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flowersbark · 1 month

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Holy shit. Okay. Hi. I’m also a csa survivor. I’m legit so desperate for anything sort of recognition on this issue I’ve been having for almost 2 years now. https://www.tumblr.com/flowersbark/740288973409288192/fellas-is-it-a-proship-to-project-cocsacsa-on

It relates to this post, except I am going to get EXTRA personal on this.

Tw for r//pe, gr///ming, Self-h//rm, and csa (obvsly)

Okay so I also really really reallyyy don’t like proshippers, I am hypersexual, and I have zero access to any sort of help atp in my life. Now that I have those things out of the way right now, I am essentially in a dilemma a lot like that post. One major problem, it’s not me JUST wanting to project, it’s me wanting to BE in that spot of the victim again for some reason. And I mean like srsly getting assaulted again and all that horrible stuff. Like, i THINK these ideas, thoughts, and urges I have are called “intrusive thoughts”?? But I’m not sure. I’m disturbed by them regardless.

This has been so frustrating to deal with bc first of all, I’m not a victim to gr//ming, second, yes, I am a victim of csa at a young age, and third, I find myself having some sort of YEARNING to be hurt in such a way. (Not cocsacsa, just to not let things get mixed up btw) I have looked around on the internet for so long about this issue and I find NOTHING on it, like, am I just going crazy? Am I trying to cope with it in the worst way possible? Like, I genuinely don’t know, and it drives me mad because on one hand, I have this massive theory that it’s a mental attempt of “self- h//rm”, and then on the other hand, it’s a bizarre extreme version of yearning for touch and affection, but I’m just so unsure because I can’t find any other personal accounts of anyone else!

I acknowledge that your post wasn’t about this oddly specifc scenario, and I’m so sorry that this is so out of pocket, and possibly even counterproductive (idk) but as another csa victim, would you be able to offer some sort of insight? Is that something I can even ask for on here? It’s okay if you can’t, or don’t want to, I fully understand if I just never see a response to this. I really hope things get better for you and that you’re a having at the very least, a decent day regardless. Thank you.

Also p.s., sorry for not being able to answer that question, I myself am also uncertain on a definite answer for that. Like, the most I can say is that I think it’s okay to explore unhealthy dynamics, so long as they’re both acknowledged as bad/unhealthy/traumatizing things, and not put out to the public since people can take/look at things and get weird and nasty🤢 (so generally just used in a private and secure setting)

HI !!! uhh

first off, yes you can ask for advice, insight, anything. thats why i made this blog, other than to just vent to strangers. second, thank you for giving me your opinion on the csa proship situation.

i do think what you're going through are intrusive thoughts, and i get those a lot too. especially about going through what i did again, or worse. i also fucking HATE those thoughts, especially because my mind makes it by people i know irl, especially classmate im close to. it makes me feel disgusting and like im sexualizing and making my classmates horrible people when they ARENT. intrusive thoughts arent a reflection of who you are, theyre a reflection of who you DONT want to be, thats why theyre so disturbing.

again, the almost yearning for it is intrusive. it's also a trauma response. like how people who are used to being mentally abused will seek out and be with people that will treat them like that, its kinda like that. its not a good way to cope, but its not the WORST. as the absolute worst would be repeating the cycle.

im sorry if this doesn't help, its kinda just my word vomit with no revisions,, but i hope it does. it gets better, i promise. keep going.

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tsukidangaronpabrainrot · 1 year

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I normally don't do this type of post because it wasn't my intention when I created this blog, however as it is related to danganronpa especialy shipping( of course it is ,well lets say this fandom is quite intense in the subject of ships to say the least) i feel this whas a nice space to this kind of vent.

I quite loyal to my ships but i like to belive im pretty open to hear people out on their, to try to understand what is the apeal even if dont work for me, i just whant to see the positivy side of things however this day something happen that made me notice something about myself, idk if can explain correctly but when someone is so agresive with their shiping put other ship down to compare to their own i feel like any type of interest that i had before in trying to like them myself get lost,especially if the shipp or ship fans in questions they are puting down is one i like our im a part of, it make me feel so akward.

Of course, this dont apply to criticism , everyone has the right of expressing their opinion and hearing where people are coming from overall enrich your visions make less one side even if you disagree with the persons take, im talking about the ones that are just hate like ''this ship suck'' , ''this ship i have is so much better than the other one'' our ‘’the fans of this ships are stupid’’ this just blatantly unnecessary mean. One argument i see being toss alot when people trying to justify this behavior is ''oh the fans of this ship were bad to me’’ with i can see some point of it,i allways gona be agaist any type of toxic ship plus ‘’pettyness’’ is normal to have in time to time,yet fogiveness if sound to harsh, but if act like they acted toward you repeating the circle you are not becoming the same level as they? Like you not doing any better being this whay generalizing a group of people and being nasty with them just becausa you had bad experiences in the past? Why compare to their ship in the firt place? why not focous on doing you own and the the positivy things than weaponize your anger?

I consider myself a pessimistic person, i allways think of the worst so i can just only hope for the best , however when i see any hate toward something i like i just whant to make more things of it to combat the negativity, i think if people did the same could be best for them mentally but made they and their ship become more approachable to people like me who whanted to give a shot, well as a friend of me sayed to me ‘’is their loss’’ so is better not cry over spilled milk ,is just quite disapointed is okay to have you taste though, if you dont like something i like is totaly valid just being so agresive about it is what feel weird, i just dont like this type of mentalitys.

sorry for the long rant is definly not the normal type of post on this blog, but i dont know i feel quite relife in saying out lound in a space that make me feel safe, maybe i can use this blog to tell things are on my mind related to danganronpa the blog focous is not gona change stil i feel is a nice change of passing and maybe give people glimpse of the type of belifes and opinions i hold.

if you read this far, thank you for give me your time and stay safe <3 .

#danganronpa #shipping #shipping issue #shipping discourse #rant

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painonthebrain · 1 month

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I’m gonna be honest watching everything with @/emmettworld go down is just kinda sad and also makes me. Conflicted?

Idk proship vs anti shit below cut im just . I probably shouldnt be writing anything rn bc my brain isn’t functioning for. Some fucking reason but whatever i do what i want

Like I don’t define myself as proship bc I think the whole pro vs anti thing is like. Ugh I can’t find the words. Idk it’s like.

Like I don’t want to call myself proship because. I have so many friends who will tear me apart for that and itll ruin our relationships and I love them and also I hate like. Having to attribute myself to a “side” but like. I’m completely fine with everything fictional. Yes. I don’t care, as long as it’s properly tagged, warned, etc.

Also I ship stuff like selfcest and clonecest so. Idk I don’t think antis do that.

And anti culture reeks of ew ew ew this (fiction) is gross! It shouldn’t exist AT ALL! And proship culture reeks of oh my god these stupid baby minors this is FICTION. DUH. Youre all beneath me

Anyway I know theres at least one moot i i can think of who has proship dni in their intro and like... if ur reading this. hi. I dont call myself proship but i certainly have some of the beliefs which is why i interact but if you’re uncomfortable u can totally block me like. Im not doing this to be some shady imposter who lurks in the dark i just dont label myself as any of this shit!!

im like. Lowkey terrified of how people are going to react to this post bc im HORRIBLE at using my words rn but like.

Like i just want people to make whatever tf they want to make! It shouldn’t be a person’s problem to “sanitize” themselves! And also fictional characters are quite literally made up people we create to do whatever the fuck we want to them! But also it’s important (in my opinion) to be at least a little critical of what you make. But also you shouldn’t have to file down your expression. But alsO-

Like there are so many factors to well. Factor in when it comes to fiction! And i try so hard to develop my media literacy (even with my underdeveloped baby frontal lobe) every day but even so these topics can be hard to navigate

Anyway yeah no conclusion paragraph because as you can probably tell from my writing. I have no idea what im saying i just feel the need to say something

Idk i just feel like a neurotic prey animal right now like im like.

Ok ok time to get personal guys

I have like MAJOR irrational fears that i am a horrible person like. Almost constantly and pro vs anti discourse makes that shit go fucking WILD. anyway. Yeah i have like this almost fanatic paranoid fear that no matter how hard i try i am a Bad Person and that im like. Metaphorically rotting from the inside and eventually i will expose it to everyone that i am Bad and Awful and Nasty and that even then when everything goes bad ill be completely unaware of my own inherent corruptness and that i will eventually hurt people or whoever i have the capacity to hurt and that things are doomed to fail for me because im such an abhorrent person

Anyway yeah those thoughts are obviously NONSENSICAL because… what??? The fuck????

But then my brain is like ooh yeah lets introduce some fucked up thoughts in here. Intrusive thoughts, if you will. Which all span many nasty awful things that are usually highly morally corrupt and wow I wonder if that ties into all that i said before? Yep it probably does!

Which makes me anxious as hell because then im also convincing myself that those thoughts are real and are my own thoughts and wants. Which FUCKS ME UPPP

So anyway that’s why I don’t label myself as pro or anti because proship makes me feel like im a horrible person who will hurt people and is disgusting and awful (also the intrusive thoughts) and the anti label goes against my very strong beliefs of freedom of creation and expression etc.

Yay rant vent brain barf over!!!!

#elec rambles #rant #vent #i really dont know if it qualifies as either of these but whatever #its like a weird amalgamation of the two #yeah im sorry i kind of dropped into a tangent #anyway if i never acknowledge this again so be it #i was gonna tag this as psa but. i really think i shouldnt

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unknwnxquantity · 3 months

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I need to vent and this feels like my safe space at the moment. Fuck physically writing in a journal my thoughts are too fast for all that.

It’s funny as I type things escape my mind, but when I don’t try to put things into words, I think 30282736 miles per min with 10 different topics racing all at the same time. But I’m tired of negative ass ppl bro. Negative ass nasty attitudes about everything. It’s like i can’t win. I can’t!! It’s so draining. I miss lightheartedness. I miss silliness. Why can’t people find the good in a situation even if it’s shitty?

I ended things with my therapist last week. It feels like a breakup. I mean that’s a little dramatic lol. Love her, she gave me tough love when I needed it (she also shares my sisters bday and my brothers moon sign, that was a nice thing that showed me I was supposed to have her). Had her for a few years but all it was was talk therapy and I’m tired of talking. I started to feel ashamed of myself with all the things I talked about. Talk talk talk. I’m so tireddddd of talking of the same thingssss and bringing them more to life by overly thinking and ruminating, going in circles. I’m so tired of being that person. And i was also inconsistent with her these last couple months with our sessions. Not living in my truth. So I have another therapist that I’m gonna try with but he’s a man so idk. But it’ll be more adhd focused so I guess that’ll be more of what I need.

As the yts call it im “in between a rock and a hard place”. In several different ways. There are easy solutions to my problems. But I don’t take them. Call me a hypocrite, but doing the right thing is not easy. It’s fucking hard. I hate not being comfortable. I feel so isolated. I’m not alone but I feel alone. I feel like a bother and an annoyance to everyone except my kitten. That’s my girly fr. Girl cats are just itttt, I love the dynamics of both boy and girl cats individually. But girl cats are just that girl! I feel they’re more empathetic, caring of your needs/the bond and more loving overall. Boy cats I feel are more standoffish and on their own terms. Get you a girl cat or just a cat in general. Especially black cats they get a bad wrap like pitbulls but end up being the most gentle little things.

I feel I’m becoming like ppl I don’t want to be. Like an old middle aged person full of regrets and envious of those 18-22. I feel like times ticking. I’m 25 I have my whole life ahead of me and yet why do I feel my youth withering away?? I blame social media. That’s y I deactivated my IG fuck everybody I compare myself to. Fuck those ppl who live freely and go to parties while I feel I don’t have that. But also not fuck them and I’m happy for them.

Things are good tho in my life with the places I work. Ppl respect me and love me. It took some time but once I started being myself, with each job me getting more comfortable that much quicker and my anxiety not controlling how I am socially, ppl love me bro. I make ppl laugh!! They ask for my advice! They say they love my good energy! But these jobs aren’t my career path, so it’s gonna be hard saying goodbye which I will be very soon.

I miss my family but also I don’t. If my sister sees this which you won’t, I’m sorry you know what I mean. I live away from them. They give me headaches but they are my soul family (even tho my parents are def more behind spiritually than me and my siblings so the irony is funny). I miss our trips to Marshall’s and starbies. I miss our movie nights and I miss our long walks all together. I miss my mom blaring bad bunny and me pretending like I know the lyrics bc my mom never taught me Spanish 😭 (my moms an og fan dont play with her, from like 2017ish and saw this man several times before he got big). I don’t miss the chaos tho or the dysfunction, or passive aggressiveness with certain individuals that are in my family’s life.

And it’s funny bc today was such a good fucking day. So many synchronicities. I got to see fucking Steve wilkos bro lol and I was taped where you can see me!! Ima be on tv!! It reminds me of my last job where I’d be around famous ppl a lot and interact with them. That was nice. And yet everything’s hitting me like a truck. It feels like I’m not growing. I am but I’m not. I am and have come so far but it’s also like have I? But then it’s like yeah I have.

Anyways my phones dying. I’m listening to blind by sza. I feel that even tho I am not a straight woman dealing with men🤣 no jk bc the songs not really about that. But I do feel blind to all the things inside of me and what my soul tells me. I loveee when women sing/speak about how embarrassing it is to have feelings!! It is embarrassing!! Like yes and no. Also good days is really nice it feels like therapy in a song like blind. I need to listen to more sza. I like her project z tho, I haven’t listened to all of ctrl or sos so I gotta get on that? I need more women artists in my life who speak of mourning and the depths and complexities of their emotions.

Oh well. Should I post this? Why not

#unknwnxquantity

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lorisystem · 7 months

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Sorry about to be negative but need vent

So i had a rlly difficult day and tbh this probably doesnt help but these thoughts i have them all the time its a constant opinion and not just a negative spiral. Although right now feeling this a lot and affecting me more than usual

Anyway like i got back from paid leave last week and my job is like rlly demanding. Im gonna say for me because my threshold for difficult is really low. But yea its just the workload is fairly heavy, theres a lot of pressure, and theres a lot of drama etc. To be fair my neurotypical coworkers are also struggling etc.

But anyway one of the things about paid leave is that when you are able to be off for enough days in a row (like 3 weeks in my case) it really feels like. I was fine during paid leave enjoying my little life doing whatever i wanted being paid etc. You go back to work and its like. Why am i subjecting myself to this. Why. Whats the point. It doesnt even matter. Do i have to even? Why did we all decide to just be doing this. So whatever but thats one thing going on etc

Idkkkk if its like. Haha seasonal or what but im having slightly more suicidal ideation than usual. Like this is not worrying at all like im not in danger or anything. Disclaimer i wont do anything etc. And im saying this completely deadpan non emotionally- Buttt like to give an idea even at my happiest / euphoric i always think of dying as a good thing. I rlly have a hard time finding anything worth it. Literally best i can do is "yeah for this reason i can endure until i die of natural/accidental causes but rlly glad that it does end at some point". So thats my baseline i live like this and most of the time im fine cause like, my number one priority in life is to avoid whatever causes me suffering and stress and like the thing about suicide is that non violent methods are inaccessible to me which i think is unethical but thats my own issue lol. So basically as long as my life is less painful than suicide im at no risk of dying and i do my best to minimize suffering, doing fine on that, so everything is fine. Alright

But like anyway i was thinking that my number one problem in life currently and idk how to solve it its impossible right?

Is like. I want to live a life where i can be myself/not mask. That is to say be authentically who i am speak like i think act like i think dress how i want use the pronouns i use etc (im talking about displaying asd traits, dressing weird, being trans, ace, polyam queer etc) like just harmless things that are my core personality and defining traits right. AND be respected as a human being.

That is to say like id like to go outside and participate in society sometimes without having to pretend to be "normal" and also at the same time to not get weird looks, not get nasty looks, not get catcalled, not get harassed, not get commented upon, not get someone coming up to me to comment on my outfit or be mean to me, not get someone feeling entitled to treat me as subhuman, not stalked, not at fear of being assaulted, not get rumors spread about me, not followed around, not preyed upon etc etc just for existing <3 bc i dare to look abnormal and vulnerable ppl notice and think im not human.

Ive had all those happen to me and thankfully nothing too bad either like it happens to some ppl so i will display a certain amount of disgusting gratefulness bc of course i have some privilege so there is obviously way worse than me. Somehow still enough to make me traumatized and agoraphobic!

I just want to exist and that its ok and that ppl dont wonder if thats ok if they should take advantage of me or try to help and correct whatever is wrong with me.

And that is too much to ask! Its literally too much to ask.

We live in a world where we cant expect especially marginalized ppl, to be respected. To exist outside or in public etc and just not get someone to make us understand thats somth is wrong with us.

I have to pretend to be normal, all this effort so at the end of the day not only am i dead inside but also i still know ppl think theres still somth off about me.

So anyway this is my pipe dream and the reason ill never think anything is good or worth it. Is there in the world a happy place like this? I think about it all the time, where is the land i can be happy and ppl act normal to me.

Anyway a dream ive had is to save up and buy a house on a mortgage and like. I have a good salary at the moment for a single person, its pretty good. But my spouse is struggling to find a job and anything resembling takes a lot of energy from them so idk if its viable long term even and on my salary alone thats impossible. So idk. And like thats fine but its sad cause my spouse is rlly depressed about it etc.... capitalism does this to us.. yk how it is..

Im thinking maybe i should just attempt to start a thing to get disability aid or somth which is. The amount is basically only the minimum to live for one person if you leave in a shoebox and have no expense. So like the quality of life for myself and my spouse would seriously decrease in terms of living space and other nice things so like meh. But most importantly id have to get reevaluated every few years etc at risk of losing it if i stop qualifying it. Which can reasonably happen even if the doctor i have changes and they decide no longer disabled or someth even. That is if i even get it cause like i am actually capable at least for now to work full time in the way i do. Sucks the whole time, but capable. So idk what to do. Maybe i reduce my time of work. Idk. The fear of losing the disability is rlly too much for me too like. I have no financial support if that happens i cant count on my family at all for anything. Im too scared/traumatized by poverty to not have stability.

Honestly i think its just this forever then? Ig i should make another therapy appointment but last time my therapist said something that set me off and now i dont wanna go again its so dumb cause i rlly like her and been w her for like. Idk almost 2 years now. And she just said one thing which i think even she meant nothing by it and now im just like. I rlly hate that its happening i just feel the ick.

I was telling this to my spouse too like when you repress your emotions so much all the time you stop feeling sadness or anger etc you just feel the ick. Like profoundly uncomfortable with no words to put on it rlly

So thats going on for me ♡ sorry for being negative though just going through my mind but ill be ok etc

#lorisys #idk who iam rn chimera blend 24 7 honestlee #super long negative vent on readmore read only at your risks and perils be advised etc etc not tagging

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timeworncalamity · 1 year

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✨ OOOO for the oc asks, Isca (love aliens...) and Vin AND omg is three in one ask too much,,, maybe Strike too?

Sorry this is late im out of town but for you Anon! Ilu thank you sm for all 3 of my kids

1: sexuality headcanon

Isca - Isca is a very strange person in general but i am going to say he is Bi. He just leans towards anyone who catches his interest.

Vin - Vin is Ace. He has always been Aro Ace but at least now he has some really nice platonic relationships with multiple characters.

Strike - their sexuality is kind of up in the air tbh bc i am trying to figure mine out and they are my sona but im just gonna say they are gay. (Non-binary gay dude)

2: otp

Isca - am i allowed to say??? Im not sure but lets just say hee hee. Yes.

Vin - I dont have a ship for Vin. He doesnt really feel romantic feelings for anyone. Hes always been Aro.

Strike - Coldcurrent. Hands down. My otp for strike is their bf Aiden.

3: brotp

Isca - rn his part in my bf's stroy is under construction so idk atm.

Vin - Ford. His best friend is Ford and tbh they are the reason Vin even started being active in my head again. Vin loves Ford sm okay.

Strike - oh they love Sulfur. They have been friends for a while and hang out all the time.

4: notp

Isca - i cant really think of someone right now??? For any AU where he looks human dont ship him with Ford or Vin.

Vin- Castor. Just dont they are twins and thats really gross.

Strike - strike and Oz. Strike literally hates Oz and that would be so unhealthy for them.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

Isca - Isca is actually very strange in the way he speaks and acts. Hes generally rly positive but there is just something really eerie about him 99% of the time.

Vin - he can have tattoo sleeves that he can change the pattern of or even make disappear all together. The only tattoos that are always visible at all times are the diamonds around his biceps.

Strike - strike actually has some serious problems with insomnia. They are trying to work on it but they have alot on their mind at all times.

6: favorite line from this character

Gonna be honestttttt idk i dont write alot of dialogue stuff for ocs. Sorry.

7: one way in which I relate to this character

Isca - he has alot of tropes i really like and sense of humor that makes me laugh

Vin - he has alot of my emotions of feeling betray an wanting answers shoved into him

Strike - well Strike is my sona so they have a ton of my in them tbh. They help me vent and get my emotions out, often times helping me when im in a bad mental place. They are very special to me tbh.

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

Isca - not.... to be nsfw but honestly how horny he can be at times oops.

Vin - how nasty and violent he can be. I get self conscious about having violent edgy characters now but alas that is who Vin is.

Strike - how fucking sensitive and upset that can get bc of how in their head they tend to be. They over think things alot.

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

Isca - PROBLEMATIC CHAOS MACHINE

Vin - PROBLEMATIC PROBLEMATIC ANGRY MAN

Strike - ..... they just need a hug okay

#answered asks #oc asks #anon #THANK YOU THIS WAS FUN #OUGH I LOVE TALKING ABOUT THEM PLZ #GRABBYBHANDS #IM OUT OF TOWN SO REPLIES R SLOW BUT PL

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spookypanties · 6 years

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ALSO IF YOURE RUDE IN CHAT CHANCES ARE IM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING TO HELP YOU HEALER OR NOT

dont be nasty!!!! its not nice or endearing!!!!!!!!!

#Diary of a Terrible Person #overwatch #ESPECIALLY IN QUICK PLAY #IF YOU SAY CURSE WORDS AT YOUR TEAM IN AN INSULTING FASHION THEN GUESS WHAT!!!#YOUR TEAM DOESNT LIKE YOU AND WONT HELP YOU!!!!#'get on the fucking point' WELL WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU EXACTLY???#look i get it we all want to win #but like it's a GAME #and i have to tell myself that bc i have a temper too!!#but i would NEVER SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT MY TEAM OR ABOUT THE ENEMY TEAM #RUDE RUDE RUDE!!!!!!!!!#if someone on my team says something mean to someone on the enemy team #i make it a point to compliment that person somehow #BC BEING MEAN AND NASTY ISNT NICE!!! OR FUN!!! WE'RE ALL HERE FOR A GOOD TIME NOT FOR YOU TO....... IDK BE JUST A JERK!!!!#wheres the fun in being mean? does it make you feel better? is it something youd say to that actual persons face??#vent! do it! i dont care! but vent to yourself!!#dont insult people!!#i just left a match in the middle of it WHICH I HATE DOING bc the moira was being mean and i defended our lucio when he called them out #it wasnt comp im not a thrower it was quick play #but like... idk i dont get the point of saying mean things to people just bc youre frustrated #it doesnt get you anything

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energyanon · 3 years

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I feel like it's the cool thing to do, you know to make fun of him right now and I just don't feel like it. I feel sad for him because though I obviously don't know what's going on bts I can't help but feel he isn't doing too good. The way he was behaving at the restaurant with Leah was just too much and felt like him playing the role of happy go lucky guy...

Also, in one of your readings you mentioned that the people behind him were kinda cold, not all but some and that's just sad so I'll keep my thoughts positive and hope he finds true happiness soon, whatever that may look like.

Here’s the thing: Henry can do better.

Bar none, he can do better. He’s choosing not to do any form of healing or internal work. He’s choosing to make silly decisions. He is 38, at some point he needs to stop being babied and held accountable, and that is where this started. Fans expected better, he failed to meet that, and the reaction was jarring to people. When you used to love something and the rose coloured glasses are taken off, it’s jarring, you’re going to be emotional about it. You’re going to be nasty, that’s how it works. You feel angry and embarassed at yourself for giving so much time to something that turned out to be false, and you need them to feel what you felt. Classic projection. I’m actually angry at ME for feeling, so im going to be angry at YOU for making me feel that way. I don’t think anyone think that it’s become “cool” per say to make fun of him, I believe that we’re community based creatures, and we’ll always go where the group goes. It’s not “cool” it’s just where everyone is at the moment. And to not follow the group is to be shunned. A couple of weeks ago I was on the tag, and there were anons hassling long time henry fans saying “are you leaving the fandom i cant believe you still like him blah blah”, and those people had to say either they’re taking a break cause they can’t handle it, or they agree and they’re leaving. And all of this is over NV of all people. But that's the thing is we see all these things that people aren't doing, comparing them to ourselves saying "I would never" but you also were raised in an entirely different environment and family. HC seems to believe that being silent is the best way to go, probably because he was raised that way. He made one call out post and got the reaction he got: guess what he’s now learnt to never do that again. What’s he going to reform back to now? Being silent. I don’t feel that the people around HC are a good influence. I do feel that that isn’t helping his mindset, and he is being dragged down by said people, but he’s also not taking responsibility to change that. A member of his FAMILY is apart of his work and personal life, and he apparently made a production company with charlie. That’s all kinds of triangulation that I dont even want to get started on, and there’s two reasons to get involved with family and thats either 1. You want to help THEM, or 2. they’re in your ear convincing you. It is never a good idea to mix family with work, ever. He doesn’t make good decisions, but I do feel that that’s also because he trusts the people in his ear too much, and they have become like a family to him. That’s hard to let go of. Its really difficult. I don’t know anyone who has an easy time breaking it off with a long time friend or family member, I know i’ve found it near impossible. But I think he’s very heavily influenced by these close connections because he doesn’t want to lose them. I understand that getting involved in the drama is fun, and I’ve been there for sure up until even two ays ago i was still there, but now that I understand that what he’s going through is also tough, i’ve also realised that I need to have more empathy for the guy outside of readings too. It’s not nice to be in the place that he is. Ive been there I get what kind of person it turns you into. And it’s a huge turning point in your life aswell, you either let it consume you or you do your best to break free. He’s at a crossroads, i’ve said it before. Lets hope he goes down the path that’s best for him. All in all, I think people have a right to be upset, they’ve invested alot of time into the guy and got nothing back. I also think with that post yesterday that he’s actually trying his best. I don’t think its easy for him to self reflect, he’s not going to apologise for NV, she is his companion for now, he’s got some serious issues surrounding being loved/lonely, he’s not going to do anything to make her leave until he’s ok with finding someone else, which i feel like he’s kind of given up on at the moment? But he’s also still trying to juggle all these things in his life and his own mental health and the constant judgement doesn’t make that better. When people are loved and supported they’re the best version of themselves, right now he’s not being loved or supported. In fact he’s being hated by thousands of people, that’s going to take a toll on you. But to me, idk what it is, but it feels like he’s trying to mend things to be the best of his ability. (And his ability is still pretty poor in execution, and to be fair him talking about fucking protien shakes is more boring than paint drying and he should absolutely be dragged for that 😆 ) But it feels like a positive move. The level that the dragging is being taken is starting to turn into something else, but this is also how people express themselves. You can be apart of it or not, the pages that allow it are a good venting system, and fans deserve to have that, but there aren’t many places for it to also just be understanding, so that’s what this page will be instead. (But once again, understanding isn’t creating excuses, and I won’t create excuses for him. He is still held accountable, but without the drag) Even with this all being said, he still needs to do better. I stand by that, and I think that’s what most of the fans are trying to say (they’re just a little big angrier than i am about it, and that’s ok) Anyway I’m doing part 2 today so we’ll see how it goes with Fans/the post etc

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sailorhyunjinz · 3 years

Note

hi cherry a little vent if that's OK w u

so on this app I had 2 people who I had notifs on for, you and my fav sfw writer right? over time though I realized I didn't actually like that person as an author I just got really attached because they were the first blog I was anon on and they responded well. but like 👁👄👁 recently they've been downplaying skz alot tbh and I don't mean in a critique way, in a way where they were saying certain things were just plain bad with little to no valid explanation and just being overall nasty? I think that might be what made me realize that I didn't actually like them a ton tbh, I unfollowed them today cause I got a notif from them and it was a post saying the song that is currently my favorite was bad and didn't deserve a mv :// obv that post wasn't directed at anyone I just think I got tired of only seeing negative things about the boys when I open their blog. I also would find myself going directly to ur blog after reading shitty stuff on their blog because this place is just a place full of general excitement and support, I really enjoy it. but anyways uh, I wanna thank u for being such a cool author and for supporting the boys the way u do :) the author I'm referring to was never directly slamming on the boys themselves, but they just never seemed to have anything good to say yk? I really enjoy being here way more

also congrats on now being the only blog I have notifs on for luv <3

ok end rant//

anyways

my sleep schedule is still utterly fucked in every way, I got distracted trying (and succeeding!!) at making a Kandi cuff but by the time I was done it was 4:30 am so now im just chilling watching anime for now till I feel like getting up for school. since it's so early maybe ill stop at mickydees otw 😌😌

also, I've been streaming literally all day and the new album is SO GOOD BRO SJDJJXDHE

I was expecting something really sad from silent cry and star lost but BRO?? 10/10 think star lost will be the Blueprint of this era

and CHRISTOPHER? mans said nah fuck the shirt yall get bandages take it or leave it

AND I MEAN OBVIOUSLY TAKE IT

also I don't think words can express how down fucking bad I am for seo changbin like 😫😫 please Mr seo just one chance

and like skz making us think the beginning of the unveil for domino was the beginning of the song feels like they're laughing at us rn like zjjxjd ALSO DOMINO IS SO GOTDAMN FUCKING GOOD HOLY FUCKING DUCK the like high pitched thingy he does for like two syllables (idk how to describe it I'm sorry??) is SO HOT I CANNOT

awwwh >:((( DAMN I FEEL SO HONORED BRO THANK YOUUUU <33 ah but i kinda feel bad for your phone HASHSAH WHEN I START SPAMMING SHIT- nah but seriously thank you <33

i mean i can understand that its not everyones favorite album, i really liked it but we cant all have the same opinion can we but theres a difference between constructive criticism and just being mean SO im happy that you noticed the difference and just kinda,,, dont try to associate with people that dont have anything positive to say.

my god your poor sleep schedule,,, DONT U HAVE SCHOOL?? HOW THE FUCK DO U EVEN SCHOOL BRO

also yes can we just say that both silent cry and star lost are amazing songs?? i really like songs with those kinda,,, vibes so i was pleasantly surprised and i just think that everyones vocals fit those songs as well <333 but if we talking favorite song here mine is probably cheese?? idk something about that songs is very unique,,, its fresh, it doesnt sound like anything ive heard before and the concept is very cool and fitting for skz so i just love it, love love love!!! <33

#fluffybitch0325 #Cherrymail🍒

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coridallasmultipass · 4 years

Text

I kind of need to vent about something really personal here that’s been bothering me all day. Sorry to throw some really personal shit out, but my next therapy appointment is in a week, so! Earlier today my mom and I were driving through our little tourist town and we saw these little buggies and she told me they replaced the family bike carts (like a bicycle made for 4 people to ride around the tourist area of this part of town) with these electric buggies (buggys? Idk). And she mentioned how my dad (who passed away a few years ago, and was separated from my mom since i was a kid) used to work for them and got fired and arrested because of letting his friends use the carts for free. She said he called her to say he was fired, and immediately after the cops showed up. And my mom had to drive to an unfamiliar town to bail him out with Exact Change and it was a huge deal for her.

And i put on the brakes on the conversation real fast, like what??? The shop owners arrested A LITERAL KID for doing what kids do???? And my mom tries to backpedal mentioning loss of profits is basically theft and what-not. But im here thinking about how this town is a predominantly white vs native+mexican town, in the early 90s, with these old conservative white shop owners who are ALWAYS mean (i speak from experience and first hand accounts of friends that were unfortunate enough to have worked in these tourist boutiques), and theyre out here ARRESTING a native teenager for doing what literally any kid in that situation would do. Are you trying to tell me there werent any blatantly racist motives behind this arrest???? And i bring this up to her and shes just trying to change the subject but its REALLY bothering me. Like i knew the shop owners that are in town (though ive never been on the carts) are all mean and nasty through every situation, but hearing about this really makes me sick! Because if someones giving out freebies, you just fire them! Thats literally all you have to do!! Its not like these tourists/or his friends are running away with these HUGE bike carts!!!! My mom goes “they probably just wanted to teach him a lesson” EXCUSE ME?

My dad had a rough time his whole life with law enforcement, and at home, so im just sitting there imagining what if? What if he never got Arrested that day? What if he never had those charges against him follow him through the rest of his life? (Theres a three strikes rule!) If he had gotten a second chance (of sorts) if he were only fired rather than arrested. Would he have gone on to have better interactions in regards to the law? Would he have had less problems down the line if employers had shown him some human decency AS A LITERAL MINOR?

What do you fucking expect a teenager to do when you let them run a tourist shop!!!! Theyre fucking kids, it’s what they do!! All i can think of is that there had to have been some ulterior motives behind it, because i know literally all the shop owners are old conservative and teen-hating white people, and my dad, being an obviously native person must have struck the racist chord in that owners heart as soon as he made a mistake. And thats what it is! A mistake! Like, i cant speak for him, but i can speak as a former teenager. We all made mistakes, and if you didnt, then you need to go to therapy.

Theres a lot that upsets me still especially since hes not here anymore, and i have a hard time talking about native stuff with my mom who is white lmao. But growing up and seeing the people in this area for who they are inside is really upsetting, because as a kid, you dont see all the nuance and pattern behind stories like this. Even as a teenager, you dont realize a lot of this stuff until youre older, especially when your primary parents are white and conservative. So its just kind of painful as im older and remembering things like this happening and what they would have meant when i take in the full perspective. Even after i became a legal adult, i still had (and have) a lot to learn about the way the world works, and how much of a contrast there is with my opinions when I was say 16 versus now - seeming wildly different now that i have a bit more world-experience from moving out of this town for college before ultimately coming back now. (For reference im 26 now.) I know i wrote something on here about my experience being half white before, looking back at what i realized about myself and my family, so i just wanted to throw this on here as well, while its still bothering me, rather that forget about it by the time therapy day comes around. Bottom line? Teenagers are still kids. Give them room to grow.

#personal #cori.exe #post.exe #native

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feisty-fae · 4 years

Note

If you still do the flower ask thingys.. 👉👈 𝘼𝙡𝙡 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢 𝙜𝙤 :)

HoooH boY hEre we gO-

Alisons: Sexuality?

I sexually identify as a can of beans

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

Cis female she/her

Amaryllis: Birthday?

27 September

Anemone: Favorite flower?

All flowers pretty,, but stargazer lily, rose, dahlia and cherry blossoms

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

I don't watch tv but I'll list some other stuff i like to watch:mha, beastars and aggretsuko

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

Idk depends on scenario??

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

"Kanye West he likes, fingers in his ass."

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

Any Milkshakes or smoothies (mostly banana and strawberry for milkshake and p much anything for smoothie)

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

I've never had kith

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

Well you see yes but actually no

Baneberries: Favorite song?

I listen to a lot but to keep it short:baby in the kitchen, in my mouth and friends slowed (chase atlantic)

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

We p chill fam

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

Irl bestie,, shes not on tumblr lol

Begonia: Favorite color?

PinKKK

But i like most colours

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

Cats,,,,

FoxES,

ANYTHING CUDDLY AND CUTE

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

Night

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

I'd be like a doggo bc it would be the most fun i think-

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be a vet but then when my granny asked me "but whos gonna clean up the animal poop?" I was like "eWW pO0pP!" and then decided that mayb i shouldn't be a vet

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

They're either really kind and sweet

Or literal demons from hell

Legit no inbetween

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

I'm afraid of lot of things-

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

I was one dumbass bitcg-

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?

Idk eat pizza and cry or smth ajakamkw

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

Single

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

NEW YORKKK, CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFF THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN'T DO NOW YOU'RE IN NEW YOOORKKK

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

When someone hugs me or just generally spends time with me

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?

Nop

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?

I used to have piercings when i was a bab but eHh haven't worn them since and i dont think my ear holes are big enough now-

California Poppy: Height?

4'10 grrr I'm the omega midget and I'll devour ur ankles

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

Nop

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?

Pant, pink top and black hoodie

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

I think i have??

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?

My mom and my dad

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

I never kith

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

I dont have one so imma say sans bc it always looks out of place and makes me laugh-

Columbine: Are you tired?

I feel like screaming and jumping around my room like a crackhead

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

Nothing in particular ig

Coneflower: Dream job?

Smth kinda fun and art or design related hopefully,,,,

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

Introvert but i also get lonley easily

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

Nop,,,,

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

I would get run over by 5 monster trucks, jump off a plane, get mauled by 10 bears, get trampled on by a stampede, get brutally tortured for 12 hours straight, yeet myself into the Grand Canyon and then break all my bones with my bare hands if they weren't broken already

Ok basically i care a lot

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

I had this st bernard plush called Sparky and this lion named Sammy,,

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

Libra

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

My memory is legit so bad it's probably concerning uHHH

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

Mayb art??

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?

Ehhh i might reason with them and then if they still disagreed I'd just keep the relationship a secret

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

My parents

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

Ehhh arT

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

EhhHh everything that isn't art-

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

Oh boy here comes my shitty memory-

Hmmm

Idk but I'm mostly happy that I've been more social and stuff and i feel like im kinda coming out of my shell a bit

Not sure what to say for other 2 bc nothing in particular has really happend?

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

Ehhh oK??

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

Mayhapsn't

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

I hope to pass all my exams and get an okish job mayb

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

1.fRIENBS ILY MY HABIBIS

2. Fammm

3. eHhh yummy food,,

4. Drawing and uhhh art

5. EPIC MUTUALS

6. Ok idk what else aside from like serious stuff like house and etc.-

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?

Drawing, crying, venting to a friend/parent

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

Hugssss,kith,cuddle, *draws u stuff*

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

MmmmmMy aRRt?

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

Wake up

Don't go to school

Vibe with friends

Sleeb

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?

MmMmMM aRT-

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

Ehh 8yrs? We met in hell school

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

Friendos

Mom

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

6..?? Aa idk theres some people that idk if they'd consider me a friend or not,,

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

Idk any compliment is best compliment for me,,

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

Ew yucky gröss

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

m y a r t

Also my hair bc its soft and wavy,,

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?

Everything else-

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

Climb trees and do dumb shit

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

Same irl bestie i mentioned before

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

MmmmmmMMM,,,

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?

MMMmMMmMMMMmmmMMm,,,,,,

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

Well I chose Fae bc i thought it sounded pretty

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

Idk what to rlly say lmao

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

Kinda the same but i had toys everywhere-

Also when i was like 5 i had this legit fucking cursed thomas the tank engine shaped bed that i actually found a pic of but it's FUCKING HORRIFYING SO I PROBS WONT SHOW HERE-

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?

EW BEING A TEENAGER SUCKS ASS HOW DO I UNDO????

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

Hi mom ily ur epic

Onions: Tell about your dad.

Hi dad ily ur epic

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

Omg i miss my grannies sm bc i couldn't see em this year bc nasty pandemic

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

Haha shit memory gor brrRR-

I don't really remember too many specific parties but when i was like 7-10 i had these epic parties in those birthday places with the giant play areas

I kinda wish i wasn't too old to go to them sobs

Peony: What was your first job?

I haven't had a job yet

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

Hmmmm idk? I haven't really thought abt that but i don't really mind i just wanna find someone to vibe with,,

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

I cri

Pink: Where is home?

Home is home home

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?

Now where do i start...

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

I look up to people that are kind, caring, brave, funny, cool or stronger than me ig?

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

Basically my current life minus school, stress,pandemic and responsibilities lmao

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

I used to believe in ghosts after i thought i encountered one

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

Hermmmst

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

Peoples laughsss also music

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

Bro i dont have one,, my aphantasia makes it hard for me to remember stuff-

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?

I wantttt better chargersss thattt donttt telll meee thatt myyy tablett will finishh chargingg innn 1 dayy andd 7 hoursss

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

Kinda difficult but im opening up more

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

fRIENDS,,,,,wAh

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

8 hrs

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

Idk ig i kinda have to go to school and do stuff

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

Non existant

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

My black and white stripy top, and all my hoodiess

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.

I don't think i have just one aesthetic bc im drawn to so many different aesthetics at the same time-

Like vintage, neon, dark, spoopy, pastel, cute, etc etc

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

OMG I LEGIT JUST SCREAM AT ANYTHING ANYONE GIVES ME-

IF SOMEONE GOES OUT OF THEIR WAY TO MAKE ME SMTH I CRY,,

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

🤏

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

I haven't been reading anythinggg

But i should really finish reading Percy Jackson bc it do be picking up dust-

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

Everywhere

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

Mmm yummy 👅

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

I am currently living and breathing yes

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cs-discourse · 5 years

Text

since ghost wants a defending post i will also make one

hi! as yall seem to commonly know me since it was my user before i changed it, im star child. im that overgrown cow that's smearing names and causing drama whats up

i would be a mature adult and DM you ghost but honestly i know you'd probably just spend ages trying to defend yourself fruitlessly and also i have you blocked so whatever

here's the screenshots i have available (sent to me by very kind users in the chat who felt i should know what was being said after i left) and my comments to go along with it

some background: this discussion was happening in a channel called 'real-images'. a place where you would not expect a conversation about docking to be taking place.

i clicked into this channel to see what was happening and as you know, with discord, it automatically puts you on the oldest unread message when you click into that chat. i was greeted by conversations about cropping and docking - choke chains may have been mentioned, im unsure, because as soon as i saw the conversation i began to feel sick and so clicked out without skimming through the convo.

i went into 'questions' and asked if they had a way of requesting certain topics to be tagged and that's pretty much where this begins.

first i'd like to say 'don't enter the channel' hey ghost, how was i supposed to know that clicking into a channel to share pictures would lead to me walking into a conversation about my trigger? are you really going to blame me for that, huh?

second, this was me literally asking slash 'speaking up' about the topic. why was there any need to get this passive aggressive over it? i put in a request. you could have said yes. you could have said no. you could have said 'sorry we can't blacklist it but we'll try to ask people to spoil it or put a warning'. instead you told me to 'go off' and put :) which yeah we all know what that emoji means you weren't being friendly or subtle

we all know neons a big advocate for choke chains and shock collars as well as whole host of other mistreating animals. i'll make a second submission on that if people care but neons animal care? whack. bro i hope you grow up and learn to look after your pets.

anyway, mods please tell me why neon was allowed to get involved and say 'they just let their opinions get the better of them and speak out of turn' to be greeted with agreements and being told it was fine when it really wasn't fine.

Spooky Rabbit, i dont know who you are but you're cool. you made me a little less upset but it was a little too late bud

it's really nice how this convenient controversial chat only popped up after i started talking about the way i was treated in another chat huh. a whole half hour later when i'd already posted screenshots and vented and let people know what happened. love the damage control here

anyway

'speak up' once again yeah i did that and look where it got us all, Joke

something said to me outside of cottontails but this is in retaliation to the 'why didnt you speak up earlier' other than the simple fact i wasnt there lol. neon always likes to talk about these nasty little dog topics. if i'd butted into a convo i hadnt been a part of previously and said 'can we not discuss this?' i'd love to bet a whole 25$ that ghost would've told me to just mute the channel, or neon would've ignored me or told me to "just not argue uwu". either way y'all were going to get angry at me for my trigger.

'don't want to butt in with my opinion but-' neon all you ever literally do is butt into conversations its practically your only personality trait other than mistreating ur animals lol. 'made things difficult' 'i'm vocal about my opinions' and then telling me to shut up about mine? okay if you say so.

Adam, 'we can't blacklist every topic users find uncomfortable' I'd like to point out again that a literal trigger is something very different to being uncomfortable! and on top of that it wasn't like i was asking you to trigger tag mentions of a popular character, or a food, or a language, or a colour. i was asking you to trigger tag a very controversial conversation centered around cropping, docking, and choke chains. an extremely heavy topic. not a minor inconvenience.

cool cool yall were making fun of ppl with triggers. nice

from a PM from cinna after i PM'd her about transfering my rabbit out of species - no cinna, they weren't blunt, they were just mean. simple as.

ik ppl dont wanna read text walls so this is mostly at ghost who claims im a harrasser and an abuser because i dont like neon using choke chains and shock collars

oh!! also conviently gonna add that "come for our side of the story" - you know one of your staff did that right? they went to a species owner of a species im involved in and tried to get me banned for causing drama? but didnt give any information or screenshots, and i had to provide them all to the owner to make sure the whole story was out? convenient how you just forget screenshots when they make you look bad.

this is long so

tl;dr ghost was p nasty abt the convo. they made fun of people being sensitive. they told me my trigger was a minor inconvenience and not important enough to tag. they only added a controversial topic after i kicked off because they didnt want their asses in trouble. neon got involved and isnt even staff so idk why they did.

anyway that's the news from your local drama queen, im gonna go chew on some grass now moo moo bitch

#cs discourse #submission

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viittra · 5 years

Note

I've seen more former members crawl from the depths since the drama. Like how the server is running doesn't affect you so you, you are just there to hang out.

They used the excuse that there were like 50 members in the discord and the group is so huge and blah blah blah. Meanwhile the most votes they can get on an app is roughly 15.

15 active members and 7 admins, and they still can't take me off the masterlist days later.

[[MORE]]

Someone said i had "unrealistic expectations" for admins since I reblogged it when sam said admining wasnt a hobby, it's a responsibility. You are in charge of this thing with all these other people and you need to do certain things to keep it running.

Idk how many of yall know this but I applied for admin last time they did mod recruitmentd even though i was still very new to the group. I wanted to help. They didn't take me and i wasnt upset, but if you're going to tell me there was a better choice, then the admin team damn well better do at LEAST half of what I do when I mod.

Even eithout admin position i did more for the group than they did in the entire time i was there. All of the recent changes were direct results of me pushing- i have a LIST of things I told sombra to put on the to do list after the mccree incident.

Making that list and giving it to sombra is what i jokingly called mini-modding in that screenshot. I'd argue that the only thing the admins did on their own since i got there were tumblr things and the prompts the hub blog does.

It shakes me to my core to see people dragging me for having a vent server/group chat while the former members are so tightly knit that they come after me like animals because somebody shared a screenshot. I admit a lot of the things i said did get out of hand and most of the jokes were in poor taste, but i put it there in my safe vent channel with who i thought were my friends so that i could turn around and help the admins and the group without getting frustrated. Ive asked so many people what to do instead and nobodys given me an answer except have less people and hope it doesnt get as toxic. Things i said went too far but criticizing admins is not a crime.

You sign up for criticisms when youre an admin. Hana is literally still talking about me because i banned her from my rp server in (roughly) febuary. You get criticizm as admin, and im sorry i have to be the one to tell you that. Your members are literally AFRAID to say things to you. Say the word and I'll dm screenshots of everyone in there saying they were too scared to speak up in the feedback channel, because if they do every mod comes on and tells them theyre wrong. If that's not enough, you get people like juls coming after me for being this horrible nasty person and saying how DARE i criticize the admins- dont you think that discourages others from that? You all put so much pressure on poor kaede that she was FORCED to scapegoat me too.

I dont give a shit how old your group is. Its run by humans. About half your active people are AFRAID of you and even more are coming to me and sending anons or dms. Your poor handling of the situation forced the server to take sides. Any group that has this kind of problem regularly enough for an anon to immediately ask if the mods got power hungry again, has a problem with the mods.

#[ σ ― ooc; ]#tea #[ σ ― peer reviewed; ask ]

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fireeaglespirit · 5 years

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@fireeaglespirit @viviane-lefay i do worry sometimes with the stories I write if things might be too much for you. To be fair I dont think in any fanfic Ive ever written anything too explicit but now Im so conscious of other people’s viewpoints and being inclusive that it is a concern. Ultimately I write what I want to/need to but I am aware it might not be for all tastes hence always trying to follow ratings etc.

Replying here so it doesn’t cause any problems with OP, etc..

Ohh. I’m sorry if this worried you.. tbh this was very random and I wasn’t even thinking about fiction when I rb this. This one reminded me of a few times I went out with friends and colleagues and I just felt starkly asexual, lmao

About my tolerance regarding sex and explicitly in fiction, I’ll be honest with you…

There’s hardly anything I could say I wouldn’t read about. I just don’t feel ‘triggers’ or anything of the sort, no hard feelings when it gets to fiction and I value your will to be conscious of other viewpoints but its practically impossible to cater to all tastes like you said, so don’t worry about it much… there’s always someone out there who will feel offended and others who will fiercely love it.

As for myself, I’m very tolerant to sexual content in fiction, idk? I don’t seek it out particularly but its not a deal breaker either.

I know some asexual people are less tolerant, I usually just get a ‘meh’ feeling whenever those subjects are touched in much detail, idk some works do get nasty and bothersome because of much detail involving sexual practices so I just give up on them or put them aside when they bring me no joy but I gladly consume material with sex on it as long as I like some aspects of it. Also, I’m good at ignoring or glossing over things I don’t like in fiction… when I read explicit scenes with intercourse it does nothing to me and my eyes focuses on the sentences I loved such as regarding the feelings between the characters and subtle interactions instead of the physical/carnal aspects of it, and this makes it all worthy it.

Even so, some works might become overwhelmingly depressive or repulsive so I might put them aside even if I enjoyed an aspect of it or I might just skip through them and this happened recently to a series of fantasy books I tried to read which were actually really good but they were so overwhelmingly and unnecessarily dark and had an horrid oppressive atmosphere towards women an sex so I just felt no joy reading them? Its not like I was traumatized by its tone but it felt like a chore and I couldn’t care about it further and no character inspired me whatsoever that the world could change for the better, so I dropped them.

But its not like I’m judging it, I just feel weirded out to some things and I just imagine the kind of mind that takes upon themselves the chore to write a whole series of book which has nothing but suffering and misery in them, especially concerning women, lol. We already had this shit in history and still have in some places in the world so I kinda feel like its not interesting for me to read about it in a fictional setting, especially if I don’t feel like the writer is going to challenge the setting.

But I’m aware most people are much more sensitive… these things can be horrid for those who are more sensitive, and perhaps my own asexuality protects me from feeling it fully as I don’t even think of myself as a being capable of partaking in this (weird, I know), so I have problem even projecting.

But I did felt really strongly for the way women were oppressed absurdly and had their agency completely obliterated, so that sparked a sort of empathy or kinship in me which made progress in such book a chore…

You got my point and this just illustrates a bit my relationship to fiction and things that irk me since you were interested in my opinion… I have another example of fantasy book with lots of sex in it:

I read asoiaf even thought its full of sexual stuff but I don’t feel joy at these parts, yet the work is so good on other themes that I ignore it for the most part… but even so, recently I’ve read F&B and it was kinda overwhelming on the sexist aspect with myriads of female characters turned into child brides and raped and dying at their childbirth repeatedly it just got very tiresome and repetitive near the end, because there where almost no counterpoints to it, unlike in the main series where the situation is dire for women but we have characters challenging it more often and idk. F&B just lacked on that front.

So, this shows a bit my sensitivity towards sex is more related to sexism and the feeling that women are confined to their reproductive aspects: motherhood, childbearing, marriage, sensuality, etc.. I don’t have a problem with sexual intercourse per se as you can see, but that’s from my unique point of view and I know some asexuals are more repulsed towards it, but you asked my opinion…

So, if its consensual sex: its not my cup of tea but I don’t feel like its a deal breaker…

Just to give you a positive sex example: when I see an OTP of mine getting to the point of having sex I think its pretty sweet, like when Jon and Dany consummated their love on that boat… I was happy for them, for all that it means, the symbolism between the union of ice and fire and just two characters which I love dearly, finding happiness and comfort in each other. What’s not to love about it??

This is a rare stance I can say I saw a pair I ship get to that point xD

I love shipping as you know, but its more about the psychological aspects and potential for character development and even when I’m reading fanfic about my OTPs I enjoy more the angst and symbolism than the ‘hot’ parts which usually just makes me go ‘meh’ (again).

So this makes me say: when sex is the focus of works I could feel like I’m too asexual for this, even if it regards an OTP, it just doesn’t have a very exciting effect on me or I’m not explicitly interested in this part of a relationship, when so many other things caught my eye… sometimes subtle interactions and dialogue and and gentle approximation (touches, caresses, kissing, etc..) is so much more exciting for me to read about than the ‘thing’ itself, lol.

To sum it up: when its there just for p*rn or even worse, shock value it just makes me go ‘meh’ or ‘ugh’ or ‘uhh why am I even reading this?’

This reminds me of Vivi’s take on the ‘hiero gamos’, in this case I just say I might even enjoy the theme as long as the scenes involving sex are meaningful and passionate and the aspect I value the most about them are sublime and platonic instead of carnal but I’m aware the carnal aspects are very important for the characters and the audience so I also worry when I get to show my stories people will think they lack sexual content ^^ I get you.

Now that you know my feelings towards sex in fiction, to a broader sense I just wanted to say..

There’s no way to guess people’s sensitives but it doesn’t mean you need to walk on eggshells afraid to trigger people all the time, hell no! I’m all for freedom of creation. At least around me there are no metaphorical ‘eggshells’.

Everyone has their own set of opinions which makes them unique, not just me, I mean… even so I will let my snowflake syndrome show but I’m quite peculiar if you could say, so I sort of grew a strong ‘carapace’ towards the world as I deal with people with completely different views and values on a daily basis which might make me have inflamed political opinions while at the same time, I’m very flexible and forgiving when it comes to fiction in general.

I don’t expect much of the population to be like this so I’m also self conscious when it gets to writing my own stuff because I know people can feel very strongly about it and you’ve seen the way fandom reacts to minor things and bash creators when they perceive flaws in their work… I’m just not a judgmental person, its not in my nature. I just ignore things in fiction if I don’t like and I became even more relaxed over time in regards to this all, lol I nearly reached a ‘nirvana’ as I don’t even feel strongly negative feelings in regard to this.

Snarky and bitter comments from time to time? Yes… but no hard feelings. RL needs my hatred, lol so I don’t have it to spare with fiction any longer.

Anyway, on an unrelated sub note… as you might have noticed, I don’t feel comfortable about current fandom trends and specially policing, and with reason as this gets very serious and quick with literally ‘wave chain reactions’ of hatred sparked apparently from nowhere. I hope people could create more freely instead of the political correct police and restraining of creativity we have now. It was good for a while and I’m all for diversity and change in status quo (for the better), but I think this has gone too far and I perceive a lot of rigidity in fiction right now due to fear of fandom backlash we have creators afraid to make their thing and afraid it isn’t ‘inclusive or progressive’ enough… so they bend themselves endlessly until fandom ‘approves’ them, but even so someone is bound to scream and say the work is offensive and the cycle of hatred is restarted.

I know this reply was like a huge egocentric monologue and I strained with non related issues at the end, but you asked my thought on this so I tried to convey it with detail.. including things related to the perception we have concerning fictional themes and I just kinda had to vent at some parts of it.

etc…. This doesn’t mean I forbid judgment from others or criticism or that I forbid people from harshly criticizing works of fiction, just that sometimes it gets more harmful than beneficial and scare people off, and I felt like saying that.

Anyway,,, just want to say nonetheless I find it very sweet and considerate that you are taking different opinions in mind while writing, but you don’t need to worry at least from my part, and I don’t think you ever got even close to being explicit in your writings so there’s absolutely nothing to worry about.

#beyond-far-horizons

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dinopant · 6 years

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hhh

i hate venting, im 19 years old yet here i am a grownish man doing this hsit because im trying to cope with knowing ill probably be alone for a long time and maybe forever because i cant fall in love with the correct people and anyone who has ever loved me back was bad for me or that i might think i love so much with my whole heart but i dont actually know what i want or what im getting into???? maybe???

and when i genuinely falling love with someone im so scared that because i love them so much that im going to want to have a full and fulfilling relationship with that person but ill only fear that ill never be able to do any thing in a relationship with another person without feeeling or even just straight up being stunted on things.

and hhh maybe this is tmi but yknow whatever, but like sex is a big thing!!

i dont know what i was with sex ever! for the longest time i thought i was asexual and the only sexual relationship i ever had was when i was 16 and idk?? not even dating just sexting all the time all the time with this 18 year old?? maybe?? it was so dumb and so bad for me and i remember after they just stopped talking to me out of no were it made me feel bad???

lIKE i had spent so long thinking i was ace, then going into that shit with that person didnt help because i still didnt know what i wanted, jsut that idk sex with someone i thought i trusted sounded good! thats all i know!!

then i spent a long time afterward feeling ashamed for liking literally anything with sex ever. like i never explored it in a healthy way on my own so that played into it with having friends who knew the shit they liked or whatever. plus i did and probably still have poor body imagine so when i hung out with friends who were talking about that stuff i remember like!!!

constatnyl thinking

‘dont comment into this conversation, what if the shit you like is weird and you dont know it??? and even if its just normal regular shit no one wants to hear YOU talking about being horny or into sex of any form because your gross!! your nasty and no one wants to think about you having any kind of desires like that or something’

and now im older and i know im much more interested in sex and i know more things that i like?? bUT I STILL DONT THINK I REALLY KNOW.

i know that if i ever fell in love with someone who loved me back i would want to poor myself and ever bit of me that loves them into our relationship learning what they like and dont like in a regular couple setting or intimation stuff liek sex or just deeply romantic shit.

but i also feel bad for having to make someone i care about have to waste time potentially babying me like that because im a grown person who doesnt know shit about how they feel or what they want or anything!!

i also know people probably think i know more shit than i actually do!! BUT I KNOW FUCKING NOTHING. so often im jsut nodding along and people think that means i probably get it, but i dont!!!

and i dont wanna be the shitty boyfriend of someone who need someone who is smart and understands and can say all the right things when im me and i dont even know what to say to myself or understand how im feeling ever

im going to die alone because im scared of being a disappointment to someone i love

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