#danny loves his new circus tricks

[nerdpoe]

Danny, after going on a walk through the Ghost Zone, comes across a very friendly couple who quasi-adopt him.

They're super cool, too!

They used to be a part of a traveling circus, and they know how to do all sorts of neat tricks and flips and they teach him how to do them too!

Honestly, with their help his flying becomes next level; they forced him to obey gravity long enough to learn how to ignore it without using his abilities, and as such he gets a greater understanding of how to maneuver through it.

So when his Freshman class goes to Gotham on a field trip (scare tactic to prevent them from becoming drop outs because "oh if you drop out you'll resort to being a thug and you'll be trapped in this cursed city foreverrrrrr ooooooooo~") Danny decides to show off to Sam and Tucker in a small park.

He does a quadruple flip off of a wall he ran up.

Barbara stares in disbelief through her cameras.

That.

That shouldn't be possible?

She calls Dick to ask if he had any siblings or cousins he wasn't aware of.

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dp x dc #dc x dp #story prompt #phanfic #danny loves his new circus tricks #he's having a blast #he has even more of a blast when a harried looking man randomly shows up #stares at him for a bit #then starts to do a trick-off with danny #danny has no idea who this dude is but he's having the time of his life #dick is getting more and more convinced that this kid is an alternate version of him or something #because he's been running the kid through the Grayson act as much as he can with what's around them #and the kid is nailing it #in the ghost zone the graysons are very happy that their son and their quasi-adopted strange half-dead son finally met

[britcision]

Guys I dunno how to tell you this this is my favourite fucking chapter so far and before this one the last one was

I know it looks like we’re getting distracted and side tracked off on tangents but I’m having the time of my fucking life and more than half of my favourite bits weren’t in the plan

(We’re still on track and makin’ our way but oh boy the funniest things are all accidents)

AO3 link is as ever still on the first couple of chapters!

First:

Previous:

———————

That’s Not A Twink That’s An Anime Girl

They did eventually have to let Dick out of his snow drifts.

As a former circus acrobat, Dick had the best excuse of all of them to use his vigilante training in public; he’d wormed out of Jason’s grasp, flipped over Duke and made a run for it.

Unfortunately for him, gravity was actually literally optional for Danny, and Danny didn’t even have a superhero identity to protect in Gotham.

He could turn a lot more easily on the slick ice and snow to give chase, a little flight added when friction failed him. On his own, Danny would have probably had to actually fly to take Dick down.

Of course, odds of eight-to-one would weigh on any man. Not a single member of the group wasn’t thoroughly soaked by the hour’s end, sweat under clothes and snow clinging over them.

The journey up to Wayne Manor ended up being done in chunks as the sun began to sink and the cold set in for their more human friends.

Jason, Danny, Duke, and Tim had to go back to the mall to retrieve motorbikes.

(Technically Danny didn’t actually need to, but what he did need was an excuse to get Jason alone for a minute, and he’d put up with snickering from Sam and Tuck to do it.)

Steph, Cass, Damian, Sam, and Tucker called for a cab rather than pack themselves into Dick’s now snow filled car, and their numbers were excuse enough for Danny to slip away.

Which is when Tucker realised he could have probably hitched a ride on Tim’s bike, and spent the whole journey hugging Tim Drake-Wayne.

Buuuuut it’d also mean riding a motorcycle through slushy snow. The dilemma on his face made Danny grin all the way back to the mall, despite the damp now clinging to his clothes.

Sure, the car might reach the manor first and they’d get warm and dry, but that just meant Tucker’d miss out on more Tim Time.

The snowball fight had clearly done Tim good too, he was much more energised as they walked back to the mall, complaining to Danny and the others about Amity Park’s underhanded tactics.

Danny sure as fuck wasn’t going to apologise, but he did have a much more important question: how the fuck did Jason do that landshark-disappearing-into-snow bullshit?

Which… well, was also a chance to fuck with Tim and Duke.

“Seriously Jay, I can go intangible but that snow trick was bullshit,” Danny complained with a wicked glee in his heart, reflected in Jason’s grin.

Tim nearly tripped over his own feet. Duke caught him, his own eyes wide.

“You can what?!” Tim asked in a slightly strangled voice, and Danny gave him his most innocent smile.

“Oh, has Dick not told you? Yeah, it’s one of my things, from the generic end of the list,” he explained casually, turning his arm intangible and phasing it through Jason.

Who made a face.

“Okay but why does it feel like that left a residue?” The larger man complained, scrubbing at his shirt.

Which. Danny paused, frowning down at his hand. Stuck it through his own chest experimentally.

“Y’know, I didn’t know it did that… not like I go through myself often, but I can definitely feel it,” he agreed, sticking his tongue out as he wiggled his hand around, then drew it back.

Duke and Tim looked fascinated and nauseated respectively. Danny gave them both a cheerful shrug and kept walking.

“It’s probably my pit water,” he theorised, and Jason groaned loudly.

“Danny, did you just fucking mix our forbidden smoothies?” He complained loudly, and Duke damn near choked himself on a strangled laugh.

Danny fully had to stop and turn to stare at Jason, delighted awe on his face.

“Oh, I’m calling it that forever. That’s my new favourite thing. Skulker is going to shit his entire liver when he hears “forbidden smoothie”,” he decided gleefully.

Jason smirked and bumped shoulders as he passed, forcing the others to keep moving to keep up. Duke almost jogged to lean around Jason and give Danny a curious look.

“Who’s Skulker?” He asked innocently and Danny grinned at him.

“Oh, one of my rogues. He likes to talk a big game but he’s pretty easy to deal with. All bark, no bite,” Danny explained cheerfully.

Honestly he was a little surprised Skulker hadn’t shown up in Gotham to bother him yet. He must have been having a hard time finding a portal, because it’s not like he’d stop.

Tim and Duke did seem a little reassured by his casual dismissal, but still concerned. Jason cut them off before they could ask anything that might be useful.

Yeah, Jason was kinda Danny’s favourite.

“So how the fuck do I get your smoothie out of my jug?” He asked with an overly disgusted face. Danny fought not to laugh.

“You are so asking the wrong person dude, I didn’t know it happened until just now,” he pointed out and Jason rolled his eyes.

“I’m taking at least six showers when we get to the manor,” Jason grumbled melodramatically, and Danny laughed aloud.

Then paused.

“Wait, how many bathrooms are there? Can we all shower?” He asked Tim and Duke.

Neither of whom looked ready to admit they didn’t know what was going on. Fuck Jason knew his family well.

Duke shrugged, the mall finally coming into sight, and diverted towards the underground parking.

“Well, there’s enough for one each. And Alfred could do laundry for you so you can change right after if you take a long one,” he offered, glancing down at his own now damp clothes.

Best part of a snowball fight: changing back into something warm and dry.

Danny snickered, plucking at Jason’s oversized sweater.

“The way you assume I’m wearing a single thing that I actually own is adorable,” he told the younger man sincerely, grinning as his cheeks heated.

Sure, it was more subtle on dark skin than Danny’s light tan, but he’d been friends with Tucker since he could walk. He knew exactly what to look for.

Was not quite ready for it to be combined with a sly grin right back.

“What, nothing of yours?” He asked suggestively and Tim laughed, quickly catching on.

“Did Jason give you everything?” He asked teasingly, both younger Wayne wards now grinning at their older brother.

Jason’s little pink blush was definitely still Danny’s favourite. He grinned right back, refusing to follow them to a place that didn’t exist.

“Some of it’s probably yours,” he told Tim blithely, tugging at his sweatpants. Which, as predicted, immediately changed Tim’s expression to annoyance.

“Why is everyone wearing my pants today?” Tim grumbled, and Danny’s grin widened.

“They looked a little tight on Tucker if you wanted to help him take them off,” Danny teased and Tim levelled a dry stare at him.

“I do have a boyfriend,” he pointed out coolly, like that was gonna stop turnabout from being fair play.

“Ask him to come help then,” Jason cut in, ruffling Tim’s hair, “you know Connor’s always welcome for dinner.”

For a long moment Tim’s expression froze, clearly actually considering the suggestion. Then he shook his head, sighing and calling the elevator.

“Probably not today. What floor do you guys need?” He asked as the doors slid open, stepping inside.

Quiet day at the mall. Probably the fucking cold, combined with hangovers from the new year.

And as much as Danny was thirsting to ask about that, he also very much needed Jason alone before they got on the road. Hopefully they weren’t on the same level.

“Two,” Jason said, and Tim nodded, hit two and then four. Looked to Duke. Who grinned.

“Three. Sorry Tim, you’re taking the scenic route.”

And for once the universe worked in Danny’s favour. Something fucked would probably happen soon to compensate.

He and Jason left the elevator together, waited til the doors slid back shut, and then headed off towards the bike. Danny didn’t make him ask.

“She’s definitely liminal. Not like, bad? Honestly she wouldn’t even register back in Amity Park. Damian’s is a bit worse, but he’s younger, it happens. Ecto energy likes kids,” he explained when Jason made an inquisitive noise.

He definitely wasn’t bitter or anything. He’d been just young enough to take it in like a magnet.

His parents probably wouldn’t have survived the same accident.

“It’s kinda the only thing horror movies get right. Ectoplasm can form from emotional energy, and little kids, they feel everything that much more. Tapers off when you get older, so Damian’s still a magnet. Cass is stable.”

He kinda wished he had better news, but honestly? After a dunk in the kind of rancid ectoplasm Jason described, Danny was taking it as a win that neither of the others were haunted.

Jason nodded gruffly, pausing beside his bike to pull his helmet back on. Not that it’d stop Danny from reading his mood; his aura pulsed stress-stress-stress-worry like a beacon.

Danny stepped closer, resting a hand on Jason’s shoulder, stilling the movement.

“They’ll both almost definitely become ghosts if they die again,” he explained softly, voice low enough to pass unheard in the echoing space, “but they’ll be fine. Think of it like insurance; you’re never going to lose them.”

Jason snorted, the sound distorting strangely through the helmet, but didn’t pull away.

“Is that what you tell yourself about Sam and Tucker?” He asked, trying to sound derisive but there was a tinge of hope there now.

Danny gave him a gentle wave of sorry-sorry-comfort back.

“Yeah.”

**

Back in the elevator, Tim looked at Duke expectantly. Who sighed.

“I am not a fuckin’ pokedex, Tim,” he reminded the older boy with a roll of his eyes. Which his brother totally ignored, still waiting.

Tim could fucking stare like nobody’s business.

The elevator chimed again and Duke stepped out, not the least surprised when Tim followed.

“I dunno. I thought I almost caught something in the park, but it was just a blur. Tucker and Sam both have more of an aura than Danny, but Danny’s clearly something. I just dunno if it’s a meta gene,” he explained reluctantly, and Tim nodded, already adding the information to his wrist computer.

Which he wasn’t supposed to wear out of costume.

Duke wasn’t gonna tell; he’d be a damn hypocrite if he did, he wore his Signal boots with the bike half the time. They were just much more responsive than normal boots.

“What makes you say that?” Tim asked, still typing away. It’d save Duke from having to add it all to his report, so it kinda counted as a favour.

Duke shrugged, still trying to narrow down the feeling.

“Honestly? Most people with the same meta gene fuck up a little the first time they show off around me. It’s the x-metals; I boost them, whatever they’re doing goes too hard.” Tim’d been the one to help him work that out, but it would all go in the report.

Tim nodded, gesturing for him to continue and Duke sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Danny… didn’t. Unless that’s the residue they were both talking about, and if the fucking Lazarus Pits can cause intangibility we have got to warn Bruce. But that’s not the only thing,” he added quickly, before Tim could speak.

The older boy quieted obediently, but Duke could see he had his thinking face on. Putting pieces together, all those wheels turning as one.

That was practically a fuckin’ meta ability, and it wasn’t like Tim got a boost from him either. Maybe Duke needed to do some more experimenting.

“Most metas, even the nonhuman ones, have at least some aura. Some of them can hide it, but I can get a feel for their powers from it. Danny… I dunno. I can almost feel something, but I can’t see it.”

That was the thing that unsettled Duke the most, honestly. Almost all of his powers were purely light based; seeing what other people couldn’t. Even his shadow manipulation still worked around light.

It was fucking weird for there to be anything he couldn’t see, and he could go way beyond the visible spectrum. Whatever Danny emitted, it went beyond even that.

For a guy who could even see a little into the future, it was weird.

And since Danny had showed off flight, super strength, and intangibility already? And called them the generic end of the list?

Duke was definitely leaning on the “extreme control of his aura” side of the equation.

Tim looked concerned too, which was kind of validating. It kinda sucked being the expert on things no one else could understand, because Duke always worried he was overreacting, but if Tim tagged it too? Well that was validation.

“The only bit of good news is that we can probably rule out the pits as the source of his abilities,” Tim muttered as he scanned back through his notes so far.

“They coulda been trauma activated by his death in the same way as a meta gene,” Duke pointed out thoughtfully, leaning back against the wall.

It wasn’t like they were racing home, and until someone else came down the elevator? No rush. Tim had another floor to descend anyway.

Tim himself shrugged, adding another couple of notes to his file.

“It’s definitely possible, but even if it was a million-to-one chance, I can’t imagine Ra’s keeping quiet about something this useful, or letting someone like Danny run around if he had any idea he existed,” Tim explained, making a face.

And… yeah, no point trying to argue with Tim about Ra’s al Ghul. Duke pulled a face too and sighed.

“Well, he still seems pretty sure we’ll know all about it if we can get into Amity Park. Or when Jason decides to fucking tell us,” he added with a roll of his eyes.

Tim glanced up at him, smirking.

“You noticed too?” He asked innocently, and Duke snorted. Reading Jason’s micro-expressions might not be a survival skill exactly, but it was still a bat family hobby.

“He definitely fucking knows!” He complained, the switch from Professional Hero to Baby Brother getting easier and easier as time passed.

He still had his own parents, he didn’t need Bruce to adopt him, but he’d been an only child for most of his life. Having a new army of big brothers and sisters? Kinda ruled.

And he knew most of the others felt the same. They’d all be alone in their own ways, and the stubborn independent streaks were still there, but…

It was good to know someone had your back. That no matter what happened, how the adults in your life fucked you over, you could always go to Dick’s in Bludhaven.

Could always call Jason to bitch about whatever you needed off your chest, and yeah, there was always the worry that he really meant it when he said he’d “take care” of your problem? But he also listened when they said no.

Hell, it’d been Jason’s couch that Duke had crashed out on about a year ago, back when Jason was still damn near on the Big Bat’s no fly list.

He’d been on his way to school for the start of his winter semester when an absolutely blinding migraine took him to his knees. For whatever reason, Jason had been close.

Duke hadn’t even been able to glance at his phone to call for help; even opening his eyes a crack felt like he was being blinded. He’d barely recognised Jason’s voice asking if he was alright.

Hell, back then he hadn’t known if Jason recognised him out of costume. They’d always had a more friendly relationship than Jay did with the other bats, but this had been just after Jason finally texted Dick back.

Back when Red Hood would take a casual shot at any mask crossing into his turf. Not to hit, but a definite reminder of the border.

And Jason had lifted him bodily and carried him into Crime Alley. Put him on his couch to sleep it off in pitch darkness, and made him some of the best home made soup Duke had ever had.

Duke got why the older teens were still a little wary. He’d seen the Pit Rage live and in person, and it was fucking terrifying. It just wasn’t all Jason was.

And yeah, the family also had a whole army of fellow teens who’d know exactly what you were talking about, between Steph, Tim, Cass, and Duke himself. Even Damian, as much as he pretended not to care.

Kate and Babs were always willing to spread their wings out and give them all a place to shelter. And hell, if adult supervision was needed, they even had Harley, Ivy, or Selina.

Duke may not want to be a Wayne, but he’d take everything the bat family offered with both hands.

Tim sure as hell had not adjusted from being the baby to being third oldest though. He gave a huge heaving groan to match Duke’s own, flopping back against the wall.

“I know, right! And he knows we don’t know shit. He’s just enjoying watching us scramble cuz he knows we can’t just tell Danny we don’t know,” he grumbled, scrubbing both hands through his hair.

Duke hesitated.

“We… probably could just tell Danny,” he said slowly, brows furrowing. “It’s not like he doesn’t want us to know.”

Tim gave him a sidelong look.

“Yeah, after we admit we didn’t even manage to google him. Y’know, the kid who clocked Dick’s identity from his ass,” he added dryly.

Duke hesitated again, brows furrowing.

He knew that shouldn’t matter. Knew the smart move really was to ask for help sometimes. Knew damn well that it was Tim’s stubborn streak that kept him in the cave all night, while Tuck, Steph, and Cass watched movies upstairs.

Finally he let his head drop, sighing.

“The longer we wait the dumber we look if we have to ask later,” he warned Tim but his heart wasn’t in it.

It didn’t matter that Jason was probably the only member of the family with all the pieces; whoever caved and asked for help first? Yeah, social suicide.

Tim shook his head, pushing off the wall and scowling out into the rest of the garage.

“It’ll be fine. I’ll talk to Tucker about the Amity Park problem tonight and we’ll know by morning.”

Which… Duke hid a smile.

Asking Danny? Definitely cheating, worthy of scorn and derision.

Asking Tucker? Apparently completely different. Although technically he wouldn’t be asking Tucker for the same information.

Just admitting the exact same fault.

Pulling his keys from his pocket, Duke turned and wiggled them at Tim as he headed for his bike.

“Hey, if you hurry you could try to beat Danny and Jason to the manor. Get to Tucker first,” he added, grinning as Tim hit the call for the elevator.

The shorter boy rolled his eyes, waving a hand in Duke’s general direction.

“I’ll get to him once everyone’s warmed up. He wanted a look at my set up last night anyway,” he said almost off handedly.

Duke’s grin spread.

“Oh hey, that’s perfect! Just take him to your bedroom after you’ve both just been wet and naked and show each other your most private parts!” He called loudly, wondering if any of the supers were listening.

They’d find out soon.

Tim choked, blushing cherry red and spun to yell something after Duke just as the elevator doors opened. Duke waved cheerily back, turning away to head for his motorcycle.

“See you at the manor Timmy!”

**

Reconvening at Wayne Manor was… well, chaotic. Even more so than the gala the night before, though that might have been because this time, none of them had a firm plan.

Jason and Danny arrived first, greeting Alfred on the way in. The butler was not hugely impressed by the “foresight” which had led to a snowball fight when Danny was wearing an oversized sweater, sweatpants, and little else.

Any protestations that Danny was fine and was normally this cold anyway quavered under an archly raised brow and Danny privately swore never to let Clockwork meet Alfred.

They would get along far too well.

And that’s how Danny ended up actually using one of the spare bathrooms while Jason, who had worn a proper coat and thus escaped Alfred’s wrath, grabbed him a change of clothes.

The fact that this once again included one of Jason’s shirts, when Tim, Dick, Duke, and Steph all existed and also had spare clothes here, felt a little targeted.

It hung from Danny’s shoulders like a kid in his dad’s clothes, but Jason was probably also the only one with a shirt that said “Soup Powered Fuck Machine”, and the bit was fucking worth it.

Danny tied off most of the excess fabric into something just a bit longer than a crop top and settled in to drink hot chocolate with Jason and Duke and wait for the others to come back down.

(Which, by the way? Best hot chocolate he’d ever tasted. He was stealing the recipe 1000%, it was so rich and creamy and thick and had grated curls of chocolate on top of the whipped cream.)

Any lingering questions Duke might have been hiding about the shirt? Answered themselves when Tucker walked into the room, saw Danny, and laughed so hard he wound up in the fetal position.

Yeah, Jason was never getting this shirt back.

This was Danny’s shirt now. He was gonna wear it for his next fight with his rogues.

Sam actually did have her own clothes, so she’d accepted the offer of laundry while she showered (though she was a little annoyed the laundry room was so far from any of the bathrooms that she couldn’t do it herself), so she’d rejoined them in a mix of Steph and Cass’s clothes while she waited.

She had also been unable to keep a straight face upon seeing Danny’s new country girl fashion statement, rolling her eyes and punching his shoulder as she dropped to sit next to him.

“We call the thermos Soup Time,” she explained when Cass cocked her head curiously… which probably actually confused the rest of the bats a little more.

“The thermos you threw at Killer Croc?” Dick asked, still towelling his hair dry.

Sam raised a very slow eyebrow at him, her smile toning down to a smug smirk.

“Yeah, sure, I definitely threw it at Croc,” she agreed dryly and Dick cackled, throwing his towel down on Tucker’s still curled body.

Without even seeming to open the door Alfred appeared with another tray of hot chocolates, handing them out to those who hadn’t yet gotten one and taking back empty mugs.

He even had a second hot chocolate for Danny, who was going to marry the man. Even if he was old enough to be his grandpa.

Maybe Tucker did have a point about trying to get into the Wayne family for the perks… which Danny was never going to stop teasing him about, now that he and Tim were getting on so well. Boy could make his own ins, he didn’t need Danny.

Even Tucker roused himself for a mug though, crawling out from under Dick’s towel, glancing at Danny, and bursting out laughing again. Still, this time he could keep himself steady enough to stand, take the mug, and join Tim on another couch.

Alfred gave a quick glance around the room, probably counting heads, and cleared his throat.

The assorted vigilantes quieted immediately, and Danny’s respect for the old man grew just a little. It was already pretty fucking high. Not much more room to rise.

And somehow that perfectly serene, composed face managed to convey a deep sense of satisfaction.

“I am afraid we are presently waiting only on Master Bruce to begin dinner. If you would all proceed to the dining room?” It was phrased as a polite request.

The Wayne brood leapt to like it was an order. Danny pressed his lips shut on a laugh as he followed, catching Sam’s eye to see her grinning.

Up in front, Dick hurried to walk alongside Alfred.

“Oh, is Brucie not home? Or do you want me to go dig him up?” He asked brightly, and Alfred gave him a tight smile, pushing open the door to the fucking plainest most normal dining room Danny’d ever seen in a mansion.

Sure, the table was huge, but rather than being ornate, heavy, or flashy, it looked to be hard wearing oak. Clean, well polished, and not even that polish could hide the dents.

The chairs too were comfortable, nice, and a lot more tasteful than the Manson’s or Vlad’s. Well padded, well used, but not… fancy. Even the walls were simple, the elaborately framed portraits and art pieces on the wall replaced with…

What looked like kid’s drawings. Framed, cherished, and it clicked.

No chance in hell that this was the manor’s formal dining room.

The table was huge, but not that big with the number of people in the room. More than half of it was filled with just the kids, and sure there was space for the Amity Parkers, but not a larger group.

This was the family dining room. And that was fucking adorable.

Steph’d definitely walk him through every picture on the walls to help him find Jason’s. Today was going to be great.

He almost completely missed Alfred’s reply to Dick.

“I’m afraid not, master Dick. He was expected back nearly two hours ago, and yet…”

Even deep within the manor no one could have missed the sound of the front door slamming open, and anyone who did would have been alerted by the bellowing yell that followed.

“OOOOOOOH BRUCIE! I TOLD YA WHAT’D HAPPEN IF WE HAD TO HAVE THE BOUNDARY TALK AGAIN!” An extremely loud, very chipper given… well, everything voice filled the room.

The Gothamites’ heads all snapped around with expressions ranging from delight to exasperation.

“How the fuck did she get here so fast,” Duke hissed, leaning in towards Tim, but not far enough that Danny couldn’t hear, “weren’t she and Ivy in Brazil?”

Tim, definitely the exasperated one, gave a helpless shrug. Whatever he replied with was lost under Dick, bellowing back with clear glee in his voice.

“FAMILY DINING ROOM, HARLS! FIRST HALL ON YOUR LEFT!”

So, they were all going to meet Harley Quinn today. That’d be fun. Danny had always wondered what she was like in person, and apparently she was a close enough friend of the Waynes to be welcomed in.

Sam and Tucker’s faces would be fun.

Alfred’s was a perfect mask of patience that even Clockwork would envy, and he had already pulled a new place setting from a chest of drawers.

It didn’t take Harley long to find them, striding down the hall wearing some fucking unseasonal shorts, a baggy long sleeved sweater, and her trademarked blonde pigtails with the pink and blue tips.

And a bedazzled baseball bat slung casually over her shoulder, just in case anyone missed the mark.

She greeted Dick with a kiss on the cheek, then chased down as many of the others that hadn’t immediately fled to the other side of the table. Barring Damian, none of them seemed to mind.

Jason had made an attempt to flee, but no. No, that wasn’t happening, and Danny “accidentally” got in his way. Boxed him in between chair and table, grinning all the while until Harley made her way to them.

“And there he is! My poor suffering boy!” Harley cooed, cupping both of Jason’s cheeks in her hands and yanking his head down with a lot more force than a woman her size should have been capable of, pressing a large smooch on each cheek.

For all the glares he shot Danny, he managed an almost sheepish smile for the woman herself.

“I’m fine, Harley. Really. You didn’t need to come,” he protested with absolutely none of his heart in it, a pink flush rising to complement the sparkly pink lipgloss smooch marks.

“Nonsense, baby boy, if Brucie needs his head pulled from his ass I’m always here,” Harley told him firmly, patting his cheeks and rounding on Danny.

It was kinda less funny now that she was bearing down on him, all of her airhead dramatics belied by the piercing, analytical stare she pinned him with.

“Huh, did Brucie pick up a new one while we were gone? It’s been like a week, we’ll talk about his adoption issues too,” Harley declared firmly, snagging Danny by his collar and yanking him in for a cheek smooch too.

And yeah, holy shit, she really was a lot stronger than she looked. Like, almost ghostly levels of super strength.

Batman’s “no metas in Gotham” rule was looking flimsier and flimsier, cuz while she’d been a rogue in the past, this? This was not a rogue’s welcome, and Danny actually did like most of his rogues.

Just not “kisses on the cheek”, although the grabbing and pulling was familiar.

Still, better not let Vlad know. Wouldn’t do for him to feel too welcome in Gotham.

Harley released him a moment later to give him a dazzling smile.

“Hi, you’re a little older than most of Brucie’s new kids but that’s fine, I’m your Aunt Harley now and if you ever need any help with anything, especially getting Brucie’s ass in line, you just call me, okay doll?” She told him firmly.

Jason was fucking grinning at him over her head, and it just plain wasn’t fair that he was a whole head taller than them. Danny flipped him off behind her back, and gave the woman herself a sheepish smile.

“Actually, I’m not one of Bruce’s, I’m just-“

“Jason’s-boyfriend,” Steph stage coughed behind him.

Harley’s eyes widened, Danny had a go at kicking blindly behind him and hurried to correct her.

“Just Jason’s friend,” he stressed the word and suddenly those almost frighteningly piercing eyes were roaming across his face again.

It was like if Jazz had been dunked in a vat of glitter but could still see right through him. Then Harley grinned again and patted his cheek.

“Sure thing, sugar. Still, if you stick around long enough Brucie’ll make a go of it, so be careful,” she warned him cheerfully, then lunged for Steph, got her in a headlock, and smooched pink lipgloss into freshly washed hair.

Danny couldn’t help chuckling softly as Harley scanned the room, clocked a bemused Tucker and wide eyed Sam, and her eyes narrowed for a moment.

Then she nodded, apparently deciding they probably also weren’t new niece and nephew, and skipped back over to Alfred.

“So! Not that this ain’t great, but ya clearly got some company over so if ya could just point me towards the B-man I’ll borrow him right quick?” She offered with a broad grin, not actually grabbing Alfred.

Up went the respect-o-meter again. Restraining Harley Quinn was hard for seasoned heroes, her restraining herself? None of the birds could claim that apparently.

Alfred gave her the same polite smile, setting her a place at the table.

“I’m afraid Master Bruce has not yet returned from his lunch appointment, Miss Quinzel. He should be returning shortly if you would care to join us for dinner?” It almost didn’t seem like a question, given what he was doing.

Harley waved a hand easily, making a face that was almost apologetic.

“Oh, nah, I’ll just go get ‘im for ya and send ‘im back over. Maybe with some new bruises,” she added almost as an after thought, then shrugged and grinned. “So! Where’d ya last see ‘im?”

It seemed like their missing Brucie problem was about to be solved, and the rest of the Gothamites were now taking their seats around the table.

Tucker, who’d cautiously followed Tim’s retreat around the table after Harley’s chaotic entrance, was now sat between Tim and Damian, and probably regretting his life choices.

Sam, whose parents hadn’t actually specifically forbidden her from speaking to Harley, seemed to be trying to make up her mind about something. Probably going to talk to Harley directly.

Steph and Jason had considerately left two spots in between them as they sat, and Danny let himself drop into the chair next to Jason as Alfred answered.

Well. Nearly into the chair.

“Master Bruce’s lunch appointment was approximately four hours ago in a private room at Chez Vous with one of our gala’s guests, a Vlad Masters.”

Yeah. Danny missed the chair, thunking all the way to the floor with a startled squawk.

“He fucking WHAT?!” He exclaimed, yanking himself back up, staring around the table at the equally startled Waynes.

Like they hadn’t spent the first part of the gala telling these people specifically that Vlad was a fucking mind controlling sociopath who was targeting their dad. What the hell.

Alfred raised an eyebrow very slowly at him, concern now creeping into his expression.

“He went to met Mr Masters in a private room for a late lunch, Mister Fenton. I am not aware of any other plans, but-”

And Danny was probably committing a cardinal fucking sin by interrupting him but he couldn’t hold in the groan, sinking down into the actual chair this time and thunking his head off the table.

Across the table, Tucker snickered at him.

“Let me guess. You forgot Vlad was still in town?” He asked, and Danny let out another utterly heartfelt groan.

“I forgot Vlad was still in town,” he whined as Jason stifled an entirely inappropriate bout of laughter.

There was one more important piece of business though, and Steph jumped straight to it.

“Wasn’t someone supposed to warn Bruce about Masters last night, so this couldn’t happen?” She asked in a low voice, leaning into the middle of the table.

Tim made a face, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I said I would, but… I got distracted…”

By beating his brains out against Amity Park’s ghostly firewalls apparently, and Danny did feel kinda bad for completely forgetting to mention that. In his defence, he hadn’t technically known that the Batcomputer was not ghost virus proof.

Should have guessed. Hadn’t known.

Tucker, who still had no idea about the vigilante thing, was quick to reassure Tim.

“You had a medical emergency, of course you were distracted,” he said quickly, patting the younger man carefully on the shoulder and glaring at the other assembled Wayne brood, “and any of them coulda mentioned it too!”

Dick raised a hand with a half smile that was mostly apology.

“Actually… Bruce went straight to Tim’s side after the gala. Think he stayed all night, but I never actually saw him. We coulda texted though,” he added sheepishly as the rest of the family made general noises of agreement.

Except Duke, who shrugged.

“I only learned about Masters when I met you guys this morning,” he pointed out, and Danny kinda doubted that but Duke had missed the original Masters debrief so he had the best excuse.

Alfred stepped closer to the table, and for the first time his presence actually registered as something other than the polite, nigh-unnoticeable model of efficiency.

Which probably meant he’d picked up on Danny’s super subtle hints that the situation was not fucking good. Good for him.

“And precisely what information was supposed to be shared with Master Bruce?” He asked, still politely, still calmly, but there’s a hint of warning that had most of the table stiffening up.

Tucker answered, giving Alfred an apologetic smile.

“Vlad Masters is a super creep and probably using his mind control powers to try and make Mr Wayne sign over everything he owns,” he explained easily, like it was nothing.

Harley’s eyes had widened, but she didn’t seem overly worried, just shouldered her bat again.

“So it’s also gonna be a rescue mission, huh? Vladdie a local boy or are they still gonna be in the same place?” She asked, the rest of the table tensing as one.

Because yeah. Next step was extract Bruce, and kick Vlad’s ass, and probably maybe try and get any contracts Bruce had signed in four hours? Which could now be anywhere.

Sighing heavily, Danny hauled himself to his feet. Feeling like a fucking idiot aside, he probably should have already left. He was pretty sure he knew where Chez Vous was?

“No, you guys stay put, I’ll go get him,” he said as cheerily as he could, cracking his neck.

Harley’s brows drew down in a frown and she prodded him with the bat.

“No offence kid, but ya look like a stiff breeze will flip ya over. You’re not going alone,” she told him firmly, and yeah, Danny could also feel Jason damn near vibrating from beside him.

Concern-worry-protect-coming too.

Putting a hand on the big guy’s shoulder before he could rise, Danny pushed just enough to keep him in his seat. Felt the moment of shock course through the much bigger man, and his grin became just a little more genuine.

“Sorry but if any of you come along, you’ll only make it harder for me to get Bruce back safely. Vlad’ll just take you guys over and make you fight me. I really wouldn’t worry too much though, he’s never actually beaten me,” he added with a reassuring smile.

Sam snorted a laugh, dropping into the empty seat beside Steph and crossing one leg over the other. Reassuring the Gothamites with her own complete lack of moving.

“Yeah, Danny’s been cleaning his clock since he was fourteen and it’s something like 700-5. You’d think he’d give up eventually,” she added, rolling her eyes.

Cuz yeah, Vlad might have gotten the upper hand through sneaky traps a bunch of times, but in a straight fight? Danny usually won, even before he had the power of the Infinite Realms at his back.

It wasn’t that all eyes turned to Harley. It was more that suddenly a bunch of them weren’t looking at her so pointedly they might as well have.

She regarded Danny and Sam a moment longer, then shrugged and dropped into the chair at the head of the table.

“Guess I’m stayin’ for dinner, or at least til Brucie’s back. And hey, it can be hard for folks ta come to terms with things like that. ‘Specially if they’re adults takin’ offence ta gettin’ their butt kicked by kids,” she added, a bright gleam in her eye.

Sam snickered, leaning back in her chair.

“Voice of experience?” She asked innocently and Harley tipped her a wink.

“Hell nah, you ever seen a Robin fight? ‘Sides, most of the folks who’ll shit a brick at bein’ beat by a kid get just as huffy at gettin’ beat by me,” Harley explained with a broad grin, flexing her own muscles.

It was just a little hilarious to see the differing reactions from the young vigilantes around the table.

Damian was still noticeably grumpy, though he almost felt more worried to Danny’s expert empathic eye. But then, his dad was in the lion’s den.

Dick and Tim looked like they were sharing an inside joke, and Danny had to figure they were the other Robins that went against Harley the most.

Steph, Cass, and Duke all looked decidedly self satisfied. Jason…

Jason was ignoring the rest of the table, still frowning up at Danny but not fighting his grip anymore.

“I should still come with you,” he argued like the rest of the conversation hadn’t happened, his voice low and urgent. And… yeah. Protection Obsession, 1000%.

And his Fright Knight now, fuck you very much Clockwork, but he was also not even fully formed. No way Danny was taking him to fight Vlad as his first ghost.

He gave Jason’s shoulder a quick squeeze, lowering his voice under the rest of the conversation.

“You’ll know if I need you, Jay, but Vlad used to be able to control me too. He’s not a great first run,” he explained softly.

Jason very clearly didn’t like it, brows drawing in even further, and Danny made his grin a little brighter by contrast. Brushed confidence-easy fight-be back soon across his aura.

“Besides, he’s more a sneaky fuck than an actual fighter. Not worth both of us heading out,” he tried, rolling his shoulders.

Jason raised an eyebrow, entirely unimpressed.

“By that logic it should be me going instead of you,” he pointed out, and Danny pouted. Fuck him for technical accuracy.

“Look, next time, okay?” He whispered, leaning in til his mouth was next to Jason’s ear. Tim was now watching them rather than Sam and Harley’s banter.

Perceptive little shit. But he wouldn’t catch shit if Danny covered his mouth to talk. For now, he had to persuade a cranky protective halfa not to go kick Vlad’s ass.

How the turntables and so on.

“Once you’ve got your powers in you can take him every time, alright?” He whispered, then leaned back and grinned at Jason. At least he wasn’t glaring anymore.

“I’ve got this. I’ll be fine,” he said as reassuringly as he could. And then. Pausing. “Uh… but I’ll probably… y’know. Do the thing to find him.”

Vlad couldn’t hide from Danny’s expanded aura, not without leaving this dimension. But that’d mean Jason also got another dose.

The understanding dawned across the big guy’s face, fell into a complicated expression. Finally he nodded stiffly.

“Fine. But leave it up so I know how it’s going?” He grumbled back, lips barely moving. Probably as a countermeasure for Nosy Little Brother.

Danny grinned and ruffled Jason’s hair, stepping away.

“Sure thing bud. I’ll be back with Bruce as soon as I can,” he said more loudly, more to the whole room, and let his aura flare out into the city until it touched Vlad’s.

Yeah, that beat trying to navigate the city from above for the second time ever.

A sudden absolutely awful impulse hit him, and his grin stretched just a little beyond what was humanly possible.

Why the fuck not? The reveal was gonna drop soon enough, Tuck and Sam already knew how much he wanted to show.

And most of the table were watching him.

Danny rolled his shoulders, cracked his neck, and had a brief moment of nostalgia. Because if he was being theatrical…

“I’m going ghost,” he called as loud as he could, letting the glowing rings of his transformation wash over him, changing him to Phantom in front of a table of gawking bats.

Then he jumped into the air and flew out of the manor through the wall, Sam and Tucker’s laughter ringing in his ears.

Now he just had to hope he could reach Bruce before Vlad did anything he couldn’t easily fix.

**

Tim was the first to speak. Other than the raucous laughter of the Amity Parkers the dining room had been dead silent since Danny’s… well, it was a transformation.

Reaching out blindly with his other hand, Tim caught Duke’s arm.

“You saw that, right?” He asked, his voice a little hoarse.

Duke nodded slowly, still staring at the wall Danny had just disappeared through.

“Not that I know what the fuck it was… but yeah…”

Because… yeah. They’d known Danny was some kind of meta at this point. Guy really wasn’t trying to hide it. But that was…

“What, you ain’t seen that before?” Harley asked from the head of the table, her voice filled with a sudden glee.

Across the table Jason snickered, and Tim’s attention zeroed back in on him.

He’d known. He’d stiffened up before Danny had transformed, still hadn’t fully relaxed and Tim could guess why. Whatever he’d told Danny to “leave up”.

It didn’t look like he was in pain, more like he’d braced himself for something that hadn’t fully happened yet. But since apparently all secrets were just on the table now…

Tim turned to Tucker.

“What the fuck was that?” He asked, and Tucker sighed happily, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.

“An overdramatic little fuck?” Sam offered from the other side of the table, also still grinning. Tucker wheezed loudly, slumping back in his chair.

Tim shifted his attention to Sam instead, giving up on Tucker for now. To be fair, he was kinda surprised Jason wasn’t also laughing at them.

It must have made a comical scene.

“Obviously. But that… going ghost? What did he mean?” He pressed, leaning in across the table but not lowering his voice.

Sam and Tucker exchanged thoughtful looks, Tucker’s laughter fading to giggles as they clearly weighed their answers. Then Sam leaned in too, folding her arms on the table and leaning over them.

“How much were you actually able to look up about Amity Park?” She asked, and the rest of the table leaned in to listen.

Even Harley, thoroughly devoid of context, kept quiet for a change. She could smell a good story when she heard one.

And as much as it pained him to admit…

“Nothing at all,” Tim confessed with a brief shake of his head, eyes narrowed. “I couldn’t even find the weather account you showed us.”

Beside him Tucker took another deep, fortifying breath and steadied himself in his seat.

“Yeah… warned you about that. Any tech not actually from Amity needs a baseline level of ecto before it can get through the firewalls,” he explained, and as glad as Tim was to have him back in the conversation…

“But that isn’t how firewalls work,” he protested, knowing full well the other boy knew, “Facebook doesn’t have a separate server or separate firewalls for some small town in Illinois versus the larger world, and even if it has something to do with the IP…”

Tucker raised both hands quickly and Tim subsided, a little relieved to have been cut off. The frustration from last night was building again, and he really didn’t want to deal with that right now.

“Okay, you’re definitely right almost all of the time, but Amity Park’s is… different,” Tucker explained quickly, glancing around the table and almost immediately focusing his full attention back on Tim.

Dismissing the others as below the level needed to understand the conversation, or assuming they’d keep up on their own? They all could, none of the bats were slouches on cyber security, and the distinction didn’t matter to Tim.

Yet.

They were also probably all a little below Tucker’s own technical proficiency, from everything Tim had seen (and Steph and Cass’s admitted failure to break his server encryption).

(Oracle still hadn’t broken the same server.)

Tim nodded anyway, not willing to talk and slow the explanation any further.

They could have been doing this more than twelve damn hours ago.

“Firewall isn’t exactly the right term for it either, but about five years ago… well, we decided the rest of the world couldn’t know about a lot of things that happen in Amity Park. It wouldn’t be safe,” Tucker added, watching Tim’s face carefully.

He looked almost guilty. Like he could guess how much frustration this had caused Tim. Hell, if Danny knew their identities then Tucker, his guy in the chair almost certainly did too.

And since they weren’t pretending to all be civilians anymore…

“The GIW were already censoring the hell out of us,” Tucker continued, rolling his eyes, “it was actually really annoying. They actually did the IP thing, but you could VPN around that. But we didn’t want the rest of the world, other governments to come to the same bullshit conclusions about ghosts and keep causing trouble.”

“Ghosts like Danny,” Duke cut in, not a trace of doubt in his voice.

Tucker glanced past Tim for a moment and nodded.

“Pretty much, but Danny’s a special case. Most ghosts can’t actually do the magical girl transformation,” he added with a snicker, and Sam rolled her eyes, tapping the table for attention.

“What Tucker’s dancing around telling you is that what we call the Amity Park firewall is basically alive. It has nothing to do with IP addresses or any regular tech shit because it runs on ectoplasm.”

“It’s not actually alive,” Tucker cut back in with an exasperated huff, “it’s just something I came up with with some help from Technus. He’s the spirit of technology so he can possess computers, not people, and together we made a safety net.”

“All of Amity Park is saturated in natural ectoplasm,” Sam explained, ignoring Tucker’s pointed glare, “so now whenever someone’s trying to connect online to anything based in an Amity Park server, our ecto looks for your ecto in whatever device you have. No ecto, no data.”

“It’s not that simple,” Tucker whined, like this wasn’t already a level of complexity that made Tim’s head spin.

But it was the spinning that triggered an almost ignored memory.

“Ecto… that’s what Danny nearly said last night, when he was talking about the Lazarus Pits,” he said with a sudden sharp frown, attention jumping between the Amity Parkers and onto Jason.

Who shrugged. Like this wasn’t news. How the fuck had he even met Danny in the first place?

“Show of hands, who here’s surprised that the pit waters actually come from the land of the dead?” Jason asked dryly, gaze sweeping along the table.

Tim’s attention flashed directly to Damian and then Cass, the two of them sat on a full diagonal from each other. They were the closest thing the family had to experts.

Neither looked surprised, although Damian’s eyes were narrowed. New information then, and likely something he’d be looking more into. Cass just looked thoughtful.

Harley’s hand was up though, and the table gradually turned to its gravity. She shrugged.

“Had a bet with Ives that it was super tainted kool-aid. Not that we know much about it,” she added with a shrug, and Jason snickered.

“You’re half right anyway,” he told her and the raised hand was replaced by a pair of fists pumping into the air, but silently for once.

Even Harley wasn’t gonna interrupt a lore dump.

Jason returned his attention to Tim.

“Apparently the pits are made of contaminated ectoplasm. Super tainted,” he nodded to Harley, “because the regular stuff? Doesn’t bubble, doesn’t burn, and doesn’t kill people who touch it.”

Tim’s eyes narrowed for a moment, looking Jason over, hunting any trace of a lie. He’d made himself an expert on Jason’s features, on what every micro-expression might possibly mean.

Jason was a damn good liar, but Tim knew every tell that meant he spoke the truth.

Still, he glanced from Jason to Cass, sat on Jason’s other side. The Asian girl raised an eyebrow at him, then nodded.

Human lie detector confirmed. Good to know. Even if she was rolling her eyes at him for checking.

Duke leaned in further, half his body now hovering above the table as he grinned at Jason.

“So does that mean you’ve got ectoplasm in you, if you still have the pit rage?” He asked, which didn’t really seem like something to smile about.

Although not exactly worse than the idea of Jason just still having the pit in his veins. At least Jason didn’t seem to be really bothered by it.

He just shrugged.

“I guess so?” He offered suspiciously, his face still carefully neutral as he watched Duke. Whose grin broadened.

“So does that mean if you look up stuff on Amity Park you’ll get through?” He asked innocently. Jason rolled his eyes.

“I’m not a phone, Duke,” he said dryly, and Tucker snickered.

“It’s actually kinda funny you say that, cuz Danny’s been sucked into video games before,” Tucker said innocently, giving Jason a sidelong look.

Which… raised a couple of questions, since Jason didn’t seem embarrassed by it. Tim’s eyes narrowed for a moment.

“Is that something that could happen to Jason?” He asked cautiously, and for some reason Tucker actually laughed.

“Oh, it’s something that could happen to anyone,” he said sounding very smug, and Tim tore his attention off Jason to stare at Tucker, wondering what the hell he was thinking.

Tucker just grinned back and Tim’s best guess… well, it couldn’t have been a bad experience. It had definitely afforded him the full attention of everyone at the table.

Harley stuck a hand in the air again.

“Okay, I know I ain’t one o’ the kids, but I’m gonna need to know a whole lot more about that,” she declared, and Tucker laughed, shaking his head.

“Another time? I gotta get back to get ready for school early tomorrow at the latest but if you wanted to hang out again…” he trailed off hopefully, his attention slipping from Harley back to Tim.

Tim was not going to blush. This was a chance to gather more intel in future. And just hang out with a friend! There was nothing more to it than that.

He chuckled softly and nodded, settling back into his seat.

“Yeah, I think it’s safe to say we’ll see each other again,” he agreed, and definitely didn’t enjoy the way Tucker beamed at him.

Given their reactions, he probably did some kind of tech support while Danny… Danny was probably the ghost who’d protected Amity Park.

Had they always known who Jason and his family were? Tim knew he should reserve judgement until he could find an unbiased source and work out what had actually happened in Amity Park, but…

Well, it wasn’t like the Amity Parkers were hostile. There was always the chance it could be a long con, but Tim didn’t think so. They’d given too much away.

For now, it seemed safest to assume that they were fellow vigilantes, and were at least as aware of their identities as Danny. Tucker might even have been the one to work it out.

And if Tucker could solve their technical problems and give them open access to Amity Park, Tim could take that and confirm his theories.

If they had something to hide, Tim should be able to work out at least where to look based on what Tucker gave him.

“We’ve gotta wait for Danny to get back for him to infuse your tech, buuuut I can get you started on the data download if you can hook me into your set up,” Tucker said with an almost seductive smile.

Or maybe Tim thought it was seductive because it came with an offer of increased tech. And sure, he wasn’t hooking a stranger straight up to the Batcomputer, but…

Well, that’s what the fully isolated laptops were for. And Tim could bring one of those up from the cave, but… well, the Amity Parkers showed trust first. And they really had less reason to.

They’d been abandoned by the Justice League, and apparently personally picking up that slack. The least Tim wanted to do was promise them that it hadn’t been malicious; they really hadn’t known.

And to promise that he personally was going to find out how this had happened, and make sure it wouldn’t happen again. Last night wasn’t going to be in vain.

He’d ask the others about it, but as things stood right now, Tim would really like to see Tucker get a proper look at the Bat Cave.

**

Vlad was a little surprised to find he’d been having an absolutely charming afternoon with one Brucie Wayne.

He hadn’t expected to actually like the man, but one on one he had a kind of self effacing charm that Vlad rather appreciated. Far more tolerable than most of the arrogant rich bastards he had to deal with.

He had been so very interested in the running of Amity Park too, in the challenges of being a mayor and a business owner, and so few people really appreciated the struggle.

Of course, Vlad wasn’t going to out any of Daniel’s little secrets. It wouldn’t do to upset the boy more while he was trying to mend fences.

Even if he had left Vlad to the mercy of some hapless buffoons and the criminals they were chasing the night before.

So he kept it light, to issues like road maintenance, funding local fixtures like the library and the schools, things he thought Brucie had a chance of understanding.

Brucie had also noticed that their boys were becoming… close.

Well, it would be almost impossible for him not to have. And it was only natural that Brucie wanted to know more about the boy getting close to his son.

It was almost a little strange how easy it was to speak well of Daniel. For so long Vlad had been fixated on his inadequacies, on all the things he could fix if Daniel would just accept his help.

On wanting to mould Daniel into someone like himself. He hadn’t really considered that Daniel… might not want to be like him.

Vlad was rich, successful, on top of the world by every modern marker, but he was also alone. He had no one and nothing that he would call his own, that he could leave his fortune to.

Of course, as a half ghost it wasn’t like he was actually going to die, but not having a successor was part of what tugged at his core.

And Daniel… Daniel was much better at bringing people close than Vlad. He had dear friends, and easily found himself with new ones. Daniel was likeable, and Vlad had to admit that he himself… wasn’t.

People cozied up and tried to bribe Vlad, but perhaps it was the very things he’d seen as weaknesses in Daniel that made them actually like the boy.

So he focused on those instead, the qualities that had always baffled and confused him. The loyalty, the trust, everything he’d once tried to use to tear Daniel down.

And utterly failed at every turn. After so many years, yes, Vlad had detected the pattern. It was just so hard to keep from falling into it.

So when he felt Daniel’s aura wash out and across him, wary but amused on top of the aggression, he startled just a little. Made sure to obviously check his phone, and gasped when he saw the time.

It was obvious what must have happened.

“Oh my, Brucie, did you have another appointment today?” He asked in only mildly faked surprise, concealing his amusement expertly. “Dear Daniel has just contacted me, it seems you’ve been missed.”

Daniel likely thought Vlad was up to the kind of nefarious schemes that he… well, had come to Gotham to commit, in all honesty. But obviously those plans had changed with his little badger’s personal interest.

Perhaps he should have told Daniel that? Ah well, the boy would learn soon enough. He settled back in his seat, letting his aura broadcast his intent.

Calm-welcome-nothing to hide.

Felt Daniel’s disbelief, but that was fine. It was the truth.

Brucie visibly startled as well, taking his own phone out to check the time. Probably wondering why his own brood weren’t contacting him if he’d been missed so much.

“Oh… yes, I’m terribly sorry, I think Danny must have been invited to our family dinner, which I’m late to,” Brucie added with that lovely self effacing smile, shrugging. “I must have put my phone on vibrate. I’ll just tell them to start without me.”

Or his children didn’t expect him to check it, apparently with reason.

Vlad clapped his hands together and rubbed them a few times.

“Well, no matter. I do believe Danny is on his way to retrieve you, so we’d best wait where we are. I will pick up the bill, of course.”

They’d had the private room in the restaurant for around four hours now, which wouldn’t come cheap, but Vlad could be generous. Especially if Daniel expected him not to be.

Brucie made the usual noises of gratitude and appreciation, and mild confusion. Well, that would be answered by whether or not Daniel bothered to transform back before bursting in.

Either way, it wouldn’t be Vlad’s choice to reveal his little secret.

“I have my car with me, but if Danny’s on his way here…” Brucie trailed off, glancing to the window with a perplexed frown on that handsome face.

Whoever dealt with the man’s wrinkles for the cameras would be very upset, but Vlad got the feeling Brucie could afford the best. He had such an expressive face, and yet nothing was ever out of place.

Almost as good as ectoplasm for keeping one young.

He was probably wondering why Daniel was coming instead of one of his own children, and while Vlad could come up with an excuse about needing to see the boy anyway… well, he was bursting in on a very pleasant afternoon.

Vlad wanted to mend fences, not solve all the boy’s self inflicted problems.

Still, he gave Brucie a smile, touching the pad that would summon them a server again.

“Oh, you and Daniel can take the car I’m sure. He’ll just be here to make sure I’m behaving myself,” he added with a wry chuckle, settling back in his seat.

Something very much like alertness flicked across Brucie’s face, and Vlad could feel a flicker of suspicion for the first time from the other man.

Well, Vlad had baited him.

He certainly wasn’t as empathetic as Daniel, but he liked to keep an eye on his company, and this was the first trace of something more that he’d gotten from the man.

He waved a hand cheerfully, chuckling. The man likely had links to his city’s precious Bat and all his opinions on those more than just human. Best allay those concerns even if he was leaving.

“I have been known to talk peoples’ ears off if I get onto a subject like football, and four hours is surely long enough for him to suspect I’ve roped you into watching a game. Though if you did want to attend…” he let himself trail off, watched the man’s shoulders settle as he laughed.

“Oh, I’m not much of a sports fan myself, but I try to keep up with the Gotham teams when I can.”

The female teams at least, according to the tabloids, but Vlad wouldn’t judge. Much.

Brucie gave him that charming smile again, settling as well as the server came in and once again refilled their drinks.

“I didn’t realise Amity Park had their own teams in a league, though,” Brucie added with that softly furrowed brow. Like thought was such a strain for the man.

Vlad gave the server a quick smile and inclined his head.

“I will take the bill now, I believe we’re ready to go. And we don’t have our own teams in any of the major leagues,” he explained indulgently to Brucie, lips quirking up at the very thought.

Imagine trying to play a home game in Amity Park. It was hard enough getting the school teams out to their rivals.

And it gave him a chance to talk about his secondary Obsession.

“No, I have ownership of the Green Bay Packers, back home in Wisconsin. I really must warn you to stop there if you don’t want their full stats for the last four seasons or worse,” Vlad teased with a soft chuckle, taking a sip of his water.

Both of Brucie’s eyebrows rose and the man smiled back, settling into his seat.

“Well, Danny will be here soon to cut you off anyway,” he commented, that charming smile looking far too comfortable on him.

And he did have a point. Giving him a nod of acknowledgement, Vlad relaxed and let the gentle sea of Obsession take him, enthusiasm ramping up with every word he spoke.

It was nice to have permission for a change.

**

Despite his cheerful words, Danny couldn’t help but tense as he flew across the city. He’d make it within minutes, way faster than anyone trying to actually use Gotham’s streets, but…

Vlad had had Bruce for hours already. Danny was gonna hope that whatever he was doing, it was just more of his shady businessman bullshit.

He really, really, really didn’t want to fight overshadowed Batman.

Of course, remembering the looks on the flying furry brigade’s faces gave him a definite boost in mood. He didn’t actually wanna show up at Vlad’s giggling, buuut that was a problem for future Danny.

Present Danny was busy specifically not worrying so that he didn’t worry Jason into coming after him. Maybe telling the guy about Vlad’s lightning juice hadn’t been a great idea?

Of course, the good thing about the expanded aura was that he could still feel Jason’s like they were right next to each other.

And who’d have thought Jason was also a fucking mother hen? Poor guy was still tense, although at least Danny could still feel just a little amusement.

Yeah, Jason was getting to enjoy the full fruits of Danny’s theatrics. It wasn’t fair, but it made the whole thing better. Gave him something to keep his mind off Danny.

As if on cue, a strong spike of incredulous-funny-what the fuck came from his favourite non-clone halfa.

Danny was nearly at the restaurant now, and paused just above to send a questioning pulse back. Felt Jason startle, and could almost see him roll his eyes.

Later-come back-done?

The fuck were they talking about? Maybe the bats were right to always have their own little comms in. Danny sent a reassuring wave back.

Soon-anticipation-just arrived-curious.

And yes, Danny did expect the caution-stay safe-coming after you that he got back, but he wasn’t sure Jason would get the full effect of him actually rolling his eyes.

One last check for Vlad’s aura and Danny turned invisible, phasing through the roof and walls to have a look around.

Vlad was alone in a private room, with nothing but some glasses of water and a mostly empty bottle of wine. Alright, food was probably over a while ago, but the water might be a good sign.

Vlad wasn’t known to take care of the people he overshadowed.

Danny did a quick search of the rest of the building, stopping just shy of accidentally sticking his head through a bathroom wall when he felt a familiar presence.

Yup, Bruce was in the bathroom. Probably not overshadowed, which might just mean that Vlad was finished with him.

Not taking the risk, Danny made his way stealthily back to the private room, popping into visibility behind Vlad’s seat.

At least his aura being everywhere made it hard for Vlad to get a fix.

“What, did I not pay you enough attention last night, Vladdie?” He complained, draping an arm across the back of the man’s chair and noting the way he stiffened.

Also, these chairs? Much more pretentious. All carved and ornamental and bleh. Nowhere near as good as the ones at Wayne Manor.

Vlad didn’t actually turn to face him, reaching out and picking up his water glass instead. Filling his hands, so it’d be harder for him to take a shot at Danny?

Or just Vlad being Vlad and dismissing him.

Vlad took a long, slow sip before replying.

“While I would have preferred more of a chance to speak with you, Daniel, my presence here is solely to your benefit I assure you,” he said cool as a cucumber.

Danny narrowed his eyes, giving another poke of his aura. It didn’t feel like a lie.

“How so? Gonna rob Brucie blind and give it to the poor? I guess green also works for Robin Hood,” Danny mused, fingers drumming on the back of the chair.

Vlad actually looked at him then, a sharp sidelong glance before the man relaxed again, chuckling softly.

“Nothing of the sort. But if you and young Jason are going to be closely… connected, I will be seeing much more of Brucie, and I thought perhaps I could help lighten the… impression you left.”

Wait.

Was Vlad blushing?

Danny peered forward for a better look, utterly at a loss for what connection Vlad might be talking about. Cuz yeah, he and Jason were friends, but…

Oh.

Oh!

Vlad bought the closet scene.

Somehow that outcome had never even occurred to Danny and he felt himself flush, cheeks going green. Fuck, the goal had been to cause a scene, but Vlad actually thought…

Wait.

“So you’ve been here trying to convince Bruce I’m not an evil harlot corrupting his boy?” Danny asked, barely concealed glee rising with every word.

Because if this was funny, if this was fucking hilarious, he didn’t have to be embarrassed by it. Vlad didn’t need to know shit about his actual sex life, but if he’d actually called Bruce to try and polish up Danny’s new slutty reputation…

Vlad cleared his throat pointedly, still not looking directly at him.

“And luckily for you, he is somewhat willing to believe you have some good traits,” he said archly, and that fucking floored Danny.

“YOU think I have good traits?” He asked incredulously, cutting off whatever Vlad was about to say.

The man even took it pretty well, just one of those loud sighs like Danny was a particularly tiresome child, not a full grown adult man.

“I understand where you might have got the impression I don’t, Daniel, but if I thought you had none would I have pursued you so harshly?” He asked, finally turning in his chair to face Danny frankly.

Which meant he got both barrels of the sceptical face Danny was making.

“Dude, you say that like Obsessions are fucking logical,” Danny said dryly, and Vlad actually chuckled.

Not even condescendingly.

Like Danny made a point.

“Quite. Unfortunately for myself, the effects of my Obsession went into how I planned to achieve it, not in the goal itself. You have always been a remarkable young man, Daniel.”

And that was at least familiar ground.

Danny rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, and I’d be even more if I let you lure me off to your creepy castle in Wisconsin to become mini-Vlad. Brucie can’t ship me to Wisconsin,” he pointed out, just about resisting the urge to poke Vlad in the chest.

The old guy was being weirdly noncombative, but it had been a while since they saw each other. Actual years, which Danny couldn’t imagine would have been good for the other halfa.

Much as it sucked being someone else’s Obsession and he’d loved being free of the Fruitloop… he wouldn’t wish the ache of an unfulfilled Obsession on anyone.

Fuck did that mean Vlad had actually moved on? Was that something he could do? Please let it be something he could do.

The older halfa chuckled again and took another sip of his water.

“No, I’m well aware that he can’t. But our time apart gave me little to do but consider what I know of you. You have grown to a fine young man, Daniel, perhaps with all that I have ever lacked.”

He looked up again, their eyes meeting, and Danny very nearly recoiled. Almost stepped back and away from the other halfa’s aura so that he couldn’t feel Vlad’s pride seeping into his skin like grease.

“Okay, this is getting fucking weird. Do I have to kick your ass to get whatever contracts you made Bruce sign back?” He asked sharply, trying to get the conversation back to somewhere he understood it.

Vlad hesitated a moment, then settled back again, clearly reading Danny’s discomfort in his aura if not on his face because the pride settled away.

Back in Wayne Manor, Danny felt Jason keying up, the slow growing happiness cutting straight back to danger-warning-protect-need help?.

Danny forced himself to calm too, closing his eyes for a moment to focus on the feel of Jason, not Vlad.

He just.

He didn’t know what to do with Vlad being proud of him. That had only ever meant he’d fucked up somewhere horrible before.

Calm-safe-I’m safe-not hurt.

“Still in contact with young Jason?” Vlad asked, letting the subject change even if he didn’t answer Danny’s question.

Danny cracked an eye open to peer at him.

“Yeah, he wasn’t a fan of me coming to see you on my own. Not to pick up his dad,” he added before Vlad could get the wrong idea.

Actually. It was still kinda funnier if Vlad kept the wrong idea.

From what Danny could read of him, no worries about that. Vlad was amused, but not comfortable.

Yeah, well, he could join the club. Danny gave his shoulder a gentle poke.

“Anyway. What did you really want Bruce for?”

Vlad glanced at his watch, then at the door.

“Well he’ll be back any second to tell you himself, Daniel. I wasn’t sure if you’d shared this little secret yet so I didn’t mention any of our shared nature, but he was the one to invite me out.”

Which also felt like the truth. Both parts. Danny hesitated for a moment, not quite sure if he was ready for this particular secret to be out to the Batman.

It’d be out the second the man got home if no one had texted him yet, but that was a long car ride away unless Danny flew back, and he didn’t want to leave Bruce unsupervised again.

Just because Vlad was being weird didn’t mean he wasn’t being Vlad.

Still, he’d know if Bruce was overshadowed right away, and if he wasn’t he could ask the man himself what Vlad had been up to.

And Vlad was in human form. Not like he could transform any faster than Danny if shit was about to go down.

The decision pretty much took itself out of his hands when the door began to open and Danny jumped back out of grabbing reach (just in case) and changed back.

Which was when he remembered what he was wearing.

**

Lunch with Vlad Masters had been… informative, and Bruce was a little surprised just how much time had passed.

Masters might be an unscrupulous businessman but he was clearly devoted to the things he cared for; Daniel Fenton, Amity Park, and the Green Bay Packers.

He just couldn’t quite reconcile how those three pieces fit into the picture at hand. To hear Vlad tell it, nothing untoward had happened in Amity Park in his whole time as mayor. And yet… the calls were real.

Even if Masters hadn’t hit the button personally, someone in his office must have.

Was there a chance that Danny had some sort of mind control abilities? That he’d removed the memories of those in Amity Park who’d opposed him?

It would explain why Masters would so fervently champion a boy he’d had almost nothing to do with. Oh, Danny Fenton had been born to two of Masters’ college friends, but they hadn’t seen each other for years before Danny’s birth.

As far as Bruce could tell the two had never even met before Danny was at least fourteen; Vlad had lived in an actual castle in Wisconsin and been a regular on the gala circuit for his area.

Friend of the family or not, it was suspicious that the only adults he’d spoken to so far had such diametrically opposed views on Danny.

Vlad was obviously hiding something. About Amity Park, Bruce was completely certain. The man’s accounts simply did not add up with the evidence. About Danny…

Bruce had his suspicions, but there was very little clear evidence about the man himself. Danny was technically an unknown quantity. And the center of far too many mysteries for Bruce’s peace of mind.

Bruce slipped away to the bathroom to let his thoughts settle not too long into Vlad’s lecture on the history of the Packers.

If Danny was coming from the manor they had a while yet before he’d be there, so he could let Vlad ramble on for a while once he returned.

His cheeks hurt from keeping up Brucie’s smile, but that was nothing new. The gala last night was still weighing on him, but it made it easier to put the act back on.

If Danny was coming here, and would accompany Bruce back to the manor, they would have a while to talk in the traffic. Finally a chance to speak to the man himself and let Bruce get an unbiased read.

Something had happened before Vlad claimed to have received a message from Danny. Something that made him start, and while it could have been the man’s phone, Bruce doubted it.

Even silent vibrations actually made some sound, and Vlad had barely glanced at the device. Not long enough to read any kind of complicated message; he hadn’t even unlocked it.

Vlad must have thought he was hiding it, but he’d been amused by whatever happened. Amused, and known immediately it was Danny. That Danny was coming.

Whatever else he might be, Vlad was certainly not a particularly skilled liar. Not to Batman.

Washing his hands, Bruce wondered if he might not be able to get Vlad back onto the subject of how Danny would be coming.

On his own, or at least Vlad hadn’t mentioned anyone else. And using Bruce’s car to get back? There were hardly bus routes between the manor and the city.

Unless Danny had some kind of meta abilities. Damian’s report had included his suspicions, and Duke and Dick had both seen him fly away.

That would put him here sooner than expected, but Bruce was certain he’d have noticed a flying meta in his city. Unless Danny only flew for certain situations.

Bruce paused at the door to their private room for half a second, letting his Brucie mask settle comfortably into place. Letting the smile spread. And pushed the door open.

Something bright flashed inside and Bruce tensed, anticipating a trap. One he would have no choice but to fall into, as he was now. But as the door cleared, he saw…

Vlad at the table, just as Bruce had left him. And Danny Fenton settling like he’d just moved sharply, wide blue eyes and messy hair above a shirt that was far too large for him tied off at his waist, and.

And.

Impractical for the weather. The trousers were closer to the right size, but arms and feet were bare, along with a slice of midriff.

Completely dry. It was still snowing, and the streets were covered in snow and slush. There was a slim chance he’d left a coat somewhere, but even his hair was dry.

Windswept and dishevelled hair, suggesting flight. His boys were right, and Bruce made a note to check in with Oracle later. See if he had been detected in the air.

Startled by his presence. Likely not because he didn’t expect Bruce to be there, not if he’d come expressly to pick him up. More that he’d been distracted by whatever had him moving so sharply.

Staring at him.

And then there was nothing else to observe, except…

Wearing one of Jason’s shirts. One that Dick had given him as a joke. It hung off him, exacerbating their size difference.

Danny was small. Closer to Cass’s size, and this close up Bruce could see the lean muscle, but there wasn’t much of it.

In pure hand to hand Bruce could probably take him, but whatever abilities let him tank a fight with Killer Croc left the actual outcome an unknown.

Blinking hard to distract himself from just how and why Danny had managed to show up in Jason’s clothes, he pulled on his big happy Brucie smile for the room.

And suddenly Vlad was incensed.

Bruce would swear the man had been smiling when he opened the door, but at some point while Bruce gave Danny a quick once over his mood had turned to rage.

He smothered it down quickly, but his jaw was still tight when he spoke through gritted teeth.

“Daniel, I believe this is the first time you have met Brucie,” Vlad said, his tone so frosty Bruce nearly shivered.

Not controlled by Danny then. At least, not controlled in a way that made him deferential. Not unless this was a slip in Danny’s control.

The boy looked startled still, looking down at himself like he’d forgotten what he was wearing and giving Bruce a sheepish smile.

Honestly he could have been wearing the world’s finest suit and not allayed any of Bruce’s suspicions, but it wasn’t Brucie’s job to let that show.

Instead he cranked the smile up a couple more notches, stepping forward and holding out a hand to shake.

“Yes, Danny, my kids simply won’t stop talking about you! I was sorry I couldn’t say hello last night,” he added, wanting to see how Danny would react to a little dig.

Nothing he couldn’t deny as being purely sincere.

Danny made a face and then pulled a smile on over it, stepping forward quickly to shake Bruce’s hand.

Some people only needed touch to take control of another. Bruce felt nothing of the sort, but Danny’s hand was oddly cool. Not unaffected by his clothing then.

“Yeah… sorry about that. About… well, all of it,” Danny said with a sheepish smile and one shoulder shrug that nearly had the shirt’s overlarge neckline fall off his other shoulder.

He scrabbled to right it, and Bruce firmly stifled the impulse to relax.

It was familiar, something any of his kids might have done. It could easily be an act to lure him into a false calm.

Brucie laughed and clapped him on the other shoulder, keeping half an eye on Vlad, who was still stewing at the table.

“Oh, I certainly got up to much worse in my day. You’re only young once, right?” He offered jovially, tipping Danny a playboy wink.

The boy blushed to the roots of his hair.

Interesting.

As much as Bruce wanted to pull at Vlad a little more, try and work out his sudden change of mood, he would much rather begin his observations of Danny Fenton directly.

“Still, we should get going or we’ll miss all of dinner,” he said with a cheerful smile, nodding to Vlad. “Thanks for a lovely afternoon, Vlad! Maybe we’ll catch a football game before the season ends.”

The man’s disposition brightened like he’d flicked a switch, though he still shot Danny an almost smug dirty look.

“Oh, that would be charming, Brucie. I’ll get you tickets for the Packers’ next game, we’ll have a splendid time.”

Danny snickered beside him, shoving his hands in his pockets and grinning back. Not afraid of Vlad either, for all that the other man was older, richer, and more influential.

“Yeah, Vladdie here knows aaaall about packers,” he said with a sly smirk, looking down on Vlad from his standing position.

Vlad responded with a look that Bruce had previously only seen on Clark’s face, around when Dick started teaching Kon sex jokes. And in the mirror.

Steph called it the “your puberty was my death sentence” look and insisted every one of the mentors used it. Bruce personally wasn’t convinced Oliver Queen knew what shame meant.

He’d abandoned his son. Bruce would never forgive that until Roy asked him to.

Perhaps he did have more in common with Vlad than he’d thought though. Watching the children get old enough for innuendo sucked.

Luckily Brucie could pretend not to get it.

“I know, he was telling me all about their recent games before you arrived,” he said cheerfully, oblivious as anything. And watched how both responded to innocence.

Vlad still looked pained, possibly by the pair of them now. Danny… Danny was smirking, clearly not convinced.

That was concerning. The boy knew who Nightwing and Signal were, there was a chance he knew Bruce’s identity too and this at least pointed in the same direction.

Still, no need to confirm anything for him. With another cheery wave to Vlad he held the door open for Danny.

“So, shall we? Would you like to take my car or do you have your own way back?” He asked, subtly prodding to see what Danny might say. And perhaps a hint how he’d gotten there.

Danny hesitated for a moment, glancing at Vlad. Like there was something between them, something to do with him.

Yes, Bruce would have to meet with Vlad Masters again in future. After he’d gotten to speak to Danny.

“I’ll come back with you,” Danny said with a shrug, nodding towards the door and then moving through it at Bruce’s wave.

He kept half an eye on the boy as they headed down to the restaurant’s garage and the sleek black car Bruce had driven over.

It’d be at least twenty minutes to drive back to the manor at this hour, maybe longer. Time enough for a short interrogation.

“I already messaged the others and told them to get started without us, I hope you don’t mind,” he said in his best charming Brucie voice, beeping the car to unlock it.

Danny shrugged, moving around to the passenger door, apparently entirely unbothered by bare feet on freezing concrete. Bruce almost wished he had some spare shoes for him.

“Yeah, it’s cool. I figured. So, any idea how long it’ll be to get back?” He asked, slipping into the car and sitting cross legged on the front seat.

Bruce followed suit, turning on the car and then the heat right away. Doing what he could.

“Probably not more than twenty minutes. Your seat is heated too by the way, here. You made it down very quickly, were you in the area?” Bruce asked, watching Danny from the corner of his eye as he strapped in.

Would Danny just tell him?

He’d not been hiding from the boys. If he really didn’t think this had to be a secret, he could just tell Bruce.

Danny shrugged again, opened his mouth, and Bruce’s phone rang, cutting him off.

His phone should be on silent. Bruce gave Danny an apologetic smile, pulling it out and planning to push the caller to voice mail. Wondering if he might have turned the ringer back on without meaning to. Or if Oracle had pushed through.

There was no one else he needed to talk to more than Danny right now.

Of course the universe would mock him for that thought.

The caller ID blinked accusingly up at him from the lock screen.

John fucking Constantine.

Bruce hesitated for a moment. Torn. The mystery or the responsibility?

Any other member of the Justice League would be ranked as a more reliable source of information than a possible suspect, but after the night Bruce had had? After what he’d learned?

The problems in Amity Park may have begun or ended with Danny Fenton, but the problems in the Justice League traced neatly back to John Constantine.

When it came down to it, Bruce knew he had a responsibility.

He gave Danny another, more apologetic smile.

“So sorry… do you mind if I take this quickly?” He asked, holding the phone carefully so Danny couldn’t see the screen.

The boy’s face cracked into a grin and he shrugged a third time, getting comfy in the expensive leather seat.

“Hey, if you keep one eye on the road you’ll be the safest driver I’ve ever ridden with. You don’t wanna be too late though, you’ve got another extra guest for dinner and she seemed real impatient,” he said with a slight smile, turning on his heated seat.

About to get out of the car, Bruce paused again.

“Oh? Who was that?” He asked half rhetorically, already listing the women in his life who could possibly make this situation worse.

Top of the list…

“Harley Quinn.”

Of course.

What did she want now?

Bruce forced himself not to think about it, swinging up and out of the car and holding the phone to his ear.

One disaster at a time. No matter how many the universe was piling in his lap after nearly a month of nothing. He’d known it was too good to be true.

At least the garage was empty, and the car soundproofed. Danny wouldn’t hear a thing.

“Constantine. How did you get this number?”

**

In a secluded corner of the House of Mystery everyone’s favourite magical scapegoat stubbed out a cigarette and reclined back in his seat.

“Oh, is this not fun when people do it to you? And here’s me thinkin’ barging into other peoples’ business was how you lot showed affection,” he said dryly, fingers tapping off the glowing purple ward scrawled on the phone case.

Phone numbers were for plebs.

He could fuckin’ hear Bats grinding his teeth through the phone. And yeah, maybe winding him up further wasn’t the best idea, but fuck it.

If John had good ideas, he’d never have given the fucking Justice League his contact info. Case in point.

Winding up the big Bat was the price they all had to pay for royally pissing him off all fuckin’ night and all fuckin’ day.

Kept an impressive handle on the growl though. Must have been somewhere semi-private.

“Constantine. You’ve been out of touch for more than eighteen hours and there is a serious-”

John cut him off, waving his cigarette around as if he could shush the man from here.

“Oh no no, big boy, you’re not fuckin’ blaming that on me. You’re the one fucking up all my communicators, and you’re going to fuckin’ stop. Now.”

And yeah, maybe he did enjoy the very tiniest inhale of surprise he could hear. Or was that Batsy counting to ten?

“What do you mean.” The trademarked growl was definitely creeping in, private place or not. Well, good. John being too annoying to kill was what kept him alive.

Better spell it out for the fucker though.

“I’m a fuckin’ magician, Batlad. On a couple of Hell’s most fuckin’ wanted lists. I can’t be fuckin’ found by people fuckin’ wishing me fuckin’ harm, and let me tell you how goddamn delighted I am to learn that that now includes you!”

All he’d wanted to do today was drop off some results for the junior spandex brigade about some of the glyphs and wards they’d found at a dig.

Just trying to stop them from blowing their fucking hands off. A humanitarian mission. John fuckin’ hated kids. Handless kids only slightly worse.

And he couldn’t contact a single member of the fuckin’ Justice League because some asshole was trying to use them to hunt him down.

Zatanna had needed to come to the House personally to circumvent the wards she’d helped him build.

(Good to know how well they worked though. Assuming they were working and he’d done something to piss off the big Bat enough that he was out for blood.

There was technically a chance they’d been calibrated wrong and Batsy wanted to bring him ham. Less likely than harm, in John’s humble opinion.)

Still, the only way to unfuck his communications was to find and defuse whatever had pissed the skulky bitch off, and while Zatanna had agreed to drop off his work for the kids, he needed to know what else they’d found.

He so was not going to fucking Alaska in January.

And with that as his alternative, John forced his most chipper smile onto his lips. Apparently people could sense that through phones. Who fuckin’ knew.

“So. You’ve fuckin’ got me. What the hell do you want?”

—————

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Next Chapter:

#danny fenton dead and loving it #dp x dc #dpxdc #dead on main #dead on main ship #danny x jason #chapter 10 #that’s not a twink that’s an anime girl #i regret nothing #also i want the shirt #real bad #ghost king danny #halfa jason todd #fright knight jason todd

[constellaj]

16

Please talk more about your reboot!

16: If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?

okay so how i would re-do CANON is completely different from how i would talk abt a reboot so im gonna touch on a couple things in both contexts! the reason for the difference is canon rewrites imply i can go back in time and introduce dp fresh and new, before anyone knows what it is; but for a reboot, id be working with an audience that has a better understanding of the source material, so i dont need to spend as much time explaining, but i also need to keep everything recognizable

Valerie

REWRITE: i would def make it more danny's fault that her dad lost his job, like danny was intentionally being reckless and shattered some security stuff, and he has a whole mini lesson about learning to not just run in guns blazing. i would probably remove the dating stuff with her and danny (and tuckers crush) too, I think them wanting to be good friends is good enough for freshman year

REBOOT: the fandom already knows valerie exists, so i would actually skip the whole shades-of-gray introductory episode and have her be present as the huntress from day 1-- probably even before danny got his powers. cujo is also HER dog, and her backstory-- we'd find out in like, season 1, that a natural ghost portal (maybe one wulf opened) ripped open on her dog and killed him, and since then shes had a vendetta against ghosts cause of how reckless they are and their disregard for life-- of course, cujo isnt actually dead. cujo is a halfa. a puby halfa. anyway instead of a hoverboard she actually rides cujo around cause he can fly and its big and epic. valerie has BEEN amity parks ghost-eradicating superhero for at least a year (tho shes been in the shadows abt it) and her hatred towards danny actually just becomes really petty, like them flying next to each other chasing skulker just going "I got this. no I got this. no I got this" and they just get in each others' way and its a mutual grudge.

BOTH: i am NOT keeping in vlad giving her the suit to watch danny under any circumstances. it was only utilized half assedly in canon (when vlad couldve just had an invisible duplicate watching him instead) anyway, and I dont have any reason to keep it in a reboot either. instead i want her tech to be a combination of half-stolen and half-gerryrigged stuff and she slowly slowly learns how to build her own.

I also dont want anyone knowing her secret identity, except maybe her dad, and sam or tucker. i think it works better if danny isnt privy to this magic info

Freakshow

REWRITE: i would honestly just remove him. the episodes hes in arent particularly interesting, theyre just generic "we need a plot about x" filler and he's not compelling enough a character (at least in writing) to carry a better plot that another antagonist couldnt. i'm serious

REBOOT: unfortunately in a reboot he's gonna have to pop up somewhere or else ppl will be like "where IS HE" so I'm going to stick with running some kind of ghost circus, maybe a few occult things, but cut out a lot of the spooky magical knowledge and mcguffin stuff. maybe i could make him like, someone from vlad/jack/maddies college who always felt pushed around by them and so he has a vendetta? and theyd be the only reason he even learned abt ghosts in the first place. idk in either way I want to force him into being irredeemable but also include LYDIA (the tattoo girl ghost) way more-- I want to give her an arc that ends in her tossing freakshow aside and running off to be a ghost vigilante.

BOTH: dear god the infinity gauntlet is stupid that needs to GO AWAY. especially for the reboot cause it would exist in a post-mcu world and way too many people would complain about it

Vlad

REWRITE: amp him up to a far more sinister and villainous character. the crushing on maddie isnt enough, I want to show him on-screen performing experiments on ghosts and himself, dismissing everyone else cause he thinks hes smarter than them. i want him to be actively sabotaging the fentons at every turn. i would also clarify that he doesnt actually want danny as a son, but as a trophy-- a line where danny says something along the lines of "you don't want a son. you want a slave". i want to make him a character who wants to destroy the entire planet and put it in the ghost zone so he can be the true ghost king and i want to make this all evident from day one. if i'm writing a series villain you can bet i'm going to write a GOOD one. less petty drama here and more actual stakes.

REBOOT: it seems silly but sense with reboot we have the benefit of hindsight and recognizing that vlad wasn't a big series villain, theres no way i'd actually go back and write him to be such. for starters, of course, theres the fact that anything he does would really be an exaggerated part of the original, and it would bore an audience to see the same story again-- theres also the fact that it doesnt seem right to take a character who was treated as a joke half the time and suddenly make them big and important. no, instead for my reboot i want to lean into the petty gay uncle vibe. he had a crush on jack and now just casually insults him. he moves mansions every now and again by just haunting the family who lives in the one he wants, and taking over-- i mean, who is gonna believe that an actual ghost haunted you. he dislikes danny not because he has some concept of 'evil' and 'good' but bc danny is just too damn active. of course he actually does care about danny and his safety deep down, it's just on the surface they have very conflicting motivations-- not to mention that danny has been raised on legends from his parents of the villainous Wisconsin Ghost, who has to be stopped at all costs.

BOTH: i want jack and maddie to KNOW he's a half ghost and to actively be hunting him down for it, maybe bc they think hes possessed, or been a ghost tricking them this whole time, or the victim of a tragic lab accident who needs to be put to rest, etc. whatever the case it will give vlad actual tangible reason to despise them and genuinely suspect they dont have dannys best interests at heart. i think it would be neat if vlad was cynical and every time danny hit him with the "I'll expose us both. at least theyll still love ME" vlad could be like in the back of his head "oh god theyre going to kill this child"

Dani

REWRITE: cut her out. we don't need her character at all. maybe replace her with a more ominous shadow duplicate / clone that actually looks like danny himself and doesnt really have a name? you could probably combine her and dark dans characters for their arcs

REBOOT: instead of a clone from vlad, she's a guys in white creation using some of dannys dna after he was captured (and vlad broke him out bc he was like "ugh i guess i have to save this child")

BOTH: vlad actually cares abt her (duh), shes nonbinary (double duh), she gets the funny dissolve into goo powers

i had more i thought i was gonna write but this post is already very long and also im running out of coherency for this LUL

#ask #danny phantom #long post #adpRewrite

[hoodharlow]

Sé lo rica que se ve en ropa de gimnasio. A mí me encantan lo' tatuaje' en tus brazo'

AN: I was gonna scrap this tbh, but my lovely mamas @be-ready-when-i-say-go posted this. So everyone say thank you to my mamas 

Request: Hunter kinda put it but for grabs and I quickly snatched it, so yes lol [ I need someone to indulge me in a cal blurb where you don’t handle spoopy well. however he don’t know that—new relationship right at the start of the holidays or something—and he surprises you with a date to a haunted house and you’re like, how about no??? But he’s a little bummed so you do it. Piss your pants (not literally) but it does not go well. Youre visibly shaken, almost crying and he’s like yikes okay, let’s just get food and wait for the rest of the peeps to be done and he’s like I’m really sorry, didn’t think it’d go like this. because I need it. But I can’t brain anymore to write it my damn self. Yes this is a cry for help]

Warnings: SMUT and aspects of spooky stuff (cl**ns) 

Word Count: 2.1k words

Calum and Claudia were waiting for his trainer in Calum's new G-Wagon. She was supposed to drop him off Griffith Park since she had a job interview at a dispensary and few errands to run. Fortunately the interview was in about two hours, so Claudia had some time to spare. 

His trainer forgot not to double book him with the influencer, who's name he had forgotten, after the fight he had with Claudia. Calum was quick to learn that she doesn't have a poker face when it came to people she didn't like, especially girls that always attempted to flirt with him. So when they saw her at the bench recording herself that she was going to workout, Calum had to find a way to remind Claudia he only had eyes for her. They may as well christen his G-Wagon. 

Their makeout session started out casual and lazy. Next thing they knew, they were climbing to the back seat, and Claudia was on his lap. 

Claudia slowly rolled her hips back and forth. With one hand, Calum bunched up her skirt and with the other he gripped her hip. Soft moans escaped her lips and mixed with the sound of Calum's groans. She greedily rode him at a slow, tortuous pace.

"Fuck, pretty girl," he grunted.

 Calum slid his hand inside her panties and roughly gripped her ass. He guided her along his length, loving how well she took him as he bucked his hips into her, meeting her thrusts. She let out a loud moan. Calum captured her lips, muffling her. 

They both sped up their movements, wanting to get the other off.  

“Calum!” She moaned out, her orgasm catching her off guard. She rested her forehead on his shoulder and slowly rode him through her orgasm.

He let go of her ass and pushed her down on the seat. He slid back into her and took her in slow deep thrusts. He wrapped her legs around his waist, so he had more room to maneuver them. He desperately rubbed her clit, egging her on as his thrusts sped up. 

Claudia pulled away from his lips and bit his shoulder as he brought her to another orgasm.

"Fuck!" She cursed. 

She moved her hands to his back. Digging her nails for some sort of stability as Calum increased his pace and pounded into her. 

"C'mon, Cal," she begged. "I want your cum deep inside of me. Please—"

"Fuck, Claudia," he grunted. 

His thrusts got sloppy and less rough. He chased after his climax. Moaning out his love for Claudia, he praised her for how well she took him. With one final thrust he came. He shoved himself deep in her until his high went down. He plopped next to her and closed his eyes. Wrapping his arm around her, he sighed in contentment. 

Claudia traced the dagger on the back of his bicep. She quickly remembered the lyrics to one of Benito's songs. 

"What are you thinking about?" Calum asked her. He lifted his head to look at her. 

"Bad Bunny— not like that!" she quickly added. "There's these lyrics that reminded me of you."

"Which ones?" 

"'Sé lo rica que se ve en ropa de gimnasio. A mí me encantan lo' tatuaje' en tus brazo' from the song 'Como se Siente.' It was just him saying how he knows that his boo looks good in workout clothes, and how he loves their arm tattoos. I was like mood because I know my boo looks good in workout clothes, and I love his arm tattoos."

Calum laughed. He hid his face into her chest, slightly shaking from the laughter.

"I fucking love you, Claudia." He said smiling brightly at her.

"I love you too." She said shyly. 

Calum shifted, so he was hovering over her. He sponge kissed all over her face and neck. Slowly he made his way down her chest, but Claudia stopped him. 

"As much as I'm down for round two, I can't. I can't have Ivan see these lovely hickies and snitch to my dad." 

Calum lifted his hands up in surrender at the mention of Diego. He sat on his knees and let her get ready. He heard a car approaching them, recognising his trainer. He cursed and reached for his shirt in the front seat. He handed Claudia his— their—Nine Inch Nails long sleeve. 

"Are those my leggings?" Claudia asked him when he slipped on his compression tights and shorts.

"Probably." He shrugged. He took her shocked look and tried to not laugh. "Now you know what it's like to have your clothes stolen."

"Vas a ver." Claudia stuck her tongue out and pushed him off. 

She pulled on her bralette, adjusting the straps and tucked in Calum's shirt in her skirt. She smoothed out the bottom of the skirt the best she could and grabbed her makeup bag. She touched up her makeup and redid her ponytail. 

"Here." She said handing Calum her headband. 

"Thanks," He said, wrapping it around his wrist. He looked outside and saw his trainer out of his car. "I gotta go. I'll see you in a bit. We're still going to Universal Studios with Ash and KayKay?"

"Yeah. Want me to bring you a change of clothes?"

"Please." 

"Okay." Claudia nodded.

Calum pulled her close to him. He smiled and traced his thumb over her bottom lip. He leaned in, feeling her sigh, and kissed her cheek. “I’ll see you later, love.”

***

Calum wrapped his arms around Claudia and rested his chin on her head as they waited for their turn to go inside the maze with Ashton and KayKay. 

Claudia tilted her head up.

 "Kiss?" she asked Calum. 

He smiled and leaned down to peck her lips.

Claudia turned around to kiss him properly. She held onto his cheek as her tongue gave into his. She sighed into his mouth as one of his hands lazily rested on her ass.

"This is a family park, not a place for you two to kiss like you're ready to make babies. Please go do that somewhere else." A woman behind them called to them, making Calum look back.

“You hear that this is a family park,” Calum turned back to Claudia. “Well, if it's a family park, guess we should make our own family." He pulled Claudia closer to him and wiggled his tongue against hers. Soon enough they were making out once more.

"Hey rabbits, let's go." Ashton said. He flicked Calum's ear, making them pull away. 

Calculus immediately linked her arm around Calum's as they made their way through the Stranger Things maze. It wasn't as eerie as the other two mazes they walked through considering  it was basically a tour through the set of the show. The Demagorgin did startle them when they passed through the lab, however.

Minutes later they made it through the maze. 

"Which one's next?" Calum asked Ashton, who was holding the map. 

"Clowns." He simply said.

Claudia stopped dead in her tracks. She hated clowns ever since Junior and Danny tricked her into watching the first It movie when they were younger and purposefully followed her around in clown masks to scare her. She never saw them the same. For Guito's birthday, Junior and Marlene hired a clown to make balloon shaped animals and face painting. With the excuse of studying for her AP stats class, Claudia immediately retreated to her room and hid there until it was time for the clown to leave. Now she had no idea how she was going to make it through the maze.

"You okay?" Calum asked her quietly.

"Yeah, just a bit tired from walking around." She responded.

Calum pulled her to his chest and pulled out his phone. He watched Claudia's face light up when she saw his lockscreen, a picture of them at the dog beach in DelMar with Duke and Panchito. He scrolled through the apps until he found Hulu. They had been binging One Tree Hill for the last couple of weeks. They made it through two episodes when it was their turn to go in. 

Claudia recognised the green cotton candy cocoon from the circus scene in the Killer Klowns from Outer Space. It started to move, revealing a clown taller than Calum with a raygun.

She whimpered, hiding her face into Calum's side. She held onto him, frozen in place. 

"Claudia we have to get going," Calum said.

"I don't want to," she mumbled. 

"Are you frightened?"

"Maybe," she grumbled. 

"Fuck, okay lets get to find the exit and I'll text Ashton. Yeah?" 

He felt Claudia nod on his side. He rubbed her back and guided them back to the designated exit for people that aren't able to complete the maze. They were almost there when a small herd of clowns ran in their direction. 

Calum tried to get them away, but they got ambushed along with another group of people. Next thing he knew Claudia wasn't attached to him. He quickly spun around and spotted her covering her face as another clown approached her. He trotted over to her.

"Hey, it's me. I'm here," he softly said. 

They finally made it out of the maze and Calum pulled her to a small table outside of Ben and Jerry's. He sat down, and she climbed to his lap burying her face in his chest. He felt his shirt get wet with her tears. He rubbed her back as she softly cried. He kissed her head.

"I'm not a baby, I swear," she sniffled after a few minutes. She wiped her face with her shirt sleeve. "I just, like, freaked out. I'm sorry for not letting you finish the maze."

"I could care less about a stupid maze. What's important to me is your safety and well-being." He shrugged. "Now why didn't you tell me you were scared of clowns?"

"Because I was embarrassed that I'm almost 22 and scared of something as mundane as clowns." 

"Claudia, fears are something grown ups have. It's natural to be afraid of things, or else the human experience wouldn't be so complex." Calum pulled her chin up to meet her eyes. "I want you to know that I'll always be here to protect you. Got that?"

Claudia nodded. "Can we get ice cream?"

"Of course." 

They got in line. Calum texted Ashton that the clown maze was a bit much for him, so he and Claudia will be waiting for them at Ben and Jerry's. Once in the shop, he wrapped his arms around Claudia and rested his chin on her head, swaying them to cheesy Halloween music. 

He saw a few flashes from outside. Lifting his head, he looked back. A small group of unsubtle fans were whispering and taking pictures of them. Even in his dark hoodie and gray beanie, they were still able to identify him. They tried to play off that they weren't recording, but one of them had their camera flash on. Calum cursed to himself and released Claudia. 

"Fans." He quickly mumbled to her. She nodded and took a few steps forward. 

Claudia was still subject to rude comments on social media, so they always tried not to be too affectionate when they're out. There were rare occasions that fans managed to capture them. He knew this was one of the cases. 

They quickly ordered and made their way to a table inside. Claudia sat across from him and watched his fans approach him as she ate her Netflix & Chill'd™ waffle cone.

One of them elbowed another, so they could get Calum's attention. 

"Um, we were wondering if we could get a picture?" One of them asked Calum.

"Sure." He looked to Claudia, "don't eat any of my ice cream."

She rolled her eyes and ate more of his. She watched him shove his hands on his pockets and crouch down a bit so he could be in the frame. While he went down the small line of fans, taking selfies, Claudia reached over for his Chunky Monkey. She tried scooping a small amount only for the spoon to get stuck and get a large amount. She cursed and frantically tried to get it unstuck resulting in the spoon breaking. 

"Seriously?" Calum quirked.

"It was like that when—"

"I'm sure it was." 

***

"I'm positive, Cal." Claudia reassured him. She swung their intertwined hands as they followed KayKay and Ashton into the replica of the Ghostbusters movie set. It was a mix of both the 80s and 2016 versions. Through the speakers the beginning of a certain song began to play. 

Calum and Ashton looked at each and seemed to telepathically communicate with each other. Suddenly they began singing along to Girls Talk Boys. A few people gathered around, watching them sing. Some were surprised at how similar they sounded to the people singing through the speakers, unaware it was them. Calum turned to Claudia as he sang, "Do you tell them I'm your lover, that I'm all that you need?"

"They're too cocky for their own good." KayKay laughed. 

Claudia giggled "Yeah, but the one in the gray beanie is cute." 

Taglist: @calpops @5-secondsofcolor​ @findingliam-o @calumscalm @sexgodashton @karajaynetoday @another-lonely-heart @cherryxwildflower @myloverboyash @spicycal @idontneedanyone

#calum hood smut #calum hood fluff #calum hood one shot #calum hood imagine #calum hood blurb #calum hood fanfiction #calum hood fan fic #calum hood imagines #calum hood series #calum hood fanfic

[augustheart]

What were your thoughts on the new episodes?

i will Assume you’re talking about doom patrol? gonna go under the cut for spoiler reasons

i’m so mixed. i am SO mixed. there was some really great stuff in there! but at the same time there was some really not great stuff in there too!

i think i liked episode three the best...? couldn’t give less of a shit about red jack (though i’m glad he’s less...rapey in this version) and i absolutely do not trust whatever they’re doing with jane even though i hope it turns out well and... well. i don’t give a fuck about whatever they’re doing with cliff right now unfortunately, but the larry and rita stuff was fantastic (i really adore them and their bond and i think it’s nice that they just...love each other. and it seems like they clicked right away. lavender marriage rights!) and so was dorothy doing Hijinks and the vic stuff...oh man the vic stuff is great. i’m really happy with what they’re doing with him--allowing him to open up and heal and connect with another disabled person in an intimate way! that’s great! could’ve done without her being a fuckin’ war criminal though!

to break stuff down more:

specifically with vic i think the scene with him and roni at her place was really well done. it was uncomfortable for me to watch because it was so soft--i don’t know these people, they don’t know me, it felt weird to see them be so vulnerable with each other because i didn’t know them and i really liked that. i still definitely like... am confused about why they genderbent roni to make her vic’s love interest? can we not have gay vic rights? and again i could’ve done without her being a Fucking War Criminal but... vic... i love him very much and i hope he continues on a path of healing instead of us having to see him get traumatized over and over again.

i liked dr. tyme he’s just a funky gay dude. his bros and gals seem fun even if that whole scene was difficult because i’ve already been struggling with a resurgence in photosensitivity lately. ya’ll should stop trying to fuck him though.

dorothy is good even though all of my criticism of her casting still stands... or at least as good as she can be considering she’s niles’ daughter in this version. definitely think we need to see someone confront niles for saying all of that shit to her. i cannot fucking stand him and i am praying this plays out like it does in the comics re: him and the candlemaker specifically. i know it will upset dorothy but her needs can be filled in by a new family and niles just has got to go.

speaking of niles again i fucking hate him and he cannot atone for what he’s done. he made the repeat horrifying choice to experiment on many people for his own selfish gain while tricking himself and others into thinking it was for the good of the daughter he was perfectly happy to dump on danny the second he got her away from the circus instead of, y’know, taking her back to the yukon to see if her mother was still alive? can’t stand this motherfucker i hope he dies.

and finally, every time kipling shows up onscreen i expect him to say a slur and i’m amazed he hasn’t yet barring saying the c word. i can’t stand him either but i do think it’s funny pollack made him a canon antisemite.

#doom patrol spoilers #dcutv #ask to tag #rape m / #jic #Anonymous

[amplesalty]

Christmas 2020: Day 5 - Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July (1979)

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

FIVE EVIL KINGS!

“Christmas...in July?!” I hear you scoff “What a preposterous idea.” Well, maybe not. After such an unprecedented year as 2020 has been, governments around the world find themselves in the delicate position of trying to further the public health whilst trying to stimulate their economies that are circling the drain. Plus, do you want to be seen as the Grinch figure who cancelled Christmas? That’s going to look real good come next election season, isn’t it? Well, what if we didn’t cancel Christmas..just postpone it instead. Did you know that the retail industry does 50% of its business between December 1st and December 25? That’s half a year’s business in just one month’s time. But with the inherent risk of everyone piling into stores and the already lost time from all these lockdowns, why not delay things slightly to allow us all time to get this new vaccination. Seems to me that Boris Johnson would be wise to legislate a second such gift giving holiday. Create, say, a Christmas 2 next Summer to stimulate growth.

Thank you, Danny Trejo. I’m just surprised it took me this long to mention COVID-19. It took me like the very first sentence of the October marathon. I suppose the Christmas season doesn’t really lend itself to it as much, though Kevin McCallister was doing pioneering work in that whole social distancing thing back in the day.

But yes, Rudolph and Frosty. After seeing both their specials over the past couple of years, why not watch them together in some sort of superstar tag team in their own feature length motion picture epic? I’m jumping ahead slightly in the Rankin/Bass cinematic universe which apparently was a little unwise as I missed a couple of important plot points.

Like, apparently Frosty had kids at some point? How does that work? Do snowmen fuck? I mean, Frosty was always a little dim so it kinda feels a bit weird like Buddy the Elf having kids by the end of Elf. Did kids build him a wife, bring her to life and then their combined magic allows them to have sentient children? Or do they have to be built and brought to life too? How many magic hats to these kids have access to? Is there just a factory somewhere pumping these things out? I can’t believe I have so many questions about an anthropomorphic snowman.

Nevermind that shit though, there’s a whole backstory going on that we need to dive into full of evil wizards and deities appearing on Earth in human form. Many years ago the wicked King Winterbolt ruled over the land with an iron first and a frosty sceptre capable of great magic. But against him stood Lady Boreal.

Queen of the Northern Lights! Oh for God’s sake, first It’s a Wonderful Life comes back to haunt me and now this. Why do so many Christmas movies have so many instances of the goddamn aurora borealis?! Anyway, she rocks up and is like “Stop all this evil tyranny business.” and he’s like “lol, no” and tries to shoot her with his magic missile, to which she’s like “Bitch, please.” and puts him into a deep slumber. But nothing lasts forever and eventually Winterbolt awakens and finds like the North land has a much more jolly leader in the form of Santa and vows to overthrow him with a rather longwinded scheme involving him winning the love of all the children of the world by making Santa get lost in a great snow storm. Then, Winterbolt can emerge with his own supply of toys and become the new Santa!

But with her last ounce of strength, Lady Boreal transfers her remaining magic into baby Rudolph’s shiny nose. Or maybe this is some Biblical level shit and she put Rudolph upon the Earth to be the saviour of Christmas, that he might grow up to lead Santa’s sleigh through the dark and stormy night. Where was this angle in the original Rudolph?! Kinda re-writes that whole part about him being shunned by Santa and his own Father too. Does kinda take that whole ‘embrace who you are’ thing to a new level when you were pretty much created by a God to have this one seemingly life altering feature about you that actually means you’re destined for greatness. Bit of a test of these other reindeer too, this is how you treat he I have delivered unto you?!

So, now that we have some meddlesome reindeer getting in the way, Winterbolt sets off on some longwinded and convoluted plan that involves Rudolph and Frosty going to a 4th of July circus in order to trick Rudolph into committing an evil act that will void Lady Boreal’s magic. Plus, he gives Frosty and family some amulets that will prevent them from melting but only up until the last firework fades. And to do all this he uses some sort of magic snow which can implant ideas in peoples heads? So he gets this ice cream guy to encourage Rudolph and Frosty to be in the show to boost ticket sales and help his girlfriend. This guy by the way rides around in a hot air balloon and keeps a supply of ice cream at the North Pole. Dude, it’s called a freezer.

I love how they make this big thing about what an attraction Rudolph will be but his act is literally him standing in the middle of the tent, they use a fog machine on him and he uses his nose to shine through the fog. Then he just flies away. I mean, I suppose just having a flying reindeer is pretty spectacular in and of itself but give them a little more for their money, tell a joke or something.

This whole middle portion of the movie is a bit of a drag though. Just really boring and full of filler songs about the circus. I don’t know why this movie is as long as it is at like 98 mins. If you trimmed it down you’d have something a lot more solid. I’d say the one highlight in this portion is when Winterbolt goes to what seems to be this movies equivalent of a doss house and finds this really shady reindeer he can use to trick Rudolph. Just seeing this evil genius in Winterbolt interacting with this scuzzy landlord and finding this bum reindeer is just really weird.

There’s a neat version of Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree too. Has this slight country, Dolly Parton feel to it and is a bit more uptempo than the original.

I was pretty disappointed during this whole section and was worried that it would end up like Frosty but it won me back again in the end by tapping into some of that uncharacteristic dark Christmas feel that Rudolph had. Where that was more cynical, this gets oddly morbid.

Like, the plan is for Santa to swing by and pick up Frosty and family in order to take them back to the North Pole before the fireworks finish so they don’t melt. Frosty is still really antsy though and is keen to duck out, even if that means missing the fireworks. Bizarrely, his kids question him on this and ask him what kind of patriot he is. I guess I never really thought of Frosty being American like that but I guess they did refer to him as having just being born when they put that hat on him. Plus he’s always saying ‘Happy birthday!’ when he wakes up so you could say he was born in America. Only trouble is, Winterbolt has whipped up a ferocious storm that means Santa is heavily delayed.

So you get these scenes of Frosty, his wife and kids all coming to terms with their own fragile mortality as they watch these 100 fireworks going off one by one, with each rocket flying into the sky acting like another grain of sand in the egg timer of their life, another second ticking away toward their impending doom. Just these kids looking up to their mother and telling her that they promise they’ll be brave...oh my God.

Or Rudolph having to give a false confession to stealing the takings from the circus in exchange for Winterbolt keeping the amulets powers going so that Frosty wont melt. Only Frosty knows the real truth, so everyone just shuns Rudolph. His friends turn their back on him, the crowd boo him and his nose wont light up anymore. Cue a mournful Rudolph solo which culminates in him crying as he sticks his nose in some glitter trying to replicate the beaming light it once gave off. Poor little guy.

But apparently not everyone has given up on Rudolph becomes he comes... a whale with a clock on it?! Apparently this guy was in one of the Rudolph films that came before this, just what in the hell did I miss?

Even after a showdown between Rudolph and Winterbolt where Rudolph gets Frosty’s hat back, Winterbolt is still out for vengeance and comes to the circus for a final showdown. To which the lady that runs the circus has the most appropriate response possible...

Reach for the skies, pilgrim! Only, her guns are just props that fire blanks so she just hurls the guns at Winterbolt and they promptly shatter his magic staff and he turns into a tree. Ooooooookay then.

I feel like Lady Boreal could have saved us a lot of hassle if she’d put Winterbolt to sleep and then took his staff away rather than just leaving it laying around for him to use again when he finally awoke.

For a second there in the middle I thought that this would be more of a Frosty than a Rudolph but it redeemed itself a bit by the end. Probably not quite to the levels of Rudolph but I enjoyed the bookends of it. If they’d cut some of the middle out and kept it under an hour, I’d be a lot happier with it. Apparently there’s another Rudolph movie that came out in the early 2000’s that revists a lot of those characters from the first one so I’m really tempted to watch that as well but I feel like I already rode my luck here and I’d really tarnish my positive memories of the original by watching a cheap cash in. I probably will just watch it anyway though so I guess we’ll find out next year.

#Christmas 2020 #Rudolph #Frosty #Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July

[astral-space-dragon]

My favorite Halloween films

I talked about my favorite Christmas films and thought I’d share my favorite Halloween films. Now keep in mind that these are in no particular order, just a list of Halloween films that I like. NOTE: I am excluding “Hocus Pocus”, “The Nightmare Before Christmas”, slasher films, and Stephen King films. That’d be too easy.

With that being said, here’s my favorite Halloween films.

1. Trick ‘r Treat

This 2009 film, takes place over the course of Halloween in the fictional town of Warren Valley, Ohio. Its story is told in a nonlinear narrative, with characters crossing paths with each other throughout the film. At the centre of the story is Sam, a peculiar trick-or-treater dressed in pajamas and a burlap sack, who appears to enforce the “rules” of Halloween.

This film was a hit in the box office, but for the few years, no one really talked about it. In recent years, it has gained a cult following and there have been talks of a possible sequel.

This films is perfect for Halloween. It’s riddled with the holiday: fallen leaves, trick-or-treating, jack o’ lanterns, all that good stuff. See it for yourself and join the following.

2. Mad Monster Party

Hey, remember those Christmas specials? Frosty the Snowman? Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? Santa Claus is Coming to Town? Of course you do. Well, the same company (Rankin/Bass Productions) tried their hand at making a special for a different holiday: Halloween and “Mad Monster Party” was that final product. 

Baron Boris von Frankenstein (voiced by Boris Karloff [yes, I mean that]) achieves his ultimate ambition, the secret of total destruction. Having perfected and tested the formula, he sends out messenger bats to summon all monsters to the Isle of Evil in the Caribbean Sea. The Baron intends to inform them of his discovery and also to reveal his imminent retirement as head of the "Worldwide Organization of Monsters". Besides Frankenstein's Monster and the Monster's more intelligent mate who live in the island castle with Boris, the invites also include Count Dracula, the Mummy, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, the Werewolf, The Invisible Man, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

The special did decently at the time of its release but since Rankin/Bass Productions was (and still is) known for their Christmas specials, the film flew under the radar and was pretty much forgotten.

Like “Trick ‘r Treat”, “Mad Monster Party” has gained a cult following in the recent years, but it’s still not talked about as much. Find the film for yourself and see why it should never be forgotten.

3. The Halloween Tree

“The Halloween Tree” is a 1993 Hanna-Barbera film based on the Ray Bradbury novel of the same name. The film tells the story of a group of trick-or-treating children who learn about the origins and influences of Halloween when one of their friends is spirited away by mysterious forces. The film stars Ray Bradbury as the narrator and the late Leonard Nimoy as the children's guide, Mr. Moundshroud.

I remember watching this film every year on Cartoon Network when it aired on the Halloween season (I don’t think they do anymore since it doesn’t fit their TTG agenda....), so it hold a special place in my heart. In the film, the children travel though time and witness ancient traditions that modern day Halloween takes inspiration from. From rituals carried out my Celtic Druids to Dia de los Muertos in Mexico; there’s something for everyone in this film.

4. Frankenweeinie (1984)

When I say “Frankenweenie”, I’m not talking about the 2012 stop-motion remake, I’m talking about the original 1984 film that got Tim Burton fired from Disney (yes, you read that right).

If you’ve seen the 2012 remake, then you already know the story. For those who don’t, allow me to give you a synopsis: The film is both a parody and homage to the 1931 film Frankenstein based on Mary Shelley's novel of the same name. The story goes as is: A young boy sets out to revive his dead pet using the power of science. It’s such a simple concept, a boy and his dog. But that concept, really never gets old. While I love the 2012 remake, I grew up watching this version and, call it a bias, I prefer this version.

5. Creature from the Black Lagoon

This 1954 monster flick is considered a landmark. It’s the film that inspired Guillermo Del Toro to make “The Shape of Water” (it’s true, I shit you not). It’s “The Creature from the Black Lagoon”. While this is not a film I grew up watching, I have fond memories of watching it in my honors biology class in high school. Yes, the film is cheesy as fuck and it at times leaves much to be desired. But, past all of that is a relic of the past and a film that helped paved the way for monster movies (and made monster fuckers dream come true).

So what’s the film about? A geology expedition in the Amazon uncovers fossilized evidence from the Devonian period that provides a direct link between land and sea animals. What follows is a return expedition to the Amazon to look for the remainder of the skeleton.

6. Freaks

Easily one of my favorite films. I could watch this anytime of the year. It’s an incredible film. The best part, the freaks in the films: all real. No make-up or special effects. You had Johnny Eck, Schlitzie, dwarf siblings Harry and Daisy Earles, and conjoined sisters  Daisy and Violet Hilton are just a few of the freaks that starred in this movie.

The film is about trapeze artist Cleopatra who learns that circus dwarf Hans has an inheritance, she marries the lovesick, diminutive performer, all the while planning to steal his fortune and run off with her lover, strong man Hercules. When Hans' friends and fellow performers discover what is going on, they band together and carry out a brutal revenge that leaves Hercules and Cleopatra knowing what it truly means to be a "freak."

“Freaks” is easily one of my favorite films of all time. I’ve always had a fascination with sideshow, freakshows and such; and to have this relic of the past is really something special.

7. The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad

While this film has two short stories, the one I want to focus on is “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow”. This segment scared the piss out of me as a kid and I LOVED IT. The second segment is based on "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" by Washington Irving and it follows Ichabod Crane, a lanky, gluttonous, superstitious yet charming dandy arrives in Sleepy Hollow, New York to be the town's new schoolmaster.

I don’t want to give too much away but I assure you this segment is so much fun to watch. Both Ichabod’s and Mr. Toad’s segments are a lot of fun to watch. If you want to check it out for yourself, I highly recommend you do (research the production history as well, really interesting stuff).

8. Beetlejuice

You all know this film. Tim Burton. Michael Keaton. Young Winona Ryder. Danny Elfman. Geena Davis. The Banana Boat Song. What else is there to say?

9. Onibaba

I’ve only discovered this film this past year is it’s easily on my top 3 list. You may not know this, but I’m a huge sucker for Japanese folklore (thank my Japanese roots for that) and when I discover Onibaba, I already knew this film was up my alley. 

I don’t want to give anything away about this because I want you to go into this film blind like I did. Let me just say this: the two women in this film are badass.

10. Kakurenbo

This.... this is film that made every second count. “Kakurenbo” is only 25 minutes long and they made every second and every frame count. You may be thinking “That’s way to short to tell a full-fledged story!” The thing with Japanese storytelling is that they make 25 minutes as good as a two hour film and Kakurenbo is no exception.

The film entails a game of "Otokoyo", a version of hide and seek played by children, wearing fox masks, near the ruins of an abandoned old Kowloon-inspired city but there is a twist: children who play disappear, never to be seen again.

I first saw this film back in 2005 when it played on Cartoon’s Network’s adult-oriented nighttime programming, Adult Swim. 10 year old me was completely engrossed by this film. The story, the designs of the demons, everything about the film stuck to me. I recently got the my hands on the DVD (thanks mom) and I’m elated that I can enjoy “Kakurenbo” on any given day and not have to scour Youtube for a “decent” version.

I know I’ve said this throughout this list, but I STRONGLY urge all of you to check out “Kakurenbo” when you get the chance. You will not be disappointed.

#long post #shut up chrome

[become-the-monster]

Today I decided that the best way to try to drag myself out of a spiral was to have some soup and watch Tim Burton’s Dumbo (no, I will not be fielding any questions at this time).

- The still on Disney plus alone is utterly haunting. Let’s do this.

- I have instantly remembered that this is a Disney movie that makes me weep but I’ve already pressed play so there’s no going back now. Baby Mine, here I come.

- The first voice you hear is Danny Devito and that is definitely an omen but I have no idea what kind.

- Dear lord, Danny Devito is playing his own twin brother? in a TERRIBLE MUSTACHE??

- Fuck, I forgot I secretly like Colin Farrell SHIT

- God DAMN IT I JUST LOVE DANNY DEVITO, OK

- So Holt is coming home from war missing an arm to find out that his wife died of influenza while he was away, his circus is going broke and he can likely no longer do his rope trick act with his injury/ without his parter (his dead wife). Just some light exposition.

- Gods the circus truly is a nightmare

- ......That being said I would pay good money to see one led by Danny Devito

- I... I think Colin and I have the same haircut. What do I even do with this information?

- Also I just really want to watch In Bruges now, what a FLICK

- These kids are absolutely dead inside

- Dumbo is real cute in theory, but imagine seeing a literally elephant come at you from the sky???

- Michael Keaton WHAT ARE YOU WEARING AND WHAT IS YOUR ACCENT?

- Nevermind, the accent mysteriously disappeared. And also the twin is fake and I’m a little sad.

- “I’ve been to France , ya know. It was not a pleasant experience.” A trauma joke! Fun!

- Ugh, you’re gonna flirt with this girl aren’t you? Your wife JUST DIED

- “You beautiful one armed cowboy” a real thing Oscar award winning actor Michael Keaton just said

- Great news, I figured out his asthetic and it is absolutely Betelgeuse because OF COURSE IT IS AND I LOVE IT

- You know, we’re halfway through and it still hasn’t gotten like “Tim Burton weird”, ya know?

- I will say that there have been a few scenes that have been very nice to look at, I’ll always be a sucker for this shit.

- Hi. Me again. So remember when I said it felt like this wasn’t “Tim Burton weird”? Whelp about 5 minutes after that I remembered that the Pink Elephant scene hadn’t happened. And 2 minutes later it happened. Taryn you big dumb bitch.

- But real talk, it was still fucking weird but it was actually captivating as hell.

- Update: I believe Michael Keaton and I may also have the same haircut? So... the plot thickens I guess?

- OH MY GODS NIGHTMARE ISLAND, WHAT THE FUCK

- WAS THIS IS THE ORIGINAL?? FUCK THIS

- Oh my gods the whole circus is gonna team up to save Dumbo and his mom DON’T LOOK AT ME

- “Let’s see if dream daddy’s worked out the kinks.” A real thing Oscar award winning actor Alan Arkin said.

- I take it back Holt and Colette are actually really cute. I’ll allow it.

- Also cowboy Colin Farrell. Lord help me.

- HEIST HEIST CIRCUS HEIST

- We’re gonna save Dumbos mom and FREE ALL THE ANIMALS FROM THE ZOO

- I am OBSESSED WITH COLETTES OUTFITS

- Max you glorious son of a bitch, I never doubted you for a second

- Holt climbing up this pipe with ONE ARM is stressing me out. WAS THERE TRULY NO ONE ELSE WHO COULD HAVE DONE THIS JOB??

- Yeah Dumbo FUCK IT UP and BURN IT DOWN

- Dumbo is a big damn hero to save the Ferriers DON’T LOOK AT ME AGAIN

- “You freak, what have you done?”

“What they pay me to, mister. Put on a hell of a show.” SIR PLEASE

- Why am I like this

- I will not cry as they say goodbye to Dumbo , I will not cry as they say goodbye to Dumbo, I will not cry as they say goodbye to Dumbo I WILL NOT CRY

- He’s got a fucking bionic arm in 1945 and I don’t even care, what a cute ending. That is the exact Danny Devito circus I want to go to.

- To summarize: 1. We can all agree that the circus as a whole has always been a mistake for various reasons. 2.I still very much have both a crush on Colin Farrel and a thing for cowboys.

- Now I’m going to go find In Bruges and contemplate a circus heist one shot.

#sorry for the long post #I don’t know how to do read mores anymore #ramblings #Tim Burton Dumbo #dumbo spoilers #I guess??

[scientifically-strange]

In the Grave part 2

This is a continuation of the request where they don’t know Danny is half ghost, back by popular demand!

---------

Peter had quickly grown to learn that he Avenger's idea of a field trip wasn't really a field trip so much as it was a mission but with a little more sight seeing. Amity Park had been thought to be just one big tourist trap, but it was so much more than tat. Despite the small town, the buildings reached new heights and friendly faces everywhere they turned.

"Do you think any of these guys have ever actually seen Phantom?" Peter asked Steve, who was looking at some brochures with pictures of Phantom fighting some dragon. He handed it to Peter.

"Either that or it's photo shopped." He turned to the lady behind the desk, giving her that old Brooklyn smile. "Excuse me, Ma'am," he said, "But can you tell us where we can find this Phantom character?"

"Oh, nobody knows how to contact him," the lady said, swishing her red hair being her shoulder. "Buut, if you really want to know more about ghosts then you need to talk to the Fentons. They're the local experts around these parts."

"And how might we find them?"

"Oh, the Fentons? You can't miss them. They own a place called Fentonworks not to far from here."

Steve nodded and thanked her, taking the brochure with him as he pulled Peter along.

Thanks to them both being born and bred New Yorkers, the walking really didn't bother them. It was more than bitter October wind that nipped at their skin that caused the irritation. Peter pulled his jacket closer, and Steve zipped his up.

On the way to the Fenton's home they ran into a group of kids laying heroes and villains, smiling at how one boy called dibs on Phantom while another called on Widow. Oh, Natasha would get a kick out of that.

"What do you think she meant by we can't miss it?" Peter asked. Steve looked up from the kids and looked at Peter, then ahead.

"Probably that," he pointed ahead, and Peter looked at the building. Then looked at the top of it, and understood perfectly.

Is that a...UFO?"

"Maybe? Nowadays it feels like everything is."

It only took a couple of short minutes to walk the rest of the distance. Peter let Steve do the talking.

"Who are you?" A red headed girl with a blue head band asked.

"Oh, I'm Steve, and this is my cousin, Peter. We were just wondering if the Fentons are home?" The girl sighed and looked back into thw house.

"Mom! Dad! Some tourists are here to see you!" She let them in and led them to the couch, offering them something to drink. When they declined shw went to the kitchen anyway.

Peter had been in new houses plenty of times before, but this was something else. It was nice and the TV was cute, but he had a nagging sense in the back of his head that all is not what it seems to be here. However, before he could tell Steve the door burst open and then was quickly slammed again by the black haired kid that had run through. He pulled back the curtains just a tiny bit and sighed in relief before turning back around and coming to a dead stop, staring at them with wide eyes.

"Uh, who are you?" He asked, dropping his backpack down.

And I was wondering how him and the girl were related, Peter thought with a smile. Steve answered for him once again.

"I'm Steve, this is my cousin, Peter. We're tourists and had a couple of the questions about the ghosts in the twon and that other guy-Peter what's his name? Phantom?"

Peter couldn't tell if Steve was joking or not, but it certainly did the trick. The boy's face had scrunched up when they asked about the ghosts, but when they had mentioned Phantom that all seemed to change. He walked over and sat in the chair next to the couch.

"Well, what do you want to know?" He asked. "Oh, and the name's Danny, by the way." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, probably out of habit, Steve observed, and started bouncing his leg up and down like he couldn't sit still.

"Do you think Phantom is a good guy?" Peter asked. He had only met the ghost kid once, and yeah, he had helped them, but that doesn't mean he was on their side all the way. He’d seen enough horror movies t be suspicious.

"Totally. I mean, my parents don't really think so, but they're ghost hunters. You can't win them all if you're, you know, a ghost."

"But what about the thing with the mayor and the bank robberies?" Steve asked. Peter looked at him, trying to hide his shock. Why hadn't Steve told him about that on the way over?

"Well, with the mayor that' kind of weird. We were in the middle of a ghost invasion and one of them overshadowed-it's a fancy way to say possession-the mayor and made it look like Phantom was dragging him away. And with the bank robberies there was this circus freak who called himself Freakshow. He had this scepter thing that could control ghosts, no matter how powerful. He made Phantom and others steal for him and stuff."

"You seem to have a lot of experience with Phantom," Steve's voice was level, but Peter saw the way his fingers twitched, like he knew something else was going on. So Peter wasn't the only one feeling that way.

"Danny, you're home early," a red headed woman in a blue jumpsuit said. Danny just shrugged.

"Tucker and Sam got paired on a science project together so they're off working on that."

"Well what about you, sweetie?"

"Ugh, I got paired with Dash."

"Hey, Mads, who are these guys?" A deep voice boomed, and a moment later there was a large man in an orange jumpsuit with his hand on his wife's shoulder. Behind the parents, the older child rolled her eyes.

"Steve and Peter, the guests who wanted to know about ghosts? Honestly dad, you need to start writing stuff down." It sounded rude but the comment was full of love as she pushed past her parents and went upstairs. Danny got up too.

"I, uh, have to start on that project," he said, not meeting anybody' eyes before heading up himself. Steve and Peter looked after them with curiosity.

"So, you wanted to know about ghosts?" Maddie asked sweetly.

Saying yes was probably the biggest mistake of their lives.

"Dude, we wasted a whole day with them," Peter said once he was sure they had walked far enough to not be heard by the Fentons.

"But we know more about what we may have to fight," Steve assured.

"I just want to see Phantom again," Peter said.

It was as if there was some higher power took pity on him and answered his calls, because if it weren't for Steve pulling Peter back at the last minute he would have collided with the black and white blur that was Phantom. The ghost boy groaned and stood up, brushing off his suit.

"Sorry about that," he told them. His voice was tinged with an echo, but Steve and Peter both though it was familiar. Phantom looked up at their faces, and something like recognition flashed in his eyes before he saluted and took off again, fighting some sort of giant green snake ghost.

"Should we help him?" Peter asked. Steve shook his head.

"No, let's see what he can really do."

They watched as the hero flew this way and that, the serpent following him, not realizing what Phantom was doing. Within a few short minutes the snake was tied up in a knot and sucked into the thermos Phantom had been carrying the night he had met the Avengers. Then he flew away.

"Hey, isn't that that way too..." Peter started.

"Come on, we better follow," Steve said, breaking out into a run. "Put the suit on."

They ran, Peter quickly ducking into an ally and taking off his civilian clothes, revealing his Spider-Man costume underneath. He quickly put on the mask and swung himself around the corner, watching as Phantom flew into the Fenton home.

"Cap, I'm going after him!" He called. Steve from below shouted something as he took off his jacket, His shield had been hiding underneath it. Spider-Man continued with the mission.

He was thankful that he had such a good memory, because there were a lot of windows. If he hadn't seen Phantom fly though he would have never found the right one. He stopped a few windows down and climbed up, only to see Phantom freaking out, shoving things under the bed and things in the closet before a bright light overtook the whole room and left...Danny?

Spider-Man easily opened the window and climbed through. Luckily Danny was too distracted to notice as Spidey slowly climbed onto the ceiling and watched as he hid his comic books and NASA ships and green bandages and weapons that kind of looked like they went with the thermos. Which he was hiding in his back pack.

"You should really make a system for this," Spidey said. Danny's head snapped up, surprised to see Spider-Man there.

"Spidey?" He asked in disbelief.

"And you're Phantom. Dude when were you going to tell us you were alive?"

"Shh, keep your voice down," he hissed. "My parents don't know, and if they id they would kill me! Again!"

"How about you give me some answers then?" Spider-Man dropped his voice to a harsh whisper as he lowered himself from the ceiling.

I'm only half ghost, dude. When the accident happened it fused ectoplasm with my DNA and I got these cool ghost powers."

"So you're just a kid? Not some immortal entity out to rule the world?" Spidey asked.

"Dude, seriously? No, I'm like, fifteen."

"Hey, me too!" Spidey said excitedly, momentarily forgetting that he was in costume. Danny narrowed his eyes, his head turning to the side.

"Peter?"

"Who's P-"

"-Then that makes Steve Captain America!" Danny's eyes grew big and his smile wide as he shoved his hed out the window, looking around before looking down, only to see Cap scaling his fucking wall. Oh, this was just too good.

"Dude!" He whispered to his childhood hero.

"Where's Phantom?" Steve asked. Spider-Man pointed to Danny, who actually looked a little sheepish.

"Hiya," he said. Steve gave Spider-Man a sort of look, silently asking for answers.

"He's only half ghost apparently," Spidey answered. "And fifteen. Not five hundred."

"You guys thought I was five hundred?"

"Well, if he's just a kid we don't need to be here anymore," Steve said, turning back to go through the window again.

"Wait-what?" Danny asked.

"You're just a kid, and you live all the way in Amity. We can't take you on missions," Steve said, half way out of the window.

"But if the world is in danger of another alien invasion you'll call me, right?"

"Goodbye, Danny," Steve said. He was -Man put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"We'll totally call you, dude." Danny grinned.

"Sweet."

[upalldown]

Danny Brown - uknowhatimsayin¿

Fifth full-length album from the Detroit experimental hip hop artist featuring guest appearances from Run the Jewels, Obongjayar, Jpegmafia and Blood Orange

9/13

A self-styled court jester, Danny Brown’s distinctive yelp, outlandish bars and love for off-kilter flows have lent his music a comedic, almost clownish feel since 2010’s The Hybrid. On his new album, the Detroit rapper enlists some of hip-hop’s finest talents to help him refine that persona.

When he announced the release of uknowhatimsaying¿, Brown referred to it as a comedy album, directly inspired by the work of the stand-ups he now counts as friends. Brown has something of a reputation for conjuring up bars that few other MCs would – “stank pussy smelling like Cool Ranch Doritos” still lives in infamy – and as you’d expect, his latest album is no different. From lyrical tricks like “Papa was a rollin’ stone so I sold rocks to him” to the Lil B-esque “hoes on my dick ‘cuz I look like Roy Orbison”, Brown is on head-spinning form.

Hints of the wild-haired, gap-toothed rapper he once was crop up throughout the record. On lead single Dirty Laundry, a circus theme beat underpins deranged tales of Brown’s days as a drug dealer. Elsewhere, Savage Nomad is punctuated with insane cackles and threats to roll up on you in the playground, Brown adopting the role of a deranged school bully.

However, in the three years since Danny Brown’s last record, hip-hop has been overrun with rainbow-haired clowns and slapstick MCs. Shock value has become almost worthless and now 38, his interest in playing the goofy oddball is clearly waning.

Brown’s choice of collaborators on unknowwhatimsayin¿ reinforces this new mindset. The contributions of JPEGMAFIA, Standing on the Corner and Blood Orange align Danny Brown with the cutting edge of rap music, picking up the experimental threads of 2016’s Atrocity Exhibition. Meanwhile Obongjayar’s pair of contributions lend Belly of the Beast and the album’s title track a netherworld feel, the Nigerian-born singer croaking “I don’t have skin/ I just shine”. However, if there’s a song that defines the shift that’s taken place between that album and this one, it’s Negro Spiritual. Over a Flying Lotus-produced skitter of jazz guitar, Brown becomes increasingly frantic, the manic energy that has defined his career unleashing in frenzied bursts of rhymes.

Despite the comedic influence, uknowhatimsayin¿ might be Brown’s most mature album to date. On tracks like Shine, Brown opens up about his struggles,  delivering a solemn verse made especially poignant in contrast to the cartoonish threats and blowjob jokes that open the album. If Atrocity Exhibition, his first album for Warp, saw Brown push at the edges of his sound, unknowwhatimsaying¿ is the result of those experiments, a conclusion to one era of the Detroit rapper’s discography and the start of something new. He might spend his free time with comedians and members of the Insane Clown Posse, but Danny Brown doesn’t need to play hip-hop’s joker anymore.

https://crackmagazine.net/article/album-reviews/danny-brown-uknowhatimsaying/

#danny brown #uknowhatimsayin

[comic-movieheroesranked]

Cinematic Comic Characters Ranked! (Year 2009) Part One

It’s rough coming right after a fantastic year of movies (2008) but 2009 did pretty well for itself. Terminator Salvation is our only sequel and we also get an X-Men spinoff with X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Kids favorite shows come out with Astro Boy, Dragonball: Evolution, and G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra, and we got a couple of thrillers with Whiteout and Surrogates. We also get the debut of the controversial Watchmen! Let’s get started with numbers #84-61!

*SPOILERS AHEAD FOR ALL HIGHLIGHTED MOVIES ABOVE*

Cameo Appreciation: The Minutemen (Watchmen)

The Minutemen consisted of Dollar Bill, Mothman, The Silhouette, Hooded Justice, and Captain Metropolis. They mainly appear in flashbacks as they all somehow die one by one. Dollar Bill dies after his cape gets caught on a revolving door, allowing the robbers to take aim and shoot. Captain Metropolis dies in a car accident, which was thought to be suicide. The Silhouette, who looked so damn fierce, was murdered in a homophobic hate crime with her lover. Hooded Justice's death isn't explained but we do see him stop The Comedian from raping Sally Jupiter. Mothman doesn't die but he ends up going crazy and is thrown into a psychiatric ward.

Cameo Appreciation: Professor X, Toad, Wind Dancer, Quicksilver, and Banshee (X-Men Origins: Wolverine)

There were a lot of familiar faces among the mutants kidnapped by William Stryker. Those mutants were Toad, Wind Dancer, Quicksilver, and Banshee. When they escape with the help of Wolverine, Kayla, Emma, and Scott, they end up running into Professor X! With his jet ready, the professor rescues the group and takes them away to his school.

Cameo Appreciation: Sarah Connor (Terminator Salvation)

Even though she's not technically seen, Sarah Connor's voice is in the tapes she recorded for her son, John, to help him in the future. With her guidance, he's able to learn about his father, Kyle, who will eventually go to the past to help keep her safe.

84. Hollis Mason/Nite Owl (Watchmen)

"You were a better Nite Owl than I ever was, Danny boy."

One of the few Minutemen that's still alive, Hollis Mason was the original Nite Owl and is also one of the two heroes to reveal their identity to the public. He came out with a book about his life as a vigilante but after the hype of it died down he ends up opening an auto shop where he enjoys drinking occasionally with Dan.

83. The Hard Master (G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra)

"We need to invite him in and show him the path."

The Hard Master was the man who taught Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes everything they know. I kind of got a little favoritism coming from him when it came to Snake Eyes and it appeared that so did Storm Shadow, who kills him. Or so we think! At the end of the film Storm Shadow admits he didn't kill their master. So if he didn't, who did?!

82. Jared Canter (Surrogates)

"I'm not in the mood for opera."

Jared's murder started the entire film but it wasn't even him that was supposed to die in the first place. He had borrowed his father's surrogate, who was the actual target. His death is the first human murder in several years and starts Lionel Canter's quest for revenge.

81. Daniel DeCobray/The Baron (G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra)

"What a mysterious wife you are!"

The Baron got straight up PLAYED! The Baroness only marries him so Cobra can keep an eye on him and his work in the science field and is constantly leaving him, which makes him wonder where she goes all the time. When she reveals her true intentions, she forces him to weaponize the nanobite warheads before she tricks Storm Shadow into killing him.

80. Mr. Squeegee and Mr. Squirt (Astro Boy)

"I love happy endings!"

These two robots are designed to clean windows (One squirts the water, while the other wipes) in Metro City and are present when Astro discovers he's actually a robot. The two scenes they're in are for comedic relief and they show up at the end to celebrate Astro's victory over President Stone.

79. Travis and Heather Hudson (X-Men Origins: Wolverine)

"We all got a choice, Son."

Travis and Heather start the ridiculous trend of everyone who is nice to Logan, will end up getting killed. After he shows up to their barn naked, the Hudson's cloth him, feed him, and give him advice on forgiveness and revenge. Their thanks? They get gunned down.

78. Courtney A. Krieger/Cover Girl (G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra)

"Their capabilities are beyond anything we've ever encountered."

Cover Girl was a supermodel before she found her true calling in the G.I. Joe department. She's mostly seen as Hawk's assitant, bringing him papers to sign as well as inform him of missions when he needs it. She's technically the only Joe with a revealed identity who dies, getting murdered by Zartan when Cobra invades the Joe facility.

77. Rubin, Mooney, and Weiss (Whiteout)

"Mooney said not to trust that guy."

Rubin, Mooney, and Weiss are the biologists that discover the lost Russian plane and are at the root of this whole murder investigation. It all starts when Weiss's body is found and later Carrie figures out that he was hit with an ax then thrown off a plane after injuring himself. When the investigation starts, Mooney calls Carrie and explains he'll tell her everything at the Russian base he's at. Of course when Carrie shows up he's lying in his own blood. Finally we have Rubin who actually manages to tell Carrie everything about his team finding the plane except for who was the guy killing them! He takes off because he gets spooked by Doc (who ends up working with Haden, the killer) and ends up getting his neck snapped by Haden when he tries to escape.

76. Moloch (Watchmen)

"I have cancer."

A villain in his time, Moloch is an old man who's given up on the crime life now that he's dying of cancer. He gets paid a visit by his drunk archnemesis, The Comedian, and ends up getting murdered by Adrian so the other could frame Rorschach.

75. Orrin (Astro Boy)

"I feel so nervous!"

Orrin is the nanny robot who works in Dr. Tenma's home and takes care of Toby before he's killed. Even though it's very clear that him and other robots have their own personalities, he's constantly belittled by Tenma for trying to enjoy things like playing with paper planes with Astro. It isn't until the end of the movie that Tenma finally treats Orrin a little nicer, even if Orrin still gets freaked out by the change of attitude.

74. Dr. Serena Kogan (Terminator Salvation)

"You're about to do an incredible thing."

Dying of cancer, Dr. Kogan is the one smart enough to come up with a plan to create a human/machine hybrid. She ends up getting Marcus to volunteer after he's sentenced to death. When he arrives at Skynet Headquarters in the future, the machine uses Serena's identity to talk to him.

73. Richard Nixon (Watchmen)

"We can't let these fuckers think we're weak!"

In this altered timeline, Richard Nixon is able to be re-elected for three more additional terms as well as take on Vietnam as a state. After he disbands the Watchmen, he focuses his attention on Russia and the threat of the nuclear war. After the most populated cities are destroyed, Nixon agrees to work with the other world leaders and untie in peace.

72. Miles Strickland (Surrogates)

"I couldn't tell you his name even if my life depended on it."

The dispensable hitman. Miles is a dread, a human who doesn't use surrogates, and is hired to use the new technology that kills a host through their surrogate on Lionel Canter. He's able to avoid police but ends up killed by his own people in The Prophet's community. It later makes sense as to why he died, seeing as The Prophet was actually a surrogate belonging to the man he tried to kill in the first place.

71. Bradley (X-Men Origins: Wolverine)

"I always thought it would be Wade to come knocking on my door."

A mutant on Stryker's Special Ops team with the ability to control technology. Since he never participated in the killings of innocent citizens, I think Bradley also didn't agree with it but didn't have the courage to quit like Logan did. When he retires, he joins a circus but it isn't long before Victor shows up and takes him out.

70. Toby Tenma (Astro Boy)

"Up and onward."

Toby's death was so sad. He was such a bright kid and even if he had a crushing curiosity that eventually caused his downfall, a lot of his death could be blamed on his father's company as well as President Stone's arrogance. How did no one, human or robot, not notice the kid was in the room? With their technology so advanced they don't have scanners that alert every time someone enters? His death leaves his father in a huge depression which eventually leads to him creating Astro.

69. Zartan (G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra)

"This is going to be the achievement of a lifetime."

Zartan works for Cobra with a neat skill of blending in with his disguise. He's pretty decent, managing to sneak up on Hawk and Cover Girl and escaping the facility unharmed before he even gets his upgrade from The Doctor. After going through the procedure, Zartan can now physically alter his body to change into whoever he pleases. Who's his first target? None other that the President of the United States. Zartan kills him in secret before returning to the oval office, the U.S. government completely unaware about his true identity.

68. Janey Slater (Watchmen)

"I stuck by you and this is how you repay me!?"

The guys in this movie were pretty douche-y in this film and Dr. Manhattan was no exception when it came to his ex-girlfriend Janey. She was with him before his terrible accident and she stayed with him after. At first I thought he left her because she refused to be with him in his 'dying' moments, but he admits to leaving her because she's not as attractive as Laurie, which is just SO fucked up. It's also believed Jon gave her cancer, which she's dying from, but it was actually Adrian in his twisted plan to heal the world.

67. Barnes (Terminator Salvation)

"I didn't catch that last part."

Barnes is John Connor's right hand man in the resistance and is loyal to him with every decision he makes. With his brother dying early on in the film, his hatred for the machines makes things difficult when Blair tries to rescue Marcus. However once John deems Marcus ok, so does Barnes and he continues his job in the war against the machines.

66. ZOG (Astro Boy)

"I'm old school."

ZOG was one of the first robots ever created and was abandoned on the Surface World when he stopped working. More than fifty years later he gets revived by Astro using his blue core energy and ends up getting an entire makeover by the surface kids. When Hamegg proves to be a jerk, ZOG saves Astro and nearly kills Hamegg but Astro stops him. ZOG saves the day one last time when he uses the same blue core energy to revive Astro back to life.

65. Laird James McCullen XXIV/Destro (G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra)

"I've finally taken my place in the long line of McCullens."

Destro comes from a long line of weapon dealers who happens to be very power hungry. To have the world's leaders on their knees, he tricks the U.S. military to fund his work on the nanobite warheads then steals them back once they're finished. This starts an all out war with the G.I. Joe's. He successfully manages to bring down the Eiffel Tower in Paris but ends up burning most of his face off when he goes against Duke in his jealous rage over Ana. The Doctor saves him and uses the nanobite technology to harden his face, turning him to Destro soon after. And even after that, he gets arrested by the Joe's and is taken to a high guarded prison.

64. General Ashdown (Terminator Salvation)

"This is war, Connor. Leadership has its costs."

Many people in the resistance believe John Connor is the key to ending the war, General Ashdown isn't one of them. In fact, he flat out tells John that he believes he's actually a fake prophet. Since he's a leader of the resistance, you can see how this has them butt heads, especially when it comes to destroying Skynet Headquarters. At first they're on the same page but when John discovers there are human prisoners, including his future father, he tries to stop Ashdown, who believes casualties are necessary. In the end it's Ashdown and his leader that end up being casualties when they accidentally gives themselves up, allowing Skynet to blow them up.

63. Scott Summers/Cyclops and Emma Silverfox (X-Men Origins: Wolverine)

"I can do this!"

It's our first time seeing a young Scott Summers and an Emma who isn't Emma Frost that can harden her skin to diamond. They're both kidnapped by Victor to be experimented by Stryker for Deadpool, Scott's optic blasts eventually making the cut. When Wolverine frees them, they take off with the other young mutants, Emma using her diamond skin to block students and Scott blasting away the shooters. Eventually they run into Professor X who takes them with him to his school of mutants.

62. Lord Piccolo (Dragonball: Evolution)

"With this Dragon Ball, I take my vengeance upon the Earth."

Once again we have a villain that was absolutely BORING!!! Nearly every time Piccolo was on the screen I got bored and there was a least one scene that my eyes got heavy and threatened to glaze over. For someone who was trapped for a thousand years, he was very calm once he was free. He spends the whole movie collecting the Dragon Balls only to be stopped pretty easily in the end.

61. Big Figure (Watchmen)

"While everyone's distracted, we thought we'd bring you a little housewarming gift."

Many criminals were put in jail because of Rorschach and Big Figure was one of them. When Rorschach is thrown in the same jail, Big Figure wastes no time in trying to kill him with his goons. His plan fails horribly, and he ends up getting killed by Rorschach by the end of it. They don't show what happens, only that there's a lot of blood and toilet water so the rest is really up to the imagination.

#terminator salvation #astro boy #Dragonball: Evolution #g.i. joe #Rise of the Cobra #Surrogates #watchmen #whiteout #x-men origins: wolverine #minute men #dollar bill #mothman #the silhouette #hooded justice #captain metropolis #Charles Xavier #professor x #toad #sofia montega #wind dancer #quicksilver #pietro maximoff #sean cassidy #banshee #sarah connor #Hollis Mason #nite owl #The Hard Master #Jared Canter #daniel decobray

[tabloidtoc]

National Examiner, April 26

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Queen Elizabeth's royal rage

Page 2: Playing House -- famous best buds who shared the rent -- Dustin Hoffman and Gene Hackman, Ryan Reynolds and Michelle Williams, Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland, Danny DeVito and Michael Douglas

Page 3: Justin Long and Jonah Hill, Ving Rhames and Stanley Tucci, Eddie Redmayne and Jamie Dornan, Jason Priestley and Brad Pitt, Holly Hunter and Frances McDormand, Rob Lowe and Tom Cruise

Page 4: Matt Damon's roles and costumes

Page 6: A Delaware state trooper went above and beyond the call of duty when he surprised a little boy with a brand-new pair of Steph Curry sneakers -- Trooper Joshua Morris and nine-year-old Ra'kir Allen got to be pals when they played basketball together, along with other youths in the area and when the good-hearted cop learned that Ra'kir thought NBA star Stephen Curry of the Golden State Warriors was his idol, he got an idea, and after running the idea past Ra'kir's mother, the cop presented the aspiring sports star with his own pair of shoes -- Morris says cops should never be strangers to the people they protect, and he lives his belief every day

Page 7: Screen legend Bette Davis believed she had psychic abilities, says her assistant Kathryn Sermak, who met the legend in 1979 and was hired within five minutes of meeting her -- as her personal assistant, she was at Bette's service 24 hours a day, but the star was also very generous like if they were going to a film set, the job was seven days a week, but when it was over, she'd give Kathryn a paid vacation anywhere she wanted for as much as six weeks -- few people know that the screen idol loved to pull practical jokes on people; for instance, at cocktail hour, Bette would serve drinks in gag glasses that dribbled, and then when the liquid would pour onto her guests' expensive dresses or suits, she would innocently ask if they were okay -- the assistant also knew Bette's only child, Barbara Davis Hyman, known as B.D., whose father was Bette's third husband, Grant Sherry. Bette and her next husband, Garry Merrill, her co-star in All About Eve, also adopted two more children, Michael and Margot Merrill, but diagnosed with brain damage at age three, Margot has spent her life in institutions

Page 8: Saving Face -- take years off with simple makeup and skincare tips

Page 9: Vax Reax -- prepare for possible COVID jab side effects

Page 10: Billy Adams really knows how to get his daily steps in as the software exec walks 12 miles around Washington D.C. every day, picking up trash by hand -- during the lockdown, Billy took advantage of working from home to find a daily routine that was good for his physical and mental wellbeing, and helps beautify the city he loves -- starting in June, he began to choose a different 12-mile route every day, no matter the weather, Billy crossed from his Maryland home over into D.C. for a three-hour loop, starting at 8:30 a.m., and he picks up trash along the way and dumps bags of it into garbage cans on his route

Page 11: Tips for getting a restful night -- some tried-and-true tips for getting some rejuvenating rest

Page 12: Olivia Newton-John knows a thing or two about survival: she's had breast cancer three times over the past 28 years and has worked tirelessly to save her own life and the lives of others with her extensive research into natural remedies -- the 72-year-old Grease star says she and her husband John Easterling, who founded the Amazon Herb Company to help the world recognize the benefits of the Amazon Rainforest plants, have developed an approach called integrative medicine. It's a mix of doctor-recommended treatments and those from their own research

Page 14: Dear Tony, America's top psychic healer Tony Leggett -- never too late for romance, it will take work

Page 15: Tom Cornish is 96 years old, but age hasn't slowed him down from knitting up a storm of kindness -- over the past year, the Minnesota World War II veteran has donated nearly 500 winter hats in eye-catching colors to the Salvation Army, where he does volunteer work, and he hand-made each and every one of them

Page 16: Keeping the Peace -- TV has its share of great cops, but here are the ten best TV cops of all time -- T.J. Hooker, "Pepper" Anderson, Joe Friday, Andy Sipowicz, Richard "Hutch" Hutchinson, Kate Beckett, Lennie Briscoe, Olivia Benson, Frank Reagan, Sheriff Andy Taylor

Page 18: When a North Carolina school entered custodian Raymond Brown in the state's School Hero Award, he lost to someone else, so they made their own ceremony and gave him $35,000

Page 19: A group of ATV riders got the scare of their lives when one of their dogs stepped off the edge of a steep cliff and kept going, according to Steven Hawkins, president of the Utah ATV Association, who call themselves The Wild Bunch -- they immediately swung into action action to rescue stranded pooch Summer and got together and each took a hold of a rope with Steven at the end, climbing slowly down the face of the rocks as the others held on while looking on in horror, but in the end, the group found the strength to pull man and dog from the cliff face to safety

Page 20: Cover Story -- Queen Elizabeth is on the warpath -- palace aides are walking on eggshells around Her Majesty ever since Prince Harry and wife Meghan Markle dropped the bombshell on American TV that the royal family is a racist mess who completely ignored Meghan's mental health problems, among other horrifying accusations, and the queen will never get over the fact that Harry, without warning, turned his back on his own country and the people Elizabeth has served every day of her 95 years and she's also terrified the royal family's circus-like antics will bring on the end of the monarchy

Page 22: A California couple who were just about to retire drastically changed their plans when they adopted seven children -- Pam and Gary Willis have five children of their own and have been foster parents to many others and just as their last child was about to leave home, Pam spotted a Facebook advertisement searching for a forever home for seven kids from ages 15 to 4 whose parents had been killed in a tragic car crash -- Pam says she couldn't stop staring at their faces, saying she can't explain it, but she just knew she was supposed to be their mom and when she told Gary, she thought he'd call her a wacko because they were just about to retire, but surprisingly he agreed and they both felt it was what God wanted them to do

Page 24: High school senior Dasia Taylor is only 17, but she's going down in medical history for inventing sutures that detect if a wound is infected -- the brilliant student was named as one of 40 finalists in the Regeneron Science Talent Search, the nation's most prestigious science and math competition for high school seniors -- Dasia's sutures, which took a year to perfect, work by changing colors if the patient's PH level alters and the level changes quickly when a wound is healing and goes bad, so she began experimenting with beets, and she found that beets changed color at the perfect PH point and that's perfect for an infected wound -- the color changes from bright red to a dark purple when a wound becomes infected so it's easy to see with the naked eye and Dasia envisions the stitches being used in developing countries, so that infection can be detected with no advanced equipment -- Dasia's goal is to attend Howard University and become a lawyer

Page 25: 4 signs you may have weak bones

Page 26: Sentimental baseball fantasy Field of Dreams hit a home run with its poignant story of second chances, and as the one-of-a-kind movie celebrates its 32nd anniversary, here are some of the secrets behind the classic motion picture

Page 28: Wisdom of the stars -- inspirational quotes to light your way -- Javier Bardem, Tom Cruise, Leonardo DiCaprio, Michelle Obama, Brad Pitt, Diana Ross, Justin Timberlake, Meryl Streep, Anne Hathaway

Page 29: Beyonce, Barack Obama, George Clooney, Sidney Poitier, Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Rihanna, Will Smith, Matt Damon, Ariana Grande

Page 32: Get Insects to Bug Off -- save your picnic and your sanity with DIY tricks

Page 40: Chakras -- Your powers begin within -- what chakras are and what they do

Page 42: 10 facts about Law & Order: SVU

Page 44: Eyes on the Stars -- Blake Shelton says he's hoping for a summer wedding with fiance Gwen Stefani, Sylvester Stallone is writing a potential TV prequel to his Rocky film franchise, Tara Reid recently wiped out on the red carpet in six-inch platform heels, Evelyn Sakash who worked on art direction on Mermaids was recently found dead in her NYC home months after she was reported missing in September 2020, Dancing with the Stars pro Sharna Burgess recently made her red carpet debut in Malibu with beau Brian Austin Green, Jeffrey Dean Morgan admits he's still shocked about The Walking Dead coming to a close later this year, Martha Stewart made waves last summer when she posted a sultry selfie on social media and admits she got so many proposals and so many propositions

Page 45: Rita Moreno attends the SAG Awards via video (picture), Selena Gomez and Martin Short shares some giggles on a NYC set (picture), Mary Steenburgen playfully serenades husband Ted Danson (picture), Helen Mirren (picture), Joe Giudice recently met Luis "Louie" Ruelas who is the current boyfriend of his former wife Teresa Giudice, Salma Hayek has joined the cast of House of Gucci playing clairvoyant Pina Auriemma, Ben Affleck gushed over ex Jennifer Lopez in a recent interview

Page 46: Two best friends are even closer after one rescued the other using CPR, a single day after she completed a course on how to administer the life-saving technique -- Torri'ell Norwood, age 16, was at the wheel when a speeding driver rammed her car, sending it hurtling smack into a tree and the St. Petersburg, Florida teen climbed through the window to safety when her door wouldn't open, and two of her three passengers also managed to get out, but her BFF A'zarria Simmons was still inside the wreck unconscious -- Torri'ell had just completed her CPR training the day before and knew what to do so she pulled her pal from the vehicle and, when she couldn't find a pulse, administered 30 compressions and two rescue breaths until A'zarria regained consciousness and paramedics soon arrived and rushed the girl to a hospital

Page 47: Get out of the wind and rain, or just find some shade, while you wait for the next bus in these quirky, fruit-shaped sculpture bus stops -- the idea began in Japan and is now spreading to other countries, so don't be surprised to see a super-sized piece of fruit at the end of your block in the near future

#tabloid #grain of salt #tabloid toc #tabloidtoc #queen elizabeth #prince harry #meghan markle #matt damon #bette davis #kathryn sermak #olivia newton john #olivia newton-john #tony leggett #dasia taylor #field of dreams #ray liotta #burt lancaster #kevin costner #chakras #law & order: svu #rita moreno #selena gomez #martin short #mary steenburgen #ted danson #helen mirren #blake shelton #gwen stefani #sylvester stallone #rocky

[randomrichards]

MOVIES (THAT MIGHT BE) WORTH CHECKING OUT IN JUNE 2019:

June 7:

DARK PHOENIX

We begin with the last part of the X-Men prequel series.

Led by a young Professor Charles Xavier (James McAvoy), a small group of young mutants have grown from students to superheroes. They can even travel to space to rescue astronauts. But one interstellar mission goes wrong when telekinetic psychic Jean Grey (Sophia Turner) absorbs a mysterious energy. She not only survives, but she’s become more powerful. But this power begins to corrupt her mind, which attracts the attention of a mysterious woman (Jessica Chastain). Soon she becomes the destructive force known as the Dark Phoenix. Now her friends and mentors must decide how to stop her. Charles and Jean’s boyfriend Scott “Cyclops” Summers (Tye Sheridan) try to save her from the corrupt energy. Metal-bending holocaust survivor Erik “Magneto” Lehnsherr (Michael Fassbender) believes the world can only be saved by killing Jean. We also see the return of fan favourites including Peter “Quicksilver” Maximoff (Evan Peters), Raven aka Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence), Hank “Beast” McCoy (Nicholas Hoult) and Ororo “Storm” Munroe (Alexandra Shipp).

Dark Phoenix saga is considered one of the most beloved X-Men stories of all time. It was the story that made Jean both a complex character and one of the most powerful characters in the Marvel Universe. Fox Studios tried their hand at the story in X-Men: The Last Stand. The results were less than stellar. If they fail the second time, there will be hell to pay from the fans.

That’s where Simon Kinberg comes in. This will be his directorial debut after writing previous X-Men movies. This is a mixed bag. On one hand, he wrote one of the best X-Men films; Days of Future Past. But he also wrote the Last Stand as well as the underwhelming X-Men: Apocalypse. It also doesn’t help that he wrote Fan4Stic and This is War. So, we’re just going to have to wait and see if it will live up to the legendary story.

LATE NIGHT

Mindy Kaling draws inspiration from her early years as a TV writer for Saturday Night Live and The Office for this career-driven comedy.

It looks like Molly Patel (Kaling) is on her way to becoming a tv writer when she gets her first writing gig as staff writer for “Tonight with Katherine Newberry.” But she already feels out of place as the token hire in a room full of white male Harvard grads. It doesn’t help that the host(Emma Thompson) is a real hard ass. Unfortunately, Katherine has her own problems. She’s plummeting in the ratings and if she doesn’t turn it around, she will be gone in a year. In desperation, Katherine seeks advice from her writers to spruce up her image. It looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Many will notice parallels between Late Night and the Devil Wears Prada. Like the later, Late Night centres on a naïve young woman dealing with an over demanding boss in their attempt to achieve her dream job. As you may already know, The Devil Wears Prada was a surprise hit thanks to Streep’s unique portrayal of feared fashion magazine mogul Miranda Priestly and there were a few attempts to replicate it. The result is hit and miss at best.

For this to succeed, both the writing and the performances must click. The script needs to have a clear understanding of the business it’s portraying. With this in mind, Kaling has an advantage with her experience as both a tv writer of The Office and the creator of The Mindy Project. But writing for a weekly sitcom is a little different from writing for a daily late-night show.

The most important character to get right is the boss. The writing must make this character entertaining, with many hilarious lines for the actor to deliver. Plus, the audience must buy that this character has earned respect in the business. As for the actor, she not only have to deliver a hilarious performance, but must also bring some humanity into this archetype. Not only did Streep provide a unique spin to the Boss from Hell with Priestly, but she also made the character human. If anyone can provide the same quality, it’s Thompson.

THE SECRET LIFE OF PETS 2

Illumination takes us back to their surprise hit about what pets do when the humans aren’t allowed.

While the first film centres on one storyline, this one seems to be divided the film into multiple stories. The first plot centres on canine protagonist Max (Patton Oswalt replacing Louis C.K.). He has gotten used to new dog Duke (Eric Stonestreet), but now he faces the idea of his owner Katie (Ellie Kemper) getting married and having a kid. But on the plus side, they get to go on a road trip to the countryside. But that goes downhill when Max gets terrorized by a turkey. In desperation, he seeks guidance from stern top dog Rooster (Harrison Ford) to overcome his fears.

Meanwhile, Max’s friends are having their own adventures. Max’s toy is left in a cat lady’s room and Max’s love Gidget (Jenny Slate) disguises herself as a cat to get it back.  At the same time, deranged bunny Snowball (Kevin Hart) has gone from freeing pets to playing superhero for a little girl. But he seizes the opportunity to be a real superhero when a dog named Daisy (Tiffany Haddish) calls on him to rescue a white tiger named Hu from a circus.

When Illumination introduced the world to Gru and his Minions with Despicable Me, it felt like the animation world has a new voice. With a collection of memorable characters, fast-paced visual gags and a unique, hipster-esque look, the film seemed like a breath of fresh air, especially compared to the similar film Megamind. Since then, the film has presented one hit film after another, especially the Secret Life of Pets. Then audience members began losing patience for Illumination for two reasons. First reason was the Minions. At first, they became fan favorites of Despicable Me.[1] But then they were everywhere, from carnival prizes to memes. Overexposure set in and no one could stand them anymore.

Another problem was that Illumination played it too safe with their movies. They play it too safe with their budget, creating each film with a much lower budget than most animated movies. While it’s miracle for an animated film to be made on a low budget, the result is less impressive animation and more rehashed character designs. Just as unimpressive is the storytelling, which most often uses tired tropes with little refreshing spin on it. The Secret Life of Pets itself was accused of being a Toy Story rip off. Apart from the Despicable Me movies, Illumination Movies are considered mediocre at best.

It’s important for filmmakers to grow as artists to avoid becoming stale and complacent. But I’m not holding my breath in this case. I will say this film may serve as a good afternoon out for the family.

June 12:

ROLLING THUNDER REVIEW: A BOB DYLAN STORY

Coming to Netflix is this rockumentary from Martin Scorsese. Need I say more?

Scorsese had already made a documentary about Bob Dylan with No Direction Home. Now he narrows his focus to Dylan’s 1975 Rolling Thunder tour.

As if I need to defend interest in this movie. It’s Martin Scorsese after all.

June 14:

AMERICAN WOMAN

Sienna Miller plays Deb, a blue-collar woman struggling to make ends meet in a small Pennsylvanian town. She faces her worst nightmare when her teenage daughter goes missing, leaving Deb with her grandson. The film takes place over 11 years as Deb raises the baby and tries to find closure with her daughters’ disappearance.

American Woman’s already garnering acclaim from its premier at last year’s Toronto International Film Festival, especially from Miller’s performance as a desperate mother. It looks like the film will hook us into the desperation of a woman trying to keep a roof over her head. We may also see a realistic look at the struggle of living in poverty. In these moments, we may also see the strength that allows people like Deb to survive in such environments.

Sadly, it looks like this one will be swept under the radar unless Miller gains awards consideration.

THE DEAD DON’T DIE

Jim Jarmusch takes an unexpected turn into Zombie comedy with The Dead Don’t Die.

The little town of Centreville finds its peaceful existence threatened when zombies rise from the grave. That’s the plot in a nutshell. What could make this film stand out is the quirky characters including Bill Murray as Police Chief Cliff Robertson, Tilda Swinton as katana-wielding mortician Zelda Winston and Iggy Pop as a coffee-loving Punk Zombie. Also, among the cast are Adam Driver, Steve Buscemi, Danny Glover, Selena Gomez, Carol Kane, Rosie Perez, RZA, Chloe Sevigny and Tom Waits.

This is probably the least likely film for Jarmusch to make. He’s usually known for droll character studies. His films do have humor, but it’s usually low key. The trailers make this film seem like a broad comedy. I suspect this could be a trick by the trailer considering I see a few of Jarmusch’s trademarks; droll acting, eccentric characters and roles played by musicians.

I suspect that Jarmusch loved how George A. Romero inserted satirical commentary into the Zombie Genre because you can see similar elements in this film. Both films have zombies copying activities they’ve done in life. In this case, we see zombies holding cell phones and drinking coffee. It would be interesting to see what satire Jarmusch puts into the film.

MEN IN BLACK: INTERNATIONAL

We return to the intergalactic secret agency, though without Agents J and K.

A young woman (Tessa Thompson) has found the MIB Agency after decades of searching. This impossible accomplishment impresses Agent O (Emma Thompson) so much that O recruits her under the name Agent M. Her first assignment takes her to London, where she’s teamed up with leader High T (Liam Neeson) and fellow Agent H (Chris Hemsworth). Their case brings him face to face with the Hive, a gang of shape-shifting aliens. Cue an array of giant laser guns, flying cars and noisy crickets.

A spin off to such a successful franchise is a huge gamble. The chances of success are very slim[2], especially when the original films starred one of the most charismatic actors of all time. Yes, Hemsworth, Neeson and the Thompsons have a lot of charm, but filling the shoes of Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones is a daunting task. The film seems to have potential with a variety of environments, creative weapons and creative alien designs. Plus, it looks like the little alien Pawny (Kumail Nanjiani) could be a potential scene stealer.

There is hope in the form of Director F. Gary Gray. He’s proven his skills as an action director with The Fate of the Furious as well as underrated gems like The Italian Job and Set it Off. He’s also proved he can direct comedy via Friday. With this resume, it seems fitting for him to direct a movie like this. It may not hold a candle to the original, but at least this film looks like it will be entertaining.

June 21:

ANNA

Luc Besson really loves himself some lady killers, doesn’t he?

This time the lady killer is Anna Poliatova (Sasha Luss), a former Russian model turned Government assassin. There’s not much known about the plot beyond her boss (Helen Mirren) sending her to a job in Paris. It’s certain to involve Luke Evan’s character. It also looks like the film will be structured around an interrogation between Anna and Cilian’ Murphy’s agent.

But let’s be honest, you don’t really watch a Luc Besson film for the plots. You watch it for the badass action scenes and eye-catching visuals. The trailer certainly delivers on these, with one standout fight scene in a dining room, cultivating in Anna killing bodyguards using broken plates..

The question is if the plot is engaging enough for us to sit through two hours? Or should we just wait for the dining room fight scene to appear on YouTube? Unfortunately, his films have been lacking in quality in recent years. This one could turn it around, but I suspect this is another example of a director letting his style run amok at the expense of storytelling.

CHILD’S PLAY

Chucky returns to the big screen after a couple straight to video sequels.

Many of you know the story like the back of your hand. Single mother Karen Barclay (Aubrey Plaza) buys her son Andy (Gabriel Bateman) a Chucky toy. Then one night, Andy’s babysitter’s found dead outside of her home. And as everyone knows by now, it turns out the Chucky Doll (now voiced by Mark Hamill) is possessed by a serial killer who’s determined to pass his soul into Andy.

Like many horror fans, I’m tired of all the remakes of horror classics. Everyone knows they are lazy cash grabs. They are especially unnecessary we are seeing a growing number of original horror movies.

I will admit I find the idea of Chucky connected to the technology ala Alexa interesting. To think of him manipulating the environment present opportunities for more original kills.

This film will mark the first time Chucky’s not voiced by Brad Dourif. I have high hopes for Hamill, but like Freddy Krueger, you can’t imagine anyone else playing these characters because the original actors made the characters their own. You only hear Chucky’s voice at the end of the latest trailer, and it sounds a lot like Dourif’s. But it’s not enough to judge Hamill’s performance. I’m still not holding my breath.

THE COMMAND (or KURSK)

On one Saturday morning of August 2000, an explosion sends the 2000 K-141 Kursk to the bottom of the sea. Now Mikhail Averin (Matthias Schoenaerts) and fellow German sailors fight for survival. Meanwhile, Mikhail’s wife Tanya (Lea Seydoux) fights to get the Government to save her husband. British Commodore David Russell (Colin Firth) offers his men and equipment to rescue them but the bureaucracy led by Vladimir Petrenko (Max Von Sydow) prevent them from doing so.

Drawing from Robert Moore’s non-fiction book A Time to Die, The Command brings an unflinching portrayal of Government negligence putting innocent lives at risk and average people putting up a fight for those they love.

Director Thomas Vinterberg has had a fascinating career. He’s started out as one of the founding members of Dogme95, a film movement that involves making films as realistically as possible. Not only were you required to shoot improvised and on location, but you couldn’t even move the set pieces or use film lighting. This led to his most acclaimed film Festen (or the Celebration), an unflinching drama about a party where the staff helps a man reveal that his father molested his sister and drove her to suicide. But in recent years, he has flipped between sticking to his roots with the recent film the Commune and his Oscar-nominated film the Hunt and period dramas like Far from the Madding Crowd and this film. He’s proven himself just as skills with conventional films as he is with his Dogma.

This film has a better chance of gaining attention since it’s an English-speaking film. But this may be another film only show in arthouse theatres.

TOY STORY 4

Pixar returns to the film that jump started the revolution of CGI animated classics.

Woody (Tom Hanks), Buzz (Tim Allen) and their friends are enjoying their new roles as Bonnie’s toys. Now Emily’s new toy includes Forky (Toby Hale), a neurotic toy made from a spork, popsicle sticks and googly eyes. Woody makes it his duty to protect Bonnie’s new favourite toy. But Forky would rather be a disposable utensil than a toy. During a road trip, Forky hops out the window to freedom and Woody jumps out to get him back. Of course, they end up lost and need to talk a long journey back. Their long walk leads them to Grand Basin, a small town where a carnival’s taking place. That’s where he reunites with his old flame Bo Peep (Annie Potts), who enjoys an independent life alongside other antique toy. He also encounters arrogant Canadian stunt toy Duke Caboom (Keanu Reeves) and a creepy doll Gabby (Christina Hendricks), who’s determined to keep Woody at an old antique shop alongside her creepy Dummy henchman.

Meanwhile, Buzz is at Grand Basin to look for Woody. His attempts are undermined by the carnival, especially two hostile plushies Bunny (Jordan Peele) and Ducky (Keegan-Michael Key).

When Toy Story came out, it revolutionized the animation industry. Not only was it the first CGI-animated film, but it put Pixar on the map as a force to be reckon with. It also set a standard in storytelling for the later films to reach, which it kept surpassing with each sequel. Then it hit its highest peak with the third movie, which served as the perfect send off.[3] It’s exciting to return to the series. Albeit, there are some reservations about making a fourth movie, especially with how perfect Toy Story 3’s ending was. But with Andrew Stanton (co-writer of the original trilogy and the Director of Finding Nemo and Wall-E) co-writing the script alongside Stephany Folsom, I have a lot of hope for this one. And many want this to succeed.

WILD ROSE

A Scottish woman becomes a Nashville country singer. A feel-good premise like this is sure to make audiences curious.

The singer in question is Rose-Lynn Harland (Jessie Buckley), a troubled ex-con struggling to feed her family in Glasgow. Now she faces many struggles to get back on her feet and achieve her dream. Considering the fact many country singers were ex-cons, it looks like she’s off to a good start.

Audience members love themselves an underdog story and this one seems like an entertaining one. Plus, Buckley’s garnering acclaim for her performance. If this film gets enough attention, this could be a sleeper hit.

June 28:

OPHELIA

Based on the novel by Lisa Klein, Ophelia retells the story of Hamlet from Ophelia’s point of view. This can either be compelling or blah. It depends on whether the writing can go beyond just being “Hamlet...but with Ophelia” and present a whole new perspective on the tragedy and bring new dimension to the characters. There have been successful attempts with Paula Vogel’s Desdemona: A Play about a Handkerchief and especially Tom Stoppard’s Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead.

The question is, does Semi Chellas have what it takes to pull this off? The only real standouts in her resume are writing for Mad Men and the Romanoffs, which fit into the character-oriented drama like Ophelia. Director Claire McCarthy seems to do a lot of films of people traveling to foreign countries. Beyond that, nothing really stands out about her work.

What she does have going for her is an astounding cast including Clive Owen, Naomi Watts and Daisy Ridley taking on the title role.

YESTERDAY

What if you woke up one morning and found you were the only person who remembered the Beatles? That is what happens to struggling musician Jack Malik (Himesh Patel) when he goes through the classic trope of getting knocked upside the head and waking up in a world where weird shit like this happens. He takes advantage of this opportunity to claim credit for the songs and garner worldwide fame.

What does concern me is the premise can fill two hours of screen time. To me, this seems like it could fill a half-hour short film. It all depends on how engaging the characters are, especially Jack. If we can’t relate to him, it’s all over. There is hope with co-writer Richard Curtis, whose created classic romantic comedies including Four Weddings and a Funeral and Bridget Jones Diary as well as co-creating Blackadder and Mr. Bean. But he’s also written mediocre romantic comedies like About Time, so there’s no guarantee.

And then there’s director Danny Boyle, the man whose energetic directing style has provided such modern classics in every genre, whether they be anti-drug dramas (Trainspotting), biopics (127 Hours) or even an underdog story from India (Slumdog Millionaire). But his films have become more hit and miss lately, with no real standout since Steve Jobs.

There’s strong credibility but no guarantee.

[1] Most of this is because unlike other sidekicks, they contributed more to the plot beyond random gags.

[2] There are a few spin offs that succeeded both critically and commercially. Among them are Creed, Deadpool and Finding Dory.

[3] Plus, it’s the only sequel to win the Oscar for Best Animated Feature.

#random richards #dark phoenix #late night #mib international #men in black #toy story 4 #Secret life of pets 2 #illumination #the dead don't die #american woman #child's play #luc besson #the command #kursk #wild rose #yesterday #ophelia #danny boyle #X-men

[gyrlversion]

Dumbo flies again! Everything you need to know about blockbuster

The whimsical story of a flying baby elephant melted hearts when it hit the big screen in 1941, and has been a family favourite ever since.

Now, 78 years on, a whole new generation of children are set to fall in love with the tiny elephant with the big ears with Disney’s live-action remake of Dumbo. 

And thanks to an array of technical wizardry, the computer- animated junior jumbo looks just as real as his human co-stars.

So just what did it take to bring this £90 million epic to our screens?

From actors in purple suits covered in tennis balls to an RAF hangar and rumours of an on-set romance, Alison Boshoff reveals the secrets of how Dumbo took flight — and all without a single real elephant . . .

The live-action remake of Disney’s Dumbo, which stars Colin Farrell, Michael Keaton, Danny DeVito, Eva Green, Nico Parker and Finley Hobbin, is set for release on March 29

Based on 1941 animated classic (pictured), the storyline faces some changes including Timothy Mouse, who originally hlps Dumbo, being dropped 

The British Boffins who made magic

Like Disney’s 2016 remake of The Jungle Book, the computer-generated animals in Dumbo are hyper-realistic, but have been given human expressions. With his large, liquid, blue-green eyes, the adorable Dumbo has reduced preview audiences to tears.

But bringing Dumbo to life took some doing, with British visual effects firm Moving Picture Company — who won an Oscar for The Jungle Book and are working on this year’s Lion King remake — adding in all the CGI elements after the scenes had been shot.

For the actual takes, the cast came face to face with a range of models and human stand-ins.

Bringing Dumbo to life took some doing, with the British visual effects firm Moving Picture Company behind Oscar-winner The Jungle Book adding in all the CGI elements after the scenes had been shot

Colin Farrell, who stars as former circus performer Holt Farrier, explained: ‘We have a couple of people in green suits, and a couple in aluminium outlines of how big an elephant would be with eyes represented by little tennis balls.

‘The baby was green and the mama was purple, and I guess when they draw it, that’s how they separate it.’

In one scene where the elephants are seen walking off a train, the ramps were pulled down by a hydraulic pump to make it look as if they were bending under the beasts’ weight.

Other special effects included making the straw from which Dumbo first emerges move as if a real elephant was wriggling out.

Danny DeVito, who plays circus owner Max Medici, said: ‘There’s a fake trunk coming out, and the special effects people have little filaments that move the hay. And that’s really cool to watch.’

There’s an animal rights agenda  

The original film was a simple fable about an elephant who could fly, if only he believed in himself.

In the new film, the human storylines have been vastly expanded. Set in 1919, just after World War I, much of it is about the men who run rival circuses.

The question of whether it is right to exploit animals is also answered in a way that will appeal to modern sensibilities.

Originally set as a fable about an elephant who can fly, the new version looks at animal rights abuses and whether it should be legal to exploit any animal

Farrell’s character is a war veteran who has lost an arm. ‘He was away for five years, and by the time he comes back, the two children have been raised by the circus and his wife has died,’ says Farrell. ‘So he is a single father ill-equipped to deal with parenthood or the changes in the circus.’

Holt’s friend Medici, in financial trouble, buys an elephant to try to bring in the crowds. Mrs Jumbo has baby Dumbo — and when it’s discovered he can fly, Medici thinks his troubles are over. However, the villainous V.A. Vandevere (Michael Keaton), wants Dumbo for his amusement park, Dreamland.

Farrell adds: ‘It’s a new narrative . . .There’s the shyster type of circus leader with a heart of gold, that’s Danny. Then there’s the evil, megalomaniacal owner of the really big fantastical circus.’

…But Timothy Mouse is dropped  

After losing his mother in the original, Dumbo is helped by Timothy Mouse, who persuades him he can fly with the help of a ‘magic feather’. 

Yet Timothy doesn’t feature in this version. Instead it is Milly and Joe, the children of Holt Farrier, who discover that Dumbo can fly after he inhales a feather and, while sneezing it out of his trunk, becomes airborne.

Finley Hobbin and Nico Parker star as the children of Holt Farrier to replace Timothy Mouse. They realise that Dumbo can fly when he inhales a magical feather

Roles for Batman and the penguin  

Dumbo is directed by Tim Burton, who revamped Alice In Wonderland into a billion-pound blockbuster in 2010; critics say he is about to repeat the trick.

Though Burton has a reputation for the Gothic and phantasmagorical, many of his films have scenes that touch the tear ducts.

Who can forget the magical moment in 1990’s Edward Scissor-hands where Johnny Depp, as Edward, carves an ice sculpture and creates a blizzard under which Winona Ryder dances? 

Describing his attraction to the Dumbo project, Burton said: ‘It’s symbolic of things that don’t fit in, and trying to find your place in the world.

‘Also, circuses always seemed to have that kind of . . . you know, just weirdos from all over the world, and that was always appealing.’

Child star with a ‘lioness’ Mum  

Nico Parker, the 14-year-old daughter of British actress Thandie Newton and director Oliver Parker, makes her acting debut playing Milly Farrier. Finley Hobbins plays her brother, Joe.

‘At first it was nerve-racking remaking such a classic story,’ said Nico. ‘In the end, though, I got swept up in the magic of it all — the costumes, stunts, effects.’

As Nico was 12, a tutor provided her with lessons on set. But this wasn’t the only person watching over her. 

Nico Parker, the 14-year-old daughter of British actress Thandie Newton and director Oliver Parker, makes her acting debut playing Milly Farrier

Mum Thandie said: ‘Having a mother and father in the industry . . . she’s been on endless sets. It’s not that she takes it for granted, but it’s not a world she feels she’s not entitled to be in.

‘She has her mum right there like a lioness checking that everything is looked after.’

Romance on the flying trapeze 

Neither cares to confirm it, but director Burton, 60, appears to be enjoying a romance with 38-year-old French actress Eva Green — who is also his muse.

She appears in Dumbo as trapeze artist Colette Marchant.

They met when she starred in his 2012 film Dark Shadows and seem to have started dating in late 2015, about a year after he and actress Helena Bonham Carter announced their 13-year relationship was over.

Did Walt mock his striking staff?  

At only 64 minutes long, the 1941 original was the shortest Disney feature ever made. The new version is 130 minutes.

Walt Disney declined to write more for the first movie, saying: ‘You can stretch a story so far, and after that it won’t hold together.’ It was based on 1938 book Dumbo The Flying Elephant, by Helen Aberson and Harold Pearl.

Following on from Pinocchio and Fantasia — both costly and relative flops — Walt instructed animators to keep the film inexpensive.

Veteran filmmaker Tim Burton (right) is in the director’s chair for the first time since 2016’s Alice Through the Looking Glass. Colin Farrell (left) stars as Holt Farrier

The characters are simpler and backgrounds less detailed, with the film costing just £715,000 (£12.2million today) to make — half what Snow White had in 1938.

Yet it became an instant hit and was the most successful Disney film of the 1940s, grossing £1.2 million (equivalent to £20.5 million) during its original release.

Time magazine even had plans to honour Dumbo as ‘Mammal of the Year’. But then the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor and they opted for a more serious cover.

Dumbo’s beautiful animations took some time. A scene where the clowns decide to ‘hit the big boss for a raise’ seems to be Walt mocking the animators who went on a five-week strike during production.

Hankies out…the song is back  

One of the most poignant moments in the 1941 film is the lullaby Baby Mine, sung to Dumbo by his mother during a brief reunion. 

It has been re-worked by the band Arcade Fire for the new film, where it is sung by Glaswegian actress Sharon Rooney — made famous by E4 TV drama My Mad Fat Diary — who plays circus performer Miss Atlantis.

A behemoth in Bedfordshire  

The 2019 Dumbo was mostly shot in Shed 2 at Cardington, Bedfordshire — a behemoth originally built by the RAF during World War I to hold airships.

Movies shot there include Batman Begins, Inception and Fantastic Beasts. The total amount of floor space is 223,000 sq ft — or five acres — making it five times the size of the largest sound stage available in Hollywood.

The sheds fell out of service after an experimental hydrogen-filled airship, the R101, crashed during its maiden voyage in 1930, killing 48 of the 54 people on board.

Cardington became a storage station and the RAF ended its association with it in 2000. Warner Brothers started using it in 2005 and the hangars became available for renting by other film studios in 2012.

Sets created in Shed 2 for Dumbo included a full-size circus big top. Farrell said: ‘Cardington, the stage is like nothing I’ve ever seen.

‘I’ve been lucky enough in the past 20 years to be around some extraordinary sets. But I’ve never seen anything like the boulevard.’

Oscar winners’ artful outlook  

Production designer Rick Heinrichs, who won an Oscar for Burton’s Sleepy Hollow, is behind the look of the film.

He wanted it to look like a painting by American Depression-era master Edward Hopper. Period circus costumes are by Colleen Atwood, who has won four Oscars.

The sequel that never happened  

After the millennium, plans were made for a Dumbo II, with him and his circus friends stranded in the city. There were to be twin bears, Claude and Lolly, a zebra, an ostrich and a hippo.

Announced in 2001, it was cancelled in 2006 by the new chief creative officer of Disney Animation Studios, John Lasseter.

DUMBO arrives in cinemas on March 29.

The post Dumbo flies again! Everything you need to know about blockbuster appeared first on Gyrlversion.

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[mrjeremydylan]

My Favorite Album #188 - The Bitter Script Reader on Tom Hanks’ classic rock’n’roll movie ‘That Thing You Do’ (1996)

Film author and blogger the Bitter Script Reader joins me to celebrate Tom Hanks' classic 1996 film That Thing You Do, the best rock'n'roll biopic to only feature fictional pop bands.

We talk about how the film embodies the spirit of early 60s rock, as well as the spirit of Tom Hanks, how Hanks used his leverage as the biggest movie star on earth to get this idiosyncratic little film made, how the original songs in the film feel authentic to the period without feeling like parodies of real 60s rock, the trick of creating fake historical stars in films set amongst real history, how Fountains of Wayne's Adam Schlesinger was responsible for the title song and how the film morally diverges from almost all other rock'n'roll movies.

Listen in the player above or download the episode by clicking here.

Subscribe to the podcast in iTunes here or in other podcasting apps by copying/pasting our RSS feed - http://myfavoritealbum.libsyn.com/rss My Favorite Album is a podcast unpacking the great works of pop music. Each episode features a different songwriter or musician discussing their favorite album of all time - their history with it, the making of the album, individual songs and the album’s influence on their own music. Jeremy Dylan is a filmmaker, journalist and photographer from Sydney, Australia who has worked in the music industry since 2007. He directed the the feature music documentary Jim Lauderdale: The King of Broken Hearts (out now!) and the feature film Benjamin Sniddlegrass and the Cauldron of Penguins, in addition to many commercials and music videos.

If you’ve got any feedback or suggestions, drop us a line at [email protected].

LINKS

- The Bitter Script Reader on Twitter, his blog and buy his book ‘Michael Fucking Bay’ here.

- Buy ‘That Thing You Do’ the film and the soundtrack.

- Jeremy Dylan’s website, Twitter, Instagram and Facebook page.

- Like the podcast on Facebook here.

- If you dig the show, please leave a rating or review of the show on iTunes here.

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#podcast #bitter script reader #tom hanks #the wonders #dave clark five #steve zahn #liv tyler #tb player #the beatles