#entertainment is good actually

[lediz-watches]

Mom Can't Cook: A DCOM Podcast

It's a podcast. You don't 'watch' a podcast. I appreciate that. I'm still going to rant about it because I just finished another listen-through and, much like the hosts themselves, simply must talk about how I have spent many hours of my life recently.

So if you have never heard of Mom Can't Cook, the short version is two grown-ass men watching and recapping Disney Channel Original Movies from the late 90s-mid 00s.

But what it really is, is this:

Friends, there will be a time in your life as a consumer of media in which you start consuming a media that you KNOW is going to be bad. Maybe you loved it when you were younger, maybe you couldn't be bothered reaching for the remote, maybe you're just that bored, maybe a friend or a family member or a child you're babysitting is making you sit through it, but the point is, you consume the media. And it's as bad as you thought it would be. It annoys you. You hate it. You want to throw things at it. But you keep sitting through it. You can't stop. You must continue to consume it until there is nothing more to consume. You are, you realise with dawning horror, a little bit in love with this thing. You have spent hundreds of hours and possibly actual money on a thing that you knew, objectively and academically, was absolutely terrible. And yet. And yet.

You enjoyed yourself.

And you must confess your sins.

That's what this podcast is about.

It's actually Luke Westaway and Andy Farrant, two British internet personalities ostensibly employed in games journalism, recapping Disney Channel Original Movies from the late 90s-mid-00s. During lockdown, they spent Friday nights watching these movies together (I suspect in lieu of going to the pub), and now they simply have to talk about them because DCOMs are the kind of insane fever dream you simply must talk about and they are slaves to the grind internet personalities who try to make content out of everything.

I love it for a number of reasons:

Luke and Andy are very fun to listen to in general. They are very good at playing off each other, building on each other's ideas, getting increasingly ridiculous and yet somehow never managing to reach the heights of a Disney Channel Original Movie from the late 90s-mid 00s. At least, they haven't yet (Ninji from Oxtra Mario Golf came close, but that was technically Mike's fault). I think they consider it a challenge.

Andy in particular has these beautiful turns of phrase that perfectly encapsulate the feeling of an adult watching the kind of insanity that seems perfectly reasonable to a kid watching a kids' movie but, twenty years later and as the wrong audience, can only be described as mildly traumatising.

Luke is wonderful at just... embodying the part of you that gets swept up in the madness, knows you're getting swept up in the madness, tries desperately to hold on to sanity, and then can only take solace in the fact that maybe it won't be so bad to go insane because hey, it's kind of fun here...

By the time the Disney Channel reached my country, I was too old (/too young) to be watching most of it, so while I may have seen ads for them, I never saw these movies. And now, I'm too infected with Cultural Studies to get through them without dissecting their context and what they're saying and why and ugh... Listening to the recaps allow me to experience them without actually having to watch them.

Regardless of how they actually feel about it, Mom Can't Cook always feels to me like a bit of a love letter to a guilty pleasure. The DCOMs are bad, and Luke and Andy will go into detail about how bad they are, but it had this thread of affection to it that I adore. Maybe it was lockdown, maybe it was just time spent with friends, who knows, but they got something very important out of these terrible movies, and they're passing that on to their listeners (Honestly we should be compensated for this trauma). But jokes aside, this podcast is actually representative of why I love fandom, and being online, despite what a terrible place I find it most of the time. It's representative of why I occasionally post to this blog. I love talking about the things I consume. Whether they're good or bad, they speak to something in me, and I want to talk back! So it's... indulgent and wonderful, and I love it. And I love this podcast for speaking to that part of me.

I intended to write short reviews on spotify, but I listen on my laptop and spotify doesn't have that functionality on PC for some reason. And by the time I was confident enough to rant like this I couldn't remember individual episodes well enough to go back and do it on my phone. So it will be a next-time thing.

But in the meantime, I must share the lines that now live rent-free in my head:

"With the unearned confidence of a Marnie". I desperately need this down the leg of some workout leggings, and yet for some reason it isn't even Tshirt merch. No one will understand why, but I need it on workout gear specifically.

"But why did they give up their hands?" I bought this shirt, and I'm going to buy it again because I bought two sizes too big for reasons that I swear made sense at the time. It makes me grin every time I look at it.

"But there was simply no time/budget." I think this is more about Luke's delivery whenever he says it, but I love it. As a person who works in projects and actually does need to live with the consequences of terrible compromises fairly often, it also speaks to my soul.

"And I hate him." Again, it's in the delivery. Mom's got a date with a vampire remains one of my favourite episodes at least partly because of this one (two? Three? I don't remember how often it got said) line.

"Because [insert noun here] is good, actually." Whether sarcastic or not. It's just a turn of phrase that now exists in my head.

I just... I don't know what the hosts intended, but what I hear is the incredible affection for this waste of their Friday nights. For stupid, terrible, insane entertainment that we watch and consume and struggle to comprehend and yet which entertains us. And I love that so much.

Because entertainment is so important, and so wonderful, even when it's objectively terrible or just plain nonsensical, because it - ack. I'm just getting way too philosophical about what entertainment is and how we respond to it, so I'm just gonna leave this one here.

Mom Can't Cook is a good podcast. I'm so happy it exists.

#Mom can't cook #andy farrant #luke westaway #podcasts #entertainment is good actually #celebrating guilty pleasures #The rants I could go on about some of my truly terrible entertainment choices #This is probably why I world build in fandom #But the point is #sometimes you just need to enjoy what you enjoy

[egophiliac]

LET THE BOY HAVE AN EDUCATION

officially at the point where we're starting to see where it's all headed and I am just going NYEEHEEHEE in delight at it all. ahhh...next week can't come soon enough...

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #stage in playful land #stage in playfulland #leona: (devises an actually somewhat clever plan to take out the staff-puppets without breaking any rules) #leona: (taken out two seconds later because he sat down in the wrong place) #at this point i'm half expecting the ssr boys to actually bust in with a big sandwich platter or something #a cake with 'please don't kidnap people :)' written on it in shaky icing #kalim isn't good at plans but he DOES throw a good shindig and by god he's going to play to his strengths #also IT WASN'T SHINY TICKETS IT WAS GIDEL?! #MY BOY #MY BEAUTIFUL MAGICAL FELINE BOY #i mean i'm assuming at this point but that seems to be the implication #genuinely kind of shocked that they actually WERE being magicked into being extra gullible #it was ✨foreshadowing✨ all along... #the blot though! what about the blot! #is that going to be an issue or are we going to have enough to deal with already! #i have rocketed from 'i find these villains entertaining' to 'i am suddenly incredibly invested in them as characters' #LOOK there is one thing better than characters with sort of unhealthy codependent relationships #and that is characters with sort of unhealthy codependent relationships but TWIST IT'S NOT THE WAY YOU THINK #nyeeheeheeeeeee

[b4kuch1n]

polymer broadcast signal hijack

#pikmin #captain olimar #ft. louie captain shepherd and collin #as well as #moss (pikmin) #watched a stream series of pikmin 4 (its frankenbugs' series) thats what this is about really #but mostly. I just love olimar. I just really enjoy that man #also this really got me flexing those bande dessinée muscles from back thens lol #Ive missed drawin with this kinda proportions... I should do it more #Im gonna draw an olimar to put in my wallet. I need to make my life harder to explain to strangers #I also wanna. add more details to his space suit. make it look more like real life space suit for fun & entertainment #man I enjoy the animals in pikmin so much. they really are just like. animals. theyre animals #its great I love how genuinely bug-lookin the bugs are even with the stylization. pikmin and pokemon are really good at that #would like to learn how to do that... sometimes in the future #oh yeah fun fact. my effort at cleaning up my undercut a few days ago went badly. right before I went to a family reunion thing for 2 days #so I was goin out of my mind at that event postin abt olimar bc I love him #and then. when I got home. I decided to shave my head instead of trying to fix the haircut again #and so the sequence of events becomes I post about olimar -> I enter my bald arc #I am okay with this. have a good night lads. binding books is actually really fun u should try it

[balis77]

Shoutout to Magic for taking "Watson equivalent who was a former assassin of some kind" and ascending it to "Watson equivalent who is still an active assassin, not even on the side, like being a detective's assistant is their side job"

Proft: "He's covered his tracks well. He's definitely our culprit, but with all the physical evidence destroyed we'll never be able to prove it to the courts." Etrata: "...So like, does that mean I'm fine to... you know..." Proft: *sighs* "...Just please tell me you're being paid by someone else to do it." Etrata: "Oh they gave me the contract like halfway through the investigation. I was just waiting to see if we could get him in custody first."

#magic the gathering #etrata #alquist proft #Etrata got some really good character writing this set god damn #she went from being effectively a background character to having some of the best character dynamics in ravnica #hopefully when we inevitably come back to ravnica we can see her and proft still working together #proft also was surprisingly entertaining for someone who kinda came out of nowhere #I was sus of him the whole set but its actually funnier if he's just an innocent detective character who just ends up in these situations

[mistress-of-nightmares]

"jiang cheng used wei wuxian's crippling phobia to confirm his identity!!" yeah and my older brother would stand at the edge of our balcony unseriously to make me cry when i was younger what's your point

#i wondered whether to post this or not #i'm not saying jc was right in doing that i AM saying sibling relationships are insane #said brother (older ofc) and i actually have a good relationship... #dunno what to tell you #this was when i was. 8? so him 12? children man #jiang cheng #mdzs #wei wuxian #mo dao zu shi #yunmeng bros #twin prides of yunmeng #sometimes you have to traumatize your sibling for your own entertainment i don't make the rules

[aroaceleovaldez]

i still think a lot about how technically, it's implied Anubis and Walt started dating each other before they asked out Sadie, and if Sadie had said she wasn't interested they would have gone "Entirely fair have a nice day" and proceed to just go continue to date each other.

Cause like, that was the entire thing. They decided that themselves. That things would work best if they were together (as in both physically sharing a body and also relationship-wise). The "asking Sadie about it" part was secondary. If she had said no, they would have stayed together, because among other things Walt would kind of die if they didn't. Walt and Anubis are technically the first gay couple in the Riordanverse. AND they're in a polyamorous relationship with Sadie. Why does no one talk about them ever.

#tkc #the kane chronicles #riordanverse #walt stone #anubis tkc #sadie kane #saltnubis #< great ship name btw #and for anyone who says ''i dont think Rick intended that'' mind you this book was released like #six months before HoH came out (and. subsequently also. Nico.) #like. Rick was not ignorant of queer stuff at that time. he was actively writing it into HoO/HoH while writing both simultaneously #if Sadie had said no they wouldn't have just gone ''okay Sadie pick one of us and the other will cease to exist on the mortal plane'' #they would have gone ''okay well good luck we have a coffee date scheduled so we're gonna go do that'' #saltnubis is still probably the most entertaining solution to a love triangle in middle grade media i have ever encountered #even some YA media. just ''yeah so we solved both our major problems by dating but like. we know you like both of us sooooo...?'' #also hilarious that meanwhile Carter's romance arc is ''so turns out my first girlfriend was a clone made of pottery'' #''and the actual girl has never met me and this is kinda awkward''

[ozzieinspacetime]

Trevor Hills being Pathetic Blorbo #1 and your enjoyment of him being said Pathetic Blorbo #1 just adding on to the games pre-existing meta commentary is,, so good. They made him as miserable as possible and god it really worked.

#i <3 when dystopia scenarios like American Arcadia appeal to the real life audience #like. you fall in love with the character in the exact same way that the in universe audience does #and i think it provides a really interesting perspective and commentary on like. consumption and entertainment #its one of the reasons the first hunger games appeals to me so much actually because it explores that sort of. audience side #which imo is one of the best parts of 1984/truman show esque dystopia media like that #amyway. go play American Arcadia its really fucking good #american arcadia #trevor hills #we're pioneering tags here tonight ladies #teamtrevor #<- brilliant tag idea

[jacksprostate]

witness your own delusions of grandeur.

art collab with @narutodivorcearcreal, who did the amazing drawing; I colored :)

#fight club #fight club art #fight club fanart #narrator fight club #tyler durden #pulling out all the tags for this..... #tumblr kind of ate the quality a little which i'm sad about but what can you do #an absolutely super fun collab.... thank you my good friend narutodivorce for entertaining my tendency to take a very long time to color !! #if it is unclear #it is a merging of his view of reality and the actual reality #hence. his own delusions of grandeur #he is imagining himself in the audience and Tyler in the place his body actually is #also. highly recommended to turn up your brightness if youre on your phone #protip. that makes most art you see better lol

[mishy-mashy]

Bruce is actually really attractive, and I have enough reasoning to make a list

He's:

Tall (. Tall enough to hit his head on the vault doorframe)

Long-legged

Has a straight nose bridge

Has high cheekbones (more noticeable in 2nd pic below)

Has a strong jawline

Sharp eyes, but they aren't small (plus eyebags if you're into that)

Overall, he has strong, attractive facial features

Has broad, refined shoulders. You can tell he works out (or he did, when he was alive)

Even has a thick, muscly neck

He has MUSCLE. Is SCULPTED. NOICE. VERY NOICE. (nice arms. Nice shoulders. Nice neck. Nice legs. Nice butt-)

(There are actually panels where you can see some of his muscles. Other than those already shown here, he's got bricky thighs-

-and in the panels where we first get his name dropped, he's got those shoulder blades too-)

The one time we see him smile, and he actually has a scary one

Has small, kinda sharp pupils, and his eyes remind me of a cat. We only ever saw him tense or defensive, so his resting/listening face is really cute

Other than the physical appearance stuff, he also:

Takes shit without batting an eye (patience, knowing it's just how Kudo is, etc)

Kudo being all "Cut the crap Bruce and give it to me straight", after Bruce tests his blood and is rightfully Concerned because they just faced AFO

Put up with Kudo's experimenting and testing over Yoichi's transferable Factor

Did ya'll see the look on Kudo's face when he realized he had Yoichi's Factor/will? Kudo was going to start in nonsense and Bruce just dealt with that.

Also something I noticed when looking back at the images here; Bruce has bandages on his arms in the void. But not when he faced AFO in the sewers.

Were he and Kudo cutting their arms open in their experimenting over Yoichi's theory? Is this why Kudo has two gauntlets instead of his one? Why we never see his bare arms in the void? That he always keeps his arms down so there's no slip?

Is smart enough to run blood tests, plus has enough common sense to pick Shinomori as his successor

He picked a guy who avoids society, has an Ability to detect danger so he can always stay away from AFO, is also a coward so he's never going to go throw himself into danger, even without knowing instinctively he stands no chance, etc.

Meanwhile, Kudo chose Bruce, who he played Hot Potato Yoichi with; but he did also trust Bruce, and put the only pure combative Ability in OFA through Bruce.

These two made their choices based on what they valued and saw the Factor needed.

Is logical, analytical, and calm.

He tried advising Midoriya on their Abilities in One For All, especially his own.

Midoriya then tried ignoring him about using Fa Jin for the first time, but found he was right, thinking: "Dammit!! I had [Lady Nagant] right where I wanted her, but... ugh! The Third was right. My parallel Quirk processes are all screwed up!" (ch. 314).

Plus, when Midoriya fixed his processing mistakes, Bruce was analyzing the way he reached his new conclusion. Pure facts, no bias, very calm, just saying it as it was.

We never see him panic. When he's caught by surprise in the sewers by AFO, Kudo, and Yoichi's little bubble event, he immediately reacts. He doesn't falter, he just knows he has to do something right now.

Was more willing to listen than Kudo to Yoichi's beckon, and probably was just following Kudo's rejection of Midoriya

While we don't see Kudo's face, we see Bruce's eyes when Yoichi calls on his heroes. Bruce was more open and receptive, or at least more impacted.

Bruce was also the one to start talking, while Kudo just kept quiet.

He actually communicates a lot

When Yoichi called them to support Midoriya, Bruce started talking to paint a picture of why they thought the way they did, so Yoichi understood where they were coming from.

(Though he seems to beat about the bush sometimes, since Kudo spoke up to be direct on how they couldn't just put their trust in some starry-eyed teenager. Plus, when Kudo tells him to just tell him what's wrong [double Factors])

When Midoriya first used Fa Jin against Nagant, Bruce came out just to tell him he knew what he was trying, but that Midoriya wasn't ready; and Midoriya found he was right. Midoriya just didn't want to listen to him then.

He asks Kudo for clarification after finding Kudo had two Factors in him after the sewer incident ("Just to be sure, All For One didn't touch you, right?") Kudo knew him well enough to go "stop beating around the bush and tell me", so Bruce was probably gonna start with questions, theories, and trying to understand everything in general, before saying "yeah you have two Factors. Don't know why".

Is strong-willed and loyal.

He followed Kudo, even to death, carrying on the cause he started until it ended with him.

Plus, when talking about how AFO needs a strong will to override OFA's own, we first see Bruce, Kudo, and Yoichi.

AFO couldn't steal OFA because the will was too strong for him, and that was back during Banjo's time. Since Shinomori never actually tried opposing AFO and just hid, we can assume the first Three (Yoichi, Kudo, Bruce) already had an accumulation of strong willpower that made OFA un-stealable. Those three are a strong enough foundation, and the main wills, that the other users just become bonuses.

Kudo, also saying that Midoriya needs allies with the same will and drive as him... hey Kudo, you're talking about yourself and your old allies, aren't you? That's why you look at Yoichi and Bruce when you say this.

Not only is Bruce attractive, but he's got good character. THE END.

#yes this is a bruce appreciation post #am i biased? yes. am i right that he has these features? also yes. #hes actually a very attractive person. hes got all the right features for it #plus hes smart (some medical knowledge) is really loyal strong-willed and patient #he puts up with kudo SO much #from being bossed around to taking home yoichis brother to whatever the heck kudo made him do to figure out OFA's transfer properties..... #i didnt think much of bruce originally #then i started doing resistance fic stuff and now hes a fave #hes a little blorbo #that i throw in terrible situations for my own entertainment #used his scary smile for comedy purposes #like when he made a kid cry once. or when a meta child was afraid of him so they bit him #has patience to deal with kudo and co. but also. has enough bite to snark them. is how i like writing him #oh? background character? well lemme just *picks him up* EXPAND ON THAT- #fic stuff: he tries making a good impression on a girl and kudo is ruining it immediately #he doesnt know what to do because the two always banter #kudo: fuck you #oc: fuck me yourself you coward #he sees through a rose-lens that kudo is trying to rip off his face #appeciation kinda turned analysis in general #bruce #kudo #yoichi shigaraki #bnha #mha #spoilers #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #NOT YOICHIS BROTHER. i meant Yoichi / AFO's brother in a prev tag up there but theres too much tags i dont wanna rewrite to fix that #(image limit and tag limit)

[muffinlance]

Prompt: Azula joins Zuko on his Avatar hunt instead of Iroh. I don't know why, I don't know how, but I'm certain to be entertained by whatever follows.

Ozai and Ursa were already dead by the time Iroh arrived home. He stepped from his ship into the palanquin, and rode past the places of their execution, holding the urn of his son’s ashes. 

He had no time to entrust them to the Fire Sages before his father summoned him. He brought them along, because this was an easier thing than setting them down. And perhaps Lu Ten’s grandfather would like to see him once more, outside of the family shrine. Iroh would have given anything—

He placed the urn on the floor next to him. It did not kneel when he did. Fire Lord Azulon surveyed him from behind the flames.

“Rise, my son. It is good to have you home.”

They did not speak of Lu Ten. His father had always been a man to look to the flames of the future, rather than the ashes of the past.

* * *

They hanged Ursa, as befitted her attempted crime, and her past station.

They burned Ozai, as befitted his. A child of Agni should always return to the flames.

The children of the traitors had been stricken from the family line. Had been placed in the capital prison; bait for the trap. Azulon was keeping close eye on those who expressed concern for the offspring of regicides. Ozai had expected support for his position; it would be Iroh’s second task to sift through the court, and discard the chaff. 

His first task was a more practical resowing. Azulon had already selected a handful of candidates: women of suitable birth and known loyalties. The wedding date had been set, pending selection of the bride.

“Thank you, father,” Iroh said. 

Lu Ten held his silence.

* * * 

Azula had never liked the servants who’d fussed at her hair and clothes, who’d pulled and tugged until she was perfect, like perfect was a thing outside of her for others to bestow. She only had to look at Zuko to know how far tailored robes and well-oiled hair could take one.

She couldn’t see Zuzu from her cell. Her robes were too cold against the stone and every tug to wrap them tighter just made them worse, she could see it in the guards’ faces, the way they’d stared when she’d first arrived and looked a few days after and now they barely even saw. No one would talk to her, no matter her demands. They didn’t even stop their own conversations anymore; just slid in her food and kept walking and batted away her fires and it was cold here.

There were things crawling in her hair that her nails couldn’t dig out. Sometimes she thought she heard Zuzu yelling, but she couldn’t be sure. And it would have been undignified to yell back. She was a princess. She was fifth in line for the dragon throne. 

Fourth, now that Lu Ten was dead.

Third, because father was, too. 

He’d yelled and then he’d screamed and it hadn’t done anything but make the crowd jeer. Fire Lord Azulon had been silent. Poised. In control. She was his namesake and she would be too. 

She was nine.

* * *

Zuko yelled until his throat burned. The guards didn’t care, they didn’t listen to him, which was nothing new. He shouted and shouted and his own ears hurt. Maybe that’s why he never heard Azula calling back.

Grandfather had made them watch when he’d killed father and, and—

If grandfather had Azula killed, he would have made Zuko watch that, too. Azula was probably just better at being a prisoner than he was. Maybe the guards even talked to her.

He was eleven.

* * *

Iroh’s new wife was a third his age. A flower just coming to bloom. She looked like his first wife; Azulon knew his preferences. She was young enough to be Lu Ten’s sister. She smiled and laughed each day with the other court wives, and came to his room with lists of possible dissenters to discuss in their marital bed. It was not the pillow talk he was used to, but it was charming, in its way. She liked to lay on her stomach and kick her feet above her as they traced the web of treachery with his dead brother at its center. She was here to have his children—a task at which she worked with admirable diligence—and to be the acting Fire Lady. She had not had to struggle and flaunt herself for his affections; she had been picked from a line-up, her expectations realistic, her motives aligned with his. It was the least romantic relationship Iroh had ever been part of. It was… refreshing.

On the day the palace doctor confirmed their newly budded line of succession, the Fire Lord called them both in for congratulations. And for pruning.

* * *

Zuko had turned twelve, but had not realized it. Azula had turned ten. She’d counted the days.

Iroh had not been able to visit them in prison; only to inquire as to their treatment. Individual cells, regular meals of reasonable quality, no abuses. He’d moved his own people into position to ensure the last. 

Azulon had moved them back, after a delay for his soft-hearted son’s conscience. They could not waste loyal men on cuckoo-vipers. And Iroh could not waste his father’s good will. Not when it would be needed in the future, for the most important request.

* * * 

“And your wife agrees to this?” asked the Fire Lord, behind his flames. 

Iroh’s wife had not been directly addressed, and so did not reply. She sat in polite and perfect seiza, her head raised, as befitted the woman currently running her half of the court. Azulon had never seen fit to replace his own wife, after all.

“She does,” Iroh spoke for her. “We have spoken on the issue at length, and believe it best. Our family is small, and cannot afford to be smaller. The children are young; too young to have been in their parents’ confidences. With proper guidance—”

“And how would they place in the line of succession?” Azulon asked. “How would they chafe, how would they plot, with a decade’s experience over your eldest?”

Lu Ten’s own connections at court had been built while his cousins were still in diapers. But he was no longer Iroh’s eldest.

“We believe—”

“No,” his father interrupted again. “I will not allow their adoption. Not by you, where they could smother your own babe in the cradle, and certainly not by someone I trust less.”

Which was everyone, since the night his daughter-in-law had served him tea sent by his son.

“Father,” Iroh began, and his wife shifted her elbow just so, the only indication that she wished to dig it into his ribcage. “They are young, and innocent. They are my beloved nephew and niece. Your grandchildren. We cannot in good conscience—”

‘Good conscience’ had never factored into his father’s policies. Iroh had… begun to realize that, of late. His wife let out a small sigh, deliberately audible only to the man next to her. She had cautioned very strongly against a—how had she put it?—a feelings-based approach to this situation. Feelings rarely factored into her own decisions. She had been hand-selected by his father, after all. 

His wife went into a half-bow, her head lowered. “May I speak, my lord?” 

The flames crackled. The shadow of his father inclined its head, just slightly. 

“To kill the children is wise, and I admit, would set my mind at ease for my own child’s sake. But my husband feels strongly on this matter, and so I support him, for his happiness is my own. May I suggest a compromise? To place them outside the court, where they cannot build influence, nor harm your son’s heirs. A position from which you can judge their characters and value to the nation as they grow.”

“You suggest banishment,” the Fire Lord said.

“Not unstructured, of course. To leave them roaming freely would invite those that would take them in. Perhaps a military commission? As they are commoners, they should begin from a rank befitting their station, of course. Let them prove their worth on their own merit.”

Iroh could not see through the flames, but he knew his wife’s small smile was reflected on his father’s face. 

“A naval position,” the Fire Lord said. “On a ship that does not frequently make port. The frontlines would be the best place for them to prove themselves, wouldn’t you agree?”

Iroh closed his eyes.

“Father,” he said. “Please,” and he could feel his wife willing him to stop talking. The Fire Lord had already agreed to spare their lives. A banishment could be undone, so long as he and the children both outlived the man before them. “I… thank you for your wisdom in this ruling. But perhaps, if they complete some feat worthy of our line, they could be allowed to return?”

The flames were hot against his face. His new wife was still and silent against his side. His father… his father laughed, a low exhalation, the wheeze of a humorless old man.

“Let them bring me the Avatar,” Fire Lord Azulon said, “and I will welcome them home with honor.”

* * *

Zuko didn’t know why they’d pulled him from his cell or scrubbed him down or taken his old clothes. They’d been dirty but they could have been cleaned. His new clothes were scratchy, and too big, and they looked like a common soldier’s, and… and—

And they’d shaved his hair. 

* * * 

It had gotten rid of the bugs, Azula admitted, in the privacy of her own mind. Still. She memorized the faces of the woman who’d held her down and the man who’d shorn her. For future reference.

They hadn’t bothered sizing her new outfit for a child. Azula noted the quartermaster’s face, as well.

* * *

They were put on a ship. It was the first time they’d seen each other in nearly a year.

Zuzu looked at her head, and wisely said nothing.

She raised an eyebrow at his, and graciously granted him the same.

It was hard to tell them apart. They had their mother’s face. And their father’s.

* * *

Their captain’s name was Zhao. He invited them to dinner in his private quarters, once the Fire Nation was behind them. Zuko fidgeted. Azula didn’t.

The captain spoke on how much potential he saw in them, under a commander who saw their true value. 

Together, they could go far. Very far, indeed.

Azula smiled and said all the things she thought father would have said. Zuko scowled. 

Zhao brushed over their arms with his own while reaching for things. He served them more when they said they were already full. He squeezed their shoulders when he brought them back to their rooms, which were next to his, even though the rest of the lower crewmen slept together in the same big cabin. Zuko scowled harder. 

Azula was invited back. Zuko wasn’t.

* * *

Zhao was… Zhao wasn’t a good person.

“I know that, dum-dum. But do you want to stay banished forever?” 

“Uncle said—”

“Uncle’s going to change his mind, when he has his own heir and a spare. We’re threats, Zuzu. And Zhao knows father’s old friends. He’s one of the smart ones.”

The dumb ones had already been executed. 

“I… I think he wants to—to tie himself to the royal line.”

“Eww,” she said. “I’m ten. If he wants to get engaged, I’ll just break it when we’ve got the throne. It will be too late for him to retract his support, then.”

They’d barely left port before Zhao had made his first move. He didn’t seem like a man who waited. 

Azula was ten, but Zuko was twelve. Being twelve was almost thirteen, which was almost a teenager, which was almost an adult, and adults understood things that ten year olds didn’t.

They had to get off this ship. They had to go home.

Zuko had to find the Avatar.

* * *

(This ficlet is now posted on AO3.)

#are you not entertained? #eventually this one will be a Fire Lord Iroh AU #better hope he gets that throne quick <3 #Happy Ending: and then they joined the southern raiders just as Hakoda was setting sail #and Hakoda was unprepared for these feral fuzzy-headed children suddenly on his ship #Bad Ending: and then they joined the southern raiders when Zuko was sixteen and Azula was fourteen #after four years with Zhao #Zuko: *shakes Aang until he glows then yeets him at Zhao like a grenade* #Azula: that's a good first step to being my favorite brother #but I still don't have a crown in my hair Zuzu #Avatar The Last Airbender #atla #Zuko #Azula #Iroh #I actually really like Iroh's new wife? #RIP one-off OC I'll probably never use again #you are the politically climbing aro-ace rep we deserve #New Wife: sure I'll exchange my firstborn for ultimate power in my nation #wait I can keep the kid too? #sweet deal #ficlet #Cuckoo-Vipers

[toomanywatchers]

inspired by survival mode’s season 2 finale

#watcher #watcher entertainment #we are watcher #wearewatcher #ryan bergara #shane madej #survival mode #bigfoot #ok that pic is supposed to be bigfoot but I couldn’t find a good rendering of him #so it’s actually king kong but shhh don’t tell anyone

[captaincleverusernamehere]

My thoughts in summary:

- Sally Jackson I Love You So Much Please Stop Making Me Cry It’s Been One Episode

- Annabeth is even MORE calculating in the show and I love it so much

- Clarisse absolutely slays, as expected

- Basically: Women.

- Also Grover is so silly goofy I love him, and I can’t wait to see Luke get scary

My only complaints:

- The main theme sounds like the Avengers theme

- Mr. D and Gabe weren’t gross enough

- I feel like a lot of the acting choices could be bigger, and I think the directing is at fault there. Clarisse and Sally were really selling their strongest character traits a lot more than some of the other characters, not because of the quality of their acting but because it was allowed to be Bigger. Like I expect Grover and Percy to be more facially expressive and I feel like they were directed not to be, and they didn’t talk about Gabe hitting Sally or really show him being nearly as abusive as he was in the book. Maybe that will somehow be expanded upon later, but the revenge isn’t as sweet when he’s just An Ass instead of the literal scum of the earth y’know?

#basically: very very good but I think the show isn’t selling how weird this all actually is; and isn’t selling that it’s for kids; it’s- #a bit too grounded; not as ridiculous as it should be to keep a middle schooler entertained you know? #but I am thoroughly enjoying it #percy jackson #percy jackson show #pjo spoilers #pjo show #grover underwood #annabeth chase #walker scobell #leah sava jeffries

[datshitrandom]

How was to be in a gay relationship (klaine) on screen?

“It was fucking awesome man. I mean the main thing here, like not because I’m trying to be blasé about the obvious thing in this question because we are saying that this is a gay relationship, nowadays, we just call it a relationship on tv, but to contextualize it, a gay relationship on mainstream Fox Network, that’s a pretty cool thing to be a part of. I often equate my relationship to that whole experience to Slumdog Millionaire which is, if you are familiar with Slumdog Millionaire is a kid that gets ask a bunch of questions and he just so happens to have the experience to answer this very specific things, now being cisgender straight kid you go 'oh oh what? are you going to allow this guy to talk gay shit?', I’ve been so culturally queer my whole life, not because I’m trying you know, actually, I was gonna say not because I’m trying to be cool but I’m gonna erase that, is because I am trying to be cool. All the sh— in my life that I have tried to emulate, learn from and be inspired by are one hundred percent queer as f—. It was in queer communities that I’ve found people that I idolize, that I want to be, to learn something from. And I’d say that’s a gross generalization, that’s a lot of things and a lot of people. But I grew up in San Francisco in the ’90s. I watched men die. There was an awareness of the gay experience that was not a foreign concept to me. So, it was a narrative that I cared deeply about. I wasn’t like a f— saint or like 'I’m the man for the job', they hired me and they said, 'You’re the guy,' and I said, 'Okay, I’m the guy I will do my best, I will do my best to talk about it in the way I believe and a way that I’m passionate about'. So in many ways I’m glad that it was me because it was a thing that I really like showing up for and it meant a great deal to me that it meant a great deal to other people. Because when people say they were affected by that show or that relationship, it’s not because of me, it’s because of that relationship on a TV and the risks that people took to put that on TV and most important of all it took the people watching it to have the "aptitude" for seeing beyond what was maybe given to them in other avenues of culture. People of all ages, all spectrums of awareness say, 'I didn’t grow up with a show like that and it was a really meaningful thing for me to see,’ and I go ‘I didn’t grow up with a show like that’ and that would’ve been very meaningful for me too, you know?, regardless of the fact that I’m a straight kid. That has value. For anyone who’s been an underdog, we all know, in any shape or form — sexual, religious, biological, whatever — it has value because there’s going to be a lot of people who see that and go, 'Okay, I can now understand this in a context that maybe I wasn’t able to before'. So short story long, what was it like? It was a fucking privilege and I love talking about it and I’m so grateful I got to do it." - Darren Criss at the Chicago Comic & Entertainment Expo Q&A | April 27th, 2024 

#i'm in a fucking rage rn #a transcript of what darren said at the c2e2 #because y’all fucking suck for being stupid and only reading all those clickbait headlines with words out of context #and jumping to conclusions #instead of listening to what he ACTUALLY SAID #stop twisting his words #stop blowing things out of context #all that makes perfect sense #his whole worldview has been shaped by queer culture #so yes he IS culturally queer #and he fucking embraces it #he is grateful for that #and shows himself as an ally #what’s wrong with that?!?!? #he isn't taking advantage of the community #he didnt make claims about his sexuality #AND he didnt said “im culturally queer bc im from san francisco” #so back off #and as a member of the community i'll tell u #that if something as simple as him painting his nails with bright colors #or him being comfortable surrounding himself of queer culture offends you #thats a fucking you problem #hope that one day we will stop going after the only few cis straight guys that are actually really trying to be good allies #and embrace our community and culture like this man does #⋯⋯⋯⋯ #chicago comic & entertainment expo #c2e2 #darren criss

[spookygibberish]

Dogstock are typical of what are often deemed the ‘evil’ races in many other fantasy works. They were created by some higher force to be slaves, they are carnivorous by nature, they resemble animals other than human in dentition and build. They growl and bite and walk behind.

The Uhasr (a dogstock culture) are descendants of such slave-infantry that was abandoned when the empire that used them to capture the steppes decided the land wasn’t so profitable after all, and more pressing matters drew their attention elsewhere. Like tools left spent on the ground, the unneeded, excess dogstock were left to survive on their own in Hochkiskuph. The native peoples, of course, did not welcome them any more, or see them any less as oppressors when the hand released the lead. To the Hochkiskuph peoples, the Uhasr are a predatory ghost, an echo that consumes them even in absentia. To the Uhasr, one human is much like another, differing in number and equipment, but never in essence. Uhasr are a species of wild animal with a human face. Humans are prey on two legs. Humans smoke and poison uncovered dens on principle, Uhasr abduct and consume men and women and children all the same.

A common trend I have noticed in media which aims to humanize monsters, is that it often relies on passivity. Humanity is contingent upon kindness. The monster that is A Person only so long as they are a harmless thing at heart, something which can be understood and befriended. Their violence is reluctant, their hearts noble. Grace is a concession to the dominated. Only the toothless beast, declawed and pinioned and caged, is one which has earned its personhood. The ontological enemy supersedes the ontological man.

#haven't posted them much (all wips) but been thinking about the sphinxish people in my setting. same world as thrones #different part of the continent like 2 whole seas away #this is inspired by a shitty comic a friend is reading and also thinking some of the writing in the long way to a small angry planet re #hostile aliens really really sucked. #i want to talk abt this more so im posting it if you have thoughts i would like to hear themmmmm #i'm very cynical about this kind of stuff lmao #dogstock #im also reading tollkien rn so im thinking about ORCS #i dont actually like the lotr trilogy all that much but not even bc i think the writing is bad i just think its kinda boring. sorry. #thats not a very interesting reason to not like something i dont even think its not good im just not super entertained. rip #like not saying there is no issue with it at all writing wise there is very much to say abt how it is utterly and uncritically #white good black bad fair elves and dark orcs and shit like that #but i've liked things more that have bigger issues. hi pern. maybe i just like shlock! idk! #rambling. im keyed up hi #the gibberish in spookygibberish

[poorly-drawn-puppet-history]

"what new stuff did watcher show on the mystery files season finale??"

well. imagine a jar of peanut butter.................. in a new opening sequence

#watcher entertainment #mystery files #shane madej #ryan bergara #no actually the new opening bit is so fucking good. so much more Style than the previous intro

[moonpaw]

Fighting DEMONS rn trying not to get invested in one piece to figure out wtf you're posting about!!!!

come here cyber.... we have this thang

‎

#mp answers #i've been trying so hard not to be annoying to my bnha friends but if you will allow me to push this for this ask let me say 🙏 #if you're afraid of the episode count for one piece the manga is a lot quicker read while being just as enjoyable because the art style is #an actual delight. its great its fantastic im absolutely in love with it #the series is soooo good and i know luffy can seem unappealing to people before they start but he's just SUCH a great character & continues #to be even now. the story is SO GOOD the characters are SO GOOD... theres so much lore and world building that its insane #if you read the manga we get 'cover stories' on what's going on with previous characters to see what theyre up to even though we moved on #from where we left them. a lot of these cover stories blend into the main story so well its just seamless #there's one where we get introduced to a character we dont see hundreds of episodes into the anime and they show up like; during the second #saga. the series is about traveling to other islands and every single arc has been tied to another in some way or form that shows up later #even if its sagas and sagas later- it still becomes relevant again!! it's a huge ongoing story and there isnt a single arc that feels like #it has no purpose (sans filler in the anime-but even then!! some filler arcs are really entertaining!) #it's emotional! its sad! its downright stupid and silly but GOD... you can feel the love that oda put into this series and his characters #and the emotions in the expressions and the messages the story gives off it just makes me UEUHGHHAHGHH!!! #it's all about the adventure and the romance of it all! its about the freedom it brings and bringing freedom to others! #its a series where treasure should be a focus given its pirates and the its a giant treasure hunt for the one piece and yet! and yet so man #of the characters treasures are things that are not coins and gems but people and promises and family and and #im going to EXPLODE i love one piece