#deaif

[deepend-swimmer]

okay but TTID being hidden for two years is driving me fucking crazy!! this shit was written alongside you're losing me and I AM LOSING MY MIND, because it means Taylor wrote Midnights with TTID already on her sleeve and she released Midnights not as the ultimate break up album, but as the ultimate nights that will drive you crazy before you break up but in the end you win The Great War, bc at that point she thought her and Joe had prevailed, so she kept all the torturing thoughts she bared out on TTID to herself, bc she had won The Great War. AND THEN, BOOM! So she gives us You're Losing Me, that was probably written as a piece of TTID, but it wouldn't fit, it wouldn't fit on TTID, bc it kept her awake all of those nights, all of those nights she spent wondering if she was losing the great war, so it had to go with Midnights, it had to.

#i'm gonna go crazy until april 19 #someone call CAPS bc I don't belong alongside the normies anymore #taylor swift #midnights #the tortured poets department #ttid #you're losing me #deaif #i'm begging someone to come fight me on the asks on a very especific matter so i can put some thoughts out of my mind

[j-artchid]

Day 4 of UAL Programme in Art and Design: Hat Day. My group was assigned to design a paper hat using the figure of a hummingbird as a starting point.

#artschool #artoftheday #artists on tumblr #artwork #art #paperhat #hatdesign #hatdesigner #hat #fashion #catwalk #modelphotography #designer #design #deaif

[deepend-swimmer]

why is Carmy so damn hard to write bruh

#he is killing me #I can't curse enough to make him seem realistic and I curse all the damn time #fuck Carmen Berzatto man #the bear #deaif

[deepend-swimmer]

love you goodbye

Summary: “Still at a very early age, Billy found out dreams weren't for anyone. Certainly weren't for people like them, or at least that was what Neil had said.

California felt like a dream, until it didn't anymore. He doesn't like to look back at that night, but that night loves to haunt him.

It bleeds into Hawkins, into his other monsters. A constant nightmare, that is what his life felt very much like.

He wonders if now, after his heart stopped beating, after his body gave up, will it be like waking up? Will it be like the end of nightmare, opening your eyes to a new day, to a better life?

He doubts it, that sounds too much like a dream for him.

///

Somehow Billy survives Starcourt. 

Gratitude is not among the things he feels about his survival, not when he knows he has to go back to a much more real (and much more angry) monster than whatever it was that took him.

Hawkins and California start to bleed in together, a gory mess of everything that haunts him. Billy can't tell apart past and present no more.

Or rather, he can't do it alone. 

Because much like in his past, he might have people to make the darkness clearer. That is, if he doesn't lose them this time around.”

Relationships: Steve Harrington/Billy Hargrove, Billy Hargrove & Max Mayfield, Billy & Steve, Steve & Max, Steve & Robin, Billy & Heather, Billy & His Mother, Billy & Neil, Billy & Original Characters

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced domestic violence, canon typical violence, overall bad parenting (Neil Hargrove is, in fact, his own warning), homophobia (period-typical), racism (not from Billy)

Chapters: around 12

Word Count: 1st chapter 5.6k

a/n: The work is just too big to post here, also it's multi-chapter, so I will only put the ao3 link as a reblog so it doesn't bug the tags!

#dave writes #love you goodbye #lyg #deaif #stranger things #wips #my works #harringrove #billy hargrove x steve harrington #billy hargrove #steve harrington #max mayfield

[deepend-swimmer]

sobbing to the great war does hit very different right now

#deaif

[deepend-swimmer]

holy shit if someone had told me breaking up is this bad i never would have even started

#deaif

[deepend-swimmer]

not fair how I eventually get haunted by the choices I have made, like what do you mean I want to know what would have been if I chose cinema and had moved to the capital with all my friends? Isn't my day to day life torturous enough that now I also have to wonder what could have been?

#might have to consider unfollowing a bunch of people bc getting an occasional reminder of my biggest heartbreak isn't that nice #don't fall for your best friend my guys it does not end well #deaif

[deepend-swimmer]

every day I wake up and remember the lyrics for Bigger than The Whole Sky and I cry and then I remember that I heard this song live in person and I cry more

#taylor swift #midnights #deaif

[deepend-swimmer]

I'm fucking done with you Carmen Berzatto, you have not defeated me. Anyways, here is my new work, go check it out if you are up for some good old fashioned Carmy angst (starring no other than New York fucking Chef)

#the bear #carmy berzatto #natalie sugar berzatto #sydney adamu #of course we have my fucking guy Luca #deaif #dave writes

[deepend-swimmer]

carmy can't wait for what I am about to put him through in this next wip

#the bear #carmy berzatto #deaif

[deepend-swimmer]

i always thought that the whole crying for someone else's pain was this fictionalised thing and then, my boyfriend cried for me for the first time and holy shit, how can you love someone this much

#deaif #dave finds the love of his life

[deepend-swimmer]

just went through my drafts and holy shot some really heavy stuff but it is just so shocking to read these stuff being on the place that i am right now. like there i was begging god to kill me or just someone love me, being so sure that i would never make it through high school. yet, here i am, on my second year of college, living in europe, with a boyfriend that loves me very much, and i have never been healthier (at least mentally) like stuff really do get better and it really is worthy to stick around to see what the future holds

#deaif #dave gets emotional

[deepend-swimmer]

when you are taking uquiz to pass time and have fun together and in the question "are you loyal on talking stage?" and he choses "yes, i am trying to make her mine" and looks at you right after, yeah that's how I know I'm in for a ride

#not me falling for the first guy i go on a date in Europe fucking hungarian boys who are too akward about how into you they are #currently on the addiction stage where the dopamine thrill of the first dates are so much you can not stop wanting to see them #deaif #dave survives europe!

[deepend-swimmer]

communication actually works what the fuck

#i might have just solved all my current mommy issues on talk alone #deaif

[deepend-swimmer]

marvel when they started casting for eternals

#it's the truth #i mean we have angelina jolie gemma chan richard madden kumail najiani and salma hayek #they really went off #marvel #mcu #the eternals #eternals #deaif

[deepend-swimmer]

it's been in my mind ever since the second episode was released but i swear that if we get a "there was only one bed" in tfatws while they go to germany i will not be responding for my actions

#MY INTUITION NEVER MISSES ON THIS TYPE OF STUFF GUYS #since friday I've been thinking 'there is only going to be one bed on the hotel in germany' #bc like one bed trope is great for comedy yes but it's also great to bring up bucky's nightmares especially in such a triggering situation #i swear to god that if i have these husbands in a one bed trope i will cry for days on end #please marvel please i don't care about the queerbaiting if it's good quality #tfatws #sambucky #sam wilson #bucky barnes #there was only one bed!!! #deaif #we look damn good tho