An excerpt from my spoken word poetry book about being an Asian native and being a queer and trans Indigenous person of color 

Chapter 4: Verse 1: 

Deafening Quiet and Thunderous Silence:

Ever since I could remember

Ever since I was a child 

Every night in my dreams

I have always heard an earth voice

I have always heard an ocean song 

A voice of fire and a song of flame that sounds serene, tranquil, calm, & melodic

An ocean song voice that was matriarchal, loving, & kind

An earth voice that was paternal, protective, & caring

A song that somehow sounds like the very ocean itself

A voice that somehow sounds like the very earth itself

An ocean song that sounds so recognizable to me

As a Southeast Asian Vietnamese and East Asian Chinese person of color 

An earth voice that sounds so familiar to me

As a Kinh Indigenous and Polynesian Tahitian Indigenous Pasifika 

She is calling to me and saying that I am her long lost maohi/raerae child

One that was stolen from her a very long time ago

Taken from the earth, the ocean, & the sky

As a displaced stateside disconnected diaspora 

I know her voice but I do not know her face

I know her song but I do not know her touch

I know her voice but I do not know her embrace

I know her song but I do not know her bond

The land and the sea ever since he/she/they were a child

She has called them every night in their dreams

Her long lost maohi or raerae  child long ago that was stolen from her

A child with a body made of earth, made of ocean, & made of sky

She calls to them with her earth voice

She calls to them with her ocean song

The land and the sea however she weeps and she grieves                            

She grieves because her long lost child does not know her tongue

The land and the sea though every single night she weeps and every single day she mourns

She mourns because her child born of fire, flame, & water does not understand her voice

She mourns because her child born with a body made of earth, ocean, & sky does not comprehend her songs

Still she calls to me her son, her daughter, & her nonbinary child who is mahu/maohi

I am a child sitting on a beach playing in the sand

Because it always feels like home to me 

As someone stolen from the earth, the sky, & the ocean

A very long time ago

As displaced stateside disconnected diaspora

The land and the seas has always called to me

Ever since I was a child

She has always spoken to me 

She has always sang to me 

But I did not answer her

Her long lost child 

That was stolen from her a long time ago

I didn’t answer her because she spoke in a tongue that I didn’t understand

She called to me with her earth voice 

She called to me with her ocean song 

An ocean song voice that was matriarchal, loving, & kind

An earth voice that was paternal, protective, & caring

A song that somehow sounds like the very ocean itself

A voice that somehow sounds like the very earth itself

An ocean song that sounds so recognizable to me

As a Southeast Asian Vietnamese and East Asian Chinese person of color 

An earth voice that sounds so familiar to me

As a French and Polynesian Tahitian Indigenous Pasifika and Kinh Indigenous person

I cried upon hearing her earth voice and her ocean song

I am here Christian Nguyen she says 

She calls me by my English name 

She the ocean my ancestral mother she washed away my cosmic sea fairy ocean tears

When she brushed them away from my eyes with her hand made of earth ocean water

She embraced me 

To comfort me as I cried in her arms

She is calling to me and saying that I am her long lost child

One that was stolen from her a very long time ago

As a displaced state side disconnected diaspora 

I am a now an adult standing on the beach 

Finally listening to the earth voice and the ocean song for the first time

She says I would say hello Christian Nguyen

But that is your English name

Not your Vietnamese or Kinh Indigenous birth name

Not your chosen Polynesian Tahitian Indigenous Pasifika name

They are not your preferred names

Names have power

So I will say hello my child

Hello Ngoc Dinh Nguyen

Hello No’eau Aitonui Hoata   

She says she has searched across the land and the sea for a long time to find me

Her mahu or maohi in the middle child

I who am sometimes her son

I who am sometimes her daughter

I who am always her nonbinary child 

I her child who is maohi or raerae

Her child however refuses to speak

Her child however refuses to sing

I can no longer speak and sing

With my selective mutism 

I no longer answer them 

My ancestors who ask to hear me speak 

My ancestors who ask to hear me sing

With my voice of fire 

With my song of flame 

As a storykeeper, orator, & storyteller

She flinches back in hurt

She cries ocean tears

She can no longer hear the voice and song of her maohi or raerae child

A voice of fire and a song of flame that sounds serene, tranquil, calm, & melodic

A voice and a song she has heard for so long

She just wants to hear the voice and song of her child who is a storykeeper, orator, & storyteller

Please speak…

With your voice of fire

Please sing…

With your song of flame

She asks of me weeping ocean tears

Her child born of fire, flame, & water

Her child with a body of earth, ocean, & sky 

Her child who is a hybrid of a fire dragon, a sea fae, & a flame phoenix 

Her child with bones made out of jade 

Her child with roots made out of white lotus flowers and hibiscus plants 

I saw her ocean tears but I still didn’t respond

I say I am sorry but I don’t know how anymore

They robbed me of my voice of fire

They stole from me my song of flame 

I am sitting in front of altar that I built for my Tahitian gods and goddesses that I pray to and worship 

An altar to my people’s goddess of joy Rearea, my people’s goddess of wisdom and learning Ihi, & people’s goddess of healing Ai-tupuai

I can not talk to my Polynesian polytheistic gods and goddesses 

They speak French and they speak Tahitian for obvious reasons

They speak our Polynesian Indigenous Pasifika Tahitian 

They speak the colonizer’s and imperialist’s French 

I can not talk to them because it was stolen from me by cultural genocide and inter generational trauma

I cannot understand them because was taken from me as a displaced state side disconnected Polynesian Indigenous Pasifika diaspora 

My Tahitian kupuna or elders every night in my dreams tell me to speak Tahitian to them 

But the knowledge of how to speak Tahitian was ripped from my mouth a long time ago 

As a displaced state side disconnected diaspora 

That was stolen from the earth, the ocean, & the sky 

My mouth can still taste the blood of Tahitian words that cultural genocide has robbed from me  

So my mouth mourns and my tongue grieves a language it does not know how to speak

I spit out the blood of those stolen words on the faces of colonizers and imperialists 

I ask them to learn how to speak Vietnamese and Chinese so they can speak and whisper to my Vietnamese and Chinese ancestors 

I ask them to learn how to speak Vietnamese and English so they can talk and sing to me 

Their child with a body made of earth, ocean, & sky

Their child born of fire, flame, & water

Their child who is a fire dragon, flame phoenix, & sea fairy hybrid

Their child with bones made out of jade 

Their child with roots made out of white lotus flowers and hibiscus plants 

Do they feel shame and embarrassment that their child can’t speak their tongue? 

Or do they just feel sorrow and torment that their child so badly wants to speak to them

But does not have any kupuna or elders to teach them how? 

That their descendant does not have any family or whanau to teach them how to properly pray

That their heir doesn’t know how to be a storykeeper, orator, or storyteller 

That their descendant doesn’t know how to be a mahu or maohi elder and healer 

I see the tears of my Tahitian ancestors who were beaten for not speaking the colonizer French 

I see the tears of my Tahitian ancestors who were punished for speaking Indigenous Tahitian 

I see the tears of my Tahitian ancestors who had their traditional tattoos banned by French colonizers and imperialists  

I see the tears of my Tahitian ancestors who were forcibly converted from their Indigenous Pasifika polytheistic pagan spirituality to Catholicism by French missionaries

I see the tears of my maohi elders who had their cultural identities and gender identities banned by French colonizers

They are crying tears of earth, ocean, & sky

I see the tears of my Vietnamese or Kinh Indigenous ancestors who had their Indigenous language warped and perverted by Chinese colonizers and French imperialists

I see the tears of my Vietnamese or Kinh Indigneous ancestors who were enslaved and exploited by the French imperialists

I see the tears of my Vietnaemse or Kinh Indigenous ancestors who were beaten, whipped, & chained by French colonizers

I see the tears of my Vietnamese or Kinh Indigenous ancestors who were forcibly converted from their Vietnamese Indigneous Kinh folk spirituality to Buddhism and Catholicism by Chinese monks and French missionaries

They are crying tears of fire, flame, & water

They see me their descendant crying blood tears of inter generational trauma out of my eyes

I hear their silent screams and they hear mine!

Being displaced disconnected state side diaspora has robbed so much from me

Cultural genocide has stolen so much from me 

I am born of displaced disconnected diaspora of two Indigenous groups

Both of my people speak the same language even if they don’t know it

They both speak generational trauma

They both speak cultural genocide

They both understand what it is like being forcibly converted

They both know what its like to have their culture, customs, traditions, & spirituality banned

They both understand what it is like being under the boots of subjugation, oppression, & tyranny

They both know what it is like to be under colonialism, imperialism, neocolonialism, & occupation

They know what it is like to have Indigenous children who are disconnected displaced diaspora

I tell my Polynesian ancestors or na kupuna that I want to properly pray to my Polynesian Indigneous Pasifika gods and goddesses

I tell my Vietnamese or Kinh Indigneous ancestors that I want to properly venerate the spirits of my ancestors

Please know I want to so badly but cultural genocide has stolen so much from me

Please know I want to so badly but being displaced state side disconnected diaspora has robbed so much from me 

Dear ancestors or na kupuna

As your heir, as your descendant, as your child

I am sorry that I was ashamed of you

I am sorry that I was ever ashamed of myself

I am sorry that I was ever embarrassed of my racial identities

Of being Southeast Asian Vietnamese and East Asian Chinese

I am sorry that I was ever embarrassed of my cultural identities

Of being Polynesian Tahitian Indigenous Pasifika and being Kinh Indigenous

Because even as a child

I despised being Indigenous

I loathed being an Asian Native

I hated being Tahitian Indigneous Pasifika 

I was ashamed of my Asian racial identity

I was embarrassed of my Polynesian Indigenous Pasifika cultural identity 

Ever since I was a child until I was a young adult

For so long I didn’t have community, bonds, & links as a Polynesian Tahtian Indigenous Pasifika 

For so long I have been alone in my journey to connect and reconnect as a displaced state side diaspora

I don’t know my own culture, customs, traditions, language, & spirituality

I could only learn to love myself when I went to therapy 

After a long and difficult journey of healing, self love, & acceptance

I love myself

I love my racial identity 

I love being a person of color

I love my racial identities

I love being Southeast Asian and East Asian

I love being Vietnamese and Chinese 

I love being brown skinned

I love my cultural identities

I love being Indigenous Pasifika 

I love being Polynesian

I love being Polynesian Tahitian Indigenous Pasifika

I love being Kinh Indigneous 

I love my cultural identity and gender identity 

I love being maohi or raerae 

I will find my hapau or clan

I will find my whanau or family

I will find my iwi or nation

I will find my sacred mountain or male ancestor

I will find my sacred river or female ancestor

I will go to Tahiti 

I will soon come home

The land and the seas calls to me 

She has always spoken to me 

She has always sang to me 

Her long lost child 

With her earth voice 

With her ocean song 

I will answer her as her long lost maohi or raerae child 

With my voice of fire 

With my song of flame 

Her child born of fire, flame, & water

Her child with a body of earth, ocean, & sky 

She asks me her descendant

Why are you so full of rage and fury 

Cuz I am an Asian Native

Why are you so full of sorrow and torment 

Cuz I am an queer and trans indigenous person of color

Why are you so full of pain and anguish 

Cuz I am a displaced state side disconnected diaspora

Why do you grieve and mourn 

Cuz I have lost so much to cultural genocide 

Why are you so full of joy and happiness 

Cuz I have Indigenous community, connections, links, and bonds

I will learn my culture, customs, language, & spirituality 

I am not disconnected 

Not anymore 

I will always be home

No matter how far away it is

For my home is not just the earth

For my home not just the sea

Home is the people and the community 

I am connecting 

I am finding bonds, links, & connections

I reconnected with my Indigenous Pasifika community

They have claimed me and I have claimed them

I am reconnecting 

I am learning language, culture, traditions, customs, & spirituality 

If I have descendants I will not pass down self hate, generational trauma, & pain

But I will pass down self love, healing, & acceptance 

I will teach my children about my kuleana that was passed down from our kupuna

Hopefully one day I can find a kupuna or elder to teach me more about the kuleana or responsibility of being a storykeeper, orator, and storyteller 

Hopefully one day I can find an elder or healer to teach me more about the kuleana or obligation of being a healer and elder 

When my heart breaks because I don’t know how to speak with my Polynesian Indigenous culture’s deities of my people’s polytheistic spirituality 

Lost to me as someone disconnected and displaced as a Polynesian Tahitian Indigenous Pasifika diaspora   

It is not part of my heart that breaks with grief and misery and is in pieces with grief and sorrow but fucking all of it 

When I am telling the stories of my Vietnamese and Chinese ancestors as a storyteller  

It is not part of my earth voice that speaks as a spoken word poet who’s a storyteller 

But it is in fact my entire earth voice that speaks 

When I write the ocean songs of my Polynesian Indigenous Pasifika people  

It is not part of my ocean soul that sings as a songwriter who’s an orator  

But it is in fact my whole earth heart and entire ocean soul that sings 

I am not parts, I am not fractions, I am not fractured, & I am not broken fucking pieces 

I am not broken 

I am not parts 

I am not pieces 

I am whole

I still speak with pain, agony, distress, anguish

I still whisper with grief, mourning, torment, & sorrow

I still scream and roar with anger, wrath, hatred, fury, & rage

I now also sing with happiness, joy, & contentment

I am complete 

I am healed 

I feel tranquility in my fire dragon heart, flame phoenix soul, & sea fairy aura

I feel serenity in my earth, ocean, & sky mind 

I feel peace in my body born of fire, flame, & water

Ouuu 👅😂

I have a question:

How is the WOLF viewed in your culture and traditions (including legends, myths and any other cultural details)?

The reason I am asking is that I’m trying to dive deeper into the cultural concept of the wolf and how this animal has influenced the views of spiritual people in different cultures.

🐺✨

These pictures were taken within a month of each other. I love both of them because they show each side of me.

I’ve been thinking a lot about gender and what it means to me. I don’t know where I feel comfortable yet but I know that my journey with it isn’t over yet. If you know what I mean, message me about your experiences. 👀 I’d love to hear from other people and their process redefining their gender expression.

Taking advantage of amazing lighting

To all my native relations- go tell this account to fuck off.

Yet another group of people profiting off of Indigenous people by taking native designs, teachings, and cultural symbols and using them for profit. Our culture and traditions are not for sale! Stop the cultural appropriation!!! Go over to this page and educate these people.

Absolutely disgusting!

SD Times news digest: Fairwinds Insights 3.0, Mabl unveils native desktop app, and Nim 1.4.4 and 1.2.10

SD Times news digest: Fairwinds Insights 3.0, Mabl unveils native desktop app, and Nim 1.4.4 and 1.2.10

The latest release of Fairwinds Kubernetes security monitoring and governance solution aims to bridge the gap between security, development and operations. Fairwinds Insights 3.0 features resource monitoring; automation roles; and a new Open Policy Agent policy UI. The resource monitoring functionality is now integrated with Prometheus Collector to provide fine-grained resource usage data and…

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I’m aware of what’s said about her. I have actually spoken about it already and expressed how upset I was about it. I stopped putting the tags I usually do (will add them here though so more people know who don’t already) and have taken them off completely when someone explained stuff to me. At this point I only post about her because she’s Emily from twilight… and I’m more or less a lowkey twilight blog… or hate/love blog… i don’t even know at this point.

Gonna post this though so others can become aware as well. I don’t stand for this sort of thing happening and frankly am very tired of it. Very. Tired.

Edit; I also wanted to add that i do like Tinsel. I like her energy and she seems like a really cool person, but that doesn’t mean that I stand for this. She’s a beautiful woman and has a really good energy to her, she doesn’t need to pretend to be someone that she’s not to get roles. If anything that just destroys any chances of it. So if by chance anybody who sees this who even thinks to do the same thing that she supposedly is doing, rethink that. Do not pretend to be something that you are not. It will only end up bad for you. 

⚡💥The symbol of the wolf represents communication. It is considered a deity in many cultures, and its imagery is often used to inspire loyalty, compassion, and fierceness. It is a valuable symbol to many people.

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Important lessons from tonight’s virtual Piikani language class is that our Elder made a point that when spelling out the vocabulary to spell it how it sounds to you. Don’t worry about a “right” way. And the same goes for stories he shared. There is no “correct” Creation Story for us, what one Elder says may be different from what he says and that’s fine. There are multiple creation stories for us. He really encouraged to try and learn from as many Elders as possible, go to ceremonies and listen when you can.

And don’t talk down to someone learning the same language as you and don’t discourage them. It’s an incredible feat to learn the language and share it with one another. Embrace your truth and be proud we are learning together. Overtime it will get easier.

Tanaya Beatty photoshoot with Joshua Shultz

Tanaya Beatty photoshoot with Joshua Shultz

Tanaya Beatty photoshoot with Joshua Shultz

Tanaya Beatty photoshoot with Joshua Shultz

Tanaya Beatty photoshoot with Joshua Shultz