do u love the colors of the comphet
When it’s over, when Henry Creel is dead and dust and they’ve emerged battered and triumphant. When she and Jonathan have ended things. When there is no more fighting to be done, she and Steve give it another go.
She knows he’s going to ask the same way she knew in ‘83. There’s no waiting this time, no need to wonder if Jonathan might want her too. They gave it the old college try (He lied to her. He was lying to her for months, and she knew something was wrong before that. She thought they could work it out. She’s so fucking sick of lying to herself being lied to).
He asks with wide, hopeful eyes, running a nervous hand through his hair. He doesn’t have anything to be nervous about. She made up her mind before he even asked.
She can do it right this time. She can love this boy the way she wants to. The way he wants her to. They’ve both grown in the years since. She’s going to do this right.
That’s the mantra she keeps in her head when he picks her up and spins her. I can do this.
She can’t do this.
It’s somehow the same and different from when they dated the first time. They’re going through the same motions, but there’s something lacking. They’re both older, more jaded. They’re not kids anymore, and it shows.
They rarely kiss. He hesitates now in a way he didn’t before. Sex is something they don’t bring up at all. Eddie makes a crude joke once, something or other about what Nancy is like in bed, and she and Steve make eye contact. There’s something there, something like mutual understanding, before Robin smacks Eddie upside the back of the head and the moment breaks. She keeps thinking about it long after. Whatever it is that they shared, they don’t talk about it.
Maybe they’re lying to themselves, both of them. Puppets going through the motions, too stubborn to admit they’re play acting as real people. Still, she can’t give this up. She can’t make the same mistakes all over again.
Robin corners her two months into the relationship. Part of Nancy is surprised it took her this long. The rest of her is angry she brings it up at all.
Saying she’s cornered might be doing her a disservice. They’re having a sleepover, painting their nails and talking about boys. Everything a girl is supposed to do. Except Robin is awkward and fumbling, and every name she brings up sounds like a question. Nancy only has Steve to talk about, and barely talks about him at all.
Finally Robin sighs and puts down the nail polish. “I feel like this subject is making us both miserable,” she declares. “I don’t want to talk about boys, I was just doing it because I thought that’s what you’re supposed to do at girl sleepovers. I haven’t actually been to a sleepover since I was in middle school and the other girls decided I was weird, but I’m pretty sure the point is to have fun. This is not fun. This is agonizing. We should talk about something else.”
“Steve isn’t making me miserable!” She snaps, before realizing she sounds way too defensive.
Robin peers at her. “Yeah, see, that’s not what I said. That’s not even a little bit close to what I said. Maybe we should talk about this instead. What’s the deal with you and Steve?”
“What deal? There’s no deal.” She turns around and rummages through the nail polish selection. Robin doesn’t exactly have a variety. Her options are red, dark red, and black. She chooses the brighter red with the absent thought that the black would look good on Robin, with her long fingers and dark eyeliner. Then she banishes that thought away.
“There’s definitely some kind of deal.”
“There isn’t.”
“Nance.”
She can’t help but turn around then, drawn in by the tone of her voice. There’s a glass wall inside of her, and someone is pounding on it, trying to get out. She wants Robin to see it. She wants someone to see behind the glass. There’s something in her trying to get out.
“Nancy,” she says again, eyes searing into her soul, “are you happy?”
She smiles, fake and fixed on her face. The glass stays firmly in place. “Of course I am,” she replies. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
The next time Robin wants to hang out, she’s busy with college preparations.
It’s not just Robin. She thinks everyone can tell something’s wrong with her. Eddie gives her these looks every time she and Steve are in front of him, like he’s putting together a puzzle. Her mom keeps trying to talk to her. Jonathan keeps trying to talk to her.
They know, she thinks wildly, every time. She doesn’t know what it is they know. She doesn’t want to find out.
She avoids them all.
When she and Steve go to dinner, the waitress captivates her.
Long, dark hair in braids. Long fingers tapping against the notepad. Dark eyes in a dark face. She’s always loved brown eyes. Nancy has never been one to be jealous of other girls (lie, lie, lie), but suddenly heat floods her body. She wants to be as gorgeous as this woman. She wants her full lips, popping gum. She wants the woman’s swaying hips as she turns and leaves their table. She wants— she wants—
She tears her gaze away to find Steve already looking at her.
The heat is dosed by the ice that fills her veins. All her senses go on high alert until she realizes he’s actually staring past her. She turns around to see the bartender. He’s handsome, she thinks, tall with tan skin and brown hair carefully styled. He’s talking to a customer, teeth shining as he laughs.
When she turns back, Steve has firmly fixed his eyes on her. She could almost believe he’d never been staring at the bartender at all.
There’s something there. Something just out of reach, something she could put a finger out and touch if she were braver. She doesn’t. There’s no gun in her hand here, no adrenaline to keep her going after it all falls apart.
“What did your dumb boyfriend do this time?” Mike demands, storming in her room. Nancy has half a mind to yell at him to knock first before she registers his words.
“Steve is- Steve is fine,” she says, startled. “He’s great, actually. Nothings wrong.“
“Then why are you so miserable all the time?” Mike accuses.
“I am not miserable!”
“You are! You both are, and neither of you will tell anyone what’s wrong, or why-“
“I don’t know why!” She shrieks. Mike falls silent, eyes wide, and Nancy suddenly realizes she’s crying.
“I don’t know why,” she repeats. “Everything is fine. He’s like, the perfect fucking boyfriend. It’s me, I’m the problem. There’s something wrong with me. There’s a beautiful boy who loves me, and I’m- I’m trying. I’m trying so hard to love him back, but I can’t. I can’t. There’s something wrong with me.” She’s desperate now, wiping away tears as she curls into a ball. She feels pathetic, crying in front of her little brother. She’s the oldest, she should be keeping it together, she shouldn’t let him see her like this. But she can’t help it. There’s something in her screaming to get out.
Mike, with all the grace and bewilderment of a newborn deer, gingerly pats her shoulder.
“Have you…talked to Steve about it?”
She gives him a cutting look. It’s probably not as effective as she wants it to be, with her red eyes and tear streaked face. Mike holds his hands up.
“I’m just saying! He’s your boyfriend, you should talk to him. And if you don’t want him to be your boyfriend, you should really talk to him.”
“I want him to be my boyfriend, I just need to get past whatever this is—“
“Nancy,” Mike says. “It’s not just you. He’s miserable too.”
“Because of me. I just need to—“
Mike shakes his head. “I don’t think it is. If it were because of you, he’d be acting different. More…kicked puppy, or whatever. He’s just being weird, and won’t tell anyone why. Dustin said he asked Robin, and she doesn’t even know.”
Nancy doesn’t have anything to say to that.
“I think you need to talk to him,” he says again. “I think you need to talk to each other.”
“When did you get so smart?” She asks, instead of crying again.
“I’ve always been smarter than you.”
She kicks him for that blatant lie.
“Are we holding onto a dead thing?” She asks out loud.
He rolls over and looks at her. She’s worried she’s hurt his feelings, broken his heart again, killed any chance they have at a relationship, romantic or not. Then he snorts.
“Robin got to you too, huh?” He asks, flopping back onto his back to look up at the sky.
“Mike, actually.”
“Mike? That shithead? What does he know about relationship problems?”
“Are we having relationship problems?”
“I mean,” he says, wry twist to his mouth, “we haven’t had any arguments.”
“Nope.”
“Or general drama.”
“That might be debatable.”
“There’s no need to spice up our sex life.”
She snacks him for that one, and he laughs. She props herself up to look him in the eye. His face is more open than she’s seen it the entire time they’ve been dating.
“I think you have to be in a relationship to have ‘relationship problems,’” she tells him. “Are we in a relationship?”
He visibly considers this. “I mean, I asked you out, and you said yes. And we never broke up.”
“We haven’t kissed in at least two weeks.”
“Did you want to?”
She takes a moment to think about it. “Not really,” she admits, and his face splits into a grin.
“Not that you’re not still wonderful, Nancy Wheeler,” he says, teeth shining, “but I don’t think I want to kiss you either. Isn’t that weird?”
When they dated in high school, it was like he couldn’t stand being away from her. He spent every moment he could kissing her, wherever he could. Sometimes it felt almost like a performance he put on for the people around them, lifting her up and spinning her just so everyone would know how in love they were. It was stifling at times, feeling like something to prove. Still, it was how he was, so in love he could burst with it.
Now, she wonders if it was always a performance. Maybe they’ve both been on a stage, and neither of them noticed the lights blinding them until now.
“It is a little weird,” she says finally.
“Right?!”
He holds out a hand to shake, the other one firmly in his pocket. God, she wishes she could love him. “Good go, eh Wheeler?” He asks, smile crooked and shaky.
She snorts. “We made ourselves and everyone around us miserable,” she points out. But she takes his hand.
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Narumayo Week Day 1: Waterfalls/Reunions
Phoenix had bought flowers, which was unusual for him. He tended to actively avoid taking any sort of responsibility for plants, with the one exception of Charley. Even then, it was purely through luck and Maya’s intervention(and now a little extra help from Trucy, thank heaven) that Mia’s favorite piece of greenery wasn’t a brown and shriveled husk at this point. Whatever the opposite of a green thumb was, Phoenix surely had it.
Yet as he’d made his way to the train station this morning his eye had been caught by a stall out front selling a whole rainbow’s worth of beautiful flowers, and something deep inside him compelled him to buy a whole bouquet of purple ones. Some kind of orchids, he thought? Although they could have just as easily been tulips or something. Really he’d just bought them because they were purple and purple was Maya’s favorite color.
Would she even care about getting flowers? In terms of gifts Maya tended to prefer things with more use to her like clothes or games or food. Especially food. Phoenix had brought food, of course, a big hearty order of Eldoon’s famous breakfast ramen that he desperately hoped hadn’t cooled down too much during the two hour train ride. He felt like he needed to give her something else, though, something to show how truly sorry he was for being such a crappy friend and not talking to her for the past two months. Were flowers enough? Was this whole surprise visit a mistake?
But regardless of what kind of spur-of-the-moment decision-making had led him to where he was, Phoenix was there all the same, standing outside the door to the Fey’s family home at nine in the morning with a big bouquet of orchids in one arm and a big brown bag of food in the other. Realizing a little too late his logistical mistake he knocked as firmly as he could with his foot. Within a minute the door slid open and the tiny, surprised face of Pearl Fey poked through.
“Mr. Nick?” the small girl exclaimed with a smile that quickly turned into an angry frown, “You said some real mean things to Mystic Maya.”
She was right, of course. Phoenix had been in a bad place the last time he saw his spirit medium best friend. After hearing the news about his disbarment Maya had rushed into the city as quickly as she could, only to be turned away at his door. You weren’t there for me when I needed you, he’d spat at her, why would I want you here now? Phoenix cringed internally at the cruel verbal beatdown he’d given the person he loved more than anyone else in the world, who had dropped everything just to be there for him in his time of need.
“I know, Pearls, I said a lot of hurtful things that I can’t take back and that’s why I came to see her. To make things up to her and show her how sorry I am. Is she here?”
Immediately the expression on Pearl’s face thawed a little, with the tiniest hint of a smile drawing up the corner of her mouth.
“Mystic Maya told me you didn’t really mean those things. She said you’d say sorry as soon as you could.”
She gave a sudden gasp of delight, putting her hands on her face to hide her blush. “But she didn’t tell me you’d come all the way here to say it! And with flowers! You must have had one of those ‘lovers’ quarrels’!”
Phoenix’s hands were a little too full to hide his own blush. “N-no, Pearls, it’s not like that! Friends give each other flowers too. To show how much they care about each other. Where is Maya, by the way? She’s not asleep, is she?”
“Mystic Maya’s doing her morning meditation in the waterfall in the sacred grove. I don’t think she’s supposed to be interrupted… But for you, Mr. Nick, she won’t mind!”
Phoenix nodded. “Okay, sacred grove, huh? That shouldn’t be too hard to find! Thanks for the help, Pearls!”
They waved each other goodbye, she with her hand and he with his foot, and he set off to find the sacred grove, wherever that was. Hopefully Kurain Village would have some kind of big map to help him find his way around. His mind fully on the task at hand, Phoenix failed to hear Pearl yelling behind him, “Wait, Mr. Nick! I forgot something about Mystic Maya’s meditation!”
***
There was, unfortunately, no tourist-friendly signage to help Phoenix along his way. After a bit of trial and error he found his way to a forest path that seemed fairly grove-y to him, flanked by stone statues that Phoenix judged to look pretty sacred. Before too long he could hear the rushing current of a waterfall and he knew he was on the right track.
It really was a beautiful vista, full of ethereal trees, lush greenery, and a brilliant view of the mountains. At one point he could have sworn he saw a white deer zip out of sight. Even after nearly four years of knowing Maya he couldn’t believe that she got to grow up in this magical fairyland. Although he supposed even the most beautiful view could get boring if you see it every day.
After a little more walking a lovely clearing came into view, full of lush green grass and brightly colored flowers. Phoenix inspected them for a bit to make sure they weren’t the same ones from his bouquet. At the other end of the clearing was a clear pool beneath a waterfall where Maya sat in meditation. She looked totally at home under the water, eyes closed, relaxed…and completely naked.
Phoenix went cherry red as soon as he registered what he was seeing. Suddenly he recalled that Pearl had been yelling at him as he left to find Maya. This must be what she wanted to tell him. Maya was obviously doing some kind of meditation technique that required the user to take off all their clothes. And with her legs folded under her and her arms at her side, Phoenix could see her whole…her…
He tore his eyes away as fast as he could and tried to figure out a way to make his presence known in a way that wouldn’t be insanely awkward. Finding no obvious solution, he decided to just rip the bandaid off and shout “MAYA!”
“Nick?” she yelled back excitedly, followed by a horrified shriek and a scream of, “Don’t look at me!”
“I’m not looking!”
“Hold on, let me get dressed! Don’t you dare sneak a peek! What are you doing here, Nick?”
“I haven’t seen you in months. I thought I’d pay you a visit. And trust me, I’m not trying to look at you naked.”
“Well then, how did you know I was naked if you didn’t look?”
“Okay, I saw you for a second, realized you were naked, and looked away immediately. Happy? Plus I think your reaction would have given you away even if I hadn’t seen.”
“Not necessarily, Nick, I could have been wearing something really embarrassing like a fursuit or something. You can look now, by the way.”
Phoenix turned to see Maya squeezing the water out of her hair. She wasn’t wearing her usual robes, but what looked like a thin white bathrobe. Probably some sort of training uniform. She was still dripping wet and the fabric clung to her body in a way that didn’t lessen his blush at all.
“What’s a fursuit?” he asked, trying to distract himself from the situation that was boiling his blood into tomato soup, “Like a big winter coat or something?”
Maya put a hand on her chest and grinned. “Oh, you sweet summer child. I’ll explain later. Whatcha got for me?”
Her eyes locked onto the big brown bag emblazoned with the Eldoon’s logo and he could see her mouth begin to water immediately.
“A couple orders of the breakfast ramen, hopefully not too cold. Extra maple syrup for you, of course.” He handed the bag her way and she grabbed it greedily.
“Ugh, Nick, you have no idea how much the noodles here suck. It’s basically like eating string. And when I talk about putting syrup on them everyone looks at me like I have two heads.”
“To be fair, syrup on noodles is pretty weird everywhere in the world but Eldoon’s.”
Maya was getting ready to tear into the bag when she spotted what was in Phoenix’s other hand. With a gasp she dropped the food and rushed to wrap him in a crushing hug and plant a kiss on his lips, getting him completely soaked in the process.
“Oh my god, no one’s ever gotten me flowers before!” she exclaimed, on the verge of tears. When she let go of her hold Phoenix handed her the bouquet and she took a big sniff. “They’re gorgeous! How did you know I love lavender?”
“Uh, to be honest I just got them–”
“Because they were purple, right? You big dork.”
She punched him in the arm and then wrapped it in hers. Phoenix had accepted at this point that wet clothes were a fair trade for a happy Maya. She looked up at him with an expression he couldn’t quite parse.
“You know I’m still mad at you, right?”
“I don’t blame you.”
“Of course you don’t, you were an absolute bastard that night and you know it. I hated you for a good week after that. I tried to put on a brave face for Pearly, but as soon as I was alone in my room I cried my eyes out. Do you know how devastating that is? To have someone you think is your best friend tell you that they don’t ever want to see you anymore? And then just stop talking to you for two whole months?”
She squeezed down so hard on Phoenix’s arm that he had to suppress a yelp.
“Maya, I’m so sorry.”
“I know you are, Phoenix. I know you were sorry as soon as you closed that door in my face. I know you stood there wanting to take it all back but decided not to say anything because you didn’t think I deserved a friend who was capable of saying the things you said. That you spent the next two months telling yourself that us not seeing each other was for the best even though every instinct you had fought against that. And that’s why I couldn’t hate you as much as I tried. Because no matter what words fly out of your mouth when you’re in pain, no matter how many times you tell yourself you aren’t worthy of love, you’re Phoenix Wright, and you’re my best fucking friend in the whole world.”
Maya detached herself from Phoenix and turned to face him, the flowers still firmly in her hands. They said nothing for what seemed like minutes. Then he finally spoke.
“Maya, did…did you rehearse that speech?”
A smile spread on Maya’s face.
“Shut up, dork.”
Phoenix started to break into a grin as well. It was physically impossible not to smile when Maya Fey was smiling. “No, I mean seriously, how much time did you spend in front of the mirror getting every word just right.”
“It’s not funny, you asshole.” Maya snorted.
“Then why are you laughin’, kid?”
“Because I’m too hungry to think straight. Come on, Nick, let’s make with the noodles. And you can tell me about this Trucy that I keep hearing Edgeworth talk about.”
“Oh man, you’re gonna love Trucy…”
And just like that, everything was right with the world. At least for now.
***
“Okay, but I really do need to finish up my meditation for the day.”
Their breakfast long finished, Phoenix and Maya were lying together in the grass, heads next to each other, attempting to decipher the clouds in the sky. Maya had been eager to hear as much about Trucy as she could and insisted on going to her next magic show(and bringing Pearl along, of course). Phoenix had taken as many opportunities as he could to sneak apologies in, with Maya magnanimously batting them all aside as ‘water under the bridge’.
“You sure about that? You just finished drying off.”
“Yup, I’m pretty sure. Some of us have jobs, Nick, and mine is to be as good at spirit channeling as I possibly can be.” She pushed herself up off the ground. “And sometimes that means sitting buck naked under a cold waterfall for an uninterrupted hour.”
Phoenix sat up, hearing his back crack as he did so. “You mean you have to start over again.”
“Uh, yeah, old man, meditation isn’t really something you pause halfway through and pick up later.” She cocked her head at him. “You know, if you want to, you can join me this time. I can teach you how to clear your mind.”
“Will I have to be…uh…”
“Yep, unfortunately. As the day you were born. On the bright side, though,” she said, leaning in with a devilish look on her face, “I will be too.”
“Well, uh,” stammered Phoenix, whose blush had gone as purple as the flowers, “I guess I could try it…”
He hoped beyond hope that Pearl never got wind of this.
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