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strayheartless · 1 month

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DnD AGSZC. You know you have HCs. Sharing is caring.

oh well, twist my arm why don'tcha!

So to start, Sephiroth is one of THOSE players. You know the ones: makes broken characters that seemingly can do anything by level five; consistently has a rather depressing backstory that drives their character to be a dick to everyone for the sake of "roleplay". one of THOSE PLAYERS (see also: the Chocobro... or as Salty has pointed out to me, the Genebro.)

Likes to dable with his Characters. Though his favorite remains his Dragonborn Oathbraker Paladin, named Azriel who turned on the party in one paticular campaign to join forces with a powerful female Dragonborn Litch... I don't thing I really need to tell you why.

Angeals a pain because he wants to play "correctly". he's not competative but heis a rulebook warrior. Cloud has banned the Player's handbook from the table for this very reason. Angeal complains about "house rules" and the "rule of fun" all the time, even while activly enjoing the game. He's a pain.

He usually plays a Paladine and his drive for adventure is always "to avenge/ make his father proud. he once pushed the boat out at Clouds behest and broke his oath, and it didn't go... Well. to put it lightly everyone at the table cried (esspecially Zack) and Angeal had to make a new character.

Genesis is predictable to the point of hilarity. always a Bard or a Warlock. Always a Tiefling. Always gender ambiguous. if the games not starting withthe party finding Gen drunk and bemoning exsistence in a tavern then are they really playing DnD? He will always be playing a College of Tragedy bard (Thank you Matthew Mercer.) He's never pushed the boat out once in all the time they've played and if he can squeeze a loveless Quote in where he can he's gunna do it.

Genesis is however the table flirt and the Horny player. he's rolling to seduce the dragon. Cloud has Vowed never to let them play Curse of Strahd... EVER.

Zack is never predictable in his Character build. In the beginning he went similar to Angeal except a human young fighter with dreams of being a hero, But now he likes to dabble with his classes sometimes and mess around in terms of race. Cloud likes Zacks approach to DnD cause it keeps him on his toes.

His Favorite build thus far is his Halfling Rough/Monk multiclass he based off of a little girl he met in Wutai (you know who.).

When Kunsels Available to play he plays as a College of Lore Bard. He knows everything and Cloud is pretty sure He's been spying on his notes between games.

They are all suprisingly big on Roleplay which is fine by cloud cause it makes his job more fun. He's made them cry multiple times with his storylines, and His NPC voices are unparalelled. concidering he's not expressive in his day to day, he comes alive as DM.

There has been some massive in jokes that make other people question if they are sane or not. things like all the boys mimicing Clouds voice yelling "DON'T FUCK THE DRAGON!" everytime they gointo monster dens. Or looking Angeal up and Down and saying "I don't have the hit points to clinb you like a tree," .

Genesis begs Cloud to make a LOVELESS based Campaign... Cloud doesn't want to admit he already has one, hes just afraid Gen will pick holes in it.

Zack is a bastard for casting Fireball when he doesn't have the hit points to survive his own spell. the one time he played a wizard he cast it, did 39 points of damage and only JUST survived by one singular hit point.

Kunsel has the magic touch where dice are concerned. He constantly rolls consistently high rolls.

Cloud is absoloutly sure Sephiroth uses loaded dice. but he can't prove it.

Angeal always seems to end up getting attacked by mimics. doesn'tmatter how many times it happens, he always has too much trust in everyday objects.

#ffvii #cloud strife #genesis rhapsodos #zack fair #angeal hewley #sephiroth #crisis core #ff7 #dungeons and dragons #DnD AU #agszc #platonic or romantic #agszc headcanon

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a-spawn-on-my-lawn · 3 months

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so yes, today i stumbled upon that post with multiple 10 k likes that made a very good point on why astarion is angry when you help others etc. and i was thinking, "what a marvelous post". until i read the last sentences that went like:

"astarion is a dick. accept that or stan someone else. "

post has reblogs deactivated, so i just gonna put my humble opinion out here: my bro. what is this take. 🤌💩💩💩💩

i stan astarion because no, he is not a dick. he is a complex (not human) being. he has a developement arc. (ascended astarion is, for sure, a dick). spawn astarion starts to care about people (telling us how life's unfair after karlachs meltdown at gortash's, commenting we should save volo even though he hates bards etc.pp). it's actually up to the player which path he walks; we can show him a direction and he happily takes it. from the beginning, he had a potential to become a better person. he might have been a dick in the beginning, but he doesn't need to stick with that. unlike many people irl, he takes the opportunity for change.

spawn astarion starts to learn compassion and empathy, which can surely be developed if he's with the right people. he's actually one of the happiest next to halsin in the epilogue (my opinion).

Ofc he will never be a goodie in two shoes, he's most likely considered chaotic neutral by the end of the game when not ascended, but this still means: he is a multifaceted character and cannot be categorized into "this or that".

so no, i will not accept that "astarion is a dick" and i will not stan someone else. ;_; (what even is this statement)

#astarion #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 astarion #astarion ancunin #baldurs gate 3

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bisexualbard-writes · 4 months

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Kim, who hasn't met chay yet, is trying to convince a hotshot music producer to work with him And he does research on how to woo this guy over and learns he's really into novel sexy experiences. Kim really need this producer because he's trying to show off sex appeal but like. He's actually an awkward boy who's never had sex, HE NEEDS THE HELP. And he doesn't consider it using his mafia resources in his music career if he just BRINGS the producer to a brother his family owns. It's not like Korn is paying the guy off directly. But just to be safe he brings the guy to a minor family brothel, one of vegas' new ones. The concept is that this brothel is a series of gloryholes all in one room. Some of them are normal gloryholes, some of them are bigger ones where there's a large hole with a flap, where it's just some guy's bottom half sticking out the bottom, with legs tied up to the wall. Kim is... not really into this at all. But it is pretty novel. There's multiple patrons in the room with their dicks hanging out of their pants as they go along and try each hole for a few minutes before moving onto the next one

The producer seems to be having fun at least, Kim is TOTALLY GOING to get him to work with him Mostly he just thinks it's weirdly dehumanizing. a lot of the guys in the holes are completely flaccid, he can't even imagine how bored they must be on their side just getting dick after dick pushed into them seemingly at random beacuse they can't see what's going on Kim sees it on a guy who's got his legs tied up to the wall AND THEN a little WIK lyric tattooed on an ankle (more excerpts from the group chat with @snickerdoodlles, @shubaka, and @thecookieofdoom below the cut)

bard he's DELIGHTED, he's not super famous yet, and each of his fans actually mean the world to him. So he watches over the guy in the hole with the wik tattoo for a bit, and then some guy comes along and sticks his dick in chay and Kim is like YEAH. SHOW HIM A GOOD TIME. But the patron only stays for a few miuntes??? He doesn't even touch his fan's dick at all?? it somehow got MORE flaccid as the fucking went on??? And Kim isn't going to lose his virginity to a gloryhole, that would be silly. That wasn't the Plan for tonight. BUT like. That's his fan! He could totally just like. Give him a bit of a hand job. Help him get comfortable. shubaka maybe Kim lightly stroking Chay's tattoo to hype himself up and maybe Chay gets really worked up over that

bard Behind the scenes Chay is definitely rating each person who uses him on a scale of "how likely they are to be wik", it's his favorite game. He knows it's like 0% chance Wik would even know about a filthy weird place like this, but he likes to imagine cookie (snickerdoodlles) Chay feels someone touch his tattoo: a fellow Wik fan! :D!! bard YES Chay rates the timid tattoo stroker as like, 20% chance of being wik because he's so timid, BUT maybe he's another wik fan! Or maybe the lyrics just spoke to him!

Chay likes the tattoo toucher the best, he's always very polite about getting Chay off but for some reason he won't fuck Chay?

shubaka what if kim strokes chay to the rhythm of one of his songs (he should vary his technique right? keep things interesting? how does one normally do these things?) and chay is like... wait a second? is that...? this is a true wik fan <3

bard Kim absently mindedly humming which is when Chay realizes what the rhythm is, and starts humming too. They can't see each other, but they can HEAR each other just fine

Chay isn't allowed to talk though, or he risks unemployment for breaking the fantasy

cookie (snickerdoodlles) Kim's gloryhole fan harmonizing with him is like. Doing Things for Kim lol

bard Chay has like, a whole setup back there. He has water, he has his phone, he even has like, a switch or soemthing. A treat he bought himself after being REAL BORED some nights.

shubaka is he reading/writing wik fanfic during some of those boring nights? 😂

bard omg he definitely is sometimes he puts in headphones and watches wik music videos on repeat

cookie (snickerdoodlles) it's to help with his job, Chay is very ready to moan to his favorite singer showing off his tummy or that fucking tongue thing

(also: awkward Pavlov reaction consequences, hashtag-WHOOPS)

bard One night Kim comes along and goes straight for Chay's hole only to find there's another guy there JUST LIKE. FISTING CHAY???

cookie (snickerdoodlles) hndnsksjndjd

Kim is Extremely Impressed his fan can take that, but also trying to see if his fan is enjoying it, like that's a lot this patron BETTER be grateful

bard After that patron leave this fan's ass is actually gaping open???

Kim didn't know that could happen irl?? (he really doesn't pay attention to anyone else here)

cookie (snickerdoodlles) hndnsksjjsjs Kim has eyes for one(1) ass only

bard And like. Kim can't NOT lick that ass after that. It's GAPING. it needs soothing!

(we're ignoring anything to do with necessary hygine for now, I don't have the brains to think about how to make this safe. OR MAYBE I JUST DON'T MAKE IT SAFE. those kimchay freaks)

Moslty I'm thinking about the 10 guys who left their load inside Chay already that night

cookie (snickerdoodlles) Kim wasn't thinking about that when he first decided to kiss Chay's ass, but I vote he discovers he's Into This

bard The feedback loop of Kim learning a new sexy skill with Chay, using that in a wik performance, and then Chay getting off to the wik performance while he's working. The tongue things Wik is into really remind Chay of his favorite patron

shubaka oh but what if kim starts fingering chay, like he's desperately trying to scoop out all of the come in chay's ass and muttering about "how dare they leave him like that" and oh no he doesn't have any water around to help wash it out... gotta use the next best thing (spit). and then well, he tried to be safe and just clean chay up but oops now his tongue is also in chay's ass. 🤷‍♂️

#kimchay #somehow I have created another sex worker!Chay au #my true baker's special #no angst this time though #just smut and fluff #also more to come #the group chat and I went off for about two hours on this concept

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markantonys · 5 months

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I hope you don't mind a random cauthormodean thought but this came to me in a vision yesterday, so, pls picture: it's the early days of Asmodean disguising himself as the Dragon's dearly beloved court bard. Mat doesn't know why Rand's suddenly hanging out with this gleeman so much, he certainly doesn't trust Natael and can't understand why Rand does! He's not jealous, of course, he just thinks there's something off about that man! (...well. he is not wrong.)

cue Mat showing up at Rand's tent one evening with some cards and dice, demanding a game with Rand for old time's sake. if anyone else were interrupting his precious study time, Rand would kick them out without a second thought, but... this is Mat. and apparently he? maybe? doesn't hate Rand any more? so obviously he can't bring himself to turn him away.

but then it keeps happening. Mat just... keeps showing up, and it gets to a point where Rand's nightly routine is becoming a bare half hour of instruction alone with Asmodean, then as soon as Mat turns up, the hours just fritter away into long conversations and the spinning of the dice, with Asmodean relegated to playing his harp in the corner and interjecting an occasional snarky comment.

at least, until the evening when Rand is on the verge of figuring out a tricky weave right as Mat arrives. he just needs to practice a few more times, he's sure of it. so he pretends that he's just practising channelling by himself, with Natael just playing to inspire him, that's the only reason he's here, obviously, but why doesn't Mat dice with Natael for a few minutes to pass the time while Rand figures this tricky weave out?

and somehow it evolves into Mat gambling against Asmodean, often as not, whose channelling may be weak but is certainly still strong enough to cheat justttt enough to best even Mat's luck more frequently than most could dream of. neither of them can figure the other out at all. they cannot stand each other. but now they both feel a burning need to figure out what the other's deal is. et voilà: a homoerotic rivalry for the ages is born...

...and these strange evenings continue until Asmodean, utterly fed up with being the only one in this tent aware that he likes men and desperately wants to fuck both of the others against every single iota of his better judgement, offers Mat a new bet: whoever loses the next game sucks the other's dick. at which point Rand suddenly realises that if he doesn't speak up Immediately, he's about to gain a companion in the highly exclusive club of ta'veren who've unwittingly slept with a Forsaken, and, well, his conscience simply can't allow that!!

(eventually Mat and Rand both join the club of ta'veren who've entirely knowingly slept with a Forsaken. the day Lanfear finds out about this sure is a Day for everyone in a 500-mile radius)

I'M HOWLING this is absolute perfection 10/10 no notes!!!! obsessed with the idea of mat and asmodean eyeing each other like two alleycats whilst rand sweats in the corner hoping nobody will figure out any of the 17 secrets everyone else is keeping. and of course, any scenario that gives us the matmodean homoerotic rivalry we deserve is perfection!

also, 3000-Year-Old Gay just having to stare at the camera like he's on the office every time mat and rand are like "broooooo you're so handsome, i want to kiss you on the lips. no homo though aha" this is the torment that the dark one has hand-selected for him. lanfear did not know what she was doing, putting asmodean in a position to speedrun rand's Bi And In Love With Mat awakening.

#anonymous #answered #wot book spoilers

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mongoose-bite · 4 months

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This isn't that relevant but I just never remember to take screenshots. Paladin moment! And you can see Wyll's lil face in the background if you squint. I anticipate a playthrough where we both have dogshit strength being pretty funny.

Did Faye go party after talking to Halsin? Of course she didn't. My girl will not rest while innocents need saving, and I did just fast travel out without saving that stupid bard...

I don't know what it is with me and names in this game; I saw Volo and was like 'heh, same name as that freak in Soul Calibur' and completely forgot Volo's Guide to Monsters until I saw him again.

The party. Oooh god I was not prepared for the party. Neither was Faye. Laz'ael kinda had dibs, and couldn't be un-dibbed so it was basically a night of awkwardly rejecting people. Excruciating for both of us. Notable exceptions: Wyll, who did not ask. I thought Faye might go for him, but they are a bit too similar. He's basically a brother from another mother and she loves him as such. Halsin, who was very kind but firm when Faye wondered if she could get to know him. okay.jpg

And. Of course. Asterion. Who let her know he was absolutely desperate to fuck, but anyone but her. Ew. Listen, this entire camp is crawling with horny morons, and if you weren't such a sour and condescending gremlin you could have your pick of them, but instead you're having a sneer-off with the one person you can't stand who is going to go and get laid regardless.

I actually kind of love how antagonistic they are, and I'm almost tempted to turn the ship around just to watch him eat. his. words. But I couldn't do that to Faye, who basically regards him like a tired paramedic outside a club at 3am on a Sunday asking again what it is he's taken. Sadly, he's her job.

Anyway. Laz'ael. You don't have to get all dommy to get head, you know? She's a paladin getting on her knees and giving is in her nature. I don't think Faye regrets it, but she finds Laz'ael a bit exhausting in several senses and doesn't want a rematch either, or to talk about it. Asterion probably sensed that. Dick.

I still had this cursed book sitting in my inventory, cause I am the stupid, and had forgotten right click opened an Attack option in the menu and I fruitlessly kept trying to target it with the general attack option. I did eventually work it out.

Now I had noticed Auntie Ethel had the fey creature type, but I thought nothing of it, and Faye, sweetheart that she is, wasn't going to scare some old lady by telling her about the tadpole, so I only headed to the swamp out of a desire to fill in the map before leaving the zone. Also, a friend had informed me I could improve things slightly with Asterion by 'baa-ing' at redcaps, a bizarre piece of advice that made no sense til I got there. Frankly it's the first thing about him that's been remotely charming.

Anyway, we got as far as the door to the hag's lair, and I thought we'd more or less hit an instant boss fight, and I and my companions were so close to level 5. That extra attack was gonna do so much for me. So I turned around and scoured the map for anything that might offer scraps of exp. Took all day. Rested.

Gale offered a magic lesson. Faye had a great time til it all got a bit too serious and she broke it off, getting the sad and lonely reaction, and she's feeling bad about it cause he's hot and smart, and good-hearted. But. It did seem a bit too smooth, and he did also kick things off with a picture of his ex, and then a demonstration of how good said ex makes him feel. If she even is an ex. I'm not cucking a fucking goddess. Faye's wis score is higher than that.

Dyce would love everyone in this party though. He really would. I need to know if an nonocule is possible.

Back to Faye. Rather than face her problems, she decided she'd rather go to a horrible swamp and fight a hag with a guy who deeply dislikes her. It went fine. Overall, by the time we were done in the swamp, Asterion had gone from barely tolerating her to grudgingly tolerating her. As she herself says, 'I've got a long road ahead of me.'

#crunchy plays bg3 #bg3

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bardcore-jaskier · 1 year

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♡ My thoughts on Veskier + headcanons ♡

- One of the rarest rare pairs in the Witcher fandom for sure! And guess what? I LOVE IT!!!

- They chose the perfect actor to play Vesemir in season 2! Kim Bodnia is a charismatic Danish actor with a charming accent, his performance was AMAZING!

- As of season 2, I personally am a bit cross with most characters in the series for the way they treated Jaskier. Geralt used Jaskier for his loyalty and his apology was shit, so Geraskier prompts/ideas don't come to me as quickly as they used to.

- Lauren went and killed off Eskel, so to cook up some Jaskel content it would have to be an AU where he doesn't die and would require a LOT of creativity not only to make it possible for him to be alive, but also mix and match his personality from video clips of his game counterpart on YouTube, since Eskel didn't get enough screen time on Netflix to show the entirety of his character.

- Lambert was an absolute dick to Jaskier, so Lambskier is rocky too, Lambskier's only saving grace is that Lambert and Jaskier didn't have a lot of scenes together, leaving a lot of room for thinking up ways in which those two could bond.

- WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY CURRENT FAVORITE JASKIER SHIPS: Yennskier (I already made a post about) and of course Veskier!

- Veskier, being a ship of a younger pretty man and an older witcher warrior, has mostly gotten attention from the extremely kinky side of the fandom. Daddy kink, BDSM, dom/sub, breeding kink and other kinks galore. Even more often, this ship is mixed with others in a M/M/M/M/M setting, you know, I know you know, we all have seen the witchersexual!Jaskier tag on AO3. And while I do enjoy a little well written smut from time to time, most of the Veskier fanfics out there do not quite suit my taste.

- Vesemir and our beloved, adorable, brilliant walking sunshine trouble maker of a bard, did not interact in season 2 at all, I doubt that they will ever, with both being side characters. HOWEVER, that makes this pairing FREE REAL ESTATE! Who is to say what is likely and what is not? Who is to say they won't work? Who is to say that they couldn't have gotten together at some point off screen?

- It makes me a little sad that people don't realize just how much potential there is with Veskier! Much like Yennskier, the theoretical romantic relationship between these two, at least going off of Netflix canon alone, would be surprisingly healthy and wholesome.

- Every time I imagine them together, I headcanon Jaskier as not entirely human. Either part-fae or of elder blood.

- Veskier is a perfect ship for emotional healing, for fluff, for the kinky side, for the crack, for happiness!

- FLUFF × CRACK × SMUT × HURT/COMFORT

Let me set the scene

- After Voleth Mier, Jaskier realizes that he somehow ended up in a situation where he lost his precious lute, became a wanted man in Oxenfurt (a city he considered his home), got tortured for information about his ex-bff, then said ex-bff came to bail him out of jail because he needed him, not for the sake of making amends, essentially using Jaskier to find Yennefer and then sending him off with Ciri as a glorified nanny. And here he is, at the top of another mountain, in Kaer Morhen, where Geralt is too busy with Ciri to talk while the other witchers are rude to him. He is penniless, injured, has nothing but the bloodied clothes on his back and is suffering from nightmares about Rience.

- Vesemir is a tired old man who has witnessed too much bloodshed in his lifetime. His body may be enhanced and therefore he doesn't feel the physical effects of aging (if at all) as much as he does the mental. All witchers were human at some point, he can actually feel the psychological toll of living much longer than humans are designed to. Still, he has to be strong as the master of the keep, to set an example and to be a dependable source of wisdom and guidance for his pups. He will never admit it out loud, but the things he has to deal with after Voleth Mier overwhelm him. There's Geralt's whole elder blood child surprise thing, constant repairs of a crumbling fortress, honoring and mourning the fallen witchers, processing the fact that new mutated mosters are appearing and they don't have the mutagens to create more of their kind to protect the continent and survive. There is nothing he can do about it except deal with the anxiety of knowing these stone cold facts.

- In this whole mess, two broken souls might just be what the other needs. Where Vesemir could do with a break, with a little joy, Jaskier is more than enough to help with that. And where Jaskier could do with being taken care of after everything he's been through, after everything he lost, Vesemir is a perfect candidate for that job. Their relationship would be yin and yang, balance and harmony personified.

- Honestly, please tell me that you see it too! They have a lot in common, Jaskier is a professor, mastered the seven liberal arts, grammar, logic, rhetoric, arithmetic, geometry, music, astronomy and according to canon, he passed every exam with flying colors!

- Vesemir is wise, he has lived for centuries, he has witnessed history, he was trained as an alchemist, has extensive knowledge about many things. He is a bottomless pit of knowledge.

- They could talk for hours together and never run out of topics to discuss.

- And the sex? OH BROTHER! Jaskier fucked his way across the continent countless times, while Vesemir is so ancient there is no way that he hadn't bedded a considerable amount of people. Yeah, the sex would be mind blowing I should think.

- Jaskier is a hopeless romantic and Vesemir is a traditional gentleman (when he is wooing the damsels, according to game!canon Lambert.) They would probably be very fluffy and affectionate with eachother. Verbose compliments, music, cuddling, kissing.

- LMAO, imagine everyone else's reaction!!!

- Geralt would be mortified seeing his friend making out with his father figure on the kitchen table 🤣🤣🤣

- The other witchers would probably feel uneasy, shocked at first too, until they get used to it. HAHA ONCE THEY DO LAMBERT IS GONNA FUCKING MILK IT

"Morning papa Vesemir, papa Jaskier"

- KAER MORONS!!!

- Also, the theoretical adventures a witty traveling part fae bard and a silverfox witcher could have, make me beyond giddy!

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ilovejaskierthebard · 4 years

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Concept: In a more peaceful world, the Witchers are just a bunch of dudes with tragic pasts and Geralt is a horse-trainer, Lambert is a baker, Vesemir is the village schoolmaster, and Eskel is... uh... well, no one really knows, because he doesn't actually live in the village. He lives in the hills with his ten goats and sometimes on market days he comes down and sells cheese. How does he make this cheese? No one knows. It's pretty good, though.

Okay. First off. I love you and this whole soft concept and I just like, wanna throw myself into it like a crazy woman.

So Geralt is living his best horse-girl life and loving it. 100% teaches the local kids how to ride maybe even has little shows/games and gives tiny medals with horses on them because why not its 2 am and I wanna picture tiny babies on ponies while Geralt smiles okay

Ciri is deff a student and they super bond

-and maybe a certain Bard is like his only adult student who has "trouble" and needs leasons at different hours and its not cause Roach doesn't like him, maybe he just needs a refresher course. Late at night. Alone. Maybe someone loses a shirt?

Maybe Jaskier is actually a good rider, but saw Geralt the hot horse trainer and whoops he slipped and fell in love and DESPERATELY NEEDS LESSONS 'oh Geralt, I am so weak, please help me up? Oh Geralttttt I need help being balanced maybe you can sit behind me??' MAYBE I am just writing a romcom now and no one can stop me

TOSS A COIN TO YOUR HORSE TRAINER

((More like toss your coin to your well hung stable owner. 😉😉😉))

Lambert. Baker.

[Low hysterical laughter]

This bitch bakes. But like. Angrily?

He is still LamLam ok, big dude with the worst case of Resting Bitch Face since my own. But now in an apron that Geralt or Eskel stitched tiny angry muffins on it.

His bread and sweets are DELICATE and SOFT and works of ART ok but he is still Lambert, my favorite goblin baby so he will 100% make your baby the best most beautiful smash cake -fuck it probably looks like a mini unicorn with handcrafted icing flowers and edible gold leaf BUT he would also mutter and swear the whole time and threaten to burn the bakery down at least 7 times. Probably cries about it too.

10/10 if someone tries to steal his super special recipes he would stab them with a rusty bread knife.

Vesemir as a school master but also clearly the kept man of a local rich widow (*maybe a few, I mean I was thinking of Mignole, but whose to say Papa Vesemir can't be out and flirting with rich upper class ladies. Maybe he was a sugar baby in his younger days, okay. I won't kink shame a man who can kick Geralt's well toned ass. You do you, Papa V) so he doesn't need to work he just likes keeping himself busy and enjoys it. I see him lounging about, reading and maybe yelling at kids to get off his yard.

Its just Lambert setting up his bake sale ok

Eskel is hottest goat herder and that is just the facts. He still has his jacket. He still has his Codpiece of Destiny (let me fullfill that destiny jfc someone take my phone away from me pls I am just helplessly dissolving into a fantasy of Eskel the Hot Goat Dad)

He has a whole herd. All of them have names. Like Miss Daisy. Buttercup. Flora. Rascal. Lamb Chop (cus Lambert is a dick) Lil bleater is the baby of the group and maybe he got sick as a baby so Eskel spent a lot of time holding and cuddling him and so now lil Bleater 100% thinks Eskel is his mom and every time they are out just follows Eskel around.

-excuse me while I go cry real quick

Also he makes cheese because what else is he gonna do with all those goats?? Shut up Lambert he won't kill his babies. So. Cheese.

It starts out as a hobby and really simple cheeses but because Eskel is like, a secret foodie at heart suddenly it is like those special designer cheeses that people TRAVEL for. Maybe Lambert sells it at his bakery too?

Meanwhile every desperate housewife and well hung stable hand is just like in tears trying their horny very best to get into that Codpiece of Dreams & Destiny.

Eskel heads into town once a week and its a whole THING. People spend days thinking up lines to get his attention. Probably cheese related flirty puns because they all applied to Jaskier's World Class Flirting Courses. (Why wouldn't they?? His flirting is totally working with Geralt so maybe that's just how you get a hottie of that level??)

Poor Soul: Brie Mine 😉

Eskel: What? I don't have Brie?

Poor Soul about to get his money back: 😧

Everyone flirts their pants off but Eskel just doesn't get it. Maybe they are just being nice because of his scars? Maybe Lambert threatened them with burnt buns for a month?

Meanwhile there are like at least three people willing to propose marriage at any given time and help him raise all his goat babies IF HE WOULD JUST LET THEM???

Im done now.

#jaskier #jaskier dandelion #the witcher #geralt of rivia #Eskel #Lambert #ask #why did no one stop me #i am so sorry #and not sorry too #🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️#vesemir #domestic!witcher au

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nochiquinn · 6 years

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campaign 2 episode 3: the full wizard experience

"show us your mouuuuuth hoooooles"

laura and sam's dice fucking each other over is on brand, honestly

this is starting well

the way these are lit always makes me think they're in front of a green screen even though I know they're not

that whole attack description was in vax voice

"MAKE UP FOR OUR SHORTCOMINGS TALIESIN"

dervish entity

"doesn't make me trust you any more. kinda less, actually."

discord: blood mollydict

he's so shocked

jester is me

hearing them still trying to settle into the voices is great

except travis sounds like a prospector right now

CLICKERS

"I'LL FIGHT YOU IN THE ANUS" travis what

MOLLY DOWN MOLLY DOWN

REZ CANTRIP

"she has a pastry kit"

"I'm THE cleric?!"

"there's no vanilla extract or sprinkles"

throw it in the lake

I'm so glad travis is smart now

hellfart

laura is so fucking cute

no. travis no.

I love taliesin's shirt

"you hop on your mustang" "shelby" traVIS NO

"this is definitely not going to backfire let's go"

"I arrange the bodies like they were having a romantic tryst" me playing skyrim

"she's all about shady shit"

I am very attached to the way caleb says beau's name.

okay I'm a big nerd BUT with the size of that thing and how far it jumps wouldn't it have like. ditches for footprints? just huge impressions where it shoved its weight off?

if you've been awake for less than two hours it's still morning

is this like grog hiding money in the bag of holding

"I shove the book down near my dick where she won't want to go after it" "I'm not afraid of dicks."

"she's not your sister anymore"

can. can jester not read?

"CALEEEEB we're BORED, tell us a STORY"

travis' FACE

"so it's all in the delivery of the seamen, is what you're saying"

"I mosey away"

I have a vague idea that jester can't read. or at least not well.

also laura's hair is really cute

make a roll to metagame

rocks fall from the sky, land only on caleb somehow

"she's eaten him twice"

real friends crowdfund your wizardry

they killed matt game's over

"you look like a princess" GUYS YOU CAN'T DATE IN EVERY GAME

"there's that bullshit again"

"can he tell who did it?" "no" "that's wonderful"

"you can't make me vax again, it won't work"

"playdoh! we've got playdoh!"

caleb, the Smelly Alchemist

I want that in my hair so baaaaad but I can't braaaaid

(I have basically beau's exact hairstyle)

"that's SO offensive"

"fucking anime actors" okay GAARA

"then why were you with the carnival?!" "because I'm WEIRD"

"AS AM I" five people at once: uhhhhhhhhh

"it's a nordic seven"

fuck that guard in particular

me going grocery shopping for my parents

NOAH matt no

"no aerator?" my favorite running joke

marisha's angry noises at her roll

what did sam SAY

tbf nighttime is the only time I would go to the beach

travis' choked little "kentucky"

mirelurks

NERDS

beau startled the witch!

at 12:45 matt really

"that's why we're holding hands?" like you need a reason

DON'T YOU GASLIGHT THAT BABY

light!

CHILDREN AND OLD PEOPLE

"if I move I am dicked"

el toad from hell-o

travis is so happy about having a spell dc

twice in one episode!

"you're a bard? what the fuck?"

I know I've said this before but if the roll matches the AC then it shouldn't count as a hit. it matched the armor class. the armor is performing as intended.

cool clerics don't look at explosions

"I cover caleb's body with mine" I'm not crying you're crying

marisha and travis are becoming my favorite table buddies

he fires it out of the pommel that's so fucking cool

blubberous

IMPS FALL EVERYONE DIES

"GIT"

matt stop fondling talisen's snitch

beau knocks the girl back out

"there's a convention around the imp right now"

caleb, waking up to nott's rescue breaths: put me back

I have three different molly-based emotions right now

1. "thank you, you did the right thing"

2. protecting toya

3. like he's holding a baby

jester don't give nott a panic attack

I can't wait for them to drag the fucking dead fiend back to that poor guy's boat

CUTES

marisha's face at being denied a level up

#critical role #critical role spoilers #spoilers #reaction post #crititag #liveblog

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