#even though in my personal opinion too much mascara/eyeliner is being used on every girl who shows up on the screen

[thebirdandhersong]

rlly appreciate that the casting for OUAT is like. normal people! with wrinkles and freckles and moles and crow's feet

#point being i do appreciate that this show from the 2010s isn't as silly as some shows from the 2020s #that cast only hyperpolished hypersexualised hyper-carved to fit a very narrow beauty standard people #this is more a problem in asian shows than western shows but i AM glad that. like. the actors are allowed to just Exist #some of them put on or lose weight through the seasons and that's like. normal! and fine! #over the course of the show you watch their smile lines frown lines etc deepen and that's GOOD and allowed and not frantically scrubbed at #the way some kdramas/cdramas do! #don't know where i'm going with this but i do like this about ouat #even though in my personal opinion too much mascara/eyeliner is being used on every girl who shows up on the screen #songbird watches ouat

[the-princess-atta]

Fairy Lights || Attendy

Summary: This honestly took place in like September but it’s alright its cool its going well and we post things at a normal time. First dates with Attendy. 

@flippin--corduroy

WENDY

It was a pretty nice summer night out. Breeze came in off the lake and everything seemed like a normal Friday night in Swynlake. People were out on dates and looking all coupled up and well, Wendy Corduroy found herself in the same boat as all of those people.

Wendy had a date with a fairy. Like a really cute fairy. A cute fairy who liked woodworking and trees and nature and was just as excited as she was about it all. To be honest, Wendy played it off like dates were totally normal and cool by her. She went on plenty, and even more hookups usually happened at places like Pixie’s. But deep down she was very much not ice cold, she was pretty nervous. And on top of that she’d never went on a date with someone like Atta before (at least not that she knew of and definitely not personality wise either) and Wendy had set herself up to introduce her to a lot of ‘clumsy’ firsts. 

But you wouldn’t really be able to tell all of that if you looked at her. Wendy stood there outside Chippamunka, looking a bit more dressed up than usual. Her jeans didn’t have quite as many rips in them and her button down plaid shirt had zero wrinkles in it. She wore boots that were definitely not meant for the workshop. And you know, she even put like a little bit of mascara and eyeliner on just because you know, you gotta highlight the assets and everything. She tucked her hands in her pockets and looked around for the familiar smiley fairy sight that was Atta.

As she spotted the girl, her grin widened and she just gave a wave, before the fairy got close enough for her to give her a bit of a friendly hug, “Hey! Wow, you look like super pretty.” She motioned behind herself to the restaurant, “I reserved us a table inside so you get the whole restaurant experience.”

ATTA: 

Atta meant what she said: she did not know the first thing about going on a date. 

It wasn’t just a pixie thing, unfortunately. What she had purposefully not mentioned was the reason for her undating-- a once great and rare destiny to become the queen of a Hollow, which unfortunately left little time or space for the pleasures and anxieties of romance. It wasn’t exactly forbidden...not in any of the history books. Many queens and kings did enter into promises in the last stretch of their lives after they gave up their duties. But Atta’s days used to be schedules from one flit to the next, and that schedule took her far away from the world of the other fairies her own age. It never bothered her much, to be honest. She grew up with a certain set of expectations. And whatever free time she did have, Atta much preferred to use having adventures with Dot or bothering Flik down in the tinker tunnels. 

But Swynlake was a brand new life and a brand new Atta and that Atta had no grand destiny, so maybe she said yes to a date with Wendy just because she could. It was not the only reason, but it was a very, very big reason. She collapsed back against her cot with her phone pressed over her heart and looked up at the ceiling in wonder. “I’m going on a date,” she said out loud, to hear it and imagine it taking shape in front of her, something solid she could hold in her hands. She read over her texts again and repeated herself, a smile growing on her lips. “I’m going on a date.” 

No idea what it meant. No idea what it was like! But here she was anyway, after fussing with her various pixie and clumsy clothes and coming up with a kind of hybrid: her one pair of clumsy jeans, her favourite tinker ankle boots with the pretty bells, and a soft green halter appropriate for these warm summer months. She braided a loose crown around her head and didn’t dare look at her reflection or else she knew she’d fuss with all the pieces and get too self-conscious and just cancel this whole thing. She headed straight for the location instead, trying to outrun her second-guessing (Atta was prone to second-guessing). 

When she saw Wendy, her cheeks ripened like strawberries. “Really? Oh, frost, that’s-- very responsible of you. You ehm, you look nice too. I like your shirt, it’s very--stripey.” 

Stripey. Atta touched one of her eartips self-consciously. “I mean! We don’t have patterns like that in the Hollow.” 

WENDY

The redhead just grinned a bit at being called responsible. She did count herself as fairly responsible. She had her own apartment (with Dipper) and school and work and she had time to plan dates with pretty fairies too. Plus, she guessed having three younger crazy brothers and dealing with a Dad who was a little out of touch with reality kind of made her a bit responsible earlier on.

“You guys don’t have plaid? Wow, that’s like a clumsy staple. We should look into getting you some stripey plaid, it comes in all kinds of colors. And I’m positive it would look great on you.” She opened the door to the restaurant and held it open for Atta, “Right this way to your first restaurant experience.”

They walked through Chippamunka, the smell of spinach in the air as Wendy led them over to their small table by the window in a diner booth. “So, here’s the deal, you can either go with what you think looks dope on the menu.” She held the piece of plastic coated paper up, “Or, you can ask our waiter what their favorite dishes are and that just kind of makes the whole thing easier if you’ve never been to a place before.” 

She felt like a tour guide, honestly this whole restaurant thing was kind of weird sounding when you said it all outloud to another person. “Also do you like, eat meat or are fairies like vegetarians? Because they have plenty of options for whatever.”

ATTA: 

Now this part, Atta could do. 

That was nothing to brag about. The basics of going to a restaurant simply mirrored going to many of the different food stands and restaurants in the Hollow. There was of course the main kitchens, which many of the kitchen-talents worked in. They prepared food and laid it out buffet-style for fairies to take as much as they pleased (but of course, not too much). But there were a few other little restaurants, usually with different hours than the main meal times. Some were quite casual, meant for a flutter-by and to take the food back home to eat in privacy. But others, a fairy could sit down and enjoy being waited on by the serving-talents.

She didn’t know how to say all this to Wendy, because she didn’t want to come across as rude or make Wendy feel embarrassed. She was right, anyway, to assume that clumsy restaurants were quite different from fairy ones. They probably were--in all kinds of little ways that Atta hadn’t noticed yet. 

“Most fairies are vegetarian, though winter fairies usually eat fish. It’s an important part of our diet,” explained Atta first. She reached forward to fiddle with the silverware, unrolling it from the napkin. “It’s different from culture to culture too, I’ve learned. There’s a fairy in my Hollow whose originally from Korea, and they eat more meat and fish as well. I personally don’t eat much though.”

She looked down at the menu. “My, this is...a lot of options.” She blinked. “How do they prepare all of this?”  

WENDY

Wendy nodded and stored that information in her little fairy file she was compiling in her brain. She was learning a whole lot just from talking to Atta and texting her every now and then about the case. (Well, and the odd like meme and reference). “So like, was ice fishing big where you’re from then? Because I mean, you guys basically lived in snow like all the time, right?” 

She ran a hand through her hair and leaned back a bit with a smile at Atta’s question, “Lots of storage space and practice, I’d guess. Have everything like at the ready to go. And Kronk is like one of the best chef’s in town. Super dedicated. I’ve talked to him a couple times he’s a real nice dude.”

She smiled at the waiter who brought them their water glasses. He looked like some college freshman in his first job. “Hey there.” He briefly gave them a spiel about the catch of the day and their specials before asking them if they wanted anything else to drink aside from the water.

“Nah, water is good for me.” She smiled over at the waiter and then Atta, “ I think we’re definitely gonna get the spinach puffs to start though. No idea on anything else, Kronk’s always got so much working at the same time so I think we’re gonna need a minute or two. Like honestly, Chippamunka probably has the biggest menu in Swynlake.”

ATTA:

Atta liked listening to Wendy talk.

She had never been especially chatty herself. She left that to the chipmunks and to her constituents, for a royal-talent should above all else listen first. She learned to save her words and polish them...though she waited too long and polished too cleanly, which led to this terrible habit of being caught off-guard when asked an opinion out of nowhere. Then she’d stutter and uhm and ah and er. Wendy didn’t stutter. She also didn’t talk prettily, but that was part of the reason Atta liked listening to her so much. She said things in a funny way-- and secretly Atta’s heart fluttered in interest at these words, such as her fondness for “like” and also “dope” and now “dude.”

She nodded along then as Wendy conversed with their ‘dope’ dude waiter. “Water for me as well, thank you,” she added before looking back at the menu as the waiter moved away. 

And then her curiosity got the best of her.

Atta leaned forward. “May I ask a question? A little while ago you said, um-- dope? What’s that mean?” she asked eagerly. 

She could add it to her collection of new words. 

WENDY

The redhead just watched as the waiter went off and took their drink orders before smiling back at Atta. God, she was just so pretty wasn’t she? Just like the perfect cute face and her hair was golden like a bunch of sunflower petals. 

Wendy nodded as she asked the question and then just kind of chuckled, one because she didn’t even think about things when she said them and two, because Atta looked like a eager beaver waiting to gnaw through a log and make its home.

“Oh dope? Well…” She scrunched her brows up a bit, trying to not use another slang word to describe it. Like she couldn’t say dope meant like cool or sweet because those meant other things too. She then remembered something from their texts and perked up, “Oh! You know how like, I think one time you said flitterific? Or something like that? It’s like that. It means great but like a little more than that you know?”

She scratched her head a bit, “Wow, I’m trying to think about all the times I said slang words at you and didn’t even realize it. My bad. But hey, just like think of me as your personal clumsy slang translator. Like a clumsy-ary? A dictionclumsy?” She let out a laugh, bit bashful at her terrible attempts. “Well, you know what I mean.”

ATTA:

Great, but a little more than that.

Atta’s mouth opened as the understanding washed right over her. Great, but a little more than that-- like you, Atta thought, but didn’t say. Those two words jumped to the tip of her tongue but before they could fall out, ungraceful and silly and very un-royal-like of her, Wendy was laughing and talking again in her usual Wendy-way. Atta’s lips pressed back together. She’d keep it to herself, though later on, maybe she’d write ‘dope’ in her journal and ‘Wendy’ right beside. How easy that word would be to remember, with such a lovely example right in front of her.

Atta nodded. “I do, though you shouldn’t feel badly because obviously I said fairy slang right back at you and didn’t realize it. So that makes me your--dictionfairy.” Atta punned with a little shoulder shimmy. “I think it’s fun anyway, learning new words. Or new things in general. It was all overwhelming at first, but now I look forward to what I’ll learn in a day. It’s--dope,” Atta tried out the word. “Did I use that right?” 

WENDY

Just looked at Atta with the biggest grin on her face, honestly, this was definitely one of the better dates she’d been on and this was just getting started. I mean, they’d barely ordered an appetizer. 

Speaking of--

As Wendy laughed in reply to the dictionfiary comment because that was a good one, really. A+ on the pun scale and the + was really for the shoulder shimmy which made the lighting of the restaurant catch the contours of Atta’s face and lips and made her hair and eyes shine just that much more, their waiter came back with their spinach puffs and Wendy’s stomach already felt like it was going to engulf itself with how good they smelled, she leaned over around the arms setting the plate down to reply, “Yeah, for sure. Excellent usage.”

The waiter then interrupted and asked what they’d like to get for their main course, Wendy had to take her focus off of Atta and look up at the guy, “Oh, sure, I’ll get the bacon grilled cheese. I know it’s like the main thing everyone gets but who doesn’t like bacon, cheese and bread.” She then added as an aside, looking to Atta a bit sheepishly, “I mean, unless you’re like vegetarian which is totally cool.”

ATTA:

Yes, Atta was a vegetarian-- well, a pescaterian. Fish was a massive part of winter fairies’ diet as it was good protein that kept them warm. Still, she’d never had bacon before. Part of her was tempted to try it if only because Atta quite liked trying new things. But then she thought way too much about it and her stomach curled at the thought, and she better not after all. 

“I am, but I’ll take this comment as one of cultural importance to clumsies,” said Atta, really only half-teasing. “Cheese, bread, and bacon, an important part of your diet. I think my equivalent would...well, mostly be bread. I love bread.” 

The clumsy waiter cleared his throat.

“Oh! I forgot you were there,” said Atta, then blushed because she said that out loud. “I mean, um-- I’ll just-- do the stuffed pepper, thank you.” 

The waiter gathered their menus and left. Instantly, Atta scrunched her face as she watched him go. “Oh. I was enjoying reading that.” 

WENDY

Wendy chuckled, “I mean you’re not wrong. You’d definitely find like plenty of other people who would agree with me. Of course, unless they’re like lactose intolerant or gluten intolerant or like a vegan/vegetarian.” She leaned forward and whispered as an aside with a teasing grin, “I couldn’t imagine being any of those.”

“I mean, you cannot go wrong with bread. What’s your favorite? Do fairies have like magically baked bread? Is there like a traditional fairyloaf? Is it like nutbread?” She squinted a bit, wondering about it herself before continuing, “Also, fun thing about phones is that you can totally look at menus online and stuff so you can enjoy reading all the different restaurants in Swynlake and take your pick and not be like rushed when you get here to read the whole menu.”

It didn’t take too long for their waiter to return with the spinach puffs and she just sat up a bit and smiled a warm and charming smile before she said, “Could we like keep a menu at the table? Just in case we feel like ordering like dessert or another appetizer or something.” She was handed back a menu before the waiter walked off to check on another table, “Thanks much, dude.”

She turned back to Atta, looking at her over the steam of the spinach puffs, “Your reading material, m’lady, should you want it and get totally bored of my company.” She was teasing and just slid the menu along the side of the table to her before motioning for her to grab a spinach puff, “After you. First pick always goes to the cutest one at the table.”

ATTA:

Atta laughed as Wendy peppered her with bread-related questions, her eyes crinkling up. She liked that about Wendy-- she was quite forward, the opposite of Atta, and she never seemed to be bothered or embarrassed by anything. At this, that’s how she came across. Maybe she was spinning herself in circles on the inside, the way that Atta was doing--

Well, she wasn’t, actually. Not right now. Right now she was relaxed, her eyes bright, happy to be in this very strange place with all the new things to poke at and question. It didn’t make her nervous, not here. If she made a fool of herself (and she was certain she was), Wendy would only laugh with her. 

She reached for the spinach puff. “We don’t magically bake our bread by the way. It’s done very similarly to the way that clumsies do it-- with kneading and proofing and all that. I think the difference is very subtle. Kitchen-talents never use clocks for anything, you know, they simply know exactly when the bread is ready to go into the oven, and then when it’s ready to come out again. That’s the best part of a talent. The way it comes so naturally, like-- like taking a breath or fluttering your wings--” 

She took a bite out of the spinach puff and her eyes widened. “Mmm, this is great!” 

She instantly grabbed two more and put them on her small plate. 

WENDY

Wendy did internally feel a bit nervous whenever she made forward advances. But there was a thrill in it. An adventure in not knowing how it would land (and a bit anxiety as well, if she was honest, she wasn’t immune to anxious feelings despite her cool exterior) or what the person might do or say next. 

The redhead’s attention was on all of the information Atta was saying, but also very focused on the way her eyes smiled as she spoke about baking talents and the way she held up a spinach puff to her lips before taking a bite. 

Wendy could only laugh and grin happily at Atta’s reaction before joining in the meal herself. 

And so that’s how the evening went. The two of them at Chippamunka’s enjoying food and each other’s company while picking each other’s brains on their different cultures.

Wendy paid their bill and they walked out of the restaurant into the brisk air of the night, heading over towards Oaken’s so Wendy could show off her case. “I’m glad we got to do this.” She grinned over at the smaller girl, hands tucking into her pockets. “Happy that you yelled at me the first time we met.” 

ATTA:

Atta had never known how a date would go. She had plenty of data, of course. She listened to other fairies talk about their courtships and supported them with smiles and with questions. She liked hearing about such things because she liked to imagine how things would be like, though she knew that it wasn’t meant for her-- and that was alright. She never felt compelled into romance. She never fell for anyone. She was loved by the people who mattered most, her sister, her parents, Flik, her King-- 

But in this new life, the question of love existed behind a door, just cracked open. Maybe she wanted it only because of that curiosity. Maybe that was half of the reason she said yes.

But now she was here on this date and-- she was glad that she’d said yes. She felt like a different person next to Wendy Corduroy. And she liked that person. She thought that person could be happy.

And so her heart was beating rather quickly as they faced each other, Atta wondering what came next (but knowing...knowing because she’d heard the stories, but didn’t know, didn’t know if her story would go the same way…)

“I didn’t mean to yell at you!” Atta exclaimed now and laughed a bit shyly, red in the face again. “I don’t think it was a -- a yell persay anyway. You’ll know when I yell, trust me.” She was rambling a bit, because of those nerves. “I get a bit puffed up like a hedgehog. My hair gets crazy too. I was simply-- I was reprimanding. I’m very good at that. Being a big sister and all…” 

WENDY

The redhead had like an inkling of this date probably going well. It wasn’t that Wendy didn’t have a good time on dates, because usually she could make a good time out of anything, it was just the question of whether or not that good time would be as like friends or as like seal this date with a kiss kind of good time. 

And boy did Wendy want to kiss Atta. Really, half of what her brain had been focusing on was what Atta spoke and then the other half was about how Atta spoke. The ways she talked and her accent inflected with the curve of a lip or tongue. It was a good thing she had food to keep her busy in her moments or she’d just gawk at the fairy. 

Wendy just grinned at her, “I hope I’ll never have to find out.” She gave a bit of a wink as she jingled the key to Oaken’s she’d borrowed in her pocket as they got to the storefront. “At least not in that it would be directed at me. You might be a really cute hedgehog when your fury is directed towards someone else.”

They made it up to Oaken’s (it was a pretty short walk from the restaurant) and she quickly unlocked the door and let them in, flipping one light switch on just so they could get to the back. Afterall, she didn’t want people to start coming up and thinking that they were open while Wendy was showing Atta around. 

It was so quiet in the shop. No people. Just the smells of different woods around them, like being in a forest at night. “So, this is Oaken’s at night. Very rare sight for most people, but sometimes if I have a pretty big project I’ll spend a few hours at night trying to put some things in order. Oh, and like, gifts to friends. I’ve spent a couple evenings after hours working on your log case.” She was almost a bit bashful about it, it was like really admitting she had feelings or something enough to spend extra time to get something done off the clock. 

ATTA:

Atta knew that dates could end with kisses. 

She didn’t think that was where this was going to go. In fact, Atta was lost in the date now-- no more thinking about all the shoulds or what ifs or the stories from her friends. It was like she was back in the forest when she first met Wendy, and a silly little conversation about the rules of cutting (or not cutting) trees had become this whole long-winded back-and-forth of names and personal details. Thinking back on the meeting always made Atta laugh. She’d told Dot about it while giggling and blushing, though Dot hadn’t been as amused. But that was what Wendy did for Atta-- she made her laugh. She made her interested in things. She made her ask questions and see the clumsy world as something beautifully odd, instead of scary or dangerous.

No where was more beautifully odd than Wendy’s workshoppe either. She’d already been here once of course. When Atta stepped in now, she took a deep breath, nostrils tickled with all that fresh sawdust. It was night, of course, and the big space chilled easily, but something about the way wood smelled always made Atta feel warm. 

Or maybe it was just the bright lights that Wendy flicked on.

Or maybe it was Wendy grinning at her.

Whatever it was, Atta wandered in, let herself move slow and let her eyes linger on the workshoppe, now transformed in its quiet and solitude. She could take her time after all. She had nowhere to be. 

“That sounds a lot like me,” commented Atta quietly and she wandered up to Wendy’s side. She looked up and smiled. “I love working in the Tinker workshoppe at night, too. Though I don’t actually do much tinkering...I write out lists. Usually for what I’ll do the next day.” Atta’s eyes dropped. Her hand skimmed over the surface of the table she was standing in front of. “I know that sounds absurdly boring-- my sister, she always calls me boring. But I dunno, it makes me excited to wake up and get started.” 

WENDY

The redhead just stood there and watched Atta take in the workshoppe all over again. Normally, because she was working with tools and saws and all kind of dangerous things, she’d have all the lights on so really it was kind of a reflex that she’d turned them on and not left them like romanctically in the dark or something. The whole thing was kind of a hazard if you were trying to set a mood in here. But that’s what she had her other lights for, she’d get to those.

“Well, you know, I wouldn’t be anything without planning. Measure twice, cut once and all of that ya know?” She reached over for the notebook on the drafting table and pulled it out to show it off to Atta, getting even closer to her to flip through the pages. Schematics and numbers and drawings of wood pieces with the sketch of the case she’d made. There were lists too, of different hardware pieces she needed to order.  “You kinda can’t totally wing a piece of furniture. I mean, that’s why I whittle when I need to chill out, that’s just shaping wood, it’s not building or anything. It’s just carving away any which way your hands want to take you.” 

She glanced at Atta from looking at her notebook, eyes connecting with hers. And as much as she wanted to kiss her right now, it was not the correct moment, she still had things to do. “So, I’m gonna ask that you close your eyes for just a little bit. Gift giving is a total surprise after all.”

She meandered her way back towards the storage area where she kept pieces that had been nearly finished and almost ready to put out into the store and tugged the cloth she kept over it to make sure she didn’t scratch or get saw dust all over it. She lifted it up, it wasn’t too heavy, she had kind of designed it that way, but it was still big enough to hold the log so it wasn’t exactly the easiest piece to carry, especially with its doors and drawers. 

She set the piece down gently in front of Atta and reached over to shut the lights off again, but this time, she leaned down and plugged in the strings of twinkling lights she’d hung around the workshoppe so she’d still be able to see the case but it’d be more like magical. 

She looked at the case and smiled at her handiwork, fairly proud of it. Just as she’d said she would make it. It was one solid medium sized piece with a glass door on it and shelves that could be removed so that a stand of some sort could be placed inside it to hold the log. It was made of oak wood that she’d gotten from the forest here (It had a drawer on the bottom as well, just because she couldn’t forsake all functionality and make it just a display case). Oak meant strength and knowledge, things she felt would be good to surround Atta’s white fir with. To protect it with. There were little patterns of leaves and flowers carved into the top surface of it as well, ones Atta had mentioned to her in their texts.

She tucked her hands into her pockets and just stood a bit away from the case, grinning a bit sheepishly, “Okay, you can look now.”

ATTA:

Oh, yes. Closing her eyes.

She did not know why she immediately got nervous. There was no reason for it here. In this shoppe, Atta felt...not just safe but-- closer to home than she had in many weeks. She loved the tinker workshoppe in the Hollow of course, but she knew that she did not belong there. She couldn’t get lost in any of the tiny projects, for there was always a voice in the back of her mind that told Atta she was going to get found out, that she should never have lied, that she was doing everything, all this tinkering, all wrong, just as she’d done her royalty duties all wrong…

But here, she was just Atta. Wendy knew nothing of talents. She did not look at Atta and see all the things that she wasn’t. Atta hoped that Wendy looked at her and saw… 

Well, she didn’t know, actually, what she wanted Wendy to think of her. She just wanted Wendy to think of her at all. And that was why she was nervous. 

And so as she closed her eyes, she couldn’t help but listen-- to strain her ears for every shuffle of Wendy’s feet, the creaking of doors, anything. She heard as Wendy went away and as she came back again. And she felt her when she was close...as if Wendy really was a wind, a gentle one, fluttering through Atta’s hair. 

“Okay you can look now.”

Atta opened her eyes at once. 

She didn’t see the case first. The warm hanging lights caught her attention first. Her mouth opened, and she looked around at them. “They’re fairy lights!” she exclaimed in her surprise-- but of course they weren’t. They did not float on their own, but rather hung in strings. “Oh, or not, I thought....” 

And then her eyes dropped to what she actually should be looking at and her breath caught in her throat.

She did not say anything at first. Instead, Atta reached out and her hand hovered around the corners, where there were beautifully carved embellishments. She took another step toward it, but still did not dare to touch it, as if it was made out of something fragile. But she knew that it was oak; of course she knew. And so she knew that it was a strong wood that would protect her fir no matter the weather.

She looked up at Wendy, tiny tears shining in her eyes that reflected the lights. “It’s so beautiful,” she whispered. She didn’t know why she whispered when no one else was here but…

This entire night felt like a secret. She wanted to hold it close and share it with no one. 

“Thank you,” she said. “Every time I see it, I’ll think of you.” 

WENDY

The redhead chuckled a bit as she commented on the lights, looking up at them and scratching her head a bit, “Well, I guess they’re fairy lights for non-fairies. Kind of the best we’ve got.” 

Wendy watched as Atta took in the case, her eyes tracing along what the woodworker had spent hours sanding and carving and staining, nurturing the case from a very heavy slab of oak wood to a piece just enough for the girl next to her. 

Atta didn’t really say anything at first to Wendy filled in the space sort of talking half to herself really because Atta was more focused on the piece in front of her as Wendy’s heart like hammered into her rib cage, “Yeah, I mean I know it’s a bit big now that I’m kind of looking at you standing next to it and I’ll probably have to deliver it out to like the edge of the forest. I don’t know if I’m like allowed to do deliveries or anything to the Hollow itself, but maybe that Sled guy who’s helped you at the shoppe that you’ve talked about can help you move it into your place--”

And then Atta spoke and Wendy shut up immediately, biting on her lip and a sheepish sort of grin appearing on her face, “I, um, well, I’m glad you like it.” She didn’t know why the whisper of the words made her heart feel a weird pain or why it sent a kind of chill through her. 

She shrugged one shoulder, “I wanted to make something that was strong, but not something that was rough or hard or bulky. Something that would protect but wouldn’t suffocate it. It wasn’t something that I wanted to stand out over the fir either, because the whole point is to show it off. So I figured the oak would do the trick.”

Wendy didn’t really get nervous when she was flirting with someone. It was a game at that point. But this wasn’t a game. There wasn’t a score to keep track of and no one was counting points. Wendy hadn’t done this to earn anything but the smile and, well she guessed, the small tears in Atta’s eyes. 

Wendy stepped forward, a small smile on her face as she stood next to Atta, “I just hope you don’t cry every time you think of me.” It was a small joke, but the air between them wasn’t diffused by the humor because the minute Wendy stepped closer, she didn’t want to move away and she wouldn’t. Her hand moved to take Atta’s, squeezing it gently. Her hands seemed so small compared to hers, not as rough or anything like that, her eyes looked down into glistening ones, “You know, if you’re thinking about giving me a case back. I don’t really need one. I think about you plenty without one.” 

And then Wendy leaned down and pressed her lips to Atta’s.

ATTA: 

Wendy stepped closer.

Wendy took her hand.

And Atta felt-- that she was big and small all at once, both the tree and the flower upon its branch. She had never felt such things before. She was born important, born with a magic so rare that to realize its true beauty one must wait a lifetime to see it flourish. Because of that, she’d always been small to herself, just a seedling, and a shy one. As the princess of the Orkney Hollow, she felt she would never grow. She would stay this tiny thing forever.

But Wendy looked at her like she’d already bloomed. 

“Oh,” she murmured, her cheeks blushing, her eyes shining. Her hand clenched a little in Wendy’s and she nearly pulled away as Wendy leaned down--

I shouldn’t, she thought, but didn’t move. 

Why shouldn’t she? Why hide herself anymore? Here, she could be herself.

And so Wendy kissed her. 

It was Atta’s first kiss. She didn’t really know what to do with it, this strange press of lips, wet and warm against her own. She’d read of great romances and heard stories from her friends, and so she could describe a kiss in perfect, accurate detail. But describing a kiss as if it were a thing to study was not the same thing as experiencing it. All those stories washed away. Oh, she thought again, her eyes wide open so she could see Wendy’s face against her own and count her eyelashes, if she wanted.

This whole time, you know, she had thought of Wendy like a tree-- tall, strong, steady, beautiful. Up close, her eyelashes were the softest things about her. They made Atta wonder about the rest of Wendy. What had she missed, standing just a metre away, that she could now see with fresh eyes up close? 

And what could she see if she closed her eyes?

Atta did then. They fluttered closed and she pressed back against Wendy. Her hand went to one of Wendy’s arms. Their lips fluttered against each other, gently, like butterfly wings. It was a simple, soft kiss and it ended in a few seconds. But when it did, Atta thought she would love to do that again. 

She was blushing bright red, absolutely. “Was that okay?” she blurted, very embarrassingly. “I’ve never done that before.” 

WENDY

The kiss was good. It wasn’t by any means the most passionate kiss Wendy had been part of. It wasn’t full of want. It was just nice and sort of made Wendy feel a little floaty like she’d grown her own pair of fairy wings by kissing Atta. 

It was so soft that Wendy wanted to do it again almost immediately but at Atta’s words she realized that she had to handle this a little more delicately than the last few she’d had. She honestly hadn’t expected this to be Atta’s first, but she was glad she’d gone to all this effort to make it sort of special without really knowing it. She looked at Atta, a small smile on her face as she tucked Atta’s hair behind her ears while looking down at her, her arm tingling where Atta’s hand pressed up against the fabric of her long sleeves. 

She was fucking cute when she was all red wasn’t she?

“Yeah, it was good.” Wendy murmured out, hand slipping along the small of Atta’s back. The truth was that Wendy liked the idea of being Atta’s first kiss. And her second and third and whatever beyond that that this could develop into. “I’ll, uh, let you in on a little tip. It gets even better the more you do it.” The corner of her mouth turned up a bit in a smirk as she leaned down and pressed another soft kiss to Atta’s lips, dragging the kiss out slowly, letting their lips move against each other with the only sound of their breaths in between the parting of their mouths. Her hand cupped Atta’s cheek with a very light touch before her fingers found themselves in blonde tresses during the kiss.

As they parted again, Wendy’s grin only widened as her eyes opened once more, “See? You’ll be an expert in no time. Captain of kissing talents.”

#attendy #para #i think girls r the best and this whole thing was heart fluttering

[ellaintrigue]

Look at me trying to catch feelings like a dumbass...

Amazingly, as much as I've been through with men, I'm still hoping to find a connection one day. For the most part I don't try too hard and enjoy talking to multiple men on sites like Badoo. It's fun and helps pass the time. So 4 days ago I matched with a guy from DC on there and he seemed hippy and artsy like me so we had a lot in common.

He was clean (no jail swag) and attractive so I felt he was a good bet even though I still love my bad boys. It isn't always about finding something wild and fun, it's about who is stable and wholesome. He said he definitely wanted to meet and I felt enthused but suggested we talk longer. He showed me his dog, we talked about the current global situation, hobbies, interests, and he told me what he did for work (bakery) and I told him I was doing customer service and striving for more. Then it felt like he slapped me across the face.

The first time a man slapped me across the face I was shocked, humiliated, and instantly felt unsafe when I had felt safe a moment ago. It's not a good feeling. Fortunately no one hit me this time but my new crush had work suggestions for me after I said I was trying to rebuild my career life: "you should be a cam girl, you have the looks for it, or find other ways to sell yourself!!"

In that moment, I felt hurt. I felt degraded. And every time a man does something to make me lose my trust it feels like it piles onto the ghosting, stealing, leading on, emotional betrayal, stalking, and assault that so many others have put me through. Which is a fucked up feeling that I could probably only get past with like 50 years of counseling.

"But you support the adult industry already," said one of my friends when I told him. Yes, of course I do. There are plenty of college girls doing camming and stripping to make money. There are interactions where women get paid for sex and no one gets hurt. But it isn't for me. And the problem is that this guy isn't the first dude to say this stupid shit to me!

I don't want men to give me money, I don't beg for help, and I don't come off desperate for work or like I'm fucked up when talking to new men. People like to slut shame me for doing pinup modeling but that ain't even on dating sites. Face and body, fully clothed. There is no reason to assume I'm an exhibitionist. I even thought about my heavy makeup but even Church ladies do that shit. There's a mutual friend between my mom and one her friends on FaceBook with heavy dark eyeliner, long mascara, huge swipes of eye shadow and thick plump hot pink lips and bleach blonde hair. And she is the biggest Bible thumping bitch out there, she told me I would burn in hell for being pro-choice once (I seriously need to get paid every time a conservative wishes me harm over my opinions so I can fucking retire). No one is going to tell that woman to hook or cam, a lot of women wear makeup.

Despite all of this, when I am talking to people on social media or new men, there is a literal fucking % of folks that tell me to strip off or sell myself when I mention I'm in between careers. I don't get defensive although I know I'm done with the person in a few minutes, but I say it's not for me. Then they usually ask me why I'm not comfortable with myself or my body (I swear these guys are their own cliche). At that point I ask them if they would tell their mom, sisters, or if they have young children, their daughters, to strip or hook and they usually get mad and block me.

I asked this attractive curly-haired guy I talk to daily if he felt it was wrong for people to suggest sex work to me at random and he said, "I think it is. If you don't choose sex work on your own, you sure as shit don’t need someone to tell you to do it." That validated my feelings a little, as I asked him after the DC guy made me feel like dirt. I wasn't sitting there like "wah, why are people mean to me," but seriously, why can't people just be respectful? If a man asked me for job ideas I wouldn't tell him to clean porta potties for a living (although that is good money).

None of my cherished thuggies would tell me to go hook! That's because those guys grew up around drugs, hard lifestyles and seeing women hook out of desperation and get hurt on the street. And that's the problem with the other guys I talk to that suggest this nonsense: they lack life experience and think every girl is going to do the shit they see on Pornhub. College kids, white-collar, geeks, and the other non-streetwise yuppies are sitting there with sex floating around in their heads and saying the first thing they think to women they try to date, then wonder why women don't respect them.

Now, forget the fact I'm not interested in masturbating on camera for random strangers, let's look at the big picture. Camming may not seem very sordid but I have to look at cam girls sometimes, and also deal with prostitutes to an extent in my online dealings.

Sure, you got the hot 20 year old college chick on cam sites but then you got a 50 year old woman the next screen over. She is pretty yet haggard and sits there fingering herself for... hours. Camming is generally low paying and the men are incredibly rude. So this woman sits there literally looking bored and she's clearly dry, but she does it so she can get a check. There are wild chicks that like to be seen, but let's face it: a lot of women are doing it out of desperation. For every 500 gawking guys roaring "THIS IS SO HOT" are 500 women trying to make ends meet and putting on fake smiles for hornballs for a few bucks.

Then let us not ignore that a lot of people in the sex trade have low inhibitions from being sexually abused as children. It's just a theme I've been well aware of over the years. Sometimes it borders on self-destructive behavior mixed with drugs and extreme promiscuity. The jittery "whore" standing on the outside of town? Maybe her stepfather raped the fuck out of her over and over, no one did anything, and now she just feels really fucked in the head and needs an escape. Judge not.

A lot of cam girls and other digital sex industry workers are strippers and hookers, I guess that goes without saying. But it is just one more thing they're doing for their pimp. Pimps aren't always bad, you usually need one to make sure you don't get raped or beaten. Of course there are plenty that basically enslave you and will rape and beat you too.

I have had to deal with a handful of pimps in my online dealings as well. They aren't scary looking black men in fluffy purple suits, the majority are female and they are often strict people with a vibe of unpleasantness that skirt lesser regulated online adult industries. One was dealing out some shit with a vague reference to children and I ran like hell. Throughout the rural USA South there is a lot of prostitution and child exploitation.

The main theme of what I see in my digital exploring is a fuckton of porn. Many a pretty blonde, of course, but then we go right back to women down on their luck. There are tons of scars and I can't tell if they are from childbirth procedures and complications or worse things. One woman had a missing breast but I knew that was from cancer. Many women are 50+ with the flash of a shitty camera giving them eerie red eyes and so many look sad.

Everyone is horny and wants to have fun in this life, it's human nature and something I as well crave. But it will be with a man that respects me, not one that tells me I should sell my vagina. And while there are women that love doing porn, getting paid for sex and showing off, there are plenty that don't. There are so many women that are desperate for money, that have been abused and don't even know what it's like to be loved, and are trapped into a vicious loop of a lifestyle that they will never escape from.

Or I can dumb it down this way: if you wouldn't masturbate online to an insulting crowd of foreign guys or allow yourself to be penetrated by multiple strangers for money then definitely don't suggest it for someone else to do.

[thatonegirrl16]

Helloooooo! So I know I haven’t posted any of my writing in forever, but I’ve been working on this piece for a few months now, and I’m very proud of it! If you’d like to read it, you can click the keep reading button thingy and let me know what you think! It’s completely original, not a fanfic or anything, but I wanted to post it anyway lol.

WARNING:

This story gets...well it goes into some deep shit, not gonna lie. If you are sensitive to any of the following, please don’t read it! 

This story contains:

Mentions of previous death Depression Anxiety Sexual Harassment  Implication of self harm

I know that’s a lot but that’s why I’m telling you upfront. But, I still am proud of it and would like your opinion on it if you don’t mind!

Stars

           The stench of nail polish wafts through the air as I gently paint my final nail. I screw the cap back on, careful to not smudge any of my now flawless rosy-pink nails, and study each of them carefully. “Perfect,” I think to myself. I wave my hands around to dry them, and hear my phone buzz behind me.  I turn around and lean over the screen, being careful to not smudge my nails. I notice it’s from one of the girls in the group chat I have with my friends, saying they’re waiting for me down in the lobby. I let out a sigh. They all wanted to go to a party tonight, which means that, by default, I’m going too.

           I give my nails one last wave, then stand up to check in the mirror. I study my reflection, for once feeling confident about my appearance. I decided to wear my waist-long chocolatey brown hair in loose curls, my personal favorite way to style it. My pink nails match my soft loose shirt perfectly, which is lightly tucked into a pair of high waist denim shorts. I slip in a pair of gold hoop earrings and put on my light brown sandals, the ones with just a little bit of a heal to hide that fact that I’m only 5’4”. I look in the mirror and decide my pink lipstick is too bold, so I change it to a glossy nude. I touch up my winged-eyeliner and mascara, then step back one last time to make sure everything looks in place.

            I make eye-contact with my reflection, and pause as I stare into her bright green eyes. On the outside, everything seems perfect, like nothing could get in her way. But her eyes—they tell the real story.

           I shut my eyes, not wanting to look at that broken piece of myself anymore. But it’s too late, I realize, as the memories start flooding back to me.

           …

           I’m in ninth grade again. The pain of the loss of my dad is fresh, clawing at my chest and not letting me go.

           My dad. The one person in my life that no one could ever replace. The one I knew I could look up to. He brought me so much joy, so much laughter. He was the one I went to when I needed comfort, the one I went to when I needed to talk. He was always there for me. Then he was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer, and died a month and a half later.

           It was like the flame inside of me was smothered, leaving nothing but a dark and cold husk of what I once was.

           I can’t even remember a day where I didn’t think of my dad since he died. We had such a great relationship, the type that other people would envy if they saw us together. We would laugh at each other’s jokes and tease each other all the time. And then, he was gone. Just like that. I never had time to process what was happening—the last few weeks went by so fast.

           My mom never really recovered either. She took to solitude after he died, which meant I had no one to comfort me when I needed someone most. I was alone—I had no one who cared.

…

           A knock on the door to my dorm room snaps me to reality, making me jump. I look back into the mirror and realize a few tears have slipped onto my cheeks.

           “Hey Amy! You ready baby girl?” a muffled voice says from the other side of the door.

           I brush away the tears and quickly pull myself together best I can so Bryan doesn’t notice anything’s wrong.

           “Coming!” I grab my purse and rush over to the door. I open it and see Bryan standing in the hallway, leaning up against the doorframe.

           “What took you so long Amy baby?”

           I wish he didn’t use such derogative terms when talking to me. I know it’s his way of flirting, but secretly I hate it. But how could I tell him? He’s just trying to show affection, I think.

           I try to sound nonchalant in my response.

           “Let’s go. We’re gonna be late!”

           By the time we get down the three flights of stairs and to the lobby, I’m feeling a little better, the rush of emotions having passed. I see the rest of our friends, Manda, Kris and Sam, who are all talking and laughing as we arrive.

           Sam. My absolute best friend in the entire world. Sam is the reason I’m still alive, to be honest. About a month after my dad passed away, I found Sam. They didn’t care that I was broken. Instead, they comforted me in my time of need.

           Yes, they. I learned that, at the same time I was struggling with the loss of my dad, Sam was going through their own struggles as well. At the time I met Sam, they had just adopted the term nonbinary to define themselves, deciding that they didn’t want to identify as either a boy or girl. But Sam knew that those around them wouldn’t accept that, so they felt trapped, unable to be the person they wanted to be. To this day, I’m still the only one that knows this.

           We found each other at our lowest point, the weight of depression having taken over long ago. We both felt like we could trust the other, the feeling of loneliness fading just a bit knowing that the other was struggling as well. We feel safe around each other—nothing has to be an act when it’s just the two of us, unlike with the rest of the world.

           As soon as Sam sees me, they tear away from the group and tackle me in a hug. I let out a yelp and can’t help but laugh a little, hugging them back. Manda walks over to us shaking her head and laughing.

           “Okay you two. Let’s head out.”

           Everyone except Sam and me hustles towards the door, leaving the two of us to talk privately. We tread behind the rest of the group, and Sam glances over at me.

           “You doing okay?” they ask.

           I smile up at them. “I’m okay.”

           They shake their head in response, and I let out a sigh. They know me too well.

           I sigh. “Okay fine. Honestly, I wish we weren’t going. I…I don’t know. ”

           Sam looks down at me and pats my back reassuringly.

           “I’d don’t wanna go either if we’re both being honest. But maybe it won’t be so bad?”

           I look up at them and shrug. “I doubt it, but okay.”

           They chuckle, but I can tell that their heart isn’t really in it. It’s true—neither of us want to go. But this the first time in years that Sam and I have been even somewhat accepted into any sort of friend group. We’d hate to ruin it over something as small as a college party.

           We get to the car and I hop in the backseat. Kris is driving, with Bryan sitting next to him. Manda is squished in between Sam and me, since she’s the smallest out of all of us. The two guys up front start up a conversation, along with Sam and Manda, so I look out the window and watch all the trees and buildings whiz past us as we drive away.

           I glance up at the stars, wishing the city would go dark so I could actually see them all. The stars have always been mesmerizing to me, ever since my dad started teaching me all about them when I was little. I always feel safer when I look up at them, in a way. No matter what’s going on around me, I know that at night the stars are always there, never changing. I can’t help but smile when I see them. The stars are so beautiful, and always hold some of the best memories with my dad.

           We pull up to the party and I see it is already in full swing. My smile fades, remembering why I’m out tonight. I take a deep breath and open the car door. I immediately feel the music pumping through my chest even though we’re not even inside yet. Bryan lets out a yell and jogs up to the house. The rest of us head up as well, even though every one of my muscles is telling me not to. I feel a tightness rise up in my chest, and my eyes start stinging. I feel my chest rise and fall, faster and faster and faster. I glance over at Sam. They see me panicking and demonstrate taking a big breath in and out. I gently nod and focus on my breathing. Deep breath in…and out…in…and out.

           I feel a little bit calmer by the time we reach the door, which is wide open. The music is now even louder, making my head pound. The lights are dim and someone set up colorful lights throughout the room. I see about fifty college-aged kids just in this one room, blue solo cups in hand filled with their intoxicating substances. A group of girls are sitting in one corner vaping. I make a mental note to avoid that section of the room.

           Someone offers me a cup of mysterious brown liquid, but I shake my head and pull a bottle of water out of my purse. Honestly, it’s best if you bring your own drinks to these types of events.

           I look around and notice that all my friends except for Bryan have disappeared into the crowd, including Sam. I sigh and walk up to where Bryan has already joined a game of beer pong. I stand beside the table and watch. His opponent is clearly winning, though Bryan doesn’t seem to mind one bit. Every time one of them makes the little ball in a cup, the crowd around them cheers and starts yelling. Bryan chugs a cup of watery beer and yells with them, while I try to make myself smaller and stay out of the way.

           Bryan holds the ball, taking aim. He makes eye-contact with me and winks.

           “This one’s for you baby girl!”

           I cross my arms and give him a playful smirk, even though my heart isn’t fully in it.

           He tosses the ball, and it sails right into the cup, causing an eruption of yelps around me. I slink back and try to stay out of the way, when I feel a hand touch the small of my back. I glance back and notice a tall, blond headed guy smiling down at me.

           “Hey, might wanna watch out there. You could get hurt.”

           He winks at me and slowly slides his hand downward, but I swat it away and quickly rush over to Bryan. I wrap my arms around him, and he puts one arm over my shoulder.

           “This guy is going down, Amy, just you wait!”

           I quickly glance over at the blond-headed kid, who’s smiling at me. It’s not uncommon for guys to hit on me at these types of events, but this guy gives me chills.

           As the night goes on, I try my hardest to stay as close to Bryan as I can. But as time passes, he becomes more and more drunk, and less and less aware of me. After being there for God knows how long, I decide to step outside for a bit. There’s too many people in here, a large majority of them drunk. I walk out of the kitchen, where Bryan is fixing himself yet another drink, and find myself in an empty hallway. The lights are dim, and the music is just a little bit quieter. I find it a little strange that no one is here, but I keep walking, determined to escape the suffocating house. I turn the corner and bump into someone, spilling my second water bottle of the night all over the two of us.

           “Sorry,” I mutter and try to step out of the way. But the guy in front of me blocks my path. He grins down at me.

           “Oh, my bad,” he sneers. My eyes grow wide, realizing that this is the creep from earlier. Except now, he’s almost as drunk as Bryan. I quickly try to duck around him, not wanting to start any trouble. He grabs my arm, holding me back.

           “Let go of me!” I yell. But instead, I feel myself being dragged into a small, dark room and shoved against a wall. The guy grabs both of my tiny wrists with one of his sweaty, meaty hands and pins them above my head. His face grows closer to mine, and I can smell this sickly scent of cheap beer from his breath. I feel him grab my breast, and feel adrenaline pumping through me. I scream and kick him in the shin, sending his drunk self off balance and giving me an opportunity to run. I dash out of the room and slam the door behind me, sprinting back to the kitchen to find Bryan.

           “Bryan. I need to leave. Now.”

           He snickers. “C’mon baby girl, this party is fucking lit. Don’t ruin the fun.”

           I feel a tear slip down my cheek.

           “Bryan, please. You don’t understand. I need to go back now!”

           He laughs at something his friend says and half-heartedly shoves me away.

           “Go find Kris or something.”

           Frustrated and hurt, I bolt outside. I see Manda and Kris laughing with a bunch of other people and run over to them.

           “Guys, I need to go. Please.”

           Manda turns around and looks me up and down.

           “What’s wrong?”

           Another tear falls down my face. Then another.

           “S-some guy g-grabbed me and…and put me against a wall a-and touched me an-”

           Manda cuts me off. “Amy c’mon. He was just hitting on you, stop overreacting! It’s a party! Live a little.”

           Kris, who must’ve overheard me yelling, joins the conversation. “I mean, you were kinda asking for it. That is a pretty low-cut shirt you’re wearing! Like damn, girl!” Kris starts laughing and Manda joins him, turning their attention away from me.

           I start crying even harder, and quickly shield my face and walk towards the car. I didn’t even want to come to this stupid party, and now my friends are acting like complete jerks.

I glance up to the sky in desperation, but all I see are clouds. Not even the stars are there for me this time.

           I slump against the car with my knees up to my chest, and sit in silence, watching the chaos of the party from the safety of the car.

           How could I let that guy harass me like that? I should’ve said something the first time, should’ve told someone or something! But I was a coward, running to my fucking boyfriend to protect me.

           Was Kris right? Was it because of my shirt? I shake my head in an attempt to rid myself of my thoughts and put my head in my heads.

           Why do I even hang out with those guys anyway? Manda, Kris, even Bryan. I can’t be myself around them, can’t go to them when I’m hurting. I just wanted to fit in somewhere. I’ve gone so long having to deal with being the outcast, with being the one that no one wants to hang around, except for Sam. Manda, Bryan, Kris…they’ll never truly accept us, not for who we really are. They just seem like they have everything all together, unlike Sam and me. We’re broken, they’re not.

           But I don’t know what else to do.

           I feel the tears start to flow again. Why is my life such a mess? What did I do to deserve this? I want nothing more in life for this… this pain to go away. But for the past six years, it’s managed to find me again and again. I can’t escape.

           I feel my fingernails dig into my calves. It hurts, but I can’t stop. The tears flow harder and harder. I can’t stop them. My chest is rising and falling quickly, and I can’t catch my breath. My hands slip off my legs, and I wrap my arms around myself. I cry out in a whisper the only person I can think of who could help me.

           Dad.

           Why did he have to leave? Why did he have to die? He was my lifeline, the only one who could ground me in times like this. I have Sam now, but Sam will never replace Dad.

           I miss him. I miss him so much. I feel the sobs continue to wrack my body, painful sobs. I want nothing more than the pain in my life to stop.

           I don’t know how long I sit there crying. But I finally manage to calm down enough to breathe. I close my eyes and focus on calming down.

           Breathe in.

           And.

           Out…

           I open my eyes and stand up. It’s like I’m on autopilot—unsure of where I’m going. I start walking back towards the house, not sure of what I’m doing.

           I notice Sam standing at the foot of the driveway, and I immediately turn and start walking towards them.

           “Amy?”

           “Hey Sam.”

           I walk up next to them and plaster a fake smile on my face, just wanting to forget everything happened.

           “What’s up? Why aren’t you inside?” I ask, trying to keep the conversation casual.

           “I just needed some air, plus I just wasn’t having a great time,” they say.

           “Yeah?”

           “Yeah. The guys in there kept calling me ‘man’ and ‘dude’. Which like, I get it. They don’t know about, well my identity I guess. I can’t expect them to know better. But it still makes me uncomfortable every time. Brings me down, you know?”

           I nod, trying my best to hide my true feelings. But Sam knows me better.

           “Amy, what’s wrong?”

           Immediately I break down in tears, unable to hold them back any longer. The words flow out of me, almost without permission, as I begin to tell Sam everything that went down that night. They reach over and embrace me, and I sob into their shoulder, grateful for the comfort. I let go after several minutes and wipe my nose with the collar of my shirt.

           Sam looks at me with a worried and caring expression.

           “Amy, do you want me to call someone? The cops, your mom, anyone?”

           My eyes widen.

           “Please, Sam. Don’t call anyone. I-I don’t know if I could handle it. It’s my fault anyway. I should’ve said something when it happened. I-”

           Sam grabs my shoulders.

           “Amy. You are not allowed to blame yourself for this, okay? That guy is an ass who should not have done that. I think we should tell someone.”

           I shake my head.

           “No…please, Sam. I can’t. I can’t deal with that.”

           Sam looks at me for a few moments, then lets out a sigh.

           “Okay. But please, Amy this isn’t your fault. Whatsoever.”

           We sit in silence for a moment. Sam reaches over and gives me another hug, and I hug them back. I manage to stop crying, and I take a deep breath and close my eyes, feeling the warmth of my best friend embrace me.

           After several minutes, Sam pulls away and looks at me.

           They break the silence. “People are cruel.”

           I nod. “People are cruel.”

           I let a small smile escape my lips.

           “Sam?”

           “Yeah?”

           “Thanks.”

           “For what?”

           “For being you. And being there for me.”

…

           We hop into our Uber and start heading back home. I’m glad Sam suggested that we go ahead and call one, since neither of us wanted to be there anyway.

           I speak up. “Remind me why we both went to that party again?”

           “Cause we’re stupid.”

           “True. But really. Why do we do these things that we don’t want to?”

           They think for a second. “To impress the others? To show them that we’re just like them? I dunno.”

           I lean back against the seat. They’re not far off actually, now that I really think about it. We want to be like them, like the unbroken.

           But in reality, they’re broken too, in their own way. We all are. Everyone is broken; everyone has a story that has made them into who they are, and not all of it has been easy. Some just seem to hide their broken parts better than others.

           I look out the window of the car, seeing the trees and buildings fly past us once again. I glance up at the sky and feel a smile creep across my face. The clouds are gone, and the stars are out once again.

#my writings #stars #death #self harm #depression #anxiety #sexualharassment

[espships]

Kpop Ship for taemingguk

Hello my sweet child @taemingguk !! I’m so excited and happy you sent in a request (although I pestered you to do it lol) !! You’re one of my close friends, and I know you’re going to be all blushy and cute after this, and I’m so excited for you to read your ship! 

I know ya pretty dang good, and I took this traits from your personality to help me out: 

You’re 5′9, you are mixed, with naturally curly hair which you straighten when your curly hair is beautiful, love yourself PLS

You’re a big introvert, but you’ve come out of your shell a lot 

You are very intellectual and you’re a critical thinker

Very smart in my opinion 

You have your hyper maknae moments

Mature mindset

A good temper

Creative: writing and art (drawing and on the computer)

Does not do well under pressure or a lot of stress

Mandatory healing time

Loyal but will stray if betrayed 

Will need motivation sometimes

Pays attention to detail

Can be very worrisome

Kind hearted

Good mental strength

From your request, you have asked me to ship you with B.A.P, BTS, Topp Dogg, and VIXX! You also told me to disregard biases, but I will do my best to do that lol. I hope you enjoy as much as I’m going to, so let’s get into it!

P.S. This lovely lady is the brains behind the header to this blog, so if everyone can give her an around of applause, she deserves it!! <3

B.A.P: Yongguk

I know you said to disregard your biases, but Yongguk is the best member to ship you with in my opinion! Lemme talk about some visuals for 2.5. You know you can envision some idols with a type of girl? Well, I can envision Yongguk with a tall girlfriend, and girl you fit the description perfectly. Along with natural aesthetics, I love imaging you two together in a shop somewhere or sitting at home on the couch with your legs over his while you’re watching TV. Moving right along, you and Yongguk make each other smile and giggle all the time like nobodies business. Whether you’re being weird or he is being weird, you two can hit that soft teddy bear spot on each other and you’re always happy and smiley! Along with making each other giggle and smile, you two balance each other and bring out the light hearted feelings in each other. You help Yongguk smile a little more, and you smile a lot more as well. One thing you really love about each other is how you two boost each others self-love and feeling of self-worth. I know how much you love Yongguk, and I know for a damn fact you’d tell him how much you love him when we talk about him. And you are also very insecure about yourself when you are !!BEAUTIFUL!! and Yongguk would let you know how beautiful you are everyday, and he would always tell you how important you are to the world, and why you matter. His praises and compliments always puts a smile on your face, and neither I or Yongguk is able to tell you how much it means to him kill me I’m soft. Another thing that Yongguk is good at is helping you out through stressful times. You’re going to hear healing time a lot in all your ships because it is important you get your healing time from long periods of stress such as from your family or school. If you’d be sitting at your laptop on the verge of a breakdown over a photoshop project you can’t finish, Yongguk would gently take the laptop away, give you one of his sweaters the black and white stripped one, you know the one and he’ll turn on Netflix and you’ll watch some reruns of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and Yongguk will not rest until the tension is erased from your shoulders, and you’re smiling again. Then I can TOTALLY see you two in his studio and you help him write lyrics and come up with different concepts for his solo work, and as if it wasn’t an option, there are some songs dedicated to you. There is mild PDA between you two since you prefer to keep the affection in a more private setting. Date nights are very fluffy and simple, but on occasion you two will go out and he’ll splurge on a fancy dinner. He likes to surprise you with small presents every now and then with small things you like to remind you that he pays attention to what you like. 

BTS: Jungkook 

I was conflicted over who I should ship you with, which it was in between Tae and Jungkook. I still really do ship you with Tae, but as you’ve matured I do ship you more with Jungkook! My first reason being is video and picture edit dates! You two sitting on the couch, in sweats with your laptops and you work on editing pictures for school and he edits his little videos. It’s the perfect way to spend some time together and be productive at the same time. Then every once in a while when you get inspiration to draw, you use him as your muse. You’re also an extremely cute gaming couple *cough* overwatch. Jungkook is very soft for you whether he wants to admit it or not. Jungkook can talk to you about anything no matter how weird or serious the topic may be. He also loves for you to play with his hair and baby him slightly. You two are also one of those couples that will be awkward with each other, but it’s a comfortable awkward, I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s there. Then you’re at the mall one day and you two see a shirt that is made for men and women, and you say “why not?” and get the shirt. And even though Jungkook is soft for you, he is very protective and possessive over you. We’ve all seen how he gets when the hyungs mess with him, and I can see him wrapping his arm around your waist securely to keep you close to him in a crowd, and attempting to be dominant. And then you’re like “boy who the f are you?” when you get to the dorm and he’s being a hyper little shit on V-Live. And when he isn't being dominant in public, he loves to shower you in PDA because he loves to see you blush. And he’ll pick you up from class like “hey babe” and you’re a happy mess and he loves to see you be all fluffy and mushy. A lot of language and Netflix dates with pizza, and you also sleep a LOT. Sleep is key to your relationship because if you two don’t have enough sleep, you’ll be grumpy and tease each other. 

Topp Dogg: Hojoon 

I took ot12 TP into consideration for this, but the more I thought about it, I do ship you with Hojoon more than I thought I would! Starting with a visual, similar to Yongguk that I think he would have a tall girlfriend, I can see Hojoon having a mixed girlfriend, and you're perfect for it! Moving right along, you two are good counter parts to each other. From many many experiences, you’re a weirdo with your friends. Hojoon will bring out the weird in you, and you’ll bring the tame to him. When you’re in public you’re either smiling like cuties or putting on your poker face for the camera’s. I can see Hojoon being very cute and sweet with his PDA, which he’ll be goofy too and you’ll be giggly and soft in public. He’ll also be protective over you since you do get a little nervous and anxious, and he wants to be able to guide you through a crowd and make sure you’re okay. And after being a big crowd or if you’re in any sort of distress, he’ll take a day off and plan a healing day that’s catered just for you. He spoils you and keeps the air free of any toxic energy and you both end up falling asleep on the couch while cuddling. It would become a lowkey precedent where you two would pick out outfits for each other since Hojoon likes to play around with fashion, and it’d only be fair if you got to join in. And you two will try to help keep each other organized by like trying to keep lists of errands and tasks you need to finish. This process would work for like a week, but the week would get so hectic to the point where he’d find the paper under a bunch of stuff on the kitchen table and he’d be like “we forgot to keep track of this.” And one thing that you love about Hojoon is that he ALWAYS has something new to get into. Whether it’d be going to another city, a new restaurant, or trying out a new activity that’s going on in town, there is always something new and adventurous, there is never a dull moment between you and Hojoon.

VIXX: Leo

Again, I tried to stray away from choosing your bias, but I just can’t help myselffffff. I could ship you with Hakyeon, but the feels aren’t as there as they are for Leo *smirk smirk*. Disclaimer, you and Leo are the most reserved and mature of the four ships, but y’all are still gonna have fun, I gotchu. Although Leo is normally quiet and he keeps to himself, you do get to see him being weird and quirky that we get to see every now and then. He’ll also get memey when you’re sitting on the couch being quiet. He’s the one that will start acting weird in complete silence and you’re startled because he’s so chill and calm, but the secret to the wild being of Leo is him being comfortable with you. He is a big observer, and he loves to observe you when you're getting ready in the morning. He'll ask questions about what you're doing when you put on your eyeliner, and you're genuinely surprised how clueless he is at all the make up since he has to wear it all the time. But he sits beside you, staring at you in awe with his mouth hanging in awe a little, as you’re putting on mascara it’s really cute. Adding on to Leo being comfortable with you, as your relationship continued, the more affectionate he becomes. He’s affectionate in his own way, but he loves to hold your hand and rub the pad of his thumb on the top of your hand. He’s very smiley in public with you, but he prefers to keep the PDA on the downlow, and you respect that and are okay with it. And let’s take a moment to talk about date night. He L O V E S  to shower you in fancy dinner dates. He loves to see you get dressed up and pamper yourself because you feel good about yourself, and of course, he reminds you on how amazing you look every time. Then taking late night road trips in the middle of nowhere is always a good idea, and it’s always fun for you two to be alone against the world. And during those late night trips, you two talk about life. The good, the bad, the happy, the anger, the kind, you talk about everything. Then you talk about your loves, your hates, and most of all your weaknesses. You both proceed with caution when you enter weakness territory and you take your time, but when you mutually become comfortable with each other, you talk about your weaknesses and you agree that you both will take time to take care of each other when you need each other the most. Then healing time is vital for both of you, which you two ditch every form of communication with the outside world, and you’ll escape to someplace that has no phone service with little people for the whole weekend. Some of your best memories come from your healing time, and nothing will beat sitting on a cabin porch, limbs tangled together, listening to the sounds of birds chirping and the breeze blowing through the tree’s. 

*takes a minute to gather self* OMGOMG IT IS COMPLETE!! I know you got 3/4 biases, but like, girl, you got great taste what can I say? I had a grand ol’ time shipping you with your babes, and message me when you’re finished, wink wonk. I love you bunches, and I hope you liked your ship!! <3

Admin Aquarius 

#taemingguk x idol ship #kpop idol ships #kpop ship blog #b.a.p #bts #top dogg #xeno-t #vixx #b.a.p ships #bts ships #topp dogg ships #xeno-t ships #vixx ships #yongguk #jungkook #hojoon #leo

[littlemisskookie]

Star Light, Star Bright

Star Light, Star Bright Ship: Shooting Star/ Guardian Angel!Jimin | Reader Description: When you wish upon a star, you never really think he’d come to visit. Warnings: Fluff, Intercourse, Fingering, Slight Cum Play, Slight Dirty Talk, ANGST Word Count: 7,595 A/N: Fluffier (sorta) than my other writings, and maybe not as dirty. It’s still there though. I was starting to think I’d never get around to writing this but I’m so glad I finally finished!

You threw your bag on the bed, plopping down on the covers, your back bouncing against the mattress. You were wrecked, basically half-drunk, with smeared lipstick and mascara streaks down your cheeks. You just stopped by a fast food restaurant only to be greeted by looks of pity and the hamburger you ordered. It was finished halfway through the ride home, where you sat in the back of a crummy Uber with a chatty driver who wanted to know why you were so smashed.

Fuck, your love life was up in flames.

You got enough alcohol in your system to finally try to make a move on your close friend who you were crushing on for months, only to walk in on him pounding into another friend. Your drunk self stumbled out, absolutely dazed, and it hit like a truck.

You haven't gone on a date for way too long, and you haven't gotten long in so long. You had been so busy with life, and now you were sure your crush was far more interested in Miss Butterfly Tattoo. Nice tattoo, though, you had to admit. Damn her for getting a good artist.

You sighed to yourself, rubbing your face, perhaps ruining your crusty eyeliner and such everywhere, making it worse. Why was it every time you liked someone they seemed to be staring in another direction? Like seriously, was it so much to ask? For a chance?

You grumbled to yourself, pulling yourself off of your bed and shaking your head. Sulking won't do much good. You've sulked too much. Instead, you fished out your practically dead phone, tapping on dating sites in a desperate attempt to get someone seemingly decent. You didn't want just a regular hookup- you at least wanted something. But it seemed like your type of rugged and tough didn't seem to mesh well with your actual personality, because your narrowed eyes and strong personality would drive men away to call you a bitch.

And honestly, you couldn't blame them. All this time you thought you needed someone as tough as you to be on your level and to put you down to a point that could control you in some aspect- from nights like these where you were a bitter mess. But the guys you saw weren't open to feelings and while they were strong and head strong and physically strong in most aspects, they frankly had you butting heads with them. Your independence and opinion got stronger, and it was like two dominant forces that didn't do well. You became more hardened after each man.

Maybe you needed someone to soften you up.

But a soft guy would typically end up being the ones who wouldn't look at a girl like you anyways. And once again, you were overlooked towards the girl who was better than you were. More pure, more soft, more innocent. More appealing, at least to guys like that apparently.

Ugh.

You pulled on a hoodie, wrapping it around your tight and promiscuous dress as you stepped outside on the balcony, letting the cold night air hit you. It was too early in the morning. You should be passed out on the couch or something about now, or perhaps in a makeout session until your drunk self finds out the guy said something entirely too stupid or you yourself admit something humiliating to make him run away.

Your eyes stare up at the stars, clear as day, and you sit down on the floor, letting your hooded eyes stare up at the small twinkling lights. You yawned, an old childhood rhyme coming to mind. You hadn't heard it in years, but it was always what your mother told you to say when you wished for the impossible.

You needed to go back to being that naive, little girl again anyways.

Closing your eyes, you take in a deep breath, letting your eyes stare back at the brightest star in the sky. "Star bright, star light, the first star I see tonight; I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight."

This was stupid. You were stupid. You were a grown ass woman reciting a children's rhyme. Yet, you let yourself slip into character, imagining yourself back at five years old, bright eyes filled with hope as you squeezed onto a teddy bear half your size, your nightgown dragging your feet as you rushed to a window to wish on the same star every night. You never wished for anything big, mainly a toy or something, and by the time you stopped it was because you knew wishing wouldn't do anything.

Your eyes light up, though, as you see a small glimmer, a small light zooming across the sky. A shooting star? It had to be, but- never mind. You were being ridiculous. But you knew the small girl you used to be would be rather disappointed if you passed away what made countless movies, books, and such.

You take a deep breath, laughing at yourself, smelling the alcohol on your own breath. "I wish I had a boy who loves me as much as I love him."

You were so stupid, and you knew the wish wouldn't come true. But it was for your inner child's sake. You knew that. And you shook your head as you grinned to yourself. Here you were, wishing on stars. Was this what rock bottom felt like?

You got up, opening the door to head inside when a strange hissing sound filled your ears. You furrowed your brows as the sound got louder, and turned around, seeing a ball of light zooming closer to you. Your eyes widened, and it was so close you shrieked, closing your eyes and ducking down, slamming your body to the ground as you covered your head and ears with your arms, shaking. You felt something scorching whir above your head, giving you the feeling of a sunburn on the back of your neck.

And it all went silent.

You peeked from under your arms, scrambling up to a sitting position to gape at the small pile of dust and glitter on your floor. It was a rather big pile, admittedly, and it seemed to be formed with fine glitter of bright pink, purple, and blue.

"What the f-"

You shrieked again as the glitter started to move, as though picked up by some sort of wind, and the bits started to glow and beam, reflecting in the lights as it started to fly up in the air. You scrambled back, your heart beating fast as you stared in horror, seeing the pile melt and form into what appeared to be a statue.

You were breathing heavily, absolutely in shock to see what appeared to be a man wearing an oversized sweater, made completely out of the pink, purple, and blue specks, and formed so perfectly, you thought you were staring at an angel who took a bath in glitter. Your eyes were wider than golf balls as the bright colors started to fade into pastel pink for hair, tan peach for skin, and the rest of the body and clothes were formed.

You let out a small yelp as the figure opened his eyes, the color a bright blue. What the fuck was going on right now?! The figure then stumbled back a bit, scratching his head, a few glitter pieces falling from his hair as he squeezed his eyes shut, getting used to his surroundings.

He looked to you, finally, plump and perfectly shaped lips you were convinced were shaped by the angels themselves curling into a smile, and his eyes lit up brighter than even the ball of light that flew towards you seconds ago.

"You called?"

"OK WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!?" you shouted out, scrambling up. "I'm not drunk enough for- for this! I know I didn't take any edibles, so why don't you just explain Mr. Glitter where that ball of light or whatever came in here and- and why you're here and what the FUCK happened? This is trespassing- this is insane! I ought to be trying to stab you with a butter knife or something with a few pew pew stabs to the heart, you know! You're lucky you're beautiful but I almost had a heart attack! Why are you here?!"

The man raised a brow, smiling sheepishly. "You think I'm beautiful?"

Your cheeks burned. "IS THAT ALL YOU GOT FROM THAT CONVERSATION?!"

"Woah woah, alright, let's take it easy!" the man said, rushing towards you with his arms outstretched. "You look like you're about to faint, now, let's sit you down. I'll make you some water to sober you up now, and we can explain everything in the morning- er, after you get some rest."

"No!" you fumed. "You're explaining right here, right now! None of this 'you'll know later' bullshit, am I clear? Explain to me right now! What are you doing here, who are you, and what are you?"

"Alright, alright, I'll explain," the man assures. "Just sit down first, alright?" He offers a hand to you, most of it masked from the pale blue sleeve of his hoodie.

You narrow your eyes, reluctantly taking his hand and pulling yourself up, going over to sit down on the couch. You crossed your arms, waiting. He stands before you, a serene expression on his face that made your insides explode. Did he do this often?

"First thing first," he smiles. "I'm Jimin, and I'm your guardian angel."

You blink at him. "What. I mean, wait what? WHAT?"

Jimin waves his hands in motion to calm you down. "Yes, I am. We come to you in the form of stars, and we glow the brightest in your eyes in particular. We come to assist you when we are told you have a wish to change your life, and we typically come down to assist with that task and look after you. You've made a wish to experience love, which will ultimately change your life in some aspect, depending on the experience, and I'm supposed to help you find it. Usually, we don't assist so... directly, but I've been told that this was a different mission than most."

You gape at him. "You mean to tell me I have a guardian angel? Shouldn't you be coming when I'm about to die? Or I don't know, why weren't you here before? Why haven't you been there to stop me from being stupid and falling for the wrong guys or going out drunk or ultimately from becoming a wreck? And a falling star? You're a falling star? A star? That defies science in all aspects! That's illogical and just plain ridiculous!"

"You just saw a man form out of stardust," Jimin coughs. "And I'm not an actual shooting star- at least not the kind your scientists refer to. Only you can see me when I come down here in that... what did you call it? Ball of light? Glitter? Well, if you saw all of that, clearly your science isn't able to detect everything. I'm not the ball of gas millions of light-years away, but we do refer to ourselves as stars, in a sense. We each own one little star where we're able to reside and watch over the humans we've been assigned to, and we come down to Earth only when the time is right."

"I don't believe it," you say, dazed. This was so much to take in. You weren't sure if you needed to be flat out drunk to deal with this, or just sober. But the in between you currently were in wasn't exactly helping.

"Well you sort of saw it all with your own eyes, so you sort of have to," Jimin smiles. "Besides, Y/N, I've been waiting for this moment for so long!"

You quirk a brow at his excited stature, seeing how he seemed to glow. "Uh, might I as why? How do you know my name?"

"I have to watch over your hardest moments, and at times I have to send you messages through your conscious so that you can make decisions. It doesn't always work, but it does add some morals and such for you. I've had to keep an eye on you and wait patiently for the moment that was supposed to flip your world upside down. You always seemed to be in such pain when it came to that category, though, it was sad. Guy after guy seems to be a piece of  a puzzle you keep trying to fit your own piece, jamming the two together until you eventually give up on it. You seem hurt, after all this time, as though you believe you'll never have love, that I couldn't wait to come down to help you."

"You've been watching me all this time?" you say, eyes wide. That was embarrassing...

"Only the times you were most in need, don't worry," Jimin smiles, assuring you. "Nothing creepy, per se. But my mission is to help you fall in love."

"And that's supposed to change my life? How?" You raise your eyebrows skeptically.

"Who knows?" Jimin shrugs. "Maybe the heartbreak will lead you to something bigger and better in life. Maybe you'll meet your future husband. The possibilities are endless, but apparently, this love is going to be what shapes you into you for the rest of your life, that turns your life around."

"Well it's not so pretty right now," you grumble to yourself, still seemingly dazed. "What happens if I find this love?"

"Then my job is done and I go back," Jimin confirms. "I'll still be whispering in your ear the right thing to do, of course, but I won't be able to return to Earth. That's the sad truth."

"Are you like an alien or something?" you question.

"And this is the point where I tell you to get to bed," Jimin says. "It's been a long day, you've had a lot of things happen, and information to process. Let's get you to bed and then we'll talk later, alright?"

"Wait," you pause. Your eyes shoot up to his. "Give me your hand."

The man raises an eyebrow and does as he's told, and you take it in your hands. His hands were small, the flesh soft, and had you not seen it with your own eyes you would have never guessed he was made from stardust.

Before you know it, you're being ushered to the bathroom.

Before long it became normal to have an actual star in your apartment. He stayed there (rent free, mind you, though he had no need for food or sleep, which as a major convenience for you, though you'd often wonder exactly what he did to keep himself busy while you were away or asleep) and would sometimes tag along after you got done with your more so mundane routines, and he would sometimes tag along on boring errands or have to accompany you when you went to parties to simply get drunk out of your mind.

Typically that's where Jimin would try to convince you to talk to a potential love interest, but you'd start taking drink after drink until you were a giggly mess, keen on forgetting your troubles and instead prolonging Jimin's mission of helping you find love, and too many nights you were stumbling into his embrace instead as he took you home. You were a mess, you knew that, but frankly you'd drink more to forget you were a mess. It wasn't something that happened every night, but it was enough to where even you knew you were a nuisance.

Jimin didn't care though. He was sweet and gentle, and kind, and you would've guessed- even if it didn't happen before your very eyes- that he was nothing less than an angel. He was too perfect, too soft, and his looks were positively angelic.

He mentioned he didn't approve of your drinking, but frankly, it wasn't something you intended on stopping without a clear reason. You weren't flat out drunk, where you couldn't remember a single thing that happened. But you were drunk enough where you wouldn't think about what you were doing, a pleasant buzz in your mind and your arms feeling silky and loose. You didn't hurt anyone, sure, but you were a slight fumbling mess. Jimin wasn't fond of your ways to cope but nonetheless didn't complain or criticize you.

You had a cup in your hand one particular night, singing the song that was playing from the top of your lungs, and walking over to the pink haired star. "Hello, annngel~" you mused, singing off key. Jimin laughed, swinging his arm around your waist to direct you.

"I think we ought to get you back home," Jimin says, taking the cup from your hand and setting it down on a nearby table.

You pouted at your friend and guardian, rolling your eyes, "I'm just having a bit of fun, Jiminie! Cheer up, hm?"

Jimin snickers, rolling his eyes. "Alright, let's get you home." You lean his weight on him, stumbling as he guides you out.

"Hey Starboy," you slur, "are you a virgin?"

Jimin stops, his eyes wide. "What?" he sputters.

"Have you stuck your glittery cock in some other ang-"

He clamps his hand over your mouth, to which you lick his palm. Why does he taste like angel food cake? Jimin shakes his head, continuing to drag you out. "If you must know, I'm not."

"Seriously? But I always see you as so pure and innocent and sweet," you muse aloud. "You're an angel, aren't you? I'd think you'd be holy and all that."

Jimin laughs. "I don't think I want to go into details, Y/N."

"Fair enough," you muse. You're outside now, and you two probably have to get to the car. God, did you park far? Ugh. You cling onto Jimin, yawning. "Y'know, I don't think I'll  be able to find love, Jimin. Anyone I love doesn't love me back. What's the point? What'll be so great about love that it changes everything? You're going to be stuck down here forever, it's hopeless Jimin."

"Don't say that," he coos. "You're pretty, you're smart- when you're sober, and you're downright hilarious. Anyone would be lucky to have you."

"What about you?" you ponder. "Would you date me?"

Jimin purses his lips. "Not with how drunk you get so often. But that's the only thing. I just feel like I'd be so worried about you, the thought of what could happen to you if you happened to drink too much, it'd eat me up alive."

You frown at that. Were you undesirable because you were drunk?

"So if I didn't drink, would I be desirable?" you ask.

"You already are," he assures you. "But I think it's just one of those things you should learn to keep under control. Not for someone to like you, though, but because it'd be healthier. You don't want to dive into alcoholism, and honestly, you'd be better off."

You laugh. "That's not what I'm asking. Would you find me desirable if I stopped drinking so often?"

His brows furrow. "I already find you desirable. But the whole point of me being here is to help you find the love that'll change how you view life, isn't it?"

True. But the thought sort of dug into your head, and you started imagining a date with Jimin. Was he right about your drinking problem? Should you stop? Would that help you on the path to love? "Alright, Starboy, want to make a bet?"

"What kind of bet?" he asks you. You spy your car as you two stumble closer.

"If I can go clean from alcohol, will you go on a date with me?" you grin smugly. "I want to cross it off my bucket list. Besides, I'm curious what a shooting star such as yourself would do for a date. I expect something cheesy and special."

His eyes are wide and he steps away from you for a second. "Are you serious about this?"

You shrug. "I'm drunk, but yes. I'm curious!"

He laughs aloud, ushering you to the car as he yanks open the car door. "Alright. But it's not going to be easy. Three months completely sober and clean from alcohol, and I'll take you on a date. I'm encouraging you to do the right thing."

"That's your job," you say. "And three months? That'll be easy, tch. You've got a deal! Starting now I'll stop my drinking problem! But you're expected to help me."

"That's fine," Jimin grins. "But I don't think it'll be as easy as you suspect."

"Say, Jiminie, can you stop being an angel? And how do you become one?" you ask him, yawning.

"You're sure asking a lot tonight, aren't you?" He chuckles, shaking his head. "We're born angels, but we can stop if we break laws and choose to leave. But we become fallen angels, and we have to stay in sort of a prison for a long time depending on our crime before we're sent to Earth, banished to the deserts and destined to wander through the surface of the world."

"That's intense," you muse.

"Well, it happens, though rarely," he shrugs. "Now, get in, Y/N, we need to get you to bed."

By the time you were both home, he seemed to already be pulling the covers over you. You were sleepy, admittedly, and felt somewhat like a child having to be put to bed, but decided to grab onto his wrist as he turned away.

"Jiminie!" you whined. "Sing for me?"

"What? Why?" he asks, his brows furrowed.

"I can't sleep," you lied. You could literally barely keep your eyes open. Still, you were curious. "Sing for me?"

"Sing what?" he sighed. He couldn't say no to you, especially when you tried to act cute. He only said no when it was something bad- since it was in his nature, of course- but at small requests like this? He knew you were stubborn, but he was a giver.

You grinned devilishly. "Twinkle twinkle, little star-"

"Are you kidding me," he hissed under his breath, squeezing his eyes shut.

"You don't have to if you don't want to."

He smiled softly. "No, no, it's fine. Cliche, but fine. Let's see if I remember it, actually, it's been a while."

You smiled triumphantly, staring at him through your lashes. His fingers wove through your hair as he softly smiled to you. "Twinkle twinkle, little star~" he sang, his voice soft and in a whisper. This was the cheesiest thing in your life, but you didn't really mind with him. "How I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are."

You'd sing along, with the still half-drunk idiot you were, but his voice left you in silence, and you were mesmerized. His hand continued to comb through your hair. "When the blazing sun is gone, when he nothing shines upon, then you show your little light. Twinkle twinkle, all the night, twinkle twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are."

And with that, your eyes shut.

Stopping your continuous habit to feel the warm buzz of alcohol proved harder than you thought. It was like a constant craving, and you'd think on occasion- at least once a day, at the bare minimum- about the feeling of being drunk, of the bitter taste you came to enjoy on your lips.

Jimin helped you. When you begged for at least one more drink- because how could it hurt?- he'd shake his head, saying, "Don't do this for the date, do this for yourself. If it's worth it, take a sip." Each time you turned down the drink, and you were good for the next few days. He had a point. You did want to stop, but drinking felt so good. Then again, you knew if you took it just one more step you could end up being an alcoholic. You were already craving it, and that wasn't a good sign.

But somehow you made it. The thoughts about the alcohol and its effects seemed to disappear, and you became preoccupied with other hobbies you found yourself enjoying. You didn't even remember the date set up or the deal, until it officially ended. On that day, you stared at the calendar, at the date you circled with pink dry erase marker- because fuck the cliche red- exactly three months ago. You squealed, finding Jimin on the balcony that he so lovingly tried to kill you on months ago, and tossed it his way, screaming, "I did it! I did it! Eat that, Starboy! You owe me a date! I did it, we did it!"

You were a hyper mess, hopping up and down, and Jimin smiling widely to you, giving you a big bear hug and saying how proud he was of you.

And now was the day.

You stared down at your skirt and t-shirt, glancing at yourself in the mirror. Why were you so nervous? Jimin was your friend. He had helped you through so much, and probably more now that you thought about it. You weren't such a party girl, and you were actually finding out you enjoyed things other than getting drunk now. You wouldn't have done that without Jimin, that was true.

But he was just a friend, right? He only agreed to this date based off of a drunken suggestion. But your heart seemed to beat wildly around him, you knew it. His smile would make you melt, and your legs feel like jelly. You liked him. A lot. A lot a lot. You loved him, but you always assumed it was just friend love.

What if it was in love love?

That was ridiculous. But he did always seem to give you the same glow the alcohol used to give you. Minus the hangover. More of the jitters.

And Jimin was cheesy to the bitter end. He rented a pickup truck, letting you tag along on a ride until you were in the countryside. It wasn't until he placed blankets and pillows in the back that you fully understood what his plan was.

You gawked at him. "I knew you'd be cheesy, but this is something else!"

Jimin laughed. "You asked for something sweet and cheesy. I deliver, don't I?"

Why was your heart fluttering so much? You were supposed to think of this as a friend date! You were thankful it was already dark out, otherwise, he'd see how flushed your cheeks already were. What was wrong with you? Why were you acting like this to your friend?

"A night looking at the stars," you say, climbing in and grabbing a pillow, hugging it. "Your brothers and sisters and friends, watching our date? Sounds creepy."

"They'll be too busy to pay attention," Jimin laughed. "Besides, it's not like being outside would really change anything. They'd still see if they wanted."

"So let the stars bear witness for the sins we're about to commit tonight!" you cheered, spreading your arms wide as the pillow dropped in your lap. "What neither man nor king can reach, that shows that we're all the same, for some things we cannot reach? For what looks down upon mankind and the atrocities we commit, until we join them in the heavens? Alas!"

Jimin busts out laughing. "I'd ask if you're drunk, but apparently you're just weird."

You pout, pursing your lips. "I'm not! I'm trying to sound sophisticated!"

"You sound like a philosophical drunk," he shakes his head, his pink hair swaying. You saw the small glimmer of his eyes twinkling as he stared at you. "But you're more the happy-go-lucky drunk, except when someone busts into your apartment in the form of stardust."

You laugh at that. "But I'm glad I stopped drinking, you know that? I never really thought of it as a problem. I never hurt anyone. I wasn't really in danger. But I was starting to get addicted to it. I'm glad I stopped diving back into it so often now, otherwise, I could've taken one more step into alcoholism, y'know?"

"Yeah," Jimin comments. His eyes are downcast, and you notice how he avoids your gaze.

"Jimin?" you cock your head to the side. "Starboy, what's wrong?"

"Is just that," he sighs. "I'm supposed to be helping you find love, but I've been here for so long, and no progress. I suggested dates and tried to bring guys to you and such, but you've turned down guy after guy. Am I really that much of a failure that I can't even do my job?"

Your eyes were wide, and you put your hand on his shoulder, feeling how soft the fabric was beneath your fingertips. "Listen to be, Jimin, you're not a failure. I... I turn down those guys because... because I simply don't like them." Oh no, there was a lump in your throat.

"How come? Don't you want to find love? Or to try? You never know, one could be the one to change your life for the better," Jimin grumbles.

"Hey, look at me," you say, taking his head and moving it so his gaze locked with his. "Frankly, I love having you here. I don't want them. You're the one who changed my life, you know. This whole experience, I realized that there really was more to life than drowning it in the feeling of being drunk. I've actually got hobbies and interests and I'm drunk on... on life instead! It's cheesy, but it's true. I'm drunk on being with you and being aware of everything in the world. Soaking it in. You changed my life, not any of them. I don't want them. I..."

You trailed off, your throat swelling to the point that you didn't want to finish the sentence.

"You what?" Jimin asks you.

You hug the pillow again, staring up at the stars, admiring how clear and bright they seemed away from city lights. "It's nothing, forget about it."

"It didn't sound like nothing," Jimin says. He places one hand on your knee, making your breath hitch and causing you to squeeze your pillow tighter. Jimin seems to realize, but keeps his hand there, not in a lustful way but rather in a comforting way to get you to open up. You tensed. "What was it?"

Your voice was quiet. "I only want you," you whisper.

"What? I couldn't hear what you said," Jimin says, his brows furrowing.

You turn to him, your eyes locking with his. "I said, I only want you," you say, your voice clear as a bell.

His eyes were wide and filled with surprise, but they were nothing compared to your own as he quickly landed his plush lips on yours. Your heart was racing, and his lips felt so full and lush. But it was over in a second, and Jimin was a flabbergasted mess.

"I shouldn't have done that- that was wrong- you must hate me- God, I'm an awful-"

Your hand flies to his chest, curling your fist into his shirt as you yanked him back to you, letting his lips crash against yours once again. You close your eyes, pulling him closer as you move your lips against his, trying to memorize the feeling of how soft and full they were. Jimin hesitates, but kisses back, his hand woven into your hair as he deepens the kiss himself, letting his lips dance with yours.

You come up for air, eyes hooded and breath quick. "Shut up," you smile, your hand going to his cheek. "You're perfect, you know that? Absolutely, and undeniably perfect, and don't believe anything else."

"You... you were supposed to fall in love with another man," Jimin says, pressing his forehead to yours. "You weren't supposed to feel the same. You were supposed to be with one of them, and I was supposed to help. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Why... why me?"

"They must've been stupid to put someone as angelic, perfect, and as beautiful down here to help a girl and not expect her to fall for him," you laugh. "I don't want them, Jimin. I want you. Only you. I have for a while now. You encourage a better version of myself, you bring out the best in me."

"This wasn't part of the plan," Jimin smiles, his lips meeting yours in a soft peck.

"Well, life doesn't go as planned, huh?" you laugh, kissing him lightly as you talk between kisses. "I didn't plan for you to literally fly into my apartment as glitter. I didn't plan to stop the constant drinking and partying. I'm sure you didn't expect to end up like this, in the back of a truck, with a girl you were supposed to help to fall for you instead. But I'm sure things would be pretty boring if everything went according to plan."

Jimin grins, kissing you again. You're lost in the feeling, a warm glow humming in your chest, your heart drumming as he presses against you. Your back is on the truck's floor, with Starboy himself on top of you, his body flushed against yours. You break away from the kiss, his face in your hands.

"I don't want to go too fast," you murmur. "This is still new to me, you know. Actually... actually truly feeling so... so immersed. I want to take my time while I can."

All he does is nod, pressing his forehead against yours as his lips meet yours. "We'll go as slow as you want," Jimin murmurs against your lips. "Let's enjoy the time we have together."

Months had passed, and Jimin was your official boyfriend, who you were steady with. You kept things slow, and things caught up, and frankly, he was what helped you get through most things. There were hardships through deadlines or unexpected problems, and he held your hand through it all, telling you it'd be fine. You didn't even realize how much you depended on alcohol in the past until you realized at this point you would've been drowning in it, perhaps dancing on some stranger's table, receiving drunken cheers that encouraged your shenanigans.

Today you simply drowned in your shooting star boyfriend, his hands interlocked with yours as your back pressed into the mattress, lips moving slowly against his. One of his hands slipped from your own to travel under the hem of your shirt, feeling squeezing the flesh between his fingers as he kneaded it. You mewled in response, arching into his touch as you felt his fingers pinch at the small bud.

His lips pop off yours, breath heavy. "You chose not to wear a bra today?" he asks between pants.

"I was in a rush," you smile, reaching up until his bottom lip was in between your teeth. He stayed still as you gently tugged it back, letting it snap back to him. He smiled, his lips already swollen, plush, plump, and bright pink.

"I'm not complaining," he murmurs, his other hand slipping down as he straddled your thighs, both hands massaging your breasts, your shirt riding up to reveal the perky buds. His tongue swiped over his bottom lip, and he dove down to suck tenderly one one nipple.

Your hand was woven into his hair, feeling the soft threads of hair as he performed his ministrations, and you sighed into his touch. Each touch felt like magic. Was it a boyfriend thing? Or a star thing?

His hands were hooking into the waistband of your shorts now, tugging them down to be discarded. He kissed his way down to your inner thigh, the scent of your bare heat hitting his nostrils. His thumb reached to your clit, his movements slow and precise, having you hum in pleasure.

He took his time, which you appreciated. Most guys you knew would be quick and rush the process, wanting to get it over with so that they could get their own enjoyment. Your boyfriend was a giver and enjoyed pleasuring you far more than you would've expected.

His finger ran over your slit, already feeling the set juices from your core, and he continued rubbing slow circles into your clit. Your hand continued to massage his scalp, combing through his cotton-candy pink hair as he pleasured you. You tensed when the finger that was running and swiping across your slit was instead circling around your entrance, teasing before entering.

Slowly he eased himself inside of you, two fingers at once, causing your breath to hitch as he started making scissoring motions. His thumb was adding just the right about of pressure against your clit.

"I want you to cum around my fingers, Y/N," he says, his breath fanning over your heat. "Can you do that for me?"

"Fuck," you curse quietly, slapping your hand over your mouth as he continued his ministrations, and a familiar pit was building in your lower stomach. "Yeah, definitely, no problem- shit!"

You jolted, feeling how sparks seemed to jolt from his thumb to your clit. You were getting close, and the swollen nub was already so sensitive. The coil was stretching, and Jimin's slow and steady movements seemed to bring you closer to the edge. You were already starting to clench around his fingers, and he was slowly easing in a third, taking his time until you reached your high, a low moan escaping your lips as your walls relaxed and went slack around his fingers instead of the tense state they were in. Jimin slipped them out, and you took his hand, popping them in your mouth as your tongue swirled around his fingers, staring him in the eye as you did so.

Jimin felt completely human as he did so, his breath hitching as the erection made his pants a bit tighter. You released his fingers, catching your breath. "Give me a minute, but I want to ride you, alright?" you panted.

Jimin laughed, pecking your lips. "Mhm." He reached over to the nightstand, grabbing for a condom and quickly unwrapping it. "I love when you come back home."

You caught your breath, and after a moment you were pushing him down to prop himself up on the pillows. "Take off your pants," you say, tugging at the waistband.

He does as he's told, chucking them off his body and gripping his member in his hand, stretching the condom on, giving it a few strokes as you prepared yourself. You grinned, climbing on top of him and positioning him right below your entrance as you straddled him. Slowly you lowered yourself on him, letting the head disappear in your folds, sinking down lower until the base seemed to disappear.

Jimin let out a low groan from the feeling of your heat and warmth enveloping him, and slowly he started thrusting up into you, letting you ride him at the pace you loved, where you could feel every inch of him rub against your walls. Whimpers escaped your lips, and you placed your hands on his shoulders, curling your fingers in the fabric of his hoodie as you bit your lip, small mewls of pleasure escaping.

He moved against you, his hips hitting your ass as you rode on top of him. His thrusts were precise and slow, hitting up at the angle you craved for. His hands were on your hips, lowering you up and down his length as he bit his own hip.

"Y/N, you feel so good around me," he moaned out, squeezing his eyes shut. "God, keep moving, just like that. Please don't stop."

You hopped up and down on him, your movements going a bit harder, slamming yourself on him to the point he was reaching deeper and deeper into you. Your head lolled back as a deep throaty moan slipped past your lips, and breathy pants followed.

One of Jimin's hands on your hips moved, to the point where his thumb was now pressing against your clit, the sensitive and swollen nub causing you to jerk in pleasure as jolts shot throughout your core. Jimin applied pressure to the bundle of nerves, the sensitive bunch making your moans louder and your peak sooner.

Jimin bites his lip, small grunts escaping as his singular thrusts start to get sloppy as he pumps himself in and out of you, showing he was close. He was rubbing your clit with intensity, his eyes trained on how his cock disappeared into your pussy and leaving you with pants as you tried to stay on him.

Your walls seemed to spasm around him, feeling how you shook around him as he kept up his thrusts. He chased his own high until he was filling up the rubber condom, and you two were left breathing heavily. You slipped off of him as he threw away the wrapper and you rushed to the bathroom, but you spent the night curled up into each other's arms and the sheets, content and happy.

You were in a starboy's arms, and he was in yours, and when morning woke you from your peaceful slumber you blurted out the first thing that escaped your lips.

"I love you."

Jimin was already awake, what with his lack of a need for sleep, though he could at will. But he woke to hear those words as soon as you uttered them, and you were completely calm, warm in his arms and unafraid for what his response would be.

"I love you too," Jimin whispers, and you grin, burying yourself in his chest.

He loved you back.

"I'll let you say your goodbyes," the star spoke, his face rigid and posture stiff as he waited outside your balcony.

You were teary-eyed, and so was Jimin. How were you supposed to know that a random star would show up on your balcony, saying that Jimin finished his mission and had to return to the others? That he'd have to leave you? For letting you find love and be loved back, and for your life to be changed? How could you know? How could he?

Perhaps it was to be expected, but it didn't make things any easier. Jimin's arms were tight around you as he buried his face in your shoulder, weeping softly.

"I don't want to go," Jimin spoke, his voice quiet and muffled, though you could hear him perfectly well. You were hugging him tightly, your own tears slipping down your cheeks.

"I don't want you to leave either," you whispered. "But there's no other choice."

"I could stay here. I could become a fallen angel, and I could see you again. Anything for you, just say the word," Jimin chokes.

"I could never do that to you," you say. "You're not going to a desert, you're not being banished here. You'll continue your life up there, you hear me? You'll be happy, and you'll continue your life. You helped me, you did your job. You loved me as I loved you and changed my world Jimin. Thank you. Thank you so much, but it seems that the universe works in odd ways. Nothing will go to plan you know, and as it turns out you're not destined to be with me. You're destined to be in the heavens. But maybe one day I'll join you."

He hugs you tighter. "I don't want to lose you."

"You never will," you spoke, your tears soaking into his shirt. "I love you."

"Hurry up," the star on the balcony spoke in a gruff manner.

Jimin pulls from you reluctantly. "I'll never forget you. Remember not to drink excessively, and take care of yourself. I love you."

And with that he crumbled in your arms, dissolving until he was nothing but a pile of dust- purple, blue, and pink glitter at your feet. The other star disappeared, and the two were picked up by an unknown wind until they became a bright light, slowly floating away from you.

And you collapsed to your knees, tears streaming down your cheeks as you said goodbye to your cherished angel.

"Mommy, can you sing me a lullaby?" your daughter yawned, her small hand clasped around the sheets as you pulled them over her.

"Mommy can't sing," you chuckled, smoothing her hair. "What would I sing anyways? I don't know any songs."

"Sing Twinkle Twinkle," the little girl mumbled. "That's what the other kids sing..."

Your eyes have a faraway stare, and you pull up a soft smile, your voice quiet and far off, remembering what was more than a man from years ago. Staring into your daughter's droopy eyes, you sing softly. "Twinkle twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are..."

Her eyes already start to shut.

"Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky," you mumble, your eyes welling up with tears. Years from that fateful day he left and the memory brings tears to your eyes still. Your throat starts to swell.

"Twinkle twinkle, little star," you chuckle in a bitter laugh, seeing how your daughter was already asleep, unable to notice your voice crack. "How I wonder, where you are."

In the sandy dunes, a fallen angel walks through the sand, his arm raised before his eyes in a desperate and fruitless attempt to shield them from the unforgiving wind and sand. His feet slip, but he walks on, doing his best to eventually get to you.

X

#jimin #park jimin #bts jimin #jimin angst #bts angst #jimin fluff #jimin scenarios #bts scenarios #bts fluff #bts smut #jimin smut #smut

[littlezenmystic]

Girl Talk

I thought he was an Adonis. He had to be this perfect god of a man, and I was just some ho-hum dork who fell face first onto his feet. What went through my mind in that instant? “Oh God he must think I’m some kind of idiot I must have looked like the stupidest person alive I can’t even function properly to not fall over. ON HIS FEET!?!”

Now? We’re friends. He’s married, has a little girl he adores, and lives a peaceful, normal, life in our hometown. I’m single, in my mother’s hometown, but living the happiest I’ve been in a long time. But, what if I could go back in time and tell myself what I know now? What if I could stop the humiliation and pain I went through that year?

Well, I can’t! I can’t go back in time and stop anything before it happens. Frankly, I don’t know if I’d want to. But, what I do know is that I can use that experience and knowledge to help other girls going into their first years.

Can I stop awkward things from happening to you? No! That’s a part of growing up. That’s a part of life. You’re gonna just have to fall on your crushes feet every now and then. But, I can make it easier for you to go through.

First off > extra set of clothes! ! ! ! ! ! You WILL need them sooner or later. Whether it’s a leak, malfunction, or something else, you’re gonna need those clothes one day. > remember the counselor is there to help, and assist, you in any way you need. Don’t be afraid to go to her/him. Even if you just need an unbiased opinion or ear to listen.

Lockers: If your school has mandatory health class/Phys Ed (or you choose it as an elective) then you will have two lockers. Let’s start with your regular locker. If it has shelves that’s great! You’ll want to designate each shelf (typically two I think) with something. The top shelf should be an extra set of clothes and period essentials (keep reading - that’s on down). The next shelf should hold a pencil bag with extra pencils/pens, erasers, sharpeners, and the like. Makeup bag with extra eyeliner, mascara, lip gloss, lip balm, eye drops, hand lotion, and some panty liners. The bottom should have an extra hoodie/jacket folded up (unless there’s a hanger for it inside) then your books in class order from left to right. If your locker doesn’t have shelves then the bottom should look like so: extra jacket & clothes folded and put in, period essentials set off in the left hand corner, books sitting on top of clothes in class order, and extra pencils case and extra essentials bag in right hand corner. Your bag (should be empty) should sit easily on top of all. If there is a hanger inside hang it on that. Remember that notebooks should also have class designations and keep them with the respective books.

Now your gym locker. It should have, at least, one shelf in it. If not that’s still fine. Something I’ll talk about later is deciding between showering or not, but for now we’ll just assume you will be. You’ll want your gym clothes folded and placed in first. Then a bag with essentials. You’ll want travel size shampoo, conditioner, facial wash, facial lotion, and deodorant. You’ll also want extra pads/tampons and a pair of underwear in case you leak. You’ll want extra makeup as well. Just simple basics - foundation, highlighter, mascara, liner, gloss, and a blending sponge. You can also keep a bottle of water, or Gatorade™, in there as well to refresh yourself with after class. If you have class right after gym I suggest taking the next classes book(s) with you. If you have lunch right after then it’s up to you. Remember that you’re going to need to replace your products every so often and your gym clothes should go home and be washed either every Wednesday or every weekend.

Periods: Periods happen to all of us. We’re women. It’s our nature. If your school allows you to carry a purse, backpack, or bag of any kind then this should be easy enough. If not (my junior high didn’t) then I have some tips to make it easier.

If you’re allowed a bag > carry a bag that has room for period essentials. This means a pocket area of the bag that will fit clean clothes, two pads/tampons, a bottle/packet of Midol™, and a bottle of water. [Side note: if you’re not allowed to carry your painkillers keep following along. I have a tip for this.]

If you’re not allowed to carry your bag > you can keep a pad/tampon on you in a pocket or your bra. However, you still need your essentials. Make a space in your locker to hold your change of clothes. Make up a little makeup bag with two pads/tampons, Midol™, and a rolled pair of underwear. Keep your bottle of water sitting behind your clothes and bag in the corner.

If you’re not allowed to carry your painkillers > Take a dose in the morning before you leave for school. After homeroom, before lunch, go to the school nurse. She should be able to give you otc Motrin™. If not, you can bring your medicine to her (make sure your name is written/taped to it). She can then administer the medicine to you. You have to let the principal/vice principal know that’s what you’re going to do though. Don’t try and sneak it in under any circumstances. Especially if drug dogs search the premises consistently. You won’t get in too much trouble for just simple Midol™/Motrin™ but it’s best not to poke that bear; let alone take a step in that direction.

Try to remember that you will probably not have time to go to the restroom in between classes. How to remedy this? Try to go before or after homeroom. If your class is near a restroom take advantage of that opportunity. And it always helps to know if you’ll have time to make it to the restroom and back before the final bell so read on to the next tips.

Managing Your Schedule: You should have it. Sitting there in front of you. You maybe got it at open house/orientation or maybe homeroom. It’s your schedule. It tells you what classes you have, at what time, and in what room. What it doesn’t tell you is how to utilize your time. It doesn’t tell you where, when, and how you can take restroom breaks. It doesn’t tell you how to keep from taking assignments home as homework. …etc etc. That’s what you have homeroom for! Homeroom is a place where you can get caught up on classwork, read, and do what you need. How do you know what you need to do? First thing’s first. You’re gonna want a fresh binder, filled with fresh paper, and hopefully one or two pockets. Set up your binder - • Put your schedule in the front. If you can’t hole punch it right away slip it into the front pocket where it is visible. [Side note: you can always get a clean copy of your schedule from the front office, homeroom teacher, or student counselor] • Front page - this page, and maybe even some pages beyond, should be for notes on the locations of > 1. Secretaries, Principal, Vice Principal, and Counselors office(s) 2. Each classroom 3. Restrooms (and notes on which ones are closest to which classes) 4. Water fountains and vending machines After this the next page should be a timetable. You should set this up to show yourself which classes you can have restroom breaks before/after. It should show you where and when you’ll be able to make it to your locker easily. You want this to be an aid in making it as easy on yourself as possible.

Mean Girls: We all deal with them. The girls who, for one reason or another, are so full of insecurities that they try and compensate for the lack by being downright vicious to other girls. First off, we should all try and remember that we are all girls. We’re all going through the same stuff. Girl on girl hate and jealousy needs to stop. That being said here are some tips to deal with the girls who just can’t see it for what it really is: Remember - everyone is different in how they handle things like this. 1. The girl who mocks your fashion choices > How annoying is it when you spend the night before planning your outfit only to have this girl tell you how ugly it is, or how “So last year” it is? It can be heartbreaking really. Trick is - if you’re comfortable, and feel pretty in what you’re wearing, what she says should not be allowed to have any affect. Oh, it will affect you but you have the power to stop it. Try reminding yourself how comfortable you are in this outfit. Remind yourself how pretty you felt before she ever said anything. As long as you are comfortable and content nothing she says can really do anything. 2. The girl who will try anything to make you look bad to others > That girl who horribly feels the need for positive attention so she tries to create negative attention towards you. Maybe she asked you a question that you don’t really know what it means and you try to answer it but she tricked you into “admitting” something that she now thinks has power over you. Maybe she tried tripping you in the hallway. Maybe she’s just trying whatever she can. Let’s face it - this girl is one of the worst bullies around. Why? Because it’s so easy to be undetected by authority figures. She isn’t quite necessarily physically abusing you. Although she isn’t quite above that. The way to getting around this girl’s approach? When she asks you a question tell her “I don’t know”. It doesn’t matter what the question is; that has to be the constant answer. She will get tired of trying different approaches to the question, eventually, if all you ever say is “ I don’t know”. This girl’s tactic is to say something you will respond to in a way that she can make you look bad. If she doesn’t have that power over you she’ll stop. If the taunting turns physical DO NOT BE AFRAID TO TURN TO AN AUTHORITY FIGURE. They are there to keep you safe. 3. The girl who was once a friend (and now she thinks she’s “popular”) > Popularity is a fickle thing my friends. Say this girl turned against you (even spread rumors about you) and now she’s “popular” and you’re “not”. Have the knowledge right here and now that once you are removed from this equation she has nothing. If she is feeding off of you for popularity then her status isn’t worth anything. Not that it was in the first place anyway. If she’s “ getting to the top” by negative ways then she will fall from the ladder due to the same things. This doesn’t mean you go around spreading falsifications about her. That would make you just as bad as her. This means that you should ignore it. She’ll get her karma. However, if your school is large enough you can spread the truth about yourself. Where you hear a rumor turn it around to the truth and send it out the other way. If you have a smaller school where you can’t do that you can take to paper. Someone finding a paper that looks like a note someone wrote can spread just like a vocal rumor. This girl used to be your friend. So, she knows things about you that she can use against you. You have to be prepared to hear anything about yourself. And, if she isn’t using you to climb the ladder, she was still once your friend, and the pain from this crazy, sudden, switch is like a burning hell. You just have to remember that she, herself, is insecure and looking for a security blanket. Remember that none of this defines you. Remember you have other friends who are there for you. Remember, most of all, that you will also be making new friends. There are other mean girls sure, but the tools to handle these girls will give you the tools to deal with any bully. Just remember that whatever it is they say was actually designed to hurt you. These girls know how to get to you. You just have to make it a habit to tell yourself this every time they throw the gut wrenching blow. And, remember that YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FACE A BULLY ALONE! You have friends, family, a student counselor, teachers… etc … to talk to. Even the strongest person out there needs a support system. You don’t have to face it alone! Don’t think you have anybody? Come to me. My ask is open!

Crushes: Oh boy! No pun intended. Every girl has a crush on somebody somewhere. You’ve probably had subtle crushes before. Maybe as a baby you had a crush on a cartoon. Maybe in your younger childhood years you developed a crush on a celebrity. Maybe that cute neighbor from across the street… Those were cute and fluffy crushes though. These crushes are going to be new. And, to top it off, it doesn’t help matters that you’re in your awkward pre-teen/early teen years. You’re just trying to figure it all out when *BOOM* there’s suddenly this older boy that makes you feel things you don’t understand. You think he’s cute. He goes to your school so you’ll definitely maybe see him there. But then - Omg there’s this boy in your year and he’s so yummy. He’s got a yummy friend too. They’re in several of your classes too! Omg so cute! |||||| |||||| Girl, hold up! Yes, he’s cute. Yes, his friend is cute. Yes, the boy in the year above you is cute. Keep those panties on girl! First off - none of these boys are worth your education. Keep in mind you’re only a fresh Sevie. (Ok, so, some places start Junior High off with 6th grade, but still - you get my point) Let me tell you something. You’re a virgin (hopefully). That boy in the year ahead of you is not. And, he isn’t interested in the fresh awkward Sevie, carrying her notebooks haphazardly, walking up to him right now. He thinks he’s so cool. Truth is, down the road, he’s going to end up with one or more STI’s, have broken the hearts of multiple girls, and be in jail for multiple offenses (one probably being rape). Walk the other way girly! The yummy boy in your year? Yeah, he’s probably the jock you see, in your minds eye, having it all one day. You see the future and it’s clear - you’ll start dating, fall madly in love, marry out of highschool, go through college together, have great jobs, make beautiful babies, have wonderful lives… … Truth is - he doesn’t want to be with you. He might find you cute but he’s with a cheerleader from another school. You’ll never get together in that way. You’ll find each other as friends down the line. He’s married a cheerleader - not that one. They have small jobs and a cute daughter they both adore. And you? You’ll be found. Trust me when I tell you that Jr High and Highschool crushes and boyfriends are not going to make any difference down the line. So the best thing to do is study, get book smart, make the grades, and then you’ll have time in your adult years to become street smart.

Finally - To Shower or Not To Shower: Age old question here. No, I’m joking really. In older days students were made sure they were given time to shower. I don’t know how it will be at your school but when I was in Jr High we weren’t given much time to shower. Our showers were old and the whole place was creepy enough that if you did take a shower, and all of the other girls didn’t, you were all alone with the creepiness. Most of us didn’t shower and those of us who just couldn’t stand to not shower took very quick, very cold, showers while everyone was still in there together. Sure, we’d wash up in the sinks enough to refresh. Trust me - it isn’t horrible to not shower. Especially if you don’t have the time to! If you choose to not shower here’s how to get refreshed in a snap > 1. Wash your face, apply facial lotion 2. Reapply makeup. Foundation, highlighter, liner, mascara, lip gloss. Blend with a sponge to give a soft dewy glow. 3. Wash your underarms. Reapply deodorant. 4. Reapply any perfume to the insides of your elbows, knees, and ‘down there’ on the outside of your panties.

Sweat tip* an antiperspirant put on your inner thighs before gym will prevent any sweat/heat rash

Some things to remember: 1. Even though I’ve mentioned it multiple times, you are still very young and shouldn’t be wearing so much makeup. Not because of anything, really, other than the fact that you shouldn’t have to worry about that on top of everything else your young heart has to stress about already. 2. I’m going to try and drill this into your head. Crushes are just that. They’re called crushes for a reason. And no boy/girl is worth you sacrificing your education. I know it will be hard for you to concentrate past that crush sometimes but you can do it! Don’t let that person take all of you! If you do start dating the best thing to remember is that they don’t complete you in any way. No relationship is going to survive if neither one is fully content and in their own. You can’t be a part of a couple if you as a single aren’t secure in yourself. That’s why teenage relationships don’t often last. Do NOT depend on the other person! 3. Make friends! You’re going to make enemies whether you try or not so making friends is a surefire way of ensuring that you’re in a safe, secure, place physically. We can all do with a good support system! 4. Awkward things are going to happen. When they do you’re going to get embarrassed. You’re going to feel humiliated. Just remember tomorrows a new day. Everything passes. In a few years you might remember the awkward incident but it will not matter in, or apply to, your life in any way.

If you feel like you can’t face anybody after what happened remember this: I fell flat on my face on my crushes feet. I tripped and fell UP the stairs and injured myself twice [once, people just kept walking past me and over me]. And last but not least - I had leaked, from my period, all over my pants. I had gone to the principal’s office to call home. My mother missed my call. The counselor was out for some reason. Standing there, in my defeat, facing the door, back turned to an empty hall, I hear a voice say “Stephanie got her period!” I turned around to a hall full of students staring at me because a boy I had known my whole life couldn’t keep his mouth shut!

So, there it is. Know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Going through these early years is hard but you’re gonna make it kid. You’re gonna make it 😘

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