#forgotten the queen of them all SPN?????????????????????????

[castielsprostate]

who cares if that's his boss let them fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and let them!!!!!! be!!!!!!!! in!!!!!!!!! love!!!!!!!!!!!!

#sjonnie.text #i just dont understand how we're having this conversation in 2023! #also let's not forget nandor fired him like??? that's not his boss anymore! that's his love interest! #why is it fine for the straighties to have it but when it's a gay romantic consensual workplace relationship it's pRoBlEmAtiC #girlie we went through this WITH 5 DIFFERENT SHOWS! have we forgotten merlin??? have we forgotten sherlock????? have we #forgotten the queen of them all SPN????????????????????????? #let us have our middle aged weird vampire x vampire hunter queer men that kill for the lolz and are toxic!!!!!!!!! #there's 700 straight popular pieces of media out there that's 100x more toxic than nandermo. dont even get me started on the webtoons #taiki would want these men to be gay!!!!!!!! #nandermo #wwdits #okay im fine #that's his boss #what we do in the shadows

[mlobsters]

supernatural s15e19 inherit the earth (w. eugenie ross-leming, brad buckner)

i'm not sure i want to watch this, actually. all right, next day. let's see. combination of not wanting to watch them grieve cas after that weird reaction i had to 15x18 plus feeling like writing anything about spn is completely pointless. power through

covid lockdown-era city views, along with the akf/always keep fighting on the tower and the actual coke ad about social distancing "staying apart is the best way to stay united" well this is not helping my mental state and also presents confusing idea that this universe was affected by covid, which it obviously isn't. along with everyone being raptured

SAM I did this. We could have just given Chuck what he wanted, you know, his grand finale. But I resisted. I pulled the thread. I thought we could beat this game, do it better. We tried to rewrite him, and the whole world paid the price.

taking a moment to address the absurdity that chuck's being such a brat over the fact that the brothers won't kill each other he's gonna rapture the entire earth

CHUCK I mean, picture it. The two of you... And your little lapdog Jack... Rotting on a lifeless planet, knowing it's this way because you wouldn't take a knee. Eternal shame, suffering, and loneliness. Whew! That's deep. That's sophisticated. That's a page-turner.

it is something

little schmaltzy but i'll take it. ah, well. for 30 seconds at least. i know he comes back though so it's all good

very pretty lighting

i think it's been long enough i don't care about the endless reasons to get pellegrino back on the show and i'm just happy to see him and his overflowing charisma

LUCIFER Mm. Yeah. Alright, team. I don't want to bring ants to your picnic, but that ain't gonna cut it. Okay, think about it. If the Empty pulled me off the bench, it's 'cause the Winchester charm ain't enough, right?

harsh but fair

LOL new death, dead death, lucifer actually working with chuck, dead lucifer. we're making it snappy, folks

haha and now michael was working with chuck too and he's dead. this is sure something

gotta get them covered in blood and beaten to a pulp for old times' sake

okie doke. they figured out the michael business, jack is a power vacuum, sure. we gotta wrap this up, fellas

haha makes me think of this 1998 merlin miniseries with sam neill when they all turn their back on queen mab and she loses her powers because everyone forgets about her

SAM Then I think it's the ending where you're just like us and like all the other humans you forgot about. DEAN It's the ending where you grow old, you get sick, and you just die. SAM And no one cares. And no one remembers you. You're just forgotten.

i think about it a lot so i made some gifs a while back 😂

all right. de-raptured and people indoors

not sure how i feel about this whole speech from jack about how he's gonna be as new god and basically around but not around. sucks they semi-lost their kid too

SAM You know, with Chuck not writing our story anymore, we get to write our own. You know, just you and me going wherever the story takes us. Just us. DEAN Finally, free.

kind of surprised this wasn't the finale honestly, especially with that montage that managed to get me crying.

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 15x19 #eugenie ross leming #brad buckner

[watchingspnagain]

Rewatching Death Takes a Holiday

Welcome to “All This Ep Needs Is Cas and a Pottery Wheel: A Supernatural Rewatch Blog” with Lor and Mace!

Up today, s4e15: Death Takes a Holiday

Bobby alerts the boys to a town where no one has died for weeks—even those who definitely should have, like a man who was shot point-blank in the chest. Upon investigation, they find the last person to die in the town, a teenager named Cole, who reports that when he died a Reaper appeared but was then taken away by black smoke. With help from Pam, Sam and Dean enter the spirit world, where they discover that Alastair is kidnapping reapers because killing Reapers is one of the seals. They are able to stop Alastair from breaking the seal, but Pam is killed by a demon before they can help her. After the boys stop Alaister, he confronts Dean alone and tells Dean that he cannot escape him. Castiel appears, zapping Alastair away, and congratulates Dean on stopping the seal from breaking before revealing that it was not Bobby who called them about the town, but him. Dean askes Cas why they can’t make more exceptions about who has to die—after all, Cas saved him from hell. Dean is unimpressed by Cas’s answer that Dean is different.

Below is a log of our real-time reactions as we watched. Remember that there may be spoilers for any part of SPN’s 15-season run here. Note also that the nature of our conversation is adult and thus it may contain adult language and themes.

 [and we begin:]

Mace:

ugh alastair. he’s so gross

   Lor:

nothing stays dead in Supernatural

   Mace:

snork

except women

   Lor:

except extras in the cold open, so something's hinky

HA

   Mace:

and sometimes gays

   Lor:

stupid show

   Mace:

the worst

no, you’re a donut, you donut

   Lor:

RIGHT?

who uses donut that way? (I love you, Dean)

   Mace:

Ha!

   Lor:

aw, fraught brothers

   Mace:

oh Jesus, Dean, stop being a drama queen and get in the car

   Lor:

LOL

   Mace:

Iiii, don’t remember this ep at all (so far at least)

   Lor:

I have the vaguest recollection but I don't know where they are going at all

   Mace:

ooooh CAS REFERENCE (sort of)

   Lor:

CAAAAAAAAS

I mean, Dean was literally just pulled out of hell by an angel, guys

I mean, I have seen this show before, so I know it's not miracles, but THEY HAVEN'T

   Mace:

Ha! Yeah, but that wasn’t really a miracle for miracle’s sake.

   Lor:

no it was for eyefucking's sake

   Mace:

SNORK

god, Dean, stop being such a grump

   Lor:

is Dean wearing gloves? immediately starts crocheting him mittens

   Mace:

“the normal rules don’t really apply to us” listen to your brother, Dean, he’s smort

snork

   Lor:

EXCUSE ME. he's Jim the Mechanic

"I don't have a good answer"

   Mace:

HA

   Lor:

dammit Dean now I want something fried

   Mace:

HAHAHAHA EW

omg Sam that’s so hot

   Lor:

blood freak!Sam is hot

   Mace:

HAHAHAHAHAHA

   Lor:

HAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA

   Mace:

stay in your lane, Lor

   Lor:

LOL

apologies

   Mace:

“no thanks, House"

   Lor:

brings Dean an ibuprofren and snuggles him

Sam you LIAR

   Mace:

oh sam, your pants are on fire

   Lor:

just because you look so good in that hoodie

   Mace:

exactly

   Lor:

aaaaah, breaking seals

right. that's what this season is about

I always forget that we go through a whole season of this before the apocalypse stuff

   Mace:

roger that. i’d forgotten too

right?!

SAM nice word choice

   Lor:

hahaha the boys' facial expressions

   Mace:

YES

ah, Outsiders reference

   Lor:

oh shut up Pam it's been like twice. just because you lost your eyes sheesh

NICE

   Mace:

god, Dean, eat a piece of cheese

   Lor:

LOL

aww lookitem all lying down

   Mace:

oh, this doesn’t end well for her does it?

   Lor:

I don't remember

I think no

I think she gets horrible dead

   Mace:

yeah

   Lor:

DEAN WINCHESTER

   Mace:

is it weird that they’re even hotter dead

   Lor:

no?

   Mace:

BACK OFF, HAG

   Lor:

GOD SAM IS HOT IN THIS ONE

   Mace:

RIGHT?!?!

“get out of me” HAHAHAHA

   Lor:

LOLOL

   Mace:

DEAN WINCHESTER NO

   Lor:

I love that Dean is like "what can I poke as a ghost"

   Mace:

YES

   Lor:

"thanks, Haley Joel" haaaaahahahaha

   Mace:

snork

   Lor:

and the face Dean makes

   Mace:

YES

   Lor:

wait Dean doesn't remember Tessa?

   Mace:

yeah, why doesn’t he remember that

   Lor:

huh

   Mace:

weird

   Lor:

I'm gonna assume that was just an expediency to remind the audience

   Mace:

yeah

sloppy, though

   Lor:

yeah

   Mace:

mmm the high freckle count makes up for it

   Lor:

YES

nrrrrrf the HOODIE

   Mace:

YES

   Lor:

Sam what are you doing

   Mace:

oh Sam are you lying to a kid?!

   Lor:

all the supernatural creatures want Dean. Reapers, Angels, God, the Darkness

   Mace:

yeah

   Lor:

oh Dean

   Mace:

omg the looks they give the kid when he doesn’t know Karate Kid

   Lor:

and now Dean has to pause the hunt to sit down and watch Karate Kid with Cole

YES

   Mace:

omg Sam’s laugh

   Lor:

YES

"you gotta teach us that"

   Mace:

HAHAHA he’s the only kid in the room right there

   Lor:

YES

   Mace:

ewewewew

so gross

   Lor:

did they forget that ghosts have weaknesses?

ooof this particular Alastair is SO creepy

   Mace:

hence my ews

   Lor:

yeah

   Mace:

arctic craphole hahahaha

   Lor:

lol

SHE DIDN'T ALREADY HAVE THE DOOR LOCKED?!

   Mace:

right?!

   Lor:

she's blind and sitting in a room with two dead bodies what the hell?

   Mace:

tsk

you can SEE Dean thinking fast

   Lor:

YES

   Mace:

don’t shit your pants, boys

   Lor:

LOL

you're not wearing a skirt, Pam

   Mace:

Koons, give her her common wordplay

   Lor:

grumbles

OMG LOOKIT HIM

   Mace:

YAS

so young

   Lor:

RIGHT?

and so rumbly voiced

and sex-haired

   Mace:

HAHAHA

   Lor:

"whatever I ask, you seem to do the exact opposite"

   Mace:

“you seem to do the exact opposite”

HAHAHA

   Lor:

get used to that Cas, that's just Dean

you'll love it eventually

   Mace:

yep

as a parent, this hurts me

   Lor:

yeah

"we're all scared"

   Mace:

“sooner than you think” FUCK YOU 987439282

   Lor:

RIGHT?!

omg their faces

   Mace:

right?

   Lor:

and Dean trying to tell her she's going somewhere better after that speech Tessa just gave him

   Mace:

yeah

I don’t really get why they’d write that for him

   Lor:

yeah, it seems like he's holding onto the idea of a better place way harder than I'd expect him to

   Mace:

yeah, it doesn't track

he’s too pessimistic, and he knows she’s too smart to believe him

   Lor:

yeah

   Mace:

and he’s generally not insincere

   Lor:

nope

   Mace:

overall, pretty sloppy writing in that one

   Lor:

both of the boys lied to dying/dead people in this ep, and they both feel a little ooc

#watchingspnagain #watchingspnagain 4x15 #supernatural #spn #spn 4x15 #spn meta #spn spoilers #watchingspnagain demons #watchingspnagain dean sleeping #watchingspnagain ooc #watchingspnagain treatment of female characters #watchingspnagain treatment of queer characters #watchingspnagain where's the angel?!

[incarnateirony]

God beyond the player that knows SPN/TW and my Modern BS learning this is in fact 20+ year bullshit I have a forgotten realms scale handbook for there's this other player that's sharp AND invested as hell and just them constantly going WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK.

It's so fucking funny, like yes, you're in the Akrida hole. You're in The Moment, The Breath. The Queen is Underground. Face it. You can't fight your trauma, but you can face it. Yes, the fracture, the rupture, that is where he lives, do not strike back, that is what he wants, until we all Forget. No memory--nothing. ....Nothing.

Oh, you mean the cosmic chicken snake and egg snake guy is even running from his own shit? Snake eating its tail? He just wants to forget. This Nidhogg Bullshit is just a piece of existence bits, regrets and fears trying to put itself away but made loud, resonating over Life and Death twisted into infinity, and every possible world, even ones ended, in The Moment, The Breath, beyond creation, Chaos of Void Defined. Being.

Mom, I need you to see me. Maybe Roxy wasn't the Queen? Take a deep breath. I am centered. I am at peace. I make my own path. And I walk in it fearlessly.

I think the way this campaign's Bloody Shield was designed and what his focuses and perspectives are along with the player half understanding my bullshit (SPN fan person), this may actually be a successful one.

Person used to furries fucking: oh

It's so funny bc if you play Lateralus project in the background pure audio it's like, here you go, here's your questions and your answers, but i know players will never try going "I don't know SPN" and not realizing, I'm saying turn off the video, just listen, I swear it's literally all in there, because it always is. One always does put their All into their Work, as One Does.

[gywin97]

Do you think you could write something for sabriel? It’s my favorite ship in spn but i just can’t find any good fics. I saw a comment from you about writing so just curious

“…this is new.”

Gabriel glanced over his shoulder at the younger hunter, standing in the doorway to his bedroom with a cup of coffee and his laptop. The archangel was sitting cross-legged on Sam’s bed, wearing Cookie-Monster pajama pants but completely shirtless. Usually that would be what grabbed Sam’s attention, but right now the six golden wings were stealing the show. Sure, Sam had technically seen them before as shadows when Gabriel was in a smiting mood, or maybe felt a gust of wind when the angel popped in for a surprise visit. But he’d never seen them like this, big and beautiful and sleek and getting feathers absolutely fuckin everywhere. It looked like Big Bird had blown up in his bedroom.

“Hey Sammy,” Gabriel said in his usually cheerful tone, although Sam noticed it sounded a little flat today. “Oooh, is that coffee? Can I have some?”

“Not on your life, not after the Redbull incident,” Sam warned, placing the coffee on the nightstand and well out of reach of the ADHD angel. “What’s going on?”

“Uh…” Gabriel shifted awkwardly, his eyes darting downwards and his hands curling in the bedsheets. “If I say it’s nothing, would you believe me?”

“No.”

“Figured,” he sighed, Gabriel’s face shifting into what could only be described as a pout, and Sam had to remind himself this was a godly being who would smite him without breaking a sweat. “Ok, so our feathers kinda turn from winter to summer feathers, and uh, the winter feathers have to go somewhere-”

“Are you saying you molting!?” Sam squeaked, then realized something else. “In my bed?! Gabriel!!”

“Sorry, sorry, it’s just – it’s really, reallyitchy, ok?” Gabriel almost whined the words, feathers ruffling along his wings in agitation. “Actually, that’s kinda why I’m here, I need a favor.”

Oh Chuck above. “A favour?”

“Nothing hard! Not even any murder involved!” Gabriel insisted quickly, holding up his hands to stop any oncoming complaints. “It’s just a vessel issue, that’s all. See, human body equals human joints. I uh, can’t reach my back side of my wings, especially close to my spine. I was hoping…”

“You want my help?” Sam couldn’t hide the surprise in his voice, the angel avoiding his eyes again. “Can’t you just, I don’t know, poof them away?”

“Poof them away – no, Sam, that’s not how it works,” Gabriel gave him a dirty look. “We can’t ‘magic’ our own wings. Dad’s little joke, to force all the angels to get along at least twice a year. Course, that was before we started stabbing our way through our family reunions, so now…”

“So this happens to everyone? To Cas, too?” The scientist in Sam got excited, hands itching to write all this down. “How does he deal with it?”

To his surprise, Gabriel looked at his toes. One hand scratched his shoulder, the celestial being fidgeting nervously as he though through his answer. “Well, since our brother’s have started doing the dirty deed-”

“-Dear god Gabriel-”

“He’s had Dean-o to help him out,” Gabriel explained, still not meeting Sam’s eyes. “Our grace can get a little wonkey, so we get an instinct to go find somewhere…”

“Somewhere?”

“…somewhere safe,” Gabriel said, his usually bright voice almost a whisper. “Or someone safe.”

Oh. Oh.

Sam wanted to smack himself when he realized what the annoying angel was trying to say. Gabriel’s instinct was to find somewhere safe, somewhere he felt he could let his guard down completely. To find someone who he trusted enough to show his vulnerability to.

And he’d come to Sam.

Gabriel must have seen the realization in his eyes, because he straightened his back and gave his usual cocky grin. “Hey, probably should have asked before I turned your room into a chicken coop. I-”

“How can I help?”

Gabriel stiffened, and Sam wished he could take a picture of his face. The angel looked almost cute like this, all big eyes with a little smile and small feathers mingled in his hair. The image gave the hunter a warm feeling in his chest, one he decidedly did not want to look to closely at. “Just…brush out the areas I can’t reach with your fingers, like you would with your hair. Oh, and some feathers will fall out when you do, so don’t freak out.”

“Alright,” Sam took a shaky breath and rearranged himself on the queen-sized bed, sitting directly behind the shorter man. He lifted one hand and tentatively touched the upper right wing, half expecting his hand to fall through like it was one of Gabriel’s illusions. Instead his hand landed on soft feathers, feeling hard bone and lean muscle just underneath. He gently pulled his hand downwards, sinking his fingers deeper into the fluff as he went along. Gabriel let out an audible sigh, as he did, a content little smile on his face.

“Mhmm…you’re a natural, Sam…” Gabriel wiggled slightly, directing his hand to a particularly itchy spot. “There, like that. Little left – Yeeeeeahhhh, like that.”

Sam grinned, enjoying the effect he had on the cocky angel. This being had seen and created galaxies, and yet here he was, almost purring as Sam moved his hands up and down the wings. A small pile of golden feathers compiled on the ground next to the bed, the pile growing bigger as Gabriel grew limper. By the time Sam had finished one side, he was basically holding the angel upright, his face completely at peace. The last time he’d seen someone with that blissed-out expression, Dean ate the wrong brownies and spent an evening gushing about how pretty Castiel’s eyes were.

Getting an idea, Sam finished the feather’s closest to the angel’s back, clearing out the last few loose feathers. Then he rested his right hand on Gabriel’s shoulder, gently pulling him towards his chest. Gabriel didn’t resist at all, easily falling backwards and laying limp against Sam. Honestly, Sam wasn’t even sure if the angel had noticed the change in position, but the action made a warm bubble appear in Sam’s chest. He wound one arm around the angel’s chubby waist, cautiously holding the angel even closer.

Gabriel made a happy little chirp, shifting a little so that his face was tucked into Sam’s collar bone. He wiggled a bit to get comfy, half on Sam’s lap at this point and showing no sign of moving. “Mhmm…hey, Sammy?”

Sam froze like Dean had caught him stealing the last piece of pie. Oh shit. “Uh, yeah?”

“I’m uh, really glad I came here,” the angel mumbled, not opening his eyes as he spoke. “Even if I messed up your bedroom.”

Sam gave a breathy laugh, tilting his head down and burying his nose in the golden-brown curls. His other arm snaked under the wings, pulling the pint-sized angel flush against his larger chest. “Good, because I’d be pissed if you went to Dean for this next time.”

“Cassie would smite me, possessive little chickadee,” Gabriel replied, and Sam could feel his body shake as he laughed. “Scout’s honor, I’ll only come to you for all my feathery needs from now on. Um, on one condition?”

“What is it?”

One hazel eye peeked open, looking up hopefully at the hunter. “Can you finish the other wings now? Please? Still itchy.”

Sam broke out in a laugh, unable to stop it. He hadn’t felt this happy in a long time, Gabriel pulling out a lightness that he’d almost forgotten. “Yeah Gabe, anything you want.”

Gabriel smirked, hazel eyes fully of mischief. “That’s a dangerous sentence to tell me, Sambo. Sure you wanna stand by that?”

Sam grinned, leaning down at kissing Gabriel’s shoulder, slowly moving up along his neck. The angel let out another happy little chirp, curling up against Sam like a kitten curling up in a sunbeam. Sam smile against his skin, the happy bubble in his chest growing bigger.

“Yeah, I’ll risk it.”

#Sabriel #Sam winchester #Gabriel #supernatural #fanfic #this is really quick and really rough i'm sorry

[tearsofgrace]

never enough

15.18 coda

it’s not happy... 

word count: 1.5k, tags: cw suicide, spn spoilers (obvs), mcd, angst, deal with the empty, idk it’s just sad guys

also on archive

It took him hours to notice it. He hadn’t felt it in the moment. Hadn’t felt the Cas’ hand stick slightly to his shoulder as it pushed him away, leaving him to face the Empty alone.

But now that he’d noticed it, it was all he could look at. That bright red handprint standing out starkly against his jacket. It was perfect, really. Not a drop out of place. Just a handprint and nothing else. That was all he had left.

The handprint where Castiel had “gripped him tight and raised him from perdition.” And now he’d saved him one more time. Same shoulder, same placement, same sting when Dean looked at it.

It was poetic in the cruelest of ways. And if it weren’t for everything, he would have thought this was Chuck’s writing. But, no. Castiel was the only part of Chuck’s story that he couldn’t control. Because Cas had fallen.

Cas had fallen in love with him. And Dean loved him back. Of course he did.

But he’d been too cowardly to say it back. How could he? When his best friend in the entire world looked at him with an expression that could only be described as pure unadulterated joy and said the words Dean had been longing to hear his whole life… how could he say them back?

So he hadn’t. He’d begged Cas not to do this. Not to be taken away. But Cas hadn’t listened. It had been too late anyway. His joy was sealed, and so was his fate. He didn’t need to hear it back to be happy.

“I love you too,” Dean whispered to the empty room.

His eyes were dry now. He’d ran out of tears a few hours ago, but the sobs had continued for some time. Gasping, heaving, no room for air in his lungs because all he could feel was crushing disappointment, sadness, anger, self-loathing.

He’d had the chance to give Cas everything in his final moments.

And they were his final moments. He had no delusions about that. Cas was never coming back. Ever. There were no deals, no resurrections, no last ditch efforts to save him. He was just gone. The love of Dean’s life was gone.

Sam hadn’t called again. He probably assumed Dean was dead. He might as well be. Or maybe Sam was dead, Jack too.

The back of Dean’s gun dug into his side and he almost reached for it. His family was gone. So he might as well join them in eternal damnation.

But something stopped him. Some hope instilled in him by Cas’ words, even though now he was gone.

Cas had loved him. He had made Cas happy.

He looked down at the handprint again and fit his hand into it. It shouldn’t have still been wet. Not now. But it was, sticking slightly to Dean’s fingers.

He leaned his head back against the wall, the cold floor becoming uncomfortable beneath him. He wouldn’t leave tonight. He could stay alive. If only to stand up to Chuck when he had nothing left.

I love you, the words rang in his ear and he dry sobbed again, wishing there were tears left to fall.

Why hadn’t he just said it back? He’d meant it. He loved Cas. Maybe he always had. And not like he loved Sam. It was just Cas, only Cas, Cas was gone.

Distantly, he heard the bunker door open and close. At least Sam or Jack had made it out. Then again, that could be Chuck coming to drag him away. Coming to gloat that the flaw in his plan, the hiccup that Cas had caused again and again was gone.

Without Cas, they couldn’t win. Cas was what Chuck wasn’t expecting. He’d fought for Dean over and over. He’d shown his love over and over. And Dean had been too stubborn to see it, too stubborn to accept it.

Cas, the one Dean had abandoned and betrayed.

Cas, the one who came back ever single time.

Cas, the broken angel who had fallen too far.

And he was dead.

Dean pulled his hand from the handprint and looked to the ceiling. Searching for a sign, an answer, any comfort to remove the pit that had settled in his stomach weighing him down. He’d never felt like this. Not when Sam had died. Not when Mom had died. Hell, not even when Cas had died before.

This was different.

This was floating face down in a pool, weightless because everything was crushing inward. This was drowning, lungs filling up with pain that left no room for anything else. This was falling off a building willingly, death just inches below him, but not quite being able to reach it because he didn’t have the energy to die. This was a fate far worse than death.

He didn’t look up when Sam came into the room, Jack right behind him.

He barely reacted when Sam looked around frantically, crouching by his brother and shaking his shoulders, trying to see if he was okay.

He didn’t move until Sam asked in a quite voice, as if he was afraid of the answer, “Where’s Cas?”

Only then did he look up at his brother, his eyes rimmed red but completely dry. Sam’s eyes fell to the handprint on his shoulder and he knelt next to Dean. Jack stood over them, his head tilted curiously but something on his face saying he knew exactly where Cas was.

“Dean, what happened?” Sam said, resting an arm on his shoulder. Not the one with the handprint. Not the one that mattered. Not the one that stung with loss.

“He’s gone,” Dean said hoarsely. He’d have to tell him at some point. He’d have to get it over with. He’d have to let his soul open up and let out his darkest secret.

“The Empty?” Jack asked quietly, and Dean jerked his face up to look at him. Jack had known. He’d known about the deal. Of course he had… it was to save him.

Dean nodded mutley and his hands started shaking again. Gone, gone, gone. Cas was gone. Alone. Forgotten. In love with no clue that it was returned.

“What the hell?” Sam said, shifting to get more comfortable.

“He made a deal,” Jack supplied. His voice was tight with emotion. Dean risked a glance up at him. He looked just as alone as Dean felt. His father had been taken from him. “To save me,” he continued. "When he experienced a moment of true happiness, he would be taken.”

True happiness, Dean thought bitterly. It had been happiness enough to tell him. He’d seen that on Cas’ face. The joy, the freedom, the relief. He’d been carrying this for years.

“Cas wasn’t happy?” That was all Sam said. Disbelief written across his face, hanging in his voice.

He could have been.

“Dean,” Jack started, and Dean looked back at the floor. He knew what was coming. He’d been prepared for this. But he still couldn’t do it. “What made him happy?”

He couldn’t look at the kid. Not now. So instead he looked up at Sam, his eyes broken, pleading for him to understand. To understand why he was sinking lower and lower as every happy thought left his body. To understand why he would never be truly happy again. To understand that today, he’d lost everything.

Sam’s eyes widened just a fraction and then he nodded once, slowly. And Dean thought he was going to drop it there. But he understood even better than that. He understood that Dean needed to say it. “What did he say?” he asked softly.

“He said,” Dean took a deep breath. “He said he loved me.” He started crying again. No tears, just shaking shoulders and desperate gasps for air that wasn’t there. “And I-” he cleared his throat, trying to gain control. “I didn’t say it back.”

This time Sam reached across and pulled him into a tight hug, Dean shaking as he cried silently into his shoulder.

“He knew,” his brother said simply. “Of course he knew.”

No one spoke after that. They just sat there, reeling in shock. Cas was gone. Cas was what held this family together, what gave them a chance, and he was stuck somewhere completely alone, eternal emptiness finally laying its hold on him.

Dean wanted to shout to Sam that it didn’t matter if Cas had known. Because Dean hadn’t told him. Because Cas had seemed like he didn’t know. Because Cas had said that happiness was just in being. Was just in saying it.

But he didn’t know.

How could he know?

Happiness would have been waking up next to each other. Happiness would have been going on walks hand in hand, soft smiles exchanged between breathless kisses. Happiness would have been getting into stupid arguments and laughing when they were finally resolved. Happiness would have been being with each other, completely, entirely. Giving themselves over wholly, not to God and his angels, but to the other. Happiness would have been 3 AM movie parties and midafternoon cuddle sessions. Wiping away each other's tears and kissing away the pain.

So, yes. They could have been happy. Could have had it all.

But they didn’t.

And now they never would.

tag list below! ask to be added or removed:)

@fandomstuff67 @menjiiii @castielss @starlightcastiel @chaoticdean @larryforeveralways @dreamnovak @flowersforcas @tlakhtwritesdestiel @wanderingcas @prayedtoyou @good-things-do-happen-dean @jayus-fandom-writer @cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you @gmotheemo @starrynightdeancas @radiantdean @piemaker-from-gallifrey @on-a-bender @eshaninjer @trasherasswood @dreadful-delight @feraladoration @trenchcas @contemplativepancakes @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @thefourthheadofcerberus @seffersonjtarship @randomblabbling @craftywitchywoman @supernaturalisheaven @adsp-destielcockles @tehmanda @castielscrookedtrenchcoat @queen-rowenas @expectingtofly

#spn spoilers #cw suicide #destiel #mcd #spn fic #destiel fic #spn fanfic #supernatural fanfic #spn fan fiction #destiel fanfic #deancas fic #destiel ficlet #my writing

[waywardnerd67]

Roleplaying

Title: Roleplaying Summary: (Y/N) askes Jensen to try something new during hiatus. Paring: Jensen x Reader Word Count: 1036 Rating: E - Everyone Warnings: Fluff Square Filled: Trying Something New Bingo Card: @spndeanbingo​ A/N: None

Check Out: SPN Dean Bingo Masterlist

A content sigh escaped Jensen’s lips as he stretched his body out over his bed. He had arrived home late last night officially on hiatus for the summer. He had a few interviews to do this morning, but after that the day was his to do as he pleased. Pushing himself up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he looked down at his phone seeing a text waiting for him.

Good morning handsome! Enjoy your first day of hiatus and I will see you later this afternoon. Don’t forget about our plans for the night. Love you!

He had almost forgotten about having plans for the night as the  memory of his wife, (Y/N) asking him about trying something new with her popped into his mind.

Three Weeks Earlier

His weekends home were never long enough, but the light at the end of the tunnel of another Supernatural season was in sight. He watched as (Y/N) was reaching new characters for her latest book while chatting with a friend of theirs. Ending her call and closing her laptop, she snuggled into his side.

“I want to run something by you, but I’m a little nervous too.”

He looked down at her fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, “I’m super curious, please go on.”

“The weekend you come home for hiatus, I was wondering if maybe you would be willing to try…” she bit her lip averting her eyes from his.

He lifted her chin bringing her beautiful eyes back to his, “Try what?”

Taking a deep breath, “Try some roleplaying with me?”

“Roleplaying?” She confirmed that he had heard her right as his mind immediately imagined several different scenarios to act out with her, “Absolutely, if you want to then yes, of course.”

(Y/N)’s smile was radiating, “Really? I thought maybe you wouldn’t be into this type of thing, but this is great. Thank you!” She learned to kiss him before snuggling back into his side.

***

Since that night, Jensen had been dreaming and fantasizing about what kind of sexy roleplaying they would try. Some of his favorites were strangers meeting at a bar or pizza man delivering to a lonely girl. Even now, as he sat on a conference call with Jared and a reporter from Chicago he could not keep the images from flashing before his eyes. The more he thought about it, the longer the day seemed to drag on. Trying to distract himself, he decided to work on some projects around their house. He had just finished mowing the grass when (Y/N) called.

“Hey honey, on your way home?”

There was a long sigh, “Not yet. Hey could you do me a favor? Grab a change of clothes for me along with my bookbag from my office and meet me at Jared’s.”

“We’re going over to Jared’s tonight? I thought we were going to try out the whole roleplaying thing?” Jensen walked into the house heading towards their room.

“We are over at Jared’s. Hey I have to get back to this meeting. I will see you there. Love you.” She ended the call as he stared down at his phone for a moment before sending a text to Jared.

Hey buddy, are you alright with this whole plan for tonight?

There was an immediate response confusing him even more.

Absolutely! (Y/N) told me all about it. Should be a fun time tonight. See ya in about an hour.

Running his hand over his hair, before it dawned on Jensen what she had planned. A wide smile spread across his face, excitement buzzing throughout his body. After taking a shower, he grabbed some clothes for (Y/N) and her bag which was surprisingly heavy making his way to his car.

Arriving at Jared’s he was surprised to see quite a few cars in the driveway including (Y/N)’s. Walking inside was like walking in on a Supernatural wrap party. Felicia Day, DJ Qualls, Jared and (Y/N) were all standing around the dining room table.

“Jensen, finally I can change out of this stupid dress.” (Y/N) rushed over to him grabbing her bags.

That is when everything became clear to what they were doing at Jared’s. His cheeks burned while his stomach dropped seeing the table set up with a map, dice and several books he recognized from her bookshelf. He followed her upstairs to the guest room shutting the door behind him.

“Handsome, why did you bring me a dress and fishnet stockings to wear?” She held up the clothes he had picked out for her role.

He looked down at his feet, the weight of his misunderstanding sitting heavily on his shoulders, “When you said roleplaying you meant the game you play with Jared once a month.”

She nodded then her eyes went from the clothes to his burning face laughter erupting from her, “Oh my god, you thought I meant… oh Jensen… I-I’m so sorry…”

“I should’ve known. I’ll go back home and get you different clothes.” He turned towards the door just as her arms wrapped around his waist.

“No, don’t leave. I’m really sorry. I could have been more clear about what I was asking. Are you still willing to play Dungeons and Dragons with us? You’re not the only new player tonight. Jared convinced Zac Levi to come and play too.”

His eyes snapped up to hers narrowing in on them, “Well I think I have to stay and play so you don’t run off with you nerd crush.”

She stepped away from him pulling the simple green dress over her head and slipped on the crimson one shoulder dress on, “If I was going to run away with anyone other than you it would be Felicia, my nerd queen.” She walked out of the room chuckling leaving him stunned in the room alone.

That night he learned two things. One, (Y/N) was an amazing storyteller and brought to life a whole world for them that made him beam with pride. Two, he actually enjoyed hanging out and being nerdy with everyone but he would never let any of them know it.

If you enjoyed this story then check out my Masterlist!

For updates please follow #waywardnerd67fics

#spndeanbingo #waywardnerd67fics #jensen ackles fanfiction #jensen ackles fanfic #jensen ackles x reader #fluff

[thran-duils]

You’re Now Mine (P.14)

Title: You’re Now Mine (Part 14) Summary:  Fulfilling a request for @lets-personofinterestontumbir! – “Could you do a drabble for the Persephone AU I don’t know If you’ve seen once upon a time but the episode 1x07 reminded me a lot of this story when the evil queen ripped out the huntsmen’s heart if you could do something like that it would be awesome. Thank you.” Words: 1,795 Warnings: DARK AF, Emotional/Mental abuse, smut Author’s Note: Sorry for such a long delay but I needed inspo which I have now! I am glad though that I waited because I was given a whole new storyline idea to take it now that we know what we know about the SPN verse.

Chap 13 || Chap 15 || Masterpost (mobile) || Fanfic masterpost

“You… killed… them.”

Upon landing back in his throne room in hell, it had taken a few moments for you to wrap your head around what had transpired. Your friends – your family – were dead. And Lucifer had killed them.

“Yes.” Lucifer’s tone was cold as he pulled away from you, leaving you. You stumbled a bit, hand coming to rest on the back of his throne.

Lucifer breathed deeply; his gaze pointed upwards. “Wasn’t it you that mentioned my dad? You know how he hasn’t shown up?” You choked out a small noise, which he took as an answer. He turned his head to look back at you, brows raised expectantly. “What is the best way to get him to show up if you think those fucking idiots are important?”

At loss for words, tears pricked your eyes, feeling the grief coming on like a wave. Lucifer must have noticed because he turned around completely and came back to your side. Leaning down, he forced you to look at him through your bleary gaze.

“To kill them, princess. To kill them.”

He said it so nonchalantly. He dismissed them so flippantly, what they meant to you. He always had. He did not seem to care about your feelings at all and to be frank, he seemed to never have had. Flaring anger scorched through you then.

“Why did you do that?” you shouted, losing your cool.

“I just told you why. Are you deaf?”

“That makes absolutely no sense! You just wanted them dead! You’ve always wanted them dead! How do you even know he cares about them that much?”

“Not that I have to explain anything to you, but… think about it, Y/N. Dad has been ignoring us. All of us. While none of us were injured or you know, dead. If he loves the Winchesters so much, well… I sure as hell have his attention now.”

Chest heaving, you exclaimed, “What if he doesn’t bring them back?”

“Well, then what you said is still true. I did want them dead and now they are. You don’t need them anyway.”

“No! You don’t get to kill my family and then expect me to be okay with it! Get mad at me! Lock me in my room and let me starve again! I don’t care!”

You started hyperventilating.

To your immense shock, Lucifer was gentle, pulling you close.

He cooed, “You’ll be alright, princess. You have me.”

You had him. All you had was him now. That was the truth.

Lucifer nuzzled his nose into your neck. “Shh.” His arms tightened around you protectively. “I was doing what was best for you. And for all of us. We need dad to come give us a well, fucking deserved assist. He owes it to us. Especially to you.” He kissed the top of your head, giving your body a squeeze. “Plus, I have been preparing such a lovely place for you. Away from here. Portugal.”

“I don’t want to go to Portugal,” you choked out.

He pulled away, peering down at you. “I know your little emotions are whirling, my darling, sweet kitten.” He pecked the tip of your nose. “Hmm, you are okay. I’ll make it okay. You’ll be happy there. It’ll be top side. You’ll have sunlight. A beautiful forest. Acres to walk, get your exercise. This wasn’t working here anymore, obviously. Too many loose ends and back doors. Where I’ve got your new home, you’ll be protected from all angles.”

This is what it had come to. One gilded cage traded for another.

“Can I take you? I think it’ll help you calm down,” he practically purred.

His hands wandered, pulling you closer to him.

“Please? I worked so hard.”

“I…” you breathed, not finding the strength to continue.

He leaned down, cusping your face. He placed a slow long kiss on your forehead.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

<> <> <>

“Lucifer.”

Lucifer could not hold the contempt from his dry laugh. Turning around, he found Chuck perched up further the staircase leading down to the edge of the mountain. Lucifer was making himself more available, going to different locations on the planet, exposed, just waiting for Chuck to appear. He was not sure if he was more disappointed that he had; it might have meant something if even disposing of the Winchesters did not bring his dad to show his face.

“Wow. The Winchesters are really what it took for you to show up, huh?” Lucifer asked, masking his hurt as he turned around. “Not anything else going wrong in the world? No, just those blabbering, flannel wearing morons. Good to know.”

“You know how important they are. I explained that to you, Lucifer. At the beginning. Or have you forgotten?”

Lucifer waved him off, stepping off, going to the edge of the cliff. He stared off the edge, hands in his pockets, jaw clenched.

“You’re going to have to give her back.”

This caused Lucifer to pay attention, turning his head to pierce his father with a stare.

Chuck told him firmly, “She’s not meant for you.”

“Says you, here in this little play through.”

It was Chuck’s turn to stiffen. Lucifer knew more about his father’s plans and games than he was comfortable with.

“Right,” Lucifer chuckled darkly, throwing up jazz hands. “I don’t know anything about that. Tell me though, do you like me more in the other places? Did you lock them away too?”

Chuck was silent, watching Lucifer closely.

“What I feel isn’t a fluke though, daddy-o. And you can’t just chalk it up to whatever the hell Castiel feels because I can assure you, I am very apt at separating myself from that. I wanted to squeeze Dean’s head like a pimple every time I had to exchange the same air as him.” He mimicked squeezing the life out of an object. “It was tiresome to put it lightly. But, say, what made you decide to try to pair Y/N with a foot angel this time around? Was it just to really stick it to me?”

“Castiel is more than a foot angel.”

Snorting, Lucifer responded, “Not to me.”

“What you feel isn’t my concern about it,” Chuck said, causing Lucifer to snap his mouth shut, glaring. “He needed her here. In this place. Every world is different.”

After a few beats, Lucifer cocked his head to the side. He chirped, “What are the other mes like?”

Chuck bypassed the question, stepping away from Lucifer. “I didn’t change you. Like you’re insinuating I did in ‘this play through’. And that has proven to be a mistake.”

“You made a mistake?’ Lucifer crowed.

“It’s been known to happen. Rarely. But nonetheless…” Chuck said tightly.

“You didn’t foresee her and I ever being face to face here. You planned on them never releasing me,” Lucifer challenged. Chuck’s silence was all the answer he needed. “That wasn’t in your grand scheme. Well, you can thank your broken toys for that one. Luckily, they’re dead now. No more trouble and mishaps from here on out.”

“They’re not dead, Lucifer.”

That almost knocked Lucifer flat but he recovered quickly, anger rolling up from the pit of his stomach. He laughed out loud, boisterously. And in a second, a flip switched, and he practically shouted, “REALLY?”

“I need them, and you know it,” Chuck told him calmly in the face of Lucifer’s outburst. Lucifer turned away from him, scoffing loudly, trying to regain control of his emotions again. Chuck walked down a few steps to come closer and told him sincerely, “That being said, I know you’re upset. And you should be. I want to make it up to you.”

“You want to make it up to me,” Lucifer repeated sarcastically under his breath.

“Yes. I need your help.” Lucifer scoffed again and Chuck emphasized, “Again. I know that’s asking a lot, but I think it should suffice if I do something for you in return. Something big. Of your choosing that won’t jeopardize what we need to do here with Amara.”

Rolling the proposal around his in his mind, Lucifer was silent and Chuck waited patiently.

Without turning back around, Lucifer ordered, “Make her forget about Castiel.”

“You’ve only ever been in his vessel to her. It’s his face. And I won’t be killing him.”

“Honestly, don’t kill him. Let him suffer without her knowing him. He’s been such an annoying gnat to me this millennia and even more so this last year.” He added, “And you know, like you can’t make that memory obsolete if I had a new vessel that you could put in its place.”

Chuck merely gave an uptick of his lip to acknowledge what Lucifer said was true.

“Give me back Nick. He was a good vessel. If you want to make it up to me, this is how.”

“You’re forgetting everyone she knows and has relationships with outside of Castiel.”

“They don’t matter!” Lucifer bellowed, losing his temper. “I know you let me have her in other realities. And it’s not just because of Castiel that she feels for me too. If it was just him, she would never give me an inch of what I ask.”

Silence fell between them.

Chuck finished walking down the stairs to stand before Lucifer. He shrugged, “So, just for you and only you?”

“Yes,” Lucifer spat, exasperated.

“She is going to die eventually, Lucifer. What will you do then?”

“She hasn’t been aging under my care,” Lucifer informed him. Chuck cocked his head, his eyes only widening ever so slightly, causing Lucifer to sneer, “I learned some very valuable things from you that I can wield myself.”

Chuck exhaled heavily, turning his gaze away from Lucifer. “Fine. We pull this off, I’ll do it.”

Lucifer shook his head defensively and said, “No, not after. Before.” He noticed the bemused expression on Chuck’s face and laughed darkly. “I don’t trust you. I can’t.”

Chuck chuckled in return, shrugging sheepishly, “The feeling is likewise. How do I know you won’t just bolt?”

“Like you wouldn’t be able to find me?”

Narrowing his eyes, Chuck retorted, “I need my strength, Lucifer. All of it to go up against her.”

“This is beans to you, and you know it!”

“We’ll split it up then. What will it be? Which part of the deal for you first?”

Lucifer considered the proposition.

“What do you think?” he asked Chuck dryly, finally. “I want Castiel removed from the equation. We’ll deal with this –” he gestured down at his vessel – “after. She’ll be fine for a few days by herself while we get this done. I’ll tell you where she’s at.”

“I know where she’s at,” Chuck smirked lightly. “I’m God after all.”

~~~

CASTIEL FOREVER TAGS: @willowing-love @perseusandmedusa @greenappleeyes @afanofmanystuffs @earthtokace @shikaros-blog @marisayouass @splendidcas @stixnstripesworld

#lucifer!cas #casifer #casifer x reader #lucifer!cas x reader #lucifer x reader #castiel x reader #spn fanfic #supernatural fanfic #my shit

[sammyblep]

i'd love to hear your thoughts on sam too!

thank youuuuu also sorry in advance this is gonna get so long--

(edit: also sorry about the formatting tumblr said fuck this post in particular)

How I feel about this character

sam is one of my most favorite characters of all time. the first time i watched spn i was an unapologetic dean girl (gnt) but now i am FULL sam girl (gnt.) This is a character who is told that the world is a dark and dangerous place and that no matter how hard he tries he’s going to become one of the monsters that inhabits it and makes it worse. he’s raised on the leash held by his father and in the shadow of his brother (a shadow that protected him) and he just wants to be able to love them both but they won’t let him. he wants to be able to love and nothing will let him!!! He wants to be able to experience the world in a way that isn’t blood and gunsmoke and pain and he just wants so desperately that he’s willing to rip himself away from what little he’s known to do it.

and the thing is, the world proves him right! he IS a monster. he lets the devil free, the people he loves die endlessly, he chooses a demon over his brother, he allows himself to become demonic for the sake of revenge, because that endless love he has was twisted against the world he wanted to love and used to wound it. and the fact is - it WAS his decision. it’s a decision he has to live with forever and deal with the consquences of. the world proves him right - zachariah’s voicemail, dean telling him to pick a hemisphere, the angels using dean to warn him off his demon blood path, the murder of an innocent woman to kill lilith (cindy I think) - those are all monstrous things.

and sam, after all that - when he realizes what his love has been used for, the hurt and irreversible damage its caused, he takes it back for himself. he realizes he was wrong, and he - the boy who wanted nothing more than to love the world and be loved by it in return - offers up his love to that same dark horrible world that he ruined further. and he does it with no expectations, just determination to make it right. that love overpowers the devil and destiny and the writing of god himself. the same way cas’s love for dean overwrote chuck’s writings in 4x22, sam’s endless love and belief that the world is worth fighting for averts the apocalypse.

this is a man who ruined the world, and willingly; and this is a man who saw what he did and ruined himself, wilingly, endlessly, because he believed in fixing his mistakes. because he believed there was still love and good in the world that tried to kill him over and over. because sam winchester wants nothing but to be free to love anything and everything, and to have even a sliver of that love returned to him.

basically: i love him. i love him so much. sam winchester THE character of all time for me. (him and ned chicane and merle highchurch but that’s another thing-)

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Eileen the love of my life Eileen Leahy!!! She’s badass and understanding and CHOSE to love Sam, and that’s truly what he needed and wanted more than anything else. She’s just - KAJDFNSKAJF i love eileen so so SO much and I think she and her wife Sam Leahy are head over heels in love. They love learning from each other and teaching each other and defending each other with the full knowledge that they can cover their own ass totally fine but that’s not the point the point is that they want to show their love and in their lifestyle this is a good way to do so. I think Sam is absolutely utterly disgustingly in love with Eileen and they want to constantly make that clear to the world and I think Eileen is completely wholly sickeningly in love with Sam and wants to make that clear to Sam. I think they’re neat and I think they’re perfect and I think they’re in love and I love them

Rowena - I haven’t seen a single episode with Rowena but i adore her energy and I think Sam being a sucker for the 600-yr-old queen of hell Rowena MacLeod is INCREDIBLE. Sam sees an incredibly powerful woman with knowledge and experiences beyond his understanding and says ‘is anyone gonna fall in love with her’ and doesn’t wait for an answer.

Gabriel! From the first time I saw Tall Tales I crackshipped him and sam, fun fact. I think there’s a LOT of complexity and nuance to any potential relationship of theirs (which is further complicated by any potential s-13 sabriel bait you wanna incorporate into your own personal good version (i haven’t seen it yet but love and light to y’all)) but I ALSO think too many people lose Gabriel’s characterization in order to make him palatable to Sam. And like no that’s not the point the POINT is they’re enemies-with-instant-tension to lovers! This is the ‘hedonist meets repressed man and they are instantly attracted but also hate each other and have to navigate that’ dynamic that I so rarely see done properly. However the MOST important part of Sabriel for me (as with any ship) is that it’s fun and DOES have a lot of cute potential. (Hedonistic-hugger Gabriel with touchstarved Sam my BELOVED)

Also Sabrieleena is fantastic I am a poly truther for a lot of things

Sarah Blake my first gay crush Sarah Blake... she deserved better and also she and Sam would have been a fantastic wlw relationship

I’m sure there’s more but I’ve forgotten them because it’s been ages since I saw past s5 and I frankly don’t remember much after the beginning of s6!

My non-romantic OTP for this character

I think he and Cas should have been best friends more. Also I *DO* wish we’d gotten a better Sam&Crowley dynamic but alas j*rpad couldn’t step up to the plate :/// fuckin coward

My unpopular opinion about this character

I’m both a Tall!Sam truther and a Tiny!Sam truther... I don’t think either of these concepts are unpopular but idk anyone else who loves them both like i do. Then again I also don’t know many people in spndom sfkjnjkfjaks

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

WE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN TO SEE SAM HAVING A HORRIBLE BREAKDOWN AT SOME POINT. I HAVE OPINIONS ON WHEN AND WHERE BUT THIS MAN MADE OF LOVE FEELS EMOTIONAL PAIN SO HARD AND WHEN THE LOVE HE’S FILLED WITH IS TURNED AGAINST HIM I SIMPLY THINK HE WOULD HAVE LOST IT.

this is technically not him butttt I wish Max Miller had lived so he and Sam could have been best friends (I have s1e14 Nightmare derangement syndrome)

ok i know this said ONE thing but also like you said and like i said in the tags of your response for sam. HE SHOULD HAVE KEPT HIS POWERS.

(send me a character and I’ll break their asses down)

#ask meme #sam winchester #spn #eileen leahy #rowena macleod #spn gabriel #sarah blake #castiel #spn crowley #max miller #longpost #this is so much text i'm so sorry laskfjsd #nevidimochka #edited for formatting

[remythologise]

okay but like i used to be a fan years ago and I distinctly remember Kripke saying how Castiel had such fandom power because in a way the audience identified with him? and think about how fucked up that is in hindsight, a fandom with a lot of lgbtqa members seeing their favorite character become canonically gay and he's killed and like you said the people he loves dont even care like I have to laugh or I'll never stop crying lol

Fucked up how Castiel was only useful to them until they got to the end of the show. It’s like they were forced to bring him back in s7 because of the ratings drop and as soon as they could get away with it they kicked him to the kerb. Like, SPN said ‘actually queer fans fuck you, we only ever wanted you for your money not for what you took out of the show.’ If I’m right about the ending, and I am 99% sure I am right sadly, Robert Singer et al. were only ever tolerating the queer fans and influence on their story because of profits. That’s literally it. As soon as he could, Singer wanted to end HIS story the way HE wanted it - two brothers, no found family. I would like to point out the two things that lead me to believe that; that he always wanted Sam and Dean to die together ‘Thelma and Louise style’ holding hands (lol), and that when Charlie died he was like, I don’t see the problem with killing off a gay character. Also he’s previously said in an interview its ‘his’ story, not the fans. 

(Also as a side note; I do not think this was a CW Exec problem, I think it was a writers/showrunners one. I believe CW would have passed the story esp. if it was ambiguous; what we are looking at rn is Cas being left in the fucking Empty. I’ve also been told (albeit only semi-reliably) that CW would have passed it if it crossed their desks. They did pass the confession. Misha also thanked a bunch of people for Destiel and notably did not include Singer in that list.) 

Bobo and Misha did their best for the queer fans to vindicate them in a story that wanted to can Castiel before the end. I love them for that. Singer and the ones in charge of the ending clearly did not give a fuck about Cas, or the fans that loved him. Hope 20 proves me wrong but I don’t think it will. But yeah, the fact Castiel is just a tragic queer man who loved and loved and did everything for love and wasn’t loved in return (in romantic reciprocation; in being told he’s not just a tool; by what we see at the end of 19 where he’s just forgotten). Rough. LGBT people don’t deserve happiness or happy endings.

Also side note; just talking about this on a server with some others and FUCKED UP how all the supernatural characters (minority metaphors?) sacrificed themselves this season while Dean was like. Yeah Jack, our son, can you sacrifice yourself for ‘me and Sam’s’ freedom. Not even the world. So we have; Rowena kills herself to save them from the shitty ghost apocalypse (at least she’s queen of hell), Jack sacrifices himself to save them from God (at least he’s... powerful atoms...?) and Cas sacrifices himself to save them from Death (at least he’s canonically suffering forever which they will ret con into just asleep, watch this space). All so that Sam and Dean can be happy, because in the end they don’t need non-humans or minorities, or even found family. They only care about themselves. They just accept Jack and Cas are gone forever. Anyway anyone who likes 19 is just a foreign species to me unless they are Sam/Dean shippers because at least I understand WHY they think that! The episode was incompetent on every conceivable level, it was a farce. But no, I don’t believe a deliberate one.

#ask #anonymous #spn spoilers #supernatural spoilers #me and you both anon me and you both

[queenofgoats]

Thank You For Being A Friend | Imagine a night out with Dean

Summary: On her first hunt, OC fails all along the line and falls into an emotional down. Now Dean tries to cheer her up and takes her out.

Characters: POV fem!OC x Dean

Word Count: 2.746

Warning: insecurities, alcohol, flirtations and words = just spn

A/N: Hello dears!

I wrote this little FF for the challenge from supernatural-love14. My prompt was: "we probably shouldn't be doing this"

The hardest part was definitely the bar. I miss the old social life so, so much! 

Still, I hope you have as much fun reading here as I do writing.

Have fun! :)

"We probably shouldn't be doing this..." I said slowly. Emphasizing each word.

My eyes rested on the two brothers in front of me.

“That's exactly what I told you. I mean, I'm terribly sorry for what happened, but you know...”

Actually, I wanted to apologize last night, but it turned a bit differently somehow.

None of this would have happened if the Winchesters had listened to me. And if I wouldn't have let them convince me.

“I know.” Sam sighed into his coffee.

His brother, on the other hand, didn't seem quite as guilty: “But it wasn't our idea that you would get drunk this hard and jump right at the next dude’s lips.”

Dean had a point.

It should only be a small drink. After months of isolation in the bunker, I was allowed to join a case for the first time. Do some research in the library, get a taste of civilisation and just come out again in general. Easy thing.

Because back in the bunker I had created a whole new definition of cabin fever. Not something to be proud of to be honest.

The case itself seemed pretty clear and totally easy at first.

Nobody would have expected that the wraith with a faible for “Schoolgirl Report” would work with an incubus. Nobody!

The last-named picked me up later in the bar, where we three had toasted, to get revenge on his dead friend.

It was horribly. Bloody. And I had a new topic for my future therapist.

“I’m really sorry.” I finally mumbled.

I felt terrible. Just because of me, Sam was forced to wear a cast on his arm again.

Now it was me who buried her eyes in the coffee.

"I should have known. That will never happen again. Promise!"

Dean looked up: "How would you have known?"

I winced, caught and hesitantly tried to explain myself.

“Well. Actually it was obvious that I normally wouldn't have a chance with a guy like him...

“Oh come on!” Dean interrupted me despising “Don’t do this the girly way.”

“...but it’s true! Please look at you and then at me. I…”

First I started to give more examples of my low self-confidence, but decided against it.

Nothing honest ever comes around in these talks. You're just trying to make the other feel better.

“Okay, wait. Just forget it. I don’t wanna talk about it anymore. Let’s say it was my fault and won’t happen again. Ever!”

I stopped the subject and did not tolerate any contradictions.

Sam seemed to want to say something, but luckily I put him off with my eyes.

Our breakfast ended in awkward silence.

Less than an hour later, I found myself in my motel room packing up my things. Even if unconsciously, I gave myself more time here than necessary.

The mood between us was strange. Of course, once in a while in the bunker we were bitching at each other, but this situation will set the course for possible further cases. Or living together in general.

Exhausted, I sat down on the edge of the bed and fell back with my arms outstretched.

Thoughtfully, I pale my cheeks and let the air slowly escape.

I sure didn't have too much pride to apologize. Mostly too often rather than too little.

But this was different.

The Winchesters had seen a side of me, that no one else had seen before. The little, vulnerable girl who just wants to be good enough. I hated her.

Not even I confronted her myself. I knew from experience that other people got ther completely wrong. Attention whore and fishing for compliments were nicer reactions.

Oh dear Chuck, I prayed that Sam and Dean would just forget about this and never bring it up again.

At this moment I heard car doors slamming shut outside in the parking lot. That gave me a little nudge and I finally got up.

I put my travel bag under my arm. On the heel I turned around again briefly to make sure that I had really not forgotten anything and finally closed the door.

Sam and Dean stood at the Impala and seemed to be talking about something quite emotional.

They even played Rock-Paper-Scissors.

“Hey boys, are we ready?” I interrupted them from afar. Not that I got anything in my ears that wasn't meant for me. They startled and turned to me.

I almost felt a little transported back to school. Despite the queasy feeling in my stomach, I just ignored it. Stowed my things in the trunk and went to my place in the back seat.

Unfortunately the ride didn't get any better. It wasn't that anyone was mad, but there was definitely something between us. How am I supposed to fix it?

A few hours later we arrived at the bunker late at night.

I literally jumped out of the car and ran down to my room. Did I ever feel so out of place?

Probably not. I couldn’t stand them at the moment and needed to be alone for a few minutes.

Just as I threw my jacket on the bed, there was a knock on the door.

“Yes please?” I sounded more annoyed than actually wanted.

Unusually careful, Dean entered the room and looked at me quite defensive.

“I overreacted, sorry for this.” I sighed. “This was not necessary.”

“Yeah, normally you’re not a drama queen. So it’s okay.”

Dean stepped across the room and sat on the edge of my bed: “That’s why I… or we think you didn’t exaggerate this morning. You really meant it ”

We?! Did they talk about me?

I cleared my throat.

“Oh boy... Embarrassing.” It rang out of me.

Dean continued: “Uhm, I’m sorry too! I really am! That didn’t go well for all of us.”

He stopped and fixed indefinite points in the room. Apparently he was looking for the right words.

“You know. You are here… with us all along. And hey, you are a girl and have needs...”

I didn't know where this was going, but I did not like it.

“Dean. No. Seriously. We won’t have The Talk. I told you, something like this will never happen again and it’s fine. Can we leave it at that, please?”

We couldn’t. He raised his finger and looked deep into my eyes: “No.”

I huffed.

“You deserve to have fun and go out from time to time.”

“Yeah and you remember how it ended?”

“That’s why you are going out with me. I’m not a monster and in case of emergency I’ll protect you.”

I looked at Dean Winchester for quite a while.

In the middle of the room I stood there, arms crossed. Trying to hold back my anger.

“Wow. Really. How heroic.”

He hadn't expected this reaction: “What?”

“First: You do this out of pity. Second: Your pity is not big enough. So you and your brother fought to see who had to take me out.”

Caught!

“Why would you think that?” He asked, playing outraged.

“You can’t fool me, Dean. And I saw you at the parking spot back at the motel. You and Sam played about it. Since you always lose and are here now...”

There was silence.

“Wow.” Dean huffed. “You must think I'm quite a dick now.”

“Not only quite.” I said and immediately smirked slightly. Of course I can’t stay mad.

Slowly I walked to the bed and sat next to him.

“I mean… I know you had the best intentions, but... It’s just… Can you imagine how I feel? Going out, just because someone feels sorry?”

In fact, it made me feel worse than before.

“I didn’t mean to.” Dean apologized. “But I want you to feel better. Nevertheless.”

Right the next evening I stood in front of my mirror and applied some eyeliner. Or rather corrected it.

I haven’t opened my makeup bag in ages. Let alone putting on a simple cover stick.

Jepp, I was quite nervous. Even if Dean and I agreed to go out, but as friends, it scared me a bit.

Just couldn’t tell why.

I was so insecure! Every view of myself made it worse. Was the lipstick too much? Maybe I should change the dress. It was way too short! Phew, and my thighs have seen better days.

These months in the bunker didn't exactly flatter my figure.

Maybe I should cancel this evening.

“Hey, swing down sweet Chariot!” Dean poked his head through the door and tapped his watch. “Hurry up!”

Oh dear Chuck, what have I done? It’s not that I think anything would change in the relationship between Dean and me, but still...

“One minute!” I replied and walked quickly to the door.

His eyes went wide and he formed his lips for a whistle.

“Don’t do it!” I interrupted him. “Let’s go. I need a drink. Urgent.”

Dean just laughed and followed me to the Impala. Noticing he also dressed up.

Not a flannel shirt in sight, just a simple but fine black one.

Apparently Dean tried to take my nervousness away and covered everything with slightly gentleman behavior. First held the car door open for me and then, while I reached for the not existing seatbelt,

he held a small bottle of sparkling wine under my nose.

“It’s going to be a four hour drive. Save it.”

Now he had me. I laughed: “Thank you. You’re the sweetest.”

After we left the streets of Lebanon and I took a few relieving sipps, I asked him where we were actually going.

“Vegas, Baby!” was the answer.

I raised an eyebrow: “Okay I’m in, but Elvis takes me to the altar.”

Dean chuckles. “Alrighty then.”

Of course it was not Vegas, but we ended up in Kansas City. And that meant big city. Like really big. Skyscraper. Waste Gas. Too many people. I missed it so much! All of it.

“Oh Dean, you're making me the happiest girl in the world.”

He laughed: “Oh dear, I hear this pretty often.”

What was the last time I saw a billboard with LED lights?

It took us a while to find a parking space and finally to stand in front of a bar. At first it didn't look like anything. I even tried to remember when I had my last tetanus vaccination.

But when we got inside we stood in a very cozy place. Dark red curtains hung on the walls, while the light provided a pleasant atmosphere.

Dean and I chose one of the dark leather sofas that I'm sure has seen quite a few butts in it’s life.

It was so soft!

Excited, I grabbed the drinks menu from the small table in front of us. I spent so many weeks in the bunker, this trip was just liberating.

“Dean, this is so awesome!” I thanked him again. “Do you already know, what do you want to drink?”

He laughed quietly. “Dunno. Couldn’t look in the menu yet.”

It didn't take long for the two of us to place our orders. Just as the waitress left, I turned to Dean.

“Hey erm…” I cleared my throat. “I know, I've been saying it the whole time, but now again, calmly and seriously: Thank you very much Dean.”

I let my gaze wander around the bar and put the next words in my head. A mildly sigh escaped my lips.

“And I know you are doing this, just because you feel sorry for me.”

I paused and raised my hands defensively: “Which is fine! Really! Oh dear... What I actually want to say is… You are a good friend, Dean.”

Something in Deans face changed and he began to look at me like only his brother normally does.

“Do you really think so? For the last time: I’m here with you, because I want to. No lost bet or anything else.”

He rubbed his face, puffing.

“You just think too much.” He stopped while the waitress brought us our drinks.

He grabbed his glas and raised it: “Promise me one thing. Don’t worry about anything tonight and just… have fun.”

A warm smile laid on his lips.

“Promise.” I agreed and toasted my glass.

Some drinks later I was much more relaxed. I completely forgot that I could laugh heartily.

Not a thought has been wasted on the end of the world. There was only this moment. Like a little safespace.

In front of me was no longer Dean Winchester the hunter, but a good friend.

Someone you like to be around. I felt good.

“Hey you two, can I do something good for you?” The waitress asked very friendly.

Dean waved with his empty glass and ordered another round for us.

Toughfully I looked at him: “We already had a lot of drinks. Don’t you have to drive? Cause I can’t anymore.”  

He looked at me thoughtfully.

“Yeah… you’re right. But I don’t want to go yet.”

Dean paused.

“I like it here.” He said with a smirking face.

I leaned back quite drunk: “However, a normal cola couldn't hurt. Otherwise you have to hold my hair later.”

We decided to take a motel afterwards near the bar.

“...you had to see Sammy's face! He was so pissed!”

Dean told about his poor brother. Siblings were the best and the worst at the same time.

“That’s mean.” I commented. “Hilarious, but mean.”

A lot more drinks later we just fooled around. At first I didn't notice that we were sitting very close together, only when Dean put his hand on my knee.

I looked down confused, but let him do it.

When was the last time something like this happened to me? Way too long! Then I thought about WHO was actually sitting next to me. And winced.

“Are you okay?” Dean asked unexpectedly softly while not moving his hand.

I huffed. Not that I was uncomfortable, it was just... new.

My cheeks literally glowed. Slightly nervous I smiled at him.

“No. Erm wait. Yes. I’m okay. Yeah.”

Accidentally my eyes stuck on his lips. His so perfectly formed lips.

Have they always looked so soft?

I forced myself off Dean's forbidden beautiful lips, only to sink into his eyes.

Now I knew how a moth felt in the face of the moon.

“I am really glad that you are here with me.” His voice was more like a breath.

We both leaned forward a little at the same time. Barely noticeable.

My heart jumps right into my throat. I knew what was about to happen, but my insecurity cut it off.

Why did I fool myself into this situation? Dean Winchester would never. Especially not with me. That’s ridiculous. I’m ridiculous!

Suddenly Dean brushed a lost strand of hair from my face and gently ran his finger down behind the ear until it reached the chin. There he paused.

The skin he touched felt electrified. My goosebumps had goosebumps!

“Don’t think too much. Remember?”, he taught me.

His voice forced me out of my head and back into the bar. Back to his eyes.

I wasn’t able to say anything. So I just nodded.

The hand went back up from the chin. Very slowly. Stroking my cheek and sliding in my hair.

His touches calmed me.

He got to the back of my head, slowly pulled me towards him.

When our lips touched a switch inside me flipped. I was no longer able to think anything up, just let myself go. While his scent settled in my nose and seemed to rise into my head.

The lips were much softer than I could have dreamed of. They tasted a little like whiskey.

My eyes closed all by themselves and my body leaned itself towards. Even my tongue had developed a life of its own and began to ask for entrance very carefully. Just to be met by Deans.

I put my hand on the back of his neck and moved down. Resting at his chest.

All of a sudden I became aware of what I was doing. And with whom.

Against my own will, I broke the kiss and only brought as much distance as necessary between us.

“We probably shouldn't be doing this.” I lied to myself, but not moving my hand from his chest.

Dean sighed heavy: “Would you just stop saying this?”

Barely pronounced the last words, he pulled me into an intense kiss again.

#supernatural-love14writingchallenge #dean x oc #dean winchester #dean winchester x oc #dean fanfiction #dean winchester fanfiction #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural x oc #SPN #spn fanfiction #spn x oc #supernatural family #spn family

[hurlumerlu]

spn (you brought this on yourself)

akljghf I really did X) okay let’s see how many times I can type “Dean” in a tumblr post.

the first character I ever fell in love with : Dean ! it helped that when i watch spn the first time it was in vo without subtitles, when my english was still pretty shaky, so many of his more, uh, unsavory comments flew right by me - but i would have loved him anyway.

a character I used to love/like but now do not : idk... the only one can think of is girl-of-the-week Sarah from the episode Provenance. I used to like that she was really involved in the case and rather efficient and brave despite being totally out of her element, but rewatching that episode I got the feeling that she was allowed to be all those things in part because she’s richer/more educated/classier than most characters and it rubbed me the wrong way. And she was extremely gracious about it, which annoyed me more. That is a LOT of words for a little side character I don’t feel strongly about, but this episode has some weird class vibes (more than usual), so. there you go ?

a ship that I used to love/like but now I don’t : well... Sam/Sarah i guess ? Also I was pretty into Anna/Ruby and now I’m not but once I get back to season 4 I will probably be into it again so I’m not sure that counts.

my ultimate favorite character ™ : Dean. It’s weird because I had almost forgotten how much I loved him and suddendly it all came back and I don’t know what to do with those feelings !

prettiest character : it’s a tie between very early season 1 Dean and Ruby 2.0. No actually Ruby 2.0 could stab me with the demon knife and I’be like. thank you ma’am I was not worthy so. she wins.

my most hated character : you know who :) it’s john :) (but also Zachariah was very fun to hate)

my OTP : Destiel obviously.

my NOTP : I get wanting to explore dark dynamics, especially given the nature of the show, but wincest is really not for me.

favourite episode : ugh. I can’t chose. I can’t even chose my favourite episode per season ! I’ll say The Man Who Would be King but I feel like I’m betraying so many others :((

saddest death : Sam’s first death. It’s super bleak, and sends the brothers careening into this cycle of self-sacrifices, and Dean monologuing to Sam’s body gets me every time. (Dean’s last death should have been the saddest, but it was sad in a way that made me think “yeah I was right not to bother”, so it doesn’t deserves the title).

favorite season : season 2-3 feels kinda like one season to me, though if i have to chose i will chose season 2. Of course the fact that it doesn’t have Cas is a bummer but even just knowing that he’ll be along later makes it better so :D

least favorite season : season 8. it was just so obvious that Carver hadn’t even bothered to watch season 6 and 7, and the conflict between Sam and Dean felt so boring, and the Amelia sublot was so boring, and the whole Dean remember purgatory wrong felt both super predictable and out of left field. It burned me out so much that I couldn’t really get into season 9 and gave up. But it gave us scruffy Cas and Benny, so there’s that.

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but I hate : the fandom is so big and rarely agrees on anything anyway, I have no idea how I would answer that. Jess I guess ? I don’t even hate her, but she’s barely a character at all.

my “you’re a piece of trash but you’re still a fave” fave : Dean, I guess ? I wouldn’t call him a piece of trash but he has a lot to answer for. Like. A LOT. (though he’s also perfect in every way).

my “beautifull cinamon roll who deserves better than this” fave : so many, but Anna, Charlie and Kevin are kings and queens among them... also I wouldn’t call them cinamon rolls but Victor Henriksen and Bella Talbot deserved so much more screentime. And of course Sam, Dean and Cas (I haven’t met Jack yet) deserved a better ending, but... well.

my “this ship is wrong, nasty and makes me want to cleanse my soul but I still love it” ship : Alastair/Dean. Yeah, I know.

my “they’re kinda cute, and I lowkey ship them, but I’m not too invested” ship : Dean/Ash, Bobby/Rufus... also Sam/Ruby but I don’t think “cute” is the word.

Ahem. This got long. Sorry !

#ask game #supernatural #big up adrien

[starsstillshine]

out of all the qualms with the finale, amara’s ending is really bugging me. her growth in s15 was to show that she cared about earth and enjoyed bare bones human things like reading a book in a hot tub while drinking wine (queen shit moment ngl), but overall enjoyed being her own person away from chuck. despite that, she gives up her autonomy in all aspects for her asshole brother, who has been intent on destroying the world that she now appreciates. the same world a few years earlier she had been intent on destroying as revenge on chuck for locking her up. aka experienced significant character growth that she cared about the world (there’s some really fun castiel parallels here that 15x17 gave us about free will and love regarding dean but another place, another time). she ultimately decides to be rejoined with chuck after learning that dean betrayed her trust (although technically chuck manipulated dean? which then manipulated amara? idk the direct levels of influence chuck had this season were so confusing but i thought 15x17 was chuck directly fucking w them ie dean pulling a gun on sam and saying wild shit all episode like jack isn’t family. chuck’s an unreliable narrator and so are spn writers so). ANYWAYS

but THENNN she just gets transferred into her twink child nephew with no say from her and we’re left w jack just being like We Are At Peace Now 😌. it would be interesting if jack and amara existed like adamichael did, however we’re given no inclination that she’s doing anything other than existing out of sight and out of mind, in a way locked up again because of chuck’s decisions. the ending of the series was off in lots of ways, especially relating to the role of all its female characters being fridged via thanos snap then straight up forgotten, but amara losing her autonomy negs most of her growth for another poorly written circular narrative

#whew the mental gymnastics the last 4 episodes put me thru #let women have autonomy ffs #i have less beef with 15x17 than all the other final episodes #but still beef #coming full circle is lazy there i said it #the dean and amara and dean and cas parallels in s11 and s15 would be so fun to examine #supernatural #spn #amara #the darkness #15x17

[fangirlxwritesx67]

Looking For A Black Cat

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3, 1550 words. Sam x Rowena, side of Dean. Memory loss, cute animals, food, and fluff.

Your name is Sam Winchester. You are a soldier who lost your memory in a battlefield injury. It is Wednesday, so you volunteer at the animal shelter today. 

Sam found himself mouthing the words along with the electronic voice coming from his phone. Good, he remembered that much. It was going to be a good brain day, maybe even better than normal. 

He showered and shaved, dressed in his usual uniform of jeans and a plaid flannel shirt. Why he owned so many was a mystery to him, but they were comfortable, especially on cool fall days like this.

He was ahead of the voice on the phone, headed to the kitchen for a smoothie, where he discovered Dean eating a plate full of pie and ice cream. Dean, his brother, was the one person he never forgot. He had been injured at the same time and the same way as Sam. The two of them did their best to support and help one another. 

Memories of the day before came flooding back. It had been a bad brain day, one of the worst, the kind that only happened a couple of times a year. Helpless and frightened, he had knocked his head on the shared wall of their duplex. At the time, he hadn’t realized what he was doing, but the sound had been enough to summon his brother. 

Had Dean slept over? Maybe that was why he was in his kitchen eating dessert at 730 in the morning. 

“Dean, what are you doing?” Sam asked as he poured himself a cup of the coffee his brother had made.

“I was out of food so I came over to see what you had.” His words were light but his face reflected his concern. That was typical Dean, always downplaying his role in caring for others. 

Sam rolled his eyes, wordlessly reassuring his brother that he was fine. “Or you could, you know, go grocery shopping.”

“But you’re better at grocery shopping than I am! Besides, why did you buy apple pie and ice cream if it wasn’t for me? You know that’s my favorite thing.”

Sam did, in fact, not know that, but it sounded right. As he headed to the fridge, he looked more closely at the shopping list hanging there. At the bottom of his neatly organized shopping list, cross referenced with a weekly meal plan, it said: PIE That was definitely not his handwriting. 

“Dean.” He turned and smiled fondly at his brother, who grinned happily. 

“Thanks for remembering, big guy. Hey, don’t you have to go to work? Go snuggle some puppies or something?” 

It is time to leave the house. It is time for your shift at the animal shelter.

The electronic voice cut in before they could argue further. Sam shook his head and grabbed his keys. His GPS gave him directions but he seemed to know where he was going so he tuned out as he drove. 

If it was going to be a good brain day, then maybe, just maybe- Sam tried his hardest to push his mind back, to discover anything from his past. But everything before his injury was a blank. 

Whoever he had been before, whatever he had done, was buried. The only thing he ever got was flashes in his nightmares, faces and flames that crumbled into ash the minute he woke up. No matter how hard he tried, his past was lost to him. He had his brother, and he got out alive. Maybe that was enough.

“Hey, Winchester,” his boss Billie greeted him. He wondered, sometimes, how much she knew. She was always patient, always generous and gave him all the help he needed. A warm smile lit her beautiful brown face.

“I have a grant-writing seminar to attend, Sam, so it’s up to you today. You good with that?” Before she left, she pointed him to the drawer in the filing cabinet that had his name. 

The neatly organized rows of folders looked familiar, each one with the name of a cat or dog that was waiting to find a home. He looked through them, recognizing his own handwriting. He had made meticulous notes that would help an animal get adopted and help their new humans care for them. 

There was also a bell, and a sign that at one point he must’ve made. With the Animals Ring Bell for Service

Like most weekdays, it was a slow day. Walking back into the rooms full of animal cages felt like coming home. The sounds of the animals, barks and yelps and even a few eager mews, were welcoming. Even the smells of fur and cleaner and animals were earthy and grounding.

The dog room was the largest, cages lining both sides. He took his time with each one, petting them and giving them attention. Once he was done with the dogs, he moved on to the cats. Cats were more of a mystery, less outwardly affectionate. He spoke to them softly, even the ones who seemed to ignore him.

At lunchtime, a man came in with his little girl. He and his wife had adopted a dog over the weekend, but something wasn’t quite right. The man told Sam how his new dog could barely sleep, could hardly eat, always seemed to be looking for something. 

Sam nodded. Even without consulting his notebook, he knew which dog that was - one of a bonded pair. The two dogs had been kept in adjoining cages and let out in the yard for playtime together. When one was fed, they waited for the other to eat. When they slept, they curled up so their backs were touching through the wire mesh of the cages. 

The family was already vetted, so it was easy for Sam to approve the second adoption. He smiled as he watched father and daughter leave with the dog and imagined the reunion that would happen when they got home. He wondered, sometimes, if he and Dean were like that, a bonded pair, unable to really exist without the other. 

After that, he was alone again until it was almost closing time. 

The red-headed woman who stepped through the door instantly drew his attention. Not only was she strikingly attractive, but she had a presence that seemed to fill the room. Her bright smile was the most beautiful thing he could remember seeing.

“I’m Rowena and I’m looking for-

“-a black cat. I know.” Sam didn't know exactly how he knew that, but it seemed right, and she nodded approvingly. 

He gestured towards the cat room and she led the way. He couldn’t help watching her as she walked, the precise rhythm of her steps, the easy sway of her hips. No, that seemed rude. When they got to the row of cages, she turned to face him and he felt his breath catch in his throat. She was stunning, with big green eyes and a profile like a cameo piece. 

“No!” Rowena stomped one heel, startling him with her sudden flash of temper. “These are the same cats you had last week. I don’t want kittens, or ginger cats, or any other common moggie. I need a black cat.”

Sam was taken aback, but he had to try. “Ma’am, have you ever met Mamacita?” 

She crossed her arms and pouted. “Is she some secret black cat you’ve been keeping from me?”

“Well, no, she’s not a black cat. But maybe, just, look at her?” He couldn’t say why this cat and this woman needed to meet. Maybe it was something he had known and forgotten. Maybe not. But he gestured to the cage that held the reclusive calico.

Rowena hardly had to bend down to see the cat in her cage. The cat hissed, as expected. Then to Sam’s surprise,  she called and Mamacita came closer. She kept her distance, still, but seemed interested.

“Ohhh,” the woman cooed softly. “I see. You’re a mama cat, aren’t you, but you’ve lost your kittens and your home. You’re scared because you don't know who you are anymore.”

Rowena slipped her delicate fingers through the bars of the cage and Sam watched in shock as Mamacita approached. At first, the cat was suspicious, sniffing the painted nails, but then gave in and leaned into the woman’s hand. 

The two of them spent several moments in quiet communication before Rowena stood up. Shaking her skirts and tossing her curls, she set her chin. 

“A lovely tortoiseshell, no doubt. But I need a black cat. I’ll be back next week, as always. I hope you’ll have one for me then.”

It was closing time, so Sam locked the door behind her as she left. The room seemed suddenly empty, darker without her. He stood there for a moment, trying to sort out the swirl of thoughts and feelings in his mind. Who was she? Why did it seem like he should know her?

As always.

He must’ve seen her here before. That explained why she looked familiar. It didn’t explain why he was so drawn to her, why he felt almost bewitched in her presence. It certainly didn’t explain the sense of loss that came over him when she was gone. He shook his head slowly. It was something he would never know. 

Stay tuned for 3 more chapters of this story!

Thanks to @mskathywriteswords for the preread and encouraging me to see where this story goes!

SPN First Last and Always: @boondoctorwho @dawnie1988 @deanwanddamons @defenderrosetyler @defenderrosetyler @emoryhemsworth @fookinghelljensensthighs @idreamofplaid @kalesrebellion @kickingitwithkirk @maddiepants @magssteenkamp @onethirstyunicorn   @there-must-be-a-lock @tloveswriting

Sam Girl For Life: @awesomesusiebstuff @lilsylvia @winchesterxfamilybusiness

Dean Curious:@adoptdontshoppets @awesomesusiebstuff @deangirl7695 @deans-baby-momma  @mrsjenniferwinchester @stoneyggirl @wayward-gypsy @winchesterxfamilybusiness

Rowena My Queen: @delightfullykrispypeach @lilsylvia @marril96 @pansexualdarling @songofthecagedmoose

#looking for a black cat #sam x rowena #rowena fanfiction #sam winchester fanfiction #winchester brothers fanfiction

[hairasuntouchedaspartoftheamazon]

I feel like the SPN fandom as a whole, especially the fantastic people who make vids, songfics and aesthetics, are missing out on the near-perfection that is The Gaslight Anthem. GA is a rock band from New Jersey, and basically all their songs have this vibe of “I’m a little sad, could kill you, miss when we were younger, and I want to be loud”. I’m also of the belief that a decent amount of their songs fit SPN perfectly.

Examples(I also highly recommend listening to all of these, they’re great):

American Slang(Highly appropriate in my opinion):

“And they cut me to ribbons and taught me to drive, I got my name tattooed inside of my arm. And I called for my father but my father had died! While you told us fortunes, in American Slang”

“And here’s where we died that time last year, and where the angels and devils meet, and you can dance with the Queen if you need, and she will always keep her cards, close to her heart.”

“....and I called for my father but my father had died! And we called for our mothers but our mothers had died, and you told us fortunes in American Slang”  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAqbnTKQBIY&list=OLAK5uy_np5CJdYInsAeogm56OsGNqLq0j1eBBzaI

Boxer:

“You got your pride and your prose, tucked just like a tommy gun somewhere in the smoke just in case you need it son, I heard it’s been a ride rougher than the last one, what’d you use to say, oh the harder they come”

“You took it all gracefully on the chin, knowing that the beatings had to someday end, we found the bandages inside the band, and the stitches on the radio, and there was something that was holding you down, and there were whispers that were driving you crazy and now you hunt the heart of this town, remember when I knew a boxer baby”

“And your tattooed knuckles oh how they grind down, try to be a man tough just like your father, try to settle down, more like a calm down remember them songs and the reasons we were singing for”

“And he, he says he just doesn’t miss her and he, hey says it’s somewhere in his framework, but I have heard you never really lose it do ya, do ya?”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYMeWEGTOxA&list=OLAK5uy_np5CJdYInsAeogm56OsGNqLq0j1eBBzaI&index=7

Bring It On:

“...Blue eyes and spitfire, I saw you walking back and forth, about another boy, thinking that you may wanna leave, so give me the fevers that just won’t break, and give me the children you don’t wanna raise, and tell me about the Cool, he sings to you those songs, if it’s better than my love, bring it on”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-ZN7NyPfb4&list=OLAK5uy_np5CJdYInsAeogm56OsGNqLq0j1eBBzaI&index=3

We Did It When We Were Young:

“There are no reasons to believe, I buried my faith in another plot,Where your heart and your claws will not find, And I don't feel you or recall, I put your bones out in the yard, For someone else to be called and caught by” “And I cannot hold a candle for every pretty gun,We were strangers many hours and I missed you for so long, When we were liars, lovers in combat, Faded like your name on those jeans that I burned” “But I am older now, And we did it when we were young, I am older now, And we did it when we were young”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vw8WPJHajEY&list=OLAK5uy_np5CJdYInsAeogm56OsGNqLq0j1eBBzaI&index=10

Old Haunts:

“And all along you knew my story, didn't you? And all night long I carried yours, Your blood was mixed with wine and robbery, baby, And left us always wanting more” “So don't sing me your songs about the good times, Those days are gone and you should just let them go, And god help the man who says "If you'd have known me when..." Old haunts are for forgotten ghosts” “Cherry Bomb, your love is surgery, Removing what you don't regard, And every breath felt like a funeral, baby, While you were packing up your car” “And with the window down, I hear you're tired now, You borrowed everything and wore all your old welcomes out, Well, shame on you, my love, you sold your youth away, Memories for sinking ships that never would be saved”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoDKQT7vXNA&list=OLAK5uy_np5CJdYInsAeogm56OsGNqLq0j1eBBzaI&index=8

The Spirit of Jazz:

“The Cool is dead, baby, go on to sleep, Rest your weary head and love a better me, And in the morning we'll start over again,That's how they do it up on the screen” “Was I good to you, the wife of my youth? Not another soul could love you like my rotten bones do, So I will wait on the edges in between, These New York streets where you and I would meet” “For twenty-nine years we loved that line, And I would take it easy if I had your mind, But I'm a cannonball to a house on fire, And you're slow like Motown soul” “So what now, lover with your long black hair?, If I cut you open, baby, I can repair, Bandage your wounds with the salt on my tongue, And I'm the only one around here”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9KOUAmZ12w&list=OLAK5uy_np5CJdYInsAeogm56OsGNqLq0j1eBBzaI&index=9

Wherefore Art Thou Elvis?(Tell me that this isn’t the Sam Winchester song, I dare you):

“I cut my teeth on the stone of a teenage romance, I was the salt of the earth, I was hard, The last of the independents” “And in the breath from my chest I was blowing kerosene, My lips and fingertips were stone, I wore my heart on my jeans, I sang the blues like the dogs left too long in the street, I still sing the blues with the dogs” “And I got half a mind to let it all burn up in this fire, I've had burning through my veins since I first learned to cry, I'd watch this whole night come down and never miss her again,I never felt right and never fit in walkin' in my own skin” “Now I got scars like the number of stars, My mind's full of vipers, I got the dust of the desert in my bones, Comin' through the amplifiers, And in the minor chord fall and the fourth and the fifth, It's a broken Hallelujah and a pain in my fist, I wash my hands like the man with the blood on his teeth, Over and over without relief” “Walkin' in my old man shoes, with my scientist heart, I got a fever and a beaker and a shot in the dark, I need a Cadillac ride, I need a soft summer night, Say a prayer for my soul, Señorita”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPdCP5f_gmk

High Lonesome:

“And Maria came from Nashville with a suitcase in her hand, I always kinda sorta wished I looked like Elvis, And in my head there's all these classic cars and outlaw cowboy bands, I always kinda sorta wished I was someone else” “There was "Southern Accents" on the radio as I drove home, And at night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet, It's a pretty good song, baby you know the rest Baby, you know the rest”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UErXgvNV3lw

’59 Sound:

“Well I wonder which song they're gonna play when we go, I hope it's something quiet and minor and peaceful and slow, When we float out into the ether into the everlasting arms, I hope we don't hear Marley's chains we forged in life, 'Cause the chains I've been hearin' now for most of my life” “Did you hear the '59 sound, Coming through on Grandmama's radio? Did you hear the rattlin' chains, In the hospital walls? Did you hear the old gospel choir When they came to carry you over?Did you hear your favorite song, One last time?”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zw3w1iKiq8M

Mulholland Drive:

“Did you sleep last night and do you remember dreams? Do I ever cross your mind and do you ever think of me? When you think about your life are there things you would reverse? I still remember holding you, just out of sight of her, In the deep, dark parking lot pressed up against my car, With your hands around my neck I felt the pounding of your heart, And the summer night was giving in to the lure of Autumn’s sway, I can’t seem to forget that night or how I heard you say, ohh and I’d just die if you ever took your love away”

“And I can still recall the hour when you first let down your walls, I thought I might've died right there floating up above it all, But it scared you love, to need someone, so you killed it all instead”

“And did you miss me when I'm gone? And the simple things we used to rely on? Who came to wipe your tears away? Who came to bring back your dignity baby? And who came to drive you around this town, Like I used to drive you all around with the radio on”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eR4-F-P-Y6Q

Film Noir:

“I'm all washed out by the side of the road, Broken bones Matilda left a note and a rose, Sayin', "Baby honey child, I've loved you so long, But you deserve much better than me."” “So I'm just burnin' all around all the miles in the road, And I'm never goin' back and I'm never goin' home, I've been gone too long, I've been less right than wrong, I lost so much blood in the fallin' out” “And I lit a fire that wouldn't go out, Until it consumed the walls and roof of this house, Until all I remember was burnin' away, And all I remember, you burned it away” “See, for ten long years I've been hustlin' around, Tryin' to wash the sins and the sweat from my brow, Just tryin' to find a better life for me and my own, Just some rest for these tired workin' fingers” “But nobody never gonna tell you the way, You gotta figure it out boys and suffer the rain, And the fools in the night and the heat of the day, When all you ever really wanted was for someone to understand”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KS9Cz1HgVs

She Loves You(this just gives me lowkey Destiel vibes):

“And if all was well, And your heart could find the words, Would we be for better baby, Would we be for worse, And if there was a way, To navigate your seas, If tonight my true love (Dared belong to me)”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHYY-_3Ft84

Boomboxes and Dictionaries:

“I took a drive today, I thought about you, I thought about a friend who passed And how much we just went through” “I saw the sun shine off the hood of a Cadillac, I thought about some things I said, And some I would take back, I thought about how fortunate I feel to be alive” “And if you're scared of the future tonight, We'll just take it each hour one at a time, It's a pretty good night for a drive, So dry up those eyes, dry up those eyes” “Because the radio will still play loud, Songs that we heard as our guards came down, Like in the summertime when we first met, I'll never forget, and don't you forget, These nights are still ours” “We should remember to slow down more often, And maybe we will, Now here's a lot of good things coming our way right now, A lot of bad has passed, But we survived the breakdowns, All is forgiven, water under bridges now”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9zYLE6Em7U

Drive:

“In my head I am already gone, Side roads boarded up, decisions decided on, But in my nights there are restless hours, When 3 AM comes down and nothing else comes up “And the only thing we know, Is it's getting dark and we'd better go, And the only thing we see, Are the despairs of the day, And if you're too tired, Go to sleep my brothers, I, And if you're too tired, Go to sleep my brothers, I'm all right to drive” “And in my heart I'm the weary kind, I'm much tired to cry, Though it's sad enough for tears, It's been try, fail, try for years, And when the next year comes along, I don't know if I'll be home, I don't know if we'll survive”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClWHlXWSG9M

Biloxi Parrish(This is totally a Cas song):

“I've been fumbling with your heart strings, And that's good enough for me, And if I've rained on one of your hours, Then I know I must been working,Try it on for size my darling, See what a man you can make of me, I will eventually haunt you, And you'll eventually be my queen” “And I'll be with you through,The dark so that you do not, Go through the dark alone, Or on your own” “I've been down Biloxi Parish, And that's all the same for me, I found that nothing truly matters That you cannot find for free, I love you more than can I tell you, When you pass through from this world, I hope you ask to take me with you, Or that I won't have to wait too long, But until then I'll be with you through the dark, Yes, until then I'll be with you through the dark” “And who else can say that about you, baby, Who else can say that about you, now, And who else can take all your blood and your curses, Nobody I seen you hanging around" “And all of our heroes were failures or ghosts, Burned out in brilliant explosions alone, And all of the blood and the sweat that they gave, Well, we took it all and we threw it away”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2RSKSYIXKY

Here Comes My Man:

“And how much time do you think that we have? If I wanted to, I could start over again, Let the good night decide who she wants me to find, And I'll never let you drop another tear in my eye, Singing oh sha-la-la, oh sha-la-la, Listen honey here comes my man”

“So I packed up my things and I faced up my doubts, You know I think I will grow my hair back out, Nevermind what you think, Nevermind what you like, I'll take it out to the streets for somebody else to admire”

“Maybe time will tell you, Why I got so much hell to sell you, Please, please understand me, Oh you can't just dance around me, Maybe your work will love you, When I'm just not there to hold you, Maybe your pride can be your companion, Oh but I just won't be there to stand for it, Not one more minute will I stand for it”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBkfHv6kc5o

Blue Jeans and White T-Shirts:

“We are the boys from Little Eden, We are the heart of Saturday night, We drink from the fountains off the fireworks, Sweat and bone for a better life”

“Still we sing with our heroes, 33 rounds per minute, We're never going home until the sun says we're finished, I'll love you forever if I ever love at all, Wild hearts, blue jeans, & white t-shirts” “Some things baby never told you, Some things papa done ain't right, Spent a lifetime just to get over, You always said my mama tried”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3sQsWuDHrw

#SPN #supernatural #song lyrics #The Gaslight Anthem #gaslight anthem #these are perfect #have I gone overboard? #possibly #winchesters #dean winchester #sam winchester #destiel #castiel #@occamshipper #i know you make vids #save

[stardancerluv]

The Adventure of a King and his Queen

Part 4

Summary: Talking to Roman, brings the first moments you two shared back. Will remembering the past help in the uncertainty of the future.

Arthur’s note: (about the collage first)

On the left you see some images from 1st Collage I made for Roman and this particular reader. The middle is from the past but his ability to still be terrifying so I broughtit as a strong half way point between the past and present. Right side...simply the present moment.

In the story, there is some italics is Reader’s memory of how the events unfolded in Part One of Creative Fervor.

Freshening, yourself up you prepared for talking to Roman. It wasn’t till you were there did it really hit you that he could very feasibly say no.

He was going to say yes. He just had to.

You went to the bedroom. You found a dress that you were found of despite being eight months pregnant. Stepping into the bathroom, you brushed your hair, so it was nice and silky.

Feeling, more beautiful then you had in a long time. Sure you felt pretty. You felt very mommy like but anything else, not since he took great pride in making you a mommy. That was the Roman you wanted back. With a pang in your heart, you went to the bar and made him a drink. Going to his office, you were happy to see that he was alone.

You knocked, this time you didn’t just enter.

“Baby.” He said softly. “Come in.”

Happily, you did so. Perhaps, the talk...the kiss lingered in his memory.

Your fingers brushed against each other as he took the glass from you.

“Roman, do we have time?”

He tiled his head to one side. “What’s on your mind.”

“I have something very important to discuss with you.”

He stood then. His hand went to your stomach. His eyes were vivid as he looked at you. “Is the baby ok?”

The baby kicked as if knowing know daddy was there. You placed your hand over his. “The baby is saying hello.”

Your eyes met, you were able to forget what those bitches had done to your life.

He took his drink and inhaled it. He gently rubbed where his hand laid. “What is on your mind?”

“Please go and sit on your sofa, I want you to be comfortable when I tell you this.”

His eyes narrowed but then he shrugged. “I can do that.”

Truth of the matter for some reason, fear entered your heart as you walked over to the door and closed it.

You took three steps towards him....you remembered...

Some five years ago, you found yourself handcuffed to a chair downstairs. You had heard his voice before he had stepped out of the shadows.

You took three more steps...

Your crush on him, had been long since been forgotten. You only knew what you had read in the papers. Club owner. Violent. Killed for power. There was Victor, he was the one who nabbed you. Oh, how he made you shake despite him being very contrite towards you. You will never forget to thay had made you initally shak like with fear, both of then had.

You took two more, steps. As you saw him then, you remembered how you felt when yours eyes settled on him once the blindfold was removed.

You remembered how you had found him incredibly handsome and absolutely terrifying all at once.

Just like right now., finally you were able to sit beside him on the sofa.

“Talk to me, baby.” His hand went over yours.

“Roman, I would do anything for you.”

He nodded.

“And I will continue to do anything.” You paused as tears filled in your eyes, you bowed your head much like that first time

His hand, tilted your head up. “Don’t hide from me even if its tears.”

“Ok.” You took a breath and swallowed it. “Roman, I wanted to kill those bitches that night. I wanted to kill them for stealing you away from me, for stealing you away from our baby.”

“I was still here.” You heard his voice waver, you met his eyes. Those black metal lips pressed together. “Alright, but I just didn’t want you have look at what I became. What was taken away from me. “

“But I love you.” You grabbed his shoulder, as you looked into the crashing waves that were his eyes “I didn’t care, I still don’t.“ Your anguish finally bubbled and simply flowed from your mouth, your words.

“I know this was your mask, part of you,” You cupped the cold metal. “But was never something that completed who you were.”

“Yes.”

“So when this happened, I decided to start looking for ways to separate the two of you once again.”

“Oh?”

You nodded. “Never once did I ever let it be known who I was looking for or for that who I was.”

“That’s good.” He paused. “In retrospect it scares me that you did this in well your state.”

“I was careful. I made sure I never was exposed until today.”

“What?” His voice filled the room.

“I found a solution that needed a face to face encounter.”

“What if something hopped to you? Or the baby?”

“I can honestly, say despite it all if I were to die hoping to bring you a solution I was willing to do it.”

He grabbed you then. “Oooowwww.” You called out. His grasp on your chin hurt.

His face was close to yours. “I am not worthy of that kind of sacrifice.”

“Yes, you are. You are the man I love.”

He continued to look at you but didn’t say a word.

“I am here. I am back from that meeting.”

He let you go of your chin. “I need another drink.”

“I will grab it.”

“I have a bottle in my desk.”

You shared a look but didn’t utter a work. Going over you opened the drawer. You found the bottle, opening it. You poured a healthy drink

Coming back, as you handed him the glass his fingers brushed yours again.

“Tell me.” He drank half of what you poured. “Who did you meet with?”

“Ras Al Ghul.”

@darling-i-read-it @spn-obession @vintagemichelle91 @xxxeatyourh3artoutxxx @ewanfuckingmcgregor @zodiyack @angel98624 @starwarsprequelfangirl @nebulastarr @emyliabernstein @thepeachreads @itsknife2meetu @whyisgmora @theblackmaskclub @omghappilyuniquebouquetlove @nomnomnomnamja @poe-kadot26 @top-rumbelle-fan @primadonna-girl23 @hazel-nuss @vcat55 @feelthemadnessinside @rosionis @queenofgotham800 @brookisbi @peachthatdrinkslemonade @johallzy @foreverhockeytrash @frostypenguinoz @scarlett-black1 @smoltiddygf @starwarsslytherin @dandycandy75

#part four #ewan mcgregor #roman sionis x you #roman sionis x reader #bop #birds of prey #roman sionis fanfiction #black mask x y/n #black mask fanfiction #black mask x you #black mask x reader #the adventure of the king and his queen