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noyzinerd · 1 year

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The Sterek Timeline Between The Show And The Movie: Friends To Lovers, Single-Parent, Slowburn

My new headcanon is that Derek had Eli during his time in South America during the later seasons (like around s04-s06).

He wasn't exactly hiding Eli, it was just that no one in the pack bothered to ask and it never came up because Derek only saw the pack around that time when there was a crisis and no time to catch up.

At some point, years before the up-coming movie, the FBI are once again investigating a string of werewolf related murders in South America (that Derek was already investigating, as it involved pack networking and territories and alliances and all that werewolf diplomacy jazz he was looking into in s06) and Stiles and Derek's paths cross again.

So the two of them team up and have a little mini-adventure and Stiles finds out about Eli when he's about 4. Since the sting operation requires careful planning and gathering intel, Stiles ends up crashing at Derek's place for like a month as they work the case. Stiles gets to see how Derek lives and gets to learn more about his adorable son. His heart absolutely melts watching Derek do Dad things, like chasing down errant missing socks and arranging snacks into animal shapes and just being this soft, loving guy he never got to be back in Beacon Hills.

Meanwhile, Derek gets to see how great Stiles is with Eli. Stiles purposely over-exaggerates his already silly, fast-talking, flail-y nature and it's a big hit with the toddler. Futhermore, Stiles isn't afraid to make a fool of himself, so his silly sounds and voices and his ridiculous dancing have this unrestrained honesty that Derek (or anyone else, for that matter) could only ever dream to achieve.

When the mission is over and it's time for Stiles to leave, he instead takes a sabbatical to help with Eli while Derek cleans up pack business for a few days.

But then a few days turn into another week or two because Stiles should really stick around to make sure everything is truly resolved with the case. Got to make sure there aren't any loose ends.

A few weeks turns into a month, because, despite being there for two months, Stiles hasn't actually gotten the chance to see the sights and explore South America. Besides, the FBI won't contact him again until a new big case drops, so why not enjoy himself until then?

And eventually, Stiles just never leaves.

Of course, during this time Derek and Stiles grow closer and slowly get together.

All while the pack is none the wiser.

When the movie events roll around, I imagine everyone loses their mind about finding out that Derek had a kid.

By the time they call Stiles to tell him the mind-blowing news that Derek has a son, Stiles is just like, "Oh, Eli? Yeah, I've known for like 10 years...guess I forgot to tell anyone...whoops..."

(He also forgets to mention that they've been living together as a family for all of those 10 years too...double whoops...)

#sterek #teen wolf #stiles stilinski #derek hale #mieczysław stiles stilinski #eli hale #tyler hoechlin #dylan o'brien #minific #headcanon #I like to think the Sheriff was updated about all this the whole time but didn't tell anyone because it wasn't his business to tell #And the sheriff figured Stiles never told anyone because it was supposed to be a secret #Not realizing Stiles just forgot to mention it for 10 years #Oh and the Stilinski-Hales moved back to Beacon Hills the following year when Eli turned 5 #That way he wouldn't be leaving any friends behind and be able to make new friends when he started the first day of kindergarten #Hopefully this post will be enough to sustain all you content-goblins (I say fondly) over the Thanksgiving weekend #happy thanksgiving everybody 🤗

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anika-ann · 1 year

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Protect and Serve - Pt.1

Ch1: The Meet and the Cute

Type: multichapter, Teen Wolf post s06-A, slight AU

Pairing: Jordan Parrish x reader Word count ch1: 2600

Summary: In a need of change of scenery for a while, you stabbed your finger into a map and ended up heading to Beacon Hills to start anew. You cared little for obscure blog posts claiming the town had a reputation – house prices were a miracle and there was a job opening at local high school.

And if the population was half as nice and pretty as certain Deputy patrolling the streets, you were going to be just fine. ...right?

Warnings: fluff and cutesy, cops?, serial killer mention, language

A/N: Title (besides from the obvious) from s05e09: “I'm a very good deputy, and I'd like to stay that way. Flipping over jeeps and attacking colleagues doesn't exactly fit with protect and serve.” (J.P.)

A/N2: not sure anyone will even read this since it’s kinda niche AND so late to the party but... ah well. Was itching to write this. There’s not enough JP x reader out there. Divider by firefly-graphics

One glance – that was all it took. Just one glance and all hope was lost at last, even as you knew the end was long time coming.

“No! No, no, nooooo,” you whined, watching the screen turn dark, the company logo flickering up once more before your phone died completely, your gaze snapping back to the road. “Dammit!”

Scanning your surroundings, you found the nearest place to stop – a simple task, truly, since Beacon County was apparently nothing but woods – and pulled over, killing the engine.

You deserved this; you knew that. That’s what you got for postponing basic things like buying a new charging cable – something you had meant to do weeks ago. But between packing, filling in a mountain of paperwork, calls with Mrs. Martin and goodbyes to your few friends, you felt too exhausted to do a single piece of work extra. Such as purchasing a silly piece of electronics.

It was karma, really. Bitchy karma who left you with Beacon Hills at your fingertips and a dead GPS. It wasn’t that you hadn’t looked up the map of the place before; you just succumbed to the sin of modern times and didn’t care much to actually remember where the school was in position to your new home, relying on a piece of technology instead.

It was the cop’s fault anyway. Your phone was supposed to last, you should have already been in Beacon Hills, waiting for the appointment with Principal Martin, but apparently the Beacon County Sherriff’s department was taking their job a little too seriously when directing traffic. Deputy Whatshisname had held you up too long when checking the papers, making you blow into the stupid breathalyser and walk a straight line despite your reassurances that you had not been drinking and driving. He just had to check your first aid kit and other obligatory equipment too; and now your phone was useless. You hoped karma was about to bite Mr.Deuty in the ass too.

“No use crying now…” you muttered under your breath, cursing when you realized you couldn’t even call your future boss and apologize for probably being late.

Plugging your phone in, toying with the pitiful excuse of a cable for a bit, you slowly started the car again, mentally crossed your fingers and hoped for the best.

You reached Beacon Hills in barely two minutes with no problems – it was the town itself which posed a challenge.

Half past eleven in the morning, the roads were nearly free of cars. A good thing, truly, because with how slow you were going, eyes sharp as your gaze trailed over every sign, trying to spy names of the streets and hoping for something to spark a memory, you might encounter some serious road rage of other drivers otherwise.

Instinctively, you tried to head towards the town centre, sure you were doing a decent job, until you found yourself on the edge of the town again, quickly making a U-turn and heading back.

Maybe the blog posts were right about this town: there was something strange going on. Maybe it was a labyrinth. Maybe it was like a Bermuda triangle. Hell, maybe it didn’t even exist in the same realm as the rest of the world, floating in some parallel universe-

You scoffed and eyed your watch. You were already late. You might as well stop by the coffee shop you had passed five minutes ago – if you’d be able to find it again. Maybe there would be someone with a functioning charging cable willing to lend it for a small coffee and cheesecake bribe too.

Resigned, you added coffee shops and bakeries to list of things to keep an eye out for as you slowly followed the road, watching people on their lunch break filling the streets. You really didn’t want to stop and ask for directions like an idiot, but you promised yourself that unless you found your way in the next three minutes, you-

The sudden blare of a police siren made you jump in your seat, dull pain in your chest following the startle in your heart. Jesus. Before you could try to find the source, the red and blue flashed in the corner of your eyes in your rear-view mirror.

Along with the flashing sign asking you to stop.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

This wasn’t karma toying with you anymore. This was God’s fucking punishment.

And the Beacon County Sherriff’s department definitely already hated you.

With a sigh, you pulled over at the nearest opening, grateful for the siren instantly falling silent, quickly followed by the flashing lights dying out as the door of the police car opened.

Fine. Fine. So you’d have your papers checked twice in one day, whatever. But you swore if they would test you for alcohol again, you’d throw a fit. It was already midday. You were supposed to be at the school at the moment and you would have, hadn’t it been for the self-important prick in uniform you encountered less than an hour ago.

You pulled your window down and dug into your glove compartment in search of the documents for the second time that day, throwing them on the passenger seat. Looking for your driver’s licence next as you heard the officer stop by your door, you started talking, willing yourself to be nice despite the world not returning the favour today.

“Okay, officer, I’m sorry and I mean no disrespect, but could we deal with this really fast? I swear I have been pulled over for checking papers two towns over, breathalyser and walking included, and I know for a fact that I haven’t done anything wrong now and I was most definitely not speeding, so please just let me show you the papers and we’ll be on our way, because I’m already late, okay?” you blurted out in one breath, finally finding your prize.

Ha!

“Ma’am.”

The police officer addressed you with a surprisingly low level of irritation in his voice, but you felt a pang of shame anyway as you gathered all the documents.

“I’m sorry, that was rude, but it was also the truth and it would really help me, so here-“

The moment you turned to hand your papers to the poor man who was just doing his job and looked up, your brain came to a screeching halt – and refused to work in anything but simple short sentences.

Oh. He’s young.

Oh, he’s pretty.

Oh god, he needs a bigger uniform. The sleeves are definitely too tight. His arms-

Speaking of arms. And shoulders. He had a patch on the uniform. He wasn’t an officer. He was with the Sherriff’s department, after all. He was a Deputy.

A really, really handsome deputy.

With a light-brown ruffled hair and cute wrinkle between his brows as his bright green eyes roamed your face with misplaced but entirely genuine concern, the corners of his lips lifted in a careful but friendly smile.

You were fucked. You would also like to be fucked. By him. He could use the handcuffs that were no doubt fastened on the back of his belt if he wanted. On you or on him. No preference. Jesus. Your mind was definitely not supposed to head into the gutter so fast, but here you were.

This must have been karma paying you back for your grief. She sent Deputy Parrish to make your day better. You didn’t know whether to climb him like a tree or pinch his cheek first – that was how attractive and absolutely entirely cute he was. Especially when he frowned a little harder.

Be still my foolish heart.

“Ma’am? Are you okay?”

“Yes! Sir.” you blurted out, letting go of the papers at last. “I’m fine.”

And so are you.

You couldn’t believe he was addressing you as ma’am. Then again, you couldn’t believe you just called him Sir. You needed to get a grip.

On him, your brain helpfully supplied and even as you completely agreed, you willed to remind yourself you were an adult and not a screeching horny teenager. Which was slightly difficult since the Deputy’s lips curled up in an easy smile.

“Good. And you’re right, you weren’t speeding,” he assured you, completely ignoring the documents you handed him, eyes firmly on yours.

They really were pretty. But momentarily not enough to distract you from what he said. Go adulthood.

“I’m pretty sure I was going on a snail pace.”

“Exactly,” he confirmed, his smile growing along with your bewilderment.

He wasn’t checking your papers, still. He didn’t pull you over because you were speeding – quite the opposite, it seemed. Huh? What were you missing? It was your turn to frown.

“…you pulled me over because I was going too slow?” you asked, slowly, pondering over every syllable, because even as you said it, it made no damn sense.

“Yes-“

“But this isn’t a free-way! There’s no limit, is there?” you questioned. Wait, was there? Was that a California thing? A Beacon County thing you failed to research? “...I probably shouldn’t admit to this, but I’m so very confused right now.”

The Deputy – Parrish, his nametag read – chuckled, flashing a perfect white line of teeth in the process, his left eyebrow arching almost playfully.

“Don’t worry, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just don’t remember seeing your car around before and given the fact you were on the opposite end of the speed limit, I was wondering if you needed any help?”

Your confusion hit an entirely new limit. You understood every word he said, but it seemed like they made no sense whatsoever when woven together like this. You blinked several times, but the image of a handsome and apparently an overly helpful deputy didn’t disappear. Not even when you tilted your head. Weird.

“…you pulled me over because I looked lost and you thought I might need help…?”

He grimaced, even as the amiability still shone from his eyes. “It does sound pretty strange now that I think of it, doesn’t it?”

It did.

It also probably sounded a little creepy.

And maybe it should scare you, especially since the guy was a pretty face – a devil with a face of an angel, you heard all about those, the charming serial killers – but something told you that you could trust him. If not for the strangely intense gut feeling telling you this guy did not have a single mean bone in his body, then for the fact that there was another person in the car waiting for him. Surely, they couldn’t both be serial killers. Right?

And there were a few people around who could be potential witnesses in case these two planned to Ted-Bundy you in the nearby woods, so you were going to be fine.

But mostly, Deputy Parrish was emitting such a warm and kind aura, with his boyish smile – a little self-deprecating now, bless his heart – making his bright green irises crinkle, that you simply couldn’t but trust him.

You hoped it wouldn’t bite you in the ass. Though you’d have nothing against him biting-

You cleared your throat.

“A little…” you admitted at last, a smile spreading your lips as well as the tips of his ears seemed to grow slightly red, “but truth to be told, I am lost and you look like the kind of a cop who’s really dedicated to the whole ‘protect and serve’ thing, Deputy Parrish. So… thanks for the care, I guess.”

“All the same.” He gave you back your documents without sparing them a single glance, his free hands now occupied by resting on his belt. “Where you headed?”

High school. The simple and most adequate answer was high school. But the sincerely curious tone in Mr. Handsome Deputy’s voice just flipped a switch in your brain, leading you to share way more than necessary.

“Uhm… I have meeting with the principal of local high school. I’m gonna teach there, starting next week. English and Spanish.”

“Oh! Welcome then,” he greeted you warmly, seemingly pleased by that information for some reason. “High school’s easy enough. Just follow us.”

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise. He was joking, right?

He did not look like he was joking.

In fact, he seemed perfectly relaxed – even if still standing tall, shoulders squared -, the easy smile still on his lips, he reciprocated your gaze with more patience than you probably deserved.

Instinctively, you looked over your shoulder, finding the Deputy’s companion waiting in the car, playing with his phone. From the distance, he appeared completely unbothered by the world around him.

“Miss?”

You head snapped back to Deputy Parrish, not missing his slightly amused tone or the change in addressing. One corner of his lips lifted, you noticed he was slightly leaned forward to you. If you had even a little bit higher opinion of yourself, you’d say he was flirting. And he was on the job – a job he clearly took very seriously. Definitely not flirting. Right?

“But you-- he… really?”

“Yes.”

Well. That actually sounded great. Lord knew you were already spectacularly late. You’d take your chance – as surreal as this whole encounter had been so far; you might as well make the most of it. Especially with a willing and maybe flirty eye-candy like Deputy Parrish.

Leaning onto the frame of the window, you gazed up at the man, eyes narrowing in playful suspicion.

“Is this a trick? Are you actually arresting me? I mean… surely you have better things to do than help a teacher with a dead GPS find her way...?”

His gaze flickered to the console to your phone and the excuse of a charger, the root of all trouble – trouble you were barely worried about momentarily, since he gave you a sympathetic smile.

“I promise we’re not arresting you. The school’s less than ten minutes away. It’s no trouble, really,” he said, shrugging it off.

The choice was easy then – with one little detail.

“Thank you… but you will not turn on the siren, right? And the flashing lights?” you pleaded, only half-joking. He quirked one corner of his lips. “‘Cause I would never get away with telling the class to be quiet if I make that much noise just arriving at school for the first time.”

You were well-aware it was past midday – but you’d swear that when the man laughed, because of something you said with an intention to make him laugh, the sun only had just finally come out. It was a blinding sight; and your smile widened of its own volition at the joyful sound.

“I will not turn on the lights nor the siren and I’ll stop a few streets over so you don’t make a spectacle on your first day,” he promised, still chuckling, so absurdly sunshine-like you truly were tempted to put your sunglasses on. And maybe a facial mask to hide just how hot your face felt under his appreciative gaze.

“Bless you, Deputy.”

“Hey, it’s protect and serve, right?” he echoed your earlier words, grinning.

For some inexplicable reason, the best reaction you came up as he was turning to leave was to mimic a salute.

You groaned in embarrassment as soon as you believed him to be out of earshot and sight – but still, you were sensible enough to check the side mirror to catch a glimpse of him leaving.

You were not disappointed. The sleeves were not the only part of his attire that was a little snug. Bless the Deputy, indeed.

As you eventually pulled up at the school parking lot, the police car disappearing in the distance, you found yourself still smiling wide despite regretting some of your choices; the memory of the attractive Deputy fresh in your mind, you couldn’t help but feeling an imprint on your heart too, his wholesome persona and contagious smile leaving you giddy and ready to face your fresh start.

Even if you were a little late for it.

Next part // Series masterlist // Complete masterlist

Thank you for reading 💕

As I mentioned, this is probably going to be pretty niche, so perhaps more than ever, I’ll be happy for any comments/reblogs - we breathe for interaction here ✨

#fanfiction #jordan parrish x reader #jordan parrish x you #jordan parrish imagine #jordan parrish fluff #deputy jordan parrish #jordan parrish #teen wolf #teen wolf fanfiction #deputy jordan parrish x reader #deputy parrish x reader #protect and serve #anika ann

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fuckmeyer · 11 months

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"disturbed, depressed, inadequate": Edward Cullen & George Costanza, cringefail twinsies

as we all know, Twilight and Seinfeld are canonically set in the same universe. we see blatant clues scattered throughout both series. (e.g., Stephenie Meyer prefacing New Moon with the entirety of Jerry Seinfeld's opening stand-up from season 4's "The Outing;" Jerry making a Twilight reference in "The Soup" episode of Seinfeld, etc.) most notably, we see Edward Cullen & George Costanza's personalities mirror each other in a way that extends far beyond "pure" "coincidence." upon closer examination, they are the same person in parallel universes.

the two are, canonically, absolute losers seemingly broken beyond repair, self-saboteurs who waffle between moments of self-aggrandizement and self-loathing. their negative self-image, insecurities, & belief that they do not deserve love are recurring themes in their respective series.

among other things, George describes himself as "disturbed, depressed, inadequate," ("The Visa," S04) "completely insecure, paranoid, [and] neurotic" ("The Beard," S06). he is the self-proclaimed "Lord of the Idiots" ("The Apartment," S02) who is sure of only one thing: "There is no bigger loser than me" ("The Strike," S09).

in the Twilight Saga, Edward repeatedly calls himself "selfish" & a "monster." in Midnight Sun, he's a "coward" (37), "evil" (374) & an "obsessed stalker" (94). clearly depressed in the way he describes his "long melancholy" (138) as "an unending, unchanging midnight" (136), he quickly pinpoints the feelings behind his hatred for Bella: "What I really hated was myself" (26). his distaste for Mike Newton & jealousy of Jacob Black stem from his insecurity, while his paranoia has him assuming, among other things, that a meteor will crash down & bonk Bella out of existence (131). Edward's telepathy has him always on the alert for intruders, resulting in baseless conclusions. "Idiot," Rose calls him (97, 129, 145, 202, 314). idiot, indeed.

Edward & George's low self-esteem compel them to lie, unable to live up to the perceived expectations of others. after Edward saves Bella from a car accident, he lies to her to keep her away. "I had a show to put on now. I knew the role I would play—I had the character down: I would be the villain. I would lie and ridicule and be cruel" (MS, 90). beyond shielding her from his true nature, he is shielding her from a deeper truth: "I didn't deserve any link, any claim to her at all" (728). that is, Edward does not consider himself worthy of Bella's love. he even point-blank admits it to her at prom: "I'm not worth it." (782)

George, too, struggles to live up to assumed perceptions: “You see, this is what I do with women. I start out too strong, now I have to become real. That's when it all falls apart. What good is real?" ("The Visa," S04) like Edward, he engages in deceptive tactics throughout the series to keep his partners at arm's length, from creating falsehoods about himself to preventing his fiancée from fraternizing with his friends & entering his world. ("The Pool Guy," S07) Edward, more succinct, sends Bella the same message in New Moon: "My world is not for you." (37)

in fact, one of the few traits George & Edward possess that is not negatively regarded is their ability to lie. Edward's declaration that "I was not an incompetent liar" (MS, 77) seems an understatement when, not 10 pages later, he says, "Perhaps I was too good a liar if I could fool Carlisle" (85). he claims to feel guilty; then again, Bella often notes him lying outright or by omission in the series.

"I lie every second of my life," George brags in season 2's "The Apartment." "My whole life is a sham." other characters acknowledge & praise this ability. in the episode "The Beard" (S06), Jerry begs George to help him beat a polygraph test, calling his ability "a gift." just as Edward dramatizes his lying to "putting on a show," George likens his talent to singing opera: "It's like saying to Pavarotti, 'Teach me to sing like you.'" the advice he gives Jerry aptly sums up George's philosophy: "It's not a lie if you believe it." how fitting that this is the mindset Edward employs to stay in Bella's life a little longer.

George & Edward's relationships not only showcase their ability to lie but follow similar paths. George faces Edward's exact dilemma: the choice to deny his nature (to the point of becoming vegetarian!) for an attractive woman in "The Secretary" episode of season 6. "You're luscious," he says to a beautiful applicant for an open secretary position. "You're ravishing. I would give up red meat just to get a glimpse of you in a bra." George chooses not to hire the attractive secretary... but ends up sleeping with his 'unattractive' secretary anyway. Edward, meanwhile, does the opposite: he chooses vegetarianism and to date the object of his affection, albeit with personal turmoil. where Edward chooses to be the man, George chooses to be the monster.

unsurprisingly, however, their low self-esteem is a frequent barrier to their romantic pursuits. these insecurities even lead them to preemptively decide to break up with their significant other. in George's case, the breakup in season 3's "The Pez Dispenser" is a means for him to protect himself & regain control:

“A preemptive breakup. This is an incredible idea. I got nothing to lose. We either break up, which she would do anyway, but at least I go out with some dignity.”

Edward seemingly breaks up with Bella to protect her. he knows he will leave her by page 368 of Midnight Sun. by page 746, he admits he's lying when he swears he won't leave her. "[T]he time would come, I was sure now, when I would have to convince her [I didn't want her]" (747). best-case scenario, he thinks, she will outgrow him (781), though it's clear she intends on forever. despite the evidence from Alice that Bella will be a catatonic mess, he leaves...several months later, after a near-fatal brush with Jasper. one might argue Edward's fear of love & intimacy leads him to break up with her as a means to protect himself from the harsh reality that she will die.

ultimately, George & Edward's failures in physical & emotional intimacy are rooted, at least in part, in an aversion to sex.

for both, the desire to feed presents a barrier to their lovemaking. Edward is unable to prolong his kisses with Bella, citing his thirst. he compares himself to "an alcoholic" & Bella to "a glass of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac..." (Twilight, 13). similarly, in season 9's "The Blood," George finds he is always hungry around his partner & can't make love to her without eating. his attempt to introduce strawberries, chocolate sauce, & pastrami on rye into the bedroom snowballs into him sneaking sandwiches into bed. though George, unlike Edward, can satiate himself without murdering his girlfriend, his desire to feed still leads to his demise.

this aversion to sex extends beyond a conflict with their baser selves, however. we see George & Edward's insecurities & low self-esteem take a central role in their inability to engage in intimate relations.

“I don't like when a woman says, ‘Make love to me,’" says George in season 3's "The Stranded." "It's intimidating. The last time a woman said that to me, I wound up apologizing to her.”

this quote perfectly encapsulates Edward & Bella's wedding night. despite being intimidated by Bella's demand for sex, Edward acquiesces. upon discovering he bruised Bella, Edward confirms his worst fears, calls himself a monster, and says: "I'm...so sorry, Bella. [...] I am more sorry than I can tell you" (Breaking Dawn, 61). he then promises, "I will not make love with you until you've been changed. I will never hurt you again." (66)

oddly enough, the bleak outlook Edward takes on his sex life (i.e., not possible (Twilight, 147) & unrealistic (Eclipse, 299)) mirrors George's feelings re: sexual intimacy in "The Pony Remark" (S02):

“You know, I've been thinking. I cannot envision any circumstances in which I'll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How's it gonna happen? I just don't see how it could occur.”

is this aversion to intimacy with women a product of George & Edward being queer-coded characters? even if Edward didn't worship the ground on which Carlisle "the soul of [the] family" (MS, 96) walked to the point where he hopes his face resembles Carlisle's "perfect" one (24, 387), he constantly thinks of his creator & tries to live up to Carlisle's perception of him (28, 347, 383, 387). this seems innocuous enough until we consider the fact that the vampire genre itself has queer roots. vampires have always served as a symbol for social outcasts; homosexual depictions, from the 1872 novel Carmilla to the 2020s reboot of Interview with a Vampire, are a common feature of the genre. through this lens, the virginal Edward Cullen pushing away his heterosexual partner while he envisions Carlisle's face takes on different connotations.

George, deeply in denial of his sexuality, upholds odd "rules" to avoid being seen as gay, from refusing to sit "boy-boy-girl" in a car ("The Ex-Girlfriend," S02), to reminding Jerry of his "unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality" before declaring Jerry's new jacket "fabulous." (his singing show tunes throughout "The Jacket" (S02) still earns him the title of gay by another character, however.) he frequently goes into a gay panic: from being called out on his attraction to Jerry ("The Cartoon," S09), to being accused of falling in love with his friend Tony ("The Stall," S05), to being explicitly labeled as Jerry's romantic partner in season 4's "The Outing," he responds to challenges to his heterosexuality with anger, anxiety, dismay, & denial. he even shouts "IT [his penis] MOVED!" in response to being touched by an attractive male masseuse ("The Masseuse," S05). regardless of whether George may be gay or bisexual, George's record of "staunch heterosexuality" seems not as "unblemished" as he would like us to believe.

given all the similarities, one might think the biggest difference is their species: Edward is a mindreading vampire and George is a human. but George does note having an advanced sense of perception akin to Edward's telepathy: "I was personable, I was bright. [...] I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party" ("The Opposite," S05). additionally, while George may not be a literal vampire, he does have a parasitic nature. cheap & selfish, he frequently mooches off his friends & leaves them footing the bill. he also lies & manipulates for his own gain, including but not limited to faking a disability to have access to his own private bathroom at work ("The Butter Shave," S09), setting up a fake charity to avoid buying Christmas presents for his coworkers ("The Strike," S09), & falsifying statements to extend his unemployment benefits ("The Boyfriend, Part 1," S03). leeching off of others & the community is a hallmark of vampirism.

ultimately, the uncanny parallels between these two characters are impossible to ignore. George & Edward seem indeed the same person mirrored into different universes. so, what does this say about their creator(s)? this "coincidence" naturally begs the question: Are Jerry Seinfeld and Stephenie Meyer the same person? in Part 2 of this essay, we expl—

#i hope this crit analysis finds u as a brick crashing thru ur window @ 3am w/ a postit note written in blood that says 'i love you'#to all my ole twilight conspiracy theory besties: you are getting multiple bricks with lipstick prints on them. wya!?!?!?!?!?#come outside i have the corkboard & red string & mom says i don't have to be back until the streetlamps come on #twilight #twilight meta #twilight renaissance #the twilight saga #edward cullen #george costanza #bella swan #seinfeld #jason alexander #jerry seinfeld #twilight saga #twilight revival #twilight shitposting #fuckmeyer classic #FINALLY my compulsive seinfeld watching comes in handy #feeling alive and free rn #New York Times calls this post 'riveting. a triumphant return'#GoodReads gives it a 3.5/5 stars. “wish it was gayer.” - me too bestie. me too.#*jeb! bush voice*: please clap.

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neverscreens · 2 years

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MASTERLIST OF SCREENCAPS, PT2.

Click here to go to part 1.

I hope its useful and helps you find what you need! Don't forget that besides these packs we also have individual posts, from since the beginning of this blog in 2017!

FULL SEASONS SCREENCAPS.

Looking for Alaska, Whole Miniseries.

Heartbreak High, Season One.

Fate: The Winx Saga, Season Two.

Pistol, Miniseries Complete.

Panic, Complete.

The Bear, Season One.

The White Lotus, Season Two.

GAP: The Series, Being updated.

Wednesday, Season One.

Young Royals, Season Two.

Gossip Girl, Season Two.

MOVIES SCREENCAPS.

Passengers, 141 Screencaps.

Red Riding Hood, 334 Screencaps.

Can't Buy Me Love, 240 Screencaps.

Coraline, 780 Screencaps.

Jennifer's Body, 670 Screencaps.

The School for Good and Evil, 896 Screencaps.

The Nightmare Before Christmas, 609 Screencaps.

Monster House, 540 Screencaps.

Fear Street: 1994, 377 Screencaps.

Corpse Bride, 924 Screencaps.

Fear Street 1978, 489 Screencaps.

Fear Street 1666, 433 Screencaps.

Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost, 403 Screencaps.

Beyond the Universe, 481 Screencaps.

Clouds, 642 Screencaps.

My Policeman, 810 Screencaps.

Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me, 800 Screencaps.

Holidate, 401 Screencaps.

Last Christmas, 397 Screencaps.

Falling for Christmas, 722 Screencaps.

Pearl, 441 Screencaps.

The Lost Girls, 190 Screencaps.

Disenchanted, 700 Screencaps.

Let it Snow, 370 Screencaps.

20th Century Girl, 403 Screencaps.

Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday, 305 Screencaps.

Dear Zoe, 202 Screencaps.

Something from Tiffany's, 279 Screencaps.

Hotel for the Holidays, 373 Screencaps.

The Princess Switch 2, 580 Screencaps.

Sharp Stick, 228 Screencaps.

Cow Belles, 289 Screencaps.

LOOSE EPISODES.

Only Murders in the Building, 96 Screencaps.

Never Have I Ever S03E01, 109 Screencaps.

Hunters S01E01, 81 Screencaps.

High School Musical TMTS, Season Three Almost Complete.

The Rings of Power. First three eps.

Christmas in 2 Broke Girls, 86 Screencaps.

Christmas in Friends, 109 Screencaps.

Christmas in TVD, 166 Screencaps.

The Addams Family '64, 233 Screencaps.

Pretty Little Liars S05E13, 220 Screencaps.

MISCELLANEOUS: INTERVIEWS, VLOGS, LIVE AND GAMES.

Ross Lynch, 36 Screencaps.

Taylor Swift JIMMYF, 45 Screencaps.

Claudia and Kennedy Walsh Xmas Vlog, 140 Screencaps.

Jenna Ortega in Technicolor, 58 Screencaps.

Jão VEVO Performance, 94 Screencaps.

Xmas w Claudia + Kennedy Walsh, 104 Screencaps.

Olivia Rodrigo MetGala22, 93 Screencaps.

Billie Eilish Beauty Routine, 75 Screencaps.

Billie Same Interview 6th Year, 137 Screencaps.

Millie Bobby Brown Lie Detector, 102 Screencaps.

Elizabeth Olsen for IGN, 33 Screencaps.

Elizabeth Olsen's 5-minute easy radiant skin routine, 113 Screencaps.

Elizabeth Olsen was raised on Musicals and Sitcoms | W Magazine, 77 Screencaps.

Iman Vellani on Ms. Marvel’s POWERS and How The Marvels Fits into the MCU (Exclusive), 45 Screencaps.

MUSIC VIDEOS.

Britney — You Drive Me Crazy, 61 Screencaps.

Taylor Swift — Anti-Hero, 110 Screencaps.

Taylor Swift — Bejeweled, 98 Screencaps.

Sabrina Carpenter — Nonsense, 118 Screencaps.

Hailee Steinfeld — Coast, 87 Screencaps.

Camila Cabello — Havana, 55 Screencaps.

Sabrina Carpenter — Skinny Dipping, 75 Screencaps.

XG — Left Right, 189 Screencaps.

Rosalía — Con Altura, 61 Screencaps.

Twice — Set me free, 131 Screencaps.

Ive — Kitsch, 162 Screencaps.

Jisoo — Flower, 114 Screencaps.

CHARACTERS SCENE PACKS.

Amanda Seyfried in The Dropout, 323 Screencaps.

Robby Keene, S03, 101 Screencaps.

Jules Millin S19E02 — Grey's A., 56 Screencaps.

Isadora Artinan — ELITE, All Scenes in S06.

Judith Grimes — TWD, 118 Screencaps.

JOY in Once Upon a Small Town, All Scenes S01.

Mariana Foster GT S04, 118 Screencaps.

Mariana Foster TF S04, 76 Screencaps.

IU in Persona, 102 Screencaps.

Anita — Bom dia, Veronica S01, 139 Screencaps.

TRAILERS

Elemental (2023), 29 Screencaps.

The Super Mario Bros. Movie, 67 Screencaps.

Emily in Paris S03 Announcement, 43 Screencaps.

Emily in Paris S03 Trailer, 122 Screencaps.

Scream 6, 30 Screencaps.

Barbie Teaser, 44 Screencaps.

Renfield, 108 Screencaps.

You S04, 97 Screencaps.

#masterlist #screencaps masterlist #packs masterlist #screencaps packs masterlist

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katherine-mcnamara · 2 months

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Dev. 32. they/she. Not an rpt blog or much of an rph blog but a secret third thing. A trash panda that makes gif packs. I track #userdevon and anyone is free to tag me mutual or not.

gif pack directory (needs updating) || ko-fi || payhip || commission info

commission status: open slots available: 5/15

🦝 I get a lot of DM’s daily and Tumblr has been known to eat some here and there. I’m not ignoring anyone, If I haven’t replied in 3-5 days please ding me again. 🦝

WIP list under the cut of the next upcoming fully public packs

Ambika Mod in One Day 8 - 14 - Please see @annscollections for episodes 1 - 7 Sean Sagar in Sistas S06 Marina Moschen in Deus Salve O Rei 1 - 174 Imogen Waterhouse in The Outpost S01 - S03 Imogen Waterhouse in The Buccaneers S01 Aaron Fontaine in The Outpost S02 - S04 Jake Stormoen in The Outpost S01 - S04 Angel Coulby in Merlin S01 Kathryn Hahn in Tiny Beautiful Things Antonia Gentry in Ginny & Georgia S02 Debora Nascimento in Verão 90 Episodes 31 - 60 Ramon Rodriguez in Will Trent First Kanaphan in Only Friends (Uncut Version) Lola Tung in The Summer I Turned Pretty S02 Taylor Russell in Dr Bird's Advice For Sad Poets Joseph David Jones in The 4400 Mallory Bechtel in Pretty Little Liars: Original Sin Sidharth Malhotra in EK Villain

#pinned post #mobile navigation

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miraculousalamode · 1 year

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cake decorators, we need your help! our bakers (writers) have been working hard in the kitchen preparing something delicious, but now we need your help to make it look as good as it tastes!

throughout the week, we will be posting snippets and summaries from our bakers with a fic ID attached to them in order to keep the writer anonymous. please write down the fic IDs of the fics that you would be willing to work with, as well as the fic IDs of the fics you would absolutely not under any circumstance want to collaborate with.

at the end of all of these posts, we will post the artist applications for you to submit your answers!

FIC ID: S06

Pairing: Chloe Bourgeois/Felix Fathom

Rating: G

No Warnings Apply

Trigger Warnings: None I can think of. Not a Trigger warning but like, point of interest? Aro/Ace Felix.

Summary: Felix prides himself on his skill and self control. When he forgoes the perfect chance to obtain the peacock miraculous out of pride, he must redouble his efforts to obtain it another way. An unexpected encounter with Chloé Bourgeois upends his world, disrupting his neatly ordered emotions and self-image all in a go. While plotting against Gabriel Felix must come to grips with both life and himself being more complex than he had thought. A brat becomes an ally, then a friend in need, and finally a... partner... associate? A something. Life comes with many labels, and yet sometimes none of them fit.

Snippit: Gold- He found it. He found her. She froze as he burst from the stairwell, her keycard still clutched in one hand. Felix skidded to a halt before her, fists clenched, blurred vision coalescing. The words broke free. “I am not Adrien.”

He was hunched over, gulping the cold conditioned air. It burned worse than the sewer fug had. There was more.

These words were a defiant growl, “I am Felix!"

Chloé's deep blue eyes were saucers. A protracted silence grew between them; no motion and the only sound in the hallway was Felix's panting breaths.

After an eternity her head snapped to the side. With eye contact broken her posture shifted into that easy aristocratic dismissiveness. Yet her first response was something mumbled and sincere, "Of course you are."

The spring unwound.

She, too, was not done. She looked back at him with her chin up and her smirk restored, "You're also filthy! Where have you been, playing in the sewers? Eewww. I always knew you were strange, Felix, but this is ridiculous, utterly ridiculous."

Relief; relief more acute than freeing himself from death's grip below. Felix very nearly collapsed on suddenly shaking legs. No- he did. Down on one knee, he gritted his teeth around a taunting smile of his own. "It's called work, Chloé. You might have heard of it."

"Of course I've heard of it. Plenty of little people do-" she paused, craning her neck to look around him. "Felix, you're bleeding. Ewww- all over the marble, and the rugs!"

He hadn't even regained his feet when she had his arm. His exhaustion made him weak and she yanked him along, keycard opening the door to her suite. She didn't even slow down, pulling then pushing him into her bathroom. Felix stumbled, still mentally reeling from so much contact. His hackles were up but she didn't give him time to bite back.

"Clean yourself up! Oh my God, you're such a mess. Wash! Wash everything! No, forget it. We'll burn those clothes." She swept around to her vanity and opening it pulled out bottles, boxes, and scissors, throwing them in his general direction. "That's something- hold on-"

She pulled out her phone, pacing.

"Daddy! I want the doctor up in my suite right now! Yes, now!" Chloe stabbed hang up and glanced back at Felix. "Why are you just standing there?"

#miraculous a la mode fics #chloe bourgeois #felix fathom #felix gdv #queen bee

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mysteriouslybluepirate · 1 year

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Watching Con O'Neill's old stuff cause it's fun. Day #? Soldier Soldier S06 EP.09 Asking for it (Con's Conography. 1996)

In future if you want to read all of these posts, I've added the tag 'Con's Conography'. Now they're all in one nice spot!

Warnings for: Sexual assault/rape (committed by Con's character), abuse of power within the military structure, assault, abuse of power, sexist comments(what you would expect from the military).

Should I watch this before reading this? Is it worth it?:

Con plays a military official who abuses his station, sexually assaults a female private under his care, and semi-gets away with it with barely a scuff on the wrist in the end.

It's a really fucking good story about how women are treated in the military. Especially victims of sexual assault. He uses his power to try to get her kicked out. When that fails, he knows they're onto him. Without much evidence, he can't be prosecuted so he asks for a transfer, which he receives. He's not a repeat offender, his first assault happens mid-way through the episode, but he's a fucking jackass who couldn't take no for an answer. They give him internal reasons why he thinks he didn't go too far, and it is very real. If you're still interested, watch it.

Again, cause I went into this fully blind I will be saying whoreish things about Con. If you just look at his costumes, he has some 'hot' ones in this if you don't know what he does. If you look up Soldier Soldier a good chunk of it is people rebloging hot photos/gifs of Con without context.

He did this 1 year after Scarborough Ahoy and basically has a shorter haircut. Still in the 'hot young Con era'. They literally throw him into a pool fully clothed for fucks sake. After the scene happens, my tune changes. I promise. Again, they don't define him as a man with a history of assault, but Con's character is definitely the type to think 'I only fucked up once, I'm still a good person.' just fucking gross.

If it's too much skip around my live reaction and jump to the end for my final thoughts.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, military. Should have guessed based on that title. This intro is very 80s for the 90s. If they kill anyone I'll kind of be surprised.

CON! IMMEDIATELY!

Angry swim coach Con, yes.

God, he pulls off military type so well.

"If you've got the energy to smile, go give me a few more laps." HELL YEAH.

God, I know that's his voice, but god it sounds like it hurts.

I hate military types...so much.

This bike tampering is dumb, and dangerous, and is going to get both of them beat up. Also, these men(E-1 privates) 'respect' women more than any vet I've met.

I'd be entertained by that shit. And fucker seems like an ass so might as well give it to him.

Con looks huggable in that jacket. It's a nice soft blue. Love it.

CON IN A HAT! With a little feather.

"I never thought of you as a romantic!" GOD FUCKING DAMN IT. Can he just be evil? Or a douche? Every single fucking project this guy needs to be sad and lonely, wanting a friend/lover. Hurt by a past relationship and just wanting justice in his life. Don't get me wrong, I eat this shit up with a goddamn spoon. But Fucking HELL. EVERY CHARACTER?

HE'S DIVORCED. THAT MEANS HE'S AVAILABLE BABY. "There's only room for one woman in my life, I joined the army, she made a man out of me." I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE.

ALSO THAT CARDIGAN, AHHHH. It's obviously cheap military clothes, but god.

CON SMILING BABY!

(The young couple we've been following all episode) They're a cute couple (I say, a military brat that got out before I was 10. They'll fuck, have a kid, and be just as unhappy as anyone else on base. Divorce before their kids fifth birthday. Love that)

OHH I think I've seen clips of this scene!

ROBERT! THEY GAVE HIM THE NAME ROBERT. :) Funny in an Ironic way. He couldn't find a date? If he's a teacher then he probably doesn't leave base often, and a divorce? This man is going to be relationship adverse as fuck.

Also, parental issues be damned, he looks nice in uniform

I love that he got all up in his space, and Robert just looked fucking dead inside. Then he ruined his meal.

Also, please tell me he isn't going to fucking go after a woman in his charge. :). Please. Fucking please. I'm holding on by the edge of my rope, if he takes advantage of his subordinate, I will be pissed.

God, Con's speech around 12:30 sounds like a good ol' time.

BOB. I know it's a shortening of Robert, but Jesus fuck.

Also, this amount of restraint is admirable. He should have gotten screamed at.

We as the audience are probably supposed to think he's an ass. Nah, he didn't humiliate him in front of the other officers, held his ground when he thought he was being made fun of. This is just good leadership. Izzy Hands could fucking learn a thing.

Bitch, he would have already heard about them fucking. The gossip would have been spread by lower-level officers. This 'damn, she got away' thing shouldn't work.

OOooooo sexist Con line. Don't like that.

Small break to talk about a fun real life military thing.

His point about some people getting ahead by passing tests is a real thing many in the military resent. (In the US you go up an E-4 on day 1 if you have a bachelor's degree in anything, to Corprol. Hell, depending on if you were reserves you could go up higher, when most start as E-1). This motivates some to join up even after they could get a job away from the civilian world. If you are poor, you're fucked. Take the long way around and don't get good pay.

Personally I see what Robert is saying here to be the main thing Izzy holds a grudge with Stede over. Stede was able to purchase being a captain where as he had to fight for it. Possibly die for it.

Now, back to this episode. There are bullshit and bigoted reasons behind this belief, not just class-based. It's used to say why women shouldn't serve, etc. Con's a sexist pig here and says these same reasons. It is exactly the reason I never followed in my family's footsteps. In male-dominated fields they will 9 times out of 10 treat you like shit. BACK TO THE SHOW.

Robert, if you fucking assault this woman I will reach into the screen and murder your ass.

Okay, a drunken apology is fun. Jackass trying to get in her pants.

EWWWW.

Forced attempted kiss/assult.

Don't like this. Mam, just scream close to the doors if you feel uncomfortable. Jesus Christ. OH THAT'S FUCKED UP.

Okay, he's forcing himself onto her. Gross.

Also, real-life examples of abuse of military power.

I DON'T CARE IF IT'S EMBARRASSING TO PAY FOR SEX, RAPE ISN'T BETTER YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE

He assaults her here.

Hey, you remember when I didn't want con to be in roles where he wasn't sympathetic. NOT LIKE THIS. This is actually one of the worst things you could have made him do.

BEAT HIS ASS UP. (This is around the 40-minute mark.)

I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF HE'S HIGH RANK, IM SWINGING.

This is where I started skipping around, thus why the rest is so short. It's all too painful and real. He's called into the office to answer for his crimes and bluff.

He threatens her in private, and thinks that he's going to get away with it.

Again, the military is in to protect their ass, but it's good to see the woman investigator standing up for the victim.

OH GOOD, FUCKING KILL HIM (he's almost drowned from the victims boyfriend, but gets stopped).

So, at the end of the day. There's not enough evidence to put him in jail or kick him out. She's left traumatized, and Robert gets away with some glares and very little else.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Story: 8-9/10. Very real. I was wearing Con tinted glasses, but as a military kid who grew up around this shit, I almost immediately coped with him as the type to assault an officer. Lonely, doesn't get out much and feels like women owe him something. The type.

Con: ?/10 He plays A Fucking Vile piece of shit. The worst of it is you know his character has half a dozen reasons of justification. I was tempted to write out all the ones he says in the show, but no. I've heard it all before when men come onto me, and I tell them I'm gay. 'But you looked at me and smiled?' type shit. He plays the part really fucking well. Skin crawling performance of a 'nice guy'. He just does it so realistically I don't want to say like 3/10 you know?

Characters besides Con: Realistically, and sadly, more men would have sided with Robert. He has the rank, and though not well-liked, he would have been given the benefit of the doubt more than he was in the show. Everyone's performances were realistic and semi-heartwarming with how they believed the E-1. I liked the main couple and I hope they get together in the end. This a good example of why we need high-ranking women in the military.

Editing: Of it's era but non intrusive.

Overall: ?/10. I don't know how to put this one.

Again, if I wasn't ex-military kid/grew up around vets it wouldn't hurt as much. They sell you a dream when you grow up thinking the military does no wrong. How successful your male family members are and how they are heroes. But as a little girl, I quickly saw just how fucking dangerous to live up to these expectations was as an woman. On and off the field. If the purpose in this was to reassure the public that female victims would be believed, then it kind of works as propaganda.

This show fully explores it in a military with less rigor than the one I'm used to seeing. Still the same sexism bullshit regardless of where you are.

Don't worry, I'm watching a Val (BBC Uncle) mega cut after this to soothe my head.

I'd love to hear if anyone else has watched this, and your thoughts on it!

Have a lovely day.

thanks to @ivegotnonameidea for the list :)

#soldier soldier #con o'niell #con oneill #Con's Conography #Soldier Soldier #Col Sgt Robert Hicks

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