#demi says words

[the-yearning-astronaut]

Do people know there's a difference between:

an aro spec character being "cured" of their aromanticism by their "one true love" by the end of the narrative

And:

An aro spec character who finds one of the few people they happen to click with in an amorous (but not necessarily romantic) way by the end of the narrative

Does anyone understand that aromanticism is a SPECTRUM and that someone writing an aro character finding someone they want to be in a relationship with might be doing so for reasons other than 'curing' them?

And the same thing for ace spec characters! And, you know, actual people.

#aromantic #aromanticism #arospec #aromantic spectrum #demi romantic #grey romantic #asexual #asexuality #acespec #demi ace #grey ace #i'm so tired #of binary thinking #im SO TIRED of living with multiple identities that aren't clearly defined one way or another #because everyone on both sides thinks refuses to acknowledge the stupid grey areas #im so tired of not being allo enough to be allo but not aspec enough to 'truely' be aro or ace #even tho the word SPECTRUM is RIGHT THERE #Im tired of trying to write fic that matches my own experiences and explores my own identities #only for people to say im doing it wrong or that im harming the community or character or whatever the fuck #its exhausting #its exhausting to be invalidated and wary of the very people who claim to have your best interests at heart #fox thoughts #☉

[anglerflsh]

I am surprised you have a boyfriend. Because I was convinced you are aroace.

Alas, the way someone understands their identity changes with time. I spent three years thinking I liked women, you can be wrong about yourself sometimes. And aroace people can still be in romantic relationships 👍 if they want to

#and per essere pignolo I /am/ somewhere on the aroace spectrum in the sense that if I had to name it I would go with demi-something #be it whatever it was #anonymous #[.asks] #and my relation to romance is. let us say more complex than I could explain with a single word or label. it has always been #'aro' is simply the closest word i could get to to explain it propely. to say it in full would be a fucking hassle

[compacflt]

I was wondering if you had thoughts about how Ice and Mav's politics don't fully align with their actions? There was a post where you said Ice's politics are more socially liberal than Mav's but Mav is also the one who goes out to La Jolla to hit on guys before Ice, and later again when he's broken up with Ice, but Ice only goes out with women out of fear for his honor or whatever. Same with their respective thoughts on feminism, with Mav's mild respect for Charlie (telling Ice not all women fit the stereotype) but later Ice is the one who sends Juno to Mav's Top Gun class without telling him she's a woman and Ice has a respectful friendship with Juno. I think you said Ice is vaguely on the ace-aro spectrum (demi-homoromantic) which is a sort of fascinating irony that he doesn't have the words for it whereas Mav is the one with the theories about Ice's sexuality. Though with their hypocrisies and inconsistencies this all just feeds into their characterizations of the fact that they keep divorcing their actions from their spoken words from their identities.

okay going to take this point by point

1. yes i have addressed their politics in relation to their actions before, so maybe read this post and this post before you read this one, just to see where my other thoughts line up

2. gay republicans and conservatives do exist (at the very least certainly republicans and conservatives who have gay sex in secret)

3. before maverick is a political actor he is a human being, and the characterization that we are primarily given for him is that he is impulsive and reckless and doesn’t think through his actions. As ive written about many times before—from a story construction standpoint, his thoughtlessness is his number one most important character trait. He is both thoughtlessly dangerous (his hero’s “fatal flaw;” he can’t stop himself from making bad decisions) and thoughtlessly brilliant (the navy’s best and most daring and heroic pilot). He does what he wants without thinking about it; and he makes excuses and hollow promises whenever that plan doesn’t work out (“I know better than that. It will never ever happen again;” [it happens again] “I’m not gonna let you down. I promise.” [goose dies shortly thereafter]). His thoughtless impulsiveness overrides everything else. Maybe the act of having gay sex (to address your “he gets fucked in La Jolla before ice” point) is politically subversive, but for Maverick’s thoughtless character that we are shown in Top Gun, the most subversive possible thing would be to LABEL the gay sex and think through the consequences of it. To call a spade a spade and call himself gay or bi or queer or whatever. That would be the most subversive (and with mav, entirely unbelievable imo) possible thing. That takes conscious effort of thought, something maverick is near-incapable of doing. As long as he can get away with it without thinking about it, he’s politically in the clear, with regards to his character & character arc. If that makes sense. “Don’t think. Just do.” That’s literally his motto lmfao. He represents thoughtless action as an archetype; his politics come secondary to his desires

4. Their “respective thoughts on feminism” are divided into two camps: 1. “Professional as required by the law” and 2. “Sex pest mode.” They’re naval officers in the 1980s. Whether republican or democrat, that’s kind of par for the course. How men treat women can be a performance to other men. Any respect i made them show towards women had broader, more metatextual “need to move the conversation/story from A to B” reasoning behind it. See the first post I linked for much more on that.

5. i never said ice was on the ace/aro spectrum, or if i did i DEFINITELY meant it sarcastically. That could not be further from what i believe. This isn’t something I’ve ever discussed on this blog before, but a MASSIVE part of the philosophical discussion I’ve been trying to moderate within this project over the last year is the question— “do labels even work with characters under these very specific and extraordinarily extreme conditions and societal pressures?” It’s a question I took from my time studying early American history—the contexts of certain environments, and I would definitely count the elite officer ranks of the navy in the 90s and 2000s as one of these certain environments, simply Are Not Conducive to the easier (path of least resistance maybe) ways we civilians handle sexuality and friendship and trauma. There are so many variables and external and internal pressures within an environment like the upper ranks of career navy officers that sexual orientation labels lose all nuance and accuracy. I don’t think Ice (as i have written him) is gay. I don’t think he’s straight. I don’t think he’s bi. I think he’s an unlabelable product of too many variables for labels to have any effect on how he is perceived. Which, in our society built around labels and categories, is admittedly difficult to wrestle with. But doesn’t make it any less worth wrestling with.

6. Yes, ice and mav’s hypocrisy is the linchpin of the entire story.

They’re both trying to have their cake (“honor” and moral superiority based on the harmful traditional subjective morals arbitrated by elite navy officership) and eat it too (a fulfilling relationship with the love of their lives). & the point is that they cant. they have to settle for one.

#adam & eve can either stay in eden or eat from the tree of knowledge. but the moral authority told them not to eat; so they can’t have both #or—they can have both but they can’t ACKNOWLEDGE having both; they have to keep it a secret even from themselves. that way it’s not sin. #(the navy is ice/mav’s religious institution as i keep repeating) #re: ice and labels. #like i am both joking and not joking when i say he’s mavericksexual #simply because maverick represents both the guilt Ice must deal with re: the death of a friend #AND the recklessness that would inspire him to realize (in the actionable sense of the word) the full extent of his sexuality #no one else can do that. he and maverick were made for each other like that. #same thing where ice is the only one who can legitimize maverick in the eyes of their overbearing institution. #they’re made for each other in a way that imo transcends sexuality and labels. #I’m not going to touch the politics of ‘demi-‘ labels because i know people feel very strongly about it #and you come to me for Top Gun not necessarily my thoughts on modern identity politics #but suffice to say i don’t believe either ice or mav are demi anything. #they’re just guys. they’ve killed people and killed with each other and killed for each other. they don’t need labels. just let them be #tom iceman kazansky #pete maverick mitchell #top gun #icemav #top gun maverick #asks #edts notes #thanks for the ask! hope it isn’t coming off as aggressive or argumentative #* argumentative yes. you can argue with me. #but the labeling issue has been on my mind since DAY ONE & influenced much of how i wrote the story #human beings are so much more complex than most labels give us credit for

[kylejsugarman]

first valentines day in alaska, jesse and demi have only known each other for like 2 months so theres no la la land, theyre not even dating, but they both separately feel weird and fuzzy about it. maybe its just the loneliness thats poked holes in both of them, but not seeing each other today wouldn't be Right. it wouldn't be Wrong or anything, but it wouldn't be right. he leaves the store, not even done making up an excuse for why hes going to be coming to the vet at like 11am, and runs into demi halfway there. she was heading his way. they stand there for a minute, awkwardly giving each other their shitty excuses and going all pink in the cold, then go warm up in the drug store. there are cards, a little display of candy and those fake roses. they both try very hard not to make eye contact with the display (then separately wonder "were they waiting for Me to make the first gesture?? did i blow things??") and sort of fumble around for a while before going out to the parking lot for a smoke. he takes out two cigarettes (one for him, one for her) without thinking about it and by the time he has his, demi is ready with her lighter. she lights his first, hand cupped around the flame to keep the wind from stealing it. theres something he wants to say about this, but he cant string the words together. he walks back to work in the slush and never once feels the cold.

#syd squeaks #the rubber coating around the charger thats my brain wore out tonight and its all spilling out #jesse pinkman #demi ayuluk #id say sorry for this but im really tired and idk if sorry's the right word. but sorry anyway

[lunanoc]

might as well throw in some pingxie thoughts while i’m at it

i have. many things to say about pingxie. but on the subject of reducing relationships to one dimensional tropes specifically, it does them just as much of a disservice.

my favorite variation of pingxie is in the books (very shocking i know, although that’s technically the original them and not a variation), and by comparison to what’s shown in the dramas (which are fun and self-indulgent don’t get me wrong), the books are the slowest of slow burns. never forget we see everything in them from wu xie’s pov exclusively (at least the main entries), so we can only infer xiaoge’s own growth and development from what wu xie sees of it, but it very much exists.

wu xie has a complicated opinion of xiaoge in the earlier books, mostly because he doesn’t quite know what to make of this man who looks younger than he is and completely blows him off on their first meeting (blows everyone off in fact) much to his displeasure, which leads to the initially derogatory nickname ‘menyouping’, and yet is also vastly competent and knowledgeable. he’s cold and indifferent, yet wu xie feels safe around him and trusts him more than he likely should from the get go, mostly because wu xie’s good at reading people’s intentions and character on an instinctive level he doesn’t always manage to rationalize early on. he’s fascinated and would like to know him better, but also finds him deeply unfathomable, even incomprehensible.

and then you have xiaoge, who it merits saying, is repeatedly described as largely indifferent to most things (and he genuinely is), doing what he deems necessary but otherwise not bothering to involve himself with other people or social niceties. this is a man who spends his time off to the side sleeping or contemplating the sky, and yet in the space of four books he goes from not giving two shts about wu xie (or more than he would the average person) to voluntarily interacting with him, siding with him in quiet ways, helping him through unspoken little acts all the way up until a turning point wherein he first tries to keep his distance from wu xie en route to tamutuo in an effort to keep him from getting further involved than he already is in dangerous things he has no concept of, except by then he’s shown enough uncharacteristic interest in wu xie that wu xie notices he's being cold and distant. this all culminates in the infamous moment where xiaoge eventually lets himself act on thoughts he’s likely never fully analyzed himself, let alone shared with another person, leading to the “if i disappeared no one would notice” moment. 

and from there all the way until post ten years later and into things like yucun biji, the reality is that pingxie were never the serious immortal and the dorky clumsy mortal boy he adopts, nor are they the vulnerable strong one and the eventual protector, or any other trope variation really. pingxie are two people who at the start stand on opposite sides of a line neither of them were ever meant to cross, and to all intents and purposes should never have met for how very different the worlds they come from are. they’re people that circumstance threw together who chose to stay together, and keep choosing each other. they don’t need each other to exist, and could have gone their separate ways had they wanted to, but the importance of their relationship lies in that they stay together by active choice, and that in doing so, they meet in the middle.

wu xie matures and comes to understand a number of things through hardship while xiaoge is behind the gate that untether him just enough from the world that xiaoge isn’t quite so unfathomable anymore, while xiaoge comes down from his imposed pedestal just enough that he tethers himself to wu xie (and pangzi) and learns to live rather than exist

neither of them became a different person for the other, and the core of their relationship (and the beauty of it) is in the harmony and understanding they eventually achieve. reducing all of that to archetypes is honestly a little tragic

#this has nothing to do with the point i'm making here #but for the record #most of this is the basis of why i like to hc pingxie as being on the ace/demi spectrum #and as having no real prior romantic and/or sxual experience besides with each other if we're talking shipping #bc neither of them really show any kind of special interest in other people besides each other really #and the way their relationship develops is a precedent for both of them respectively #in more not directly related #there's so many sweet moments in yucun biji specifically that show the care and regard they have for each other #xiaoge telling wu xie when he leaves to roam the mountains and approximately when he'll be back so he won't worry #vs wu xie being on a private quest to find something xiaoge genuinely likes to add to their restaurant menu #and feeling some type of way about xiaoge liking the snails and sneaking candies into the car on their trip back from banai #they never use words not really #BUT THEY CARE #SO MUCH #it helps a lot that wu xie happens to be a sometimes uncannily self-aware narrator #and he'll say the most heartfelt and profound things so matter-of-factly sometimes you have sit there and take it in #i feel very normal about them #dmbj #pingxie #wu xie #zhang qiling #dmbj meta

[wyattjohnston]

me, someone who notoriously does not go to the gym: now i’m down bad crying at the gym

#everything comes out teenage petulance #fuck it if i can’t have him #I might just die it would make no difference #demi says something #this is the ear worm for me #couldn’t tell you anything else about the album #except maybe #Florence Welch and FLORIDA!!! #but just that word

[defiant-firefly]

Wait if I'm nonbinary/genderqueer and the words don't taste good to me, despite the fact they match me and I identity as them, what if I just start using the word trans because that doesn't have that weird feeling when I say it

#I just don't like how certain words feel to say ya know? #like I love names like lola and eddie and shit cause they scratch a spot in my brain #i don't know any queer words that do honestly which is sad #demi kinda does #ace too actually now that I think about it #trans has that nice tra sound #so maybe I can start saying that instead #for the word flavour #cause it's not wrong or anything #as an umbrella term it includes what I am #so like #hm #maybe I will #for the word taste #specific terms are for level 8 friends only now lmao

[mejomonster]

Every time I go on a dating app I feel hopeless -.-

#rant #genuinely frankly i would probably do better at speed dating im person but that doesnt exist here #i go on app. i see poly partnered people looking for another partner. i do not seek to be that #i almost talk myself into just trying to be friends in case They know someone id like before i realize #thats a bit convoluted. i see one person actually just looking for friends like me and feel relief #and maybe i could make a friend but i want love i want romance and is pursuing that instead primarily #exactly why im a great friend whos been single for years? i see several men who absolutely did not read #rhat im fucking nonbinary. i see a person whos single and wants only hookups so my demi ass is out #i see a single person with no fucking hobbies jn common who i dont personally find aesthetically appealing #i see someone hot finally and immediatelt wonder what Red Flag theyre unavailable i must be subconciouslt clocking into #ah. yes. theyre oceans away making our chances of intimate long term commitment slim unless we both are significantly interested #and they give one word answers indicating theg dont want to chat. which us the only way i have to build a connection for now. #and then i wonder if im picky cayse im noticing incompatibikities. or cause no one compatible is around on my app #or is it self sabotage? or would Dating a red flag be sabotage?? or am i too demi to fucking do this i fucking hate this #i dont even know if id like someone in 5 months IF they were compatible and single. and then rhe chances of them liking me thay long? #well lers just say ive not yet had a partner ever say they liked me back. i mean theyve lied for several months. then come clean rhat #they never actually liked me and i was just convienient so :/ #i am so tired. i hate dating apps. i could probably self sabotage in 1 minute tho and message a married poly person #who cannot therefore marry me and who i cannot be the primary priority of. then i guess that would be self sabotage #cause id So clearly be letting myself crysh on someone unavailable wooh. -.- #jm so so tired man. i jusr wanna crush kn someone. kiss someone. bang regularly for decades. #oh and id Reallt like to fall in mutual love. the awful state of things? mt parents suggested to me #i get with someone i dont like romanrically and just make myself have a relationship #cause i guess they have no faith in me finding mutual love. which ngl makes me so incredibly sad even rhey dont believe i can

[baradyke]

“I’m afraid to come out as aroace 🥺”

like bro imagine telling someone you don’t want the kissy or the fucky nobody will give a shit

LITERALLY. i went many years thinking i was aroace (spoiler: i was just neurodivergent) and literally everyone i told "i'm not interested in relationships or marriage" literally did not care. not even my homophobic family members! like unless people are just straight up nosy they will not care

#like people will say nobody understands but it also just depends on how you word it #like if you go tell normies that you're gray demi aroaceflux they are gonna think ur weird #because nobody knows wtf ur talking about!! #Anonymous #asks #ace discourse

[iampancakeee]

"Yeah I like this person and I guess I won't mind dating them? But I don't want to do romantic stuff with them. I just want to hug them a lot and cuddle with them forveverrr and maybe hold their hand sometimes. Just want to call them mine and shower them with love."

— my dumbass mistaking emotional and sensual attraction for romantic attraction

#aromantic #asexual #demiromantic #demisexual #queer #lgbtq #lgbtqia+ #yeah thats exactly what i used to say #had an identity crisis today when i realised that i was very much aromantic #i mean demi(aroace) is more exact but you get my point #hello aromantics it's nice to be home #funny how this comes 3 years after realising i was on the ace spectrum #mav's words

[autismtana]

no, dantana isn't a "superior ship", y'all are just ableist... (and dani was an inconsiderate partner)

tbh my personal (negative) feelings for demi lovato aside, I'll never understand all the weird love for dantana, especially over brittana.

firstly i've touched on this before but the truth is most of you brittany antis have some serious ableism (not even underlying ableism, like really overt ableism) to work on. and secondly, like your reasoning is "dani didn't put up with santana's shit" like I'm sorry, maybe that's what you'd like to think happened based on fanfiction or revisionist history, but that's not what actually happened. dani's whole arc was being biphobic, sitting on a couch and being an inconsiderate partner.

when the band issue came about, there was no conversation, she just completely blindsided santana and expected santana to be okay with it. i'm not saying she wasn't entitled to go along with kurt's band idea, but like ... fucking talk to your partner who you're kicking out of the band first, explain why you're doing it and give her an opportunity to air her grievances!!!!

it's also especially fucked up if your partner has trauma around rejection, which santana has (i.e. her fucking abuela disowning her, also lower stakes stuff like getting kicked out of glee club, getting kicked out of the loft, she literally just ended her friendship with rachel at that point...)

(also dani was the one who started expressing the biphobia and put the idea in santana's head in the first place)

like you people will literally ship santana with a pot plant* over the person she actually loves (ok not a pot plant, but y'all will insist people like quinn and rachel who she'd probably murder would be better partners to her than brittany) just because y'all hate the idea of a neurodivergent coded person in a relationship*. and again, i've said this before, but brittany s pierce isn't going to read your posts about how you think she's not worthy of her partner who she has a sweet and loving relationship with because you don't think she's "smart enough" but real life neurodivergent/disabled people will.

(*even though there's heaps of evidence that suggests the other half of the relationship is also neurodivergent ... just saying)

(*and yeah we all love shrubtana but come on people, we know it's not real)

#anti dantana #i don't like demi because demi comes across as self-absorbed and toxic #obvs i don't know them personally #certain things demi has said in the media has painted them in that light for me #i saw someone in one of the glee tags say they hate brittana because in their words “brittany is a literal child” and i wanted to throw up #brittana is the superior ship

[dianasprnce]

demi really outdid themselves on this album my god. this was definitely worth the wait and i’m so proud of them for finally making the music they WANT to make and that makes them happy. i love them so much.

#happy ending….jesus #this might sound cheesy and idc but i can’t explain how happy i am that demi’s still here #it really is a blessing #and idk how to word this without sounding weird? #but demi and naya both impacted me from a young age and i really leaned on them while i was growing up #and i still do to this day #so to almost lose one of them and then actually lose the other within two years of each other was very jarring to say the least #and i really don’t want to take any of these moments for granted #because i’m so scared of waking up to the same kind of news that a lot of us did on july 9 #happy ending just brought all of this back and i wasn’t expecting it #i was fine on saturday when i heard it live idk🧍‍♀️ #and the transition from happy ending into heaven is so shskshdj #the juxtaposition #demi lovato

[emeraldbabygirl]

Demi Lovato is on tour I guess, I didn’t know that and one of the stops is Portland and that’s so close, only like one or two cities over and there’s never been an artist I like come to Oregon much less Portland and boy I would love to go but I can’t. I just love that she’s back and going on tour Demi deserves all the good things I’m so glad she’s back after all that and her new music is great I love Subtance, I love the nostalgic old Demi vibes you get from it. I’m happy to see her going on tour I hope she has fun and doesn’t work too hard. Also also loved her performance of Substance on the Jimmy Fallen show goes I guess you can’t cuss or something and so instead of saying “everyone’s fucking exhausted” she kinda paused or sigh in place and I think it def gives the song and tone of that lyric more meaning and I really liked how it worked out and love the performance.

It just feels so surreal? that Demi is back making music idk I mean I wasn’t in the loop the past like 5 years maybe but after hearing about what happened and then to have her come back from that and perform at the Grammy’s I was sobbing, girlie got the whole room in tears it was such a beautiful performance and it’s hard to believe that that was the last song she wrote before what happened and that it could’ve been her last song ever. I hope she’s doing well ugh I adore her she deserves good things and happiness and I’m excited for her for this tour and if any new music comes out.

#demi lovato #on a side note mfer been saying girlie too much now #I swear it’s my new tick #I hate that word almost as much as bestie #😬 #and I’m calling coworkers that and bro that shit don’t translate #I’m saying it as often as girl and bro like I’m calling males girlie ugh

[wyattjohnston]

shoutout to the time i went for an interview as a receptionist and when asked my weaknesses i said that I don’t like phone calls

got the temp job and then an extension and then a whole ass job on top of that so it wasn’t so bad but WHAT WAS I THINKING

#demi says something #the anxiety was high and the words just came out I think