#did i just make this up and if so why

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[hiding-under-the-willow]

anyways. What

#atlas.art #artists on tumblr #mcyt #hermitcraft #hc s10 #docm77 #joehills #joe hills #juppet #vintagebeef #doc beef and joe just slowly fucking loosing it throughout this interaction is one of my favorite things that's ever happened on hermitcraf #also. watching his fucking gigantic hour glass slowly grow in the background of other peoples videos for the last week #why did he do that to himself so early in the season omg 😭 #it literally is so ridiculously large it is insane. it looks insane next to everything else around it. it takes up the entire skyline #im thinking about keralis. who built his lake facing the shopping district so he could avoid looking at iskall's monolith while fishing #or mumbo and grian joking about making the biggest mega build in the shopping district for their wart shop. good luck with that now lmao #seriously if you haven't already y'all should go watch Wels' last video if only to see that thing grow in the background throughout the vid #wels built an entire castle on accident in that video and i still spent the entire duration going 'DOC WHAT THE HELL' it was so distracting

[hychlorions]

a what-if i've been thinking about for forever... trucy knowing the truth before anyone could tell her

#trucy wright #apollo justice #ace attorney #.png #ough ough ough how many times has she helped 'ruin' someone's life... #like what if when she was so desperate to help phoenix get acquitted she gets hit in the face with the realization that #she might just be ruining her new-found brother's life too #so yeah. how would she even bring that up #haha hey polly. remember that time i handed you fake evidence. well did you know i saw your bracelet and remembered my mom had one too. fun #by the way did you know she told me she had two and gave one to her first-born who she lost a long time ago #like do we know how much trucy remembers about their mom. no! that's why i think this could work #ough i've wanted to make this comic for so long but i never knew how to format it #well i drew the first panel as warm-up and then was like. why not go all the way.... #that way i'd be forced to really think about composition

[southern--downpour]

#marble hornets #tim wright #timothy wright #tim mh #mh #...i couldnt think of a caption that wasnt just 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH' #anyways. can you tell my favorite entry is 65 :) #virgil arts #went back and forth on whether i wanted this to be day time like in the entry or not #still not 100% on that decision but whatever doing darkness is easier #and making a day time sky look overexposed like itd show up on camera is weirdly difficult for me #idk maybe ill do another couple of entry 65 drawings and actually try that out #also this was meant to be perspective + painting practice so if things look weird dw about it <3 #its been so long since i did a full forced perspective drawing and i remember why i dont usually do it!

[strawbie-doodle]

havent drawn all of them in a WHILE ✸

#critical role #bells hells #critrole #ashton greymoore #orym of the air ashari #imogen temult #chetney pock o'pea #fearne calloway #laudna #fresh cut grass #bell's hells #art #my art #almost gave up on this so many times #but that chet wolf and side profile ashton were just too good to give up on #and as always fearne looks so good #really proud of the imogen here too i think she looks so cute #i had to redraw her so many times im so bad at drawing her :[ #ANYWAY HI I FINALLY MAKE ART AND POST IT #been having the worst art block ever :( #its made me so depressed and then i got even more depressed cuz i wasnt being productive but i couldnt do anything cuz i was depressed #:((( why does my hobby make me sad and want to quit #um anyways did you guys watch that new dungmeshi episode #the tonal whiplash was fucking crazy i loved it

[homielander]

like yeah of course tom thinks shiv is a scorpion because he doesn't know she compromised her position and sacrificed her brother so he wouldn't go to prison. he doesn't know she refused to divulge any information about cruises to gil in season 1 before she was certain tom would walk away unscathed. he doesn't know she shut down her brothers' offer to fire him, doesn't know she ensured he'd have a place in the company post-acquisition, doesn't know that the first time she indelicately interrogated matsson about whether she'd have any power and influence at waystar gojo was literally immediately after matsson brought up the idea of firing tom. and it's her fault he doesn't know that she's protected him at nearly every turn because she won't tell him. and it's looking more likely with every passing episode that he'll never know 😔🔫

#ALSO. i just remembered that he still thinks shiv ratted about the press conference to gerri. lol!!! #tomshiv #tom wambsgans #shiv roy #succession #so glad shiv brought up that HE offered to go to prison cuz ive been saying that..... #like dude u expect ur emotionally unavailable wife to protest the idea of u going to jail when youve just told her it's logistically sound #well yes okay that's reasonable #screams #succession spoilers #EDIT i do not know why anyone is interpreting this post as me blaming tom. what part of 'he doesn't know' did you guys miss #not that he is blameless in the marriage obviously but i think it makes sense that he doesn't believe shiv even cares about him

[ratboysims]

ratsave 1.2 by ratboysims

⭐sorry about the wait on this one!!!!!!

WHAT’S NEW FROM 1.1? • willow creek got a facelift with a lot of completely new builds! • magnolia promenade got a complete facelift with all new builds! • sulani is completed, yes all of it! • other worlds are still not completed, but there are a bunch of new builds and families scattered throughout! • every family in willow creek now has descriptions and story, and their in-game selves should reflect that story!

⭐ information + download below the cut :-) (PLEASE read all of this!)

↪ How to download saves (please read this link, I will not be answering asks about it!)

PACKS: • the ratsave uses most packs EXCEPT for journey to batuu, moschino, and my first pet stuff. • it uses NO kits or cc! • you can still download and play with the save if you’re missing packs, but items and clothes might be missing or replaced!

IMPORTANT INFO: ⭐ please remember this is NOT a finished save, even if all the builds should be functional! i’m still in the process of building and editing, so some builds might not match the sims that live there, and some families might be incomplete etc etc. it shouldn’t be noticeable if you’re playing with your own sims, but please do keep it in mind! ⭐ if you find anything that doesn’t work or is off, PLEASE LET ME KNOW so i can fix it and update the save! i’m only one person working on this and it’s hard to keep track of everything, so any help with noticing issues is super appreciated! ⭐ if you use this, also please let me know and tag me in your photos! i’d love to see your sims living their best life in my save :-)

⭐ DOWNLOAD ⭐

★ please consider supporting me on ko-fi!

↪ DOWNLOAD ON BLOGSPOT (no adf*y)

#throwing up and shaking and crying #idk why this one is making me so anxious it feels like i should be more done even if it is literally just a hobby activity #i think because i had to rush it at the end to get it out today even if i KNOW i did it as good as i could #anyway PLEEEEASE ENJOY I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE IT I DO ENJOY PLAYING IN HER #mycc

[sysig]

Recently had a silly Handplates dream where Papyrus was trying to snoop around Gaster and Alphys’ lab, but didn’t know who Alphys was and so was trying to pass it off as his own lab lol (Patreon)

#Doodles #Dream log #UT #Handplates #Papyrus #Gaster #Sans #Alphys #And also he was Big Brother Papyrus to a babybones Sans lol #I doodled them as close to the dream as possible so if it's silly or doesn't make sense take it up with my subconscious lol #I remember Gaster had a reputation for being very charming and charismatic which ?? Sure okay lol #He was also quite smiley - personally I read that as him putting on a face to the public but even that seems out of character for him lol #Everyone else was pretty much as usual - Alphys small and nervous and Papyrus loud and bombastic #I don't remember what exactly he was looking for - doubly weird 'cause I hadn't reread him and Sans exploring yet! :0 #Just of them moving into their house - though I did read a bunch just before sleeping so safe to say I can attribute that lol #This was the only really clear part of the dream - the rest was just scrolling scrolling scrolling pages and pages of comic panels #Can't imagine why lol #Also intercut with some of the poses I ended up doodling before - surprise! They were dream doodles lol #Also in case it's not clear - Alphys was Very Much Present while Papyrus was trying to pass himself off as the name on the door lol #Oh yeah I'm pretty sure he was also speaking in WingDings thus why Alphys didn't immediately call him out lol #The room was quite cute actually - not at all the sterile grey of the True Lab #Warm and wooden with high windows nearly covered in clutter and paperwork with a desk in the middle lit by yellow light #Cozy #Barely evil-looking at all

[aquanutart]

#wind waker #loz #zelda #beedle #linktober #link #aquanutart #day 1: merchant #i really liked beedle in the wind waker he just always seemed so genuinely enthusiastic and happy to see you #i thought his compliment card was hilarious. i always bought a lot of bait anyway to complete my sea chart #and because i liked messing around as a bird i guess i'd buy hyoi pears; so i always racked up enough points without really trying #however i wasn't a fan of what they did with his character in games after that. he became pressuring and insincere #i understand why people would find a two-faced salesman character funny or interesting in his own right #but it's the opposite of what i originally liked about him #unfortunately this makes me question whether it was meant that way to begin with? #i don't know but i like to believe wind waker beedle actually meant his enthusiasm #back when ww beedle was the only beedle i always meant to show appreciation for him so i'm doing that now

[angelsdean]

the way that nick spell in 14x17 makes it canonically SO easy to open a portal to the empty. it drives me insane. dean literally HAD cas's blood. on his jacket. it was all right there. it was set up perfectly. why show us nick opening a portal to the empty and specifically showing that the main ingredient was BLOOD then. not using that. dean was meant to rescue cas!!!!! full circle moment. i'm the one who gripped you tight a raised you from perdition. what's the matter, cas? you don't think you deserve to be saved? i love you, too. of course i love you. SMOOCH. anyways.

#anyways working on fic plotting things and the friggin nick spell making it so easy to open a portal to the empty is infuriating me #i need it to be more complicated. for plot reasons. so now i need to conjure up some Lore as to why it won't work in this scenario #like if all you needed is some blood from the person in the empty or a relative then. so many angels and demons could've been pulled out #i think the fact that nick was a former vessel might be a good requirement #also just how the hell did NICK of all people find this spell and execute it???

[fictionadventurer]

Maybe the problem with Christian fiction is that it's non-denominational. People are just "Christian", with no effort put into showing what practicing that religion looks like for them specifically. No indication that there are other Christians who could have different beliefs. No wrestling with differing ideas and the struggle of how one should live out their Christian faith. And that makes it unrealistic and unrelatable.

#me reading any christian historical fiction set in england: why are none of these gentry anglican?? #they ARE all anglican and if they are not it is extremely plot and character relevant you can't just have them using evangelical buzzwords #but i'm also thinking of this because i started another charlotte yonge book #that is by far my favorite of the things of hers that i've read #because it has characters who have different upbringings and religious opinions #instead of just 'here's a bunch of high church anglicans judging people who don't live up to their victorian standard' #you have the very high church anglican rector whose wife is worldly but still a very good person #the girl raised in a very strict protestant family who is more scrupulous than the anglicans but is still recognized as a good person #you have people who are trying to work out the nuances of different issues #and that makes it so much more realistic and so much easier to integrate into the story #(the politics though are hilarious) #(most of the classics that survive are the ones that were 'ahead of their time' in politics) #(so it's equally fascinating and refreshing and a bit infuriating to see one that is very very of its time with regards to women's rights) #('why did this woman get up at the meeting and explain her very good ideas for rebuilding after the fire? she should have had a man do it') #(meanwhile i'm just screaming 'why on earth SHOULDN'T she???') #(it's almost enough to make a feminist of me)

[ar-mage-ddon]

extremely messy doodle dump that devolved into me anguishing over trying to figure out how to draw that damn default hat at other angles

#khml #kingdom hearts missing link #kh #kingdom hearts #kh brain #keykid #i couldve just cropped the actual good parts but the line of hats at the bottom is so funny looking i have to leave it #i Think this is my first time drawing brain?? and good lord hes fun to draw #if ur wondering why brain is shaking player up in the corner i just want u to imagine- #-brain trying to figure out what the hell player means by “okay so i Did die but its fine because i decided to keep living afterwards” #thats the kind of friendship dynamic i want for them . i want it so bad (←makes no sense at all) #myart

[ch1zzie]

The original in the bottom

Plus the picture I mainly drew but decided to draw the rest for funny

#thats not my neighbor #milk man #just tried to draw something in my mind to post along with saying some updates #monday the people are gonna give my grandma the keys to the house! while i have to stay at my aunts place for wifi for school #(online school) #my moms gonna be moving things out of storage into the house! AAAA I CANT WAIT #also little welcome home update #im not sure if i said here? wait nevermind i just remembered while typing (it was that i got barnaby and the pins) AAA silly me #also im making a little julie out of clay (if i wake up and their messed up i am NOT redoing that😭) #the legs are a little messed up because julie was gonna be the size of an hatsune miku figure on accident so i chose to shorten her a bit #only because im not sure if im gonna make the others too AND because theres no way hes gonna be THAT tall😭 #also! im making easter art #yes its barnaby and wally again just for fun! but a few changes like keeping their regular outfits because i cant think of anything else!!! #why not the ones in the old easter drawing? welllll a follower said that wallys outfit looked a bit familiar to another not so good thing #it wasnt on purpose just an accident because i hadn't notice BUT im glad i know now so i can be more careful! #im not sureeee if im gonna finish the easter art OR the julie clay thingy but I'd love too! and honestly HOPE to #high chance i will (well maybe the easter art could be late or not) #maaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA trying to think if theres anything else but cant! ill try posting this hoping my wifi wont hate me... #also i know i said this account was for welcome home posting but i didnt have any cool welcome homey things to put here gahhhhh #ehehehhe once i get my new room and its allllll just me #imma post like crazy (wellll that IS the plan so i hope) #even if its little dumb posts #by the way this post was gonna say on top “i know i said this account is for welcome home posting but TAKE THIS FOR LITTLE UPDATES” #just removed it because i dunnooooo just didded #hehe didded

[liquidstar]

this is not a comprehensive list

#in order from left to right (with explanations): #k on #(self explanatory. definition of moe.) #a place further than the universe #(theyre at least a little insane for going all the way to antarctica for funsies) #bocchi the rock #(good mix of insane and sweet. most of the insane parts come from bocchi herself) #nichijou #(literally so much happened all the time) #and asobi asobase #(they did do arson) #i haven't seen azumanga daioh or yuru camp and i never finished lucky star #but based on what i know abt the first two id put it... azumanga between bocchi and nichijou. and yuru camp with or after k on #and from what i remember abt lucky star its also just after k on #a bit quirkier but nothing ever really happens in it. as far as i watched. which is why i stopped watching LOL #but thats all assumptions and second hand knowledge so i figured i shouldnt actually include them unless i was SURE #i also thought abt putting asteroid in love in here too but that one is a bit more niche so i left it out #i also excluded any idol shows bc that feels like a different category. and would make this too long #sorry zombieland saga and love live.... #i also excluded straight up yuri. this is more abt Hanging Out than romance. but some is allowed as long as its not the focal point #like kita in btr. shes very yuri but the show isnt about that #you could probably also put is the order a rabbit on here but idr much from that. i think i watched like 3 episodes umm 100 years ago #i also thought abt putting the highschool girls segments from daily lives of highschool boys here. but they arent in most of the show #tho theyd probably go between nichijou and asobi asobase. or maybe on par w nichijou #that one girl did almost kill the other two with a rock as im sure youve all seen

[renjunnipeikko]

dunno if this has been done yet but: airplane didn’t first become aware of peerless cucumber in the comments of pidw, he first saw peerless in the comments of a different web novel (that perhaps was one of airplane’s earlier works?) and so when initially drafting pidw he was inspired to write a villain just like cucumber bc “he’s MEAN MEAN for no reason, a literature snob, and pretends to be all high and mighty while looking down on others. also likes to kick down the little guy” and boom. sqq was born. cut to years later post-transmigration when sqh just casually drops this info with “lol i always did find it funny how much you hated the guy considering he’s literally based off you”

#and in the classic fashion of sqq AND og!sqq— this sends sy into a fit of rage #i mean… c’mon those freak outs sqq has with sqh aka the only time he ever breaks character are SO shen jiu coded no? #anyway the actually background of sj is developed later ofc to flesh his character out better and is unrelated to the og inspiration #but as we know that never ends up getting used in pidw so it didn’t matter rip #so this simultaneously makes sy and sj the same person but also NOT the same person #so in terms of bingmei vs bingge extra: why did you get the shizun you did bingge? #maybe… you weren’t a real person until the very moment you crossed over? #which means sqq wasn’t either :( sorry Buddy #idk just a hc but it IS really interesting to think about #svsss #scum villian self saving system #scum villain #scumbag system #scumbag self saving system #scumbag villain #luo binghe #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #shen jiu #og shen qingqiu #shang qinghua #airplane shooting towards the sky #peerless cucumber #pidw luo binghe #luo bingge

[dreadark]

shoutout to this random guy who had to just mind his own business while ivan was right next to him licking the blood from till's cheek

#alien stage #why did he do that. #actually an answer: #i somehow didn't notice till was crying in this scene before #so this was actually ivan trying to cheer him up in his own weird way... #or rather... distract him? unsettle him enough to snap out of it? something like that #and hey he manages. eventually #can't even make joke posts here damn you ivantill #tho he is also just. like that. don’t get me wrong. #alnst