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erinelliotc · 9 days

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A tip I give as a listener and music lover: don't give up on songs after listening to them for the first time.

You know, one thing I've learned from my experience listening to music (and which I'm confirming even more now that I've started listening to Will Wood) is that sometimes it's not that you think the song is bad or meh, sometimes you just haven't listened to it enough. Sometimes it's not that you don't like the song, you might actually like it and just not be in the mood to listen to it at that exact moment. And especially if you're listening to several songs at once for the first time, you may not absorb them all well, so it's important to listen to them again other times.

This happened to me with a lot of The Living Tombstone songs. I'd listen to a song for the first time and think "That was kind of weird, I didn't like it very much", or "That wasn't bad but it wasn't good either", then I'd decide to listen to it a few more times, usually at other times, and then I'd start to LOVE the song.

Now this is happening to me with Will Wood.

Before going to the main topic I'll contextualize the following: I discovered Will Wood through "I / Me / Myself" on TikTok (don't judge me I'm trans okay 😭 this song means a lot to me. This is still my most listened song of his so far, but "Front Street", my favorite Will Wood song, is almost taking the top spot) because of an edit (made by @flowerpuff09) with Double D from "Ed, Edd n Eddy" (my biggest hyperfixation) and it immediately became a song I listened to every day almost all the time for many weeks and I even made 4 Eddy edits with this song (first I realized that the song on Spotify wasn't exactly the same as the one in the edit, and then I discovered that there was a demo version and an official version, and I ended up loving both equally in different ways). So in another Ed, Edd n Eddy edit on TikTok, this time an Eddy edit, I discovered "The Main Character" and loved it, and then I discovered that it was ANOTHER fucking Will Wood song! At that moment I thought I should listen to the rest of his songs because it was already the second song of his that I loved, and so I did.

The first time I listened to all of his songs (January 30th), I added to a playlist the songs that I felt I really liked from the first time I listened to them. If you're curious to know what songs they were here's the list so you can judge me (observation: I listen to the 2015 "Everything is a Lot" album except Aikido and EIAL / Destroy to Enjoy, and to the 2020 Remastered Version of SELF-iSH):

6up 5oh Cop-Out (Pro / Con)

Skeleton Appreciation Day in Vestal, NY (Bones)

Front Street

Thermodynamic Lawyer Esq, G.F.D.

Chemical Overreaction / Compound Fracture

Cotard's Solution (Anatta, Dukkha, Anicca)

Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In!

Suburbia Overture / Greetings from Mary Bell Township! / (Vampire) Culture / Love Me, Normally

2econd-2ight-2eer (that was fun, goodbye.)

I / Me / Myself [demo]

I / Me / Myself [official]

…well, better than the alternative

Outliars and Hyppocrates: a fun fact about apples

BlackBoxWarrior – OKULTRA

Marsha, Thankk You for the Dialectics, but I Need You to Leave.

Love, Me Normally

Memento Mori: the most important thing in the world

Your Body, My Temple

When Somebody Needs You [Song]

Tomcat Disposables

The Main Character

Against the Kitchen Floor

Willard!

Then I listened to my 23-song playlist non-stop for almost 3 weeks. And even the songs I already liked seemed to get better over time after listening to them more times, like "Marsha, Thankk You for the Dialectics, but I Need You to Leave.".

One day while reading Reddit, I saw some people commenting about not listening to "Euthanasia" because it was too sad, then I decided to watch the "Euthanasia" music video and ended up crying and loving the song, so I added it to my playlist. 2 weeks later, I added "Mr. Capgras Encounters a Secondhand Vanity: Tulpamancer's Prosopagnosia/Pareidolia (As Direct Result of Trauma to the Fusiform Gyrus)" to my playlist too after giving it another listen and really liking it (I was trying to increase the number of songs on this album because I felt sad listening to only 3 songs, even though it's a small album). A few days later I added "Ferryman" and "The First Step" after watching a video compiling the best parts of Will Wood's songs. Almost a week later I decided to give the "Everything is a Lot" album another listen and then I added "White Knuckle Jerk (Where Do You Get Off?)", "(Cover This Song) A Little Bit Mine" and "Lysergide Daydream". I also added "Venetian Blind Man (Song)" after seeing someone on Reddit say it was an underrated song, listening to it again and realizing it really was.

And something unusual happened. Somewhere in the middle of all this I also removed "BlackBoxWarrior – OKULTRA" because even though I liked it the first time I listened to it, it became a song I kept skipping, then I realized I didn't like it that much (please don't kill me. I know a lot of people love this one, but I found it to be my least favorite on "The Normal Album"). Whether I like or dislike a song ends up being about the sound, not the lyrics, mainly because English isn't my first language, so I end up not caring that much about the lyrics. It's not that the lyrics aren't important to me, what happens to me is:

If I like the sound of a song, and the lyrics also talk about something I like, identify with or find important, the lyrics come as a bonus so I like the song even more

If I like the sound of a song, but the lyrics have nothing to do with me, the song is still just as good for me

If I don't like the sound of a song, but the lyrics talk about something I like, identify with or find important, it doesn't change anything for me, it doesn't make me enjoy listening to the song one bit

Basically, the lyrics make songs I already like better for me, but they don't make a song I don't like better, or a song I like worse.

Fun fact involving me not being a native English speaker: besides Will's lyrics being very abstract in general, I'm also not fluent in English and I never made any effort to pay attention to his lyrics either, so I had no idea what "Tomcat Disposables" was about. But every time I heard it, I became inexplicably extremely sad and melancholic and even teared up even without knowing what he was talking about. One day I decided to look for the meaning and now I know that it made perfect sense to be sad about this song, and of course now I feel even sadder than before listening to this song. He did a really good job of making the melody capture the sad feeling of the story.

So from March 15th until the day before yesterday (for 1 month), I listened to this playlist of now 30 songs. So the day before yesterday I decided to listen to his albums again, and now I just added one song after another. The more I listen to his songs, the more I realize that I actually really like them. The songs that were added practically all at once were:

¡Aikido! (Neurotic/Erotic)

Everything Is a Lot

Destroy to Enjoy

2012

The Song with Five Names, a.k.a. Soapbox Tao, a.k.a. Checkmate Atheists! a.k.a. Neospace Government, a.k.a. You Can Never Know

Dr. Sunshine is Dead

Laplace's Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!)

Cicada Days

That's Enough, Let's Get You Home

Um, I Mean, It's Kind of a Lot

Half-Decade Hangover

Vampire Reference in a Minor Key

Sex, Drugs, Rock 'n' Roll

White Noise

Yes, I like "Destroy to Enjoy" more than "BlackBoxWarrior – OKULTRA", leave me alone. And yes, it took me a while to like "Laplace's Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!)". It's my second least favorite song on "The Normal Album", but it's still good enough for me to put on my playlist. I swear, I REALLY wanted to like this song more, considering that "The Lorax" and especially the Once-ler were hyperfixations of mine in 2021. And yes, it took me a while, but now I love "The Song with Five Names [etc etc insert 4 more names here ...]". "Cicada Days" also finally got a special place in my heart, but the one I'm listening to most from the album "In case I make it," is "That's Enough, Let's Get You Home", the ending really touches me.

Anyway, now I have a playlist of 44 songs. I may still add more, but in general I'll enjoy listening to all of his songs (except "You Liked This (Okay, Computer)" and generally those that are only instrumental), even the ones I don't consider favorites (the ones that aren't on my playlist).

Then that's it. Give a second, third, fourth listen to that song you didn't like. It might even become a song you love and listen to all the time.

#will wood #will wood and the tapeworms #wee woo #ed edd n eddy #ededdneddy #ed edd and eddy #eene

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burningknucklecraftworks · 6 months

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Finished product first, held by my wonderful spouse. Northshield is a kingdom big on the power of light. Our motto includes illumination as a virtue. We have a star named Griffin's Light. On top of the society A&S badge being a candle, our A&S awards are the Black Flame and Brigit's Flame. Since about year two of my tenure in the SCA I've dreamed of making a lantern scroll to honor that aspect and now I've done two. I'm so grateful to be surrounded by people who inspire me to push my boundaries and make cool art.

As such, these are lantern scrolls for Brigit's Flame awards, the GOA level Northshield arts and science award. One is for my wonderful friend Thegn Samson Muskovich (aka Samii), who does so much for the arts and sciences of the SCA. From metalworking with bronze and silver, to leatherwork and armoring, to teaching about existing as a trans person in the SCA and deep diving into the experience of the Gullah Geechee and making sure we know that the experience of Africans trafficked to America is as period as their resilience and resistance. I'm so proud that he's my cousin in the Choctaw tribe. The second is for the magnificent Dame Katerinka Lvovicha (aka Kat), who received her Brigit's Flame in 2015 but never got the scroll for it. She also does so much for Northshield, especially in the realms of heraldry and scribal arts, and she blasts a path for all Northshielders to feel safe by being extremely proactive about pronouns, cultural touchstones, and literally offering housing and travel assistance to people.

The inspirations for the project include these four lanterns and Morgan Donner's lantern build video. In the top row are two illustrations from period showing lanterns. The red lantern is from Book of Hours, MS M.972 fol. 1r, and has a bit of a splayed shape with a wider base and a turned dome at the top. It also has horn panels that aren't quite perfect fits for each side panel, as evidenced by the uneven horizontal lines. The second lantern, held by a crotchety dragonesque beast, is from Breviary, MS M. 8 fol. 158r and has a flat top with straight sides.

The second row shows two lantern awards made by other SCAdians. The first was made by Brig Ingen Erennaigh for a baronial service award called the Coill's Beacon, and the second is an Award of Arms by Northshield's own Tatiana Melville.

My original plan was actually to make a couple of so-called Viking lanterns like the kind you see all over Etsy. These usually consist of a top and bottom disc of wood, with dowels in between, and parchment or rawhide wrapped around the exterior. Extremely simple, and the parchment provides the perfect scroll text surface, but thanks to Morgan Donner's video, I now know those are dated to the 1800s. The idea of illuminated parchment stuck with me though and I decided to make a lantern more along the lines of the Breviary lantern but with simulated parchment in place of horn panes. I felt this was a good compromise between my original plan and a documentably period shape.

I didn't leave myself enough time to make this scroll, between the shield I made for Crown Tournament and Halloween festivities. Thinking fast, I ran out to my local hardware store for some precut 6 inch rounds. The ones I got have an ahistoric Roman ogee routed into the edge, but they'll add some nice visual detail to the scrolls.

Splitting my poplar side beams to width was vaguely harrowing on my radial arm saw. It would've been better to use my bandsaw but it's really not set up for use yet, so I made a janky jig and stood off to the side.

I was successful, and began the annoying process of carving 24 dowel tips.

Tools of the trade, and five doweled supports installed in the first base.

The coping saw did a great job of parting off each dowel end.

Dog bless the Shinso rasp. This thing makes my woodworking experience so much easier.

I got one set done and checked my progress. This looks really, really good so far.

I then grabbed some copper and went to town making the candle holders. I wanted these to have some give for different diameters of candles, including electric candles. These were made entirely off of Morgan Donner's video and aren't based on anything I personally researched, so I can't say anything to their historocity beyond knowing that sheet copper definitely wasn't the material of choice back then. I used a spare fat poplar dowel to form both holders.

I then used sidecutters to make the flanges, and bent them out flat. I used some brass brads to nail the holders to the bases, and pressed them through with my drill press just as I did with the tacks to the targe I made last month.

At this stage I needed to do a test fit, and boy was I happy with the way it looked so far. Now, I must say that this is not enough spacing between the candle and the lantern roof. It'll probably be alright, but it could also get pretty dang hot and risk a fire in there. A shorter candle would be better, but I have a hundred of these beeswax candles so I'm gonna give them away as gifts whenever I can.

Since the Book of Hours lantern is red and Samii's livery colors are red and gold, I painted his lantern red. I used a few different paints mixed together to achieve this shade, and then I sprayed the whole thing with matte polyurethane sealant.

I decided to make Kat's a nice golden oak color in contrast to the red lantern, based on so many being light colored in the various illustrations and illuminations I saw. It was down between this and painting it blue to match her arms, but I think I'm glad I did two very different finishes. The poplar is so green that the oak stain couldn't really compensate, but it's not bad. This lantern was sealed with finishing wax.

At this point Kim stepped in to get the scrolls done. This is Pergamenata, a perennial favorite of SCA scribes for having a similar surface feel and translucency to animal parchment. Usually I do illumination and word smithing while they just do the hand writing, but this time they took on all three of those tasks, much to my joy.

Here's Kat's scroll panes before color. You can see Kim used a template made off my test fit of the lantern to get the spacing correct. They used Speedball india ink and matched the hand to the calligraphy in CNM XXIII.C.124 Velislavova Bible, which they also took the design of the torch from.

Both scroll panes inked, painted and drying. We chose these scrolls to try tempera paint for the first time and the translucency of the tempera on the translucency of the perg is just so good.

Here's Kat's scroll panels with the oak-stained side supports.

Here's Samii's scroll panels with the red side supports.

The final assembly process. I had to cut the scroll panels into individual panes, because the spacing wasn't perfect. I used wood glue to affix the perg panes to the backside of each support, holding or clamping alternately to keep everything in place as the glue-wet perg curled away from the supports and then uncurled as the adhesive cured. It was a pain in the ass but it worked out. I then had to form two bronze rings for the tops of each lantern, and install hooks and loops to close the back pane, which has one end loose and wrapped around a thin piece of basswood.

Here is the final assembly completed, showing the door hooks made of bronze and the eyelet screws made of brass. This is not a very historic door shape, but it's what Morgan Donner hacked together for her lanterns and if it worked for her it'll work for me.

Kat's scroll completed as well, and here's the only view I have of the top suspension ring.

And of course it's not a lantern if you don't see it illuminated. I gave both recipients a beeswax candle and an electric candle, and this photo was taken with the electric candle in place. I had to wrap gaffer tape around the base to make it fit. The electric candle is actually pretty bright! Look at that pretty red paint, and not the fact that the support is slightly angled.

#sca #society of creative anachronism #my crafts #reenactment #lantern #medieval #scribal #scrolls

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bettsfic · 1 year

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Currently working on my first novel and I feel like this dreaded sense of fear of being terrible. I’m critiquing everything and I’m only on chapter one. I feel like I’m not getting my characters tone write when it comes to writing the exteriority aspects of the book. I also feel like that I won’t ever be able to keep up with my goals: Like wanting to write 3-4 books a year. I just feel this crippling sense of pressure and like my process it wrong.

Do you have any tips? Desperately need some.

i've been a writing coach for a long time now and i've helped a lot of people write their first novels. in fact i would say most of my clients come to me wanting to write a novel. so my advice to you is the same as my advice to them: reframe your goals.

the problem is in the question: "i just feel this crippling sense of pressure." sitting down to write a novel is like stepping outside your front door one day and trying to run a marathon. sure, there are a few people in the world who can run 26 miles and it's just another tuesday, just like there are a few people in the world who can sit down and write a novel. but most people who have a goal of running a marathon have to train for it a long time by running a 5k, then a 10k, and so on.

writing 1 novel is hard. expecting yourself to write 3-4 a year is setting yourself up for failure. the only writers who write 3-4 novels a year are ones who stick to rigid genre formulas they enjoy writing repeatedly. because they write so quickly, their prose is generally fairly stock. i don't want to put down writers who write like this. everybody's gotta make money. but you'll never write your best work writing 4 novels a year. your best work will come from writing 1 novel 4 times.

i know hundreds of writers, i've taught hundreds of writers, and not one of them attempts 3-4 novels a year. exceptionally few can write 1 novel a year. the most famous, well-regarded authors i've ever worked with have only one or two books published. writing is a long con. the longest con.

a lot of times, that perfectionistic voice that critiques everything and keeps you from writing exists because you still need to practice the iterative process. by that i mean, writing a piece of fiction and revising it to the best version of itself over months or maybe years. learning that process takes a long time, and an even longer time for recovering perfectionists.

i think you should work on a short story instead of a novel. it's a lot easier to revise 5k words than 50k. the most important skill in developing your process is learning how it feels when something is done, when you've made it the best thing it can be. once you feel that enough times, you'll have the patience to write longer and longer work, and rewrite and revise that work as many times as you need to.

because we as readers only ever see published novels, i think it's easy to get sucked into success bias. you go into a bookstore and it's like, wow look at all these books that people have managed to write! but beyond those books are billions of words unpublished and maybe unread. thankfully i have no such success bias to offer.

in 2015, i sat down to write my first original novel thinking i would finish it and publish it within a year or two. i got about 10k into it and gave up. in 2016, i switched directions and wrote my first short story. in 2017, i got it published. i wrote a few more stories and got a few more publications, and in the process racked up hundreds of rejections. in 2018, i finished my first novel. in 2019, i queried it to agents and discovered it was unpublishable. i finished a short story collection that year and queried that instead. in 2020, i signed an agent with it. she gave me feedback and i revised it. in 2021, she sent it out for submission and it didn't get picked up. in 2022, i finished another novel, but it totally missed the mark and i think i have to just toss it and move on. now in 2023, i've (nearly) finished what i hope will be my actual debut novel. if it gets picked up (huge if), it'll be published around 2025, ten years after i set out to write my first novel. but it may also not get picked up at all, and i'll have to start over again, and it'll be another ten or twenty or thirty years before any of my work sees the light of day.

i'm not telling you this to deter you. in fact my path is not particularly conventional, but i'm also writing stuff that's difficult (nearly impossible) to market. what i'm saying is, what if instead of 3-4 novels a year, your goal was one novel in 10 years? but not just any novel--your best novel. the novel you can look back on and say, that's everything i've ever wanted to write and share with the world. in 50 years, would you rather look back and find 5 pieces of your absolute best work, things you've crafted with so much thought and love and care that they're part of you? or 200 novels, a quantity so large that most of it you can't even remember writing.

in all creative endeavors, you have to seek joy. you have to write selfishly, write the things that give you the most life. the stories you absolutely need to tell. and to do that, you have to lower the stakes, constrain your goals. you have to play like a little kid in a sandbox of words. your goal on monday: one sentence you're proud of. maybe that takes 100 sentences to find. your goal this month: a paragraph you love so much you want to read it over and over again. your goal this year: a chapter, or maybe an outline, or a completed study in an aspect of craft you're interested in improving. keep it small. seek what you find beautiful. appease only yourself.

i wrote a newsletter about reconceiving the perception of project that you might find helpful. i'm hoping to write soon about reconceiving the idea of Being A Writer, which will hopefully also be relevant.

best of luck to you on your writing journey.

#writing advice #process

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earlgreytea68 · 7 months

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egt, this post came across my dash: https(:)//omgitspeterick(.)tumblr(.)com/post/125959787079/do-you-think-patrick-and-petes-relationship-has

its rather old, but it made me think. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. However, if you'd rather not, I totally understand!

oh, yes, this post!

I read this post many years ago, when I was first getting into Fall Out Boy, and it made me sad, because I don't actually believe in the truth of anything I'm writing but I do like to believe in their friendship, you know? Like, once I was on a podcast where we were talking about bandom and I said that I think its appeal is that there is actually nothing more romantic in the world than meeting the person who is your creative soulmate, and the idea that the Pete and Patrick dynamic could be merely performative really did make me feel sad, like, I don't mind being manipulated by being teased about shipping but it does make me sad if they secretly don't care very much about each other but they know it sells records so they're in it together to the bitter end, I guess. Which isn't quite where this post ends up, but there's a little bit of that in there, like, they like each other well enough and their band is successful, so they hang together. And I think I read this around the time Pete missed wishing Patrick happy birthday for like the first time in a decade or whatever and they really didn't seem super-close, just like casually friends who work together and like each other well enough, but yeah.

ANYWAY. This post no longer makes me sad because I'm sitting here in 2023 and I just went through this last album cycle with them and I just think there's no way it's all fake and I don't even think it's exaggerated lolol. I mean, I have long thought that, it didn't take this album cycle to convince me, but this album cycle definitely helped cement the opinion.

Partly I came to the conclusion that they were still close friends precisely because there was so little performing of it happening for our benefit. Like, I am aware that this is kind of like "I took the lack of evidence to itself to be evidence of the conclusion I wanted" lololol but there's something a little soothing about the idea that we don't see huge parts of their friendship because it's not for us. Which is, naturally, as it should be!! None of their life is for us lol, it's kind of them to share what they share. But the longer I spent in this fandom the more it became clear that there was lots of stuff going on behind the scenes that we didn't know about and never saw because it was just them living their lives and being friends and not performing that for us. They wrote an entire album that happened basically in secret, because Pete doesn't post to Instagram every time he hangs out with Patrick. He never would, because that's just his life, not something he needs to make public for everyone to see all the time so we all know about it.

But there are always enough hints that slip out that seem like the tip of an iceberg of interaction between them, that they'll reference a holiday spent at each other's house, or a party Patrick went to, or texts that have gone back and forth between them, or Pete will randomly post some insanely reflective Story to his Instagram about how amazing it is he met Patrick and Idk, it doesn't seem like he does that on a timer or something.

And then of course there has been this album cycle which has just been -- an incredible amount of best-friend-ness and looking adoringly at each other all over the place. And Patrick being so, so fiercely vocal about the importance of Pete in his life. That post from 2015 is so striking in how much it talks about Pete being such an instigator -- in teasing, in gazing adorably, in touching. And that was the narrative that I had, too. And then this entire year Patrick Stump has just been like, YO, IT WAS ME ALL ALONG, YOU JUST DIDN'T SEE BECAUSE I KEPT IT QUIET. Like, honestly, though, what a plot twist, who saw any of this coming.

Pete's the social butterfly, right? Pete's a people person. Pete's got a ton of friends. He's always going to. He likes to collect an entourage around him. He likes a group. He's happiest in his crowd. I think that can therefore make it seem like Patrick's not that important, since he's one of many. It is undeniably true that Travie and Gabe were super-important to Pete during the hiatus, and it's also clear Pete is still friends with them, and with lots of other people he talks and posts about all the time. It's just a true statement that Pete has a ton of friends.

But I don't think that diminishes the role of Patrick. In fact, to me this is another of the "lack of evidence is evidence" bits: Patrick isn't around all the time because he doesn't have to be, he's Pete's ride-or-die and they both know it. Pete has said, on multiple occasions, that they don't need to talk to each other, they just get each other, they exist comfortably in silence with each other. From the outside, that could look like indifference, two people sitting next to each other ignoring each other, but to Pete it's clearly the opposite. Pete's relentlessly social; with Patrick he can just chill. Patrick doesn't do "hanging out," and on multiple occasions both Pete and Patrick have acknowledged that: that Pete knows he has to make an effort to get Patrick to hang out with him, not because Patrick doesn't love him dearly but because Patrick doesn't hang out, that's just who Patrick is, so Pete knows to reach past that and not be offended, and Patrick has said that Pete always invites him to parties and Patrick never goes but it's okay, Pete doesn't expect him to go but he'll always make sure to invite him, and I just -- that is the most perfect encapsulation of love hahahaha. I hope I didn't make that up, I'm pretty sure I read it somewhere, but maybe I did make it up because I just think, like, how lucky Patrick is to be loved like that, that you never have to show up or be anything different than what you are but you know anyway that you are always, always wanted, no pressure, no expectations. UGH. I hope I didn't make that up, but whatever, it's good lololol

ANYWAY. I don't think the post is incorrect at all about the hiatus. I think they fell apart. I think that's undeniable. I know we've done a lot of talking recently about the revisionist history around the hiatus, and we're so far away from it now and they're so solid together that I think they've forgotten it some. But I think they shattered a little bit. But I think also that the whole point of their story is that they never stopped loving each other, that the hiatus happened partly because of how much Patrick loved Pete, that when Patrick needed him Pete showed up without hesitation. And I think people have said that Patrick did try to write some songs with Pete when his marriage was breaking up, which was clearly Patrick's way of offering comfort, because that is clearly how Patrick expresses his love for Pete. Also, I have always, always, always been struck by the detail of Pete being in Patrick's wedding. (I've heard conflicting reports about whether he was the best man or not, tbh. I thought myself that he was just in the wedding and wasn't the best man, but I have since seen some references, I think possibly from Pete himself at one point, that made me think he was the best man. Either way he was there and I feel like his role was a big one.) That wedding was just for Patrick, there was no photo spread in People, maybe he was worried it would get back to people if he didn't have Pete in it, but I doubt it, I just don't think Patrick would have had Pete in his wedding if he wasn't close friends with Pete.

And I think they've only gotten closer.

I think friendships change as we get older. I feel like I just wrote about this in the context of the hiatus but I can't find it now because Tumblr search function is the worst. But, anyway, you get older, you have kids, you get busy, there are more demands on your time. Friendships look different. But that doesn't mean they're not still there. I think they had a rough patch around the time of the hiatus but I think they've made that up and then some. I think they've made it up so much that the two of them barely remember anymore what it was like to be in that rough patch.

Anyway, this whole long thing was just for me to get to this point: that moment in the Joel Madden interview when, at the end of a long rumination on how he works with Patrick, Joel asks, "Are you guys best friends?" and Pete readily answers, "Definitely," with the loveliest smile, and just...I should have just linked to that moment hahaha that answers all questions.

#peterick #fall out boy #fob

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grits-galraisedinthesouth · 2 years

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Question: When did you 1st know that Meghan Markle and Harry Markle were FRAUDS?

Answer: I was listening to my American talk radio station when I heard a report about an American actress (I didn't recognize the name) dating Prince Harry. I literally laughed outloud. I vividly remember thinking, "oh please! Harry would never seriously date an American actress, this is just another fling. Later came that train wreck engagement interview. I was stunned by their obvious lies. I recall writing a comment on a YouTube channel that was created to question their interview. I wrote, "this is a fraud," and the content creator replied, "yes it is, we just don't know why."

Today I firmly believe that radio spot was PR, purchased by Meghan, to quickly make the relationship go public & appear to be serious.

I've gone through several theories over the past 5 years, and the only theory that makes sense is they agreed to become BUSINESS partners who live in an OPEN sexually fluid marriage.

When they lived in London, someone with inside information wrote, "they don't have a traditional marriage." After relocation to the US, that same contact answered me, "bc they don't have a traditional marriage... they live in separate wings." I just couldn't grasp the meaning of a "non-traditional" BRF marriage.

Watching their robotic performance at the UN settled it for me. It was identical to their robotic hand holding at the royal theatre.

Their robotic love is simply the fruit of a fraudulent marriage. They live separate lives in a scripted marriage.

Meghan's name is on a list of Hollywood celesbians, as a "serial beard" & escort for gay men. BTW Serena's name is on this same list. The popular American couples that Harry admires & desires to emulate are also in open marriages.

Obviously I don't know these people, but Harry and Meghan have NEVER once appeared to be in love with one another, not even during the wedding ceremony. Meghan doesn't seem to like Harry let alone love him. More often than not, she appears to be annoyed and resentful of Harry.

Meghan's first loves are Meghan, fame, and money. Harry loves drugs, sex and alcohol. Meghan will do absolutely anything for money, and she grew up fantasizing about becoming a Princess, like Harry's mother Diana.

Markus and the Mulroneys drilled a hole for Meghan into the locked door to elite associates and global fame. She peeked through the hole and laid a trap for Harry.

Markus ensured that she had access to Harry at the private Soho House Istanbul Grand Opening in April of 2015. Both were in Turkey, along with many of Harry’s Eton friends and UK celebrities. Meghan documented this life changing moment on her Instagram:

"48 Hours in Istanbul may be the best 48 hours of your life."

She pre-planned to reconnect with Harry during his 2 night visit to Toronto in the May of 2016 by taking her first PR trip in March to Rwanda for photographs and a (final) vacation with Cory in April.

Harry began to grow out a beard and Jason Knauf traveled to Toronto with Harry as his minder. Was Jason aware of Harry's whereabouts for both nights?

Whatever occurred during those 2 nights seems to be the beginning of their affair.

Meghan planned to travel all summer and fall. She broke up with Chef Cory, and fled Toronto perhaps giving Cory time and space to relocate. During that time, Meghan traveled internationally with friends (Greece, London, NYC) and then used Gina, Violet, Serena & Piers to help stage a public alibi for a FAKE start date to their affair: July 4th, 2016. (In August Meghan wrote on Cory's IG). On her birthday, August 4th, Meghan notified her followers that she planned to go off the grid and travel. The rest is history.

Meghan scripted everything about their "secret affair" for public consumption: the blue bracelets, H & M necklace, spooning bananas, the come & get it photos outside of Soho Farm House, Scooby-Doo online job w/US Weekly, tips to paparazzi Jesal Parshotam, and Meghan's endless merching.

After only 3.5 months, Meghan rushed to publicize and promote a long distance relationship still in the infancy stage. What was the rush? Was it to generate interest in her marketing campaign, or simply to deepen their trauma bond by feeding Harry's "security" paranoia?

Ready or not, over the next 12 months Harry grew a full beard and officially proposed marriage to Meghan.

Today we see Harry PERFORM by wearing a gold wedding band & by holding hands & arms for the cameras, but they even fail to coordinate their attire for important photographs (George's Christening), and they stumble over one another.

The cost of Meghan's clothing is obscene, while her appearance is consistently unseemly. Many husband's look better after marriage, Harry looks far worse. His appearance is sloppy and unkempt. Real husbands and wives care about the appearance of their spouse. All marriages have problems, but these 2 try too hard to sell a relationship that looks empty and devoid of anything substantial. It looks like a requirement in their contract. Real married couples don't need an American wedding band or hand holding to convince the public of their love. They can confidently sit next to one another without PDA because they aren't starving for affection, they don't have anything to prove to the public, and they aren't trying to draw attention to themselves.

We've never seen their children, ever. Just a few strange photos and video footage of a brief, scripted meeting in S Africa where each one holds a cute baby who didn't know any of the adults. Then we saw a sweet brown haired baby boy with a full diaper seated on Meghan's lap for the reading of a complex & inappropriate story. Nothing is ever simple or straightforward with the Harkle family. Everything is smoke & mirrors, an illusion, a lie, a contract with RULES.

They are partners in the business of making money off Harry’s family connections, and providing for the welfare of 2 children who are invisible to the world. Does Harry actually believe he's being guided by his dead mother? Does he think his mother's spirit is in Meghan?

I wish Harry would "come out of the closet," and be honest about himself. There is no reason to pretend. Unfortunately he seems invested in living out this lie with Meghan. Their plan was to "change the world" by working part-time for the BRF (whenever they felt like working), but with full-time benefits. They planned to launch a royal brand and an American royal court. They forgot to consider the worse case scenario: The Queen said "no."

Today, they are also partners in offense and in revenge. Harry's living out this contractual farce with a beard on his face and on his arm.

Q-Do you think Meghan and Harry are FRAUDS? If so, when did you recognize it and what do you think is at the root of their dishonesty?

#meghan markle #prince harry #breadcrumbs #bring on bower #bringonbower #megxit #revenge #frauds #spare us #like a spare

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not-poignant · 3 months

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The King Albion comment in the latest excerpt made me wonder: when is Tradewinds set in the Fae Tales canon? Obviously after Gwyn's demotion but before Albion ascended, but like, during COFT or sometime in the 10 year gap between COFT and TIP? Or maybe even early TIP, as Albion ascended at the end of TIP2

Hi anon!

So I actually wrote all of Tradewinds in 2014. It's since had several major edits (one in 2015, and one in 2017).

As a result of that, The Court of Five Thrones didn't exist/wasn't finished when I started Tradewinds, and it was pretty much done long before I started The Ice Plague.

So Tradewinds is set during Albion's reign as Seelie King, post Game Theory. I'd need to double check the exact timeline, because honestly the core canon cast aren't really mentioned often.

I know Gulvi is because Gulvi trained with the Council of Lammergeiers (the world's best assassins) and Udir is a Lammergeier shifter, so he's very familiar with that world. And I believe Gwyn and Albion are. But none of them are in the story, and it's very 'separate.'

But yeah definitely not any time near The Ice Plague. :D

(ETA - Falllover helped me realise it's definitely during The Court of Five Thrones!)

#asks and answers #merchantverse #tradewinds #fae tales verse #fae tales #fae tales spoilers #spoilers #the ice plague spoilers #the book is actually really old sdakljfas and my writing style has changed a little #but it's also gone through many edits and changes #and rereading through it has been fun #i know if i wrote it as a serial #it'd be longer #but it was always intended to work as a novel #administrator gwyn wants this in the queue

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ravixen · 1 year

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for the aeris april event! may i ask for shua + 816 🥺

cannot choose one!! Amg bc I love reading most of your works like going through your masterlist time and time again is like stepping into those beautiful big libraries 😌💖 definitely streamer/youtuber au and shapeshifter au is very high on my most loved aeris fics. for youtube au I found the kind of content they’ll do so interesting that if you ever made 50 different variations of it I will read them like they’re the next big coffee shop au collection 😭 + Seokmin’s still has a big chunk of my heart like that changed people’s lives aka me while shapeshifter au’s world building got me hooked! it’s provably lodged deeply into my brain bc I probably read the collection about 5+ different times. the characterization is so good too like the description of their coats/pelts, the way they behave in x scenario 😩👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻 it’s been awhile so this is my reminder to read them again (and catch up with your masterlist) but istg every time I re-read it feels like the first time!

#816: Indestructible by SNSD

// aeris april event

➔ drabble || request || vaguely werewolf!au (if you squint)

➔ warnings: aftermath of arguing, inconclusive ending || 424 words ➔ notes: hurt/comfort? ; whenever i post josh/seokmin content, i'm like, "chia is the intended audience." the YouTuber!AU is one I started in 2015, and it's so special to me. anyway, this song makes me sad, so i took inspo from my "svt + fighting with their s/o" (2021) reaction, my "werewolf!joshua" (2023) post, and the song's first verse!

You still can't meet Joshua's gaze.

Not because you're scared of him—though you have to admit that it's difficult to forget the feral flash of his eyes—but because you know that one glance at his heartbroken expression would weaken your resolve. And right now, you're trying to hammer a point home.

"Here, I'll put that back," he offers softly, hand reaching out for the cleaned mug. You place it on the counter and take long strides to the opposite end of the kitchen, pretending to busy yourself with the hand towels. Slip them off the oven handle, re-fold them along the creases. He sighs at the sight of your back. "I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean it, I swear."

You suppose that, in a way, he is right. He didn't mean the words he said. The moment his brain caught up with his mouth, he clamped his lips shut, the fight melting from his shoulders. But he did intend to hurt you, and as much as he regrets it now, the mission was accomplished.

"How can I make it up to you?"

His tone is nearing a whimper. You give a one shouldered shrug.

"Whatever you want. I'll do all the chores, all the cooking, all the laundry. I'll sleep on the couch—hell, I'll sleep outside, if you want me to."

A part of you is tempted to stay silent, to see what else he'd offer for your forgiveness, but it's been hours. Maybe you've pulled him along for long enough.

"I don't want you to do anything," you begin, turning around to face him. It's endearingly pathetic how fast he perks up. "I just want you to understand why I'm upset."

"I do!"

"Then why did you say it in the first place?"

No answer for that, though he knows why. It's written all over his face. Joshua, the one with the fast legs and even faster mouth, shooting off insults like a loaded gun, knowing that at least one would hit. It's what remains of his younger, more aggressive days.

You press the tips of your fingers into closed eyes. "If it was about something I could change, I would be less upset, but I can't help the fact that I'm human, Josh. Saying that I'm dragging you down as a partner...you could just leave me and find someone that suits you better."

A strangled noise rumbles from his throat. This time, when he reaches for you, you let him, and he rests his cheek against your hair.

#caratwritersclub #aeris april 23 #seventeen scenarios #svt scenarios #joshua scenarios #g: svt #m: jisoo #t: drabble #s: request #fabulaee #ravixen

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dvar-trek · 2 months

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February Romance Roundup

what a fucking month! most of these books were bad, but the good ones were so fucking good that i got scared to read anything else in case i had to knock them out of the top spots. mostly what i did instead was learn too much about real hockey players. i, uh. i don't want to talk about what my wikipedia history looks like right now. ANYWAY!

the best of:

there's a tie for first place. sorry. it's my roundup and i make the rules.

Season's Change by Cait Nary- book one in the Trade Season series. if i can convince you to read one hockey romance book, please let it be this one. the yearning. the fucking tenderness. fuck. a veteran player (who is Going Thru It after having been harassed off his previous team) catches feelings for his roommate/teammate, who is. definitely for sure straight don't even worry about it. they help each other, like, grow as people and rebuild their lives, and it's funny and fond and it made my fucking chest hurt. it is really nothing like the captive prince trilogy, but the vibes are the same. i always read my faves multiple times, but i don't even want to tell you how many times i've already re-read this book. i am so fucking soft for these characters i can't even tell you.

Unwritten Rules by KD Casey- bounced off of this twice before i got sucked in, and then it rocketed to the top of the list. another one that is so fuckign tender. two guys who love each so goddamned much, but break up because one of them is entirely unable to stomach the idea of anyone else in the entire world knowing that he's gay (like, including other gay people), and the other one is suffocating under the pressure of not being able to be out to even his family or closest friends. and then a year and a half after the breakup, they see each other again and it is. exquisitely painful. and they have to decide how to work through it. yes this is another sports romance. don't @me. (also, pro tip, pretty reliable way to make me cry: give me a story with people who are so fucking in love, but the love isn't enough. whether or not it has a happy ending, i will cry every time i talk about it forever.)

the rest of:

loved | liked | okay | didn't like

hockey

●Contract Season by Cait Nary (second book in the Trade Season series. obviously had high hopes, considering, as discussed above, the first one wrecked me, but it is simply not as good. country singer and hockey player who hooked up one time get outed. in order to try and keep this from torpedoing their careers, they agree to pretend to be dating for the cameras. the plot had some weird back-and-forths, like, they both just kept fucking up the relationship in the same ways over and over. also, one of them was named Seamus, went by "Shay" for short, but spelled it "Sea". authors, please do not fucking do this. i have 25+ years of practice reading the word "sea" and it was so much work to get my brain to read this with the intended pronunciation.) ●Game Changer by Rachel Reid (book 1 in the Game Changers series. i had high hopes for this one too, because book 2 of this series is one of the most beloved stories in m/m hockey romance. however. it's not great. closeted hockey player fucks his way into a relationship for the first time in his life. but then after like, 2 fucking months, the boyfriend is like "if you don't come out, you have no integrity and also i will need to break up with you because i'm suffocating" which! the narrative treats as being the straightforwardly correct opinion! like, i'm sorry, queer couples have been dealing with not being out, or not being out to everyone, since forever. and the disagreement is not handled anywhere near as well as it is in Unwritten Rules. very difficult to take it seriously. idk. the writing is. fine. still on the waitlist for book 2, but 😕) ●Winging It (2015 edition) by Ashlyn Kane and Morgan James (i'm giving myself credit for this even though i read the 2022 edition last month because it is essentially an entirely different book. the sex scenes are hotter than in the new edition, but it is otherwise weaker in every way. i give you permission to just skip this one.) ●Crushed Ice by Ashlyn Kane and Morgan James (the newly released Hockey Ever After book 4. not as good as the first 3, but still basically enjoyable and funny. just features way too many things that are extremely unlikely. this one is about an incredibly uptight veteran player and his rookie who is. uh. well, his nickname is Trouble, if that gives you an idea. loved the characters, did not love the romance.) ●Road Rules by Brigham Vaughn (nothing really wrong with it, but also nothing in particular to recommend it. novella-length story about best friends/teammates/roommates who start sleeping together even though they are both straight. and then it takes them basically the entire book to figure out that they're probably not straight, and also that everyone already thought they were dating anyway.) ●Hockey Guys by Sarina Bowen (these books feature very different characters, but have basically the same premise (closeted nhl player starts an ill-advised secret relationship with another man that they maintain is casual even though they catch feelings way too fast) and the same weaknesses (incredibly awkward and unnatural dialogue, and sex that's still hot enough but pretty formulaic). every time i start a sarina bowen book, i think it's going to be so much better than it is. i don't know why i'm still doing this to myself either.) ○The New Guy ○I'm Your Guy

sports that are not hockey

●Dirty Players by KD Casey and Lauren Blakely (two baseball short stories in the same universe as Unwritten Rules. first one is about players on rival teams in the same city that have long-standing sexual tension. second one is about players in different divisions who have a one-night stand, and then end up traded to the same team. it is incredibly rare ime to find original romance novellas/short stories that still have good pacing, especially if there are sex scenes, and these both fucking nail it. not exactly groundbreaking works of fiction, but top marks for what they are.) ○Dirty Slide ○Dirty Steal ●Top of Her Game by M. Ullrich (y'all i tried so fucking hard to give this a fair chance because i know how embarrassingly little femslash i have on these lists, but i only made it halfway through. which is better than i did on any of the other femslash books i tried to pick up this month. it's not even that bad, it's just not any fun. at all. Kenzie is a rookie soccer player who ends up on the same professional team as Sutton, her idol/celebrity crush. Sutton already has a girlfriend, and also has a bad habit of falling for rookies who worship her, but ? it's different this time ??? because Kenzie's not like other girls????? i don't know, man.) ●Playing for Keeps by Riley Hart and Neve Wilder (story time: my mom grew up in china during the cultural revolution. foreign literature and anything that wasn't communist enough was illegal, and having it in your possession could get you arrested or worse. but my mom had a classmate whose dad had been a bookseller, and had a secret personal collection of great literature that he couldn't bear to part with, including shakespeare, tolstoy, dostoevsky, and verne. and this classmate used to smuggle in books that she would lend to my mom for one day at a time, and then return them before her dad noticed they were missing. so my mom read a lot of classics really really fast. the way she finished war and peace in one day was, in her words, by "skipping all the war". similarly, the way i got through a mediocre gay (american) football romance series was by skipping all the football. anyway, these are fine, but the writing quality takes a dive in the third.) ○Rookie Move (rookie player ends up on the same football team as his older brother's best friend, on whom he has a long-standing crush. they get assigned to be road roommates—which, side note, football players make hundreds of thousands to millions of dollars a year, there is no way they make standard-contract players have road roommates—and start having casual sex, which obviously leads to no complications or emotions whatsoever.) ○False Start (mid-career player gets traded to the city his ex used to play for (and still lives in). ends up moving in to his spare room until he can find a new place, and they start having casual sex, which is always a good idea, and of course leads to no complications or emotions whatsoever.) ○Illegal Contact (rival players who grew up in the same town have hate sex that gets very intense and possessive very fast. and. as you might guess. definitely leads to no complications or emotions whatsoever.)

everything else

●String Theory by Ashlyn Kane and Morgan James (i'm just gonna link you the goodreads description because i honestly don't know what else to say about this book. it's fine. the sex scenes are nothing special. there's a fair amount of therapy-speak. honestly not sure how these writers produce romances of such incredibly variable quality.) ●His Leading Man by Ashlyn Kane (tbh i have the exact same comments as above. here's the summary. nothing major to complain about or compliment.) ●Winner Bakes All by Alexis Hall ○Rosaline Palmer Takes the Cake (single mom competes on what is, for legal reasons, not the great british bake off. about what you expect from an Alexis Hall romance. sweet, so fucking funny, and a little awkward. the characters that suck really fucking suck, and the characters that you like are imperfect and lovable. doesn't quite measure up to my other Alexis Hall faves, but it's been a rough month. i'm grading on a curve.) ○Paris Daillencourt is About to Crumble (takes place on the following season of not-bake-off. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. this book is very funny and well-written, but i found it so incredibly painful to read. the pov character has the kind of undiagnosed, untreated anxiety that results in him constantly crying and apologizing profusely for how much he sucks, while continuing to make life very difficult for the people around him. when i got past the halfway point and he still wasn't in therapy, i seriously considered stopping. if you are a better and more patient person than i am, you may still love this book.) ●Roommate by Sarina Bowen (two guys in a small farm town rent a house together and fall in love. simply not very good! i don't think the author knows anything about the jobs she gave her main characters. it also does the thing where they both know they're into each other, but they won't just be together because ??? hand-wavey reasons ?? and then for other inexplicable hand-wavey reasons, they decide to just go for it. this is infuriating to me.)

thank you for participating in this roundup of highly variable quality! as a reward, please accept this special-edition photo of polwygle.

#romance roundup #do NOT @me about my dumb cultural revolution joke #i am fully aware that nothing on this list is great literature #thank you 😌

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pacifymebby · 1 year

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t r o u b l e // chapter two

Chapter List

A Peaky Blinders Balletcore Modern AU

Sylvia

I closed my eyes, stood en pointe, pushing myself beyond the limit, my whole delicate frame quivering with the effort, slowly pulling my left leg in towards my body. I could feel the strain, the tightness tugging and releasing with every breath as I forced my thigh up closer to my ear, breathing through the pain. All my concentration focussed on holding the position long enough to relax just enough to push my knee against my ear and hold it.

My sister had already mastered the position, she was afterall, born five minutes earlier and five minutes more talented than I. Thats what I'd always told her anyway. I'd spent my whole life doing things like this, hiding in the dance studio after class practicing longer and harder than her, exhausting myself to keep up with her. Trying not to hold it against her because it couldn't be helped.

I listened to the rise and fall of Moonlight Sonata, teetering with it as it climbed. For a moment I was nothing more than a body, a waif suspended on string, commanded by the music which filled my ears. Held by the music. And then just as sudden and as sharp as I had been delicate, the music cut out and my phone began to ring. Its shrill tone startled me and sent me down onto my knees swearing at the sting of my sudden release and when I saw my brothers name on the screen I cursed him, vowing not to take shit from him when he'd fucked my practice up.

"What the fuck is it John I'm in the middle of practice!" I snapped, flushing pink with frustration when he chuckled.

"Temper temper Fen," he grinned. I could hear traffic from his end of the line and the voice of another person talking to him, "Sonya with you?"

"No one calls me that," I hissed rolling my eyes, trust him to disturb me and not my sister even though it was her he wanted, "and no, shes not, like I said I'm at practice..."

"Don't you practice together?"

"Yeah well," I bit the tip of my thumb, gathering my things together as I sat on the floor, legs bent out of shape, like a wilted flower, "this is extra..."

"Nah, our Fen doesn't need extra practice she's too good for that shit..."

"Well now you're just admitting you've not seen a single one of my performances from the last three years..."

"Eh now thats not..."

"The nutcracker, christmas 2015..." I said sharp enough to shut him up because he knew I was right. I started tugging on the ribbon of my pointe shoes to undo them, using my teeth to pull the ribbon loose, more aggressive than I should have been.

I might not have seen my brothers for a long time but it didn't mean I'd lost my Shelby charm.

"Right, alright so we haven't exactly been close..." he sighed, "am sorry Fen..."

"Fuckin don't call me that dinlow," I snapped then, losing my temper because I couldn't stand to hear him talk like we were still brother and sister when they'd all but abandoned us down in London at the ballet. Our fucking Tommy probably would have sent us further had he not been so intent on keeping tabs on us. "Me own brothers don't have time to come to a fuckin Sunday matinee but they send their little spies to follow us into town every Friday night..."

"Thats for your protec..."

"Just tell me what you're phonin me for John, so I can get back to my fuckin life..."

"Alright," he sighed defeated, he sounded sad but not as sad as it had made me feel every time I'd put their names on a guestlist only for them to be crossed off it again as no shows. "Alright Syl," he said and it was then that I heard the tiredness in his voice, like he'd been up for days, "I'm at your flat right now yeah and your not home and your sisters not home and I need to talk to y'both its important alright so will y'jus let me know where you are an me an uncle Charlie will come pick you up so we can go get..."

"Uncle Charlies with you?"

"Aye lass,"

"Wait why are you at our flat? And whats Uncle Charlie here for?" call it Romani instinct but at the mention of my uncle I'd britsled, this goosebump creeping sensation shivering straight down my spine.

"Lets just get us all together first right an then I'll explain everythin sis, whats the address of your studio yeah? Then we'll go get..."

"I don't know where Sunny is," I said quickly, feeling guilty because when they'd first sent us off to ballet school when we were only little girls Tommy had made us promise we would always look out for one another. Family first and all that. But in recent months I'd not been brave enough to do that. Sonya had been keeping secrets, sneaking off in the evenings after training and I, not wanting to be another spy for Tommy, knowing how much it hurt to feel like you never really got a moments privacy, hadn't tried to push her for honesty.

"What?" John snapped, "why don't you know where your fucking sister is Sylvia?"

I flinched hearing the flair in his tone, the anger growled out between those words. John had never been the brother to lose his temper with me and Sonya, we'd always been his favourites, he'd always been soft on us, but just then as he'd spat those words down the phone he'd sounded more like Tommy or Arthur than John.

"I...sorry I don't fuckin spy on my sister John she's allowed to leave the house surely..." I stuttered losing my confidence, hearing Uncle Charlie chastise him for scaring me. He said something about how if he'd wanted to scare us Tommy would have come himself. That much was true.

"Fuck sake," groaned John, i couldnt tell if his frustration was self directed or still all for me but when he sighed and said sorry I felt that shiver down my spine again. Something had happened. Something was wrong.

"Look am sorry Fen," he said a little softer, all the stress bubbling just beneath the surface, "where are you? I'll come an get you, we can talk in the car..."

"I'm just leaving the studio now," I said softly, "I'll get the tube it'll be..."

"Nah you won't kid stay inside yeah, I'll phone when I'm outside, you stay put alright.."

"Yeah, yeah sure thats fine I'll stay here..."

"Good girl," he said, his voice sounding like a smile again, relaxing me a little, not really doing enough to quell the fear rising in my chest.

If Tommy had sent him and Uncle Charlie down to London to speak to us, that meant some serious shit had gone down in the family. Someone was either dead, dying or soon to be, and the way John had cut me off when I'd told him I'd take myself home, told me we were all threatened.

"Alright, right see you soon, love you,"

"Love you," i chewed my cheek. They weren't exactly words our brothers used often. He was obviously feeling superstitious.

I slipped my trainers on and shuffled my leg warmers down around my ankles, picking myself and my bag off the floor. As I left the studio to wait in the foyer I slipped one airpod in but not the other, knowing that if my brothers could have me watched anyone could.

In the foyer there was a large wall length mirror and I stood for a moment gazing into it, looking at my sister looking back at me. We were the kinds if identical twins people really did struggle to tell apart, even our brothers. Even occasionally our Aunt Pol who usually had a knack for these things. As youngens it had been a blessing, all the tricks we'd been able to play when we were still close, when we knew everything about one another and we never argued or fell out. Never kept secrets.

But I knew wherever she was now I needed to warn her about John, because if she was somewhere she shouldn't have been, somewhere in the city our brothers didn't run, there'd be more trouble than was worth.

She felt so far away now and I felt guilty because it wasn't exactly like it wasn't my fault. I'd distanced myself since she'd gone for a guest role with the royal ballet, Odette, Swan Lake. I'd wanted to go for it too but when she'd mentioned it I'd changed my mind and held back knowing she'd get the role over me. Now her name was all over this end of the city, Sonya Gray, and next year she'd probably be a Principle. I could try again then, it was only a year. I'd tried to reason with myself at the time, but now I had to admit, it hurt. It ached. I hated to feel jealous of her but I did.

And so rather than resent her I'd started to distance myself, let her drift away, let her sneak off in the evenings, pretended not to notice.

Where are u? Johns here!!!

I sent the text and slipped my phone back into my pocket, turning the volume up on my music as I drifted to a seat in the corner.

People watched us. We were infamous and it had nothing to do with how talented we were. Nothing to do with how many lead roles we could land. Everything to do with our brothers, the name we tried to distance ourselves, the reputation we just couldn't shake. She'd probably heard of my brothers, most people had. What I didn't realise was that she'd seen the news on the television, that I hadn't but when Sonya replied to my texts with a phone call two seconds later, I realised why that woman hadn't been able to look my in the eyes. It wasn't fear or suspicion. Only pity.

There was a woman sitting on the reception desk. A security camera on the ceiling behind her.

When I looked up at her she looked down at her hands trying to pretend she hadn't been watching me. But I wasn't naïve.

"Its fucking Michael! Someones hit michael!" she was sobbing, her voice was shaking and as the words sunk in I felt my own hands begin to tremble. I sucked my cheek in between my teeth and bit down trying to control myself, not wanting to cry now when someone could see me. Because they'd know I was only just hearing the news.

"Is he..." I started, not wanting to finish the question because I knew I was being listened to. Didn't want anyone eaves dropping.

"Hospital," was all she managed to get out before another sob overwhelmed her. For a second all I heard was her choked crying and I wondered where she was. Wondered who was seeing her break down like this. Wondered how long it would take for her pretty little face to start circulating the internet, her hand clasped over her mouth, her eyes red rimmed and swollen, her nose pinkish with sorrow. She'd be the perfect image for the pigs at the daily mail to run with, her pretty tears, the waif in distress. They'd push that photo on Twitter and Facebook, she'd be in the headlines. Poor girl.

"Listen Sunny where are you?" I asked her trying to be gentle, biting my teeth a little deeper into my cheek until I could feel the blood seeping, "you in public?" I asked and she started giggling through her sniffles.

"Uhuh," she said, "I need to get a fuckin grip i know," she said then probably wiping her eyes as she pushed her way through a busy London train station.

"Nah," i said sighing, pushing the wisps of hair which were coming loose around my forehead away. Twisting one a little nervously. "Nah its not that its John ain't it, he's coming to pick me up now and then we're coming to get you..."

"Oh," she sniffled, "yeah i spose that makes sense..."

"Yeah," I said thinking about our poor cousin, rushed to hospital in the back of an ambulance. Poor Pol, she'd barely been reunited with him and now he was being ripped away all over again.

"Shit," she shivered as she spoke, "look I'll be in Camden right, by the lock or something and we can say I was just with a mate..."

"Were you not?" I bit my lip, hesitant, wondering if I asked her now she would tell the me the truth.

"No..." she said quietly, "shit Sylvie," she was whispering now, still crying a little, her voice shaking a little though now she sounded more scared than sad, "if I tell you you gotta promise you won't say a word to John,"

"Cross my heart,"

"I'm in Little Italy," she said then, "Sabini's territory..."

"Oh..." I said, glancing up at the woman behind reception. She was still pretending not to be watching. I wondered if my face was going to be plastered all over social media too. There was less potential really, I wasn't crying, the photographs of me wouldn't have the same waif like prettiness because I'd only been frowning and chewing my cheek. I'd be tight lipped, sharp sullen jawed.

"I've been seein this lad..." she said, "he's Italian..."

"Oh..." I said again with a smirk, cracking a grin when she gasped and told me not to judge her.

"Honest he's not like the others.."

"Not a fucking..." i trailed off, "you know..."

"I mean, yeah but..."

"Oh fuck me Sunny," I grinned in disbelief, "ever likely you didn't want me to say anything to John!"

"Don't Sylvie he'll kill the poor lad..."

"Yeah," I said with a soft smile, "yeah he fuckin will..." I looked up then, just in time to see a swish black range rover pull to a stop in the road outside. I knew it was my brother before the window rolled down and the horn started beeping, but when she heard the beep from her end of the phone Sonya knew too amd smirked.

"Camden Lock yeah, just say I'd gone to the market..." she said, "I'll see you soon, love you,"

"Love you," I said as I stood up and made my way outside as quickly as I could, just wanting John to stop hitting that fucking horn and causing a scene.

Next Chapter

#bonnie gold x reader #peaky blinders imagines #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders fanfic #Peaky blinders modern au #Tommy shelby modern au #Bonnie gold modern au #bonnie gold imagine

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arcielee · 7 months

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Interview With a Writer

I know I usually do Ewanverse or HotD, but I fell in love with this story. Thank you @bhxrdy for indulging me and answering my questions. 💜 As always, Interview With a Writer is my ongoing series of the talented souls on Tumblr and ao3, and their brilliant writing!

Dividers by @saradika

Name: bhxrdy

Story: timeless

Paring: modern Finan x original female character

Warnings: Explicit/18+, be mindful of chapter warnings!

So, when did you start writing?

I started really writing, like 10 years ago now - right into 2013. I had discovered and gotten very into (I'm shy to say) k-pop, and at the time, social media was new to me. I had joined a couple of forums here and there, but really got into the thick of it once I joined Twitter and Tumblr. It was also then - for the 1st time - that I found out about fanfiction, which was an unfamiliar concept to me.

Its a bit blurry, but I remember I started reading a few stories here and there about my fave group at the time and - I don't remember the specifics but - I had eventually started coming up with wild scenarios, small ideas here and there, that I wanted to put down on paper.

Writing in general was relatively new to me (a few years before, when I was in high school, I was writing "poems" and other notes in a massive emo-like notebook - all because of a boy of course), so the idea of creating something substantial, like the fics I had read so far, was a bit terrifying but also kind of exciting because I stumbled on something brand new to me and was dying to be part of it along with some new online friends I had made (which I unfortunately lost touch with over the years).

Within the span of 2013-2015, I wrote 28 stories (on a 3rd party site) - a mix of one shots and multi-chaptered fics, which includes 2 unfinished stories - which were left to die by 2017-2018. I had finished school and started working, which totally changed my routine. The lack of interactions in the fandom didn't help either as by then, it was pretty much dying from the band's moving on and eventually disbanding. The stories are still there, my account is still there, as I don't have the heart to take it down. I've spent so much time on them, and loved every genre I wrote. I either went fluffly fluff or super angst and dark, all of them fun to write.

After that I moved away from the fandom as well and just the k-pop scene in general. I took a hiatus from writing altogether too - the will of it had died so I mostly focused on editing. And then, I started back again in 2020, wrote a couple of stuff on Tumblr (for the 1st time) until I stopped again a few months later. The inspiration stopped and I just couldn't bring myself to write anymore. So I moved away.

And then this year, TLK happened and I just had the inspiration back on the tip of my fingers, just swirling in my brain and was dying to write it down, so I gave it another shot and wrote my first Finan fanfic. It was very rusty getting back into it after so long but I'm glad I did because I got to meet amazing people which I'm grateful for.

I have a tendency of daydreaming a lot, I can easily get lost it my own head. Finding out I could actually just write them down, liberating everything I held up and see them face to face vs. just thinking about them, became a whole new ball game.

Where did the plot for timeless come from?

It hit me out of nowhere and happened when I was re-watching The Originals (TVD spin off). I'm not sure how, but it physically/literally stopped me in my tracks (mind you I wasn't doing anything special, just going to the kitchen to get a snack) as if I was hit on the head with it, like, "Yes! omg! shit! this is it!!"

I immediately picked up my phone and started typing random thoughts and notes down for the story. It was very rough, just generalized ideas of what could happen. Some of those ideas did change trajectory from where they started, but I'm hoping they were good changes and worth the story telling 😊

Watching The Originals helped with the inspiration. I knew Finan was always meant to be cursed, I just had to figure out the best way to present it. I also drew inspiration from other witch shows like Charmed, A Discovery of Witches, and BTVS. I love anything related to the supernatural and witchcraft, so it was fun coming up with the initial layout of the story.

At the beginning, I debated if it should be a one-shot or multi-chapter based on how much I had come up with. I was 99% sure I would stick with the one-shot, but eventually the 1% took over and I just went from there...the lines took a life of their own.

Explain your interpretation of Finan. What drives him? Why is he the way he is in timeless?

I was mostly trying to stay true to how his character was built on the show and transport that in writing within the concept of the story (I'm sure I've strayed, but hopefully that's alright).

When we first meet Finan, he's infiltrated modern day life as if he was part of that world, always. Then he meets a woman on a random night and everything changes for him.

Thinking of it this way, the man has been by himself for a thousand years - the life he knew, his family, his friends - everything from his past has disappeared and he is all alone, and so he was just at this point in his existence where he was done with everything, partly discouraged from being immortal, partly begrudgingly accepting of his fate as a man who will never die.

But then he meets Rebecca, a woman who has no inkling whatsoever of who Finan is, i.e. their meet up was random passing of time in the(ir) universe. Once they meet, his life alters. She was the light at the end of a tunnel, she was a beacon of hope. Meeting her, befriending her - he found purpose again. He was ready to fight again, to live like a normal man again.

Throughout the story, I tried to focus on this aspect specifically - on the basis that he is hopeful to become a free man again. And though, there is conflict within himself, to the point he was ready to give up again, I'd like to think that Rebecca was simply someone he needed in his life. Not because of what she could do for him, but because of who she was, as a character, as a person to him. She put her life on hold for him and in return, the universe gave them something that everyone wants - to love and be loved and not be so alone in the world.

Finan, having been alone for a century, found his drive through Rebecca - through her presence, always standing by his side and fighting for him. Them falling in love was an added bonus.

Do you feel Rebecca/Bex complement Finan in this?

I would like to think that she does, because she gave him a new spark into his life, allowing him to feel truly alive again - which was something he had been deprived off since his original lifetime (i.e. since the TLK era).

With Bex's stubbornness driving him insane at times, I think it also helped him on the hope aspect - she was willing to go to the ends of the earth for him, for someone she had just met all because she wanted to make things right, to help him (a stranger, when they met) find peace. She wasn't reluctant about it nor did he even ask for help (he was the apprehensive/suspicious one). And I believe, at the end of the day, it all came down to how they felt about each other from the night they met. They unintentionally nurtured a connection they created until it became so immense, they ended up wearing it naturally, like a second skin.

Not only was she his anchor to the world of the living, Bex had become the part of him that died a long time ago. This makes me believe - in a some kind of weird way - that she was his soulmate. That, despite the heaviness of the curse, Finan was meant to cross path with her, that the(ir) universe gave him a break in the form of a kind-hearted and stubborn as a mule witch. A woman who would end up gifting him a second chance, and the opportunity to experience the good aspect of life again (as well as love).

Where did the dreams and the curse lore come from?

The dreams part of the story was inspired by The Originals, as there is the concept of the “other side” where non-resting souls are (the cemetery/graveyard scene description was inspired by the one they have on the show) - so I leveraged it and made it so Bex was forced into contact with another witch while sleeping instead of through a spell (as she had no reason to contact the dead while awake).

For the curse, I knew what I wanted out of it as it was already part of the original draft when I first came up with this story idea. I knew where it was taking me and how I would want it built - the reasoning behind it though was a bit if the tough part which I had also integrated into the storyline with Bex losing her shit over it.

Any chance of a sequel? Or do have anything else you are working on next?

So, unfortunately no sequel. But it does not mean I haven't thought of an epilogue - or kind of. Just random scenes with Bex of what life is after the ending that randomly play out in my head. I don't think I'll want to write them mostly because I want to keep the ending as is.

I'm working through a few other stories at the moment. The priority ones are for Osferth (a one-chaptered drabble for your 1k celebration, and a multi-chaptered fic which will also tap into the supernatural concept), which I am hoping to get started - officially - very soon!

I have some others dangling as well, which should eventually come soon as well - this includes Finan, Sihtric and Aemond.

Do you have a personal favorite story you'd like to share?

There are so many to choose from! We Were Something, Don't You Think? by Maggie (@inthedayswhenlandswerefew), as well as Comet Donati and Have You No Idea That You’re In Deep?

Some other favorites include Wolf-Heart by @gemini-mama, Crimes of Passion by @itbmojojoejo, Sanctuary by @st-eve-barnes, and Winterwood by @lonnson

There is also a myriad of Finan x Aisling (OFC) fics by @persephones-journey which are heart-wrenching and good.

And Fire in Her Eyes by @emilyhufflepufftlk is another amazing one for Finan fans.

#interview with a writer #iwaw #iwaw18 #bts #of their brilliant writing #writing community

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bexreadstoomuch · 1 year

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Magic Man - Chapter 11

After Winning your local Battle of The Bands competition, you don’t realise it’s your old school crush’s band that’ll you’ll be supporting for the next 4 months. Can you put the past behind you and forgive?

It's time for the new years eve party, buckle in - let go have some fun!

NSFW — slow burn, fluff, flirting, reader has weight/image issues light angst, 18+ overall for eventual smut, drug/alcohol mention/use/language, angst, smut, fingering, confessions of attraction, EddiemunsonxReaderHenderson

A/N - So it says eventual smut, and the smut has arrived, it's only slight here, warning are above. This chapter also contains one of my favourite Scorpions songs - Still Loving You! I hope you enjoy

Masterlist Part 11/? [wc 6.1k] a/n - please please like, share and comment, your comments make me so happy and encourage me to write more! thank you <3

11 - Still Loving You

Sitting at the window of your motel room, you watch the snow slowly falling covering the parking lot out front in a blanket of crisp white snow.

Arriving early couldn't have been timed more perfectly, as you were expecting a large cold front and even the possibility of a blizzard here in Nebraska.

Looking across at the venue across the street, your face is illuminated by the blue neon sign of the motel, hiding the blush that was rising in your cheeks at the memory of Eddie's hands on you only a few hours earlier.

“please promise me, I'll see you tonight after the show for the party? So we can speak some more?” his words echoed in your head. Of course you’d see him, you were not going to miss out on this.

Of course you were still worried that he wasn’t being fully truthful but you had promised Dustin you would give Eddie a chance.

“Listen y/n, Eddie was in bits after that night, kept asking me why you weren’t around anymore, I’d never seen him like that before” Dustin had explained to you back at christmas in the garage.

“He kept asking about you every single day, I never even saw him get mad, he just went quiet after a while. Once he finally graduated, he packed up his stuff and moved out of Hawkins. I didn't know where he was going, but I heard a rumour he’d gone to California, I don't know maybe in hopes to find you”

The show had gone amazingly, you kept seeing Eddie on the side of the stage watching you closely with a smile plastered on his face, watching his eyes roaming over your body. When you'd notice him doing this you would bluff a few notes, causing him to stifle a laugh and mouth “sorry” in your direction.

Laughing to yourself you get up from your position in the window making your way to the shared bathroom to grab a shower. Upon returning to the room, Lula comes bounding in with a large bag with a logo you don't recognise.

“OK don't get mad, but we got you something for tonight” Lula places the bag on the bed between them, tipping it upside down letting the contents cascade all over the bed.

Your eyes went wide at the sight. All you could see was a sea of black. Black Leather and cloth, and the glint of silver.

“What is all this?” you look up at your friend confused.

“So Gareth may have spilled the beans to me about what happened at thanksgiving and tonight with Eddie - please don't get mad” Lula throws her hands in the air seeing the shocked look on your face.

“So with that in mind, I was saving this for your birthday, but I thought tonight would be better,” Lula explains, picking up a few pieces to flatten them out.

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing and seeing.

“Lula, im, WOW, i mean look at these, they are beautiful but i'll look ridiculous in this” you say holding up the leather jacket which you now see is encrusted with small silver diamontes.

“Now remember what we told you before we left for this tour? No self doubting y/n, you are gorgeous and beautiful inside and out and we are gonna to show Eddie what he's been missing all these years,” Lula had made her way around to you, hands on your shoulders looking you dead in the eye. “You got this?” She may be small but she can be intimidating when she wants to be.

“Yes, YES, ok let's do this” you beam back at her. “Where's Jack anyway?” you ask

“I don't know, she said she had some stuff to do after the show but would see us later back at the venue for the party”

Jack had been disappearing more so recently after shows, coming back to the bus in the early hours. She didn't think you’d both noticed but you had. You know not to question her about it. Like when she came out to you both it was on her terms, she told you when she was ready. And that's the rules you've taken ever since, Jack will tell you something when she is ready.

After about an hour or so of Lula backcombing your hair, applying more mousse and hairspray to your head, that it would even make Harrington jealous, you were starting to get really nervous, and she could see it.

Squeezing your shoulder from behind you Lula gives a small smile and nod. That's the great thing about true friendships, you don't need to say much, and they will know what you need.

After applying your makeup it was time for your outfit.

Lula had hung it up ready for you in the bathroom to get changed into while she finished off her own makeup.

Closing the bathroom door behind you you looked at the outfit hanging there and your body was awash with self doubt.

Thought came flooding into your mind of all the things that could go wrong. The pants wouldn't do up, even worse they would split.

You thought back to what Lula had said “we are going to show Eddie what he's been missing all these years”

Taking a deep breath you set upon getting dressed, trying your best to get those negative thoughts out of your head.

This isn't just for Eddie this is also for you! You deserve this!

“LULA WHAT THE FUCK?” you shouted pulling the bathroom door open brandishing the bag in front of you.

“Oh yeah that, well you never know” lula trailed off raising her eyebrows up and you going back to the mirror to do her makeup.

“How do you know it’ll fit?” you ask annoyingly.

“Don't worry we know your sizes and made sure it would - you'll look amazing”

You shook your head at your friend making your way back into the bathroom, to examine the bag again. Inside were a set of black lace and ribbon bras and panties.

Putting it against your body you wouldn't believe you were going to do it, but you promised her.

Once your outfit was on, you couldn't stop moving your hands up and down your thighs, across your stomach, all the areas you hated.

Taking a deep breath you make your way out of the bathroom, your new heeled boots clacking across the tiled floor.

“OMG Y/N you look amazing! He's gonna die!”

Looking at yourself in the full size mirror you start to feel a sense of power come across you. The outfit made you feel powerful, like you could take on the world.

You take in the leather trousers which are encrusted with stars made up of diamantes which matched the leather jacket which covered your torso which was in a tight black Harley Davidson tee, with a double buckled belt.

Lula had retired her plaid and vans for the evening and opted for a short little black dress, fishnet tights and borrowed your dr martens boots.

“Lula, aren't you going to be cold when it's snowing?” you express your concern looking at her outfit.

“Oh I'm not worried, hopefully someone can warm me up later” she giggled.

“Oh you are gross!” you laugh back at her. She had expressed that her and Gareth haven't gone all the way yet and she was hoping tonight could be the night. Looking like she did, I'm sure it’d be hard for him to say no.

Making your way over to the venue to get more and more nervous, walking a few steps behind Lula trying to take as much time as you could. Maybe thinking that if you walked slow enough you wouldn't have to go.

“Y/N, come on whats up?” Lula calls over her shoulder, noticing you behind her.

“What if it happens again?” you say in an almost whisper, “what if it's like halloween again? I mean look at me!” your hands gesturing across your body.

“Honey, it’ll all be ok, Eddie wants you to be there, he’ll be next to you, and if he doesn't he’ll have me to answer to ok?” She tries to reassure you, but you cannot push the daunting feeling away.

You nod slightly taking in what she was saying, you trusted her. It was everyone else you didn't.

Walking back into the venue, you see the room now transformed ready for the new year. Slivers of multicoloured foils hanging from the ceiling, lights flashing between different colours and the music so loud you could feel it vibrating in your feet.

Looking around you recognise a few people from Wyatts team back in California, over at the bar, he waves over to you both to join him, Jack already in conversation with him.

“Hello Ladies, you both look wonderful” Wyatt gushes, tipping his hat to the both of you.

“As do you Wyatt” Lula comments

“So ladies, I wanted to have a quick chat with you before the party gets into full swing. I've been chatting with the boys and they are in agreement with me. This tour so far has been a triumph and once it's over, me and the team would love to sign you to add to our label, join the team! What do you say?”

You all must have had the same look on your face as Wyatt quickly says “no need to rush to a decision now, but let me know as soon as you can ok?”

You all nod, watching Waytt turn and walk away back to the rest of his team.

“Oh my god what just happened?” you say exasperated grabbing both the girls arms.

“I think we did it, we finally did it” Jack quickly responds.

“What do we do?” Lula asks, looking at you with a worried look.

“We say yes right?” you answer.

You're all looking between each other and slowly all nod in agreement.

No more words were needed between you all, this was it, you made it. Your only concern was you'd be on the same label as Eddie, no doubt working together, was this such a good idea?

You must have willed him into existence thinking of him, because as you turned around so your back was against the edge of the bar, he walked in the rest of the band in tow.

Tight black jeans, chains, black boots and a black sequined shirt, ludicrously open very low exposing his chest tattoos, with a chain dangling around his neck which you noticed had a pick attached. You wonder if this is the same one from high school he always had on.

You notice him scanning the room as though looking for someone, and as soon as your eyes meet, you notice him let out a breath, looking up and down at your body, raising his eyebrows in awe. This alone was making your cheeks heat up.

He looks flawless, and there was that knot in your stomach again, making you shift your weight from side to side.

Your heart sank as you saw the band disperse but Kelly appeared next to him in a tight corset style black top with a long skirt attached, a large split going up one side. He must have noticed this in your face as he leaned over to Kelly whispering something to her, which must have not been good as she had a face of thunder as she stormed off.

Eddie looked back over to you with a look on his face as thought he was apologising on her behalf. Making his way over towards you, you were feeling hotter with every step he took.

“Hey sweetheart, you look, just wow, you look amazing” Eddie extends a hand out to you which you slowly take letting him spin you around so he can look at the rest of the outfit.

“Where have you been hiding this?” he asks you, his voice seemingly deeper than usual.

“Lula got it for me, early birthday present” you quickly respond looking down trying to hide your embarrassment.

Eddie's hand suddenly whips up, taking your chin with his thumb and pointer figure, tilting your head to look at me.

“No need to be shy sweetheart, you look beautfiul”

His words made your heart hurt, you always thought people were saying things like this just to make you feel better but never meant it. This must have been showing on your face, giving you away as he moved his hand from your chin to your cheek giving it a gentle rub with his thumb, leaning in close to your ear.

“I mean it y/n - i've always thought you were beautiful” Eddie's voice was soft and full of sincerity.

Your breath hitched in your chest when he said this. Taken aback by his honesty, you blurted out “I always thought you were too”

Eddie let out a little chuckle moving his hands to your waist guiding you towards the bar. “Ladies, how about you?” he asked Jack and Lula. You had completely forgotten they were still standing next to you, completely lost in Eddie.

“Thanks Eddie but were ok, i'm going to go find Gareth” Lula tells you both, making her way past you, whispering to you as she past “It’ll be ok y/n, you got this, don't forget he's got me to answer to if he hurts you again”

You give her a nod as you watch her glide across the room straight into Gareth's waiting arms, placing herself in his lap, on some of the leather chairs that were dotted around the room.

“You want shots again, or are you going to take it slow this time?” Eddie is asking you as you watch your friend leave, and noticing Jack was now missing too.

“Oh sorry” you quickly turn back around facing him “No, ermm, can i have a cranberry and vodka please?”

Eddie learns over the bar and orders your drinks. You feel awkward standing there. You feel like everyone is looking at you. Judging you. Talking about you.

“Y/n? You ok?” Eddie's voice from behind you makes you jump back to reality, standing there with a beer in one hand and your drink in the other.

“Shall we sit?” He tilts his head over to an empty booth area of seats.

Nodding you follow him to the secluded area and sit down opposite him, hands clasped tightly around your glass, knuckles almost going white.

Looking up you see Eddie's hand also tight around the bottle he was holding.

“I'm glad you came tonight” he says breaking the silence between you “I should of done this a long time ago”

“I spoke to Dustin over Christmas, he saw the letter you gave me and explained things to me, but I don't know what to believe. I was a mess that night, I felt so hurt, I felt small, I felt foolish. Foolish for thinking someone like you would like someone like me.” you thought if you never said it now you never would, taking a large gulp of your drink feeling the alcohol burn down your throat.

Leaning forward in the booth taking a drink from his beer Eddie have a defeating sigh “I thought you wouldn’t want to been seen with someone like me - like I said this afternoon I was an idiot teenager who didn’t know any better”

He reached a hand over the table between you reaching for one of your hands. You looked down at his heavily ringed open hand for a moment debating whether to take it or not.

You slowly extend your towards him, allowing him to encase his large hand around yours.

“Eddie, why did you react the way you did when you first saw us back in California?” You asked him with worry. You had been wondering this for sometime, not really wanting to know the answer.

“Oh that, well, I really don’t know” Eddie's grip on your hand becomes tighter and he searches for an answer lowering his head as though ashamed

“I regret how I acted, I was a complete fool, you no doubt thought I was being some pompous rock star” he laughed the last few works trying to lighten the moment

“But I think it was the shock of seeing you after so long, you looked breathtaking standing there and I was afraid I was mess things up again”

You watched him try and explain himself, watched his eyes searching your face for forgiveness. Lowing your eyes you watch him adam’s apple bob in his throat and he swallows trying to find the words.

You didn’t say anything, just looked back at him moving your free hand to cover his that’s encased around your other hand.

“I’ll be right back” Eddie says as he moves out of the booth making his way over to the DJ booth. You watch him point to something behind the man and have a quick conversation and nodding between them both.

Watching him make his way back over to your booth you see the man behind the desk place a record on the deck moving the needle carefully into place.

You instantly recognise the first chords of the song now playing over the speakers. It was the song Eddie was playing this afternoon when you saw him playing alone.

Scorpions - Still Loving You

“Will you dance with me?” Eddie's voice is low as he extends a hand out waiting for you to accept it.

Taking a moment to consider your options you throw caution to the wind, shifting out of your jacket leaving it in the booth you stand taking Eddie's hand in yours letting him lead you to the dance floor.

Pulling you tightly towards him he placed both hands on your hips giving you no choice but to place your arms around his neck under his hair.

He let out a little noise from the bottom of his throat at the feeling of your hands on the back of his neck.

“How did you know?” You asked him looking up at him as he swayed with you to the music

“Know what?” He looks down at you with a small crooked smile.

“This song, it’s my favourite, you were playing it this afternoon weren’t you?” You replied, questioning him.

“Ah well that would be telling, but I have my ways of finding things out” he learned forward pressing his forehead against yours.

The knot in your stomach was growing tighter, you felt like you had hundreds of eyes on you. You thought you could hear people talking about you.

Suddenly you felt the room was spinning, you felt your breathing get rapid, you were starting to panic, eyes darting around the room.

You felt something on your face, snapping you back into reality you could see Eddie's face still in front of you, one hand still on your hip the other on your face.

“It’s ok y/n it’s ok, you're worrying again aren't you? Just breathe it’s all ok, I’m here I’m not going anywhere” His voice was calming, and soothing. You felt yourself settling again.

“Eddie I feel such a fool” you lean your head into his chest fitting perfectly under his chin, which he rested on your head.

He didn’t say anything, just held you tight while still moving with the music.

He lifted your head of face him, wrapping his arms tightly around you, leaned into the side of your head and sang long with the song to you,

“If we'd go again, All the way from the start, I would try to change,Things that killed our love. Yes, I've hurt your pride, And I know what you've been through, You should give me a chance, This can't be the end, I’m still loving you”

For a split moment you meet his large brown eyes seeing them full of all the emotions he was trying to express. the knot in your stomach had gone, you felt calm and in control.

Wrapping your arms quickly around his neck again you pulled him down to you crashing your lips together in a hungry kiss.

No one else mattered but you both. You felt like you were the only people in that room for a moment. It was peaceful. Eddie responds with the same hunger, grazing his tongue over your bottom lip asking for access. The kiss was more intense than the one you shared this afternoon, both of you fighting for dominance over the other.

Breaking away from the kiss for only a moment you stared intently at each other.

“I meant what I said this afternoon, I’m so sorry about what happened, but please let me show you how sorry I am” The tip of Eddie’s nose touches yours as he brings his face in closer again to capture your lips.

Letting your guard down you let out a small moan escape your mouth as he kissed you with more ferocity.

His hands moved from waist down to hips letting his thumbs graze your sides. You could feel his fingers slipping underneath your tee so his fingers could trace your skin.

The song was coming to an end, but you didn't want this to end. Eddie's hands still on your sides he pulls you closer, bringing your hips close against him.

He moves a hand up to tuck some of your hair behind your ear and whisper “follow me”

Your feet had a mind of its own to follow Eddie's command willingly. Passing the guests in the party you see a few faces looking at you with confusion, whispering to the person next to them. Your stomach sinks, and you abruptly stop, your arm stretching out, as Eddie still had hold of it.

Looking around he looks at your concern, slowly making his way abc to you.

“Are you ok doll?” His voice was full of concern.

“Everyone is staring Eds” you answer so quietly it was barely a whisper.

“It's ok, look at me” Eddie's hands are now on your shoulder, turning to face him. “Focus on me ok? Let's get out of here, get some air?”

You quickly nod your head and you allow him again to lead you out of the venue.

To your surprise you're standing outside beside Bertha. Eddies reach into his pocket and bring out a key unlocking the door.

“How do you have a key for Bertha?” you ask

“Bertha?” his head spins around looking at you amused.

“Yeah she's called Bertha, we thought it was a good name, she's sturdy, albeit a little unreliable”

Eddie just chuckles at this explanation going back to opening the bus doors.

“Lula gave me a spare key at the bar before just incase” he explains walking up the bus steps pulling you with him.

You’ll be having words with Lula later about that. Everyone seems to be talking about the pair of you, except to you.

“It's nice in here, homely” Eddie remarks looking around, touching the wooden panels on the walls and making his way to the bunks at the back, sitting down on the bottom.

“Yeah Lulas folks helped us set it all up, they're great” you say as you kick off your boots into the corner and grab your blanket wrapping it around you sitting next to him on the edge of the bed.

“Y/n?” Eddie's voice is quiet, his hands move back to your face, bringing it to meet his.

You could barely respond to him as he crashed his lips into yours again. You felt his tongue graze your bottom lip asking for entrance again and you oblige.

Your hands moved from their position in your lap wrapped in your blanket to rest on his jean clad thigh. Feeling your hand on him he pulled away from the kiss leaving you wanting more. He slowly moves so he's facing you ducking slightly so he doesnt hit his head on the bunk above. You move yourself from the edge of the bed moving in further as to give him more room next to you. Seeing what you were doing he dove across so he was now positioned above you.

“Is this ok?” he asks tenderly, looking at you for reassurance.

“Yes” you whisper to him, leaving all inhibitions behind you, reaching up, grabbing him around his neck, pulling him into you to kiss him once more.

Your both breathless moans, and messy wet heated kisses. He moves his lips from yours, moving his way to your neck, leaving hot kisses in places you didn't know could make you feel this good.

His hands started to roam your body, tracing down your arms and you tense up when he reaches your stomach. Feeling you he stops looking up at you.

“Are you ok y/n? I don't want us to do anything that you're uncomfortable with, we can stop and I can just walk away” Eddies says, looking at you reassuringly.

“No, no please dont stop, its just….. just , oh god, now I feel stupid” you shuffle form underneath him bring your knees up to your chest, hugging your arms around them.

“Sweetheart, I know what you're gonna say, and please, don't worry. I think you're beautiful and I want to show you how beautiful you are, will you let me?” Eddie inches back towards you, placing his ring clad hands on yours.

“You're not just saying that? You mean it? I've had people say these things to me, just because they can then brag they've been with a Fat girl, and, and” your starting to feel your body shake as tears start to form in your eyes.

Eddie's hand flew up to catch the tear before it fell, wiping it away.

“Please sweetheart, I'm not that type of person. I see you for you, nothing else. Like I said before, I see before me a beautiful, talented woman. A woman who can belt out a song like I've never heard before. You have no idea how long I've dreamt of kissing you, feeling you in my arms, holding you, I was an idiot in school, I wish I had told you sooner, helped protect you from those who would hurt you, will you let me?” You had waited for Eddie to say something like this to you all those years ago.

Unfolding your arms from your legs, you crawl your way closer to him. Leaning in to the side of his face you whisper in his ear “show me, please”

Without another word Eddie dove at you, pinning you beneath him to continue the assault on your neck. Hands roaming down your sides squeezing your hips making his way down grazing your thighs. His kisses become more heated on your neck, biting down slightly, making you moan at this touch.

His hands tugging at the bottom of your shirt, he makes his way under grazing his hands up your torso, the coldness of his rings causing goosebumps to form. He grazes the underside of your bra feeling the lace under his fingers.

“What's this?” he comments breathlessly from his position in your neck.

“Another gift from Lula, she said to me ‘you’ll never know’” you stifle a giggle.

“Can I see?” you nod as you lift your frame helping him raise the tee above your head revealing your ribbon and lace bra, your breasts heaving over the top threatening to spill.

“Oh my god doll, you're gorgeous” Eddie's mouth moves quickly from your neck to lick across the peaks of your breasts making you involuntarily hitch your hips up. Feeling this you feel him smirk upon your skin and move himself so he is positioned between your legs.

“If you want me to stop, you need to tell me ok? Do you know the traffic light code?” he asks you quickly, face flush, hair wild.

You nod, which he raised his eyebrows at.

“Don't forget, green is carry on, amber is slow down and red is stop ok?” he makes sure you remember, you nod again.

“I need you to use your words sweetheart”

“Yes, Eddie” you reply, raising your hips towards him again to reiterate your answer.

“Good girl” his voice was an almost growl as he dove back towards your chest, nipping and sucking at your skin causing you to throw your head back letting out a small moan.

Eddie would continue to ask you if it was ok for everything you did and you answered promptly gaining more praise from him.

Hands roaming each other, you reach down to the buttons on his shirt, opening them up and pushing the shirt off his shoulders.

Your hands stoke down his chest to one of his pierced nipples, asking him “when did you get these?”

“When I left Hawkins for California, you like them?” his answer muffled from between your breasts.

“Yeah I do, a lot” your fingers grazing over the bar, causing Eddie to let out a guttural moan, the feeling vibrating through you.

Moving his hand down lower to feel him undoing the buttons on your leather trousers, asking for entry. “This ok?” he asks.

“Green, please Eddie” you reply breathlessly looking down at his position now between your legs.

Eddie's hand pulls down the zip and gestures for you to lift your hips to help him pull down your leather pants.

“Oh wow, I'm gonna have to thank Lula when I see her next” he says, kissing his way across your inner thighs.

Before you could respond you feel him tracing his fingers across the frilly edge of your panties, continuing to kiss closer to your warm core making you squirm.

“Oh doll, keep still, you have no idea how long i've dreamt of this” Eddies voice is full of want

“Me to Eds, please… don't stop” you encourage him by tracing your arms up and down his bare arms.

“Don't forget, traffic lights” With that you feel eddies fingers move to rest above your clothed heat finding your small wanting bud beneath, rubbing slowly in small circles. This action caused you to cry out a small moan.

“Eddie please dont stop” you reached for his free hand beside you bringing it to your covered breasts helping him manoeuvre the fabric down exposing yourself to him.

“My god y/n your so beautiful” Eddie moans as his hand massages your large breast tracing over your nipples making you gasp.

His other hand doesn’t slow down rubbing tighter circles on your now swollen bud.

“You have no idea what you're doing to me doll, can I feel you?” Eddie looks up at you from under hooded eyes.

“Yes, yes please” your stutter your words out to him

“So polite for me” Eddie grins up at you as he moves his hand under the waistline of your black lace panties moving lover to your folds. Moving his body back up your body you feel his cold rings against your hot skin sending a jolting sensation up your body.

Eddie places kisses against your skin making his way to your now heaving breasts quickly taking your nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it, as he pushes his fingers through your warm folds at the same time.

“You're so wet for me sweetheart, let me look after you, like you deserve” Eddie's voice was a low growl full of lust.

Your head feeling all fuzzy from the sensations you were feeling just nodded, making Eddie stop.

“Your words doll, don’t forget”

“Yes Eddie, please I want you too, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time too, please” you hurriedly said, thrusting your hips up into his waiting hand.

“Good girl, my good girl” Eddie growled as he continued his cruel pace on your swollen bud.

His girl. His words sent your head spinning, lifting your hips to match his movements, wanting more. You could feel a coil in your stomach getting tighter and tighter with every move he made.

Stopping suddenly, Eddie makes his way up your body capturing your lips with his, reaching for the straps of your bra to manoeuvre it down completely. He looks at you with a silent question, eyebrows raised.

“Green, please green” your voice breathless.

Eddie is quick to remove your bra completely, moving his lips down to capture your nipples in his mouth sucking and licking, making you make noises you never knew you could.

Your hands move around his neck pulling at the nape of his neck letting him know you want more, pulling him toward your face. Moving a hand back down to your soaked panties he pushes them to the side tracing a finger up and down you, causing you to mewl.

“Can I feel you? I want to feel you wrapped around my fingers” Eddie asks seductively, not leaving your gaze.

“Yes, please I want to feel you, I want to come around your fingers Eddie please” you are practically pleading him at this point.

This was all the encouragement he needed, slowly pushing a digit inside of you causing you to moan loudly, pressing your forehead against Eddies, rutting your hips upwards matching this pace.

Dragging his finger slowly in and out of you, teasing you was torture, you wanted more. He must be reading your mind as he inserted another digit, slightly curling upwards hitting the spongy spot deep inside, manoeuvring his thumb to rubbing your clit quite vigorously.

You shut your eyes tight leaning your head back at the feeling of him pumping his fingers in and out of you, the coil was starting to get tighter in your lower stomach and Eddie could tell.

“Are you close y/n?” Eddie asks as he feels you getting tighter around his fingers, the moans and whimpers coming from your mouth encouraging him in speeding his pace up a little, making your legs start to shake.

��Y.. ye…yes” you could barely speak, concentrating on the feeling in your lower stomach thinking you might explode. No one had ever made you feel like this before.

Eddie learns down capturing your lips in an open mouthed kiss, tongue fighting for possession once more. Moaning into the kiss you try to find your words.

“Eddie please, i'm gonna come” you were now panting holding onto his shoulders tightly.

“Let go sweetheart, come for me” Eddie's tone was desperate, encouraging you.

With that, you could see stars behind your eyes as you came with so much ferocity, your legs were trembling, making Eddie grab one with his free hand stroking your leg to calm your muscles down. Pressing his forehead against your you open your eyes to meet his large chocolate brown ones. A smile spread across his face, one which you shyly returned.

As he pulls his fingers out of your aching centre, you sigh at the empty feeling, clenching around nothing.

Sitting up to reposition himself next to you he suddenly hits the top of his head on the bunk above.

“Jesus H CHRIST!” his curses rubbing his head with his hand, squeezing his eyes closed tight at the sudden pain.

“Eds you ok?” you sit up moving close to him, taking his face in your hands checking him over.

“Yeah, yeah I'll be good” he chuckles look back at you.

“That was err, that was amazing y/n, are you ok?” he's looking at you with concern on his face.

“Yes Eddie im more than ok, i just never thought we would do anything like this” you now sitting pulling the blanket back around you feeling exposed sitting there in just your now ruined panties.

“Well I hope we can do this again and maybe more?” he asks shly rubbing the back of his neck.

“I'd like that yeah” you learn forward giving him a soft kiss on his soft lips.

“We should get back to the party, people will wonder where we’ve gone '' Eddie gets up, reaching out a hand to help you up, passing you your clothes.

“Eddie, can I ask you a favour? Can we not tell anyone what happened here? Maybe keep this quiet for a bit? I don't want to rush things too much” You felt foolish saying this considering only a few moments ago he had given you the best orgasam you've ever had.

“Of course doll, anything you need, just as long as I can kiss you at midnight?” wrapping his large arms around you pulling you close you giggled nodding at this request, leaning into his warm chest.

A/N - We finally got there, BUT how's Y/N gonna feel? Hope you enjoyed

tag list - @corrodedcoffincumslut @themrsmunson @emmalee-01 @bohemianrhapsody86 @jennk182

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