but I am in control of it. You will get there.

#Anonymous #aro culture is #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod axel #mod phoenix #(bcs the meddler phoenix is [<2] he saw this and was like oh?? protect???) #advice #also totally get if this was intentionally generic due to Internet #but i do strongly advise trying to specify to yourself what about that relationship is toxic #is it enmeshment/codependency/etc? is it specific emotional abuse or financial abuse or physical/sexual? etc. #at least personally that has really helped me with avoiding gaslighting and feeling more confident in describing why i feel the way i do

[northern-passage]

i was scrolling back through a bunch of asks about lea and i stumbled upon one where you were asked "if the RO's had to chose between the city and hunter who would pick what" and out of everyone, Lea is like the only one without a doubt to save the hunter and IM SO ????? I LITERALLY LOVE THEM SM. ugh i want to draw/write a comic for that so badly now, im so deranged about the fact the lea would pick the hunter </3 im curious though, would that apply for the hunter even if their relationship is bad?? will lea always pick the hunter?

interesting question.... 🤔

i suppose it would depend on a few other things... like how bad their relationship is and also how bad the hunter's relationship is with other people. if they're just a straight up terror and making everyone around them miserable, then i think Lea would make the choice against them, in a "mercy kill" kind of way (and it would be very difficult for them). but if it's just their relationship that's bad... they would still pick the hunter.

they have that kind of blind, stupid loyalty.

#ive said before i think lea will surprise most people as the story progresses #they will side with the hunter more often than not #and the hunter is like. lea's Best Friend & vice versa whether the two of them like it or not lmfao #whereas the other companions have lived a life outside of the order and the hunter previously #is it toxic codependency..? probably. yeah #whats the point of saving the world if the cost is losing the only person that they feel any connection with (good or bad) #ask #anonymous #lea chen

[prince-liest]

Well consider me intrigued at the idea of a Heathers au. Are there any particular vibes you have regarding the idea? (Accepting, of course, that this is not like a thought out and planned fic)

It's never a planned fic, haha, I'm just always a baseline level of obsessed with Heathers, especially the musical. I often forget that it exists and then someone accidentally links me a video using a sound clip from Meant To Be Yours or something and I lose my entire goddamn mind all over again...

I did have lofty wishes for a DabiHawks Heathers AU that I outlined and generally daydreamed about back in 2020 when I was in my full My Hero Academia phase!

For Hazbin Hotel, the Vees are the easy reach to fit the general layout of the Heathers, and I think Charlie and Alastor would do well as Veronica and J.D., with Vaggie as Betty. Not as direct parallels, lol (and neither was my MHA version), but in terms of the themes of, like... getting suckered in by someone who you thought was on your side and accidentally going way too far as a result before you finally have to put your foot down and turn on them. A nice Hazbin Hotel twist on it would be Charlie dragging him into a genuine redemption, since there's no way he'd pull what J.D. does at the end of Heathers.

That said, I do think that Heathers as an AU concept works best for media where all the characters are on the younger side, so it doesn't actually mesh as well with Hazbin Hotel as I'd like for it to, especially since Alastor is the character that should probably be in J.D.'s role but doesn't have the same manic obsessiveness (romantic or platonic). For me, a Heathers AU is a way to explore toxic codependency and feeling like you're isolated as the only one in the world who is in this horrible situation and nobody understands.

#ask #personal #Anonymous #heathers au #angel dust and val prob have a good codependency vibe going on but then it's way more divorced from the veronica - j.d. - heathers layout #I watched the Heathers movie in weird haze when I was sick out of my mind (and stomach) with norovirus and wanted cult classics #and I think it permanently changed something in my brain chemistry

[deadandphilgames]

allie i'm sad about spooky week being over bc now they don't have an excuse to hold hands on vids😔

im sure they’re doing something cursed like interlinking their feet under the desk <3

#asks #anonymous #also they don’t need an excuse #they can just start on camera being as codependent as they are off camera

[infestedguest]

I love the platonic stobin subfandom dearly, but most of y’all do not understand the difference between codependency and interdependency, or even like separation anxiety.

Like I’m not against their friendship being portrayed as unusually close or them being reliant on one another to the point where it’s unhealthy, I think that can be extremely interesting, it’s just that that isn’t what codependency is.

“Codependency is a circular relationship in which one person needs the other person, who in turn, needs to be needed. The codependent person, known as ‘the giver,’ feels worthless unless they are needed by — and making sacrifices for — the enabler, otherwise known as ‘the taker.'” - Dr. Renee Exelbert

I’ve never seen a depiction of stobin’s friendship that fit this definition. Codependency has never been a formal term, but it is always defined as involving an imbalance of power that most people in this sub fandom seem completely oblivious to.

I do think that Robin and Steve could both easily be interpreted as being codependent people individually, especially in fan works, but the relationship between them is not codependent.

#the etymology of the word does make it easy to misunderstand tbf #if you’ve ever read a fic where they were actually portrayed as being in a codependent friendship pls tell me that could be interesting #fun fact: the term was coined by Alcoholics Anonymous in the 1950s to describe a specific dynamic that sometimes evolved between #some addicts and an enabling partner or family member #platonic with a capital p #stranger things #platonic stobin #codependent stobin #except not really #st fandom #stranger things fandom #fandom meta #stranger things fandom meta #st fandom meta #robin buckley #steve harrington #st4 #stranger things 4 #steddie #it is always morally correct to cross tag steddie #see how THEY like it >:)

[insinirate]

ww snr would describe nai's hatred for his son as just "being prickly", calls him a little cactus. it only furthers his instinct to act dadly and hope nai somehow softens up if doted on enough (like that ever worked on his own kid - probably explains why he blindly keeps on with nai).

vash gotta hate it when he notices because doting on nai is his job. stay in your lane, he's been here long before you.

woo sr dotes on nai and nai soaks it UP like the sun to the stupid little plant he is

and not that it was ever even a competition, let alone a close one, but he decides he likes this woo best between the 2 woos and it drives vash crazy bc 1) woo jr is perfect wdym and 2) dont i dote enough or am i doing it wrong :(

#this nais problems are so nothing compared to other au nais #like wahhh my brother who shares my unhealthy borderline toxic codependency and the local dilf in my area both desire me carnally what do i #anonymous

[cryptocism]

the idea of Three keeping Four's corpse and even more than that, the thought of his reaction of Four's death in the first place, hits different knowing their messed up relationship and that they still saw each other even after Four was Inertia

yeah omg chapter 11 went through so many changes from first draft to final, and portraying Three and Four was a big part of that.

because i'm trying to do all these mirrors and echos with these characters and their relationships, Three and Four has a lot of the same ingredients as Six and Seven, Eight and Nine, or even Three and Five. (which are ultimately all foils of Bart and Thad, the different ways that their relationship and attitudes towards each other could manifest given different circumstances and choices, while still being distinct enough to stay true to each of the clones' characters)

Three and Four have the worst most toxic version of that dynamic, and figuring out how to write it without getting WAY too dark and gritty but still make clear these guys are super fucked up went through many many rewrites and changes. i think i landed in a pretty alright place by the end, although because the chapter is ultimately from Six's perspective, a lot of Three's internal conflict and Four's feelings/motivations can't be as blatant as I might've made it if either of them were the ones with the reigns on the narrative. instead their motivations feelings and emotions have to be kind of deconstructed from actions and gleaned through context.

i have my own like, "intent" when writing the things that Three and Four do and the choices that they make, but because their perspectives aren't actually shown there's likely a lot of room for reader interpretation. which i love to see tbh

#asks #anonymous #frequency fic #three and four in a fucked up power dynamic cycle of abuse and codependency makes my brain go brrrr i really wanted to nail it #they hate each other they want each other dead but also the lab is the only place Four can feel safe #and Four is the only person Three can ever interact with #and Three is the only person who knows Four isn't actually the original inertia #anyway they're both awful and i love them very much

[guiltyidealist]

I reformatted Co-Dependents Anonymous's Recovery Patterns pages

(I didn't like that one of them got chopped in half across pages)

#they're a lot messier but. at least they don't split a section across a page turn lmao #codependency #recovering codependent #codependents anonymous #coda #12 steps #twelve step program #bpd #bpd fp #cluster b #toxic relationship #toxic love #toxicity #obsession #recovery #recovery patterns #affirmations #codapunk #guiltyedits

[atthecrossroadsoflifeanddeath]

Norse pagans who are in some sort of 12 step recovery program, or know a lot about them, I've got a situation I'd love advice on!

I just started in a Codependency Anonymous group (it's a long story but suffice to say I'm feeling more open to the 12 steps than I've ever been before). And I mean I *just* started - I'm two meetings in and haven't gotten a sponsor or started the steps.

That being said...

Something that's felt like a big block for me, now as well as in the past, is the notion of giving up my "life and will" to my higher power. Yknow, the whole "put it in god's hands" thing.

On one hand, I get it. I studied the 12 steps as part of a certification program and I know that surrendering to a higher power of some kind is an integral part of the recovery process. Without it, success in the program is...debatable. Even atheists and agnostics have to come up with some sort of higher power that makes sense to them.

On the other hand, part of the reason I've liked polytheism so much is because the gods feel relatable. They aren't paragons of perfection who are all-loving or all-powerful and etc. And they expect me to take my life in my hands and get my shit together when I need to.

So, in many ways, such as the accountability aspects, the work of the steps fits very well with my spirituality.... except for the giving all my life to my higher power and blindly trusting them to fix my character defects and solve my problems bit. And idk, maybe this is part of the issue of control inherent to codependency: maybe I don't want to trust the divine to help me because that would mean giving up control. But it's so hard to reconcile how I view the gods, and the surrender recovery requires.

And even as a write this, my feelings about it aren't at all black and white. In the same breath that I say the gods probably don't want me to surrender my life, I also think of Odin surrendering himself to himself. I think of Frigg, as all-knowing as she is, trying to control the uncontrollable to keep her precious son alive. I think of Loki, who, for his many impulsive decisions and mistakes, knows how to take accountability. I think of Hel, who has always whispered to me the wisdom of flowing with the cycles of life and death.

But then I think, does any of that have anything to do with surrendering your life and will *to a god*?? I can't even begin to imagine how to do that. I feel like I'd be scoffed at by trying. But maybe I'm selling the gods short. Maybe I'm just being insecure because stress and busyness and shame have kept me from proactively connecting to them recently.

Idk. I feel like there's a piece to the puzzle missing. I'm open to any perspectives.

#12 steps #codependency #codependents anonymous #recovery #norse pagan #norse witch #norse paganism #heathen #heathenry #norse gods #norse heathen #norse mythology #witch

[tiktaalic]

wait..if it's comfortable for you to do so, may I see a picture of these wire and cloth mothers?? I'm so curious..or actually now that I say this I would also love to see a picture of your cute cat if you have one to share :3

My monkeys and estate sale seal cross stitch

My cleo cat so cranky that I woke her up from a nap by getting home from work at a different time and turning on the lights. E piper

#anonymous #ask #just kidding cleo would never be mad at me she loves me sooooooo much. my little codependent baby

[patolemus]

https://at.tumblr.com/mylukestrong/707251299687727104/2t02puxcmos1 ok but

Alright. Ok. Alright.

For background information, the post is of a modern au where Aemond is king and Lucerys agrees to become Aemond’s slave? Property? Sugar baby? I honestly don’t know but Aemond controls him, because he needs the money to treat Jacaerys’ illness.

Lucerys is desperate. He needs to keep Jacaerys healthy and alive, and for that he needs resources. He needs money.

He needs Aemond.

And so he prostrates himself at the King’s feet. He begs until his voice gives out. He offers anything he has, even himself. Deep inside, Lucerys does not expect Aemond to pay him my mind, so he is surprised when Aemond tells him to stand up. When Lucerys dares to look at his uncle’s face, he sees a mix of amusement and revulsion, somehow still beautiful in those Valyrian features.

“So at last you finally present yourself as you are, Lucerys Strong,” his uncle says. His single eye seems to pierce Lucerys’ skin. “A gold-digging whore.”

Outrage burns inside him. All he wants to do is lash out, grab anything sharp enough to take out this man’s other eye. But he has Jacaerys to look after, and for his big brother he will grovel.

If Aemond Targaryen wants him to be a whore, Lucerys will be.

I’m so sorry this took so long! You caught me during my camping trip and I had to put this on hold and I just saw it again today. Thank you so much for this ask darling, it’s been fantastic to read the post and write this little snippet, tho now I’m thinking a little bit too much of this au hehehe

#anonymous #ask #the slow burn enemies to lovers with possessive and obsessive behavior would be amazing #and later the codependency? I’m in #lucemond #aemond targaryen #lucerys velaryon #aemond x lucerys #house of the dragon #prompt

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is not understanding why couples who claim to love each other hurt each more than anyone else, especially in fiction. Like seriously, almost every couple in fiction (ESPECIALLY YA) is unhealthy or straight up abusive, yet the characters claim to love each other.

I still love people, just not romantically. I love my friends and my family, and I can't imagine being so cruel as some of the IRL romantic couples I've seen.

.

#Anonymous #aro culture is #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod axel #to be fair i think that has to do more with the closeness in general? like someone you're closer to / more trusting in #is generally a situation you bear a lot to lose #but yeah some romo couples absolutely use codependency and emotional manipulation in the name of 'love' #though i think calling it what it is is VERY important