#criminalizing miscarriages

[catgirl-catboy]

Challenge: Describe your OTP in the most problematic way possible! If its already problematic, make it sound bad in a different way.

#incest coded ship between the son of a cop and a career criminal that ends in a serious miscarriage of justice #proship #reblog game

[unitchiefs-blackbirdphoenix]

For @cargopantsprentiss request, based off of the prompt: “JJ dealing with what should have been her second child’s birthday, and Emily looking after her.”

(Full story also found below the cut…)

November 2014.

“Are you ready?”

Emily’s voice rings out, bringing JJ out of her reverie. She pulls on her black coat just a little tighter, yet she feels goosebumps forming on her skin. Emily had already called Penelope to take Henry for the night, vaguely telling her JJ was having a bad day. JJ nods as a response to Emily’s question.

With a guarded smile, Emily returns her nod and walks over with a scarf in her hands. She drapes it over JJ’s shoulders, circling the fabric in layers twice around her neck. As soon as she’s finished, she meets JJ’s eyes.

Emily is familiar with the look. Guilt and heartache reside behind those blue eyes, but it’s quickly shadowed by numbness. All those years of being a liaison taught JJ that instant transition. Head up, shoulders back, look straight ahead. Don’t let it get to you.

‘It wasn’t your fault. No one could’ve predicted it. Stop beating yourself up.’

Emily wants so badly to tell her all that, but JJ has already beaten her to it.

“Let’s go,” JJ murmurs and slips her hand into Emily’s. The other woman gives it a light squeeze in return, and leads them out of the house and into Emily’s car.

As Emily drives, JJ gazes out the window. Emily reaches over the center console to hold her hand. JJ focuses on the back and forth motions of her thumb over her knuckles. Slow and precise. She counts in her head at each stroke.

(Back and forth) 1.

(Back and forth) 2.

(Back and forth) 3.

(Back and forth) 4.

JJ shifts uncomfortably in her seat and one hand clasps over her sister’s necklace. She always does that when something bothered her, Emily observes, almost as if she’s asking Ros or some higher power for some sort of guidance. JJ isn’t one to consider herself religious, in fact, she became indifferent with religion altogether once she attended high school. Yet as she clings onto the necklace and closes her eyes, she talks to herself quietly, similar to a devout Catholic praying the “Hail Mary”, begging for forgiveness for her wrongdoings.

Once they arrive at a small neighborhood park, Emily gets out of the car first and makes her way to the passenger side to open JJ’s. She takes her hand before leading her to a bench nearby.

Sitting down, JJ lets go of her hand and hunches over with both of her hands folded. She couldn’t bear looking at Emily, not after what she did.

It had been about nine months since JJ was abducted, and over three years since she lost her baby. Shortly after she was rescued, she mustered up the courage to tell Emily what happened in the Middle East in 2011, specifically between March and April of that year. She captured the pain and confusion on her face, and burned it into the back of her brain. She doesn’t deserve her sympathy. Emily had nothing to do with it, she brought this upon herself.

Emily watches her and waits. As much as she hates seeing JJ so defeated and hurt, this is a good time for her emotions to be released. After her own experience with constant nightmares of Doyle and brushing her fingers over the four-leaf clover brand above her breast, she learned to not ignore it anymore and face it head on. While she can’t imagine the pain JJ was going through herself, she needs someone who will listen.

“She would’ve been 3 by now,” JJ softly starts with a humorless chuckle. “If only I hadn’t gone-”

“JJ…”

“No,” JJ firmly cuts her off. “Stop that. Don’t tell me it’s not my fault, Emily. I made a decision. I’m tired of acting like everything’s fine. I’ve been doing it for the past three years. For you, for Henry, the whole team, and for myself.”

Emily quietly shuts her mouth and nods for her to continue.

“Nadia, the woman I was supposed to protect, along with her daughter. If I hadn’t said anything, suspected anything, none of this would’ve happened.”

She crashes into Emily and clutches onto the other woman’s coat as if her life depends on it. Tears begin to spill and trickle down her cheeks, and Emily allows her. She would much rather have JJ face the music than watch her wither and fall apart.

“I got too close,” she cries. “I got her killed. Nadia, her daughter, and my baby. If I lost you or Henry, too… god, Emily, I don’t know what I’d do with myself.”

She continues to cry into shoulder, tears wetting the fabric of Emily’s coat. Emily wraps her arms around her and holds her close, not planning to let go. JJ’s grip around the coat tightens, and so does her throat. She starts gasping for air and running a hand through her hair. Fuck. Damn it, damn it! JJ feels the walls closing in on her, and her anxiety crawls its way to her lungs.

She was back at the warehouse, hands cuffed to the ceiling as she held onto the chains above her head. She feels a hand hovering over her stomach, beginning to trail downwards.

“Look what it cost you… Maybe, I can make you one. Another one.”

JJ shuts her eyes and shakes her head, heaving in short breaths. “No. No, stop it!” Pushing the other woman off, she turns away and instinctively hugs her stomach, hoping the ghost of the hand would go away.

“JJ,” Emily calls out, but JJ doesn’t hear her. Her thoughts drown out all her senses, but Emily tries again. “JJ, look at me. Can you do that for me?”

Blinking slowly, JJ shifts around to see the other woman, and found nothing but concern and understanding in her eyes. “Can I touch you? Is that alright?” Emily asks, opening her arms. JJ nods and weakly attempts to reach a hand out to her, which Emily accepts and brings her back into her arms. “Shh. It’s just me, okay? I’m right here.”

It isn’t just the words coming out of her mouth or the smooth timbre of her voice. It’s the familiar warmth of Emily that brings her back down to earth. The only reminder JJ has to tell her where she is. It blocks out Askari’s taunting voice that she was going to die in that warehouse. It replaces Hastings’s filthy hands roaming around her abdomen, where her baby was taken three years prior.

“He took my baby,” JJ says, barely over a whisper, but Emily takes note of a hint of a growl in her voice.

“Who did?”

“Hastings,” JJ says through gritted teeth. “He fucking took my baby. Him and Askari, but Michael fucking Hastings took what was mine.”

Emily notices JJ’s hand curling into fists at her coat, like she was ready to punch someone or something. Proceeding with caution, she takes her hand and tries to guide it into her own to remind JJ where she is. JJ’s anger begins to dissipate, but she still squeezes Emily’s hand to ground herself.

”How are you still here?” She whispers, mostly to herself, but Emily catches it.

”What do you mean?”

”After the risks I took on that mission, how are you still here with me? You should be blaming me for making the dumb decision to go through with it and ignoring my own needs. I should’ve gone back home the moment I found out I was pregnant.”

Emily nervously swallows, not knowing what to say. “Why would you want me to do that?”

“I don’t know, Emily! I don’t know, because I managed to fuck everything up.” She shakes her head as she berates herself even further. “I make a choice, someone gets hurt, or murdered, even. When I tell people that we tried our best, I’m the first person they blame. I’m the one who carries that burden, and I’ve been doing that every fucking year since I joined the BAU, and I’m starting believe that everything is my fault.”

JJ’s breath grows ragged from exhaustion, but she takes a couple of seconds to gather her words again. “If I’d known I was going to be pregnant, I should’ve backed out. Instead, I decided to go back to the mission. I chose to take that risk, Emily, and if I hadn’t, everyone would’ve been alive, and maybe…” she glances away from her and places a hand back to her stomach.

Emily’s heart shatters at the sight. She wishes she could do something to ease JJ’s pain, to tell her it will get better. But how do you do that, if you’ve never experienced the same type of loss a mother has?

She’s watched JJ worry over Henry on numerous occasions, calling him every night before going to bed to read him his bedtime stories and talk to him. When the two women shared hotel rooms together, Emily would hear the affectionate tone in JJ’s voice when she was talking with Henry and his babbles over the phone.

Emily has never been a mother, or at least a real one. The closest to being a mother for her was raising Declan Doyle away to not be like his father, but that wasn’t permanent due to the circumstances at the time. She could’ve been a mom to Carrie Ortiz, but the universe wouldn’t allow her to.

Most of all, she couldn’t relate to the loss of a child, at least, in the way that JJ has. JJ had been planning to have another kid with Will; Emily was just a kid who didn’t know what to do. She wasn’t ready to have a child then, and hadn’t regretted her decision since.

“After I broke it off with Will,” JJ starts with a sniffle. “I thought I wouldn’t be able to do raise Henry without him. I never even told him about the baby or me being pregnant. Before we broke up, I kept playing the scenario in my head of how I was going to tell him I miscarried, but I couldn’t go through with it.”

Emily pulls JJ closer, feeling her body tremble against hers as she quietly cries into her shoulder once more.

“I didn’t tell anyone. Cruz was the only person I told.” JJ pulls away to wipe her tears before looking away in shame. “I couldn’t tell you either, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Emily.”

“Shh, shh… it’s okay.” Emily hugs her again and plants a kiss on her head. “It’s okay.”

“I should’ve said something,” JJ chokes out. “You were more important and I pushed my pregnancy aside for you. God, I tried to hide it when we were in Paris because your safety was more important. You have every right to be mad at-”

“I’m not mad,” Emily finally lets out, causing JJ to look at her. The other woman wants her thoughts, so she’s going to give them. “I’m not mad at you for not saying anything. I know you had no say in getting out of the mission from the beginning, but you did what you were tasked to do.”

She brings JJ’s head up, so she could focus on her and her words. “Hastings and Askari killed your baby, not you. They’re the ones that wore you out, and wanted to hurt you and break you until you can’t handle it anymore. It’s part of their M.O., to do everything in their power to make you break. They wanted something for their own personal gain, while you were there to do your job and try to help people in need. JJ, I know you hate feeling like you made the wrong decision and what it costs, but you never mean to hurt anyone. You’re stubborn at times, maybe,” she says, but JJ cracks a small smile.

Letting out a small exhale, JJ nods before Emily helps her wipe her tears this time. The weight on her shoulders begins to lift off, making her feel the weight of Emily’s words instead. It’s like a breath of fresh air to her lungs from the past three years.

“Thank you. Thanks for listening and being here when I needed someone,” JJ says, shyly ducking her head.

Emily smiles. “You know I’ll always be here for you. And you know, there’s about five other people that will be, too. We’re always here to help you. You’re not alone, JJ. Don’t forget that.”

All this time, JJ wasn’t sure how she would go about telling anyone about her pregnancy. Now with the loss of her baby, JJ was sure she would’ve received nothing but pity from everyone, only feeling sorry that she lost the life of what could’ve been her second child and Henry’s sibling, and not how she’s affected with thoughts of alternate, “what-ifs” scenarios, and the physical and emotional torture she’s been fighting against for the last three years.

Emily didn’t do that. She didn’t tell JJ what she wanted to hear. She told JJ the facts of the situation and how she saw it as a third party.

“You know, I sometimes thought what my second kid would be like,” JJ admits softly with a chuckle. “If they would take my temper, or what hobbies they’d be into. And worrying whether or not Henry was going to be fine with a little sibling.”

Emily laughs along with her and feels JJ take her hand. “I think they would be amazing because they would have a good set of parents, or parent. But like I said, you’ll have the team by your side. We’re here for you, JJ.”

JJ nods her gratitude once again. “Thanks. I really do appreciate it.”

#jemily #jennifer jareau #emily prentiss #criminal minds #jemily fic #tw sa #cw miscarriage

[section-chief-prentiss]

Is it that Bad a Life?

Summary: Takes place during the events of 6x18 “Lauren.” Emily finds out she’s pregnant with Ian’s child and isn’t sure what to do. 

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x Ian Doyle

Word Count: 3000

Warnings: miscarriage, pregnancy loss, mentions of blood, angst, arguing, mention of menstrual products

This work is intended for readers 18 and over. 

A03

Something wasn’t right; Emily could feel it. 

She’d woken up that morning stretched across the California King bed she shared with Ian. Sunlight streamed through the open windows, a light breeze blowing the white, sheer curtains around. 

Ian was nowhere to be found, had probably left hours ago. Emily sat up with a start, searching for the clock on the nightstand.

10:15. She’d slept until 10:15. 

She never slept until 10:15.

Pushing the forest green sheets aside, she threw herself to her feet, but the momentum set her off-balance, and she had to grip the edge of the bed for support as the room spun around her.

She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths, waiting for her heart rate to slow before opening them again.

The room steadied, so she straightened up and made her way to the attached bathroom.

It wasn’t until her bare feet met the cold tile that she realized how warm she was. Emily stood in front of the large mirror that ran behind the double sinks and appraised her appearance.

She’d slept in a lavender silk nightgown, and her brown hair was wild around her face. Her dark eyes were tired, and her bare arms had faint lines on them from the bed sheets. 

She took a cold shower to cool her body down and wake herself up. When she emerged, she felt like a new person. 

It’s probably nothing… she scolded herself as she dried her hair and curled it, still donning the white bathrobe she’d put on after her shower. 

Oversleeping, feeling off, was probably just a result of how hard she’d been working. She found herself falling deeper undercover with this role than she’d expected, feeling more attached to Doyle than she’d ever intended. It wasn’t something she could explain to her superior, Clyde, or her coworkers on the team during her weekly check-ins. They knew her work was efficient, but they had no idea just how efficient she was being.

She hated herself for how she felt about him. And she hated herself more that she couldn’t stop.

Emily pushed those thoughts out of her head, wrapping the cord around the hairdryer and opening the cabinet under her designated sink to return it to its place. 

But she froze when, next to the hairdryer, she spotted her unopened box of tampons. With shaking hands, she grabbed the box and set it on the counter, counting backward in her head.

No, that couldn’t be right, she thought, counting again. 

She’d been undercover for six weeks; her period had ended just days before starting this assignment. And she hadn’t gotten one since.

Her blood turned cold. She’d been under a lot of stress, and her period had never been particularly regular before. She’d slept with Doyle a few times, but they’d always been safe. There was no way she was pregnant.

That’s how she was standing, tampon box in hand, a horrified expression on her face, when Louise, Doyle’s housekeeper, walked into the bedroom with cleaning supplies in tow. Emily had left the bathroom door open, leaving herself exposed.

“Oh!” Louise said, turning away. “I’m sorry, Miss; I thought the room was empty.”

By now, it normally was. 

Louise’s interruption broke Emily out of her panic. “It’s okay,” she whispered, unable to take her eyes off of the box in her hands. 

“I can come back,” she offered.

Emily finally looked up and met her eyes, and Louise stopped when she saw the fear in them. The woman glanced between Emily and the tampons, and it only took a moment before the realization dawned on her face.

“Oh, honey. I’ll be right back.” She left her cleaning supplies behind and took off. 

“No!” Emily protested. “Please—”

She couldn’t tell Doyle. She couldn’t tell anyone. Not until she figured out what she was going to do. 

But Louise was already gone, and Emily couldn’t well chase after her in her robe, so she set the box down on the counter, moved back into the bedroom to sit on the edge of her bed, feeling numb, and waited for whatever would come next.

Louise returned only moments later, alone, and closed the bedroom door behind her. The other woman joined Emily on the edge of the bed and reached into one of her dress pockets. Without saying a word, she slipped a pregnancy test into Emily’s hands.

A dozen emotions rose up in Emily all at once, but she shoved them all down and simply nodded. She needed to focus on one thing at a time; otherwise, she’d completely lose it.

Emily made her way back to the bathroom, closing the door this time, while Louise began straightening up in the bedroom. Emily found some comfort in the fact that she wouldn’t be entirely alone while she did this.

It wasn’t the first time she’d taken a pregnancy test, but she knew the outcome she’d wanted then. Now, she wasn’t so sure. 

The first time, she was 15, living in Rome. Her best friend, Matthew, had taken her to a clinic nearby to get an abortion. Her mother still didn’t know about any of it.

Now, 15 years later, she was filled with the same fear she’d felt then, but also a strange peace. She was older, financially stable. She’d always wanted a family, and while being undercover certainly complicated the matter, Clyde could pull her out. She could do this.

Or… maybe Ian was ready to be a father, just as she was ready to be a mother. Maybe they could do this together. It was a dangerous hope, she knew, but she couldn’t deny it. 

The two minutes passed just as slowly as the first time while she waited to receive her fate.

What felt like hours later, she glanced down at her watch to find her time was up. She stared at herself in the mirror for a moment and forced herself to take a deep breath. 

Emily wasn’t ready, but she couldn’t put it off any longer. A shaking hand picked up the test and moved it in front of her face.

Clear as day, it read one word: Pregnant.

The plastic stick slipped out of her hand, clattering in the sink. Suppressed sobs slipped past the wall she’d built, and everything she felt came bursting to the surface. She clutched the sink until her knuckles were white, her vision going blurry with tears. 

Her stomach rolled, and she threw herself on the ground in front of the toilet, retching. The little food that was left in her stomach reappeared, and she clutched the porcelain until there was nothing left.

She cleaned herself up, wiping away her tears and washing her face, before opening the bathroom door, test in hand. The reality of her situation was weighing on her quickly, and she had no idea what she was going to do now. 

Louise paused in the middle of making the bed, and her face crumpled when she saw Emily’s expression. The woman made her way toward Emily, taking the stick from her hand. She didn’t need to read it to know what it said.

“He doesn’t need to know,” she whispered, throwing the test at the bottom of her garbage bag and burying it. “Not unless you want him to.” 

“Thank you,” Emily choked.

“You should get dressed; he’ll be home soon,” she said.

Emily nodded and made her way to the closet. She procured a loose tan sweater, white trousers, and comfortable shoes. The final touch was adding the golden ring Ian had given her on a matching gold chain around her neck. 

Once she was dressed, she took a final look at herself in the mirror. Makeup had successfully hidden any remnants of her earlier breakdown. The sweater hung loose around her frame. Unable to help herself, she turned to the side and played with the fabric, pulling it away from her stomach, wondering what she’d look like with a bump. 

She hated that a part of her loved it. Wanted it. Wanted a little version of herself or Ian running around, the best parts of both of them. 

Emily couldn’t keep the baby, couldn’t raise the child of a terrorist.

But what if she could?

She turned away from the mirror; she couldn’t think about this now. Ian was learning to read her face, and she couldn’t risk giving anything away.

Emily walked with determination out of her bedroom, thanking Louise quietly as she did so, and made her way into the parlor. Declan, Louise’s son, was sprawled out on the floor, frowning.

“What’s wrong, Declan?” Emily asked, sitting on the couch near him.

“I’m bored,” he said. 

“You wouldn’t want to play hide and seek with me, would you?” she asked, a teasing smile on her lips.

She certainly wouldn’t mind the distraction.

Declan perked up. “Yeah!” 

“Alright, I’m gonna count to ten; are you ready?”

Declan jumped to his feet, his blonde curls bouncing around his face. “I’m ready!”

“Okay,” Emily said, covering her eyes with her hands. “1… 2… 3…”

When she reached 10, she pulled her hands away to find Declan’s unmistakable blonde curls ducking behind the coffee table in front of her, just behind the centerpiece. 

She jumped to her feet with a smile on her face. “Ready or not, here I come!”

Declan crawled around the table, Emily chasing after him, chanting, “I’m gonna get you! I’m gonna get you!”

Declan scampered away, his little voice saying, “I don’t see you!”

“I’m gonna get you!” Emily squealed, scooping Declan off the ground. When she looked up, still giggling, she found herself looking at Ian.

“Hi,” she said with a smile. 

She wrapped her arms around Declan, almost instinctually, protectively, and Declan reached up to grab her arm. She let herself wonder what it would feel like to hold their child the same way.

Ian glanced from Declan to her with a matching grin on his face. Emily’s heart skipped a beat, and she couldn’t help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, there was a way to make this work after all. 

Without breaking eye contact, Ian called, “Louise, come take your boy, please.”

Emily stiffened, careful not to look in Louise’s direction as she collected Declan, and they left the room. Ian’s eyes followed them until they were gone.

Emily risked a glance, unable to help herself, setting her hands on her lower back. When she realized what she was doing, she shifted them onto her hips instead, biting her lip. 

“You ever think about that?” Ian asked.

“Having kids?” She forced out a laugh. “Be a little hard with what we do, don’t you think?”

She wanted to tell him so badly. He seemed more open to the idea than she ever could’ve imagined. But she bit her tongue.

“Maybe you need the right man to do it with. And a son who’s crazy about you.”

Emily’s smile fell as she realized what Ian was confessing. “I—I thought he was your housekeeper’s.”

“Louise raises Declan so no one can use him against me. But he’s mine. And he needs a mother.”

The weight of Ian’s words hit Emily hard. He was offering her everything she wanted: a family. Declan could have a little brother or sister. 

But the reality of their situation couldn’t be avoided. 

Emily shook her head. “I can’t do that. Not here.”

“Then I’ll get you out.”

That gave her an idea; the only way they could make this work. 

“Or…” she started, fighting to keep the hope out of her voice and failing. “I could get you out. I have resources. Contacts. He would be safer. And he’d have a father.”

Our child would have a father, is what she was really saying.

“You know what I am, Lauren. A warrior. I lead warriors. I raise warriors. I can’t just leave.” 

Her heart broke in that moment. He’d made a decision without even realizing it. 

Emily crossed her arms, creating a barrier between herself and their baby and him. 

“You want me to raise your son so he can have your life?”

“Is it that bad a life?” 

“There are so many things I would do to make you happy,” Declan ran in once more to stand by Emily, and she bent down next to him, running a hand through his soft hair. “But… I can’t do this.” She ran her hand through his hair again before patting him on the back. 

“Go to your father.”

Declan scurried over to Ian, wrapping his arms around his father’s waist. Emily watched with a heavy heart. She pulled herself to her feet, turned away from them, and took off the necklace Ian had gifted her, fighting back tears.

“I’m going for a walk,” she mumbled.

Her favorite place on the compound, where she went when she needed to be alone, was the gardens. Tending the flowers brought her peace, but today, she simply opted to walk through the winding paths. The hedges were tall enough that she could walk with her hands on her stomach without anyone noticing.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I don’t know what kind of life you’ll have. But I’ll do my best, I promise.”

Something in her stomach twinged. She knew it was too early to feel any movement, but it made her smile anyways.

She let her hands swing by her sides as she continued her walk, picturing what kind of life they’d have. Being a single mother wouldn’t be easy, but the more she thought about it, the more she wanted it. At her check-in at the end of the week, she’d tell Clyde and get herself pulled from this assignment. Finally having a plan made her smile.

She finished her lap around the gardens with that same smile on her face. But as she neared the house, a sharp pain stopped her in her tracks. 

A hand flew to her stomach instinctively. She waited a moment, hoping desperately it would pass, but instead, another wave of pain ripped through her.

“No,” she choked out. “Please.”

Another cramp struck her so hard that she almost fell to her knees. Something warm trickled down her legs, and she glanced down in horror to find her white pants were staining red.

Her first thought was that no one could see her like this. She snuck through the servants’ door into the back of the house. The nearest room was the laundry room, so she ducked in there, slamming the door shut behind her.

“No, no, no,” she moaned as another pain made her double over. 

She stripped her pants off; she’d never been particularly nauseous around blood, but the state her legs were in made her head spin. 

She threw her pants on the closest surface and reached for the stain remover. She sprayed it all over her pants, hoping the blood would lift out.

As she scrubbed, tears fell from her cheeks onto the fabric, but she kept scrubbing. There was nothing else she could do. She couldn’t stop what was in motion. 

A hand on her shoulder made her nearly jump out of her skin, but she was relieved to find it was only Louise. She hadn’t even heard the woman enter.

Louise’s face was broken, and it only made Emily’s chest ache more, but she kept rubbing at her pants. She was afraid of what would happen if she stopped moving.

“I’m sorry, I just really loved—” Emily hiccuped. “These pants.”

Louise set her hands gently on top of Emily’s and lifted them up. “I understand. But I don’t think the stain is going to come out.”

Louise lifted up the stained fabric and threw it in the nearest garbage can. “I’m so sorry.”

Louise wrapped her arms around the taller woman, unleashing a new round of sobs from Emily. 

Emily didn’t know how much time passed, but eventually, her breathing calmed. Only then did Louise pull away. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up.”

She reached into the nearby laundry basket and procured a pair of Ian’s black sweatpants. Before Emily put them on, Louise grabbed a rag from the sink, wet it, and scrubbed at Emily’s legs. 

Emily stripped out of her underwear, unable to feel any shame or embarrassment, and grabbed a fresh pair from the laundry. 

“You’ll want these as well,” Louise said, procuring a small pack of pads from her cleaning cart. “I always keep some on hand.”

“Th—thank you,” Emily gasped. “But can I ask, why are you helping me?”

Louise set her hand on Emily’s arm. “I’ve been where you are.”

Emily’s heart broke for the other woman. She slipped on Ian’s oversized sweatpants, unable to utter another word.

“You should get some rest. I’ll tell Mr. Doyle you’re not feeling well.”

“Thank you, Louise. For everything.”

“Your secret is safe with me,” she whispered. 

Emily numbly made her way through the house and into her shared bedroom, closing the door behind her. She took the pack of pads into the bathroom, and more tears streamed down her cheeks as she remembered just how different her life had been only a few hours ago.

Once she was cleaned up, she crawled under the sheets, begging for sleep to come, but it evaded her.

Some time later, the door opened again, and a familiar presence slipped into bed behind her, holding her close.

“Louise said you weren’t feeling well. What can I do?”

“Nothing,” Emily whispered. “Just started my period; I get really bad cramps.”

“Do you want to be alone?” he asked.

When he was like this, gentle and thoughtful with her, she almost forgot who and what he really was. 

Tonight, she figured she could forgive herself if she overlooked who he was and simply let herself be comforted.

“Please stay,” she choked out. “I don’t want to be alone.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he vowed, holding her closer. “I promise.”

#criminal minds #emily prentiss #ian doyle #pregnancy #miscarriage #pregnancy loss #fanfiction #lauren reynolds

[sleuthy-scientist]

Afflictus

Emily had always been good at compartmentalization, a coping mechanism that had served her well for decades, giving her an edge over her peers and colleagues alike. It had been a badge of honour she wore with pride for years.

Emily had always thought it was the greatest gift and most valuable lesson she had ever received from her mother. Until this particular skillset that had been so ingrained in her, failed her when she needed it most.

Leaving Emily to learn a new lesson. About what happens to her dreams, when she realises they are never going to come true. Discovering for herself how they transform into nightmares she can't outrun.

TRIGGER WARNING: fic deals with miscarriage and explores the characters' dark/raw thoughts and emotions surrounding this.

She didn't sob or wail, even if that was all she felt like doing. Her grief was horribly discreet, unless you knew the cause or what to look for. Then it was blatantly obvious and as persistent and as silent as bleeding from unstitched wound.

Only to her, the pain was worse than that, she would have rather been stabbed or shot. Because, at least then, she could go numb in shock from blood loss, or fall unconscious, drifting to sleep peacefully.

As it was, pills wouldn't be able to dull or diminish what felt like a permanent sharp stabbing pain piercing her heart. It got worse every time she closed her eyes, or dared to recall her dream, picturing a future that would never be. Waking, only to open her eyes and having the nightmare in her reality set in.

This was unlike any tragedy she experienced before. She felt betrayed, but with no one to blame but herself. Even if the doctors and Aaron tried to tell her it wasn't her fault, that nothing could have prevented this.

Reliving the horrors of being told what she had already known, but she had been too afraid to even dare admit out loud. That she was having a spontaneous miscarriage, with no underlying cause for her body's reaction.

That this was always how it was meant to end. With no reason or rhyme or real explanation as to why. It was just life, at least that was the superficial sentiment the professionals used as if their words would ease her pain or heal her soul.

But it didn't help in the least, and Emily didn't know how to make it all make sense. Why, when she was finally happy, and free, with all her dreams coming true, did this have to be ripped away from her. Leaving her to feel destroyed beyond measure, so lost, sad, empty, and alone.

Most of what they had said, had fallen on deaf ears, as she first tried to process the full extent of what was happening. Shutting down, only able to catch snippets of what was said, understanding even less.

Emily didn't want to burden Aaron with her devastation, knowing he was heartbroken as well. She didn't know how to even begin to explain the pain and responsibility she felt. How it didn't matter how many times he told her she wasn't to blame. She would never be able to shake the sense of loss and her culpability in it all.

Stuck forever wondering if there was something she could have done differently to prevent it. Emily had been waiting for so long for this to come into fruition.

Dreaming of having a family of her own, to experience and be a part of every second of her child's life. To have it all, a loving, doting, supportive partner, healthy and happy kids, a united family, a forever home.

Emily loved Jack beyond measure, she knew she would sacrifice anything for him. But, she also knew, she would never outright be his mom in his heart. She couldn't fault him if he never saw her as such, not wanting to replace or betray in any way the woman who gave him life and protected him with her last breath.

It was excruciating knowing she might never have that for herself. It felt like a delayed punishment for her past choices, coming to haunt her once more. Only further exacerbating her guilt on the matter. Even though she had read all the books and followed all her doctor's medical advice to a t.

Aaron might say he didn't blame her, wanting to believe that sentiment was true. But, Emily didn't think she could stand to see the endless well of sadness in his penetrative gaze directed at her once more. Not knowing how he could stand to comfort her, let alone be near her, after what had transpired.

She just wanted to be alone with her grief, unable to bear the weight of anyone else's thoughts or feelings on the topic. Even if they were well intentioned and meant to ease her pain.

She felt like she was drowning, weighed down by an unseen force. Bobbing up occasionally, yet each time she resurfaced trying to gasp for air, she was almost immediately pulled back under, unable to truly catch her breath or bearings.

Part of her felt like she was flailing about, trying to draw attention, craving comfort. But the bigger part of her wanted to be alone to sink down deeper with her sorrows. It was a cruel reality she found herself existing in, she couldn't see the point in trying to find the will and strength to keep herself afloat.

Hadn't she given enough, spilled enough of her own blood to even out her ledger. Didn't she deserve this chance, to be really and truly happy. It didn't make any sense, things had finally seemed to be looking up in every direction in her life. And now, she couldn't help thinking everything else was going to slip away too.

And even if it didn't, if she somehow managed to hold on and keep what she had left, it would never be the same. Emily didn't know if she could ever chance the possibility of going through this again. She wasn't sure she was strong enough to even will herself to try, to hope there would be a next time or that it could all work out fine.

She knew Aaron was sad and disappointed too, that Jack was likely going to be distraught soon as well. He had been beyond excited at the prospect of being a big brother. It's what he had been wishing and praying for, long before his father and her had gotten together.

Jack had already lost so much, she didn't want this to destroy him to. To remind him how bleak and heartbreaking life could be. He, more than anyone, was innocent and didn't deserve to have this dream shattered.

Emily didn't know how she could possibly face him again. To see his giant Bambi eyes well with unshed tears, knowing she hadn't been able to give him this. That she had dangled the promise and excitement of a baby sister or brother. And now she was going to crush this little heart, unable to follow through on her words.

How could she possibly tell him the sibling he never got to meet, would never be. That they had wanted to meet their big big brother, but never would. That he or she was now an angel, keeping his mother company in heaven.

What kind of a trade off or comfort was that for a little boy who had already experienced so much loss. How could he do anything but blame and hate her for her false promises. Emily didn't think she could face either Hotchner after this.

She couldn't decide if it would be worse hearing Aaron and Jack's anger and pain directed at her. Or if her guilt would devour her alive if they more than likely reacted with a soft kindness and love meant to comfort her.

The one thing she was certain of is that she could never recover from this, she knew this loss would live inside her forever. She would never be able to forget or shake the devastation she felt when she knew the truth.

She didn't know how she could ever make sense out of this tragedy, or if she could ever chance putting herself in this position again. Emily couldn't help feeling her dream slip away, solidifying the fact she was never meant to have a family to call hers. And that Jack and Aaron would be better off without her in their lives.

#criminal minds #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner #random edits #hotchniss #grief #devastation #miscarriage #how do you say goodbye #guilt #sadness #heartbreak

[gwydionmisha]

#Criminalized Pregnancy #Miscarriage #Abortion Bans #News

[ssamorganhotchner]

Sad hotch thought

Being so excited to tell Aaron you’re pregnant when he gets home from his next case. Like you made sure to buy several tests to make sure. And when he got home you jumped into his arms giving him a bunch of kisses. But as he went to change out of his clothes your joy soon changed to absolute devastation as you could feel your period (or miscarriage) happening.

If I was his gf or wife this would kill me 😭😭

cw: false positive pregnancy tests, periods, talk of a miscarriage, eventual pregnancy.

angst with lots and lots of fluff. <3

oh my sweets :(( no matter how long you've been trying to have a baby that would be super heart breaking.

false positives are much less likely than false negatives (like they occur less than 1% of the time), but they can happen. if it was a false positive, and those "pregnancy symptoms" were actually period symptoms (confirmed by your doctor), that would be heart breaking but at least you would know you didn't miscarry. you were probably stressed because of the case he had, or because of your job, really just life in general can get super hectic sometimes and cause period cycles to go out of whack, which really can suck.

god forbid those tests were actual positives and you do miscarry. the day you find out, he's recently home from a case, finding you in the bathroom with your hands around your stomach. after finding out what happened, he holds you close, runs his fingers through your hair while you sit in his lap and cry into his shirt, clutching onto him as though he could slip away from you at any second. he rubs your back, kisses your temple, and tells you it's okay, that he loves you and you'll just try again. it happens, it happens to so many women and it's not your fault. sometimes something is wrong with the embryo and your body flushes it out to protect you and the baby. it's heartbreaking, knowing that you could have had a family with the man whom you love so much... it's something you've longed for ever since you were little, and now it's being ripped away from you in the worst way possible, as though you were never meant to be a mother at all.

for months you try again, nearly giving up until one morning the smell of his coffee makes you nauseous; his aftershave smells weird to you and that delicious breakfast he makes for you every morning? horrible. he thinks you caught jacks stomach bug he had a few days ago, which could be true but then you think back to when jj was pregnant with henry and all of the clues seem to add up: the coffee, his aftershave, how much you couldn't even stand the smell of the eggs he made this morning. all of it.

kissing him goodbye, you immediately run to the story once he is out of sight and buy multiple tests just to make sure. you're scared from what happened before and don't want that kind of hurt again - feeling like a failure if you miscarry a second time. you couldn't survive it... can't survive another one. you want nothing more than to create a small little family with the man you love and to have that yanked away from you not once, but twice? it would shatter your entire being.

you are cautious, but overjoyed when you find out - all three of the tests in a row with little plus signs on them, with the one loner to the side that says pregnant. it finally happened and you couldn't wait to tell your husband that he was going to be a dad again - something he has always wanted with you.

the case is an undercover operation, which means he is gone much longer than you had originally anticipated - two weeks to be exact - and when he's finally home you can't wait. getting the announcement ready, you set it on the bed for when he's out of the shower. there's a onesie that says "hi daddy" with one of your positive tests in the middle of it. they both set neatly in a little gray box with a black bow on top, ready to give to him the moment he steps into the bedroom.

he's speechless when he opens it, not believing exactly what he's seeing, and it takes him a second to process. once he does though, to say he's overjoyed is an understatement. picking you up and twirling you in a circle as he kisses you with tears in his eyes. whispers of "i can't believe this" and "i love you so much" fall off of his lips like a chant. to have another baby? with YOU? oh he is so excited. you both have waited so long and it's finally happening. not that he didn't before, but he really he cant stop the smile that hits his eyes every time he looks at you now.

in fear of losing another pregnancy, you don't tell his team until your second trimester, all of them knowing how much you and aaron wanted to be parents again. but when you do finally tell them, just like family should be, they are over the moon. <3

#ssa hotchnershoney!! #morgans moots #morgan answers #aaron hotchner #tw: pregnancy #tw: miscarriage #tw: period talk #tw: false positive pregnancy test #criminal minds #aaron hotchner x you #hotch #dad!hotch #ask answered

[breitzbachbea]

SicIre is also such an easy job for worldwide past AUs bc where you find Irishmen outside of Ireland you usually also find Sicilians outside of Sicily.

#beablabbers #I usually do America in my head but Australia would be pretty funny #I need to know when the Italians came. Bc idk Harry being like a second-generation criminal would be funny #esp bc Aaron got deported due to a miscarriage of justice but his son is just an actual never do well #storie nostre #sicire #aph #hetalia oc #aph sicily #aph ireland

[oculiaperticlausi]

— INTRODUCTING DELANEY BROWN

welcome to marina, DELANEY BROWN ( cis woman, she/her ) ! they are a THIRTY-THREE year old who has lived over on LOCKE ROW for THREE WEEKS and works as a CHEF/BAKER. everyone says they look a lot like LINDSEY MORGAN. what do you think? — ALYSSA, 29, PST, SHE/HER.

b a c k g r o u n d ;

Delany was the only girl born in the Brown family, and the youngest. So, her whole life was consisted of having big brothers who glared at any boy who looked in her direction and lectures whenever she did something wrong.

Her older brother got into more trouble out of the three of them, constantly ending up in jail and her being the one to break him out.

She would do anything for her brothers so when one night her brother ame home with some blood on his clothes, she burned the clothes and everything he was wearing. When the cops came to snatch him up, she lied and gave him an alibi.

After that, she tried her best to make sure she never asked any questions on what he did that night despite the fact it was becoming more evident that her older brothers were getting caught in a gang in their home town.

Little did she expect that when she was twenty, she would find a boy that she would fall madly in love with, the two of them would become partners in crime.

Only, the one thing she should have remembered was there was no happily ever after for the Brown family. Her partner in crime, really became her partner in crime. He would drag her along on all of his criminal activities, robbing people, beating people, selling drugs. He even made her start doing it.

They also began to fight, he would get violent and she just loved him too much to fight so she did whatever he wanted.

At least until she found out she was pregnant, then she tried to leave which he lost it over. She called her brother to come over and then her brother "handled" the problem.

The situation must have been two stressful because she lost the baby a few days later.

She ended up leaving Chicago and now lives in Marina Heights, trying to remain as normal as possible.

c o n n e c t i o n s ;

brothers (2) —

hook ups —

friends —

#delaney brown — intro. #character — intro. #death tw #violence tw #miscarriage tw #criminal activity tw

[fearsomeandwretched]

Like there is no other circumstances except pregnancy in which a person is denied their bodily autonomy and forced to allow another person to use their body for survival. You can't be forced to donate blood or an organ to a dying person even though those are both much less invasive and potentially deadly than pregnancy. It is only people capable of pregnancy who must loan out their bodies against their will.

#all of this to say I think this stance values the fetus over the pregnant person always #which is why the pro life movement is now criminalizing miscarriages and complications #they don't care about life it's just about the fetus

[mental-mona]

Excerpt:

“We won’t go back”—it’s an inadequate rallying cry, prompted only by events that belie its message. But it is true in at least one sense. The future that we now inhabit will not resemble the past before Roe, when women sought out illegal abortions and not infrequently found death. The principal danger now lies elsewhere, and arguably reaches further. We have entered an era not of unsafe abortion but of widespread state surveillance and criminalization—of pregnant women, certainly, but also of doctors and pharmacists and clinic staffers and volunteers and friends and family members, of anyone who comes into meaningful contact with a pregnancy that does not end in a healthy birth. Those who argue that this decision won’t actually change things much—an instinct you’ll find on both sides of the political divide—are blind to the ways in which state-level anti-abortion crusades have already turned pregnancy into punishment, and the ways in which the situation is poised to become much worse.

[...]

These pills [mifepristone and misoprostol] are among the reasons that we are not going back to the era of coat hangers. They can be prescribed via telemedicine and delivered via mail; allowing for the prescription of an extra dose, they are ninety-five to ninety-eight per cent effective in cases of pregnancy up to eleven weeks, which account for almost ninety per cent of all abortions in the U.S. Already, more than half of all abortions in the country are medication abortions. In nineteen states, doctors are prohibited from providing abortions via telemedicine, but women can seek help from clinicians in other states and abroad, such as Rebecca Gomperts, who leads Aid Access, an organization based in Austria that is openly providing abortion pills to women in prohibition states, and has been safely mailing abortion pills to pregnant people all over the world since 2005, with the organization Women on Web.

[...]

Even if it remains possible in prohibition states to order abortion pills, doing so will be unlawful. (Missouri recently proposed classifying the delivery or shipment of these pills as drug trafficking. Louisiana just passed a law that makes mailing abortion pills to a resident of the state a criminal offense, punishable by six months’ imprisonment.) In many states, to avoid breaking the law, a woman would have to drive to a state where abortion is legal, have a telemedicine consultation there, and then receive the pills in that state. Many women in Texas have opted for a riskier but easier option: to drive across the border, to Mexico, and get abortion pills from unregulated pharmacies, where pharmacists may issue incorrect advice for usage. Some women who lack the freedom and money to travel out of state, and who might fear the consequences of seeking a clinical confirmation of their gestational stage, will order abortion pills without a clear understanding of how far along they are in pregnancy. Abortion pills are safe and effective, but patients need access to clinical guidance and follow-up care. Women in prohibition states who want to seek medical attention after a self-managed abortion will, as a rule, have to choose between risking their freedom and risking their health.

Both abortion and miscarriage currently occur more than a million times each year in America, and the two events are often clinically indistinguishable. Because of this, prohibition states will have a profoundly invasive interest in differentiating between them. Some have already laid the groundwork for establishing government databases of pregnant women likely to seek abortions. Last year, Arkansas passed a law called the Every Mom Matters Act, which requires women considering abortion to call a state hotline and requires abortion providers to register all patients in a database with a unique I.D. Since then, six other states have implemented or proposed similar laws. The hotlines are provided by crisis pregnancy centers: typically Christian organizations, many of which masquerade as abortion clinics, provide no health care, and passionately counsel women against abortion. Crisis pregnancy centers are already three times as numerous as abortion clinics in the U.S., and, unlike hospitals, they are not required to protect the privacy of those who come to them. For years, conservative states have been redirecting money, often from funds earmarked for poor women and children, toward these organizations. The data that crisis pregnancy centers are capable of collecting—names, locations, family details, sexual and medical histories, non-diagnostic ultrasound images—can now be deployed against those who seek their help.

[...]

Connecticut, a progressive state on the matter of abortion, recently passed a law that prevents local agencies from coöperating with out-of-state abortion prosecutions and protects the medical records of out-of-state clients. Other progressive states will follow suit. If prohibition states can’t sue out-of-state doctors, and, if abortion pills sent by mail remain largely undetectable, the only people left to target will be abortion advocates and those trying to get abortions. The Stream, a conservative Christian publication, recently advocated mandatory psychiatric custody for women who get abortions. In May, Louisiana advanced a bill that would allow abortion patients to be charged with murder. The proposal was withdrawn, but the threat had been made.

The theological concept of fetal personhood—the idea that, from the moment of conception, an embryo or fetus is a full human being, deserving of equal (or, more accurately, superior) rights—is a foundational doctrine of the anti-abortion movement. The legal ramifications of this idea—including the possible classification of I.V.F., IUDs, and the morning-after pill as instruments of murder—are unhinged, and much harsher than what even the average anti-abortion American is currently willing to embrace. Nonetheless, the anti-abortion movement is now openly pushing for fetal personhood to become the foundation of U.S. abortion law.

If a fetus is a person, then a legal framework can be invented to require someone who has one living inside her to do everything in her power to protect it, including—as happened to Savita Halappanavar, in Ireland, which operated under a fetal-personhood doctrine until 2018, and to Izabela Sajbor, in Poland, where all abortion is effectively illegal—to die. No other such obligation exists anywhere in our society, which grants cops the freedom to stand by as children are murdered behind an unlocked door. In Poland, pregnant women with cancer have been routinely denied chemotherapy because of clinicians’ fears of harming the fetus.

Fetal-personhood laws have passed in Georgia and Alabama, and they are no longer likely to be found unconstitutional. Such laws justify a full-scale criminalization of pregnancy, whereby women can be arrested, detained, and otherwise placed under state intervention for taking actions perceived to be potentially harmful to a fetus. This approach has been steadily tested, on low-income minorities in particular, for the past four decades. National Advocates for Pregnant Women—the organization that has provided legal defense for most of the cases mentioned in this article—has documented almost eighteen hundred cases, from 1973 to 2020, of prosecutions or forced interventions related to pregnancy; this is likely a substantial undercount. Even in states such as California, where the law explicitly prohibits charging women with murder after a pregnancy loss, conservative prosecutors are doing so anyway.

Most pregnancy-related prosecutions, so far, have revolved around drug use. Women who used drugs while pregnant, or sought treatment for drug use during pregnancy, have been charged with child abuse, child neglect, distribution of drugs to a minor, assault with a deadly weapon, manslaughter, and homicide ...There has been a string of shocking recent prosecutions in Oklahoma, in which women who used drugs have been charged with manslaughter for miscarrying well before the point of viability. In Wisconsin, state law already allows juvenile courts to take a fetus—meaning a pregnant woman—into custody for the fetus’s protection, resulting in the detention and forced treatment of more than four hundred pregnant women every year on the suspicion that they may be consuming controlled substances. A proposed law in Wyoming would create a specific category of felony child endangerment for drug use while pregnant, a law that resembles Tennessee’s former Fetal Assault Law. The Tennessee law was discontinued after two years, because treating women as adversaries to the fetuses they carry has a chilling effect on prenatal medicine, and inevitably results in an increase in maternal and infant death.

[...]

Pregnancy is more than thirty times more dangerous than abortion. One study estimates that a nationwide ban would lead to a twenty-one-per-cent rise in pregnancy-related deaths. Some of the women who will die from abortion bans are pregnant right now. Their deaths will come not from back-alley procedures but from a silent denial of care: interventions delayed, desires disregarded. They will die of infections, of preëclampsia, of hemorrhage, as they are forced to submit their bodies to pregnancies that they never wanted to carry, and it will not be hard for the anti-abortion movement to accept these deaths as a tragic, even noble, consequence of womanhood itself.

[...]

Most miscarriages are caused by factors beyond a pregnant person’s control: illnesses, placental or uterine irregularities, genetic abnormalities. But the treatment of pregnant people in this country already makes many of them feel directly and solely responsible for the survival of their fetus. ...Structural factors that clearly increase the likelihood of miscarriage—poverty, environmental-chemical exposure, working night shifts—are less likely to come up. As fetal personhood becomes law in more of the land, pregnant people, as Lynn Paltrow, the director of National Advocates for Pregnant Women, has pointed out, “could be sued, or prevented from engaging in travel, work, or any activity that is believed to create a risk to the life of the unborn.”

[...]

In Texas, already, children aged nine, ten, and eleven, who don’t yet understand what sex and abuse are, face forced pregnancy and childbirth after being raped. Women sitting in emergency rooms in the midst of miscarriages are being denied treatment for sepsis because their fetuses’ hearts haven’t yet stopped. People you’ll never hear of will spend the rest of their lives trying and failing, agonizingly, in this punitive country, to provide stability for a first or fifth child they knew they weren’t equipped to care for.

In the face of all this, there has been so much squeamishness, even in the pro-choice camp: a tone that casts abortion as an unfortunate necessity; an approach to messaging which values choice but devalues abortion care itself, which emphasizes reproductive rights rather than reproductive justice. That approach has landed us here. We are not going back to the pre-Roe era, and we should not want to go back to the era that succeeded it, which was less bitter than the present but was never good enough. We should demand more, and we will have to. We will need to be full-throated and unconditional about abortion as a necessary precondition to justice and equal rights if we want even a chance of someday getting somewhere better. 

#the new yorker #abortion #abortion rights #feminism #institutionalized misogyny #criminalizing miscarriage #this is horrifying #pre roe v wade #worse than ever #criminalizing pregnancy #misogyny

[miamignonette]

this is difficult to talk about but something that should be more widely discussed is how this is going to affect people who suffer a miscarriage. these people will be at risk of being investigated and convicted of murder for something they had no ability to control, and it will be while they’re grappling with the grief and trauma of losing what might’ve been a wanted pregnancy. miscarriages and the aftermath of them are heartbreaking. anyone who has experienced this is completely innocent and deserves respect and grace

#miscarriage tw #i was too young to understand what happened when my mom was pregnant and suddenly she just wasn’t anymore and nobody was talking about it #and now that i know what happened i can’t stomach the thought of her ever going through that heartbreak #it’s a kind of grief that i cannot imagine #and treating it like a criminal offense is so disgusting and inhumane in a way i can’t wrap my head around

[aalt-ctrl-del]

really want to hit up an anti-abortion conferences and just have a whole workshop about the zygote.  

Do y’all know how fuckin terrifying zygotes are? Those rabid things are savage. They do fucked up shit to their host, and if there are two or more zygotes in the same space but one is weaker, the stronger one will eat the other(s?).

Or if they don’t eat the competition entirely, sometimes they just absorb into a bizarre amalgamation of nerves. In a lot of cases those cells are not viable, and they sort of collapse or abort, and then the body eats that genetic garbage because NUTRIENTS! PRECIOUS NUTRIENTS! ONNOMNOMNOM!

If the nerves are viable, they’ll keep on developing into an animal thing. If that animal thing happens to be a human, then you get interesting formations such as arms or legs sticking out of the body - those are the ones you see on the surface. Sometimes theirs random stuff crammed into the spine or abdomen.

Maybe the nerves didn’t form correctly, and just stays as a wad of flesh growing in the human thing. When the human thing is fully formed, the wad a flesh might turn into a tumor or something and needs to be removed, and it’ll have weird shit like teeth and a spine tangled into it, or something else.

Sometimes the nerves turn into a face and lump of flesh, but doesn’t have a developed brain. But the flesh and face still need nutrients, so it slowly kills the fully formed Level 1 human thing. I mean, the external limbs still need nutrients from their host as well, but it’s not as sinister as a face and a lump of flesh that reacts to light, but doesn’t do much or make sounds because the lungs didn’t form - the face and lump are fully dependent on the host. The face just grins or grimaces while it and the host slowly waste away....

Zygotes are fucked up. What the fuck.

#zygotes #they are fucking terrible #this epic and intense battle be going down all while someone is trying to order a big mac from mickyDs™ #anti abortion #anti choice #pro choice #because if republicans made the laws they would rewrite what is a human #and basically condemn anyone who has parasitic twin for the crime of eating a zygote #and prevent people from getting essential procedures to enrich life and health of the survivor #and also will criminalize the human body for eptopic pregnancies #or all this drama with the zygotes going on #their purest culture already prosecutes women for naturally occurring miscarriages #the human body cares FUCK ALL about laws its hungry and eats junk cells #the human body is a brainless eldritch nightmare which eats all that enters its domain

[yeltsinsstar]

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSRvvTLR6/

#politics #usa #louisiana #criminalize miscarriages #women's rights #voting rights

[coochiequeens]

Where abortion is illegal women can be jailed for a miscarriage 

A woman in El Salvador has been sentenced to 30 years in prison for the death of her unborn child following an obstetric emergency, according to a rights group.

The Citizen Group for the Decriminalization of Abortion said on Monday that the 28-year-old woman, identified by the court only as “Esme”, had suffered a health emergency while pregnant in 2019 and sought assistance at a local hospital. She was later convicted of homicide and handed the lengthy sentence after serving two years of pre-trial detention, according to the group.

The case is the first of its kind in the past seven years in the country, the group said. Abortion is illegal in El Salvador, even in cases of rape and when the woman’s health is in danger. Rights observers say the law, which went into effect in 1998, is enforced to such an extent that women have been punished for having miscarriages, stillbirths, or other obstetric emergencies.

“(The ruling) is a hard blow for the road to overcome the criminalisation of obstetric emergencies that, as the Inter-American Court of Human Rights has already pointed out, must be treated as public health problems,” Morena Herrera, president of the group, said in a statement.

See rest of article

#El salvador #criminalizing miscarriage

[sleuthy-scientist]

Afflictus - Chapter 2, Grief Striken

Trigger warning, deals with the topic of miscarriage.

Find Chapter 1 HERE⬇️

He hated seeing her like this, and knowing he couldn't do anything to fix it. That he didn't have any words or gestures that could magically ease her pain.

He knew you couldn't rush the healing process, sometimes you just needed time to be allowed to process and come to terms with things on your own.

But he wasn't good dealing with feelings, that was Emily forte. Whenever he, Jack, or even anyone in the team had a problem, her presence alone was often enough to make any situation manageable. It was like she instantly knew exactly how to make everything better.

Being on the other side of the equation, with such delicate circumstances at play, pushing or prodding Emily would likely put her over the edge. He wanted to be sensitive to her feelings, knowing from his own grief, the heartbreak and devastation was likely amplified for her.

Aaron knew she hadn't really listened to any of the medical professionals who tried to absolve her of her guilt. She wasn't going to listen to him either, because she was only blaming herself for something no one could have controlled or predicted.

Emily was the only person he knew that was more stubborn than him. And usually he didn't mind, because 99.9% of the time she chose to assert this trait and stand up to him, she was absolutely 100% right.

But this time she was completely wrong, and he didn't know what kind of fight was ahead of him to prove that to her. He just wanted Emily to ease up on herself, to see she wasn't at fault, so she could actually grieve. He needed her to know that he knew she had loved and wanted their baby, he could see it in the way she had taken every precaution possible.

She had actually shocked him, when they discovered she was pregnant, immediately asking him to put her on light risk assignments like victimology, interviews, anything that reduced the possible physical dangers of their job.

When they discovered her pregnancy, Aaron had thought he would have to fight her tooth and nail to get her to take things easy. But, she had immediately been extremely cautious, not willing to take any chances since the stick turned blue and her OB confirmed the news.

Emily had even cut out coffee cold turkey, switching back to tea, telling the other her old ulcers were acting up. She even snuck breaks when she could and always had healthy snacks in her pocket and go bag.

She started drinking water like a raging alcoholic on a binge. And even turned down his occasional sexual advances, knowing her body and baby needed the rest more than she needed an orgasm. That flabbergasted him more than anything, because she was usually the instigator and like a wild fiend when it came to the sexual aspects of their relationship.

Aaron had never seen Emily take such good care of herself, it was almost like she was a different person. But he knew, she did it because of how much she wanted their baby to be strong and healthy, taking every advantage she could to make sure that would happen.

Seeing how much she had willingly altered her lifestyle without his prompting, Aaron knew she had done everything right. It had been something so precious to her, and she had done everything humanly possible to protect their baby.

He was so proud of her, yet, he knew she wouldn't believe him, even if he tried telling her that now. But, he had never once, even for a millisecond thought she was somehow at fault for this miscarriage. He knew that's not how she saw things though, that she would always blame herself for yet another thing in her life she hadn't been able to control.

Aaron understood she wasn't used to letting people in, she was still slowly getting used to the fact he was actually there for her, and wanted to know all the little things she had to share, just as much as the big things about her. And more importantly, that he wasn't going to abandon her in her time of need, like everyone who came before him.

He didn't take personal offence to her choice to almost completely close herself off from him, knowing she needed to process some things alone first, before she could consider sharing her thoughts and feelings on the matter. They were similar in that aspect, he knew it wasn't because she didn't want to turn to him, but because she had been burnt too many times before.

Aaron was terrified that even when she would be ready, he wouldn't know how to properly convey all the things he wanted, in a way that would get through to her. He couldn't absolve her of the guilt she felt, until she let herself off the hook. His words wouldn't have meaning if she didn't believe them herself.

He didn't doubt that she trusted him, and he knew there wasn't a single person alive he trusted more than her. He couldn't help thinking in this case, it also boiled down to her instinctual need to protect him, knowing little would ever supercede that. That she would rather dismantle and destroy herself, than ever cause him or his son any pain.

It was two fold, Aaron sometimes both loved and hated her self sacrificing to a fault nature. He had admired her for that noble quality and her endless empathy for others. He quickly saw her ability to build relationships and trust with everyone she interacted with. Whether it be victims, their loved ones, unsubs, or officers from other precincts.

He could even admit her empathy and compassion, allowed her to see the little things others missed during their cases. At first it annoyed him, especially when her hunches, the he missed, turned out to be correct. Until he truly realised Emily Prentiss was nothing like the person he once accused her of being.

She definitely wasn't the spoiled, entitled, ladder climbing, budding career politician he thought she was when she first joined his team. He had never been so wrong about a person, or so glad he had misjudged her. He could still remember the night she finally confessed to him how hard it had been finding her place on the team.

How not everyone had been welcoming, and those that were, kept her at an arms length. And those first few months, years even, when one of the team was hurt or in trouble, she had been just as devastated and ready to help as the others. But she didn't share their bonds, she was used to being invisible and pushed to the side.

So she adapted, not wanting to make their pain, thoughts, feelings, and injuries in anyway about herself. She kept trucking, working to find what they needed to solve the cases that the BAU became more personally invested in. She held their hands, spoke wise and comforting words no one else was brave or empathetic enough to share, or know needed sharing.

Those bonds she forged had been another thing Doyle had taken from her. It hadn't been the same after for her, knowing what was missing and broken, terrified it wasn't something she could rebuild. That she felt so cold, lonely, and lost, her only fleeting bit of saving grace had been knowing he was in her corner. And when she finally leaned on him, he became her rock, and helped her through the storm.

For years he had watched the way she cared for everyone else behind the scenes, never expecting even a thank you in return. He had learned the full extent of her genuineness when she turned her focus to him, always lending and ear and making sure he knew he was never alone.

Emily was one person who could always coax him out of the darkness, that threatened to overwhelm him. She was just there in whatever capacity he needed her to be, silently showing him he didn't have to ever wait out the storms alone. That no matter how big, unmanagable, or impossible things seemed, she had his back.

He wanted to return the favour, be the port in the storm she turned to whenever there was any atmospheric disturbance. He never wanted her to feel like she had to face any challenge or aspect of her life alone again.

When she finally started to come to him on the bad days, he realized he was in love with her, and wanted to be the first person she turned to, good or bad, he wanted to be her safe place, her forever home.

And now, even though, he was the one with marriage experience under his belt, this wasn't a situation he had encountered before. With Haley, they hadn't faced the tragedy of a miscarriage. But, it had been a long and challenging road conceiving Jack, the struggle had put pressure on their already strained marriage.

Finding out she was pregnant with Jack, Aaron thought all their problems would diminish. That Haley's focus would shift to raising their son, and they could be happy. And, everything between them would work out for their family.

But it hadn't, and this situation with Emily wasn't comparable to that or anything he knew how to handle. He was absolutely terrified he would say the wrong thing, or Emily would misinterpret him in some way. He had a bad habit of getting flustered and sticking his foot in his mouth dealing with women and his feelings.

Aaron knew he couldn't go to anyone on the team, that would betray Emily's trust. None of them knew about the baby, they had been planning to tell the team at dinner the Friday she miscarried.

Emily had been so excited, couldn't wait to bond even deeper with JJ over shared pregnancy experiences. She joked with him how if they had a girl, she had no doubt Penelope would start planning a wedding between their child and Hank or one of the LeMontange boys.

She was nervous, but beyond certain everyone would take the news well. She had been most excited to ask Dave if the baby could call him Grandpa or Nonno when the time came. He loved the bond Emily shared with Dave, knowing he was like the dad she always deserved to have in her life.

And now, she wouldn't have the chance, and might never allow herself the possibility of trying again. It was more than wanting to give Jack a sibling and experiencing parenthood together.

Aaron hated to think she might give up on this dream for herself, knowing she was meant to be a mother in every sense of the word.

But for now, he would settle for her letting him in, he was desperate knowing her guilt was likely eating her alive. He hated knowing she was heartbroken and overwhelmed, suffering alone in her grief. And that this was something he couldn't fix for her, and it might very well be the insurmountable thing that finally broke her spirit beyond repair.

Aaron vowed to himself, he would do everything in his power to save her from herself, and prevent this from happening. He already had an uphill battle in front of him, he just hoped it didn't get any worse, before it got better.

#criminal minds #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner #random edits #hotchniss #empathy #soulmates #true love #jack hotchner #sensitive issues #miscarriage warning

[gwydionmisha]

#Roe v. Wade #Criminalized Pregnancy #Miscarriage #Republican Agenda #News